#100% ninja dad

[grey-viridian]

Little good things in big bad times

[hijinxinprogress]

Civilian Gothamites realizing they can get vengeance through Sword!Robin

Gothamites figuring out if they happen to mention a rogue treating animals poorly within hearing range of sword!Robin that rogue will be in custody with at least four fractures and a concussion and Damian being completely aware that like 63% of these people are lying but it’s the only way he can get experience with the nonlethal takedowns he’s experimenting with bc everyone keeps complaining about how he treats his opponents and allies 

Like he’s guiding a civilian to safety and they mention that “this would be the worst thing to happen to me today if riddler didn’t stab my fucking cat” and this civilian does not own a cat but they did own a car that was just paid off but riddler fucking crushed it with a stupid ass hot air balloon that’s shaped like a fucking question mark and Damian is aware of this bc he was the one that verified the insurance claim (but he’s been looking for a reason to punch Nygma in the throat since his last Arkham escape when he called Damian a moron)

And he also knows that if he plays along with it and says ‘as if I’d let that gaudy and tactless imbecile get away with committing such atrocities’ when prompted that he’ll get away with barely a slap on the wrist like he gets three half hearted but long lectures he’s not going to listen to and an online sensitivity training seminar he goads Tim into completing (Damian and Tim 100% try to trick each other into doing work they don’t want to do and full heartedly believe the other has no idea what they’re doing)

Bruce’s tendency for finding small crashouts at risk of becoming future rogues in Gotham and deciding they need love & supervision but what actually happens bc he’s so fucking awkward is they get almost the same amount of supervision just with like an hour of intense helicopter parenting a week but honestly besides that they just have more money and resources to do fuck shit

Tim 🤝🏾 Damian: using the manipulation tactics they learned from their mothers then later improved on with help from an assassin cult and bat/cape interrogation questioning techniques on the homies

[dragons-hoard-of-fandoms]

I see y'all with your Quiet One Lloyd AUs and I raise you:

AU where Lloyd never met the Ninja again after their initial encounter in Jamanakai Village. He ran off before he could fall into the Hypnobrai tomb, so no one, least of all the Hypnobrai themselves, have any idea how or why it opened.

Couple years down the line, the Ninja (who still have no idea who the Green Ninja is) are getting their butts handed to them by a mysterious masked stranger, wielding an unknown element in the form of some sort of destructive, green-and-purple energy. An out-of-breath Kai angrily demands to know who this guy is, prompting the assailant to dramatically pull off his hood and mask and say,

"What, you've hung so many kids from roofs you can't even remember all of them?"

[dumbass-duo-showdown]

We went from 16 with over 2 suggestions to over 25! With almost 2/5 being more than that!

But here’s this week popular 25!

Lord Garmadon (Lego ninjago)

Eddie Diaz and Evan Buck Buckley (911 on fox)

Greg Universe (Steven universe)

Bandit Heeler (bluey)

Din Djarin (mandalorian)

Subject Delta (bioshock)

Heinz Doofeshmirtz (phineas and ferb)

Bob Blecher (bobs burgers)

Jean Valjean (les misérables)

Hans Hubermann (the book thief)

Calvin’s dad (Calvin and Hobbes)

Augustus Aquato (psychonauts)

Benjamin Sisko (Star Trek DS9)

Reigen Arakata (mob psycho 100)

Splinter (teenage mutant ninja turtles)

Pyrrha Dve (the locked tomb)

Seteth (fire emblem)

All might (my hero academia)

Iruka Umino (Naruto)

Joel Miller (the last of us)

Uncle Iron (avatar: the last airbender)

Kaname Date (AI: the Somnium Files)

Darkwing Duck/Drake Millard (darkwing duck)

Lee Everett (the walking dead game)

Hakoda (avatar)

Current Phase Explained

Basic code of conduct

Here is the form

[sskurwysyn]

GOOD DAD DRAXUM AU GOOD DAD DRAXUM AU!!!! + Villain turtles (?)

So basically, what if Lou Jitsu didn't manage to snatch the turtles and they were raised by Baron Draxum

He's very very bad at parenting at first (he has exactly 0 knowledge on handling children)

Munnin and Huggin to the rescue!! (They don't know anything about parenting either but they do have something Barry lacks - common f-cking sense)

He was so happy his experiment worked out, he forgot to plan a bit ahead. In his mad scientist haze, he disregarded the fact he actually had to raise the specimens he made...

Actually their sentience was an accident! Draxum wanted mindless weapons (i physically cringed at that lol lfls gave me trauma), maybe pets, def not children. So at first he wasn't too happy with the outcome. But after realizing the possibilities their sentience opened, he was ecstatic, bragging to everyone that his experiment worked even better than planned.

He reads a lot of parenting books 👍

Barry has troubles with empathy, but he makes it up with a deep understanding of psychology and biology. He strives to bring out the most out of every turtle, so he tries to choose those training methods, that would actually WORK.

He read somewhere that children need physical touch at least four times a day to develop properly. He doesn't know what a hug is, so four times a day he just. Picks his children weapons up and holds them for a minute awkwardly. He eventually learned to be more casual when picking them up, but it took a while.

When the tots were still in their baby form, Draxum carried them on his shoulders instead of the gargoyles.

The tots really liked to sleep in the dog bed 🥺🥺 /bc of the fireplace/ Munnin and Huggin didn't mind, they either tried to squeeze themselves next to the turtles, or they just slept hanging upside down from something (like bats), keeping an eye on them.

They reclaim their bed happily when Draxum builds the tots a terrarium though.

Honestly those two go from evil henchmen to fulltime nannies in the matter of days and they enjoy it a lot, surpisingly.

The turtles enjoy Lou Jitsu movies very much, and they compare themselves to him all the time. He's basically their idol and they dream of meeting their DNA-dad. They idolize Lou even more than in canon, since they know that he's related to them from the get go.

Mike painted him on a cardboard. Now they have real life sized Lou Jitsu cardboard cutout just vibing around the house.

Draxum deems art an useless skill and a waste of time. So he and Mikey get into fights about it all the time.

Draxum may be emotionally distant, but he's much more interested in the boys' lives than Splinter ever was. Which, okay, it's good for the most part, but it shows to be problematic if his ideals don't align with the turtle's actions.

Donnie is his least favorite, only because he sees himself in the softshell too much and it makes him uncomfortable.

Mikey is his favorite, actually (because of the EXTREME potential he's hiding) but that just means he gets the most shit from Draxum, honestly.

The boys are muchhh much more rebellious and uh... morally questionable than in canon.

Remember lair games? Yeah. Remember when Leo accidentally caused Don to twist his ankle? Yeah. Let's just say, it wouldn't exactly be accidental in this AU.

Turtles have a deep dislike of humans, mostly caused by Draxum's views on them. They stick to the Undercity for the most part, unless they sneak out to NYC to cause some chaos. That's how they meet April, actually.

Yeah, they're not friends in this AU. Arch nemesis would be more accurate. Especially with Donnie. They hate each other with a burning passion.

"Stop mutating innocent citizens!!!" "Make me, hummie! (sfx: madman laugh)"

Yes turtles are personally involved in mutation of the villains from the show. I will not be elaborating.

Usagi and Gen are very important figures in this AU :DD probably as important as April and Splinter, honestly. (And i may or may not bring Jei into it as well... Still thinking about it)

I have more ideas but then this post would be insufferably long i mean its pretty long as it is

[bones-sprouts]

sobbing

[galacticrainbowsaz]

Reread this and it just reminded me how the games piss me off for two reasons.

1. When they do this shit and force NaruHina

And 2. I don't remember if it's in the first one, since it's set before Shippuden, but in 2, 3 and 4, if you pick Naruto and Hinata as a team, they have a unique team name (a lot of combos do that), and that team name grinds my gears every damn fucking time. Especially when you consider 2 came out before the anime, maybe even the manga, was done. That team name is;

Secret Lovers

THE HELL DO YOU MEAN?! ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THROUGH ALL 3 GAMES YOU ALREADY KNEW THE SHIP??? OR WERE YOU TRYING TO WILL THAT SHIT INTO CANON?!

Don't get me wrong, the games themselves are fucking great, but this kind of thing is just.. No.

