#2022 me wouldn't have posted any of this

[tazmiilly]

various college doodles

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Canonical enshittification

This is the Facebook playbook: you lure in publishers by promising them a traffic funnel ("post excerpts and links and we'll show them to people, including people who never asked to see them"), and then the rug-pull: "Post everything here, don't link to your own site. Become a commodity supplier to our platform. Abandon all your own ways of making money. Become entirely subject to the whims of our recommendation system."

Next will be: "We block links to other sites because they might be malicious."

Then some kind of "pivot to video."

Probably not video (though who knows?) but some other feature that a major rival has, which Twitter will attempt to defraud its captive, commodified suppliers into financing an entry into.

In case you were wondering, yes, this is canonical enshittification. Lure in business customers (publishers) by offering surpluses (algorithmic recommendation and an ensuing traffic funnel). Lock them in (by capturing their audience and blocking interop and logged-out reading).

Then rug the publishers, clawing back all the surpluses you gave them and more, draining them of all available capital and any margins they have, until they die or bite the bullet and leave.

I would also give good odds on this leading to a revivification of the "Pay us tens of thousands of dollars a month for a platinum checkmark and we'll actually show what you post to the people who asked to see it."

That will be pitched as the answer to publishers' complaints about not wanting to turn themselves into commodity Twitter inputs. It will be priced at the same (or more) as the revenues publishers expect to lose from being commodified, making it a wash.

All of this seems to me to be an "unfair and deceptive business practice" under Sec 5 of the FTC Act.

If I sign up to follow you because I want to see what you post, and Twitter shadowbans your posts unless they are formatted to maximize your dependence on Twitter, they have deceived me, and are being unfair to you.

This is *very* analogous to the Net Neutrality debate, where a platform blocks or deprioritizes the things its users ask to see, based on whether the suppliers of those things are its competitors.

I've written about how an end-to-end principle for social media could be enforced under Sec 5 of the FTCA, how it would address this kind of sleazy practice, how it would be easy to administer, and wouldn't form a barrier to entry for new market entrants:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen

[amermaidsecretdiary]

I'M QUITTING + MY VOID STATE SUCCESS STORY

Hello guys, it's been a long time since i have posted something or in general be active here which was mostly because of personal reasons (just focusing on myself), although one of them had to do with our community.

I personally joined loatumblr at the middle of 2022 (from a previous anonymous account i had) but i started posting much later. Back then, the community was at it's peak ngl. The bloggers and the way they explained stuff was honestly, at least for me, so helpful and enjoyable. After the end of 2023 - beginning of 2024 this community started dying. I really didn't like this since I loved scrolling through specific blogs and reading their posts. I tried to post some stuff to give a little bit of life in there and i guess it did help a little.

Quick note; Please don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that the current posts and blogs running right now suck.. what i'm saying is that this community used to be way more alive back then.

One of the reasons why this happened is because people applied and got what they wanted. So they logged off tumblr. When I realised that, I decided to seriously focus on loa and start applying myself. And i ended up manifesting some good stuff, and I was good with it. Although, after some time, i decided that i wanted to manifest a completely new life from scratch, which it was what i wanted to do from the first time i joined tumblr but i ditched that thought and ended up changing some stuff about my current life.

My goal back then was to enter the void state (which im pretty sure it was 95% of the people in here goal too), but i didn't understand it properly so i couldn't 'enter'. I ended up ditching it and manifested without it. But after some point, i did my research and fully understood the void state or better, pure consciousness. If you go through my blog, you won't see much stuff about pure consciousness because i choose to not talk about it in here. The way it is treated it loatumblr just pisses me off. If you post a void success story, people will immediately run to you and ask you basic stuff like 'how did u do it?' when all the information needed about it is already posted. People tend to see it as something 'huge' and believe they can't succeed in it which is bs. If you do a little bit of research on pure consciousness you will understand how simple it is. Although, even if the 'void state' is seem like something that people overcomplete this doesn't mean that you can not use it. What i'm saying is that there are some people who really dislike the concept of it and will recommend u not to try it. Look, everyone has their different opinions and beliefs but if you want to manifest your dream life in the void state, go ahead. After all, it found you for a reason.

So coming back to my experience, since it was always my 'dream' to manifest my dream life in the void state, i decided to do it now. I'm pretty good at lucid dreaming (i've been lucid dreaming 3 years now) i decided to tap into my pure consciousness during a lucid dream. So i did my usual routine, had a lucid dream in which i closed my eyes and found myself floating in a void. I affirmed that i have lucid dreams everynight and then i got out. I did this 4 days ago, and i have had around 3-4 lucid dreams every single night, without doing any practise at all. Also, i have been scripting my entire dream life and i'm preparing myself to finally experience it. I have decided to make a looottt of big changes but two of them are the 'biggest' for me; numb.1 i will manifest that i will completely forget about my current life (i will also not remember anything about the law, for personal reasons) and numb.2 i will go back in time around 30 years ago (again for personal reasons). I mentioned this to make it clear to you that i won't be able to post my 'success story' after manifesting it, since i will not remember anything about me manifesting stuff and also even if i did, i wouldn't be able to post it since i will not have access to tumblr or current technology in general. So my success story is this one. This days, when i find the right time for me, i will have a lucid dream as usual and tap into my pure consciousness again which from there, i will finally manifest the life of my dreams. So that's my final post you will see from me. I hope you all never give up and get what you want because trust me it's worth it and all this found u for a reason. If you really want it and you stay consistent, then it's all yours. My words can not describe the way i feel right now, knowing that i have my dream life right in front of me and i can just grab it and give it to myself anytime, after this big journey. Goodbye everyone :)

[foone]

Annoying edge case for lycanthropy: a dragon who is also a werewolf.

(A short story I wrote back in 2022 for twitter. I've slightly re-edited it, but it's still "twittery" in how it uses linebreaks (because there used to be post-boundaries there). Sorry! )

So on the full moon, they uncontrollably turn into… A much smaller and squishier humanoid. They can't wait to get their scales and fire breath and wingspan back. They're so vulnerable in their werewolf form!

No one at the werewolf support meetings is sympathetic.

They're all humans or nearly, so one of them is like "it's just so scary. I'm huge, and inhuman, and I feel like I'm made of weapons, with my claws. Everyone fears me, and I fear myself sometimes, never knowing what I might do, if I lose control and just let the rage out…" And the werewolf-dragon is like "and then you turn into a werewolf! It's so annoying, I agree"

Everyone else just turns to look at them, slowly

They do take some tips about werewolf safety. They just do it backwards, because instead of making sure they can't get out and cause death and destruction, it's more about making sure no one can get in and attack them in their merely nigh-invulnerable werewolf form. When you're a dragon, turning into a nearly unkillable rage monster of claws and fangs is a major downgrade. It's a real moment of weakness, and who knows if your ancient enemies or some upstart knight is going to try to take advantage of that moment of weakness?

They get infinitely more annoyed when they finally find a witch who can do the right ceremony and lift the curse of lycanthropy. "there… With the burning of this silver candle, you are finally free. You're human in all moonphases, now." "WAIT A FUCKING SECOND, HUMAN?!"

They got turned into the humanized version of their werewolf form. Permanently.

Always read the fine print before asking a witch to do a complicated magical ritual on you.

"also, question: how the hell did you burn a silver candle? Isn't the melting point of silver…" "one thousand eight hundred degrees, yes. It wasn't easy. Look. "

She pulls back a curtain and points. There's a complicated bellows system being vigorously pumped by a bunch of little black cats, each wearing a tiny witch's hat. They're sweating with exertion and the heat.

"we're done, my lovelies. You can stop now" The kitties hop down off the bellows and lie down at her feet, or wander off looking for food. The witch looks down at the former dragon, now barely 5 feet tall. "why do you think I asked for my fee in cat food?"

"but it was ALL cat food. Don't you need to-" The former dragon pauses mid-sentence, as the witch pulls off her traditional witchy headwear to reveal two pointy feline ears. "you were saying?"

"nevermind. Thanks, I guess." The dragon walks to the door, then turns around. "hey, I need to find out how to be a human, would you happen to know anything or anyone I can ask?" The witch looks up from sitting on the floor with a leg behind her head, licking the inside of her thigh "wouldn't have a clue, sorry love", she says with a smile.

The witch has to show up later and bail the former dragon out of jail. Apparently they accosted a city guard after being told "you can't just wander around the city naked". The dragon told them to contact the catwitch because it's not like they know any other humanoids.

The guard wasn't physically hurt, but getting jumped by a small naked human after merely pointing out you need to wear trousers or a dress or something in public is the kind of thing that leaves mental scars that'll take a while to fade.

Even if your tiny nude opponent was mainly trying to scratch or bite you with claws or fangs they no longer have

The former dragon ends up living with the catwitch. She could use some help with the bellows, and even if the dragon can no longer provide her own fire, they still know a lot about it.

And even if they're now a short little weakling who has to be reminded to wear clothes, they are a bit better at pumping the bellows than a pack of kittens.

Plus they can help with making potions and such in ways the cats can't, what with having thumbs.

They live together for a while, until the grumpy now-human finds out that another dragon has taken up residence in their former hoard.

And that will just not do!

So the dragon convinces the catwitch to come with them on an adventure to raid their own hoard and defeat (or at least evict) the dragon.

So they set out, the former dragon having to figure out the weaknesses in their own defenses and how to navigate a space built for dragons, not tiny humanoids. They're wearing the minimum in clothing they can get away with, and wielding a sword almost bigger than they are.

And following, the catwitch with a broom and a big sack of magical devices and reagents, and a little procession of kittens in their hats.

(the former dragon uses they/them pronouns. Their human body does have a sex, but when gender was explained to them they called it a "foolish human thing" and never bothered with it, just like their opinions on silverware and public indecency laws)

As far as anyone can tell, dragons have only one gender, and it's dragon.

Anyone who has asked further questions about dragon gender, sex, or reproduction has ended up crispy and good with ketchup.

They manage to evict the squatting dragon, and the witch is like "well, I guess you got nearly everything you want now. I'll take my cats back to the city…" And the ex-dragon is like "WAIT… I was thinking, maybe you could… Use my hoard as a new shop? There's plenty of room"

"are you asking me to stay?" "n-no… I mean, yes? Shut up. It's just because it would be a good place for you. After all, your shop has that leaky roof, and you were running out of storage space, and the mayor always wanted you kicked out…"

"oh I see, so it's just for me? How kind. You don't care either way, right?" "right! I don't care! I don't need or want you around! I don't care about silly human things" "human?" she asks with a smile, wiggling her ears on the top of her head. "shut up you know what I mean"

"so you don't want me to stay around you? You don't have a reason why you want to be near me, to be with me?" she says "with" with a certain slant on it, as she rests her arm on the shoulder of the former dragon, having to lean over her to reach. "n-n-n…"

The witch switches to cupping the former dragon's face in her palms. "and your face is so warm, little one. Are you trying to breathe fire? You're turning red, so maybe you are…"

"stop it! I… I just…" "yes?" the witch lets go, but her tail curls around the waist of the former dragon, like they are walking hand in hand down a beach.

"I like you, alright? I want you to stay. I want to be with you! Is that so wrong?"

"nope!" says the witch, happily pulling them into a kiss.

We zoom out, past a pile of gold coins and goblets and scepters, as little black kittens in adorable hats play in the hoard, ambushing each other in play-fights from the high ground of a treasure chest.

[macknshift]

sadie rhode mackintosh . . . formula 1 driver dr.

THE BEST PART ABOUT SADIE MACKINTOSH IS THAT YOU'LL NEVER SEE HER COMING.

the then 21-year-old's second f1 win after fans believed she wouldn't even make it the rest of the season? in abysmal conditions in são paolo, brazil in 2024. the announcement that she would be the next red bull f1 driver? at the back-end of a season when we believed max verstappen would stay at red bull forever. that's her talent. a true star is born in formula 1 once in a millenium it feels like - the american did it in 2 seasons.

BORN TO INFAMOUS FERRARI ENGINEER jon and DAUGHTER OF FERRARI LEGEND CHARLES BELL marie, sadie mackintosh is TWO THINGS - born for this and ready for this.

driver for scuderia alphatauri, rookie class of '23, #29. 5 foot 10, darling of fashion house miu miu, part-time runway model. 20, only child, aquarius. monaco-based, austin-grown.

soundtrack of my life . . . 2 hands , tate mcrae. circus , britney spears. oh no! , marina. kiss it better , rihanna. vroom vroom , charli xcx. shut up and drive , rihanna.

