#041. the sirens sound / just before the walls break down — bakugo katsuki

[hxlfsoul]

@kibouhero @bakusplosions - thread name: AM I JUST A GHOST IN MY OWN MACHINE?

SHOTO HAD ALWAYS DONE HIS BEST TO WIN THE APPROVAL OF THE LEAGUE, regardless of which member, but he had always been most desperate to receive any type of attention from Izuku, positive or negative. That was why he hadn’t thought twice when he came across Katsuki Bakugo, quick to engage in combat & use his quirk to knock him out by quickly raising & then dropping his body temperature, dragging him back to headquarters.

The room itself wasn’t much. Four white walls with a bed, the blond chained to it & quirk suppressed, an easy job. By the bed was a few chairs & a table, covered with the equipment Izuku often used to torture people — from what he’d washed up for him, at least. Shoto was never allowed to witness Izuku hurt people, never allowed to hear it, confined to his bedroom by the other’s orders. Not a witness, never afraid, never restrained — it was for his own good, he knew that much, because Izuku was aware of what he’d been through, was aware of the monsters who had stolen away his childhood & his dreams & his happiness.

His only mistake, in the end, was taking a seat & falling asleep after sending Izuku a text, head on Bakugo’s legs. It wouldn’t have been a mistake, at least, if he hadn’t awoken to Izuku’s voice & the blond’s thrashing, an incoherent mumble leaving his mouth as he moved over to Izuku instead, sitting on the ground & wrapping his arms around the green-haired boy’s legs, resting against him as he attempted to fall back into that dreamless sleep.

❝What’s going on, ‘zuku...?❞ A quiet question, eyes opening & looking up at the person in question, half-lidded & sleepy & confused all at once. It wasn’t unusual, not when Shoto struggled to sleep most days & took a while to fully wake himself from his slumber. ❝’s loud... want earmuffs...❞

( it was always loud back then. loud yelling as he trained with his father, his own loud screaming as knives dug into his skin again & again & again, until he couldn’t handle the sound of his own voice for months. loud was always bad & it was something he had always tried to avoid since he was gifted to izuku as a pet of some sort by all for one, a fact that never failed to piss him off. )   

[hxlfsoul]

@rnultimuse​

THERE WAS NOTHING BUT HAUNTED EYES IN THIS PLACE — he could see it in the way they all tiptoed around him, as if his smile were so fragile it would fall apart at the slightest touch & he wonders what their Shoto was like. If he was fragile enough to fade away or if he was much like the people he knew: cold & calculating & cruel, hiding their softness behind shards of glass primed to hurt, weapons of destruction that did not attempt to lock away the monsters inside like these people did.

❝You’re very different to who I’m used.❞ It is a quiet comment as he gazes at Katsuki — no, Bakugo — & he isn’t sure what else to say or why he’s talking, perhaps it is the dim light of the common room in the evening when everyone else was gone. Training or sleeping or socialising — he doesn’t ask, he knows they don’t want to share anything with him, that they think he’s an impostor, an infiltrator, & on some level, he knows they’re right.

❝What was he like, your Shoto? The rest of you have little in common with the people I’m used to, so I’d assume I have next to nothing in common with him. It’s odd, though, being here. It’ll take some getting used to if I’m stuck.❞ & he would be stuck, for he didn’t even know who had swapped him with the other Shoto, who had decided he didn’t fit in so badly that they banished him to another timeline, another world, that he could never escape from  —

( it was fitting that his prison would be the one place he’d be tortured so: seeing all he loved but knowing it isn’t his to hold. he is a replacement, he knows, & they’ll cast him away like the rest — he’s sure of that. )

— he hopes the other Shoto is faring fine, that he isn’t too lonely. He hopes his Izuku doesn’t love him more.

[hxlfsoul]

@entangledheroes​ / Bakugo Katsuki

SOMETIMES SHOTO HATED HIS CLASSMATES.

In specific, he disliked the days he had classes with the gryffindors, considering how rowdy most of them could get — it didn’t seem to matter that they were fifth years at this point, some members of their class were always eager to interrupt & make a fool of themselves. Although, it was somewhat hilarious to him that Bakugo, who was notorious for being loud, was particularly quiet during class, but it could be assumed he simply didn’t want to get suspended or expelled, considering he seemed to take his studies seriously.

