#ALL the relationships written in this series feel so alive and lovely and good to read

[classygreydove]

kkob/obkk fic recs

5 kkob fics that are criminally underrated - obv we all love rocks fall; scene end, Kamui Blues, and New Recruit, (if you haven't read those, I highly recommend them) but these works deserve some appreciation too!

kakaobi fluff series by Eye_like_trauma - 6k, ONGOING

G, No Archive Warnings Apply. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito. Just a lot of fluff, crushes, and pining.

[dove's notes: Every single on of these one-shots is just precious. And also makes me laugh so hard. Peak content for this ship.]

2. Hey, Wouldn't It Be Mortifying If We Both Survived This? by Eye_like_trauma - 4k, COMPLETE

T, No Archive Warnings Apply. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Kakashi & Minato & Rin & Obito. Kannabi fix-it, love confessions, feelings realization, first kiss, fluff and angst, hurt/comfort

Obito can’t hear anything beyond the cave crumbling around them, thousands of tons of rock cascading down and crushing everything it can. Can’t see beyond the dust in the air, the vibrations of the world around him. Couldn’t, anyway, because he can barely keep his eyes open. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispers into Kakashi’s hair. He knows Kakashi won’t hear him. Wouldn’t, even if he were conscious. That’s okay; the words are as much for him as they’re for Kakashi. He presses himself closer, focuses on the warmth of Kakashi as the world fades in and out, as every bit of remaining light is snuffed and he can feel debris falling on every side of them, huge and heavy and deadly, if they’re hit. He can’t feel Kakashi’s heart beat past the world falling in on itself, but he tells himself it’s there, tells himself that Kakashi’s not dead.

[dove's notes: literally my favorite confession fic. i laughed, cried a little, and felt many fuzzy feelings. bb tsundere kakashi is adorable.]

3. The Things We Found in the Ashes of Our World by shefrommo - 40k, ONGOING

M, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Sukea/Tobi, strangers to friends to enemies, identity shenanigans

Ironically enough, Kakashi didn't start having treasonous thoughts until after he'd already committed treason. __ Or, during a mission gone wrong, Kakashi discovers Obito's alive. He never comes back from that mission. Five years later, Team Seven stumbles across a pair of Akatsuki members--both of whom are working under false identities, both of whom were declared dead years ago.

[dove's notes: Incomplete, but so so good. Tobi and Sukea (and their headspaces) are both very well-written, as is the relationship chemistry. The identity shenanigans are great.]

4. Quiet Revolutions by Anjelle - 68K, ONGOING

T, No Archive Warnings Apply. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Sakumo & Kakashi, Sakumo & Obito. Canon div, dogteeth!kk, Hidden Cloud Village worldbuilding, Identity Shenanigans, Secret Identity, anbu!obito, enemies to friends to lovers

Tensions are running high between Kumo and Konoha. Between the targeting of the Hyuga clan for their Byakugan and an unknown ANBU running interference on missions, their tentative alliance is strained and war is just one slip-up away. Not wanting any part in this, Obito is dragged into it anyway when he's given a mission to find out who instigated the attack. Instead, he gets more than he bargained for when a certain Kumo-nin lies in wait on the other side of Kamui. OR: Due to extenuating circumstances, Kakashi grows up in Kumo and decides that this strange, masked ANBU skulking around his village would make for a fun distraction from his boredom.

[dove's notes: I really enjoyed the dynamics here. obito is bamf but also an idiot. kakashi is bamf but also an idiot. so canon dynamic, pretty much. also identity intrigue, worldbuilding, this fic is full of good stuff.]

5. Truth and what it takes (and what it gives) - 11K, COMPLETE

M, Graphic Depictions of Violence. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, TW for mentions of suicide/suicidal ideation, Hurt/Comfort, Blood & Gore

"Kakashi's pupils are wide and fixed, like those of dead animals. The Uchiha has never seen him with that expression before. Obito wonders if he’s dreaming it, then he notices the metallic edges around his frame. The sink. A mirror. He’s looking through Kakashi’s eyes."

[dove's notes: very good relationship study of obkk during kakashi's anbu era, and the writing style is riveting. Dark, so not for fluff fans.]

[snurtsnurt]

YESSSS!!

Listen, as much as I enjoyed Corrick and Tessa's romance, and the brotherly bond between Tessa and Erik, and even the banter between Tessa and Quint- there is something really really really nice about seeing her confide in a lady friend, to cry her heart out, to embrace. All this with Olive has simply reminded me how much I miss Karri and her friendship with Tessa.

[thechurchoftheradiodemon]

Salutations to all of you, gentlepeople!

I love making lists, so I'm gonna update my Radioapple fic recs. All of these feature great aspec representation (non-sex repulsed Alastor for the nsfw ones), great writing, great characterization and amazing storytelling. I've fallen down a rabbit hole called Hellaverse and Radioapple and I can't get out, so I'm hoping to bring all of you with me.

I'd love to read more good fanfics, so feel free to recommend your favs in the comments, please!

Lucid dreams of New Orleans by @radiaurapple . Heartbreaking, fluffy, beautiful, and amazing setting, writting and characterization. It might be becoming my favourite. Human AU (kinda), and deserving of so much love.

Of Saints and Sinners by @morningstarwrites . No list in the Radioapple fandom is complete without this. I don't think I need to write why it's great, everyone knows. The fun, the fluff, the lightheartedness, and fantastic writing skills.

Strange Apetites by GotllPhi. Human Alastor AU, gorey, sexy (nsfw), surprisingly fluffy and intense. The characterizations are on point and the storytelling is *cheff's kiss*. It's on hiatus while the author is getting married, but still a must read.

Lucifer and his Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Relationship series by @keelywolfe . Another nsfw one (much more so), but amazingly done and with great aspec representation. Beautifully written, intense and the story is just hooking. Also, the RadioApple Standalones are a very fun read, the sfw and the nsfw alike.

I shine only with the light you gave me by @soot-and-salt . This one is just a one-shot, but it shot through my heart. Gorgeous short story, great rythm and development, I fell in love. They have a series called We should've been enemies which is also fantastic (and nsfw), very sexy and intriguing, and still developing!

Lolm by @radioapple-heathen . It's only one chapter so far (and marked Explicit for the future of the fic), but it got to me. Fun shenanigans, a pet snake and a shared hatred for technology. It's very well characterized and nicely written.

Eat your Heart out by @seducipher . Modern human AU, nsfw and very addictive. It's still going, but it was a fic a binged in one night. Good characterization and nicely written.

Bedtime Rituals to try out before the next Angelic War by @miribalis . A very cute, fluffy and domestic fanfic that I can't recommend enough. Very well written with amazing characterization, and it's completed!

@notherpuppet 's Human AU series. Another fandom classic, but, again, no list is complete without it. In love with their artstyle, their story and their characterizations. Fluff, fun and shenanigans galore!

I still have too many saved for later that I'm thisting to read, so this list might expand in the future.

Also, if you'll allow me, this is for the spanish speakers: I wrote a short fic (2 chapters), Primavera en Nueva Orleans, that takes place during Alastor's last year alive and after Extermination Day. I'm selfpromoting here, but check it out 👀

Thanks for reading, don't forget to like and comment on your favourite creators' works 📻🍎

Stay tuned!

[bulbabutt]

okay. lets bite the bullet and talk about 2012. lets talk about child abuse, familial abuse, generational abuse, toxic family units, whatever you wanna call it. lets talk about it and whether it exists in this show. i actually encourage you to read this no matter what your take is, just to hear it out. let me be FUCKING clear: i love this show, but i get scared to talk about it seriously. everyone on every side is defensive all the time but i love every turtles show to no end.

this post is going to go over so well and not controversially at all.

precursor: every splinter is some level of shitty dad. he always has been. the fucking bare bones of the character is that he raised his children to kill the man who killed his own father. thats inherently fucked up. every splinter has some level of fucked up about him. maybe hes inattentive, or neglectful, or strict, or secretive, maybe hes just not very good at dealing with his kids. splinter is supposed to be far from perfect. thats what makes him splinter. maybe he grows over the course of a series, maybe he doesnt. maybe hes supposed to be shitty his whole life, maybe hes not. thats just splinter. each is adapted differently depending on the story being told.

and 2012 has a very interesting tone to its story.

lets start at the beginning, back in japan. this is season 3, was this story what they intended when they started writing the show back in season 1? probably not, theres probably things they would have written differently had they known this was where splinter's story started. thats kind of the way tv works, you add the details later. but for our sake of analyzing the character of splinter as a whole, it seems best to start here as if its all intentional.

hamato yoshi is a member of the hamato clan. theyre a very traditional old ninja clan in the modern world, they have old feuds and theyre trying to keep their culture alive. they're literally the last of a clan of ninjas like this, having (supposedly) defeated the foot clan (their generational enemies) back when yoshi was a baby. hes set out to lead next, and its very important to him. and yet hes married to a woman who works in the city, a modern woman who doesnt live the life he does. she even moved to be with him. i feel the need to compare this to how men in the real world who want traditional wives never go for women who are willing to be their housewives, always try to break down the independent ones. splinter seems unconcerned with how his wife wants to live. with how she wants their daughter to be raised.

im not necessarily saying this is how this comes off in the show, but i find it interesting to think about. this is absolutely the most rounded version of tang shen as a character (thus far) it stops her being just a name on a page "hamato yoshi's love and the object of his enemies affections who died" and turns her into a woman who has a stake in the story. gives her more agency.

its very interesting that this show implies an actual relationship between tang shen and oroku saki, albeit a one-sided one that didnt work out, but they do seem to have parted on equal ground. the pair of them discuss yoshi's inattentive duties as a husband and father, that he's too obsessed with the tradition and lineage of his clan. honestly, if this woman just took her baby and left no one would blame her! he has his priorities set, and it leaves no room for her and their newborn baby. if she ran away with saki at this point, the story would make just as much sense.

but then disaster strikes, saki learns the truth about his family, that he was actually a child of the foot clan (honestly i wish we saw this play out instead of jumping ahead in the story but thats not what this post is about) and he kills he and yoshi's father. revenge for him having killed his. cycles of abuse and revenge that never end. the pair of them were raised in this society that values lineage like this, that would kill for it. its no wonder they both grew up this way.

anyway, tang shen is killed by a blow meant for yoshi, and saki takes their child and raises her. based on splinter's lack of desire to be a father so far in the story, its honestly not one you can blame him for. its fucked up, but it makes sense. saki does to miwa exactly what his father did to him. cycles of abuse and revenge.

yoshi loses everything, and moves to america. he's turned into splinter the mutant rat, and gains four turtle sons.

so as established, he's not exactly grown up with a stable family life. he obviously, while human, wasnt acting as a stable father for the child he intended to have. so how good is he at this?

ive talked before about how the 2003 show treats the turtles as kind of one whole unit. they don't have individual relationship arcs, they dont have overarching storylines where they grow apart or closer, they're always in each other's corner.

2012 makes this more dynamic. here we see that 15 years seeing no one but each other, growing under this splinter has come with its own quirks. these brothers dont understand each other that well. they get jealous of each others treatment, some are left out, some are misunderstood. raph resents leo, none of them appreciate what donnie does, mikey bothers everyone else for attention, etc. it creates a really good starting place for this show.

(the issue i have with this show is more that they never really open or close any of these beats, at least not in ways that last. but boy does it make for some good dramatic scenes)

we see over the course of this first season that splinter treats his children just as he was, as little ninjas more so than sons. he raises them to follow his traditions, the ones tang shen never cared for. but this is all he knows how to be! you cant really blame him.

most people bring up mikey as the quintessential example when they talk about this, i dont want to do that cuz i know you've all heard it. while i think his father does disrespect him and i think it is paid forward and his brothers do too, i'd rather talk about raph for a change.

in one episode, raph loses his temper. to teach him a lesson, splinter makes his brothers pelt him in training while insulting him any way they can, and tells him to just... not lose his temper. this is a terrible lesson in general. instead of trying to coax out why he might be angry, it just plays up that if he loses his temper bad things happen.

splinter in this episode basically encourages bullying. this comes up a lot when it comes to raph. to compare, in 2003 when raph loses his temper, hes told to blow off steam which he does. his brothers don't blame him for having emotional outbursts, they know thats just how he is so they know how he needs to cope with it. he's given the physical space to let it out.

im not saying this show needs to be like that show, im just saying thats a version of this story where the outcome is better for raph as a whole. since this outcome is not as good for him emotionally, you can tell why he's still got these emotional issues. splinter never helps him more than that. thats more why this raph differs from that one, if that makes sense. one has his family in his corner more than the other.

speaking of. raph has a pet turtle. this turtle is the only one he can talk to about how he feels. why might that be? it's the only thing hes kind and gentle to, and he refuses to let his brothers make him feel weak for being kind to it. where did he learn to be ashamed of being kind and gentle? thats a learned behaviour. in a house full of other men... yeah, that would happen. but whos values start that?

when this turtle gets some mutagen spilled on it, it tries to get revenge on his family. there is such a resentment going on here, its extremely juicy. the show chalks this up to "post mutation insanity", but its just as easy to think that everything raph has experienced has made him seem angry and resentful and perhaps scared to his pet, and that former pet wants raph to himself so they can be free. the frustrated venting of a child complaining about how no one understands him in such a big way turns slash into a vengeful monster, cuz thats all he's ever heard. it makes sense, he went from a little turtle to a fully cognizant adult aged being in an instant. emotionally no one would handle that well, and definitely not someone whos only ever heard the worst about people.

he comes around later. notably by being on his own, away from the hamatos.

again, im not saying the show is writing this intentionally, but i think tonally its in the zone where you could see this analysis as being canon. that these little pieces of narrative fit the worldview of a toxic family unit that isnt dealing with its problems in a healthy way.

there's other small aspects. leo slaps mikey early on, having seen it on his favourite show be used as a way of getting someone to calm down. mikey questions this behaviour, leo seems to feel bad about it when questioned. if we know that that behaviour was bad, what other things might he emulate in a similar way?

there's things like donnie's predatory behaviour towards april. in a world where all they ever knew was splinter's stories of the outside world (and perhaps television from decades earlier), hearing splinter's story of his love for tang shen, his rivalry with his own brother over her, you could actually see why he would behave the way he does, why he claims her the way he does. not as an excuse, but as a reason he learned the behaviour. and there's multiple opportunities for his father to tell him off. he never does. why would he? he knows no better.

this splinter, unlike every other, is not old or disabled. he doesnt require a cane (at the start, but also was never a good cane) and its interesting that despite being like... a 40 year old man in the peak of his life he does not accompany his sons on missions. he sits around doing nothing and disproves of his sons heroic actions. april literally calls him out for this at one point. the show is actually telling us some of this man's behaviour is wrong.

one of the more upsetting things that happens in this household is a lot of physical hitting. "theyre training" you might say. understandable. but when you see a lot of hitting come from the father in this show, played for a laugh, when you see splinter play the "drunk master" bit it makes you think. is that okay? isnt that a bit much?

the end of the muckman episode is a freeze frame of splinter (after having knocked out all of his sons to punish them for leaving while grounded) turning his anger on april and her running away. idk thats just not funny to me. this is a bit of the dating of the show, 2012 was a time where character's in shows were meaner, less affectionate, more bullying in nature. that was the sense of humour at the time. that isnt me making a judgment, it's just kind of the era. a pre steven universe world, if that makes sense. so many of the jokes that end in a hit aren't funny in 2024. especially not when they come from a parent.

when this splinter speaks about his kids to their brothers he often ends up insulting them. "you should be like mikey, he never overthinks because he doesn't think", this would be a big reason the boys speak about each other the way they do to their faces. puts forward a bit more of that bullying thing i mentioned earlier. if their own father talks about them like this, of course their brothers do too. so of course they join in and give payback.

again. splinter wasnt raised in a normal family. he was raised in a ninja commune with a bunch of murderers. he wasn't great with his wife and baby daughter. its not surprising that he's bad at this.

so, ive just said a bunch of things about what's wrong with this household as a whole. i think ive explained why the family unit behaves the way it does: generational teachings of feuds and traditional values. i dont think this makes the show bad! i, in fact, wish there was more of it. i think theres so much low hanging fruit that the show kind of wants to play with, but cant fully bring itself to.

specific example: during the space arc on a planet thats driving all the characters emotions against each other we get this amazing scene where raph screams at leo for being splinter's favourite. leo responds by hugging him. its really well done!

however its never brought up again, never actually getting into the nitty gritty of why raph feels like that is exactly what i think makes this show resonate with so many people

its dark! it pulls at your heart strings! it makes people feel seen! we go in mikey's head at one point and see such splintered (lol) personalities in his head. he has a huge anger problem (much like raph) in there. he retreats into imagination land when stressed. the show kind of toys with "these kids are fucked up!" but never lets those character moments go anywhere. i love how fucked up this family is. its so complex, it feels real. at least real to me. i wish it went that little step further and let the characters talk about these things a little more.

maybe you have a different experience, and thats fine! but i wouldnt brush off people like me who look at 2012 and say "these dynamics make me uncomfortable". to excuse it by saying "my family is like that and we're fine" sometimes i just wanna say... <:/ are you? have you talked about that? and if that's your read on it is that its fine, thats great. but some people notice patterns and those patterns can make them uncomfortable. i hope ive explained the patterns here.

i think thats why the fandom is as big as it is. this show would lead to the most amazing deep introspective fan-works youve ever seen, it lays the pieces out so perfectly for you to draw your own conclusions about why they are this way. you cant really blame people for talking about it as if its got a way higher rating than it does. it feels like it does.

i should say, i dont even know if i blame the show on its own for leaving those pieces laying there, it was on nickelodeon. i sense studio meddling in the tone. i mean, given that the show wanted to end with the big mutant apocalypse storyline, and yet the network wanted to end it with the big 87 crossover..... yeah i think its safe to say nick would rather they keep it light.

which is funny, because i think the most controversial thing i can say is i personally love the finale arc as the mutant apocalypse. it so encapsulates my favorite part of this show. to end this show in the darkest timeline and say "even though these characters are so far removed from who they used to be and even though the entire world is over they still have each other in the end" and i find that so perfect.

so. i understand that this is always a touchy topic. i know people want to brush it off as "people say the 12 brothers are abusive to mikey but mikey is fine", and i think thats a really skewed version of it from both sides. first of all. mikey is not fine, look in that boys head. look how he copes. he's not. but also, mikey is not the only victim. they all are. these turtles are victims of their upbringing, victims of generational war. of men who didnt know how to be good fathers in the first place. and thats good writing! it feels deep! it connects!

for more context: any fucked up way you can think of karai being raised by shredder? its probably the same way here. splinter and shredder were raised the same way.

i guess i think about this a lot, cuz i always see things like "oh, rise fans write crossovers where the rise boys love each other and have to teach the 12 boys how to be nice cuz they dont like 2012!" and i just think to myself:

guys. do you understand why a person might do that? why would someone (likely a teenager) want 2012 mikey to be treated nicely by a kinder more openly affectionate version of his own family? do i need to spell that out for you? why do we connect with media at all, why do we write our own stories about it?

if you genuinely dont. i mean, im glad for you. but sometimes you wanna imagine a world in which your own family is more openly affectionate with you. where they hug and tell you theyre proud and love you and you never have to question it, never have to look elsewhere for that kind of approval. its less that they're idolizing rise, and more that they're looking at the two families and saying "this one is emotionally mature and in touch with their feelings more than that one. how would that play out?"

doctor feelings ass response.

look, im not saying everyone understands 2012, that everyone likes or needs to like it. im just trying to say that i think these fucked up parts of 2012 are all around my favourite parts of the show. its an inspiring story about this fucked up little family that has no one but each other, and they're not great about it. they try, but they don't always get it right. i just wish the show would have talked about that part more. but i think that since it doesnt people get to fill in those blanks themselves, and they do it so beautifully. and i really wish people on the internet would be more kind to one another when they wanted to discuss these darker themes they find in it.

these are the reasons i love this show. i think its so very interesting that splinter dies this fucked up father figure who never really apologized for his behaviour. i like that raph needs to be held to stop punching his brothers. that leo doesnt have a good grip on what it is to be a leader, that he tries bad ways of doing it. i like that no one copes well! i like that their relationships are so complex! this show is messy! its good! i wish it was more messy!

and id love if we could be more honest about these things and how they make us feel instead of just brushing each other off as "likes the show" or "doesnt like the show". the things that make me uncomfortable are why i love this show and i'm pretty sure i'm not alone there.

