#1: stop beefing with children

[burningcheese-merchant]

It's so cool to see CRK getting popular again, it feels so refreshing like so much new quality fan content dropping that we couldn't even DREAM about a couple of months ago, but it hurts my very soul seeing new players being interested in beast x ancient ships, in their dynamics, asking is it okay to ship it and getting slapped in the face with another "IT'S ABUSER X VICTIM IT'S A PROSHIP IT'S A DARKSHIP" (which is just not true) killing off all the fun, bc apparently enemies to lovers, AUs and what-ifs doesn't exist anymore and everything that isn't pure fluff is illegal now. "IT'S NOT ENEMIES TO LOVERS, BEASTS ABUSED AND TORTURED THEM" yeah THAT'S WHAT ENEMIES DO??? What else do you expect from a villain honestly??? Like in ANY media??? Beasts still got their ass beat in the end as they totally deserve BECAUSE ANCIENTS ARE NOT SOFT INNOCENT SMALL BABIES THAT NEED TO BE PROTECTED, they're grown ass IMMORTAL ADULTS with huge responsibilities, they rule kingdoms, they hold a huge power in their hands, they're imperfect and not innocent. They can stand for themselves, they can fight, they can destroy, they can lie and they WILL if they need to.

I can SMELL that a shit tonne of people in this fandom secretly enjoys beast x ancient as a guilty pleasure, a forbidden fruit, but they will never admit it just because they're afraid of being harassed and bullied and it's just sad how normalized it is to hurt actual people over shipping some mobile game characters, who are adults, doesn't have power imbalance between them and aren't related.

And allat coming from ME, who doesn't ship a single beast x ancient ship

It's sad lol. Sad for the Beast x Ancient community and honestly kind of pathetic for ardent detractors at this point. I've seen sooooo many Beast x Ancient fans get harassed and even sent death threats, it's not even funny (not that it ever was in the first place). Don't you have better things to do than get this mad about video games lol. Like a job or school or a hobby or something

You're right, the Ancients are not helpless widdle babies and I'm kind of sick of how often they're infantilized, in general and just for the sake of tearing down BxA. They're grown adults who are thousands of years old. Two of them are parents, whose children are grown adults themselves. 4 of 5 founded entire nations. 1 is an active ruler still (Cacao), one seeks to rule again (Golden). Let's not kid ourselves, they've probably all got blood on their hands (not to the degree the Beasts do, but still. You don't live that life without having to make tough choices). Stop treating them like porcelain dolls lol. Yes, the Beasts attacked them, but they're villains. That's what villains do. Go play Animal Crossing if you can't handle heroes and villains fighting each other lol

And then I get a laugh whenever those same people who screech about toxicity and abuse and yadda yadda turn around and ship H*llyt*ya or Sh*dowSp*ce. The former is BxA in a different costume. The latter... Man. You know. Because TWO deranged maniacs, who are fundamentally incompatible in every way and do not make sense at all and absolutely would hurt each other and bring each other down I hate that ship so damn much. Do not ask me abt it I WILL ramble and nobody needs that. Zero beef with fans though, we're coolio! Just a difference of opinion!, is such a better option, isn't it lol. Hypocrisy.

I'm sure you noticed that ep 7 + 8 brought out a whole lot of new ShadowVanilla fans. I agree w/ you, I can feel that there are a fuckton of BxA fans lurking in the darkness, waiting for an excuse to poke their heads out (like 7 + 8 lol), only hiding because they don't want to attract lunatics. Even YOU sent this ask anonymously. Most of my inbox is stuff from anons, and I look at them all and wonder, "how many of you are just afraid of backlash for expressing any joy in BurningCheese or any of the other BxA pairs?" It's ok, guys. Don't listen to them. Be you. I'm being me right now, as cringy as I am. I am Extremely Normal about BurningCheese and I'm not ashamed :) they're video game characters at the end of the day, just have fun. Why can't we all just be bros, man, what does any of this matter

[froschli96]

You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)

remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?

and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)

also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)

altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???

oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)

they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))

and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!

(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)

with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!

and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)

and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))

but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.

god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?

basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.

because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!

it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.

like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.

like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.

the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)

like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.

so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh

[didyouhangthemoon]

Mha and jjk headcanons in which I have no grounds for

Dabi (cuntilicious king 🙏)

- LOVES SOUP like this man will guzzle down some tomato soup like if life depends on it

- also very good at making it with his quirk but it's always way too damn hot to actually eat so no one but him likes it

- was so good at just dance when he was a kid, always had the highscore and would tweak out if Natsuo did better

- really likes southern accents but would absolutely berate you for having one

- we know he doesn't eat fish but I personally think its more of a texture issue than a flavor one

- has personal beef with pescatarians (for no reason mind you)

- would actually really get along with Toga and Twice if he stopped being edgy (I think he stops with this after the reveal and the Dabi persona dies down)

- has never dated or honesty even considered it, I really hate the whole manwhore fanon version of him because he canonically is oblivious to flirtation and basically skipped the puberty cutscene and probably has zero dating interest let alone wanting to sleep with people he doesn't know

- had really good posture as a kid but after the coma he very quickly developed emo middle schooler shrimp posture

- has a shit ton of surgical scars but you can hardly see them unless they're on his unscarred skin

- IF he liked someone romantically he would brutally fumble every attempt to be romantic to the point where people think he may just be messing with you

- and no he will NOT confess but he will be mad that you (despite having no clue) haven't confessed on his behalf

- before he became a villain, people on the street would ask who he was cosplaying upon seeing his scars and thinking they were fake

- HATES cosplay for this reason

- would give someone he likes a weirdly affectionate nickname and then swear to God that its actually a niche insult (he did mental gymnastics to get to this conclusion)

Aizawa

- this man love him a sweet treat, esp coffee jelly or a more bitter dessert

- actually has a full haircare and oiling routine he just doesn't style it so it looks insane but it's healthy asf

- elaborating on that last one, short but solid and cheap skincare routine as well as overall high quality bodycare routine

- kind of person to spend 3k on a mattress, he doesn't typically blow money much but he gets awful knots in his back so having a good quality and very comfortable bed means a lot - definitely the cooling gel kind

- has an adjustable desk that he can stand with, bought it thinking that it would help him stay awake late at night (then he fell asleep standing and gave up on that)

- eri and him are in an ongoing 'argument' about whether or not they should get a dog or a cat

- REALLY likes living in the dorms, he loves that he's nearby everything and doesn't have to make a commute anymore, also feels very assured about the safety of the students

- he always cared about women but midnight explained modern feminism and the social issues to him in high school and ever since he's been hyperaware of the little things in the day to day

- Really likes the children's shows he and Eri watch, one time he made an 'everypony' joke to 1-A (they will never live this down) also his favorite is Twilight Sparkle

- does tons of research on all the shows they watch before they watch them, he knows she already seen WAY too much thanks to Overhaul and really cares about keeping violence or god forbid gore away from her

- hates horror movies and thinks people who like the crazy ones are weird

- most his Spotify is just brown noise

- acts nonchalant about his birthday but literally cherishes each gift and has a memory box of the cards and letters people give him

- thinks vaping is the devil and side eyes the soul out of anyone he passes doing it, sometimes he'll activate his quirk if they look younger

- his favorite shirt is a sweatshirt he's had since he was 17, its plain dark grey and has a few holes but is super soft and worn down now, he wears it after a long day and to bed, almost never out the house

- keeps extra hairties in his desk in the teachers lounge for the girls to use during training (But he loses his own all the time)

- Eri once gave him a plushie and it resides on his bed at ALL times

Hawks

- wears Spongebob boxers, that is all

Nanami

- coughs like CRAZY when he's nervous, like people stare it's so loud, insists he just had to clear his throat

'I have something to tell you-'

'AHEMGOUEHGOUGHG- Yes?'

