#2014 said i’m back bitch

[anothermansjeans]

something is truly shifting because the hunger games is trending, josh hutcherson is white boy of the month(s), 1989 (tv) is out and thriving….

[scoobydoodean]

You really just can't unsee it once you see it though, can you?

Sam starts blaming Dean for what he's going to do (work with Ruby) way back in 3.09 because Dean isn't going to be around to be Sam's mommy, which is going to force Sam's hand.

After Dean comes back, Sam actually blames Dean for him working with Ruby by saying Dean wasn't there to protect him (4.04).

Dean repeatedly begs Sam not to work with Ruby and is ignored repeatedly (3.03, 3.04, 3.09, 3.16, 4.01-4.04, 4.12-4.22).

After telling Dean to open up to him and trust him (4.08), Sam calls Dean weak and pathetic for being traumatized by hell and says Dean is holding him back and therefore deserves to be lied to because he can't be of use (4.14) Sam says it's not what he really thinks when they both know it is (and Sam repeats it to other characters in 4.16, and 4.18) and then he admits it's the truth again to Dean's face in 4.21.

Sam accuses Dean of not trusting him enough (4.21).

Bobby blows up at Dean for not supporting Sam enough and calls him a pansy after Sam strangled Dean near unconscious, and tells him family is supposed to make you miserable (4.22).

Dean tries to reach out to Sam and Zachariah and Cas actively prevent him from doing so (Cas only at first) (4.22)

Zachariah (5.01) and Cas (5.02) both tell Dean the apocalypse is his fault because Dean didn't reach Sam in time to stop him from killing Lilith.

Dean says Sam hurt him, Sam is the one Dean depended on the most and Sam hurt him in ways he can't even voice (5.01). Sam apologizes, but then in the very next episode, shoves Dean into a wall for not trusting him like Dean is crazy and irrational when Sam doesn't even trust himself (5.02).

Sam says he thinks they should go their separate ways and is shocked when Dean agrees easily. Dean says that he spends more time worrying about Sam than he does doing the job right and time apart would be good. Sam reiterates that he's sorry and Dean gently says he knows Sam is (5.02).

Cas asks Dean if he's okay even without his brother, and Dean says "Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I’ve had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I’ve had with Sam in years, and you’re not that much fun. It’s funny, you know, I’ve been so chained to my family, but now that I’m alone, hell, I’m happy." (5.03)

Sam says he wants back in. Dean objects, on the basis that he thinks they're stronger apart. Dean says they're each other's weaknesses and it's being used against them (5.04, but the weakness line is repeated from 3.03 and 3.16).

Zachariah pushes Dean into a future 2014 where Dean never met up with Sam again, and as a result, Sam said "Yes" to Lucifer, and billions of people died. All because Dean didn't want to be around Sam after being hurt and never reconnected with him (5.04).

Dean reconnects with Sam (5.04) even though he clearly doesn't want to, because the first case we see them on again, Dean struggles to trust Sam and leaves to go drink alone because he doesn't want to be around Sam (5.05).

Sam says part of the reason he went off with Ruby was to get away from Dean, because Dean is smothering. Dean is the problem in the relationship, because Sam feels inferior compared to him. Dean apologizes for being too smothering (5.05).

What does all of this tell you? Dean can't win. Dean will always be the bad guy in the family. He loves too much, or he isn't loving enough. Sam needs him and Dean wasn't there for him and so Sam went down the wrong path, but also Dean is smothering and Dean being smothering is the reason Sam went down the wrong path. Sam is not a trustworthy person, but Dean doesn't trust him enough. Sam not being trustworthy is Dean's fault. Dean doesn't deserve trust, but Sam deserves Dean's trust no matter what and not giving Sam his trust is the worst possible thing in the entire world and also again makes him smothering. The apocalypse is Dean's fault. Every single thing Sam does every single mistake he might ever make in his life is always at least partly Dean's fault and Dean's responsibility.

[rosemariiaa]

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 02, 𝘽𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙨

“Some things are better left unsaid.”

𐙚— pairing: Paige x Azzi

𐙚— synopsis: the feeling of regret

𐙚— rosie’s note: hi :), sooo don’t yell at me y’all know i’m sensitive, but yes apologies this was supposed to come out wayyy sooner but i’ve had a lot going on with my personal life i barely had time to write but luckily i finished this up! ik almost people were confused on the cliffhanger so i hope i explained it well in this chapter :) happy reading lovelies 💌

𐙚— themes: hurt/comfort, guilt, angst

enjoy!!!

march 21, 2014

The cursor blinked at me, expectant. Judging.

Her name sat on the tip of my tongue. Not the one she introduced herself with, not the nickname she had tossed at me under the swing set like it was armor. Her real name. The one she’d trusted me with just days before everything shattered.

I hovered over the keyboard. How many times had I visited this account in the past two months? More than I could count. The anonymity she clung to should have been enough to keep me from connecting the dots. But the username—UnicornPuppy35—was a clue I couldn’t ignore, not after that rainy night, not after the slippers and the shirt that practically screamed it.

Azzi.

The realization should have made me stop, made me put down my phone and walk away. She didn’t know it was me. She didn’t know I was the one lurking, soaking up every word she wrote, piecing together her sadness, her anger, her loneliness. And she couldn’t find out—not like this.

If she did… God, if she ever found out, I wasn’t sure what would happen. She’d hate me more than she already did, and I couldn’t stand to see that look on her face again.

I leaned back in my chair, running a hand over my face. The memory of her tears still burned, sharp as glass.

flashback ⤑ february 13, 2013

The rain came down hard that night, the kind of downpour that soaked through your skin and left you raw.

I didn’t know why I left the house. Maybe it was the yelling, or maybe it was the silence that followed. Either way, I ended up at the park. The swings creaked under the weight of the wind, and the only other person there was huddled on one, head bowed as rain dripped from her curls and onto her bright pink unicorn shirt.

I almost walked away. She looked like she wanted to be alone, and honestly, so did I. But something stopped me—a tilt of her head, maybe, or the way her shoulders shuddered even as she sat still.

“Hey,” I said, stepping closer. The ground squelched under my shoes.

She looked up, startled. Her eyes, wide and brown, met my baby blues for half a second before darting away. “What do you want?”

I hesitated, shrugging. “Nothing. Just… didn’t think anyone else would be out here.”

Her laugh was bitter, like she didn’t believe me. She didn’t say anything else, just looked back down at her feet, the tips of her sneakers brushing the muddy ground.

I should’ve walked away. Instead, I sat on the swing next to her.

Over the next two weeks, those nights at the park became a ritual. When the lights in our houses went out, we met under the cover of darkness, sharing pieces of ourselves with kind of fully unraveling almost everything.

She told me about the girl at school—the one who dunked her head in the toilet and called her the f-slur. Her voice cracked when she said it, and my chest ached with something I didn’t quite understand.

“She’s just a bitch,” I said, reaching out without thinking. My hand landed on her shoulder, the fabric of her hoodie rough and wet under my palm. “You didn’t deserve that.”

She didn’t pull away, but she didn’t look at me either. “It’s not just her,” she muttered. “It’s… everyone.”

The night Azzi told me about the girl at school, something in her broke. Her voice cracked, a sharp edge slicing through the usual monotone she used when talking about her day.

“I didn’t even do anything,” she said, hugging her knees to her chest. Her breath came out in shivers, her curls dripping rainwater down her back. “She just—she said I was looking at her skirt, and the next thing I know, I’m—”

Her voice wavered, and she stopped. She didn’t have to finish. I could picture it: the cold porcelain, the laughter, the humiliation.

“She has to be insecure or something,” I said quickly, fumbling for the right words. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Azzi. She’s just taking her misery out on you.”

Azzi didn’t look convinced. Her lip trembled, and she pressed her face into her knees, hiding the tears I knew were falling.

I sat there, helpless. I wasn’t good at this—comforting people, saying the right thing. But I didn’t want her to feel alone.

“You wanna egg her house?” I joked, my voice soft. ��Or, I don’t know, slash her parents tires?”

She huffed a wet laugh, the sound muffled by her hoodie. “She’d probably call the cops.”

“She’s a snitch, too?” I gasped dramatically, hoping to coax another laugh out of her. “That’s it. We’re definitely egging her house.”

Azzi peeked up at me, her eyes red and puffy but lighter somehow. “You’re stupid,” she said, but there was a ghost of a smile on her face.

——-

A few nights later, that’s when things fell apart.

I was at the park first, waiting for Azzi, when a group of girls from my neighborhood showed up. I didn’t know them well, but they were loud and funny in that kind of way that made you want to laugh along just to fit in.

We were sitting on the picnic table, their chatter filling the silence, when one of them asked, “Hey, Paige, why do you always hang out with that girl?”

I blinked, caught off guard. “Who?”

“You know, that Azzi girl,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Nobody hangs out with her.”

My stomach twisted. “Why not?”

The girl snorted. “Her mom’s, like, weird. Always with a new boyfriend or whatever. It’s embarrassing. She’s just a weirdo and looks weird.”

My jaw tightened. Before I could respond, another girl chimed in, laughing. “And her hair! It’s like, doesn’t she know what a brush is?”

The table erupted in laughter, but I couldn’t bring myself to join in. I glanced at the path leading to the swings, my heart sinking.

“Paige,” a voice said behind me.

I froze.

Azzi stood there, her face pale and her eyes glassy with unshed tears. Her mouth opened, then closed, and she shook her head, stepping back as if I’d physically struck her.

“Azzi, wait—” I started, scrambling off the table, but she was already turning away.

“Don’t,” she said quietly, her voice trembling. “Just… don’t.”

I ran after her, catching her arm as she reached the edge of the park. “Azzi, I wasn’t—”

“Wasn’t what?” she snapped, whirling around. Her eyes were brimming with tears, her voice rising in anger. “Wasn’t laughing at me? Wasn’t sitting there while they trashed me?”

“I didn’t say anything!” I protested, my chest tight.

“That’s the problem!” she shouted, her voice breaking. “You just sat there, Paige. You didn’t even try to stop them, you let them say those things.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but the words stuck in my throat.

“Forget it,” she muttered, yanking her arm free. She wiped at her face angrily, her curls sticking to her cheeks. “I should’ve known better.”

“Azzi, come on,” I pleaded, my voice softer now. “It’s not like that—”

“What’s it like, then?” she asked, her eyes narrowing. “Because from where I’m standing, it’s pretty clear. I just don’t understand after all those nights I cried to you P.. how could you?”

She didn’t wait for an answer. By the time I found the words, she was already gone.

present day 2014

It’s been weeks since Azzi and I started talking online, just the two of us, anonymously. We’ve gotten comfortable—well, as comfortable as we can with the fake names and hidden identities. I try not to think about the lies I’m keeping from her, but I know deep down it’s the only way I can stay connected to her. She has to trust me, or she’ll leave. And I can’t handle that. Not again.

It’s the last day of school, and I’m practically buzzing with excitement as I head to the bus. I can’t wait to get home, and send Azzi a message—anything really. I don’t care if it’s about her puppy or the weather or something ridiculous. I just want to talk to her.

I find a seat on the bus and pull out my phone. As the bus rumbles on, I open up Blogspot. I scroll through the messages Azzi and I exchanged earlier, just before school started. I can’t help but laugh at the part where she told me her dog, Stewie, peed in her shoe. That image—her tiny, brown wiener dog peeing in her brand new sneakers—was so perfectly her. Her humor, her frustration, her charm.

I giggle, but then it hits me. The guilt. It crashes over me, sudden and sharp, like a wave I didn’t see coming. My thumb freezes over the screen, hovering over the keyboard. I look at the conversation, at the funny banter we shared this morning, and my chest tightens. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve her.

If she knew who I really was, if she knew the truth about why I was pretending to be someone else… she would never look at me the same way again. She’d leave me. She would never trust me again.