[emberdew]

Trans Danny Fic Recs 🏳️‍⚧️

Hi! For Pride Month I wanted to make a list of a bunch of fics that feature trans Danny that I like! Here we go:

One-shots

What are you going to do, fight the sun? by TheBadDragon || 1k One-shot. It's one of the few stories I've read where both Danny and Vlad are trans and I love it.

For Whom the Bell Tolls by @raaorqtpbpdy || 35k One-shot. This features a really interesting AU. I love that it deals with the question "if Danny is trans and he and Dani are siblings, do people think Danny named himself after his sister?"

Original by between || 4k One-shot. This is the only story I can think of where Danny comes out as trans to Dani. It is really sweet.

Pregaming is only distasteful if the deceased is actually dead and/or a good person. by @ficauthor || 14k One-shot. This story is so funny! It has great trans jokes (written by trans author).

Wrong Feeling by @gh0stzonedarchive || 2k One-shot. A nice nonbinary Danny coming out story.

Unpacking ALL of THAT. by @kawaiijohn || 6k One-shot. A nice story about Paulina saving Danny and then having a conversation while trapped in a box. It features trans (and bi) Danny and lesbian Paulina.

making it through by @robotbeowulf || 2k One-shot. A sweet story where Mr. Lancer helps Phantom and also comes out as trans to him.

Closet Space by @ecto-american || 2k One-shot. A sweet story where Danny and Sam are both trans and swap clothes.

oh, simple thing (breathing such harsh air) by Possiblyenjoyable || 3k One-shot. A really good story where Vlad may be a villain, but at least he's not transphobic.

Multichapter and Series

A Lot To Learn by @vampyra142001 || 21k Incomplete series. A nice Vlad redemption story. I really like how Danny being trans is incorporated into the story. Plus Vlad is ace.

Friends in Strange Places by @sunnys567 || 100k Complete multi-chap. This AU is really good and I love that Danny's friends learn about their own identities during Vlad's "coming out" trip.

Lightning by @tourettesdog || 21k Incomplete multi-chap. This is one of my favorite No One Knows AU stories and one of the few fics I can think of from Sam's POV. It features the iconic line: “Phantom’s trans— what an icon.” TourettesDog has several other fics with trans Danny that I like too, including Phantom at Pride.

Cognitive Dissonance by @secretly-an-automaton || 9k Complete multi-chap. A super sweet Gray Ghost revelation story! Danny being trans is a part of the reveal, which I think is a cool concept.

the haunting murders of bristol mansion by @antelabbitsghost || 8k Complete multi-chap. A really funny Buzzfeed Unsolved inspired story. Featuring Danny calling it transphobic when furniture falls on him lol.

Casper High’s New Nurse by @thewiltingdaisy || 55k Complete multi-chap. This story features one of my favorite tropes- an OC adult who helps struggling children with their problems. Danny is trans and the OC nurse character is nonbinary, which is cool!

Food as a Love Language by GooseJacket || 13k Incomplete series. Another fic where Danny and Vlad are both trans (and pan), which I appreciate despite it not coming up in the story much. I really love Danny and Kyle’s relationship in it though; they’re really cute together.

Mundane to Monstrous Ghost by @goliath-de-senfina-sango || 75k Complete multi-chap (part of an incomplete series, but ends in a nice place). This canon rewrite is really cool! Danny uses a wish from Desiree to magically transition, which is amazing.

DPxDC

Unearthed, Reborn by @queenofthequillandink || 62k Incomplete multi-chap. An amazing story featuring soft Eternal Trio with Jason as their teen half ghost son. In addition to Danny being trans, Dick Grayson also transes their gender. Plus there are trans puns!

Rooftop Express by @cheezygoddess || 89k Incomplete multi-chap. A really good Dead on Main story featuring trans Danny and trans Jason.

Wanted: Dead and Alive by @aster-draws || 121k Complete multi-chap. A very angsty vivisection fic with a happy ending. Danny is both trans and intersex. And of course, the GIW are transphobic.

Unlimited Love by @oliveofvanders || 10k Incomplete series. Some nice one-shots featuring trans Danny and the Death Defying (Danny/Dick) ship. I especially like the second fic about the pride parade.

Of All the Things My Hands Have Held by @disillusioneddanny || 17k Complete multi-chap. A cute Dead Serious story where Danny and Damian raise a baby together. I think it's funny that Talia gives them the baby partly because she doesn't know Danny is trans. DisillusionedDanny actually has a bunch of really good fics with trans Danny, including Eat The Acid and Love Like You.

Phantom in Gotham by @artemismoorea03 || 320k Incomplete series. This series is incredible! Poor Danny has to deal with some upsetting situations, but everyone in the Batfam who learns that Danny is trans is supportive which is sweet.

Liminal Familiarity by @isitcowboytimes || 70k Incomplete multi-chap. A nice angsty AU where Danny helps Jason after he becomes half ghost. There's a scene where Danny transforms back to human after being only Phantom for a while and he gets hit with gender dysphoria and being human dysphoria at the same time, oof.

Stalking Astronauts: Gotham's Latest Social Media Craze! by @tachvintlogic || 54k Complete multi-chap. This is a really interesting twist on the usual DPxDC adoption trope where Danny is afraid of being adopted, and he doesn't need to be because he's an adult and a successful astronaut. Unfortunately because of his facial masculinization surgery, everyone thinks he looks a Wayne.

Barely Surviving in a World Antithetical to My Existence by DomesticatedOpossum and Vampirenote13 || 67k Incomplete multi-chap. Danny gets isekaied to Gotham and helped by Constantine and the bats eventually. I like that both Danny and Tim are trans in this.

Better Halves (and other such falsehoods) by @astereaes || 132k Incomplete multi-chap. An amazing fake relationship Danny/Tim story! Tim doesn't know that Danny is trans for a while but he also doesn't know a lot of things about Danny lol.

I'll be updating this list as I read/remember other cool trans Danny fics, so feel free to send recs or promote your own fics! Last updated: 9/16/24.

[pixiesfz]

I’m sorry this took so long to put up I just had the WORST writers block

a walk down memory lane j.r x reader

plot: you take Olivia’s dog on a walk and run into Jill

warning: mentions of sa, bruises, anxiety, this series is based of the book it ends with us

“So can you just look after him for a couple of days?” Olivia asked you from the doorway as you patted her dog Stanley.

“Absolutely, my life’s been a bit boring so he should shake things up” you smiled, standing up to grab the dog food from Olivia’s hands.

“Speaking of your life” Olivia trailed off and you looked down to your feet “I can sense something is up with you and Ellie”

You froze.

How do you answer her? You couldn’t just straight out tell her that your girlfriend had hit you, Ellie loves you and you knew it and she hadn’t hit you again, at least not purposely.

But you could feel yourself pulling away.

She may have loved you but you didn’t love her, not anymore.

“I uhm- yeah” you stated shortly and your friend quirked her eyebrow “what’s happened?” She asked and you sighed, lifting your hand to brush your hair back, not seeing Olivia’s eyes stare at your bruised wrists from when Ellie accidently gripped your wrist to tight on a walk.

“We just had an argument that’s all” you shrugged and she nodded, not convinced.

“Well if anything happens call me, I’m here for you” she said and you nodded “thanks”.

"Please do" she said softly, urgency written on her face as you tried to look away from her.

Letting Stanley off of his leash at the local park you finally took a deep breath.

You knew you had to get out of your relationship, you knew it would be the best option for you but you were scared.

really scared.

You stared at your wrist, covering it up with your jacket before Stanley came running up to you with a soccer ball in his mouth, thankfully not having popped it.

“Stanley that’s not ours” you laughed at the sight

He dropped it at your feet and sat down, wagging his tail.

“I didn’t know you had a dog”

You looked up from Stanley to see Jill who was smiling ear to ear.

“Oh uhm I don’t, I’m just looking after a friends” you told her and she nodded “but he needs to learn not to steal” you joked and grabbed the soccer ball and looked at Jill

“This yours?”

She nodded “yeah but he looks like he wants it more than me right now” she laughed and you laughed with her.

A silence fell over as you both watched the cute dog roll the ball around.

"How are you?" Jill asked and you shrugged

terrible, unsafe, sick of life

"I'm good"

"Anything else?" she asked and you let out a small laugh "sorry I didn't mean to be blunt I just have a lot on my mind I guess" you told her and she nodded her head "Is it because of looking after a living animal, I remember you couldn't even keep a plant alive" she laughed and you thought back to the multiple plants you tried to have as a teenager.

"Not a good plant mum but I think a dog mum may be different, they at least speak when they aren't fed" you smirked before Stanley barked from his spot, now revealing a popped soccerball

"I can get you a new one-" "Don't bother I have plenty, it is my job after all"

You smiled "Isn't it cool? We both got into our dream jobs" you smiled and Jill turned to you "Did you get into writing?" she smiled and you nodded "As soon as I moved I got into it, can be slow at times but I don't regret it"

Jill smiled, proud of you and your achievements "Last time I checked you were still at Wolfsburg" you said, explaining your shock at the game "you keeping tabs on me?" Jill teased.

You gave her a look "Oh c'mon of course I would, I just happened to miss your transfer to City" you told her and her smile grew. "I tried to check on with you" she admitted "I couldn't get access to your phone, your parents basically cut me off every time I rang the home number but I asked around"

"spying on me?"

"Well I cared" she told you and you both shared a look.

"I just wanted to make sure your safe, it is the one thing you deserve most"

you weren't safe.

You didn't respond with words but looked down nodding your head "thanks Jill".

"Any popular songs I may of heard that are actually written by you?"

You smiled "Do you know Adele's song 'All I Ask'"

Jill gasped "Yes"

"Yeah I didn't write that one"

You tried not to laugh at Jill's lack of excitement as you joked "Well it's good to know you still haven't lost your humor"

You felt your phone buzz against your jeans as you shared an apologetic look with Jill "I have to-" "take it, I'll play with the dog who's name is?" she pondered off as you accepted the call "It's Stanley!" You yelled out to her.

"Who are you talking to?"

A chill ran up your spine.

Why didn't you check the caller ID.

"Just someone who wanted to pat Stanley" you said, technically telling the truth "You've been out a long time" Ellie's voice grew accusingly.

"I took him to the park" you said as if it wasn't a big deal.

Unbeknownst to you Jill watched your phone call, she assumed it was your partner when you accepted the call but something didn't feel right to her about Ellie.

But she wasn't sure if it was because Ellie was living the life she always wanted, a public relationship with you.

Your breath hitched on the phone when Ellie didn't answer straight away, only a strained hmm on her behalf "Is that why your standing there talking to your ex-girlfriend" You widened your eyes and started to frantically look around which caused Jill to stand up with caution.

"we're going home y/n" Ellie commanded you, her tone angry as you grew scared

"y/n are you okay?" Jill softly asked you

You nodded your head before picking up Stanley's leash "okay El" you said, your voice quiet, damaged.

You dropped your phone from your ear "It was nice talking to you Jill but unfortunately I have to go" Your heart was racing as you clipped the dogs lead onto his collar, your breath shortening as Jill watched in confusion before you walked away quickly into a sleek black car.

Ellies hand clung onto your thigh as soon as you sat down and tears pricked your eyes "It was just a conversation-" "Shut up" she told you and you took a big breath in.

You couldn't do it anymore.

As Ellie's grip on you tightened your left hand reached behind your back to find your phone and pulled it out to the outer side of your outside leg to hide it.

You texted on Olivia's contact before typing.

'help me'

Though she would get the message and come home it wouldn't save you from the punishment you would get when Ellie pushes you threw the front doors.

[lurkingshan]

What are your favorite examples of deep unbridled yearning in a bl? I think my is I told the sunset about you the way they used the coconut smell to showcase one the leads feelings for the other was so unique and sensual. He starts out hating coconut and how it smells but slowly as he falls in love he becomes obsessed with it since it's the other MLs unique scent and he uses it on everything, so we get a scene of him inhaling a paper written by the MLs coconut pen and then another one just devouring a coconut like it's the best thing in earth. I don't think I have ever seen such a depiction of attraction/love/lust that's so different but also visceral and beautiful and it really stuck with me. It's very different but it's one of the rare romance things that I'll never forget akin to the hand flex from pride and prejudice.

So you want to talk about yearning.

*Lan Wangji has entered the chat*

There’s a lot of good yearning in the romance genre, and plenty of bls feature it. The example you gave from ITSAY is definitely one of the standouts in terms of how visceral it felt. I will never forget Teh shoving his whole face into that coconut, or all the super charged scenes where he and Oh-aew stare at and touch each other and keep testing boundaries until they break.

There are definitely other expressions of yearning that stick out for me for one reason or another, and not all in this same tone.

The Untamed

Let’s get this out of the way upfront, because no one can step to this man on yearning. He adopted a whole child and named him after his yearning for his lost love. What I love about the presentation of Lan Wangji's particular flavor of yearning is how steady and matter of fact it is. He is always yearning for Wei Wuxian and it's just a part of who he is, whether his love is alive or dead. And while I love that Teh is such a big mess of emotions, I also like this more understated flavor of yearning where nothing is ever said out loud but Lan Wangji's feelings are clear in how he chooses to live his life. He's the poster boy for "actions speak louder than words."

Eternal Yesterday

I'm not sure if you've seen this one, but it's one of the most poignant and devastating depictions of yearning I have ever seen. Mitsuru yearned for Koichi so hard that he kept his body alive for precious extra days and his memory alive forever. Brb gonna go cry.

Utsukushii Kare 2

This is probably one of the more unique expressions of the emotion (on brand for this series), since this sequel season has Kiyoi yearning for the man who is already his boyfriend to love him for real instead of idolizing and holding him from a distance. It's one of my favorite explorations of how lonely we can feel even while in a relationship.

I Cannot Reach You

This show wins for best visual effects to convey yearning, with a beautiful bokeh effect taking over the screen in moments when the characters were extra in their feelings over each other.

Unknown

Wei Yuan's yearning was more of the desperate and hopeless variety, especially in his teens years when he knew his feelings for his adoptive older brother were impossible. I liked that his feelings were expressed via caretaking; he didn't think he could have the relationship he really wanted with Wei Qian, so he made it his mission to take care of him and help shoulder his burdens instead.

I Feel You Linger in the Air

This story stands out in my memory for its dedication to anticipatory yearning. That is, knowing a separation is coming against your will and yearning desperately for the person who is still in front of you. Yai and Jom did not want to let each other go despite knowing they could not stay together, and that yearning was so strong it ultimately connected them through time.

Theory of Love

And on the comedic end of the spectrum, I absolutely cannot end this list without giving a shoutout to one of the funniest manifestations of yearning that has ever graced my screen. Every time his feelings for Khai got overwhelming, Third ran to the bathroom for a Sadness Shower, and if the water wasn't working he was happy to improvise (and now I am cackling).

[joelalorian]

beneath the silent boughs, whispers of danger flow

Frankie Morales x f!reader | WC: 5.8k | 18+ mdni | masterlist

Summary: An adventure planned to impress you goes sideways, leaving Frankie scrambling to get you both out alive.

Warnings: Cursing, danger, drugs, guns, injuries, and some good ol' outdoor sexy times (blow job and p eating). Established relationship. Set in Florida panhandle (so no mountains, unfortunately). Reader is a blank slate except for hair in a ponytail. No use of y/n.

A/N: Written for the Summer Lovin 2024 writing challenge created by @pedgito, @chaotic-mystery, and @amanitacowboy (thank you, lovelies!). I was given the above moodboard and the following prompts: Hiking, Frankie, and 'you always carry an extra pair?' I had a lot of fun with this, so thank you ladies (gn)! Also, thank you to @saradika-graphics for the dividers!

“I want to take you hiking.”

You stilled, head swiveling to stare at Frankie incredulously. “Hiking? Frankie, this is Florida. There’s no hiking here.”

Undeterred, he smiled until that enticing little dimple in his cheek came out to say hi. “Not Colorado level hiking like you’re used to, no. But we do have some hills and caves in the Panhandle that I want to show you. Have you ever been caving?”

“No, I’ve never been caving. I make it a rule to avoid bats, so caving is a hard pass,” you replied, scrunching your nose up in distaste, an expression Frankie found endearing.

Frankie stared up at you from his prone position on the bed while you fixed your hair. He could watch you for hours. “Oh, come on! You’ve hiked the Rockies with grizzlies and shit, but you’re telling me bats cross the line?”

A few short steps closed the distance between the vanity and the bed, and your fingers reached out to run through Frankie’s mop of messy curls. “We all have our limits, chulo. Besides, why are you so insistent on this?”

Shrugging, he sat up, one large hand grasping your wrist. Frankie placed a series of kisses along the soft, supple skin along the underside of your forearm. “I dunno. I just want to impress you, you know? Take you hiking somewhere you’ve never been before.” His free hand scrubbed at the back of his neck in that nervous tick of his. “I can’t afford to take you on fancy trips, so…”

Still in the early days of your relationship, Frankie labored under the impression that you needed to be wooed. Little did he know you fell for him the moment you laid eyes on him, the night your best friend introduced you to her boyfriend’s best friends. Classic friends to lovers trope, it took you both a while to fess up to the depth of your true feelings, but when you finally did…

Things were good, really good.

“Babe, you don’t need to take me on fancy trips. I don’t want you to take me on fancy trips, not unless it’s somewhere you really want to go,” you emphasized, your hands cradling his face. Placing a soft kiss on his pouty lips, the scruff of his beard tickling your chin, you continued, “I want us to do things together, share the burden together. If we want to travel, we’ll plan something together. Fancy’s not really my style anyway.”

When you pulled back, Frankie followed, his lips seeking yours once again. The kiss deepened as you sat on the bed, his tongue licking into your mouth and caressing yours with such finesse it set your soul on fire. You didn’t have time to follow through on the promise of that kiss, though.

“We have to get going or we’ll be late,” you reprimanded, easing back to your feet.

