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warriorlid14 · 4 years

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Ani Re-read Book 3: Part 1

Okay, so it’s been said a thousand times before, BUT. Why is Tobias’s book cover actor not blond?? It is literally mentioned within the first pages in the book. COME ON SCHOLASTICS! Also, not that there’s not an encounter in this book, but there’s an encounter in every book. So the title is very vague.

“My name is Tobias. A freak of nature. One of a kind.” Buddy.

“One afternoon, I was riding the thermals” Everyone take a drink. (game is: drink anytime any of the kids mentions thermals)

Obviously Dealin’ Dan Hawke is a douche, but... iconic name, man.

“Sorry! I missed the first bus! I just got here!” I’m sorry, Tobias, did you just start your rescue mission without verifying if your backup had arrived yet???

“Although right at the moment she wasn’t pretty- impressive, but not pretty.” Excuse you, elephants are beautiful creatures.

Ya know, I don’t know who has the braincell in this group. Like, individually, they’re all smart and capable and hella competent. But put more than one of them together, and all of that immediately vanishes. Tobias. Rachel. My children. That was the stupidest most needlessly risky plan in this series thus far. I love you, but- (They’re clearly 14.)

“But I was glad to fight the Yeerks. Maybe I just had less to lose than the others.” Baby, no.

“We’re supposed to be rescuing the entire human race from being enslaved by the yeerks.” “I thought you didn’t want to save the world, Marco.” Buuuuuurn. Okay, but I’m glad Tobias is fighting back now. These two are clearly still not friends. But at least it’s a little more equal now.

“Marco and I will probably never be very close.” Eggs and bacon, you’re mistaken.

“I guess girls think [Marco’s] cute because he has this long brown hair and dark eyes.” Ah yes. These girls think he’s cute. Not Tobias. No siree, Tobias does not think Marco is cute. (Anyway, I ship it.)

“I saw Cassie and Jake touch their hands together in a way that could almost have been accidental,” rhkjdsfdguh MY HEART

“Hey, Rachel, you’re not just doing this to save the human race... You get off on the danger.” Huh. I hadn’t realized this was brought up this early on.

“You say you’re no leader, but I’ll go with you.” Okay, but honestly, I love missions where Tobias is like “I have a plan and it is ridiculously stupid. Who’s in?” And everyone else jumps in. Tobias doesn’t take the lead often, but when he does, it’s great. (But also, he couldn’t be the leader long-term. He doesn’t want to anyway, but he has too much on his plate to also deal with leader guilt. He does have the inspiration speech part nailed down though.)

“How many risks could we take before we lost? How long till the five of us were four? Or two? Or none?” Well-

You know, I really want to read the scene where they all chose their bird morphs. Like, I’m picturing Rachel immediately calling dibs on the bald eagle. Cassie being like “ok, fine, this is a peregrine falcon. It’s the fastest-” And Jake immediately calling dibs with a smirk to Rachel. And then Marco being like “wait, no. I want to be the falcon, too”. But Cassie is like, “no, variety. plus both the bald eagle and the peregrine falcon have their downsides” and Marco grumbling about it and acquiring the osprey in defeat.

That scene where Cassie and Rachel are setting each other up for jokes at the guys’ expense? Love them.

Also, Marco and Jake fighting over who gets to morph the alpha male? They’re tiny children and I love them. (also, they’ll grow it out of it fast.)

“She still had nightmares about the shrew experience” omg, Rachel and Tobias are already confiding in each other about their nightmares?? My babies.

“Who had bacon for breakfast?... Rachel? Bacon? I thought you said you were going vegetarian!” Lol.

“Which sounded pretty reasonable. Until you noticed that ‘Cassie’ had her head tilted back and her snout pointing at the sky and was yodeling like an idiot.” I’m telling you, all these kids are hilarious.

“I guess I thought that if I ever started to feel really sorry for myself, I might never stop.” So, up until now, Tobias had not said anything that indicated he was upset about being stuck in morph. He comforted Jake when he told him. He’s made a few jokes about it. He’s gone “oh no, it’s not that bad. I love flying.” He’s put on a strong face and dedicated himself to fighting the war. He’s bottled up all his emotions. And it’s going to be absolutely horrible when they inevitably spill over.

“I just know those two campers were out of there before they knew what hit them.” Yeah... they’re probably Controllers now.

“Not that you’d ever want to give it a hug. Taxxons are gross, disgusting creatures.” Hey!

Marco and Tobias are so smart?? They were immediately like, “huh. This ship is picking up supplies. This is a weakness that can be exploited.”

“I was human. I was a boy named Tobias... But part of me kept saying. ‘It’s a lie. It’s a lie. You are the hawk. The hawk is you. And Tobias is dead.’“ I’ll talk about this later. But for now: :(

Tobias really is the deus ex machina in the group. I can’t count the number of times the kids are in a tense situation and then Tobias comes in for the save. Especially when he’s separated from them. It’ll be like “OMG, WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!” and then Tobias will show up and like, dive bomb the person attacking them. He’s their eyes in the sky. The team scout. The ace up their sleeve.

So this scene where the kids almost get trapped in morph is probably the most intense scene in the series thus far (at least until the second half of this book). And it’s only a few pages long. But oh man, Tobias. We have him desperately urging his friends to demorph, trying his best to help them even through his own distress. Marco is using him as motivation to morph faster, and Tobias just has to take it because he knows it’s what Marco needs. The understandable relief from the others as they make it out, and as much as he’s glad for them, there’s the sick realization that this will never be him. He will never be human again. And the pitying glances that he gets afterwards. Which, by the way, he has been putting up with for weeks now without a word. Just... BABY.

I’m going to stop there for now, even though this means that part 2 will be a little longer than usual. But speaking of: major trigger warning for attempted suicide for part 2.

Previous installment here.

#warriorlid reads animorphs #animorphs #animorphs spoilers #suicide mention

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ladynuwanda · 6 years

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Heart of Darkness (Michael LangdonXFemale Reader) - Epilogue

(After reading Chapter 4, my dear @langdonsdemon suggested I wrote an epilogue and, to be honest, I had this idea on my mind all along... I actually broke my own heart writing this one, it was an experiment on sadness and pain, so if you’re not into that stuff I’d say let’s end Heart of Darkness with Sealed with a Kiss. 😉 I wouldn’t even have posted it, if it wasn’t for @laying-with-the-devil and @ccodyfern telling me it was safe, that y’all are not gonna hate me forever. But I’m still not sure... 🤔)

Chapter 1 (word count: 1,4K)

Chapter 2 (word count: 1,2K)

Chapter 3 (word count: 1,5K)

Chapter 4 (word count: 6,3K)

Epilogue (word count: 1,7K)

“2015 is gonna be my year!”, I thought as I left my hometown to live in the big city. The job my cousin got me at the library was a blessing, and he seemed kinda proud to use his influence to help me out, he really loved being able to say that he “knew people”. But the truth is that I couldn’t stand living in that same old town, walking the same old streets, meeting the same old people... not after that nasty breakup that nearly broke me for good. I needed a fresh start some place where no one knew me at all. Sure, missing my family was a bitch. But at least my mom let me bring Vanilla with me... cats are family, too!

I loved walking to work in the morning. Even though my cheap-ass apartment was small and plain, the neighbourhood I had to walk through to get to the library was actually kinda fancy. Beautiful large houses, with nice gardens... the men seemed smart, the women seemed kind, and the children seemed happy. It was the margarine comercial life, the kind of life I could aspire living, someday. My favourite house was the one with the roses. The scent was absolutely overwhelming, I always ended up slowing my pace as I walked past it. Sometimes I could see a little boy at the window, he would wave whenever he’d see me, his cute little angel face lighting up with a smile.

I have only actually met the owner of that house once. I felt a little excited, to be honest, like I was meeting a celebrity, or something. This impressive middle-aged woman, with her blond hair perfectly made, wearing an elegant - if a little old-fashioned - dress, while taking care of her flowers. I greeted her good morning as I walked by and complimented her on her roses. I regretted opening my mouth the moment she turned around to face me. The woman looked downright furious. Damn my small-town manners! Thinking every single person I meet is a potential friend... Why did I have to bother this lady? The way she stared me down made me feel completely stupid, like my IQ had dropped at least fifty points during the time she took to remove the cigarette from her mouth and puff out a long cloud of smoke.

“They are lovely, aren’t they?”, she said it like she meant the exact opposite, “I honestly can’t stand them. They’re my grandson’s doing. If I’d have it my way, I’d never again lay my eyes on a rose bush for the rest of my miserable life!”. I thought her grandson was the little boy that was usually by the window, and wondered how that cute blonde toddler could possibly be responsible for growing rose bushes. But she tilted her head slightly, pointing at a young man I hadn’t noticed before, tending to one of the other flower-beds. “Michael, be the gentleman I tried to teach you how to be, and give this young lady a rose...” I could almost hear the words she didn’t say out loud, but was most certainly thinking “so she’ll go away at once”.

The young man named Michael plucked a rose from the nearest bush and turned in my direction. He was apparently in his late teens, and I saw the glint of the sun on his golden curls as he stood before me, handing me the rose. He gave me a shy smile and an even shier look from under long eyelashes. “Thank you, Michael”, I felt a sudden urge to be extra nice to this boy, probably because of the harsh way his own grandmother had addressed him. His blue eyes lingered on mine a moment longer, warm and sweet, and he gifted me with a most dazzling smile. I smiled back and quickly composed myself as best as I could. Nodding a wordless farewell to his grandmother and him, I continued my walk to the library.

That had been my only encounter with Michael Langdon, until the morning I saw a range rover collide violently against his body, running him over. Shock turned into horror as I saw the driver put the range rover in reverse gear and run him over again. It stopped, Michael’s body rolling on the asphalt. I couldn’t believe my own eyes, but the range rover was moving forward again, running him over a third time, and driving away from its victim at sickening speed.

It stopped abruptly almost beside me, to avoid hitting a stray dog. That was the most absurd thing that could possibly happen after what I just had seen! The driver and I locked eyes for a moment, and I saw she had copious tears running down her cheeks. This “triple-hit and runner” was not a monster, she was just a girl... like me. She looked at me with a strange familiarity, like she knew me. I was feeling some of that familiarity towards her as well, although I couldn’t explain why. I was absolutely sure I had never seen those big brown eyes before in my entire life. But somehow, I knew... under different circumstances, in another life, we could have been friends. I just knew it, by the way she looked at me. “I’m sorry”, she whispered through her tears, and drove away sobbing.

Michael’s grandmother was with him now, and I kept walking towards them as fast as I could. I was almost there when she dropped him back on the ground and moved away from him. “Go to hell!”, she spat those words at her agonising grandson and turned around. She went inside her house without looking back, slamming the door shut with a violence that seemed unnecessary.

I don’t think she was calling 911.

I fell to my knees by his side, my phone already in my hand to try and get help. I felt my stomach drop as I looked at the bloody ruin that was his body. I wasn’t an expert, but I could tell he had several fractured bones, and possibly internal bleeding. His face was blood and tear-stained, his eyes wide. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain he was in, but when I looked into his eyes I saw mostly fear. I held one of his hands, the one that seemed less injured, as I dialled the number one more time. But no matter what I did, the call simply wouldn’t get through.

“It’s too late”, his voice was no more than a breathy whisper. He squeezed my hand faintly, his teary eyes pleading. I put my phone away and looked at him, both my hands holding his, I had to blink away my own tears so I could see him properly. “Stay with me”, he sobbed and I could almost hear the sound of my own heart breaking. “I’m here, Michael, I’m right here with you!”, my fallen tears making clear lines on his blood-stained cheeks.

“I’m scared... please... please, don’t leave me...”

“I’m not going anywhere, Michael, I swear!”

