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aboutcustardcreams · 30 days ago

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Help me Hold onto you

I got carried away and I wrote a pretty long chapter. I hope it's smooth enough because for the life of me I couldn't bring myself to reread it. Maybe I will another time and fix some eventual mistakes 👻 Hope you enjoy it! To sum it up: hurt/comfort & fluff. The Doctor (the real Doctor) finds you and she is determined to save you.

word count: 4200 ish words

part three

part four

The Doctor walked carefully through the corridors of the TARDIS, fingertips brushing against its walls, actually surprised by how realistic it looked like. She knew it was only a projection of your mind, not the reality of it, but it was interesting to see her home, yours too, through your eyes. At the same time there was this nagging feeling gripping at her stomach at the thought that this place, you loved so much, was part of the nightmare you were trapped in. She needed to find you and quickly.

When she arrived at the panel room, she almost didn’t recognize it. The once bright orangish lights were darker there, almost crimson red. It didn’t feel like home one bit, it was distorted into something that made the Doctor feel unsafe, weird in the stomach. It was cold, humid, so much it stuck to her skin, biting through her bones. The Doctor hated humidity, because her hair curled up around her face.

Her eyes shifted towards the TARDIS’ door and a frown found its way on her forehead. She recognized the grayish mist coming from underneath, the same one that was hovering the planet. Instinct told her you were on the other side of that door. And she had to get to you before the mist did, because if it did– no, the Doctor couldn’t even finish that thought. It wasn’t an option. It could never be an option. So she ran to the door, her palms lifted in mid air, almost afraid to touch the surface, “please, be okay, be okay,” she whispered, almost in a plea.

Before she could touch the door and push it open, a voice came to her ears.

“Doctor, I was looking forward to meeting you.”

The Time Lady’s features hardened. She clenched her eyes shut for a second before spinning around, ready to face the enemy of the day. There he was, standing at the panel control, a creature she only read about in books, and never met before. She honestly would have preferred it that way. The Veilstryx was tall, taller than she thought he would be, slender, with edgy features. His skin was purple colored, a dark shade of it, almost black in fact. The first thing she noticed, though, were those large, majestic wings, folded behind his back, of the same color.

“Can’t say the same thing about you, Veilstryx,” she retorted, with a tight smile, “Is that, correct? Hope I pronounced it right,” she continued, a hint of sarcasm in her tone, hands tucked in her sweeping coat, “Actually no, I hope I misspelled it,” she added, scrunching up her nose.

He nodded amusedly. “Funny. You’re funny.” He tilted his head to the side and his four pitch black eyes blinked one by one, almost making him look like some sort of reptile. The Doctor made a disgusted face at that. “I must admit, I was expecting to see a man.”

The Doctor shrugged, giving him a cheeky little smile. She swayed a bit, shifting her weight from one foot to another, “Ah you know– I had an upgrade,” she responded hastily, having other things in mind to care about. You. “I normally enjoy small talk, but I’m quite in a hurry. Always in a hurry lately, me,” she stirred her lips in a thin line, and lolled her head right and left impatiently. “You see, you’ve got my friend and I’d like to have her back.”

The Veilstryx hummed, tapping his pointed claws over the dashboard, “your friend, your friend…”, he repeated, pretending to have no idea what the Doctor was talking about. “Ah, you mean that delicious girl you willingly brought here for me,” his forked tongue peeked out of his mouth, sweeping over his purple lips, “such a nice gift, I must admit.”

The Doctor’s jaw tightened, she felt her stomach drop only to jump back up in her throat. “She doesn’t belong to you,” she spoke quietly, however it was evident the concern and the urgency in her tone. “Let her go.”

For a moment he gave her his back and unfolded his wings as if he was in need of a stretch. “I’m afraid, I can’t do that.” The Doctor blinked slowly, her mind racing with theories and plans to stop him. He was in your head, and the only way to expel him was through you. You were the key. She took a more meticulous look at his wings, only to realize they were made of some weird substance, transparent like an hologram, but not exactly an hologram themselves. She could see through, almost as if they were made of air. But you can’t see air, now can you? So it was something similar, thicker, visible to the eye like… mist. The souls he collected ended up there.

