#13 boyfriends is not too many i’ll put it that way.

[wqnwoos]

realistically! who would you actually actually date from seventeen?

what a horrible question. i plead the fifth (i am not american).

[minniesmutt]

I saw your asks are open, idk if you are still taking rq for this or not https://www.tumblr.com/askgametime/705287969574158336?source=share but if you are can you do

11, 13, 29, 42, 50, 61, 79, 93. With Seung?

🌷

☾ ━━━━━━ 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

☾ ━━━ PAIRING: SEUNGMIN X READER ☾ ━━━ PROMPTS: 11; DP/TP/SPITROASTING 13; ROUGH SEX 29; CRYING DURING SEX/ EMOTIONAL SEX 42; MULTIPLE ORGASMS 50; TENTACLES 61; OVERSTIMULATION 79; CUM INFLATION/BELLY KINK 93; ANAL SEX/PEGGING ☾ ━━━ CONTENT: ASTRONOUT!READER, ALIEN!SEUNGMIN, ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP, MONSTERFUCKING, BREEDING, ROUGH SEX, STRENGTH KINK, NIPPLE PLAY, TENTACLES, FINGERING, SLIGHTLY SADISTIC SEUNGMIN, PRIMAL PLAY (?), SPIT-ROAST/TRIPLE PENETRATION/ DOUBLE PENERTATION, ORAL (M.REC), UNPROTECTED SEX (ANAL + VAGINAL), DACRYPHILIA, CUM INFLATION (MORE SO DESCRIBED AS A FEELING THAN IT BEING PHYSICAL), MULTIPLE ROUNDS, OVERSTIM, MULTIPLE ORGASMS, CLIT PLAY, ☾ ━━━ WC: 2K ☾ ━━━ 18+ work!! minors and ageless/blank blogs DNI! you will be blocked, put an indicator on your blog somewhere that you are 18+ before interacting with this work/blog

     How Y/n’s ship had made it out of the Milky Way was a miracle to her. What wasn’t was a crash landing on an exo-planet. She had zero clue if it was even safe for her to be here until she met Seungmin. He looked human but she learned quickly he wasn’t. Nonetheless, she still trusted him. However, she didn’t feel like she had much of a choice at this point. 

     Seungmin gave her a place to stay and managed to learn her language easily. She learned she’d landed on the planet called MIROH. Something she didn’t know on earth. Meeting his friends whom he threatened swore to secrecy. Not trusting many other people on the planet when it came to other species. Y/n didn’t mind staying in his home much. He was clean and he helped her adapt while she tried to figure out how she was going to get back home.

     His friends had taken a look at her ship with her and they’d concluded that it was fixable but it was going to take some time. It was damaged from its travels— most ships from Earth didn’t last long past the Milky Way galaxy. So she was here for a while.

     The eight aliens—or was she the alien now?— were great company in all honesty. But when you lived with one for so long and he was better than any other man she had met on earth, things were bound to happen. 

     After a good year— in MIROH’s orbit, not Earth orbit— of living with Seungmin, she’d come to realize she had developed feelings for him and she did her best to hide it since she could be leaving at any moment to go back home. But as the year dragged into the next, it looked less likely that she would be home on earth anytime soon. So, MIROH started to become her home and she became okay with having feelings for her roommate. 

     Seungmin on the other hand, had had an inkling of his feelings for her since he found her crashed ship. And like her, he kept to himself since she could leave at any moment and only acted on them when it appeared clear to him and his friends that her going back to Earth was highly unlikely. And if it weren’t for Jisung’s loud mouth, he would have kept them a secret too.

     But seven months after the incident, he was glad his friend had said something rather loudly.

     “Morning,” Y/n kissed her boyfriend’s cheek as he was making her a cup of coffee— or as she described it, coffee adjacent.

     “Morning,” He smiled as he turned and pulled her to him. Y/n smiled and wrapped her arms around him

     “Oh! Can I ask you a question?”

     “You just did but I’ll give you a second one.”

     “Haha, very funny. I was talking with Hyunjin yesterday—”

     “Terrible idea.”

     Y/n glared at him for a moment before continuing, “Anyways. He asked about our sex life.”

     “Why?”

     “Specifically about something I didn’t know you had.”

     “I have no idea what you are talking about.” He did. But he was deciding the best way to bury his friend’s body at the moment

     “Were you ever going to tell me you had tentacles? Or a breeding season?”

     “You’ve lived with me for two years and you didn’t know I had a breeding season?”

     “You were not around much when it occurred.”

     Seungmin sighed, “I was going to tell you eventually but I know it’s not something you’re used to and I didn’t want to scare you away.”

     “Min, respectfully, where am I going to go?”

     “I guess you’re right. But it’s still a lot more than what we do now.”

     “Well, tell me about it.”

     “Are you sure?”

     “Yep,” Y/n reached behind him, grabbed her cup of coffee, and dragged him over to the couch. Making him tell her every detail of it.

    His species breeding season was a few weeks away so they’d planned to just lock themselves away in the house until it was over, most of the aliens on the planet did anyways so it wouldn’t be weird. Seungmin had gathered supplies before the season started— most of which he had in the house anyway. He honestly wasn’t too sure how this was going to affect Y/n. He’d unfortunately heard from Chan and Minho that their species females were hyper fertile during the season so he didn’t know what to expect from his human girlfriend.

    Once the season changed, Seungmin felt it. They were up late again, Y/n was in the kitchen fixing something to snack on when she heard a loud groan from the living room. “You okay Min?”

    “No,” he groaned

    “What happened?”

    “It started.”

     It took Y/n a moment to remember what he was talking about. At first, she questioned if the men of MIROH got periods but then she remembered. Breeding season.

     “Come here, please,” Seungmin called.

     Y/n put her snack in the fridge and joined her boyfriend in the living room, at least for a second. Seungmin had stood quickly and picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder.

     “Minnie!” She squealed, surprised by the strength she didn’t know he had to begin with.

     “Sorry,” He mumbled as he got into their bedroom. Practically throwing her on the bed.

     Y/n’s face grew warmer at the action. Watching as he stripped away his shirt and pinned her to the mattress, lips immediately attaching to hers. Y/n moaned into his lips as his hands pinned her wrists down to the mattress. Y/n was so used to him being more on the softer side, only sometimes being a little harder— explaining it linked to his species’ tendencies. Now she knew it meant their breeding season.

     Seungmin’s lips moved down to her neck, giving her a quick warning about his tentacles before two appendages were snaking up her shirt. They felt warm, not slimy like the movies on Earth would describe them. Though they were strong. They managed to tear her shirt off her and then wrap it around her breasts. Kneading them and playing with her nipples.

     “Min,” Y/n moaned as she arched into him

     “Fuck, you sound so good,” Seungmin moaned as his hands moved down from her wrists to pull down her bottoms and underwear. Getting rid of both pieces in one go.

     His middle finger slid inside her, pumping in and out of her. The two appendages that were on her breasts moved up and wrapped around her wrists. Holding her down against the bed as he marked up her neck, finger pumping in and out of her.

     “More,” Y/n whined

     “Yeah?” Seungmin teased as he slipped another finger into her. Y/n moaned in reply before he pushed his lips back to hers. Tongue finding its way into her mouth and twirling around hers. 

     His fingers moved in and out of her as she tried reaching for him. Needing to hold him but the tentacles holding her wrists kept her from doing so. Seungmin smiled against her lips, feeling her struggle against him. He pulled his fingers out and grabbed hold of her hands. Y/n laced her fingers with his as his tentacles moved and pushed down his pants and boxers. Y/n barely noticed until the appendages spread her legs. Seungmin pushed himself right against her. 

     Y/n moaned against his lips as he ground against her. Tentacles holding her legs open before they flipped her onto her stomach. Seungmin’s hands were on top of hers and kissed down her back. 

     “I love you,” Seungmin mumbled

     “Love you too,” Y/n mumbled 

     She felt two more warm—slightly wet— tentacles on her body. Prodding at both her holes. Y/n moaned as she pushed back against him. Seungmin smiled as one pushed into her cunt. Listening to her moans. The slipperiness of the tentacle helped slide in easily, the other tentacle worked slowly past the tight rim of her ass. Y/n moaned and squeezed around him. 

     Seungmin mumbled praises into her back as both slimy appendages made their way into her. Her fingers tightened around his before he pulled her head up with one tentacle. “Open your mouth for me, baby,” Seungmin commanded. 

     Y/n opened her mouth like he said to and a tentacle slipped down her throat. Y/n moaned around the appendage as the one inside her pussy started moving slowly out to push back in her. The tentacle in her throat moved with it. The only one staying still was in her ass. Seungmin still letting her adjust to him being in there. 

     Slowly the pace picked up a bit and the third one joined in. Y/n moaned as tears pricked her lash line. Seungmin held onto her hands as he mumbled praises into her back. Somehow she felt the tentacles getting deeper in her with each thrust. She felt him everywhere. In parts, she didn’t know that could be reached. It made her eyes almost roll back. Her jaw relaxed fully, hearing the noises that came from the tentacle fucking her throat. 

     “Fuck,” Seungmin groaned. One hand went under her and rolled her clit. Her walls tightened around him as he stimulated the little bud. Her moans were silenced by the appendage in her throat. His fingers worked quickly on the bud as she tightened around him more. Her hips started to buck erratically against his hand as he kissed her shoulder blades.

     She felt warmth in her throat as she was about to tip over the edge. Warm and sweet. Y/n’s eyes rolled back as her orgasm hit while he was filling her throat with his cum. Seungmin groaned behind her as the other two tentacles released his load into her. Pushing deep inside her and letting the cum fill her. Y/n moaned as she came down from her high while the tentacle left her throat. She caught her breath as Seungmin held her close to him.

     “Minnie.” Y/n’s voice was hoarse.

     “Sorry. It’s gonna take a minute,” her boyfriend told her

     She could feel the cum making its way into her. After a couple more moments, he pulled out of her and turned her around, laying her on her back and pushing into both holes again. 

     “Min!” Y/n gasped

     “Gotta make it stick baby,” He said as he started thrusting into her. “Gotta fill you up.”

     Y/n threw her head back as the tentacles kept her arms and legs pinned to the bed. Not letting her move her limbs. She felt another on her clit. Sucking on the bud as Seubgmin held onto her waist with his hands. Watching the tears fall from her lashline from the overstimulation. He did not know how much she could handle but he was almost blinded by the need to breed.

     “Minnie! I’m gonna cum!” Y/n cried out

     “Cum. Cum all over me baby,” Seungmin groaned

     He watched her hand clench and her limbs spasm slightly. Feeling the familiar warmth of her cum coating his cock as he started picking up his pace. Fucking her through the high then pulled her closer to him as he fucked her to his second high. Wrapping his arms around her as the two tentacles pumped into her before burying themselves deep in her again. Seungmin held her as close as he could as his cum filled her

     “Min,” Y/n mumbled

     “I’ve got you,” Seungmin kissed the side of her head

     “Sleepy,” Y/n groaned

     “I’ll clean you up when I’m finished then we can go to bed.”

     Y/n nodded and weakly wrapped her arms around him. Once he finished, he took her to the bathroom, getting both of them cleaned up and redressed.

     “Feel okay?” Seungmin asked as he got her in bed

     “Full,” Y/n grumbled

     “Oh baby, we still have a whole month left.”

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[whiskey-tango-matcha]

Hard to Shake (M, cold)

Woof, that was too long of a hiatus. I'm back with some Greyson sickfic! In this, Greyson has a one night stand and ends up 'running into' his hookup in a not-so-stellar way. This was a fun write, I'm feeling a little rusty after taking a couple months off writing but I hope you all like it. Please let me know what ya think, good, bad or indifferent! :)

CW: M snz, colds, contagion, coughing, some M/M romance but nothing above PG-13 lol. 5k words (it's a slow burn, shocker, I know)

Hard to Shake

The club was dark, humid, and loud as fuck - just the way he liked it.

“I’ll get us drinks,” Matt said, disappearing into the crowd to push towards the bar without waiting on Greyson’s response. Not that he would have stopped his counterpart; Matt had a boyfriend waiting for him at the end of this black hole of a night. Greyson, alternatively, was on the prowl for a bed, and someone to share it with.

They had begun the night at two pm, just an hour after brunch ended, since the only way to get a proper buzz on a Sunday was to start early as hell. Elijah had closed the restaurant early – “We’ve had ten guests all day. It’s too damn hot for brunch, and I want to go home” – and Mark was currently on a plane home from England after a week spent with family; it was like the universe was begging them to go out.

The restaurant’s reservations had been capped at a tiny number the next two days to prepare for their food writer dinner on Wednesday, and Greyson was so nervous about this career-shaping dinner that he could barely keep himself from lapsing into panic attacks at the slightest provocation; it was Matt who insisted on the bender.

“We haven’t gone on a good one since Mark and I got together,” the sous chef had said after service. “And you need a drink, you're acting like a psycho.”

Greyson, never one to deny himself a good binge drink, had taken the bait and allowed himself to be paraded through the city for the rest of the day. Now, at eleven pm and with Mark back at his and Matt's place safe and sound, Greyson could feel the night coming to a close. Time to round it out with a good old-fashioned one-night-stand.

Without waiting for Matt to return with the drinks, Greyson sashayed onto the dance floor and began grinding on whoever seemed the most into it – he ground on a group of drunk men, twirled between two gorgeous women who laughed giddily through the song, and put his tongue into so many people’s mouths that he lost count. Of course it was fun; it always was. But the hunt for a bed partner had proven, thus far, unsuccessful.

“There you are,” Matt slurred, coming up behind his boss and shoving a whiskey into his hand. “Why do you always run off? I’m about three seconds away from getting you one of those toddler-leash backpacks.”

“Makin’ friends, Matty boy,” Greyson said, chugging his drink and slamming the glass onto the closest table he could find. “Some of us don’t have the luxury of goin’ home to a warm, naked man in our bed.” Greyson elbowed Matt playfully and the younger man rolled his eyes.

“Fair ‘nough,” he said, sipping his drink. “Hey, actually, I saw someone who was exactly your type back near the bar. Talkin’ about food and everything.” Greyson raised his eyebrows, intrigued, and Matt looped his arm into his boss’s and led him back towards the horseshoe-shaped bar. “Let’s see if we can’t get you fucked to sleep.”

Matt pushed the two of them through the crowd, his head on a swivel, until finally he spotted the man he’d been talking about. “There he is,” Matt said, pushing Greyson towards the bar. “Do your thing.”

The sous hadn’t lied; this man was quintessential Greyson’s type. Shorter than his six-foot-three-inches by about half a foot, perfect skin, hair coiffed in a way that just smelled of total pretentious douchebag, and a full blazer and dress pants at the club. Oh yeah, Greyson thought, pulling the elastic out of his sandy curls and shaking them to fall around his shoulders, there’s the rest of my evening.

“Hi,” Greyson said, pushing himself in front of whoever the guy had been talking to before. “Can I buy you a drink?”

***

In his defense, he hadn't known the condition of the man he'd left with until they got to his apartment. The club had been dark; he could barely hear the sound of his own voice, let alone the wheeze of someone else’s. And he’d been really, really drunk.

“Hh-! EISHH-oo! ISHH-oo!” The man – Reed, Greyson had learned his name was – curled into his elbow to sneeze as he pushed open the door to his apartment. “Shit, pardon mbe,” he muttered, clearing his throat and beckoning Greyson in. The chef, blasted as he was, simply ignored Reed’s constant sneezing.

“Now, where were we?” Greyson purred, pawing the back of Reed’s head and pulling it into his own. The two stood in the entry of Reed’s apartment – a truly incredible fifteenth-story one-bedroom in the Upper East Side with its own doorman – making out until Reed had to pull away to catch his breath.

“Shit,” he said again, panting, “sorry. Thought the worst of this fuckin’ cold was behind mbe but – ISHHOO! Snrf. Apparently ndot.” He wiped his nose on the back of his hand and cringed. “I understand if you don’t want to stay,” he said, giving Greyson an apologetic look.

Greyson remained unfettered. “Reed,” he said, taking a step back towards the other man. “Stop talking. And get in bed.”

Reed’s face colored. He opened his mouth to say something, but Greyson cut him off with another kiss.

“What did I just say?” Greyson asked, taking off his t-shirt and unbuttoning Reed’s expensive-looking button down. “Get in the bed -” - he yanked the shirt off the smaller man and licked him, navel to collar bone, prompting a moan - “- and let me take care of you.”

To his credit, Reed did as he was told. He did as he was told all night long.

***

“Lij, I don’t want to alarm you.”

“Greyson, I don’t want to hear it. Zip it. I’m being so serious right now.”

“I don’t want to alarm you,” Greyson repeated, slamming the rest of the bottle of Pedialyte and holding onto the prep table as if for dear life, “but I think I may be dying. I think I may need you to call me an ambulance.”

Elijah swung his chair around and strode towards the chef. He took the sunglasses Greyson had placed on his face the moment he walked inside the bright kitchen and tossed them across the room. He regarded the chef with an annoyance usually reserved for parents of crying toddlers at Disneyland.

“Your drinking antics, Grey, are what most people would describe as ‘a you problem’. You decide to get unreasonably wasted and then come in to prep one of the biggest dinners of your career? That’s a you problem. I don’t want to hear it. The only thing I want to hear is your knife going into and out of different types of food.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to hear about the incredibly hot guy I hooked up with last night?” Greyson asked, a smile blooming at his lips. Elijah, despite himself, felt his eyebrows raise halfway up his face.

“But you haven’t slept with anyone in months,” he said, annoyed at himself for taking the bait but too curious to stop himself from saying anything. “I thought you were on a self-imposed time-out?”

Greyson shrugged, pushed his hair into a bun at the top of his head, and secured it with an elastic. “I was,” he said. “But - and you’re not going to believe this, but it’s true – I am finally feeling… I dunno. Healed?”

“Healed?” Elijah asked, snorting. “I think you’ve been taking too many hot yoga classes. Like, spiritually healed?”

