#12 months later

[etlu-yume]

So uh. Wow. What a year.

I kind of wanted to do a reblog since this keeps getting notes and traction (it struck a common nerve, clearly? Hugs to everyone that it resonated with. It absolutely fucking sucks.) to see how things compare.

First and most important thing: I'm not counting down the good days until Luteal Phase hits.

I'm not even counting 'good days' vs 'bad days' anymore.

More beneath the cut but fair warning: mentions of self harm and suicide stats for PMDD beyond this point:

Things did get a little bit worse before they got better; unsurprisingly since 72% of PMDD sufferers experience suicidal thoughts and 34% attempt suicide (I'm ok! I only got the intrusive thoughts, my car is very relieved [it threw me 'Keep Yourself Alive' on shuffle, I can take a hint])

At the end of April I finally started on Yaz, after making my way through several papers about the effect of birth control on iron retention and the role of 4th generation Progesterone on iron retention (of which one is a key component of Yaz). The mechanics were sound - reduced bleeding therefore means less iron loss - but also meant less iron reduction, which I need to pay attention to for my Haemochromatosis. Ironically in the end I decided that paying a little closer attention to my iron and having blood taken more frequently was a little more manageable than some necromancy, as the PMDD symptoms profoundly worsened after coming off Evelyn.

So we gave it a shot. (After all, at that point I was worried that I'd even survive the next Luteal Phase. It's not fun, it's not a game, it's absolute torture)

It's not a cure, it's merely a treatment. A treatment that, for the most part, seems to be helping for me. My phantom cramps have reduced significantly (only a few days here and there, compared to a good 14+ days at the worst points). Along side the Yaz, I managed to identify and eliminate other particular stressors from my immediate environment, and additionally managed to organize venesections to help get my iron back down.

It's not the most perfect road to management, it's certainly not the most perfect road to recovery. Other issues were found to be involved (Gaslighting, emotional abuse) that were no doubt exacerbating the issue.

But

I'm no longer spending 14+ days in near constant background pain.

I'm no longer watching the days pass and begging for my body to bleed and put me out of my misery.

I'm not crying at the drop of a hat.

I'm not speeding around town in a furious rage.

And I'm not constantly telling myself that it's 'not that bad'.

It was bad. It was absolute fucking hell. I'd be lying if I wasn't worried about what happens if I go off the Yaz, or forget, or can't get hold of it. But in this moment, it's helping. It's working. I've managed to get enough systems in place that it's manageable, and we approach the bridges with caution when we get to them.

And it's so, so much better than this time last year.

(Happy PMDD awareness month!)

The worst part of coming out of the PMDD Hazard Zone is that everything feels fine. It feels like you can handle the next wave and you'll be alright, as if the inescapable existential dread and loneliness that almost drove you mad 5, 6 days ago didn't exist.

Which is dumb because it /did/ and there's blog posts and ARTWORK to prove that it did and it was absolute hell.

And then we start talking ourselves out of following up with medical professionals. "It wasn't that bad". "Next time it'll be better".

You forget how difficult it was to climb back out of that, how hard you had to fight yourself and every little nasty thing your brain would throw at you while you did it.

And maybe in some ways, that's the real dangerous part.

Because you think it's fine....

...until suddenly it's not.

[dragonpyre]

Reverse Robin au but the ages aren't changed. Just adoption order.

[itsajollyjester]

Family Portrait

The only family he has.

[sparrowlucero]

this is the iconic dinosaur horror jurassic park wishes it was

[myimaginationplain]

do you ever think about how Ohkubo extremely casually dropped the fact that Spirit & Kami were teen parents & then proceeded to never expound upon that fact or bring it up ever again despite it explaining a whole lot about them & Maka

[neolxzr]

moar sketchbook pages

[nicnacsnonsense]

You know, I think Clark and Lex’s relationship really could have benefited from a safe word. Something either of them could have said to the other to communicate “your current line of inquiry is infringing on my privacy in a way I cannot elaborate on without further compromising my privacy, so I need you to redirect or drop it.”

[geryone]

The last 30 days has been so long & it’s all starting to catch up to me

[beesinspades]

happy pride month from vash the stampede!!!! 💜 seeing all the ace vash art makes me so happy I wanted to contribute!

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

"D-Dads right, there isn't- there isn't a lot of time. I need to- I need to start. I need to start figuring stuff out." Icarus Morningstar says, nearly three months ago. 3 months. "There isn't a lot of time," three months is a lot of time, Icarus. Not a lot of time implies a few weeks at most - not *12*

[icarianlibrary]

Sometimes all it takes is perspective.

Me rn: "I dunno, I don't think we're improving"

Me 1 year ago: "We drew that...? WE drew that??"

Was looking back on old art, came across my old PJO fanart, and some other characters I drew

[intheconfessiondial]

12 Months of 12 - April

edit I altered this a ton and then posted it so please go check that one out instead! It's a lot better.

[raynavan]

heyo! i have been. Incredibly busy with art fight last month and i figured id post some of the attacks I was most proud of here.

here is 3 for @blaiddraws!

some for @fourphoenixfeathers!

some for @ingo-ingoing-ingone!

me and @drag0n0fbutt3r traded a lot of attacks this year! here's two of mine!

and some ones i had a lot of fun with- in order, Pitdoom_ for the first two, @narikine, awoomode and @the-pocky-stix!

[thedrotter]

(cw for a gun, mild blood and suicide in the last drawing.)

Day 1-5 of drawing Re:Kinder daily for a whole month! I'll be doing that all month. ☺️

I did not draw Re:Kinder enough (said both sarcastically and genuinely, because while I know the statement is ridiculous I also do believe it www), so I chose to challenge myself. I will post these every 5 days to not clog the tag too much.

[belligerentbagel]

Final two ArtFights!

Red (otherfireangel)

Suzuni Yukai (pikapillow)