I feel the tightness in my chest grow, and I look out the window, trying to distract myself. But it’s no use. The guilt is like a weight on my shoulders, pressing down harder the longer I sit with it. Every word I’ve typed to Azzi, every moment I’ve shared with her—it’s all a lie. And I hate myself for it.

But I can’t stop. I can’t let her go again. It pained me the first time…it won’t happen again.

I stare at the phone in my hand, biting my lip. What if she finds out? What if she figures it out before I can come clean?

What if? What if? What if?

The thought is too much. I set the phone down on my lap, staring out the window, hoping the weight in my chest will ease.

A few minutes later, my phone vibrates in my lap. A new message.

unicornpuppy35: p, i just got home and stewie’s tryna eat my shoelace again. i swear this dog’s scheming.

I smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. My thumb hovers over the screen again. I want to reply, want to send something funny, something comforting, but all I can think about is how this isn’t real. None of it is real.

boogers_p: obviously. stewie’s prolly like, “shoelaces are phase one. world domination’s next.”

unicornpuppy35: no fr, this little dude really thinks he runs the place.

boogers_p: i mean… does he not? u literally pay rent in shoelaces and snacks.

unicornpuppy35: and socks. don’t forget the socks. he got one of mine this morning smh.

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh too loud as I typed back.

boogers_p: rip to the sock. gone but not forgotten.

The typing bubble popped up and disappeared a few times before finally settling on:

unicornpuppy35: ur so ridiculous, p. u know that?

boogers_p: i’ve heard rumors.

I paused, smirking at the screen. Then, a thought hit me, and her fingers flew over the keyboard.

boogers_p: ok, real question. what’s stewie short for? or did u just look at him and go, “yup, that’s a stewie”?

There was a pause before Azzi’s response came through.

unicornpuppy35: named him after breanna stewart.

I blinked at the screen, my smile softening. Of course she did.

boogers_p: oh damn, respect. stewie’s a legend fr but no surprise you chose her.

unicornpuppy35: p, language. and duhh, hence the name.

boogers_p: my bad my bad, but u really said, “lemme name my dog after greatness.” iconic move, puppy.

I knew the nickname would get to her. It always did. The reply came fast.

unicornpuppy35: stop calling me that!!!

boogers_p: nah. it fits too good. also, it’s cute. like u.

Shit. There was a long pause before I saw the typing bubble flicker again.

unicornpuppy35: u really know how to get on my nerves, huh?

boogers_p: talent, tbh.

Azzi’s response came slower this time:

unicornpuppy35: sometimes i wonder why i even talk to u.

Paige snorted, her thumbs moving fast.

boogers_p: cuz i’m funny. and charming. and u lowkey love me. just admit it.

The reply took a moment.

unicornpuppy35: …maybe stewie loves u. that’s as close as ur getting.

I barked out a laugh, the sound drawing a curious glance from the kid across the aisle.

boogers_p: i’ll take it. tell stewie i’m his #1 fan.

unicornpuppy35: he’ll probably steal another shoelace to celebrate.

boogers_p: a king. truly.

I stared at the screen for a second longer, my chest feeling warm and tight in a way I couldn’t even describe.

unicornpuppy35: u good, peanut? u seem kinda off lately.

My fingers hesitated over the keyboard, my mouth forming into a small smile at my nickname. Azzi always asked. I didn’t know how she managed to carry so much and still notice the little things about me. God.

boogers_p: yeah, i’m straight. just tired, you know?

unicornpuppy35: don’t let it get to u p. me and stewie got ur back.

Paige swallowed the lump in her throat, her reply coming slower this time.

boogers_p: thanks, puppy. u and stewie the real mvps fr.

Pup- I mean Azzi’s reply was just a string of eye-roll emojis, but I could picture the grin on her face. I wish I could just see it for myself.

boogers_p: love u too.

So much.

I send the message, knowing I can’t keep lying forever. But for now, I’ll hold on.

——-

Paige walked into her room, shutting the door with a quiet click, as if any louder might let her thoughts escape into the world. Tossing her bag into the corner, she kicked off her shoes and peeled off her clothes, leaving a trail toward the bathroom. The hot water scalded her pale skin, but she barely noticed, the familiar ache in her chest louder than the pounding spray.

When she came out, dressed in an oversized T-shirt, her damp hair sticking to her neck, she flopped onto her bed. She should sleep. She needed sleep. But instead, her hand reached for the scrapbook tucked under her nightstand.

Opening it, her heart clenched as she stared at the first photo—Azzi on the swing set, caught mid-laugh, her curls bouncing wildly as she leaned over, her dimple deepening with every giggle. Paige could still hear the sound of it, bright and free, almost as if Azzi were right there in the room with her.

The second photo wasn’t much better. Her and Azzi at the diner for her 15th birthday, Azzi’s arm slung around hers like it belonged there. Paige could almost feel the ghost of Azzi’s touch, the warmth of her hand on her arm, the way Azzi’s voice would soften when she scolded her for cussing too much.

She flipped the page closed before she started crying again. It didn’t help.

Her fingers brush over the closed scrapbook, tracing its edges. She knows it’s pathetic to feel this way, to let herself get so tangled up in someone who probably doesn’t even think about her anymore. It’s dumb, she knows that. But it doesn’t change the way her heart clenches at the thought of Azzi laughing somewhere else, with someone else, as if Paige never mattered.

Because the truth is, she’s never felt this way about anyone before. Not like this. Not about their friendship, or whatever it used to be. Friendship doesn’t even seem like the right word anymore. It feels too small, too simple for something that made her feel whole in a way nothing else ever has.

Will you miss me, Azzi? Paige swallows hard, her jaw tightening as tears blur her vision again. Will you miss what we had? Because I do. I miss you so much it hurts. It fucking hurts.

Her voice dropped to a whisper, her eyes closing as the words spilled from her heart. God I think I’d miss you even if we never met.

Paige dragged a hand over her face, trying to will the tears back, but they came anyway, hot and relentless. She clutched the scrapbook tighter to her chest. I miss you. Every day. Every second of every day. I miss you so much it’s pathetic.

She let out a shaky laugh that turned into a sob halfway through. “It’s so dumb,” she muttered, shaking her head. But no matter how many times she said it, it didn’t make it any less true. It’s the realest thing she’s ever felt.

Because no one had ever made her feel like Azzi did. Not before, not since. She wasn’t sure anyone ever would.

She wipes at her face, but the tears won’t stop. Because no matter how much she misses Azzi, Paige knows it’s her fault she’s gone. She clings to the scrapbook, the pictures inside the only pieces of Azzi she has left. And as much as it hurts, she knows she deserves this. Every ache, every tear, every lonely second.

Because she let her go. And that’s something she can never take back.

——-

Azzi sat quietly in the backseat, her hands clammy as she rubbed them over her shorts, trying to calm the nerves that had been with her all morning. Her brothers had hyped her up about making the team, calling her the coach’s “princess,” but it didn’t help. She was still terrified. What if she didn’t make it? What if she wasn’t good enough?

She whispered to Stewie, who was in her lap, his small body a source of comfort. “What if I don’t make the team, huh? I know it’s stupid, but it keeps running through my mind… what if I mess up?”

Her mom glanced back at her from the front seat, a soft smile on her face. “You’ll do fine, Azzi. You always do.”

But Azzi couldn’t shake the unease, the thoughts spinning in her head as the car pulled into the gym parking lot. Her stomach twisted into knots, and her heart raced in anticipation. They arrived early, her mom wanting to meet the coaches first, so Azzi was the first one there.

She stepped out of the car, still trying to calm her breathing. As her mom led her inside, Azzi forced herself to smile and greet the coaches, though her mind was a hundred miles away. She excused herself once the introductions were made, eager to find the locker room and settle in before tryouts started.

The gym was empty when she walked in, the silence amplifying her every step. She meandered down the hall, her fingers grazing the walls as she took in the pictures of past players, their smiles frozen in time. She felt her nerves rise again, the pressure of what was to come weighing on her.

But as she rounded a corner, her body collided with something—or rather, someone.

“Sorry!” Azzi blurted, quickly stepping back. But when she looked up, her breath caught. There, standing in front of her, was Paige. She froze, heart pounding in her chest. Her mind screamed for her to move, to say something, anything, but her body just wouldn’t cooperate.

Paige stood there too, her mouth slightly open in disbelief, her eyes wide. The silence stretched between them, thick and heavy. Then, almost as if the world had shifted, Paige finally spoke her name.

“Azzi?” she whispered.

Azzi’s stomach churned, but she couldn’t stop staring at her. How? How could she be here? How had she found her, of all places? This wasn’t supposed to happen, not here, not now. Not ever.

But Paige was looking at her like she hadn’t missed a beat, like the time apart hadn’t meant anything. Azzi could see the recognition in her eyes, the same as she felt in her chest.

It was instant. Her face was older now, sharper, but it was still her. Those blue eyes. The way she stood. Even the slight tilt of her head when she was unsure of herself. Azzi hadn’t expected it to hit her this hard.

A year ago, she swore she’d move on. Swore that she’d forget what Paige meant to her. But now, standing here, all she felt was the sharp twist of memory and the burn of anger.

How could she not recognize her? Paige had been the first person to make her feel seen, to make her feel like she mattered. But she had also been the first person to hurt her more than anyone else had. Azzi couldn’t forget that. Not the way she laughed with her, not the way she’d come after her with apologies she could never quite believe.

Azzi had convinced herself she was past it. Past Paige. But now, here she was, staring at her as if nothing had changed. It was too much, too fast. Does she really think I’ve forgotten?

Paige stepped forward, her movements tentative, unsure. Azzi almost wanted to take a step back, to run, but she couldn’t move. She stood there, feeling the weight of everything that had happened between them pressing in on her.

“Azzi,” Paige said softly, her voice almost hesitant.

Azzi blinked, her heart racing. She forced herself to act like she didn’t know her, even though everything inside her screamed that she did. “Sorry,” Azzi said, her voice steady despite the tightness in her chest. “Do I know you?”

——-

rosie’s note: well..yeah!

taglist ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

@thaatdigitaldiary @sierrale8ne @ohbueckers @imaginespazzi @pazzilover101 @makethemhoesmad @pboogerswbb @kmoneymartini @mrsarnold @absolutelydreadful @authentic-girl03 @melpthatsme @ashortyluvsports

[oceansprompts]

text message prompts

[text] You okay?

[text] GO TO BED!

[text] hey you better be alive in there

[text] SOS save me please holy shit

[text] call me this date is going so bad

[text] I have way too much shit to do.

[text] Honestly I'm really worried about you.

[text] Why are you trending on Twitter?

[text] Please let me come over and pet your (pet).

[text] We are in the same building, you could come talk to me.

[text] It's not going to work out.

[text] This is a terrible idea.

[text] people have fetishes

[text] They really do crucify anyone these days huh

[text] I don't know why but that really means me want to stab you

[text] That movie was awful.

[text] For the love of god please help me

[text] I fucked up. I fucked up really bad.

[text] I'm blocking you.

[text] YOU ONE BRAINCELLED BITCH

[text] I regret swiping right.

[text] Everyone lies on their dating profiles.

[text] That absolutely can't be an actual picture of you.

[text] This forced open my third eye and I saw the devil

[text] I'm like a child in line for the newest fucked up disney ride

-

[text] That's just all fucking sorts of fucked up

[text] Why are we here? To suffer? Every other day I get messages that cause pain

[text] In the department of old man fucking, we've got you beat.

[text] have you gotten any work done?

[text] I am beyond shame, try again

[text] You left your left your underwear at my place.

[text] Don't you dare put this on Facebook.

[text] My brother in Christ you're being haunted

[text] I want to wring you like a wet towel and slap you against a wall

[text] The mind is weak but the body is funky

[text] I'm a zombie the law can't stop me.

