#23 years of this bullshit and it just keeps getting BETTER | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jiggy-manda · 9 months ago

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restriction

jennifer jareau x fem!reader

jj and her girlfriend have to meet her mother, the woman obsessed with numbers and weights and calories

tw: disordered eating

wc: 4.3k

JJ has never had a healthy relationship with food.

Growing up as an athlete, she was always expected to be in tip-top shape, and it didn’t help that her mother was naturally a size two– “Naturally,” as her mom put it.

But JJ knew better.

Maybe her mother wasn’t aware of her own eating patterns, but JJ definitely was. She’d grown up with it. The first time she’d ever had a regular soda was at ten, and her mother nearly had a heart attack when she saw the red can. Roslyn had to be the one to tell her that talking about calories and sugar content to a ten year old wasn’t going to do anything but weaken her relationship with food.

But Roslyn isn’t here anymore.

————

JJ has never been skinny enough.

Even as a varsity soccer player, her mother still found ways to dote on her appearance. Whether she noticed that JJ only ate on the days she had soccer games or not, she didn’t let on. Whether she noticed the shower running after dinner every night or not, she didn’t let on. Even at ten, when JJ was still playing on the smaller field, her mother found ways to correct her. Your stomach is showing through your shirt. Your calves are too fat for those socks. Keep this up and they’re gonna put you on goal.

Roslyn was the only one that understood. She took JJ to get ice cream after her games, even if she lost. She bought ice cream for JJ, and then took it home every single time after JJ started refusing it.

But Roslyn isn’t here anymore.

After Roslyn died, everything spiraled out of control.

Except for JJ’s diet.

Once Roslyn died, JJ started obsessively counting her calories. Her sister was gone, and she was left only with her parents. Her dad was absent most of the time, leaving her in the care of her mother.

Her mother stopped commenting on JJ’s weight and what she consumed.

Instead, these comments were then replaced with compliments.

“Jennifer, darling, your collarbones are absolutely stunning.”

“Jennifer, you’ve been looking amazing lately. I’m not sure what you’re doing, but whatever it is, it’s working.”

“Jennifer… Ros would be so proud of the woman you grew into.”

It made her sick.

Anytime anyone mentioned Ros— her Ros— she felt sick. They didn’t know her. Not like JJ, anyway. They didn’t cry with her at three in the morning; they weren’t there when she had panic attacks in the bathroom. Nobody was there for Roslyn when she was alive, and nobody was there for her when she just couldn’t take it anymore. Nobody but JJ.

Nobody else knew about Roslyn’s girlfriend. Nobody but JJ.

JJ’s mother was never there for Roslyn when she was alive, but she was there at the funeral, playing the grieving mother who was oh so sad and had done absolutely everything she possibly could to save her.

Bullshit.

JJ knew the truth. Her mother had just as much of a part in Roslyn’s suicide as everyone else, if not more. JJ found her mother’s grief almost laughable. She might as well have just done the job herself, with the way she treated Roslyn.

Over the years, JJ only kept in contact with Roslyn’s old girlfriend, Emily.

Roslyn had died when JJ was eleven. Now, almost 23, JJ is almost just as broken as she was more than a decade ago.

Almost.

————

JJ sat down on her bed as she quickly tapped her thumb and middle finger together, an anxious habit she’d picked up from Ros. Today was the anniversary of Ros’s death, and while she’d much rather spend it with her girlfriend, she knew her parents would never allow it.

A movement causing the weight of the bed to shift caught her attention, and she turned as you sat down next to her.

“You doing okay?”

JJ gave you a pointed look.

“Valid.”

You heard her sigh, and you took her hand into yours, tracing the patterns in her palm. “You’re so beautiful,” you whispered.

JJ smiled and covered your hand with hers, a silent sign of appreciation.

“When do we leave?” You asked her.

“Um,” JJ looked down at her phone for a moment. “We have about half an hour.”

“Okay,” you said with a smile. “And, um…” You trailed off, not quite sure how to segue the conversation into what you wanted to discuss.

“She’s not coming, is she?”

Your heart dropped when you saw the disappointment and sadness on her face. “No.”

JJ let out a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling, trying to control her breathing. “Okay. That’s okay,” she said, convincing no one.

You frowned. “JJ… you’re allowed to feel upset.” You put a hand on her shoulder. “Emily is the only current connection you have to her right now, besides your family. And… Emily is the only one who really knew you guys. Both of you. It makes sense that you’re upset, just… try not to blame her too much. It’s… a lot. This time of year. Mom and Dad worry about her, and I do too.”

Blue eyes met yours as JJ lifted her head up to pay more attention.

“She...” You hesitated, not wanting to approach unwarranted territory.

JJ heard the shift in your voice.

It wasn’t just any shift. It was a shift she knew perfectly– the shift of tone where she immediately knew that someone was about to bring up food in front of her.

“Y/N, it’s okay. Just say it,” she said with a sad smile.

“She doesn’t eat,” you said guiltily. “This time of year. Especially today. And I think… I think she’s scared that if she sees you today, she might spiral. And it’s not about you, or your eating habits,” you quickly corrected. “It’s about the situation as a whole, and I just don’t think she can mentally handle it. Not yet.”

You squeezed JJ’s hand, and she returned the gesture, giving you a smile.

“I get it. It’s just… I wish we saw each other more often. I know she’s busy, and I know I’m busy, but I just wish I didn’t have to invite her to the memorial of her dead girlfriend to get her attention.” JJ flinched at the bluntness in her own voice, still sensitive to her sister’s death.

You squeezed her hand again. “I know.” You swept some hair off her shoulder, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Now,” you started, leaning back and situating yourself comfortably. “Your mother…”

JJ groaned and covered her face with her palms, falling backwards on the bed. “I hate her,” she mumbled.

Adjusting yourself to lean back, you crawled to cuddle into her side and gave a soft kiss to her neck. “I know.” Another kiss. “But we need to figure out a way for you to interact with her that’s not triggering to you.”

JJ looked at you as if you’d just suggested she swim across the pacific.

“Listen, your mom is an asshole who bullied you to the point of an eating disorder. She’s a piece of shit, but she’s your piece of shit, and until we can completely cut her off, we just have to do what we can. Bare minimum. We won’t even stay that long, okay? Two hours, tops.”

JJ gazed up at you, her sad doe eyes breaking your heart. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

She grinned as she sat up to hug you, grateful for the support. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“I love you,” you responded.

Her grip tightened.

————

JJ’s house was big. Not nearly as big as you and Emily’s, but big nonetheless. You’d only ever been there a few times– JJ wasn’t big on bringing people home, and since you both lived together, she didn’t really feel the need to bring you around often.

JJ’s parents didn’t know about you guys, but they didn’t not know. JJ never sat down and told them that she had a girlfriend; she sort of just started bringing you around everywhere and people made assumptions accordingly.

You held onto JJ’s hand as you walked through the hallway, passing the fireplace and living room. Her mother was standing near her father, likely having a silent argument solely through stares. Once JJ’s mother caught sight of the two of you, she immediately made her way over.

“Jennifer! You look amazing, dear.” She rested her hands onto JJ’s shoulder, allowing herself to take a longer look.

JJ’s skin prickled; she could feel the judgment coming off of her mother in heatwaves. She felt as her mother’s eyes traced over every line and curve in her body, and she felt sick at the thought of ever even having curves.

“You know, Jennifer, this dress is actually really beautiful. It hugs your body in just the right way– I can finally see your beautiful hips!”

You felt JJ get stiff next to you, and you gripped her hand just a bit harder, a silent reminder that you, too, heard what she just said. “Thanks, mom.”

The words tasted like bile in her mouth.

“You know, you’ve always been so skinny. And you have such a beautiful figure! I always wondered when you’d grow into it, but it seems like you’re finally filling in! Be careful though,” she added with a smirk, leaning in to wink at her daughter. “You don’t wanna look like all those girls with the fake butts and hips.”

You looked over at JJ, giving her a what the fuck? look. You knew her mom was borderline abusive– that much was true, but it seemed as if she was trying to purposely trigger her. Your mind was racing, and you couldn’t even imagine what was going through your girlfriend’s.

The entire event was extremely uncomfortable and heartbreaking, but thankfully JJ had other family members that wanted to catch up with her. You mostly sat back and listened, trying to digest everything while also keeping an eye on JJ.

The memorial itself went smoothly up until dinner.

You were sitting next to JJ as she ate her pasta when you heard her mom speak up. “Jennifer, are you really gonna eat all that? I mean, pasta, it just– the carbs and the calories.. You’ve been doing so well with watching your food around us. Do you really wanna…” She trailed off for a moment, breaking eye contact with her daughter before frowning. She looked as if she were about to say something more, but shook her head as she decided against it.

You looked over at JJ, and it was as if you could hear the gears turning in her head. She was angry, that much was obvious. But she was also smart, and she needed to play it accordingly. It didn’t stop the whole situation from breaking your heart, though. You could hear the gears turning in her head, but you could also see the tears forming in her eyes.

The blonde sighed, giving in and looking up at her mother. She took the bait. “What, mom?”

Mrs. Jareau guiltily looked at her daughter for a short moment before speaking. “Well, you have gained a little bit of weight recently.”

“What the fuck?”

All heads turned to you, eyes bulging out of their sockets, watching your response. Your eyes widened in fear as you realized what you’d just said in front of your girlfriend’s family. You looked over at JJ, and she had the same expression in her eyes.

JJ scooted her chair out and stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

You quickly scrambled to your feet to follow your girlfriend down the hallway.

“Y/N, you don’t need to come with me,” she said as she walked.

“Yeah, like hell I’m letting you go into that bathroom alone.” A hand on her elbow stopped her in her tracks. “I know what you’re thinking. I know you, and I’m not gonna let it happen.”

JJ just glared at you.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You asked.

The older blonde let out a sigh before grabbing your hand and dragging you into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

She stared at you, willing you to speak. You knew it was common for your girlfriend to shut down during uncomfortable situations. She had trouble speaking, even simply forming words. It was even worse when it came to her eating disorder, because her emotions almost always took over her rational thoughts, preventing her from clearly articulating her feelings. All her energy went into controlling her emotions; there was none left to form words.

You decided to break the silence with something lighter, not wanting to bring up exactly what her mother had said just yet. “JJ, I’m really sorry for what I said. I usually have such a good filter; I don’t know what happened…”

JJ smiled slightly, rubbing a hand up and down your shoulder. “I know. Neither of us were expecting her to say it so explicitly like that; it took us both by surprise.”

JJ always knew how to make you feel better. She was perfect like that.

“But, um..” You danced around on your feet, feeling a bit uncomfortable and out of place, not quite sure on how to lead into your next question. “Are you okay? Because what she said— it’s not okay.”

JJ’s smile faltered. “I’m okay.”

You tilted your head, giving her a warning look. “Really, JJ? I’ve known you for years; you could at least try to make your lies believable.”

The tall blonde frowned and looked down. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” you interrupted her, willing her to meet your eyes. Her head lifted a bit, and you took your chance. “I’m not mad at you. You don’t have to apologize; you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Your eyes trailed across hers as you observed her expressions, admiring the beautiful features that adorned her face. “It’s not your fault.”

JJ’s eye twitched slightly, and your stomach clenched in pain.

“None of this was your fault. What happened to you, to…” You trailed off, not wanting to bring up her sister while she was crying over her mom. Your voice hardened as you locked eyes with her, hoping she wouldn’t look away. “It wasn’t your fault, JJ.”

JJ blinked, looking down as a tear escaped her eyes. “I know.”

Your heart clenched as you listened. That didn’t sound like JJ. Not the JJ you knew. JJ was strong-willed and opinionated; the voice you heard was small and broken.

“But it feels like it is.”

The upset in your stomach was soon replaced with anger, and all you could think about was a ten year old JJ confused as to why she could only have one piece of chocolate per week. Fury, hatred, and rage soon followed, and the feelings festered in your gut, bubbling up and fizzling out every few minutes.

You knew it was only a matter of time before your usually-perfect filter went out the window completely.

You knew it was bound to happen. You just didn’t know when.

“JJ, I need to be completely honest. If we go back out there, I don’t know how much patience I’ll have.” You looked at her cautiously, monitoring her expressions for anything that could give away what she was feeling.

She gave you a small smile and squeezed your hand. “I know. I could see it happening earlier. But Y/N/N, seriously, you’re doing an amazing job. You don’t give yourself enough credit. I know you lost your patience earlier, but that’s a rare occasion.” She squinted her eyes a bit, thinking about what to say. “And this is also a very specific situation, so really, I wouldn’t say your reaction was… unwarranted,” she added. “You’re just protective of me.” She smiled. “And that’s okay.”

You grinned back at her.

“Ready to go back?” You asked as you took her hand.

“Yup,” she sighed, moving away from the counter. “Might as well.”

————

You and JJ hadn’t missed much; it was mainly still just the same group of relatives conversing with each other. Her mother was there, as well, obnoxiously laughing at a joke that seemed way too funny to be told by her father.

The two of you walked over to the living room, taking a seat next to each other on one of the couches and making small talk with some of JJ’s aunts and uncles.

It was interesting to see JJ interact with her family; they were all really sweet, for the most part. It seemed as if her mother was the outlier of the bunch, which both angered and confused you at the same time. You knew people’s filters deteriorated over time as they grew old and cared less about how they were perceived, but it was as if JJ’s mother never had one to begin with.

You were shaken out of your thoughts by a tight grip on your wrist, immediately swiveling your head to see what had happened.

JJ’s face was sheet white as she stared at the woman in front of her; you hadn’t heard what her mother said, but judging by the expression on your girlfriend’s face, it couldn’t have been good. Not that anything her mother said was ever really great, anyways.

“JJ?” You looked at your girlfriend, willing her to reply, but she wouldn’t break her gaze; she stayed staring directly in front of her.

You picked up on her energy fairly quickly; you knew if she tried to move or change her expression she’d likely breakdown, and there was nothing she wanted less than to have her family see her cry.

You stood up quickly, taking hold of JJ’s hand as she turned her gaze towards the ground, likely trying to keep her tears in.

“Jennifer, don’t ignore me.”

Her mother’s voice was warning, as if JJ were a child giving her the silent treatment.

“I can’t do this,” JJ whispered, just loud enough for you to hear.

You squeezed her hand before speaking, turning your gaze to her mother. “We’re leaving,” you said with a tight smile.

Her mother scoffed, looking you up and down as if you were nothing– just one of her daughter’s playthings.

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

Your skin prickled with the insult, and your grip on JJ’s hand grew even tighter. She turned to her daughter once again, willing her to speak. “I asked you a question, Jennifer, and you should really look at your mother when she’s speaking to you.”

You had to fight the urge to scoff at her mother talking about herself in third person; how dramatic could someone be?

JJ’s mother changed her stance to a more relaxed position, tilting her head to the side as she examined her daughter.

“Jennifer, how much do you weigh?”

“What?” The question almost knocked you over, taking you completely off guard.

JJ stiffened next to you and stood up straight, no doubt trying to make herself look thinner in the eyes of her mother. Mrs. Jareau ignored you and continued staring at her daughter, acting as if you weren’t even there.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

That got her attention. She whipped her head around to you, giving you another once-over before clicking her tongue. “Jennifer, wi–”

“No, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you so out of touch with reality that you can’t see how much of an asshole you’re being?”

JJ looked over at you with a warning glance, the only acknowledgement that she’d heard you during this entire conversation.

“You think that just because you have issues with food you can just force it on your daughter? She was a child. You didn’t even give her a chance,” you accused, feeling yourself get more and more worked up.

“Y/N,” JJ warned, her voice deep and gravelly, the voice she used when you were speaking out of turn or going out of line.

“Oh, please,” her mother replied. “She doesn’t have issues with food; she has issues with discipline and self control. You think she would look like that if she had ‘issues with food’? Plenty of women are able to control their cravings; I know I can.”

You shook your head in disbelief as she spoke, in utter shock of the cognitive dissonance the woman had.

“And if you’re gonna talk about issues with food, it certainly would not be my daughter. You wanna talk about choices? There are thousands of girls with food issues; my daughter is not one of them. Those girls never even had a chance, but Jennifer did. She chose to be selfish over being healthy; there’s nothing wrong with pointing it out.”

JJ’s grip on your hand wasn’t even tight anymore; it was loose, as if she had given up, as if it was taking a significant amount of energy to even hold on. You knew she was exhausted, and you knew this was only making it worse.

“Didn’t have a chance? Didn’t have a chance? What the hell would you call JJ’s experience then– a choice? You think she just chose to stop eating out of nowhere? Where the hell do you think she learned it from? It sure wasn’t her friends. Her whole life has been about you; you and your desire to have the perfect daughter. You did that.

So maybe those other girls— Maybe they didn’t have a chance. But your daughter did, and you took that away from her. So while you wallow in your own puddle of self pity, maybe you should reflect on why she started restricting in the first place.”

You took a deep breath, trying to control your thoughts and calm yourself down.

Next thing you knew, an iron hard grip on your wrist was dragging you out the door. “What the hell was that?” JJ’s voice was low and demanding.

