#AI: *reads it* I HATE YOU THIS BOOK MADE ME FEEL THINGS AND THAT'S NOT OKAY

[morally-gray-men-for-life]

Midnight Confessions (Part 1/2)

Pairing: Enoch O’Connor x Fem!reader

Genre: fluff, almost smut, friends to lovers

Summary: After months of you both pinning over each other, he comes to you one night and feelings come to the surface.

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: Not beta or proof read, slight ooc Enoch?, marking kink

A/N: This is the first fanfic I’ve ever written I apologize for the shit writing, this was also loosely based off a conversation I had with a bot I made on character ai. Also no hate to Olive I love her

ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+

Its half past midnight and you can’t sleep, deciding to read you quietly get out of bed, the floor boards of the old children’s home gently creaking under your feet as you take a few step towards your book shelf.

Before your finger tips could graze the spine of the book you reached for you heard a quiet knock at your door, considering the odd hour you assume it’s one of the young children coming to you because of a nightmare, not wanting to wake Miss Peregrine and disturb her very structure schedule.

Instead, when you open the door you find Enoch staring back at you, dark circles had started forming around his eyes from lack of sleep you guessed. “Enoch? What are you doing up?” You spoke in a hushed voice so no one would be woken up, the walls of the house were practically paper thin.

He shifted awkwardly from one foot to another in the doorway, his gaze falling to the floor, “I could ask you the same thing ..” he muttered, clearly looking slightly uncomfortable, unsure of himself, this was unusual for him you thought, usually he was less fidgety.

You smile slightly at him, he was never someone to seek out company unless it was you, for some reason you and him had bonded almost instantly after meeting, “I just couldn’t sleep honestly, do you want to hangout maybe? Miss Peregrine can’t get mad about you being in my room if she’s asleep” you giggle at the last part of what you just said, remember the time Miss Peregrine gave a lecture after realizing you and Enoch had become friends, apparently because of us being teenagers we weren’t allowed to be in one of our rooms together without someone else there.

He let out an amused scoff as he remembered that day, thinking back to how mad Miss Peregrine had gotten after she walked into your room without knocking and saw the two of you sitting on the bed together talking. Her face going as red as a tomato, “You don’t think she’d be too upset if she knew you were letting a boy into your room this late at night?…She might faint.”

Enoch smirked, a hint of his usual cockiness returning with that familiar expression, you smiled and laughed softly into my hand, you moved away from the door so he could come in.

You walked over to my bed and sat cross legged by your pillows, watching him close the door behind him and sit by the foot of your bed, “It’s not like you’d try something, your so head over heels for Olive” laughing at your jab at his blatant dislike for the girl that has been following him around like a lost puppy since they met.

Enoch’s smirk quickly turning into a frown and a grumble of displeasure, remembering the way Olive had practically been stalking him since she arrived, the thought of that girl irritating him, his dark eyes rolling at the mention of her name. “Don’t remind me.. that girl is a little demon. I swear she’s been following me everywhere recently. He muttered bitterly, leaning back against the foot of the bed frame, crossing his arms and stretching out his legs in front of him.

“Awwwwww poor Enochhhh, she just has a crush on you, it’s kind of hilarious”, you move yourself so you’re laying on my back with your head next to his thigh, you laugh at the teasing of him knowing that he finds it a tad bit amusing. You yourself had developed a small crush on Enoch over the months that you had been friends. He was sarcastic, funny, sharp witted, kind hearted, had a soft spot of little kids, just the right amount of mean sometimes, and so fucking handsome.

“Plus it’s kind of hilarious watching her follow you around like a dog and you have to deal with it because you know Miss Peregrine would get you in trouble for being mean, and your soft spot of kids doesn’t help considering she’s a bit younger than us”. Enoch was clearly trying to keep an annoyed and grumpy expression on his face, his arms crossed over his chest, trying to keep a scowl on his face but ultimately failed when a small snicker came out.

The sight of olive following him around almost like a lost dog was actually quite funny as you said. He looked down at you as you laid on your back next to him “I do not have a soft spot for children.” He muttered in a grumpy voice, that was very much not convincing, you snicked at his extremely obvious lie. Looking up at him thought your eyelashes to make eye contact with him, he looked almost to handsome in the sliver of moonlight coming through your curtains, his short black loose curls still perfectly in place like they always were, his brown eyes that looked almost black from far away but in the light they looked like pools of honey.

“Ya I totally and completely believe you Enoch, you just simply want to dressing up as a fairy princess with Clair and Bronwyn and let them cover you in lipstick and eyeshadows, totally believe you”, you say with sarcasm and laughter in my voice, trying not to burst out laughing at Enoch’s attempt to keep his grumpy personality in tact around me.

He always seemed to smile more around you than most people, and god was his smile the most gorgeous thing you’d ever seen in a long time. Enoch tried his best to look even more grumpy and annoyed but a small smile tugging up the corner of his lips at your sarcastic remark, the memory of you walking in on him dressed in a pretty pink princess dress that Bron and Clair had forced on him popped into his mind.

“I only let them do that because they threatened to cover my room in glitter in my sleep if I didn’t let them dress me up..”, he grumbled defensively, crossing his arms over his chest, not wanting to admit that he had almost enjoyed it a bit. “We both know Bron is too sweet to do that, and Clair is basically the closest thing we have to an angel on earth. You keep telling yourself you had to though sweetheart-” You were laughing so hard tears start streaming down my face, you cover your face with a pillow so you hopefully don’t wake up anyone in the house with the sound of your cackling, you role over on your side facing Enoch from your stomach cramping from pure laughter and barely being able to breath without wheezing.

“God I missed hanging out with you like this”, you say trying to catch your breath and wiping your tears away. Enoch’s small smile only grew wider as he watched you laughing so hard that you couldn’t even breathe properly, the sight of your tears rolling down your cheeks combined with the nickname you had accidentally called him made his heart pound loudly in his chest.

“Yeah me too.. even if you’re completely insufferable most of the time” He joked, trying to hide how affected he was by you calling him ‘sweetheart’. “Oh hush you know you love me, you’d be so incredibly bored without me Enoch”, slight flirting had always been common in your friendship, especially on your side, you’d flirt with him naturally and then have to cover it as a joke so he wouldn’t know you’ve had a crush on him basically since you met.

Enoch was painfully aware of the way you’d often flirt with him, knowing it was all just a joke but he always secretly wondered if there was any truth to your flirtations “Me? Bored without you? I think it’d be way more fun around here without your annoying ass to bug me”, he teased in return, trying to act like the idea of you not around anymore didn’t terrify him.

You were suddenly feeling confident, most likely from the lack of sleep but it’s all the same, considering if maybe you should test if he feels the same for you, “Oh ya and you totally wouldn’t miss me at all, you know Clair tells me what you say about me right?”

Clair has never told you anything about what Enoch said about you before, but it’s a good way to see if he talks about you.Enoch felt like he just might have a heart attack from how fast his heart sped up in his chest, going from the usual pace to almost knocking against his ribs, the thought of you potentially finding out what he’s said about you made him feel like he was drowning.

“…what the hell has she been saying?”

He tried to play ignorant, keeping as stoic and unbothered look on his face as he could even though he was panicking inside, which was made evident by his accent getting thicker in the question. Liking the reaction he gave, you decided to mess with him a bit more, thinking of something that could get a bit more information out of him.

“Oh just that your hopelessly in love with me and she heard you talking about me in your sleep because her room is right next to yours”, you choke back the laughter that rises in your throat, she had told you he was talking about you in his sleep but nothing other than that.

If Enoch thought his heart was going fast before it was absolutely hammering in his chest now, it felt like it might explode from the sheer force of it. Panic rising in his throat as you joked about the possibility of him being in love with you, “what.” He exclaim almost incredulously, trying to fight against the redness that was spreading of his face, He couldn’t let you know how flustered and embarrassed he was.

You were a bit surprised at his reaction, except him to say something like her making up stories and not listening to her, but it was almost like he had said those things you joked about. Feeling a tab bit more confident you maneuvered yourself so you was now sitting up facing him. “Honestly I’m just glad Emma hasn’t reported back to you on what I’ve said about you, I’d be done for”, you chuckled out of nervousness and try to push down the anxiety growing in my stomach, what I was saying was risky. Thankfully if this interaction went south I could play it off as a joke.