[text] Jealous of my massive honkers

[text] We left you to die to play minecraft

[text] She would never ever take away one of these stupid fucking hats

[text] I puked all over the Uber driver's backseat.

[text] I just took a screenshot of that and posted it to Reddit

[text] You said you'd be right back and it's been months.

[text] Can't we talk about this face to face?

[text] Yeah, you'll come learn I just have a thing for milk

[text] Why did you like one of my pics from 2014?

[text] Now's as good a time as any to exchange nudes.

[text] Why would you send me an eggplant emoji?

[text] I write five paragraphs, pouring my heart out, and all you reply with is k?!

[text] Who would dare to lie on the internet?

[text] When I die, please delete all my shit off the internet

[text] He's so hot, I briefly started texting like a straight person

[text] And because I'm god and I've decided that; no, in fact, I'm not done.

-

[text] I know you love bloopy reggae jams, now is not the time.

[text] You better not be standing catatonic in your room again.

[text] God has abandoned his children but unfortunately for you I pay child support and I will smite thee.

[text]: My neighbor just told me he can fix my water heater for 50 bucks. I’m skeptical.

[text]: Do you have any idea how much it costs to buy apples? I paid 10 dollars for 6.

[text]: I mean, I wouldn’t say I have a problem with buying Squishmallows..

[text]: Hey, so you know how you told me no dog? *sends pic* I don’t do well with no’s.

[text] Stuart Little is a bitch and Remy could take him any day.

[text]: My roommate just said that Lola Bunny is hot. I’m moving out.

[text]: Hey I posted that vid of you drunk, singing Ariana Grande, wearing all black and people said not to do it again. Sorry.

[text]: Do you think the price is ever right? Like, I feel like it’s not.

[text]: I booped your nose. Boop the last five people you texted or–nothing happens really.

[text]: I’m actually in the ER and it’s a long story that involves Best Day Ever from spongebob.

[text]: I fucking hate you–wait you’re not my ex. Who are you?

[text]: You ever ask yourself if birds see a bee and just go ‘wow a bee’? im high.

[text]: sometimes all i think about is–sour patch kids. bet you thought it was you.

[text]: I love you—not as much as I love my dog. But still a lot!

[text]: I found a cat on the way home and now it’s mine. But it hates my guts so this should be fun.

[text]: I have questions about the marvel cinematic universe…how long do you have?

[text]: why do donald duck and winnie the pooh not have to wear pants but other people do?

[text]: Hey you know that show floor is lava? I may have turned the apartment into that..this isn’t a joke, btw. the floor is sticky.

[text]: I bought too much soap off etsy and now I don’t know what to do with it…I smell like Captain America.

[text]: On a scale of one to ten, how many drinks would you need to sleep with me? This isn’t a tiktok trend…or it is.

[billskeis]

can you do smut with 2014 or 2015 Bill

ᡣ𐭩 bill's faux fur coat

bill and the rest of tokio hotel were filming a new music video, they were back for a new era and you were for sure they were gonna kill it! the five of you were chilling in the dressing room, prepping and looking for outfits to wear at the shooting.

“how’s this jacket meine liebe?” bill asks.

bill pulls out a long faux fur coat, the pattern on it adorned that of a cheetah. or maybe a snow leopard? who knows. your eyes widened at how amazing such a piece was on its own.

over the course of the years you and bill have been together, his style has changed quite a bit, more frequently.

bill has been able to explore a more ambiguous type of wear that he’s always dreamt of, since society is now more open and welcoming in comparison to the past.

“i love it!” you exclaim clapping your hands together, bill does a twirl for you as you giggle admiring your boyfriend, “touch the jacket y/n! it’s soo soft,” “oh wow, it feels almost real,” “you know i would NEVER get real fur though,” “i know i know, you’re such a sweetie bill,” “you know i am,” bill smirks at you.

while going into the shoot, your eyes were glued onto bill. who while wearing the jacket, wore nothing underneath it. pants, obviously, but he has no top on.

this reveals the multiple tattoos he curated over the years, your personal favourite was his chest piece, he got that tattoo twinning with tom whose tattoo was the same above his elbow.

not only did it show his tattoos, but his one nipple piercing that you swore you hated but it seemed to have grown on you.

not to mention, bill wore low rise jeans that revealed a section of his happy trail, which, bitch..

had you drooling.

“i want it,” you said out of the blue, “h-huh?” one of the managers replied to your strange comment, “the jacket. i want it after the shoot, can i have it?” you plead looking straight into the stylist’s eyes who dart a confused look at the manager, “i don’t see why not, we won’t need it after this,” you smile brightly at this, “oh thankyouthankyou!!”

bill came running backstage after the filming was finished and brought you into a hug off your feet, spinning you around, “babybaby how was i!?” “just perfect bill! but take this jacket off—i’m going home by the way,”

bill pouts as he begins removing the clothing garment, handing it to you. you put the jacket on immediately and snuggle into it.

“so soon?” he questions giving you his puppy dog eyes, you usually couldn’t resist but it was for his own good, “uhhh yeah! i gotta’ start dinner, see you?” “awww okay baby but i expect my favourite!” he places a kiss on your cheek as he walks away for another outfit change.

it’ll be his favourite alright.

8:36pm

filming done schatzi! coming home rn

8:37pm

okkk :)

8:45pm

u don’t sound 2 happy D:

8:51pm

nonsense billy! just cookin.. come home quicker ;)

9:01pm

omw asap <3

the sound of keys turning can be heard through the apartment hallway of which you shared with bill. as the door turned open bill closed it behind him and turned to where his eyes met something, or rather someone filling the usually empty hallway.

there you stood, in the jacket. in the jacket that he wore during the shoot. what was under the jacket?

nothing, the only thing you wore was your panties, each jacket flap covering both your tits, only middle cleavage showing.

“y-y/n! what’re you doing baby someone could see you..” you giggle as bill ushers you further away from the front door despite it already being closed.

his attempts to close the jacket in front of you proves useless as you pry his hands and arms away from your body, twirling in all your glory as the jacket flies from the gust of wind you create exposing your body momentarily.

“meine liebe.. you’re driving me nuts.. what’s for dinner?”

“me.”

“s’much bill! you’re being too rough!” “yea? well, you’re being such a fucking brat.. s’not what you wanted?? didn’t wanna be under me and have this pussy fucked??” bill pistons his hips into yours, abdomen constantly teasing your clit every time he brought his body closer to yours.

it’s the second time you came. before this, he played and teased with your tits, nipples puffy, definitely way more sensitive than before and heavy dark hickeys left all over the surface area.

bringing his lips to yours, bill kisses you deeply. the kiss was filled with sex, he’s rough and not sweet, sucking on your bottom lip which was for sure going to be a little swollen after. you run your tongue over his two lip piercings and he scoffs.

“still wanna continue your antiques huh?” bill lifts up one of your legs for better leverage and fucks closer to your cervix, “o-oww.. bill,” “oh please, i warned you beforehand but you want things your way. such a whore for me huh..”

he drags his length in and out of your cunt, nice and slow, but his thrusts are hard, and unexpected. still keeping a rhythm, he thrusts, edging himself slightly so he can pump you with more of his load.

“gonna come, come with me baby..” he now brings his other hand to leave circles on your clit while his latter still straddles your leg, “oh fuuuck bill!”

you convulse as electricity pulses through your body, third time coming. the pressure being too much as your squirt sprays a bit of bill’s pelvis while he fucks you through your orgasm, “shit!”

feeling how you clench around bill, he can’t help but come right after you, fucking his cum deep into you as it shoots within your cervix.

he takes himself out of you and watches how his cum ribbons out your cunt, giving it a little slap, “a-ah!” “get up schatzi, not done with you..”

with the little strength you have left in your body, you sat upright against the headboard. bill, a little higher than you inches his hips closed to your mouth, dick still stiff.

he uses his hand to guide the tip of his head to your mouth, rubbing it side to side on your bottom lip, “open,” he demands and you widen your mouth cavity to welcome in his length.

he glides his dick in and out your throat, mouth agape to let out such whorish moans. you mentally question whether it’s you the whore or bill.

you ensure your tongue remains still against the bottom of your mouth to lick clean bill’s shaft. tasting bitter, you take in a mixture of your’s and bill’s cum.

“fuck y/n.. you do so well f’me, love you so much, stick your tongue out more yea?” and that you do, as he places his tip onto your tongue, you jerk the rest of his shaft to a rhythm he particularly likes.

as you can feel him shake and see his hips jerk slightly under your touch, bill can’t help but moan “u-ugh fuck, coming..!” whimpering, bill shoots ropes of come onto your tongue, thick, and surprisingly a lot.

riding out his high, he finishes, breathing heavy. you close your mouth to ingest all of bill, sticking out your tongue to your boyfriend who smiles down at you proudly. he brings himself a little bit lower to wipe the sweat off your forehead and gives you a quick peck.

“thank you baby, so proud of you,” “mm, now what’re we going to do about the jacket..?” you both look at each other and the state of how the jacket was left in.

matted, dirty, definitely stained or soaking in.. well god knows what, you guys only had it for one day yet it was already fucking ruined.

“let’s see what time dry-cleaning opens tomorrow.”

[mirrorball-leclerc]

paint the town red - bonus part

series masterlist

EPISODE 10 - AN UNEXPECTED PURCHASE

charles stands with max, before their final press conference of the season, when lance approaches them. he greets both of them before turning to charles, "what happened? twitter is losing it's mind."

charles laughs, max also looks visibly confused, "oh mate, the craziest thing happened."

"STARK!" lando is heard shouting before he appears in the camera's view. he crashes into charles, gripping his shoulders, "TONY FUCKING STARK JUST BOUGHT THE TEAM?"

"what?" max questioned, "who bought what team? and what are you doing here, you're supposed to be in the media pen?"

"TONY STARK JUST BOUGHT FERRARI MAX!"

"oh," lance said, "that's why twitter is losing it."

"losing it?" lando questioned, "twitter is in shambles lance. it's not everyday a fucking avenger buys an f1 team."

"correct me if i'm wrong," daniel says, approaching the group, "but didn't tony stark get attacked at the monaco grand prix ages ago?

"you should ask fernando about that," charles told lance. the canadian looked confused before realization hit him, "right, fernando's been driving as long as oscar's been alive."

"we are completely and utterly fucked if tony stark just bought ferrari. you think the red bull dominance was bad, ferrari is about to completely annihilate us," lando complained.

daniel laughed, "well, i'm sure you guys will enjoy fighting for that p3. my tractor and i will enjoy fighting for points."

will buxton sits in front of the camera, "there's not many times when the world of formula one falls silent. in 1994, it fell silent to mourn the death of ayrton senna, then again in 2014 to mourn jules bianchi. zhou's nearly fatal crash and romain's near death experience rendered it silent for a moment before it all went back to normal. but this, this is one of those moments where it all falls silent before exploding. no one saw this coming, that's how unexpected this was. we never thought we'd hear the news that a billionaire had purchased the oldest standing team in formula one. let alone an avenger."

we now see christian horner in front of the camera, “i think i’m more so upset about the fact that ferrari will now be able to steal the championship from us. if there’s one thing i know about tony stark is that he is one competitive son of a bitch. there will be no more half-assed pit stops and strategies from ferrari, that you can count on. and with his daughter as one of the race engineers and a lead engineer, that car is going to be a rocket ship. it just means the rest of us will have up our game.”

toto wolff sits in front of the camera, replacing christian horner, “this is not the first time someone has purchased a formula one team. i do not know why they are acting like this is a first. yes, ferrari will be difficult to beat next year. they will know what they are doing, but we will not give up without a fight. next year will be an interesting year for us all.”

in front of the camera now sits tony stark, his signature blue tinted glasses sit on his face. he smiles at someone off camera, before turning to the producer, "need me to take off the glasses?"