STATS & THINGS . . .

scuderia alphatauri driver in 2023, oracle redbull driver in 2024-26, scuderia ferrari driver from 2027 forward.

winner of her first f2 season in 2022 with prema, sponsored by the redbull driver academy.

nicknamed 'speedy' for her aggressive attempts in overtaking & abnormal lack of hesitation. her other nickname, given first by will buxton 'drive to survive' is 'britney jr.' in her parallels with formula 1 champion and now monaco-based youtuber nico rosberg, (it's mainly the gorgeous locks lmfaoooo) as well as her apparent love for popstar britney spears.

races under #29, her grandfather, former f1 driver charles bell's old racing number. she is the only of his 5 grandchildren to race in any motorsport.

has been in 3 crashes as of the end of the 2024 season - twice in 2023 (saudi arabia w/ leo dempsey (#99, aston martin) & dutch gp w/ oscar piastri (#81, mclaren) and once in 2024 (silverstone w/ george russell (#63, mercedes))

as of the end of the 2024 season she has won 4 grand prix - united states (austin), brazilian, las vegas, and abu dhabi, all in 2024 within the last four races of the season.

is rumored to be in a relationship with aston martin driver leo dempsey. (allegedly they married after sadie's las vegas gp win.)

she has graced the cover of american vogue and modelled for several high fashion brands including miu miu (whom which she is an ambassador of), vivienne westwood, chanel, and most recently yves saint laurant. she is also the face of victoria's secret pink and has been gifted angel wings as a vs angel.

she and fellow f1 driver anna jones, as well as current head of f1 academy susie wolff, have received collector's barbie dolls as apart of the 'barbies in sports' collection by mattel (and none for danica nasty ass bitch)

⊹ ࣪ ˖₊˚⊹⋆ hiiiiiiiii (can y'all tell i love this dr) this is essentially my f1 dr intro!! i'm shifting to the beginning of 2023, right before my first f1 season begins! *side note if anyone wants the 'my first day' f1 template lmk! send me a dm or an ask and i'll gladly post it!* yes i stole hailey bieber's middle name. i thought being an f1 driver and having the middle name rhode would get me some aura points!!!! sue me!!!! the inspo to make this post obvi comes from tate mcrae's new song sports car (i looove tate & i actually scripted that i'm the stunt driver in her '2 hands' mv lol)

[loullaby]

i posted my donations for @alliwantforchristmasislou earlier, but i wanted to make a separate post about how much bucktommy changed my life this year.

before i tell my personal sob story, i just wanna thank all my bucktommy friends for making me smile again. to my 20 tommy fans and my lou fuckers, you really did save me 💜

@shannondiazs @half-oz-eddie @theweewooshow @louisjude @xofemeraldstars

@disaster-j @reginamillls @wikiangela

@tommykinard @aringofsalt @apartmentsmoke

@kiinard @ohithankyou @shaunashipman

@tommykinard217 @louvemeanyway @loucifersbitch

@kinardevans @louferrignojrofficial @teenmaximoff

and to all the people that support my silly little posts and icons, thank you, i appreciate you so much!

i started watching 911 in 2020, but i never really connected with the fandom. I always felt like I got to it too late, and everyone already had their friend groups, so I just watched the episodes and read fics on my own.

at the end of 2022, i moved to portugal, because my mom got a brain tumor and she was living there, and my husband got accepted to a doctorate program there, so it made sense for us to move. after we moved, my mom lost her pension because of the stupid brazilian government, and my husband wouldn't get his scholarship approved because of the stupid portuguese government, so i had to financially support everyone. that made me work 3 times as hard, which led me to a terrible burnout and depression, but i couldn't stop working or we wouldn't have any money.

i kept going kinda like a zombie, just working, sometimes eating, sometimes sleeping, nothing sparked joy anymore. until april 4th 2024, when bucktommy kissed for the first time. i was still watching 911 through all of this, but i wasn't checking tumblr anymore, but that was such a shock that i had to see what everyone was talking about.

and what i found was a bunch of people that were just as happy as i was to see buck be happy. as we got to know tommy, we fell so deep and so hard for him. and we fell even deeper and harder for lou. we joke that someone put drugs on that man, but his big heart and big tits bewitched us, body and soul.

i found my people, i found a reason to smile again. i was inspired to create for the fandom, something i hadn't done in over 15 years. seeing such a loving relationship and a positive queer representation gave us all hope, and that's why the breakup hurt so much.

let's hope that 2025 brings them back to us, and if it doesn't, we'll always have each other 💜

[nobodyexpectsthe]

okay i'm going to do a veilguard critical post and i want to start it with this post by david gaider that has lived rent free in my brain since i read it.

and i want to be clear as i begin this rant that i am critical of studio leadership. not the development team themselves, because god fucking knows they tried.

i cannot emphasize enough that the game we got is not the fault of individual writers, or game designers, or any creative team leads. the issue came from people way, way, way above their heads.

and that is extremely important to remember that veilguard's active retooling had only been in play for, what, a year? from 2022 to 2023? when the games industry decided it was time for record layoffs?

where like their entire QA team got shitcanned?

and devs had to fight to get more than two weeks fucking severance?

if veilguard had remained an always online multiplayer experience i think it's story would have been praised, because the story was not meant to be the main draw. the gameplay and character customization was. any story in an online game that isn't an mmorpg is generally praised - even if its a stupid mystery box story where you're just drip fed tiny details that will take actual years to pay off.

in a singleplayer experience in a franchise that people went to because of it's storytelling the whole thing just falls so short.

but for me the issues went so much deeper.

i like most of the character concepts. i like most of the ideas the game was built on, but the execution made me angry.

needing to constantly leave and come back to the lighthouse to pop new quests was frustrating. if they dropped me in the middle of the hub it wouldn't have been so frustrating, but to talk to lucanis i have to go from one end of the map to the other.

there was nothing to do at the lighthouse besides that and i guess upgrading my armor. i can't talk to my companions. i can't even like - prog conversations between them? why can't i use my caretaker points to build out areas for my companions to hang out in, drop some fucking items in there associated with them, and maybe get the conversations i want to hear instead of lucanis talking about fucking coffee for the sixteenth time?

there's a dining room. why can't i use that to get ambient banter conversations?

why am i at the fucking mercy of what the npcs want to do?

so much of the gameplay felt like a holdover from the multiplayer version. things that wouldn't have bothered me as part of a game that was meant to be played in realtime, with idk the conversations being daily login incentives,

but nothing stood out to me as bad as the quest recaps did. the quest recaps actively fucked with my ability to get immersed and stay immersed. they were either clearly a holdover from when there were meant to be huge real time gaps between content drops or an extremely poorly thought out addition that really only made the stop-starts of every quest that much worse.

and the little pop-ups that reminded me why a character did a thing or felt a certain way were infuriating. that just happened. literally at the start of this quest.

the companion quests don't change. they come to conclusions on their own, and even if you try to sway them in another path it doesn't ultimately change anything? i think emmrichs is the only one you can drastically affect the outcome of.

like yes, game, you are not terribly complicated. i have a handful of choices so if a character is doing something or saying something directly related to a choice i pushed them to make, i would assume that's why.

except i had no actual choices. i have replayed dragon age 2 & inquisition multiple times just to see how different scenarios play out depending on my choices. i have played BG3 to fucking death to see how little dialogue options get called back.

i am not talking the grand sweeping choices at the end of the game. i am not talking about the four different endings - which i actually did not enjoy at all.

an ending where everyone dies because you didn't amass enough political power and/or recruit all the party members would have fucked hard actually.

and see, one of my favorite rpgs of all time is tales of symphonia. that's a jrpg. that has a set plot, a set way things play out, you cannot change it except for one small detail - your interpersonal relationships.

i do not need to drastically change the ending of the game, i need to feel like the little stones i throw make little ripples. i need to see that my actions, the person my character is, has an influence on the people around them, their willingness to stand with them and follow their orders, and veilguard didn't give me that.

what i got instead was the illusion of a choice.

what if instead of rook assigning people to missions (THAT IT HOLDS YOUR HAND THROUGH TO PICK THE RIGHT CHOICES) it came down to a matter of trust? what if you gave an order and rather than following it, your teammate / the faction decided you knew jack shit actually and deviated from the plan?

or what if their unhealed personal trauma actually came up in the thing that gets them killed? what if instead of it being cinematics, it was something you had to play through ala DA2? where you have the option to try to salvage the relationship one last time before they either die or get themselves killed?

why was i a fucking spectator in this game that was supposedly built around the strong bonds the veilguard had? because like the whole ~hero of the veilguard~ thing falls flat to me if their fatal flaw isn't ultimately what destroys them.

an ending where i got fed up with the same boring repetitive sidequests & didn't go back and forth from the lighthouse often enough to get

the fact that the game auto-saves at key choice points too is indicative that they know this is not a replayable experience.

looking @ corinne bus.che's departure from bioware and her statements, i don't have a lot of hope for the company. i think that she's saying in the politest way that things are still bad and she's moving on to greener pastures and hopes that the studio can fix itself.

and i say this because i'm remembering the actual months of all hands meetings where execs said the same thing over and over again right before they dropped that projects were being scrapped, games were being sunset, and layoffs were imminent. and my boss, bless him, was trying to reassure me that my team was safe.

only for him to log in one day and find out that someone above his head had laid off team members without his say or input. and how this happened again, and again, until i was the one sending him a text message bc i'd been called into a meeting with someone above his head. my whole team was devastated, our already small size reduced even further, and the workload became that much more stressful to everyone left.

and it kept coming. the way the SLT undervalued anything that wasn't their own fucking jobs was disgusting. heaven forbid you don't lose your bonus. but sure, okay, hq needed that luxury spa the almost entirely remote team will never see.

i had to sign stuff saying i could never disparage the company so i could get my severance.

i remember sitting in allhands meetings with my team, watching the divide between the people who actually make the fucking game and engage with the audience & the people who call the shots grow bigger, and bigger, and bigger until we had a blowout during a meeting regarding our bonuses structure changing THREE DAYS after another project was cancelled AND THE COMPANY HIRED AN ADDITIONAL CEO.

i have been the person in meetings with an exhausted dev team, listening to the writer say they want to do more but the studio won't let them. i've seen the artists showing off work they know will never see the light of day because their project was doomed. i've seen the team lead with defeat in his eyes saying they desperately trying to explain to SLT (who had no knowledge or care about the IP what the project needed to succeed) only to be dismissed.

and like, that might not be her energy. that might be my disillusionment with the industry speaking, but it's so fucking sad. so fucking sad.

she's currently getting a lot of flack but like - it's not her fucking fault my dudes!!! the game was pushed out on a crazy timeline, there were layoffs, she inherited so many problems.

i hope she uses her title and experience to find a better studio to work at and has the chance to make the crpg she wanted to. i hope that studio understands that you can't just staple trends from other games & genres onto yours and make it a success, because bioware & EA sure don't.

i genuinely hope baldur's gate 3 and larian's entire approach to game design forces these grifting finance bros out of the industry and i wish so desperately the discourse would focus on how that is the fucking problem here. but i don't think it will.

i'm going to be so surprised if bioware isn't stripped and sold for parts after mass effect 4 drops. i've seen it too many times at this point.

ips are only as strong as the people making them. and if you have created an environment where these people are leaving in droves, or are constantly anxious for their job security, or you keep interrupting it and retooling it to chase a trend, you've fucked yourself and don't even understand why that trend is popular.

why in the fuck is someone going to pay for knockoff of a better game that's doing numbers with an active playerbase? do you seriously think that the dragon age skin you put over it does anything for that?

i am so tired of the conversations around this game centering on how 'wokeness' ruined it. it didn't. these have always been progressive games. the issues with vg came from people far removed from the writing, design & art process. i think a lot of the clunkiness of the game came from the fact that these stories had no fucking time to develop and grow naturally, they had to be shotgunned bc they had no time to do anything else.

when all is said and done, my honest impression of veilguard is that its a miracle it came out. it is. it genuinely is. few games get out of development hell after that long, let alone in a playable state with any redeeming qualities.

but that miracle isn't enough for me to forgive all of its faults. the slog that was act 2 damn near killed me. there was no narrative pacing with the companion quests. there was... no quests outside of the companion quests. it would have been one thing if i was doing a main story quest and then everybody had feelings related to that quest, but i think 99 percent of act 2 is purely fixing everyone's emotional problems so they don't die in the final battle.

anyway the last thing i'll say is i've seen a lot of people criticizing the team for fluffing the project up. and... man, i hate to tell you this, but they can't say anything about it right now. they just can't. and more than that, like... they are allowed to have pride in what they managed to pull together. the fact that game came out at all is, and it cannot be understated, a miracle.

if there are expirations on their NDAs & non-disparagement clauses, we're going to get some tea in 5 - 15 years.

