greeneyedsigma

[greeneyedsigma]

I’ve only got 2 more achievements to earn for Skyrim:

Vampire Mastered - Aquire 11 Vampire Perks

Only reason I haven’t gotten it yet is that being a vampire sucks (ha!), took me ages to finally do the werewolf one...and I’ll definitely have to do it with a fresh character I don’t care about.

And the other is

Legend - Defeat a Legendary Dragon

I’m working on it 🫠, legendary dragons only spawn after level 70. Levelling up after 50 is...excruciatingly slow, so it’s been a long process. I’m nearly there though; my sexy Lizard boy, Maxar, is currently level 68. So close

[greeneyedsigma]

Wrote this blurb a while ago; but it’ll be a while before I get to do anything with it

Summary: After Enel fucks off for the moon in the Maxim, his Vassals are left adrift. Shura takes the opportunity to leave the White-White Sea astride her rok, Fuza. She intends to explore the Blue Sea but is captured by slavers instead and hand-delivered to Charlotte “Big Mom” Linlin’s greedy grasp thanks to a deal she made with the mysterious Joker.

She really doesn’t intend to fall in love with Charlotte Cracker. Joining the Charlotte family as a bride is a far better fate than joining the pages of Big Mom’s collection.

Shura makes eye contact with Monkey D Luffy, ignoring her husband's pathetic whining. Cracker was horrible when he was hurt. Whined far more than their toddler ever did. It never failed to drive Shura mad.

Cookie’s giggling at his father like the cute little monster he was from his place in the carrier on his mother’s back.

The monkey points at her, startled, “You’re from Skypiea!”

“Oh, you remember me. I’m flattered.” Shura’s voice is bland when she responds, reaching one hand back to support Cookie as she loosens the ties of the carrier, the toddler wiggling out of her grasp when he’s free and dropping to the ground without fear. Running into his father’s arms, cackling when the force of his little body slamming against Cracker’s chest causes him to wheeze. Shura scowls at him, “Oh, stop whining already, you ridiculous man. I doubt the monkey hurt you that badly.”

His next whine is punctuated with her name, “Shura…”

“Hush. I’ll deal with the Monkey. Take care of Cookie for a moment.”

“Aw! Is that your son? He’s super adorable.”

“Yes, he is.”

[greeneyedsigma]

A group of bandits just watched me return to my homestead, get attacked by 2 dragons, kill both of them, eat their souls and return to my workbench like it was nothing...and decided I would be an easy target.

Fools. I’m the Dovahkiin.

[greeneyedsigma]

So, I changed my username on AO3 (got bored and wanted a change) so if you are one of the people subscribed to me or my fics over there, don’t be alarmed.

My username is now

Odins_Green_Eyed_Raven

[greeneyedsigma]

[greeneyedsigma]

Imagine Keegan accidentally broadcasting the filthiest dirty talk to all of the Ghosts that was intended for Logan only and everybody is so shocked it takes Merrick a couple of minutes to be like “Holy Shit Keegan, you’re a dirty motherfucker.”

And Keegan is silent, mutters “None of you heard that.”

But they all heard it and either Kick or Neptune is like “Do you think Hesh heard all that?”

Cue the mad dash to intercept Hesh before he can strangle Keegan.

Meanwhile Logan is the one person who didn’t hear it and is blissfully unaware of the ensuing chaos.

[greeneyedsigma]

Garp: *is throwing stones at Sengoku's window*

Sengoku: You have a phone for a reason, Garp!

*THUD*

Sengoku: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

[greeneyedsigma]

*Contraceptive lessons with Grandma and Grandpa*

Luffy: Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies?

Sengoku: Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials.

Sengoku: It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby.

Garp: Rock also defeats baby.

[greeneyedsigma]

*Hawkins is talking about her past*

Hawkins: I guess it was that day I came home to a cold, empty house, devoid of light and love, and I knew then that my sorrows would only grow.

Drake: Hawkins, this is the saddest life story I have ever heard! And you haven't even covered the teen years!

Who’s Who: Oh, I'm sure it gets better!

Hawkins: Ha! No, at eleven, things really took a turn for the worst.

[greeneyedsigma]

Three generations of Monkeys, same energy

Garp: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to his chest*

Sengoku: We have heart?

Garp: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

**

Dragon: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to his chest*

Ivankov: We have heart?

Dragon: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

**

Luffy: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to their chest*

Usopp: We have heart?

Luffy: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

[greeneyedsigma]

Grandma Sengoku fed up when Garp tells her he’s not even going to try and catch the Straw Hats on Water 7: Garp! Stop playing favourites with the grandkids and either arrest our Granddaughter or don’t! You wouldn’t go that easy on Ace!

