#3am is apparently my writer happy place

[genshinlover101]

hi hi!! get ready for some tissues for ur issues. ooh okayok, 3am thoughts. so basically gn!reader is terminally ill but never tells the characters(Yae Miko, Keqing, Mona) then spends their last days with them doing all their favorite things, ignoring every concerned signs thrown at them until the very end they explain why they were companying them frequently at their fav places and then saying their final proper goodbyes. excited to see what my fav writer has up the sleeves now -😈

Keeping Your Terminal Illness from Her

Characters: Yae Miko, Keqing, Mona x gn!reader

Warnings: themes of death and sickness, mentions of blood

A/n: I just realized I forgot to add an authors note when I initially posted this ehe, so I’m editing it now :,)

I hope this is good though, I changed it so the reader didn’t necessarily straight up confess to dying cause I just felt edgy adding it in with my normal short headcanon 

• Your illness was fast and quick, it seemed like one day you contracted it and the next you find yourself coughing blood. In a similar manner, it felt like one day you had met your soulmate, Yae Miko, the next you were striped of a life with her.

• When the signs became more and more apparent and harder to hide you knew your time was coming. You wanted to hide yourself from her because you knew your life was too short to cry over spilled milk. Although you’d be a mere page in Miko’s 500+ year story, to you she was the entire book.

• You knew she was a busy woman, making a request that you wanted to have a little vacation time alone together doing her favorite things. It was rare to have even a day to yourselves, let alone multiple. You just wanted her to remember you fondly, and you wanted your last days to be full of her smiles and laughter.

Your eyes grew tired, feeling that you only had little more than a night left to live. Your sickness caught up to your optimism, it becoming too hard to mask as your skin turned pale and your eyes drooped low. The blood that you coughed up too frequently and staining your shirt. Miko would comment on it, “My dear, are you feeling okay? I’ve never seen you look so sickly.”

She was a smart fox, she knew you weren’t okay no matter what you said, and something was terribly wrong. “To be quite honest with you, these past couple of days I have been nothing but happy in your company. But you seem... You seemed like something was holding you back the entire time,” she tried to dig. The night stroll you two we’re taking had become spoiled. “The more you hide from me the harder it’ll be for me to continue to greet you with a smile.” 

“Miko,” her sweet name was all you managed to say before you began to rethink your actions. A way to tell her without dropping a weight on her heart, you started to regret withholding such crucial information from her. “Will you accompany me to sleep tonight? I’ll be okay as long as I am by your side,” was all you managed to say. Although it could’ve been interpreted wrong, it was enough to get your point across.

Your words struck her, she felt uneasy from your sudden change of heart. “What are you implying right now?” she asked you, her ears drooping low to the ground. “You can sleep with me, you’ll wake up next to me like always. I’ll hold you all night like always if that’s what you wish. You will wake up and the first thing you’ll see is me, like always,” she tried to justify and make sense of what you were saying. If you denied her words right then and there, she would never recover. Trying to comfort her with unresponsive silence.

You knew her eternal loneliness ever since she was a small kitsune, being abandoned by Raiden Ei and Kitsune Saiguu alike. That night she helped you limp back home, she couldn’t sleep, staring at your body and ensuring your breath was constant. Sometime that night, she couldn’t recall, your body grew cold and she knew you had fled from the mortal plane. 

• Your illness was always a secret from Keqing, the moment you contracted it you decided all you wanted to do was to spend your remaining days with the Yuheng. You decided that even if your fever was over 100, and if your skin turned pale, you would fake a happy face to relieve her the stress of finding an impossible cure.

• You would carry your contract with yourself to the grave. Not saying a word until the last moments. Even though you admitted how annoying it was, you wanted to hear the young woman’s stern voice bossing you around. It would pain you to see her treat you nicely just because of your sickness. You wanted things to be stagnant in your memories.

• You didn’t particularly ask for a week off from Keqing, knowing her schedule would not allow it upon such short notice. But you knew how much she adored camping, begging her to let you join her on her next expedition. It was one thing to hide your sickness from her, but to succumb while she was absent from home would be too much pain for you to silently bare.

Your bones grew weaker and frail, it became visible that you were struggling to carry your weight. Keqing got upset with you at first, “You were the one who wanted to come on this trip, don’t tell me you’ve gotten weak on me,” she tried motivating you the only way she knew how to. That was until you dropped, your knees buckling from underneath you.

She waited for a moment or two for you to pick yourself up, realizing that wasn’t the case she rushed over. picking you up in her arms as she knelt, “Come on, there’s not much time left until the sun sets and we’re almost at the campsite.” that was until she realize the blood in your right palm, raising her own hand to your forehead to check your temperature. Now that she thought twice about it, your face was pale, and you were acting oddly strange.

“Are you sick? We’ll see Dr. Baizhu first thing in the morning,” She asked confused. “If you felt so bad we didn’t have to go sightseeing, we could’ve stayed near the tent, you need to communicate these things to me or I’ll never know,” her stern lectures comforted you regardless of your situation. You felt your eyes losing motivation to stay open, your life flashing before your eyes.

Debating whether you should tell her the truth you allowed Keqing to help you limp back to the site. Laying down by the firewood with a log supporting you, Keqing taking her place next to you as she cooked up some rice water. Glancing at you every now and then she took note of how sleepy you looked. “You need to stay awake and eat or you’ll never recover your strength. I’m no doctor, but I can make some remedies with herbs,” you grew saddened at how focused she was on your recovery. “What’re your symptoms?” She asked.

“...Keqing, I love you,” you said with no context, ignoring her question. It somewhat creeped her out, making her feel uneasy. She couldn’t tell whether her emotions were caused because of how unwarranted your affection was, or because she got a bad feeling about how deathly you looked. She had no choice but to believe you’d be okay till you got to Liyue Harbor.

“I love you too,” was all she could say, a pit in her stomach as she focused on cooking. You never got to eat her cooking before the life drained from your body, your soul moving somewhere where Keqing wasn’t allowed to venture. Maybe it was cruel and selfish to Keqing, but it was too late to turn back time.

• You couldn’t hide anything from Mona, full well knowing that she analyzed your constellation too frequently to miss a terminal illness. She would see your future in cryptic letters from the scryglass, and see how your path of stars ended far too short to be considered normal.

• She must’ve been waiting for you to tell her about your illness yourself, but you never did. She acted normal, but you could tell something was on her mind as if she had something lingering on her tongue but chose to bite it instead. So selfishly you wanted to live the remainder of your life without mention of your fate.

• When your illness began to swallow you whole, you asked Mona to join you for the next couple of days stargazing. Traveling to different hills of Mondstadt to see the stars from a different angle. She didn’t hesitate to accept your proposal, not because she loved stargazing, but because she knew from your constellation that you didn’t have much time left.

You felt a shortness of breath, and no motivation to get back up and fight your disease. Still trying to stare at the stars above you in the night sky from your blanket on the grass. Mona must’ve caught on, secretly reading your fate on her scryglass every moment she spent separate from you. Your star alignment giving her anxiety beyond measures. 

She side-eyed you to make sure you were still with her, squatted down she hugged her knees closer to her body for stability, knowing if the stars were right you’d be leaving her tonight. She prayed fate would change, but she knew better than anybody else that what was written in the stars was permanent. She listened to your breathing patterns become irregular, her face white at your sickly appearance.

“I-,” she wanted to say something to you, but she didn’t know what to say. What does she say to her soulmate who will leave her at any minute? She didn’t have any last words prepared for you. She never had thought she’d need to think of such trivial words at such a young age.

“Mona Megistus, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on,” You interjected, reaching out to place a hand on her bare back. Your cold touch warming her heart. You knew without her telling you, you could never hide anything from the genius astrologer. The burden of telling her this was your last day lifted from your shoulders. “Please don’t ever forget that.” 

A blush on Mona’s face, “This is not the time to be flirting with me,” she said underneath her breath. Your words saddened her even more that she would never hear them again, “Knowing you love me will be enough for the rest of my life,” she averted her gaze from you, not being able to make eye contact with you in denial that you were leaving. Hoping that you’d reject her words and comfort her anxiety... but you never did.

Her eyes glazing over with tears, barely noticable in the night sky. Thinking if she could’ve done anything different to reverse your illness. Maybe it wouldn’t be too late to take you to the old hag and consult with her, or maybe if she had went behind your back and told the Knights of Favonius, or maybe even the church nuns would have a cure. 

All these thoughts poured into her head when she already knew there was no other way. “Please don’t leave me,” she whispered as she reached for your hand, watching you with fondness despite your delicate look. Wiping a small trail of tears away from her cheeks, she decided to lay beside your sleeping breath. Her head resting on your chest as she listened to your slow heartbeat. Staying up all night while she waited for death inevitably to claim you, she wondered if she’d ever see you again.

[fagdykevash]

bestie what it is community please tell me about it

GASP someone to infodump to okok so. basic knowledge community is ur classic sitcom but!! the twist is that its constantly making fun of sitcom tropes (and itself) its really meta at some points but ill get into that laterrr. it all takes place in a community college and ill just go over the main characters for now bc i work in the morningjsjdjdn

jeff- hes an ex-lawyer w daddy issues and a huge ego. his character is okayyy but def not my fave.

britta- described in the show as an "anarchist cat owner". her heart is always in the right place, but shes just... bad at executing some of her ideas (side note: my favorite quote of hers is "you cant blame him, thats like me blaming owls for how much i suck at analogies")

abed- where to begin. hes the best character (who lowkey started my gender crisis) but he's introduced as "quirky weird kid who makes movie references and movies of his friends". important note is abed is v much hinted to be on the spectrum but they never say it outright,, oh also community was made in like. 2010 so keep that in mind. anyway i could be projecting (i am) but abed just knows everyone and himself really well so he just acts a certain way to make everyone and himself happy. he makes movies thru out the series and it gives a fantastic insight om how he sees the world. he takes movies and tv very seriously and i love him for it <33333

troy- my beloved. hes like... himbo at its finest. he starts off as a dumb self-centered jock but eventually evolves into kind and forgiving air-conditioning repair Man. hes bffs w abed but lets be honest theyre in love. like. ill get into that later djdjdsskejdifjfj

pierce- hes an old man bigot and i hate him. thats all you need to know

shirley- christian single mother who's super passive agressive and guilt-trip-y. i like her character but theres not much else to say abt her?

annie- if youve seen brooklyn 99 then imagine like... a younger amy whos also a (headcanon) lesbian. annie JUST got out of highschool (and a pill addiction) and shes just looking for someone to love. shes really organized and she plans her whole life years in advance and she kinda hates herself for it. she was gonna be in a relationship w jeff but the fans were like,,, no??? theres like a two decade age gap???? so they kinda stopped that.

which brings me to my next point::: Troy And Abed Had A Better Relationship Arc Than Any Of The Straight People And They Weren't Even In A Relationship.

ok im SUPER biased here but stay with me. they have a SONG. they share a favorite SHOW. they DRESS UP LIKE THE BEST FRIENDS FROM THAT SHOW CASUALLY. your honor they are soulmates even platonically. at one point in abeds films, annie looks at the camera and he goes "annie dont 'jim' the camera". but im all of abed's films, troy 'jims' the camera... and abed lets him. this doesn't sound like a lot but TRUST ME theres more (also its now 3am so brain is kinda fuzzy lmao).

