#3 weeks and 7 days worth of hard work

[nova-rogue]

<< The Perfect Legend >> !!

[simmer-until-tender]

Things about the sims 1 that make you feel like you're trapped in a post-WW2 suburban dystopia

1. The game has no days of the week. The game is, in a sense, "locked in time"

2. The sims work every day. NO HOLIDAYS.

3. The easiest way to make money and maintain relationships is to have one "breadwinner" sim and one sims who stays home. The classic 50s nuclear-family way of life.

4. Making money or friends when you live alone is quite hard. In a lot of ways, you get married in order to live an easier life.

5. You cannot quit your job, you can only be fired.

6. Children never grow up.

7. Sims never get old.

8. A tabloid is delivered to your house every day. Make sure to gossip about your neighbors!

9. The music makes you feel like you're trapped in a 50s shopping mall.

10. NPCs are not real sims. They're just lower-class automatons that live to serve the playable sims.

11. Using the toilet is so inappropriate of that your ENTIRE BODY is blurred out.

12. There is no weather or seasons. It is always sunny outside. This also contributes to the warped sense of time, and the sense that the sims are living inside of a 1950s sitcom world instead of in a real place.

I understand why people mod it, as playing it out-of-the-box is subject to all the above things and that gets old, but I definitely think it's worth playing the un-modded game for a bit first to really get the eeriness of the original game.

It's a really thoughtfully crafted game.

[being-addie]

Healthy habits I'm developing for 2023

It's already April and I'm still in that rut of sleeping at 2am, buying a quick fix of candy at the store when I have fruit at home, eating too many carbs and skipping the gym. Now, I'm getting my shit together.

It's easy to disguise bad habits with excuses. "Oh, I have exams coming up". "Work's been really draining lately". But if you don't change now, you'll be stuck in that same loop for the rest of your life.

Prioritising health:

Sleeping 7-8 hours every night: To end my absolutely atrocious amount of screen time, I've decided to delete all those distracting apps on my phone. It's hard, but worth it. Now I won't be tempted to scroll on Instagram when I should be sleeping.

Making healthy food choices: Choosing homemade granola over chocolate bars, banana bread over Nutella sandwiches, and homemade nachos over packaged chips makes a huge difference.

Working out: l go to the gym daily, but lately, I've been lazy and slacking off. So I want to start going again along with squeezing in a run in the evening. Finishing at least 8k steps every day. Moving my body in some way, whether it's dance or yoga.

Water: I have a bad habit of forgetting to drink water, even when it's right in front of me. So I've downloaded some water reminders to help me remember to drink. I've also decided to incorporate lemon honey iced tea into my diet because I'm a fiend for it.

Working smart:

Creating a to-do list: Committing to knocking off at least three things on a to-do list and gradually increasing the number of tasks.

Keeping devices away: I've started keeping my phone in my mom's room while I work, or I lock it in my cupboard so I won't get distracted, and I use extensions like WasteNoTime and StayFocusd to block unnecessary websites.

Dividing time: Making a schedule for my day, so I can divide school studies, sketching practice and homework. It is so important to block out parts of the day for morning and night routines and self-care.

Cleansing my life:

A clean workspace: Clean up my desk every day, so I can sit in an uncluttered space, and keep my racing mind calm.

Making my bed: Focusing on making sure my bed is clean first thing in the morning, so I have a place that's clean and warm after a long day.

Deleting social media: It was difficult, but I did it. Fighting the temptation to log in again is real, but I'm slowly coming to realise I don't care what people are posting on their stories, and the FOMO is slowly fading.

Toxic people: Getting rid of toxic friends, and deleting numbers and chats of people are who no longer important in my life. Having access to me is a privilege.

Self-care: Every Sunday, I'm setting aside a few hours for myself. During that time, I'll be having a long shower, deep conditioning my hair, using a scrub and exfoliator, shaving, moisturizing, and eating something nice. I'll be baking something for the rest of the week so I won't resort to junk food for dessert or snacks.

Understanding and knowing what you want in life is the first step to beginning your journey. Don't let others make you feel guilty for putting yourself first. It's your life, and ultimately, it's only you who can change it.

<3

[nolita-fairytale]

Meeting Pastry Chef Luca from The Bear For the First Time Headcanon

a/n: inspired by @superhoeva, i thought i'd take a crack at writing a chef luca headcanon because we're all dying rn for will poulter as a sticker-sleeve tattooed chef. would anyone read this as a fic?? let me know.

edit: (7/3/23) i turned this into a fic called 'burn your life down.' feel free to read if you'd like!

you own a small restaurant in copenhagen. it's only been open for a year (this could potentially change if i write said fic). it's nothing fancy, but the food has soul. the food is an extension of yourself -- it tells the story of you.

inspired by noma, you grow some of your own produce outside of the restaurant in raised garden beds.

you begin to notice (as it's an open kitchen) and a smaller spot, that a tall, blonde brit has become one of your regulars. he comes in the same day each week at the same time. he always looks tired, like he's unwinding from a long day's worth of hard work, but he's always kind to your staff, and he has a quiet, powerful confidence to him.

week after week, he's there. he always orders one dish and one glass of wine, before paying the bill and leaving for the evening without a word.

your staff speculate about him: who is he, what must he do, that he's so handsome that he must have a partner. you don't pay much attention to the gossip, but it's hard not to notice that it's become part of his routine.

he always orders something different -- eager to try any new kind of special that you have on the menu that day.

it's not till one slower night of service that you finally meet him. you're short staffed that night and so you end up running plates out to tables -- finding it a great opportunity to connect more with your diners on a personal level. it's a very american hospitality concept, but since you have the time, you figure, why not?

he comes in at his usual time on sunday evening and you're curious to learn more about your weekly diner. you introduce yourself after walking his plate out and he's surprised that it's you who's serving him this evening.

"you're the chef?" he asks. "yes." "i can't think of the last time i saw a head chef work front of house..." he shakes his head in disbelief. "we're a little short staffed tonight." he seems impressed, raising his glass of wine to you. "cheers."

at the end of dinner service, one of your servers hands you a handwritten note that luca's left for you, inviting you to the restaurant he works at. the note reads: "thank you for all of the great meals. i'd like to return the favor, that is, if you're open to it," followed by a time, a date for tomorrow, and an address.

as soon as you realize which restaurant it is (much fancier, michelin starred, held in high regard) you only panic a little, but decide to go anyways. since both of your restaurants are closed on monday, you're even more nervous about the fact that you're meeting him at his tonight, while it's closed, considering you've barely had a conversation with him and how intimidating of a reputation the restaurant has.

he greets you at the door, right on time, and he leads you past the closed dining room, back to the kitchen where he's created a few dishes for you to try: two from his regular menu and one inspired by a dish of yours he's had.

"all of this... you did all of this for me... why?" you muster up the courage to ask. "your food is inspired and i don't think i've had something this inspired in a long time. and as chefs, this is what we do. we feed each other." and it's the beginning of, you're not quite sure what, but whatever it is, you're glad he walked into your restaurant however many weeks ago.

[genericpuff]

Here's your regular service reminder that $48k/year sounds like a dream come true to people who have never made a living off their art or comics before, until you factor in the following:

Cost of assistants which is out-of-pocket (some creators literally don't hire assistants because of this which makes the process of meeting their deadlines even harder)

Cost of additional tools necessary to making webtoons and meeting deadlines, such as paying for drawing software, 3D models, etc.

Cost of emergency services such as healthcare are not covered by WT, so if your health deteriorates while you're working on your comic (which it often does for many creators whose bodies are destroyed from working long hours at a desk 7 days a week), WT will not help you.

No paid vacation time, no paid sick leave, no accommodations for people with kids, disabilities, etc. meaning if you have to take time off, WT will not be covering it.

Speaking of vacation time, Webtoons ONLY pays creators for completed and submitted episodes, meaning they will not pay you for pre-production time leading up to a series release OR have your back when you have to go on hiatus. Some creators manage multiple series to make ends meet and avoid stretches of unpaid hiatuses (IIRC I believe KitTrace does this with Nevermore and Shiloh rotating on and off hiatus one at a time) and others simply have to go without pay relying solely on their Patreons and other forms of income when they go on hiatus. And, as we've seen in the past, when they return from hiatus is often up to Webtoons, not them.

That $48k is basically just an average ballpark of what Webtoons pays creators for a season of content, and for those who recall, FastPass earnings are not given to creators until they make back that payment.

It's really hard to get people to FastPass when Webtoons is deliberately not advertising your series and, in some cases, outright SABOTAGING your attempts to advertise.

I don't even know if that $48k is before or AFTER taxes, I'm assuming before considering this is a self-employment contract, meaning you likely have to put away a good few thousand for taxes depending on your state tax rate and what you're able to write off. This also includes having to track assistant expenditures for filing.

The 60-80+ hour weeks many creators are having to pull to meet their deadlines turns that $48k/year into an ASTOUNDING drum roll ... $11 - $15/hour! Which is just barely over minimum wage in many states, and absolutely 100% not a living wage in most! And that's BEST CASE scenario in which you don't pay an assistant, don't suffer any health expenses, don't pay for 3D models / software, and POSSIBLY don't pay your taxes. Yaaaaay! 😒🖕

TL : DR $48k/year hasn't been a salary worth bragging about since 2005 ESPECIALLY not for such high-demand specialized work like this, fuck you Webtoons <3

[ixhika-jsx]

𝖼𝖼::⌗ -⌗𝖼𝖼:: ?? ⌗ -⌗

Top Secrets of Straight-A Students by Bullet Journals

Scrolling away from this post just proves you being an average student....go on scroll away you are doing good by decreasing competition. 🫶🏻😽

1.) They get to class early. Getting to class early gives you time to be prepared and ready to study. Review your notes from the day before, lay out all your supplies (notebook, water bottle, pens, etc). You can also ask the teacher any questions you had about the material.

2.) They get ahead. The second they get an assignment, no matter when it is due, they do it. This is so so helpful. Do NOT procrastinate. You just end up being exhausted and tired. It's not worth it. You might as well finish once you get it. Life will be so easy, believe me.

3.) They have an organized schedule. They figure out a schedule that works for them. They make sure to include time for extracurriculars, breaks, meal times, etc. Try to map out EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of your day.

4.) They prepare. They lay out their clothes for the next day, they finish their homework early, they even plan out what they will have for their meals for the next few weeks and what exercises theyt will be doing.

5.) They enjoy learning and want to learn. They aren't just there because they have to be. They have ajust there because they have to be. They have a strong desire to learn. When you want to learn (even if you fake it) you usually do better on exams and papers.

6.) Everything is organized. Their desk has nothing on it but their Mac, their pens are neatly on the shelf in small cups, they make their beds the second they get out of bed. They have a filing system, so the second they get papers back they put them in the files. When everything of yours has a home it's a lot easier to study and be productive.

7.) They treat school like their job. They may have other part-time jobs, but they know that school is their main focus, and it should therefore be treated as a job. Not wanting to be fired from your job corresponds with not wanting to fail your classes. They therefore work as hard as they can and try to "impress" the boss.

8.) They give it everything they have. They are dedicated, have goals, and know what they want. They don't want to "just get through high school/college." They want to learn, they want to become successful, and most are even aiming for goals such as valedictorian. They won't accept B's or C's. (Please note that while it is very good to have high standards. getting a lower grade once in awhilehigh standards, getting a lower grade once in awhile isn't that big of a deal!!!)

9.) They keep themselves happy and healthy. They take well deserved breaks (only when everything is done), they have "off" days, they get enough SLEEP and WATER, and they keep themselves fit doing yoga, running, cardio, etc.

10) They don't mind helping other people. They don't turn a blind eye to people who need help. Instead they use it as a teaching experience, and help the student through the problem or whatever they need help with. Teaching people is super helpful. I sometimes write on my whiteboard and pretend that I am teaching an imaginary (I'm such a loser but it helps;).

[ladykailitha]

The Hellfire Exotic Club Part 11

Just two more chapters to go. The tension is ramping up and you're gonna want to hold on to your seats. This is the penultimate chapter before everything is revealed. And hooboy is it going to be great fun.

In this we find out who the cleaner was and he gives Eddie the final clue he needs to stop his troubles once and for all.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

~

Eddie enjoyed watching the cleaning crew. They were like bees in a hive, not bumping up against each other or trying to do the same tasks. Cleaning up after some days was hell, like Tuesdays and Saturdays and he always made sure to pay extra on those days.

That said, he really didn’t know any of them. The only familiar faces were the foremen. Eddie has asked the head forman about it once and was told that cleaning Hellfire was such a cushy job that he rotated teams so that everyone got a chance at it.

So imagine his surprise when one of the cleaners stopped Steve on his way out of the dressing room for a short chat.

It looked a little heated, if Eddie was being honest and was about to step in when Steve broke away from the conversation and drifted his direction.

Eddie cocked his head toward the cleaner. “Who was that?”

“An old friend of mine,” Steve said with a shrug. “I didn’t realize he had fallen on such hard times. Apparently his mom broke her hip and hasn’t been able to work for the last year.”

“That’s rough,” Eddie said, and waved his arm for Steve to go first. “I don’t know how much the cleaners make, but maybe if he puts in an application we can find him something to do here. Hell, he could work in the kitchen if Monty liked him well enough.”

His chef was a thin, wiry looking fellow, but he knew how to make the best club food anyone had ever tasted. He was also particular about who worked with him. But Monty could always use an extra hand or two and it would never hurt to try.

“I’ll let him know the next time I see him,” Steve said with a fond smile. “He’s also got a little brother in college, maybe have him apply too. Couldn’t hurt. What’s the least that’s going to happen, you say no? They won’t be any worse off for applying.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed. He didn’t think that he would hire either of them if he was honest, but like Steve said, they wouldn’t be worse off for it. “So how was Creepy McCreepy?”

Steve bumped Eddie with his hip. “Henry Creel was fine. He’s just passing through, by the way, Mr. Worry Wort. I think he has bigger fish to fry then some high end exotic dancing club. Not that this place isn’t worth scalping, but I think he’s aiming for higher?”

“World domination?” Eddie teased, leaning into Steve space.

He laughed and nudged him away with his elbow. “Yeah, probably.”

~

Eddie ended up meeting with Steve’s friend because the guy needed consistent money coming in and while cleaning job paid okay, it really didn’t have many regular clients other than the club. Mostly they cleaned up after major sporting events, political conventions, stuff like that. And with their boss Murray always rotating the crew who cleaned the club, some weeks were good, others not so much.

Eddie had to admit that guy cleaned up really good. With his hair out of his face and wearing nice clothes, he wasn’t bad to look at.

“Jonathan Byers?” he said, rising to greet him from a table he had sectioned off for the interview.

“Yeah,” he said, shaking Eddie’s hand. “Thanks for agreeing to see me.”

Eddie smiled. “No problem. I’m sorry to hear about your mom.”

“Thank you.”

Eddie pulled out three pages and spread them out in front of Jonathan. “There are three positions open right now, let’s see if you fit any one of them.”

He pointed to the first one. “This is for the busser position. Basically you go around after people have left to take away plates and glasses as well as pick up any tips. You’ll get a small portion of the tips but mostly it’s a flat rate of $15 an hour.”

Jonathan nodded.

