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blueathens · 2 years ago

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(Please Don’t) Let Me Drown - Agape

ACT THREE, CHAPTER TWO

SONG: How To Save A Life by The Fray QUOTE: “Some firefighter you are, aren’t you meant to be doing the saving? We could die out here.”

TW: Drowning, Slight Mention of Suicide,

A/N: Not read through or checked!

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Masterlist//Agape Masterlist

Drowning: When victims eventually submerge, they hold their breath for as long as possible, typically 30 to 90 seconds. After that, they inhale some water, splutter, cough, and inhale more. Survivors say there is a feeling of tearing and burning sensation in the chest as water goes down into the airway. Then that sort of slips into a feeling of calmness and tranquillity. That calmness represents the beginnings of the loss of consciousness from oxygen deprivation, which eventually results in the heart stopping and brain’s death.

Kasey was drowning, and it wasn’t at all like the stories.

She remembers one of her old mates – Trey Malik – trying to explain what drowning felt like after he experienced it mere minutes ago, she recalls her army jacket around his shoulders providing him warmth after she dragged him out from the river, she recollects the memory of his shivering body and she remembers watching him instead of holding him, he didn’t want to be held, he insisted on being okay, he just needed a moment to catch his breath then they could continue their mission. He was the one who started the conversation, she knew she didn’t want to hear it, but he didn’t stop, he told her it was important for her to know, important for her to listen to the experience so she knows how to get herself out of it if the time came.

She remembers laughing at that, stating that she will never get herself in that position.

She wasn’t going to drown.

She is even reminded of making a passing joke of how he didn’t get out by himself, she did, she helped him. So if she ever got herself in a position where she was drowning, then the only way to be saved is by someone else.

Trey shrugged his shoulders and mutters a “you never know�� before telling her everything he experienced not long ago.

Instead of hearing of a horror story, she was enlightened by a tale that almost came across as a love song towards drowning, Kasey even recognises a sense of comfort washing over his face, one that someone would have when reliving a childhood memory, but instead he was talking about drowning, talked about it as if it was an old friend that gave him such a loving hug, a hug that he has desired for so long, a hug he just needed.

Kasey thinks that was the first time she has ever felt such a bubble of sadness coming from Trey, she recalls feeling closer to him at that moment as she too carried such a heavy heart of sadness that any danger that came her way, she would greet it as if it was a friend, but hearing Trey like that made her hate the world more, because why on earth would our planet be so cruel to such a lovely, good person? He doesn’t deserve to hold such sadness, he didn’t deserve to be out here away from those he cares for, he didn’t deserve to find comfort within drowning.

He didn’t deserve that.

And that made Kasey hate the world more, and it made her want to hug him and take him to a different world, far from this one, a world where he can find peace within the cool air on a spring’s morning, it’s what he deserved at least.

But he didn’t want that, she knew that by the way he talked, by the way he looked, he didn’t want to be saved, perhaps he couldn’t be saved, or maybe he just wasn’t ready yet and when he was then the only one who could help him would be himself.

And that was difficult for Kasey to process, and she thinks she never will truly process it because to her, she can save people, she can help, but Trey was never the person she could, and that’s just a fact that she thinks she’ll never come to terms with.

Perhaps it was a childish thought of Kasey’s to think that she could save everyone, and that saving them would even make her feel better about herself because maybe it’s too late for her to save herself, but it’s not too late to save everyone else.

And it’s stupid, she knows this, she knows it because she’s always the one saving everyone yet there will never be someone to save her…she’s the second choice, maybe not even that, maybe not even the third choice. But Kasey has to save everyone, she just has to, but when she needs saving then no one has to save her, no one chooses to save her, and then she gets to the point where it’s too late to be saved, and she just simply gives up, but to everyone she seems selfish even though she never got anything in return.

She always carried this thought that she was replaceable, that if someone wanted to, they could throw her away like a dead flower, that once stood tall and blossomed under the sunlight, but now only fallen petals remained, and who would even want to keep a wilting flower when there was a sweeter one just outside?

She overthinks it a lot, she overthinks how replaceable she is, and how most of her friends would now walk past her and not give her a second look because to them, she was just a stranger, but to her, she was the stranger that carried all the memories.

She wondered if Trey ever felt the way she did, maybe just once, maybe the currents made him feel wanted, maybe he felt unreplaceable within it, perhaps, just for a moment, he did feel okay, and he was truly telling her how lovely it was. Kasey pondered on this idea, but to her, nothing, absolutely nothing, could make her think drowning could possibly be relaxing.

And if Trey did truly think this, then Kasey began to hate the world even more.

He told her drowning was more peaceful than he could ever imagine, he said maybe he thought that as anything could be more peaceful than fighting in a war, he enjoyed the tranquil silence and the feeling that he was floating on clouds. For a moment he thought he was being gently lifted to the gates of heaven, he thought it was his time to go, and he even thought that drowning wasn’t the worst possible way to go.

Trey found it peaceful, but Kasey was in so much pain.

She was panicking. She barely could see anything in front of her. The water felt like it was suffocating her, filling her lungs and her throat, and causing her to choke. She couldn’t tell if her eyes were open or not, the confusing and disoriented of shattered light through water that shouldn’t be here – that shouldn’t be washing through the city – it shouldn’t be here – if it was where it was supposed to be then Kasey would be able to breathe, to see, to know where she was. But she couldn’t.

Kasey couldn’t breathe. Kasey couldn’t see. And Kasey couldn’t tell which way was up and which way was down.

Her body grew tired of fighting the currents.

Trey told her it was comforting.

But Kasey could recall watching Trey panic before he stilled, and perhaps he didn’t remember that moment, doesn’t remember her fighting against the currents to reach him as she watches him thrash around, yelling, screaming her name. Maybe he didn’t remember that, maybe he didn’t want to remember it, perhaps he just wanted to remember the moment of calmness before you drown. Where you no longer kick or scream, and your lungs don’t have that agonising and burning pain where it feels like it will explode in any second. Where your mind goes blank and there’s just this gentle humming left in your ears – and it’s almost like the lullaby your mother would hum to get you to sleep, it almost becomes…nice.

Comforting.

It feels like a much-needed hug. That too is comforting.

Perhaps this is what death is like, Kasey wondered, perhaps after all of this chaos, death is just around the corner to hand you that certain comfort you have been lacking your entire life. But if this was dying, then why didn’t she see her life flash before her eyes? And why does she feel something other than the cold water that was swallowing her up?

Why could she feel a hand gripping her shirt tightly before pulling her up with them, and the moment her face breaks the surface she takes her first real breath since being under.

She coughed, choked, and spat out filthy, salty water. Her eyes brunt as she repeatedly blinked, once her vision cleared up slightly she noticed the familiar features that belonged to no other but her brother. He was gripping onto the side of a fire truck whilst also holding her as tight as he could – if anything he was holding onto Kasey more than he was gripping the side of the truck, because if he had to lose something it would be the surface of safety and not his sister – he won’t let her go.

Despite the burn within her eyes, she noticed her twin’s struggle, and with numb limbs she pushes herself forwards to also grip onto the side of the truck. TK’s other hand moved to hold the truck too as he pulls himself up, watching as Kasey did so too before collapsing the moment her body made contact with the top of the vehicle. She may not have been drowning under the currents anymore, but it sure did feel like she was drowning on top of this fire truck, she still felt trapped, still unable to do something as simple as breathing. And now instead of hearing a near comforting hum, she hears TK screaming her name before everything went dark.

Once Kasey asked Trey if there was anyone waiting for him at home, waiting on news of his return, or perhaps praying they’ll never get that letter along with a military officer and a Champlin at their doorsteps. He told her that he has a dog waiting on his return, and his father, and he hopes his older brother too, he said they had a complicated relationship, and that was all there was to it, he even said his grandmother would be waiting.

She asked what was the name of his dog, he responded with “Goldfish,” and Kasey remembers chuckling softly at that.

Trey asked if there was anyone waiting for her and Kasey wished she could say yes, but the sad fact was that she couldn’t, she didn’t have anyone.

She fell out with her family before coming here, her own mother never cared much for her, her twin brother, she believed resented her, her father was always doing his own thing, she doesn’t think he would be waiting, she wasn’t a good enough daughter for someone to wait at home for. And along with her twin brother, she knows her best friend hated her, he wouldn’t be waiting for, god he probably be wishing for her not to return. She’s exhausting, she knows this, and she even thinks that she doesn’t want to return home either, she’s too troubled, she can’t be saved, she didn’t have anyone, and she couldn’t hurt them anymore…

After a long silence, she told them him no – then she gave her small explanation after seeing his curious eyes, she didn’t say much, she never did, she never could, but still she tried.

Trey told her none of it was her fault, and she could never believe him, not then and not now.

Sometimes she could still feel the hug Trey gave her after that, Kasey hasn’t felt that vulnerable before, not for a long time at least, nor has she been held so lovingly, so comfortingly, in such a long time. Kasey thought she was going to break down in his arms, but she didn’t, but she knew she could’ve though.

Kasey wondered if that was what drowning felt for Trey, but instead of drowning within water, she was drowning within a hug.

It was peaceful.

It was comforting.

And it was nice.

Kasey began to slowly wake up, her head in TK’s lap as he combs his fingers through her hair. Her first thought was trying to remember where she was, but that all came back in flashes. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes, before opening them once more to see TK’s chin. She then wondered if anyone else she knew got caught up in this, and if they did, were they okay?

