#.anyways. still not sure on the tying theme line so. probably going to change it.

[hidden-1n-the-sand]

two voids dont make a light/so let’s let our love consume it all

xx | Edgar Allan Poe - Collected Poems | xx | xx | Curses by The Crane Wives | Taking What’s Not Yours by TV Girl

[autisticandroids]

Seeing as you provide every interesting in depth spn analysis I'm probably coming to the wrong person for something so possibly surface level but I'm rewatching spn and would really love something to keep notes on, so is there any interesting phenomena in there you think would be worth keeping an eye on?

i received this, like, a month ago 🥴 sorry. anyway.

so, first of all. i'm flattered but i have also always been a little uncomfortable with the superlatives people attach to my name. the reason people think of me as some kind of spn scholar is a result of four factors, give or take: first, i make a lot of posts. in the year after november fifth i made something like five thousand posts. i know because i tag all my spn posts spn. and a lot of those posts were half a sentence! or an ask i answered with emojis! but it's still a lot of posts. the second reason is that i'm kind of a last man standing. a lot of the big name post-nov fifth destiel fandom crowd has kind of evaporated in search of newer, shinier things; my fascination was more enduring, so i still get the credit. the third reason has to do with like... i have slightly different tastes than the average spn fandom person and so the things i pay attention to are different and so my takes are unique. there were a lot of blogs that were bigger than me that people don't remember as much because their takes were more in line with conventional fanon (and therefore more similar to other people's and less memorable), whereas mine, because i have specific interests and am an incurable contrarian, were more unique and therefore people remembered who i was. fourth, and here we are down to the meat of the issue, i speak very authoritatively and use a lot of big words when i'm excited about something so people think i'm right.

i guess what i'm saying is don't take me so seriously.

now that my narcissism is out of the way, let's talk about themes in supernatural.

first of all, the thing about supernatural is that it has three hundred and twenty seven episodes organized into fifteen seasons, written by fifty three different writers supervised by four different showrunners and that's just the writing! that doesn't even mention directing, or acting, or producing... personally i like to say that i can feel when the story editor changes! so there really is... almost nothing you can get out of the whole show as a text that isn't incredibly broad and/or vague and/or boring. "they say family a lot" yeah they sure do. "it's a reactionary macho fantasy" like every other show from 2005. "they kill all the women" mmmmhm. like, basically every consistent element of spn as a story is a result of either classic genre cliches from the scifi or procedural or teenie bopper genres, very basic conclusions from the premise, or just the material nature of the behind the scenes of supernatural. they're going on a case instead of working on the main apocalypse of the season because this is a monster of the week show. cas has gone away again because they don't want to pay misha collins. quiet emotional scenes get dropped from the script because they don't serve the plot. and while there's some interesting things you can get out of these elements - one piece of analysis i've been thinking about a lot lately is this video about the mcu that argues that the classic serialized storytelling logic of constant escalation leads inherently to a fascist politics, and i think this point applies very well to supernatural - it only goes so far. it's interesting if you want to look at how the show exists in the wider politics of the real world. it's not that interesting if you want to sit with the show supernatural in its particular uniqueness.

so basically my recommendation, first of all, is to divide the show up into chunks. there are some obvious chunks - by season, by showrunner. most people do these. i would also recommend other methods, for example tying together some adjacent seasons. for example, even though season eleven is technically carver era and season twelve is technically dabb era, i would argue that seasons eleven and twelve have more in common in terms of tone and style than eleven has with 8/9/10 or twelve has with 13/14/15. seasons four, five, and six have a lot in common in terms of tone and themes that they don't share with seven or the first three. i would also recommend paying attention to the individual writers; their bodies of work will usually have more in common with themselves than with the episodes around them in terms of character, tone, and theme. for example, in season six, ben edlund creates a whole other arc about the angel civil war that he wants the season to have that exists only in his episodes, and none of the other writers really pick up what he's putting down so he's kind of left hanging. you can see all sorts of patterns like this if you sit down and look, and i would recommend doing that. maybe you can be the first guy to memorize all the directors and have Thoughts.

and then the next thing i would say is just... pick some themes you want to iterate on. so for example: one of my favorite themes to contemplate is a theme that season six almost has - dean believing that it is his job to protect ben and lisa, which justifies anything he might want to do to them, or anyone else.

----

man everything above that line is an ask i half answered then forgot about in july of 2023. i NEED to check my drafts more often

[dontjudgemeimawriter]

Ten Random Lines Tag

Tagged by @ceph-the-ghost-writer ty!

