#2. has made writing in general feel so much easier than it ever has

[rokurookajima]

the actual funniest part of writing metalbanders in this the year of our lord 2024 is that my partner of five and a half years is…… a musician. a punk/metal/whatever drummer specifically lmao so now i’m like ok … harmonic convergence’s music would all sound like my partner’s deranged bands (like the ones ed plays in not just what he listens to) ✔️ delusions of grandeur ✔️ dress wan like ed for the most part (the jacket… the source for why i know u should never lean ur head on that spiky shoulder) ✔️ i know the exact amount of ANNOYING this type of musician is to be intimately linked with ✔️

[sunniedesi]

The Decay of Andy and Leyley: the bad, the ugly and the terrible

Now that it’s been a while since I finished the Decay route, I think I’m ready to finally analyse this chapter as a whole. I’ve collected my thoughts and read through a couple of people’s opinions here and there… just to be utterly disappointed. I knew casual fans generally didn’t understand much of the subtext for tcoaal, but damn are they completely lost with this one. Maybe it’s the fact that I only interact with a small echo chamber of the fandom that does get it, but after all the terrible takes I’ve had the displeasure of seeing, I think it’s time I leave my own. There is quite a lot to comment on, since this part of Decay builds upon several plot points of the story: the quarantine, the entity, lord unknown, and namely, the main duo’s upbringing and relationship. While I’d love to pick apart every nook and cranny of this episode, this analysis will only focus on Andrew and Ashley’s relationship, as that alone has plenty of things to dissect for one post. I will also comment on some of the changes done to the previous episodes and what that could mean for the next routes. (More below the cut, this will be a long one).

But before I begin anything I want to start with a disclaimer of the obvious; yes, this game is fucked up and the relationship is toxic, horribly so (wow, who would’ve thunk it?). If things weren’t messed up before then they certainly are now, so I understand why nobody would want to touch this game with a ten-foot pole. In fact, I’ve noticed many let’s players who’ve previously played it either not mentioning it or going as far as to delete every video they’ve made on it (not dropping names here but I had a couple of videos in my watch later taken down mere minutes after I saved them because of this). I often see people saying “it’s just fiction” as a defense for talking about this, which is totally valid, but my view of it is a bit different. It is fiction, yes, but also something that could very easily happen in real life and that a lot of people could (unfortunately) relate to. That’s what makes it uncomfortable and gross, and that is exactly the reason why we should talk about it. As per words of the author “although unpleasant, true [CHAOS AND MAYHEM!!!] can only be achieved by unearthing the root cause of one's issues and addressing the underlying decay.” Even if you think it’s icky and gross that doesn’t disqualify it from existing. Moreover, it calls for analysis as to why it makes you feel gross, which might I add is an impulse reaction to something much deeper than a simple “nooo they’re related,” as there are many layers to this from a moral, ethical and psychosexual perspective.

So… let’s talk about it. 

The Bad: Andy and Leyley

The beginning of the episode tells us a lot about the upbringing of our characters, though most of it was writing on the wall if you paid attention during episode 2. We play as Andrew, examining his psyche and going through the motions of how to be a walking disappointment. As he cooks, cleans, excels at school and sets order in his family, he accomplishes a level of independence many don’t reach until adulthood, all before the age of 10. Yet every single mistake, as small or out of his control as it may be, is a cause for reprimanding. Renee doesn’t spare the emotional rod with him per se, expecting Andrew to go above and beyond for tasks that she should be responsible for. And whenever her live-in maid complains or dares to set an even playing field, such attempts are crushed by repressing him further into his shell. Berating, insulting, belittling him.

Nothing he does is ever enough, and it can’t be,  lest giving him hope of ever meeting others’ expectations, of ever doing better. The more suppression, the less of his independence, say or personality, the easier to control. The less of Andrew the better. And as such, Andy was born: a sorry replacement for Andrew’s essence, easily malleable and capable of becoming everything you want him to be. Many believe Andy is a result of Leyley, but really

Andy was a nightmare of Renee’s own making. And speaking of nightmares, Leyley’s origins aren’t much different. Having a second child as a middle finger to your disapproving family is no good if you don’t intend to raise said child. But what’s the need when Andy is there to do it? Disciplining a kid aching for attention is far too taxing for Renee, especially one with as much attitude as Leyley. So, instead of inflicting more trauma as she’s done with Andy, she lets him pass his own over to her, creating a direct pipeline to the cycle of abuse. It should be noted that in one of the new visions available we see that Renee is an older sister herself, and was expected to also go above and beyond for her sister despite being completely disregarded by her family.

In other words, her treatment of Andy and complete neglect of Leyley are anything but surprising. It’s all she’s ever known. (Not excusing Renee, I hate her with a passion, but it’s important to know where everything is coming from).

Funnily enough, Leyley’s personality isn’t as innate as many believe. It’s easy to see her as the “difficult child,” but in reality, everything she does is a cry for help. We’re dealing with a lonely, undisciplined girl, disregarded by the world as a crybaby and a freak, left to be raised by trash TV and her clueless older brother. The result of this terrible concoction is a self-loathing, marshmallow spine of a boy and a lost, shrieky viper of a girl. Neither can like each other, because they don’t like themselves. And neither can help the other, because they refuse to see themselves for what they are. These are Andy and Leyley, the antagonists of the story.

As much as people have difficulty separating Andy and Leyley from Andrew and Ashley it must be noted that, from a narrative perspective, these are entirely different characters. Andy and Leyley are the immature, worst traits of our main duo personified: Andy is a paranoid pushover garnering resentment every time his buttons are pushed, while Leyley is nothing more than a scared little girl, terrified of abandonment and terrified of change. The more they push and pull, the more they test and bring out the worst in each other, the more they decay. But if these are Andy and Leyley, then who are Andrew and Ashley?

The Ugly: Andrew and Ashley

I believe the cliffhanger route is where we get to see the most of these two, though glimpses of them can be seen in the Shots and Such route. Andrew we know (thanks to his lengthy pov) is a crude and relentless antisocial who can’t stand anyone. He only does so out of keeping appearances, instilled by his mom, but just like her, is incapable of caring for anything. Something Ashley is very quick to point out when they were children.

We also see he’s very manipulative, sly and finds fun in (mentally) messing with people and romanticising the shit of his life, perhaps as a way to feel something other than the misery it bestows upon him. However, not playing nice can only bring trouble, so he hides behind the mask of the innocent pushover (Andy). Needless to say, this is a life full of lies and deception, utterly unsatisfactory. It will never fulfill his true desires and can only push him further into nihilism. But what are his true desires? 

Well, to be seen and understood, the one thing no one’s ever bothered to do. No one except the mess of his own making. Ashley, the girl Andrew raised, is full of wit and charm. As seen in the flashbacks, she’s perceptive and quickly calls bullshit whenever she sees it. She doesn’t play nice, she doesn’t put up a front, she’s everything Andrew could be if he wasn’t afraid to show his true colors. This last bit is why I would argue Andrew is so drawn to her, that and of course all of the trauma bonding. As Andrew says himself, his attraction is pathological, i.e. unreasonable and irrational, a result of his loneliness and conditioning from childhood. And as much as I agree that it is paraphilic in nature, I do believe there is a logical side to his attraction; Ashley is loud, obnoxious and annoying. Carefree and unbothered, the flip-side to his Andy facade. In fact, she hates having to keep up appearances and how everyone around her is a phony. For Andrew, the man that has endured years of suppression and self-loathing, it is a relief, it is liberating to have someone just as bad as him. Someone who wouldn’t be afraid of him. Someone who could meet him at the same level; an equal.

Continuing with Ashley, one of her most emblematic traits is that she’s self-assured and doesn’t care about anything or anyone except for Andrew. This is quite the contrast to Leyley, who is incredibly insecure, selfish and does not care for Andy, only the reassurance he brings. And how do we know Ashley cares about Andrew if Leyley does not? Well…

This flashback is the single most important piece of information we get from the whole chapter. So let’s analyze it from the start. Julia takes Andrew to visit Nina’s grave, bringing back a slew of emotional turmoil he’s still haunted by. He immediately goes home to unpack it with Ashley.

(because god knows he was thinking about her the whole time he was talking to Julia). Ashley shows her first signs of maturity in the conversation that ensues, accurately pointing out the impending doom of Andrew and Julia’s relationship, and being a little more… introspective.

It’s clear that Leyley’s view of relationships is skewed, to say the least. She barely distinguishes romance from platonic love and has a very childish take of sex being "gross and all men want.” I’ve seen many people, before and after this chapter release, theorize that Ashley is asexual, something that’s always bothered me to no end. It’s one thing to just headcanon a character having “x” sexuality for the sake of it, but here people were using a headcanon to explain a critical part of her characterization, one of her Leyley traits. It is reductive and misguided, not to mention a terrible example of what asexuality would actually look like. Because this isn’t an innate characteristic from Ashley, it is a sign of immaturity, and to a certain degree, also insecurity.

Leyley has been conditioned her entire existence to believe she’s loathsome and undesirable, so anyone sticking around would never be out of their own volition. It would have to be a transaction, give and take. If Andy and Leyley marry it would have to be this way, a selfish exchange on both ends. But as she says: “different is fine, sometimes.” This is Ashley talking, taking into consideration Andrew’s needs for once and for all, which is the reason she made a move after he woke up. She understands his needs and is willing to put out for him, thinking maybe it could be good for her too. 

But boy does he fumble hard. Which I don’t blame him for, dude wasn’t in the right headspace at the time. Though this is the moment that set Ashley’s development far, far behind square one. She didn’t take the rejection well. For once she was doing what he wanted, and he pushed her away (mixed signals much). He began being very cold to her afterwards (albeit in a fruitless attempt to repress his feelings, which as we see through the puzzle sequences, the more he crushed his feelings on the outside, the further they spread on the inside). The moment Andrew reached out for her again, a year later might I add, he did it because of Ashley, or rather Leyley, needing to be reprimanded and set on the right track (with the massage parlor job).

This sealed the deal for Ashley that the only way to secure Andrew’s attention was the way that Leyley used to do with Andy: bitch and moan until he pays attention. In other words, it’s Andrew’s fault that Ashley is the way she is… though he’s not entirely aware of it, as seen in parts of his pov. And to a certain extent, Ashley also plays a part into why he’s so apprehensive to the idea of liking her. Her childish nature and refusal to grow up is proof to Andrew that if she were to indulge his desires, it would be to keep him around, but it wouldn’t be reciprocal (which is ultimately what he desires the most). 

This is my main takeaway from the cliffhanger route. I won’t be theorising much on what the outcomes for this route could be (more on why later), though I will be referencing this heavily for the analysis of Shots and Such.    

Also the symbolism in this scene is quite strong (couldn’t fit it into the previous paragraphs but wanted to bring it up anyway).

Her painted nails are trashy, and Julia's nails are painted. Andrew stares in silence as Julia rings away...  

Also:

This is after you destroy the Leyley plushie on the wedding cake scene, to retrieve Ashley's choker (which can later be used to create Andrew's partner... which also grants you a star). Originally, the plushies were watching cartoons, but now that Leyley is gone... something else surfaces. Interestingly enough, if you refuse to destroy it when prompted, the narrator will say "what are you, some Andy?" And if you try again after that, it won't allow to you to tear it apart, saying "you've made your choice." Very strong symbolism there. Let's move onto Shots and Such now.

