#40k reading

[robot-roadtrip-rants]

What the...

Does it shoot skulls???

Oh. Um. I guess it does.

[meangreennunseen]

How I imagine every Chaos God got their Deamon Primarch:

Khorne: "Angron, my boy! Big fan, big fan! Wanna slaughter ppl for me and feel slight relief of your pain?"

Angron: "K"

____________

Slaanesh: "You are way too great for that shithole Imperium Fulgrim..."

Fulgrim: "You think so?"

Slaanesh: "For sure! Fuck em and join me fam!"

Fulgrim: "You know what? You are right. Fuck Imperium. I am a luxury few can afford."

___________

Nurgle:...

Mortarion:...

Nurgle:...

Mortarion:...

Nurgle: "Your marines are sick and will die"

Mortarion:...

Nurgle: *eyebrow wiggle*

Mortarion: "Ffs... Where do I sign up..."

__________

Tzeentch: "Your dad doesn't love you"

Magnus: "Yeah..."

Tzeentch:...

Tzeentch: "I'm your dad now"

Magnus: *sobbing* "It's the happiest day of my life..."

[sefusneezed]

He sends her prayer quotes and boomer gifs like a true servant of the omnissiah Comic Directory

[suntails]

hijo de la luna

[two-reflections]

Daaaaamn, Cain won hard!

Blog's been running on queue this week, I've been too busy to be online, but I have recently read the Iron Warriors short story The Skull Harvest by Graham McNeill and started reading Huron Blackheart: Master of the Maelstrom by Mike Brooks. Why these two when Cain won? It's because they're on my phone. (My Ciaphas Cain books are physical, I started Caves of Ice before either of these but I'm not too far into it yet because I can't carry an Omnibus around as easily.)

Anyway, let's talk about those two! Spoilers and terrible memes below!

The Skull Harvest is about Warsmith Honsou of the Iron Warriors' participation in a Battle Royale style completion run by Huron Blackheart of the Red Corsairs. I really liked the concept, but I'm not convinced it works well as a short story. So much happens in it without being elaborated upon that it ends up feeling more like an outline for a novel. The character interactions are a highlight, especially between the Iron Warriors and whenever Huron's onscreen. Honsou is a great lead, very likable. Honestly, he comes off as a surprisingly clean-cut hero type in this one, until you remember what he's actually doing. Ardaric Vaanes is super fuckable and deserves more fans. Also... I love a fake betrayal.

I enjoyed the idea of the Skull Harvest competition, too. A Battle Royale that ends in death or being recruited by someone stronger, where the winner at the end leaves with an army and Huron's favour... That's so much fun! I did find myself wondering how it benefits the Red Corsairs, though. I bet it's actually a terrible reality TV show, as well as one hell of a gambling racket. Unfortunately, because the contest doesn't have room to breathe in the short format, it all comes off as rather Khorne-coded, with one Slaneeshi guy and a tiny bit of sorcery in the mix. Would have been great to see how different aspects of Chaos mixed and manifested over a longer version of the competition. Perhaps it could have include more varied trials too? (I'm biased as a big fan of Kaiji Ultimate Survivor, though.)

In summary:

I'm 58% of the way through Huron Blackheart: Master of the Maelstrom, in which the Bloodreaver's boys famously joyride the Macragge's Honour. I don't love some of the stylistic choices, like the book being written in he present tense, but it's been a quick and easy read so far. Huron is clever, charismatic, ruthless, and doing everything he does while in terrible physical pain and under the extreme stress of keeping his relationship with Chaos balanced. He almost makes it look easy, but it is clearly taking a toll. Love that shit.

There's a lot of detail about the inner politics of the Red Corsairs. Watching Huron juggle loyalties and debts is *chef's kiss*.

Will probably have more to say about that when I'm done reading, though. Also, I'm looking forward to being able to compare the Huron from the Skull Harvest and the Huron from Master of the Maelstrom.

Special shoutout to Datasmith Griza Dallax and her Baymaxes Kastelans. She is given a lovely "join or die" at the beginning and now seems to be falling to Chaos in real-time as she starts to see the operession of the Imperium for what it is... Or is she!? That doesn't really convey her story, I'm enjoying how nuanced it is. Also, her parts are some of the funniest so far.

Okay, that's all for now! Will post again when I'm done with Caves of Ice and Master of the Maelstrom.

