#ADVICE FOR FAMILY PROBLEMS

[bunnieswithknives]

I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with

[mcflymemes]

please don't mistake silence for hatred. please don't mistake unanswered plotting messages as indifference, or a lack of enthusiasm towards you. considering the ages of most roleplayers, many of us have bills to pay, families to take care of, medical conditions to treat, appointments to make, classes to take, homes to clean, and lives to live away from the computer that are far, far more important than writing on tumblr — life has a tendency to get in the way of hobbies and fun things like this. be patient with your fellow writers. if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. of course you can set your boundaries, keep your space comfortable, and softblock whoever you wish, but do so while recognizing it's probably not hatred or apathy that keeps them from leaping into your dms with message after message. they probably love this hobby just as much as you... but sometimes life gets in the way.

[ajmonarch]

Reminder...

Loving them doesn't mean you have to tolerate the choices that hurt or dismiss you...

We all need this reminder now and then.

[bonefall]

Unrelated to the new book blurb:

do you have any tips on processing the absolute mess that is the family tree? Like, how does one put it into smaller bites for re-doing/adjusting? How does one even begin to rework it when it's such a confusing tangle?? I'm just so overwhelmed by the tree(s), and I've read the whole series (because I would love to re-work it, but FUCK).

I will be 100% earnest with you; reworking the tree from scratch as a single person is both difficult and time consuming. I have a penchant for it, and even I'm not completely done. I make my reduxed trees totally free to use so that others at least have a jumping-off point for your own "cleaner" Clans.

So my most helpful tip would probably be Don't. PLEASE take my trees and cut them, prune them, bonsai them, clean them up even more than I did, anything you'd like. I do not wish this fate on my worst enemy.

That said-- let's say you love pain as much as I do, or you just want to see how much work I put into these trees. I'll babble about my process.

This is my WIP file for the ShadowClan Family Tree. Consider this image a content warning for self-inflicted pain and suffering 💕

Uhhh and also; an ACTUAL, serious content warning. Because of the nature of them asking how to fix trees on their own, I have to talk a little about incest. It comes with the territory.

A few things to know before you start;

You will need a FUCK OFF MASSIVE monitor for this. Mine is an ASUS a little under 2 feet long-- I've tried doing this on my smaller, secondary monitor, and these trees just get too big to work on.

FamilyEcho will not cut it. You NEED an art program. You will have to do this by hand, because there is no lineage-drawing tool that can handle families this large and tangled.

You will need to decide your "rules" beforehand. How closely related are you allowing valid couples to be? Are you allowing Queen's Rights? Can you add OCs, and if so, how often? On this point-- I have my Three Strict Rules, and do not use OCs. Because of this, I do a LOT of research beforehand and usually have the wiki open as I work on these. I'm always scouring for forgotten warriors to use for this.

There are going to be multiple drafts. You will not do this in one go. That does not mean you "failed" or you're "stuck," that's a good thing.

With all of that out of the way.

Usually, the first thing I do is pick a Clan to work on. There's over 1,000 cats in this series, so I break that up by picking one group at a time. Once I do that, I draw out the canon chart.

In this case, I've already drawn out all of the canon charts. River, Thunder, Shadow, Sky, Wind.

I call this a Diagnosis because I'm taking a look at what the problem is, so that I know what I'm fixing. In Shadow's case, it's a solid brick of inbreeding with a "missing generation" line. In ThunderClan's case, it's mostly a Robinwing x Fuzzypelt problem. Each Clan has its own unique issues.

Once you know the issue, step two, start drawing out what you want to do and keep. For example, let's say that you want to use the Ivy/Dove as Holly/Cinder kittens idea.

I generally try to start with the "modern" cats and work backwards, but it can also be helpful to just doodle out floating "branches" that you want to work in backwards.

You can see examples of those in my ShadowClan draft, up there, but I've zoomed in and circled them.

Don't be afraid to draw "notes" like this. You can just grab them and drag them around when something clicks!