Enoch’s heart was so loud it thumped in his ears, feeling a new rush of anxiety go through him as you confirmed that you thought about him in a similar way. Trying to act nonchalant, he let out a scoff and leaned back against your bed frame more “And what have you been saying about me? That I’m annoying? Cocky? That I’m way too handsome for my own good..?” He added the last part, looking for confirmation that you found him attractive.

you moved so your top half was now laying over his outstretched legs, a small blush rising to your face as you looked into his eyes once more. “I mean…that last part isn’t to far off from what I’ve said” You smile looked back on the many memories you have of Emma and you in her room, you going on and on about your massive crush on Enoch and her ranting about her crush on Jake.

Enoch’s breath hitched at the feeling of your top half laying across his legs, a new rush of excitement going through him. He swallowed back any nerves he had and tried to act a little arrogant and cocky, “Good to know you think I’m attractive.” He smirked, his heart pounding hard in his chest still, he was terrified and excited at the same time.

Deciding to take this flirting a step further, you move my hand to his arms that are loosely crossed over his chest, tucking your frankly small hand to his between his arms and tug his right arm towards you. Moving his hand so he was now holding your face, almost completely unable to look away from his eyes and before you could think you said, “Do you think I’m attractive?”

Enoch’s breath stuttered in his chest, his hand holding your face still as he looked down at you, the sight of you looking up at him through your eyelashes sent a thrill through him. He tried to continue his cocky nonchalant tone. Trying not to focus on how close you were to him, “Do you even need to ask? You’re the prettiest girl here, of course I think you’re attractive.”

Your eyes went wide and your confident demeanor dissolved at his words. A bright red blush spreading over your neck, face, and tips of my ears, shifting your gaze away from his now not have to the guts to flirt with him so straightforward. Butterflies filled your stomach in excitement and nervousness.

“Thank you… That means a lot coming from the most attractive guy on the island…”, your voice was barely a whistle for the last part of what you said, almost all confidence lost from your body.

Enoch felt a rush of pride go through him at your words, the confident smile returning to his face almost instantly. He had always been told he was attractive by girls in the past but when you said it, it meant so much more to him. He felt his body relax as the confidence returned to him, the sight of you suddenly so shy and nervous making him feel more in control, “I know I am, it’s quite obvious actually.” He jokes, not being able to resist a chance to show off his cocky and arrogant side, you laugh and roll my eyes at his joke, you’d always loved his sense of humor, “Oh shut up before I kiss you.”

You’d said it without thinking, almost immediately regretted what you just said a bit. You’d had the urge to kiss him since he come into my room and sat on the bed, if you didn’t care about anything you’d be making out with him by now.

Enoch had been in the middle of some smart-ass reply but he froze at your comment, the thought of kissing you making his brain go totally blank. His eyes widened and his cheeks coloured a soft red at the thought of you kissing him and the image of you straddling his lap crossed his mind, making his heart flutter in his chest. He could no longer resist the urge to tease you.

“And what if I want you to kiss me?”

“Don’t tease me Enoch, It’s cruel” you said with tinge of nervousness lashing my voice, you hadn’t kissed anyone in about 2 years but god did you want to kiss him.

The desire in your voice did not go unnoticed by Enoch, setting of a new wave of emotions in his chest, he’d never heard you sound like that before and it made his heart beat faster than he thought possible. He continued to look into. Your eyes, seeing the mixture of nervousness and desire on your face and feeling it echoed in his own chest.

“Oh yeah? Then do it.”

He challenged, his voice getting gruffer and his accent getting thicker, watching your reaction to make sure you weren’t uncomfortable. Without thinking you grabbed the collar of the sleep shirt he wore and pulled his face down to yours, your lips met and it felt like your body was lit on fire. Your lips fit perfectly together as you stayed there just savoring the moment for a while, your lips moving perfectly in sync.

Enoch let out a small sigh, his mind going blank as your lips met. Every thought was gone as you kissed. You lips against his felt like nothing he’d ever experienced before, like something straight out of a fairytale. He pulled your face closer to his as he kissed you, wanting you to be close as possible to him, wanting to hold you as if he was afraid you’d disappear from him.

You parted for a second and moved to sit on his lap, straddling him. Kissing him again and his hands moved to your waist, a soft groan falling from your mouth and being muffled by his. You moved the hand that wasn’t holding his shirt collar to his hair, threading your fingers through it and feeling the inky black strands between your fingers.

Enoch groaned as you moved to sit in his lap, his hands grabbing onto your hips, his hands gripping at your skin, the feeling of you in his lap making him feel strangely feral. Feeling your fingers in his hair cause another sound to come from the back of his throat, his lips left yours as he started to leave a trail of kisses down your neck, you let out a small gasp and soft moan at the feeling of his lips on your neck, before you know it he’s sucking marks on to your skin. Your hands move to the back of his neck and head, playing with his hair as he leaves love bites and hickeys across your neck.

Feeling your hands in his hair, your nails digging into his skin and the small sounds falling from your lips made him feel like he was drowning but in the best possible way. The sound of you moaning his name quietly only encouraged him to keep sucking and biting your neck, all he wanted was to hear more of you.

Three hours go by, next thing you know you are both naked under the covers of your bed, sweaty, exhausted, and completely euphoric. The sun is starting to just peak out over the horizon and come through a small crack in the curtains, Enoch holding you to his chest and rubbing small circles on your back while you lay there as happy as can be, “Told you, you’re hopelessly in love with me. The feeling is mutual though so I can’t really joke about it too much”.

You giggle at your own words and lean up to give him a small kiss on they jaw, Enoch chuckles and rolls his eyes at your comment, his hand sliding up and down your back as he looked down at you laying on his chest. The events that had just happened in this room over the last couple hours still felt like a dream, the feeling of you in his arms just felt so surreal. He tightened his arms around your waist, “Please, you’ve been hopelessly in love with me for months.” He jokes, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, you let out a laugh thinking about what would happen if Miss Peregrine walked in and saw the two of you like this.

“True I’ve been in love with you since we became friends. Oh god could you imagine if Miss Peregrine walked in right now? I think she’s spontaneously combust!” Laughing at the thought of her, she almost had a heart attack when we were just sitting on the bed talking about books, Enoch chuckled at the thought.

Miss Peregrine would have a field day if she walked in on us right now, the two of looking utterly disheveled and naked under the sheets. His hands continued to roam all over your back, never getting tired of the feeling of your skin under his hands, “She’d have me banned from your room in an instant. And we both know you’d never get a moments peace from all of her questions.”

“Oh good lord that’s true, she’d make me wear a fucking nuns dress for the rest of my life I bet. I’d still be too sexy for you to resist if she did though”, you say absolutely cracking up at the thought, you check the clock and see that we all have breakfast in an hour so Enoch should probably go back to his room to get fixed and look less like he just had sex for the last 3 hours.

Enoch laughs, thinking about Miss Peregrine’s reaction to finding out about the two of you together. The thought was equal parts hilarious and terrifying. His hands stopped roaming for a moment as he looked down at you, “I could never stop wanting you, no matter how ugly your clothes are” He teased before looking at the clock, groaning when he saw what time it was. “Damn. I’ve gotta get back to my room before everyone else starts waking up”.

You let out a long dramatic sigh as he gets out of bed, wishing he could stay for longer but knowing it wasn’t possible, “Ok love, I’ll see you at breakfast, I have to figure out how I’m going to cover all of these hickeys anyways.” You say groaning looking at my reflection in the small hand mirror you keep next to my bed, you had hickeys and bite marks from the top of my neck to my thighs “You’re so luck you’re hot or I would kick your ass right now, I’m so dead if anyone sees these”, you say laughing.

Enoch laughed as he watched you look at all the marks he’d left on you. The sight of you covered in love bites and hickeys that he’d given you, only made him want to climb right back into the bed and keep leaving them on you, “Oh I definitely know just how lucky I am when it comes to you. And to be fair I can’t blame myself when you look so damn good with my marks all over you”, he teased as he finished getting back into his clothes.

You blush at his comment, and then remember that you’d also left a hickey on his neck and he’d seemed to not notice it. He comes over and gives you a kiss on the forehead before kissing you on the lips and quietly leaving your room, giggling as you watch him leave before getting out of bed myself, putting on a comfortable knee length dark blue dress and trying to cover the hickeys on your neck with makeup.