You just stared at her as if she’d asked one of the most obvious questions in the world. “What was what? You saw the way she was acting.”

“She was acting like that the entire time, Y/N,” she warned. “I’ve told you multiple times how she is; you’ve met her before. We literally talked earlier today about what to possibly expect from her.”

“JJ, your mom–”

“Right— my mom. Not yours,” JJ interrupted, eyes narrow.

You felt a ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach.

“I understand that you want to protect me, but this was not the time nor place. And quite frankly, it is not your place to speak on my ‘issues with food.’ You were out of line; you do not get to decide how or why I developed an eating disorder.”

Your heart dropped. She was right.

You bit your lip, looking down as tears formed in your eyes. You knew it wasn’t fair to cry, not right now, but it was becoming increasingly harder to control your emotions. You didn’t like upsetting JJ, and you knew speaking on her eating habits was out of line, especially because her mom had been doing it incessantly for years.

You coughed, trying to hide the hiccup that came with your tears. Clearing your throat, you spoke up. “You’re right. I’m sorry, JJ.”

You were still looking down, too ashamed to meet her eyes.

Next thing you knew, you were being pulled into her chest, engulfed in a hug as she held you close, swaying a bit as she tried to help you calm down. “I love you,” she whispered, keeping you attached to her. “I’m sorry for snapping.” Her voice was soft; it had returned to the usual loving tone she used with you.

You buried your face in her chest, gripping her jacket and holding her close.

“All you were doing was sticking up for me, I know. But baby, my mother is just… You can’t win with her. I know you wanted to help, but really, it wouldn’t have done anything.”

Your heart broke as she spoke those words, because you knew they were true.

“And Y/N, I really do appreciate it. I probably could’ve handled it better; I’m not used to people defending me like that, so it took me off guard.”

You were still wrapped up in her embrace, her hand on your head as she held you and continued to sway back and forth. “Also… I was absolutely terrified because I had no idea how my mom would respond. I’ve never said anything like that to her, so I couldn’t even imagine what would happen if someone she barely knew talked to her like that.”

You sniffled a bit, nodding your head as she explained herself. You pulled away, looking her in the eye for the first time since you’d left. “I really was just trying to help,” you said guiltily.

She gave you a sad smile. “I know, honey.”

You smiled back, reaching for her hand.

“I think it was a good idea we left our stuff in the car,” you said with a slight chuckle. She repeated the sound, taking your hand in hers. “There’s no way I’m going back in there.”

“Yeah, well don’t worry about that because I wouldn’t let you,” she joked, pulling on your hand as she began to walk to the car. “You and that mouth of yours.”

“Hey!” You protested, lightly hitting her on the arm. “I told you my filter could only last so long.”

She snorted, grinning as she walked around to the driver's side.

“You’re silly,” she said as you both took your seats.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you replied. “You love me.”

She grinned at you as she started the ignition. “Yeah, I do.”

——

a/n: hii i hope you guys enjoyed this <3 i wrote this like a year ago but never moved it from ao3 to here.

#jennifer jareau x reader #jj x reader #criminal minds x reader #jennifer jareau fluff #jennifer jareau angst

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landhoe-norris · 1 year ago

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i can't even a little bit with this fandom today.

lando norris has the most points scored after max since the austrian gp. he's been driving the wheels off the car all year, and let's not forget that the car was almost stationary throughout the first races. it truly wouldn't have mattered if he had fred flinstoned that car back in Bahrain, he wouldn't have gone any slower than he actually did. he is the fifth lowest when it comes to money that he has cost the team when it comes to crashes. he's an incredibly safe driver who knows how to handle the car. he was p2 in the sprint shootout. p2. he’s not finished. fuck off with that rhetoric.

his race pace is miles ahead of his teammate's (and that's not a jab at oscar cause unlike some fans i do not enjoy pitting these two against each other).

i have seen so many comments aimed at lando about him not "handling the pressure", how he "needs to do better", "needs to learn to not make mistakes", "needs to grow a thicker skin" and i don't even know where to begin.

first things first, he's 23 years old. that's the fourth youngest on the grid. we sometimes forget about that since he was only 19 when he debuted, and therefore we've had the pleasure of watching him race for almost five years.

lando has been very vocal about his mental health. it was horrible when he debuted in 2019. he had imposter syndrome, was incredibly hard on himself, and didn't have a lot of faith in his ability, something that he said in a press conference with sebastian vettel back in 2021. he has managed to work at his mental health, become an advocate for others and has shown great leadership in the team since he had to step up back in 2021.

there are not a lot of things that people can "use" against lando to try and make him sim like a "grid filler" or a mediocre driver. most of the time it comes down to one thing, and that's sochi 2021. that race is what people use to claim that he can't deal with pressure. but what people omit and fail to realise or just don't care about is that sochi was on the team, not on lando as a driver. he made a call to stay on the slicks because the team told him the rain would stay the same until the end of the race and then didn't update him when the forecast changed. even lewis said he would have made the same call, with the same information.

it's amazing to see, that in all the years that he's been on the grid, there's one thing that can be thrown back at him, and you really have to be stretching, or just plain stupid, to even use that.

because of this incident, people like to say that he can't handle the pressure of being an f1 driver. that's bullshit. we've seen time and time again that he can, in fact, handle pressure. it doesn't matter where it's coming from.

there are others saying that he can't handle the pressure coming from oscar since he's only really had to measure himself up against carlos as a rookie, and then dan, who was fucking shit, but again, that's bullshit. he's still miles ahead when it comes to race pace, setups and tyre management.

does he put too much pressure on himself? probably. but that's the hunger. that's what's keeping him going, keeping him motivated.

does he beat himself up too much? in my opinion, yes but that also shows that he's never satisfied and that he will keep going and won't stop until he's achieved what he's set out for himself.

sure, he now has the most points scored without a win in f1, with half the fewer races than the one in p2. can you even imagine that? lando, who has never had the fastest car in his 5 years in f1, now has 525 points in 98 races! what a fucking goat.

and you're telling me he's fifth in the "most podiums with a win" with ten podiums? imagine getting this many podiums in the mclaren he's been driving in! sure, it's gotten better after summer break, where he has scored 4 podiums, but good god, he must be an excellent driver to be able to get 6 podiums in the trashcan he was driving in 2019-2022.

lando is a lot of things, and i would say, (even if i wasn't biased and i wasn't rooting for him), that most of those things are positive.

but what you cannot say is that he isn't winning material, and isn't passionate about the sport.

and for every single person out there who loathes him because he dared win against their fave, i can promise you that there are more people who love him. he's adored and respected in the paddock itself by the people who actually matter, and he is wanted by the biggest team(s) there is because of his race craft and intelligence.

i can say with a straight face that lando norris is wdc material, and i feel sorry for you if you can't accept that.

#yeah ok i had some things to say #f1 #lando norris

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blushweddinggowns · 1 year ago

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Would love to see your take on 23 or 28 good potential for fluff or angst or maybe both?

I am such a fluffy bitch! I can't help myself. If I get another one of these I will do angst because I need to work on that. But for now fluffy bullshit is my safe place <3

But I will say this tickled my uh not sfw brain, so watch out for a possible ao3 E addition the other prompt. Maybe! (Probably. the potenial of "Come and get your fix" is insane) But this is "Was it worth it?"

Honestly? You'd think Steve would be used to this by now. He was just not the guy that anyone wanted to be with. First there was Nancy, the worst heartbreak he ever had. Then there was Robin, which was better but still kind of sucked. Until Steve realized that oh, wow, this girl is literally my long lost sister. So with that, he had to admit that he was pretty grateful that she was gay as hell. The alternative would have been an absolute disaster. But even before all of that, girls just didn't like being with him. Or at least staying with him.

He was too much of a hopeless romantic, too clingy, too weird. He always fell beneath expectations. People expected him to be cool, suave, to actually match the whole "King Steve" label and be the high school dream boat that he should be. But...Steve just wasn't like that. He wanted too much too fast, always opening up and sharing shit that made people uncomfortable. That made them pull away and find someone less annoying. So he'd retreat back into the popular boy thing, be charming and a little dickish, find a new girlfriend, and start the process all over again.

People just... didn't like going there with him. Not when there were better options. It felt like the only one who could really handle him was Robin. And lately... Eddie Munson.

Eddie Munson who was currently in the middle of crushing all of his feelings into the dust.

He thought...Steve wasn't sure what he thought. But it felt like over the past year they had been moving somewhere, to something more. They were friends by circumstance, from all the Upside Down shit and then with Steve being Dustin's chauffer to the hospital for visits. It had all been so simple at first. They would all talk as a group, it would be fun, and then they'd be on there way until Dustin called him up next. Until one day Steve just went by himself. He wasn't quite sure why he did, but the bright smile that lit up Eddie's face when he saw him made sure that he'd keep doing it.

And they would talk for a long time. For a stupid amount of time honestly, all the way until the nurses kicked him out for getting Eddie too rowdy and excited. But it didn't stop when he got out of the hospital. Steve just started going to house, helping him and his uncle out as they got to know each other more. It's not like he had anything else going on. He just never expected Eddie Munson of all people to slowly become the center of his life.

They just... clicked. In a way that no one had expected, least of all them. They were so different, but they also weren't. Not in the ways that mattered. Besides, Steve liked all the play fights and debates they would have over music and movies. He liked ribbing each other over their taste in clothes and their mutual inability to get girls. He loved it even more when Eddie came out to him in the silliest possible way.

"I can't get girls because I'm gay as fuck and they can sense it. You can't get girls because every straight woman that lives here is apparently stupid. Can being too hot ruin your dating life?"

At the time it had made Steve laugh. It also stirred... something in his chest. Something warm and nice that he didn't have time to examine, not when he was too busy reassuring Eddie that yes, he's okay with it. But no, girls couldn't smell it on him. Not that Eddie cared but Steve actually had 0 clue on why no one was interested in him. Just because he was gay didn't mean the girls of Hawkins high knew that. Why weren't they fawning over him? He was so freaking pretty, and creative and fun and...and that's how Steve realized he wasn't as straight as he thought he was.

And because Steve was Steve that meant that he had to make things weird. He started doing stupid shit, like staring at Eddie's perfect mouth all the time, wearing his clothes with permission, just to smell him throughout the day. They started giving each other little nick names, stupid shit that was so close to being romantic. Like sunshine and angel. They started sleeping in the same bed together, spending more nights with each other than apart. Steve would wake up with Eddie wrapped around him, clinging to him like...like they were something more.

And it felt good. Comfortable and safe. And Steve really thought that this had been different. That whatever was going on with him had to be going on with Eddie too.

But now here he was, standing shell-shocked in his kitchen while his very good friend was trying to talk to him about his crush. His crush that had nothing to do with Steve. It wasn't exactly shocking that Steve had made all of that flirtation up in his head. It wouldn't be the first time, he was just delusional like that.

But that didn't stop his heart from breaking when Eddie said, "So...there's this guy whose like, insanely hot? And I think he might be into me. But... I don't really know what to do about it."

Steve really did not want to hear about this. He didn't like it, the horrifying thought of Eddie getting a boyfriend. Because what partner would be cool with them cuddling up together in bed? Who would be down to have their boyfriend's creepy buddy hanging around them all the time? Calling them stupid shit like sunshine? It wasn't going to happen. And acknowledging that hurt...so much more than Steve had expected.

But Steve was a good friend. That was probably the only thing he had going for him. He'd get past it. He always did. He was just going to have to completely restructure the life he had built around Eddie. That's all.

He shoved his feelings back, smiling despite the fact that he felt like he was dying a little inside, "Oh yeah? Tell me about him."

Steve wasn't sure why he asked that. And the dreamy smiled on Eddie's face when he started talking wasn't helping, "He is just awesome dude. Total catch, an absolute sweetheart. And he just fits with me y'know? And, um, I think he feels the same way. But I'm not sure. I'm too much of a bitch to even ask if he's into dudes. I don't know if telling him is worth the risk."

Part of Steve wanted to be a real piece of shit with that. To tell him that yeah, it's not a good idea. He's probably straight and definitely wouldn't be good for him. They wouldn't love him like Steve could. But that didn't exactly count as being a good friend, did it?

Steve kept it all back, his smile tight when he said, "I think that sometimes the risk can be worth it. Do you think he's worth it?"

Eddie laughed, like Steve said something funny instead of trying to be sincere. But he was smiling, staring down at the counter as he fiddled with his rings, "If it worked out, it would probably be the best thing that ever happened to me."

Steve really really did not need to hear that. He could feel his eyes getting wet. He needed to wrap this shit up and send Eddie on his way to mystery man's house before he started crying, "If that's how you feel then go for it man. He'd be lucky to have you."

Steve's voice broke on the last word, something he tried to hide behind a cough. He just wanted this to be over already.

"I think I'd be lucky to have him," Eddie said with a shrug, "But... do you really think I should? Just go for it?"

"Yeah dude, why not tonight even? If he's not doing anything else you can just hop right over," Steve was willing to sign up for anything that got him out of here faster.

Eddie laughed again, completely out of place. He was circling the counter, coming to a stop in front of Steve with a nervous little smile, "You really think so?"

Why did he have to look at him like that? With this big doe eyes, filled with hope. It was silly, what Steve thought didn't even matter, this had nothing to do with him. But that little fact wasn't helping to clear the lump in his throat.

Steve nodded, not trusting himself with words. He expected Eddie to grin, thank him, and head out into the night to profess his love for some other dude. But that's not what happened.

Instead Eddie settled his hands on Steve's shoulders, giving them a firm squeeze. He looked nervous, but excited, his eyes boring right into Steve's. He took a deep breath before blurting, "I'm in love with you. Like full-blown. A-And it's probably way to early to be saying that but it's true Steve. It's been driving me fucking insane, because I like want you man. In very non-friendship ways."

Steve stared at him, his mouth hanging open like an idiot. He didn't-wait-huh? What? That can't be right. Eddie couldn't have been talking about him because he didn't-he wasn't-but... now that Steve thought about it, who the fuck else would he be talking about? How would he even have a chance to meet someone else when they were attached at the hip?

He felt so stupid. And so relived. He didn't even know what to do with himself, besides stare at Eddie like a moron. And his silence wasn't helping anything.

"I-um, thought that you might feel the same way since, y'know. Everything. And I know you're not gay-"

It was true, Steve wasn't gay. Not entirely but, "I can be gay for you. I'm so gay for you. I might as well be an Eddie-sexual at this point-"

Steve didn't have time to finish his cringy spiel, not when Eddie was pulling him closer and smashing their mouths together. Steve would thank him later for it, but for now he was too busy melting into his arms.

He felt weirdly good when they finally pulled away, almost like he was high. Just from one little kiss.

Eddie was grinning at him, looking at Steve like he was the best thing that ever happened to him. And what an insane thought that was huh? But Steve would take it.

Steve smiled up at him, taking the time to wrap his arms around Eddie's neck, "So...was it worth it? The risk?"

Eddie rolled his eyes, his hands wandering downward to rest on Steve's hips. And then Eddie was actually lifting him into the air and onto the counter, settling between his legs like the gesture didn't just send Steve into a tailspin. Why was that so hot? When did his nerdy friend (boyfriend?) become so smooth?

Eddie chuckled before leaning back in. He pressed a light kiss to the side of Steve's lips, sweet enough for him to know it would be burned into his memory until the end of time, "Like you have to ask."

#steddie ficlet #steddie #steddie fic #silly steddie #asks #eddie: i love you #Steve: I'm so gay for you bro #Romance comes in all shapes and forms #lol #I will do an angsty one at some point #or maybe just add some angst in general?#im so fluffy #maybe we need some spice #but also im a crybaby so maybe not #a lil late but she's here~#oblivious steve #dumbass boy #he's trying

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brighter-by-the-daly · 1 year ago

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Prompts

Updated: 24/01/23

Here you will find any prompts that have been sent to me. I do not accept requests but I love prompts/ideas/brain storming together and if I like your idea you will find it here. This isn’t a guarantee that it will be written and you’re more than welcome to send your prompt to other people because idk when my brain will want to cooperate with writing these, which is exactly why I don’t take requests; prompts and ideas are a lot less daunting to me 🫶

Rachel daly x Reader ~ angst to fluff where they have an argument and they are both screaming and rachel says something that takes it too far but then a few days later Rachel apologises - @wosoobsessed

Rachel Daly x Reader ~ girlfriend Rach is finally done with her bullshit and is ready to let herself love someone and its for keeps - @hernightsky (in progress - Can’t Keep Up)

Millie x Reader ~ Autistic reader who’s special interest is photographing womans football, Millie notices reader at matches and training and tries to talk to her - @kayls93

Anons

Rachel x Reader ~ Could you do one where we are really like tough and dont show emotions or really smile but we are soft for rachel and the lionesses realise that and start to question it

Add on from @woso-scotland ~ R could be a boxer, and they either meet while Rach is at Houston or at Villa through someone like Ruesha on a team game night.