The Absolutely Terrible: the Decay of Andy and Leyley

A terrible, disgusting, horrifying and necessary ending. Necessary to really discern the differences between Andy/Leyley and Andrew/Ashley, plus why the former will ALWAYS be a pointless, troublesome pairing. They hurt, abuse and tear each other down in the most sadistic and depressive ways possible. Long gone are the days of their playful banter, they are now replaced with just plain ol’ spousal abuse. Even when they try reviving their spark with their quick banter about the vacuums, it is soulless and dry, the damage done to their dynamic far too damming to ignore. 

They are never honest with each other, and they’re always afraid and resentful of the other. The only thing keeping them together is codependency and lame sex that sometimes distracts them from how miserable they feel. The one sex scene in this chapter reads like a dagger to the heart, because it is everything neither of them wanted to happen. Andrew yearned for something reciprocal, for him to be seen. And as much as he begs and pleads for Ashley to understand, Leyley’s fear of abandonment overtakes her, diminishing the little trust she had for him and respect she had for herself. As a result, they both hated the encounter, and the only two solutions are ending themselves or committing to a life of such misery.

In the splat ending, we indulge Andy’s desires of ending it all, and Leyley reluctantly follows, scared and unsatisfied until the bitter end, but unwilling to let go of her Andy. In the Shots and Such ending, we indulge Leyley’s fantasies of a forever union, which turn out to be anything but the ideals she had for Andy and Leyley’s marriage. It is more of the same old horrific abuse, dishonesty and bickering over nothing, with maybe one glimpse of honesty forced out by the alcohol every once in a blue moon. 

No matter the end, they’re both together forever as Andy and Leyley, dragging each other down into the lowest of levels. It’s pointless and bleak, and it certainly sent the fandom into a frenzy. You think the people defending Andrew “I’m normal” Graves or the people saying Ashley “did nothing wrong” were bad? Well, just as this route brought the worst out of the Graves, it also brought out the worst of these fans.

Every time I look into the comments section of a video or discussions for this chapter, it’s a constant shit-flinging contest of who had the worst upbringing, who has the worst personality, who is the most abusive, (which most people seem to be pointing fingers at Ashley for that one). It’s all blah blah blah who’s the woest of the woe. And worst of all, plenty of men (they’re almost always men) saying “Andrew should beat Ashley up some more.” I understand that Ashley’s worst traits as Leyley were amplified in this chapter, but honestly, men who had that takeaway from this chapter disturb me more than the game itself. Heck, even mother-of-the-year Renee calls bullshit on this:   

(context: this is a rhetorical question, the answer being no, obviously.)

Let’s get one thing straight: no character here is worse than the other. They’re both awful, they both beat each other, they both abuse each other and they're both victims of each others’ abuse. The tragedy here is that they are as much victims as they are perpetrators, with no end in sight, because the more one hurts the other, the more retaliation ensues. Characterizing one as the worst is, again, completely reductive and overlooking the point of the ending: nothing gets better because neither got better. We only saw Andy and Leyley in this route, with brief glimpses of Andrew and Ashley, that are quickly crushed by their inability to disengage from their toxic habits.

I think it’s clear to see how Ashley is regressing more into her fears (Leyley), given the threat of being murdered by the only person she has left forced her into that state. She doesn’t want to die, she’s terrified of death, and wants the security she believes Andy will bring her back. Except Andy is the one harboring resentment, as Andrew is the one trying to work past it. And to the people who think we’re playing as Andrew and Leyley in this route because “we chose Andrew,” no we’re not. There’s a reason the beginning of both the Andy and Andrew (shots and such) routes look the same in terms of the area we explore in the demon realm. 

There’s a reason why he keeps devolving further and further into resentment for Leyley. The “Andrew” choice means nothing if Ashley refuses to stop being Leyley. And her regression is reinstated by the selfish decision to kill Andrew in the bullets ending (and yes, I’m calling it selfish, since it is once again denying Andrew of his need to be rid of the Andy and Leyley dynamic). This reinforces Andrew’s belief that Leyley doesn’t want him, that his love is one-sided, and that she doesn’t care for his needs. The moment this choice (shooting Andrew) is set in stone it’s game over for both, because one can’t heal without the other. Again, nothing gets better because neither can get better.

The only difference between both routes is that when we pick Andy, Andrew surrenders. He’s hurt, battered and confused, but Andy’s instinctual need to please Leyley reigns above all. He knows it won’t get better, he doesn’t know how to make it better, so to hell with it. If we choose to be Andrew, Andrew never surrenders, insisting there must be a way to fix this, but can’t due to Leyley’s insistence. This leads to Andrew's decay, as he devolves into a mixture of Andy’s resentment boiling over and Andrew’s sadism. The logical part of him (which is Andrew’s lingering care for Ashley) tells him to disengage from the fighting. But his resentment (Andy’s decay) is overpowering his love for her. It gets to the point where both Andy and Andrew become undistinguishable, as they have melded to become his most deranged self. Surprisingly, something similar happens with Ashley, who also struggles to surrender in this route. There are two moments of honesty in the Shots and Such route, the only moments we get to see Andrew and Ashley completely. First is Andrew comforting Ashley’s sobs:

Here, Ashley was actually honest with him for once, which allows both of them to open up. This exchange is much more lighthearted compared to the rest of the route because both are meeting each other at the same level, talking through things together, addressing their happiness and where they want to go. Ashley shines through, taking genuine interest in Andrew’s happiness, but before things can settle…

Ashley must face her fears of freeing Andrew, trusting him. And she doesn’t, because let’s remember, we chose Leyley in this route and let Ashley decay. So once again, things go back to how they were, pointless resentment. There was also a time where Andrew opened up, and that’s when he was drunk out of his mind.

He put his front down, enough to indulge in his paraphilia but not enough to fully express his love. The mixed signals are strong with this one, which further confuses Leyley. However, when they go to sleep that night, Andrew opens up about his needs, about needing Ashley to see him for the mess of a man that he is and still accept him. Ashley takes the stage, reassuring him that she knows all his secrets and loves him regardless. Andrew is honest about why he pushes her away, because it’s the last thread of normalcy he has left. However, things quickly go back to normal, when Leyley refuses to give him a kiss due to all the times he pushed her away. At the end of both of these scenes, we hear a sad music box tune, a sad reminder of how crucial these scenes are. How easily things could be fixed with the care and honesty they warrant, and how easily they fall apart out of simple reluctance and conformity. 

This is a constant thread we see in their relationship, throughout flashbacks and present time, as well as symbolisms throughout Burial and Decay. The choice to not only trust, but to be honest with one another despite their fears could’ve been the fix they needed all along, the one thing they needed to mature. Their bond is so fragile, so easily twisted, that the only way to salvage any semblance of tenderness is to address their underlying decay. I find it funny how there are still people (few but still some) who were disappointed to see that Decay wouldn’t be the "normal" route. I read a few comments of people wanting their relationship to be fixed and be a normal sibling dynamic. To which I just have to say, that is way more delusional than the people who expected any routes of this game to be all fluff and rainbows.

The relationship was already screwed from the get-go, but here’s the hard pill to swallow: having a normal relationship is not the fix they need nor want. The paraphilia has consumed Andrew so thoroughly that his only solution is to completely wipe his brain or fully indulge in it (possibly the two routes of episode 4), while Ashley has to let go of her selfish, childish desires to recognize the Andrew she wanted has been there all along if she cares to meet him there. Is it an unsavory solution? Yeah. It’s gross, morally and ethically reprehensible. But that’s just who they are as people. And accepting themselves for who they are is ultimately the last ditch effort they could ever take to salvage this volatile, fragile relationship. I mean, this optional dialogue really puts it best:

(This is the single line of dialogue that actually made me tear up btw, not even the splat/shots and such ending tore into me so much as this line). 

The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is, at its core, a cautionary tale of generational trauma and the cycle of abuse. How far will people go if pushed to their limits? Is it ever possible to remedy yourself once you’re at the point of no return? And is that remedy worse than the sickness itself? Can the doomed ever be redeemed? And if so, what are the necessary steps to take in order to redeem yourself, before it all goes dark? Andrew and Ashley can keep longing for one another all they want, but until Andy and Leyley are ripped and torn to shreds, neither will improve, and are fated to decay in the coffin of a different apartment, one built out of their own hangups and fears. We’ll see what episode 4 has in store, I trust the author will give us a satisfying conclusion. And speaking of the author…

The Meh: Changes to Episode 2

This new update brought about a couple of changes to the previous episodes as well. Namely, the wording for the decisions that split the story into Burial and Decay, as well as revamping the Burial route. I’ll be honest… I’m not a big fan of some of these.

For starters, this new update made me realize the author, as offline as she appears to be, is keenly aware of people’s opinions of the game and takes quite the contrarian attitude to people who miss the point of the story (something I can’t blame her for entirely, and seems to be the reason why things escalated so much in this chapter). Take for example the Grave Mistakes vision, Andrew explaining why they’re not addressing the Toxisoda thing anymore, and going as far as to add a bloody sprite for Ashley in the Burial route (something a few people were complaining about back in the day). Also, there is an optional dialogue in the highschool flashback that feels like a clapback to the Renee mod:

I’m glad the author is aware of people’s criticisms and takes the time to sort through them, but part of me wishes she didn’t try to over-explain some plot points. The thing that I originally loved about the game was the subtle storytelling, how it takes you a couple of playthroughs to fully understand everything lying beneath the surface. It plays tricks with you and makes you think about the characters’ true intentions, goals and desires, all the way until they spiral out of control and pretenses can’t be kept anymore. I liked that Ashley has a little back and forth between wanting to trust Andrew, being unable to because of her insecurities, and falling back on the trinket. But now…

The choice kinda spells it out for you already. For one, the choice of dialogue feels a bit clunky and also redundant given the next couple of lines confirm this already. The change in the olive branch choice, with it now being reflect/decline, doesn’t bother me as much, but this feels a little too in your face. Same thing with the changes to the Burial vision. I like that you have to put the green plushie back in the cage at the end, as it’s something you also did earlier in the puzzle, so it feels less contradictory. But the change to this line…

It’s honestly giving too much away. People go through the Burial route because they want the siblings to trust each other, and they select the left door for the questionable outcome because they want to make the questionable choice. However that route turns out, whether good or bad, is for us to find out as we play. And mind you, I already know it’s not ending so well given the hex Andrew gets in Burial is the same as in the Decay Andy route. That just cannot be any good. Plus, the fact that Burial is all about burying things under the rug. I suspect that while Decay is more about Andrew due to its reflective nature, Burial will be all about Ashley due to her nature of compartmentalizing. I imagine both Burial and Decay will have their own good and bad routes, but I’d rather not jump the gun into assuming what each will pan out to look like, as chances are I’ll be completely mistaken.

And I say this as a good portion of the fanbase was proven wrong with this new update, in terms of what Decay and Burial are about. The general consensus used to be Burial = romance, Decay = hate. Some fans even came up with the bizarre defense that the game is not so bad because the incest is totally optional! It's on the player to pick it. All the while you have Andrew grabbing Ashley's belt loops and cuddling her on the couch in both routes...

I can appreciate asking people to look at what's beneath the surface and analyze things a little more critically, but that was just plain wrong lol. In the back of my mind, I always hoped that Decay would address some of Andrew's feelings to completely shut down all the "optional" nonsense. Welp, that it did... way more than I anticipated.     