*Three

In my defense, I was half-asleep when I scheduled this post. 🤦

[staticymaticyyourlifeisatravesty]

My understandings of what Primarchs are currently alive and dead, what their status' are: Loyalists: Leman Russ: Running butt ass naked in the Warp, if the armour if any indication. Probably a Wulfen and horribly mutated like Corvus. Possibly could be fine. Chances very slim for him not be a mutated wolf thing with viking braids. Anyway his sons are mildly disturbed by the armour they keep finding Lion: Alive and pissed. Commits so many war crimes behind Guilliman's back. May or may not be making it his personal goal to give Guilliman as many grey hairs as possible. Roboute Guilliman: Stressed and thinks humans can't rule themselves. Asshole. Needs a break and to actually spend time with humans and actually thinking about the fact it's been ten thousand fucking years. That's impressive for an empire. Corvus Corax: Fucked up bird man in the warp. Probably learning that feathers suck to get blood out of and questioning how the fuck his white winged brother kept his feathers so fucking clean even though said brother routinely caused blood baths in life. Has probably pecked someone to death. Vulkan: Probably alive. Somewhere. Might actually be in a volcano somewhere. His death goes against his lore so who knows what the fuck is going on here. Jaghatai Khan: Also in the warp, has no idea where the fuck he is and isn't stopping for directions. Honestly he's actually existed the warp couple of times he was going so fucking fast. Probably also slowly getting mutated. Might be fine though. Probably passed a naked Leman a couple of times and is really confused by the fucked up bird thing calling itself Corvus. Rogal Dorn: Could be dead, could have a sick ass prosthetic hand. No idea what's going on with him. Sanguinius: Incredibly dead. Probably a good thing that he is. Otherwise he'd probs be a traitor primarch too with the Imperium in its current state- Ferrus Manus: Also very dead. Probably was seething mad at being killed by Fulgrim. Very likely died seething mad. Traitors: Fulgrim: Is a four armed winged snake thing. Having mad sex and doing way too many drugs. Probably also eating a lot too. And then sleeping it off because snake. Has a chunky boyfriend if Tumblr is to be believed. Magnus: Trying to rebuild, also an arrogant prick. I support him even if he's a dick. If only because what happened to Prospero was a travesty of the highest order. You go my weird rainbow nipple horned demon prince. What is your obsession with titty horns??? Mortarion: Depressed but has family. Is infected with diseases that are probably not even invented yet. Probably also not a skinny rail of a man anymore courtesy of Papa Nurgle who is a better dad then the Emperor ironically. Probably can't stand to look himself in the Mirror. Angron: Angy, so very angy. And obsessed with blood. Even if he wasn't immortal by virtue of being a demon prince, he'd probably be too angry to die. Not entirely sure if this is actually better then being dead. Lorgar: Not entirely sure, but I assume he's somewhere in the warp spreading the word of chaos like some sort of messed up anti jesus or something.

Alpharius /Omegon: One's dead, the other is alive. Which twin died and which one is alive is a damn good question. Possibly neither are even dead. Absolute bastards (affectionate). Perterabo: Grumpy old man wanting to be left alone and forge. He yearns for it. Mostly content to just make stuff and burn his skin off. Good things he's a demon now I guess. Go make stuff, have a hobby that's kinda healthy. Sort of. Konrad: Pretty dead. Saw it happen and let it happen. Probably for the best because dear god this man as a demon prince is terrifying. Horus: Also very dead. Might actually be even more dead then Sanguinius considering Horus' soul was probably destroyed.

[core-augur]

Gay skeletons in space.

They'd rather play chauffer than let their rivals even think about touching the aux. (The chants they're playing are very important for their focus!)

[gulls-art]

I survived finals so have some more evil robots/ sketches

[ladymirdan]

Reading “normal” books after binging hundreds of Space Marine books is jarring. Why do I have to read about two people having heterosexual relations despite having zero chemistry? Why would you put this in a book? Children reads these, its gross.

I mean you have two perfectly fine queers in the same book, constantly trying to die for each other. Let them fuck instead. (or just do what black library does and let it happen off-screen)

[greyseerthanquol]

So like, when are these guys gonna do it?

[gotogull]

I post Kirby and WH40k art exclusively now.

[sorormaior]

Also i think dorn is alive and deeply burned out and living in perturabo’s basement. pert occasionally goes down there and tries to gloat or rile him up but gets uncomfortable about how sad dorn is. they paint miniatures together and dorn leans on him and pert pretends not to notice. pert also made him a new hand.

[meangreennunseen]

Funniest shit in Warhammer40k universe to me will always be Dreadnoughts having this one sided beef with Traitor Primarchs.

Like, it's initially same as your 100 year old great-grandfather still wanting to punch president of his time to the jaw for things he doesn't even fully remember at this point.

[tastytoastz]

[c0gwizard-v2]

"We are having a conversation!"

Catching up with The Silence and the Storm fic, and this scene with Obyron running with Zahndrekh on his shoulder was a delight

[yuviur]

Shot by Carol, on one fateful Saturday morning