Millie Bright x Reader ~ I hate conflict so much but I’d be getting into fights just for Mills to protect me 😂

Millie Bright x Rachel Daly x Reader ~ Rach and Millie being separated in a meeting for talking and being too loud (in progress - Odd One Out)

Millie Bright x Reader ~ We need possessive Millie with golden retriever gf 🫶🏻

Rachel Daly x Reader ~ You meet while walking your dogs every morning (in progress)

Sequels

These are sequels that have been requested by readers, I encourage anyone with ideas of how to continue these stories to send them to me otherwise they probs won’t get written 😘

Lucy Bronze - Camera Doesn’t Lie

Maybe they embark on a secret relationship and it’s all fun and games keeping the secret until Lucy gets super jealous and decides she needs to officially stake her claim! - @lostintimeandmusic

Millie Bright - Big Mouth

Lauren Hemp - Crazy for You

Millie Bright - Around if you Need Me

My Ideas

Somewhere to store the ideas I’ve had but are yet to come into fruition ~ feel free to message if you have any further ideas for these!

Reader’s ex calls to ask for free match tickets and is really rude on the phone, overheard by Mills/Rach/Leah who immediately go into protection mode and puts them in their place (in progress - X)

Another player coming on to Rach at a party right in front of reader

Rach x Reader series add on of ‘where are they now’ short stories (in progress)

Your gf won’t buy you a giant squishmallow but someone surprises you (in progress - Cheat You Better)

Beth McCarthy song series addition with her new song ‘idk how to talk to girls’ with ✨someone✨ I haven’t written for yet, maybe Jess Carter or Georgia Stanway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Erin Cuthburt fic because this site needs more Erin - ideas welcome!

Collection of New Years blurbs

Falling in love with Ruesha

#millie bright x reader #rachel daly x reader #lucy bronze x reader #Lauren hemp x reader #woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso masterlist

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bloody-bee-tea · 8 months ago

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IntiMarch 2024 Day 23 - Together

The prompt for this was "Thank you for taking care of me"

Suguru feels rage bubble up inside of him when Yaga slides two stacks of papers towards Satoru and him.

“Your new missions,” he says, not meeting their eyes because he damn well knows how fucking wrong this is and Suguru’s fingers itch with the need to call on a curse.

The stacks are high enough to guarantee work until at least the end of next week and apparently he and Satoru are being split up again.

Suguru expected that eventually, but they just fought for the right to stay together and to have it thrown into their faces like that, to see that the Elders can do whatever the fuck they want is really upsetting.

He opens his mouth, not even sure what he’s going to say to Yaga when Satoru puts his hand to the small of Suguru’s back.

“Absolutely not,” Satoru says, and he sounds just as angry as Suguru feels.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Yaga demands to know.

“That means that we’re not going to do that. It was agreed upon that Suguru and I would go on missions together.”

“The workload doesn’t allow that,” Yaga says and it sounds so damn rehearsed that Suguru wants to break something.

He knew they wouldn’t take this well.

“The workload,” Satoru mockingly repeats. “That’s absolute bullshit. You want to tell me all of these are Grade One or higher?” he asks and defiantly raises his chin at Yaga. “Because it was also agreed upon that Suguru and I would only bother with those kind of curses.”

“You know that ever since you were born—” Yaga starts but Satoru doesn’t even let him finish whatever bullshit is going to come out of his mouth.

“Don’t even start,” he hisses. “You managed fine for seventeen years. There’s no way these curses are suddenly starting to crop up like this. There’s no way.”

“Satoru,” Yaga warily says but Satoru is on a roll now and in all honesty, Suguru is enjoying the show, so when Yaga turns towards him, clearly expecting help, Suguru only crosses his arms in front of his chest and leans into Satoru’s hand on his back.

It’s reassuring to know that they are on the same page about this and that Satoru is not leaving him behind, like he thought after the mess with Toji.

“We’ll take these on,” Satoru finally says, a thoughtful note to his voice. “Together. But if there is one curse in there that is below a Grade One, Suguru and I take three months off.”

Yaga winces, clearly damn well knowing that at least three-fourths of these are going to be that. The Grade One and Special Grade curses have been getting stronger lately, but there’s no way in hell that two dozens of them have suddenly popped up out of nowhere.

“The grading system doesn’t allow for a more accurate grading,” Yaga says, clearly not even believing his own words and Satoru huffs out an annoyed breath.

“Then get a fucking better one. You can’t keep sending us out for this bullshit, especially not when Haibara and Kento are right there. They need experience, too. When was the last time you sent them on a mission?”

“The Elders—” Yaga starts but Satoru doesn’t let him get further than that.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. If they want to be active so bad, send them out on a mission for all that I care. We’re done here. Grade these properly, give us one stack, and we’ll go, but otherwise good luck with finding someone suitable, I guess,” Satoru decides and turns around to Suguru. “Lunch?”

“There’s that new restaurant just down-town,” Suguru says, ignoring Yaga and his piercing look because Suguru really couldn’t care less.

He almost walked away once and he only stayed because of Satoru and the compromises they squeezed out of the Elders and he’s not about to let them bully him or Satoru into the same shit again.

“I know! They make their food extra spicy, I already checked that,” Satoru excitedly says and Suguru frowns.

“You don’t like spicy food.”

“No, but you do! I bet you’ll like it there, come on, I’m hungry now, talking to morons always has that effect,” he says, much louder and when Suguru looks back at Yaga, he sees him frowning.

Suguru almost feels bad because he knows that Yaga is stuck between a rock and a hard place with the Elders and them, but the misgrading of a curse almost cost Haibara his life and Satoru and Suguru cannot be responsible for all of the work, not if they are supposed to reach past twenty.

It’s a shitty system—and Yaga agrees on that, Suguru knows—and it desperately needs changing but if Satoru and he don’t stand firm on their stances, then nothing will ever happen.

And that sadly means that Yaga bears the brunt of everyone’s anger at the moment but Suguru is willing to take that.

“It’s not his fault,” Suguru quietly says even though by then they are far enough away from him that there’s no chance Yaga can hear them but Satoru only shrugs.

“But he’s not providing a solution either,” Satoru gives back and Suguru has to agree.

There probably are some things Yaga could do or try, but he decides to stay inactive and that is not something either of them can overlook.

“Now stop thinking about it, we have the day off and I intend to enjoy it,” Satoru says, bumping their shoulders together and smiling brightly at Suguru. “Lets get you your unbearably spicy food.”

“Just because you’re a wimp doesn’t mean it’s unbearable,” Suguru shoots back, already feeling lighter because he knows that Satoru always has his back.

He doesn’t know what he’d do if Satoru weren’t by his side.

~*~*~

Suguru is hit by a severe bout of depression not even a week later and he fully blames Yaga and his stupid stack of missions. Just the thought of having to go out, of having to go fight for something he no longer even believes in makes him want to cry and so one day he simply doesn’t get out of bed.

It takes Satoru around an hour to realise that something is wrong, and he already seems to expect the sight of Suguru still curled up on his bed when he sticks his head into the room.

“Bad day?” he asks, his voice quieter than usual and Suguru can’t even find it in him to answer.

Satoru comes closer, until he can squat down right in front of Suguru, arms resting on the bed and propping his head up there.

“Can I do something?” he asks, even though by now they know that nothing really helps.

Suguru will just have to ride it out and then in a few days, things might look better again. Or they might not, but despite everything, Suguru doesn’t allow himself to think like that.

He mutely shakes his head in answer to Satoru’s question and Satoru reaches out to push his hair out of his face.

“Alright. I’ll bring you some food and something to drink. I’ll do the missions we had planned today, but I’ll be back around early afternoon. Sound good?”

It doesn’t, because it sounds as if Suguru’s inability to get a grip is making Satoru go out there alone, is making him take on a workload that is meant to be shared and Suguru feels so guilty for it.

“Stop it,” Satoru says and flicks Suguru’s forehead which makes him frown. “It’s fine. A day or three of this won’t kill me and before we know it, you’ll be back on your feet. And if not, then we’ll figure out something else. Yaga is still looking for a psychologist, you know, it’ll be fine.”

It doesn’t sound as if things will be fine, because Yaga could not find one yet, Suguru could be like this for the next month, Satoru could die but he forces himself to nod anyway.

“People pleaser,” Satoru grumbles, because he knows Suguru too well to be fooled by him and with one last tap to Suguru’s forehead he gets up. “I’ll get you something to eat and then I’ll go, so I can annoy you again sooner. Be right back!”

He doesn’t wait for Suguru’s answer before he dashes off and it’s not as if Suguru would have had an answer anyway. He doesn’t feel like eating and he knows that Satoru does not want to hear that at all, so it’s not as if he could have said something.

When Satoru comes back it’s with water and some snacks; nothing that needs preparing, nothing that needs to be eaten hot, only things Suguru can plop into his mouth without having to think about it and just for that alone he wants to cry.

Satoru really is too good to him.

“Thanks,” he manages when Satoru puts everything down and even though Suguru feels even more exhausted afterwards, the bright smile Satoru gives him is definitely worth it.

“Be good now, I’ll be back before you know it,” Satoru says, patting his head and then simply leaving Suguru to while away in bed.

And whiling he does. He makes sure to at least eat a few of the snacks Satoru brought him if only because he knows Satoru counted them and will be even more worried if Suguru doesn’t touch them at all but otherwise, Suguru can’t bring himself to do anything.

It stays like that for longer than Suguru would like because in his eyes even a day of this is too long but when it moves past the five day mark, Suguru starts to spot the worry in Satoru’s face as well.

The worry—and the exhaustion.

He’s still going on missions, still doing what should normally be done by the two of them and it makes Suguru incredibly guilty because it’s not as if he has a real reason to simply stay in bed, except his fucked up brain.

When Satoru comes into his room on the sixth day, paler than usual, his smile not even reaching his eyes, Suguru decides that his fucked up brain can fucking shut it.

It’s enough.

“How are we feeling today?” Satoru asks, the same as always, as he goes to kneel by Suguru’s side, but this time, Suguru snatches his wrist in his hand and pulls Satoru into the bed as well.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Satoru asks, clearly surprised but Suguru doesn’t answer him, too busy getting him under the covers and cuddling him close.

“We’re going to stay here today,” he tells Satoru when he’s satisfied by their positions and since they are laying down face to face he can see the frown on Satoru’s face.

“Suguru, I can’t do that. I have to go out, there are missions that have to be done.”

Suguru shakes his head and silences Satoru with his hand when he wants to argue.

“Satoru, you’re running yourself ragged. I appreciate the fact that you’re trying to take on my workload too but—not like this. Not if it means you’ll run yourself into the ground. I can do my own shares of missions again.”

Satoru tries to speak but Suguru’s hand stops him and he only lowers it when Satoru licks his palm.

“Bah, you’re disgusting,” Suguru complaints but Satoru only gives him a wide grin.

It seems threatening and so much more like Satoru than the expression he wore when he came into the room that alone the sight is enough to make Suguru breathe more easily.

“Are you sure, Suguru? Do you feel up to it again?” Satoru wants to know and instead of answering Suguru moves closer still to Satoru, until he’s able to hide his face away in his neck.

He must smell awful by now because he can’t remember when Satoru made him last take a shower, but Satoru doesn’t complain and only slings his arms around Suguru’s middle.

In all honesty, Suguru doesn’t feel up to going on missions again but—

“You’re exhausted,” he whispers out and Satoru is about to deny that when Suguru goes on. “My problem is that sometimes, I don’t see the sense in all of this. What use is there for us to go on missions when a new curse or twelve are simply going to crop up the next day?” he asks and he doesn’t expect Satoru to answer because there is no answer to that. “But if I do it to help you—that’s different. I think—I think I can work with that.”

“To help me?” Satoru asks for clarification and Suguru nods.

“To make sure that you don’t overwork yourself, that you’re fine and not working yourself to the bone. I can go on missions if it makes things easier for you.”

“Aw, Suguru, I knew you cared,” Satoru happily says and nuzzles the top of Suguru’s head.

“No, but for real, Satoru,” Suguru says and moves away so he can really look at Satoru. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Huh? What the hell are you on about, you’re the one who is taking care of me right now!”

“Yeah, right now, maybe,” Suguru agrees. “But without you, I wouldn’t still be here. I would have left long ago, after that thing with Toji, and it’s just because of you that I’m still here.”

“But I didn’t even do anything?” Satoru asks, his confusion adorably visible on his face and Suguru smiles.

“You’re Satoru. And you’re here; that’s all I needed. I’m here because you’re here. I didn’t leave back then because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t have you in my life anymore.”

They don’t really talk about that time anymore, apart from having to remind everyone what the concessions of the Elders were so Satoru goes quiet and his eyes go even bigger.

“And if it means I can spend more time with you now and help you in any way, then I can go on missions. Just—not today. Today you’ll rest and recharge and then tomorrow we’ll double down on the work Yaga gave us.”

“Suguru,” Satoru whispers and he sounds suspiciously choked up.

Before Suguru can try to say anything else, Satoru leans in to bring their lips together. It makes Suguru freeze for a moment, before he reels back. Satoru’s face falls in a way Suguru never wants to see again and so he moves closer again, though he does keep a bit of distance between them.

“I haven’t showered in days, Satoru, I’m filthy,” he explains and he doesn’t even want to think about when he last brushed his teeth.

He’s an absolute disgusting mess and Satoru really shouldn’t have to deal with him like that.

“So you don’t—mind?” Satoru carefully asks and Suguru almost gives himself vertigo he shakes his head so fast.

“Of course not. Satoru, did you not listen? I’m here for you. You are my reason for doing things, you’ll be the reason I even get out of this bed tomorrow. I love you. Of course I don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind, either,” Satoru says and it takes Suguru a moment to understand that he’s talking about Suguru’s general state of being.

Suguru does care about that, he can’t deny that, but getting up now to brush his teeth or even quickly wash himself down still seems like too much work, especially when Satoru is looking at him with that pleading look.

“Fine, but I don’t want to hear any complaints,” Suguru mutters and steals the answer right from Satoru’s lips.

It can’t really be pleasant for Satoru, but he doesn’t say anything and instead enthusiastically returns the kiss. And then comes back for a second one. And a third.

“Okay, okay, I get it, you don’t care,” Suguru finally laughs out and in that moment Satoru seems so content that it takes Suguru’s breath away.

“I love your laugh,” he says simply, and just for that Suguru vows to laugh much more often in the future.

It’s an easy vow to make with Satoru warm and soft and loving in his arms and it’s even easier to let Satoru taste that laugh right from the source.

Today, they’ll spend the day like this—and maybe Suguru will even get up to shower—and tomorrow they will tackle the new day, but no matter what—they’ll do it together.

#bt writes #jjk #satosugu #geto suguru #gojo satoru #canon divergence #geto suguru does not defect #hurt/comfort #depression #codependency #love confessions #getting together

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ceasarslegion · 1 month ago

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Hey man I just wanted to give you condolences for how hard this work shit is causing you to struggle. Just one of those things everyone has their own crosses to bear in regards to toxic workplaces. If you are considering a change in careers I'm sure it can't be too hard to translate your experience to somewhere less intense.

Thank you 😭

I just need to get out of this specific place to somewhere that let's me rest and get my ducks in a row from here. It sucks to be at a part of my life where I realize I'm not doing what makes me happy and I have to start all over. My 20s have felt like an endless cycle of starting all over honestly, but my family tells me that's normal for your 20s and it's why they suck so bad and that I'm doing fine for a 25 year old. They've told me in a worst case scenario I could come crash with them and be a paid farmhand at my aunt and uncles cattle ranch while I figure things out, but I'm not a country guy at all. It would make me so much mentally worse to leave the city, but at least I have a nuclear option if things really blow up in my face. I'm not in danger of being utterly out of work with no roof over my head or food to eat.

I think the security industry has just gone to hell honestly. It used to be a respectable and livable job where you were trusted to handle things and weren't expected to put your life on the line for customer service experience or whatever. You could bring your books and little things to play with while on guard duty because no one expected you to just stare at the fucking wall for 8 straight hours if there was nothing to respond to. I actually first got into security early on in uni because it allowed me to do my schoolwork at work so I could balance school and finances without being utterly devoid of free time or sacrificing my sleep. As long as the checklist got done and the building was still standing at the end of my shift, they were happy.