- luxury body wash

- has a really nice facial moisturizer

- sleeps on his stomach and sprawled out

- on a shameful and rare occasion he will listen to his old emo playlist from high school

- wears his watch downwards

- fucking goes crazy with some scrabble

- Gojo once bullied him for using high vocabulary words in high school and he's STILL a tiny bit salty about it

- doesn't lay down on couches because he will zoink tf out in all of 30 seconds like a divorced father

- secretly LOVES magical girl anime, but would NEVER tell a soul this and you khm if Gojo found out

Gojo

- one time tried to pirate a movie with Suguru in high school but got a weird email and it scared him so much he bought a new laptop

- shares his streaming services with Megumi

- furthermore tries to stalk what he watches so he can learn about it and make jokes with him but he always fumbles the joke

- refuses to teach his students math, like will NOT do it, Yaga has to on his behalf

- wears super cute and fluffy socks at all times an has a huge collection

- has a few online friends but he kinda lies about who he is to them

- desperately tries to break the ice with Utahime (am I spelling that right?) and Nanami, genuinely just wants friends so bad but they never give him a chance, Mei Mei (ew I know) is much nicer to him but still won't actually be his friend

- has a expensive ass baby blue mini foot spa thing but never uses it, tried to once but it tickled and he threw it into his closet immediately

- credit to my sister @theclassiccherry but Gojo once accidentally hit the bidet button in the bathroom and screamed (like Finn super high pitched) at the top of his lungs, when asked about it he denied it and then gaslit Yuji into taking the blame

[stellar-alexius]

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

a formal complaint from a deeply wronged reader

Spoilers under the cut

“Mary Shelley was only 18 when she wrote this, cut her some slack!” No. I’ve seen 12-year-olds on Wattpad write more compelling protagonists than Victor Frankenstein. She doesn’t have an excuse.

So let’s talk. Let’s beef.

First of all: The protagonist. The fucking protagonist.

I hate Victor Frankenstein with every molecule in my being. For several reasons! Those being:

He’s a whiny, pathetic little loser.

He’s a whiny, pathetic little loser.

He’s a whiny, pathetic little loser.

Oh, and did I mention? He’s a whiny, pathetic little loser.

I don’t even remember half the damn book because his narration is just so. Damn. Boring. Whiny. Whine whine whine—that’s ALL HE EVER DOES.

This bitch stitched together a humanoid corpse and gave it LIFE. And you're telling me instead of saying, “It’s alive! It’s alive! It’s alive!” like any normal scientist, he thinks:

“Ew. Ugly. Maybe if I go to sleep it’ll get out of my house.”

Bitch what??????????

Any real scientist would’ve LOST THEIR MIND over reanimating even one single cell. Let alone a full-grown humanoid creature. They’d be publishing their findings. Running tests. Contemplating the future of humanity.

But NOOOOOOO. Victor Frankenstein isn’t like the other scientists 🙄 He’s too busy being offended his creature doesn’t look like a Calvin Klein model.

Second: The writing.

My edition was 276 pages. I skipped nearly 100 of them. And missed ZERO important plot beats. Why? Because it was just endless poetic simping for the fucking Alps. Like sir. The mountains are PRETTY. We GET IT. SHUT UP.

Like yeah, "the standards were different back then" or whatever but Jane Austen wrote the masterpiece known as Pride and Prejudice in the year 1796 and Mary Shelley wrote her garbage in 1816 so clearly its NOT A STANDARDS THING. IT'S JUST BAD WRITING.

Edit: '100 pages' is a hyperbole. I did not, in fact skip 100 pages. Only like 70.

Third: The plot holes.

Let’s talk about the Justine Moritz case.

Justine, loyal servant for YEARS. Never stole. Never lied. A literal saint. She’s found with a necklace and that’s all it takes to convict her???

SHE COULD’VE SAID:

“He gave it to me so it wouldn’t get dirty while he played.”

BAM. Charges dropped. Case closed.

And VICTOR. FUCKING. KNEW. He knew Justine was innocent. He knew the creature did it. He said NOTHING.

He could’ve told the authorities. They could’ve gone after the creature.

You really think one (1) chonky guy stitched from dead people could defeat 20 armed officers??? They could’ve stopped him. Captured him. Killed him. Or studied him (LIKE VICTOR SHOULD'VE BEEN DOING IN THE FIRST PLACE)

But NOOOOOOOO, Victor "whiny, pathetic little loser" Frankenstein went was like:

Victor was like:

“Ugh… if I tell anyone… people might be disappointed in me… 🥺”

SIR. GET A FUCKING GRIP.

Your family is literally the sweetest, most forgiving, loving group of people in Europe.

They’d be like:

“Oh Victor… poor thing… have some soup and rest your head…”

Fourth: The wedding night scene.

Victor is???? So fucking stupid????

The creature tells him:

“I will be with you on your wedding night.”

And Victor thinks:

“Oh no 😰 he’s going to kill me 😖”

HELLO??? Let’s review:

He killed your little brother.

He framed and got your family’s servant executed.

He murdered your best friend.

AND YOU THINK YOU’RE NEXT????

He told you he was going to ruin your life. You FORGOT your wife is part of your life???

Bitch just stood around on his honeymoon with a pistol while Elizabeth got brutally murdered upstairs.

No thoughts in that head of his.

Fifth: Victor's weird sense of Morality™

The creature LITERALLY offers a clean deal:

“Make me a wife. I’ll leave. Forever. No contact, no humans, no murder. Bye.”

It’s EXACTLY what Victor wants.

But does he do it? Of course not! Because:

“OMG 😱 what if they spawn children 😱😱😱”

SIR. YOU BUILT HIM FROM CORPSES. You can make her WITHOUT A FUNCTIONING REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM. YOU COULD GIVE HER AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT DIGESTIVE TRACT IF YOU WANTED.

OR, YK. JUST PERFORM A TUBECTOMY???????

Sixth: Victor’s health.

GOD does this man faint. In the whole book Victor must have fainted like, 40 times. This isn't even an exaggeration. In a word count of like 75k, Victor Frankenstein faints nearly FORTY. FUCKING. TIMES. And the number of times he GETS SICK?????? HELLO?????????? We need to stop analyzing this as a gothic moral epic and start figuring out what fucking ailment Victor had because it CANNOT be normal to pass out so often from your own feelings.

Edit: It's been pointed out to me that he does not, in fact, faint forty times; only three times. Which makes things marginally better. Still not off the hook, but better.

Edit 2: In retrospect this sounds ableist asf. Disregard the entire point.

Seventh: The horror factor.

Surprise! There isn't one.

No tension. No suspense. No fear.

The scariest thing about this book is how preventable every single plot point is.

The monster? He could’ve been terrifying. He should’ve been terrifying. But no! Instead we get:

Emotional monologues.

Paradise Lost quotes.

“Nobody understands me” speeches.

Frankenstein’s creature walked so all the ✨dark, mysterious, tortured, misunderstood hot boys✨ in YA romance could sprint through the fog in slow motion with a violin score playing in the background.

I went into this book with such high hopes. Gothic sci-fi pioneer! A literary milestone! Written by someone our age!

FUCKKKKKK

part 2

[multifan2022]

Fearless 3

PART 1 PART 2 PART 4

Four pushes a set of double doors open, and we walk into the place he called "the Pit."

"Oh," you hear Christina whisper nervously. "I get it."