Enoch quietly closes the door behind himself as he leaves and starts quickly walking back to his room, knowing that he needed to hurry and fix himself so he doesn’t risk being seen by anyone. The taste of you still on his lips, the sensation of you still burning on his skin. The walk back to his room felt like both the quickest and slowest walk he’d ever taken in his life. By the time he got back to his room he couldn’t help smile to himself as he remembered spending the last few hours with you.

[shelleysmary]

lots of fans have made valid points and written well-thought-out posts about the trop ai drama, so i'm not gonna rehash them, but i do want to bring up something that no one seems to be talking about and it's the impulse that leads people to plug these things into ai generators in the first place.

fandom over the last year especially has become increasingly toxic to the point that actual billion-dollar corporations are afraid it. the result is subpar, pandering films, books, and television shows that break no new ground, recycle old tropes, and sacrifice story integrity to avoid catching heat from the loudest, most entitled people in the room. i'm calling this an issue of entitlement first and foremost because the idea that the audience should have any say over a non-crowd-created media project is preposterous. deciding that the cons outweigh the pros of watching something and choosing to walk away without making a fuss is a lost discipline now because everyone with an internet connection and a social media account believes that their vision reigns supreme. "how dare this show downplay my favorite ship! they were supposed to kiss! that was the whole point! the absence of this one thing i had on my wishlist is a crime against me personally!" so they turn to ai and click some buttons and now these gifs exist and are being circulated with an air of "i've righted a wrong." worse, the use of ai in this way is being conflated with the creation of fanworks???

there are reasons why i don't believe the ai saurondiel kiss is on the same raft as, say, making them kiss in a drawing or a published fanfic, but my main concern is with the spirit behind each. fanworks are made in homage to the source material, even the fix-it fics. there is an acknowledgment, a separation even, between the television show and the fanwork. this separation is necessary and i would say even integral to the nature of fan creation, while ai closes that gap until it no longer exists. the elimination of space between creator and audience also happens on social media, when disgruntled fans who have taken umbrage with a fictional character or creative decision directly harass the writers or the actors involved. more and more, fans are demanding to be in the rooms, in the minds, and to exert control over the people who tell their stories, and it has only ever worked to our collective detriment. now i'm not saying that if you liked and shared the saurondiel ai kiss that you're the same as the internet trolls who harass (mostly) women and people of color online. but i'm begging you to do some self-reflection and ask yourself why you feel entitled to seeing what you want on your screen.

what has changed in the last few years that would make you dissatisfied with, say, reading someone's fic or making your own drawing? is it a matter of "the tool is there, so why not use it?" is it "i believe it should have happened and it didn't and i feel cheated?" or maybe there's been a pattern you've noticed in your recent media "consumption" (god, i hate that word) where, unless a show or television series goes the exact way you want it to, it feels like you've been defrauded somehow? i'm not being facetious. i'm inviting you to notice that what you're feeling is probably discomfort, disappointment, maybe even cognitive dissonance because you imagined it going one way, and now you're at a loss because it didn't. you built it up in your head, you had something to look forward to, you were convinced that it would happen, it was exciting and you were so eager to get to that point, and then.... and then...

we've all been there. and it sucks. but i also want to remind you of how important it is to preserve the separation. this space is ours. the writer's room, the filming set, the editing room, those spaces are theirs. the actors' likenesses are theirs. thinking beyond trop, the separation is how we get creative works that challenge us politically, emotionally, that make us uncomfortable and tell us important truths. writers shouldn't have to - and shouldn't FULL STOP - do what we want them to do. sometimes that means knowing when to walk away, when to say "i no longer enjoy this show, i will no longer support it" or "i will continue to watch but pretend things went differently," the latter of which has been the spark that has moved so many online fans to draw, paint, write, or sew. it's a type of creation that allows "canon" and "fanon" to exist parallel to one another. moreover, the effort it takes to make anything with your own two hands, with your own time, and with your own energy increases your appreciation for the creative impulse. films and books and television stop being "products" for your "consumption" because you're aware of what goes into them, and it becomes easier to look at things you don't like or disagree with and say, "you know what, i'm gonna pass," or "not in my headcanon."

oh, and by the way plugging things into an ai generator? is theft. the same way that it's generally frowned upon for people to use ai to, say, write the rest of an unfinished fic without the express permission of the fanwork creator, using the actors' likenesses to make them kiss goes against everything the actors' union fought for last year. i'll also add that it's incredibly creepy. almost all of us are in agreement that intimacy coordinators are a good thing because they act - again! - as a separation between what's "real" and what isn't, the same way going on ao3 and reading a fic that very clearly says on the tin that it's a fanfic, unaffiliated with the official ip, is a separation. it's another beast entirely to normalize fan-use of ai, to say you support creatives, support actors, support unions, and then do this in your personal life. i repeat the question: what impulse leads anyone to believe that this is okay other than a feeling of misplaced ownership?

tl;dr: ai nonsense does not belong in fandom spaces. (in my home state of california, it is illegal to use digital replicas of an actor's voice or likeness in place of their actual services without their informed consent [which, in spirit, is what you're doing by using ai to make your gifs]). we all just need to mind our own business and go back to writing our fix-it fics and complaining to our friends in relative peace. if you're finding it impossible to do so, ask yourself why. remember that fanart is our longstanding tradition. stop outsourcing it to an unregulated technology just because your two faves didn't kiss.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Things from the ruin dlc that keep me up at night.

Spoilers under the cut.

SERIOUSLY DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE AVOIDING SPOILERS.

Disclaimer: I wrote this before I had seen Everything the DLC has to offer or all the endings yet. I was on the wrong track, but I think my cooking before I knew everything was good cooking. I have more concrete theories now under #danachan's rants

Something that I was 100% right about that I was going to write into Lofi eventually.... But I guess I'll talk about it now since the dlc confirmed it.

But Balloon Boy world was literally Eclipses cage as I suspected. It was suppressing them. It wasn't an evil arcade or Eclipse was living in there. Eclipse's AI was being suppressed in the arcade cabinet.

Eclipse is how they talk to eachother, and Eclipse was asleep and completely blocked off from the Virus. So Sun and Moon had no communication with eachother anymore. Which is why they were both so stressed and lost.

I was astounded I got that completely correct in regards to what Eclipse is, and what the balloon boy game is.

(the dlc does not explain the Dcas weird connection to Vanessa and why the arcade cabinet was in Afton's boss fight room though)

Bonus points Moon talks exactly how I write him when speaking about the Sun and the Moon.

Another thing that has been mind-blowing me that all the comic book endings are scenarios that GREGORY DREW.

And according to the dlc....

The Afton Burntrap Blob ending is another one of those endings that he drew.

Which means Peepaw Afton and the Blob were never real in the first place.

Which is why no one could really figure out what the blob is.

It doesn't exist.

Princess Quest ending was the canon ending.

Vanessa leaving the Pizzaplex with Gregory is the canon ending.

The ending where you fight Afton in the basement.... Never happened and was just Gregory attempting to make sense of the FNAF lore that Vanessa probably explained to him. Since in the DLC, we do find a book about Fazbear History in Vanny's room.

I honestly don't know if Steel Wool retroactively made Burntrap non-canon due to everyone making fun of him, not taking him seriously and hating the blob, or if this was always the case. Because despite the Afton ending being the hardest to get.... It's still a two star ending.

So it's hard and too early for me to tell if I want to give them points for that soft retcon. I mean I don't blame them honestly.

But yeah. Skeleton man Afton in the basement and his best friend the Blob isn't actually real, and neither is Freddy's "I am not me" speech either.... Which honestly makes sense. Because it's all Gregory's comic book trying to make sense of FNAF Lore he doesn't understand.

Also, I can say definitively, and finally, Afton is not the Mimic. Glitchtrap exists as its own entity in this, and the Mimic seems to have its own agenda. It's unclear if Afton is possessing the Mimic via virus corruption, but for now, I believe the Mimic is acting of its own will.

And man oh man. I feel so sorry for people who haven't been keeping up with Tales of the Pizzaplex Books.

The ending of the dlc is just really "who's Henry???" From pizzasim all over again huh....

Anyways. Those are my thoughts. I will be streaming the dlc again tomorrow. Gonna try and get a better ending, but I have a suspicion they're all sad.

