#014. the entangled lines of fate — threads

[hxlfsoul]

@blazc-ignitixn​

HE DIDN’T PARTICULARLY LIKE LIVING UNDER CONSTANT WATCH FROM HEROES, but at least Aizawa was nice enough to leave Shoto alone when he requested it, even if he wasn’t meant to leave him without some sort of surveillance in order to make sure he wasn’t scheming or stealing information — the fact of it being that some people believe his agreement to rehabilitation was some sort of act, a ploy to steal information, despite everything he’d gone through.

When it came to being watched, Toya was the person he liked being around least, regardless of their relation. Perhaps, after all, it was the fact Toya reminded him of his time spent with his father — not because he was similar to Enji, he never could be, but because he reminded him so much of his mother that sometimes it hurt to even look at his brother.

Toya was kind & gentle & happy in all the ways Rei used to be, in all the ways he remembered her, in all the ways she could have been — & if Shoto didn’t hate that, he wasn’t sure what it was he was feeling.

❝You know, just because I’m banned from using sharp objects, it doesn’t mean I can’t butter my own bread.❞ He huffed out, glowering at the offending party & the knife he’d taken off him as Shoto had been trying to make himself a sandwich. Aizawa would let him use butter knives, regardless of the consequences, & while he knew his brother wanted to keep him out of trouble, it was starting to get frustrating —  the amount of people that thought a butter knife classed as sharp, that was. ❝I can make my own sandwiches.❞

[hxlfsoul]

@unsuccesscr​

SOMETIMES IT HURT TO SEE IZUKU — not his Izuku, no, this was someone else, the mirror image of the person he adored & he wasn’t sure whether he adored it or wanted to curse his very name. Izuku  — Ikuno, the mirror calls him, not the Izuku he loved & adored, but Ikuno, a boy of many faces who had lied to him about who he was & that tore him up inside, left him angry & afraid & nothing other than broken —was not kind, was not caring & had never treated Shoto with anything other than with a dismissive annoyance, as if he were the scourge of the world, as if he’d only ever bothered him.

❝You’re very different to him.❞ The words are quiet but they rattle him the same & there is despair on his face, haunting his soul & those eyes look like they’ve seen the ghosts of a past he never wanted to know. He wondered how he had managed to fall so deeply for the lies of a boy he barely knew back then, how he’d managed to fall so deeply for the person he’d become as he grew into something cold & cruel — even as he turned into a monster, Shoto had adored him & realising that everything was a lie had hurt more than anything else he could ever have experienced.

( they want to flee, want to scream. they want to go running back from red & white into the embrace of emerald green & fake promises. they want to go back to loving but they cannot, will not, for all they loved was not true & the mirror boy is only more evidence of their own stupidity. )

❝You seem to care for people, I suppose, or maybe you don’t... I can’t tell. I couldn’t tell with him, either.❞ It had always been difficult with Ikuno. He could never tell when the other had been upset, had been anything but angry & it had killed him, had eaten up at him until he was nothing but an empty shell vying for attention that would never be his, love he could never receive.

❝It makes me wonder if he’s anything like you, deep down — if he was ever capable of love, of any emotion.❞ It was all he’d ever wanted, to be adored by the object of his affections.

( they had always tried to be there for the liar, but they had never succeeded, for he had never wanted them & he could never be as kind as the boy they found in the mirror. )  

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @floatiisms​

HE WASN’T QUITE SURE WHAT HAD HAPPENED HIMSELF — however, if he had to hazard a guess, it would be that either he, Midoriya or Bakugo had knocked some rocks from a building over to her during their training in one of the training cities & it had hit her. Something completely accidental, but the consequences of such a thing were disastrous & he was sure if it had been one of them, there would be a lecture in store later.

❝You got hit with a bit of concrete from one of the buildings.❞ His response was both simple & complex, leaving much to the imagination on how it was managed while answering the question in full. ❝I’m not sure who actually knocked it down, but I’m assuming it was likely Bakugo or I. I apologise.❞

( i’ll be more careful next time. )

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @hypocritehero​

HIMI SHOTO HAD SPENT HIS ENTIRE LIFE LIVING UNDER THE IDEAL THAT HE SHOULD BE SEEN BUT NEVER HEARD, silent to a fault even around others. When he did speak, his voice sounded scratchy & was never much louder than a whisper — never heard, rarely listened to, it was no different now than it had always been & he was quick to make an effort not to disturb people at U.A. He wasn’t even meant to be there, after all, barely managing to escape homeschooling by applying behind his father’s back & it had ended up with him being disowned, living with his older sister after she moved out.