ok so we got the cast: plot wise? theres a lot going on. the show suffered a lot of growing pains and was notorious for goin over budget. also the creator/head writer (dan harmon) literally always procrastinated till the last possible second to write scripts (also he sxually hrassed someone but he apologized pretty well apparently). but he was a GENIUS. so much so that when they fired him, the show dropped in quality so drastically that they had to bringing him back. abed was basically his self insert btw and thats why when he did leave abed's character went out the window. dan left for season four, which everone calls the gasleak year, bc al the characters were so fucking out of character. i personally dont think season 4 was that bad but. i can see where ppl are coming from.

whoops i didnt say the plot. ok so the whole thing is jeff, remember hes an EX lawer, apperantly faked his law degree so he has to go to community college to get one. on the way he bonds w a ragtag group of misfits he slowly learns to love. they start as a spanish study group, but by the end theyre a community to save the school.

britta and jeff honestly shouldve been the endgame but they fucked it up when they tried to pair jeff w annie. troy and abed are so fun to watch, everyone else is kinda just there.

i heard one person (i think it was @/peachy-pear is there url??) describe community as "the first four seasons are about troy and abed, and season 5 and 6 are about the lack of troy and abed" which like. yeah exactly.

community gets super meta at some points, taking jabs at itself (someone saying "i was under utilized as a character") or jabs at other shows (abed has a whole rant abt how autism is treated like a "super power" which is really good).

ok im really fucking tired and for dome reason i keep thinking about clips from super mario odyssey so i should proooobably sleep lmao

sorry ab the long post i just. like this show so muchhhhhhh

[gakucchis]

HEEELLOOOO !!!! hope you’re doing well and healthy~ i just had a funny thought; what would the obey me characters react to mc dancing to bad boy or psycho or seulrene’s monster HSHDHFJFK like i can imagine mammon’s eyes bulging out HAHAHAH

NGL this is the first time ive EVER gotten something in my box or what it's called 😭 i just woke up so good morning/good evening wherever you are, i hope you're doing well too! and GIRL am i READY to do this !!

after writing all this i realized, i did too much, im a bad writer, i suck at english, i am big dumb, im sorry for mistakes, my uncreativity, it’s 3am lol but at least i passed my driving test today! and PLEAse correct me if i have used gender specific pronouns anywhere!

i included "be natural" too because it's so classy and i love it :)

Obey Me! characters reacting to gn!MC dancing to a Velvet song by Red Velvet

Lucifer

lucifer notice that for weeks your knees had bruises

they started to heal, but they started to reappear again

he was worried about what you’re doing, but you just shrugged it off everytime he asked you about it

that didn’t stop him from trying to find out

one day, he hears a song playing in the kitchen, and knowing you’re on cooking duty, he investigates

he gets closer, seeing your figure standing at the stove, dancing to the rhythm of the song

while he enjoys watching you like this, he tries to link the dancing to your bruised knees

“MC,” he startles you with his deep voice behind you, as you immediately stop and try to stand firmly

“are your bruised knees from dancing?”

you look at him innocently, knwoing he’d tease you about your hobby

he waited for a bit, yet you didn’t say anything, only shaking your head lightly

he didn’t trust you with that, but he knows you won’t be truthful, so his plan is to catch you dancing once again

and that time came sooner than expected

as lucifer was leaving school around the time where most have already left, he was looking through the classrooms like he often did to catch any lingering students

one classroom was closed though, no matter how he tried to open it

“it can’t be helped,” he sighs as he uses a spell to open the door, revealing someone inside

inside of the empty room was you, your d.d.d quietly playing “monster” by red velvet’s irene & seulgi

you practised your dance, shifting from position to position, as you followed the choreography step by step, leading to you getting on the ground with your knees, trying to capture their powerful, mature side

you stopped as your gaze shifted to someone standing in front of you

looking up it reveals lucifer standing there with crossed arms, smirking while slowy kneeling down as well, lifting your face with his hand

“so, what do you have to say now, my idol?” he can’t deny that you caught his attention, so that he did not interrupt you and preferred gazing at your moving body

Mammon

POLICE, mammon is bored again

and his first stop is finding you again, as always

almost always he will bust into the room catching you by surprise, but as he got closer he couldn't overhear the faint music in the hallway

was it a song from that one band again that you liked? red velvet?

even though you had shown him some songs, he didn't remember many, but it would probably be "bad boy" if they repeated it so much

trying to surprise you, he planned on slightly opening the door and then jumping in, but something crossed his plans

as he silently and carefully opened the door, he saw you weren't in your bed, but rather in the middle of the room, with your back to the door

you were dancing to the song, silently humming the melody and concentrating on your movement, not seeing mammon at all

mammon wanted to leave or jump in soon, but you captivated him

followed your every move but by second his face would get redder at your suggestive dance

the way you turned your head, the way you rolled your body, the way you danced so seductively drives him crazy

he really felt like a bad boy down at your mercy

he thought about leaving and taking care of his growing problem because of you, but decided to try and turn the tables

"what ya doin' there, little dancer?!" he exclaimed and caught you by surprised

your flushed face only turned him on more

you tried to hide your face with your hands, but mammon got a hold of them

"listen... y-you weren't that bad..!"

your frown turns into a smile as you chuckle and give him a quick kiss, not realizing how much he's craving you right now

his face begins to blush more, but he can't let go of you or you lips for a few hours now

Levi

something inside levi is detecting something...

a girl group song?

someone's playing a song by red velvet inside the house?

he begins to investigate, but knows where to look first

"MC!" he shouts as he enters the room, catching you by surprise

your lips turned into a smile as you asked for him to sit down, it was actually you who played "psycho" by red velvet

you asked him to sit there and evaluate your dancing, but please be honest

levi didn't sign up for this, but he did it for you, even though he could guess you're a horrible dancer; at least he can listen to red velvet

the music started playing, and your body started moving to the rhythm

the more seconds passed, the more did levi get mesmerized by your way of moving

your expressions made this only worse – your lips that would sometimes turn into a smirk, your eyes that would sometimes stare at him longingly

levi couldn't just sit there and stare, his blush growing by second

he couldn’t even focus on the song anymore, he didn’t even feel like he could focus on you

“MC... that’s enough”

“why? am i that bad?”

“n-no..! y-you’re perfect...”

by that point you realized why he’s feeling uneasy and asked for you to stop, but he reassures you that you’re a good dancer

if you then offer to show him the other dances you’ve learned as well, he’ll die at just the thought of it

so he puts his hands on your waist and pulls you close

“you’ll be the death of me, you idiot...”

Satan

it’s the middle of the night

and even though everyone’s asleep, satan is up again to read something, but there’s something distracting him

your room was above his, and as you both had your windows open, he was able to hear the music you played at this hour

each second, satan got a bit more annoyed, until he stood up to ask you politely to turn it off already

he opened the door to your room, revealing you on a chair, with your leg stretched out and you going through your hair

for a few seconds you didn’t realise satan standing there, and you continued your dance as powerful as before

he didn’t say anything either - being mesmerized by your elegant dance and your seductive movements

it kind of made him forget what he came for, now he was just standing there, admiring your form

without realizing himself, his eyes followed you longingly, as you danced your way to the top of the chair,

turning around,

seeing satan,

and falling forward because you were surprised

“MC! are you okay? i’m sorry for startling you...”

he helped you stand up by holding your hand, but you were too shy to look at him, getting caught like this

you revealed to him that you tried dancing to red velvet’s “be natural”

“you don’t need to be shy, you can show me even more if you’d like,” he teases and brings your hand to his lips to place a kiss

you’re flustered, but you like the way he enjoyed your dance

“i could be your chair too”

Asmo

it was raining again in devildom, and even though you promised asmo that you would go out together to visit a night festival, plans had to be cancelled due to the weather

to not disappoint asmo, you came up with the idea to just have a small party for the both of you in his room, to which he happily said yes

a few hours later, after you’ve bought some drinks and snacks, you were giggling and talking about things

as “bad boy” by red velvet came on, you excitedly jumped up, and even though you would never offer that normally, the alcohol in you spoke, and you asked if you should dance to the song

of course asmo cheered you on to do it, he likes the song after you’ve showed him a few weeks ago

even though you’d normally be embarrassed to death, that feeling flew right over your head and you started moving your body according to the choreography of the song

asmo instantly couldn’t take his eyes off you, next to your beautiful moves to the velvet song, he couldn’t help but smile at your radiance

but his innocent smile turns into something darker the more he follows the swing of your hips and the way you bite your lips when you make eye contact with him

“are you trying to tease me, MC?~”

you cheekily shrug your shoulders and sit next to him again

“you’re beautiful~” he whispers and gives you the first kiss of many, many following along with many, many other things to make you prove the way your body can move

Beel

even though you definitely didn’t like working out as much as beel does, you told him you’d go along with him to gym

beel was happy about that, but he was a bit worried about what exactly you would do the whole time

as he started working out, you settled in at the small dancing area very close to him, and he realized that you would spend your time with dancing

a few minutes passed, and every few seconds beel would glance over at you

he wondered what you were listening to, but you seemed happy and energetic, and if you were, he’d be too!

at some point your dancing style changed from cheerful to more seductive, while still having a fast pace

he liked seeing you like this, but something bothered him as he saw how other demons looked at you the way he did

he didn’t know what it was, but you didn’t seem to mind

at some point it was enough for him, and he asked you to follow you to another room, revealing a bigger, empty dance room

“i just want to see you dance here”, he smiled with his blush apparent on his cheeks

he sat down and hid his little jealousy from before, but now he was able to see your whole body and to concentrate only on you

you played start on your phone and “monster” by red velvet’s irene & seulgi resonated in the room

beel was impressed by your sharp and quick moves, your hands following the trace of your body, your hips swaying from side to side, but he was even more mesmerized by your focused and somehow darker eyes

as you were done with your dance and turned back to him, he clapped for you with a blushing face

he felt more relaxed now, but at the same time he felt his heart beating quicker and his hands trembling

and maybe you could help him with that

Belphie

you were searching for belphie everywhere

as you were just sitting in the living room together, he sneakily stole your phone and left the room, but you didn't realize at first, it took you about three minutes

"belphieee! give me my phone back!" you shouted through the halls as you headed up the stairs to the attic

meanwhile belphie, who knew your code, was scrolling through your gallery, a video catching his attention immediately

the thumbnail was you in a dance room, hands on your hips

he started the video and realized it was a dance practise you filmed of yourself, the name of the file being "psycho_redvelvet_dance"

like belphie always is, he prepared to tease you, but his mind only focused on you in that moment

your head tilted back or you slowly standing up made his mind wander to other places and a sly smirk appeared on his face

you entered the attic and got into his bed fast, trying to pry away your phone as you saw the video he was watching

a blush grew on your face as you tried even more desperately to get your phone back now

belphie caught your wrist and chuckled, "you're a good dancer, MC, but i'd rather see it in real life than just on a video" he cheekily requested

you shook your head, never ever planning on showing him, but he wouldn't let go of you

"then at least show me how you move your body right now"

Diavolo

for extra credit points, you asked him if you could join a voluntary dance class and of course he agreed

after that, he didn't hear much from you about that matter

as the semester slowly ended though, the evaluations for dance classes were starting which consisted of a solo dance which will be graded

even though diavolo usually does not have to be involved in evaluations, he was asked to grade your performance as you're the only exchange student of that class

he received the video of your dancing to a song called "be natural" by red velvet

the moment you started dancing, you captured his interest with the interesting choreography

but it wasn’t only that, it was you personally who gave off a whole different aura than usually

it was like dancing changed you, but knowing that you have this whole other side to you, excited diavolo

your movements and your expressions suited the tone of the song perfectly

he never really new that you were good at dancing – but this proved it

it was quite a turn-on and his mind started drifting somewhere else

before doing anything stupid, he closed the video and came to search for you

surely enough he told you that your final grade would be a perfect 100, but not without his hands roaming your body and you thanking him in another way