Rules: Pick any ten of your fics/writing projects, scroll to the midpoint, pick a line (or three) and share it. Then tag people (ten if you want to follow the theme).

Tagging: @theramwrites @puzzleddragon02 @saltysupercomputer @aether-wasteland-s @lexiklecksi and anyone else who wants to!

Okay I really only have 2 main WIPs but sure we can see snippets of some tiny things......

Second Chance I don’t even have to explain to Hayln why I am actually still alive, because it’s a null day (that really is a good name for it. On the Base we call it pre-day and post-day, in reference to when the reversal occurs). Except here’s the funny thing: Turns out, since I didn’t exist, the most natural thing to occur is for me to simply not exist for about 16 hours. When I explain to the Spirit that No, I am NOT okay with that, it says that if I really want to, we can resist that natural couse of events.

Syndicate He flashed a smile. “Morning, sleepyhead,” he said and came over, picking up mugs from the desk that I hadn’t noticed and bringing them over. He handed me one. “Got you coffee.” A string and tag on the side of his mug showed he was having tea. 

Drake Knight I look to the sky, pausing three-quarters down the alley to catch a breath and attempt to wipe some of the coffee off the front of my shirt. It’s empty for a bit, just a gray sky, but then a shadow passes over us and I see it clearly for the first time. Nothing special, the dark gray scales indicate it’s probably from the mountains. But it’s smaller than I expected. Most dragons you fight are adults, but this one isn’t much larger than an elephant. I think it is anyway, hard to tell from the flyby.

Angie & Eddie So Angie stood up and made her way to Target. Passed the cart return, the shampoo bottles, the spa day bins with images of thin women relaxing. She went down the band-aid aisle, the cold medicine aisle, the muscle relaxants. She paused, facing a wall full of pads. She’d been in a slight daze, half convincing herself this wasn’t real, but not she had to focus because where the fuck were they? God, she wasn’t going to have to ask someone, was she?

Creative Nonfiction Portfolio In my dorm, the top left dryer doesn’t work. I’ve put wet laundry inside and returned to find wet laundry. After that, I avoided that dryer for weeks, until it was the only one available so I let it run through, figuring if it didn’t work there would be an open dryer by then. Lo and behold, my laundry remained wet. Have I reported it to the conveniently posted number hanging on the laundry room wall? Nope. Everyone seems aware it’s broken, someone must’ve reported it. And ultimately, we’ll live. But, that’s just a dryer. No one’s in any danger.

Immortal Souls The rain picked up. Back home, inside, I loved rain, but now I hated it. I pulled my hood up to cover my head and swung my backpack over my shoulder, moving off the bench and under an awning of a corner store. It was the kind of building that looked like it had been passed down between different owners, none of which bothered to change the old sign. An ancient hand-painted sign that said “Collier’s” was faded and mounted above a newer, stenciled sign that said “Watkin’s Market.” A glance around told me that Watkin’s was the name of the street, so, definitely not the most creative. It was advertising cheap cell phones and beer, so not much of a market either.

The Snow Queen Retelling "What’you suppose they are, demons or something? Goblins? Nothing like the ones at the church. That one looks like he can fly.” He stared at it, getting lost in the red of the glass, a color that stood out in the colorless castle. He hadn’t noticed it before. Or, he remembered, he’d thought it was stupid, that the colors gave him a headache. He’d never stopped to take them in, to look at how pretty the colors were when light shone through them.

Faye & Myra-- Summer Hangout I felt like crying, but that would be way worse right now and I couldn’t face it. I took a deep breath and pushed it away. I grabbed the few tintypes I’d taken out of the box, brought the box back, and purchased them. I went over to Olivia.

Layla In an instant, the numb feeling of being disconnected vanished, and panic rushed through me. Twitches underneath my eyes warned me that tears were coming, and then they did, filling my eyes and blurring the message. My mouth quivered, my breathing was speeding up. What was he doing? Couldn’t this be over? Hadn’t he gotten what he wanted?

Lialyn Lialyn was a kingdom of Mages. Every part of their lives had been shaped around the fact that everyone, from the rich to poor, learned magic. As the prince, he and his sister were expected to master as soon as possible. They were supposed to be superior in magic the way other countries had their royalty superior in swordfighting. Which meant that Sam had failed his family from the start.

[jasminedragonart]

Ok all this Azula talk has made me intrigued so let me rant away with my thoughts on this! I don’t know if you’ll publish this but heh, here I go anyways.

Azula most likely has feminine pieces of clothing for sure and I agree, they’re most likely few in between.