[ohtransarchon]

August has been rough

Almost 6 months post-op now and I've moved back home with my parents and my mental health has rotted again!!

It's been really rough though. I don't really know how to explain the problem. I've been feeling bad about transitioning and that's a scary thought. I'll be honest I'm scared of fully vocalizing these thoughts, as if saying them out would make it real.

There are many possibilities for these thoughts though, I could be feeling bad because I'm regressing because of moving back home, I have done this before I got surgery back in 2022, I would constantly question whether or not I wanted to reaaallly do it even though I kept thinking about it. And now it's the same except I have actually done it and my brain is just freaking out-

It could also be me struggling with the irreversible part of it, which is a personal flaw of mine. I find myself needing to have a way back even if I never find use for it. Like holding on to receipts of things I want "just in case I suddenly don't want it"

or it could be me somehow pre-mourning a possibility (extreme overthinking on my part), my brain is upset that if I were to get implants they wouldn't be my boobs anymore, like my insides are forever gone so my brain is just prematurely sad for a complete hypothetical scenario.

Some people on Reddit told me that it's quite normal for people who have had any kind of surgery to feel kinda like shit 6 months and below after their surgery because your brain is trying to get used to the change, which is something I was aware of but- when you're in it you just become so blind fyi-

Recently though it does seem like maybe my previous identity might not fit anymore :) Sort of like, I used to have a more masc leaning identity to compensate for my body and now that my body is more aligned to me it's kind of like now there's too much masculinity in my life- and I need to get in touch with my femininity more now. I've heard that happen to other queer people as well!

When you transition you might find yourself changing again because your body isn't restricting you as much as it used to.

Transitioning can be freeing but also scary at times. There's a lot going on aaaall the time !!

[lilacmingi]

RUNAWAY

My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with me or any of my works

Pairing: Pirate!Hongjoong x pirate!fem reader

Word count: 8,270

Note: This is an imagine from April 2022 from my Wattpad. The pirate Ateez imagines are definitely some of my most popular ones and I’m SO excited to share them here! I wanted to do something to celebrate 200 followers but I don’t have any new stuff ready so I’ve decided to post my Ateez pirate imagines! 🏴‍☠️ Pirate AUs for the other members are linked at the end of the imagine!

The moon hung high in the clear night sky, the bright beam reflecting onto the peaceful waters below. The view of the dark horizon was tranquil and the complete opposite of the pandemonium that was taking place just a few feet behind you.

Singing, hollers of celebration, and the clanking of stein glasses became mere background noise as you gazed at the midnight sky above. The myriad of stars dotting the heavens were almost like fireflies in the forest, giving some light to the otherwise dark sky.

Hongjoong's crew was celebrating another successful day of pillaging—it was exhausting. You'd become rather numb to these so-called celebrations. It's just a bunch of men acting like drunken fools to you.

The crew belted out sea shanties in their intoxicated states, the sour notes coming out slurred and garbled. You cringed. You didn't know how much more of this you could take.

The sound of heavy boots stumbling towards you caught your attention. An arm was slung haphazardly over your shoulder, the force making you jerk forward a bit.

"Y/n." Hongjoong slurred slightly, his breath smelling of rum. "What are you doing all the way over here?"

"Watching the moon." You answered.

"Come join us. You're missing out."

"No thank you."

He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I just don't care for celebrations."

"But you've always enjoyed our celebrations."

"Yeah, but it's becoming a bit... how do I put this? Lackluster."

Hongjoong scoffed. "Lackluster?"

"Yeah. I just don't enjoy it much anymore."

"Let me change your mind."

You glanced over to see Hongjoong's hand extended towards you, his many gold rings glimmering under the lit torches.

You started to deny him, but stopped, pressing your lips together in thought.

"C'mon." That all too familiar charming smirk of his spread across his soft-looking lips. "You wouldn't refuse a dance with me, would you?"

"I might." You teased, a playful grin threatening to break out onto your features.

He made a face at you in return.

"Alright." You caved, clasping his extended hand. "I'll dance with you."

"I knew you couldn't resist." He simpered, leading you towards the middle of the main deck.

The drunken singing of the crew was much louder now that you were right in the middle of it. Hongjoong's cheeks were stained pink from the alcohol, no doubt, as he grinned brightly, taking your other hand. The two of you began spinning and skipping to the stomp of the crew's boots against the wooden boards of the ship. Neither of you ever really learned how to properly dance, but when you're a pirate, that doesn't matter much.

As you bounded in circles, you found yourself enjoying it more and more. The two of you danced in no particular rhythm, stomping your feet and bouncing around like fools. Your hands stayed clasped together as you swung them around, your joint laughter filling the air.

Once the chanting and off-key singing of the crew died down, you and Hongjoong ceased your dancing.

"See? That was fun, wasn't it?" He grinned.

"It was." You agreed, fixing the errant strands of his scruffy mullet.

"You always enjoy dancing with me."

"I do." You admitted.

"C'mon. Have something to drink." He pulled you towards one of the barrels set up and took it upon himself to fill up a stein.

He handed it to you with a smile. You reluctantly took it, taking a sip of the dark liquid.

"Next time we dock, I'll try and get some nice wine. How about that?" Hongjoong suggested.

"That would be wonderful. I'm starting to tire of rum."

"Hey, if you won't drink it, I will." Hongjoong reached out to grab the glass from you.

"Wait." You pulled it away. "Are you sure you should have any more?"

"Of course! You can never have enough alcohol."

"How many of these have you had?" You questioned, referring to the large stein in your hand.

"Three."

You pressed your lips together, hesitant to hand over the drink. Then again, Hongjoong is as stubborn as a mule. If you don't give it to him, he'll just make himself another glass.

"Very well, then." You gave in, handing over the glass.

"Thanks, lovely." He winked, taking the beverage from you.

You watched as he sauntered off, joining his crew to clink steins with them. One of the crew members began singing yet another drunken shanty, causing everyone to start dancing again. Hongjoong held his wooden stein up in the air, alcohol sloshing onto the deck as his crew cheered him on.

"Say my name!" He shouted.

"Captain Hongjoong! Captain Hongjoong! Captain Hongjoong!" They chanted, fueling his ego.

You could tell he loved that. He loved being the captain. It was his dream, after all.

A yawn spilled from your lips, catching you off guard. You hadn't realized how tired you were.

You stepped away from the railing of the ship and began to head towards the captain's cabin to turn in for the night.

You and Hongjoong shared a room, exactly the way he wanted. You were the only female on the ship and Hongjoong's dearest friend, as well as his right hand woman, so he wanted to make sure you stayed close, which is why you got the best room on the ship.

On the way to your shared room, you noticed someone sitting on the steps leading to the quarterdeck. He was hunched over, a head of soft, brown hair resting on the top of his knees. You were curious as to who was crouched on the steps alone. You had been on the ship for years and were familiar with every crew member, but you weren't sure who this was.

"Excuse me. Are you okay?" You asked, approaching the male.

He lifted his head, large, brown eyes looking up at you.

"Oh, Minho." You smiled, warmly. "I thought you'd be over there with everyone else." You spoke, gesturing to the celebration taking place a few feet behind you.

"No." He shook his head. "I'm not one for celebrations. They've become too hectic for me. To be honest, I thought you'd be over there. You're always with Hongjoong."

"Yeah, well, I've had my fill of celebrations for the night." You told him. "Hongjoong is on his own tonight. I've decided to turn in for the night."

"Well, I don't want to keep you out here. Sleep tight." He smiled.

"Thanks, Minho."

You stepped into your room, closing the door behind you.

Hongjoong's bed was unmade, as usual and his desk was an absolute mess. He was never one to clean up after himself. Apparently, he "has other things to worry about." You let out a sigh as you walked over to his desk where papers and books were scattered over the surface. The entire tabletop was in disarray. As much as you wanted to clean it up, you knew everything was more than likely left in place for a reason. So, you did the least you could possibly do, which was throw away any wadded pieces of paper as well as collect all of the pens and pencils scattered across the desk, placing them all into a cup.

You told yourself you'd stop and go to bed after that, but you didn't. You ended up stacking all the papers strewn across Hongjoong's desk, putting them in one, neat pile. Upon doing so, you discovered a large map spread across the tabletop. Your head tilted to the side when you noticed a red dot on the map. Normally, a red dot indicated that the town was going to be raided for supplies. You tried to read the name of the town, unable

to see well in the dimply lit room. Your eyes squinted as you leaned towards the map, until you heard a commotion just outside the cabin, which caused you to scurry away from Hongjoong's desk.

You made yourself busy, pulling back the covers on your bed, only to find that it was just a false alarm. The noises you heard were merely drunken crew mates making a ruckus.

You glanced back towards Hongjoong's desk sitting on the other side of the room, tempted to go back and look at the map, but you decided against it, choosing to get ready for bed.

You turned the knob on the oil lamp, dimming the light so you'd be able to rest. You wanted Hongjoong to be able to see when he finally came to bed, so you didn't put it out all the way.

As you laid in bed, your mind began to drift towards the map, your curiosity getting the best of you. Your head lifted from the pillow, your eyes staring across the room at Hongjoong's desk. Then, without thinking you flung the covers off of you and grabbed the oil lamp, moving across the room to the map spread on the table.

The dim glow of the low-burning flame illuminated the chart enough to where you could finally read the name of the town. You blinked a few times, getting a second look at it, wondering if you misread it.

"That can't be right." You murmured.

Worried about getting caught, you scurried back to bed and attempted to go to sleep. Instead of worrying about what you saw on that map, you just chose to confront Hongjoong about it the next day.

The sea breeze blew through your hair as you stood by Hongjoong's side on the forecastle deck.

"There's a town close by that we're going to pillage." He informed you as he steered the gigantic vessel.

"Was that the town you had marked in red on your map?"

"How did you know that?"

"I saw it on your desk last night. That town isn't a bad town. There's good people living there. Why would you plan to pillage it?"

"We need supplies. Plus, they're nearby."

"That's your reasoning?" You questioned.

"Yeah."

"Hongjoong, that town is well known for giving things to those in need. You should find another town to get supplies from."

"If that's true, then looting the town should be easy." He shrugged.

You were appalled, unable to believe what he just said.

"It makes more sense to go there because it's closer. We don't have enough supplies to last long enough to make it to the next town."

"Then ration our provisions."

"I can't do that."

"Yes you can. I'm not asking for much. Ration until we reach the next town."

You could tell Hongjoong was getting agitated, but you wouldn't have him pillage a town that didn't deserve it.

"What I say goes, and I say we're raiding that town."

"I want you to wait and raid another town."

"Well, you're not the captain, are you, Y/n?"

"No, but I am your friend." You responded, harshly, stepping forward to grab the wheel.

"Hey!" Hongjoong shouted. "What are you doing?"

"Steering us away from that town."

You began to fight with him, the wheel being pulled back and forth like a tug of war.

"Why don't you listen to me?" You asked.

"I'm the captain!" He snapped. "Not you!"

Hongjoong shoved you away, causing you to stumble back and fall onto the deck. A hiss left you as pain shot up your hip and elbow. You thought maybe your friend would feel some sort of remorse, but he only stared down at you, looking only mildly surprised at his actions.

You clenched your jaw and pushed yourself up off the deck, knowing you lost this fight.

"Forget it. I'm tired of this."

You stormed off the forecastle deck, getting as far away from Hongjoong as you could. You were absolutely fuming, wanting to unleash the burning anger inside. Hongjoong only raids towns that steal from the poor. Never has he even considered looting a town so generous—until now, apparently.

The way he simply brushed off the fact that he was about to pillage a small town that didn't deserve it made your blood boil. Truthfully, you don't think he understands the weight of his actions. He'll leave that town with hardly anything. They won't have anything left.

The sound of boots hitting the deck pulled your from your thoughts. Turning your head, you spotted Minho approaching you.

"You alright?" He asked.

Your lips pressed together as you briefly contemplated lying to him.

"No."

"I heard a commotion on the forecastle deck and wanted to check on you. I assume you and Captain got in a fight?"

"It's the first fight we've ever had. He wants to raid a town because it's nearby. I tired to talk him out of it because the town provides for others."

"That doesn't seem right." Minho responded.

"It's not. I tried to make him change his mind, but he just kept saying we don't have enough supplies and we have to dock there. I suggested rationing what we have and he completely shot down the idea."

Minho frowned in distaste. "Why is it so difficult to ration?"

"I don't know." You sighed, shaking your head. "He's never acted like this before. I don't know what's happening to him."

"I'm sorry he's being such a jerk."

"Me too. Sorry for dumping all of this onto you. I should have just lied and said I was okay."

"No." Minho shook his head. "I'm glad you were honest. It's not good to bottle things up. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. Okay?"

You nodded, giving him a weak smile.