Maybe it was a good thing that she didn’t know that Buck and Christopher wasn’t so far away, them too stuck on a fire truck as they helped casualties on board. Cause if she knew then she would have forced her tired body to search for them, to help them, to make sure they were okay.

Kasey would have to make sure they were safe because they were her fam–

Kasey sat up, taking in her surroundings to only notice that there were a few more people on board, all frightened and cold and TK gave her a worrying look, a look that almost begged her to do something, to save them, to just have a plan. But for once, Kasey had nothing as she looked out and around the flooded city, seeing nothing but water and broken homes and objects.

“You helped them?” Kasey muttered as she continued to look out.

“Yeah,” TK whispers. “You were out for a bit so had to improvise.”

“Sorry,” she whispers back.

She feels his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently as if he ushering her to look at him, and she does, she turns her head, looking over her shoulder with glassy, down, eyes.

“You have nothing to be sor–”

“Your brother said you’re around here. And that he’s a firefighter out in Texas. He mentioned that you were highly ranked in the military…suppose you have the best water training round here?” Kasey hums as her arm covers her face, blocking the sun as she looks at the man who spoke up.

“Did he now?” She purses her lips. “Suppose he mentioned I’m a firefighter too?” The man nods. “Cool.”

“So what do we do?” The man looks around at the other casualties.

“Nothing,” Kasey mumbles, “we can’t do anything – we’ll just have to wait for someone to come and rescue us.”

The man scoffed. “Some firefighter you are, aren’t you meant to be doing the saving? We could die out here.”

Kasey turns around, brows raised, studying the man, hand pressed against her hip, “Oh, I’m sorry Gary, I’ll just whip out the boat I’ve been carrying in my pocket all day and drive you all home in time for dinner.”

He scowled at her. “It’s Raphaël–”

“Some will be in much worst conditions than us, at least we’re safe, that’s what is important, no?” Kasey turns to look back out at the city filled with water. “I’ll try and find a way to get rescued quicker but can’t make no promises here.”

“Kas…” TK’s gentle voice came from behind, his hand squeezing her elbow gently, “you’re bleeding.” As if those words triggered some part in her brain, she feels a sudden sharpness coming from under her shirt, lifting it up she glances at the bruises littering her abdominal and an awful, long cut beginning from the top of her ribs down to her waist.

“I’m fine,” she insists, and she thoughts of this to be true, she’s had worst, and she continued as if it was nothing before, so to her this was fine, all of this was fine, she just wanted to go back to her home – well outside of her apartment, in her car, and just fall asleep…

…she just wanted some peace again.

Kasey lays down to peer over the truck, hands coming into contact with the open window, her fingers pressed against the inside framing and the metal framing of the inside to pull her further over so she can have a better look of the inside of the truck they were on. “You think the radio works?” She questions her brother who she knew was standing right by her, silently watching her body tense from the pain of moving around.

“Probably damaged from the water,” TK responds, ushering Kasey to stand as he hears her quietly groan from moving once again. “You’re going to tire yourself out, Kas, just stop for a moment, please.”

Kasey grimaces as she comes to a stand, “I just want to get us all out of here.”

“I know you do – but hurting yourself more in the process isn’t going to help anyone.”

Kasey thought she was seeing things at first when she saw TK’s right hand shake before he reached out to hold the top of her shoulder, she truly did thought her eyes were tricking her, but with the fear and worry twisted in his eyes, Kasey knew she wasn’t.

He wasn’t scared of her, she knew this, but for her? Yes.

He acted as if she was a fragile piece of artwork that’s been locked behind glass for centuries and now he’s the first to touch it, and he doesn’t even know if a simple brush of his fingers would have it crumbling, but Kasey wasn’t going to break, she knew this, she wasn’t damaged, she wasn’t going to crumble.

Kasey could hold herself longer now, she wasn’t nineteen anymore, she wasn’t nineteen who clung onto Trey Malik as if was the embodiment of air, the reason she could finally breathe again, she wasn’t nineteen no more who was desperate to be held.

Touch wasn’t a weakness for her no more, she gets held on many of occasions, Buck and Kit were the main sources of it, they were big huggers, always have been, physical touch has always been their thing and not fearing their touch proved to the young firefighter that she wasn’t desperate for it anymore, she was held enough to not whimper at the feeling of such comforting warmth no more.

But TK’s always been like this with her, of course they used to play wrestle when they were younger, pull one another’s hairs, the reason for some of the scars on their body after one pushed the other too hard off from the sofa causing the other to be in A&E. But still TK’s always had an element of softness with her, admitting once it’s because he doesn’t want to cause any harm to her, he tolerated a form of guilt growing up whenever he found her quietly ruffling through the medical basket (from the top of their fridge) late at night in their teen years, and he always ushered her to sit on the counter as he helped with the injuries she carried home with her that night, always being the one who has to listen to her holding back the cries of pain when his fingers brushes over a wound accidently, or whenever he began to stich her up as she insisted for no hospitals – she hates them – and that they can do it at home.

He was the one who usually saw her injured, and he was the one who stayed up until she came home just to help her, listening to her apologies for thinking she woke him again, when really she never did, he just awaits for her to make sure she returns home safely, even at his worst he still continued to make sure she came home. And then there was the guilt, the guilt that he gained growing up, watching her flinch at loud noises, especially from arguments, the way her body tensed whenever he tried to help with her injuries as that was the only way she could silently express her pain without waking anyone up, and he was the one who listened as she talked down on herself, thinking no one was there to hear, but he always did, he always would.

TK always wanted her to see him as something she could cling onto whenever she felt like the world was against her once again, but as they become older he knew he was barely that for her, in fact no one was that for her, but she was always that person for everyone else, especially for him.

And every day, TK wishes that Kasey one day finds someone who would happily sit in the dark with her, hand holding hers, as they distract her with random facts or how their day was, and only moves to turn on that switch to guide her out from the dark and welcoming her back into the light.

TK thinks she’s secretly back in the dark, actually he knows she was, and it’s sad to think that she still hasn’t find a comfort person yet – someone who will just help her when she’s down, to let her know she was enough, to just hold her.

TK was guilty when it came to Kasey, he wished they had a better life together, they deserved it, well he would like to think that they did, they were – are – good people, and that’s got to count for something, right? TK has questioned time from time if, in another parallel universe, they got the life they deserve, that they got to be the siblings they should have been, not the ones that were too damaged, not those ones, but the ones who were just happy, the ones who lived nearer together just so they could meet up easier.

Perhaps in that other life they be working together, living that dream they had when they were so young. Perhaps everything was okay in their lives, and they got to be the siblings they deserved to be in this life.

TK knew one day though he wouldn’t be so guilty, he knew those injuries he helped to cover up weren’t his fault, but at times whenever he accidently pressed too hard against a bruise or something then his stomach would twist, and he would be overcome with a sudden sickness all because he was reminded with the fact that he could never protect Kasey.

He thinks that’s what he was most guilty for, in the end it was never about the accidental touches of aiding her injuries, it was always the fact that he could never protect her, Kasey was always doing her own thing, she was always in some form of trouble, she was always someplace else, she was out of his reach, and TK couldn’t ever protect her like he wished he could, but she did for him, and she always will.

But they weren’t kids no more, they were now nearing the age of twenty-five and now, TK wonders, now it could be the time he could protect Kasey, bring her out from the darkness, and to just let go of this guilt, and then maybe, just maybe they could be each other’s safety net, they would feel brave enough to come to each other whenever they needed to, maybe, just maybe, he could play the role of an older brother – older by only fifteen minutes – and just simply protect her, even if it just as simple as protecting her from herself, in the sense that she doesn’t hurt herself more, that she doesn’t do her thing where she doesn’t think of herself, that for once she could just take a moment, take a breath, and think on the situation with him.

Her hands once again found home on her hips, face scrunching as a finger graze the wound and she ignores the look TK gave her.

“Let me check it out–”

“God, I’m so glad I didn’t take my car here.” Kasey mutters, looking up to the sky, as she changes the subject. “Or I would–”

“Lose your house?” Kasey head snaps towards his smug appearance, eyes narrowing at him, and her mouth itches to respond; but she doesn’t. “I’m not wrong am I?”

“I will throw you overboard.”

“No you won’t,” TK smirks, “you’re too nice to do that. Besides,” he then raises his shoulders before dropping them just as quick, “you’ll miss me.”

Kasey hums before her eyes glances over at everyone else for a quick moment before she steps closer to her brother to quietly talk with him. “We got to try and find some rescue for them soon though, the first wave of a tsunami is never the worst,” her eyes flickers back over to the group, maybe about seven other people, all adults, “even if that means we’re our own rescue team.”

“Kasey, that’s to risky and in your condition–”

“Forget about my injury, I’ll live, okay? We can use the hose and the things around us to try and find somewhere better, perhaps find a proper rescue team or even a hospital.” She ran a hand through her hair. “We don’t know how long rescue will be, we don’t know how much more damage is out there, and whilst we’re at it we can rescue more people.”

“You said that the only thing we can do is wait.”

She sighs, “I only said that as I didn’t have time to think of anything else.”

Now TK sighs as he looks around desperately, hand holding the back of his head, and he balances out their options within his mind. “TK, it’s better if we move than sit around, we’re only getting colder here.”

“I know, I know.” He turns his head to now look at the group, they’re all sitting around close to one another to try and warm the other arm, but most were still shivering. “How long you think we got?”

