#911 season 8 fic

[becausebuckley]

michelle's season 8 fic recs: week 41!

ALL FICS ON THIS LIST CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR 911 SEASON 8. whether they simply take place during the season or are missing scenes/codas/spec fics for future episodes, there's something for everyone! for this week's spoiler-free buddie recs, click here!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading!

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

breathe in, breathe through | cranberrymoons/@cranberrymoons | 1k | T

“Long night,” he says after a moment. It’s the first thing either of them have said since they left the station, since they ended up here by silent agreement. Eddie nods, and Buck feels himself smile. “Did I tell you I got to steal a motorcycle?” soft and intimate and just so so good <3

'cause you're a sky full of stars | yimooyi | 6.9k and counting | G

5 times Buck finds Eddie leaving him paper stars and 1 time he finds out they're more than just that. i love love love the idea of eddie doing origami and leaving the stars as little gifts for buck so much <3 lovely!!

haunt me (hold me) | paleredheadinascifi | 2.3k | T

Christopher thinks he’s too old to sleep in his dad’s bed after a nightmare. Buck thinks that’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. buckley-diaz family my most beloved <3 such a lovely look at the dynamic between these three!

lead us somewhere (to safety) | grantnashed | 798 | T

Athena is about to land a plane with injured passengers. She doesn’t think she’s gonna make it so she calls Bobby, ready to say goodbye. a little bathena is good for the soul!! i loved this scene in the epusode and i loved this version of it just as much <3

the (martial) art of you | moonsharky/@moonsharky | 16.2k | E

the one where buck and eddie fuck on the floor of an mma gym after hours this is so them <3 had such a great time reading this!!

need to know for sure | goforthetitle/@goforthetitle | 11.4k | T

the OCD!Buck fic. such a fantastic look at buck's reaction to hurting gerrard!! beautifully written <3

there ain't been no sun in LA | spiritsontheroof/@spiritsontheroof | 17.9k | T

Eddie goes back to Texas to bring his son home. Buck handles this well. i knew i would love this just from the tags and i was so happy to be proven right <3 fantastic!!

[kenneth-black]

Does it ever drive you crazy…

…just how fast the night changes? 🥹

[i wonder if Buck misses baking with his Chris 🙂]

[jackwhiteprophetic]

THIS is an accurate depiction of Buck and Eddie cornering Chim after he accidentally uncovers their relationship and convincing him to keep it a secret.

[cosyvelvetorchid]

LOOK AT THEIR FACES!!

[hisbucky]

Buck: So you lied to me. Bobby: I didn't lie, per say. Buck: You said everything was fine and now we learn that you had plans to leave?! Bobby, distressed: Son, please - Buck, wounded: Don't do that! Don't call me that! I trusted you, and you lied to me! *on the other side of the station* Eddie: Should we be doing something? Hen: I say we let them play it out. The station family drama has been a bit dry lately. Chimney: Not that it isn't fun to watch you pine over Buck and Tommy, but it gets old. Eddie, blushing: I do not pine! Ravi, muttering: Denial is not a good look on you.

[tommykinard6]

Here’s something I shall drop into the void

Buck waited for another two weeks after he first saw the text bubbles on his phone, opening his and Tommy’s chat at every possibility to wait. He waited for those bubbles to reappear, for a sign that Tommy was still thinking about him. But there was no sign, no bubbles, no nothing.

Buck had changed Tommy’s name in his phone to his own nickname in a valiant attempt to keep himself from reaching out. It didn’t take long for him to change it back, something in him desperately needing to see Tommy’s name. He was grasping at crumbs and he knew it.

Two weeks later, he nearly dropped his phone as the text bubble reappeared. His heart sped up and a lump appeared in his throat as he watched with baited breath. He was alone in the gym and he was glad of it. His friends meant well, he knew, but he didn’t want his phone snatched away from him again.

He’d already seen his future get snatched away. He couldn’t bear to watch it happen again.

The bubble went away, then reappeared just as the tones went off, calling five stations to a fully involved apartment fire. Cursing under his breath, Buck shoved his phone in his pocket and ran for the engine.

He checked his phone again just before arriving at the fire, heart sinking at the lack of message or bubble.