“This one is for a cook’s assistant,” Eddie said tapping on the second one. “Often called a prep chef in bigger kitchens. Basically you’ll prepare everything for the chef and put it in the fridge for him to grab as he goes. You’ll get here at 4pm and leave at 8pm when the club opens. Pay is $22 an hour because it’s only four hours a day.”

Again Jonathan nodded. “That makes sense.”

“And finally the waiter position,” Eddie said. “This one in the highest paid, but also the most demanding. You’ll only have two days off a week and you’ll work from 8pm-2am. Base pay is $15 an hour, but you get a set amount of tips every night. Usually it’s percentage, but if it’s a rough night, you’ll see a base pay of $200 in tips for the night. You aren’t expected to pimp for tips as it were, as you aren’t the main attraction. You’ll be invisible for most of the time and some will even get mad at you for blocking their view of the show.”

“Wow,” Jonathan said. “That’s really fucking generous.”

“I try to be,” Eddie said cocking his head to side, “because living in this hellscape we call American Capitalism is hard enough without having to worry about not having enough money for shit.”

“Can I take these with me and then send over my resume for the position I’m most interested in applying for?” Jonathan asked, placing his hand over the a couple of the pages.

“Sure thing,” Eddie said. “I have copies on my computer. I’ll give you to the end of the week, otherwise I’m going to have to start looking elsewhere.” He stood up and Jonathan did the same.

“That’s fair,” Jonathan said, holding up the pages. “Thanks for this. Because you gave me a chance, even if I don’t end up working here.”

They shook hands.

“Let me walk you to your car,” Eddie said, waving his arm for Jonathan to go first.

He huffed out a laugh. “I don’t have a car right now, my girlfriend is coming to pick me.”

“Then I’ll wait with you,” Eddie offered.

Jonathan considered it a moment and then shrugged. “Sure, man. Whatever.”

They walked out to the curb and chatted about Jonathan’s family and how his mom was doing. “My brother is going to be famous one day,” Jonathan said with pride. “He is such an amazing painter, his work should be hung galleries.”

“Yeah?” Eddie said with a smile. He knew that tone of voice. It was the same tone Wayne got when he talked about him. “So what did baby Jonathan Byers want to be when he grew up?”

“This is going to sound so weird,” Jonathan said with a smirk, “but a bug photographer. Not wild life in general. Bugs. Creepy crawlies. Insects and spiders. I loved that shit as a kid. I don’t know how many times I freaked out my mom by bringing in a new bug to take pictures of and then release back into the wild.”

“Young Eddie would have loved you,” he said softly. “I liked bugs and critters you aren’t supposed to go anywhere near. Raccoons, possums, squirrels. Baby Eddie loved them all. My mom,” he wagged his hand back and forth, “not so much.”

“There she is now,” Jonathan said jutting his chin at the red hatchback pulling into the parking lot.

Eddie pursed his lips and resolved not to say a damn word until she did.

And oh boy did she ever. She got out of the car and immediately started yelling at Jonathan.

“What on earth are you doing here?” she cried. “I thought you had an interview.”

Eddie tilted his head to side. “Not an interview yet, more like a fact finding mission. But I like him.” He grinned at her.

“I forbid you from working here!” she shrieked. “This is a den of sin! I have vowed to take it down.”

“Nancy,” Jonathan said warningly. “We’ve had this discussion. If I didn’t work at every place you found morally objectionable, I wouldn’t be able to work at all. I just need something stable until Will graduates and Mom can move around on her own again.”

“When you told me that Steve was working in this hive of iniquity ,” Nancy growled, “I made it my responsibility to shut it down once and for all. To save Steve, to save you from having to sweep the vile filth from its floors.”

“What?!” Jonathan cried. “I didn’t tell you Steve was working here to have you go on one of your crusades. I told you because Steve was a good friend when both of you were dancing ballet together.”

“It’s a sin!” she cried one more time.

“So is fornication,” Jonathan huffed. “And breaking and entering and a shit ton of other things you do that are supposedly okay as long as you do them.”

Nancy folded her arms and stomped her foot. “That’s not the same and you know it. They have actual fucking nights dedicated to a specific deadly sin. I may have broken a few laws in my time, but I would never stoop the depths of depravity that his club sinks to!”

“You continue with this vendetta,” Jonathan warned, “and I swear to God, we’re through. There is nothing wrong with what they do. So what if people see them naked. Don’t go see it. Your rights stop at their personhood. You can only dictate what you do and not anyone else.”

He turned to Eddie. “Can you take me home? I don’t think I want to be in the same car as her.”

“Sure thing, man,” he replied, thumbing behind him. “Just let me lock up and I’ll be right out.”

When he came back Nancy had gone and Jonathan looked like a kicked puppy.

“You ready to go?”

Jonathan nodded and without a word followed him to his car. After get the address and putting it into the GPS, Eddie said, “I’m sorry about how she acted. Has she done this sort of thing before?”

“When I first graduated high school I got a job at a photography studio,” he muttered. “I took pictures of babies and toddlers. I had this cute little pink rabbit that never failed to get a smile.” He cleared his throat. “She found out that in addition to family portraits, bridal and wedding photos, they also did boudoir photo shoots.”

“Oh no,” Eddie moaned, completely seeing where this was going.

“Yeah,” Jonathan said with a sniffle. “She got the place shut down when she found out that some official’s daughter got them for the guy she was sleeping with, who was not her fiancé.”

Eddie frowned. That sounded too familiar.

“Anyway,” Jonathan continued, “this bitch got the whole place shut down and suddenly I was without a job. If I ever find her, I think I’d like to strangle her with my bare hands.”

“Her named wouldn’t be Heather Holloway, would it? Mayor Kirk Holloway’s daughter?” Eddie asked running his tongue over his upper lip slowly.

Jonathan snapped his fingers. “Yeah, that’s the snake in the grass.”

Eddie pulled off to the side of the road and closed his eyes. “It’s a fucking scam. Holy shit! It’s a fucking scam.”

“What is?” Jonathan asked.

Eddie turned around. “I just figured the whole thing out. All of it. The attacks against Steve, Billy getting caught with his hands up the wrong skirt, Jason fucking Carver. I’ve got to give it to your girl, she is one smart manipulative bitch. But I’m smarter.”

~

Tag List:

1-@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

9- @dreamercec @sadisticaltarts @too-much-tma-stuff @dolphincliffs @chameleonhair

10- @themoonagainstmers @gloomysoup @novelnovella @micheledawn1975 @garden-of-gay

[captaindysdexic]

My problem with Twisted Wonderland

As someone who used to consistently play every single day for months, I've got a lot of issues. Let me preface this by saying I know nothing I'm saying will change the game and how it runs, I just want to come here and rant about the game I used to love.

Rant below the cut

My biggest problem is how grindy the game is, especially as a strict f2p player.

As someone who's never spent money on the game, it is so easy to tell how much of a cash grab the game is. The people that work on the game care about it I'm sure, but it is so hard to do anything in this game.

It's hard to get SSR cards, not only because the Gacha system is hella fucked up, but because it's hard to get enough gems to get pulls. Yeah we've got weekly and the logins, but that's so not enough unless you save for a card months in advance.

When you're a new player they give you some leeway, lots of free stuff because all the easy missions are meant for that, but as you get further and further into the game it's extremely hard to get even a 10 pull unless you're on the game basically 24/7.

As someone who is rank 72- and again, played almost religiously for months- it's hard to enjoy the game.

And I know as the story goes on it's meant to be harder, but because of how little they give you it's hard to get past the story as it goes on. It's hard leveling cards up, especially the spells.

It would be nicer if they gave you more materials or gems, that would make all the grind worth it, but that's not how it is. Hell, even events barely give you any pulls and yet they expect you to spend hours doing lessons to unlock the chapters and leveling up the free cards. Someone who's f2p (in my and my friends experience) will find it hard to get motivation to continue playing.

I want to continue playing, I love the characters and the story, but it's so hard to level up cards, or get pulls, that it breaks my heart and makes me want to not continue because I know I won't ever get that card I want, that I won't be able to get past this chapter, that I won't be able to finish an event fully because of the system.

It's so obvious they don't care about f2p's because reruns and even some event banners are strictly p2p things. Rerun banners require special keys that are pay-walled, event banners like the anime expo ones or special non-event related ones are pay-walled, THEY'RE ALL PAY-WALLED.

To me it is extremely frustrating to know that the developers don't seem to care about the fan base at all.

I mentioned earlier about the Gacha system, which I find really, REALLY dumb. 100 pulls for a guaranteed SSR? 200 needed for the event SSR? That's so dumb! Even if you were p2p you'd have to have some extreme luck to get an event card before at least 70 (which it's hard to get if you're far in game and f2p). In my experience, all the event cards I have that are SSR's (WHICH IS 2 BTW, ive been playing since idia's groom event and only have TWO EVENT CARDS EVEN WITH CONSTANT GRIND) I had to do over 70-80 pulls for and spent weeks grinding for. Not to mention pity doesn't carry over to other banners.

Speaking of events, I swear to god the events are getting shorter and shorter every time. The Stitch event that just passed? I swear it only lasted 3-4 weeks, banners ended way too quickly for any f2p that wasn't saving to pull without extreme luck to get any SSR card, got forbid the event exclusive ones. I got like 25 pulls during that event and 10 of those were because it was Kalim's birthday. It's extremely dumb and next thing you know it events will be lasting only a week or two and you're probably fucked over.

Anyways, that's basically all I have to say. There are a lot of things that frustrate me, like how they do events and some characters stuff, but I can't bother to put it here because I'm not as pressed about that stuff as I am about the stuff I did talk about.

I'm aware that people probably won't read this, but it's nice to get off my chest y'know? I'm going to continue to play the game, but I'll never play as constantly as I did when I first started because it's so hard to play and find motivation for it anymore.

[wardenparker]

Vampire Waltz - ch 11

Max Phillips x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

A mysterious inheritance, sprawling mansion, eccentric roommates, friendly bat, and coven of New England witches are the newest chapter of your life after being unceremoniously dumped and kicked out by your boyfriend. For Max, the biggest change in his life is you, and what exactly he's going to do about the fact that he is stuck living with you as long as his sire continues to punish him for that incident at his last office...

Rating: Mature, but this blog is always 18+ Word Count: 9.5k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this series: deceased parents, cursing, food, blood and blood drinking, depictions and references to abusive relationships. Anxiety and trauma responses. Self-worth issues.* Not many warnings this chapter, just a lot of emotions running high and a fair bit of lying for the sake of keeping secrets. Summary: Your first day in the past with Max is full of emotional moments and surprises, but nothing more surprising than a revelation shared with Eddie and Allison back in your own time. Notes: Hello and welcome to the Gilded Age!! It's been so exciting to see how many of you gleefully jumped into the deep-end with us on this plot twist and I hope you enjoy! This week's Chateau-sur-Mer room on display is Eddie's room 💛

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10

It is Mrs. Taylor who wakes you with a gentle knock on the door the next morning, bearing an arm full of clothing for each of you. Max had been resting with his eyes closed, holding you close while you slept, but his eyes opened immediately at the sound. "Good morning," she greets you both with a nod as she hustles into the room, shutting it behind her. "I brought you some things. To help you to blend in. Mr. Brown has arranged for each of you to be measured and fitted today, if you will be kind enough to go into town just after luncheon. He has sent orders to have wardrobes made that will be fitting for members of his family." It isn't her place to comment on the decision or the certainty with which the word 'family' was used, but she follows her orders to the letter.

Max sits up, shirtless and nods. “Mr. Brown is a gracious host.” He is almost giddy at the prospect of tailored suits, considering it’s so hard to have one made during his time. He’s looking forward to the trip to town. “Would you help my wife dress?” He has no clue how to dress you and he’s not sure if you know either.

"Of course." Mrs. Taylor agrees to the request easily, considering she had already but told to do so, but sets down the clothing on the nearby chaise for a moment while you rise from bed in your odd clothing. "After this morning, Mr. Brown has tasked Miss Annie's maid Renee with seeing to your wife. I hope that is acceptable."

It’s a struggle not to show that he recognizes the name, but he manages. “As long as it does not interfere with her duties to Miss Annie.” He takes the borrowed clothes for him and strides behind the privacy screen. He doesn’t care about you seeing him, but this is a different time and he doesn’t wish to offend Mrs. Taylor.

"Of course not, sir." While this particular morning is outside of her own normal duties, that does not concern her much. The staff of this particular house is far more efficient than any other in the community for their ability to work hard without the need for substantial rest or food. Losing a few minutes to dressing a young lady hardly affects her schedule.

Max dresses quickly, approving of how well his sires' clothes fit him and sets out from around the screen with only his boots left to put on. They are his modern shoes, but no one will notice.

The layers that Mrs. Taylor helps you put on seem endless. Chemise. Corset. Bustle. Petticoats. Corset cover. All these underlayers have to go on before she can even button you into the outer shell of the dress, but once you have the soft green and dark brown dress on in all its complicated glory, it's...oddly comfortable. The corset redistributes the weight of the dress and underlayers so that it isn't too heavy on any part of you, and the layers are all surprisingly thin but so much cotton adds up to a very warm outfit. The chill of the fall weather won't get very far at all, especially not with the wool stockings you have on underneath it all to cushion your feet in the neatly laced leather boots that somehow fit you perfectly. They must be your grandmother's -- that's the only explanation you can come up with, knowing how well some other pieces of her wardrobe fit you in your own time.

“You look….” Max’s eyes are wide, slowly taking in your very prim exterior. He had never expected to have such an attraction to the Victorian style, but he finds that it’s very becoming on you. “Exquisite.” He manages. “It’s as big as a ball gown.”

"Hush." The warmth in your cheeks belies the tone in your voice though, seeing the slow way Max surveys you up and down like some kind of precious gem. "You look very handsome as well." The suit that was brought for him is simple but well-made, and even though you have no idea whether or not it's in fashion, he looks like the romantic lead of a BBC period drama come to life and you are absolutely here for it.

“So you’re allowed to compliment me, but I can’t say how attractive my wife is?” He huffs at you playfully and shakes his head. “That will not be cool at all.”

The term is unfamiliar to Mrs. Taylor but she tactfully does not react at all, simply nodding to you and Max in the doorway. "Breakfast will be served in the dining room in fifteen minutes," she informs you before disappearing again. "You look like Mr. Wickham," you tell Max with a grin, doubtful that he'll get the reference but not really caring. "Dashing and handsome, and a little bit like trouble."

“Mr. Wickham.” He looks at you in utter offense, huffing. “I am no wastrel, I’ll have you know.” He grins back at you to show he’s teasing, and holds out his arm to you. “I’m Darcy, of course.”

"Hmm, maybe you're right." Taking his arm is soothing and grounded, reminding you that no matter how crazy this situation is, he's right here with you. "Alli and Eddie are definitely our Jane and Bingley, after all."

“Yes, they are.” He snorts and rolls his eyes. “Obvious to everyone but them that they were crazy about each other.”

"I think it's sweet." Their enthusiasm for each other has been endearing, and a pang of missing your friends makes your heart ache but you have no choice other than to shake it off. "And it looks like we'll have some very, very interesting stories for them when we get home."