Greyson tipped his head back and forth, considering. “Kind of,” he said. “Like… ready. Moved on from Collin. Prepared to get back out there for real, not in a self-punishing way.”

Elijah whistled, long and low. “Wow,” he said, patting Greyson’s back. “Well, congrats, man. A little over a year and you’re finally back on your feet. That’s actually quite impressive.”

“Thanks,” Greyson laughed, shoving Elijah playfully. “I was also really drunk and you know nothing stops drunk-Greyson when he decides he’s going to sleep with someone.”

“There it is,” Elijah said, rolling his eyes and laughing. “So… tell me about him. Did you get his name?”

Greyson dead-panned his boss as he pulled knives out of his bag and cracked his neck. “Yes, I got his name, Elijah. That’s what healed people do, they get people’s names before sleeping with them, and I am, as previously stated, healed.”

Elijah flipped the chef off lazily, non-committal. “Well, out with it then,” he said. “What’s his name? Tell me about the night.”

“His name is Reed Parker, and we fucked til the sun came out,” Greyson said simply, laughing at his own gregariousness. He looked up when he realized that Elijah wasn’t laughing – in fact, his face had gone stark-white. “What?”

“Reed Parker?” Elijah asked, pulling out his phone. “You’re sure that’s his name?”

“Umm, according to him at least, yeah,” Greyson said, unwrapping a pan with a cleaned striploin in it. “Why, do you know him?”

“No,” Elijah said, pushing his phone towards Greyson. “But if that’s him, we’re going to know him in two days.”

Greyson looked down at the phone and felt the wave of nausea he’d been holding back all morning wash over him – oh. Oh, no.

Pulled up on Elijah’s phone was an Instagram post from The Foodie Society – a group of well-acclaimed food critics and writers in the city. The group that was hosting a dinner at Elliot’s in two days. The group that would likely be the deciding factor in whether Greyson got nominated for a James Beard award this year.

We are so excited to announce Reed Parker, writer of the extremely popular food blog, ‘Eat Like You Mean It’, as our newest Foodie Society member! Reed has been a prolific writer and food critic in the city for nearly five years, and we are so delighted to have him aboard. Can’t wait to collaborate with you, Reed!

Above the blurb was a photo of – undoubtedly – the man that Greyson had slept with the night before. He looked markedly healthier in the photo, and his hair was a little longer, but there wasn’t any was it wasn’t him. Greyson swallowed hard.

“Oh… shit,” Greyson muttered, lowering himself to the floor. “Oh, no.”

“Maybe he was drunk, too?” Elijah said, the panic clear in his voice. “Maybe he won’t remember?” Elijah kneeled down next to Greyson, trying to console him. “Hey, Grey, it’s alright. Obviously you guys didn’t know who the other one was. It’s not like he’s going to think you slept with him to get the nomination. It was just drunk sex. Right?”

“He gave me an out,” Greyson muttered, shaking his head. He looked up at Elijah, eyes wild. “Maybe he did know, or maybe he figured it out on the walk back to his place, because he gave me a fuckin’ out.”

“What do you mean?” Elijah asked, pulling Greyson back to his feet. The chef stood, but placed his head in his hands and his elbows on the prep table, as if to steady himself.

“He was getting over some sort of sickness, and he said he’d understand if I didn’t want to stay. He basically told me to get out and I just… fuck. I told him I didn’t care, and I stayed the night. Shit. I’m never going to get nominated now. There’s no fucking way.” Greyson rubbed both hands down his face and shook his head in disbelief. “I fucked myself.”

“Greyson,” Elijah said, taking his friend’s chin and lifting it so their eyes met. “You didn’t fuck yourself. Okay? He didn’t know it was you. It was a mistake, and also he’s brand new there, it’s not like he’s THE deciding factor. Just – wait, did you say he was sick?”

Greyson, his chin still in Elijah’s fingers, looked away from his boss with just his eyes. “Uhh… I mean, yeah, kind of, I guess. He had some sort of cold, I think.”

“You purposely slept with someone who was sick three days before this huge dinner?”

“Umm… did I mention I was really drunk?”

Elijah sighed loudly and threw his hands in the air. “Never a dull fuckin’ moment with you, is there?” he mumbled, storming into the office and pillaging through their medicine cabinet. He returned a moment later with Emergen-C and Airborne in his hands. “Take those.”

“Yes, sir,” Greyson muttered, pulling them to his side of the table. “Sorry.”

“I think it’s crazy that out of all the millions of people you probably saw yesterday, the one you just so happened to pick is a food writer who could decide your future fate who also had a fucking cold. There wasn’t a single other person in the city you could sleep with?”

“Apparently not,” Greyson muttered, pouring Emergen-C into his water bottle. Elijah took a deep breath before continuing.

“Let’s just… let’s try to get through the next couple days,” he said, heading back to the office. “I am glad you want to get back out there,” he continued from afar, “just maybe give them a cursory Google before you bang them next time. Okay?”

Greyson, completely deflated, just nodded. He swallowed and thought he could already feel a twinge of a sore throat, which would just figure. His dick had sealed his fate. Fuck.

***

Tuesday, May 12

NEW MESSAGE

Matt

3:53pm

r u almost back??? idk how much longer I can handle them at each others throats.

Mark

3:58pm

On my way back now! Are they at each other’s throats again?? I thought they were over it..

Matt

3:59pm

has elijah ever REALLY been over smthn..? & greyson’s going down fast af so hes pissy.

Mark

4:02pm

It seemed like he was in the downward slide when I left...ugh. ok, I’ll be back in 15!

“We are ndot,” Greyson said from behind his sous chef, “at each other’s throats.”

Matt jumped at the sound of his boss’s voice and quickly clicked his phone screen off. “Don’t read my private texts, Chef, that’s rude.”

Greyson shrugged and pulled a tissue out of the box on the desk next to Matt. “Don’t talk shit about your boss and you don’t have to worry about mbe being ruuhh – huh! Hh...IGTSZHH-ue! Hh-NTSHZH-ue!” Greyson crumpled into the jacket he’d pulled over his chef’s coat to sneeze. His hair fell over his face, blocking the grimace he hid as he sucked in through his nose.

“Bless you, moron,” Elijah called from the dining room. Greyson rolled his eyes so hard he felt it splinter in his head. Matt winced when he saw Greyson shudder with pain, and stood from the desk.

“The prep sheets for tomorrow are all written, Chef, tell me how I can help you,” he said, guiding Greyson into the chair. Greyson allowed himself to be sat down, despite his better judgment.

“I feel pretty good about -”

“You feel pretty good? Is that a joke?” Elijah asked, pushing through the swinging kitchen doors and leaning on the office door frame. Greyson gave his boss the dirtiest look he could muster and turned back to Matt without a word to his boss.

“I feel confident about the first three courses for tomborrow’s dinner, but the steak and dessert I feel like we’re way behind. Plus I have ndo idea how the guys are looking for service tondight, so pick which one of those you’d rather tackle and I’ll – hhuh! Hh...HUHESTZHH-ue! Fuck, snrf.” Greyson grabbed another tissue and blew his nose before finishing. “I’ll do the other onde.”

Matt nodded while Elijah stood wordlessly in the doorway. “I’ll get with the guys and help them with tonight, make sure it goes smooth,” he said. Greyson nodded back and his sous looked away and scurried towards the line. Elijah, in stark contrast, pushed past Greyson and sat at the other end of their shared desk, unwilling to look away from the mess that was the executive chef.

“How ya feeling?” he asked finally. Greyson pulled another tissue out of the box just in time.

“HRTSHH-ue!” he sneezed into the tissue and let a tickling flurry of coughs escape as well. Elijah sighed, looked into the kitchen, and reached past Greyson to shut the door to their office.

“How are you feeling,” he asked again. “Seriously.”

Greyson sighed wheezily and pulled a hand down his face. “Honestly?” he said, looking Elijah in the eye, “like fuckin’ shit.”

Elijah sighed as well. “You seemed okay when you came in this morning,” he said, as though it mattered.

“I felt okay this mborning,” Greyson admitted. “I mean, I felt like it was coming but I definitely didn’t feel this… shitty.” He shrugged. “It just… I don’t kndow. Hit mbe out of nowhere.”

Elijah nodded. “I mean, if you want to leave so you’re good for tomorrow, you know I’ll understand.” Greyson just scoffed.

“I have so mbuch shit to do before tomborrow,” he said, sucking in through his nose and coughing again. “There’s ndo way in hell.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, until Elijah sighed. “Fuck, Greyson. I’m really sorry.” He looked up at his friend, the true pity evident on his face. “I know how important this dinner is to you. It’s still going to be great, okay? If you need to par it down, do it. It’s not like they know what’s on the menu til tomorrow. I’m cutting off reservations tonight so you can go home early, okay? We’re going to make this work.”

Greyson had to set his jaw to keep from tearing up. “It’s mby own damn fault,” he said. “Ndo need to baby mbe – hh...HTSHH-ue! HRTSHH! NTSHH! Huh! Huhhh-ETSZHHH-uee!” Greyson collapsed into his own lap, lapsed into coughs again. Elijah handed him a water bottle, which he took the cap off of while wiping his nose with the other hand.

“Can we go back to you being a dick to mbe?” Greyson asked, his voice rough. “That I can handle.”

Elijah pressed his lips together to keep from smiling. “Sure, Chef. Get your lazy ass up and start prepping,” he joked, pushing Greyson’s arm lightly. “Sitting is for the weak.”

Greyson smirked, an attempt at a laugh that wouldn’t make him cough. “Thanks, Lij,” he said. “Let’s get this stupid fuckigg show on the road.”

***

Course One

Compressed Cantaloupe

tarragon | smoked sea salt | brown butter crumble

Reed sat in the cushy, velvet chair and attempted to make himself comfortable. He hoped beyond hope that this dinner would go as quickly as humanly possible.

After their little rendevouz at the club, of course Reed had looked Greyson up; in this day and age, who wouldn’t look up their previous night’s partner, if only to make sure they weren’t some sort of psycho killer. And after he looked him up, of course he realized that oh. It was that Greyson Abbott. The same one whose food he was about to be poised in front of. The one who he and his fellow writers gathered around this table were tasked with deciding whether or not he was worthy of a Beard nod.

Of course.

Reed shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. The other writers had started talking immediately and, this being his first dinner with them, he was feeling awkward and left out. He really could have used the distraction of talking about their craft, but apparently he would have to earn a word tossed in his direction. This was going to be a long evening.

At least the restaurant is beautiful, Reed thought to himself. He’d never been to Elliot’s before, and now he was kicking himself for it. The wrap-around bar, the view of the park, the chandeliers… everything was gorgeous. He just wished he wasn’t here with these people, under the circumstance that his fling was in the kitchen plating up. That put a bit of a damper on things.

“Good evening,” a husky voice came from the head of the table, and Reed whipped his head to see a gorgeous plate of food placed in front of him, and the absolute god of a man he’d slept with a few days before standing just feet from him. Reed swallowed hard.

“I’mb Greyson,” Greyson said, and Reed immediately clocked the congestion in his voice. So you did give him that cold. Asshole, Reed chided himself. Greyson attempted to clear his throat before continuing.

“If you’ll excuse mby voice, I’mb at the tail end of a cold,” he continued, and Reed felt his face flame. Tail end, he thought. Yeah, sure.

“Our first course is compressed cantaloupe,” Greyson said. “I hope you enjoy. Pardon mbe, I have to get back to screaming at mby cooks.”

The group laughed in earnest as the chef walked away. Reed, too embarrassed to even look at the other writers, just picked up his fork and gathered a bite on it. He stuck it in his mouth and closed his eyes.

Christ, Reed thought, he cooks as well as he fucks.

Course Two

Hamachi

yuzu pearls | grapefruit | coconut crème

“I swear to God, Mbatt, what is goigg on?” Greyson yelled the moment he walked back into the kitchen. “We’re already behind, and none of the hamachi is on the plates yet? Can we please get it the fuck together che – ehh! HhITSZHH-uh! HRITSZHH-ue!”

Greyson yanked his chef’s coat over his nose and mouth and ducked away from the plates. The cooks called, “Bless, Chef,” and Elijah came up behind him with Sudafed – “The good shit, from behind the pharmacist counter,” he’d promised Greyson earlier, when he made an emergency trip to Walgreens for medicine – and popped two into his hand.

“I just took two,” Greyson croaked, sucking in through his nose.

“Well, it sounds like they’ve already worn off,” Elijah countered. Greyson swallowed the pills and coughed. “Is he out there?”

“Of course he’s out there, Lij, did you think he’d cancel because of mbe?” Greyson said, washing his hands and heading towards the pass to place hamachi on plates. “Like you said, hopefully he doesn’t remember.”

“Hard to forget a giant, loud, blonde buffoon who’s sporting the cold you just got over,” Elijah murmured, and Greyson flipped him off. “Just saying,” Elijah said.

“I don’t have timbe to think about him,” Greyson said, swallowing painfully. “I can’t think about anything but this.”

Elijah nodded. “You’re right,” he said. “Let me jump in with the pearls.”

Course Three

Lamb Lollipop

harissa | mint chutney | bbq ‘chip’

“Pretty incredible, right?”

These were the first words uttered to Reed all night, said moments after the third course was placed in front of him and seconds after Greyson disappeared back into the kitchen. Reed could see him dip into an elbow to sneeze before he made it back to the kitchen. He cringed; poor guy. This was all his fault.

“Reed?”

The writer who’d spoken to him waved a hand in front of his face to snap him out of his stupor. Reed pulled his head back to the table and smiled. “Really incredible,” he said. “I mean, this guy has talent.”

“For sure,” the other writer said. “I mean, he’s been hoping for a Beard nod for years.”

“Yeah?” Reed asked, hungry for any bit of lore he could get about Greyson. The other writer dug into his lamb as he nodded.

“About five years,” he said. “The menu is deemed as one of the best in the city, and he changes it every single day. I mean, the guy’s an animal.”

Reed nodded slowly. He could only imagine how hard Greyson had worked, how nervous he was, especially with Reed's stupid ass sitting here to judge him. Especially when Greyson was sick as a dog.

“That he is,” Reed said, and he took another incredible bite.

Course Four

Rutabaga Tart

fennel | feta | cured egg yolk

“Matt can put these on the plates, Chef,” Elijah said, putting a hand on Greyson’s back. “Take a quick break before you have to talk to them again. Drink some water. Blow your nose.”

Greyson shook his head, pushed the flop sweat off his forehead. “This is mby shot. These are mby plates,” he said, his voice just above a whisper. “I’mb here until the end.”

Elijah pressed his lips together and flashed Matt a look. The sous chef just raised his eyebrows and gave a little shrug. Once Greyson was like this… well, there was certainly no arguing with him.

“Okay,” Elijah said. “I’ll make you some tea, then.”

“Thank you, Lij,” Greyson managed, before ducking under the pass to sneeze into the collar of his chef’s coat. “God, fuck, I’mb gonna have to throw this thing away after this.”

“More like burn it,” Matt countered, prompting the first laugh from Greyson all evening.

“Burn it is right,” Greyson said. “HHITSZHH-ue!”

Course Five

Striploin

deconstructed bearnaise | white asparagus | duxelle

The fifth course was placed in front of them, and the writers looked up expectantly at Greyson.

“Forgive mbe,” Greyson said, his voice strained to a whisper. “I’ve yelled mbyself out in the kitchen, so mby number-two will introduce your last two courses.”

The writers tutted or laughed and looked over towards the sous chef – everyone except Reed. Reed was staring at Greyson, hoping he could hear his thoughts. I’m sorry you’re sick. I’m sorry I’m here. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

The sous finished the description and the writers began to eat once again. Reed was sure he could hear the younger chef say to Greyson, “Just one more, Chef,” as they walked back to the kitchen.

Reed sighed and took a bite of his steak. He closed his eyes; perfection.

He did not deserve to be here.

Course Six

Matcha Milk Bombe

coffee | pastry crumb

Greyson placed the final pastry onto the final plate and turned away to cough as the servers brought his final plate of food to the critics. He felt like he was attending his own funeral.

“I don’t think I can go out there again, Lij,” Greyson said, shaking his head and crouching down on the ground. “I can’t look at all of themb, I’ve embarrassed myself enough.”

“You haven’t embarrassed yourself at all, Grey,” Elijah promised, pushing Greyson’s sweaty hair out of his face. “But I understand if you’re too exhausted. I’ll go out for the last one, thank them all for being here.”

“Please,” Greyson said. Elijah nodded, stood, and left the kitchen to meet the writers, while Matt nodded towards the office.

“Go,” he said to his boss. “Sit. You did it.”

Greyson shook his head. “Gotta clean mbyself up first,” he said, standing and moving towards the kitchen doors. “I’mb using the damn guest bathroom, fuck those pretentious assholes.”

Matt laughed in earnest. “You’ve earned it for sure, Chef.”

Greyson slipped into the guest bathroom, hoping no one saw him, and locked himself in a stall. Finally, he sat down and let himself go.

“HITSHH-ue!” Greyson sneezed into the open, then quickly grabbed a handful of toilet paper to keep from becoming the restaurant’s biggest biohazard. “HTTSHH! IIITZSCHUE! Huh! Hh…. huh, huhhh… huhhETSZHHH-ue! Huh! HRRRSHHH! Fuuuck mbe.” Greyson blew his nose, beyond exhaustion. He felt like shit. He knew he looked like shit. He’d put out shit food, he’d been in a shit mood… this whole thing was just… shit.

Finally, feeling a little more cleared out, Greyson flushed the toilet paper and unlocked the stall. When he exited, he nearly jumped out of his skin. There, in the doorway, was his fling - Reed.

“Jesus,” Greyson said, placing a hand on his chest. “Give a guy a fuckin’ heart attack.”

Reed shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, then let Greyson by to wash his hands. “Sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean to scare you. Bless you. By the way.”

Greyson huffed out a laugh. “Thangks,” he said, drying his hands. “Sombe cold you’re passing around town. Shouldn’t you be finishing your meal? Or was it so bad you’re here to hock it back up?”