Yuck

Can I just go on a rant about how much I hate them forcing naruhina down our throats? Like idk if you know about it, but there's a really popular naruto game for playstation called "naruto ultimate ninja storm", and there's 4 of them. The first one covers all of the events of part 1, the second one everything in shippuden up to the pain arc, the third one everything after that right before the war, and the fourth one is the whole war and the final fight. After the fourth one's events, they made some side quests in the adventure mode which briefly shows some of the characters lives after the war, but no one's story is as forced as hinata's. Not only can you not skip it like you can skip the others, but there's literally MULTIPLE small quests that have to do with her and ppl tryna pathetically force her and naruto together 😭 even SAI (??) to make things worse, sasuke, an objectively really important character both in the story and in naruto the MCs life, is nowhere to be seen. Ik he's traveling at this point but they could've easily shown him writing letters to naruto or maybe have naruto go on an adventure to meet him somewhere, but nope. Instead they have sakura playing matchmaker and telling naruto to take hinata around the world to different important places in naruto's life to show her his adventures (including the final valley!! that really pissed me off 😡) and the whole time naruto's just confused why he has to do alla that 😭 like that cringey quest not even working makes the whole thing even more annoying and pointless. It felt like they were kinda incorporating the last movie's storyline into the game. And the one with sai has him literally call hinata an angel and every other konoha girl the devil bc they dared to call out naruto's flaws, but good little missy hinata bug eyes princess hyuga kept finding good in every one of his bad flaws so she must be a sweet little angel 😭 she worships him like he's a God and they call it being in love. I mean naruto and sasuke are in love with each other and neither worships the other so 🥴 the quest was basically the konoha girls getting together to tell hinata about naruto's flaws so she can know him better if she wants to pursue a relationship with him. like the whole thing is so fucking cringey and weird idek where to begin with it. Like first of all who the fuck are all the girls tryna tell hinata about naruto as if they even know him that well? Besides sakura who still doesn't even know him well enough to give that kinda advice. But also why the hell is sai complimenting the hell out of hinata as if he even knows who she is? Like other than the last movie he has no idea who she is and canon shippuden sai is under the impression naruto's in love with sakura so it makes no sense for him to do this. Another one has hinata's sister analyzing naruto to see if he's good for her and once again naruto's just confused. In fact he doesn't even know who she is until she tells him and he realizes they look alike 😂 This whole thing is so obviously the very definition of forced. First we have to witness her in canon and now I can't even play a game peacefully without miss "n-n-n-n-n-n-naruto-kun 👉🏻👈🏻" or other ppl praising her highness being shoved down my throat 🙄 I like that they made naruto confused the whole time tho, at least that was ic. Wish sasuke was in it more tho. I'm glad at least they didn't have that happen to him cuz that would be too far for me 😭 I don't wanna have to witness weirdos approaching sasuke to shove sakura up his ass like they do with poor naruto. Anyway rant over, I'm gonna read narusasu fics to fill the hole in my heart now :/

Hi <3

“Can I just go on a rant about how much I hate them forcing naruhina down our throats? Like idk if you know about it, but there's a really popular naruto game for playstation called "naruto ultimate ninja storm", and there's 4 of them. The first one covers all of the events of part 1, the second one everything in shippuden up to the pain arc, the third one everything after that right before the war, and the fourth one is the whole war and the final fight.”

Ofc, you can always come and rant <;3 (I myself had to hold back so much to not go on a major Hinata rant after reading this though 😒) Ah yes, I actually planned to play the fourth one and the one that’s coming out (storm connections). Other then having seen some gameplay and trailers I’m not too familiar with the games yet.. I do find it interesting that they always exploit teen-SNS for promotional material even if their adult-selves are the subject of the promotion and how Naruto's always next to his son when they're around the same age, lol.

“After the fourth one's events, they made some side quests in the adventure mode which briefly shows some of the characters lives after the war, but no one's story is as forced as hinata's. Not only can you not skip it like you can skip the others, but there's literally MULTIPLE small quests that have to do with her and ppl tryna pathetically force her and naruto together 😭 even SAI (??) “

You can skip sq’s except for Hinata’s 🥲? Well, I’ve never seen ‘the Last’, but that’s exactly what they do in that movie, right? The entire plot is to force a version of a dumbed down Naruto that suddenly lacks all development and emotional intelligence for the sake of miss princess to then “screw” (Boruto; bolt) them together through Naruto's utter confusion and canon retcon because he'd never otherwise, lmao it’s so pathetic. Instead of giving us a proper blank period story they come with this bs. So I’m guessing the story in the game went the same direction... 

“like that cringey quest not even working makes the whole thing even more annoying and pointless. It felt like they were kinda incorporating the last movie's storyline into the game.”

Ah yeah. 

“to make things worse, sasuke, an objectively really important character both in the story and in naruto the MCs life, is nowhere to be seen. Ik he's traveling at this point but they could've easily shown him writing letters to naruto or maybe have naruto go on an adventure to meet him somewhere, but nope."

He is canonically just as important as Naruto to tell the story (harmony), but do you really think that if they've actually shown Naruto meeting up with Sasuke during the blank period that it's then possible in any way to make the sequel happen the way it is now and force every traumatized-from-war-etc-19yo to marry and have babies as quickly as possible? No.

Every time I start typing the reasons why I end up ranting so I gave up, but you'll understand why, yes? 😆 Too much happens when they're around each other, both in text, subtext, body language and emotion. If you want anyone to believe Naruto and Sasuke are happily married with wives (they're not happy) then they should avoid this. Alas.

"Instead they have sakura playing matchmaker and telling naruto to take hinata around the world to different important places in naruto's life to show her his adventures (including the final valley!! that really pissed me off 😡) and the whole time naruto's just confused why he has to do alla that 😭” 

Nooo ffs! Poor Naruto!!!!!! 😩😩 But yeah, this does sound like the things I read about her movie where Sakura plays matchmaker so her and Hinata can 'help' each other (sure girlie, well played), where she smacks Naruto and calls him an 'idiot' idek how many times because they are trying to tell him he's in love with someone he's not... ... but VotE??? They really went there huh? (literally) 😒 Lol I’m just imagining Naruto talking excitedly about Sasuke or even Iruka during his tour, because anything important has nothing to do with her personally 😆 “oh yeah, I had my first kiss in class... it was with 🥰Sasuke🥰 actually, but you know where that is... aaaand here we are in the middle of Konoha, hehe, Hinata remember you wanted to commit suicide here for your own sake because you wanted me to acknowledge you for a minute? Except you disregarded everything else because you knew you didn't stand a chance anyway and you didn't mind trading that one minute of selfishness for the life of your Hyuuga-slave who would lose his head for you disobeying him and putting yourself in danger? And also ignoring what I and everyone else said and wished for because you just had to be so fucking selfish.... uh, your own words hehe, and you didn’t give a shit if I would feel guilty for the rest of my life for seeing a friend die in front of me, for my sake because you were the only one not trusting me? Even though I was in despair for not having an answer to the Akatsuki for a responsibility dumped on me, ah! Not because I wouldn't be able to do anything but you clearly don't have any faith me at all which is something I struggle with a lot because I want everyone to trust me y'know? Like the village does now... at least my power.. :/ ... I mean I guess.... and also because my trauma caused me to bear this responsibility of keeping what I thought was my only source of acknowledgement (the villagers) safe until I met Iruka and Sasuke, but then you said "fuck all!!!"... yeah no I almost heard you say it hehehe and it almost caused me to kill the entire village if it wasn't for my dead father????? Yeah HAHAHAaa eh, anyway let's move on. Oh! Over there, when I was with 🥰Sasuke 🥹🥰, lemme tall you about 🥰Sasukeeeee🥰-”

“And the one with sai has him literally call hinata an angel and every other konoha girl the devil bc they dared to call out naruto's flaws, but good little missy hinata bug eyes princess hyuga kept finding good in every one of his bad flaws so she must be a sweet little angel 😭 she worships him like he's a God and they call it being in love. I mean naruto and sasuke are in love with each other and neither worships the other so 🥴 the quest was basically the konoha girls getting together to tell hinata about naruto's flaws so she can know him better if she wants to pursue a relationship with him. like the whole thing is so fucking cringey and weird idek where to begin with it. Like first of all who the fuck are all the girls tryna tell hinata about naruto as if they even know him that well? Besides sakura who still doesn't even know him well enough to give that kinda advice.” 

Oml. Here I went off-topic initially to complain about the villagers of Konoha who bad-mouth Naruto and all.. but we get how ridiculous it is that they are the ones thinking they know anything about Naruto when he represses everything for other people's sakes, right? Right. Also, lol, not only does Naruto have to give her an entire tour, she also goes to a Ted-talk to learn about him 😆? Isn't it the other way around in that movie where Naruto is stuck in a genjutsu (which is impossible at that point/retcon) to get a power point presentation about her to brainwash his dumbed-down self? "You love Hinata 101" That's kinda funny ngl. Girlie stalked his ass her entire life and only steps out of the shadow if she can profit from it in terms of acknowledgement and yet even after they are married knows nothing about him nor can say much about him to Boruto and leaves that task to Sasuke because she only knows what everyone else knows which is nothing more past the superficial surface HA!