Garp: Ace is older!

Bogard, in the backround: I told him to just tell you they got away.

Garp, hissing: What? Are you tattling on me?

Bogard: Yes.

Sengoku, sighing: At least pretend to try and catch her.

Garp: Yes, dear.

[greeneyedsigma]

Doflamingo, to Rosinante: In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in, and I don't... wanna fit in. Have you ever seen me without these stupid sunglasses on?

(Made me chuckle, even if it doesn’t fit him 100%)

[greeneyedsigma]

Kid: My dad died before I was born, so whenever someone jokes about fucking my mom I’ll pretend to be really sincere and say some shit like “Glad to see she’s moving on, my dad’s death hit her pretty hard.” Then watch them absolutely fumble trying to figure out a response to that statement.

Kid: Update, she has a new boyfriend, I can no longer make the joke.

**

Hawkins: I’m so tired.

Drake: Did you get to bed late?

Hawkins: No.

Drake: Did you do something strenuous?

Hawkins: No.

Drake: Then why are you tired?

Hawkins: I’m alive.

Drake: Sounds exhausting.

**

Hawkins: Everything will be ok. You can not stop it.

Hawkins: Everything will be fine. You have no choice.

Kid: What the fuck kind of pep talk is that?

Hawkins: Ominous positivity.

**

Hawkins: What’s up with Kid? He’s been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Drake: He’s just a little overwhelmed.

Hawkins: Why?

Drake: Luffy smiled at him.

**

Drake: How the hell are you still alive?

Kid: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.

**

Drake: *sucking on a popsicle*

Kid: Pfft, you practicing for when Who’s Who gets here?

Drake: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle*

Kid: *Concern*

**

Luffy: Look, I know we don’t always see eye to eye but—

Kid: Thats because you’re too short to do so.

Luffy: ...Listen here you fucking—

**

Hawkins: What’s the status up here?

Who’s Who: Fucked up, about to die, Drake’s a nerd. The usual.

**

Drake: We call that a traumatic experience.

Drake, turning to Hawkins: Not a "bruh moment".

Drake, turning to Kid: Not "sadge".

Drake, turning to Who’s Who: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

[greeneyedsigma]

Like, if we get giant marines, I want mink marines too.

[greeneyedsigma]

Sengoku: Are you sure your grandfather is going to be able to handle that IKEA furniture? He’s not very good with technical stuff…

Law: Why are you worried? IKEA was never complicated; these days, it’s even easier! Everything’s color coded, numbered, and there’s even an assembly robot option to make it even easier for Garp, which we’ve obviously opted in for. All he needs to do is press the clearly labeled ON button, scan the QR code on the front of the box, and it’ll take care of the rest. Even a monkey could do it!

*Law’s phone rings*

Garp: Hey, so I’m at Lowes…

Law: …

Law: I should have gone with the monkey.

**

Sabo: Wow! The Halloween decorations look great, Luffy! Where did you get such real-looking skeletons?

Luffy: From Moria! I asked him if he had an extras because his decorations always look so amazing and he did!

Sabo: From Moria? *looks more closely at the skeletons*

Sabo: These aren’t fake, are they?

Moria, passing by with a box full of assorted skulls: They are not.

**

Luffy: What are your adjectives?

Law: …You mean my pronouns?

Luffy: No, I know what your pronouns are! What are your adjectives?

Law: …I dunno. What are yours?

Luffy: Noisy and chaotic!

Law: I’ve never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so quickly.

**

*Their reaction to being told they're the chosen one*

Law: I will not let you down.

Ace: Sounds fun.

Luffy: K.

Garp: No, I'm fucking not.

Sabo: Do I have to be?

Sengoku: Please god, I am so tired.

**

Garp: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of Luffy.

Sengoku: You just said it again.

Luffy:

Garp: I am not a role model.

**

Garp: You don’t deserve me.

Sengoku: At your worst or your best?

Garp: I don’t have a worst.

Sengoku: Because you’re already at your worst?

**

Sengoku: How do I tell Garp that I want him to yell at me like they're Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée?

**

Garp: I’ve only ever said ‘I love you’ to two women in my entire life: Sengoku and a chick in a dark club who I mistook for Sengoku.

**

Sabo: My assistance will be an act of beneviolence.

Law: ...Don’t you mean benevolence?

Sabo: No.

[greeneyedsigma]

Crocodile is a dramatic bitch at his core, and I stand by that

Shoutout to Crocodile sending daily sandstorms at that old man. Like, he didn’t need to do that. That contributed nothing to the plan. He was being a hater for the love of the game.

[greeneyedsigma]

*soft gasp* he’s here

Gecko Moria-sama in all his glory