The day went on and you tried your hardest to keep your distance, avoiding Hongjoong by any and all means. Much your dismay, Hongjoong had announced to the crew his plans of looting the poor town. You were set to dock in just a couple days.

When night settled over the sky, you began making your way towards the captain's quarters, only to stop in your tracks. Did you even want to sleep in the same room as Hongjoong?

You turned on your heel, redirecting your route to the crew's sleeping quarters, heading directly to one room in particular.

Your knuckles knocked lightly on the bedroom door, waiting for an answer. It creaked open just a few seconds later.

"Oh, Y/n. What are you doing here? Is everything alright?" Minho asked.

"Yeah. This might sound like a weird question, but is it alright if I stay with you tonight?"

His large eyes widened in surprise.

"Hongjoong and I aren't on good terms at the moment, which you already know, and I don't really want to share a room with him now."

"I understand." He nodded, stepping aside. "Come on in."

You volunteered to sleep on the floor, but Minho wouldn't allow it, offering you his bed. So, that's where you slept.

The ocean was rather choppy today, much like the situation you were currently in. The white-capped waves dominated the majority of the waters' surface, the ship lurching with each forceful push of the sea below, sending a spray of salt water up the side of the vessel.

"Alright men, all hands on deck!" Hongjoong instructed. "There's a storm coming in from the north."

"Yes, Captain." The crew responded.

You wanted to ask Hongjoong if he needed your help with anything, but the two of you were not on speaking terms at the moment, so you held your tongue.

"Man the sails!" Hongjoong shouted more commands, sternly.

He's absolutely deserving of being captain. Despite his small stature, he carried a very powerful and commanding presence, his aura almost threatening at times. However, at the end of the day, he was still the sweet Hongjoong you grew up with—well, up until recently. You said you would follow him to the ends of the earth. He was your best friend, after all. Now, you're not sure who he is.

Years ago, when the two of you had just recently turned 18, Hongjoong had this grand idea to escape.

"We're gonna get out of here." He told you.

"And go where?" You inquired.

"Anywhere. Everywhere." He answered, his eyes twinkling. "Sail the seas."

"You want to be a pirate?" You questioned.

"Yes! It would be so much fun. No rules, no nothing." He turned to you with a smile. "Will you join me?"

The excited gleam in his eye let you know how serious he was about this unattainable dream. Despite that, the idea of sailing the seas and living a rule-free pirate life thrilled you.

"Yes."

Look where that got you.

A loud boom of thunder rumbled in the ominous sky above, dark, menacing clouds swirled over the ocean. You stepped away from the railing, watching as the crew scurried across the deck, preparing for the storm brewing in the atmosphere.

Hongjoong was busying himself by barking orders at crew mates, rushing them along. He was unusually snappy today, no doubt because of your little fight yesterday.

"What are you doing?" He shouted, angrily. "Furl the mainsail! The storm is approaching!"

Truthfully, you were surprised he hadn't said anything to you about not sleeping in your own bed last night. Then again, maybe he didn't care.

A raindrop hit the top of your head, catching your attention. It didn't take long for the stray drops to turn into a torrential downpour. The rain came down in sheets, pounding on the deck, making puddles almost instantly.

You noticed Minho struggling with one of the masts, hurrying over to assist him.

"Thanks." He breathed.

A gust of wind blew by, whipping your hair in every direction.

"We should get inside!" Minho yelled over the howling winds.

You nodded in agreement as his hand found yours, leading you towards the crew's sleeping quarters to get out of the harsh winds and piercing rain.

Little did you know, Hongjoong was watching, his sharp eyes trained on yours and Minho's intertwined hands.

The ship made it out of the storm unscathed and went on its way to the small, unsuspecting town. Part of you had hoped the storm would somehow get the ship off-route and Hongjoong would be forced to ration supplies and hold off on the raid until you made it to the next town.

The pillaging went on as planned. Like all raids, the looting took place at night. Hongjoong always said it was better to do these things under the cover of darkness.

You stayed on the ship, of course, unable to join in on the raiding. Your conscience wouldn't let you. To your surprise, Minho stayed behind too. Like you, he couldn't bear to be a part of the merciless thievery that was taking place.

It didn't take long for the two of you to hear multiple pairs of booted feet thudding hurriedly against the main deck, followed by the sounds of heavy objects being set down. Your heart sank, knowing the raid was over and the town was left without many of their supplies. For the first time since stepping foot on this ship, you felt sick.

It didn't take long for the music and rhythmic stomping of feet to begin, letting you know the celebrations had already kicked off.

Minho's top lip curled in distaste as he stared in the direction of the main deck.

"I can't sit here and let them celebrate this heinous act." You muttered, pushing yourself to your feet.

You stormed up onto the main deck where Hongjoong was standing up on a cluster of crates, barrels, and burlap sacks dancing and celebrating.

"So you ended up raiding that town?" You inquired with crossed arms.

"Of course I did." He responded before turning to the crew. "And it was a raging success!"

The crew cheered with him, which only fueled your anger.

"I wouldn't call it a raging success if you're stealing from people who do good."

"It's not like we killed anyone." He rolled his eyes.

"No, but you left that town to suffer. The attack was unprovoked."

"Don't get your trousers in a wad, Y/n. We're pirates. We pillage and plunder, it's what we do." Hongjoong responded casually.

Your fists unconsciously clenched as you tried your hardest to bite back rage. Instead of opening your mouth and allowing your scathing words to escape, you whirled around and returned to Minho's room.

The door slammed shut behind you as the brown-haired male lifted his gaze, waiting for you to speak.

"Minho, can you keep a secret?"

In the dead of night while everyone was asleep and/or passed out from alcohol consumption, you snuck out onto the main deck with a small bag of your belongings, heading for the rowboat. You planned to escape the godforsaken ship that once felt like home. Minho, who knew about your plan of action, promised not to breathe a word of your whereabouts. He even offered to assist you.

Said pirate followed you outside and helped lower you into the water once you were inside the boat.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" He questioned.

"I'm sure. Being captain has gotten to Hongjoong's head and after that little stunt he pulled earlier tonight, I can no longer stand by his side."

Minho nodded, somberly. "I understand. Good luck."

"Thank you."

The boat was lowered the rest of the way into the water and you began making your way towards the town. Equipped with just the necessities, you started your journey, using just a compass and a messy, hand-drawn copy of Hongjoong's map.

You didn't feel the slightest bit of remorse as you rowed further from the ship, watching as it got smaller and smaller. You didn't really care if Hongjoong knew you left. He made it very clear that he was the captain and what he says goes. It was painfully evident that he didn't need you anymore; if anything, you were doing him a favor. On the off chance that he did freak out in wake of your disappearance, you'd never know, nor would you care.

"Serves him right." You muttered.

To your surprise, it only took you the entirety of the night to arrive at the marauded town. Your arms were throbbing and you were in need of sleep, but were happy to have arrived at your destination. You used an old rope to tie your row boat to the dock before stepping out onto the landing.

The first thing you noticed about your surroundings was the stacks of crates and barrels that had been emptied and toppled over. The remnants of last night's pillaging was obvious and heartbreaking. You slowly made your way off the dock and into the town where you were met with more wreckage—it was horrible. The more you saw, the angrier you became, wanting nothing more than to curse Hongjoong up one side and down the other. Being on a pirate ship for so long, you managed to learn some insults you didn't even know existed and you wanted to use every single one on Kim Hongjoong.

People were trying to clean up the aftermath of the pillaging from the previous night, doing their best to put the town back together. You spotted a nearby hostel, a middle-aged woman crouched on the ground outside, attempting to tidy up the small flowerbed that looked as if it had been trampled on.

"Excuse me." You called out, gently.

The woman lifted her head. "Oh, hello. Can I help you?"

"I was wondering if you had any vacancies."

"As a matter of fact, I do." She smiled, softly, dusting her hands off on her apron. "You look like you need a good night's rest. Have you traveled far?"

"All night." You responded.

"I'll get you checked in right away. Follow me." You trailed behind the woman as she entered the house, going behind the front counter. "Sorry. We're a little short-staffed. There was a pirate pillaging last night. All but one of my employees quit—and he can't quit because he's my son. That sort of thing just doesn't happen here, so it really scared the workers."

"If you need help, I'd be happy to lend a hand." You told her.

"No, dear. You need rest."

"It's fine." You brushed it off. "It's daytime anyway. It's best I stay up."

"Are you sure, dear?"

"Of course. It seems like you could really use the extra help."

"If you insist. I won't turn down someone who's so willing to lend a helping hand. I'll show you to your room and bring you some working clothes."

"Great." You smiled, following her to the room you'd be staying in.

It was small, cozy, and equipped with only the necessities.

"So, what's your name?" She asked as you looked around the room.

"Y/n." You answered.

"That's a lovely name. You can call me Mrs. Park."

"Well, Mrs. Park, I'd like to stay here for a few days. How much do I owe you for it?" You asked, turning to her.

"Free of charge."

"I can pay for it. It's fine." You insisted.

Mrs. Park held her hand up to stop you.

"You're doing me a huge favor by offering to help me out. It's the least I can do."

"Well, thank you. I appreciate it."

"Like I said, it's the least I can do. We have running water. If you'd like, you can go wash up and I'll bring you a change of clothes and an apron. Then, we can get started on the work."

You didn't bring a lot with you, so getting settled wasn't a problem at all. You did take advantage of the running water Mrs. Park told you about. Being at sea, you haven't had access to clean water, therefore you've not been able to properly bathe. The closest you got to a bath was a quick dip in the ocean with a bar of soap. Shampoo, conditioner, and soap was provided for you, which you were immensely thankful for.

You felt rejuvenated after your bath. In fact, you felt like a whole new new person.

After stepping out of the bathroom, you spotted a neatly folded stack of clothes on your bed.

Normally, you'd wear a large, cream-colored shirt with ruffled sleeves tucked into a pair or trousers and black boots. The clothes Mrs. Park had provided you with contrasted greatly with your usual attire. In your hands was a long, navy-colored dress that laced up in the back, the garment made with thick material, as well as an apron to wear over the dress. As a pirate, you never wore dresses. They weren't really your thing, anyway. However, you were trying to start a new life, and that new life required you to wear the dress in your hands, so you put it on.

You were surprised by your reflection, hardly recognizing the person staring back. Your hair, which had started to dry, was fluffy and bouncy. The outfit was different, but you didn't hate it. You would have preferred pants, but you were willing to compromise since you had a place to stay.

Not wanting to waste too much time, you headed to the lobby.

"Mrs. Park, I'm ready to get started."

"Y/n?" Hongjoong called out.

He hadn't seen you all day. He was still a bit upset with you for the way you reacted the other day as well as last night, but when he didn't see you, not even with Minho, he began to worry.

"Y/n!" He called out again much louder, hurrying across the deck. "Has anyone seen Y/n?"

No answer.

In a panic, he peered over the side of the ship, noticing the row boat was gone. His head snapped towards the sails where Minho was standing.

"Minho!" He shouted, stomping over to the man. "Where is she?"

Minho didn't even spare a glance at Hongjoong and continued straightening out the rigging.

"I'm sure she's around here somewhere." He responded, nonchalantly.

"Don't make me ask again."

"I don't know where she is."

"Stop lying. I know the two of you have been spending time together. Where is she?"

"Away from you." Minho responded, his tone becoming snappy.

Hongjoong reached for his cutlass, pulling it from its sheath and pointing it at Minho's neck.

"Tell me where Y/n is." He demanded.

"You're the captain, you're smart. Why don't you figure it out?"

Hongjoong's jaw clenched, his patience being pushed to its limits. Then, suddenly, it clicked. You had to have gone to that town.

Hongjoong put his cutlass back in its sheath and turned around on his heel.

"We're changing course!" He announced. "I know where Y/n is. We're going to get her."

Working at the small hostel was wonderful. You found that you enjoyed it very much. Unlike life on Hongjoong's ship where you did the same thing every day, you did something different each day here. It was a nice change.

The day you arrived at the town, you were introduced to Mrs. Park's son, Seonghwa. He normally took care of washing the sheets and putting the beds back together. Sometimes he helped out in the kitchen and cooked meals for the residents. Now that all of the staff members had quit, he had to take up most of the slack. The two of you got along well and it made working at the hostel a lot more fun.

Mrs. Park had sent you and Seonghwa to the market to get some things she had run out of. She rushed the two of you out the door, going on about how dire it was that she get these items. She wanted to make a cake for you, which she had mentioned was her specialty, so getting the ingredients was very important.

"Alright. Eggs, flour, and sugar." You read off the list. "We got the sugar. Just a couple more things and we're good to go."

