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rainforum · 1 year ago

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kim jisoo. she/they. demi woman. › spotted at the met steps , mona bae , most likely listening to washing machine heart by mitski with their airpods pro . the twenty eight year old gained quite a reputation , known to be -aloof yet +compassionate to anyone who knows them . you'll easily spot them when you hear about reading letters that have been sent to your mail every morning, a shelf covered with many brilliant and expensive crowns, running down a flower garden while wearing a long and flowy dress, and covering your eyes with cucumber slices every night in hopes to make you relax followed by blossom her by burberry . latest nepoupdates article talks about the reasons the former miss universe should have been dethroned during her reign, but i guess any reputation is good reputation .

basics.

FULL NAME. bae “mona” min-hee

AGE. twenty eight

BIRTHDATE. 01/06/95

IDENTITY, PRONOUNS: demi woman, she/they

ZODIAC. cancer sun, aries moon, gemini rising

ORIENTATION. bisexual, biromantic

BIRTHPLACE. gangnam-gu, south korea

HOMETOWN. manhattan, new york

ETHNICITY. korean

HEIGHT. 5'4"

OCCUPATION. actress, philanthropist, former south korean beauty pageant titleholder who was crowned miss korea 2016 & miss universe 2016

EDUCATION. comparative literature at harvard university, currently doing a master's degree in communication at columbia university

CAREER CLAIMS. victoria pedretti’s and mia goth's acting roles

PAGEANTRY & CAREER. click here roblox laugh

background.

only daughter to a well respected film director/screenwriter father and a socialite mother, bae min-hee, nicknamed mona by her beloved father, was raised in a wealthy and strict household where perfection was expected since the day she could talk

mona didn’t have a lot of friends when growing up, usually surrounded by older figures who often referred to her as the most mature child they’ve ever met: this comment often had her parents, especially her mother who expected her to be on her best behavior always or else, giggling and kicking her feet, and mona couldn’t do anything but just nod and smile… eventually she learned to embrace that lifestyle even when she just wanted to rough up her clothes and be silly sometimes yknow? in paper she was a perfect kid: excelled in her classes, excellent in her various extracurriculars at a performing arts school, good behavior always, perfect etiquette, good performer on stage (she was a dancer, more contemporary slash acro focused), she was literally considered and seen as a princess

career: beauty pageant contests.

from the day she could walk, mona competed in beauty pageant contests. this goes along with her maturity + good behavior + the many insecurities she developed through the years. to this day, she’s the most awarded beauty queen in sk since she started competing from a very young age, with her crown collection going from tiny little plastic ones to big, diamond embezzled ones

before i keep going i’m not 100% sure how beauty pageants work and i’m just going off by the things i’ve read and by pure vibes xd

the second she graduated high school and was of age, she competed for miss korea 2012 where she finished as the 2nd runner-up. it wasn’t a loss but it was the first time mona didn't win win, so it was kind of a big deal since everyone’s expectations on her were hiiiiigh, especially to her mother who was very disappointed behind doors because in cameras she was a proud and happy mom! her “loss” was probably the most talked about topic for a few weeks, even overshadowing the actual winner.

her position wasn’t that bad but she was forced to withdraw because her mom decided to send her off to college so she could enrich her mind— and that was BULLSHIT by the way, womans was sending her off to be trained by a veteran beauty pageant mentor because she was going to be miss korea! but eh. her mom imagined that her attending college would make her look good so she got her enrolled in harvard after making some calls and tugging on their connections, so yeah. it was kind of a rough time for mona because not only was she dealing with her loss (she wasn’t upset because she lost perse, it was more that she started believing that her best was truly not enough and tbh she was just very disappointed with herself + it didn’t help she had not only her mom but the korean public up her ass about it), but because mona was in a different setting.

she may have been out of her mom’s praying eyes but mona was still very well-mannered during college, she did some silly things here and there but nothing crazy because at the end of the day she was still known by some classmates as a beauty queen and knew that one picture could ruin her future in the industry. while everyone were studying for their finals, she was studying and perfecting herself to be better once she was back on stage

after graduating harvard, she flew back to participate in a regional preliminary for miss universe korea. mona won miss gyeonggi incheon 2016 and participated in miss korea 2016 the next month, and she won!

and as the miss korea, a title that she keeps holding despite the new upcoming beauties in the korean pageant industry because of how impactful and talked about her reign was, she was south korea’s representative and the winner of miss universe 2016, becoming the first south korean to win the miss universe title :3

to this day, her reign as miss universe is still talked about for both positive and negative reasons. she was a direct, soft-spoken, charismatic, respectful and a very beautiful diplomat-like queen who wore gorgeous dresses during her reign, yes, but the toxicity within the organization was craaazzzzzyyyy… it gave her psychic damage! plus the rumors and things said about her were driving her insane: is it true her father paid for the crown? is it true she had a threesome in college? is it true she slept around to get to the crown? why was she eligible for the contest when she’s short?! is it true she is going to participate in the victoria’s secret fashion show when that’s not allowed as miss universe? why is there a rumor that she’s going to be part of a movie?! why is she hanging out with this person? did you hear that she slept with a superstar? why was she the representative of sk anyways? why is she booked?! wasn’t she seen hanging out with this person who was seen doing c*ke at a party she was also at?! why hasn’t she been dethroned yet?!

career: beginning of her acting career, during miss universe’s reign.

during her studies at harvard before going back to sk, mona agreed to be part of an indie horror film (i’m making it an indie idgaf! many rookie actresses that were her friends/classmates only idc!!!!!!) suspiria without any of her parent’s permission or approval because she thought it was going to be fun!!!! this kinda woke up a new passion within her because she finally tasted something that wasn’t part of her life, but she had #duties as a future beauty queen and, tbh? she kinda thought the film was never going to be released tbh

suspiria was released the year of her reign and considering no one has ever seen mona in a different setting that wasn’t being pretty and charismatic everyone were like ?!?!??!?! like it even caused a mini chaos within the miss universe organization because was that allowed when she was an important public figure?! she was about to get dethroned until she got a lawyer involved because 1) it wasn’t that serious 2) it’s not like she filmed during her reign 3) she wasn’t going to lose her crown, something she worked hard for, just because of that?! and 4) ooopsss it just happened that mona found some shady things going on about the organization … so it was a “dethrone me and you and the whole organization will go down with me” situation

so a contract was done, one that would last until she’s crowning another queen. basically a whole “mona will be the best diplomat during her reign, avoiding controversies, attending every single meeting she’s supposed to be at, etc etc, but she won’t be limited to her reign only”

so. she didn’t do anything extraordinary or problematic during her reign… but… she got away with filming a show and a movie, she did participate in victoria’s secret fashion show 2016, she was hanging out with people everyone thought of as trouble, she was seen at some protests miss universes’ tend to distance themselves from, she was at a party where they were getting c*ked up and guess what she ended up joining, too! :D there were a lot of questions and whines and complains about all that but mona was untouchable under that contract so she couldn’t be dethroned + her lawyers and pr team? chef’s kiss ^____^

mona did some of those things out of spite because she knew the miss universe organization was seething but honestly? she just kept thinking why can’t i do this!!!!! i am a good miss universe why do i have to prevent myself from doing things and being friends with people who need a mom friend!!!! so, yeah, she did out of spite but she was impatiently waiting for her reign to end because she was over it!!!!!!! she wanted to get out of that lifestyle and do something more!!!!!! she wanted to be free!!!!! she was growing paranoid and hated the way she was perceived!!!! that didn’t stop her from being a direct and respectable beauty queen, though, and tbh her freedom + her persona + her idgaf mentality when she wasn’t in miss universe duty made her gain a lot of fans

the night she crowned miss universe 2017, she was probably happier than the winner :sob: :sob: :sob:

career: after miss universe’s reign, acting and modeling career.

her mother stopped talking to her when suspiria was released, but she continues talking to her dad since he’s actually very supportive of her :) she doesn’t mind the lack of contact with her mom because she was an abusive manipulative womans through her entire life, so!

after her reign, she started to focus on her acting career. her most memorable roles have been love in you, dani in the haunting of bly manor, and of course… as maxine and pearl from the slasher films x and pearl! <3 her performance as pearl received unanimous praise, even beating the amount of love she got when she portrayed love, with people contending that it deserved attention from the academy awards yasssssss

currently .

she’s jussssssst very focused on her acting career that is slowly but surely growing into something good, working on her master 's degree in columbia, practicing her skills as an actress, and just trying to relax after a very draining childhood-adolescence-young adult life. other than her acting gigs, she has modeled and graced the cover of multiple magazines, has been part of acquaintances’ projects (wanted connection perhaps) and has attended many charity galas and fashion shows as she’s the global ambassador of some luxury brands :)

her reign as miss universe is still brought up every now and then because no other queen has been allowed to have the same freedom and “scandals” as mona had ESPECIALLY during her reign, like i wanna say that maybe a miss universe did get dethroned after filming a movie scene…? and it was a “so why did she NOT get dethroned?!” since then, people have been throwing out theories about her reign or just coming up with the silliest rumors about her reign

both the organization and mona are very classy about it and evade any questions about it tho, so people are left just believing whatever they want but it’s not like it matters anyway it’s been YEARS… HOWEVER. the organization isn’t that classy because sometimes they throw their lil shade towards mona and her reign and may or may not have been eyeing her since then because she knows a lot of things!! i wanna say that she has been sent some death threats over it @-@ lucky for them she’s not interested to expose anything because she just doesn't care……. still scary, though

personality.

she will NEVER be able to shake off her well-mannered nature, i fear… she’s nice, compassionate, classy, and respectful: and of course she is, she was miss universe yknow… those traits are very hard to shake off especially when you’ve been like that since you were young and you’re still under the spotlight!

HOWEVER! she’s a bit distant– aloof. this doesn’t mean that she’s mean or anything, she is just in her head most of the time until someone makes her talk. she’s #exhausted but will always try to make anyone comfortable when talking to her hehe. she can be a bitch when she’s being forced to be one, but most of the time she’s very chill

loves loves loves listening to people, especially when they are talking about something they are passionate about. adores kids, especially little girls who look up to her. she dislikes when people keep talking to her when she’s wearing headphones. she doesn’t like her acting classes but keeps going because she wants to get better plus she already paid for it. she is the biggest sanrio enthusiast in the world. likes flowers and it’s believed she was born in a flower lake. does yoga and pilates every morning or else they will start beating people up. could live off by eating fruit and drinking wine only. will yap your ear off about literally anything. she’s just a simple person!!!!!!!

certified mom friend and the good influence. she has her moments but 98% of the time she will be there shaking her head if someone ever does something stupid

miss universes tend to get a smaller replica of their crown because they have to give it back to the organization after their reign but mona didn’t give it back! she made sure that the contract had that deal down because she wanted her crown in her collection. some have pointed out that the crown shown in the miss universe museum isn’t the same crown she used to wear but oh well <3

#nepofm.intro #im not doing a graphic i am twe tired

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sherlawliet · 8 months ago

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Questions!!

1. Who is your hero? The Doctor

2. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Somewhere that has rain every day all day

3. What is your biggest fear? Loss of freedom

4. What is your favorite family vacation? Centre Parcs

5. What would you change about yourself if you could? My patience

6. What really makes you angry? Disregard for human life

7. What motivates you to work hard? Helping people

8. What is your favorite thing about your career? Helping people

9. What is your biggest complaint about your job? My boss is often too busy to communicate (not his fault though)

10. What is your proudest accomplishment? My law degree

11. What is your child's proudest accomplishment? Emotionally scarring a bisexual by rapidly running around her in a circle (my child is a small dog)

12. What is your favorite book to read? I don't like books

13. What makes you laugh the most? Schaddenfreude heavy comedy

14. What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? The Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. It was alright.

15. What did you want to be when you were small? A timelord

16. What does your child want to be when he/she grows up? A tibetan mastiff (Her hopes are in vain)

17. If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? Play video games, drink, chat to friends on the internet.

18. What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? I don't watch sport, but I do run twice a week

19. Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car? Drive a car

20. What would you sing at Karaoke night? There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey - P!ATD

21. What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most? Youtube and Youtube

22. Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house? Clean the bathroom

23. If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work? Cleaning

24. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? Calezone

25. Who is your favorite author? Your mom

26. Have you ever had a nickname? Nally Pants

27. Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not? I like good surprises and dislike bad ones. Because good surprises are good and bad ones are bad.