“It was incredible,” Reed said earnestly. “Truly, Greyson. Thank you. I… I’m sorry. For being here, for getting you sick, I – I didn’t know that this place was… um… yours.”

“Mmm, more Elijah’s than mbine,” Greyson mumbled, looking away from Reed’s face. “But, uh… thank you. Glad you enjoyed. Hopefully it's ndot for nothing.”

"I don't think it will be. They all had nothing but good things to say. I'm just the grunt, but I mean...you have my vote. You're... You're incredible," Reed said, the words escaping his mouth before he could even consider what he was saying.

Greyson tried to hide a small smile by looking down. They both stood awkwardly until Greyson cleared his throat. “I, uh… better get back to mby guys,” he said, starting towards the door.

“I had an amazing time the other night,” Reed blurted out suddenly. “I, um… I haven’t stopped thinking about it, actually.”

Greyson smirked, the tension finally broken. “Yeah?” he asked. Reed nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “You’re… you’re hard to shake.”

Greyson took a step closer to Reed, looking him in the eye now. He sniffled, rubbed his nose, and crossed his arms, a smile dancing on his lips. “Who are you, Reed Parker?” he asked. Reed’s face flushed bright red.

“I – I don’t know what you mean. I’m a food writer.”

“Mmm,” Greyson nodded. “Well, Reed the food writer who can’t get mbe out of his mind, at the moment I’m a bit, uh… incapacitated. But,” Greyson pulled a Sharpie out of his coat’s side pocket and grabbed Reed’s hand, “if I’m still rattling around in your brain in a few days… give mbe a call.” Greyson coughed into his shoulder, capped the Sharpie, and gave Reed a little smile.

“I will,” Reed said, biting his cheek. “Thank you. For, um… dinner.”

Greyson paused, thinking, then took a bold step towards Reed, grabbed his chin in his hand, and planted a deep kiss on his lips. “It was my pleasure,” he said, and stepped out of the room.

Reed stood, flushed and breathless, for a moment. The kiss sat, swelling his lips, sweeter than any dessert he’d ever had; he looked at the number on his hand, felt his heart catch in his throat.

Greyson Abbott, he thought, looking towards the bathroom door. Holy shit.

[scarabsinthestardust]

Tender // Ch. 5

MASTERLIST

word count: 3200+

I'm so sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out, friends. I came back from vacation sick and had a lot of catching up to do. But here we are, and chapter 6 is already almost done, too. Things are getting intense, and I am again apologizing for what's to come.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: child abuse; religious violence; burns; depression; anxiety; paranoia; unspecified undiagnosed mental illness; language; alcoholism; intoxication; jealousy; suicidal ideations; drunk driving; verbal argument; physical violence; domestic abuse; blood; mentions of hospitals, stitches, shots, and medication; manipulation; toxic behavior; stalking behavior (if I missed anything, let me know)

There was no rhyme or reason for what they’d done to him. They could probably justify their actions in their own deluded minds, but to anyone on the outside, it was barbaric and cruel. When the boy asked why, his voice raw from screaming, they only told him it was God’s will, whatever that meant.

The boy is 13 now. He’d read the Bible, and he didn’t recall anything about this. Of course, he fought against the pain. Who could be expected to sit quietly and obediently when there is red hot metal being pushed against their flesh? His mother chose the spot of a small birthmark above his right hip. The offending spot, a mark of the Devil, needed to be cleansed. The pain would eventually fade, a jagged scar in its place, but you don’t ever forget the smell of burning flesh, especially your own.

~

I was 16 when I left that place. I had nowhere to go and no plan, but I’m smart enough to know how to survive. I managed to save up whatever money I could scrape up and worked as hard as I could until I was able to land steadily on my own feet. I pulled myself up from the ground and rarely asked anyone for help. I refused to rely on anyone. People can’t be trusted, and I’m the perfect example.

I thought that being with Josh would be the remedy I needed to fix myself, that he would be the one to pull me out of the water and back onto solid ground. But I never should have put that on him. It was never his responsibility, but now I’m finding that it’s easier to blame him for my slip-ups than admitting that I have a problem.

The band isn’t due to go back on tour for quite some time, but they’re in the process of writing and recording new music, which requires a lot of time spent at the studio. I know they’re working so hard, and I should be proud of him, but the longer this takes, the further he slips away. He spends all day with his brothers and returns home late and too exhausted to do much of anything other than sleep.

I can tell our last fight (if I can really call it that) still weighs heavily on him. He doesn’t talk as much, which I thought would be relieving, but instead it only makes him seem more distant, and it hurts. He doesn’t ask me many questions anymore, and he’s hesitant to try and make plans. I curse myself for creating that dark cloud of unsurety that hovers over him.

I fell off the wagon in Wichita, and I haven’t gotten back on it. Some days are more difficult than others. Josh tries to keep me afloat as best he can. He’s done what he can to keep me away from any alcohol, and he’s even dropped me off at a couple of AA meetings to make sure I go. But it’s not like there’s a step-by-step manual on how to make sure your boyfriend doesn’t decide to be a piece of shit today.

I’m assigned to a job that’s supposed to keep me out of town for a few days, but some changes in plans have me returning home a day early. I try to call Josh on my way back, but I only get his voicemail. He doesn’t call me back, but eventually sends a text. “Sorry I missed your call. I’m out with the guys, so I’ll be out late. I’ll see you when I get home.” The little heart emoji at the end makes me scoff. ‘Out with the guys.’ He’s at the bar with his brothers, and there’s no telling what he’s getting up to.

I don’t know why I’m finding it so hard to trust him these days. I want to believe that he wouldn’t lie to me, wouldn’t allow himself to be whisked away by some other man, but then I remember that I’m beneath him, and he’s weak. I imagine it wouldn’t take much, that he’d give in to the first handsome man that spares him a sultry glance.

I don’t go home, and I don’t go to his house. Not yet. I’m tired from the drive and my mind is muddled with made-up scenarios that send me into a spiral. I wonder if I can will some kind of tragedy into existence, something to take me out of my misery – a car accident, a gunshot from a robbery gone bad, anything. It would be so easy to lie down on the nearest train tracks and wait it out or take a flying leap off of the top floor of a parking garage, but in the end, I’m too much of a coward to do it myself.

I don’t hesitate to go inside the store and buy the liquor. I park in an empty lot; the fact that it’s in walking distance of Josh’s favorite bar may or may not have been intentional. I don’t have any second thoughts before I crack open the first bottle.

The more I drink, the more my fear and sorrow turn to hate. I’m angry. I’m angry with myself for not having the strength to control my urges. I’m angry with Josh… for what? For having a social life? For wanting to spend time with his brothers at a place I can’t go? That’s stupid. He’s not a child. But I need him more than I’ve ever needed anyone. We’ve been apart so much recently. Maybe he just needs a reminder of who I belong to, who he belongs to.

I can’t find my keys; I probably dropped them between the seats. It’s for the best, really. The liquor has fogged my brain and made me clumsy, but at least I can stay upright. I barely stumble down the sidewalk until I reach my destination. The doorman eyes me warily, but one of the benefits of being a raging alcoholic is you get better at hiding it.

It doesn’t take me long to spot Jake, Sam, and Danny at a table inside. But where’s Josh? I scan the dimly lit room until I find him. He’s leaning up against the bar talking to someone I don’t recognize. He laughs at whatever the man says to him, his cheek red – from alcohol or is he blushing? The man leans in, too close for my comfort, and touches Josh’s shoulder. Heat rises up in me and my skin is tingling. My vision tunnels until Josh is the only thing I can see.

I rush towards him, miraculously without bumping into too many innocent bystanders, and force myself between him and the unsuspecting stranger. The man takes a step back and shoots Josh a concerned look.

“Finn, what the hell are you doing here?” His eyes are wide and panicked, like he just got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

“You first,” I spit, my tone venomous.

“What are you even… shit, you’re drunk.” He lets out a frustrated sigh. “Jesus Christ, c’mon.”

I glare at the stranger once more before Josh drags me outside. Jake seems to have noticed and is hot on our tails. “Josh, you okay?” Jake doesn’t trust me, and he doesn’t make any attempt to hide it. He hasn’t been fond of me since day one. His presence and desire to be in Josh’s business fuels the fire, and I’m about to start in on him, but Josh is here to play peacekeeper.

“We’re good. Can you just, uh, give us a minute?”

I know the last thing Jake wants to do is leave his twin out here alone with me. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t feel safe with me either. But at Josh’s pleading eyes, he relents, reluctantly retreating inside.

Josh turns to me, chewing on his bottom lip. Much like someone trying to calm a frightened animal, he approaches me slowly and carefully, his voice low. “Finn, baby, let me take you home.”

“Why, so you can come back here to that asshole?”

“What? Who are you talking about?”

“You know who I’m fuckin’ talking about. Were you gonna take him home? Were you gonna fuck him?” His feigned cluelessness is just fanning the flames. “Would he have been in your bed tonight if I didn’t come back early?”

“No, I wasn’t… the guy I was talking to in there? He’s just a friend, Finn. I wouldn’t-“

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” I close the distance between us. I’m so close and so much taller than him that he cranes his neck to maintain eye contact. He’s annoyed, tiptoeing into angry. He’s upset that I’m making these accusations. He pities me for being broken. But he isn’t afraid, and he very much should be.

The thing about alcoholism, in most cases, is that it brings out the worst in people. They do things they would never do sober. They hurt people in ways they would never think to do if they weren’t under the influence. They lose all sense of impulse control. The only thing that matters is what they’re feeling in those moments, the urges to act out on whatever terrible thoughts they’re having at the time. For me, it’s like I’m watching it happen to someone else. My self-awareness is clouded and I feel almost as if I’m just an observer, watching someone that looks oddly similar to me make the biggest mistakes of his life.

I expect a fiery argument from him, but if he’s mad, he pushes it down. “You don’t mean that. You’re drunk. You wouldn’t be saying these things if you weren’t.” He’s trying to diffuse a bomb and he’s about to cut the wrong wire. “Please, baby, let’s go home. You can sleep it off and we can talk in the morning.” His hands move to my face, and he looks up at me tearfully.

He thinks he can calm me down with his sweetness, sprinkle me with soft gestures to quell my anger. But it’s a façade. I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to manipulate it, to make me think I’m delusional, that I imagined everything. He’ll blame it on the alcohol in me instead of just admitting that he was the one acting like a whore.

I wrench away from his hands and my own come up. They meet his chest, and I shove him away so violently that he slams into the brick wall behind him with an audible thud. I hear him cry out, but it doesn’t register in my mind what I’ve done until I see blood. Blood? Wait, why is there blood?

“Josh, fuck, are you okay?” I try to go to him, but he sidesteps me.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” He’s got his hand pressed tightly on the back of his upper left arm. There’s blood seeping between his fingers and down his arm, staining his clothes. I notice something I didn’t see at first – a small piece of metal rebar that’s sticking out from the wall and is now coated in Josh’s blood.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” The remorse I’m feeling isn’t false, and I don’t have to force the tears that are threatening to spill from my eyes. What have I done? I never meant for this to happen, for him to get hurt like this. “Please, let me see it. Let me help.” I try to go to him again, but he doesn’t want me near him.

“Get the fuck away from me!” His words sting, and the look in his eyes tells me he means it.

I’m frozen as I try to figure out what to do, and I watch him try to control the bleeding on his own. He can’t really see the wound, but he knows it’s bad. “Josh, you need to go to the hospital,” I say, keeping my voice down.

“No fucking shit, Sherlock.” He looks toward the entrance to the bar, probably considering going in to get Jake. But he glances back at me and something flashes across his face that I can’t explain. Worry? He starts to speak again but decides against it, before walking in the opposite direction. He’s not really going to drive himself there? I offer to take him but he shuts me down. “Like I would let you drive me anywhere right now. Actually,” he starts, turning to me. “Give me your keys.”

I shrug. “I don’t know where they are.” Is he asking because he’s actually still concerned about me, or because he’s trying to prevent me from driving off and fucking up someone else’s life?

He huffs. “Whatever. Go home,” he orders. He’s livid, and rightly so, but there’s something else painted across his face – pain, betrayal, and sadness.

I think I’m going to vomit. My legs are numb; I’m unable to move them and I can do nothing as he walks away from me.

~

I should have left. I shouldn’t have found my keys and gotten back behind the wheel. I shouldn’t have driven to Josh’s house, still drunk. I shouldn’t have let myself in with the spare hidden key. I shouldn’t have decided to wait for him, to try to salvage what’s left of a relationship I know is already in tatters.

It’s probably three or four hours before I hear the lock click on the front door. I watch him as he enters and shuts the door behind him. He doesn’t seem surprised to see me, but he makes no move to come any closer.

“I told you to go home.” He won’t meet my eyes and he looks so drained of energy. His left arm is wrapped up with white bandages, midway between his elbow and shoulder. He’s got a bag in his hand that looks like prescription medication and his bloodstained jacket draped over his arm.

“You are my home.” It’s the first thing that comes to mind and it’s pathetic, but it’s the truth. At least, it feels like it. “Are you okay?”

He scoffs. “I have five stitches and had to get a tetanus shot.” He holds the medicine bag up. “And antibiotics for ten days so it doesn’t get infected.”

“Josh, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to… for you to get hurt.”

He tosses the medicine on the coffee table and sighs as he drops onto the couch. He sits as far from me as he can. “Finn… I want to help you, but if… if it’s gonna be like this… I don’t know if I want you here with me right now.”

“It’s not, I promise. I just got carried away. I wasn’t thinking. You know I would never hurt you on purpose. I’ll be more careful. It won’t happen again.”

His jaw tenses and I can see he’s thinking about what to say, what kind of decision he’s going to make. He’s dejected, like he doesn’t have any fight left in him. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. But he doesn’t trust me. And if he doesn’t trust me, he won’t forgive me. Time to pull out all the stops.

I’m not faking it, not really. I do feel remorseful for what I did, and I’ll admit that I’m the one that messed up. Alcohol makes me paranoid, and now that I’m sobering up, I realize that Josh didn’t do anything wrong. It isn’t his fault that he’s too weak to tell people no. If anything, I should have taken it out on the asshole that had the audacity to touch him. But I am ashamed of how I acted, and I need to make him understand that. And if that requires me to beg, I’ll do it.

I give in and let the tears flow freely; it helps feed the pity I’m trying to draw from him. I know I’m just being selfish. I’m doing this for me, despite knowing this is not what he really needs. What he should do is put as much distance as he can between us. I’m not confident that I can keep him safe. But I’ve already started the game, and I have to finish it.

When I grab his hand, he makes a small effort to pull away, but I tighten my grip. Don’t let go. “Baby, please don’t push me away. I made a mistake, but you’re the one who said it was okay to make mistakes, right? I’m trying, Josh, I really am. I’m trying to be better, but I can’t do it alone. I need you.” That’s it. That’s the icing on the cake. That’s how I get to him. Josh is a lover, it’s in his blood. He loves being needed, getting the opportunity to help people, and he won’t say no. “If you shut me out now… I don’t have anyone else. You’re it for me. I can’t do this without you.”

He's fighting with himself, I can see it in his eyes, but I can also see that I’ve won. He still loves me, and he won’t just walk away from that. Even better, if he thinks he can fix me, he’s going to try, even if he takes all the damage in the process.

“What do you need me to do?”

I don’t have a real answer for him. He knows I won’t go to rehab – it’s too similar to a hospital. The AA meetings only do so much. Plus, I’m getting to the point where it annoys me, sitting there listening to all those idiots and their fucking sob stories. I don’t give a shit about them. I never did. Then they start bringing ‘God’ and ‘faith’ into it, and I realize they’re all just sheep, blindly following a fictional idea of God – or maybe just a god that doesn’t care about them either.

Josh’s big brown eyes are watching me closely, maybe trying to decide if he’s the one making the mistake. I certainly won’t be the one to tell him he definitely is.

I beg for him to just let me stay with him, and he concedes. I try to be gentle with him; I don’t think he can handle anymore heaviness tonight. I make him eat so he can start his antibiotics, and I’m extra careful of his arm as we lie down. Again, I don’t really sleep, but he crashes hard, the day finally catching up to him. And I do something that I know is another mistake, something that is guaranteed to cause problems later, but I justify it as my way of protecting him.

When I’m sure he’s fast asleep, I unlock his phone, download one of the many tracking apps that are freely available, and link it to my phone. I disable all notifications and hide the icon in some folder I know he never uses, one of those where you keep all the software apps you can’t delete.

There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s wrong. It’s disrespectful, a violation of privacy, an act that solidifies how much I don’t trust him. It’s controlling, manipulative, and just overall creepy. I would have been livid if he had done it to me. But the deed is done, and I’ll tell myself whatever I need to, to not feel guilty for this. I’m doing it for him. I’m doing it for his safety, to keep him out of trouble when I’m not here. He needs someone to do it, and who better than someone that loves him? He needs me, and I’d do anything for him.

///

TAGLIST (let me know if you want to be added!)

@hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389 @hailthegodsong @josh-iamyour-mama @katuschka @lilbitx

[thinkpink212]

A life update

The summer started out with lots of rain, a new job at a museum where I get to work with crystals, cool books, butterflies and just an overall gorgeous environment. I quit from my massage job after they played one too many times in my face — long story short, I was being overworked despite protest, had immature colleagues with conflict resolution issues, incompetent employers and just not enough pay. Gave up for a while on the idea of opening up my own massage place due to how expensive it can be to rent a place. Eventually my birthday came around, tears were she’d, laughs were had. Managed to read 14+ books at this point (on book 17 now) and a week later my roommate tells me she’s convinced her boyfriend to move in, so I have to move out. No thoughts were put towards me so I have till end of august to be out, which broke me but after a good cry and some slandering to friends and family, I’ve calmed down and am actively searching for a new home. I realized I’d asked the universe for a new place to live after realizing just how dirty, inconsiderate and just overly unpleasant it was to live with this girl, to show me a new way, bring me a new home. So, looking at it all with newfound optimistic eyes. It’s still unsettling and nerves wrecking, I have moved 13 times now and you can imagine a girl is tired. But no more shitty roommates, no more unfortunate situation. I will find my home soon. With dreams of finding my own place, studying next year (Fall start) and writing a book, I have loads on my plate. Being busy feels nice but I’m still working on tweaking the perfect schedule for myself so I can do it all. I was ready to give up on opening my own studio, but after announcing to my #1 loyal costumer it was my second to last week, he offered helping me with guidance, website, taxes etc setups as he’s a seasoned entrepreneur (and has helped many). His enthusiasm and encouragement relit that fire and I thought ‘yeah, why not have it all?’