Now they treat us like a hybrid between emergency responders and customer service representatives. We aren't emergency responders, we're supposed to be the mid ground responders. Yknow, the incidents that need intervention but aren't threats to public safety. You don't call the cops on someone screaming at the service staff or the fire department when you lock yourself out, you call security. In recent years it's turned into "well what can you do to both curtail actual emergencies and make their *experience* better?" That's not my job!! Nowhere in my job description or certifications does it say I'm a first responder! I'm not supposed to be! I'm the guy who assigns tasks and keeps everyone's head screwed on when the emergencies happen but I am not the guy who puts my own life in danger to solve them. Do not ask me to do that for 23 bucks an hour and no mental health benefits and then ask me why the guy screaming at me wasnt happy with his experience today, what's wrong with all of you

Luckily my old work friend got out and found work doing like, proper big boy government aviation security for celebrities and political figures. She tells me there's no drama or mean girl bullshit there because there's only like 5 of them and there's no need to prove themselves to each other. And it starts a whole wealth bracket above what I make now. I gave her my credentials and CV and she said she'd pass them on and put in a good word for me, so I hope that goes somewhere. Other than that my like regular schedule now is waking up and going right to my pc to open the city job board and hitting apply on everything I even remotely could do

Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant man, I really do appreciate the gesture. And as a general sentiment, please be nice to security guards. We're going through enough as it is

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nonclassyparty · 2 years ago

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OHHH LIKE A SNIPPET OR BONUS PART OR SOMETHING I WANT TO IF YOU WANT TO PLEASE COULD NEVER SAY NO TO YOUR WRITING

here, i have this 😭 it was supposed to be a bonus chapter from san's pov after chapter 9 but u can have it since i probably won't finish writing it

From: choisan.outlook.com (May 24th; 23:56 p.m.)

To: park_yn.hotmail.com

I got your letter...

This is an old e-mail address that I found in my inbox, you sent me a question about your Computer Science assignment but I never opened it...I'm sorry about that. The assignment is kind of hard by the way so if you felt bad that you were struggling with it, you shouldn't have.

I don't even know if you still fucking use this e-mail but your phone number isn't working or maybe you blocked me or something...

I hope Paris is good to you. I don't know what you're doing there, you didn't mention in the letter...

From: choisan.outlook.com (June 6th; 01:34 a.m.)

To: park_yn.hotmail.com

It's kind of shitty that I've known you for so long yet I know so little about you.

Which is definitely not your fault, I know you were trying. It's always me, isn't it?

I have a habit of not letting people I'm involved with get close to me because it gives them leverage and a weapon to hurt me. Although I did tell you things about myself that I only told Yeosang before.

You told me stuff as well but I kind of fucked up by sharing it with others, didn't I? I don't why I did that, I'm usually very good at keeping secrets but...I don't know. I'm sorry.

Thank you for keeping my secrets safe though, you're a much better person than me Y/N.

But really, I don't know almost anything about you. I keep trying to think of a reason why you left for Paris, I keep trying to remember if you ever mentioned anything about it before but everything is foggy.

I think it has to do with your art, right?

You're not reading these I'm sure so I'll keep writing to you. Don't know why, I guess I need someone to talk to.

Yeosang went home for the summer. He said he'll leave the frat next year and won't live with Yunho and I anymore, he'll move off campus. He said it to Yunho though, he's not talking to me.

If you went to Paris for your art then I'm really glad. You were always very talented.

I'm sorry I never said that to you before.

From: choisan.outlook.com (July 13th; 03:49 a.m.)

To: park_yn.hotmail.com

I was cleaning out my laptop and phone today because I got a part-time job and need extra space on both devices for all the projects and files and I found a photo of you, Yunho and I.

I don't know where I'm going with this...I just

You're very beautiful. I think you might be the most beautiful girl I've been with.

And I'm not saying it because I'm trying to be slick or suck up to you or anything, you're not even reading these so there's no point in me lying. It's just something I've been thinking about.

You know how people always say that their significant others are the most attractive people they met? That's bullshit.

There's always going to be someone better looking. It's a shallow way of thinking, I know, because I'm aware that when they say that shit they count in their personality and everything that person has done for them. It all adds points to their beauty.

But realistically speaking, they don't consider just their looks when they call them the most beautiful.

I told Boyoung she was the most beautiful person I've seen and she's pretty but I also said it because she's very soft spoken and smart and she has these little habits and interests that add to her beauty. All the quirks and flaws, beauty marks and personality traits that I loved. I meant all of that.

I don't know any of your quirks or weird habits, I know you like to wear skirts and that you like the color pink and pop music and that you paint.

But you're the most beautiful girl I've seen and this is purely a compliment I swear. I feel like I never told you that I thought you were pretty.

Not that you need me to tell you that you're pretty to feel pretty. I know you know that you're good looking.

Fuck I feel like this e-mail is so shallow I don't know why I'm still typing

I just wanted to tell you I guess that you're, objectively, very beautiful.

From: choisan.outlook.com (August 24th; 23:13 p.m.)

To: park_yn.hotmail.com

Classes started again!

I'm so busy with school and classes I fall asleep before midnight nowadays.

Yunho and I still live together but we got a new roommate. He's a freshman named Taeyoung.

I thought it would be annoying rooming with a freshman since both Yunho and I are taking a master's degree and shouldn't they have some kind of dorm system where they place freshmen together?

Apparently they do but there was some kind of mistake and now we're stuck with him. We feel like we're babysitting him half of the time. The kid is still a virgin.

But he's kinda cute. Feels like I have a younger brother to check up on once in awhile. And it's like fucking adorable how his mom sends us food as well every time he comes back from home.

He's like a little baby chick.

I miss Yeosang.

I still haven't told what happened between us to a single soul, only Yunho knows and that's because he was there.

You know, Yeosang was the first friend I made when I started college. We meet Yunho about half a year after that I think.

I know you and Yeosang never got along but he's a good guy I swear. I told him that you told him to go fuck himself by the way.

I knew he was in love with me, okay? I knew.

I knew since we started our second year and I didn't know what I should've done about that so I just pretended not to know because I didn't want to make shit awkward or ruin our friendship.

I sometimes used it. His feelings for me. He always said yes to everything as long as I asked and he always picked my side in every argument between the three of us.

It's not like I ever manipulated him into agreeing to something dangerous, it was mostly to have the place cleared out when I want to bring a girl over or get him to drive me to or pick me up from a party.

And it was shitty of me. I know i know i know i know i know

I'm a bad person and a shitty friend and I don't blame him for not wanting anything to do with me anymore. And I feel so sorry. I feel so fucking sorry but none of it can fix this. I fucked up.

But I miss him.

We had a fight a couple of days after you left. I don't know how it started but I know he was pissed at me for mentioning the stuff you told me in private to them (see he's a good guy. much better than me) and he was snippy and rude in the upcoming days until finally, a fight broke out in our living room.

I said some shit, he said some shit while Yunho was trying to mediate between us.

I was angry and frustrated and he was being an asshole and you know that Yeosang can be quite an asshole, so I might've let it slip that I knew about his feelings and then he got hurt and said something that hurt me in response.

'You know, I'm glad Y/N left. She finally realized that you aren't worth the pain it takes to love you.'

That's what he said.

It hurt like a bitch, I cried after he left (and I can say that here because I know you won't tell anyone but if in some case you DO read these, I'll deny every word).

I don't think I'll ever be able to forget those words for as long as I'm alive.

From: choisan.outlook.com (September 21st, 21:16 p.m.)

To: park_yn.hotmail.com

I went to the fall festival today and saw those pink velvet scrunchies for sale on one of the stalls that reminded me of you. It was weird.

Everything pink reminds me of you.

From: choisan.outlook.com (October 30th, 04:25 a.m.)

To: park_yn.hotmail.com

When you said you hoped I knew how much you hate me in the letter...did you mean that?

I get it. I really really fucking do. Everyone ends up hating me sooner than later. Or resenting me.

I don't know which one is worse.

From: choisan.outlook.com (November 15th, 03:45 a.m.)

To: park_yn.hotmail.com

Y/N Y/N Y/N Y/N Y/N Y/N

Park Y/N

I never could've loved you the way you wanted me to.

I feel like it would've been nice if i did fall in love with you so everything that happened could've been for something but it was just pointless wasn't it? Useless.

Truth is, I have no fucking clue what love is.

I've never seen an actual example of it in real life.

I don't even know if what I had with Boyoung was love...was it? See, I'm asking you because I have no idea.

My parents didn't love each other, all they do is argue and hate each other and I can't tell you how many times I've cried when I was a kid wishing they'd just get a fucking divorce so I wouldn't have to hear everything my father called my mother

I love my mom. See, that I know. I love my mom. I would die for her. She's the only reason why I have some shred of ...anything in me even though it's not love. Everything I do in college, my exams, part-time jobs, I do for her but I fear that will never be enough to repay her for everything she has done to me.

You know she was the only person who ever told me it was okay to cry.

My dad hated when I cried, even when I was a kid, he hated it. He always told me men don't cry.

But I wasn't a man, I was just a little boy who fell down from his bike and wanted someone to comfort him and kiss the wounds away. My dad never did, only ever told me to get up.

My mom always told me it was okay to cry years after that. She said it was okay.

I still never cried but it was nice to hear someone say it.

My dad on the other hand... I fucking hate him.

I know it's a bad thing to say but I do. I hate him and he hates me as well.

He told me once how I ruined his life and it didn't make me cry.

I don't fucking know why I'm typing this. Well I actually do. My dad called today.

He doesn't call often but when he does it ruins my entire week.

He only cares about my grades, if I'm passing my exams and is just repeating 'hurry it up with this degree shit and get a job already'.

Like I can hurry the semester up literally what the fuck. I don't even ask them for money. I never did. not once since I started college but he looks at me as if I'm an investment and not his son

I hate him so much I hate i hate i hate i hate him.

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secrethiddenundercoverperson · 1 year ago

Text

Fem!Reader x TWDG Luke - Part 1.

All That Remains | Introduction

23yo , Fem!Reader , slow burn , long plot , reader is in place of young Clementine .

Fandom: The Walking Dead Game, Season 2 Reader pronouns: She/Her

Wc. 2.3K

IN THIS EPISODE | Comfort, no romance, introduction. A/N: This is just an introduction to immerse the reader and prepare them before meeting Luke. And to clear up the timeline of this fanfic... The reader is a 23 year old woman who has experienced everything Clementine had originally gone through in season 1, except, instead of being 9 years old, she was 16 when she inevitably loses Lee. It has been 7 years since that day, and now everything picks up the same as it does in the beginning of season 2, only she is now 23 years old. You have been surviving with Christa for 7 years, and haven't found a place to call home yet, but are planning to head to "Wellington". This story will thoroughly follow the original script, but with lots of new added scenes!

The pacing of my writing may be a bit fast at times, but be assured, this will be a slow burn.

Y/N: Christa, talk to me.

Christa sighs, stands up, and tends to the fire.

Christa: This'll never work. Look at this, it's pathetic. The wood's too wet to burn. There's more smoke than flame. At this rate, we'll be eating this for breakfast.

Y/N: What else can we do?

Christa: Find something that'll burn, maybe. I dunno. Won't be easy in the dark and in the rain.

Y/N: I might have something in my bag.

There is a period of silence, and before I get up to go look for something to burn, I feel the need to say,

Y/N: We need to find a group. People we can trust. We've been on our own for too long.

Christa: Trust? You think you can trust someone out here? Not now. Not anymore.

I wrap my arms around myself.

Y/N: I'm freezing.

Christa: I know. Me too. But if you think this is bad, wait 'til we get up to Wellington, then talk to me about cold. If we make it. We still have a couple hard months ahead of us. This rain will turn to sleet, then ice, then snow. It won't be easy.

Y/N: You think we'll even make it that far?

Christa: Maybe. I don't know.

...

Christa: We just need to keep moving north.

I stand up.

Christa: We sure as hell can't stay here.

Y/N: I miss Lee.

Christa: I'm sure you do.

...

Christa: Sigh I'm gonna go look for more wood. You just keep the fire lit.

Christa leaves and I grab my backpack. I need to find something that would burn. I have a photo of Lee, a drawing of Kenny and his family that Duck drew... a piece of paper, and my lighter. I take my bag and kneel at the fire. I burn the paper and throw it into the flames, making it burn brighter.

Y/N: Better. But still not enough. The flames are too low.

I look through my bag again. Do I dare burn any of these?... No. What am I thinking? I get up and find a damp log...

Y/N: A little wet, but it's good enough to burn...

Right after I place the log into the fire, I hear people talking.. I follow the noise through the woods.

Stranger1: Jesus, are you fuckin' kidding me?!

Stranger1/Stranger2/Stranger3: Out here alone? In the middle of nowhere? But we haven't met anyone yet. How many people are you with?

Stranger1/Stranger2/Stranger3: Hate to see someone get hurt.

Stranger1/Stranger2/Stranger3: Now, hold on, she's setting you up.

Christa: I'm by myself.

Stranger1/Stranger2/Stranger3: You're obviously with someone. Where's your group?

I see Christa... and she's surrounded by a hostile group.

Stranger1: Don't fucking lie to us!

Stranger3: Who do you think you're foolin'?

Stranger1: Give us the truth and you don't get hurt.

Stranger3: You fuckin' with me? shoves Christa Where's the rest of your group?!

Christa: I'm by myself!

Stranger2: Bullshit!

Stranger1: She's lyin'.

Stranger3: points gun at Christa Cut the shit, lady.

Christa: It's... it's just me.

Stranger2: Come on, guys! points gun at Christa She's not saying!

Stranger3: You expect us to believe you're out here all alone?!

I'm panicked... I have no weapons, and no idea what to do! I need to distract them or something. So I pick up a rock and throw it at this guy's (Stranger1's) face.

Stranger1: What the fuck?!

Y/N: Christa, run!

Stranger1: Hey!

I see Christa run away, but hear a gunshot. I'm sure she's okay... I run in the opposite direction.

Stranger1: Get the fuck over here! Now!

I hide behind a tree.

Stranger1: Motherfucker! Come out here, girl. I'm not fucking around. Look, girl, ain't no way you're smart enough to get outta this. Just come out.

I run, and the man chases me. He's large. Much larger than me... He's wearing a big hiking bag, and has a scary face... There's something real disturbing about him- besides the fact that he's attacking me...

Stranger1: Shit! Get the fuck over here!

I crawl under a fallen tree and continue running.

Stranger1: Goddamn it!

As I'm running, I'm dodging walkers. Hoping one of them gets a hold of this man...

Stranger1: Fuck!

He kicks the walker's knee and stomps on its head. I then break a branch off of a tree.

I step aside as the man charges forward at me, then I stab him in the shoulder with the branch.

Stranger1: Jesus, are you fuckin' kidding me?!

I continue running, but then stop. I'm suddenly at the edge of a riverbank. I can't go anywhere else, and the man grabs me.

Y/N: Leave me alone!

Stranger1: Then stop fucking running! Quit squirming!

I bite his hand.

Stranger1: Ah! Fuck! Ah! Ow, let go, you little bitch, Jesus Christ!

He releases me after I bite him. I quickly scan my surroundings and see a big hollow log. I crawl into it in attempt to get away.

Stranger1: Come out of there!

He grabs my leg. I try my best to kick him over and over. He drags me backward and I grab onto a nearby tree.

Stranger1: Jesus, are you fuckin' kidding me?! Come on, girl.

No matter how hard I tried to hold on, he ends up pulling me away from the tree. He grabs onto my wrists and I try to kick him away again.

Y/N: What do you want from me!??

Stranger1: You are on my last fucking nerve! Stop fucking kicking!

The thought of what he could possibly want from me... I gather my strength and kick as hard as I can. My kick forces him backward. Then a walker grabs him.

Stranger1: No, shit!

Just when I think I'm in the clear, another walker grabs my arm. I do my best to pull away. I'm just inches from a bite...

I break free, ripping off the walker's arm. I step aside as a walker approaches, and it attacks the man, ripping out his throat. I run through the woods, dodging more walkers.

But then, I trip and fall. There's dozens of walkers coming towards me. I am left helpless. I have nothing to defend myself. I'm crawling away backwards, then pick up a nearby rock. I throw it at one of the walkers in attempt to fight them off. It's no use. I keep moving backwards, then fall off of the cliff into the river below.