28. In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read? Game

29. Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why? Alaska, I prefer cold weather

30. Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why? Perfect job. Steady income, not bored, get to help people.

31. Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island? No one.

32. If money was no object, what would you do all day? Online clothes shop, drink milk tea products from Starry Mart, play video games

33. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?

34. How would your friends describe you? Confident

35. What are your hobbies? Running, roleplaying, gaming, swimming, looking for new wardrobe items

36. What is the best gift you have been given? A handmade, custom witchy drink mat

37. What is the worst gift you have received? I don't think I've ever received a bad gift

38. Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without? Internet

39. List two pet peeves. Arguing with me about the law, ignorance

40. Where do you see yourself in five years? Doing what I'm doing now I guess.

41. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 6 wearable ones

42. If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have? Shapeshifting or mind control, I feel like having both would be greedy

43. What would you do if you won the lottery? Pay off my debt and my mom's, buy a tonne of clothes and games, buy a house, get a van and convert the back into a bedspace.

44. What form of public transportation do you prefer? (air, boat, train, bus, car, etc.) Bus

45. What's your favorite zoo animal? Tigers

46. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be? I would get young Hitler into art school.

47. If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be? 4 of my partners.

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? Three

49. What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)? I think 37 hours

51. Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence? Intelligence for looks

52. How often do you buy clothes? Once a month

53. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Yep

54. What's your favorite holiday? Christmas

55. What's the most daring thing you've ever done? Fucked in a field

56. What was the last thing you recorded on TV? I don’t do that.

57. What was the last book you read? The Hagakure

58. What's your favorite type of foreign food? Italian

59. Are you a clean or messy person? Messy as fuck

60. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life? Lzzy Hale

61. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 30 min

62. What kitchen appliance do you use every day? The kettle

63. What's your favorite fast food chain? Pizza Hutt

64. What's your favorite family recipe? Mom's spaghetti bolognese

65. Do you love or hate rollercoasters? Love

66. What's your favorite family tradition? Watching Dr Who every Saturday when it's on

67. What is your favorite childhood memory? Walking in the woods in torrential rain before arriving home in a snug cottage, getting wrapped in a warm towel and eating cheesy chips in front of the electric fire as I heard the rain crashing against the plastic conservatory roof

68. What's your favorite movie? Saw X

69. How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out? My parents told me from the get go that santa isn't real, and my entire year 1/2 class found out he's not real by me loudly proclaiming it from my 4 year old mouth in the middle of the classroom

70. Is your glass half full or half empty? Half full

71. What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love? Handed out a 1.6K loan

72. What three items would you take with you on a deserted island? Swiss army knife, water purifier, and a sleeping bag.

73. What was your favorite subject in school? English literature

74. What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? Escargot

75. Do you collect anything? Fancy coats

76. Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion? Dr Who

77. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Extrovert with a limited battery

78. Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? Sight

79. Have you ever had a surprise party? Yep, my sweet bestfriend in college made me a whole ass cake and brought it on campus

80. Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous? Captain Henry Morgan is my ancestor.

81. What do you do to keep fit? Run and swim

82. Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken? Nope

83. If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce? Everyone gets a house, unconditionally

84. Who was your favorite teacher in school and why? A sweet, funny scottish lady who was my english lit lecturer in college, she was charming and lovely and she handed me some pretty high praise at parent evening.

85. What three things do you think of the most each day? Doctor Who, clothes, my partners

86. If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Highly argumentative

87. What song would you say best sums you up? "My Arms Are Just Fuccen Stuck Like This" By Cindy Starlight

88. What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee? Cottontailva

89. Who was your first crush? Carrie Fisher

90. What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window? a big pretty oak tree

91. On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?8 or 9, I come out with consistent zingers

92. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Doing what I'm doing now but with big tits.

93. What was your first job? Handy manning with my Dad

94. If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join? I wouldn't

95. How many languages do you speak? 1

96. What is your favorite family holiday tradition? Watching the Dr Who Christmas special.

97. Who is the most intelligent person you know? One of my partners.

98. If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be? A sugar glider!

99. What is one thing you will never do again? Swim into a shallow razor sharp bed of coral inadvertently; probably not all that smart to do that.

100. Who knows you the best? My twin sibling

Blaze

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#attention whoring #gay #transgender

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florencelattimore · 9 months ago

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Florence Lattimore

“And if you’ve tried to do something good a thousand times, and you’ve failed a thousand times and the people around you are miserable, and you’re at the end of your rope, and you’re losing faith in yourself, you know what we want you to do? Keep trying, keep trying, keep trying.”

Wanted Connections – Living Space – Timeline

Playlist:

BASICS

Name: Florence Sienna Lattimore

Nicknames: Flo

Date and place of birth: May 5th November 1986 in Kismet Harbor, Oregon.

Gender identity: cis female (she/her)

Sexuality: bisexual

Hometown: Kismet Harbor, Oregon.

Lived in: Kismet Harbor, Oregon; Malibu, California.

Time in Kismet Harbor: back since early 2017.

Residence: Emerald Mist

Faceclaim: Alexandra Daddario

Education: High School Diploma.

Occupation: former professional tennis player, now coach and activist

Languages: English, basic Spanish.

Police Record: none.

Zodiac Sign: Taurus

MBTI type: Protagonist, ENFJ-A

Enneagram: Five, the Adventurer, wing Seven

PHYSICAL

Height: 1,75m

Hair colour: black

Eye colour: blue

Tattoos: olympic rings intertwined with daffodils.

Health: Good. Almost blind in her left eye.

Aesthetic:

FAMILY

Father: Gideon Lattimore

Mother: Rachel Lattimore-Miller (deceased)

Siblings: Leonardo Lattimore (half-brother), Christine Lattimore (half-sister), Morrigan Lattimore, Marian Lattimore, Nathan Lattimore, Judith Lattimore.

Other Relatives: x

Partners: Spouse (2015-present).

Children: Lily Lattimore-Sorley.

Pets: a pomsky named Maxi.

BIOGRAPHY

Born on May 5th, 1986 in the coastal town of Kismet Harbor, Florence Sienna Lattimore is the fourth sibling in the family and second child of Rachel Lattimore-Miller. Florence’s childhood was marked by a strong sense of community and moral values. Her father's emphasis on kindness, integrity, and resilience shaped Florence into the person she would become. The loss of her mother when she was just eight years old profoundly impacted her but brought the family even closer together. From a young age, Florence showed a natural athleticism and a competitive spirit, which she channelled quite quickly into tennis, with her father and siblings as first coaches and opponents.

Her passion for tennis really took off when she was just turning nine and she practised any chance she got on the local tennis courts. With determination and talent, by the age of twelve, she was competing in and winning regional tournaments. Her exceptional performance on the junior tennis circuit caught the attention of national coaches, and thanks to her dedication and hard work, and she’ll tell you her family’s support, she transitioned smoothly into the professional tennis world as soon as she could.

Rather fast, she made a name for herself in the world of tennis. What cemented this was a first Grand Slam win at the age of 19 as she became one of the top-ranked tennis players globally. Her peak moment came in 2012 when she clinched the gold medal in singles at the London Olympics in the U.S Olympic Team, solidifying her legacy.

Inspired by her upbringing in Kismet Harbor, Florence also made herself known as an environmental activist and launched a sustainable brand focused on eco-friendly sportswear and equipment. Florence also embraced opportunities in the modelling world, using her platform to advocate for body positivity and environmental responsibility.

In 2015, at a charity event, Florence met the person she would end up marrying a few months after getting her second gold medal at the Rio Olympics in 2016. As they decided to have a child, they moved back to Kismet Harbor. Florence got pregnant and in 2017, Lily Lattimore-Sorley was born.

After all her achievements, Florence decided to give back to the sport by creating the Lattimore Tennis Academy in Kismet Harbor. Welcoming aspiring tennis players from diverse backgrounds, its goal is to provide top-tier training and mentorship. When she wasn’t away on competitions, Florence mentored some of the students herself.

A few of years later, tragedy struck during a high-stakes match that would forever change Florence’s life. Florence took a severe fall that resulted in a traumatic brain injury and partial loss of vision in one eye. The injury was not only physically debilitating but also emotionally crushing, as it abruptly ended her professional tennis career. Extensive rehabilitation followed, and while Florence worked tirelessly to recover, the impaired vision made it impossible for her to compete at the highest levels of the sport she loved so deeply.

Refusing to let the injury define her, she recovered thanks to the support of those around her and decided to fully commit to the other ventures of her life. She became a full-time coach at the academy and was able to give more time to her brand and to her activism as well. Life’s unexpected turns truly lead to new beginnings.

#intro post #florence lattimore

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historyhermann · 2 years ago

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Reviewing Queer Animated Characters With Trauma

Amity fights Hunter in a season 2 episode of The Owl House

Recently, there has been a growing number of queer fictional animated characters with trauma. I decided to examine this trend and offer my thoughts.

Reprinted from The Geekiary, my History Hermann WordPress blog (it will be published there on Dec. 24) and Wayback Machine. This was the forty-first article I wrote for The Geekiary. This post was originally published on June 13, 2022.

Trauma is a common theme in fiction. This makes sense especially for conflict-prone series, either in live-action or animation. Recent years have made this even more pronounced as animation holds an "exceptional potential" to portray trauma, an emotional response to a distressing experience of some kind, unlike other mediums.

I'll examine over 20 characters, who are either confirmed as part of the LGBTQ community or implied as such. The characters described in this article are only a small sample of a larger list of characters. I've only chosen characters in Western animated shows that I have watched to date, as a similar post on anime characters would be as long as this one.

This post contains spoilers for the series that I'm writing about. With that, let me get started!

The Owl House

Luz and Amity dance together as their magic causes the grom monster to explode behind them

This fantasy and horror comedy animated series has trauma at its core. It emphasizes the importance of chosen family and discovering who you are as a person.

The show's protagonist, Luz Noceda (Sarah Nicole-Robles) ends up into a magical world called the Boiling Isles. It is far away from her home and she soon has no way of returning. While she makes friends along the way, what happens to her is, at times, traumatic. In fact, one reviewer even stated that nearly every resident of the Owl House, including Eda Clawthorne (Wendie Malick), King (Alex Hirsch), and Luz, have post-traumatic stress disorder, commonly known as PTSD.

By the second season of the series, Luz has begun a romantic relationship with Amity Blight (Mae Whitman). Luz is confirmed as bisexual by the show's creator, Dana Terrace, while Amity is a lesbian. Her voice actor is pansexual. Additionally, Eda is queer as she was in a relationship with Raine Whispers, a non-binary head witch of the Bard Covern. The voice actor of Raine, Avi Roque, is non-binary as well.

There's also Eda's sister, Lilith, who was recently implied as being asexual by her voice actor, Cissy Jones, the dads of Willow Park (Tati Gabrielle), Gilbert and Harvey, and the mysterious god-like creature named The Collector. The show's creator may have implied the character is non-binary in a recent tweet. Lilith was later confirmed as an aromantic asexual character.

All these characters, and every other character in the series, have trauma on some level. Even the series villain, Emperor Belos (Matthew Rhys), has a mind filled with decades of "triumph, trauma, and loss."

Amphibia

Anne (left) and Sasha (right) fight in the season two finale

This recently-concluded series may seem harmless at first, but there is more below the surface. The three protagonists, Anne Boonchuy (Brenda Song), Marcy Wu (Haley Tju), and Sasha Waybright (Anna Akana) open a magic box. They end up in a wild tropical land known as Amphibia. Their friendship faces strains and hardships, including betrayals, pain, and death.

One of these characters is prominently part of the LGBTQ community: Sasha. Voiced by Akana, a talented voice actress, the show’s creator, Matt Braly confirmed her as bisexual after the show’s finale. This built upon a bisexual sticker on her car's mirror in a final sequence. As it turns out, during an acceptance speech for the Streamy Awards she came out as bisexual, even though she was drunk when she made the speech since she didn’t expect to win the award.

Her character begins the series as a jerk, bully, and almost a villain of sorts. Sasha even fights the show’s protagonist, Anne, her high school friend, and butts heads with Marcy. She later works to make amends and fights King Andrias who has evil plans to take over the world.

