#A GOOD LIFE. I AM ENVIOUS TO A GOOD LIFE. I AM ENVIOUS TO TRUST. I AM ENVIOUS TO JOY. I AM ENVIOUS TO LIFE.

[starredblood]

NOWHERE GIRL

PART FIFTEEN

kang sae-byeok x fem!reader

synopsis: for the last day of the semester, you have to become a bearer of bad news.

wc. 4.2k

warnings: none | authors note: this is a real slow burn omg TT i gotta put you guys through a lot of yearning it’ll be all the more sweeter okay

(nowhere girl masterlist)

Dopamine levels reached a new high for you and your classmates after successfully completing the spring semester. And Yoon invited you, Mi-Cha, and her ten other friends to her family owned cafe—but you desired to go home more. You didn’t feel the thrill of walking out the doors of your campus, simply because of how mentally taxing these past few months have been.

You can finally close this chapter of your life for good but for an unusual reason, you didn’t want to. At least not yet. There’s this feeling in your chest that tells you there is something left for you to do in order to end this part of your life. You just have to figure it out first.

The cafe is packed with college students, a symphony of sighs and reliving laughter is heard at every corner. Everyone began to slow down and enjoy the rest of the evening without the rush of going home to get ready for school in the morning.

“No one is taking the drink away from you.” Mi-Cha laughs, watching amusingly how quickly you’re chugging your iced latte.

“You know I only came here because of you right?” you frown. “I just want to go home and sleep twenty four hours straight.”

“Relax you’ll go home soon. Besides, we aren’t going to see each other as often—what if this is our last time?”

You press your lips into a thin line and observe the cafe again. Yoon was by the bar, roaring with laughter amongst her friends while her parents and employees were scrambling to make drinks.

“It’s not.” you reassure, shooting your friend a smile. “We will still work together all summer, right?”

“What about that scholarship? You’re definitely going to win.” she says and you roll your eyes. “You are! Didn’t you see our co-workers faces when you showed them your final product? I bet they were envious they aren’t as skilled as you—I know I am.”

“Come on, you’re the best graphic designer in your department.” you say with a sly smirk. She lightly nudges your shin playfully. “But I think my professor is emailing us sometime today with the winning result though. He’s quick with grading.”

“Your artistic skills combined with my graphic design skills—we could seriously do some creative damage.” Mi-Cha says, grinning and sipping her drink happily. “And if you do go to Italy you have to go to Florence they have the best art supplies there. Everything there is so high quality.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “Geez, now you’re getting my hopes up, Mi-Cha.”

Your eyes shift back to Yoon and your stomach churns. From someone whose life seems so perfect on the outside, it only makes sense for the universe to align Yoon to win the scholarship. It only seems right.

“Are you still planning on dorming by the way? It seems like you have your living situation all figured out.” she pipes up.

Your eyes cloud with uncertainty. “I don’t know. I guess I’m starting to get more comfortable living in my apartment but it might be more convenient for me to dorm.”

“Screw convenience—choose the one that’ll be the cheapest. Dorming will triple your tuition trust me.” she advises, snarling at the thought of her crippling student debt.

“Yeah…I don’t think I’ll want to have to work the rest of my life just to pay off all my debt. Especially now that my parents aren’t financially helping me—or helping in general.”

Mi-Cha’s eyes turn round while you take another long sip of your coffee, unaware of the pain in your friend’s eyes. It was bizarre to her how casual you mention your parent’s abandonment.

“Have they really cut you off?” she whispers and you meet each others forlorn gaze.

“They did.” you say flatly. And you feel nothing anymore at the mention of your parents. “But don’t feel bad for me. I’m doing better than I was when I was living with them.”

“Th—That’s good then…” she trails off. Trying to be selective with her words. “One day they’ll see your art work displayed permanently in Hangaram and regret ever abandoning you.”

“Yeah,” you snort. “that’ll be a nice fairytale ending.”

Grief is a great human mystery. Two weeks ago, you grieved over losing your parents as if they passed away when in reality they were only a twenty minute drive away. You were grateful school kept you busy because you were starting to think less and less of them as time went on. Selfishly, you hope that you fill their minds every waking moment of their lives.

“Guys, guys, guys!” Yoon gasps, staring at her phone screen bug-eyed. Her screeching killed the noise bouncing off the cafe walls, everyone watches her in anticipation for an announcement. You gulp, aware of what’s happening. “Oh my god—the winner is…Fuck why isn’t this email loading?”

“Watch your mouth child!” her mother hisses from behind the cafe bar.

You felt Mi-Cha reach for your sweaty palm and squeeze it as everyone held their breath waiting for her to announce the winner.

“Mom, dad we need a new internet provider!” she whines and gasps some more. Now, everyone is really getting riled up. “Oh my god it’s loaded—yes! Okay, so the winner is…let’s see…”

⊹ ✿・・───・・✦・・───・・✿

Maybe Sae-byeok’s life has gotten too dull. She used to live such a fast life full of danger—but now she has forgotten what it was like to have an adrenaline rush. But you’re a close second to having that feeling back again.

She hates how you burst into her life for a split second when peril is lurking and then disappear when things start to calm down. However, this time she understands why you haven’t reached out these past two weeks. School. Sae-byeok wonders what it would be like to be a stressed out college student.

Throughout this time, Sae-byeok had a lot of time to think. Her head was foggy trying to figure out why she felt so lonely without you around. She used to be so content with being isolated from the world, but after that night she didn’t feel the same anymore.

So, she can’t make up her mind. She doesn’t want you around because all you do is disappear but she wants you to be at arms reach.

Tonight is one of those nights where Sae-byeok couldn’t stop her mind from pondering. She wonders if you finished school already, and if so, if you’ll ever stop by to see her.

The Kang siblings are sitting in their bedroom floor, with Sae-byeok hugging her knees while Cheol is across from her doing his homework. Although most of the material Cheol is learning is foreign to her, she is a little bit more advanced when in comes to writing and grammar.

Cheol huffs in frustration not being able to solve one of the questions in his homework sheet. He scratches his head and thinks hard about the question. “Noona, I don’t know what this means.” he pouts.

When she doesn’t answer, he peers up at her and frowns when he notices how spaced out she seems to be. Just staring at the ground as if Cheol isn’t here struggling.

“Hey!” he snaps his fingers in his face, though they don’t make a snapping noise but it got her attention. Sae-byeok flinches back slightly and blinks down at him. “You’re doing it again.” he whines.

“Sorry, sorry.” she says, rolling her eyes slightly. “What is it?”

“Help me with this.” he points at the last question, however she is more concerned with the amount of dried of paint covering his hand. “What are you doing?”

She takes his small hands and groans. “Your hand is covered in paint, Cheol. I told you to be careful—it’s going to be a pain in the ass to remove it now.”

“Noona’s hands are always like this but you never scold her.” Cheol retorts, his lips jutting out even more.

His words made her think back to the time you tried holding her hand. She regrets letting it go but she just wanted to remember how it felt to be under your delicate embrace again.

“Because she studies to create art—you don’t.” she says, narrowing her eyes at the sulky boy. “I bet you didn’t properly put away the supplies either.”

Cheol’s eyes grew and tries masking his nervousness with a chuckle. “I—I did put it away nicely, Noona.”

“Oh, yeah? Let me check then.” she smirks and rises from the floor to open their small closet door. Of course, she was right. “Seriously!”

“I’ll clean it up I swear just help me finish my homework.” he groans.

“I’ll be there in a second I’ll clean it myself this time. But don’t do it again.” she warns with a sigh. Cheol mutters something underneath his breath and goes back to trying to solve the work on his own.

She bends down to collect the disarray of paint brushes littered around and stores them in the small plastic containers she bought specifically to put his art supplies in. After neatly storing most of the supplies back she reaches to collect the mounds of paper stacked besides the containers—one of them piquing her interest.

This couldn’t have been Cheol’s artwork, it was too intricate and detailed—so it had to be yours. She confirms this by looking at the bottom corner of the paper and sees your name signed. Her heart lurches. She bites back the urge to ask her brother how this was in his possession and instead examines it carefully.

It was a half finished sketch of a jellyfish painted with pink watercoloring and gold ink to trace its tentacles. She wonders what your thought process must’ve been to draw a random sea creature. She likes the fact that you’re spontaneous. Instinctively, a small smile forms on her lips when she remembers the fact that you painted her for an art project.

“Noona.” Cheol’s voice snaps her back to reality.

“I’m coming.” she quickly says and shoves your drawing in with Cheol’s own work.

“It’s not that. I finished the question myself.” he snips. “But someone is knocking on the door.”

Sae-byeok winces, guilt crept up to her for being too busy ogling your art while he was behind her struggling.

She walks out the door, past the living room where Ji-yeong is currently situated in, and peers over the peephole.

“Wait did someone knock?” she hears her roommate chirp behind her. “I swear I didn’t hear anything.”

Sae-byeok was half surprised and half concerned to see you pacing around the front entrance. When she opens the door, her stomach churns—she just knows that whatever you’re here for, it’s not to see her. Something must’ve happened for you to be knocking at their door.

Your pale face, wide eyes, and slight cut on your cheek tells her enough to know that she was right. Something did happen.

“What happened to your face?” she asks breathily.

Your face morphs into confusion. Reaching to touch all over your face you end up wiping some blood streaking down your chin.

“I fell but I guess I didn’t realize I—never mind that.” you shake your thoughts off and peer over her shoulders and see Ji-yeong eating a bag of chips while watching a television show. “I need to talk to you in private.”

Sae-byeok nibbles her bottom lip nervously and nods. “Alright, we’ll go outside.”

“No, no.” you say hurriedly, your eyes frantically peering inside the apartment. “Uh…Is Cheol in your room?”

This wasn’t normal. You seemed more anxious this time. Usually, you maintained a calm and levelheaded composure when confronted with a situation. But you can’t even stand still this time. Sae-byeok grows more worried at the fact that you didn’t even realize the cut on your chin.

“What’s going on?” she asks, shakily.

Before you could answer, Ji-yeong pops up behind Sae-byeok with a lazy smile. You both stiffen up by her sudden presence beckoning your conversation.

“Hey, Ji-yeong!” you say, facading your contorted face with a tight lipped grin. You place your hand on your bleeding chin to prevent her from noticing. “How are you doing?”

“Better than ever.” she says with a sigh, leaning against the doorframe. “But my boss has been on my ass for missing those two days of work when I went to jail. So, I’m currently looking to work somewhere else.”

Your eyebrows knit together and you shoot Sae-byeok a look. “Sorry to…hear that?”

“It’s whatever.” she shrugs. “Anyway, how’s school?”

“Oh, good I’m officially on summer break now.”

“Seriously? Wait—are you still working at that gallery? I really want to go one of these—“

“Ji-yeong, we have to talk in private.” Sae-byeok finally says through gritted teeth. She raises both her eyebrows to emphasize the importance of her words and Ji-yeong just keeps flickering her eyes back and forth to both of you.

“What? The two of you?” she says, a sly cheshire cat grin forms on her lips like she knows more than what she leads on. But she slowly starts backing away, but doesn’t peer away from the door. “Sure, I’ll leave you two alone…”

Sae-byeok waits until Ji-yeong enters her room to pull you inside the apartment. She leads you to the kitchen where she goes and hands you a wet paper towel for the blood. After that she nods, signaling for you to begin talking.

You stare straight into her dilated eyes and let out a huge shaky breath of air.

“I saw Jang Deok-su barge into my apartment with his gang members. One of them was Yen-ho.” you say, barely above whisper.

Unbeknownst to her, her mouth parts slightly. Yet she could feel the dramatic pause of her heart beat. “W—What? Did they see you?”

“No, but I’m pretty sure they think you live there. They kept yelling your name.”

“Fucking hell…”

Sae-byeok leans her back on the kitchen counter and runs her hands through her hair in exasperation. Things were going too smoothly in her life, of course it was only temporary.

“You know what this means right?” you say, your eyes flickering with concern. There was a moment your hands began to twitch when you thought about reaching over to touch her shoulders assuringly. Of course, you hold back the urge. “You can’t show your face at the bakery anymore.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay—“

“No, it’s not. What if they trashed your place?” she croaks out.

Sae-byeok is now fully facing you with her heavy gaze. You were getting worried she might breakdown when you saw her bottom lip quiver ever so slightly. The past coming back to haunt her was her biggest fear, you knew that. It was at this moment that you took a deep breath to collect yourself. You couldn’t be afraid now, not when Sae-byeok is silently crying for help.

“I’m not going back there so it’s not like I’ll ever know.” you mutter. “It’s too dangerous for me to show up at my place.”

“Didn’t I tell you this would happen?” she says aggravatingly. “That you could potentially be in danger—“

“You said that about a potential lover—not me, Sae-byeok.” you correct her with a deep frown. Sae-byeok’s freckled cheeks mystically transform pink. You chew the inside of your cheek and quietly observe her more. “Let me stay here again. I will pay your end of the rent until we figure something out.”

“No!”

“Shut up!” you hiss.

Just then the sound of a door creaking open follows after Sae-byeok bellows. You move towards the corner of the kitchen, away from the sight of whoever possibly stepped outside their room.

“Noona?” Cheol whispers, voice oozing with worry.

Sae-byeok goes over to the doorframe where he is standing and bends down to meet his level. “What is it?”

“I thought you left.”

“No, of course not. I’m right here just making myself something to eat.” she reassures and lightly nudges him back inside the room. “Go back to sleep, okay? You have school in the morning.”

“Okay…” he says, raising a suspicious brow but does as he’s told nonetheless.

You fiddle with your hands waiting for Sae-byeok to reappear. Your offer was preposterous, you are aware but how could you not do this for her? The past few months, Sae-byeok quickly proved you wrong. She wasn’t just a hard-headed person with a heart of stone, you’re certain now that her love for her loved ones runs deep and quiet. You can’t just stand back and observe everything she worked hard for just crumble.

When she comes back, her expression hardens and her mouth twitches like she was ready to denounce your offer again.

“Hey, just say yes. For Cheol.” you rapidly say before she beat you to it.

Sae-byeok becomes immobile. Her eyes dance around the floor when she comes to the realization that her brother is on the line. If she can’t keep them both afloat she will have no choice but to take him back to the orphanage. And Sae-byeok doesn’t know what she will do with herself if she lets that happen. Not when she promised her little brother he’ll never go back there again.

Slowly, her eyes align back to yours with a lot less intensity in them. You both share a looking of knowing.

“Fine. For Cheol.” she finally says to you. And you couldn’t help but let out a breath of relief—the anticipation of her response was eating you alive.

The two of you eat away the silence. Sae-byeok’s mind couldn’t stop spinning while you were silently checking up on her. You open and close your mouth repeatedly, not being able to find the proper words to say to her. If you couldn’t find a way to console her, you felt useless.

“I guess I should go tell Ji-yeong you’re staying here. How ironic…”

Your eyes widen when she spoke up. She avoids your gaze and brushes past you again, leaving you standing in the kitchen dumbfounded.

