#A very romantic self defence lesson

[saintsenara]

Hi, I just wanted to tell you that I absolutely love your metas! You’re not only clearly a very talented writer but also blessed with such great insight into these characters that my dopamine levels always jump to absolute heights with every new post. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and being a real gem in this fandom ❤️

Also, because I couldn’t find any post (or did I miss it?) about specifically Harry/Snape (without a third person added to the mix) I would love to read your thoughts on it. Either romantically or gen, after the war, where Snape lives. Thank you so much for indulging me :)

thank you very much for the [exceptionally lovely] ask, anon!

snarry is definitely a popular request...

... so let's get into it!

[and let's also get out of the way that i do not back snamione as a pairing. you can find out why here.]

while they're by no means my otp - and while i'll admit to preferring both snape and harry paired up with lord voldemort - i have long dabbled in a bit of snarry, particularly because it's a ship which attracts astonishingly talented writers. and - in particular - astonishingly talented writers who think really subtly, intelligently, and creatively about life and love and all the questions therein. i'm always really struck by the nuance with which both snape and harry are treated in so many snarry fics, and i much prefer that to the more one-note treatment each character gets elsewhere in the fandom.

and - of course - why snarry works so well as a ship is because it has such a solid justification in both harry and snape's canon characterisation - and because this compatibility is made all the more interesting by the layer of conflict caused by snape and harry's mutually antagonistic relationship. harry adores the half-blood prince - looks up to him so much, in fact, that he genuinely wonders if the man was his father - because they're intellectually compatible, have similar senses of humour, have similarly self-serving aspects to their moral codes, and have a shared reactivity and emotional volatility. the text emphasises this frequently, most explicitly when hermione tells harry in half-blood prince that he doth protest too much:

"He tried to jinx me, in case you didn’t notice!" fumed Harry. "I had enough of that during those Occlumency lessons! Why doesn’t he use another guinea pig for a change? What’s Dumbledore playing at, anyway, letting him teach Defence? Did you hear him talking about the Dark Arts? He loves them! All that unfixed, indestructible stuff - " "Well," said Hermione, "I thought he sounded a bit like you."

harry is also willing to acknowledge these similarities himself, sometimes. he empathises with - and even, occasionally, respects - snape well before the conclusion of deathly hallows, and - crucially - does this on his own terms. him refusing to dismiss his disgust at his father's treatment of snape in snape's worst memory in order not to make sirius or lupin feel awkward is incredibly impressive - and is something i don't think he gets enough credit for.

and since one of the things which makes me a member of both tomarrymort and snapemort nation is harry's instinctive understanding of how voldemort's childhood affected him and voldemort's understanding of how snape's childhood affected him, this is something i think provides a fascinating seam for authors to mine when writing about snape and harry together.

similarly, post-war, i think snarry is one of the best pairings for exploring how both harry and snape come to terms with the realisation that - no matter how well it all worked out in the end - they were both pawns in a larger game. i think that snape is, really, the only person in harry's life who could ever come close to appreciating what it means to have dumbledore send you out to [nearly] die - and i also think, because the man is always at the forefront of my mind, that snape is one of the few people in harry's life who can appreciate the fact that harry, as much as he also hated and feared him, was impressed by, sympathised with, and wanted to help voldemort.

snarry is also an incredibly compelling ship for thinking about power, and how both harry and snape understand it. i wouldn't care about the age difference, or the fact that snape and harry's acquaintance is established while harry is a child and snape is his teacher, even if the dynamic between them could only ever be heavily unbalanced in snape's favour, because these are fictional people. but i'm often struck by how interestingly snarry writers deal with snape being someone who views himself, inherently, as a supplicant - and who therefore ends up offering harry the upper hand in their dynamic [whether this is platonic or otherwise] despite the fact that he is the younger partner. snape's capacity for destructive devotion and self-subordination is one of his most fascinating canon characteristics - and snarry is one of the best vehicles for exploring this.

indeed, the canonical snape clearly regards harry as someone who possesses power over him. his complaints about harry being rich, spoiled, and arrogant make clear that he considers harry to be the second coming of the dynamic he had with james [with it never seeming to occur to him that this is an absurd thing for an adult teacher to think about their pupil], while his complaints about harry's fame are because he views harry as an inherent insider [someone with a pureblood surname and the money to prove it] to the wizarding world while he himself is an outcast. this can cause some exquisite toxicity - especially when snape, who tends to view every interaction he has though a win-lose lens and who becomes incredibly nasty in both victory and defeat, is proven right, having insisted to harry that the wizarding world won't like its golden hero getting railed by a tenuously-acquitted death eater.

but it can also result in something surprisingly beautiful. harry likes to save people, after all, and snape would - deep down - very much to be saved.

and one way he can do this is by offering snape the forgiveness for his role in lily's death which it's clear the canonical snape refuses to accept he might be entitled to. and, in doing this, the pairing draws out a theme which i am obsessed with - that there is a lost generation, whose ghosts haunt the characters alive in the canon timeline. no matter how negative his opinion on james and sirius and so on is, by virtue of knowing them, snape provides harry with a connection to a world he would be a stranger to otherwise, while harry provides snape with a mooring in the present which makes dealing with the weight of the past - and processing the fact that he's virtually the only person he knew as a teenager who's still alive - easier.

i also think that fucking your enemy's nephew is iconic, and snape and petunia meeting again in a scenario in which he's harry's boyfriend is a concept that sustains me.

[utterlyhooked]

A very romantic self defence lesson.

Where can I sign up? 0.0

Yes! Yes please! Tell me where my Mingmen is!

[serostuffsmh]

after fights: part one | bnha headcanons

pairings: tomura x reader, overhaul x reader, dabi x reader

synopsis: how they act after fights/arguments (requested)

tomura

╰ Tomura is a proud man, a proud man too bullheaded to know when he’s wrong sometimes. Being right and proving a point can be more important than the cost of being right.

╰ Slow to forgive and quick to anger. Stewing in his own frustrations for hours or even days, not budging for his ego’s sake and for his own lack of experience of being in a relationship.

╰ Romantic relationships are stupidly hard sometimes and he does not know how to deal with the lows and only experiencing the highs.

╰ The nagging itch that he’s suppressed and controlled coming up again, crawling underneath his skin. Serving as a reminder than he should do something to fix what he’s either said or done.

╰ Reluctantly but genuinely will apologize to you. Don’t mistake his indifferent tone for disingenuity, if he didn’t mean what he said he would not apologize in the first place.

overhaul

╰ He can get quite condescending during arguments, a nasty flaw to have, especially when the person he’s arguing with is his significant other. The cruel bites at your self-esteem and confidence made from anger and defence.

╰ Only when he sees the shiny tears dotting under your eyes that he was much crueler towards you than he realizes.

╰ Yakuza are severely stringent when it comes to respect and apologizing. The same nagging lessons being taught over and over to him when he was younger. Ones about always remaining respectful towards your family, and the harsher lessons about cutting your finger off as penance.

╰ The ritual of Yubitsume fell out of practice, he won’t take his own finger off for you, but he still takes a bit of an extreme measure to apologize.

╰ Bowing on his hands his knees to beg for forgiveness. It’s shameful, and it’s supposed to be. Especially for someone like him, it would almost seem like an impossibility for him to kneel for someone while also admitting he was wrong. He would only do something like this for you since you are the only person deserving after what he has done.

dabi

╰ Fighting and arguing can get out of hand very quickly with a dangerous quirk like his that can be a time bomb if he's not careful. So, he opts to storm out before he can do any damage to your living space or more importantly, you.

╰ Throws himself a self-destructive pity party. Setting objects on fire and burning himself up in the process. Because of the escalated emotions, his fire burns much hotter than usual and causing much more damage than he realizes.

╰ After a he’s cooled down literally and figuratively, he’ll come back smelling like the ill combination of smoke and self-pity.

╰ Any type of silent treatment won't go over well with him, he won’t have anyone ignore him ever again and your screaming, and bitter cursing is better than silence in his opinion.

╰ He wants you to know that he is sorry without saying it. Words aren’t a big thing for him, and he doesn’t want to make it a huge deal.

╰ After a few hours or a day his approach to you is slow. Doesn’t want to spark another argument so he keeps his distance for a while until he knows you crave the interaction between you two as much as he does.

kofi masterlist

[wings-of-the-ten]

I loved your Erend/Kotallo bromance post! So glad your gonna work some of it into WIC (I am sceaming for the next chapter!!!)! Can I ask what you see his relationships with the other Gaia Gang members as?

Aww, thanks! Yeah, drinking buddies and spicy chicken wings after a game of Strike will bond those two.

I imagine that Zo and Kotallo initially bond over paint. Kotallo runs out of white paint, and awkwardly asks Zo if she has any spare. It’s different from Tenakth paint, which I headcanon uses machine oil in it as a base so it doesn’t run when they sweat, whereas the Utaru is probably more clay/chalk based (with nothing to back that up in canon, so if you have better ideas or evidence from game, please lemme know!). She asks him if he needs help applying it on his right arm, and he flushes and bumbles out of there all awkwardly (it’s very intimate (not necessarily romantic though) to paint someone, usually reserved for squad members, parents/family, and lovers). Zo, as healer, brews medicinal teas which help Kotallo if he’s having a rough day with his arm, and he spars with her since she’s a spear-fighter and a good challenge for him because her fighting style is so different. They become good friends and he likes to listen to her sing around the base.

Kotallo sees Varl as a good fighter, but not exceptional. He does ask during some game dialogue with Aloy if all Nora are as impressive(? I forget the exact word) as those two, so he knows the boy’s got skills, but he also suspects he’d rather not be a fighter when he doesn’t have to be. They bond over the knowledge they’ve found using the Focus. Varl finds some Tenakth-related thing he doesn’t understand, and asks Kotallo to elaborate on it. Four hours later, Kotallo is hoarse (hoarser than usual) and Varl is just soaking it up like a sponge. Erend plonks a mug of ale down and Kotallo drinks half of it in one go.

Alva he finds extremely irritating and draining to start with, with all her endless questions. If you remember how annoyed he was with Aloy’s questions (admittedly he wasn’t in a good place, mentally, at that point), then it’s a bit like that, only he masks it better with Alva. She probes with no sensitivity whatsoever until she realises too late that she’s asked something deeply personal and made him super uncomfortable. But, Kotallo is patient and he sees that she’s just curious. After a while, Alva asks him to show her some self-defence as a way of making up for it, and he’s honoured to teach her how to protect herself (she doesn’t want to become a warrior, just how to get out of a situation), and he comes to see her as a younger sister and gets oddly very protective of her. She finds his stillness calming, and in time, he actually comes to welcome her questions. He also finds her constant chatter oddly soothing. (I’m going to work the self-defence lessons into What I Choose, so you’ll see that once the story gets that far - it’s too precious not to include!).

Beta he doesn’t really know what to do with at first, and he tends to avoid her because the first time she saw him, she froze and ran away (he was probably scowling unintentionally. That boy has some serious, unintentional Resting Kill Face I’m sure). He initially expected her to be tough and resilient like Aloy, simply because he didn’t understand the implications of a clone not being literally the same person. He quickily understands though that her strengths lie in strategy, and he really admires her for that, and for the mental fortitude she must have in order to have come through the terrible abuse and neglect, and yet remain kind and generous. He’s protective of her too (because he’s a Protecc Boi and this is His Squad now!), and he sees her very much as her own person. She teaches him a bit about coding and technology, which allows him to make his own entries into the database, and with her help he and Alva begin to compile their own separate logs and data on everything that’s occurred with Aloy’s ‘new’ mission. The GAIA Gang Files, if you will.

I’ve covered Erend and Kotallo a bit in that other post, but Kotallo genuinely enjoys playing Strike with Erend, even if Erend isn’t anywhere near as good as he is, and loses practically every time. Zo finds it a frustrating game though she gets it quickly, and Varl is really terrible at it. Aloy does not have the patience for Strike and doesn’t play unless forced. Alva gets it really quickly but is too hasty, and Beta is the only one who consistenly wins against Kotallo. Kotallo is a good listener, so Erend eventually opens up about losing Ersa, and the two kind of bond a bit more over what it’s like to lose loved ones - Kotallo considers his former squad family, and I’m not sure if it’s stated in game or not, but for some reason I headcanon that most of them died during the Red Raids. A few are still alive though, I think, but some of them changed their opinion of him after his injury, and that is something he never quite gets over. Anyway, they eat ridiculously spicy Desert Clan food (which Erend actually grows to love, even if it makes him sweat and turn red, and it’s not actually Kotallo’s favourite either, since he grew up with Sky Clan stuff. ‘Land and Lake’ is his favourite). Erend won’t touch scorpion skewers.

That’s my rough and rambling personal take on Kotallo’s relationship with his new squad. After he goes back to the Grove, he misses Zo’s wordless compassion and Erend’s horrible music and bitter ale (he might be responsible for a few kegs turning up at the Grove for festivals), and Alva’s insatiable curiosity and Beta’s quiet instructions. He also misses Varl as someone to geek out over lore with, and that’s something that he and Zo do.

Zo names Kotallo the Utaru equivalent of godfather to her baby and he cries.

I’ll try to weave all of this into my story as far as it fits and is possible, if not, now you have extra background knowledge :).

[writings-of-a-british-fangirl]

A Lesson In Touch [Din Djarin x Reader]

Title: A Lesson In Touch Summary: You want nothing more to say your feelings for Din out loud, but words don't come to you or Din easy... Maybe you can express your love in another way. Warnings: A little bit of angst and description of injury, but that's about it Request: N/A

A/N: This is the third and final instalment of "a lesson in" series! ((unless i get inspired to write another part)) Let me know if you have any requests for Din in general!!

A/N 2: Here is a list of people that said they wanted to be tagged for this fic! Hope you like it

@elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey @the-fae-child @zoleea-exultant @captainwanderlust78​ @ihavemyownissuess​

PART 1: A Lesson In Mando’a PART 2: A Lesson In Tradition PART 3: A Lesson In Touch

Din Djarin~A Lesson In Touch

Din hadn't quite mastered the art of subtlety when it came to you. He was very thankful for his beskar, specifically his helmet, otherwise he was sure you would've noticed his outright staring. In no way was he trying to make you feel uncomfortable or offend you, but he just felt mesmerised by you in a way that no other being in the galaxy had. Well, apart from his little green son. But, this... This was something different.

        You were something different.

        Ever since you had bought that necklace, the way he felt about you had only intensified. It was scaring him in ways he didn't even want to confront. Thoughts of a relationship, of a family with you began to stir within him. It wasn't realistic- definitely just a day dream. Kriff, he hadn't even been in a romantic relationship before: how was he ever going to treat you right? Sure, he'd dabbled in a few flings here and there... Some he was less than proud of. Although he'd never broken his Creed, he had certainly bent the rules a handful of times; in his defence, he was young, and stupid... And, touch starved. In truth: he probably still was.

        It had been a long while since anyone had touched him with any other intent than to kill him. He was used to the roughness of touch that came with combat: the way his fists hit another, and he was in turn hit, but your soft lingering touches were enough to distract him for the whole day.

        He began to crave them: any excuse to be close to you.

        If only the Mandalorian knew that he wasn't being as subtle as he thought. Even with the helmet disguising his eyes, you could feel his vision on you. At first, you felt self conscious under his gaze. You interpreted it as him glaring at you: maybe you had done something wrong with the kid? Or maybe you had offended him, and he just wasn't saying anything? But, slowly, you got better at reading his body language. It was tough at first, as Din revealed very little personal information about himself. Coupled this with the fact he was usually clad head to toe in beskar armour, you made slow progress. However, over time, you began to pick up on little cues. Soft, small hints that he wasn't glaring... He was looking at you: you'd caught him staring.  

        You were going to confront him about it, initially; maybe even make a light joke of it. You had quickly gone off of that idea. Soon, you decided you liked the Mandalorians eyes on you; you even let yourself believe that he might only have eyes for you.