***

The blaze didn’t go down for hours. By the time they got back to the station, Buck had forgotten about his phone for the first time in weeks. As everyone else hit the showers, he finally pulled it out of his pocket for the first time in hours and froze.

There was no text message.

There was, however, a voicemail.

Buck’s feet took him of their own accord into the bunk room, away from any distractions. He fumbled with the buttons before shoving the phone to his ear. He couldn’t hit play fast enough.

“Evan.” Just hearing Tommy’s voice again made all the emotions surge, anger and sadness and longing and confusion all gelling into a thick lump in his chest. “Or B-Buck. I don’t know if I have the right to call you Evan anymore.”

It would always be Evan. Even for Tommy. Especially for Tommy.

“I just-I needed to say something. And I know you’re on shift. Probably at that fire downtown. Be safe. Please.” Buck didn’t know that he’d ever heard such uncertainty in Tommy’s voice. It was unfamiliar and unsettling. He didn’t like it. “This might be the coward’s way out. And I hope you don’t feel obligated to listen. I just need you to know something. You deserve answers, ones I didn’t give you before.”

There was a long moment of silence on the other end.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I want you to know that. I ran away because of my own problems, not because you did anything. You talked about me being an inspiration, but Evan, Buck, I’m anything but. I wanted nothing more than to agree to moving in. It wouldn’t be your place though. I have a house. It makes more sense to move into mine. I wanted that. I still want that and it’s not fair to you.

But at the same time, I realized that you-you think I’m a much better person than I am. Evan, you’re-you’re fucking amazing. You love unashamedly, you keep your family close, you aren’t afraid to be yourself. I’m always afraid. I’m never good enough. I’ve never been enough. Done some shit that I can never undo. Said shit I can’t take back. I hurt you, I hurt Abby, I hurt a lot of people by being a coward. Hurt myself most, I think, and I’ll never be deserving of you. And I was afraid of you figuring that out for yourself.

I shouldn’t have said all that shit about needing to explore. You don’t need to do that for your identity. I said you should because I knew that you would find someone worthy of you. It’s not me. I wanted it to be. I really fucking wanted it.” Tommy’s voice broke. Buck swiped at the silent tears running down his face, disturbing the soot settled there.

“I’m fucking selfish cause all I want is that future we had in front of us. I’m an idiot for letting you go and I would be an idiot if I tried to stay, knowing I could never deserve you. I’m so-so confused and lost and I just miss you. I love you and I’m a mess.”

Buck choked out a sob, scrubbing at his face.

“That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have said that. That’s not fair to you.” Tommy was quiet for another moment. “I think what I’m trying to say is that I ran because I was scared of you breaking my heart. I knew if I ran first, it would just be hurting myself. You hurting me, it’s something I could never predict or prepare for. It’s the unknown. Because all you’ve ever done is make me happy. I’ve never felt more alive than with you. Every moment we were apart sucked and these last few weeks…” Tommy trailed off again. Finally, he blew out a deep breath.

“I’m a mess. I thought I was put together. I thought I’d done my time in therapy and had worked through these issues, but I haven’t. I’m-I’m back in therapy now. I’ve got a lot of shit to work through. Feels good to tackle it though. I’m doing it for me mostly, but I’m also doing it for you. For us. Even if you would never take me back, I’m doing it because we deserved it. Because you deserved it.

I would take everything back that night if I could. I have no right to ask you to listen to this. I don’t know if you ever will. I have no right to beg for your forgiveness. To ask you for another chance. But if you let me, I would. Maybe not yet. I-I gotta work through some shit first. But I would spend every day and night for the rest of our lives making it up to you. I would never leave you again, not my choice. I’d spend the rest of my life making sure you’re loved and that you never doubt it.

You owe me nothing. You deserve better. You could tell me to fuck off, or ignore me. I’ll respect whatever you want. You never signed up for this. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.”

The line went silent for a long time. Buck had to check to make sure the voicemail hadn’t ended, sniffling as he did so.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You’re it for me and I should’ve fought harder to tell you. I should’ve told you I love you. I have a lot of regrets, Evan. You’ll never be one. Letting you go will be my biggest.”

And the voicemail ended.