She does make herself seem older with makeup which honestly screams like a trauma effect on her rather than anything else if we’re going to delve into that mess. Azula being perceived as older than she is tends to be a very prevalent theme of her story and small details like this help support this common misconception about her age which is the point (still a mistake on the writers though).

The headpieces she wears as well just seem to be a Royal Family tradition thing. Though when she was younger in the flashbacks, her headpiece is most similar to Ursa’s but that changes quickly with her 14 year-old self. That screams a lot but it’s mostly just Azula moving up the ranks into the position of heir to the throne since she wears the same headpiece we see on Lu Ten’s portrait.

Even in the show, her more feminine clothing (Book 2) is different compared to someone like Ursa’s and Michi’s given that Azula seems to wear pants. In Book 3, she embraces a more masculine approach to clothing with the exception being the Beach episode (a setting where Azula is out of her comfort zone) and when she’s in casual robes when getting prepped up for the day or when she’s sleeping. Other than that, she’s wearing full on men’s clothing which is just really interesting given that she’s back in the FN where she’s most comfortable which implies Azula has a preference for masculine clothing…

I know you’ve probably gotten many messages similar to this but dissecting Azula’s character is just interesting especially when we’re on about topics like masculinity and femininity since Azula seems to exist somewhere in the middle or outside the binary line when it comes down to it. Azula was written in a very gender-queer way if you want to look at ATLA through a queer lens and that’s worth talking about.

Hope this helps or gives you more insight into this mess of a kid because she’s filled with complexity.

I think what we need to remember about Azula is that she's basically on a mission most of the time we see her. She's Zuko book 1. Meaning the armour she's wearing is because of a) her status, because she's a princess but she's also the next head of a military state meaning she dresses in military attire because it's expected of her. Also b) it's practical and she's expecting to encounter trouble while she's looking for her brother and the Avatar.

With this in mind, I think assuming she wears masculine clothes more than feminine is just a guess on our part. We do see her in relaxed feminine clothes, and while they might not be the same as Mai, Ty Lee and Ursa, we have to remember also that Azula is, again, a princess, and again, her own person with her own personal style.

I think it's very interesting that she dresses older as she is but also in armour. I think everything about her is interesting and I enjoy that people have different interpretations of her character.

[drxwsyni]

Petrified (pt. 8)

Yandere Erasermic x f!Reader

SERIES MASTERLIST

a/n: OOOOH THINGS ARE STARTING TO GET INTERESTING. Now that we’ve set this up, expect each chapter to be VERY yandere. I know it’s been pretty chill for like half of the series, but not anymore! I’m really excited to write the later chapters, cause I think the twists are gonna be pretty good lol. Anyways, thanks for reading and enjoy the new part!

A huge thanks to @yanderart for beta reading this part <3. Also, ty to @reinawritesbnha, @yanderart (again lol), @shorkbrian and @sawamooora for helping me brainstorm. I suck at writing smut big time and you guys rlly helped me flesh everything out. Love y’all <3

*Sidenote*: Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the taglist!

5.6k words

Warnings: Dubcon, threesome, dumbification, recreational use of drugs and alcohol, coercion, gaslighting, implied stalking, ambiguous implied themes

“I think this calls for some drinks, whaddya say princess?”

Hizashi was already rising from his spot on the couch before you could answer. Making his way into the kitchen, he quickly disappeared from your line of sight to fix up whatever concoction of alcohol he sought fit.

Much to your appreciation, neither of the two heroes had pressured you just yet into discussing your agreement from a mere few days ago. Thursday morning had passed by in a blur, and to nobody’s surprise, you continued with business as usual.

And what seemed to be a recurring factor in your life as of late―luck was never quite on your side.

You made it out of the work week by the skin of your teeth. Between a surplus of particularly unruly customers, and the burden of your own conscience, catching a break was an unobtainable reprieve. Anyone in their right mind would’ve looked at you and told you to stay home. To cancel your dinner date with Shouta and Hizashi, and promptly treat yourself to some much needed slumber. But you were everything but in your right mind as of late.

Not a moment went by where you didn’t question yourself. Part of you alarmed in the need for rest, the other wanting to keep going. Unsure of whether you were just overreacting, or if the voice in the back of your head telling you to run and never look back from the two actually had some sense to it.

You went with the former. Which was why you were back in their quaint little home, nestled amongst the bustling city. And in the observant nature you’d been subjected to time and time again, they both immediately picked up on the fact that you were worse for wear. After a dinner that was as appetizing as any other meal they’d made for you, the three of you holed up in the living room.

It turns out they had a pretty long week too. With hero work, teaching, and―what they just had to bring up―making sure you were doing alright, they were thoroughly beat. Almost as much as you.

