#10/10 interaction I am a nervous wreck

[emptyrainbowz]

Best day of my life, cried afterwards.

[starcrossedxwriter]

Wicked Fantasies Part 10 (MBJx Black OC)

A/N: sooooo this is just nonstop angst. Hence the gif selection and I am sorry lol we get into some tough shit. So warnings include: severe depression and negative self talk, harassment, etc. But as always enjoy! And remember… I’m a HEA girlie through and through ☺️

Hell on Earth was the only appropriate descriptor for the last 24 hours of Raven’s life. Trapped in her apartment due to the spectacle of paparazzi camped outside her building, her only activity was laying in bed unmoving hour after hour in the fetal position. She was grateful to Melody for taking her shift, she did not know if she would have been able to find the strength to get up to go anyway.

Raven tried her best to avoid social media but laying in her bed staring at the ceiling did not provide much distraction from the agony that coursed through her. This hurt eclipsed any pain from a physical wound that she had ever felt. It was paralyzing. And scrolling, even if she had to wade through stories and commentary on her own life as if she were a fictional character from the world’s latest Netflix obsession, offered some reprieve from thinking about him.

He consumed her every thought despite wanting nothing more than to rid her brain of him. But his claws were in too deep and even blocking his number had not offered relief when the only thing she wanted was to seek comfort from him. Her heart ached for him as if it would never be right again without his presence, his touch. But her brain would not allow her to call him or even unblock him. He was the curse, the disease… she certainly would find no cure in him.

The negative orator in her head called him a liar, reminded her that she did not deserve him and he knew it, which was why this all happened in the first place. So she stayed in her small ball in the corner of her bed fighting the urge to call him or break down into sobs again.

Her roommate checked on her every couple of hours and that was the sum of her human interaction since she left Michael’s house. She did not want to see or talk to anyone. So she didn’t. Her phone remained on DND, every call and text going unanswered. She knew she only had a few more days of this. The library had taken her off the schedule for a week, citing a need to figure out how to deal with the safety concerns this situation brought. But Raven knew the truth, the only available solution would be to let her go. Another job down the drain because of her terrible choices, because the only setting she seemed to know was self destruction.

That was all she knew how to do it… ruin her own life and the lives of everyone around her. She did not even speak to her family anymore and still knew, from her sister’s nonstop texts and calls that she didn’t respond to or answer, that even they were feeling the burn of her choices. Of course, Kiara was not wasting the opportunity to snag herself another 15 minutes of fame but she did not say anything worse than what Raven had already seen from strangers or did not already believe about herself.

Tears sprang to her eyes as thought about her own role in every bad turn and mistake her life had taken that led to this moment. She could blame Michael and her family but perhaps it was finally time to own that they were all right: it was her. She was the problem.

She chose to sell her body, even when she was in college as a dancer, to make a quick buck. She chose to do the same as an adult, she chose to enter into Michael’s ring of lies and she let him play as the fool. She could hate him but that meant she would also have to hate herself.

And acknowledging her hate for him was far less excruciating than examining how she brought this collapsing building right down on herself.

***

“What happened?”

“Damn, nigga. Can I get through the front door first or get a hello?”

Michael let out an impatient sigh and shifted out of the way so Alex could walk into his foyer. He had been a nervous wreck since she called an hour prior asking if she could swing by the house to talk. He had deleted social media from his phone so he did not have to see the vitriol being hurled at Raven. He did not care what people said about him but Alex literally had to stand over his shoulder and watch him delete every app to stop him from responding to every disgusting comment he read about her.

While his plan may have worked in popular media outlets and with sensible people online, he severely underestimated the contingent of very loud incels and pick-mes who would blame Raven regardless of how the story was presented to them.

“My bad. Hey. What happened?” he asked again, his tone signaling that he was not in the mood for Alex’s signature attitude. He needed answers and he needed them now. He would have time for pleasantries again and everything else when Raven forgave him. Or even just answered his phone calls and texts.

Michael gestured for Alex to follow him to the kitchen where he had been helping his mom and dad cook dinner. Or rather helping in between wearing a hole in his floor due to his incessant pacing and complaining about when Alex would arrive.

“I”m not gonna show you unless you calm the fuck down.” One side glance from his mother had Alex cringing at herself. “Sorry, Ms. Donna.”

The older woman merely nodded as she returned to her task of chopping vegetables.

“Well, I’ll start with the good news. I checked in on all your endorsements and deals and they said as long as this situation doesn’t evolve any further, they have no interest in dropping you. People still love you for some reason. And it’s been a week, so if old… partners were going to come out, they would’ve. All our Creed 3 press is still set but I had to do some rearranging now that the Oscars are set for the second weekend in March. So you’re going to Mexico City this weekend to get a head start. And we still have your interview slate for the Oscars set. You’re in for a busy six weeks… I know what’s going on with Raven is a lot but I need your head in the game, Mike. Seriously.”

“Alex! I don’t give a fuck about an interview schedule. What did you hear about Raven?”

“You know it’s literally my job to manage your career, not your continuously screwed up love life, right? Sometimes I worry you have it confused. But yes, I do have news on Raven too. Which is mostly… well all bad news. Most of the conversation has moved on. People are still attacking her on social but that’s not all that surprising. Vultures are still circling her apartment, not as many but a couple every day. Today was the first day she left the house in a week to go back to work. But… she got fired.”

Michael paused his pacing in shock. He knew how much that job, however she came to need it, meant to Raven. It had been a refuge during one of the most painful times in her life and his actions had stolen that from her.

“WHAT?”

Alex scoffed. “I told you our plan wouldn’t be without consequences, Mike. It just had the least amount of them. You can’t be surprised. She worked at a public library with kids and the entire world found out she was a prostitute. She was probably an at-will employee so they don’t even need a reason to fire her. But paparazzi surrounding her job every day and idiots calling to campaign to get her fired is more than enough for most places. But that’s not… that’s not the worst part.” Alex’s stiletto tipped nails tapped against her screen a few times before she tossed it down on the kitchen island. “A contact at TMZ sent me a video a couple hours ago. They aren’t gonna post it,” she assured him. “But there were plenty of cameras so someone else might. Just forwarded it to you.”

Michael moved quickly to open his email, his body equally wrestling between wanting to see whatever this was and being afraid to. But he knew he did not have a choice. He took a deep breath to steady himself as he pressed play on the video. The TMZ reporter had their camera trained on Raven as she tried to fight her way out of the back exit to her car in the parking lot. It was from earlier today, Michael realizing that she must have gone into her shift only to be let go. However, she was not simply fighting through a sea of flashing lights and insensitive questions. There was also a small group of men hurling insults at her as she fought through the crowd.

“I guess niggas really don’t be having jobs cause who has the time to post outside of someone else’s job to harass them?” Alex muttered to no one in particular as Michael’s attention and focus remained trained on the video.

The words of everyone else in the video were just static to him because his eyes and attention were squarely set on Raven. His soul felt as if it was splintering into millions of pieces as he watched her. Despite the meticulous makeup painted and her stoic poker face, Michael could still see the sorrow and exhaustion in her eyes. He had seen such a look in her eyes before and it hurt then, but now it was somehow worse. A fatal wound because this time, it was his fault. He would not need a video for that look to haunt him for the rest of his life.

He continued watching despite wanting nothing more than to get in his car and race to her apartment. The video was chaotic as the cameraman tried to keep up with the mob of cameras and people and keep the focus on the woman at the center of the storm. Michael did not understand what happened when Raven suddenly stopped moving, her poker face gone as one of pure terror took over.

Michael’s eyes frantically searched the frame of the video for what changed, even pausing it for a moment, until he noticed a hand wrapped tightly around her upper arm. He watched as she frantically pulled against the force of the person but their grip was too tight. And he could hear the whimper of pain in her words as she begged him to let her go.

The altercation did not last long when one of the cameramen was able to break the man’s grip on her and Raven scurried off to her car, her eyes brimming with tears.

Michael forced his phone to go to sleep as he squeezed it in his fist. Michael usually existed at an emotional equilibrium but his rage felt all consuming. Is this what seeing red felt like? When your anger was so blinding, you could not see or think of anything that did not fuel that fire? The entire internet had become Inspector gadget to find Raven’s job and address to harass her but would they do the same for that guy? Someone who tried to do her harm? Michael merely wanted five minutes alone with him to exercise all that rage at someone who deserved it.

He did not say a word as he marched past Alex and out of his kitchen to the foyer where he kept his car keys and wallet. He grabbed both and angrily stomped out to the garage, his thoughts set on nothing other than seeing Raven. Even if he was only able to lay his eyes on her for a moment, he needed to see her. In the flesh.

“Michael! Mike! Stop! Stop!!” Alex raced after him, quickly catching up with him despite her high heels. Her hand grabbed the door of his car before he could fully climb in. “Where are you going?”

“To Raven’s.”

Alex’s arm jerked the car door away from him as he tried to pull it closed. “You need to give her time. You’re probably not the nigga she wants to see at her door right now. And… there are still cameras around her house. You don’t need -”

“You think I give a fuck about someone seein’ me go there?? Get outta my fuckin’ way, Alex. Now.” His voice lost its usual kind tone as he glared at her, his barely contained rage seeping out into the garage around them like thick smoke.

Alex’s grip loosened but she did not acquiesce fully. “At least let me come with you.”

Their standoff continued for mere seconds before he caved and gave her a few moments to get into the passenger’s seat. If allowing her to go with him was the only way to see his girl then he would let her ride along. But she would not be able to stop him from doing a damn thing, he knew that much.

They did not speak as he raced through LA to get to Raven’s apartment. He did not wait for Alex to get out or say anything as he walked into her building and made a beeline for the elevator. Before he knew it, he was banging on her door like the police had shown up.

“Ok calm down, we don’t need the whole damn floor filming this for that damn clock app,” Alex grumbled, Michael essentially ignoring her as he continued banging until the door flung open.

Her roommate stood there, a confused look on her face for a moment, before she glanced over her shoulder in the direction of Raven’s closed door.

“I need to see her.”

“I don’t think she’s up for visitors,” the young woman responded, her tone leaving little room for arguments. She tried to close the door but Michael stuck his foot in the doorway and stopped her.

“She doesn’t have to talk to me but I need to see her. Let me in.” Michael knew he had no right to demand entry into someone else’s home but he was at a loss, his hands were tied.

“What he means to say,” Alex stepped forward, pulling Michael back slightly, “is that he just wants to see she is ok after today with his own eyes. And then we’ll leave, I promise. Two minutes, that’s all we want. Please?”

“I’m not gonna force her to see you. You can wait here while I ask.”

She left them at the doorway to show themselves inside as she went to knock on Raven’s door.

“Raven? Can you come out here?”

He heard shuffling from behind her closed door before it cracked open. He could not see her but he could hear her voice, small and broken. A sound he never wanted to hear again. He was supposed to be the solution to her pain, not the cause of it.

“I d-don’t want to see him.”

“I just need a minute, Rae!” Michael did not wait for the invitation as he walked up to her door and gestured for her roommate to move out of his way. “Just let me see you… please.”

Raven leaned her head against the door frame as she debated whether to comply. Something in her demanded that she slam the door in his face. But her first on her doorknob merely shook as if she could not force herself to do it, her limbs refusing to obey her brain’s orders. She did not want to see him.

Whatever bandage she was using to stop the bleeding of this wound was immediately ripped off and her hurt flowed once again like blood at his mere presence. She could not even look at him, or rather was afraid to. Afraid that if she looked into those eyes, she would believe whatever sad tale of love and care he brought to spin for her this time. She could not fall for that again. With him or anyone else. And yet, her body still wanted to run to him and jump into his arms, bury her nose into the nape of his neck and breathe in him. His signature cologne, his natural musk that had grown to represent a sanctuary for her.

She forced herself behind the ice walls she had spent a week building. She was too weak to survive without them. Those barriers and their harshness were the only thing that had dragged her out of bed to go to her shift, which lasted a total of an hour before she was fired. She was not surprised but preparation had not made it an easier experience. She had been proud of herself for holding it together, walking out with her head held high. That is, until the utter debacle outside the library.

Michael had always been the one who the barriers came down for. But now, his presence made them grow higher and higher as if to protect David from Goliath.

She stepped back and opened the door just enough for her face to be seen. She did not look at him though, keeping her eyes trained on the wall behind him.

“What? The paparazzi videos aren’t enough? Need to see your destruction in person? There, you’ve seen me. Now get out.”

Her voice was cold, colder than he ever knew her to be toward anyone much less him. It was being stabbed in the chest and having the knife twisted for effect. Made all the worse by the fact that she could not even look him in the eye.

“Rae… baby girl, please. I just want to make sure you are alright after today… between the library and that guy. Just want to make sure you aren’t hurt.”

A mere week ago, Raven would have melted like a childish lovesick school girl at “baby girl,” at his care and devotion to her. But today, her heart had to remain cold for her own preservation, safely tucked behind the ice walls she erected.

“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that. And it’s not the first job I’ve lost, I’ll survive. Whether or not I’m hurt or employed shouldn’t matter to you. You made it clear you don’t care.”

“It does matter to me. You matter to me. Did he hurt you?”

“Bruises heal… This one will too. It’s the other wounds I’m not sure about,” she muttered, more to herself than him. “You want me to read you some of my DMs? Compared to what they all say they want to do to me, I got off easy with a bruise. So now you know. I don’t want to repeat myself again. Get. Out.”

“I’ll do anything, Rae. Just talk to me, hear me out. I didn’t mean for this o-or any of this to happen like this. Let me fix this. Or at least let me protect you.”

She shook her head, refusing to listen to a word he had to say. In one ear and out the other. It was all lies. “No. You can’t fix this. I don’t want your words, your lies, your apologies, or your protection. I don’t want anything from you ever again. You wanted me out of your life just like everyone else I know so you got your wish. Come back here again and I’ll call the police.”

And with that, she slammed her door in his face, leaving him standing awkwardly in the living room with Alex and her roommate. He simply stood there like a statue, mouth agape with his apologies on the tip of his tongue, staring at her closed door for a few moments.

“You heard her. You should go.”

With her roommate’s echo, Michael forced his legs to move. However, before he could get far, he stopped and grabbed a spare piece of paper and pen that was left discarded on their counter. He jotted down his number and pushed it into her hand.

“Tiffany, right?” At her nod, he continued. “I’ll give her space cause that’s what she wants. But anythin’ happens like today again, call me. Please.”

The young woman eyed him intently and stowed the paper away in her pocket before Michael walked out of the door with Alex in tow. As they stepped into the elevator of her building, Michael unleashed his pent-up frustration by punching a hole into the side of the elevator, an action that only caused a rippling pain to shoot up from his knuckles.

“Well that was decidedly stupid. You’re gonna have to get that looked at.” Alex shook her head. “She’s not ready yet, Mike. And for once, you’re not in control of how this goes. She needs time. Give it to her. But she’s ok today, that’s all that matters.”

Michael’s unbruised hand massaged his knuckles as they walked to his car. He sat in his seat silently for a few moments.

“You think she’s still in danger?”

“I think people on the internet often forget the people they’re attacking are real people. Most of this will stay online and be fine but we can’t predict the people who’ll do what that guy did today and take it to the real world. There’s just… no way of knowing.”

Michael sighed and nodded. “Get me a list of bodyguards. Vetted. She doesn’t want to see me, fine. But she’s gonna get protection whether she likes it or not.”

“You can’t force her to have a bodyguard.”

“You got me in Mexico City, Paris, London, New York, and Miami for the next month. You think I’m steppin’ on a damn plane with niggas tryin’ to attack her? Get me the fuckin’ list.”

“I know shit is fucked right now, Michael, but you can’t stop working just because your girlfriend is mad at you.”

“I don’t care about work right now, Alex!”

“Maybe you should! Maybe I shouldn’t be the only one holding your fucking career and reputation together while you spend all your energy making bad decision after fucking bad decision.”

Michael’s entire body whipped around to face the passenger seat, the anger he had pushed down beneath the surface already bubbling to the top. He was a powder keg and unfortunately, Alex was the spark.

“Oh so all of this is my fault?? Tasha fuckin-”

She threw her hands up in the air. “Stop blaming Tasha! She’s trash, she fuckin’ sucks and backed you into a corner but it’s not all on her, Mike! I’m not one of these fuckin’ yes men whose gonna shield you from accountability just to pad your fuckin’ giant actor ego. You fucked up, Michael. You. You could’ve ended it with Tasha as soon as you realized you were in love with Raven, but you didn’t. You strung her along because it was easier than admitting your feelings. You could’ve taken any of the millions of opportunities to admit what was going on to Raven like I told you and you didn’t. You wanted to play big man and stick it to Tasha instead of focusing on the person that actually mattered. And you didn’t want to admit that you were still talking to her. You didn’t leak this out of some purely noble intentions. This didn’t just happen to you. You caused this because as good of a guy as you are, you always do what is easiest for you instead of what is hard. So you and Tasha made this fucked up bed together. Own that shit and stop wallowing in it like a fucking bitch baby.”

His grip on the steering wheel was nearly painful as her harsh words sank in. And as difficult as they were to hear, as much as they clashed against the narrative he was clinging to, he knew they were not untrue. While it was far easier to lay the whole debacle at Tasha’s feet, he knew he was not blameless in what happened. But he had underestimated how torturous it would be to see the consequences of his own actions, how it would gnaw at him day in and day out. And the only way he was even surviving day to day was wrapping his brain tightly in the narrative that he did what was best. Without that protective blanket, he did not know if he could survive seeing the destruction he caused.

“Damn tell me how you really feel.” He banged his fist on the steering wheel a few times. “I just… I feel like I can’t do shit else till I fix this. Till she forgives me.”

Alex took a long deep breath before reaching over and squeezing his hand. “I know… but her forgiving you and you fixing the damage this all caused may not be the same thing. You don’t get to control when she forgives you and your life can’t stop until she does. If she does. Fix what you can, keep showing up where you can, and the rest is on her.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“Then she doesn’t. And that has to be ok too.” She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text. “I’ll have the list of bodyguards for you by noon tomorrow. Just promise me you’ll get on that plane on Friday? And that your head will be focused on your career, not her. Give me six weeks Mike. Press tour, world premiere, Oscars and then you can chase after her like a lost puppy all you want.”

“Yea I promise. I know how hard you’ve worked for all this… ain’t gonna let you down, Alex.”

“I get paid either way. You earned this. Care more about not letting yourself down.”

And with that, Michael peeled off the curb of Raven’s apartment building and started their trek back to his home. The entire ride Alex’s words tumbled in his brain. He had been so focused on convincing Raven to forgive him when he did need to give her space, as excruciating as that was for him. But space did not mean he could not work to fix the very tangible things his decisions had ruined for her.

“Did you ever get that list of Black agents and publishers that rep fantasy novels?” he asked randomly as they pulled back into his spot in the garage.

“Yea, pulled it a while ago.”

Michael walked Alex to her car, which sat out in front of his house.

“Good. Any on the list you particularly like?”

“One of them’s a friend and if I’m being honest… She is the list.”

“Aight. Let’s game plan that on the plane ride after our interview prep”

Alex leaned against the hood of her car, smiling at him. She patted him on the arm and gave him a smile. “There’s the Michael B Jordan I attached my career to. Welcome back.”

He merely rolled his eyes and smiled. He was a man of action. He would wait a hundred years if that was how much time and space Raven needed. But her not wanting to see him did not mean he could not continue to be what he had always been for her: the first person who took care of her.

***

A knock at Raven’s door forced her out of bed. She had not made much effort to leave the comfort of her own bed since losing her job. She had been able to save up enough from her dates with Michael to save a decent safety net. She would have a couple months before she needed to think seriously about what was next and how to pay rent. She savored the cushion. Her thoughts were an utter mess so she certainly was not mentally strong enough to plan.

As she walked to her front door, her phone started vibrating.

Kiara

She had been avoiding her calls like she was the bubonic plague. She knew why she was calling. To gloat and rub salt in Raven’s wounds. She could almost hear the vitriol Kiara would throw at her without even answering the phone. So she didn’t. She did not care to. She decided to just wait her out, if she ignored her calls enough, she would eventually give up… right? After all, it had almost been two weeks.

Raven had not heard from her dad at all, which she did not know whether to be thankful for or add that to the list of wounds that would not close. Some small part of her would have hoped that, despite them not speaking since the holidays, that he would check in on her after all of this. But she had done all of them a favor when she cut them off. They wanted her out of their lives and she wanted them out of hers. She knew she should no longer care what either of them thought of her.

She sent her call straight to voicemail as she opened her door to find an extremely tall, brooding bald man with shades standing outside her door. He kind of reminded her of what a secret service agent in movies looked like.

“Can I help you?”

“Are you Raven Turner?”

“Why do you want to know?” She kept the door knob in her hand in case she needed to push it closed. She thankfully had not had any crazies approaching her at home, small comfort. But perhaps, that was about to end.

“My name is David Brooks. I’ve been hired to be your bodyguard. May I come in?” Raven’s eyes grew wide as he tried to make a step over the threshold to her apartment. She immediately stepped into his path, using her body and the door as shields.

“You think I’m just gonna let you in cause you say you’re a bodyguard?? I didn’t hire a bodyguard. And I don’t need one. So you could be a serial killer with an elaborate ruse for all I know. Leave.”

“You should know that no serial killer would choose a ruse so specific. And apartments are a foolish place to murder someone, too many eye witnesses. And if I was here to harm you, I’d already be inside. Your door certainly would not stop me.”

“You know you are not really inspiring trust, right?”

“Apologies. It is just frustrating how obsessed the average American woman is about being murdered by a serial killer when statistically, it will never happen. But I digress. Just because you do not believe you do not need a bodyguard, does not mean you don’t.” He reached under his arm and handed her a neat folder of papers. “Resume, background check… much of which is redacted. Security reasons. And he said you would be a reluctant principal so I included the latest research and data on how cyber attacks and stalking can turn violent. Now have I inspired trust?”

Raven took the folder out of his hand and flipped through it quickly, her small stature still blocking his entrance to her home. Her eyes skimmed each page, which included everything about this man except his damn social security number. He seemed legit and even the parts that were not redacted in black highlighter seemed terrifying. But she did not budge from her protective stance in front of her home. She still did not understand.

“Who even hired you??” There was no one in her life that cared enough or could afford to hire her a bodyguard. Well no one except…

Fuck.

“Michael B. Jordan. Any other questions or may I come in so we can discuss your security? Do you do this often? Talk to people in your doorway? Because that will need to end immediately.” His eyes glanced up and down the hallway of her apartment.

Raven let out a deep exhale of frustration and stepped aside, allowing him in. Mainly because she did not want their standoff to continue in her hallway for one of her nosy neighbors to see.

“Don’t get comfortable… you won’t be staying.”

How dare he? She thought to herself. Why can’t he just leave me the fuck alone!

She angrily grabbed her phone off of the kitchen island where she had discarded it. She was too pissed off to feel many other emotions about hearing his voice as she unblocked Michael’s number and hit the call button. She had not spoken to him since he showed up at her apartment days prior.

Ice walls, ice walls, she told herself as she prepared to hear his voice. She forced herself not to read into the fact that it only rang once before his voice started to fill her ear.

“Rae! Lis-”

“Fire him,” she demanded, cutting him off. She had no desire to hear anything he had to say to her.

There was a still beat of silence before Michael’s voice filled her ears again, steaming with the dominance she once craved and yearned for.

“No.”

“I’m not kidding, Michael.”

“I ain’t laughing, Raven. You aren’t ready to talk to me, you aren’t ready to see me, fine. But I’m not gon’ let you fend off paparazzi and randoms alone. And I can’t be there. So he stays.”

Anger coiled in her belly causing her to immediately raise her voice. Every fiber in her being hated him.

“So he can report my every move back to you?? Fuck no. And fuck you. The only reason I would need protection is because of what you did. I’ll never be ready to talk to you and I want nothing from you.”

She could tell this was a losing battle but she fought regardless. She could not handle this shadow following her every second, a visual reminder of him and the fact that he cared about her. But everything in her told her that he didn’t care about her. His actions had made that abundantly clear. This was nothing more than a complex manipulation… like everything else he had done to her since the night they met.

“He’s not obligated to report anythin’ back to me, I promise. I’ve dealt with the paparazzi and crazy fans longer than you. It actually can be dangerous. And I’m traveling and doing all this press so it’s not gonna die off until I’m out of the spotlight in a few weeks. So until then, he stays.”

Raven forgot that Michael was officially on his giant world press tour for Creed 3. A part of her wanted to ask him about it, hear how it was going and how he felt. But she could not allow that either. She did not care about his career. She did not care about him anymore.

“I don’t need anymore help and if I did, I certainly wouldn’t want it from you.”

He let out a sigh that sounded almost… sad? Raven shook her head. She was not going to give in, waver, or break. He was one of the best actors of her generation and that was all this was: an act.

“I deserve that shit. I know it. But I’m not gonna apologize for carin’ about you even if you hate me.”

The back of her eyes stung at his words. She despised it, she did not want to feel this for him. He had destroyed her and she vowed never to let him close enough to do it again. Or anyone for that matter. But perhaps her resolve was not as steadfast as she desperately wanted to believe it was. Her heart may have been willing to hear him out again, but her stubborn brain refused to allow her to give in.

“I do… hate you,” she whispered, hating how clear her emotions were in her tone. Hearing his voice cracked something open inside her and all those walls were starting to crash around her.

“I know… but I’ll never stop, Rae. Never stop lovin’ you and carin’ about what happens to you. Hate me all you want but that’s it.”

She shook her head, even though she knew he could not see it.

Lies. It’s all lies. He doesn’t care. No one does. So stop kidding yourself.

The back of her hand quickly wiped away the few falling tears before she sniffled slightly and cleared her throat. She refused to give in. He did not love her, he did not care about her. That’s the only thing she knew was real. The rest was lies.

“You don’t care what happens to me,” she responded definatively. “No one does,” she repeated the menacing voice in her head that forced her insecurities and hard truths to the surface of her brain. “Hell… I don’t anymore.” Her voice trailed off slightly.

“Rae…” Whatever rebuttal he had started to form in his brain at her first statement faded away like a sandcastle swept in a tidal wave at her words. Did she really think that? Believe that no one in the world cared about her? Did she really no longer care about herself? Those words struck fear in his soul.

“Tell me how I can fix it, baby. Please. Tell me what I can do for you to forgive me.”

Her entire body sagged against the weight of her kitchen counter. She let the phone fall from her ear as a sob bubbled to the surface. She forgot about the GI Joe soldier who was standing in her living room awkwardly pretending as if he could not hear them.

“I-I don’t know if y-you can fix this, Michael. N-Not what you did b-but this exhaustion. I’m just… tired,” she wiped her eyes. “I’m tired o-of reaching out and getting swatted away… I’m tired of being disappointed b-by people. I’m t-tired of forgiving a-and piecing myself back together just to be pushed down and b-broken again. I-I h-have to f-find the fucking energy to pick up the p-pieces of my l-life y-yet again because I d-don’t… have any choice. B-But I d-don’t have enough… to do that a-and figure this out right now. I c-can’t think about forgiving you until I stop feeling…. this … exhausted.” Her words were barely audible as her emotions made her throat too tight to speak.

Another sob broke its way through before she forced her to clear her throat before she stood up straight. She could not do this, could not talk to him and let the door even crack. The wound still hurt too much.

“Goodbye, Michael.”

Raven hung up and blocked his contact once again. She glanced at her new shadow, who now turned his attention back to her.

“I can’t do this right now. I’m not leaving the house today so come back tomorrow and we can talk.” She did not wait for him to agree. “Get out.”

He seemed wholly unperturbed by her rudeness, she was clearly not his first “reluctant principal.” He merely nodded and walked to her front door, leaving the folder and his card with his cell phone number with her.

Raven marched into her bedroom and slammed her door shut, the chorus of sobs she was holding in finally breaking from the surface. Two weeks, only two weeks had passed and she just did not want to feel this anymore. This destruction. The wreckage of her life simply felt too great to rebuild. And there did not seem to be any light at the end of this particular tunnel.

***

The days marched by at a slow pace as Raven tried to do what she told Michael: pick up the pieces to her life. Her day to day now included her own personal GI Joe who followed her everywhere she went. And drove her everywhere she went. Which, admittedly, was not that many places. She did not have a job and she had few friends in LA so she spent most of her time in her apartment, occasionally venturing out for necessities. She imagined she was the easiest and most boring person David had ever protected.

Though they had gotten off to a rocky start, Raven had to admit that she felt safer when she did leave her home with him by her side. And he was not overbearing or bothersome. He had a few rules, which were easy enough for her to follow. And he promised that he would not report her every move back to Michael. She was not sure if she believed him fully but he seemed sincere enough.

She still thought about him, a ghost haunting her every passing thought. Thoughts that were only amplified as pictures and clips from his press tour went viral all over social media. She had tried her hardest to avoid them but sometimes she found her eyes lingering on a reel or tik tok featuring him. She never quite listened to what he was actually saying, she merely just studied him. The way he laughed with his entire body, the spark in his eyes as he talked about his craft and his passion.

He seemed happy… without her, a realization that always made her close whatever video it was and want to curl back up in her bed.

She did not want to miss him, she did not want to still be in love with him. But she still felt everything, all of that love and every ounce of the hurt.

An unknown number covered Michael’s face in the video she was silently watching. Unknown numbers were a mixed bag these days but something in her told her to answer it. It was an LA number, if that made her feel any better about it.

“Hello?”

“Hi, may I speak with Raven Turner?”

“This is she.”

“Hi Ms. Turner. My name is Angelina Smith, I’m the founder of The Spark Agency. We rep Black authors across fiction from contemporary to fantasy and sci/fi. I’ve been looking for new talent and a friend of mine passed along your name to me. You have a few minutes to chat?”