“Yes we will.” The dining room is straight ahead and he reaches over and pats your hand. “Are you ready to get to know her in ways you never imagined?” Max asks, not wanting to say ‘your mother’ in case she has hearing like a vampire.

"I'm nervous," you admit, knowing that this is an enormously big deal for only you. Max has no emotional stakes in this meeting, but you have them in spades. "What...wh-what if she doesn't like me?"

“There’s no way that would ever happen.” Of that, he is confident. You are amazing, even if you don’t see it.

"You're biased." It's bolstering, though. It makes you feel a little bit like you have a champion on your side to help square your shoulders when they start to round down again. "But I hope you're right."

“I know I’m right, babe.” He tells you cockily, sending you an air kiss. “They are both going to love you.”

"I hope so." A soft nod is what you can manage right now, knowing that beyond that doorway are two women who have been completely lost to you for so much of your life. "I really hope so."

“I’m with you.” Max promises. “After this, we will see how you dance in that dress of yours.”

"With really big swishes." That is a welcome thought, though, and you revel in the idea of dancing with him becoming so normal that it can happen pretty much anywhere. It has you smiling again, and visibly relaxing, and you nod to Max before gently squeezing his arm. "Okay. Let's do this." The dining room table has been laid with fine China. There are five places set and five chairs, while the sideboard is filled with piping hot serving pieces full of all manner of breakfast items. Tea and coffee and a third carafe that you have to assume is blood are all set out on the opposite wall where a footman stands at attention waiting to pour.

Max glances at you, wondering if it’s a reprieve that your mother and grandmother aren’t down yet. He hums as he guides you towards the table, deciding that he would set you on the opposite side from the door so you can see them when they come in. “At least there is coffee and tea, right?”

"And more, it looks like." You nod toward the third carafe. "Good morning." The next figure to sweep into the room is your grandfather, and he sets himself down at the head of the table without hesitation. "I trust you had a restful night?"

“She slept through the night.” Max answers with a polite nod. “Thank you for the clothes as well. It will be better to blend in.”

“Indeed.” He nods, not reacting at all when the footman in the room steps forward to fill first his coffee cup and then his drinking glass with blood. “The appointment to make your wardrobes is essential. We are throwing a ball in just a week’s time and you must be properly attired.”

Max winces when the blood is poured into a wine glass and when the footman comes around the table, he covers the glass. “Please pour it into the coffee cup.” He instructs.

The footman says nothing but nods and adjusts the angle of his pour once he is standing beside Max. “Your room is comfortable?” Yayo asks. He knows that his staff works hard but he also knows that humans are particular.

Max looks over at you for the answer. Knowing that you were the one sleeping, although he was comfortable as he laid with you. “My dear?”

“Very comfortable,” you assure him quickly.

“Good.” He nods and gives a pleased smile. “The gold room has a special fondness for me.”

“Oh?” Whatever stories your grandfather is willing to share are wonderfully welcome. Only for a moment do you find yourself distracted by the appearance of the footman, who pours tea for you when you indicate your preference.

“Cookie and I spent nearly a year exploring the far East.” He tells you with a soft sigh as he leans back in the opulent chair. “When she had fallen in love with that bed, we bought it and had it shipped back.”

“It’s very beautiful.” Even before now you had thought so. Even considered asking to have it moved to your bedroom on the second floor. But you had decided that that would be an immense thing to ask for and instead started dreaming of one day having visitors who might use the room.

“Our daughter was conceived in that bed.” He admits with a small smirk and raised brow as he stares at the two of you. As if expecting you to say that you are also expecting a joyous occasion after one night in that bed.

“Is that…so?” It’s a little more than you need to know, considering that’s your mother he’s talking about, but it’s still worth noting. With everything you’ve been finding out about your family and your magic lately, who knows if it means something or not.

Nodding, he’s amused by your reaction. You are not timid, you dress far too boldly for that, but you are slightly embarrassed by the idea. Further cementing the truth that you are his granddaughter in his mind. “My wife and daughter should be downstairs shortly. They are not exactly morning people.”

“No…” A slip of a memory runs through your mind and you smile. Your mother dragging herself downstairs in her robe with a yawn only to find that your father had already made her coffee for her. “No…that seems to be true no matter what the age.”

“Since she was a babe.” He chuckles softly. “A fortuitous arrangement, considering that I do not sleep. So I could be up late into the night with her when she was fussy. My wife and I did not allow a nurse to care for her.”

“A fairly unusual choice, but I can see why.” Not knowing how much can or cannot be said around the house staff in this time, you just smile and politely add, “She must have been a rare child. And very loved.”

Everyone in this house is aware of what his child is and he nods. “We are free to speak of all issues but yours,” he tells you meaningfully. “The staff are all vampires. Easier than explaining to humans.”

“I see.” Well, that certainly explains how things are the way they are in the future. When your staff never ages or dies, there’s no need to change them. “That certainly does simplify things.”

“Quite.” He agrees. “The coven and social circles provide Cookie with human companionship when she so desires.”

“I know the Newport coven to be full of kind and caring women.” Of course, it might not be entirely true now, you don’t know for sure. But in your time? Those women became your friends as easily as breathing.

“Then the reputation of the coven has endured over the years.” He hums. “There were some turbulent years, but Cookie is not one to deal with much foolishness.”

“It is my understanding that she is very much beloved.” Before you have the chance to say more, you spot two women approaching from the great hall and nearly swallow your tongue. Your mother looks nearly identical to how you remember her, with the biggest difference being just her style. You remember a woman with short hair and a fondness for berry-tone lipstick, who wore dresses only on the most special of occasions. This version of her blends perfectly into the time, with none of her natural features tempered by makeup, her long hair swept up into a complicated style, and the gown on her frame affixed perfectly to make her look as elegant as a flower in soft pink. Memories of your grandmother have been coming back — many as dreams — since the spell that kept them from your mind seemed to break apart. And now that you are in a different time it seems as though the veil over your mind has been lifted entirely. Your abuela looks just as you remember her as well, all dressed up as she liked to be, with a twinkle of mischief in her eye and a perpetual smile tucked into the corner of her mouth. As though she were intending to save it for later.

“John, you didn’t mention we had guests when you came downstairs.” Her tone is apologetic as she sails into the room and to the seat that is at her husband’s elbow. “My apologies for seemingly ignoring your arrival.”

“Not at all, my dear.” He softens measurably when he looks at her, and seems to forget everything else in the room for that moment. “Some family arrived late last night. One of my sons, and his young bride. I insisted they stay on with us.”

“Oh?” Her eyes brighten and she glances back at the two of you with a warm smile. “Then welcome. I must assume that your bride is breathing?” She asks curiously as she tilts her head. The footman brings the coffee over and pours her a cup silently.

“Max’s wife is as you and Annie are,” he informs his own wife and daughter politely. Just because they can speak freely in the house does not mean he will be crude.

“Delightful.” She nods and turns towards you with a smirk on her face. “Perhaps you will be willing to take tea with me this afternoon, then?” She asks. “John has some business to attend to and my daughter is expecting a caller.”

“I would be delighted.” Tea time has become a sacred ritual for you because of Mrs. Taylor and your grandmother. To actually sit down to tea with her is a privilege higher than you can articulate.

“Lovely.” She smiles at you and then looks over at Annie. “This is my daughter, Annie. She’s normally more engaging than this, but she’s not had her cup of coffee yet.”

“I fully sympathize.” And having seen your mother before coffee on many, many occasions, you expected nothing less. Even so, it’s the seeing her again that has you struggling to hide emotion. “And I’m…I’m very glad to meet you, Annie.”

Her smile is polite and tired. “Forgive me.” She begs. “I become more social as the meal continues but I mean no offense.” She takes a sip of her coffee and sighs. “I believe I should have been an owl.”

“There is a certain magic in seeing sunrise at its beginning instead of its end. The nighttime can have magic in its own right.” At least, that’s what you’ve always thought. Hopefully it doesn’t sound cheesy.

She perks up slightly and nods. “Yes, you are right.” You seem so familiar but she cannot place where she knows you from.

“You seem to be two peas in a pod,” Cookie observes, seemingly delighted by that revelation.

“Do you only have the one child?” Max asks, hoping to draw out more information for you to soak up about your family while you are here. “Or is she the youngest of the group?”

“We only have our darling Anne.” Cookie beams at her daughter as the two of them pick up their plates to serve their own breakfast at the side table and you follow suit. “She is our entire world, I am happy to say.”

There needs to be a conversation about how he can reproduce and other vampires cannot. Max hums. “That is good. We thought to have one, maybe two.”

“Children are an infinite blessing.” While the three mortal women are serving themselves breakfast, the man known as Mr. Brown smiles at the son he barely knows. “An unpredictable and bewildering blessing.”

“I’m sure that we will discover that blessing for ourselves sometime in the near future.” Max wonders if the child you and he will have will be more vampiric or more like you.

“Most families like ours are not so blessed.” Cookie smiles at her husband. “But we have been lucky. And you will be too, I think.”

“Hopefully so.” It’s a truthful answer. He had always assumed that he couldn’t have kids since he was technically dead. Since learning that it was possible, he’s been imagining a little girl that looks just like you, but her favorite parent is him.

“I think my husband has hopes he has not yet shared with me.” It's impossible to deny how much you like calling Max that, and you break out into a smile when you come back to the table with your plate. “Not that I mind, of course.”

“Dolly, you know that I am your willing servant.” Max hums dramatically. “If you wish to be childless and not go through the pain, we will have our friends and my vampiric offspring to surround ourselves with.”

“Not at all.” In fact, it warms you straight to the bone that he has even thought of a family with you. The fleeting thought is far more than you’ve allowed yourself, but now the fantasy seems to jump fully formed from his mind to your heart. “I think it’s very sweet.”

Mad smirks and takes a sip of his blood in the tea cup. “That’s me, my dear.” He teases. “Sweet.”

“You certainly seem to be.” Cookie offers with a polite smile. “May I ask how long you have been married?”

“Recent.” Max laughs, picking up your hand and kissing it. “Very recent. Yesterday as a matter of fact.”

“Truly?” Annie perks up at that, returning with her plate to the seat on your other side. “How romantic!”

“Yes, we were suddenly overcome with the need to marry.” Max sighs softly. “Her parents do not approve of me - I was reluctant to share my true nature with them and they found me odd.”

“So you eloped?” This seems to appeal to Annie even more, and she sighs dreamily at the sheer romance of it all. “What utter devotion.”

“I would not spend eternity without the other half of my soul.” Max nods and leans over to kiss your hand.

"Soulmates." It is your grandmother who sighs this time, and for the moment your extended family seems utterly besotted with the idea as you and Max share a sweet smile. "Well," Cookie's expression is wholeheartedly maternal. "You must stay with us as long as you need to settle yourselves and begin this next chapter of your lives. Mr. Brown may be able to help you find a new home, or lend you the ear of our architect if you choose to build."

“That is a very gracious offer.” Max didn’t expect much else, but it’s honestly a relief. He doesn’t know anything about this time and to be around his sire and your family will help him relax. He knows that they will help protect you. “We humbly accept with our thanks.”

"It is very kind of you." There was a lot more tension in your shoulders than you realized, and when they drop it's out of full relief rather than anything else. Since you have no idea how to get home, there is a remote possibility that you're going to have to buck up and make a life here in...whatever year it is.

“Think nothing of it.” Your grandfather assures you. “There is nothing like having family while you are starting out and you are now family.”

******

You find out quickly that the planning you have been doing for the Samhain Masquerade at home pales in comparison to the levels of planning that Cookie has been doing for her own. There is a small ball to be held in two days time -- something your grandmother refers to rather affectionately as a dinner dance but sounds to you to be an enormous undertaking, and then the full-blown Halloween masquerade in a few weeks time. From the look of the menus she is sifting through in the green salon and the sound of the dresses that are being made as well as the decor and band being hired? It's very clear that you have been planning a dinner dance for Samhain and not a full-blown ball. Maybe you ought to be taking notes, as you sit near your grandmother with a book and she bustles through her papers, but all you can do is watch in awe.

“Lobster bisque with a curried quail or roasted prawns and lamb with mint cream?” She asks, looking up as she decides between the two menus that appeal the most. “I don’t think that I care for the tomato custard with beef shank.”

“Prawns and lamb, I think?” Not ever having eaten quail before, you don’t feel safe recommending it over something else. “Or…that is what I would choose. Although, if you are fond of curry, it is delicious with lamb as well.”

“We will have to have a tasting menu, I believe.” She decides, finding your idea intriguing. “We will have both menus and your curried lamb. Do you have a recipe for Mrs. Taylor? Or just use a curry like with the quail?”

“I actually do have a recipe…” It might be a little too intense for Gilded Age palettes, or it might go over like gangbusters. There’s no way to tell. “I can write it out for you, if you like.”

“If you would not mind.” She asks with a smile, tilting her head imploringly.

"Of course not." The recipe had been your mother's, in fact, and now you can't help but wonder if this is how it made its way into your family in the first place. "It would be my pleasure."

“Delightful.” Cookie beams at you and offers a pen and paper. “We will have Mrs. Taylor make the menus for dinner tonight.”

"I hope very much that you will all like it." Writing with this pen is going to be a nightmare, but you valiantly dip the nib in the ink pot that she offers you and begin to write out the recipe as you remember it from cooking with your mother.

“I am sure that it will become a family favorite.” She predicts, watching you scribble. “You have such unique technique with the pen.” Cookie offers. “Do you often write letters?”

Unique technique. You almost snort at the way your grandmother politely calls out the fact that you can barely write with such a common instrument. "I did not have many people to write to," you tell her by way of neatly avoiding the question. It's not like you can explain texting.

“I see.” Her heart aches for you, finding you a wonderfully charming young woman. Reminding her so much of her own daughter that she feels very protective of you. “Well, if you and Max decide to settle elsewhere, I insist that we exchange letters.”

"I truly doubt that we will, but if it ever does happen, I hope to share many letters between us." That box of letters from her is at the forefront of your mind, and the smile on your face ends up slightly bittersweet before you remember that you're here. Here with her and with your mother.

Cookie interprets the slightly sad smile as a remembrance of your family. Perhaps you still mourn their lack of acceptance of your life. “Don’t worry, my dear.” She reaches out and pats your hand. “Family has a way of coming back to you.”

"More than anyone could possibly know." And that brings your smile back to a much brighter place instantly. "Perhaps my life with my husband will have many more surprises in store."

“Men, especially vampires, are always full of surprises.” Cookie trills and shakes her head fondly. “Even when he drives me to wail, there’s no one I would rather spend my life with than John.” She admits and reaches out to take your hand. “Max has explained that he can lengthen your life, correct? A mortal existence is just but a blink of an eye to a vampire.”

"It has not been the subject of a long conversation yet, but I do know of the possibility." You can't tell her that you know about it because of her, but it doesn't matter either way. The fact is that you'll eventually have to talk to Max about it. "But he cannot tell me if it hurts. Or if it has any other...effects."

“There is no pain involved.” Cookie assures you, happy to share the information she possesses with the wife of another vampire so close to her soulmate. “Truly, you only need to drink but a drop of his blood every day. Just a drop. I know that partaking of their…habits, sounds unsettling, but it is masked wonderfully by a cup of coffee.”