With her presence being gone, the adrenaline in your body starts dissipating. Your foot starts aching from all the running you did and you can feel the sharp pain in your chin from the cut. You drag yourself to the couch and sit with the pain until Sae-byeok comes back.

When she does, she comes back with her hair tied and familiar a blanket and pillow she brought from her room. You mumble a quiet thank you when she sits beside you and passes you the things you need to rest. To your surprise, she pulls out a bandaid from her pocket and takes it upon herself to plaster it on your chin.

“S—So, what did she say?” you stammer.

“Yes, obviously.” she says with a dry chuckle. “She also said it was ironic that I asked her this time around.” she expected you to laugh or make some sort of reaction after but all you did was blankly stare down at your lap which was now covered by the blanket she gave you. “What’s with that face?”

You rub the nape of your neck and sending her a fleeting gaze. “It sucks that I can’t get my things after I just got them back. But I shouldn’t be upset over materialistic things.” you admit, bashfully.

She pauses to think about your words and holds her breath when an idea forms. “Why don’t we try and sneak to your apartment to get them?”

“That’s too dangerous. What if they’re lurking around?” you object.

“We can sneak in the middle of the day. And that’ll leave me with enough time to explain Miss Ahn why I have to quit and why you can’t live there anymore.”

She patiently waits for you to take her words into consideration. When you made your decision, you tilt your head to face her with a small smile.

“I guess that works.”

Sae-byeok nods. Her heart starts racing again, not because she’s worried out of her mind because Deok-su is on the move—she now realizes she’s alone with you again. Things have calmed down and even if it’s just for a little while and there’s no telling what tomorrow will bring, it’s only you two alone right now.

“Are you going to sleep yet?” she asks quietly.

“No, it’s still pretty early.” you hum and stare at the television screen in a bored fashion. “Can I change the channel?”

She nods silently and you shuffle through the different channels. You were certain this would be Sae-byeok’s cue to get up and walk back to her room but she stays on the couch in crisscross position. As casual as you can, you adjust yourself closer to her to throw over the blanket past her legs.

Sae-byeok remains stiff, pretending to care about whatever nonsense is playing on the television screen. She couldn’t think straight when all she wonders about is the warmth of your hands. Theoretically, it’s unlikely that you’ll pull away if she were to grab your hand seeing as last time you were the one itching to hold hers.

She slyly peers down at you, wondering if you’re actually paying attention to the television or if your mind is also only thinking of her. Your folded hands were perfectly positioned on top of your lap. You must’ve sensed her piercing dark eyes boring into you because you catch her staring. Sae-byeok goes to look at the television again, unable to breathe properly. She feels insane thinking this much over a simple gesture.

From the corner of her eyes, she sees you unfold your hands and—

“Are you comfortable? Do you want me to move back a little?”

“No.” she croaks out. This was easier to do just in her head. She used to be part of a gang and escaped North Korea for goodness sake how did she let herself get so soft?

“Okay?” you say skeptically before focusing back on the television. “Tell me if you want me to move at any point then.”

What the hell. If Deok-su is going get her one day and you will again disappear like you usually do, she has to do this before she ultimately cannot.

“…Can I just do this?” she reaches over to boldly take your hand and intertwine them with hers.

You stare at this hand held position for a minute, unable to process her odd behavior. Was she in need of comfort?

You two remain like this while pretending to be engrossed with the show that is playing. Neither of you dare to move a muscle.

For once, time favors Sae-byeok. She relishes this fleeting moment where it’s just you two alone. You allowed her to become a bit more vulnerable, thus leaving her mind at ease. Now, all she has to focus on is your delicately warm hands. She knows this is an abnormal thing for her to be doing but in this moment in time, she doesn’t care. Not when you could potentially be gone all of a sudden.

“Did you win?” she speaks up out of nowhere.

“What?”

“The art project.”

She sees you nod stiffly. It was odd.

“You’re thinking of not going.” she utters.

“It’s just—“

“You’re going. There’s no way in hell you’ll decline that great opportunity over this situation. Over—me.” Sae-byeok says to you sternly. “Promise me you’ll go.” she mutters, squeezing your hand.

“Fine. I promise.” you answer after a minute of hesitation.

“Good.” she sighs. “You should be excited.”

“I know…I’m just overthinking.” you admit.

“Overthinking what?”

You gulp and hope she didn’t hear it. “I don’t want you to forget about me. Any of you. I’ll be gone all summer so…”

Sae-byeok snorts. “That’ll be literally impossible.”

“Really? How so?”

“Uh,” she starts off. “well, Cheol always talks about you—especially when he’s drawing. Like earlier he mentioned how your hands are always stained with paint and it excuses him for having his hands also covered with paint.”

You bite back laughter but smiling was imminent. “That’s cute.”

“It’s annoying.” she rolls her eyes.

“Okay, but what if Cheol suddenly becomes disinterested in art? Will you forget me then?”

“No, I won’t forget.” she says, softly. “How could I forget someone as reckless as you?”

You raise a brow. “Reckless? How am I reckless?”

“I literally had to fight Yen-ho for you a week after knowing you.” she says, but couldn’t help but grin at how embarrassed you appear to be. “But you keep me entertained.”

You send her a dirty look and snatch your hand off her grasp. “Wow. Nice to know I’m just an entertainment to you.”

She found it amusing how hard you tried to appear offended. You go back to watching the television, but in reality, you were digesting her words.

“I know I’m not good with words but...” Sae-byeok trails off, her chest puffing up after inhaling deeply. You slowly look at her. “I’m—glad you’re a part of my life.”

You try concealing the disappointment in your face. Stupidly, you were expecting her to say something else. Instead you just smile weakly at her before glancing away. It was nice to know that she appreciates you, it must be hard for her to vocalize her feelings but you wished you were more than just a helpful friend. That is when heart drops to the pit of your stomach at the realization of something big…

🏷️: @monroesturnns @knfthxv @jumpedthenfell-13 @peelover25 @karli6 @kissedberries @bitchybananaflower @laurenkenss @saebyeokbliss @everly-summers-solace @we1rdth0ughts

[bittercarrion]

I know I talk almost only about fetish and kink but...sometimes...a pretty boy kisses you and..and...oh my gd. It destroys every wall in one moment..

[latin5mamii]

Angel - Jude Bellingham

|WARNINGS: nsfw (not too much you'll have to wait😉) Previous part |SUMMARY:How could you know that a stupid nickname could change everything? |AUTHOR'S NOTE: Long chapter (I know you love me😌) enjoy!

“Girl he’s literally the love of your life, what’s wrong?”

YES, maybe you were overthinking on Jobe's warning. You know that he, being your best friend forever, has always been protective of you. If there had been something wrong he would have told you right away, right?

The first thing you did after Jude left was call your best friend, who was sure to attack you in any way possible. So now you find yourself talking about it with her, and she thinks you're stupid, obviously, but maybe you too start to think that you're a little paranoid.

“You're right, maybe? I don't know what to think either and I'm not even sure I realized what happened."

That kiss, God, couldn't get out of your head. You'd probably been waiting for this moment since middle school, yet you managed to ruin it from your thoughts. You try to practice one of the therapies to banish bad thoughts but it obviously doesn't work.

“Y/N, let me be honest with you: just trust Jude, you know your bond is very strong and I think he wouldn't have kissed you if he didn't want to”

But that's not what you meant, unfortunately. It's obvious that if he hadn't wanted to kiss you he wouldn't have even stayed at your house to sleep, because let's face it, you both knew what would happen. What if he didn't have to leave? You know very well what would happen after that kiss. You didn't even want to confront Jude because you didn't want him to think that you don't trust him. He said he would write to you as soon as possible. Maybe you have nothing left but to trust him. Ok that you study psychology , but not everyone is definitely crazy or plotting behind your back. And anyway you had other things to think about: You probably didn't forget that he invited you to one of his games, right?

"He also invited me to one of his matches, the one in two weeks, I think"

You can hear your friend gasp in amazement, you can hear an envious but playful tone in her voice.

"Are you fucking serious? Lucky you!"

The day continued in a calm, but boring way. You were waiting for a message from him, that's the truth.

 You even thought about sending him a message, but would you seriously have done it? So you tried to distract yourself: reading, studying , trying to do anything not to think about him, about that kiss and the way he could make you feel butterflies in your stomach at any moment. 

(Seriously, could you stop thinking about him for just one minute? It’s like he’s the only thing on your mind. Oh wait, he probably is.)

The moment you finally stopped thinking about it (Or at least you think) your phone buzzed, and you, as if you've been waiting for years, take it right away, and when you read Jude's name on the screen, you can't help but smile and your heart skips a beat.

Jude: Hey Angel, hope your day was as good as mine. I can't stop thinking about you. Lunch was a drag without you.

You couldn't help but smile as you typed back.

You: Hey, lunch was boring here too. I missed you.

(You missed him? It’s only been a few hours. But hey, who am I to judge?)

A few moments later, your phone buzzed again.

Jude: Let’s make up for it then. Are you free tonight?

Your heart raced at the thought of seeing him again so soon.

You: Definitely. What do you have in mind?

Jude: How about we take a trip to the lake? We can have a picnic and watch the sunset.

You:You always know how to make me smile, what time?

Okay, maybe this message was a bit stupid, but as soon as he replies, you can see that this message was appreciated.

Jude:Built for this, ain’t I? I’ll come pick you up at 6?

You: I can’t wait

Jude:See you soon then, Angel.

You spent the next few hours getting ready, packing a small bag with everything you might need for the lake. The excitement built with each passing minute, your heart racing at the thought of spending the evening with Jude.

As the clock neared 6, you were ready and waiting. Jude arrived right on time, his eyes lighting up as he saw you.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said, pulling you into a warm embrace. 

"Beautiful?" You say with a slightly embarrassed tone as you rest your head on his chest.

"I can't deny it" An embarrassed smile appears on your face.

The car ride was pretty quiet, but also stressful because of all those awkward silences that happened because of what happened earlier at your house.

When you got to the lake, you settled on a towel and he started staring at you again, not that you didn't like it.

Jude’s eyes lit up with mischief. “Ready for a swim?” he asked, his voice dripping with playfulness.

“Absolutely,” you replied, slipping off your shoes and heading towards the water. Jude followed close behind, his gaze never leaving you.

Once in the lake, you splashed him playfully, laughing as he blinked in surprise. “Oh, it’s on now,” he said, closing the distance between you with a few swift strokes.

Before you could react, he scooped you up, water dripping from both of you. “Put me down!” you protested, giggling.

“Not a chance,” he replied, his voice low and teasing. He twirled you around before gently setting you back in the water, his hands lingering on your waist.

“Alright, alright, you win,” you said, breathless from laughter.

He grinned, his eyes locking onto yours. “I always do.”

His fingers lightly tracing patterns on your skin under the water, sending shivers up your spine.

“Jude…” you began, but his name on your lips seemed to ignite something in him. His gaze darkened with desire as he moved even closer, his breath hot against your neck.

“You’re driving me crazy, you know that?” he murmured, his lips brushing against your ear.

Before you could respond, his lips were on yours. The kiss was searing, his hands gripping your waist tightly as if he never wanted to let go. You responded eagerly, your arms wrapping around his neck as you pulled him closer.

The water lapped around you as the kiss deepened, growing more passionate by the second. Jude’s hands roamed over your back, pulling you against him as if he couldn’t get enough. You felt his heart pounding against your chest, matching the frantic beat of your own.

You broke the kiss for a brief moment, gasping for air. But the second you met his eyes, filled with an intensity that took your breath away, you were drawn back together. His hands moved to your hips, lifting you slightly as you wrapped your legs around his waist, anchoring yourself to him.

"We gotta pick up where we left off this morning, yeah?" he groaned against your lips, his voice rough with need.

You nodded quickly and in an instant his lips were on your neck, leaving significant marks. You let a soft moan from your lips and you know that this is driving him even more crazy. His lips are now on your lips again, in a kiss with hunger. You have been waiting for this moment for a long time, and it has finally arrived.

The feel of his skin against yours, the taste of his lips, the way he made you feel like you were the only person in the universe,it was intoxicating.

Jude’s hands moved up and down your body, exploring every curve, every inch of you, as if he couldn’t get enough. You matched his intensity, your own hands tangling in his hair, pulling him even closer.

After what felt like both an eternity and no time at all, you finally pulled back, both of you breathless and flushed. Jude rested his forehead against yours, his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath.

You both stayed there for a moment, just holding each other, the water gently rocking you. When you finally made your way back to the towel, he started talking to you.

"My mom... she’s been asking about you. She wants you to come to dinner tomorrow night. She misses you,a lot."

Your heart warmed at the thought. Jude's family had always been like a second family to you, and the invitation really warmed your heart, "I'd love to come," you replied, smiling.

“She’ll be happy to hear that”

He said, caressing your cheek. “Anyway, there's one more thing I wanted to ask you.” A sense of anxiety made you laugh nervously. He looked slightly more serious.

"I have to go back to Madrid the day after tomorrow," After a short pause, he continues, "And I was wondering, if maybe you wanted to come with me."

Now you are sure of the fact that most likely, at this request, your eyes widened and perhaps, your heart might have missed more than a beat. Did it mean that you would sleep together every night? Did it mean that perhaps you were his girlfriend? A question now kept bombarding your head: What are you two?

A couple? Best friends who have gone too far? You don't know how long you've been staring at him without giving him a response, but just the thought of actually staring at him shocked embarrasses you so much that it makes you want to disappear.

"I mean, I want to" You are still slightly shocked by the proposal and can't form a sensible sentence.

Jude starts chuckling at your form of communication.

"You want to? Okay, that's a good start"

"But I'll let you know tomorrow for sure, okay?"

"It's more than okay, angel"

After spending a little more time at the lake, enjoying the sunset and each other’s company, you and Jude eventually packed up and headed back to his car. The drive back was filled with comfortable silence and soft music, your hand resting in his, little stolen glances that made you giggle, is this what it feels like when you're in love?When you reached your house, Jude walked you to your door, his arm draped around your shoulders. As you turned to face him, he leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” he whispered, his eyes twinkling under the porch light.

“Goodnight, Jude,” you replied softly, your heart full as you watched him walk back to his car.

A smile played on your lips and you couldn’t be more excited for what was about to come. You giggled all the way to your apartment and as soon as you got in you flopped onto the bed, stomping your feet excitedly. How can I blame you? You've been waiting for this your whole life.

[ame-perduexx]

Astrology Observations🦋

*as always* take what you want, leave what you want

*based only on my personal experiences with people with these placements*

🧚🏻cancer venus: if you've ever felt love from a cancer venus then i hope you know how special it can be. does it feel like love-bombing at times? sure. But i find it beautiful how unabashedly they throw themselves into someone they like. can it be suffocating to someone who isn't fully ready to commit? sure. but its impossible not to root for them.

