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The Portrayal of DID in Ave Mujica
(I have to preface this by saying that I am approaching this from a narrative writing standpoint and from my own personal delving into psychology overall. The subject topic is complex and the medical knowledge on it is ever-evolving, so if any of my notions are outdated, I am very, so very sorry.)
(I also understand that the topic of trauma and DID might be a triggering experience to some people, so caution is advised.)
(The discussion will also have open spoilers about the show and as such is tagged with spoiler tags.)
If there's one thing I would never expect when watching a music show, it is for it to turn into a deeply introspective psychological drama about flawed characters grappling with anxiety, mental wellness, toxicity and so on.
I did something like this a few times before and I can't help but want to explore and convey my thoughts on the character writing and handling of dissociative identity disorder within this show.
Now, Ave Mujica's predecessor, MYGO (to which Ave Mujica is a sequel), did play with the portrayal of neurodivergent-coded traits and still remains one of the best attempts at that overall, but a lot of that could be written off as subtextual.
So Ave Mujica portraying DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) in a textual way comes as a surprise.
What's even bigger surprise is the lengths the show goes to make the portrayal feel authentic and how up-to-date the overall knowledge within the writing is.
Now, for starters, some explanation is needed.
What is DID?
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a type of dissociative disorder that usually develops in early childhood due to traumatic experiences—most often emotional or physical abuse or neglect.
The conditions within the environment lead to a child failing to integrate into a unified identity due to compartmentalizing their trauma and various other facotrs. In layman's terms, "distancing themselves" from their own psychological trauma.
The key aspect to understand is dissociation, a concept that is crucial to DID but NOT limited to it. To quickly explain what dissociation is—to handle specific amounts of stress and trauma, the brain copes with the information via "disconnecting" one's sense of self from perception.
Dissociation is actually a very common reaction to trauma and can manifest in different ways without it being DID (hence dissociative disorders being a whole branch of stuff)—like, for example, dissociative amnesia, where a person might forget selective memories associated with a traumatic event.
Grief tends to sometimes lead to dissociation, especially during the early phases, too.
Another common example is depersonalization, which involves "perceiving yourself as an out-of-body observer," which usually involves an altered perception of time too, with time slowing down or speeding up or the concept of time losing meaning.
Both of those can manifest as part of DID, but can also exist separately—for example, derealization and depersonalization can be symptomatic of PTSD.
DID in itself as a concept is about a person at a young age failing to integrate into "one".
The way a child's growth goes is that the mind reintegrates and parses those their experiences and traumas shaping their identity. Experiencing dissociation doesn't instantly mean DID, because dissociation by itself is a common trauma-parsing mechanism, as I said before. A child can experience trauma, neglect, or abuse without it leading to DID.
In the case of DID, the child fails to integrate, the trauma/abuse/neglect instead leading to compartmentalized elements working together—a system.
It's important to note that trauma doesn't create alters, as it's been thought for a while. It's not something fake or "split" or "created"—the system is all the alters as equally "real"; it's just that alters themselves might have different traits of the identity.
While alters are identities, they aren't necessarily separate people—they are a system. Alters might differ from each other, and have separate memories, and skill sets, but every alter is part of that system. Alters don't appear out of thin air as separate entities and it's better to view a system as an entity comprised of equally real alters functioning together, with the "primary" one (the one that's out for the longest periods) being often called "the host".
Thus, alters can be subtle and almost indistinguishable from the host. And even if they have distinct personality traits, most alters would have an awareness to "fit in" by not standing out, instead internalizing them and trying to mimic the host personality (because it's "normal").
There isn't a secret evil spirit or a ninja assassin living in a person—portrayals like that (ex: the movie "Split") are extremely harmful because they perpetuate a toxic stereotype that just isn't true.
There's no "real personality and fake personalities" and so on. The current understanding of DID is a child at a young age, due to internal and external factors, failing to integrate into a singular identity.
Now depending on how young we talking, the person might have had a personality-before or might not have at the point DID develops, but the concept of "original/core" personalities is currently considered antiquated.
And just like alters aren't "created," they can't "die" either.
Now that this covered basic terminology and information, I can actually discuss about the show itself.
First, let's talk about Mutsumi and her character.
Mutsumi
From the very first appearance in MYGO, the characterization conveys the personality of someone who is stoic, internalizes her emotions, and has trouble communicating with others—her first spoken line in the show is ambiguous.
Mutsumi is a stoic, shy student who had been in a band together with her childhood friend, Sakiko, and three other people. The band imploded after her childhood friend suffered from circumstances she felt she couldn't share with others and disbanded it.
The character is often coerced or influenced by others to do things for them and plays more of the role of an observer.
It becomes quickly obvious that Mutsumi herself is extremely uncomfortable with this role—not only blaming herself for the band's breakup but also feeling awful about her friends' mental well-being afterward.
Meanwhile, Mutsumi's childhood is no better—as a child of a star actress and a famous comedian, Mutsumi didn't have what one could call "a normal childhood.". Her parents had surrounded her with wealth but at the same time had adopted a completely hands-off approach, which led to her feeling neglected and alone. For example, she doesn't even call her mother and father dad/mom/father/mother/etc., instead opting to refer to them by their first names like friends would do. The mother is also enamored with being an actress—for example, one of the things she would offer her daughter's friends visiting would be to watch movies she starred in.
The show makes sure the audience gets a sense of the scale of her home life—a luxurious house filled with servants where her mother is a star rather than a parent.
What's more, due to the circumstances of her parents she's constantly compared to her mother and father and their talents, with expectations placed to follow in their footsteps. This ends up with her feeling like she has nothing of her own in her life—whatever praise or expectation is placed upon her ties to The Star Actress and The Comedian instead of who Mutsumi is as a person.
As a result, she values the bonds she has formed with other people a lot. She cares deeply about her childhood friend (whose family circumstances are the actual reason for the band breakup), and she cares about the one other bandmate who had kept in touch with her (the person who is mainly keeping in touch due to selfish goals though).
So when her friend decides to create a new band, Mutsumi feels responsible to support her and help her.
Unfortunately for her, her friend is going through a lot emotionally, and the entirety of the new band consists of a lot of openly toxic individuals.
Thus she is placed into a situation where she has to juggle the neglect and distance she feels at home, the expectations her suffering friend is placing upon her, the expectations the world has for her due to her parents, and the pressure from being a member of an extremely popular band—a tough deal for someone who from the beginning had trouble expressing herself.
But hey, at least since the band has the whole pseudo-visual-kei thing going for it, she will be able to wear a mask.
Which is where her journey through Ave Mujica starts.
Ave Mujica and DID
The first notable thing we see happen is her struggling with an interview, reinforcing the idea that she has trouble expressing herself.
Ironically, this is another case where someone else ends up speaking over her.
The episode ends with the first notable trigger for her emotional state worsening, which is one of the bandmates going off-script and ruining the whole "secret identity" thing by unmasking them live on stage to an audience of hundreds if not thousands.
Considering her character set-up and her issues and insecurities, this is about the second most terrifying thing to Mutsumi in the entire world.
As the bandmates argue and blame each other over what had happened, the show then proceeds to take time to showcase how the pressure and the stress of what had happened affect her psychologically and emotionally.
This is a character who had been defined by the impostor syndrome caused by the neglect of her parents and comparisons society draws to them due to their fame—essentially getting doxxed live to an audience of hundreds if not more.
The show then dedicates its runtime to showcase how this character is slowly ground down by the building up pressure and anxiety, the dam breaking due to the traumatic experience—especially when she flubs an interview, causing even more tension and pressure.
"Don't speak out; play your role; don't make mistakes; be perfect or people will hate you."
The show makes sure to slowly build tension and highlight the growing anxiety and the increasing levels of dissociation the character experiences from the world around her as she goes through interviews and photoshoots—interactions that only worsen her mental state by anxiously comparing her to her parents or reminding her of the mistakes she made, as numbness overtakes her.
The anxiety, the stress, and the tension within all build to the point of insomnia as the character retreats to the one place she was implied to feel safe in throughout the show—the rehearsal room at home where she would spend time alone playing her guitar.
Because, again, as implied, her parents don't exactly pay any attention to her beyond showering her with wealth, and everyone else views her as an extension of her parents. So for her this is one spot that is truly hers.
And even that spot has now been taken because her mother had offered the whole band to use the rehearsal room. It's no longer just her space.
Depression, anxiety, and insomnia are but a few of the things that both influence and happen as a result of dissociative disorders
The show highlights the character's worsening physical state due to her deteriorating emotional state, to the point that the character has trouble walking down the hallway.
More importantly, the people around her—her band, her parents, her friend—they don't realize that. If anything, they put more pressure on her shoulders, they tell her to not stand out, to play the role to perfection, to not ruin the performance or further ruin the band's reputation.
The pressure and tension build to the point where the show depicts the first on-screen dissociative episode for the character.