Hizashi returned, towing three drinks in his hands. What looked like two beers, one for him and one for Shouta―and a colourful, bright looking mixture of god knows what for yourself.

The glass was cold in your hands, a chill offsetting the warmth brought on by both the fireplace and the heat in your cheeks, quickly rising after Hizashi handed off your drink to you with a wink.

The blond was about to retake his seat, until he paused, setting his beer on the coffee table. “Hold on―I actually brought a lil’ somethin’ extra.” The chipper man dug into the front pocket of his jeans, pulling out a small ziplock baggie. The package was a gunmetal grey, with some indiscernible label on the front. Letters too small, and you too far away to see what they read.

“Now, somethin’ tells me you’re probably a newbie to this kinda stuff, but don’t worry ‘bout it!” Hizashi strided closer to you as he spoke, opening up the package with nimble fingers.

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, ‘Zashi.” Shouta sounded unamused, but the small smirk forming on his face told a different story.

“Nah, this’ll be good for her! Take the edge off and all that shit, yeah?”

You looked at the baggie curiously, eyebrows knitted as he fished around inside of it. “...What is it, exactly?”

The blond revealed a small gummy between his fingers, holding it out to you. “Edibles. Go on.”

He gestured for you to take the candy from him, and not really knowing what else to do with his insistence, you did. Hizashi retrieved another from the bag, popping it into his mouth. He held the grey package out to Shouta, but he shook his head, a dismissive sigh escaping his lips.

Hesitantly, you stared at the gummy in your hand. “I, uh...I’m not really sure about this. It’s just that―”

“You’ll be fine.” This time it was Shouta to push you, despite having just been more unfavouring of the topic.

You regarded the man worriedly. However, much unlike before, something new had overtaken his expression. Anticipation, expectancy―it was hard to place. But it told you one thing.

Something had changed his mind, and whatever it was, it was enticing enough for him to disregard the possibility of you reacting badly to the edible, and your concerns over the substance in general.

Clearly, he caught on to your apprehension. And, unfortunately for you, his demands were always so much harder to defy than his partner’s. Not that you did much of defying either these days. Still, as of now it was easier to comply than face the consequences of their incessant convincing.

“Think of it as making up for lying to us. You get to relax a little, and we’ll put you back in our good books.”

“Not that you ever left! But ya did hurt us with that, so it’s the least you could do. Right, sweetheart?” Hizashi grabbed his beer from the coffee table, before taking a seat next to you on the couch. Lazily, he threw an arm across the back of it, you tensing slightly at how it was close enough to be resting on your shoulders.

You knew it wasn’t the best idea. But maybe, just maybe, this small piece of laced candy would be what got you through the night. You should still be able to keep your wits about you, but if this meant getting them off your case? Then so be it. Frankly, being trapped in your mind of stressed thoughts was something you sought to escape all the time. This was a decent opportunity to do just that.

Copying Hizashi, perhaps just a little less enthusiastically, you indulged them in seeing you down the gummy. It left a strange aftertaste, so you washed it down with the brightly coloured drink you’d been neglecting this whole time.

Much to your dismay, that didn’t taste any better.

You resolved to leave the drink be, not wanting to deal with the issues that might come out of mixing  the two inhibitors. The two of them didn’t really care, as soon enough you all fell back into line, talking about whatever first came to mind.

Times like these honestly made you resentful. How you wished that the two heroes weren’t so suffocatingly bothered about your wellbeing. If they weren’t, maybe you could have nights like these more often. They took up so much time policing your actions―checking up on you, hammering in their agenda, hovering. It was time that could be spent just being your friend.

A normal, no obligations relationship was what you wanted with them. Not the reality of you being their little pet project. Trying to change your long standing ways for the ‘better.’ Genuinely, you enjoyed these moments of reprieve. Where for even just a short while, you could all just look past the reasons as to why you were in their home. Just mindless conversation. Entertaining, engaging―normal.

It wasn’t your fault that they had to go ahead and ruin it.

...

Or maybe it was. You could’ve said no. Tonight, or when they first roped you into their lives.

It didn’t really matter now.

_____

The concept of time was...difficult to grasp.

You didn’t know when Shouta had taken up residence right next to you, so close the two of you were touching. Whatever they were saying, you liked it. You were giggling, almost spilling your mostly untouched drink. The condensation on the glass was dripping down your hand, a chill that you didn’t even notice. After a particularly amusing jab at who knows what, you nearly let the contents of the liquid slush out over the rim.

Hizashi laughed at your sedated carelessness, “Woah there, songbird. Lemme take that from you before ya stain the couch, yeah?”