“Until the second wave?” Kasey questions, and he nods, “I don’t know, man.” She now faces the group, making small movement to get closer to them. “Is anyone injured at all?” Kasey grimaces slightly that she hasn’t even asked them how they were yet.

“No one’s injured, Kas,” TK answered. “I asked whilst you were out and–” He stops when he notices a sudden rush in the water. No, no, no, no, not now, please not now, TK silently begs.

He thinks he hears Kasey tell people to get down, his mind was no longer here, he just thinks about the second wave, and the second wave only. He thinks he hears screams, and he thinks he hears Kasey trying to calm them down, but he doesn’t know what she says, instead his hand grabs the hose, pulls on it tightly and his eyes focuses on it unwrapping, he turns, gestures it towards Kasey who pulls on it too, ushering everyone to grab ahold of it, that maybe if they were lucky enough they would still be attached to this fire truck at the end of it.

There’s were screams as the second wave hit, it was nothing like the waves that lapped the shore every minute of every day. It was a wall of filthy, cold, and powerful water. The water had no gentle softness to it, instead it had no thought, no motion, and no hesitation as it destroys everything in it’s path just to hit their targets. Within moments, TK was breathing the air, and just as he took a deep breath he feels frigid foamy fingers grabbing a hold of him.

It was their dear old friend, the ocean.

The water was once a great fear of TK’s when he was younger, he thinks it started when he was three where his uncle thought it was a good idea to take him onto a waterslide. They went down a long, twisting concealed one but as they came to the end his uncle didn’t let him go, instead he pulled him right under the chemical water with him. TK doesn’t remember it fully, he just remembers a glimpse of a waterslide and a flash of memory that showed him under the pool’s water, and every now and then, when he was younger, he could feel that sudden tightness within his chest.

TK tried to stay away from the depths of water from then on, always panicking whenever his family tried to bring him into the pool with them, but he wasn’t having any of it.

He remembers a wedding at the age of five, and the same uncle who created his fear of water was teaching his sister how to surf in the far distance whilst he was with his mother taking photos, he recalls that she told him not to wander off, but he does so anyways, he walks down the pier, wanting to see how much panic the ocean can truly offer him, he was fine with just staring at it first, he then decided maybe to sit down in the opening between the two broken fences, but instead his foot somehow slipped and he fell into the water, his mother jumps in to save him within seconds, cause little TK didn’t know how to swim, nor did he know how to breathe under the sea.

At five, he learnt how much fear the ocean has to offer.

Up to the age of ten, TK would stay on the beach building sandcastles with his family, but his eyes were always distracted by his sister and his uncle out on the waves; surfing. His ears always listened to the way his father complained every day and how he wished Gwen’s brother didn’t teach Kasey on how to surf, he didn’t understand the problem, it wasn’t like Kasey was afraid of water so why would it be a problem if she enjoyed the feeling of the water crashing over her every time she fell off her surfboard? She seemed to be laughing each time her face breaks the surface and then off she went back onto her surfboard to catch another wave.

TK longed to surf with his sister, but he never did, not even when he overcame his fear, Owen truly wasn’t having it, he couldn’t have both kids learning to surf, he couldn’t let it happen again.

So at the age of seven TK stopped learning how to surf among the safety of the sands, he never took another board out from the stands and tried to learn, to mimic everything Kasey did out in the sea, his fingers never brushed the sands the same since seeing how furious his father was after TK stated he would surf with Kasey one day, he never thought about learning to surf one day again.

At the age of ten, TK learnt how to swim, Kasey was adamant about it, she said it was time for him to overcome his fears and learn how to swim because what if you fall in again and no one was there to save you? What would you do then? It was a brutal honest truth that TK never wanted to know, but deep down he knew he had to learn, had to overcome. Because what if he did one day fall into a body of water and there was no one around to save him? He wouldn’t know how to get out of that situation, he would be panicking more as he had no experience in even swimming.

One of Kasey’s friends had a pool in their back garden, it was quite odd to ten-year-old TK considering they lived in New York City, but he never questioned it. So, every Tuesday, after school, they would learn how to swim for an hour in Kasey’s friend pool whilst her friend was with Gwen learning the piano.

Once he reached his teenager years TK wasn’t afraid of water no longer, and he thought of himself as a confident swimmer too. But still, whenever they found themselves at the beach, TK stayed on the beach, becoming familiar with the sands once again whilst he watches his sister out on the waves, he did still wish to be out there with her, but his fingers never touched a board, no, because maybe he wasn’t afraid of water anymore but seeing how scared, how angry their father was whenever he hears about Kasey talking about surfing, made him never want to feel what it was like when the waves were beneath you.

“Buck!”

That was the first thing both Strands heard as they tried to come back to their surroundings, both could still feel the re-enforced plastic in their hands and they heard some groans around them, perhaps they were alright, perhaps everyone was able to stay –

“Buck!”

Kasey pulls herself across the top of the fire truck, fingers pressing against the side as she grimaces at the pressure against her injuries, once her head hit the small bump that was on the top of the fire truck, gesturing that she reached the side of it, she hesitantly looked over the top to see who was yelling such a familiar name.

Her heart was heavy, wishing it wasn’t someone she knew, but the name, the voice, it was so–

“Buck?!”

Kasey blinks as she narrows her eyes at the blurry figure in the water, a yellow stripped top she thinks they’re wearing and they’re resting against the side of what she would say, a wooden plank and –

Oh god.

Oh, no, no, no.

“Christopher!” Kasey yells, voice strained from her previous yells for everyone to get down, strained from the amount of water she thinks she accidently inhaled and –

“Christopher!” She calls again and she was on her feet, diving into the water with no hesitation. It was Eddie’s boy – it was Christopher – it was her sweet Christopher, and he was yelling for her best mate and–

The water was still deep in the area they were in, not yet washed out back to sea like she was hoping it would, so she fought against the water that was still rushing through the destruction and she doesn’t stop until she reaches a trunk of a tree that was surprisingly still standing tall, with a heavy breath she awaits for a second as the plank of wood Chris was keeping himself up with passes by, and when it did she quickly grabbed him and pulled him tightly towards her.

Her arms were firmly around him as she takes a step back, her right hand was cupping the back of his head and her eyes were furrowed shut as she just lets him cling onto her, his fingers twisting into the back of her shirt, gripping it tightly, afraid to just disappear again.

“I got you; I got you, love.” She rushes out. “You’re gonna be okay kid, I’ve got you now, I’ve got you.”

Christopher blinks into the shoulder of the women he was so familiar with, and his fingers pressing into her back even more at the realisation it’s her – he’s going to be okay as she’s got him now and oh my word it’s –

“Kasey?”

Oh, and how her stomach fell at the sound of his weak, tired, and quiet voice, no, god, no, why did he of all people had to be caught out in this.

“Oh, baby,” she utters gently, she now stands in the gap behind the tree, the water wasn’t so strong or deep there, so she was able to rest and look at Chris properly as she stood there whilst she thought on how to get them back to the fire truck. “What are you – where’s your glasses?”

“I-I,” he stutters, stumbling over every other word as he speaks with her, “I lost them. I lost Buck. He was helping and-and I fell…I lost Buck and–”

She hushes him gently, brushing his hair back with her hand before her hand falls to lay softly against his cheek where her thumb brushes away the fallen tears. “Oh, honey,” she frowns as she tries to act calm with him, but she wasn’t, she couldn’t be, Buck was out there too, and she has no idea if he was okay, and he would be worried sick because Chris wasn’t with him any longer and he wouldn’t know that Chris was safe – that he was with her now. “We’ll find Buck and your glasses, let’s just get you back to the truck.”

The water was still by the time she calmed Chris down by the tree and it meant she could take them back to the truck much easier than it would have been earlier.

“You remember TK, right Chris?” Kasey questioned as TK waved with a soft smile at the boy, throwing Kasey a worried glance, it didn’t cross TK’s mind that children would have been caught in this mess, not until he saw Eddie’s kid right in front of him, shivering in Kasey’s arms as she holds him, hands rubbing up and down his as she placed light kiss on top of his head every now and then.

Chris nods.

He remembers TK, he was Kasey’s older brother, by fifteen minutes if he remembers correctly from hearing them playfully arguing about it. TK shared a bag of sweets with him when they sat in the waiting room together whilst waiting on news about Kasey, he remembers that TK shared the same taste when it came to pick n’ mix, his father was asleep next to him, arms folded, and Chris never told him about the amount of sweets he ate that day as he listens to Owen’s – TK and Kasey’s father – stories about being a firefighter out in Texas.

So, of course he remembers the nice man that’s Kasey’s brother.

TK kneels down, hand reaching forwards to ruffle the younger boy’s curls. “What you doing out here, bud?”

“I was with Buck,” he tells TK in a quiet voice, “we went to the carnival on the pier and–”

“Buck’s here?” TK mouths to Kasey who just nods as she lays another kiss on top of Chris’ head, but she was quick to move away, tilting her head back as she let out a low hum at Chris shuffling back into her stomach, her eyes scrunches up and Chris was quick to turn around to try and find out what the fuss is about.

“Kasey,” his finger presses against her chin, next to the cut his eyes has just caught sight of. “You’re bleeding.” Kasey wanted to chuckle at his worriedness about her, she was glad he didn’t catch sight on the pain she was in and that he thought it was just a cut that caused her that sudden distress that caught his attention.