It was one of the many things Shoto didn’t understand about the blond & if he were to be honest, sometimes he wished he knew more.

It was no surprise, however, that Shoto had chosen to sit next to him for the year & therefore, he had the perfect chance to figure the other out & what he was attempting to achieve — no one who was as loud as Bakugo would ever be quite so silent without some sort of ulterior motive & Shoto wanted to figure out what it was.

( if he’ll even talk to you. everyone knows who you are — why wouldn’t he? )

❝You’re pretty quiet, Bakugo.❞ He uttered after a few moments of deliberation, voice holding little to no emotion & he wasn’t even sure if anyone would be able to detect the tint of curiosity that he’d let leak into his tone unwillingly or the way Shoto’s voice held less bite than usual when typically it sounded as if winter was speaking from his mouth. ❝Outside of class, you’re pretty loud, yet you’re being very quiet... Why’s that?❞

[hxlfsoul]

@bakusplosions @kibouhero

SOMETIMES WHEN SHOTO RETURNED HOME HE WAS EXHAUSTED & YEARNING JUST TO CURL UP ON THE SOFA, but it seemed that wasn’t in his fate today, seeing as both of his friends were sprawled over it, taking up as much space as humanly possible while Shoto picked up a blanket, pretty much swaying as he made his way over & in a moment of genius — or so he claimed — set the book he’d left on the coffee table on fire after picking it up, dropping it on Izuku’s laps while using the panic to kick Katsuki’s legs to the side & curl up on the sofa, head on the blond’s lap & handing him the blanket, evidently expecting to be covered.

❝I have another copy, Midoriya... You can just put that one in the sink to put it out, you know?❞ While he did feel guilty leaving his friend to clean up that mess, it wasn’t enough to give up the spot on the sofa he’d claimed, even if it was through rather underhanded tactics that he gained such a position.

           ❝What movie are we watching tonight?❞

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @bakusplosions

HE KNEW THEY BOTH THOUGHT SO LITTLE OF THEMSELVES, yet it seemed they thought so highly of each other, like a commoner speaking of a prince he had long since admired. Shoto was aware that their relationship was a matter of want and need rather than deserving, that Katsuki was not with him because Shoto deserved him but because the other reciprocated his feelings.

❝No, Katsuki... I don’t think I deserve someone as brave as you, or as kind and gentle... You can abrasive and rude, but beneath that you’re caring, you’re selfless and determined and it’s why I adore you so.❞

         ( Beneath your callous mask, that is the man I love. )

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @bakusplosions

ONE SIMPLE SENTENCE SHOULD NOT SO EASILY SHATTER HIM, yet they seemed to when spoken so cruelly by Katsuki, by someone he had loved completely and irrevocably, who he had given so much to only to realise he had been used in this terrible moment of absolute clarity in which the blond was finally honest with him. Katsuki did not love him in the ways Shoto had showed his own, not even where simple affection and friendship could exist in the void between what they’d once been and what they had, now, become.

He had not believed Katsuki could ever sink so low as to play with Shoto’s feelings, to lead him into thinking that he was adored and cherished by someone he gave nothing but devotion to for quite a while. Yet, he had been wrong, Katsuki was evidently as abhorrent as the rest of the world, seeing as he had no problem manipulating Shoto’s love as if it were no more than a game — perhaps to him, it may as well have been. 

He can’t begin to imagine how hilarious it must have been to see the famous Todoroki Shoto scramble around to spend time with him, it must have been the same as if someone had been kneeling at the blond’s feet to worship him, praise him in all sorts of ways that Shoto wished he could take back because Katsuki didn’t deserve his kindness when he was taking all he’d felt and throwing it away like a toy that was no longer of use to him.

     Perhaps Shoto had never been of use at all.

He wasn’t certain of what period of time had been taken up as he stood there, attempting to quell the shaking of his hands, although unsuccessful in such a quest. It perplexed him how Katsuki could remain so calm, as if he had done nothing worth caring for, but more than that it filled his heart with bitterness. How could he have been such a fool that he believe Katsuki ever cared for someone as battered and broken as him? 

