#2 1/2 months on t
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U guys ever nut so hard you get a headache?
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I finished reading TGCF 2 and damn, Hua Cheng is really craving gege's buns.
#tgcf#hualian#hua cheng#san lang#xie lian#danmei#I was supposed to buy 1 or 2 books a month#And i'm reading 2 per week urghhhhhh#my bank account T^T#currently being double teamed by TGCF and 2HA
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BAM!
#BAM!#see now its three bams#i love these guys so much!!!#so excited for the next episode man#jimmy you better not have just switched curses with mumbo T^T#anyways moving on#theyre not in the wild life skins because#1. i started drawing this on the first episode over a month ago#2. i am too lazy to edit things up#so enjoy their default skins / not really default cause scar is in a green long sleeve here#WILD LIFE SMP!!!!#wild life smp#bamboozlers#life series#traffic life series#traffic life#trafficblr#ldshadowlady#lizzie ldshadowlady#goodtimeswithscar#solidaritygaming#jimmy solidarity#ldshadowlady fanart#goodtimeswithscar fanart#solidaritygaming fanart#bre4yd art#i hope this isnt a premonition but if it is that would be so funny.#<-see alt for context
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Mmmm just gonna rot 2day
#which may mean lots of drawing who knows#my ass is NOT leaving this bean bag intil further notice#i have a cold 🤧#another interview tomorrow#also had a psych appt today and 1. pharmacy filled my meds wrong so I’ve been on the wrong does#for like. a month.#and 2. he kept telling me to eat more which like i have t even been losing that much weight#been trying to bulk i just. stress#anyway#vent#kind of
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Compare yourself to no one but yourself
Pre t, 2 weeks on t, 1 year 3 1/2 months on t
#constantly changing background because I’ve moved a lot the past few years#trans man#ftm#trans#trans guy#transmasc#transgender#testosterone#closeted trans guy#t update#testosterone update#1 year 3 months on t#1 year 3 1/2 months on t#before and after#back gains#lat spread#ftm fitness#trans fitness
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rewatched atsv yet again a bit ago and having so many pd thoughts.sighs
#vixen rambles#WAS TALKING W CLAV ABOUT THE AU I WAS THINKING OF MAKING A FEW MONTHS BACK#and like. the thing is that ashe will or dakota could fit into miles’ role (wiwi especially because of his intelligence and observation-#skills. he’s really smart). BUT because this is entirely from my brain and unforch i am the number 1 dakota cole brainrotter .#i think that dakota would really fit in2 miles’ place; and tide as his father.#ESP cause of the commentary 2 be given on if capes existed in an au like that or not. and if tide was a hero chasing after a vigilante like-#dakota yknow. AND !!! i think that doug could rlly be like aaron. t b h .#and idk. ashe as gwen because of the strained relationship with father + everlasting guilt complex + color palette + trans allegory ☝️#here’s how spider demonkicks can still win !#(granted mark also strongly reminds me of miguel ? but also not tbh? it’s complicated. BUT mark and tide as miguel and his wife…. ouagh)#and sammy said will could kind of be like spider noir. cause they r both detectives and both have the color palette#but wiwi does NOT have his swag </3. but whatever my aus never closely follow their inspo ☝️#and tbh vyncent would definitely be like. omg what’s her name…#PENNY i think. the girl who’s best friends w her spider and made a little mech suit for it. i think playing w that could kind of -#incorporate the greats yknow? like maybe theyre other spiders somehow bound to vyncent and he’s one of the original anomalies as well.#yknow ?????
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Thank fucking god for doctors who give a shit about your health. I just met my new doctor who is going to be prescribing my T and I feel so relieved to have someone who actually CARES
#to make a long story short. right after I logged off tumblr in may my endo wrote my T script wrong and the pharmacy couldn’t fill it#I spent a month fighting with her office and my pharmacies (2 of them because my doctor told me it was the pharmacies fault)#the entire month of June I was not able to give myself any t injections and I got my period on my birthday#I made 1 phone call to my primary care doctor on the verge of losing my mind and she was able to get my my T within 3 hours#and now the doctor that trains her and her staff on gender affirming care is now my doctor#my old endo that wrote the script wrong called me a liar and her office treated me like shit. I hope they burn in hell#they upped my T dosage and then I had none for a month. you can not begin to understand the emotional whiplash I was having#I really truly do not understand how I survived. there would be days I would be crying and having panic attacks non stop#and now I have a doctor who I can talk to day or night. and not have to worry about a thing#yapping#anyways. I love you my new doctor. I am finally safe#jasperbarks
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some bobbles (+ two unfinished things)