“It’s nothing, kiddo,” she didn’t know there was a cut on her chin until he pointed it out, perhaps she got it when she pulled herself across the roof of the truck, perhaps it was just a graze that was only slightly bloody.

“You need a plaster.”

“I tell you what,” she begins as she adjusts him in her lap, moving him slightly away from the ache in her left leg and more onto her right leg, one of his arms where around her shoulder, fingers brushing the back of her neck, and his other hand was in his lap. “When we get to some land you can find me the best plaster for the graze.” Chris nods.

“Spider-Man ones?”

“I think that be well cool!” She grins and TK smiles as she watches the interaction in front of him. “TK?” Her brother hums. “We got to start moving, the water should be shallow enough for us to walk through now.”

“What if there’s another wave?”

“We’ll just have to hope for the best that’s this is it.”

TK nods, standing up from his crouching position to rub his hands against the wet material of his jeans before he leans forwards to pick Chris off from Kasey for a moment whilst she tells everyone that it be best if they move and try and find some help, after some glances shared between them Kasey states that they could stay on the truck if they wanted and when she finds help she’ll try and send them their way, but it be quite risky to stay on a truck that’s practically flooded.

She jumps down from the truck and into the water below, taking Chris out from TK’s arms as she brings him down into the water too, but instead of letting him go, she adjusts him into a more comfortable position for her to carry him.

TK, along with the other’s, jump down from the truck too and collectively follow the Strands and the kid on their mission to find some help.

“Perhaps we can go to the zoo together one day,” TK speaks up after walking in silence for a little too long for his liking.

“The zoo?” Kasey raises a brow at her brother who just responses with a huge grin.

“Yeah!” He’s got a sudden spring in his step. “Both of our families – you know the 126 and the 118, that cop,” TK clicks his finger as he tries to think of her name. “Athena! Athena can come and Chris obviously be coming with us and–”

“And your cop boyfriend?” Kasey smirks, forging a pain of hurt as TK slaps her shoulder, the one that was closest to him, but furthest from Christopher.

“Not my boyfriend,” TK mutters, the spring leaving his step, as he folds his arms across his chest, pouting ever so slightly.

Kasey only hums, corner of her mouth still tugged up.

“I like the zoo,” Chris jumps into the conversation.

“Oh, yeah?” TK holds his hands behind his back, his right hand wrapping round his left wrist whilst his attention is on the boy in Kasey’s arms. If he didn’t know her, he would have thought they were mother and son, that thought alone brought a kind look onto his face as he thought about one day the pair of them will find someone who loves them, and perhaps they’ll have kids with their significant others, however that be, and they would have those family days that they never got growing up, that one day they could actually be a family they deserved, start again now that Kasey was in LA and he’s started a new life in Texas – perhaps this is life giving them another chance, another go at life.

Another warm thought bubbles within TK, and that was the thought of the boy in Kasey’s arms becoming his family too, he hears the way Kasey talks about the Diaz’s, he sees how happy they have made her and how much they helped her too, and of course there was Buck, her LA best friend, but he was just like another brother to her, but Eddie – my god, Kasey deserves to have someone good like Eddie, she really does, and TK could only hope that the universe just gives her the best.

He's seen the way Eddie looks at her too, of course TK seen it, even a blind person could sense the way Eddie feels about Kasey, and usually TK would get slightly concerned whenever guys are interested in his sister due to her never having good past relationships, but Eddie, he would know she be safe with him, that she’ll be okay, that’s she’ll be happy, and god did she deserve that.

So, maybe one day, if the universe isn’t so mean, the Diaz’s will become very familiar to him and his own father, and perhaps they’ll have those BBQ nights whenever they’re down in Texas or LA. And everyone they see as family joins too, and the kids are at the end of the garden playing some imaginary game and the adults are laughing.

And they’re all just happy.

Maybe, just maybe, they get the things they deserve, because they’re all good people, and that gotta mean they deserve something good at least, right?

“What’s your favourite animal?” He questions and Chris thinks for a little while before answering –

“Lions? I like lions.”

“They’re pretty cool, aren’t they kiddo?” Kasey says as she takes in her surroundings once more, making sure she’s a step ahead of everyone just in case anything happens then she be the first to discover it.

Whilst Chris told them a little fact about lions, TK nudged Kasey’s arm before leaning closer to whisper: “why are we heading more towards the pier?”

Kasey felt her eyes widen, quickly turning her head to look at her brother. She didn’t think he’ll notice, in fact she didn’t think he’ll even know the area they were heading towards, but he did.

“We’re not going there directly–” She sighs, “I just need to see if there’s any sighting of Buck…” Kasey looks back at Chris with a fake, relaxed smile, “you said lions starts off spotty?” He nods. “I think that makes them even cooler. You know, Chris, I think you’re just like a lion – you’re really brave. The bravest person I know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah – I’m real glad your dad joined the 118, or I wouldn’t have met the coolest, bravest person out there.”

Christopher smiles brightly before burying his face into Kasey shoulder as he hugs her tightly, “I’m really glad too.”

Kasey was surprised by not stumbling across anyone else, she wonders if rescue has been close by and that everyone else has been rescued within the area, perhaps they just missed a rescue boat, but Kasey hasn’t heard no engine, or any noise expect their movements through the waters and the quiet chatter amongst the group.

She thought all was rescued till she heard a scream for help coming from a building to the right up ahead, someone was trapped under some of the damage from the buildings and trees and Kasey purses her lips as she looked around quickly, checking that the area they were in was fine for everyone to wait within for a few seconds whilst she goes to help the person.

Coming to a quick judgement, she hands Christopher over to TK and Christopher almost calls for her, begging her not to go, to not leave him, he lost Buck the same way too, he can’t lose Kasey too.

Kasey brushes back his hair as she stands in front of the pair. “Hey, kiddo, you’re gonna be okay. I’ll just need to help that person over there,” she jerks her thumb behind her shoulder to the person who was crying for help. “And then I’ll be right back.” And with that she rushed – as quickly as she could with the waist-high water – towards the one in danger.

“Hey! Hey! I’m here to help,” she offers out a hand, “I’m firefighter Strand of the 118, I just need you to tell me if anything hurts whilst I take this weight of you, okay?” She heard a chocked out okay from them before she began to push and pull a mixture of debris off from the stranded person.

The water was raising.

No – no, not again, please not again.

She was pushing it off quicker now, and the second her hand grabbed the person underneath and pulled them up to their feet, the third wave came, and Kasey could hope that this was the last one as she pushes the stranger to the wall and held the pair of them for coverage.

Kasey was no stranger to metaphoric drowning; she was so used to her heart anchoring her down. Weighing her down to the point that she could no longer move. She was so used to the cold feeling, the loneliness, the pain, it all felt normal for her now.

Kasey knew most would be familiar with the sense of metaphoric drowning, but most usually were able to break the surface, catch their breath, learn how to breathe again. Kasey thinks she’s been under for too long now, she doesn’t think she’ll ever meet the light that dances across the surface.

Kasey would like to think that TK was beginning to learn how to breathe again after New York, and Kasey is thankful for it as TK deserved to rest, he deserved his happiness, he was a good person, he didn’t deserve to drown.

On his way to Texas, Kasey recalls a private phone call between the pair, it was short as she was on her shift, but in the call, TK begs her to come to Texas, to fix their family, to mend it, to rebuild it, he tells her he would have never gotten better for himself, he only did for her, dad, and mum, and he tells her, with the quietest of voices that he needed her, he needed his sister, and he begs for her to come live with them in Texas, they can live out their dream on being firefighters together, but Kasey told him no, she couldn’t, she may have an alright relationship with their father and a strong relationship with TK, but she knew if she ever lived with them then it would just destroy her more, her chances of ever seeing the surface would vanish in a blink of an eye and she would just have to befriend the ocean floor.

She could live with TK, she knew she could, and hearing his broken voice over the phone made her want to drop everything and come and live with him, but her and their father didn’t see eye-to-eye all of the time, they were better than her and Gwen, but that wasn’t enough, that wasn’t enough, none of it was enough – despite wanting to be there for TK, she knew living with them wasn’t going to do her no good, so she declined.

She told him she’ll visit when she can and she’ll always be in LA if he needed, and she suppose she just has to continue watching him live his life through the photographs he sends, and the calls he makes, and she’ll just have to watch him from the distance like she always have.

Maybe in another life they could have gotten what they deserved as siblings.

But in this one they grew up together with different memories and experiences from their childhood. The pair were prodigy children but love for Kasey has always been contingent. Unlike TK, who was seen as the child who could do no wrong, Kasey was the burnout child, the troublemaker, and she was just too difficult for them.

In her childhood bedroom there were many sport trophies in which TK, Kit, and Vanessa watched her win (most of them), Owen tried to watch her win as many as he possibly could and Gwen…well, when she came it was clear she never wanted to be there.

Kasey wore the title of ‘disappointment’ with the most honour though. It was a common word that was thrown at her, the phase “you won’t be anything” followed closely behind. And despite her telling everyone she was fine, no one would truly understand the weight of her families words. TK heard the fights, but that didn’t mean he understood the way Kasey felt about their family, he didn’t have to live up to their family expectations, and he didn��t have to listen to the constant reminders from their mum of how much she has sacrificed to get him there, and that everyone is counting on him – no, TK never knew what that side of the family was like, that was what Kasey always saw and heard. He heard the proudness, but she heard the disappointments, the “you’re just not good enough.”

