#1 year 3 months on t
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2 years and a little hrt
#trans man#ftm#trans#trans guy#transmasc#transgender#testosterone#closeted trans guy#t update#testosterone update#1 year 3 months on t#ftm fitness#trans fitness#before and after
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It's midnight I can post this now yayyy :D Anyway me and Zooble have been together for 5 months!! My first real and healthy relationship is with a fictional character but you know what. I am okay with that <3
Proshippers/adjacent dni. 100000 shark attack 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈 also Zooble self ship doubles dni
Also me getting emotional under the cut lol
These past 5 months have been so much more bearable thanks to Zooble. I'm genuinely doing so much better than I was earlier this year!!! They really have helped me with so much and idk what I'd do without them at this point
I think the craziest part is how they fell in love with me first. I had Very little knowledge of tadc outside of what I'd seen on my dash. I barely even knew any of the characters names. Zooble just like. Randomly popped into my head one day, which finally pushed me to check out tadc
I ended up loving it AND ended up falling in love with Zooble!! idk if there are enough words to even describe just how much i love them. They mean the world to me. They've really helped me cope better, they're helping me learn to manage my symptoms a lot better and through my self ship they're slowly helping me overcome my fear of talking to people!!
Zooble has done so much for me and I'm so thankful that they're apart of my life now. I love them so much <3
#safeship#safeshipping#safeship community#self ship community#self ship#f/o x s/i#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc zooble#tadc self ship#this is. not as impressive as I would've liked it to be#I'm Really struggling to do my usual shading and lighting for some reason#probably something to do eith my hands being Super unsteady amd stiff lol#but either way I like how this turned out :]#qlso did their episode 3 designsince that's the funnest one to draw#but ummmm anyway I can't believe it's already been 5 months!!#if I'm this emotional over t months I will be an emotional wreck for 1 year lol
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im like a child so i cancelled spotify bc im mad at them for raising the price and amazon music gave me 5 months free so i was like ok perfect timing anyway and it's been less than 24 hours and i feel like this is the worst breakup ive ever had
#listen. tell me how i was paying for duo at 12$ which was 14 with tax and then in 1 year it went up to 18 with tax um#anyway.................. amazon music just doesnt know me yet we just dont know each other well enough yet#and i refuse to listen to spotify free bc i Hate their ads and so i went back on just to screenshot some of my playlists to recreate#them and theyre spamming me with banners and i cant deal with that#anyway amazon music isnt that bad...............their playlists are really good..........................they definitely arent#default recommending me only t*y*r sw*ft..........#anyway im not mad or proud enough to not go back next month but im taking a month off anyway bc 1 i have amazon and 2#i just restarted gilmore girls so ill be busy.....and 3 i calculated and ive given them approximately 1016 dollars in the last 6 years#which is INSANE if u ask me so yeah. it is good for us to take a break from each other 🙄
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we are at the end of september so heres a blanket update :p
#other#t talks#knitting#once i finish the sweater im gonna start doing 3 rows a day every few days so i can hopefully finish this in november instead of december#cause my goal this year was to 1 finish as many of my wips as possible#and 2 use all the yarn for this blanket#cause it takes up so much space#well. turns out i actually bought like. double the amount of yarn i would need#so i want to make a second Basic granny square blanket#just making a giant square then adding smaller ones to the top n bottom#took me like 9 days to make one last time but i want to take my time with it after i finish this beast#so want to try to have a whole month to just chill and not worry about making progress every single day#o ya ignore the stitch markers#ive been too lazy to remove the ones i dont need anymore :/
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uh oh i'm getting this feeling that tells me i might not graduate this year and as soon as that's confirmed you have no idea how much i'm going to cry <3