You picked up a small sack of flour and put it into the basket Seonghwa had tossed over his arm. That was the system. You grabbed the groceries, Seonghwa carried them.

"My mom really appreciates your help. When those pirates came though and everyone quit, she was really scared. She didn't know how she'd be able to take care of the place."

"Seems like I showed up at the right time."

"You did." He nodded with a smile. "I know it's only been a week, but things are starting to get back to normal, I think. Everyone seems to have recovered. I just hope it doesn't happen again."

"Me too." You responded, picking up a carton of eggs.

Unbeknownst go you, Hongjoong's ship had just docked at the town and the captain was making his way down the wharf.

You had just paid the cashier for the groceries and were headed back to the hostel when suddenly your wrist was grabbed and you were pulled away from Seonghwa into a small alley between two buildings. You jerked in the person's grip, trying to break free until you saw their face.

"What are you doing here?" You spat.

"What are you doing here?" Hongjoong turned the question back to you. "And what in the seven seas are you wearing?"

"I'm helping, and if you must know, this is the uniform I was given."

"Uniform?" He repeated, his face twisted in distaste.

"I'm working at a small hostel. Did you know all of the staff quit after your little rampage?"

You could see Hongjoong's eyes soften for a moment before he quickly covered it up.

"Why did you even come looking for me?" You questioned, harshly.

"You're part of my crew."

"Is that all I am to you? Just a crew member?"

"No."

"Well, that's what it feels like. Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be."

You started to walk away when Hongjoong grabbed you again.

"No you don't. You're coming back with me."

"I'm staying here."

"You don't have a choice, Y/n."

You jerked your arm away. "I do, and I choose to stay. You obviously don't need me back on that ship. You wasted your time coming back for me."

"You're wrong. I need you."

"You don't. You're the captain, remember? You make the decisions yourself. You don't need me to tell you what to do because in the end, you'll do what you want."

He opened his mouth to speak, but you continued.

"This whole captain thing has gone to your head. What happened to the Hongjoong I used to know?"

"I'm still the same Hongjoong."

"No, you're not. You've changed."

That's the last thing you said before walking back to Seonghwa, who was standing in the middle of the street with his mouth hanging open, his face as white as a sheet.

"Let's go." You grabbed his arm, pulling him in the direction of the hostel.

"D-do you know him?" Seonghwa asked, his head turned to stare at Hongjoong.

"I used to."

"He's the captain of the pirate crew that looted our town."

"I know."

"What?"

"It's a long story."

"If you're with him, then—"

"I'm not with him. I ran away. He wanted to pillage your town and I told him not to because this town is so selfless, but he didn't listen, so I left the ship."

"You're a pirate?" Seonghwa gaped.

"Yes."

"Is he going to take you back?"

"He's trying to."

Once you got back to the hostel, you gave Mrs. Park the items she asked for and hurried to your room, Seonghwa following behind.

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"I don't know." You muttered, pacing back and forth. "I didn't know he'd come looking for me."

Just then, a loud thump came from the somewhere downstairs. You and Seonghwa shared a wide-eyed look before hurrying to the door. You peered over the shallow staircase and spotted Hongjoong at the front desk.

"You wouldn't happen to how a Y/n, would you?" He asked.

"No." Mrs. Park lied.

"I know she's here." Hongjoong spat.c"Where's her room?"

"Crap." You whispered, retreating to your bedroom where you frantically began packing your things.

"What are you doing? Where are you going?" Seonghwa questioned.

"I don't know. Away from here."

The dress you wore was restricting you immensely, making it hard for you to move around.

"I hate this thing." You grumbled.

"I have an idea. I'll go distract him while you change and make your escape."

You gave him a nod and gathered the clothes you arrived in, which had so generously been washed by Mrs. Park.

While Seonghwa was downstairs stalling, you quickly stripped off the confining dress, changing into your comfortable pirate attire. Not wanting to leave things in a mess, you hastily folded the dress and apron, lying it on the bed before you snuck out the window.

"You!" Hongjoong pointed when Seonghwa appeared downstairs. "Tell me where Y/n is."

"She's not here."

"Yes she is. Where are you hiding her?" He pressed.

"I already told you. She's not here."

Hongjoong's lip curled into a snarl as realization struck him. He then rushed out the front entrance, turning the corner to catch you just as your feet landed on the ground.

You were relived, feeling like you had successfully made your escape.

"You didn't think you could get away from me that easily, did you?"

Your heart sank.

Hongjoong grabbed you, pulling you out into the streets, yanking you towards the docks. You jerked and writhed in his grip, shouting at him to let go, but he wouldn't listen. Your heels dug into the dirt as you tried to stop Hongjoong, but it didn't work. His grip on you was too strong.

Seonghwa, who rushed out after Hongjoong, spotted him as he pulled you through town.

No one dared to help. It was obvious the townspeople recognized Hongjoong from the pillaging a week prior. They wouldn't dare try and stand up to him.

"I hate you!" You spat.

"I could care less about your feelings towards me."

"Clearly you do. If you didn't care that I was mad at you, you wouldn't have come looking for me."

His hand tightened around your wrist, which let you know you struck a nerve.

"Let go of me." You hissed.

"Not until we're back on the ship."

"Hey!" Someone cut in.

Hongjoong stopped in his tracks, turning to see who had shouted at him. You turned as well, gasping when you saw Seonghwa standing on the dock a few feet behind you.

"Let her go."

"And who do you think you are?"

"Her friend."

Hongjoong scoffed. "You've only known her for a week. You're not her friend. I'm her friend."

"Really? It doesn't look like it."

Hongjoong used his free hand to pull out his pistol, pointing it at Seonghwa.

"Stay out of our business before I put a bullet in your head."

"Hongjoong!" You snapped, pushing the barrel down. "What is wrong with you?"

He gave you a sharp glare before you turned to the man attempting to save you.

"Seonghwa." You placed your free hand on his shoulder. "I need to go."

"What?" He asked in disbelief. "You're going back?"

"I have to. There's things that need to be dealt with."

Seonghwa gave Hongjoong a skeptical look.

"It's not what you want, though."

"It's what needs to be done. Tell your mom I'm glad I could help her out, but that I needed to go. Good luck with your business."

Seonghwa gave you a sad look, but nodded in understanding.

As soon as Hongjoong had you back on the ship, he let you go, beginning to bark orders at the crew.

"Let's get out of here!"

While he was distracted, you hurried off, searching for Minho. You hadn't seen him on the deck, so you thought he was in his room.

You burst into his bedroom, but he was nowhere to be seen. After searching different areas of the ship, you found him in the galley, cleaning the tables.

"Minho!"

"Y/n. You're back." He responded, seeming surprised.

"Not by choice."

"Well, just because you're being forced to stay on this ship, doesn't mean you should be forced to be around Hongjoong. You can stay in my room if you want to."

"Thank you. What are you doing down here?"

"Hongjoong put me on kitchen duty when I refused to tell him where you were."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. I don't mind cleaning up down here."

"Well, I appreciate that you kept my secret and tried to protect me." You smiled, giving him a light hug.

Just then, Hongjoong burst into the galley.

"I look away for two seconds and you've run off again. Now I find you hanging all over him."

He stormed over, grabbing your upper arm.

"Come here. We have some talking to do."

"Let go of her." Minho snapped. "You've forced her back on this ship. That should be enough."

"I'll deal with you later." Hongjoong pointed, pulling you out of the room.

You shouted at him as he dragged you all the way to the captain's quarters, calling him every name you could think of. Even when he released your arm, you continued ranting and raving.

"I can't even explain how angry I am right now!"

The door was then locked shut, causing you to spin around, abruptly. Hongjoong stood a few feet from you, his eyes dark as they stared into yours.

"Don't look at me like that. You have no right to be acting this w—"

You were cut off as Hongjoong pressed you against the door, his arms trapping you.

"I have every right to be acting this way. You're mine, remember?"

"I'm no one's."

You had barely gotten the sentence out of your mouth when his lips pressed harshly against yours. You had no time to react and were left frozen in place, your mind scrambling to make sense of what was going on.

Your eyes unconsciously fluttered closed as you allowed yourself to give in momentarily.

Hongjoong kissed you hungrily, letting out small growls that vibrated against your lips. You wanted so desperately to push him away. Your mind screamed at you to do so, but you couldn't. He had your mind in such a fog you couldn't seem to care what was wrong and what was right. Hongjoong's head tilted to the side, allowing his mouth to fit more closely with yours.

This is not right. This is not right.

Your senses finally kicked in and you pulled away, your hand making contact with Hongjoong's cheek as a resounding smack filled the air.

"What's wrong with you?"

Hongjoong placed a hand on his stinging cheek as he took a step back, a mildly shocked expression on his face.

"You got mad that I ran away, chased me down, acted like the biggest jerk ever, then all of a sudden you just kiss me?" You questioned. "What did you think that was gonna do?"

"I..." He trailed off.

"If you thought I would confess my love to you and forgive you, you're wrong. I don't love you. I love the old Hongjoong. The one who isn't this." You said, gesturing to him. "Just so you know, I'm sleeping in Minho's room tonight. If you need me, that's where I'll be." You told him, turning to leave.

"Wait." Hongjoong took hold of your wrist, this time much more softly, almost pleading. "Don't go."

You gave him an expectant look, waiting to see what he had to say. Though he was being a pompous jerk, he was still your friend and you were willing to hear him out.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. You're right. This whole captain thing has gotten to my head. Being a pirate and being in charge of everyone made me feel like I could take whatever I wanted, that included you."

He paused, collecting his thoughts before continuing.

"The truth is, I love you—yes, I said love. Before you and I started this journey together I liked you, but over the years that turned into something more. My feelings for you combined with my sudden superiority complex made me think you belonged to me. In reality, I just couldn't stand the thought of not seeing you again. It made my chest hurt."

Your gaze softened a bit.

Truthfully, you'd held some feelings for Hongjoong. Though, you tried to bury them, they were slowly resurfacing after his heartfelt confession.

"I had no reason to go after you like that. I should have just let you stay. You were right. You don't belong to me." He added.

That's all it took.

You grabbed his collar, pulling him forward and swiftly placing your lips on his. Hongjoong's words meant a lot to you and you were more than willing to forgive him.

He was stiff at first, not expecting you to initiate the kiss. Then, once he registered what was happening he started to reciprocate, kissing you with just as much hunger and ferocity as he was minutes earlier. There was so much passion and desperation in the kiss that it left you breathless. One of his hands made it's way to your waist while the other rested on your upper back, pulling you closer to him. His lips fully encased yours a few times before taking your bottom lips between his teeth. You were blown away by his kissing skills, your mind and body turning to mush.

When he parted ways, you found yourself gasping for breath, your chest heaving up and down. You didn't get a lot of time to relax as Hongjoong began leaving open-mouth kisses down your neck. Your breath caught in your throat as your fingers tangled themselves in Hongjoong's tousled mullet, grabbing at the long strands. Small gasps left you when his teeth grazed your skin. You never thought he would be so bold, but you weren't complaining at all.

Hongjoong pulled away, his eyes glazed over as he stared into your own. His lips were puffy from the intense makeout session and his cheeks were flushed—and this time it wasn't from alcohol.

"Don't ever run away from me again." He murmured hoarsely, his thumb running over your bottom lip.

"Don't do anything stupid and I won't."

He let out a short chuckle. "I promise. I also wanna say that I'm sorry for looting that town. I should have listened to you. I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you."

"Whatever it takes?" You questioned.

He nodded.

"Well, there is one thing."

Hongjoong returned the stolen items to the small town, apologizing for his actions. He continuously said he wasn't the type of person to do such horrible things and that he hopes the townspeople could forgive him.

Being the selfless people they were, the citizens forgave Hongjoong and even allowed him to keep some of the things he and the crew had looted. It was just enough supplies to last everyone until they got to another town. Mrs. Park and Seonghwa were happy to see you and understood that, while you had a good time staying in the town, your true home was at sea with Hongjoong. Mrs. Park even gave you her specialty cake as a parting gift.

"I baked it after you left." She told you.

"Don't you want to save some of this for yourself?"

"No." She shook her head. "You take it. Share it with the crew and that headstrong captain of yours."

You chuckled at her choice of adjective.

"He wasn't always so headstrong." You commented, glancing across the way at Hongjoong as he chatted with one of the townspeople. "That's why I'm here to be his voice of reason."

"Good." Mrs. Park smiled. "A man like him needs a strong woman by his side to keep him in check."

You chuckled lightly in response.

"Hey." Hongjoong cut in as he approached, snaking an arm around your waist. "We should get going."

You gave Seonghwa and Mrs. Park a bittersweet smile. "Thank you both for all the fond memories and giving me somewhat of a vacation."

"You're welcome." Seonghwa grinned.