I had read somewhere that you were not supposed to move someone’s body in this situation, specially not the head. You may cause a new injure to the spine, and end up crippling the person for life. But I had a feeling that, no matter what I did, he was not getting up from there ever again. His body was beyond salvation, but his soul needed comfort. He was feeling scared and alone, and I could not bear the pain I saw in his eyes for another second. I pulled his upper body onto my legs, cradling him in my arms like he was a small child, caressing his face with my fingertips, doing my best not to cause him any more pain than he was already going through.

“You’re gonna be ok”, I knew I was lying through my teeth, but what else could I say? “It’s gonna be alright... just breath”, terrible advice, inhaling only caused him to cough and more droplets of blood escaped his mouth. “I’m sorry... I’m sorry... I’m sorry...”, I leaned over him, cupping his cheek with one hand, and touched his forehead with mine. At least now I was being honest, I really was sorry. He was making a hideous gurgling sound on the back of his throat when he breathed... I didn’t know what else to do, I just wanted to take the pain away from him, somehow.

“Maybe... I deserved it... it’s my own fault...”

“It’s not your fault, Michael! It’s not!”

“I just... I don’t wanna be alone...”

“You are not alone! You hear me? I’ll never leave you alone! Ever.”

He looked at me with unexpected sweetness, his blue eyes warm like molten silver. The expression of pain left his face, being replaced by something that looked almost like peace. He seemed to be breathing a little easier now, and I saw the shadow of a smile on his lips. I tried to smile back through my tears, running my fingers through his curls. I wanted him to know he was not alone, that someone cared for him. For a few moments we just didn’t move. The whole world seemed to stop. Time itself was still. We just looked at each other. Breathing. Nothing to be said or done. He just needed someone to be there for him, I just needed him to resist.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second, with an angelic expression. When he opened his eyes again, a real smile was spreading upon his face. “Thank you”, he said very softly, before the light left his eyes. Sobbing, I ran my fingertips gently over his blue eyes, to close them, and let a long, painful wail leave my lips, coming straight from my heart. He looked so much like a sleeping angel, his face was so peaceful, I felt like I was never gonna be able to stop crying again.

I was willing to pay whatever the price to give him that. To make sure he felt loved, at least during his final moments. And I payed the price. I payed for it with my own heart.

#Michael Langdon #American Horror Story #AHS Apocalypse #AHS fandom #Michael Langdon fanfic #Michael LangdonXFemale Reader #Cody Fern #Heart of Darkness

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punkpanda16 · 6 years

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Mistakes and Miracles- ch.1

Yoongi x Reader

Word count: 3.9k+

Summary: We never know what to expect in life . Just like you never expected to be a single mother at a young age, much less come to find the father of said child is no other than you idol Min Yoongi from the worldide hit band sensation BTS. What will happen to your somewhat “normal” life when he comes in and turns it upside down? Will you be able to raise a child with your extremely attractive bias?

Warnings: hints at abuse, thoughts of abortion, reckless acts

Type: Fluff, angst, smut (eventually)

~Your POV~

How did this happen? One minute you are a simple girl living her life as a college student. You were free one moment and now you’re sitting in a hospital room holding a whimpering baby boy.

He was so fragile and pure...everything you always wanted but never knew you needed. He had jet black hair and small almond shaped brown eyes. He was everything good in this world and you loved him with every ounce in your body but he wasn’t yours.

He wasn’t yours but in this moment you swore to commit yourself to him and only him. He would not end up in the gutter. He would never feel the rejection his mother gave him. All he would know from now on is love.

You held a neatly folded letter in your shaky hands as you tried to soothe the crying little bundle...

Dear Y/N,

I know we haven’t known each other long but I have come to trust you more than anyone. At a time in my life when I had no one and no hope, I met you. You cared for me as if I were your family even when we were merely strangers and despite being younger than me you taught me so much about life. I only wish I could have met you sooner. Before any of this happened.

Sadly, the night we met I made a great mistake that I now have to pay for.

I thought I would be able to move on and forget about it but this thing growing inside me is a constant reminder. I found out that it, is actually going to be a boy. But to me he is still nothing. Something that will tie me down and I would I surely to hate.

I was close to getting rid of him but you convinced me to do otherwise because you said it deserved a chance to live. Now, please don’t think I am some heartless monster, he is and always will be my son, but I can’t help how I feel. You know what my past was like.

When I think of my future this baby was never a part of it. The only reason I give it a chance to live was out of respect for our friendship. That’s why he’s is yours now. I could give him life but not love.

His father doesn’t know he exists. I know I never told you who he is but I only kept it a secret because I didn’t want him to feel obligated to be with me over something so insignificant. Things were too complicated to rope him into this too. If he knew and stayed with me, he wouldn’t have loved me like I wanted. It would have been contract, not what I wanted for him, me, and this baby.

But I guess now it doesn’t matter. By the time you read this I’ll be long gone and you know if I leave you won’t find me, so I might as well tell you. His father is Min Yoongi. Yeah, the guys from BTS is the father of this baby. I didn’t believe it either but life happens Y/N and now I can’t change things.

Y/N, I beg you not to hate me, even though I can already sense how angry you are with me, because you are and will continue to be my person,my rock, and savior. You saved me from myself in more ways that you’ll ever understand. Give him the life he deserves. He is yours. Save him like you saved me. I am so so sorry. Never let him know that I exist.

-Emma

Tears began to roll down your cheeks. Pretty soon you were sobbing like the baby in your arms. How could she hate him? Her own son meant nothing to her. She had a horrible past, she herself was a was abandoned and a foster kid that suffered unspeakable abuse. It left her scarred physically and emotionally, but that was no excuse for all the pain she was inflicting on others.

She remained closed off until you met her. You saw the broken women in front of you and felt compelled to save her. You had first hand experience with abuse at a young age but lucky you had a support system that helped you. However, she was all alone. You could never forgive her for what she’s done but you understood.

Then it hit you Min Yoongi...the father is Min Yoongi!!!

~Flashback~

It was your first concert ever. You couldn’t contain your excitement when you got the confirmation email that your BTS tickets were ordered.

Now you stood in front of the huge auditorium next to thousands of screaming ARMY. It was the first time in months since BTS was in Los Angeles so you knew they were about to leave it all on stage. You could just feel the excitement building. The set was about to begin but your attention was pulled to the front of the stage where security was currently fighting with a young women who seemed to be about your age. She was walking out from backstage and seemed distressed.

It look just like another situation in which ARMY got overly excited and tried to get near the boys you all loved so much. Pretty soon she gave up and took the empty space that was next to you. She continued to frown until the boys came on stage. Her smile only grew as Yoongi introduced himself.

“Are you a Yoongi stan?” You asked.

“YES!! Look at that cute grumpy old man up there! He’s the best!How can he be so cute AND sexy?!? I swear one of these days he will get sued for attacking us with his gummy smile!” She responded with the most genuine joy and excitement.

“Right!” You responded.

“Are you a Yoongi Stan too?!” She asked and you nodded your head excitedly.

“Emma” she stuck out her hand.

“Y/N” you took her hand and shook it with a bright smile.

From that point on you knew that you would be friends. For the rest of concert you sang and screamed and cried together.The concert ended and you shared contact information promising to keep in touch. After saying goodbye she headed to an after party. She asked you if you would like to join her but you being the antisocial little butterfly you were, kindly said next time.

Next time, came sooner than expected. Not even a day later she messaged you and asked if you wanted to hang out.

Your friendship grew quickly. She was everything you wanted to be beautiful, smart, and carefree. Her bouncy Titian hair was as wild as her personality. In a short time she exposed you to things like dark parties full of hot sweaty bodies high on drugs and drunk out of their minds. You were hesitant at first but when she was by your side you felt a new sense of confidence. You socialized, danced, and started living for once in your life you let go.

However, she had a peaceful side. Something about her aura outside those parties was so pure. It was like she was a different person at night. During the day she took you to beautiful spots with amazing views where you would sit and read poetry and talk about life. She told you about her past and the horrors she endured. She was only 3 years older but she seemed to hold the answers to all your unanswered questions.

At night, she let go of all the pain with drugs and a drunken stupor. You felt like maybe it was time to fix her...well actually heal her like you were healed.

Surprisingly she never slept with any guy. She may have been drunk out of her mind but she never let that change the values she set for herself. Which is what made later events all the more confusing.

Over the next few weeks you spent more and more time together during the day you talk and listen to each other. At night you would live life her way. Slowly she opened up more and more. Then she began to see you like the little sister she never had. Pretty soon together you worked on the emotional baggage you both carried.

You were always a misfit but she understood you perfectly. She was your best friend so when you found out she was pregnant you stayed by her side.

“I don’t want it!” She screamed as she fell to the bathroom floor with tears streaming down her cheeks.

You stared at the test in your hands and couldn’t believe it. The girl who, even in her most dazed moments honorably kept her dignity, was caring a child. A child she didn’t want. But that just showed how everyone, even someone you idolize, can make mistakes.

“Em” you said softly as you sat beside her. You took her shaking body in your arms and rocked her back and forth like she had to done to you many times before. “Look, I don’t judge you and I’ll support you with whatever you decided to do but maybe you should give this baby a chance.” Her sobs began to quiet down and she looked up at you with sad lost eyes.

“Y/N do you want kids?” The question came out in broken hiccups as she tried to compose herself.

“Of course it’s been my dream since I was young. A family. Babies. It’s what I see in my future.” You replied simply.

“So that means you are passionate about that dream for your future?” You nodded.

“Okay. Now image that same passion except for the opposite. I don’t want to bring a child in this world. The world ruins things that are good and pure. We are born with hope in our eyes but the all the bad things in this world kills all innocence. You and I both know that the light fades. It dies to the point where all you can do is try to live day by day stupidly hoping things get better.”

You felt the tears pool in your eyes but you refuse to let them fall. She was right the world ruins good things but that doesn’t mean there isn’t good out there, she just had to see it at some point and that baby deserved to see it too.

You cleared your throat trying to keep your voice steady as you continued. “ Em, when the light fades you feel like you’ve died while still living. But sometimes you meet people and find a purpose and hope again. That’s what my family is to me. And my friends.”

“That’s what you are to me” she said softly.

“Yes, Em, that’s what you are you to me too. This baby can be another good thing. Even if right now you think it’s not you can at least give it a try.” You gave her a reassuring smile as you looked down at her. You could see her turning your words in her head until she finally nodded.

You stayed with your arms wrapped around her for a while. You sat in comfortable silence as you let the emotions of the day float away.

“Y/N?” Emma broke the silence.

“Yeah.”

“Will you stay with me...not just right now but through it all?” She asked nervously.

“Did you really think I was going to leave you?” You said with a small laugh. At this she let out a small sigh of relief.

You kept to your promise through it all. Every appointment. Every pain. Every sick morning. Every 3 am craving. You were there. Baby shopping and birthing class. That baby became just as much yours as it was hers. You thought the pregnancy was helping Emma. She smiled and laughed. She even stopped her late nights. She read more poetry and lived a healthier life. She seemed to really try for her baby. Up until the day the baby was born she was fine, at least in your eyes.

~Present day~

“What do you mean I can’t take him home?” You practically scream at the social worker.

“Ma’am we are doing an investigation on what happened with Ms. Rose. We can’t just hand over the baby too you. She may have left a letter saying you would take the baby but first we have to make sure you are a competent caregiver for the child.”

Competent!! Competent my ass!!! You couldn’t believe that they had taken the baby from you an hour ago and now he was being hulled to a foster home. You only got to spend 2 days with him at the hospital. They said it was “temporary” but you couldn’t risk it. Emma had told you the things that happen in those places and although you knew it wasn’t always true, you didn’t want to put him at risk. He deserved the best and you weren’t sure if that was you but you sure as hell were willing to try for him.

Lucky for you, you had friends that worked in child services. Ironically, you met them through Emma. They understood the situation better than anyone. They all knew she was not ready to have a child and that she never wanted them. They even suggested she give him up for adoption but she always refused. Now that you think about it she refused because she already had a plan for the baby, he was going to be yours. They, like she, knew that you were the best option for him. Em, may have been wild but she was always put a lot of thought in the decisions she made. Always taking into consideration the pros and cons, in order to get the best result. That’s why you were the one. No one else.