"if you would," the producer answered, "name and title please."

tony looks at the camera, "my name is tony stark and i am the new owner of scuderia ferrari's formula one team. oh! and i am iron man!"

"mr. stark, what led you to purchase the team?"

tony clears his throat, "my mother was italian and a big tifosi, she bled rosso corsa proudly. she never got the opportunity to see michael schumacher lead the team to the greatness he did. i kept up with the team in her memory, and in recent years the team hadn't been performing as well as a fan would've liked. i knew the current drivers, charles and carlos, were championship material. that much was obvious to me when sainz became the only non red bull driver to win a race in the 2023 season. for leclerc, well, there's a reason they call him il predestinato right? he won monza his maiden year with ferrari, that alone put him into the tifosi's good books. speaking of, i knew they were furious and after austin, i knew something had to be done. and if nobody else was going to do it, i was, so i bought the team."

"how confident are you that you can restore ferrari's old glory?"

"i trust my drivers and i trust my team, i think that says enough."

in front of the camera now sits an old face. sebastian vettel smiles brightly at the producer. the last time they had seen him he was in a green shirt and he looked tired, but the time away did him some good. he's happier now and back in ferrari red, back where he had started when the show first began.

"did you ever think you'd be back here?" the producer asked him. sebastian smiled, "honestly, no. i had left this all behind and i told myself i was never going to return to this sport. but when an opportunity like this comes around, you don't say no."

"are you happy with this new position or would prefer to be back in the car?"

"i'm happy with my job now."

“do you think you can help restore ferrari to its old glory?”

“yes,” sebastian quickly answers, “in the past ferrari had been stuck dwelling too much on its history. being stuck in the past for so long leads to no results. it leads to people demanding your first driver leave the team after constantly getting screwed over. we want the championship back in maranello and we will take it back. next year ferrari will put up one hell of a fight.”

“you’ve got a great team mr. vettel.”

“i know, i don’t plan on wasting it.”

charles smiles brightly at the camera, “hello.”

“hi charles,” the producer replies, “do you mind telling us what your first thought were when you heard the team had been bought? how did you find out?”

“i found out on twitter along with everyone else,” charles replied, “my first reaction was to text carlos to see if he knew, he was just as shocked as i was. no one had informed us the team had been bought much less who it had been bought by.”

“and how did you find out the team had been bought by tony stark?”

“when there was an emergency meeting called at maranello right before abu ahabi. carlos and i walked in to the factory and it felt like a different environment, people were excited and whispering to each other. you can imagine our surprise when we walked in to that meeting to see seb sitting with tony stark of all people.”

“i imagine it was a big shock?”

“yes,” charles answered, “mr. stark explained to us what he had done and told us that we should be expecting a whole new team when we arrived back from the final race of the season. it is exciting to know that things are changing.”

"is change a good thing?"

"in this case, it is. things needed to change if ferrari wants to be a championship contender once again. and this will be good for my friendship with carlos."

"are things strained between you two?"

"the truth? yes," charles replied, "it is difficult to go online and see people saying that you don't deserve your seat or that your teammate is better simply because he won a race when you haven't been able to do that this season. it places a sort of- tension? is that the word?" he looks at someone off camera, the person must nod because he turns to face the camera again, "carlos and i are good drivers, there is a reason we are formula one drivers. but the team, it has- it pit us against each other, that was what strained our friendship."

"what are your wishes for this upcoming season?"

"to win the championship." charles laughs.

carlos looks at someone off camera, nodding at whatever they're saying, before turning to look at the producer, "hello," carlos greeted.

"hello carlos," the producer greeted, "can you tell us what your initial reaction was to learning the team had been bought?"

"i was shocked, i did not think it was possible for someone to buy the team, it's ferrari. but i also felt a bit relieved? i hope maybe things will change and we can have a decent shot at the championship."

"relieved? i don't think i've heard that one yet."

carlos chuckled, "my friendship with charles was strained after this season. i hope that with mr. stark as an owner we are able to put aside our work and our friendship to achieve the goal we have in common. to bring the championship back to ferrari."

"is it difficult to separate work and life off the track?"

"sometimes, yes. after singapore was when our friendship truly hit rock bottom. i think it was difficult for us to accept that only one of us was the 1st driver. everyone knows that it's charles, it has been since 2021, but i think after a while it was difficult for me to accept that. he's- charles is loved by the tifosi, he's loved by everyone because he's charles leclerc. sometimes it is difficult to be his teammate knowing people will always see me as second best."

"i see."

"i love the kid, trust me, i do. i value his friendship very much, but sometimes it is difficult. with stark as the owner, and sebastian as the new team principal, i am hoping things will change. even if charles is still first driver, i hope i am not treated as second best by my own team. sometimes change is good, this time i think it is."

"what are your wishes for this upcoming season?"

"to win the championship." carlos answers.

will buxton is in front of the camera once again, "it will certainly be entertaining to see what ferrari manage to do next season. the lingering question that remains is, will the starks live up to the hype surrounding this purchase? i guess we'll just have to wait and see."

series taglist: @celesteblack08 @be-your-coffee-pot @evans-dejong @elliegrey2803 @bingewatche @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @lorarri @melanier7 @ironspdy @mypage-myfandoms @vellicora @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @enchantedthoughts @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @fulla02 @cowboylikemets1989 @six-call @embrosegraves @justtprachisblog @bionic-donut @rmeddar123 @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi @raizelchrysanderoctavius @burningcupcakefire @spilled-coffee-cup @jamie-selwyn @cool-ultra-nerd @kami10471633 @int3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @skynel09 @arieltwvdtohamflash @mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @chiliwhore @tygecjjd @nothaqks @nataliambc @formulaa1d @prongsvault @kaa212 @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! once again, merry christmas to those of you celebrate and a very wonderfully normal day to those of you who don't. either way, my gift to you is this bonus episode for paint the town red, i hope you enjoyed it. it is a pain figuring out how to write netflix style, it's over 1.7k words, although it may not look like it.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[mockerycrow]

REV ON THE REDLINE (Roommate!Gaz x GN!Reader)

roommate!gaz masterlist — gaz picture credit/source

summary; the first time you were in the car with Kyle was a memorable one. — Kyle is 17/18 in this fic, so the year range is 2011-2014. — 708 words

[WARNINGS; slight heartache, good memories, missing gaz hours.]

WHEN YOU would mention coming to visit Kyle, he absolutely demanded that he would take you on drives with him; in his words, it was a “necessity”. You always laughed—you knew he had a car, worked real hard for it himself and you knew he was proud of it, as this car was his first big purchase. You didn’t see any pictures of the car during your conversations as Kyle claimed you needed to see “the beauty in person”. You imagined yourself pushing the side of his head annoyedly from his stubbornness, making you laugh a bit harder than usual.

What you did not expect is when he came to pick you up from the airport, he arrived in a shiny red convertible. A “2004 Cadillac XLR” is what Kyle said. The interior was well taken care of, the seats were nice and you admit the area surrounding the gear knob being wood was an.. Interesting choice—Kyle told you to take that back, being possessive of his car—but he helped you put his bags in the trunk, and told you to hop in with his classic grin you’ve never gotten sick of.

“Better buckle up, love.” Kyle smirked whilst he clicked in his own seatbelt and adjusted his overhead mirror. You made a face while trying to hold in your laugh which he looked at you and tsk’d, and he swat your arm with the back of his hand. “C’mon, let me have a bit of fun, yeah?” Kyle uttered, which caused you to laugh. You buckled yourself into the passenger’s seat and he started his car. 

He turned his headlights on as it was night time and he pulled out of the airport parking lot. You turned on the radio, but you didn’t turn it up too loud. You glanced at him a couple of times as he drove down the road with a mischievous expression; one that widened each time you looked at him. “Kyle..” You said, your voice laced with a warning tone. “What?” Kyle laughed, his thumb tapping against the steering wheel to the beat of the song that was on—it was Foxey Lady by Jimi Hendrix if you recall right—and you pursed your lips together. “I’m not doin’ anything, sweets.”

You raised an eyebrow and let out an “mhm”, where you clearly did not believe him. The wind blew against your skin as the car went down twists and turns. The car began to slow, approached a red light, pulling up beside another car. You don’t remember the car’s brand, but you do remember that Kyle pointed the car out to you. A familiar song started to play on the radio and your eyes widened when you heard Kyle’s deep chuckle, and you watched as his hand grabbed his gear knob. Your heart dropped to your stomach because he was going to do what he told you he would. 

“Kyle, I sweAR TO GOD—” You yell the light turned green, and Kyle bursted out laughing as he revved the car to the redline. What scared you worse is that the car you were next to did the exact same thing. You’re suddenly slammed into your seat as the car takes off down the long stretch of road, which caused you to swear and you desperately grabbed onto anything and everything. “Kyle, ohmygod, you son of a bitch—” You snarled out of fear as you looked in your side mirror, the other car’s headlights rapidly leaving your view. Kyle couldn’t stop laughing as his engine roared, but you were sure your heart was pounding louder than his damn car. 

This is one luxury you don’t really have anymore now that Kyle’s in the military. He’s gone all the time. Yes, he still owns that old, red convertible—but it’s in a storage unit. Your heart hurts when the familiar song plays on the radio because you know he’s across the goddamn world and isn’t with you to laugh about him scaring the everliving shit out of you.

You pull up into a gated parking lot that held storage units, singing along to the song that’s playing on your radio. “Hear my motor screamin’ while I’m tearin’ up the street..”

[bloomingstay]

favorite kpop group tag~ thank you @binniesbang!

who is your favorite kpop group?

stray kids, if that was any surprise

which member sparked your interest first?

hyunjin! i've almost always been pulled in by the dancer (lee know i know but) specifically the style of dance hyunjin excels in. the isolation is so satisfying and cool. for some reason choreo always gets a song stuck in my head??

But also!! I had heard they produced their own music and that really got me interested in kpop again

who was your first bias?

chris bang 🤍 went from zero to ult within no more than two days tbh…

what makes them your current bias?

oh god. um. i'll put this in the least embarrassing way possible. (this is a kpop tumblr blog I should probably get over it)

it was a particularly bad year. i stumbled upon their silly videos (thank you stay for the edits<3) and they made me laugh. then i started seeing clips of chans room and him interacting with the boys and just like... he's so wonderful. he's generous and kind and loving and thoughtful. just a shy lil guy who also happens to be a flirt and a fucking dork and it's cute man idk shut upp

who is your bias wrecker?

i was certain i'd never have one, i truly adore each of those boys so so much.

i was however proven wrong after a very sweet, silly compilation of binnie being ridiculous. followed by a face cam of his sclass performance in the supreme jersey?? and the curls?? he has such amazing stage presence and he's a great dancer. but he kept going from his cute sweet binnie expressions looking like he was just so into it and having fun, to the "dark rapper" eyes and commanding stage presence. and like, wow. 🖤 i am a sucker for that kind of duality.

which members are you currently obsessing over that aren't your bias/wrecker?

in another reality han is my wrecker. that boy is the epitome of what i used to look for in guys: babygirl. lol. well, and insanely talented and funny and everything. I adore him

after befriending a couple seungmin stans, i started looking for pics and clips to send them and found myself so incredibly impressed with him and touched by some of the things he's said and done. plus he’s a funny little shit.

hwang hyunjin is such a sweet boy. since we got producer jinnie on the last album i have been looking back and just so impressed with his growth 🤍

when did you first discover the group?