        And soon, just as he craved you, you wanted more than just his eyes on you.

~~~

The universe had a fucking funny way of answering your inner desires. When you said, you had wanted to feel him, feel his skin on your own, when you had said you wanted to feel his touch, this wasn't what you meant. Kriff. This was getting bad. Din was bleeding badly.

        What had initially meant to be a pretty simple bounty had turned into a rather difficult one. The location Din was sent initially was inaccurate, and then when he arrived at the actual, correct location, it was a trap. His target had friends, and it soon became an ambush. The Mandalorian was still capable of taking them down, but they put up a pretty good fight, and before knocking out all of them, one had managed to stab Din in his side.

        Which lead you to now.

        Din was in your arms. He had stumbled into the Razor Crest, clutching his side with one arm and dragging the quarry with the other. You'd almost lost control in that moment, but you knew you had to stay calm for him. You rushed up to him, and quickly aided him in throwing the bounty into carbonite. Then, you made quick work of laying him down on your make shift medical bench, and asking him where the pain was coming from. Your eyes were wide with panic: he could probably tell. You were terrible at hiding emotions when it came to him, and you'd never exactly done this before. Sure, you'd patched yourself up more times than you can count: but someone else? Someone you cared about? Now that was something else entirely.

        "Din," you cooed gently, trying not to make his pain worse, "I'm going to need to remove some of your armour. Is that okay? Is... Is that breaking your Creed?"

        "I- No," Din huffed out, trying to be kind to you despite his situation.

        "Okay, good... Good... I need you to lay as still as you can okay. I'm just going to..."

        You don't know why you start narrating what you're doing. Maybe you thought it would put him at ease if he knew what was going on. Maybe it was making things worse.

        Gently, you peeled away his armour from his torso, and observed the large cut down his side. You pressed your hand against him, and Din winced in pain. Your hand retracted quickly, and you ran to the first aid kit kept in the Crest. You opened the bag, and began searching around for the bacta patch and disinfectant that you needed. Your heart was beating really quickly, and you could feel Din's pulse getting weaker. His breathing shallowed. You steadied your shaking hands as you brought the disinfectant up to his wound.

        "Din," you murmur, "Are you still with me? Din... I'm sorry this is going to hurt."

        You saw his head nod slowly, and you began cleaning the wound as carefully as you can. He winced in pain and his hand shot up; he grabbed out to you, and his hand was wrapped around your upper arm before you knew what was happening. Despite the situation, his touch (even through his glove) surprised you. Your heart rate began to increase, and your face felt hot.

        "I'm nearly done now," you promise him, "I'm just putting on the bacta patch and then you can rest."

        "T-Thank you, cyar'ika," Din replied, his grip on your arm faltering before letting go.

        You took his hand and squeezed it gently. Din was weak now but at least his wound has been tended to and he wasn't losing anymore blood. It was only now that the worst of it was over, that you took note of the blood across the ship. This would be one hell of a clean up. First, you washed your hands, and then you gently removed the remainders of Din's armour, save his helmet (of course). You unbuttoned his tunic and swapped it out for one that wasn't covered in blood- and one that didn't have a large hole in it. You like to think that he'd appreciate it.

        With the ship finally cleaned, and Din safe, you crawled into your cot beside the child. Your eyes felt heavy as you held the child close to you: you took one last look at your Mandalorian, before finally falling asleep.

~~~

Din Djarin woke up startled. His hand went to his side, at first, and then across his chest, before ending up resting on his helmet. His eyes scanned the room before settling upon you. His eyes softened; in your arms lay his little womp rat. He was safe, and so were you. Din sighed, relieved that you were both still okay.

        His eyes cast down to the pile of armour beside him: you must've removed it after he'd passed out. He recognised that he was now wearing a new black shirt, and that his old, bloodied one was nowhere to be found. His mind didn't have time to wonder where you'd put it, as the sound of him moving off of the make shift medical bench had caused you to begin to awaken. Your eye sight was blurry for a second, before focusing in on Din. He was up.

        He was up!

        "Din! You're awake!" you exclaim, shaking off any sleepy feeling that still remained.

        "Are you alright?" Din asks, stepping towards you.

        "Am I alright?" you repeat back to him, now also finding your feet, "You get stabbed, come home bloody to me -barely standing I might add- and you ask me if I'm okay?"

        Din shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

        "Never mind me: how are you feeling?"

        "I'm... I'm okay. Better now, thanks to you," Din reassured, reaching over to take the child from you now that he had woken up from his nap.

        "Well, I have been told I have an excellent bed side manor," you tease.

        "Oh yeah?" Din plays along.

        "Really! If it wasn't for this whole bounty hunting gig, I definitely would've been a nurse," you assure confidently; although truthfully at this point in time, you have no interest in taking care of anyone else besides your small found family.

        "You would've made an excellent nurse," Din chuckles.

        It warms your heart: hearing him laugh.

        "I thought you were going to pass out quicker than me at certain points, though," Din continues, "But I'm not dead so you must've done something right."

        "Hey now, Mandalorian: in my defence, I was not expecting you to come back covered in blood and barely conscious. Forgive me if I was a little rusty."

        You hadn't realised how close the two of you had become until now. His body was so close that you could almost feel the heat coming from his body. Or maybe it was yours. You weren't honestly sure at this point, but it was making your face heat up. You shyly looked away from his gaze. Seeing him like this almost felt unnatural. You were so use to him fully covered in armour, that seeing him without all the beskar felt like you were seeing him naked. Despite this, you enjoyed seeing him like this: he felt more human to you now. If he was feeling vulnerable at all, he didn't show it. If you didn't know any better, you'd almost say he enjoyed this new layer of vulnerability because it meant he could feel closer... Closer to you.

        "You're forgiven," he murmurs, his voice low, "Am I forgiven, cyar'ika?"

        "Hm..." you hesitate, teasing him for a second, "I will have to think about that-"

        "-Mesh'la, please," he pretends to beg you, smiling under his helmet; Din's eyes remain on you, almost transfixed as you pretend to ponder the status of his forgiveness.

       "Only if you tell me what m- me- mesh'la means," you whisper in a hushed tone, "Or agree to teach me Mando'a. I have to know what you are saying about me."

       "Only good things," Din replies in the same quiet tone, "Beautiful."

       "Beautiful," you repeat back to him, your heart swelling, "Din you are... Me- mesh'la too."

       You expect him to reply: correct your pronunciation, or joke back with you but the Mandalorian has gone silent. Not an uncomfortable wooden silence. No, it was a warm silence. It felt right, and after a second, you adjusted to the new quietness. You imagine neither of you have had a moment like this in a long time. The silences you were use to only echoed with your hollowness, reflecting your loneliness. But this: this felt right.

       Gently, Din leaned his head on your own. Due to the presence of his helmet, he was careful not to be too forceful, but you soon accepted the gesture, and kept your forehead on his.

       A keldabe kiss.

       That's what you would come to know that as. Although it originally started as slang for a headbutt, it soon became a sign of affection among Mandalorians. Affectionate moments with the Creed felt few and far between, so this was a way around that. And, it was one you quiet enjoyed. Even if you couldn't always touch your Mandalorian in the ways you wanted to, in these moments it didn't seem to matter. Despite the Creed, despite everything, there was no true barrier that could separate you and Din Djarin.

       Your foreheads stay together for a moment longer, before separating. You look up at him, and you know -even without words, even without touch- he is yours, and your are his.

[life-rewritten]

Fish Upon the Sky Episode 1-7 (The Problems with Walls; An analysis on Duen and Pi)

I swear, if I could just settle down, stop running away and actually analyse FUTS the way I usually do. I would have so many essays by now on how authentic and deep this show can get with some of its characterisations. As I  write this FUTS essay that has constantly been plaguing me and making me frustrated that no one else is seeing these themes, I realise again sadly how this director has sadly failed to show the vision of what he wanted for the series.  An essay on how DuenMeen and MorkPi mirror each other so much with their themes, it sounds crazy to think that they do because their storylines on the surface seem different at times. Still, also their love interests act differently towards them, and they have different dynamics with them. But that's what's so great about meta and mirroring in TV, especially in shows that aren't meant to be seen as deep or purposely filled with hints and clues to break down. Fish upon the Sky is one of those shows. It struggles to find a balance between wanting to be more profound and showing exciting themes vs pleasing and appealing to the audience, using humour and other exaggerated performances/narratives to do so. However, the writer of Fish upon the sky novel has always had her works struggle with these issues and themes. Jittirain always writes emotional stories about unrequited love, with different lessons, ideas, or characterisations that people fail to understand or truly value because the meta/depth of their personalities is hidden or misunderstood by their own directors. This is what happened in  2gether; this is what also happened in Theory of Love.

A Misunderstood Duo

In order to really understand how grand the narrative the show is failing to truly flesh out is, you need to understand that Pi and Duen (the two main characters of the show) are the narrators of both their own stories. Pi's is Fish upon the sky whilst Duen is Leech upon the sky (😂😂) but what's great is that you can already see the mirroring/similarities just by their titles. Even though their insecurities and worries seem different, it's the same theme for them;  both struggle with love because they secretly have a lot of self-deprecation and hesitancy from how people have treated them. It's not as noticeable when you see Duen's characterisation/storyline, but if you truly focus on the themes of his narrative without being distracted by the loud comedic routine he has, you'd see that his biggest insecurity, that he tries to be defensive and act like he doesn't care about is his dumbness. He genuinely feels weaker/inferior because he's known as being dumb to everyone around him. He struggles to process anything that is complex and requires more depth or thought.  It's played for laughs because he relishes in the idea that people feel exasperated by his actions. He acts like he doesn't get bothered by how people perceive him because he's still seen as socially acceptable, unlike Pi, who's actually bullied and alienated from society because of his own 'flaws'.

But you can see that it's all a façade when it comes to Duen, just like with how Pi handles his own insecurities and trauma to do with his perceived flaws. It's why Duen chooses to lie to Meen that he's a dentist. He didn't want him to see him the same way others do. This already should show that he doesn't actually enjoy being seen as dumb, but he has walls up to make it seem like he doesn't care. He knows he's constantly being compared to others, but he can't change who he is (just like Pi didn't also want to change how he looked or acted to please people at first). So he jokes and tries to see a positive in being that way; he starts to want to slack off and cheat off others when it comes to work. He stops taking University seriously and repeats classes constantly because he always fails. That is until Meen shows up, and then he starts to want Meen to believe he's something more. Why?

But in case I haven't repeated it enough, Duen is like Pi, whose insecurity is easier to see since we watched him get attacked and bullied for it immediately in the first episode. It's Pi's true thoughts and opinions we see in the show as the audience, whilst Duen's story is hidden with comic relief and unseriousness. They both try to act like they're okay with what they are being judged by in society. Thus, they act confident, they're both loud, they're selfish, acting like they don't care how people see them. Preventing others from getting to hurt them by making it look like they are in control of what they have and use that to their own advantage with others.

They both stay heavily in denial about their true feelings in general, but primarily with the critical focus; the people who make them question everything about their flaws that come into their life and frighten them the most. The ones that break down those facades; make them automatically want to run away whilst being unable to stop showing and escaping their true feelings whenever they're in their presence.

The Use of Humour and Sarcasm 

So what we end up with is a narrative with two incredibly annoying and flawed characters who are seen in the audience as exaggerated caricatures for comic relief and shallow storytelling. And it's brilliant because both their unlikable/loud, selfish personalities are just fake walls built, so they don't crumble and get affected by how society views them or wants them to act. So you see, there's the issue that people keep misunderstanding about these two stories, especially about these two brothers. They're realistic; they're flawed because they've been affected by society and the environment around them. They're acting like how anyone who's been hurt before would act, they have built up walls, and they've decided to just stay by themselves and let that guide them in everything. They deal with their issues with sarcasm and humour to reduce the seriousness of the situation, so they don't appear weak or let anything hurt them.  

That's why I love this narrative of FUTS, it's meta and more profound than people think, but because the director doesn't do the best to show it, it can get lost in all the exaggerated humour. For example, with Pi, because he's socially anxious and always overthinks how people think of him (due to his past experiences of being abused and hurt by being ignorant of how people thought of him), his world is wildly exaggerated in his head. The way he narrates the story is played for laughs and is a very telling and realistic representation of how overthinking is expressed in his mind; it's overdone, loud and nonsensical at times. That's what social anxiety does; it makes you cry about one stare, one laugh, one action someone does, it makes you panic over the most minor things, and Pi does that with panic and boisterous, sarcastic humour from the start of the show.

Hence his story also has exaggerated humour because he deals with his issues with that fake jokes and sarcasm. So the show also exaggerated humour too when we are in his perspective.  This is actually similar to Duen's breaking the 4th wall narrative style of his storyline. As with Duen, whose narrator of his story mocks and laughs at his actions ironically. When really that is just literally himself fighting with his inner voice about his true feelings about Meen. He breaks the 4th wall because he's internalising his own emotions and dealing with them as a skit; the narrator is his true self ridiculing him for not accepting that he has feelings for Meen and that he's not as bright/cool as he thinks he is. So if we understand this and notice that the narrator makes fun of him constantly and jokes about his actions, you'll realise that Duen sees himself that way too; he sees himself as a joke. He doesn't see himself as suave and carefree; he actually mocks himself internally for being dumb and being gross.

Pi: The Need for Protection and Avoidance 

So already, just from breaking it down with this point of view, Duen and Pi mirror each other so well, and their narratives because of this focus on the same themes and ideas of self-discovery. Both are flawed characters with a lot of vulnerabilities and pain that they refuse to deal with properly. An id ego defence mechanism catalysed because of their past experiences and protection of their mental space. They both stay in denial, hurting who they love by refusing to let them get to see them without the walls down and more. Pi hates that he loses control with Mork and refuses to let Mork have his heart because he believes Mork is too good for someone like him secretly.  He knows he'll be the one damaged. Hence the choice to intentionally misinterpret his brother's metaphor on the vaccine analogy and view it as the complication with getting with Mork. Let me try and use this to break down his mindset with why he chose to still choose Nan even though he knows (he does know) that he wants to be with Mork romantically. Listen to the analogy his brother uses. He mentions the iatrogenic vaccine, a vaccine intended for a patient that starts helping the patient be well but actually causes more harm than good. The end result is because of the incompatibility of the vaccine and the time it takes for those results to show up in the patient and make their lives affected in a negative conclusion.

 A vaccine ironically is meant to be an antidote, something that saves people, that helps and makes them feel better. And that's what Mork says he wants to be for Pi, it's romantic, but once his brother announces a different version of a vaccine, Pi jumps with that analogy and believes that's the truth about Mork and him that makes sense to him, than seeing it positively. So with this analogy, we can break it down this way:

The Iatrogenic vaccine was too different and incompatible with the patient. Which is what Pi believes about Mork. Remember, Pi doesn't think  (because of what people have told him) that he deserves loyalty and love from people better looking/capable than him. He sees Mork in this light from the start; he views Mork as a rival because Mork is good looking, popular, strong and cool, basically things that are not associated with Pi to others.  So Mork and him are incompatible in Pi's mind.  This is why Pi constantly asks Mork why he wants to be close to him. He just doesn't understand it.  

Second, the Iatrogenic vaccine starts off good but causes damages in an irreparable way to the patient. It's the patient that ends up being affected by this vaccine interaction, not the vaccine that caused it. Before Wan starts this vaccine conversation, he discusses how people around his hospital are patients primarily because of heartbreak; they come in with damaged mindsets, broken hearts and self-harming injuries because of being hurt by love and letting themselves be vulnerable to that. All Pi hears is people hurt themselves over the pain of heartbreak and being abandoned. That's the complication if he does finally trust Mork. Especially after Mork and him get to be close, it'd be just like with everyone who has gotten to know him in the past, who stayed by his side as 'friends', once they learnt about him, what they said is that he wasn't worth being loyal to. So many people used and deserted him, and it almost broke him. This is why Pi grow the walls he has now. Even though Pi is chasing after Nan, he's not expecting an answer from Nan that's positive; Nan is a fantasy, something he can use as a goal to want to keep chasing and distracting himself from that singleness and loneliness he felt at the start of the show. This is why he's doing all of this; he just wants a distraction from the mess of his life. But to Pi, Mork? Mork is real. He's serious; he's someone who Pi actually truly will be damaged by if he's hurt and left by him; he's someone who Pi truly loves and is real to Pi, it's terrifying, and so he rather just avoid that because of the risk of a complication. To be that patient tricked by the vaccine and left to deal with those consequences all alone? Yeh, no, he can't do that.  Pi sees him as a friend and doesn’t want to end that because that's the first thing in a while that has made him feel actually happy being himself and accepted. Being friends with Mork makes him feel safe. So again, it's selfish, but it’s all about him preserving what he already has with Mork rather than damaging it.

Those complications are exactly that result if he lets Mork in romantically and Mork sees his true self and leaves like everyone; it’s not Mork who’d be hurt. It’s Pi who’d have nothing more to believe in if he lets himself be that vulnerable. Again Pi is thinking with his head when it comes to Mork; there’s a massive risk if someone takes the wrong vaccine, that person is damaged because of it. Pis journey with Mork is the same thought process that friends to lovers have. The fear of losing each other if they cross that line, of taking things too far and ruining the foundation they had that made them safe. The fear of the love being false as it always has been from others.  Pi thinks he likes Mork because how can he not? However, Mork is always there, making it hard for him to think. He associates Mork with niceness and protectiveness, but that doesn’t mean he has to accept him romantically, and Mork sees right through him and is fond of breaking down those walls he put so high up to ensure he doesn't get hurt again. Mork is the one pushing Pi further away from him the more he clings because Pi doesn’t like losing control. Same as Duen. And Mork doesn’t let him just figure it out without manipulating everything; the more he does that, the more Pi feels manipulated and tricked into wanting Mork as a partner, and that's too scary for Pi. This is why it’ll be massive when he finds out who Mork truly is on his phone as the guy from nearby faculty.