"Really?" It hadn't seemed like it should be that simple, and you tilt your head at her with a small laugh. "I expected it to be far more...dramatic. They are terribly dramatic men, after all."

“Lord, they are.” She joins in the laughter, her own bright and vivacious. “John has a flare for it and it seems he chooses others with that same inclination to change.” She huffs. “As far as effect….you will feel stronger, be stronger. I have such horrid eyesight but since I’ve been partaking in my soulmate’s blood, my eyes are perfect.”

"The strength that it lends them...we get some of it as well?" Truth be told, you hadn't considered that before. But it makes perfect sense now that you hear it out loud.

“Most of the favorable attributes we would share with them.” She explains. “However, we will never have their full strength.” She sighs. “But it does have one ill effect.”

"That seems only fair." A nod of your head asks her to go on, willing to hear whatever unsavory side effects this otherwise magical situation.

“You…” Cookie leans in, cupping her hands around her mouth as if she were telling a secret. “Have horrible smelling body functions.”

It's so unexpected that you sort of freeze, feeling like time has slowed to a surreal whirl, right before you burst out in the most unladylike laughter of your life. "Is that all?" You manage, gasping for some semblance of control between guffaws. "Why--we deal with that on a monthly basis anyway. That hardly seems to make a difference at all!"

“I suppose so.” She straightens and wrinkles her nose. “John sometimes cannot be around me, the smell is too much for his sensitive nose.”

"That seems almost useful," you joke, still laughing harder than you can control. "It gives some time alone, doesn't it?"

She stares at you for a moment and then gives a very un-ladylike snort. “I suppose you are correct, Dolly.” She muses, finding your way of thinking refreshingly bright.

"There is nothing wrong with a little solitude now and then." While you would never ask for it from Max, there are plenty of times when he's off doing other things and you fill your time on your own. That's just how life works.

“Individuals need to be free to pursue things that fulfill them.” She agrees. “My coven accepts John, but they also know he will not be there every time. Society does not know about his…nature.”

“You have been very lucky, I think.” With your grandmother’s hand still holding yours, it’s hard not to be overly emotional. There is something in your chest just aching to burst out but as long as you’re here you won’t be able to let it. Knowing even a small part of her story makes you feel oddly like the Grim Reaper in ways you dearly hate, but can’t ever show. “I hope the rest of the life you choose continues to be happy.”

“Even if it’s not, it will be my journey.” She hums softly, squeezing your hands gently. “Every journey, good and bad, teaches us. Helps us learn for the next life.”

“Maybe you’re right.” It’s such a bittersweet thing to hear from someone who has already begun their next life journey, but you offer her a smile and nod. “That is a soothing way to think of it.”

“Isn’t it?” She smiles softly. “The only problem is; I don’t know when John would meet up with me in the next life.” She admits. “Even though he is immortal, and very much older than I, we are joined in this life and every life we will have.”

“Then perhaps it is you who will find your way back to him?” You suggest, hoping it sounds as soothing to her ear as it feels to you. “And not the other way around? I know…whatever comes next…I will do everything I can to find my way back to Max.”

“Your paths have been destined to be intertwined.” Cookie sighs lovingly, her own eyes soft and dreamy. “Every person should find their soulmate and their happiness. Although the two are not mutually exclusive to one another.”

“I think that’s very important to remember.” And bittersweet, considering you know that it will be forgotten along the way. When your mother falls in love with a man who isn’t her soulmate. Well after that man is taken from her.

“Are you feeling peckish?” She asks after a moment. “I feel as if we should have some tea.”

“Tea is always welcome.” The morning seems to be that much longer when breakfast is served sharply at 7:30am, and with more than an hour left before luncheon, a cup of tea sounds perfect. Down the hall you can hear the soft sound of laughter and conversation from the library, and you can’t help but smile. Your mother’s laugh sounds so much more polite in this day and age. Which makes perfect sense, considering how young women were supposed to act. “Do you suppose Annie and her caller would join us? Or would that be imposing?”

“We can see.” She agrees with a small smirk on her face. “If she can drag herself away from Emmanuel long enough to take tea.”

It’s impossible not to stare when the name crosses your grandmother’s lips, realizing that the man your mother has been talking to in the library for more than a half hour (well over the societally-correct fifteen minutes) is her soulmate. The most you can manage is a weak “Oh?” Out of the need to make some sound.

“It seems as if he will be a regular caller.” She continues on, not noticing your reaction. “He is from a nice family and my husband is impressed with his business dealings.”

“So, it is a…a good match?” You remember Yayo speaking of it with fondness. Saying that your mother had loved her soulmate and that was why he had taken such drastic action. This seems like it is the very beginning of that attachment and your heart aches knowing what your mother has yet to go through.

“Very much so.” She nods. “My daughter is a very powerful witch and will take a strong man to stand by her side.”

“And a good one, I hope.” Never having met Emmanuel, you can’t say. But you’ve seen what strength looks like in good and bad men all your life. “Strength in a bad man can break even the strongest of women. Not help her.”

“You are right.” Cookie nods seriously. “It has happened before and it will happen again, I am sorry to say.”

“A tale as old as time, some would say.” Even if you hate yourself for the reference just a tiny bit, it’s too good to resist.

“Oftentimes the best of tales are older than time, just as some of the worst.” Cookie muses with a wry smile on her face. “I have seen time pass far more than most and I believe that to be true.”

“I will trust your word,” you tell her honestly. Your grandmother has seen far more of the world and far more of humanity than you have and you both know that even at face value. “My life has been sheltered until now, for better or for worse.”

“Then we will have to make sure that under the protective shield of your husband, you live the life you wish.” She promises.

“Then I suppose I ought to decide what it is that I wish for.” Whatever it is, it will have Max and it will have dancing. Anything else that life decides for you is still very much up in the air.

“Agreed.” She smirks slightly and her toe presses the button that is discreetly placed near the table leg by her chair. Allowing her to summon Mrs. Taylor.

Mere seconds later the vampire housekeeper arrives in the doorway of the drawing room with her hands folded and an expectant smile. “Ma’am?”

“Please ask Annie and her guest if they would join Dolly and myself for tea?” She asks, smiling at the housekeeper. “And we have a new recipe for you to try.”

“Of course, ma’am.” The recipe is a surprise, but Mrs. Taylor accepts the paper from Cookie with only a slight look of disbelief at the handwriting before she curtsies lightly and turns the corner toward the library.

“Shall we adjourn to the morning room?” She asks with a small smile. “Give the lovers a moment alone to discuss having to be around someone else?”

“It’s always a rude awakening. To have to remember that there are other people in the world when you are in your own little bubble.” That expression probably doesn’t exist here, but it’s probably self-explanatory. Hopefully.

“You have the most charming colloquialisms I have ever heard.” Cookie hums in delight. “It has been so refreshing having you here. I feel as if we will be lifelong friends.”

The best you can do is sigh your relief that she doesn’t call you out on being odd, and instead embraces it. So you smile warmly. “And perhaps those lives will be much longer than other friends could ever hope for.”

“The advantage of being with a vampire.” She laughs. “One of many, although I’m sure you are finding out the others when you retire to your rooms at night.”

“Oh, um…” You really have to wonder how odd it is that you claim to be married to Max but haven’t breached that particular nighttime activity yet. Thank the gods your abuela can’t feel the heat rolling off you as it rises in your cheeks. “I—of course…”

“Do not worry, we are not as uptight as some families might be about that sort of thing.” She assures you, standing up and offering you her arm. “If you wish to talk to another woman about those things, you just come to me anytime.” She is assured that your mother never spoke to you about a wife’s relations with her husband behind closed doors, and she doesn’t wish for you to be ignorant.

“That is most generous of you.” And it is, really, except she can’t possibly understand how awkward it is to have that offer made by your grandmother.

She can sense you won’t but she just pats your hand. “Well, we will talk about something else, shall we?”

Like a merciful saving grace, your mother appears in the doorway a moment later followed by a tall man with masses of wavy, dark brown hair and crystal blue eyes. It’s pretty clear your mother’s physical type is tall and strong, though. If the similarities between Emmanuel and your father are anything to go by. “You sent for us, Mother?”

Your grandmother tuts playfully. “You act as if you have been summoned to a hearing, rather than tea.” She teases. “I was hoping you and Emmanuel would join Dolly and I for tea?”

“Of course.” Even though she says it with all manner and politeness, you recognize the tone from your mother as placating and bite back a smile. She called it her ‘PTA voice’ for when she had to deal with the other moms at your schools when you were growing up. Apparently it had existed long before her involvement in any PTA. “Mr. Aubert was just saying how lovely today would be for a walk,” Annie tells the room as if it was some momentous declaration. “Perhaps you could spare me this afternoon, Mother? To accompany him?”

“I think an afternoon walk after tea would be a very delightful undertaking.” She grins because she knows that her daughter would like to be alone with her beau. “Perhaps Dolly and I will join you.” She has no intention of joining, simply meddling to meddle.

“Oh!” Annie’s head whips back to look at Emmanuel and reminds herself to smile before looking back at her mother. “Of course. If you would like to join us, you are both very welcome.” It’s clear that wasn’t her hope, but she isn’t going to say no. Saying no might have her chance at a walk revoked altogether.

“Although….” She tilts her head towards you. “Dolly and I still have so much to plan for the ball. Since she has volunteered her help.” She reconsiders. “It would be best if we stayed and continued to work, wouldn’t it?”

“There is considerable planning to do.” You manage to pick up on it almost right away, the way abuela Cookie is messing with her daughter, and you even manage not to crack a smile or laugh. “Perhaps it would be best. Will you be terribly disappointed if we are forced to stay behind?”

If your mother could look any happier, she would be crying tears of joy. Bobbling her head quickly, she’s not even looking over at Emmanuel. “That seems like a proper plan, I would hate for our outing to put you behind. Perhaps another time?”

“Yes. Another time.” Cookie’s face shows no trace of teasing or amusement until her daughter looks away and shoots you a sly smile. “What a pity. But I am sure you are more than capable of being a charming companion for Mr. Aubert.”

“So, tea?” Your mother looks around for the tea set eagerly. As if beginning it will get it over with quickly. She is eager to be alone with Emmanuel.

“Yes, miss.” The footman that appears with the tray and sets it on the low table in the center of the room. “Thank you, Franklin. We can manage for ourselves.” Cookie smiles when she dismisses the footman, but it is definitely a dismissal.

“Emmanuel, allow me to fix you a cup of tea.” Annie flirts, smiling winsomely at her caller and moving over to the tea quickly.

“Mr. Emmanuel Aubert, may I present Mrs. Dolly Phillips. Her husband is family to Mr. Brown and they will be staying with us for the foreseeable future.” Ever the gracious hostess, your grandmother makes you sound as grand and important in her introduction as royalty and you nod politely as you have now seen several women in this time period do. Shaking hands seems to be considered something quite intimate so you refrain from offering the gesture like you normally would. Seeing your mother act exactly like a teenager with a crush is sort of sweet, but you don’t comment on it at all for now. Hopefully having the other guest in the room get a bit talkative will take some of the focus off of you. “How long are you in Newport for, Mr. Aubert?”

“Business brought me to Newport for the next three months.” He explains, looking towards Annie again with a smile. “But I think I will be staying longer for personal reasons.”

"That's wonderful to hear." And more than a little heartbreaking, considering Yayo told you what happens to them. But right now your mother is happy. And being able to sit next to her again? See her smile like that? It's everything.

“Quite.” Emmanuel’s gaze at Annie is nothing short of adoring and he’s already sent for the heirloom ring that his grandmother had made him promise would rest on his spouse's finger.

“And…what sort of business are you in? If you don’t mind me asking.” So much curiosity overwhelms you at this other possible direction your mother’s life could have taken. It’s a little maddening but fascinating at the same time.

“Railroads.” Emmanuel answers simply. “My family builds railroad cars. My grandfather is George Pullman.”

“Really?” That’s probably too enthusiastic a reaction to be considered ladylike, but you weren’t expecting such a fascinating answer. “I—that is—how remarkable!”

“Then you have heard of our sleeper cars?” He asks with a proud smile. “Have you traveled in one?”

“I have not been so lucky yet.” Pullman cars being a thing of the past — now that you’re in the past maybe you’ll have a chance. “But I saw a photograph of one printed in a newspaper once.” In the archives at Vanderbilt, there had been loads of old newspapers on microfiche. It had been something of a hobby to go through them for little tidbits, and you ended up finding some fun things there.

“Then we will have to rectify that.” He smiles at you with the excitement of a man being able to show off a favorite toy. “My personal car is at the rail station. Perhaps we can take a small trip to showcase the luxurious ride available?” He clears his throat. “Your husband is welcome to join us, of course. As well as you and your husband, Mrs. Brown.” He adds politely.

“Alas, I think perhaps Mr. Brown and I will be too busy to join you.” Cookie smiles a very knowing — scheming — little grin. “But perhaps Mr. and Mrs. Phillips would be entertained by a train journey? There is time yet before the masquerade, if you choose to go sooner rather than later. A few days away does young people a world of good, without interfering with any of your responsibilities.”

“Would I be able to go?” Annie’s eyes are wide and pleading, wanting to spend as much time as possible with Emmanuel.

The knowing smile on your grandmother’s face is everything, and she nods once in polite agreement to her daughter’s plea. “I think it would be lovely for you and Dolly to make friends,” she hums, pleased with the idea. “As long as your father agrees, you may depart on Sunday as long as you return again before the Astor’s ball next Friday.”

“Mama, thank you!” Rushing forward, she kisses her mother’s cheek happily and nearly buzzes with excitement.

“Mind you behave yourself.” Cookie accepts her daughter’s love with glee, though, before going back to demurely sipping her tea. “Mrs. Phillips shall be my spy while you are away.”

“There will be nothing to report.” Annie promises, nearly giddy and she rushes around to hug you as well. “We will become the best of friends during our tour.”

“Wherever you would like to go.” Hugging your mother again — despite the corsets, despite her not knowing you yet, despite every obstacle — nearly has you in tears and you have to blink them away as fast as lightning so no one notices. “Whatever you would like, Annie.” It doesn’t even matter that using her first name is a foreign concept to bend your mind around. You’re getting to hug your mother again.

She beams and nods, happy that you are willing to be a chaperone so she can spend more time with Emmanuel. “Perhaps tomorrow morning, we can walk through the gardens together?” She asks softly.

“That sounds wonderful.” So wonderful you could damn near cry, but you’ll save that for the privacy of your own room tonight, where you know Max will understand.

“Then we have a date.” She had picked up on some of Max’s unusual phrases at breakfast, liking them immensely. Nodding and letting go of you, she rushes back over to her caller’s side.

“Wisely and slow.” Cookie says, in a moment that would seem rather enigmatic if it didn’t immediately trigger a core memory somewhere in your mind that you hadn’t even given a flicker of recognition to in years. “They stumble that run fast.” Both you and Annie finish the line of Shakespeare in unison, exchanging a look of surprise immediately afterward.

Annie is the first to break, giggling and humming playfully. “Did your mother dole out wisdom from Shakespeare as well?”

“Rather constantly.” And now you know exactly where she got it from. “And took me to the plays, as well.”

“How utterly delightful.” Annie nods. “Mother always makes sure Father secures tickets. Experiencing Shakespeare is a requirement of being a cultured lady.”