Raven’s eyes grew wide. She did not need to race to google to know who Angelina Smith and the Spark Agency were. They were the first, and one of the only, major Black-owned literary agencies and one of the only that almost exclusively repped Black and Brown authors. She had queried damn near every agent there when she first finished her manuscript but none of it worked out.

“Wait… you’re THE Angelina Smith?? If this is an elaborate prank…” Raven muttered, her brain already forcing her to temper her hopes and dreams. It would not surprise her if this was some insane tik tok prank or ruse to humiliate her. A month ago, she would have never considered that but now? She did not put much past people anymore.

She laughed. “No, I promise this is not a prank. I read your book… you’re incredibly talented. I work closely with Del Rey, Penguin House’s fantasy imprint, and I think your book and series would be perfect for them.”

“Seriously??”

“Yes. Could you come down to my office one day this week? Maybe tomorrow? You’re based here in LA too, right? We can also do something virtual if you’re not in town though. I would love to just chat about your vision for the series and see if we could be a good fit? And if it is, start to discuss all the business stuff. My least favorite part, to be honest,” she chuckled. “Can you give me your email?”

Raven rattled off her email quickly, still shocked and confused as to what was even happening right now.

“Ok great, my assistant will send you a calendar invitation and information. I have to jump but I'm looking forward to meeting you. Talk tomorrow.”

And with that, the call ended, leaving Raven with extreme whiplash as she tried to process what even just happened. She let out a breathy chuckle as she wondered if her life was about to turn around for the better. She did wonder how she even found her book, published under a pseudonym so it would not have been that easy to find. And she had basically been told her career in publishing was dead without hope of resuscitation so why would one of the most successful Black agents in publishing even want to waste their time on her?

A war raged as she tried to decide if this was really real. But a ding of her email let her know that it was legit. She studied every aspect of the email from email addresses to signatures, using LinkedIn and other investigative searches to verify her assistant’s existence as a person and everything checked out. If this was a ruse, it was the most elaborate one she had ever seen. It seemed… legit?

The smallest sprout of hope bloomed in her belly at the thought. Perhaps her life was not completely and totally destroyed. Well it was, but for the first time in a month, she did not see only despair ahead. She saw a path to build something new out of it.

***

“Raven! Angelina,” the tall, lean, and insanely gorgeous woman glided to her office door to greet Raven like she was floating on the air instead of walking in her incredibly high Louboutins. She held out her hand, Raven shaking it enthusiastically. “It is so great to meet you.”

“It is great to meet you too. And sorry,” she wiped her sweaty palm against her dress. “Kinda nervous.”

Angelica waved her hand dismissively. “No need to be nervous. I’ll be honest, I truly rarely say this but I’m already sold on you… just gotta sell you on me,” she winked.

“You’re the first agent to show interest in my work in years… and not to sound like a complete fan, you’re every author’s dream. Hardly need to sell me on you or your agency.”

“I know a diamond when I see one,” she shrugged. “Please sit,” she gestured toward the comfy white couch in her corner office, each woman sitting on each side.

“Not sure about a diamond,” Raven muttered. Her shoulders sagged a bit as she chewed on her lip. This was her dream but all night she had grappled with one thing, one thing that would kill their working relationship before it even began. Her reputation.

“I am so appreciative of this… And honestly, just knowing that someone of your caliber sees the value of my work would be enough. I mean you are amazing a-and your agency has repped some of my favorite authors. And this is such an honor.”

“How do I already sense a but coming?”

Raven smiled sadly. “But I don’t want you to waste your time. I doubt any publisher’s gonna want my name attached to them.”

Angelina stood up and walked over to a small table, pouring two glasses of brown liquor from a decanter she had sitting there. She returned to her perch on the couch, handing Raven one of the glasses.

“Do you think I would personally reach out to you without asking around about you? Without doing a google search? You don’t get to be me without doing your due diligence and I do mine. I know everything ‘your name’ comes with and I still called you. I won’t presume to know everything but I heard enough to know that what your last publisher did to you was not on you or right. Publishers can preach about caring about marginalized voices all they want but it’s still hard to be a woman, a black woman, in our industry. So when a phenomenal black writer gets labeled difficult? I… know what that means. And as for your situation now… well, I like an author with an interesting story,” she shrugged, though interesting was not the word Raven would have used to describe her own story. “But since you think I need convincing about you, let me ask you this… why did you want to be a writer? And why fantasy?”

Raven’s hands anxiously twisted in her lap as she thought about it. “A lot of reasons but mainly… all books are windows… a peek behind the curtain into another life, another time, another reality. But for me, fantasy books were always more? They were doors, a real escape into another world where life was limitless and the powerless underdog could be more. That you could fall but there’s always a reason to pick yourself back up and try again until you don’t fall anymore. And when I wrote my first short story, I realized they were also mirrors, a chance to examine yourself and your own life…” Raven’s hand picked up the hardback copy of her book that sat between the two women. “And heal wounds. Or at least start the process. And when I was old enough, I just realized I didn’t want to just be escaping into someone else’s world. I wanted to escape into one of my own creation too.”

Angelina smiled and nodded. “And that’s what all the due diligence in the world can’t tell me but the only thing I really need to know. I don’t care about anything other than whether this is your passion. And whether you are good at it. Check those boxes and I can work magic with anything, trust me. And as for your concern about publishers, I will admit that I may have been a bit overzealous but I already put feelers out and have three publishers, including Del Rey, who want to meet with you. Your old publishing house even reached out but I didn’t respond. My first response was to tell them to fuck off but wanted to check with you first.”

“Fuck off is pretty polite for what I want to say to them,” Raven muttered under her breath.

“Then fuck off it is.” The two women shared a knowing smile before Angelina continued.

The rest of the meeting was a dream, Raven forgot how amazing this all felt. Even the mundane legal stuff sparked an excitement she had not felt in such a long time. And now she had three meetings on the books to shop her book and an agent again, a book she thought she was not going to be able to do anything with ever again.

“Ok, I think that’s all I need for today. One thing, they’re gonna want book 2 fairly quickly. Any deal we get will include a reprint of this one but they’re all gonna want a first draft as soon as you can get one. Maybe let’s check in again on your progress on March 15? Gives you about a month.”

Raven grimaced on the inside. She had half of her second book done years ago and the doc sat unfinished and untouched ever since she lost her deal. Even with this surge of hope and new energy, she did not know if her creative juices were even still there. However, she did not voice any of those concerns to Angelina. How could she tell this badass woman that she was putting her name on the line for her and Raven did not even know if she could write anymore?

“Sounds good. I can do that,” she lied.

Or at least, we can try… and pray.

“Ok great. Jason will be bombarding your email over the next week with invites and such but I think we’re in good shape. We’ll send over my contract. If you have a lawyer, have them look it over. It’s standard in my opinion but I encourage all my authors to read it with a fine tooth comb and send back notes. It was great meeting you, Raven. I look forward to working with you.”

They shook hands once more before Raven stood to walk out of her office. However, at her door, Raven paused and turned around.

“I’m sorry… Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Of course.”

“How did you… find my book? I wasn’t querying or anything. It’s not even sold in stores anymore.”

“Oh, a good friend of mine passed a copy along. Said you had gotten the rights back recently and thought I might be interested. One thing I’ve learned is to never doubt Alexandra Williams. She knows how to spot rare talent and she was right, per usual. It’s infuriating really,” the woman laughed.

Raven used her hand on the doorknob to steady herself as her words hit her. She supposed she should not have been shocked but she was. A million questions ran through her brain. Why had he done that? What did he hope to get out of it? Was this another manipulation or a sign that he truly loved and cared about her? That he really wanted to fix all of this?

“Sorry… I may have wrongly assumed she or Michael told you I was gonna reach out.”

Raven realized that her internal monologue was clearly showing across her face. She quickly shook her head and replaced her perplexed look with a fake smile. “No, no. Don’t apologize. They probably wanted it to be a surprise. Thank you… again.”

“Thank me when we get you a deal,” she winked at her before giving her a wave.

Raven nodded and saw herself out, realizing that now… she actually had to do something. No more wallowing in bed and watching sad movies. Her life was back in motion and if she did not pick up her feet to keep up, she would ruin this second chance too.

She shot David a quick text asking him to pull around to pick her up. She had a book to write.

***

Michael was pitfully scrolling through his camera roll as Tessa came up behind him and slid into the open seat next to Alex on their jet. Tessa had been a bright spot on this press tour, keeping him engaged and laughing as much as she could. He was grateful. However, when he was alone or in spaces like this with no cameras, the melancholy always settled back in and he found himself seeking out Raven. Now that was simply a text that went unanswered, a wall of blue messages on his end. However, they did go through… which was an improvement.

Since he could not see her, he resorted to scrolling back through his phone and studying every photo or video they took together. His favorites were their trip to Paris. He looked at those pictures and videos more and longer than he should have, made all the more painful by the fact that he was on his way there before heading to London. He had hoped she would be beside him on this particular stop of his press tour, and had hoped she would get to experience Paris again with him.

But this time, the most romantic city in the world would merely feel like a cruel joke. When he examined her in those photos, each one resurfacing memories that he clung to like a buoy in the open ocean, they only made him fall deeper in love with her. It was as if he could see their love story play out in front of his eyes. And he always went back to Paris because it was such a clear turning point for them, the moment everything changed and they started to fall. The descent had been beautiful and he had savored every moment of it. He could see the love she held for him etched in her eyes, the longing that he had doubted was real back then. But now, it was all he could see… all he could focus on.

“Stare at your phone any harder and it might burst into flames,” Tessa joked as she sat down across from him.

Michael chuckled and tossed his phone down in the empty seat next to him, slumping back pitifully.

“My bad. Just…”

“Miss her?”

“Yea. Doubt she misses me though.” He mused, thinking back to their last two conversations, neither of which went well.

When he had made his choice, there had not been a world where he thought he would not be able to mend whatever it damaged between them. Conceited and cocky? He could own that now but his ego often was outsized. But now, he questioned whether there was a path forward for them at all? If he had done too much damage? Every night when he laid down for a precious few hours of sleep, her words tumbled and tossed in his brain matter. He had never heard her sound so… depleted as she was during their last phone call. He was trying, as much as he could from afar, but he did not know if it would ever be enough.

“Wouldn’t be so sure of that. I only met her once but that woman is just as in love with you as you are with her. Those feelings just don’t disappear because she’s upset. Give her -”

“Time. I know,” he muttered angrily. “Just don’t know if there’s enough time to fix how I fucked this up, Tess. She said she’s too tired to forgive me. And the crazy thing is, I can’t even be mad at that. If I had her life, I would be fuckin’ tired too. I just wish she would let me talk to her, you know? Explain or something.”

Tessa reached over and squeezed his hand. “I know but you’re doing what you can. Show her that you care about her and maybe that’ll soften her up enough for a conversation later.”

“And,” Alex interjected. “If it at all gets you out of this relentlessly annoying funk, Angelina texted and said she and Raven had a great meeting yesterday. So one thing’s working out.”

“See?” Tessa, forever an optimist, smiled widely. “Progress. Keep showing up for her.” Tessa leaned back and studied him for a moment, her eyes filled with introspection that made Michael sit up a bit straighter.

“What’s that look for?”

“No, just… I’ve known you for a decade and I just have never seen you like this before.”

“What? Acting like a bitch?” he grumbled, tossing Alex a side eye that she only rolled her own eyes yet.

“No. This serious… this mature… vulnerable. It’s a new side of you that I’ve never seen and the whole world sees it too. It’s really nice and refreshing.”

“Yea, well it’s all her.”

“Does she know that?”

But before he could ask her what she meant, Tessa’s agent called her over to discuss something, leaving Michael alone to ponder his own thoughts.

***

Almost two weeks went by and the document on Raven’s computer remained unchanged. She stared at the screen for hours a day, willing the prose of her novel to leap out of her brain and onto the page but nothing. She reread the words she wrote years ago and none of it even sounded good to her anymore but she did not know how to fix it. Her backspace button saw more love than any other key on her keyboard. Hour after hour marched on and she had nothing to give. Her characters did not even seem to live in her head anymore. When she tried to tap into their thoughts, their lives, and intentions… all she heard was silence from them and the loud roaring of her own problems. They were still there but it was as if they were miles and miles away with too many barriers for her to access them. And if she could not access them, she could not write an authentic story that a publisher would ever want or readers deserved.

Had she gotten a second chance only to realize there was no point? How could she turn a draft around in a quickly dwindling time frame when she had not written a single thing?

And she could not even blame her writer’s block on anyone. It was all her, her brain and insecurities reeking havoc on her ability to do something that had once been as second nature as breathing. And all her thoughts, of course, just charted a path back to him. Always.

She knew Michael arranging that meeting had been an olive branch, his attempt at fixing things between them. And while part of her was grateful, another part was frustrated that the only reason she was getting her shot back at being an author was because of his connections. Hell, she would still be trapped with her own publisher if it was not for him. Did she want her future success and career to be built on his support? Something about it felt… wrong. Like accepting it was forgiveness she was not ready to offer him yet.

She slammed her computer shut in frustration, an unanswered email from Angelina getting an update on her draft. It would just have to stay on read, Raven decided as she sulked in bed. This was her least favorite part of the day… when she gave up trying to force words to appear on the page and curled back into her spot in bed. That’s when all the negative thoughts caught up with her the most and she had no distractions to help her, tormenting and taunting her with how much she did not deserve him. Or anything good in her life.

Even with this new book deal, she was bound to ruin it at some point right? That was all she knew how to do. The sun was starting to set, dimming the light in her room. Sitting there, without her job, students or Michael to distract her, made it that much harder the fact that all roads led back to one central problem: her. And that was not something Michael could fix. Hell, she did not even know how to fix that. Was she even fixable? Or would she just continue to destroy everything in her life forever?

She was about to get up and force herself to watch tv as a distraction when her phone rang.

Kiara

Raven perhaps foolishly thought her sister would simply give up. She could not even count how many times she sent her calls to voicemail but that did not deter her. Kiara demanded that she be given her moment to revel and gloat. Despite wanting nothing to do with or hear a thing from Kiara, Raven knew she was merely kicking an inevitable can down the road. She was a dog with a bone and she would never stop until Raven gave her the attention she demanded.

Perhaps Raven really was a masochist because despite how low she was already feeling, she decided today was the day to stop punting her sister and just get the beating over with.

“Oh so you finally decide to answer my fucking calls? Weeks later?”

“We made it pretty clear where we stood at Thanksgiving. I just knew you wouldn’t stop calling so… say what you wanna say so we can all move on?” Raven could not keep the exasperation out of her voice. She did not need a big speech or lead up. Let’s just get right to the point.

“Not talking all that big shit now, huh? You know… I always knew you weren’t shit but prostitution? Findin’ new ways to embarrass dad and I every day, huh?”

“Yep, so what do you want me to say, Kiara?”

“Just wondering if you’re finally ready to admit what I’ve always known?”

Raven’s eyes clenched shut. “And what’s that?”

“That you were the biggest mistake mama ever made. All you’ve ever done is ruin my life from the minute you were born. Daddy is fuckin’ disgusted with you. You thought you could snag a big nigga like Michael but he just realized what I already knew. You don’t deserve shit, let alone him. Who knows, maybe I’ll give him a call. He’s havin’ his big movie premiere tonight, finally dumped his dead weight. Maybe we can see how he does with a real woman, not a fuckin’ slut.”

Raven’s head thudded against her headboard lightly as a few stray tears fell. She wiped them away and cleared her throat, forcing the words out of her throat. She was broken but she refused to break down in front of Kiara of all people.

“Fine. You’re right,” her voice filled with such sorrow and resignation that Raven almost did not recognize herself. “Satisfied?”

There was a pause as if Kiara was surprised at her response. But that’s what she had wanted, right? To hear Raven humble herself, admit that she was every horrible thing Kiara, her dad, and now the whole world thought she was.

“That’s what you wanted, right?” she repeated out loud. “That you’re right and I’m the villain and all your hate and vitriol toward me for my entire life is justified? Well, you’re right. You can’t hate me more than I hate myself and I deserve all of it. You are right. So congrats. You won. Oh and if you want Michael, you can have him. I’ll send you his number.” Raven did not even bother waiting for Kiara to speak before she hung up and threw her phone down.

Her head fell into her knees as sobs raked through her body, she did not even know her body could produce anymore tears. How had she not dried herself out? That last statement was an utter and complete falsehood. She did not want Michael anymore, or rather, she simply convinced herself she should not want him anymore. Her body still yearned for him like an addict searching for their next fix. But it would be a cold day in hell before she served him on a gilded platter to her sister of all people. And even though she hated him more than anyone in this world, she knew that was not his way.

But everything else? She meant every word. She hated herself and her life. And it was overwhelmingly excruciating to feel 30 years of hatred flood her brain all at once.

“Fuck! Enough of this,” she muttered. She could not sit there, lay around ruminating in her pain and suffering all night. Especially not when Kiara had just reminded her that Michael was having one of the biggest night’s of his career, a night she had once been so excited to experience by his side.

She needed to forget. Forget him, forget her pain… forget all of it.

She went into her closet and pulled out a bodysuit and jeans. She threw on makeup as quickly as she could, freshened up her hair and texted David that she wanted to go out. He was still sitting in his car outside watching her building, as he would until she went to sleep. But tonight, she did not plan on going to sleep anytime soon, she needed release.

And release is exactly what she would find as she made David drive around until she spotted a hole-in-the-wall bar downtown. It was old and grimy and the perfect escape. There were no lying millionaires to be found in a place like this, just regular men who would think nothing of fucking Raven in the bathroom or the back of their car or wherever her drunk mind encouraged them to go.

“Hey, welcome to the Griffin,” the bartender offered as Raven sat down at the bar. “What can I get you?”

“Hey… ummm can I just have tequila with pineapple juice? Double. And just keep ‘em coming.” She handed him her credit card to start what she knew would be a regrettably large tab in the morning. But she could not have hoped to care.

He merely nodded in agreement before quickly mixing her simple but effective poison of choice. She damn near drank it like a shot, throwing it back before signaling him to make her another. And with every disgusting bottom shelf sip of tequila she took, she felt it. Release.

***

“Congrats, baby. The movie was amazing,” Michael’s mother kissed him on the cheek.

“Thanks, ma.”

There was a certain sorrow in his voice that he found hard to hide now that he had returned home from his Creed 3 World Premiere. Two weeks of traveling non-stop and he was finally home. Only home simply reminded him of one person now. Raven. It was the biggest night of his career and he spent the entire night wishing she was by his side, musing on what she would think of specific scenes or the movie overall. Her opinion was the only one he found himself even caring about. The insane pace of his press tour had taken his mind off Raven to a degree. But being back in LA for a few weeks head of the world premiere and the Oscars pushed all those thoughts front and center again.

And it was clear to every person around him, which is why his cast and team did not press him when he declined attending the after party he was hosting and paid for.

“I know it’s hard without her, baby. But celebrate the moment, your moment. If she’s meant to be yours, she’ll come back around.”

His mother squeezed his hand before following his father up the stairs to their bedroom. Michael sighed and nodded. That’s what he kept telling himself this entire time but it was not working anymore. He just wanted to hear her voice, even if all she wanted to do was yell at him. He could take it, handle it. It was the silence that was harrowing, that felt too heart-wrenching to contend with.

This press tour had proven one thing to him - Raven had unlocked a side of him that he had never had before. This was his most open and genuine, most real moments he had offered the public. And people noticed, noticed that he was different, more serious, vulnerable, and open about himself, his work, and his craft. Raven had brought all that out in him. And he wanted her by his side to revel in it with him. He wanted people to know that it was her who caused that, who split him open and made him stop hiding.

His phone rang, Michael’s heart nearly stopping as David’s name slid across his screen. The man had never actively reached out to Michael since his first day guarding Raven. Though Michael paid for his services, he made it clear that he did not want reports unless they were threats to Raven’s safety, physical or otherwise. And so, he had taken David’s silence for what it was: a sign that Raven was safe. And that was all he could ask for. But the man reaching out to him foretold bad news, he knew that much.

“She alright??” Michael asked immediately, his feet already moving toward his keys to get in his car.

“Depends on your definition. We’re at a bar downtown and she’s… well, she’s been here for hours. It’s a dive bar so there aren’t many people here, no cameras. But she’s completely wasted. Like refusing to leave wasted. I told the bartender to cut her off after this drink bu-”

Michael loosened his bow tie and grabbed his keys. “Text me the address.”

“Already sent.”

Michael was not sure what to expect when he finally made it downtown and parked his car. He checked David’s text two or three times, shocked to believe a bar could exist in such a rundown building that did not look safe, much less occupying a functioning business. But David had sent the correct address, the faded, grungy and dilapidated sign of The Griffin hanging above the door.

Michael knew he looked out of place as he pushed his way inside, his body still donned in a perfectly tailored royal blue tuxedo. But thankfully, the bar was not crowded, just a few folks hanging around the bar and booths. But he only had eyes for one person like a moth to a flame, a young woman wildly dancing in the corner near the jukebox.

Despite the carefree smile on her face and swing in her hips, Michael could still see the dimmed spark in her eyes from across the dimly lit bar. He had not laid eyes on her in so long and just seeing her was like someone breathed new life into his body. The rough seas of his soul calmed, even just for a moment, before worry consumed him.

Was this normal for her since they broke up and stopped speaking? Getting completely drunk at dive bars? He could count on one had the number of times he had seen her tipsy, let alone drunk. But this was beyond anything he had ever witnessed with her but a scene he knew all too well with himself: someone trying to numb their pain with liquor and a good time. And it always worked, he knew, until the sun came up and the hangover set in and the pain rushed back tenfold. He chased that serene, weightless, painless feeling night after night for years. He had to learn the hard way that numbing the pain did not stop or heal it, it just made it hurt more later on when you finally confronted it. He refused to let someone as pure as Raven fall into the same trap he did.

He made his way across the bar, only stopping to speak to the bartender. “How many drinks she had?”

The bartender, a graying white man, glanced up from where he was wiping down the soiled bar. His eyes grew wide for a moment, clearly recognizing Michael, before he answered.

“Uhhh… I’m sure she lost track. The one in her hand is number 7. And her last. The guy with her told me to cut her off.”

Michael let out a low whistle and grimaced. There was not a world in which she didn’t feel that in the morning. He pulled out his credit card and slid it across the bar to the man. “Pay her tab with this for me, aight?”

“Yes sir. You’re my favorite villain in Marvel by the way…” he offered with an enthusiastic smile.

“‘Preciate you.” Michael walked over to where Raven was dancing and where David stood protectively by, the young woman still not even noticing him. More of the drink in her hand landed on the dirty floor of the bar than it did in her mouth when she tried to take another sip.

Michael rushed forward and skillfully slid it out of her grasp, Raven whipping around to find him behind her. Her smile immediately fell as she looked him up and down.

The drunk version of her wanted to be excited to see him but the sliver of her logical brain that remained reminded her that the only reason they were drinking was to forget him and the destruction he caused. How could she be so weak as to even care that he was there?

“W-what are you doing… here?” she slurred, her hand making a grab for her drink, which he held just out of her grasp.

“To take you home that’s what. You’ve had enough. Unless you wanna end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning?”

She merely shrugged as she continued to dance. “Can’t be any worse. I’m having… a good time. Unlike him,” She turned to David and smiled. “He’s sooooooooo uptight. You know… h-he doesn’t even smile. Like ever? And has a lot of thoughts… on serial killers, w-which is strange. Come on, David.” She called over to him from his stance in the corner, which gave him a full view of the bar. “Dance with me,” she tried to walk over to him in her high heels but stumbled, Michael quickly grabbing her around her waist and pulling her against his chest. “I-I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t. Come on.”

“You… two are… no fun,” she moaned pitifully. However, she did not fight against Michael’s strong grasp as he led her out of the bar and to his ferrari.

It took him longer than it should have to just get her in the car. However, once she was settled, he went into the back and grabbed the spare gym bag he kept there and dumped all the clothes out before putting it in her lap like a makeshift bucket. Though he knew he could just take her to his condo, he wanted to care for her at his home, which was a longer drive. And as much as he adored her, getting the interior of his brand new and very expensive custom car cleaned when all that alcohol inevitably showed up in a different, less desirable form was not on his to-do list for tomorrow.

Raven’s wild and uninhibited drunk persona continued for most of the ride as she demanded he turn on some “tunes” for her to listen to, singing loudly and off-key to every song she pulled up on his Spotify. It would have been cute if the entire situation had not been so concerning.

By the time they reached his house 30 minutes later, the height of her drunkenness had worn off and her persona had settled into a decidedly somber one.

“You hold your liquor better than I thought you would,” Michael remarked as he helped her up the stairs to his master suite.

“Only… long enough not to throw up in your fancy car. Can’t m-make the same promise… for your carpet if you keep moving this slow.”

That did make Michael pick up his pace a bit, immediately taking Raven to his bathroom and gently sitting her down. He made quick work of taking off her shoes and pulling her hair back with the hair tie on her wrist just in time for her to bury her face in the toilet.

Michael rarely got sick from alcohol but he had never been more thankful for his high tolerance of liquor as he essentially watched her body perform an exorcism. He only left her once to get her water and make a cup of tea to settle her stomach but even in his giant house, he could hear the faint heaving as he made his way to the kitchen.

When he returned with her water and tea, Raven was sitting with her head propped up on his toilet seat, gingerly wiping a few tears from her eyes.

“I-I’m sorry…” she pushed out. “Having my ex have to take care of me is a… fucking new… low.”

Michael felt like she had sucker punched him with the word ex. He supposed that was what they were, no matter how much he did not want that to be true. But it did not hurt any less.

“Don’t apologize.” He wet a washcloth with warm water before wiping her face. “Better?”

“Yea… c-can’t imagine there’s anything left in my body,” she mumbled. She stared at him for a moment before saying. “You shouldn’t’ve come. I told him not to tell you where I went.”

“Tonight was the first time he called me. I only just got back to LA this week for press and the premiere. He was just worried about you. Don’t think he expected me to actually show up.”

She eyed him up and down, for the first time realizing he was in a pristine deep royal blue tuxedo. She could not stop the passing thought on how good he looked.

“How was it?” At his confused expression, she amended. “The movie… how was it?”

He scoffed, even in this state, she cared about how his movie went. She always spoke about how she did not deserve him but from where he sat, it was the other way around.

“Don’t really care to talk about the movie right now, Rae. Want to talk about you.”

“Well I don’t wanna talk about me o-or think about me. Hence all the alcohol my body just ejected. So how was the movie?”

He slid down onto the floor next to her, setting the pajama set he had pulled out for her next to him.

“It was good. I’d already seen it but seein’ it on a big screen, watchin’ my family see it. It was surreal.”

“A-and the press tour?”

“Good. Busy. Not done either. Alex secured an interview with Oprah, which is hella dope… bout the movie and Oscars. So it’s been good. Hard without the one person I needed though.”

She scoffed, finally feeling strong enough to stop using his toilet as a literal crutch. She forced herself to scoot away, now leaning her back into his standing tub across from him.

“Didn’t need me. No one does,” she muttered, taking a sip of the tea he sat out for her.

Ginger tea, perfectly made just as she liked it. God, why was he like this?? So perfect and attentive even when she wanted to hate him?

“That’s not true. Tell me what’s goin’ on, Rae? I… I’ve never seen you like this. Never seen you drink this much or talk like this.”

“Maybe you don’t know me that well…” she muttered as she played with the material of his rug beneath her.

“I think I know you pretty well and this ain’t you.”

“I… finally talked to my sister today. A-and she just voiced what I already knew but had never said out loud. All I do is ruin things… people. Hell, I’m about to ruin this book deal you got it… I can’t even write anymore. Destruction follows me like a damn fire everywhere I go, burning everything I touch. I just… didn’t want to be me for a while? Didn’t want to be weighed down by that.”

“You didn’t ruin me.”

“If you had never met me, your face wouldn’t have been plastered across TMZ for carrying an unconscious woman out of a hotel…. If you’d never met me, you’d be blissfully enjoying your moment right now instead of taking care of a pathetic girl you dumped.” She paused, her fingers twirling around the fraying threads of the hole in her distressed jeans. “If I hadn’t been born, my family would be whole a-and happy. If I had just said yes to that asshole, I’d still have my career and I wouldn’t have resorted to prostitution. I-If I hadn’t decided to make a quick buck, I wouldn’t have disappointed my students a-and everyone I know. A-and it was easy to blame you when e-everything happened,” she whispered as tears streamed down her face, as the drunk facade gave way to the brokenness and pain she tried to numb. “It was easy to act as if this w-was all your fault. But it’s me. I’m the problem.”

“Rae…”

She raised her hand to stop him. “Don’t pretend it’s not true… this is all my fault.” He watched as she held the soft cotton in her hands, her fingers rolling over it. A tear fell from her eyes, splashing onto the heather gray material. She lifted her eyes, her first time looking him in his eyes. “W-was any of it real? W-what we had?”

“All of it was real. Every bit of it. I love you with everything in me, Rae. I hate that you don’t believe that, that I made you doubt it. But it’s true. You can’t ruin me when you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“A-and Tasha? D-do you love her?”

Michael’s eyes grew wide. “Fuck no. I swear. I… messed up. Completely fucked up. I… thought I was helping you by dealing with it on my own and I let my anger at Tasha and fear of hurting you push me to do just that. I hurt you. And I’ll do anything to mend what I broke.Because you’re my world, Raven. You have to believe that. What can I do to make you believe that?”

Michael watched as her shoulders shrugged forward, collapsing under the weight of the day and everything. She pulled her knees into her chest, resting her head on her knees. “I d-don’t know if I can believe anything anymore.

“Then I’ll spend the rest of your life and mine helping you believe it. Whatever it takes.”