#bonk.png#undescribed#exocolonist#i was a teenage exocolonist#iwatec#iwatex#anyway first thing bc its the shortest i dont think sol would actually id as anything n prefer to be unlabeled#bc of like. the timeloop stuff n every life kind of blending together BUT i think it'd be funny as hell if they were aro#n just never became aware of this bc their self reflection skills in regards to shit unrelated to the loop are That Bad#also im aro n like when characters are aro + love it when characters are kind of deranged about their friends#speaking of which madoka au! forever ago i drew the 🤝 meme with sol n homura n now im coming back to that#its not a 1 to 1 au straight up the commonalities begin n end at ''tammy & sol are kind of like madoka/homura''#stuff i got down for it in a sleep deprived haze were that sol nemmie n tangent were the only magical girls#n tammy hasnt been offered to become one nemmie n tangent arent aware that sol is a magical girl for a while#friendgroup at school is nemmie cal tammy n sol (tangent goes to a different school n is separate until she teams up with nemmie)#nemmie n tang team up bc somehow witch attacks keep being diverted from certain locations n grief seeds are disappearing#which is actually sol's doing theyre moving witches away from areas tammy will be n the grief seeds are to 1. discourage nem n tang from#fighting witches n 2. so sol can stockpile them basically bc they use timetravel a lot n need to keep their gem clean#the timeloop has progress (to an extent) its not a singular month looping its kind of like. video game save mechanics#like reloading the save u have before a bossfight n then if ur not adequately prepared reloading a save u have farther back#n then continuing on until u get stuck on a specific fight again yknow#theres more but moving on to the two unfinished things those are meant to be like a utdr au (specifically dr)#in a similar manner to the previous au of same premise n setting but different story bc theyre different characters#there's a lot less set for this au its entirely just playing in the sand n has nothing beyond vague role assignments#the first one that's like lineart in different colors is entirely scrapped bc i didnt like how it was turning out (meant to be darkworld fit#second one i struggled BADLY with marz oh my god this au is literally primarily for having fun with character designs but oh my god.#as it says there shes meant to be a modern art styled metal monster (got the metal idea from her dads' names n the modern art bc shesrefined#n sleek) but i had no actual idea how to convey that n i was trying to tackle it from a pixel art angle this time n i could notfigure it out#n then nomi nomi was super easy literally didnt even sketch them theyre a tiny pixie im sorry marz T-T#probably not gonna touch on this stuff again cause i was fixing on exo to avoid thinking about my bday but its happened so im fine now 👍
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it’s taking all of my willpower not to cut my hair
#I usually keep it short. haven’t had long hair since I was a little kid so#told myself I wouldn’t cut it for a full year#irl#2 1/2 months on t btw :)
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sorry im just thinking about bcs but like. why not add a few smaller scenes of gus interacting with his own men? why does it seem like, in comparison, mike is almost immediately elevated to a higher status than those two in bcs purely because we actually get to see him having normal conversations with gus? like i understand they might not keep the plot moving as well because of the fact obviously if victor is currently doing something it’s because gus told him to etc. but for the most part all of the smaller interactions gus does have with those two ends up being in a somewhat high stress situation where it feels very tense between everyone. and it’s just like damn! is it always like that?? why do those two even care that much about their jobs if their boss is a bit of a dick? etc. i think even an additional scene or two with those guys (either alone or the both of them) talking with gus in a more normal situation could’ve both added a bit more depth into how gus treats his employees (we got a lot with how he treats lyle and co., but not a whole lot with the illegal side of things), how comfortable vic and tyrus feel around him in a calmer setting, and exactly why they both feel the need to be as loyal as they are to the guy.
and also on the other side of this i don't think it'd hurt to maybe elaborate on their pay just a bit..? i'm not saying to randomly put a number out into the atmosphere but i just mean some smaller things like. do they buy nicer things for themselves? what's their housing situation? what's their car situation? are the escalade / yukon their own vehicles or does gus just use those two for business situations? do they use them when they're doing their own stuff off the clock or do they have their own cars? etc. that can also help with understanding their motivations a bit. don't get me wrong i don't think they should be visibly rich or something because that's not what gus would want but just smaller things! cause it's easy to write their loyalty off as Well they probably get paid super well, which i'm sure is true, but if they don't show a single hint of that then what's the point. even something as simple as giving tyrus a nice watch, or maybe victor having a nicer looking gun, etc. something small like that. because as it stands right now the average 41 year old viewer who watched the show once only knows and will only ever know victor and tyrus as those two guys in the background who do random stuff for gus with no clear motivation. just the personification of "On it boss (salute emoji)". and to be honest this is true for a whole lot of fans who do watch the show multiple times and enjoy thinking about it more in depth, because on screen we barely have anything about the two.
and to be clear i'm not trying to say we should have an episode just for them or something like no i understand they're side characters. i understand we don't need all that. and i understand this is also primarily Jimmy's show. but it's not like these two are on the same level as like, arlo or paige and kevin etc. these guys have been around since brba. victor was literally introduced in the same episode gus was. and they are a huge part of gus's story, especially in brba. s4 wouldn't have been what it was without victor and tyrus. and in bcs, ignacio's situation wouldn't have been the same if it weren't for victor and tyrus as well. and i just personally believe that if their goal with gus in bcs was to go back and elaborate on how everything came to be and show what he was like a few years younger, they could've dragged victor and tyrus into that. and i think his character would've benefited from taking that extra step with those two.