“Clumsy little thing, isn’t she?” The deep baritone of Shouta’s voice next to you sends automatic shivers up and down your spine, muscles tightening for a split second.

By now, you had no clue how much either of them had to drink. Or if they even drank at all. Combing your hazy memory, you couldn’t quite place a moment where you caught them doing anything other than chatting away. Shouta’s beer was still on the side table next to where he was sitting. As for Hizashi’s, well―it was too much effort to crane your neck to see where it lay.

The blond faced you again, “She’s such a cutie like this―all buzzed out. You feelin good there?”

A crooked, goofy looking smile was spread across your lips. “Mhmm…” The drifting response matched your expression, light and pleased.

“What are we gonna do with her?” Shouta, speaking through his actions, and very uncharacteristically, wrapped sturdy arms around your waist. Blissfully dazed, you only let out light and bashful laughs as the man pulled you into his lap. Your legs hung off the side of his toned thighs, while he kept an arm around your waist, the other squeezing your plush hip.

Inhibitions having left you about five minutes ago, you failed to see the predatory glint in Hizashi’s eyes. He moved closer to the both of you, “Oh, I can think of plenty of things we can do…” His hand ran up the length of your thigh―exposed, given how you chose to wear a dress this Saturday.

Lazily, your gaze trailed his movements. Slow, teasingly, letting you feel with anticipation as it crept higher, and higher.

“Eyes on me, kitten.”

Another hand―Shouta’s―lightly gripped your chin. Turning your head, or more like him turning your head, your focus met his darkened one. “...Such little tease, you are.”

Something distant, uncompleted, clicked in the back of your mind. You tried grasping at it, straining to get a hold on whatever that thought was trying to tell you. “I...what do you m―”

So much for that thought.

Shouta’s lips collided with yours, ending any coherent understanding that was developing in that swift movement. His hand, once cupping your face, switched to firmly cradle the back of your head.

Whatever remained of your common sense had you weakly attempting to pull away. But it was no use, when Shouta held you in place, the force of your feeble resistance not bothering him in the slightest. If anything, he found it cute.

How hard you tried to fight them, even now.

His lips moved against yours, the day old scruff tickling your skin. That small sensation pierced your fogged thoughts, intaking a sharp breath of air through your nose. While you focused on that, you barely noticed the blond’s wandering hands.

At least, not until they found their destination. You let out a drawn out moan as Hizashi pressed two fingers against your clothed mound. Your legs would’ve shut, but he had already settled in between them, kneeling over you with a satisfied look.

An amused grin spread across his face as you unconsciously ground yourself into his fingers while he rubbed you through the soft material of your thin panties. “Ohhh, yeah. She’s feeling good all right.”

You should’ve stayed home.

Shouta detached himself from your lips, and Hizashi was quick to take his place. With his free hand, he’d done like his partner and turned you to face him.

While he wasn’t as graceful, you didn’t really have a mind to care. Not when it was overwhelmed with the suffocating closeness of the two men.

You should’ve left once they offered you a drink, or the edible.

The erasure hero peppered small kisses down your neck, stopping only to speak. “Bet we could make her feel even better…” The seductive tone of his voice, spoken low into your ear shot straight to your core, feeling butterflies at his words.

You shouldn't have let your guard down.

Gasping in response, Shouta nipped at the sensitive skin of your neck, sucking and working to leave a mark in his wake. His partner took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, tongue exploring every inch of your mouth. Even in your disoriented state, the sensation of a piercing was a stark contrast in comparison to everything else Hizashi was making you feel.

Too fixated on that, you once again failed to keep track of what was going on around you. It was more like you simply felt it, absorbed the way it was making your body react, without much of a care for the circumstances.

A common occurrence, nowadays.

And it didn’t matter what you should’ve done anymore. It wasn’t going to stop the inevitable.

Shouta’s calloused hands squeezed your hips, kneading them and relishing in your softness. Always the direct one, he grasped the hem of your dress. The hero smiled against your neck, pleased with how compliant Hizashi’s little treat had made you.

If only you could be like this all the time.

As his partner’s fingers continued their ministrations, not being nearly enough to help you seek release, Shouta lifted up your dress.

Catching on soon enough, Hizashi parted from you, a string of saliva connecting your lips.

“Let’s get you outta this, huh pretty girl?”

The dots didn’t connect. You didn’t know why things felt just the slightest bit off, only that the familiar and nagging hint of doubt was currently fighting tooth and nail to keep its place at the back of your mind.

You didn’t respond. But they didn’t really care.

