#A leap of faith

[thefollow-spot]

A Leap of Faith by Misery_C_Epicaricacy & Ynnéalay

Merlin confesses his magic, upending the trust between him and Arthur; when he goes missing from Camelot, a conflicted Arthur must reckon with his fears and prejudices as Merlin’s life is put at stake.

Fandom: Merlin (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Category: Gen Relationship: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Minor Gwaine & Arthur Pendragon, Minor Gwaine & Merlin Words: 40,475

Fanbinding of A Leap of Faith. Process, commentary, and additional pictures under the cut ♥

First of all, thank you to all the lovely folks from the @renegadepublishing discord for enthusiastically encouraging me to fanbind my own work, though this is not entirely just-mine. This fic was co-written with the awe-inspiring @whoawhataconcept (Misery_C_Epicaricacy on AO3) and this binding is as much a love letter to her writing, her mind, and our creative collaboration as it is to my own contributions.

On: Textblock & Typesetting

I've bound a couple fics at this point, but was saving Garamond for this one because I fell in love with how these particular words look set in Garamond. The headings are done in a simplistic all-caps Calibri with expanded spacing to pay homage to how many hours editing this damn thing were spent looking at the font in question. I've also used font 'Merlin' for the front title page—which I got linked out of the @merlinbingo discord server—and Felix Titling for the interior title page.

The body is printed on EarthChoice colour cream paper, and stitched with red crochet thread.

On: Endpapers

The endpapers were a tricky one for me! They are prints of my own fanart which was not the correct aspect ratio to use as endpapers for a book printed on letter paper. This was also the first large map I created, and if I could go back, there are things I would do differently. But in the end, I decided to use it as-is because I'm proud of it. To fix the sizing issue, I up-sized the map so the width was correct for a letter-sized print, which left a border on the top and bottom of the image—this I filled in with black and red checkerboard pattern to match the banners and standards of Camelot.

Originally, I wanted it printed on this textured, pearl-finish linen paper, but then the print shop I use didn't have it in a large enough size to do endpapers on and I was heartbroken. I ended up using topkote gloss paper by Oji.

On: Endbands

Hand-sewn in red and gold crochet thread. I redid these like three times to find a core I liked, and ended up doing them over tightly rolled paper.

The Dust Jacket

I'm not a graphic designer, so the jacket design is simplistic. It includes a cover, back cover (with a 'praise for' section), and two inside flaps (which contain the fic summary and author bios). I took some cues from this dust jacket post. It's printed on a thicker weight of topkote paper by Oji, this time with a dull finish.

Closing Thoughts

I'm so proud of how this turned out! It's my best work yet in terms of straight-ness of the spine/cover paper, and I learned a lot about printing. Lots of firsts for me here, and I feel that every time I make a book, I improve. I've gifted this copy to my co-author, Misery. Seeing her flip through it, and seeing it on our shelf, is giving me a lot of joy today!

[i-swear-to-merlin]

have you read "a leap of faith" on A03? Because you HAVE to.

best magic reveal EVER 100% in character and so well written i just couldnt put it down! It couldve been canon just...just read it ok? Click on the 40k story you didnt know you needed and pray they drop part 2 soon

[luvjunie]

I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF OMGGG look at my Milesss! 🥹

went off a pinterest reference but still 😙

[galladrabbles]

Hello!

It's my turn again (yeaaaaaah, so happy) and this time I give you "A leap of faith" ... can't wait to read your drabbles! It's gonna be a great week. ;)

Hugs

Hey Mina,

thank you so much for your prompt. I hope you're in "the good(est) place" possible ;) The wait has been long but we're happy to have you as our prompter again!

So, dear Galladrable Crew...let's all take "A LEAP OF FAITH" together this week!

Happy Drabbling Everyone!