"Pit" is the best word for it. It is an underground cavern so huge you can't see the other end of it from the doors at the bottom. Uneven rock walls rise several stories. Built into the stone walls are places for food, clothing, supplies, leisure activities. Narrow paths and steps carved from rock connect them. There are no barriers to keep people from falling over the side.

A slant of orange light stretches across one of the rock walls. Forming the roof of the Pit are panes of glass and, above them, a building that lets in sunlight. It looked like just another city building when passed on the train. One of the reasons only the people here and the higher ups knew where the entrance was. 

Blue lanterns dangle at random intervals above the stone paths, they grow brighter as the sunlight dies. People are everywhere, all dressed in black, all shouting and talking, expressive, gesturing. A group of children run down a narrow path with no railing and you can see the sweat rolling down Tris's face as she tries to not yell at them to be careful or stop. 

You know it's shocking, as an Amity transfer you understood the shock but she had to keep quiet. You were praying she would stay quiet. "If you follow me," says Four, "I'll show you the chasm."

He waves us forward as we approach the railing,  you hear the roar of water, fast-moving water, crashing against rocks. Sighing happily as Four shakes his head, the most dangerous place in the area is your favorite. 

You watch everyone look over the side. The floor drops off at a sharp angle, and several stories below that is a river. Gushing water strikes the wall beneath you and sprays upward. To the left, the water is calmer, but to the right, it is white, battling with rock.

"The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" Four shouts. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You've been warned."

"This is incredible," says Christina, as we all move away from the railing "Incredible is the word," you hear Tris whisper. You cant help but listen to their conversations, feeling the need to know everything about this girl who you are supposed to 'save'.

Four leads the group of initiates across the Pit toward a gaping hole in the wall. The room beyond is well-lit enough that you can see where we're going: a dining hall full of people and clattering silverware. When we walk in, the Dauntless inside stand. They applaud. They stamp their feet. They shout. 

A smile fills your face as you watch the transfers, the shock slowly falls off their faces and smiles replace them. You all move towards an empty table, Four and you sitting across from each other. With Tris on one of his sides, Christina next to her. A quick scan of the rooms tells you that Tori is still at the shop. 

You quickly pile food on your plate, more than you will eat but you know the tank across from you will finish it. You watch as Tris grabs a burger following your lead, but pinches the meat between her fingers, unsure what to make of it.

Four looks up at you before grabbing the ketchup and setting it in front of her. "It's beef," he says. "Put this on it." "You've never had a hamburger before?" asks Christina, her eyes wide. Taking an unladylike bite you roll your eyes as Tris looks down at her lap "Stiffs eat plain food."

Christina's eyebrows pull together, "Why?" She asks as Tris looks up, smearing the sauce on her burger while answering. "Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary." Tris answers in a monotone voice. You look up at Four remembering how many times he said the same thing to you. 

Christina smirks "No wonder you left." You sigh, rolling your eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure it was just because of the food." The corner of Four's mouth twitches as he tries to not smile at your attitude. Tris looks at you thankfully, before slowly eating her food. 

Only a few more bites in Christina is talking again, testing the little patience you have. "So Y/n, where are you from?" Before you can answer you feel Fours leg brush against yours, when you look up you can see what hes trying to say. 'You don't have to answer them.'

You smile and turn to look at the recruits who are all staring at you. "Amity" you say smoothly picking up whatever drink it is Four poured you. You try not to laugh when all of their jaws hit the table. Stuttering over their words as they try to comprehend how you came from the gentle loving community. Four speaks putting all their questions to bed before they can start.

"Theres a reason shes here. Unless you want to experience it first hand I wouldn't ask." 

The doors to the cafeteria open, and a hush falls over the room. Without looking you know who it is, you can tell by the way the recruits act. By the way Fours entire body tenses, his eyes falling from your face to the table. You know what the newbies see in the man standing in the doorway. 

"Who's that?" hisses Christina, staring across the room at his as he marches his way over. "His name is Eric," says Four. "He's a Dauntless leader." She gasps turning back towards us "Seriously? But he's so young."  Four gives her a grave look as if asking if shes stupid before waving over to you "Age doesn't matter here."

You feel him sit down next too you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder before leaning over to whisper in your ear. "Ive been looking for you." It sends chills down your spine, he is the only person you truly hate besides your brother. You take every chance to fight him that comes your way, even if its just verbally. 

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" he asks, nodding to the recruits. Four says, "This is Tris and Christina." You point your fork down at Peter "Thats Peter, we haven't been properly introduced to the other yet." 

"Ooh, a Stiff," says Eric, smirking at Tris. His smile pulls at the piercings in his lips, making the holes they occupy wider.  "We'll see how long you last." You see Tris wince but turn her eyes towards you and you roll your eyes and shake your head a little. Trying to tell her to ignore him. 

He taps his fingers against the table. His knuckles are scabbed over, right where they would split if he punched something too hard. Which he did, two days before you had gotten into an argument in the control room over how much involvement he would have in training. Like a teenage boy he punched one of the walls. 

"What have you been doing lately, Four?" he asks, his arm still around you even though you had pushed it off twice. Fours eyes land on it glaring before looking at Eric "Nothing really." 

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up," Eric says. "He requested that I find out what's going on with you." Four looks at Eric for a few seconds before shrugging and saying, "Tell him that I am satisfied with the position I currently hold."

"So he wants to give you a job." The rings in Eric's eyebrows catch the light as they lift. You smile down at your plate, knowing exactly which job Max wants to give him. He knows Four is a threat to his job, he also knows he wont take it until forced too. "So it would seem," Four says looking back at you trying to read how uncomfortable you are. You scrunch your nose at him  and chuckle a little at his protectiveness. 

"And you aren't interested." Eric says finally moving his arm from your body and leaning across the table a little. You see Tris lean away from him, Christina's eyes still locked on him 'God please dont develop a crush' You think. 

"I haven't been interested for two years." Four answers

"Well," says Eric. "Let's hope he gets the point, then." He claps Four on the shoulder, a little too hard, and gets up. When he walks away, when hes far enough away you groan and dramatically throw your head back. Thanking whoever was watching that he finally left, but also cursing them that he came over in the first place. 

"Are you three...friends?" Tris asks quietly, its like shes afraid to speak you dont know if your grateful for that or not. "We were in the same initiate class," Four says. "He transferred from Erudite." You finish sliding your plate with mashed potatoes and a half portion of green beans left towards him. 

"Were you a transfer too?" Tris says a little louder this time, causing the others to look back our way. You know he wont answer, and can almost see his walls slamming up.  "I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions," he says coldly. "Now I've got Stiffs, too?"

"It must be because you're so approachable," She say flatly. "You know. Like a bed of nails."

He stares at her, but she doesn't look away. Looking him in the eye is a challenge. Its yet another moment that shows her divergence. Another moment that shows how hard this is all going to be for you. "Four" You say lowly breaking his attention away from her, he looks back at you and nods when you flick your head to the side. Dismissing him without undermining his authority. 

But just before he walks away he says "Careful, Tris" in a tone that conveys he isn't done with whatever that was that was happening. Your eyes stay on him as he makes his way over to another table, the one with Zeke and Shauna. Both who wave at you before putting there attention on him. 

As you're watching him you're listening to Christina "I have a theory.. and that is... That you have a death wish." The two girls laugh and continue their conversation, but to you it isn't a joke. She doesn't understand the danger shes not only putting herself in, but all of you in. You don't even want to think about what would happen if they found out about her. 

Because if they found out about her, it wouldn't be a far leap to you. And if they found out about you, they would find out about everyone.. Anyone who was even slightly divergent would be in danger all because of one stupid girl. 