Hizashi held your arms up as Shouta peeled your dress off. The flimsy article was quickly discarded on the floor, landing somewhere out of sight. Not really comprehending whether you regretted the actions that led you here now, you let yourself get caught up in their movements, the air of room hitting your exposed breasts.

The blond noted with a low whistle at the fact that you’d neglected to wear a bra, too transfixed at the moment to deduce why.

You knew why, distantly―everything felt distant right now.

While Shouta resumed littering your neck with open mouthed kisses, his partner got to work on making a mess of your front. You couldn’t tell which hands belonged to whom, only that they were on your body. Groping, kneading, taking in how much more delicate you were compared to them.

A fragile little thing.

...How did they hold out this long?

A small yelp escaped you as one of them pinched your hardening nipple, making you squirm fruitlessly in their grasp.

Shouta chuckled at your reaction, “That was a cute noise, kitten. Why don’t you make some more for us?”

The voice hero was slowly leaving marks down your chest, along the curves of your breasts. “Yeah, you can do that for us, right?”

Punctuating his words, his mouth enveloped your pebbled nipple, swirling his piercing tongue around it. His other hand was still steadily rubbing circles into your clothed pussy. You mewled at the sensation, mind still trying to make right from wrong.

“I...I don’t…don’t think this....”

Small tears of frustration threatened to well. You wanted so bad to know where this incessant feeling was coming from. Why it was lingering.

Shouta was quick to shut those worried thoughts down though. “Shhh...just let us take care of you.”

Hizashi’s voice sounded strained―needy. “Fuck, Shou’. I can’t hold back any longer…”

His partner, being the only person in the room with a clear mind, paused before replying. Ever the hard-headed one, now technically shouldn’t be any different. But, with the way you were moving on his lap, unconsciously grinding against him...maybe his head wasn’t as clear as he thought.

...

“I’m not stopping you.”

The look of pure relief at the erasure hero’s words was instant. Because really, the only reason he hadn’t fucked you senseless yet was because Shouta was doing everything in his power to control him. They needed to wait until you were ready, even if it meant giving you something to make you a bit more open to the idea.

Deft fingers looped under the hem of your panties, Hizashi’s eyes glistening at the thin string of arousal on the fabric as he pulled them away from your core. He quickly dragged them down your legs and discarding them in a similar fashion as your dress.

Maneuvering you so that your back was to Shouta’s chest, the erasure hero spread your legs, holding them apart by draping them off either sides of his own. The blond dropped to his knees on the floor in front of you both, taking in the way your folds glistened with the flickering light of the fireplace.

But before he could make a move, Shouta spoke up.

“Wait, maybe we should take this to the bedr―”

“Fuck that.”

Without uttering another word on the subject, Hizashi buried his face in between your legs. Unable to restrain yourself, you cried out as his tongue slid up your heat, the piercing deliciously adding pressure to your clit.

Shouta laughed a bit at your reaction, letting you mindlessly throw your head back on his shoulder. His hands came to grope your breasts, sighing in satisfaction at their soft give against his fingers. “You’ve been holding out on us, kitten. You’re lucky we’re going easy on you right now.”

His counterpart hummed in agreement, sending pleasurable waves of warmth throughout you. His tongue continued circling your clit, noting all the things that made you squirm and whine in response, using them to work you over even more.

Unable to recognize the true meaning to his words, you simply let your body succumb to their ministrations. Your mouth hung open, small noises leaving you in your blissed out state, body completely bare while they were still fully clothed.

You were under a lethal combination of sedating exhaustion from the week, coupled with the ingredients in the gummy Hizashi was ever so quick to offer. It left you pliant, melting into their hold.

You felt good. Really good.

Hizashi’s right hand drifted up, fingers coating themselves in your dripping essence. You writhed as they dipped into your folds, toying with your puffy clit. He replaced them with his tongue once again, letting them tease at your entrance.

The lust filled side of you bucked your hips against him, urging the voice hero to fill you up with his slender fingers.

“Someone’s a little needy.” You ignored the condescending tone coating Shouta’s words, distracted with the way the blond’s fingers refused your insistence.

“I...please…” You didn’t really know what it was you were begging for. Just that you needed him to do something, anything. If it meant he’d stop teasing you.

“I got ya, pretty girl. Just relax now.” Putting you out of your misery, a long and nimble finger pushed past your entrance. The digit skilfully curled inside of you, repeating the action with each thrust.

Desperate for something to hold on to, you gripped the arm that Shouta had wrapped around your waist, keeping you pinned firmly against him. A precaution, of course. They weren’t going to have you backing out of this now. Not after you’d let yourself go so much, and they finally had the chance to prove how good they could be to you.