(Upon editing I realize I read this as ‘how’ but oh well)

okokok so

i was a kpop fan 2014-2017 and went all in. kcon and concerts the whole thing

but then i was just on my usual 6 hour yt shorts binge as i tried to fall asleep and saw skz reacting to the "your eyes" mv, specifically felix's part, obviously. i watched it like 12 times just cry laughing at han screaming, hyunjin trying to escape, channie hiding behind his hands and squealing. it was just so funny to see a group kind of clowning their own shit? i thought they were hilarious.

then i saw julien (solomita) had reacted to 'topline' and i was soooo into it. immediately went to watch some mvs and decided cool i'll be a totally normal casual fan of this group’s music….. :)

THEN a lovely lady i'd followed on my 10 year old tumblr account posted about skz. i messaged her that I’d finally decided to check them out and she was kind enough to answer questions and entertain my onslaught of messages as I screamed about how much I love these boys. and she still does everyday so. thank you hana 🌸

have you ever been to one of their concerts?

not yet~

what are some of your favorite songs by them?

THIS SECTION TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG. disclaimer: I absolutely could not include non ot8 this would’ve been 30 songs (I’m probably going to cheat)

Hall of fame. bitch ever since that live stage (which was the first time I’d heard it) I’ve listened to the sclass album 3 times a week no joke, goddamn it’s so good. so just know, i pulled almost every song from that album off this list when i made cuts

levanter. a hard pill to swallow mid relationship struggles and holds a lot of meaning for me.

secret secret. i can't get over how professional this song sounds and how it was just a few years in?

leave. where i got my username~ like I said, relationship stuff. You have not yet really bloomed When the new season comes I hope the warmth will make you bloom Into a flower that never dies

sclass. *bling bling* HIPHOPSTEP. such a fucking chaotic mess of a jam.

megaverse. the breakdown? MEGAPHONE. Han, bitch? We make the rules nobody can hold me yeaaahhh. Your body shakes - STRAY KIDS EVERYWHERE ALL AROUND THE WORLD. Sorry, flawless.

gods menu. ate, bitch. chan was something the fuck else

domino. neeed I say more

social path is bomb

grow up. read lyrics for the first time just now ow

eternity. told u I’d cheat.

love poem. big cheat my list worth it

I am going to be so mad when I realize I missed a song I listen to 7 times a day but been doin this for 2 hours so I’m calling it. Also forgive me I’m still working through the discography (backwards) and haven’t listened to the full first couple albums.

the adhd is allowing no further focus or thought so i will be tagging the same friends as my last tag post no pressure <3

@channieblossoms @skzms @roseykat @thefantasyden @seungsungracha @astraysis @channieswife

Thank you again @binniesbang for tagging me~!

[okayohay]

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the cancellations

After much time to process, here are my thoughts.

1. Shit happens.

2. For them to cancel everything for months down the road, it’s something big and I’m sure it was tough. I cannot live in a state of anger over it. I just hope they are sincerely all good.

3. I got my refunds for all shows quickly.

4. Everyone is bitching about Van. It’s his fault, he’s an addict, he’s not said anything, blah blah. Guys…other than Dave Grohl coming clean about cheating on his wife when was the last time the singer announced major news? Sure - the singer gives a statement but management is responsible for posting it, IT’S WHAT MANAGEMENT COMPANIES DO. It’s why they are hired. And we know there is no mgmt so….lets chill. Christ it’s Van we’re also talking about, he probably doesn’t even know the password for the main account. 🤣

5. In truth, no one owes us anything. Everyone complaining about how much time, money and energy they’ve invested in this band..you got your money back for tickets and if you don’t want to support them anymore, then walk away. You look kind of stupid complaining about supporting something that was your choice to like in the first place.

6. I’ll still be here as I’ve been since 2014. I’m not a fair weather CATB fan. Here for the long haul and I look forward to the future.

[blindchandelure]

The Brave Way Out: Part Two

You can read part one of this autobiographical series here. In this series, I’ll be recounting how I left my abusive family’s home in my early twenties, and became an independent adult!

TW: threats of violence, homophobic language

December 2014. Young Harris, GA.

It’s about six o clock in the morning when my mother calls. The last thing I wanted, was to start the day listening to her scream.

“Why the hell would you tell your father that you’re not coming home for Christmas?!” she demanded.

I’m determined to stand up for myself, for once in my life.

“Because I’m n-not,” I insist, in a quiet whisper, trying not to wake Gillian, who’s sleeping in the other bed, a few feet away. “I’m going to spend winter break at Julie’s house.”

“You’d rather be with that bitch, than your own flesh and blood?” she cries.

“She’s not a bitch,” I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t call her that.”

“I’ll call her whatever I feel like,” my mother scoffed. “Your father is already in the car, driving up to Georgia. And when he gets there, you’re getting in the car with him, and coming home!”

“No,” I stood my ground. “I’m not.”

“Your father spends $35,000 a year, so you can go to college, and this is how you repay him?!” she asked, incredulous.

“Technically,” I argued, being pedantic, “my student loans cover $15,000 a year, and he pays the remaining $20,000.”

“He doesn’t have to keep doing that, you know!” my mother threatened.

“What?” I blink, my certainty faltering. I asked myself for a moment, if I was being a spoiled brat.

“If you want to be disobedient,” she cackled, “he could just decide to stop paying for your college. What are you gonna do? Come up with the $20,000 by yourself?”

Of course I can’t do that, I thought nervously. I don’t have a job.

They specifically asked me not to get one. In their opinion, a part time job, just like anime club, would be an unnecessary distraction from my studies.

“Dad wouldn’t do that to me,” I said confidently. “I’m in the third year, of a four year degree program. He wouldn’t cut me off, when I’m practically at the finish line. He loves me.”

“We’ll see about that,” my mother said smugly, and hung up.

%%%%%%%%%%

An hour later, at 7:00, I got a text from my dad:

I will be there at 7:30 to help you pack.

I’m not going back to Florida with you, I texted back.

Yes, you are, he replied simply. Or you can kiss your tuition goodbye.

“You’re bluffing,” I whispered, in the quiet darkness of the dorm room.

“Huh?” Gillian murmured sleepily.

“Nothing,” I shook my head. “Go back to sleep.”

Even if I were going with you, I texted, my brow furrowing in concentration, I can pack by myself.

I don’t trust you to pack correctly, my father answered quickly, despite the fact that he was supposedly driving. You will let me inside your dorm room, so that I can assist with the packing process.

No, I insisted. If you walk into my suite, you’re going to wake up the whole house. Let Gillian, Julie, and Tara sleep. I’ll meet you downstairs.

You don’t dictate to me where I’m allowed to walk! he replied angrily.

This is my home, I pleaded. Please respect that.

You don’t pay for your room and board, he reminded me. I do. So it’s not your home. And I’ll do whatever I want with it.

%%%%%

I packed as quietly as possible. Gillian was still sleeping, when I creep into the kitchenette, to make myself breakfast. I found Julie sitting at the table, drinking her coffee.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she confessed. “I was too worried about you.”

I showed her the texts. She looked immediately anxious.

“Is he implying that if we don’t let him in, he’ll break in?” she asked, incredulous.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Maybe?”

“Fuck that,” Julie hissed.

“It’s fine,” I insisted, with more certainty than I felt. “When he gets here, I’ll go downstairs, and I’ll talk to him. I’m going to tell him again, that I’m not going home with him, and that he needs to leave.”

“No,” Julie shook her head. “I don’t want you to go downstairs. What if he…what if he gets violent with you?”

“He wouldn’t do that,” I assure her.

“He’s never hit you?” Julie asked.

I took a bite of my Pop Tart, not wanting to answer this question. She waited expectantly as I chewed through the strawberry filling.

“It’s been, like, ten years since the last time he slapped me,” I said, swallowing. “So, I’ll be fine.”

“That means he hit you when you were eleven?” Julie calculated.

“Yeah. It was forever ago.”

“Kelley, that doesn’t make me feel better,” Julie said nervously. “Text him again, and tell him not to come to this campus at all. If he shows up, I’m calling the police.”

“Don’t you think that’s a bit overdramatic?” I asked.

“No,” Julie said, looking horrified. “I think you’re being under dramatic.”

%%%%%

Predictably, my father reacted poorly, when I texted him again.

Gillian was up late last night, working on her art project, I told him. Please don’t wake her up, by coming up here, and trying to bang our door down.

I know how to wake that bitch up, my father replied coldly. Lesbians don’t scare me.

(Some of the conversations in this story are paraphrased. But that text was his exact words. They’re still ringing in my head, over a decade later.)

“Is that supposed to be a threat of sexual violence?” Tara asked, reading over my shoulder.

“No,” I shook my head. “Of course not. If anything, it’s a threat of, like, regular violence. But it’s fine. He can’t get through a locked door.”

“I feel unsafe,” Julie said, pacing around the tiny kitchen. “I really want to call the police.”

“Don’t,” I said. “He’s not even here yet.”

%%%%%%

Gillian woke up at last, after hearing us in the kitchen, talking.

“I don’t want to call the police,” I said again.

“Well, if you won’t call them, then I’ll call them for you!” Gillian said angrily. “I’m being threatened. We have to do something about it.”

“….Fine,” I relent. “I’ll call them.”

I dialed the non emergency number for the campus police.

“Hi,” I said to the officer who answered my call. “I live in the Enotah building. My dad says he’s coming to the campus to take me home. But, I, um, I don’t want to go with him.”

I feel stupid saying this. Like I’m wasting police resources.

“We’re afraid he might get violent,” Gillian says, snatching the phone from my hand. “So, if he tries to enter our building, can you please stop him, and ask him to leave?”

“Yes ma’am,” the officer replied. “We can do that.”

%%%%%%

It’s 8:00, when my mother calls again.

“You called the police on your own father?!” she screams, disgusted, as soon as I answer the call.

“How…,” I stammer, “How did you know that I called them?”

“Because your father just called me,” she explained. “He walked up to your building, and there was some cop standing next to the door, waiting for him. They told him that he had to leave.”

“Did he leave?” I asked, amazed that this had ended so peacefully, without any of us even hearing the commotion downstairs.

“He argued with them, and told them he was just there to see his child,” my mom replied. “He’s not some stalker. But they still said he would be arrested if he didn’t leave. So, he left.”

“Good,” I said, before I could stop myself.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” my mother snapped. “Your father drove ten hours just to come get you, and you aren’t even grateful! You don’t deserve a thing from us! I’m throwing your Christmas presents straight in the garbage!”

“Okay,” I shrugged. I was still just amazed that this had worked. He hadn’t been able to walk into my dorm. He hadn’t been able to force me into his car, or hurt my friends. I was free to go to Julie’s now, and spend the break doing whatever I wanted. I felt so hopeful and happy, as I hung up on her mid-sentence.

Then, I got another text from my father:

I can’t believe you chose those girls over your own family. Is Julie going to pay your tuition for you??

I remembered suddenly, that winter break was also the end of the semester. Dad had already paid $10,000, for the first half of the school year (August to December). But, tuition for the second semester (January to May), was due in the next few weeks.

You don’t deserve a damn thing from me, after the stunt you just pulled, he said ominously. Enjoy your life with those lesbian bitches.

[peprartsandstuff]

Making the best of 2024: The Peppy's

So...2024 was a peculiar year huh. I don’t know if I’m doing much better than I was last year...but it feels like I have. I don’t want to be left behind, and I think I have achieved to somewhat do it. Call it brute force or a desperate attempt to not give up as things only get worse in the world. But I’m choosing to stay afloat. However, I don’t know how that reflects in the music that has stuck with me over the whole year. Like, there was a period of three months where I did not listen to any discovered or new records because I was so tired of a new job I got (which sucked by the way). But I can’t say I am not grateful of metaphorically getting a kick in the ass and realizing that I can’t just stay stagnant and at least fight my own brain into finding better ways and keep going, so some of the best music picks this year were my “positive mantras” in a way. Hope you got that reference, because they are gonna show here and a lot. But before that, here’s a fun diversion for my personal music award ceremony!

