#3am & im feeling sick
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They just bombed one of the last hospitals in Gaza and so far 1500 have been confirmed dead.
#palestine#3am & im feeling sick#hell my cat actually puked before i do#thats why im awake at 3.. but anyways#watch me get anons bc tumblr has always failed the vibe check ❤️
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sneepy cozy....
#cats#(medical stuff mention for tags)#poasting confortable image of boye for peace and serenity and such forthe#I have little weird episodes sometimes where I get shaky (but like violently like 'would spill a drink if you were holding it beacuse#your hands are moving so much' type shaky) and weird and sick feeling but usually it passes in an hour or less. but last night I just#literally couldnt sleep I was shaking so much and my heartrate was up a ton and wouldn't go down even after like 6 hours plus super nausea#so I went to the hospital and now shall wear a heart monitor for a week. which hopefully it's just some weird drastic low blood sugar#event or something and there's nothing actually going on. ekg + ct scan for blod clots + virus panel + almost all of the blood work seems#normal so... aa.......#Though me being so privacy focused hrggh... I basically have a constantly bluetooth connected device around me#since the monitor comes with a cell phone that is constantly transmitting data to the place. which they said they'll call you#if they see anything weird which is also scary. random phone calls... but definitely better than letting an issue go unadressed lol#the phone is also not meant to be more than 10 feet away from the monitor at any time so I put on this old tactical fishing#vest thing thats like navy green with 100 pockets and im just using one of the giant pocketson the side as a phone holder#my enormous silly vest just to keep one little phone#ANYWAY... because I got up early the morning before and didn't sleep at all and spent nearly all day in waiting rooms and such#I have been awake for like 32 hours striaght. which I'm sure also does not help with an elevated heartrate lol#feeling shrimp emotions or whatever people talk about unlocking at a certain level of stress and sleep deprivation#and also no food or water. after a while they brought me like 3 saltines and some ice water but I basically also haven't eaten since 3am#last night and it's 2pm now..#thus............ bapy............. baby boye....... he will help ease all ailments with his baby powers...#And no I dont drink energy drinks or anything with caffiene really I'm afraid of all substances on the planet essentially#My body just likes to become shaky and weird randomly even when I'm not conciously anxious about anything/have had no caffiene/etc#and I guess I'm always more nervous about getting anything heart related checked out because of my arm/shoulder/chest area injury stuff#... i literally have constant chest pain all the time. it moves around but i nearly always have some sort of pain or pressure in my chest#so when people are like 'oh well a little weird heartrate is fine but watch out if you have pain!' it's like... i always do lol.. how am I#supposed to tell the Bad Pain apart from the Always Pain when the descriptions of Bad Pain are very very similar#AAAANYway.... hrghh... i wanted to be very productive and finally post drafts and wrok on things today. but alas..#I can at least post small image of soft boye.. though he recently got into stuff in the bathroom whilst left#alone and knocked things into the toilet.. So perhaps not an innocent and NICE boy.. but still.. a soft one .. beautfile....
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it’s crazy to me that more people don’t ship astarion and wyll when at least in my experience of all the companions they have by far the most flirty dialogues to/about each other. and like. the monster x monster hunter. the disowned noble son x runaway slave. the beloved hero x the misunderstood monster. like come onnn like i know it’s the racism but
#only 32 fics im gonna be sick#i need to write something for them and shadowheart/lae’zel#emily speaks#bg3#i swear anytime wyll says something about astarion he needs to let you how charming he finds him first#also that line where astarion said he dreamed as a kid of married a heroic man like wyll.. is no one else feeling unnormal about this like#ignore the typos it’s like 3am and i’m on mobile having Thoughts and Feelings
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i got offered the promotion at work.... why am i every business owners wettest dream damn....