Duen: The Need for Nonchalance and Ignorance

Duen is the inversion with his storyline; he tries to look cool and better to Meen,  refusing Meen to see him when he's worried, anxious or insecure because he himself shuts off those emotions whenever Meen triggers them. He doesn't want to face the truth, that he hates being seen as dumb and not being seen as a hero to Meen. He lies to Meen because he's trying to keep him by his side without actually letting him see his true self. After all, if he does, he also may judge or leave him too (guess what same as Pi's worries with Mork. Mirroring!).  Duen tries to act unaffected just like Pi does with Mork because again, they both know once they break down and give in, there's no turning back, they will be exposed, and the' truth' about them (which they believe and see about themselves) will push the people they truly want by their sides away.

So instead, they grapple for control by faking lack of care and feelings for their partner; they refuse to apologise quickly and refuse to give in easily to them to further their relationships, increase their trust and let them in. They refuse to let go of their fake personas and fake masks and walls they've built and try hard to hold onto the facade, which hurts Meen and Mork in the end. They both push and pull and show signs of vulnerability and romance only when they're alone with no one else around (like the tent scene with MeenDuen and the after school night scene with MorkPi outside). They show worry, devotion, and they show that they want them by their side. And these are the moments when we actually get to truly see who they are without their walls, their fake personas unshed, and their niceness, their care and protectiveness over them exposed.

Wan: The Comparison and Norm

When we're first introduced to the show, Wan is mentioned almost immediately as we see Pi's struggles. Because of Wan's reputation, people choose to crowd around Pi, and it's sad, but I also think Duen also had this same issue, just a bit different. With Pi, it's about his outer appearance, his beauty standards vs society's. It's exposed to him he lacks those, but it's his intelligence similar to Wan that makes people stay by his side at first.  He also studies dentistry as Wan studied Medicine, viewed by societal standards as impressive and praiseworthy. Pi is used by people who want to both get to Wan and want to profit from his brain and abilities. Duen is the inverted version of this; he is seen as handsome and cool and aloof, a bit messy, but the reason why Meen first leaches onto him is his street smarts and survival skills with social interactions, he knows the right people, he is seen as cool by others including Pi, but he's also seen as dumb. He's failed repeatedly, unlike his brothers at trying to obtain a degree.  So he has the outer appearance but lacks the next valuable thing in society's opinion; brains and the ability to increase your status by your talents and skills. Duen lacks that; he doesn't have any specific things about himself that he can fully be proud of. He's not highly talented, he's not intelligent, and he's also not viewed by women as extremely attractive or awe-worthy. He nonchalantly takes on this persona; he chooses to block any worries about things being serious because he lacks the smarts to think of things deeply or ponder about life's questions.

He's insecure, however, about this, and you see it when he tries to join in with Wan and Pi when they discuss vaccines and love. As Pi transforms for Nan, his lie is that he's well of without other people in his life like Mork; he pretends he's okay being seen as loud, not friendly, selfish etc.  Duen's own lie to Meen is that he is a version of Wan, of what people think Wan is; intelligent, put together and reliable. Because what Duen wants from Meen all the time (he doesn't realise he already has this devotion from Meen for just being himself when he's not trying) is for Meen to want to rely on him since that's precisely what Meen keeps telling him he likes about him, or wants to learn from him; street smarts etc. Duen likes being seen as a protector, a hero, a helper etc., to Meen. And that's why he stays adamant with his lie and refuses to let Meen truly see him below the surface.

Like Pi, he also doesn't want to admit what he knows and has fought to accept, which is, he loves Meen and wants him by his side. It's the fear of losing what he has with Meen that makes him do what he does, which is the same reason Pi also keeps rejecting Mork; it's the fear of losing him. And that's the ironic thing about Pi and Duen, they're ironically trying to preserve what they love, but because of scars, insecurities and walls, they're hurting the ones they love by just refusing to be their authentic selves. It's ironic because they think being themselves is the worst option. Yet, on the surface, they act like they're fine with who they are, they're loud about being carefree of what others think of them, they're okay if these two leave them, but in reality, their worst fears are admitting that they agree with what people see in them as flaws, that they also hate themselves for that. That's heartbreaking because they fought so hard to keep loving themselves, to keep believing in their worth, but society made them genuinely think that they're wrong. And it's painful but realistic.

Again they're all similar and mirror each other. I just want people to understand that FUTS is a deep show; I know the director doesn't do the best job with what he's been trying to show, but it is deep; there is thought at times put to it in the profound moments. In the moments where both Pi and Duen aren't being fake and are their true selves, you'll notice that the jokes and humour slowly reduce whenever they are true; the narrator also reduces for Duen because he doesn't struggle as much with his feelings for Meen like he did at the first time. All the stuff that happens in the show is on purpose, even if done messily and poorly. People love to hate on the show. It has a lot of flaws, I know, but it's not the worst thing; it has deep characters that are incredibly flawed and hurt (even Mork, who we still hope will get to understand his story) it has people that act one way on the surface but hold deep scars and pains below whilst wearing a mask. The characters are unlikable because they are realistic to how people with self-sabotaging habits and deprecation act. That's why I like this show. And I'm sad I wasn't writing out more all about the meta and moments I've enjoyed so far. Anyway, I'm grateful this show has been shown this year; it definitely made me ponder my own ideas about how I view myself and if I have walls up around the people I love. I think many people do relate to Pi or Duen somehow, and it's unfortunate that the director doesn't help us feel the same way about the narrative when it's actually a great BL story to unravel and watch.

[astroaedes]

STRAY KIDS BANG CHAN PERSONALITY TAROT READING

This reading is a little thank you in celebration of my Bang Chan Ideal Type Reading hitting 100 notes! Thanks for all the love 🧡

This reading was conducted on January 6th, 2021.

THE PRIMARY SELF

Queen of Cups & Ace of Wands

Wow okay, the Queen of Cups and the Ace of Wands are representative of Bang Chan’s core characteristics and what a combination! Bang Chan is an incredibly empathetic and compassionate person. He is perceptive, intuitive and has the ability to see people and situations for who/what they really are. He is incredibly deep, open and emotional and shows strength and kindness in the face of aggression. Bang Chan most likely has a very strong relationship with his mother and I can see her having a great influence over him. The flames of creativity and invention burn brightly within him and he brings passion to all aspects of his life. He has an innate joy for life which drives him towards great personal success - he cannot sit still and wait around for life to happen, he must seize the day! These two cards together are a really nice mix of masculinity and femininity so I think Bang Chan is a very balanced individual and is unafraid of expressing both of those energies.

PAST INFLUENCES AND FUTURE MOTIVATIONS

Six of Cups & Knight of Cups

In the past Bang Chan has had to walk away from a person/situation that no longer served him. I think that Bang Chan had put a lot of time and effort into this person/situation so the decision to move on was not taken lightly. To walk away into uncertainty requires courage so Bang Chan has shown great bravery and dignity. He is the type of person who will always take the path of rightness and fairness regardless of the difficulties it may bring. Situations like these can weigh heavily on Bang Chan’s mind as he is so in tune with others emotions, but it has been a real lesson for him and helped develop his personal values. In terms of the future, love is his motivation. It’s hard to tell from this reading alone what kind of love this is but I get the feeling that it is romantic love (maybe I will do a love reading for Bang Chan 👀). He definitely has strong feelings for someone and they are acting as his compass right now. Romance is on his mind and rather than rushing into things Bang Chan is moving slowly and thoughtfully. This person is most likely influencing him creatively and helping him develop artistically - I wouldn’t be surprised if he writes love songs about this person. The Knight of Cups can also represent an artist or poet forced into practicality or forced to slow down so there may be some practical or mundane issues which interfere with his creative process in the future. 

THE CONSCIOUS AND PUBLIC SELF

Six of Swords, Eight of Pentacles, Three of Swords

At the moment Bang Chan is in a process of moving on and this is almost definitely the situation I talked about before. It is taking up a lot of his energy. There has been a recent blockage or conflict in his life and he is moving forward to better things ahead. This most likely is something happening with his group members as the Six of Swords signifies movement or a journey with other people. He is greeting challenges head on and is working towards success. This success will not be easy or simple but earned and fought for which makes it all the more rewarding. The public and people around him see Bang Chan as an incredibly hard worker. He is dedicated to improving himself and his skills and most likely locks himself away to focus on his work. His is known for his exemplary work amongst his peers and takes great pride and creative satisfaction in that. The Three of Swords is interesting... There has been a public heartbreak or betrayal (or at least known to his friends and colleagues). In Hyunjin’s reading I mentioned that someone was most likely intentionally stirring shit up so this could definitely be related to that. Bang Chan most likely hates the fact that this is public but, as always, he is approaching this situation with love and compassion. With pain comes the opportunity for comfort, with division and rupture comes the opportunity for unity and support.

THE UNCONSCIOUS AND PRIVATE SELF

Ace of Cups, Nine of Wands, Five of Cups

Oh man, why am I not surprised to see the Ace of Cups here 😭Love, intimacy, vulnerability and the ability to both give and receive kindness underly everything Bang Chan does in life. Like seriously, if you asked this guy what he wanted most he would probably say world peace and everlasting love. That’s not to say that he is perfect or incapable of being insensitive (the Ace of Wands energy that appeared earlier can be prone to impulsivity and recklessness), but Bang Chan never operates from a place of malice or bad intent. Bang Chan sees himself as person of great strength and resilience. He has many internal barriers and defences but pushes past them regardless of fear and apprehension. He sees every wound and mistake as a lesson and opportunity for growth which, in theory, is good but he may fall into the mindset of “it’s not worth it or I don’t deserve it unless I have to fight for it”. While Bang Chan is incredibly receptive to other people, there is still an unconscious part of him which remains defensive and distrustful. Despite Bang Chan’s creative and driven nature, he has an innate fear of failure and disappointment. It’s not just the failure itself which he fears, it’s the accompanying feelings of self-pity and desolation. There is nothing worse to him than feeling sorry for oneself and wallowing - he truly despises them and this probably explains his desire for growth and learning. Bang Chan may also have unconscious feelings of emotional entitlement - like he feels as if his feelings towards other should be reciprocated or at the very least validated and can be petulant when they are not.

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

‘Big Killer Clone’

Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars + Original Character

Collection/Series: N/A

Pairing: Captain Bear (Clone Trooper OC) x  GN! Reader

Writer: @writings-of-a-hufflepuff​ aka @hufflepuffing-all-day-long​

Rating: T

Warnings: Angst, a senator is a dick to our boy. He’s very unhappy and upset, but there’s a lot of comfort. Swearing, a lot of angst, my friends.

Summary: There is only one person Bear wants to see after a senator makes a comment about him being a danger to the younglings, and that is you. 

Notes: Inspired by this comment by @alamogirl80:  I bet he specifically requests to work in or near the Jedi temple so he can escort the crèche younglings. And it breaks his big ol heart when certain clone hating senators make comments to the crèche master that it’s dangerous to let a “big killer clone” like him around the kids. 

I just picked a random corrupt senator for this.

Mando’a:

Shebs’palon - asshole

Shebs - Ass

Vod - Brother

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Bear likes working in the Jedi temple, he likes the Jedi themselves. They’re respectful, generally kind and do not treat him as if he is some mindless machine or identical clone without a personality or views of his own. But, what he likes most about working in the temple is that he is almost always put on creche and youngling duty. 

It is a well known fact that Bear enjoys working with the little ones, even more so that the little ones enjoy his presence. He has a ‘way’ with them as he’s been told time and time again, something many of his other brothers struggle with. He enjoys being asked to escort the younglings through the temple or to stand watch during their break times between lessons, to make sure they do not get up to mischief or in some cases help them get up to mischief. Some clones complain that it’s glorified babysitting, but he likes babysitting. He’d rather nurture and protect the little ones than fight and kill. It suits him better. 

It is fun for him to stand there and smile as the little ones run and play, as they act like children for the few precious moments they are allowed. It warms his heart when little arms wrap around his legs in a hug or the children choose to use him as a living climbing frame. He feels wanted, needed, useful. The children do not balk or shy away from him despite his large size, they are not scared of the scar that covers his left cheek and they do not mind his deep voice. Instead they run to him and call his name and demand he play with them, they like him, and it is in many ways bittersweet. 

They are lovely, sweet. They cause a smile to light up his face, and yet, they are a reminder of what he isn’t allowed to have. What he isn’t allowed to have with you. He is a clone trooper, romantic relationships are not allowed. He breaks that rule regularly to be with you. Families, children, aren’t allowed either. A babe would be harder to hide, a family almost impossible and so they remind him of the thing he so desperately wants but is told he cannot have. He hopes...he hopes that one day he can have that, but hopes are not realities. 

Still, it is his favourite duty and so he does not expect to leave the jedi temple that day in a foul or unpleasant mood. He expects to be full of life, energy and smiles, after a day of children chattering away at him, drawing new things on his armour and sharing their new tricks with him. He always left the temple in the best mood.

But that shebs’palon of a senator Danry Ledwellow, the Er’Kit, small and blue, had ruined his day. Completely, entirely and only with a passing comment hissed out from behind sharp teeth and a look of distrust and disgust. It didn’t matter that Master Yoda had come to Bear’s defence or that he didn’t care much for the senator at all, the fact remained that his mood had been ruined. 

He was used to comments. He was a clone. There were many people that distrusted them, disliked them, and made it clear what they thought whenever they were given the chance. When he was shiny, it had bothered him more, as a cadet he would get angry, frustrated, irritated. As he grew he learnt to shrug it off, that it didn’t matter so much. Once you’d heard one insult, you’d heard them all...or so he thought. 

He’d been watching the younglings train when Dandry had made a passing comment with disgust riding his voice to Master Yoda, about how ‘dangerous’ and ‘irresponsible’ it was to have a ‘big killer clone’ like him around such small and defenceless younglings. As if Bear would ever hurt them, as if he could ever be considered a danger to them, as if he knew Bear and knew who he was and what he was capable of. 

He had, in the moment, chosen to stare straightforward, to bite his tongue and let the feeling sit inside his chest. His helmet was in place and that helped to hide the anger he was feeling. He was surrounded by little one’s, many under the age of 7 and he refused to give into emotions that would only confirm that senator’s views or scare the little one’s. He left Master Yoda speak in his defence, in truth, barely hearing the words. His mind was cloudy with frustration,fixed on replaying the words ‘dangerous’ and ‘killer’ over in his mind. 

The children had noticed a change after that, tugging on his fingers and demanding he sit as they clambered around him and told him stories. They tried to lighten his mood, something he was grateful for but that failed. He pretended for them, although he suspected many did not believe him, their natural intuneness with the force allowing them to sense his mood better than many. 

Kal and Delta didn’t ask when he stormed into the barracks intent on putting away his armour and leaving as soon as possible to see you, knowing that you’d find a way to brighten his mood like you always did. It was obvious to the two of them that an angry Bear was best left well enough alone, they didn’t see their captain storming around often. They shared a look, both deciding they didn’t want to be on the receiving end of his shitty mood. Kal returned to cleaning his blaster and Delta pretended to fall asleep in his bunk.

The new kid, Jammy, or Shiny as they’d taken to calling him looked on with trepidation. He’d not been with the squad long, a couple of months, and in that time his Captain had always been smiley and cheerful or neutral at worst. He’d never actually seen him angry, it was...a little intimidating given Bear’s already immense stature. He decided it was best to just not stare at his captain. 

Sunny didn’t seem to have the same worries as the rest, “What’s eating you, Cap?” He’d stopped mid way through messing with those vibrant orange curls of his, hand still raised to the top of his head. It was clear to Sunny that his vod wasn’t his usual self, especially considering it was known he’d been working with the younglings that day. He was never in a bad mood after working with the younglings. 

“Don’t want to talk about it.” He’s already by his bunk unlatching each piece of his armour and putting it away in his footlocker. He doesn’t want to hang around and the intensity of the stares from his brothers isn’t helping his mood. He’s not usually quick tempered, that’s Kal’s thing. In fact, he rarely finds himself having any sort of outburst, but he can feel it rising in him today. It’s unwelcome, unfamiliar. He doesn’t like how angry he feels. How his mood is changing, shifting. How one stupid senator could change his whole mood just like that. It was stupid. Who cared what a low level, unimportant senator thought? It shouldn’t even bother him...but it did. 

“You sure?” 

“Yes!” It comes out clipped and harsh, a shout that has Bear’s shoulders dropping with a sigh. He turns his eyes on Sunny, with an apologetic frown, “Sorry...I just, I don’t want to talk about it, Sunny, okay?” The regret mingles with the anger and frustration and it tastes like rot on his tongue. 

“Yeah, yeah, hey. I shouldn’t have pushed. Anything we can do, vod?” He’s concerned for Bear. Sunny has never seen his brother, his captain, so agitated and it’s worrying. But he knows Bear will tell them about it later, when he’s calmed down, when he’s got his head back in the right space. He was the most level headed of all of them, he’d sort it out himself, even if he didn’t ask for help. At least, not from them. The whole squad knew there was only one person he’d want to see right now, you. 

Bear shakes his head, dark brown curls flying with the movement as he lets them loose from the big bun he’d shoved them in that morning to get his helmet on. 

“No...Just need some time.”