Anyway, my point with this last bit of the rant was that I hope these changes don’t become a trend of the author trying to make things clearer for normies or paying any mind to them, as that would only cheapen the storytelling. Those who get the story get it, and if not, they can read people’s shizo analyses online. But I don’t need my hand held throughout the game; I like figuring things out on my own. To wrap things up, I’ll just say I’m very happy with the outcomes we got. They were terrible, but necessary for the reasons explained above. I was originally very scared of the Decay route, as I didn’t know exactly what to expect and angry Andrew scares me. But this has quickly become my favorite episode of all and I can only hope the next ones do it justice. Keep cooking Nemlei, you’re doing good.

[riality-check]

DILF!Steve concert saga, featuring Eddie POV for this part! part 1, part 2

"I have to open it."

"Nope."

"Gareth. I need to open it."

"The vault is sacred," Archie says.

At the same time, Jeff chimes in, "The vault was your idea, Eddie."

Eddie thunks his head against the wall. "I know. But I need-"

"They're on the last song," Archie says, putting a hand on Eddie's shoulder. It's probably meant to be comforting, but it feels patronizing as shit.

Eddie is a good friend, though. He doesn't shrug him off.

"Once they're through, I'll unlock it," Jeff says, dangling the key slung around his neck.

"But you could do it now," Eddie protests.

Gareth sits protectively on top of the black lock box. "Absolutely not."

Eddie sighs and waits for the guitar solo onstage to end, nodding his head along to the beat.

It's what he usually does when they're backstage, but this time, it brings a smile to his face. Miss Anna was a natural yesterday for her first time headbanging, and her dad is the reason Eddie wants to break the sacred vault tradition.

He wants, no, needs to know if he got the note. If he decided to write something. If he wants to go a little further than PG flirting.

Eddie for sure wants to go further than that. God. Steve's handsome face and his big hands and his thick thighs (deliciously exposed by his shorts in the summer heat) are all wonderful incentives to skip a few steps and go straight to ramming him into a mattress.

Or, with how that shirt clung to Steve's biceps and how his shorts clung to his ass, let him ram Eddie into the mattress. He isn't picky.

(He isn't desperate, either, thank you very much, Gareth. And no, he won't admit how long it's been since he got laid.)

From the house, the audience roars, and Eddie jumps off the arm of the couch he was laying on.

Gareth sighs and gets off the lock box.

"Jeff, open it," Eddie says, staring at the vault and subconsciously making grabby hands toward it.

"Is that how we ask?"

"I could always yank the key off you."

Archie sighs and, ever the peacemaker, takes the key from Jeff and unlocks the vault. The second it's open, Eddie snatches his phone and turns it on.

Please please please let the DILF text back, he thinks to himself as he waits for this stupid metal brick to turn on and give him a resolution to this whole ridiculous situation.

Because, first, Eddie doesn't really jive with kids. Sure, they flock to him in the same way they flock to every other vaguely cool-looking person, but aside from asking if he has to draw his tattoos on every day or if his mommy is okay with him having his hair that long, they generally leave him alone.

And that's okay. Eddie easily made his peace with not having kids about ten years ago. Between his strong preference for men and the way that significantly decreases those odds and the choice to not pass on his truly abysmal family history of mental illness and addiction, it seemed obvious and a lot more selfless.

But Anna was cool as hell. Smart as hell, too, in a way that made Eddie feel like he was looking back at a time before school punished him for being bright and verbose and energetic.

Anna didn't make him want kids. Again, the whole family history thing is a real vibe killer. But she did give him enough fuel, for just an instant, to think that dating someone with a kid might not be a deal breaker anymore.

Or maybe Steve was just that hot.

He whined a lot yesterday, in the hotel, about how hot Steve was.

His phone turns on, and, front and center, is a text from an unknown number:

I guess I don’t have to ask you what you do for a living. Just so we’re even on that front, I’m a teacher, and Anna’s full time job is preschool.

Eddie grins so hard he feels like his face will split in two.

"Is it him?" Jeff asks, trying to look over Eddie's shoulder.

"Of course it is," Gareth scoffs. "Look at his face."

"What did he say?" Archie asks.

Eddie takes the easier way out and lets him have the phone.

Gareth and Jeff crowd over Archie's shoulders, and Eddie watches their faces change as they read the message.

"Oh, he's bitchy," Gareth says.

"That means he's perfect," Jeff says, with a pointed look at Eddie.

Eddie shoots Archie a clear "back me up" look and gets a shrug in return because all his friends are assholes who know his type way too fucking well.

"What do I say?" he asks.

Archie tosses him the phone. "I don't know. Flirt back."

"I don't know how!"

"You ground against a guitar-"

"And kissed me onstage," Jeff continues. "But you don't know how to flirt?"

Eddie puts his head in his hands. "I didn't have enough sex in high school to know how to do this!"

"That's not an excuse when none of us did!" Gareth says.

Jeff barks out a laugh.

"Just ask if he's free tomorrow," Archie says, like the rational, wonderful friend he is. "This was the last stop of tour. It's not like you have to get anywhere else at a specific time."

"Okay. Okay, yeah, I can do that," Eddie says, hyping himself up. Before he can second guess himself, he writes back.

Since it's summer, I'm assuming you both have off. Can you fit it in your busy schedule to have dinner with a humble musician tomorrow night?

"Oh, shit, did you send it?" Gareth asks, snatching his phone.

"Wait," Archie says, like the rational, horrible friend he is. "Do we know if he's single?"

"Oh, shit," Jeff whispers.

Eddie takes his phone back and refuses to look at it. He wants to shut it down. He wants to drop it. He wants to drive to nearest river and throw it there.

"Am I a homewrecker?" he asks absently.

"Only if you succeed," Jeff says.

"He might have a wife," Archie muses. "He might be straight."

"Okay, dude, enough," Gareth says. "This was supposed to be exciting! Eddie was supposed to get ass!"

"He might be ace."

"Archie, shut the fuck up."

He holds his hands up in surrender, and Jeff pats his shoulder, a little comfortingly, a lot condescendingly.

Eddie sits down on the couch. Puts his head in his hands. Breathes.

He's flirting with a married man. He's absolutely flirting with a married man. This is a new low. This is worse than the time he licked the floor of a restaurant, drunk, for five bucks. This is worse than when he greened out in the parking lot of a Chuck E. Cheese. This is worse than when he accidentally told the gas station cashier that he loved them and immediately walked into the glass door behind him.

This is. So bad.

And then his phone rings, so it'll get worse. It has to. That's how these things go.

Eddie has always been self-destructive, so, of course, he looks at the screen.

I can't swing dinner, but how's lunch? Fair warning: it might be a playground picnic if my babysitter bails.

"Holy shit, I'm not a homewrecker," Eddie says.

"I didn't think you had it in you," Jeff says.

"He's single!" Gareth cheers.

"Can I talk now?" Archie teases.

"I'm not a homewrecker!" Eddie says, and he launches off the couch to hug the nearest person, who happens to be Jeff.

They have to get out of the venue. He has to figure out the logistics of the date and how to be normal by the time he gets there and what to wear and everything else.

But, right now, Eddie is over the fucking moon that Steve is even giving him a shot. And he hopes, giddy as all hell and hanging off of Jeff's shoulders, that Steve feels even a little bit like this.

He writes back, once he's calmed down:

Lunch might just become my new favorite meal.

[mere-mortifer]

♥ Sanji/Reader Rec List ♥

40+ fics & authors suggestions! Click here to view this on a separate web page for easier navigation ♥

Sometimes I’m normal about fictional characters, other times I become psycho-sexually obsessed with them and relentlessly look for fanworks where they get smooched and hugged into oblivion. And by characters I mean Sanji.

So here’s a non-comprehensive list of Sanji/Reader fics that I love, most of them rated Explicit. This got sooo long because I kept finding other works to add while scrolling through my bookmarks and reblogs, it goes to show how good the fandom is! (Assume, unless otherwise stated, that Sanji is more on the sexually submissive side, since I like what I like and seek out that dynamic specifically.)

Authors I love

I’m starting this list with a few mentions of my favorite authors, although I’m sure I’m stating the obvious with most of these and you all know them already. Who cares! Go re-read their stuff! Leave a comment! Give them your money!

1. One Piece Works by @onlymurphy

Not to fall into hyperbole, but I owe OnlyMurphy my life. If you’re here reading this list then surely you love this author already, so this a good excuse to re-read the entire Grow Old With Me series. Sanji’s characterization is top-notch, and if you enjoy explorations of his self worth issues and how they would affect an otherwise loving romantic relationship then look no further. Also the author is a very talented smut writer (very talented writer in general, make no mistake), and that's the greatest accolade I can give them. Imagine me putting a gold metal around their neck but I’m the one who's moved to tears about it.

Honorable mentions for the filthiest-yet-very-romantic works in their catalog:

🌶 Do That Again

🌶 Wildest Dreams

🌶 If I’m Lucky

2. One Piece Works by @citrinae

I’m linking the masterlist for this author ‘cause I really like all their Sanji-centric fics, and I’d love, love, love to see more. Sanji is so princely and devoted, just an absolute dream of a man, and he’s putting a lot of effort into making the reader feel loved. He gets stellar results in my opinion.

3. One Piece Works by @thus-spoke-lo (GoldExperience86 on Ao3)

There are three fics in particular by this author that I couldn’t pick a favorite from if you held me at gunpoint: 

🌶 Let Me Help 

🌶 Worth the Wait

🌶 Dear Diary 

Have you ever read a sex scene so good you bypass getting horny and go straight into mourning, knowing you won’t be able to read it for the first time again? That has not stopped me from reading all these roughly a million times. Click on those links. Look at me in the eyes, listen very carefully: click on those links. I say this because I love you and want you to be happy. 

You will find other fics by them in the rec list because 1) I couldn’t resist and 2) I’m pretty sure they have more things posted on Tumblr than Ao3, at least as separate one-shots.

4. 🌶One Piece Fics by @untolduttering

Author, I know deep in my soul that you love Sanji as much as I do. Fortunately I’m okay with sharing. If anything I'm glad I'm not alone in the trenches.

Check out all her fics and snippets, her writing is incredible and I’ve loved every single thing about Sanji she’s ever posted. Each time I open Tumblr and I see a new post by her, my day gets a little brighter. She writes one of my favorite versions of Sanji ever, insatiable and devoted and so, so hot. He couldn’t be more my type if he tried. 

I want to single out her vampire!Sanji one-shot because I haven’t seen this trope used by anyone else and I liked it a lot! It fits so well, what with the theme of hunger and Sanji’s inability to ask for what he needs:

Hunger 

The meta post that inspired the fic

5. One Piece Works by @fanaticsnail

Fanaticsnail, you’re the only one who has ever made me willingly click on a smut fic that involved Doflamingo just because Sanji was there, too, and I love your Sanji so damn much (p.s.: everyone go read it, 🌶 Seat Number Four).

One of their fics also appears in the Sex Pollen section, and since that one is particularly filthy let me add here two fluffy, romantic fics where Sanji is all cute and flustered by the reader:

Kiss The Cook

Your Flirty Chef

Yearning & Pining

The title of the section is pretty self-explanatory: fics where and the reader are not together, but God knows they want to.

6. 🌶 Wanting by @froggiewrites

This fic…holy shit. I’m genuinely writing this with tears in my eyes. The yearning & pining & longing mixed with the sexual tension so thick you can cut it with a knife makes for a truly incredible read. Only for real Sanji lovers, if you’re not nodding along at each desperate thought the reader insert has about this man then I’m sorry but you’re only a casual Sanji liker.

7. 🌶 My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand by ladyhabanera

[screaming crying throwing up] no yeah I’m very normal about this fic, I like it a totally normal amount. In the Ao3 comments I say that “Sanji is��so so dreamy—a heady mix of submissive and deeply romantic”, and then if you scroll a little you find my other comment which is just me yelling in all caps at my second reread. I not only stand by both, but I’m doubling down. 