Sasha joins other recurring LGBTQ characters, mostly in the show's last season. This includes Frodrick Toadstool and Toadie who have a gay romance, confirmed by the show's creator. Also, Yunan and Lady Olivia become a romantic lesbian couple, while Ally and Jess who run an Internet video channel together. It's also implied that Mr. X, voiced by RuPaul, is gay.

All these characters have some level of trauma in one way or another. At the same time, the series serves as a "form of solace" and can ameliorate trauma often associated with media like The Owl House.

Disenchantment

Bean fights with Gretel, a cannibalistic serial killer, in the season one episode "Faster, Princess! Kill! Kill!"

Although her father, Zog, works through his trauma in the most recent part of this mature animated series, Bean suffers from trauma as well. This is because events which involve a "serious threat to life...and feel beyond a person’s control" fill her life. Examples include loss of a parent, physical violence, sexual assault, military combat, or death of a loved one.

Through her role as princess, and then queen, these events include her father's live burial, an elevator chopping off the head of her friend, and kidnapping of her friend Elfo. She isn't alone with trauma, as her friends also have it as well, as do many other characters within this series. It shows that series is not afraid to tackle mental health as a theme.

In the most recent episodes of this series, she kisses a mermaid named Mora (Meredith Hagner). This romance and others with male characters, including Elfo, indicated she is bisexual or pansexual. She was directly confirmed as bisexual by an official Netflix account. Furthermore, Bean's voice actress, Abbi Jacobson, is also bisexual.

There are other LGBTQ characters in this series, like Odval and Sorcerio. They are a gay couple who live in the Dreamland castle. It is further implied that Big Jo and Porky may have been in a toxic relationship with one another.

All of them experience physical violence, loss, and serious threats to their lives in more ways than one.

High Guardian Spice

Olive and Rose fight in the 9th episode of this series

This series has major themes such as acceptance, togetherness, and discovering one's identity. Rosemary (Briana Leon), has a recurring nightmare where her mother disappeared and left a magical sword behind. Unsurprisingly, she gets nervous when her locket, which has an important family memory, gets lost.

Rosemary isn't alone. Sage (Lauren White) gets nervous when everything doesn't go according to plan. She ends up questioning if she should be at the magic academy and what "right things" she should say to people. The latter is emblematic of her social awkwardness.

Both are implied as being in love with each other, in what some shippers call Sagemary. Since Rosemary shows an attraction to a male student in one episode, she could be bisexual. One of the show's writers and voice actor of Amaryllis, Katie McVay, seemed to imply some the show's characters are bisexual. Parsley (Amber Romero) and Thyme (Michelle Deco) might be lesbian characters. The latter has a crush on a mermaid named Coral in one episode.

Anise and Aloe are a lesbian couple. Haviland Stillwell, a lesbian actress, voices Anise. Then there's Professor Caraway who reveals to Rosemary he is a trans man. The show's creator, Raye Rodriguez, who is a Cuban trans man, voices him. Finally, the snarky student Snapdragon appears to be on the road to transitioning toward a trans woman. Julia Kaye, a comics writer and trans woman, voices her.

Traumatic events shape all these characters and many others. This includes queer-coded characters like the catgirl Olive (Stephanie Sheh), Slime Boy (Julian Koster), and professor Wyverna Dretch (Stillwell).

Legend of Korra

Korra at a low place at beginning of the show's fourth season

Trauma fills this classic, but divisive, anime-inspired series. Trauma affects two of the protagonists, Korra and Asami Sato.

Throughout the series, Korra becomes poisoned, physically traumatized, and emotionally scarred. This manifests itself in her losing her bending abilities and having her friends captured or maimed. Through it all she has to continue fighting as the Avatar, with a duty to keep the peace. One reviewer said that her PTSD storyline is sad, but also "so good", as she survives through her drama which continues to inspire.

This contrasts with Asami. She loses almost everything in the series, from her imprisoned backstabbing father and almost losing her family company. One person argued that Asami's trauma inspires her to "save others from feeling how she felt." This includes Korra, who confides in Asami as she works through her trauma.

In the show's final episode, and subsequently confirmed by show's creators, Korra and Asami become a romantic couple. This was further shown in the graphic novel The Legend of Korra: Turf Wars. The same novel confirmed that Kya, daughter of Katara, is a lesbian. The novel also explores Kyoshi's bisexual romantic feelings.

During the series, Korra and Asami date Mako, a male character, and are good friends with one another. With Korrisami confirmed, both are canonically bisexual.

Final Space

Ash, imbued with the power of Invictus, prepares to strike Little Cato in the show's final episode

One of the protagonists of this cancelled mature animated series manifests trauma more than any other character. Ash Graven (Ashly Burch) is a complex character with a troubled past. Like other protagonists, the destruction of the Earth by the Lord Commander, and near-death experiences, traumatizes her.

Invictus, the show's primary villain, exploits her trauma triggers to great effect. Similar to how triggers for people with PTSD manifest themselves, she lashes out, blames others unfairly, retreats, and her emotions flair.

Before this happens, she bonds with a genderless lifeform trapped in Final Space, named Evra (Jasmin Savoy Brown). Their growing relationship makes clear Ash's romantic orientation as a lesbian. Since the show was not renewed, her relationship with Evra did not progress beyond one episode sequence.

Trauma and tragedy scar the memories and lives of every character in this series. This includes a recurring character named Clarence, confirmed by show creator Olan Rogers as bisexual, and Tribore Menendez, who may be genderfluid.

Just as literature can be a "valid resource" to learn about complex issues like trauma and mental health, with books even playing a role in recovering from mental illness, animated series can tackle the same topics. Final Space is one of those series.

Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts

Fight between Jamack (left) and Wolf (right) in the first episode of this series

This young adult animated series is set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland known as Las Vistas, set in what is now Los Angeles. Animals have morphed into anthropomorphic characters and humans fled underground to burrows. The show's protagonist, Kipo (Karen Fukuhara) is the series' narrative center and a foil for the "world’s trauma and alienation."

Kipo was never confirmed as part of the LGBTQ community. She is traumatized as much as any other character and with her troubled past. Some have headcanoned her as queer, but that is pure speculation.

The show's creator, Radford "Rad" Sechrist said he never thought of Kipo as LGBTQ. She was recently confirmed as a Blasian character. It wasn't directly stated in the series due to a worry by Sehcrist of "whitewashing and lightening black characters". This led to a bit of a hullabaloo online after his clunky response.

She is not the only character who afflicted by trauma. For instance, there's Benson Mekler (Coy Stewart) and Troy Sandoval (Giullian Yao Gioiello). Both later begin a romantic relationship. Sechrist hinted Troy as pansexual at one point. There's additionally Asher Berdacs who is non-binary and voiced by River Butcher, a non-binary actor. Each of them has their own childhood traumas, as does Kipo's friend, Wolf (Sydney Mikayla) and many other characters.

Even a mandrill named Scarlemagne (Dan Stevens), who wants to subjugate humanity, has deep-seated trauma. Any of his cruel acts are not justified by this, but they serve as a reason for what he did. While some object with his redemption of sorts, another villain is his abuser: Dr. Emilia (Amy Landecker), a manipulative and power-hungry scientist. Others have stated that her role as an abuser emphasizes the "potency of early trauma."

Tangled

Cass, using her moonstone powers, stands in front of her throne and speaks to Raps

Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, called Tangled: The Series in the show's first season, focuses on trauma. The 2010 animated film Tangled, which preceded the series, also explores trauma, toxic parentage, and emotional abuse. Others even employed the terrible tower where Rapunzel "Raps" lives, by force, as a metaphor for stages of abuse.

The series introduces Cassandra "Cass" (by Eden Espinosa), a complex character with trauma and PTSD. She sings about it, declaring she has nothing left to lose as she goes down a "path paved in black." As acknowledged by storyboarder Amber Vanich, lesbian vibes were imbued in her drawings of Cass.

She has a troubled past like Raps. She has the same "mother", causing the show to declare they were "sisters". This couldn't be further from the truth. Gothel, the birth mother of Cass, was Raps' kidnapper, leading to irreparable trauma.

The evil Zhan Tri manipulates her, exploiting her trauma and plays on her triggers. As a result, she lashes out, blames Raps, and her emotions flair, especially when using moonstone powers to fight Raps, with sundrop powers. Often, Cass processes her thoughts and feelings about Raps, sometimes feeling that Raps is holding her back.

In the series finale, she helps Raps to defeat Zhan Tri and both reconcile. While Raps marries Eugene, her boyfriend since the series' beginning, Cass and Raps declare their love for one other. This is presumably platonic as Disney wouldn't allow it otherwise.

There is potential for a series spinoff of Cass, who departs on a journey at the series end, possibly to come to terms with her trauma and atone for her past misdeeds. Some fans have theorized a romantic ending for both characters, shipped as "Cassunzel," say Raps is pansexual or bisexual, or otherwise embrace this ship.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Adora and Catra clashing with one another in the season five opening

Trauma interlaces this now iconic series, a reboot of the 1980s Filmation animated series She-Ra: Princess of Power.

The series centers on Adora and Catra, voiced by Aimee Carrero and AJ Michalka. They begin as friends but continue to have complicated feelings as they are on different sides of the conflict. At the series' end, their romantic relationship begins. They kiss and it saves the world from destruction, canonizing what fans dub "Catradora."

Adora has a specific type of trauma. One reviewer described it as eco-trauma, saying that Adora suffers from treating ecological harm as a form of trauma, something which someone tries to repress to avoid its "painful effects." This repression for Adora is external, as the First Ones impose it on her and attempt to turn the entire planet into a Death Star-like weapon.

Even so, it is through this planet she can access the memories of her predecessor. Light Hope (Morla Gorrondona), Adora's AI guide of sorts, imposed a memory wipe to forget the previous She-Ra, Mara (Zehra Fazal). In the end, Adora doesn't sacrifice her life, but Catra saves her, with both confessing their love for one another.

Trauma continues to follow Adora throughout the series, as she feels unworthy of doing "anything good." In contrast, Catra appears self-assured on the surface, but she becomes plagued by her own doubt and guilt. This causes her to become controlling and aggressive, almost destroying the entire world at one point. More to the point, she spends a majority of the show as a broken and battered woman "defined by her trauma." She makes decisions dictated by her experience with loss rather than from a place of love.

Adventure Time

Marcy in monster form, and Bonnie, fighting together in the episode "Varmints"

Marceline "Marcy" Abadeer is a fan-favorite vampire queen in this animated series. Marcy is more than a wacky character voiced by Olivia Olson. Instead she is a bisexual badass. Her character informed how then-storyboarder Rebecca Sugar told LGBTQ storylines in the future.

Marcy has a long and painful life, with her past trauma defining her. In fact, she becomes a vampire, or more exactly a half-demon, half-vampire multiracial woman in a traumatic way, becoming a source of her misery. She becomes stunted as an 18-year-old and never grows beyond that. Even so, she goes through an emotional journey of sorts, feeling like a monster.

This doesn't happen on her own. She begins a romantic relationship with Princess Bonnibel "Bonnie" Bubblegum (Hynden Walch) in the series finale. The Adventure Time: Distant Lands episode "Obsidian" explores the relationship further. The episode was all the rage in fall 2020. Queer fans who love Bubbline (Bonnie and Marcy) were glad to see more of a focus on their relationship.

In that episode, Marcy grapples with her outer and inner demons, singing to Bonnie that she "always felt like a monster". Bonnie comforts her while she has her own insecurities. They work through her struggles together while Bonnie has her own traumas born from her position as ruler of the Candy Kingdom.

This is not unique to her. Protagonists Finn and Jake, voiced by Jeremy Shada and John DiMaggio, are often thrown into conflict, either with the Lich, or other enemies. Even BMO (Niki Yang), who is a computer/video game console unit, who has no definite gender, becomes traumatized through the series. The Ice King (Tom Kenny), Huntress Wizard (Maria Bumford), Flame Princess (Jessica DiCicco), and many others have trauma, too.

Star Trek: Lower Decks

Mariner fights with her digital self in the episode "Crisis Point"

Beckett Mariner (Tawny Newsome) is a character in this mature sci-fi comedy series. She is a human and an ensign aboard a ship known as the USS Cerritos who likes to buck rules. This is in part because she is the daughter of the ship's captain, Carol Freeman (Dawnn Lewis), even though she is very good at "all things Starfleet."