#yapping#yes my ocd is horrible for my mental health but boy is it good for my wallet !!!!#its not OFFICIAL yet#but it was offered to me and i accepted so theyre seeing how they want to proceed now#cause its not just about me theres a shit ton of changes they want to make that include switching like 5 peoples schedules around#but my team leader said that most of those changes being possible depended on whether i would accept this or not#so well see#id be a team leader myself now#the feminine urge to become a power hungry dictator control freak at work.......#id be switching from my current early morning shifts to late night shifts which is much less healthy on paper#but my body is made for sleeping late i physically can not go to bed before 3am even now when i wake up at 5:30#i might have the money to renovate my apartment now cause i think this comes with a 20% pay increase which is a lotttt#i basically will be earning two incomes myself now 😭#dani said he fully believes Ace Of Spades exists at this point cause everything always ends up going my way in the end#i know it may seem like im flexing but please be aware when i started this job a year and a half ago i was borderline homeless 😐#so its a huge deal for me 😭 and really quickly done as well which is why its so insane#like. in a year and a half only i went from borderline homeless and my parents keeping me on constant phonecalls#cause they were worried id off myself if i hung up#to being a homeowner that earns two incomes by herself while working from home#i feel like in most companies hard work doesnt rly pay off tbh i was just lucky to get into one of the few companies where they do value it#the literal CEO is my biggest dickrider 😭 but i do appreciate him giving me raises randomly cause he feels like i deserve it#but yeah !!!! apparently life altering anxiety that forces you to compulsively do perfect work at any job you ever do#because making mistakes and not giving it your 110% feels like a moral failure so you feel sick at the very thought of it#is apparently what makes the dream worker#if only they knew i dont actually care about this in any capacity.... i am just fucked in the head in a way that works im their favour 😭#this is why all of my ex bosses begged me to stay when i quit teehee#im yapping too much but yeah !! heall yeah money !!
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this chap is going to kill me
#chaps singular? one half of chaps?#if i cannot start rhinestoning it tomorrow im going to expload#i gotta lock da hell in so i can sleep before 3am PLEASESEEE staying up actually makes me feel so sick but i gawdda#btext
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this is a psa: if someone is wearing a mask dont fucking pressure them into taking it off. "it's fine you dont need it covid is just a cold nowadays" shut the fuck up you are wrong biting you biting you biting you
#kell.txt#my father pestered me until i took my mask off every day i saw him last week and now im sick as all fucking hell#last night i woke up at 3am and only managed to go back to sleep at 6am. my throat is sore my nose is clogged and i feel like death#and im pissed at myself for giving in and taking my mask off
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Posting while pride month is still dragging onwards and upwards, the aroace spec struggle artist style by yours truly
#🌩nebulous' art🌒#tiktok#conan grey#artsona#persona#art#digital art#aroace#aromantic#pride#asexual#aromantic spectrum#people watching#shipping#aroace spec#this is basically my struggle in art form bc i was going thru it at like 3am and wanted to visualise it#also ive been a bit sick recently so im better now which means more art hooray#well anyway#the inspiration for this was how aroace people can ship people and enjoy the content#without being able to or wanting to feel it themselves#and to me thats like woah thats totally what the living through you vicariously part is TALKIN ABT#but also obviously personal opponion#but yes thats so me for real so enjoy my brain child#brownie points if you can guess the ship i drew#(theyre humanised versions thats your ONLY clue good luck)#fanfiction#also a big part of my thought process shoutout to AO3#pride month
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harry’s defeated look using his cane and staring at the ruins of the Foundation i’m gonna be sick why does this game want to hurt me so badly
#insomniac spoilers#LIKE?? BRO LET ME REACH THROUGH THE SCRENE AND HELPHIM OH MYGOD#INSOMNIAC MAKING ME A HARRY FAN AT 3AM????#it’s so heartbreaking!!! he finally felt like he was getting better!! and then it left him and then the foundation burnt!!! IM SO SICK!!!!!#his mother leaves him when she dies. his symbiote the thing keeping him alive leaves him. the foundation which was his beating heart +#basically and his soul burnt down to hell and he feels alone . grug get the fiona apple playlist im not driving tonight