❝... Perhaps I was, but I’ll not make that same mistake again. Goodbye, Katsuki.❞ His voice made it evident how crushed he was, filled with pain and hurt in such abundance Shoto didn’t know that he could feel, as if the world had fallen apart around him while he had done all he could to save it but it was never enough. He was never enough.

Footsteps dragged on the floor as he turned and walked away, hands coming up to hide tears springing to dual-hued eyes that were, much like his soul, cracked in a million places like a broken stained glass window that no one had cared to fix in many a year. This was goodbye, to Katsuki, to everything — love, happiness, all positivity disappearing as a vibrantly coloured world fell to nought but monotonous black and white, shades of grey between the desolation of pure darkness and white so bright that Shoto was sure he could have been dead in this moment for all he knew.

          Todoroki Shoto was a foolish man, but he would not be so careless as to                love someone with all his heart again. He wasn’t sure if he could, in the end,            for it had been broken by someone one too many times and he doubted it              could be fixed with the way it had splintered this final day.

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @galaxythixf

IF BAKUGO WAS INSISTENT ON IGNORING SHOTO’S OFFER FOR HELP, for a listening ear, then he wouldn’t bother to protest. ❝How to process emotion, perhaps. You don’t have to take me up on my offer, it’d just be nice to have a rival that didn’t have his mind clouded by his feelings.❞ Perhaps it as a cruel dig, but he knew Bakugo didn’t exactly view Shoto as a friend, if he viewed anyone in that way. 

❝I’ll just have fun winning the next time we spar, in this case. Thank you for the easy win, it’ll be a victory to be proud of, I’m sure.❞

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @bakusplosions

A QUIET LAUGH FELL FROM HIS LIPS AT KATSUKI’S WORDS. ❝Of course it’s spicy, Katsuki, would I serve it to you if it wasn’t?❞ Shoto was, after all, highly aware that his boyfriend only liked curry if it was spicy enough to burn off someone’s tongue.

                 ❝It is a present, yes. I made it specially for you.❞

[hxlfsoul]

@bakusplosions / ♡

“... Do you not want to?”

He wasn’t sure whether he’d understood wrong - Bakugo had kissed him, and Shoto had kissed back. It had been nice, to be so close to someone he cared for. However, he could assume from those words, perhaps Bakugo hadn’t wanted to kiss him, perhaps he’d simply been a last minute stand-in for who the other actually wanted to kiss.

(or maybe he had just imagined it all)

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to, but you don’t have to if you don’t- Actually, just.. forget I asked.”

[hxlfsoul]

@fragxr / @leftoverquirks

SOME DAYS WORK COULD BE EXHAUSTING, but Shoto wouldn’t give up writing for anyone, regardless of how overwhelming it could be to work with several artists. He did enjoy writing songs of varying messages for both of his closest workers, Kyoyka and Katsuki. He’d always written songs of unrequited love for Katsuki mixed with the dull anger of a childhood not quite had, of the lack of a parent’s love, and he’d heard them sung with a soulful voice and the careful intricacy they described, of difficulty and loneliness taken in stride.

For Kyoka, he did not write softer songs, but those she inspired, such as the beat of drums almost deafening and words of anguish, of sadness, of melancholic joy tainted by memories no one would want. He wrote, for her, of what it felt like to meet someone who was your entire world only to have them ripped away by the knowledge they’d never feel the same way. He wrote of constellations in her eyes and how he’d never fallen faster and he wrote of losing her as if the sky was collapsing — sometimes, he wrote like that for Katsuki, too.

He nudged open the door to their shared apartment, once his before he’d been with them, before they’d decided that this was all they needed, all they wanted. Once, maybe, it had been, for Shoto had still been learning to love with all his heart, to touch gently and to not flinch at scoldings regardless of whether they were with good intentions or fiery anger at Shoto’s idiotic actions. Most days, they were the former, and he was learning to grow out of those.