“My mother thought so as well.” And how you wish you could just dive across the room and hug her and just never let go. Or just say anything. But you promised Yayo it would be a secret.

“Well, I am glad that you are also well versed.” Your grandmother beams at the two of you. “This is like having two daughters, if only for a while.”

“I’m very glad you think so.” For you, the dream of seeing your family again is very real. It only makes sense that they recognize those traits in you, as well.

She smiles softly and nods, aware that your own parting from your family must be bittersweet for you. “Well, I think that we are going to have a marvelous masquerade this year, don’t you?” She asks you.

“It sounds like it will be wonderful.” If you ever get back to your own time to plan another, the second Samhain Masquerade you plan is going to be a hell of a lot fancier, you know that for damn sure.

“Mother enjoys planning events.” Annie offers with a proud little smirk on her face. “No one would dare turn down an invitation, not even the Astors.”

“I know I can speak for my husband when I say we are both honored to be included.” The morning for Max has been time alone with his sire, and you know that this afternoon when you have to venture into town to get fitted for clothes he’ll be talking your ear off about everything that’s been said.

“You will not regret it. The salmon pâté is probably my most favorite bite of all the buffet.” The other woman practically moans at the prospect.

“Then I dearly look forward to it.” It seems like Mrs. Taylor has always been both cook and housekeeper here and you know her cooking is impeccable. She’s made things for you that you had never imagined trying before and they’ve always been wonderful. “You’re very fortunate to have such a talented chef.”

“Mrs. Taylor has a passion for cuisine that I have never seen before.” Cookie answered honestly. “If she were born a man, she would have been accepted to the top culinary schools.”

“Perhaps she should start a school for women cooks. Share her talent with any who wish to learn and let the pool of talented women become talented, trained women.” Just because you know for a fact that it does not happen between this time and yours, doesn’t mean it never could. And it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t either. Mrs. Taylor would be a wonderful teacher.

“That would be something she would adore.” Mrs. Brown admits. “She cannot have children of her own, so the people she cares for become her children in a way. I know students would be no different.”

“Perhaps one day.” Annie chirps with a smile. She knows that something drastic would have to happen to separate her mother from their housekeeper.

“Perhaps.” Your grandmother hums softly with a smile on her face. “For now, we get to sample her delightful creativity. Why Mrs. Phillips had brought her a new recipe to try.”

“It is nothing. Really.” A bit of bashfulness has you not wanting to have your offering pried into. It all happened by accident anyway.

“Nonsense. Mrs. Taylor was floating around the kitchen with glee.” Even if she hadn’t seen the other woman, she knows how she reacts to new challenges.

“Then I hope the dish turns out to be a popular one. So she may enjoy her triumph.” You offer, and just let the facts settle over you privately and silently, that the reality of time travel is very weird.

“We will find out tonight.” She reminds you with a smile before she takes a bite of her finger sandwich.

******

"I guess they aren't up yet." Allison shrugs her giant cardigan a little closer around her body, overcorrecting for the lack of body heat from Eddie even though her vampire boyfriend is wrapped around her like an ivy vine as they slowly descend the stairs to the dining room for breakfast. There's no sign of you or Max being up or around the house, so the logical conclusion is that you've chosen to sleep in and Max is by your side. "More breakfast for us, then," she looks up at Eddie with a smile. "Or just me? Are you eating with me this morning?"

Eddie smiles down at her, amazed that she is here, that she’s in his arms. He hadn’t even heard Max’s car come home, so apparently he had been completely preoccupied. “I’ll eat with you.” He promises. “I love eating with you.”

"There's an entendre there somewhere," she hums, grinning when he leans down to kiss her halfway down the stairs.

“Didn’t think you’d want Mrs. Taylor to hear what else I love eating.” He teases her softly, grinning against her lips.

“Menace.” She’s giggling though, and pinching Eddie’s side before she starts down the second half of the stairwell. “You’re an absolute menace, Edward Cowper.”

“That’s me.” He never thought he would be classified as a menace, that was thoroughly Max’s area of expertise but Allison brings it out of him. “A menace.”

“Something smells like paradise.” The scent wafting up from the kitchen is rich and fruity and cinnamony at the same time, and Allison groans happily. “I’m getting spoiled being in this house all the time. With the Menace and the best cooking in the whole world.”

“That is nice to hear.” Mrs. Taylor bustles through the door, a distracted frown on her face as she looks at the pair. “Did Max and Dolly indicate that they would be lodging elsewhere last night?” Her question is abrupt, showing none of her usual tact.

“They didn’t come home?” Eddie’s frown matches Mrs. Taylor’s instantly. “I figured Dolly was just still asleep.”

“Max’s car is not in the garage and Renee said the bed was undisturbed.” She tells them, her jaw set in a very unhappy stance.

“They only went to Portsmouth.” The younger vampire’s frown deepens and he pulls out his phone to see if he’s missed a text but there’s nothing there. “There’s no reason they shouldn’t have come home.”

“That is what I am afraid of.” Mrs. Taylor frowns even more, her fangs descending in worry.

“If anything had happened to Dolly, Max would have brought her home instantly,” Allison reasons, though her arm around Eddie’s waist tightens with nerves.

Unless he couldn’t is the unspoken fear that passes between the two vampires in the room. Making the normally calm and collective Eddie ruffle slightly with a shudder.

“If you are wondering after his brother and his soulmate, they won’t be returning for some time.” From the darkened doorway, his voice is quiet but firm

Allison’s eyes widen at the sound of the new voice, unaware that anyone else is there and her head swings around to peer at the voice. “Why?”

“They are traveling.” Is the enigmatic answer, as the master of the house enters the room with one long, sure step.

“Where would they have gone?” Eddie asks, but a look of understanding immediately passes over Mrs. Taylor’s face. “I see.”

“Not far.” His sire assures him, seemingly nonplussed by the concern on Eddie’s face. “But I am afraid it will be some weeks before they return.” His eyes slide over to Mrs. Taylor, who nods. “Allison,” he addresses her without shifting his gaze. “You will take up Dolly’s place in finalizing plans for the ball with the coven. Mrs. Taylor will tend to things in the house. She knows what to do.”

“I- me?” She asks, slightly alarmed by the presence of Cookie’s soulmate. She has not seen the vampire since her funeral.

“Yes, my dear.” He regards her with the warmest expression he’s capable of this morning, knowing what has befallen you last night in those woods. “Cookie taught you how, and I know you have been helping Dolly. You will manage it well and have Mrs. Taylor to keep you moving forward.” His cool hand touches her arm and he nods as if to say it will all be well. “My soulmate regarded you as something of a second granddaughter, you know. I know you will make her proud.”

“I- I don’t know what to say.” Allison says, teary eyed at the beautiful words. “I will make sure that everything is perfect for Dolly and Max’s return.”

“Second granddaughter?” Eddie frowns, not quite understanding and looking to his sire curiously. “I didn’t know Cookie had a first granddaughter.”

The elder vampire smiles enigmatically. “The cat is out of the bag.” He hums and shrugs slightly. “Dolly is our granddaughter.” He reveals as simply as if he was stating the weather outside and not some surprising news.

“I knew something didn’t make sense!” Allison nearly leaps out of her seat but anchors herself by grabbing Eddie’s hand in her eager surprise. “Cookie would never have left this house to some far-flung, unknown relative!”

“You are correct.” The smirk on his face is both slightly sad and proud. “In order to break the spell, my darling Cookie decided to give up her immortal time to allow Dolly to know all of you and myself.” He pauses. “Once she is settled, I will end my existence and find her in my next life.”

The shock of that announcement sucks the air out of the room instantly, leaving even the undead breathless as Eddie’s jaw hangs wide open and Mrs. Taylor grasps the nearest piece of furniture in an uncharacteristic moment of uneasiness. She doesn’t question him, knowing how devoted he had been to his soulmate for hundreds of years, but she clasps her hand over her heart as though it were breaking. “You…” Eddie swallows air he has no need for, the harsh sound echoing in his chest. “You have an entire family here,” he protests, knowing it sounds weak — and maybe it is weak. But there are only so much family he will ever be able to have in his afterlife, and they are all because of his sire.

“I do.” His decision was not made lightly, and Cookie had protested against it, as much as he had protested her decision. “And every one of you is special to me, but she is the other half of my soul.” He reminds Eddie. “The Devil made me walk this earth for over a thousand years before my soulmate was ever born. I cannot walk another thousand without her.” He refuses to, is the real answer, but he is more dramatic than that. “I know that my chosen successor will fill my role fantastically and keep our family together.”

“Then you have already chosen.” Mrs. Taylor nods in understanding and recognition, as solemn as it is.

“All will be revealed when it is time.” He intones seriously. “It will be a joyous occasion amongst my vampiric offspring.”

______

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[mikachacha]

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛) 𝙿𝚝.1

𝚂𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜: 𝙰𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚎, 𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜.

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: slight angst and start of toxic relationship 🥹🥹

(A/N: im so nervous and happy to be finally uploading this piece here in tumblr 🥹🥹 ive been thinking about this for so long and finally had the courage to upload it now)

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

It's been a week since you graduated in college and it still felt like a dream to you. You're one step closer to your dreams and how can you ever forget that day? It was the same day that Bada finally asked you out to be her girlfriend after knowing each other for a year. You couldn't believe your luck to have all your hard work finally pay off and to have such a gorgeous girl to be yours. It's like you've won the lottery.

"Baby, I have a surprise for youuu.." Bada said with a grin on her face and you looked at her, curiosity visible on your face which made her grin even more. You're hanging out in her apartment since you have nothing else to do and you're just waiting for a response from all the companies you've applied to, not that you're way too worried about it since you had other plans if no one responds.

"What is it?" you asked and she placed two plane tickets to Korea on the coffee table that made your eyes go wide and for you to hug her tight. Despite being Korean like her, you grew up in the states since your family migrated before you were even born. So going to Korea with Bada will be your first time there and you're thrilled.

"We're gonna go to Korea, go to my hometown and maybe introduce you to my family and close friends." she says and you couldn't stop yourself from kissing her. You're overjoyed. So many emotions are playing in your head. You're happy that you get to go to Korea, happy that she's going to introduce you to family and friends but also worried that they're not gonna accept you since you barely speak and understand Korean and don't know much about the culture.

Days pass and both of you are busy buying gifts for her parents, packing your things and last minute checking. You're ecstatic and Bada is happy seeing you get all excited. She loves how adorable you look and would often tell you so. She'd take you out on little dates, give you lots of love and just doing her best to make you feel loved. You loved it yet there's a small voice at the back of your head that kept saying it's a bit weird but you pushed it away as overthinking considering you came from toxic and abusive relationships.

"Alright, ready for our flight baby?" Bada asked and you nodded eagerly. You just arrived at the airport with her and she was holding your hand the whole time which made you feel giddy and loved. You gave her hand a gentle squeeze as you and her begin your adventure together.

The trip was long yet it was all worth it. When you landed, you were in awe. Everything is so different from the states, it's definitely a shock for you and you're just thankful that Bada is there to help you. She did the talking, navigating and just made your life much easier for you. When you were inside the cab, Bada turned a bit to talk to you since she said it's gonna take a while to reach her parents house which you didn't mind at all.

"Baby.. I know this will sound like shit but can we keep it low-key at my parents' house? Like we're gonna act like best friends while we're there since they're pretty traditional and don't really accept us as a couple yet. But don't worry, I will slowly talk to them about us so they'll be more open minded about us." Bada says and you feel your heart break from her words. You looked at her, trying to reassure yourself that your girlfriend is just playing a joke on you but the look on her face says otherwise. You wanted to cry, you wanted to get out of the cab and go back to the states but you forced yourself to think rationally. You took deep breaths and sighed, nodding your head. What else can you really do in this situation? You're already here, yeah it hurts but you also didn't want to ruin the trip for Bada.

"Alright.. But we'll talk more about this when we go back to the states." you said sternly and she nodded, placing kisses all over your face and saying sorry for putting you through the situation you're about to go through.

You finally arrived at her parents' house and they were waiting for you outside. Her parents welcomed you warmly and they even had a meal set up for you and Bada, saying that both of you must be starving from such a long trip which is quite true. Seeing the feast in front of you, you were amazed. Bada would always order Korean food or take you to a Korean restaurant, having authentic homemade ones really hits differently. Bada talked to her parents mostly while also translating stuff for you and you would also make an effort to talk to them in Korean to which Bada's parents really appreciated. It was fun, you felt happy that you forgot the pain you felt earlier when you were with Bada in that cab.

You both rested for a bit after the meal since Bada told you that she'll drive you around the neighborhood so you can fully enjoy Korea's beauty since the fall season has already begun. You didn't talk to her that much, you're still pretty upset from earlier and what made you more upset is she didn't try to talk to you. You were about to contact your best friend just to vent out when Bada took your phone and tossed it on the bed before kissing your lips. It's like she didn't want you to talk to anyone regarding her odd behaviour.

"What the fuck?" was all you could say after pulling away from her kiss and she looked at you, her eyes getting all sad and you strangely felt guilty even though you didn't do anything wrong.

"You're still upset.. I'm sorry.. I really wanted to introduce you to them as my girlfriend but then they won't welcome you and I don't want that to happen.." she says and hugs you, resting her chin on your shoulder.

"Yeah I'm still upset but what can I do, really? We're already here. Might as well stick to your plan until we get back to the states then we'll sort this out." you told her and she nodded, placing a kiss on your cheek.

She took you out that afternoon, driving around the neighborhood and taking you to the places she used to go to. Bada's really doing her best to make you feel loved, to make you feel special until you forget everything that happened earlier. You loved the affection you're getting from her. It got you thinking that maybe she's really making up for this whole situation and that everything will be okay eventually. You're really hoping for things to go well eventually for you and Bada.

"And this is where I usually grab dinner during my highschool days with my friends. They sell the best fried chicken here and their kimchi is to die for." Bada raves as she pulls you inside a small restaurant. You couldn't help but smile at how cute she is. You gave her hand a small squeeze as you followed her. You were busy looking around and bumped into her when she suddenly stopped. You were about to ask her why she stopped when you saw a guy in front of you and Bada.

"Who's this pretty girl with you, Bada?" the guy asked and you looked at Bada, confused. She smiles at you, before facing the guy again.

"Hey Howl. This is Y/N, my girlfriend." Bada said coolly and the guy just chuckled, shaking his head in amusement like he couldn't believe that you're Bada's girlfriend.

"I'm hurt, Bada. You didn't break up with me properly and now you're back with a girlfriend? Will this make us a trio now? Do we have an alternating schedule?" Howl teased and Bada just shoved Howl out of the way, not saying anything. You're stunned by the interaction and wanted to ask Bada what that was about but from the look on her face, you're sure that you won't be getting any real answers soon. You could feel your heart sink, the person you thought you knew might be hiding a secret from you. Maybe not just a secret, maybe you don't really know who the real Bada is.

[pichiru]

The Sun Also Smiles - Chapter 2

Chapters - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]

Summary - With Mabel and Dipper's 16th birthday party on the horizon, Grunkle Stan takes to online dating to find a date for the party. Things start to get real weird real fast.