#as if i wasn-t slow enough and procrastinated like my life depended on it... my thesis tutor is an asshole that took a month to read ch 1#to READ IT so who knows when he'll finish the corrections like these will be just the first ones of the first chapter#there's two more chapters left#and my uni requires that i'd be done with fucking everything by OCTOBER 5#that means submitting myt thesis AND defending and god knows how long that takes#like my prof technically just gave me good news but idk about about you guys#but i'm feeling like i might just kms instead <3#i'm staring at the calendar on my phone thinking we're not going to make it chief#oh i'm going to be sick#okay wait wait hold on i'm thinking not everything is lost like so what if i don't graduate this year i can still finish the thesis this ye#and then actually fucking rest and enjoy my life and plan what i'll do next while i wait for the next graduation!#but what about everyone in my life being intense about me graduating already??? well they'll make me cry but what else is new
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kinda mad I figured out how to study literally 2 weeks before I’ll never have to do it again
#it’s FINE it’s transferable I’m gonna have a lot of independent work to do over the next. up to 6 years. insane to think abt that#but goddamn I’m like? enjoying this now??#and that’s combination of having no other demands on my time + immediate and desperate need to do it#but ALSO. turns out I kinda like this. wild#adding this to the Fuck This Place pile#but yeah apparently what I have to do is 1. be out of the house. this is the first and most important step#2. have music on that’s familiar + mostly me fucking around with whatever pops into my head#3. have some kinda tracker so I can see number go up#but yeah setting regular times to be out the flat and not worrying abt work so much unless I WANT to outside of that has saved my life#saying this now for future reference so that Luke in 2 weeks-6 months time doesn’t completely forget everything#but also. I’d honestly be chill with doing lecture notes for a while longer#like at the rate I’m going currently I’d be done within a few weeks but if I had free time during term time I’d probably be able to keep up#alas. 8 days.#im making progress im gonna have at least half the content done and with how I’m prioritising that SHOULD be enough#it’s gonna be fine#library in t minus 24 minutes and I can return to nodulation <3#luke.txt
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horner and danica in the same shot on sky. rip to the people who have to pay for this
#get n o r d v p n set it up to the us and then pay 5€ for f 1 t v#that's what i do since it was nerfed in france#i pay using paypal through the android play store#i think i paid 120€ for the v p n for 3 years? and then 5€ a month so over a year that's 100€#(120/3=40 and then 12x5=60)#which is like 2 months of sky iirc ?
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:3
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#trans stuff#1 month on T now! 😁 i def got the most surprising changes#my voice changed a teeny tiny bit. after just waking up and when im putting in effort it's in the androgynous range now.#it doesnt pass as male at all tho. period is reduced to light spotting. i got some bottom growth but i did not feel that at all#so no sensitivity or anything. i just discovered one day that ive had bottom growth#none of the 3 h's (horny hungry hot) for me. in fact i was worried at first my dose was either too low or high or im not absorbing the gel#well bc i didn't notice anything at all. but nope. changes are happening!#now to the bad stuff. had a thrombosis scare last week. i already have a raised risk and T raises it even more and then i had weird pain in#my calf last week. it went away again tho so maybe it was from working out or smth idk. i probably should've seen a doctor just to make#sure my blood levels are ok and i don't have polycythemia. maybe ill do that this week#also. atrophy 😬#i did not know you could get this like. instantly. i thought this was smth that happened after years on T#anyway. my junk is irritated. i don't do anything w it and the mucus outside is irritated just like that#it is basically almost always uncomfortable. sometimes worse sometimes barely noticeable. idk if it's just a pH change from starting T or i#it'll settle into smth long term. ive now bought a moisturizing cream for down there. haven't tried it out yet but what I've tried is#just putting some lube there over night and it did reduce the symptoms. let's see how that will develop in the next few weeks#i know there's estrogen cream but you need a prescription for that i think. ill try that if the other stuff fails#so anyway my changes are kinda unlike of what ive read usually happens in the first month except for bottom growth#im not complaining (except abt the atrophy)#also shout out to my doctor for putting in my chart that i want to be referred to as a man and also actually referring to me as a#man. only one nurse is actually paying attention to that though and she's also the one who handled my paperwork once where it said im trans#she just uses my last name w/o anything else which is fine