“But also why the hell is sai complimenting the hell out of hinata as if he even knows who she is? Like other than the last movie he has no idea who she is and canon shippuden sai is under the impression naruto's in love with sakura so it makes no sense for him to do this. Another one has hinata's sister analyzing naruto to see if he's good for her and once again naruto's just confused. In fact he doesn't even know who she is until she tells him and he realizes they look alike 😂”

Well yeah, what do we expect from Sai.... Ajgharoguhwrgj I've seen things about characters 'doubting' whether Naruto is good 'enough' for princess Hinata even though... *gestures aggressively at the Manga*. They're used as mere trophies at this point :/

“This whole thing is so obviously the very definition of forced. First we have to witness her in canon and now I can't even play a game peacefully without miss "n-n-n-n-n-n-naruto-kun 👉🏻👈🏻" or other ppl praising her highness being shoved down my throat 🙄 I like that they made naruto confused the whole time tho, at least that was ic. Wish sasuke was in it more tho. I'm glad at least they didn't have that happen to him cuz that would be too far for me 😭 I don't wanna have to witness weirdos approaching sasuke to shove sakura up his ass like they do with poor naruto. Anyway rant over, I'm gonna read narusasu fics to fill the hole in my heart now :/“

Yep, but yeah I personally am happy that Sasuke is not made to be a part of that including the parts in Naruto's life that should've been a happy memory when they all end up in a disaster. That would've been contradictory would he have been by his side. I know many people have disagreed with me in the past but I stand by what I said; seeing them both miserable makes sense. It's also not what I wanted, but at least those parts are IC given we're already at this point. I don't want to bore you with a lot of marketing talk, but this is all part of its strategy. Kishimoto is the author and creator of the original Manga, but he isn't a businessman. Nor are the people in business necessarily storytellers. Professional storytellers (except for Jun Esaka, 'author' of retsuden, who's probably someone's niece or something) are hired to accomplish a goal. Everything beyond the original story goes through an entire web of business-related processes which by itself has nothing to with Kishimoto or the story but is often designed to expand a franchise and doing anything possible to make members of the audience into consumers and active participants to broaden the experience. Hence why games and such are media channels used for 'exclusive' content. These are considered a part of what we call content-mapping and they usually separate goals or subjects that need extra attention... Also, bet most of you didn't know that 'the Last' came with over 30 different types of exclusive merch and even 2 separate books to boost Hinata :') It's insane really. The main character isn't the main priority because it depends on the strategy.. which is kinda really screwed when you think about it because I do wonder how it would've played out if Naruto and Sasuke were 🥹 So yeah, it all makes sense, but it's not fun. Hope you were able to find some good fics though *-*🧡

[absolutelynotsanebaby]

100 years AU

someone’s missing....

AU info under cut

Basically, do to destiny shenanigans, the ninja get pulled back into thier element (seabound style) but due to the circumstances it goes...not super well. Starting with Nya, they wake up 100 years later.

I’m still working out the kinks and shit of this au so this is all a little shaky, but here’s what I imagine what everyone’s doing during that 100 years.

- Nya’s traveling around the sea and ends up a....sort of sea monster myth. she sinks a lot of boats. In the order of who was dragged away to [gestures] its cole --> jay ---> zane ---> kai ---> nya ---> lloyd. So by the time it hit Nya, she was already full of grief so that manifested in the whole...sinking boats and shit. shes lightly inspired by Umibōzu. 

- Kai has a similar thing going on with Nya actually, all that unchecked rage and grief manifested in him basically being a very scary, very fire-y warlord. 

-Skipping Lloyd for now, Jay is basically the equivalent of a trickster god lmao. spends his year terrorizing villages and zapping bitches. The order of who turns human again is Nya ---> Kai ---> Jay ---> Cole ---> Zane ---> lloyd (its just backwards) and I like to think Kai and Nya where like “he’s gonna be hard to find, he’s in the sky.” and the nearly get zapped by his ass lmao.

- Cole...he was the first to go so he spent a lot of his time just. in the ground. at one point he came back up and holed up in a small cave near his dads home and slowly made a very intricate cave system of his own. Nya, Kai, and Jay nearly die just trying to find him.

- Now I like parallels so Zane here is like...if the ice emperor was okay almost. He just holed up in an ice labyrinth and the locals just kinda dubbed him an ice king. King of a snow queen thing. 

- circling back to lloyd...the reason he’s not there is cause he wasn’t. really whole. He kinda spread into the winds as energy. So to bring him back they kinda....pulled it all together again. 

- Wu, Pixal, and Garmadon are still around. 

- no I have not watched dragons rising or whatever its called so considering this AU canon divergence or whatever lmao.

- Bruise and Pixane are the only ships here. Screw me I love Bruise they’re too sillay.

[mo-ok]

A little over halfway there, heres every hero I've met so far

❤️💙💛 a very brief and deeply serious word about every season 🩷🖤💚

( x x x x x x x x x )

Denziman: Scooby Doo but the dog is kind of an asshole 10/10 tits out Kenji Ohba

Goggle V: the most standard, normal sentai you will ever watch 10/10 lemme just red ruby beam that for u real quick

Dynaman: YUME WO KANAETE 🧨 DYNAMAAAAAAAAN 10/10 im fully convinced the black clone technique is just a thing Junichi Haruta can do

Bioman: this show is about ONE THING and thats MIKA JUN YABUKI 10/10 sexual lady saturday

Changeman: im not ok thanks for asking 10/10 im eating glass over this show

Flashman: OOF. OUCH. OUGH. 10/10 this one hurts

Liveman: OOF. OUCH. OUGH. 10/10 friends how could you

Fiveman: anyone that says this is the worst one hasnt actually watched it 10/10 sibling teachers save me. Save me sibling teachers

Dairanger: best suits in the franchise 10/10 dont let his baby face fool you that boy is ripped AND shredded

Kakuranger: 30th anniversery ending dance 10/10 silly ninja show is very very good actually

Carranger: red racer x Zonnette otp otp otp 10/10 let your kids play outside or else they'll become cops

Megaranger: they were just kids man they shouldnt have had to deal with all that 10/10 show me the silly man in the shiny jacket please

Gingaman: you know what? Maybe i WILL throw myself on the ground and lie in the sun for a while 10/10 kuro kishi Hyuuga

GoGoV: Matoi is there have you met Matoi he's a wanker bastard and i love him 10/10 killing the dad with hammers

Gaoranger: if you wanna feel like sentai is being beamed directly into ur brain watch this one 10/10 oh my god. Oh my god.

Hurricaneger: this one is a BL in disguise 10/10 Yousuke x Ikkou 4eva

Magiranger: some of the best monster and mech designs in the franchise 10/10 i love this magical family with my whole heart

Boukenger: my go to recommendation tbh 10/10 adventure for treasure boukenger START UP 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

Gekiranger: KEEP MOVING. DONT MAKE ME STOP. 10/10 if you want plot and character progression watch this one

Go-Onger: now THIS is super sentai 1000000/10 you should watch rpm as well. Watching both increases the enjoyment 1000%

Kyoryuger: dancing dinosaurs. Very good. You agree 10/10 otp confirmed after 10 year wait

ToQger: OOF. OUCH. OUGH. 10/10 just watch it dont look anything up just watch it

Zyuohger: most misunderstood and overhated season tbh 10/10 the characters are meant to be like that. Its kinda the central theme of the show. Stop being mean to Misao

Kyuranger: my first sentai 🥰 10/10 houou soldier is a change dragon reference

Kiramager: if Boukenger doesnt catch ur fancy this one would also be a good place to start 10/10 i'll take outdated meme for 100 thanks Grant

King Ohger: in a word? Ambitious. 10/10 you can go to the quarry. As a treat.

Boonboomger: TBD ❤️💙🩷🖤🧡💜

[whorbidmore]

okay, so, I've fallen victim to the leon kennedy brainrot steadily overtaking me, following me from Tumblr to Pinterest, to Instagram and even the absolutely fucking dreaded application of TikTok. I don't even use it that often??? and the algorithm is just like 'wow, yeah, this little fuckers gay as hell send in the 40 year old meow meow!!' and having watched Death Island fairly recently, I'm gonna have my opinions on what this dude would be like. Cus my brain loves to rationalize shit and think ab 'what if this mf was someone real?' so... fuck it.