Raven stood up, ignoring the dizziness the sudden movement caused as she made a beeline for his bedroom door. She thought she could do this but she couldn’t. She couldn’t be here with him, listening to his promises. Not when the voices in her head loudly clashed against his words like metal against metal. Most of her brain that still loved him with everything in her screamed at her for pulling him away from one of the biggest nights of his career, chastising her for ruining yet another thing for him. And the louder part that demanded she despise him yelled that all of his promises were a lie, nothing he said was real. They weren’t real.

She did not deserve him and he was just propping her back up so he could knock her down again, he would never keep those lofty promises. That’s what everyone in her life did and she was too bruised to be anyone’s punching bag anymore. He was just a fantasy she tried to will to life but was never real.

She grabbed her clutch and phone that Michael had discarded on her bed. She did not care how her body swayed slightly and was still off kilter. She could stay awake long enough to call an uber and get herself home.

“What are you doing??”

“Going home. I c-can’t do this. You shouldn’t have come tonight. You s-should be out celebrating your big night, not here taking care of me.”

“The fuck? Raven, put the phone down. I ain’t lettin’ you Uber home like this.”

“You don’t care!”

“Stop sayin’ that shit!” he rushed forward and ripped her phone out of her hands, closing the Uber app. He knew it was wrong but he also knew her movements and reactions were too slow for her to stop him.

She tried to snag it from him, the actor easily holding it above their heads and utterly out of her reach.

“Stop wasting your time on me, Michael,” she hurled at him, her eyes clenching shut in her exasperation. “G-Go be with Tasha o-or some model or some woman actually worth your time. A woman you actually want. We both know that’s not me. So let me go, please. T-this… the promises, t-the disappointment, it hurts too much.”

“Be mad at me. Push me away all you want. Fine, I deserve it. But do it because I fucked up. Because I lied and kept the truth from you and tried to protect you and disappointed you just like everyone else. I can learn to live with that one day. But I can’t and won’t live with you doing it because you still believe you don’t deserve me! Because that’s not true.”

“Why w-would I believe you deserve me??! What future could we… ever have together when the world knows you a-and however many men they believe paid me for sex?? What kinda future is that for us?? People a-are calling you the greatest actor of a fuckin’ generation. You’re about to interview with fuckin’ Oprah literally this week! And what am I? A prostitute with no family and 3 failed careers under her belt?? A failed author who can’t even write a sentence now, much less another book. What kinda future would we have when you didn’t even think I w-was strong enough to tell me your secrets, your problems?? This whole situation, YOUR actions, proves that WE WEREN’T REAL!” she exploded, her drunkenness fueling the first time she voiced her true feelings out loud to anyone. “None of it was real. And the moment it got real, the moment shit got hard, you didn’t confide in me, you didn’t trust me, you threw me to the wolves because you knew what the rest of the world knows… I don’t deserve to be here i-in this part of your life! Th-This house… y-your family… your real life?? I don’t fit here anymore, Michael! I n-never did.” She took a deep shuddering breath before continuing.

“So I’m asking you… begging you to just… let me go. L-Let me go back to my…” she chuckled. “Insignificant life as Pluto o-or the side character. Please. B-Because I can pick myself b-back up a-and force myself to keep moving, force myself to keep going a-and b-be alone for the rest of my life a-and live in the shadows. But I can’t do that with fake promises, promises of m-more when it isn’t real… because w-words a-and promises a-aren’t real a-and they aren’t enough a-anymore. I can’t k-keep putting my faith in fantasies only for reality to knock me down again. Because I d-don’t think I can get back up again. I-I’m tired, Michael. This is it, this is all I have left. So please… just let me go.”

Michael slightly stumbled back in shock, the raw hurt in her voice almost too agonizing to feel. His arm came down but his grip on her phone was almost crushing. Though he wanted to respect her wishes, he also knew… there was not a world in which he could let her go truly. He loved her too much. His world rose and set with her. He used his knuckles to wipe his own tears away.

“Raven… please. J-just give me a chance to show you that I’m real, that what I feel for you is real. Because I would give up all this shit, every last bit of it for you. I’m at the height of my career and all I can think about is you. All that matters is you.”

She shook her head and held out her hand for her phone. “I wish… I wish I c-could believe you. But I don’t know if I can.”

With that, Michael’s grip loosened just enough for Raven to grab her phone and purse and start to walk out the door. However, as she pulled open the door, Michael’s hand grabbed the frame to stop her.

“I can keep working to fix what I did. I can show you that you’re my world, that you’re my Sun and that my world revolves around the very look on your face. I will happily show up at your doorstep everyday with actions and proof of how much I love you… how much I fucking breath for you. And I will. But I can’t make you believe it. I can’t make you believe you deserve it. That’s the one thing I can’t do here. I-I’ll never let you go, Rae. My heart will always be yours.” He bowed his head, every word felt like a sharp knife leaving his throat, agony to force out. But he knew it had to be said. “But I c-can’t force you to believe that you own my heart and deserve it or that you’re worth everything to me. I can do everything in my power to show you I’m worth one more fall but you have to jump. So if and when you believe what I know is true about you and us, I’m ready to jump again.”

And with that, he let her go, allowing her to open the door fully and leave. Every step she took further away from him caused the sorrow he felt to grow to unspeakable heights. At one time, he thought this pain could not have gotten worse. But this was far worse.

Tag List: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333 @roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc @apenasumlug4r @dezzy154

***

A/N:

I promise yall… it’s gonna get better LOL This is really the worst it gets! Our girl is just feeling the weight of it all and is sad but she is a survivor 💪🏾

Y’all were hard on my girl last chapter - how are we feeling?? Still mad at her? Still mad at Michael? Let me know your thoughts in the comments! *disappears* lol also it was really hard to post this from my phone 😭 won’t do that again hahaha



[the-golden-comet]

WIP Questionnaire Tag

Thanks for the tag, @fractured-shield , @drchenquill , @willtheweaver and @honeybewrites ! 💖

I’m gonna do YWIMC 🧞‍♂️✨

1. What’s the first part of your WIP that you created?

I had the ending planned and created first, now working towards that (which gives me a goal to write towards ✨)

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/ intro be?

Big instrumental, with a pungi and middle eastern orchestration mixed with modern to compliment each of the two main characters

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

Ali and Noah both equally. The main focus of the story is how their personalities interact and how they collaborate in a college setting as roommates.

4. What other pieces of media do your fan base would share?

Any animated Disney film. For this WIP specifically: Aladdin.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

Writing the darker themes. A lot of them come from a place of own self-struggle, so getting that vulnerability out in the page is a challenge.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

There aren’t any pets, but there are the animals and sounds of nature that are brought up a few times—like frogs chirping, birds crowing, and owls hooting.

7. How do your characters travel/ get around?

Ali either teleports them, they take public transport, or Ali drives Noah around in his sports car (though this last option leaves Noah as a nervous wreck)

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

I am on the second half as we speak! We’re beginning to ramp up again to the penultimate and ultimate climaxes of the story.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) will you think draw your audience in?

The zany ideas that I present, having a chaotic mind. The slice of life style of writing, with quippy and realistic dialogue, and of course…the romance. Gotta have that. Oh, and they were roommates. ✨

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

Just like with Peter Hart, I’m going to publish my novel. Once everything is finalized, I’m going to put it all up at once on Archive Of Our Own so that people can enjoy the story for free, and then buy a digital copy of the want to support me further.

Thank you very much for the tag!! Going to leave it +open! ✨

[gretavangroupie]

Bloom (Chapter 7)

Chapter 6

Official Bloom Playlist

Warnings: Fluff, Smut. 18+ ONLY. Minors DNI

A/N: Please make sure to check out the playlist above for the full effect while reading this chapter. As always, thanks for reading!

“It’s always and ever, only you.” - Butterflies Rising

Flying with famous musicians is an experience, to put it lightly. The recognition of the guys ebbing and flowing throughout the day. Every once in a while a group of girls would quietly and nervously approach and ask for a photo with them, you offering to take it, and the girls walking away absolutely giddy. Josh, Sam, and Danny doing most of the talking throughout the interaction, Jake saying as little as possible but still happy to take a photo. Somehow you all ended up on the exact same flight into Flint. I guess that’s what happens when they are all from one of the smallest towns in Michigan. 

You had never been to Frankenmuth, Josh has been telling you all about its endearing qualities leaving out the part about freezing temperatures of course. You had packed and repacked probably 10 times, you were so nervous about having the perfect outfit for Thanksgiving. You would be staying with Josh, Jake and Sam, at their childhood home for the weekend. You could tell the guys were already relaxing and looking forward to it with all of the horsing around and jokes they cracked the entire plane ride from Nashville to Flint. You and Josh sat in front of Jake and his girlfriend, Sam and Danny sitting next to each other across from you and Josh.  They talked through the seats and across the aisle the entire hour and 45 minute flight. After telling the guys to calm down approximately 37 times during the flight, and waiting 30 minutes to find your suitcases on the carousel, you were finally stepping out the doors of the airport and walking to find your rental car. Jake offered to drive since there was snow on the ground and Sam had one too many inflight beverages. Danny left you all at baggage claim when his family arrived to pick him up. You, Josh, and Jakes girlfriend, all climb into the backseat, Sam in shotgun of course, claiming that his ‘legs were too long for the backseat’. You head down the road, with the car full of rowdy yelling guys, thanking the lord its only at 30 minute drive to Frankenmuth. You are speechless at the beautiful snowy landscape you see from the windows. It almost looks like a scene from a Hallmark movie. No one in the car understanding your surprise since they all grew up here. This is just normal to them. 

Josh places his hand on your leg and leans into you to whisper into your ear, as you continue to stare out the window, “isn’t its beautiful here?”

You turn to him and reply, “its gorgeous, I can’t believe you grew up here.”

He smiles and pats your thigh, “I am so glad you got to come with me, this is going to be a great weekend.”

A few minutes later you all pull up to the Kiszka house, Jake stating “Ahhh yep just how we left it huh boys?”

“Yeah, let’s wreck some shit!” Sam jokes. 

After collecting your suitcases from the trunk you all trek through the front yard up to the front door, where Josh’s mom is bursting through the door, “My babies are hooomeeee!” she squeals.

Josh releasing an exaggerated sigh “Mother, must you do this every time? You saw us three weeks ago!”

“Yes, I must do it!! You’re my babies!” She says hugging Sammy’s neck. His face making a playful choking expression behind her back.

You make eye contact with her nervously and you clam up not knowing what to say, but thankfully she says it first. 

“Hi! You must be Joshy’s girl! I’m Karen!” She says pulling you into a hug, you’re so glad she is overly friendly. 

“Hi, yeah I guess you could say that!” you say laughing and introducing yourself. She turns to Jake’s girlfriend pulling her in for a hug as well, “Hi sweetheart so glad to see you!”

“Mom we just came from Nashville, I know you probably think we are still sporting our thick Michigan skin but we aren’t and it’s 27 degrees out here, can you please let us in?!” Josh jokes.

She ushers you all inside the house which is much warmer than the front porch. The house is homey and smells like baked goods. There are photos adorning every wall of the home of Josh, Jake, Sam and a girl you haven’t met yet, through various stages of life. One in particular catching your eye of Josh and Jake probably around the age of 3. Jake holding a plastic guitar, and Josh holding a pretend microphone. Smiling to yourself knowing that photo was a small glimpse into the future. 

Karen leads you around the house giving you the grand tour, pointing out where each of you would be sleeping during your stay. You all drop your bags in your respective rooms and the guys immediately bolt leaving you and Jakes girlfriend with Karen. You are a bundle of nerves being alone with them without the guys as a buffer. You all walk into the kitchen and Karen hands you each a cup of coffee. “This should warm you right up!” She says.

Both of you thanking her for inviting you for Thanksgiving and letting you stay in her home. 

All of the sudden you hear a loud crashing noise from what you’re assuming is the basement. “Ope, here we go! Haven't been home 5 minutes!” Karen says. You decide to make your way down the basement steps to see if you can catch a peek at what is transpiring. The boys are physically wrestling each other on the floor. Sam and Jake are going at it as hard as they can. Jake may be smaller than Sam but he is totally kicking his ass. Josh is standing off to the side egging them on. You meet his eyes across the room and he winks before yelling “Rip his leg off Sammy boy!” In a macho sounding voice. 

After a minute or two more they both stop and sit back on their haunches. You playfully ask, “Are you two trying to kill each other or…”

“Well Josh has his ear thing, so he can’t participate but loser has to shovel the driveway.” Sam says. “Currently... it’s a draw.” Eyes squinting at Jake.

As the words leave his mouth Jake tackles him to the ground and sits on his head and counts to three. “That’ll do it boys.” He says standing up and running up the stairs.

“Ugh, every time!” Sam says before storming up the stairs to find the shovel, leaving you and Josh alone in the basement. You begin to walk around exploring the many curiosities in the room. You spot a section on the wall where each child has been measured over their lifetime and rub your finger over the carved panel. “Awww you were so little…” you say smiling over to Josh. 

“Some would say I still am!” He jokes, walking over to meet you. Clutching your coffee mug in your hand you take another sip of the perfectly warm liquid and hear a female voice ring out from upstairs, “Oh brotherrrrr…” 

“Oh, looks like my sister made it home.” Josh smiles at you.

“Your sister?! You have a sister?!” You ask shocked.

“Yeah, Ronnie, well Veronica but don’t call her that, she’ll get mad.” He says jokingly.

“Oh gosh I was not prepared!” You say.

“You’ll do fine angel, just be yourself. Everyone can’t help but to love you. I would know.” He says interlacing his fingers with yours.

Ronnie makes her way down to the basement and down the stairs, practically leaping into Josh’s arms. “Hello Ronnie…” Josh says.

“Hi Josh! I am so happy to see you! How are you feeling? Is your ear okay? Is this your girlfriend?!” She spouts off.

“I am feeling fine, my ear is… well its been better, and yes this is my girlfriend.” He smiles proudly at you. 

“Cute, nice to meet you!!!” She says excitedly.

“Nice to meet you too!” You reply before she bounds up the stairs.

“She is energetic…” you say.

“Yeah, and that is her as an adult…” he laughs.

“Thanks for bringing me here Josh, its really nice to meet your family and spend time with them.” You say shyly.

“Angel, I wanted nothing more than for you to be here with me.” He says bringing his lips to yours. You realize you have hardly kissed him today because of all the traveling and the proximity to his brothers. This makes you kiss him back a little harder to make up for it. Your hand finds its way up to his face your fingers sliding into his hair. He has shaved the sides of his head down again and the little hairs feel like velvet. As your tongues make their way into each others mouths you are quickly reminded that his mother is upstairs probably wondering where you two are. You pull away before diving back for one small quick kiss.

“I’m not done with you angel.” He says seductively pulling you closer to him.

“Well it will have to wait because there is no way we are doing this in your parents basement.” You reply.

“Fine, come on I want to show you something.” He says.

Taking your hand he leads you up the stairs and down a hallway lined with photos. At the end of the hallway on the right you step into a small bedroom. You know instantly this is Josh’s room. The walls are blue with movie posters stuck into the wall with thumbtacks, and various photos from high school taped together in a collage. His wooden queen size bed sits against a wall adorned with freshly washed blue plaid flannel sheets. Across the room is his matching desk with an outdated laptop sitting proudly atop, a handheld camera and a stack of notebooks. Josh walks over to the desk, sits down in the chair and flips through a notebook until he finds what he is looking for. 

“Ah ha, here it is, in all her glory, the first logo for Greta Van Fleet” he laughs.

You look at the scribbled drawing of a ‘GVF’ melded together into a hieroglyph style drawing. 

“You guys have really come a long way since that huh.” You smile up at him.

“Yeah, it’s crazy it all started right here too. Jake sat on that bed right there, guitar in hand and said ‘we should start a band’. That’s it, that’s all it took. He had just started really getting good at guitar and he had always helped me with my film projects so what skin was it off my back to help him with his dream? I dragged Sam along, and then came Danny. What I didn’t know then is that it would turn into this. His dream coming true and me getting to experience it along with him. All this. Its’s always been for him. I know he would have done the same for me so I never questioned it.” He says emotionally. You can tell that the emotions of being home and back in his childhood bedroom have taken ahold of him.

“Well, he’s your brother baby. Your twin actually. Your natural response is to care for him, he’s partly you, and you, him.” You reply sitting down on his lap. 

He kisses your neck and whispers “How did I get so lucky?”

Your heads snap up as you hear Karen’s voice from the hallway “Joshy! Jake! Sammy! Ron...Lets go!” 

You make your way to the kitchen and it smells divine, Karen has made dinner and this time when you see her, a man is attached to her side, who you know to be Josh’s dad Kelly. You had seen a video of him once that Josh showed you on his phone. After introductions you all are handed a plate of food and guided to the dining room table. You spend the rest of the evening laughing, chatting and getting to know each other around the Kiszka family table. You offer to help Kelly and Ronnie clean up the dishes and Josh puts a record on the record player. 

The sounds of Yes’ ‘I’ve Seen All Good People’ ring through the sound system filling the house. 

Jake and his girlfriend begin to dance, Jake twirling her around the room, her dress spinning in the air. Sam and Karen following suit, Sam dipping her in an exaggerated fashion. Everyone is laughing, smiling, and enjoying the moment. It seems like time is moving in slow motion around you. Josh makes his way up behind you, as you're drying dishes at the sink as Kelly hands them to you. Josh slides his hands around your waist hooking his fingers through your belt loops and kissing your neck. You throw your head back on top of his shoulder laughing and squirming and you wonder if this is how it’s always supposed to have been. You and Josh, here in this moment, together.

.

.

.

Sipping wine out of solo cups in the basement, the crew has gotten restless. Jake and Sam are in a heated game of Mario Kart and Ronnie and Jakes girlfriend are talking about where they want to go Black Friday shopping. Josh is laid out on the couch with his legs lazily draped over you. You feel his eyes burning into your skin. Looking over at him, his gaze locked in on you. A lot of alcohol and a little bit of freedom from his everyday life has sent him into a drunken spiral of lust, and it's directed at you. 

“We are going to head up for the night, we will have a long day of shenanigans tomorrow.” Josh announces. 

He stands up offering you his hand to help you up. He takes his red plastic cup and places it under yours, stacking them together before throwing them away in the trashcan. Leading you up the stairs and down the hall, you both make pit stops in the bathroom before walking to his bedroom. He quietly opens the door, letting you walk in before just as quietly shutting it. “We can’t be too loud, my parents are across the hall from me, of course.” He whispers.

“Okay.” you whisper motioning you zipping your mouth shut.

“I like that, I can work with that…” he says suggestively.

Rolling your eyes you pull your pajamas out of your suitcase. A pair of grey flannel pants with a matching button up top.

Josh has stripped down naked, and pulls on a pair of sweatpants. Turning off the overhead light, he flips to switch on the lamp on his bedside table. 

“Better...” he says quietly.

You begin to take off your clothes, the cool air causing your skin to cover with goosebumps. You quickly pull on your pajamas, relieved at the warmth of the fabric.

Josh pulls the comforter back and crawls in, you can tell he has always slept in the same spot as the bed slightly dips on the left side. He lets out a sigh of comfort and you turn off the lamp and crawl in next to him, aligning your body with his as the little spoon. 

“Just like I remember it.” He says, “but with one new addition.” he adds as he kisses the back of your head. 

“Do you get to come home very often?” You ask.

“No. Not nearly as much as I want to. I can usually make it home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and a week or so around the middle of summer, if we aren’t touring.” He replies sadly. 

“But when I do get to come home, all of the stress in my life just melts away. It’s something about the air here. It’s clearer and calmer. Having you here with me just makes it that much better.” He says softly.

Turning over to your back you roll to face him and reach your hand to his face. You rub your thumb over his lips before gently pressing a kiss to them and whispering “I love you.”

“I love you too angel.” He says kissing you back with just as much love care and tenderness as you felt in his words. His left hand finds the skin of your stomach and slides up to cup your breast, massaging your supple skin. 

Your hand migrates down to the hem of his sweatpants, slowly dipping below the surface and grazing the smattering of hair right above his base. You grab his length wrapping your hand around and squeezing gently, a silent plea that you want this to progress.

His hand makes its way to your center, feeling your warmth through the fabric of your pajama pants. His fingers gently untie the bow at your waist and begin to slide the pants down your legs. Once they are successfully off, his follow.

“Turn over baby, gonna have you like this...” He whispers in your ear.

You are back in a spooning position, the tip of his dick resting on the crotch of your panties. 

“You have to be quiet, silent actually. Im going to fuck you, slow and deep and you’re not gonna make a sound. Okay?” He says.

“Okay.” you reply breathlessly.

His fingers find the crotch of your panties and two fingers dip underneath the fabric and graze through your wetness before sliding up to circle your clit a few times. A small whimper escaping your mouth. 

“Hush baby or i’ll spank you next time.” He says into your ear with a bite.

His fingers pull your panties further to the side and he aligns the tip with your core. Thrusting his hips forward his dick slides into you easily with a little more tightness than usual from your side laying position. “Fuck angel, you are so tight like this.” Hey says.

“Hush baby...” you mock back at him.

He pumps into you hard one good time “oh angel are you mocking me?” He says thrusting again.

“Mmmm” you respond.

His hips begin to move slightly faster, and you feel your orgasm growing in your belly. 

“Never did I think I would be fucking the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen in this bed.” He grunts out.

“Shhhhh…” you reply.

“Oh baby you’re asking for it now.” He replies. His hand reaching around, fingers diving into the front of your panties pushing your hips back and holding you there as he continues to thrust into you. His fingers circling your clit.

“Josh I’m close, I’m gonna…” you breath out.

“Another sound and you're over my knee at the next opportunity baby, make your choice.”

One more hard thrust and you throw your head to the side, your mouth connecting with his as your orgasm runs its course inside of you. Your soft moan echoing into Josh’s open mouth. 

He pulls you into him harder and pumps twice more before a grunt leaves his chest and you feel his cum wash over your insides. 

“Tomorrow, while my family is in the house enjoying the lovely day, I am going to spank your ass and then I am going to fuck you over the amps in the garage. Bet on it angel.” He says pulling out of you. 

He smoothes the hair away from your neck giving you a gentle kiss, before saying “also, love you so much and goodnight.”

Shaking your head smiling, you say “can’t wait and I love you too you, goodnight Josh.”

.

.

.

Pies. Waking up you smell pie. You realize Karen must already be up and started on cooking for Thanksgiving Dinner. You open your eyes and roll over and are greeted with the beautiful sight of Josh sleeping soundly next to you. The sun from the window splaying perfect yellow rays on his angelic face. His lips are slightly parted, and you silently think to yourself how unfair it is that his lips are so naturally plump and pink. You can see his eyes moving beneath the lid and realize that he is dreaming. The corners of his mouth begin to turn upward almost like he is trying to smile. You lay your head further into the pillow and just watch him for a few minutes. He is easily one of the most beautiful people you’ve ever seen and you can’t believe he is yours. You also think about how the identical, darker, broodier copy of him is in the next room over. Lighting struck twice. You make it a point to try to get to know Jake better this weekend. You have only had a few exchanges with him, but he is Josh’s twin, and his best friend and that makes him just as important to you. As you sit in your thoughts, a commotion from the kitchen rings through the house followed by a ‘sorry’. 

Josh’s eyes slowly open and he smiles sleepily at you, stretching out his legs before pulling you over on top of him. “Good morning my beautiful *kiss* beautiful *kiss* girl.” he says affectionately. “How did you sleep?” He asks.

“I sleep like a log, I was exhausted.” You reply. 

“Have you been up long?” He asks.

“Maybe 15 minutes?” You respond.

“You were just laying here waiting for me to wake up?” He asks.

“Kind of, I was watching you sleep and daydreaming. You were dreaming and smiling.” You say.

“What were you day dreaming about?” He asks.

“I was thinking about how beautiful you are and how I can’t believe that you chose me.” You reply.

“I would always choose you angel. And I always will. In a crowd of people the only face I see is yours.” He says with a kiss.

Smiling at him you roll off of him and stand up, starting to dig through your suitcase for your toiletries and the outfit you have carefully selected for the day.

A camel brown vintage style corduroy skirt, a cream colored cable knit sweater and knee high riding boots, finishing off with a cream and maroon plaid knotted headband.

You collect your items, blow Josh a kiss and head for the bathroom in the hallway. 

After your shower you’re feeling immensely better. A quick curled blow out and simple makeup and you’re ready to socialize. 

As you pass Josh in the hallway he has showered and is walking around in a towel heading for his bedroom. 

As you enter the living room, you see the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade playing on the TV over the fireplace. Kelly, Karen, and Ronnie are in the kitchen elbow deep in a turkey, who is about to meet its fate in the oven. Sam opting to sit this one out on the couch. You grab a cup of coffee and join him on the couch. Josh, Jake, and his girlfriend slowly filter out one by one until all of you are in the living room together, commenting about the performers and the gigantic balloons floating by. You spend much of the day with the group of siblings playing games in the basement, singing along to songs with Kelly in the kitchen and and chatting about shopping with Karen and Ronnie. Around 4 o’clock Karen announces that it is time to eat and you all collect in the kitchen to watch Jake cut the turkey. Apparently this is his thing, and he has done it for years. You all plate your food and select a seat at the beautifully set dining table.

 Everyone is mostly done with their plates and just chatting with each other when Karen suggest going around the table and talking about the highs and lows of everyones year.  Each family member taking their turn, discussing the hurt and pain and the joys and triumphs of their past year. As Josh begins on his turn his hand finds yours under the table squeezing it for support.

“It has been one of the hardest years of my life. I have had a few unthinkable things happen to me throughout the course of this year, jeopardizing what all of us here have worked so hard for and sacrificed so much for. I can truly say that I am immensely grateful for the love and support that you all, my family, have shown me this year. I wouldn’t have made it with out you…” he turns towards you “and If it weren’t for this girl right here, bringing me out of a fairly dark place when things were tough, I would have surely thrown it all away. The best decision I have ever made is sitting right here at this table with us, and I hope that she will continue by my side for years to come. Anyways, I love you all very much, and Happy Thanksgiving.” He finishes. Your eyes welling up with prideful tears for your love. You feel so lucky to be sitting at his side, and you too hope that you’ll be sitting here for years to come. 

After the emotional experience that was Thanksgiving dinner, you again help out the girls with the dishes. The guys going down to the basement to have their ‘shenanigans’ as they keep calling it. As you finish the dishes, the girls decide to watch a Christmas movie, already excited about the impending holiday. You decide to go down to see what the guys are up to. As you reach the bottom of the stairs the smell of weed hits you like a ton of bricks. 

“Ah, I see now what shenanigans are...” You laugh.

“Babyyyy” Josh exaggerates, “come take it hit, it will be fun.” He implores.

You decide what the hell, and sit down on the carpet with them, “alright, let me have it Sammy.” You say reaching your hand out.

“Alright, good girl isn’t so good…” Jake says with glazed eyes and a smile.

You take a small pull from the diminishing joint and inhale it into your lungs before slowly letting it leave your lips.

“Oh Jesus, that was hotter than I expected it to be.” Josh says. “everyday you surprise me.”

Shaking your head laughing you pass it over to Jake. The circle continues until the joint is dead. All of you absolutely gone when all is said and done. 

Jake and Sam head upstairs to find out what leftovers there are to eat and you and Josh are left in the basement. 

“I think I am ready to make good on my promise pretty girl.” Josh says swiping his thumb across your lips. 

“And what promise is that?” You ask.

Your head floating you stare directly into his eyes and you swear you can see his brain at work.

“Lets go.” He says standing up and pulling your arm with him. You walk up the stairs, through the kitchen and out the side door. The garage is detached and sits slightly away from the house. You walk down a gravel path that leads to a door on the front of the garage. Josh grabs a key from over the door jam and unlocks the door before placing the key back. Stepping inside he flicks a light switch and an old fluorescent light audibly flickers on. This isn’t just a garage, this was their music space. There is a rug in the middle of the garage, a small black drum kit, and two sets of stacked amps on either side of it. Josh shuts the door behind you pushing out the cold air. He pushes you up against the door, his mouth desperately finding yours. Your hands grabbing at the tiny curls at the back of his neck, you arch your neck giving him access to your throat. He pulls your skirt up around your waist and slides your panties off, shoving them into his pocket. His hand returns and his fingers slide through your slick. The moan that escapes you is louder than usual, and you aren’t sure if it is the weed causing this but you’re fairly positive it is. Your senses are heightened and you are feeling things more intensely than before. Spreading your legs with his knee he squats down and wraps his arms around your thighs, his mouth connecting to your core. His tongue ricocheting in continuous motions against your clit. A scream crying out of you as the assault continues. A “mmmm” vibrates again your center as Josh says “you taste even better now than you normally do.” This sends your head spiraling and you are loosing yourself to the beautiful kaleidoscopic patterns forming in your closed eyelids. “Josh fuck me now before I cum.” you beg.

He stands up and leads you over the stack of amps. “Im going to make good on that promise angel. Remember, you made this choice last night.” Bending you over the front of the amplifier, he positions him self behind you and with a crash a slap rings out on your ass. “Count” he says.

“One.” You say.

“Good angel, again.” He breathes before delivering another harsh blow.

“Two.” You cry. 

“Ahh so beautiful pretty girl.” Another blow lands on the red welting skin.

“Three.” A tear forms at your eye.

“One more baby.” He says delivering the final blow to the bright red skin. 

“Four.” You choke back a sob of pleasure. 

Leaning down kissing the throbbing skin Josh says “You did so good, baby. I love the way your body responds for me.”

Suddenly you feel Josh’s dick sliding into your dripping wet center. “You love it don't you baby... You are soaking wet for me.” He says. “We have to be quick, they will be coming to find us any minute.” You agree nodding your head. 