for me. i don't pass yet so it would be awkward if i was sir'd in front of other#patients. also i know one of the other nurses from my private life (she's an acquaintance of a former colleague of mine) so she only knows#me pre-transitioning and it again would be kinda awkward idk. i think ill have a talk w the nurses abt what i want to be referred to when i#a little further along in my medical transition. for now its fine being misgendered in front of other patients bc i dont pass anyway#but it's nice being respected in private ie when im alone w my doctor or a nurse#oh btw i had my first exam this week ugh. i was not as well prepared as i should've been but i don't worry abt it too much#bc this is only the first exam and there are many more to come so now i can learn from my mistakes and prepare better/more efficiently
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It begins,
#im out of levocetirizine. i suppose in a technical sense it began when i ran out of t a few months ago#sighhh. well maybe this is good bc i can go to my next dr a clean slate#the only meds i stilll have refills for is i have like 3 extra bottles of buproprion and 1 extra bottle of my nasal spray. so ill probably#run out of mirtazapine by the bew yesr bc it looks like i have abt 20 pills left.. SAD ! well theres other medications#and thisll be a fun way to discover if my meds were actually helping NFBRBFBFB#but ya. hopefullyy my next psych we can like. work from gere... idk how 2 like. most of my old meds stuff is from when i was like 16 so idk#likee. idk. i had been seeing the same psychiatrist for years and i think that shot me in the foot#so. hopefully a fresh start will be good... we will work it out
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UPDATE: NOVAVAX NOW AVAILABLE!!!
Hi everyone, it's been about a year since I posted about updated COVID vaccines and it's time for another update if you are in the US:
THE BRIDGE ACCESS PROGRAM IS ENDING!!!!
If you are uninsured or your insurance does not cover covid boosters, please schedule a new booster appointment before the end of August because the Bridge Access Program (the way the government will still pay for your booster) ends in September. The updated mRNA boosters from Moderna and Pfizer are available now. Go Go GO!!!
Shitty, I know! If you can call your congressional reps, the FDA, the CDC, whomever to tell them you want this program to continue/be reinstated, that would be great. Also, while you're at it, call the FDA to tell them to expedite the approval for the updated Novavax booster (3017962640).
The new Novavax vaccine is designed for the JN.1 strain which is one of the most recent mutations of the virus going around. If you have insurance and can afford to wait, I highly recommend getting the Novavax booster when it becomes available.
We are currently in the largest Covid summer surge since 2021
If you haven't had a booster in the past six months you are essentially unvaccinated. New strains with different spike proteins keep evolving faster than vaccine development and distribution can keep up. All that said, getting Covid is not a moral failing. If you do feel sick, take a rapid test! If it's negative, test again a day or two later. It is better to know than not to know. Here's a refresh on how to take a rapid test correctly:
If you do get Covid, it is worth getting on antiretrovirals within the first week of symptoms to reduce the overall viral load your body has to fight. If your insurance doesn't cover Paxlovid or Remdesivir, here are other low/no-cost ways to access it:
If you get sick, rest radically even after you stop testing positive on rapid tests. Avoid exercising for at least eight weeks after the fact to reduce the risk of developing long covid.
Regardless of your vaccination status, masking with a KN95 or N95 respirator (or equivalent standards in your country i.e. FFP2/3 in the EU) is the most reliable way to protect yourself and others. If Covid protections are a financial burden, there is likely an active Mask Bloc near you doing free distribution of respirators and tests that would be happy to help you. Here's a global map of them from covidactionmap.org
Some quick tips: if you're wearing a bi-fold mask, flatten the nose-bridge wire completely, then mold it to your nose on your face for a better fit. The best mask is the one that you will actually wear regularly to protect yourself. I really like the selection of styles, sizes and colors from WellBefore:
As school is starting, getting you and your family boosted is one of the best things you can do to protect yourselves. Masking is perhaps even more important. If you can advocate for updating and regularly changing the HVAC filters at your local schools to MERV-13 or higher to keep the indoor air cleaner, that can also make a big difference. Better indoor air quality in schools helps protect kids from illness, allergies, wildfire smoke, and more per the EPA's website.