(P.S. during the making of these lists, I realized most of my listenings was not from this year, so if you see some repetition with the artists I prioritize...that’s maybe why :l)

Opening Song Award:

Kendrick Lamar- tv off

Best Albums of 2024 (NOT from 2024):

Mitsky- Be The Cowboy, 2018

Sin Maldita- You’re Trouble, 2020

Randy Rodgers & Wade Bowen- Hold My Beer Vol. 1, 2015

Charli XCX & SOPHIE- Vroom Vroom, 2016

Hamish Hawk- Angel Numbers, 2023

clipping.- CLPPNG, 2014

Laura Marling- I Speak Because I Can, 2010

Ana Tijoux- 1977, 2010

St. Vincent- Strange Mercy, 2011

Candelabro- Ahora o Nunca, 2023

Let’s Eat Grandma- I’m All Ears, 2018s

Bloc Party- Silent Alarm, 2005

Kamasi Washington- The Epic, 2015

Santigold- 99c, 2016

James McMurtry- Childish Thing, 2005

Bjork- Post, 1995

Sade- Diamond Life, 1984

Cocteau Twins- Heaven Or Las Vegas, 1990

Ian Noe- Between The Country, 2019

Alice Coltrane- Journey in Satchinanda, 1971

Metric- Synthetica, 2012

Olsfors- COUNTDOWN DOOM 1, 2023

Sophie Ellis-Bextor- Trip The Light Fantastic, 2007

Kylie Minogue- Aphrodite, 2010

Spiritualized- Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space, 1997

Janet Jackson- The Velvet Rope, 1997

Best Songs NOT Released in 2024:

Best Opening Songs To An Album Award:

The Warning- Six Feet Under

Katie Pruitt- All My Friends

Slotface- I Used To Be A Real Piece Of Shit

Rubber Oh- The Well

Megan Thee Stallion- HISS

Hurray For The Riff Raff- Alibi

Best Music Video:

Charli XCX- Von Dutch

Amyl & The Sniffers- Jerkin’

Dua Lipa- Houdini

Ana Tijoux- Ninx

Danielle Durack- Good Dog

Nia Archives- Unfinished Business

Tierra Whack- MOOVIES

Hamish Hawk- Men Like Wire

Megan Thee Stallion- HISS

My Favorite Discovered Acts Award:

FLO

Willi Carlisle

Cat Burns

Chris Housman

GloRilla

Nehmasis

Dayme Arocena

Rachel Chinouriri

The “mom come for me I’m scared” Song Award:

Infant Island- Found Hand

Kendrick Lamar- meet the grahms

The “Chillest” Songs Award:

Gallant- Inside Job.

Chris Housman- Laid Back

Paristtmpped- All About It

Kitty Ca$h- Automatic ft. ROZET

Tyla- To Last

NewDad- Where I Go

Best Lyrics Award:

“Entra bien erecto, pero sale to' licuado”: - La Cruz, Villano Antillano- PRIVADO

“I am the king of disaster prevention, skeptical of every good intention”: - Katie Pruitt- Worst Case Scenario

"’Girl, you walk like a bitch,’ When I was ten, someone said that, And it's just self-defense, Until you're building a weapon“ - Charli XCX & Lorde- the Girl, so confusing remix

“In the mirror, only time I'm shy. 'Cause I got the baddest bitch in my sight” - Cupcakke- Aura

“Yeen gotta force your will, And yeen gotta fake how you feel. Yeen gotta bring all the drugs, Just to get some mothafucking love,” - Doechii- FLORIDA WATA

Best Parody Music Award:

Quentin Lovejoy- Redstone Elevator (Red Wine Supernova Parody)

Hildegard Von Blingin’- Birds Of A Feather (Medieval/Bardcore Cover)

It’s TG sis- Good Luck, Babe! ft. Hatsune Miku (Chapelle Roan Cover)

Ganon Rosario- Dale Zelda Dale (yes I know this one came out years ago but fuck you it’s my list :3)

Why-att- HOME DEPOT! (HOT TO GO! Parody)

Best Songs that got me hitting the Yoinky Sploinky Award:

Kareem Rahma & Tiny Gun- Baby I Could Never Win

MICHELLE- Oontz

Doechii- CATFISH

Nia Archives- Silence Is Loud

Cat Burns- know that you’re not alone

SPRINTS- Cathedral

Best Lyrics Of The Year (but its pt. 2) Award:

“,Drove 200 miles for 6 inches of love.” - Willi Carlisle- When The Pills Wear Off

“I always feel like a dirty kid, I used to eat out of the garbage.” - Hurray For The Riff Raff- Hourglass

“Disco died, and I was never on its side. But this awful song, Now I love it so much I could cry” - Gumshoes- The Real Thing

“But here's a bar that you can keep and then remember later, The game was never played for the sake of spectators” - B. Dolan- Fantasy Baseball

“I love you like an atom bomb, but I’ve become a cold reactor.”

-Everything Everything- Cold Reactor

Best Cupcakke Remix Award:

Ranvision DJ Pyromania- BIRDS OF A FEATHER Remix

Bluewolf Remixes- The Camping Episode (from Spongebob) Remix

Loeko- Good Luck, Babe! Remix

Ranvision DJ Pyromania- Espresso Remix

Bluewolf Remixes- I Feel Fantastic Remix

Ranvision DJ Pyromania- Lone Digger Remix

Best “if I had a nickel everytime a car crash was put into song form this year I’d have three nickles, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened thrice” Award:

Dev Lemons- Give Mama A Hug

Orla Gartland- Little Chaos

Slotface- Impression Of A Car Crash

Best Five Seconds Of Pause In A Song Award:

Hurray For The Riff Raff- The World Is Dangerous

Best/FREAKIEST Songs Award:

Tyler, The Creator- Judge Judy

La Cruz- PRIVADO ft. Villano Antillano

Charli XCX- Guess ft. Billie Eilish

Best Mashup Award:

Vorezi- club classics but it’s SIN MIEDO by JPEGMAFIA

LONEWOLF- Thriller/Houdini (Michael Jackson & Dua Lipa)

AnDyWu Music- 365/Axel F (Crazy Frog & Charli XCX)

on my ceiling- Numb Luck, Babe! (Marina & The Diamonds & Chapelle Roan)

tii adica- Brat but 360 has Kendrick Lamar & Vince Staples

Adamusic- BIRDS OF A FEATHER X MIDNIGHT CITY (Billie Eilish & M83)

pootodeivid- nissan immaterial (Doechii & SHOPHIE)

Best song for quinceaneras for people that don’t like quinceaneras

methone- Not Like Us Cumbia Remix

Best song that is 1:05 minutes long specifically Award:

Doechii- FLORIDA WATA

Best Cover Award:

Moses Sumney & ANOHNI- Is It Cold In The Water? (SOPHIE cover)

Best Vocal Harmonies Award:

MICHELLE- Oontz

Marianas Trench- A Normal Life

Baby Rose & BADBADNOTGOOD- Caroline ft. Mereba

Jett Holden- Karma ft. Cassadee Hope

Angelica Garcia- Juanita

Lauh Noa & Cecile Mclorin Salvant- Siete Lagrimas

FLO- Walk Like This

Best holding out a single note for your hook while sounding like you need some water as a great indie rock groove plays Award:

Dora Jar- Timelapse

Best Background Vocals Award:

Marianas Trench- Lighting And Thunder

The Linda Lindas- Yo Me Estreso ft. Weird Al Yankovic

Best Vocal Performance Award:

Josh Ramsay (of Marianas Trench)- Stand And Fight

Jonathan Higgs (of Everything Everything)- City Song

Billie Eilish- L’AMOUR DE MA VIE

Mery Steel- Honey

Lucky Daye- Lemonade

Gallant- Confessions Of Crime

Angelica Garcia- Gemelo (like...the whole album ngl)

Best “why are you going so hard on vocals while singing about shoes like lmao” Award:

Nehmasis- you wore it better

Best Multilayered Vocals Award:

Remi Wolf- Wave

NewDad- Where I Go

Best Vocoded Vocals on a song literally about a f******g toy Award:

TWRP- A Human’s Touch ft. McKenna Rae

Best Scream in Songs Award:

SPRINTS- Cathedral

Poppy- they’re all around us

glass beach- slip under the door

Slotface- Quiet On Set

Tyler, The Creator- Balloon ft. Doechii (but SPECIFICALLY Doechii at the Camp Flognaw concert)

Best scream for a condiment Award:

Kendrick Lamar- MUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!

Best Title Tracks Award:

Marianas Trench- Haven

Willi Carlisle- Critterland

Rachel Chinouriri- What A Devastating Turn Of Events

Nia Archives- Silence Is Loud

Gallant- Zinc.

Katia Krow- Whispers from the Bloc Obscure

Rosalie Cunningham- To Shoot Another Day

The “DVD Logo hitting the corner of the screen type of satisfying” Songs Award:

Rubber Oh- The Well

Nehmasis- coloured concrete

Angelica Garcia- Paloma

Dayme Arocena- Por Ti

Lucky Daye- Lemonade

Best Collaborations Award:

The Linda Lindas- Yo Me Estresso ft. Weird Al Yankovic

Charli XCX- the girl, so confusing remix ft. Lorde

Amythyst Khia- I Will Not Go Down ft. Billy Strings

Lau Noah- Siete Lagrimas ft. Cecile McLorin Salvant

Channel Tres- We Hungry ft. Estelle

Rhapsody- A Ballad For Homegirls ft. Baby Tate

Ana Tijoux- Tu sae ft. Talib Kweli & Plug

GloRilla- Wanna Be ft. Megan Thee Stallion

*blows raspberries*:

Doechii- BOOM BAP

Best Lyrics Of The Year (but again again) Award:

“Pop your shit, bitch (pop it), Turn up on them people (go). They treat this shit like competition, I see it as art” - GloRilla- Aite ft. Kevo Mar

“Tanta gente escapando en patera, porque algunos se enamoraron de guerra ,disparando muerte pero las ideas se plantan. Se alzan. Levantan. Se cantan y bailan, por eso las matan. - Ana Tijoux- Niñx

“Everybody gang, gang, gang, 'til it get bad. Do you hearin' me? The ghetto is a mismatch. You ain't never finna win that, nah“ - Vince Staples- Etouffe

“Might be a genius or a goat watch how they try to copy. Like this Chicago all joes these n****s getting sloppy“ - 7xvethegenius- Float

“Bottom line is I’m still rich, do Megan bad and I’m still good. Bringing up who might’ve fucked and the bottom line is I still would.” - Megan Thee Stallion- HISS

Best Use of Personification Of An Object That Serves As A Twist To A Song Award:

Kendrick Lamar- gloria ft. SZA

Best “twenty one pilots Song” Songs Award:

Remi Wolf- Wave

Everything Everything- Canary

Best Bops Award:

Charli XCX- Von dutch

Eliza McLamb- Modern Woman

FLO- Walk Like This

Dua Lipa- Houdini

Rachel Chinouriri- It Is What It Is

La Cruz- PRIVADO ft. Villano Antillano

Dayme Arocena- Por Ti

MICHELLE- Oontz

Dora Jar- Timelapse

Nehmasis- coloured concrete

Angelica Garcia- Paloma

Shygirl, SG Lewis, & Club Shy- mr useless

Best Jams Award:

Nascent- Big Brown Eyes ft. Orion Sun

Angelica Garcia- Intuicion

Sevdaliza- Alibi ft. Yseult & Pabllo Vittar

Silverada- Doing It Right

Paristtmpped- All About It

Dayme Arocena- A fuego lento ft. Vicente Garcia

Kitty Ca$h- Automatic ft. ROZET

Eric Benet & Ledisi- Right Time

Channel Tres- We Hungry ft. Estelle

Future Islands- The Fight

Kendrick Lamar- luther ft. SZA

Best Bangers Award:

Tyler, The Creator- Sticky ft. SZA, Sexxy Red, & Lil Wayne

Green Day- Bobby Sox

Cupcakke- Grilling N****s II

Doechii- GTFO ft. KUNTFETISH

Amyl & The Sniffers- Motorbike Song

Alice Longyu Gao- <3 Korean Girls ft. Lee Suho

Kendrick Lamar- tv off

The Warning- Keep Me Fed

Best Vocal Production Album Award:

Angelica Garcia- Gemelo

Best/FREAKIEST Album Award:

Tyler The Creator- CHROMAKOPIA

Best “Album that got me hitting the yoinky sploinky even though I probably shouldn’t” Award:

Xiu Xiu- 13” Inch Frank Beltrame Italian Stiletto with Bison Horn

Best Climax:

Mery Steel- Honey

Best Album Ending Songs Award:

Willi Carslile- The Money Grows On Trees

Hurray For The Riff Raff- Ogallala

Tierra Whack- 27 CLUB

Angelica Garcia- Paloma

Cupcakke- Cruella

Kendrick Lamar- gloria ft. SZA

Marianas Trench- Haven

Gallant- Lucid.

