#AGONIZING. AGONY
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stay with me, you don’t need to run
#art zone#fanart#illustration#moon knight#marc spector#steven grant#moon knight episode 5#AGONIZING. AGONY#can they leave my girlfriends ALONE???#day one of trying not to add a water motif to a mk drawing#day one failed
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i said in another post i was rping loop in a multifandom rp group and i'm having a lot of fun! so much fun that i made a giant doodle sheet of loop's glitch....that i haven't even gotten to rp yet but am so excited to im getting carried away. whoops
(in the context of the group, think of glitching like in spiderverse, they don't belong in this new world/dimension so their existence rejects it. we can do whatever we want for glitches so i just made loop's that they get their humanity back. yknow. for misery whenever they unglitch and go back to being a star [thumbs up])
i think my favorite here might just be the Go there Go Into the Dark catcrumb edit lmao
#isat spoilers#in stars and time#loop isat#isat loop#isat siffrin#siffrin isat#loops agonies are so much fun to write when siffrins already in the group and like#imagine losing your humanity and guiding another version of you through time loops all while having VERY complicated feelings on him#AND JUST AS YOU DISAPPEAR ON A GOOD NOTE YOU GET ISEKAI'D AND APPARENTLY STARDUST HAS ALREADY BEEN HERE FOR 6 MONTHS#AND HE SAYS THERES NO WAY HOME ON PURPOSE AND YOU JUST GOTTA TWIDDLE YOUR THUMBS they are!!! agonized!!!#blessing and curse that siffrin was already there bc theyre both like 'i kinda hate it here BUT im relieved and upset youre here too'#'because now im not alone but damn i dont want you to hate it here too!'#uuuuuuuugHHHHHH siffrin and loop....their mutual illnesses..... IM ill......
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Do you guys think that when Dark was dying, he knew it, and became so overwhelmed by the visceral fear of his inevitable incoming death that he started desperately pleading to Alan to somehow come save him?
A forsaken creation, dying and agonized, desperately reaching out to his creator in a last ditch attempt at salvation.
A child, begging for it's parent's help, because they're scared and they don't want to die.
#I firmly believe that the fear of death can bring anyone to their knees in the right situation#To know that you are going to die is a potently terrifying thing#To be helpless to stop it to know that there's nothing that CAN stop it#is a unique sort of mental anguish that can reduce even the most powerful of people to tears and begging#Death equalizes all as it's wrapping it's jaws around our necks#There is no room for shame or dignity in such a moment#Just your raw overwhelming terror and anguish and desperation#I believe that if the blast did not kill him instantly#he languished in agony knowing that he was dying#and cried for his creator#because it was the only thing he could do#the only hope he would've had#until even that was swept away into the agonizing realization that nothing was going to save him#and he died perhaps wishing that it all hadn't gone so wrong.#animation vs animator#animator vs animation#alan becker#ava the dark lord#Guess who has a new hyperfixation whoops its me#Have some angst new fandom I've joined
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I’m going to paint you a picture of modern communication, and how it is fundamentally broken.
Let’s look at one friend. You chat pretty much everyday, and mostly talk to this person on twitter and discord, with occasional tumblr DMs. That’s three places you talk. But that’s actually not true, because you also have each other’s priv twitters and talk there as well. That’s four. Now account for, let’s say, one post reply per account per person, in addition to your DMs. That’s eight. But that’s ALSO not true, because not only do you talk in discord DMs with each other, but you’re in a friend group server as well! And you talk in those channels together! That’s nine.
This is one friend.
Now look around you. How many friends, how many mutuals are you in contact with. A few, a handful, a dozen, more? How many accounts per person do you have, how many places can you send each other posts, devolve into separate topics and conversations? How many people text you as well. Friends, family, coworkers? What do you do day to day around catching up, what IRL commitments will rip you away long enough to let the pile build again?