8. Puzzled by @mynewblackdress

What a lovely series, and what a lovely trope…misunderstandings due to bad communication are as irritating and useless in real life as they are incredibly fun to read about. The reader is convinced that Sanji’s earnest compliments are his fucked up way of making fun of her, and it takes a while before they figure out that he means every word. Give it a read if you want a break from the sea of smut that I’ve added to this list, and you're the mood for opla!Sanji in particular. 

9. Sweet Confession by @softonshanks

I have one specific weakness that I’m glad to often see in fics: Sanji getting a hug while he’s busy cooking, and he’s all cute and flustered about it because he didn’t expect the affection.  And this fic has that + Sanji’s a pining mess for the reader, who he’s FWBs with despite the fact that he’s totally in love with her + she’s taller than him and he loves it. I’ve hit the jackpot. I’d love to see more Sanji fics from this author, so much so that I’m gonna ask her pretty please in Italian: Sara, ti prego, facci sognare.

10. 🌶 Your Name by @strawhatsoraya

Now, the one pining in this fic is me. Sanji and the reader are actually complete strangers, but if what appeals to you in mutual pining fics is the gut-wrenching depth of the feelings described, then I think you should check out this little one-shot. My notes on Ao3 are “Tfw when a pwp hits your id so well it bypasses making you horny and goes straight to suicidal”—do with that what you will. Also, check out the rest of this author’s fics and make a whole evening out of it.

Ft. Zoro

Get that stinky Mosshead out of my sight…no, wait, let him stay. I guess we can take turns on Sanji or something.

11. 🌶 Picture You by @froggiewrites

I don’t usually read Sanji fics where Zoro is heavily involved, but I’m glad that that didn’t stop me from clicking on this one (also, to be fair, they take turns on the reader. Well, the reader takes turns on them.) My note on the Ao3 bookmark is “God-tier sad horny Sanji characterisation”...couldn't have said it better, me from the past. 

12. 🌶 Shaken Up Hearts by @lyriumcoloredskies

Okay so I lied, maybe I do like it when Zoro is heavily involved, as long as it’s a collab to team up on Sanji. Sanji gets lovingly demolished in this one, but before he gets there he’s sad like a kicked puppy about not being allowed to kiss both you and Zoro. Who am I to say no to a heavy dose of Zosan in my het Sanji smut?

13. 🌶 Nuvole e Lenzuola by redtendou

This one’s niche because it’s written in Italian. I was stunned by the author’s ability to make a graphic sex scene actually work despite Italian’s atrocious sex-related lexicon–trust me, it’s a struggle. If you’re into Zoro and the reader ganging up on Sanji and you understand Italian, definitely give it a read.

Spa day for the soul

Fics where you take care of Sanji, or Sanji takes care of you, or where there are actual spa activities thrown into the mix. God knows this man needs some TLC once in a while.

14. 🌶 My Pampered Prince by @sheerxfiction

It’s Sanji’s turn to spend some time flat on his back on the kitchen table–it’s what he deserves. If you’re craving a brilliant smutty fic where Sanji gets pampered then you've foudn it, the reader take really good care of him in this one–and I have to give bonus points for the heavy dose of Sanji’s self-worth issues and the readersinsert fighting back against his refusal to get taken care of. Get loved, idiot.

15. 🌶 Shower Time by @chibieggplant

Cute, hot, sexy–I’m talking both about the writing and Sanji in this fic. He takes a shower with the reader and spends the entire time in disbelief that he gets to tenderly wash her body, feeling quite embarrassed by how into it he is, despite the fact that this an established relationship fic. And that’s how I like my boys!

16. 🌶 Vinsmoke Sanji: Not all Men are Rats by livingonadaydream

I love, love, love fics where Sanji gets pampered…but it doesn’t hurt to read the complete opposite once in a while. A very sweet Sanji makes sure that the reader gets a very happy ending.

First Time

We'll never know the canonical sexual history for any One Piece characters because Oda is, unfortunately, a coward. However I'm not surprised that Sanji is considered by many the most virgin to have ever virgined in the history of virginity—so here's a list of fics where you pop his cherry. Be delicate, please...he's very sensitive.

17. 🌶 Say When by @venomatically

This one has to be the first I tell you about. If you go check the comments on Ao3 you’ll find me absolutely losing my mind after my first read, and there’s no quick comment I can add here to fully explain how much I love this author, her writing, and–Good Lord in Heaven–the way she writes Sanji. He’s a virginal pervert. He’s got that dog in him and it happens to be a cute little puppy. He’s so sweet and adoring he can’t bear to tell you how often he thinks about fucking you. I need someone to invent him in real life, it’s not even funny anymore. (Also, if you like to see Sanji actually get a little depraved, check out her other fic, too: 🌶 Letting Off Steam)

18. 🌶 Lust by @tetzoro

Ooh, this one’s hot. It starts so poetic and romantic, but as Sanji loses himself in the feeling the descriptions get more carnal. I love his POV here. Also it involves one of my favourite things ever: the readers starts on top but when it gets too good Sanji can't resist and he flips her over to do all the work himself. Who else cheered?

Sex Pollen

While writing this rec list I realized I have at least four sex pollen fics where Sanji eats something he shouldn’t and then…I wanna say “regrets it”, but the consequences are that he has hot sweaty sex with someone he’s really into. If he were to notice the trend I think he might start putting the wrong thing in his mouth on purpose.

19. 🌶 It’s a what flower?! by @sanjifucker42069

From the blog name alone I knew I’d found a kindred spirit. They have written for both the animanga and OPLA, and to be honest it’s hard for me to pick a favorite work. That’s a lie, this one’s my favorite. The author has a great sense of humor, and this fic in particular is both very funny and incredibly hot. I love how desperate and pathetic Sanji gets, and how hard the reader insert is trying to keep things PG before it becomes obvious they just have to fuck! Good problems to have if you ask me.

20. 🌶 a fever you can't sweat out by @cryocandy

I remember reading this one day right before work. My shift was about to start, and I was sitting by myself in the car reading the smoking hot sex scene for no good reason at all, ensuring that I wouldn't be able to focus on anything productive for the rest of the day. Sanji in this fic is so dreamy and cute and pathetic, all qualities enhanced greatly by the amazing writing. If you don’t think you like fuck-or-die fics, do yourself a favour and read this one anyway. 

21. 🌶 Needy Boy by @maddddstuff

My note on Ao3 for this one was “Single-handedly made me into spanking btw, if you even care”, and I stand by it. He’s the one that gets spanked by the way, in case someone was in doubt.

22. 🌶 Someone Help Me by @fanaticsnail

Sanji’s a mess in this one. A total and complete mess, and I loved every word of it–also, since in the first part Sanji is struggling against the effects of the sex pollen all on his lonesome, this fic might also appeal to my fellow Sanji whump fans.

Dom!Sanji & Co.

Just because I have a preference for Sanji being a sub it doesn’t mean I will scoff at fics where he’s more dominant in bed. Here are the ones I stumbled upon that I’ve really liked! (Also I’m using the term “dominant” very loosely here, in some of these fics he’s simply more assertive in bed.)

23. Too Much (Take Me Home) by @secretwritingspot

This is THEE dom!Sanji series for me. There’s no sex in it, it’s more of an exploration of the sub/Dom dynamic and why someone would crave submitting to another person. Sanji finds himself in the dominant role with little warning, but he’s damn great at it in his usual adoring and tender way. I’m linking the first fic of the series, but the author has written more for this scenario!

24. 🌶 Leg Day by 1LucaCola1

The title says it all; fantastic premise for a smoking hot pwp fic. If I had the opportunity to train and make good use of Sanji’s expertise, I’d also push myself too far until my legs were shaking, and then let him do other things to me to make the shaking even worse.

25. 🌶 very professional nights by @missfrustration

Ugh, I love this one! Sanji is your superior at the Baratie, and he’s so very stern with you until he isn’t at all. Love the bait and switch of a Sanji whose professionalism makes him act a little cold when clients’ satisfaction is on the line but simply melts when he’s alone with the reader. And everything he ends up doing to the reader in this fic, I’d hardly call a punishment.

26. 🌶 Doodled Hearts by Twisted_Inkwell

Soft dom Sanji fucks you hard but he’s sweet talking to you in French the whole time. I don’t know what else to add to convince you to read this one, that should be plenty.

In the kitchen

To fuck the cook, you’ll have to look for him in his natural habitat. Then you can proceed to ruin the kitchen table for everyone else.

27. 🌶 Midnight Snack by BombasticBastard

This fic is a part of a Sanji/Reader/Zoro series, but I’m linking Part 2 where it’s just you and our lovely boy. As the title says, the reader is craving a midnight snack and goddamn, she gets the best one the Sunny’s pantry has to offer. This could also go in the Dom!Sanji category because he quite literally talks you through it, as the kids say nowadays, but he also showers the reader in compliments & he confesses his love, so overall he’s too much of a big ol’ softie to call him dominant in any way.

28. 🌶 All It Takes by mooseskulls

Reader catches Sanji being the pervert that he is, stolen underwear and badly-hidden moans included. This one has both a gender neutral version and a transmasc!reader one, I thought that was lovely–this way lots of different people can enjoy the “getting bent over the kitchen counter” scenario. 

29. 🌶 Compliments to the Chef by @tigreblue

The Author says this is their first fic–if that’s the case, they’ve got a bright future ahead of them. We all know Sanji doesn’t easily accept love and gratitude, but some good ol’ finger-sucking ought to convince him. Things degenerate beautifully from there.

Dark(er)

By darker I mean that I’m adding here fics where Sanji is something other than an absolute sweetheart. You’ll understand how actually dark any of these fics are from my comments and the authors’ tags, but they all have the general vibe of “Sanji is a sleazy pervert” in varying degrees of illegality.

30. 🌶 appetite by @groubee

Ooh…this one’s fucked up. Sanji is an unreliable narrator that makes non-con somnophilia sound kinda cute, actually (it really isn’t.) In his defense he’s written as some sort of incubus-slash-sex-demon. The author doesn’t go into detail but they don’t need to, it’s all about the sickly sweet mood (emphasis on sickly) of a tender lover who’s also a horrible, horrible person.

31. 🌶 Letting Off Steam by @venomatically

He’s a freak in this one, but he’s soooo nice about it and he’s soooo thankful that you’re letting him be a complete pervert who can get away with waking you up by stroking his cock over your face. 

32. 🌶 Smile for the Camera by @thus-spoke-lo 

This one broke my heart and turned me on at the same time, I give it a full five stars. It’s a short and sweet one-shot where Sanji breaks down all your walls and then does the same to your trust in men…enjoy!

33. 🌶 Compliments to the Chef by @thus-spoke-lo

I realize only now that this fic and Smile for the Camera are by the same author. That’s not gonna stop me from reccing this little series, too–in the notes on Tumblr you can see that this was written for a “sleazeball collab”, which should tell you something about Sanji’s characterization. While reading this I felt like that lady in the comic about sexual harassment on the workplace…like yeah maybe I would be okay with it if the guy was hot enough. And by workplace I mean a shitty restaurant, and by guy I mean Sanji in the role of the line cook who smokes too much and is very transparent about wanting to bang you on the counter where lunch service is prepared.