“Fuck.” Buck whispered, rubbing away the tears from his eyes. “Fuck. Goddamnit.” He pulled up the automated transcript of the voicemail and read it until his eyes swam again. He saved the voicemail and the transcript before pulling up their messages.

Buck: you’re gonna say all that to me in person. And then we’re going to talk about it. No more making decisions for me, but we’re going at your pace now not mine

Buck: and I’m going to say it back in person

Therapy would do them both good. Maybe therapy together would help too. And maybe it would all be for nothing, but even as much as it all still hurt, Buck wasn’t going to deny himself what he wanted anymore. These last weeks had been hell enough.

Buck: and it’s still Evan for you

The bell went off in that moment and Buck wiped his face again hurriedly, grimacing at the realization that he hasn’t even gotten to shower yet as he ran out of the bunk room. The others looked him up and down in concern as he climbed into the truck, but he didn’t pay attention. He didn’t even know what kind of call they were going on, too in his own head to listen. His mind just kept looping on,

I love you

[mischiefbuckley]

so simple yet so beautiful

[dudesrysly]

Imagine on 8X06, the 118 is deciding how to save the boy, they’re all brainstorming.

And Eddie’s like yeah, cap’s right. I can’t go in there this time. Not like this. But what if I get-

And Buck immediately goes No! His eyes filled with fear.

Everyone looks at him with a weird look, especially Eddie.

Buck feels embarrassed a little I- I mean… we’ll find a safer way, right Cap?

Bobby nods yeah, of course, Buck. Knowing why is he stressed.

And the whole time, subconsciously, Buck stays a little closer to Eddie. Just to give himself some peace of mind that Eddie’s not in danger this time.

[wallabywhump]

Post Episode 8x08 CODA/Continuation

Content: Light angst, Buck spiralling, Buck's abandonment issues/running thoughts/(has ADHD), BuckTommy hints at the end.

Word Count: 1,965

Started writing this when the episode ended, please enjoy!

---

The sign goes out front of Eddie's house two weeks later, Buck helps to dig the hole. Buck helps talk to the realtor. Buck talks Eddie down from a three-bed home with an attic office in a HOA suburb and helps him find a respectably sized two bed that will leave him with money to renovate the bathroom and add a ramp up to the door.

Buck bakes a million cookies and eats them while Eddie has meetings with realtors. He sets out sweet breads and muffins when Eddie has an open house, and he happily serves them to people, "yes, there is a gluten free option! I was playing around with xanthan gum, so it shouldn't- oh, you're too kind."

All through it all, Buck focuses on Eddie, and he tries to ignore the ball of panic that's growing and growing and growing, as Eddie calls his mom and dad, and talks to Chris, and they're discussing going to view the home together and-

"I'll be there in two days, buddy!" Eddie says to Chris, a smile wide on his face while he put the autographed picture of the Hotshots cast into a wallet to keep it safe. "I can't wait to see you; we can talk without it lagging."

Buck takes a deep breath.

"Buck's not coming, LA won't survive if we both are off work."

Buck takes the butter off the heat, starts mixing in the sugar.

"I was talking it over with Grandpa, and we can go to the aquarium while I'm there. I'll even get to cheer you on in your chess match."

Chris groans. "You don't cheer during chess matches, dad, you have to be quiet."

Eddie laughs, and Buck needs to savor that sound. Needs to bottle up the sound of his best friend, and the kid he loves to the moon and back, teasing each other because he doesn't know how long he'll have this for. "Well, okay, you'll just have to teach me what to do, Mijo. I've never been to a chess match before."

The flour comes out of the microwave and Buck mixes that in, the soothing fold-fold-fold making his raging heart beat easier to ignore.

"You've never played chess before," Chris teases.

Buck spares a glance at Eddie, and he's fondly smiling at the tablet, and he says, "Well, you'll have to teach that too. Need to understand how you're winning, kid."

Buck is trying his best to be happy for Eddie, desperately putting his issues to the side, he hasn't even mentioned Tommy with all the baking he's been doing.

Eddie, graciously, hasn't mentioned how Buck has gone back to how he was the exact week after Tommy dumped him.