🧚🏻taurus venus: wonderful, incredible, sensational style sense. thrift shop royalty. impeccable taste. can look good in anything - simply because it looks like a carefully curated outfit when in reality it took them probably 5 mins to throw together.

🧚🏻gemini venus: attracted to people who show them endless fascination. enjoys playing questions games to get to know people. knowing someones favorite color or season may seem pointless but they genuinely find a person's answers interesting.

🧚🏻as a fixed sign .... i have found i clash the most with cardinal signs. they infuriate me to no end. I enjoy the dynamic nature of mutable signs more.

🧚🏻Leo sun/moon: listen....even when you meet one and they tell you: "i'm like the most un-leo, leo ever! I hate being the center of attention!" they are LYING. either to you or themselves or both. i understand why taurus get the bad rep for being stubborn but leo's are stubborn in the way they believe they fully are the best person in the room at all times....which in a way i am almost envious of them? they have a kind of self-love that is unflinching.

🧚🏻virgo suns: make extremely well bosses. are very diplomatic and fair in how each worker is treated and never takes anything personal.

🧚🏻Sagittarius suns: for some reason.... the ones i have met and been around (ones who all identify as women) present themselves as extremely proper and pious in social settings. they love to be seen as the most put together one - especially in work-place. quiet in work environment ... but will talk your ear to death if you're sitting next to them at a dinner party

🧚🏻*trigger warning for SA* 🧚🏻scorpio placements. particularly sun,moon and mars. experience deep sexual trauma. over and over and over again in their life. started at an early age. continues to be taken advantage of throughout their lives. easy for them to associate self-worth with being sexually desired in a negative way. doesn't trust a person if they seem innocent at first, it always turns into some form of a violation.

🧚🏻gemini placements: listen to more lofi style music or instrumental. music without lyrics.

🧚🏻gemini moons: i know i've said this before in a post, and its a common understanding with gemini placements, but they genuinely are extremely talented with foreign languages. learn them quickly. hear them spoken for a while and can pick it up naturally.

🧚🏻moon opposite saturn: i'm so sorry. i know how hard it is. the depression, the anxiety, the constant self-doubt. you are truly your own worst enemy. i'm sending every person with this placement all my love.

🧚🏻libra sun & moon: have i ever truly had a deep convo with these placements? no. do i still love their company? yes. but it tends to feel surface level with them. they are not talented in expressing their thoughts in a spoken or written way without it sounding....childish. maybe its just me .... either way they would still be the first person I invite to my party. they make me laugh. maybe it's their childish naive view of the world i love. maybe I wish i could see it that way.

[dear-ao3]

Question for the mods....

HOW IN THE FUCK DID YOU MEET???

Like what???

How??

I am so god damn curious about you two. I wanna study yall under a microscope lol

Also ngl kinda envious of how close of friends you two seem to be. (Being an introverted shy af mofo sucks lmao)

I would actually probably read a whole ass book or watch a sitcom or something of the seemingly ever present weird-ass shit that seems to happen on a day-by-day basis.

/gen /lh /nf /pos

2018 newsies fandom. we weren't overly close but we bonded over race and albert a little and then katya dropped off the face of the earth for about a year.

during 2020 lockdown we both independently got into the witcher fandom and somehow ran into eachother again and had the fingers pointing OH MY GOD Y O U !!! moment in our dms. we bonded over hating jaskier. during this time we realized we were both dancers and katya was looking at dance colleges, i was already in college for dance and since it was lockdown and we couldn't go anywhere i told katya my experience auditioning at places to give him a good idea of places. and then i broke every internet safety rule known to man and said hey what if you had applied to my college but didnt know it?? and then one thing led to another and i dished out all the tea on my school. (only After that did we face reveal and give eachother our names lol) and then katya applied. mostly as a joke. until it wasnt a joke because that school gave katya a shit load of money and actually had stuff katya wanted to do. katya ended up coming to one of my zoom ballet classes and it took everything we had to not loose our shit on camera.

during this time we mostly kept eachother sane in lockdown writing witcher fanfic, and sending eachother awful thirst traps on instagram to pitbull music. one of our awful bits was using the dilf filter to make bad frat boy edits.

come august of 2021 we both moved into college. the same college. in the same building. it was wild. i pinched myself several times in shock. we went on a walk around campus with some worms on strings and were like what the hell how did we get here.

we continued to hang out and did weird insane things together. we took a class on the french revolution together where i had to put up with katya and fennec awkwardly flirting (read: making finger guns at eachother).

and then, since i was 2 years older, i was graduating and was going to stay in the area for a job and was like hey. what if we got an apartment together? and then we did. several adults agreed to this. idk why they let us. but now we live together in a real life apartment and we haven't even killed eachother yet. neither of our parents know that we met online. each of them have a different fake story as to how we know eachother and we really just hope they are never in the same room long enough to ask eachother about it. but its insane. 12/10 would recommend.

katya wanted me to include old tumblr screenshots of us talking, heres what i found from circa 2020:

we've always been like this lol

and heres some ancient greatest hits from instagram, i dont have context and trust me you dont want it:

every now and then the two of us look at eachother and go. how the fuck did we end up here??? (we have no idea)

[celestelunia]

This has been in my head ever since hearing Lydia song called "I only paint in red now"

I use the lyrics from this. If you want to listen to it before or while reading this, it will help with the overall feel of it. Lol

Hope you guys like this!

Warnings: nothing i think off outside of some craziness and madness.

Reader is female for this one.

When (this shows up), it means it's the other form of yourself singing.

"Whats a magicless girl like you going to do, huh?"

"I feel sorry for her...being stuck here. She's have no life outside of NRC since she has no magic..."

"Maybe I'll let you work for me if you promise to be a good pet~"

You stood in your room as you let your bag fall to the floor. For once, you were grateful Grim wasn't here.

You were tired.

So tired.

You knew not everyone at NRC treated you poorly, but you couldn't help but feel envious that everyone around you could do something you will never be able to do. While you might not have been from this world if you were going to be forced to stay here, then whatever powers that brought you here should have at least given you the ability to use magic! It was unfair and frustrating.

From the looks of things, you weren't even sure if you could go home, and if you had to stay here, what future awaited you?

The voices of various students echoed in your head as you collapsed on the floor and hid your face in your hands.

You were tired of always pretending you were fine. While you loved your friends here, you couldn't dismiss your current fears. Anytime it slipped out that you were feeling different or hated not being able to use magic, one of your friends always told you it was fine and that you were perfect just as you were.

So, why was this voice in your head telling you that once everyone graduates NRC that you would be stuck alone?

"I hate this...." You whispered before you suddenly felt something weird that made you remove your hands from your face.

Startled your eyes stare at a small, beautiful crimson jewel that was floating in front of you.

"W-what....?" You whisper before looking around and see you're still alone. As your gaze turned back at the small stone, you didn't move.

You've been in Twisted Wonderland long enough to know not to trust everything you see, but before you could stand, you suddenly felt a pulse hit your body that caused you to double over.

Suddenly, your breathing picked up as you felt your body move on its own. What was happening!?

You watched as your hand slowly reached out and touched the crimson jewel. As your fingertip touched it, you heard laughter before your vision blurred.

"She's been weird? How so?" Deuce asked as he walked with Grim and Ace towards Ramshackle dorm.

"She seems like something is bothering her, but she won't tell me what's wrong! My henchhuman is so stubborn!" Grim complained, but there is a hint of worry in his eyes.

"I'm sure she'll feel better after she has these treats we got." Ace grins as he holds up a bag full of your favorite snacks.

🎶Who am I, who are you?

What's a liе, what is true?🎶

The trio come to a stop when they hear a beautiful voice singing.

🎶How do you find a way out

When what's left appеars right and what's right's always wrong?

Clinging to sanity or embrace the fantasy?🎶

"What?" Deuce whispered as he looked around as the voice sounded like it was coming from all around them.

🎶Crimson red hearts

Stone from the start

Betcha they're beating now🎶

"Is that...?" Ace asked as everyone turned and saw you spinning and twirling on the pathway leading to the school as the voice seemed to be coming from you..

🎶Hatters and cards, yeah I'll tear them apart

'Cause the fire needs feeding now

Send kind regards

Drop the façade

Everyone hear my vow🎶

"Y/N!" Grim goes to run to you but is stopped when Deuce picks him up. "What are you doing? Let me go!"

"No...." Deuce said as both him and Ace looked nervous. "Something wrong..."

Your voice was haunting as it caused both boys to not move a muscle as you moved in a way that made it seem bewitching.

🎶I'll embrace this Wonderland crown

I only paint in red now!🎶

Ace, Deuce, and Grim tensed up as you suddenly spun around to face them and before they could do anything they felt magic wash over them as a red light erupted from your body covering all of the campus of NRC.

"What?" Azul frown as he suddenly couldn't move a muscle.

"Oh! This is a funny feeling!" Floyd laughed as he tried to move.

"Hm. This doesn't seem good." Jade chimed in as the three were in the Mostro Lounge.

"....." Leona said nothing as an annoyed looking crosses his features.

"What's happening?" Jack asked, not being able to move.

"I don't know...." Ruggie replied from Leona's room.

Riddle, Cater, and Trey found themselves in the same position as everyone else as they suddenly saw every mirror around them starting to glow.

"Y/N...?" Riddle asked.

🎶Wailing and tears

Sweet music, I hear

Sweat beading on your brow🎶

Your voice echoed through every mirror throughout NRC as everyone was rendered frozen. Even the teachers couldn't move as they listened to your voice echoing around them.

"Is that?" Kalim asked as your image appeared in the mirror as you seemed to be spinning and twirling as you sang. Jamil frowned as he watched what was happening. Something was wrong....

🎶Hatters and cards, yeah, I'll tear them apart

'Cause the fire needs feeding now🎶

Iida and Ortho watched as your image in the mirror walked up to Ace and Deuce as you circled them in an almost creepy way.

🎶Send kind regards

Drop the façade🎶

As you sang, you opened your arms as the gem that was around your neck started to glow a deeper red. Your eyes were unfocused and dark as you grinned like some crazy maniac.

🎶Everyone hear my vow

I'll embrace this Wonderland crown

I only paint in red now🎶

Suddenly the image shifted as it showed you standing ontop of a roof over looking NRC.

🎶My threads of thought are fading

Impulsive webs invading

Wonderland words coming out of my mouth

You're one of us now🎶

"Y/N...." Silver whispered in worry as he watched you through the mirror in his dorm. There was some dark magic at play here...

"That gem..." Sebek said as his eyes landed on the crimson jewel that was shining around your neck. "Where did she...."

🎶Wailing and tears

Sweet music, I hear

Sweat beading on your brow🎶

As you sang on the roof, you danced around in reckless abandonment as everyone watched you with bated breath as they worried that you might fall.

Suddenly, you seemed to jump through a mirror that appeared in front of you as the scene changed. In front of you was Crowley, who seemed to be unable to move as well.

🎶Now would you deny me my right to reply?🎶

As you sang, they walked towards the headmage as your voice took on a more angry tone.

🎶You see, I'm not done speaking, so let's see you bow🎶

The moment your voice said "bow," another red blast of energy came from you as everyone fell to their knees.

🎶I'm giving up, oh

I'll embrace this Wonderland crown

I only paint in red now!🎶

As you spun around the headmage office, you disappeared into another mirror and ended up standing on the stone path surrounded by the statues of the great seven.

🎶I'll speak in rhyme, if riddles you seek

I'll give you riddles, recite them for free🎶

As you sang, you closed your eyes as you felt power and magic surging through your body. You never felt more alive! It was so addictive!

🎶The clock's run out, too late to wake up

You're locked under this nightmare's thumb🎶

As you danced around something shifted as the crimson jewel around your neck faltered in it's glow for a moment.

🎶Begging, you hide and run

What have I become...?🎶

Your confident voice suddenly shifted to sounding scared as you stopped spinning and dancing.

The mirrors around NRC blinked as an image of you on your knees appeared as dark like threads were wrapped around you, holding you in place.

🎶Can someone please show me the way out🎶

Your voice echoed around as your body struggled against the black threads kept you bound. Another version of you appeared behind you as they wrapped they arms around you in almost a comforting way. Their body seemed to have the same red glow as the magic that now covered the school.

You didn't want this! You could see what was happening but didn't have control of your body. Whatever power that was controlling you, you did your best to resist it as you didn't want anyone to get hurt.

🎶I'm not too sure who I am or how🎶

You cried out as the image cracked and flickered as the darkness around you got bigger.

Suddenly, the image of you outside by the great seven appeared back on the mirror.

🎶Chasing down sanity til I drop

(Wailing and tears, sweet music I hear

Sweat beading on your brow)

Mind runs away, and it just won't stop🎶

Your body twitched and moved in a way that made it seem like you were a broken doll. Your hands moved up to your head as two voices seemed to echo at the same time. A confident and strong voice verses a more scared and waek one.

🎶(Now, would you deny me my right to reply?

You see, I'm not done speaking, so let's see you bow)

Please I am begging you just let me out!🎶

As the voices seemed to clash, you jerked back and forth as you kept one hand over the right side of your face. The left side was grinning as black tears ran down your cheeks as your head threw back to look up at the dark sky above you.

(No way out in sight, so try as I might

I'm giving up, oh

I'll embrace this Wonderland crown)

🎶I'm part of Wonderland now...!🎶

Feeling light as you collapsed back, but instead of hitting the ground, you felt gently arms catch you. Slowly, you opened your eyes as you saw horns, raven haired and familiar green eyes looking down at you. In his hand was the crimson gem that had started this whole thing.

"M-Mal..." you whisper weakly.

"Shh." Malleus said as he crushed the gem in his hands, and as he did, you suddenly felt exhausted. "It's okay now."

That was the last thing you heard before passing out in his arms.

"She'll be okay." Illia said as he appeared next to Malleus, who looked down at you in worry when you went limp in his arms. "Her body went through a lot. She just needs some rest." He said, touching your forehead.

"How did she come across the stone of Lydia?" Malleus asked as he opened his hands to see the remains of the stone in his palm as everyone was suddenly able to move. It was a powerful stone that could grant whatever your heart desired, but at a price...

"I don't know." Illia said with a worried tone before he heard voices calling out towards them.

"Y/N!" The voices of your friends called out as they rushed towards you. The moment the spell was broken everyone rushed out to come check on you.

"I'm sure everyone is worried. We can look into it later." Illia said as Malleus nodded, keeping you in his arms as you slept.

[2af-afterdark]

Childhood Lies

Fandom: What in Hell is Bad? Content: Leviathan & GN!MC (you/your), Mental manipulation, Fluff(?) A/N: Listen… Leviathan can gaslight me. I am okay with that. But I saw the concept of the new card and I had thoughts I needed to get out. Is it maybe a bit ooc? Maybe… But I try. Word Count: 514

You were different.

“How does it taste?” You asked as you leaned in far too close to him, watching him eat.

Awful. It tasted like ash in his mouth.