34. 🌶 Use me by moosetracksandscenechanges

This fic! My God! I’m adding it here not because there are hard kinks or morally dubious dynamics between the characters, but I still think it fits. It has its sad moments due to a generally darker atmosphere and a more aloof version of Sanji (not that aloof, still recognisably himself)...but also he willingly gets tied to a bed. Sub Sanji lovers stay winning. My hopeless romantic heart hopes that Sanji and the reader will actually get together, but there’s a lot to love about the fwb dynamic they’ve got going on right now. A bittersweet read in the best way.

35. Conjugate the Ways by @secretwritingspot

Oh, Sanji has a foul mouth in this one, but he’s speaking French so he’s forgiven…also the reader has no idea what the hell he’s saying to her. It’s creepy in a cute way! The fic doesn’t include actual smut, it’s just Sanji fantasizing out loud about the things he wants to do with you, but if you’re in the mood for some good ol’ sexual tension, give it a read.

36. 🌶 Ma chérie by marriedtosanji

He lied to you! About being French, of all things! I would never forgive him. He’s really good in bed though, so he makes up for it. The smut here is so delightful it does a 180% and goes back to breaking my heart over the fact that I’ll never meet a cute stranger in a bar who wants to seduce and is also Mr. Sanji Onepiece himself. 

Voyeurism

I swear this isn’t even in my top 10 kinks, I guess that Sanji’s character simply inspires a lot of authors to put him in situations where he’s staring. Watching. Ogling. Observ–you’ve got the gist of it. 

37. “It’s entirely too obvious [...]” by @ofallthingsnasty

[giggling and kicking my feet] the reader makes Sanji sweat cold in this one…I love when he’s nervous, I love when he’s desperate for forgiveness! He doesn’t do anything bad, but the fic is all about him watching the reader eat and obviously liking it a bit too much. The mood is suggestive but overall it stays pretty innocent until the end.

38. 🌶 Voyeurs by snackshack

Thank you Zoro and Nami for your help in making this happen, we couldn’t have done it without you. Sanji and the reader are in a freak4freak relationship, a match made in Heaven. Very good smut and a delicious premise!

39. 🌶 Perversion by glossyjoonie

@Sanji: babygirl you suck ♥ Short and sweet fic part of a larger collection (there are other Sanji-focused chapters, check out those ones, too!) where Sanji gets caught spying on all his favourite ladies: Nami, Robin, and you. Robin sticks around for a while in this one, but in the end the reader is the one who shows Sanji what happens to boys who misbehave.

40. 🌶 Just Between Us by @mytanuki-kun

This man is always spying on you in the shower, in bed, from behind a bush or whatever…it’s about time he gets a taste of his own medicine. I adore this fic, I remember reading the first chapter and hoping the author would update as soon as possible because I was hooked. Sanji catches you ogling him in secret and he plays into it cause he’s a horny bastard and the love of my life. The writing is incredible and Sanji’s characterization is so, so dreamy and sexy and adorable.

That’s all, folks. You have enough material to survive a nuclear war, you can spend many happy decades closed in your bunker eating canned food and reading reader insert One Piece fanfiction. 

My final, desperate request is this one: does anyone have the link to a Sanji fic where he’s 40 years old and he hired a babysitter (you) for his kid, but then one night the kid is somewhere else and you two end up hooking up? Please? Pretty please? I think it was part of a collection or series but I can’t find it anywhere!

[blakbonnet]

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK: @soupbtch

Ever read a fic and go "they're so 😭" - that's every single Danny fic to me, aka today's second aotw feature, and god, what an amazingly talented author they are.

I'm so glad you decided to write and grace us with your lovely and bonkers fics, because I cannot imagine the OFMD fic world without your incredible Every Part of You series. I cannot imagine logging into this website without another incredible post from you. Every single thing you write (and do) leaves me in stitches and then, more often than not, you straight up chair your friends with your ultra soft way of writing how much they love each other - in between the much needed elbow fucking. You are such an amazingly kind person - hilarious, supportive, and the best cheerleader 💕 Thank you for answering my questions:

What's your writing process like? Do you start with the beginning or the end? Do you write in order or as the scenes come to you?

I start with a pretty detailed outline because if I don’t go in with a plan, I’ll drop threads and/or write myself in circles. Then I have my outline open on half of my screen while I have a separate doc open on the other half where I’m actually writing. I write in order from beginning to end.

Favourite trope or headcanon you like to explore while writing? (Things like Ed's sweet tooth, Stede's ability to bury his feelings etc)

I have a lot of fun writing angst, so I think any facet of that I can explore is a good time. Weigh them down with insecurities and see how far I can bend them with external factors like plot points, each other, or other characters before they snap. So things like Stede believing he ruins everything he touches, Ed believing he doesn’t deserve fine things, and how they both stand in the way of their own happiness because of these feelings. I also love exploring like, the horrible communication skills Ed and Stede have with each other when it comes to their emotions, and setting up story beats where that intercommunication can break down. Because they’re idiots (affectionate).

Whose voice is easier to write - Ed or Stede? Why?

Ed for sure. I find him very easy to connect with, emotionally. All my favorite characters think they’re unlovable monsters and no, this says NOTHING about me personally, etc etc etc.

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read

Red Skies at Night! It's modern au, but they're still on a boat! If you like slow burn, bitchy Stede, Ed with a tongue piercing, fun costumes, and a big dash of pining, I def recommend checking it out!! ❤️

What is the one word that you think you use a lot?

The one that comes to mind is ‘blink.’ Kind of a funny one, but to me, it’s such a juicy way to imply so much while saying so little, so I know I use it frequently. Stede asks, “Do you trust me?” and Ed blinks back at him as he tries to work out why that question hits him like a truck (because the answer is a very easy yes). Ed says, “You make me happy,” and Stede blinks back at him in awe (because Stede? Making someone happy? That can’t be true). You get it.

Do you have a beta reader? Have they made you a better writer?

Yes, Beedle (@sleepystede) and Connie (@spirker) have both beta read for me! They’ve helped me tremendously with flow and rewording awkward sentences, and I’ve improved a lot from their feedback. Connie has also been invaluable to bounce ideas off of for new fics and just generally pushing me to be more creative through her never-ending support and big beautiful brain.

Why OFMD 🥹

I loved season 1 when I first watched it, but as soon as I saw the season 2 trailer, something clicked in my brain. Where season 1 was slow burn, will-they-won’t-they, is this real or are they queerbaiting, season 2 was posing itself as very, very clearly queer. Stede is going to get his man. That’s it, that’s the show. Undisguised, unabashed, unapologetic gay yearning and gay romance. There are a million other things I can say, but I think it really all comes down to that. What a gift. No one does it like our show. 💖

Please head over to @ofmdlovelyletters (who also made the header) and send your love to all your favourite authors (and authors of the week 😈 watch that blog for some special letters coming your way)

[goldeneyedkim]

Shouto Headcanons

Since I am not actively writing anything BNHA for the moment (lemme get through May, I'll be back, I swear), I'm thinking about Todoroki Shouto.

Well, I'm thinking about Shouto and headcanons I've seen that I do not jive with, and since I'm in no position to throw stones with my "Shouto grows out his hair as an adult" why the fuck did Hori give him the ugliest ass shit hair cut that looks like he hacks it himself with fucking scissors? headcanon, I'm just going to share some other thoughts.

I'll start with my favorite headcanon and work my way back, since I've already mentioned it, but Shouto grows his hair out as an adult. It probably starts with just not getting around to getting it cut for a bit, so it was getting a little too long, and Enji, of course, had to say something about it, activating Shouto's inner troll, so he refuses to cut it out of spite. His hair is canonically fireproof, so he uses his fire to dry it, which generally makes haircare, even when it gets stupid long, a lot easier than it is for most.

Shouto absolutely has a spiteful streak, and I get literally endless mileage out of the fact that Shouto could make any number of decisions that would usually be dumb or even out of character in other circumstances because he wants to spite his dad.

Here's a big one I think gets overlooked: Shouto has terrible self-esteem. This is something that actually gets a lot worse after Izuku does his Talk-no-jutsu mojo on him at the Sports Festival. Up to that point, Shouto's fairly self-obsessed and is absolutely fixated on surpassing his father as a hero, and he would absolutely step on someone or over someone to get there. The thing is, when he's like this, he's also being as selfish and self-centered as Enji is about the task. Not a surprise, given his father, and this whole "pursuit of being a hero for the sake of recognition alone" is exactly why both he and Katsuki end up in the remedial course. It takes time for him to actually break down his motives for wanting to be a hero, even after he decides to own his own power. It's once he does--and once he really starts to allow himself to unpack his father's abuse--that we see Shouto's self-esteem for what it really is, and it's pretty awful. The way that Enji puts saving Touya explicitly on Shouto's shoulders makes it even worse, and here's why:

His entire life, Shouto has been explicitly told that 1) he was only ever born to achieve his father's ambitions, and 2) the only value he has is as his father's masterpiece. Shouto is not special; his quirk is. Deciding he wants to be a hero because he actually wants to help people is inextricably tied up in the fact that he feels his only real value is in his quirk. To not use it would be tantamount to blasphemy or sacrilege, but it's his quirk that's special, not Shouto.

The thing is--Shouto knows how powerful he is. He knows how competent he is. He's very confident in his power and his skill, and that confidence is usually a sign of good self-esteem. Except not in Shouto's case. Shouto turns that initial selfishness around to such an extreme that he takes selflessness to a dangerous level (and let's be real here, his best friend is Izuku, who is hardly a good role model with how much he hurts himself). He will put anyone and everyone's needs before his own--especially with his family. He becomes the kind of hero who will give and give and give until there is nothing left. Naturally, this also translates into him being an absolute workaholic. He doesn't see himself as anything special or remarkable--after all, his quirk is half his mother's, and half his father's, and he's pretty sure Enji couldn't have made him more perfectly to fulfill his vision of an heir if he tried. Yes, he's powerful, but he's powerful by design. It wasn't blind luck of the draw or even hard work--because it takes a long time to truly understand how much his childhood training was extreme--but even his mastery doesn't feel earned because he was forced to master it, it was just what was expected of someone with his power. Worst of all--he always rose to the challenge and basically proved it right. Only he doesn't see it as "rising to the challenge," but "meeting the bare minimum." Because Enji did not set the bare minimum bar low, and Shouto definitely does not have a realistic perspective on exactly how high it was set.

And if Shouto hadn't internalized that his only value was in his quirk before finding out Touya was alive, he definitely did it after. He had to save Touya, and no one once considered that it might kill Shouto to do so.

He loves his friends but he doesn't really understand what he brings to the table. He's just really, really glad they seem to value him too.

As far as shippy fics go--most of the long ones will deal with Shouto's partner recognizing his shit self-esteem and trying to help him value himself the way his friends and partner does.

[lightlycareless]

What are things that Naoya’s kids do to purposely annoy him?

Hello!!

I think they'd be many things tbh, considering he ends up having like 5 kids 🤣 so the list could be endless... but let's start with a few :> some a bit Naomi-centric because it's easier to write it like that.

warnings: none. domestic fluff. Naoya is a good dad in his own way 🥹

Also: I recommend reading these two too :> (oneshot 1, oneshot 2) somewhat related to this ask.

Happy reading!

Let's start by how cute it would be for Naoya to chase Naomi once she gets a hold of her technique (I will forever HC all of his kids being carbon copies of him 🥹❤️).

Like, he'll want her to get into the bathroom to take a shower, or get ready for school or something and she's like:

“No, papa!” Before running off giggling, Naoya trying his best to catch up. He may be an excellent sorcerer with undisputed control over his technique and seemingly never-ending stamina, but he is still nothing compared to a stubborn child determined to have her way.