Or perhaps Eddie hasn't noticed with all the preparation and the legal jargon and clearing out everything to make the house look pretty for viewings, and Buck-

Buck really wants to talk to someone.

Eddie's leaving, Bobby is busy building a house, Hen, Maddie, Chimney-

Everyone's moving forward towards something happier. And Buck's stuck trying not to tie his best friend to a city with his sad puppy dog eyes and a pout, all while missing his ex so much that focusing on Eddie leaving drowns out that pain and fills it with something different.

"Buck?"

Buck jumps, dropping his spatula into the bowl. "Huh? W-What's-"

"Chris hung up, he's got school tomorrow."

Buck picks his spatula up, continues mixing his cookie dough. It's as he folds a third time that he notices he forgot the chocolate chips.

"More cookies?"

Buck forces a smile on his face, ignores the floundering puttering in his heart that tells him he needs to call someone before this becomes unsustainable. Baking isn't distracting him, it's not-

He wants Eddie to stay, he wants Chris to come home, he wants a barbecue in Bobby's backyard with his family-

He wants to call Tommy.

"It's for the viewing tomorrow," Buck says, proud of how even his voice sounds, how it doesn't even sound like a lie.

Eddie sidles up to the counter, looking into the bowl. "You don't have to try buttering up potential buyers with sugary goods. I know you set a precedent for the first one, but I don't want you to feel like you have to."

Buck puts the bowl and spatula down and bumps his hip into Eddie's as he starts greasing up the pan. "If I sweeten them up, maybe they'll actually buy, and you can leave quicker."

The free-sounding tease is easy, it's easy to fake, it's been easy to fake since that day he picked up the tablet and saw the houses. It's been easy to fake since Tommy dumped him, and he had to crawl out of his home and go to work and look somewhat put together, so no-one was scared on their calls. It's been easy to fake since Abby left him at the airport, and with a home that wasn't quite his, and an uneasy feeling in his heart that she wasn't coming back. It's been easy to fake since he was sixteen years old, and Maddie was leaving and-

Maddie, Abby, Tommy, Eddie.

People leave, and that's okay, and it's selfish to force them to stay. No matter how much he wished they would choose to stay.

Buck scoops out a glob of dough and drops it onto his pan.

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Okay, bud, I'm gonna have a beer while you finish with...that."

Buck sets up the mixer to bake a cake after he puts the cookies in the oven.

---

Buck drops Eddie off at the airport and spirals.

The goodbye wave feels robotic, despite knowing that Eddie will be back in a week, even if it's just to start packing up his life to move it hours away. His phone sits in the dock on the dash, and Buck-

Buck doesn't have anything to distract himself from the yawning emptiness inside him.

Nothing to put his mind to, nothing to focus on, just a whole lot of nothing.

The nothing that has been eating away at every positive thought and coping skill he'd put into trying to ignore how much he missed Tommy. The way Tommy would rub his arm and pull him in for a hug when he was feeling low. How Tommy would sarcastically tease him when his anxiety spiked, until Buck couldn't even remember he'd been anxious. How they could sit in silence and not have to chat, and it was just peaceful, and it put Buck at ease, and Tommy wouldn't even mention when Buck's leg started tapping, he'd just put a hand on Buck's knee and lean his weight into-

Fuck.

Tommy would have been a rock through this, platitudes about Eddie not being dead, stop panicking. "I can fly a helicopter, babe, just say the word and you can visit."

Except, Tommy isn't his rock anymore. He's a hurricane that has Buck unmoored and swirling in an abyss of panic and loneliness and, fuck, shit, fuck, Buck has to talk to someone. Or bake something. Or go to the middle of nowhere, with no reception, and scream at the sky.

Everyone's busy. Eddie's on a plane. No-one...he has-

"Buck?"

Buck jolts, staring down at the phone now in his hand, Tommy's face filling the screen, his nose scrunched and looking confused, concerned and cold all in one expression.

So closed off.

"I-I didn't mean to call," Buck whispers, his voice weak and thready even to his own ears. "Hi. Uh, I'll just, uh, hang up."

Except Buck doesn't, he stares at Tommy and feels his heart stutter.

Tommy raises an eyebrow, and Buck watches the cold melt off Tommy's face, leaving only confusion and concern.