By the end of 2024, I will be a business owner (part time), have my own apartment, have finished my 1st draft and glowed up to levels beyond my imagination. And next year, I’ll have finished my book and started on the sequel, been accepted into University, have a booming business and continue to thrive! never give up never what, NEVER BACK DOWN! hope you’re all doing well, hope this was a bit of a motivator. Life will have its upset and downs, so please don’t give up. Step away and take everything in shorter strides. You can and will have it all, if that’s what you desire.

Xo Thinkpink

[moo-siala]

ᝰ MOO-SIALA’S PROMPT LIST ᝰ

꒦꒷ NOTE: some of these prompts are mine and some of them are not so credit goes to their respective owners. your requests can have as many prompts as you want or none at all. if you come up with another idea of your own, i really don’t mind. these prompts are here for some inspo in case you need it. i’ll try to update the prompt list as much as i can, so keep an eye on it

— FLUFF

1. "it's alright... it's okay... i'm here now. i've got you."

2. “you are my everything.”

3. “i’ve always loved you, and i pretend to keep doing it until our last day on earth.”

4. “i just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

5. “is that my hoodie?” “keep it.”

6. “you can hold my hand, if you want.”

7. “honey i’m home!”

8. “stop it with the puppy eyes, they won’t work this time.” “you sure?” “stop manipulating me.”

9. “how about a kiss before i go?”

10. “seeing you happy is all that matters.”

11. “you feel like home to me.”

12. “what, am i not allowed to look at you?”

13. “you’re so dumb.” “you love me.”

14. “i’ll be damned if i don’t make you smile at least once today.”

15. “how did you even get sick? you look ugly. come here.”

16. “what do you need?” “kisses, cuddles, and a back massage.”

17. “you’re mine.”

18. “i’m yours.”

19. “you did all of this for me?”

20. “what are you doing?” “getting comfortable?”

21. “you’re my everything.”

22. “you’re staring.” “i’m admiring you.”

23. “by the way...” “hm?” “i’m gonna kiss you now. if you don't want to, just punch me.”

24. “give me a chance.” “a chance for what?” “a chance to prove you that I can make you happy.”

25. “i freaking love you!” “...you’re drunk.” “i knoooow!”

26. "please shut up so i can kiss you."

— ANGST

1. “i trusted you.”

2. “it was never my intention to hurt you.” “but you did.”

3. “i still got love for you.”

4. “please.. don’t lie to me.”

5. “if you won’t change... then i can’t stay. i’m sorry.”

6. “don’t start a fight you won’t win.”

7. “you’ve changed.”

8. “please go away.”

9. “i know i have a heart because i can feel it breaking.”

10. “don’t go on that date.” “why?” “you know why.” “say it.”

11. “you didn’t just break promises, you broke me.”

12. “that’s not what i meant and you know it.”

13. " 'till death do us part, huh?"

14. "do you ever think about anyone other than yourself?"

15. "all i’ve ever wanted is for you to see me, but i’m not like them."

16. “you don’t have to hide your tears for me.”

17. “tell me what’s going on.” “i don’t feel good.”

18. “you deserve better than me.”

19. “i miss you.”

20. “i never wanted that divorce.”

21. “i will always take care of you no matter what.”

22. “no matter what they made you think, you are worth loving."

23. “seeing you like this and not being able to help – it breaks my heart.”

— RANDOM

1. “sleep is for the weak.”

2. “did it hurt?” “what? when i fell from heaven?” “no… when you hit your head with the door.”

3. “do not do that again” “or what?”

4. “YOU DID WHAT?!”

5. “come over here and make me.”

6. “fight me” “i’m not going to fight you.”

7. “just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”

8. “you were put on this earth to give me a headache.” “and you were put on this earth to make me horny.”

9. “one of us is clearly smarter than the other.”

10. “did i stutter?”

11. “what would you do without me?” “live in peace?”

12. “you sent me a nude.” “accidentally.” “how is that even possible?”

13. “you make me want to rip my hair off.” “nice. what about your clothes?”

14. “why are you following me?” “i need attention.”

15. “i’m not your friend, i’m your boyfriend. get it right.”

16. “go away.” “then let go of me you idiot.” “you’re rude.”

17. “can i-“ “no.”

18. “stop poking me!” “then give me attention!”

19. “can i wear your race suit?” “it’s too big for you.”

20. “shut up.” “don’t tell me what to do.”

21. “stop calling me a bitch, bitch.”

22. “get off me.” “you’re literally on top of me.”

23. "Friends don't look at each other the way you two do."

24. "I didn't do it." "Then why are you laughing?" "Because whoever did is a genius."

25. "You're burning up."

— NSFW / SMUT

1. “if we weren’t in public right now i’d have my head between your legs.”

2. “this feels dirty” “that's because it is”

3. “bend over.”

4. “im going to fuck you until you forget that assholes name.”

5. “i can’t hear you.”

6. “fuck you.” - “when?”

7. “do you need help with that?”

8. “i don’t care what you do just fuck me.”

9. “touch yourself for me.”

10. “everything off. right now.”

11. “i love it when you moan my name.”

12. “no panties?”

13. “i want you right now.”

14. “can you feel what your doing to me?”

15. “don’t be gentle.”

16. “be a good girl and spread your legs.”

17. “we’re.... just friends.”

18. “i forgot my towel.”

19. “you won’t be getting any sleep tonight.”

20. “don’t pretend to be so innocent.”

21. “oh don’t mind me I’m just enjoying the view.”

22. “you’re naked aren’t you.”

[kiki-shortsnout]

Thanks for the tag @magicaltear Sorry it took me so long to respond! 😊😊

How many works do you have on AO3?

Too many,🤣 seventy-nine at the moment, but it’ll be eighty soon, once I finish this new mammoth story!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,127,841, holy hell!🤯

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, Marvel, although I am starting to slide into the Star Trek fandom, late as always. I’m working on a long retelling of the Wrath of Khan fic from a Spirk perspective.  I did use to write for Final Fantasy XV a while back, and I’d like to revisit that someday. I’m also eyeing up the My Hero Academia fandom and Yuri On Ice.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

OO, interesting question, for some reason I just cracked my knuckles in excitement.🤣

Stringless – 2,044

Betwixt – 2,023

Obstacles and Opportunities -1,523

Counterfeit Boyfriend – 1,368

Ternion- 1,299

You know what, I’m really surprised by number four if I’m honest. I was always under the impression that one hadn’t done very well, as usually the fics people talk to me about are Stringless, Betwixt and Love, Dreams and Coffee Machines. It’s a pleasant surprise, but I’m a little shocked!

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, I try to respond to them all, sometimes things get in the way, and I forget, but I’ll always respond, it might just take a while! But I do appreciate all of them and the kudos, and occasional screams in my Tumblr inbox. It really does act as a motivation for more stories!💞

6.What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh, this one is easy. It’s Without You, it’s the only really sad story I’ve written. I mean, I love putting angst in my writing, but this is the one where Tony was dealing with his grief of losing Stephen, and he doesn’t get him back.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think all my fics have happy endings if I’m honest.💞

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes, unfortunately, they tend to range from: Why are you writing about this couple? Why aren’t you writing about the couple you just did? I don’t like reading about this pairing. I’ve recently had a few saying my writing is awful, or my take on a story is awful.

I think that’s the risk you take with posting things online, which is saddening as I don’t think people always appreciate how much work, effort, time goes into any creation, be that art, fics, or mood boards. I’ll be honest, it can drag you down at times, and it has made me want to quit a few times, but the fandoms I’m in are incredibly supportive and welcoming, so I try not to let the few bad comments overwhelm the positive ones I have.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I think most of my fics have smut in, unless they’re the small prompt pieces I worked on, and I write all kinds, to enhance the plot, without a plot, multiple partners, solo self love.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven’t no, but I I do have a request sitting in my inbox for a IronStrange/ Star Trek crossover which I really want to work on!

11.Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Back before my AO3 days yes, and when I confronted the writer about it they were very apologetic and took it down. I’ve had people take my stories and post them on Goodreads and I’ve had to fight with them several times to take down

12. Does not exist apparently

I’m not even 100% I exist if I’m honest.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven’t, I’ve worked with artists on stories before and that’s been incredibly fun.

14.What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I’ve had loads, but the one I’ve written for the most is IronStrange, although I enjoy writing for FrostIronStrange more.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I actually have a half-written JohnLock one sitting on my laptop, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get back to it. I love the idea and I love writing it, but I don’t know if I can get their voices quite right and I keep losing faith in it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’ve always been told it's my characterisations and emotive writing, which are huge compliments.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I would say it’s writing action/fighting scenes, I always leave a place card saying ‘Write fight scene here’ and go back to it at the end. I just…find writing them tedious and I don’t think I always get the movement right, or the stakes, if that makes sense?

I struggle with pacing too sometimes….like I want to get to the good bits of the story and skim over the other bits.

18.Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

The only other language I know is French from what they taught at school, and unless you want me to write a story where I need to order stationery and tell you where the library is, it’d better if I just stuck with English.😂😂

If I did need dialogue in another language, I’d reach out to an author who I knew could speak the language.

19.First fandom you wrote for?

Beyblade, way back in the olden days…..or actually, maybe it was Lord of The Rings?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I’ll always have a soft spot for Stringless because it was the first IronStrange I’d ever written and I was so nervous about writing for Marvel and posting it, and Ternion because again, I’d never written a poly couple and I was really anxious about writing Loki.

But the fic I enjoyed writing the most was Betwixt. I was devastated when I finished writing that because I’d poured my soul into it. I wrote it on pieces of scrap paper during meetings, I stayed up late working on it, and I got up early to write it. I always enjoy the stories I work on, but that one holds a special place in my heart.

I’m desperate to write a sequel for it.

Tagging @the-elle-kat @atypical-snowman @jeromesankara @xoniarainforest and anyone else who wants to play!

[sochilll]

nyehehe i caught up on ur writing tag Just as you recently reblogged a prompt thingy >:] 13 + kleinsen ?

Kleinsen + 13. leaving notes for them around the home (this one… got away from me. she’s long)

Send a ship and a prompt request!

Jared woke up and flung his arm out sideways. The bed was empty. He frowned. It was Sunday, Evan’s day off. And more importantly, it was the day before a very big important event.

Jared sat up and swung his legs out of bed. It was surprisingly cold for how late in spring it was. He grabbed Evan’s hoodie from the floor and pulled it on.

He started toward the kitchen but his eyes caught on something. A pink sticky note was stuck to the bedroom door. Jared peeled it off and read it.

I have a few last errands to run before tomorrow. I’ll be home soon <3

Jared smiled. He stuck the note in his pocket and made his way to the bathroom before breakfast. There was another note on the mirror.

Wow you’re cute :o someone is very lucky to be with you

Jared snorted. He put that note in his pocket with the other. There were three notes in the kitchen.

One on the fridge:

Sorry to disappear on such an important morning. I know you’ll be annoyed you didn’t get to make a “last time we wake up together as boyfriends” joke

Jared snickered. He had been making that joke about everything lately. The next note was on the coffee maker:

Don’t drink too much or you’ll get all jittery. We don’t both need to be nervous wrecks today.

The last one was stuck to Jared’s favorite coffee mug:

I’m so glad I get to spend every morning watching you drink out of this dumb mug for the rest of my life. I love you.

Jared put all three notes in his pocket. He leaned against the counter to wait for his coffee to brew when he spotted a box on the table. Inside was his favorite type of donut, a note scrawled on the lid.

Happy wedding eve! Love you more than anything <3

Jared enjoyed his breakfast. He texted Evan a picture of the box and a bunch of heart emojis. Evan’s response was quick.

:) how many?

Jared tapped out a reply.

Five not counting the box.

Halfway! :) <3

Jared laughed. He set his mug in the sink and wandered to the living room, looking for spots of pink.

The first one was obvious, stuck in the center of the TV.

I know I say it a lot but I really don’t know what I’d do without you. You make everything easier and better and funnier.

He had to hunt a bit for the next one. He found it stuck to their favorite DVD.

I never thought I’d feel so content and secure in a relationship. But I am. I know you don’t like talking about feelings and I don’t even mind. Cause I know how you feel even when you won’t say it.

Jared was stumped after that. He wandered around the apartment, sticky notes stuck to his fingers, hunting for more. He double checked the bathroom and the living room.

He finally found number eight back in the bedroom, sitting right on Jared’s desk.

The last four years have genuinely been the happiest of my life. And while some of that is due to therapy (shout out Dr. Myers) mostly it’s been because of you.

Number nine was inside Jared’s laptop.

No one has ever understood or cared for me more than you. And I hope you feel the same about me. (Please do oh my god how embarrassing would this be if you didn’t?)

Jared laughed. He added the note to the collection in his pocket. He searched the room again before moving his search into the hallway closet. Nothing there. He checked the bathroom and kitchen again.

No note. Jared frowned. He checked tall surfaces. He checked every kitchen cabinet. He even lifted up the couch cushions. Nothing.

He pulled his phone out.

You’re a liar. There’s only nine.

Nope. Ten.

Including the donut box?

No. Ten sticky notes.

Where the fuck is the last one???

:)

Jared went crazy, pulling out pots and pans, unscrewing bottles in the medicine cabinet, digging through the laundry hamper. He could not find the last note. He briefly wondered if Evan was lying and this was some sort of psychological warfare.

Finally, digging through Evan’s sock drawer he saw it, a flash of pink. He grabbed at it. It was stuck to the top of a small velvet box. Jared didn’t need to open it to know what it was. He frowned slightly and read the note.

I never told you but I’d been to a jewelry shop five times before you proposed. You only beat me because I take too long to make decisions. I love how you did it but I’d picked this ring out already and I thought you should have it anyway.

Jared felt his eyes sting and rapidly blinked the tears away because he wasn’t lame. He opened the box.

The ring was pretty similar to what Jared had ended up getting. A bit thinner and without Jared’s super romantic and expensive engraving like Evan’s ring had. But still nice.

“You like it?”

“Holy fucking shit!” Jared spun around, clutching his chest. “How did you get in so quietly? And how did you time this so perfectly?”

“I didn’t actually. I really thought it would take you longer to find it and I’d already be home by then,” Evan laughed. “Also didn’t think you’d tear the apartment apart.”

“You gave me a puzzle,” Jared said by way of explanation.

“Yeah. I should’ve known better.”

“I do like it.” Jared slid the ring into his finger. “You have good taste.”

“Yeah. Sometimes,” Evan said, crossing the room and kissing him.

“Aw,” Jared grinned. “Last time you’ll be able to insult me as my boyfriend.”

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

who's your fave BSD character and why?

what's your fave work of fiction?

Oppenheimer or Barbie?

Do you write OG stories too?

In your fanfictions, would you rather write fluff or angst?

do you have a best friend?

when writing, do you focus on plot first or characters first?

also how do you do such good analyses on characters with barely any screentime JFIRGR is that like a psych major thing? hehe anyways..

laast question: do you have a pet? TT and what's one problem (external or internal) that you want to fix in your life?

(lmao those are two last questions but uhm, yeah.)

(sorry for the rambles, im just bored and rlly curious TT)

Oh hello! It’s cool I don’t mind!

Favourite BSD character: This is really tricky because every time I think I have a favourite I remember something really cool about another character… I don’t think there’s a single character who I don’t find interesting. In terms of writing I really like Kyouka, Mushitarou, and Akutagawa. Atsushi I would actually hang out with and I am prepared to defend as an excellent protagonist. I also really like Yosano, Chuuya, Teruko, Ranpo, and Odasaku! Also my extremely overlooked fave is H. G. Wells from 55 Minutes… I love her so much she’s so cool…

Favourite work of fiction: Hmm… you know I’m honestly not sure I could pick a favourite. I’ve read a lot of stuff and watched a lot of things… however for the purposes of this blog I have been overrun by Trigun emotions and Hatoful Boyfriend had a death grip on me for most of high school.

Barbenheimer: Probably I’ll go see Barbie at some point. I actually don’t watch a lot of movies but this one seems pretty cool!

Do you write OG stories: Ohh how do I answer this…? Yes 100%. I have so many original plots in my head, and I have tried to write them several times. I have one ongoing right now on my side blog called The Capture of Light… I’ve been very slow to update but it’s there. My oldest story that I’ve been working on is a series called the Interworld… I’ve been working on it and revising it since I was 13. I worry it’s too needlessly convoluted though. The problem is that I’m never satisfied so I keep scrapping and restarting it… so can I really say I write them? :/

Fluff or angst: Angst all the way. I like to write suffering, but I generally will write in a bittersweet hopeful ending. :) Depends on what’s tonally appropriate though.

Best friend: Yes I do have a best friend! I’ve known her for 9 years now. She’s actually on here; her account is @doodle-storm. She doesn’t update a lot but I’m sure she’d appreciate it if you checked out her art or said hi. :)

Plot or characters first: I make a rough plot outline with key points I have to get to, then I make detailed character notes and designs. The way I see it, the best way to make sure your plot stays cohesive is to make sure you know your character’s motives at all times. That way, even if the plot winds up changing a bit, I still have a good idea of how the characters will react, no matter what situation I put them into. If I can transplant them into any random scene or situation and know how they’ll respond, I feel comfortable that I know them well enough to write.