Experiencing dissociation from gazing into a mirror is actually pretty common, as is the idea of recognizing your reflection as someone else. It's not limited to DID, however. There are common experiences where people suffering from anxiety might feel a sensation that they are looking at a stranger for example. Gender dysphoria might also elicit a feeling that the reflection is "wrong".
The show also showcases another common DID symptom: losing large chunks of time as the character finds themselves jumping from the changing room to the middle of the scene without knowing how she had gotten there.
The scene also involves the character witnessing(and more importantly, recognizing) multiple of herself. While the most common way for the host personality to perceive alters is auditory, visual perception is also possible, as are all other senses.
The series of visual hallucinations ends with a character making a mistake live on stage and experiencing a complete dissociation as she slumps onto a stage prop chair motionless like a doll with strings cut..
Essentially, this is a moment when no one is in control. The host personality has experienced complete dissociation, but neither the host personality nor any alters are "behind the wheel.".
Now, to this point, the idea is still subtextual (barely) in that the story shows but doesn't tell what is happening.
However, what comes after this grows more and more textual.
The dissociative episode and perceiving multiple of "you" leads to the character experiencing even more vivid hallucinations.
This time, however, the character directly acknowledges and converses with an alter within her mind-space.
Having a healthy and proper way of communication between host and alter(s) is actually crucial to functioning as a healthy system and living with DID.
Most of the conversation, however, happens within mind-space, as the character relives her past experiences and memories as if she were watching them as an observer, with the alter narrating her life's story.
The mindscape is often metaphorical so the alters don't necessarily always appear human, but they always would be "humanlike", because the brain perceives the alter as alive. The form alters might take within the mindscape is often dependent on the kind of trauma a person has suffered.
The story as narrated by the alter establishes the reason behind why the character values playing the guitar so much—because it's something truly hers, something she had learned on her own and something that is in no way "because of her parents".
But she feels like she's not good enough.
She can't be expressive, she has trouble communicating her emotions, and thus her playing skills, while technically perfect, lack that self-expression capability.
She can't make the guitar sing.
And thus due to impostor syndrome, she concludes that being "wrong" somehow is why the bands she gets involved with on her friend's behalf keep breaking up—why her best friend keeps suffering.
A person suffering from anxiety, trauma, and neglect, someone who has issues expressing themselves, would often wrestle with issues of self-hate and depression and Mutsumi is no different there.
Experiencing one's own memories from an outside perspective, as if watching a movie or seeing themselves from outside observing something is once again quite common in terms of DID.
As the toxicity within the band keeps growing and her friend keeps suffering, the character's anxiety and stress build further, the auditory and visual hallucinations intensifying.
Just a reminder that while this goes on and Mutsumi slips in and out of her mindscape, her best friend, her parents, and the whole band are completely unaware of any of this. In their minds, the dissociative episode she had experienced was "her acting out" or "acting" or just being "closed-off".
This is the first case where the alter has a direct and open back-and-forth conversation with the Mutsumi, rather than narrating her life like before.
Alters within a system often end up serving specific purposes—because they are more comfortable doing something the host alter isn't. Sometimes it's a single memory the host can't parse or a personality trait.
The alter in question showcases worry for the host's well-being—A Protector.
The alter represents worry over the character's own well-being and where the current stressful self-destructive path may lead.
(Important Note: I do feel the need to say that alters do not neatly fall into classifications and there's not some "class system" for Alters that is always true. There are many complex reasons for how alters within a system can be and there's a lot still unknown, as is true with the overall human mind. Since alters aren't created or "split", an alter merely providing a specific role doesn't mean they exist solely for that role, as it becomes clear with the case within the show too.)
The alter believes that if Mutsumi stays with the band, she will experience the full brunt of the band imploding and the alter also perceives Sakiko as someone who is not healthy for the character—toxic even.
Mutsumi however reaffirms that she wants to support her friend no matter what, to always be by her side.
Eventually, however, as the days go on, and the band keeps arguing, the character ends up tying together what is happening now with a traumatic event in her past—her best friend's previous band imploding in a similar fashion.
The character draws parallels between the two situations—between two traumatic experiences—which further worsens their wellbeing.
As a side note I do love Dutch-angles and how universal they are in conveying things going wrong somehow or being unsettling.
All of this leads to the final straw—a confrontation with her best friend, where the character ends up being accused of "not being good enough" and "not supporting her like a friend should".
Why can't she smile or talk or be more social?
Now I do feel the need to interject and say that while her friend is completely in the wrong here, things aren't that simple. Sakiko also has her own issues, depression, traumatic experiences, and absolutely horrible life—all of which she is unable to properly parse and thus turns towards alienating everyone who cares for her rather than showing how hurt she is.
This is the final straw, the moment where the anxiety and traumatic experiences build up to the point where the host just wants to escape.
A moment where subconsciously she'd want to turn to the someone for help.
This is also the first time this alter is properly given a name (one of Mutsumi's stage persona, Mortis).
The scene is eerie and haunting, but it has to be—sleeping is as close as the situation can get to ego-death.
(Because, like I mentioned before, parts of a system can't "die".)
Once the stage play starts, both the bandmates and the audience are treated to a performance that is unlike the character's usual self.
Mortis fulfills their role, shielding the host from a traumatic experience, taking it up to themselves to do something the host would suffer trying to do. In this case, it's to pretend everything is fine and play the role her best friend expects her in the band—to smile and to talk and to help keep it together.
From this point on, Mortis is in control.
She smiles, is social, and delivers efficient jokes to lighten up the mood—she pays attention to the wellbeing of other bandmates and is extremely expressive.
It needs to be noted that the bandmates and parents STILL have no clue. The other bandmembers barely knew her for a month so they don't really see anything wrong with the change in how the character behaves. If anything they see it as an improvement.
Mortis is doing everything they can to do what the host was too anxious to—to be a perfect actress, supportive and caring for the band, and nurturing an environment where the band stays together.
There are a few problems, however.
For starters, Mortis doesn't know how to play guitar, at all.
It's a skill and talent the host alter developed and as far as systems go not everyone would have access to the same memories, experiences, or skills and it's possible for alters to develop different skills than the host too.
And second of all, as the one who wants to protect Mutsumi, Mortis feels disdain towards the main source of Mutsumi's anxiety and depression—her childhood friend, Sakiko.
In Mortis's eyes, the dissociative episode the host suffered and the extreme amounts of anxiety and stress are all because of Sakiko.
This comes to a head in a scene where Sakiko, after spending a whole episode feeling uneasy because of how different Mutsumi is now, decides to have a one-on-one talk with her about what's going on.
It's in this scene that the show textually acknowledges DID.
What finally tips her off is that Mortis refers to her differently than Mutsumi would.
This scene also provides a direct affirmation of the fact that parts of a system don't "die"—they might however go dormant and "fall asleep".
As a side note, the scene does contain ominous framing, but it's mainly due to it mainly being from Sakiko's POV. The writing, however, makes it extremely clear Mortis isn't a villain as much as someone protective of Mutsumi and spiteful towards Sakiko due to her neglect of her best friend—and that Mortis isn't entirely wrong to blame Sakiko for this.
This is kind of surprising because that's pretty "new" information as far as the medical topic of DID goes. People used to think alters could die due to a faulty understanding of the idea stemming from the older now debunked theories as I mentioned before.
The reality, however, is, that alters aren't really something "different" nor "created/split"—a system has the same brain, and the same biological functions, which means the brain can't perceive itself as "dead".
DID develops at a young age due to neglect trauma or abuse. It doesn't suddenly happen because of some extremely tragic event as fiction often depicts it (the tragic events however can cause the host to dissociate and push specific trauma onto an existing alter).
The show, once again, acknowledges that too!
The scene basically spells out that Mutsumi's DID developed at a young age as a result of parental neglect and anxiety. Note that the show doesn't imply Mortis "having been created" ever.
Mortis basically spells out what Mutsumi wouldn't have been able to say—she speaks of the stress the band had caused Mutsumi and how Sakiko's neglect and toxicity ended up causing her to retreat into sleep.
(Once again have to add this: Alters can differ in terms of their thoughts, species, speech patterns, gender orientation, etc. Alters even can have different heart rates, eyesight, and how they respond to allergies.)
Mortis is resolute to protect Mutsumi and her band, but she's also a child—one that can be very blunt in the ways Mutsumi isn't and also naive in the way Mutsumi wouldn't be.
She can't help but detest Sakiko for her toxicity and the trauma it has caused.
She bluntly states that Mutsumi ceding control to Mortis is Sakiko's fault and if Sakiko keeps acting this way instead of actually parsing her problems, Mutsumi might never return.
Mortis isn't merely "a role protecting someone". She is childish and she is, in a way spiteful and she has an opinion about Sakiko that Mutsumi might not agree with.
There's a struggle there because the dissociation between the two alters is too big—there's a lack of communication as once Mutsumi gets to interact with Mortis again, the two are talking past each other.