[illogicalvulcans]

[Fic Book Covers 10/?] A Leap of Faith by Misery_C_Epicaricacy and Ynnealay

Merlin confesses his magic, upending the trust between him and Arthur; when he goes missing from Camelot, a conflicted Arthur must reckon with his fears and prejudices as Merlin’s life is put at stake. “You were never going to renounce magic, really, were you?” “I was going to try,” Merlin said. “Were you? Or are you lying again?”

Image via Dale McCready

[sketchy--doodles]

the 2nd week prompt of @theworldofprompts's art challenge: theworldofprompts.tumblr.com

The prompt was "a leap of faith" and I immediately went to Fawna and her journey of confidence and bravery. It was a leap of faith for Fawna to go up against the wolves. Here she is going up against Tilde. I used screenshots from "The Fox and the Hound" for background references. Also, I wish there were more wolf drawing poses out there lol

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And again, Adaine, the hard facts and arcana "I don't have to believe in gods if I know they factually exist" wizard, being the one to tell Ankarna she actually has six followers already in the Bad Kids is so touching.

[thefollow-spot]

A Leap of Faith

|| Merlin & Arthur ● T+ ● WC: 40K ● Warning: Violence ||

Summary: Merlin confesses his magic, upending the trust between him and Arthur; when he goes missing from Camelot, a conflicted Arthur must reckon with his fears and prejudices as Merlin’s life is put at stake.

---

What now, destiny? What now?

Merlin was finishing up in Arthur’s chambers for the night. It was a quiet evening‍—‍there was no talking, just the soft patter of Merlin’s feet walking from task to task, and the soft shh, shh of his cloth against the wood of Arthur’s table. It was one of the nights when Merlin was invisible to Arthur, and that was comfortable.

A clear evening, but Merlin felt like he was watching storm clouds roll in from way afar. After years of settling, years of watching the seeds of Arthur’s kingship begin to blossom, Mordred had reappeared.

Now, Mordred had been knighted, and every day he wove his way into the fabric of Camelot.

Now, Merlin knew what Morgana sought‍—‍Arthur’s bane‍—‍and what was he supposed to do when it wasn’t Mordred, wasn’t Morgana, wasn’t Sefa or some other traitor, but Arthur himself?

What now, destiny? he’d been wondering bitterly.

There was a pile of parchment sheets on Arthur’s desk that he was supposed to be getting through, sitting there with his quill lying beside, both untouched.

Instead, Arthur, in casual dress, had turned his chair toward the window, leaning his chin in his hand, watching the last rays of sun go down on Camelot. The sky was a royal blue and steadily getting darker, swallowing the clear day with a crisp wind that had stung Merlin’s cheeks pink, earlier.

Merlin glanced at him through the stone arches.

There was so much Arthur didn’t know, so many dangers. It was almost laughable how unprepared he was, despite his years of diplomacy, despite being brought up only to rule. Even if Merlin told him, it would be, you and your funny feelings Merlin, and, what is this really about? and always nothing would come of it, and always Merlin would be alone.

Perhaps that was why he was thinking about it again.

He was thinking, again, about: Arthur, I’m a sorcerer. For some reason, the thought always seemed to come to him‍—‍drifting in like a breeze through an open chamber window‍—‍while he was wiping the table in Arthur’s rooms, at the end of the day. After Ismere, the imagining had become more persistent, less fantasy, more realistic.

Real enough to get his heart thudding in his chest.

Perhaps it was just sense-memory by this point, the rough cloth pressed between his fingers, a mindless motion of wiping the cloth in circles. The breeze coming in, cool and refreshing like first breath after suffocation. Perhaps it was the way he was so comfortably invisible to Arthur right now: this was the last task before, will there be anything else, and then his duck out the door.

Merlin imagined the words coming out of his mouth:

Arthur, I’m a sorcerer, before fleeing from the room without having to stop and observe the consequences, remaining invisible all the while.

And Merlin was thinking‍—‍so hard‍—‍about the words he’d imagined time and time again‍—‍

Arthur, I’m a sorcerer

‍—‍that when he finished wiping the table, he stood upright and crossed through the arches, and by some sort of slip or split-second stride off the coming cliff,

“Arthur, I’m a sorcerer.”