Naoya eventually catches up to her, and while he's concerned (scared she might hurt herself 🥺, she’s still a baby with much to learn) and exhausted after the whole ordeal, he's happy too to see that his baby has lots of potential, essentially winning her a good position in the clan / jujutsu society.

The other thing would be feeding the cat you both eventually get her with things she's not supposed to. They're already glued to one another, but this just takes their friendship to a whole new level.

Though this would soon stop after her poor kitten gets sick :( thankfully nothing bad, but neither you nor Naoya had ever seen Naomi so distraught in your life! This definitely brought forward a much-needed conversation about proper care for pets and such. Naomi became a very responsible pet owner after that.

And lastly, this is Naoya's personal bane: when either of his kids follow Mai and Maki’s antics in bothering him. Just about… anything involving the 3 is enough to annoy him. And with good reason! They like to instigate Naoya through his babies just to hide behind you when things get too real 🤣 I envision they'd encourage Naomi into calling her papa a loser, silly, ugly, “mama is too good for him” so on and so forth.

Though there would be a point where Naomi defends her papa, especially when his affection/veracity of his relationship with you is questioned.

“Mama loves papa very much and he loves her too!!” she’d cry. “Papa loves me too… right?”

The twins would stop their teasing for a while after that, feeling like absolute garbage for upsetting such an adorable girl and subsequently doing their best to cheer her up. Or at least to stop her from telling you or Naoya what happened—wouldn’t work, but there are no real consequences since you know they meant no genuine harm.

Now of course, some of his kids are more mischievous than others (Naohime…) but I think those are like the general guidelines of things they’d do to annoy Naoya 🤭

This made me want to write more of his other kids, like, I forgot they were supposed to have 1 other boy, and twins. 😶 as well as first-time scenarios involving Naomi. Thankfully, I have enough excuses to do so hahahahaaaaaaa which I hope you'll like as well 🥹❤️

Thank you so much for sending in this adorable ask!! Take care and hope to see you soon ❤️❤️

[offbrand-deltatraveler]

Tbh I get that all the episodes of this arc being extremely rushed and episodic and awkwardly cutting off instead of having proper endings is just part of the YouTube Shorts aesthetic, but it really doesn’t work for an episode as important as today’s that was a video and not a Short. And arguably never worked for any more serious story-important episodes tbh

(Spoilers for pretty much everything and just a lotta general negativity ahead)

Like things like the explanation of the lore and the countdown could be done in Shorts because they were clearly made with the fact that they were going to be Shorts in mind, but when things finally started to pick up it felt less like Shorts and more that they were only showing us little bits and pieces of a much bigger story that we’ll never get to see and that really messes with the immersion

“But the world doesn’t exist outside of when Chikn wants it to. The Shorts are all there is to see. That’s the point” the point is stupid

And that doesn’t even work because if the world can only exist when Chikn wants it to then everyone should be dead. How did any episode or even any moment without Chikn in it ever exist if that’s the case? How are the characters shown to have done things off-screen multiple times?

Also furthermore like. Everything was just so rushed???

Like one minute Chee is getting upset and ends up punching Chikn so hard it knocks him out (Not to mention she didn’t even punch him in the face and just kinda awkwardly pushed him. Would’ve been cool if she scratched him being a cat and all but the devs didn’t wanna go for that for some reason), but in the next scene she’s smiling like nothing was ever wrong to begin with, and somehow manages to trigger a flashback without even saying anything?

Also the devs teased a lotta puppet imagery with Chikn that they can’t decide whether or not they actually want because there was that whole thing about how while the chaos is caused by Chikn, he still feels like a part of it rather than the cause of it (“Sometimes I feel like I’m just… A puppet on a stage”), which is presumably because of his chaotic powers running wild and trying to take control of him, but in this episode that apparently was completely retconned in favor of Chikn himself feeling like he has to destroy the world. Which I can also see as well with how Bezel keeps egging him on but 1. They didn’t have to replace one with the other. It’d arguably be more interesting if both were true at once (Chikn feeling like he has to fulfill his destiny and destroy everything made it easier for his powers to get the better of him), and 2. Bezel never said anything to him that would actually make this work. He didn’t even know about his destiny until his powers started doing their thing because Bezel explicitly refused to tell him. Where did these feelings of having to fulfill his destiny even come from? How does he even know there’s a prophecy instead of thinking that he just happens to have weird powers?

Or maybe he did. Maybe all that stuff did happen and does have an explanation and we just won’t see it because they don’t show us the full story

And also speaking of Bezel what happened to “Everything must be cute. Everything must be nice”? If Chikn is so convinced that he must follow his destiny of destroying the world what was up with that part where he explicitly stated that he doesn’t want the world destroyed?

(Also also speaking of Bezel, the reveal of him being the doomsday clock was cool and really clever but like. If he’s not the embodiment of time why didn’t Iscream & Fwench Fwy literally just kill him?)

“Well maybe his powers did what power usually does and began to corrupt him” They should’ve said that. As the viewers, AKA the people who are not writing the story, it is not our job to fill up plotholes

And also that still goes for the “Puppet on a stage being controlled by the chaos inside him” angle while today’s episode goes for the “Bezel gaslit Chikn into thinking his destiny is inescapable” angle

And also furthermore if he’s convinced he has to destroy everything why didn’t he eat her? Why didn’t he ever try to hurt Chee or show that he was going to (And yes, I do mean show. Chikn tells her over and over again that his destiny makes him dangerous for Chee to be around, but she is never shown to be in any real danger)? Maybe instead he could’ve started trying to do that thing he did in one of the earliest episodes where he pulled out her pin and she just died. Maybe seeing her like that could remind him of that time and that could’ve been the thing that triggered the flashback

Not to mention the whole reason this happened in the first place was because Chee stopped hanging out with him and that made him feel lonely and the emptiness and boredom he felt allowed him to become aware of his powers and how they affect people. Why was that never brought up throughout like any part of this whole thing? “We’re all here for you” He doesn’t want a “We’re All” he wants you specifically. That’s why he’s doing all this. That was the whole significance of Chee going to talk to him

And speaking of how his powers did that thing to Chee, quick sidenote to mention how we never see the result of that. We never see what exactly happened with Chee that stressed him out so much or how Cofi and Slushi reacted to it and that wouldn’t been such an interesting thing to show. And no this is not because of an episode limit they literally have 300 of them

And speaking of Slushi, why do we never see her reaction to the fact that all of this was Chikn’s fault? Between Chee randomly walking out on their hangout and Chikn’s powers rubbing off on Sodi she has to have noticed

And the line delivery in this episode was shit because we know Chikn Nuggit characters can sound genuinely emotional when they need to

tl;dr: The “Silly little relatable Shorts made by a small group of people who just wanna have fun” aesthetic doesn’t work well when applied to Shorts that aren’t silly or fun. Trying to uphold this vibe has done infinitely more to hurt the story than to help it

[keystonepublishing]

The Purim of the Philosophers by Jonathan Edelstein

Jonathan Edelstein has cropped-up in this blog for several times now, and not without good reason. I knew him from almost a decade ago on an internet forum and his stories - short and long-form - have captivated me by their depth and ingenuity.

So no surprise, I decided to bind yet another short fiction of his. After my first two binds of his work, I actually made a promise to myself to bind two more stories of Jonathan's before the year closes out.

One of them was Of Letters They Are Made, and the other is this: The Purim of the Philosophers.

Set in an alternate France where the Albigensian Crusade went unfinished, the Languedoc is its own kingdom, and the political situation is still explosive, The Purim of the Philosophers tells of a Jewish official sent by the Languedoc king to the city of Marseilles to quell tensions between the Jewish communities, all while the French north is gearing up for another war with the south...

Now, while this all sounds fascinating, I doubt I will remember all the background context in 20 years' time. That was why I decided to write a preface to explain the bewildering history of the region, balancing out the need to explain history with the constraints of a small page.

To be honest, I think there is enough historic oddness about southern France to make an original compendium, but I digress.

As with previous binds, I have a love for filling in pages with images that capture the feel and mood of the story, and this bind is no exception.

Additionally, parts of the tale is told in the form of letter correspondence between the Jewish official and his son, which I formatted using the 1475 Humanistica Cursiva font. I love the old-timiness of the letters so much that I eventually used it for multiple other things in this book, including the chapter headers and title strip.

The main body text is Alegreya, with a large drop cap of Harrington colored red to give an impression of illuminated manuscripts.

And as always with me, I added-in a comments section to preserve what people thought and discussed of this story when it was first published on alternatehistory.com.

But after all of that, I still feel like giving the background stuff of this tale more justice. So with some consultation from the author, I put-in two more sections denoting the main characters of the story and their real-life counterparts, as well as minor Jewish, French, and Occitan terms that were sprinkled throughout the book.

I have to say, it was quite an experience Googling up which terms meant what to a faith that is not really known to the general public east of India. I think I learned more about Judaism in the last 3 weeks than I ever had in the last 5 years, or even 10!

All in all, this bind was one of the more easier ones to make. I would have made this quicker if not for stuff at work and home delaying progress for a bit. I so wish I could make more than 1-2 books a month, but better to have those 1-2 books than no books at all.

[5eraphim]

this thought has been rotting my brain for about a week now and I've just worked up the courage to request this, feel free to delete this if you don't want to write btw.

Yandere medic had kidnapped the reader a while ago, and medic got home after a long day and the reader just sort of walks up to medic and hugs him, completely unprompted.

Idk I need something fluffy in my life.

(I am so bad at writing fluff- but it is funny the one fluff request I've gotten is for Medic of all people 💀 Hope you enjoy!)

Title: Night Light

Character: Medic 🕊️ (Team Fortress 2)

Rating: M (MINORS DNI- GO PLAY OUTSIDE)

Content Warnings: yandere, possessive behavior, mind break, hurt/comfort, toxic relationship, implied NSFW, kidnapping, touch starved reader, cuddles, reader is gender neutral, implied dehumanization/slight infantilization

Word Count: 1.9K

MASTERLIST

TIP JAR

"When you grow accustom to something, when it becomes part of your everyday life, you notice when it suddenly vanishes.

If only my heart were made of stone."

Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Time had never passed as slowly during your captivity as that evening. He was late coming home, not a rarity, though you couldn't shake the feeling something about tonight was different. A certain air of restlessness only heightened your agitation. Minutes passed like hours while you were rooted at the window waiting for the harsh white headlights to cue Medic's return home.

As you waited, poised right by the bedroom's window, you paced back and forth, wearing a thin blanket from the bed as a shawl across your shoulders, wringing the ends with your hands nervously. As though it was physically impossible to still yourself. 

Never before had the 10 x 10 bedroom you were confined to while Medic was out of the house felt as claustrophobic as it did now. You weren't allowed out of this room when Medic wasn't home, it wasn't much, but you still got a shiver down your spine remembering how he left you chained to a radiator in the basement after your first escape attempt. At first, Medic wanted to trust you, giving you access to roam the top floor of his house while he was gone, though that lasted less than a week after you'd tried to run away, shattering a window and nearly severing a vein when you tried to pull yourself through.

After that, you were taught the hard way any comfort in this house was to be earned, and your petty act of rebellion or insolence would only result in punishment. Being chained up in the basement was the worst, but there were other ways Medic would force you to obey his commands and diminish any dignity you held onto. If you wanted clothes, you would have to wear what he provided for you, assuming he felt generous enough to supply any. If you wanted to eat, you'd be lucky if he let you eat at the table with him; it was marginally less degrading than when he fed you while you sat on his lap, though this wasn't nearly as bad as when he would force you to feed from a bowl on the floor at his feet. If you didn't want to sleep on the cold floor, not only were you forced to share his bed, but be obedient and not give him a reason to kick you out. 