Word Count - 2,805

Pairing(s) - Stan Pines x OC

Genre(s): Romance, Comedy, Mystery

~~~~~~~~

SunshineSoul said:

Good evening, Mr. Pines 😊

BigManPines said:

Hey toots

SunshineSoul said:

"Hey toots" I like that. Do you actually talk like that in person?

BigManPines said:

Yeah. Got a problem with it?

SunshineSoul said:

Absolutely not. I love the way you talk. It's so straight forward and no silly business.

BigManPines said:

No Silly Business is my middle name.

BigManPines said:

It's not. My middle name is FIlbrick. Me and my brother have the same middle name.

SunshineSoul said:

LOL you're so funny. You type like you're nervous around me. Are you nervous?

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines said:

Yeah. I'm nervous.

SunshineSoul said:

Why? I won't eat you. Unless you ask me ever so politely 😊

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines said:

I'm just a shy old man if i'm bein honest

SunshineSoul said:

Awww. It's okay. I understand. I get really shy too. Especially around shy old men named Stan 😋

BigManPines said:

You're just sayin that

SunshineSoul said:

I'm not actually. We've only been talking for a week and I genuinely like talking to you and getting to know you. I mean that.

BigManPines said:

Well thanks toots. I like talking to you too. The fact that I'm talkin to you instead of turning on the latest episode of The Duchess Approves says a lot.

SunshineSoul said:

THAT WAS TONIGHT??? NOOOOO!!! I TOTALLY FORGOT 😭😭😭 Ugghhhhhh I think I've been working too hard

BigManPines said:

It's gonna rerun in 45 minutes. Definitely gonna tune in for that showing.

SunshineSoul said:

Yeah? You wanna like...sit on the phone and watch it together? Live reaction kind of thing? It'll be like we're watching it right beside each other :D

"Well?" Ford asked as he folded his arms. He'd been sitting next to Stan during the entire conversation to help him through it and even giving him ideas of what to say back to this mystery woman.

"Well what?" Stan asked back.

"Are you going to call her?"

Stan was quiet for a while, putting his chin in his left hand to start rubbing his stubble. He was deep in thought.

"I wanna but I know I'm just gonna make a fool out of myself if you leave me alone with her," Stan admitted, a little ashamed of this. He knew Ford was no better with this type of stuff than he was but he seemed just slightly more adept.

"Stan, I know how nervous you get around women. It truthfully baffles me but that's a conversation for a different day. But you've been talking to this woman for a week by yourself. Mostly."

"Yeah but what if I'm too gruff and off puttin for her? She seems like a proper lady. Like she doesn't even wanna get her hands dirty typa lady."

"Even the most proper of women can get down and dirty if they thought it was worth it. I learned that in college," Ford retorted. "Listen. Do you like this woman?" he asked, motioning his hand towards the laptop on the kitchen table.

Stan sat there in complete silence for a moment. "Yeah. I do."

"Then I think it'll be a good idea for you to have your first "date" with her over the phone. I know Mabel would think it's the most adorable thing she's ever seen in the world. She knows how much that tv show means to you." He crossed his legs then began bouncing his foot, thinking some more.

"I honestly think you should ask her on a proper date if this goes well," he added. "I've seen all the messages. Even the..." he cleared his throat behind a closed fist against his lips. "Saucier messages that I wish I could wipe from my memory. Where's the memory gun when you need it," he murmured under his breath.

"Hey! Nobody told your nosy ass to read those!  Just the normal ones!" Stan said suddenly, his cheeks reddening in complete embarrassment now. "Better be lucky neither of us sent any pictures."

"Speaking of pictures," Ford interrupted quickly. "Do you even know what this woman looks like? I looked at her profile and she doesn't have any pictures of herself. Just her art."

Stan shrugged. "Iunno," he said in a dismissive tone as he folded his arms now too. "A babe like her has gotta be drop dead gorgeous right? She talks like she's beautiful."

"That...That doesn't even make sense!"

"And?" Stan laughed, nudging his brother roughly with his elbow.

ding!

SunshineSoul said:

Did I scare you away?

"See? She's waiting on your answer. Say yes. I'll just head down to the lab and the kids are fast asleep. Big shopping day tomorrow for them. Especially Mabel," Ford encouraged.

"Fine." That was all he could manage to say in response. He knew in his heart that he wanted to talk to her but he also knew he would find a way to botch it.

BigManPines said:

Nah you didn't scare me off.

BigManPines said:

I wouldn't mind watching the episode on the phone with ya. I've never done anything like that before but I'm willin to try.

SunshineSoul said:

Omg yay! I get to hear that Jersey accent in real time. I love it. My number is 615-333-3333. Call me when you're ready 💜😋

"Well! Good luck!" Ford said, slamming his hand down on Stan's shoulder before he stood up and stretched. "I definitely won't be listening in with one of my spy devices," he said jokingly as he walked out of the kitchen.

"You do and I'll kill ya!" Stan yelled after him, shaking his fist.

"Yeah, yeah," Ford laughed as he walked through the door that led into the mystery shack.

Stan sat there in the kitchen in silence with his thoughts. What was the first thing he was gonna say to this woman? Will she still be into him after the date? Er...call? It's not a date. It's definitely not a date. Unless she wants to consider it a date? Then sure. It's a date.

It's not a date.

It's. Not. A. Date.

A half hour later, Stan was sitting in his recliner in the living room, holding his phone with the mystery woman's phone number dialed in and sitting on the screen. He clutched it nervously, not completely sure if he should really go through with this or not.

It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a da-

He closed his eyes tightly and pressed the bright green call button on his screen. It rang a few times before it was picked up on the other end.

"Lemme guess. It's BigManPines callin me up on a Friday evening?" She chuckled sweetly.

Stan grinned almost immediately from hearing her voice. It sounded way younger than he was expecting. He was expecting an older woman based upon her interest in him. Because what would a young woman want with an old guy like him?

"Yeah, it's...it's me," he said in a tone that definitely betrayed his nervousness.

"Oh! You sound nervous. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Nah, nah! It's okay. Like I said earlier, I'm just a shy old guy. Talkin on the phone gives me the creeps sometimes," Stan admitted.

"You're one of the in person type of people? I get it," she said in a kind sort of voice. Almost motherly.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just super old fashioned, toots."

"Yeah? I like that about you though," she admitted freely with a hint of a smile in her tone.

She really was just a ray of sunshine that came barreling into Stan's life this evening. It really cheered him up and made him feel a little more at ease.

"Can...Can I ask you somethin?" Stan asked after a moment.

"Of course you can, big man Stan," she said cutely, laughing a bit behind it.

"How old are ya? You don't sound like you're even within ten years of my age."

She sighed softly across the phone. "I'm not a teenager or a youngin if that's what you're asking. I'm 36 years old."

Stan laughed at her statement. "36 is a damn youngin compared to me!" He continued laughing.

"Yeah true! But look. I think you're really handsome and from the looks of the pictures on your profile, you're so buff. You work out?" She asked curiously.

"I used to box a lot in my youth. I still do it from time to time to keep up the old physique," he explained proudly. "Ya think I'm buff?"

"Yeah, I do. I also think you'd be strong enough to throw me over your shoulder," she said in a very obviously flirty tone. "Especially if I'm bad."

Stan's entire face was red at this point. He was a very straight forward person but she...she was a different breed of straight forward. He liked it. He liked it a lot.

"You bad often?" he asked cheekily.

"Maybe. We'll just have to find out soon."

Stan chuckled to himself. "I gotta ask, toots. What's your actual name? I've just been callin you Sunshine this whole time."

A shy but eager giggle could be heard on the other side of the call.

"I like that coming off your tongue. It sounds...woof," she laughed deviously. "You can call me Sunshine or Sol. It doesn't matter which. Long as you call me." If they were in person, she definitely would have winked at the old man and made him go into cardiac arrest.

Stan's heart was racing at this point in the conversation. He was nervous and excited simultaneously. Something about this woman excited him in ways he hadn't felt in a while and he didn't know what to do with that thought.

"Sol, eh? Is it short for something?"

"Solana," she said simply.

"Solana. Name's beautiful, toots," he complimented with a smile on his face. "Solana," Stan repeated, trying to find the perfect tone to say her name in now.

"Stopppppp. I hate it so much. It makes me feel like an old lady or something."

"Toots, if I knew an old lady named Solana, I'd still think your version of the name would be just as beautiful to me as it is now."

"Stopppppppppppppppp. You're making me blush so much," she squealed gently. "I caaannn'ttttt. You call yourself a shy old guy but you're just an old guy who hasn't had the opportunity to let the real him out."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Nobody's felt worth it in my life before so I just stay reserved and emotionally cut off usually."

"That sounds so lonely," Solana said in a sad voice. "But that's why I'm here now," she joked.

"Yeah. I'm glad you're here now," he said gratefully.

There was a comfortable silence as they turned their TVs on to the station they needed for the rerun of the show. Once the show came on, Solana became quiet so she could absorb what was going on in the show. She wanted to blurt her thoughts and be over the top with her reactions but she didn't want to scare Stan away. Something truly outrageous happened in the show suddenly and Stan shouted.

"What do you mean, you need a date to the cotillion! You don't need a man! You're a strong woman, Duchess!" He whisper yelled so he wouldn't wake the kids up.

Solana jumped but she laughed at his outburst. "Exaccttllyyyy!!! She's built up her entire reputation as someone who is very independent and has made it known that her world does NOT revolve around needing a man! What the hell!" she added, following behind Stan's outrage.

"Exactly toots! This is ridiculous. This show really started to go downhill in season 3. They should have just ended in season 2," Stan sighed as he sunk down in his chair in frustration.

"I agree! I was so excited when I heard they were making this into a tv show. The movie was a masterpiece," she said with a nod she knew Stan wouldn't be able to see.

"See, you get it. My niece and nephew watch with me sometimes but even they don't get the intricacies of this show."

"That's so sad. I love analyzing this show. It's so deep," Solana said fondly. "It makes me feel so secure in my womanhood sometimes," she halfway joked.

"I hear tha-"

"SAUNTERBLUGGET?!" They exclaimed in unison.

"No way they brought him back!!! He died in that carriage crash last season!!" Solana said in pure shock.

"True but listen, toots. If they don't show the dead body on camera, I never believe someone's dead. I learned that with tv shows in the past. Somethin to keep in mind goin forward," Stan advised even though he was equally as shocked as Solana was. He just wanted to also seem cool to her.

"Ohhhhhhhh! I never even thought about that honestly. Oh my god. You just opened my eyes to a whole new world. Holy shit."

"You're welcome," Stan chuckled. "What a way to end an episode."

"Ahhhhh. I know! I can't wait a whole week. This suuuccckkkssss."

"Hey..." Stan started shyly.

"Yes?"

"Would ya wanna...Iunno. Hang out in person for the next episode? I could cook for us or order somethin. Iunno. Whatever you want."

"Stanley No Silly Business Pines, are you asking me on a date?" Solana asked, happiness very clear in her voice.

"Uh...yeah. I guess if you wanna consider it that?" He said slowly at first but gained a certain air of confidence midway through his statement.

"I'd love to. Buuutttttt, I'd like to go out to dinner if that's okay with you? And we can end up at your place for the rerun of the episode?" she suggested sweetly. The way she spoke just now, Stan assumed she would have fluttered her eyelashes at him if she could. Her voice was too soothing and too convincing to not give her what she asked for.

"Yeah, sure, toots. We can do that. We can iron out details tomorrow or somethin...Iunno."

Solana laughed loudly at Stan trying to act so nonchalant about this whole thing. "Stan, you don't have to act all cool around me. I like you just the way you are."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I'm not still gonna do it, Solana." He said her name in a teasing manner, knowing she didn't like being called that in the slightest. But! He figured he could get away with it because of how much she seemed into him at the moment. It was a little bit of a guilty pleasure, making her squirm.

"STAN!" she said loudly, embarrassment so evident.

"Yeah, Solana?" He responded, smirking devilishly.

"Oh my godddddd. You're so annoooyyyiingggg," she whined playfully.

"Not annoying enough for you to leave me alone, toots. You're still gonna be here in the morning. But at least ya can text me now instead of usin that clunky ass dating site."

"Oh, I knooowww. I hate that stupid site. You would think they'd have an app or something," she sighed dramatically.

" I dunno much about apps so I can't say. But, I'm looking forward to your good morning message, Miss Solana," he said with a grin.

Solana's silence could only be interpreted as her being flustered. "Yeah. I'm definitely gonna send you your very first good morning text ever. I have a feeling you've never dealt with women who have manners like that," she joked.

"You're damn right," he joked back.

She laughed at him. She was so happy that he could bounce off her and she could do the same. They had the exact same type of humor and it set her soul ablaze. They hadn't known each other for long but she felt like she had the tiniest bit of a connection with him.

"Good night, Stanley."

"Good night, Solana."

Stan hung up the phone and leaned back in his recliner, laying his phone on his chest. He folded his hands across the top of his stomach and closed his eyes. He didn't realize how tired he was until that moment. He didn't usually stay up this late for the rerun of The Duchess Approves. But it was worth it to get to know Solana a little more and finally get to hear her voice. Her sweet and perky voice. If sunshine had a sound, it would have been exactly what she sounded like. He only hoped that the beauty of her voice and name matched her face.

Just as he was about to drift off into sleep, his eyes popped open and he sat up quickly in terror.

I HAVE A DATE! he thought to himself as he started panicking internally.

[sweetasadaisy]

Glowing up: A journey towards self-improvement

The reason I want to glow up is because I am determined to make positive changes in my life. I want to improve my health, enhance my appearance, and become a better version of myself. For as long as I can remember, I've been lazy, mediocre, self-destructive and unkind. But I refuse to be like that any longer. With hard work and dedication, I know I can transform myself into someone I'm proud of. I know it won't be easy, but I'm ready to take on the challenge and become the best possible version of myself.

Part 1:Physical wellness

Inspiration:Pink Pilates Princess and Green Juice Girl

The physical aspect of glowing up goes beyond aesthetics. Although, I won't deny that the main reason is doing it. It's about feeling strong, energized, and confident in your skin. I struggle with chronic migraines, fatigue and Self-destructive behaviours. My self-destructive behaviours are things I unconsciously do to make myself unattractive like binge eating because I want to be skinny but my brain doesn't want me to be skinny because it knows it will make me happy and unconsciously I don't want to be happy. I also cut my hair short because I love long hair and I cut my hair every time it gets long because I secretly hate myself and don't want to be happy. (This probably belongs in the mental wellness part.)My plan to improve my physical health is to lose weight gained from years of binging and become fit.

Goals

Lose almost 30lbs by

Eating porpotioned healthily balanced meals(<1450kcals)

Taking my vitamins

Exercising at least 3hrs a week

Getting 10k steps a day

Sleep at 11pm at latest and wake up at 5/6 am

Develop a skincare routine

Grow my hair back to waist length

Part 2:Mental, Emotional and social wellness

Inspiration:That girl and Clean girl

Mental health is the cornerstone of glowing up. It involves cultivating a positive mindset, managing stress, and fostering resilience. Emotional health involves understanding and managing our emotions in a healthy way. It's about cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and developing coping strategies for life's challenges. Social health involves building and maintaining meaningful relationships, setting boundaries, and fostering a sense of belonging. I have struggled with my mental health for a long time. I am diagnosed with depression and I have dealt with binge eating on and off for years. I have low self-esteem and self-worth. I never liked myself since I was young. (I think I know the reason but I don't want to share.)The hatred I felt for myself got externalised into hatred, envy, jealousy and unkindness towards others. I am going to change that by:

Getting a therapist

Self care

Being positive