He was surprised to hear it in his own voice.

The high ceilings of Arthur’s chambers tossed it around the room, echoing, and it somehow didn’t sound at all the way Merlin had heard it in his head.

Arthur looked over his shoulder, like Merlin had only just become visible to him again, blinking at the statement, the sudden change of script.

“What?” he said.

And Merlin realized, suddenly, this wasn’t some fantasy, some hypothetical, this wasn’t, Arthur I’m a sorcerer in the confines of his head, but Arthur I’m a sorcerer out loud, in Arthur’s chambers, six paces from Arthur’s desk, and Arthur‍—‍the King of Camelot‍—‍looking at him like that.

He had said that aloud, and all the muscles in his body tensed.

“I’m…”

Arthur swivelled his chair around, for proper facing. In that moment Merlin had a choice: he could play it off as a joke, or he could decide that, yes, this was the moment.

Was this the moment?

Maybe this wasn’t wise, but the idea of turning back made his stomach twist nauseously. His heart thudded, rattling his ribcage, and then Merlin drew himself up and repeated, more deliberately,

“I’m a sorcerer. I thought you should know.”

Silence, for another moment.

Arthur’s eyes searching his face, Merlin searching his. Seeing him, seeing each other, shoved viciously back into visibility. Then Arthur raised an amused eyebrow and Merlin thought deliriously, he already knows, he’s known all along‍—‍

“Very funny, Merlin,” Arthur scoffed.

His heart thudding faster, racing like a drum roll against his breast bone‍—‍

“I’m not joking.”

That amused eyebrow lowered. “Stop talking nonsense.”

And maybe this was a new script for Arthur, but Merlin had imagined it so many times, and it wasn’t a new script for him. The rest of the words came to him in a rush, the words he’d imagined saying to Arthur, imagined changing the fabric of Camelot with‍—‍

“I was born with magic,” Merlin said, “and‍—‍” his voice almost caught, but he steadied himself before it did, “‍—‍and I’ve been keeping it a secret. All this time. Because of the law. This isn’t a joke, Arthur.”

That was so visible he felt bare, but Arthur just scoffed again.

“Who put you up to this?” he asked. “What is this? A bet?”

He stood, went around the desk, and made to approach Merlin‍—‍evoking the image of a father approaching his young, foolish son‍—‍but Merlin raised his hand, and Arthur halted. Those six paces went down to four.

“Merlin.”

Merlin didn’t want them to be within striking distance of each other, not yet.

“I’ll prove it to you,” he said. Arthur crossed his arms, and waited.

Alright… Merlin cast around for something small he could do, some proof of his magic, yet proof that he wasn’t a threat, and certainly no threat to Arthur. And then he saw it‍—‍the candles set on the wall, flickering with the movement in the room, glowing brighter as the evening drew close.

He raised his other hand toward the candle, and for one sickening moment he failed to grasp his magic, like cupping water in a trembling hand.

And then, he forced himself steady, and said the incantation.

“Dwimor dracan.”

Warmth passed through his eyes, and the candle flame danced, forming the illusion of a dragon’s head, its mouth open in a roar. It was brief, and the flame quickly settled, but it had happened, as clear as if the dragon had been in front of them.

Merlin looked at Arthur, to be sure he’d seen it.

Arthur stared at the space where the dragon’s head had been. Perhaps it was only seconds, but those seconds moved like tree sap. Merlin saw every movement in Arthur’s face the same way he saw every tension of muscle in a tourney match‍—‍the widening of his eyes, the knitting together of his eyebrows, the shocked downturn of his mouth. And then, excruciatingly slowly, Arthur turned his gaze back to Merlin. For the first time in a long time, Merlin couldn’t tell what Arthur was thinking. It was eyes meeting eyes, both frozen, both, for once, seeing.