Anger rose in you quicker than you could get a handle on it. You stood briskly from the table grabbing both your and Fours plates and cups. Walking stiffly from the table, your breathing was getting heavier. You knew you needed to get out of the room, either to the gym or the parlor.

 You didn't meet Zeke, Shauna or Fours eyes as you practically storm from the room. The last thing you heard before the doors slammed behind you was Christina.

"Was it something I said?" 

~~

You knew you only had an hour before you had to meet the group back down in the dorms. So instead of going to the gym where you would spend hours, or the parlor where Tori would ask too many questions, you went to your room. You didn't lock your door, knowing that one of your three best friends would be following. 

Most likely Shauna, and about five minutes later as you were changing into leggings from your jeans she walked in. Zeke was the only one of them who ever knocked. Shauna said it was because she had all the same lady parts, Four said it was because he had seen it all. Which wasn't the point, but whatever. 

"Ok Girl.. What was that? Did Four piss you off? Want me to sick Zekey on him?" She said quickly after shutting the door and throwing herself across your bed. You sigh, moving towards the bathroom to brush your hair up into a pony tail. You had to be careful on how you answered, you always did. It was yet another thing that was exhausting about your life here. 

"Those girls were just driving me nuts, after the stress of being in the city today I was just done." You say rubbing your eyes before leaning your hands on the counter. 'Arent you tired of lying to all your friends? ' That voice called doubt.. or depression asks silently in your head. 

Shauna is one of the easier ones to fool, Zeke a little harder but Four could read you like a child's book. You were grateful she was the one who came up, it allowed some of the weight to fall off your shoulders. Pulling your shirt off you stood adjusting your sports bra, then splashing cool water on your neck. 

"Want to hang out after you put the kiddies to bed?" She asks looking your way, even if she cant read you she can see the tension in your shoulders. 

You shake your head "Im gonna go for a run before I go to sleep, try to work out some of this energy. Gotta be on point tomorrow, I want to be the one to break that Peter fucker."

~

~

~

@coolestgirlhere

[blissfulphilospher]

So, I don't know why I am posting this but I had this in my heart since a long time. So, bear with me.

I read Princess and the Queen and Fire and Blood back in 2019, after GoT ended for more content. And I got to know about The Dance from Tumblr, the awesome artists and fanarts.

When I read those books, I felt for Rhaenyra. No I don't have a step mother but Rhaenyra felt alone, like her mother died and her father remarried, her new step mom was first kind and loving but then after a brother all that changed.

I can't blame book Rhaenyra for not having good relationship with her siblings, she was a child, just like them and the world was trying to replace her with them just as her mother had been replaced. (When my brother was born, I felt the same and we don't have the best relationship even now, but you know whose fault is that? Adults. Adults who love to compare and pity siblings against siblings)

Why Viserys never tried to mend the relationship between his eldest son and daughter? Even Alicent tried. And then Daemon evidently manipulated Rhaenyra more to hate her siblings for his own benefit. He was pushed down in succession. (He should never have been in succession)

Then Rhaenyra grows older, bold and doing as she like, fighting her step mother, beefing with her siblings and people are following her. She is being courted and has freedom in that era.

I liked book Rhaenyra because she seemed ruthless. She wasn't trying to pretend being good, she was ambitious, she was fighting for the throne because her father chose her. Not because of a stupid prophecy. We all know how that ended. She wanted the throne. (I will eat my brother alive if my father chose me for something and not him). She was unhinged.

And I liked that about her. I liked Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen. She was greatly flawed, she offered her brothers for Laenor, she fed a man to her dragon, she hosted a lavish feast in a starving city, she was a woman and let men do the fighting. She was a mother and did everything to protect her children (foolishly though). She faced death with bravery and didn't begged and didn't offered negotiation, didn't ran. A true dragon. Like those menacing cruel dragons?

And then HotD gave us...

1) 'I rather serve as a knight and ride to battle and glory' but she isn't train with swords. If she wants that then why isn't she trained? Was this to appease Arya's fans? Also this message of feminism, 'a woman only cool and worth something when she wants to be like men, Do what men does.' I am not saying this is bad but you are making her a feminist atleast let her appreciate females? Also, again, if she wanted to train with swords then why didn't she? Nobody stopped Visenya and Alyssa, no one would have stopped her.

2) On Aegon's nameday, enough people have said that already, Rhaenyra being mean to her two year old brother and acting like a spoilt child but I want to add this—

Everyone came there for Aegon, hoping Viserys will name him heir. HotD gave us Rhaenyra acting like a brat and then killing a boar and totally projecting her as a protagonist by showing White Hart, and sexy cool asf covered with blood. She could have made alliance, like book Rhaenyra would have mingled with everyone, dressed better than everyone, charming everyone. Not arguing with other ladies and lords.

3) Daemyra. Enough said. I never thought Book Rhaenyra and Book Daemon had any great love story, they were not even written as such. Nah, Rhaenyra desired Criston, tried to seduce him first. Daemon was only using her. He had one healthy relationship in the book and that was with Laena. They both came together because none of them considered Alicent and her children as their family too.

I hate this show for promoting them as some great tragic love. Nah, Rhaenyra needed his protection and Daemon wanted to be closer to the throne. Why didn't they let them be that? How are they going to justify as to why Daemon left Rhaenyra and his son alone to go die along with Aemond?

And if Daemyra is a great tragic love story why they got afraid to show Rhaenyra having Laenor murdered? Because that was the level of her craziness in the books, and that's in the character of Daemyra. That's 'I will do anything to be with you, for you' energy.

Gods, I thought Rhaenyra would be Cersei Lannister level in HotD, cool, snarky, awesome, beautiful, unhinged, fashion icon, doing everything for her children, doing everything for her and not shying away from the person she is, a necessary evil (like feeding Vaemond to Syrax). And incestuous. Of course Jaime x Cersei level of craziness in Daemyra?

In HotD... Emma and Milly did awesome job but their character was bland. Served to us by writers as 'a goody two shoes always right'. 'she can do nothing wrong.'

Why is media afraid of showing what women are? Why can we only be 'goody two shoes, patriarchy bad, I am awesome cause I am not like other girls' in feminist shows? Why can't they women as humans, as grey, ambitious? Why can't woman be anti hero? Rhaenyra is suffering from stereotyped blend of Arya and Dany.

Alicent is a fresh breath in that regard. But I hate the show for stripping away her agency and making her a crybaby. You are showing me that the Queen, who may or not have murdered Viserys, cried for him? That her, who plotted and plotted and led the Greens, crowned her daughter would not want her son to be king?

They even changed the dinner scene, everyone was supposed to make fun of the other party. No heartwarming and Aegon was supposed to fight Jace.

But make two female characters cry over each other, cry over men, abuse them, strip their agency, make the person you are trying to show as protag (she should not even be a protag) blander than water and call it a feminist show.

(HotD should not even be a feminist show, it should have been a family drama show. Imagine my embarrassment when I told my brother that I love Rhaenyra and I am just like her before the show started and by the end I was like ... Wow Aegon Second of His Name, I stan the One True King. Because he, despite they made him a monster is more interesting than Rhaenyra at this point.)

I was robbed. We were robbed of spicy hot pizza and instead given a bland cheese toast.

I refuse to eat bread, give me cake. Cersei, Margaery, Catelyn were cake, Alicent... She is the cookie. (Not adding Sansa because in the end of the show... Book Sansa is pastry.)

At this moment we all most cope. Thank you whoever read this. Also wanted to add, I was Team Woman but I can't stan this Rhaenyra. Nah.