“I’m sure Benny would understand if we were late to his match,” Frankie pouted, his large hands trying so hard to grasp your hips and pull you back in. You dodged him with artful precision, using the defensive moves he taught you.

“Nuh uh, come on. I’ll let you take me hiking this weekend if you get your ass moving right now.”

After a five-hour road trip followed by a restful sleep in the cabin Frankie booked, you found yourself clinging to Frankie’s broad frame for warmth on a guided cave tour in the Florida Caverns State Park on Saturday morning. The temperature difference between the surface and the cave more than you bargained for, you’d freeze without your boyfriend’s arm around you or the long-sleeved shirt he pulled from his backpack.

The whole ride up from Tampa, you thought Frankie wanted to do the full-on spelunking experience, repelling down cave walls with helmets and belay lines, exploring crevices and shit. It turned out he just wanted to go on a guided walking tour of the caves – nothing crazy or dangerous. Thank goodness! You were adventurous, but not quite that much!

The stalagmites and stalactites were actually pretty cool, especially backlit as they were with thoughtfully placed lighting features chosen by the park staff, but you preferred to explore nature’s offerings aboveground. At least there were zero bat sightings!

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” Frankie asked once the tour concluded, and you were left to explore the surface of the park on your own or head back to the car. His arm still around your shoulders, the last of the lingering chill fading away, you smiled up at him.

“Nah, it was pretty cool, actually,” you admitted. Stripping off the extra layer, you handed it back to Frankie. “Thanks for this, babe.”

He beamed at that, tossing a fist in the air. “One point for me then!”

“Easy there, flyboy.” Patting his chest with a hearty laugh, you asked, “Where do we want to explore next?”

Glancing at his watch, Frankie hummed. “Let’s go check out Apalachicola National Forest - we saw it on the drive over. It’s huge and there are lots of less traveled trails to check out.”

“’Less traveled trails’ huh? You plan on murdering me and disposing my body off one of those trails?” You bumped your shoulder against his as you teased.

“Pssshhh, never,” he replied with a laugh, kissing your forehead as you climbed into his car. Once he settled in the driver’s seat, Frankie turned to you with a devilish grin. “I had other things in mind when considering which trails to explore.”

“Oh, really? Do tell.” He merely smirked at you.

The drive between the two areas went by quick, Frankie trying his best to one up you on hiking knowledge and bragging about rucking miles with a 50-pound rucksack in the military.

“Your skills are clearly legendary, chulo. My leisurely day hikes along the easiest trails in the Rockies have nothing on you.” Flashing him a teasing wink, you double knotted your hiking boots and grabbed your backpack, which likely weighed a tenth of what Frankie used to carry. Eyeing the pack he tossed over his shoulders, you asked, “How much does that one weigh, tough guy?”

“You tease now, la bronquinosa, but you never know if you’re gonna need something from this pack.” He shot a quick text off to Santi, letting him know where you two were headed just in case. Cell reception could be spotty in the area, he warned you on the ride up.

You followed Frankie toward the main trail marker, enjoying the view of his backside as you did. “That’s my Frankie, always the voice of reason.”

Despite the sun being near the midpoint of the sky, the forest canopy blocked most of the heat. Still, it was Florida, so you hiked in shorts and tee shirts to avoid overheating, skin slathered in sunblock and bug spray. You strolled in peaceful silence for a while, letting the sounds of nature wash over you as Frankie led the way with his innate sense of direction to the trail he wanted to check out.

You passed a few folks on the main trail, mostly couples or small families out exploring the shorter loop. As you progressed farther into the forest and off the main trail, it felt like you were the only two people amongst a sea of flora. Hiking and chatting about whatever came to mind turned out to be a great way to spend a Saturday with your handsome, rugged boyfriend.

After a while, he pulled you off the trail into a copse of trees along a small creek. A flat rock outcrop right next to the river marked the perfect place to take a break. Frankie dug the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches he made the day before out of his pack, handing one to you. The two of you sat on the rock and devoured the sandwiches and a bottle of water each as you enjoyed the serenity of the water babbling in the creek.

Once your stomachs were sated, Frankie leant over and kissed your neck in that spot that always set your senses on fire. Glancing around, you confirmed that no one traveling along the trail would see you before giving into the sensations.

“You’re giving me goosebumps, chulo,” you crooned, fingers knocking the cap from his head to run through his thick, curly locks.

Frankie continued his ministrations, nipping and sucking little love bites on your sensitive skin as he worked his way down your body. Before long, he was on his knees, working your shorts open and down your thighs with nimble fingers until they slipped to the ground. “Time for dessert, I think,” he said before pulling the gusset of you’re already soaked panties aside. His dark eyes soaked in the view of your glistening pussy for several long moments before diving into lap at your juices.

Back arching in pleasure, your hips slid forward on the rock, legs spread wide for Frankie. Mewls and moans left your lips, echoing off the trees as he worked your clit with his tongue, one thick finger dipping inside you.

“Fuck, Frankie,” you gasped when he hit that spongy bundle of nerves with the curl of his finger. Master at eating pussy that he was, Frankie had you coming, hard, in minutes, and he drank up every drop that leaked from you.

He sat back on his haunches after working you through it, mustache and chin scruff glistening with the evidence of a job well done as he grinned. “Mmm, that’s the best dessert a man could ask for.”

You grinned back at him, slinking from atop the rock to join him on the ground, hands already grabbing for the button of his shorts. “My turn.”

Without further ado, Frankie fell back on the ground, legs straightening as you eased his shorts down his slim hips. Mindful of the wilderness, you left his boxer briefs in place, one hand delicately extracting his hardened length from the hidden opening. Frankie had the most beautiful cock you’d ever seen – long and girthy, perfect upward curve and a prominent vein on the underside that just begged for you to lick it.

He watched you with those dark chocolate, baby cow eyes, pouty lips dropped open as you swiped the flat of your tongue along his entire length. Those beautiful eyes about rolled back in his head when your lips wrapped around the head of his cock, tongue tracing along the little slit in search of precum.

Sucking his cock into your mouth eagerly, you drew lewd moans and whimpers from Frankie. “Fuck, carino. You’re so good at this. You were made to suck my cock.” One large hand grasped your ponytail, wrapping the hair around his palm to direct your movements. His other hand clawed at the ground, fingernails scraping into the dirt.

On edge, Frankie pulled you back by the hair, giving you both a chance to catch your breath before the pressure of his hand forced your mouth back down onto his cock. You took him deep, the broad head hitting the back of your throat with each bob of your head. You loved the feel of nearly choking on him, knowing how much he fucking loved it.

At the gentle scrape of your teeth along his mushroom head, Frankie lost it. Thick ropes of cum hit your tongue as your mouth continued working him until he was a whimpering mess from the overstimulation.

It took a few minutes to recover, Frankie’s chest heaving as he caught his breath from the coming so mind-blowingly hard. You stood to find your shorts on to note the uncomfortable dampness of your panties. Frankie looked up from buttoning his own shorts at your groan.

“What’s wrong, carino?”

Your hips shifted awkwardly, trying to adjust to the feeling as you pulled your shirts up your legs. “My panties are uncomfortably wet,” you whined, shoulders slumped.

Head shaking, Frankie chuckled. “Don’t worry, I got you covered, hermosa.” Digging around in his pack, he pulled out a fresh pair of your panties.

Mouth dropping open, you just stared at him for a moment. “You always carry an extra pair of my underwear around with you?”

Frankie laughed as you snatched them from his hand. “I’ve learned the hard way to always be prepared, hermosa. I carry an extra pair of everything.”

“Fucking boy scout,” you muttered under your breath, yanking on the fresh panties followed by your shorts.

“No, hermosa, fucking Delta Force,” he replied with a cheeky wink.

Once you were both sufficiently put together again, he kissed you, teeth nipping at your bottom lip like it was a gummy worm. “Alright, hermosa, ready to keep going?” Frankie asked, scooping his hat from where you tossed it and placing it on his head.

You nodded, grasping his hand to lead the way back to the trail. A thin sheen of sweat from the recent activities covered your bodies as you walked. After a while, Frankie steered you off onto a trail that looked like it had barely ever been used. Vegetation grew in an arch over the limited path, leaving you feeling like an explorer traversing undiscovered land. You watched the ground carefully, trying to avoid tripping over exposed roots. So focused were you on the ground that you didn’t see the low hanging limb that Frankie ducked under in time.

“Ow! Fuck, that hurt!” you exclaimed when your forehead smacked into the unforgiving hardwood, nearly knocking you off your feet.

Startled at your exclamation, Frankie turned to find you ducking under the tree, hand hovering over a gash in your forehead. “Oh shit! Hermosa, let me see.” He eased your hand away, thick fingertips assessing the damage with tender touches.

“Does it look as bad as it feels?” you asked, voice pitched higher due to the pain.

“That tree branch gotcha pretty good,” Frankie admitted, slipping the pack from his shoulders. He kept talking as he dug through the pack for his trusty first aid kit. “It’s bleeding a lot, like head wounds do, but I don’t think you need stitches or anything.”

“Well thank fuck for that. It better not scar,” you grumbled, letting your boyfriend tend to your wound. His nose scrunched up, tongue poking out between his lips as he concentrated on tenderly cleaning the wound.

“There you go, almost good as new,” he said after placing a gentle kiss over the bandage he’d just secured over the gash.

“My hero,” you teased, fluttering your eyelashes at him.

Waving you off with a chuckle, Frankie hefted the pack over his shoulders and took your hand. “Want to call it a day or keep going? I’m good with whatever you want to do.”

You pretended to mull it over for a moment. “Let’s keep going. We didn’t come all this way just to hike for an hour.”

If only you knew how much you’d regret those words.

Deeper into the forest, you spotted a great horned owl perched in a live oak, eyes closed and blending in so well you almost missed it. The bird of prey only cracked an eye open when you stepped on particularly crunchy detritus trying to get closer. Frankie snapped a few pictures of the owl, along with a couple of snakes, ospreys, and even a bald eagle that you spotted on the hike.

At a small clearing, you stopped for a water break. Something off in the brush caught your eye when you bent to retie your shoe. Squinting, you needed confirmation from Frankie on what you were seeing.

“Babe, take a look at this,” you called him over to where you hunched down. “Look over there, just past the thick brush, in that patch of sunlight. Is that what I think it is?”

Frankie followed your line of sight, eyebrows raised. “If you’re thinking those are a couple of pot plants, then yes.”

Shooting him a mischievous look, you stepped closer to the hidden plants. “What in the world are they doing out here? There’s only a few. Maybe we should take a bit to enjoy back at the camp.”

Frankie stepped up behind you, shocked at your audacity. “Hermosa, I don’t think that’s a good idea. We don’t know who that belongs to. I can tell you right now, whoever it is, they are definitely the type of people we do not want to steal from.”

“Oh, please,” you waved him off, stepping through the underbrush until you closed in on the pot plants. “I’ll only grab a bit; they’ll hardly notice a few buds missing.”

“Fuck,” Frankie hissed, following when you didn’t stop at the first plant you reached. You snapped off a flower from a few plants, trying to be discreet and not just shred an entire plant. You noticed a few more plants and followed the narrow clearing between trees to reach them.

The pattern continued as curiosity took over, following the small patches until you stepped out of the protection of the trees into a larger clearing with far more plants and evidence of some kind of clandestine drug operation surrounding you. A rundown cabin sat to one side, windows covered from the inside and caked with dirt on the outside. A growing pile of trash peaked from behind it. The arid smell of ammonia hung in the air stinging Frankie’s lungs.

The sound of dogs barking sounded nearby, yet his scan of your surroundings didn’t locate them. He did, however, count two pickup trucks and a few all-terrain vehicles. This was very much not good. It only became worse when a couple of men exited the cabin, standing on the beaten down porch for an apparent cigarette break.

“Hermosa, we need to get the fuck out of here.” He tugged you down out of sight, slipping a hand over your mouth as you yelped. He didn’t smother the sound in time, and it drew the attention of the men. Frankie hurriedly dragged you by the hand back to the thick forest, shouts from the men echoing behind you.

Somehow, you both lost sight of the unmarked trail you came from. Hugging the tree line until Frankie found a spot to slip through the thicket, you looked over your shoulder. Your eyes widened as one of the men reached behind him, pulling a pistol out of the back of his pants.

“Oh no, that can’t be good,” you groaned, drawing Frankie’s attention as you turned around to hurry into the woods. He immediately clocked the guy with the gun, running across the clearing, as the other men started up the ATVs, engines roaring to life.

“We need to move!” Frankie’s voice pitched deeper than usual, urgency taking over as gunshots rang in the air, pulling you deeper into the thicket. One hand dug in his pack, removing a Glock 9mm from a hidden pocket. He let go of your hand for a moment to check the clip and pull back the slide, humming in satisfaction once it was locked and loaded.

You just followed numbly, doe-eyed and head aching from the gash, panic already setting in. “Are those guys gonna come after us?” you squeaked.

“Most likely,” Frankie replied, mind whirling. He didn’t want to scare you, but you needed to know the truth. “We weren’t meant to find that place. It smelled like a meth lab; did you notice that? We need to hoof it, find somewhere to lay low while I come up with a plan.”

The two of you raced through the woods, relying on Frankie’s innate sense of direction and his memory of geological features you passed during your hike. You breathed a sigh of temporary relief that the barely-there path you followed was in no way wide enough for the ATVs, the engine sounds growing distant.

“Come on, hermosa. We need to keep moving, but I also need to check the phone for a signal. Can you dig it out of the front pocket of my bag without stopping?” Frankie’s demeaner remained calm, collected as you practically fell apart.

“S-sure,” you replied, voice as shaky as your trembling hands. With awkward, jerky movements, you managed to unzip and remove Frankie’s cell phone from the pack while keeping up with his rushed movement through the forest. Powering the phone on, you waited as it searched for a signal.

Two bars… that had to be enough, right?

“Here, there’s not much signal.” You handed the phone to Frankie and watched as he quickly pulled up Santi’s contact.

Your fingers crossed until the call went through. Frankie spoke frantically into the phone once Santi answered, but you couldn’t decipher what he said. The sound of your own breathing and pounding heart echoed in your ears, drowning out everything else. You don’t know how long they talked – it could have been minutes or hours – but you watched the tension in Frankie’s shoulders ease ever so slightly when he ended the call.

“The boys aren’t far. They were headed up here already, jealous of the adventure we’re on or some shit,” Frankie explained, still maintaining a hurried pace back toward the main trail. “Santi’s gonna call the cops, tell ‘em what we saw. I gotta send him coordinates.”

At last, Frankie slowed to a stop, eyes searching the sea of trees in every direction, trying to figure out where to go as his fingers worked his phone, sending a text to Santi with approximate coordinates based on your current location.

“What are we gonna do?” you asked, a chill washing over you despite the searing heat of the day. Your arms wrapped around yourself, seeking comfort any way you could find it.

Glancing up once the text went through, Frankie took in your obvious panic. “Hermosa, baby, it’s ok. We’re gonna be ok. I just have to find us somewhere to lay low for a bit until the boys or the authorities get here.”

He’d kill for a topographical map right then.

“Let’s head back for that creek where we… you know. We’ll need to get creative to stay out of sight in case any of those guys are tracking us. Okay, hermosa?”

You nodded; bottom lip squished between your teeth to keep it from wobbling. “I’ll do whatever you tell me, babe.”

“That’s my good girl,” Frankie smiled then, lightening the mood for a moment. Grasping your hand, he set off again, paced hurried but still manageable on the uneven path. The last thing he needed was for you to roll an ankle tripping over an exposed root as you ran through the forest.

The ATV engines rumbled in the background, reminding you both that the bad men were still out there, searching for you. Time became this weird, liminal thing as Frankie led you through the forest, never stopping until he spotted rocky outcrops, the stream from earlier visible beyond.

“Time to get creative. You ready?” His hands came up to frame your face, dark eyes searching your own. At your nod, Frankie leant in, pressing his lips to yours in a tender kiss, thumbs stroking your cheeks. Pulling back, his eyes never left yours. “I love you; did you know that? I think I loved you from the moment we met.”

Flummoxed, you giggled, brows raised in shock. “And this is the moment you choose to tell me?”

“Well, yeah,” he mumbled, chagrined. One hand dropped from your face to swipe at the back of his neck. “I…”

“I love you, too, Frankie. Always have, always will. Just, please, get me out of here alive.” You pressed your lips to his, tongue slipping into his mouth to tangle with his for a moment. It might have been a weird time to exchange the L-word, but it served to lessen your panic. You could so easily lose yourself in the moment, if not for the sound of the ATVs. Were they getting closer?

“I won’t let anything happen to you, hermosa. Not now, not ever.”

You followed Frankie down to the stream and watched as he dipped his hands into the water, scooping up some of the sediment with his fingers. He beckoned you to crouch next to him. Once you did, he swiped his fingers across your cheeks, leaving dark swatches of clay-like sediment to dry on your skin. Continuing the movements, he covers portions of your exposed skin and even swipes some over your clothing. Satisfied, he turned to do the same to his own skin and clothes until you both looked ready for war.

“Camouflage?” you inquired, finally understanding.

Frankie nodded. “Exactly. We’re gonna hunker down over there,” he pointed to a particular outcrop with a large indent in the soil on one side of it. “This will just help us blend in.” Before leading you over to the boulder, he swiped some more mud over both of your clothes for good measure, trying to dull the brightness of the fabric.

Clearing out some additional space beneath the boulder, Frankie guided you into the spot, sliding in next to you. Once in place, he covered you both with any foliage he could reach. “We need to stay quiet now, ok? Just hang out until we hear from the guys, or the other dudes get close.”

You nodded, tucking your head into the crook of Frankie’s neck. Breathing in the musky scent of him calmed your anxiety, anchoring you down from the overwhelming fear threatening to cloud your senses.

“I’ll keep you safe, hermosa. I swear. Te amo,” Frankie whispered against your hair, one muscular arm flung over you, drawing you in tighter to his body.

Time crawled, just like your skin at the thought of bugs crawling over you. You fought the urge to fidget, to scratch at the skin of your legs. The sun dipped in the skin, the light of day fading. At long last, the phone buzzed in Frankie’s pocket and he carefully, quietly extracted it. A text from Santi letting you know the guys arrived and were spreading out to search the forest for you. Frankie sent updated coordinates for your current location, and you silently prayed that they’d find you before the bad guys.

You counted to sixty in your head ten times before the first sound of nearby movement startled you. “Shhh,” Frankie purred in your ear, his right hand slowly, subtly moving toward his waistline to grasp the Glock. His left hand typed a quick, cryptic message to Santi, an answering buzz coming almost immediately.

“Fuck,” he hissed at the message as the sound of crunching leaves and cracking twigs grew closer, louder. It wasn’t Santi, Ben, or Will making the noise. He could only hope it was a large animal, but Frankie knew deep down that it wasn’t. “Hermosa, we’re gonna have to move.”

“Why?” you breathed, panic rising once again.

“That’s not our guys, making that racket,” Frankie whispered. “When I say go, you need to run. Go through the creek, get to the other side and follow the water as long as you can. I’ll catch up to you.”

“What? No! I’m not leaving you!” you whispered harshly, head shaking imperceptibly.

“Sshhh, you have to. Trust me, please? I love you. This is me making sure nothing happens to you.”