Barbatos

a ball organized by diavolo came closer and closer, and you still had the trouble of not knowing how to dance properly for the occasion

you were searching for someone who could teach you perfectly, but not too strictly, and the first person you thought of was barbatos

even though you were shy with your request, he happily accepted your request and told you when and where to meet

you had planned to get there earlier, not wanting to make barbatos wait because after all he did this for you

the room was located inside the demon lord’s castle, much smaller and emptier room others, accompanied with some grand mirrors

you settled in, waiting and waiting, realizing you had been there too early...

barbatos entered the room, punctual like always, but catching you in a trance as you danced to a song

the song seemed to be the new popular song from the human world called “monster”

barbatos remembered you talking about that group and how much you liked them, he didn’t want to be impolite and interrupt you

he also knew that it was impolite to stare without your knowledge - but he couldn’t quite resist

your eyes watched your every move in the mirror in front of you, being sure to not hold back or underdance any movements, practising your expressions at the same time as well

he waited for you to notice him, but you kept going until the last second

“it seems like you aren’t a novice when it comes to dancing, MC,” barbatos chimes in and flashes a soft smile

you apologized for making him wait like that, but he shrugged it off

somehow he was looking forward to the close contact you’ll be having, hoping for you to show him the same longing expression you’ve heard before and feeling your moving body against his

Solomon

"you still owe me, did you forget?”

solomon, as he often did, caught you off guard

“remember when i let you cheat off my test?” that rang a bell in your mind, but it had been weeks since it happened

of course, to show your gratitude, you cheerfully asked him what it is what he wishes for, but what he said didn’t exactly excite you

“dance for me”

... first of all, it sounded wrong, second of all, you did not want to dance for him

you didn’t like dancing in front of others that much, and you even wondered how solomon knows about your hobby

after a long time of trying to convince him to choose something else or trying to persuade him with money, he just wouldn’t change his mind

you couldn’t deny that it wasn’t a weird request, but knowing solomon’s expectations are always high, you got more nervous and wanted to give it your all

at least you were able to choose the song, your forced confidence making you choose “bad boy”

standing in solomon’s room, his always innocent looking smile giving you the go, you give yourself in to the rhythm

you’re performing like you’re on stage, following each step and focusing on your facial expressions toward him

his smile didn’t fade, but you could feel his heart beating a little quicker, even a faint blush was apparent on his cheeks

your confidence grew by second, it was too late to tone it down now

you ended your dance perfectly, his eyes following you from head to toe, but stopping at your beaming eyes

“MC, i asked for you to dance, and not seduce me...” he chuckled in a low whisper almost, making it seem like a joke, but his hand snaking around your waist and his lips coming closer proved otherwise

Simeon

another day at rad was over for simeon, and he prepared heading back to purgatory hall

as someone hushed by the classroom, and he realized it was you, he remembered that he still had your notebook for human world history

exams were coming up, so he tried to give it back to you as soon as possible

simeon stepped out of the classroom and shouted for you, yet you didn’t answer

“are they wearing headphones?”

he rushed after you, but you seemed in a rush too, and a few doors later, he lost sight of you

he sighed and planned on going home now,

but then he heard music from somewhere

curiosity kicked in again, and knowing there’s a high chance it could be you, he followed the sound

as he opened the door to the auditorium of the school, simeon saw you on the stage with your back to the door

carefully, he closed the door and sat down at the nearest seat, waiting for your next move

the music starts again, “psycho” by red velvet

you begin to dance to the beat, the light shining on the stage illuminating your silhouette as simeon can’t help but watch

he’s impressed by your skills, and even though the song shows a dark and mature style, you look like an angel to him

the song is coming to an end, you’re standing there as if you’re imagining a sea of lights chanting for you

the illusion doesn’t last long as you realize you are alone like always, but this time, someone’s clapping

“it was beautiful, MC!” simeon exlaims and stands up, and even though you’re a bit shy, it makes you happy to hear someone compliment you

he’s coming closer, you get off the stage and you’re suddenly standing before him 

“were you trying to tempt an angel with that dance?”

“if you felt that way, maybe it’s your fault” you laughed but you couldn’t hide your faint blush

having totally forgotten about the reason why he wanted to see you, he asked you for another dance on the stage, which you happily did

[daisylincs]

get to know me tag

I was tagged by @the-9muses, @missinglittlebritishfriend, @aleksandrachaev - thanks, loves 🥺🥺 Yours were fab!

Name/Nickname: Lily (which yes is short for something, no it's not embarrassing just very British, as Kat LOVES to mock me about)

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Virgo (and fortunately/unfortunately with all the perfectionism typical of that sign)

Height: 166cm (and nO I am not trying to convert that into feet and whatnot. Sorry, Americans, but your system makes NO SENSE. Ugh)

Time: 9:45 AM, desperately procrastinating setting into my final round of prep work for classes starting next week

Birthday: 2 September

Favorite Bands: like my wife, I'm a BIG fan of musicals, pretty much all musicals, so... Hamilton, Hadestown, Wicked, Les Mis, Moulin Rouge!, Evita, Chicago, Miss Saigon, The Phantom of the Opera, Cats, The Lion King. I'm also very into movie soundtracks, basically anything Disney or related to Lin-Manuel Miranda 😝😍

As bands go, Imagine Dragons, Florence + The Machine and ABBA are fab, too!

Favorite Solo Artists: Ed Sheeran, classical musicians do not count shut UP brain, Taylor Swift?? (hissssss @ Kat)

Song Stuck In My Head: Afterglow by Ed Sheeran

Last Movie: The Old Guard, rewatch #4. It's just SO DAMN COOL, guys

Last Show: Us (and no, not just for Iain, either, though ngl he's a big benefit. It's a great show, though, I'm loving it so far!)

When Did I Create This Blog: the 5th of May 2020, apparently! Feels like a lot longer to me, lol, but, yup, I'm a lockdown baby! 😝

What I Post: Fics, reblogs of other people's amazing creations, and occasionally random nonsense

Last Thing I Googled: "Lockdown UK live updates" - because, yes, that's what my TV show binging and spectacular denial levels lately have allll been caused by :/

Other blogs: Yes! I created and am an admin of agentsofchallenges, the Challenges of SHIELD blog we part-run from our fandom friends Discord. I'm also an admin for aos-angst-war, the blog we made for, surprisingly, the AoS Angst War (before we were smart enough to come up with agentsofchallenges, lmao)

Following: 387, apparently - w h o a, how'd that happen?? Too many amazing people out there, that's all I'm saying.

Followers: 237, which makes me think of three things immediately: one, there seems to be a sevens theme going on with "follow-" words today. Cool beans! Two, OH MY GOSH PAST TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY FOLLOWERS Already??? Every time I look at this statistic, it's more, and my eyes want to pop out of my head. I mean, I'm SO flattered, guys, but also w t f!!! Ahhhhhhhh, it's more than a little unbelievable. (!!!) Anyway, and, three, hnsjdskhsghsjhd, I'm an awful person, I haven't even completed my Hundred Followers Celebration yet!! Better get right on that 😬🤦‍♀️🥰

Average hours of sleep: 6/7 in work-time, because teaching is a full-time job and I need to be 100% functional. In the holidays, though... yeek. Anybody's guess!! I often go to sleep in the very wee hours of the night (2, 3am) but then I'm also a lazy ass and only get up at 10, so... About the same, actually!!

Lucky number: ehhh, I don't really have one, I'm not superstitious like that, really - EXCEPT, WAIT, NO, I TOTALLY DO. Of course I do!! 42. The answer to life, the universe, and everything, my friends :D

Instruments: I play piano and violin professionally, and a little bit of cello, badly 🤣

What I Am Wearing: an old grey-green pair of drawstring sweatpants, and an oversized white sweatshirt. My isolation suit, guys!

Dream Job: ohhh, gosh, well. I've always had a passion for both music and teaching, and I've known this is what I want to do for years, so I'm kinda... in it?? Lucky me, I know, lol 🤣😍 If I could have anything, though, I'd probably want to be an actress, or a singer-songwriter. Or both!! Or, I know, a Marvel screenplay writer for the Quake/Secret Warriors alternate universe spinoff 🤣😝

Dream Trip: ohhhh, MAN, well - I'm an incurable romantic at heart, so, the Seychelles with my boyfriend? Or maybe, to be a fangirl and a romantic (which is just goals, honestly) Tahiti!! Yup, yup, that's my final answer. I want an all-expenses-paid, full-luxury trip to Tahiti - I hear it's a magical place 😝😍🏖️

Favorite Food: I've recently been visiting my family in Ireland (before lockdown screwed everything over for me UGH) so, my nan's chocolate shortbread!! The actual BEST biscuits you'll ever taste 😍😍😍

Nationality: British-Irish (yes, I have a dual citizenship, which I think is pretty wicked)

Favorite Song: Impossible. Question. And one you'll get a different answer to every time you ask it!! Currently, though, I'm going to have to say Nancy Mulligan, for all the family nostalgia and happy memories it brings up for me 💜

Last Book I Read: Ugh, this is probably the LEAST exciting answer you could even dream of, but... A2 GCSE Music Syllabus and Teacher's Guide - 2021 Revised Edition. Yeah, prepping for work SUCKS.

Top 3 Fictional Universes I’d Like To Live In: The MCU, but very specifically season 3A of Agents of SHIELD, so I could meet all my babies when they were happy(ish) and tell them how much I adore them 🥺🥺💜 Also, the Wizarding World post-the Second Wizarding War (because if I'm living in the world I'm not affected by JKR's crap). And for number three, OOH!! Storybrooke post-season 6 (and happily pretending season 7 never happens.) Yes please!!

Oooh, gosh, well, this was loads of fun, and a great distraction from work... though, in all seriousness, I should probably get to that now. Before I go, though, I'm going to tag @eowima, @que-mint-tea, @justanalto, @apathbacktoyou, @springmagpies, @maybebrilliant, @loved-the-stars-too-fondly, @nazezdha321, @besidemethewholedamntime and @fitzsimmonkeys, if any of you guys want to do this! 🥰💜

[foxfiregalaxy]

Akeshu Fanfic Recs ♡

All I have done during this quarantine is eat, sleep, and breathe akeshu. Amidst powering through Persona 5 Royal I have read so much fanfiction. I always love when people give recommendations so I thought I would too! Be sure to read tags before you read in case one of these fics has something you’re not comfortable with. (I’ll also probably make an nsfw list later because I’m bored and I’m thirsty apparently) Enjoy! 

New game + by Tayani

I feel like I shouldn’t have to recommend the epitome of akeshu culture but here it is. NG+ is one of the best fics I have ever read. It’s Akira restarting the game with all his memories in tact from the previous run. It’s beautifully written with peak Goro representation and it’s absolutely amazing. Its a long one with a roller coaster of emotions but its worth every second. 

Yesterday’s Protagonist by valiantarmor 

This IS IT YA’LL. This is the fic that officially turned me into a goroboi. Takes place past vanilla p5 where Goro lives and Akira reunites with him several years later. A beautiful fic where both boys heal their past scares and grow to love each other. God I love this fic I couldn’t recommend it more. 

L’appel du vide by Xov  (not completed) 

Another time travel fic because apparently we all like to see Akira suffer. Akira’s past and future haunt him. Its hard to describe this one but its very well known in the akeshu fandom. Its wonderfully written and I feel like the impending doom I feel at each update will kill me BUT I recommend it immensely. 