Analyses: Hahaha, honestly the psych knowledge helps but… I think that might just be me. I’ve kind of always done stuff like this it’s just now I have people who actually read it instead of telling me to shut up ehehe. I think the key is to isolate the main themes of the story. A good story will have its characters all model or echo these themes in some way. From there, it’s a lot easier to read character motivations, even if they don’t have a lot of screen time. Another important thing to remember is “explanation not justification”. You should be able to explain the motive behind a character’s actions. This does not mean they’re justified. This really helps with analyzing villains or morally grey characters. It also helps you to understand people in real life!

Pets: None unfortunately. 😞 If I weren’t allergic to cats I would have a cat though. I love cats. They also tend to headbutt my legs a lot so I think they tend to like me too. I have to resist the urge to pet them every time. …I fail. Every time. I go home and sneeze for two hours with itchy eyes. It was worth it.

Problem I wish I could fix in my life: Well I have some mental health problems so I guess I wish I could. Not have those. Yeah. I’m looking for support about it. I’m trying. Hehe.

This was fun! Thank you! Can I shoot some of these questions back at you? I’d love to hear your answers! :D

[spellbook-gayboy]

Ooh action 28 paired with dialogue 13

okie dokie!

28 + 13.

“Yeah, yeah, in a minute, love,” Ian said, not even looking back as he sat hunched over, scribbling ink onto the old yellowing pages of the spell book. “Just gotta make sure this is right before I put it away...!”

“Ian...” Paul called. 

“Yeah, I know, just lemme-!”

“Ian.”

Ian stopped at the word. He slowly turned his head to look behind the collar of his cloak, spying the less than pleased look on his boyfriend’s face. “Ah... you planned something, didn’t you?”

“That I did.” Paul confirmed, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow as he tapped his foot on the floor. “So, d’you wanna stay in here and keep scribbling who-knows-what in that book while you reek like a dead cat,” He asked, “Or do you wanna shower for probably the first time this week, and join me on the couch in clothes that are actually clean?”

Ian blinked. His gaze flitted between his partner and the book. “Well... now that I think about it, the book can wait a day or two?”

“If you think so, honey.”

---

Ian scratched his neck, pulling at the hem of his beaten green tee. The Séance Dog logo had largely faded off the front of it from being washed so many times, only a few flecks of paint left. His lounge pants were partially eaten by moths, littered with holes around the waist and ankles that often joined together to expose the clothes’ insides or, more commonly, his bare legs. Most of these clothes had been around for at least three or four years, fished out of a clothing bin in Singapore or stolen from someone’s washing lines.  

“You ready, Ian?” He heard from downstairs. He checked his hair (not quite as messy as it usually was) before trudging down the polished spruce steps, his slippers making muffled padding noises. 

Paul was currently draped across one half of the red leather couch, sitting in a pair of grey sweatpants and his old Sacramento Kings jersey. His fingers drummed on the top of the TV remote as he eyed his boyfriend’s entry into the room. “Have I ever told you how well you clean up?”

Ian scoffed. “Alright, I get it! I’ll try and shower more!” He replied, rubbing at his eyes as he sat down. “Spirits, how long have I been up?!”

“About three... no, four days straight.” Paul told him. He shifted, now draping himself over the wizard. “You might be the only magic-user who does what you do, but that doesn’t mean you have to work yourself to death trying to fix every problem that comes your way! You’re only human, Ian.”

“Well, half human.”

Paul’s frown made Ian realise that his joke could’ve had better timing. 

“...I know what you mean, love. It’s just that I... I’m still new at this, y’know? I’ve gotta show everyone that I can pull my weight!” Ian confessed, blinking through bloodshot eyes at the ceiling as his head lolled back. “This whole ‘mystic defender of Earth’ schtick is the first thing I’ve had that could actually be long-term for me. I wanna be, well, worthy of it!”

“Worthy?” Paul asked, surprised by his choice of words. “Ian, you’re already worthy of it about a hundred times over! Hell, you’ve been at this less than a year and you’ve already saved the world about half a dozen times at the very least! And if that doesn’t convince you, then...,” He got closer, his mouth close to Ian’s ear, “then know that you’re worthy to me!”

Ian paused. Then, a smile worked its way across his face. “Are you still wearing that old thing? Not complaining though, ‘specially with the view I get when you do!”

Paul looked confused for a moment, before he realised what the wizard was talking about. His basketball jersey had always been about three sizes too large for his torso, showing off his lean yet somewhat muscled body and arms. “Okay, you raging horndog, simmer down!” He ordered, lightly batting his boyfriend’s arm. “Besides, how am I gonna throw this away? An authentic Kings jersey signed by my first male crush, Darren Collinson? What are you, crazy?”

“Pfft, Darren Collinson, what’s so special about him?” Ian grumbled. “So what, he plays for the NBA? I could play for the NBA if I wanted!”

“I’m sure you could, Ian! Now quiet, I’m putting a movie on!”

[subliminal-daze]

A love letter to Taylor Swift

Crazy to think that the last time I saw Taylor swift was 12 years ago, when I was just 13 🥺

I remember my first impression of Taylor swift and honestly not liking her, thinking she was overhyped and way too girly. How could a girl with a guitar be so popular, anyways? Well, it didn’t take long for me to understand and become a swiftie myself.

Her music spoke to my soul and made me feel less alone during the strange era of adolescence. My bedroom walls were lined with Taylor swift posters, I dressed up as her for Halloween, I played her songs when I was learning how to play the drums, and when I had the pleasure of seeing her perform during the Speak Now tour, my love for her only grew. She was an amazing performer, and even though I was just one person in a giant stadium, it felt like she was shining just for me. Her voice, performance, and ability to connect with a stadium of fans was unlike anything I’ve seen before… she’s the real deal! I loved being in a room with so many other fans that admired her and connected with her music just as much as I did.

Pass forward to 2020, a truly awful year for so many reasons, and she dropped folklore. Then evermore. The person that guided me through my adolescence was now guiding me through a breakup and all the other stresses of being freshly out of college and trying to figure out my life during a pandemic. Her music supported me and once again made me feel less alone. I remember listening to “the one” with my college boyfriend that I just broke up with in our apartment that we were about to move out of and we cried together. Her music said everything I couldn’t. It was like she knew what I was going through, and had the uncanny ability of weaving it all together into poetic lyrics, catchy beats, and a cohesive album.

Then Midnights came out and her first song was titled “lavender haze.” If you know me at all, you know lavender is my absolute favorite color. Once again, it felt like Taylor swift was playing just for me. Like she knew my heart, and understood me more than I understood myself. Midnights was like the rain after a storm. A much needed dance party after the chaos of the last few years.

Tbh, the impact she’s had on my life goes farther than I’ll ever fully appreciate. Her talent, artistry, work ethic, integrity, and willingness to grow are things that I will always admire about her. And the fact that she has been an idol of mine (and so many others) for this long now is testament to the power of Taylor Swift.

Anyways, I wanted to put words to how much she means to me, because she means a lot. And I’m so goddamn excited to see her perform next week, but this time with my boyfriend and no parent chaperone. 😋

#swifty4lyfe #13

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 13: Scream 4

Today’s Scream: Scream 4. I really enjoyed this one. It felt less dated than Screams 2 or 3, and not just because it is more recent. I mean, it’s over 10 years old. It was more like Scream 1996—of its time, but not old looking. I enjoyed the 2010’s who’s-who of the female cast in particular, and the way it referenced/remade the original without seeming like either a copy or a paler version of the first. It kept enough of the meta-of-itself elements to be clearly of the universe, but wasn't as focused on the Hollywoodification of Sydney's story. We can marathon Stab, but we don't need to see it being made lol.

It felt at first that, as always, Dewey and Gale were basically running the show. They’ve been the most consistently enjoyable part of all the Screams for me—after the first, the filling-out-the-ensemble characters have been pretty forgettable and in Scream 3, Sydney’s role was pretty small. And in Scream 2 she was surrounded by all those Forgettables. Gale and Dewey have always been sort of off in their own story line, and that has been a consistently reliable, solid story. So I enjoyed them here, too. But when their story basically finished and the focus moved on to the new kids, I was pleasantly surprised by how well they kept it up.

Kirby was my favorite—I loved her Tatum BFF energy with some horror nerd but make it cool vibes sprinkled in—and I was sort of hoping she’d somehow be allowed to survive, even though I know that’s not how a slasher would normally work and Scream is very, by definition, aware of slashers would normally work. The two-Randies variation (I’m assuming an apology for killing Randy in Scream 2 lol) and the bland-boyfriend (in Billy’s role but without Billy’s charisma) fake out were both very solid.

And, look, no Ghostsface are ever going to be as good as Billy and Stu. No one’s going to match their psychotic energy. But I liked these killers more than any previous sequel killers. I already explained my issues with Ghostface 3, and Ghostsface 2… my issue with the college kid whose name I can’t remember is that his was a pretty lame twist on the meta angle, and I don’t even need to explain this because the movie itself included a second killer who said in as many words ‘how lame of him.’ And she was just a continuation of the last motive, a sort of Friday-the-13th homage twist. That’s fine. Whatever. To have killers going for the meta story, and tying it up with Sydney, but not to revenge themselves upon but for the main mastermind to take her place, be the hero and get the fame—I don’t need any ‘we all want to be insta-famous’ commentary or whatever but the core idea of it is very solid especially for a franchise that’s over 10 years old. The final girl is a fantasy. That’s the role that everyone envisions themselves in, that everyone is supposed to envision themselves in. The protagonist. Jill just puts that plan into motion. To mix that in with the girl-twist, pair her with the ‘Randy’ character, both to reference the non-ship of Randy/Sydney and the recurring if slight/subtle theme of monstrous/threatening men (I’ll kill you for not noticing me! Etc.), but ultimately give the self-proclaimed final girl the ultimate-killer role… that’s smart, that’s layered, to me. Emma Roberts was good casting, too, because she has the range of utter bitch to sweetest girl and she got to use it all.

I also enjoyed the smaller roles like the two cops, and new-Dewey Deputy Hicks (wear the vest, protect your chest!). I liked the Stabathon idea and scene a lot, and the fake-ending of it, with the real finale happening in the house; again, it’s just a good way to call back and alter the original, because the location is similar but the number of people much smaller. There were some really good shots, like Gale’s cameras at the party, or Ghostface in the wind chimes.

It was fun. It was fun and I’m excited to watch Scream V.

[the25thviolence]

Last update (01-13-23)

Its weird that as a writer I keep some stories to myself.  I’ve talked about little characters I’ve made up before.  Like the shadow character OC that would of existed in My Hero Academia universe.  I explained it generally but actually I day dreamed an extremely detailed story about that character (honestly its pretty fucking R rated so I’m never writing it down).  All my little day dreams have like detailed stories that play in my head.  

I don’t know.  I never got like big into writing fanfictions or AUs or whatever.  Surprisingly all my stories are original.  But I still day dream like fan content into my own brain. 

Like in the midst of my early morning about to wake up ease dropping on my brain.  I was having a dream, than a dream about a cosplayer realizing her boyfriends kink by dressing up as Maki Zenin from Jujutsu Kaisen, than another dream.  I woke up like “why the fuck was there 30 seconds of that in my brain while I was dreaming????”.

My brain just drifts away while I’m asleep or awake.  I could be sitting down or driving my fucking car.  I just drift into a fucking story in my brain.  I can’t like stop it from starting but I can pull myself out when I want to.  I can start them when I want to too but like most the time my brain is like “lol bored making up a 300 year history of a made up kingdom for the next 5 minutes”. 

And I’m just like....

Eyes squinting.....

“What the fuck....”

Honestly its probably why I’ve loved sports games so much since I was a kid till right now as I play a sports game while writing this.  I think of weird funny little stories about what’s happening in my game as I’m playing.  I play franchise/association modes so I’ll be playing a decade+ of a team’s lifespan creating little sports stories in my head.  

I remember one year I was tired of my players getting hit hard so I put in my big running back to “punish” teams all season to wear them down so my star players could get more room.  

I could try and write down all my little day dreams.  

But often I feel like I day dream so much because I don’t really experience my dreams.  And dreaming is supposed to help you deal with your like life problems and come to terms with things.  So when I day dream I’ll just be randomly trying to come to terms with my life.  

SCENARIOS

ALL THE GOD DAMN SCENARIOS. 

They just pop in my head. 

What would happen if this happened.

What if they showed up. 

What if this person disappeared.

What if I died.

What if my family had a real problem.

What if someone tried to rob me.

What if my car broke down.

What if there was a fire right now. 

What if I wrote a book.

And like these long drawn out storylines play out inside my head till I snap out of it. 

Like simple one.  What if I wrote a book.  Oh no no no.  Not just the book.  Not the simple shit.  My fucking brain imagines the what the book is about.  The publishing people I deal with.  The conversations I have with my family about it.  Random questions strangers ask me about the book.  EVEN FOLLOW UP WITH THE PUBLISHER ABOUT WRITING ANOTHER BOOK AND MY BRAIN STARTS TO BRAINSTORM WHAT THAT BOOK WOULD BE ABOUT.  I LIVE A LIFE.  I GET MARRIED.  I OWN A HOUSE.  I IMAGINE MYSELF SITTING A TABLE LIVING COMFORTABLY BECAUSE THE FIRST BOOK SOLD WELL. 

My brain just feeds me these scenes one after another.  

I know its kind of sad.  

But like.

I’d much rather dream like a normal person than have a brain that works this way.

I’d much rather not have the experiences I’ve had that turned me into a writer. 

I’d much rather dream normally, not write, and just see a therapist twice a month. 

I wonder what my life would be like with a normal brain.  

P.S

My brain started thinking up a story about how many people would miss this version of me but I stopped it by yelling “Shut the fuck up none of those people are here now so who fucking cares what they would think.”

[einsatzzz]

Thank you for tagging! 😆😆 My friend and I have 10-13 OCs that we dropped into KHR, but 3 of them (Kana, Kurumi and Yui) are the main ones so I’ll be filling these up based on them (3-in-1 package!).

General Questions:

1. What is their name? Their pronouns? Age? Gender identity? Sexuality?

🍎 A cold but resolute asocial.

Name: Kanako Ninomiya (nickname: Kana)

Pronouns: Any (if still confused, Kana will just tell you to use the same pronouns as Kurumi for convenience)

Age: 15

Gender identity: ?*

Sexuality: ?

🎀 A charming and outgoing fashionista.

Name: Kurumi Ninomiya

Pronouns: Any (may depend on clothing, She/Her for convenience)

Age: 14

Gender identity: ?*

Sexuality: ?

⛓️ An eccentric and "fun"-loving genius jokester

Name: Yui Yorimitsu

Pronouns: He/Him

Age: 15

Gender identity: Cis/Male

Sexuality: ? (Has had both girlfriends and boyfriends so--)

*Their gender identity would be last thing you'll have to think about when they're coming after you, sharp weapons in hand---

2. Are they somehow related to another khr character? In what way?

Nope, they’re not related to any KHR character. They belong to a separate faction, a yakuza group called Oniyanagi, which is in a special alliance with Vongola (similar to Cavallone). The twins are co-heirs as the 10th Gen Oniyanagi boss, while Yui is their right-hand man.

3. What does your oc look like? Do you have any art of them?

Oh I have so many! Though, I already put their pictures on Question 1 🤣 but here are my most recent drawings of the twins! (Yui’s is still a WIP rn)

4. What are their relationships to other khr characters? Pairings you like with your oc? Adopted siblings and parents maybe? 

For context, the premise is that these three transferred into Namimori Middle School, shortly after Gokudera’s introduction. They’re meant to help Tsuna with his training as the next boss, but Reborn also treats them as students to be tutored as well.

🍎 Kana: Generally distant to the main KHR friend group and likewise, they’re distant to her as well, since they don’t know how to approach her (except maybe, Yamamoto). Lambo hates her and calls her “Evil Hag(Oni baba)”. She is very respectful to Reborn, though. For certain reasons that ended up with him getting beaten up by Kurumi, Tsuna is very scared of Kana. She’s not sociable but she also recognizes the importance of authority, so she speedran into becoming class rep soon after getting transferred in and next aimed for the Disciplinary Committee. After a certain incident, she ended up in Hibari’s hit-list/fight-on-sight list.

🎀 Kurumi: Contrary to Kana, she gets along well with the main KHR friend group, especially Kyoko, Haru and Yamamoto. Lambo especially loves her because she keeps on spoiling him and he calls her Rumi-nee too. Additionally, Adult Lambo has a puppy crush on her, for some reason. Tsuna is afraid of her at first, but they quickly become good friends. She even helps him out on getting relationship progress with Kyoko. Of course, it backfires, and there’s zero progress in the end. But did Kurumi have fun? Yes, absolutely! Don’t ask whether Tsuna had fun though.

⛓️ Yui: His relationship with the main KHR friend group is somewhere between Kana and Kurumi’s, not too close but not too distant. As fellow right-hand men and academic achievers, Gokudera has an ongoing beef with him, though it’s mostly one-sided because Yui is too laidback to take him seriously. He has also taken a liking to Lambo and would claim to wanting to turn him into a “mini-me”. Yui is also fond of I-pin and would lowkey treat her like a little sister. Tsuna has mixed feelings for him, but they generally get along.

5. Actually what's the family situation of your oc? Do they have siblings that's a background character perhaps? 

Kana and Kurumi’s parents are very loving and caring. Their father is the 9th Gen Boss (Kenzaburou) while their mother is the 9th Gen Mist Guardian (Kiyoko). They love to dote on the twins very much and would cover up for them a lot in case they cause trouble. On the surface, a very observant person may notice certain inconsistencies and missing details in the twin’s background information, but it would be wiser not to delve deeper. The only consistent truth is that Kana and Kurumi are connected by a messy tangled threads of fate.

Yui’s family situation is complicated, as he had to grow up under so much pressure and expectation from his parents. Additionally, his father is the 9th Gen Boss’ right-hand man. Currently, he barely lives with his parents at all and prefers to live in the main Oniyanagi estate with Kana and Kurumi. At this point, the twin’s parents treat him like their son. Whenever his parents come over to visit, he camps outside in the forest.