Thinking before I speak

Practicing gratitude

Clean my room once a day

Meet with friends outside of school at least once a month

Part 3: Spiritual wellness

Inspiration: That Christian girl

Nurturing spiritual health provides a sense of purpose, connection, and inner peace. I was born catholic and went to catholic school from the age of 5 to 11(ages 7-11 were an only-girl school). I became an atheist at 11 and have been struggling with my relationship with God ever since. I was born and raised catholic but I was never properly Cathechized. That is because my parents(My mom is a cradle catholic and my dad was born catholic but became Pentecostal) are lukewarm and don't teach me and my siblings about God, the Bible and the Catholic Church. My parents have had multiple children and have not married. (I don't want them to get married to be honest because they are not right for each other and they aren't the best example of a healthy relationship.) My mom only started regularly attending church because I asked her that we start going. My parents aren't the best example of good Christians. Also, in catholic school days teach you nothing about the catholic church they just read the bible to you every morning, make you pray 3-4 times a day and bring you to church once a week. Catholic school wasn't that bad because catechizing me wasn't their job it was my parents. My goals to become strengthen my relationship with God are:

Attend mass on all Sundays and days of obligation

Pray at least twice a day and before eating

Read the Bible daily

Learn about the catholic church and catechize myself

Got to confession eventually

Do my confirmation

Become a Proverbs 31 woman

Part 4: Intellectual wellness

Inspiration:Academic weapon

Continuous learning and intellectual stimulation are essential components of glowing up. An Academic Weapon is a student who is perceived as particularly successful in academics as a whole. My grades are mediocre but i can easily fix that if i stop being lazy and study more. I am going to:

Study atleat 3hrs a day un top of homework

Have an 8-hour study session once a week.

Read one book a month

Join more clubs

Take every opportunity to learn

Conclusion

Glowing up is not a destination but a lifelong journey of self-discovery and personal growth. By nurturing physical, mental, spiritual, social, emotional, and intellectual health, we can become the best versions of ourselves. Whether you're striving to be that Christian girl, a pink Pilates princess, a green juice girl, clean girl or an academic weapon, remember that the most beautiful glow comes from within.

[yaut-jaknowit]

Your Crown is Slipping

Pairing: We'ar-ow (Female Yautja) x GN!Reader

Word Count: 3967

Summary: After the problem with Dwainet, new issues rise from the clan. Including those that don't think We'ar-ow is who they need. We'ar-ow isn't afraid but has to juggle their new life now. People are starting to question We'ar-ow's leadership. Which has to draw her away from her cabin and leaving you alone more. You see the way We'ar-ow is struggling and speaks with her.

Author Note: Uh oh. There's unrest in the clan guys. How's We'ar-ow gonna balance while dealing with you? Ehehehe

Masterlist

Ao3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18

All it takes is one person to start rumors. Then, rumors will fly like a wildfire across the entire clan, destroying your integrity. Everything you’ve known will be uprooted by a single person. A person who wants to take away the precious little ooman they’ve cast to side. Discarded nothing more than rotten meat. An action that should’ve cost him his life but you, sweet ooman, begged for his life to be spared.

When she looked into those pleading eyes, she could not say no. Now, it was returning with a bite that hurt and caused more trouble. You were worth it. But his head should’ve been hung above her bedroom door, warding anyone off. Only if she didn’t fall for your soft cries.

Like any problem, they can be solved. The head of said problem was rooted in Dwainet. A problem We’ar-ow was going to get rid of.

She chuffed lowly to herself in the empty of her throne room. The door closed and locked tight while she had time to think in the lonely space.

Now, without the hunt of figuring out who had hurt you, We’ar-ow had changed her direction. At anytime she wasn’t in her quarters, she had the screen on her gauntlet pulled up with the cameras. Always watching and ensuring your safety. Though halfway across the ship from you, she had Xilomere stay nearby while she preformed her duties.

Today, she hadn’t even offered to take you with her. You had declined the last three times in the last week. We’ar-ow easily read the terror in your eyes. So, today, she left you behind to sleep in the comfort of her bed. The dark bags under your eyes growing only more every day. She knew what that was from and didn’t like it one bit.

Every time she returned to her dwelling, she would pull you to her room and sleep earlier than usual. You needed it. Every time, you would fight against her only to come to the conclusion it was pointless. Then, you were out. To sleep until the morning rose on the ship. We’ar-ow stayed up, more vigilant than ever. She got the necessary amount of hours to keep her functioning.

Curled up on the comforts of her large bed was your still sleeping form. Eyes still closed, chest slowly rising and falling in a deep sleep. One that you needed. She hated the fact that scum was disturbing your rest over his hatred of you. Dwainet lost his precious mate and realized his mistake too late.

You’re hers. Through and through.

A rap of knuckles on the two imposing doors brought We’ar-ow’s attention back to reality. All she gave was grunt. The screen on her gauntlet still pulled up so she would not lose a moment of you. Dwainet already has shown off his hand of tricks, which could include unlocking her doors. She doesn’t fully know who sides with Dwainet’s beliefs.

It needs to be squashed before the spark can grow. She’s worked far too hard to keep this clan peaceful.

The door revealed Dunkot, the head of security. His grey body moved into the room. A soft click sounded next as he strolled over to the base of the stairs. He knelt down on one knee and bowed his head fully. The hunter knew of his mistake and was attempting to redeem the entirety of his title. How could he allow this to happen, to let this slip past him? Her pet was injured because of it.

Her steely gaze was set upon his knelt form. “What news have you brought to me?” she snapped at him, voice firm.

Dunkot returned to a stand and yet doesn’t grow the courage to find her eyes. “The breach in the system has finally been patched. The corrupted data has also been recovered. Night vision was able to capture the attack,” he explained and kept his gaze down cast.

“And those who side with Dwainet during this revolution?” We’ar-ow eyed the grey Yautja closely.

He cleared his throat and swallowed thickly. “I have removed them from rotation and put them in the brig, including Dwainet.” A pregnant paused settled in the air. We’ar-ow notice immediately he had more to say. “If I may, Monarch…” She dipped her head. “Why go through all this trouble over a ooman? He wants it dead. Why not jettison it off the ship? That-“

Before the stupid male could utter another word, We’ar-ow flew down the steps and swallowed his throat in one hand. Due to her larger frame as a female, she pulled him off the ground and held him there, choking him out. He mandibles flared out with a roar that shook the very ground. “That is my pet! That ooman is mine.”

Worst than a dry jungle fire, her eyes were alit with unruly rage.

The Yautja was at her mercy. She could snap his neck if she so pleased. He didn’t want further put himself in harms way by spewing shit from his mouth. An apology would only make things worse.

“I let him win. What kind of message do you think that’ll send to the clan? That I’ll roll over at the misfortune of a male who believes he can best a Monarch. I earned this title,” she growled into his face, ready to tear his features off. “I will not let go until it kills me, and I join Cetanu.”

“Yes, of course, Monarch. You are right,” he agreed with her, anything to let the crushing grip on his windpipe to be let up. She scoffed and released him. The male crumpled to his knees and coughed, rubbing at the new bruise that’ll appear.

A heat glare was set on Dunkot. We’ar-ow shooed him off. “Go. Send me the video as well.” To save himself from further embarrassment and attack, he scrambled away from the Monarch. Out of the room and down the hall he disappeared.

With a huff, We’ar-ow marched back up the stairs and collapsed back into her throne. The room once more empty to any living being. Her gaze returned to the screen on her gauntlet. Her eyes snapped wide at the lack of your form on her bed. Immediately, she flipped between the different screens to find you.

In the kitchenette, bent over and searching through the ice box, there you were. The tightness in her chest loosen. She relaxed into her throne once more and gazed at your form. All safe and sound in her quarters.

The peacefulness was interrupted by a pop from her messages. Dunkot. A video file. We’ar-ow could feel her gut burn and twist at the same time before even opening the file. It would take every cell in her body not to march down to the brig and tear apart that scum for laying a hand on her pet. Once she has her evidence compiled, she’ll set up a court date. Then, he’ll be stripped of his title and deemed a bad blood. Where any Yautja is welcomed to hunt him. But it’ll be her to remove his head from his body. Then, she’ll offer the head to you.

The way her scales crawled with rage she’s never dwelled to before was new. One look at the Monarch had anyone, male or female bolting out of the way. No one dared to stay in the same hallway as her while she marched her way through.

Even as she smashed her code in and entered her quarters, she didn’t stop. We’ar-ow snatched your confused form off of the couch like before and stomped into her room. The bed was welcoming. Your body was thrown once more on the pelts. You weren’t given a second to comprehend the situation before her weight was suffocating you.

Your limbs flailed about, slapping and smacking her, attempting to push her off. It was feeble thought but with all the air pushed off of your lungs, you weren’t thinking straight. “We’ar-ow!” you gasped out with the last bit of air you had.

That was able to snap the giant female out of her shadowed thoughts. She lifted her weight off of you and onto her elbows on either side of your head. Her head was quick to bury its way into the crook of your neck.

Now able to breathe, you heaved for oxygen before putting your hands on her chest and pushing. She didn’t budge, not that you thought she would. It was a good try. “What’s gotten into you?” you questioned, voice disturbing the silence that filled the room. She’s never acted in such a way before that it concerned you more than you thought it should.

Sharp fangs pressed into your fragile skin. Any more pressure would cause them to sink into the fragile flesh. You tensed up, afraid her kindness to you was all a rouse.

They never went further. “We’ar-ow,” you shakily said, heart beginning to thunder in your ears. The pink Yautja moved the fangs and dragged them over the column of your throat. You swallowed at the feeling and laid still under her. At her will.

“He is in the brig,” she finally announced. In the low light, your brows furrowed. Not that she saw. Before it hits you who she’s talking about: Dwainet. You shuttered, nails digging into her back.

“Okay?” you responded, confused on why she’s acting this way if he’s locked away. It doesn’t mean you’re safer by any means though. There were thirteen others that stood on his side during the confrontation. Who knows how many more are out there, lurking in the shadows, such as he did.

The fangs pulled away. Her piercing gaze looked deep into your eyes. “Will you come to the throne room tomorrow?" You huffed. You don’t know why she’s so adamant for you to join her. It puts you at risk. Here, it’s at least safer. Three doors to keep you from the outside world and the dangers that fill it.

“No.” You weren’t going to beat around the bush. “Why do you want me to join you so badly? Want to watch one your clan members rip off my head?” Despite your concern, though waning, you felt anger about the whole situation.

A threatening snarled vibrated your whole body. “You are safe.” Now, that irked you. If only you could push her off and be in a more equal playing ground. But no. She still hovered above you and not giving you room for escape.

“He can not hurt you while in the brig.” This again.

A soured expression passed over your features. You tried to shove the giant off of you again but she didn’t even flinch. It felt like attempting to move a brick wall. “And the others? They’re still out there, hunting me for him. My ex-mate wants me dead for some fucking reason.”

Stinging tears prickled the corner of your eyes. You looked away from her, head turned to the side. We’ar-ow pinched your chin and forcefully turned your head. “You’re mine.” Your face fell into a deadpanned expression.

“Oh, wow. Yeah, that saves me from the fact that a group wants my head.” Your seething anger only growing further as she tried to dismiss the danger of you leaving this room. “I’ve already known your species is only cruel and harsh. No need to rub salt in a festering wound.”

Your heart ached at your own words, disliking the fact that came from you. She’s not cruel. She’s not harsh. Not to you.

The Yautja started to purr softly. “No, don’t do that!” You gave another shove at her, even using your knees into her stomach. That got her to budge but not enough to remove her off of you. “Get off!” She raised a brow at you. It was stupid to demand things of her when she’s the one in charge of every aspect of your life.

Okay, well. That’s not true. But she is the Monarch and you’re just her lowly pet. That she’s fighting for somehow.

We’ar-ow leaned up on her knees, towering over you lying form. You scrambled the moment you had to get to your feet, standing on the bed. Even on her knees, you didn’t reach over her head. Her purr gone.

“I’ve regretted every moment I’ve been on this damn ship. From the moment I even met Dwainet back on earth. I want to go home, back to safety where I’m not being hunted down by someone who I loved. Dwainet was my mate, we shared a lot with each other!” you shouted at her and pointed a finger into her chest.

If you were clear in the head, you might’ve reformed yourself into the timid, shy creature she knew you as. Too terrified to deal with even looking her in the eye. But this, this was completely different.

A huffed sounded from the Yautja in front of you. That only made your anger hit an all time high. Flushed in the face, heated like a flame, you spilled secrets not meant for her ears. “And that’s why I’m planning my fucking escape!” Your voice echoed back at you in the limited space.

All you could hear was the pounding in your ears of your own heart trying to escape. You slapped a hand over your mouth and stumbled backwards, nearly falling off the bed.

The moment you saw her move, your instinct drove you to flight. You sped off of the bed in a flurry of flailing limbs for the only exit. It didn’t take more than two steps for your back to be pressed against a warm surface, trapped all over again.

Hot tears skirted down your face as you struggled against her. A futile attempt to release the hold she has on you. She was going to kill you. End it all. All this trouble you’ve caused. You just spat and disrespected her entirely. This was it. She was going to end you.

Yet, the killing blow never came. You slowly turned your head to look at her. Her facial expression was no different. “I know.”

She knows.

We’ar-ow knows.

Your jaw dropped. “You know?” you whispered the confirmation of an earthshattering discovery. How does she know? How long? Why hasn’t she tried to stop you? Punish you? She let you continue to plan this escape this entire time while knowing your idea.

“Yes. I have known.” She nodded her massive head, long tresses swaying with the movement.

“Why didn’t you stop me?!” You raised your voice again.

“I know a lot of things about you my dear ooman. You will not leave. You are mine.” A hand cradles your chin and forces your head up, exposing the soft tissue of your throat. One claw could spill your life essence and leave you drowning in it. But she does not go for the kill.

You rapidly shake your head. No! You swore this off. Swore off the hurt that would come if this were to happen again. You would not love again. Not her. You’re just her pet. That’s why she cares. The only reason she cares.

There were no more words to be said. You cast your gaze to the ceiling, unable to will yourself to look her in the eye. Anything to stop yourself from bawling out and curling into a ball on the floor at her feet.

Now, there was no escape from this hell, from this torture Dwainet brought you to.

“I will keep my ooman safe. I promised you that. There are cameras in every room, so when I am not in my quarters, you are watched over. I will keep you safe,” she reiterated for the last time. She wanted to get it into your thick skull you are to stay. Stay with her. “And your tablet. It is connected to my gauntlet. I see everything you have looked up.”

We’ar-ow leaned down to press her closed mandibles to your throat. “Maybe one day, I will teach you to fly a ship. Until then, you are to stay. Stay where I can protect you. Dwainet will face his crimes. I will quell this unrest like when I first was crowned Monarch. Everything will return to normal with you at my side, my ooman.”

Sharp tusks raked across feeble flesh, leaving behind goosebumps in their wake. You shuttered at the feeling, unsure if you liked or to fight the feeling growing more in the pit of your stomach.