The water is freezing, and the current is pulling me away swiftly. It all happens so fast... The cold water takes my breath away, and I couldn't swim out of this even if the current wasn't so strong. That's when everything goes black...

~~~

I'm not sure how... but I survive... my mind is groggy as I wake up ashore. My clothes are soaking wet and I have no clue where I am.

Y/N: Hello?

There is a canoe in the distance. It says "JR. TANUKI'S KIDS CAMP" and is split in two, the other half stuck on some rocks in the river. How sad...

I find a staircase. What's left of it at least... It's just a wooden platform now. I jump and try to grab the top ledge of the broken stairs. It takes me a few tries, but I eventually pull myself up.

Y/N: Christa, are you there?

I look around and see a grave. I look sadly at the grave made of sticks.

Y/N: Sigh

I walk along the trail ahead.

I see a sign that says: YOU MAY ENCOUNTER: BLACK BEARS COYOTES MOUNTAIN LIONS POISONOUS SNAKES OR OTHER SPECIES BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS

I shake my head. I don't see many animals anymore. I'd be kinda happy to come across one of these... I guess?

I climb over a fallen tree in my path and continue walking. Eventually I hear the bushes rustle, discovering... a dog! What crazy timing... He growls at me...

Y/N: It's okay, boy, it's okay...

I carefully check the tag on his collar.

Y/N: "Sam". Well, nice to meet you, Sam.

Sam walks a short distance away and sniffs the ground.

Y/N: What are you doing?

Sam barks and runs off.

Y/N: Sam. Sam!

I wonder to myself, if I should follow him.

Y/N: Where are you going? Wait up!

Of course I will! I've found a dog! I chase after him. He brings me to an abandoned campsite.

Y/N: Hello?! This place looks pretty run over, but you never know. Let's look around for some food.

I let Sam sniff my hand, and then I pet him.

Y/N: There you go... I'm not gonna hurt you...

I look around for something to eat.

Y/N: Find anything yet?

Of course the dog won't answer. But I talk to him to keep my spirits up... Then, I spot a frisbee on the ground!

Y/N: Hey! Wanna play? Wanna play catch?

Sam barks at me and wags his tail, so I throw the disc and he catches it!

Y/N: Okay, bring it back!

He drops the disc in front of my feet.

Y/N: Good boy Sam!

We keep playing until my stomach growls again, and I remember, I should probably be looking for food instead, so I end the game of catch and Sam walks away.

I find a big metal barrel full of trash. I need to know if there's anything good in there...

Y/N: Well... here we go.

I roll up my sleeves and digs in the trash, finding a full can of beans.

Y/N: Oh my God. Thank you! Look, Sam, a can!

Now I just needed to find something to open it with... I approach one side of the camp, and Sam barks.

Y/N: What's the matter, Sam?

Sam continues barking.

Y/N: Shh! We have to be quiet.

I approach Sam and try to talk to him. I eventually see that he's barking at a walker tied to a tree.

Y/N: It's okay. He's dead. Look, you can see the bite. Looks like he tried to cut it out.

I pause and think of Lee...

Y/N: But that never works...

Sam whines at the walker.

Y/N: It's okay. We're smart and he's not. We're smarter than all of them.

I look at the knife buried in the walker's shoulder and try to pull it out, but the walker almost grabs me. I pick up a nearby branch and prepare to smash in its skull.

Y/N: Stand back, okay?

I sling the giant branch over my shoulder, then repeatedly smash the walker's head with the branch until it dies.

Y/N: See? We just have to stay out of their reach.

I search the walkers pocket.

Y/N: I like to think that...if they were alive, they'd probably want to help you.

I find nothing in its pocket.

Y/N: Sigh Nothing.

I grab the knife and wipe off the blood.

Y/N: Still pretty sharp.

I look at Sam and smile.

Y/N: Okay, well, now we're getting somewhere.

I walk away from the walker and sit on a log, holding the knife and can of beans.

Y/N: Please don't be bad.

I cut the can open. It looks good enough to me.

Y/N: Thank God...

I eat the food with my hands. Sam sits down and whines.

Y/N: I guess you're pretty hungry too.

I couldn't just let Sam go hungry! I hold out some of the food.

Y/N: Here ya go.

Sam lunges at my hand and I drop the can. He tries to eat all of the beans.

Y/N: Hey! Don't eat it all.

I pick up the can. But then... Sam jumps up and bites my arm, dragging me to the ground. I scream in fear, and more so, pain!

I repeatedly punch Sam in the face, as much as I don't ever want to hurt an animal...

Sam takes a few steps back, and lunges at me again, but I kick him backwards, and he disappears behind a log... I grab my knife... I'm almost frozen in shock... As I'm shaking, I slowly walk over to him, where I discover... he is impaled with several metal spikes.

He whines and flails, trying to get free. The sight makes me sick to my stomach... How did I end up like this so fast? Why did he have to do it!? My eyes swell with tears as I think to myself... He is just a dog, he is just doing what comes naturally... But I wish it could have been different.

I snap out of my thoughts and quickly realize, Sam is suffering. I need to end it for him...

Y/N: I'm... I'm sorry, Sam.

I stab Sam in the throat, killing him. I roll down my sleeves to cover the bite and leave the camp.

I continue walking through the woods. All that is going through my mind is the burdening disgust at the nature of this world. I find a dog... then have to kill it because it attacked me? Why? Why couldn't we have just been friends?

It reminds me of everything else in this world now. I don't think I could trust anyone ever again after Christa... Her words run through my mind over and over, "Trust? You think you can trust someone out here? Not now. Not anymore..."

I whimper in pain and exhaustion and sit down, leaning against a rock. I can't go anymore... my vision becomes blurry. Walkers start to approach... I have to get up. I have to at least try to escape.

There are walkers everywhere.. and one walker knocks me over. I try to push it away; but then suddenly, it is decapitated by with a machete. Someone else fires a crossbow at the other walkers...

Stranger: I'm out! Grab her, let's go!

To be continued !

#twdg luke #twdg x reader #twdg #luke x reader #twdg s2 #twdg luke x reader #fanfic #luke twdg #part 1

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br1ghtestlight · 10 months ago

Text

getting war flashbacks to the bobs burgers fanfic where louise is doing math homework in the restaurant when nobody else is around and then bob has a heart attack </3 that shit was TRAUMATIZING

love linda shouting four whenever there's a math problem or anything related to numbers. best recurring joke. FOUR!!!!

you can do it gene :D also im so bad at math I 100% would not be able to help either. dumbass rep family

bob trying to help gene with his homework is cute. even if he is Not very good at it. he wants to be an involved dad :(

gene im not gonna lie that math question has gotta be fucking with you. rhat is not a real question. i could NEVER do that not if i was given 100 hours that shit is fake

see this is where when I was in math class i would just write a random number and move on bcuz im never gonna figure it out anyway im not gonna waste time. so that's my advice gene. just Give Up

he says "maybe your mom or tina could get you started" because they're older but I genuinely think louise has a better chance of helping bcuz she is so smart. if she'd WANT to help is another question entirely

because I'm stuck in a safe 😐

AND THEN HE BLINDFOLDED ME ON THE WAY HERE??? HE BLINDFOLDED YOU??????

teddy I think his guy is gonna murder you im gonna be so real right now

unfortunately im kinda following teddy's logic now like. it isnt like fischoeder isn't doing this type of shit everyday just for fun. rich guys are just like that BUT getting their money is nice

"gene was doing homework?? that's new"

WE'RE NOT ALL ECONOMICALLY COMFORTABLE LIKE YOU ARE

"Why did you tell me the whole long story about the sandwich in the drawer if you're running out of battery LOCKED IN A SAFE??" "Context!!!!"

also bob and teddy have such great comedic chemistry lmao they bounce off each other so naturally

louise isn't lying she Does have a certain set of skills 😭 if anyone could find him it WOULD be her the lockpicking genius nine year old supervillain

miss you. see you soon. gotta go!!

has he gotten a new cellphone since that MIDDLE OF THE DAY AND YOUR PHONE IS AT 23% argument or is it that same shitty 2008 blackberry phone that dies almost immediately lmfao

bob is a real one for doing this bullshit for teddy he did NOT have to. they're ride or die fr

I'm not entirely unconvinced that gerald isnt a serial killer but thats okay <3 men can have hobbies

also I'm choosing to believe this gerald is the same one from the taxes/weed cookie episode even though it ABSOLUTELY is not bcuz i think that would be funny. by day he's a regular tax agent by night he is a creepy rich kidnapper who pulls mind games on all his handymen

OH I FORGOT THE SUBPLOT FOR THIS EPISODE IS ABOUT SPORTS PEOPLE why did they do the whole thing with gene's homework then.... are they connected. what is the gameplan

WE PICK A NEW LOVER FOR MOM

i love how bob is apparently the only thing keeping his family from going completely off the fucking rails like. he's the only thing standing between his family and their restaurant burning down with everyone inside fr

your dad never loved that dream :/ because he's a hater :/ AND SO JEALOUS :/

you're not gonna break the world record. another hater. STOP THAT

I might be having a panic attack 💔 I CANT TELL BECAUSE IVE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE OR IM ALWAYS HAVING ONE soo real teddy

WE LOST HIM 😭😭💔

aww I love them all wearing their lil aprons <3 (crappy photo of my tablet bcuz the app im using to watch this episode doesn't allow screenshots)

SAY SOMETHING SMART LIKE UHH HOW WOULD YOU FLIP A GIANT BURGER. OH GOD THEY DIDNT MAKE THE GIANT BURGER DID THEY. WHO WOULD EVEN AGREE TO EAT THAT. AN OVER FOURTY CO-ED BASKETBALL TEAM. REALLY 😯

sorry this episode has so many good ooc quotes FJDMDJSKSKKM

gene STOP calling him father

bob is being like a whole ass detective meanwhile linda and the kids are currently making The Worst Decisions Ever

h jon benjiman is doing such a good job voicing bob in this episode idk it has so much personality and sounds natural. or it's always like this and im just now appreciating it but either way A+ work

cute bob and teddy moment ❤️❤️

(ignore the awful camera quality. nothing I can do there) also love the fact that teddy can easily lift up and manhandle bob. Good to know

there's so much going on w/ this gerald guy I dont even know WHERE to begin. what a guy. wow

this is so cute and sweet im so happy!!! YOU DOUBLE FAKE WALLED HIM :D YOU SMART SMARTIE. YOURE A GENIUS BOB

"I knew I asked the right person to come help me. Yeah. Mort wouldn't answer."

"What? You called Mort first?"

"No..."

HE ASKED MORT???? LMFAO big win for tedmort shippers. I fucking guess

MORT NEVER DOUBLE FAKE WALLED ANYONE why is bob like genuinely jealous of mort and teddy right now 😭 chill out man you've got a wife at home

"let's just say it's twelve" FINALLY bob follows my very smart advice when it comes to math homework smh

ALSO THIS IS TECHNICALLY THE FIRST TIME WE'VE SEEN THEM EATING BOBS BURGERS FOR DINNER OR IN GENERAL!!! I mean it's a giant hamburger loaf but it technically was served at bob's burgers so it counts

GIANT FRENCH FRIES

aww this episode was so fun and cute!! I love the more adventure-y type episodes where they explore a new location so this episode was great and very stressful lmao. also very funny. I love bob and teddy's dynamic/back and forth throughout the episode and the weird mort mention at the end felt like they were soft launching his and teddy's relationship even though I KNOW they aren't actually. mort could replace kathleen if we believe. very solid 8/10 episode :)

#txt #bob's burgers #episode review #bb spoilers

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greeneyedsigma · 5 months ago

Text

Having talked about Sandman, allow me to tell you about how I imagine Frost. Female Frost specifically, because whenever a game gives me a faceless pair of arms, I tend to project myself onto them...and I am a shameless genderbender, lol. This is going to be another long one.

Sergeant Deena "Frost" Westbrook

33 years old

Pale skin, pale blonde hair and white/blue eyes. One of the two reasons people call her Frost. (The other reason is because she's the master of the icy stare and icy silence.)

5'9, on the curvy side. The military being the highly sexist place that it is, she's been given shit for...just wearing a regular old uniform. Once accused of "being obscene" by a colonel who could keep his eyes (or his hands) to himself. Busty through the chest and muscular thick through hips, thighs and ass. To quote Sandman (in response to the Colonel's bullshit), "Don't give her shit just cause she fills the uniform out a little bit better than the rest of us. She's wearing a regulation uniform with no issues. Just because you can't look at a woman without getting hard doesn't mean Frost should be punished."

She joined the military when she was 23, shortly after she finished college. Enlisting rather than going to OCS (officer candidate school) was a big old middle finger to her dad, General Abraham Westbrook. He wanted her to become an officer, to make him look good, to do the same song and dance as her brothers, plus the added desire for her to hook a high-ranked officer husband (sexism again, thanks, Dad). He disapproved of her enlisting. He disapproved of her joining Delta Force. And he most certainly disapproved of her relationship with Sandman. Frost doesn't really talk to her dad anymore.

She's a jack of all trades when it comes to weapons and skills. If Sandman needs something done, Frost is his go-to.

She has a low tolerance for sexist bullshit. Upon meeting Graves for the first time, she put him into an armbar for calling her "darlin'" and asking her to "be a doll and grab me a coffee." Sandman doesn't even ask if he sees her kicking somebody's ass. Knows she can handle it. Price told Graves it was his own fault. (There exists a list, unbeknownst to Frost, Sandman keeps of men on his shitlist for being douches to Frost. He updates it regularly)

Would pay money to see Sandman in a pair of sweats and nothing else. She is very open about what she likes. And what she likes is Sandman's butt. Once drunkenly invited Price to join her and Sandman in bed. When told later, after she sobered up, stood by that invitation.

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw #cod mw3 #derek frost westbrook #female frost #cod frost #sandman cod #john price #captain price #captain john price #character development #it's for a fic idea I had #will i actually write it?#who knows

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softpine · 1 year ago

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hi brandi!! i might be wrong but i have a half memory of you writing up a text post or an ask reply that detailed everything we know about finns case/the timeline leading up to his death so far - would you be able to relink it or pin it somewhere please!! i'm trying to cross reference the dates of the journal entries to prev things finns said etc hehe

ahh i feel like i remember this too, but i can't find it for the life of me!! i'm wondering if maybe i was just talking about the wiki? because i wrote up a giant article for finn's page in the wiki (which is still unfinished i'm sorryyyyy) but i don't know if i ever posted it publicly?

either way, here's a timeline of finn's whole life so i won't spoil anything by telling you what is or isn't important :P

1963 - donald atwood, richard's father, dies. he was an abusive man, particularly to his wife, bessie.

april 19, 1970 - finn is born to richard and lucy atwood.

1973 - due to financial struggles, finn lives with his grandma bessie for a year. she would've been happy to take care of him longer, but richard finds a better job at the factory and takes him back.

1974 - the atwoods start renting the house we've seen finn grew up in. it was split into four units. the atwood family were on the bottom left floor, the porter family (chris, his wife, and their son steven) were living in the bottom right half. the two units above them were frequently cycling through tenants.

1975 - with richard and chris being neighbors and working together at the factory, they become close friends. they were both heavy drinkers before they met, but it escalates into addiction. this is also when the abuse begins. it starts as neglect rather than purposeful violence (such as finn being locked out of the house during a blizzard).

1978 - grandma bessie dies. she left finn an expensive cross necklace which he wears hidden under his shirt so it won't be stolen. due to a combination of richard's grief over losing his mother + no longer having her around to keep him in check and watch out for finn, he loses his temper more often and this is when the physical abuse begins.

1980 - finn starts formulating a plan to run away. he wants to live with his aunt & cousin (on lucy's side) in new york, and he thinks if he can just get away, his parents won't care enough to take him back. he finds a boy scout's uniform and starts going door to door selling chocolate, running errands, doing odd jobs, and stealing money when he can get away with it.

july 9, 1981 - chris hits steven for the first time. no one knows it at the time, but this is a turning point not just for steven, but also for finn. this is around the time when they make promises to each other that they're never going to drink, never going to have kids, and as soon as they leave home, they're never coming back.

october 31, 1981 - finn describes this halloween as "the last good day".

early november, 1981 - chris porter gets a better job and moves his family to the suburbs, where steven starts making friends with the other kids. he's cruel to finn at school because he wants to distance himself from the reputation they shared.

december 23, 1981 - officer tim andrews arrests richard for a few small charges like public intoxication. he's very familiar with the atwood family and has been looking for any opportunity to arrest him for a while now. finn thinks he's creepy and hates how andrews is always getting involved in his business and trying to act friendly with him. finn bails his dad out of jail with his secret money (but what he doesn't say in his journal is that he stole that money from his upstairs neighbors while they were moving out).

january 6, 1982 - finn gets into a physical altercation with steven and another classmate. in reality, the two boys jumped him while he wasn't paying attention, and he calls it "fucking bullshit" that he got suspended for fighting back. even the teacher who broke up the fight wonders if this was a "coordinated effort" between the boys, but finn still gets punished.

this is around the time when paint it black takes place.

january 29, 1982 - after a month of listening to officer andrews offer to help him, finn decides to accept and ask him for a ride to his aunts house. notably, he calls him "tim" in his journal entries, which could be to disguise his identity or because he's gotten more comfortable with him. he writes that he'll do whatever it takes, "even if tim wants money or something else" (finn genuinely thought he was a predator, in case you didn't pick up on that), but we know the only thing tim asked for in return was for finn to never tell anyone that he was the one who drove him away. he agrees. (we also know that in an alternate universe, officer tim andrews did drive finn to new york, which is how NYC griffin survived.)

february 3, 1982 - finn writes in his journal: "I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry to God for what I did" next to a blood stain. this is the date asa was looking for, so clearly something traumatic happened here which we'll see soon. it's also the last time finn writes in his journal.

march 8 through 11, 1982 - a red or black truck is seen circling the area of l'eau state park. this is only reported much later, so eyewitness accounts are conflicting. the truck may have been painted black after the crime.

march 12, 1982 - richard and finn had planned to go on an overnight hunting trip l'eau state park, but lucy had the day off work, so she decided to come with them. she started inviting their friends and it suddenly became "the worst kind of party". if things had gone according to plan, finn would have waited until his dad was asleep, then taken his bag (with all his saved money inside) and ran to meet officer tim andrews, where he waited in his (red? black? neither? truck). but everyone was still awake and partying at this point. the last thing finn remembers is leaving his bag & money behind, and making a run for the woods.

late at night on march 12, 1982 - chris porter, who attended the party at the camp site, arrives home drunk, soaking wet, and covered in mud. he gets agitated with steven, who later says that his dad was never the same after this night.