The Cure- Endsong

Slotface- Impression Of A Car Crash

Mamaleek- Hidden Exit On A Greyhound

Best Ending To A Song Award:

Rachel Chinouriri- Never Need Me

Best Songs and Albums Lists [hopefully] soon!

[bi-wizard-queen]

My personal experience with Lily Orchard (as a viewer, I have never actually spoken to her)

I was a fan of Lily Orchard from 2014 until 2020 (an on-off fan I guess, like I watched her casually but I have, y’know, other things going on).

I was 17 when I started watching her (I was really into MLP: FiM at the time and she was one of many Brony Analysts I watched) but I will admit she was engaging in a way the others weren’t for me so I kept watching her. I even followed her on Tumblr

I remember back in 2016/17 I stopped watching/following her for a while because I was upset with her very blasé opinion on Palestine and her general liberal politics (I’m a socialist btw) but I came back (most people I like to watch don’t have political views as left wing as mine, that’s something I just accept) but stayed off her Tumblr.

That changed when the ToonKritic stuff happened in 2018 (TL:DR a Brony Analyst was exposed as a sex predator) and I was drawn to Lily’s very angry and cathartic video on it and so I followed her on Tumblr again for more of her takes.

Since I followed HER I took her side in any of her fallouts even if I was initially surprised by them. I also adopted some of her views (not on everything but I was massively on the “Queer should never be used by LGBT+ people” and “Rebecca Sugar is a Nazi sympathiser” views back in 2018/19) despite still being more left wing than her.

I never agreed with her disdain for Bernie Sanders for example even when I was a big fan - ironically I now don’t really like Sanders but that’s due to him not being left wing ENOUGH

I remember when Lizzy broke up with her I was MASSIVELY on Lily’s side. She is very good at framing things in a way that makes her the most sympathetic. I believed EVERYTHING she said about Lizzy and I even retroactively made Lizzy seem worse in my head.

I really need to emphasise that I thought Lizzy was this flaky, transphobic, racist and abusive bitch who relies on daddy’s credit card. I even took Lily’s opinion that Lizzy making her OC Elethyn asexual was her actually being homophobic.

I’ll be honest at this point I sort of stopped watching her as often, that was mainly because 2019 was my final year of uni so I was sorting out moving and getting a job. I also stopped using Tumblr as often for the same reason.

But when lockdown started in March 2020 I was bored and started getting back into a bunch of YouTubers I hadn’t really watched in a while. It was mostly a pleasant experience tbh and even with Lily I enjoyed her Disney recaps that she did in 2019 (though her incest jokes made me uncomfortable)

And then I watched her 2020 update video which was basically her “I hate my fans” video. Like she spent 15 minutes talking about how much she hates her fans and I remember thinking “oh wow this is awful, I’ll go check her Tumblr to see if she’s okay”

There I found some posts about someone called “Opal”. After looking this up, I found the post about Opal’s fanart and Lily’s absolutely horrific reaction to it. This is where my eyes were opened — I’d had these little doubts over the years that I’d pushed aside but this was crystal clear. She had yelled at a minor who had done nothing wrong and refused to back down.

It made me realise, “oh wow she’s always been like this”.

It made me want to look more into her, I think the blog thassabadtake existed at that point so I looked through there and others came later. I also went on Twitter to find info on Opal and then Patch and Lizzy who I realised weren’t the cartoonish villains Lily made them out to but her victims.

(I didn’t bother with Josh since he always rubbed me the wrong way and even without Lily I would dislike him for being a conservative)

But I was always just lurking. I’ve sent some anonymous messages to some of the blogs but I never posted anything on my Tumblr. Because I didn’t want to “corrupt” it (and also people I know IRL follow me and I don’t really want them seeing anything about her).

I again sort of forgot about her for another year or so until I got curious a few months ago and found that things had gotten a LOT worse and that her sister (who I remember her shit talking in vague terms for YEARS).

But since I had a policy of not reblogging anything about her on my blog I was still just lurking so I decided to finally make a side blog just to get my thoughts out a bit

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Beyoncé

In the words of Wendy Williams, “she can’t read she’s got a six grade, I’m glad we’re going to use my kitchen TV because it’s got closed captions so I’ll be able to understand everything she saying”., Did you know that Beyoncé can’t read?. no Beyoncé talks like a sixth grader, that’s Wendy not me, but I kinda get what she’s saying. Back then Beyoncé spoke like that., very childlike could be however mercury, Mercury sign, that can sometimes the time and what your voice is going to sound like in astrology.

But what I love about all these pictures here, that Beyoncé can’t save her life around Kim Kardashian. now let’s add that to the end and take it out again and that’s their whole friendship, Kim likes to think that they are friends. I naive Libra Arse can’t see that they’re not. If you look at all these pictures she’s even getting annoyed at north. I know the camera can’t catch you. It really awkward but moments but you can also catch it in the truth. Some fashion show really shouldn’t and Beyoncé has got a completely different view., kids are at home with the nanny of course. Well Beyoncé, sees her PR team. Taking the pictures of her with the baby.

Beyoncé knows how to do pr, but this is the wrong time, her PR is like not making me talk in an interview but also making me look good, Kim’s PR is making me look like a good parent by walking down the street and taking, or anything else for that matter these guys will do anything a good PR, everyone else look bad, I MEAN PRINCE EVEN GOT SICK OF HER ARSE, HE CALLED HER UP ON THE STAGE . And then he’s like bitch get off the stage .

Now that was probably a stunt too , although with Prince I wouldn’t be surprised , he is a Scorpio rising after , also a Gemini sun man , he didn’t like the Kardashians, but Kim was everything he wanted in a girl, a little bit dumb, dark, dark features, natural stunning body, I know ha ha ha, but looking natural to some degree.

Look at this post was meant to be about Beyoncé and I’ve gone into Kim Kardashian, but Kim annoyed a lot of celebrities along with her family. Especially that woman .. she often brings up on keeping up with the Kardashians and the Kardashians on Disney. and being at Beyoncé’s parties come on you’re making yourself look silly. Can you imagine that if had been born in the mid 70s so just five years back? She would’ve been a prince girl I don’t know if she grew up quite privileged so who knows . Now what are my reasons for Beyoncé not liking her. look at the pictures at first and you can see how far she can’t act as the captions say. 

Kind of like a Carmen Electra, but Carmen had the, street smarts, the edge that, prince was want to of said to her don’t ever, dye hair 👱🏽‍♀️. If that Carmen needs to really be in this slide, specially I’ve had prince, and then she got with Dennis Rodman, and Dave Navarro two very different but very similar men. Different on the fact that of their personalities maybe and what they do., same because they both like girly things, can be quite feminine. Kind like Prince.

When the elevator situation happened with Beyoncé, Solange and Jay-Z, Beyoncé couldn’t hide her face and that, or actually she did pretty well she smirk 😏 . A lot like Solange can hide her face either while sat next to one of the Kardashians it looks like here. and she sure couldn’t eat here either., that was iconic at 2014 moment. And the Solange, love you for that.

Here is the terrible acting, PR nightmares, PR winners, being a Kardashian and being a superstore

[therealestpodcast]

THE REALEST PODCAST: EPISODE ONE; THE FNAF MOVIE.

“HIS VOICE MEANS TO DECEIVE TO YOU. MY VOICE JUST WANTS TO LEAD YOU! BELOW THE SURFACE.” - BELOW THE SURFACE; GRIFFINILLA

“Jae and Ona in the morninggg….nights..”

Jae: We gotta change that intro

Ona: Nooo its so iconic!!

Jae: Then we need to stop recording at night..

Ona: Bitch now you KNOW thats not gonna stop.

Jae: True…

Ona: Whats the topic today jae jae?

Jae: Today’s topic isss…… drumroll please!

Ona: These nails are press on, if they pop off I would cry.

Jae: The topic is the new Five Nights At Freddy's movie.

Ona: You could've used the soundboard…

Jae: I dont want to hear NOTHING from your right now…

Ona: …..

Jae: …

Jae: Anyways Ona, whats your thoughts so far on the movie!

Ona: ….I hate you so bad.

Ona: But seriously i CAN NOTTT WAIT.

Jae: If yall didnt know me and Ona always go to see horror movies together and we at least go 3 times.

Ona: We literally have every streaming app for what ever they put the movie on.

Jae: Usually the first time we go with a group of friends.

Ona: And the the other times we go to actually analyze the film.

Jae: what is are your theories for the movie?

Ona: I feel like it’s only gonna be like the first game or something like that im really upset that they arent gonna have a scene with the springlock suit, like I heard a lot about that.

Jae: Well, you know there’s definitely gonna be at the movies, I think it’s mostly gonna focus on the first game as you said, but more of like a backstory type of thing too.

Ona: how much you wanna bet that the movies aren’t even going to be in timeline order?

Jae: oh my God I’m not doing that bullshit again..

Ona: the timeline was literally horrible to figure out.

Jae: We should stream as replaying the games on our twitch.

Ona: Definitely, I’m so sick of people talking about the red eyes.

Jae: Oh yeah, isn’t it Cannon? or something like that?

Jae: so I just looked this up, but did you know that they my delay the movie since people are complaining about it? like the movie is already in October that so longgggg.

Ona: YEAH DUDE!

Jae: it’s not even that big of a deal to be honest.

Ona: like if you read the books and they literally have red eyes when William is in control.

Jae: You sound like those weird kids in 2014

Ona: Um…you WERE the weird kids!

Jae: Not too fucking much…

Ona: OH MY GOD???

Ona: JAE WERE YOU REALLY?

Jae: ….No.

Ona: …. I gotta make some calls, who did you go to school with?

Jae: No one, i was a lone wolf.

Ona: Anddd that tells me everything i needed to know.

Jae: STOP I WAS KIDDING CUT THAT OUT!!

Ona: ANYWAYS-

Jae: DI’ONA!

Ona: Back on the topic, it’s so crazy to think that we literally grew up with the series.

Jae: No yeah, I thought about that before.

 Jae: Have you ever thought about how controversial the game is?

Ona: What d’you mean?

Jae: like, do you remember when people would argue over the gender of foxes?

Ona: that was literally insane, like there was real debates about that….

Jae: You would probably joined in….

Ona: OH I KNOWWW YOU’RE NOT TALKIN

Jae: I have no idea what you’re talking about..

Ona: Hey i just had a thought-

Jae: wowwwww for once in your life!

Ona: ……

Ona: …Anyways. What was your favorite FNAF song?

Jae: Its been too long-

Ona: Oh.

Jae: …what is your problem NOW?

Ona: Nothing, just…nothing um anyways-

Jae: ….

Ona: Jaeyoung i swear to god.