“You see, I got a taste of her grief. She suffers so deliciously, I must keep her with me. I haven’t had one so exquisite in a while.”

She closed her hands into fists so tightly her knuckles turned white. Her frown deepened and her eyes glimmered with fear for you. “If you want to taste grief, I’ve plenty of it,” she took a step towards him, her voice almost desperate at this point, but there was firm determination in her hazel eyes. The Veilstryx tilted his head to the side, and stared at the Doctor, giving her the illusion he was actually considering her proposal. “I’ve lived longer, I’ve seen more than you can possibly imagine. Take me instead and let her go.”

“Oh but Doctor, you’ll be next,” the grin that tugged at his lips was unsettling, stretching a bit too wide, giving it a predatory air. “I can sense how much this mortal means to you. You meant a lot to her too,” he added, letting out a quiet dark chuckle. His mind traced back to all the things he told you, while using the Doctor’s appearance.

The Time Lady froze when the Veilstryx used the past tense to mention what you felt about her.

“Where is she?” She hissed, ignoring the sudden dizziness of her head. She could sense you and your thoughts, pushing through, mingling with hers, but she tried to keep them under control. “Tell me now.”

He pointed at the door with an amused glimmer in his eyes. The Doctor had been right all along to think you were there. “Go ahead, see it for yourself. I’ve heard you’re not fond of goodbyes, but I reckon this time you should make an exception for her.”

The Doctor’s frown deepened, the more he spoke, the more she felt confused. She shook her head, “I’ll not say goodbye. Ever.” Her eyes darkened, “If you hurt her, I–”, her stuttering was interrupted by his sudden breathless laugh.

“Doctor, I didn’t do anything. You did.”

Her mouth parted slightly agape, “No. I didn’t– ”

She didn’t even get to finish, the Veilstryx slithered closer, so close to being now only a couple of inches from her. His wings spread wide and closed up around his form, like a cocoon. The Doctor held her breath and didn’t move. When he unfolded his wings again, they started to fade, and his body too wasn’t there anymore. He shapeshifted into someone, the Doctor immediately recognized. Her mouth parted and her breath hitched. She was staring at herself now, her face, her blond bob, even her outfit was particularly true to the original. The sly grin, though, was something she didn’t possess.

“Tell me you’re impressed,” he cackled, with her voice.

The Doctor’s eyes flashed, “you pretended to be me…” she muttered under her breath.

“I did!” He squealed, in a way that made her feel sick to her stomach. “And she fell for it. Oh– it was so easy to break her,” he mused, sweeping his tongue over his new lips, “you’re in her mind, why don’t you see it for yourself?”

The Doctor inhaled sharply, her eyes were welling up with tears. Her original idea was to respect your boundaries, find you and bring you back without snooping around your mind. But now, she needed to know, a part of her needed to see what the Veilstryx did to you using her face.

She closed her eyes and focused on your mind. It appeared like a room full of doors, one cracked open, others firmly kept shut, probably belonging to the past. She focused on the most recent memory, the door that was left still ajar and she hesitantly gave a peek, pushing it open enough for her to sneak through.

She felt everything. All your emotions, all your fears and confusion basking in your head, and breaking your heart at the things the Veilstryx was telling you. She had to bring a hand to her mouth to suppress a pained sob. You were shaking, your face had never appeared paler before. The Doctor was a stranger to your tears, she had seen you cry before, but never remotely like that.

Next, she saw herself grinning mischievously at you, towered over you, like you had been nothing but a ragged doll to push down and down. It was wrong, so wrong. She wanted to throw up. When you begged her to stop, she didn’t listen and instead her fingers curled around your neck.

She wanted to intervene, but there was nothing she could do to change a memory that already happened. She could only be a spectator of your pain and it killed her.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, she kept repeating to herself like a mantra. She pulled away, finding her way back to the crimson red panel room, out of breath.

She stared at her own image with a hate she never thought she could possess, “What have you done?” Despite her sharp tone, tears were streaming down her cheeks with no control. She didn’t even bother to wipe them.