Although some have argued that her trauma is sometimes played for laughs, the series still explains her motivations. Others have argued that the whole Starfleet crew needs therapy and better mental health care for everything they have gone through. One character, Shaxs (Fred Tatasciore), even dies at the end of one season to save Sam Rutherford (Eugene Cordero).

Mariner breaks protocol as a character, with the most recent season indicating she is bisexual or pansexual. At one point, the show's creator, Mike McMahan, stated that Mariner's former lover was Captain Amina Ramsey. He added that that "every Starfleet officer is probably at the baseline bisexual" in a sense.

She was also shown to have dated a man named Steve Levy. In one Season 2 episode she even declared that she had dated "bad boys, bad girls, bad gender non-binary babes, [and] ruthless alien masterminds" in the past. McMahan confirmed that Mariner will be dating a woman named Jennifer Sh'reyan (Lauren Lapkus) in the show's next season.

Mariner is not the only character with traumatic experiences. The same is the case for the ship's chief engineer, Andy Billups. He may be asexual, as he has no interest in having sex with male or female guards. Other characters are in thrown into conflict-prone situations as well, which are the breeding ground for trauma.

Arcane

Cait and Vi look in horror at Jinx's missile heading toward the Piltover council

Trauma and tragedy fill this mature series. This is balanced with a tone not "too dour" and a plot that doesn't drag the story down. This is a series with themes of class oppression taking place in a world with "no sexism, racism, or homophobia." Human experimentation, acceptance, struggle, and family separation are important themes. There's also depiction of attempted suicide, death, and kidnapping.

The adopted brother of Jinx (Ella Purnell), first known as Powder, taunts her, undermining her self-confidence. This combines with her fear of abandonment and guilt after some of her adopted family dies, causing her to become traumatized. She is still haunted by what happened in the past. Silco taps into these feelings, raising Jinx as her own. He doesn't fault her for lashing when when triggered, even when it threatens his own operations.

She isn't the only one affected by trauma. For Violet "Vi" (Hailee Steinfeld), this comes from her rough childhood living in the undercity, and separation from her sister, Jinx. For Caitlyn "Cait" Kiramman (Katie Leung), she has to deal with the pressure of working as an enforcer for the upper city of Piltover and new pressures of the undercity. This includes tense, stressful, and violent situations, especially with Vi.

Although some criticized its depiction, there is no doubt that in this series, Cait and Vi have romantic feelings for one another. It is what fans call "CaitVi," "Violyn" or the official moniker, "Piltover's Finest", with over 10,000 subscribers to subreddits for the pairing. In the aftermath of the end of the last season, Vi and Cait will likely have to pick up the pieces after Jinx assassinated the council members of Piltover.

gen:LOCK

Fight between Madrani (left) and "Sinclair" (right)

Like Arcane, this sci-fi mecha action series is mature and filled with sorrow. Due to a generally negative audience response and a subreddit which has turned against the show, renewal is unlikely. HBO Max and Rooster Teeth threw the show to the wolves. For all its faults, the series depicts trauma unlike any other, so it deserves a mention in this article.

Val/entina 'Val' Romanyszyn, who is a genderfluid and pansexual woman voiced by Asia Kate Dillon, goes through a lot in the series. The man she loves, Kazu Iida (Kōichi Yamadera), dies in front of her, and she watches countless others get injured or killed.

She is not alone in this. A demon named Nemesis, in the head of the show’s protagonist, Julian Chase (Michael B. Jordan) torments him throughout the series. It turns out that he is only a copy of his original self and the "demon" is another copy. Even so, he comes to terms with Nemesis and sees it as another part of himself.

Trauma and the subconscious are major themes in this series. Other members of Chase’s team, Cameron 'Cammie' MacCloud (Maisie Williams) and Yasamin 'Yaz' Madrani (Golshifteh Farahani) are also traumatized. Fighting the purportedly "evil" Union deeply affects Cammie, Yaz, Kazu, and Val, as does stresses from their lives before the war. The same is the case for Robert Sinclair, a fighter for the Polity and later a guerrilla. The show's second season reveals that he has a boyfriend.

Some reviewers have stated that the series has "mental illness, trauma recovery, technological intimacy and identity" at its center. Others said that the series has characters with distinct personalities who have to tackle their own trauma.

Closing thoughts

There are many other examples of characters with trauma who are part of the LGBTQ community, such as Daisy in Magical Girl Friendship Squad, and Fry and Hamburg in Kid Cosmic to give two examples.

There are other characters who struggle with trauma, although it is harder to pin them into the LGBTQ community apart from headcanons. Take, for example, Beck in Tron:Uprising, Reagan Ridley in Inside Job, and Ron Stoppable in Kim Possible.

I would be remiss to not mention Steven Universe in the series of the same name. Due to his fighting against corrupted Gems and Gem warriors, he develops trauma. This is further explored in the limited 2019-2020 series, Steven Universe Future, which brings trauma to the forefront. He attempts to come to terms with and address the traumatic incidents which plague his mind.

In the end, more series with mature themes and LGBTQ characters suggests that characters racked with trauma are in the cards.

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euphoriyoongi · 3 years ago

Text

🍓dirty. // jhs mini-series

🍓Episode 01

🍓Summary ⇢ You’re an internationally-praised idol and Hoseok is your biggest fan who runs a fan page. You follow it secretly and find out all the dirty things he wants to do to you, and also might’ve uncovered pieces of your forgotten past. With all of the dirty things, there were also the sweet feelings you never knew someone could hold for you.

🍓Pairing ⇢ fan!hoseok x idol!reader

🍓Word Count ⇢ 6.6k

🍓Warnings ⇢ mental health issues, talk of abuse (physical abuse, mental abuse) bad drinking habits, language

🍓Story Tags ⇢ social media, stanning, idol, bisexual reader, tattooed reader, sex, dressing room sex, celebrity crush, teasing, a bunch more, hard sex, anger, abusive ex, loss of memory from childhood, no label relationship, long lost siblings, heartbreak, car accident

mini-series m.list

dirty m.list

You've always wondered to yourself about what you would do if you became famous.

For what reason? What talent? What looks? What was so interesting about you to win the hearts of those watching?

You've always been so hard on yourself. Every time you would look in the mirror, you'd feel the need to change something. Whether you didn't like your hairstyle or the color of your eyes, maybe it was the want to edit your body like it was some video game. All in all, you were never happy with yourself.

So why on earth did you become famous? Was it destined? Or were you talented enough?

Growing up as a dancer, you felt that the only way to reach your potential entirely was to become an idol. At the young age of seventeen, you entered a trainee program at one of Korea's smallest entertainment companies.

There were plenty of hardships. Whether they had an issue with your attitude or your tattoos, they told you to remove them, that no one would want to look at you because of them. After that, you didn't think you'd get anywhere, but here you are reaching the age of twenty-four, standing in front of thousands of people on a stage in a haze of fame.

Regardless of fame, you still look at yourself negatively. With no positive thoughts roaming around your mind, it always left your confidence dangling on a string like bait on a fishing rod. There was nothing but irritation behind your eyes, that is, unless you were dancing.

Dancing has always been your outlet whenever you would struggle. As a kid, you dreamed of becoming a world-recognized dancer, and you always wanted to backup dance for famous American artists, but your future took a turn when you decided to become an idol.

And as an idol, you sang your heart out. Between sleepless nights and sore throats, falling asleep in the practice rooms and breakfasts in communal kitchens, the place ended up being a better home than the one you grew up in.

Despite your outer appearance, you had a shy heart that you weren't willing to give up easily. You had no chance to date anyone before your debut, and now years later, you couldn't even dare to be seen with someone of the opposite sex, which you found funny, since you found girls attractive as well.

And despite all the attention to stay away from romantic relationships, you did it in spite and got together with a rapper, who ended up being a terrible partner. He was abusive and irresponsible, but the public actually liked you two together, and now your once happy company forced you to stay in the unhealthy relationship.

All of that brings you to the current moment, standing on stage in front of thousands of people, hiding your bruises with makeup and tight clothing. Your personality had been washed away to please the world, and you were sure there was no hope to rediscover yourself. All of your hope vanished, and you just wanted to close your eyes and fall into the darkness.

With nowhere to hide, you stood with as much masqueraded confidence you could manage. All of these people in front of you believe that they know you: your favorite color, your favorite food. The faces you make when you're happy, and the scrunch of your nose when you're disgusted. They believe everything they see and hear about you, and that was the problem. It's not that you didn't want them to know you, you just wished to show who you really are—although that person is long gone.

As you blew one last kiss to your fans, you exited the stage in hurried breaths, and you found your dressing room. No matter how much fun you have at concerts and how many smiles you show, it was never enough to fill the void of reality. And all they say to you is that you should be grateful for your situation. You have fame, money, a sexy boyfriend. You have confidence, spunk, and a dazzling apartment in the center of the city. What more could you want? They'd compare you to other idols and actors and say how much prettier you are, or how talented you are. Everything was always a competition, and it left you no room to navigate through your own sea of ideas.

You flopped down onto the plush couch with an aggressive sigh. Your hair was a mess, and your makeup was itching your face. It was as if it was a mask, and you could never take it off. They cover up your tattoos with clothing and jewelry, and as if that was the only thing left that is visible to your persona. They couldn't physically take your tattoos away, but damn they tried their best.

After you finally caught your breath, you were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. The door thrashed open without as much as a "come in", revealing your manager who looked as if he could kill. "Y/n, that was horrible. Absolutely terrible." He hissed at you as the door slammed behind him, and you stared up at the ceiling. "You know how many times I've told you not to take of your jacket, you cant flaunt your tattoos as if its normal."

You kept quiet, your eyes burning a hole into the ceiling. You tuned out the conversation and left him rant and rant until you heard him growl your name. "Y/n? Did you even listen to a single word? Get the hell up and change. You have rehearsal tomorrow morning for the next concert."

Your manager Kim Hong-Shi wasn't always like this. When you debuted, he handed you anything you ever wanted and encouraged you to be the best that you could be. Things changed when he was threatened to be fired for standing up for your choice to get tattoos, and of course he melted into management's wishes and followed their words. Thus, that left you here as you looked into his sorrowful eyes. "Yes, Mr. Kim."

He sighed and nodded towards you, and walked out of the stuffy room. You felt the world crushing on you at every second of your life, and you wished there was an outlet to peace. You wanted to communicate with your fans, but all of the toxicity of antis and narcissists took over the platforms. Every time you would look at a picture or an article about you, there would be malicious comments about how you've lost so much weight, or how you should kill yourself because there's no reason you should live. For goodness sake, you didn't want to live in the first place, and those comments certainly didn't help your psyche.

The rest of the night was a blur. You wanted to drink, but you couldn't. You wanted to cry, but you couldn't. You haven't cried in years, lost in the fame. Sometimes you'd even second guess the severity of your issues and tell yourself you are being unrealistic. Why dont you want to live? You have everything going for you. Your problems aren't worth shit, you're just being a baby. Maybe its the comments you get on your posts, their words hit you harder than your abusive boyfriend. Oh, and if you ever exposed his issues, you were as good as dead.

He scared you to the point of no return. You had a fear of every man around you, and it was all because of him. You couldn't let any man touch you, stand close to you, or even smile at you. People thought you were a brat, but in reality, it was your own suffering and fear of being abused.

You ended the day with a sleepless night and dry eyes.

—

"One, two, three and—" you muttered to yourself as your body moved gracefully. It was the next day—five in the morning. You forced yourself to get out of the comfort of your own bed and now you were here, running through your hardest dance you always seemed to mess up. It was still dark out, the morning sun didn't break the horizon yet. It felt like the darkness was eternity, and you weren't sure if you liked that feeling or not. Either way you ignored your pull to the darkness and carried on with the only thing that sparked happiness.

As you slid across the floor, your ankle gave out from underneath you, and sent you tumbling to the ground like a bag of bricks. You hissed in pain and laid there for a moment, the sound of your heavy breaths intertwining with the beat of the music. Once again you found yourself looking up at the ceiling, lost in your own thoughts. All you wanted to do was light a match and burn every negative thought that came to mind, and since that was impossible, the only way to distract yourself was to keep on dancing.