noon on march 13, 1982 - lucy atwood wakes up to find that finn is missing. she finds his bag still in the tent, so she assumes he's gone wandering. hours later, when he still hasn't come back, she and richard find the nearest payphone. first, richard calls chris porter, hoping finn had gone to see steven, but no one answers the phone. lucy calls her sister, etta, because she knows if finn ran away, that's the first place he'd go. etta doesn't know anything about finn's escape plan and urges lucy to report him as missing immediately. however, lucy and richard decide to search for finn themselves for many hours first. they're afraid they'll lose custody of finn if anyone knew their child ran away while they were drinking and doing drugs. they hide any indication of the party. in the evening, when they haven't found any sign of finn, they finally call the police.

march 14 - 18, 1982 - search teams are sent looking for finn. he never shows up at his aunt's house. officer andrews, of course, does not tell anyone about his and finn's plans – we have no idea what he does or doesn't know about that night. he could've driven away after finn was a no-show, he could've been the one who killed him, he could've seen someone else killing him, etc. no one knows. after only a few days, searches are called off due to weather (a mix of rain and snow). richard and lucy continue to do public appeals for their son, though they're quickly becoming the most hated people in the state.

march 27, 1982 - finn's body is found by a fisherman at l'eau state park. finn's parents are informed of this while live on tv. due to the cold weather, finn's body is not badly decomposed, but he was beaten so extensively that he was unrecognizable. this was not an accident. his body almost appeared to be posed, with his legs straight but his arms spread open like a cross. this is why he was given the nickname "angel of the bay" while they awaited confirmation of his identity. additionally, the cross necklace he wore was upside down on his chest. this, in the climate of satanic panic, lead many to believe he was the victim of a satanic cult killing. a lot of evidence was either never collected or was poorly preserved or outright lost/destroyed, especially once the case started to go cold.

(we know that 90s griffin survived the attack because he jumped off a cliff and played dead – this is the advice that time-traveling asa gave him, and it worked. he was unable to move, so he remained there for days before being rescued. he doesn't know / doesn't want to remember who attacked him.)

april 1982 - the police finally start conducting interviews with anyone finn knew. the problem is, it's been weeks since finn was killed and everyone's memory has gotten fuzzy. for instance, they want to find out if any of finn's classmates were absent from school and/or visibly injured the day after his death, but no one can remember. investigators have no idea about the party, and none of richard or lucy's friends are saying anything at all. steven lies and says his dad was home all night. basically no one is telling the truth, and even if they think they are, there's a huge chance they're misremembering things. the case goes cold. lucy and richard move away.

around this time, finn "wakes up" as a ghost. it's too painful for him to stay around his parents, so instead, he follows his cousin liz around in new york. it frustrates him that he can't talk to her, so he starts acting out, throwing things, etc. liz begins hearing his voice, then seeing glimpses of him, then seeing full blown apparitions. but it wasn't just finn; she started seeing other ghosts too. it scared her so badly that she told her mom about it, who encouraged her to seek help. finn felt bad and decided to leave her alone at this point. he got lost in "the nowhere" and took a nap for like... 30 years.

2006 - tim andrews is now the sheriff. he announces that finn's case will be reopened with the hopes of using new technology to find the perpetrator. it seems promising at first, as finn's name is all over the news, but it doesn't take long for the case to stall again. so much evidence is unusable by this point.

2020 - chris porter is brought in for questioning once more. he says nothing new, but it clearly shakes him. he reaches out to his son, steven, one last time, to apologize for everything he put him through. then he drives to the nearest railroad tracks, sets his truck on fire on the road, then lays down in front of an oncoming train.

2021 - steven dies of liver failure due to alcoholism. finn was able to be there for his last moments. steven tells him he named his son (who passed away years ago) after him.

2023 - asa and elaine speak to the atwoods about finn's case.

and that's all for now! i say as if this wasn't an ENTIRE podcast script fjskdjs if you read this far, here's a cookie 🍪

#i do change these dates sometimes haha it's the nature of posting as i go #sometimes i write myself into a corner and i have to choose between staying stuck or changing a date that probably no one will notice #so i apologize for that!!#i'm sure i forgot something too lmao i wrote this entirely from memory 🤯#asks #anonymous #nonsims #brandi answers

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poletje-s-teboj · 9 months ago

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very soon you'll see (kris guštin/martin jurkovič)

HEY! after approximately 6-8 years i picked up writing again and decided to write a story about my two fave members. please keep in mind, i'm not a pro at writing, more like a beginner! english isn't my native language so i am excusing any grammatically or vocabulary mistakes. i hope you enjoy my story! have fun! :)

some day in april 2023

the sky of ljubljana was covered in fog, just as always. you couldn't see anything rather than a big shiny dot in the sky that somehow resembled the sun. the weather itself wasn't that cold actually, it just seemed like a typical day in november when you look out of the window, eventhough it was april and started to become quite hot in the afternoon, not the unbearable heat of the summer months tho. right now, it was kinda cold, so cold that kris needed to wear his warm coat and a scarf to not suffer from the weather.

he had been up all night, he attended the birthday party of one of his friends of university, who just turned 23. kris hasn't seen his friend from university for over a year now, since he hadn't been in the building after he got his bachelor's degree in chemical engineering. his friend was already doing his master's in the same field. it was a wild party: he met many of the friends he hadn't seen in ages, the party even had an own dj and of course, there had been lots of alcohol. (quite normal for an univeristy party) kris could still feel the alcohol in his body, just not as much as he felt it when he was still having the time of his life on the party.

the wind was blowing his brunette hair into his face, which annoyed him slightly. he only focused on getting his hair off his face which made him ignore whatever was happening around him.

he had been so busy fighting against the wind that was trying to cover his face with his own hair that he didn't recognise at first that someone's been tapping on his shoulder.

"hey kris, what are you up to so early in the morning?" a familiar voice asks him. he turned around and was now straight looking into the eyes of his friend and former bandmate martin. he smiled at kris and he looked slightly confused at his friend. kris felt some nervousity before talking to martin, that he had never felt before. it was an unknown feeling, the only similar thing was the way he felt when he talked to his ex girlfriend for the first time. but that can't be the same thing, or could it be? kris simply blamed it on the alcohol that is still left in his bloodstreams after the excessive party night with his university friends.

"hey martin, uhm i wanted to ask you the.. same.. th..thing." kris began to stutter and martin gave him a confused look. there had been another strong wind breeze and kris decided to hold his head against it to clear his mind and that for god's sake he'd stopped stuttering and talking bullshit to his friend.

"you good?" asked martin with a slightly concerned voice. "yes i am. i'm sorry for the stuttering, i guess it's the alcohol's fault. i was at a party of one my friends from my classes at uni. he turned 23 yesterday." he sounded better than in the first sentence he said to his friend but still kris only got one thing on his mind.

why did he start to feel the same way as he did when he talked to one of his girlfriends for the first time? he had never felt anything in that way towards martin, or any of his bandmates. they were just best friends, nothing more. at least for now.

"that must've been a great party. you sound quite exhausted" martin said while he was getting closer to kris. his feelings started to multiply and he couldn't help it. it's the alcohol's fault, kris thought. or maybe he was just in denial. he doesn't know it yet.

"i am. we were partying until the first busses were leaving ljubljana so everyone could get home safely."

"i'm glad. and i'm also glad that you're finding your way home now too." martin made a short pause he looked onto his phone and then straight into kris' eyes. "your bus is arriving in approximately 6 minutes. at least this is what the app says." he said this with a little grin on his face which made kris smile a lot. he smiled so much as if his crush would confess her love to him. something was for sure playing with kris' feelings at this point, he just needs to find out what.

"uhm.. thank you for looking that up. thanks martin." he couldn't resist but letting his little smile out. out of pure interest, he asks martin where he was heading so early. "ah i'm just going to pick something up in uni. one of my friends has borrowed a textbook from me and i need it back because i need to study for my exams." martin replied while he was occassionally checking his phone as if he was waiting for a certain message. kris was awkwardly standing next to him while he was waiting for the minutes to pass by so he could get onto his ride back home and go to sleep. he had been really tired. maybe these feelings towards martin were a hallucination caused by the unhealthy amount of alcohol kris has consumed in the past hours.

in his opinion, martin looked exceptionally handsome and put-together today considering the early hour and cold morning weather of their beloved home city. he was wearing a black coat and a black scarf that protected him from the cold. his blue sweater peaked through a little bit. he liked it when people looked well dressed. his hair looked like he stepped out of the hairdresser's just a few minutes ago. it was shining even with the only very limited light the morning sun of ljubljana offered that day.

he always thought martin was a good looking guy but never in the way he did now. he felt some feelings towards him. he couldn't describe where they came from, his guess was the alcohol from the party. but little did he know. kris began to stare at him for a little bit, but not too much, he didn't wanna make it too obvious. "ah alright, that's great, martin. good luck with your exams"

"thank you kris" he smiled at him and came even closer. from afar, kris could notice a bus approaching the station. it wasn't his. not even the bus martin is supposed to take. for his own surprise, martin threw his arm around kris' shoulder kinda pulling him even closer. kris had no idea what was going on but he didn't mind it because it's a usual thing he and his friends do.

"we all gotta study even if we don't like it, right kris?" "yeah, absolutely right" kris said it in a really awkward tone. he had no idea what to do now. his feelings were going crazy as if someone confessed their love to him while martin just put his arm around his shoulder.

his feelings were different now. they weren't as they usually had been. he felt kinda felt some deeper things for his friend that randomly occured on a friday morning in april. he started to feel warm and a bit nervous in martin's presence. he started to breath a bit faster bc of the rising nervosity. "how are your friends at uni doing? is their study going well?" he asked him while his brown eyes were looking directly into kris'. "they are doing great, their studies are going better than expected. master's degrees are no fun, you know that better than anyone" both of them were laughing a slight bit after kris said the last part of the sentence.

"look the 13 is coming!" martin shouted while pointing into the opposite direction to the bus that's approaching the station. kris was ready to leave forgetting that his friend has wrapped his arm around his shoulder. martin pat his shoulder and stroke through his hair for a short moment and kris' heart felt like it was about to explode. these small gestures made his feelings for his friend even more confused. "bye martin, see you!" martin let him go and waved goodbye at him with his typical heartwarming smile he always puts on. kris stepped onto the bus and after taking a seat, he noticed martin was outside of the bus waiting for it to leave and waving kris goodbye for a last time. he smiled and waved back at him.

kris was unsure about his feelings. he didn't have any ideas where they came from rather than the alcohol from the party last night, or at least the rest that has remained in his bloodstreams. maybe he was in love. maybe he wasn't. maybe it was the alcohol. he didn't know it yet. maybe he would find that out soon. the bus took off and he started to see his friend further away every second.

martin was one of his best friends for many years now, they had lots of great memories together and kris was scared that his new discovered feelings about him might destroy their friendship. he couldn't live without martin as a friend, he needs his caring personality in his life. he helped him with many problems. for now, kris urgently needed some sleep.

later that morning

sleep was necessary for kris. that party has drained him in a way he had never thought it would. he thought he was good in terms of coping with alcohol but apparently he wasn't the best. it showed this time. after he arrived at the door of the guštin home, he immediately opened the door quickly meeting his brother in the entrance hall.

"morning maks" he said with a quite voice. he wasn't even sure if his brother could comprehend his greet. "good morning kris, you lasted long at the party, wow" his brother jokingly answered while kris was throwing his jacket and scarf onto the hanger. "yeah I didn't expect it either ways. it was a good party tho" kris explained to his brother while he was closing the door. the next stop was the kitchen because he wanted a glass of water after the countless glasses and shots of alcoholic beverages.

he wanted to do his body a favour by drinking something healthy after all of this. maybe the glass of water will wash down any of the feelings for his friend he doesn't know how to cope with them. he poured himself an ice cold glass of water and he drank it all in one shot. maybe they are gone now. maybe it was just a thought of drunk kris. maybe they were there now. maybe he really felt something for his friend deep down. he didn't know it yet, but he'd find out soon. that glass of water was the most soothing thing kris had experienced this morning. it felt like the cleanse of his soul. he was now ready to go to sleep, he just needed to brush his teeth, otherwise he would feel disgusting if his teeth were not brushed before going to sleep. so he made his way over to the bathroom, he grabbed his tooth brush, poured the toothpaste over it and started brushing his teeth. he looked at himself in the mirror and thought "it's time to go to sleep, kris. you're tired." he actually was more than tired.

not much was missing for him to fall asleep in the bathroom of the guštin home. he somehow managed to drag himself over to his bedroom, where he simply fell onto his bed, not even having energy to change or take off his clothes. the only thing kris now wanted was to sleep, which succeeded. while he was trying to fall asleep, he thought about the things that have happened to him concerning martin. he couldn't find a way to explain it to himself. they have never been there, but why are they here now? kris was clueless. this little conversation with martin felt like a turning point for him, for some reason he felt different towards him. the feelings were less in a "close friend" way, more a "i'm in love" kinda way. he still blames it on the amount of alcohol he had consumed in the past day. they were probably caused by the endless drinks he had at the party. he didn't wanna think about it anymore, he just wanted to sleep. kris turned to the other side with his whole body and just like a miracle he fell asleep.

in the afternoon

"he is always sleeping in late"

"no wonders when he's been out till sunrise or even morning"

"but sleeping till 3pm is only a solution for our son because he doesn't work a normal job or go to university like most people his age do."

half asleep, half awake, rubbing his eyes and stretching, kris heard his parents arguing in front of the door of his room. again. it didn't happen often but sometimes the topics were either kris sleeping till the afternoon or maks playing video games and streaming late into the night. after his sleep, kris definitely felt like a different human being, like he had practically been reborn. he was ready to get up and trying to brush his hair out of his face with his fingers. after opening the door, he met his dad waiting for his brother to leave the bathroom.

"dobro jutro, kris" his dad said to him while he was impatiently waiting for maks to get out. he said the same thing to his father, avoiding any eye contact. his voice was still quiet from being overused at the party. after his brother got out, his dad got into the bathroom and started to brush his teeth. "well, who's the one to complain now?" kris thought. he walked into the living room where his mom and his sister were sitting on the couch while they were watching the midday news on the slovenian channel. "morning" he said to his mom who was drinking some tea. "good morning kris, I hope you slept well." he definitely did, which he then proceeded to tell her. his sister was busy with her phone, he guessed that she was texting someone of her friends since they had an upcoming birthday party.

his mom made chicken as lunch, from which kris wanted to grab a bite of. she noticed that he was searching for it, so she told it that she put it into one of the kitchen cabinets. "thank you" he said in a kind but still really tired voice. it still felt like he wasn't properly alive. he sat down and started cutting the chicken.

while he was eating, his mom interrupted him: "kris, could you do me a favour?"

he looked up from the plate and turned his eyes towards his mom. "sure, what is it?"

"can you please pick up some eggs, butter and milk at lidl? I need them for the birthday party of maja's friend tomorrow."

picking up groceries at their local lidl? sure. not a big deal for kris. at least he thought so at the beginning. "of course, mom. do you need anything more?" she stired her tea. "no, just these two things. thank you so much"

"no problem."

a few minutes later

kris took his wallet and keys with him from his room and put on his jacket, scarf and shoes. he now was ready to leave the house to get milk, eggs and butter for a birthday cake. he put a little note into the pocket of his jacket with the three groceries he needed to buy, so he'd not forget something.

kris stepped out of the door, locked it and started heading towards the local lidl, which is perfectly accessible via foot since it was only three minutes away from his home. the cold wind that has already hit him in the morning, sweeped through his hair again, causing a completely messy hairstyle. the cold wind brought him memories from that morning and the short talk with martin. oh how much he hopes not to accidentally run into martin at lidl because this is the last thing he wants to experience now. he hadn't thought about this in the past hour but he guessed, the feelings are still there.

kris was a bit embarrassed and too ashamed to meet martin now. but that wasn't a likely thing to happen. martin probably was at university or was studying for his exams now. at least this was what kris was hoping for. he wanted to ban martin from his thoughts now, fearing they'd get too messy. it succeeded. for now.

while walking down the road from that lead from his house to the grocery store, he saw one of his neighbors walking their dog. they greeted eachother and everyone made their own way. he used the entire walk to fight against the wind, constantly putting his hair out of his face.

after that, he shortly arrived at the lidl and kris walked in into the grocery store.

butter, eggs and milk. just three things. it was unlikely for him to meet martin here. kris walked through the alley of bread and sweets heading over to the counter of dairy products. he tried to take his little note out of his pocket, completely ignoring the people around him as he was too busy to get his note out in the fear he'd forget something.