TK was never the one who threw up before every game in his sophomore year, no, that was Kasey. Kasey, the one who had to sit in the car listening to her mum scream at her if she lost, or worst, they just sat in silence. Whenever Gwen came to watch Kasey play, coincidentally Kasey’s team lost, it was as if she was their bad luck charm, or perhaps it was the way she made Kasey so nervous to the point she couldn’t concentrate properly because she wanted to show her mum that she was good, that she wasn’t such a screw up, that she was good at something.

But no, whenever she came to watch they lost and it was always Kasey’s fault, the one who was to be blamed, and the one who gets told she wasn’t worth the trophies in her room.

Kasey never had a childhood, but she made sure TK did, she sacrificed everything just to make sure he didn’t ever see the side of their family she saw, that he was happy, that he’ll never experience the feeling of drowning. And she would do it again. She would. She would go though all the pain all over again as long as it ends with TK being happy.

But he would never remember that it was her who had to make microwave meals in the first few years after the divorce because Gwen was always busy with Enzo. Once she overheard that Gwen couldn’t stand being in the same house as her daughter, so Kasey took it upon herself to stay in her room for as long as possible just for TK to have the chance to have family dinners again with Gwen and now her new boyfriend, Enzo, and then when they were all in bed Kasey would eat the leftovers or find something else to eat.

She couldn’t let TK live the way she did, even as a young child she knew this, TK deserved a childhood and Kasey was fine with eating at the dining table alone every night.

Gwen blames Kasey for her and Owen’s divorce, despite it being the weight of the 9/11 incident mixed with some other personal problems, no, Kasey was apparently a massive factor in their divorce and Kasey remembers her father telling her that she could come live with him if she wanted, she would’ve said yes if it wasn’t for TK, but there was TK and she couldn’t leave him, she couldn’t do that to him, so she decided to stay – for him.

TK will never know that it was his younger sister that raised him for most of his childhood as their dad was grieving and their mum…was well, Gwen. But to TK, Kasey knew he would always remember their mum being there, and she was, in a way, she was there for him at least whenever she wasn’t around.

But TK does remember, he does remember some it, like how she was the one who taught him how to swim, when it really should have been one of their parents, but no it was his twin sister, and my god was he thankful for her.

He always has been thankful for her, even if he could never recall the extent she went for him at times due to the way she protected and shield him for that side of their family. But despite all this, Kasey knew that TK would remember the times she failed him, that she was the one to blame for him to understand the feeling of metaphoric drowning, she was the one who believed to be blamed for him starting drugs, and she was the one who left him…and that’s the main thing he’s going to remember, he wont remember how she accepted the abandonment from her mother just so TK could still have a mum, and he will never remember how Kasey sacrificed her life to make sure TK was happy. No, he’ll never know because Kasey will never tell him, she doesn’t want him to feel guilty as there was no reason to. But Kasey would do it again, she was his sister, she was meant to protect him, she felt lighter when she saw her brother happy – he deserves it, he’s a good person.

But the thing Kasey knew she’ll never be able to handle was the fact that out of everything, TK will remember how she left the most, he’ll memorise every detail of that night, and be able to relive it all the time. He’ll remember how she left, and he’ll remember how, like every disappointed child, she hid in her own shadow and drowned.

But even though she left, even though she carried the belief that TK hated her, Kasey will never know how many times TK fell asleep in her bed after she left. Kasey would never know how much TK talked to himself in her room, pretending she was there, telling her ghost that he missed her and to come back home.

She will never know that despite how she left, despite the fights, despite the disagreements, all TK ever wanted was for his little sister to come back.

Kasey never knew that even though he never responded, he kept every letter she ever sent him in those years they spent not seeing each other, in a shoebox under his bed, and how he would pull that shoebox out and re-read every letter that he was ever given by her, he even put in the letters he got from her throughout the years, even birthday cards, and he would read them all every night that she spent out at war.

All TK ever wanted was his little sister.

Now, she was under the water again, fighting against the current, and her eyes felt heavy, but she continued to fight. So fought like a maniac as she struggled to regain control, thrashing until her limbs gave out and the light above the surface drifted away, leaving her numb in the darkness. But even then, even when her body felt like giving up, she fought even more.

Finally, her face broke the surface, even if it was just for a second, she made sure to look around, the stranger wasn’t there no longer, the group wasn’t there, and nor was TK or Christopher. Kasey knew she was about to lose air again, she knew she was going to go under again, and Kasey knew she should focus on trying to get some air back into her lungs, but she couldn’t.

She couldn’t because how can someone catch another breath when all the air has just left your lungs the moment you realise two of the people you care most about wasn’t there?

TK and Christopher was no longer with her.

But somehow she gasped for her last breath of air before the icy-cold water flooded in; her throat burned as if a thousand needles had been plunged into it. But her gasp wasn’t truly her last breath, it was really her last scream as she called their names, but the heavy blanket around her swallowed that up and dulled her senses before embracing her into another tight, warm, suffocating hug.

Kasey was growing tired, she wanted to become a victim to the hug and just fall further into it.

Perhaps this is the peace Trey told her about, that you’ll truly feel all the pain leave your body and nothingness will fill your body as you just fall into the embrace that Poseidon gives you. You feel warmth from his sandy, bubbly, fingers, and you’ll feel yourself nodding along to him questioning you if you were ready to leave.

But at that question, Kasey found herself shaking her head, eyes still squeezed shut, but she attempted to wake her body up, even if it’s just for a few minutes just so she could swim up to the surface again. Because maybe Trey found comfort within Poseidon hold, but she didn’t, she wasn’t ready to go, not yet, and even if she was, she just couldn’t leave, not when TK and Chris needed her.

So she fought her way back to the surface with two things on her mind. She thought of TK. And she thought of Christopher. And that alone was enough for her to continue to fight.

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

“Hey – Hey, I’m looking for a TK – Tyler Kennedy Strand, and Evan Buckley and Christopher Diaz.” Kasey’s strained voice begs the woman in scrubs that stood in front of her. The tips of Kasey’s fingers were bloody, and she lightly touches one of the woman’s arms, body flinching at the realisation of what she just done.

The lady looks Kasey over with the bottom of her lip tucked in between her teeth. Kasey didn’t look so good, not with the cuts over her face and the blood-soaked t-shirt she was wearing. She questioned if Kasey even realised how badly injured she was, but perhaps the shirt being dark has hidden the truth from her and she was just now running on pure adrenaline. But Kasey knew, she knew how badly hurt she was, but she wasn’t going to let herself get looked at until she knew those people were safe, that they were alright.

Kasey takes a nervous step back at the look of worry the woman gave her.

“Ma’am you need to see–”

“Are they here?” Kasey stuttered out, hand moving to clutch her side as she felt a sudden rush of pain run through her as she impatiently waited for the woman to skim through the pages of her clipboard.

She shakes her head. “You may wanna check over there at the black tent.”

Kasey’s eyes shifts to look over the woman’s shoulder, gulping nervously.

“But we need to check you–”

“Isn’t that the–”

“The morgue.” Kasey’s unfinished question echoes through her ears, through her mind, through her heart for a little too long. She feels a sudden shakiness in her hand, and her legs began to feel weak, and Kasey thinks her vision is going, but none of that mattered, not with the haunting hum that runs through her body; her soul.

Kasey felt like she was drowning again, felt like she was wrapped in the currents once again. Her breathing halted and her throat twisted and squeezed every word she thought of.

Her stomach turned at the thought.

She gags at the sight of it, at the word of it, and at the thought of it.

Morgue.

Just that word made her feel like she was under again, that the bile in her mouth was the salt water that tried to suffocate her, and death still lingered at the back of her mind as she passed the woman, ignoring her calls for someone to come and help the injured woman.

Kasey paused a few meters away from the black tent.

She failed them.

She’s the reason that they could possibly be–

Kasey couldn’t save them.

With her blood-stained hands, she clasps them together and presses against her stomach where she’s sure her heart has fallen into.

It’s impossible. They couldn’t be dead – not her brother, her best friend, and not her–

She wasn’t there, she should’ve been there, she shouldn’t have left them, she should stayed.

She should’ve stayed.

She takes a step forward. And another. And another. She thinks she’s thirteen and half steps away from the tent before her feet stop moving, She just stands there staring at it.

“Kasey?” A voice pulls her out, and tiredly she turns to the call, “Kasey!” It was no longer a questioning tone, it was more a tone of worry, and her eyes were fluttering shut but the feeling of cold hands on her cheeks awoke her and she was now welcomed by the eyes of someone she’s known from childhood – TK. TK is here, TK’s alive and – oh, she looks over her shoulder to see her team staring at her worriedly as they stand around a tired-looking Buck with cuts across his face and is his hand bleeding? But Buck is alive too and–

“Chris? Where is he? I lost you – I wasn’t good–” Eddie feels Chris push him away slightly from the hold he was in before turning around and stumbling his way towards Kasey who rushes forwards, kneeling on the ground just to hold him.

She ignored all the pain that came with the movements.

“I’m sorry – I’m so sorry – I shouldn’t have left you – I should have been there – I should have been – I’m not going again, I’ll–” She stops when she fells Christopher hold onto her even tighter, it wasn’t like the time before when she was holding him as they walked through the water, he didn’t hold her like was scared she would disappear, he held her in the way one would hold a loved one once they returned home safe. Chris tucks his face more into the crook of Kasey’s neck and mumbles out a tired but relieved, “you’re okay.” And maybe the hug was painful, but it was worth it, it was worth it cause she has her little Diaz in her arms again and her lips pressed against his cheek, giving it a feather light kiss like a way a mother would kiss their child in comfort after they had a nightmare. “I’m so sorry,” she murmurs, voice hitching around the lump in her throat. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t find you, kiddo.”

