#404 brain not found!!!!!!!!

[girlbossblackbeard]

"I was just gonna say, I could put it to the crew and if you wanted to stay one more night on the ship, you know...extenuating circumstances and all that"

"yes 🥺"

"what's that?"

"-uh.. might be nice 🥺🥺"

"GREAT 😃😳"

[niamhthefae]

guys. edwin canonically speaks multiple languages. george rextrew speaks multiple languages.

what if in season 2 they meet someone who only speaks like, french (for the sake of this scenario) or something. and none of them know what to do, and edwin just bursts out in PERFECT FRENCH and when the client has left he just goes "my french is a little rusty so it might be a bit wrong here and there but i think i got it :)" and everyone just dies because how on earth did that just happen

[cecoeur]

2024 F1 Italian Grand Prix: Thursday | 📸 - Alessio Morgese

[pondslime]

[qqueenofhades]

Somebody motivate me to work on this book chapter, for I am Le Zzzz.

[fangswbenefits]

I'm a 'Astarion likes big tiddies' truther

[house-of-cards-and-crime]

i can't figure out how the hell to put the concept i have in my brain into actual words but

i feel like there is some comparison/comradery that could be drawn between permit office Grian and Stanley from the stanley parable

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern Au) - Error 404 Brain Not Found: Bonus Scene - Part 23

Jaskier had glanced up at the eave of the garden shed, and there it was.

F**k me running, that's huge! Good gods, look at the size of it! I've got to get Geralt!

Geralt is minding his own business, hiding from Yennefer hanging out in Van Roach, when Jaskier bursts in. The bard is pulling at his arm and excitedly demanding that Geralt come see this huge a** hornet nest.

It's seriously huge!

Really big!

Bigger than Yennefer's a**!

Geralt: *raises one eyebrow*

Yeah, I know! It's hard to imagine that there can be anything bigger than her a**!

Just come look at it!

Geralt sighs and gives in, allowing himself to be pulled out of his Mobile Man Cave. He's dragged to the garden shed, and there, on the eave, near the point of the roof, is indeed the biggest d*mn hornet nest he's ever seen.

The Urge made the primitive part of his brain itch like a poison ivy rash. "We should, uh, get rid of that nest. Someone could get stung." Geralt said slowly and carefully, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice.

"Yeah..." Jaskier said just as carefully, "Wouldn't want anyone to get stung. Especially Wee Roach. We're going to have to get rid of it."

Geralt was silent for a minute as he looked up at the nest, then said, his voice trembling only slightly, "How should we, uh, get rid of it?"

"Burning it would be great fun-- I mean -- great. It would be great.

"Yennefer said no fire after we burnt that big patch of grass last week getting rid of that ant hill." Geralt said.

They both looked at the round, bald patch in the yard where the grass still hadn't grown back yet.

"Blow it up. We should definitely blow it up." Jaskier replied, voice humming like a bowstring.

"Yeah, " Geralt agreed, trying to sound nonchalant, "Wouldn't want to end up setting the grass on fire, or anything."

They were both still, staring at each other mutely for almost a full minute, then Jaskier blurted "I'm getting the M80's!", and skedaddled into the house.

The Urge was demanding to be scratched, and they were going to scratch the h*ll out of it!

Several moments (and one close call with Yennefer) later, and Jaskier was helping Geralt tie an M80 to a long pole. They kept looking nervously over their shoulders every few seconds, jumping at every sound like a couple of convicts trying to coordinate a prison break

The firecracker was successfully attached to the pole and everything was ready.

A whispered argument (and a tug of war) ensued when Geralt tried to walk off with the pole.

"I want to do it!"

"I found the nest, I should get to blow it up!"

"I dont' care if 'yOu'Re a WiTcHeR aNd hAvE fAsTeR rEfLeXeS' !"

"I know how to handle a pole!"

"That was a vague 'Hmmm.' What are you implying, Geralt?"

"Now is not the time for jokes!"

"I'm NOT going to get stung-!"

Jaskier gave a sharp tug, trying to wrest the pole from Geralt's hands, and the end of it tapped the hornet nest. Both men froze as hornets buzzed agitatedly around the nest. After a few moments, the insects settled down and went back about their business.

Geralt glared at Jaskier.

Jaskier raised his middle finger.

A hornet, seemingly offended by the obscene gesture, swooped down.

Jaskier yelped in lowercase and fumbled the pole as the angry little f**ker stung him on the palm of his right hand, which just so happened to be the hand he was using to flip the bird with.

Geralt used Igni to light the fuse on the firecracker, and quickly shoved the ignited explosive into the nest. There was a loud crack!, and the nest blew apart. Chunks of paper, dead hornet bits, live hornets, and charred larvae rained down.