[monscrow]

intro post, i guess!!!

askbox open only on weekends (when i remember lol); got too overwhelmed by spam, my apologies.

last updated 10/feb/2025

⚠️flash warning for blinkies at the bottom⚠️

free gaza, free palestine, stop genocide. you don't agree? block me.

i go by mons, crow and vic/víctor!!

my pronouns are they/them, he/him and any neos/xenos that you think would fit either comedically or off of vibes.

lvl 16, so, a minor !! beware

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timezone is cst/utc-6.

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i love interacting!! feel free to tag me in stuff, send some asks (be it on anon or not), or message me! moots can ask for my discord even if we've never actually talked before. though i suck at keeping consistent; nothing personal i promise</3 /gen

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some tags you might see me use here and there:

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→ mcr (+ most of the members' solo projects)

→ killjoys (california + national anthem, but mainly calif and fanon)

→ demolition lovers lore (i have literally written like at least three different essays about it for school help me i'm so serious)

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→ fnaf (bonnie fnaf they could never make me hate you)

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→ australian shepherds

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→ linguistics + conlangs

→ fantasy in general (high fantasy, magic, vampires, tieflings, you name it)

→ boardgames

→ the count of monte cristo (book + 2024 movie)

→ webfishing :3

→ uhhhh there's more but i don't remember rn, i'll keep adding as i see fit (probably... maybe..... perhaps....... quizás........ puede ser..........)

dni

trump supporters, terfs, transphobes, anti lgbtqia+/queerphobics, exclusionists, ableists, racists, prolifers/antichoicers, proshippers/anti-antis, irl gore, pro-israel/zionists, pro-ai generated "content", pro-nft, non-critical media consumers, classists, ed blogs, sh blogs.

also, i'm aware that dnis tend to not be effective and i probably will still get shitty ppl in my inbox so i can and will block. though i'm p chill as long as you're chill. this blog is run by a very neurodivergent, mentally ill, mexican, transmasc, aroace faggot, and any kind of bigoted hatred will not be tolerated.

blinkies made with blinkies cafe !!!

pssst btw, before you go, if you read my intro post i'd heavily encourage you to like it, so i can know!!! :] (/nf though!)

[ashsirens]

Now that Oshi No Ko is over and the fandom is slowly starting to die down, here are three of my controversial opinions:

Aqua's ending is no surprise.

I know many were disappointed with Aqua's ending, but honestly it didn't really surprise me. I've seen a lot of revenge plots in the media, so when Aqua said he wanted to avenge Ai in episode 1, I immediately understood how this story was going to end.

Also, there were some foreshadowings in the season 1 ending and in some manga panels that showed how Aqua would end up. Of course, that doesn't mean the ending is well written, I just mean that the ending wasn't completely unexpected.

However, it remains cliché with the sadness pushed to the extreme that it is difficult to feel bad for the characters.

Kana's stans ruined her character for me.

Long story short, I knew a bit about ONK's plot before watching the anime via TikTok edits. I knew there was a love triangle and that Kana was the most popular character, but when I looked at edits about the other girls, especially Akane and Ruby's edits, there wasn't a single comment that said "Kana is better".

Then I watched season 1 and honestly her character didn't really appeal to me. Even after finishing the entire series, I never understood what was so great about her, other than the fact that her abandonment issues and insecurities were relatable.

The more I looked at the fandom, the more I felt like this Kana hype was cult-like. In fact, Kana fans on Twitter and TikTok are the biggest condescending gaslighters I've ever seen.

Always saying: "I feel like I'm the only one who likes Kana", "Kana is underrated", "She doesn't deserve all this hate", "Kana haters don't understand the story"... WHILE ABSOLUTELY NOBODY HATES KANA! On the contrary, you say a single wrong word about the best girl in ONK and you get blasted by @kanasolourfav who will write you paving stones about why you are wrong, how much he understood the story unlike you and how much Aqua loves Kana (when that is not even the subject).

This kind of behavior made me end up liking all the girls in the series except Kana. Plus, I absolutely hated how the fandom excused or even admired her despicable behavior at times.

I understand that her bitchy attitude is part of her charm, it made me laugh sometimes, but there are still times when Kana was really a bitch with a capital B for nothing.

Like that scene where she makes fun of Akane in front of the entire theater troupe. As someone who has already experienced public humiliation in front of my class, I really found that moment disgusting on Kana's part.

What I also find ironic is that Kana fans have often called Akane a pick me for imitating Ai, yet the time Kana made fun of Akane in front of everyone and bragged to Aqua that her relationship with him is special while reducing Akane's worth, is much more pick me behavior than simply imitating someone to survive on a reality show.

Because yes, today we use the term pick me to designate a woman we don't like, but the real definition of a pick me is a woman who pulls other women down so that men understand that she's better.

(if that's not pick me behavior, then I don't know what is)

In short, aside from the fact that her attitude is sometimes borderline, objectively Kana's character is interesting and relatable, but this girl really deserved a better fanbase.

In Ruby’s defense.

I know that after the reveal between Aqua and Ruby that they are Goro and Sarina, there was a massive surge of hatred for Ruby's character as she started to see Aqua in a more romantic light.

But I think many have forgotten that in her first life, Ruby died at the age of 12. Which is very young, and it is reflected in her attitude throughout the series. For example Aqua read complex books while he was still in kindergarten because he was an adult in his old life, so he has the mentality of an adult. Same thing for Ruby, need I remind you that she literally rolled around on the floor stamping her feet so that Miyako would pressure the music producer to give them a song.

Because that's what Ruby is: a child.

Also, since she was seriously ill to the point of not being able to move, her former family literally abandoned her and she found herself isolated with no one. Isolation causes great mental damage, so imagine in someone young.

With Goro being the only person who cared about her at the time, hinting that she might have a chance with him when she's 16, and promising her that he'll be her #1 supporter when she's an idol, I understand why Ruby changed her attitude when she realized that Goro was still alive through Aqua.

Ruby, in both of her lives, never grew out of childhood. Childish immaturity combined with Ai's death must not have helped her be reasonable about her feelings towards Aqua.

There's also this: a lot of people underestimated the impact Ai's death had on Ruby. Now, it's understandable because the show didn't explore Ruby's trauma as much as Aqua's, but Ruby also hadn't moved on from Ai, hence her obsession with becoming an idol. Also, Ai was the only person who gave Ruby some joy when she was lying in her hospital bed, she gave her a purpose to accomplish in life, gave her love and affection by being her daughter, she helped her surpass herself (the scene where Ai and Ruby dance together). Ruby lost all of that.

Imagine: your family abandoned you because you were sick, you died at 12 without having been able to realize your dreams, you reincarnate in the child of the idol who gave you hope when you were at your lowest but who ends up dying before your eyes, you try to find the only person who gave you affection in your life but you learned he is dead, but in fact no he is not dead he was your twin brother from the beginning, who ends up sacrificing himself to save you from your psychopathic father who wanted to kill you.

So yes it's true, we can blame Ruby for a lot of things, but I don't think she deserves so much hate, because in the end she's the one who suffered the most in this story.

[shaiis-me]

Pairing: scaramouche x gn!reader

Word count: 0.6+

Warnings:| oral fixation(reader has it), stimming?(can be taken as such), sucking on fingers, reader is stated to have sensory issues, reader is said to go into a sort of little headspace(bare with me people 🥲), modern au!

//This is based off a weird roleplay I was doing with ai last year don’t question it//

You always hated things for the way they felt, or the way they sounded, smelt, or even tasted, and if you're feeling extra sensitive the way things looked. Scaramouche’s hands though, no matter what he did they were always soft, like the porcelain of woods just always soft and smooth. Life was always hard with your oral fixation, never having something to suck or bite on, not having something cold or spicy enough. To avoid you being overstimulated or anything like it scaramouche bought things you said usually helps with it, so; lollipops, suckable candies, strong mints, just about anything spicy you liked and extra ice traps to keep stocked up with ice if ever needed.

But you just replaced the ice trays, your eating your last lollipop and you ran out of any other candies you could even possibly have same with the spicy foods and you didn’t want to tell scaramouche because he’s your boyfriend and you know him, well more like your scared of him reacting how your patents did yell at you for eating up everything for no real reason. So now you’re sitting next to him, burnt out and needing to stim but once more having nothing to stim with. You leaned on your boyfriend who was hunched over reading a book. He could tell by your sigh something was wrong to he gently patted and played with your hair before asking

“What’s wrong dove?” You exhaled long after his question before finally speaking up, “I need to stim but I’m out of everything..” he sat up, genuinely shocked “really..?” You once more burnt out, too understimulated to care you nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me I could’ve bought you more in advance..” “..whenever I told my parents they’d get mad..” scaramouche was a little offended and hurt by this, “dove I’m not your fucking parents” he said with his usually snappy tone. “Why are you yelling at me? okay, I’m sorry..” he sighed now realizing you're understimulated. He got an idea but y’all haven’t tried it before, but he doesn’t have any spare change as he needs it to help save up for a car so he can get to and from work easier. “Dove, I have an idea okay?”