( quirkless people aren’t people, shoto, his father once told him. you are not a person, not to anyone else. )

That was the version of a hero he had always known & he’d been surprised to even be accepted to U.A, a school with many hero staff members, considering his status as quirkless — after all, if the number two hero thought that of him simply due to his lack of a quirk, shouldn’t everyone else? 

His content few months at school had come to a startling halt eventually. Upon moving into the dorms, it had been harder to hide his status & he spent a good chunk of time evading his classmates & other students. However, today he hadn’t quite managed that, having accidentally barelled into someone from the hero course while trying to stay out of sight, falling in front of the other student & dropping the folders in his hands. Panic-stricken stare aimed at the green-haired boy as he looked up, attempting to collect his things & choke out an apology to no avail, giving up rather quickly and leaving his things strewn across the floor as he frantically gestured his apologies instead.

He recognised the other, of course, from the sports festival. Midoriya Izuku of Class 1-A — a class he’d heard little good about, full of troublemakers & with someone described as rather loud & unkind in it. He wasn’t quite sure who others complained about when they mentioned attitude, but it wasn’t safe to assume that just because Midoriya didn’t look like a cruel person, he wouldn’t be. He bit his lip, lowering his hands & gathering his things before standing, head down as he awaited the lecture & shouting he was sure to be given.

( couldn’t you just stay out of the way for two seconds, shoto? idiot. )

[hxlfsoul]

@narrationis​

EVERYTHING SLIPPED THROUGH HIS FINGERS. There had been so many times he had been simply a touch away from something he wished for — from Toya the day he left, from freedom while he still lived with his mother & from falling apart under the weight of his own emotions, weighing heavy on his shoulders & his heart & his mind, when love would never be returned & he fought for it regardless because that was what it meant to adore.

Love was not his, it did not exist for him & he was starting to wonder if it ever would, for he had loved & loved & loved but all he had done was lose & it hurt, it was like knives in his heart whenever Izuku would reject his affections & his care & anything Shoto attempted to offer him. He knew, of course, that perhaps he shouldn’t push him, shouldn’t reach & reach for something that didn’t belong to him, but he wanted Izuku, wanted everything he had.

( they would rip his heart out only to hold it, they would destroy him only to rebuild. they were too merciful to dare try to hurt him, but that didn’t mean shoto didn’t want to try & perhaps they loved too much, to show care to someone who could feel nothing but anger. )

❝Izuku. Is there anything I can do to be helpful today?❞ The smile stretched across his face is joyful yet it isn’t quite genuine, melancholy tinting the edges of his usual expression as he reached out, not daring to hold his hands yet he held his own out, hoping that perhaps Izuku would take them for once & allow Shoto to have that small bit of affection. However, he knew if Izuku dared give him an inch then he’d take a mile & perhaps that was why the other never allowed him to be close, because he knew he would push boundaries until something broke, whether it was his heart or Izuku’s fingers.

❝If you need anyone taking care of, just let me know, or I could go & get you some breakfast or I could carry your books...❞ Perhaps he was being overeager & that was why Izuku pushed him away time & time again until there was no time left, only seconds falling from his fingertips as he ran out of time & like the sand of an hourglass, it would all fade away eventually until there was nothing left of Shoto but glass.

( they wanted to walk by his side for the rest of their life, but that was not for them, that was not what they were allowed — even so, shoto would let izuku ruin them if it meant that, just for a moment, he would be allowed his touch. )

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @unsuccesscr​

THE HERO COURSE WAS FULL OF ALL TYPES OF TALENT & SHOTO WAS HIGHLY AWARE OF THAT, but he had never expected there to be a quirkless student in the hero course — it was unsurprising that he didn’t find this out until after the sports festival, having not been a participant out of fear others may find out of his own lack of quirk. It wasn’t particularly shocking that Midoriya Izuku quickly became someone he admired & a hero Shoto was sure could be trusted.