These are steps you can take to improve air quality at home as well. Corsi-Rosenthal boxes are low-cost and highly effective for cleaning the air indoors.
Here's a map of clean air lending libraries for getting access to air purifiers for events from cleanairclub.org
#covid#covid 19#signal boost#boost#long covid#vaccine#wear a respirator#indoor air quality#covid testing
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✅️✅️VETTED✅️✅️
Help my family befor late 😭😭🍉🍉
Save my children from the Gaza war
My name is Rana, I am 37 years old, and I hold a master’s degree in statistics
I am married and have 4 children
Two girls 👧👧 and two boys 🧑🧑, their ages (12 / 5 /5 /2 )
My husband works as a teacher and has a group of educational centers for teaching English in Gaza, Khan Yunis, and Rafah
I live in Gaza
At the beginning of the war, our educational center, Gaza branch, was destroyed and bulldozed.
It had been opened one month before the start of the war. The war on Gaza continued, and I am still residing in my home despite the danger and threat, but I left my home on 24/1/2024 because the Israeli army requested the evacuation of the city of Khan Yunis, and for fear for my children and my husband, I went to the city of Rafah, the safe place, as the army says, and I lived in a narrow and small place.
Iam and four children, my husband, and a group of displaced people suffered from many diseases and epidemics due to lack of food. And lack of water
Then the threats began to the city of Rafah, so I left for Hamad Town, a safe area, as the Israeli army said about it, and I stayed there with my relatives, and on February 25, the second educational center, Khan Yunis branch, was completely destroyed and blown up 😭😭
On 3 March , the army besieged Hamad Town, and Iam and my children, and my husband left under gunfire and the sound of shells✈️✈️ ✈️ And the fire belts🚀🚀 We left in the middle of the night on foot and continued walking for a whole day while tanks and soldiers surrounded us and we were displaced for the third time.
We returned to the city of Rafah again, but without any of the necessities of life , no clothes, no bedding, no luggage 🧥🧥
On 13 March , I received information that my house was completely destroyed. My home, my dreams, and my memories were destroyed 😭😭😭 I became homeless 😭😭😭
On 5 January , 2024, we left Rafah after the army threatened it, and we went out to Al-Mawasi and lived in a tent. Now I live in a small tent in a camp full of diseases🤧🤧 and epidemics🤮🤮
The last branch of the educational centers, the Rafah branch, was destroyed
Now I live in a tent
I fight for a living We no longer have a source of income other than aid and assistance, which are of no use
My children were deprived of education because of the war. They are now without schools
Please Help my children to escape from the hell of war in Gaza. Please help me to leave Gaza, educate my children and protect them from diseases and epidemics.
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Compare yourself to no one but yourself
Pre t, 2 weeks on t, 1 year 3 1/2 months on t
#constantly changing background because I’ve moved a lot the past few years#trans man#ftm#trans#trans guy#transmasc#transgender#testosterone#closeted trans guy#t update#testosterone update#1 year 3 months on t#1 year 3 1/2 months on t#before and after#back gains#lat spread#ftm fitness#trans fitness
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𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢-𝐓𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 ☠︎ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦-𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐥 | a JJK series
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: another year, another kinktober for the blog; everyone say thank you to @blkkizzat for making me do this before i get off this platform bc i promise you i was ready to throw it in the trash, LMAO !! I can only hope that I can post everything on time...anyway, happy October, everybody!
2023 kinktober list ⋮ masterlists ⋮ playlist
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑭𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝑺𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒚…𝑻𝒂𝒍𝒆???