I can’t do it. I cannot live an actual life in the real world and balance this much interaction, it’s crushing. I reply to a friend’s post because I’m interested in the subject, I want to have a discussion! I WANT to talk about it with them, but I immediately kick myself for adding another conversation to the pile. Day by day, I ignore messages for hours on end and watch mountains pile around me, to reply en masse at the end of the night to let the cycle repeat. I wake up to six discord DMs and as I clear the third, the first replies back again.
We weren’t meant to have thirty simultaneous conversations. We weren’t. And you know in your bones that the number isn’t an exaggeration.
#hush catríona#this is essentially copy pasted from my twt last week but made a touch more coherent#iiiii spiral about this pretty regularly. i think this is the 4th or 5th time ive gone on this spiel bc its agonizing#i feel horrific guilt for ignoring messages for so long. and its absolutely voluntary. but i cant FUNCTION like this i cant DO it#i have friends where we talk Every Single Day and i LOVE them so much. so unfathomably much. but it KILLS me#hell take my roomie for example. one of my fav ppl in the world. we text- twit dm- discord dm- ig dm- reply to posts. thats five right?#i guess!!! but we also LIVE TOGETHER. i see them in real life and talk to them out loud with my voice and its still this much to add on!!!!#and i feel like nobody else talks abt this shit and it makes me feel crazy. am i the only person completely debilitated by this???#i dont want this to come across as like ‘boohoo we get it ur sooo popular’ that is NOT what this post means#i think a lot of ppl big acct or small. fandom or otherwise. talk to a dozen ppl online. and i dont get how anyone copes#this is agony. and every single time i ever make a post? its another opportunity to add to the pile#i only reply to comments on posts on twt and this is why. i cant DO it i cant keep up. i see every tag and im so grateful but i cant ever#reach out. i cant add to the pile. theyre already taller than me
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tormented but in a way that makes me cool and relatable and hot and definitely nott in a pathetic and loserly manner
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Haha. I posted fic. don’t read it.
#too embarrassed to tag wolfpants but seeing your wip snip and is legit the reason I’m xposting lol#took the anyone who sees this and wants to share to heart and tagging myself ig#And Ty solifuge once again in these notes#rest of the tags are dumb but leaving them for posterity#I truly pretend it’s a journal lmao#Ik the tenses are mess I don’t want to talk abt it#all exposition no dialogue#make Homer go crazy#Ik Ik all my sentences are too long and idk how punctuation works anymore it’s been too long since I had to care#my everything is too long p#aughhhb embarrassing shutting up#harry potter#draco malfoy#drarry#hp fanart#hpdm#hp fanfic#oh so embarrassed I’m in agony I am agonized how do y’all do this all the time#words are so much more vulnerable than images#to me#I deleted like 6 more long tags of yapping#this is miserable#I can’t believe some of y’all do this for fun#and now I’m doing it for fun#like a cult inductee#should I tag this as#wip#idk#if I had a nickel for every time I’d drawn Draco malfoy getting hit by a car#I’d have 2 nickels
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Your true beliefs are known in agony
Bangambiki Habyarimana, The Great Pearl of Wisdom
#quotes#Bangambiki Habyarimana#The Great Pearl of Wisdom#thepersonalwords#literature#life quotes#prose#lit#spilled ink#agonizing#agony#bangambiki-habyarimana#life#life-and-death#life-and-living#life-experience#life-lessons#life-philosophy#life-quote#life-quotes#real-life#real-life-drama#real-life-endings#real-life-facts#real-life-situations#real-life-struggle#source-of-life#sweet-life#the-great-pearl-of-wisdom
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Let's put the angst back into pon farr - the deeply rooted shame
#currently writing........................#picturing: What if Tuvok's bond with T'Pel makes him yearn for her through his pon farr even if he has to spend it with another person?#the shame and guilt and disgust of not only experiencing the indignity of the pon farr at all but also not spending it with T'Pel#and the horror that he'll have to (ostensibly) endure this every seven years for the next seventy#when you're suffering and probably SHOULD logically bond with another person to help you get through the fever#but the fever wails and agonizes - drowning you in the sorrow and love you've been suppressing in order to function#crushed between a rock (you're suffering even more bc you're still bonded to T'Pel) & a hard place (to break your bond with T'Pel would be#agony - it's all you have left - this pain is all you have left)
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Its so funny to see the devastating little creature update and then immediately after that seeing a classic possamble horny farcille WIP. You're the best dude 😂
All of my work is just "Putting Marcille in agony" and there's a dial that swings between "emotionally" and "sexually" depending on the hour