Even with all of the bad luck that seemed to befall Class 1-A, Shoto was simply astounded by the idea of a quirkless hero, by the idea that perhaps his father had been wrong, & while he never had worked up the courage to speak to Midoriya Izuku, Shoto had found himself skipping class to watch 1-A train from a distance when he was able to, always careful to stay out of sight & never close enough to risk any injury.

Today was another day of watching them all, sitting in a tree a slight distance from the class & hoping he didn’t end up getting noticed, not wanting to cause any problems & afraid of getting in trouble from Aizawa, someone he knew had a reputation for being rather strict with students — the man’s own, at least, Shoto wasn’t sure if he’d be as strict or even less lenient with a general studies student hanging around when he should be in classes.

❝Cool.❞ He mumbled to himself, moving from his position to stand instead, clinging to the tree trunk & leaning forward as far as possible without falling, eyes fixated on the current sparring match, even if he couldn’t quite see which students were involved in it. Either way, the entire class must be full of interesting people if someone like Midoriya was in it.

[hxlfsoul]

@iceablaze

AIICHI RECALLED GROWING UP IN A LOVELESS HOUSEHOLD.

In a place where words were forbidden & affection was treated as a criminal offence, even when it was simply a hug or a hand on the shoulder of his twin, it was instilled into him at a young age that it wasn’t alright to treat others with gentle kindness & love. What did they know of love, however? Was love in the way he held his brother & promised to keep him safe? Was love in the way he let Shoto leave him behind, knowing his brother would be happier if he wasn’t in the picture as it lessened the risk of being caught?

Aiichi knew what love was — love was a sacrifice & it was one he’d made his entire life.

There was love in the way he smiled at his classmates & politely declined requests to spend time together, not wanting to get close because there was love in the way people abandoned him — Toya, Shoto... Why should he ever get close if all they planned to do was leave the moment Aiichi let them in? Why should he love when all love did was cause him pain?

Yet, Todoroki Aiichi could not find it within him to be a loveless person — it was evident in the way he cared for others, in the ways he tried to cheer everyone up no matter what happened & in the way he gave his soul over & over again as he attempted to keep everyone safe. It was in the way he was a protector that he could not find it in himself to be heartless — he wasn’t, however, a warm person by any means, always keeping his distance.

Aiichi recalled growing up in a loveless household with a loveless father & a loving mother who wasn’t quite there — & sometimes he wished he hadn’t grown up to have so much love in his heart. He wished he hadn’t been hurt by his care for other people, wished it didn’t tear him apart day-by-day as he let himself lose everything he was.

❝Nii-san would like the flowers.❞ He murmured, no more than a passing thought & he wondered if someday, he would be able to show his brother all the wonders of the world — the vibrancy of the sky & the gentleness of the clouds & the vibrancy of daffodil in spring. However, he was sure Shoto viewed the world so differently to him, whether due to their differing experiences as children or the fact his brother was free to experience the world as he wished regardless of whether Aiichi ever would be.

( you will be my successor now. his father had demanded, not even two days after his brother left — aiichi remembered telling him to go, saying he’d see him again, but now he wonders if he should have begged him to stay. he doesn’t dwell on such heartless thoughts — how could he ever wish for the other to stay where it was unsafe simply to protect him? aiichi was the one who protected, not shoto, it was his job to keep his twin safe — & instead, he simply nods, accepts his fate as it is. as you wish, he murmured, voice quiet & soft & he knows he will soon enough have anything gentle pulled from his heart through his throat via his father’s cruelty. )

Sometimes, he would see Shoto in the colours of red & white flowers — salvia & roses & camilla flowers with varying meanings & Aiichi wishes he could share every single one of them with his brother, wishes he could tell him about forget-me-nots & memories or yellow roses & friendship rather than spending his days with his thoughts absorbed by pink carnations & missing people & the way everyone he had ever cared for was unforgettable in their own small ways, even if it hurt Aiichi every time he lost them.

One day, he’d share every word he ever thought with Shoto — even if he didn’t know where to find him, even if he’d yet to see his brother since he disappeared.