Leon Soft Kennedy Headcanons

SFW

accidentally bigoted. - im sorry but let's be so fucking real here. he's a 40 something year old man who spent the majority of his life in either the military, a police training academy in the 90's, or otherwise working under the U.S Federal System with minimal/no time between missions to unpack absolutely everything he's got going on... the guys gonna have some problematic tendencies. Obviously that doesn't mean he means any of that or is incapable of change, etc. etc., but I know for damn certain this dude would laugh a little at Bill Burr's borderline to blatantly misogynistic material and has probably chuckled unironically at the attack helicopter jokes. But, he's not a complete dick, and would definitely become more critical of those kinds of jokes if it's pointed out to him.

honest to God, Dad Without Kids™ - it's not simply enough for me to leave it at 'but it's the vibes!!' so, I'm gonna break this shit down. Leon is absolutely Gen X incarnate. I can fucking guarantee you that on his off days he accidentally ends up dressing as an undercover cop; I'm talking cargo shorts, light blue button up, those fucking standard issue boots cus "they're perfectly good shoes" and those stupid ass sunglasses... you know the ones I'm talking about. Let's say you're living with him, right? And you're... you, and you wanna watch something on TV. This dude would strain himself getting up like a turtle fallen backwards on its shell, stand up, walk right in front of the TV screen and stand there with his hands on his hips. It doesn't matter that he had to piss, he needs to get a better look of what's happening! Does those really loud, obnoxious coughs and sneezes, absolutely blows his back out doing one at least five times a year.

Only watches British Reality TV - Considering he's canonically a film buff, I'll say that this is purely for whatever he gravitates towards on general streaming services. I honestly don't see him being the type to regularly tune in to standard American cable TV, or only does so under specific circumstances like American Ninja Warrior or maybe Forged in Fire if there's absolutely nothing else. It's not something that's exclusive to Americans, — I'm from New Zealand and I do this too, — but Leon absolutely falls into the category of watching British Reality and Game shows purely because of the accents. I'm talking Jeremy Kyle, The Big Fat Quiz of Everything, Taskmaster, The Great British Bake Off and so on and so forth. It doesn't matter that baking isn't his forté or a passion of his, if Josephine curdles her buttercream by over mixing, his hands are in his hair in utter disappointment. 100% tries to mimic their accents too. We all do it, don't lie.

Has... very dated music tastes - I don't know if you could guess, but the last paragraph included me calling myself out and name dropping some shows I watch anyway or grew up watching, and I'm just saying that this is gonna be no different. If anything? This'll be worse! Since I'm very passionate about the music I listen to and have the inability to keep my interests separated from the other, of course my love of particular bands will bleed over into my interpretation of Leon's character! Anyway, all that for me to say that Leon fucking LOVES 90's grunge musicians, specifically Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, as well as early nu metal bands like Korn (their dubstep phase did not happen.), TOOL, and Rage Against the Machine — and no, he unfortunately doesn't see the irony of him being a fed and listening to Rage, — but would also have a soft spot for psych rock, post-punk and shoegaze. My man's definitely laid awake at night, sobbing without expression as he struggles to accept that Ada never really wanted him like he wanted her while listening to fucking Slowdive. My hottest take here is that he doesn't really listen to Deftones. Like he'll occasionally blast My Own Summer, Change, Bored or Rosemary, but anything outside of those? He just didn't listen to 'em. My second hottest take is that he does NOT like Slipknot, which kind of pains me 'cus I do, but I fucking bet you this dude would actually adopt one piece of "Gen Z lingo" or whatever just call them cringe. Though admittedly he would've been jamming the fuck out to Psychosocial and The Devil in I when they came out. Went off the deep end in Vendetta, obviously, and drunk-cried himself to sleep on the couch listening to Linkin Park.

Very confusing spending habits - On one hand, we all understand that Leon came from money, — he was implied to have been born into a mob family from my understanding? And I doubt he'd ever really had to worry about being fully, irrevocably broke, — but I'm sure that growing up in the U.S Foster Care System made him at least a little more cautious of where his money comes from, where it's going, what he's spending it on, etc. So, on the one hand, he's apprehensive to spend recklessly, particularly on perishables. But also, if he can drop over $100,000USD on a motorcycle that got absolutely fucking cheese grated into the road, and spend a perceived, metric fuck ton of money on designer leather jackets and massive watches, it's gonna be hard for me to call him 'financially conscious'. On one hand, he gets apprehensive on spending more money than he needs to on food since he's "just gonna shit it out later", but if he sees a cool watch or a nice suit in a shop window? Money's suddenly not an issue! Not because he's materialistic, but because the one thing he really maintains a sense of control over in his life are his possessions and the way he dresses. The D.S.O can call him in for another months long mission whenever they please, and all he can realistically do is allow the government to tug on his leash and put him where he's needed. He may as well spend their money on things he wants!

Gets out... enough? But also, not really? - So, personally I've pegged Leon as more of an introverted person, — amateurly typed his MBTI as possibly ISFJ? — so he doesn't really feel the need to go out and meet new people or really hang out with anyone. If somebody invites him out? Sure, he'll go. Otherwise, it rarely occurs to him to meet up with friends or colleagues at a cafe or anywhere. I think he'd prefer to just go there alone, mostly for the sake of having somebody else cook for him as opposed to actively seeking out the atmosphere. It's pure convience in his mind. And remember when I said in the beginning about him accidentally being at least a little misogynistic? Yeah, that was me trying to say that he regularly tries to hit on younger waitresses. Not because he actually wants anything to do with them, but simply because it's an ego boost. He likes that he can make girls half his age blush or offer him their numbers, because it tells him that he's still desirable, and ultimately, that gives him the power to reject them politely and go about the rest of his day. If they don't reject him first, of course. Admittedly, Leon's audacity towards women peaked during Infinite Darkness.

Since I'm planning on posting more NSFW headcanons for this guy, — and more NSFW kinds of posts, — here is the obligatory Minors DNI attachment. For your own safety, I don't care if what I have to say is tame so far, you can hold it off I promise.

[eddiemunson-reader-shame]

Good Morning Hawkins I Have Dad!Eddie Munson Headcanons

Why are we as a society not talking about Stay At Home Dad Eddie?

I know we want our little domestic fantasies. But this man consistently says “fuck the system” every day. No forced conformity in this private domicile.

If you’ve got the drive to want to work after having the kid, he volunteers to stay home and take care of the baby.

Honestly, with his reputation it might be easier should you decide to stay in Hawkins because you’re the face of the relationship. It might actually be harder for him to find a job in town than it might be for you.

He also 100% cleans up his act, stops selling, and goes on the straight and narrow after having a kid. He doesn’t want baby reaching into cabinets and getting into things they shouldn’t get into.

He may still sell a little grass on the side, but he keeps it hidden in the van where little fingers can’t access it.

Eddie might not be the best housekeeper, but god dammit he tries. Like, he will genuinely try over and over to get things right even if it kills him. You don’t have to worry about weaponized incompetence with him.

He’ll start having favorite brands of cleaning products, favorite brands of formula and diapers, and he might get fussy if you bring the wrong ones home.

He’s a nerd. Plain and simple. He’ll be picking up Dustin in the van and taking little munchkin to the library to find any kind of book in relation to parenting, cooking, etc.

I can see Eddie actually becoming a very competent cook. He even makes the kid’s meals into fun little shapes for their lunchboxes.

Fun finger foods is his main staple when he’s not being Betty Crocker.

Literally does not care how he looks, he’ll push the most dolled up little stroller around Hawkins in broad daylight. He’ll wander out to Bradley’s in a polkadot apron and a pink baby sling. And when the kid is old enough to play salon with daddy, he’s gonna wander out in public with anything from pink scrunchies and glitter polish to a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack and magic marker on his face.

I can see Eddie being a little shit and purposely buying the most girly pink items for the baby when they’re little, no matter the gender.

He likes wearing pink in public. It pisses off the conservative parents who see him and the kid coming.

The only thing is you have to have a serious talk with him about is smoking around the kid, because Eddie’s one flaw may be that he’s got the propensity to be a cigarette mom. (It’s the late 80’s, and this was reality for a lot of older Millennials.)

So throw away his Camels and pay Dustin to tail him with a fire extinguisher.

Dustin is going to be Parent Number 3 in this relationship. I’m sorry but it’s reality.

Has absolutely no idea how to take care of a baby but is willing to learn.

Eddie would probably have to reschedule D&D nights with his buddies, because money would be hella tight now that the two of you have a little gremlin and one income. So you can’t exactly pay a sitter.

But he loves to make campaigns based on the stories he tells to the baby during bedtime.

RIP to y’all but once you have that baby, Uncle Wayne’s gonna refuse to let you and Eddie move out. He’s gonna change his work schedule too so he can spend time with the baby.

It would probably take a lot of overtime and a bit of Eddie’s extra side hustle, but the single wide is eventually going to get upgraded to a two bedroom double wide.

Uncle Wayne will insist on giving you, Eddie and the baby the master bedroom. Hell, he might even try to give the kid his bedroom.

Eddie is going to fucking refuse to let his uncle sleep in the living room of the new double wide.