Kasey remains kneeling on the concreate as she tucks a cold and damp Christopher closer to her chest. She rests her forehead against his cheek as she just breaths in the smell of the salt water that lingers on the curls of his hair. “I’m sorry – I’m so sorry – I didn’t – I–” Her voice shakes in distraught, but she is interrupted by Christopher little voice.

“You’re okay now kid, we’ve got you.” He mimics a phase he often hears around, and Kasey indeed felt like she will be okay as she holds him in her arms.

She holds him a little longer before she ushers him to go hold Buck for a bit more as she notices Eddie standing near, face unreadable as he stares at the pair. TK was now perched on a rock as he finally caught his breath, asking Bobby if he could borrow his phone to ring his dad.

Christopher moves towards Buck and Kasey moves to stand, grimacing slightly as she did so.

“Eds–” But the look on Eddie’s face cuts her off as he shakes his head before he gently pulls her in closer by her right wrist. His eyes searches her up and down, lingering slightly longer on her stomach. “I’m fine,” she utters, and Eddie doesn’t believe it, but he just wants to feel her, touch her, just do something to rest his racing mind and make himself believe that she is real, that she is alive.

He thought he lost both her and his son tonight, and he just finished holding his son and now he’s got to hold Kasey whilst Buck now holds Christopher to assure his mind that they’re fine – that they will be okay eventually.

But Kasey didn’t return for nearly fifteen minutes after TK and Chris, and as the time ticked the more his mind tried to convince him that Kasey truly was dead.

But she wasn’t, she was standing in front of him and all he wants to do is hold her and never let het go. All he wants to do is take both her and Christopher home and watch some stupid show on the TV as he just holds his son and best friend…

And now Eddie’s hand slides up the back of Kasey’s neck, her damp, knotted hair falling over it as his thumbs strokes the base of her head softly.

Kasey was here, Kasey was fine, and she was real.

His family was okay and now the one who held his heart in her palms was right in front of him, and without a thought crossing his mind his forehead rests against hers and their eyes fall shut as they embraced this, and now she was being pulled into his chest and her arms were wrapping round him, and oh god was Kasey happy that something other than the ocean was gripping her, holding her – protecting her.

Kasey didn’t think much of it either as his lips brushed the top of her head.

Her rocks them side-to-side and he feels a smaller body wrapping round his waist before he ushers the two of them to kneel to the ground, then he pulls Christopher into their hug. And for a small moment, they seemed like a family who just been caught in a natural disaster, that he was the relief husband that his wife and son has returned back to him, and sometimes that’s what it felt like, and right now it did feel like it, despite the natural disaster, Eddie couldn’t help but think about it.

His fingers grip onto them for dear life and he’s now mumbling that their okay, that he’s got them now, and they will be okay.

Buck was back on the phone (Athena’s phone) with Maddie whilst Hen and Chimney ushered him and TK (TK now finally getting ahold of Owen) into a tent to get checked out, Buck questioned about Kasey and Christopher and they insist that they’ll be okay, that Eddie’s got them now, and they will be just fine.

Kasey was sobbing now, she tried to hold it back, but feeling the safety around her she began to sob, and she knew Christopher was crying too as she felt his body shake in her arm and Eddie was certain he had tears quietly running down his own cheeks, but he didn’t bring much notice to it as he took care of the two in his arms.

Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever felt this stress, not till he experienced the last seventeen minutes where he found a badly-looking Buck with his son’s glasses telling him that he lost Christopher, to Christopher returning in the arms of TK Strand, only to face TK’s panic as he begs Eddie to tell him that Kasey was here and that she was okay, to him saying he hasn’t seen her, to thinking she was dead, until now holding her and Christopher in his arms as he thanks the universe for returning them all back alive.

Bobby takes a step forwards with a doctor next to him along with the worried woman in scrubs who Kasey met first. He clears his throat, hating to break it all up, but it only just came to his attention of how hurt Kasey seemed, and she needs to urgently be looked at.

“Eddie,” his voice is quiet to not alarm anyone, “Eddie, we’ve got to check them out, please.”

Eddie nods as he slowly lets them go. He raises to his feet and picks Christopher up with one arm. Christopher’s shattered body wrapped round Eddie’s left side, his head resting against his shoulder whilst Eddie moved to stand on one of Kasey’s side whilst Bobby came to assist the other side, they both caught her as she stumbled to stand, the pain overtaking her once again, and her mind finally was catching up with the wounds across her body.

“Can you stand?” Eddie asked.

Kasey nodded shakily, trying to pull herself up onto her feet. Just as soon as she managed to get upright, her knees buckled.

Eddie and Bobby catches her before she fell back to the ground, helping Kasey to stand back up. “S-sorry,” she stutters “I-I-I–”

“It’s okay, we’ve got you.”

When they entered the medical tent, Eddie insisted to be the one to look after Kasey whilst Buck took Christopher after whining softly that he needs to hold the kid again, and Eddie allowed him too, knowing he’ll be safe as Buck holds him whilst Chimney moves to check Christopher over.

Kasey unconsciously rested her head against the top of his as he kneeled slightly in front of her to gain access to her abdominal area. Her shirt was pushed up whilst Eddie gently disinfected the area, the wounds weren’t as bad as he thought they be, the bleeding had came to a stop a while ago he believes, and it was a good sign to see that she wouldn’t be needing any stitches either.

Eddie’s finger dances across the cleaned, and freshly bandaged wounds, his finger pauses at a scar just above the beginning of the white bandage, and he ponders over it, but he says nothing of it when Bobby taps his shoulder, presenting a clean shirt that he must have found.

“We’ll have fresher clothes at mine for her to get into after she showers.” Bobby smiles softly and Eddie responds with his own small smile as he nods, but as he turns to face Kasey again his smile faltered slightly as reality struck him with the fact that Kasey wouldn’t be coming home with him and Christopher.

For most of time, Christopher stuck with either Buck or TK, only coming over when he see’s Kasey slightly more awake than before, drinking some water as she winces every now and then as Eddie daps a cloth around her face to clean the cuts there. He listens to his father quietly apologise to her, and he watches as Kasey shakes her head at it every time.

Chris brings himself closer to them, he was in different clothes now from the box Bobby searched through, and so was Buck and TK, all their old stuffs were stuffed in one pile by Athena as she spoke quietly with Bobby of how she is becoming a pro at washing due to the amount of blood and dirt she has taken out of clothes that belonged to him or their two older kids that go by the name of Buck and Kasey, and a few more clothes won’t be a hassle either, she’s just glad that they’re all okay.

His head falls onto his dad’s shoulder as he looks up at Kasey with a smile.

“Hey my little lion,” Kasey teased, hand reaching out to run through his curls as she eyes his scrunched up hand, “you doing okay, kiddo?” He nods before holding his hand out to her, presenting her with a collection of plasters with a small frown.

“They didn’t have any Spider-Man ones,” Kasey gently takes the plasters out from his hands as she looks at them. “Only Scooby Doo ones.”

Kasey gasps in small excitement, “well that’s good!” She says with a grin, but Eddie could see the tiredness behind it. “I love Scooby Doo!”

“Me too,” Christopher states with a bubble of laughter.

“Would you like to put the plasters on Kasey?” Eddie questioned as he took in the sight of the two, coming to a quick understanding that they must have talked about plasters when they found one another. Christopher nods and Eddie stands himself up better before bending down to pick his son up and places him down next to Kasey on the hospital bed.

Kasey turns her head to face Christopher, hand palm-up with the plasters laying in them for him to take, and he does so very gently as he rips the white pieces off from them before placing them gently over Kasey’s face to hide the cuts.

“Perhaps you’ll become Doctor Diaz in the future,” Kasey mutters as she studies his movements. “Think I’ll be least afraid of hospitals if I knew I’ve got the best and bravest doctor ever!”

As Bobby had same final words with the doctor, he brings himself towards the trio after confirming that Doctor Diaz has finished with placing Scooby Doo plasters on his patient’s face to tell them it be best if they all go home and clean themselves up and to rest.

(There was even a soft mention that Bear is at home waiting on her return).

The group that become bigger without Eddie and Kasey’s realisation ushered their last goodbyes, making sure everyone will be alright for the night, Karen kisses them all on the cheek, wishing them a better and restful evening, she gave Kasey a teasing squeeze on her cheeks before patting it softly, then when she came to Eddie she gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but as she leaves she gives his bicep a soft squeeze as she throws him a comforting and knowing look and he watches as her eyes shift to Kasey who has now began to pull herself off the bed.

Eddie quickly comes to her aid, helping her to slide off the medical bed much easier and she thanks him, and then she tells the Diaz’s boys how they’re the best doctors she has ever had, and that she’s feeling much better now. Eddie knew she wasn’t, but he also knew that comment was more aimed at his son than to him. Kasey gives another long-lasting hug to Christopher, telling him that she will try and see him the next day and she lays a kiss to his cheek and says that if he or his dad needs anything then give her a ring and she will come.