They pulled some strings and within a couple of days he was with you again. The official adoption would take some time but for now he was under your care.

The court days were the worst. Everyone used lawyer talk to basically say your ex friend was a monster. Of course, you were mad at her for what she did and for the situation she put you in but she also gave you a great gift, a baby. A baby that was quickly becoming the center of your universe. You didn’t give birth to him but he was yours. Despite all the current events, she was your friend at one point and the mother of your son, hearing her being spoken about so negatively still hurt you.

On days you weren’t in the courthouse, you spent it with a private investigator. You wanted to know if what Emma said about the baby’s father was true. And if it was, you felt it was only right for him to know. At first you were angry and didn’t want to let that deadbeat know about the baby but the more you thought about it the more it made sense. Emma never told him either out of fear or maybe because Yoongi was the first guy to make her contradict her value system. She always hated being wrong.

Emma may have done things her own way but with things she valued she thought things through. If she would have told him BigHit lawyers, Yoongi, the six boys, and the media would have been knocking on her door within days. She said she knew he wouldn’t love her the way she wanted too in the letter but the truth is he couldn’t, not with his career. His fans and the media were always waiting for him to mess up. As an ARMY, you understood why this baby would be such a scandal.

This was also a part of the reason why you didn’t want to tell Yoongi. You never wanted the baby to be just another headline on a sleazy tabloid. But, he was the father and had the right to know. He was an adult and could decide what he wanted to do. Besides if you kept the baby a secret you knew eventually it would blow up in your face. Besides, If you were going to raise him you needed to have an answer when he asked about his father one day.

And so, the process continued. During this time you devote yourself to the baby. The all nighters were rough but they helped you get your homework done. You kept going to school with the help of your family. However, you had to transfer back to the local college until the court case ended. You got your place, which was small but it was enough for you and the baby. You maintained a job in order to follow the rules set forth by the court. But every spare moment was for the baby. There were times when you thought you couldn’t do it anymore but then you would look at him and be reminded why you did it. Baby Ro, short for Baby Rose, as everyone called him, was your life. Things were so hectic and rushed you never officially got to name him. That day would come when the adoption went completely through.

Three months in you got a call.

“Ms. Y/N Y/L/N?”

“Yes?” You answered. You tried to listen to what the man was saying but you had Baby Ro in your arms crying of hunger. It was time yet again for another 4 am feeding.

“Is this a good time?”

“Umm yes, hold on.” You gently put Ro down and began to feed him his bottle. When he settled down you picked up the phone again.

“I’m so sorry. What can I help you with?” You said cordially.

“Yes, Ms. Y/L/N. I am a representative of the company BigHit Entertainment and one of my clients would like to have a meeting with you.”

In that moment your heart stopped. For some reason a deep fear began to climb to the back of your throat. It prevented you from breathing. Tears began to pool in your eyes.

“Umm...” you cleared your throat in order for your words to come out. “ I’m sorry. What is this concerning?”

“Well, I’m sorry Ms. Y/L/N but my client would like to speak to you in person. You live in Los Angeles, correct?” He said sharply.

“Y-yes I do.”

“Okay. Well my client lives here in Seoul, South Korea, but he was willing to fly out as soon as tomorrow morning to have a meeting with you, however there is a slight snag in the plan.” He said in a worried voice.

“Okay?”

“Ms. Y/L/N, my client is a celebrity so he can’t just walk around busy streets. We were wondering if you could hold the meeting on your home. For privacy purposes. Of course other staff and I will be present. Would that be okay?”

“Sir, I am well aware of who your client is. And I would be more than willing to meet with him in my home if it is necessary. However, I do have one condition.” You paused. “I will meet him alone. Later on I will have a meeting with all of you if I must but first I want to talk to him alone.” You said firmly.

He hesitated for a moment taken aback by your sudden change in behavior. You weren’t shy or nervous or scared anymore, now you were affirmative. “You see Ms. y/l/n... I-I don’t t-think-“

“No.”

“W-what?” He asked nervously.

“If my condition isn’t met then my answer is NO. I want to speak to him as a human being because this issue concerns another defenseless human being not some property. I don’t want to see checks or contracts. I want to see a pair of really eyes that hold emotion.”

He was silent for a few moments like he was asking someone around him what to do.

“O-okay, Ms. Y/L/N, we will do it your way. I will send you my information along with my client’s personal number so we can arrange the meeting, please do not share any of this information or we will be forced to press charges against you.” He said in a threatening voice.

“Very well. I’ll wait for your information.” You were about to hang up when you hear your name again.

“Ms. Y/L/N. Since we all know what this is about. Will the child be present at your meeting?” He asked hesitantly.

“If that is what your client wishes, then yes.” You answered firmly. In all honesty you were terrified. What if this man walked in and took Ro away? The fear was too immense but you knew this had to be done. Hopefully you could speak to his soul and not his stardom. Being a fan of BTS for a while you knew these boys were pure love, respect, and sunshine. However, you never know. It could all be an act for the camera. Your heart truly believed Yoongi was a good man that’s why you agreed to the meeting but the fear of “what if” was still there. Ro was your life you didn’t want to lose him especially not when you were so close to officially being his mother.

“Yes he wants to meet the child.”

“Ro”

“Excuse me?”

“We call him Ro. The people in his life call him baby Ro. If your client is going to meet him I want him to at least know what to call him.” You said coldly. Maybe if you seemed strong and cold they would be afraid to go against you.

“Very well. Yoon- I mean my client will want see baby Ro in a couple of days.”

“That’s fine. I’ll wait for you to contact me and I’ll send my information.”

“Thank you Ms. Y/L/N. We will be in contact. Goodbye” and he hung up. You put the phone down with shaky hands. Tears began to blur your vision as you look at your sleeping baby. Up until this point you saw him as only yours. But he wasn’t just yours...he was Yoongi’s son too. And Yoongi has the right to take him.

Now, it was a waiting game. BigHit eventually sent you information about the meeting. Of course, everything was very private with a lot of regulations but you understood. You would never wanted to do anything to endanger Ro, Yoongi, the rest of BTS, or BigHit. You just needed all this to be cleared up.

A few days later you received a message.

Unknown: I will be landing tonight. I’ll be at your home around 10 am.

You: Okay. Just please inform me when you are on your way.

He was cold and direct but you knew Min Yoongi, it was all a mask he put on to protect himself from hurt. Inside he was a sweet shy human being like the rest of us. He too felt pain and anger and happiness and love. You hope the sweet shy boy you’ve seen is the one you will meet tomorrow. This was life changing for him, you knew the feeling all to well. Tomorrow you would have to be firm about what you want but also consider how hard this is for him too.

This is my first Fanfic and I will try to update once a week. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy. It gets dramatic fair warning ;).

#bts suga #baby drama #min yoongi #soft yoongi #bts #bts v #bts jimin #bts jhope #bts jungguk #bts namjoon #bts angst #bts fluff #bts smut #cute #romance #fanfic

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ottergf · 6 years

Note

1-20 for the lesbian asks

ty aubren ilysm!!!!!!

1.Femme or butch?

neither!!

2. Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

i dont really have a type tbh?? though i guess i find myself more attracted to girls big personalities and who are easy conversationalists/make an effort to keep up the conversation

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

god both..... lmao for style i like leather jackets but for comfort the plaid....

4. Describe your style

i wear really any combination of leggings/jeans with a tshirt and a jacket

5. Describe your aesthetic

early summer vibes, driving down an empty highway at night w the windows down, impromptu dance parties with friends

6. Favorite article of clothing?

my red leather jacket but its falling apart and idk where to get another one for cheap CRY

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

i had these really cute navy blue ankle boots w floral embroidery but I CANT FIND THEM im so mad

8. Current haircut?

just like... shoulder length brown hair lmao

9. Any haircut goals for the future?

for a while i wanted to work up the nerve to shave my head lol but after i got a side shave a few years back and saw how much of a pain in the ass it was to grow it out i dont think i will

10. Describe the best date you’ve been on

tbh my rabb.it dates with lj are so much fun i love flirting and watching movies in the comfort of my own home skfhdghs

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

dkjfgljh i went on this one date in the beginning of the school year and it was so awkward bc i had to carry the whole damn conversation bc she wouldnt say ANYTHING she just like stared at me and it was really uncomfortable and when ppl dont do their part to carry a convo thats like... a huge pet peeve for me lmao

12. Single? Taken?

taken!!!!

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

lj is the sweetest, most caring person i’ve ever known. shes so easy to talk to and laugh with and i seriously think we could talk for hours and hours on end like when we do our phone calls minutes and hours go by so quickly lol. shes honest and tough and capable even tho i dont think she gives herself enough credit for what she puts up with and shes so fucking smart she amazes me every single day

14. If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

not single! ;)

15. Describe your dream wedding

i want a rly small wedding tbh, but i know realistically small weddings are hard to do lmao. really my only requirement for what i want our wedding to look like is 1) for it to be outside and 2) i get most of the say in flower arrangements lmao (my dream is to like... make all the flower arrangements myself but i know i wont have time for that pfft)

16. Do you want kids?

ok ill be 100% honest the idea of having kids rn or in the next like... 5-10 ish years scares me to no end but i absolutely want to adopt or become a foster parent sometime in the future

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

ive always had big dreams of living in a mountain range and the adirondacks or the smokey mountains are goddamn beautiful... but i also know i would def tire of that isolation lol so tbh id probably thrive best living in a spacious area but within like an hours drive from a big city??? who knows theres so many fantasies about this q that ive got goin on in my head lmao

18. Favorite lesbian movie?

i just watched princess cyd recently and i love it a lot!!! but ill also always have such a soft spot in my heart for but im a cheerleader god....

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

i dont really read romance novels lol, and its so hard to find books w lesbians where romance is not the main plot of the novel so :/// ive heard good things abt Ash but im still tryna get my hands on it!!!

20. Favorite lesbian song?

yall know im a hayley kiyoko bitch..... the video for girls like girls still wrenches my heart every time

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bolbianddolanhouse · 4 years

Text

BNHA self insert AU [Book 3]

New? Read here! Then here!

Chapter 1: *Attention By Joji*

“Deep breath in” hold for 10 seconds “and breathe out.” I do these every morning until I’m mentally ready to face my day. OH! Where are my manners? Hi! My name is Iwata El Roca Iida... yeah, my mom thought it was hilarious to call me Rock the Rock but in two languages. If only my dad knew enough Spanish back then! But enough about them! I’m about to turn 15 in a few weeks and it’s Saturday, you know what that means! Yup, today I lock myself in my room and practice for my upcoming auditions at school. But I’ve just woken up, so to the kitchen I go to interact with everyone else over breakfast.

“Buenos dias!” I announced myself in.

“Buenos dias mijo!” That’s my mom! Everyone says she’s a queen but I see her as an Empress. All powerful, beautiful and kind.

“Good morning Iwata!” That’s my dad, Pro hero Ingenium. But here, he’s a house husband that cooks weekend breakfast. I don’t know what my mom sees in him.

“Oh is that Iwee? Good Morning!” That voice coming from my mom’s phone is my older sister Lili Perla. She’s at UA in the dorms, so she’s not here to join in on morning chaos but she video calls on the weekends. Don’t tell anyone but she’s my favorite sibling!

Right as I sat down at my usual spot at the breakfast nook, in came the other two screaming at each other.

“DADDY! Tensei keeps using my hair brush!”

“Why would use your brush?! My hair is too short to brush pendeja!”

Those two are my younger siblings, Tensei Oro and Hanaka Rosa. If you didn’t guess, they’re twins and they couldn’t be anymore different! Tensei is a punk as bitch with a high IQ and Hanaka is a hot headed brat with over powered quirks. At least I don’t have to worry about fire sneezes in the middle of the night, but Tensei does mumble sing in his sleep and that’s a pain when I have an early day the next day.