Hungry Thirsty Roots by coolkidroland

Au where Goro has a palace and Akira is desperate to help him. Some of the other thieves are not necessarily on the same page. Side of makoharu. One of the first fics I’ve read and the characterization ya’ll the CHARACTERIZATION is amazing. 1000/10.

Several people are typing... by Txbris (not completed)

This one is still updating but its amazing! A chatfic that takes place during p5 and is heading towards the events of royal. Its hilarious but also emotional and I jump at every update. If you love desperate pinning Akira then click away. 

this account’s tweets are protected by alsahm/benetnash

A twitter fic told in tweets! Akira has 50000 private accounts and is obsessed with feathermen fanfic writer, murderless crow, who has some secrets of their own. Amazing fic that has me dying of laughter multiple times. Yet it had a lot of lore??? Incredible, read it! 

Kintsugi by Daughterofthewest/Ethereally

Occurs post the events of vanilla p5 where seeds of mementos open up and the phantom thieves are back to close them. Akira enters the velvet room only to see Lavenza and Goro. Goro is his new attendent. Good old emotional/slowburn/redemption fic that had me weeping at 3am. 

Polaris by pastel_didactic

Au where the Phantom thieves are wanted criminals who take out big baddies irl (no personas). Goro is a detective who despite trying to catch the famous criminal Joker, catches feelings for him instead. I love this fic, its one of the top ones I reread from time to time. Does have a fair amount of violence though so read the tags just in case! 

Home is where the heart is by sinnamon_nerd (not completed) 

Fem! Akira fic where she returns home and has to deal with the scrutiny from her peers. Luckily she runs in to a familiar face with an undercut (hngggg goro with a undercut kills me). Its such a sweet, adorable fic and each update warms my heart. The vibe of Akira’s hometown is so quaint and Goro is mad pinning. 10000/10 perfect for keeping warm during this quarantine

Shuake’s first lovers holidays series by yukari 

Two one shots that take place after p5r. Just sweet fluffy fics about Goro making a split decision to see Akira in his hometown on valentines day. So fluffy and soft I love these fics. 

Bona fide villain? by mar (gloomy ghost)  (not completed) 

Sort of character study of Goro that takes place during p5. A redemption arc for Goro which also includes him having a palace. Wonderfully written and really looks into Goro’s character. 

Customer Connections by Chummy/Hator (not completed) 

Starbucks au full of memes and a SHIT TON of overworked employees. I LOVE Goro in this fic, he’s a mood. Highly recommend this one especially, if your an overworked gremlin like Goro. 

The Great Birthday Massacre of St. Valentine’s Day by papersandals

The PTs throw an incredibly last minute birthday party for Akira. Goro is not amused by their shenanigans (neither is Akira). Funny, cute fic where Goro and Akira get their revenge on their stupid friends by having their own party. 

The Next Time Around by chashmish

If you like pain then this fic is for you. I struggled to like this one at first but I’m so glad I finished it. Alternate au where Akira goes to his friend Ann’s wedding in Venice where he runs into his ex Goro Akechi. The scenery is beautiful and the characters are beautiful. Its just beautiful.

and without knowing I feel asleep by joshriku

Goro is a tired boi and he takes naps on Akira’s shoulder. Soft fluff 

Normalcy (and how to be happy without it) by the_pen_dragon

Goro cannot cook worth a shit. Akira still loves him. 

orange ball of love by venusbot

Ren cannot cook worth a shit. Goro still loves him.

A study in distress by Xov 

Everything by Xov is TOP TIER. College au where Goro and Akira have been friends for years and Akira has a crush on Goro. He tries to avoid him because he believes its unrequited. Akira’s an idiot. 

Flashing lights by navibot

Goro learns to open up and Akira is here to listen. 

An unexpected friend by kougayon 

Goro adopts a puppy while Akira is gone on a business trip. Morgana is not amused. 

(You Play me) like a fiddle by Lia404

Goro plays the violin and Akira plays the guitar. Akira really wants Goro in his band. (Full of musical pieces which I love!!!!) 

[queenangst]

it’s almost 3am so here’s some thoughts (experiences) about negative reviews for fics: 

uncut/stream of consciousness/mess of thoughts warning

//do not reblog

i really don’t appreciate when people leave negative reviews, especially under the guise of wanting to help or as “constructive” criticism. i’m not saying concrit is bad — concrit is great, and it helps us become better writers!!! but there’s a time and place for concrit, and if the fic author doesn’t ask for it, or if you ask them if they’d like some and they say no, then don’t do it. 

like the old fandom saying goes (that apparently people don’t know anymore): don’t like, don’t read. nowhere in that saying does it go: if you don’t like something you have to publicly acknowledge this, tell the author that you don’t like it. 

what’s always bugged me about negative reviews is the reader never seems to care that their opinion doesn’t need to be shared. if you don’t have something nice to say then leave. 

i would say few fic writers are... professional, in the sense of making a living off of writing. fic is the labor of love. it’s meant to be a celebration of a media we enjoy. characters. ideas. fic is for fun. no one asked for your opinion. while feedback culture is important, understanding the type of feedback desired, etc is just as important. 

i don’t think people should mindlessly enjoy fic, or praise it. but crit + concrit have spaces. writer’s circles. betas. leaving them publicly, and just as readers, kind of... sucks. 

sob story time: 

i wrote and completed my first long fic as a freshman/sophomore in high school. i loved writing the fic. i loved the characters. and the overwhelmingly positive response made me happy that i’d written something that other people resonated with, and enjoyed. after finishing i knew there were parts that could have been better, but overall i’d had a good time. and i was very, very proud to have done that.

i was also maybe 14, or 15. i’d been writing fic for maybe 3 years and had gotten some crit before, but nothing i couldn’t really just shrug off. the fic i’d completed marked a shift in my journey as a writer and my desire to write longer fic, and i was starting to figure out the kinds of stories i really wanted to explore, and tell. 

and then i got sent a very, very long review, through tumblr submissions. at the very least i appreciated it was private, but it was a solid essay length. and it cut me to the core. it wasn’t just a review that was like, “oh this story sucks.” it was a review from the perspective of a reader who had loved the fic i was writing... and then they continued reading and found some flaws as far as how the story was written and fell out of love harshly. it’s hard to explain without going into detail, but to them it was essentially a betrayal. 

it was the most painful review i’d ever gotten. at first i thought i could handle it, and i went to my friends and started talking about my thoughts, and suddenly i was sobbing while trying to form a coherent response. i felt so wrong. i felt so bad. i felt like i’d made a terrible mistake. the worst part of it was that the reader ended the review by telling me they regretted ever reading my story. 

as i was talking i described how i was feeling, why i thought i reacted so strongly as opposed to other reviews and it was because it had felt “personal.” i write bc i enjoy it. i write bc i have stories to tell. and every story has a piece of me in it, and it was like someone was destroying it. 

for days after i’d think of it and cry. for days. i pondered my own mistakes and shortcomings as a writer. and there was even a moment when i considered deleting my story — deleting it! because i was ashamed. and upset. and unhappy, and angry, and heartbroken. because compared to hundreds and thousands of people telling me how much they’d loved it and how much they had enjoyed the story it was one review that almost made me erase the fic completely. 

for months after when i thought of the story in passing, i thought of things like taking it down. it made me feel sick. and like i said before, ashamed. the love that i had for the story, the confidence, the enjoyment of my own writing—dissipated, bc the review had risen in me a sort of hatred of my own story, that in the end, i’d written for myself. 

it didn’t make me quit writing. by the time the review came i was well into another fandom and working on a different longfic and i had grown as a writer, but seeing the review just hurt a lot. the fic was finished, and i’d been proud of it even though i knew as a better writer some of my mistakes that i’d made earlier. i’d been writing for too long for one review to make me quit writing, but i realized that that might not be true for someone else. if there was a new writer, a younger writer, that could’ve been the end of someone with immense talent — and not just talent, but love, and passion, and happiness. 

anyway there’s a lot more thoughts i have but i’m too tired to really think them. negative reviews suck. discourse sucks. and fandom is supposed to be a space for enjoyment and fun and happiness for so many of us, that i don’t see the point in ruining it. 

[captainharunanase]

Sigh...

I had Allurance for a moment only for vld to make it a ghost ship with Lance now forever pining after Allura's death.

Shiro was finally able to be the "White Paladin" of the team but he barely interacted with them or even looked at Keith.

Hunk and Pidge had amazing screentime but Matt and a few others got sidelined and forgotten.

And Keith? He apparently wasn't even in Shiro's "wedding" with that rando--Curtis--even though he pretty much has been implying since s1 that Shiro is his family and his guiding light so therefore someone he would always be there for especially in his ups and downs of life.

Sheith held on all this time only to act like coworkers in the finale but not anything more like they have forgotten how to be best friends until it was convenient for the plot.

And Allura? The girl who lost everything? She ended up being almost like Honerva--sacrificing everything that is her to help her new family get their happy endings even though she could never attain hers.

I loved the fighting, the mecha transformations, the development of the MFEs, the plot, and the final showdown against Haggar but--

--To give Lance and Allura happiness and hint on giving her a new belonging only to stripe it away as a "price" all while "subtlety" diminishing Keith and Shiro's importance to each other to make their disjointed individual endings "make sense" outside of their s1-s7 buildup and somehow mesh both ships to fail in the end as a "this was the only way to save the universe" ploy-----

--Despite the damn show constantly paralleling the lesson on how Zaggar's love turned to a twisted hate that destroyed the universe and it was up to literally Allurance and even Sheith's love that actually saved the galaxy throughout the series--

----Only to rip both ships off as a sacrifice to satisfy the plot just enough to "justify" their demise as a means to an end. That metaphorical 'smoking gun' we expected to go off at the end? Over Allurance and Sheith? Was nothing but an illusion and wasn't even loaded to begin with apparently.

It is aggravating and disappointing.

I really loved this whole season but that last episode completely went against it's own theme.

They wouldn't have let Allura sake herself let alone let her do it alone--even with Honerva.

Lance wouldn't have even accepted the thought of Allura with that dark entity in her for long or even allow her to die or even worse be forced to love her ghost for the rest of his human life.

Allura wouldn't have wanted Lance to pine after her and not move on from her. She wouldn't have asked that of him by giving him her marks as a way of keeping a part of her quintessence in him.

Keith wouldn't just estrange himself from the one person that made up his whole universe especially after his oath to Shiro of always being there. He, at least, should have been the best man in the wedding if he was the selfless type to watch the canonical love of his life get with someone else.

And Shiro? He wouldn't have remained sidelined til the very end when they only needed him for his Atlas to only help boost Voltron and he clearly, while became a pseudo-Paladin for a moment, did not make any direct change or impact on the 6-man team. He especially should have had a direct moment of any form of romantic attraction with someone in the show and not as a damn fucking footnote of a "One Year Later" offscreen and unwritten romance with a character we didn't even know the name of at first nor should Shiro's final arc be seen as a "oh btw he got married and retired? Idk we keeping it vague so we give you lgbt rep!"

Despite the clearly, already written in the show, deeper bond he has had with Keith since even before s1 and that now makes his supposed bond with Keith a moot point and now unnecessary since it did not deliver in any way or reach a pinnacle in the climax nor did it have any proper closure to even indicate whether it could have or couldn't have been in the first place.

I have a lot of amazing points I would have shared earlier if I hadn't watched the last episode but that last scene completely turned the whole s8 around it's own head and practically told it to go fuck itself.