At last, Arthur opened his mouth to speak‍—‍

“Who are you?”

His eyes moved from Merlin’s, darting around the room quickly. Locating his sword, Merlin realized, which was lying across the top of Arthur’s desk.

Arthur spotted it at the same time Merlin did, and lunged back to his desk for it. In a second, Merlin decided against moving it out of his reach. The hilt fit into Arthur’s expert hand.

“Just me,” Merlin said, getting panicked.

“Who are you?” Arthur repeated more forcefully, sword at the ready, but not making a move toward him, yet. Merlin backed up anyway.

“Just who I’ve always been‍—‍”

“Answer me, sorcerer.”

“Please, Arthur‍—‍”

Arthur strode forwards, backing Merlin towards the arches he’d just marched through, and he registered the question. Arthur didn’t even believe he was Merlin?

“It’s me.” His mouth scrambled for something to say, for some proof‍—‍he’d never prepared proof... “I’m your servant, Merlin. I, I‍—‍I’m your servant, I led you to the stone you pulled Excalibur out of, I‍—‍I waited all night for you the night you grieved your father.”

He knew immediately he shouldn’t have brought that up, when Arthur’s face shifted from angry to stricken. Time slowed down again, and Merlin watched every muscle move, watched the slow deepening of his frown lines. And then, just as slowly, Arthur raised his sword, coiling to lunge at him, and Merlin instinctively raised his own hand in defence. Arthur paused, and Merlin saw the flash of fear on his face‍—‍felt it like a blow to his chest. Then, time went back to normal, as Arthur lowered his sword.

“It’s me,” Merlin was saying, stumbling towards Arthur’s table. “It’s‍—‍it’s just‍—‍”

“What is your business here?” Arthur’s voice low, a growl.

Merlin tried to calculate the right answer to that, but couldn’t find it in time. His heel hit the leg of a dining chair, and he put it in the ten paces between them.

“Just‍—‍just Camelot, just...”

Arthur’s expression darkened.

“The truth.”

“That is the truth!”

“You expect me to believe that?” Arthur said, stalking towards him.

“I‍—‍Arthur‍—‍”

“You have‍—‍have worked your way into the heart of Camelot‍—‍”

“I only want to serve you‍—‍”

“‍—‍gained my trust, all while having magic‍—‍”

“‍—‍all I’ve ever said, I never lied to you‍—‍”

“You being here is a lie!”

A pit of ice dropped into Merlin’s stomach.

“No‍—‍no, that’s not true,” he said.

“Isn’t it?”

There was still space between them, but Merlin could see it closing, and he backed up. The hearth wall pressed against his back. Arthur scraped the chair out of his path, and took another step with his sword.

“Answer me this,” Merlin rushed out, panicked, “have I ever tried to harm you? In all the years you’ve known me.”

“You have magic,” Arthur hissed. Merlin could see his mind working, struggling desperately, his eyes flickering from place to place. “You‍—‍you‍—‍” and something clicked in Arthur’s head:

“You’ve been in league with Morgana!”

“No,” Merlin said. “That’s‍—‍no.”

“She’s had you planted for years. Like Agravaine, and Sefa!”

“If I were in league with Morgana, why would I be telling you any of this!?” Merlin shot back. “Come on, Arthur, you can’t think I’m that stupid.”

Arthur looked as though Merlin had thrown a gauntlet at his feet.

“I’m not stupid either!” he exclaimed. “You expect me to believe you’re here innocently, after years of hiding? I should arrest you!”

“Well, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t.” Why did he say that? Why couldn’t he help it? He prepared to duck aside, or defend himself, but Arthur didn’t seem to be making a move. Three paces away, still.

“Is this funny to you?” Arthur demanded. For some reason, he pointed with his finger instead of his sword. “Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you right now!”

Merlin’s features quickly arranged into something more serious, and a few responses flickered through his head: because you couldn’t if you tried, because I’m your friend, because I haven’t done anything wrong and magic shouldn’t be a crime. And he thought, if Arthur really wanted to, why wasn’t he calling the guards?