You wanted to argue, the words right there on the tip of your tongue, but Frankie’s beautiful, dark umber eyes pleaded with you to listen, to do what he said. There was an unexpected hint of fear in his eyes, something you never thought you’d see. It went against every fiber in your being, but you nodded. You would do what he said, run until you couldn’t anymore and just hope that he stayed right behind you.

Pressing a kiss to the top of your head, Frankie eased up, peeking over the outcrop in the direction the noises were coming from. Two men – ones he saw back at that cabin – scanned the woods, searching for the two of you. He ducked back down, helping you to a squat position.

“It’s now or never, hermosa. Remember what I said, through the creek to the other side and follow the water. Just be careful – it’s getting darker as the sun sets. I’ll be right behind you.”

“I love you, Frankie. Please don’t do anything stupid.” Part of you ached to stay with him, to face the danger head on together. But you knew you couldn’t.

“I love you. Go. Now!” He shot to his feet; pistol raised to cover you.

Heart pounding in your chest, so hard you felt it in your throat, you stumbled to your feet and ran. Your hiking boots splashed through the calf-deep water of the creek before you scrambled up the other bank. Gun shots pierced the air, and you swore a bullet whizzed past your head.

“Fuck!” you screamed, running full tilt through the trees, staying close to the stream but using the forest for cover. Deep voiced shouts echoed behind you, more gunfire. A stitch ached in your side, still you ran. You tripped over roots, falling to the ground as the sky grew darker. Still, you ran. Even your head bouncing off a rock following one particularly hard fall didn’t stop you from scrambling back to your feet. You ran and ran and ran.

Feet carried you as far as your lungs allowed before you fell again, gasping for breath, body tucked behind a large live oak, hoping against hope that the trunk hid you from view. Entire body trembling from the adrenaline, an eardrum piercing scream burst from your lips when a hand reached out from around the tree, grabbing your shoulder.

Fighting with the little strength left in your body, you kicked and clawed at the owner of the hand, struggling as hard as you could to get away. In the heat of the moment, you forgot every tactic Frankie taught you.

“Sshhhh, it’s okay, hermanita. It’s just me.” A voice you recognized broke through the panic and all the fight left your body at once. You sank against Santi’s strong body, forcing him to hold you upright. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“Santi,” you cried, tears flowing down your cheeks in relief. “Frankie… he needs—”

“The boys are backing him up, he’s okay. Come on, I gotta get you to safety or your boyfriend will shoot me himself.” Santiago guided you around and over some obstacles, leading you back to Frankie’s car.

By the time you got there, a park ranger and county sheriff’s deputy were waiting, along with an ambulance. You frantically searched the parking area for signs of Frankie or the Miller brothers, but there were none. You met Santi’s gaze with pleading eyes, begging him to find Frankie.

“Let the medics check you out, hermanita. I’ll figure out where the others are.” He handed you off to the medics, instructing them to treat you with care or face the consequences before he turned to speak with law enforcement.

The cut on your forehead reopened when you fell while running, the pain just hitting you now that you were truly safe, and the adrenaline drained away. The rest was a blur, getting treated by the medics, speaking with the park ranger and deputy. All of it a haze, until Frankie appeared from the trail, supported by Benny and Will.

“Why are you covered in blood?” you blurted once they brought Frankie close enough. Still covered in the natural camouflage from the stream, he looked a wreck. Frankie’s beloved ballcap gone, hair awry and threaded with leaves, abrasions marring his handsome face, blood soaking through the right side of his shirt. “Were you shot?”

Feeling like a marionette, you allowed Santi to guide you out of the way as the medics tended to Frankie. Your eyes never left his while the medics triaged his injuries before loading him into the back of the ambulance.

“Go with him, we’ll meet you there,” Santi urged, gently pushing you forward. He helped you climb up to sit next to Frankie’s stretcher, smiling encouragingly as he closed the doors.

Thirty-six hours later, you and the boys were on your way home. You spent much of that time at Frankie’s bedside, refusing to leave. DEA agents resorted to interviewing you and Frankie in his hospital room as you adamantly refused to meet them anywhere else.

Apparently, you and Frankie happened upon a well-established meth operation. The pot plants that drew you in were the least of what the agents found upon raiding the camp. Frankie and the boys subdued two of the drug traffickers before Frankie suffered a hit from a third man who snuck up on their six. The agents and sheriff’s department took care of the rest. With all that the authorities found, they doubted they’d need either of you to testify, but the agents told you they’d be in touch if necessary.

You doted on Frankie, holding him close in the backseat of his truck while Santi drove. Benny and Will following behind you in Will’s car. Fingers threaded through his hair in soothing strokes as he laid across the seat with his head in your lap. The wound still fresh, it hurt him too much to sit up for the five-hour drive home.

“You know what, chulo?” you asked quietly, bending forward to tilt your head over Frankie’s.

“Hmmm?” he gazed up at you, nearly purring in contentment as you scratched your nails against his scalp in slow, tender motions.

“I still have all those buds I nicked,” you grinned mischievously. “We’ll make edibles next weekend. How does that sound?”

Frankie stared up at you with those big cow eyes, a soft smile curling his lips. “I’m gonna marry you. Whenever you’re ready, Imma ask you to marry me. You’re the bravest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. I gotta make you my wife before someone else steals you away.”

Words a bit slurred from the pain medication flowing through his veins, you gazed at him with such love in your soul. “I love you so much, you stupid, brave man, but I think you’re letting the pain meds do the talking for you.”

“Hey now! I’m injured. I got shot making sure you got to safety, you can’t call me stupid.” He pouted like a child, looking impossibly adorable with his wild curls like a halo around his head. “And it’s not the pain meds talkin’. I’ve always wanted to marry you, right from the moment you smiled at me.”

Rolling your eyes affectionately, you shushed him. Your gaze met Santi’s in the rearview mirror, his face lit up with amusement at the two of you. Shifting your gaze back to Frankie’s, you flashed him that smile that first charmed him. “Ok, chulo. I want to marry you, too. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Hey, Pope! Mind stoppin’ by a jewelry store on the way home?” Frankie asked sleepily, eyes already slipping closed. “I gotta get my girl a ring.”

fin

[gossippool]

I've fallen hard for poolverine and I've read and loved your fic, do you have any fic recs you can share pretty please?

hi anon i do indeed!! i've been meaning to do a rec list eventually so thank u for asking. here are some fics out of the 14 i have bookmarked

twice upon an odyssey by lkst (E, 6k)

It would be tempting to say the propensity for physical violence in their relationship is gone, but nothing is created or destroyed, it would seem. While the urge to kill each other has faded it’s translated into tension between them hot and wet enough to grow orchids, and it’s taken the willpower of gods to keep them from fucking nasty about it. They're managing. The thing is, Wade doesn’t want to manage anymore. Wade drags Logan out on a little heist hoping to finally get him to make a move.

one of my favourites!! this is mostly smut but also some of the best characterisation of wade i've ever read and SO FUNNY. i giggled through the whole thing. sometimes humour in fics falls flat but not this time

deadpool/wolverine series by farmhandler (11k + 46k+)

i feel like recommending this series is a must tbh. only two fics in here so far and the second one is still updating but both are just. SO good. the first one is more wade-and-his-issues-centric and the second is more logan

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow by signifier (E, 10k)

The one where Wade gets stuck in a time loop, and he's determined to get Logan out of it alive.

time loop fics are so hard to execute well and this was just perfect. typical emotional toll of being stuck in a time loop is taken on wade so there's Angst

movin' out (deadpool's song) by jenniferlawrencelover (E, 36k)

Wade wasn't fond of change. Both in the life sense as well as the coin sense. So they might have to move houses? Okay. Sure, his tummy hurt a little more than usual when he thought too hard about it, but he could move past that. Would move past that. Eventually. Probably. Most likely not. Probably not at all. Wade didn't do change.

GODDDD i love this fic. it is so gorgeously written i think i have some parts screenshotted which is how you know it's good. brilliant exploration of both wade and logan

where soul meets body by edgebug (E, 34k)

In which something very interesting happens underneath the Time Ripper, and Wade and Logan deal with the aftermath.

no idea how to explain this but their minds kind of get intertwined??? ish?? and it's so fucking good the writing is just impeccable. angst and smut galore

guess by handfulofteeth (E, 16k)

Logan stops talking. He’s mid-chide, tossing his soiled paper towel onto the counter and about to reach for another one when his eyes land on Wade. He’s got his pajamas halfway down his thighs, clearly trying to avoid sticking his fingers all over the gooey fabric, and whatever, that on its own isn’t a big deal...What is a big deal, a huge, massive fucking deal, is what Wade’s wearing underneath his pajamas. Panties.

now this may seem like it's mostly smut and you would be right. but it is goddamn good smut (with a dash of angst) and just such an alluring read. their other fics are also just as good

[starchants]

hi! i don’t know if you write for angel (btvs) but could you maybe write dating angel hcs? sfw & nsfw?

XOXO, CHESHIRE — hi my lil crow <3! i do most certainly write for angel, i hope you enjoy <3! p.s. i’ve studied and have so many headcanons in my own mind about angel (and angelus) from over the years and some get displayed here but i can explain more in another post if you or anyone else wants !!

WRITING WARNINGS: potentially a warning for stalking but like in the way that we see he does with buffy like idunno if that qualifies as stalking but i’m mentioning it, technically i refer to angelus (my bby) as well, some violence but like it’s protective angel and oh yeah a small bit of NSFW CONTENT.

oh the moment he saw you, he was hooked and angelus who was so far hidden back in his mind had let his obsessive qualities come full force into angel.

everywhere at night since then, if he ever caught your scent or saw you, he would ✨ politely ✨ follow you around to make sure you felt and were safe. god help anyone who made you not feel safe at all, excluding him.

this man, even without fully having met you as of yet, would physically harm or potentially “accidentally” kill someone if they dare touch you even with a slight bumping into you or make you even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

realistically as i’ve noticed in btvs and angel the series + my own personal headcanon, angelus isn’t a 100% gone like they tend to try and portray in both series. sure like angel has his soul most of the time but that anger? how he moves or snaps when he loses his mind? how he seems to not entirely be himself when he loses control? that’s all angelus in my opinion. i personally headcanon had angel knows that angelus is always lurking in the back of his head, which is why he’s always in there, and angel is afraid of him coming out but as we’ve seen in both series that he basks in people referring to him as angelus sometimes and gets cocky about it.

so we move on with the knowledge that angelus is a sneaky bastard hiding in angel’s mind and sometimes pulling the strings 🫡

the obsession that angel has with you is completely different than his obsession with drusilla. he wouldn’t want to make you crazy or do anything to harm you. in fact, it’s the opposite, he wants to keep you safe from everybody and everything but also let you shine like the prettiest diamond in the dirty rough world that you’ve found yourself in.

the moment that he officially meets you and gets to see your pretty eyes staring into his own, the pretty smile upon your face, and your sweet voice talking to him ; he feels like this is perfectly meant to be. that you were meant for him and him only. he gets even more possessive and cocky about you from this moment forward. i’m referring to him being cocky as in, when buffy chose angel over riley and he smugly made that face at riley as he followed buffy like a puppy out of the room.

speaking of like a puppy, he tends to act that way with you! he’s your sweet good old boy who has playful tendencies and some anger problems but he does good if you try to teach him how to behave. after all, when he was alive as liam, he wasn’t exactly the nicest person to anybody let alone any partner. but he’s learned over the years, both with his soul and without it as angelus, that he has to be better when attempting to care. you are the only one who gets to teach him and show him how to be a good lover as you notice he’s trying, not to mention he will open up and explain how he was prior to you with his past relationships.

you like gifts? he’ll be very good at gifting you random things that he finds and knows you like or that you may potentially like based on what he knows about you. considering he listens and hangs on to every word that you say even if it’s a joke. if you like written love letters? oh my goodness this man has got you. he can say some of the most romantic things to you in his letters plus it’s more “old school” and easy for him to do. you’ll get some heavy devotion confessed in those letters so you better keep them in that pretty little wooden box that he buys you once he realized you left those letters by your bed <3

he’s a very gentle lover to you and not super controlling over you but he does know how to manipulate you / persuade you if he desperately needs to but you can usually tell and i feel like you’d call him angelus when he tries to do that. both himself and angelus are at your beck and call, even if neither one of them could admit it. now i can ramble on about soft angel and soft angelus some more but i feel like we should briefly get into some of the other good nsfw stuff 😈

angel is always in control no matter how hard you try to be in control. he is so used to being in control whenever he was angelus that he grasps at being in control over you whenever you have sexual relations, outside of that basically you are in control.

i feel like angel is a very gentle lover and of course definitely is experienced which can lead into him being a lot to take in / wrap your head around as he can be overwhelming with how much devotion and love he gives you. he pays nearly so much attention to you, it may freak you out with how sensitive he is when it comes to your micro expressions and movements. his goal is to ensure that you experience everything in the most euphoric sense.

angelus is a good boy once you break him down enough, and as i previously stated, happens to always be in control and if you take your time along with playing his games you will be rewarded overtime with him being your good boy to treasure. angelus wants you to perceive his role in life and break him down, play games with him, leave him sounding like a depraved lunatic man for you.

the pair of them love you so much and would do anything for you, especially in bed, just let them love you how they see fit damnit!

[stargirlfics]

The Gentleman Chapter Six: Tremble

Alfred Pennyworth x Black Dancer!Reader

Summary: Scarecrow threatens to bring Gotham to its knees while you and those you love find yourself caught in the middle

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, canon typical violence, mentions of chemical weapons, anxiety and hallucinations, mild angst and hurt/comfort, competency kink, alfred being a soft dom, smut: soft spanking tw, body worship, oral (reader receiving)

Word Count: 12.0k

This chapter is finally here and I actually cannot believe the journey it has been from when I started working on this, having months of difficulty writing and then I just write this massive chapter! I’m really happy to be sharing it and I hope it’s well worth the wait. I really appreciate and cherish all your comments and love and patience especially on this series, it means so much 🤎

[series masterlist] [series playlist]

At the mercy of impending catastrophe, an entire city was holding its breath in sick anticipation.

News of Scarecrow and his fear toxin was everywhere one went, anxiety climbing with every hushed discussion and passing day without answers.

His motives were still unclear and everyone was trying to decipher the severity of the message he had left: This is Gotham’s only warning. Fear the Scarecrow.

What was to come next? And would you be ready?

Trust in Gotham’s institutions was few and far between for most, though you did feel a little more hopeful with Mayor Bella Reál’s steady presence in public lately—even still, people were bracing themselves. 

For you that meant dance rehearsals were still being held so stage time was abundant, the exotic performances and the allure of the Iceberg Lounge were quickly becoming a good means of escape for many in the city. 

You wanted to dazzle the audience, satisfied when you could suspend their belief that this was just a dance and convince them nymphs and sirens were real and alive in front of them instead. 

It was easy to throw yourself into the work if you thought about it; counting steps and turns while the band played their hearts out.

There was no other competition, the shimmer and sparkle of the costumes, the lingerie underneath even more dazzling, opal pearls and diamonds adorning your lush bodies caught every single eye.  

Five, six, seven…a spotlight shines down upon you, such a pretty beacon of desire, of the passion flowering so strongly in your own heart until there’s nothing but you and the music.

You left nothing on that stage at the end of the night. 

Especially not when Alfred was in the crowd watching you with an ever growing adoration. 

He made the effort to catch a show when he could, waiting with roses for you afterwards and no compliment or praise spared from your ears if he could help it. 

It was amazing how much things could shift, how nervous you had been the first time you knew he would be watching and now you welcomed it, relished in his promise to show up for you simply because he thought your talent and love for your artform was worth it, that you were worth it. 

And of course how could you forget his handwritten letter with such neat and elegantly written words, the very letter that sat on your nightstand since your date in the bookstore when he presented it to you and made it all official. 

You read over it in the late night hours and in the morning when you woke up wishing he was next to you, until you could recite every word he had written by heart. Weeks ago you would have felt anxious about entering a relationship, not wanting to go through heartbreak if your feelings weren’t the same but now you understood Alfred would never let you stand on unsteady ground. 

He hadn’t since the first moment your paths collided, the memory of it still so vivid you could practically hear the echo of your pounding footsteps on the concrete hurrying to reach him, taking a chance on a stranger and embracing him out of fear only to come away from it with your pulse racing for an entirely different reason instead. 

Something solid and gentle had formed here and you wanted to be cocooned inside of it forever. 

Your friends definitely didn’t hide their excitement that you were “basically dating a member of the Wayne family!” as Roxie had put it. 

She was the first to tell you she wouldn’t mind at all if you slipped Bruce her number. Bambi was already ride or die for the relationship, as was Amber and then Kiera’s encouragement of all things romance on top of it all certainly made this a fanclub if you’d ever seen one. 

Truthfully though their reassurances kept you from letting the tendency to overthink get in the way, making sure you knew that the way Alfred treated you was everything you deserved. 

Grateful felt like too simple a word but it’s perhaps the best word to summarize the way you felt about each of them. Elated in how they celebrated this with you, a sing-song chorus of excitement when you told them about his letter in the chat or how everything went after he spent the night at your place for the first time. 

It kept you hopeful, appreciating everything you had just a little extra.

Fresh snow dusted the windowsills of The Magpie where you were counting down the time until you’d have your evening free to spend with Alfred. 

You would see him in just a few short minutes anyways, with Bruce in tow for a meeting with the mayor and her team but knowing you’d still have some time before you truly got him to yourself left you feeling a little antsy. 

The bar had already been wiped down twice and you just checked on the handful of people sitting around for brunch, most of them talking and finishing off their drinks for the time being. 

So you settled on people-watching, polishing the crystal whiskey glasses while you did, arranging them in a stacked pyramid and you were almost done with the menial task when Bruce Wayne sidled up to the bar.

“Oh, hey! Can I get you anything, Mr. Wayne?” you greeted him with a smile, doing your best not to make it obvious you were also looking to see if Alfred was nearby.

“Please just call me Bruce, you don’t have to keep it so formal, really I insist. And just coffee if you can.” 

“Sorry, habit. I can get you some coffee, any sugar or cream?” you were laughing to yourself a little, forgetting that you didn’t have to address him so properly every time. 

You still did that with Alfred sometimes, a ‘Mr. Pennyworth’ at the tip of your tongue on occasion which always came with a playful scolding. 

“No thanks, I’ll take it as is,” Bruce corrected, thanking you again when you set the steaming mug down in front of him. “Oh, before I forget. He may have told you this already but when time allows it Alfred likes to try and get Dory and I together for a proper Sunday dinner and if you’re able to this coming weekend, I wanted to try and surprise him.”

Oh, how thoughtful! Quickly realizing he was inviting you to join them in this tradition of theirs made your heart swell and you hastened to accept. 

“That sounds so nice! Of course I can be there. Should I bring anything, dessert maybe?” 

“Yes, that would be perfect actually. It’ll be nice to have you there..uh, I know we haven’t had much time to speak but thank you, it’s good to see him happy lately and that’s because of you.” 

Bruce’s usual shy, reserved tone was more open, a little softer and you felt relief knowing that you had his approval in a way, maybe not wanting to admit to yourself that it had been a quiet worry all this time. 