Getting back to our "example" tree with Holly/Cinder Ivy/Dove, you might notice now that Lionblaze has no mate. Another thing I do when I see an immediate problem but don't have a solution in mind yet is use a little ? mark. You don't want to get hung up on deciding everything RIGHT away.

Now, this is where my 3 Strict Rules would come into play, in two ways! I'm sure you'll be able to spot them. For one, Lionblaze has waaaaay too many kids here who would go on to have kittens of their own, so I'd start breaking them up. For two, this tree makes Ivypool and Fernsong a first cousin pairing, something I don't allow.

You can fix this in any number of ways, and I'm sure there's someone out there shouting their preferred Lionblaze ships and Alt Fernsong Parents like they're the crowd on a game show, but for this demonstration I'm going to do this;

Here, I decided I didn't want to undo FernIvy, but I still want Fernsong to be Clanborn with two parents, so I have removed him from Lionblaze and given him unknown family. I've also taken Sorrelstripe and Spotfur, and moved them to a little spot on the side. I can now use them to patch up the little ? placeholders.

You'll also notice this is already becoming a mess. This is why you will need to redraw this a few times, for readability. The best tip I can give you for that is that families who only have one kit to carry on the lineage should go in a long line in the center, but otherwise, offspring who do not have kits should go between their siblings who do.

It's easier to visualize it imo, so here's what I mean;

The vast majority of the time I spend doing these is just "puzzlework." Trying to figure out a way to make line connections look good, making sure cats are far enough apart, trying to make "wishlist" stuff work.

Here's some insight to that with the big ShadowClan mess I showed at the beginning of this post;

And, mind you, this is Draft 3 of this tree. Those grayed-out parts of the first image were my first two. I wasn't satisfied enough with them, so I started from scratch several times!

I wish I could share some kind of good, simple process for this, but unfortunately I don't have one. It's just a lot of work, familiarity, creativity, and problem solving. I spend days, sometimes even weeks on these. My intention is that they can be a fandom resource that's easier to read than the website tree, less carelessly inbred with more thought given to immediate family units, AND more comprehensive.

In any case, I hope this was insightful, or these tips I share helped in some way!

[creativepromptsforwriting]

Do you have any family problems that could make a strained relationship? like distant family but actually blood-related

Family Issues

competition and jealousy between family members

very different lifestyles

different world and political views

different views on morality and spirituality

communication issues, misunderstandings, not listening to each other

issues with the partner of a family member

high expectations that are not being met

caregiver stress when caring and supporting family members, maybe grandparent they are both related to

divorce or separation within the family

generational differences

abuse from family members, physical or emotional

housing issues, living with extended family

addiction of a family member to substances, gambling, etc.

feeling entitled to another family member's money, space, time, just because they are related

Hope this helps!

- Jana

[brionysea]

when max is depressed we know something's wrong because lucas says with his words that he knows something's wrong but when mike is depressed we don't think anything of it because will's right next to him rolling his eyes about how stupid straight people are

[jessicas-pi]

A time traveler we do not explore enough is Satine Kryze. She's a pacifist brimming with rage. We should toss her back a decade and set her loose on the senate.

[eileen-crys]

---

[iztea]

how do you balance between art (any thing in general) and your study , it doesn't... Tick with me since i started college so

anon you are talking to a chronic procrastinator here i don't think i can help you........ but i'll try

i don't exactly see art as a thing i have to do, quite the opposite, i try to avoid drawing as much as i can; it's the equivalent of playing video games or scrolling through social media for me. i do however understand the sentiment and what you meant with the ask so let's pretend it's something i do need to balance

Ideally, what I'd do is I'd find the right time for it (that "it" being art but you can apply it to any other hobby). Reflect on your behaviour and figure out how your energy levels fluctuate throughout the day and when you feel the most motivated. Personally, I am both a morning person and a night owl but a total zombie in the afternoon so i adjust my time accordingly. I leave the more cognitive, complex tasks for the early mornings like schoolwork and draw in the evening because that is when i feel most energized and creative, but ofc your circadian rhythm might look different so see what works for you..