Eddie shakes his head as he stands behind the pair, a smile tugging at his lips as he watches them, and Christopher even leans up to kiss the bandage across her nose as he wishes her a goodnight before making his way to Buck and TK who were both whining next to Vanessa and Kit (who Kasey didn’t even notice turning up) as they begged to hold Christopher again.

Kasey moves to stand with Eddie’s help and Kasey says nothing as she wraps her arms round his waist, tucking her face into his chest as she just closes her eyes. “You should go,” her voice was raspy now but Eddie found it kinda cute if he forgot the reasoning behind it. “You should go and get yourself and Chris home.”

Eddie knows he should but he also wishes Kasey was coming with them, wishing she was coming home with them to clean up and rest there, and they would turn on some shitty show as they lay on the couch to watch it, all nibbling on something easy to fill their stomachs and Chris would fall asleep first, his eyes falling shut then Eddie would feel a heavy weight on his left shoulder. He then would promise Kasey that he’ll be back as he takes Christopher to bed, tucking him in and leaving the night-light on in his bedroom before he makes his way back to Kasey, who was watching them before but now her eyes were closed and Eddie would smile softly at the sight of her, watching as she finally gains some sleep before he tucks his arms under her body and lifts her up and–

Kasey was now leaving the embrace and gives him a small smile before she makes her way to Athena who wraps her up tightly whilst whispering words of how good a nice warm shower will be for her and TK and that the heating will be on, and she is sure that hot chocolate will be made tonight too.

And then everyone was leaving, out of the medical tents and Chris was situated on Eddie’s hip once Buck and TK finally let him go, Kit and Chimney were up front, helping Buck walk with Maddie following closely behind, then there was Hen and Karen, and then Bobby (who was carrying the dirty clothes) and Vanessa with Athena and Kasey behind, her arm was wrapped motherly round her waist as she began to question Kasey that all of her weight better be on her (Athena) and she better not be taking any of it, but Kasey wasn’t listening much as her head turns to look over her shoulder at the two Diaz’s and all she does was smile at them.

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

Eddie pushes himself off the sofa as he watches some shitty show on the television, Christopher was in bed now after having a quick bath and eating something before being tackled in hugs and comforting words from his father. Eddie wasn’t expecting anything else for the evening, especially not a knock at his door at this time of night or even from what has happened all day.

And he sure wasn’t expecting to see a clean but still tired Kasey (still covered in her bandages, but they were changed to plain brown ones after her shower, at Athena’s recommendation) at his door. He looks out at the road to see headlights on, and they gave him a quick blink and he was quick to recognise it being Bobby. He then watches the car drive off before his eyes move back to the women in front of him, who gives him a small, nervous, smile.

“Can I stay here for tonight, please,” her voice was still slightly scratchy, and she swing her arms at her sides as she gazes at Eddie and all he could do was nod as he holds back his smile from growing anymore at the realisation of why she was here.

No wonder Bobby drove off without Eddie giving an answer as he knew he would say yes to Kasey. Eddie even wondered if Bobby knew how much both Christopher and Eddie wished for her to come home with them.

“Yeah – yeah, of course,” he says and at his words Kasey falls forwards, falling into his open arms that were quick to catch her. Her forehead rests against his shoulder and she rounds her tired arms around his waist whilst he brings her into a tighter embrace.

In his hold, Kasey felt saved.

They stay standing in the doorway, still embracing one another, and Eddie wondered how long they be there for, but he didn’t really mind, not as long as he had her in his arms. It was silent between the pair; well it was until Kasey spoke up again with a question Eddie was truly not expecting tonight.

“Can I get Chris’ name tattooed on me?” Kasey pulls back slightly to look at Eddie’s face, but all she saw was his knitted brows and eyes that burnt with confusion. “I know it’s crazy – we have no relation – like he isn’t even mine or he, well, he isn’t mine anything. But he was so brave Eddie, and I want to carry some of his bravery around – it–it doesn’t make any sense, forget it.” She takes a quick pause. “But he means the world to me Eddie, really, you’ve got the best kid ever, you know? And I just want to honour him more, and just carry something of him around with me everywhere I go so when I do get scared, I’ll know that Chris would want me to be brave and …I just – I care a lot about your son, and you, my god, you two mean absolutely everything to me, I don’t think you understand how important the pair of you are to me and–”

She stops with the feeling of his lips touching the top of her head.

She blinks.

“I think,” he begins as he gazes at her, eyes full of softness, “I think Christopher would really like that,” the corner of his lip tugs up even more now, “I really like the idea too. It’s sweet.”

“Really?” Kasey scrunches her nose slightly, the plaster crumpling up as she does so. “You can say no if you want.”

Eddie shakes his head. “You can get his name tattooed, I don’t mind, but thank you for asking me though.”

Kasey blinks again cause why wouldn’t she ask for his permission? “Yeah – yeah, er, always…”

“When do you want to get it done?” He questions next as they still stood in his doorway.

“Tomorrow,” she instantly says. “I’m going to get TK’s name tattooed on me too, already asked for his permission,” she ranted slightly, “do you want to come with?” Then there was a moment of silence before she shakes her head. “Wait, no, you’ll be busy, it was stupid to ask, you will probably be working or with Chris and–”

His hand finds her, intertwining their fingers together as he offers her a soft squeeze. “I don’t have a shift tomorrow,” he states once he notices that his action has stopped her panicking rant, her eyes moves to look down at their joint up hands. “Chris will be at his Abuela’s, so I’ll come with you.”

And then he leans forwards, lays another kiss on her forehead, but his lips linger by her skin, and she swears she feels him smiling when she squeezes his hand in return.

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

A/N: Kit Prescott has been changed to Reiky De Valk A/N.2: Taglist found in reblog!

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imaginesfordifferentfandoms · 2 years ago

Text

Soon You’ll Get Better

Prompt - 'Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you, desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too.’

Owen knew he had to tell you. He had told Judd, as hard as it had been to say the words out loud for the first time, he had told him. He had told TK, or more accurately TK found out himself and Owen could no longer deny the truth, could no longer smile and pretend it wasn’t real, not when TK had looked at him with those wide, watery eyes and a tremor in his voice.

He knew he had to tell the team but he couldn’t do that because he had to tell you first. He knew Judd and TK wouldn’t tell you but they had both had countless conversations with him about how you needed to know and he knew they were right. If he were being honest with himself he was holding off telling you for the same reason he hadn’t told TK back in New York when he’d found out, he was scared.

Owen Strand was scared and it was easy to put on a wide smile and hide behind it, to push the diagnosis to the back of his mind and enjoy the time he had with you. He liked to think he was a strong man but this was different, it was different in the same way he was weak opposite TK who was hurt and terrified, he was weak because he didn’t think he could stand seeing the fear in your eyes, the look on your face every time you looked at him knowing that the cancer was eating away at him. He couldn’t stand the thought of you looking at him like he was already dead, nothing but a walking corpse.

He hadn’t known you very long but it was long enough to know you were special, to know that you would be somebody who changed his life. He cared for you deeply, from the second you walked into the firehouse and flashed him that warm smile before sitting opposite him and TK to talk about your place in the 126. He liked to think he had done a good job hiding how much he liked you from your half hour meeting but the second you left TK had turned to him with a wide grin of his own and Owen rolled his eyes as he told him to shut up before any words even left his mouth, something that only made TK smile wider.

Working alongside you was thrilling, Owen had had partners before but the way the two of you moved with each other, always knowing what the other was thinking without either of you needing to voice anything wasn’t just helpful in your line of duty but it also made Owen smile every time he thought of your silent communication, knowing that you had become so close after only a few weeks together. He let himself think of a future, he had to because he refused to think about what could happen if the chemo didn’t work. He let himself think of months or years working side by side with you, the two of you in perfect sync. It was a thought that made sitting in the hospital slightly more bearable.

Owen knew you weren’t stupid. He knew you had noticed him sneaking off during shifts only to come back slightly shaky and pale, he had gotten lucky that you hadn’t pushed it, only asking if he was ok and making sure he had a bottle of water when he returned. He knew this wouldn’t last for long though, eventually you would start pushing, asking him what was wrong and the last thing he needed was you dragging him to Michelle.

So he had to tell you, something that was easier said than done.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried. In fact countless times he had invited you over with the intention to tell you about the cancer only to back out at the last second, pushing it to the back of his head as best he could before focusing on your company. He had called you into his office multiple times where there were no distractions before he always decided against it, telling Judd and TK’s disappointed looks that telling you at work wasn’t the best idea.

But he knew he couldn’t put it off any longer and swore to himself that today was the day he would tell you.

He had already invited you around for a dinner he was in the middle of cooking, TK had left the house with a warning that he better tell you tonight and Owen would make good on that promise.

Things between you and Owen were good, the two of you had been close from day one. It felt like you had known each other forever, there was no awkwardness, no strained silences. The two of you got to talking and immediately hit it off. Owen knew it was going in a good direction, he knew you liked him and God knows how much he liked you. He had seen the hints when you had been over at his place, knew that if he had just leaned in and kissed you that you wouldn’t have pushed him away.

But he couldn’t. It didn’t feel right to start something with you without you knowing about the cancer. He wouldn’t judge you if it were too much, if you decided to just be friends and stop the flirtatious looks and teasing remarks. He’d be devastated, no doubt about it, but he would understand. Jumping into a relationship with a sick man wouldn’t be ideal.

By the time you were knocking on the door Owen felt like a nervous mess and without any alcohol to soothe his nerves he felt ready to back out of this conversation again.