They try to amend it with a cheap superficial "Praise Allura Day" and despite a few of the team indeed having some form of ending--the main cast which consists of Keith, Shiro, Allura and yes Lance too by his association with her as her boyfriend--was literally given the short end of the stick.

Keith was sidelined and not allowed to act but be an observer at the end with none of his usual prowess, Lance now forever will chase after Allura's ghost and be haunted by her, Allura, herself, died for literally no reason than to right Honerva and Zarkon's wrongs, and Shiro wasn't allowed to even be a part of his paladin family and only there to remind people--at the last 5 seconds--that he's gay and apparently not single anymore with literally a no-name guy (actually it's Curtis but I had to look that shit up) that looked too much like Adam for my liking and while completely disregarding everything he did for Keith and vise versa.

Man that last episode is like Bleach's last chapter.

A completely different almost rewritten reality from the entire series itself. It overturned all the canonization of seven seasons under one episode.

And whether it was DreamWorks or JDS & LM's doing is irrelevant.

While it was an incredibly impactful season it did it with a fucking high cost.

Not about the ships per say--except Allurance for why make it happen only to destroy them immediately later?--but rather the complete turn arounds it had to do to try and justify why they made it that way.

That is what's so aggravating and disappointing.

Not the plot.

But the writing standpoint of trying to explain plotpoint A to upside down B. In a way, they became Haggar themselves and rewrote B and inverted it to make no sense whatsoever but pretend that it was "the only way" for it to end.

I expected an open ending for Sheith or actual development of Keith with Acxa and Shiro with Curtis if need be--and it had to be extremely good--but they couldn't even do that right.

And Allurance? They planned for Lance and Allura since the beginning but apparently the price Lance had to pay for his happy ending was her life out of the blue and at the last second.

And that hurts me.

This isn't as bad as Bleach's notorious ending but this is a definite close second at how they completely turned things around to try and make the ships happen just so they can fail while preaching how the theme of vld is found family and true love saving the universe.

Too bad the main trio--plus Lance now too--weren't allowed to partake in that lesson or in true happiness.

I still love Allurance and I will always love Sheith.

But what they did to Allura and Shiro completely ruined both Lance and Keith's endings.

And that breaks my heart to see it as the price they paid for daring to love them and trying to make them happy.

Lance can't truly be happy now since he can't move on and let Allura go or rather he won't to keep her memory alive in him.

And Keith didn't even get to watch the man he loved get with someone else and is now estranged from his best friend he swore he loved so much he literally was willing to die with Shiro and allow the universe to pay for it.

And what of Pidge and Hunk? We know what they accomplished but what about their personal lives? Is Hunk with Shay? Is Pidge still single? Is Matt still with his girlfriend? What of Acxa and the others? It is so vague with no clear answer and that is also disheartening.

Ah, sorry for my ramble. I stayed up to watch it from 3am and it's now almost 9am as I finish typing this jumbled vent post.

I'm both happy it's over and saddened it ended that way. While I didn't expect Sheith to happen I never imagined it like this and while I hoped for Allurance I didn't want them to pay the price for loving each other to the point of ending them.

I'm sad but I won't take it out on the writers--idk if I trust them at the moment--but I am still grateful they gave me Shiro and so many other characters to love.

I just hope they understand what they did and how much they disappointed nearly everyone with this "twist" ending.

Imma go sleep now I still have a lot to process.

I thought we'd get to see them all get happy endings but apparently only half of them did.

And last but not least no one suffered more than Coran when he found out--I feel so broken for him the most since he couldn't keep the promise to King Alfor to keep Allura safe--which is what his whole point in life was and what defined him as both a mentor and father-uncle figure to Allura and his new family.

And I think that's the one that hurts the most.

Okay I'm tired and sleepy so I'll be sure to interact with yall later for better analysis of s8 when I'm in a better state of mind.

Peace out yall.

Edit: Keith apparently IS in the wedding but he’s literally behind Shiro the whole time that it took me a few rewinds to see his ponytail and slight show of his profile. Geez way to hide him from the camera angle DW it almost made it look like he wasn’t even there if you didn’t pay attention behind Shiro and gave us the impression he wasn't there to begin with.

[thwip--thwip]

This is iron_spider on main, lmao. For the fanfic ask meme! E for ‘the world is not kind’ H, K, L, M, T, V, Z

asdfghjkl oh boy hellooo!!

E (the world is not kind): I think the only interesting sequel would be a companion piece from Peter or Ben’s point of view, as opposed to a continuation (because.....the MCU really loses traction for me after Endgame, and right now I still need to figure out what an FFH fix-it looks like!). But Ben’s POV in particular could be interesting because I really enjoyed exploring him-as-a-character from the outside, i.e., Tony’s perspective, but exploring Tony from Ben’s perspective might be cool. Getting a glimpse into his mind (and May’s, to an extent, because I probably wouldn’t be able to stop myself from exploring their similarities and differences) and what he takes from Peter being Spiderman and Tony stepping into Peter’s life.

H: bold of you to presume i have a writing style xD I think I usually try to find a specific character’s voice and POV to tell the story from. I’ve found that trying to write group pieces without one character as the ‘main’ just ends up turning into a formless mess, for me as a writer. It’s much easier for me to say, ‘well how would X see this happening? What would they notice about it? What would they connect it to, in their own life?’ than to try and be totally omniscient. I do break this often, however, to add authorial asides (it happens a lot in the world is not kind, because I added in details of things that weren’t actually happening in the scene). But I feel like that takes on more of a neutral narrator quality. Last but not least, I feel like sometimes I end up adding too much detail, but half the time I consider deleting it and then think, eh, even if no one else likes it, I think it’s interesting, and leave it in.

K: HMM tough to say. I think it would have to be either of these two ideas:

AU where Tony and Peter don’t meet in a cozy Queens apartment; they meet in the bowels of the Vault, a place for the lockdown of Hydra’s most valuable assets. Peter gets kidnapped by Hydra when they find out about his powers and Tony gets snatched sometime between Avengers and AOU. Lots of torture and surviving together, and Tony taking over the Yinsen role. (I have like 5k of this written in my drafts buuuut)

OR

A one-shot where Peter’s 35 when he bites the dust, which is longer than he’d thought he’d make it, if he’s being honest. He meets Tony in the afterlife, and they have an emotional talk where they’re equals (Peter has been training the Young Avengers with Miles and Kate, etc, and he knows now what Tony had to go through with him), before Tony leads Peter to the Beyond.

L: I was actually surprised to find that my non!powered-Peter-as-a-nurse AU was so uncommon, but apparently. I also think Source-Powered is an incredibly underrated AU in the MCU fandom (another thing I have like....3k words written on that will likely never see the light of day). Really dig the weird niche AU’s like climbed-in-the-wrong-window-at-3AM-and-you-hit-me-with-a-baseball-bat or a personal favorite, you’re-my-upstairs-neighbor-who-walks-super-loud-and-i-keep-banging-on-the-ceiling-but-one-day-i’ve-had-enough-so-i-go-upstairs-to-yell-at-you-and-turns-out-you’re-deaf.

Or a good Chef’s Competition AU, c’mon, Iron Chef??? Peter as the chef prodigy?? How amazing would that be.

M: I’ve got about four fics that I seriously need to write because they’re already planned out, but one of them is a Pepper-Tony relationship introspection in the same style as the world is not kind, where we look at them through the years. I dunno I was listening to Elton John and I got really soft for these two.

T: Thor being portrayed without the intelligence he has beneath the veneer. I think this was more of an issue before Ragnarok, since the movies were such a shitshow for his character - Ragnarok gave writers something concrete to build off of, but before that I feel like we clung to the pop tarts joke collectively as a fandom, and most people just either wrote him out, or wrote him as a pop-culture illiterate oaf.

V: Harry Osborn. I really really love Harry (blame @razor-bats, it’s entirely her fault), but with this new MCU wave I think people don’t use him as much or relegate him to the bad guy (partially a leftover TASM influence, since they fucked over Dane DeHaan’s portrayal so hard with that one). I think there’s more than enough room for both him and Ned, and I’d love to see what potential he could have with Holland’s Peter Parker.

Z: I’m so guilty, I read/write all of it. Most of the time it isn’t permanent though! I like angst with a happy ending. Funnily enough, the one character I don’t like dying is Aunt May. I feel like most of the time when she dies in a fic, it’s a means to achieve an end - and most of the time that end is Peter becoming an Avenger, or getting adopted by Tony. As though May’s an obstacle to overcome, and not the one person in the world that means more than anything to Peter. If you’re going to kill May in a fic where Peter’s already lost Ben, you better have a damn good reason (I’ve yet to see one).

[bugheadfamily]

Bughead Family Discord Member Spotlight

This week the spotlight is on Summer ( @srainebuggie )! Click the read more link below to get to know our member!

Spotlight by Mila, @jughead-jones | Graphic by Katie, @betty-cooper 

SUMMER | @srainebuggie

Name: Summer 

Age: I’m a lil 16 

Location: Ontario, Canada 

Any other languages aside from English people can contact you in?: Nah.

Favourite Riverdale characters and ships?: Oh gosh, Jughead, FP, Alice, and Betty are definitely my favourite characters. But as far as ships go, I’m here for all things Bughead, Falice, and Joavin.

Favourite moments from S1 & S2?: I will never get over the first time that Bughead said “i love you” to each other, that entire scene is just my favourite from the first season. But s2, wow um, where do I start. Every Alice and FP interaction, Betty and Jughead “like romeo and juliet” scene at Pop’s, Betty going at Veronica when Nick came into town. The Pussycats beating Nick senseless, and just every other scene that showed Lili’s wonderful acting chops.

What are your hopes for S3?: I want to dive more into Jughead as a writer, it’s my favourite thing about the show, and I hope we get more of that. Definitely a parents flashback, and some more development on characters like Veronica and Cheryl would be nice too. 

Other fandoms you’re into?: I’m not really into that much else, but I love Emmerdale. 

What are some of your favourite movies/TV?: Flowers in the Attic is a forever favourite movie series of mine, Emmerdale, Riverdale (obviously), and that’s about it. 

Favourite books?: Love, Rosie and Suicide: the forever decision. I have like 20 books in my room to read but haven’t gotten around to them yet. 

Favourite bands/musicians?: Demi Lovato. Love her with every little bit of my soul.

If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?: Probably Riverdale to talk some sense into the characters when they’re being dumb. 

Favourite food?: Ice cream and fries.

Favourite season?: Fall.

Favourite plant?:  Uh, don’t got one :(

Favourite scent?: I actually get headaches from scents, but probably vanilla. 

Favourite colour?: Definitely black and/or red. 

Favourite animal?: Dogs own my heart. 

Are you a night owl, an early bird, or a vampire?: Oh god, I love staying up until 3am. Definitely a night owl. 

Place you want to visit?: England, 100%

Do you have pets? If you do, tell us a little about them: I have 2 dogs and they’re my entire world. Both blood brothers born a year apart, they’re 7 and 8 and just the cutest things ever.

Tell us a little about yourself?: Oh god, well, hi, I’m Summer Raine. I was raised by a single mom and have one brother who is 8 years older than me, and a twin brother. I love to write and listen to music, I also love styling hair and helping my aunt with her four little kids. I work a part time job in retail and absolutely hate it lol. Uh, I have depression and I am an activist for mental health and sexual assault. I also stand up for LGBT rights and work hard to make things equal for everyone. 

Fun or weird fact about you?: People think I’m twice as old as I am bc apparently I’m ‘mature’.

Asks for fanfic authors: 

How long have you been writing?: I’ve been writing pretty much since I could put sentences together, but fanfic specifically, about 2 ½ years. 