After a pregnant pause had filled the air for longer than comfortably, you placed a hand on her shoulder. We’ar-ow stopped every movement in her body, waiting. “Will you tell me about how you became Monarch?” you asked, trying to change the subject. You were afraid on where this might take you if you didn’t stop it. It wasn’t a path you were willing to take a risk on. Not when fresh cuts still bled your weak heart.

Her blazing orange eyes searched through yours before casting to the side. A grunt surged through her vocal cords. We’ar-ow pulled away from you, stealing her heat back. With a motion with her head towards her bed, she stalked over to it but stopped. The alien waited patiently to follow her commands.

With nothing better to do, you shadowed behind her and crawled onto the sheets. You don’t know what the creature wanted from you and sat there, looking up at her.

She looked down at your smaller frame before kneeling onto the mattress again. All it took was a singular hand to push you onto your back. Then, she was on top of you, smothering you with her weight. This time, she was mindful of how much pressure was too much. Just enough to feel the slightest struggle to gather air back into your lungs.

The alien felt like a weighted, warm blanket. Forcing herself between your legs so they would either lay limp or wrap around her hips. Her alien face was buried back into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. A need after the day she endured so far away from you.

“You want to know about me?” If you didn’t know any better, it sounded like she was… teasing you. You tensed up underneath her, nails digging into her shoulders. She purred a laugh into your skin. “Do you know what it takes or the process of becoming a Monarch?”

All it took to answer her question was a simple head shake. You could feel her roll her eyes. “Of course, that scum never taught a thing about his culture. Typical.” You nearly snorted if it wasn’t for the reminder of the whole situation. One she either purposefully or not dragged you from.

“As you know, Monarchs are the leader of their clan with a council team. Like… a check in the system. The last Monarch nearly took down this clan if it wasn’t for the council standing up and bringing her down.” We’ar-ow shifted, still between your legs but now on her knees; nearly folding you into yourself. “When a Monarch either steps down or dies, a mourning process begins with the need to search out a new one.”

Fangs raked across your neck, leaving behind heat in their wake. You shuttered at the feeling, eyes drifting close. “It’s a month-long process. Any female is welcomed to step up and take the challenge. The old council leads the tournament, conducting the challenges for them to overcome.”

“Those who step into the ring have but one come to their death. Last Yautja standing wins the title, proving they deserve the title. It’s not one given but won.”

“As for the court, the newly crowned Monarch is allowed to either choose to keep the old council or pick new members. Many choose to pick their own, filled with people they know personally and trust. I, myself, stemmed off and kept the last court. One of my sisters is part of it. I knew many of them before I earned my new title. I preferred to learn about them and grow new bonds then having to decide who would be good for the needed positions.”

Somehow, the alien was able to shift her knees further under your lower back. You were pushed more against her fetal positioned body. Even if you minded, not that you did, there was not a chance to push the hunk of alien off of you. You huffed, amused at her antics.

While your hands rested on her shoulders, you noticed the tension under them, despite being a thickly corded beast. You tilted your hands and dug your thumbs along the countless knots filling her muscles on her shoulders.

It would kill you to say this but the way she turned into putty in your hands was… adorable. You melted at her reaction, not seeing the dangerous creature she had to be.

“By god’s grace. You’re incredibly tense,” you muttered and continued the same motion, forcing the knots to dissipate under your nimble digits. We’ar-ow purred louder than you’ve ever heard. A sound that could defeat you in seconds.

Before you could realize what you were saying, you dragged your hands down her biceps. “Do you want a back massage?” The rational side of you brain suppled it was like a payment for keeping you safe.

That was all.

Her sputtered before amping back up, face burying further into your neck. “What makes you think I need one?” The tone was teasing, allowing for bicker to rise. The same two fangs pressed into feeble skin, testing the limit of pressure. What would be too much to draw blood? Further marking you as hers besides her own Monarch symbol on the back of your neck.

Your hands return to her shoulders. “You feel tenser than a sphertine belt for a car.” She rested more weight on you and made it harder once more to breath properly. Not that you could do much to battle her.

When a confused trill sounded from her throat, you would’ve face palmed. You still haven’t learned they don’t under metaphors, at least not ones like that. “You’re just really tense. Do you want one or not?” You were growing embarrassed at the fact you were offering such a thing to her. A creature who could tear your skull from your body if she so pleases.

The pressure draped across the top of your body was removed, allowing you to fully breath. Her giant body moved to lay on her stomach next to you. Her arms crossed while resting her jaw on them. She looked comfortable as she gazed at you from her spot.

“Well?” she rumbled and motioned her head towards her back.

Despite offering, you were stunned she was letting you. Even you knew showing your back and laying down like she has was an extremely trustful action. You swallowed thickly before getting up onto your knees, knelt at her side. We’ar-ow jerked her head up again in the same motion as before. Your eyes snapped wide. She wanted you to get on her back.

Yeah… it would make the job easier but that? You gnawed on your bottom lip before timidly crawling on top of her, straddling her wide hips. It was a stretch to settle comfortably. We’ar-ow just waited.

Every next movement was slow as you started at the top of her torso, fingers massaging her shoulders. “T-tell me if I do something wrong?” you sputtered, terrified I might push my luck even with her permission.

In return you got a deep groan as the Yautja snuggled deeper into the mattress, content. It encouraged you to keep going, fulfilling your offer till the end.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18

[macgyvermedical]

What type of diet and/or exercise regimen would you recommend for a trans dude working to build a more muscular and masculine figure?

Different things work for different people, but personally I used Nerd Fitness, which was different 10 years ago when I started it, and personally I like the original NF better than the current one.

So here's a brief overview:

Bodyweight circuits for exercise. Do these about 3x per week. Look up videos on youtube for anything you don't know how to do:

Warm up by doing some active stretching that works every body part you plan to use during your workout. This can include arm circles, monster kicks, front bends, cat/cows, butt kicks, anything that stretches you with movement. Try to avoid a warm up that has you doing static stretching (stretching without moving the body part in question).

Then once you feel nice and warmed up,

5 Push ups (if you can't do a push up, do knee push ups or chair push ups, or wall push ups, and work your way up to standard push ups)

10 Squats (hold onto a chair for balance if you need to)

5 Sit ups (use an exercise ball if you need to)

5 Lunges each side (hold onto a chair if you need to)

10-Second plank (if you can't do a standard plank for 10 seconds, do a knee plank)

15 Jumping jacks

Take as long as you need to do these exercises, and pause for a break/go on to the next exercise if your form starts to slip. Try to keep breaks to less than a minute. It is better to do 5 wall push ups well than 1 standard push up badly.

If you haven't exercised in a while, try doing this 1x through for three times the first week, 2x through for three times the second week, and 3x through for three times the third week, and then start increasing the number of each exercise you are able to do for subsequent weeks. For example, try 7 push ups/12 squats/7 sit ups/etc... per circuit. Adjust to your needs and always strive to do a little more each week.

Once you're done with the workout part, cool down with static stretches of any muscle you used during the workout.

For diet, I did a modified paleo diet. The following is a good shopping list for 1 week (back in 2017 this was a $5/day shopping list, but it definitely costs more now).

Protein:

Eggs- 2 dozen

Meat- 2lbs of either chicken breast, stew meat, or sausage

Tuna: 2 cans, packed in water

Vegetables:

Sale veggie- 2 pkg

Cauliflower- 1 large

Broccoli- 1 bag

Stewed tomatoes- 2 cans

3lb Onions- (every other week)

3lb Sweet potatoes

10lb Russet potatoes- (once per month)

Fruits:

Sale fruit- 2 or 3 pkg

Canister Prunes or Raisins

Frozen fruit of choice

Nuts:

Whole raw almonds- 1pkg

Other:

Dark Chocolate- 1 large bar

Tea- 100 tea bags (once in a blue moon)

Instant Coffee- 120 cups worth (once in a blue moon)

Olive or sunflower seed oil- (once per month or so)

Salt- one large canister iodized or box kosher, (literally once per lifetime)

Condiments (I excepted these from paleo rules for my own sanity) mayo, ketchup, pickles, mustard, etc…- (once in a blue moon)

Dried spices- (once in a blue moon)

Vinegar of choice- (once per month or longer, depending on how much you like vinegar)

Bouillon cubes- (once in a blue moon)

Meal Prep Tips:

Boil most of the eggs, leave a couple for if you like fried eggs occasionally or want to make banana-egg pancakes. You can easily take boiled eggs in a lunchbox or eat them with prunes or raisins for a quick breakfast.

The prunes/raisins and almonds were and still are my go-to easy breakfast.

Grate the cauliflower- steam it with salt, oil and spices as a side later or mix it with the crumbled sausage for a 1-bowl meal

Cook the sweet potatoes and regular potatoes ahead of time. There are lots of ways to do this and they are all delicious. They are also easy to pack in a lunch box.

Hard veggies like carrots, cauliflower, sweet potatoes, and broccoli are AMAZING when tossed in olive oil, salt, and spices and roasted or broiled.

Cook and pull the chicken (easiest in a pressure cooker but you can also boil the crap out of it too). Makes it super versatile. You can make like 10 different things with it and they will all feel different. No more plain chicken boob for you!

Stew with the stew meat, any veggies (including onions and potatoes) and spices will give you many easy future meals and can be made with just about anything you’ve got (throw the stewed tomatoes in this too).

Tuna salad (with oil and vinegar and spices if you’re really feeling paleo or mayo, onions and pickles if you’re me) and leftover roasted veggies make a great lunch.

[fentrashcat]

So I've been putting off talking about my tourettes recently bc it seems everytime I have the words to express what's going on, something new happens. So instead of trying to organize things or put them into like a semi story-time post, I'm just going to list things out. These will probably not be in chronological order because so much has been going on the last 2 or so months that I've lost track of all the "when"s.

⚠️everyone's experience with Tourette's or tic disorders will be different, I can only speak to my own⚠️

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS for descriptions of tics/tic attacks, description of self injurious tics, abilism ⚠️

1. Nicknamed my Tourette's gremlin "Archibald" or "Archie". I tend to yell at my tics already when I get frustrated or annoyed, so I named him. It's mostly to make myself laugh. Saying "Archie's being an ass" or "apparently Archie didn't like that" makes me giggle, and more so when my friends play along in cursing Archie. It also lets my mom/friends know I'm not hurting from my tics.

2. Developed a lot of new tics. Some I've had before as one offs but are now common ones. The new tics include saying "knock-knock", "hi" (hi being said in not my normal voice), "Beetlejuice!". I've also developed biting at the air? Like my head goes forward and I bite so that my teeth clack.

3. Developed a frequent, kind of self injurious tic. On the same day or week that "knock-knock" came about, I also started knocking on my head twice w my right hand. It can be really soft or really hard to the point it concerns my mom. We tried having me wear like a beanie but it seemed I knocked harder with the hat on, and I'm really picky about hats bc sensory.

4. Got told by the family member I work for that I could easily find another job if I "weren't so picky". I then had to explain to her that I have seen the change in an interviewers face from "You look like a great canidate" to "finish this up as quickly as possible and never contact them again" when I had to disclose my Tourette's (noticeable repeated tics, otherwise I'd never disclose). I also had to tell her that I was "coincidentally" let go from a job the day I had to disclose, after being told repeatedly that I was doing well before. I also had to tell her that the one job that seemed chill about my tics that wasn't family connected, I had to quit bc it was 30/40min away and I don't drive so was begging people to drive me.

5. Fully convinced Archie is actively trolling now, as the "Beetlejuice" tic came about after mom said her coworker said it and she had to repeat it 3 times fast (she also has tics but is undiagnosed). Then the "Beetlejuice" started and she had to repeat it everytime.

6. I've been working for like 4 weeks now, and have had Tourette's related issues 4 times now. I've left work an hour early twice, 5 hours early once, and had to miss a day due to tics/tic attacks.

7. The missed day actually happened this week. I started getting intense head jerk tics about an hour before my shift finished, but I wanted to try working through it. Every few minutes I'd be forced to quickly/violently look to the right 5-10 times in a row. It started to hurt really bad but I managed to finish out my shift. By the end of my shift my head, neck, and shoulders hurt like crazy, and pain meds didn't seem to help at all. (Wasn't sure if they'd help for repetitive motions but figured was worth a shot). It kept going like that for 3 or 4 hours before I relented and said I won't be able to come in the next day. I couldn't lift my arms above my head or look to either side from the pain of it all. I'm still sore like 2 days later but able to move around now.

8. Biting the air tic came about when I was kind of hungry, but apparently also happens when I'm pissed? Happens randomly too, but thought that was funny.

9. Trying to figure out how to get my family to understand that just bc tics CAN mean something is wrong, they don't ALWAYS mean something is wrong. I know they're just worried and wanting to help me but if I tic 3 or 4 times in a row they keep asking "what's wrong" and won't take "nothing, it's just happening" as an answer. At which point I end up getting frustrated because they keep asking and the frustration leads to more tics.

10. We pulled up at a gas station that was advertising hot dogs and my mom ticced "hot dog" in the same voice she uses when our puppy brings her her hotdog toy. She was trying to suppress it, and afterwards she looks at me and goes "I couldn't NOT say it, like it physically hurt trying to not, is that how you feel all the time?" And I was just like yeaaaah pretty much. Mom's tics are usually reactionary, and she doesn't get a lot of premonitory urges, so it was really unusual for her.

That's all I can think of at the moment, thank you for reading. If I think of anything else I'll probably make another post but I'm not sure if I will. Sorry this one was so dense, I've been putting this off for a while lol.

[orpheuslament]

hello. 💞 i just wanted to send a message through as someone who is also bipolar and also has bpd. i've been on medicine for almost a year now and, like you, i was very scared of what being stable / semi-stable might look like for me. everyone claims that it is not a good thing to think of your mental illness(es) as being central to who you are, but how can you not when it sometimes actually is? it changes everything about you and how you veiw the world, it literally molds your mind and your emotions and your body in certain ways. but, here's the thing: on my medication, i still have those same emotions. i am still the same person. i still have those thoughts. my medicine does not erase that. it instead makes it more bearable. it gives me the space to take a moment and figure out if what i'm feeling is actually how others are trying to make me feel. it allows me grace and patience and the ability to think things through in a way i could not do without medication. it used to be, for me, where, out of a 7 day week, i would have one good day, 4 horrific days, and 2 days where i could manage. with my medication i can't even use the example of a 7 day week - on it, it's more like 14 days: 10 good days, 1 bad day, and 3 where it's so-so. and it's only so-so rather than horrific because my medicine allows me the space to breathe.

medicine works differently for everyone and sometimes it is hard to find the correct ones, but i do believe it is worth it. being bipolar & having bpd are a part of you, it's true, but the mediciation isn't going to change you into someone unrecognizable. it is going to allow you to be kind to yourself and those around you instead.

it is an incredibly scary thing, especially when you have just been officially diagnosed. but i think you should be proud of yourself for taking these steps, even as overwhelming as they can be. medicine or not, you are still you. nothing is ever going to change that. the medicine just makes being you easier.

:((((( this is incredibly reassuring & nice to read, thank you so much