All the stress seemed to melt away as he opened the door, seeing you standing there with a smile on your face brought a matching one to his. You weren’t dressed up, you had long since switched from that to a more comfortable attire with the more time you spent at Owen’s house and yet somehow you still managed to take his breath away.

“Can I come in?” You laughed, causing Owen to snap back to reality and smile wider at you, shaking his head to clear his mind as he opened the door wider for you.

“Please do, dinner’s almost ready.” Owen told you as he took your coat. “Beautiful as always, dear.”

He couldn’t stop his smile from widening even as he knew the eye roll was coming.

“You okay? You sounded…I don’t know you sounded weird on the phone.” You asked as you leaned against the counter and watched Owen walk towards the pans resting on the stove.

The silence stretched for a moment too long and you frowned as you stared at his back, watching as he tensed up before seemingly forcing himself to relax.

“Owen?” You asked again and heard him sigh before turning the heat down.

He turned to face you with a serious and almost sad look on his face causing you to look at him warily, not sure what bad news he was about to deliver but knowing it was coming.

“Hey, talk to me.” You prompted softly, watching as Owen let his eyes fall closed as he took a deep breath. “It’s me, whatever it is we’ll deal with it.”

Those words had Owen smiling and opening his eyes to stare at you in wonderment. God, you were too good for him, he had no idea what he had done to deserve even meeting you. Here you were, so ready to stand beside him and create a solution to whatever it was that was bothering him.

If only it were that easy.

“I was going to wait until after dinner to tell you.” Owen began, feeling like his throat was swelling up on him.

“Tell me what?” You asked, keeping your voice soft even as your brows knitted together as you looked at him in confusion.

“C’mere,” Owen said, knowing full well he was doing nothing but buying himself a few more seconds of living in a world where you didn’t know but there was no going back now.

You let your fingers entwine with Owen’s when he held his out for you, squeezing his hand reassuringly as he led you to the living room and onto the sofa. Neither of you let go of the other as you sat next to each other, nor did you move your legs when your knees brushed together.

Owen opened his mouth only to close it against every few seconds, sure he had gone over what he was going to say to you a thousand times and that was all well and good but actually sitting here beside you, your hand in his with your thumb brushing against his skin, it felt impossible to get the words out.

“Hey,” you said quietly, not talking until Owen looked over at you and you smiled sadly when you saw fear on his face, “whatever it is I’m right here.”

Owen forced himself to swallow around the lump in his throat, his eyes suddenly burning at your words before he took a breath and nodded.

“I don’t know how I got so lucky finding you,” Owen murmured and took comfort in how your smile shifted and brightened your face. He let himself relax as he looked at you for a second longer before forcing the words out. “I should’ve told you a long time ago but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

“Tell me what, Owen?” You asked again and Owen squeezed your hand before he spoke.

“I’ve got cancer, Y/N.” There, the words were out. He had actually told you and even though a weight was still resting heavily on him he felt a little bit better knowing that you knew, that going forward he was being totally honest with you even if it meant losing you.

Owen never took his eyes off you as he told you the secret only four people knew, five now that he included you. He watched as your eyes widened, watched your skin pale, saw the way your mouth fell open and tears filled your eyes seconds later once the words fully hit you.

He hated that he was the reason for such a reaction, he only wanted to draw smiles and laughs from you.

Then there was the fear that clouded your eyes, the fear he so desperately didn’t want to see. You were scared for him and Owen didn’t want that, he didn’t want you worrying that every second you spent with him would be your last or if he was suddenly going to kneel over mid conversation.

“Y/N, I’m alright.” Owen said when minutes had passed and you had yet to say anything. His words seemed to snap you back to reality and you swallowed around the burning lump in your throat, feeling tears well in your eyes as you stared at Owen.

“No, you’re not.” You whispered, a hundred questions racing through your mind.

“Hey,” he said softly, not letting go of the hand he was holding as he lifted his other to cup your cheek and wipe the few tears that had leaked out. “I’m really ok or as ok as I can be. I’m on the treatments the doctors want me on and they like my chances. I’m ok, sweetheart, I promise.”

You leaned into the touch on your cheek before shifting forward to press your forehead against Owen’s and heard the soft chuckle as he held you close to him, both of you silent for the next few minutes as you took in what he had told you.

“You said you're on the treatment, does that mean chemo?” You whispered, not wanting to move away from him.

“Yeah, yeah they have me on chemo. That part is hard, I won’t lie but they say it looks good so I can’t complain.” Owen reassured you and you nodded against him, needing another moment to take in everything.

“Does TK go with you?” You asked, hating the thought of Owen going through this alone.

“He has been but he only found out not too long ago-”

“You’ve been doing this alone?” You asked him, interrupting whatever else he was going to say.

“Of course that’s the part that upsets you the most.” Owen chuckled but brushed his thumb across your cheekbone, keeping you in place when you went to pull away. “It’s not too bad, well except for this guy who comes in when I do and, well story for a different time but I’ve been ok.”

You nodded again and let the silence stretch despite having more questions to ask, wanting to know exactly what type of cancer he had, how far along it was, how long had he been on chemo, how long had he been dealing with this alone if TK only found out recently? Instead of asking them though you squeezed Owen’s hand in yours and lifted your free one to rest on top of his still resting on your cheek. Owen smiled as you turned your face slightly to press a soft kiss to his palm.

“I really don’t know what I did to deserve you.” He told you again and you shook your head with a smile because really it was the other way around.

Seeing Owen sat in the hospital chair, wires connected to a machine and a needle being pushed into his skin, made your heart ache. He looked tired though and yet even now, even when he was the one who needed you to be brave, there he was smiling over at you and reaching a hand out for you.

“I’m alright.” He assured you and you couldn’t help but laugh softly.

You forced yourself to relax in your seat as you reached for his hand and squeezed it softly, letting your thumb brush against his skin as you smiled at him. Even though he knew you were scared you couldn’t tell him that, not whilst he was the one suffering.

It was hard to hide your fear though, under the hospital lighting Owen looked exhausted, his own fear well disguised for your sake no doubt. You knew it was your turn to push away how scared you were, Owen needed you to be brave right now.

It had been two weeks since you found out he had cancer, weeks you had spent trying to come to terms with it but it seemed impossible. Owen having cancer seemed like it wasn’t real, how could this man, this charming, confident, caring man suddenly be sick, be in a hospital chair getting treatment for cancer?

It didn’t seem real and yet here you were with him.

In the two weeks you had known you had familiarised yourself with orange bottles filled with different pills, listened as Owen explained what they were for. More than once you had raised the issue of if he should be working, if he should be running into smoke filled buildings when he had lung cancer but each time he brushed you off and told you he wasn’t going to give up his job.

Some nights you found yourself so consumed by fear it felt like you were going out of your mind, the idea of losing Owen…

Every time TK called you you got a burst of anxiety, expecting the worst and then having to swallow down how scared you had been for a second once he started talking and everything was fine. You had never been heavy on religion, never found much comfort in praying but you had spent countless nights since finding out praying to anyone who would listen that Owen would be ok.

“I know you are.” You told him, proud when your voice didn’t shake.

“You sound like you actually believe that.” Owen told you with a laugh and you couldn’t stop your smile from widening.

“Of course I believe it,” you told him, letting yourself focus on being with Owen, on making sure he was as ok as he could be and not having to worry about you. “You’ll be out of here before you know it.”

“It’s not so bad now that you’re here.” Owen smiled and you squeezed his hand again, watching as his eyes drifted down to them before he raised them to press a kiss against the back of yours. “Thank you for being here, sweetheart.”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” You told him, forcing your smile to stay in place and the tears to disappear before they had the chance to fill your eyes.

“I can think of a hundred different places I’d rather take you.” Owen chuckled and you found it easy to laugh with him causing his smile to grow.

“Soon you’ll get better and we can go wherever you want.” You grinned at him and he kissed your hand again as he smiled over at you, completely enamoured by you.

When he told you about his cancer he had expected you to put distance between the two of you, to put a stop to the flirting and the touches, the lingering gazes, he expected all of it to stop. Never in all the scenarios he had played out had he imagined you sat at his side at every doctor's appointment or chemo session, never had he pictured you squinting down at orange bottles, frowning at the long words and googling what they were.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve you, it was a question he pondered before telling you about the cancer and it was a question that he couldn’t wrap his head around after telling you. He knew you were scared but no matter what you stuck to his side, if he tried to sneak away to throw up you were there with a glass of water and his toothbrush, if he needed a minute to catch his breath you were there comfortingly rubbing your fingers along his back. Whenever he needed you you were there and he thanked God for bringing you to him every day.

He’d get better, he’d seen the chemo out and do whatever the doctors asked of him if it meant he could make good on his promise to take you to the hundred other places he’d rather be with you, to experience a life and a future with you.

Owen Strand would get better and you would be there every step of the way.

---

Owen Strand Tag List (New Character, Add Yourself) /

@navs-bhat, @nashja, @alexxavicry, @deathjawd

Thank you for reading!💖

#owen strand #owen strand x reader #owen strand imagine #owen strand imagines #owen strand fic #911 lone star x reader #911 lone star imagine #911 lone star imagines #9-1-1 lone star #911 lone star #9-1-1 lone star x reader #9-1-1 lone star imagine #9-1-1 lone star imagines #911 x reader #911 lone star fic #911 owen strand #9-1-1 owen strand #9-1-1 lone star owen strand

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