“That bad, huh?” You laughed nervously. “I was hoping it would come out okay if I followed the recipe, but I guess not.”

Even though you were embarrassed, you were still smiling while you laughed. Leviathan had never seen that expression on your face; a mixture of joy and shame and eyes full of affection and trust. That was a face you had never worn for him. 

He was envious of the man who that expression was meant for. He was only a substitute in your memories, viewing something you were giving to another man.

“Thanks for trying it, but, please, stop eating it now. I don’t want you to get food poisoning.”

You were different; more relaxed and vulnerable than you ever were with him. It was like he was speaking to a completely different person.

He was shoving your dreadful attempt at cooking across the table (away from him) when he felt a gentle weight press against his shoulder. You had leaned your head against his shoulder. Your eyes were closed and your breathing steady.

“I’m so sad. I really thought it would be good today.” Your eyes opened as you looked up at him while still leaning against him. “If I try to bring in something tomorrow, will you still try it or did I destroy your appetite for the next week?”

Leviathan looked at the poison you called food with complete apprehension. “I will not be trying your cooking again.” 

He deemed it too dangerous.

“Jerk,” you muttered.

You were different; unafraid or managing yourself to meet his expectations. You were saying whatever came to your mind without recognizing his status as anything other than someone who you thought had been by your side your entire life.

“Leviathan?” You called his name with a sweeter tone than usual, even though you were clearly still upset. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“No.”

Even if this was your dream and these were your memories, he preferred his privacy and solidarity.

“Please?” You asked again, but this time your voice sounded uncertain and small. “Just for tonight?”

You were different; smaller, more frail.

You were still you, but you were a version of yourself that was reserved for someone else. He was jealous that someone else got a version of you that he did not; a version that was vulnerable and calm and honest and passionate and embarrassed and shameless.

If he accepted your request, would you show him another new side of you that he could only see in this dream where he replaced someone else?

He wanted to know.

He wanted to know and he wanted to see sides of you that you hadn’t shown anyone else, even the person who was supposed to be the one in your memories. He wanted to have a part of you that no one else could.

Then he wouldn’t be envious of a mere memory.

[auddy-95]

Bold

Fili x Sigrid

Sigrid's life has too many rules and restrictions. She's in need of a night of fun with someone who knows what they're doing.

It's a good thing she ran into Fili.

Figrid oneshot

Read on Ao3 or below:

Music was blasting from a nearby speaker, but even at its insane volume it was hard to tell what song was playing over the loud noises in the bar. There were bursts of drunken laughter and shouts for friends. There was the occasional sound of clinking glasses and a pool stick striking a cue ball, but Sigrid didn’t mind. In fact, she welcomed the noise and the chaos. It was so unlike the usual places she frequented with her friends, with its neon beer signs illuminating the room in odd colors and the peeling paint on the walls, that she found herself finally starting to loosen up from the day’s events.

“Are you feeling any better?” Tauriel asked her, with a look of pity that she would have hated if the girl hadn’t been her best friend.

“Yes,” she sighed. “No. I don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” Sigrid swirled her straw in her vodka cranberry. When she’d first called Tauriel just an hour before, she’d been so overwhelmingly furious that she’d been close to tears. Now that the anger had ebbed away and she was thinking with a little more clarity, she just felt…helpless. “This was a good idea. Coming to this place.” She motioned to the crowded bar. “Dad wouldn’t think to check here.”

“I figured you’d want an escape for the night.” Tauriel’s mouth curved into a smile as she too glanced around the packed room.  “Somewhere no one would recognize you. We can drink a little too much and be nicely hungover for that thing in the morning with our dads.”

Sigrid groaned. Right. They had some brunch event tomorrow which meant false smiles and pointless conversations. Dread filled her. Her life had recently started to become a cage. She was tired of the media scrutiny. Tired of the events and commitments. Tired of the boring people with fake smiles. Tired of the men who complimented her and pressed too close to her, only because they wanted to know her father. The cage she lived in was shrinking by the day and with her father’s words from earlier looming over her…well, if she didn’t do something to bend the bars of her enclosure it would suffocate her completely.

“Thank you.” Sigrid took a slow sip from her drink. The alcohol brought with it a welcoming warmth to her chest. “How did you find it?”

Tauriel’s grin grew wicked. Out of the two of them, she’d always been the most rebellious. Adoptive daughter of one of her father’s most trusted career partners, Tauriel had been raised in a life of luxury that she never took for granted or let go to waste. Unlike Sigrid, who’s life had been thrusted into the spotlight much later in life was much for cautious and reserve, Tauriel had learned long ago the best ways to sneak around.

“Do you remember that man I met?”

Sigrid paused. “Which one?”

Tauriel gave her sharp shove, slightly sloshing both their drinks. Sigrid laughed.

“Not funny. You know which one. The one I met last week.”

“Ah, yes.” Sigrid remembered the half-screaming voice message she’d gotten last Sunday morning. “The mystery man who-what was that you said in your message-gave you a total of four orgasms before he even took it out of his pants? That one?”

“Yes! Good memory. Well, we’ve been texting all week-.”

“Hang on.” Sigrid swallowed down part of her drink too quickly and let out a slight cough. “I thought that was a onetime thing?”

“It was supposed to be, but we had exchanged numbers and we’ve had some really great conversations. Who am I to ignore what could be fate? You know, he’s a Leo.  We’re practically destined to be together.”

Sigrid rolled her eyes. Tauriel was almost as obsessed with star signs and cosmic energy as she was with attracting with male attention. Not that Sigrid judged her for any of it. In fact, she had always been slightly envious of the confidence Tauriel emitted anytime she stepped into a room. Tauriel was gorgeous. With a tall, lean frame and flaming red hair that flowed down her back in waves, she commanded any space she occupied. It was a talent Sigrid had yet to pick up on. Not that she thought herself to be unattractive, but she wasn’t nearly as exciting to look at when her fawn-colored hair and brown eyes were next to her best friend.

“So, what then? You want to date him? Officially?”

Tauriel shrugged lightly, before finishing her drink. “Maybe.”

“Oh, Tar.” Sigrid swirled her drink again. “You can’t be serious? I know for a fact your only criteria for the men you pick up are ones that would piss your father off if he ever found out. Do you really think he’d let you get away with actually dating one of them?”

It was Tauriel’s turn to roll her eyes. “My dating life isn’t near as restrictive as yours. My father runs a business. Your father is the governor. Two completely different scenarios.”

“Your father owns most of the businesses in the state,” Sigrid corrected.

“Same thing.” Tauriel leaned across the table to grip Sigrid’s tanned wrist with a pale hand. “Listen, I’m not asking for your approval. My father has made himself pretty clear. As long as I stay away from anyone with the last name Durin, I can do what I want. He has my brother to be the pretty face of the company, after all.”

Sigrid gave a short laugh. She’d never given the idea any thought, but she wondered what her father would do if she walked through the front doors of their house with someone from the Durin family on her arms. Likely disown her.

“If you’re really against meeting him, I can ask him not to come,” Tauriel continued, still holding Sigrid wrist with a soft grip. “We already had plans to meet here tonight and I thought you could use the distraction-.”

“No. No, don’t cancel.” Sigrid held her hand back in a tight grasp, smiling sweetly. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a bitch. You’re right. Meeting your very generous, not-one night stand is exactly the kind of distraction that I need.”

Tauriel beamed. “You’re going to love him. He’s so funny and witty and oh my god his eyes and he’s got this accent-.”

“Maybe he has brother,” Sigrid mumbled, as she finished her drink.

“Well, I don’t know about a brother, but I do think you’ve got the right idea.” Tauriel’s mischievous grin was back and she peered around the bar, before leaning in to speak quietly. “You should get laid. Theres a ton of people in here tonight. Surely one of them-.”

“I do not want to have sex with anyone in here,” Sigrid interrupted, following Tauriel’s gaze around the room. “I just want to have a few drinks and forget how absolutely infuriating my dad is for one evening.”

“Oh please. That is exactly what you need. Your father has been controlling every move you’ve made for years and after what he said today-well, empower yourself with that! Remind yourself you’re your own woman. Be bold tonight. You can do whatever you want. You can do whoever you want.”

“You’re insane,” Sigrid laughed, shaking her head. “Sex might solve your life’s problems, but it won’t solve mine.”

“That’s because you’ve never had good sex. Believe me, good sex can fix anything.”

Sigrid grimaced. She hated that it was true. In her experience, sex was fine. Fine. How pathetic was it that the only word she could think of to describe what was supposed to be a euphoric experience was fine? But since her father’s election, the only men that she had access to were so incredibly boring, it wasn’t too surprising her few times being intimate were rather lackluster.  But Tauriel had a point. She had been angry-was angry-at her life. Her cage. Maybe giving herself one night where she was her own person making her own decisions was what she needed to survive her reality.

“I’m not going to say you might be right, because I’d hate to inflate your ego, but I will consider what you said.” Sigrid raised herself slightly in her stool, looking through the crowd. “So, where is mystery man?”

Tauriel glanced at her watch. “He should be here anytime.”

“Well, I’m in need of another drink.” Sigrid hopped down from her stool. “If he gets here before I get back, don’t let him take my seat.”

Sigrid turned, elbowing through the crowd to the bar. Even in her beige heels, she wasn’t very tall; unlike Tauriel who was easily several inches taller than her. A part of her wished she had changed before Tauriel had picked her up. She was still wearing the high waisted skirt and white blouse she’d worn to the ribbon cutting ceremony that afternoon. It didn’t look right in the crowd of denim and leather, but she had been too upset at the time to care much about what she was wearing and no one around her seemed to care anyway.

Squeezing past a couple of women wearing bright red lipstick and smelling heavily of hairspray, Sigrid had just reached the long wooden bar when the person next to her turned suddenly, knocking her sideways. She let out a small squeak as she started to topple over, but an arm lashed out, snagging around her middle.

“Ah, shit. Sorry!” The words were deep, spoken in a slight accent she had trouble placing.

Her hands flew to the shoulders of the person who had grabbed her, digging in tightly as her torso bent backwards. The man who had run into her had nearly fallen over as well. He was wavering slightly, outstretching the beer in his free hand to keep it from spilling over them both.

“It’s okay,” she gasped. She slid her hands from his shoulders to his biceps to steady herself. They were flexed underneath her touch.

“You’re alright?”

The arm around her didn’t move and for the first time, Sigrid looked into his face and involuntarily sucked in a sharp breath.

He wasn’t taller than her. In fact, they were pretty evenly matched in height. If she were to kick off her shoes he might have had a couple inches on her, but his shoulders were broad. Strong looking. His hair was a shade of golden blonde, longer on top and matching his short beard perfectly. It was his eyes though that held most of her attention. They were so piercingly blue, she didn’t think she’d ever seen anything like it.

She nodded quickly, feeling loose curls fall around her face. She was still leaning away from him, but his arm was securing her in place. The man holding her was wearing a plain white shirt with a simple black jacket. Dark jeans and boots. Simply dressed, but maybe it was the broadness in his shoulders or the beard or the apparent age difference or just the alcohol cursing through her system, but Sigrid couldn’t seem to focus on anything but how good he looked “I’m fine.”

“You sure? I ran into you pretty hard.”

She nodded again and the arm around her middle disappeared. Dropping her hands from his biceps, she smoothed them down her skirt and tried to hide the fact they were shaking. “All good. Promise.”

“Let me at least buy you a drink to say sorry.”

She glanced behind her to see if Tauriel was watching, but the crowd was too thick for their table to be in view. Besides, her friend’s mystery man was likely already entertaining her. Sigrid doubted she’d be missed for at least a few minutes. “Sure.”

He motioned for her to lead, walking closely behind her. The smell of his cologne and what she thought to be leather wafted from him and Sigrid suddenly found she had to concentrate very hard on walking. There was a small space available in the corner and they took it quickly. With one shoulder resting against the wall and the other brushing the man’s arm, Sigrid felt goosebumps appear on her exposed skin as she sat on the only available stool. She ordered her drink, and he drained his beer, before ordering a second.

“You really don’t have to buy me a drink,” she told him as her second vodka cranberry was placed in front of her. “It was just an accident.”

“Maybe I ran into you on purpose, so I could guilt you into have a drink with him.” He leaned against the bar and winked at her. She felt her cheeks redden.

“Did you?”

“Nah.” He took a long sip from his beer. “I’m actually that clumsy.”

Sigrid snorted and the corner of his mustache quirked.

“First time here, right?”

She supposed it must have been obvious that she didn’t frequent biker bars, but she still found the question slightly insulting, nonetheless. Catching her straw in between her teeth, she felt her brows pull together. “How would you know this isn’t my regular spot?”

He smirked at the same time a long piece of blonde hair fell over his forehead. The appearance it gave him almost wasn’t fair. “Because this is myregular spot and trust me, I would have remembered you. Let me guess, you usually go to some of the spots downtown?”

“So, what if I do?”

He shrugged, bringing his beer back to his mouth. “Nothing. Just curious what brings a girl like you to the outskirts of the city.”

Sigrid didn’t answer right away. A part of her wanted to thank him for the drink and find Tauriel, while the other part was enjoying the way his arms looked holding himself him up on the bar far too much. It only took her a few seconds to find out which side of her was winning.

“My friend brought me,” she explained. “It’s kind of been a rough day and I didn’t want to go to any of my regular spots. I didn’t want anyone to find me there.”

“Relationship trouble?”

Sigrid grinned. “Is that your subtle way of asking if I’m single?”

“I wasn’t trying to be subtle about it.”

“No, not relationship trouble. I am verysingle.”

He looked at her for several moments, his eyes light looking over her face, before darting down to where her legs were crossed in front of him. Her skirt had ridden up her legs, exposing a good portion of her thighs. Sigrid felt the betraying goosebumps again and took in a deep breath, trying to will them away.

“What’s your name?” he finally asked after a few beats of silence.

“Sigrid. Yours?”

“Fili. And before you think of some smartass comment, I know. It’s a stupid name.”

 “I wasn’t going to say anything like that!” she replied, indignantly. Fili laughed, a low sound deep in in his chest and Sigrid felt herself smile from it. “I really wasn’t.”

“Well, you’re a nicer person than me. I think it’s stupid.” His eyes scanned over her again. A crease appeared on his forehead. “Sigrid? Do I know you from somewhere?”

He’d probably seen her face on the news, standing next to her father at some speech or charity event, but Sigrid had no plans to mention that. The whole point of the evening was to be somewhere she wasn’t known and she didn’t want to ruin it. So, she settled for giving him a coy smile and replying, “I thought you said you would have remembered me.”

“I definitely would have.” More people approached the bar on the other side of Fili, forcing him to take a half-step closer to her. At that point, Sigrid had turned fully in her stool, sitting upright against the wall at her back. Her bare knee brushed against him. “So, no relationship trouble. Fight with your mom?”

“My mom died.”

“Ouch. Do I lose points for that one?”