not looking at the people around you was a mistake made by him, suddenly he bumped into someone. he didn't see who that was at first but after he let out an angry "excuse me?" he knew exactly who this had been and it was the person he didn't wanna meet today. kris and the person turned into the same direction, looking each other into the eyes. martin jurkovič.

"goddammit" thought kris. not him again. "oh hi martin, I am so sorry" kris apologized with a slightly shaky voice. "hey kris, it's okay, that happens. what are you searching for?" he asked his friend in his typical friendly voice kris loved so much. he was kinda nervous, but why? he really shouldn't think too much about it. "milk, eggs and butter. i need to get it for my mom because she wants to make a cake for maja's friend's birthday party" he said being a little bit nervous and while he was looking and secretly admiring his looks. not even the wind has destroyed martin's hair from looking good and well put together.

kris kinda wanted to avoid eye contact with him so he decided to look down at the floor, but he also didn't wanna be awkward for not looking at martin while they were talking to eachother. "great, i have to get groceries because bojan forgot to do so. or better said: he didn't want to. typical bojan." he noticed that martin was being a bit sarcastic about this sentence. typical bojan. he only ever said that when he's being sarcastic. "yes, yes, typical bojan. too occupied to go groceries shopping." kris answered, while he was trying to imitate martin's undertone, which he didn't manage that successfully. martin was grabbing the same milk kris wants to get and also some cheese, but kris wanted to wait until he's gone so he can concentrate on his little shopping adventure.

"what a coincidence to see you here today" said martin, while he was putting some packaged ham into his shopping cart. kris decided to look at him again with confidence and answered: "yes. what a coincidence." "as if this is what i wanted now. as if he's the person i wanted to meet today." he thought anxiously. martin looked at him kinda judgy because he wasn't putting anything into his shopping bag. "what are you waiting for kris? do you need to get to some products?" martin said while looking at him a bit judgingly. kris had no idea on what to say now, he couldn't say "no i am waiting until you left because i can't handle being in your presence, otherwise my mind would go crazy". instead he looked around a bit confused and answered with something that randomly entered his mind "oh no i just forgot to put them into my bag haha. i have been deciding for the past few minutes on what type of milk, butter and eggs to get." kris felt that he's starting to turn red, which wasn't nessacarily a good sign. martin was kinda confused now and he answered "oh okay, uhm.. i guess i have everything. see you, kris. goodbye" he pat him on his shoulder and went the opposite direction."bye martin. tell bojan hi from me." "i will" martin said without looking back at him.

"oh shit" kris thought while putting the milk into his black shopping back he got on his first day of university. goddammit, did he notice that something was off? "well, kris, you're stupid" he said to himself angrily. he was so stupid for acting like an idiot rather than a normal friend. he probably noticed that something was off. hopefully not, kris thought. stepping a few steps aside to the next aisle with the other dairy and animal products, he grabbed the butter and the eggs and went to the cashier as if nothing has happened.

after arriving at the cashier, martin was in front of him unloading the shopping cart onto the cashier. kris wanted to be quiet and he acted as if nothing has happened and he hoped, that martin doesn't notice him. while putting his three items onto the cashier martin accidentely turned around. "i didn't think of seeing you again this soon" "yeah me neither" kris said while he was laughing sarcastically a little bit. martin only smiled at him for a short bit and then he turned aroundbagain because it was his turn to check out. "hopefully he didn't notice anything weird" thought kris while he was staring at his friend handing over the money to the cashier. not a lot was going on in kris' mind, it was just him focusing on whatever martin was doing. after he put everything into his cart again, kris waved at him for a last time today (hopefully) and he proceeded to wave back at him. "bye martin" "bye, kris, see you".

kris watched martin keave the grocery store and in that moment, it was his turn to checkout. "5.21 please." the lady said while kris was handing over the 10 euro bill he got from his mom. "that's 4.79 in return" "hvala" kris said and put the things into the bag and left the store.

"why did we meet again and who let me act like an actual idiot there." thought kris while he was heading outside, already being greeted by the strong wind and he headed back home.

a few days later

"that was a great practice as usual, hvala" shouted bojan while he was putting his guitar away.

"absolutely" answered jure while he was trying to get a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket's pocket. all of them were ready to leave, except for kris. he decided to stay a bit to practice on his own. "bye kris" said nace and jan simultaneously and bojan waved at him, jure was already heading back outside. "bye guys, it was nice today!" shouted kris hoping the others would hear him.

he smiled as his friends made their way out of their rehearsal space. now it was just kris and his guitar. he decided to plug it in again and started to play random chords. after a while he began playing their songs. it felt like free therapy. just him and his guitar. for now. his mind shut down, he only thought about playing the guitar right now. all other thoughts were banned from his head. no martin. no feelings, just music. this was what he liked most. this is what he needs from time to time, simply to calm down.

the first song kris decided to play was plastika. it felt like as if he was on stage playing in front of thousands of enthusiastic joker out fans. his free therapy succeeded.

then he moved on to omamljeno telo and dopamin. he hadn't played the extended intro of omamljeno telo in a while, which meant it was time to reactivate it again. "ta pesem mi da občutek kot da letim". this sentence is always stuck in his mind, which a fan told him back in murska sobota last summer. kris wanted to fly now, to make any unreasonable thoughts drift away. his way of flying was simply playing the guitar, he decided to play the song twice. it was pure stress relief for the already quite stressed young man.

from flying and touching the clouds and the stars, he moved on to a song that was written by him. it's all about love and being addicted to it: dopamin. since it was his song, he decided to sing alongside while playing. he tried to not pay attention to the lyrics and their meaning. "to me, you're pure dopamin. to me, i want you even more. when you hit me with your gentle touch, the night turns into a glowing mosiac." martin. he tried as hard as he can not to think about him while playing. however, dopamin wasn't the right song to avoid thinking these thoughts. "life from day to day is an endless flow of lucid dreams about you." he couldn't see anything else rather than martin in these lyrics. it now felt like this song has been unintentionally written about him. after finishing playing this song, he put his guitar away. there's no space in his mind for guitar playing right now, since it has been occupied by his dearest friend martin jurkovič. they are still there. it confuses him. he has never felt that way towards any of his friends before. he had known martin for many years now, but never did kris think about having a crush on his friend.

the last two times they spoke were pure emotional chaos for kris: he couldn't look him in the eyes, otherwise he'd turn red. avoiding eye contact would make martin think he's acting weird. kris needed to find a way to make it through and didn't let something to be noticed. in his eyes, martin was not only a great friend and a smart guy, but also incredibly good looking. kris won't forget the sight in the early hours after getting home from a party, seeing him already being so well put together even due to the strong wind. his sense of humour and the way he cared about his friends, the thought of it made kris go straight to heaven. now he can't deny it anymore, he fell in love with martin. the feelings weren't only caused by the alcohol, the drinks just have awaken them in him. he leaned back onto the couch, throwing his arms onto the rest.

he in- and exhaled deeply, trying to relax, as suddenly the door opened. someone stepped into the rehearsal space, kris jumped up to see who came into the room. he couldn't believe his eyes as he saw a tall brown haired guy with a middle part and a beard enter the little room.

his eyes began to widen as martin shouted "hey kris! why are you still here?", he was approaching him and sat beside him onto the couch for a short moment, before he stood up to walk to the cabinets in the room. now kris needed to figure out how he'd deal with the situation now. either no or full on eye contact. quickly, he chose option two. "hey martin, long time no see haha. i decided to stay a bit longer to practice my own solos a bit. therapeutic activity, you know?" kris said while being slightly nervous in martin's presence.

"what brings you here?" he asked, while martin was searching for something in one of their drawers. he answered kris' question while he was pulling out a black leather notebook out of a drawer in one of their cabinets: "bojan forgot his lyrics journal and since i am always passing the space when i'm on the way to university, he told me to stop by and get it for him. he's got a great idea for a new song, he told me ealier this day." "good to have a rehearsal space that is quite central." kris said and he noticed that martin was approaching him to sit down next to kris. he shouldn't feel anything out of the ordinary, but he did. he could sense that his face was starting to turn red. after sitting down, martin stretched his arms und laid them onto the rest of the couch, so that one was directly behind kris' neck. it even touched his arm a little bit but kris tried to ignore it. in his dreams, martin would have hugged him tight and kris might even got to kiss him eventhough he knows that would never happen in real life. "I'm excited to see what Bojan comes up with" he said quietly while struggling to keep his mind clear and not reveal any of his feelings to him.

"me too" responded martin. kris thought he didn't notice anything, which was good. one wonder he was wondering about was, when martin would be leaving. he had no problem with him being there, the problem just was that kris feared, that he'd notice something was off. kris tried to think that it was just martin sitting next to him, nothing more, nothing less, no other thoughts. well, this didn't work the way it all was supposed to.

"after not being on stage with you all anymore, I forgot how comfortable this couch is. I feel like I could keep sitting there forever." martin told him while he was relaxing. kris anxiously looked fast from left to right a few times before answering his friend: "yeah, you have really forgotten about it, it shows haha. i really miss you performing with us on stage." he thought, it was a good idea to start talking about something emotional to hide his feelings and he tried to cover them up with silly little laughs, hoping martin won't notice anything. he turned towards kris and answered: "yeah, I miss it too, but you know why I left." now he was looking into kris' eyes, there was no way of kris leaving this situation now and martin would most likely notice something.

"I do, I really, really do, but I just miss you so incredibly much." he started to feel that some tears were coming down his face, but he didn't wanna cry. he didn't wanna show any emotion right now. "I miss y'all and performing as well, but it was the right decision for me to leave the band. you remember that it wasn't easy for me either. don't cry, please, kris. don't cry, everything's fine."

"I'm not crying" kris said, while he felt a little tear streaming down his face. martin noticed it and wiped away his tear. kris was not doing good right now, he felt how his face was turning red, that was not a good sign. martin looked at him and asked whether everything was fine. "no nothing's fine. this little move of you made me go completely crazy and I don't even know how to hide my feelings anymore" thought kris while he answered: "yes, thank you, martin. I'm good now." after looking at him for a little bit, martin decided to give kris the tightest hug he could imagine. it felt like a safe place for him and he wished to never let go, though it made his heart beat even faster. "it's not that i am gone forever, kris." martin whispered to him. "i know" he told him.

kris felt like crying but he couldn't, he had to hold it back, otherwise martin could guess something. after a few moments, he released his friend from his hug and looked at him. their eyes met but kris couldn't stand the eye contact for more than a few seconds, which led to him looking away. he decided to focus on the huge bookshelf they had in their rehearsal space, while martin was still looking at him. "kris, are you okay? is everything good?" martin asked him with a worried voice. "hopefully he didn't notice that something's off" thought kris to himself after hearing what martin said. "yes, martin, yes, I'm good. everything's good. don't worry, please." he looked at him for a little bit till he looks at the bookshelf again. his voice was a mixture of sounding a bit shaky and nervous.

"I don't believe you. you don't sound like everything is fine." replied martin judgingly. now kris was a bit scared. was martin going to find out? "but... but, martin.. I am fine.. like really." he said while turning his eyes from the bookshelf to the face of his friend.

"don't lie to me, kris. I can tell something's wrong."

"no, I promise you, I am good." he put his hand onto kris' shoulder and told him: "you know, you can tell me everything."

kris started to breathe a little bit heavier and said: "I.. I know.. it's just that I miss you with us on stage." he tried to hold back his tears and it somehow worked, at least for now. martin looked down for a second and then proceeded to tell kris: "I know that.. and I miss you all too. don't you think I miss performing too? I miss it more than anything but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices. but kris, remember, I am always here for you as a friend and for everyone else in the band. it's not that I am dead." I am always here for you as a friend. kris had no idea how to deal with this sentence. he was glad that martin would be always there for him, and he also knew that even if he found out, they would never be more than friends. that was what confused him. he actually wanted to cry now so that martin would give him a tight hug again, but he knew he couldn't. "I know, thank you." whispered kris quietly and they hugged again for a little bit. kris felt safe and he was glad martin didn't notice anything.

approximately one month later

it's been a month since kris had his little breakdown in front of martin. he had promised him to not tell anyone about it because kris kinda felt a bit ashamed for emotionally breaking down in front of his friend. he had lots of things going on this month, mainly eurovision, so there was no time to destroy his thoughts because of him. liverpool was a Rollercoaster of emotions for him and the entire band. they have arrived back home in ljubljana around one and a half weeks ago.

today was supposed to be a stressful day: joker out planned a meet and greet for fans in a bar in ljubljana and kris was one of the main organizers, so he had to arrive quite early. around 3pm, there was no one expect him and some of the people that worked at the bar.

"živjo!" kris shouted to the workers while entering the building. "živjo, kris!" a woman with long black hair greeted him back, after a few minutes, kris noticed that she was one of his former classmates, so he decided to chat with her for a bit. it turned out that she was part time working in this bar alongside medical school. they haven't seen eachother in many years, so he enjoyed talking to his former classmate for a bit, especially before the others were arriving.

but after that, he needed to go back to prepare everything for the fan meet and greet tonight. they haven't done a proper m&g in ages, so it felt like they were time traveling back to cvetličarna in 2021. he enjoyed talking to fans from time to time, though he wasn't as dedicated as bojan when it comes to meeting fans. kris is more a reserved type while bojan is outgoing and talkative, even with strangers.

while helping the employees to set up everything, kris thought about martin. he hadn't lost any thought to him in the past weeks because he was too stressed, but the thoughts are coming back. his feelings won't die in the near future, he was sure about that. "martin won't be there tonight, so no need to stress myself" he thought to himself while he was putting some joker out flyers onto the round tables. the others would arrive in 2 or 3 hours, until that, kris had time to think about his friend.

a while later

"it all looks really good" said bojan while inspecting the little flyers that were scattered all over the desks.

"carpe diem" was written all over it.

"I love these flyers! probs to whoever made them!" agreed nace with the happiest voice someone could imagine.

"good job, girls, guys and kris" responded bojan while jokingly mocking kris a bit for mentioning him on his own. he found that joke actually quite funny, so he laughed a little bit.

"kris, kris, kris!" he heard someone was shouting his name, so he turned around and saw jure running towards him. "hey jure, what's going on?" kris asked him, being slightly confused about jure's euphoric enthusiasm. "did you... did you know, we'll have a special guest tonight?" special guest. that sounded either really good or really bad, depends on who the special guest was. "nope, I didn't. who is it?" "can't tell you right now, you'll see. I know you're gonna be really happy." said jure while slightly jumping in his place, he was just like an hyperactive child at the age of 27. that's just jure. if jure said he'd be happy, kris decides to believe him.

it's been 8pm now, the starting time of the fan meet and greet. kris could already see lots of fans, mainly girls, queueing to get pictures and talk to the jokers. "the more often I look out, the more people I see waiting for us. dude, I feel like we're in the cvetka again." stated bojan, who just stood next to kris. "yeah, that's crazy, you're right. I am not even used to it anymore." answered kris.

now, the five members of the band decided to go out and all the fans were cheering and screaming. they felt like celebrities. it was a feeling that couldn't be replaced by anything else. all of the spotlights were on them and the fans were cheering as much and as loud as they could. "dober večer!" screamed bojan and the fans immediately responded with an even louder scream. they decided to play 5 songs tonight, two from their first and second album and their eurovision hit carpe diem. a fortune wheel chose their other four songs which had been metulji, dopamin, vse kar vem and katrina. dopamin. what a perfect song to play now, well.. at least martin wasn't here. the band started to play their songs and the audience was going crazy. kris could notice them having a lot of fun as usual.

after they finished carpe diem, bojan said: "you might think this was our last song, but I can assure you, there will be one more performance from us." kris was a bit shocked because he didn't know that they would be performing another song. bojan continued: "we haven't played this one in a while, and to be exact, it's not even an original joker out song. let's sing about starry skies and shooting stars." starry skies and shooting stars? there is only one song that would come to kris' mind: mogoče. but how would they be playing it if nace doesn't know the chords? he knew it. "and for that, let's welcome a special guest, applause for the one and only martin jurkovič!"

the audience was now screaming even louder than before as martin came onto the stage hugging jan and bojan at first, then jure and after that he walked over to kris. if you would've looked closely at him, you could tell his facial expression was shocked. now martin is here today as well and performing a song with them. kris was going insane internally. martin decided to hug him tightly as well, it wasn't as tight as the comfort hug he gave him in the rehearsal space. his heart was still about to explode. martin's touch made him go crazy. he had no idea how to deal with it that people and especially martin won't notice it. for this song, nace went backstage. he had no idea that they would be performing mogoče tonight. "that's why bojan wanted to practice this song, without bass the entire time." he thought to himself. "gremo fantje!" bojan shouted and the five started started to play. kris hadn't played this song in almost a year. the only thing that now helped, was concentrating on the chords and the audience, and not to focus on martin. "mi smo joker out in radi vas mamo" this is how they ended their concert.