[zeni1098]

Rating invader zim ships cuz why the heck not lol

————————————————————————

Disclaimer: please keep in mind that these are all my opinions, my logic for shipping may seem very hypocritical lol, but please keep in mind that I’m not trying to shame others for shipping things I do not even if it seems that way!

————————————————————————

Zim x any child:Yeeesh, Zims age is a reallyyy touchy subject if I’m being honest, I personally think Zim is 100% an adult. Simply because I do. Jhohen even jokes about Zim being an old man that thinks beefing with children is a good usage of him time. So personally,

0/10

Rapr:UEGHHH THE HOMOS EVER MANN, THEYRE ALWAYS TIGTEHER THEY DEFO MAKE OUT SLOPPY STYLE WHEN NO ONES LOOKING/silly/j

9/10

ZaTR:Zim x tak, personally?, I don’t mind it. I can’t see it working out in canon. And for it TOO work out, I think it’d be slow burn. Neither of them seem to have romance on their mind. I think the only way for it to become healthy is for tak to come to terms with everything and maybe even see how incompetent the tallest are and none of this stuff is really worth it and she should move on (NOT AT ALL BLAMING TAK) and for Zim to maybe not be so ermmm Zim/silly/hj

7/10

Tak x Tenn:Lesbianssss

9/10

Skoodge x Zim:Yaoi Yaoi Yaoi ermmm

“he asked for no pickles!1!1”-Zim

when Skoodge did indeed ask for pickles (he even clarified)

8/10

Tenn x zim: even if it’s not confirmed, they’re definitely siblings to me lol. Like found family. So 0/10

(My hc isn’t canon so it’s perfectly ok to me if u ship them!! Not like my opinion matters or anything)

Tak x Skoodge:Girlboss X malewife fr fr

4/10

Prazr:Gonna get attacked (probably), but erm, I don’t hate it lol. Yeah, the tallest don’t give 2 shits about zim but like, that has not stopped shippers before

*cough cough* Tomtord *cough cough* (completely unrelated fandom mention???)

I think for this to work however, slowburn to the max, the tallest are assholes. Zim is delulu. I think if the tallest actually started caring about their subjects in general and Zim stopped just being delusional this could work (???)

(Zim lowkey deserves better than the tallest tho ngl)

8.2/10

Dr membrane X the tallest (yes it exists): gay gay homosexuals (the joke is that they’re all legal consenting adults)

I feel like if it ever happened, it’d be really funny if Dr membrane just like, never knew they were aliens??? Even if they clarified, he just acts like they’re joking or smth. I can see dib just pointing and screaming that they’re aliens while Dr membrane is like “Dib aliens are not scientifically possible!!” And the tallest are just standing there like

“🧍‍♂️🧍”

7.8/10

Zim x navigator (the one from the florpus that wanted to turn the ship):

I’m the only one who ships them. I’m the only one who cares fr!1!1/j I came up with it on my own and I knew I’d be alone on this. I feel like the navigator would punch the tallest if he could/silly

8.6/10

(I don’t think the navigator even HAS a canonical name tbh)

[markhenzel]

My grand theory of ASOIAF with combination of multiple theories

1) Jon Snow is Ned Stark and Ashara Dayne son

2) Ned went through the same situation as Robb Stark but with different choices

3) Arthur Dayne is Mance Rayder

4) Coldhands is the original Mance Rayder

5) Edric Dayne is Rhaegar and Lyanna son

Personally, I never like the idea of Jon Snow is son of Rhaegar and Lyanna because it's undo the entire story of Jon. He's a bastard and we see from his perspective about how Westeros mistreat bastard as bad omen. But he ignore the mockery and climbs his way to be Lord Commander of Night's Watch. Make him royalty and what we left with? Is that mean all bastards are evil by nature? With Joffrey, Ramsey, Ulf The White, Hugh Hammer, Daemon Blackfyre, Bloodraven etc? So Jon is a good guy because he never a bastard? It's stupid. I always think his story is more toward King In The North with Robb's will subplot.

I personally believe Jon is son of Eddard Stark and Ashara Dayne. It's a parallel to Robb Stark with Jane Westerling and Walder Frey's daughter. Ned Stark went through the same as Robb Stark did but made a different choices. Just like Robb Stark had to choose between his honor after dishonor Jane Westerling or his duty for promise made to House Frey, Ned Stark had to choose between his honor towards Ashara Dayne or his duty after his brother, Brandon Stark's death to betrothed with Catelyn Tully to strengthen Stark-Tully alliance. As Robb picks honor, Ned chose duty. But Ned still takes Jon Snow under him as he is indeed an honorable man.

I also like to think after Ned lifts the siege on Storm's End against House Tyrell (and he's beef with Robert for letting House Lannister leave without answer the crime from Elia and her children and kingslaying), Ned went to Starfall, castle belongs to House Dayne to say final goodbye to Ashara Dayne as he is currently betrothed to Catelyn Tully. But when he arrived, he got the news that Ashara Dayne is pregnant with his son, Jon Snow. There are chances Ashara Dayne told the location of Tower of Joy to Ned as she probably got it from Arthur Dayne.

So, a battle ensues in Tower of Joy. Let's imagine it for a second. Let in the fight, after many friends and foes died, and only Ned, Howland Reed and Arthur Dayne survive, and right before the fight continue, Ned reveal that he is the father of Ashara Dayne's baby which stops Arthur from giving the final blow as it would be an act of kinslaying. As they both stop fighting and Arthur Dayne surrenders, Ned Stark being honourable man as he is, instead sent Arthur Dayne to the Wall for his crime.

Now, going about Arthur Dayne. Just like Jaime chapters and Barristan Selmy chapters, Arthur Dayne probably going through an identity crisis about who he is currently and why he should dedicated his life for another organization that all about same as Kingsguard. So he went to Wildlings under the disguise of Mance Rayder to find himself and lives amongst Free Folks and learn their way of life. That's of course until The Others emerge and he leads as King Beyond The Wall to avoid them.

Alright. I'm not gonna elaborate too much on Coldhands being actual Mance Rayder as it wasn't strong evidence. But I just 100% sure that Mance Rayder is an actual person since most Night's Watch did witness he was born and raised in the Wall. So there's two person; Arthur Dayne takes name of a dead (presumably) Night Watch aka Mance Rayder and the real Mance Rayder who probably died or Coldhands.

Finally, Edric Dayne. Just so you know, I got this idea from the meme about "What if Jon Snow born with white hair? How hard Ned gonna explain it?" And that's give me an idea and I been onto Edric Dayne for since then. Think about it, a boy with white hair and purple eyes. Where else to hide it other than a house that known for having white hair and purple eyes aka House Dayne? It's equivalent of Rhaenyra saying her bastards are truborn because Rhaenys has a black hair. Storywise, it's also make sense. The child that been prophecies to save the world ended up just being a side audience and not involved with the main plot whatsoever. And just an addition, the original idea for A Feast For Crows supposed to have 5 years time jump and it was Edric Dayne involved in Dorne subplot instead Darkstar.