“I didn’t realize we were keeping points.” She swirled her drink playfully. “And no. No lost points. It was a long time ago.”

“Hm, we should form a dead parent club.” He raised his glass. “Dad. When I was six.”

Sigrid clinked her glass against his. “To dead parents.”

Fili took a long drink before looking over her again. “Alright, city girl winds up at biker bar on the outskirts of town because of a bad day.  Not a problem with a nonexistent boyfriend. Not a fight with your dead mom, which by the way you get a point for not being offended by that.” He glanced down at her figure again and Sigrid swore his blue eyes stayed on her bare legs a second longer than necessary. “At the risk of actually offending you, I’m going to assume you still have one parent around. Fight with your dad?”

“Two points for you,” she drawled over the rim of her glass. “I didn’t realize what a cliché I was.”

“Everyone’s a cliché at some point. I wouldn’t out too much stock into it,” he replied easily. “How bad of a fight was it? Repairable?”

“Yes,” she answered, trying to sound lighthearted. “My life is very…structured. I’ve known for a long time what’s expected of me, but I got a very heavy reminder of it today. I didn’t like it. So, I said some really unkind things in a really unkind way and ran out the door. It wasn’t my proudest moment, but everything will be fine. I’ll go home tomorrow and everything will go back to normal.”

Fili seemed to be listening carefully. When she finished speaking, he nodded slowly. “I know what you mean. Maybe not as intensely, but I’ve had things laid out for me for a long time. My uncle has this family business that I’m expected to take over. When I was younger, it used to scare me. Made me feel like I didn’t have any control over my life.”

“You don’t feel like that now?”

“Nah, not for a while. I realized I could still be me, you know? Just because this one piece of my life was laid out for me, didn’t really mean anything. I had just been a pretentious shit about it.”

Sigrid laughed. “Well, I do want to be a pretentious shit about my problems a little longer and avoid reality until tomorrow.” It was Fili’s turn to laugh. “So, do I get any points for that?”

“One. For your honesty.”

Her mouth fell open. “What? I gave you two!”

“Not my problem,” he shrugged. “You’ll just have to try a bit harder to earn some more.”

Sigrid glowered, but the gleaming in his eyes had her biting back a smile quickly. “Fine. How do you suggest I earn more?”

Fili leaned closer. He was now so close, that her crossed legs were completely resting against his side. Warmth flooded her, from her cheeks all the way down to her toes. The smell of his cologne grew stronger and something foreign twisted low in her stomach.

“Impress me.”

Sigrid swallowed thickly. “Um, I volunteer at the children’s home a few times a month. Do I get a point for that?”

Fili’s face twisted into disbelief. “You’re fucking with me.”

“I am not!” Sigrid laughed at the expression on his face. “I’m being serious. I really do. It started as a charity event but I just couldn’t stop myself from going back. That was a couple years ago and I’ve been going ever since.”

“Un-fucking believable.” Fili shook his head, laughing as he drank his beer. “I’m sorry, but I can’t figure out what the catch is. You’re gorgeous, funny and you volunteer with orphaned kids?” He raised his brow dramatically. “How in the hell are you single? What’s wrong with you? Are you crazy? Only have six months to live? What is it?”

Sigrid was pretty sure her entire face had gone red from his comment. Gorgeous. She wracked her brain trying to remember the last time a man had complimented her without knowing who her father was and she was coming up blank.

“My dating pool is pretty small, if you must know,” she confessed, giving him a hard look. “And the occupants are not very…stimulating.”

“Dating pool,” he repeated. He gave her a skeptical look. “Care to elaborate?”

“No,” she smirked. “So, do I get a point for being a selfless volunteer or not?”

“Yeah, yeah. Take your point you little do-gooder.” He sighed dramatically, dropping a hand to rest on her bare knee. Sparks shot at the touch and she struggled to keep her face passive as heat from his hand seeped through her. “I think that puts you in the lead. I’ll have to even it up.”

She smiled sweetly, although a voice inside her head was screaming because his callused thumb had started to move on the inside of her knee. “Oh, really? How do you plan to do that?”

“Impress you.” Pressure appeared under his fingertips as he gently gripped her knee. Sigrid kept her sweet smile in place but could feel her face blushing. Fili must have seen it too, because he smirked before finishing off his beer. “Let me take you out for dinner.”

Sigrid lifted a brow. “It’s a little late for dinner.”

“Hm, you’re right.” Fili frowned in mock disappointment. “I guess it’ll have to be breakfast in the morning.”

“It’s an awful long time until morning.”

“True.” He jerked his head in the direction of the exit. “We could pass the time at my place.”

Sigrid felt her breath catch in her throat. Isn’t this what she had been hoping for? An evening to prove she was still her own person? Could make her own choices? A night where she wasn’t herself? Tauriel had said good sex could solve everything and Sigrid had never had it to be able to say otherwise. Besides, she it wasn’t as if she didn’t want to. The hand on her knee was still practically burning through her skin and Fili was looking at her with those piercing blue eyes. Looking at her like he wanted her. The thought that someone wanted her, just her, made a wanting heat burn low in her stomach and she wanted nothing more than for the man in front of her to satisfy it.

Bold. Tauriel had said to be bold.

Shit. Tauriel.

“Oh my god.” She leapt from her stool and Fili immediately dropped his hand from her knee. Raising on the tips of her heels, she tried to peer through the crowd. “I can’t believe I forgot-.”

“It’s completely fine. You can just say no.” Fili had lost his cocky grin and was looking at her with almost a panicked expression. He started to take a step back. “I think I misunderstood-.”

“No! No, no.” Sigrid grabbed his hand in both of hers. “That’s not what I meant. You didn’t misunderstand anything. I am such an idiot. I left my friend at our table and I meant to go back sooner. Give me two minutes, okay? She’s with some guy and I just want to check in with her real quick.”

The panic on his face melted. The half-grin was back. He pulled his hand out of her grasp, snatching it around her waist as he had when they first met and yanked her tightly against him. “Just in case you run out on me.”

Sigrid hadn’t even fully registered what he said before he pressed his mouth to hers. It didn’t last long. A couple seconds, at most, of her mouth moving against his but time itself seemed to slow down. There was nothing-absolutely nothing-but his beard and mustache scratching against her skin and his fingers digging into her hip. No crowded bar. No music.

He pulled away all too soon and Sigrid let out a shaky breath. “You can have a point for that.”

He laughed deeply, unwinding his arm from around her. “Find your friend. My brother is running around here somewhere. I’m going to let him know I’m leaving. Meet you out front?”

She nodded and they both went separately into the crowd. The bar had gotten busier since she’d left Tauriel at their table. It took her several minutes to remember which direction to go and then to find the table itself. Shoving past a group of men in leather jackets, she finally found her best friend exactly where she had left her.

“I’m so so so sorry.” Sigrid tried to force as much desperation in her voice as possible as she elbowed next to the table. “I didn’t mean to be gone so long.”

“Oh, please.” Tauriel’s face twisted into that same mischievous smile, her eyes glinting. “I saw that guy bump into you and follow you to the bar. You’re lucky my date found me pretty quickly after, otherwise I would have come and interrupted.”

“Off course you would have, “Sigrid deadpanned. “Listen, I’m going to be quick-wait. Where’s mystery man?”

Tauriel glanced around at the crowded bodies. “You just missed him. He got a text from someone he came with-his friend or cousin or something-and went to find him real fast.”

“Well,” Sigrid started. “I will not be able to able to meet him tonight. Don’t freak out, but-.”

Tauriel let out a gasping shriek that made several heads turn their way. “Shut up! Are you going home with that guy?”

Sigrid nodded, biting her lip excitedly. Her best friend let out another shriek, before thumping both of her hands on the table. “I knew this is what you needed! Where is he?”

“He’s meeting me out front. He’s probably already out there. It took me awhile to find you.”

“Oh my God. Okay. Ground rules. If the vibes are off when you get there, call me right away.”

“I will.”

“Remember, you can say no at anytime.”

“Noted.”

“And be safe! Make sure he wraps it up.”

“Thank you,” Sigrid grimaced. “Have fun with mystery man.”

Tauriel winked and Sigrid began elbowing her way to the front. It was so crowded, she lost sight of Tauriel only after a few steps. She had just started to shove through a group, when familiar hands appeared on either side of her waist. Fili emerged behind her, keeping a tight hold on her as he helped guide her through the crowd. Sigrid was hyperaware of everything; the fingertips burning through her blouse, his chest occasionally brushing against her back, and the smell of his. God. Damn. Cologne.

He kept both hands on her until they finally reached the exit and he freed one to shove open the door ahead of her. She was immediately greeted with a cool, night breeze. It might have been summer, but it was late and they were close enough to the harbor that the air had a chill to it. The sky above them was pitch black, but the parking lot was filled with glowing, neon lights, small groups chatting loudly and cigarette smoke.

“Did you find your friend?” Fili had dropped her waist, but she could feel the whisper of a hand hovering low on her back as they crossed the parking lot.

She nodded. “Did you find your brother?”

“He was pretty annoyed I interrupted him.” He looked sideways at her and grinned. “He was talking to some girl. I think he’s met her before, though.”

They approached a row of motorcycles and Sigrid froze. Any ounce of confidence she thought she had mustered up went flying from her in an instant. Fili kept moving, walking up to one she couldn’t even begin to think the name of, before stopping and jerking his head for her to come forward.

Sigrid remained where she was standing.

“Don’t tell me I’m losing a point for riding a bike.” He grabbed the helmet. “Aren’t girls supposed to be into this kind of thing?”

“I don’t want to die.”

His expression dulled and he approached again. Ignoring her crossed arms and hard look, he unceremoniously shoved the helmet over her head.

“You’re not going to die. If anything, I’ll be the one dying because you’ve stolen my helmet. Happy?”

Sigrid made a discontented noise, but didn’t say anything as Fili shrugged out of his jacket and slipped it over her shoulders. He was much broader than she was and it hung awkwardly from her , but it protected her from the chilly night better than her blouse had done. After making sure her helmet was secure, Fili got onto his back and gave her expecting look.

“But I’m wearing skirt.” It almost came out as whine.

“I’ve noticed.” Fili seemed to be fighting against a smile. “We can walk if you want, but that would take half the night and I have other things I’d rather be doing.”

Bold. Be bold.

Sigrid obeyed, wrapping her arms so firmly around his middle she had a quick thought that she might have been hurting him. If she was, he didn’t say anything.

“If neither of us die on the way there, you can have your point back.”

He laughed deeply. Enough so, that Sigrid could feel it vibrate in his chest. Closing her eyes and breathing deeply, she focused on nothing but his smell and the feel of holding him tightly as the bike roared to life beneath them.

It didn’t take them long to reach his apartment. Sigrid held onto him with a death drip the entire time, but he didn’t seem to mind. There had been a couple times at red lights that his hand had appeared on her thigh that was squeezed on his side. Her skirt had ridden up impossibly short, but she had an inkling that he didn’t care about that either.

The building they pulled up to didn’t seem to be an apartment building. A large garage door opened and when he pulled inside, they were surrounded by long benches lined with tools. Sigrid gazed at it as she unwound her arms and slid off the back of the bike. It wasn’t until Fili had taken the helmet from her head that she put together the wide, garage doors and business-like glass door.

“Is this a mechanic shop?”

“Yeah. My place is above it.”

She looked back over the building again. “You own it? I thought you were taking over some family business?”

“I will.” He shifted the helmet under his arm. “My uncle’s business involves owning a lot of other places. This one is just mine and my brother’s. Something for us to practice with.”

“Wow.” She turned to face him, hugging his jacket close. “So, is this your weekend play? Run into girls, buy them a drink, then show them your cool bike and shop? Not that I’m judging. I’m just curious how often this works for you.”

“If I told you how long it’s been since I brought a girl back here, you’d probably take a point away.” He gave her a lopsided grin and there was another flash of warmth in her middle. “Good to know I give off the air of someone who does this often though.”

“Oh, you don’t do this often?” Sigrid eyed him, returning his grin. “That’s too bad. I was hoping for a good time tonight.”

“Woah, woah. Hang on.” Fili’s face hardened as he turned to face her fully. “Whoever said you weren’t going to have a good time?”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “You just said you don’t do this often-.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Hm.” She looked him up and down. His jaw noticeably stiffened. “I’ve never had a one-night stand before, you know. So, I kind of had high hopes for you.”

He moved closer, close enough Sigrid could have closed the difference between their mouths without moving her feet.

“Did you?”

“Mhm. My roommate told me a story of a guy she met last weekend. Apparently, she was pretty impressed. Something about four orgasms?”

“Only four?” The helmet clattered to the ground. Sigrid didn’t even have time to move before he’d sunk low, his rough palms grasping the back of her thighs. A noise escaped the back of her throat, but she instinctively wrapped her legs around his middle and grasped his shoulders. When he spoke, it was low. The sound scraped against every nerve ending in body. The small amount of heat that had been flickering inside of her burst into roaring flames. “Amateur.”

Sigrid laughed, before it was cut off by Fili’s mouth capturing hers.

***

She woke slowly. Exhaustion still weighed down her body, but there was a heavy arm slung around her middle and a warm breath in her hair and Sigrid knew she’d have a hard time falling back asleep. Nestling down into Fili’s pillow, she pulled the blankets tighter around her herself and the arm cradling her tightened slightly.

Sigrid’s back slammed into the door of the apartment. It’d taken them several minutes just to get up the damn metal steps. Somewhere close to her hip, Fili’s free hand was desperately trying to unlock the door, but was having difficulty as he couldn’t seem to tear his mouth away from hers. Not that Sigrid minded. Her entire world had filed down to the scratch of his beard on her skin and his tongue sweeping onto her mouth. Sparks were firing from everywhere his skin met hers; the hand holding the side of her face, his lips, the press of his hip against hers. It all was leading to a burning pressure between her legs.

The door swung open. She gripped her hands on the base of his skull as he picked her up again and kicked the door shut behind them.

There was a groan in her hair and Sigrid smiled slightly, still refusing to open her eyes.

“’Morning.” Fili’s voice was gravelly. It should have been embarrassing how just the sound of it made her stomach twist, but she didn’t care. Unashamedly, Sigrid slightly moved against him and he made the same groaning noise again. “Don’t be starting anything you don’t want to finish.”

A stack of papers scattered onto the kitchen floor. Sigrid was vaguely aware of knocking over a bowl, but her top had somehow disappeared and Fili’s hand holding her breast had every ounce of her attention. Ripping her mouth from his and gasping in a much needed breath, she leaned her head back against the kitchen cabinets, but Fili didn’t stop his attack. A hand held the side of her head as he groped her chest in the same rhythm that his mouth was sucking along her pulse point. He’d stepped in between her legs as soon as he’d shoved her onto the kitchen counter, but she widened them further as his hand forced her to expose more of her neck.

The hand overtop her bra vanished and she nearly whined from the loss of contact, but it appeared again under her skirt. Sigrid gasped again as his fingers swiped upwards, dangerously close to the apex of her thighs.