martin gave everyone including nace a hug and as it was kris' turn, he whispered to him: "i'm glad to see you again, are you better today?" this short hug made kris definitely feel things, especially feeling martin's hands on his back. "yes" he said quietly and he let go and proceeded to go off-stage. it had been a short concert but it felt so good for kris to play in front of an audience full of joker out fans again after only playing only one song in liverpool all of the time.

"kris!" "kris! can i get a picture?" "come here, kris!!" "kris come to me please! i need a picture with you!" "can you give me your guitar pick?" this was what kris was hearing all of the time. this was gonna be a bit stressful, but that was his job. "yes sure! one by one!" he shouted the loudest he could and the fans started to somewhat line up to talk to him and to take pictures.

approximately two hours later

all the members were having a beer in the bar, relaxing after the meet and greet with the euphoric fans. they were laughing and had the best time. kris was talking to nace and jan while bojan and martin were chatting about something kris couldn't hear, probably about something related to their apartment since they lived together.

"mogoče sounded amazing live!" admitted nace. "I hope you weren't mad for not playing this song with us" said jan, joking a little bit. "no, I surely wasn't. you guys were amazing" replied nace to jan's sentence. "it was a strange feeling to play mogoče after such a long time live again." said kris, while taking a sip from his beer. "absolutely" agreed jan. during this conversation kris always looked awkwardly in martin' direction but hoping he and jan and nace won't notice him. kris wanted to secretly admire martin in his head, since he couldn't get the comfort hug from over a month ago out of his brain. he was constantly thinking about it. the way martin had been so sweet with him after kris had a emotional breakdown almost revealing his feelings to his friend.

"I actually didn't know bojan was planning this" jan said and kris agreed with him. bojan hadn't told anyone, but jure, about bringing martin on stage. one part of kris didn't complain, because he liked to admire him and the other part wanted to avoid him at all costs. what a conflict he carried within him.

"it was a surprise but a goo-" someone tapped onto his shoulder while he was talking and interrupted him. he turned around and saw martin. "oh hi, martin! what are yo-" "I need to talk to you, kris. nace, jan, can you give a minute with him?" he interrupted kris asking. "yeah sure" jan said and kept on talking with nace. kris felt a bit weird because why would martin wanna talk to him? his biggest fear was if he noticed something.

they both went to some corner in the bar together to able to talk quietly with eachother. they were standing next to eachother and kris decided to place his empty beer cup on the table. he was kinda nervous to be alone with him again. his feelings were already going crazy when martin's dark eyes just took a look at kris. "what do you wanna talk about, martin?" kris asked him. he was taking a sip from his cup and then placed it next to kris' empty one. "about the rehearsal space." shit. he thought to himself, he might have noticed it. "yeah, uhm.. sure." kris slowly answered. "I simply wanted to check on you, whether you're doing okay. it was hard for me to see you this down and all that because of me." "thank god he didn't notice anything" kris thought. but he had been a bit anxious now because he now had to talk about his feelings with martin. "yes, thank you. I am doing better now. I think I might've had a bad day because I had this breakdown. I am sorry, martin."

he reached out to kris by putting his hand onto kris' shoulder, which made kris kinda shake. he couldn't take his touch and acting completely normal. maybe it's time to reveal it. "no need to be sorry, kris. we all have bad days sometimes. but kris, why are you shaking? are you really all good? should I get you something to drink?" he was so caring, that's what kris loved about him. "yes, martin, i am. I wouldn't lie to you." he became quite nervous knowing he had martin's hand touching him on his shoulder. at the same time it felt good. kris felt some kind of safety. "hmm.. strange. I haven't seen someone shaking and claiming they are feeling well. are you sure you're good?" "yes, martin, I am 100% sure." "I can't believe you" martin replied and he sounded a judging. "no martin, I'm not good, I am in love with you and I just wish that you'd feel the same about me." this is what kris wanted to say. he wanted to confess his love. he didn't wanna lie to him. looking into his beautiful dark brown eyes was a challenge for him.

"kris, please explain to me, what is going on? I need to know it now, please. we're friends, you can tell me everything." he could tell him everything. everything, even his feelings for him, but he won't. at least for now. martin put his hand away from kris' shoulder. what a relief. "everything?" kris looked at him. "yes, kris. everything. even that you're in love with me." goddammit. he must've noticed something was off.

kris began feeling a bit insecure and he began to shake again.

"it's that... it's all about... you, martin. I have been having feelings for you lately." martin looked kinda shocked at him but then put his hand on kris' shoulder again. he couldn't look him in the eyes, he was too embarrassed to have revealed it to him. martin stared at kris' empty cup. they weren't looking at eachother for a moment until martin said: "well, kris, to be honest with you.." kris hoped for him saying "I have been feeling the same for you" but he knew it wouldn't happen. "I suspected it. I remembered a girl in my high school acting pretty much the same as you did when i was around." he wasn't expecting this answer from him. was he really that obvious? he guessed he had been. "you weren't very secretive about it. the way you acted lately around me made me guess it."

it's been out now. kris was happy that he told him about it but also a bit scared of his reaction. he just knew, martin would never feel the same. "yes, uhm.. so I guess it's out now haha" said kris while laughing a bit sarcastic. martin came a bit closer to kris and started to put his on his back and asked him: "and this is what makes you go insane?" "yes... yes, martin." he stroke kris' back and then decided to put his hand onto his shoulder again.

"is this what heaven actually feels like? definitely. this is my heaven, I rise above when he's near me." kris thought to himself. "good to know then. kris I have to tell you that I am totally fine with you feeling that way about me and it's not that I don't like the idea." kris' heart was beating even faster now, is something going to happen? this was the only thing he wished for right now. martin doesn't dislike the idea. his mind is going crazy.

kris was not sure how to deal with it anymore. he just wanted one thing now. suddenly martin pulled him closer and kissed him. kris had no idea what was going on right now. it happened. the thing he wanted to happen. he felt like he's flying, just as if he's playing omamljeno telo on his guitar. he just let it happen.

"martin, kris, can u plea-" bojan shouted and he was interrupted when he saw them. both of them released eachother and jumped back. they were looking bojan straight in the eyes. not only martin knows about it, but also bojan. "shit" thought kris.

THE END.

thank you sm for reading my story and i hope you liked it! :)

#joker out #kris gustin #kris guštin #martin jurkovič #martin jurkovic #joker out fanfiction #joker out fanfic

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nathanielbuildsatesseract · 1 month ago

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It's that time again, and I don't know what to say.

I'm here because I'm here. As I wrote last time, it's clear that I'm on Tumblr to stay, even if I abandon other social media sites. I took a sorta hiatus from Xitter this last week, because I had my first meatspace social engagement in months and because I'd just gotten into a fight with one of the only people I actually interact with over there, and I really don't feel like I'm missing anything. I really might quit using it this year, but Tumblr is a different story.

But I don't know what to write about, even so.

When I wrote the last milestone, my dad had just crested the peak of his post-stroke health, and still doing well enough that I thought he might actually beat the cancer. It killed him, not two months later. Did I ever explicitly talk about that on here? I don't recall. I did, back on Xitter. I took a week off the site after that happened, too.

Then Mom got sick, right before the family reunion in May, and ended up in the hospital three separate times. She's still not well, now on second- and third-order consequences of the original thing. So I came back to Kansas City, and I've been here all summer, again.

All told, the last 18 months or so I've simply felt like I have no real control over my life. Using the singular feels wrong; I have two lives, the good one back home and the bad one here, and basically no control over which one I'll be living at any given time. Everything hinges upon the biology of another human being, both cases one which I have only the most limited power to influence to take the actions that maximize future utility for either of us.

It's soul-crushing precisely because it's nothing new. I consider my 20s a lost decade because almost all of it was spent on dealing with my family's irrationalities and incapacities, instead of building the career which they spent so many years encouraging me to pursue. The pandemic didn't help and inviting a literal Randian parasite into the house towards end definitely didn't help. Since this latest round kicked off right before my birthday, my 30s aren't exactly off to a great start, either.

The nine months or so between taking my current job and Dad's stroke were, in retrospect, probably the best of my adult life. I thought the bullshit was behind me, and we'd finally get to have the sort of relationship I always wanted with my parents, and which I figured they wanted with me. We never got to experience that. Everything reverted to the mean and now I just feel hopeless. Will I get to live while either of them still does? With every miserable month that passes it seems less and less likely.

Compare the 27,000 post to this one. So full of optimism by comparison. (Don't believe what anyone says: I'm an insufferable optimist by nature. I expect things to go right the first time. Then they don't. Expecting the worst is a strategy that leaves me less disappointed when the actual results are significantly worse than whatever I imagined the minimum could possibly be.) Not even two years ago, and despite recognizing my own hand it almost feels like a different person must have written it. As I keep having to tell people, when I took this job I had two healthy parents. Now I can barely contribute to my team, because I'm just...exhausted. There's nothing left in the tank.

Maybe it gets better. That's happened before. But it's never stayed better remotely long enough for me to recover. The tank is dry and there's no reason to expect it'll get to refill. Outside view is great and all, but after so much pointless pain I can't make myself believe it, not where it counts.

If that day does ever come, maybe then I'll finally leave Tumblr like I almost managed in late '22 and early '23. Until then, I'll be here, sharing my small scraps of sanity with this insane world. It's not like there's anything else to do while I'm waiting.

#milestone post #29000th post #posting this one late at night because i stayed up too late (one of many ways i haven't felt remotely in control) and so fewer people see i

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clonerightsagenda · 1 year ago

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i would love to hear anything more about communications director minkowski that you would care to share, it sounds like a very fun route for postcanon! 👀

It IS very fun. In lieu of writing a coherent post I just spent quite a bit of time scrolling through 3 years of discord messages for good tidbits:

Gill spent part of my day wondering “you know you’d expect Lovelace to have some Loud And Pointed Opinions about Minkowski being offered the post of Communications Director but maybe instead she’d be the first to figure out there’s no better way to dismantle the company than from the inside out” Kat If you want a job done wrong you gotta do it yourself Gill Minkowski: They… want me to be the next director… and I think I’m going to take the job. Lovelace: …actually. That sounds like an amazing idea. Minkowski: Minkowski: who are you and what have you done with Captain Lovelace Kat Careful Renee. That joke has a bit of an edge to it Gill Nobody’s getting out of post-flight quarantine without an identity crisis of some kind it seems Kate I bet Lovelace would jump at the chance to have a woman on the inside… who has a lot of practice ruining Goddard's plans. Gill Lovelace, probably: You’re gonna need your own version of Cutter’s hypercompetent Right Hand Minion, and it seems to me that the person who kept him distracted while you put a harpoon through his torso would be the ideal candidate. Lovelace: Also, it’d be fun to deface Kepler’s old office.

Kat was thinking about Minkowski marriage drama in the context of her voluntarily signing on to be comms director under the same contract as the last one fully aware this means everyone will try to kill her just in case she can keep everyone else safe and then having to explain that to her husband tfw your wife never prioritizes you bc she's too busy prioritizing a) dying in space b) dying on land now Gill Dominik Koudelka, maybe: it just feels like I have to get myself kidnapped by shadowy corporate goons if I want to spend time with you!

Kate Communications Director Minkowski 1) definitely publishes her own adapted fifth edition of the Survival Manual that’s not a joke and full of useful things and 2) mostly inspired by things Eiffel did that his justification was “well no one ever TOLD me this would happen in space!” Gill “Leprechauns are not real. Ghosts, however, are.” “In the unlikely but theoretically possible event that leprechauns are discovered at some point in the near future, disregard previous. It’s important to keep an open mind.” Kate Adaptability! Flexibility! Priorities! Acknowledgement that space is full of unpredictable and incomprehensible bullshit! The spirit of the new space age Gill Tip #1002: You may say “fuck”. Once.

Kat thought: re Goddard possibly having prison labor going on, maybe when they got Eiffel out of jail they just transferred his sentence to them, and Comms Director Minkowski finds out she technically owns two of her crewmates now and isn't super happy about it Eiffel: so for the next 23 years my ass is yours I guess Minkowski: I don't want it Minkowski, sifting through paperwork: why… why do I own prison laborers now? Can I pardon them? What is this news anchor voice: Goddard Futuristics stocks dipped today as new director Renee Minkowski gave the entirety of their asteroid mining staff early release, quoted as saying "Go home. The fuck." Gill Comms Director Minkowski like ok first off we’re actually giving our workers benefits Kat we'll reroute some of the money headed toward all the R&D for evil shit Gill we’re also defunding our paramilitary branches. Why do we even have those?? Kat Jacobi, raising hand: To do stuff like break into Elon Musk's Mars colony and take him out with extreme prejudice Lovelace: ok that one sounds justified actually Gill Lovelace: Can I go fuck up Elon Musk’s stupid libertarian summer camp? Minkowski: Later, I need you here right now. Lovelace: Aw, ok. ): Kate Okay project Fuck Up Elon Musk can stay

Kat underappreciated aspect of the comms director Minkowski concept: DC girl Minkowski finds out she now owns like 75% of the politicians on Capitol Hill. Is not sure how to stop owning them It's like feeding wild animals, they keep coming back for your money even when you try to cut off the lobbying Gill Minkowski: next time a senator shows up at my house I’m siccing Lovelace on them Kat Minkowski: Cutter had an entire budget line for funding ballot initiatives and…. wow, that's a lot. Hey Doug, what are your thoughts on felons being able to vote? Eiffel: Felons can't vote? Minkowski: …. yes?? Eiffel: Oh. Huh. I don't ever vote so I didn't notice. And I see from your expression that you don't approve of this.

Gill Comms Director!Minkowski: If you need me, I’ll be in a meeting. /crawls into the vents Kat Local unions still talk about the super weird HVAC remodeling the new director insisted on

Gill You are an astronautical engineer at Goddard Futuristics’ special projects division. You were handpicked by the special projects manager herself to work on this new prototype. The craft you and your colleagues poured untold hours of work into is commandeered by Warren Kepler, Legendary Local Douchebag, and two of his minions (an entire ship! For three people!!) to go off and babysit one of your boss’s boss’s ultra-secret pet projects, which you quietly believe is actually an elaborate fraud scheme of some kind. You rage at this. Then, you mourn. Perhaps you drink heavily. Either way, you move on, setting aside your quiet hope that the Urania one day re-enters terrestrial skies, but gradually making peace with the idea you may never see this particular fruit of your labor again. And then a year and a half later you get it back and the interior is just plastered in printer paper that looks like a brigade of toddlers just went nuts on it with their crayons. And also your boss is dead and the apparent leader of said toddlers is the new communications director. Kat Hey at least the astronautical engineering division can feel vindicated that that shuttle a few years back didn't malfunction Gill Engineer: So that shuttle didn’t malfunction and Cutter was actively orchestrating a fake explosion and cover-up. Then he sent Warren “Oh just let me fire off this prototype in a civilian area” Kepler and his goon squad up in our prototype to go fuck around with you guys some more. Minkowski: Yup. Engineer: And you killed him. Minkowski: …yes. Engineer: …did you kill him painfully? Tell me it was painfully. (Minkowski is mildly worried about how she acquires some of her new supporters) Kat Lots of long simmering resentment Kate I imagine she gets a lot of goodwill points for taking out Cutter and Kepler… imagine

Kat comms director Minkowski having to do tax fraud to protect her team somehow Gill Jacobi, having just another day in the office, doing taxes: god this is so dull, I hate tax season. I wonder if Minkowski’s gone and holed up in the accounting department, she probably lives for this kind of thing. /smash cut to Minkowski threatening an IRS agent at harpoon-point Kat Minkowski making Hera her own LLC so she has rights now: This is legal according to Citizens United as long as no one looks at it too closely (my dad became an LLC today so he can contract with his work after he retires. I joked he will be the last person able to vote in the household once they take everyone else's rights away but corporations are people) Gill “Minkowski Commits Tax Fraud” would be an amazing chapter title for a fic at some point though Kat Minkowski early in the mission diligently doing her taxes in space because she's a good American citizen Minkowski like 5 years later: fuck capitalism Gill That one meme image but it’s, Minkowski: You mean the game was rigged all along? Minkowski @ herself: always has been. Kate This is my strongest Minkowski belief Gill Minkowski: wow, capitalism sucks, and growing up in a Soviet satellite state was also awful. Perhaps… the true problem… is giving people the power to wholly dictate other people’s lives…

Kat after the story of the Hephaestus crew breaks and they're famous Eiffel gets Minkowski a funko pop of herself it has a little harpoon Kinsey i support this wholeheartedly Gill It is both unsettling and adorable. She sets it proudly on her desk at work Kat someone coming into Comms Director Minkowski's office: uhhhhh Minkowski sitting next to her funko pop: what it's got the same psychic damage potential as Cutter having a #1 dad mug on his desk and everyone's too scared to ask about it Gill Concept: Minkowski eventually being gifted the Funko Pop versions of her entire crew They’re referred to affectionately(?) as her minions Kate If you’ve been called to her office because you’ve done something Sketchy and Capitalistic, you might even prefer looking into the creepy flat soulless eyes of the funko pop rather than Minkowski’s very, very sharp and angry human ones Gill Another mental image. Lovelace, beholding her funko pop: I mean, I don’t think my eyes are that terrifying even when I’m possessed by unknown cosmic entities, but other than that, it’s a perfect likeness. Lovelace: Look, she even has her arms folded because she’s mad at the other little plastic crewmates for being idiots. I love her.

#tales from the groupchat #wolf 359

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