"Come back anytime, dear." Mrs. Park smiled warmly.

With that, everyone boarded the ship and set sail once again.

"Mrs. Park gave me a cake." You smiled, showing Hongjoong. "It's her specialty."

"Looks good. Why don't we try it out?"

"It's to share with the crew." You told him, pulling it away.

"I'll share." Hongjoong responded with pleading eyes.

"I'll make sure you do."

"Hey." He piped up. "You know what goes good with cake?"

"What?"

"A party!"

For the first time in months, a party actually sounded fun.

Sour notes traveled through the night air as the crew sang out of tune. The celebration had just kicked off, so you knew the unpleasant singing wasn't from alcohol, though you expected it to get worse as the night went on.

Even Minho joined in on the celebrating, singing along with the crew and dancing around.

You sat alone on the forecastle deck watching the stars, the garbled singing once again becoming background noise.

The gentle thump of boots approaching caught you attention. You turned your head just as Hongjoong sat down next to you.

"What are you doing up here all alone? The party's not boring, is it?"

"No. I just wanted to watch the stars."

"Well, I brought you a slice of cake."

"Ah. Thank you." You smiled, taking the small plate from him. "What about you?"

"I thought we could share it." He responded, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

You tried to hold back a grin as he took the fork, getting a small bite of cake, bringing it to your lips.

You allowed Hongjoong to feed you, your eyes widening once you tasted the sweet treat.

"Mrs. Park was right. This is definitely her specialty." You commented.

"Wait." Hongjoong reached out, his fingers delicately holding your chin, turning you towards him. "You have something on you."

You didn't have time to respond as Hongjoong leaned in, pressing his lips to yours, his tongue swiping over your bottom lip, sending a rush of heat across your face.

He parted ways, letting out a chuckle as he licked his lips. "Got it."

You playfully smacked his shoulder, turning away in embarrassment.

"I can't believe you did that."

"But you liked it."

"A little." You responded, shyly.

"Oh. I almost forgot." He muttered, getting to his feet. "Wait here."

Hongjoong hurried off, returning moments later.

"Look what I got." He held up a bottle. "I told you I'd get us some fine wine."

"Where'd you get it?"

"Someone in that town gave it to me. He said it's meant to be shared with someone you love and then gestured to you." He chuckled. "I don't know how he knew we were together, but I have wine because of it."

"What are you waiting for? Let's open it."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

He popped the cork on the bottle, handing it to you. "M'lady." He offered.

You gladly took the bottle, taking a sip and humming in approval before handing it to him.

Your head rested on his shoulder as he took a large gulp of alcohol, setting the bottle on the deck.

"I love you, Hongjoong."

The words unconsciously slipped out, but you didn't care. Hongjoong's head rested on top of yours as he responded.

"I love you too, Y/n."

Seonghwa ⟡ Yunho ⟡ Yeosang ⟡ San ⟡ Mingi ⟡ Wooyoung ⟡ Jongho

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[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 少年歌行/The Blood of Youth

The Blood of Youth is a 2022 live-action adaptation of the tale of a deposed, disabled, and incredibly cunty prince who's on his way back to settle the score with his asshole father, and the rag-tag band of weirdos he accumulates along the way, including Spear Girl, Bad Monk, and Fire Puppy (pictured above).

I hope you like shounen anime, because this is the most shounen anime something is allowed to be without actually being based on something running weekly in Shounen Jump. What if Nirvana in Fire were also Naruto? It would be the Blood of Youth.

This show is an underrated gem of action-packed fun that not nearly enough people in English-speaking fandom have seen. In an attempt to correct that -- and ahead of an announced second season and prequel in progress -- I'm here with five reasons you should try it out.

1. Zero thoughts head empty

You do not have to pay an enormous amount of attention to this show to understand what's going on. The show itself does not always know what's going on. It got distracted by a shiny object over there, and now we're all gearing up to go punch the shiny object. We'll get back to the main plot when we're done with the punching.

It has a million billion plot threads going on at any given moment. Bad guys roll in from sects you've never heard of before, using superpowers with stupid names, only to get kicked into next week. There's approximately eleventy thousand characters -- so many, in fact, that I ran into problems several times while making this rec post, because there aren't readily available photos of everyone I want to talk about. Just look at the DramaWiki cast list. See how it goes on for like fifty screens? That's a little what the show feels like.

Except I'm not saying that like it's a bad thing, because the show knows it's doing this, and it acts accordingly. It telegraphs pretty well who's important and who isn't (and then it goes out of its way to color-code the latter, which is handy). What you're left with is absolutely a manga-style plot, complete with training arcs and semi-relevant sidequests, all working up to the final boss match.

It is an extremely self-aware show. On multiple occasions, something would happen, I would crack a joke about it, and then a beat later the show itself would make the exact same joke. I wouldn't call it an outright comedy, but it's still very funny, and on purpose. It has no illusions about being some kind of profound, meaningful epic. Mostly it's just here for a good time.

Yet this lightheartedness is what makes the powerful emotional parts really powerful by contrast. The show is not stupid; it's just goofing around most of the time. When it knuckles down, it can be devastating. And you know what? It does wind up being profound and meaningful about some stuff. How about that.

So yeah, if you're up for something that bops merrily right along and only occasionally rips your heart out, here you go!

2. Putting the poly in polycule

Bisexuals, rejoice! It's representin' time!

Here you go, I made a relationship chart of about 40% of the show's potential and canonical ships. I could have included so many more, but I only had so much space on the image, so I had to leave out some amazing ones, like the sword hedgehog who's real into this one cougar who could easily wipe the floor with him, or the rich nerd who thinks he has a chance with the aforementioned hot butch, or the fancy MILF who cheated on the emperor with a dreamy jianghu man and is trying not to cheat on him again with a different, slightly less dreamy jianghu man. See? There's just so much.

I would also say these are not exclusive ships. They are extremely inclusive ships. I am a fan of most (though admittedly not all) of the pairings listed here, and in fact of many of the three-and-more-somes indicated by these lines. They're such a cuddle puddle of shared intense feelings that it's hard to imagine anyone getting more than mildly jealous. Moreover, the potential for romance does not get in the way of hetero friendships; a boy and a girl who are each dating other people can go do adventures together, and (mostly) nobody gets weird about it, which is nice. If anything, what makes the overall dynamic so polycule-like is how equally friends and love interests get treated, meaning that it's not difficult to see a lot of crossover potential between those two categories.

If you're like me, you're hesitant about canonical romance, especially when it's straight, mostly because so many straight love stories wind up being tiresome, gross, and/or skull-poundingly boring. You will then be pleasantly surprised by how the canon pairings with members of the main cast are not like this at all!

Xiao Se and Sikong Qianluo are the main textual romance, and golly gee, they're just cute as heck. As the chart above indicates, I like interpreting them as two Kinsey 6's who have found their single exceptions, Mulder-and-Scully-style. Maybe one of the best things about their relationship is that it gets sidelined all the time for the plot. They're not so busy being in love that they forget to get shit done. Then they get a bit of downtime and get to go on a date, and you're like, aww, those sweet gay disaster babies are gonna do a little bit of heterosexuality. Just precious.

Tang Lian and Fairy Rui are right up there with the cuteness. She's a sex-positive dancing beauty who wants to ride that pretty boy like she stole him, and he's a shy sword boy so tightly bottled up that he'll explode if he sees a bare ankle. Avoiding spoilers, I will simply say that this is a pairing of two relatively soft people, until a bad thing happens to one of them and the other hardens up about it. If that's your jam, they're here for you.

Lei Wujie and Ye Ruoye are probably the most magical and the most practical of the bunch. They have a beautiful, super-dreamy, really horny sword-dance meet-cute, complete with its own pop song ... and then that's it, they're basically just together. She likes him, he likes her, good for them. In-laws aside, it's a refreshingly low-drama situation. Besides, I always love it when the hypercompetent woman gets the sweet, devoted himbo who'd do anything for her. Ruoye's had a hard life, and she deserves someone who can dick her down good at night and make her a nourishing breakfast the next morning.

And then there is, of course, The Ship:

Xiao Se and Wuxin are canonical, textual soulmates. The show treats their dynamic as more important than any other. It's so important, in fact, that the show has to sideline Wuxin for huge parts of the drama, lest everything get too damn gay. They each get a boyfriend catch on the other. They both do fairly reckless things when the other is in trouble. They are the secret hidden happy ending to the series. They share the kind of ride-or-die relationship built on mutually being the hugest bitches in any given room. Whether or not you think this is romance, it is extremely romantic, and the series agrees as much as it can, all things considered.

And if none of those flavors of love float your boat? Well, have you considered ... eunuchs?

3. She likes e4e

So I'm on record as being real into eunuch characters, right? Well, if you're with me on that, you are in for a treat here, because these are some absolutely buck-wild eunuchs.

There's five main ones, and I can't even begin to scratch the surface of what's going there. Like, really, I don't even think I understood all of what was happening with them. They're kind of the bad guys, but then they're kind of the good guys, but then some of them are the bad guys, but then they're just working for the bad guys, but then they screw over the bad guys, and ... it's just a lot, okay? It's a lot, and it's all happening with this bunch of catty bitches.

Also, you would not believe the difficult time I had finding any images for this section. I guess for some reason, fandom isn't way into a bunch of canonically dickless color-coordinated middle-aged men in weird hats? Whatever, man, they are missing out. If, however, you have the good sense to be into the intense and complicated (semi-romantic??) relationships among colleagues who also professionally just happen to be missing their external genitalia, buddy, strap in (and maybe strap on, depending).

Don't let me oversell how much these guys are in the show. They're not. They're vaguely important at points throughout, and they become incredibly important near the end, but they're hardly main characters. They're mostly back at the palace, doing their various schemes and looking absolutely fantastic.

So if they're such a minor part of the story, why do they get their own selling point? Well, I think their presence is a good example of two specific things about the show:

Specific thing the first: It's so queer -- not gay, but queer. Thinking back to my last selling point, you will notice how many of those straight pairings may look normie on the outside, but once you get down to it are not playing by cishet rules. (For instance, I've seen a lot of people read Tang Lian's resistance to sexual advances as asexuality, which, sure!) Likewise, there are lots of incredibly important, intimate relationships that don't conform to standard romantic pair dynamics. Add to that a lot of bodies with unusual characteristics and conditions, and you've got the makings of plenty of delightful non-normative love stories.

Specific thing the second: There are so many things going on with so many side characters that there's a kink here for everyone. Don't care for eunuchs? How about slinky villains with mind-control powers? Devoted servants who would do anything for their masters? Former bad guys who owe life-debts to the good guys who saved them? Bonded pairs traipsing around the jianghu together? Sons nursing legitimate grudges against the men who killed their fathers? Alcoholic widowers with incredibly slutty necklines? Mysterious cross-dressers with unconvincing moustaches? Vengeful brides? Martial siblings? Murderous royals? Guilt-ridden half-siblings? Boring star-crossed lovers? All these and more! It's a smorgasbord of rarepair fuel!

Also, I just love these toxic drama queens. It's like if RuPaul's Drag Race had the authority to have you executed.

4. The most intriguing outfits I've ever seen in anything (and yes, I'm including Winter Begonia)

Time for a fashion show!

The asymmetrical fits, the detailed embroidery on everything, the brilliant colors -- everybody just looks so good. And yet everything still looks ... eh, I don't know if "practical" is the word I want, but at least wearable. Nobody's dragging ten-foot trains of fabric behind them or wrapped in eighty floofy layers of gauze (except Rui, but she's special). Their outfits are strange and elaborate, but they don't defy physics.

What's truly stunning is how often they get new outfits. Xiao Se alone changes clothes about once every other episode, and more if he's getting a flashback. He is the fashion plate of the whole series, and every look he serves is pitch-perfect.

They're not outright color-coded, but the main characters do have certain colors associated with them -- which is extra-fun when you watch those colors bleeding into their friends' clothes as their relationships get stronger. I also think -- and I'm willing to be proven wrong on this point, but I think I'm right -- that they recycle some characters' outfits into parts of other characters' outfits. On more than one occasion, I'd swear that Lei Wujie shows up wearing the left half of something Xiao Se was wearing a few episodes back (tailored to fit him, of course, because that dumb ponytail boy is tall).

Where I think the costume design gets massive points, though, is that the costumes are themselves adaptations.

Before the live-action series, there was a 2018 3D animated donghua. I have never watched the latter, but apparently the drama is intensely faithful to the animated visuals, to the point where some fights are shot-for-shot remakes.