“Can we go one breakfast without you two screaming over something?” Lili sighed.

“What makes you think Tensei used your brush Hanaka?” Dad asked as he poured me coffee “and what did I say about provoking your sister Tensei?”

Tensei crossed his arms “Don’t play with fire unless you wish to get burned” he furrowed his brow “But it wasn’t me this time!”

“Who else has short blue hair?!” responded Hanaka, smoothing over her hair.

“Wait, was the brush you saw a wood paddled brush?” I asked after my first sip of coffee.

“Yeah why?”

“Aren’t your hair styling tools made of metal?”

Hanaka paused to think, looking like the pinwheel was spinning in her head.

“What smells like burning?” mom said, sniffing the air.

“Nothing!” Hanaka screamed “I uhhhh HAVE CHORRO!” she turned and ran back to the bathroom.

“She set the brush on fire” Tensei sighed as he sat at his spot.

“I still don’t know why you keep buying those wood brushes mom!” Lili commented “Especially with Rosa that tends to set things on fire.”

“They come free after a 10,000 yen purchase at the organic body store!” mom exaggerated “I might be well off, but I’m not gonna deny a freebie! Only bitches that didn’t grow up poor deny free stuff.”

“I do like their freebies” I say as dad hands me my plate “can you pass me the Valentina please?”

“Oh! It almost slipped my mind, Iwa” my mom got wide eyed remembering something “When is your audition? My schedule is changing a bit so I have to request it off.”

“It’s in two weeks exactly” I respond “But you don’t have to take the day off if it’s of inconvenience, I can get a ride from someone else.”

“Nope! I want to drive you to your marching band audition” Mom gushed “back in my day, I lived behind the school I did marching band at and the auditions for drum major were thrilling! I want to see my baby boy give his all for leadership.”

After breakfast, I went back to my room to work on the music part of my audition. It’s my second year of middle school and I’m known as a musical prodigy! Ever since I was little, I was just naturally a-tuned to rhythms and tonality. Mom taught me all she knew about music and told me all her stories about her auditions and other music class ventures. That’s how I bonded with her...well, that and we look so much alike! Same medium tan skin, black curly hair, dark brown eyes, lip shape and stature. Everyone does a double take when we’re seen together, it’s kinda funny. Also just like her, I was blessed with two quirks... Engine and Telekinesis. Having my dad’s quirk is cool and all but the piston on the middle of my palm is kind of a drag. I mastered retracting them so they don’t protrude when doing anything with my arms and hands...giving high fives is unpleasant though. I’ve learned to love my body and being mindful of my mental health, and in turn it aided in controlling my telekinesis. Long tragic back story short, I activated the telekinesis quirk when I saw my mom in a vulnerable position against a home intruder at the age of 4. Scary times, BUT my mom helped me through it. I wish I was as kind and put together as her, then I’d do so many amazing things! But I’m just banging out this jazz piece on the saxophone... for now.

-Monday, on the way to school-

“Hey mom, do you think it’s too soon to start scoping for high schools?” I asked.

“Hmm, I don’t think it is” she responded “Why? Did a school catch your interest recently?”

“I was just wondering. I want to get a leg up on the entrance exams and auditions” I looked out the window.

“You saying that reminds me so much of your dad!” she gushed “He was always the man with a plan, detailed schedules and order with a stiff arm!” she mocked my dad’s iconic arm chops “But in a fight, his strategy is garbage! But ya sabes that I reign supreme, always 10 steps ahead of the enemy.”

“That’s right! You met dad in UA” I beamed as I turned “How did you apply to UA? Was it hard since you were an American student?”

“I-uhhh well, I can say that it was quite a process” she stammered “Oh but you don’t need to worry about getting into a hero school! You don’t need to follow in your parent’s footsteps- Oop, we’re here.”

“We are? Oop!” I check the time, it’s 20 minutes until class starts “Okay, uhhh I have practice today, so I’ll be home a little later.”

“Okay, Have a good day Iwata!”

I waved her off then scurried into campus. I’m not popular by any means, but sometimes I get the attention of some girls and my fellow band mates. I’m just chill and funny with no rivals, outta my face with that cringe!

“Iwa! What took so long?” that’s my best friend Beizu Hatsune! We were raised together and never grew apart, so you could say we’re pretty close.

I chuckled as I opened my shoe locker “Forgive me Bei, my hair was not cooperating today!”

“But do you have the goods?”

I opened my duffle bag “As promised, alarm clock innards from the one Hanaka set on fire.”

“Sweet! Thanks Iwa” Beizu lit up like a light “Can’t wait to finish up my masterpiece in woodshop today!”

“In woodshop?”

“Yup! I’ve been working on an automated jar opener” he explained “My mom taught me how to do the arm rigging so the jar doesn’t shatter!”

“...made of wood?”

Beizu sighed “Yes, made of wood...BUT! I will finally have a project impressive enough to earn my independent workshop pass for the rest of the school year.”

“Ganbaru then Bei” I said as I put on my shoes and closed my locker “I’ll see you at lunch.”

Now before you go off on me and ship me with my best friend....ewww, who do you take me for? My parents?! I trust and love Beizu AS A BROTHER! Not once did I think about kissing him or crossing the line. I really don’t want to repeat my parent’s love story, to be honest, I don’t know what my mom sees in my dad! He’s a lovesick doofus for my mom and she’s very snarky with him. My sisters think it’s couple goals but I think my mom could do better. But that’s not to say that I’m unlucky in love, I’ve gotten my fair share of confessions and chocolates...but I don’t have an interest in the people that ask. Maybe I should lower my standards? But I have all of my youth to figure that out! For now, I’m Iwata the band kid!

What can I really say about my best friend? He’s really smart and creative, he’s a naturally pink haired. He’s stood up for me when I had really bad body dysmorphia because of my engines. And I’ve comforted him when his creations fail. Our mom’s work together and known each other since the UA days. I don’t know a life without him but I’m glad he’s my best friend.

-Day of audition-

I’m not sure if I did good enough. My self esteem went in the toilet when I saw the other students auditioning. Now I wait for the postings but I don’t have my hopes up.

“What’s the matter mijo?” asked my mom as she sat next to me on the brick steps.

“I’m not feeling too confident in my audition” I sighed “I knew I should’ve audition with piano!”

“Hey! None of that!” she snapped to get my attention “You did amazing, your speech was well versed and you didn’t stumble on your words! And that tower toss while on the parade march was flawless!” she smiled as she put her hands on the sides of my face “No matter what, you’ll bounce back and I’ll still love you.”

“Okay mom” I gave a weak smile “I guess I have to wait and see.”

Sopresa puta, I got the part! I was mentally settling to be the assistant role or be a section leader. But my mom and I gave the most guttural screeching when my name was up there, everyone was getting uncomfortable! I’m not a sore winner, I congratulated everyone who got a position and encouragement for the others. My dad says only villains don’t give encouragement to their fellow competitor....Why do I have a weird feeling that this is the rising action in my life story?

Fast forward to May 7th...

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! Mis Quince Años as mom says. I’m not a very lavish person, just a small party with my family and Beizu. But of course it lands on a frickin Thursday! Out of all the days, Thursday is the weirdest day to have a birthday party.

“What did you ask your parents to make you for your birthday dinner?” asked Beizu as we walked to the front of the school to get picked up by his mom to take us to my house.

“I asked for sashimi but who knows what kind of spectacle my parents made of it!” I chuckled.

“Ooh! What if it’s boat style?!”

“I wouldn’t rule it out! Maybe they got the family sushi chef to prepare everything fresh” I pondered out loud.

“You have a family sushi chef?”

“On my dad’s side, they have all sorts of family...servants? Is that the right word?” I rub my temples “point is! If you want something done, they know a guy that’s been serving my family for generations.”

“Must be nice” teased Beizu as his mom’s car pulled up.

“Shut your up!” I teased back “You know how I feel about my dad’s side.”

“Hello boys! And very Happy Birthday to you Iwata!” chimed Beizu’s mom.

“Thank you!” I gave a polite smile.

“Oh mom, did you-”

“It’s in the trunk” his mom was quick to respond “Now lets get a move on to the party!”

We get to the house and all the usual suspects were there already. Mom, dad, uncle Jin, aunty Mimi, Nikita, the twins, Lili and her (not yet boy-)friend and uncle Tensei. What makes me not that thrilled to see is Hanaka’s cat and bird friend and Tensei’s metal friend with the sharp ass teeth. I don’t know why the fuck they got these weird ass friends but they grew up with them too.

“Happy birthday to my favorite nephew!” uncle Tensei said as he rolled towards me.

“Tio! Your embarrassing me” I turn red “thanks though.”

“I got you that big gift over there” he pointed behind him and there was 4 really big gift wrapped gifts, but I knew which one was his.

“I can tell! You wrapped it yourself” I roasted “tire-marks and all!”

He did a double take and nervously laughed “Oh right?! Hahaha” he turned to his robo “Pongo, reposition my gift to show less tire marks please?”

“That is the side with the least amount of tire marks” the spotted robo replied.

Beizu and I couldn’t contain our laughter. We were wheezing our way through everyone to get to my room. Every birthday, we sleep over at each other’s house. Those are my favorite birthday memories! He tosses his things at the foot of my bed and we run back down to eat with everyone else. The sashimi was catered from this place in Shibuya my mom frequents. But the cake was one of my mom’s creations, and she really out did it this year with the four layers and piping. One out of tune happy birthday song later, I got to open my gifts! I really loved the gifts my siblings gave me: Lili made me a sweater, Hanaka got me new novelty socks and Tensei got me a book of Post-Moderism Poetry. Uncle Tensei’s gift was a trampoline...I will say that it was better than buying me stock he gave me last year. Everyone else got me gift cards or clothes. Like I said, I’m a simple lad. I’m happy sipping some black coffee in a knitted sweater, no pants and fuzzy socks in a pillow fort. Beizu and I dash up to my room the moment everyone left.

“Here, open my gift!” Beizu tossed me my gift

“It’s big!” I grunted as I barely caught it. I opened it and gasped “You got me that memory body pillow?!”

“Yup, I know you had your eye on it for a while” Beizu beamed “I didn’t want you to open it with the others in case others judged too quickly.”

“I love it! Thank you Bei” I put the pillow on my bed and climbed on “get up here! Lets read the love letters I got today.”

“...pfft! Look at this one! She called your hair a bouquet of black roses!” Beizu chortled “Seriously, like, these are all from the girls that bug us at lunch.”

“They had the decency to also give sweets with their notes” I say as I open a package of Pocky “Want some?”

“Sure...hey, uhhh question.”

“Yes?” I respond, about to shove half of the chocolate sticks in my mouth.

“Have you considered were you’re gonna go to high school?”

I stopped myself from putting all that Pocky in my mouth “Not yet, have you?”

“Yea actually, my number one choice is UA.”

The jazz music in my head stops “UA? Why?”

“Well, my mom went there and I found out my dad was a sidekick for the number 4 hero at his time before working for your mom” he sighed “I kinda feel like I’m meant to go down that path, maybe not support or hero work per say. It’s like your family in a way! Your dad’s a pro hero, mom is an agent and Lili is pursuing hero work. You can’t tell me that doesn’t steer you toward that path?!”

“I don’t know if I should” I said in low voice “I know I can get in UA without taking any tests, but am I really worthy of being in heroics or intelligence like my parents? I mean, my mom was a genius! Look what she did with all that big brain energy! My dad has leadership skills, everyone on that side of the family are natural born leaders and very orderly.” I throw my hands up “Lili honed her skills by dancing since she was old enough to walk on her own! I could barely control my telekinesis and my legs can’t keep up with the kick my arm engines give... I’ll be the family fool if I try.”

“Don’t say that Iwa!” Beizu eyes widen, he got an idea “Lets train together!”

“Huh? Train?”

“Yeah! Just like how our parents did” He slapped his hands onto my shoulders and started shaking me “I’m not that great either but I want to hone my skills. Let’s get strong together!”