The few surviving hornets were now very, very angry, and went on the attack, blindly stinging anything they could find. Geralt was hit three times on the back before he could drop the stick and throw up Quen.

The hornets didn't look like they were going to give up anytime soon, so Geralt grabbed Jaskier and they fled to the house.

Yennefer was just getting off the couch to go see what the loud popping sound had been, when Jaskier burst into the living room, clutching his forearm and wailing about having been stung by a 'big a** motherf***ing hornet.'

Geralt had waved off Yennefer's help for his hornet stings. They were only hurting a little now, and the itching was mild. His body was already fighting off the venom and healing the damage.

Jaskier was not so lucky. While blowing up a hornet nest had scratched The Itch in his brain, it did nothing to scratch the itch from being stung.

48 hours later, Geralt was perfectly fine, the three sting marks on his back looked no worse than mosquito bites, and they didn't even itch anymore.

But for Jaskier, things had only gotten worse.

He'd woken up that morning, convinced that he was having a terrible allergic reaction and was going to die.

He'd run, screaming, into Yennefer's bedroom and jumped into her bed to start rather ungently shaking her awake.

"Yen, Yen wake up! Wake the f**k up!!!"

"What the h*ll, you f***ing plum!"

"Look at my f***ing hand!" *Shoves hand in her face* "I'm allergic to hornets! The swelling's gone up to my d*mn elbow! It's going to go up to my throat and I'm going to die!"

Not only was his hand swollen up like a blown up latex glove, but his whole forearm was as well.

"Get your ballooned up tw*t ticklers out of my face!"

"Look at my--!"

"You aren't allergic! It's just a generalized reaction! It's normal, for chrissake!"

"It's normal for it to look like a f***ing Mickey Mouse hand?" Jaskier asked sarcastically.

Yennefer burst out laughing. She couldn't help it. The comparison was just too perfect. It was exactly what his hand and arm looked like.

"Yes, you n*b jockey!", she said, her expression softening as she reached over to play soothingly with the hair at the nape of his neck. "You're going to be fine, I promise." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Now get the f**k out of my bed!"

Fears assuaged, Jaskier went downstairs to get some breakfast, and spent the next few days terrorizing Geralt with his Mickey Mouse hand after he found out that the way it looked and felt gave the Witcher the Ick when it touched him.

[anadorablekiwi]

“Hey, sweetheart. About time to head towards sleep, don’t you think? It’s been a long day, you could use the rest.”

Wriothesley squeezed your shoulder gently.

hfjdkanebebrbwjbehe

I… um, uh—

[sunshinechay]

I think one of the most interesting differences between the book and tv show is that at this point in the book, Yai is fully aware that Jom is from another time.

Like Jom had shown him his cellphone, explained that WWII is going to happen and tried to help Yai begin to take steps to prevent any fall out for Yai and his family.

Yet the show seem to be trying to keep that secret for some reason. A bigger gut punch then Yai being forced to be engaged? Something that Jom is going to end up having to explain as he’s disappearing?

Neither path is better or worse then the other. I am loving both styles of storytelling and plot lines. Just a change that I noticed that intrigues me about the direction the show is taking.

[meeko-mar]

I JUST FELL TO THE GROUND

[mothfinite]

also. seeing the sudden volatility towards nonsharing selfshippers who are literally minding their own business on their OWN blogs is fucking crazy to me. imagine being that person. literally get a life

[piratebay]

oogh i got heated.

[zhongrin]

Zhongli smiled at your words lovingly, but his grip on your waist spoke something else. It was like he was about to claim you, to mark you as his, to show everyone that you're his.

"Of course. I can't wait for the grandchildren. But say..", he leaned in and whispered into your ear in a seductively voice; ".. don't you want to make me a real father? The imagination alone of you carrying our children.. us two taking care of them.."

He licks the shell of your ear.

"So.. tempting."

"ah- uh- well- that sounds- very tempting yes and i would be honored to bear your children- but erh. uhm- archonsー"

[deservedgrace]

usually the whole "cptsd basically hiding my past from me" thing that started a while ago is fine, like it was confusing at first and can be annoying but at least i'm not so crushed by past trauma as often, but sometimes i just want to find out one thing and if my brain would give me access to this one thing that would be so great

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern Au) - Error 404 Brain Not Found: Bonus Scene - Part 11

"Hey, Geralt, isn't that your f***ing bard?" Lambert asked, pointing towards the sidewalk. He and Geralt were on their way back from the hobby store, and were waiting for the light to change.

Geralt scanned the moderately crowed sidewalk. Yep, that was Jaskier! The bard was doing a little window shopping at the jewelery store.

"Yeah, that's him,"

"It's close to lunch time, let's see if he wants to get someting to eat!"

"He'll probably say no," Geralt said.

"Well, then we'll just have to pursuade him!" Lambert replied.