Which is your favourite of the fics you’ve written?: My favourite is actually a fic I have coming out on August 24th, it is called Flashing Lights!

Favourite fic/chapter/plot-point/character you’ve ever written?: My favourite fic I’ve ever fic written is Flashing Lights. Favourite chapter was Chapter 10 of my fic “Stronger than Me”. Plot-point was Jughead seeking recovery for alcohol addiction in Stronger Than Me, and character was my Flashing Lights version of Betty. 

Which was the hardest to write, and why?: Without a doubt, Flashing Lights (I feel like I keep talking about this fic lol). It is a very dark themed fic and Betty struggles with a lot of problems, including addiction and recovery, it was hard to get that real and honest, especially when I’ve struggled with substance abuse as well. 

How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? (examples: Do you draw inspiration from real life? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?) Do you have an process to your writing?: A lot of my one shots come from songs, but most of my multi chapters are inspired by real life 

Idea that you always wanted to write?: Jughead is Betty’s older brother’s (maybe Chic idk) best friend and they fall in love. Definitely a 5 year age gap!

Favourite character to write?: Betty, definitely

Best comment/review you’ve ever received?: *abstained* 

Best and worst parts of being a writer?: The worst part is constantly worrying about updating, and whether or not your updates will be enough. The best part is when someone is equally as proud of your for your creation as you are. 

Do you have any advice to offer?: Write for YOU. Making readers happy is great, but nothing is worth your time and effort unless it makes you happy too.

.

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This is the sixth instalment of Bughead Family’s Member Spotlight series. Each week, a member’s url is selected through a randomizer and they will be featured in a spotlight post. In order to participate, please join the Bughead Discord (more information found here). Thank you.

[misssophiachase]

More than a Feeling

Six former teen actors find themselves thrown together ten years later for a Netflix reboot of their TV series. Given the way things were left, what's their rationale for coming back and can they get past their issues? 28 days of stifling Californian heat, copious amounts of tequila and enforced bonding rituals will make deep seated secrets emerge and change things forever.

"The reason you can never go home again isn't necessarily that places change, but people do. So nothing ever looks the same."

Part 1: Tainted Love

Covina, CA – August 3

"Cut!" The Director yelled. The cast began to move around the set busily, no doubt trying to find some shade in the relentless Californian heat in the stifling 103-degree heat of Summer.

"It's about bloody time," Caroline growled, sending her co-star a dirty look before heading towards her trailer for some much needed respite, not just from the weather but from his oversized ego.

"Sounds like someone is starting to love working with me again."

"And what makes you think that exactly, Mikaelson?" She asked spinning around, unable to help herself.

"You're using quirky English terms like bloody," he quipped, licking his crimson lips teasingly as he did it. "And by the way, you're welcome, love."

"Don't ever call me that again," she hissed, flicking her golden waves over her left shoulder then continuing on her way far from his pompous ass. Caroline had promised never to work with Klaus Mikaelson again but yet here she was still beholden to his smug attitude ten years later. Whoever said this reunion was a good idea obviously never met the real Klaus Mikaelson.

Her mind drifted back to when she decided to make that stupid decision.

9 months earlier - Denver, CO

It had been a normal day for the most part. Caroline had finished running some chores when her cell rang. She threw open the front door and dropped her shopping bags hurriedly not bothering to consult the screen before swiping to answer.

"Hello," she answered, slightly out of breath.

"Caroline, darling," she rolled her eyes, knowing that smooth voice all too well.

"Ah Lorenzo, to what do I owe the pleasure."

"What have I told you about calling me that, Forbes?"

"That you don't like it and not to do it but since when did I ever listen to you?"

"Call me naive but I thought you might have matured since leaving the craziness of Hollywood."

"Please tell me you're only calling to give me a hard time because I tormented you," she drawled, steadying herself and taking a much needed seat on the kitchen stool.

"I've missed that cheeky wit of yours, gorgeous," he chuckled. Caroline's expression softened, she really had missed her Agent. "But to answer your question, I do have a proposal."

"A proposal?" She asked curiously. "I thought I already told you I don't think of you in that way?"

"Someone's been saving up some comedic gems," he chuckled. "Netflix want to do a two-part Roswell reboot." Caroline was glad she was sitting down, that proposal she hadn't expected. It all seemed like yesterday that her life had changed.

A role on an upcoming and unique supernatural series wasn't something she ever expected. She was plucked from an audition for Colgate toothpaste at eighteen and cast in the biggest up and coming ensemble production. What Caroline hadn't expected so suddenly was to have her picture splashed across billboards and magazines. She could still remember the cringe worthy headlines, "From the ranch to the bright lights of Hollywood." Then everything snowballed.

"Another reboot, really?" She huffed thinking they needed more originality to sway her.

"It's the new thing, Caroline."

"I know, trust me I saw The Gilmore Girls," she murmured. "It was pure torture; I mean Jess was supposed to end up with Rory, you know just saying."

"I heard there were great reviews though, even though I didn't see it myself..."

"Oh come on, liar," she teased. "I seem to recall a particularly drunken debate at a questionable bar at 3am about Logan vs Jess."

"Why does your memory have to be so damn sharp?" He chided. "Logan's awesomeness aside, the script for this project is really quite outstanding."

"Oh really? Last time I checked, the writers said they'd never do a reboot."

"And they were true to their word and given their inflexible lack of vision, I couldn't be bloody happier. This is from a new, edgy writing partnership. They wrote this show called Stranger Things…."

"Are you serious?"

"Oh, you've heard of it?"

"Maybe," she groaned, realising she'd answered a little too enthusiastically.

"Apparently they were huge fans of the show, well you know except the poor special effects and…"

"Believe me I know its faults, but it was ten years ago."

"Exactly why they plan to transform it."

"I'm not really ready…"

"You've been saying that for years and I've always respected your privacy Caroline but this script is too good to ignore."

"It's not just about the script," she murmured.

"Well, as much as I hate to make this all about financials, I'm sending you an email with your offer. People want to see Maria back on screen and they are willing to pay lots for that opportunity."

She'd been silent. Usually Caroline would argue that she didn't care about fame and had no interest in making some pathetic comeback but the associated paperwork with the enticing figure was tempting. She did have a heap of mounting bills after all. That's when she'd stupidly made a deal with the devil.

"Great news, Lisa," the entertainment reporter beamed breaking Caroline's trance, her red painted lips curving upwards in direct contrast to the black microphone beneath them. "Netflix has announced a two-part special to be aired in the Fall of 2018."

"But the cast have always been coy if not adamantly opposed to any sort of reunion, in fact the executive producers and writers vetoed that concept shortly after the series finale ten years ago," Lisa commented.

"The reunion will feature different writers and crew but the six core characters are back on set in Los Angeles as we speak."

Caroline switched off the television in frustration, tired of the same repetitive news but also of E News reporter Lisa and her perky smile and those fake double D breasts swinging precariously from her brief, halter neck top, no doubt on purpose to hypnotise viewers and in turn boost dismal ratings. After all, this was Hollywood and nothing was actually real.

Trailer 3

"You know, I specifically asked for poached eggs, hold the yoke, the white and only the heads of the asparagus," Katherine complained, throwing the tray back in her assistant's direction.

"That's what it is," she insisted, albeit quietly, gesturing to the tray of lonely green stalks. Katherine rolled her eyes, she had no patience right now for this kind of argument.

"I need some sleep," she replied dismissively, waving her away before lying on the makeshift bed, soothing eye mask on the ready. Before she could relax completely, her cell sounded out loudly, that particular annoying ring tone telling Katherine just who it was.

She connected the call and held it to her ear, not bothering to speak. "You're avoiding me."

"Did you ever think I have better things to do with my life?" She sighed. Her heartbeat may have started to race but she had no intention of admitting that to this ass.

"I thought that was why you were doing this reunion, even if those glances you throw that stuffy idiot's way are pathetic."

"Are you spying on me now?" She squeaked, sitting up suddenly, her face mask long forgotten as she peered out the trailer's window. "That wasn't part of the deal."

"Last time I checked you owe me, so the methods I use to collect my money shouldn't concern you, darling," he chuckled sinisterly, disconnecting the call before she could respond. Katherine thought she was scared before but now she was petrified.

Trailer 4

"That's no way to treat me, gorgeous," Kol complained, pushing the door she'd just thrown in his face in trepidation. Bonnie had been learning lines between scenes before heading back to make-up to replace the melted foundation due to the extreme heat.

"Last time I checked, that's exactly what you deserved."

"You know, I don't need to revisit the past," he drawled. "In fact, I was hoping we could start afresh given this whole show reboot."

"Are you really that deluded, Mikaelson?"

"I guess I just hoped that we could put our issues aside for the sake of our filming schedule the next four weeks."

"Me too," Bonnie muttered, hoping rather believing that to be true. "But if you want this to work then don't ever visit my trailer unannounced." To an outside observer she seemed extremely harsh but to them it wasn't unexpected given their history was so complicated.

3 hours later…

Caroline had obviously passed out after a long day of filming, her head thick with sleep as the knocks came thick and fast at her trailer door. She raised herself sleepily, her hand self consciously checking her hair wasn't the bird's nest she imagined it to be.

"Took your time," their revered Director Alaric Saltzman drawled as she pushed open the door.

"Last time I checked, there were no more scenes to be filmed tonight," she murmured. "Unless someone switched my schedule and given this group I wouldn't put it past any of them."

"That answer says it all," he muttered. "You can't even hide your hatred for each other for five seconds."

"That's why we're actors, we're paid to pretend that we're one big, happy family," she argued. "And since when did you care, Ric?"

"Since it's ruining the general atmosphere, and even though you claim to be an actor the camera never lies," he huffed. "When I took on this reunion project it wasn't to babysit your precious asses."

"I'm..."

"Oh yes you are." Caroline knew exactly what he was going to say but didn't need to hear it yet again.

"Fine," she growled. "So, what exactly do you want?"

"Team bonding," he smirked knowingly. "But you might want to cover up."

"I'm not sure if the heat's getting to you Ric but…"

"It's more of a safety concern," he interrupted. "Covering your skin would be preferable so there's no accidents…"

"Accidents?"

"It's obvious to me that all your egos need to expend some of that combustible energy and what better way than on your very own battlefield?"

On FF HERE

[pegasusdragontiger]

My 11 Questions

I was tagged by @ohevansmycaptain

My 11 Questions:

1. First thing you do when you wake up?

 Hm I cleanse my face got into the habit as I used to work morning shift and had no time to do it as I had to be at work by 7-30am so I would wake up like about 3am to cleanse face, sit down and read fan fic and my book, then have breaky got dressed then watch the TODAY SHOW AUSTRALIA which is my lifeline and so freaken hilarious if you’re from the US look them up on you tube it will not only brighten your day but you will laugh till you cry and or pee your pants! They are that funny. Now though as I work different shifts I still cleanse my face in the morning but not so early!.

2. What song do you rock out to in the shower?

 Oh god that could be anything from U2, Led Zepplin, Beatles, Beegees, rolling stones, good charlotte, Coldplay, Adele, Fleetwood Mac, Imagine dragons, dmx. And others I can’t mention because my brain can’t think of any right now!

3. Where is your dream holiday destination?

Oh this is like I have so many like Europe, North America, South Pacific, Japan. 

4. What is your favorite comfort food?

Loaded question hands down probably chocolate.