His and Alfred’s relationship was on better working ground now and you didn’t want to complicate that or make it any more difficult for them to connect in the way they needed and it was very clear from the start that they did need each other and cared for one another fiercely. 

This was good, really good. 

“I’m glad and that’s okay by the way there’s been a lot going on you’re probably just as busy as he is, if not more, I figured we’d get to talk at some point. I really do just want to make him happy and I hope you know he is because of you too, he’s so proud of you.”

Your last few words saw the very rare edge of a smile before he took a sip from the mug, face turning stoic again.

Speaking of Alfred, he walked in the very next moment, as effortlessly handsome as usual. His suit was a crisp charcoal gray, a black tie tucked perfectly into that pristine waistcoat you knew felt smooth under your hands, the familiar gold accents of his wristwatch and cane pulling it all together. 

He always looked incredible but god did he have you weak from halfway across the room today, those kind, blue eyes finding you with ease. 

Waving him over to the bar, you started making his usual cup of Earl Grey, sharing a sheepish smile when you greeted each other. 

“Good to see you, darling. I hope you’ve had an easy morning.” The depth and lull of his voice and that accent sent warmth spreading across your cheeks, distracted from hearing the affection in his tone. 

“I have, thank you,” setting his cup of tea down on the bar counter, you leave the milk out for him to pour how he likes, “Hope the meeting goes well, you’re gonna kill it!”

“That’s very nice of you. I imagine it will, what we’re proposing will benefit the city and they seem receptive to Bruce’s ideas, which is all we can ask for.” 

Beaming at him you nodded encouragingly, giving yourself a few more moments to talk with the two men before the mayor arrived and they were whisked off to a more private table. 

Kiera came in not long after that, you were really just working the morning to fill in for her until she could get here but your plans to leave with Alfred right after his meeting lined up with the timing anyways.

An hour passed ever so slowly, the meeting finally finishing with what looked like good spirits from everyone and before long you were saying your goodbye’s to Bruce since he had to head out while Alfred lagged behind to take a phone call from his office. 

Bundled up in your coat, you waited by the hostess stand content to watch the snow flurries begin to fall outside, such a stark contrast to the warm, crimson interior. 

Not sure how long you were lost admiring the view, a warm hand slides across your lower back drawing your attention in a gentle caress you’re sure you’d know anywhere.

“Ready to leave?” Alfred held his hand out for you and kissed your knuckles when you fit your palm against his.

The eager nod of your head and the accompanying excited giggle gave you away but you didn’t care to hide how much you’d been looking forward to this evening with him. 

“Ready.” 

Outside the air was chilly, coats zipped up a little higher while you discussed what the plans were for the rest of the day. 

It was still fairly quiet out on the streets, the business sector in this part of the city always a bit more empty than the bustling traffic of downtown that you were used to, at least before dinner rush anyway. 

Nothing out of the ordinary piqued your attention until Alfred was pausing mid-sentence, asking if you heard what he had heard.

“No, what-” but no sooner than you had opened your mouth, the faintest recognition of what sounded like a scream could be heard. You flicked your eyes up to him in concern. 

Had it really been a scream? Or was the frigid wind playing tricks on you, whistling through the air?

The same sound rang out again somewhere in the distance, only this time you both were able to hear a distinct shout of “HELP!” following it. 

The mood had suddenly turned urgent but it was as if you could only move in slow motion until you realized that at this very moment, the other shoe had indeed dropped. 

Chaos was the only way to describe it, more shouts piercing the air but nothing prepared you for the wave of people running out into the street in every direction. 

You can’t be sure exactly what’s going on or what everyone was running from but the gears were already spinning in your mind and you don’t hesitate to move when Alfred hurriedly nudged you to follow him, clutching onto his jacket as he guided you to cross the street where his car was parked around the corner. 

But you wouldn’t make it more than a few steps off the curb.

The flow of the crowd was too dense, too panicked and you were jostled as you tried to keep your feet steady on slick, snowy pavement.

A gasp was knocked loose from your throat when someone shoved past you, upsetting your balance in the process, the impact forcing you to let go of Alfred’s hand.

Fingers flailed but it was no use, you couldn’t move fast enough and soon more people pushed themselves between you on all sides which meant he couldn’t reach you either. You were quickly losing sight of him, legs feeling like lead as you tried to follow the sound of his voice shouting your name but there’s too much noise to filter out. 

No, no! Where is he? I can’t see him anymore.

Your heart sank realizing you’d lost him in the crowd, even as frantically as you were searching for him there were so many people dashing past as you also tried to keep moving that you knew it would be impossible to find him like this. 

You were separated and on your own. 

Now it felt like your sense of direction was off, not sure if you were still headed in the right direction towards his car anymore, the whole world feeling like it was swallowing you up.

Deep breaths, just take a deep breath. Keep moving. 

You had to repeat it to yourself in order to stay calm, trying to reassure yourself that somehow you could make it out of whatever this was but a pang of worry for Alfred made you feel nauseous. 

Unwelcome thoughts of something happening to him threatened to take root amidst your struggle to think. Hands moving on their own volition, you reached into your bag to fumble for your phone; maybe you could could get a hold of him by calling, sending a text, could find where he was and try and make your way to him in the event you ended up making it to the car and he wasn’t there.  

Seconds later, up ahead of you, a truck swerved to avoid a group of people rushing into the intersection which sent everyone scrambling to move aside, inadvertently knocking you off balance again. 

Stinging pain prickled in the meat of your shins, rattling all the way up to your temple when you collided with the cold concrete, eyes going wide knowing it wasn’t safe to be on the ground like this. 

But it didn’t matter because had you not been knocked to the ground you weren’t sure you would have noticed it: the shiny silver canister nestled in a pile of snow not six feet away. 

Something didn’t feel right about this. It felt like you were being herded to this point.

Under the noise of so many footsteps and all the commotion you heard it click, a slow whistling hiss coming after. The sound grew louder but you were already scrambling backwards trying to put distance between you and the cloudy plume of gas extinguishing from the cylinder. 

This had to be the fear toxin, this had to be him. 

Fresh screams dotted the blood rushing to your brain through your ears, dread forming a hard lump in your throat as you watched the gas diffuse again and mix with the falling snow. 

Loosening your scarf you folded it over your nose and mouth hoping it would buy you some time if you weren’t breathing as much of it in, you couldn’t be sure you hadn’t already. 

Your heart was hammering in your ribs when you finally found your footing and could stand, ignoring the strain in your muscles or how your skin felt raw from where your tights had snagged and torn from crawling on the pavement. 

Now that you were on your feet again your surroundings were more familiar.

It’s how you spotted the mouth of an alleyway to your right, knowing exactly where it would lead, recognizing the rust red fire escape peeking out from the side of the building. You hadn’t realized you traveled back this far but you’d take it, at least you’d be off the street this way. 

The disadvantage of this was that you were working against the flow of bodies but you tried to keep your stance wide and square out your shoulders so you couldn’t be pushed quite as easily, and there was something else…a noticeable difference in how people were acting. 

It wasn’t just panic in their eyes, pupils glazed over and blown wide, this was an erratic look of fright. This toxin was confirmed to cause hallucinations which could only mean there had to be dozen’s on this street alone who’d come in contact with it. 

You could only imagine what awful things they were seeing, your voice ricocheting against the clamor of sounds trying to warn whoever you could. 

Just then, the quickest flash of gold appears in your peripheral and you hear your name again turning in time to see him, Alfred, shouldering his way through the crowd. 

You stared in awe, questioning for a split second if you were starting to see things too but he was really there fighting and pushing his way through the packed street to get to you.

The small relief when he reached you, both of his arms locking around you this time before ushering you the rest of the way. Slipping into the alleyway was easy after that. 

“Are you hurt? Darling, look at me please! Are you hurt?” His voice is chalked with concern, a clipped edge to his tone that echoed against the brick wall you had slumped against to catch your breath. 

He’s already looking you up and down in careful assessment. 

“I’m fine! I’m okay..I think, but wait, Alfred! This was intentional, the gas it-” the words come tumbling out but you fall short at the nod he gave you. Of course he had pieced it together. You’re gulping before noticing his cane is missing. “What about you? I was so worried when we-” the words died in your throat for a second time remembering how you got separated in the crowd. 

You didn’t trust yourself not to cry. 

“Me too, sweet girl but I am alright. I was far more worried about you.” and it’s the tenderness in his voice that makes you sniffle. 

Screaming cuts through the brief moment of rest and you both agree you need to get out of here, deciding to stay off the main streets. If you could cut through a few alleyways you’d be able to get to his car.

His hand is once again steady in yours, thumb passing over your skin trying to soothe you while your own fingers return pressure here and there, beyond relieved to be next to him again even with a million more worries arising. 

The damage had already been done though, time beginning to move slowly, buildings looming high above feeling suffocating, as if maybe you’d never find your way out, every muffled cry or scream from the streets a terrible chorus. 

A loud squeal and the creaking of metal a few feet ahead halted your steps again, Alfred’s arm thrown back to push you behind him. 

Four men filed out of a side door, the hoods of their jackets pulled up so they were shrouded in shadows, both of you just barely avoiding being seen. 

Alfred had hastened to backtrack and slip behind an empty delivery truck in the alley that provided some cover without close inspection but was still too close for any sort of comfort. 

Everything in you went quiet and still, clammy fingers gripping Alfred’s bicep a little tighter, grateful you were wedged between the side of the truck and his body. You don’t want to look their way again but your anxiety rises at the thought of not knowing how far away they were so you risk a peek over his shoulder. 

Your blood goes cold almost instantly, breath sucked from your lungs when a fifth man stepped forth. 

Dead eyes pierced through a ripped burlap hood covering the man’s head, its crooked stitching reminding you of an old scarecrow only the rest of him was clad in a suit. All you felt was dread. 

“Keep your eyes peeled.” a distorted command came from behind the decrepit hood.

There was something terrifying about the way this man moved, it was creepy and sinister, your suspicions confirmed when you spotted more of those silver canisters peeking out from his suit jacket just before he was slinking away, moving out onto the street ahead flanked by those four men, each with a weapon in hand. 

Tentative relief came seeing the distance increase between your position and theirs but you weren’t out of the woods yet by any means with one more street to go.

Counting shallow breaths one by one, you waited until the crunch of their footsteps on the snow faded enough to move ahead safely. 

Alfred squeezed your fingers to get your attention, motioning for you to follow him from out behind the truck carefully. It was best not to stay idle here too long.

In the midst of trying to process what just occurred you didn’t notice Alfred pull out a small blade until you saw it clenched in his left hand, noting the way he kept it tucked in towards his palm so that outwardly no one could see it was there. 

His other hand gripped your arm, keeping you from being able to move from behind his back as you crept forward together, a defensiveness in his movements that made it seem like this was just muscle memory for him. 

Here he was, protecting you, keeping you calm this whole time and though it wasn’t surprising anymore you were still a little struck by just how much he cared for you, your wellbeing. It bled through into every part of him and that had your heart clenching. 

When you finally made it out of the alley fresh worry spiked like ice inside your chest, attention drawn to every direction trying to make sure nothing would catch either of you off guard now that you were no longer under the cover of the city’s alleyways but at last, after what felt like an eternity, you had arrived. 

Unlocking the car and seeing to it that you were safely tucked inside, Alfred was skillfully weaving the sleek vehicle through the streets in no time.  

—

Everything felt like it was turned upside down.

Sirens and police cars whizzed past, headed in the direction you’d just left behind and you could only watch as the weather turned dreary.

Alfred checked in every so often, comforting you with reassuring glances, a soft squeeze to your knee which you returned with a weak smile. You were sure he had noticed you shivering as well and felt appreciative of the warm air circulating through the vents. 

Remembering your phone after a moment you fished it out of your bag, replying to a string of texts from Kiera who was worried sick and thankfully still safe inside where you last saw her. 

Scrolling through the rest of your messages and missed phone calls that kept pinging in your notifications you let each of them know you were safe until it hit you that something was missing, a sudden gasp catching Alfred’s attention.  

“Do-do you think Bruce is okay? He left a few minutes before us. Maybe he managed to miss all that.”

“I’m sure he made it through, but he’s not been answering his phone. We’ll be at the Tower soon and we can check.” 

It sounds hopeful but the crease of worry between his brows makes you wonder. 

Trying to cling to the more hopeful outcome, you attempt to keep bad thoughts at bay with the idea that you’d see that swath of dark hair emerging from the staircase as soon as you step into the foyer. He just had to be there. 

The rest of the drive was fairly quiet but the noise in your head made up for it. 

You couldn’t stop thinking about what you’d seen—Scarecrow. How close you’d gotten to the fear toxin but so luckily managed to avoid it, a sick feeling in your stomach seeing what it did to the people around you. 

Whatever his big plans were for the people of Gotham, you were sure they were horrifying. 

Anxiety drips from your shoulders when the car finally comes to a stop, limbs heavy again as you soar up to the penthouse floors from the parking garage elevator and it’s only when the low hum of the lift stops that you let go of Alfred’s hand, the doors opening to a suspended silence. 

It only took a few minutes and a quick search to see that it was evident Bruce wasn’t here. 

Your stomach was twisted into knots again waiting patiently while Alfred tried his cell phone one more time. Each trilling of the dial tone felt longer than the last and your heart sank once it went to voicemail. 

“If he has his location on, I’m sure I’ll be able to find him.” He takes a deep breath, pacing the floor trying to think, to come up with answers. 

Wringing your hands wasn’t doing much to ease the tension in your body so you forced yourself to lean against the solid wood table of the main room. 

Touching something solid seemed to help and you wanted to be helpful to Alfred right now, at the very least supportive in the effort to find Bruce, hoping anxiety wouldn’t take over everything.

Mentally you were running through a list of possible places near the incident that he could be, fingers flying to your phone to search news updates, find out if Bruce’s name had been mentioned anywhere. 

“Christ, I’ve found him! His phone is at the GCPD building. He can’t have been there for very long yet.” 

“Okay, that’s good. He’s probably okay then if he’s there of all places, right?” your question is tinged with a cautious optimism as is Alfred’s responding agreement but you still feel unsure. 

“I’m going to head there regardless, surely he’s fine but I don’t want to take any chances. I wish he would answer his bloody phone, though.”

He sounded like such a dad in that moment you might have laughed if the circumstances were different. 

“Maybe he’s there with the mayor too, they walked out together before us, it was probably the first place he would think to go especially if they saw something related to what we saw.” you offer a little reassurance and reach out to squeeze his shoulder. 

“Smart girl. I’m sure you are right.” Alfred sighed and closed his eyes for a brief moment.

Fngers pinching the bridge of his nose before he slips his glasses from his breast pocket and puts them on, focused in on what needed to be done once again, typing out a few messages to Bruce in the meantime. 

“I can come with you, just in case he’s in trouble or, or.” you don’t want to go any further with possibilities and you aren’t sure how to articulate your uneasiness at him going back out there on his own even if he could handle himself. 

It upset you to think you wouldn’t be there, wouldn’t know if something else were to happen. 

“Oh my love, I appreciate that. You’ve been so brave through all this and I do want you with me but more importantly I need you safe and staying here will ensure that. I don’t want you in harm's way.” he’s setting down his phone to cup your cheeks, moving in close so his nose brushes yours gently. 

You want to protest but understand that he’s right, the lump in your throat returning as you look at him. 

He was being strong, for you, keeping it together just to make sure you weren’t any more frightened than you needed to be but you could see the stress in his features and knew you needed to be strong for him too. 

“I don’t like it but I understand,” you relented with a whisper, leaning into him a little more, unconsciously trying to hold on. “I’ll stay here but just please be careful okay?” 

Alfred moved back a bit so you’d look him in the eyes, a determination in them that takes away some unsettled nerves. 

“I promise I will be. I’ll keep in touch as well, as soon as I find out anything you’ll get a call.” His soft murmur came in between the gentle press of his lips against your forehead. 

His kisses were effective in calming you even if it didn’t help the reluctance to part from him, you know he has to go and don’t want to delay him any longer. 

A new wave of emotion crests at the way he fusses over you before departing; making sure you were okay to be here alone for a bit, reminding you to eat something soon and that there was a change of clothes still in his room if you wanted to shower and take off your torn tights and snow dampened sweater. 

The anxious shake of your hands was better even as you kissed him goodbye, returning his thoughtfulness by making sure he had a pair of gloves and another cane from his collection in hand before hurrying off, your feet lingering for a moment longer after the elevator doors close behind him. 

Now…the waiting began.  

—

Barely twenty minutes have gone by but you’re restless and there’s a sharp tension in your shoulders all the way down to your hamstrings that won’t ease up even when you try to relax. 

Wayne Tower was quiet and far too empty, the methodic tick of the old grandfather clock in the foyer and your footsteps all the sound she’d bestow.

Sitting still has proved to be impossible so you wander the halls, count the steps each staircase you go up, try to roll out the stiffness in your neck little by little. 

It’s only afternoon but the skies are gray and dark, some heavy kind of shadow cast over every corner that could be touched and there wasn’t a single thing you could do about it but have patience. 

News updates are slow meaning no one knows anything concrete yet, just that nearby hospitals were starting to get an influx of people affected by the fear toxin and police were all over the scene of the incident and surrounding areas. You’re just glad it seemed to be isolated to the few blocks you had navigated around earlier, nothing else occurring elsewhere in the city. 

That certainly didn’t mean these incidents weren’t going to spread, you were fully prepared to hear of more fear toxin attacks in the near future with so much mystery still surrounding Scarecrow.

This whole thing felt deeper than what you could see at the surface but all you could come up with were questions and more questions. 

But there’s no use in giving yourself a headache, not now at least, your phone ringing abruptly and Alfred’s name illuminating the screen. You’re answering before the second ring, taking a deep breath the moment he tells you everything is alright. 

Bruce was indeed at GCPD headquarters when Alfred got there and the pair were in the process of giving statements about what they saw related to the attack so it was looking like they were going to be there for a while yet. 

You don’t get to speak to Alfred for long before you hear him being summoned and you’re wrapping things up, wishing him well before he leaves you with a promise that he’ll update you as things go. 

Your body felt much lighter now that you knew they were safe, the tightness in your chest dissipating as you finally allowed yourself to unwind a little.

Stomach still too tense to try and eat anything yet, you opt to take a shower instead, the change of clothes and the hot steam of the water would do you good. 

Finding the familiar path to Alfred’s bedroom was easy, his space inviting, kept as tidy as ever but you still see all of him in it. 

The faded bookmark sticking out of the novel on his bedside table, his nighttime reading glasses that lay folded on a stack of books to the left, and the tie and cufflinks atop his dresser still there from when he was getting ready this morning you imagined.

You’re comforted knowing you’re surrounded by his things and you’re further softened seeing your clothing items amongst his from when you stayed the night for the first time, everything neatly folded in the way you’ve learned he liked to fold. 

Thoughts of him lingered as you retreated into the warmth of the shower, adrenaline slowly leached from your body, swirling down the drain with the soapy water. 

You didn’t realize how exhausted you were from the last hour and a half until your eyes started to feel heavy but you don’t want to get out just yet. 

It feels safe here and you’re already too far gone indulging in daydreams of your boyfriend, the thrill of being able to call him that now—the same one who practically bouldered his way through a crowd of people to reach you. 