Eddie might also become a little codependent on the kid. School will be a nightmare, because he’ll suddenly be alone in the trailer all day and chain smoke waiting for the kiddo to come home from school.

[astro-can]

ninjago headcannons

RONIN VERSION BECAUSE I LOVE HIM

In the game, Ronin is mentioned to have a wife and a daughter. Unfortunately this isn't canon in the real timeline but I am in LOVE with the idea of father Ronin.

100% girl dad. This is why he looked after nya when she was manifesting her abilities.

sure, he's a huge dick and pain in the ass sometimes but you know what he isn't? A BAD DAD

"MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!" "HELL YEAH LETS GET MCDONALDS" *buys 25 happy meals*

he is so dilf core

i mean what

who said that

he's got huge fatherly instincts. Yeah, he usually dgaf when the ninja are in trouble (unless money is involved) but if one of them aren't feeling very good and he happens to notice that, he goes into father mode

nya is feeling left out because she's the only girl? Ronin hears out all her rants and introduces her to his own daughter (who happens to be the same age) and they go on shopping dates together

cole is having trouble controlling his ghost abilities? Ronin gives tips and helps him concentrate (albeit a little harshly), but in the end, cole really improves keeping himself stable

zane short-circuits and starts malfunctioning? Ronin is immediately pulling out his toolbox and fixes him, even adding in premium things like data and upgrades PIXEL for him

jay wants to impress nya? Ronin (begrudgingly) lets him fly REX and lets him take nya on cool flying dates. (...but if jay breaks something, he's banned forever. it hasn't happened yet, but it probably will.)

kai needs to burn off some steam because he's stressed? Ronin brings him to a junkyard and gives him unsupervised access to firecrackers, flamethrowers, small bombs, etc etc and tells him to go wild (see below)

lloyd is feeling upset and guilty? Ronin sits him down and gives him therapy. sure, a bit rough on the sides and he still makes snarky remarks, but makes sure that lloyd hears what he needs to hear. it leaves lloyd feeling a lot better about himself.

Ronin's family is sort of a Spy x Family type thing. He's a thief, and his wife pretends to work as an employee at city hall but she's actually receiving secret missions from the government. they aren't exactly rich, so they both need to work dirty jobs to get money. they end up finding out about each other's identity but they laugh it off and help each other with missions sometimes.

Ronin's daughter is a lot like nya. she's a machine fanatic, good at judo, can steal your wallet in an instant, and insanely smart. she's very aware of what her parents' real jobs are but keeps her mouth shut bc she loves them both and knows that theyre doing it to keep her alive.

her dad disappears for days or weeks at a time but he always comes back with her fave things (probably speckled with blood but she doesn't care) and makes sure to spend time with her afterwards, so all's good.

ANYWAY

THAT CONCLUDES MY HAPPY RONIN HEADCANONS

[mouwrites]

Hi can I request male reader X the ninja (not nya sorry) headcanons jsut the reader being protective of his boyfriend

Please and thank you 💖💖

Sure thing, friend! :D

Ninjago - Ninjas When You're Being Protective

Kai

You guys were out on a date at a noodle parlor, just minding your business

You stepped away for a moment to refill your drink, and Kai managed to get himself in an argument with another customer while you were gone

To be fair, the other guy initiated it

He recognized the famous ninja and decided to be a degenerate

He was talking down to Kai pretty harshly, and Kai was struggling to defend his honor

It was getting more and more difficult to come up with comebacks as his anger rose and his pride deflated

You just about dropped your drink when you came back to see the two going at it

You stepped in immediately, barely stopping to think

"This your boyfriend? Way out of your league, fire boy-"

"Sorry, do we know you? I think I'd remember a stench like that—yeesh, by the way—but it'd be impolite not to at least ask."

Both Kai and his assailant's jaws dropped open

The guy turned bright red with anger, trying to stutter out a response before giving up with a frustrated grunt and storming off

You watched him leave, scowling bitterly

When he was finally gone, you turned to Kai to check on him

You expected him to be upset, but he was smiling

"Are you okay, Kai?"

"Am I okay? Are you kidding? That was awesome! Did you see his face?"

You blushed a little, joining in his hysterical laughter

Kai wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you in to kiss your cheek, telling you how lucky he felt to have someone like you on his side

Jay

Jay had just finished fixing up a vintage motorcycle, a project he'd been working on for a long time

You didn't really trust the janky contraption; no matter how much Jay insisted that it was safe, you swore it looked like it was about to collapse

But you hated to stomp on his sandcastle, so you just watched while he poured gas into the tank for a test drive

Tapping your foot nervously, you decided that you couldn't just stand there

You wandered around the garage, gathering protective gear

You had a helmet, some shin guards, elbow pads, and a biking jacket when you approached Jay

He glanced at you once, then did a double-take when he saw what was in your arms

"Y/n, I am not wearing all that."

"And I am not letting you ride that timebomb without any protection."

Seeing that firm look in your eyes (which he not-so-secretly loved), Jay knew there was no winning

Though he'd never admit it, he actually liked when you were stern, even when it was directed at him

He sighed, letting you put the gear on him

You felt a lot better, but you still insisted on following behind on your own motorbike

As it turned out, you were right; you got about 100 feet out of the garage before the old bike's tire went flying, sending Jay straight to the asphalt

You ran to Jay's side, letting your own bike fall in your haste

He just smiled awkwardly up at you

"Uh... oops? Good thing you made me wear the gear, haha..."

You laughed, kissing the top of his head; you were just glad he was safe

And he was glad that you, like always, were looking out for him :)

Cole

This was way back when Cole still had a rough relationship with his dad

You managed to convince him to let you meet his father, though you could tell that he wasn't exactly excited

But you made sure to let him know how much you appreciated it

At first, you didn't see the problem

His dad seemed totally cordial and pleasant, if not a little rigid

The issue presented itself pretty quickly, however

You were sitting on the couch, catching up and getting to know each other

Cole was being weirdly cagey about his own life, so his father took the lead in the conversation

"You know, Cole used to be a really good dancer. Of course, there was a lot of room for improvement, haha! Oh, you should've seen his tumbling skills... the boy could hardly land a cartwheel."

You didn't like the way he was looking at Cole when he said it; you knew you had to do something, but you still wanted to respect Cole's privacy

"You don't know what you're talking about. Cole does flips, backflips, twists, turns—you should see him now."

Cole blinked at you, as did his father

The latter tried to laugh it off awkwardly, making some vague comment about Cole's continuance in dancing school

But, quite frankly, you'd seen enough

You ended the visit as politely as you could

Cole was still staring at you as you walked away

"What? I didn't like how he was talking about you, so I retaliated. Was that so wrong?"

Cole just smiled, draping an arm around you with a satisfied sigh

"No, it was actually kind of funny. And brave. I'm glad you said it."

He was more than glad; no way he would've stood up for himself in front of his father, so he was grateful that you were there

Zane

You guys were on a mission in an extremely remote town

The place barely had street lamps; needless to say, it was far from technologically advanced

You made a pit-stop for snacks at a run down little convenience store

You walked in first, looking ahead at the handful of aisles filled with dusty (probably expired) snacks you didn't recognize

You almost didn't notice the man at the counter by the door, but he spoke up rather loudly

He pointed to Zane, who was following close behind you

He said something about not serving "his kind"

That almost did it for you, but you decided to give him the benefit of the doubt

"What do you mean 'his kind'?"

"Robots, buddy. Beep-boops. You know, the things with no souls that take over every town and household they come into? Not. Welcome. Here."

You turned to face him, your expression hardening

Zane tried to stop you, insisting that he could just wait outside

"They're smart, I'll give 'em that. Say, while you're at it, why don't you go back to whatever evil over-industrialized decrepit city you came from!"

"Okay, that's it. I'm not going to stand here and let you insult a person who's got ten times more intellect and twenty times more soul than you'll ever have. Come on, Zane, our business is clearly not wanted here."

You held up the cash for him to see as you left, and the man behind the counter opened his mouth to try and get you to stay

Zane let you cool off a little, following silently while you stormed down the street

When you finally calmed down enough to ask if he was okay, he told you that he was just proud that you handled the situation civilly

He doesn't like violence, so he particularly admired your gentleness (he knew you could've been a lot meaner, and he's glad you weren't)

And that, though he hadn't really been offended, he found it endearing that you stood up for him

He squeezed your hand affectionately as you both continued down the dusty sidewalk

Lloyd

It was almost impossible to go anywhere with Lloyd without being stopped by a fan

You'd grown used to it; if anything, you were happy that so many people appreciated Lloyd

So you'd stand on the sidelines, smiling patiently while they got a photo and an autograph

But every now and again you'd get stopped by someone who wasn't a fan

You were just out for a walk when one such person stopped you

Actually, it was a group of men, hatred twinkling in their eyes

They came so close that the one at the front was just about nose-to-nose with Lloyd

"You think you're all that, huh? Just because you've got some fancy powers and you've 'saved the city,' you think you're so much better than everyone else?"