Honestly speaking, i've been looking into time management tips as well and i could tell you of my findings but nothing works on me so it'd be a bit hypocritical. However, in the possibility that you're the Judging MBTI type, what might work for you making To-Do lists and stuff and being as specific+realistic as possible with the time of the day when you'll be doing said task.........idk it doesn't help me but it might help you it seems pretty solid

the only thing that works for me is being very technical about it: Recognize brain patterns so that you can better predict them in the future, do spot them when they happen and correct them accordingly but that's pretty hard and draining cause we are more or less human and flawed so yeah

hope it helped

tl;dr study in the day draw at night

[aaronwhorechner]

man, elle really was doomed from the start. the conversation that she has with hotch on the jet in 1.15, where she asks him how he manages this job and a family, she tells him she's scared she's going to basically end up alone, that she's going to miss so much bc she's always chasing monsters. to which hotch replies, "this job will eat you up if you let it."

and it did. bc no one truly reached out and helped her when she was struggling the most. she killed a man in cold blood and left the bureau never to be seen or heard from again.

[azuredrg]

im not so sure if other ppl r in my situation lifewise rn but if anyone here lives in a southern american state that has some anti-trans laws in place howwwww hard is it to get a doctor to prescribe hrt . i wonder if i should try that route cuz most services i find online don't take my insurance so i was wondering if a drs office would be a better avenue '_' but also i am not out socially to le family so therefore am not very male passing.should i like a haircut beforehand i look so bad with short hair thou

[achillidiot]

Hey!!

Idk if there is a section of tumblr for rabbit owners but if there is i hope this reaches the right people/group!

My uncle has rabbits (breeds them, i dont nessesarly condone it but theres really nothing i can do about it right at this moment, except for giving them the best life that i can), and since he has a lot of horrible cronic pain + a lack of oxygen, me and my grandma take care of them most of the time.

But the thing is, my grandma is getting a really big surgery soon, on her ankle. She had one last year, but the componets didnt heal with her legs, and they need to try again, along with fixing some osteoperosis on her knee of the same side.

Since she won't be able to do as much, i'm really wanting to step up and help, but by then i'll have to get ready for finals, as well as preparing for next year (planning to do some big things).

Can ya'll give me advice on how to juggle caring for these rabbits, and my other life activities?

Sorry if this sounds a bit stupid, but i could really use the help.

Thank you so much!

[thepoisonroom]

was listening to an advice podcast and a letter writer opened by saying she realized a few years ago that ALL her friendships were Toxic and ended ALL of them and now she wants a "chosen family like the lgbtq community has" my eyebrows shot UP

[kirbychar]

But.. my mom has always told me and she still tells me whenever im upset or feel a bad way, that i shoulf think about how much worse it could be, or think about other people that suffer more, so you wont feel as bad.. im realizing now that.. wtf is this kind of advice

[slytherinshua]

I swear I won't, I see you as a really good friend and I swear i won't overstep your boundaries 😭😭😭😭😭😭

thank you 😭😭 its rly hard cause so many ppl have done that to me before and i feel like such an asshole if i don't talk to them abt it but its also completely shitty of them to continuously use me as a counselor when i didn't sign up for it

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

You can’t force your kids into having a relationship with their step parent or step sibling(s) 

You can’t force your kids to love them 

You can’t force them to call their step parent mom or dad 

You can’t force them to think of their step sibling(s) as their brother or sister

That’s not the way to go. I’m not saying it’s cool for your kid(s) to actively be hateful and disrespectful because it’s not. Everyone needs to have respect for one another. 

 But far too many parents and step parents envision this fantasy where everything is fine and dandy and they don’t often have the kids’ best interest in mind. It’s about what they want. You’d have a better chance of a real relationship developing if you don’t push so hard. You can’t dictate their feelings, bottom line. If you go gung ho about it, you will push them away and cause resentment.