In the moment there hadn’t been time to really think about it but now that you were alone with your thoughts, it’s all you could replay. 

Or maybe it’s all you wanted to think about but either way you wanted to drown in whatever strength and steadfast skill Alfred possessed, heart fluttering thinking of how every movement was intentional, the way his entire body pivoted to shield you, keep you safe as you moved through the streets, the switchblade he so effortlessly and quietly had ready and the expert flourish of his wrist when he pocketed it in the car. 

Yes you knew he had been a soldier, had seen combat and was skilled in more areas than you could count, you could only imagine all the technical and psychological training he had from his days as an intelligence agent and though you took those parts of him seriously, you also couldn’t help but find it all deeply attractive. 

Where words could not be applied, he showed you. 

Refreshed and in more comfortable clothes, your mind felt a little clearer even if having to wait was still difficult but you try and be patient for another update, checking in with your friends in the meantime.

Alfred’s bedroom was warm from the steam still escaping from the connecting bathroom and you felt far too cozy here to venture back downstairs so you climb into the large bed and curl up on his side, comforted by the fact that his pillows smell like him. 

No longer restless from the quiet aura in the air, fatigue rolled in, the energy to worry had faded quickly. Instead you began to drift off, the allure of resting pulling you under so easily. 

Your phone is still clutched in your hand as you oscillate between worlds, thinking of Alfred and that “oh my love” that had left his lips so tenderly, understanding now why your breath caught in your chest after, why you’d been persuaded to listen. 

He refused to let you dismiss your own wellbeing when thinking of others, your importance to him was too great to let you follow him into the unknown even if he’d feel much better having you by his side.

Nothing was going to happen to you if he had anything to do about it. 

You hadn’t ever been shown this much adoration before and so fiercely and consistently at that and you slip into a light slumber thinking that this must be what falling in love felt like. To know perhaps, somewhere etched deep within you that it was exactly that. Love. 

An unending flame, a sewn red string, so viscerally real it had you swearing to nurture it always. Even in sleep you know you’d never dream of stopping.

—

Winter sun had just begun to set when you were woken up by the sharp buzzing of your phone. A text message. 

On the way back now, Bruce is with me. Hope you’re doing alright, I’ll see you soon, lovely   x Alfred

Smiling at the good news you rub the grogginess from your eyes and reply back before tucking your face back into the pillow for a few more minutes. 

Your nap had lasted an hour or so and afternoon was quickly spilling into evening as you blink the last remnants of sleep away and check the time. Anticipation and the rumbling in your tummy finally get you up. 

Taking a few moments to fix where your curls had flattened to your head from laying on your side, you fluffed out the small coils until it looked the way you wanted, padding down the old staircases and into the kitchen soon after. 

You wanted to try and make something quick to eat for when they got back, you were sure if you were hungry they must be too especially after everything that had happened, all the extra energy spent. 

A quick browse through the fridge and pantry had you grabbing ingredients for sandwiches, absentmindedly putting everything together and you’d just stacked the last one on the plate when you heard the elevator chime and you didn't bother to put anything away, rushing out to the foyer right away.

You don’t care that you’re running, feet carrying you forward with their own motivation, you’ve waited long enough and it’s a complete and total relief when Alfred and Bruce step inside.

Alfred saw you first, a grunt that turns into a chuckle resounding through his chest when you all but crash into him, arms wrapped around his shoulders in a hug that he returns immediately, his own arms sliding across your torso to pull you in close. 

Not a second more apart, that is all you wished out of the rest of this day. 

“I’m so happy you guys are back. What’s going on out there?” you compose yourself after a moment.  

“Half the city is shut down right now, people are scared and staying inside judging by how empty the streets are.” Bruce runs a hand through his hair while he explains.

You almost don’t notice that his fingers are smudged in some sort of dark ink or paint, the color reminding you of motor oil, thoughts racing as to what could have happened, what he might have seen. 

“Are you guys doing okay?” you’re asking quietly as you all walk into the main room, hoping you hadn’t pressed too much too soon, just worried by what their faces won’t yield. 

Alfred shrugs off his coat and rubs your shoulders to comfort you. 

“We’re both alright, darling, don’t worry.” He's reassuring you, steady and measured voice calming you enough to where you begin to let yourself focus on how delighted you are to see them. 

Bruce is the first to head to the kitchen when you mention you made sandwiches if anyone was hungry, his thanks echoing down the hall. 

You take a moment then to greet Alfred properly, kissing him soundly, spine tingling when he returned the kiss with a sweet pressure that gave away how much he missed you.

“I’m so sorry it’s been hours, their investigation is a big operation and nearly everyone needed to speak to us. Are you doing alright? I’ve been thinking of you all afternoon." He's looking over your frame again, almost like he can’t help but check for himself one more time

“I’m okay, I promise! Actually doing a lot better now that you’re here. It was hard not to be a nervous wreck for a second there but I took a shower and ended up sleeping for an hour and that really helped.” you’re sighing contently against his shoulder. 

“That’s my girl. I am so proud of you for how you’ve handled all this today, I really am. That’s great!”  

His words were so full of praise and affection it flusters your thoughts and you’re glad he can’t fully see your face lest he notice how much you’re affected, how much that just made you want him, but you reasoned it wasn’t the right time for romantic feelings and desires to take hold yet.

Not when there were still so many questions and things to be talked about, so you stow away those thoughts for the moment, already sure the tension would be palpable when you were able to be alone. 

Maybe it would only be a little longer left till then. 

Eventually the two of you joined Bruce in the kitchen, everyone feeling a little more settled after eating, able to process and debrief about what madness you’d found yourselves in today. 

Surreal didn’t even begin to describe how it felt but it’s all you could manage to say, not quite sure how you were able to make it out of the chaos in the streets unscathed save for a few bruises, it all felt like a bad dream come to life and everyone feared that the worst was still yet to come, that sick feeling in your gut returning with the thought that they were probably right. 

Dusky colors peeked over the horizon as the three of you tuned into the five o’clock evening news hour, wary faces glued to the TV as the first solid pictures of Scarecrow flashed across the screen. Your knees bounced nervously where you were sitting on an old loveseat, the reminder of his hooded face making you shiver. 

An eerie cell phone video showed him moving down a street with his henchmen, people screaming and writhing on the ground from the toxin. 

It seemed like he enjoyed what he had caused, a maniacal glint to his eyes, in the way he moved his face under that hood you swore had to be fused to his skin by the way it looked on him. You had to look away after the third loop of the video, an attempt to keep any nightmares about him later at bay. 

Some information was given about the initial incident that sent everyone running; the toxin had been released inside the vents at the City Hall building near The Magpie, gas canisters later found in the ducts like the ones you’d seen in the commotion, lying in the snow so coincidentally. 

Having confirmation that it had been planned like you thought only produced more confusion with the sudden wish to have been very wrong about what was going on. 

Premeditation like this could only mean this man was cunning and careful, that he’d only been caught on video and surveillance footage because he intended to be seen and that terrified you to realize. 

When you dared to peek at the TV again you immediately had to do a double take, up close photos of the men flanking Scarecrow in the video popping up, showing you what the men you saw in the alley really looked like out of the shadows. 

You wanted to throw up. You knew for sure that you recognized one of them. 

The same man who had been following you when you ran into Alfred that morning you met completely by chance.

It couldn’t be, you didn’t want it to be, as if you could kid yourself into believing you’d forgotten his face no matter how hard you had tried since that day, but it was him and a shudder rolled down your spine at how much of an awful turn this was. 

Your small gasp of surprise caught Bruce’s attention and you noticed his careful gaze shift from the screen to your face in a question, figuring out what you’re stuck on trying to explain before you can get any words out. 

“You know one of them?” there’s something in Bruce’s tone you can’t discern right away. 

“I..yes I recognize him,” your sigh was heavy, followed by the point of your finger when the man’s picture was shown one more time. “Don’t know his name or anything but I do know he works for Oz, I’ve seen him around the Iceberg Lounge pretty recently.” 

You took a deep breath before turning your attention to Alfred who was also listening curiously.

“I should also mention that I found out he was the man who was stalking me the morning we met. Oz sometimes uses his men to intimidate the dancers who get out of line with him and I may or may not have injured his pride the night before. I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner I just didn’t want to upset you with it.” 

You cringe inwardly, anxiety rushing in all over again now that you’d said it out loud. 

That incident had been something you tried not to give too much thought to, you’d been careful, always were and hadn’t had any more issues with being followed, even got back in Cobblepot’s good graces lately as well but seeing that photo brought it all back. 

“Hey, you have nothing to apologize for, darling. That’s quite alright and more than understandable, I think you know either way I’d always be upset knowing he sent that man to stalk you but I would never be angry with you about that.” Alfred spoke gently. 

You’re relieved he isn’t mad at you even if the guilt that lingered made you worry.

Maybe you’d make a point to bring it up again when you were alone and able to discuss it in the full context of your relationship, you were sure he wouldn’t mind giving you a little extra reassurance about it. 

“Thank you. I don’t know what to make of this but I am a bit shocked Oz would be connected. He’s looking for opportunities to climb up in the crime world, all of us know that and he can be sleazy and he has a reputation for a reason but for him to be part of something like this if he really is involved is extreme.” you chew the inside of your cheek, pondering if your boss had made a deal with the devil in his search for power in Gotham. 

Men like him were all smoke and mirrors with a penchant for easily bruised egos but these revelations had you questioning things. It wasn’t a good thing to know too much in this situation and right now, you were making one too many connections for your liking. 

You would just have to be more vigilant now, especially around him. 

The investigation into today’s fear toxin attack was still ongoing and every news outlet was clamoring for updates and solid information that was nonexistent right now, Bruce finally turning off the TV after a while. 

There would be a press conference tomorrow, maybe the city would know more by then but for now it was no use to any of you to rewatch the events you’d already experienced firsthand today. 

Bruce announced he was going to shower and call it a night and wished you well if he didn’t see you again, adding that you were welcome to stay any time if you didn’t feel safe going home and he was glad you weren’t hurt after everything. 

It brought about a smile to your face again to know he didn’t think any differently of you and made sure you felt welcome.

You were remembering his offer to surprise Alfred with a proper dinner this weekend and though what happened today seemed to put a huge damper on things, you hoped that could still happen. 

Closeness and company was what you all needed right now. 

After helping Alfred tidy up the kitchen a bit he offers to drive you home and your face must have indicated your disappointment because he was quick to explain he had every intention of spending the rest of the night with you, just thought you’d want to be in your own space after such a taxing day. 

He was right, as comfortable as you felt here at Wayne Tower you did miss your apartment and your bed and the familiarity of being in your space but you were also relieved to know that he was still looking forward to making the most out of things this evening. 

Of course he’d never leave you wanting or wishing. 

Trying to hide your eagerness was a challenge, a new kind of adrenaline in your system as you watched Alfred gather some things to take with him because he said he’d be staying the night too which meant you’d get to have him to yourself after all, putting excitement back in your veins after you’d been quietly hoping to be able to wake up next to him in the morning.

When you finally left the Tower, the streets were just as barren and quiet as Bruce had said, it was eerie not seeing any of the usual traffic. 

The only semblance of relief came from seeing that familiar bat signal lit up in the sky, a few hopeful beams cutting through the gloom in the air. 

Nothing was going to be the same moving forward and most of the city had been bracing for this since the first threat. It was only a matter of time but tonight, you wanted to forget for a little while and just take all the comfort and quality time with Alfred that you could. 

He was as protective as ever walking up to your building and doesn’t fully drop his guard until you’re both inside and the door is locked. 

Home at last!

Falling back onto more recent patterns, the space by the door is filled in with Alfred’s shoes, his coat hanging up next to yours, his presence in your apartment making it feel the most complete it’s ever been. 

He insisted that you let him make an evening cup of tea for both of you while you sank into the couch cushions, browsing through movies to watch together before you agree on something comedic and lighthearted. 

Eventually he joined you and somewhere in between laying your head against his shoulder and the middle of the movie, you finished your mug of chamomile tea and Alfred had pulled you into his lap.

And somewhere between then and the end of the movie you fit yourselves together so you could be cuddled against his side, your leg draped over his to make space. 

He’s so solid and warm that you’re helpless to sink into his hold, unable to explain why his arms made you feel so sweetly held, so comforted that the feeling radiated through just the mere mention of his name. 

Maybe it’s why the tears eventually came, when you knew you were completely safe and able to feel all your emotions fully after hours of having to push through.

It didn’t take Alfred long to notice your quiet sniffles though, catching the moment some of those tears spill over in silence. 

“Ohh sweetheart, it’s alright you’re okay. I’m right here, can you tell me what’s on your mind?” His words are soft and patient and spoken so gently you feel more tears come. 

“Today was just a lot…like I keep thinking of when we got separated in the street. I don’t think I’ve ever been as scared as I was at that moment. It’s probably all hitting me now I think,” the waver in your voice could have broken his heart. 

“It was a lot and you’ve done such a good job getting through it, you know that was a brilliant idea to use your scarf as a mask? You have no idea how proud I am of you! But you are right, that was terrifying, I was so worried you were hurt or trampled or worse, can’t imagine how caught off guard and disoriented you must have felt and I am so sorry for that, darling.”

Alfred kissed your temple, fingers careful when he began to wipe away the salty streaks left behind on your cheeks and nose. 

You wiggle yourself a little closer and nod against his shoulder, “You found me though, you made sure I wouldn’t be hurt even if you did almost give me a heart attack thinking I’d never be able to find you again.” 

This time there’s a genuine, shy laugh at the end of your words. 

“I’d always find you, you know that right?” his tone shifted to a slight seriousness, still comforting but there’s a weight to his words that steals your breath. “There isn’t a time, a place or a world in which I wouldn’t come find you, wouldn’t do everything in my power to keep you safe, you mean far too much to me.” 

You cried a bit more when all of that sentiment sank in because you trusted Alfred so much you knew he spoke truthfully, it wasn’t just to ease your emotions he meant every word and in turn, you’d felt every word. 

“I know, I don’t doubt that one bit. I know we talked about this earlier but I do want you to know I didn’t intend to keep that information about Oz sending someone to stalk me a secret from you. I promise I’m going to be a lot more careful around him now too.” 

He wiped away the dampness from your lashes before simply shaking his head at you and leaned in to kiss your forehead.

“That would definitely be wise going forward especially since we don’t know how deep his involvement goes but I also don’t want you worrying about how I feel, sweet girl. That was always yours to tell if and when you felt ready and it meant something greater that you trusted me with that knowledge, that I can be a place of confidence for you.” 

When would he ever stop rendering you speechless?!

You began to think the answer was never and that was just fine honestly, your heart so taken with his patience and diligence to validate your feelings whenever it was needed, no shame or dismissal involved.  

“Sometimes I think I just need a little extra reminding but you’re right I do know I can trust you with anything that’s going on, with anything I’m feeling.”

“Good, that makes me happy. I may have been thinking about putting you over my knee for thinking such silly thoughts that I would be upset, but there’s not a single thing you have to apologize for.” 

Oh.

You forgot how to breathe after hearing that, something lighting up inside you imagining yourself over his knee, accompanying thoughts of being toyed with, spanked, squirming and helpless under the grip of those strong hands of his followed swiftly.

He’d figured it out now, reading the change of your expression for what it was, latent desires rising to the surface.

You untangled yourself from his embrace to sit up for a moment, further distracted when he clasped his hands behind his head, shirt pulling taut over his biceps. 

“Thanks for reassuring me, if I ask again feel free to do that though, think I might actually get it through my head then,” you teased shyly, “I guess I am being silly, you did after all muscle your way through a wall of people to get to me, which by the way was very impressive.” 

He laughed at your compliment, the sound low and gravelly to your ears, pulling you in. 

“Mm used to be a boxer, love. I’m flattered you think so.” 

Oh wow. Again your interest in his skills had been piqued and he must have seen the flicker of an urge to ask further in your eyes because he continued after a second. 

“Well, field medics like to have fun too and it was the army so we were all trained in hand-to-hand combat; boxing kept us in shape and gave the lads something to do, to focus on. I still try to keep up with the training, Bruce and I spar a lot of the time, we have since he was old enough to throw a punch.” Alfred tilted his head at you a little, reminiscence on his features for but a moment. 

A stray image of potentially watching him spar one day landed right in your lap and it was incredibly hard not to involuntarily scoot your leg further up from where it was draped over his thigh. 

He was so damn attractive it wasn’t fair. It made sense, the boxing, connecting why his shoulders were so defined, the tone in the muscles of his back, the power you knew he had behind those thick hands and even thicker thighs.

So sturdy and agile, age and old injuries just a reminder that every move was calculated for a reason. 

“That’s so cool. I bet it’s a good way to let off some steam too,” you rest your chin on the plush pillows of the sofa. Something had begun to shift, a slowly simmering tension working its way between your bodies. 

“Oh I can think of other things that would do that better.” 

The look on his face sends a wave of heat through you, straight to your core. 

“Like putting me over your knee?” 

It slipped from your lips on a whim but he was ready for it and you realized he’d been enticing you this whole time. 

“If that’s what you’d like then of course. Have you ever been spanked before, darling?”

You took a shallow breath, “Maybe once or twice it’s happened in the moment but no, not really, not properly like that. I-I think I’d actually enjoy it, um have you ever spanked anyone before?”

“I have.” 

He unclasped his hands to sit up next to you, eyes never leaving your face, keeping the intensity up, lighting every little flame inside you by the second. He knew exactly what he was doing and you were going to let every spark catch.

“Also impressive and yes, Alfred. I want your hands on me,” you sighed a soft plea. 

“C’mere then, I’ve got you.” He tugs you gently into a kiss and your fingers slide down over his wrists when they moved in to cup your face, touching you the way you wanted, so sure and thorough until he grasps for your hips, hungrier than you’d anticipated. 

He doesn’t waste time, your surprised little squeal making him smile when he moves to stand up and lifts you slightly by your hips, tipping you so you’d fall into him before he was transferring your weight so you were hauled over his shoulders, centered with such ease so that you felt balanced and stable now that you were off the ground. 

Your pulse thuds in your chest as you cling to him, those nervous giggles muffled against his back while he carries you to bed. 

—

The short walk down the hall made you feel jittery in the best way, a nervous excitement bubbling inside you knowing he was experienced with this, that he was going to show you and make it feel so good. You were sure he would. 

It’s almost crazy to be back in your room after all that’s happened today, how tense all the minutes bleeding into hours had been. 

But it could all be pushed to the background for a while, your attention locked into the moment as Alfred sat down on your bed, bringing you with him, your body positioned across his lap so prettily, angled so your legs were spread just slightly with the length of his left thigh keeping you supported. 

You stretched out your upper half on the duvet, propped up on your elbows to look back at him, watching as he pushed your leggings down, throwing them somewhere behind him on the bed before warm hands were caressing up your shins, over your thighs and up to the swell of your ass. 

His palm kneaded your flesh, strong fingers applying a teasing amount of pressure while you squirmed and arched back into his touch. 

“I’ll start slow, is that alright? Nothing too hard, just a few spanks to see what you can tolerate. If you don’t like it or aren’t sure, we don’t have to continue.” His hand moves in soothing circles across your skin and he leans in to press a kiss to your shoulder. 