All the material below contains 18+ content, so minors do not interact. Changes + added pieces will be updated; look through my RBs to see what was changed or added. Contents of the fanfics/pieces are specified in their respective posts.
☠︎ = ficlet/thirst/scenario (Tues) | ♱ = fics (Thurs)
𓉸ྀི . . . 𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑲 1 :
☠︎ 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐮𝐩𝐭 𝐌𝐞, 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲 . . . ft. bully! Gojo ⋮ corruption kink
♱ 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐆𝐨 𝐁𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 | s. gojō + k. nanami + h. higuruma
Two demon hunters and a witch unite to take down a demon terrorizing the locals — sounds easy enough until the demon puts up a good fight and drags you three in for a night you’ll never forget…!
𓉸ྀི . . . 𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑲 2 :
☠︎ 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐲 & 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲 . . . ft. true form! Sukuna ⋮ cannabilism/ blood kink
♱ 𝐒𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 & 𝐋𝐞𝐠𝐬 𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 | s. ryōmen
The duty of a shrine maiden isn’t straightforward — especially during the olden times. Could you take on the supposed King of Curses head-on and leave unscathed in more ways than one? Who knows…
𓉸ྀི . . . 𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑲 3 :
☠︎ 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐧' 𝐒𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬 . . . ft. werewolf! Nanami ⋮ breeding kink + knotting
♱ 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐍𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐛𝐨𝐫! | t. fushiguro
Not only are you drunk on a Friday night, but you’re a drunk, closeted succubus who is, unfortunately, under the care of the hot neighbor under your roof! Would you ruin the mood if he found out your little secret? You don’t even wanna know!
extra!! to be announced soon...
𓉸ྀི . . . 𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑲 4 :
☠︎ 𝐒𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐬' 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥 . . . ft. sirens! Shoko + Utahime + Yuki ⋮ monster-fucking + foursome
♱ 𝐖𝐡𝐨'𝐬 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧' 𝐖𝐡𝐨, 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐞? | c. kamo
Having a phantom in your apartment sounds pretty scary…! But what happens when you finally catch that unexpectedly cute ghost creeping around and frightening you? And…how do you plan on punishing the little scrub?
𓉸ྀི . . . 𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑲 5 :
☠︎ 𝐒𝐨 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐦 & 𝐓𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 . . . ft. ex-husband! Toji ⋮ cockwarming
♱ 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐥𝐥[𝐞𝐫] !! | s. gojō + s. getō
Ending the month with tradition: pulling up all the best scary movies to watch and hanging with your two best friends! But it's safe to say that the thing poking behind your back isn't a knife…according to Gojo.
𝑾𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒍𝒚 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔 𝑪𝒍𝒖𝒃!!
Would you wish to be tagged? Please lmk in the replies or in my inbox!
Accepting the first 50 ppl ; still open!!
© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2024 ⋆♱✮♱⋆ These tales have been transcribed and written by the original poster (me). Do not steal, edit, copy/plagiarize, or post any of my works on your own accounts, in or out of this app. Please and thank you.
#𝑯𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊 ˚₊‧꒰ა ��� ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ 𝑾𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒔: 𝑺𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔#kinktober#kinktober 2024#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#choso x reader#nanami x reader#gojo x reader#geto x reader#sukuna x reader#toji x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk fics#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk x reader smut#anime smut
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The Other Side
Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3
Satoru doesn’t want to go home.
There’s an unbearable pressure within those walls, pushing further and further in until he feels his cheeks touch the cold surfaces. Within himself, there’s also a pressure pushing further and further out, and he’s worried he’ll burst at the seams, stuffing flying out, leaving only a voice box that echoes an apology on repeat.
He hates disappointing people. Despises that shaking of heads, the hands on the hips, and that disapproving gaze which penetrates the message that he isn’t good enough to his very soul. And he loathes even more the fact that you do none of that. Instead, you smile.