You sat up with a sigh as soon as your breaths calmed down, and tossed yourself up onto your feet despite the ache in your ankle. You kept going and going until you couldn't no more, and as the bright sun rose through the morning fog, you turned off your music and walked over to your duffel bag. You slid off the sweat-stained t-shirt you were wearing, leaving you only in your sports bra. You quickly tossed on your spare shirt and slid on your slides. As you made your way out of the mirrored room, you reached for the door that was opened right out of your grasp. A boy with long black hair stood tall in front of you, and you looked up into his eyes. You noticed his tattooed hand at the same time he noticed yours, and you offered him a soft smile.

He looked tired and worn out, half of his face covered in a mask that matched the darkness of his hair. You noticed the hopeful glimmer in his eyes that seemed to resemble yours, and you had to do a double take. He bowed respectfully and stepped to the side so you could exit, and you bowed back as you walked through. He must've been a trainee, you were sure you haven't seen him anywhere else, and you would've remembered someone so similar to you.

Your manager caught the sight of you and frantically ran to your side. "Y/n, your rehearsal doesn't start until seven. You know you aren't supposed to be traveling without your body guards."

You sighed and continued to walk ahead while he was shuffling papers in his hands. His thinning hair was greasy and his eyes were bloodshot. Was there a possibility of something being wrong? You stopped in your tracks and he slid to a halt next to you. "Mr. Kim?" You raised an eyebrow and turned to him. "What happened this time that I don't know about?"

You could've sworn you saw a drip of sweat fall from his brow. "What do you mean? There's nothing wrong." He chuckled heavily and you crossed your arms in protest.

"I know there is, I can read you like a damn book." You groaned and started to walk again with him in tow. "So you better tell me before I go online."

He sighed as his footsteps picked up speed. "It's nothing more than sasaengs and antis online. It's just getting a bit out of hand."

You nodded and turned into the stairwell with Mr. Kim in tow. "Okay, what are they claiming this time?"

He paused. "There's a few. Do you want me to tell you all of it?" He glanced into your eyes with worry and you nodded. "Okay. The first is about your relationship with Sungho. Apparently you dont hang out enough with him, and they're saying that you're toxic."

You couldn't help but scoff. As if that was the issue. You've dealt with trips to the emergency room and forever scars on your heart, and you're the toxic one? Impossible. But what can you do? If you deny it, they will only find another way to put the blame on you.

You kept quiet and signaled him to continue.

"The other thing is a given, people are freaking about how you revealed your tattoos on stage yesterday. They're calling you—and I quote— "dirty whore", "bad influence" , "arrogant bitch" and "a disgrace to Korean culture."

You pursed your lips to hold back your harsh thoughts. Just in case someone was listening, you sighed and nodded in understanding. "Okay." Is all you said, and the never ending cycle began again.

You thought back to the start of your memories and the blur of an image of a brother you never knew. Your parents were long gone and you had no idea where they were, and you figured growing up as an orphan had a big impact on your mental health. The scattered memory of seeing your mother's smile, to seeing a young boy with the same eyes as you made you long for a relationship of love. You wanted to have a parental figure, even if you were a grown adult. You wanted to know that brother of yours, and you wanted to know why you couldn't remember anything else but their eyes.

Eyes were the window of one’s soul. So you found it strange that the only thing you remembered was the sparkle in their eyes as you shared the last memory of them.

You broke out of your daze and opened the door to exit the stair well. You had an excuse to distract yourself when you realized you left your phone in the practice room. Not remembering that someone else was in there, you found yourself pushing through the door and startling the boy who was dancing. He crashed to the ground the same way you did and yelped as he landed. You gasped and dropped your duffel bag, and ran to his side. His mask was off now, and his dark hair was covering the wide eyes you once saw.

"I'm so sorry, its my fault." You murmured and reached out to his ankle. "Are you okay? Do you need ice?" You softly touched his ankle without realizing it.

He kept quiet as he looked up at you. You noticed the slight flakes of a golden brown in the black irises, and the reflection of the lights in his eyes. His tattooed hand reached out and met your hand, and he picked it up off of him slowly. He didn't set your hand down, he just held it as he couldn't tear his gaze away from you. "Do I know you?" He quietly asked you, and your breath caught in your throat. It was as if you were the same person. You had the same nose, same wide-eyed gaze. You noticed his gaze move back and forth from your eyes to his hand, and he quickly dropped your hand and cleared his throat. "Forgive me, you just seem oddly familiar. That could be because you're famous, I don't know what I'm talking about—" he cut himself off with a harsh laugh and stood up fine, and offered a hand out to help you up. "I'm Jeon Jungkook."

You watched as his inked hand reached out to you and you smiled, gripping his hand to stand. "I'm—"

"Y/n. I know." He blushed, and let go of your hand. "You're amazing, I hope you know that."

Your heart skipped a beat. Not in a romantic way, but in a way where you felt as if all your efforts were finally acknowledged. Somehow all those sleepless nights and dry eyes felt not needed, and for the first time, a real smile found your lips. "Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed that."

You distanced yourself from the man and looked around the room for your phone. He watched as you made your way over to the window-sill, and once you grabbed it and turned around, you noticed the way he was fiddling with his fingers. For a man who looked so intimidating, he seemed to be extremely shy. You walked over to him. "Is your ankle honestly okay?" You softly asked him. He seemed like a spitting image of you and you couldn't ignore it, but you also didn't want to freak him out since you just met him.

he took a second to respond and looked down at his feet, then back up at you. "Mhm. Yeah, its okay." He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at you, but shook his head and opened his mouth to speak. "I'm sorry, but I—do you have any siblings?"

That was an odd question, but you were dying to ask him that as well. "I..think so?" You stuttered as past memories of the boy's smile filled your mind.

He chuckled as he noticed you fiddle with your fingers. "You think so? Wouldn't you know if you had a sibling?" When he noticed your far-off look, his laugh fell off and he immediately apologized. "I'm sorry if I hit a nerve, I didn't mean to—"

"I just have memory loss from a long time ago, but I do remember having a brother." You found yourself saying, but the vulnerability of a stranger knowing your private life changed your whole stance. "Anyway, it was nice to meet you, Jungkook."

You gave him one last look and then scurried out of the room in fears of discovering your past.

Your cycle repeated and you were standing in front of another few thousand people just like the day before. What was different wasn't just your revealing outfit, but the thoughts that filled your head. You couldn't stop them this time, and it hindered your performance. For the first time in years, you felt like wanting to cry, and the worst part was that you had no idea why. Could it be the hole in your heart and your past begging to be sealed up? Could it be the throbbing pain in your head from the aftermath of a fight with Sungho? Of could it be the endless battle of longing for the person you used to be?

You didn't know, but something was affecting you to the point of no return. It had you gasping for air and not being able to grasp it, as if you were drowning in the deepest ocean. You couldn't touch the bottom, and had no where to find your footing. That left you rushing off the stage early in a fit of anxiety, nearly passing out as you tuned out the cheers of the crowd calling you back into the limelight.

Your vision blurred as you crashed into the wall, but you kept going until you found an exit door. The chilly night air hit you at every square inch of your body and you crumbled down to the ground, holding yourself as you shook anxiously. Still no tears fell despite the ache behind your dark irises. You were alone, cold, and vulnerable. People awaited your presence, and the only thing you could do was run away from it. How pathetic.

Your manager and bodyguard came to your side and guided you to your dressing room. They set you down on the floor and let you calm down before asking you if you needed anything. You needed to breathe, that's all. Maybe you needed validation, but that wasn't coming.

You slowly blinked, once again staring up at the spinning ceiling. One minute you found yourself in your dressing room, the next you awake in the comfort of your own home.

It was all a blur. You weren't quite sure if you walked here on your own two feet, or if it was while you were knocked out. Either way, you were under your lush blankets and your uncomfortable clothes were still on.

After a few moments of trying to remember what happened, you freaked as flashbacks of running off the stage came to your mind. You quickly looked for your phone and grabbed it out of its charger to look online. You knew you shouldn't, but the suspense was killing you.

Articles of your mental health began to show as well as hatred for the way you treat your boyfriend. A multitude of people are hating on your actions, and big reporting companies posted all about how insane you are. Go figure.

Despite the pain all of this caused, you kept scrolling and scrolling, reading the harsh words that seemed to be repeating like some kind of chant, until you came across one singular post that caught your eye.

There was no hate. No anger. Just encouragement. The person stated about how important you are to them, and to never think it's wrong to be yourself. It nearly brought you to tears, and even if it isn't the most articulate way of speaking, you couldn't help but comment on it in acknowledgment. Luckily, you didn't run your main account often and had a side account so no one would assume who you were.

You couldn't help but take notice at how they signed the short letter to you—with the initial "H". You checked their profile and sure, there were plenty of thirsty tweets about you. But you saw the love this person had for you and you alone, and even if it was just some stranger online whom you didn't even know, they made you feel your worth. They made you feel personal. They made you feel...sexy.

So you did what any "sane" person would do.

You followed them.

"Hobi, can you pass me the rice?" Jang-Mi asked Hoseok as she sat across from him in his home.

With a mouthful of food, he nodded and passed his sister the delicious rice. But when a large hand reached out to grab the bowl first, Hoseok raised an eyebrow. "Come on, dude. She asked me."

Seokjin took a chopstick full of rice and smacked his lips in front of hobi with a smirk. "And I'll give them to her now." He said and handed the bowl to a smiling Jang-Mi.

Hoseok scoffed and took a scoop of his own. "Remember Hyung, I was the guy who helped you find your girl, k?" He chewed loudly and took another scoop. "And what are you guys doing here so late? Gimme the rice back."

As if it knew he wasn't doing anything, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He reached to grab it as he believed it was his good friend Jungkook, but when he noticed another notification above the message, he clicked on it. It was just another account that seemed to love you, and hobi shrugged and then looked at the message his friend sent.

He already knew what happened and your concert, and had already written a paragraph in hopes for you to see it. But with the reality that you aren't an active social media user, it was a far fetched idea that you'd ever see it.

Hoseok hit the follow back button on the new account that followed him, not expecting anything of it. He set his phone down onto the table and brought his attention back to his sister.

"Have you heard anything from Jimin?" He asked Seokjin with a mouthful of food. "How's his wife?"

Seokjin smiled wide and looked to Jang-Mi lovingly. "Their baby is so cute, Jimin wont stop posting photos of him." He said, then wrapped an arm around his girlfriend. "We should all go out for drinks this weekend."

Hoseok is an avid drinker with a grimy past. With one sharp look from Jang-Mi, Hoseok let out a sigh and moved his gaze to Jin. "I'm down."

That earned a glare from his sister. "Hoseok, remember what I told you about drinking?"

"Yeah, yeah. Ill try to stop. Just let me have fun for one more night, noona." He pleaded, but knew he was going to do what he wanted anyway, although he appreciated his sister's worry.

She sighed, and then glanced at her lover. “Okay, fine. But I won’t be able to help you home, so bring your friend. What was his name? It started with a j—“

“Oh! Jungkook?” Hoseok smiled from ear to ear. “He’s actually an idol trainee, so I’m not sure if he’ll have time to come out with us. But I’ll ask.”

Jang-Mi took a sip of her glass of water. “You better. It’s either he comes with or you can’t go. I don’t trust you when you’re drunk.”

“I got it I got it.” He huffed, and peaked at Seokjin. “Aren’t you famous or something, shouldn’t you be doing famous people things?” He asked him with a smirk.

Seokjin smirked, and leaned onto the table. “I’d much rather spend time with Jang-Mi. She’s way more important.” He said lovingly while Hoseok gagged.

With a disgusted face, hobi waved his hand in front of his face. “Okay, no. Gross.” He said shortly, and backed up in his chair to put his dish in the sink. “Noona, it’s your turn to wash the dishes.”

“What? I don’t even live here.” She chuckled, but still stood up to help out while Hoseok ran out of the room. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going out with Kook!” He simply yelled, offering no explanation about what he would be doing.

“You better not be going to the club again, you were just there the other day.” She sighed as she scrubbed away, but when Hoseok didn’t answer, she just stayed quiet.

A few minutes later, Hoseok emerged from his room in a colorful ensemble, ready for a night out in the city. He was going to the club, but only because they had the best array of alcohol on the area. He knew of his addiction and he knew the cause, but he just couldn’t seem to stop the feeling of numbness as he drank. It was childish, but was worth the headaches and the hangovers.

“See you, Noona.” He kissed the top of her head and then respectfully bowed to Seokjin. “Bye, Jin Hyung.”