"What's happening, Buck?"

"I...just dropped Eddie off at the airport, and I'm sitting at the drop off spot in the taxi ranks, and-"

Tommy's confusion disappears, and his eyes soften, and he's openly concerned and it's like a knife in Buck's chest.

Buck lets out a hoarse laugh. "I've held it in for weeks, not calling, and my best friend leaves and it's like I can't help it- Jesus." Buck runs a hand down his face, he feels like a mess.

"Why did you call me, Buck?"

Because it was habit for six months straight, because every time Buck's been sad since the breakup he's had to physically remove himself from his phone to stop himself from calling Tommy, because Buck just wants to have Tommy as his, and he can't seem to move on despite everyone else seeming able to.

"Everyone else...is moving forward, making families and living their lives, but I'm-"

Buck should hang up, forget about this, say 'sorry, bye asshole', and block Tommy's number once and for all.

Except-

"I'm stuck, stuck on that day in my loft, wondering what happened and how that occurred, and all I've wanted since the day it happened was to call you and fix it or-or, I don't know...I just feel so incomplete here. Unsatisfied. Nothing-nothing makes sense."

Buck rolls on.

"And Eddie told me not to call, so I didn't, except then Eddie decided he wanted to move to Texas and I couldn't be selfish and ask him to stay, so instead I've been helping him, helping him leave my life, because then at least I helped control it."

Buck chokes up.

"Because he's an adult with different priorities, and he can make his own decisions and it's my job as a friend to support him, and I guess you'd know that too if you still talked to him, or hey, maybe he would have stayed for you." He's fucking it up, finally got Tommy on the phone and rather than giving Tommy all the reasons they could work, and he should stay, he's dumping all his fears about Eddie leaving. "And I- I'm not making sense, I'm all over the place, this is not what I wanted to say at all, I had a whole speech about how I love you, and I deserved better, and-"

"Are you safe to drive?" Tommy asks, his voice cutting through Buck's monologue.

Buck bites his lip and nods his head. Of course, Tommy doesn't want to hear about his problems, they're broken up.

"Yeah, yeah, I..." Buck sniffs, wipes at his face despite it being dry, and forces a smile on his face. "I'm just a little sad, sorry for calling."

Tommy shakes his head, and he looks like he's in physical pain, and God, Buck feels like an asshole. He's so selfish, and he should have just thrown his phone out and got a new number after the breakup if he knew he was just going to trample over boundaries.

"No, don't be s- I mean, okay, okay. This sounds like- Eddie left? No, this is a conversation for in person," Tommy sounds just as confused and lost as Buck, which isn't nice, because Buck expects Tommy to be a rock, to be steady, to be- well, that went out the window the night they broke up.

"In person?" Buck wonders aloud.

Tommy hums, and his nose scrunches up, and he puts a finger to the bridge of his nose. The video feed is shaking like the phone in his hand is shaking. Buck swallows and waits for whatever emotional turmoil Tommy is experiencing to pass.

"Drive yourself to mine," Tommy orders.

Buck stares at the screen in shock. "W-What? Tommy, I- no, I-" A taxi starts honking their horn behind him.

"Mine," Tommy repeats, sure, and despite everything it makes that emptiness in Buck feel a little smaller, like Tommy is filling it with just the promise of a conversation. "Sounds like you need to get going. See you soon, Evan."

Tommy hangs up, and Buck spirals, but he starts the car anyway and drives to Tommy's with a spark of something in his chest.

[becausebuckley]

michelle's season 8 fic recs: week 40!

ALL FICS ON THIS LIST CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR 911 SEASON 8. for this week's spoiler-free buddie recs, click here!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading!