It doesn’t reach your eyes, doesn’t make your cheeks all round or teeth to be on display. Having lived a couple decades now, Satoru’s aware of the polite customs of humans; the harmless ‘how are ya’ and ‘looking good’ that no one really means, and no one ever responds to. So, he knows when you’re simply fulfilling your role, doing what you think is best.
Your favourite colour, the shape of your body, biggest fears and weaknesses are all things he might not know, or rather does not remember, but he does know that you cry yourself to sleep at night.
He knows that because he stands outside your door, fist just about to hit the wood but something always holds him back. There’s an instinct inside that urges him out of bed, feet padding on the floor, and begs him to say something, anything. Even if it is just to ask if you’re okay.
But Satoru doesn’t. Because he knows it’s stupid. Of course, you’re not okay, who would be?
And he’s selfish.
He wants to protect himself from that cataclysmic ache in his chest that comes from witnessing you try to hold back tears, for him. The way it makes your eyes red and your lashes to flutter, bottom lip quivering. It’s all his fault, he knows that. How dare he get hit by a curse?
How could he possibly call himself the strongest if he had been so weak as to destroy himself, and you, his wife? Or rather, old Gojo’s wife.
No, you’re still his.
That’s what the ring on his left hand says. He has to remind himself of that.
“You should go home, Satoru.”
She sits beside him, sipping from her glass, as they loiter by the bar. They’ve been there for hours, making idle small talk about nothing in particular. Their history is long but has been severed for years now, even before his memory loss. Satoru doesn’t really know why he asked to meet up; it’s wrong to see your ex-girlfriend as a married man, he’s aware.
But he just needed to speak to someone he’s close to, someone who knew him intimately, as a partner, so that he can navigate this new reality he woke up to months ago. No one else would understand because they’re your friends too, and they’ll be disappointed in his choices, he’s sure.
He sighs. “Would she even want to see me?”
“Of course, she does. She loves you. Even if it hurts, she’ll still want to see you come home, safe and sound.”
Satoru sighs again, a deeper, more strained exhale. He already knows the right answer, but as strong and experienced a fighter as he is, at the very core of his character, he’s still a coward. Was the Old Him braver? Is that what you loved about him? Is that why you can’t bear to be too close to New Him?
Tracing the rim of his glass and watching the liquid shake, he ponders his situation. He does that a lot these days, just thinking and mulling and wondering. Sometimes, he finds himself reaching for your hand at the dinner table, his eyes searching for yours first in every crowded room, and in bed, he’ll be woken up by his arm yearning for your body only to find nothing.
He doesn’t know what all of that means.
And he supposes, without his memories, none of it matters. Even if he does press his lips against yours like he finds himself daydreaming, you’ll still be kissing the wrong man. Because you fell in love with a more mature, wiser, loving man. And what stands before you every day is but a cheap replica of that, all hollow and dull.
“Yeah, I guess,” he acquiesces, and then, almost like an afterthought, he asks, “Do you think I’ll ever get my memories back? That should fix everything, right?”
His companion hums, fiddling with her hair as they both watch the people pass by.
“Maybe. But I think it’s important you prepare for the possibility that you’ll never get it back. That’s just as likely, don’t you think?”
Satoru shrugs. It’s not the answer he was hoping to hear, though it certainly is what he was expecting. Truth is, he doesn’t think it’s possible; it all feels just a little too late, like you’ve all already strapped into the car, it’s speeding towards a cliff, and you know the height is too great.
The gold band shines under the lights, and it feels hot on his finger, like a brand. It kind of itches the more he thinks about it, but he doesn’t dare take it off. Fiddle as he might, it’s a part of him, representing his past, present and future. He finds no fear in that.
His phone pings. It’s you. You’re asking when he’s coming home.
His chest aches again. You’re alone, at home, sat on the sofa wondering where your husband is, and Satoru’s trying to find him, for you. Even if it means losing himself, disappearing into the void, and being held up on strings by a different version of him, a better version.