“Okay okay! Will you cool it with the shaking?!” I pleaded as I felt like I was going to be sick “We’ll start training....uhhhhh next week? I kinda have a thing this week.”

“Oh that’s this week?!” Beizu gasped “Dang, I keep forgetting its Thursday.”

I throw a pillow at him “Yeah, and we’re spending it not building our fortress!” I floated everything that wasn’t a blanket or pillow off the bed “Let make this one stable enough to last through the night this time!”

We spent our night building a pillow fort to top the one we made last month for his birthday. I couldn’t sleep much that night, what Beizu said really made me think about my future. For whatever reason, I feel like I was meant to do something bigger than myself or my family. But what is it?! Pursuing music will lead me into another fork in the road, fame or education? That’s all I know I’m good at! So maybe going into my parent’s footsteps wouldn’t be that bad....right?

Time passes, but to recap in that time in one go: Lili lost her memories, Lili regained those memories, Lili and Hoshi are dating (finally!), I accidentally peed my pants when I jumped too high on the trampoline, Beizu started an accidental fire in wood-shop, the twins had their birthday and one of Tensei’s friends ruined it, I got appointed officially as the Drum Major at school, and lastly (but not least) Beizu and I started to work out our bodies into shape.

So it’s September, or as I call it, SWEATER SEASON! I hate the cold. You can catch me in big, knit sweaters and Ugg boots that I took from my mom’s closet around this season. This time is was different, I was doing running and other endurance exercises when I’m usually loafing in my room.

“How was your run?” my dad asked as I panted heavily in the hallway “it’s pretty overcast for you to be outside without a sweater.”

I wheezed out “It’s all good! I need to build up a tolerance.”

“You want a tea? Or protein shake?”

“I’ll take a protein shake” I said as I followed my dad into the kitchen. I sat at my usual spot at the counter, watching him make the shake.

“You know you don’t need to hide it Iwata” Dad said as he poured the blended contents into a glass “I know you’re training for hero school.”

“WHAT! NO! Being drum major is hard work and I just want to be able to lead everyone without getting exhausted in the first leg of things!”

He looked at my body language “You’re doing the arm chops” he put the glass in front of me “You do that when you’ve been caught.”

“Oh” I look at my arms, then at the glass in front of me “Yeah...I am.”

“Why, if you don’t mind me asking? You didn’t seem interested in those things.”

“I know, it’s just that” a sigh escaped my mouth before I dropped my arms “I feel like it’s not a bad thing to get into, to be honest I only did music is because it’s the first thing I was good at as a child and I honed it.” I grabbed the glass “I don’t want my future to be just a musician, I want to contribute to society because I feel like that’s something I was meant to do.”

“Well son, I’m proud of you for seeking your purpose” he sighed “But I don’t know what your mother is going to say.”

I stopped drinking the shake “Mom? What do you mean?”

“Well- she’s still shaken up from what’s been happening to Lili. Plus with your telekinesis still being unstable at times” Dad glances at the family photo hanging in the dining room “You’re not like your mother at your age, she was raised to fight to survive. She raised you to live a life without having to needlessly fight.”

“What should I do then?”

He looked at me “Hate to say it, but you need to ask her to train you in order to prove yourself stable enough to go” he fixed his glasses “This is her territory, wish I understood what it takes to be a telekinesis user.”

I looked down at my half finished shake “...How was mom, when she attended UA?”

“She was extremely skilled! Nobody could beat her and she’d demolish anybody that she went up against-”

“Yeah I know all that” I interrupted “I meant, how was she as a person? Did she seem stable?”

Dad paused to think “She was polite, kept to herself, unpredictable and was an overachiever. But all of that was to mask the fact that she was alone and didn’t want to be there” his tone got serious “Everyday, she’d pray to be back home in America. Pray to stop the fighting because she was tired, at times, I’d catch her crying somewhere. So much stress and strain from surviving her time here took a toll on her mental health that she’d be unstable.”

“So did she get help?”

“Not until she started college, and she still struggles with it” Dad leaned on the counter “But I believe in you to change her mind about letting you go to hero school. She’s given you all the resources to better yourself...show her that you’re capable.”

I down my shake “OKAY! I’ll do it-” my burp cuts in “thanks dad!”

And so started my determination to convince my mom to train me! Only thing is that it’s a little hard to have one on one time with her because now I’m busy with band stuff going into my 3rd year and my mom and her two jobs... oh jeez, I see what dad means by overachieving! That woman has two jobs, TWO! She didn’t even have to have one of them, she appointed herself as CEO of a company! Then again, who asked me to audition for drum major?! Maybe my mom and I are more alike that previously perceived?

-November 24th, technically Thanksgiving-

“I’m so proud of you mijo!” Mom cried out as she drove us home “first parade competition as the drum major and you got Excellent across the board!”

Still sweaty in the backseat of the car, I respond “Thanks mom, I really thought that private school was going to snuff me out of the judges minds.” I take a deep breath “Sooo, uhhhhh I thought of my first choice for high school.”

“Oh? That’s great news! It is nearly the end of this school year” she turned toward the street near home “Who’s got your interest?”

“I was thinking UA” I held my breath, expecting the worst...but nothing happened, in fact, she didn’t respond “Mom?”

Silence until we got to the house. Her face seemed catatonic but was functioning fine. She didn’t talk when she entered the house and just went straight to her office and locked the door.

“Oye, what happened?” asked Tensei “Mom didn’t look like herself.”

“I just said that I want to go to UA then she got quiet” I panicked “I’m scared, what if I broke her?!”

“Maybe she can’t find the right words to say?” he suggested “Or wants to wait for dad to come home to tell him? She let Lili go, I don’t see why she wouldn’t let you.”

My dad’s words ran through my head. I just hope it’s just because she wanted to think about it. Come dinner time and not a mention of it, like she just brushed it off. Honestly, it was making my blood boil that she’d do that. So I confronted her when Hanaka and Tensei ran up to their rooms.

“So what, you’re just going to pretend like you didn’t just hear what I said in the car?!” I slammed my hands on the table.

“Iwata, what has gotten into you!” Dad scolded me “Don’t yell at your mother like that!”

“SHUT UP! I’m talking to her!” I barked back, then turned my attention back to my mom “Mom, please answer me.”

She didn’t flinch at all. She wiped her mouth and stood up “Iwata, don’t fight with me. You won’t last a day in the academy with how unstable your telekinesis is” I’ve never seen her so firm “I’ve fought and honed my skills everyday since my quirks manifested, it was a life of struggle and my body constantly beaten but unable to quit. You don’t want that!”

“But I want to go in the academy! This is different, please just-”

“I said NO Iwata” she snapped at me “END of discussion!”

She started to walk toward the stairs, then I blurted “You know what, you don’t boss me around! This is something I want to do, out of my own free will because I’m trying to find my purpose in life” I pant “And it’s calling me to go down this path. You might not have had a choice, but I do and I choose to go to UA. I want to able to protect my family and not be a nuisance, to be the perfect son.”

That last part stopped her in her tracks. Still facing away from me, she responds “Okay then, but you need to prove to me that you have the drive to learn” she takes a staggering breath “I’ll train you, we start when you get out for winter break. And don’t think I’ll go easy on you because you’re my son!”

Before I could thank her, she teleports away.

“Wow, I’ve never seen her like this” Dad spoke “And I’ve never seen you like this either.”

“I just acted on impulse, I don’t like being ignored” I admitted “What should I expect from her training?”

“The unexpected, a lot of mind games and full contact sparring” Dad chuckled as he picked up the dishes “I trained with her when I moved in with her and let me tell you! I don’t know where she finds the energy to do all that and still want to do couple things. Had to stop training with her because I kept going to work fatigued.”

That made my stomach drop to my ass...oof what have I done!

-Book 3 Chapter 1, End-

Next>

#bnha #mha #self insert au #book 3 chapter 1 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything #//Palma-sama Speaks #Iwata is a self aware character just like their mom! This leg of the AU is going to fill in the gaps that were touched on the other books #I'm very excited to show yall this book because of all the reveals and the hidden over arching plot #Also... did you see Tenya basically tell Iwata to rebel against his mom. The character development is *chefs kiss*

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kristinracine34-blog · 7 years

Text

atk hairy models - Best 5 Tips For Vagina Pics Hairy

As porn work goes, it was incredibly low maintenance. Guys go to the website, pick you out of a lineup, and instant message with you a little bit. When they decide they want to fork over $3 a minute, they click the "Pay Now" button and take you to a private chat room, where you can do whatever you want. I spoke into furry pocket pussy a microphone and never heard their voices. I got half of the money for each minute, and grew quite adept at stripping slowly. It works like this: you have a webcam. In case you have just about any inquiries regarding wherever along with the way to employ atk hairy nude pussy pics (you could try here), you possibly can call us with our own web site. I signed up with a third-party website to be a cam model. I'd wave at him over the top of the camera, while showing close-ups of my ass cheeks to some unseen guy jerking it in his darkened office. The guys mostly just wanted straightforward tits and ass; I learned how to pull my pussy lips open, how to use camera tricks so it looked like I young atk natural and hairy hairy pussy was really having fun. Sometimes I got strange requests: put a can of hairspray in your pussy. Jason walked back and forth through the house as I worked on the living-room sofa. Screen name: THEPROFESSOR. " His repartee was witty, and his vocabulary was huge. All the other guys sounded like panting idiots hoping to trick me into a free show, begging me to shove things in my ass or dramatically fellate a dildo. He showed up one day and immediately made me laugh — really laugh, not the fake "tee hee" that actually meant "Just click the button, asshole, time is money. How old are you really? I didn't have to shave my legs or wear high heels, or even put on lipstick; I didn't have to actually touch or talk to any of the guys who were watching me take my clothes off. Make them think they have a chance with you. One guy wanted me to pee in a cup and pour it on my chest. It was a steady paycheck, and these gullible souls all believed I was twenty-two years old and my name was Samantha. He hoarded the information I gave him; he was always careful never to say anything where the other guys could see. But I don't think he knew what to do with me. We just talked for a while, at $3 a minute. It was only a few messages before he said, "You're not 22. " I tried to pass it off, as I'd learned to do with private questions — keep them on the hook, believing the fantasy, and you make more money. The Professor enjoyed being the smart one, the one who knew the truth behind the facade, who I really was. By then, I knew him a little bit, and liked him. He said he just wanted to watch me get off. I said no to anything I didn't want to do. He wanted to see me enjoying myself, instead of simulating bad porn. I started getting to know him. I asked him what he wanted to see. One day, he finally clicked "Pay Now" and took me to a private room. I found out he was a real professor — he taught at a small liberal-arts college, which is why he was online all day, grading papers. But he wanted to know, really, so I told him how old I was, what I liked to read, that I wasn't actually in university anymore. So I did, and for once, I wasn't faking it. He wanted to see my face when I came. Finally, I told him one day that I couldn't keep taking his money. NEXT: "He'd say something that would have me biting my lip while I worked, so the guy on the other end wouldn't see me cracking up for no apparent reason…" Then we started emailing back and forth, long, gloriously in-depth emails of feelings and thoughts and background and history. He'd moved to the mainland, met his first wife, had a child, divorced, met his second wife, bought a house, and had a second child… whose name, coincidentally, was the same as mine. I found out he was occasionally cranky, often bitter, but always receptive to banter. He told me about his early twenties doing dangerous and illegal things on the beaches of Hawaii. He read a lot, loved music of all kinds, and got every reference I threw at him. I told him how hairy nude pussy pics much I hated living in Los Angeles, the failures of my relationship with Jason. The pattern continued: he'd come in almost every day and message me hairypussy girls for hours, throwing out comments about the other guys that they couldn't see, sometimes taking me to a private room when he could afford it. Rainier, about his weekend boat trips in altered states with his friends. I mentioned Jason, which, since I pretended to be single online, was another slice of my real self. He mentioned children, in passing. I pressed him for details on his attempts to climb Mt. We began texting each other, slowly at first and then ramping up to dozens of messages a day. I gave him my phone number. What are you making for dinner? I started to keep my personal IM client open while I showed strangers my body, and he chatted with me the whole time, making comments about the little snippets I told him. He gave me a nickname in German, and asked about my mom. I knew he was married, that his wife didn't know about his forays onto webcam pornography sites. I wrote him a long email from my personal email account, the real one, told him my real name, and said I couldn't keep our interactions financial. He worried about what I ate, and suggested books I might like. We video chatted a couple of times; I saw his wry smile, his messy office. "This guy wants me to spray whipped cream in my ass," I'd type, and he'd say something back that would have me biting my lip while I worked, so the guy on the other end wouldn't see me cracking up for no apparent reason. He'd say something that would have me biting my lip while I worked, so the guy on the other end wouldn't see me cracking up for no apparent reason. He was shaggily attractive, disheveled, with a concentrated, thoughtful face and mop of brown hair, a college professor from Central Casting. He groaned as he showed me his cock and I licked my lips, imagining it inside me. I wanted to fuck him, too. We said we loved each other, finally. He wanted to listen to little stories about my day, and he wanted to fuck me. But Arthur was my friend. But I still took my clothes off for him, watched him stroke himself as he listened to me whisper what I wanted to do to him. It became a bit tortured, as he realized he couldn't have both me and his wife. It's sometimes said, with some truth, that nobody has friends in Los Angeles – there are only people you know, and people who want you to do something for them. Neither of us had believed you could build love only online, without ever meeting, and yet, here we were. We feverishly talked about meeting, me flying to his town to couchsurf and sneak to his office during the day, so we could finally touch each other's skin. Everything was laced with sadness and the forbidden. He told me his wife had been offered a job in Europe; it would mean losing contact with his child and probably hamstringing his own career. He said I did the same for him, and that he would love me forever. Just as they made the decision that they would move to Europe, his wife found out about me. Day by day, piece by piece, I picked up my broken heart and tried to move on. I wanted to write him every day, message after message with the same thing: do you think of me? But he sustained me, a light in the seedy darkness. He sent me an email telling me briefly what happened and that we had to sever all contact with each other. We started to grow apart a little bit — it was hard to keep up the stream of constant communication with the different time zone. Years of silence later, I got a message from him on Facebook, presumably the only means of contact unmonitored by his wife. I even give free passes to people who reminded me of THEPROFESSOR. " By that time, I still do cam shows, but I'm using my own domain and I choose who I let in. Right now, im STILL waiting. com submitted by olgakatysheva [link] [1 comment] I wanted selfish proof that I was memorable, adored. The lines of communication fell completely silent. He wrote that although he wanted nothing more than to hear from me one last time, it was for the best if I said nothing. It was only one word: "Still. 1veronikastarr8@gmail. I wanted to say his name.