“You sure?” The words were demanded against her smooth skin. Sigrid nodded pitifully, but it must not have been enough for him, because he forced her to look at him. The bright blue eyes were gone, replaced with something dark and burning that had Sigrid unraveling beneath their gaze. “Sigrid?”

“Yes.”

The words were barely out of her mouth and he was kissing her again with a sharp fierceness. In fact, the kiss was so dizzying, Sigrid didn’t notice his hand moving upwards again until it pushed aside her underwear. Her nails dug into his skin.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he growled into her mouth, his accent far more pronounced than before. “You’re so fucking wet.”

“Where-,” she breathed. His hand had started to move between her legs and a whine interrupted her thought. “Where is your accent from?”

“Born in Auckland.” His mouth was on her jaw, moving slowly to a soft spot below her ear. The noise that came from her was horrific. She could feel Fili’s smirk on her skin. “Moved to Dublin when I was six. Moved here a few years later.”

A finger slipped inside her and Sigrid forgot she had even asked a question.

Sigrid turned under the covers, while Fili rolled onto his back. Tucked under his arm, she cuddled comfortably into his side. His chest was rising and falling slowly, and Sigrid took the opportunity to slowly open her eyes. The room was illuminated by one single beam of sunlight slipping past the curtains. Clothes scattered the floor; his jeans, her skirt, his boots. She wasn’t sure what had happened to her shoes and blouse. Probably somewhere in the front room still.

“Well, that’s two.” Fili spoke the words against the corner of her mouth. Sigrid was still gasping for breath as the ripples of pleasure resided, but she was pretty sure his mouth was turned upwards. He pulled his hand from between her legs and she whimpered. “How should we take care of the next one?”

Next one. In her past sexual encounters, she was lucky if she even finished, but Fili had just brought her to climax twice on his kitchen counter with nothing more than his hand. A part of her felt slightly guilty that he hadn’t gotten anything out of it and he must have seen it on her face. “I need to give you some bragging material. Can’t have your roommate outdoing us.”

Sigrid’s mouth curved upwards and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he hoisted her from the counter. She had no sense of direction. No idea of their surroundings. All she was aware of was his mouth on hers and his hands on her waist, guiding her backwards down a dark hallway. Her back hit a wall. Still only wearing her bra and skirt, the contact on the cold surface made her jump and something that had been hanging shattered to the ground.

She broke their kiss, but Fili’s mouth didn’t leave her skin. “I’m so-.”

“Leave it.” He said the words next to her ear and Sigrid giggled against the sensation.

“Hang on,” she ordered, lightly shoving him away, laughing softly as she squatted down to pick it up. It was a framed diploma, half of the glass shattered on the wood floor. “Oh, your degree. I’m so sorry. I’ll buy you a new frame.”

“It really doesn’t matter.” He went to take it out of her hands, leaning in for another kiss, but Sigrid had read the writing on the paper and yanked the broken frame back in front of her. He froze, the heat disappearing from his features as he looked at her with wide eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“This is yours?”

“Yes,” he answered, slowly. “Why?”

“Like this is your actual, legal name?”

His face deadpanned. “Okay, I already said I have a stupid name-.”

“This is really your last name?”

Fili nodded, obviously still confused and worried, but Sigrid couldn’t help herself. She just started laughing. Looking down at the diploma and the large font that plainly said ‘Fili Durin, MS in Business Analytics’ in the middle, she couldn’t stop herself. Tears were forming in her eyes and even though she was standing in a glass covered hallway, in nothing but a bra and skirt, with the most attractive man she ever met, Sigrid couldn’t stop.

“What is going on?” he asked. He yanked the degree out of her hands and glanced down at it like he was trying to understand what was happening. “Are you okay?”

“My last name is Bowman,” she explained in between laughter. She wiped her eyes. “As in Bard Bowman. I’m-.”

“Oh, fuck.” Fili’s eyes went wide as the realization. “You’re the governor’s daughter.”

Sigrid let another choke of laughter and doubled over. “Our families hate each other!”

“What were you doing on our side of town?” he demanded, but his own face was glowing in amusement. He tossed the broken frame somewhere down the hallway. “Jesus Christ, Sigrid.”

“My friend I came with is Thranduil’s daughter.” Sigrid had to wipe her eyes a second time. “We didn’t want to be recognized.”

“My uncle hates him more than your dad.” Fili was laughing now too. He used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe her cheeks.

“You want to know what the best part is,” she heaved, struggling to breathe through the snorts of laughter. “That fight we got into? It was because I don’t want to date anyone in his political circle. They’re so unbelievably boring, but he wants me with someone that’ll give the family a good image and-and-.” She couldn’t continue through the laughing.

Fili laughed openly with her, scooping her up again and kissing her fiercely even through her giggles. “And now you’re about to be fucked by his worst enemy’s nephew.”

His boots crunched over the broken glass as he carried her into his bedroom, laughing and kissing her all the way.

“Did you sleep alright?”

Sigrid glanced up at him. His eyes were still closed and his blond hair was sticking up at funny angles.

“Mhm.” She raised herself up slightly, resting her chin on her hands close to his face. “Did you?”

“I did,” he answered in a low voice, slowly peaking open his eyes to look at her. They were still heavy with sleep. “Until my brother got home with his date. Be thankful you slept through that.”

She breathed a laugh, laying her head back down on his warm a chest. A rough hand slipped under the shirt was wearing-a shirt of his-and moved slowly up and down her spine.

Her skirt had been thrown somewhere across the room. Bouncing slightly as Fili tossed her down on the bed, she had the perfect view as he stood before her and shrugged out of his shirt. Greeted with the sight of him shirtless, chest heaving, and giving her that look of wanting she desired so much, Sigrid was practically salivating as she waited for him to climb on top of her.

Instead, he grabbed her behind her knees and yanked her body towards the edge of his bed. She threw her head back onto his comforter as he leaned over her, pressing open mouth kisses from her neck, then to the top of her breasts. At the same time, his hands were on her hips, fingertips hooking into the top of her underwear. Pushing away the momentary flush of insecurity, Sigrid raised her hips as he slid them down her legs. She shivered as the most heated part of her came into contact with the cool air, but his mouth had appeared on her skin again. His beard scratched in between her breasts and then above her belly button. Sigrid squirmed as he dragged it lower, his tongue swirling low on her stomach as he sunk to his knees in front of her-.

Sigrid jerked and Fili had the sense to grab her knee in a fast, bruising grip before it smashed into the side of his face. She sat upright, face and chest flushing the deepest shade of red as she looked down at him.

“What are you doing,” she demanded, but it came out too breathily to have the affect she wanted.

Fili still had the iron grip on her knee, but when he spoke, it was with slow, calculated words. “Do you not want me to?”

She swallowed thickly. She could feel the embarrassment leaking out of her as she just continued to look at him kneeled in front of her.

“In your small dating pool you mentioned,” he started, slowly. The hand on her knee slowly loosened. His thumb moved in careful, comforting circles. “Did any of those ‘not very stimulating’ occupants every do this?”

She shook her head.

“Would you let me try? I promise if you don’t like I’ll stop. You just say the word.”

She contemplated a moment. Bold. She was supposed to be bold tonight and he did look awfully good in front of her like that. So, taking a deep breath, she laid back down on the comforter and forced her legs to relax.

His mouth moved on the knee she’d almost blackened his eye with, moving upwards at a slow pace.

“You know,” he started, again. His mouth was on her thigh, his voice vibrating on the sensitive skin. Sigrid whimpered and she felt that stupid, cocky grin again. “I hear the beard helps with this sort of thing.”

She was about to ask what he meant, but then his tongue licked up her center and her world went white.

Sigrid didn’t know how long she laid on him like that, but gradually the sounds of traffic grew louder and more frequent and the single beam of sunlight became brighter. Raising herself on her elbow, she found Fili already watching her. Smiling, she swung a leg over waist and sat on top of him and giggled as he let out a groan.

“This is bringing back fond memories.” He hitched up the shirt hanging off of her, splaying his hands on her side. “Ready for round two?”

Still smiling, she leaned forward until her mouth was brushing his. “I have to go.”

Damp, loose hairs stuck to her forehead as she grabbed his face with both hands, molding her mouth to his. His beard and mustache were damp, and she could taste herself as his breath filled her. He’d climbed on top of her moments before, ripping her bra off her and kicking off his jeans and boxers beforehand. As he kissed her back, one of his hands was digging frantically in the drawer of his nightstand.

“What are we up to?” He ripped a foil packet with his teeth, before his hand disappeared between them. “Five?”

“I have no idea,” she breathed.

She felt the blunt head of him at her entrance. Just as she prepared herself, Fili rolled until she was straddling his waist. Sigrid’s hand splayed on his hair-covered chest, more red and heat flushing her face.

“I plan on getting a couple more out of you,” he explained, his eyes travelling up every inch of her exposed body. “This will make it a bit eas-holy shit, Sigrid.”

The words had come out of clenched teeth. She’d gripped him at his base, before rising up and sinking down onto him in one fluid motion. She’d let out an ungodly moan as she stretched to accommodate him. The hands on her sides were digging in so hard she knew there would be marks in the morning, but no movement came from underneath her. Through the haze of building pleasure, she looked down and saw every muscle in Fili’s arms were flexed as he held her. His jaw was clenched tightly and understanding dawned on her.

He was waiting for her to move first.

Using the hands on his chest for balance, Sigrid knew she’d never forget the noise that left his throat as she ground hips into him.

“Go?” A crease appeared on his forehead. “What happened to letting me take you out for breakfast?”

“I have a brunch thing later and I think we slept in-,” her eyes trailed to the clock on his nightstand and her stomach dropped. “Oh my god, we really slept in. Is that seriously the time?”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Fili swung his head around to look at the clock too, but she was already scrambling off the bed. Tauriel was going to kill her. She should have called her ages ago to come pick her up. They were both going to show up late and their fathers would be asking questions.

Wicked satisfaction swirled in her chest at the remembrance of who exactly she spent the night with.

“I need my phone.” She’d found her skirt on top of his dresser. Fili had jumped off the bed as well and had just yanked on a pair of sweats. He started looking around the floor, before tossing her cell to her. “Do you see my underwear?”

“At least give me your number before you leave,” he said as he started ripping the blankets off the bed. “Fuck, where did I throw them?”

Sigrid was already zipping her skirt. Fili, who’d been looking under his bed, appeared holding her lacy blue underwear. Sigrid made a grab for them, but he held them out of her reach.

“Number first.”

“Seriously,” she hissed. “Fili, we-you know we can’t.”

“Why not?” he shrugged indifferently. “It could be fun.”

Sigrid nearly argued further, but the simple truth was she didn’t want to.

“Fine.” She grabbed a pen from the open drawer of his nightstand, before grabbing his arm and writing the number to cellphone across his forearm. The underwear dropped in front of her and she quickly put them on. She shoved her phone underneath her ear as it started to ring. “You realize we’re going to be in so much trouble for this.”

He grinned, grabbing her chin gently. “That’s what’ll be so fun about it.”

The ringing on her phone stopped and a voice appeared. “Hello?”

“I am so late. I know,” Sigrid said defensively into the phone. “I’m ready for you to come get me-.”

She swung open the door to Fili’s bedroom, intent on retrieving her shirt and her shoes from wherever they had vanished, but the door across from her opened at the same time. Tauriel stood in front of her, wearing the same pair of leggings she had on at the bar last night, but was sporting a t-shirt with ‘Dale Archery Team’ splayed across it in large letters. Her flaming hair was frizzy and she too had her phone raised to her ear.

Sigrid thought she might have tears in her eyes as pleasure erupted from every nerve in her body. She had her arms wrapped so dangerously tight around Fili’s shoulders, she would have wondered how he was managing to breathe if she had been capable of thinking about anything.

Sweat was covering her skin and was glistening on Fili as well. He was propping himself up with one arm, while the other was snagged tightly around her waist as he thrusted upwards. But the movements were losing their rhythm and Sigrid was still coming down from her high as he suddenly flipped them, driving into her with an unrelenting force.

Her nails bit into his shoulder as he buried his face into her neck, cursing loudly as his hips gave a few final, deep thrusts. Then, there was stillness.

There was no sound in the room other than their breathing. Sigrid brushed her fingers over the sweaty strands of his hair, trailing them down his neck as they both caught their breath. Fili, who’d been holding himself up on his elbows, pulled himself from her and a tiny noise escaped her.

“You’re alright?” The low voice was oddly calm compared to the things he’d groaned into her ear the past several minutes. Sigrid smiled tiredly and nodded. He disappeared from the bed, but she’d rolled over and couldn’t see him. She heard him dispose of the condom and then rummage in his dresser. A moment later, his weight appeared next to her on the bed. He’d thrown on a pair of boxers and had laid a shirt next to her. “Stay the night?”

She only seemed to be capable of nodding. Slipping on the shirt, Sigrid was falling asleep before her head even hit the pillow. Weight appeared on her side, and it took her a moment to realize he’d slung an arm around her. Scooting back to press her back to him, Sigrid had the thought that she could have get used to going to sleep like that.

“You can have infinity points for that,” she mumbled into the pillow.

The last memory she had before exhaustion over took her was Fili’s quiet laughter behind her.

“Tar-?”

“Sig-?”

A man appeared next to Tauriel. Black hair and stubble speckling his jaw, he looked slightly younger than Fili, who appeared over her shoulder. They might have had different hair colors, but Sigrid noticed the similarity in their bone structure immediately.

“This is the mystery guy?” Sigrid demanded as she shoved her cell phone in her pocket. She shot Fili a look. “My best friend has been hooking up with your brother!”

“I didn’t know!” Fili glared across the hallway at the man next to Tauriel. “What the hell are you doing messing around with Thranduil’s daughter?”

“Hey, I didn’t find out until last night.” His brother raised his hands defensively, before sending Sigrid a wide grin. He stretched hand out across the hallway. “Kili. Nice to meet you. Congratulations on ending this one’s dry spell.” His eyes landed back on Fili. “And what are you going on about? From what I hear, I could say the same thing about Bard’s daughter.”

Fili’s face glowered towards his brother and Sigrid bit back a grin.

“You slept with Kili’s brother?” Tauriel’s mouth was still gaping openly, but it was slowing beginning to curve upwards. “Why didn’t you say last night-?”

“I didn’t know either.” Sigrid looked at the man next to her and then the couple across the hall. “Well, this is great. We’re all being disowned.”

“Sounds like a good time. It’s been a while since we’ve made that vein in Thorin’s temple pop out, eh brother?” His accent was thicker than Fili’s, more Irish sounding. Sigrid imagined Tauriel hearing it in the bar for the first time and knew instantly what had gotten her friend so interested in him. “Weren’t you girls late for something?”

Shit.

They both darted down the hall.

“Glass!” Fili yelled after them and Sigrid sidestepped the mess she’d made the night before.