Of course, he won’t find the love of your life at the bottom of a glass, and certainly not at a bar with another woman. But he doesn’t know what else to do. He’s flipped through the photo albums, watched all the videos -- the wedding ones, and the ones on his phone, where you’re reading, and you have no idea he’s filming you. You laugh and he finds himself, at night, holding the speaker of his phone up to his ear to listen to it again and again, his lips twitching.
You weren’t laughing at him nor were you laughing for him. But he ultimately doesn’t care, because he gets to hear it, nonetheless. And he wants to hear it again and again.
It’s wrong to fall in love with someone else’s wife, wrong to wear someone else’s shoes, and someone else’s ring, and wrong to walk in someone else’s house. Though, it all technically belongs to him. None of it is right; he’s living the life meant for someone else. And if Satoru was a better man, a kinder, more fair man, he would work harder to give it back.
But Gojo Satoru is none of those things, not in this moment. No, right now, he’s settled into the role of a selfish man. Because he’s decided he wants this life, and he wants it with you. Even after all the pain, the anxiety, the grief, you’re still asking where he is, still craving his presence. And even though you’re not his and he doesn’t know you the way he should, he still thinks of home as being with you.
Does that mean he loves you?
He doesn’t know. But he wants to find out.
So, he pushes his chair back and says goodbye to his friend, strolling out of the bar without looking back. Whether or not he gets his memory back, doesn’t matter. Not really. He can’t keep waiting for that to happen, to keep your life and his on standby, praying for a miracle to come. It’s not fair on anyone. You, especially.
Whatever happens, he’ll deal with it. He always has. He’s Gojo Satoru, for goodness’ sake. He’ll bear the consequences, face your disappointment, and your tears however many times he has to, until you’re seeing him for who he is.
Not the Him from before, or the Him that he could be, but the Him that you have.
The one he’s offering.
He just hopes it’s good enough.
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omg i fixed my themes broken links problem
#other#t talks#fdkjhlshfl#straight up put it in dashboard mode for months cause i didnt wanna see those damn unclickable links 😭😭😭#but i fixed it!#i had a stray extra /div in there fucking it up#now i have to actually update my toyhouse so i can add my characters links again 😅#tho i am Finally working on the oc lineup again!#meant to do it last year for artfight but i got lazy :/#but now this year im working on it early. instead of 3 days before artfight.#cause i have a functioning brain this year 👍😌✌️#a functional brain that notice the one (1) extra line of coding on my blog 😎
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gawd my dysphoria has been so bad lately but not for any outward appearance but literally just the fact that i still have my ut*rus uhm GTFO!!!!!! GET OUTTA HEREEEEE NOBODY LIKES YOUUUU i literally don’t even get affected by it anymore bc of hrt but the fact that it’s just in there makes me so sick and disgusted like LEAVE just rot away and die!!!! GRRRRR GET OUT. i think i’m gonna start looking into getting a hysterectomy because i think OHIP covers it at least partially? i’m gonna start looking into it anyways bc it’s literally been keeping me in a deathhold these past few months like. it’s always on my mind it’s debilitating.
#RAAAAAAAAAAA knawing my arm to keep me tamed down#fully crying in my room because an unseeable thing is inside of me#i think when its out i could be normal#< a lie i would become more of a freak#but in a good way! :D#im gonna start very srsly looking into how i can get it done bc! i can’t take much more of this!#plus i have to get my bloodwork done bc i haven’t dont it in like 3 or 4 years and im supposed to get it done every 4-6 months#and they’re gonna stop refilling my t viles now bc i havent done it in so long#oopsies! i’m just genuinely scared of doctors bc they treat me so bad all the time!#sooo if i have to be brave and deal with 1 doctor i may as well start inquiring about other shit while i’m at it#get that ball rolling or w/e ppl say#ugh ugh#srry for the rant i’m just!#so uncomfortable rn#and talking it out to myself helps me solidify my actions and choices#and make sure i’m doing the right thing
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