Placing his hand firmly on your shoulder he begins to thrust into you pounding away at that sensitive collection of nerves inside of you. Your brain foggy from the weed begins to notice that your orgasm is already quickly approaching, “Josh I’m close. Please harder.” You beg. 

He begins to drill into you harder your skin connecting and echoing off the garage walls. He moves his hands to either side of your hips pulling you to him and thrusting hard into you, his moan setting off your orgasm as you scream loudly into the cluttered garage. “God damn it angel, that was so fucking good” he says with a few more deep thrusts. “Im going to cum inside of you. Make you mine.” He says  “Im cumming, god i’m cumming, fuck” with an explosive jolt you feel him fill you. 

Hearing voices faintly outside, Josh quickly pulls out and pulls his pants on, tucking his sensitive dick in the waistband of his pants. He quickly throws you your panties and you slide them on and pull your skirt down just as the door knob rattles, feeling his cum dripping out of you. 

Jake, his girlfriend and Sam and Ronnie step into the garage and stare at you. 

“Oh god were you fucking?” Jake says in a grossed out voice. “On my amp, dude??” he says placing his hands over his head and walking out. 

You and Josh smirking but not responding. 

“Gross.” Ronnie says.

“Anyways… we were coming to find you to see if you wanted to jam in the basement for a while, Danny is heading over.” Sam says. 

“What do you think angel, shall we?” Josh asks.

“Yeah, let’s do it.” You reply.

You all make your way out of the garage and lock it up before making the walk back to the house and into the basement. 

The guys have been playing and messing around with new sounds for well over two hours. Everyone is a little bit drunk off hard seltzers, causing the giggles. The guys have played through some new music they are working on, no words written yet of course. Jake leans over to Josh and holds his hand up to cover his lips moving, and whispers in his ear. A smile erupting across Josh’s face as he nods his head. They telephone the secret message to each other until all of the guys are aware of the situation. Suddenly Jake starts playing his guitar, a soft and sweet melody ringing through the room. The rest of the guys come in and complete the sound.

Josh relaxes into the chair, and starts to softly sing playfully staring right into your eyes with a smile. As he makes it to the chorus you are feeling your smile in your cheeks. You are smiling so hard, and you notice that Josh’s eyes haven’t left yours this whole time as he continues to sing.

‘You’re the one I have, so come on back to me…’

As they wrap up the song Jake looks at the rest of the guys and says “Been a while for that one.”

“Too long, but now it’s right.” Josh says reaching his hand towards yours, lacing his fingers with yours he stands up and pulls you to stand with him. 

“Goodnight.” He says tipping his head at everyone, you shrugging your shoulders smiling towards them.

Making the way to his bedroom he throws his arm over your shoulders pulling you into his side to walk side by side. Passing Karen in the living room she shoots you a soft smile and you can see the joy on her face, seeing her son so happy.

You enter the bedroom, softly lit by the side table lamp. You both change into your pajamas and you crawl into bed and turn off the light. The relaxed feeling from the weed, sex, and alcohol has turned your body into a useless collection of limbs. Josh throws his arm over you pulling you in tightly to his chest. “I meant every single thing I said today. You are so important to me, and I care about you so much. I hope you’re here with me for everything from now on.” he says “You fit in perfectly with everyone. They all love you. They told me.” He says in your ear. 

“Who told you that?” You ask.

“Jake…” He replies, “My mom, Ronnie, Sam…” they have all pulled me aside today to tell me how wonderful they think you are. I can’t help but agree.” He says kissing your head. 

“What did Jake say?” You question further. You have been the most nervous about him accepting you. He is Josh’s better half and his voice of reason, his guiding light, and Josh his. 

“I cant tell you exactly what he said, that’s between us. Just know that he wants you to stay as much as I do.” He says. 

Content with that answer you let it be. “I love you Josh, I am so glad I found you.” You say with a drowsy voice.

“Ahh angel, I love you too. So much. A place in my heart will forever belong to you.” He says with another kiss snuggling his head into his pillow. The next thing you hear is the even breaths from his perfect lips.

.

.

.

[your-eternal-muse]

Wish I Were....

Heather Series Chapter 12 (FINAL PART)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Bonus!:Readers Card Confession Bonus!:To Hold On, To Let Go, Spencers take Bonus!:Series Playlist

Summery: Reader no longer wishes she were someone else

Words: 4k

Warnings: Swearing, Description of Birth, just pure, tooth aching fluff

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Y/N: This is it y’all. This is the final chapter of the Heather's Series. I started this journey a little over a month ago, and my god, has it been amazing. I never thought it would pick up the traction it did, and I am so glad I decided to start posting in the first place. I’m gonna take a short break from posting any writing just to recuperate and stuff, but it won’t last longer than a week, and I will still be interacting on the platform itself. I want to thank every single reader who has liked and/or reblogged my work. It means so much to me, and I would not have gotten this far without your support. I love you all with all of my heart. There will be one more bonus “chapter” that I will be posting within the next couple days, but it’ll be mostly headcanons, and answering any questions you may have about the series. I hope the ending is worth it. 

With love, your eternal muse,

Frankie <3

~~~~~

I used to be a night owl.

I used to live in the night, sit under the stars and soak it all up.

I used to not go to bed until hours after the sunset, perfectly content to not waking up until hours after it had risen.

Now, I’m lucky to sleep for a few hours between dusk and dawn.

But I’m okay with that.

The ringing of trembling tears echoes through my ears, and I stir awake.

I rub my face, looking at the clock as I push back the comforter.

4 am.

Oh goody.

“I’ve got her baby, go back to sleep.”

Spencer whispers in my ear, planting a kiss on my shoulder, and I’m not one to argue.

I fall back into the pillows, pulling the blanket back up to my chin, my eyes closing without much resistance.

I wake an hour late, expecting to feel his body warmth against my back.

I turn, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, realizing that the blanket is still pulled back from when he got up the hour before.

Oh dear lord please tell me she didn’t get sick.

I climb out of bed, padding down the hallway towards the soft glow of light emitting from her room.

I pause at the doorway, watching as he holds her close to his chest, a smile draped across his face.

I can’t help but stand and watch as he sways back and forth, watching her sleep in his arms.

I notice her tiny hand is clasped around his ring finger, the gold of his wedding band glowing in the dim light.

I love that ring on him.

I never thought I’d be the one to put it on him.

My heart is pounding in my chest.

Why am I so nervous?

He’s not going to leave me stranded.

Right?

Jesus, get a grip, y/n.

“Are you ready y/n?” Hotch walks around the corner, fixing his cuff links as he walks up to me.

I take a deep breath in, trying to convince myself that I wasn’t going to throw up.

“Yep. I’m ready, I just….” I fan myself. “Is it normal to feel like you’re going to pass out on your wedding day?”

He smiles, coming forward and taking hold of my hand. “It is. And I guarantee you, he’s worse than you are.”

I laugh, just imagining the state he’s in.

He hasn’t seen me in three days, since I’m a stickler for tradition.

It was my bachelorette party, than his bachelor party, and now here we are.

“When Haley and I got married, I was a nervous wreck. I don’t think I took a normal breath until hours after just because I was so worried about everything going to plan.”

He brushes some of the curls framing my face out of my eye sight.

“But, when I met her eyes, it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. It was just us, and I knew, at that moment, that everything would be okay.”

I nod, exhaling. “Okay. I’m ready.”

He loops my arm through his, turning to the closed doors where my future waits for me.

“Thank you, Aaron. For giving me away. You’re the closest thing to a father I’ve got.”

He pats my hand. “It’s my honor, y/n.”

I hear the start of the music, and my heart jump starts. 

I grip his arm, trying to control my breathing. 

“Don’t let me fall.”

“Never.”

The doors open, and for a moment, I panic.

But then my eyes meet his.

And everything else disappears.

His hands are clasped in front of him, and I see him look me over, taking in everything.

Tears are streaming down both of our faces, and god, I never realized how much I missed him when he’s gone.

We reach the altar, where a proud Rossi stands, and Hotch hands me off with a kiss to my cheek.

I hand JJ my flowers, turning clasping Spencer's hands in mine.

When my hand touches his, my breathing returns to normal.

However, before I even notice, JJ is handing me a folded piece of paper that holds my vows.

Weddings always seem longer when you’re not in them.

I unfold the paper, clearing my throat.

“I don’t have an eidetic memory, so I need this so I don’t make a fool of myself.”

A couple laughs from the crowd.

Okay, here goes nothing.

“The first time I saw you, you were sitting at your desk, while Derek and JJ sat around you, watching you explain the scientific inaccuracies of Star Wars.”

He laughs, and Derek pats his shoulder from behind him.

“I was awestruck to say the least. The way your eyes lit up with excitement, how your hands couldn’t stay still.”

I take a breath, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“I fell in love with you at that moment. But I knew I was done for when you looked at me for the first time.”

Rossi produces a tissue from his pocket, and I laugh, accepting and blotting at my tears.

“You are my best friend. You are there for me in my darkest times, and are often the cause of all my light ones. You hold me when I cry, and you laugh when I’m angry at something stupid. You never make me feel stupid. You are the greatest thing to have ever happened to me.”

Christ, why was this so hard?

“I love you. And I promise to cherish you, and not get annoyed when you ramble on about god knows what, because I love to listen to you talk. I promise to never make you feel like you don’t matter, because you matter so much. I promise to love you through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, until the end of time itself. I choose you, forever and always.”

I fold the paper up again, dabbing away my tears.

“Well, look at that, I still made a fool of myself.”

More laughs, and I hear a few sniffles here and there. 

Spencer wipes his own eyes. “I don’t know if I can top that.”

I giggle.

He goes into his jacket, and pulls out a white envelope, and my face scrunches in confusion.

“It’s not what you think it is.” He whispers.

He opens it, pulling out a car, and begins to read from the inside.

“You told me once, in a card similar to this one, that the moment you admitted to yourself that you loved me, was on a road trip to visit my mom. I thought it fitting that I tell you that, that was the moment I admitted to myself that I loved you in the same way. So here we are.”

I bring a hand up to my mouth, covering the ugly sobs that threaten to spill out.

“We had only known each other for a month, but you were easily taking over every brain cell in my mind. I was terrified of you saying no, but I asked anyway. Those two weeks were some of the best of my life. I fell in love with your laugh, your smile, the way your hair looks in the sunlight. I fell in love with you from the driver's seat and I’ve loved you ever since. You deserve to be reminded of that every day for the rest of your life. I promise to hold and cherish the heart that you have given me. I promise to catch you, every time you run away. I promise to protect you with my life. You mean everything to me, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of forever with you. I love you, forever and always.”

He closes it, and it takes a moment for me to gather myself.

“I promise I didn’t look at your vows before writing mine.”

I laugh.

Rossi clears his throat. “The rings please, Henry.”

Henry walks forward, our rings sitting on the pillow as he smiles at us. 

“Thank you buddy.” I say, taking hold of Spencer’s between my fingers.

“Alright. Y/n, repeat after me. I, Y/n Y/l/n, take Spencer Reid, to be my husband.”

I repeat the words, a smile growing bigger and bigger on my face.

“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until the end of time.”

Can I kiss him yet?

I say the words, like casting a spell, before slipping the golden band onto his finger.

Rossi repeats the phrase, and Spencer’s smile is as big as mine, if not bigger.

“Until the end of time.”

He delicately slips the ring on my finger, and my heart starts pounding.

“One more question for each of you. I promise, we're almost there.”

He smiles at each of us, before turning back to me.

“Do you, Y/n Y/l/n, take Spencer Reid as your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

Not even a question.

“And do you, Spencer Reid, take Y/n Y/l/n as your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.”

I start bouncing on my toes, too excited to care.

“Then it is my great pleasure and honor to pronounce you, husband and wife.”

He turns to Spencer. “You may now kiss the bride.”

He doesn’t hesitate, cradling my face in his hands as he places his lips on mine.

It’s just me and him, in an empty room.

I move my hands up his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck.

It’s only when we break, that I remember people are here, and the room is filled with applause.

With our hands clasped together we walk back down the aisle, and I swear I am never going to be this happy ever again. And that’s okay.

My eyes fall from his arms, to the dresser sitting next to her crib. 

The top is covered with photos, personalized trinkets, and books. 

One picture is framed with her name in gold lettering down the side.

My first sonogram.

Through the glass I can see wrinkles in the film.

Spencer carried it with him until the day she was born.

He had always mentioned how he wanted to have kids someday.

It didn’t make me any less nervous to tell him, though.

“Hello?”

“Hi! Is this Mrs. Y/n Reid?”

I stop writing, my pen mid stroke on my paper.

“This is she.”

“Hello! This is Nicole calling from United Health with the results of your pregnancy test.”

Jesus that was fast.

“Oh! That was quicker than I expected.”

I set my pen down, closing my file, pushing some hair behind my ear, looking around to see if anyone was in ear shot.

They weren’t.

“We get that a lot. But, I’d like to say congratulations! You are pregnant!”

I stop breathing for a moment.

“Oh my god. Oh my god! Thank you!”

Holy shit.

Holy fucking shit.

“You’re so welcome! Congratulations again! Have a great rest of your day!”

I hang up, still trying to grasp the words that have just been spoken to me.

I’m pregnant.

I’m fucking pregnant.

Holy fuck.

“Y/n? Baby, are you okay?”

I snap out of my daze to see Spencer standing beside my desk, a look of skeptical worry on his face.

“Uh...yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. Um…”

I have to tell him. I can’t keep this a secret from him, even if I wanted to try and surprise him.

I stand, running my hands over my pants.

“Okay, somethings wrong. You do that when you’re nervous.”

I can’t help but laugh, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Nothings wrong, Spence. Um, I just got a call from United Health.”

He’s confused, setting the file in his hand, down on my desk.

“Why would United Health be calling you?”

There are days when I can't believe he has an I.Q. of 187.

“I went in yesterday, to get a test done. I’ve been gaining weight, and I’ve been getting sick in the mornings. I also skipped my last period.”

I can sense the wheels beginning to turn in his head.

“Wait. Are you…”

I nod, tears falling down my cheeks. “I’m pregnant, Spencer.”

It takes a moment for the words to register in his brain, but then he’s yelling in excitement, throwing his arms around my waist, picking me up and spinning me around.

He sets me down, his eyes red rimmed, his smile one I will never forget.

“You’re pregnant. Oh my god we’re having a baby.”

His hands are placed on either side of my face, and I can’t help but laugh at his infectious excitement.

“Who’s having a baby, now?”

Derek walks up, and Spencer turns, and I know Derek knows just by the shit eating grin on Spencer’s face.

But I just love saying it.

“I’m pregnant.”

Derek’s eyes light up as he claps his hands together, before pulling Spencer into a hug. “My man!”

JJ and Emily gather around, all smiles and squeals as I’m captured in the middle of a group hug.

Penelope walks into the bullpen then, confusion written across her face.

“What’s going on out here? Why are you guys screaming? Who won the lottery?”

I bite my lip, trying to hold back the smile.

“I’m pregnant!” I all but scream.

Penelope’s expression changes in an instant as she practically runs forward.

“Oh my god! Holy crap! Baby genius! That’s so much better than the lottery!” 

She catches me in a bone crushing hug before suddenly pulling back.

“Crap. Sorry. Fragile baby.”

“Congratulations baby girl.” Derek swaps places with Penelope, who is now hugging Spencer with everything she has.

“Alright, why are you guys hugging each other?”

Rossi and Hotch walk through the glass doors, taking in the commotion.

I feel Spencer wrap his arms around me from behind, as he kisses my shoulder, my neck, my cheek.

“I’m pregnant!”

A smile immediately forms on Rossi’s face as he comes forward, grasping my face between his hands, kissing me on each of my cheeks.

“Congratulations, principessa.”

“Congratulations, to both of you.”

Hotch is smiling, waiting his turn to give hugs.

“It’s decided, celebratory dinner at my place tonight!” Rossi announces and we all cheer.

I turn my head, placing my hands over Spencer’s which are now resting over my stomach.

“I love you.” I smile.

“I love you, too. Both of you.”

Soft humming breaks the silence of the room, and quiet words float through the air as he sings to her sleeping form.

“Come Josephine, in my flying machine. Going up she goes, up she goes.”

I enter the room then, tip toeing over to stand by his side, leaning my head against his shoulder as I gently stroke her hair.

“Up, up, a little bit higher. Oh! My! The moon is on fire! Come, Josephine in my flying machine going up, all on, goodbye!”

She’s tiny.

I couldn’t fathom how tiny she was a month ago, and she has grown, but she’s still so small.

Has it already been a month?

“Jesus fuck, I  promised myself this wouldn’t happen at work.”

I shouldn’t have come in.

I know that.

I know that waking up with contractions is a tell tale sign that you should not go to work.

But she isn’t due for another two weeks. Two weeks is a long time. Hopefully enough time to get a grip on myself so I don’t panic that I’m gonna fail as a mother every time I think about it too hard.

I thought maybe I could just get through the day, but the warm stream trickling down my leg is a big fuck no to that.

I’m trying to steady my breathing, the cup of tea I was making abandoned on the counter as I grip the edge with a force I didn’t know I had.

“Y/n? Is everything okay?”

Hotch walks up, worry creasing his brow.

He places a hand on my back, a comfort as pain ripples up and down my spine.

I shake my head. “I need Spencer.”

I shift my weight from leg to leg. “And a towel.”

He nods his head, looking around for a chair, frowning when he comes up empty.

“Aaron,” I say, turning my head towards him. “Please go get my husband.”

“Right.” He nods, taking a second to make sure I wasn’t going to topple over before almost running towards Penelope's bat cave.

A hiss escapes my mouth as I feel a jab in my side.

“Yeah, I know baby, I wish he would hurry the fuck up too.”

A plethora of footsteps fall upon my ears, and Spencer immediately places a hand on my lower back, taking hold of mine with his other.

“How far apart are they?” is the first thing out of his mouth.

“I’m fine, honey, thanks for asking.” I say as we start to make our way towards the front glass doors.

He gives me a look and I sigh.

“I don’t know. I thought if I didn’t count they’d go away and I could pretend this isn’t happening at work.”

“I wish it worked like that.” JJ laughs, holding open the door and what I presume is my go bag.

“Me too.” I grit, squeezing Spencer’s hand.

“Remember our deal. Not one statistic, or fact is to be uttered from your mouth today. You are not a doctor once we enter the hospital.”

I can see the panic start to form on his face, but he laughs.

“Yes ma’am.”

~~~

I’m never doing this again.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in this much pain before.

I’ve been in this room for what feels like forever, because she’s taking her sweet time being early.

No amount of pillows or soothing rubs can help the aches that are washing over me.

My hair is falling from the bun I threw it up in, sweat coating every inch of skin I have.

I feel gross in every sense of the word.

I lean forward and groan as another contraction rips through me.

How do women do this?

Spencer brushes some hair out of my face and lays a cool washcloth on my neck as I grip the side rails of my bed.

“You’re doing so good baby.”

It feels like I can’t breath.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

He knows there’s not much he can do right now to help, but he holds my hand, trailing his hand up and down my back.

“Just a little bit longer. I promise. She’s almost here. You’re doing so good, y/n. I’m so proud of you.”

If only he knew about the panic flowing through my veins, the thoughts that I’m not ready to be a mom bouncing around my skull like an insistent headache.

A knock at the door, and my doctor walks in, smiles and bright eyes. “How are you feeling, y/n?”

“Like a,” I groan, trying to move away from the pain, shifting forward and backwards. “Like a million bucks.”

She laughs, and I don’t have the energy to be nice and laugh with her.

“Well, I still need to check, but I’m pretty sure you’re ready to push.”

I close my eyes, not wanting to look as she sticks her fingers in a place that will need some R&R after this. 

“I was right. You’re ready. Now, your body knows exactly what to do. It’s best to not fight it, and just listen to what it’s telling you okay?”

I start to move myself back away from her, my breathing picking up pace.

I can’t do this.

“No. No. I can’t. I’m not ready.”

She doesn’t seem phased at all, but Spencer easily notices the fear in my voice. 

“Hey, Hey, Hey. Look at me.” His hands stroke the sides of my face, and his fingers are wet from my tears and sweat.

I shake my head. “I’m not doing this. I’m not ready. What if I fail? I don’t want to fail her. I can’t. No. I’m gonna be a horrible mother.”

“Y/n, baby, breath with me.” He takes my hand, and places it on his chest.

I can feel his breaths beneath his breastbone, the frantic heartbeats that give away his true state of mind.

I hate that I’m stressing him out.

“You are going to be a great mother. One of the best. I don’t think you could fail even if you tried.”

He brushes my tears away. “But you can’t force your body to stop. You need to let go. I’m right here.”

“Alright, were ready, y/n.”

My eyes pass between Spencer’s and I know he’s right.

I just need to let go.

I nod, and I move back to where I was. 

My left hand grips the rail, while my right is situated inside Spencer’s. 

I feel the next contraction start. 

“Alright I need you to push for me.” 

I’m on the brink of a mental breakdown, but I take a breath and let my muscles do the work.

I hear that groaning and screaming can actually help, so that’s what I do. 

With every push, my voice grows louder, words lost in the back of my throat.

But I’m getting tired, and I can feel myself crashing. 

So when another contraction pulses through me, I push myself forward, and use every muscle in my body.

“Get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!” 

I don’t think I’ve ever screamed that loud, but it seemed to work.

It felt like a gush and then crys fill the room.

I fall back onto the bed, tears streaming down my face.

“She’s beautiful!” I hear my doctor say over her screams.

Spencer kisses my forehead, his own tears coating his face. “You were amazing, baby. I’m so proud of you.”

“Here she is!”

My doctor lays a bundle of white blankets onto my chest, and when I see her face, my heart stops. 

The world could be burning around me, but I wouldn’t care. Even covered in gunk and red faced, she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. 

I sob, holding her close to me, Spencer right there beside me, his hand gently stroking the top of her head. 

“Hi, Ettie.” I whisper. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

“She’s so beautiful.” He whispers, his voice thick with emotion. 

I can’t take my eyes off her. I never want to let go of her.

Nothing else matters anymore, nothing but her.

Juliet Diana Reid.

Born at 6:08 am, on the third of December.

He places her in my arms, and I clutch her close to my chest as I move back towards her crib to lay her down again.

I don’t understand how I could have ever doubted how amazing my life would be with her in it.

Soft snores emit from her small mouth, and Spencer wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder, only moving when he hears me sniffle.

“Why are you crying, love?” he whispers

I wipe my face, turning around so I can face him.

His hands are on my hips, his thumbs rubbing circles on my skin.

“For so long, I was jealous of so many people.” My hands play with the fabric of his t-shirt, rubbing it between my fingers.

“I was jealous of Heather. Of what she had.”

My hands move up his chest, coming to rest at the base of his neck. 

“I dreamed about this. About having this with you. And I never thought I would get it. But here I am.”

I smile up at him. “I have everything I have ever wanted. I wouldn’t wish for another life even if it was offered. I have you, and Ettie, and the life I wanted so bad. I’m just…”

I swallow the noise threatening to spill from my throat, so I don’t wake up the sleeping girl behind me. 

“I’m just really happy is all.”

He smiles softly down at me, and he brings up a hand to cup my cheek. 

He leans down and kisses me slowly, gently, in a way that always leaves me paralyzed. 

“I love you.” He whispers. 

I nuzzle my nose against his, before laying my head against his chest, feeling his arms wrap around me, holding me tight against him. 

“I love you, too.”

I love you, Spencer.

I love you.

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[sangonomiyashrine]

Hello! I would like to try and ask for a kin assignment for any Danganronpa game you want, yttd, and ddlc if that’s alright with you! Admittedly I don’t know what I’m doing but I’ll try to keep this as short as I can!

I believe my MBTI is INFP but I have a really bad memory so honestly I could be wrong

I tried researching my enneagram before but honestly none of the free ones made any sense to me and I didn’t wanna spend like $10 so I don’t know, sorry. I also have no idea what socionics, attitudinal psyche, or global 5 are since I’ve never heard those terms before.

People seem to think I’m an extrovert due to how I act with friends but I personally think I’m an introvert since interacting is tiring.

I’ve been told I’m funny, nice, helpful, and smart I guess? Also intimidating :(

I like games (especially strategy), listening to music, and collecting rocks/shiny objects or things I think are funny.

Idk if you mean emotional state as in right now or like overall but overall I’m a train wreck but right now I’m just disappointed I bought the wrong kind of cream cheese I guess.

I am not good at socializing with people I don’t already know so I just… don’t. Problem solved >:)

I don’t really have any kins for myself personally but my friend thinks I should kin Chiaki, Sonia, and Maki if that counts lol.

I guess in general my sense of humor is pretty much my only defining characteristic but it’s sort of like dark anti-humor if that makes sense. Like those jokes that don’t build up to anything I think those are hilarious but just like “haha crime am I right gamers” yeah that’s my entire personality.

Anyway that’s all I got, just want to say I appreciate you for being one of the only blogs that I’ve come across for this that’s not like “alright all I need to know is your name, hobbies, social security number, make and model of your first car, 3 numbers on the back of your credit card, and your favorite color :)” lol anyway have a nice day! Byeeee!

you remind me of..

Chiaki Nanami - I agree with your friend, anon. you're pretty similar to chiaki here. your vibe in particular is reminiscent of her, you seem very chill and easygoing but maybe a bit bland on the surface. she's pretty intelligent and can be a bit intimidating due to not being the most social, but she's really kind and helpful. I view her as the type to go from having a lot of fun with her friends to just holing herself up in her room for a few weeks. she probably has a bad memory and I can see her taking interest in your hobbies.

Ranmaru Kageyama - like you seem to be, he's a pretty chill and easygoing guy. he's logical and tries to be helpful/useful to the group. he's pretty bad at socializing with strangers, as we can see in his introduction. he's not failing miserably but we can tell he's nervous. when he gets closer to sara, he becomes even more kind and a bit more extroverted, but he's still an introvert through and through.

Natsuki - as we can tell mostly from ddlc+, she seems extroverted around her friends, but does need to get away to relax every once in a while. she's implied to be really funny around her friends, and I can see her sharing your type of humor and interests. she can be intimidating to strangers due to her cranky attitude, but she's really kind and truly cares about the other members. I can see her being interested in your hobby of collecting shiny or funny objects. she has her emotional issues due to her family problems, but she tries to be easygoing about life.

[kaleidoscopek9]

ALRIGHT-

SO

I've had this list of headcannons just sitting in my notes app of my phone and I wanna put it somewhere so 👀

(These are heavily inspired by what I could gather from the skele boys in @bonelyheartsclub! I just threw in a few of my own.)

-----------*

Sans

- Does a LOT of stargazing and has quite a few space-themed knicknacks and clothes in his room. He's got a telescope too!

- Dad jokes. Any time is prime dad joke time. He's never let an opportunity slip past him.

- He's an absolute prank master. You're considered lucky if you happen to avoid the ones he's planted around the house like bombs waiting to go off.

- He's cryptic as fuck. Always giving half-true answers to every question. Occasionally he may slip up and give you a brutally honest response, but that's only with the people he trusts most, and he finds being open to be very difficult.

- He's constantly referencing memes and vine quotes from days of yore. He practically has a database of every meme ever in his head, and he doesnt let it go to waste.

- Cuddling with him is basically a one way ticket to nap-town, and you constantly find yourself waking up to him smooshed against you on the couch after dozing off. For being a skeleton, he is a surprisingly comfortable snuggler.

-----------*

Papyrus

-So much baking and cooking. It's his favorite past time, and the kitchen never smells the same when he's done making whatever he's making in there (it's 12 times out of 10 pasta) And while his cooking may be sub-par, you never say no when he asks you to try his latest dish.

- He's always up to go shopping with you. It never matters where. Malls are his favorite, especially the big grand ones with fountains and huge windows. He makes it a point to bring spare cash because you KNOW he's going to ride the mini marry-go-round even if he can barely fit in the seats.

- You two love to binge watch cooking channels. Always discussing which foods would be the most fun to make, writing down recipies, and having a hell of a time trying to pause the show at the right points to get all the information down.

- Papyrus is notorious for game nights. He's always pulling out boards and cards that you've never heard of before and never starts a game until he's absolutely certain you know the rules. Winning of course, is always his prime goal when it comes to games, but if he senses you're on a particularly rough losing streak, he MAY slip up. Occasionally. Just enough so you can win a game or two. Or five.

-----------*

Blue

- Hyper as all hell. You give him a reasonable dose of sugar or caffeine and he could power an entire city for a few hours without breaking a sweat.

- If he had been in high school, Blue would have been a theater kid. He's always humming a tune from a Broadway show or Disney movie, and he's got a pretty good collection of songs on his brother's Spotify playlist.

- This guy will blast Steven Universe music at full volume he has no shame.

- If you are ever driving somewhere with him, an aux cord is a MUST. Singing in the car is a very frequent thing with you two, and you'll only get out after the song is over.

- He likes cryptids! Mothman is his favorite and he firmly believes he exists somewhere.

- He's your workout buddy. If he manages to drag you to the gym with him, that is.

- Blue hates seeing you down in the dumps, and is always trying to cheer you up with his quirky puns and jokes to get you smiling again.

- He'd be the best motivational poster ever. Whenever he picks up that you're going through a rough spot and falling behind on self-care, he knows just what to say to put the spark back in you again.

-----------*

Stretch

- Radiates goblin energy.

- A goddamn meme lord.

- He's made two or three widely known viral videos and nobody knows it was him.

- You need someone to go to an anime convention with? Stretch is your guy. He's god awful at planning stuff out, but he'll make sure you both have a good time, no matter what happens.

- He's really big into nerd culture, and he DMs for a dungeons and dragons game every week.

- He'll occasionally smoke, but he doesnt have lungs, so he does it more for shits and giggles than anything else.