“I have the right to a fair trial,” he managed to say.

Arthur’s face slackened with a look that was almost incredulity.

“I just witnessed you perform magic with my own eyes!”

“Because I admitted it willingly. Tell me that’s grounds for execution. Here, and now, without a hearing.”

If Arthur could say that he did, then Merlin didn’t know him at all. He had this over his father: Arthur could be reasoned with… Merlin hoped he could be reasoned with. Reasoned out of, tell me why I shouldn’t kill you right now.

And something changed, because Arthur was strangely still. His weight shifted, nearly imperceptibly…

“Guards!” he yelled.

Merlin flinched, and Arthur raised his sword to him, warning him against running away.

Two guards ran into the room, and then stopped by the open door, confused at the scene before them, hands on the hilts of their swords but nothing drawn. It was as though they, too, were only seeing Merlin for the first time. Merlin eyed the guards, and then looked at Arthur, somehow‍—‍still‍—‍shocked.

The thought floated through his head: he’s going to sentence me to death.

“Arrest him,” Arthur said, stretching his sword toward Merlin, “on the charge of sorcery.”

For a split second, both of the guards looked like they were going to protest. They blinked at Arthur like he’d asked them to do something insane. But that second passed, and then they were stalking toward Merlin.

Should I struggle?

Merlin had to make the choice, and he decided not to, as if somehow that placid going would convince Arthur he had it wrong. He let them grab him, each taking an arm, clasping their hands around him tight enough to bruise.

“Whatever you think, I’m still loyal to you, Arthur,” he said, as the guards began to walk him past the chair askew, meeting no resistance. “I’m still your friend.”

“I will never be friends with a sorcerer,” Arthur spat.

Something in Merlin’s chest lurched, and wouldn’t right itself. He still felt off-balance when the guards dragged him out of Arthur’s chambers, and the big wooden door echoed as it slammed closed behind him. His heart was hammering. What now? The question was presenting itself to him over and over, louder and louder, as they dragged him farther from Arthur.

What now, destiny? What now?

---

[Read A Leap of Faith on AO3]

Co-written with @whoawhataconcept

[faeplumi]

I feel oddly calm from moving away? maybe this is meant to be??

[kadrii-art]

They live free in my head

Fanart for @erinwantstowrite from the itsy bitsy one shot idea

Sorry is the hype!!! xD

[quietsphere]

What's Up Danger?

[riverlarking]

Steve Martin in Leap of Faith (1992)

[thefollow-spot]

Oh my god oh my god oh my god ahhhhhhhhh!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!

@whoawhataconcept, this is our fic!!!

@i-swear-to-merlin, thank you SO MUCH for making this fanart of A Leap of Faith, like oh my GOD last night I was kicking my feet in giddy excitement like HOLY FUCK!!! THERE IS FANART!!!! OF OUR FIC???

ALSO A GLOWING RECOMMENDATION!?!?

Thank you thank you thank you so much I love the dragon in the candle flame it's GORGEOUS especially the delicate little lines of its wings and tail and where it connects to the flame on the wick. Also (not a visual artists, really, so apologies for having not-great eye for which artistic details to pick out and appreciate) great work on the details on Arthur; like, I love the shading on his ear and the texture of his hair!

AND OH MY GODDD—seeing a line I wrote in that gorgeous sans-serif title font??? I'm 😭😭😭!!! I love the sort of shadow-outline thing going on there with the two shades of gold!!! Also love the capital E as a stretched lowercase e, and the swoops on the Rs. It's beautiful 🥺

I can't believe you actually made art our of our words; I'm floored and flattered and just thank you so much 😭💛🥺

have you read "a leap of faith" on A03? Because you HAVE to.

best magic reveal EVER 100% in character and so well written i just couldnt put it down! It couldve been canon just...just read it ok? Click on the 40k story you didnt know you needed and pray they drop part 2 soon