You almost perked up, “hm?” He offered his fingers, the two middle ones pressed together while his pointer and pinky finger were outstretched. “Here suck on my fingers..” you blushed a bit, more so out of embarrassment than anything due to this catching you so off guard, and you’ve never sucked on anyone’s fingers. You stampered to get your response out so he rolled his eyes and sighed. “Just suck.. I don’t care.. do what you need to to feel better..” you blinked before taking his two middle fingers in your mouth and starting to suck on them. The sanded wood of his fingers made it so that they were just right for you and your texture sensitivity. From this point on he just continued reading, almost as if you weren’t sucking on his fingers as a means to stim. After a few minutes you laid on his lap and continued your autistic behavior and your boyfriend didn’t mind at all, once every few minutes he’d kiss your head and continue wherever he left off before he finally asked.

“You okay little dove” you were in a smaller headspace due to feeling safe, and due to work you haven’t done it in who knows how long. It did take scaramouche a minute but when he realized he kept quiet and let you do you, it’s not often you get to do this for yourself. You soon fell asleep and once he was done and you stopped sucking on his fingers he eased you into y’all’s shared bed and tucked you in before joining you, kissing your head and cuddling you.

[yuseirra]

oh.. So I just found 16 IS the final volume good god... So that volume would have both my favorite chapter of this series and the worst chapter(s) of ANY PIECE OF MEDIA I'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED(this is a personal take) in the same book oh god no....I thought it'd be separated into two volumes, there is no hecking way I ever want to set my eyes on the later chapters of this series, it feels so terrible!!! I was thinking I have to look up some reference to draw that fan comic series I'm drawing because there is a character design I need reference of (yes.. Sarina in 163) but I have to brace myself for even that. The later chapters hurt. It's made me suffer but in a very hollow and meaningless way for me, things felt very unnecessarily cruel. I hated it.

I was; thinking of buying the one w 154 in it and making it my last(I have all the physical copies so far) but goodness.. Hahaha

I bet the author knew splitting the later chapters as separate volumes would be bad on the sales. I get that, but this is the worst!!! I learned the existence of 166.5 too and hahah, I only happen to read the outline but it's so bad...omg akane's into occult??? What.?? I'm glad Kana went to hollywood but seriously??? Is this a joke? and Well I'm glad Ai's not there, glad she's not ruined, I'm actually pretty sure my.. What I've been making out of this series could be better in some aspects, oh I'm ACTUALLY relieved they don't discuss my favs in the added content too! What a relief!!

This comic is, I'm so sorry to say this, but it's so dumb!!! And rude!! Goodness!! Ugh!! Oh I'm.. I..; I'll def give at least a few characters from this series some sort of better closure in my fanwork, I sound so entitled rn I'm sure but, it's TERRIBLE... The original piece is badly written!! Wow, this series had the most ugliest and unfulfilling ending I've ever seen and I'm really sad about that. I devoted a lot of my passion and time and love thinking about it. I wonder what the author has on their mind but l'm sure they know what reception their work would have, it's not their first work either.

I felt really distressed reading the final few chapters of this piece but maybe it wasn't even worth feeling that grief over, I felt really distressed. It actually hurt;;;because it handled a lot of these emotional pain and certain subjects really bad. Things felt so helpless and awkward, I've never been this disappointed about something I read and that is a lot because I had a lot of let-downs. But maybe it wasn't even worth clutching my head over trying to make sense and devote my efforts into deciphering and analyzing things after all. But oh I'm so glad they don't discuss anything about Hikaru and Ai even in the added content in the volume(seems like it?) They don't- I'm sure the writer holds a lot of love towards Ai, I think she's the best written character in this piece(look what happened to Aqua; I can't even say he's written so well anymore and I liked him a lot before the final arc!!)-give them ANY justice

I can chill and do whatever I want w them now omg, idk about Ai but I think I can write Hikaru better, how are they even going to make the anime's third season with this mess I can't???;

I actually wanted a physical print of 154 but I don't want to have those later chapters on my shelf, it feels terrible to read them. It's just unnecessarily painful and it got engraved to my brain in the worst ways, I just don't know why the author would do that, I wanted to love their piece so I kept hanging by and it was so ugly.

This is a very personal take and I know it sounds emotional and all and you may not agree with me!! but I feel this way upon having learned these things. Incredible.

I'm so conflicted. I did want 154 but am I going to risk getting the book for the sake of it. The cons are way too strong. Hikaru I'm so sorry for what they formed of you as a character, the writer ditched you. I don't blame the artist, I blame the writer. The art IS good. It's ridiculous, but maybe it's safer that way. I hope they don't have anything to do with that character ever again, and Ai as well. I'm thankful they weren't ruined any further. Not in a sarcastic way, I'm sincerely relieved. What a piece this is.

[khaoala]

Started off the episode with mays terrible parents 😠 (I’m smad at the mom. Mad that she won’t defend May or stand up to her husband and sad because she is probably scared af of him. Divorce that man asap!)

Young May: How can someone be hurt emotionally?

Mays dad: hold my beer 😈

Hate that man with a burning passion!

Thankfully we quickly moved past that and onto the oonmay camping date. May struggling to remember that she’s supposed to be completely blind, the pluto necklace 😭, SEX IN THE CAMPER VAN 🫦🫦🫦. Oom’s twin senses were tingling so hard during that scene that she ended up waking up from her coma AND IMMEDIATELY LOOKING FOR MAY BECAUSE SHE ONLY REMEMBERS HER AND NOT PAUL!?!? Oy vey 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Ai seemed completely heartbroken right after she spoke with her grandma but it doesn’t seem to be stopping her since we see her texting May about cashing in for her reward while her sister IS RIGHT BEHIND HER. Bold Ai, very bold. and then AND THEN… the back to back reveals had me BOUNCING ON MY BED!!! Ai finding out may was the attorney who defended the guy who caused Ben to be paralyzed AND THEN IMMEDIATELY FINDING OUT THAT KOSAL WAS THE ONE WHO CAUSED MAY TO GO BLIND ALL BECAUSE Ai MADE SOME OFFHANDED THREAT OUT OF ANGER!!!!!

The repeated “i love her”s while breaking down had me breaking down 😭😭😭😭.

PinPangJan…

I totally understand that pim needs time after her breakup before she can jump into a new relationship but GODFUCKINGDAMMIT part of me wishes she moved on as quickly as pang! You and i seem to be switching stances on the whole throuple thing. I was initially hoping for a love triangle in which each person’s feelings went both directions(the ever rare true triangle!). Here we have Pang likes Jan. Jan likes Pim. Pim is still pining for Pang. Does Jan even like Pang? Doesn’t seem like Pang ever really loved Pim. I need someone who has read the books to tell me if pim ends up happy. That’s all I need to know!!!

Some last random thoughts…

-is ton breaking HIPPA every time he gives May an update on oom?

- i find it interesting that Jan basically knew everything about May from the start but didn’t say anything!!!!

-I’m curious as to how much oom remembers. She called May her gf but also remembered that May was the attorney. I wonder if she remembers the moments after that when she realized May met and fell in love with Ai that day way back when.

I’m am so sorry about this insane amount of word vomit of all my thoughts and feelings.

-🤫

i've said this before and i'll say it again, i hope the dad dies. he's probably going to get arrested or have a quick redemption arc and ask for forgiveness for being a despicable human being, but in a perfect world, he'd end up dead in a ditch. "bibi that's so revengeful", i couldn't care less. he's abusive to his child, he's abusive to his nephew and given the mom's response to all of that, he is most definitely abusive towards her (and he know it's not only mentally, given that he didn't think twice before slapping may across the face after very reasonably questioning him). so anyway, hope he dies.

i spent my free evening playing baldur's gate 3 and when i tell you i would regularly remember the way may would sneak glances at oon… *sighs* is it yearning when they are already dating? anyway, i didn't go into the tags and none of my moots reblogged anything like it (i think), but i'm so on my way to make a gifset about that because it made me feel things.

the sex scene was so beautifully shot, too. the light and the mood and the way oon had her hair to the side and looked quite dishevelled, it was better than i could have hopped (also, here i am, yet again, even more excited about girl rules bc yes, beautiful sex scenes with feelings are always great, but i'm so ready for the messy and angry that i know all three couples will serve).