In truth Bear just wants to get away from the Barracks and run to your quarters, to hold you in his arms and bury his face in your shoulder, to breathe you in. You are a comfort to him, greater than anything he’s ever known and his soul is calling for you, calling for your gentle touch and soothing words. He knows you’ll have the right thing to say, that you’ll ease the anger that bristles his shoulders. You always manage to brighten his day, to make things seem better even when they’re at their worst. 

It’s you that he runs to after a difficult mission. It’s you that he seeks out when he wakes in the middle of the night from some bad dream or memory. It is you who he goes to when he needs comfort. He loves his brothers, but he is still their captain and there are just some things he can’t do around them. Being entirely vulnerable and open is one. 

“I’ll...I’ll see you late, vod.” 

They don’t ask where he’s going as he storms out of the barracks in only his blacks. They know.

The corridors are filled with his brothers, some nod in recognition, others ignore him, not knowing him personally. None stop to talk to him, perhaps they notice his mood or perhaps they’re too busy, either way Bear is grateful. He’s even more grateful that your quarters are down an empty and quiet corridor, where no one can see him coming and going or stop to question why he’s there. 

It’s late enough in the evening that he knows you’ll be back soon, that your shift will end and the medical droids will take over for the night, unless there’s an emergency. 

You gave him the code to your quarters months ago, he’s memorised it so well that he doesn’t even have to think as he inputs it, muscle memory does the majority of the work for him instead. He knows your quarters as well as he knows his bunk in the barracks, has his own drawer of clothes there, nothing fancy, but you insisted he have something comfortable and cozy to wear when he stays over. 

He uses the refresher first, cleans the dirt off his skin and if he turns the temperature higher and lets the hot water attempt to burn away the comment, then that’s something he won’t mention later. It helps, a little, but not entirely. 

You're tired when you finish your shift, always are. Being a doctor for the GAR was exhausting and today was no different. Still, you have enough wits about you to notice the lights are on and there’s a familiar pair of boots by your door when you enter your quarters. 

“Bear? You here?” You call out to him, kicking off your shoes and shrugging out of your doctor’s coat. You hear a muffled ‘here’ from the direction of your bedroom and wander in that direction. 

You can tell he’s used the refresher before you see him, just by the smell of warm water and soap that permeates the air in the corridor, there’s a warmth to it that says it wasn’t long ago and that’s confirmed by the sight of him still wrapped in a towel on the edge of your bed. 

Bear has his elbows on his knees, hunched over with his face in his palms. His long brown curls are wet and mussed, his skin has a tint to it that says he had the water on too hot and he looks decidedly unlike himself. It worries you the moment you see him and you find yourself kneeling beside him, knees unhappy about the hard floor. It matters little when he’s so clearly upset. 

You’re gentle as you pull at the hands covering his face, they are easily double the size of your own and cover him too well, hide him from you. The moment you can see his eyes they shift to you, deep and sad, it’s clear something has happened and it makes your chest ache. 

You keep a hand in his while your other cups his cheek, stroking softly over the freckles that dot his skin like constellations without names. He leans into your touch, a heavy sigh that falls from his chest and with it some of that tension that he holds in his shoulders too. 

“What happened, big?” 

Your gaze feels like it’s scanning his soul, intent, but not unwelcome, he begins to speak freely for the first time all day. His mouth wraps around the words like they’re poison and each element of the story only deepens the frown that furrows your brow. 

“Senator Ledwellow stopped by the temple today while I was watching the younglings, shebs thinks I'm a ‘danger’ to the younglings, a ‘big killer clone’ he called me, as if I'd ever hurt them! I’d die for those little one’s, I’d...I’d...I’d never...I’d never hurt them!” There are tears streaming from his eyes, big fat ones that call to how deeply the thought of ever hurting those children or being thought of as a danger to them cuts him.  

“I know, big, I know! Hey…” You cup both cheeks with your hands, pulling his face closer to your own as you reach up on your knees to meet him. His skin is warm against yours as his forehead comes to rest against your own, but his tears are cool and wet as they drip from his skin onto your own in rivers. 

You stay there, rocking slightly with him as he cries. It is the sort of cry that wrenches free from the depths of his chest hard and raw and causes your own throat to close up with emotion. 

You have seen Bear sad, you’ve seen him scared, but those were small things. The melancholy of a bad memory or the fear from a nightmare, this is...this is different. It speaks of the fear he has deep within him that he is a danger to those children, that he is the big bad killer clone and not who you know him to be. Safe. Kind. Gentle. Caring. Loving. You have never doubted your safety in his presence and you have never doubted the safety of any child around him either. 

You want to storm from your quarters and find Senator Ledwellow, to slap him across the face or at least give him a good talking too. To even think, to even suggest that Bear was anything but gentle with those children, to suggest he would hurt them, be a danger to them...it lowers your opinion of the senator and swaps your mood from worried to angry. 

Still, Bear needs you more than the senator needs a slap, so you stay and you hold him to you. Letting his tears wash over your skin and his large hands grip at your back and shoulders as if that will ground him and keep him sane. 

It feels like hours by the time the tears and the gasping slows, and a quick glance at the time tells you it has been. You are gentle as you tug him to his feet and help him dress, there is a new exhaustion that fills his bones now. The sort that can only come from crying out all your emotions. He is grateful as you tug his legs through a comfortable pair of trousers and carefully maneuver his head and hair through a shirt. 

“Sit down for me, big.” You sit him at the edge of the bed again and grab a comb from the side, the one that goes easily through his curls and pulls the knots free. He is quiet as you tug at the knots and braid his hair back and out of the way for sleep. 

It’s a little thing, something he would have forgotten to do, but that makes the world of difference when he wakes in the morning. It is the little things you do that make his chest ache for you, his heart hurt in the best sort of way. You know him. You care for him. You treat him with a  tenderness that most don’t because of his size and his place as a clone trooper. Today is a day that he especially needs that tenderness, so he lets you braid his hair without comment and lets you ease him under the covers of your bed before you get into your own night clothes. 

You look radiant. That’s what he thinks when he watches you dress. There’s something about the low light of the lamps across your skin and the fabric of your night clothes, silky and shiny, that makes him wonder if you aren’t secretly part Diathim, glowing, angelic and something more. 

You tread carefully, turning down all the lights before slipping under the covers with him and urging him to rest on his side, back facing you. He doesn’t question nor does he complain as you curl against his back, holding him as if he were smaller than you and capable of being the little spoon. 

It is comforting, the way your legs tangle with his own and your arms wrap fully around him. The weight and warmth of you at his back as you press little kisses into the space on the back of his neck. 

“I know you, big. I love you and I don’t think you’d ever do anything to put those children at risk or hurt them. I hope you know that about yourself too.” You murmur it into his ear, soft and quiet, almost afraid to speak too loud and disrupt the peace. You tighten your grip on him and hope, hope that he doesn’t think he’s a danger to the younglings, hope that he doesn’t doubt himself because he is the gentlest person you have ever met. 

He can’t find words, not really. Can’t express the gratitude and love he has for you in that moment. That you allow him a safe place to cry and feel, so be something other than captain and clone. Instead he reaches for your hand on his stomach and holds it in his own, presses it to his heart with a squeeze before pulling it to his lips and pressing a kiss to your skin. 

His beard tickles the back of your hand, like always, and it instantly makes you smile. He doesn’t need to say it, you know he loves you and you don’t expect to hear it tonight. Not after the tears and the clear pain he’s gone through. 

Still it is a lovely surprise to hear, when he clears his dry throat and quietly whispers, “Love you too, Sunshine” at you. His voice is raspy and deeper than normal, dry from his crying and his words are soft and quiet, barely audible. 

You pull him tighter against you and hold him, rubbing circles into his chest and pressing kisses to his neck for a good hour before he falls asleep. The quiet little snore he does, oddly not irritating or disturbing at all, a noise you’ve grown fond of, rhythmic in nature lets you know he’s officially asleep. 

It’s only then that you let yourself fall asleep as well. Only once you know he is asleep and won’t be awake and alone that you can allow yourself to drift off, content in the knowledge that he’d be okay. You promised yourself that if you saw Senator Ledwellow any time soon you’d have a bone or two or maybe ten to pick with him.

                                               ------------------------------

                                                  All Works Taglist

@charradelange @belfry-bat  @gabile18​ @beccaboo929​

[hiro-gari]

Batarou Headcanon - Yakuza AU

Hello guys, it's me again bringing more Batarou headcanon! 👀✨

While I'm still trying to finish my writing on webcomic Batarou headcanon/ficlet/oneshot (??), also battling with my stressed out condition, I will offering this silly AU headcanon instead in the meantime. Warning: implication of nsfw-ish thing towards the end, but nothing explicit, also many inaccurate depiction of the topic matters I'm so sorry.

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Badd is the firstborn of the strongest Yakuza clan, and also the Yakuza family's successor after both of his parents were assassinated by enemy clan.

The assassination happened when Badd was only a little kid while Zenko still a baby. Badd and Zenko survived from the tragedy after being saved by Bang, the leader and owner of martial art dojo, who worked as Badd's family bodyguard. They were both raised by Bang until Badd is reaching his adulthood, ready to take over his family's legacy.

Badd felt so sad after the death of his parents, sometimes mourning for them every night after Zenko was asleep. He swore to himself that he wont let the tragedy happening again, not when he still has the only precious person left from his family: Zenko. Once Badd reaching coming of age and finishing his school, he would be the Boss of his family clan.

Badd thought he wont get a friend because of his status and his intimidating look, until Bang bringing his adopted son into the dojo and introducing him to Badd. His name is Garou.

Garou, Bang's adopted son, was taught to be the next family bodyguard by Bang. So he can be the greatest martial artist to protect Badd for the rest of their life.

At first Garou was reluctant to take his future responsibility. But after seeing Badd, the most beautiful yet fierce person he ever witnessed, Garou gladly accept it. Especially after Badd bravely saving him from the bullies at school, showing how determinated he was to protect anyone he considered as his "family". Thus they started their relationship as childhood bestfriend, either in school or their home at Bang's dojo.

During that time, Garou encouraged himself to training as the best as he can in martial art. There's no way a bodyguard is weaker than the one they supposed to protect. He didn't want someone hurting Badd in the future, like what happened to his entire family. Badd is his bestfriend, his future boss, and also his first love.

Garou would be more than happy to be on Badd's side forever, protecting Badd from anyone who has ill intention towards him. It doesn't matter if Badd returned his feelings or not, because the most important thing is Badd's own happiness.

On the other hand, Badd was astonished by Garou's development and determination to become the greatest martial artist. It's like the "Fighting Spirit" is not only being inherited by his family's lineage, but also could be obtained by anyone who has strong determination. Someone who can be Badd's equal, not a subordinate no matter what people say. That's why Badd likes Garou, maybe more than just a friend along the way.

Badd also started to strengthen himself by learning how to self-defence, and to strike offensive attacks if it was needed. He didn't take martial art lesson like Garou did from Bang, instead Badd creating his own combat style using his family heirloom: a metal bat. Besides, it matched with Badd's current image as delinquent punk kid. In which could be frightening enough once he becomes full-fledged Yakuza Boss.

At school, because Garou and Badd didn't have the same class as Badd was one year younger than Garou, they would hangout on school breaktime and after school. Despite being a Yakuza's son and looking like tough kid, it doesn't mean that Badd is a bully. In fact, he was the one who becomes school protector along with Garou. There's bully gang trying to pick on poor classmates? These delinquent duo would showed up and make sure they wont get 2nd chance to do that again at all (everyone didn't know what exactly Garou and Badd have done but clearly they put the fear of god into those bullies effectively).

After school, they were either hangout on local diner/family restaurant/cafe/ice cream parlor/game arcade depends of their moods, so they could still living their live as normal teenagers for awhile. Or immediately went home at Bang's dojo to do training routines. Sometimes Badd and Garou training separately, sometimes they would sparring with eachother. Most favorite time was everytime they're trying on new techniques onto eachother in sparring session at training field, while Bang supervising them the whole time from dojo's main building entrance.

When Garou and Badd weren't in training hours, they spend time to do their own hobby as a form of relaxation. Garou likes to study in Bang's library or writing poems, whereas Badd have a fondness on cooking or baking to try out his mother's recipes, Zenko often joined him, too. Sometimes whenever Badd has difficulty on studying for exams, he always comes to Garou for help, so he ended up as Badd's tutor. In exchange, Garou asking Badd to cook for him since his cooking is delicious, thus Badd making special lunchbox for Garou as the payment.

Imagine after both of them graduated from highschool, Bang with the entire Badd's family alliance clans holding an inauguration ceremony for Badd. Badd was officially becomes the Yakuza boss and the leader of his family clan, taking his family legacy as the survivor. Then Garou pledged his loyalty for Badd as his bodyguard during the ceremony, vowed to be always be on Badd's side for the rest of his life and would never betrayed him at all cost.

Imagine Garou kneeled before Badd when he pledged his loyalty. And as soon as Garou finished his vow, he took Badd's hand and kissed his knuckle softly. Then looking at Badd with so much adoration yet there's hidden fire in those golden eyes, his trademark smug grin slowly showing on his handsome face. If Badd didn't fully realized he was in the middle of inauguration ceremony, he would thinks Garou was proposing him! Not a bad thought, actually. Maybe someday Garou would do that, if it was allowed. Nothing can stop Badd from hoping.

Imagine how badass these two when they're on-duty, and their compatible dynamic is legendary among the clans. Everyone who is Badd's family subordinate really admired and respected them wholeheartedly. Not only both are very strong equally, they're also charismatic in their own way.

Badd is a good and kindhearted leader despite looking rough on the outside, but never hesitated to show the frightening side if someone trying to mess with his beloved family. A feared leader for the enemies, but a loving leader for the family. Also very protective for Zenko and Garou. Has the alias as "Metal Bat" regarding his choice of weapon during the battle. His "Fighting Spirit" would be activated as the ultimate power only when it was in a very necessary time, but enough to put a fear onto his enemies. Not very good at delivering speech at meeting but always has the best motivational words. Secretly in love with his own bestfriend a.k.a. his bodyguard. Badd has 2 kind of tattoos: Dragon tattoo on his whole left arm and Phoenix tattoo on his back.

Garou is a total monster when in the middle of combat, especially when it comes to protect Badd, Zenko, and their entire family. Have excellent sense to detect any assassin who tried to target Badd and would eliminated them in a matter of second. Basically the Best Guardian ever. That's why their enemies would call him as "Human Monster" based on his strength and abilities to fight. But even a "monster" still has the pure and softest heart for Badd, and only Badd. Have a soft spot for any underdog and bullied kids. Garou was kinda spokeperson for Badd since he's better at delivering speech than Badd. Garou has 2 kind of tattoos: Oni/Demon tattoo on his left torso and Wolf tattoo on his back.

Zenko is the "Princess" among the family clans, but that doesn't mean she couldn't participate on being badass. She was very intelligent and the most sophisticated person among the three. Also learning battōjutsu martial art for self-defense, it's always fascinating seeing Zenko training using real sword so elegantly. Really adores her big brothers, yet never hesitated to slap some sense onto them when they're being such dumbasses. Very proud of what Badd has becomes. In the future after reaching adulthood, Zenko has 2 kind of tattoos: Cherry-blossom tattoos on her whole right arm and Samurai tattoo on her back.

Both of Garou and Badd also taking Tareo as a part of their family, after saving Tareo's family from being the enemy's hostage in a war between clans. Thus, Tareo becomes Zenko's BFF and possibly also a great trusted advisor for Badd's family in the future. Admired Garou very much. Garou inherited most of his knowledges and nerdy side to Tareo, hoping they would be useful someday. In the future after reaching adulthood, Tareo has 2 kind of tattoos: Koi tattoo on his whole right arm and Lotus tattoo on his left arm.

Imagine Garou and Badd had been mutual pining the whole time, but managed to keep it down so their family and subordinates wont noticed. Once Garou successfully confessed his romantic feeling for Badd (very awkward but sweet nonetheless), in which Badd accepted immediately, they're having a secret relationship behind the family's back. Because they didn't want to cause a ruckus between the clan family just because the Boss is currently doing lots of scandalous things together with his own bodyguard for every single day. Also the fact that Badd the Boss is the bottom most of the time, since he prefers to have Garou being an aggressive top (but there's no way Badd would never be submissive, as he always serve the good challenges for Garou to prove who's Boss).

Eventhough the family hadn't know yet about their "scandalous things", they could see how affectionate Badd towards Garou and vice versa. It's almost like those two men are lovers instead of only boss-bodyguard or bestfriends.

The way Garou being so protective for Badd, the way Badd patching up Garou's battle wounds, the way they're always looked so harmonious on fighting side-by-side in combat, the way they're gazing at eachother whenever they think noone noticed, the way Garou always kissing Badd's knuckles everytime they were going to clans war, also the way Badd kissing Garou's forehead as a blessing, the way they looked so happy when spending off-duty freetime together doing whatever they like at the moment, etc.

All of those proving that whatever relationship Garou and Badd have together is already beyond what the family members could imagine.

One time the family finally found out their nature of relationship was when Badd gotten hurt seriously after failed attempt of assassination, done by the order from another leader of clan who eventually becomes a traitor in the alliance. Garou was a second too late on completely protecting Badd because he didn't expect that there was a traitor among the family alliance. Knowing Badd was hurt sent Garou in berserk mode as he annihilated all the rest of traitor's assassins in the building, while Badd's family taking care of their unconscious Boss.