Mortis is way too focused on what Sakiko had caused and on how it had hurt Mutsumi, while Mutsumi is still ever so focused on how much Sakiko herself is hurting and ignoring her own problems.
It's somewhat common for alters to communicate their memories or experiences with each other via mindspace creating a filing system of sorts as some described it as a computer with a search bar or a cabinet.
The show makes sure to highlight the dissociation currently between Mutsumi and Mortis and the communication between the alters having been strained due to conflicting motives and viewpoints on their mental wellness and how much a person Mutsumi cares about affected it.
The show also doesn't shy away from the problematic treatment of mental wellness in the world and how often it gets sensationalized.
The first major example is the public's reaction to Mutsumi dissociating on the stage—the band is flooded with demands to REPEAT that "performance". In fact multiple show appearances and stuff set that as a condition for the band appearing at all. To the public there's not even an ounce of worry that this was something real—to it couldn't have been anything but acting. Which is actually a common toxic reaction towards systems in the real world. Even within the Ave Mujica tags there were people screaming how "Mutsumi must be just pretending to have it".
Even one of Mutsumi's teammates mistakes her dissociation and Mortis for masterclass acting talent and is STILL haunted and feeling inferior by it even after she KNOWS what actually happened.
The characters also use the outdated term "split personality" when conversing about Mutsumi and Mortis and a majority of the cast doesn't "get" what this is and are way out of their depths—Sakiko blames herself for "having broken" Mutsumi, Umiri and Uika just completely don't care, Nyamu feels insecure and the MYGO cast are also just as out of their depths even though they display far more empathy.
It's a sheer contrast to one character who has no direct connection to Mutsumi but is known for her blunt nature and ends up recognizing both Mutsumi and Mortis as individuals (even asking for the name of each alter when they exchange introductions) and befriending Mortis.
Likewise, when Mutsumi and Mortis end up arguing over their motives and goals and falling down the stairs, the first reactions the onlookers have is to...snap photos and film the situation because it's a famous person and maybe this is some performance too! A completely cold and cruel audience of observes that keeps snapping photos even as another characters desperately begs them not to film this.
And of course, it gets shared and goes viral on social media.
Overall so far the representation of DID and overall mental-wellness issues in Ave Mujica (and MYGO) have been the series highlight and I certainly hope the show continues to treat the subject matter with care and research needed as it further delves into the character.
Another highlight is the variety of issues and insecurities the other main characters are facing—from Sakiko's complex traumatic experiences and implied self-harm tendencies, to Uika's obsession, to Nyamu's insecurities to Umiri's complete emotional disconnect and compartmentalizing to the point others see her as lacking empathy (even though that last scene implies it's not completely true, so we don't really know what's exactly going on there).
Ave Mujica, if it lands, is shaping up to be one of the best shows in a while when it comes to character introspection and psychological themes.
#bang dream#ave mujica#mutsumi wakaba#wakaba mutsumi#ave mujica the die is cast#bang dream ave mujica#bang dream girls band party#spoilers#sakiko togawa#togawa sakiko#umiri yahata#nyamu yuutenji#ave mujica spoilers#ave mujica meta stuff mine#ave mujica analysis#bandori#bandori stuff mine#Long Posts on Psychological themes within narrative writing#mortis ave mujica#uika misumi#tw: mental health#tw: dissociation#tw:trauma
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alrighty, thank you to everyone who tagged me in this ^-^ sorry it took so long to get around to it sjshejdmj
SO. I'm totally about to take this way to seriously but i love picking these guys apart and now i get to do it with me too :D fun.
xavier and i are both INFPs and I'm also generally sleepy 24/7 👈🏼😎👈🏼 i love reading and gaming, i also like keeping physical mementos of important stuff and time i spend w other ppl xD and i pay attention to little details about ppl i care about and I'll randomly mention it one day and it's like. why do you remember that and I'm like. because ily duh.
i also tend to find/look for meaning in seemingly meaningless things (like day to day stuff that tend to get overlooked) because it adds a little more color to my day which I'll chalk up to being similar to rafayel. ALSO. pisces gang 👈🏼😎👈🏼 i also want to dye my hair purple. IT COUNTS ALRIGHT
i wear glasses and have a dry sense of humor. zayne wears glasses and has a dry sense of humor (match made in heaven fr). we both enjoy quiet time. ppl don't approach me easily because they think i look mean/cold but when they they're like oh. you're nothing like my first impression of you
for sylus, mayhaps its that i like having the reins in a situation and so does he xD and i enjoy classical music too. i enjoy trying new things, and black and red are my go-to colors for everyday wear (these days.) i definitely use gentle teasing/annoying ppl as a way of expressing love for ppl lol
i like when my friends/loved ones feel like they can rely on me (CALEB 🗣🗣🗣) I enjoy cooking (I'm assuming he does too) and i too like to dress up like i walked out of a 2000s boyband poster sometimes. I can be very nostalgic at times as well.
open tag <3 feel free to join in if you want mwah
so let's play another game
Tell something you have in common with your favorite (s) LI(s) then tag someone else
Me and Zayne are both lightweight. Y'all I can't drink alchohol to save my lips 🤚💀 without ending up tipsy just a glass of wine is enough to make my head spin .
Me and Rafayel are both dramatic but only with people we care about , I like to get on my friends and family's nerve (that how I show my love 😔)
@jinwoosbabyboo @yourlocalcatscammer @erensfeed
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HERE IT IS!! THE LONG-AWAITED RRCU MASTERPOST!!!
WHAT is the RRCU, exactly?
The Rise Rabbit Cinematic Universe is a series of derivative fanworks featuring original characters inspired by Stan Sakai's Usagi Yojimbo comics and the spinoff show Samurai Rabbit, with lore and events set in the canonical world of Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was created by myself (@aversiteespabilas) and @rhinocio, together with my best friend Iggy (@r3xcorvus) contributing with their own characters and plot and acting as writing consultant for the rabbits. If you know Stan Sakai's characters, you may find some things familiar, but ultimately, these are completely original characters with original storylines. It started with Rhin and I playing with the concept of our distinct versions of Rise!Usagi being estranged family, and it's now become a rich world of stories and characters that we really feel is worth sharing. Enjoy the ride!
Is this a Rise AU (Alternative Universe)?
Technically, no. RRCU stories are written on the assumption that everything that happens on the ROTTMNT canon does happen exactly as is. We're not working with alternate dimensions either, as the Usagi family are yokai, just like any other in the Hidden City. This is rather a Rise spin-off, focusing on original characters, how the yokai world or Ikai works, and our take on Hidden Japan. It's not an alternate universe, the rabbits are just busy doing their own stuff. However, we do have different alternative timelines or AUs within the RRCU. I'll get to that.
Are they like, dragon riders?
They are, thank you for noticing! I take great pride in that idea 'cause it's allowed me to do a lot of cool stuff. In the RRCU, tokage are large winged lizards, and the characters can ride them! Yuki's best friend Spot is also a loyal flying mount who carries him to adventure.
What's with the amount of rabbits? Seriously, there are SO many.
Well, this is about the Usagi Family. Several generations of them, in fact. We have a wide array of characters we write about or draw artwork for, young and old, living and deceased. At its core, the RRCU is about family, overcoming generational trauma, dealing with your heritage, and reconnecting with those you love.
Okay, but who is dating Leonardo Ninjaturtle, exactly?
Sometimes a rabbit. Sometimes a different rabbit. Sometimes, not a rabbit. Bottom line: It's not about Leo, though he does cameo and romantically feature in some of the fics. When we started merging our concepts of Usagi, Rhin and I already had plenty of canonical work written that featured Leo getting romantically involved with our respective Usagis. As a result of that, we decided each of us would take care of a different timeline or AU based mostly on who Leo is dating. Most of the time, in my own work, Leonardo will be dating Yuki. In Rhin's work, Leonardo might be dating Yusuke (in Rise's apocalyptic future) or perhaps a loveable human named Juan. Or perhaps nobody in particular.
Why are there fics in spanish in the Yuki Usagi (ROTTMNT) ao3 tag? Why do Yuki-focused fics reference stuff that hasn't been published before?
That is because I am spanish, and because before my fic journey, Yuki's story was developed in private (spanish) roleplay. That is why in Yuki's fics, I am assuming Leo and him are already friends, but in Run O' The Mill Rabbit I did my best to retroactively explain the events that led to their friendship regardless.
He's the young heir to the Usagi Family, and that comes with a massive amount of pressure that he's always been able to take in stride, in spite of his hearing disability. With unwavering confidence, commitment to Bushido, and a penchant for silliness, Yuki is always ready to take on any challenge. As an Usagi, though, his greatest challenge may actually be admitting when he's having real trouble, and letting others help him instead.