[orphanensemble]

maybe im NOT being dramatic having 1 sided beef with an 11 year old I have never had a conversation with. well he’s 12 now bc this happened a year ago. but this literal child beat me out for the male lead in legally blonde jr and i will never forgive him. Sure, you can excuse him not knowing his lines or music on him being 11, but when i was 11 i had most of Hamilton memorized!! girl if you’re gonna be auditioning for Emmett make sure you know your damn lines… besides, I did so well in my audition (not the dancing but Emmett doesn’t dance) and that kid couldn’t sing on-key to save his life. It was so awkward watching the poor girl playing Elle cover for him when he stood in silence for 16 bars during chip on your shoulder. And it wasn’t because im too old and they wanted a kid to have a chance, because who did they cast as Regina George earlier that summer? MY FRIEND, A YEAR OLDER THAN ME. It wasn’t about vocal range, because they pitched it up for the prepubescent children playing all the male roles! They cast me as fucking Winthrop. You don’t fucking know who that is. Well, he’s the head admissions officer at Harvard, and he has no solo singing. 8 bars of dancing total. I wasn’t even in the only ensemble number I had the chance to be in because they weren’t going to make me quick change for that. I will literally never stop being mad about this

[floridaboiler]

Texas Chili Contest

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a chili cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio city park. The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who has visited from Springfield IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judges table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge 3)

Chili #1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili

Judge #1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge #2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge #3 -- (Frank) What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint on my driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!

Chili #2 Austin's Afterburner Chili

Judge #1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge #2 -- Exiting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge #3 -- Keep this out of reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili #3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge #1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge #2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge #3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my back bone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all the beer…

Chili #4 Dave's Black Magic

Judge #1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge #2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili. Judge #3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb woman is starting to look HOT…just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili #5 Lisa’s Legal Lip Remover

Judge #1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge #2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge #3 – My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off may forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili #6 Pam’s Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge #1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge #2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge #3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous sulphuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

Chili #7 Carla’s Screaming Sensation Chili

Judge #1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge #2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last minute. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge #3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are filled with lave to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing; it’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili #8 Karen’s Toenail Curling Chili

Judge #1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge #2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to REALLY hot chili.

[saika077]

I made this tier list of where I'd put r:1999 playable characters in twst kind of like in the twst manga as the MC a while ago and here's some interactions I thought of:

(While making this tier list, I realized that a lot of these characters are way too op for this verse and could 100% end the story earlier than it needs to.)

Some of the adults are hired as a faculty member in their respective AUs while being Grim's guardian.

Book 1 is mostly filled with children who are full of joy whimsy and wonder. Something Riddle probably lacked growing up.

I feel like Sotheby and Sonetto could memorize the entirety of the Queen of Heart's rules. Sonetto would try her hardest to make sense of it while Sotheby would be like "oh! That completely makes sense!"

Regulus immediately getting "Of with Your Head"ed.

Cater and TTT would share so many gossip together.

Book 2 is half filled with people who I think would be very much interested in participating in the tournament, thus accepting Crowley's offer to investigate the recent incident.

Lowkey Book 2 is pretty much your typical situation Matilda would find herself in.

Desert Flannel and Ruggie would either be friends or have beef with each other since both of them are 17 year old parentless broke mfs who was raised by their grandma, constantly on that grindset. Also I'd like to see Ruggie getting drop kicked by an ostrich when they were chasing him in this au.

Mondlicht would try to kill Jack every single day without any success.

Book 3 is mostly filled with people who I think can outsmart Azul and/or scam him back. That and people who have connections to the ocean.

Literally what's stopping Pavia from stealing the contracts when he can move and hide in the shadows?

Melania could probably come up with a better plan to steal that picture than walking through the front door and immediately getting ambushed.

I want Lisa and Louise to do what they did to Pandora Wilson in their interview to Azul when he tries to make a deal with them. Instant Win.

I know I put Tuesday in Book 7, but imagine her and the baby getting evicted from the ramshackle dorm and was like "y'all would do that to a single mother and her baby...?" And the twins are like "heh.... Sorry.... Azul's orders..." Or some shit like that but that night they stayed up contemplating their life choices bc damn... They fr did that to a poor single mom and her baby... (Even funnier if you consider the hc that Floyd is a mama's boy.)

I put Oliver in book 3 specifically for the capitalist vs union worker thing.

Book 4 is mostly people who I think could be a tutor for the Scarabia students. "Oh, your dorm is staying over the winter breaks to study? I can help with that."

Kalim and Yenisei could bond over their respective water magic.

Mercuria would meet Jamil and just know his vibes are off. I just know she'd immediately know what's going on.

Book 5 is pretty much filled with people who knows a thing or to about stage performance (J is canonically good at acting btw).

Epel🤝Ezra canonically pretty enough to get mistaken as a girl except one of them has a more fragile masculinity than the other.

I just found out about this the other day but apparently J's en va also voiced Vil in a fandub project

Deuce and Epel in J's au:

Books 6 are mostly Laplace people (for obvious reasons)

Then there's 6 who is basically Idia if the stuff that happened to him happen when he's older and grew up without internet access

Book 7 are some of the people who I feel like could solo Malleus.

The way that Barbara's arcane skill is like Silver's UM but better. Bro lost to a 12 year old.

The way Sebek can't call J, Satsuki, Pavia and Jiu Niangzi "HUMAN!" bc like him, they're also only human and that'd be hypocritical for him. Also Barbara for more reason than one.

Kakania giving these kids free therapy session.

In Pickles' AU Ace would make fun of Deuce for not being smarter than a dog

There's a rumor going around about a new school nurse with a fascination for teeth especially beastfolk's.

Deuce would be extra extra mindful around Tuesday.

I feel like Jade would get along with Ezra (bc of their shared interest in mushrooms) and Tuesday (for their shared interest in finding out people's weakness and fears)

Speaking of, imagine the first years being tasked with babysitting Tuesday's baby and they're shocked to see the baby for the first time. Ace was the first one who spoke up saying "lmao it looks like you Sebek."

I think these people would assume that Ortho is an Awakened when they first met him and after Book 6 where he's like "I'm finally a real living boy!" They'd be like "you weren't alive this whole time???"

[wosieposiecozy]

Finally got the balls to post this

Candybats rambles and HC and individual stuff. Turning these freaks into OCs fr

🦇🎀 Rambles under the cut bc talk of mental health, also note pink text is for things that are more personal to me/ based off my life. I project onto these freaks a whole lot, especially streber! The pink text range from silly to not so silly 🎀🦇

Enjoy!!!

-kevin is a nerd/freak, no way he's friends with Radford and isn't a nerd, bro def has a fixation on sonic the hedgehog but only owns 06 (he borrows other games from rad)

- streber is not an engineer but a theater prop maker, he enjoys the stage and probably was in a robotics club in college but engineering/ robotics was not something he wanted to go into directly. He dose prop commissions and is a teacher assistant at an elementary school.

-streber is great at math and calculations, but my boy can't read/spell well.

- streber likes to fidget with Kevin's hands

-kevin likes to just flop on top of streber. Streber likes the pressure. Kevin's like a cold weighted blanket, and streber is a heating pad.

- streber struggles with depression, it's been a year since Bob and while he's doing better, he struggles with not feeling anything sometimes, he's nervous on how his response to his trauma isn't like others. He kinda pretends it didn't happen and continues on, and only really thinks about it when he's alone at night. (Based on my own experiences with grieving a lost one)

- streber has mixed feelings about people who survived Bob, he never blamed them but he's just is extremely upset he couldn't get the same treatment from that monster. He stopped going to support groups and just dose 1 on 1 therapy.

- streber lived with his parents for a while after getting out of the hospital (the rats stayed with Leon 💪) , and kinda just wanted to rot in his bed, but eventually went to some sort of support. Mainly because of fears of going to the mental hospital (yes, again,based on irl experiences)

-streber refused to talk to news outlets regarding the incident.

- he fluctuates wanting to get a prosthetic arm to not wanting to.

-kevin is on depression and anxiety meds. (Literally hc he has the same as me, bro take them everyday or else bad shit happens!!! )

- Kevin doesn't talk about work when he's not at work, it makes him pissed, mainly because the most interesting thing is skid & pump, police, teens stealing, or killers/demons

- Kevin hates work and dose experience fear of "god, what I'm if I go into day and I die" but the anxiety of having to get a new job and change his norm over powers his fear of death.