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#hhhhh i made the mistake of opening something triggering thinking i could handle it now but nope#i feel sick lmao#in my head im still sobbing in that orange room at 3am#it feels like yesterday to me#being on the other side of the country and not being able to do anything about what had already happened#its going to haunt me till the day i die#im trying so hard to not break down rn like i didnt even read very far but mentally putting myself in that position again...#...i cant do it.#ive worked so hard to bottle all of that up over the past almost 7 years now#and just barely thinking about it is enough to get me sobbing#idk how anyone ever gets over that#how anyone can read that happening if theyve had that happen irl#im going to regret the things i didnt do forever#its my fault and i didnt do enough#vent / /#personal / /#delete later / /
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Throws my head at the wall until I'm just kind of a bloodied mess
#finally figured out one of the big reasons I've been so anxious recently and now I'm both sad and sick feeling#why did I have to realize this at 3am... im just so tireeedddd.... at the very least I understand the issue a bit better
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#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#do i feel like garbage because i stayed up till 3am#or did i stay up because i feel like garbage#is there a difference#1-4am is by far THE best time to experience the feeling of your heart caving in#a bottomless pit that you can throw feelings into forever#makes me sick to my stomach#reasons not to stop smoking#i need something very specific and im not sure where im gonna get it if at all#but if i dont i might what kill myself
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#lol#last night and through 3am#i was like#huh i really dont feel right#like i was just feeling off and then feeling pretty restless#and now I'm waking up getting violently ill and it all makes sense#except for the fact that i only ate a salad and 2 pieeces of bread yesterday????#im pretty sure im done getting sick now and i can go back to bed but#i am fearful lol#of getting back in bed and still feeling sick and off
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determined to get more than 4 hours of sleep tonight 😤‼️‼️ i really need to sleep more ‼️
#DOESNT HELP THAT MY BROTHER IS STILL AWAKE AND IS LOUD 👎👎#LITERALLY SCREAMING AND KICKING THE WALL 👎👎👎#also i need to remind him not to force me to stay up late to wake him up early so that he can take a nap then do homework#like it’ll be 1am and he’ll be like hey i wanna take a nap so can u wake me up at like 3am so i can do homework#and ill be like bruh whatever fine 😑 cause i dont want him to mess up in school 😑#i think im forced to put up with too much but its a me problem cause if i dont help then i start feeling like anxious and sick idk
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hi
#i just wanna rant to someone about how ill i was#there was blood pouring out of my nose at 3am#i didnt sleep for a week#i didnt eat or drink for a week#i threw up everything for a week#ive been high several times bc of the amount of meds ive taken#IM TAKING LIKE EIGHT MEDS A DAY#I WAS HIGH#NEED I SAY MORE#nobody messaged me asking if i was okay apart from my aunty#FEEL SYMPATHY FOR ME#IVE BEEN SICK FOR THREE WEEKS STRAIGHT
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Kinda happy that sometimes when my body goes into an anxiety attack, my mind is unaffected. Like, it's shaking violently and I'm in pain and all but nothing particular makes me think anxious thoughts.
But at the same time I'm so angry bc I cannot calm my body down and cannot sleep and i'm just suffering with stomach pain and feeling cold.
#like#wow improvemeny#to some direction#im currently in so much pain I wanna cry but im also so tired#does this happen to you?#its also 3am#i feel like throwing up and that scares me#i've been sick for a week with cold so idk if thats the issue or not but#hhhh I hate this#it scares me still a bit
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thinking . about spiderbit specifically
#havent thought about them in such a long time but it's just hit me in the stomach at 3am and i feel SICK ...#the early days where the yearning was so fucjing intense im gonna throw up. all qcellbit wanted was qroier be cared about nothing else .#to love like that............ ougfgc#chrome cries
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