Geralt glanced at the red-haired Witcher.

He grinned at Geralt mischeviously.

Geralt grinned back.

Jaskier looked over the jewlery in the window. There was a really nice ring that had caught his eye, and he also spied a necklace that he knew Yennefer would like. Maybe he would stop on the way home this afternoon and get them.

Jaskier continued on his way, heading to the studio. He paused to check his phone...

The light changed, and Geralt floored it...

As bystanders watched, the rusty old van swerved to the sidewalk. The sliding door whipped open, and a large, red-haired Witcher leapt out and grabbed the poor man who had stopped to check his phone.

The poor man is screaming and flailing as the scary Witcher drags him into the van. Or tries to. The man is certainly putting up a struggle. He is proving to be a bit difficult to hold on to...

Jaskier is putting his phone back in his pocket when hands grab him and start dragging him away. "Motherf***er!" he snarls when he recognizes Lambert, "Let me go!"

"You're coming with us!"

Jaskier, either genuinely unaware of how he sounded or just out of pure pettiness, started screaming, "Nooooo!" and desperately trying to break Lambert's grip.

Lambert finds himself trying to hold on to Jaskier, who is twisting, wiggling, flopping, randomly going dead weight, and making all kinds of noises.

He finally gets an arm around Jaskier's waist and a hand over his mouth just as he starts screaming, "Help!", and half frog-marches, half drags him towards the van.

He's almost there when Jaskier goes dead weight, slips out of Lambert's grasp, and tries to run. Lambert's grabbing the back of his shirt and trying to swing him towards the open van door.

Jaskier grabs a lamp post and is screeching and cussing as Lambert pries him off and drags him backwards towards the van.

Geralt is getting nervous in the van. This is taking way to long, and people are staring, and...sh*t here come the police. F**k.

Jaskier was clinging to the door frame of the van as Lambert tried to yank him inside when the authorities arrived.

Lambert abruptly let Jaskier go to put his hands up as the police surrounded them.

Jaskier fell to the ground with a surpirsed little yelp and was 'rescued' by an officer and put safely in the back of a police cruiser.

They hadn't even given him time to explain before they rushed back to assist in apprehending his kidnappers.

Things were not looking good. He dialed Yennefer's number and then hesitated. Pushing 'call' was practically a death sentence. Yennefer was going to f***ing kill them all in front of the police. They would probably be safer in jail...

Geralt and Lambert were cuffed and laying face down on the sidewalk, frantically trying to explain. The police seemed disinclined to listen due to all the eye-witness testimony.

F**k.

Jaskier swallowed hard and hit 'call'.

"We know him! He's our friend!" Lambert was saying as Yennefer arrived via portal. She was immediately confronted, and not happy about having guns pointed at her

"Don't f***ing point that thing at me! I'll turn the lot of you into toads, the King be d*mned!"

"I'll turn him into a toad as well!"

"Why is my husband on the ground in handcuffs?"

"Of course I know him, you nimrod, I just told you he is my f***ing husband! The other guy? Never seen him before in my life."

Lambert: *gasp of offended betrayal*

Geralt: *hmmm!* (translation: Yen, stop f***ing around!)

"Fine, yes, I know him. He's my brother-in-law, and he's a bigger dumba** than my husband! Now someone with an IQ of more than two digits tell me what's going on!"

"Kidnapping!?"

Yennefer looked at Geralt, Lambert, and Jaskier in turn.

Geralt was suddenly very busy studying an incredibly interesting crack in the sidewalk.

Lambert was pressing his face into the sidewalk so there would be absolutely no chance they could make eye contact.

Jaskier was sitting in the back of the police cruiser. When Yennefer looked at him, he had the audacity or wave.

"You a**clowns! I should just let them take all your a**es to jail!"

"We were just trying to take him to lunch!" Geralt tried to explain.

"By pulling up in a pedo van and snatching him off the street? Really, Geralt?"

"We didn't think he would put up a fight!" Lambert added.

"Shut up, Lambert, the adults are talking!"

"I'm sorry, officers. This is all just a big misunderstanding. The man they were trying to 'kidnap' is my brother-!"

"I thought I was your Darling Husband!" Jaskier interjected from the backseat of the police car.

Yennefer turned and gave him A Look, and a very graphic mental image of what she was going to do to certain parts of his anatomy if he didn't immediately shut the h*ll up.

Jaskier quickly shut his mouth and the car door. For his own safety.

Geralt and Lambert were given a chance to explain themselves, identities and relationships were confirmed, and the detainees were handed over to Yennefer.

The witch glared at them and pointed mutely at the van. They scrambled for it like horror movie victims making a last ditch effort to survive.

They probably weren't going to survive for long, judging by the sounds that began emanating from the van after the witch closed the sliding door behind her.

The police prudently packed up and left.