“Yes, I’m okay with that.” you try and breathe. 

“Good, I want you to say the word red if you need to stop, yellow if you need to slow down and green to continue if I stop to check in. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?” 

There’s a little authority in his voice and it made you squirm again, aroused by his establishment of cues and a safeword right away, how in charge he felt right now, you wanted this so badly it caught you by surprise. You hadn’t expected to be so needy for this.

Remembering that he was waiting for a reply you squeak out a yes and have to bite your lip to keep from gasping when he pulls his hand back and swats the center of your ass, more sound behind the movement than there was force but it still made you jolt forward. 

You groaned at the dull sting that prickled your skin after and glanced at Alfred who was already studying your reaction. 

“Well done, how did that feel?” he cooed praise at you and this time you don’t try to stop the sound you make in response. 

“Felt good, like what I was expecting but also different but I liked it, I want more.” your legs flexed when his hands smooth over your skin one more time, his pleased smirk at your declaration making heat pool in your lower back. 

You wished he would slip off your underwear too, so then he’d be able to see just how soaked you were from all this but you knew you had to be patient and the reward would be everything. 

You do take a second, however, to wiggle out of your sweater, starting to feel warm under the fleece lined fabric, and when you glanced back Alfred was admiring just as you thought he might be. 

No bra, nothing underneath but soft, brown skin for him to feel and just to entice him a little more, you arch your hips, making your ass jiggle, just enough to pull his steely gaze down your backside. 

The next spank is firmer than the first, more heaviness to his hand that made you whimper, your mind feeling a little hazy in the best way, the kind of haze that felt like a release, a soft bed to lay down on and surrender some control because you knew you’d be taken care of. 

Thwap! 

Whimpers and moaned out gasps mark the smack of his palm on each of your asscheeks, only a slight increase in the amount of force so that the sting just bordered on stealing your breath. 

“Christ, you’re so gorgeous like this, baby.”

His accent was deeper, that gruff voice sending tingles rippling across your spine, going down smooth like whiskey and followed by his left hand sliding over your back to rest on your right hip, making sure you couldn’t squirm away. 

He made each spank hurt in the most delightful way, alternating between right and left and then across both cheeks, spreading out the sensation, giving you a feel for which areas were more sensitive, which areas you liked being spanked at. 

“Oh, fuck!” breathy curses left your lips when he kept at it, precise hands giving you just the right amount of impact. 

“Good girl, you are doing so well. I think it’s time we take these off, hm?” he coaxes your hips up slightly so he can hook his fingers under the waistband of your panties and you’re all but begging him to. 

Nevermind if he felt like tearing them in two, you would have let him, but he’s polite in how he strips you despite the way you feel him stirring, hardening beneath where you lay. God, you wanted him so badly. 

“Please touch me, oh please,” you don’t even realize the words are coming from you.

In barely audible little pleas muffled by where your face is flush with the bed but Alfred doesn’t miss anything and he’s grinning in your peripheral. 

“You should see how soaked you are, love. Need my fingers there, is that right?” his fingers were already inching towards where you ached the most, his right hand circling, distracting you from being able to speak while preparing you for another spank. 

“Yes! Please, Alfred, I want it so much!” your whimper leaves both of you aching. 

A tremble in your thighs had spread down to your pointed toes with the way he swirled the pads of his index and middle fingers over the slick mess between your thighs.

Slow and sweet as he slid them over your folds and circled over your clit, waiting and then rewarded with the eventual roll and arch of your hips, his free hand drawing back and then coming down on heated skin. 

You gave a strangled cry, the sound turning into a moan when his fingers continued to circle your clit, responding to the way your body reacted, only taking his eyes off you for a moment when he finally put aside his self control to watch your pretty pussy swallow his thick fingers.

He worked you open gently, remembering how you liked him to move, where those sensitive spots were even at this new angle. 

Giving you something to clench around with his next spank, coaxing you to rock into his touch like he could see you wanted to do, the gorgeous sway of your hips trying to meet the plunge of his fingers, undeniably needy for him.

You knew he could hear it in the way you cried out his name, how sensitive your entire body was now, the broken, pleading edge to the way you praise him in return, telling him how good it felt, how much you’d been needing this. 

The pleasure built higher as did Alfred’s movements, a hiss at the edge of your words at each searing swat of his hands that mixed with the scissoring of his fingers, both working in careful, measured tandem. 

“That’s my girl, come on, that’s it!” he grits out when you push up onto your elbows again and grind your hips back. 

The passion and possession in the way he called you his merged with the curving of his fingers and you both know you’re there, tender walls fluttering as you come, thighs aching, your whole body tingling, trembling with the steady roll of his wrist keeping the pleasure drawn out, filling your entire body. 

You’re not embarrassed by the tears that prick your eyes or the sob in your throat that follow when he finally flips you over, laying you back because you’d begged for him to and who was he to refuse you, an angel.

If you wanted his face between your thighs, eating your dripping pussy until you were too sensitive to take it, that’s exactly what he’d give you and it’s why you weren’t shy, not in this moment, not when you knew he wanted it just as much as you. 

Soft hands disturb the careful style of Alfred’s hair, unable to help it when his tongue licks you and the salt and pepper scruff scratches achingly over your inner thighs, daring you to try and close them.

Not like you’d want to, able to see how his shoulders curved and bulged with the stretch of his shirt as he kept your legs parted with his body. 

This was everything you had wanted, moaning at the way he consumed you so lovingly, a weight in his touch and in his encouraging, filthy words that told you he wasn’t holding back now, you were his girl, he could show you the more true depth of his desire now.

And you were safe to do the same, you craved it actually, always wanting this and you reason you have this entire time, craving this level of care and need, even obsession with each other, so much trust and feelings at the center of it. 

“So good, baby. Just like that, please…” you barely get the words out, lungs losing air from the focus he gave to your words even before you finished speaking. 

His hands didn’t stay idle, the grip of his hands over your body like he wanted to memorize the feel of you, the way you dipped and curved and stretched and it drove you wild, the wet suction of his mouth the only thing your mind could focus on. 

It’s a wonder you can even move when he finally withdraws his mouth from your puffy lips, turning his still hungry and devoted gaze towards your chest, those stiff peaks he’d been neglecting through all this, but no longer. 

You squirmed into the flick of his tongue, the way he kissed your skin and praised and nipped and got his lips on every inch of skin that he could while you just laid back and relaxed, recovered from the orgasm still twitching in the muscles of your arms, your thighs, your tummy. 

“Just look at you. Fuck, I am so lucky,” he rumbles against your collar and you wrap your arms around him, curled against him.

“I feel exactly the same way.”

His soft huff of breath against your neck tickled and you snake your legs around him, hoping to keep him close, just wanting to be in his arms and under his body for as long as you could. 

You’d take forever, and that was all you needed to know.

The Shoreline Lofts

November 27 

12:00 a.m.

The Batman was watching. Unblinking and focused, planted in place but ready for anything that might come. Folding himself into the inky cloak of the midnight hour. 

The Iceberg Lounge was directly beneath the loft space but that wasn’t why Bruce had come tonight.

No, he was far more interested in what Penguin got up to in private, without guests and dancers and clients around, what secrets or clues might be yielded if he just sat and watched, surveilled for a while. 

He was curious why the man you had recognized from the news was connected to Scarecrow and he didn’t believe for a moment that Oz wasn’t keeping tabs on what his men were doing, he had to have known the attack was going to happen. 

Motives were unclear but pieces of this horrid puzzle were starting to come together so Bruce  wouldn’t rest until he could see the grand picture for what it was. 

He tipped the binoculars back up to the blackened edges of his cowl, zeroing in again on where Oz was playing pool, unaware a shadow sat spying through the skylight. 

The building’s layout was already scoped out, every entry point found, tested, and memorized. Now Bruce would wait and watch until Penguin left the loft to slip in and see what he could find. 

Gordon needed intel, something to go on after grasping for dead end’s, there was no time to sit on things, not after what he’d seen today. 

Not after you and Alfred were almost hurt and especially not after he’d seen what the toxin did to people, recognizing the look of anguish in their eyes like his own reflection.

A waking nightmare was no stranger to Bruce so he’d make sure of this, Scarecrow would be made to answer.

A/N: It’s been so long and I have missed writing for Alfred and I’m really surprised and proud of what I wrote here! Went through a lot of emotions trying to get this on the page and there was a lot of self doubt and anxiety and unfairly beating myself up about things not coming together but here we are and I just really love that I pushed through and had fun putting this all together in the end 💕 We stan protective Alfred! Like if that’s not a whole husband right there!

Thanks for giving this a read!

no pressure tags! 💌 @flamingdisputes @saradika @ozarkthedog @tarabyte3 @tarrenterror25 @the-eyes-of-andyserkis @communism-bitches @xnodamsel @glitterjuju @mariahthelioness29 @ayoarticulate @fluffyprettykitty @unrefinedmusings @xoxovivafics @peachyteabuck

[kurigohan0909]

Rewatching Link Click: Easter eggs in your noodle soup?

So I've just finished watching both seasons of Link Click/Shíguāng Dàilǐ-rén, which means that obviously I'm watching it all over again. What did you expect me to do, sit around waiting for Bridon arc while the Bilibili official account taunts us with replays??

Besides, Link Click is one of those dishes that is best served twice. The early episodes are packed with hints and foreshadowing that only become clear once you've gotten up to date, so I've made it my mission to catch 'em all.

You don't say.

It's well known that certain early mini-arcs (for instance Chen Xiao's basketball match, and Doudou's kidnapping) have implications for the larger plotline or at least contain important exposition/character insights that the story would not feel complete without. There are also several that get written off as filler, or are generally considered to not have any purpose beyond familiarising the audience with the characters and setup, and lulling you into a false sense of comfort before everything goes to shit. Episode 2: Secret Recipe, AKA the Noodle Lesbians episode, beloved as it is, tends to fall into the second category.

Or does it?

On a rewatch, I still don't think it does anything to advance the main plot. We don't even really know where it fits into the timeline, because we're never told what day it is and Lu Guang's watch is never shown on screen (I'll get around to a longer analysis of this another day). However, I'm instead inclined to believe that it's one of the most important episodes in the show - if not THE most important - because it's essentially an allegory for the story of Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang, and gives you a bird's eye view of how the relationship between them is going to develop - which, as you know, is what the show is all about. And the fact that it's not situated in a specific time, in a show that cares heavily about timeline construction, makes it better.

The episode starts with this quote from German photographer August Sander, who believed that, through photography, he could reveal the characteristic traits of people. "The portrait is your mirror. It's you." It's pretty explicit, when you think about it. This episode is a mirror of the entire series, specifically of its protagonists.

Moving on. The episode's storyline is quite simple: two college "roommates" start a noodle shop together, and as time passes, they drift apart and eventually fall out as their priorities change. Yu Xia, the business-oriented one between them, wants to get hold of the secret ingredient used by Lin Zhen, to whose cooking the shop attributes its success. Does Yu Xia really want to steal the secret recipe? Or is it just one of the many things that the quieter Lin Zhen keeps hidden from her that she desperately wants to know, along with everything that went wrong between them? Your guess is as good as mine. Either way, there are lots of indirect parallels between Xialin of the noodle shop and Shiguang of the photo studio, even if for now they're very distinct individuals with their own personalities and struggles. It does, however, give some indication of what's to come.

This question isn't purely rhetorical, as we find out in the very next arc, where Cheng Xiaoshi has a fight with Lu Guang over letting his client's loved ones perish in the Wenchuan earthquake. Even if they eventually come to a consensus, they have fundamentally different life philosophies and approach their missions in very different ways. Cheng Xiaoshi is a hyperempathetic idealist who keeps trying to use his forays back into the past to fix his clients' personal problems, while Lu Guang remains utterly indifferent and staunchly against interfering, even in life-or-death situations. Which turns out to be a facade, because we later learn that he's just as much of a meddler as Cheng Xiaoshi - except he's focused on a singular, selfish goal, which is to keep Cheng Xiaoshi alive at any cost.

Let's go back to the noodle shop. After ten years of running the business together, it becomes clear that the ladies' aspirations are no longer compatible. Yu Xia has big plans for the shop. She wants to broaden their customer base - for profit, of course, but also so that more people can be made happy by the chance to taste their noodles. Lin Zhen's dreams, however, are on a smaller scale - perhaps only on a personal scale. Throughout the episode, it seems that she only really cares about making noodles for one person.

Sound familiar?

At the risk of digressing, it needs to be said that Yu Xia and Lin Zhen are absolutely very much a WLW couple. This isn't bait, it's elegant and really quite unsubtle queercoding that says 'to hell with censorship' loud and clear. Honeymoon jokes, the taxi driver assuming Lin Zhen had fought with her husband, and Lin Zhen's very bold attempts at flirting... we see you.

More to the point of this post, I think it's important to point out that Lin Zhen does not actually care for too many people other than Yu Xia. She's all worn out from making noodles for customers, but she forgets all about that when it's time to make a bowl for Yu Xia. She also keeps her special ingredient - which is one of the secrets she shares with Yu Xia, as we find out - highly guarded. She's never going to let these pesky reporters in on something so intimate.

Why is this important? Because, as it turns out, the episode's storyline - and Lin Zhen's motives - are all about saving Yu Xia.

We learn that the secret ingredient is a local specialty from Yu Xia's hometown. Lin Zhen has been using it for years, keeping the taste of home alive while Yu Xia's drifted further and further from home to the point where she can no longer remember where the ingredient came from. At the end of it all, when Yu Xia returns home, she finds Lin Zhen there waiting for her. Lin Zhen, mind you, does not hail from the same town. The girls met in college. It's home to her simply because it's Yu Xia's home.

This comes directly after a pilot episode that establishes the contrast between urban isolation and rural/familial warmth, through Emma's eyes, and in a show that continually reinforces the concept of longing for home and loved ones. By forcing Yu Xia to reevaluate her priorities, Lin Zhen manages to bring her back home - which is a place that includes herself.

Perhaps it's too early to say. But to me, it's a pretty neat thematic parallel of Lu Guang's solo quest to save Cheng Xiaoshi from death; which is intertwined with a greater goal of giving Cheng Xiaoshi a home, one that is safe and secure and surrounds him with those that love him and are there to stay.

But in the process of achieving this, one of his biggest obstacles is Cheng Xiaoshi himself - his insistence on interfering with the timeline so that Lu Guang can't predict events with certainty, his objections to the way Lu Guang does things, and the definite resistance Lu Guang will come up against if Cheng Xiaoshi learns about his plan. Pretty much every minor mission they undertake is a rehash of the same argument; Cheng Xiaoshi wants to use their combined powers to make a difference to other people's lives, and Lu Guang just has one goal in mind which means that he's going to ignore absolutely everyone else.

Notice how Yu Xia's looking to the future, while Lin Zhen's dream is to go back to a point in the past? Neat.

And when they finally part ways because it's clear Yu Xia is not going to support Lin Zhen's goal? Yu Xia asks her where she's going to go after they part ways, and Lin Zhen says:

I wonder where we've heard that before.

And if you need any more proof that this episode is in fact intended to be a mirror, do consider:

Their seating positions are mirrored too. Yeeeeaaaaaahhhh.

In conclusion: if this allegory is to be believed, then trust that Lu Guang will eventually succeed in his mission and Cheng Xiaoshi will find his way home to him. It'll happen, guys. In the meantime, at least our beloved noodle ladies will be living a peaceful life out in the countryside.

Since I don't know how to shut up and this website seems to be giving me infinite space to yap, let me include some more details about this episode that I found cool. There are so many.

Lin Zhen and Lu Guang are both shown while this line is being said. What with all that the fragrant flowers represent, it makes you think about what these characters' best memories might be and how much they treasure them.

This is such a tiny detail that you'd almost definitely miss it on the first watch, and it seems insignificant - until it isn't. When Cheng Xiaoshi hops into the girls' picture taken during their college days, he screws up and suggests they'd be better off dabbling in tech stuff like apps or intelligent management than running a noodle shop. Lu Guang makes him quickly eat his words, but they seem to have still struck a chord with Yu Xia - because later we see that she works over years to integrate an intelligent supply chain management system into their business. In fact, one of the reasons for Lin Zhen to alienate herself from the business is because she feels like it's gotten too techy and lost its human touch. Not really fair considering it was her own idea, is it?

I mean. This is probably a stretch. Digitization is pretty inevitable for big businesses nowadays, so Yu Xia, being as enterprising as she is, might have gone for it whether Lin Zhen suggested it or not. But it's interesting to think that it might be Cheng Xiaoshi's tiny alteration of the past that unfurled outwards like a hurricane from the beating of a butterfly's wing and catalysed their falling out. Especially because these kinds of bootstrap phenomena very much occur in later episodes and are a core feature of Link Click's time travel model.

Some suspicious behaviour on Lu Guang's part. He's quite certain there are no useful clues in the last picture Yu Xia and Lin Zhen took in front of their shop, despite it being the only one taken by Lin Zhen (seriously! you could go to her house, look through her phone, the possibilities are endless!) and the fact that this is the photo Cheng Xiaoshi did end up solving the mystery in, thanks to the ticket stubs he found in her purse (see?) Secondly, they outright miss a picture in the envelope - the most important picture of all which would have given them the answer right away, since this was when the fragrant flowers were first used. Not your best work, Lu Guang.

...or is it? Lu Guang is pretty meticulous, and it's unlike him to slip up in such obvious ways. He's also skilled at slipping things back into envelopes when he doesn't want them to be seen, as we know. Could it be that he didn't want Cheng Xiaoshi to solve the mystery? But why? Maybe it's metaphorical, like so much else of this episode: he doesn't want Cheng Xiaoshi to uncover his true intentions. The fact that all this is ultimately for his sake.

Interestingly, Lu Guang was very dejected at the idea of them seemingly being out of luck - they'd tried so many times and failed to fulfill the mission. Was he, perhaps, thinking about another mission he'd hate to fail? Anyway, it falls to Cheng Xiaoshi to cheer him up and give him hope for another try, which he accepts, with a small but genuine smile. My heart.

If you've scrolled this far, I'm glad you enjoyed my ramblings! I must say I don't know much about how Tumblr works so apologies if I mess up on formatting or tags, but I'll probably get the hang of it soon enough. I'll also probably end up enjoying Tumblr more than Twitter since it allows me unfettered yap space and won't feed my writing to the machine (yet). It's late and I should probably stop stop thinking bout it around now... but look forward to more random ramblings and thank you for reading!

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

My fic recs

...yes it is just my ao3 bookmarks but anyway.

Hunger Games

Now we're all the chosen ones

Hunger Games & Six of Crows crossover - well, you get six of crows in HG setting. I think the author did a great job at making up the characters background so fits the world and the characters as well.

Not all of them are in one games, which is great, cos all your faves can stay alive, and the series is longer <3

Each of the arenas was very unique as well, it never felt repetitive.

Mag's War/Mag's Trilogy

Basically, the revolution and the aftermath through the eyes of Finnick Oddair, Mag's protege.

What I really like about this series is the worldbuilding that goes into fighting a war, winning it and reform the country, but more so, I like the relationships in this series.