He’d wait for him in the flower garden, not too far from school, & maybe one day Shoto would show up & Aiichi would no longer see carnations but daffodils in bloom — until he was no longer filled with longing for his brother, but with knowledge of the new beginnings they both deserved.

( he’d wait until there was nothing left & his fingertips were stained red with his own blood. he’d wait there until the day he died, even if his brother was gone forever, his memory wouldn’t die until aiichi did. )

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @desiredbravery​

THE MESSAGE OF THE SONG SOUNDED INTERESTING & WHILE SHOTO WANTED TO QUESTION KIRISHIMA ABOUT IT MORE, he decided not to —instead, he remained silent while the other spoke, intently listening to each word delivered. When his classmate — or perhaps they were friends, he was unsure & he was nowhere near bold enough to ask about that with the knowledge his lack of understanding may be perceived as an insult rather than his clueless attitude to social situations — fell quiet, Shoto hummed, hoping it wasn’t out of line to finally reply as he opened his mouth to speak.

Voice quiet, but not particularly soft — it held the typical monotone albeit slightly more emotional than it might have been should this conversation have been taking place several months prior. He was quick while talking, just in case the other had only meant to pause for a moment

— ❝It’s a good message. Moving on is better for you in the long run.❞ & Shoto knew that, knew holding onto anger & resentment & grudges was unhealthy & ended up destroying most chances at friendship & if his classmates weren’t so forgiving & kind, he was sure he’d have remained alone & isolated to stew in his negativity for the rest of high school & perhaps even the rest of his life.

[hxlfsoul]

@animabenevolus​

MEETING NATSUO FELT WEIRD, considering Shoto had never exactly known his older brother & had no idea of how to interact with him — it wasn’t as if he’d have had much of an idea of how to talk even if they’d met much earlier in Shoto’s life, even if he’d known of his siblings. Vaguely, they got mentioned at times, & every time one of them left home so did a piece of his hope until it was crushed after he’d realised no one would save him.

No one was going to save him & no one would know if he’d died under his father’s thumb — that knowledge, at such an early age, had shaken him, left him doing whatever his father asked because Enji hadn’t left him. No matter how poorly the man treated Shoto, he’d not abandoned him — & he felt sick, remembering how he’d fallen at his father’s feet promising to do better simply out of fear of being left to die alone.

❝You have mom’s hair colour.❞ A quiet observation, an attempt to find some comfort in the presence of a brother who was merely a stranger — he was used to being passed around people he didn’t know by now, at least. Aizawa wasn’t someone he’d known, nor were the others who watched when the man was busy — but they had taken care of them hadn’t they?

By that knowledge, Natsuo would look after him too. If Natsuo was a hero, he wouldn’t hurt Shoto — would he?

❝It’s nice to meet you...❞ He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to address the elder —  by his first name? overly familiar for a man he’d never met, regardless of their relation. by their surname? he wasn’t sure if it would be a pleasant way to, considering how it reminded him only of his father & nothing good could come of that. 

He wasn’t sure if this was even a good idea, meeting him, but it hadn’t been Shoto’s own choice to — it never was. They needed someone to watch him & Natsuo had offered to do so when asked, which left Shoto stuck with the other until Aizawa returned to take him home.

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @heroicalling

HIS EXPRESSION WAS STONY & A FROWN WAS PRESENT WHICH DIDN’T SEEM TO BE VANISHING FROM HIS FACE ANY TIME SOON, especially considering Midoriya’s less than satisfactory answer & halfhearted apology lacking the promise he’d be more vigilant & careful in future, or even any notion of regret for his chosen course of action which was rather ineffective as a measure of protection in the first place. Claiming it wouldn’t happen again simply meant Midoriya would try to be less injured next time he did such a stunt, Shoto knew him that well at least.

❝Midoriya, do you really want to be a hero?❞ He murmured, owlish eyes staring at the other with something akin to curiosity & a hint of disdain, albeit for his actions rather than for his friend. Midoriya was always talking about being a hero happily, always doing everything he could to get better in class, yet he was still reckless & still lacked any sense of self-preservation.