Of course, you can do a lot more with unreal clothing and bodies in animation -- and you can show a lot more skin, at least according to Chinese content laws. The live-action costumers chose to preserve about as many of the appearance beats from the donghua as they could manage, while still accepting the limitations of real-life bodies and materials. You can see some side-by-side comparisons here. The live-action outfits manage to be instantly recognizable without being slavishly devoted recreating to their inspirations.

So if you're sick and tired of dreary, ill-lit shows with bland palettes, this vibrant, colorful drama may be just the thing for you. It's a rainbow from start to finish.

5. Actually a good central plot?

Despite all the wacky delightful shounen nonsense that this show has -- and it has a lot -- the core of the whole narrative, which is Xiao Se's story, is surprisingly great and cohesive.

The short version is this: Xiao Se used to be Xiao Chuhe, sixth prince and somewhat heir apparent. Then he and his jerk-ass dad had a falling-out that resulted in the prince's having his martial arts abilities all but taken from him. He's been living the life of a very well-dressed innkeeper for several years, trying to avoid all of that palace garbage. But now his jerk-ass dad is dying, which means that a lot of horrible decisions are finally having unfortunate consequences for everyone, and Xiao Se's got to get back in there to make sure everything does not go to shit and land someone terrible on the throne -- even if it has to mean taking it himself.

His central conflict is between what he used to be and what he's become. Does he miss being Xiao Chuhe, high-ranked martial artist and future emperor? Or is he happier being Xiao Se, long-suffering nobody who can barely run a business, much less hold his own in a fight? What would he be willing to do to get back what he's lost? What are his obligations to himself versus his obligations to everyone else? How much is he responsible for his father's bullshit? And why has he wound up having to babysit this stupid Fire Puppy?

It's okay, they're best friends now. Lei Wujie decided.

No spoilers, but I liked Xiao Se's ending a lot. I feel it's very true to the character and shows a real understanding of who he is and what he values. And really, at the end of the day, sometimes all you need for a happy ending is your girlfriend, your girlfriend's girlfriend, your girlfriend's girlfriend's boyfriend who's also your boyfriend, your other boyfriend, his girlfriend, and your long-distance for-real soulmate.

Feel like giving the youths a try?

You can find them on YouTube or on Viki. But be absolutely sure that no matter where you watch it, you make sure to go watch the epilogue as well. (And if you get real into the story, well, here's a link to information about all the other adaptations.)

You are also welcome for how I did not spend this post going off for five hundred years on how much I love Wuxin and his funky relationship to Buddhism. I figured that's way too niche of a selling point for most people, and might indeed have even been counterproductive. But know that I could have.

Also, I'm very happy about the announcement of a second season, because that's going to mean Liu Xueyi has to shave his head again, and he looks unbearably good with a shaved head.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention the whole motorcycle photoshoot?

In case you hadn't noticed, the whole cast is stupidly hot. Hachi machi.

[mirrorball-leclerc]

snow angel - track four

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rheareynolds the council sending me off for filming.

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user1 somehow all three are very grumpy about rhea leaving.

↳ rheareynolds they were. although the boyfriend has no place to be complaining. he's constantly travelling.

user2 the boyfriend is hot.

↳ user3 you can only see his hair and arms?

↳ user2 and?

vancityreynolds stop lying, i bet they're thrilled.

↳ rheareynolds just because blake always throws a party when you leave doesn't mean my friends and boyfriend do.

lilymhe you couldn't have found a better picture of me?

↳ rheareynolds i think you look very cute

↳ alex_albon that's my girlfriend!

↳ rheareynolds what's your point? she's literally my wife

charles_leclerc have fun but not too much fun!

user4 okay but her cat is literally the prettiest cat i've ever seen.

user5 see i personally love that rhea met lily and the other drivers through lando but they still picked her over him

↳ user6 to be fair they are friendly with lando but you can tell it's not the same as it was.

↳ user7 well lando cheated on his girlfriend and not the other way around.

LATE MARCH 2023

lilymhe and rheareynolds posted new stories

breakfast with the prettiest girl ever.

prettiest surprise visit ever.

charles leclerc rhea come home the children (me and lily) miss you

lily muni he please come back!

max verstappen added two people

logan sargeant bonjour!

logan sargeant i don't speak french

oscar piastri hello?

charles leclerc piastri i swear to seb if you tell nowins about this i will crash into you. alex albon jeez give the kid a chance to breathe sharl

rhea reynolds i wrap filming in may!

rhea reynolds oh hello. oscar piastri and?

logan sargeant i'm logan sargeant, alex's teammate. when will we be getting new music?

yuki tsunoda yes, when can i get new material to further torment norizz?

rhea reynolds july.

lance stroll BOOO!!

rhea reynolds but a single in june

pierre gasly IT'S BARELY APRIL?? THAT'S TWO WHOLE MONTHS AWAY?? mick schumacher sucks to suck charles leclerc YOU LET HIM HEAR IT BEFORE US?? YOUR BEST FRIENDS?? charles leclerc WHAT HAPPENED TO BROS BEFORE HOES?

george russell GIVE US THE TRACKLIST TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR SINS!!

rhea reynolds talk too much, i hate boston, poison poison, gemini moon, snow angel, so what now, the wedding song, pretty girls, tummy hurts, i wish, willow, 23.

charles leclerc claiming snow angel lily muni he claiming pretty girls max verstappen you two are too much sometimes. but i claim so what now.

rhea reynolds his ass is grass. trust.

oscar piastri trust i will be playing this in my drivers room.

MAY 2023

rheareynolds posted new stories

💞💞

i just woke up why the fuck is everyone blowing up my phone? did my nudes get leaked, not that i have any, or some shit? worse, what the fuck did ryan do now?

mick schumacher who fucking spilled??

esteban ocon i spilled milk earlier, why are you asking?? and how do you know??

rhea reynolds how the fuck did some spanish paper find out that i was dating mick??

charles leclerc oh no.

max verstappen YOU TOLD CARLOS??

charles leclerc HE PROMISED ME HE WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING!!

pierre gasly HE'S FRIENDS WITH NO BITCHES!! WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE KEEP IT A SECRET??!!

oscar piastri this is bad. so bad.

lily muni he OH COME ON!! SERIOUSLY CHARLES??

charles leclerc I FUCKED UP OKAY?! I GET IT! I WILL SPEAK TO CARLOS!

george russell NO! NO MORE TALKING TO CARLOS!!

charles leclerc HE PROMISED!!

max verstappen HIS PROMISES MEAN SHIT! WE BOTH KNOW THAT!

rhea reynolds WHAT THE FUCK CHARLES??

charles leclerc I WAS ALSO DRUNK AND I TRUSTED HIM!!

pierre gasly i thought we learned our lesson after last time?

alex albon this is bad. this is so fucking bad.

rhea reynolds yeah no shit alex.

alex albon you didn't read the article did you?

lily muni he i swear to sebastian that i will be castarating both sainz and norris for what's being said. rhea reynolds oh fuck me.

are you dating mick schumacher?

rhea?

i know you're seeing these

are you seriously dating mick? my friend?

that's rich coming from the guy who cheated on me with a friend.

and if i am i don't think i owe you an explanation.

i also wasn't aware you guys were friends. you take one picture with a guy and suddenly you're friends.

are you fucking kidding me reynolds?

you're dating him?

him of all people

literally fuck you norris.

tell carlos to pull the fucking article or i'm suing his ass for defamation.

for what? telling the truth?

you and i both fucking know that article is straight bullshit. i never did anything to you. i was committed to our relationship more than you ever fucking were.

either he pulls the article or i swear i'll sue him.

fuck you and i hope you choke.

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¡leclerc-s speaks! i do know that the mick quote in the grill the grid video is in reference to seb, but the opportunity was right there so i had to go with it!! if i had a nickel for everytime i made carlos out to be an asshole i'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice. I PROMISE I DON'T HATE HIM!! I ACTUALLY LIKE HIM BUT HE'S LIKE BESTIES WITH LANDO AND IT WORKS OUT SO WELL.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[moonshynecybin]

no but what if there was a rosquez soulmate au where you feel each others pain and have each others scars etc? first of all vale wouldn't be able to deny his connection to marc anymore because he would have big ass scars all over his arms! would have to think about marc every time he's wearing short sleeves or is shirtless! and secondly vale would constantly be in just as much pain as marc is! his arm over the years, maybe the deal with the diplopia, maybe the emotional pain caused by the divorce and the whole aftermath as well?? i would looove watching him suffer knowing that he's either part of the reason for the pain or knowing that he's done nothing to try to alleviate the pain by maybe just being there for marc..

i DOOOO think if vale was in any way beholden to the risks marc takes and the pain he is in literally daily he would just hate him. it would not even be sexy hate it would be resentment 9000, so im gonna put the kibosh on the pain SHARING... but THAT being said, the visuals of them having matching scars is so fucking sexy to me so we can go with THAT...

like. everyone can see!!! everyone knows!!!! because its written across their fucking SKIN and precisely no one will acknowledge it. academy boys presscorp rosquez THEMSELVES... also vale is someone who has comparatively smaller scars, so its gonna be mostly scars accumulated by MARC. explicit ownership in a way that is not necessarily reciprocal and is EXCRUCIATINGLY PUBLIC. marc literally writing on his skin. unbearable. and maybe vale starts to figure it out when marc's hand injury happens in 2015 during summer break and hes doing shit like showing vale his scar and wellllll... WELL... we all know how that ends BUT. only vale knows it lmao. marc oblivious and heartbroken and he doesnt even KNOW...

and then theres marc's shoulder surgeries. and his stupid pizza burn during lockdown (where theyre locked on a video game oriented zoom call ignoring each other as best they can and vale is sweating BULLETS trying not to let his wrist show up on camera)

and then jerez 2020. and suddenly vale is walking around with his arm looking fucked uppp. and vale been ignoring all of it for YEARSSSS but the scars keep piling up!!! and marc isnt here hes in recovery/arm rehab and the paddock feels WEIRD and EMPTY and DIFFERENT and he doesnt know what to do with all of it... he has to start wearing a lot of long sleeved hoodies... watching new jagged lines appear on his arm.... until its 2022 and hes out of motogp and a lil out to sea (still thinking about him car racing less not to hang out with his young family but to hang out with PECCO next season. like what the HELL.) and marc is posting pics at the mayo clinic and the BIG scar appears on their skin and suddenly he cant really ignore any of it... thumbing over the ridge of it and feeling a bunch of contradictory emotions... and then MARC only finds out when someone paps a photo of vale in short sleeves with the edge of his shirt riding up a lil and his fucking stomach drops OUTTTTT because he would know the exact contours of those scars anywhere. and then being his regular direct ass self and showing up at vale's doorr the next time hes in the paddock like. HOWWWW long have you known.

[scummy-writes]

I'm not very good at sappy messages, and every time I make a post where I talk, I get really long winded and go on a tangent and I feel like if I ever get officially diagnosed with adhd or similar, it will come off as no surprise to many people.

2024 has been rough for me, and it's no doubt that 2025 will have a lot of it's own issues. I'm getting better at recognizing specific issues with myself and steps to take to better my mental health. Due to this, there's been long 'droughts' of my writing. I feel a lot of shame with it regardless of how much I recognize that it's silly to be ashamed that I'm not writing genitles smacking against each other often.

I love writing a lot. Years ago, probably...5 or 6 years ago.. I thought I was never going to write again. I remember a friend, rightfully, encouraging me to take a break and that not writing for a few months wouldn't do anything bad, but it was such a scary idea to me. Now, I'm very lucky if I manage a 2k fanfic in a month or two.

Somehow, you guys have stuck around despite of it. I have a tendancy to distance myself from this blog - unsure of how healthy it is, but I post with little expectations. I do get genuinely surprised at receiving nice messages. The little christmas tree messages, that I got too busy to individually respond to? I was expecting two messages, and got like 12. How crazy is that?? I got a mailed in gift to me from someone I never knew I would get to meet IRL one day. I've gotten to meet more people than I ever thought I would in my lifetime, and make friends or aquintances.

I am...very bad, at being super social, with everyone. the way I distance myself through having no expectations is that i get surprised when people want to talk to me, and I come off as standoffish because of the surprise and social anxiety. I will be blunt and say there are a few thousand following me, on top of the server, the projects, the constant attempt at trrying to catch up reading fanfics and the games, I miss messages. I miss kind words that I read in the moment and swear I'll respond to when I'm not busy, but then I am busy all of the time due to being poor at managing what is on my plate.

I went on a tangent again, haha. man.

thank you for staying with me through 2024. it's very difficult for me to accept that some of you just like me outside of my writing or what I make. That likely comes off crass, or possibly accidentally rude, but for a long time I have viewed this blog as constant apologies for not being able to provide enough fanfic, when it's been very unnessacary due to no one ever asking for an apology. You guys have been very kind to me and patient when I go on my apology ramblings, and I am very thankful for that.