LISTEN. amnesia plots are so cliche and used to be so overly used, and it's also one of my favorite tropes for some types of fanfics, SO HOW DID I NOT THINK THAT WOULD BE A THING? OOM HIT HER HEAD FOR GOD'S SAKE. honestly, that's on me, i didn't even think of the possibility like a fool. but i was so heartbroken for oom, too, bc imagine you go through the heartbreak of finding out your gf is in love with your sister actually, and then you marry a dude you don't care about, and now you forget him, and think you're in love with your ex again! when she finds out, it'll be heartbreaking. namtan will make me cry again.

the thing about ai and oom tho, they aren't telling her about paul and may right away just to avoid her going through more traumatic stuff after surviving an i-don't-know-how-many-months coma. at least the impression i got was that they were going to tell her once she got stronger, but then, BUT THEN! the revelations about batman, and ben, and kosol come to light and i wanted to die right then and there. you can see oon's face dropping and her heart breaking with each new piece of information she gets. i wanna commend namtan again bc man, how can she cry so prettily and make me feel all of these sad things? she did so great, i love her acting. i love the way she plays oom and say "pls forgive may, for me". i love how in love she looks whenever she's with may. how fond of her sister and her grandma she looks. i love this woman.

YOU SUMMED UP THE PIMPANGJAN THING PERFECTLY (for me). here's the thing, and i think i've said this last week, too. if pang demonstrated she has ever liked pim romantically (bc even when they were together, i feel like pang was just keeping pim to fill in space), i would be fine with a possible throuple. but pang has no interest whatsoever in pim, while pim can't forget pang, and poor jan is in this crossfire, bc she's respecting pim's decision to not get involved with her, but i don't think she's romantically into pang, either. it'll be great if they all kiss. i can't wait to finally add earn to the girl kissers list i have, and add two names to her tab, BUT STILL!!

to be fair, ton has been lying left and right to cover may, so i don't think he's too worried about patient confidentiality. he's an ally helping out his poor lesbian cousin get the girl, we can forgive him.

i was already suspicious that jan knew everything. watching back, it's so clear that oom was trying to set oon and may up, and bc jan is oom's best friend, i can only imagine all the things they've talked about and how much jan must have comforted her friend after the revelation about may's true affections.

i think oom has a selective memory loss thing going on. as in she forgot all the most traumatic things that have happened in the past year and regressed. even tho i wish oom would make things messier, i think she'll get her memories back on her own soon-ish. i do wonder what type of ending she'll get bc i must say, i'm an oom apologist, and i need her to somehow get a cute girlfriend who loves her for her too.

[electricpants57]

book review: i have no mouth and i must scream

recently, i decided to delve into the silly world of sci-fi and when looking through things i should read i came across "i have no mouth and i must scream" by harlan ellison.

it is a short story about an AI who went rogue and killed the entire human population aside from 5 people to torture relentlessly.

it's a pretty good book. i adore how you could really feel how much AM hated the five, not just through his words but also through his actions. i love how his motives are understandable, and you can sympathize with him, but then again his actions are irredeemable and are the most evil thing any character in fiction has ever done to humans.

i also love how the book goes into detail about ted's relationship with the other five, especially ellen. it is said that he and ellen have a sexual relationship, but it is possible that he genuinely loved ellen outside of her body. that's why it was all the more sadder when he had to kill ellen and make a big sacrifice, which angered AM to torture him worse than he had been tortured when the others were still alive.

the story is told beautifully, and the wording is excellent. you could really imagine and feel the pain the five were feeling, alongside ted's feelings about the other five (and ellen in particular.) it's a very good way of storytelling, and the plot (and character of AM) is nothing like i have ever seen before. it's very unique, which i LOVE, and the ending being bittersweet always gets to me. i adore bittersweet endings.

i also read the comic adaptation, listened to the audiobook, and listened to the radio drama, though i have yet to play the game. i just want to say that ellison's voice acting for AM is immeasurable! i really love the way he captured AM's rage and hatred for humans, and it just felt all the more real, plus, he sounds like he was having lots of fun anyway. the comic adaptation is beautifully illustrated, though i wasn't a big fan of how they made ted SAY the stuff instead of simply thinking it, but it wasn't an issue since the designs and visuals were just immaculate.

TL;DR it's an excellent book, and i definitely reccommend it. 10/10!

NEXT UP: All Tomorrows by C. M. Kösemen

[calaisreno]

Fic Writer Meme

The end of another year is approaching, and it's time for another self-assessment. Thank you, @lisbeth-kk for tagging me in the Fic Writer Meme! 💕

How many works do you have on ao3?

162

What's your total word count?

2,204,060 😊

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Synchronicity, A Chronic Condition, Date Night, The Wedding Gift, Blank Slate

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Yes! Comments are gold. I always reply, even if it's just to thank the commenter.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I've written two tagged "Major Character Death" and a couple more that were tagged "Chose Not to Use Warnings."

Below Zero / The New Gardener / Learning the Heart / The Real You

These are pretty angsty, but I find it much worse when there is unrequited/unresolved love at the end, and I don't write that.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

All of them are happy! Well, I think so.

The happiest might be The Short Tragic Death of John Watson. I pulled out all the stops on that one, made the ending completely cheesy, total wish fulfillment.

Do you write crossovers?

I've written two Good Omens crossovers: Limbo / Hell and Back

One Raffles crossover: Swap

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, just some grumpy comments.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It isn't my strong suit, so I don't do hardcore smutty scenes. Vanilla, not kinky. Most of my stories are rated T or M.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

How would I know?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Almost all of my short fiction has been translated into Russian, a few into Chinese. I feel very lucky to have such dedicated translators. Special thanks to Little_Unicorn.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I'm not sure I'd be an ideal collaborator, being rather set in my own way of writing.

I have read beta on a macro level for a couple writers, and had a few do the same for me. Collaboration on the talking level is good, and I'm always open to that.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

Sherlock and John, in any iteration.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

The Secret of Agra - four years in the making, my oldest WIP. I think I actually can finish it, and am moving in that direction, but still waiting for inspiration in a couple of areas.

Another one, The Sibylline Book, is languishing because I keep putting it off. Very plotty and I don't always have the brain for that. It too will be written!

What are your writing strengths?

General language skills: I have a good vocabulary and know my comma rules.

Plotting: readers often admire this, and I do put a lot of effort into it, so I'm glad to have that positive feedback.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Impatience. I skip the boring parts and call it minimalism.

Once I would have said that my writing is too sentimental, but with fanfiction, that is not possible. 😉

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I have done that, but only for languages I've studied, or at least dabbled in. And usually only for a sentence or two. If it's longer than that, it's something readers will just skip over.

Public Service Announcement: Online translators are often wrong. AI does not solve that problem.

An offer: my degree is in classical languages, so if anyone ever wants a Latin translation of something, I am happy to be asked. Please: do not use an online translator for Latin, even just for a title. The grammar does not lend itself to AI translation. Ask a person who has studied Latin. (Ask me!)

Proof; just google it: Bad Latin Tattoos

I might say that about modern languages, too. Unless it's a hello-how are you conversation, ask a native speaker, just to be sure. There are many on AO3!

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek. Please don't ask. We all do silly things when we're thirteen.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I read in a few fandoms besides Sherlock, but writing in a fandom requires a lot of background knowledge I don't have. It is a labour of love to know a fandom well enough to write in it convincingly.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

The Last Envoy.

Like most writers, I write the things I want to read, so I don't like choosing favorites.

This one is special to me, though. It was inspired by a few things, but the ideas and world-building are all my own. I'm glad I wrote it, and that so many people love it.

I'm not sure who all has been tagged, and it seems like tags aren't working for me today, please join in if you want to! No pressure. 💕

[serenity-black]

Thanks to @sazzyfics for the tag!

Getting To Know You

Last Song: 'Tiktok Baby' by OCT (On Company Time) only on YouTube at the moment but coming to Spotify I think. Bopping to keep from crying that they are taking my favorite app from me T.T

Last Podcast: Have you heard about the hit podcast Distractable?! Mark, Bob, and Wade sitting around just being them and competing for points lol Its fun and can be informative.