- As lazy as he seems, he is very reliable. If he knows it's something important to you, he'll get it done. Chores though, he's a lot more iffy with.

- He really likes bees.

-----------*

Red

- Talks big talk, but he's actually a huge softie.

- He's basically a big pillow with sharp teeth that can curse.

- A nervous wreck.

- His brother shops at Hot Topic. He shops at Spencer's. Very convenient.

- He's a pretty big flirt and throws out little compliments and things to butter you up from time to time.

- If you take Red into a Dave and Busters he will win the most expensive prize at the booth in about 2 hours. (He knows how to cheat at every single game)

- He's a competitive gamer, and has a pretty impressive following on Twitch.

- He can go from loud and brash to quiet and insecure in a matter of moments, depending on the situation.

- He loves to bake, although it's something he will never be caught dead doing.

- Comfort is not his strong suit, but he will defend you without a second thought.

- He can be a little clingy and will text you now and again to ask what you're up to, just to ease his mind.

-----------*

Boss

- Professionalism is his game.

- The walking embodiment of Hot Topic.

- He loves to listen to rock and screamo music. He's also got a thing for Disney villain songs.

- You need some punk biker or vampiric goth fashion advice? Boss got ya.

- Skellator Man.

- Out of all the skeletons, Boss has the biggest ego.

- He hates admitting he's wrong. He would rather DIE than admit he's fucked up something.

- "I am not nice-"

- He could kill a man with his high heels.

- If it's got spikes he'll probably wear it.

- Tsundere. Tsundere. Tsundere. Tsundere. Tsu

- Did I mention he's a cold blooded tsundere.

-----------*

Nox

- Small angery man.

- He listens to a lot of classic and instrumental music. He finds it very sophisticated.

- Wakes up obscenely early in the morning. Always followed by a cup of the most bitter coffee on the planet.

- Comes up with the best insults. He could roast someone so hard that they'd dissolve into a pile of soot. He could glare at you and you'd cease to exist. He's that good.

- WILL step on you without remorse.

- Threatens to kill someone on a daily basis.

- Very rarely has spare time for himself. He's always keeping busy doing something.

- Loves dark, dry humor. A child falling off a swing will have him laughing for a good five minutes.

- Has a stone cold poker face.

- He might have a softer side to him. You may never know because of the walls he's built up around him.

-----------*

Rus

- He absolutely adores animals. He volunteers at the local animal shelter and plans on adopting every single dog there.

- Rus has a massive sweet tooth. Donuts are his favorite, and you can easily bribe him with anything sugar coated.

- A road trip master. You put him in a camper and he knows exactly where he's going and what he's doing.

- "Going off grid, fuck yeah- I pull out my credit cards and shred 'em."

- Hiking, camping and geocaching are some of his favorite things to do. He loves to explore the wilderness and it's like he has a built-in compass for finding his way.

- His ideal date is going to a Wal-Mart and causing absolute chaos by riding bikes around and tossing all of the inflatable balls from their displays.

- Cryptidcore energy.

- Rus loves watching Buzzfeed Unsolved and ghost huntings. He's a big fan of Supernatural and Stranger Things, too.

- Stutters and slurs his words a lot. He's got some speech impediments from the gold canines in his mouth.

- A bit lacking when it comes to social skills, but he can be extremely caring and sweet.

-----------*

Ash

- Very soft-spoken and awkward. He doesn't get much social interaction and is still figuring some things out.

- He's very self-aware of the wound in his head. Whenever he has to leave the house he wears some sort of hat to cover it up.

- Practically lives in his garden. He understands plants more than he does human beings, and he spends time daily tending to whatever he's growing.

- Him and his brother are both vegetarians, and the smell or sight of meat makes them both feel sick to themselves.

- Has trouble sleeping due to his reoccurring nightmares. He will often sit in his garden late at night to help calm himself.

- Radiates soft energy. He would absolutely give the best hugs out of all the skeletons.

- Very touch-starved. Physical affection is something he rarely recieves, and he probably lingers with touches a lot longer than he should.

- Unintentionally makes God-teir jokes without realizing it.

----------*

Poplar

- Very well-educated in a lot of things. He really likes stocking up on useless factoids and making up his own just to mess with people.

- He answers Jeopardy questions with concerning accuracy.

- He enjoys going out to eat, and he's always up to try fancy foods.

- He likes photography and reading. He is well into the Harry Potter series.

- Poplar is prepared for anything at any time. A lot of stuff doesnt phase him at all, and it's difficult to catch him off-guard.

- He's willing to try anything new, once.

- Always willing to help out with schoolwork if he thinks you're seriously struggling with it.

- He's always carrying around small planners and notebooks to write in so he can keep track of things.

[writing-frenzy]

Airplane gets Ghosted~

Brain: :D

Me: Oh no, what did you do.

Brain: Let’s make another Airplane Harem~

Me. 🥺 why are you like this?!

Note: Inspired by A Crowd of Evil Spirits Lines Up to Confess to Me; pretty funny horror unlimited flow story, with some good scares that leave ya at the edge of your seat. (I really love the Protagonist, so good and pure and I headcannon as Aro-Ace~) So anyways, for those who don’t know, in the novel, the Protagonist Gu Wuji is a genuinely good person, an aspiring actor on hard times who suddenly gets pulled into this horror survival game. Here is the thing; while for others this is a truly cursed and terrible thing, for the protag this is just a regular day, just with some people who need some help; he will help Ghosts just as much as he would help a human.

Ghost: *being Scary*

Gu Wuji: Oh no, let me help you? *smiles*

Ghost: *either a blushing mess, happy to be helped, or can feel how strong this human is and is the one scared instead*

So yeah, here this man goes, bewitching everyone he meets, especially terrifying Ghosts who want him to die so they can stay together forever 🙃 Lucky he is so charming, and that with every Instance cleared, he can get points to get items and information/hints from the store.

And then I though about Airplane being in this position and I just grinned.

So, to preface this, I’m going to go on how I think Airplane has been raised in this AU.

Basically, since our favorite writer was young, Airplane was pretty much raised by ghosts. With two increasingly furious and arguing parents who couldn’t care less about him, they don’t notice at all how weird their kid is, not wanting to be reminded of old memories. So thus start’s Airplane’s growing up more comfortable with the headless car-crash victim who helps him know when his bullies are around then actual living people who only seem to try and tear each other apart more then most dead ever want to. Not to say he hasn’t met some mean dead too, but all they seem to care about is just scaring him off so they can be alone. Which, fair.

Just... Airplane is still Airplane, but for him, normal is dealing with the Ghostly Neighbor who will at least hear him out most of the time, especially since most Living people are assholes.

(Also, Airplane will have some of the strength that Gu Wuji is known for, but he mostly just has a really good head for intelligence, logistics, plots, and strategy... Let’s just say Airplane has seen and been through some shit in his younger years.) 

I am also being a gremlin and making Shen Jiu and Yue Qi be the friends Airplane makes in middle school, Shen Jiu being superstitious as fuck and Yue Qi going along with it, even as he because more WTF the longer they are friends with Airplane and fully realize ‘Shit, ghost are fucking real, nope, nope, nope.’ It is a beautiful, disaster of a trio and their friendship is eternal... (even if Shen Jiu will never forgive/hold over Yue Qi for leaving him with the ghost in the fucking burned down Mansion, even if Airplane fixed it; apparently it had something to do with their previous incarnations?)

So yeah, these guys are released out into the world, where Airplane writes really good, if bloody dramas, asking his Ghost Friends if he can use some of their stories and them either not caring or excited as they give him the go ahead. (The Police have some questions...)

Sure, he writes some bad porn on the side, but with some of his Ghost friends able to beta read for him, Airplane is able to stay a float nice and easy, if still anxious every time he has to pay the rent because human interaction is so hard when you’re dealing with the living. (Don’t have to worry about meeting someone’s eyes if they’re gouged out after all)

And then we get to the Instances :) (Now, besides the first one that does happen First, these others could happen with one or two between them.)

First Instance(Novice): The Traitor’s Secret~

The fresh new Players, with some older ones here, is part of a Merchant Caravan that they just have to ensure gets from point A to point B, and just live. Simple mission as this is a Novice Instance for innocents pulled in. And it would have even remained a simple one, only having to deal with the wondering dead that are manageable, as they have plenty of supplies to ration and work with, if one of the Older Players wasn’t here with ulterior motives.

See, this ‘Senior’ managed to buy information that there is a great item that can be obtained; the thing is, one must betray their comrades in order to get it, with the first betrayal making the difficulty rise from the Novice to Intermediate immediately, as this as awakened a terrible Boss.

It probably would have gone smoothly (maybe....) but here is the thing.

As it turns out, ‘Senior’ didn’t buy enough information; after The First Betrayal, the Boss Ghost will sneakily become a part of the Party, acting much like a helpful NPC when really he is a trap; if the Betrayer betrays him, it is game over.

But the game is different this time; No one expects Airplane, who has the ability and instincts of a cockroach who was completely willing to hug a Ghost’s (well, NPC’s) thighs

Cue Shang Qinghua who is very confused, because after he sneakily becomes part of the group, this human has decided to cling to him of all people, the Creepy/Grumpy NPC, and not his fellow group members... 

Airplane grows on SQH like a fugus, makes amazingly funny commentary, and even tells some interesting stories. On Airplane’s part, Shang Qinghua feels not only like the strongest guy here, but also the most reliably competent...

 Not to mention he feels comfortable to be around, which is weird since Airplane doesn’t usually feel to comfortable with the living~ (ha ha ha, maybe because he’s a NPC? Though he still freezes with those guys too...) 

As it is, because ‘Senior’ needs to betray everyone, he tries to get Airplane, who, again, is still a very, very morally ambiguous guy, sees this guy trying to kill him, and simply pushes them instead into a throng of the undead.

Airplane: Ah, sorry for the terrible sight Senior brother, but he was trying to kill us? Are you alright? Do you want a massage?

Shang Qinghua is incredulous, but becomes more charmed as time passes.

(Remembers, how his martial brothers, people who he had lived and worked beside all his life, so easily sold him out, trying to kill him only for him to suffer a fate worse then death. It was only so much time was passed, after having to spy and betray those who betrayed him before he finally had the release of death; but even then, his resentment was too strong, even the blood sealed onto his jade hairpin filled with resentment.)

It is this item he gives to Airplane, blushing as he does as he says if the other ever needs help, to just use the pin and it won’t lead him wrong.

When Airplane leaves the instance, he gets a system notice about the points he got, increased because of the Instance’s sudden level increase, as well as information on the item he received from Shang Qinghua 

Shang Qinghua’ Hairpin: A Hairpin with deadly secrets, belong to A Spy with a vast network of information, be able to uncover hidden secrets with ease and learn anything you wish of with loyal shades at your command,

 Level One: Summon two shades to gather information. (Each level up gets you another shade to do your bidding)

(He only has the information from level one, but once he levels it up, this is what else it can do)

Level 3: Your shades can now help you escape dicey situations

Level 5: Able to uncover the deadly poison hidden in the hollow of it, this deadly substance can poison Living and Dead both

Level: 7: Able to use the Hairpin like a deadly knife, the resentment enriching the wood to be harder and sharper then ever before.

(Past Level Seven, must full on stab someone in a vital place to discover this ability: Able to release one ensured fatal attack from the Hairpin; after that, it will continue to drop to a fifty-fity chance and before renewing each Instance.)

Level 10: be able to summon Shang Qinghua, the deadly competent Spy to your side to aid you; note, he will only help as much as he likes you and you are only truly safe from him for an Hour before he gets free range to do whatever he wants.

So yeah. this is Airplane’s first instance~ It was so terrifying, having to be around so many people and freaky monsters, but he thinks he made a friend? He hopes?

(He certainly gets one heck of an admirer.)(¬‿¬)

Second Instance(Novice): The Healer’s Broken Heart

So, next Instance, Airplane finds himself in an ancient, fantasy hospital with a group half novices and novices who at least survived two or three games after this. The challenge this time is two pair up into teams of two or threes and try and treat as many ‘patients’ in the hospital as one can. First, they have to collect all the medicine they need, prepare the Nursing rooms, and then, of course, treat at least five patients each, or face death for failing. 

See, the patients are sorta, kinda, Undead they need to treat as if they were living, so they Have to do things like bandaging sliced throats, sew back on sliced limbs, and drain puss and other gross gory things to give nightmares. Not to mention that they have to follow regular rules like in most hospitals, so no running in the hall, no loud sounds, things like that when their are Ghosts everywhere. (As long as someone doesn’t break the rules, the Ghosts won’t notice you.)

 As Airplane is a nervous wreck around people, and with this being a bad day for his anxiety, no one but one guy is willing to partner up with him, this gentle, sweet guy called Mu Fan, who’s amazing chill affects Airplane’s own chill and helps him feel a little better about the situation.

Ha~ Mu Fan is so nice and even knows so much about all the medicines and what to do here! He’s even helpful and nice when Airplane was about to have an anxiety attack, following what Airplane warned him about not touching him, but if he could, maybe hum if he could?

Of course Airplane can’t just let the other carry him the entire way! Mu Fan is just too nice and really helped him back there, so he wants to pay back at least a little. So, being this disaster that he is, instead of thanking Mu Fan and asking him if their is anyways to pay him back, Airplane uses his Hairpin instead to see if he could help the other out.

He gets an... interesting reaction...

Apparently, Mu Fan is actually Mu Qingfang, a Boss Ghost (tho Airplane only knows the other is a ghost) of this area, who can be activated in some ways; examples, if the Players try and hurt the Patients, if Players try and kill each other in cold blood, or try and steal Medicine. Mu Qingfang’s most sincere wish is to free his patients from this cycle of pain, hopefully be free from it for good.

This is the information that Airplane gets, what Mu Qingfang has been trying to discover for years with no luck.

Airplane: QAQ Mu Qingfang is truly too good, too pure for this world, wanting to help the other ghost past on and be out of pain.

On Mu Qingfang’s part, he saw this poor, distressed man and the doctor instincts in him went on fire as he did his best to help the other with their heart demons. But he was really, extremely impressed by them with how they treated his patients, taking care of their wounds like it was nothing, joking with the decapitated head as he sewed it back on, getting a breathless laugh from the woman as she cried happy tears from it. The doctor went really gooey though with how Airplane spellbound his audience of twins who needed to be separated after their parent had sown them together, the two young (very creepy as fuck) children begging for more, distracting from the pain of having to reattach their arms in the right places one more.

(Tries not to cry when this disaster of a Man says he has to do something first before he leaves after he finishes the five patients, only to bring a true gift back as he does. Mu Qingfang has nearly given up on his poor patients ever being free from this constant cycle of pain, their Bandit Killers, for such a small, evil group, never brought to justice only for Airplane to catch them all, bringing them to the hospital so that all their grievances can be aired out and payed back once and for all. It took a bit, and Airplane accidently raised the Level of the Instance himself this time doing it, but he got all the baddies round up and incapacitated as he did.)

Mu Qingfang is ever so grateful, even as Airplane offers to help the man finish up here before he leaves, the last doctor’s visit these ghost will ever need to have. He blesses Airplane with a powerful healing ability, along with a Doctor’s kit that is full of useful supplies, refilling ever day if needed.)

So, Airplane is back in his space, cleaning his hands and body because that was still gross (but not the worse thing he has dealt with) with new points and some good prizes once more, even if he isn’t sure why the level went up all of a sudden? The Bandits honestly weren’t that hard to trick and sabotage?

Mu Qingfang’s Medical Bag

Basically, like the Hairpin, full of goodies that can do more and more OP things the higher the Level it goes (and yes, has a secret poison function as well; Now Shang Qinghua can refill the Hairpin if he ever need to :D And yes, Mu Qingfang can be summoned with an Item in the bag once he gets to Level Ten..

Same with the Healing ability, it just gets more OP the higher the level, tho it doesn’t have a summoning ability, but will let you heal others as much as you want at Level Ten

So thus, this is Airplane’s second Ghost ‘Friend’~ (〃￣︶￣)人(￣︶￣〃)

Instance Three (Intermediate): Guards of The Icy Village

So, Airplane is confident in himself, seeing as he’s managed Instances that go from Novice to Intermediate all the time, thinks ‘why not try an Intermediate, since my Novice experience will probably turn out like that anyways? (the fact that all the choices he has left are either Intermediate or Hard does not matter!) 

Looking through his choices, he see a Limited Event One, with a Special Link to it; not knowing what this means but being effected by the Limited deal, he picks it.

(What this means is that there will be an Event in this Instance that will literally only be open this one time and can not be done ever again; Special Link Means that this Event will and can effect in even Higher Level Instances in the Future, depending on how Many +’s are in the title of it.)

This Event has a Max Number of +’s :)

So, he picks his choice and finds himself in this beautiful Icy wonderland with a group of other people. Everyone has to be set into teams here, guarding the snow village from evil spirits and monsters that would prey on it for five days and five nights. And because I want to, Airplane has been teamed up with Gongyi Xiao, Qin Wanrong, Qin Wanyue, and Qiu Haitang. As long as they protect their part of the Village, they will be able to pass the Instance and everything will be swell

(Is this me indulging in having some badass girls, and letting these characters not only get some damn scene time, but be able to be happy and live? Yes, yes it is, because let me explore these guys in this traumatic AU where they have to do all they can to live, and still be able to trust to have each other’s backs dang it) 

So, the Huan Hua High Schooler group have already been through two instances at this point, Airplane has been through a lot, and Qiu Haitang has had one game that turned from easy to hard in a minute that she survived with luck and her wits (and gave her a crap ton of points and a need for survival classes she took asap before her next game). Airplane, because he doesn’t trust the fact that they’ll be okay if other parts of the Village they’re in are invaded, sends his spirits and some nifty golems he got from the shop to help patrol everywhere. 

Because come on, if one place gets breached, of course the rest will be vulnerable! He’s played the Empire Building, Fortress Making games to prove it!

(Everyone nods, because this actually makes so much sense, how could they have ignored such an obvious trap! Intermediate Instances are no joke!)

Cue really scary as fuck ice monsters and evil spirits. Things are going good, Airplane and co are making it through, with Airplane discovering and making obsolete yet another trap unknowingly because he’s making sure everything is rationed(and using some points to actually buy some fooof) and checking in with villagers all over; because they are literally in charge of protecting and managing all these people, and with everything around here with the blizzard and seize, they have to make sure there is enough food and supplies for everyone. 

(That this prevents making evil spirits and monster from rising with the Village is a big thing actually, because some of them are made from the dead.)

So then, the forth day comes; it starts out nice, no more harsh snows, people are coming out of their houses now, Airplane is nearly tearing his hair out from stress and too many people, but he can make do. (has had to make do with worse really)

And then he hears some of the Villagers are about to riot, planning to go at something with stones and pitchforks. Panicking, thinking these NPCs that he has to protect are trying to go outside their weight class, Airplane gets the others in his team and other teams who are useful to hopefully get the weak peasant class NPC out of danger as he goes about handling the problem himself, only to stop and start at the literal child bleeding in from of him.

For a moment, Airplane blanks... (Sure, he knows, from experience, that Children Ghosts are in fact some of the most, if not the most deadly ghost out there... And yet... for all the pranks and cruelty they played, they were always the ones who understood Airplane’s loneliness the most, being the most truthful and blunt and just honest with him...)

So, when Airplane sees this light blue demon child with horns and nasty claws, tear stains on his still baby fat cheeks even as they scowl and bare fangs, fear and anger in their eyes as they tremble before him, Airplane does not kill the child or run them out of the village.

It takes some coaxing, and it’s mostly hunger on the child’s part that wins in the end, but with the last of Airplane’s Jerky being torn through, he is able to treat the kid with his kit in his tent, even get them some cold soup to eat before they sleep.

Airplane has enough time to possibly panic over the fact ‘Wait, if there is a child there must be a parent’ before said Child’s Father appears in the Village the next morning, KO’ing two teams before almost killing his own before Airplane shakily presents them their well treated and contented child... 

who doesn’t let go, until their parent raises an eyebrow, makes an amused huff, and easily grabs their child, even if it leaves Airplane with some nasty scratches and one less lucky charm necklace.

(The Future Mobei-Jun, still Mo Bolin, nearly cries, but stubbornly bites his lip as he does, glaring at anything and everyone around him, especially his parent and the warm person he has to leave here. He wants to keep them! They saved him when their was no gain for it, and even used much needed supplies to treat him, which Mo Bolin knows are important and guarded fiercely! They told interesting stories and had good food! He doesn’t want to leave them.)

Mo Bolin’s Father is very amused, and gives Shang Qinghua an ice power(shield) and a Teleporting Token.

So, when Shang Qinghua gets back from this instance, he gets some friend requests, a bunch of points for the best possible ending ever achieved in a game, and info about his new things.

he’ll only be able to make Shields and Barriers with his new Ice Ability, with the strength and number he can make increasing with each level.

With the Token, it allows him to teleport a limited range and places he either sees or has been. It can’t be leveled, but apparently, if he fulfills some sort of condition, it can be upgraded.

So, those are ideas I have for some of the Instances. Things not mentioned:

Time with the Instances is weird; Time still always moves forward, but it can easily skip around... So the next time Airplane accidently gets into a high Nightmare Grade Instance, He might see a fully grown Mo Bolin, now Mobei-Jun~ 

Another example of Time being weird with the Instances; Airplane obviously met Shang Qinghua first, but Shang Qinghua had been Betrayed and sold out to Mobei-Jun, the same Mobei-Jun that Airplane saved as a child :D

(Yes, Airplane will summon Shang Qinghua in an Instance with Mobei-Jun, and it will be gloriously awkward, even as Shang Qinghua is smug, because he can still see Airplane anytime the other wishes to summon him)

(This will probably lead to Mobei-Jun upgrading Airplane’s Token, making it to where it’s range is even greater now, and can summon him if Airplane wishes it.)

I am still on the fence of making Shen Yuan either a Ghost and part of the Harem, or a player who is bros with Airplane.

There is an Instance in their Real Life, where Qiu Haitang, Shen Jiu, Yue Qi, along with Airplane go along one hell of a Blast from the Past as they find out terrible secrets, things get resolved, there is much crying to be had, and everyone agrees to never mention the Instance ever again or so help them Shen Jiu will make them forget.

(Shen Jiu likes having a sister. Qiu Haitang likes having a brother she actually likes.)

Liu Qingge is a disaster; is he a player, is he a Ghost, is he a monster? Who knows, Airplane doesn’t. (I’m going to say he is a fellow player~ he just likes messing with Airplane.)

And thus, here is this AU~ Hope you guys like it~ EDIT: Noticed this was weird to read, so I added spaces: hope this helps.

[sunshinetaehun]

A Little Bit Addicted

⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader ⇢ side-pairing: namjoon x reader (only rly mentioned) ⇢ genre: smut (mainly but i suppose if u squint u can see some angst)  ⇢ word count: 6.2k  ⇢ warnings: cheating (i felt so guilty writing this sorry joonie ilysm), sub!jk honestly even when hes not subbing hes a fucking sub - i am weak for sub!jk, fingering, oral (mainly f), unprotected sex, dirty talk, cum-feeding, slight praise kink, overstimulation, swearing

Music and the sound of shoes hitting the floor in time to the beat as well as shouts and laughter could be heard echoing around the dance studio before you’d even entered the room. You’d just finished work and like every other Tuesday, you headed straight to the boys’ practice session for the final hour so you could ride home with your boyfriend, Namjoon. His home at the moment being the dorms he stayed in with the rest of the group members; they were busy these days with practice and promotions and studio time, it was just so much more convenient for them all to stay in the same place together. You’d been with Namjoon for almost a year now, probably the happiest year of your life so far, and everyday you made an effort to remind yourself just how lucky you are to have found him at a time when you needed someone just like him the most. You’d only just started to get your life back on track - a stable job, a steady income, a nice apartment to yourself - when you’d met him that day at the coffee shop on the block where you both worked. It was perfect. Everything in your life had come together and now, even in this city where you knew no one just 10 months prior, you had a boyfriend and group of friends who had welcomed you with open arms the moment Namjoon had introduced you. 

Out of everyone in the group, you’d seemed to bond with Jimin and Taehyung the most; you were all born around the same time with Jimin’s birthday just three days before yours so you supposed that was why it was almost effortless for the three of you to hang out from the start. The others were just as welcoming though, as could be seen as soon as you entered the practice room, Namjoon running over to kiss you and ask about your day while everyone turned to greet you enthusiastically; everyone except Jeongguk. Jeongguk was the only one of the group you weren’t exactly close to; when you’d first started dating Namjoon, he was actually the one that you spent the most time with aside from your boyfriend of course. But that quickly changed.

‘Kookie, it’s time for you to go to bed.’ You laughed at the younger male who had arrived back at the dorms in what you could only describe as an absolutely wrecked state. Falling all over himself as he tried to stumble out of his trainers, he’d let himself fall back on the couch with a sigh. 

‘M just gonna sleep here.’ He’d slurred, his eyes closed tightly as though he was already asleep as he was talking. You were the only two awake in the dorms, it was 3am after all and Namjoon had gone to bed an hour ago after falling asleep within the first 20 minutes of the movie you’d been begging him to watch with you for weeks. 

With an amused sigh, you shook your head and decided not to argue with the drunken mess in front of you, speaking a soft goodnight under your breath. ‘Uh, y/n?’ Jeongguk’s voice was quiet but loud enough for you to hear in the silence of the building. ‘You- um- do you wanna maybe sit with me for a bit? Room’s spinning and I-’

‘I’ll sit with you.’ You cut him off, realising he was going to keep rambling if you didn’t just answer him. You nudged his feet to make room for you at the foot of the sofa and he obliged, sitting himself up slightly to rest against the chair arm as he looked at you.

‘You’re so pretty.’ Jeongguk spoke confidently after a brief discussion about tonight's adventures and you couldn’t help but blush slightly at his words, hitting his shin and thanking him. Drunk people really are something else, you thought to yourself. ‘No, really you are. I-I hope Joonie hyung knows how lucky he is. I think… I think if I had a girlfriend pretty like you are, wouldn’t be able to stay away from you.’ His words were a mumble and his eyes unfocused but there was a sincerity in his tone that was hard for you to ignore as you shifted awkwardly in your seat. ‘Sometimes think I’m fucking jealous he was the one who met you that day.’

Your cheeks burned red at his words and you were unbelievably thankful that the only light in the room was what was leaking in from the still fully-lit kitchen. ‘Jeongguk… I don’t think-’. But when you looked at him to address him directly, he was fast asleep. 

You hadn’t spoken about that night with Jeongguk ever since it happened; you weren’t even sure if he remembered it. But from that moment on, you had distanced yourself from the younger male. If everyone else but him left a room, you would do the same; if it were just the two of you at a table, you would excuse yourself to the bathroom. It was harsh and you knew it but you didn’t know what else to do. And it wasn’t his fault really, what he’d said wasn’t what had bothered you. It was how you felt when he said it. You felt butterflies in your stomach and an excited blush on your cheeks and a deep feeling of guilt in the very core of your being. And sometimes even now, you would catch eyes with him and the butterflies would return. It was your best kept secret, your crush on your boyfriend’s best friend.

The boys returned to practice after Namjoon had briefly asked about your day, rushing the conversation slightly because the choreographer today was rather impatient but you didn’t mind. You settled on the floor, shoes kicked off and back to the wall with iced caramel latte in hand; Namjoon always had one ready for when you would arrive, your favourite drink. You watched the boys with a smile on your face, breaking into laughter with the rest of them when Jimin slipped and fell, much to the dismay of the choreographer, as you tried to ignore the nagging feeling that someone was watching you. You knew who it was, the only person not in your immediate line of vision - Jeongguk. 

This was one of the moments where you would catch him staring at you and nervous excitement would tingle in the pit of your stomach as you both looked away within a second. And as much as you didn’t want to give in this time, your eyes flicked towards him and caught his gaze. Normally, he would look away fast and shamefully as soon as you turned to him but not today. Today, he drank from his water bottle while keeping his eyes on you and you couldn’t help watching the way his throat moved as he swallowed the liquid. He was still watching you. Why wasn’t he looking away? Why weren’t you looking away? You saw the corner of his mouth twitch up in a smirk as he held your gaze for just a millisecond longer before turning his attention back to the dance. The dance studio was so much hotter than usual today, you thought to yourself to try and distract yourself from the jarring interaction with the boy at the other side of the room. It was hotter because you were blushing and the pit of your stomach felt warm for some reason and because you couldn’t stop thinking about Jeongguk’s eyes and his throat and the way his tattooed hand was gripping his water bottle and - oh fuck, what is happening? 

The sound of your name being called pulled you out of your panicked daze as you looked at the clock and then at your boyfriend calling you from the door to the dance studio. Twenty minutes had passed and you’d barely even noticed, too busy focusing on getting these thoughts out of your head. Even looking at Namjoon’s beautiful, blissfully ignorant face made you feel sick to your stomach with guilt. ‘Oh, uh, yeah. Just one minute,’ you muttered, moving to put your shoes on as he left to wait for you by the car. 

‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know?’ Jeongguk’s voice came from behind you as you were tying your laces. You could hear the smile on his lips, feeling a pang of sadness that you hadn’t witnessed it in so long due to distancing yourself from him, but refusing to look up at him. He was making his way towards the door as well and soon enough he was in front of you but you still didn’t lift your head to look at him.  ‘People can’t help who they’re attracted to.’ 

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ A laugh escaped his lips and the butterflies were back. Eventually, you had to look up, knowing you couldn’t continue staring at the floor until he left. You feigned normality as you stood up and grabbed your bag. ‘Really, I have no idea.’ You pressed, now looking him dead in his face as he raised one eyebrow questioningly and your heart raced in your chest.  

‘Whatever you say.’ He shook his head in an amused fashion before walking out of the studio. You waited 20 seconds, long enough to compose yourself, before following after him.