The whole betrayal angered the entire alliance members, especially Badd's core family. Garou's wrath was totally understandable because he was the closest person for Badd, seeing the devastation he caused upon the traitor clan. Zenko was in rage once she knows who was betrayed her big brother, she almost going to execute that person by herself with her own sword. Bang, who had seen this kind of assassination happened twice on Badd's family, and already considered Badd as his own son, in a silent fury immediately arranging what punishments the traitor clan would get.

The traitor clan was punished severely, and its leader was executed on the following day. Badd still resting in his home, in which guarded securely by his subordinates. Zenko was helping the caretakers to heal Badd's wounds, worrying for her big brother's condition. Garou never leaving his bedside, his hands holding Badd's hands as he quietly apologizes profusely for letting Badd hurted, for nearly losing Badd because of his own carelessness. Garou was ready if Badd wants to punish him, anything will do to get his forgiveness.

Regaining consciousness a little bit after hearing Garou's long rambling, Badd weakly ordering him to shut up and stop apologizing, because there's nothing wrong with Garou. In fact, Badd was actually grateful for Garou's good reflex to prevent the assassination from being 100% successful. That's why Badd still survive and alive, soon to be back being the Big Boss again. He smiled tenderly to reassure Garou, the hands that Garou was currently holding caressing him back.

If Garou still a small weakling kid like back then, he would be sobbing pitifully seeing his only bestfriend almost died. But now as a full-grown adult and the strongest martial artist, he just silently crying out of relief having his secret lover smiling brightly for him.

Just like a Phoenix, Badd wont die too easily, always regenerating fast and reviving again so he can comes back stronger than before. As Badd said, "Death is just a flesh wound, you can totally revive through fighting spirit and have another go!".

Wiping Garou's tears away with his hands, Badd whispering a "Thank you" for him. He cupped the bodyguard's cheeks before trying to get on sitting position, which Garou quickly supporting Badd's back by pulling him closer with his arms so he could sit properly on the bed. Now that they're facing eachother, Badd slowly reduce the distance between them until he could kiss Garou softly on the lips.

Garou was so happy to have Badd in his arms again, without any hesitation he reciprocated the kiss so it would go deeper, one hand still supporting Badd's back while the other caressing his nape, pulling the Boss even more closer than before. As the kiss becomes intimate, Badd humming in joy while his arms encircled Garou's neck, never letting him go.

They both were deep in passionate moment to notice that some of their family members saw the entire thing from the window, or from the door when the others wanted to relay the meeting report to Garou so he could tell it to their Boss. But since they were already in their own world and looked so happy, they just backed off silently and keeping the secret for the sake of the Boss. Or trying to cleanse their minds because it was "too much information to see".

Despite their status, with Badd as the infamous Yakuza Boss and Garou as his monster bodyguard, the family wont mind about their love life. As long as Garou keeps their Boss happy, why not? They both deserved everything best in their life..

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---- THE END ----

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Notes:

I'm so sorry for spawning another dumb AU headcanon again! And for working on completely impromptu writings instead continuing current WIP aaaah I can't focused enough my mind was going everywhere-- 😫😅🙏💦

Originally I was currently working for webcomic headcanon feat. short haired Fedex man (or mover?) Garou and tired Neo Heroes Badd, but something happened irl made me stressed out for whole 2 days nonstop. My mind was like a bottomless pit full of darker thoughts, I tried to think something anything so I wont be too focused on those thoughts. Hufff..

Then suddenly, this headcanon was born! Idk why I got this idea but I saw a Batarou fanart when scrolling through my phone gallery, it has nothing to do with Yakuza things but it sparked the whole idea! It was just Garou and Badd wearing matching Boyfriend Jackets™ with delinquent-esque tattoos motifs on the fabrics, with Badd resting on Garou's thigh while they're holding hands, both blushing brightly. I wish I could show you all but I forgot the source, since it was older fanworks from a Batarou Japanese artist on twitter 😢

I even trying to search what's popular tattoos motifs for yakuza members, and which one that matched their position/personality/depiction. It was kinda fun, imho.

Did you notice that tattoos placement for Badd and Zenko are mirrorring eachother? And that the tattoos motifs on their arms = their images (Dragon and Cherry-blossom, respectively), on their back = their way of life (Phoenix and Samurai, respectively)? Or Garou's tattoos, Demon on the front = his mask/job, while Wolf on the back = his true nature as both predator and protector? While Tareo's tattoos, Koi on the right arm = his soft and loving nature, Lotus on the left arm = his life journey to reach his full potential?

Also because I like the image of Zenko handling a sword like a badass, I was researching which sword martial art that suits her, both to self-defense and also to combat in emergency times. After looking through the types of sword martial art, I choose battōjutsu since it looks awesome yet still so elegant! Kinda punny when Badd choosing to use bat (literal bat) for fighting, whereas Zenko using battō (swordmanship) for fighting. Both words has similar pronounciation in Japanese, lmao! 😆

I hoped you enjoyed this AU, despite I know this wasn't impressionable enough as usual I'm so sorry. This idea was only done for 1 hour, another 1 hour to edit so it would coherent enough, so the quality was not quite good enough.. 😔 And after re-reading for several times, I just realized that I reused many elements/dynamic from my WereVamp AU welp, there goes me not being a creative person, already proven several times hhhh 😓

If there's anyone who wants to say something about this AU, please let me know. I'm always happy to receive some feedback even for the smallest, it's okay 👀💦👉👈 Also if anyone interested to use this Batarou AU, I will gladly rolling out the red carpet for you~ 👍❤❤

Thank you always for: @hiro-gari, @the-goddessfighter, @kaincuro, @garous-nipple, @jusqu-une-etudiante, @guby1620, @lovelybutnot-ablankcanvas, and @personne-tmblr, also all of Batarou shippers in the fandom! Thank you for always putting up with me on my lowly stupid af writings, I LOVE YOU guys! 😚❤💜💙💖💝💐

Wished me luck I can bounce back from the depression soon (I haven't getting any sleep for a whole day by the time I wrote this sentence ehehehe), and I hope you have great days, guys. Thank you all.. 🙏🙇💕💞💖🌼🌻

-Little1993lamb-

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~Lilia:

dw I gotchu😉 it’s opm_small_dduck on Twitter, their art is amazing ✨ I knew exactly which one u meant, definitely sets the tone for this hc!!

YAAAS tho I LOVE this AU! Especially them growing up together and having a reliable partner while being raised to fill their unique roles AWWW. They’ve had each other’s backs since the beginning and nobody better mess with them! Big Boss Badd 😤 it suits him so well 👏

The scene at the end tho 🥺 agh, I can imagine how shitty Garou would feel if something happened to Badd under his watch 😖 even if there was nothing he could have done to prevent it, he’d still be all emotional about it... Just might make out with the Yakuza Boss in front of his family without a second thought.., 🤷🏻‍♀️💗

And yes omg I’m love the tats!! The symbolism 👌 you nailed it!! Sword wielding Yakuza Zenko though 🙇‍♀️ Queen. Yes.

Thank you so much for this anon!! Hope you are getting some sleep 😩💖 LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU😚

[iwach4n]

Reminisce (Iwaizumi x fem!Reader)

This is incredibly self indulgent but by god i want to marry Iwa. I want to marry him so bad.

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

warnings: mild swearing

word count: 1889

read time: 7 minutes

11:30am was not a particularly early time to wake up, but considering that you had returned to the hotel room at 3:00 after hours apon hours of drinking, dancing and chatting with friends and family, it was actually quite impressive. You looked and felt a mess, with sweat remaining from the shower you had been too tired to take, hair sticking out in every direction and remnants of makeup, sloppily removed in early hours of the morning, smudged around your face. And yet, Iwaizumi was still looking at you like you were the most amazing thing on Earth.

"What?" you laughed, shifting closer to him under the covers.

"Just looking at my beautiful wife," he responded, with an expression so lovestruck it made you giggle more.

"I'm never going to get used to that."

It was his turn to laugh, pulling you closer against his bare chest, "You better, Mrs Iwaizumi, because I'm going to keep saying it."

You smiled with an expression mirroring his own. In the five years you had been together, you never got tired of mornings like these. Waking up in his arms, taking in every detail of his face, memorising exactly how his body felt pressed against yours. And now you were married. There was nothing better in the world.

"What did I do to get so lucky?" he mused, making you shove him half-heartedly with a laugh.

"Save the compliments for when I don't look like shit."

His arms didn't relent, wrapping around you and pulling you ontop of him. A soft kiss was pressed to your lips.

"I'm not kidding. If someone had told me seven years ago that I'd get to marry you, I'd be overjoyed, and also never believe them," Iwa said, before catching himself on his words.

"Seven years ago? You mean like first year?" you asked, a hint of amusement in your voice as you rested your chin on his chest. He groaned a little in embarrassment.

"Okay, so I may have lied when I said I started liking you at the start of third year."

You couldn't help but start laughing for real now.

"We didn't even talk in first year!"

"I know, but I was sixteen! What was I supposed to do, not fall for the cute girl who helped me with my English homework?" he defended as you rolled off him in your laughter, finding his reaction funnier than the actual situation.

"You're so adorable," you said, pecking him on the lips and giggling at his red face.

"Asking you for help with that English was probably the best decision of my life." His hand found its way to yours under the covers, calloused fingers intertwining with your soft ones.

"I can't believe that's actually what got you," your laughs were softer now. At the start of your relationship, you had been a little insecure as to whether Hajime liked you as much as he said he did, but you'd grown past that now. Though you sometimes wondered quite what he saw in you, you knew he wasn't lying about anything.

"You were pretty and nice to me and you told Oikawa to fuck off. At the time, that was like, my dream woman."

A snort escaped from your mouth as you nestled into the crook of his arm, tracing patterns along his chest.

"I think the moment I really fell for you was when I first saw you play in a match," you mused, remembering being dragged to watch with your friends in second year and not regretting it one bit. Your husband gave a small hum of encouragement, as if telling you to continue, so you did.

"I mean, I thought you were hot and cool and whatever before, but on court, you were just so... driven. You kept pushing for one more point," you said, eyes glued to your finger as it wove its way through invisible paths along his torso, "it was like a whole new side of you."

As you spoke, he had buried his face in your hair, and you felt him smile against your scalp.

"Honestly, that's the only way you would've fallen for me. I'd have been much more awkward if I'd known you were watching."

"Looking back, you were so awkward," you recalled, thinking back to your highschool days, "but at the time, I just thought you hated me or something."

"For real?" It was his turn to rumble in laughter.

"You were always avoiding me!" you said in defence, pouting at his growing laughs.

"I'm sorry for making you think that," he said, unable to keep the grin off his face, "you were so ridiculously pretty that I got nervous. And it's only gotten better from there."

"Someone's sappy today," you giggled as he rolled over, hovering over you. He only hummed in response, planting a sweet kiss on your lips, "but seeing as we're remembering the old times, remember when you first asked me out?"

These words were enough to make him groan and collapse off of you, arm going up to cover his reddening face.

"I wish I didn't. Most embarrassing moment of my life."

"I think I need to refresh your memory," you managed through giggles.

"No!" he groaned, "you do not."

"Oh, I'm going to."

Hajime always got embarrassed when you brought up how he asked you out on your first date because it was a prime example of how awkward he'd been at the start of your relationship. You still remembered it vividly, and his reaction to you telling the story was almost as cute as the image in your head, so you would remind him every chance you got.

"Can we talk about the proposal instead? I was a lot cooler with that one."

You ignored his pleas, beginning your narration, "Imagine it-"

"You told this like fifty times yesterday. Stop," he was laughing too, despite being bashful.

"This isn't just what I told yesterday. This is the unabridged version, just for you," you said, and he finally gave up on arguing with a sigh, "imagine it; the last week of third year, and it was coming to the end of a maths lesson - a class I didn't share with the hero of our story. In my head, I was thinking about the lovely ace, who is currently looking at me like if someone was to shoot him, he wouldn't complain, but that his dying wish would be for me to shut up. I was wondering if I should make a move on him."

Iwaizumi's face turns from one of annoyance to curiosity - he hasn't heard this part of the story. You'd never really told him what went through your head that day. Noticing his change of expression, you decided to expand on that train of thought.

"You see, there was only a week left. After that, I might not get the chance. I might never see him again - at least, this is what I thought, as I didn't know that we were both going to the same university the next year. Part of me thought that it was now or never, but I decided on never. He was cool and popular and always seemed confident. If he liked me, I thought, he would make a move himself. This thought crossed my mind as I began to pack my things, and then, as if on cue-"

Iwaizumi's arm returned to covering his face. This was his least favourite part of the story.

"My knight in shining armour burst in, having been let out of his class early, and shouted, in front of the whole class, '(Y/N), I really like you, and have for a while! Please go on a date with me!'"

Your husband let out a long groan at this, the embarrassment still fresh despite it having been five years. Usually, this is where you stopped. It was pretty much the end of the story. But you continued.

"Naturally, I agreed. But, as if things weren't already awkward enough, our good old friend Oikawa decided to pipe up from behind you-"

"Oh my god," Hajime interrupted momentarily, "I forgot about this bit."

"And the somewhat sweet confession was finished off with the lovely note of 'Woo! They're finally gonna bone!'. The end."

It appeared the little addition shook Iwa out of the annoyed mood the story usually put him in, because he uncovered his face and laughed reminiscently.

"We both got detention for that," he chuckled, pulling you back into his chest.

"Was it worth it?" you asked, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it anyway.

"Take a look around. We're married. Of course it was worth it," what was probably the hundreth kiss of the day was placed on your forehead, "I'd sit through a million detentions to keep you with me."

"Good thing you don't have to. I don't think I'd be able to go a million hours without you," you said, beginning to fiddle with his hair, "can I try and plait your hair?"

"No," was the short answer, "we're gonna talk about that first date I asked you on."

"Why?" you asked, cocking your head as your fingers left his hair. The date had been nice, but other than the fact it was your first with your now husband, there had been nothing particularly special about it.

"Don't think I've forgotten about when you tried to say you were hungry and instead said horny, and were so shocked by the fact that your mouth did that that you spilt your drink all over both of us."

"Oh my god, even I forgot about that."

"I'm gonna give you a dramatic narration."

"No!"

The rest of the morning and early afternoon was taken up like this - reminiscing about notable moments in your relationship. Everything from your first kiss, which had turned an uneventful 'date' of running errands together into a special one, to your first 'I love you's, which had slipped out on a late night call. Each of you gave vivid retellings of meeting the other's parents for the first time, which had gone swimmingly for Hajime, but had been incredibly awkward for you until his father made some comment about thinking his son was gay until then because of the amount of time he spent with Oikawa. That really broke the ice between you, but it put Iwaizumi into an adorably disagreeable mood for the rest of the night. Iwa finally got to talk about the proposal, which you had to admit had been very romantic, and then you talked about the wedding the night before.

Eventually, you moved on from the past and talked about the future. Where to go for your honeymoon, where you'd like to settle down one day, how many kids you'd like and when. You decided you'd move to the outskirts of Tokyo, and start a family in your late twenties. You settled on two kids, but maybe a third a little later on. And then, when you retired, you'd move to the Okinawa prefecture and live by the beach. By the time you got hungry enough to need to get up, you felt like your entire life was planned.

You couldn't wait to make it real and have more things to reminisce about.

[captainthane]

The Road Trip (Part 2)

As Colan was driving across the roads and different beautiful landscapes, the human was in the kitchen of the mobile home. They were the most experienced when it came to cook and prepare meals. In the meantime, Vylixia was taking a shower and Sybil was helping Colan about the direction of their next destination. For today’s lunch; pastas! However, Lea was a bit concerned 

- I wanted to apologise to you. (Lea)

Tom, who was dealing with the sauce for the pastas, didn’t expect to hear that from Lea.

- Why? Is everything fine? (Tom)

- If I knew you were having such trouble with your life...I would have come to you sooner to help you...(Lea)

Surprisingly, Tom laughed and was also smiling. It was Lea’s turn to see such unexpected reaction from him.

- That’s sweet of you. But don’t worry, I’m better these times. You and me barely knew each other. We were only meeting during the self-defence lessons. You couldn’t guess how I felt. Besides, let me remind you that you were also having your own issues. (Tom)

- That’s true. In the end, we were trying to cope with our issues and it seems other people decided to come help us instead. (Lea)

They both looked at Sybil and Tom with a smile; a very sweet smile. Lea hit Tom’s elbow with her own. 

- You like her, don’t you? (Lea)

Tom jumped and blushed intensively. He put his hand on Lea’s mouth and checked if Sybil heard Lea. It wasn’t the case.

- Why are you saying such thing?! (Tom)

Lea took Tom’s hand off from her mouth.