5. Favorite Disney movie? (I know, it’s a tough one.)

 SERIOUSLY!! Aw man Beauty and The Beast, was goling to say all I can’t and seriously I can’t but. It was the first movie that I saw in a cinema, first time I saw a Brunette as a princess, first time I saw a character a female one that could read, love reading and had a MIND OF HER OWN. Some may say but it tells young girls that Stockholm syndrome is okay I say yeah I get that but fk off! The first time we saw an independent woman with a mind of her own saying no to a prick/town favourite she must marry him because it was expected of her. That having a family with only 1 parent was okay. That you could be weird and wonderful and brilliant and that was okay.

6. If you could have one wish, what would you wish for?

 I have no idea I could say world peace, but I would say that for everyone to get along, that the homeless people had places to go that people in need of support have a better system and access to it.

7. If you could spend the day with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?

 God this would be so hard!!! Like I have so many people like Robbin Williams, John Lennon, Cleopatra, Alexander the great and to pick his brain for a life time!!

8. What is happiness to you?

 Hanging round my friends and they are down, or hearing about one of my fave fan fic writers is down and doing/saying something that I did as a kid or right now and seeing them laugh and they laugh for a while and I look at them and say with an affronted face it was funny but not that funny you pee your pants! Giving hugs to them or sending them. Having them tell me that they had or are having a shit week and I made it better be being a goofball If I give someone either I know/ just met/ or talk through Ao3 or tumblr a smile or giggle or life it makes my day.

9. What is your favorite season, and why?

 Yeah this one is hard, would say Winter as you can put on layers, with Summer you can’t do anything but suffer and die and say why me! Fkn Aussie summer is just a bloody nightmare!!

 10. Do you believe in fate?

 Yes, as I had so many close calls it was fate that I randomly got a job with the place that I do just wish they’d give me more fkn shifts!

11. Why are you such an amazing human being? (I’m cheating with this one, I know.)

I had so many influences like my dad loves Looney tunes reruns/ Abbott and Costello, and others which went to my brother and he past it on to me so I have this Sarcastic humour from watching all these funny shows and other stuff. Like I have a shitty messed up life I have someone in my life and in my friend circle that have mental illness and it just, you have no choice but to get back up and keep living if you stop to think or talk about it you are in a ball in the corner doing nothing but crying and screaming in pain. Yu have no choice but to go second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and keep going in a way moving no laughing when you know you shouldn’t trying to have a life. So I know how hard it is I know how fucken shit life is. I know what it’s like to be constantly put down nearly every person in my life who I won’t ever mention has verbally put me down either about me/ my job/ not being successful not having a partner/married, not having kids, not having my own home/ or car. I have had it and continue to have it chucked in my face. Apparently, I am not allowed to have a life. So that is why to all the Authors I follow on here and Ao3 why I give you all nonstop support and encouragement, joy, laughter, affection. Because I may not get the hate mail or the verbal comments I do not like bullies, but I want you guys to feel the happiness that you give me to know that you have given me and us a gift of escape of forgetting our shit life knowing we aren’t and never alone! I don’t do it for a new update because I love giving affection and making people happy and like only 4 years ago I was able to watch Bambi and fkn not cry! To know that you guys are so talented I am going to comment as much as I can for however long I can and you all have such different and exciting ways of telling stories that it is my crack for Life!!! Love you all!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤.

My 11 questions 

1) What is your Favourite Movie and Tv show?

2) If you have a favourite Sport as a kid and now or activity?

3) Favourite Animal?

4) Favourite Colour? and why?

5) The go to song whether happy and sad?

6) Favourite Meal?

7) If you could Travel anywhere for free where would it be?

8) Which Marvel Character would you like to be?

9) Favourite Drink?

10) All time favourite book?

@ilovethings-somuch @littleplebe @mcgregorswench @glynnisi @cinnaatheart or anyone else that wants to do this no pressure!!!

[magicmenageriestuff]

3am Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) – The K.L.F.

( The Ancients of Mu Mu )

*

Alien 3  –  Paranoia In Pinewood part 2

The six stages of Film Production : as seen carved into the wall in Pinewood, Studio Five, by someone presumably better-versed in the industry than I :

Wild enthusiasm

Disillusionment

Panic

Search For The Guilty

Punish The Innocent

Reward The Non-Involved 

The above quote from the diary I kept in 1991 while filming Alien 3 in Pinewood Studios.  I released it into the atmosphere as My Pop Life #171 – Praying For Time.  I think it’s time for part 2, don’t you?

*

Somebody send me a clean version of this picture.  thanks.

Things settled down a little after the heart-thumping and deeply paranoid first month recorded in the previous episode.  No one was sacked.  I don’t think.  No one was re-cast.  There was a terrible accident one day when Sigourney’s make-up lady Linda was standing in a doorway on set – one of those science fiction doorways with a sliding panel which goes up and down with a swish.  It was a wooden contraption with a weighted pulley which failed, and it came down suddenly onto her face, right onto her nose. I wasn’t there but it was a nasty accident and she was rushed to hospital.  We never saw Linda again. Later I learned that she didn’t want to claim the medical expenses from the company, but having had a facial reconstruction and various operations I think that she eventually did settle.  Dangerous places film sets.

The cast of Alien 3 with David Fincher on set, 1991

My relationship with Sigourney had subsided into a kind of sulk, and although she would make the odd remark, the earlier fire and brimstone had calmed down a bit.  Not that we’d made up at all.  Sadly we weren’t friends.  I’d confided in other cast members – Niall Buggy thought I was completely bonkers “What are you talking about Ralph, she’s lovely!”  Pete Postlethwaite and Phil Davis felt the same way.  Dhobi Oparei too.  I was happy that they were enjoying working with her, but just as I started feeling cornered, there was Charles Dance asking me how it was all going as we waited for a set-up.  I think I was tentative at first but eventually told him what had been going on.  He confessed that he’d had the same kind of experience. “Is that how you’re going to say it?” and all of the paranoia about how clean he looked, other competitive nonsense.  I felt relieved that I wasn’t going totally mad.  It was only people she had scenes with where the behaviour occurred.  Wait – was Charles Dutton also having this relationship with her?  No.  He was a friend already and he was not the enemy.  Charlie and I have been firm friends ever since.

Charles Dance as Clemens

One day on set Sigourney and I had a scene on a balcony, after the fire. Men had died.  The Alien was trapped, locked in a loading bay. Dutton and his men were praying below us.  The scene wasn’t going well.  But we got it at around 8.00pm and Fincher pulled me aside.  “Dude.  She vampired that scene. Don’t worry I can cut around what you did, we got it.  But you’re letting her get to you.”  I think I said that I was trying to stand my ground.  “If you ever need to leave the set, take five minutes, regain your centre, just say it OK?  I got your back.”  It was another welcome acknowledgement that I wasn’t paranoid.  I went home, cuddled my lady and gritted my teeth for the long haul.  I had to try and protect my performance at the end of the day, that was what mattered.

the balcony scene is in the “director’s cut” on the DVD

As the weeks progressed, all of the actors were called in every day, in case we were needed.  First thing – put through ‘the works’ – costume and make-up – and then sat in our dressing rooms to await the call, often all day.  I often went into the next-door dressing room occupied by the Prison Governor, my boss the legend Brian Glover, who’d memorably played the gym teacher in Ken Loach‘s heartbreaking film Kes.  Brian was from Barnsley and did the voice overs for Tetley Tea Bags : ‘Tetley. Make tea bags. Make Tea.‘

Brian Glover as Andrews

Brian regaled me with stories from his days as a professional wrestler, fighting on the circuit with Giant Haystacks, Big Daddy and Mick McManus. ‘There’s money in ugly Ralph‘ he would announce, his squashed ear a keepsake of his years playing rugby.  Every 45 minutes the lovely 2nd AD Marcia Gay would knock and pop her head around the door – ‘Gentlemen. You won’t be required for the next 45 minutes. Just relax‘.  This became alarmingly irritating until one day Brian swivelled his giant head in her direction and asked ‘Is the money the same?‘  Marcia was puzzled.  ‘Yes‘ she said. ‘Well Fook Off Then!‘ shouted Brian.  Rude and fucking funny.

Fincher on the camera with Alex Thomson alongside him who had taken over as DP when Jordan Cronenweth was too ill to continue

There were eventually four units running at the same time – 1st Unit with David Fincher directing and another legend Chris Carreras as 1st AD.  The eye of any storm, the 1st AD basically runs the set, oversees all of the departments and keeps a keen eye on who is slowing the unit down.  The 1st AD is basically making the film.  Chris had an amazingly calm temperament but I saw him biting his tongue a couple of times.  Years later in 1999 I would contact him and ask him to 1st AD my film New Year’s Day, which he graciously agreed to do.  Without him it wouldn’t have got made. I was going to create a link there to the blog where I talk about the film that I wrote and which actually got made.  So scarred am I from this experience that 220 blog posts later I haven’t even started to think about discussing it.  Watch this space !

Paul McGann as Golic

Meanwhile back in Pinewood, the other 3 units which might or might not need actors for any given day were :  2nd Unit with Martin Brierly directing (and Nick Heckstall-Smith assisting, whom I would also work with later), Action Unit doing Alien Stuff and other SFX, and a Fire Unit which set fire to things and put them out while stunt guys ran around with falmes one their clothes.   We were all required, at one point or another, on all of these units.  But there were interminable days when nothing happened.  Backgammon became institutionalised, with American actors Chris Fields and particularly Holt McCallany relieving us of our wages on a regular basis with ruthless use of the doubling dice. I soon saw the error of this form of time-wasting, likewise poker and other competitive pursuits. 

Clive Mantle as William, Peter Guinness as Gregor

One day when it was clear once again that nothing was going to happen a group of us decided to wander around the studio lot and see what else was going on.  Like a bunch of escaped prisoners escorted by a correction facility officer.  That was me.  We went into one of the bigger studio buildings (Alien 3 had the majority but some were still available for hire) – I can’t remember precisely who was in that gang but I think Peter Guinness, Paul Brennan, Clive Mantle and Danny Webb certainly were. Maybe Niall Buggy and Vincenzo Nicoli too.  And there was a giant pyramid structure with lights on frames around it and people with cloaks wandering about.  We’d asked permission to visit of course, and the producers knew who we were, what we were doing there.  The band was The K.L.F. and they were shooting a video for their single 3am Eternal which had been at Number 1 in the charts that January.  A video it turned out, for the US market. We watched a take with smoke and lights, bleeps and heavy metal guitar chords, acid house beats and rap, capes and cloaks. It was all a bit mental.  Then they took a break.

We wandered into the next studio through a heavy door.  And there was Kylie Minogue, dressed for the Shocked video. We were all introduced and I became suddenly aware of a tiny elfin Australian blonde woman being dwarfed by half a dozen dirty shaven-headed prisoners from outer space.  She shook everyone’s hand then gently wandered away and asked one of her people if they could ask us politely to leave.  Which we did.  Poor love.

Kylie Minogue is Shocked at the power of love in 1991

There’s a curious link here because Bill Drummond, (who with Jimmy Cauty is The K.L.F.) had worked as an A&R man for WEA (now Warners) in London in the mid-80s and had apparently spent half a million pounds on a band called Brilliant who never quite took off.  Stock Aitken & Waterman were writers & producers for Brilliant, and Jimmy Cauty was in the band along with Martin Glover aka Youth from Killing Joke.  And Stock Aitken & Waterman were now writing and producing for Kylie, along with a vast stable of acts including Donna Summer, Mel & Kim and Jason Donovan.  Kylie & Jason had starred together in Aussie soap Neighbours, and to continue the odd waltz between the 2 acts, the K.L.F. had made a single called ‘Kylie Said To Jason‘ which was a hilarious rip-off of ‘Left To My Own Devices‘ by The Pet Shop Boys.  Confused Yet ??