He left the room before they could respond to him and tossed his sneakers on. He then walked through the door and as it shut behind him, he was now one with the city.

—

“Do you want ice?” The bartender asked you as loud music pounded through your eardrums.

It was super late, around one in the morning. After you woke up and read the comments about you, there was no way you were sleeping. So again, you did what any sane person would do.

Go clubbing.

It was a place you frequented. Somehow the alcohol that dripped down your throat soothed the burn of your mentality, and it seemed like the best option after all of the negative thoughts. Usually you’d settle for a private room away from people, but today—like every other day—you just wanted to be normal.

“No, just rum and coke.” You nodded as you spoke, and leaned onto your elbows, propping your chin up.

With your face hidden behind a dark mask and your body fully clothed, you looked like the total opposite of your public persona. You really liked dark baggy clothing, but you had no choice when it came to it. You had no control. No leg room. Just an endless pit of fraudulence.

As the bartender slid you the drink, you gripped your fingers around the cold glass just as a familiar boy sat next to you.

Dressed in all black, he sad down swiftly next to you while his friend stumbled abruptly into the seat next to him, his dark hair gracefully falling over his eyes. You couldn’t help but stare at him, but as soon as your eyes met the familiar boy’s ones, you realized who he was.

“Oh.” He smiled at you, his head covered in the hood of his sweatshirt. “You’re—“

“Shh.” You drunkenly hushed him and he nodded, while his attractive friend slumped his body across the bar right after ordering a drink.

You peaked around jungkook to see the boy who was too drunk to lift his head. His hair had a bit of curl to it, and it was as dark as night. His eyes were closed, but you wished they were open and looking at you. His lips were curled up in a smile, as if he was dreaming of something pleasant. Maybe it was the alcohol boiling your blood, but you were smitten with someone you didn’t even know.

“Who’s your friend?” You asked jungkook. “He doesn’t look so good.”

Just as you said it, the stranger’s eyes slowly blinked open to meet yours. His beautiful irises bled into yours as if he knew you, and he smiled before closing them again.

“Oh, yeah. He had too much.” Jungkook said, then patted his pockets. “I’m sorry, but could you keep an eye on him? I think I lost my phone.” He stood up and smiled at you, and before he left he looked over at his friend. “Also make sure he doesn’t have another drink, he keeps sneaking them.”

Before you could protest, he bolted away and left you alone with the attractive boy. You glanced from side to side to see if anyone was looking, and you moved to the seat next to him.

You didn’t know what to do. As thoughts besides negative feelings roamed around your mind, you caught yourself becoming attracted to a man you didn’t even speak to. You carefully touched his shoulders to shake him awake. “Excuse me?” You muttered, and leaned closer to him.

He groaned as he woke, and his hazy eyes looked up to meet yours. Although most of your face was covered, he smiled as he saw how beautiful your eyes were. “Pretty.” Is all he said, and his hand slowly reached up to your face. “You look like someone.”

“I don’t look like anyone.” You quickly spoke, worried about your identity being exposed. The bartender brought over a tall drink and you grabbed it before he could get his hands on it.

“Hey, that’s mine.” He slurred, and leaned over towards you.

You pulled the drink further away from him, and he lost his balance as he tried to reach it. His head crashed into your chest and you quickly wrapped your arms around his body in efforts to stop him from falling. You stiffened, and felt your ice cold heart start to beat faster and faster as you stared down at his soft hair.

He breathed heavily into the crook of your neck, his arms falling limp on his sides. There was something about this stranger that set off a spark in you. You were curious about his past, his present. You wanted to hear his story behind those dark eyes of his, and why he smiled even when he was asleep.

“Your friend said you can’t have it.” You said softly, and dropped your hands from the embrace. He didn’t move his head yet—maybe he didn’t have the strength to. Still, you kept your hands to yourself as he leaned into you.

You knew your thoughts were wrong. You knew you had a boyfriend, and you never pegged yourself to be a cheater. And you would never cheat on a man you loved.

And you didn’t love him.

In a way, your attraction to this stranger felt like you were able to break free from the chains that bonded you to your abuser. He seemed like he had no threat to you, and it could be his drunken demeanor or the soft smile on his face, but you wished you could drop everything and spend the night with this man.

Who said you couldn’t? Surely management and sasaengs would have a problem with it, and all the hate you received about how awful you treat your boyfriend—which wasn’t true—will turn back up on you. Was this your chance to break out of the abuse? Was it worth the hate? At this moment, anything was worth it.

Although it seemed like a great idea to sleep with this stranger, you couldn’t take advantage of a drunk person. Maybe if you just cause a scene enough to get in the tabloids, you could lose the person who made you lose yourself.

As the idea sparked in your mind, you ripped off your mask to reveal your face, and softly gripped the boy’s shoulders to sit him up straight. “Hey, look at me.” You held him by the shoulders as his head bobbled, and his eyes finally met yours.

He studied your face with his mouth slightly agape, and you quickly glanced around to see if anyone recognized you. When it seemed like no one noticed, you leaned in closer to the boy. “What’s your name?” You said loudly so he could hear you over the bass of the music.

“Hoseok.” He smiled at you, his eyes barely open. His lips were a soft pink, and his hair framed his face perfectly. “You’re very pretty, has anyone told you that you look like y/n?” He stumbled over his words as he swayed in his seat, and you gripped onto him harder.

You noticed that look in his eyes. The direct look that pierced into your soul, and the slight smile on his lips. He was the definition of ethereal, and now that you were thinking about it, it wasn’t fair to bring him into your problems. You frantically looked around the room and quickly tossed your mask back on, hoping no one was able to recognize you.

“No, I’ve never heard that.” You released your grip from his shoulders, but you had to move them right back after he almost crashed into your chest. “Why are you drinking so much, Hoseok?” You couldn’t help but ask, and the smile on his face didn’t reach his eyes.

“It numbs the pain.” He said shortly, and as he looked into your eyes, he tilted his head to focus on you. “But I think I just got sober.”

You knew that was a lie, but his expression definitely changed. His hand reached out to caress your head as if he knew you. “Why are you covering your face? It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

You couldn’t focus, you were too worried about someone seeing you. So you grabbed onto his hand that was propped up on the table. “Come with me.” You stated, giving him no time to stop you. You both stumbled up the stairs and down the hall, and then finally entered a private room that felt insanely more comfortable.

You shut the door behind you and let go of Hoseok’s hand. He tumbled onto the cushion of the velvet couch and nearly bumped his head off of the coffee table. “Careful.” You whispered, and your vision blurred. You nearly forgot that you drank a bunch of alcohol, and it must’ve took your adrenaline to reach new heights to finally hit your system. His back was up against the back of the couch, and his legs were spread out wide, begging to be sat on. His head was tilted back, and his hair fell across his beautiful face.

Maybe is was the dimmed lighting, or the way hoseok was sitting on the couch, you couldn’t help but approach him slowly. As if he was your prey, you reached him and played with your food. “Hey, I’m sorry in advance for the things I want to do to you.” You hummed, and sat in his lap, your knees caging him in on both sides.

He brought his head up and his eyes met yours once again. He looked at you with a devious smile and blinked. “What do you want to do to me?” He breathed, and his hands found your waist. Your face was still covered with your dark mask, but luckily the room was dark enough to cover it just as well. You looked down at the beautiful stranger and watched as his hands slowly reached your face. His fingertips softly grazed your ears as he gently took your mask off, and you let him.

You didn’t have a good time with touch. The only time you let someone touch you was when you were drunk, and the heavy feeling of the trail of fingertips felt more numb than anything. That left you here after a night filled with irritation, and the arms of a stranger you barely knew. You cautiously ran your hands through his hair and he groaned, his eyes closing. Everything about this man made you want to toss whatever you worked for away in a second. But why? You only knew his name and the fact that he drinks to numb his pain, but you desired to know the things he wanted to forget. The reason why he wanted to be numb.

You leaned into him and his forehead bumped into yours, and you exhaled anxiously as his touch on your hips caused your heart to skip a beat.

It was something about how gentle he was even if he was loaded off his ass. He still had human decency to be cautious with you, to touch you softly, to tell you that you’re beautiful. And as your lips neared his, you backed away in respect. Luckily he was too drunk to care, and he slumped onto your shoulder again. This time you held him to you.

You slowly moved and laid him down on his side on the comfortable couch. He moaned softly as his head met the velvet, and you watched as his chest rose and fell with every breath he took.

You smiled. Genuinely. One of the only times you brought yourself to smile because you wanted to. You kind of wanted the public to believe you had a one night stand with someone other than your boyfriend, but you didn’t want that because you didn’t want this man to be in a mess of lies with you. He didn’t deserve it and it seemed like he had a bunch of things going on.

But you didn’t want to forget about him. Even if you couldn’t spend the night intimately together, you made it worth your while as you saw him comfortably sleep on a random club couch, regardless of how weird the situation was.

You reached out to brush away the stray strand of his hair that was askew, but stopped right before you were able to. Why was it so hard to let yourself let go? It was just a strand of hair, what was so hard about touch?

You didn’t know how deep Sungho cut into your heart until it came to another interest. You always figured it was deep, but never enough to hinder you from finding your own happiness.

You pulled your hand back and stayed with him, making sure he was okay without worry. After a bit of time passed, you fell asleep too on the other end of the couch, surprisingly comfortable through the sounds of his snores and the endless thoughts in your mind.

And for the first time, those thoughts weren’t all that bad.

Taglist: @theaufanartist @bringmetheksj

#bangtan sonyeondan #bts #bts fanfic #bts hoseok #hobi #hoseok x y/n #hoseok x reader #idol au #jeon jungkook #jung hoseok

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fatliberation · 4 years ago

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Here Are Some Fat Positive Activists, Educators, Therapists, and Artists to Know!

First and foremost, the pioneer of organized fat activism:

• Bill Fabrey (he/him)

Bill Fabrey, a self-proclaimed fat admirer, founded NAAFA (the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) in 1969 after gaining an understanding of the day-to-day oppression and discrimination faced by his wife, Joyce. Fabrey founded the organization in hopes to raise awareness of weight stigma, criticize biased studies, and increase overall acceptance and accessibility to fat Americans. He is considered one of the pioneers of the fat liberation movement, and is heavily involved to this day.

• Judy Freespirit, Sara Fishman, Lynn McAfee, Ariana Manow, & Gudrun Fonfa (she/her for each)

(Members of The Fat Underground, 1979)

Fat, radical, feminist members of NAAFA! Their agenda was much more aggressive than NAAFA’s, and eventually they broke off and formed their own group called The Fat Underground, which acted as a catalyst in the creation and mobilization of the fat liberation movement. Based in LA in the 1970s, the Fat Underground did not fight to change discriminatory laws but rather discriminatory thoughts and practices in different aspects of society, which included those of doctors and other health professionals who perpetuated the unhealthy habits encouraged by diet culture. In 1973, Judy Freespirit and Alderbaran published the “Fat Liberation Manifesto” which establishes that fat people are entitled to what they were denied on a daily basis: “human respect and recognition.” The other objectives then outline the commercial exploitation of fat bodies by both corporations and scientific institutions. (x) I will go into more detail about the Fat Underground in my next post, “The History of Fat Activism!”

• Dr. Lindo Bacon (they/them), PhD

(no photo)

Creator of the concept of HAES (Health At Every Size).

Dr. Bacon is best known for their paradigm-shifting research and advocacy upending the weight discourse. They have mined their deep academic proficiency, wide-ranging clinical expertise and own personal experience to write two best-selling books, Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight, and the co-authored Body Respect: What Conventional Health Books Get Wrong, Leave Out, or Just Plain Fail to Understand about Weight. Both are credited with transforming the weight discourse and inspiring a hopeful new course for the fat liberation movement. Dr. Bacon holds their PhD in physiology, as well as graduate degrees in psychology and exercise metabolism. Dr. Bacon formerly taught at City College of San Francisco, in the Health Education, Psychology, Women’s Studies, and Biology Departments. A professor and researcher, for almost two decades Dr. Bacon has taught courses in social justice, health, weight and nutrition; they have also conducted federally funded studies on health and weight and published in top scientific journals. Their research has been supported by grants from the United States Department of Agriculture and the National Institutes of Health. A truly great pioneer in medical health research!

https://lindobacon.com/ | HAES | IG

• Aubrey Gordon, a.k.a. Your Fat Friend (she/her)

(no photo)

Aubrey Gordon writes about the social realities of life as a very fat person, previously publishing anonymously as Your Fat Friend. She is the author of What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Lit Hub, Vox, Gay Mag, and has been covered in outlets around the world. She also hosts the podcast Maintenance Phase, in which she and cohost Michael Hobbes debunk and decode wellness and weight loss trends. Her articles are incredibly heartfelt and enlightening. You can read all of them at www.yourfatfriend.com !!