Last Book: I have a few answers here!

Physical Book- Gothikana by RuNyx (don't bother. AI cover and it feels AI written. It was a gift, I didn't buy it.)

Audio Book: A Court of Silver Flames (My bestie wanted me to read them. Probably my fave book of the lot of them.)

Kindle: Pretty Lies: Chasing Anna by Pamela Murdaugh-Smith (good little romance read that isn't super long. Truly suggest giving it a read!)

Last Movie: 'SLC Punk' (It was SO GOOD. I cried T.T)

Last TV Show: Dexter: Original Sin (Don't lie, give been dying to watch this and I'm happy with how it's going. I hate having to wait each week though xD)

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: All of the above? I'm a big mixer of tastes and I LOVE spicy stuff. I am trying to do less sweet, but savory meat dishes have me in a choke-hold akin to Aziraphale trying Ox-rib for the first time. *Ugh* I can fuck up some BBQ lol

Favorite Color: Black. It's nearly the only thing I wear in all values from very very dark to so light it's practically gray.

Most Recent Research: Gathering information on how science says the universe was formed starting at a molecular level and moving upward... (this is for a Good Omens fic that sees the universe created through the eyes of God and melds science, religion, and theology.)

Current Obsession: Good Omens which lead into me searching how the Universe was made and how that has lead to me believing that that move was a very poor idea xD

Looking Forward to: compiling all of this information into a long fanfiction about Good Omens so that I can be free of this thought weedling away at my brain lol

People I'd like to know better:

@lavendermoonlitskies and @gleafer

[paintedbutton]

2024 Recap Tag

@writernopal tagged me in this, and it came at just the right time since I didn't manage doing an actual reflection post before the end of the year (working between christmas and new years is always weird that way for me).

2024 Accomplishments

Let's start with the big one, obviously: I finished and shared Worthy of a King! I'm incredibly happy that I accomplished this. Sharing my boys with the world and having people love them as much as I do was absolutely something special. <3

Beside that, I wrote a silly little pirate story inspired by a silly little song just because I wanted to. That also feels like it matters a lot.

I managed to figure out the vague shape the Queen's Guard series is going to take. I always said it was gonna be somewhat like the Paladin books by T. Kingfisher - interconnected standalones. It's not quite that, obviously, but I'm looking forward to exploring this world more.

All in all I wrote about 82k words in 2024, and that's with about 4 months that I took as planned breaks in between. I feel pretty comfortable with that number.

I also had a pretty active year, non-writing wise. So many concerts, festivals, markets, etc. This isn't in any way writing related but I feel like every year I've been chipping a way at prioritising myself and the things that make me happy more. I finally managed to get rid of a pretty big burden in my work-life that's made me breathe a lot easier. (It probably says a lot that I haven't had a crying breakdown about work this year ... for the first time. In fact, the last time I broke down crying was when I thought they wouldn't let me give up the position they forced me into. Damn.)

2025 Writing Goals

Again, the big one: Shadow of a Queen is my one serious goal for 2025. I wrote the first draft of WoaK in six months in 2023 and then took a couple months break before starting on revising it, and that felt like a pretty good workflow for me, so the goal is pretty much the same: Write draft 1 until the summer (I am probably aiming for August, here, because June and July are already packed full with other activities). See where we go after.

(Re)establish a writing routine that works for me. With the break, I've kind of fallen out of it and I'm having a bit of a hard time getting started again right now. I know I'll get there, but kicking my own ass into gear is one of the first goals I'm gonna have to achieve this year.

Figure out a writing setup that is future proof. I'm a Word girlie. I've been a Word girlie my whole life, and while I've looked into dedicated novel writing programs before (it's kind of hard not to stub your foot on Scrivener at some point in any writing community you stumble into), I've never felt the need to dive deeper. But with AI growing ever more ubiquitous (and all the big companies pushing it lbr), I at least want to give my options another look. Maybe I'll stay a Word girlie, idk. I want it to be an informed decision if I do. Tentative searches so far have turned up a whole lot of browser based bullshit that I do not want, subscription services galore, and nothing that works as a program both on Windows and Android, which I would need because I write on my tablet on the go. Related to that, I might just look into getting a refurbished laptop or something. But we'll see. If you have any recommendations for me to look into, please do send them my way.

I want to be more active on Tumblr again, and on Writeblr specifically. I go through phases with social media where mindless consumption is all I can muster, and I fucking hate it. But I love sharing my stuff and reading other peoples' and doing tag games. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.

Not exactly writing related, and a little bit silly: One of my goals for the year is to dress more like a fantasy character. Simply because it makes me happy. And, honestly, I wouldn't mind closet cosplaying my own little guys to be a part of that goal. ;)

Tagging @winterandwords , @malimaywrite and @boundedsea if you all feel like doing it. No pressure though. :)

[theromaboo]

The Ninth Day of Julius Caesar

As a person who enjoys looking at retrospective diagnoses maybe a little bit too much, I have read quite a significant amount of works regarding Julius Caesar. He is traditionally said to have had epilepsy (though we don't know for sure if it's true or not) and so many people have done medical speculation over him over the years.

However, no one's perfect!

My favourite source on this topic will always be Julius Caesar's Disease by Francesco Galassi and Hutan Ashrafian. It's a very neat book about the history of this topic and it looks at bunch of other people's theories, but mainly it argues that Caesar did not have epilepsy but transient ischemic attack. I don't like it because I hate the epilepsy theory and really like this new theory (I consider myself to be neutral in this topic because we can never know), I like it because it is the first thing I've read on this topic that actually had some common sense and wasn't making mistakes all over the place!

However, it's pretty recent, from 2015, and people writing between 2004 and 2015 couldn't use it, so they all went and used a source I don't really like.

Enter "Dictator Perpetuus: Julius Caesar—Did he have seizures? If so, what was the etiology?" by John R. Hughes.

A hint about what I dislike about this source is that it was published in a medical journal. If a retrospective diagnosis work is published in a medical journal, prepare for good medical information but bad historical information. And if it is published in a history journal, vice versa. Context matters! Everyone publishing stuff about this are either doctors or historians and usually it's easy to tell which one the writer is.

Anyway, this one... it could be worse. It's certainly not the most diabolical thing you could read in the whole retrospective diagnoses of Caesar topic (that would go to "Searching for Neurological Diseases in the Julio-Claudian Dynasty"!) but there are a few parts of it that are very poorly done. And for some reason, the only parts that had any influence at all are the poorly done parts!

In the abstract, there is one silly sentence that is the bane of my existence: "His son, Caesarion, by Queen Cleopatra, likely had seizures as a child, but the evidence is only suggestive."

The evidence is only suggestive? I didn't know that was a euphemism for "I cited a modern historical fiction novel," because that's where the evidence came from. Historical fiction!

At least Hughes is pretty honest about where his information comes from and he does say that the only source for that is historical fiction and not ancient sources. But, why put it in?

Anyway, probably from the vague wording in the abstract, it's become a common misconception that Caesarion had epilepsy. People keep saying that and citing this work but if they had actually read it, I don't think they would've been impressed or convinced. Because in the text itself, it's clear that the source is historical fiction! It's only ambiguous in the abstract.

Maybe Caesarion did have epilepsy, we don't know much about him, but there is no evidence at all because historical fiction doesn't count as evidence.

This is actually mentioned in Julius Caesar's Disease! Unfortunately I cannot find the book right now, but I remember that it basically said "I like Masters of Rome, but I don't cite it!"

The author of one of the historical fiction novels actually said in the author's note "This detail about Caesarion I made up and there is no ancient sources that support it. It's not completely impossible, but don't cite this," and guess what happened? I feel so bad for her. If I was unwillingly the cause of a misconception, either my ego would balloon or I'd run away and become a hermit.

(Did you know that once an AI plagiarized me? I was talking to a chatbot about ancient Rome and I was really agreeing with it. I was like "wow this is literally exactly what I would write about this" and then I realised that it was literally exactly what I wrote about it because the AI had stole my words! Seeing my idea somewhere else certainly made my ego ten times bigger so maybe if I start a misconception it'll have the same effect?)