--- 

The next few days were relatively normal; you’d worked, Namjoon had worked even more than that and you’d had lunch with Taehyung and Hobi once when they weren’t needed at dance practice. But things with Jeongguk… well, things with Jeongguk  weren’t getting any easier. It seemed as though he’d been making an extra effort to get noticed by you, to be alone with you. The seemingly ever-present smirk on his face as he’d make a thinly-veiled flirtation comment before catching your eye; sometimes he would even laugh quietly when you’d drag your eyes away, embarrassment flooding your cheeks. And nothing about this was discreet. It was so shameless, in fact, that even Jimin had pulled you aside briefly to ask you about it. You’d brushed it off as just ‘Kookie messing around’ but he looked skeptical, he’d said that Jeongguk was lucky Namjoon has been busy in the studio lately because there’s no way this would have gone over his head otherwise. 

It had to stop and you knew it but the nerves you felt when you imagined confronting him had made you shy away up until this point. You’d put it off everytime you built up the courage to say something and had always breathed a silent sigh of relief whenever someone had entered the room just before you were about to speak to him. But today the whole group was at the studio, finishing off a song that Jeongguk was no longer needed for because his part was complete. He had the day off and it was just the two of you in the apartment. Your time to say something was now and there was no backing out when you were at his bedroom door, banging at it with your fist while your heart raced.

Jeongguk answered the door with a knowing smirk, of course he knew it would be you when the others were out. ‘I knew you’d come running eventually.’ He teased, standing away from the open door to let you in. You brushed off his comment, stepping angrily into the centre of the room before turning to face him, arms folded across your stomach. 

‘You need to fucking stop.’ You demanded, adrenaline fuelled by anger pumping through your veins as you stood in front of him. ‘What are you playing at? Jimin asked me if we we’re fucking? Did you know that?! People think we’re fucking Jeongguk, that’s not okay!’ The fact that his face didn’t change at your words, he remained seemingly unbothered by discovering Jimin was onto him, only angered you further. ‘What about Joon? He’s your leader, you’re supposed to fucking respect him.’

‘What Namjoon-hyung doesn’t know won’t hurt him, y/n.’ Jeongguk spoke firmly but there was a weakness in his tone. If you knew any better, you’d think he was on the verge of begging but you know Jeongguk and you’re pretty sure he’s not the kind of man to beg. 

‘That’s so messed up, Kook. He’s my boyfriend, I-’

‘Do you love him?’ Jeongguk asked suddenly and you stopped talking, mouth opening wide as you stared at him. He repeated the question but you were deep in thought. You hadn’t actually told Namjoon you love him yet, or vice versa which you supposed was weird after almost a year but some relationships are slower and you certainly cared deeply for one another. And besides, not loving someone doesn’t mean fuck someone else. 

‘You can’t tell me you don’t feel it too. I can see it in the way you look at me.’ He cut off your train of thought. And he was right, of course he was right. Hell, even Jimin picked up on something between the two of you. Jeongguk took one step closer to you, eyeing you carefully to make sure you wouldn’t back away and you wanted to but also you didn’t want to and suddenly his lips were pressing lightly against yours. 

Panic alarms were ringing in your head. This is wrong. This is so so wrong. You’re cheating. But the alarms were silenced when you realised you were kissing him back and he was pressing his tongue ever so delicately across your lips. You’d never felt so fucking turned on from just a kiss but here you were, your panties probably soaking through as he delicately cupped your face with one hand and pulled you closer with the other. You felt high from his kiss, as though this is something you had been waiting for forever and in that moment, Namjoon didn’t exist. No one else existed except the two of you. 

Jeongguk was walking you backwards towards the bed, sitting you down on the edge of it before kneeling in front of you. His hands played with the waistband of your trousers, fumbling to grip it and looked up at you as a way to ask if this was okay. You nodded, you couldn’t quite fucking believe it but you nodded because you were drunk on the boy in front of you and you didn’t think you’d ever been so aroused in your life. He didn’t have to be told twice, pulling both your trousers and your panties down in just one movement. 

���Lay back.’ Jeongguk spoke but it wasn’t demanding, it was soft and he seemed more distracted by your pussy now fully exposed to him. You did as he said, opening your legs wider and you were sure you almost heard a small whimper from him as he got a better look at your opening. ‘Can I touch you?’ Jeongguk asked, almost breathlessly as he shuffled forward on his knees to get more in between your legs. 

It was strange, him asking to touch you after he’s spent all this time trying to get you here but you supposed he just maybe was extra careful about consent. Either way it was undeniably attractive for reasons you couldn’t fully comprehend to have him sat patiently, waiting for your permission. ‘Yes, yes.’ You barely had time to blink before his finger was tracing around your folds, slowly moving around you and gently flicking across your most sensitive area. You gasped at the feeling as he kissed inside your thighs, his finger moving to your hole and pushing inside. 

Then he pushed in another, moving slowly at first and curving slightly until he found one spot inside you that made you see stars. ‘Oh shit, th-there.’ He moaned along with you and you wondered if he’d managed to get his clothes off somehow to touch himself but he couldn’t have. He really must just enjoy getting people off. Your moans became louder as he began to move his fingers faster, ensuring to keep hitting that same spot over and over until you were practically dripping onto his bedsheets. You’d never been this wet before, not without lube, and you didn’t even know it was possible.

‘Want another one?’ He asked, sounding almost as fucked out as you even though he had simply pushed his fingers inside you. You moaned in confirmation nodding desperately as you wrapped the bedding around your fists. The knot in your stomach was already tightening and he hadn’t even touched your clit. It was like his hands were magic - or this sexual frustration was so pent up, you would have been pushed over the edge from even the slightest touch eventually. He pushed in a third finger, his other hand moving to circle your most sensitive area with the perfect amount of pressure. Your back was arching off of the bed, so lost in the feelings he was giving you with just his bare hands. 

‘Fuck Kookie, I-I’m gonna cum already.’ He sped up his movements at your words, eagerly pushing you closer and closer to the edge. ‘I- you… you’re so fucking good at this. So fucking good.’ You don’t know why your words made him moan, high pitched and drawn out as he bit lightly into your thigh but it was so hot. All of this was so fucking hot, you weren’t sure how much longer you would be able to last. And then the knot within you tightened even more as soon as his fingers hit that one spot, you were done. Your orgasm hit you like a train, your entire mind blank as you felt the pleasure. He continued moving his fingers inside you until your muscles relaxed and you sank into the mattress. You almost groaned with sadness as he removed his fingers from you. 

‘Do you want a handjob or something?’ You asked under your breath as he moved to sit on the bed, back to wall with the obvious tent in his joggers almost begging to be touched. At this point, you were so high from your orgasm that you weren’t even thinking about how wrong this was. As awful as it felt to think about, that was the best orgasm you’d ever had and it was just from his fingers. You felt you owed him something in return after what he’d just done for you.

Jeongguk shook his head as he wiped his wet fingers lazily on his bed sheets - usually that would seem gross to you but somehow it was hot. Everything he did was so fucking hot and it was infuriating because now you’d crossed the line and you were officially someone who had cheated on your boyfriend and oh fuck, the guilt was rising as your high faded and this was terrible. Awful. The worst thing in the world. ‘It’s okay. Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.’ 

With that, he threw a smug wink in your direction before getting off the bed and heading for what you assumed was a shower though you couldn’t hear him over the deep shame in the pit of your stomach. How would you ever face Namjoon again?

---

‘It’s not happening again. It can’t happen again.’ Your voice was shaking as you tried everything in your power to seem strong. You were feigning confidence and it was obvious with the way your hands nervously fiddled with the hem of your sweater but you hoped more than anything he wouldn’t pick up on it. Nothing had happened since whatever the fuck had happened before, he’d barely even paid you any attention afterwards. At first you felt slightly offended, wondered if you’d done something wrong for him to suddenly lose interest but the shame that came with those feelings was enough to tell you it was for the best. But then he became interested again, teasing you and trying to get you alone. You had enough.

‘But I-’ Jeongguk started before you shook your head.

‘Just fucking no!’ You practically yelled and were shocked to see him flinch slightly at the harshness of your tone. ‘It’s so, so awful, Kookie. It’s wrong. How do you not feel terrible? How can you even sleep at night? I’ve barely slept since… since the other day and I can’t keep this secret. I have to tell him, I have to fucking tell him. I-’ 

‘Y/n, please.’ His voice came out gentle as he cut you off and you couldn’t help but be taken aback. He took two steps forward and held one of your hands between two of his. ‘Please, please just let me have you once. Just once and I’ll never ask again.’ He was practically whining as he looked deep into your eyes; you were wrong before - Jeongguk is the type of man to beg. There was no dominance in his gaze, only desperation and even though he was taller than you, he looked smaller somehow. You could feel your heart swell at the almost adorable sight as heat simultaneously pooled in your stomach - this was fucking confusing. ‘Please let me just be inside you, I-I can’t stop thinking about your pussy and how good it must feel and taste and I want to make you feel good. I need to make you feel good. Please let me try, I know I can do well.’ 

You knew you should say no, turn him away and tell Namjoon but the worst part was you didn’t want to. The way he was looking at you was so desperate you thought he might cry and you remembered how hard you came just from his fingers inside you. It was disgusting how much you wanted him, even when Namjoon had touched you the other night, you found yourself imagining it was the younger male between your legs for a brief moment before snapping out of it. 

‘Just once.’ The words were out of your mouth before you even thought to stop them and the way Jeongguk’s face lit up at just the two syllables was enough to make a small smile play on your lips in return. Just one time. Then you can stop thinking of him when you touch yourself with your boyfriend asleep next to you. Quick thank you’s were bouncing off of Jeongguk’s tongue as he grabbed your hand as he practically dragged you to the bedroom like a little boy running to open his Christmas presents. 

As soon as you were in his room, he slammed the door shut and began shedding his clothes. His t-shirt first, then his shorts and then finally his boxers. You were still fully-clothed as he pulled your hand to move you to the bed. You were mesmerised by him; his beautiful tanned skin stretched perfectly over his defined arms and abs and his cock - well, his cock was beautiful. It was thinner than Namjoon’s but long and slightly curved in a way you knew would hit all the right places inside you. You briefly cringed at the idea of comparing your boyfriend’s cock to the one of the man kneeling on the bed in front of you but you pushed the thoughts away. That didn’t matter now. It was just one time. 

You followed his lead, pushing those thoughts completely out of your mind as you pulled your t-shirt over your head, followed by your leggings and your panties hitting the floor. You couldn’t quite believe that you were here again. What a pathetic attempt to tell someone to leave you alone. Before you could even try to talk yourself out of it, Jeongguk was reaching out towards you, softly grabbing your hand and pulling you to lay on the bed. 

‘I really want to make you feel amazing, y/n. Better than you’ve ever felt.’ You were laid with your legs bent and open and Jeongguk was hovering above you, peppering kisses from your jawline, down your chest. ‘I’ve thought about it for a long time but now more than ever and I-I know it’s wrong but…’ Jeongguk trails off as he begins to kiss your stomach and then your inner thighs and he’s getting closer to your pussy before he speaks again. ‘I-I just have to know how you taste. Can I?’ Again, he’s asking before he does and it's so endearing to you that you can only say yes to him.

His tongue is warm and desperate as it hits your pussy, directly on your clit and circles the bud with such a force you have to force yourself not to arch up into his face instantly. He moans when his tongue pokes at your hole, gathering all your juices and you hear him make a noise almost as though he is drinking it in. ‘You taste better than I could have thought. I- fuck, wow.’ He mutters almost to himself as he continues to work his mouth on you. You grind up into his face accidentally but he doesn’t seem to care, if anything he buries himself deeper and you’re sure his entire face must be wet at this point. He works so expertly, it's almost effortless the way his tongue glides to all the right places that make your toes curl and your head spin. And then he stops and he’s looking at you. 

‘Can I touch myself?’ As you looked down at him, you took in his appearance. His nose and chin were wet with your arousal and his eyes were wide, pleading with you as he looked up at you through his eyelashes. It was adorable in the most inappropriate of ways. It was then that your mind flashed back to your last encounter with the boy in front of you - the way he’d asked before he could touch you, moaned along with you when he was receiving no stimulation, practically cried out loud when you told him he was doing good. Jeongguk loved this - someone else being in control, controlling him. You would never have guessed based on his loud dominating demeanour in everyday life but in the bedroom he would submit to everything you asked, you were sure of it.

You decided to test your theory, see how much he actually would listen to you. ‘Not right now, just focus on me for a little while.’ You spoke softly and were awestruck when he nodded without protest, eagerly moving his mouth back onto your cunt and pulling his hand away from his seemingly aching cock. The surge of power you felt was overwhelming, the feeling of fondness you felt towards the boy between your legs was indescribable. He really was in this for you, he wasn’t joking when he said he needs to make you feel good. ‘Good boy.’ You whispered into the air, testing the waters as you remembered how he responded when you praised him last time. 

The reaction was the same, he moaned into your cunt, your words only spurring him to go harder. His mouth acted as a vacuum on your clit as his tongue dipped in and out of your hole. ‘Such a good boy.’ You didn’t even think about what you were saying now, the words effortlessly rolling off your tongue as your fingers tugged softly on his hair. He let out another pathetic yet endearing moan as he slipped one finger inside you alongside his tongue and the extra intrusion almost made you cum on the spot. And so you pulled his head up before it was too late - he looked breathtaking with his hair messed up and his lips swollen and his entire lower face glistening with your wetness. ‘Lay down now, let me ride you.’

‘You don’t have to. I-I don’t mind making you cum like this, I’ll be fine.’ There was a sincerity in his tone as he sat back onto his heels, his cock red and leaking. It was literally wet from precum. ‘Just wanna make you feel good.’ You remembered how last time he’d also refused a handjob from you and you wondered how you didn’t see this side to him before. Everything about him now screamed submission and wanting to please you and everything that happened before suddenly was clear to you in a whole new way. 

‘If you fuck me, you will make me feel good, Kookie.’ You explained and he nodded, moving to lay down on the bed. You lifted one leg over him to straddle him as he lined himself up with you entrance and you didn’t miss the low moan that fell from his lips at only the feeling of his hand gripping himself to line himself up. He definitely wasn’t going to last long. You both moaned in pleasure as his tip sank into you and you slowly, teasingly lowered yourself onto him. When you did this with Namjoon, he could never resist grabbing your hips and pushing you down onto him but Jeongguk did no such thing. He laid still, head tilted back in pleasure as you slowly lowered yourself down, not even a part of him attempting to get you deeper and you could see from the tension in his lower abdomen how much effort it was taking for him to not push into you. This was completely on your own terms. Once you were fully on his cock, he groaned from deep within his chest, his hands gripping your hips so tight you thought there might be bruises later and you figured this is the time where his composure snaps and he fucks you hard. 

But then his grip softens and he’s begging you quietly under his breath. ‘Please, please let me fuck you, y/n. I need this, you feel so good. So perfect.’ He’s so lost in pleasure his eyes can barely focus on you when he looks up at you. His beauty hits you again like a wave when you look into his eyes, his pupils blown with lust and admiration, tears almost in his eyes as he begs you. You tell him he can fuck you and that’s when he starts moving. 

He’s holding onto your hips you rest your arms on the pillow either of his head and he’s fucking up into you so fast, the perfect curve of his cock hitting your spot directly every single time. You’re moaning in sync, yours becoming more high pitched and his more animalistic the closer you each get to coming and with the slapping of his skin on yours and vulgar sounds of wetness echoing around the room, it sounds like music to your ears. In between his moans he’s whispering almost incoherent words of praise to you and as egotistical as it is, hearing him speak to you that way only pushes you further to your peak. 

‘I-I’m not gonna last long, y/n.’ Jeongguk speaks and you knew he was close because his thrusts were becoming more and more erratic and the sounds falling from his lips were more desperate intakes of breath in between praise. ‘You’re so fucking tight, fuck. You’re amazing, the best pussy ever. Never felt so good, thank you.’

‘Make me cum first baby, then you can.’ He moves one hand from gripping your hip to your clit, circling it in that expert way he did the other day. It makes your head spin and you’re certain you’ve never ever felt this good before. Not even the best drugs in the world would feel this good, you were so sure of it. 

‘M really close, c-can I cum?’ The sheer desperation in his voice is what did it, what tipped you over the edge. And suddenly you were cumming, and it was powerful and beyond anything you’ve ever felt before. You managed to force out a yes, giving the younger male permission to cum and before the word had even finished in your mouth, his cum was shooting inside you. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you.’ He chanted almost like a prayer as you rode him through his orgasm, yours slowly dying down as you could feel rope after rope of his cum fill you up. Thank god you were on birth control, you thought to yourself. 

‘Kookie baby, you didn’t even try to pull out.’ He was still moaning as you lifted yourself off of him, his cock tensing slightly as the final weak ropes of cum leaked out over the tip and spilling down the now softening skin along with the cum mixed with your juices that had dripped onto him when you moved away. You brought a hand down to jokingly slap his now only semi-hard cock but the moan that came from him in response was guttural and low and you felt your core burst with arousal at the sound. 

Curiously, you ran your finger along his most likely extremely sensitive cock and watched the way he writhed beneath you, his cock twitching as he fisted the bedsheets. He whimpered aloud before speaking, frantic and desperately ‘I’m sorry for not pulling out. You- uh, you just felt so fucking good, I didn’t think. I couldn’t stop, I’m sorry.’ You replied softly, telling him it’s okay and he visibly relaxed though he made no attempt to move. He really was beautiful like this, laid there in front of you, his body flushed with arousal and clearly willing to do anything you asked. Even the way he looked at you, it was nothing you had ever experienced before and while Namjoon would praise everything about you this was so, so much more. Jeongguk looked at you like you were the most important person alive, he looked at you like this was a religion and you were his Goddess. When he was in this state of mind, he practically worshipped you and you couldn’t lie and say it didn’t make you feel amazing. 

You continued trailing your finger along his cock, so lightly he wouldn’t be able to feel if he hadn’t just had an orgasm but now he was sensitive beyond anything he’d ever felt and his desperate whimpers were only spurring you on. You made the decision to dip your finger in the small pool of cum mixed with your own juices that had collected his stomach, collecting a little on your finger and leaning over Jeongguk until your finger was nearing his face. You were mainly just interested to see how he would react to you trying to feed him his own cum, hiding your shock when he opened his mouth willingly to accept your finger. He sucked on your finger as soon as it was in his mouth, his tongue wrapping around it and you almost moaned at how beautiful he looked. But you wouldn’t because you had accepted by this point that you were in charge and you wanted to come across that way. 

‘You’re so pretty.’ You spoke and your mind flashed back to the night months ago when he’d said the same thing to you - drunk in the middle of the night. Things have definitely changed since then, you thought. You removed your finger from his mouth and gently moved to hold his cock in your hand. You could feel it already hardening beneath your touch and he was shaking his head to tell you it’s too sensitive but also bucking his hips up into your touch. ‘I still owe you a handjob, baby.’ You spoke softly and he whined in protest as you gripped him tighter, the sensitivity overpowering him as his entire body tensed. 

‘I-I can’t cum again. Too sensitive’ He whispered between desperate moans, his hips bucking up erratically into your hands as you laughed at how hard he was and already leaking precum. He could definitely cum again, you thought to yourself. You began to move your hand on him faster, dipping your head down to lick the tip of his cock which elicited an animalistic growl of approval from deep within his throat. So much for being too sensitive. ‘Fuck, please. Please don’t stop. I’m so close.’

You knew it wouldn’t take much to make him cum so soon after the first time so you sucked on the head of his cock, your hand moving faster on him as he writhed beneath you. His whole body shining with a thin sheen of sweat really was a sight to behold. ‘I-I’m gonna cum.’ He moaned before he shot into your mouth, much less than before but still a significant amount. You swallowed his cum proudly before he grabbed your hand and pulled you to lay beside him. 

‘That was… really amazing.’ You spoke, and you hated how content you felt as you turned on your side, Jeongguk mirroring your movements and wrapping an arm around your waist as he did so. He hummed softly in agreement, clearly still in complete bliss from his last orgasm.

‘I hope you understand that this has to happen again.’ Jeongguk spoke softly but determined, his head burying into the hair at the back of your head with a deep inhale. And God knows you wanted more than anything to resist, to fight back and tell him no Jeongguk this was a one time thing and it’s wrong and it’s disgusting and- but he was softly kissing the nape of your neck and you melted back into his touch, your eyes fluttering closed. ‘I think I’m a little bit addicted to you now.’

[imagine-straykids]

Han Jisung: Crushed

short summary: when Jisung has a crush on you, he may not be the best at expressing his feelings

genre: fluff x romance

word counts: 5,350 words

Jisung wasn’t sure when or why he started liking you. Maybe it was the way you’d always awkwardly stumble upon your words; maybe it was the way you’d take jabs at yourself sometimes; maybe it was the way you listened to him as if he was the only person in the world. Well, he wasn’t entirely sure. But all he knew was that you stole his heart and he doesn’t want it back. 

Who would’ve ever thought that Han Jisung, a music prodigy, basically a star student, would ever fall head over heels for someone like you who admittedly only joined a music course because you needed a filler class. 

The first time you guys talked, it was because you needed help identifying some music notes. You were not the best at music--actually not very good at all, but you can sing a little bit, yay? You don’t know why you thought taking this class as an extra would be a good idea. Because it wasn’t. It was much harder than you had expected. Hell, you don’t know what you were thinking, because everybody here was basically legendary at what they do. 

Anyways, well, one day your teacher had you guys do this assignment and you struggled like a bitch. While you were still on the first page losing at least 10 brain cells per question, you had noticed that Jisung, who was seated in front of you had already finished. You were amazed--No. Amazed was an understatement. You were shook even though you knew you shouldn’t be. He was pretty much second to no one in this class.

A few moments later, your teacher’s loud voice echoed through the room.

“Okay class! You have 10 more minutes left! I will be collecting your papers after that.” Your teacher sat down after her announcement.

“10 minutes? Crap! I’m not even through the first page yet...” you cursed quietly under your breath out of natural habits. You weren’t expecting anyone nearby to hear you, and you were actually hoping they didn’t. But your words did not manage to miss Jisung’s ears as you had leaned in a little bit too closely behind him when you mumbled.

You were too busy scribbling down whatever you were scribbling because frankly you weren’t really sure what you were doing. As you lifted your head up trying to take a look at the clock, you were instead met with Jisung’s puppy eyes as he had been examining what you were doing for the last 5 seconds or so. A small gasp escaped your mouth and you blinked out of fright, but not loud enough to catch anyone’s attention. Just loud and visible enough for you to make a fool out of yourself in front of Han Jisung.

“Do you need any help?” He smiled.

Ahhhh oh my gosh, he smiled, you internally screamed inside your head.

“I--uhm--uh--yeah, I kind of do--” you stumbled around your words awkwardly.

This shouldn’t have been as nerve wrecking, but why is it.

“I can help you. What do you need help with?” 

“Oh uhm...  the whole paper to be honest. I’m kind of... new to this kind of class.” 

And that was pretty much your guys first time talking to each other. Ever since then, he would always voluntarily ask if you needed any help, to which you were very much appreciative for. He really did not have to be this nice to you, but he was. Bless his whole ass soul. 

Little by little, working out assignments together turned into small talks between you guys, or rather silly stories told by himself, and you in return would share stories of your siblings to him and just how annoying they are to you daily. He liked to listen to your tales because he didn’t have any younger siblings and his older brother lived in another town.

Your Music class that used to be so intimidating to you because you were so far behind everyone else, the class that used to make you feel talentless and lonely as hell, you now had something to look forward to.

Oddly, Jisung could say the same thing too. Everyday back and forth to him was just go to classes, head to dance practice after school, go home, study, and repeat. But his somehow repetitive lifestyle started looking a little bit more exciting after meeting you. All his other classes were okay, but somehow he was always looking forward to 6th period; his music class. Looking forward to that special someone he could talk to about how his day has went so far.

Sometimes zoning out in his other classes, thinking about all the kind of things to say or tell you whenever he does get to 6th period. It was a foreign feeling that he had never experienced before. Not for anyone else. He’s had crushes in the past, but they were mostly puppy love, or crushes that would last a week at most. But every time he gets closer to you, every time he’s communicating with you, he feel his heart exploding a million times, and all the little things you would do like mumbling things to yourself thinking nobody would hear, the way you would twitch your nose whenever something upsets you a little, pressing the wrong keys when practicing, or just the way you would laugh at the smallest things he said just does a different kind of twist on his heart string. 

Day by day he found himself becoming greedier and greedier, wanting to become something much more with you. But he didn’t know if that was too weird considering you guys don’t interact outside of this class, besides the small gestures you both would exchange sometimes when passing by one another. 

He wasn’t sure if he was moving too fast or not, but it was 4 months ago that he started talking to you. 4 months ago when he talked to you, the one who would make him question so many things about himself.

He don’t know if he should wait it out and see if you’ll say anything, but from how you’re acting, it doesn’t look as if any changes was coming soon. He was growing more impatient every time he gets the chance to talk to you, because to him, you were just... so adorable.

One day after class ended, he finally managed up the courage to ask you if you wanted to go for a drink after school, to which you said yes. He was met with pleasure, but at the same time, terror. Was he really about to do this? No no. He was not ready. But he also does not want to be just friends anymore. He was mentally battling his thoughts the whole time walking there that he even missed out on some things you’ve told him. 

You became aware that Jisung was not being himself and was rather gloomy today all of a sudden.

“Jisung, are you alright?” You asked him worriedly. 

Your voice snapped him back to reality.

“Y-yeah I am fine y/n! Sorry, I was just thinking about how much homework I have today,” he assured you.

Really? A lot of homework? That’s really the best thing you can think of, Jisung criticized himself in his head.

“Oh... I see. Well we should probably go grab a seat so you can let loose some tension.”

Jisung nodded and you guys found a spot in the back corner.

As soon as you guys sat down, Jisung’s face positioned toward his feet as if he’s rethinking life decisions.

This was unusual for him because although you were not with him often, rarely did you ever see him looking so down. He was always jolly every time he entered the classroom. This was a rather new Jisung for you.

“Hey Jisung, you’re a smart person! You will finish all the work alright. And if you need any help, I am always here for you,” you tried to comfort him.

“Huh--O-o yeah. Thank you. Sorry I’m a little bit spaced out,” he said so quietly.

“Jisung, if there’s anything that’s bothering you, you can always tell me. I won’t ever judge, you know that. I just hope you’re okay.”

The more worried you were for him, the more it made him want to throw up from nervousness. Because you’re encouraging him to confess but at the same time, discouraging, because he was just that afraid he might ruin a good relationship with someone like you.

“I’m fine, y/n. You can go ahead and order something. I need to use the restroom real quick.” He stood up and made his way to the men’s restroom. 

He quickly shut himself in and slid down the wall onto his knees as he puffed out breath of airs.

After he had situated in a comfortable position, he took his phone out and called Hyunjin.

“Hyunjin, I-I cannot do it. I can’t. I feel so weak and nervous right now I think I might throw up,” Jisung ranted.

“Tell me about it. That was a such a shit show. Dude, I got second hand embarrassment from it.” 

“W-wait what. How did you know what happened?” 

“Me and Jeongin come to this cafe every day after school. We were seated right across from you guys, but you were too busy being a nervous freak to notice.”

“Oh wow, so Jeongin saw it too. I really just cannot. I don’t think I can go out after this. My hands are sweating. Can you like, make up some kind of excuse for me?” 

“Like what kind of excuse?”

“I don’t know... just tell her I went home because I feel sick.”

“What? Then she’s going to say why didn’t you just tell her.”

“Then just say because I was in a rush,” Jisung grew impatient trying to reason with Hyunjin.

“I guess then. At this pace, you’re never going to get a girlfriend.” 

Jisung was about to say something back but Hyunjin already cut off the line. 

~

When Jisung came in the next day, you asked him if he was alright, and he gave you a short answer but nothing more than that. 

You tried initiating a few more small talks with him but he was really just out of it, you had a feeling you should just leave him to be. He’s probably going through a difficult time right now.

When the bell rung signaling it was time to leave, you bid a small goodbye wave to Jisung before you left but it was only met with an awkward smile from him. 

The next three days continued on pretty much like the scenario above. You would try starting a conversation but it wasn’t much of a conversation if you were the only one talking. Eventually, you stopped trying to talk to him.

You would be lying if you were to say you weren’t upset or concerned. You didn’t know if you had said something that offended him, or if he found out that you secretly have a crush on him and is creep out by it. Either way, both situation weren’t going to end well for you.

The day you guys went to the cafe was the day he started acting indifferent. Maybe he heard that small fart you ripped out along the way or something. But you swore on god that it didn’t smell that bad. Maybe that day he meant to tell you he doesn’t want to be friends or talk to a loser like you anymore, but wasn’t courageous enough to finish what he started, that’s why he sent Hyunjin over to get rid of you.

It honestly sucks because your music teacher has recently assigned you guys with a project and in your head, you and Jisung would’ve had a blast discussing about what you guys were going to do for it. All of the things he or you would’ve said kept playing over and over in your head. But then again, you shouldn’t jump into conclusion.

You’ll just confront him on Monday and see what the real deal is. You just hope it wasn’t anything too serious that he’s brooding about. If you had hurt him in some shape or form, you would like to know and apologize dearly.

~

Jisung felt like an imbecile. An even bigger fool than the one he was before. He couldn’t believe he thought ignoring and avoiding you would suppressed his feelings or prevent you from asking anything relevant.

It probably did, but now the feeling of guilt is just eating him up. Your poor face after rambling and getting no response broke his heart. But he was afraid if he were to say anything less than appropriate, he would lose it.

He just wish you’re doing good for yourself and isn’t taking his actions to heart, because he pretty much acknowledge that he’s being stupid.