@ yrfatfriend on IG & Twitter

• Sabrina Strings (she/her), PhD

Sabrina Strings is an associate professor of sociology at the University of California, Irvine and the author of Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia, which exposes fatphobia’s roots in anti-blackness. Strings contributed an opinion story to The New York Times titled “It’s Not Obesity. It’s Slavery.” With Lindo Bacon (creator of HAES), she coauthored “The Racist Roots of Fighting Obesity,” published in Scientific American. Strings has a BA in psychology and an MA and PHd in sociology. This book is #1 on my to-read list!!

https://www.sabrinastrings.com

• Hannah Fuhlendorf (she/her), MA LPCC NCC

Hannah is a highly educated and experienced counselor whose work focuses on self acceptance, eliminating the effects of internalized oppression, and practicing through a HAES lens. She is a fat liberationist who puts out educational videos daily. Hannah is also married to a healthcare professional, and the two of them are working toward making the medical field more accessible to fat people in their local community, and offering education on how to be fat allies. I really admire Hannah and the work that she does!

@ hannahtalksbodies on IG and TikTok

• Tracy Cox (she/her)

Tracy is an award-winning performer and artist, who co-created the web series “Angry Fat People” with Matthew Anchel, which takes a pop culture approach on serious issues faced by fat performers. She has been interviewed by the New York Times on fat politics and accessibility, and currently has a huge following on IG where she unpacks fat performance, fashion, and politics. You may know her as the creator of the ‘fat vanity’ trend on TikTok!

@ sparklejams on IG & TikTok

• Da’Shaun L. Harrison (they/them)

Da’Shaun is a non-binary abolitionist, community organizer, and writer. They are currently a managing editor and columnist at Wear Your Voice Magazine. They travel throughout the United States and abroad to speak at conferences, colleges, and lead workshops focused on Blackness, queerness, gender, class, religion, (dis)abilities, fatness, and the intersection at which they all meet. Da’Shaun is the author of the book Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness, which is expected to be published in July 2021. They have an incredibly enlightening social media presence as well!!

@ dashaunlh on IG and Twitter

• Lauren Buchness (she/her)

Lauren Buchness is one of my favorite artists. She’s a contemporary artist and fat activist based in Tucson, Arizona. By combining painting & performance, she aims to question Western standards of beauty and create conversations that alter preconceived notions about the fat body. Go check out her gorgeous work!!

@ ladybuchness on IG and TikTok

If you’re interested in learning about diet culture and intuitive eating, check out

Shana Minei Spence (she/her), MS RDN CDN

Shana is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist who opposes food restriction and encourages intuitive eating! She spreads food positive daily messages on her platform. She used to work in fashion, but she left after being dissatisfied with the industry and went back to school to become involved in food policy and public health. She offers counseling on a HAES approach. I have much respect for Shana!

@ thenutritiontea on IG

And right here on tumblr (who was my personal introduction to fat lib) -

@ bigfatscience !!!

An anonymous fat liberationist. They share so many great resources, diving head-first into the scientific research of weight and health, they’ve found that the relation between the two is extremely complex. They tackle the biases of research in a system that profits off of fatphobia, and they offer a fat positive perspective based on scientific studies. Their blog serves as an easily accessible resource for fat folx and fat activists who want to learn about fat positive science to support their own personal interests/activism. Thank you for your work, bigfatscience!! (if you have questions for them, you will have a greater chance of getting a response with anon off!)

• Sonalee Rashatwar (she/they), LCSW MEd

Sonalee is an award-winning clinical social worker, sex therapist, and grassroots organizer. They’re a superfat queer bisexual non-binary therapist and co-owner of Radical Therapy Center. Sonalee is specialized in treating sexual trauma, internalized fatphobia, immigrant kid guilt, and South Asian family systems, while offering fat positive sexual healthcare. Go, Sonalee!!

@ thefatsextherapist on IG

• Fat Rose (org)

Fat Rose organizes fat people, building a more radical fat liberation movement in strong relationship with other social movements, such as anti-fascism, anti-ableism, and anti-racism. Check them out on Facebook!

fatrose.org

Honorable IG mentions: (Some anti diet culture specific blogs in here, as well)

@fatangryblackgirl @msgigggles @thefatphobiaslayer @bodyimagewithbri @saucyewest @fatpositivetherapy @fatlippodcast @chairbreaker

BOOKS

And here’s an amazing list of fat-positive book recommendations from HannahTalksBodies!

Science & Health:

Health at Every Size by Lindo Bacon PhD

Body Respect by Lindo Bacon PhD and Lucy Aphramor PhD, RD

Secrets from the Eating Lab by Traci Mann PhD

Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison MPH, RD

Fat Liberation:

Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings PhD

Fat Activism by Dr. Charlotte Cooper

Fat Politics by J. Eric Oliver

The Fat Studies Reader by Esther Rothblum (Editor) and Sondra Solovay (Editor)

Fat Shame by Amy Erdman Farrell

Self Acceptance:

The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor

Things No One will Tell Fat Girls by Jes Baker

Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnson PhD

Happy Fat by Sofie Hagan

You have the Right to Remain Fat by Virgie Tovar

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to share this list of resources!

Image descriptions below.

1. [ID: A black and white photo of Bill Fabrey, a straight-sized, balding white man with thick black glasses wearing a suit and tie, standing at a poduim in front of a sign that reads, “NAAFA”. Beside the image is another photo of Fabrey, from his left side.]

2. [ID: A black and white photo of seven fat, female and gender non-conforming members of The Fat Underground, performing a recital.]

3. [ID: The cover of Sabrina Strings’ book, Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia. On the cover is an illustration of four upper-class white people in fancy colonial period clothing showing shock and disgust at a Black woman’s exposed body. Beside the book cover is a photo of Sabrina Strings, a straight-sized Black woman with dark brown curly hair wearing a blouse.]

4. [ID: Hannah Fulhendorf, a fat, white woman with straight hair dyed blue, wearing a black tank top and holding her shoulder while smiling brightly and looking into the camera.]

5. [ID: An artistic picture of Tracy Cox, a fat, white woman with long, straight brown hair, laying topless on a bed of flowers. There are flower petals placed strategically in her hair on her skin, and along her lower eyelid. Beside that image, is an image of the album cover for Angry Fat People, picturing two angry faces made out of white paper against a grey background. In the top left corner, black, bolded text that reads “AFP” and “FAT LIBERATION”.]

6. [ID: Da’Shaun L. Harrison, a fat, non-binary Black person with a beard, glasses, and long dreadlocks, wearing a shirt that reads, “TO BE VISIBLY QUEER IS TO CHOOSE YOUR HAPPINESS OVER YOUR SAFETY. -DA’SHAUN HARRISON” against a natural backdrop of autumn leaves.]

7. [ID: A watercolor painting by Lauren Buchness of a white and tattooed fat body, hands caressing abstract rolls of fat with wild blueberries and grapefruit between folds. Beside it is another Buchness watercolor painting of Black hands with long sharp nails, caressing the midsection of a fat Black body, with purple crystals growing out of the skin.]

8. [ID: Shana Minei Spence, a straight-sized, Black woman smiling with bright pink lipstick and her long wavy hair pulled back, wearing a floral pattern shirt and jean shorts. She is holding small marquee that reads, “BE CAREFUL OF WELLNESS COMPANIES THAT SAY THEY’RE PROMOTING HEALTH YET ARE STILL ONLY TRYING TO GET YOUR BODY SMALLER” and a heart symbol.]

9. [ID: Sonalee Rashatwar, a superfat, South Asian non-binary person with short black hair, wearing a long floral dress, standing in front of large glowing text that reads, “BIG GIRL ENERGY” against a coarse-textured wall.]

10. [ID: A circular logo with a red fist in the center, with text surrounding it that reads, “FATTIES AGAINST FASCISM” with roses separating the word “RESIST”. Beside it is another image, of eleven fat and superfat activists, standing and sitting on mobility scooters, holding fists and middle fingers in the air, wearing T-shirts and holding banners that both read, “FATTIES AGAINST FASCISM”. In front of the group is a large cardboard sign that spells the acronym “F.A.B.” which stands for “Fat Antifascist Brigade”.]

#fat activists #people #fat liberation #fat activism #fat positivity #resources #anti diet culture #anti-diet #anti-fatphobia #anti-racism #haes #masterpost

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lordiavolo22 · 2 years ago

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aghsggwdhh.... i want to write this post abt like lesbian thirteen and how lesbians rly dont get any sort of rep... and how bi women and lesbians pit eachother against eachother sm... like the whole xena rhing where xena is really important to a lot of lesbians and was lesbian coded the whole time—but to appease straight men they wrote her in a bf so they could be like "DW GUYS!!! shes totally straight just like you!!!" and when i saw there would be a new xena with a canon lesbian xena i got rly excited!! until i saw that people said it wasnt a lesbian victory but a bisexual loss... :( and i just like i *get* i understand wanting your team / side to win, and i know NONE of us in the community get any good rep pretty much ever, but i just wish ppl would kinda let everyone have their own hcs and not get upset and turn it into a political battle when we (lesbians and bi women) shoulr be holding hands and frolicking together!!! we can have multiple canons and i think its okay. if xena is bi in the original and lesbian in the new thats okay. if u genuinely see thirteen as a lesbian, or lucifer as gay thats okay!!! its only taking away repersentation if its retconned in the same canon or you make them straight!!

#i just think we should focus our anger on the disgusting anti lgbt laws that are passed everyday in every country instead of like. who gets #to call who what #u know?? :( sorry i dont want to make anyone upset but this is important to me #personal

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rochastocade · 2 years ago

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someone's identity or definition of it evolving isn't a loss for one group of people and a win for another.

respect what ppl elect to share about themselves with you.

the only human beings meant to 'represent you' are like... your elected representatives and lawyers.

be glad somebody's able to learn more about themselves and celebrate with them. at least in my own journey i've seen that the difference between gays and bisexuals can often be merely in definition. but the community* is often just the same. it's beautiful and also not that serious.

some people will never even feel the need to say they are either or, be it gender or sexuality.

work on getting more comfortable with uncertainty or lack of definition.

you don't need to know anything about anybody's sexuality or gender they don't openly share with you. if you find someone attractive, that's on you, and you don't deserve to get angry if they subvert your expectations.

we don't even know how human consciousness works and you're mad when people "get it wrong" when defining their identities? as if human sexuality could even be fully explained with any one language? have humility

*to be clear there's a multiplicity of communities and they obviously don't all work the same. as said, what i've tried to word here are my own experiences etc.

#txt #lil nas x related

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negrotti-natalie · 3 years ago

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Turner is the first out bisexual man to win HOH can you believe that

today i learned that turner was bi. and as a bi. this is a loss for the bi community

#bb24 #this isnt the representation i want

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coymessner · 2 years ago

Photo

𝙸𝙽𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙳𝚄𝙲𝙸𝙽𝙶 * ⸻ 𝐜𝐨𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐧𝐞𝐫.

✿ * · ( rudy pankow , male , he/him ) a little birdy told me COY MESSNER just moved to sunset hills . have you met them yet ? they look somewhere around TWENTY - TWO , if i had to guess ! pretty sure i heard them driving down the street playing SHAKE ME DOWN by CAGE THE ELEPHANT , they sounded a little pitchy but they had the spirit ! must be their favorite or something . hey … it looks like they just moved into SUNSET VILLAGE . have you heard about what they do for a living ? someone told me they’re a PROFESSIONAL SURFER / SURF SHOP OWNER , but who knows if that’s even true . guess we’re just gonna have to wait and see . nervous ? maybe you should be . sunset speaks just posted about them … apparently they're RESIDENT ID #001 ? between you and me , i think that might spark some things in the community … but what do i know ! you guys might get along just fine !