The Veilstryx shrugged, “I s’pose you should be asking that yourself, Doctor.”

“You’ll not have her, you hear me? You think you’re so clever, but you know nothing about what I’m capable of. What she is capable of.”

He snorted. “Don’t get your hopes up, Doctor. Loving someone so fiercely is the dumbest thing you could do.”

“It’s not,” she was quick to argue. “But what would you know about love?”, she let out a bitter chuckle.

He does his best to keep his face unbothered by her teasing, but the Doctor knows her face too well, to recognize the faint tremor of her eyebrows, proof of her faltering confidence. “Now I’m going to save my friend, and you better not come my way or you’ll be sorry–”

The Veilstryx dismissed her with a flick of her hand, “take a shot, then. It’s only going to taste sweeter for me,” he grinned, but the Doctor didn’t bother to look at him. She spun around and moved towards the TARDIS’ door, throwing it open with no hesitation nor fear whatsoever.

The Doctor’s hearts clenched painfully in her chest at the sight of you crouched down across the room of your apartment, shaking like a dry leaf, with your head buried in your hands. She had seen you in pain before, however, never like this. Perhaps it was because she was in your head, and could feel everything you were feeling: despair, fear, confusion and sadness. It was almost unbearable to stand and watch. With what the Veilstryx showed you, the Doctor was terrified of how you might react to seeing her again. But she pushed through, she would always do that for you.

Her knees gave in then and she found herself crouched down across you. “Hi, stardust–” when she placed a hand upon your shoulder, your cries subsided softly. The Doctor’s lips quivered in a watery smile, desperately waiting to meet your eyes, “It’s alright,” she added gently, “I know you’re scared, but I’m here now– I’m with you…”

Slowly lifting your head, you’re beyond confused to see her in your apartment. You blinked slowly, as if in trance. How could you not be? After all the things she told you. “Doctor?” your voice sounded barely above a whisper, “what are you doing in my house?” Your orbs would normally sparkle with joy at the sight of the Doctor, but not this time. This time your eyes were glassy and dull, your dark thick lashes were wet with tears, that seemed to never end.

The Doctor did her best to ignore the sensation of being unwelcome. “This is not your house. And that person you think you saw earlier in the TARDIS, that by the way was not the TARDIS, wasn’t me,” she began, her voice calming, despite the unnatural turmoil going on inside her. She couldn’t ignore how unsettling it was to look into your eyes and see a mixture of disappointment and sadness, veiling them. You never once doubted the Doctor, however at that specific moment it was crystal clear, you were uncertain whether to believe her or not.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. But I know what I saw, who I saw…”, you clarified, in a firm voice.

The Doctor shook her head slowly, her hand moved from your shoulder to your cheek, or at least that was her intention. But you flinched, “Please, don’t–” you croaked out, making the Time Lady sick in her stomach. You never once pulled away from her, and that hurt the Doctor more than she’d like to admit. When she murmured your name in a soft plea, you clenched your eyes shut, hating the velvety sound of it.

You bit back a choked sob, sick and tired of crying. “Don’t play with me anymore,” you wanted to be mad at her, to show a different demeanor, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. “Haven’t you hurt me enough?”

“No. No, I didn’t. I wouldn’t,” she whispered with a certain urgency. She tilted her head to the side to meet your eyes. You were the absolute best thing that ever happened to her, and the fact that you didn’t know was entirely her fault. No matter how hard she tried to keep those she loved safe, the Doctor always ended up making the same mistakes, over and over. Because she loved you and you thought the opposite.

You gave her a breathless, short chuckle, “If believing that makes you sleep easier at night, go ahead–”, you muttered sarcastically.

The Doctor slightly shook her head again. Normally she would respond with a playful remark, telling you Time Lords don’t really sleep, but there was nothing funny in the conversation you two were having. It had nothing to do with the usual domesticity between you. “Listen to me,” she tried again, and with a shaky hand, she tried to touch you again, “you’re trapped in your own mind now, the Veilstryx did this to you. Long story short, he took my form to hurt you, because that’s what he does– he feeds on people’s grief and biggest fears. He manipulates minds to his own advantage…” she could almost count all the freckles from your face, for how close she got. Both her hands were cupping your cheeks, her thumbs tracing soothing circles on your wet skin. “But I’m here now, the real me, the one that would never hurt you, hear me? Never.”