When he got to dance practice, he slammed his backpack harshly onto the floor of the studio and sighed.

The frustration of his caught the attention of Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jeongin who got here a little bit early too and was prepping up.

“What’s good bro? You alright?” Seungmin asked as he walked forward to Jisung.

“Yeah. You have been looking pretty sad these past few days. I kind of miss that loud crackhead energy of yours even though you can get carried away with it,” Jeongin sensing the rising atmosphere, tried to lighten it up.

“He probably got rejected by his dream girl,” Hyunjin chimmed in.

“Huh?” Seungmin let out in confusion.

“This one girl in his music class that he has a huge crush on for no reason even though they don’t even interact.”

Hyunjin was of course only teasing Jisung.

“Hey! We do interact! It’s just mostly in class. You’re not even in the class itself so shut up Hwang Hyunjin. At least I can keep my crush on one girl, and not the whole freaking school,” Jisung defended himself.

Jeongin let out a small laughter followed by Seungmin.

“That’s true, Hyung. You really need to stick to one person like seriously.” Jeongin threw his arm onto Hyunjin’s shoulder but Hyunjin slapped it off.

“Whatever.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

“And no, I didn’t get rejected... I didn’t even ask her out yet.” Jisung admitted in shame.

“Huh?” Seungmin let out again.

“Then what are you so miserable about?” Jeongin cocked his eyebrow.

“I-I’m scared. What if she says no? What if she doesn’t like me like that. Then it’s just going to be awkward. She’s a really sweet person and I don’t want to ruin our friendship just because I think about her more than a friend,” Jisung’s tone dampen the longer he talked. 

“But what if she also likes you like that? I mean, you don’t know... you haven’t even asked her.” Seungmin tried to encourage Jisung.

Jeongin nodded in agreement while Hyunjin just let out a chuckle.

“Dude, if you don’t ask her out, I will. Seeing her the other day at the cafe, she’s kind of cute.” Hyunjin goes into thought.

Jisung’s eyes fired up at what Hyunjin said.

“Hey! Stay away from her! But to be honest, she wouldn’t like you anyways. Sorry but she wouldn’t go for someone who changes girls everyday like he changes his clothes. Anyways--can you tell Chan for me that I will be missing practice today. Something came up. Bye!”

And with that, Jisung quickly grabbed his backpack and stormed out of the building.

“Wow, I’m hurt.” Hyunjin put his hand on his chest.

~

"Jisung, aren’t you going to eat?”

His door flashed opened with his mom’s head in between the crack.

“Soon! I just need to revise this one more time.” His eyes still not leaving his music sheet.

“Dear, don’t overwork yourself. It’s almost 11. You’ve been working on your song ever since you came home. Please come down to eat and you can continue after.” His mom tried to convince him, not wanting her own son to starve to death.

Jisung finally placed the guitar down at the defeat of his mom’s words.

“Alright mom. See you downstairs.”

~

“Wow Jisung, this is really good. And the lyrics are, wow...” Chan complimented the younger man who came to him for feedbacks on his sample.

“Do you really mean it? I mean... you really think this is good?” Jisung widened his eyes as he searched for an answer in Chan’s own.

“Yeah, of course! Jisung, are you like, okay? Because usually you’re always so confident in your works and rarely do you ever come to me or Changbin for revision.”

“Oh yeah, I’m good. I just need it to be perfect because I’m performing this song for my project on Monday and I need it to be A plus.”

Chan nodded.

“I am 100% sure you are going to ace this.” 

~

Monday had came super fast, and when reality hit that you’ll be performing in front of the class again, it railed up your anxiety very bad.

The last few projects or performances you guys had was mostly just instruments based, as the teacher wanted to see how well the students were progressing on their skills. But now you needed to dance or sing and you weren’t so sure how this was going to end.

You weren’t no song writing goddess or instruments playing master, so you were just going to do a quick simple cover of Red Velvet Psycho. 

As long as you don’t sound like a dying goat, you’ll do just fine.

You were honestly looking forward to Jisung’s performance as well. Because every time he goes up, he always come up with the most creative or mind blowing performances. Jisung didn’t need talents, talents needed Jisung.

Classes passed by like the wind, probably because most of the time you were in your own world. 

The closer it was to your 6th period, the more anxious you were, and you were already very anxious to begin with.

When the time finally came, you walked into the class and sat down at your desk. Jisung still hasn’t arrived yet.

With time to kill, your eyes circled the room and for fun, you tried guessing what some of the students would be doing.

Mhmm, that girl Yoona in the back, you’ve seen a few of her song covers on Youtube, so chances are she’ll be singing.

That guy to the right of you performed in the rally last semester, so you wouldn’t be surprised if he bounced out some steps later on.

Your thoughts were intruded when you heard the door slammed shut, your attention shifted to your teacher who stood tall in front of all of you.

“Good Afternoon class, I hope you’re all doing well, and I hope you all have something prepared today as well,” She smiled.

She then does this thing where she’ll move her eyes from left to right, trying to pick out any students who’s missing.

The desk in front of you, which belongs to Jisung, was still empty.

Jesus, does he really hate you that much that he’ll even risk losing points. You really wanted to make things right today. Or at least try working out whatever is going on between you guys, which you don’t even know what is it.

“Jisung isn’t here yet?” Your teacher asked.

You only shook your head.

“Alright, well then it looks like we’ll have to continue without h--”

Your teacher was interrupted when the door busted opened. Jisung showed up looking like he just woke up, almost out of breath like. You could tell his hair was slightly messier and the shade in his pupils darkened compared to other days. His eye bags were also more prominent.

“--Sorry, I got caught up in things.” Jisung bowed down to your teacher and then to the rest of the class.

“You’re fine. Go take a seat.” She dismissed. 

Jisung bowed again before trailing to his desk. Along the way, you guys unintentionally met eyes, followed by Jisung awkwardly breaking the contact by looking at the wall, then taking a seat.

All you could think about at the moment was what did you do to Jisung that he’s going to this extent to avoid you. Did he read your diary when you went to the restroom, and found out about that one experience you wrote when you and your family went to the water park and your stomach hurted badly so you did a little oopsie near the kids section and they never found out it was you--Oh gosh, you couldn’t imagine.

Whatever it was, Jisung must have his reasons, and you really need to stop jumping to conclusions. Everything will be okay as long as you talk to him today.

“Now that everybody’s here, we should get started, we don’t have a lot of time.” 

Then your teacher started picking out names one after another. You did genuinely enjoyed their performances, but every time someone finished, you just want to crawl into the corner and hide away from the rest of the world, because pray to the lord you don’t get called on.

Everybody was doing so good so far. 

“Please give a big round of applause to Saeron,” your teacher followed after Saeron had finished.

Everyone clapped in awed but it’ll always dimmed whenever your teacher call on the next person.

“Y/n!” She held up the piece of paper in her hand with your name written on it. 

“Huh?” you were taken back at the sound of your name.

“It’s your turn, y/n.” Your teacher sternly looked at you.

“Oh--right, right.” You sluggishly got up and made ways to the front. 

“Uhm, for today I’ll be covering Psycho by Red Velvet. I hope you’ll all like it.” you awkwardly turned to your teacher to give her the go to put on the instrumental.

Your heart was racing so fast. 

It’s okay, you can do it.

You got me feeling like a psycho psycho People keep telling us As we fight like it’s our last but then we get along They don’t get it, it’s so funny

The last piece of lyrics escaped your mouth and you sighed in relief. You bowed to the class after you were finished and was met with applause from all around the room. 

“Good job, y/n. You may now take a seat.” Your teacher smiled.

You walked back to your seat, having felt like you did a decent job, at least by the feedbacks. 

“Next up, Han Jisung.” 

You had completely forgotten about him, and that he was watching your whole performance. Ahhhhh

But on the flip side, you were excited to see what he had prepared. 

The room was filled with silence while waiting for him. He finally grabbed his guitar and went up, gulped, then stared at you for a second, but you weren’t able to read his expression.

He had displayed a more tense body language, his eyes barely meeting anyone’s. The Han Jisung you knew had always been so confident and couldn’t wait for his name to be called, while the one that stood in front of you right now looked like every ounce of his soul had left his body.

Oh man, you don’t know how much more surprises he could pull on you. You just had never seen him like this before. Or is it that you never knew him all along. Your thoughts were cut short when Jisung spoke.

“For today... I’'ll be singing a song that I wrote for uh, a special someone. I-I hope that person will like it.” He threw on a nervous smile and right then, his eyes met yours. An innocent, sweet kind of enchanted look that pulled you right in.

“Oooooooooooooooo,” the students giggled and awed.

Was he talking about me? You thought.

No way. He hates me. But why did he look at me? Oh my gosh, is this song about me? Wait--why is he writing a song about me--wait what?! You continued fighting inside your head but not for long before Jisung began playing his melody.

The calming and relaxing tone of the guitar could almost put you to sleep, of course in a good way. The soft and dreamy tune like this was something only Jisung could pull off.

Then he started singing,

“When I first met you, I honestly didn’t think too much

You were like any other person to me, someone to talk to

but slowly, each day, you’ve showed me that you were someone worth loving, worth taking care of, worth falling in love with

Before I knew it, my heart was yours.”

okay excuse those shitty lyrics, I just made it up

Every words that he said, you could see and felt that he really meant it. He wasn’t just spitting out lyrics for the sake of this project. He was speaking from his heart and mind. As if he was trying to reach out to someone. He wrote those lyrics specifically for a certain someone.

Was it for you? Was it for the girl at the back of you? 

You had no idea, but you were still secretly wishing it was for you.

The whole class’s attention and yours were glued onto him, not missing a bit of his performance. Han Jisung really got everyone whipped.

When he finished up on the last part of the song, the class exploded in applause. It was the loudest group of claps anyone has gotten so far. You were also slapping your hands together like a crazy seal.

He may not be acting like himself and is coming off a bit odd right now, but for sure, the boy’s talents is something that would never change.

The rest of the period concluded with other students showcasing what they had prepared. Not everyone got a chance as class was a bit too short, but your teacher reassured the ones who didn’t get to go up today, will be called up tomorrow. Sucks to be them.

You were knocked out for a second before remembering that you were going to ask Jisung today, whether he wants to answer or not. Jisung was still fixated on his backpack, digging and shoving through it, so you waited unsuspiciously.

He stopped the ruckus when he pulled out a piece of white paper with some words on it. You can’t read it but you can only make out the squiggly black lines. It seems that was exactly what he was looking for, so after that, he threw his backpack on. 

Panicked, afraid he might leave before you can catch him, you stepped out of your seat to confront him, only for him to turn around, causing you guys to face each other instead.

“I need you talk to you,” You both said at the same time.

“What?” Both of you guys tilted your head in sync again.

“You first,” you gave him the go.

“No, you first,” He declined.

“Fine--I just--wait.” You inspected the surroundings. You guys were still in class and this was not a good setting because anyone can just walk in any moment.

“I think it’s better if we talk somewhere else.” you continued.

You guys stopped at the school garden, and when you made sure that absolutely no one was around, you proceeded.

“I just want to know what’s been going on lately. You’ve been ignoring and avoiding me. Did I do something wrong that had upset you? I would like to know, Jisung. Just completely ghosting me like this hurts.”

You promised yourself you weren’t going to get emotional about this. 

“I know I’m a jerk, Y/n. I know. And I’m sorry about that. I just, I just... don’t know how to express my feelings to you, y/n. I’m confused, I’m lost, I’m scared, I don’t know... but I’m also in love...” He said the last part quietly, but you could still hear it.

“In love? With someone else? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“No no.” Jisung shook his head, getting more frustrated by the moment.

“And that song you sung in class, was--was that for someone?” you timidly asked. You have a theory it might be for you, but you do not want to say it, afraid you’re going to come out looking like a fool if he meant it for someone else.

“Yeah it was...” 

“Jisung, if you have feelings for someone, you don’t have to hide it from me, I’m fine with it. If you like them, go for it. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, like you couldn’t be open about your relationships or feelings.” 

“No no, y/n. You don’t get it,” Jisung exhaled.

“What do you mean? What am I not getting?”

“I didn’t write that song for someone else, or anyone else. I wrote it for you. You, y/n. I wrote those lyrics for you.”

You could hear the disappointment in his tone and his head hanging in defeat.

“Oh...” was all you could say. Not because you didn’t like him. No. You like him. A lot. Oh was the only thing you could let out because reality was getting a little hard to accept, knowing Han Jisung likes you, and wrote a song for you.

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s okay if you do not feel the same way. I really only wrote it because I didn’t know any other way to let my feelings out, and music was what I’m best at. I did felt a little better after writing the lyrics, and after performing, knowing you were listening to it. Here, take this.” 

He stretched his arm out to hand you something. It was the piece of paper he was holding earlier. It had the lyrics he had written for you on it.

“It’s okay to not feel the same way. But I hope you accept this. I might feel a little bit better if you do.” 

You extended your arm to take the white sheet of paper, still speechless. 

“I’ll get going now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gave you a small smile combined with a bow and almost walked away from your sight.

“Wait Jisung!” You stopped him in his track.

“I--I, I feel the same way too, Jisung. I like you too. And I have for a while now.”

Jisung could’ve swore he heard that wrong, but he almost dropped his backpack at what you said.

He switched back to you, his face was planted with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen from anyone.

“R-really? Y-you like me too?” He asked again for confirmation.

You nodded. 

The next moment happened so fast, and before you can process anything, you were already in Jisung’s warmth. Your chin on his shoulder and his arms wrapping around you.

“I’m so happy! Really happy, Y/n! You don’t know how happy I am!” 

uwu He was too adorable.

With your hands on his chest, you pushed a little bit to create a distance.

“Wait, then why were you avoiding me?” you frowned as you gazed at his face for answers.

“Because I don’t know. I was scared you wouldn’t like me back. I didn’t want to hurt my friendship with you. That day at the cafe I was planning on confessing but I got so nervous, I dipped. I’m sorry, Y/n. I’m a coward. But I promise from this day on, I will tell you everything. I won’t ever do it again. I-I really like you. Give me a chance.” 

He pouted and trapped you in his hug.

“Alright alright. I forgive you.”

He finally lets go of you, but his idiocy smile still not leaving his face. 

“What?”

“I don’t know. You’re just cute.”

“Pfft.”

You cheeks grew red from his remarks. Oh god, this feels so weird.

“Come on, let’s go.” He suddenly grabbed your hand, perfectly aligning it with his.

“Go where?”

“To introduce my new girlfriend to my friends.” 

He ran at full speed, dragging you as you were struggling to catch up.

The End :)

[megacarapa]

Name your top 5 favorite anime/manga! (or cartoons/shows if you’re not into anime and manga)

tagged in this by @thegaygyrus like... months ago but shh we do not talk about how freaking slow i am and how much i overthink even stupid harmless tag games ❤

update 1.1 added gifs to make it easier to look at hhdhdjd

ANYWAY MY TOP 5 IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

-----

Mob Psycho 100

this show was one of the first times that i really felt like a piece of media "got" me, like something about it spoke to me personally. if i try to put my finger on it id say that its the really positive attitude it has on personal developement, like you may be a disaster of a person and a nervous wreck right now but if you identify what parts of yourself you want to change or improve and then seriously do your best on changing them.. things will work out. along with that its also important to me because thanks to it i formed some of my first real online friendships and that aswell is a source of many happy memories. mp100 is really precious to me

Hoshiai no Sora

fscshfj if youre following me rn then its probably because of hns and you probably already know how much i love this anime. a sports anime which i like mixed in with realistic character drama which i LOVE and has not only actual lgbt characters but ACTUAL DISCUSSION OF LGBT TOPICS which is like surprisingly rare even in shows that have lgbt characters and has a wonderful cast and deals with different types of families (some are happy, some are abusive, some are seemingly happy but have different problems, some are negligent etc..) and even without the second half this show has always been 10/10 for me I REALLY LOVE THIS SHOW

High Score Girl

i have consumed a... sizeable amount of romance manga/anime and this is one that really snuck up on me in the way that i didnt super love it right away but as it went along i began to realize how much ive started to genuinely give a shit about the characters themselves and not just their romance. anyway high score girl is about 90s arcades and two kids who love gaming having a very hardcore VERY onesided rivarly who eventually fall in love and then.. in short.. reality insues for the entire rest of the series. even tho this one is a bit too cartoony and slapsticky for me, beneath that it has a golden core of heartwarming moments, really true to life portrayals of kids and teenagres and a genuine love for gaming and AAA i adore this show

Yama no Susume

cute girls doing cute things HIKING EDITION!!! this one is definetly more chill and fun and less drama and character developement than the others up til now but still i really do consider it one of my favourites, the subject matter is something i actually enjoy doing myself (more casually ofc hdhd), the character interactions are really fun ESPECIALLY between the main 2 girls (my favourite running gag is them literally talking fo each other like an old married couple) and the artwork and animation is really beautiful. yea more simple than the others but i love it so much

(last one is a manga because while i do have other anime that i love and consider favourites i just couldnt decide which of them would go in my Top 5™... meanwhile this manga is something that i genuinely consider my favourite ever so it definitely needs to go here)

Yugami kun doesnt have any friends

ONCE AGAIN i have a big ol boner for realistic characters. the main character of this manga, described in 2 words, is "literally me", described in more words... yugami is the class weirdo who sits in the back all alone and is content being a friendless loner and is always doing things his own way and obsessing with his many hobbies and his behaviour generally just comes off as bizarre to his classmates. this isnt stated in canon but yugami is literally autistic like theres no denying it, and honestly his portrayal is just delightful to me. really the gist of it is realizing that there isnt anything fundementally wrong with yugami and he doesnt need to change in order to fit other people's idea of a "normal person", hes the nail sticking out that refuses to be hammered down. IM REALLY BAD AT SELLING THINGS BUT GOD I LOVE THIS MANGA SO MUCH

-----

no tags society has progressed past the need for me to tag people but if u see this and it looks fun go and do it too!

[locksleyposting]

Perspective (B1 C4)

Synopsis: Wolfe Locksley starts her school in Hogwarts. What awaits her inside the castle’s walls isn’t what she expects her first year to turn out out as.

A/N: So I’m back... sort of... maybe, I just felt like uploading the chapter I’ve drafted for months now so here you go. Sorry for the wait if anyone did at least.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summer vacation passed by the Locksley household rather quickly and during that time, they spent relishing each other’s company before Wolfe’s first year at Hogwarts. The time spent was not wasted however, it was spent on muggle movie nights to training Faron, which was not that hard. Wolfe felt the best knowing that her first year won’t be a total wreck, maybe.

The morning of Wolfe’s first day, she woke up to light hitting her eyes, checked the time, it being “6:05 am”, and got up with a spring in her step from her excitement. She took a nice bath, put on a loose shirt, flannel and jeans, and went down for breakfast.

As usual, her parents were already down and she greeted them both with a peck on their cheeks. Her breakfast, being her favorite, was already set on the table as she sat down, and she then started eating.

“We’ll start heading to the platform at around...” said Mr. Locksley, looking at the wall clock. “...8:30 so that we’ll avoid the traffic.” Wolfe nods while chewing on her piece of bread then the three of them ate in happy chatter. Afterwards, Wolfe double checked on her things, just in case she forgot something, and headed down again with her trunks.

Leaving the trunks by the couch, Wolfe went to Faron, who was cuddled up to Jules, and softly cooed at the sight. She slowly walked closer to the pair again.

“Faron, you need to get up,” said Wolfe softly to the sleeping bird.

The said bird started to stir and he stretched his wings out as he woke up. Faron looked around and saw Wolfe, he then nipped on her hair affectionately.

“Morning to you too, love. You can have your breakfast first before I can place you in your cage, Dad said we’re leaving in about 2 hours,” said Wolfe as she petted Faron.