She found her heels by the front door and her top was laying on the kitchen counter. She didn’t take off the one Fili had loaned her though. She was just slipping into her shoes, when Fili came from down the hallway, holding out her bra. On the other side of the room, Tauriel and Kili were making plans to see each other again.

“Should I hold this hostage too?” He swung the bra around his finger.

Sigrid snatched it out of his hands, right before he grasped either side of her face. He kissed her softly, his mouth moving with hers slowly for only a few seconds before he pulled away. Sigrid raised her free hand, overlapping one of his on her cheeks.

“I had a really nice time.” Sigrid leaned into his touch as spoke. She was already wondering if he would really call her later. “Thanks for being a good one night stand.”

“You still haven’t had a one-night stand,” Fili told her in a quiet voice. “This isn’t over.”

Sigrid flushed as he kissed her again.

[juls-pools]

Momo and her relationship with other girls in Twice

Hi again! This is a part three of my series of reading about relationship between Twice girls and today's post about Momo. Let's get it start it :)

Disclaimer: it's just for funzies. Don't take it seriously. And never ever make your life choices based on readings. Also I am asking a permission to do readings before even start them in the first place.

Momo x Nayeon

A card: Page of swords

I see now, they were defenetly beefing. Momo sees Nayeon as her enemy or as someone who she can't and should not trust. She sees her as someone who is immature and evil. She thinks of her poorly and thinks that Nayeon is envious of her and toxic. They might even not talk it all through, as the card is telling more about fights but at the same time about mind games. Like they might be talking passive agrassive to each other and trying to mimic their annoynce, but all people around them could feel this heavy and fake energy. Momo views Nayeon as someone who is bratty and like to argue a lot, maybe she was seeing her arguing with other people around too many times. She might respects Nayeon for her strength and straightforwardness, but she thinks she's too much for her. I think she distanced herself from this relationship, that's why Nayeon might feels this kind of nostalgic way about their past and dissopointed in Momo in return.

Momo x Jeongyeon

A card: Lovers

Intresting again. Momo loves Jeongyeon, she feels like they are soulmates and this friendship is the most precious and deep one with girls for her. But as I read Jeongyeon's feelings, I can tell right now it's not mutual. And I guess it's because they are not the same, they are really different people in core and that might be really frustrating from time to time. But anyway Momo thinks highly about Jeongyeon, admiring her and feeling deep trust and devotion for her. For Momo their friendship is full of intense emotions and big challanges. I can tell their friendship was always full of ups and downs, having frustrating fights and difficult choices. But as I see for now Momo will always choose Jeongyeon. And that's beautiful.

Momo x Sana

A card: four of wands

So our J-line is quite happy little folks together :) I am getting kind of fire energy from Sana as it's the second time in a row when I am getting wands for her. They are energetic and full of life together. Momo might thinks that Sana is getting the better out of her. They are loud, happy and just silly when they are together. Sana is her happy pill. They might like to go out together a lot, because it feels so good for Momo. Also I think Momo appreciates Sana's gifts and taste in things. They might like to go shopping together or buy some stuff, decorate things. They give off this kind of early stage of marrige vibe, not gonna lie. Just happy together and do exciting things for the first time, celebrating them with others. I could imagine them going together to the parties also and just wilding there, singing in caraoke and dancing till the sun rise. Very lively and full of passion bond. But again not so deep for Momo right now. I don't see them talking too much or too deeply. This relationship for Momo more about spending time comfortably and happily when they both want it.

Momo x Jihyo

A card: Star

This one is a deep relationship for sure. Momo feels deeply about Jihyo. Maybe even idolizing her and wanting to be like her. She loves her. And that's love is kind of outer space. It's full of trust, devotion, some sort of deep intuitive understanding and longing. But Momo might always feels this distance between them. It might be because of their hierarchy and because Jihyo is her leader, or they might be always on the physical distance (like their schedual is too different and they can't see each other), or there might be always a mental distance between them that Jihyo put between them for some reason.

It's also intresting because the Star is Jihyo's card, symbolizing her (I made a reading about that, asking for a symbol card for all the girls), so I could tell that Momo gets who Jihyo really is, she sees her really well and that might be terrifing and freeing at the same time for Jihyo.

But afterall the card is about this dreamy and beautiful bond full of true love. That's what Momo feels for her leader. She respects her, she puts Jihyo's needs on the pedestal. Their relationship is just beautiful, full of emotions, hopes and dreams. Momo might listens really intensively to what Jihyo thinks and wants, admiring her imagination and creativity. Also this bond might last for a really long time. Momo will always remember about Jihyo. That's a devotion for a life here.

Momo x Mina

A card: two of swords

So not all the J-line getting along, I see. Ahaha They are in kind of strange stage of relationship right now, I guess. Momo doesn't know what to do or how to manage this situation with Mina. She feels uncertain around her. She probably thinks to herself, should I end things with her? Or should I gave her a chance? Is this relationship worth of my time and energy? And she doesn't have answers for her questions. Mina might be too rational for her liking and no fun at all. They might become more of a friends if they both gonna be more rational and cold. But trust is not here. I don't think Momo trusts her and feels like she can relay on her. As I can say they might get along in the future, when they both come to understanding what they both want from each other. I feel they just need to compromise and get it all straight to the point and work hard on this.

Momo x Dahyun

A card: ten of coins

Aww, so cute! Another family bond in Twice. Momo loves her, feeling at home near Dahyun. Their relationship full of happy and calm energy. It's a friendship that feels freeing but at the same time it's full of duty. They care for each other deeply and can talk about anything like in a healthiest relationship ever. It's giving energy when you coming to your friend's place and just can come all over their fridge, eat anything, gossip and yapp about everything that comes to your mind and then watch a Netflix series together in complete silence because you know that you can be just yourself and don't mind anything. It's a wholesome connection full of trust and love that feels like a warm hug. They might enjoy binge watching, eating delicious food, going to the restourants, doing some pottery in home, overall something homey and chill. It's not about going out, more introverted and calm energy.

Momo x Chaeyoung

A card: Tower

Damn... Another one of intense and hard relationship for Momo. They are... intense. It's the heaviest energy. I think they might be in a cold-warm, love/hate relationship lmao Momo thinks of Chaeyoung as a chaos. She's a mess. But that kind of mess might be super attractive for her lol They can hurt each other deeply but also might understand each other like no one ever could. I am sensing some kind of toxic behavior, some cruelty and even self-destraction. They might argue, yell at each other but anyway they are bonding too deeply. They are too deep in this shit. And I think Momo loves it in some sort of way. Living on this kind of edge might make her feel alive, might even inspire her to do better, to go on and on.

If you see yourself in this kind of relationship, please, seek for a therapy 😭🙏

Momo x Tzuyu

A card: eight of cups

Another dissopointence and mental pain for Momo. Something is defenetly off and right now she knows what she needs to do. To let go and go away from this relationship as far as she can go. I guess they were pretty close and right now their relationship is dying. Maybe it was a fight or they just outgrow each other and get to the point of not wanting to be together no more as a friends. It might be a cold demenour, like I can see Momo being enthusiastic and wanting to spend time with her, but Tzuyu cancelling their meeting at the last second and telling her off. But good for her, because now she is seeing things clearly and knows that she needs to back off and continue to go further. Show must go on even if it hurts right now.

------------------------------------

Damn, that was kind of an emotional roller coaster to be honest. I might sense that Momo is this kind of person who lives in a black or white world. She either loves you or hates you lol. The next is gonna be Sana, if she would want to participate in this :)

[riderofblackdragons]

Was It Something I Said (to make you feel like you're a burden)

Day 15: Childhood Trauma | painful hug | moment of clarity | "I did good, right?"

So fun fact, I've actually had this one written out for a while. I just prefer posting on or after the day of the prompt tbh. I enjoyed writing it, and I like rereading it too tbh. Outsider POV is always fun to write :)

This is part of the Commander to Firelord Pipeline AU

If there's any AUs in particular anyone wants me to do, I do take requests lol

Hope you enjoy!

"…There is nothing I could do to make him proud, is there?"

Mai turned at the low whisper, in time to watch as a single tear slid down Azula's cheek. It was pretty, in a way, although out of place, catching the fading light as the sun set on the city below them. The trust was evident in this weakness, this crack Azula was letting Mai see, trusting her not to gouge into it.

Yet the beauty present didn't quite match with the devestation on Azula's face. More tears slipped out, silently dripping down, as Mai took her time to answer the question. Azula's trust was an honour to be given, she knew. Enough of an honour that Mai wasn't going to break it by hastily saying something she didn't really believe.

"I mean, I did so much for him. I sacrificed EVERYTHING! My health, my life… I threw away my brothers' trust, just for him!" Azula started ranting as Mai continued to not speak up. "I was perfect! I am the perfect commander to lead us all to victory!

"He couldn't ever see that though, could he?" Her voice lowered to a whisper again. "If I do anything wrong… Make a single mistake… He's just going to throw me away, isn't he? Or let me get killed?

"To him… I'm nothing. Just a good tool to be used and tossed when it doesn't work anymore,"

Azula sounded lost, and afraid. Like the young girl her appearance porttrayed her as, hiding the quick wit Mai knew she held within. It was such a stark contrast to how Azula usually was: calm, poised, and in control, with a poker face the spirits themselves would be envious of, with the only emotion being what Azula wanted to be shown.

But she was just a child, Mai was forcefully reminded. They both were, really. And right now, Azula wasn't the Princess of the Fire Nation. She was just a lost little girl, desperately wanting to be lied to. To be told that really, it would all be okay. That no, she was imaging things, her father did love her, that it wasn't her fault that her mother left.

But Mai wasn't that kind of person. She was blunt, and she didn't hide from the truth. If Azula had wanted reassurances and lies, she would have gone to Ty Lee, or some other person she still trusted, instead. She wouldn't have sought out Mai, brought her up to the roof of the Earth King's Palace, to have this conversation.

And wasn't that indication enough? Azula wasn't wanting the sweet lies and falsehoods, she wanted the truth. To be assured that she wasn't going crazy, that her fears weren't all in her head. Azula wanted Mai's bluntness, whether it be that she was imagining things, or that she wasn't, even if she didn't like it.

Mai was quiet, yes, but it left her to notice more than others did, and she didn't mince her words. Azula had always appreciated the blunt hammer to any silky lies.

"No, you can't," Mai eventually said, moving one of her hands over Azula's in a gesture of comfort. "I don't know if he could be proud of anyone. I'm sorry, Azula,"

A hiccupping sob left Azula's mouth at Mai's confirmation. No other sounds left her, although her shoulders started shaking, and her tears spilled out faster than before. Tellingly, she didn't remove her hand from Mai's however. The rest of Azula's face didn't change, despite the tears definitely misting up her vision, as she stared out at the last few rays of the sun.

"But I did good, right?"

Mai didn't have to think about her answer this time. "Of course you did"

Tag List: @captain-effy @what-the-fuckis-happening

If anyone wants to be added lmk!

[moonchild--mischief--managed]

Quiet therapy

The reason I love LITA so much is because I'm envious of their relationships and love. I'm such a deeply lonely person that smallest show of care, love, affection or attention can make me cry because I'd be so happy and grateful.

But then there's Phayu loving Rain completely no matter how ditzy, spaced out, or silly he is. Rain always has Phayu's attention and love. Everything Phayu does for Rain is simply because he loves him and needs him to be at his best.

And Prapai proving to Sky time and time again that he would always be there and he would fight for him regardless. He would never leave and always trust, understand, support, and cherish him as a person. Letting him know he's more than just sex. Showing him how he deserves to be loved.

Made me realise how badly I want to be cared for and how annoying it is that I've been taught that my emotions aren't as important as long as I'm useful and giving good results. I don't have my person or just someone to tell how I feel truly without it feeling like they'd like to stop hearing about me and talk about themselves. The older I get and the more I process my life and feelings, the more I realise how lonely and starved for affection that I really am.

[thescholarlystrumpet]

Tagged by @tawnyontumblr Thank you, luv! This is fun!

How many works do you have on ao3?

166 formatting is being weird without a sentence here

What's your total ao3 word count?

910,348 - ahhh approaching 1M!!

What fandoms do you write for?

Good Omens and (to a lesser extent) Hazbin Hotel right now. Past fandoms included Rumbelle, Whouffaldi, Buffy, and Avenue 5

Top five fics by kudos:

To Tell the Truth (Doctor Who) Whouffaldi moments woven between episodes. Mostly canon-compliant.

Lending a Hand (Good Omens) In his heavenly form he wouldn’t have had this dilemma at all because there was no corporeality with which to struggle. And on the other, much less ephemeral and much more literal hand, he currently had a very noticeable (and increasingly painful) erection.

Personal Assistance (The Thick of It/Doctor Who) Clara Oswald leaves behind teaching to enter the world of British politics. What better way to make a splash than by working for the infamous Malcolm Tucker? And if discovering a (mutual) attraction happens to catch them both off-guard.... well, that's just life, right?

The Babysitter (Once Upon a Time) Tumblr prompt: Mr. Gold forgets something at his house & goes back to go get it. When he arrives he hears his son's babysitter moaning and thinks she has a boy over. When he goes into his bedroom he finds her touching herself on his bed alone moaning his name.

None of Your Business (Once Upon a Time) “Well, it’s very nice to meet you at last, Angus.” She rolled his name around in her mouth as though she hadn’t been screaming it the night before. Mr. Gold tries to balance lust and trust with less finesse than he'd like to admit. Luckily, Belle can give as good as she gets.

Do you respond to comments?

I've made it a goal to try and reply to almost every comment. I'm grateful someone took the time!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh undoubtedly Silence is Golden. I made my self tear up writing that one...

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Almost all of them? But I will take this chance to pimp my Canon-based Buffy Season Six Fix-it! (Everyone lives!): Making the Pieces Fit

Only totally non-shippy fic in my repertoire and one of my proudest achievements.

Do you get hate on fics?

rarely if ever?

Do you write smut?

Bwahahahahahaha. Oh. Yes.

Craziest crossover:

Not Just Watching Anymore - Buffy/Good Omens excuse to write an M/M/M threesome between Aziraphale, Crowley, and Giles :D

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, back in the rumbelle days, someone linked me to a site trying to sell my fic as theirs and we reported it.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

If they did, no one ever linked back to me :(

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Working on one with @hakunahistata tho we've both been sidetracked by Bang fics, hehe. It's gonna be great to get back!

All time favorite ship?

Oof. I love all my OTPs but I'm definitely *deep* in Aziracrow right now and hope not to emerge any time soon.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SO. MANY.

What are your writing strengths?

I get good feedback on my dialogue and characterization. I think I write pretty kickass smut most the time.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Background. What color are the walls? Where is the furniture? I have no fucking clue unless its relevant to the story. That table only existed when I needed the character to lean against it. It wasn't raining until that helped set the mood. Some people write exquisite scene setting and I am envious but writing it bores me to tears.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

One of my IRL besties can read a bunch of ancient languages and WILL side eye improper grammatical structure in fiction so I picture them giving me that look unless I do the really proper research (or ask them directly).