"Uh... no?"

"Tch, sure, play dumb. I miss the days when the police would take care of us. You didn't see us parading cops down the street and selling action figures of them! That's because they were humble!"

The men behind him were nodding aggressively, shouting their agreement and praise for cops

Your face twitched distastefully, and you wedged yourself between the front man and Lloyd

"I'd speak a little more respectfully to the guy who saved you from the literal personification of evil. Multiple times, mind you."

The guy's eyes narrowed; he clearly hadn't expected any pushback

He scoffed, making sure to step on your toe as he turned to storm off

Lloyd grabbed your shoulder groundingly, giving you a look that begged you to let them go

He thanked you for your support though, sliding his hand down your arm to hold your hand

He never really knew how to deal with haters, so he truly did appreciate you stepping in

(and he's lowkey hoping you will in the future too...)

Aaa I hope this was okay!! Thank you so much for this request, I had fun writing it! And thanks for reading, take care cuddle bears <33

(divider by saradika)

[written-beyond-the-grave]

Taking the Mikaelsons to a Concert

IK a bitch was gone, but a bitch is back… sparingly. I been on tumblr doing my shit but ummm I started this shit while in highschool like sophomore year… It’s been a year since I graduated college…. Anyway, fuck it we ball bc someone needs ot get this shit wet first with the Mikaelson’s… shout out to @starlightandfairies @wholoveseggs @klausysworld for holding it down. I love everyones work, y'all be feeding the fandom

If it’s snowin’ I ain’t going… leggo (once again, I write this for niggas. Mwah, to freedom)

So primarily I feel like the Mikaelsons would all be down to going to a concert, I mean Nicki, Doja, Lil Nas X, Mariah the Scientist, Chloe Bailey, Drake, Jhene Aiko, Victoria Monet, the Weekend, Kendrick Lamar, Travis Scott--- you get the point. You are the object of their desires and affections so they’ll go…. But what will ensue???

KLAUS

For nosey bitches in the back I got y’all…. This is Klaus finally biting the bullet and taking you to a Nicki concert, the Pink Friday 2 tour!

First, it would take hella time to even get him to go, this man is busy running lives, making hybrids, acting like he a real active party in whatever council shit he bullied his way into in New Orleans, and like running Rebekah’s love life…. He be busy 

He probably feels like he should take you out for something, so he asks you what you want. Anything your heart wants he’ll give it no problem: private helicopter tour of NYC, a week in Brazil, couples massage, hell even go see puffins up in Iceland. But you know what your bitch ass asks for?

To see Onika Tanya Maraj…. As you should

This man is staring at you like “Love… who is that?” And you look at him and tell him “Nicki Minaj, Nicki Lewinski, Nicki the Ninja, Nicki the Boss, Nicki The Harajuku Barbie…. Have you not learned????” And he just stares at you in amusement like ‘it’s no Mozart, you modern women have such…. Vulgar tastes… but I will endorse this, for you my love”

Wait till he gets there AHAHAHAAAAA

You’re pulled up in all your glory, pink everything, sunnies on, gloss on, heels as big as his dick… And you know I don’t think Klaus would ever let you put him in pink spandex. But I think he’ll allow like a shirt of Nicki’s face on him, and like maybe a barbie chain on his neck… He’s a hybrid, he can’t be seen out like this (you def sent photos to the rest of the family of this). 

I feel like Klaus would be chill af with the crowds and shit, until bitches start getting rowdy when Roman comes on stage. I feel like he’ll just be vibing, but mostly looking at you as you lose your shit 

“A 100 MUTHAFUCKA CAN’T TELL ME NOTHING, I BEEZ IN THE TRAP”... bby chill, you’ll sweat that wig off and it’ll slip back. But deadass, it’s like another beast when she comes out and it activates something in you. Like the regular old human that Klaus knew of is gone, and is replaces by a bad bitch that would definitely put her shoe on his neck and he likes that

Funny enough, there is one song that Klaus would know all the words to… Moment for Life-- HEAR MY OUT, DAMN. Ok, the song is about literally getting everything you want and being at a point where no one can touch you or even fathom to be at your height of success or clout. Klaus Mikaelson gets whatever he wants, no one touches him-- or if they do, they won’t live long enough to tell the tale. King shit, so imagine your surprise when you hear this man over everyone else singing along and being into it

Yeah, did that shit. “What I tell 'em hoes? Bow, bow, bow to me, drop down to ya knees” Drake type man…. And towards the end just reminisce of all the people, woman, children, and villages he pillaged to get where he is now… mentally deranged, having a god complex and inferiority complex at the same damn time, and daddy issues while treating his siblings like his own dad LMFAOOOO

Good luck Klaus whores

And then when she starts bringing in old shit like the songs with Sean Kingston or Gyptian…. Oh boy, I know that man is catching a whine as you yell at him “YOU’RE SO PRETTY AND YOU’RE NICE YUH DUN KNO SEH NICKI AS YO WIFE” Ik you bitches telling Klaus exactly that and putting emphasis on wife bc where tf this Icelandic viking silverback think he going????

But as the show goes on, it’s a cute experience between you two as you guys kinda switch roles and you get to be super unhinged and rock out with the other people there and go bar for bar. Like you couldn’t fuck Michael Kors if you was FUCKIN’ Michael Kors

dabs sweat off my forehead

He’s happy to take you home and baby you when you come from the energy drop, but he will be wondering were that energy comes from bc you ain’t putting all that work in when he fucks you soooooo

REBEKAH

Ok so for this one…. Give me a Lil Nas X, Doja Cat, and Rico Nasty ass collab in a concert (bc that’s my dream lineup and y’all can take all my money). I feel like Rebekah needs the girl power and the gays for this so let me cook

I deadass feel you wouldn’t need to convince her of shit, she’d be the one to ask if you wanted to go because she’s heard some of their songs via you jamming in the bathroom and just booked tickets as soon as you said yes. Hey, it’s to make you happy and you deserved to be pampered-- and she’s trying to get in her modern experiences since she was in a box for a long ass time

1st song is Montero, it has to be she definitely wants to fucked out from the jet lag and becoming part of the mile high club-- it’s her thing. Plus she loves the glitter and probably being two glitter gay/bi/whatever floats your boat people that are dressed in matching outfits, but different color combos. Titties are out, and y’all are sprayed down in glitter

Then after that I feel like it would be Rico Nasty coming in hot with “SLAP A BITCH” and I know you and Rebekah felt this song on a spiritual level, so it’s both you screaming in each others faces while she has her arms wrapped around you bc she loves love.

Then it pops off with “STFU” bc a lot fo y’all hoes needs to take a seat and shut the fuck up when big bitches are in the room… anyways, personal issues. A lot of y’all do not need a mic and are not the big titty bitches y’all make yourself out to be… and take the mics away from podcast men, please. I BEG

But anyways, it’s really a whole anthem to all the rock/rap alt girlies out here. Rebekah isn’t used to the music, but she can get buck wild to it, especially when it comes down to Doja and RIco when they interchange with “Swamp Bitches”.... That’s my shit ngl

Nah bc opening a verse with “I WISH DEATH ON ALL YOU BITCHES” was insane… love you Rico <3 That song makes you wanna fight ever bitch in the state that ever did you wrong, every bitch working at goodwill that couldn’t take your brothers army discount bc you wasn’t personally in the army, the wack ass bitch at the post office that didn’t want to work there that day, and that grandma down the block that keep eyeing you and telling you that you ain’t hot shit… she wasn’t even hot shit when Project C hit the neighborhood and niggas were getting sprayed with hoses

Anyways

I truly feel like she’d appreciate the girl time with you, and just to be, and have her shit out and have fun. It’s what she deserves

KOL

THERE IS NO HEAR ME OUT YOU WILL LISTEN: NF

I know I been on the black artists wave, but for the niggas that really be feeling shit NF just knows and I feel like with Kols past of always being the forgotten sibling, not being i the pack of “always and forever”, dying all the fucking time, and getting treated like shit by everyone else unless they need to minute magical thing that’s super important he’s left in the dark

He is the most self-aware sibling out of everyone out this fuck ass family. And I feel for him honestly, being the black sheep, being the outcast. Being able to use your magic when you were a witch and then all of a sudden you can’t do that shit anymore because you’re dumb ass mom wants to make y’all fucking vampires and freaks of nature and then wants to kill you, like it was your fault in the first place? Shit was really whack.