𝙵𝚄𝙻𝙻 𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙴 coy uriah messner

𝙽𝙸𝙲𝙺𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙴(𝚂) coy or cummies ( if you want him to hate you )

𝙰𝙶𝙴 twenty - two

𝙳𝙰𝚃𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙱𝙸𝚁𝚃𝙷 april 1st

𝚉𝙾𝙳𝙸𝙰𝙲 𝚂𝙸𝙶𝙽 aries

𝙿𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙱𝙸𝚁𝚃𝙷 cape town , south africa

𝙷𝙾𝙼𝙴𝚃𝙾𝚆𝙽 honolulu , hawaii

𝙶𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁 cis man

𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙽𝙾𝚄𝙽𝚂 he / him

𝚂𝙴𝚇𝚄𝙰𝙻 𝙾𝚁𝙸𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 bisexual

𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙶𝚄𝙰𝙶𝙴(𝚂) 𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 english & spanish

𝙾𝙲𝙲𝚄𝙿𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 professional surfer & surf shop owner

* ⸻ 𝙱𝙸𝙾𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙷𝚈 !

BORN INTO WATER, coy’s sure currents will be the same way he goes out. a water birth because his parents were hippies through and through; worldly individuals that deemed their second son : their sun. kieran, the first son, his brother : would be the moon, the stars, and everything in between before he wasn’t anymore.

YOU CAN NEVER COMPETE, if you don’t compare. coy learned this at a young age, the favoritism his parents held over his brother. however, coy never took it personally because his brother was the best person he knew; that everyone knew. his mother and father still showed coy affection and praised him when it was necessary, but there was always a slight edge that kieran had. their worry more focused on the older messner whereas coy could be as reckless as he wanted.

YING AND YANG, coy and kieran fit together like puzzle pieces. his older brother picked up the pieces where their parents didn’t; always checking in on coy and making sure to pour love into his little brother. they were inseparable and coy looked up to the male, wanting to take the best qualities that made people naturally gravitate toward him. kieran never lived the crust on sandwiches or pizza, so coy ate kieran’s crust. they always looked out for one another.

HIGH SCHOOL NEPOTISM, being the brother of kieran messner was automatic popularity. however, people were usually surprised when coy didn’t exude the same magnetism as his older brother. they still befriended him if only to meet the famous messner; though coy repressing the failed relationships. girls that only dated him to make moves on his brother or the males that got close just to ditch him whenever they came to hangout to instead bother kieran. staff from different clubs swarmed coy in hopes that they could say they bagged a messner that would bring them to victory.

WATER IS SANCTUARY, the only place coy felt the most himself was in the water. picking up surfing at a young age of his own free will; it was the only thing that he possessed that kieran or his parents didn’t care for. the waves could pull and take him peacefully, riding them like it was his calling until he turned hobby into career. qualified as the FIRST youngest surfer to compete and win in delegated category. coy didn’t stop at that; liking the attention that he’d gotten on his own talent.

FIRST LOSS, a party for the nearing end of his senior year and graduation should’ve been just that. coy had found his own people and on a high after getting his school on the news; winning two competitions in the year : one from surfing and the other from basketball game ; coy scored the last minute shot at a tied game plus multiple acclaimed colleges were knocking on his door. celebration was needed, but somewhere along the line he partied too hard, [ DEATH MENTION TW ] landing himself unable to function and needing kieran to pick him up. it didn’t help when he coerced his brother into drinking with him — sealed both their fate when he convinced kieran he was okay to drive them home. a mixture of drunk driving plus other driver texting resulted in the death of oldest messner. the day coy’s parents looked at him no longer as their sun, but a void.

REHABILIATION, his parents silently urged him to get help. suggested he relocate to SUNSET HILLS, CALIFORNIA. get away from the media and disconnect completely; reminding him that technology had sullied him. he quietly agreed, being handed a brochure for AA and grief / loss meetings they thought he needed to attend for his road to redemption, but also overcome his PTSD after the loss of kieran.

* ⸻ 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙳 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙽𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂 !

TBA

* ⸻ 𝙴𝚇𝚃𝚁𝙰 𝙸𝙽𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙼𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 !

fairly new to sunset hills, but his family probably visited a couple times on vacations or business trips. coy was always out and about, going to parties held at the colleges or attending events held.

[ ADDICTION TW ] coy is a recovering addict of fentanyl and alcohol. he currently goes to meetings and is sponsored. doesn’t talk about this to too many people unless they spot him or he acts off.

pinterest . spotify . parallels .

#sunsetintro #pinned.#death mention tw #drug mention tw

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pridewhatpride · 4 years ago

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do you have any gx rivalshipping hcs!! im super curious on your take of them :]

When I saw this ask my immediate reaction was thinking: "Yes, I have an excuse to talk about gx rivalshipping, YES."

So yeah. I love this ship a lot, like a whole damn lot and it's a little hard to explain why, especially when gx has so many open possibilities for romances involving Judai. By which I mean two, really, and Manjoume is not one of them (sadly for me). I am referring to Yubel and Johan, by the way, I refuse to acknowledge Asuka as a love interest.

I'll start off with a bit of fluff headcanons?

Manjoume thinks Winged Kuriboh is really cute and that its friendly and fluffy appearance screams Judai, in a way. But he will never admit it because of what that might imply for him and the Ojamas.

Manjoume is fueled by caffeine and monster, he only really starts to recognise how nice it can be to have a meal because of how much Judai enjoys his food. He tries to sit at the table with him with dumb excuses.

Judai feels a bit guilty for how his actions impacted Manjoume's life, but Manjoume generally tells him that it's fine, it's better this way, that he's never this happy, that the only reason why Judai should maybe feel bad about it is because of his tendency to get overly invested in other people's problems and getting hurt in the process. Judai responds with bear hugs.

Manjoume brags about Judai a lot, actually. "Oh you think that's cool? One time Judai managed to do a backflip, you loser." "Slifer reds suck, but they do have redeeming qualities, by which I mean one of them is actually good."

Judai likes to indulge himself in the thought that he's Manjoume's most trusted, that he's the only one who could ever be allowed to have that many incriminating pictures of him. Because Judai just loves taking candid pictures of Manjoume. He thinks he looks and and cool in every situation, so yeah. A part of him does it because he has an inexplicable fear of forgetting people and the way they look, but he just can't say why that is.

They hang out in silence a lot, but once they start talking they just never stop. You'll find them on the beach at 3 am with a smiling Manjoume listening to Judai go on about how crazy it is that you can fry food in so many different ways and how he once caught a butterfly as a kid and named it Kujaku.

They share their music a lot, so Manjoume's tastes switch from just emo to fast paced rap and the weirdly happy sounding songs about very morbid things Judai listens to (plus emo). Judai starts to enjoy a bit of angry screaming into microphones thanks to Jun. Do they sing along like idiots as they share earphones? Yes. Is Manjoume mesmerised by Judai's singing voice? Also yes.

Judai loves hiking and sometimes invites Manjoume, but because he's a lot weaker and has less stamina, they take it slow. Manjoume keeps cursing himself for being slow and dead weight, but Judai is just happy to have a companion. Admittedly, going slower makes the walks better as he has the time to enjoy the scenery properly. He never teases Jun about his lack of physical training.

Now... I wanted to talk about my general view on the ship, plus headcanons I guess, but this is going to be EVEN LONGER (you are getting more than you asked for, your fault for enabling me, really). For the sake of the sanity of mobile users, I'm adding a cut so nobody has to unwillingly scroll through endless text.

On to the the juice, then. My thoughts on the ship. Manjoume and Judai are, of course, the rivals of the series and, if my thoughts on rivalry weren't clear enough, I am one of those people. It's just really romantic to me. What is very interesting about the two of them specifically is that they are polar opposites in the way the reason why they play, throughout the whole series. Hell, their views end up getting reversed completely: Manjoume goes from "if I don't win I'm gonna have a breakdown breakdown" to "losing is ok, as long as I enjoy the game and am true to myself", while Judai does the 180 from "I really just love playing cards with my friends, who cares about the outcome, it's fun" to "I have card game related trauma, nobody speak to me, games are only an excuse to assert a sort of power scale and honestly fuck that".

Manjoume is sort of the only person in the 'friend group' (he's never actually part of it, sadly, literally only Judai and Fubuki like him) to not idolise Judai, not explicitly. He clearly has an admiration for Judai from the beginning, but he is adamant on expressing it as hatred towards for being better than him. A part of me feels that a lot of his superior act is meant to try and fool himself and Jaden into thinking that he's a worthy rival, because I know for a fact that Manjoume doesn't believe that. He wants it to be true, yes.

What I am trying to get at is that Judai is probably a little confused by the fact that Manjoume doesn't drool all over him like the rest of the school does, but it soon becomes a crutch. Judai is under a lot of pressure because he is the hero who will save everyone and people like to remind him of how much they count on him. Manjoume is in it for Judai. He wants to be acknowledged by him, he wants his recognition and his attention, but he never asks for help or expects Judai to fix his problems for him. Judai is probably thankful for that.

Manjoume is also really scared of being left behind and cast aside as soon as he stops being useful and that's exactly what the writers do to him!!! hooray!, but Judai keeps insisting that he's not a bad guy, that he's fun to be around, that he's competent. Manjoume doesn't really believe all that that much, but Jaden keeps playing him despite his repeated losses and to Jun that's the equivalent of someone kissing his tears away. Manjoume only learns to accept his losses and shortcomings because Judai did it for him first.

So basically Manjoume is the only one who fully sees Judai as a person, while Judai is the only one who is really willing to look past his pretentious facade. I fully believe that Judai was relieved to learn that Manjoume was not just a perfect boy with perfect manners, by the way. They both just love to learn about every imperfection that the other has and silently thinking that they just add to the beauty of the other's character. Will they tease eachother about it? Fuck yes. Do they feel awful when the other tries to fix something about themselves because they pointed it out? Also fuck yes.

They are in a dumb competition against themselves to be better in order to earn the right to be friends with eachother, but because they are fucking dumb they never actually communicate (until they do), so for a long time it's endless pining that is definitely not gay because admittedly Judai just doesn't think that dating is a thing, while Manjoume is straight™, really straight. He has never liked a boy in his life, he's so very fucking straight, I swear.

So Manjoume is a bisexual disaster (and in my headcanon he prefers boys, actually, the Asuka incident is the biggest example of denial™ ever. He prefers Fubuki, fight me over this). The problem is that he never really considered he might be crushing on Judai, but at the same time admitting to maybe liking boys too means that there was more to wanting to stay at DA, to hanging out with Judai's crew despite their mutual dislike, to his continuous playful headlocks and ear pulling. To add onto that, there is probably a certain amount of guilt over having betrayed that bond with Judai by trying to throw away his cards and everything. Judai, on the other hand... is confused at how bothered he is by the public declarations of love, because Manjoume is his rival and rivals are supposed to focus on eachother, not on some girl, no matter how good said girl is at card games.

So maybe they are a bit gay for eachother. And maybe they just want excuses to be together as much as possible. And it's really just the vibe of highschool romance between two people who don't want to admit to caring for one another on a deeper level, but are also weirdly possessive of eachother for no apparent reason. And I think I'll stop here with my gay retelling, but really if you look at the two of them you do see that they do a lot for eachother's characters. It's kind of beautiful, really. They are the two socially inept characters who find comfort in someone being just like them and understanding them as they change and grow up.

I have a lot to say about how that changes once the transfer students come in, but I think I've bored everyone for long enough- as in nobody will read this lol. That's ok. I thank you again for the ask and for allowing me to gush about this ship that is so close to my heart. If anyone ever wants to talk about them, just. Do. Break into my house at night and I still won't mind, I just want to talk about them.

#shut me up #i'm so sorry #i started and i couldn't stop #i also didn't want to be disappointing by giving an half-assed response #i've thought about this ask all night #i still improvised the whole thing and i'm sure you can tell #yugioh #ygo #yugioh gx #ygo gx #gx rivalshipping #manjoume jun #jun manjoume #chazz princeton #yuki judai #judai yuki #jaden yuki

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ambiguousdisorderken · 4 years ago

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in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel. Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” // Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23 – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references.

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is).

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

#Anonymous #thanks for coming to my ted talk #im posting this at 2:30 am so i'll most likely reblog it at a more reasonable hour ..in case anon is closer to my time zone #why am i even saying this..im sleepy #destiel #answered #destiel episode guide #there might be number/name mistakes because again sleepish.forgive me #long post

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