- I noticed how you were looking and smiling at her sometimes. You have feelings for her, right? Don’t worry, I will keep that to myself. (Lea)

- I...I’m not sure. It’s complicated...despite her serious and strict nature sometimes, she still acts as a kind, respectful and adorable person. Nevertheless, it’s never a good idea to start a romantic relationship based on the dynamic victim-savior. It can have bad consequences for the two people...(Tom)

- I’m sure that she doesn’t feel like a savior and you are not a victim either anymore. But let’s keep that topic for another. I think we have arrived! (Lea)

Vylixia left the shower as she finished to clean herself whereas the mobile home parked in a parking. A white colour could be seen from the inside of the vehicule. 

- Where are we? That white colour is pretty! (Vylixia)

- We are the Mont Blanc, it’s a huge mountain and quite famous on Earth. (Tom)

- The white thing...is that what humans called the snow?! (Colan)

- It is! (Lea)

Vylixia and Colan looked at each other for a brief second before running outside the mobile home. They were already playing with the snow and they could hear their laughs and giggles from inside the mobile home.

- I think they love the place. They are such kids. (Sybil)

The angel smiled and giggled before also going outside to enjoy the view. 

- This road trip was a super idea! (Lea)

- I agree with you! Let’s join them and we will eat after! (Tom)

Both of them ran and started a snow battle with the demons. In the same time, Sybil was watching them to make sure they wouldn’t provoke any disaster. Suddenly, she focused her attention on Tom as she was having a different smile for him.

- He really is lovely...(Sybil)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 2 of the road trip story is done! It reveals something interesting for Sybil and Tom ^^ also the demons discover snow XD enjoy the story ^^

Tom, Sybil, Lea, Colan and Vylixia belong to me

Okaria et feria belongs to me and @wildstarfan

[radiioman]

🎙️ Hizashi gives Sansa ( @scmoto ) a new Radiohead album every year for Christmas.

🎙️Hizashi has an old Polaroid camera that he uses for special occasions because the film is expensive and hard to find.

🎙️ Hizashi knows how to kickbox.

His long limbs are good for it, and with DJ punch being a right hook punch (generally used in boxing), it makes sense that he would know some form of kickboxing.

Three days a week in high school Hizashi would take kickboxing classes. Sometimes he’d get bullied for being too loud and obnoxious which would have deterred him from using his quirk often so he took it upon himself to learn a different form of self defence. He continues it after high school as well.

Hizashi enjoys kickboxing. Even after he didn’t care what people thought about his quirk or his loudness in general, he continued to take his lessons just in case he would ever have to use hand to hand combat. While normally using his quirk to stun others or keep them at bay, his preferred method, Hizashi would be ready to fight hand to hand if need be.

To this day he still goes kickboxing. Not 3 times a week, but just when he can to make sure he didn’t forget what the learned and to brush up on his skills. It’s a good way to relieve stress.

🎙️Love Language - Touch. Whether it’s casual/platonic or romantic love, Hizashi likes to be touched, and to touch others. It’s very simple, and it’s very common when it comes to the voice hero.Whether it’s placing a hand on someone’s shoulder, slapping a hand on their back, wrapping his arm around their shoulder and pulling them in, ect, touching someone shows that he cares about you. It doesn’t matter how he does it—platonically or romantically.And he likes to be touched. Thrives on it. It makes him feel cared for. It makes him feel like someone cares and appreciates him, no matter the context. Hizashi is a cuddler, too, and that stems from his affectionate nature.However, if someone does not like to be touched—he will respectfully stop and give them their space. (Except for Shouta because sorry man ur his best friend and he’s gonna bother you, I don’t make the rules)

🎙️ Other then anxiety, Hizashi also has ADHD and Tinnitus! His tinnitus usually sounds like ringing in his ears. He developed tinnitus from over usage of his quirk.

🎙️ The relationship with Hizashi and his parents is very strained, but his relationship with his mother is repairing.

Both of his parents are classical musicians and work within the industry. Hizashi grew up learning to play classical instruments with the hopes from his parents that he would join them in a classical music career. Because they travelled to perform, this is how Hizashi learned English.However, when Hizashi was born, he started to damage their hearing when he cried and from that moment things became very hard. They didn’t expect the voice quirk that came from their son and the adjustment was not pleasant.

Unable to control his quirk for a little while, Hizashi had started to accidentally damage his parents’ hearing more. It gained him some resentment from his parents because he was the cause of their hearing impairments that affected their jobs. When Hizashi was around 10, he got into DJ music—and other forms of music that his parents didn’t approve of.

When Hizashi was 17, he got into an argument with his mother about his choices and accidentally screamed at her with his quirk, causing her to go deaf, thus ending her career and causing more strain within their relationship. When Hizashi was 19, his parents divorced and he blamed himself and his quirk for it, couch surfing for a while until he got his head in the game and focusing on his Pro Hero Career.

He learned Japanese Sign Language in order to talk to his mother, in which their relationship has slowly repaired. Hizashi hasn’t seen his father since the divorce, and he likes to keep it that way.

[nad-zeta]

Match up! (✪‿✪)ノ

Hi i was wondering if you could do a ikevamp mashup for me! I’m very antisocial and I love to work hard. It takes me a long time to get used to people and when I do I get cautious when they learn my religion, pegan/Wiccan. I love studying different cultures and religions. I love to learn self defense and I really want to learn horseback riding. I’m also very shortish but I surround myself with tall people. And I always have and open ear, mind, and arms for anyone! I hope I’m not asking for too much I’ll understand!

Hi hi, love! ❤🌻Thanks so much for the request! I am so sorry for taking soooooo long!😱🙈 You are most definitely not asking for too much dear!🌻❤ I legit love doing these match ups so thanks again for the request! 😆I hope you enjoy this and I hope you have a super good day! @acethephoenix256 ❤🌻

Hehe, so I was between Napoleon and Jean for me, and after spending a long time thinking about it I finally decided on……

So I match you with………………….. Jean

The first time you arrive at the mansion it is actually Napoleon who, takes you under his brotherly wing and befriends you. He sees how antisocial you are and as designated ‘get introverts and tsundere out of their shell person’ Napoleon enlists himself as your very own mansion big brother.

Your hard-working nature earned you the respect and trust of all those in the mansion. Sabastian was ecstatic that he finally had some help around the mansion, and honestly, he couldn’t ask for a better person to aid him in the daily runnings of the household. You were a quick learner, and you did your work with speed, accuracy and perfection. Sabastian TBH has never met someone as hard-working and diligent as you. After some time, you and the butler also befriend each other; however, your secret about your religion remained just that a secret. You really liked both Sabastian and Napoleon but you were still wary of them, you were always cautious when people learned your religion, so you best thought to keep it a secret for the time being. 

There however was one person in particular that you couldn’t help but feel drawn to and that was Jean. The two of you have been curiously watching each other since you arrived. Of course Napoleon took notice of your interest in each other and decided to give the two of you a little push. Napoleon had heard from Sabastian that one of your goals in life was to learn how to ride a horse. And it just so happened that the two of the best riders in the mansion was Napoleon and Jean. During one of your conversations with the former emperor, he offered to teach you how to ride, and offer which you excitingly accepted.

You waited at the stables for Napoleon to show up and give you your lesson. It had been 10 minutes already and still no Napoleon, so you started to wander around the stables while you waited. As you wandered around aimlessly, a large black horse caught your attention, the horse seemed to be on edge. You carefully approached the black beauty and very meekly held out your hand, reaching out as not to startle the already panicked horse. You remembered watching a show on TV once that spoke about the best way to approach a startled animal. You remember the main tip was to approach them slowly without making any sudden movements or eye contact, so you did just that. The black horse sniffed your hand before pushing her nose into the palm of your hand, an action which seemed to have calmed her down a bit. You then brought your other hand to gently stroke the horses face. 

Jean stood at the stable’s entrance in complete awe. The black horse was quite a temperamental creature and usually, wouldn’t let anyone besides himself to even get close to it. The poor horse was heavily abused and had a great mistrust of humans. Jean had stumbled upon the poor creature during one of his walks, and his heart broke to see such a beautiful creature being treated so poorly. He had rescued the animal and brought it to the mansion; however, he had been the only one permitted to touch him, well, that is until now.  

“Mademoiselle, you must be a truly wonderful person for Midnight to allow you to touch her.” You retracted your hand from the horse feeling slightly startled. Jean, then went on to explain that Napoleon had conveniently forgotten that he had promised his students that he would teach them reading that afternoon and ask him to teach you to ride a horse in his absence. You gave a small nod and smile, you low key did want to get to know this mysterious man better, and if he was willing to teach you to ride a horse, you were more than happy. 

Jean was an incredibly patient kind man and took his time going over all the basics, from explaining the function of every strap and stirrups, to saddling and mounting the horse. By the end of the lesson you could successfully saddle up a horse, you gave Jean a small smile and thanked him for giving you such an informative lesson. 

At your next lesson the exact same thing happened, and then the next and then the next. Napoleon every afternoon without fail would conveniently forget an errand that he had to run, and pass the job as teacher onto his friend Jean. You actually through these lessons started becoming more and more used to Jean, and soon you were comfortable enough to start opening up a bit more to the man. 

By this time, he had taught you all the basics, and you were finally ready to put your lessons to use and go on your first out ride. To say you were nervous would be an understatement, but with the help of Jean’s reassurance and encouragement, the two of you set off on an adventure. The two of you trotted through the countryside and then decided to take a break near a river. You freed the horses and let them graze on the lushes green grass, as you sat beneath a great big willow tree. Jean joined you under the shade of the tree and handed you some lunch, that Sebastian had packed for the two of you. As the two of you ate your lunch Jean couldn't help but want to get to know you slightly better.

He had noticed that you were very much into nature and the cycles of the moon, so he decided to ask you about it. Your guard had gone up instantly, you really liked Jean and the last thing you wanted was for him to judge you for your beliefs. As if sensing your defence, he then proceeded to change the subject slightly by telling you about his culture and religion, in hopes to get you to relax around him once more. You stared up at him bright-eyed, relaxing again slightly as you loved learning about different cultures and religions. It was especially fascinating to hear about Jeans experiences being from so far back in the past. 

You listened to Jean low key pour his heart out about his past and what had led him to the decision of becoming a vampire. He also told you how he now feels like a monster, a sinner, someone who is impure and undeserving of love. As he told you the tale of his life everything started falling into place and you had realized the reason as to why he never seemed to want to get too close to you. He thought that someone as impure as him belonged in the darkness and shadows away from someone as pure, innocent and beautiful as you. 

Your heart truly went out to him, especially when you saw the pain and regret swirling around in his eye, and that is when you decided to confide in him. You had told him of your religion/beliefs, that you were a pagan and that most people feared you, or judged you immensely once you revealed this piece of information to them. Jean simply sat and listen to you, he too had lost many a friend over the topic of religion. He surprised you when he curiously asked you all about your religion and its practices. He honestly found it so interesting and fascinating and hung onto your every word. The two of you spent the whole afternoon in deep conversation about religion of all topic.

By the time the two of you had arrived back at the mansion the sun had long ago dipped beneath the horizon. Sebastian and Comte were pacing around the entrance thinking the worst. Just before they decided to send a search party to find the two of you, you walked through the door. They took one look at yours and Jean’s faces and couldn’t even be mad at the two of you arriving home so late, and making them worry. As they had just witnessed something they had never really seen before in all their years, and that would be Jean genuinely smiling.

The two of you had since started spending a lot more time with each other. Jean had discovered that you also wanted to learn self-defence, so he decided to teach you some moves. He took you to the training hall where he taught you everything from fending off unwanted advances, to disarming potential attackers. You honestly had so much fun during your lessons with Jean. You had soon come to realize that under his mysterious persona laid a hilariously funny goofball. He at times would honestly make the punniest jokes, all while wearing the most beautiful smile. He would of course make these jokes just to be able to see your radiant smile light up the room. Jean also really enjoyed finally having another person to spar with other than his dear friend Napoleon, when his mind would feel crowded with negative thoughts.

You loved that Jean was a bit of a romantic and that he always seemed to remember even the smallest details you would reveal to him. He knew you loved nature so he would take you on little dates outside, like a walk in the forest, playing with his little tiger cub or simply stargazing. One night as the two of you was gazing up at the night sky, Jean turned to you and confessed his feelings for you. You too had long ago fallen in love with Jean, so you practically tackled him to the ground in a tight hug when he said that he loved you.

Jean, honestly loved everything about you from your open mind to your kind sweet, caring nature, helping anyone in need and never turning a hurt soul away. He will be forever thankful to you for helping him heal from some of his past traumas. You were the one who saved him from the darkness of his own mind and accepted him for who he was.

Jean absolutely loves to hold and cuddle you, showering you with endless amounts of affection. He is not big on PDA so if the two of you cuties are out on a walk or at a banquet he will opt to gently hold your hand in his or only give you a small kiss on the cheek as a display of his affection. Jean loves to give you small kisses on the tip of your nose, and you can’t help but chuckle slightly at the blush that would spread across his face whenever he would do this in public. 

He loves going horse riding with you and exploring new places. Often the two of you would go out horse riding together and then rest nestled together under the shade of a tree. All while sharing a romantic picnic 

The two of you cuties have also taken over a small section of the garden and have started gardening together. Jean found that spending time in nature and gardening has a way of calming his mind. After he shared his love for gardening with you, you low key fell in love with it as well. When the two of you are together, its always a good time, whether it’s playing in the garden, while planting herbs or laughing at Jeans terrible flower puns you can’t help but wear a bright, radiant smile around the soft boi

Because both of you share a love in learning about different cultures and religions, it is not uncommon for the two of you to visit the library or bookshop during your dates. The two of you would sit and read together for hours and hours and once you are done, you would go to the nearest café to discuss your new-found knowledge over a cup of tea.

Jean truly sends up a prayer of thanks everyday for having met such a wonderful amazing person

Other potential matches................ Napoleon 

I hope you enjoyed this love! And i hope you have a super good day! 🌻

[anxiousmoodlet]

𝕎𝕪𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕣𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕤 for @eeriesims‘ The Many Suitors of One Clary Wiggins

The world isn’t kind to demons. Wyvern grew up being called all sorts of names: Devil-spawn, son of Hell, Infernal fiend, the fruit of Lilith’s rotten womb... you know, the usual stuff. Only his mother possessed horns and leathery wings however, his father was perfectly human. A Daughter of Torment wandered free from the bowels of Hell, so that little Wyvern might be born upon the shores of Glimmerbrook. Though his mother now frequents Eternal Damnation more than she does the Living Realm, and his father is nowhere to be seen, Wyvern has done all he can to build and maintain a life in the only place he’s ever known.

Read more for Wyvern’s full biography!

ℕ𝕒𝕞𝕖: Wyvern Burroughs 𝔹𝕚𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕕𝕒𝕪/𝔸𝕘𝕖: 18/10/1991 — 28 years old 𝕊𝕡𝕖𝕔𝕚𝕖𝕤: Demonspawn (he’s essentially a tiefling ok) ℍ𝕖𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥: 6′1  𝕊𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝 𝕆𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟: Pansexual 𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣/ℙ𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕤: Male — He/him 𝕆𝕔𝕔𝕦𝕡𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕚𝕟 𝔾𝕝𝕚𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕣𝕓𝕣𝕠𝕠𝕜: GBPD Detective

ℕ𝕚𝕔𝕜𝕟𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤:

𝕎𝕪𝕝𝕚𝕖 — A shortened version of Wyvern he adopted very early on, introduces himself as this.

𝕃𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕝𝕖 𝕎𝕪𝕣𝕞 — His mother’s pet name for him.

𝔻𝕠𝕦𝕓𝕝𝕖 𝔻. — Stands for “Devil Detective”, his GBPD partner calls him this.

𝔽𝕦𝕟 𝕃𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕝𝕖 𝕋𝕚𝕕𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤:

1. “No one can ever know I play the violin, all right?” — Wyvern plays the violin. In fact, he plays the violin quite well. His mother always had a fondness for human music, it was one of the only aspects of their culture she could appreciate. After trialling piano, guitar, and a brief stint with the harp, Wyvern stuck with the violin and took lessons at his mother’s behest well in to his late teens. He still plays sometimes, it’s very melancholy when he does.

2. “I promise, I’m not as scary as I look.” — Wyvern starts almost every conversation with the “Demon Disclaimer,” a spiel about how he isn’t going to devour your soul or curse you for eternity. Even in Glimmerbrook, where supernatural creatures are abundant, he likes to make sure. It’s also one of the reasons he decided to join the police force, so that he could be seen to be doing good. It took a long time to earn that trust and the badge that came with it though, he had the longest officer internship of anyone in GBPD’s history.

3. “There’s no way I’m missing the midnight viewing.” — Wyvern is a bit of a huge movie nerd. He’ll watch any genre so long as it’s well-written and creatively shot, but his favourites lie with 80′s horror classics and cheesy 90′s car chase scenes. He’s also been known to enjoy the odd romantic-comedy when the mood strikes him, but will boast that he can predict them scene-for-scene. That being said, the ending of La La Land made him cry like a little bitch. Didn’t see that one coming, huh Wylie?   