Like he calls his family and siblings out for having a para social relationship that is super into emotional and measurements, and having no boundaries whatsoever, killing other peoples lovers, putting them in coffins just so Klaus doesn’t feel like he’s losing his siblings because he can always take them whenever he goes. But they’re still in a box, they’re not living life they’re not being happy. And that just shows how much class is really his daddy‘s son, even though his dad really isn’t his dad because his mom cheated on, her husband with a werewolf. And Kol clocks all of that.

So I feel that he would really vibe with NF, I really do. Therapy session, intro, hope, all of those songs the whole album really would have him crying in your arms at sometime around midnight when he just came over to listen to some tunes and have a good time, and I feel like you introduce NF to him. He gets hugged, and he knows that NF is speaking about his life someway somehow and it just really hits him and he just cries in your arms for that time

I don’t care how corny you think this man is, this is real music and he writes about things that are real, and that happens to him. The song mansion is legitimately about Kol’s life with being being abandoned and abused by his own family, and his own father, as class was taking most of the beatings, he still had to watch all of that. But being the middle child that he was, he just was overlooked, and that probably speaks as to why he acted out and didn’t get any of attention that he deserves.

And I feel that as Kol gets into a relationship relationship with you, you being his black queen, because I know that man was up in Hady for some reason helping him with the revolution. He just doesn’t give a fuck does what he wants to do so it makes sense why he would be with the black woman because it’s just everything, they are on earthly, they are Wisdom and magic and chest seal combined into a specific human type. And I love this for them, I love this for me.

But anyways, back to the subject at hand. I feel like you, dear reader, would surprise Kol with NF tickets because he’s been wanting to go for a long time, and you guys went dress up any fancy just probably black, cute little combat, boots and things like that. And then just head to the show. But as soon as the show starts, he probably starts off with one of his hard hitters. I’m imagining either therapy session, or mansion to really get the tears going. And it’s really just the two of you standing side-by-side, maybe even hand and hand shouting every single lyric word for word, and just letting out all the shadow work and trauma, that you two have built up over the past couple years, granted Kol is Literally hundreds of years old, and you’re probably someone your 20s or 30s. But trauma is trauma and y’all need to deal with that.

Bc deadass, these lyrics are Kol: “What's my definition of success? Listening to what your heart says. Standing up for what you know is. Right, while everybody else is” because in every single episode, when Kol says not to mess with some dumb shit that causes about to fucking do everyone else ignores him, even Elijah, and they fuck around and find out, and they all of a sudden need help. And then complain like no one told them exactly what the fuck was going to happen in the first place. This man is always right, and he needs people to listen more to him. He’s been listening to what his heart says, he’s been going out and meeting new people and trying to live a life that he would really be proud of. Even though he’s very much unhinged and still acts out because he wants to be king of the world and wants to have some form of control like Klaus has because he knows that he can never get away from Klaus.

And then, when I feel like it’s towards the end of the show, and NF finally drops, hope, I feel like that’s when Kol really starts to let go of things a little bit, and really start listening to lyrics and make a promise to himself with like, maybe fighting against his dark side, a little bit of all the things that he’s known, and then just digging himself a deeper hole. He wants to actually get better for you, and for himself to have a healthy relationship. Because he’s never had that in his life, and you’re just not a play thing to him at all.

“Thirty years of running, thirty years of searching. Thirty years of hurting, thirty years of pain. Thirty years of fearful, thirty years of anger. Thirty years of empty, thirty years of shame. Thirty years of broken, thirty years of anguish…. I’m taking the reins” so it’s really just him taking the reins of his life, and just making it better than whatever it actually was. And I hope that can be therapy, I really do. But this whole concert experience would really just be a gigantic therapy session for Cole, but also having fun with you because there’s no one else that he would let see that vulnerable and that lively and have his whole façade slip down like that besides you.

But he’d be a Drake fan, Travis Scott, and probably XXXtentacion… he’s still a menace, but he’s a healed menace…. well, healing.

ELIJAH

Here is the black womans whore himself… and my man *does the debby ryan* 

I know that Elijah appreciates music in general, that man literally writes his own concertos, plays the piano, plays the violin. He is classically trained. And I expect nothing less. Honestly, he really is him. And he is also still very much worse than Klaus, even though he would like to believe that he is not.

Honestly, I don’t think you would really have to introduce Elijah to rap or hip-hop music. I feel like he would already be in Erykah Badu fan, probably really like the Beastie Boys, was into old school, underground in New York, hip-hop and rap. He was probably there, underground, too, for shits and giggles when he wanted a break. So no, I don’t think you would have to introduce him to hip-hop, maybe to a couple artists and everything. But, that doesn’t need help with that department

I feel like Elijah would definitely be a Kendrick, Lamar, J. Cole fan in the rap game and even Lil Wayne too. But I want to get into some good old Tom foolery before I say my crème de la crème.

With the whole Kendrick, J. Cole and Drake beef, that’s happening, I don’t think that Elijah would ever take any sides. But I do feel like he would definitely keep up with the news, even though you wouldn’t expect them to, with the whole suit and everything.

To start off, I feel like you being the reader would bring up the whole rap beef thing to Elijah. Since two weeks ago, you already brought up the Megan Thee Stallion versus Nicki Minaj rap beef that was happening. And now, this time it is Kendrick versus everyone, fuck the big three it’s just big me nigga BUM

And I feel like it would be brought up during lunch or something since you guys have lunch together, and you’re just giving him the whole play-by-play and then letting him listen to the song. And I feel like you need to play a couple times for him, so he really gets to like listen to lyrics and understand because one thing about it is…. Metro dissed everyone in morse code

NAHHHHH CUZ YALL NOT HEARING HIMMMM BEEP BEEP BOOP NIGGA

Mans said “BUM” with his chest

Like I know, J. Cole was on his bike on his way to the studio. As soon as he heard what Kendrick Lamar said, but then again, he could also not be doing anything because he’s not the type to just be on Rappy just to get some shit going you know?

But anyways, I feel like Elijah would totally indulge in this, and he would write down a whole play-by-play with what everything means because the power money and respect? “Sweetheart, Drake is the money, Jermaine Coke is the respect, and Kendrick is the power….” I can fully foresee that man giving you a dissertation on every single line and lyric and how it is a jab at every single one of them, and the meaning is behind it. You got not only a history professor, but one of the great literary investigators of all time for no reason.

I feel like Elijah is low-key. Also waiting for Drake and J. Cole to respond to what Kendrick said about them. And he’s so messy, for he really is, because he acts all high and mighty but he’s really waiting for the gossip about what people about to say

But moving along from the rat beef, I really do feel like this man would be a Lil Wayne fan because Lil Wayne was setting a standard early in the 2000s and probably even before then about how he really is one of the best rappers out there. Like, no one else was doing it like him and no one else doesn’t like him, and will never do it like him. You would catch yourself humming to a Lil Wayne, and I feel like that man would pick it up instantly, and just go bar for bar on whatever humming note that you were on and it’s amazing, but it seems so out of character for him, but it’s really not.

Because this concert is going to be one hell of a trip because first and foremost he is not going there with a suit on, you’re going to have to get this man to be casual. Which shouldn’t be hard because he loves you, you’re his little chocolate drop, pumpkin. But putting this man in a leather jacket and some jeans and whatever shoes that are comfortable for him to wear at this concert is gonna be one thing. Fighting off other bitches while in the crowd is going to be another thing entirely as well.

But listening to him, actually let lose for the good two hours that you’ll be there at the concert screaming at your lungs, and listening to this man stay on rhythm beat and have actual breath control when he’s going for a speed to is going to be insane in mind melting

Let’s be honest, you wanna fuck this man on the regular basis just because he’s him. But you’re telling me that he’s cultured and he can wrap and knows what the fuck he’s talking about?

Coochie hours have been extended

And it gets even worse when he knows that this turns you on so anytime that you turn back to look at him he’s already looking at you, wrapping the verse with little to no effort and giving you those bad eyes because he just knows. He knows what he’s doing to you and you have no Other choice but to either look away or to hold eye contact because we both know this is gonna end up messy when you guys get back to the Airbnb or hotel room

“I said, "He's so sweet, make her wanna lick the wrapper" So I let her lick the rapper”, and this mans eyes are dead set on you and his gives the lip bite… Yeah yeah… time for me to gooooo

[writer-room]

One among many things I love about Dragons Risings writing is that they're so unapologetic about making the original team very cool, but also absolute dorks.