The stretch of Hizashi adding a second finger felt incredible, but even more so was when they hit that sensitive bundle of nerves with pinpointed accuracy. You jolted from the sensation, toes curling as he targeted the spot while simultaneously keeping his mouth busy in ways that sent your mind reeling.

He pulled away for a moment, enjoying the sight above him as you squirmed in Shouta’s hold. “That your sweet spot, baby?” Putting emphasis on his words, he began delivering even harder thrusts, going back to repeatedly flick at your clit with his tongue.

“You take his fingers so well, don’t you kitten?”

You could feel the coil beginning to tighten, a sedating warmth spreading across your body. If you were facing Shouta, you would be able to see the devious smirk stretched across his lips.

The man was growing impatient―for once in his life when it came to you. But, could you really blame him? Here you were, splayed out across his lap and oh so vulnerable. So cute, so fucked out of your mind.

It was time to move things along, if only so he could get a taste.

His free hand weaved itself into the long and loose blond locks cascading down Hizashi’s shoulders. The man in question gave an inquisitive look, before quickly being cut off. Shouta yanked the man forward by his hair, causing him to press even harder into your sensitive cunt. He groaned as the pain shot through his scalp, the vibrations of his voice, semi-quirk activated, shooting through your core.

That was enough for you. The buildup of heat, how your body felt like it was melting under their touch―in an instant it was amplified tenfold. Your eyebrows furrowed, muscles tensing as you came around Hizashi’s fingers, and on his tongue―both of which were still relentlessly stimulating you through your high. Even when you finally calmed down, the blond continued to greedily lap at your juices, causing you to shake and whine as you were still far too sensitive.

Shouta, a hand still gripping his partner's hair, pulled Hizashi away from you since he realized that clearly he would just keep going if he didn’t intervene.

Your whole being feeling more ragdoll like now, if that was even possible, gave way easily to their hurried repositioning. Having nearly passed out from that alone, the scene unfolding around you went right over your head. Clothes being torn off, belts hastily undone, two very painfully hard men trapping you in between them.

At some point, one of them had put you on your hands and knees on the couch. Well, it was more like you had your ass raised in the air, while you tiredly slumped against the soft cushions. However, the feeling of something running up and down your folds managed to stave off that threatening exhaustion.

“Don’t go passing out on us just yet, kitten.” The gravelly voice came from behind you, letting you know that it was Shouta who was gripping your hip with one hand, the other guiding his cock to your sopping entrance.

Which meant, the pretty and pierced cock in front of you must belong to Hizashi.

“Open up for me, songbird.”

Through semi-wet lashes, you peered up at the voice hero who was towering over you. The hand that wasn’t pumping his length gripped your jaw. And, with a little pressure, he forced your mouth open.

You just needed a little encouragement, is all.

He let out a strangled moan as he pushed his way past your wetted lips, nearly cumming right then and there at how warm you felt around him.

Shouta wasn’t doing much better in the area of self restraint, using his partner’s distraction to sheath himself inside your pussy. His want for control wore thin as your walls fluttered around him, deliciously sucking him in inch by inch.

Both of the men were on cloud nine, finally getting a taste of how you really felt. Those moments of consoling weren’t always innocent, touches yearning to go further. And now that they’d gone to those lengths, now that they were going through those long desired motions, the two realized you were so much better than they could’ve ever imagined.

You moaned around Hizashi’s cock as his partner bottomed out inside of you. His length filled you up in ways neither yours or the blond’s fingers could. Even when he pulled out and thrusted back into your heat, he’d already managed to hit that perfect angle.

Both going at their own pace, your body rocked back and forth as the men took advantage of your delirious state. You couldn’t exactly call it abusing your holes―they weren’t being that rough. But Shouta’s cock was stretching your walls just a bit more than you were prepared for. And Hizashi was slowly forgetting with each passing second that he couldn’t just force his whole length down your throat.

Actually, maybe they were overestimating your limits.

Could you blame them, though? Seeing you day after day, doing their best to not scare you away as they held back the near uncontrollable urge to just take what they wanted. Having to watch you let yourself get run down, when they could’ve been taking care of you.

Why did you have to put up such a fight?

Shouta didn’t think he'd agree with Hizashi when he suggested offering you the edible. Oh, how glad he was for letting him do so now. Because he had to admit, seeing you bent over, deepthroating the blond while he got a nice view of you from behind―it was worth the wait, and the hint of shame that came from inducing you to accept them in such a way.

His tired eyes were lost on the way you took the both of them, shamelessly moaning against Hizashi, hips unconsciously rocking back against him to garner some more stimulation. It was only when the voice hero pulled you off of his pierced cock, the sounds of you gasping for breath meeting his ears, did Shouta break out of that trance.