❝Answer me with that honestly, because sometimes I don’t think you do. After all, how can you become a hero if you’re not alive to do so or if you end up severely injured with too much permanent damage?❞ He continued, not daring to look at him any longer & averting his gaze to the ground instead, not wanting to see the inevitable anger that was sure to show nor hear whatever cruel words may be gifted in response for insulting him like this.

          ❝You can’t help people if you’re dead & buried. You know that, right?❞

[hxlfsoul]

@rnultimuse​

THERE WAS NOTHING BUT HAUNTED EYES IN THIS PLACE — he could see it in the way they all tiptoed around him, as if his smile were so fragile it would fall apart at the slightest touch & he wonders what their Shoto was like. If he was fragile enough to fade away or if he was much like the people he knew: cold & calculating & cruel, hiding their softness behind shards of glass primed to hurt, weapons of destruction that did not attempt to lock away the monsters inside like these people did.

❝You’re very different to who I’m used.❞ It is a quiet comment as he gazes at Katsuki — no, Bakugo — & he isn’t sure what else to say or why he’s talking, perhaps it is the dim light of the common room in the evening when everyone else was gone. Training or sleeping or socialising — he doesn’t ask, he knows they don’t want to share anything with him, that they think he’s an impostor, an infiltrator, & on some level, he knows they’re right.

❝What was he like, your Shoto? The rest of you have little in common with the people I’m used to, so I’d assume I have next to nothing in common with him. It’s odd, though, being here. It’ll take some getting used to if I’m stuck.❞ & he would be stuck, for he didn’t even know who had swapped him with the other Shoto, who had decided he didn’t fit in so badly that they banished him to another timeline, another world, that he could never escape from  —

( it was fitting that his prison would be the one place he’d be tortured so: seeing all he loved but knowing it isn’t his to hold. he is a replacement, he knows, & they’ll cast him away like the rest — he’s sure of that. )

— he hopes the other Shoto is faring fine, that he isn’t too lonely. He hopes his Izuku doesn’t love him more.

[hxlfsoul]

@ingenxum

HE DID NOT KNOW THIS PERSON WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF HIM & SPOKE WITH THE VOICE OF A LOST LOVE. Iida Tetsuya looked as nice as ever, Fuyuki could note, & he wondered how he’d changed, when the love in his eyes had faded & all he could see was the lack of recognition that twisted his anger around deep inside & he wanted them to burn, wanted to set every person who took him away alight with nothing but his agony — it had felt like half his soul was missing, even though he had already been half of a soul. 

( fire & ice, shoto & fuyuki, destruction & creation melded into two separate beings with personalities to match & he wonders if his coldness was what took tetsuya away from him in the end, if he wasn’t kind enough to deserve him so the universe took away what little happiness he had left. )

❝Cicatrize.❞ His voice trembles under the weight of the word he had gifted his lover so long ago & he wonders if there are tears in his eyes or if he simply imagines the wetness on his cheeks — he raises a hand to wipe at nothing, staring down at it with a look that can only be described as despair for how can he not cry over someone he adored so much? Was he truly so heartless he couldn’t shed a single tear more?

The beat of his heart is an orchestra, he is privy to his own private symphony of melancholy, his own tragedy as it is written — this is a tragedy, he knows, for there is nothing but a cacophony of bells ringing in his ears & it is melancholic, it is broken & jagged & no sounds are quite the same as they spell out his death & his sadness & the life he will live without a single moment of joy left to be squeezed out of it.

❝What brings you here? I wouldn’t have thought you’d be associating with the smaller members of the organisation.❞ If he were one for socialising, Fuyuki would have seen him long ago & perhaps it would not hurt so much, to see the blankness in his eyes when he stared at him & he wonders if Tetsuya recalls anything: the white of his hair, the grey of his eyes, blankness & loneliness & colours that were easy enough to overlook — forgettable at best & he knew that because if he were so important, if he stood out more, then Tetsuya would not have forgotten him.

He holds out a hand & holds in a breath as he waits to see the other’s reaction, stares at him with a mixture of hope & uncertainty tainting his brightness, the gentle hold he once had held no longer kind but replaced with a heat that was not his to keep. ❝Kapel.❞ His own introduction is a simple word & it is quiet, as if he is speaking with shyness out of necessity rather than because he wishes to & that’s wrong, everything is wrong, but he cannot speak louder & he cannot let himself emote because he cannot fall into those pits of despair any longer.