4. “There’s a line where the sea meets the sky, it calls me— I’m joking.” — Cheesy Moana reference aside, Wyvern has a bad case of wanderlust. He’s been in Glimmerbrook all his life, and he’s always wanted to see more of the world... but why leave the place you’ve worked so hard to make your home? He's terrified of being met with rejection if he were to so much as dip his toes in adventure. A demonspawn can’t just stroll down any old street, or so he believes. His self-doubt is quiet, but boy oh boy, it’s real.

5. “Just five more minutes, okay?” — Wyvern loves nothing more than his bed. He has to set at least five alarms to get up in the morning, just so he can snooze them all and then leap out of bed with ten minutes to spare. He’s been known to doze at his desk in the precinct on quiet days, and sleep well in to the late afternoon on his days off. Attempts to instil healthier habits with morning jogs, fridge planners and social outings have all done little to help him.  

6. “No, no. It’s not me that you want.”— Wyvern has had very limited romantic interactions throughout his life. Well, he’s had very limited meaningful romantic interactions. Though the man’s not shy of the old Netflix and chill by any stretch of the imagination, he more-often-than-not never lets anything progress past that point. That fear of rejection kicks in every single time: who could love a demonspawn? He’s had one serious relationship in the past, and it ended with him breaking it off when things were getting too real.

7. “Hey, I got us a round of tequila!”— Maybe it’s the demonic genes, but Wyvern can drink. As much as he enjoys a cold pint with his partner after work, he also enjoys slamming back Sambuca shots and ending the night asleep on the beach. He’s an incredibly volatile drunk. Fiercely protective of his social group, but also quick to misunderstand the conversation and take offence. Any issues are usually remedied with hugs and drawling “I love you guys.” 

𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕀𝕞𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕥 ℚ𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤

➊ ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕚𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕞𝕖𝕖𝕥 ℂ𝕝𝕒𝕣𝕪? “Oh, it was really lame. We were in the general store, and she did that thing, you know. She was in front of me in the queue, but I only had a coffee to pay for, and she had a whole bunch of stuff... so, she let me go first. Real sweet of her. We talked about the weather a little, she said my coffee smelt good. I remember, she said it was a little too late in the day for her to be having coffee, but she really fancied one now. I've never wanted to give up my coffee to someone more than I did then.”

➋ 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕚𝕞𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕠𝕗 ℂ𝕝𝕒𝕣𝕪? “She was like a breeze, you know? I forgot I had horns and yellow eyes for a second. Her hair was kind of messy like she’d had a busy afternoon, and there were loads of fresh fruit in her shopping cart, she was like this slice of wholesome. Normally new people in Glimmerbrook terrify me, but not her.”  

➌ 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕝 𝕕𝕒𝕥𝕖? “I like doing something a little silly, because I think if you can’t be silly with someone, then you’re doomed. Karaoke is my favourite first date — we don’t even have to go up and sing! But just in that easy-going environment, having a laugh, shouting over the tone-deaf performers because we'd rather fight the music than not have a conversation, you know?”

➍ 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥'𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕝 𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡? “Effortlessness. I know that sounds daft, because all good things need to be worked for, and all that jazz... but I think my ideal relationship would be something so natural and easy, that we forget we have to work at it even when times get tough. Just having someone to reach— equilibrium with, you know? I know it takes time to get to that point, but I just want to know that it’s possible. It would be so worth waiting for.”

“Bonus points for someone who doesn’t mind kicking my ass out of bed in the morning.”

➎ 𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥'𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖? “Oh boy, all right. I have some serious trust issues, but not for lack of trying to resolve them. I can’t help but view everybody around me with a sort of air of uncertainty, and I suppose that makes me come off a little standoffish. It’s just that I so badly want people to have a positive opinion of me, that I spend the majority of my time being terrified that they don’t. I swear, I’m going to drive myself mad with it one day.”

“I’ve been told I use humour as a defence mechanism. Whenever the conversation is stilted, or I sense any kind of awkwardness: I’ll crack a joke. If someone asks me a serious question, or how I am: I’ll crack a joke. It’s second-nature at this point, and I swear it’s stemmed from wanting to make people smile. It also helps with the whole detective shtick, but that’s besides the point.”

“I loosen up around friends though, it’s not all so dreary! I still like to think I’m the sharp-witted, funny one, but it becomes less deflective. I’m also really protective of the people I love, foaming-at-the-mouth-crazy sort of protective. I know, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea... but there aren’t very many people who are willing to let me be that close to them, and there’s no way I’m going to let anything hurt those people.”

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 55: Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ Bʏ Aɴʏ Mᴇᴀɴs

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Fifty-Five

Settled in the sunshine of the courtyard, I enjoyed the bustle of activity around me, whilst safe in the knowledge that I didn’t have any current responsibilities or risk of surprise attack. It was relaxing to be around familiar faces and to have the time to reflect on my feelings. My time with Arlo gave me little time to think and I relished in the opportunity to let my guard down for a while. I jumped at the arrival of Bellamy, who smiled warmly down at me.

“There you are, Trouble. So, I managed to get access to the training space for this afternoon and the trainees have been told that you’re offering a session. They’re actually pretty pumped. You still feel good enough to instruct?” He investigated with an obvious enthusiasm in his manner and I raised my brows in surprise. Immediately I regretted not discussing a time frame when I’d agreed to this favour and took a moment to gather my words.

“I didn’t expect to be doing that today, but...sure, I can do it for you.” I answered with a forced smile and mentally tried to assure myself that I was able to teach despite the dull ache in my ribs. He looked momentarily concerned as he examined my face and stepped closer to place a hand on my arm in a protective gesture.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to do it if you’re in too much pain.” He enquired with his brows knitted tightly together and I could tell that he was analysing me for any signs of weakness that I might be burying. I shook my head in defiance and hoped that my well-practiced in control act would be enough to fool him. “Alright. You’ll be training with me, so don’t worry about getting hurt.” He revealed in a tone that he clearly intended to be reassuring and I couldn’t help a wry smile at his plan.

“Aww, that’s sweet. You didn’t want me beating the snot out of anyone else, huh?” I taunted deviously and his brows shot up in surprise at my brazen attitude. “So selfless.” I teased with a playful prod at his ribs that caused him to flinch reactively and he scoffed with a subtle fondness in his eyes as he shook his head at me.

“Very funny.” He commented with his charmingly wonky smile that made my heart leap and I basked in the warmth of our banter. It was refreshing to indulge in flirtatious teasing after such intensity with Arlo and the contrast only increased my appreciation of my relationship with Bellamy. His eyes grew serious as he viewed me and I recognised a genuine worry in his posture as he cleared his throat to speak again. “You’re teaching them to fight someone bigger, especially men. Did you honestly think that I was gonna risk any man in this camp hurting you?” He detailed with just a hint of aggression in his voice as he glanced around us as if analysing for any potential threats and I chuckled at his protectiveness. It was entirely unnecessary but I was flattered by his determination to shield me from any harm; it was frustratingly romantic.

“Well, you just make sure you don’t go easy on me, alright? They need to learn and they can’t do that if my assistant is too afraid of injuring me to properly participate. Think you can do that?” I probed with a brow raised at him in suspicion and he fidgeted on the spot in a display of discomfort that he tried unsuccessfully to hide behind a forced display of confidence.

“Sure.” He answered firmly and I shook my head at him in disbelief. I could already recognise that he was reluctant at this suggestion and my mind began racing with all of the potential ways in which this could be disastrous for our relationship. I felt a panicked tug in my chest that screamed to rescind my offer and as I met his eyes, I knew that he could sense my unease. “Don’t worry Inds. I’ll do whatever you need to teach them. Now come on, we should get there early to set up.” He excused before encouraging me to follow him and I quashed the feelings of dread that he would be overly gentle with me.

We entered a space that Bellamy had clearly been using for guard training for a while and set up soft items to break the fall to the ground, amongst other methods. When people began to enter, I was stunned at the number of trainees who had turned up for me and found myself wracking my brain for ideas. I wished that we’d had the time to practice together, so that I had a course prepared for them but quickly realised that Bellamy was likely counting on my impulsivity. I was relieved when he took the lead to address the gathered crowd and instructed them to pair up to practice their usual drills so that I could observe the technique that they were currently using. 

I noticed that much of the methods that they had been taught depended on core strength and easily understood why the females of the trainee guard had expressed concern for this. Instructors that were built like Lincoln and Bellamy were clearly used to having superior strength, but for the average female in our camp such as myself, this was not something that we could rely on. I worried that if they were to come into contact with grounders, who fought viciously, or a well trained force such as the guards of Mount Weather, these manoeuvres would be insufficient. Mentally, I scanned through the memories of my own experiences in an effort to uncover specific teachable information and as mentioned by Bellamy, I focused on the fights that I’d barely scraped through with my life. The methods that I had resorted to were likely more extreme than anything that leadership would consider as a regular curriculum, but if Bellamy truly wished for me to be honest about the reason for my survival, I knew that these choices were the key. I glanced over at him, prompting him to call the class to attention and cleared my throat nervously.

I found myself glossing over the lessons of my fathers in my memory that had shaped me into the survivor that I had become, combined with the self defence books that he’d left behind that I’d studied for exercise. 

“Alright. Welcome to fighting like a scrappy lunatic 101.” I opened in a light hearted manner, earning several chuckles from the audience and a sly smile from Bellamy as he remained beside me protectively. “Some of you may not realise yet that I have zero formal training, and no ‘official’ techniques that I can teach you, but you asked for me so here I am. Mostly, I think I’ve been selected because I’m small, but somehow still alive and you are all trying to figure out how. Honestly, it’s a mystery to me too! But we’re gonna work through it together.” I announced in a jesting tone and was glad to notice that the group seemed to be relaxing into my approach to teaching. They glanced between each other with excited smiles and their positive reactions allowed some of my nerves to dissipate.

“Let’s start with what I can offer. You’ve all been trained to be guards. You’re mainly planning to be there as a deterrent inside of camp. You have guns which you expect to be able to use and so you’ve learned to fight in a certain, morally acceptable way. That’s fine and absolutely useful knowledge to have. In fact, 90% of the time that will be enough for your roles. But as those of you who have been on the ground for long enough know, there’s always that 10% of the time where Earth bites you on the ass and you have to do whatever it takes to survive. I’m here to teach you for that 10%.” I revealed as I wandered from side to side in front of my gathered audience and managed to pick out the faces of Harper, Monroe and Raven in the crowd, who all smiled widely at me with a pride that made my stomach flip. 

“I’m gonna be honest with you guys: if you’re ever in a situation where you have to use these things, you’re in trouble. The person you’re fighting against isn’t going to care that you are a young woman, smaller than them, potentially unarmed or maybe even captive. They will do anything necessary to survive and you need to be willing to do the same. If you’re not comfortable with that, there’s the door. You can leave now.” I explained in a firm, cold manner and allowed several minutes of tense silence to pass for my potential trainees to make their decision. When the group remained unchanged, I peeked over at Bellamy with a thankful smile and felt a hint of confidence bloom in my chest. It was strange to acknowledge that there were more people in camp than just Bellamy who believed in me and I became determined to be worthy of their faith. 

“Alright, let’s start with something simple. I want you all to look at us. Really assess the two of us. If we were in a life or death fight, it should be obvious that Bellamy has a powerful advantage over me. These are the kind of odds that I want you to stand a chance at overcoming.” I stated as I faced Bellamy and he chuckled at me, whilst a few of the audience scoffed in disbelief. Their doubt was unsurprising, as I understood how impossible that would seem but since I had landed on the ground, I’d proven repeatedly to be able to overcome odds that I would never have imagined. I glanced over their nervous faces with a resolute smile and decided in that moment that I would imbue some of the lessons I absorbed from my late fathers books.

“If you’re faced against an opponent that you can’t overpower, never tell yourself that’s the end. Instead, you’re going to focus on using everything that you have available to you. You’re going to fight smart, rather than strong. They will have already decided that they can beat you just from looking at you. They’ll be overconfident and they’ll expect to win out of brute force. Use that to your advantage.” I explained to the enthralled crowd, as excited whispers began to spread between them and took a deep breath to prepare myself for the next step. “Alright big boy, let’s start with an example. Come at me.” I ordered as I strolled over to the crash mats and squared my shoulders. Bellamy raised his brows at me with uncertainty, his back turned to the crowd to address me.

“What?!” He hissed as his eyes widened in shock and I felt my stomach flip with dread at his reaction. “Indie, I thought we’d be slowly demonstrating techniques, not actually sparring?” He breathed quietly, careful to keep his voice gentle enough that he would not be overheard as he neared me and I sighed in disappointment. Despite my initial reservations, I had forced myself to believe him when he promised to do whatever I needed and I couldn’t help feeling somewhat frustrated in his lack of trust in my abilities.

“The technique relies on surprise. I can’t demonstrate that properly if I tell you what to do. Now come on, you said you’d do whatever I needed.” I argued with exasperation as I crossed my arms at him and he shifted awkwardly on the spot. He glanced back at the waiting trainees and then returned his attention to me with a conflicted expression. “Bel, either you can spar with me or I’ll have to ask Lincoln, and you know that he won’t be delicate.” I muttered in a low enough volume that only he would hear and he grimaced at this threat. We both knew from our separate experiences of training with Lincoln that he was highly proficient at simulating the power of a real fight within a safe environment and we had several times left these experiences with injuries from our own overexertion.

He finally nodded in bitter agreement and reluctantly strolled over to take a position opposite me. As we waited to start, I noticed that his brows were deeply furrowed and knew that he was crucially afraid of hurting me. I hoped that once he realised that I could hold my own he would relax and steeled myself to prove that I didn’t need protection. After a few moments of hesitation, he struck forward clumsily and I bounced lightly on my feet to manoeuvre out of his path. He almost sprawled onto one of the crash pads before he managed to save himself and I continued to flow quickly out of reach of his half hearted attacks. I kicked forward with enough power to knock him without actually causing any injury and his eyes widened in surprise as the impact pushed him aside. He stepped backwards to gain some space to recover and in quick succession, I trod on his foot and then struck rapidly at his throat. He gasped and lunged forward in an attempt to grab me, but I bounced out of his reach easily again. This time he was unable to recover from the momentum of his attack and crashed into the ground in a rather ungraceful movement. I turned back to my audience, who were watching with a mixture of disbelief and admiration with a smug smile.

“Alright, let’s break down the important information from that: the bigger your opponent is, the slower they will move. In order to counter that, you should always remain light on your feet and move constantly. You can tire them out this way, whilst also remaining outside of their reach. If they are taller than you, they’ll have longer arms which means they can usually land a hit on you before you can even get close to them. Stay at a distance until you are ready to strike and as I just demonstrated, allow them to use their own momentum against them. When you do move from defensive to offensive, make good use of your legs as they are longer so you’ll have a better chance at reaching past their guard without whilst still maintaining some space for yourself. In order to maximise the power you can put into those strikes, you need to practice your kicks and strengthen those leg muscles. Find your usual sparring partner and see how those moves change your fights.” I summarised and they eagerly spread out to begin practicing these new techniques together. I wandered over to Bellamy to assist him to his feet and he viewed me with a fresh amusement.

“Well, now all of these fights make sense! You’re a sly little fox.” He commented as he pushed me playfully and I giggled at his reaction. My chest swelled with relief as I noticed that he seemed to have relaxed as I had hoped and I was proud that I’d managed to hold my own against him. Despite the fact that I knew Bellamy would never intentionally hurt me, I had to admit that he was still a formidable opponent due to both the size/strength difference and his experience as a guard.

“You didn’t really think that I was going swing for swing with all these big guys, did you?” I teased with a wink and he shook his head at me with an awestruck smile. For the first time, I considered what he had imagined to be the events of my previous fights and his disbelief finally seemed to make sense to me. “You only know a few of my tricks, don’t get too confident. I’m still gonna kick your ass.” I taunted as I crossed my arms at him confidently and a subtle snort escaped as he burst into chuckles at my small stature.

“Alright Xena, I won’t be so easy on you now.” He remarked with a smirk and I felt my stomach fizz with appreciation at the fond nickname. 

Once I’d wandered the room to observe their practice and corrected any developing mistakes, I returned to standing at the front of the space. As one of the recruits attempted to use a tackle that they had been taught in a previous session, my memory was jogged back to the self defence books that I’d studied in my cell when I became paranoid about our new classes. It seemed like a lifetime ago, sitting in the dark cell on the Ark and obsessively attempting to prepare for some unknown threat so that I could protect Octavia. I ran through the limited information that I remembered and considered which of it would be most beneficial to fill the gaps in their learning. I gathered up the group and Bellamy patiently ran through moves slowly as I explained them. Once we’d finished, I addressed them in preparation for another round of sparring. 

“So, you want to take advantage of areas of weakness. Those are the nose, eyes, throat, kneecaps, feet and, on men especially, the groin. Never underestimate the power of a good kick to the balls!” I instructed, to which Bellamy flinched nervously and several trainees laughed. “Don’t forget to use other parts of your body than just your fists. The heel of your hand can give a nasty strike, especially if you’re hitting upwards. Also, your elbows, your feet or your knees if you’re kicking. Don’t be afraid to get creative.” I listed as the trainees nodded in response and I could already recognise the confidence that developed in their posture. 