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alidaalana-blog · 5 years

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Right Through Me - 1

Brrrrrring! Brrrrrring!

I looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was 3:15 in the morning and my phone was going off! My heart stopped beating as soon as I saw the number glowing at me from my cell’s LCD screen: Jayel (James Lee) Lawson.

He needs me, I can feel it. I hit ignore, pushed my phone under my pillow and rolled over. I was honoring the vow I made months ago not to fall into that trap again.

I closed my eyes and fought every fiber of my being that wanted to call him back. At this time of night, there’s no telling what could be wrong or what kind of trouble he got himself into. The part of me that has always loved him was beginning to panic with worry, she was fighting against the part of me that was stubborn and had a point to prove: Fuck that nigga. He was the one that pushed me out of his life.

In just a matter of seconds, I was forgetting to breathe. My blood was rushing. Or was it my adrenaline? Whatever the case, something about thinking Jayel was in trouble always filled my body with anxiety, knowing that he was capable of doing anything under the wrong circumstances. This time was no different.

Just keep your eyes closed Clark and go back to sleep, I begged myself. He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself.

My phone vibrated one time under my pillow as a text message came through.

Jayel (James Lee): Don’t ignore me, Clark. I need to talk to you right now. I’m home. Please come over.

Oh boy. He knew I would go if he asked. It’s our dysfunctional pattern. We hurt each other, breakaway, then one of us comes crawling back when someone else has hurt us more. If I had a shrink she would advise against going over there at the crack of dawn just because he asked me to. But I never had a shrink and sure enough, my legs were moving before I could protest or even stage a good defense. Once again, I was putting my pride, and possibly my mental health, aside to tend to my friend.

All I had on was a wife-beater and my underwear. I quickly threw on the skinny jeans I wore earlier and a zip-up hoodie then pushed my feet into some loafers. I washed my face and pulled a beanie down over the top of my head, letting my hair flow out from underneath. I looked in the mirror one last time and shook my head, what I was walking into was going to be ten times harder to walk out of.

In less than twenty minutes I was using the emergency key Jayel gave me to let myself into his apartment. There was no way I was going to ring anyone’s doorbell and wait outside at four in the morning. He was sitting on the sofa in the living room when I walked in. The glass of brown liquid in his hand almost tilted over when he saw me.

He gave me a pained smile. “You came,” he slurred out. “You never let me down, Clark.”

“Oh yeah?” Well, this was the complete opposite of how our last conversation went. I believe the word he used to describe me then was ‘selfish’. “Can I get that in writing?” I half-way joked.

Normally he would laugh, chuckle, or at least give me a grin then comment on my smart mouth. None of the above happened. This was unlike him. This was serious.

“What’s wrong James Lee?” I was the only one he allowed to call him by his real government. He hated his name so much, in high school he made everyone call him JL, which eventually turned into Jayel. But I still love to say James Lee every now and then to remind him that he’s talking to me, the person that has nursed his heart and his wounds more times than a lil bit. I sat next to him on the sofa and took the glass from his hand. I smelled the Jack Daniels before it reached my lips and took a sip, letting a swallow of whiskey roll down my throat. My face frowned as the Jack turned from a liquid to fire somewhere between my throat and chest.

“I caught her cheating. I saw her.” He said.

“Who?” I was unaware he was even in a relationship. But I’m not surprised, Jayel can’t be alone for one second.

“Jessa.”

“Oh,” his other ex. I turned away from him and rolled my eyes. When we last spoke they were no longer together. Now we were going back down this familiar road once again. I’m so tired of this bitch. And I’m over Jayel giving her the benefit of the doubt. It’s not the first time she’s cheated at all. But for some reason, Jayel just can’t let her go. “Where did you see her? When?” I asked even though I really didn’t care. The story is always the same. The names and places may be different but it always boils down to Jessa being as trifling as she wants to be. But I did care about Jayel and I knew he wanted to vent.

“At her apartment. I came home a little early and saw this dude’s car parked outside. I used my key and walked inside like normal. Thinking maybe I was wrong. Maybe someone else has the same shit green hatch-back. They didn’t even hear me. Clark,” he clapped his claps together, Hard. “I swear by the time I made it to the living room I could hear them fucking.”

“Get the fuck outta here!” This bitch has balls.

“Fucking! In my muthafuckin bed!”

Jayel took the glass back from me and emptied the rest of its contents in one swallow. He reached for the bottle sitting on the table, but I got to it first and placed it behind the arm of the sofa, way out of his reach. I needed him to focus, “What else happened?” Knowing this hot-headed boi, it couldn’t have ended there.

He smirked, “I cracked his head open.”

My hand went over my mouth in shock, but Jayel said it like he was discussing the weather. “You did not!”

“They were on their way to the hospital when I left.”

He was serious. My mouth was hanging open, “What do you mean they? She went with him?”

“Yep.”

“But that’s your girl? You were back together, right?” I was confused by the whole fucking thing already.

“And she left with another nigga.” He looked at me,” Shit was unreal.”

“Jayel, I’m so sorry, but you gotta stop doing this. You gotta stop going back to her.”I felt sorry for this poor fool. I gave him back his Jack.

“I know.” He nodded and refilled his glass and looked up at me. “Still mad at me?”

My eyebrow arched, of course I was still mad. I didn’t forget shit. But I didn’t want to get into our issues right now. That’s not why I came. “I’m here right?”

“That doesn’t mean anything. I know you’re still mad.”

“Then why’d you ask?”

“To hear you say it.”

“Ugggh,” I was in no mood to play these games with him. “Do you know what time it is? I’m not doing this with you. You want to know how I feel? The same way you would have felt if I didn’t show up tonight. Disappointed. Broken. Fucked up. I don’t know. Your friends are supposed to be there for you, not push you away.” Jayel opened a can of worms and I was finding it difficult to stuff them back in.

“That’s what we are, huh? Friends?”

“I’m not doing this,” I stood up and shook my head at him. “With your drunk ass.”

“I’m sorry Clark.”

“For?”

“Letting her come between us.”

“Again.”

“Again. But in all fairness, you made her insecure. What was I supposed to do?”

“Me? How? You know what, don’t answer that. My fault. With you it’s always my fault. I’m sure her fucking someone else is somehow my fault too.” I swear Jayel can rile me up like no one else. He can send me from zero to sixty in three seconds flat.

He ignored my growing attitude and continued, “She says I never stopped loving you.”

This wasn’t a confession. It’s understood that we have feelings for each other. Our friends tease us about it every chance they get. But I never tried to come between him and Jessa. Not once.

“And she knows we use to hook up between relationships and shit.”

“You told her that?”

Jayel is a terrible drunk obviously. He just rambles, mostly telling truths he would normally try to hide. If Jessa was smart enough to ever figure out that two shots were all she needed to find out whatever she wanted from him, there’s no telling what he’s confessed to her.

He shook his head, “No. She told me once that she could tell. By the way, I looked at you. I just denied it. Told her she was crazy. She didn’t believe me anyway.”

These words came out slurred and were beginning to bother me. I’d rather not hear his feelings for me while he was crying over another woman. I don’t know. Maybe that’s just me.

“We’ll talk about it later. Right now you need to focus on staying out of jail. You sent that man to the hospital, Jayel. Now what? I swear in all of the time I’ve known you, You’ve never done the crazy shit you’re doing now. For her! I don’t get it. She doesn’t deserve you. And we both know that. You know how I know we both know?” I held his chin up made him look me in the eye, then tilted my head to the side. He looked so pathetic he was making it almost impossible for me to cough up some tough love, almost, “because we’ve talked about it a trillion and one times, Jayel. We’ve broken it down til it could break no more. That bitch is trash.”

He dropped his head into his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

At that moment I was done asking why. There was no rhyme or reason for the shit we do when we’re in love with the wrong person, when our pride has been defeated. This was the one relationship Jayel ever completely committed to. The one girl he was faithful to and she broke his heart. Stomped on it – like a true cunt. I almost envied Jessa’s boldness, her ability to not give a fuck and keep it moving.

I resisted the urge to point out this is how I felt when he cheated on me. That would be kicking him while he’s down. But shit, it’s the reason I can relate to his pain. Jayel is the one guy I ever let get the best of me.

I sighed hard and released that thought. This wasn’t about me or us. I took his hand, “Come stay with me for a couple of days. I don’t think you should be here alone.”

His eyes widened, “Really?”

“Mmhmm. Go get some things. Think you can manage to do that?”

He nodded and struggled up to his feet, “I think so.”

Jayel packed a small duffle bag with whatever and followed me to my car. I shook my head at the sight. Two hours ago I was asleep, minding my own business.

#black writers on tumblr #writer #fiction #love #soulmate #black authors #broken #gimme more

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jmkitsune · 7 years

Note

1-100 (because revenge)

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

none, I have foobar and all my music is downloaded

is your room messy or clean?

in the middle, could be cleaner but not a disaster

what color are your eyes?

dark as fuck brown

do you like your name? why?

birthname- no

preferred- yes (hence I don’t like anyone knowing my birthname)

what is your relationship status?

single

describe your personality in 3 words or less

ambitious, lazy, idealistic

what color hair do you have?

auburn/strawberry blond

(Red hair)

what kind of car do you drive? color?

yeah no- don’t drive

where do you shop?

online

how would you describe your style?

rolled out of bed and making shit up as I go

favorite social media account

twitter/twitch

what size bed do you have?

futon so a twin

any siblings?