Faron nodded, as if understanding her, and flew to his feeder. Wolfe went to the kitchen after that to help her mother so she can kill time wisely.

~~~~~

As the clock hit 8:28, the Locksleys had already put Wolfe’s trunk in the boot of the car and started the ride to King’s Cross station. On the way there, Wolfe was bouncing her leg in excitement and nervousness.

“You okay there, sport?” asked Mr. Locksley, taking notice of his daughter’s nervousness through the rear view mirror.

“Yeah, just excited is all,” said Wolfe back, smiling widely.

Mrs. Locksley chuckles, “You’ll be fine, I know it.”

“Thanks Mum, I’ll do my best when I’m there,” said Wolfe.

“I know you will, hun.” said Mrs. Locksley, giggling.

Mr. Locksley smiled at the interaction between his wife and daughter and soon after that, the conversation went from what Wolfe’s expectation were of her school year to Mr. Locksley’s experience in Hogwarts for the rest of the car ride. The traffic was fairly decent that day so when they arrived, it was 10:23 and this made Wolfe very nervous from the thought of being late. Her parents reassured her that they were just in time before the train actually left.

In the train station, the Locksleys went to the very familiar pillar in between platforms nine and ten. Wolfe already knew what to do, from watching the older Weasleys before, but was slightly intimidated from it being her first time going through as a student. She then felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up at her father.

“Together now, love,” said Mr. Locksley, telling both his daughter and wife.

“Together,” responded Mrs. Locksley then all three held unto the cart and rushed into the wall, Wolfe closing her eyes in slight fear.

Once she opens her eyes again from slowing down, she sees the familiar sign of “Platform 9 3/4″ then families loading their belongings into the also familiar train within the platform.

“Let’s look for Ginny and the others, Mum, Dad!” said Wolfe, trying to look above the crowd of people, trying to spot the familiar redheads.

Swerving through the crowd, excusing herself to each individual, she thought that she would have seen the massive family by now. Then at 10:50, the conductor shouted, “All aboard!”, then the crowd started to disperse. Children going into the train, parents saying their goodbyes to them, Wolfe started to panic a bit.

Mrs. Locksley noticing this, stopped Wolfe gently by the shoulder. “It’s alright, Wolfe. It might be that they’re just late,” reassured Mrs. Locksley.

“But we said that we’ll meet here today. Who am I supposed to sit with in the train now?” said Wolfe sadly and nervously.

“You can meet new friend here, it’s not that bad,” said Mr. Locksley, patting Wolfe’s head in comfort.

“Easy for you to say, you can easily approach people...” mumbled Wolfe.

“I know, sport, but can you do this on your own? For us?” replied Mr. Locksley, looking at Mrs. Locksley then smiling softly at Wolfe.

Seeing this, Wolfe smiled a small smile and nodded meekly.

“That’s the spirit,” said Mr. Locksley, pecking his daughter on the forehead. “Now go on then, sport, you might not have any seats left for yourself.”

Wolfe nods and pecks both of her parents goodbye and waves to them as she goes unto the train.

“Make sure to write to us!” shouted Mrs. Locksley.

“I will!” shouted Wolfe back.

Wolfe looks back, waving at her parents one last time before boarding the train. Dragging her things, she continuously looked right for any empty compartments while also trying not to make eye contact with anyone inside. Fortunately, she was able to find one as soon as the train started.

Entering the compartment, she started lifting her belongings to the shelves above. Unfortunately, one of her trunks fell off as the train shook rather harshly but was caught by a passerby.

“Oops, be careful there,” said the stranger to Wolfe.

“Sorry about that, didn’t mean to trouble you,” said Wolfe back, taking the trunk and putting it up properly.

“It’s not a problem, we were just looking for a place to sit,”

“We?” asked Wolfe.

“Yeah, me, my brother and sister, mind if we sit here?” said the stranger, pointing at two others.

“There’s no problem to that, I could use a bit of company,” said Wolfe.

The three siblings starting piling in with their belongings, this was also the time when Wolfe took their appearances while she helped them.

The one who saved her bag was the tallest among the three, dirty blonde hair and sported, from what Wolfe knew, the Gryffindor colors. The brother was most likely the middle child, being the second tallest. He had dark brown hair and was sporting the Ravenclaw colors. The sister was the shortest, noting that she was almost as tall as her. She had brown hair and also sported Gryffindor colors. All three had a nice set of green eyes each.

Once everyone settled down, an awkward silence followed with it. Luckily, the eldest started the introductions to lessen the awkwardness.

“Sorry for not introducing ourselves, I’m Dean Winchester,” said the stranger, now known as Dean. “and these are my siblings, Sam and Rey.”

The younger siblings nod and wave respectively.

“I’m Wolfe Locksley, pleasure to meet you!”

“Wolfe? As in the wild dog?” asked Rey.

“Yup, that with an ‘e’ in the end,”

Rey nods then Sam speaks up.

“Interesting name you got there but, is that your actually name?”

“No, it’s a nickname to me. My actual name is Akito Adolfo.”

“Now I get it! Unique name, very unique,” snapped Sam happily.

Rey and Dean look at him in amusement then the latter looks back at Wolfe.

“Anyways, is this your first year at Hogwarts, Wolfe?” said Dean.

“Yup! I’ve been waiting for this practically my whole life!” said Wolfe enthusiastically but quickly became nervous. “But what if I mess up?”

Dean chuckles, “Well, if it makes you feel better, it’s Rey’s second year at Hogwarts and she got lost a couple of times last year.”

“The castle is big, okay?” said Rey, pouting at Dean but turns to Wolfe soon after.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Anyways, what house do you think you’re going in?”

“Well, I was thinking Gryffindor since my Dad was in it but who knows for sure?” said Wolfe, shrugging.

“Well, that’s alright. Sometimes you get what you least expect, just don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll be sorted into an amazing house,” said Rey, smiling.

Wolfe begins to ponder and turns sullen, asking shyly, “Will you guys still be okay with me if I’m sorted into Slytherin...?”

The Winchesters turn silent. Wolfe feels her stomach drop sadly then she started fidgeting with the cushions nervously. She knows the reputation of the Slytherins to be bad but, she didn’t expect it to be that bad.

“Of course we will! You seem to be a nice person and I don’t think you’ll turn out like those pompous snakes,” said Dean, ruffling Wolfe’s hair in comfort. “We’ll make sure of it, right guys?”

Both Sam and Rey nod at her, the latter smiling softly.

Wolfe stares in awe and relief. She didn't expect that type of answer from a person she just met a few moment ago but she was grateful nonetheless.

“Thanks, Dean. You don’t know how much that makes me feel better for myself,” said Wolfe.

“You’re very welcome,” said Dean, flashing a soft toothy smile.

For the next couple of hours, Wolfe and the Winchesters continue to talk, their topics range from past experiences the Winchesters had during their stay in Hogwarts and slight comfort for Wolfe, who suddenly felt the nervousness come back once she realized that she could mess up anytime during her stay.

Soon the train halted to a stop. Wolfe, now wearing her school robes, started walking out with the Winchesters and also hoping to see Ginny once she goes down. Once down the train, she hears a vaguely familiar voice calling, “Come now, first years! Don’t be shy-!”

Wolfe turns to the Winchesters and says, “I guess I have to go...since I’m a first year, is all...”

“Don’t worry, we’ll see each other in a bit,” said Dean.

“Good luck, Wolfe,” said Rey, waving as she and her brothers went into another direction.

“Have fun!” shouted Sam.

Wolfe waves back before turning to the first years gathered in front of a giant, which she recognized as Hagrid from the Flourish and Blotts incident. She also spots a certain redhead a few paces up front and scurries to meet her, excusing herself to any of the other first years.

“Ginny!” whisper-shouted Wolfe, grasping the said girl’s shoulders once she arrives behind her.

“Wolfe! Where have you been? We were looking all over for you in the train, said Ginny.

“Where have I been? Where were you a while ago? I was there 30 minutes before the train departed,” said Wolfe.

Before Ginny could reply, Hagrid spoke loudly but gently.

“Well first years, bet yer excited to see the school, ey? So step right up and follow me!”

With his lamp, he guided the first years to a dock of some sort. It had a few dozen boats docked in it.

“Three students per boat. Careful and watch yer step,” said Hagrid.

Wolfe and Ginny immediately went on one of the boats while the vacant seat of it was taken by a blonde girl, who seemed to be in her own little world at the moment.

“Everyone in?” shouted Hagrid, who had a boat to himself, looked at the students to double check. “Right then! FORWARD!”

The fleet of boats moved along the lake silently, following Hagrid, and soon the dark waters were lit up by a light source up ahead. In front of them was the magnificent sight of the Hogwarts castle in all its glory. Wolfe was stunned speechless and she couldn’t stop looking at it, her father told stories to her about how the school looked but nothing could have prepared her for the actual sight of it.

“Head down!” yelled Hagrid as the first boats reached the cliff. They all bent their heads and the little boats carried them through a curtain of ivy that hid a wide opening in the cliff face. They were carried along a dark tunnel, which seemed to be taking them right underneath the castle, until they reached a kind of underground harbor, where they clambered out unto rocks and pebbles.

“I’m guessing ye all enjoyed that” chuckled Hagrid, checking on the boats as the students climbed out of them. “Come on then, that’s just the beginning of it.”

Once everyone was out, they walked up a flight of stone steps and crowded around a huge, oak front door.

“Everyone here?” said Hagrid, double checking. He nods and faces the castle doors, raises his gigantic fist, and knocks on it three times.

The door swings open at once. A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood there. She had a very stern face that made Wolfe cower a bit, making her scoot a bit more to Ginny.

“The firs’ years, Professor McGonagall,” said Hagrid.

“Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here,”

She then pulled the entrance wide. The stone walls were lit with flaming torches, the ceiling was too high to reach, and a marble staircase facing them led to the upper floors. The sights awed Wolfe as more were seen.

They followed Professor McGonagall across flagged stone floors, Ginny and Wolfe murmured their amazement to each other. Soon they reached a doorway, Wolfe could hear a drone of hundred of voices from the other side. Professor McGonagallled the first years into a small, empty chamber away from the hall while the students crowded in, standing closer together the they would usually have done.

“Welcome to Hogwarts,” said Professor McGonagall. “The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have your house dormitory, and will spend free time in your house common room.”

“The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards alike. While you are in Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points while any rule breaking will make you lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points will be awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be at your best to whichever house you enter in.”

“The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest fixing yourselves as much as you can while waiting.”

She scans the bunch, stopping at particular students Wolfe doesn’t, obviously, recognize. Ginny starts brushing down her hair from the professor’s statement and Wolfe reassures her in whisper that she looks fine.

“I shall return when we are ready for you,” said Professor McGonagall. “Please wait here quietly.”

Wolfe breathes out air she didn’t know she was holding in and turns to Ginny, noticing her still fidgeting with her hair and robes, “Gin, you’re fine. Your robes are the same as everyone else in the room and your hair is as flawless as ever. What’s with the fixing?”

“I’m just nervous...all the “what ifs” are going through me and I want to make a good first impression...”

“You’re going to be fine, Gin. I bet everyone here is having the same thoughts as you are. I am to be honest,” said Wolfe, holding Ginny by her shoulders. “The main difference is that you can step up from this and do your best, and besides I’ll be here with you so don’t you worry that pretty little head of yours.”

“Thanks, Wolfe. Really. I don’t know what I’ll do without you right now,” said Ginny, ceasing her fidgeting and smiling softly back at Wolfe.

“I do my best for the both of us so don’t mention it,” chuckled Wolfe, grinning even.

Wolfe removes her hands from Ginny’s shoulders then suddenly feels a presence watching her. She looks around, finding no one remotely looking at her direction.

Ginny noticing her friend’s odd behavior, she asks, “You okay, Wolfe?”

“Yeah, I just had a sneaking suspicion that someone’s watching me...” said Wolfe, eyes squinted while still panning around the room for any onlookers.

Ginny looks around, also finding no one staring. “Guess you were just imagining things?”

“Yeah, I guess...” said Wolfe, shrugging it off but keeping her guard up for anything.

Soon after that, the entrance to the chamber revealed that Professor McGonagall had returned. “Come now, form a line. The Sorting Ceremony is about to begin.”

The students immediately lined up behind the professor and they walked out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall.

Once again, Wolfe was awed to silence. The hall was huge, lit up by thousands of candles floating midair over four long tables, where the rest of the students were already sitting. There were translucent figures floating near them, which confused and made her curious on what they were. The ceiling looked like it was the night sky outside, as if there wasn’t a ceiling at all. Up front was a long table where the teachers sat. Wolfe’s father told stories about all this but it did not do justice to the actual thing.

Professor McGonagall led the students to the front of the hall, where she placed a four-legged stool and a pointed wizard’s hat on top of it. It looked like it had better days with the patches and dirt on it.

Everything turned silent, Wolfe noticed that everyone in the hall was now staring at the hat so she too stared, if in case something happened. A few moments passed, there was silence. Suddenly, the hat twitched, a rip near the base opened like a mouth then the hat started to sing; (credits to Redditor Governor_Humphries)

For centuries and ages back As far as I remember I’m brought out on a stool each year The first night of September The first years put me on their head I say where they belong But first you must indulge me in Expository song

The song, you see is more than just A stodgy old tradition It also helps me better to Fulfill my steadfast mission. I primarily sort first years, but I also feel the need To help out the entire school So older ones take heed!

I try, each year to clarify Enlighten and alert you To each house’s history And character and virtue See, views about the Houses Four Are oftentimes distorted So here I am, the Sorting Hat And I will get you sorted!

From those who are in one’s own house Your sisters and brothers You take a bright view of yourselves A dim one then of others But I have seen in ALL your heads And so am qualified to Say where you’ve got your houses right And where you have been lied to

For Ravenclaw, the story goes It’s brains and nothing more For Gryffindor, it’s dash and verve With sense thrown out the door For Slytherin, I’ve heard it said What matters most is blood And Hufflepuff, it seems that oft Their very name is mud

Admittedly, each point contains A kernel of some truth But mostly malice, ignorance And bigotry and ruth These misconceptions harm us all So I’ll explain to you Step-by-step just how I go On sorting like I do

The FIRST thing that I look into Is not your brains or heart Nor blood, nor skin, nor big left toe No, that’s not where I start What strikes me first is not your deepest Innermost desire Nor skills, nor your abilities --It’s whom you most admire.

Houses, you see, are here for you To find your motivation They’re not to dwell on who you are But aid in aspiration So treasure wit, or verve, or sweat Or wielding pow’r effectively? Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff And Slytherin, respectively

Treasure wit, but have wit now? It’s Ravenclaw, despite it For all have wit in some small form So best to go ignite it For in emulating those Whose qualities you dream of You grow to be a you your friends May grow to have esteem of

The SECOND thing I look into Is still not heart or brains Though all those things come into play A central fact remains: At eleven, oftentimes Such things have not developed They’ll grow accordingly to the house In which they enveloped.

For instance, take a child who May right now be a coward But put her into Gryffindor And she’ll become empowered Or take a child who’s early on Behind in all his studies In Ravenclaw, he’ll study hard To keep up with his buddies

A lazy child in Slytherin May learn to be ambitious A friendless child may find the warmth Of Hufflepuff propitious I put very little stock into Eleven-year-old deeds It’s not the house the child best fits --It’s which the child most needs.

From there I must admit that it’s Less science and more art And everything from favorite food To shoe size plays a part But here the school doth ever hear A house called in my voice I always give the boy or girl, if they desire --A choice.

And thus, I say, as Sorting Hat I’ve never yet been wrong For it’s you, oh so much more than me Who say where you belong I’m here to help, to prod, to poke To nudge you if it’s needed And if you’re happy with my choice I’ll know that I’ve succeeded

But that is not so hard a thing For this is the reality: The house in which I place a child Is not that child’s totality For many, most, or all of you Though you love your house best You would have found an equal love In any of the rest.

The other houses’ flaws you see Are mirrored in your own And virtues that your own house has The others all have known Divided houses hurts the school So let me be emphatic: The differences between you are Just idiosyncratic.

Badger, lion, eagle, snake Red or yellow, green or blue, None of these are vital to What makes you really you The sorting will start very soon But I want this understood: Though I quarter students every year, You should not think it’s good.

That’s not to say that sorting’s bad (I’d quit if that was so) But there’s more, much more to Hogwarts than The House to which you go But that’s enough from me just now My warning’s been imparted There’s first years who need sorting out Let’s get the sorting started!

Once the song ended, the hall burst into applause. It bowed to each of the four tables before turning immobile again.

Wolfe felt Ginny press herself unto her and she responded by wrapping an arm around her and rubbed her arm in comfort. She knew Ginny was just having her first day jitters, Wolfe had it too but she concealed it better than her friend. Unfortunately, her facade almost crumbled once she heard what Professor McGonagall said.

“When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted.”

Professor McGonagall pulls open the parchment paper she was holding and started to read out loud, “Creevey, Colin!”

A mousy-haired boy walked over to the stool in mild haste. The hat was placed over him and a few moments of silence passed by before --

“GRYFFINDOR!” shouted the hat. The table in the far left exploded in cheer as some stood up to greet their new housemate.

Wolfe’s thoughts started to run wild, “What if the hat rejects me and I’ll be embarrassed?”

“Harper-!”

“SLYTHERIN!” shouted the hat. Another table, one that was in the far right, cheered for him as he hastily went to it. 

“What if I really am a Slytherin and people won’t like me anymore...?”

“Kirchner, Leo!”

“SLYTHERIN!” said the hat as another student goes to the table at the very right.

“What if...?”

“Locksley, Adolfo!”

Wolfe gasps quietly as her name is called. Ginny nudges her tightly to get her attention, and it does. Wolfe then proceeds hastily to the stool.

Once the hat was on her head, she feels it slowly slipping down her forehead, revealing that it was a wee bit big for her. She nervously giggles but lets it slide, her focus should be on the sorting.

“Another Locksley, hmm?” said a small voice. “Your family is a wild card, indeed they are. You have your father’s bravery but you also have intelligence, your grandmother has that too. You also have loyalty, something common amongst you Locksleys. Cunning isn’t your strong suit, unfortunately...”

“I would place you in Slytherin, it could help with your lack of ambition.”

Wolfe fidgets and meekly replies to the small voice, “Can I be sorted into a different house...?”

“A different house, you say? And what house do you suggest, young Locksley?” replied the small voice.

That moment Wolfe began to think, she wasn’t one for decision-making but her answer will affect her stay in Hogwarts, for better or worst. She then decided on it and answered the small voice mentally.

“If you are very sure then so be it...” said the small voice.

“Here we go...” said Wolfe to herself.

“...HUFFLEPUFF!” said the hat then the table to the right exploded in cheer.

Wolfe sighs and smiles in relief before rushing over to the table, She sits a little bit ways from the main group of Hufflepuffs from being shy until a stout-looking boy with blonde hair beckoned her over to them. She shyly scoots over to the group and stays silent, the blonde girl with pigtails of the group speaks up.

“Hey...uhm...Adolfo, is it? Welcome to Hufflepuff.”

Others join her in greeting.

“Yeah, welcome to Hufflepuff house.”

“Welcome Adolfo!”

“Nice to see a new face --ack --!”

Wolfe looks up a bit and notices the one who beckoned her over slumped up, clutching his stomach. The guy beside him glaring daggers at him.

“If you say it like that, it’ll sound weird.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Boys, don’t overwhelm her,” said the blonde girl.

Wolfe smiles, “Thanks for welcoming me, I was a bit nervous of meeting my housemates. Thought they might make fun of me or something.”

“Why’s that?” said the boy with dark hair of the group.

“Oh ummm... nothing...” said Wolfe suddenly.

“You can tell us, Adolfo,” said the dark-haired boy.

“Don’t pry at her about it, it wasn’t brought up so it’s not needed,” said the hazel-haired girl.

“And besides, we haven’t introduced each other,” said the blond girl. “I’m Hannah Abbot.”

“I’m Susan Bones,” said the hazel-haired girl.

“I’m Justin Finch-Fletchley and this blabbering imbecile is our friend Ernie Macmillian,” said the dark-haired boy.

“Hey! I’m not an imbecile!” retorted the blonde, now known to her as Ernie.

Wolfe giggles lightly, “Nice to meet you all.”

Susan nods, “Likewise.”

“Nice to meet you too, Adolfo. You’re gonna fit in nicely in Hufflepuff house,” said Ernie.

Justin tries not to facepalm at Ernie’s statement, Susan and Wolfe giggle and Hannah chuckles, feeling second-hand embarrassment running through her.

“Thank you for letting me feel welcome... you didn’t have to but you still did,” said Wolfe, smiling softly at them.

Before anyone of the group says anything back at her, the sorting ended and a man, whom Wolfe recognizes as Albus Dumbledore, stands up beaming at the students. The hall grows silent while the headmaster starts by saying;

“Welcome, welcome, welcome to another year at Hogwarts! It is an absolute joy to see you all for another year but since I know you all want to start the banquet so...”

With two claps from his hands, food suddenly appeared in front of them all. There were piles of roast chicken, beef, lamb chops and steak to peas, carrots, and corn all throughout the long table. Wolfe immediately nabbed some of the one she like the most near her then chatter between everyone started and Wolfe happily joined in.

Midway in eating, Wolfe suddenly felt the same feeling of staring from a while ago. She slowly turns to find one of the first year Slytherins staring at her, who suddenly blushed but didn’t turn away. Wolfe smiles softly and raised her hand then waved at him, who in turn smiled and waved back.

Suddenly she saw someone all too familiar to her, Draco Malfoy sat right beside the first year and whispered something in his ear. The first year lowered his hand and continued eating, looking more timid than before, but Malfoy looked directly at her and sneered. Wolfe sneered back at him, remembering what happened in the Flourish and Blotts, then returned to eating. She had a feeling that that was not the end of the young Malfoy and her meeting as well as the mysterious first year beside him. 

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A/N: I like to thank @drew-winchester (the Winchester family) and @thelocksmith (Leo Kirchner) for letting me add their ocs into my fanfic.

Once again, thank you for reading this! Hopefully you didn’t mind the long chapter and the long wait, hope to see you next time. Take care!

[ginny-rose-sixx]

Time to Go

A Final Fantasy XV story

Prompt: This is for @awildkaitlynhasappeared It is spawned from a convo we were having about FFXV. I hope you enjoy this my dear!

Pairing: Ignis x wife!Reader

Summary: Ignis is packing and getting ready to escort Prince Noctis to Altissa. As his wife, you are worried about him being so far away. It doesn’t help that you keep having a nagging feeling about the upcoming signing of the peace treaty.

Words: 1820

******************

You watched as Ignis compared his list of necessary supplies to what he already had packed. You have known Ignis for nearly half of your lives. You have been together for the last 2 years and have been married for the last 2 months. He has always been so meticulous about planning and executing almost everything. You smiled warmly as you thought back to when he proposed to you last year.

 ***Flashback***

You were complaining to Gladio that Ignis had seemed distracted as of late. “Gladio I’m getting worried about Ignis,” you said, sighing sadly.

 Gladio furrowed his brow at you. “YN, what on earth could Iggy be doing to have you this worried?”

You frowned and looked down as you said, “This entire last week, he has been distant. He’s been too busy to have an actual conversation with me, let alone go out on a date with me. I’ve barely even gotten any responses to the texts that I’ve sent him.”

 Gladio laughed and was relieved that it wasn’t anything actually bad. He had been helping Ignis with parts of his plans. He had gone with Ignis to pick out the ring. Now Gladio was distracting you while Ignis cooked your favorite meal.

 Gladio’s laughter stung and tears started to well up in your eyes. “Gladio this isn’t funny! I feel like Ignis is about to break up with me, and you just laugh about it? How can you think that this is something to laugh about? I love Ignis so much. I have no idea what I’d do without him.”

 Gladio turned away and cringed, he didn’t want to keep lying to you, “Shit, YN, I didn’t realize you thought THAT. Trust me, Iggy’s crazy about you.”

 You let out a shuddered sigh and asked, “How can you be sure Gladio?”

 Gladio looked back towards you and smiled, he saw Ignis coming towards the two of you. “Seriously, YN, it’ll be fine.”

 Ignis reached you and Gladio just before you could respond to Gladio. He was about to speak but stopped when he saw the tears you were trying to hold back. He gasped and reached out to wipe the tears that had just started to fall from your eyes. He tilted your face up and placed a light kiss on your forehead before speaking, “Darling, what’s the matter? What happened?”

 You tried to look down, but his hands kept your face tilted up towards his. Steeling yourself, you took a shaky breath and asked, “Ignis, are you going to break up with me?”

 His eyes nearly popped out of his head behind his glasses and he nearly yelped, “What?!” He turned his head to glare at Gladio who was trying to sneak off, “Gladiolus Amicitia what on earth did you say to her?!”

 Gladio chuckled and said, “I didn’t say anything to YN about your plans. You’re the one who messed up Iggy.” With that said, Gladio waved and walked away from you and Ignis.

 Ignis looked back into your eyes with a stricken look on his face. Before he could speak you, begged, “Why have you been ignoring me this week Ignis? Di- did I do something to upset you?”

 Ignis stroked your cheekbones soothingly with his thumbs and spoke softly, “Oh darling I am so sorry. I was so caught up in planning today that I forgot to actually engage in social interactions.”

 You were confused, “Planning? Planning what Ignis?”

 Ignis suddenly seemed uncharacteristically nervous, “Um well Gladio actually helped me pick out the ring and he was supposed to keep you busy while I prepared your favorite supper. I just wanted it to be special.”

 Once you realized what he said, you smiled and laughed softly, “Ignis, love, did you just say that he helped you pick out a ring?”

 Ignis dropped his hands from your face and started to wring them together. He blushed as reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small velvet box, and dropped down onto one knee. He took your left hand into his and spoke as he opened the box with one hand, “I was going to wait until after supper, but after what I’ve put you through this week, I don’t want to wait. YN love, I think I first fell in love with you over 10 years ago when you joined the prince’s class in school. You have been a big part of my life ever since then. This last year has been the best year of my life so far. YN YMN YLN, 1 year ago today you said yes to being my girlfriend. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

 Your face started to hurt with the large grin that was plastered across your face. You looked down at the tasteful yet intricate ring, and ten into Ignis’ eyes. You laughed at how nervous he seemed, as if you would say anything but yes. You decided to tease the poor man, “Ignis Scientia, you absolute imbecile!”

 A shocked, hurt look flashed across his face. You continued before he could speak, “If you do not get that ring on my finger this instant, I will break up with you!!”

 Ignis’ face scrunched in confusion, “Darling, was that a-“

 You laughed and tackled him to the ground, peppering his face in kisses repeating the word yes over and over again between each kiss.

 ***End Flashback***

  You were broken out of your reverie by Ignis asking you, “Darling, have you seen my new cookbook, you know, the rustic one? I just want to be prepared for if we have to stop and camp along the way to Galdin Quay.”

 You rolled your eyes affectionately and said, “For the 5th time love, it is with your other cookbooks. And before you ask, the cookbooks were packed with the camping cookware. Don’t worry, Gladio already put all of the camping supplies in the trunk of the Regalia.”

 Ignis’ eyes lit up and he laughed as he walked towards you from where his bags were. When he reached you, he wrapped his arms around your waist and leaned down to rest his forehead on yours. “My darling YN, what on earth will I do without you by my side for the next 2 weeks?”

 You gave him a small, sad smile and whispered, “You will be driven insane by those 3 goofballs,” The you spoke a bit louder, “And me, I will be eaten away by worry.”

 Ignis nuzzled his nose against yours and placed a light kiss on your lips. “Love, there is nothing to worry about. As soon as Prince Noctis and Lady Lunafreya are wed, we will begin our journey back.”

 You hummed thoughtfully before saying what was on your mind, “You know that I’ve had a bad feeling about this since we received our most recent Crownsguard orders. Do you recall the last time we had separate orders?”

 He pressed a sweet kiss to your lips before responding, “Of course I do, it was just before we had started dating. You were sent out with a hunting party to track down a pair of behemoths. You were gone for nearly 7 weeks.”

 You took a deep breath and picked up the story from where he left off, “And when I returned, I had to be carried into the castle on a stretcher. I had nearly died and I was in a coma for nine days. Thank The Six that the Oracle was already coming to visit and was able to heal me.”

 Ignis closed his eyes for a moment before looking back into yours, “Gods, it truly was a miracle that Lady Lunafreya was already on her way. I was a wreck for those nine days. While you had been gone, I had realized that the love I had for you was not that of two friends.”

 You smiled and said, “Your face was the first that I saw when I had woken up. I don’t think you even asked me if I was okay before you kissed me. The first thing that anyone even asked me was you asking me out on a date.”

 Ignis pulled away slightly and smirked, “Well can you blame me? You are absolutely stunning when you first wake up.”

 You stood up on your tip toes, “Ignis you are ridiculous!” You then pulled him into a slow, deep kiss. The smell of his cologne filled your nostrils as his lips moved with yours.

 Before your kiss could grow too heated, you heard a wolf-whistle from the open doorway. With your feet flat on the floor again, you turned to glare at the person who dared to interrupt your good byes with your husband.

 Gladio was laughing at the pouty glare on your face, “Sorry love birds but we have to get going.” He grabbed one of Ignis’ bags and motioned for the two of you to follow.

 Ignis grabbed his other bag in one hand and reached out to hold your hand with his free hand. The two of you followed behind Gladio in silence. Once you all had reached the palace’s steps, Gladio took the bag from Ignis and headed to the Regalia.

 Ignis turned to you and wrapped his arms around your waist as your arms went around his neck. He pressed kisses to your lips in between words and said, “Just. Two. Weeks. We’ll. Be texting. And calling. Every. Day.”

 You hugged him tightly and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. “Mr. Scientia, you better come back to me safe and sound.”

 Ignis returned the tight embrace, “And you Mrs. Scientia, better stay safe and sound here in the palace.”

 The two of you held each other tightly for a while until Noctis yelled out, “Iggy come ooonnn! We gotta go!”

 You pulled back a bit to pull Ignis in for a deep but short kiss. You released Ignis to let him walk down the steps. Just as the boys were getting into the Regalia, you called out, “Hey Gladio, bring my husband back to me in one piece!”

 Gladio laughed loudly but Prompto yelled out before he could. Prompto addressed you with an air of playful formality, “Fret not Lady Scientia, your knight is in good hands!”

 Ignis smiled at you one last time from the driver’s seat, before the Regalia pulled away slowly and increased in speed. You watched as the car disappeared into the distance. The gnawing feeling that something was severely wrong only increased once the car was out of sight.

 You sighed and wrapped your arms around your abdomen. You turned slowly back to the palace door. Tears started to trickle down your face as you walked back to the rooms you shared with your husband. All you could do was pray to The Six that everything would turn out okay in the end.

[sukunastoy]

5, 10, and 15 for the asks

From this post <- Send me an ask!

First of all. I enjoy the increments of 5 here. I find it satisfying. 😂

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

Well, there are several. 😁

But the main is my fiancé, he does his best to make me smile even when I don't want to. (Cause some days I'm a pouty turd or an emotional wreck.)

Several online friends, I always get excited and happy when I receive a message. It really makes my day. (You're one of them! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) )

Can I also say Sukuna? Okay.

Sukuna. o(≧∀≦)o

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Overall, yes. I can keep a deadpan look for quite some time, particularly because I hate being asked "Whats wrong?" Like, where would you like me to begin? Buckle up, sit down, its a long story!! If I'm with someone I'm really close with, I'm a lot more open with my feelings because I know they aren't going to judge or ask annoying questions or put me down for feeling a certain way.

Except when it comes to Sukuna...my feelings are shamelessly laid out there.

15. personality description

Introverted, empath, loyal, giving, shy, nervous, and bat-shit crazy sometimes.

I'm very introverted, and I really don't enjoy being around people. (Its why I prefer online so much.) I am super anxious and nervous, and my social battery is very, very limited. Physical interactions just suck the life out of me. Not all! I enjoy hanging out with very close friends, but even with them, when that battery is out, I can't help it, I need my alone time. But I'll never be rude or obnoxious about it. Not that I don't love them dearly. I'm just mentally drained and I need to go crash. Being an empath sort of makes me "Judgy" but its cause I can pick up on peoples feelings/vibes before they even start talking to me, and most of the time I know if they are gonna turn out to be a crappy person or not. But I'm also a good judge of a nice person as well, and usually click with those people immediately. I am very loyal to those I'm close with and would do literally anything for them. Super helpful and willing to do what I can. (I was raised very poor, and very mistreated by my parents who always demanded the world just hand them everything, so that made them have enemies, and we were usually discarded by all and no one would help us when we actually needed help.) So, I hated that, and I'll never judge what someone close to me needs, and I wont ever be angry if someone needs my help or assistance. You need money for food? Hit me up. You need money for gas? Hit me up. You need a ride? Need some money to get through the week? Need a specific thing you can't afford? Need someone to confide in? Hit. Me. Up. I wouldn't ever let those close to me feel like they can't reach out to me for something, cause I hated that lonely feeling growing up. (My parents were disliked, so I was disliked as well.) I am very giving, and sometimes might even give too much, but, sometimes I can't help it.

And I'm batshit crazy for Sukuna. Is my obsession obvious?

I hope so.

Thanks for the questions!! ヾ(•ω•`)o

[randomactsofpigeon]

Now I am all riled up about my experience with a batshit crazy animal rescue, so let me tell you about the “great” care they took of my cat, Luca, before I adopted him:

1. My husband found him in a pet shop.  This by itself isn’t weird; many shelters and rescues will put their cats in comfortable displays in pet shops to increase visibility to potential adopters.  What was disturbing, however, is all Luca did was was pace endlessly, and I mean endlessly, back and forth along the length of his space.

2. Batshit crazy shelter lady told me he was going blind.  This seemed substantiated by the obviously unhealthy look of one of his eyes.  My spouse and I had a lot of discussions about how we could care for a blind cat, and decided to move forward.

3. BCSL told me in our next phone conversation that her reason for believing Luca was going blind is that he wouldn’t leave his crate during active time.  (Two things from this: The rescues cats lived exclusively in crates, and Luca had apparently not left his crate for at least four months, based on his history.  It apparently did not occur to her that this might have other causes or wasn’t healthy for Luca psychologically.  But more on that later.)

4. The first WEEK we had him, the eye began to discharge green mucus, streaked with some red fluid.  Obviously we were extremely concerned. I took him to a new vet because they could see us that day (which led to me finding this incredible vet practice, but that’s another post).

5. I took Luca and all his paperwork from the rescue to the vet.  The vet told me that not only were both his eyes badly infected, he also had a viral infection and a tapeworm.  It was plainly obvious to us both that he had not been receiving the level of vet care advertised by the rescue, but had been neglected for some time (particularly in light of the “he’s going blind” rather than “he has an infection that needs treatment” which any vet could have spotted easily).

6. The physical ailments were treated and cleared up quickly once, you know, actual medical care was involved.  The psychological issues, on the other hand...

7. Luca is the most skittish cat I’ve ever known.  He was like this from the first time we met him in the shop.  We followed every possible best practice for introducing him to our home and other pets (and he actually loves other cats).  But EVERYTHING makes him nervous.  Close a door?  He will be pacing frantically outside it because he can’t be closed off (see above re: too much time in a crate).  Open a window, and he’ll realize the house itself is a very large box and likewise pace frantically in front of it.  Loud noise outside? He’ll be an anxious wreck for the next half hour.

8. If he’s in a room, you have to loudly announce your presence as you enter, before you get close to him, or he will absolutely freak out.  He was sleeping next to me yesterday, I moved my leg, and he jumped three feet in the air.  I spent the next five minutes calming him down.

9. I want to note at this point that his only history is being with a foster family for his first four months of life, and then at the rescue until he was nine months.  There was no indication given to us that he had been abused at the foster, or had any trauma symptoms, which is why I’m 1000% sure he picked up these habits at the rescue.  I also want to note that we had two other well-adjusted cats at the time of his adoption, and again followed best practice, so I don’t believe our care exacerbated his issues.

10. He has gone through times when he refuses to come downstairs for unknown reasons.  He’s the reason we have food, water, and litter upstairs now.

11. He craps outside his clean box from time to time.

12. He’s afraid of heights, and his play is awkward, like he wants the toy but he’s also a little afraid of it as well.  He is our only cat that has no interest in bird or squirrel watching.

But this shelter has the fucking AUDACITY to put in their contracts that THEY can randomly check up ON ME and TAKE MY FUCKING CAT if they believe I’m not “living up to their standards”. It’s not about protecting animals.  It’s about animal hoarding and enjoying control over other people.

I am happy to say that we’ve seen some real improvements in the past year.  We’ve now had him for three years.  In 2020, a pair of kittens fell into our lap, four weeks old at the time.  We started out fostering them and ultimately decided to keep them. 

Luca loved these kittens from when they first entered the house.  When they were quarantined, he’d sit outside their door, not pacing, but monitoring, interacting with them through the door, and making sure to alert us any time we were near that there were kittens in there.  When they were slowly introduced, Luca was the one who made sure they were bathed and cuddled and cared for (he did not believe humans capable of doing this properly lol).  

Now that the kittens are almost a year old themselves, they are his best buddies.  They adore him.  And one of the kittens in particular is very social and outgoing, and has done a lot to bring Luca out of his shell and make him finally feel comfortable.  It’s the best thing that could have happened for him. 

But yeah.  Fuck these kinds of rescues and fuck the people who run them.  They should be in jail.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e103

Lmao

"I went to the year 2020. And it was heavy." Too real.

Liam is FREAKISHLY good at this lol

Meanwhile Sam quickly turned into Shaggy

Ooooo so is he pulling pieces of the planes into the real world??

Oh jeeze I don’t like that idea that the Traveler might have known about this...

[[MORE]]

Also y’all should be concerned about the crew

And how far away from the island do you have to be because they could sail away a bit and then come back in the morning.

Oh no fuck

Did the dragonturtle get it???

Oh no

NOOOOO

NOT THE SHIP

they’re fucked

RIP to the ship

I’m worried about them sleeping on the island

Uh oh the volcano is angry

"I like it, it’s a power move." Have I mentioned how much I love Veth’s and Fjord’s interactions?

Also see I wonder if he knows they’re conspiring against him

He’s the worst, I can’t believe he was just going to dump some of his followers off

I’m glad he was reassuring to Jester at least, but... feels bad, man.

Also stop being a coward and fight with Jester, butthead.

Oh good, he promised

I love how Matt has apparently just forgotten this is communion and they’re just talking

HE PUT TUSKTOOTH ON THE MOON that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen

Someone hug Jester

Everyone group hug her please I’m begging

Mmm I wonder what he needs jade for

So the fog is because he’s fire in water which makes steam aka a vapor that could cover the whole island right??

BEAU

No

GODDDD

Oh my god Caleb this is so sweet!! I’m gonna cry??

Omg he had a cat?? A real cat??

I’m emotional

"It’s good to look back, even on the painful stuff. It lets you see how you’re different, how you’ve changed. It’s good to look back."

Nobody wrecks me like Veth and Caleb wreck me

Stoooooopppppp I’m EMOTIONAL

Goddamn Liam O’Brien

I am having the most feelings

Ohhhhh boy I’m nervous

oh nO

Phew okay they’re okay

I hope they figure out what to do soon so they don’t have to go through losing their memories again

Yashaaaaaaa

Baby girl’s got feathers!!!!!!!

Fjooooord

Of course Fjord would be the one

Ship graveyard?

Ship... storage??

Lol Liam is pushing hard for that “I’m gonna be stuck as a shark because lolz

Caduceus??

CADUCEUS???!?

BABY!!

NO!!

God whyyyyyy

Listen though I love Fjord looking out for him and how hard he fought to pull him back 10/10 good feelings