( he is melt-water, his gentleness at least. it falls from his fingertips & rolls into the ground during the spring, it is the melting of the ice & the person he is underneath & who he could have been. it is love that falls from those eyes in the form of tears & it is love so easily stolen from him, but he does not speak of the reasoning for his name — one day, when his love returns into his arms & speaks his name, perhaps spring will finally have thawed his soul & summer will embrace him like the harshness of the winter did. )

[hxlfsoul]

@ingenxum​

THIS IS NOT THE TENYA HE KNEW & IT WAS EVIDENT, from the way he seemed genuinely concerned by Shoto’s disoriented state to the fact he was not mocking him, was not laughing at his unfortunate state & was not treating him with malice, unlike the Tenya he knew. He inhaled a deep breath, moving to push him away & glower at him, attempting to seem as threatening as he could but the smile was ever-present & it seemed he couldn’t manage to fight off his default expression for more than a moment.

❝Where am I?❞ The question was asked quietly, confusion in his voice & he did not hold back any emotion, did not allow himself to stop feeling at any point, for that was not how he was. He remembered splashes of colour — purple & blue & swirling as someone gazed at him with horror, not Izuku, never Izuku, but who else could it have been that watched him fall through?

( they don’t know where they are, don’t know who they can trust & if they dug deep enough, perhaps they could even say they have no idea who they are themselves. )

❝You seem worried, Iida-san. I don’t understand why. You & Izuku tend to enjoy torment more than anything...❞ It wasn’t as if he & Tenya were even friends, considering the other boy only ever stuck around to get in Izuku’s good graces & even then, he treated Shoto as if he deserved nothing more than to die, as if he were a waste of the air he breathed & sometimes he had to wonder if Tenya was right or if Izuku agreed.

( if izuku thought so little of them, he’d never say it, for shoto was an important asset, they had been made aware of such a fact, & that only ever dug the knife further into their heart. )

❝Is Izuku-kun around? We were meant to meet for lunch.❞

[hxlfsoul]

@amistilluseless​

THIS WAS NOT HIS FAMILY & THIS WAS NOT HIS HOME.

It was odd, how these people could seem to get along so well — if the fact no one was dead yet had anything to say, but then again, they’d yet to formally acknowledge Shoto’s existence with anything more than a look of scorn from Dabi, who did not seem pleased at his presence in the slightest & he couldn’t blame him. He’d left the person he used to be behind for a reason, it was likely he was simply a reminder of a past Dabi didn’t want to be burdened with.

He was silent, not daring to speak out of turn, simply tightening the sheath of his sword where it was around his waist, making sure that it wouldn’t fall & attempting to ignore the numbness in his fingers & the way they twitched & trembled without his consent, eyes narrowed as he stared down at his own hands, lips curved downward into a frown & hair covering his left eye, the rest of them barely visible through it — it was how he wanted it, to keep the eye he had been given by his father invisible, to stop people from seeing the scar that adorned his face, the hatred of a mother, & to prevent pity he did not want, pity he did not need.

This was not his family & this was not his home — it wasn’t supposed to be, not now, but if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that it never would be: he’d make sure of that. However, at least he was more mature than the adults in the room, as evidenced by the squabbling between Dabi & Shigaraki, at which he raised his head to stare at them with a dead look in his eye, pulling his sword from its sheath & dragging it along the ground as he headed back toward the door, not caring about the noise, after all  —

( they don’t have the same interests i do, he wants to say to someone, but there is no one to speak to. they are childish, they lack conviction. they want the glory, they want the danger, they simply want revenge: such pathetic notions. they do not understand the same as i do that the world could never be made for them, they will die. he wishes he could dare say it to their faces, but he had no death wish, not at current. )

— & he speaks, his voice holding a lilt of sharpness, head turning to them from where he stood in the doorway, looking back with the same lack of emotion & despite the way his hands trembled as if he were afraid, Shoto stood tall, not daring to look at the ground as he turned around, lifting his sword so it pressed into the ground, no longer held at an angle.