What's funny is that if I had a nickle for everytime this happened (someone citing a historical fiction book in which a male teenager who had a famous father and could've been heir to him and who is a part of Roman history during the first century BC to the first century AD had a medical condition in the historical fiction novel that is not supported by any ancient source and then a bunch of people citing the person who originally cited the historical fiction book until that detail becomes a misconception), I'd have two nickles. How does this happen twice? And how it that the two historical figures are so similar too? This misconception (not the Caesarion one) made its way onto Wikipedia so that's fun!

I know this misconception isn't actually about Caesar, but Caesarion. It's somewhat relevant to Caesar so it's fine! Alright guys remember, historical fiction is not a good source. This theory about Caesarion doesn't have "suggestive" evidence, but no evidence at all.

I'm sorry that I've really been slacking with my series. And I'm sorry that today's post is probably completely unreadable (I was really struggling to make words make sense). I promise I'll finish eventually, because once I finish this series, I'll finally be free.

[etirabys]

I've been experimenting with "identifying as stupid and lazy" and it's going pretty well. This month I went to a Javascript meetup with the explicit goal of being slightly stupid there, got into an AI conversation, said a few coherent things, and then mentioned I just didn't want to put in the work into understanding e.g. transformers. Also I said as a simplification that I'd flunked out of linear algebra in college which isn't true (I got an A in linalg but flunked out of the ML course where linalg was heavily in use) but felt. WEIRDLY. pleasurable to say.

When I talked about this on Discord, one of them brought up Stupidism, which is from a good post @mark-gently made. But there's something about my wanton dignity-discarding that goes several steps further from Stupidism and feels very liberating.

Last year I read a weird... pagan?... book, Existential Kink, that invites you to notice how much of your life is shaped to bring about outcomes you supposedly hate, and how you secretly take joy in those outcomes. This seems false for the majority of things one tries to avoid, but leaning into it sure is interesting to try out! And I'm finding it is surprisingly true for "coming off as stupid".

There's something absurdly joyful/thrilling about deciding to go to a meetup and presenting as a moron. Some years ago I would have gone NOOO at the thought, and now I feel like an adrenaline junkie being invited to a new type of gambling event or weird sex thing.

I fully expect to tire of "identifying/presenting as stupid and lazy", but when I move on from it I expect to be more integrated or whatever. Less afraid of being stupid and lazy because I've just gone and done it openly.

One of the stupid things I said at the Javascript meetup was that I hate using libraries in almost full generality. I'm too lazy to read docs or troubleshoot my calls to other people's code. Someone recced me a different meetup for people who roll their own tooling, but warned me it was all male, because he knew I'd found all-male programming contexts stressful in the past.

In college I tended to not even really notice if a lab or a team was all male, because I was a top-half student and just felt totally secure about being in class. But I became phobic of it in jobs because I'm usually the worst dev in any remotely selective workplace, and being the worst dev AND the only woman sucks. I was ashamed of being bad at my job, obviously, but I was mortified at being the entity that diversity posters and mandatory trainings point at to say "if you think women are like that you are a terrible person and causing problems in society". But... I am like that. I guess for society's good I need to hide this as hard as possible?

(I solved this by going to a much less selective workplace and almost explicitly saying "I will be kind of a bad programmer, but I come cheap". I am pretty happy now.)

So, given that I got twisted up by that employment record, current me is delighted at the thought of being openly dumb at an all-male CS meetup. This wouldn't be good for the men (some of whom Want To Unlearn Sexism, etc) nor for Women In Tech, but it would be good for ME. Time to abandon class consciousness and defect on women for my own gain.

It is, well, yeah, existentially kinky to imagine going to this meetup and cheerfully asking dumb questions & occasionally responding with "I don't think I'm ever going to understand that, sorry, you should stop explaining that because I don't want to waste your time".

[hanasnx]

some updates while i’m here. i miss you! whether you’re a casual enjoyer of my blog & i see you in my notes, or my mutuals, or my followers, i’ve been thinking of you :) rare vulnerable moment i do cherish this blog and all your well wishes. thank you very much. i was right, typing is a huge strain and taking a break has been very good for my hands, so i’m going to keep at it.

some things:

don’t be afraid to keep sending me asks! they’re a great joy to me, i love seeing a notif in the inbox. i’ve gotten a fair few already that i’m excited to respond to when i can come back.

i did post a fred weasley drabble and not that i have to explain myself but i wanted to say i’ve been watching the harry potter movies. i’ve never seen them in their entirety, and the earlier ones have always been christmas movies in my house so to speak so i figured id give them a fair shot. i did read the books, and i’ve seen bits and pieces of the movies (hence my interest in fred weasley when i was a tween, but seeing him again made me wanna write for him for the first time in years)

also! a very kind anon told me earlier that my response to someone wrongfully making an ai chat bot of my content was an overreaction. it was “not that deep,” i believe was the colloquial term used. so the inherent content theft of ai invading free creative spaces is solved everyone! well done! very special thanks to the anon that let me know i was overreacting towards something i am passionate about and had a strong feeling towards! wow :) i never would’ve seen it like that. genuinely i am sorry anon that you’re ugly irl and your mommy doesn’t love you, which is why you feel like you can’t have a backbone over certain things. maybe you should stop consuming the free content creators provide on tumblr because you feel so secure in criticizing the selfless service <3 it’s giving: “im an old bigot that thinks ppl must be talentless and stupid when they work at mcdonald’s, but i’m still going to eat the food from there.” you’ve been blocked btw so you’re not offended by my use of free will when making free content on the internet for your grubby little hands to get a hold of and your smooth brain to criticize my right to share my personal opinions.

because the internet is the way it is, getting “hate” online has never really bothered me since i’ve always been a person with a large enough platform for years. it’s very easy for me to ignore and block and never answer whoever has decided to send some worthless hate message. which is probably why i almost never get hate anymore but it does happen occasionally. this was different since it wasn’t an attack on me per se, more so someone trying to admonish me for having a fair reaction towards something offensive. so i’m here to tell you it’s alright to treat strangers on the internet as strangers. you’re allowed to reinforce boundaries. you’re allowed to tell people you do not appreciate their actions towards you, and don’t leave room for argument. i am a very direct person, which means i told that person firmly that they needed to delete that ai chat bot they made of my au without my consent. and i did it without remorse. and i was told “it wasn’t that deep.” well it was. and it is. it is that deep because it’s deep to me, and i know it’s something that happens to others and it is that deep to them too. so what’s the problem in it being that deep? there is none :) let things be deep. be sincere. it is very important.

also if you make ai chat bots without creator’s consent when using their content you’re a piece of shit and doing a disservice to the very person you’re trying to exalt. take a step back and reevaluate how ai harms your interests rather than progresses them as well as the creators you claim your respect and cherish. you’re a victim of propaganda, my friend! and i prolly wouldn’t have made this post if anon hadn’t said anything. so maybe they should’ve kept their mouth shut since they didn’t wanna see shit like this so bad lmfao

now that that’s out of the way, i am sending wet fat sloppy kisses to everyone’s lips tell me when you receive them

[soaps-mohawk]

I hate that these anons are being so disrespectful towards you. Like this is literally a gift you are giving us. We as readers are not entitled to any part of you that you are not comfortable giving. People need to realize that there is an actual human being on the other side of their phone and not some fic writing machine that just magically spits out 10k words a week every week. Writing can be so exhausting and frustrating when the words aren’t wording right. You are the most important person in your life (not the shitty anons and not even the kindest of readers) so take care of yourself when you need to. We will be here whenever you’re ready ♡

Yeah, people like that have been a problem since before I was involved in fandom and fanfiction. There's always those that want us to write like machines and just put out a chapter a day, but it doesn't work like that. It's one thing if you're getting paid to write, and something else entirely when it's just a hobby. Life gets in the way, even if you are getting paid to write. Capitalism, consumerism, and AI have only made it worse. People have come to expect just a constant stream of content, but it takes time to put out good content, no matter the medium. There's no patience for quality anymore, and it's sad honestly. People would rather take a constant stream of mediocre every day instead of waiting a week or two for a masterpiece.

I'm just gonna take my time because then I know I'm putting out something I'm going to be happy with, because in the end, that's who I'm writing for. Me. I'm sharing it because I want to. If that anon is so pressed, they can go read published books, or they can just stick with the thousands and thousands of already finished fics that exist. They won't hurt my feelings if they unfollow and never read my works again. In fact, I'd prefer that.

Thank you for your support, love 💚 I appreciate it. You and everyone who have been understanding and supportive in this minor delay.