Nowadays, you aren't so resilient. You knew Medic was a sick bastard, and you knew if you kept testing him, there was a good chance your luck would eventually run out, and he'd do something severe. Even if the obedience was faked, Medic appeared appeased. He remarked on how much easier it was to hold you when you weren't struggling or how beautiful you looked when you smiled for him. You wanted to believe you were only doing this for your safety, that you truly hated Medic with your entire heart, and that you'd die before ever loving him back. But as the days began to pile up and your resistance slipped away, Medic grew genuinely kinder. You couldn't help but feel some inexplicable yearning for Medic. When he was gone, you were always alone, the feeling as dismal as it was inevitable. And while you might still fear him, when Medic was home, you felt a bittersweet acceptance of your situation. 

After what felt like an eternity passed, you watched headlights drawing closer as you watched Medic's car pulling into the driveway. Your heart leaped into your throat as you listened to the sound of the door being unlatched. Springing from waiting by the window, you stood in front of the bedroom's door; your blanket-shawl slipped off your shoulders and fell onto the floor as you strained your ears to listen, vaguely able to hear Medic kicking off his boots, dropping off his white coat before finally making his way up the stairs. You could feel your heart beating in your ears as you listened to Medic unlocking the door while you stood frozen in place, waiting to see Medic at last. 

He pulled open the door and, for a moment, appeared surprised to see you standing there waiting for him. For a beat, the two of you stared at each other silently, unsure of what the other would do next, Medic opened his mouth to say something, but you were faster. Moving determined, though awkwardly, you extended your arms out before reaching for Medic, wrapping your arms around his neck, and pulling him into a tight hug. For a moment, Medic was stunned and motionless with shock, feeling you pulling him closer to you with silent neediness.

"Please hold me back." Your voice came out breathy and hushed, the words tumbling out before you even realized what you were saying as you mumbled as close to his ear as you could, arms wrapping just a touch tighter around Medic's shoulders, as though you hadn't seen him in weeks. You couldn't see his face, more content to shut your eyes and burrow your face into his chest, inhaling his scent. Though silently, you knew you wanted more. A part of you wanted to tear the clothes right off of him and feel the heat of his body directly against your own skin. But for now, you were content to savor the moment as it was, hearing the faint sound of his heart beating in rhythm with every breath he took. 

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around your torso, returning the embrace with equal warmth. "I was surprised to see the light still on when I pulled in, were you staying up to see me again?" You nodded, head still buried in his chest. 

He always said you looked so cute when you nuzzled him like this, and he couldn't help but hum with satisfaction seeing you all needy. "Aw, were you worried I was spending time with someone else? Were you jealous?"

He was clearly trying to mess with you, but you couldn't help but raise your voice a little, responding, squeezing him tighter in your arms. "No! I was afraid, Medic!"

Pulling your arms from his shoulders, you let him hold you while you continued, feeling as though tears were about to fall at any moment.

"I missed you… I missed you a lot." You wanted to explain yourself, convert these intense and enigmatic emotions into words, to explain to Medic and yourself. 

He pulled away just enough to face you, "Why don't we go lay down for a moment? You look like you could use that." Nodding silently, you let him guide you to bed, pulling back the covers before tucking you into bed, allowing you to situate yourself before crawling in right next to you. The warm, almost calm look never once left his face as you writhed for a moment uneasily, trying to find a comfortable position beside him. Eventually, settling down to lay on your side, wrapping one arm over his chest and a leg just over his lap. Medic's arm stretched across your shoulders to pull you closer, his other hand under the blanket, rubbing his fingers along the thigh, you draped over him. At that moment, you felt almost as though you were back in the body of a child, curling up in your parent's bed after a nightmare. Even now, you continue to nuzzle your face against him. You had an entire day of loneliness to undo, but now that you could feel him so warm and close, all your stress and tension were melting away. Sighing, you pulled away, looking up at Medic with eyes half-lidded with admiration.

"What happened to you while I was gone?" He tried to force a chuckle as though he were joking, but the glimmer of curiosity in his eyes gave away his sincerity. 

Resting your cheek against his chest, staring blankly at the wall, you answered in a dull voice. "I don't know, and I can't explain it. But when you were late, I guess I just started to miss you, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop." 

As you spoke, your voice grew frailer. It hurt to think about the isolation, the loneliness, everything you'd endured stuck in a cloister confined to one bedroom. 

Medic made a noise of sympathy, "But you know I'd be back; you know I'd never abandon you, don't you?" 

Of course, you knew; the Medic told you many times before he'd die before leaving you. But Medic never knew how to stay dead; realistically, you knew he always managed to find his way back to you.

"Today, waiting for you to come home, it hurt. It hurt more than ever." Internally you felt a twinge of guilt; you just wanted to enjoy your time with Medic now that he was finally home; the last thing you wanted was to make him worry about you. But you weren't lying, and you felt that if you kept all your loneliness bottled up inside, you'd lose your mind altogether. 

He looked down, his brow creased slightly with worry. "Have you been feeling ill?" 

You shook your head, "Not sick, just worried."

Hearing this, Medic's cheeks reddened slightly. For the first time in ages, you'd managed to be the one to fluster him, and you had to admit, he looked bizarrely cute like this. His typical mania softened into something entirely different. Sure, you'd seen his softer side before, but you felt as though you'd never really appreciated it until now, and your heart ached with a lonely kind of affection. 

"Worried about me?" His head cocked to the side a little, unable to entirely process the words leaving his own mouth. You tugged at his shirt lightly, scrunching the fabric with your fingers.

"I worry because I care about you. I think I've felt this way for a while, waiting for you to come home… I don't know- but I feel like all these feelings are finally coming together. I love you, Medic." You could've sworn you felt Medic's heart beating a bit faster as you rambled, but you knew for sure you felt him gasping slightly hearing you say, "I love you."

It's not like he'd never heard those words from you before. But every time before now, it was prompted, whether as a response to his own "I love you" or via threat to hurt you if you didn't say it. Though that isn't to say you'd never thought this before. Though saying it out loud, at last, made it all finally feel real.

He leaned down to kiss the top of your head, mattering against your scalp, "I love you too, my love. I always have, I always will."

He continued, "You are the light of my life, and I swear, no matter how far I go- I will always find you."

For the first time all night, the tears you'd kept bottled up for so long began to fall. Though now you wept with joy, feeling a kind of levity in your heart you doubted you'd ever known before now. Medic stroked the back of your head as you wept into his chest, wetting his button-up with your tears. It was a comfort to assure yourself no matter how much time he spent away from you or how he punished you for disobedience in the past, he would always make up for the lost time when he found his way home. Not the building he lived in, but by your side, wrapping his arms around you, where he truly belonged.  

[bestworstcase]

Question from someone who's attempting to write rwby fanfiction. Do you have any advice on how avoid portraying team RWBY and their peers (JNPR, Penny, Oscar, etc) as people who are 'just better' or somehow more inherently virtuous than Those Evil Villains Over There Who Must Be Defeated and The Failures Of Generations Past? Because I want to write the girls and their friends bringing an end to a millennia-long conflict and upending the status quo and yeeting the brother gods, but like. I don't want to somehow imply that they have some special holy righteous sacred innate thing that made them succeed where others couldn't. And I feel like I keep accidentally implying that.

step 1. Worry Less.

if you don’t believe that RWBY et al are intrinsically Just Better Somehow you’re probably not going to write your story in a way that inadvertently implies as much even if they’re ultimately the ones who Solve The Problem. they’re just in the right place at the right time to escape this cycle these things happen bfrgk

step 2. remember that everybody does what they think is right

no one is a Bad Person on purpose and even when someone does something they know or believe to be wrong there is always some rationalization going on that makes it okay or makes it something outside of their control. keeping this in mind whenever you write character conflict is really important for portraying conflict in a naturalistic way—even if it isn’t something you put In The Text it’s useful for you as a writer to know what’s Going On in the heads of the characters who are wrong and why they’re doing the things that they do.

(a good exercise if you want to practice is to rewrite a scene from the other side’s point of view; if you have for example an argument between two characters who are both extremely convinced of their own rightness and don’t like each other, can you leap into the antagonist’s perspective and write that argument from their side in a way that paints the protagonist as irrational, stubborn, foolish? if you can switch your writer POV around like that to see things from the Wrong Perspective it becomes a lot easier to handle complex conflicts because you have a really solid grasp on what everyone’s stakes and opinions and reasons are.)

step 3. don’t be afraid to let the Good Guys fuck up & don’t be afraid to let the Bad Guys have a point

rwby does this really really really well. nobody is ever one hundred percent completely right—not in the story and not in real life—so letting the good guys be a little bit wrong and the bad guys be a little bit right creates points of common ground and margins for compromise to be built in between. and obviously if you have protagonists who are able to make mistakes and grow and accept compromise then Innately you have protagonists who are flawed and three dimensional, because if they were Perfect they wouldn’t need to learn or grow.

step 4. think about Why these characters are the ones who solve the problem

this is something that’s just helpful to have in mind as a writer to clarify your own framing; often the answer is a lot more about circumstance than any intrinsic Betterness and in the case of rwby a lot of it just comes down to the fact that salem attacked when she did—team rwby et al weren’t inculcated into the paranoid keeping secrets cult and didn’t have ozpin to lead them, so they figured out their own way of doing things that (because it plays to humanity’s strengths) works a lot better.

y’know how every time someone new is let in on the secret, the first question they ask is “why don’t people know? why not tell everyone?” the story is making the point that the natural, instinctive human response to finding out about a secret war is to go “it shouldn’t be secret!”—ozpin has to work very hard and be extremely careful about Who he initiates into this conspiracy because his methods run contrary to human nature. it takes active effort to quash that reflex to ask for help. what makes team rwby et al "special" isn’t anything unique to them, per se; its that they learnt the truth outside of this coercive environment that trained the old guard to Never Tell Anyone, so they intuitively grasp that telling more people and asking for help is better than not. because Most People put into this situation would intuitively grasp that.

[tavina-writes]

i want to share salt. have you ever had a ship that annoyed you so much it starts poisoning other ships you could have potentially liked? because this is me with xiyao vs nielan. like, xiyaos are so fucking loud and proud of the fact that he sides with jgy over everybody else multiple times in ways that turn out to be incredibly hurtful. so it gets to the point i can't even enjoy cute teenage nielan art knowing xichen is going to so catastrophically fuck this up by repeatedly writing off mingjue as just imagining things and lying to him and leveraging their relationship for someone else's benefit and handing his killer the method to kill him and that people are *gleeful* about all that.

Hi Nonny!

First off, I want to offer you a hug, because this sort of feeling about fandom is never a fun thing to experience, and since you recognize that this is a salty ask, you might want nothing more than a "hey I see this and I get it in some part!"

But if you're thinking about how you might improve this situation and like, enjoy interacting with 3zun fandom again/mdzs fandom in general, I have a few ideas:

block everyone whose takes are pissing you off. There needs to be no bigger reason than "You know what, your takes are ruining this fandom experience for me" or "making me slightly more irritated than I would've been." There's no shame or like, anything wrong with this. Ultimately, we all live in this mosh pit of stuff together, and I might think everyone has a right to whatever kind of take they want, but I don't have to martyr myself on the cross of "hearing all sides" or whatever, and neither do you Nonny.