Bill Drummond & Jimmy Cauty

I didn’t make any of these connections at the time.  I was listening to George Michael, Public Enemy, The Breeders. Catching up with Bob Marley and Miles Davis.  Discovering Wagner – again.  Looming on the horizon was Massive Attack. The K.L.F. seemed to me a little like The Tubes, one of my favourite bands to be sure, or the Bonzo Dog Band (see My Pop Life #77), formed by musicians who wanted to lampoon the music and the industry and anything else they could gather into their fiendish net.  Like everything was in quotes. I mean who sang along with the phrase “Ancients of MuMu” without a silly grin on their face?

And of course we were still recovering from the smiley-face rave culture moment from which the K.L.F. appeared to have emerged.  In fact they were rather more like a situationist art project that wanted to burn the whole thing down.  Anarchists.  Their career was inspired partly by the theatre show The Illuminatus Trilogy, written and directed by mad genius Ken Campbell in Liverpool where Bill had been the set designer.  He walked out one day to buy a sandwich and never came back. Later he formed his Pop Group who became The Timelords with big novelty hit Doctoring The Tardis, then The JAMS (Justified Ancients of MuMu) with the single What Time Is Love which got re-issued a number of times from 1988 onward, then The K.L.F.  Their brilliant warped career  peaked a year later in 1992 at the BRIT Awards when Drummond machine-gunned the audience of music industry execs from the stage, and a dead sheep was left at the door of the afterparty with the message “I died for you – bon appetit” attached. A few months later in May 1992 The K.L.F. announced that they had quit the music business and deleted their entire back catalogue.  Other stunts followed such as the infamous burning of a million pounds, the Soup Line, the 17 Choir and other innovative ideas.  Apparently Bill Drummond lived just down the hill from me when I was in Brighton but I never met him, I don’t think.

Niall Buggy as Eric, Danny Webb as Morse

Back on the Alien3 set a few days later it was Valentine’s Day.  I had been sent a card and an AD delivered it to me as we relaxed between shots.  It was of course from Jenny my beloved.  We were not married at that point.  And I could swear Sigourney was looking over my shoulder to see who it was from.  Hahaha.  Fincher was shooting a lot of footage.  “I’m doing long pans & track so they can’t cut into my footage” he explained one day.  It meant that when we had a group scene we could open a book on how many takes it would be.  Anything under five was unpopular.  Over twelve was possible, common even.  I think we did a tenner per set-up.  Someone wrote the names down and the number they’d chosen.  Often no one would win because we went up to Take 17 and no one wanted to put ten of your earth pounds on that.

Here’s an idea…

In fact Sigourney and I had one of our scenes discussing plans regarding telling the company their was an Alien on the planet, and playing a fella who wanted to go home to his wife and kids, rather than perish in some millennial cult group suicide, Aaron ’85’ suggested a plan.  Ripley’s response was tentatively ‘yes maybe‘.  We did a couple of wide shots, then into my single.  Can’t remember how many takes it was – probably around seven or eight.  Then turned round onto Sigourney.  David didn’t like her tone, which suggested that Ripley thought Aaron was a dick.  He didn’t think that was right at that point in the story.  So. One more.  Turn over. Sound Speed. Scene 178 take 17.  Mark it. And….Action! Blah blah blah.  Cut.  Same result.  He’s not your enemy.  Take 22.  Don’t sneer. Take 29.  You think it’s a good idea. Take 34. By which time we were all so exhausted and dizzy from the repetition that Sigourney said the line in a kind of dazed acquiescence and Fincher had the take he wanted.

About a year later in Los Angeles, after the re-shoots, I had two days of ADR in a West LA studio on Olympic Boulevard.  David remembered the scene well, 34 takes.  He’d never done ADR before though – Automated Dialogue Replacement – where you can change the inflexion, emphasis, tone, shade and meaning of a line just by using your voice and matching the lip movements on screen in front of you precisely.  Movie magic.  Some actors hate it, I made friends with the process very early on after I had to voice the whole of my performance as Danny in Withnail & I for the US market. The test screenings had indicated that audience members couldn’t understand what he was saying.  Who could? I did that piece of work at Twickenham Studios in 1987 where the engineer consoled me having to re-do my entire performance at the same speed except more intelligibly by telling me that Michael Caine had done Alfie and Bob Hoskins had also done The Long Good Friday for America.  And yet we were expected to understand Stallone’s mumbles or Pacino’s – hey that’s what it means to be an outlying part of The Empire right?  I can’t remember if I’ve ever seen the US version of Withnail but I suspect it would be a bad idea.  But having said that the experience toughened me up for future sessions.  Especially the Alien 3 session which was two long days – the reason for that was the amount of atmospheric smoke and steam in the design of the film which was very noisy to produce.  Often back in the day on big movies the Sound Department knew that they were recording a guide track only, to be completed and polished in ADR.  So here we were down on W. Olympic and David says – if I’d known about ADR in Pinewood I would never have done 34 takes just for a vocal inflection…

It’s hard to recall now in 2019 how difficult that experience was.  Jenny can remember quite clearly how I would come home every day, full of doubt, full of worry and anguish, just because I was trying to do my best work.  What a fantastic opportunity for me, but you know I was running fast just to stand still.   I remember a visual image I used to produce while trying to explain it to friends, as a learning curve which came from my chest, looped back over my head and stabbed me in the back.  I wondered if, at some point, whether the fact that we were making a horror film in space meant that we had to have a horrible experience in space.  I called Richard E. Grant one day who was shooting Hudson Hawk in Italy – another picnic – and he asked me how much I was getting. I told him. He said

“well – that’s the amount of shit you have to eat then.”

I could almost understand why Bill Drummond had formed The K.L.F.

  My Pop Life #220 : 3am Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) – The K.L.F. 3am Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) - The K.L.F. ( The Ancients of Mu Mu )

[deerstalker-detective]

As you all know, I have started University (finally) and living alone i.e. away from any family (also finally I think?). I hope no one ever thought it’s a cake walk, cause that is utterly and entirely false.

Now, let’s not say that it’s a terrible experience, because it isn’t. I enjoy living alone and being mistress of my own destiny, or rather, daily schedule.

Just kidding. I don’t really have one.

For one thing I’ve become more responsible. I wake up early everyday, a first for my entire life it seems. I cook my own food, not a first, but it means budgeting and trying to cram in as many healthy eats in a world where salad costs twice as much as a McDonalds burger. Looking at the produce section of FreshCo, which is the cheapest place for grocery shopping in Canada, no sh*t we have issues with obesity today.

And then there’s living in a house with other women.

Now, I have had this experience before. Coming from a large family with considerably more women then men, you’d think I’d be used to it. Not really. It certainly didn’t prep me for the disaster I faced in the Philippines. But then, there were twenty one women to 3 bedrooms and the same number of washrooms, shared with at least one woman who I’d had tensions with in high school (ah those days, those blessed, horrid days…) so I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t expect any conflict.

Now what makes my stay in this house and the one in Philippines so different from any other student renting out while studying, or even living in Residence or Rez as they call it? It is because we’re a Catholic Woman’s House. Yup, a house of Catholic, and this year including one Christian, women renting the entire house together.

I live in community with other women, so it’s not your typical Rez where the only time you see your roommate is at breakfast (if you eat any), during parties, where everyone is probably too drunk to have a straight conversation, or at night, where he/she is probably studying or asleep so you gotta channel your non existent inner ninja or making out with their partner so that’s always awkward and only makes you wanna get into bed and turn the other way. Assuming you’re not into voyeurism (yuck).

Thankfully, we each have our own room and only a few of us are dating, and even the daters don’t subject us to the scene I mentioned above, for which I am eternally grateful. But that aside, it is not your typical house or Rez.

For one thing, we pray together. You probably expected that when I wrote ‘Catholic’ earlier and I’m happy if you did. It’s at least the one time in the day when we’re all together, at one place, doing one thing, praying for ourselves and each other. It’s a focal point in our day, and often the starting point because it is in the morning. And though it is barely 5-7 minutes, I feel it gives my day a boost. Not everyone has morning class, so inevitably it leads to morning banter, which is surprisingly fun. I say that because I’m like that meme that says ‘don’t talk to me till I have my morning cup of coffee or I will murder you.’

For another, it is a place of support. I have surprised myself by being able to open up to these women about my life and problems. Those who know me, including my best friend, will agree that I am an island state. Past experiences taught me that being open leaves me open to getting hurt, but I have overcome that in this house. Not to say I will definitely not get hurt, but I have learned to be vulnerable. 

While I haven’t shared my life story with everyone of them, I have shared certain experiences that I would only with my diary.

What’s more, I have learned to be of support to them, giving back what they’ve given me. That’s not a new experience for me per se, but it is gratifying to be a sounding board when so needed.

And there are so many other little things that are different as well. We study together, cook together, go grocery shopping together… I hate shopping otherwise, but with one other person at least it’s not too bad… We even eat together, that is if they are at home at the time.

It is different. Not exactly like living with family, but it is along those lines I think.

To add to that, we have a Catholic Men’s House too. That is definitely a new experience for me, as I have become good friends with the people there is a short span of time, something which is rare for me. What is also new is how familiar I am with them, where we can go to each other’s houses (so long as it isn’t past curfew) and just chill together.

I have never invited my male friends home, I can do that freely here (though I haven’t yet as I’m not good enough friends with them yet for that level of familiarity). And these are good men, men who respect women and treat us like they would their sisters, or at least as friends, given that at least one of them is dating at least one of us. Which brings me again to the point of how respectful and great the daters are about not making the situation awkward for the rest of us, as it is expected of Catholics before marriage. I am perfectly serious, for they’ve restored to an extent my faith in relationships today.

That’s on the days when I stay in the living room. I have a whole new appreciation for living alone, in the sense of having my own bedroom where I can hang out and study or just chill, listening to music or playing my piano, reading my favourite books or textbooks, or even just staring at the ceiling thoughtlessly.

It is where I practiced my room decorating skills, as you can see in the pictures above. I love Harry Potter, and these two quotes suited my needs perfectly. Also, Macklemore rocks and the writing on the wall kept me working till 3am on a bare wall that I detested with a Sharpie. It’s no Picasso, but it’s me, and it reminds me to keep working on my skills, both as a writer and musician.

Dumbledore gave many pearls of wisdom. This one about music resonates with how I use my music to deal with my low days

I love reading. I am an absolute bookworm. Being a visual thinker, it literally apparates into new worlds, so this quote is perfectly placed above my novels and textbooks

In the past year I began to silence and the loneliness that came with it, so my Spotify playlist was always on or I’d spend hours watching anime, Supernatural or Rizzoli and Isles, but now I appreciate the silence as ‘me time’. I rarely play music in my room now. It is a place of solitude for me, and also where I deal with my issues through a good dose of piano or guitar sessions. It’s what I did when we had our first house conflict (sort of) and that reminded me again how blessed I am to have a talent for music and its therapeutic effect on me. I missed having a piano in the last year, and I’m glad I spent them 180 bucks on this keyboard.

Which brings me to the whole point of today’s post. Living alone need not be a completely sublime experience, mine certainly isn’t, but living alone in this house has taught me more about myself than anywhere else. And it’s given me a conviction that living alone need not be a terrible experience either, especially if it is in a house like this.

Living Alone – A Synopsis As you all know, I have started University (finally) and living alone i.e. away from any family (also finally I think?).