There was so much honesty and sincerity in her eyes, you found yourself vacillating. She sounded so much like your Doctor, the person you fell in love with, so different from the one you saw earlier in the TARDIS.

“I want to trust you, and I feel like a part of me will always do, but what happened earlier– I can’t get it out of my head–”, you exhaled, making the Doctor’s breath hitch painfully. “I never thought you could hurt me like that-” you whispered, your voice was a mixture of sobs and gasps. It was harder to breathe, the more time passed.

The Doctor wanted to shout now, but her voice died in her throat. She kept hold of you, hushing you gently and pulling you against her chest. You let her. Despite everything that happened, you’d always fall for her display of affections, fake or not. That’s what love did to people. It made them stupid, dependent, and weak.

The Doctor had faced all kinds of enemies and dangers throughout her life, but nothing prepared her for such a twist. The possibility of you turning your back to her. “Please, don’t say that. I swear to you, that wasn’t me–” she croaked out, voice heavy with tears. “You have to believe me. I know it’s hard, but if you don’t– “ she clenched her eyes and let out a shaky breath. She couldn’t even spill those words. She couldn't even tell herself that you could die, even less to you. “I don’t want to lose you. Please, I’m beggin’ you. Please, don’t make me lose you.”

There was a flicker of hesitation in your eyes now. Not to what she said, but to what you witnessed earlier in the TARDIS. You had your suspicions too, to be frank, because that person telling you all those horrible things had sounded so artificial, impossibly cruel, and the Doctor you knew was many things, but cruel.

You lightly pulled away from her, eager to lock eyes with her, “you’re telling the truth?” You asked timidly, your voice so small and filled with vulnerability. When the Doctor nodded her head, without the minimum hesitation, you believed her right away. Perhaps it was irresponsible, and rather stupid, but you’d rather believe this version of her, the one you’ve always known, rather than the cruel one.

“I want to believe you,” you continued, a sad smile tracing your features. “This truth is better than the one I saw earlier. Anything would be better than that.”

The Doctor’s eyes shone with hope then, “always been brilliant, you.”

She caught you blushing softly and fidgeting at the compliment received. With extreme gentleness, as if it was the rawest thing in the world, she interlocked your fingers with hers. Another sign to show you she was there for you, and you had nothing to worry about. When she brought your knuckles to her lips, you stared deeply into her hazel eyes, and a wave of guilt flashed through you for all those horrible things you let yourself believe about the Doctor. And if she was in your head now, there was the slight possibility that she knew–You needed to apologize, you needed to tell her you didn’t really believe all those things that crossed your mind the moment the Doctor– the Veilstryx curled his fingers around your neck with the purpose of hurting you. Because meeting her was and will always be the greatest gift of your life.

“Doctor, I need to apologize for– when the Veilstryx took your form and said those things, I–”, you bit your tongue, feeling a crescendo of new tears welling up in your eyes.

“Don’t go there, don’t you dare–” she argued quickly, yet fondly. “I’m the only one that owes you an apology, a big one. And I promise, I’ll make up to you for the rest of my life, but now we should focus on going back. You need to wake up, pull away from the Veilstryx and quickly.”

You nodded, however hesitantly. “How do I do that?”

“By facing your fears and acknowledging them as such. Irrational scenarios of your mind.” That was indeed your Doctor, your brilliant, rambler Doctor. “They aren’t real and they will never be real. Break the contact with the Veilstryx, make sure he has nothing to hold on to. He has no power in the real world, and you should focus on what’s real, on the things you know are real–”

You nodded again, and reluctantly let go of her hand to press your fingers firmly against your temples, as if that gesture would push away the lies he fed you with. Your heart rate picked up and cold sweat started pooling from your forehead. He was resisting you.

“Help me,” you croaked out. “Help me see our life together.”