3 half siblings

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

tony stark’s house

do I need to explain? look at that house, it’s fucking gorgeous

favorite snapchat filter?

don’t use filters

favorite makeup brand(s)

don’t wear makeup

how many times a week do you shower?

every other day optimally (depression days make it like every two days or so)

favorite tv show?

if we’re talking shows that are still going-

archer, arrow, flash, legends of tomorrow and supergirl, star wars rebels and samurai jack

shoe size?

9 1/2

how tall are you?

5′7

sandals or sneakers?

converse or boots

do you go to the gym?

nah

describe your dream date

*shrugs* don’t really have one, never really “did dates” growing up so eh

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

3 bucks

what color socks are you wearing?

white

how many pillows do you sleep with?

3 on my bed, two aren’t used those

do you have a job? what do you do?

long answer is I write/am independently publishing my first book while writing the second and third, I stream on twitch 5 days a week and edit said streams for YT, as well as clean a warehouse/office building once a week, then there is also the whole doing shit around the house cause yeah I’m domestic more than “work force” type

short answer- I am always doin somethin >.>

how many friends do you have?

when I count in my “still waking up” mind I think...14-18

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

depends on who you ask?

could be simple as a pun I told or I dunno I tend to think everything I do is the worst

whats your favorite candle scent?

eh I’m not REALLY a scented candle person

3 favorite boy names

don’t really have favorite names

3 favorite girl names

see previous question

favorite actor?

I dunno I like actors/actresses but don’t have favorites

favorite actress?

see previous

who is your celebrity crush?

don’t have one

favorite movie?

star wars or the MCU but more so star wars

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

the star wars EU (legends and canon)

percy jackson books

grisha trilogy

money or brains?

can’t pick, don’t see how one supersedes the other when both can change a person, so case by case or would simply say “why not both”

do you have a nickname? what is it?

how many times have you been to the hospital?

uhhh not many, maybe like 3 or 4 times

top 10 favorite songs

really depends on the week seeing as I don’t NOT have my music always playing

do you take any medications daily?

nah

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

uhh I think oily? I dunno really this is stuff I never really paid attention enough to for me to understand

what is your biggest fear?

lol XD hahahahhaaha

replacement

abandonment

not being good enough

going from cared for and watching someone get over me/sick of me

not being good enough

sensory deprivation

being a waste of space/time to someone

how many kids do you want?

whats your go to hair style?

rolled out of bed and went with how lazy I am for tying it up or not

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

eh it’s a mediumish sized house

who is your role model?

I couldn’t think of someone

what was the last compliment you received?

in relation to “if we were deities of some form or another” from Adrienne

you would be a super interesting not-god though seriously now that I'm thinking about it (-...-) You do always tend to see the potential for good in humanity where I often only see the potential for more evil. But I do agree that humanity has a stubborn streak to rival your own - they don't give up and they don't quit and neither do you. I admit to a (slightly grudging) admiration in that regard. There's no wonder Deity!JM would much rather make his way among humans than sit in the clouds and listen to a bunch of powerful privileged beings and their constant bickering

I took it as a form of compliment...or something

what was the last text you sent?

“good good, was gonna ask if you were/did do that already.”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

I was raised by a Jewish Mom/”christian” step dad so I was the kid in school who had that “secret jew pact” we couldn’t tell the other kids bout Santa

what is your dream car?

not really into cars, being in them gives me panic/anxiety attacks

opinion on smoking?

disgusting habit, wouldn’t ever do it, or date someone who does it

do you go to college?

could have skipped senior year to go...didn’t

*shrugs*

what is your dream job?

not needing to work to survive

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

retrofitted clock tower home

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

don’t go to hotels enough to really consider this

do you have freckles?

used to have a LOT not anymore

do you smile for pictures?

I smirk at best

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

like 10, I delete selfies after uploading them and I don’t really get sent anything so

have you ever peed in the woods?

name a guy who hasn’t for one reason or another

do you still watch cartoons?

that’s like 75% all I watch

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

neither

Favorite dipping sauce?

ketchup

what do you wear to bed?

whatever I wore that day

yes that means I sleep in like t shirt and jeans

have you ever won a spelling bee?

nope- never been in one either

what are your hobbies?

writing

video games

music

staring blankly at a wall cause I’m unaware of anything else to do?

can you draw?

nope

do you play an instrument?

teaching myself over time (reteaching) guitar and first time ocarina

what was the last concert you saw?

Papertongues, Neon Trees in Boston

tea or coffee?

coffee

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

I live in New England, starbucks is the devil I run on Dunkins

do you want to get married?

I look at it this way- this is like asking “do you wanna be rich” ideally people either “yes or no” but it’s not a simple question, being married means so much it can’t be a “Yes or no”

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

moving on

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

*Shrugs* have no attachment to it BUT all my books will have it in the author name soo who knows

what color looks best on you?

I dunno

do you miss anyone right now?

sure

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed and locked

do you believe in ghosts?

you mean memories that linger in dreams/nightmares? sure

the undead? not so much

what is your biggest pet peeve?

I guess people invalidating what I say one minute if they don’t like what I say but then the next saying I’m SOO smart on something they agree with

last person you called`

....that was a LONG time ago, I barely call people

favorite ice cream flavor?

strawberry/vanilla

regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

neither

what shirt are you wearing?

my gray monarchy card shirt that I like ALWAYS wear

what is your phone background?

Darth Revan is the normal background

Revan and Meetra Surik is the lockbackground

are you outgoing or shy?

shy as fuck

do you like it when people play with your hair?

only specific people are allowed to

do you like your neighbors?

I don’t go out enough to interact with them

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

when I shower I do >.>

have you ever been high?

nope

have you ever been drunk?

yuuuup

last thing you ate?

uhh last night....so well technically YESTERDAY evening around...6 or 7ish had Denny’s with kyo and eden

favorite lyrics right now

little wonders by rob thomas I guess, probably not a good thing to pick a sad song lol

summer or winter?

uhh love winter aesthetic but hate snow

love summer for being able to have a nice breeze/cool nights but hate humidity

day or night?

im nocturnal as fuck so night

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

milk and white

favorite month?

don’t have one

what is your zodiac sign

Pisces - like I am the walking embodiment of the damn sign at times

who was the last person you cried in front of?

probably Kyo or Eden I think if we’re talking bout crying in front of in person and that was a while ago, like few years, normally people don’t see me cry

so Kate- revenge was made, but it took me like...10-15 minutes to answer so :D could have been worse

#queeniegoldstxns #askmestuff

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in-paradox-space · 5 years

Text

That dream keeps coming back to me.

Everything I do, I think of it.

I was in an evening class that I’m taking this year. I was late at usual, I always miss education. I don’t show up half the time. So I had to write down and retain every single thing that was being said.

I have to catch up from what is implied in the context. I also have to work to compensate for what I’ll miss in my next absent lesson.

Quickly jotting down and scribbling. In pencil. It’s messy. Watching the teachers movements, she didn’t want us to write at that point but I had to retain it.

This girl next to me, she was crying. I must’ve known for a while but it’s all hazy.

Fat girl, same age, wearing a white shirt. Kind of like a school shirt.

I didn’t even process the fact that she was fat in the dream. Maybe the subconscious of my subconscious picked it up but I wasn’t acknowledging it for a second.

I knew I had just 5 minutes to quickly write everything I had to and more until the lesson began properly. Comprehending it and shortening to keywords, underlining the pieces that I’d need to learn later.

I knew she was crying. She was at my right side, next to me. She was on the end of the long extension of 2 person table/desks. Typical white classroom, those curved, hard plastic chairs. It’s like a white, hard, wooden/plastic table with that little pebble-dashed pale grey pattern on it. The window was to the right, behind her. It lead onto a kind of road, in my dream the room for the classroom was in an industrial area but that’s just how it goes.

That’s just how it goes.

So, I knew I needed to do my work. I also knew it was my duty to try to make sure she’s alright.

I ignored her for about a minute, tried to prioritize what I wrote. I was thinking, I’ll speak to her afterwards.

The classroom kept going on, I felt guilty, sort of conscious that other people may notice that I’m just ignoring this girl who is in tears, in tatters.

I glanced at her to assess the situation.

White shirt collar, open kind of wide in a comfortable, unrestricted manner. She had some bits of pink fleece and grey kind of high school jumper material, mixed together in dream fog. I don’t know if I saw her with a white shirt on because it’s an association from high school or if that’s just what her style is like.

She had lightish brown hair, the kind that looks like a matte, disheveled grey. It’s not technically grey, it’s brown. Not like old grey. I would tell everyone that their hair is grey - when I was younger - because to me it only looks like grey. If you put them next to someone with brown hair they look different. They didn’t like it when I said their hair looks grey. They said it’s brown; that baffled me. I didn’t understand why nobody acknowledged it

but yeah, in that sunlight it looked grey; a little greasy and sort of held back in a bobble.

She was absolutely balling her eyes out. Folder and papers on a desk, her face is slipping in and out of her hand, bottom lip opening and closing in the air to make way for the sound of her incessant crying.

I knew I couldn’t ignore it, but I went back to writing it down. My undereyes kept tensing, it was maybe painful. Knowing that I’m actively ignoring her while I hear her cries meshing in to the humdrum of the classroom.

I dropped my pen onto the desk; I couldn’t ignore it. I asked her what’s up? She kept on crying. Normally I wouldn’t do this but it was a dream, I put my arm around her, let her know she’s not alone through human contact. I asked “what’s wrong? Are you okay?” (something like that) my arm resting into the light squishiness of her back, hand growing warmer on her shoulder. She couldn’t really get the words out, ‘its just’, still sobbing and hiding her face. I was telling her its ok, trying to comfort her. My chair was touching hers, I was embracing her from my side.

So she told me something like: ‘your writing. It’s so perfect. The grammar. There’s not a single problem with your grammar, how is it so flawless. You know just what to write, you’re so smart’. My handwriting was a total mess. It was like a bomb hit the page. Like I was writing it on a bus. Just some keywords, messy underlinings and a couple of quick half-sentences. There was hardly any grammar there. I think she was referring to the Korean writing though (it’s a Korean class I go to at uni once a week). I’m a fresh beginner. I had a tiny bit of practice from home, like 2 months of here and there home studying before the course. It’s a little more familiar to me than most of the others and I’ve picked up on that.

I don’t exactly know what she was implying, but I was embracing her to the point where it was basically 1/3 of a hug. I do think, however, she was implying she’s absolutely terrible at it and that was the reason she was crying. She must have had very low self esteem and felt more insecure and hopeless that she wasn’t picking it up that easily. Now that I think of it, she reminds a little of, my older sister, just a bit, a girl called Catherine I used to go to college with, who liked Minecraft lets plays, FNAF and was quite autistic. She struggled with studies and had super low self esteem. She could work untold wonders with a passion and uniquely shaped mind like hers though.

well, I was taken aback by that. I wasn’t sure what to say, ‘uh no it isn’t.’ ‘yours is a lot better’, I know nothing about her so I cant say that. I didnt know how to ask if thats the problem, I was thinking what to say. I couldnt use icebreaker questions and small talk because it was an awful time for it. She was devastated, I was slightly wondering if she went through something awful recently. It seems like her perception was telling her she had no use in the world.

I was looking at my book, at my desk, attention divided towards her, wondering what my next move would be. I was trying to comfort her, but failing. She was going into panic mode, gasping on her tears, she pulled out some herbal supplements from her bag. I recognized the bottle as Nature’s Best, I thought they was 5-htp which I bought. People use them for depression and anxiety because they turn into serotonin. It was something else, the tablet was a see-through grey like cod liver oil pods but not orange. She drank it or put it into some cereal looking travel mug container idek its a blur whatever. It was a response to her attack, it seemed, anyway.