First fandom you wrote in?

unofficially HP but per my AO3, Once Upon a Time

Favorite fic you've written?

Ask me to cut my baby in half while you're at it, geez! But right now, I am proudest of For Loving One 

No pressure tagging: @voluptatiscausa, @naromoreau, @fishey-me @ineffabildaddy @she-makes-things @hakunahistata @nosferatini @zin-lynn-c and anyone from the @goodomensafterdark crew!

[killersnarl]

// sfw alphabet for nine under the cut because i am sick and cannot work on cooler content rn 😔 go crazy

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

as a baseline i’d say he’s a very affectionate person. he’s not afraid of initiating it either, even in tense or violent situations he can be very warm and cordial. in situations like these i think a lot of people can take it as a mockery or some sort of weird threat, which can be partially true, but not always. sometimes his comforts are genuine but just happen to scare the shit out of people, he doesn’t give up tho.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

i’ll say that he’s very elusive and just disappears for days at a time sometimes. he’s a very hard person to be friends with because he’s notoriously hard to get ahold of. you’d never know much about him or his life, but he’d end up knowing everything about yours.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

nine is naturally a very touchy person i think, that’s kind of just how he is, very into tapping on shoulders and such. when he does actually hold people though it’s very very lightly because he’s always conscious of how much force he’s using. he’s automatically very heavy handed so he really has to be aware of himself.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

there will be no settling down ever. he’s mediocre at cooking it’s definitely not that bad but he’s no chef, i would trust him to cook me food and not kill me while also having it taste relatively good. nine is a very very clean person so even though his spaces might be kind of cluttered sometimes he’s very good with cleanliness upkeep. i will say there’s at least 5 empty water bottles on his nightstand tho.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

the most horrible way possible actually. nine will do almost anything to convince people to dislike him because he loves self sabotage and ruining everything that makes him happy. no matter what he will find a way to make you leave him eventually.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

don’t even get me started on how deathly allergic he is to the idea of commitment

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

very much so. physically it can be a litttle difficult because he has to be very careful with how much force he applies all the time but he does his best and usually he does it very well, very soft touches. emotionally he can be very gentle with people which might be surprising, even if he’s dropping his whole murder monologue bomb on you he somehow finds a way to be very calm and gentle about it a lot of the time.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

nine hugs are warm and all encompassing. very very nice and cozy if nine hugged me i would immediately fall asleep. he’s very soft and cushy. and i think we all know he doesn’t mind people initiating physical contact with him.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

genuinely do not know if he’s ever seriously told another human being that he loves them except for his mother. it’s not that he doesn’t like or love people, he just doesn’t express it that way. i think part of him thinks it’s embarrassing to the other person so he just never verbally expresses it seriously.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

there is not a jealous bone in his body actually i don’t even know if he’s capable of this. maybe when he was like 17 and always mad idk. it’s actually comical he is not jealous or envious of anyone he’s like 31 and has already accepted that he is a depraved useless person that deserves nothing.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

very good actually. he talks to them like tiny adults and they tend to like him cause he’s big and nice. i will say he might curse around them though because he forgets.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

this is assuming you’ll ever see the day where you find a way to wake up before he dips

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

it varies very heavily because there’s a lot of things that could be happening at night and some of those things are nice but some of them are scary.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

never ever. he will actually go to great lengths to avoid telling people about himself, his only interest is knowing about other people. he’s somehow mastered switching the topic of conversation onto others.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

nine has absolutely incredible patience and he does not get mad ever, not outwardly at least. there’s not really anything for him to be mad about regardless. he’s a very calm and patient person no matter how intense the situation might be, he’s really just never in a rush. however in his late teens he was very different.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

he remembers everything, more than you probably remember about yourself. that’s the one joy he’ll allow himself to have, knowing things about people and asking questions about them. it’s a little scary.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

we all know how nine feels about the concept of relationships

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

very actually. nine doesn’t want to be protected in the slightest, but he does want to protect other people. he doesn’t want any harm brought to people that haven’t done anything, but i will say that most people have probably done something in their lives.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

nine does not do dates or anniversaries or gifts. on a broader spectrum it’s not that he doesn’t try at things it’s just kind of that he’s pretty mediocre. if you asked him to draw a cat for you he would definitely do it but it would be ugly.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

okay well i would say the constant self sabotage and destruction is probably not good. and when i say constant i mean constant sometimes it’s so stupid. sometimes he’ll get his favorite soda and then give it to someone else just so he can’t have it.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

very but not in the way you’d expect. he’s concerned because he wants to keep himself ugly and hide his face from people. he doesn’t really put any effort into making himself “pretty” aside from basic cleanliness and hygiene but that’s only because when it comes to his body he’s a complete clean freak. plus all his clothes look pretty stupid.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

no ! to be honest he will never feel complete because he will not allow anything to make him happy and he likes it that way. there will always be something missing and he’s destined to walk the rest of his life like that. he thinks of himself as some sort of pyramidhead like figure, some sort of executioner and purveyor of doom cursed to do this until he can’t walk any more. there is no suffering but there is no lack of suffering.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

i can’t make headcanons because i made him so here’s some ezzy made:

dad mannerisms. he makes the most heinous dad-like noises when he sits down or gets up.

exclusively wears those dc shoes with the tongue halfway up the calf.

nails and nail beds are disturbingly well kept.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

the one thing that really grinds his gears is people who are ungrateful to be alive. he’ll make you happy to be alive in the most unnecessary and gruesome way possible. he does not like it when people don’t appreciate the gift of life and living and he especially doesn’t like it when they attempt to throw that opportunity away.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

overall he’s a very sleepy guy and he does have a bad habit of taking cat naps and not having an actual sleep schedule. i think i can also mention his horrible snoring and sleep apnea LOL

[yeh-mera-deewanapan-hai]

This is a RANT

My mind decided to remind me that talking about vulnerable topics is not equal to being vulnerable and I am beyond sad that I am not even comfortable being vulnerable in my own room. Gotta hide out in the washroom for hours to even feel like a human being. *scoff*

Why am I so jealous and envious of other people living my dreams while I'm so insecure of my own self? It's not even like I'm dreaming of something big or extraordinary! I just wanna be able to go somewhere alone, to wear clothes of my choosing, to create simple memories with friends I don't have, to not feel paranoid every time I'm beginning to get close to someone. Is it too much to ask? Is it too much to ask for when I JUST wanna exist peacefully?

I look at other people's Instagram feed and yeah, it might all be fake but I don't even have the freedom to fake anything. I look at my past friends memories through their social media and I am not there. I can bet that I'm not even on their minds. I was not allowed the freedom to make memories with anyone. Not even alone! I look at other people and feel jealous as fuck of their ability to just exist as themselves.

It is hard being comfortable in your own body when your own mother is teaching you to be ashamed of it. I can't wear tank tops, can't wear anything above my knees, wide necklines are a no-no, anything body fitting is vulgar, jeans and tops that actually fit me are cheap so go cover your chest with a stole and wear tops that go below your hips!!

I can't do anything really... I can't go to the grocery store near our house alone but my brother who is 7 years younger than me can, I couldn't go to any of my past school trips, can't go somewhere alone with my own father without my phone ringing 5 times an hour, can't hug my younger brother or my father or my friends that I had and not even my own mother because she's uncomfortable with touching anyone but does that mean that I have to sacrifice my own comfort because she was uncomfortable?

I hate being called cheap and vulgar and characterless and a near prostitute because I mentioned liking something fashion related that does not go with her idea of modesty. I despise the fact that I always end up crying when I argue with her because I am more sad than angry at her choice to control every single aspect of my life.

I can't ever imagine being free of her, of her paranoia that instilled deep trust issues in me, of her voice hating my clothes and my hair and my makeup and my art and my music taste and my laugh and every single one of my little quirks that I see being adored in media but never in me.

You all must feel like she is like a monster but that is not true because while yeah, she made me feel bad about a lot of stuff, she also made me feel good a lot too! This is actually the first time I ever even hinted at hating her, let alone writing a whole rant on tumblr for strangers to read. She loves me in her own way, too much and obsessive and I know that just because her intentions are good doesn't mean the results her actions cause will be good too. I want to love her from afar.

[orphiclovers]

omg yes I am apart of so many more fandoms, I'm just not sure which one you are apart of. and the reason why I never made any posts on orv is because I have never found anyone who loved yoo joonghyuk as much as I do (also I have never found bottom yjh people ever soooo)

also I will never try to hate on a ship, as long as the shipper does not try to shove it in my face, I will always love the ship and talk about with a genuine interest !

I also lleu's character very underdeveloped and just... unchallenging in general. If lleu was genuinely made to challenge medraut and medrauts temper tantrum was much more reasonable, then maybe I would have liked him. I definitely would've loved medleu had it truly been with 2 developed characters with both having personality (aka medraut meets the standard and lleu does not)

and then goewin, GAHH I LOBE YOU.

I find the self-cest/spyjh ship extremely intriguing and genuinely so complex, imagine loving another version of you, less experienced, and so so naive. Imagine loving someone who don't even know is another version if you, destroyed to no return, like??? It should be a crime for it to be a rare pair !

(also I read a han sooyoung/kim dokja/yoo joonghyuk fic and it just scrambled my entire brain completely like girl you are literally on to something and I think it makes us moot worthy!)

I never read the novel either, but you inspired me to start reading it (apparently there's an epub?? it was said it was on orv reddits pinned post, but I can't find it anywhere)

orv has taken over my entire life (do drop the fics you're reading I am curious) so I'm not really active in any other fandom right now lol. I downloaded the orv epub here btw. good luck soldier

for twp - medraut and goewin really understand each other is what gets me. they both are better suited for the throne than Lleu but cannot take it because society forbids it - goewin because she is a woman and medraut because he is a bastard. they're both failed by Artos' off hands parenting method. they both love and are envious of lleu. goewin is the first to know about medrauts nightmares and scars but does not judge him, and he in turn defends her right to swear fealty in court. "I fear you as little as you fear me" theres mutual trust there.

medlleu is more medraut projecting his Issues onto Lleu. In the first chapter he comes back and quickly becomes devoted to Lleu's safety and comfort in a desperate bid to keep himself occupied and not think about his past two years at Orcades. as goewin tells him - he's come back changed, scarred. he's traumatized and latches on onto the first hint of stability he has, which is lleu.

Lleu is… well I think his childhood of constant sickness really fucked him up. He had no choice but to put his life in medraut’s hands and ‘trust him utterly’ knowing that he could do nothing if medraut decided to hurt him. That’s gotta be tough. All he had were his words, which he said carelessly, unknowing of how much impact and hurt they do medraut. Well, medraut hid it on purpose too. I can't speak on any development he gets in further books, but I’ve come around to his character.

there's interesting friction there, but we only see medraut's extremely biased point of view

[batgirlsay]

Unspeakable Love

A Playlist for Obiyuki Do-Si-Do 2023 by @snowwhite-andtheknight

This playlist went through many edits over the year as I discovered new bands (The Beths) and remembered old ones (Mae) but the theme of hiding feelings stayed consistent. The title lyric comes from "The Maze," and I’ve been waiting all year to share these perfect Obiyuki songs! Also looking forward to reading the final companion piece by @jhalya!

Unspeakable Love

Knees Deep- The Beths My Answer- The Natural Lines The Maze- Manchester Orchestra A Scene That Will Never Die- The Natural Lines Giving It Away- Mae Do You Want Me Now- The Beths Alex Bell- The Natural Lines Telepath- Manchester Orchestra True Blue- Boygenius

Summary lyrics are posted under the cut:

Knees Deep- The Beths

Watching light through water I want to bend the way it bends You slice like a knife through the surface But what a thrill to see it mend With no scar, no memory I'm envious, why pretend I'm not

Wading in up to the ankles The cold speaks straight to my bones Whole body and soul hesitation I am a coward turned to stone I stay there for centuries So all of history knows about it

The shame, I wish that I was Bravе enough to dive in But I nevеr have been and never will be I'm coming in hot then freezing completely

The shame, I wish that I could Say what I've been thinking But I never have done and never will do Still only knees deep, I'll never be brave like you

My Answer- The Natural Lines

My answer to the night is maybe A little danger on the side of a mountain

The flame lit face reveals what’s obvious

We will be strange We will be perfectly out of place

Maybe we’ll lock eyes Maybe we’ll meet Nothing has to happen Creatures inconceivable

The Maze- Manchester Orchestra

I notice you when you're noticing me Breaking the habit, you're watching me sleep, oh Give me some time, let me learn how to speak I'm a maze to you

First of a thousand to write on the wall It's only beginning, it's swallowing us Somebody said it's unspeakable love It's amazing You lift that burden off of me

A Scene That Will Never Die- The Natural Lines

Starting at the summer’s end When the nights get loud

We were searching for the words The lines that don’t feel like they’ve ever been said before

Sometimes we lose it Sometimes we don’t end where we meet

The ghosts keep flying overhead Changes are permanent Because the chemistry connects Because you sit in the passenger side A scene that will never die

Sometimes we lose it Sometimes we don’t land where we mean

Giving It Away- Mae

By the way you brought me here It makes me believe that the best is yet to come and I don't want to leave

Forgive my hesitation but I'm learning to trust in you Help me to dream these dreams because I don't have a clue

If you'd be honest and say what you mean You know I would promise I'd do anything Because I know that without you I'm giving it away

You've introduced me to the moment But I'm looking to stay for good

Do You Want Me Now- The Beths

Just a question that keeps me fast awake In the dead of night I'm a condemned site with light on Tell me what you decide on

Do you want me now? Or do you wanna leave it out We can talk about it I wanna tell you something but I don't know how

Being patient's never been my forte And your waiting room is hard on my esteem

Alex Bell- The Natural Lines

You were here, you always seem so far away You’ve become someone out of reach

The seasons keep me running away with myself I want to get an answer from Alex Bell tonight

I loved your laughter when life seemed impossible

No one wants to hear my silent speech I’ve become someone out of reach

Telepath- Manchester Orchestra

Told her I don't have a lot, babe, but you can have my soul Baby, do you want me? No, no, no

Everyone I know is slowly falling in the ocean I don't want to be the next to row, I never learned to swim Baby, do you love me? No, no, no

In my mind, you are the road I chose to travel Might as well have been the very last thing I decide Half the time I'm lost, afraid that you're just borrowed It don't matter much to me, man, I'm not afraid to die You're the one I wanted, want now, want when I am old When I'm falling

True Blue- Boygenius

You say you're a winter bitch, but summer's in your blood You can't help but become the sun

When you don't know who you are, you fuck around and find out When you called me from the train, water freezing in your eyes You were happy and I wasn't surprised

You already hurt my feelings three times In the way only you could

But it feels good to be known so well I can't hide from you like I hide from myself I remember who I am when I'm with you Your love is tough, your love is tried and true blue