6. Does your oc have a mental illness? Neurodivergencies? Other disabilities? At what age did they get these disabilities if they weren't born with them?

Yes, they have mental illnesses. *checks backstories* We kinda, made sure of that. Though, I won’t be going into detail on them for now or the info-dump would be very long (lol).

7. If they had a super power what would it be? 

🍎 Kana: Shadow manipulation/Talent for Assassination

🎀 Kurumi: Superhuman strength/Can summon large amounts of Dying Will Flames from a young age

⛓️ Yui: None, but I guess being a mechanical genius counts. He has also become very durable with high evasion skills after spending time with the twins. You can imagine why.

8. Free Space!

Yui, Kana and Kurumi are practically platonic soulmates. That’s all, your honor.

Actually, the reason why the birb-related OCs stood out to me is because of their titles/aliases + animals we associate them with:

🍎 Kana: Night Crow Princess (夜烏姫君, Yogarasu himegimi)

🎀 Kurumi: Golden Eagle Princess (狗鷲姫君, Inuwashi himegimi)

⛓️ Yui: Intelligent Stone Monkey (霊明石猴 Reimei Shaku Kou)

I also made videos for them!

All 10th Generation Guardians - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9fwY-EtnTE

Tomato Song ft. KHR Characters - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQWC9W2AMes

Quaso - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB7P-X7pFcQ

KHR Specific Questions

1. What's their flames? And how many flames do they have? One? More? None?

Will list one for now.

🍎 Kana: Sky Flame

🎀 Kurumi: Sky Flame

⛓️ Yui: Lightning Flame

2. How do they use their flames? If they have one.

🍎 Kana: Unable to use it right now, for certain reasons.

🎀 Kurumi: Infuses it into her weapon, a greatsword.

⛓️ Yui: Uses it along with his robots who assists him in battle.

3. If they don't have a flame, how do they fight? Do they fight at all? 

Assuming this is pre-future arc, when flames aren’t that much of a thing yet:

🍎 Kana: Straight-up just goes in for the kill. It can be with anything but has preference for swords.

🎀 Kurumi: Hand-to-hand combat, but uses her greatsword sometimes.

⛓️ Yui: Still uses his robots to fights, but skilled with the staff as well. He is more of a support type of fighter.

4. If they can't fight for any reason, what's their preferred method of self defense?

🍎 Kana: “I can’t win anymore, but you can still lose” type of self-defense

🎀 Kurumi: Negotiation, last resort is to somehow continue to fight

⛓️ Yui: Either try to win by pure strats or---”IF IT SUCKS HIT DA BRICKS”

KHR Character Questions

1. How much does Tsuna want to protect your oc upon first meeting them? After knowing them a minute, is Tsuna now scared of them or worried about them?

🍎 Kana: It’s not a question of how much Tsuna wants to protect her, it’s a question of how much Tsuna wants to protect himself from her--- He is terrified.

🎀 Kurumi: Tsuna was initially wary/scared of her, but she eventually became one of the people he wants to protect. He’s most friendly with her.

⛓️ Yui: Tsuna can’t figure this guy out completely to be honest. He’s a bit worried.

2.a Does Reborn think they're pathetic or does he have a slight respect for them?

🍎 Kana: Reborn thinks she’s a very promising hitman, but eventually she’s the one who ended up with the least progress after a good amount of time, compared to the others. His impression of her is a weird mix of having respect but at the same time, he thinks she’s a bit pathetic.

🎀 Kurumi: Reborn respects her for the amount of growth that she has gone through and the effort she put in to improve herself.

⛓️ Yui: Similar to Kana, a weird mix of respect and being pathetic. Though, Reborn does think he’s the more reliable of the three, during tough situations.

2.b If he(Reborn) suddenly appeared out of a wall-hole, how would your oc react?

🍎 Kana: Thinks it’s normal.

🎀 Kurumi: Thinks it’s normal.

⛓️ Yui: Thinks it’s normal.

3. Would Hibari Kyoya be able to stand being in a room with them for five minutes? How long do they last in a fight against him?

🍎 Kana: It’s more of a question of “Would Kana be able to stand being in a room with Hibari for 5 minutes--” because being in a room with her is exactly what Hibari wanted, now they can fight and beat the shit out of each other without Kana trying to nope out. In a fight, they would be pretty even and it could last for very long.

🎀 Kurumi: She always tries to pretend like she’s a weak damsel in distress, because she doesn’t want to end up on Hibari’s hitlist. Five minutes in a room with him would probably pass by uneventful. In a fight, I think they’d be pretty even too.

⛓️ Yui: ”IF IT SUCKS HIT DA BRICKS---He wouldn’t even engage in a fight with him, he knows better than that. Yui is, however, willing to sacrifice Kana as bait to get away.

4. Would your oc go off rambling about crytids with Gokudera? If yes, which is their fave cryptid? 

🍎 Kana: No.

🎀 Kurumi: If she’s interested enough!

⛓️ Yui: Yeah, if Gokudera can set aside his grudge. They’re both nerds deep inside and can get along if both of them actually made an effort.

5. Would Skull try to flirt with them? Would he score a date? Pity date or genuine interest?

I haven’t known this character that much yet, so I’ll skip for now.

6. How loud does your oc cheer when Yamamoto hits a home run? What if the ball hit them?

🍎 Kana: Probably won’t even be there. Unless, Kurumi convinces her enough to come.

🎀 Kurumi: Yes and it will be a moderately loud cheer. Instead of the ball hitting her, she’ll probably just catch it no problem.

⛓️ Yui: He’ll just be sitting back and relaxing. He’ll just evade any ball coming his way to hit him.

7. Would your oc be able to last an hour watching over Lambo, I-pin and Fuuta? What if they all had sugar beforehand?

🍎 Kana: No. Maybe possible, if it’s just Fuuta.

🎀 Kurumi: Yes, she adores them!

⛓️ Yui: Yes, but he may or may not be the best influence.

8. What food would Sawada Nana cook for your oc? What's their favourite food? Drink?

🍎 Kana: A meal with a sweet flavor. She has a preference for sweets in general.

🎀 Kurumi: I think she’d be fine with anything Nana cooks, but don’t let her cook though. Her favorite cakes are strawberry shortcake and cheesecakes.

⛓️ Yui: He tends to skip meals a lot, often runs on energy drinks and dislikes veggies in general, so Nana will probably give him large servings of healthy food? His favrite food is spring rolls and dumplings, while his favorite drinks are banana milk and peach tea.

Please tell me if you have other questions!

I desperately want to know more about people's khr OCs! Specifically yours @lilacdon20 and also yours @masterdisastre !!!!

But really anyone is very welcomed to reblog this with ramblings of their OCs!

Yes You! The person reading this! I want to know about your OCs specifically!!!!

Also you are all welcomed to tag other people who's khr OCs you like as well!! ANYONE IS WELOCME! /pos

Questions, if needed because flustered or confused, are under the Read more!

First up! General questions!

What is their name? Their pronouns? Age? Gender identity? Sexuality? (if any of that matters lmao)

Are they somehow related to another khr character? In what way?

What does your oc look like? Do you have any art of them? Picrew also welcomed! Ai art... Not preferred >:/

What are their relationships to other khr characters? Pairings you like with your oc? Adopted siblings and parents maybe?

Actually what's the family situation of your oc? Do they have siblings that's a background character perhaps? (example: sometimes I give Kusakabe Tetsuya a brother)

Does your oc have a mental illness? Neurodivergencies? Other disabilities? At what age did they get these disabilities if they weren't born with them?

If they had a super power what would it be?

Free Space! [Anything else you want to talk about?]

Khr specific questions:

What's their flames? And how many flames do they have? One? More? None?

How do they use their flames? If they have one.

If they don't have a flame, how do they fight? Do they fight at all?

If they can't fight for any reason, what's their preferred method of self defense?

Free space! [insert any khr specific question you want!]

And last but not least and mostly for fun!!! Khr character questions:

How much does Tsuna want to protect your oc upon first meeting them? After knowing them a minute, is Tsuna now scared of them or worried about them?

Does Reborn think they're pathetic or does he have a slight respect for them? If he suddenly appeared out of a wall-hole, how would your oc react?

Would Hibari Kyoya be able to stand being in a room with them for five minutes? How long do they last in a fight against him?

Would your oc go off rambling about crytids with Gokudera? If yes, which is their fave cryptid?

Would Skull try to flirt with them? Would he score a date? Pity date or genuine interest?

How loud does your oc cheer when Yamamoto hits a home run? What if the ball hit them?

Would your oc be able to last an hour watching over Lambo, I-pin and Fuuta? What if they all had sugar beforehand?

What food would Sawada Nana cook for your oc? What's their favourite food? Drink?

Free space! [insert any other character questions you want!]

There is no pressure for anyone to answer of course. I just want to get to know more OCs and their creators. I'm talkative lately so I'll try to keep up with the reblogs as best I can :3

Multiple reblogs for multiple OCs are also very very welcomed!

[waitimcomingtoo]

Pattinson

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress!reader

Synopsis: Tom gets jealous when you reveal your celebrity crush on Robert Pattinson

Masterlist

“Okay I saw these on Tik Tok and I had to get them for you.” Zendaya grinned as she slid a small black box towards you.

“What is it?” You eyed her skeptically as you accepted the box.

“Just open it and look.” She smiled and rubbed her hands together.

“No.” You gasped as you opened the box. “Team Edward underwear?”

You picked up a pair of lacy black paintings and held them out in front of you. The phrase “Team Edward” was stitched in bold white letters right over the crotch.

“Oh my God.” You burst into laughter. “What are these?”

“They’re just panties.” She said innocently. “I thought you’d like them.”

“I do but I cannot wear this around Tom.” You laughed and set them down. “He’ll think I’m insane.”

“Them wear them when he’s away.” She shrugged.

“I cannot believe you bought these.” You shook your head at her. “Or that someone made them. Or that I want to wear them more than anything.”

“See?” She smiled proudly. “I knew you’d like them.”

“I do.” You admitted. “But Tom can never know they exist.”

You put the panties away in your drawer that night and forgot about them. It wasn’t until a few weeks later when you were a guest on the Graham Norton show that your love of Twilight was brought up once again.

“Now, Y/n, I hear you’re a big Twilight fan.” Graham began.

“Yup. Last time I checked.” You nodded, purposefully quoting Jacob Black.

“Are you really?” Graham giggled.

“I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen those movies.” You shook your head. “Especially the first one. Everyone few months I just sit down and shot gun the series.”

“Were you Team Edward or Team Jacob?”

“Team Edward all the way.” You said immediately. “This is so embarrassing, but I used to leave my window open when I was in middle school so Edward could come in.”

“That’s some dedication.” Graham laughed. “Did he ever come?”

“No. He never did.” You pouted. “13 year old me was really disappointed.”

“I hear you even got a tattoo.” Graham raised his eyebrows, making you hide your face in shame.

“I do.” You laughed behind your hand. “I got too drunk halfway through Eclipse and got a tattoo.”

“You have to show us.” Graham insisted.

“Okay but don’t laugh.” You laughed in defeat and rolled up your sleeve. You held your arm out to the camera, showing off your tattoo that read “Robert Pattinson” in tiny letters on your arm. The audience and Graham laughed at the randomness at the tattoo as your face heated in embarrassment.

“Look at this, it’s not even Twilight related”. Graham laughed. “It’s just Roberts name.”

“I wanted to get to the point.” You shrugged, earning some laughs.

“Why this font?” He wondered as he stared at the tattoo.

“It’s helvetica.” You deadpanned, making Graham cover his face with his cards as he laughed.

“It looks like you’ve just typed this out on the computer.” He pointed out.

“I was drunk.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “And it felt right in the moment.”

“You’ve never met Robert, right?” Graham asked. “You haven’t showed this to him?”

“No, I’ve never met him”. You sighed dramatically. “And he will never see this tattoo.”

“Well then you better cover it up.” Graham said as he looked behind him. “Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Pattinson.”

You furrowed your eyebrows and looked behind Graham as Robert Pattinson came out from back stage. He was in a navy suit, looking as beautiful as ever as he walked towards the couch.

“Oh My God.” You covered your face with your hands as the audience became deafening. You could hear Robert and Graham greeting each other over the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. Slowly, you took your face away from your hands and sheepishly looked up.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Rob.” Robert smiled as he looked down at you.

“Hi.” You smiled weakly as you stood up. Robert shook your hand and kissed your cheek to say hello, making you die on the spot. You let go of him and sat down on the couch, never taking your eyes off Robert.

“This is…” Graham gestured to you a few times, reminding you to say your name.

“Y/n. Sorry.” You blinked a few times. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m a big fan.”

“Are you?” Robert asked as he sat down. “You a Twilight fan?”

“No, I haven’t seen it.” You lied as you collected yourself.

“You just said-“

“I love all your other movies though.” You cut Graham off. “I really admire your work. Your acting is phenomenal.”

“Thank you.” Robert smiled at you. “I’ve seen some of your work as well. I’m always very impressed.”

“Are you?” You squeaked.

“I am.” Robert chuckled. “You’re very talented. I hope we get to work together someday.”

“I’m surprised you two haven’t met before.” Graham cut in. “Y/n, Rob was in a movie with your boyfriend, wasn’t he?”

“With my what?” You asked as you stared starstuck at Robert.

“Your boyfriend.” Graham repeated as the audience laughed. “Tom Holland?”

“Right.” You laughed awkwardly as you continued to stare at Robert. “Him.”

“Yeah, we were in a movie together a few years ago.” Robert answered. “And we’re going to start filming another one soon. It’s called the Devil All The Time.”

“Right.” You remembered. “He told me about it. I was so jealous that he’s getting to work with you for a second time.”

“I’m sure you and I will share the screen one day. Playing lovers, perhaps.” Robert joked as he nudged you.

“Perhaps.” You squeaked.

“We’re gonna cut to commercial.” Graham announced. “More with Robert Pattinson and Y/n L/n after the break.”

After the interview, you ran back to your dressing room with a huge smile. You had not stopped smiling since Robert had walked out on stage. You walked into your dressing room and saw Tom sitting on your couch, making you let out a squeal.

“Ahh! Did you see me?” You gushed. “Did you see me with Edward?”

“Edward?” He chuckled as he hugged you. “You mean Robert Pattinson?”

“Yeah. Him.” You clapped your hands. “He shook my hand and kissed my cheek. I almost passed out. I’m in love with him.”

“I didn’t realize you were such a big fan.” Tom laughed awkwardly as you danced around the room.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been in love with that man for over ten years now. I’m never washing my hand again.” You held out the hand he shook. “Or my face. God, he’s so beautiful.”

“Yeah. I’ve seen him.” Toms smile slowly faded. “We worked together, you know.”

“I know. You’re so lucky.” You sighed. “Did you hear him saw he wanted us to play lovers in a movie? Can you imagine if that actually happens?”

“No.” Tom said flatly. Before you could notice his indifference, someone knocked at your soon.

“Op. Someones at the door.” You said as you twisted the handle. You opened the door to reveal Robert leaning against your doorframe, knocking the air out of your chest.

“Hello again.” Robert smiled at you.

“Rob!” You stammered in surprise. “Hi.”

“Nice to see you again, Tom.” Robert said as he looked behind you. “How you been, mate?”

“I’ve been good. You?” Tom asked as he stood beside you. He wrapped a protective arm around your shoulders, not liking how fond you were of his former costar.

“Can’t complain.” Robert shrugged. “I’m excited to start filming though. I’ve been working on the accent but I’m not sure I’ve gotten it yet.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great.” You told him. “You’ve done great accents before.”

“Thank you.” He winked at you. “You should come to visit us once we start filming. I’d love to see you again.”

“Of course.” You nodded repeatedly. “I’ll be there.”

“Great.” Robert grinned. “I’ll let you guys get back to it. Bye.”

“Bye.” You enthusiastically waved to him.

“Oh, and Y/n?” Robert said before walking away.

“Yes?” You asked hopefully.

“Close your windows.” He joked, calling back to your story from before. You felt your face heat up and gave him an embarrassed smile before nodding.

“I will.” You told him. Robert firmly squeezed your shoulder before walking away. As soon as you shut the door, you let out a scream and jumped up and down.

“Did you hear that?” You asked Tom. “We have an inside joke. Edward Cullen and I have an inside joke.”

“You do know his name is Rob, right?” Tom said, less than amused. “Not Edward.”

“He’s Edward to me.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “I’ve never been this close to getting a vampire boyfriend. Ah, I’m so happy.”

“You already have a boyfriend.” Tom reminded you as he slumped on your couch. First he had to watch you and Robert fawn over each other on Graham’s couch, and now you wouldn’t stop talking about him. Tom was more than jealous at this point and it was starting to get to him.

“I know.” You chuckled as you sat beside Tom and laid your head on his shoulder. “And I love you. Even if you’re not a vampire.”

“Wow. Even if?” He chuckled sarcastically as he wrapped an arm around you. You leaned up to kiss him, making him feel better. You may be a fan of Robert, but Tom was the one you were kissing.

~

As promised, Tom brought you with him to the set of The Devil All The Time. He left you in his trailer early in the morning when he left to film, but you were nowhere to be found by the time he returned at the end of the day. Tom pouted when he found his trailer empty and went for a walk around the set to try and find you. When you didn’t turn up in any of the places he checked, he returned to his trailer in defeat.

“Darling?” Tom asked as he walked into his trailer. “Are you in here?”

“Where the hell you been, loca?” You asked as you threw your arms around Tom.

“What?” Tom laughed as he hugged you back, just happy to have found you.

“It was a Twilight reference.” You explained before kissing him hello. “I’ve been trying so hard not to make them around Edward all day.”

“You’ve been with Rob all day?” Tom pulled away, his mood dropping quickly.

“Uh huh.” You nodded in excitement. “I was helping him run lines in his trailer. Can you believe he asked me to help him?”

“Good for you.” Tom grumbled as he flopped down on his couch.

“What’s wrong?” You asked when you noticed Toms tone.