Thank you for those of you who found me in 2023, 2022, 2021, and even from before then, and stayed here this whole time. I want to work on making this space more friendly for myself, instead of a blog of apologies. I want to be a bit more free with myself on here, and I'm thankful for harboring a group of people willing to take time out of their days to follow what I post, and to be kind enough to send positive messages my way, regardless of the subject.

Thank you for all of the encouragement and unanswered comments, replies, reblogs, and messages. I promise I do read them, and I appreciate them very much.

I hope 2025 treats y'all well, despite any hardships that might come up. At least we've got simpin' on our side!

[heartofbusan]

The sun's radiant vibe.

Rebirth and the declaration of Park Jimin.

DPPAKCVBMMNNN HES SO PRETTY. HELP. FOCUS.

Over on Twix, a quietly renowned translator named Colin delivers his version of lyric translations for nearly all BTS songs. He just posted his translations of MUSE and boy..🫠...be sure to read them as they are well thought out and nuanced. It's just beautiful the way he seeks to find the most fitting word to convey a feeling. His translation made me realize that people been sleeping on Rebirth. Not only streaming wise, it's kinda lagging behind, but lyrics wise as well.

It's been my clear favorite since I first heard it. It reminds me of church music, say I the atheist. But it's the way that choirs can move your soul with those soaring compositions and exalted professions of love for the glorious in a harmonious coming together of voices. It's just so beautiful. I can hear you screaming: THERE’S AN ACTUAL CHOIR SINGING ALONG, OH, so that might just be it, Sherlock 🧐 ok ok. Noted.

It's also that line: "With you. I will be your reason, reason." He's singing his promise, his praise.

Rebirth is Jimin laying his love at the altar, ready to be either burned or scorned or blessed. In any case, he's no longer hiding. He's professing. He's been through utter despair, and there was his love, arm outstretched. He wants to be as one.

Furthermore, i think Rebirth is kind of a coda to the closing song of FACE: Letter.

If Letter is a quiet confession, whispered from one lover's lips to the other's ear, warm breath tickling his hair, then Rebirth is Brat.

Rebirth is one hell of an opening song. Bold and bravely confident, utterly romantic in the meeting your lover at dawn kinda way. But the irony lies in that it would be an amazing closing song of an album. The way the choir lingers and the music resonates long after the song has ended. The clapping! It screams, ending concert song, and the audience is absolutely weeping, hugging their seat mates, mascara running, chimmy headband drooping.

There's probably a technical explanation for why, but I'm telling you, a closing song. Because once Showtime (interlude) hits, we're in a totally new environment audibly and emotionally. Yet it had to be the intro because it's the seed that was planted in FACE.

Rebirth is this Jimin:

"Both he and the object of his affection have feelings for each other." It's mutual. Equal. I am you, you are me much?!

"So that I can sing as we lock eyes." Insert TTU 'But I still want you.' gif here

"...implying that the other person won't let him remain hidden."

'In my despair, you act as light. Like the sun's radiant vibe, You pass by me tenderly.'

The sun is tenderly beckoning him with its warmth, to finally step into the light. We all know who has been there for Jimin throughout 2022/2023, encouraging him both publicly with his simping and privately.

Jimin told Namjoon in MMM that JK diligently helped him, assisting him when he spent two months re-training his voice for longevity.

I don't want to read more into the lines of a song that could also be totally make-believe, but it's Jimin were talking about. A man who is willing to break down himself, piece by piece, to rebuild himself back stronger, more confident, and with his eye firmly set towards the future. Do we think he wouldn't speak in these exalted terms about his good love? Have you heard Letter!?!

*DEEEP SIGH*

No wonder Jimin wants to give pay back in bedtime cuddles. 🙂‍↕️

Rebirth is so confident, and it's not only the lyrics mind you. It's also the way he sings notes we haven't heard him sing this brazenly before. I will scream into the void once he performs this live someday. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

Stream Muse and Rebirth for Real Love.

TLDR: Jimin is GOAT, author a simp.

[wouldvelovedmewheniwassoft]

help keep a queer disabled system couple from breaking NC with my rapist ❤️‍🩹

(CW: parental abuse/familial trauma, death from cancer, alcoholism, domestic violence, homelessness, sui + hospitalization, incest/rape, victim-blaming, abandonment + gaslighting by a toxic friend, harassment involving police, disordered eating)

please don't tag my post. proof of situation provided in imgur album.

i've held off on publicly asking for help beforehand, as i know there are many people in more dire circumstances right now. but i'm at a point where it's absolutely necessary.

i moved out of state to live with my partner system (we both have DID) in March of this year. we already planned to live together, but circumstances forced me to escape and go NC (no contact) with my remaining family for my safety.

i lived in my childhood home for my whole life until this year. my parents and extended family have always been abusive, but things escalated after my mom passed from Stage 4 lung cancer. my father started deteriorating after her diagnosis in 2018, and since her death in 2022, our relationship is no longer salvageable.

his alcoholism worsened significantly, resulting in multiple instances of him driving home drunk, collapsing, and almost being charged with a DUI. he hasn't hit me since i was 13, but he's acted domestically violent by slamming and hitting things whenever i've angered him. he threatened me with homelessness twice for being suicidal (once after a four day hospitalization, once after an attempted overdose), knowing full well i had no resources at the time and would've ended up on the streets. i attempted to escape last year, but my paternal aunt purposefully sabotaged it, forcing me to stay in an unsafe situation and suffer quietly. my mother's family abandoned me in 2020, and they no longer accept me (specifically for being queer/trans, disabled, and a vocal leftist), so they wouldn't help even if i wanted to resume contact.

it took over a year to move out due to my father controlling every aspect of my life with the justification of me being disabled. i tried to get his blessing for me to move in with my partner; but he refused to let me leave him, and he made it clear his disapproval of my relationship was because he didn't want me to have any autonomy outside of him.

the breaking point came after three days of nonstop verbal and emotional/mental abuse from him over an argument he started; everything culminated in him raping me while i was incapacitated. both my best friend of three years and their partner offered for me to crash at their apartment while my partner planned to get me. they also escorted me to a sexual assault center in my state to get a rape kit done.

i burned nearly every bridge in the process, as the people who could help me sided with him. but i didn't anticipate my friends to abandon me, too. they spent my last three days with them coercing me into changing my escape plan and dismissing my visible distress at how doing so would jeopardize my safety. less than 12 hours before we left, my best friend abandoned me via text, saying they'd refuse to help me if i didn't get police involved. anything i said in response resulted in gaslighting from them, mainly using therapy speak of "boundaries" and "triggers" to justify their actions. i cut contact with them after my partner told me they planned to drop me from the start (they told my partner this in a phone call while i was out) and discovering a cruel vague post they made after i last texted them. the last time i ever reached out was to send them money to get through their own situation.

since then, my partner and i have struggled financially. they're currently one write-up away from being fired, and their supervisor has always been volatile, so confronting him or going to anyone else at their job will do nothing. they've gotten help from their grandparents, but they're similarly abusive and unaccepting of them for the same reasons, so it hurts them to beg them even if they're unable to go NC right now.

i'm unable to reapply for disability, and previously lucrative sources of passive income have currently dried up. i'm waiting for orientation to be scheduled so i can start my new job, but we've financially suffered in the meantime. my account was charged off, and i only just now paid off a month's worth of PayPal debt; most of the debt came from paying off medical bills after i was injured in late April (currently contemplating pursuing legal compensation but nothing's set in stone).

i had to break NC twice for my father to help, but it's been triggering both times. i had to block his number before due to him harassing me via call/text, and he made me talk to police twice by falsely reporting me missing.

i cannot risk breaking NC again if my future job falls through or my partner loses theirs. we both had to skip meals several times within the past month to keep from buying food, so it's gotten scary already.

anything you can send helps. if you're unable to, PLEASE share this wherever you can. i also do writing commissions, so DM me to know my rates and what i'm willing to write.

ca | pp | vm

imgur album

(edit 6/18/24: created a new imgur album link; had no idea why the first one was inaccessible, but hopefully this is better formatted and contains additional context)

[sparklecarehospital]

been reflecting on my year a bit, and i was thinking about something. i think i know what the best thing i did for myself this year was.

making cometcare public. making the ask blog.

ive had this AU stirring in my brain since 2019, ever since i got really attached to doomi during the haunted arc. one reason i went so long without revealing pollarrydoomi as a ship to readers was because doom's crush wasn't public information until late 2021.

i had kept his crush a mystery for 3 years, but revealed it after a fun experience where people figured out who it was through guessing. i'm pretty sure i did a poll about it? asking people to guess who they thought it was, and uni won the vote, meaning everyone had already figured it out.

after pollarrydoomi was revealed and i started drawing art for it and people made fanart for it, i still couldn't post any of my AU art because ally wasn't public and she and howie were in the AU. in july 2022, for the comic's birthday, i revealed ally as a character to the readers. others around the time had started to notice characters i had in pfps and i ended up telling everyone i did have pollarrydoomi ship kids, but i didn't make them public.

in november 2022, i revealed eve on toyhouse. after her reveal, i would soon reveal sly as well in december 2022 on my birthday (revealing sly as a birthday present to myself is such a funny gesture now that you guys know how important he is to me). over the next few weeks i revealed cream, frosty, and marco as well. all of the main cometkids except chem.

then one day someone out there suggested that i make an ask blog for the cometcare AU. it was such a spontaneous decision, and i didn't even really know what i was gonna do with it at first. i was just kinda messing around. but when i made the blog i realized that if i wanted this AU to be experienced in complete authenticity, i couldn't make uni cis.

so i revealed uni being trans through the blog, despite the fact i'd gone so many years without ever revealing her identity. why did i do it? there's a lot of reasons. not wanting to make her a "dad" in the AU contributed, but also i felt like it wouldn't be detrimental to the story to confirm a character being trans. it also made me (and the crew in general) a lot more comfortable being able to properly refer to uni with her actual pronouns.

making the ask blog really changed me, because finally i could share this little family and comfort story i'd built in my brain with the world and make it real and make content for it and let people consume it.

but what stopped me most of all?

i've said it many times before... but i felt like it was cringey.

i felt like making an AU with 93985893844 fankids in a ridiculous complicated polycule wasn't something a Serious content creator should do, and i was really worried the reception would be negative or people would think it was stupid or something. i did NOT expect it to become as popular as it is. the blog actually has more followers than the MAIN ASK BLOG for the canon comic. it was received SO POSITIVELY and the fact it was just kind of blows me away.

it means so much to me. being able to share the most special thing in my life with people and for people to actually like it and have fun with me and want to see it, and for me to be able to not have to follow strict professionalism about spoilers and chronological storytelling, and being able to change and add in things whenever i felt like it. it's such a freeing experience.

when i was a kid, i used to make stories and OCs and i didn't take them as seriously as i do the sparklecare reboot. this kind of turned into my entire life and career kinda, so i had to take it more seriously. but making this AU honestly just makes me feel like i'm a kid again, it makes me feel like i can have fun and literally do whatever the fuck i want without worrying what people think or if it's realistic or if it makes any sense.

i know though, that some people don't like pollarrydoomi. and i know why. whether it's because of being attached to barruni (of course, they're the canon ship and main characters, i get it) or just having discomfort with the idea of shipping doom with anyone when canonically he hasn't experienced a redemption arc... i get it. i know not everyone likes it.

and that's okay! people are entitled to having their own feelings about content. i understand it. and i've come to accept that's always going to be the case with anything i do with these characters.

but i'm still going to do this for myself. i do this because it makes me happy to just have fun and not worry about being serious all the time. it feels good, especially when it's with characters that are really really important to me.

cometcare is genuinely the most special and important thing i've ever made for myself, it's such a huge piece of my identity and it makes me who i am. and being able to make this story public and share it with people and share these things that have been in my brain for so long with others means so much to me.

that's why i think it was the best thing i've done this year. it's kind of literally changed my life to be able to talk about them. it's made me happier than i've ever been making content. i'm not just making it to entertain myself alone anymore, i'm making it to entertain others like i do with other stuff. and the fact people actually like it still is unbelievable to me.

so, i guess my outlook for next year as it comes is to continue to stop taking everything so seriously. i can tell my stories however i want to. i hope others can realize they can do this too.

please make whatever you want, whenever you what, as much as you want, even if it doesn't make sense or if it's "cringe". you will be so much happier when you realize as a creator you DON'T have to take all of this so seriously. the comic still exists and people read it even if i'm doing this. You Can Do Whatever You Want And Nobody Can Ever Stop You. the only person who can stop you is yourself when you let your inhibitions get in the way of your ability to create things for yourself.

have fun! life is too short to take everything you do seriously