Recognizing which things are fanon and which are canon. This might help, but like, LXC doesn't, canonically, keep picking JGY at every turn. He is a flawed character with his own problems (as are they all in MDZS lol) but this is...not really what's happening? People can say what they want in their meta and their headcanons and interpretation of canon, but that doesn't make it...true.

this goes with 1 and 2 but also: if a fandom or a ship or a trope or something no longer brings you joy Nonny, there's always the opportunity to pack it up and leave it behind, either permanently or for a time. There's nothing wrong with not being "on" about a ship or fandom or recognizing that it was once something you really liked but not something you enjoy right at this very moment.

All that said, I'm personally of the opinion that there's a very loud and vocal part of the xiyao fandom (who exist on my blocklist by now) who've made me lose interest in the ship altogether, because the parts of the ship that I find most interesting -- the deceit, the almost gothic horror vibes, the slowly rotting center of their relationship when it didn't begin that way -- is obviously not what most (or what seems like most) people who ship it are looking for. And overall, I'm sure that it's no loss to not have me there, and that I (a NieYao girlie at heart) would not be welcome in that sandbox, so like, Nonny, I do get you and your frustrations. Ultimately I guess sometimes it's just easier to recognize that not all fandom spaces are welcoming and to find places that serve you better.

[toriafiction]

Lightning in his Eyes and Thunder in his Wings

Author's Note chapter 4

Introducing

Dick "I need to fry some bastards" Grayson

And

Jason "I'll break you if you touch him" Todd

I'm excited about having gotten this far. I personally feel like this is where things really start in a way. Chapters 1 and 2 are backstory, and chapter 3 is the transition, but chapter 4 is the start of what I think of as current time.

You might notice a change in pacing from here on. There won't be any big time skips, just brife mentions of a few weeks passing between point A and point B here and there, but nothing substantial. While the passage of time will be slower, events will pick up.

Years have passed between the events in Titans Tower in chapter 2 and the beginning of chapter 4, and in that time Dick had created a new normal for himself, something that he believed was sustainable. Now, as promised in the story summary, Jason is back and, by merely existing in his space, has awakened something that is going to flip Dick’s world upside down.

Dick isn't human, and he has gotten to complacent with that fact.

This chapter introduces Jason into the story as an interactive character that we are finally getting to see, and I wanted him to come in with a big entrance that felt genuine to the story. This led me to writing my first ever fight scene. This was both easier and harder than I thought it would be. Dick’s sole fight was easy. I wanted to showcase how he used his abilities in a fight and him just being a badass fighter in general, so I just let him kick ass. No problem.

I had a problem after I brought Jason in. I really wanted to have them fighting together, not just in the sense of fighting back to back but actually playing off each other. Such as where Dick rolls across Jason’s back to defend him. I wanted to have more things like that, but I couldn't come up with anything. I even tried looking up fighting videos, and that was a huge bust. I hope I still got the point and the feelings across.

The next problem I had was even worse.

Talking.

I had no idea how to have them interact or what to have them say to each other. I knew the emotions and what the ultimate outcome of the interaction was supposed to be, but I agonized over this tiny little part for weeks. I even wrote around it until I hit the exact same problem with the next chapter.

I was stuck, and at that point, I stepped away from this work for quite a while, and it sat collecting dust in my docs for some time. When I came back, I still didn't know how to write the scene, but I wanted to keep my focus on this story, so this is the point that I started naming chapters. I also changed the name of the fic at this point. I was using a temporary name of "Lightning Strikes Twice." I knew that it wasn't a title I wanted to keep, and while I sometimes worry that my current title may be too long, I am much happier with it.

I finally got over my writer's block with this section while I was at work one day. I was hit with the idea of Dick’s line about Jason being snake bitten, and it seemed to shake everything loose. During my break, I made a rough outline of the scene and jotted down a few ideas for the next, and finally, I was able to move forward again. Yay!

Previous notes- 1st, 2nd, 3rd,

[kosmicdream]

I got this ask on curiouscat but.. the site wont let me post my reply?? so i just decided to put it here since i dont get a lot of questions these days. so i like to answer them when i actually have something more to say. this one also went kinda off topic but w/e.

==

Q: How do you keep the motivation to work on all your long comics? I always start and then abandon a project cause another distracts me or I feel unsatisfied with the result... I admire your commitment so much!

===

Aw, thank you! I really appreciate it. But don’t get too discouraged.. I get distracted too! I currently have 9 ongoing comic projects with 2 more i eagerly want to start drawing, and at least a dozen concepts on the backburner that have been around for sometimes over a decade. I think that what I’ve found, is that starting a new comic takes so much time. It takes a lot of time to get a story really rolling, time to learn how to draw the story how you want and in a weird way - having a longer comic you’ve had more experience with, you can pull a lot more things from. I generally find that FFAK and NRD are much easier comics for me to work on because of all those years of experience with them. But it still can get demoralizing if i focus too much on the faults or how long I still have to go. Sometimes its easy to feel that readers have lost interest and moved on, or its just not as good as you wanted it to be, ect. If you look for reasons like that, reasons to demotivate you, you’ll find them in spades.So i try my best to NOT do that, because working on a comic is hard enough.

In a weird way, when i sometimes find myself in the pit of struggles like this - i realize every author ive ever read has been in the same shoes as me. There is no artist that just magically has it easier and never runs into some challenges like this, some challenges can never be overcome because they’re part of the experience of making the project. There’s limitations involved and things change overtime. You won’t always have the same experience with the same story as you make it, or the same feelings involved. Sometimes that's really hard to let go of, if you feel the earlier years were so much better than the struggles you have now. I know I faced that hurdle with FFAK and I am currently going through that with NRD, but even the harder times do change too. It never gets easy to make a comic, but it changes. 

With FFAK, i don’t honestly know how I will finish the complete story. I often struggle too, especially with the third (final) arc, if it really is good enough. In a way, a lot of places of it feel incomplete and rushed, so I tend to worry a lot about how that will go. However, I never thought i’d have a comic like FFAK in the first place, so i feel really lucky to have made it this far at all. Endings do scare me, as there’s just so much pressure involved to deliver and even reach it at all, that it feels almost like an impossible fantasy to pull off in a satisfying manner to yourself or the readers. However, I do think I’ve gotten more excited to reach endings than I used to be even a couple years ago, and I have gotten more forgiving of myself for not being perfect at it. No matter what I manage to make, I’m going to have my own critiques of it because there’s improvements to be made in all aspects of the story. I’m looking forward to seeing what I can actually do so I can learn from it and be more confident in the future. 

FFAK also has such a huge cast, it can be a technical nightmare to figure out. I dont envy authors like GRRM that have a seemingly endless cast to deal with. I already have so much of my hands full with what is essentially one family. And I know for my other comics that I’ve made, the cast has never gotten as out of hand as FFAK’s. But I dont mind having FFAK be like this, because it has been part of my enjoyment of writing the story too. FFAK is generally very motivating because I always have something I’m excited to share about it, and every small progress is a big reward for me. I’ve put a lot of years of work into ARC2 and i am desperate to get to share it with everyone, so I hope readers will enjoy what is to come for the future of the story even though it already is a decade old at this point.

[butyoudidthis4what]

How the ever living fuck did you write something as amazing as that???? Do you understand how talented you are??? That shit (no mans land) ruined me, only to bring me back to life!!! I was full on sobbing because you had written something so painful and sad and beautiful and then you make it happy and wonderful again!!!! You bitch!!! I’m genuinly amazed by how well written and perfectly composed both chapters were!!!! Pretty pretty please with a big ole cherry on top write more!!!!!!! You’ve got me babes!!!! Hook, line, and sinker!!!!!! You talented mfer….💖🙂‍↕️😤

Ahhhhhh thank you so much!! 😭 I truly cannot say enough how much this means to me, and I know I probably sound like a broken record, but comments like these have improved the way I am able to view my writing so much! I am someone who genuinely struggles to ever feel more than 'okay' about my writing and feeling okay is honestly a challenge a lot of the time. With Part 2 in particular I was fairly confident with the idea I had for it, but not at all with my execution of it, I was quite concerned about butchering the idea lol, so hearing everyone's lovely comments has made it much easier for me to get to okay and even a bit beyond, which is a big step for me. So thank you, truly, for taking the time to read and comment and submit this!♥️♥️

I will definitely write more, probably a Part 3 as I mentioned, but also other things not within the nml world, I think. So if you (or anyone reading) have any ideas in general or for nml feel free to send them in and we will see what happens!

[goldenpinof]

1) I'm a different nonnie but I loved your analysis on the dnpg comeback, but it leads into 2) what I don't understand about Dan is how YouTube stresses him out /so/ much, but how other projects don't as much? I've read his book, and I know it has to do with judgement and how hard he feels he has to pretend to make people like him (side note, I want him to write another book. I'd love Dan is Not Okay as a book even. I like his writing style), but you would think that that anxiety would translate to any public projects. 3) mildly unrelated, but when they react to pinof 4, I wonder if they're going to talk about 2012 in depth (Dan's breakdown on Tumblr, how the fans harassed Adrian, the friends they publicly fell out with between 2012-2013, just all of it) or if they're going to just react to the Pinof itself. Personally I feel like PINOF 4's energy is generally fine, but since they're focusing on controlling the narrative now, it could be interesting to use it as a possible retrospective and a way to clearly define their boundaries.

i'm gonna follow your structure :)

1) thank you <3;

2) i think it can have something to do with the amount of things being made. if it's youtube it "has to be" many good quality and interesting videos (3-5 is already many) and youtube demands consistency if you view it as a job. youtube is also a more public place than venues or bookstores. anyone, and i mean ANYONE, can see Dan's videos on the internet for free and form an opinion, and comment, and start a discussion (good or bad). and not that many things can be erased from the internet. books also cannot be erased the moment you make it digital but it's harder to go through a book and form an actual opinion than to watch a 10-min video and form an opinion also based on Dan's face. videos are personal, it's about him. bigger projects feel more like a job and are perceived as a separate entity. it's not Dan, it's what Dan makes. also books have editors and publishers that have some kind of responsibility alongside the author. independent youtube videos? not really. switching to tours. Dan likes irl feedback a lot. maybe that thing makes it easier for him to dive into an enormous amount of physical and emotional work every tour requires. also, the tour is not Dan, it's what Dan makes and plays a role in. there is more detachment from his personality even though we know he puts his own thoughts into his shows (tatinof and ii included). Dan may also like conceptual things (i'm assuming here, i don't remember if he ever said it, he could). to build a whole world based on an idea and live in this world for a bit. like, creating a tv series or a show requires more time, more revisions, help from others, but it's also more fun to create something so big, i guess. it requires more than his youtube videos but it also gives more in return. it's like making a baby that you're so proud of and then presenting it to the world, time and time again to different people. youtube videos could also be viewed as babies but as he said, a lot of it was made to please the algorithm and to survive on youtube (paraphrasing here). he overthinks his content and because of the amount (again) it's harder with videos than 1 or 2 bigger projects that he can spend months on making. (i bet the pitching of his projects and communication in general stress him out as well. but luckily, he has managers for that). you mentioned dan is not okay as a book, and i would die to see the script of a show as it is. and the fact that it already exists blows my mind a little bit. like, give it to me!!;

3) no, they won't talk about 2012 uneasy times. honestly, i'm gonna be shocked if they acknowledge it in any way. Adrian is a public figure now, mentioning him is a risk. i think they will just react to pinof 4, maybe they will give a few looks @ the camera indicating that they know we know, but other than that, i really really doubt we will get any serious commentary.