❝I’m back.❞ He called out, although his voice seemed to echo off the empty hallway walls as he made his way to the kitchen, placing down the pizza he’d purchased and making his way back to close the doors. Silence, although perhaps they weren’t back themselves or were simply in another room. ❝I brought pizza..❞

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @fragxr

QUIET FOOTSTEPS STOPPED ONCE HE WAS NEAR ENOUGH, taking a seat at the same table as Katsuki, close to him, placing the crutch he relied on against the wall. He placed a plastic container in front of the other with a fork on top, as if beckoning for Katsuki to eat something, doubting he had. A warm hand reached out to take the matches away, placing them on the table. ❝Katsuki.❞ He shook his head as he moved to take the headphones from the other, placing them by the matches. ❝I brought you some curry and rice. I didn’t know if you’d eaten yet but you get absorbed in studying a lot..❞

He wasn’t sure when their relationship had changed to be like this, to be one where Shoto did his best to help the other without pity. It wasn’t as if he felt bad for Katsuki, he knew the other could get through what was plaguing him, but sometimes Shoto felt like he should have done more, could have saved him instead of taking everything from him.

( Shoto was the one with explosion. Shoto was the one with several quirks while Katsuki had none and he felt awful for that, even if it wasn’t his choice, even if the affects of it were shown clearly on his body and by his unsure actions, as if he were a child learning to navigate the world once more. )

He knew it wasn’t much, but he hoped it was enough for Katsuki. He’d have brought more if he could hold it, but walking was starting to become hard after his first day of classes, not used enough to getting around with his leg, considering he was still learning to walk again. He’d never be able to walk unassisted, though, the doctors had made sure to tell him that after surveying the extent of nerve and tissue damage to his entire leg.

While he was starting to get a headache from overuse of Telepathy, even if he didn’t use it by choice but rather because he couldn’t turn it off, he didn’t let that deter him from attempting to talk to the other. ❝We need to talk care of each other, don’t we? So I’ll keep bringing you food whenever you’re not at dinner.❞

[hxlfsoul]

♡ / @fragxr

HE WAS QUIET FOR A MOMENT, simply staring at Katsuki as if he didn’t understand why he was questioning any of it. After all, it wasn’t often Katsuki would pay enough attention to stop his activities and interrogate Shoto on the meaning of vague sayings such as this, usually deeming his time much to important to waste on Shoto’s antics, no matter how worrying they could be.

He sighed, softly, looking down at the table as if unsure of how to respond and attempting to stall for enough time to think of an adequate response to being asked what message he was attempting to convey with such a brazen statement, considering he had confessed to questioning the fragile sanity he was sure had been chipped away at every day since he was five years old and full of life, but the fire had taken it away the same way burning water had marred his skin as a reminder of the legacy he would never be able to escape and the tool he’d been born to exist as, no more than a weapon to his father, a warrior with which he would live through time and time again, someone to be manipulated for no reason other than the fact he was the son of a hero and he lacked the ability to rid himself of such a title.

❝I meant exactly what I said, Katsuki.. I keep thinking about things and they won’t leave my mind.❞ Dark thoughts of darker days plaguing him into the early hours, disrupting what sleep he tentatively allowed himself to have only to torture him with nightmares. He would awaken in the middle of the night to fire blazing down his arms or frost on the window during the warmest nights of the summer, unable to control his own power out of fear of the monster in his dreams, taunting him about how he would be nothing but under his control. The father he’d never had simply another measure of how his mind perceived fear and anger and sadness.  

Even now he could feel it creeping at the edge of his mind, the irrational panic and anxiety that had such a tight grasp on him threatening to boil over until he was sobbing and disoriented and questioning where he was, because he couldn’t always remember why he was struggling to intake air and how he’d gotten there, even when someone was right beside him whispering sweet nothings, claiming he’d be alright even if nothing was okay and he knew it never would be so long as he lived under the same roof as the man who had never let him have a childhood.

❝I’m at my best with you.❞ He admitted, quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear more for Katsuki’s sake than his own, because Bakugo Katsuki didn’t do friends and he most certainly didn’t care for others, if Shoto remembered such claims correctly. Although, he supposed things had changed, for they were close and Shoto had never been one for the meaningless trials and tribulations of temporary friendships if only to seek a cure to the loneliness of his soul and the hollow parts of his heart.