I thought great, that’s something we can bond on in order to get talking. I was like hey, I use supplements from them too. Natures Best, right? She got her red bag and said I’m sorry, wiping away her tears, she swiftly walked out of the door behind us, down the classroom. Then left, with her pinkish smoky coloured fleecy top. Walking and jogging slowly into the empty road, grey skies, damp from previous rainfall, in the industrial zone. The ones where there’s still houses and buildings to rent but the view is just of grey spiky fences and overgrown abandoned lots.

I was going to chase her, I looked at the teacher, asked if I could go. She looked frustrated said no. dont go. I decided teacher knows best and it’d be foolish not to listen to her.

looking back, I think the girl was a metaphor for my sister, or all the girls I’ve hurt. Hurt with my ignorance, with, idk just how I am. Maybe because I try so hard to look good and impress people, so I dont feel embarrassed or ashamed of myself or whatever, it works. Maybe they believe I’m actually as amazing as i try to seem and that makes them inferior. Maybe I don’t notice because im just trying to make sure I dont come off as sleazy, maybe i dont notice how they actually feel bc im just thinking of myself. I’ve also been fairly abusive to my sister as well. She was on the chubby side, kind of looked like that in school, cried a lot. I mean, I had my reasons for being that way, she was hard to live with but, if we actually need to blame anyone which we dont, my mother should have resolved the issues we all had with each other. Now, they’ve lived on into adulthood and we have to assume how to fix them ourselves.

or, when I’m asleep at that time, my baby nephew, one and a half, is always crying and crying AND SCREAMING AND SOBBING AND EXCLAIMING A CRYING SCREAM OF DREAD, ANGUISH, PAIN AND SUFFERING. It’s Hellish. I was at a friends house, sleeping in a comfy, cozy, quiet bed away from any noise. There was no babies crying but, every single morning without dread, I hear him screaming and howling like a jackal. So when I’m in that deep sleep state of mind, the pathways of my brain must now be wired to accommodate for the tormented squealing of his tire-screeching wails.

So, idk, there was crying, in my subcionscious and it was associated with my sister. Associated with idk, chubby girls with brown hair, who i probably see as struggling with mental tasks such as academia. Whether they lack the knowledge and capabalities or not, they certainly lack the mindset, the self belief and perseverance to keep trying... which in turn yields the same result as being incapable, if not to them then to their perception of self and world. . So, she was crying, and I think it’s a metaphor for both what my negative impact is on my baby nephew and thus, his mother, my sister. She walked out the door, she left our moment together because she idk, she didn’t want to experience any of that. She was hyperventilating crying and just wanted out of the situation; maybe to cry and be sad. Or to do something she realized she had to do, for herself or whatever.

I basically saw that as her quitting the course and giving up for good instead of trying. Then, I knew I had to chase her. I was fully ready to go run out that door, go through a very emotional chat and get to the bottom of everything. Inspirational speech, help her with whatever troubles. Assure her that she’s great, reflect her good side to her. Calm down her breathing rate, crack a quick joke to remind her what laughter feels like and walk her back into class.

Yet, the teacher was cross, sternly shook her head and briefly instructed me not to before continuing her lecturing. She knew I’d missed enough already and wasn’t going to just tell me to miss more because one student has disrupted the workflow. Rightly so, I understood and respected her judgement, yet my heart still felt for her. I kept peering out of my window, into the light glowed up in the poofiness of the lighter clouds, covering all trace of blue on the horizon.

So in conclusion, the crying girl was a metaphor for my family, all of those I need to look out for, compromise with and help move forward. The teacher instructing me to use mind over mood, discipline myself and focus on work is my ambition. My desire for a better life, the knowing that I need to sacrifice my desires, my relationships and even often my conscience for the greater good of my future. Of my ambitions, of my businesses, of my legacy, of what I’ll leave behind, for my self. Otherwise... I’ll be stuck crying with them, gawking at the more admirable traits that others have as opposed to myself.

If I was to chase her, I’d be walking away in the same direction with her. All you can really do is hope she straightens up herself, otherwise, the other option would be doing nothing.

So, that’s what I think that is. I had that dream when I drifted back to sleep after 1pm, monday, 21st Oct 2019. It’s all I could think about all day that day. A fat girl crying. I was jaded all day. Contemplative, even when I got home, I lay in bed, i felt ill after being around pets the whole weekend, eating literally uncountable masses of junk food. I kept sighing mentally, thinking back to the girl who kept sobbing to my right, I didn’t notice she was chubby until after when I reflected. I felt responsible. Then the day after (today) I was thinking of it.

Then, this evening, just today. I was in the classroom, late as usual. I creeped in, teacher talking about many points. Straight away my pad and pen was out, scribbling. I noticed after a while, a kinda chubby girl, brown hair (actually vibrant in colour though), colorful fleece, was to my right. She was on the corner part of the table, no more chairs to the right. She seemed completely emotionally intact, however.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Every note I made I felt bad. I felt guilty. I felt scared, that maybe I’d upset her. I didn’t want to dominate her subliminally. I did know a little extra stuff like conjugations that hadn’t been taught yet and I was writing those down, wondering if she’s noticed. I couldn’t handle it, I looked at her pad, I had to compliment her. It must have been a sign, a vision, that came in a dream. I even considered asking her what she was doing at that time, when the dream occurred, I considered telling her about the dream. All sorts of forward things to strike a conversation with.

In the end, at breaktime, I asked her name. Straight away told her “your writing is so neat. Oh my God. How is your handwriting so neat? That’s unbelievable, wow!”. It was actually incredibly neat by the way I’ll proclaim that right now. Especially the hangul characters, they’re unfamiliar for us pretty much. They was small, spaciously together, in correct proportions, no lines bending the wrong way. When I write them wow, one is too big, a middle vowel will take up the bottom then i sort of squash the last really big consonant underneath, overlapping to the below line. It’s all disproportionate, just a mess... and thats just the English writing.

So yeah, I didn’t tell her any of that dream stuff or whatever. We got talking. She’s doing third year maths at the uni. Took the course to bump her credits up which improves her overall grade. So she’s been taking it very seriously, she said she went over every single word in the textbook last night. She wants to pass. She’s clearly strong willed, intellectual, all the admirable treats. Very admirable indeed. Her favorite number is 7, mainly because she’s born on a 7th day. She enjoys graph theory in maths, dropped mechanics but did pure and statistics, then told me a bunch of stuff about maths i didnt understand but im the one who inquired so it’s kind of what I get. she also knows her runescape fairly well, but we both grew ambitions in the real world which took over, it seems.

we certainly broke the ice a little bit. I probably wouldn’t have even chatted to her without that dream. I’ll get to know her more again next time.

#personal #text post #lucid #dreams #z #dream

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armyhealth9-blog · 6 years

Text

5 Things I Already Regret Buying In 2019

New year, new me, new budget. Right? Well…not exactly. The start of 2019 saw me update my budget using brighter colors, smaller fonts, and more fun bolds and italics where need be. I was eagerly on edge towards the end of December waiting until I could make my first purchase of the new year just to run home and record it on my spreadsheet.

As all new years begin with a glimmer of hope and a chance to change for the better, I told myself that I wasn’t going to do any unnecessary spending. But, alas, just as those goodhearted folk who went to the gym the first two weeks of January and then petered in their determination, I left my dreams of becoming a “smart spender” in the past. Here are five things I already regret buying in 2019.

1. A 3-Pack Of Those Spiral Hair Ties

Spiral hair ties made their debut this summer, and at first, I laughed them off. I already own a normal hair tie. What is this squiggly piece of rubber you expect me to wear in my hair? It looks like one of those coils that lifeguards put their whistles on and then leave high up on their bicep. Why would I want that?

Then I met the most stylish gal named Cydney who wore hers on her wrist and she looked SO. COOL. She had different colors — browns, clears, pastels — and I thought they made the cutest accessories to tie an outfit together. I imagined how it would look next to my gold Casio watch and decided it was worth it.

A pack of 3 was on sale for $7.99, and the regular price was so hidden I had to guess that this was maybe a good deal. When I put one on my wrist it felt very tight — more so than your average elastic. When I take it out of my hair, it often gets stuck and pulls hard. When I type at work, I have to take it off my wrist because it is so 3D I can’t rest my arm down properly. I was at Nordstrom Rack the other day and they had so many spiral elastics that were larger, in different colors, and MUCH CHEAPER than the ones I bought. I was not impressed with my original purchase. Also? I found a larger pastel pink one on the ground at my work the other day and I took it. (Don’t judge me. I watched it all day when I passed in that hallway and no one came back to pick it up.)

2. An Instagrammable Brunch

An old friend and I decided to meet halfway between our homes in a cool part of town that I don’t often get to. I originally suggested to just get coffee because I didn’t want to spend too much money, but after searching all the restaurants in the area, I decided this could be a good time for both a delicious meal and a great food pic. Unfortunately, the little vegetarian spot we picked was less impressive in person than it looked online. The $20 meal was lackluster, something I could have easily made at home. The cafe was empty except for us and one other set of friends, and although the hostess had their choice of EVERY TABLE in the place to seat them, the two girls got sat directly beside us. In addition to overhearing each other’s conversations, these other girls made me feel self-conscious for wanting to be a typical millennial and Instagram my meal. What if they looked over, saw me take a pic, and judged me?

3. A 10-DOLLAR TURMERIC LATTE

I’m currently on a 4-week restricted diet that followed an eight-week naturopathic pill regime to eradicate a stubborn case of SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth). Because of this, it is very hard to eat out and my life right now is very bland and includes very strict meal-prepping.

A group of friends decided to meet for dinner at a trendy vegetarian/vegan spot downtown, and I pre-ate a dinner beforehand in the public library. When I got to the restaurant, I had no intention of buying anything, but eating with friends is one of my biggest joys and I wanted to feel like part of the group. After confirming with the waitress that the almond milk they use is unsweetened, I ordered a turmeric latte thinking I could sip it slowly while my friend chewed their delicious-looking meals. My latte came out before any of the food and it was in the SMALLEST cup I have ever seen. I was livid. Especially because I have the ingredients to make a turmeric latte at home if I really wanted one. But I didn’t even really want one! I just wanted to participate!

4. “Sleeper” Hoop Earrings

If it wasn’t obvious from the past few notes: I love a good trend! I’d been seeing lots of girls wearing little tiny hoop earrings that hug the lobe and look so precious. I wanted to look this minimalist and dainty, too! But all the cute earrings I was seeing on Etsy were a bit too expensive once you factored in shipping and tax. Instead, I went to a drugstore and bought some of their hypoallergenic “sleeper” hoops after I heard from a friend they would be small enough to achieve the look I was wanting. Sadly, I must have explained the look wrong to my friend because the moment I put the earrings on and reached up to feel, I found they were still much bigger than the tight baby hoops I imagined.

5. “Mom’s Lasagna” Pizza

What comes to mind when you think of lasagna? Layers of ground beef, melty cheese, warm noodles, roasted veggies, ricotta, etc. Now imagine all of that on a pizza. Too good to be true, you say? Well, you’d be correct. “Mom’s Lasagna” was the specialty pizza at a classic pizza restaurant in my city, and I was so excited to eat two of my favorite foods in one. However, this establishment must have never seen a lasagna before, because this pizza was just cheddar cheese and ham. So. Much. Ham. If this is how mom made her lasagna, then someone should tell her she’s doing it wrong.

*****

Although it hasn’t been a perfect start to 2019, I think I’m able now to see that my fault when it comes to spending money is trying to fit in or to follow trends. What I need to do instead is start evaluating my purchases through a lens of “Will this make me happy?” and “Is this what I want?”. It’s all too easy to fall into a group-think mindset, but once you’re able to separate yourself from the zeitgeist, I believe that both your wallet and your sense of self will grow.

Hailey is a homebody. Follow her social medias @hailmast.

Image via Unsplash

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Source: https://thefinancialdiet.com/5-things-i-already-regret-buying-in-2019/

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