He's the Usagi Family's long-lost son, Tetsuya's 20-years-younger brother, and Yuki's forgotten uncle. After struggling to meet his samurai family's very strict expectations throughout his childhood, he travelled to America in search of purpose, and accidentally got Mariko pregnant instead. Since then, he's been forced to cut ties with the Usagi and has become radio silent. Weighed down by his shame and used to constantly running away, his only anchors are his son Jotaro and his very dear friends Mariko and Kenichi; yet, he still refuses to truly face the people he loves.
He's Yuki's father and Yusuke's 20-years-older brother. As the Usagi Family Head, his duty has always been preserving the family's dwindling reputation, ensuring traditions and protocol are followed, and being in charge of absolute perfection. However, this mindset has historically not made his family... like him very much, as hard as that is to believe. After his wife's passing and both his little brother and son running off to America, his loneliness has led to regrettable events that are forcing him to accept that he might not be all that perfect himself, either.
She was Tetsuya's first wife and Yuki's mother, before her unfortunate death in the line of duty. She was the lightheartedness and sweetness to Tetsuya's inflexible demeanor, and Tetsuya was a safety line for her more impulsive and daring traits. She had affinity for a very powerful mystic sword that her son Yuki inherited.
She's a hare, and Tetsuya's second wife. A ninja and skilled assassin sent to kill the Usagi Family Head, who eventually decided none of that ninja stuff was worth it anyway. She is supremely chill about everything, in ways the Usagi are still getting used to.
He's Tetsuya and Toshiko's son, which makes him Yuki's baby brother, and a hare-rabbit hybrid yokai. We are sure he will not grow into a troublemaker or anything.
He's Yusuke's very american best friend (though he himself would prefer a different appellative), Mariko's husband, and the dad who stepped up. His love for his own pack is fierce to a fault, so his distaste for the Usagi and everything they stand for often feels more personal than warranted.
She's Kenichi's wife, Jota's mom, and formerly (though she herself would prefer it were currently) Yusuke's date. Also coming from a high-standing family that kept clipping her wings, Mari's gone with a totally different coping mechanism from Yusuke's, and has adopted the Fun, Cool Mom label for herself. She will not be made to choose who she's allowed to love, or how intensely. Not anymore.
He's Yusuke, Mariko, and Kenichi's wonderful son, and he was named Jotaro first, okay? Tetsuya just never even knew it. Although his parents have done their best to keep him away from their own complicated family issues, Jota has become a very emotionally intelligent and mature child regardless, and gets frustrated when they insist on babying him.
She's Keiko's older sister, and Yuki's beloved aunt. Multifaceted, a bit eccentric, and the family's first polyglot, she's constantly learning new skills, and will support and encourage openness of mind in the Usagi as well, though she's not interested in courtly life at all. She was the one to teach Yuki english, and they also learned japanese sign language together, which has led to the two of them having a very deep connection. He often asks and accepts help from her in a way he's never had with anyone, not even his own parents.
He's a young eagle yokai raised under Bishop's orders and yokai fear-mongering. He would eventually become Mikey's best friend, and, as he unlearns his misguided beliefs and opens up to others, he occasionally stumbles upon the Usagi, who are keen to adopt angry street rats like him.
Would you like to learn how I draw our characters?
I'm currently working on a series of RRCU character design notes, so check that out!
Banner art by @rhinocio
This is not an exhaustive list of RRCU fics! There are more works in the series that won't be featured here. This space is meant to showcase the fics I personally think are most relevant and essential to understand the rabbit characters, their lore and main storyline.
Find the entire RRCU fic series HERE!!
After a mysterious alien invasion has destroyed New York City, Usagi Yuki's trip to meet his american friend Leo becomes a trip to help the denizens of New York instead.
Category: Gen
Setting: Post-ROTTMNT Movie canon
Status: Completed
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Chapters: 7
Characters featured: Yuki-centric. Also features Sakiko, Tetsuya, Keiko, and (briefly) Toshiko and Jojo.
Why read this one?: This is probably the best introduction to the RRCU if you're already a fan of Rise and want to see an interesting take on teen Usagi. It features a bunch of familiar secondary characters and settings from Rise.
Famed samurai Usagi Tetsuya's wife just passed, and he is left to live alone with a teenaged boy and the guilt of their estranged family. As the eldest daughter of her clan of assassins, Toshiko is expected to succeed her mother and earn her place as mistress of the clan. However, she must first complete one last mission: kill the head of the Usagi family.
Category: F/M
Setting: Hidden Tokyo, spanning from the time leading to the Shredder's awakening to some time after the ROTTMNT movie canon.
Status: Work In Progress
Rating: Mature
Chapters: 4/9
Characters featured: Tetsuya and Toshiko-centric. Also features Yuki, Keiko, Yusuke, Sakiko and baby Jojo.
Why read this one?: If you're interested in Tetsuya's side of the story, and/or would like to delve into a fully original Hidden City, and/or are into a POV-switching romance story between older characters with terrible secrets, this is the one for you.
Usagi Yusuke is the second son of Hidden Tokyo's Usagi Clan. He is a mediocre, masterless samurai-in-training. He is also, abruptly, a father. The last of those, according to his elder brother, is a shameful thing. The last of those, in Yusuke's opinion, makes the former unimportant. He will do what he must to provide for his son, even if that means moving half a world away and cutting ties with his family entirely. Of course, just because he has loved and let go does not mean his nephew has the same intention.
Banner art by @rhinocio
Category: Multi
Setting: Post-ROTTMNT Movie canon, alternating with Hidden Tokyo flashback chapters.
Status: Work In Progress
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Chapters: 21/46
Characters featured: Yusuke-centric. Also heavily features every other rabbit character.
Why read this one?: If you're looking to understand why the Usagi Family is the way it is, the nature of all their issues and exactly how they get through them as a family, this is the one fic you should check out. It is also my most favorite one, personally.
It’s not like him. Not like either of them, rushing into a game without joking about it first. They’ve got an established back and forth, and they've been using it for years: Leonardo’s the Rebel Leader who teases like he means something, Usagi’s the Bodyguard who humours him, and nothing they say ever goes anywhere.
Banner art by @rhinocio
Category: M/M
Setting: ROTTMNT Apocalypse timeline.
Status: Work In Progress
Rating: Explicit
Chapters: 12/21
Characters featured: Leo and Yusuke-centric. I will update this section if more RRCU characters are featured.
Why read this one?: Those of you looking for leosagi smut that's mature and has an Usagi with an interesting backstory should absolutely check this one out. This is also a peek into what Yusuke is like in the Krang-dominated apocalypse, where he never gets a chance to face his many issues.
Banner art by @rhinocio
Browse commentary and artwork here on tumblr through the tags!
Main tag: RRCU
Character design notes tag: RRCU design notes
Tags by fic: ROTMRfic, H&Hfic, under the sword lifted high, NONUfic
Tags by character: usagi yuki, usagi yusuke, usagi tetsuya, usagi keiko, usagi toshiko, usagi jotaro, usagi jota, usagi jojo, yoshikawa kenichi, kobayashi mariko, payne
We hope you guys enjoy playing in the rabbit sandbox with us! Please, don't hesitate to comment, send asks or just chat with us! This is our pride and joy and it makes us so happy to know people enjoy our work!
#RRCU#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#rise season 3#rise usagi#rise oc#MAN that took some time to do WHEW#I'd been thinking about doing a proper guide for people for a while#so I'm very proud of myself for finally getting to it hehe#will be updating fic info as we go!#I really wanna do little logo designs for them like ROTMR has
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Weekend links, February 9, 2025
My posts
I’ve been working on a Silent Hill 2 remake commentary (in tandem with @idoherty451) as I slowly play a practice run through the game. As I keep saying, but in case you haven’t heard: I have never played a video game before. I started out stuck in the parking lot begging James to pick up the map, but now I have video of my skill-and-strategy practice with Pyramid Head. If you’re familiar with the game, I have currently just finished playing Toluca Prison in the dark, because I am a brave little toaster, and I am now moving into the Labyrinth.
(I post things on Patreon first, if you’d like to be on the mailing list for things like that and also Weekend Links, but any gameplay video will be public for copyright reasons.)
Why I'm defiantly focusing on a video game instead of current events.
Also, I have been sick and very mad about it, but my throat is recovering now.
This is a bit of a mega-linkspam because it’s been a very long time since I’ve been well enough to do regular posts (my herniated disc is doing better now, thank you), and we’ve got a good 4-5 weeks of material in 2025 alone.
Reblogs of interest
I’m still reeling from David Lynch’s passing.
New images of Neptune's rings
Five Things Your Character Can’t Do While Speaking
“This hot anime sword boy is 60 years old. He has a wife and kids. He is licensed to practice law in the state of Illinois.”
Happy birthday to Edgar Allan Poe and Dolly Parton!