❝Yet even now, I don’t feel as if I’m completely here... It’s like I’m myself and someone else all at once, sometimes, and like I’m watching myself on a television screen with you right beside me yet very far away... So yes, I believe I’m going insane.❞ 

If he was, then it wasn’t necessarily a surprise, either, considering his life story and the trauma he’d endured over the course of his pathetic existence.

[hxlfsoul]

« don’t try to fight back, it’ll only make things worse. » (Villain Baku)

mind control starters / accepting / @brokcnheroes

WHAT WAS THERE TO FIGHT AGAINST? He wasn’t sure what had been going on, really, simply listening to Katsuki’s voice. Fighting back would make things worse, so he wouldn’t fight against whatever the other was speaking about. There was nothing to fight against as far as Shoto was concerned, there was nothing to think about. Only Katsuki.

His eyes were dazed, staring at the other with a mix of confusion and adoration. Love. When had he loved Katsuki? He couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter when or how he’d fallen for him, of course, only that he had. He was lucky that Katsuki had let him love him, really, considering how unlovable Shoto was.

❝I won’t fight back.❞ He echoed the other’s words, voice slow, confused. When had he decided to speak? None of it mattered, though. Katsuki was there, he’d protect Shoto from whatever was going on. Vaguely, he could hear someone shout his name, as if searching for him, as Katsuki took his hand and pulled him away. 

It didn’t matter what he’d heard, Katsuki was here and that was all Shoto should care about.

[hxlfsoul]

“You’re hungry, aren’t you?” (Villain Baku to Nomu Shoto)

torture starters / accepting / @brokcnheroes

HE WANTED TO SAY NO. He’d eaten two days ago, he wasn’t particularly wanting to eat again, considering anything that wasn’t light made him feel sick and it was unpleasant at best. However, he knew this was simply a formality, not his own choice. Katsuki didn’t like it when Shoto didn’t eat, didn’t like it when Shoto claimed he didn’t want to either, especially since Shoto only ate when Katsuki made him food.

A frown accompanied the nod of his head, evidently forced. It wasn’t a declaration he was hungry, rather that he hadn’t eaten in long enough for his last meal to be dubbed a while ago rather than recently. He hated days like this, where his stomach turned at even the thought of food, but he had to do as Katsuki wanted.

If Shoto wanted to stay outside of the hospital, he had to do as he was told.

[hxlfsoul]

“Drifting off again, are you?” (Villain Baku to Sho)

torture starters / accepting / @brokcnheroes

DUAL-HUED EYES REFOCUSED AS HE WAS ADDRESSED, listless gaze moving from his hands to Katsuki, a tilt of the head offering up an explanation of uncertainty and confusing. He must have been, for the other to notice that. Katsuki always had been better at knowing when Shoto was having a bad time mentally, even if it was often, after all he’d been through in his younger years.

Lips curved into a small smile, silent laughter only evident by the slight shaking of his shoulders, momentary. It wasn’t as if the situation was funny, not in the slightest, but something about how observant Katsuki could be had amused Shoto ever since they were younger. Since everything happened. A shake of the head was his next offered response, arms held out in front of him silently requesting to be embraced. He didn’t move from the sofa, his crutches just out of reach. 

        It was nice, times like this, where Katsuki was kind to him and they weren’t              arguing over things. Their arguments were taxing for him, overuse of his quirk          providing migraines for the longest times following them. He knew it wasn’t              healthy, to argue and then make up over and over again, but Shoto had no              way of leaving even if he’d wanted to. 

Truth be told, he wasn’t sure if leaving would do either of them any good.

[hxlfsoul]

"If it's you... I don't mind you coming to see me. But you have to warn me Icyhot..." Katsuki wasn't looking at him, merely looking away to hide his expression as he appeared to glare at the wall.

random asks / accepting / @brokcnheroes

❝MY APOLOGIES. Did I scare you?❞ If he had, then he’d simply be more careful about knocking or texting beforehand. He didn’t want to startle or upset the other, especially after everything that had happened before Katsuki had to transfer classes to the gen ed department.

❝I’ll tell you next time, then. Please accept my apology, I ask for your forgiveness..❞