#gray.txt#and you know. obviously i personally have my own clear ideas of everything. and i'm content with what i got. this isn't coming from a place#of Well victor is my favorite guy so everything should be about him LOL. i know what he is.#but thats only because i spent like what? 2 years now watching random interviews and analyzing the smallest details within the show that#genuinely meant nothing while they were writing the scripts. and then throwing some random ideas at the wall to see if they stick.#and i just dont think everybody should have to do that LOL. and i think gus's character gets a lot more interesting#when do you do have this clear idea of victor and tyrus in your head and how he interacts with them. but 99% of people dont have that!#nobody fucking knows everything giancarlo and vince ever said about box cutter. nobody knows about the interview where giancarlo referred t#his entire business (meth and restaurant) as his 'family'. and they'd never think of that in those terms#because with the exception of his restaurant workers and mike#it feels like he HATES them LMAO.#tldr all i'm saying is i think we could've benefited from at least one 1 minute long scene of victor and gus exchanging words#where it doesn't end in gus snapping the phone in half out of anger. and also let tyrus speak his mind and have gus agree with him once#also yeah sorry this is all over the place but it is somehow the most coherent i have felt in months so this is as good as its getting sorr#sorry .#also to be clear about my earlier statement that’s a lie my idea of those two is not clear in my head whatsoever i just meant in comparison#to literally the average viewer. and my own personal thoughts about them aren’t even true it’s just opinions and guesses.#and i love a character that i can just say shit about but at the same time i think it’s fun to have idk something in the source material#that you can actually use while thinking and not have to dig around 11 year old reddit AMAs#and that money paragraph sort of came out of order what i meant by saying all that is like#i feel those two could benefit from a clear motivation for why they do all the things they do#and if we have neither personal reasons nor monetary reasons then it just makes them feel like one dimensional henchmen or something#came out of no where* not order you dumb fuck (< me)#also it doesn’t have to be clear in our faces or anything whatever you know what i’m saying . this is too long i can’t keep elaborating
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The past month or so has been a HILARIOUS trainwreck - My new job essentially went bankrupt after my FIRST day, I accidentally grew Datura on my balcony, I have an elusive MRI appointment that keeps getting pushed around, tried to get the limited Hozier vinyl but they only got a payment method I don't have, my friend nearly got snuck up on by a TORNADO cause we were busy playing Fortnite, and I STILL need to fix some of my ReShade presets -
#1) yes my job is done and i worked ONE shift. hoping to at least still get paid KFGDHSKSFGH#2) got a pot of soil on my balcony that i was planning to grow some lavender in but it started to get a random seedling and i was curious#turns out its a Datura plant. It blossomed really pretty and now I just gotta be careful with The Mega Poison Fruit#3) do NOT ask me about the MRI i will chew those MRI techs like a dog toy#4) i was so excited about my little vinyl i was willing to give ALL my money for it MAN.#5) THEY ARE OKAY!! it just is really in character that this would happen to us. whole tornado.#best thing that happened to me this past month is the new EPIC saga being released#lila post#little life update for the ones that wondered where ive been T-T
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vampire johnny says hello
#i wanted to do my telephone operator outfit so bad but I just didn't have time#so sad#vampire johnny#the life and times of t-boy johnny#speaking of#i am about 1 year 2 months on testosterone!#woo
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My page of Fowler I did at work :3
#finni.art#my oc fowler#traditional art#sketchbook#i literally have had terrible artblock for like 2 months so he looks crusty but#its ok bc thats my wife❤️❤️#also ft fowler when he was 1 year on t in his mid 20s
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Gonna fucking lose it I lost my wallet like a week ago now and no one e has used it which I assume means that it’s in my possession somewhere but I’ve checked every fucking place I can think of in my car and home multiple times and have literally no idea where it is.
#like. I’m not super worried bc I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere bc. if someone has my wallet and has been choosing not to use it for a week#well then idek what they’re doing with it. so it’s just a matter of FINDING it which I have not been able to do#I need to do it fast bc 1 not everywhere takes Apple Pay and 2 i need my id to drink and also pick up my prescription#but like. I literally don’t even know where else to look. if there is a place in my home I have looked there at least twice.#I have opened drawers I haven’t opened in months. i did 2 full loads of laundry on the off chance it was in there somewhere. I even went#through the trash (not using my hands) to see if I threw it I. there by accident cleaning up from my t shot.#and it was in none of those places.#I need to get one of those fucking beeping trackers and keep it I. there I’m so serious this is. not the first time this has happened#prsnl
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oh my managers are already starting to rely on me a lot. oh its so over
#i started barely 2 weeks ago man.#one of them today was like oh yeah next month we should do this#like ma'am my temp contract ends in 2 weeks. unless u know smth i dont#today was just a lot. at least i have 1 day off this werk#week*#t
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related to my last rb i saw someone on tiktok do a spotify wrapped-style presentation of how many times they cried last year and why/where, and from what. so me and my sister are "competing" LMAO. she's got like 14 and i'm still in the single digits
#so far since january 1 ive only cried 6 times#the last time i cried was 2 months ago LOL#i rarely cry anyway. i didn't cry much before i started T but now it's like. a once in a blue moon type of thing#half of the 6 are from rewatching greys anatomy (yeah ik) and the other half are from tiktoks that were too wholesome to handle#amori rambles
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