A doll-sized quilt show
Jacksepticeye has returned to Tumblr
I like to think that Death could not take Christopher Lee; he could only ask nicely
"Meanwhile Belogarth the Registered PCA is chowing down on back pain"
Successful trans men
New Stabby the Roomba lore dropped
The Juki Deathmetal Ultrafuck
Hobbes as a real tiger
Foxes, graded
Animals on a video conference
It fucken sumny
Video
Needle-felted stop-motion animation
THERE ARE TWO CHOCOLATE GUYS
“We’ve all decided he’s more of a Greg”
Anxiety Sea Lion
The encouraging art of circles
A daytime Afrovictorian ensemble
Demonstrating the rope dart
Happy National Milk Day to all who celebrate
The sacred texts
“Sometimes people use ‘respect’ to mean ‘treating someone like a person’ and sometimes they use ‘respect’ to mean ‘treating someone like an authority’”
What if it... was for puppies
happy 10 years of spiders georg
*slaps roof of Tumblr* This baby can fit so many rare vintages
Tay’lor Spiff
Personal tags of the week
Since we have a lot to catch up on:
I try to only post positive or actionable things on us politics
Really leaning into cats
Lots of good stuff in fashion
Always worth a look at art
We all could use some beneficent chain posts
And finally, Pallas cats on manul monday
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‘ life can be cruel , if you’re not a dreamer . ’
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7a124b10e9817e4eadca358ce9156c8d/9ec75724c38338c9-1e/s540x810/ec55cd866800ca48485f8e223f3455302a0f5130.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9366c7ae619f8904211b1683177338e0/9ec75724c38338c9-1f/s540x810/fbbc738768285b60036586a21bf633e2b23cde34.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4a285f327e7dbd98bd010c92f332a891/9ec75724c38338c9-3f/s540x810/01e632c4f3056548341efdb47b94b629f20b5817.jpg)
summary : you start your first day at the cafe, and learn of a certain bandaged barista, unknowingly kidnap his cat, but it was somewhat worth it when he and another barista come over to the cafe the next day searching for his ‘beloved’ cat and thinks that one of your friends stole it as revenge.
AUTHORS NOTE : hai !! first chapter is done, and i had so much fun writing this. unfortunately, i did struggle at some parts, like the rent thing and had no idea what to do for the plot😭 so, let’s all just act like its a good excuse and its just for the plot !! and characters might be ooc, and unfortunately for everyone, i highkey dgaf and this is for fun so if u come in my ask box to say “omg this is so ooc!!” YES I KNOW GET OUT OF MY ASKS I KNOW anyway if u do wanna be tagged in future updates, just lmk i will gladly tag you :3
GENERAL WARNINGS : reader is afab / fem, she/her pronouns will be used when needed. cussing (obviously), sometimes i will specify outfits but you can just imagine your outfit any other time lol , college stuff, substance abuse mention in other chapters, self harm mentions at times (dazai), dazais siblings r elise and yumeno, and oda, mori his dad.. the slowest slow burn of all of the slow burns, rare sex jokes because i can not resist, and just typical dazai behavior .. also, it has been awhile since i have written like this, so i might be bad at first so. um. ignore that.. + some time skips so we can get to the good part :) tried to speed this chapter up so we can get to the better part of the fic ! anyway, have fun reading!
you had set a routine for yourself once you left the comfort of your home for college; sleep, wake up at 5am to get ready, go to class at 6:30am, study after class, go to more classes, go back to your shared apartment around 4:30pm, relax a bit until 10:45, sleep, and repeat. you were not planning on changing that at all, until your landlord decided to up your rent, and you were forced to work with your friend, chuuya, who was working at a local cafe. originally, he had been paying the rent, and you paid the bills with money your parents gave to you as a little startup, and you could not pay rent with the money, and did bills until now.
you had felt bad for him once the rent raised, especially since the rent was now almost 1,950?? you possibly couldn’t let him pay by himself! so, you got a job at the cafe he worked at with your friend group.
and, you seriously regretted that after seeing how chaotic it was..
⌢ time : 4:30 pm . ⌣
you and chuuya were walking to the cafe after class. the heels of both of your shoes clicked against the pavement of the sidewalk, the sound of your voices quietly echoed through the air of the already loudness of the campus, other students chatting away and the sound of the occasional laugh registered in your mind.
“you’ll be fine, the cafe is a really nice place. you’ll do great, i’m sure.” chuuyas voice suddenly came through, breaking the momentarily silence you two shared for a bit.
you never really worked in a cafe. a fast food place? sure. but a cafe was new, but you knew everything since your mother owned a cafe, and you sometimes came over and watched her work. but this was new, you are ACTUALLY working at one, and doing all the things you saw your mother do.
“i know i’ll do fine, it’s just new, y’know?” you reply to him, but you were grateful for his assurances either way. a small hum left him after you spoke, and you could feel him offer you a small look. “just don’t stress about it, yeah? if you need anything, i can help you.”
after alot of talking, you two had started walking out of campus grounds and walked down the sidewalk towards the cafe, and you could see the little building in the distance after a few minutes of walking.
⌢ time : 5:39 pm . ⌣
luckily, there weren’t any customers since apparently, customers rarely came in at this time unless it was game day for the college, and then the cafe was packed since it did have a tv where they could watch the game.
but that wasn’t all that important, you were just glad that you didn’t need to deal with ‘bitchy’ customers. chuuyas words, not yours.
you were in the middle of putting on your apron as your friends spoke, their voices overlapping the faint sound of music playing from the speakers.
“god, i hate those people. they constantly try to one-up us with their deals and purposefully got a bigger tv for game day. you know, one of those days, i’ll break that tv in front of them..” chuuya grumbled, his narrowed eyes focused on the cafe that was actually across the road. if it was not obvious that he hated the cafe across the street, then the look in his eyes was definitely an obvious sign.
“oh, calm down. it’s not like they do it on purpose.” higuchi spoke, rolling her eyes at his complaint while she wrote on some of the paper cups, something their cafe made them do to show that it was a welcoming spot or whatever the manger said. “oh, they definitely do it on purpose. have you seen how smug they looked when they got that tv? what bitches.” tachihara spoke up, standing next to chuuya as they both glared at the cafe across the street.
“aren’t you all being dramatic? it surely can’t be that bad.” you eventually spoke after getting your apron on and went to help higuchi, who gave a grateful look and continued. “she’s right, it’s not that bad, you’re all being dramatic.” higuchi agreed.
chuuya and tachihara glared at you and higuchi in sync, the two boys clearly judging you both. “you two have no idea what those idiots are like. even in class, they’re so bitchy. i am unfortunately cursed and have a class with the freaky bandaged one.” chuuya sighed, looking back at the cafe across the street.
you sighed, shaking your head at your best friends words. “you say that like it’s a bad thing, he might be nicer than you think.” you reply, trying to be optimistic since chuuya did have the habit of being a little dramatic with his opinions of people. “chuuyas right, the bandaged one or whatever his name is, is weird. dude looks like a mummy of sorts.” tachihara had spoken up, also looking back at the cafe.
chuuya immediately scowled once he saw some of the workers from the cafe across the street walking up to their own cafe, a few of them in a group as they started opening up their cafe.
you looked up and watched, examining the small group of people who seemed to go at the same college. there was a blonde man, a woman with dark hair that had her hair in a messy bob of sorts, a younger guy who looked to be a first year with white hair, one with brown hair and glasses, and another guy with brown hair that had bandages around him.
“what are their names?” you whisper to higuchi, not wanting to interrupt chuuya and tachiharas glaring. “hm? oh, the blonde is kunikida, the woman is yosano, the one with white hair is atsushi, the one with brown hair and glasses is ranpo, and the bandaged one that chuuya hates is dazai.” the blonde woman whispered back, to which you nodded in response.
“they seem nice, why is that they’re hated?” you ask again. you were confused, the group seemed genuinely nice, so you had no idea why most of your friends seemed to hate the cafe. “oh, chuuya got into a fight with dazai a few weeks ago and their cafe and ours seemed to have a war of sorts ever since.” she had whispered back, shrugging as she continued to write on cups.
ah, you had heard about that. chuuya had come back in the evening one night, and said he got into a fight with some ‘idiot from class that looks like hes cosplaying a mummy.’ .. you didn’t know why you didn’t realize that until now, but it made sense since chuuya had an obvious grudge.
⌢ time : 8:27 pm . ⌣
you and chuuya were now walking home after work, it had been a nice day, the cafe wasn’t that busy, and it was a good first day. now, you were walking home.
but, you stumbled upon a pretty, somewhat fluffy black cat, who seemed to be freezing in the low temperatures of the night. you were immediately going to help it as chuuya followed.
you looked back at chuuya as you sat on the pavement of the sidewalk, then at the cat and quickly took your jacket off. “what are you doing?” chuuya quickly asked as you slowly approached the cat, smiling at how the cat was snuggling up to your hand. “i’m not letting a cat freeze up in the cold. i would feel horrible if i left this poor thing in the cold.” you reply to him, slowly getting the cat to come closer.
the cat was the sweetest thing ever, you could hear small purrs come from it as you gently pet it, but you quickly wrapped it in your jacket and slowly picked it up, smiling at how it easily allowed it. the cat was obviously accustomed to humans, and trusted them easily, so it was pretty easy to pick it up.