It's just kinda refreshing to me? Like, yeah, sure, Lloyd's the super-awesome Green Ninja who's a descendant of God, Kai could set the world on fire if he wanted, Nya does not hesitate and was the ocean that one time, Zane will casually mention the most insane shit he did on a whim, Cole has a lava and rock monster form, etc, but like...they're also losers. Lloyd gets bullied constantly and tries to explain what a crab is, Kai has so much intelligence but so little wisdom at all given times, Nya has a 'shit happens' attitude as if she is not actively failing through this shit happening, Zane talks to a broom with Pixal's face on it, and Cole has it together the most by being a 9-to-5 dad with a boyfriend who he 100% believed was his power crux.

They're just people, y'know? Saving the world a hundred times over doesn't mean they're not still 20-something nerds who've been stuck doing this since they were teenagers. One cannot erase the time they had bad boy doppelgangers for like two minutes. Or had to raise their teacher. Or had the weirdest relationship drama. Or were huge video game and tech geeks.

And Dragons Rising isn't afraid to let them be that. To acknowledge, yeah, objectively, they're cool as hell, but to also admit that they're just kinda fucking around and finding out. It's a wonder what consistent and likeable characterization can do, who woulda thought?

[theautisticwriter]

The Owl House characters being paired with you for a school project

Characters- Luz Noceda, Amity Blight, Willow Park, Gus Porter, Hunter, Young! Edalyn Clawthorne, Young! Raine Whispers

Show- The Owl House

Genre- romantic, crushes 

Summary- you are paired with the owl house characters for a school project

Warnings- reader gets referred to as "pretty", usage of the word "hell", usage of the acronym "wtf", that's it I think??

Word count- 1.7k+

Extra notes- these are headcannons

———————————————————

✧Luz Noceda✧-

✰ when she found out she was partnered with you for the school project she ran home and dived onto her bed

✰ screamed into her pillow like there was no tomorrow

✰legs flailing and everything

✰ part of her was dreading working with you incase she did something wrong

✰ and the other part of her was swooning at the idea of spending more time with you

✰ eda was giving the worst advice ever like holy-

✰king declared himself the 'king of wingmen' and decided to help Luz in her flustered state

✰Luz asked around the school what your favourite food was so she could have it ready for when you came round

✰hooty was banished from speaking to you

✰poor fella

✰gave you a house tour and rambled on about all the intricate details due to her nerves

✰she got that neurodivergent swag

✰could not sit still the whole time you two were studying

✰was very interested in the topic but would bounce on the bed whilst you read out loud to her

✰king kept appearing in the room to try and wingman

✰was kicked out before he could make significant damage

✰lots of blushing and awkward giggles

✰you told her she was smart and she just broke

✰was fumbling over her words so bad

✰"haha yeah- thank you, you're uh, pretty too- PRETTY SMART- pretty smart too..!" bless her soul omg

✰eda did in fact make your favourite food and it warmed your heart that Luz put in so much effort to make you feel comfortable whilst you were there

✰eda was spying on you both to make sure you were suitable enough for Luz

✰she approves

✰all in all you two barely passed bc you both either got distracted or were interrupted by the other residents of the owl house

✰definitely got closer to each other though and you both are excited for the next school project

☾Amity Blight☾-

✰she was so ready for this

✰school was her thing, and doing something school related, with you?? she was thrilled

✰planned the entire evening so you both would have time to study, complete the project, eat and engage in conversation

✰wouldn't mind doing the project at her house, but would much prefer doing it at yours

✰if you both went to her house she would grab your hand (bold move, her heart was racing) and literally run to her room to avoid contact with her family

✰could not avoid her siblings however, as they were waiting in her room for you two

✰they teased the two of you like crazy

✰amity literally tackled them out of her room and barricaded the door

✰rough start, but we perceiver

✰you two 100% passed with top marks because our girl was not letting you fail on her watch

✰got briefly distracted as she thought about maybe asking you out for future study dates

✰she tried to ninja her way down the stairs to with you to get some food and take it back up to her room but her dad caught you both

✰just nodded at you in acknowledgment and instructed that you both didn't stray from the task you'd been given from your teachers

✰ate in her room and talked for a good while

✰she had conversation starters on little flash cards

✰"so, y/n, what is your favourite subject?" listens so intently at your answer

✰gave you a kiss on the cheek as you left

✰10/10 would study with again

✰and that kiss sparked a blossoming relationship :)

✿Willow Park✿-

✰told her dads about her nervous she was about you coming round for the project

✰they were excellent hype men

✰when you entered her home it was a very welcoming atmosphere

✰she gave you a bouquet of your favourite flowers

✰"I got you some flowers, I hope you like them :)!"

✰you spoke to her dads for the first 15ish minutes

✰guided you to her room with a hand on the mid-section of your back

✰she gave you her comfiest pillow and blanket

✰put the flowers in a vase while you two studied

✰you both had a pretty good balance of working and having fun talking

✰definitely passed with at least a B+

✰once you both finished the project you laid down on her bed and you both just stared at each other as you spoke about whatever was on each others minds

✰her dads helped organise a future hangout between the two of you

✰gave you the biggest bear hug before you left, and gave you the vase and flowers

✰very wholesome experience, it went very well

☘︎Gus Porter☘︎-

✰had his fists clenched to his chest and a very wobbly straight lipped expression on his face when he found out

✰he was trying not to look flustered

✰very awkward organising process, but it was cute watching him move his hands around like an insane person as he forced words out of his mouth

✰was stood outside his front door waiting for you to arrive

✰opened the door for you and stood to the side as he gestured you in

✰a true gentlemen

✰his closet was bursting to open because he'd thrown all his human nicknacks into it beforehand so his room would look less messy

✰pulled your chair out for you at his desk

✰he's trying so hard to impress you it's so cute

✰info dumped about the subject and you were astonished at how much information he knew

✰he did a lot of research before you came over to appear smart

✰you two would get distracted a lot but always found your way back to the project

✰passed, and that's all that matters

✰checking every five minutes that you're comfortable

✰"are you sure you're comfortable? I can get you another pillow if you'd like!"

✰just an absolute sweetheart, when you left after giving him a hug goodbye he collapsed onto the floor and just melted into it

✰phoned Luz and Willow to tell them every little detail

✰squealed once or twice whilst talking about it

✰'twas a lovely experience, 10/10

乂Hunter乂-

✰had no idea what he was doing

✰look he's just getting into this whole 'school' thing, and now he has to work with you?? how will he prove himself a worthy suitor if he's in uncharted territory

✰literally barged into the owl house in full blown panic mode

✰Luz told him to just be himself, and gave some good advice about how study sessions and projects normally go

✰eda teased the hell out of him and he was RED

✰went round your house cause he's kinda homeless

✰was stood like this🧍‍♂️when you opened the door

✰forgot how to breathe a good few times

✰he was determined to impress you with his knowledge, and would literally beam whenever you slightly complimented him

✰after a while he got more comfortable and was able to have some good banter with you and ease up a bit

✰was still very aware of his movements and actions, but was able to calm the tension in his body down and speak more freely

✰you both did that cliche where you reached for the same pen and your hands collided in the middle

✰"ah-! I'm sorry, no, you take the pen, I didn't mean to invade your personal space like that or take your things." give him a hug wtf

✰his fingers felt all tingly afterwards

✰you reassured him that you didn't mind at all, and found his apology to be really sweet

✰you both passed!

✰as he left your house for the night he blurted out "we should do this again! soon!", nodded his head quite violently and then bolted

✰you guys did do it again and it was great :)

⁂Edalyn Clawthorne⁂-

✰this is the only time she actually did her work istg

✰was unbelievably nervous but did not let it show

✰when you arrived at her house she opened the door, put her elbow against the frame, put one leg in front of the other and smirked at you

✰she then lost her balance and fell but we don't talk about that

✰gave you a tour of her home, and you said hello to Lilith before going up to her room

✰was really struggling to focus but she tried so hard cause she didn't want you to fail because of her

✰if you have hair, she would end up randomly grabbing a bit of it and messing with it absentmindedly

✰or she would grab your poke you at random times and then smile at you when you looked up, denying that she ever poked you in the first place

✰a menace

✰used many pathetic pickup lines on you, with full confidence it would woo you

✰it did but that's a you problem

✰you both barely passed tbh, but she was chuffed with herself when she heard about your grade

✰asked you on a date at the end and you said yes

✰almost cried out of joy to Lilith when you left

♪Raine Whispers♪-

✰very calm and collected when they found out they were partnered with you

✰just very happy abt it

✰stares at you whilst you work out who's house you'll be going to and what time you'll get there with love in their eyes

✰very willing to just follow you around wherever you go

✰just like with willow you both find a good balance between work and fun

✰nods and smile whilst you ramble on about the project or your interests

✰plays you a little song at the end of the evening

✰they wrote it for you

✰you both passed!!

✰shows off their magic and the tips of their ears go pink if you compliment them about it

✰100% attempts to make you join the bard covern

✰you both hang out a lot more after that :)