Jae: You started it.

Ona: LIKE I WAS SAYING, My fav is Join the Party or Join us for a bite.

Jae: Girl pick one.

Ona: NO WAIT! Below the surface!

Jae: If they dont play its been so long at the end credits im gonna go insane. 

Ona: ….ACTUALLY CIRCUS OF THE DEAD!

Jae: Ona…please dont start…

Ona: I cant pickkkk

Ona: But i think they should play Stay Calm.

Jae: Whys that?

Ona: Dude like it make perfect sense for the first movie! Dont piss me off at 12:55 Am….

Jae: Why didnt you just say 1 in the morning?

Ona: Your soo lucky time is up…

Jae: Well everyone thanks for tuning into the realest podcast for the night-

Ona: the best horror podcast around..at night..

Jae: Dude we gotta change our catchphrase.

Ona: It doesnt rhyme with anything elseee

Jae: That was the hardest sigh ive ever tooken.

Ona: Next week you’ll hear us talk about Aliens-

Jae: Which i’m sure will be an exciting venture. this has been the realest.. being real.

Ona: have a good night everyone and thank you for listening.

Jae and Ona: This is The Realest Podcast signing out!

LIKE MORE FROM THIS CREATOR? CHECKOUT MORE OF THEIR PODCAST HERE!

[lukeskywalking]

My friend and I have been rewatching season one of doctor who for gits and shiggles and I have some thoughts as someone who has not consumed doctor who content since 2014

Dear god this show is campy as hell and it’s easier for me to enjoy if I’m not taking it TOO seriously

That being said. I cannot take the daleks seriously

If a time traveler invited me to go with him and then instantly took me to the heat death of the planet I would go home. Why can’t we just go see Live Aid at Wembley

I like Rose, she’s very sweet but goddamn she should’ve just told Mickey straight off that they were through. She was trifling for that

I really like the emotional beats

Having Jack be openly queer in 2005 is actually pretty cool

Goddamn some bitch we just met is always sacrificing themselves for the cause in this show

The dated special effects are SO funny like hell yeah brother don’t fully edit out the green screen halo around your characters, it’s so sexy

Are you my mummy episodes still slap

I get it’s a show about aliens but WHY does there ALWAYS have to be a (dumb looking) alien behind it all. Like the episode where they go back to see Rose’s dad. Why couldn’t it just be a time paradox. Why throw in the flying scorpion creatures

This show really was so much better when the companions were just randos and not some special messiah destined to cradle the universe or whatever

Of the ones I remember watching (9, 10, 11) the ninth doctor is defo the most grounded iteration of the character. Great balance of his emotional baggage, light hearted sass, and gentle compassion

We were robbed. Christopher Eccleston was robbed. I was robbed. One season of this doctor is not enough

[melanieratford]

Am I wrong? Or is it my Aunt?

First of all, I'm gonna give A LOT of context.

My mom brutally abused me from when I was a baby, all the way until the day she passed away back in 2020. Part of this abuse was by destroying the dreams I had of one day getting married and having a beautiful wedding by telling me that it would be about her and what she'd want... Not me and what I'd want. She also drained my grandparents' retirement fund as well as the small "future fund" they set up for me.

When my aunt's step-son got engaged in 2014, my mom made me pay $100 for his fiancé's wedding dress. Less than a month later, she was knocked up and that money was wasted. That November, at a "shotgun" style wedding in my aunt's living room, less than 5 minutes after saying "I do.", he walked up to me and said "We'd pass you the bouquet since you're technically next to get married, but you're too much of a bitch to get married!". His kid was born the day after Christmas, and the marriage was over less than 3 years later. His ex-wife is now with a woman.

Despite the abuse, I actually love my mom... When she got sick, I did my best to take care of her with the help of my grandmother. When she passed away, I was completely catatonic. To the point that I actively overworked myself, almost to death. It also didn't help that my mom passed away the day before the Pandemic was declared. Despite my best efforts to talk to my aunt and grandmother about my mom and what she did to the family, I was never able to actually grieve.... Because my aunt and her step-son were more focused on his 5 year old daughter who was experiencing her first loss. It literally felt like my mom wasn't my mom, and that she was my little cousin's aunt. My aunt's step-son did not bother ever taking his daughter off of my aunt's hands... He didn't do it the day mom passed, and he lectured me and called me names for being upset all the time within the first year. He didn't start being sympathetic towards me until Christmas 2021, when he brought his latest girlfriend over to meet the family for the first time. Even then, I still couldn't talk about my mom and what she did because his daughter would always run into the room and scream at me for saying "bad things" about "her aunt".

Yes, I am well aware that I need extensive therapy...

So, here's where I get to the main part of the story. On May 5th, 2015, at Avengers: Age of Ultron, I met the love of my life. He was one of my best friend's college friends. We became friends and started dating on April 4th, 2016. This man is an absolute saint. He saw me through the worst times in my life and never judged me. He's never pressured me to do anything I didn't want to do. He's patient with me. We play videogames, watch anime, enjoy comics, talk about the most stupid stuff, love Disney, and have very similar styles. This man is my friend first, and my lover second. We even celebrated our first anniversary by going to the theater to watch the live action remake of Beauty and the Beast. I got us rings that say "His Beauty" and "Her Beast" for that event. On May 5th, 2023, we got engaged after we saw Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3. The proposal was not a surprise. In fact, I helped him pick out my bridal set, and by that point, we had been planning the wedding for about a year. A few months ago, I told my aunt that, since my mom's passing was made to be about my little cousin, I was afraid my wedding would be made to be about her too. She promised me that she wouldn't do it. For weeks, while I tried talking to my aunt about the wedding related stuff that my mom did to me, and how I'm excited that I get to have my way now, my aunt kept saying "Its your wedding, you have what you want!".

Literally the day after I got engaged, my fiancé and I went over to my aunt's house to announce the engagement. Everyone was delighted, but not surprised. We also announced that we don't want to get married until our 10 year anniversary in 2026, that we want a long engagement so that its less stressful, and that my aunt's step-son is not invited to the event. My aunt then started telling my little cousin "M is gonna make you look so beautiful for her wedding!". After a few minutes of her asking me what I'd like kiddo to wear (we're allowing kids over the age of 5 to the event), I said that I want her to wear something nice, maybe a little bit nerdy. I also asked where the money for kiddo's outfit was going to come from and my aunt said "From your wedding savings!".

I was BAFFLED by this idea. We're not having a Flower Girl. Our Wedding Party consists of my best friend, his best friend, my best friend's boyfriend (our Flower Guy, also a longtime friend of mine), and maybe my fiancé's mom. There will be no children part of the wedding party. My Flower Guy is gonna wear Thug Life glasses, throw rose petals from a Spider-Man fanny pack, and dance down the aisle to "Come and Get Your Love" by Redbone. It will be a VERY nerdy event!

So, we tried to steer the conversation to the idea of having an engagement party. At the time, we were on the fence about it. My aunt kept insisting that my fiancé and I pay to have it at a restaurant. We did not like the idea...Then I tried to talk to my family about helping us pay for the wedding. I told them that I don't expect much, I know what my mom did to my grandmother's finances. I'd just like ANY help. We're actively taking steps to keep expenses low. No booze. Less than 60 people total. Tiny wedding party. No Bachelor/Bachelorette parties. We'd like tacos instead of anything fancy at the reception. I'm even going for a black dress instead of a white one! As of right now, I'm the one who has bought the stuff that we do have for it.2 weeks later, on 05/20/23, at our next visit with my aunt and grandmother, we decided to address the issues. We told my aunt that we don't want an engagement party since my fiancé's grandfather (the one he loves very much and is super important to him) has 2 forms of aggressive cancer and is currently immuno-compromised. So, we don't want to have an engagement party so that we can protect him. My aunt gave us A LOT of attitude for this.

Then we tried to tell them that we don't intend to pay for kiddo's outfit, since she's not part of the wedding party... But, my grandmother then piped up with "Let's dress her up like Belle!". I shot that down, but my aunt said something along the lines of "Not THAT princess."... That's not the first princess idea that I've had to shoot down. My grandmother also suggested something Sailor Moon related for kiddo since I love the anime... And I've had to explain that I'd like to be the only one wearing something from that anime at the event (I already have Neo Queen Serenity's tiara for it).So, to keep my fiancé and me calm, I tried to steer the conversation to my weight loss. I've always been small, but between the fat-shaming that my grandfather did to me as a toddler, the fact that my mom weighed 600lbs when she passed away, and the fact that my grandmother occasionally pokes at my legs and calls me "pudgy", I'd like to lose a little weight for the wedding... Its a miracle that I don't have an eating disorder... But, I'm doing a diet of "no soda or fast food on weekdays", and a small workout regimen of "10 crunches and 2 walking laps around the apartment building a day, to start". My grandmother looked at me and said "I won't notice you've lost any weight until you lose 50lbs!". I almost said "50lbs! From where?!"...Needless to say, we ended up leaving that visit extremely angry. But, we needed to vent our frustration before anything got said. So, I waited until Sunday night to say anything to my aunt. I sent my aunt 2 long text messages. I explained that kiddo is not dressing up like ANY princess for my wedding. That she's not a princess that day. That I'd like her to wear a light, flowy, cute little dress with maybe some pink roses on it, cute flat shoes, simple jewelry, and not have any "bling" in her hair. Basically, since we want a garden wedding, we'd like kiddo to wear something that would be appropriate for it. I went on to explain that my fiancé and I are not obligated to pay for her outfit, as she's not part of the wedding party, and that the only constraint on where the clothes come from is "No Temu". (We've heard awful things about that app.) Then I said that, since those are the definitive parameters on kiddo's outfit, I don't wanna hear about it again. It's not her wedding, its my fiancé's and mine. It's not "kiddo's first wedding". Not an excuse to dress her up like a princess. There is nothing in my wedding planning research that dictates that the bride and groom must cater to the whims of anyone, let alone a child who is just a guest. That it would be a different matter entirely if she was my flower girl, but she's not. I went on to state that I don't want kiddo present for the "Wedding Dress Shopping Trip" and that, for my wedding, kiddo isn't special. I also said that, from here on out, when discussing outfits, I'd like to keep the focus on the rest of us.

Well.... My aunt then sent 2 messages to respond. "I can't answer I'm so [angry emoji] right now so don't push so much" and "I can not come you don't have the right to treat everyone else like shit".

I INSTANTLY started crying. This isn't the first time that my aunt has pulled something like this. In fact, I was expecting her to do something like this, I just hoped that she wouldn't. My fiancé and my best friend both told me "Don't grovel. Call her bluff.". So, I sent a text back saying "Fine. Don't come." and then I texted my grandmother and explained that, until further notice, on the days that my fiancé and I would normally visit her, we're just gonna call her. That we're tired of the gaslighting, not being able to breathe (my family smokes very heavily), not being able to get anything done about any of the matters that need to be taken care of,  and that we need a break.

Since then, my fiancé told his family about the situation and they're all livid with mine. I've told 2 of my cousins and they're upset with my aunt and willing to stand between her and me if she continues to pull stuff like this. However, 3 days later, after not speaking to my aunt since I said "Fine. Don't come.", my aunt texted me with notifications stating that she's sent me $40 for the wedding... Which has left me feeling paranoid that she's going to use that money against me later. Even worse, I'm wondering if my aunt is going to say "That's just how this family is!" when we see her again at the end of July (we wanna wait until after both my fiance's and my birthdays to visit again)....Everyone I've talked to says that, since I'm the bride, I should be allowed to have what I want. That I'm in the right for putting my foot down and that I did it in a civil manor. However, part of me thinks that my little cousin might have gotten ahold of the phone, read the texts, and threw a fit... I'm also wondering if I overreacted, or if I'm overthinking things.... 

Am I the asshole here? Or am I in the right?