“come on, we’re going to the store first and buying it some food until we figure out what to do with it.” you suddenly announced, already walking in the direction of the local store. chuuya sighed, already knowing he couldn’t stop you when you were determined and simply followed. “you’re insane. what are we going to do with a cat we found on the street? we can’t keep it!” he spoke, crossing his arms as he walked next to you.
“well, we’re not keeping it forever, dumbass! just until we figure out what to do with it or some missing pet poster pops up.” you remark back, a small huffy sigh left you as you continued your walk, and eventually made it to the store.
the two of you walked into the store, both of you offering polite smiles to the workers who greeted you both. you and chuuya walked to the pet aisle, and went to the shelf of cat food as you held the purring cat in your arms.
“do we get it wet food or?” chuuya whispered to you, you shrugged and just decided to go with wet food and dry food. you were sure wet food was the answer, but you wanted to be safe and not buy something the cat wouldn’t eat. “get both, just in case, y’know?”
chuuya hummed in response, grabbing a small can of wet food and a small bag of dry food before you two walked to the shelf checkout area. you watched how he scanned the items and put them into a plastic bag, and then decided to spare him of trying to find his card and offered to pay (more like forced..). “grab my card from my bag, it’s in the second pocket.” you spoke to him, smiling at the sigh he gave and went to your crossbody bag.
he went through the pockets, looking for the card in the pocket you said it would be in, and after a few moments, he eventually found it and grabbed it, and went to pay. and after a few seconds, he returned the card and closed your bag, then went to grab the plastic bag with the cat food.
after a few minutes, you two were now walking home with the cat and the cat food. you ignored the cold air biting at your hands, and you were suddenly grateful that you were wearing a warm, long sleeved shirt since you definitely didn’t want to get sick from this. but the cat definitely seemed warm.. lucky.
“what are we going to do with the cat when we go to work?” you suddenly ask chuuya, remembering that you actually had to work tomorrow and you didn’t necessarily trust a cat you picked up from the street to be alone in your house. “we can give it to koyou? she’s not busy and can watch the cat while we work.” he suggested with a shrug, knowing that his older sister, koyou, could probably help.
you nodded in agreement, knowing koyou could be trusted rather than all of your other friends. “yeah, we can go to koyous house before class, and after work, we can pick up the cat.” you agree.
⌢ time : 6:15 am . ⌣
you and chuuya were currently walking down the hallway of a familiar apartment building, walking to a door that had the number ‘629’ , the same apartment that chuuyas older sister lived in. as you held the cat with one arm, your free hand went to the door, giving a few knocks.
after a few moments, you and chuuya could hear the door lock unlocking, and the door opened to show a woman with redish hair, and was still wearing her home clothes. “oh, hello. did you two need something?” she spoke up softly, giving a polite smile, and a curious look.
you both immediately smiled back at the woman before you. “hey, koyou. we’re wondering if you can watch this cat for the day, and we’ll pick it up after work?” you ask her, seeing how she immediately nodded in agreement and you handed the cat over. “sure, i can watch it for the day. just get to all of your classes, yes?”
you mentally sighed in relief, mostly because you weren’t really expecting her to be that nice, and she seemed to be in a good mood. “thank you, koyou.” chuuya spoke before you, giving his sister a grateful smile before she nodded and closed the door with the cat in her hold.
well, at least you got that out of the way..
⌢ time : 5:08 pm . ⌣
you and all of your friends were at work, you and chuuya had arrived first, then tachihara, then higuchi. all of your other friends were busy with night classes, so they worked the morning shift, while you and the others worked the late afternoon to night shift.
anyways. you and chuuya were in the back, simply talking while chuuya got a smoke break, but then, you two heard yelling from the front. you immediately went inside while chuuya shortly followed after taking a big hit of his cigarette before putting it out, and quickly followed after you.
the moment you walked in, you were witnessing the weirdest scene ever. dazai and yosano were at the counter, talking to tachihara.
“i already told you, i didn’t see your stupid cat nor did i take it!” tachihara yelled back at dazai, who was looking at tachihara as if he killed his whole family. “bullshit, i know one of you took it as revenge!” dazai replied quickly, clearly unhappy and was certain one of you took it.
you and chuuya walked up to the counter, and chuuya crossed his arms as he interrupted. “what’s wrong now, dazai? why the hell are you yelling at my coworkers?” chuuya spoke, glaring at dazai, who focused his attention to you and chuuya as yosano sighed quietly and just watched.
“i know one of you took my cat, there’s nobody else who would steal it but you and your idiotic friends.” he easily replied to chuuya. the brunette took out a paper and waved it in chuuyas face, showing a missing poster of a fluffy, black cat. the same black cat you saved from the cold so it didn’t freeze to death.
well, fuck. you didn’t really mean to steal this guys cat, and the cat didn’t have a collar, so you just sort of assumed it was a stray.
you and chuuya immediately shared a look, before chuuya gave a cocky smile, and before you could speak and admit you had the cat, chuuya cut in and looked back at dazai. “nah, didn’t see your stupid cat anywhere. but i did see another cafe down the road take in a cat that sort of looks like that inside.” chuuya lied through his teeth, shrugging as if it was nothing.
dazai narrowed his eyes, shoving the paper back in his pocket, keeping eye contact the whole time. “osamu, if they said they didn’t take the cat, then they didn’t. no need to be this protective over it.” yosano suddenly spoke, then dazai sighed and softened, realizing he was being dramatic, but he couldn’t help it. the cat was the only thing making him survive the hell that was college.
“fine, if you say that you don’t have it, then you don’t. but if i find out that you or any of your friends stole it and you’re lying to my face, i will—” he spoke, but you quickly cut him off, and decided to just go with chuuyas lie since you two were way too deep into this now. “is it really necessary to threaten? how about this; if we ever see the cat, then we can come find it and give it to you, personally.” you had cut in with a polite smile, noticing how he looked at you, his mood changing immediately as he saw an opportunity to be playful with someone.
dazai smiled, suddenly perking up and becoming all nice. “is that so? personally? how sweet.” he replied with a hint of playfulness. chuuya immediately looked at dazai with a narrowed gaze, wondering how the fuck dazais mood changed.
you, tachihara and chuuya were both confused on how dazais mood quickly changed, how it was like he changed in a blink of an eye. first, he was all stressed and frustrated, then, he was suddenly cheerful and playful? what the fuck?
“yes, personally. now, if you and your friend don’t mind, we actually want to work.” chuuya scoffed, rolling his eyes, and dazai looked back at chuuya, seemingly calmed down and shrugged. “fine, then. enjoy your 4 customers.” he said with a mocking grin, then turned around, grabbed yosano and dragged her out the cafe.
tachihara watched the two leave the cafe in disdain, before the bell atop the door rang, signaling the door being opened and closed. “god, what a fucking mood swing that was.. jesus, that guy needs to get checked out and put on some pills.” tachihara mumbled, before going back to setting the coffee machine up.
chuuya was happily smiling once dazai and yosano left, clearly glad that dazai was finally out the shop. that was something he was grateful for. “we are not giving him back that cat until the end of the month, i must drag out his misery.” chuuya whispered to you with a happy sounding sigh, finally finding something to hold over dazai.
you sighed quietly, realizing that you couldn’t do anything since you just lied to that guys face about his cat, and was now holding the thing hostage. “we are so fucked.” you mumbled quietly under your breath.
you had no idea how you will keep your mouth shut about it, but it was too late now to go back..
small authors note : sneaking in my hc of dazai having very, very sudden mood swings hehe.. Though, i do apologize for how rushed this chapter was! just trying to get to the good part quicker ^_^ + reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated <3
#dazai x reader#osamu dazai x you#dazai x you#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bungo stray dogs dazai#dazai osamu x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#dazai osamu fluff#bsd au#bsd ada#bsd pm#mentions of ada members#college au#文スト#chuuya bsd#bsd tachihara#bsd higuchi#bsd fanfic#anyways!#who wants to be in taglist#actually i have to rant about this dazai au..#i love bipolar dazai hc and bpd dazai.. but i will be nice and just give him severe mood swings#this was a glimpse of how he immediately switches up when it comes to reader lol#yearner dazai (hint hint)#backstory might be a different chapter#you guys are so not ready#okay im fine now#honestly just rambling
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(I saw this, went "how the fuck did I miss this" and got very excited someone asked for reasons you shall see below in the next paragraph had a bunch of idea, did some stuff, had a bunch of cool ideas, wrote the first paragraph of this, then took a hot bath and had a bunch of really cool and in depth ideas of how to explain this while in it, so now it's time to see how much of the shit I wanted to say that i actually remember).