❝I’ll take my leave. You’ve nothing to offer me, that much is evident. I have better things to do than waste my time with delinquents.❞ His eyes do not close, he does not dare blink as he turns away once more, walking out of the door & right into someone, sending him falling to the ground & his sword several centimetres away, his hands quick to scramble for it before he even thinks of getting up —

( stupid shoto, aren’t you stupid? you never watch where you’re going, you only r u n a w a y. )

—  & his vision is filled with vignettes of emeralds, glinting in the dim light of the bar, which does not even give him justice, & he simply laid there, staring up at the other with a look of confusion etched into his face, as if he could barely fathom what exactly had just happened, as if it were much too quick for him to understand  —

( he wishes he had seen green like this before. he has seen many colours: red & white & blue & grey & purple & pink & every colour there ever was, but never has he seen such a vibrant green outside of nature, never before has he seen someone like him. )

—  & perhaps it was.

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @maskedmuses

HE WAS NEAR SILENT AS SHE SPOKE, electing to listen to her every word as she recounted her own feelings & experiences. He couldn’t help but think it silly, for her to hate herself over something so small, for her to find herself useless when she was anything but, even earlier in life. ❝I think you made their lives easier already, Uraraka. Having someone to take care of, it’s... not easy, no, but when they were stressed, knowing they had someone to go home to, to spend time with... I think being cared for by you & caring for you, that made their lives easier.❞

Life was supposed to be easy when people had someone to live for & a purpose, something to become that they had a passion for, that would be helpful to people. Yet, Shoto knew it wasn’t that simple, knew that sometimes no amount of happiness could repair the breaks in people & no amount of care could seal the cracks.

❝Sometimes, when I think of how everyone seems to happy... It hurts, I suppose. I like to see everyone smile, but it just reminds me of how much pain I’ve brought everyone in my life, you see?❞ It was a bold statement to make, he was aware of that, but it was true. His siblings resented him to an extent, he was sure, because they’d never had attention like he had & his mother once hated him too. Even with his friends, all he did was hurt them & bring pain, destroy them with scars & yell at them, angry words born of passion that he would always grow to regret.

❝I’ve never been enough for the people in my life, not like the rest of you... To my father, I’m nothing but a tool to win a petty one-sided rivalry, born to be the best just because he couldn’t. To my mother & to my siblings, I’m just a reminder of him.❞ His words were quiet, not so much cold as they were upset, his sadness evident as he summarised his own feelings & the feelings of those around him.

❝Even now, I can’t make people happy because I don’t know how. All I ever do is get people hurt & bring them bad luck. I’m not enough for people & every day I become more aware of that & I hate it. I just... All I want is to be good enough, but I don’t know how to be. How do I make people happy when I don’t even know what happiness is, Uraraka?❞

                                        ( am i so cold that they can’t smile because of me? )   

[hxlfsoul]

@entangledheroes​ / Bakugo Katsuki

SOMETIMES SHOTO HATED HIS CLASSMATES.

In specific, he disliked the days he had classes with the gryffindors, considering how rowdy most of them could get — it didn’t seem to matter that they were fifth years at this point, some members of their class were always eager to interrupt & make a fool of themselves. Although, it was somewhat hilarious to him that Bakugo, who was notorious for being loud, was particularly quiet during class, but it could be assumed he simply didn’t want to get suspended or expelled, considering he seemed to take his studies seriously.

It was one of the many things Shoto didn’t understand about the blond & if he were to be honest, sometimes he wished he knew more.

It was no surprise, however, that Shoto had chosen to sit next to him for the year & therefore, he had the perfect chance to figure the other out & what he was attempting to achieve — no one who was as loud as Bakugo would ever be quite so silent without some sort of ulterior motive & Shoto wanted to figure out what it was.

( if he’ll even talk to you. everyone knows who you are — why wouldn’t he? )

❝You’re pretty quiet, Bakugo.❞ He uttered after a few moments of deliberation, voice holding little to no emotion & he wasn’t even sure if anyone would be able to detect the tint of curiosity that he’d let leak into his tone unwillingly or the way Shoto’s voice held less bite than usual when typically it sounded as if winter was speaking from his mouth. ❝Outside of class, you’re pretty loud, yet you’re being very quiet... Why’s that?❞