“Do you have feelings for this guy or something?” Tom asked. “Cause it’s starting to seem like you’d rather be with Rob.”

“What?” You laughed. “Tommy, don’t be silly. Of course I don’t have feelings for Rob.”

“Really?” Tom raised an eyebrow. “Because you’ve spent all days running lines with him instead of me, your boyfriend. When he’s around, he’s all you talk about Y/n. And I remember you saying you were in love with him multiple times.”

“I’m not in love with him, silly.” You insisted as you took a seat on his lap. “I’m in love with Edward Cullen. He was my comfort character growing up. I didn’t have a lot of friends in school, so I read books. Sometimes, it was nice to pretend a gorgeous vampire was willing to risk the Volturi to be with you.”

“The what?” Tom asked.

“It’s like the Vampire Supreme Court.” You replied.

“The what?” Tom repeated.

“Oh, right. British.” You remembered. “They’re just the most powerful vampire coven, okay? They make all the rules. You’d know them if you saw them. It’s Charlie Seen and that bitch from Cat in the Hat.”

“What does this have to do you liking Rob?” Tom whined.

“Right, sorry.” You waved your hand in dismissal. “I don’t have feelings for Rob. I don’t even know him. I’m just projecting the character I loved growing up onto the actor who played him. You’re telling me you didn’t geek out the first time you met RDJ?”

“I did.” Tom admitted.

“Exactly. He was your childhood hero and Edward was mine. That’s all this is.” You smiled and patted his cheek. “Nothing to worry about, Tommy.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Tom pouted and rubbed your back. “I shouldn’t have accused you of anything.”

“It’s okay. I can see why you got a little jealous. I have been talking about him a lot.” You admitted. “But I promise you, when I look at him, all I see is Edward. Just straight up baseball uniforms and spider monkies.”

“What the hell goes on in those movies?” Tom mumbled under his breath.

“Well, the last two are pretty much an abortion debate.” You began. “But they’re also about Bella being willing to die for that vampire dick.”

“In a vampire movie?” Tom wondered.

“Yeah. But the first one is a baseball movie.” You told him.

“What the fuck?” He whispered.

“You’d understand it if you saw them.” You shrugged.

“I don’t think I would.” He said skeptically.

“I also don’t think you would.” You realized. “But you’d finally understand why I call you my “monkey man” sometimes.”

“That’s a Twilight reference?” He gasped.

“Yeah. A lot of things I say are Twilight references.” You chuckled.

“Well if my darling loves them that much, I might have to give them a chance.” Tom smiled as he leaned in to kiss him.

“Mmm.” You hummed against his lips. “You wanna watch 10 hours of Twilight with me?”

“Absolutely not.” Tom laughed against your mouth. He slowly laid you down on the couch as he hovered on top of you, never break the kiss. The kiss got more heated as you gripped his shirt while his hands slid down to your pants. As his hangs found your zipper, you realized something terrifying.

“Oh no.” You gulped.

“Whats wrong?” Tom wondered as he pulled away.

“Um...” you gulped and looked down at your lap. “You’re not gonna want to do that.”

“Why?” Tom raised an eyebrow, eyes darting down to your zipper skeptically.

“Daya sent me underwear a while ago.” You began. “Um, special underwear.”

“Did she?” Tom smirked as he tugged the zipper down.

“Not that kind of special.” You quickly moved his hand. “It um, it has a slogan on it.”

“Okay?” Tom said slowly.

“You’re not gonna like it.” You told him, only making his curiosity grow. Tom looked at you curiously before tugging your pants down. You covered your face with your hands as he gasped in horror.

“Team Edward?” He yelled. “Your underwear says Team Edward?”

“It was all I had!” You protested as you tugged your pants back up.

“You’re telling me you happened to be wearing these the day you come to visit Rob on set?” Tom pointed an accusing finger at you.

“What are you implying?” You asked as you swatted his hand away. Tom ran his hands through his hair and gave it a stressful tug. He didn’t want to take his insecurity out on you, but the underwear had crossed a line.

“Did you think something was gonna happen between you guys?” He mumbled without looking at you.

“What?” You laughed in shock. “Do you seriously think I woke up this morning and thought “hm, might fuck Robert Pattinson today. Let me make sure I put on my underwear that references a character of his from ten years ago!””

“I don’t know!” He whined. “I can’t believe you’re wearing those.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it.” You laughed as he stormed out of the room. “Tommy, come back.”

“Why are you laughing?” He pouted, face still red from jealousy.

“Because you’re upset over my underwear.” You tried to hold back your laughter. “You know, you could solve this problem by taking them off.”

“No.” He stamped his foot. “You don’t want me. You want you Edgar Curtain and his killer vampire penis.”

“It’s Edward Cullen.” You corrected. “And yes, I do want that.”

“Oh my God.” Tom rubbed his face, making you laugh again.

“Edward would never treat me this way.” You teased. “He would have sex with me and then get scared that he hurt me so he just plays chess with me the rest of our honeymoon.”

“Would he now?” Tom seethed.

“Tommy, please calm down.” You chuckled as you cupped his face. “It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that I was wearing these. I promise, you don’t have anything to worry about. You’re the only one I want.”

“Really?” He asked skeptically as you stroked his cheek with your thumb.

“What can I say?” You smirked. “I’m Team Tom.”

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[randomshyperson]

Can I request a modern angsty Wanda x Female reader where they’re best friends? R is openly out while Wanda is still in the closet. They very much like each other but Wanda still pushes her feelings away. And R says something like “I wish we could stop playing this game where we act like you don’t love me...it’s getting tiring to not love you in the way I want.” And like hopefully a happy ending :)

Hey, hope you’re fine :) I wanted to make something nice to you ‘cause you’re always so nice to me. Really hope you like this, i tried to follow everything you request.

Good reading!

Gif is not mine, and it doesn't really match any scene, but Lizzie just look so good in this. who even look this good while fighting.

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - Friends never love me like you

Words:  6.785k // Read in AO3 too

Warnings> 16+, hints of smut, soft angst, fluffy i think, language.

You're dreaming about Wanda again, and it makes sense, because your face is buried in her hair as you sleep in her bed. 

And then the alarm clock is ringing and you grumble, scrambling up in bed to reach the device on the nightstand. 

- Come on, Wandy, we need to get up. - You say as you stretch and sit up in bed, having turned off the noise. Wanda grumbles in displeasure, and puts her pillow over her face. You laugh, moving closer. - Wandy... wake up...

And then you are tickling her, and she is squirming as she laughs. But you let go quickly, laughing too.

- You're mean. - She says, and you shrug, getting up.

- Come on, it's our last week. - You say as you walk toward the bathroom. You have a toothbrush at Wanda's, a friend thing.

Then many minutes later, you are at school, surrounded with your group of friends in the cafeteria area, Wanda's head resting on your shoulder.

Everyone is used to the demonstrations of affection from the two of you, and even though you have been out since elementary school, none of your friends hint at anything about it. Wanda has been your best friend since kindergarten, and you really believed that she would be a part of your life forever.

And as you hold her hand through the hallways, or exchange messages between classes that you don't share, you smile, and think that nothing could ever change that.

//-//

Things begin to change on prom day. 

Trish Walker has been your classmate for three years, and she has always hated you for no apparent reason. Well, you guessed the reason, really. You remember how she tried to humiliate you last year by making a mean comment during a debate in history class, and you just turned to her with a wry smile and said "You don't have to fight me to get my attention. Just ask me out," and you watched her turn pink and mumble that this was absurd, as she quickly left the room. But that's past, and you've forgotten. 

And so here you are ignoring the strange feeling in your stomach that settled in when you saw Wanda dancing with Vision, a boy from your class who asked her to the dance at the last minute, justifying that he was embarrassed. You smiled when Wanda told you, even though you weren't happy about it. And now she was dancing, and you were walking outside with your hands in your pockets when you heard someone crying.

Trish was sitting on the sidewalk, and you approached slowly.

- Hey. - You greeted her, and she quickly began to wipe away her tears, letting out a humorless laugh. - Can I sit with you?

- It's a public street. - She replies, extending her arm. You chuckle lightly, sitting down next to her.

- Can I ask why you are crying?

- Why do you care?

You shrug, looking at the parking lot in front of you. 

- I am curious. - You say simply, and Trish holds back the tears in her eyes as she looks in the same direction as you, and hugs her knees.

-I'm just... - She starts and takes a deep breath to control her tears, and then lets out a wry laugh. - You were right about me.

You raise your eyebrow slightly, turning toward her. But she is still looking straight ahead.

- I like girls. - She confesses, tears streaming down her face. You frown. - And I just told my boyfriend that. And he didn't take it very well.

You let out a sigh.

- You want me to punch him? - You offer with a smile and she laughs, wiping her face. But then you change your posture to a tender one. - I'm sorry about that, Trish. - You say and she nods slightly, looking down at her lap. - I know you hate me and all, but I'm here if you need to talk about it.

Trish lifts her head, blinking in confusion. And then she laughs, and you look at her in surprise.

- I don't hate you. - she says with a shy smile. - I never hated you. I just... It was because of you that I told Peter I was bi.

You're really surprised.

- Wow, really? - you ask, and she nods, her face flushed. And then she moves forward, kissing you quickly. You swallow dryly as you pull away. - Trish...

- Damn, I'm sorry! - she asks, shaking her head and closing her eyes. - I'm so stupid!

- Hey, no. - You tell her sweetly, hoping she'll look at you again. - It's just that I was surprised. And well, you haven't been very nice to me over the years. - You point with a smile. - I didn't expect that.

Trish raises her eyebrows slightly.

- But last year, you made fun of me. - She retorts and you frown, not remembering, and seeing her expression, she sighs. - I guess I thought about it a lot more than you did. - she comments. - Last year, when I found out that I liked you, I tried to torment you at school for no reason. And then you retorted my teasing by saying that I was probably in love with you.

You let out a little laugh, remembering.

- Yeah, sorry about that. - You say. - I wouldn't have said anything like that if I had known it was true. It's not nice to bring people out of the closet.

Trish nods slightly, and you are silent for a moment.

- Do your parents know? - she asks curiously. You start to fiddle with your shoelaces.

- I told my father when I was 13. - You say. - I think my mother heard about it from him. And yours?

Trish lets out a humorless laugh.

- No chance. - She denies it. - My mother would kill me. I need to be far away from this place if I'm ever going to date a girl.

- This sucks. - You remark before you return to silence.

And then there is a noise and you turn your head slightly back to see two students stumbling out of the gymnasium as they exchange a passionate kiss, and you laugh lightly.

- I think you should go back to the party. - You say with a smile and Trish looks at you with a furrowed brow. - You look very pretty, Trish. You shouldn't be crying in the corner, especially since you're going to be prom queen for sure.

Trish laughs, looking away. And when you stand up, and offer your hand for her to hold, she accepts it and gets up. 

You walk side by side back to the party, the place is packed and the music is pleasantly loud.

As your gaze wandered around the room, you felt your chest tighten. Wanda and Vision were kissing softly as they danced in a far corner. You swallowed the lump in your throat, and felt Trish pull your hand gently, asking you to dance with her.

When she was crowned prom queen a few songs later, you let her kiss you again, and this time, you kissed her back.

//-//

You keep telling yourself that nothing is different in your relationship with Wanda. 

Because in theory nothing has changed. You still spend a lot of time together, and there are still messages, and jokes, and coffees and outings. And then you are packing for college, because of course you two were going to the same place, and her hand is in yours all the way there.

What has changed is the notifications from Vision on her cell phone, and the phone calls you get from Trish. But you two play along. There is nothing to talk about. 

Unfortunately you are not in the same dorm, and Wanda lets out a dissatisfied sigh when you hug her last to grab the boxes you need to carry to your room.

- I'll be at the end of the hall, Wandy. - You comment but she is not happy at all. 

- That is so unfair. - She says with a pout. - I wanted you to stay with me.

You let out a little laugh, ignoring the pounding of your heart. You were going to tell her that you would see her every day, but then there is a girl coming into the dormitory next.

- Hello - she greets you both with a smile. - Which one of you will be my roommate?

- Tha'ts me. - Wanda says with a smile as she extends her hand to greet the girl. - I'm Wanda, and this is Y/N.

- Monica. - The girl says smiling. - Is your girlfriend going to study here too?

- She is not my girlfriend. - Wanda harshly clarifies, and you frown for a moment, surprised at her aggressiveness. Monica doesn't seem to mind, and lets out a giggle, explaining that it was common for boyfriends and girlfriends to help freshmen get settled in.

And then you nod slightly at her, and pick up your boxes from the floor, carrying them to your room at the end of the hall.

There is a girl in your room sitting on the bed opposite the room, and you smile at her, while she seems to be appraising you.

- Hello, it looks like we're going to be roommates. - You say amiably as you leave the boxes on the floor.

The girl ends up interrogating you for the next few minutes, and you are surprised to find out that she is studies business, not espionage. She asks your major, your age, your parents' names, and how many friends you have. It's a little intimidating, but you answer honestly. And then she smiles and stands up, saying that you were nice and she was happy to have you as a colleague. She invited you to have coffee with her when you're done before she left the room, and you were quite surprised by the whole thing.

- Hey, did you get everything? - Wanda asked as she entered your room. You were still slightly upset by the way she had reacted earlier, and just nodded. - Can we have a snack?

- Sorry, Wands. - You denied it by organizing one of the last books. - I'm busy.

Wanda blinked in surprise, and crossed her arms.

- What's wrong? - She asked, but you didn't look at her, which seemed to bother her more.

- It's nothing, I just want to finish tidying up. - You lie. 

- Fine then. - She says, sounding upset. - I'll see you later.

And she leaves. You feel like running after her, and apologizing for, well you don't know what exactly. But you just slam the book down harder than necessary.

//-//

You only see Wanda the next day, as she answers a call from Vision outside her room. You swallow the bitter feeling in your throat, and smile, giving her a kiss on the cheek to greet her before heading toward the cafeteria. You have coffee together, and share class schedules so you know when you have time together.

- Is your roommate nice? - You asked as you poured yourself some more cereal, Wanda was leaning her head on her hand, looking at you.

- She is noisy. - Wanda says. - Like you.

You laugh before putting a spoonful of cereal in your mouth. As you chew, Wanda speaks again:

- Your seems grumpy. - She comments and you nod in agreement, causing Wanda to smile slightly.

You drink some orange juice before speaking again.

- She is surprisingly nice, actually. - You comment. - She took me out for coffee yesterday, and we talked.

Wanda murmured, looking away. Maybe she was still upset that you refused to go out with her, but you didn't say anything. 

When you finish breakfast, you have your first classes. You expect to see Wanda soon, but your schedules don't really match.

You just hope it doesn't affect your relationship too much.

//-//

College was a stressful and uncomfortable experience. The classes were difficult and long, and the assignments were even worse than those in high school. And the little free time you had, you wanted to spend with Wanda, but you couldn't neglect your other friends, and you had to divide this little time very well. The parties were good because you got to see all the people at once.

So, two months since you started studying at NYU, you were on the roof of the boys' dormitory, at one of the numerous parties, laughing at Carol Danvers' joke about adult life. 

And your friends are all around you, laughing and talking. And you think you're staring too much at Wanda, who looks stunning in her black dress, but you've been drinking for a few minutes, so you don't care.

Someone turns up the music, and your friends cheer, and then Carol is pulling you by the hand inside, while Nat, Tony, Steve, Sam, Bucky, Wanda and Monica follow behind. 

You begin to dance all together, and you let the beat of the music command your movements as you close your eyes. Then you end up in front of Wanda, because it has always been this way, your bodies always pulled together. 

And it's okay to dance close together, because it's a party. You don't complain when your bodies come together, and she doesn't complain when your hands go down her waist, or when your hips rub against each other. No one seems to notice that your foreheads are together, and you both gasp out of breath shaken by the intensity of your movements.

But someone is drinking too much, and they bump into you, breaking the spell as you stumble away. Your head is spinning a little, and there's someone yelling fight, and then your friends are pulling you by the hand out of the building. 

With the night air, you breathe better. And your gaze searches for Wanda, but she doesn't look happy. She says from a distance that she is tired, and turns toward her own dormitory. You want to go after her, but the look on her face says she wants to be alone. So you take the after party invitation your friends offer.

You are getting used to having more friends that are as close as Wanda. You realize that adult life changes relationships considerably, especially since you no longer have the same amount of time. You prefer to believe that you are getting closer to other people, rather than further away from Wanda.

//-//

It is during the Thanksgiving holiday that you discover that Wanda likes girls. 

The two of you have returned home, and your father has joined Wanda's family in celebration.

After eating a lot, laughing and playing fun games with the whole family, you and Wanda have had many sips of wine, and you are tired and giggly.

You go up to Wanda's room, and talk about college with your heads on the pillows. And then both of you are with your eyes closed, whispering, and practically asleep.

- I am pansexual. - She whispers weakly..

You thought maybe you were dreaming, and it took you a few seconds to fight the sleep and open your eyes, finally understanding what Wanda said. But when you looked at her, she was asleep. You frowned in surprise as you sat up in bed. You ran your fingers through your hair, and moved closer to Wanda only to cover her with the blanket. You lay back down, trying not to stare so long at her sleeping face, but she looked so beautiful and peaceful. Your heart was racing, and you lied to yourself that it was just because of her words. And then you closed your eyes, and it didn't take you long to fall asleep.

The other day, Wanda said she didn't remember anything. And you didn't press her, believing that when she was ready, she would talk to you about it.

//-//

And then you decided to just have lunch with your father before you went back to college, and while you were eating, you thought about how you told him.

"You were thirteen, and you two were sitting watching television, each in an armchair. It was between one score and another. And your heart was beating so loudly, it seemed impossible that he wouldn't notice. 

- I like girls. - You suddenly confessed. Your father blinked in surprise, looking at you quickly, before turning his gaze back to the television.

You swallowed hard.

- I don't know what to say. - He says. - It makes no difference to me.

You nodded frantically, holding back your tears as you stared at the television. And then your father sighed, straightening himself in his chair and turning off the television.