Decided to make the links blue for visibility, I should have gotten all of them if not sorry.
She does actually, so does the son. Diana and Mirian Curze respectively. But their names might be changed. "Mirian" was no joke based on some "Mirian" and "mink" and a mink theme I mentioned here (<- central post to the lore btw, check out the farm au tag) that was since completely abandoned (everything else in that post is still canon) but he's been mentally named "Miran" in my head so long it stuck and I have thought of some others but they never clicked, even if I kinda hate it. That's why he's currently tagged as "the curzeling" because I have no idea wtf to refer to him as. And "Diana" is up there with "Rose" and "Maria" as cliche names for kind gentle characters female characters who tend to be dead moms or shadow the hedgehogs maria (No, Diana here does not die) alongside just not sounding very warhammery. Her maiden name is currently Diana Ignis but I can't decide if it's cringe. The reason I haven't talked more about them is that I am ironically the kind of person who hates ocs. As in, filter the original character tag out when searching on ao3 hates ocs. Though I tend to tolerate them sometimes. So it's a mixture of having cultivated an audience of x reader fans and the like, insecurity of while I know others do like OC content I wanted to create something that some hypothetical other person who thinks like me would have clicked on in the first place. Though I cope by telling myself I tend to tolerate them more when they fulfil some sort of function, eg, "what if this character met this kind of person" rather than just "canon character x oc" which tends to make me do a U-turn. and I sorta hope I would appeal to some other version of myself with that. You should also really check out the "core" tag on this blog if you haven't already as it deals with stuff that is "canon" to this narrative (Once I start posting about other ocs I'm not actually sure if they should share the tag too, maybe I should rename it then, oh well.)
Now before we progress further some meta knowledge is required: The farm post summer last year was sort of the genesis point of this au and actually it was really a now deleted response to that from a deleted blog where it started but this is the original ask. All of this stuff originated from hurt comfort and me initially rping stuff with chatbots then mentally adding way more lore onto it (hence the farm post) I actually have/had issues with Dianas characterization. I read a bit of the fic messages for dad (in which Konrad is paired with a woman named Julia) and I also have an oc for Dorns wife named Falke, (whose name also needs to be changed because "Falke" is a default name I use for myself as self insert characters and she grew a plot, but that's besides the point) and I straight up think messages for dad's Julia and my Dorn wife (of all people lol) were more interesting characters to pair Konrad with than the initial creation of Diana was (but she got better). This right here is ironically fanwork to the messages for dad fanfic but it perfectly describes why I love Julia as a wife for Konrad, and without spoiling too much my Dorn wife (who herself is in an "opposites attract" style relationship with Rogal) is someone with an anarchistic streak, immense curiosity and who is neither pro imperium nor pro chaos. Something which would sync really well with the nightlords (Konrad is canonically very curios. and Magnus and Perturabo are actually friends in canon and also bonded over curiosity). Both of these women are people who relate to Konrad "as a person" if it makes sense. His actual personality beyond just the insanity and trauma. Diana was a generic moeblob created to synergize with Konrard when he was broken (Oh the tragic irony that would be someone helping Konrad heal only for the man who came out on the other side be someone who they did not feel attracted to or someone who did not feel attracted to them. But that makes me sad so it won't happen here because I'm a sap. Diana and Konrad love each other forever in the au where they're together.). Genereic precious cinnamon roll generic ray of sunshine x edgelord. I am once again reminded of Shadow the hedgehog and Maria. So I am desperately trying to give her more personality and actually make her more compatible with Konrad long term without making her a Falke clone. I complained about this half a year to a year ago, I think it's improved. Though the cliche is still there.
Now moving on to the questions.
I'm gonna change the order a bit and start with the last one because I think the answer to it is the funniest.
- favorite places (planets and spots on Nostramo since I'd guess she is from there):
Nope. She's actually from Ultramar. Not Macragge itself but some random agri world in the Ultramar sector. Point is she lived a very comfortable and safe life. Upper middleclass. Spoiled sweet, not rotten.
- the relationship between her and the Night Lords:
None. She's scared of them since they would attack indiscriminately and Konrad protects her from them.
- more on her backstory and orgin:
Again see farm post and this whole ramble.
- their first meeting:
Won't be revealed here because it's planned to be revealed in an actually serious post / fic in list format similar to these two that will come out once I feel able to write properly. Though it will only be mentioned very briefly. Working title is "Justice", alt titles might be snowball or avalanche, but it will likely be called justice. Don't overhype it, it will probably be about half a page. But it will explore their relationship. I can spoil that it is after he is found by the Emperor but before he gets onboard Elvers ship.
- her interests and hobbies:
I mentioned before she used to rescue animals. Biggest sap you've ever seen. Brain slides out of her ass when she finds something cute. Mother hen instincts towards everything. All of these relate to getting with Konrad lmfao.
- her live outside of the Night Lords and curze:
Needs work actually. Unless the above is good characterization lol.
Besides supposedly looking frightning, Konrad Curze's pale complexion means that him blushing would be VERY visible.
He should be reminded of this, often.
#I put this in word for spell check and it registered it as “english: Jamaican” before removing typos and I'm not sure how to feel about that#konrad curze x oc#konrad curze#night lords#primarch#primarch x oc#warhammer 40000#warhammer 40k#wh40k#40k#meta#holy fuck
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I SWEAR CELEBI'S THINGY IS COMING SOON BUT I REALLY WANTED TO POST THIS ALRIGHT
yeaah... future trio got me too...
and Darkrai is there too, because of course he is.
hey look i drew a cute Drifloon :D
...ignore the rest
whatever started at Darkrai doodles ended in brainrot of future trio + darkrai and I'm blaming @scribz-ag24 for this
#Can you believe between the first pic and the 4th pic is only a week inbetween. I sure can't but like why did I mirror the pose...#ON ACCIDENT??? Everytime I look at the two Grovyles I'm like... how... how did they end up so differently???#also probably blaming @cozybells as well for this but I really fear tagging people so I'm just letting y'all know in the tags because#I do wanna let everyone know who inspired me when someone did <333 better get running [you know who you are!!!!] DusnoirXDarkrai is next...#also: upon seeing scribz-ag24's art my brain said: You need to color too! ah yeah that went well with the doodle batch#I really hope you're able to read everything with how messy I can write sometimes. If not please let me know and I'll add sth in this post!#Also the doodle batch was the first thing I drew so well... never drew dusknoir before and grovyle once i think...#please go easy on me I have yet to explore the relationship between literally everyone😭 and I have no idea what I‘m doing and I'm a little#lost I normally only draw King Boo or Darkrai but I'm sure scribz-ag24 sprinkling in bits of Darkrai got me in love with the future trio to#grovyle#future trio#celebi#darkrai#dusknoir#pmd hero#pokemon#drifloon#totodile#my art#my stuff#tagas friend spoiler#pmd#pokemon mystery dungeon#IS THERE A SHIP NAME FOR FUTURE TRIO... there must be. ...oh... is it just...#futuretrioshipping#i feel sooo stupid rn.#also everytime i drew darkrai i had evil spiteful bastard in mind (except for the one with an arrow pointing out he's redeemed) but i think#i literally mixed every possible version of him in my head so got absolutely no clue what i'm doing :D#anyways i hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading through my ramblings! Have such a wonderful rest of the day yippiee <333#pmd2
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Creamthing d'or passant reguardant, by a sheaf of arrows percée ...and Montjoy also.
[creamthing is the creation of the inimitable @samsketchbook; despite this choice of adjective, I have nonetheless tried my best at a little heraldic creamthing]
#em draws stuff#creamthing#le roy d'armes des françois (dit montjoye)#<- look who has a montjoy tag now. only montjoy tagging because this is kind of nonsense.#sometimes the mood is creamthing heraldry. who can explain it who can tell you why.#midway through this piece I had a Weeping Session over the meaningfulness of like. Most of my art actually.#and then I took a break and redid the colors with sort of a red-yellow-blue forced focus which helped a lot#and also I decided that if you Believe in your silliness then it can be Meaningful Intertextuality.#the journey of creamthing. the journey of montjoy. creamthing as a pelican in its piety.#spent a Lot of time on heraldry wikipedia and then ancient archival scans of heraldry encyclopedias to try and get the description right#heraldic language is Hard and I still definitely didn't get it right but I Tried. and I like how it turned out :)
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A Message from Sleep Token ☼ The Heavy Music Awards 2021 — the message | background footage | font | sleep token logo | all messages
#stm_edits#user copia all tag#sleep token#flashing gifs#yeah why not make an obnoxiously long edit of incomprehensible automated voice stuff from 2021#using sleep token's own weird stock footage content (cheers to fields of elation)#do i not have a single better thing to do#i feel like i can't survive the wait until november so i'm replicating the experience of hearing this opening in person lmao#also. taking analysis suggesions on this because ngl vessel i love you but sometimes i don't really get you#posting this now is such a bad idea but if i don't i'll just keep editing until i can't look at it#user copia edits
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Yeah, I find this odd, too.