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

i hold heaven in my arms, if only for tonight | my_hopeless_opus | 2.9k | G

After the failure of Chris's birthday party in 8x01, Tommy leaves but Buck stays. Eddie begs him to leave but Buck refuses. the birthday party scene really just gives endless fic inspo, doesn't it? this is such perfect hurt/comfort i've read it three times already <3

it felt like home somehow | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 1.3k | G

Buck spirals a little after the Gerrard incident, and Eddie doesn't let him hide the fact that eddie's voice was loudest in buck's head has not let go of me yet and i fear it never will. such a wonderful add-on!!

juggling infinity the best that i can | ipretendtobesane/@userbuddie| 1.6k| G

after christopher's birthday party, buck helps eddie clean up (8x01 coda). it's the emotional infidelity for me <3 lovely lovely coda!!

play pretend (it's not that hard) | pinkpeachtea | 2.4k | G

Buck and Bobby are talking on their way to LAX. Oh, and Brad is there too. Unfortunately. i will not lie season 8 has been great so far but brad torrence is by far my favourite addition. this captures both the bobby & brad and the bobby & buck dynamic perfectly!!

[kenneth-black]

Looking at Buck like this when his boyfriend is sitting right next to him…Eddie truly does not gaf lmao 😭

[thank you to the incredible @songbvrd for removing the boils from my pookie’s face 🥹]

[jackwhiteprophetic]

I think it's very likely we get a situation where Eddie is trapped/missing on a call and Gerrard threatens Buck with his job if he goes back to save him. Obviously Buck goes back.

[imakatperson22]

I got this idea from a mlm romance novel I read but hear me out:

Eddie stops by at Tia Pepa’s while Abuela is staying with her visiting LA. He just came by really quick to drop something off or maybe pick something up that he left there.

While he’s in the house, he can overhear Abuela on the phone with someone in the next room saying things like…

“Make sure you go down to that place on Century to get the masa harina not the stuff in the grocery store…”

And

“Let the mole simmer maybe 20 minutes?”

And

“This is why grandmothers always want their grandsons to marry someone nice. Someone to look after them and make them good food. They usually can’t do it for themselves. You’ll make him some nice tamales!”

And Eddie doesn’t think anything of it, probably just Abuela giving some young girl from church advice… until he gets home. Buck is in the kitchen with Chris and there’s tamales in a steamer basket and Eddie realizes Abuela was on the phone with Buck and she was telling him how to make tamales.

That’s when it hits him like a freight train.

[makorragal-312]

I can see it now...

Now that Chris is gone and his relationships with Marisol and Kim are over, Eddie is struggling to keep himself together and decides to stop dating while also trying to figure himself out after everything that happened.

All the while, Buck constantly checks in on him to make sure he's alright and even goes as far as to stay over at his place so that he doesn't wake up by himself. And now that Gerrard is captain and is making their shifts miserable, that becomes a common occurrence. And around the same time, Buck and Tommy are going through a rough patch because of him cancelling plans to check on Eddie and how Tommy wants Buck to act around Gerrard, which ultimately leads to them breaking up.

Then down the line, Eddie and Buck start to become closer than ever and Eddie comes to the conclusion that his relationships never worked out because he was trying to make a family with the wrong person when the whole time, he already had a family with the right person, which was Buck. At the same time, Buck starts to catch feelings for Eddie but is afraid to act on them partly out of fear and mainly because he doesn't want to take advantage of him when he's still missing Chris.

But eventually, Eddie just goes "fuck it" and finally kisses Buck, who has no qualms about kissing him back...

...and then, Chris walks through the door.

[eddiestightywhities]

After Buck has sex with Tommy—and then after Tommy breaks up with Buck—Buck cannot stop looking at men's hands.

It's because he now knows the way men's hands look on him.

So he's just, like, out here in the world now, involuntarily checking out every damn pair of hands on every damn guy around him—well, other than Bobby's and Chim's hands, of course. Because, y'know, they're Bobby and Chim; they're his family, and that would just be weird.

That's why he gets pretty freaked out when he finds himself checking out Eddie's hands. Because, hey, Eddie's family too, right? So why doesn't Buck feel just as weird about noticing how unbearably pretty Eddie's hands are? Why can't he stop glancing at them and seeing just how damn capable they are? Why can't he ignore how golden brown they are? Why does he have to constantly be thinking about how caring they are? Why doesn't he baulk when he watches them close around a firehose or a bottle of beer? Why can't he help but clock the way they touch Eddie's face so often? Why is he now picturing them touching his face all the time? Why can't he unsee how fucking big they are? Why does he suddenly and very desperately need to know how they'd look gripping his—oh.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

[bobbycapnash]

POV: Your camera roll while dating Bobby Nash