You didn’t need to ask twice, when she spoke again, her voice was quieter, yet more serious, “Yaz is waiting for you in the TARDIS, the real one,” her eyes widened slightly when she averted her gaze from your eyes to the fingers on your temples. Your digits were turning the same color of the Veilstryx’s wings, as if they were— fading. He was starting to suck you away.

She took your hands in her and took a sigh of relief, realizing she could still feel them. “She is worried sick about you but she’s also mad– nothing serious, you know her. She had a bad feeling about Nectoxia and she was right. Always right, that girl. We should listen to her more often,” there’s a hint of weak playfulness in her tone, that elicits a quiet chuckle in you.

“I should’ve taken her money.”

“You should have. But don’t tell her I said that,” she mused tenderly.

She started talking about all the adventures you lived together, the silly, quite ordinary moments in the TARDIS like the time you slipped on her sonic, while carrying a tray with freshly baked cookies. You were so determined to hold a grudge, but failed every time the Doctor would make eye contact with you. Her and her silly faces always made you cackle.

You merely rolled your eyes at the memory, “You ate all those that fell on the floor.”

“Of course, I did. They were delicious,” she remarked, with a grin.

As she kept talking, you listened attentively, your heart felt lighter and your body warmed up, as if it was coming back to life again. Your hands were tingling, they looked like a hologram, appearing and disappearing intermittently. You were fighting him. When her lips moved to the crown of your head, you smiled and closed your eyes for a brief second, basking in her affection and wishing it could go on forever.

You let out a sigh while clinging to the Doctor’s tee. “The Veilstryx thought he could weaken me by showing me my biggest fear. Little did he know he only made me stronger,” you began, voice quiet but resolute.

Her lip quivered slightly, but she was determined to not make a single noise.

“I think it’s a common fear, especially for those that had the luck to travel with you, the idea that someday all of this will end. For the first moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew you were my best chance in life to be the best version of myself. And I was right. I tried to be like you, to be brave, kind and extraordinary like you. I wanted you to notice me, the way I noticed you.”

The Doctor wanted to say that she noticed you from the very beginning too. That she saw all the things you could be the exact moment you took her hand and joined her in her blue box.

“I’ll hold onto you no matter how much it will hurt later. Because this–” you pulled away and pointed at you and her with a fond smile, “this is worth everything.”

The Doctor ran a hand across your cheek, her fingers trembled as she wiped all your new tears. She later pushed some of your hair from your face, combing it gently, so gently, you closed your eyes and let out a soft sigh.

She leaned in, wishing to be part of your beautiful little bubble. “I’ve never been too good with words, but if there’s one thing I’m sure about is you. You’re an essential pillar in my life and you will always be. I don’t know what the future has in store for us, but I can see how beautiful our present is and I want to live it, the longest possible. And having a time machine at my disposal could help with that, don’t you think?”

“Definitely,” you chuckled.

Your hands were no longer fading, but you felt a tad weird, as if you were being pulled away. There was another voice you heard in the distance. You frowned and lolled your head to the side as to hear it better.

Come on, come on, come back you two… what’s taking you so long?

“I think I’m hearing Yaz…” you muttered confusedly.

“It’s okay,” she encouraged you with a warm smile. “It means you’re waking up. Let it happen. Yaz and I are gonna be there.”

“Promise?”

She nodded her head, eyes softening as she took in your adorable expression. She grasped your chin and lifted your face towards hers, her eyes basked in yours before shifting down towards your lips. Her face was so close you couldn’t help but wish to shorten that gap even more.

I want to kiss you so bad right now, you thought to yourself.

The Doctor chuckled against your mouth, her breath tickling your lips as she spoke. “Same here, stardust, but I think you’d appreciate it more if our first kiss didn’t happen in a dream.”

In that exact moment you realized she heard your thoughts. And instead of feeling uneasy and embarrassed by it, you were happier than ever. You nodded your head, and your heart fluttered at her words. “You better be on the other side then.”

A small, sheepish grin played out on her face, along with a faint blush rose on her cheeks. “Wouldn’t miss it for anything in the Universe.”

#thirteenth doctor #thirteenth doctor x reader #13th doctor #13th doctor x reader #wlw #doctor who imagines #doctor who #yasmin khan #jodie whittaker

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