- streber bites Kevin, like just a stress and comfort thing, Kevin is okay with it. Streber kinda bites his arm sometimes

- streber and Kevin rent out apartments, they don't live together.

-streber loves his rat children. We got Socrates🐀, motor oil🐀, and Mr. Girl🐀!!

- Kevin had a love at first sight kinda thing but didn't act on his feelings, mainly because he likes to get to know people first before asking them out and bc work has him in a choke hold.

- Kevin would like a pet cat but.... Work 😔

- they met because of Radford 💪 the real hero of spooky month's 18-30 year olds 🫡.

- streber became pretty good friends with Kevin at first then he fell for him, bro just loves cringe fail men (and women). Kevin was beefing with children, no way your gonna find a better boy failure /silly

- streber disassociates during slasher films. He still loves horror and Halloween as it was his comfort growing up, but Bob left a stain that will forever haunt him.

-streber's favorite horror movies are silent & psychological horror.

- Kevin isn't a huge fan of horror movies but he appreciates "Dave made a maze" & probably "Willard", he's like " Dave just like me fr!!!" (Go watch the movie, it free on Tubi 😎)

- both can't drive, streber takes the bus, Kevin takes his bike.

-I like to think they're both touch starved.

-kevin likes physical affection and wants to give it to streber but kinda forgets how to

-streber is very big on physical affection but isn't use to it

-

- freak 4 freak

-insert Kevin is a fan of young Sheldon here-

🎀🦇 Oki rambles over 🦇🎀

If you liked it, that's kinda epic

[pleasantspark]

Antivivziepopparade or that stupid bitch star likes to accuse Chai of being all these things meanwhile she constantly demeans sex workers on anon asks and harasses people and stalks people on various accounts despite being blocked. Just look at Starlatte-Reciepts for this.

I mean if you want my opinion? Most of us in the Critic Community are hypocrites who are puritans, we call out Viv for doing the things we are currently doing. My honest Opinion is, if you're this pressed about it, then please ignore the people you despise instead of getting on your soapbox. I heard so many '

"He is a pedo because he has an opinion I dislike!"

Or

"He's a zoophile because he said he wanted to bang Shenlong from Dragon Ball Z!!11" (You know, a show that has furry characters)

I'm tired of people being pearl clutchers, no ones forcing them to interact, but most of the time, the well is dry from VivTent that they turn to the very community they have participated in, to start some wack ass beef.

Anti needs to leave Chai blocked and stop fussing about this, this is my geniune concern, when does it cross between being completely borderline obsessed to helpful. I can't even in good conciousness enjoy this community with people dedicated to the whole "ERM THIS PERSON SUPPORTS THIS THAT AND THE THIRD."

Last I checked this is Tumblr and not Twitter. If you want to cancel someone go to Twitter, because at this rate the Critical Community has the eyes of KFs and they are considering making a thread on us completely.

My opinion? Like I fucking said, stop being stalkers, stop policing the community or just don't respond to people who ask you why you don't like user, because this shit leads to false allegations, leading to you getting harassment and you crying foul whenever you're called out for this.

And hey, if someomne comes on Anon again to defend themselves, let this be known:

Expecting others to bend to your opinions and labels is harmful retoric and harms actual victims, I dislike proshipping, LoliSho and dislike Feral Furry Porn but I don't interact, I block the tags and ignore it, I don't go on my soapbox and declare "THIS PERSON IS A PEDOZOO WHOSE AT RISSSSSK OF OFFENDING!!1!!" I mean okay? If the shits contained to a private locked twitter or a private conversation between trusted adults then it's none of your business. In fact has anyone considered the children when releasing private accounts of fetish material ESPECIALLY if the CC of Hazbin has MINORS!?

You're exposing private NSFW content to the same crowd of kids you claim to protect. Again, I don't understand why people cannot keep to your own spaces, this doesn't mean block me, this means I'm dragging you into my 18+ Drama Server to hop in a Call so you can finally describe everything to me and settle this shit. This has gone long enough for it to be considered childish.

So yeah, again if you have an issue with someone join my server and I'll have a chat in a VC with them. Most calls aren't recorded due to "severity" so don't worry about recordings.

[outsidersheadcanons]

Mario Kart headcanons (modern au ig)

The Curtis Kart tournaments are legendary. They all get together once a month for a full-on competition with brackets and eliminations, but they will also just play for fun whenever they want.

Darry would be stupidly competitive, but really bad. My guy would be sweating over this children's game, but don't mention it to him. Two-Bit made fun of him once and instantly regretted it. He'd probably main King Boo because "he looks cool". From there he'd probably just try to optimize his build with rollers wheels, the biddy buggy, and paper glider. (i literally just googled peak build for king boo). He has memorized every shortcut in every map and all of the optimal routes. But even though he tries very hard, he still loses. He doesn't have a track preference, but he hates Baby Park with a passion.

Soda. Soda is THE MOST annoying person you could ever play with. He doesn't care about winning. He doesn't care about anything but making everyone else suffer. He constantly shit talks everyone, especially Darry. He doesn't really care about his character or kart, he just goes with whatever he thinks is funniest. He likes to play as any of the babies because he "is baby". He likes the prancer kart, wild wiggler, or streetle, because he finds them funny. Same thing with wheels (cushion, button, or sponge) and gliders (waddle wing or flower glider). It's just whatever Soda finds funny in the moment. He likes to pick the Baby Park track purely because everyone else hates it. (thank you to my cousins N and V for giving me inspiration, please stop picking baby park)

Pony has fun. He definitely doesn't take it as seriously as Darry, but he does try. He's a really big fan of the Zelda games, so he bases his whole build around it. Link, with the master cycle zero, ancient tires, and the paraglider. He's not a tryhard, but he wins maybe every 1 out of 5 games. He doesn't have a track preference.

Johnny is insanely good at Mario Kart. He goes completely silent while playing, with his eyes locked onto the screen. Sometimes the people who aren't playing will try to make him crack up, or stack things on top of him. He's kinda like those royal soldiers. Nothing breaks his concentration. With his build, he's similar to Pony. Johnny really likes the animal crossing games, so he goes full theme. Isabelle, with the isabelle scooter, leaf tires, and the paper glider. He'll win maybe 3 out of 5 games and is pretty much the best player.

Sometimes Soda, Pony, and Johnny make a deal to go full troll. They play as Iggy, Lemmy, and Larry respectively, with the koopa clown car, hot monster tires, and wario wing glider. Darry absolutely despises whenever they do this and refers to them as "the three fucksketeers".

Those four are the ones who mainly play, but sometimes the others join.

Two-Bit has the same strategy as Soda, meaning there is no strategy. If he's playing, Soda and Pony will rush to pick shyguy because it pisses off Two-Bit. He will then refuse to play because "shyguy is my guy. Shyguy is MY GUY." and eventually they give up and let him pick shyguy.

Cherry is actually pretty good, probably as good as Pony. She doesn't have any preferences in regard to anything, and just picks whatever she thinks is cool that day.

Dally refuses to play because "it's a game for children. Why would I play a game for children?" The one time he did play, he lost so bad that he stormed out of the house and was missing for two hours.

Steve will not play if Pony is playing. Pony will not play is Steve is playing. Their beef runs so deep that they don't need to say anything. They just hate each other that much. Because of this, Steve doesn't really play.

also im so sorry for like spam liking/reblogging ur posts

These were amazing and canon!! I love how detailed everything wasss <3 (and Steve and Pony being such haters of each other they can't play Mario Kart together??? And Dally being a sore loser??? CANON CANON CANON)

and how dare u like my posts 😡(jk jk I love to see ppl engaging with my yapping abt the outsiders ❤️❤️❤️ ty for enjoying the blog!!)