The relationships are really a driving force for Finnick, his love for Mags, Annie, later Cashmere and Johanna. My favourite is Finnick and Johanna (qpr) in the happy end version - "this might not be the perfect ending for everyone, but it is for us"

Phoenix Fire & Mockingjays

Once again, briliant worldbuilding. Even the encyclopedias are fun to read, and the whole thing is rereading material.

There is one story from the series that is my favourite though:

My Eyes Dazzle

Absolutely horrific story of President Snow, his young wife- his obsession and paranoia that runs so deep you can feel it.

Mind the content warnings, though.

Harry Potter

Bonds of Grey

Very elaborate canon rewrite including soulmates – soulmates of choice, platonic soulmates.

You could argue that the characters are overpowered, but it's so fun to read, on the battle field and on political courts as well.

Prince of Slytherin

It'd just feel weird not including Prince of Slytherin, I've read it multiple times. You can also see the writing style improve through the books.

Also, there's a scene of professor Snape eating popcorn at a wizangamot meeting. I think.

Oh god, not again!

Very funny time-travel fix-it. Well, fix it. (Barely anything gets fixed and several new problems are created.)

Contains this quote: HP: „Come on! Do you think if I was the heir of Slytherin, I wouldn't be merchandising it?!“ „...fair enough.“

Lucius Malfoy and the terrible, horrible, no good time

...okay that's not the official title but that's what's going on. It's incredibly funny, I sent this to my roommate and she was laughing out loud.

Lucius is so funny in this, obsessed with his hair, slughtly (rightfully) afraid of his wife, and pissed that the deatheaters keep breaking his fine china.

Next two are from @thistlecatfics

Nymphadora, Nymphet

First of all, mind the content warnings. Really, do. It's the Blacks.

Second of all, this is very beautifully written, and I find myself thinking back at it, remembering some quotes. It's haunting.

Icarus

I've only read this one once, but it stayed with me, it's just so vivid. Dealing with the war ending when the war is the only thing you knew.

Also, the definition of mutually destructive relationship <3

Once again, read the tags, though.

The Locked Tomb

Crawl home to her

I lack the words to describe this, but this fic was what made me actually use the ao3 bookmarks function for the first time. Let that speak for itself.

Descendants

Okay first of all everything that my mutuals wrote <3

So I'm gonna write just few that I really like:

From @tiredflowercrown

There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

Ivy/Claudine. Ivy being the self-destructive diva she is and causing chaos at the pirate crew meeting.

...you know, I just really need to throw Ivy de Vil and Harry Hook into a room together and study them. For the greater good.

Dirty

I just think Harriet should get violent more often, that's all <3

Oleander petals

And Anthony deserves to give in to the darker side. You know, as a treat <3

Does it cross your mind to be slightly sorry?

„Oh so that makes it okay? You had faith that your cousins, who you had never put in positions of power, and the boys who love you so much that they would stop breathing if you asked them to, would be able to care for an entire crew! Harry shut down when he realized you had left! You think Harriet is an alcoholic, you should’ve seen Harry!”

That was a quote and I have nothing else to add.

@humaforever 💞

Seven Deadly Sins

Okay funny story about this story: I just started rambling about this ship in dms, completely drunk, and when I woke up the next day, (hungover), there was a story!

A miracle!

(thank you)

Innocent bystander

Sammy Smee is suffering, forever and ever. It's fun to watch.

Secret Santa

This one is great cos it's all my faves! Together! Being happy! Causing only moderate amount of chaos!

Look I'm pretty sure that I could write it down from memorory with like, fifty percent accuracy. It's just good, and I'm rereading stuff a lot.

@shellyseashell

Heart made of glass

Claudine! Pirates! Theatre nights!

What else can you wish for?

No, really, I really love this story. It's amazing with the friendships Claudine is slowly building, with Isle kids that shouldn't care but do.

Our finest gifts we bring

Anthony fretting over what to get his Girlfriends for christmas.

Every character that appears feels so real and true, and I like the gifts that they got.

@theamityelf

The worst is now the victor

Descendants kids in Hunger Games setting cos apparently I like hurting myself-

Really though, it's so well written, and there's a ton of comfort in there as well. And Uma always trying to do the most!

Where the angels used to be

Another crossover, this time Good Omens, with Uma and Audrey taking on the roles of Crowley and Aziraphale respectively. (For those interested, Core 4 are horsemen of the apocalypse.)

I really like watching Uma and Audrey through the ages, but my favourite is them with Harry and Gil. Uma just. Let them follow her everywhere. She forgot that humans are supposed to age and die, okay?

And Harry didn't really feel like telling her.

The scene when Audrey tells her is probably my favourite, Uma's just like: "Harry? Do you wanna die?" "Nah I'm good." "Okay."

@nocturna-iv

A path to an answer

... I'm just gonna leave the link there for this one.

Blue Domain

Complete AU. Some politics, Evie and Uma friendship, Harry/Uma, what more could a girl want.

Okay last ones probably, without tagged author:

Anchored

Ladies and gentlemen, behold, the first smut fic I managed to read. (That's not on the author btw, that's on me, I don't really like most smut scenes. This is very sweet tho)

Til the storm comes

The pirate crew. Not just Sea Three, the whole dead. Bonny, Desiree, Jonas, Gonzo, Claudine, Marya, whole bunch of others.

This fic is great, very raw-like. They're Isle kids to the core and it's so real.

Plus, the party scene is great.

That concludes my fic recs for the day, thank you for your attention <3

[twinkboimler]

spirk fic recs

to mark this blog hitting 125,000 posts I thought I'd throw together a fic rec post of some of my favorite spirk fics! There are so many recommendations I could make, but I tried to recommend ones I don't see recommended as often. Fics are included under the read-more, enjoy!

TOS:

These Hands, If Not Gods by greenforsnow (Explicit, 18,200 words). A post-Amok Time fic where Spock is still experiencing plak tow symptoms, and Jim does his best to help Spock out. One of the first spirk fics I read, and I am such a fan of how Jim is written in this fic. One of my favorite takes on TOS spirk, it's an all-time fave

It's Only Art (if it makes you feel something) by Wrath_of_Bones (Teen and up, 24,231 words). I thought the ending of this fic was really lovely. Jim tries to figure out who's been painting a series of paintings that have been appearing in the art studio on the ship. SO much pining. Perched in the Soul by Betazoa (Explicit, 12,847 words). During an away mission, Spock accidentally bonds them together in an attempt to save Jim's life. There is SO much pining and sexual tension in this fic as they struggle to try and keep things platonic despite the bond needing to be consummated.

The Bond by TheVulcanBobDylan (Explicit, 12,371 words). A post-Amok Time smut & hurt/comfort fic. I really enjoyed the characterization of everyone in this, and there are some moments that really tugged at my heartstrings - Spock has so much anxiety about bonding with Jim, and the feelings Jim feels are incredibly human, so real and complicated. So good.

TOS Movies:

Shakedown Cruise by Rhaegal (RhaegalKS) (Explicit, 23,122 words). This fic has a lot of pining and yearning, all as a result of Spock still missing memories following the fal-tor-pan. Jim longs for Spock to remember, missing the relationship he and Spock used to have. Jim feels a lot of hurt; Spock may be alive again, but Spock is still remembering how to be himself. So, so good.

AOS:

And Then I Let It Go by kianspo (Explicit, 10,632 words). The most popular fic on this list. Post-Star Trek Beyond. The crew has a bit of time on their hands as they wait for the new ship to be constructed. During that time, Spock up and leaves, cutting off all communication, and Jim tracks him down. I really love how this fic explores the post-Beyond version of these characters and what they've all just been through.

kuv kath-vuk fator by AgentStannerShipper (Explicit, 56,475 words). An AOS take on Spock's pon farr. So much smut at the end, really need to underline the explict rating and the tags on this one. This fic also has some good Nyota & Jim friendship content that, let's be honest, is lacking in a lot of trek fic. Jim works with Nyota to learn some Vulcan because he's nosy and is trying to figure out why Spock is requesting medical leave (spoiler alert: it's pon farr), and by the end of the fic, him having put in the time to learn the language pays off and makes the final part of the fic super satisfying. Check the tags on this one to see if it's right for you.

Weekend Lover by ValiantBarnes (Cimila) (Explicit, 30,016 words). Academy-era. AU where they have a one night stand in Riverside, and while Jim expects to never see Spock again, once he runs into him in San Francisco, they start hooking up again. Check the tags; the smut in this story is really what's pushing the plot here. Intense and really good, I'm a big fan of the ending to this one, I've read it multiple times.

SNW:

The 1,000 Hour Sleep by spqr (Mature, 27,227 words). I've reread this fic at least four times already since it was published last year. This fic nails Strange New Worlds Jim despite us having him for only an episode, and it's such an entertaining AU: Espionage with Jim as a spy whose path keeps interweaving with the Enterprise and its crew. Jim gets exposed to some radiation that won't let him fall asleep but sleep is required for the radiation to leave his system - this is where Spock steps in to help Jim sleep via a meld. I find something new I love about this fic every time I read it. Additionally, there's some fantastic "crew as family" content, and it explores the family dynamics between Jim and Sam, too. It's such a well-constructed fic, cannot recommend enough.

[cairoscene]

do you have any fic recs? (anything w tim joins the batfam early or ghostbat or anything in general tbh!)

hello i absolutely do! i'm going to try to give a good scattering of different fics and hope one of these is new to you/what you're looking for.

for "tim joins the bat family early" these are some of my favorites:

5 Times Tim Spends the Night at Wayne Manor + 1 Time He Comes Home by motleyfam. this fic is inspired by Latchkey by goldkirk and birds fly in every direction by distracted_dragon, and all three are really excellent fics and great entries into this particular tag. all three of these fics are ones i turn to when i want prime hurt/comfort tim pangs with plenty of family fluff and shenanigans.

Brother Wanted by Vamillepudding. i read this one early on in fandom and i still laugh when i think about it. premise is that jason mistakenly answers tim's advert for a brother and ends up with tim paying him to be his brother. it's full of a very precocious and lonely tim trying his hardest to keep jason around, while jason is desperately trying to figure out how to get this kid adopted before he runs out of money. truly a delightful fic.

Like a Hinge, Like a Wing by Ultrageekatlarge. cw for child abuse and peril, so mind the tags but imo this is a work of art. genuinely one of the best paced and well-written fics out there. i suppose it's technically not tim joining the family early but rather an AU where jason never died, so tim never had the chance to replace him; instead he finds himself under the care of a horrible uncle after his parents die, and in desperation, he turns to the only person who can help: batman.

the Surveillance series by smilebackwards. cheating again bc technically this is just an AU where jason didn't die and tim is a civilian, so it's got the flavor of a different joining-the-family dynamic, plus added timkon delightfulness. this is my go-to for highly competent and extremely lonely tim drake content.

as for ghostbat, it's an extremely small tag, but it's got some excellent fics:

Miscommunication by OkayAristotle. pretty sure this is the first fic in the ghostbat tag, and somehow it got them prefect right from the start. the petty banter and ease with which they interact is phenomenal.

break me shake me devastate me by pendulum_north. some great angst with a small helping of comfort! as well as just a good overall look at the more tragic side to ghostbat.

i used to waste my time dreaming of being alive (now i only waste it dreaming of you) by nygmamale. bed-sharing! pining! banter! angst! there's something about how they both go out of their way to spite the other in this fic that really gets me.

The First Warm Thing by Noknowname. absolutely aching ghostbat domesticity and old men being gross and in love.

and i'll throw in a few of my other favorite random DC fics just for the heck of it:

A Meditation on Railroading by eggmacguffin. this remains one of my all-time favorite fics. tim gets stranded and chooses to freight-hop his way back to gotham, and guess who ends up on the same train? "baby wipes jason" is still spoken with reverent and hushed tones in my groupchat regularly.

Stargazer by lemonadegarden. my favorite comfort reread jason fic. jason breaks his leg and gets stuck at the manor while recuperating. honestly it's rare to find a fic that really lets jason feel as young as he is. i think he's 19 in this fic and he feels so very lost and young and hurt in a way that really heals me.

Overcoming Our Antecedents by Batbirdies. jason gets temporarily de-aged, and bruce has feelings about it. one of my cornerstone jason and bruce fics, mostly bc it contextualizes bruce and jason's relationship pre-jason's death in a way a feel many fics don't bother with. it's really really heartwarming.

The Jingle Jangle Morning by audreycritter. robin-era dick goes on a field trip and bruce has emotions. i think about this fic all the time tbh. it really sells bruce as a young, committed, and sweet father who really just wants to make sure dick is okay.

Tap Out by coyote_nebula. jason gets poisoned. oopsie. this whole series is excellent but i love this one for the way it builds up jason as a brother and a son, and the flashbacks to jason's early days after he was adopted by bruce. i truly wish there were more fics about newly adopted jason but what this fic offers scratches that itch for me.

buy back the secrets by sundiscus. in case you haven't heard this is the Timkon Fic of All Time. a 5+1 of times kon saved tim drake that has everything. identity shenanigans! tim and bruce pangs! kon and clark pangs! tim being extremely competent and extremely lonely! kon being extremely lonely and also pretty competent. this is technically a wip so i hope you'll forgive me for reccing it but it's really great and also totally worth it bc fer is absolutely 100% going to deliver and it's just. very good.

[badkitty3000]

just read “you are my constant” and i NEED more of your thoughts on five and delores’ relationship. kinda loved how open five is with viv on his past with her

First off, thank you thank you for reading that fic! That was one of my longer, more psychologically based one-shots, so I appreciate you checking it out.

I have probably written Five's past with Dolores a few different ways, depending on the type of fic I'm writing and the person he's in a relationship with at the time. In general, they are mostly the same but with some minor differences. But for the sake of this ask, I will base it off of how I wrote him in my Halo series.

Five and Dolores are tragic. If I could pick one incredibly sad thing out of all the sad things in Five's life, that would be it. Because she IS Five and Five IS Dolores. Five is also not stupid and so he KNOWS he is crazy and that she is not real. He KNOWS she is a coping mechanism and the other side to his psyche, created to keep him marginally sane so that he could stay alive and get back to his family. That doesn't make her any less real in his mind or in his memories, though. I also don't think, despite him knowing that he comes across as a bit cuckoo, that he is ashamed of her. When he comes back to 2019, finding her is one of the first things he does. He risks his life to get her back. And he has no issue showing his affection for her in front of his family, either. He knows if he's going to have any chance at figuring out how to stop the apocalypse, he needs her by his side. That being said, I also don't think Five feels the need to disclose that part of himself to just anyone. While he may not be ashamed, he's also pretty closed off. So, blurting out that he created a mannequin wife for himself to live with for 45 years to just anyone probably is not going to happen. He knows anyone that hears that story is going to either thinks he's an idiot or pity him, and he is not interested in either of those things.

During the apocalypse, Dolores was the most human side of him. She spoke to him, encouraged him, guided him, and scolded him. Whatever he did, she would be there to show him the other side of the coin. Whether it was reminding him that he was good and still had a heart, or that he needed to continue on in order to save the world, she would be there. If he taxed himself too much, risking injury or illness, she was there to remind him to be careful. If he was losing his mind with grief or anger, she would step in to soothe him and remind him of why he needed to keep going and survive. If he drank too much, she would judge him harshly and tell him he was being stupid. All of these things are what Five himself knew, but he just needed another voice to tell him.

With Five and Vivian, he started off being pretty closed off to her. When he finally spilled his guts about everything, that included telling her about Dolores. Right away, Viv started getting emotional over it but Five just ignored her tears. It was an essential part of his past he needed to share with her, but he didn't want her pity. I imagine that in the beginning of their relationship, he would tell her little bits and pieces about his and Dolores' life together, with Vivian listening intently and trying not to say anything to upset or annoy him. Eventually, after many years, it would just become a normal part of their lives. Once in a while, she would tease him and say things like "Poor Dolores...I don't know how she put up with your bitching for all those years. The woman was a saint!" which Five prefers over her feeling sad for him. If anyone else tried to make a comment, he'd get defensive. But with Viv, he knows it's all out of love and he'll just huff and roll his eyes, trying to hide a smile.

In "You Are My Constant", Five tells Viv a little story about seeing the northern lights with Dolores one time during the apocalypse. When Viv gets misty eyed, he tells her "I didn't tell you that to make you sad. You don't have to cry for me all the time." (I might be misquoting my own fic, I'm too lazy to go back and look, but that's the gist of it) And he's not saying it in a shitty way, because he appreciates that his wife cares for him and his past that much, but he also really means it. He does not want her pity or her tears every time he opens up to her about Dolores. He wants to be able to share his past with her like any other normal husband would with their wife.

He still thinks about Dolores from time to time, even as he gets older (again) and has his new life and family. Because how could he not? She was literally a part of him for the majority of his life, and you can't just erase that. (*cough* looking at you season four *cough*) So, when things come up that remind him of her, he probably just keeps it to himself. Going out shopping and seeing mannequins in the store is an obvious one that even Viv would know about, but there would be other, more private things that he wouldn't always share with her. Like if he sees a book that he read to Dolores during their quiet nights by the fire, or someone passes by wearing a sequined shirt, he'll smile to himself but won't say anything out loud. If he's working intently on something he can't figure out, he'll automatically start talking to Dolores without even realizing it, because it's so ingrained in his psyche. "Yes, I think I understand the concept of centripetal acceleration, Dolores...I'm not a moron."

She also comes to him in his dreams. Once in a while they might be nice, romantic dreams that leave him feeling a little bit horny when he wakes up, but most of the time they are nightmares. Dolores trapped under rubble, screaming for Five to help her but he's frozen to the spot. He'll yell her name out loud before waking up in a sweaty panic. Then he'll feel like absolute garbage because he just screamed another woman's name while his wife is sleeping beside him. Viv doesn't mind, obviously, because she knows it's all part of his PTSD. But Five still feels awful and wishes he could forget everything and just be a normal human. He hates that his traumatic past sneaks up on him like that, trying to ruin the good life he has now. (I actually did write this scene in Promise To Kill, the 4th story in that series)

Fun fact (not really)! When I first wrote Halo, I had never bothered to look into the translation of what Five is saying to his hallucination of Dolores in Season 3. I knew it was romantic but I had no idea what he said. Oblivious to this, I ended up writing Five calling Vivian his angel, and that's his name for her going forward through the whole rest of the series. In hindsight, I probably wouldn't have done that, because as it turns out, that's what Five called Dolores. Or maybe that works, considering he loves both of them? But I still feel a little bad because that's kind of a slight to both women. That's just how I viewed Five would feel about anyone he would fall in love with, though. Here is this woman, willing to overlook all of his trauma and horrible acts he has committed during his life, and Five can't quite believe that. So, to him, she has been sent from (figurative) heaven to save his wretched soul and he'll never understand why he is worthy of that. But, sorry Dolores...I never meant to steal your thunder!

In summary, Five and Dolores are complicated. He hates that he ever had to invent her in the first place. He wishes he could forget her, but at the same time he loves her and will never stop loving her, even when he finally has a new life and unconditional love of a real woman. She is an essential part of him, and one he is grateful for. He is not ashamed of her, but also not willing to discuss her very often. His memories of her are sad, happy, and painful. She will never be fully gone, and that is both a comfort and a burden for him.

Thanks for this ask! Sorry it got a little long there 😊