When it comes to Crouch, I have the sinking feeling that everyone was basically relieved to be rid of him. He was a hardliner during his time as leader of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. The public might like this (because a lot of people look up to authoritarian figures in times of conflict), but I doubt he was easy to work with. (Because authoritarian leaders never are.) I assume he kept his leading style after being promoted out of the way. I mean, he refused to learn Percy's name and Percy is a Weasley and therefore a pureblood. Crouch should know his name. Refusing to use the right one is really disrespectful and isn't really a hallmark for a successful and beloved leader. If he treated others the same way he treated Percy, they were probably happy to deal with his assistant instead.
When it comes to the row between Arthur and Percy ... ever heard the phrase "Every accusation is a confession"?
Yeah.
This might apply here.
We know that Arthur is corrupt. In book 2, he was tasked with writing a law to ban wizards from fucking around with muggle stuff. He went on to write that law - and included enough loopholes, so he could keep fucking arround with muggle stuff. In book 4, he was able to call in some favors to get fucking VIP-tickets for the Quidditch World Cup. And later that same year, he used his influence to save Moody from prosecution for exploding some dustbins in a muggle area.
So we know that Arthur is willing to bend the law, sometimes quite heavily. He's also willing to use favors to get what he wants.
And then book 5 comes around and he joins the Order of the Phoenix. He then starts to use his position in the ministry to run covert operations. It's likely that this includes his fair share of spying.
Chances are, he asked his sons to do the same. This is probably why Bill came home in book 5 and to work at the bank in Diagon Alley. It was the perfect place to keep eyes and ears on customers and finances. I would assume that Arthur planned to convince Percy to do the same. Having someone inside the Department of International Magical Cooperation would've been pretty useful.
But Percy didn't believe the news about Voldemort. And then he came home with a promotion. By Fudge (the guy he, Arthur, is spying on) no less.
If Arthur was willing to spy for what he believed in - Percy must've been willing to do the same, right? However, Percy didn't believe in the same things Arthur did. He believed that the ministry should handle this. Surely, he wouldn't spy on the ministry. So who would he be willing to spy on? Oh yeah, that's right ...
So, yeah. My guess is that Arthur was projecting hard, here. (In addition to what you say in your tags, of course. Arthur was definitively used to Percy doing everything he asked. Must've been a shock to realize, that that obedience had limits.)
I feel like when I say I think Percy didn’t do anything wrong people don't really understand what I mean
Being wrong and doing wrong are not the same thing
He was wrong about Voldemort not being back but leaving his family was not a wrong action he didn't just leave for no reason it had very little to even do with Harry imo
He was going through alot of stuff and things were turning around his hard work was being recognized his career was not over over something he hadn’t even had any control over
just for his dad to say he didn't trust him and that the only reason he'd ever get promoted is to spy on them
Like why would he stay after that?? I think him leaving was inevitable tbh if it wasn't this I would have been something else
I think he will always leave eventually
Not even going into that no I don't think being upset at your parents for not wanting more money to better take care of seven kids is wrong
He was mean about it but everything other then Voldemort being back he was right about
I know people bring up the letter all the time too but like Harry did continuously get Ron hurt so I actually see it as pretty sweet that even after falling out he's worried even if he should have known it would only make things worse
sending the sweater back and closing the door in Molly's face were not wrong if you make it clear you are pulling away from someone and they keep pushing your boundaries it's not on you to comfort them
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#me.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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This is what it feels like every time a new SMP has streamers I like
#mod talk#This is mostly /j I will NOT be covering Cobblemon much#I love Pokemon but I'd actually like to dial things back#I don't try to watch every streamer or ever single thing in every server to know what's going on anymore#I did that for QSMP and it was fun! But it burned me out badly#For Arkanis I watched a few people but wound up just watching Pac towards the end#and for Realm I only watch like 3 - 4 people and even then only sometimes (which is pretty evident based on the long lapse in clip posting)#I like keeping things diverse content-wise#and I like including lots of different streamers in clips but this blog was never meant to be an update account#And that's sorta what it turned into during QSMP#But that's not the intention and I don't want folks to look at RA with that expectation because good god is that unrealistic#I am one person. With a 9 - 5 job might I add#Tbh I don't think anyone expects this of Royal Archivist but in case you do – here's a heads up#Your friendly neighborhood archivist is tired and taking a back seat on things#✌️#Tbh I don't think this needs an announcement which is why I'm putting this in the tags of a silly meme post#But I'd also like to nip this in the bud in case people start asking why I don't do clips of ____ server or ____ streamer#I don't watch a ton of people to begin with#I do feel bad about the Bluesky community though I really tried my best to crosspost stuff#But it wound up being a hassle trying to trim things down and make the file size tiny so I gave up because it was just so time-consuming#Anyways#TLDR: Estoy cansado jefe
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3.13 | ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏʀᴅꜱ
link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags 💀
#doctor who#tenth doctor#martha jones#david tennant#freema agyeman#(good god. without even meaning to I went into 'psycho stream of consciousness tagging' mode. whoops)#always thinking of that one post#where OP mentions how the writing tries to make it seem like Ten looked right through Martha/etc#which is a good concept for demonstrating his grief. but also isnt what we really see throughout S3#(not saying he wasn't a grieving MESS because he was. but he's a multi-faceted character and he can grieve AND value Martha simultaneously)#but we see such fierce protective instinct+trust; a bond between them that obviously isn't some one-sided affair#+ his clear intent to impress her/be admired and respected by her (apropos the post that inspired this sentiment)#but RTD obviously isn't the most infallible of writers#*cough* [list of reasons I cut down b/c long] *cough*#He can make Martha say “he's not seeing me/he doesn't look at me” but then you just watch with your eyes and you get a different story#It's like the opposite of when Moffat tries to make you believe someone is super important through bold claims without showing his work#instead RTD tries to make you believe Ten is functionally blind to Martha's existence while showing numerous examples of the contrary#then bring in the novels+myspace blog+cartoon that he all signed off on. Which tie together to create a canon backdrop#basically I said all of that to say this—#it's the whole reason I had to make this blog to get this sort of stuff off my chest (even if it's just for me sometimes)—#Ten not only SAW Martha—he trusted+respected+enjoyed+adored her. And it's a good thing#it doesn't cheapen his grief. I feel like people must think it does which is why I constantly see bad unnecessary takes about them#it just means that Martha was SO important to him and it's ok. they had a killer friendship outside the unrequited minutiae and it's ok#there's even a comic where 'someone' makes him believe she's Martha and he makes her change her appearance because “it's still too raw”#Just saying you don't say that sort of thing about someone whose existence you're all blasé about#Martha already gets fucked by the narrative in enough ways without people totally missing her significance in the Doctor's life#you don't have to ship them to appreciate them on a deeper level#anyway. fuck. if you actually read all of these then I'm so sorry#creating this blog has taught me that there are only like two people who feel the same way about tenmartha matters and it’s fine 😂#but if I didn’t give myself an outlet it would probably form a tumor SO there we are then
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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maybe this is a hot take but i do wonder if the initial gnarlrock incident, following argument, and (imo) anticlimactic and almost complete brushing off of that conflict occurring between Imogen and Laudna had actually led to a real conversation about Delilah/her influence and Imogen and Laudna's relationship in general (pre-established romance) would have made discussing Delilah later in the campaign easier
#critical role#bell's hells#laudna#imogen temult#dare i tag this with#imodna#and attract the wrath of the shippers#but i do think that initial conflict really set the tone for how a lot of imogen and laudna's disagreements have been through the campaign#to this point (written post-c3e95)#if they had actually had to have a conversation about it that would have been constructive for their relationship going forward#and i specifically note in the post that it was pre-romance because i think sometimes the shipper mind convolutes stuff once a ship happens#like i am all for the “love saves all” but also love doesn't absolve and fix every problem (perhaps i'm just not a romantic at heart)#and also that was an imogen-drive conflict initially not a laudna-driven one until delilah broke the gnarlrock
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the going thru it guy
also somewthing that i cant explain. yea like only one person could get what this is referencing
#chonny jash#cccc#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cj mind#cj heart#yeag....#kind of made this because.. im going thru it rn#alos i project onto heart a lot. uhmmm!#also also this isnt me like. making him the crying sad guy or qwtv i just think he handlkes breakdowns like me (refer to prev tag) and uhhm#just fucking curls upinto a ball#mind wont touch it cause he knows heart needs the space but will sometimes try to like. pat him?????#as a way to signal a kind of “im here for you if you need anything btw but i wont forceyou to talk tome if youre not ready”#(thats why theres a cord there ilike mind having a cord tail thingie hes patting heart 2with that cord thingie)#anywyas need more mind comforting heartin my life. isw that so much toask for /j#sorry for the long rant i just like talkingf about this stuff
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