[another-delta-lover]

Yooo just saw that post about your tf2 OCs can you show them👉👈(I’m interested)

I KNOW THIS ASK IS OLD ASF BUT I PROCASTINATED TOO MUCH I'M SOSO SORRY--

Anyway- here they are!!!! I only have two :3

Erica! :3 -

She's RED!soldier's adoptive daughter!! she found her in the battlefield, lost 😔😔😔 Her family abandoned her for [reason I haven't thought of yet XD].

She's LATINA!!!!!! FROM MY COUNTRY BC I'M AN EGOCENTRIC PIECE OF SHIT. (Chilean)

After she was adopted by soldier, she trained her to be the 2nd best soldier ever!!! She wears soldier's original (OLD) clothing :) .

She's now 20 and fighting along with her mom (mtf soldier) against the BLU:3.

She doesn't like her stepmom (Zhanna) and has beef with her and RED!Heavy bc of that :( .

Her father figure is RED!Engineer :)

She doesn't like the RED!Scout bc he tries to flirt w/ her and she's a LESBIAN!!!! (After scout comes out as trans [mtf] she doesn't like her edither bc she annoying XDD).

RED!Demoman is like a cool uncle to her:) and... she knows what he has done with BLU!Soldier >:( doesn't approve it.

RED!Medic freaks the shi out of her XDD He appeared in a nightmare of hers bc he creepy asf.

She doesn't mind RED!Sniper or RED!Pyro, they hang out sometimes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matthew Brown🏳️‍🌈 -

He's everyone's lawyer (literally. All the merc's (both red n blu), blutarch's, redmond's, administrator's, and even miss pauling's lawyer XDD TF2 LOGIC STFU.)

He's rich

He's HALF BRITISH AND HALF FRENCH. (I punished him twice)

He was RED!Spy's best childhood friend, they met when they were 14-16

He had a crush on Jacques when they were young... Sadly, that crush hasn't stopped 😔😔But he in denial.

He's rich asf

He had beef with Scout's ma bc SHE STOLE HIS MAN!!!!!!! But years after hain beef w her, he helped her raising the children SPY DIDN'T TAKE CARE OF!!!!!!

He's rich

He's RED!Scout and BLU!Scout's father figure 🤙🤙🤙 (I headcanon em as twins) After they both came out as trans, he gave em all the support they needed 🤙🤙🫶🫶

Did I mention that HE'S RICH ASF.

He wears all brown clothing. A brown EXPENSIVE suit, brown EXPENSIVE pants, a light brown EXPENSIVE shirt, Golden EXPENSIVE jewelry (Earrings, rings, a watch).

He's hated by both Erica and RED!Soldier for being FRENCH!!! AND BRITISH!!!!

He hangs out with Red!Demoman and BLU!Engineer often :)

He's cunty as RED!Medic, They always flirt with eachother (jokin, ofc). He gives him all the money he needs for his weird ass experiments.

He thinks Sniper is stinky. both of em. Specially The BLU!Sniper bc he's dating BLU!Scout.

He doesn't like RED!Pyro much tehy're dating RED!Scout.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AND THAT'S ALL!!1 My ask box is open if u want to ask em stuff (u u ) I REALLY, REALLY WOULDN'T MIND!!!

[realjonahofficial]

Ruminations on boss monster SOUL power transfer and aging

So, uh. That one bit of Gerson dialogue. What did he mean by this???

Taken from Hushbugger's Undertale Dialogue Dump page on Github.

There are a few different headcanons/theories about how exactly this piece of lore should be interpreted – and, specifically, what its implications are regarding the children's growth rates in different scenarios. So, let's discuss it.

Personally, I'm REALLY not a big fan of the one that implies a boss monster whose parents die would be stuck as a child forever??? For instance, how would this theory of power transfer work with boss monster families that have 3+ children? Because like. Some couples having at least 3 children would be the only way for the population to to ever grow in size (unless we also headcanon that new boss monsters just spontaneously appear sometimes or something, which has absolutely no basis in canon lore). And by that logic, generations of this happening would eventually yield boss monsters who stop aging stupidly young. Not to mention, what about boss monster kids like Asriel, with no biological siblings? Would them getting both of their parents' SOUL power mean they go through super-puberty that turns them into double-mature adults??? So, yeah, not only would this all have pretty horrific implications regarding boss monster dating, but it'd also just be... really cursed worldbuilding that falls apart when you give it in any amount of serious thought. That's why I think it's a lot more likely that SOUL power transfer is simply that: a transfer of power.

I think Gerson's word choice is key here: "causing the child to grow" – rather than "mature", "age", or " develop" – "as the parents age" – as in, "into old age", becoming physically weaker due to giving up SOUL power.

I believe it's FAR more likely that, if a boss monster was orphaned, their growth would be stunted and their power would never reach its full potential – something more akin to malnutrition, rather than them literally being frozen in time; this would also happen, but to a lesser extent, to a boss monster who has to share their parents' SOUL power with more than one other sibling – and, inversely, a boss monster who's an only child would inherit both of their parents' power, growing far stronger than either of them separately by the time they become an adult.

This would also explain Asgore's absurdly high stats compared to Toriel's – like. ok. he has 8 times her total HP??? If we are to assume Asgore started out with similar stats to Toriel, plugging the numbers into the LV-based HP calculation formula the game uses for Frisk – 3/4 base HP + (1/4 base HP * LV) – gives us this equation: 330 + 110*LV = 3500. Solving for Asgore's hypothetical LV, then, gives us LV of roughly 29. Which might not sound that bad... until you realize the EXP required for getting to LV 19 is more than than all of the EXP it takes to get to LV 18 combined. Even assuming the EXP you get from killing just one human is equivalent to killing every monster in the Underground, while also assuming that the amount of EXP you need to level up no longer increases after you've reached LV 20 for some reason... it still wouldn't be enough to explain Asgore's dummy thicc HP bar after killing only 6 humans, if we are to assume his base HP is at all similar to that of Toriel. (Accounting for the possibility that monster history books lied, or at the very least didn't tell the full truth when stating that "not a single human SOUL was taken" during the war just leaves us with another problem: Toriel's also a veteran, and in fact seems a lot more comfortable with the idea of actively going to war as opposed to Asgore's approach of stalling for as long as possible, so if monsters actually were getting insane amounts of EXP by killing humans during the war, how come her stats are still so low? Killing even just a few humans would beef her up quite a bit; again, it's only once the numbers get higher that you see the sharp increase in EXP required to level up.)

I think Asgore was born into royalty, and Toriel married into it. Again: if a pair of boss monsters had only one child, that child would have the combined power of their 2 parents – now, let's suppose a family decided to do that for many generations.... with each new kid in such a family, the base power of the resulting offspring would grow more and more and more, wouldn't it? Perhaps one such family also has the means and prestige that allows them to easily find suitably strong partners for their kids, further increasing the rate at which the family's power would grow. (Also, the idea of Toriel originally being a commoner is further reinforced by the fact that the surname "Dreemurr" is confirmed to come from Asgore's side and, at least as far as we know, Toriel just... doesn't have her own surname, as she switches to just going by "Toriel" after the two break up. Given that we only have about 3 examples of surnames within the Entirety Of The Underground, it appears that family names just aren't really a thing used within monster society, unless said family is really notable in some way).

...I may or may not be overthinking boss monster biology.