“What I want to demonstrate is how when it gets desperate, you need to get creative. Brute strength isn’t everything, use your mind to outwit them.” I announced to prepare them for the kind of scenario that I was aiming to simulate, before turning back to Bellamy with a nod. “Alright. This time, I want you to pin me down.” I ordered nervously, expecting for him to argue but instead he threw me a suggestive look that broke some of the tension of my dread. 

He swiftly tackled me to the floor and despite being prepared for it, the power that he was able to command still surprised me. I wiggled manically under his heavy hold and when I was unable to easily free myself, I resorted to forcing my knee into his side. He flinched, releasing one of my hands, which I used to jab into his armpit and loosen his grip on the hand that was still trapped. Whilst he was distracted, I barged my shoulders forward into his to shove him off me and crawled onto my hands and knees in an attempt to escape from him. Bellamy rushed after me and pulled me into a hold that although tight enough to be uncomfortable, would not actually choke me. I recognised this brace from the students and knew that it was crucial to teach them how to escape it. I made a few gripes for his face or neck, but was unable to reach him from the position that he’d contained me. 

Mentally, I imagined that this was someone who truly meant to kill me in order to force my mum instincts to take over and without thinking, I bit into his hand, earning a dramatic yowl. The moment that he released some of pressure in shock, I burst my way out of his restraint and pinned him to the ground with my hands lightly on his neck. We were interrupted by a round of applause and some cheers, which broke us apart. We helped each other to our feet and brushed ourselves off as the noise faded out.

“Did you just bite me?” Bellamy breathed in a mixture of shock and admiration as his mouth fell open. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was this not the right place for me to do that?” I asked suggestively and caught several giggles from nearby girls. A subtle smirk spread across his face, despite his attempt to bury it and I thoroughly enjoyed the way that his eyes studied me with a fresh excitement. Reluctantly, I tore my attention away from him and returned to facing our audience. 

“The unfortunate truth is that when it comes to life and death, there are no limits. You need to be willing to do things that you never imagined you could do to another human being. Don’t be afraid to bite, scratch, pinch, spit or even pull hair if you want to. These things may not be high impact attacks, but they’ll come in handy when you’ve got no other options and will usually shock your opponent enough to give you a chance to escape or strike properly. Once you’ve managed to catch them off guard, make the most of every moment that you earn with surprise. Now, we’re going to run through some simple tackles and holds that you can use to manipulate their strength and momentum, so you’re not dependent on your own muscles.”

***

The rest of the session passed quickly and the students left in high spirits. It was shocking to me how well the lesson had been received and I found myself pleased that I’d agreed to the unusual request. I sourced an ice pack for Bellamy and he took it from me with a disapproving smile. Although relieved that I hadn’t seriously injured him, there was something amusing about witnessing him struggling in the aftermath of fighting me and I recognised from his expression that this was a highly unexpected result for him. Movement to my side drew my focus and I turned to find an unfamiliar face studying me with an entertained admiration.

“So, you’re the infamous Indigo that I keep hearing about! You’re exactly as described, that’s a rarity.” She crooned with a wide smile and I stared back at her in uncertainty. “Oh, I’m Gina. Raven, Harper and Monty have been telling me all about you.” She explained as she held her hand out and I shook it awkwardly. “Well, I’ve managed to get a little info from this one too whenever I can get him off the topic of guard duty. You’re pretty much the only other thing he’ll talk about.” She added with a playful wink and I glanced over at Bellamy fondly. He cleared his throat and tried to avoid meeting my eyes in embarrassment.

“Yeah, he’s definitely a bit of a workaholic.” I agreed as I looked poignantly down at Bellamy who simply rolled his eyes in response. “It’s nice to meet you. I heard you’ve been getting to know some of the others. It’s comforting to know that someone’s keeping an eye on them whilst I’m gone.” I replied casually with my hands in my pockets and she smiled warmly in response. She had curly brown hair and large, honest eyes. I couldn’t place what caused it, but there was something trustworthy about her and I immediately understood how she’d been able to integrate with my little family so easily.

“Yeah, they’re all great people and it’s clear that they’ve been through a hard time. I didn’t come to Earth until the Ark, so I want to do anything I can to help now that we’re finally here.” She revealed with an earnest attitude and I was surprised by how immediately open she was. It was clear that she had a strong work ethic and I was impressed by her willingness to contribute. She glanced between Bellamy and I, seeming to suddenly realise that she was interrupting and shuffled awkwardly on the spot. “Anyway, I’ll let you be. You’ve had a busy day. Hit me up if you want to hang out, it would be nice to spend some time together.” She suggested with a friendly smile before wandering off and I glanced over at Bellamy with confusion.

“You get used to her. She’s a nice girl and she wants to help. We could do with more like that.” He commented, before getting to his feet with a groan and I chuckled under my breath at him. “Jeez Indie, when you said you were gonna kick my ass I didn’t think you actually meant it.” He breathed in a dramatic manner, causing me to snort in laughter.

***

After a comforting night snuggled up with Bellamy, I felt recharged enough to manage some check-ins on people and wandered into the courtyard. I was in the process of navigating to Jasper and Monty’s dorms when Councillor Kane blocked my path. 

“Indigo, I was hoping to catch you before you left camp. Could we talk?” He asked with an overly friendly smile fixed in place and I shuffled on the spot with uncertainty. Until this point, I’d really only seen him from afar and had made a significant effort to keep it that way. I was surprised to even find that he knew my name and realised that I couldn’t have remained as far under the radar as I believed I had.

“Umm, sure? What can I do for you Councillor?” I enquired with my brows furrowed together in confusion and he put a hand on my upper arm to lead me aside. Immediately, I was uncomfortable with the contact and shrugged him off with more aggression than intended.

“Let’s go somewhere more private.” He remarked as he led me inside and I felt nerves building in my chest as I followed behind him. Despite Bellamy’s frequent comments about his trustworthiness, I couldn’t help feeling as if I were in trouble and a voice at the back of my mind urged me to turn tail and run. As his boots echoed through the halls of the Ark, I was struck with a strange sense of deja vu from the day of my arrest, causing a wave of nausea to wash over me.

When we arrived at a small doorway, Kane stepped aside and gestured for me to enter first. I examined him suspiciously before I passed and the moment that I stepped inside I found Abby waiting with her usual serene smile. Her presence was immediately reassuring and I felt my shoulders drop their tension. We waited silently for Kane to join us, closing the door tightly behind him and then settling into a seat beside the familiar Chancellor in a carefree manner. Abby cleared her throat to draw my cautious gaze away from my detailed assessment of Kane as I tried to anticipate his intentions and as our eyes met, she smiled fondly.

“I’m sorry for the secrecy, Indigo. We wanted to be sure that this meeting was private and as unbiased as possible for you. As I’m sure you can imagine, we have a great deal to manage in setting up a sustainable community here. That’s what we’ve brought you here to discuss.” She addressed me with a calmness that demonstrated how well she had grown into her new role and I glanced between them with a baffled expression.

“With all due respect Chancellor, I’m not sure how that involves me?” I suggested with my best attempt at a well mannered tone and Abby’s smile grew into an amused grin. She peered over at Kane, who regarded me with a curious interest and seemed pleased to be given the opportunity to lead the conversation.

“We would like to establish a stronger alliance with the grounders. The ceasefire has been a blessing, but we need to negotiate trade and open communication with the Commander. For the time being, the most correspondence that we receive from her is permission to leave Arkadia for supplies or patrols.” He revealed with an evenness to his voice that almost made his suggestion sound reasonable, but I couldn’t contain a disbelieving scoff as I stared back at him. “That’s where you would be involved. I understand that you have been training with a grounder and integrating with their lifestyle. We’d like to utilise your experience to help us to plan our strategies and to approach the Commander. In order for us to properly receive your input, we would like you to join our council meetings.” Kane divulged and I felt my mouth fall open in shock. I gaped at the two of them for a few moments as if awaiting a punchline, but when neither of them spoke I found myself stuttering for words.

“W-what? Are you insane? I-you-what?!” I spat as I continued to gape at them and they simply calmly smiled back, only further fuelling my exasperation. “I know that negotiating the ceasefire was a hell of an achievement, but this is a completely different level of cohesion that you’re aiming for here. We’ve managed to earn the respect of one or two grounders for a couple of our people, but even they still view us as a whole as dangerous, clueless children compared to them. Our partnerships with Indra and Arlo were hard fought. We couldn’t do anything on a large enough scale to impress them all. It would never work. We would need individuals to be willing to change, to work with grounders, study with them, respect them and honestly I don’t think there are many people here with the grit to do that.” I stated in a frustrated rant as I reflected over my own initiation and the gruelling tasks that I’d undertaken since. There were very few people that I could imagine being willing to endure that kind of process and even fewer grounders that would offer the opportunity. I shook my head at the thought and Kane observed me with an unexpected understanding in his eyes.

“Indigo, I know that a lot changed whilst you were captive in Mount Weather. When you were taken, you and the rest of the 100 were at war with the grounders and you emerged to find that we allied to free you. It must be disorientating.” He commented and I rolled my eyes at him, feeling patronised. “Whilst you were there, the grounders came to Arkadia for a joint training session under the Commanders orders. It was chaotic, but it demonstrated to me that we could help one another and that the Commander was open to this possibility too. An alliance could be mutually beneficial. We just need your help to convince them of that.” He presented his case calmly, even in the face of my reactions as I began to pace in front of the two of them and only stopped to fix them both with a scrutinising look.

“Why me?” I asked in an accusing manner and they looked to each other awkwardly. “Octavia has been partnered with Indra for far longer. She has a close link to the Commander and she was here during this training session that you were so confident in. Surely she’s a better match? Or hell, Lincoln?! He’s been a grounder his entire life. Octavia and I pale in comparison and he has been an advocate for peace in the past. I can’t think why in the hell you would bring this to me?” I probed with annoyance growing in my voice as I listed points and Kane seemed to pass the responsibility of answering this question to Abby.

“We already asked Octavia. She was quite clear on her thoughts of who ‘her people’ were.” She answered quietly and a coy smile spread across my lips at this information. “And Lincoln still has a kill order on his head. Although he would be, and had been, useful for advice, he would not be able to participate in any meetings with the grounders.” She clarified as if this were an obvious disadvantage and I scoffed loudly at the incredulous implication.

“Meetings with the grounders? You want to send me out to discuss an alliance with people?!” I exclaimed, hardly able to believe what I was hearing and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Kane seemed to be highly amused by my behaviour, rather than frustrated as I would have expected. “Have you completely lost your mind, Abby?” I argued, whilst she squirmed awkwardly in her seat under the intensity of my gaze.

“Take some time to consider it, Indigo. You don’t need to make a decision right now. Our next meeting is tomorrow.” Kane interrupted and I turned to face him with a stern scowl. “I remember your case and imprisonment. It was a tough one to follow the law on. You had a hard life on the Ark. You could be more here, just give yourself the opportunity.” He appealed in a manner that was likely intended to be understanding and I felt a passionate rage boiling to the surface as my hands tightened into fists at my sides.

“You don’t know shit!” I snapped, before quickly reminding myself that I couldn’t allow my anger to control me any longer. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself, then fixed Kane with a glare that would destroy a lesser man with it’s pressure alone. “I don’t need time to consider it. The answer is no. You can find someone else to be your scapegoat with the grounders.” I growled as I sharply turned on my heel and swept from the room.

[mcheang]

Split personality

What if Feng Jiu recovered Aranya’s memories once she died?

Well, it would be further proof for her that she and Dijun aren’t meant to be. Also, that his majesty’s shadow was a horrible person.

When Feng Jiu falls into Fanyin Valley, it just brings back bad memories. She is curious about the winter caused by Chen Ye though.

When she learns of the fruit, Feng Jiu casts a correction spell on the snakes to make them believe she is Aranya. She also casts the 2 lives incantation to adopt Aranya’s calm, mature, and not-scared-of-snakes demeanour.

Feng Jiu gets past the snakes safely but halts upon realising that Chen Ye had laid a magical trap. Let’s just say this area is very sensitive to Aranya and the dream Chen Ye created....

She says with Aranya’s personality that he is a bit too much. Aranya had already died, why couldn’t he let her die in peace and be forgotten?

Feng Jiu resigns herself that the fruit has to be won fair and square, or at least stolen from the queen asap.

When the tea lesson comes, Feng Jiu is still under the curse as she thought it might be useful in dealing with Dijun since Aranya was even better than she is at cutting off someone from her life, or at least is more sophisticated and aloof. Not to mention Aranya learned from the tea expert Mo Shao.

Feng Jiu does pay attention in class but is so apathetic that she doesn’t even care about Jiheng’s jealousy and answers Dong Hua’s question correctly.

Dong Hua is annoyed that Feng Jiu is not being her real self and calls for a break so he can undo the curse in private, under the excuse of reprimanding her for her arrogant behavior.

Dong Hua asks Feng Jiu about Aranya. Seeing as she is caught, Feng Jiu admits that Aranya was her shadow and it was his own shadow that caused this winter. She had sent her shadow to repay her debt. Technically....Aranya did save Chen Ye from the tiger.

Dong Hua is surprised but Feng Jiu counters she doesn’t care if he believes her or not.

Feng Jiu hits upon an inspiration. She can’t escape Chen Ye’s trap but Xiao Yan can, when the snakes leave the area.

We all know what happens next.

Feng Jiu wins the competition but her prize has been switched.

Feng Jiu doesn’t know why she should be surprised. It’s happened before. No matter how well they seem to get along, Dong Hua (or Chen Ye) would betray her.

Desperate, Feng Jiu decides to see if an arrow can capture the fruit for her.

Yeah, she ends up trapped in Aranya’s dream.

When Feng Jiu wakes up in Aranya’s body, her own memories are vague compared to Aranya’s vivid ones. But she is still herself and instinctively afraid of snakes.

Scared, she decides to use the 2 lives incantation to blend in.

Feng Jiu recognizes the physical change in Chen Ye and confronts him as the originator of this dream. Chen Ye is stunned. Feng Jiu blames him for not leaving Aranya in peace. How dare he claim to love her, she saw those letters for herself. Chen Ye had betrayed Aranya.

Chen Ye pleads his defence. His broken state makes Feng Jiu pause to tell him that Aranya will never return. Right now, she is still weak.

Once she realizes Moye and Xize are not supposed to be there, she confronts them, making them aware that she is truly Feng Jiu. Dong Hua pretends to be Xize, having gone a personality change after Aranya died. It sucks that Xize is firmly friend-zoned though.

Feng Jiu explains how Aranya died to Su Moye. She also explains that Chen Ye is Dijun’s shadow. She knows this because she sent her own shadow down to serve Chen Ye and repay her debt. Obviously that failed, so she repaid her debt in the mortal world.

Xize asks what relationship Feng Jiu has with Dong Hua. Feng Jiu replies that there is nothing. She wants to focus on the subject but Xize asks again if she hates him.

Feng Jiu pauses. “I don’t hate Dijun. I just feel tired whenever I think of him.” And sad.... the men can see this.

The point is, Chen Ye can destroy this dream, but Feng Jiu is worried Chen Ye is emotionally unstable to handle the truth that Aranya will never return.

She certainly isn’t going to be the substitute.

Xize is insistent that they tell Chen Ye.

Feng Jiu is surprised he is so confident.

Xize: either he accepts the truth or he dies.

Predictably, Chen Ye can’t handle the truth and commits suicide.

Feng Jiu mourns Chen Ye. He may have made Aranya suffer a lot, but he wanted to make things right.

Once Feng Jiu recovers her body, she realizes Xize is really Dong Hua. Having realized Chen Ye did truly love Aranya, even if his way of showing it was truly horrible, Feng Jiu decides to allow Dong Hua a chance to explain his Saha fruit theft. She compares Jiheng to Qinghua, someone who delivers misleading information.

Dong Hua explains that he was jealous that Feng Jiu might use the fruit to make pastries for Xiao Yan. That’s why he decided not to give it to her. Later Jiheng came asking for the fruit to heal her own poison. Dong Hua didn’t need the fruit so he gave it to her.

Dong Hua promises Feng Jiu that he ordered the fruit be given to her because now he knows she wanted to use it to save her friend’s life.

Feng Jiu decides to let bygones be bygones. However, she still isn’t romantically involved with Dong Hua. There wasn’t a chance to be romantic while he was masquerading as Xize.

So now, Dong Hua asks Feng Jiu if he can court her. Feng Jiu is leery of this. She has been hurt so many times before.

Remembering her condition to convince her he loved her, Dong Hua does carve his heart out.

Feng Jiu has no choice but to accept this gift. (How do you reject a ring someone carved out of his own heart?) she allows Dong Hua to court her.

Since Jiheng would be a nuisance, Dong Hua decides to take them out of Fanyin Valley.

Oh yeah, since Feng Jiu never did partake in the execution (their time in the Dream was much shorter), Miao Luo didn’t realize she was there and didn’t recover her missing energy.

And the rest happens as in the book.

Worried that the Bai clan would protest the marriage, Dong Hua wedded Feng Jiu secretly before her Bing Cang ceremony.