#asks#a little creature#in my head she is both sobbing into laios's arms as her entire world comes crashing down around her#as she reckons with the bottled up agony she has been supressing all this time via 'shes just a kid she didnt mean to hurt me'#and in another scene shes getting railed stupid in her office while catholically agonizing over if shes a bad person#for letting falin fuck her while inebriated#(as if they havent been in a loving and very sexually active relationship for at least a year and have fucked while drunk before)#ok sorry fucking off for real#hunt me down on sight if you see me posting again within the next like six hours
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layers of school and family and health issues and future planning and final exam stress aside, do you ever feel like there is a long ongoing scream inside of you that seems to have no end ha haaaa
#the ironic thing i think is that i'm sitting closest to the window rn#and i can see the boy i agonized over for seven months sitting with his girlfriend#very clearly in the reflection because they're sitting behind me :)#and no matter how loudly i play my music i can still hear them laughing together every once in a while!#he told me today that the thing he asked me to edit for him just won him a scholarship and i was like congrats!!#this IS what i've become to you! editor friend who cooks and brings snacks!#and it's like. well you don't NEED me anymore. which is a silly thought because he never did need me in the first place#(and the need to be needed is a bit... hmm.... there's a lot there i do need to examine carefully)#it's not even worth talking about boy no.2 who is kind enough to break anyone's heart lollll and who is definitely definitely#and clearly in every way definitely not interested or available or anything close to it#anyway im not in tears tonight lolll thank God i am mostly okay#but i think i need to take an early night :') clearly i am starting to be emotionally overwrought#it is not AGONY........ it is something quieter i think.
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guys. the new crowded house album is bad
#100000 agonies#well at least i feel less agonized about not knowing anyone who wants to drive 2 hours to go see them this fall#(ant with bindle smiles sadly and disappears)#jams
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aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)
#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they#they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along#if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway#poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki#g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd#i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl#but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system#hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3#berserk#berserk 1997#how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm.#gutsca#griffguts#don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her#and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing#but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik#the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh#hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist#it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i#same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're#kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters.#so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah.#(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even#though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol#time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most#important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing.#he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making#damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again.#or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human#because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)
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Fucked up how today's highest point since noon might be "cheapest option is straight up a new laptop"
#agony. it went from a maybe 200+ fix to a probably 1k+ fix what the fuuuuuck#nighty chatter#AND ive spent all afternoon driving. no lunch. fuckin awful#edit: AND ITS A FUCKING HOUR BC OF TRAFFIC. AGONIZED SCREAMING
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your username almost says "fromage" which is french for cheese. also i'm in love with your writing
good day to you
it's from agony actually 😭 tysm!
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why does minecraft roleplay make me feel the grief of a thousand suns !!!
#nothing else makes me feel as much agony as silly minecraft roleplay and it is driving me up the wall !!#so anyways hi guys. I'm feeling definitely very normal tonight#and not at all compounded with the grief of a thousand cube shaped people#ok what I don't get is that I'm mostly ok when it is just a Normal character but somehow when it is a Minecraft character#anything that happens is more agonizing and emotionally hitting??? this makes no sense brain????#potential theories: 1. We see so much downtime and build up with cubitos that we get emotionally attached to them in a way not usual#caveat to 1. Tabletop is similar to this; and tabletop characters do affect me in an emotional way but not as much as cubitos#2. Often minecraft characters do not get a full or satisfying resolution;#perhaps this makes me feel a sense of loss that scripted or structured stories do not#caveat to 2. even when they do have satisfying narrative conclusion I still feel the Agony#3. The magical power of improv#caveat to 3. tabletop again
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