- Come here, darling. - He asked, and you stood up robotically, walking over to him while your gaze was on the floor. - I'm sorry, I'm not good with these things. - he says. - But don't worry, okay? I love you, kid. No matter what, i love you. - And then he lifts his hand and places a finger on her chin, lifting it up gently. - Head up like I taught you, okay? Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't be.

You let your tears flow when you hug him. And you watch the soccer in the same armchair, cuddled in the blankets."

You blink slightly, awakening from the memory. You exchange a smile with your father before going back to eating.

//-//

In the second year, you have your first fight with Wanda since you became friends.

It's stupid, really. You were supposed to meet earlier, and you got the schedules mixed up, and then she got angry and you ran out of patience. Pretty soon you're yelling and accusing, and then she's storming out of your room with a slam on the door.

It is the same day that you see Wanda kissing a girl for the first time too.

Because Tony loves parties, and he invites you over, and there's lots of drinking. And you know you should talk to Wanda about the discussion earlier, but then she is avoiding you and you think you'd better start drinking.

The hours go by, and you should leave because it's a school day tomorrow. But you want to get some air, after having spent the whole party pretending to listen to your friends while your gaze searches for Wanda. And so you go to the roof, shortly after you have lost sight of her, and try to sober up a little with a bottle of water.

You choke as you look around, seeing Wanda being pressed against the wall by a girl you don't recognize.

But they don't see you, and you turn your feet in the opposite direction. And when you are outside, there is a message from Trish on your cell phone saying that she misses you, and you decide to say that you miss her too.

//-//

When your friends ask Wanda about the mysterious girl, she laughs and says it was just a party, that people do that sort of thing. And nobody pressures her. And then Vision is calling her again, and you're too busy to listen because you're texting with Trish.

In February, Trish comes to see you in your dorm. You talk a lot, and it's nice and safe. And you ignore the feeling that it is not right. And then Nat opens the door, and gives you a mischievous smile, before taking her bag and leaving again.

And then other dates happen after that, and the more time you spend with Trish, the less you spend with Wanda. And that's okay, because you're adults now, and these things happen. And now Trish kisses you as often as Wanda goes on dates with Vision. And then you want to ignore the nervousness in your stomach when you're kissing while there's a sock on the doorknob. 

- I can't do this. - You confess breathlessly with swollen lips.

Trish doesn't mind. She is thoughtful and patient, and she tells you that everything is fine. And the dates continue for a few weeks, until you tell her that you are not in love with her. She hugs you, and says you never seemed to.

But when you walk back to your dorm, Vision has come to see Wanda. And she smiles, and kisses him. And you want to throw up, but you nod politely as you walk past them and throw yourself on your bed in your dorm. 

- What's the matter with you? - Natasha asks the next moment. She is sitting at her desk, probably doing some homework.

- I broke up with Trish. - You say this as if it were the real reason. Nat lets out a grumble of understanding.

- Why don't you try hanging out with Wanda for a while?

You close your eyes and bury your face in your pillow at the mention of her name. But then you feel irritated, and are sitting up in bed.

- Vision is here. - You comment with irony, and Nat giggles.

- Wow, this is bad. - She says, writing something in her notebook. - It must be hard to share a girlfriend.

Her teasing bothers you. Or maybe it is something else.

- We're not girlfriends. - Nat giggles, and you let out an impatient sigh. - I'm not laughing. What are you trying to imply?

Nat turns her head toward you, her eyes gleaming in defiance.

- Insinuating? I am presenting facts. - she says with a slight irony. - What would you call "friends" who act like you and Wanda? I know them as a couple.

- That's ridiculous. - You retort. - We act like everyone else.

- Excuse me, when was the last time you had a nightmare and crawled into my bed in the middle of the night? - She mocks. - Or got all upset when I went out with a boy? Oh, I have an amazing one. When you became my emergency contact for everything?

You blink in surprise. Nat doesn't look angry, just impatient. You don't like the feeling in your stomach.

- Just because you are not as good of a friend as Wanda, doesn't mean that we are dating. - You accuse grumpily, and regret it at the same second. So Nat is looking at you with disbelief and irritation, and then she leaves the room.

You wish you could disappear, but you force yourself to get up, hoping to catch up with her in time. But when you leave the dormitory, you don't see her anywhere.

You resist the urge to punch something.

It is already evening, and Nat has not returned to the dormitory yet, and you are anxious and impatient as you wait in your room, after having spent the afternoon trying to distract yourself with some pending lessons. And then you go outside again, and try to call. After falling into the mailbox a few times, you decide to leave a message, while leaning on the balcony bench at the entrance to the dormitory.

- Hey, Nat. It's me. - You say on the phone. - I'm sorry for saying that you are not a good friend. That is absolutely untrue. You are loyal, and fun. And you put up with my shit even when I'm being a brat. I'm sorry that I acted without thinking, I guess I didn't want to see the truth. No one has ever confronted me about Wanda like that. - You confess, and take a deep breath. - Anyway, I hope you don't hate me forever, it would be hard to get along in the dorm. - You joke last. - Please call me when you can.

You put the cell phone back in your pocket, running your hand through your hair. And then there is a female voice that you know well.

- Are you all right? - Wanda asks walking towards him. She was coming from the dormitory entrance; she had probably just said goodbye to Sight.

- Everything is fine. - You reply with irony. - I'm just making sure Nat knows she' s a good friend.

Wanda blinks in confusion, and then assumes an ironic posture.

- Wow, I would like to hear that I am a good friend. - She jokes, and you bite your lip, feeling your irritation rise. 

- This whole fight only happened because of you, so I find it difficult. - You retort aggressively, and Wanda frowns in surprise.

- What's the matter with you?

- You, Wanda. - You retort, straightening your posture. - I'm tired of it all.

Wanda takes a step back, confused, and you feel your body boil with anger.

- I don't know what you are talking about.

- I'm talking about us. - You clarify impatiently. Wanda blinks in confusion, crossing her arms and lifting her chin.

- There is no us. - She retorts. - I'm with Vision...

You laugh wryly and approach her.

- I'm tired of this game where we pretend you're not in love with me. - You say seriously. - It's exhausting not loving you the way I want to.

Wanda shakes her head in denial, her eyes filled with tears as she takes a step back.

- I don't...

- Wanda.

- No. - she says seriously. - Just because you're gay doesn't mean that all girls are.

She seems to regret her own words as soon as she speaks them, because she takes a step toward you, but you let out a dry laugh, before walking away. Maybe Wanda has called you, but you don't look back.

//-//

You are on the verge of emotional misery, but you feel better when Nat brings you some hot chocolate. She forgave you for the fight, and apologized for pushing you, but explained that she couldn't stand to see you grumpy anymore whenever Wanda answered the phone and it was Vision calling. And then you told her about your conversation with Wanda, and she hugged you, and said she hoped things would work out.

You weren't talking to Wanda for the time being. It was strange, and it felt like a piece of your life was missing, but you tried to fill it in with homework and television series.

When the mid-year exams came around, you wished you had never come to college in the first place. It seemed like you were going to explode with anxiety and stress at any moment. 

 And then the vacations came, and you went back home, this time you took the train. 

Pietro visited you the day you arrived. You went out for hamburgers, and after you talked about people from college, he mentioned Wanda.

- She misses you, you know? 

You were sitting in the empty stands of your old high school, and you leaned your arms on the metal and your chin on top of them, looking at the field. Pietro was with one of his legs crossed in his lap, looking at you.

- I miss her too. - You confessed. - But we both said stupid things, and there's no going back from that.

Pietro took a bite of his burger before speaking again.

- I just think it's weird to go out with you without her. - He remarks, and you laugh softly.

- Hey, we are friends too.

- Of course we are. - he says. - But you were like, well, I don't know, soul mates maybe.

You feel your heart break, but force a smile.

- You're too corny, Pietro.

He laughs and goes back to eating. And then he lets out a low exclamation, as if to tell you something.

- I guess you two must have talked about it already, and all that. - he says. - But Wanda told our parents that she is pansexual.

You raise your head quickly and end up hitting the top iron of the railing, and Pietro looks worried, but you just ignore his look, and ask:

- What did you say?

He looks surprised as you massage the spot where you hit your head. But then he shrugs his shoulders.

- She told us during Dad's birthday. Just before the weeks of exams when she came here. - He says. - It was fine, Dad was surprised and Mom didn't really know what to say, but they took it very well.

- And you?

Pietro laughed.

- I bought her a flag the next day.

You laugh, pushing Pietro lightly by the shoulder. 

- Wow, that's good to know. - You say. - She must have been happy.

- Yeah, well. I think she would have liked to have you there, though. - Pietro says and you look away, knowing that he is right. - I always thought you would be the first person she would tell.

You swallow dryly, remembering that Thanksgiving night. But then Pietro's cell phone rings, and he says he has to go, so you are driving home mumbling songs into the radio in Pietro's car.

//-//

It's good to go back to college, because you see your friends. But it also means that you see Wanda in the dormitory hallways, and occasionally in the college building.

- You are staring again. - Natasha warned you when you were in the library, and you blinked in confusion, looking away from Wanda, across the room.

- I wasn't. - You grumbled, looking at your book. Nat laughed.

- Jesus, why don't you two just talk to each other?

- She has already said what she has to say. - You retorted with a shrug. Nat sighed.

- What about you? - She asks and you frown in confusion. - Have you said everything you wanted to say?

You look away again, thinking. No. You haven't said half of what you wanted to say. Honestly, you couldn't even tell Wanda that you were proud of her for coming out.  But you pushed those thoughts away for the moment.

You went back to studying for a few minutes, trying to distract your thoughts. But then Nat received a message and let out an excited exclamation.

- Party on Saturday. - She announced, looking at her cell phone. - I'll confirm our presence.

You let out a grumble, and she looked at you.

- Don't even start with that. - She said. - You need to get out of that room, for God's sake.

You laughed lightly, laying your head against the books. Nat massaged your hair with one hand while she sent Steve an audio message saying that you were behaving like a crybaby, but that you were going to the party.

//-//

The party was bubbling with noise and people. Nat stood next to you for the first five minutes, and then you laughed when she let out an exclamation when she saw older foreign students who were very handsome, and you gave her a little push to go talk to them. 

Your gaze finds Wanda in the room almost within the next minute. Looking fucking gorgeous. And she looked back, so you found it hard to breathe in there, and looked for the exit.

It was amazing how you always ended up on the rooftops in this place.

You lean your arms on the balcony, enjoying the cool evening breeze. And then you feel a glance behind your back, and you don't have to turn to know who it is.

The next instant Wanda is beside you, mimicking your position.

- Hi. - She greets you by looking forward as you do.

- Hi. - You answer softly. - You look beautiful.

You watch her smile slightly from the corner of your eye.

- How are you? - she asks. And you bite the inside of your cheek. 

You adjust your posture and turn to her.

- I need to say a few things to you. - You say, and she looks surprised by the sudden change, but also turns and looks at you. You take a deep breath to build up courage. - I'm sorry I pushed you that day. I shouldn't have done that. - You say and Wanda looks ready to say something, but you add quickly, believing that if you don't say it all, you won't say it anymore. - Also, I visited Pietro during the vacations, and he told me that you told your parents that you were pansexual. And I'm proud of you for that, and I'm sorry I wasn't there with you.

Wanda looks at you wide-eyed, and you let out a sigh.

- Wow, you said a lot of things. - She then declares with a slight frown, and you let out a short laugh. - But I need to apologize too. I was mean to you. And I'm sorry for that. - She smiles next, looking down at the floor. - But what about all those things you said about ... us. Are you sorry about that too?

You swallow dryly, feeling your heart race. And Wanda looks at you with sparkling eyes.

-No. - You tell her. - I meant every word.

Wanda's cheeks flush as she smiles, but then there is a loud noise and you both look over to see Natasha snuggled up to a boy entering the roof area. She steps aside to close the door, and then she notices you both, giving you a mischievous smile as she pulls the boy by his shirt into the corner of the roof. You and Wanda laugh at the scene, but the moment from before is broken. Especially since you can hear Natasha kissing a few feet away.

- So... friends? - Wanda asks, holding out her hand to you after you look at her again. You shake her hand, smiling.

- Friends.

//-//

Things are going great. You are doing well in the tests, you are having healthy habits and you are about to combust every time you are with Wanda, maybe the last part is not so good.

You have resumed your friendship in the same way as before. And when you told Natasha about this she laughed for fifteen minutes.

And then you eventually found out that Vision was no longer in Wanda's life. Pietro called you and mentioned this superficially, as if it wasn't something that completely changed your dynamic. Maybe you were overthinking it. 

The relevant thing was that there was a tension in your relationship that you were not used to having. Or maybe it had always been there, and you just ignored it better.

Like now, studying in the library, sitting side by side, with your legs touching under the table. You have spent the last twenty minutes repeating to yourself not to think about it so much instead of actually studying. 

- How did you do exercise number thirteen? - Wanda asked suddenly. You almost choked with fright, but you masked it by turning the pages of the book. You hadn't even done any exercises. But then Wanda came closer, looking at your notebook, and you resisted the urge to close your eyes as the smell of her shampoo invaded your senses. - Are you all right?

You blinked in surprise when Wanda looked at you. She had turned her head toward you, and you could see her eyelashes clearly. 

- Huh? - you mumbled, feeling hyperaware of the proximity. Wanda frowned, bringing her hand to your cheek.

- You're warm. Are you getting sick?

You were trying to disguise that you were trembling at her touch, and then Natasha arrived, throwing the books on the table and looking at you both with curiosity over your position. But Wanda turned away with a smile, and greeted Nat, while you tried to normalize your heartbeat.

The three of you went back to studying together, it was easier to concentrate now that you had Nat's judgmental gaze on you, waiting for a slip to make a comment that would embarrass you.

//-//

You have a free period in the late afternoon, and go back to your dorm. Nat is lying on the bed with a book on her lap.

- God, don't you seniors ever study? - You sneer as you enter, and she laughs. 

- Pick the right classes and you'll have as much free time as I do. - She replies without taking her eyes off the paper. You flop down on your bed, let out a sigh. - What's wrong?

- I didn't say anything. - You retort with humor. Nat closes the book and crosses her legs, looking at you.

- It's your energy. - She says, and you laugh with confusion. - You have a charged energy, my friend. What's going on?

- I really don't know what you are talking about. - You say with a slight laugh and turn over on the bed to rest your head on her arm and look at her.

Nat is thoughtful for a few seconds, and then stands up in the direction of the room, picking up her cell phone. She reads something on her screen for a while, while you stare at your sheet, and then she lets out an exclamation.

- Aha, here it is! - She says without taking her eyes off the device, but turning her body toward you. - The sexual aura is detected through...

- Oh my god. - You interrupt by throwing a pillow at her, and she just laughs and deflects, while putting the phone down. You bury your face in the bed, feeling it warm.

- Girl, you are emanating a sexual lust! - Nat exclaims, throwing the pillow back at you. - You need to get laid!

- Please shut up! - You ask, your voice muffled against the bed sheet. Nat laughs as she walks around the room.

And then there is a knock on the door, and someone enters. You pull your face away from the sheet to see Wanda.

- Wow, it's fate. - Nat sneers and you move quickly on the bed to attack her, but she laughs and deflects your hands, running away. She shouts something like "don't forget the sock" before slamming the door on her way out.

- What was that? - Wanda asks with a giggle as you throw yourself back onto the bed, your face reddening.

- Nat is crazy, don't listen to her. - You grumble and then adjust your position to sit up in bed. - I didn't know you were free now.

Wanda smiles, dropping her backpack on the floor. 

- The teacher let us off early. - She says as she walks over to you, sitting down across from you on the end of the bed. - I thought about watching a movie.

You let out an exclamation of agreement, moving on the bed to reach for your notebook. Wanda lies down beside you.

And things go well for about forty minutes. You think it's the choice of film that's to blame. If you had chosen one of the sitcoms that Wanda likes, you would be laughing right now. But you decided to watch Carol's recommendation given a few weeks ago. And so now you watched in silence a particularly visual lesbian sex scene.

You weren't sure whether your heart was pounding in shame or excitement, but judging by the rising heat at the tip of your belly and in your cheeks, it was easy to guess.

You want to think of something to say that might lighten the mood, but Wanda moves again, as if interested.

- Wow, did you ever do that? - she asks, pointing briefly at the movement on the screen. You swallow dryly.

- No. - You say in a slightly husky voice. - I've never...

And then Wanda looks at you in surprise.

- I thought you and Trish...

You let out a clumsy laugh. 

- Yeah, almost. - you say. - But I told her I couldn't.

- Why not?

You look away from her.

- You know why.

Wanda lets out a sigh, and then she turns to the notebook, closing the equipment and placing it on the other end of the bed. You look at her confused, wondering if she was angry, but your brain short-circuits as she turns to you and sits on your lap.

- Oh, okay. - You sigh shyly as Wanda relaxes her weight on top of you. She smiles as she puts her hands on your shoulders.

- What do you want to do? - she asks softly, looking into your eyes intensely. You feel your heart beating against your ears. 

- What do you mean? - you ask with a trembling voice.

- What do you want to do to me? - She asks with a slight blush on her cheeks, bringing their faces together until their foreheads are resting against each other. - Do you want to kiss me?

- Fuck. - You sigh. - Yes, a lot.

And then Wanda breaks the distance between your mouths, gasping against your lips. You feel your whole body electrify, and move your hands up to her waist. And then she pulls away again.

- Was that good? - she asks breathlessly.  You are trembling as you pull her back, this time kissing her with your tongue. And this time she doesn't interrupt.

When you part your mouths again, your bodies are sweaty and tired.  And she blushes when you smile at her, burying her face in your collarbone.  You cover yourselves with the blanket, and close your eyes. 

Many hours later, when you wake up for a snack and meet Nat in the cafeteria, she tells you that your aura is clear as she gives you a suggestive look.

You are dreaming about Wanda. But that's okay, because she is curled up against you, and you have rings on your fingers, and shared key chains.