“Hey...ya think I’d fit in there too?”

The blond was referring to your already decently stuffed cunt, dripping with arousal that was running down your thighs.

Shouta’s lips quirked into a slight smirk.

“...We can make it fit.”

You didn’t quite know what to think. Your mind felt...strange. Weighed down―by exhaustion, some indiscernible veil, but also the need to feel more.

The two helped you sit up, Shouta’s length still fully inside of you. Hizashi eagerly positioned himself in front of you, hands wandering across your body, searching for purchase to ground him.

You did the same to him, mindlessly throwing your arms around his neck, nails digging into his back as the tip of his cock teasingly nudged your clit.

Hizashi laughed a little at your fucked out face, drool seeping from your mouth and running down your chin. His thumb wiped away some stray falling tears, before giving your cheeks a few gentle pats. He found your blissed expression, albeit a lot more intense than he’d seen before, a familiar and amusing thing. “I’ll never get sick of seein’ ya like this, songbird.”

The meaning to his words went directly over your head. Must not have been that important, right?

Unable to really register what was going on, just that suddenly, you felt much more full than you had been a second ago, your brows scrunched in...discomfort?

It didn’t really feel bad, it was just a lot to handle.

Hizashi’s head fell onto your shoulder as he slowly let you sink down on his cock. He let out a hiss, feeling your walls clamp down around him, impossibly and deliciously tight. The small noises that escaped your lips as his piercings dragged against your sensitive spot nearly made them both abandon caution that second.

But they would never hurt you, not unless it was necessary. They wanted to take care of you―even if you were too out of it to realize.

The seconds ticking by as you adjusted to them felt like hours in their book. Finally, after what could’ve been an eternity, Hizashi bottomed out inside of you. The blond relished in the way your nails threatened to break the skin of his shoulders and back as they began thrusting in and out of you, your cunt welcoming them in.

No coherent words could form in your mind, reduced to nothing more than a dumbed down puddle of pleasure. You couldn’t care less about the lewd wet and slapping noises, or how you were quite literally a ragdoll in their arms. Not when the only constant on your mind was how you felt good. Better than you had in a long time. It wasn’t a feeling of safeness, but still, it wasn’t something you wanted to get away from. For now, at least.

Both of the heroes could tell how well your body was reacting to them―by the way your head lolled back against Shouta’s broad frame, or how whimpers and cries of ecstasy spilled from your parted lips.

“...Is our kitten enjoying herself?”

You didn’t respond. Not with words, at least.

Hizashi responded properly for you. “Look at her pretty little face, ‘course she is. Y’know...I could get used to this―what about you, Shou’?”

Arms tangled amongst each other, the two held you upright as they rutted against you. Much like yourself, the pleasure they felt was greatly dulcifying their inhibitions.

You probably wouldn’t remember anything they had to say, though.

The erasure hero grinned at that thought―having you like this for them all the time. Something to look forward to after a long day. The sight of you, safe in their home, waiting for their return. Ready for them to spoil you in every which way possible. Just like you deserved.

“...You saying we should speed things up?”

Now that idea, it gave Hizashi purpose. He was aching to swoop you up―had been for a long time. His hips pistoned in and out of you faster, harder than before.

The blond grasped your jaw in one hand, forcing you to look at him. “Bet you would like that, pretty girl.” With a particularly sharp thrust of his hips, you cried out as he thoughtlessly spoke to you. “Bet you want us doting on ya all day...fucking you ‘till ya can’t walk―that’s what you want, right?”

Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth, the task of forming a response, one that held your truth, being absolutely impossible. You didn’t know what they wanted, and all you craved was to give them a reply to keep them doing whatever it was they were.

“...I..y-yes?”

Wrong answer.

The both of them moved with a new sense of vigour, leaving you clawing at anything you could get your hands on in a feeble attempt to steady yourself.

“Hear that, Shou’? Our baby’s askin’ for us to take care of her.”

The erasure hero gripped your hips in an iron like hold, sure to leave tender bruises the next day. “Can’t say no to that, now can we?”

The warmth pooling in your belly was growing more intense with each passing second, leaving you to writhe in their grasp, not really knowing how to handle yourself. Every little thing they said, whether to you, or just about you didn’t exactly register. As their speed picked up, the heroes nearing their release just as fast as you, Shouta weaved a hand in between yours and the blond’s body.

You jolted at the feeling of two of his fingers pressing tight circles into your puffy clit, still being jostled as their movements quickened. The two men groaned as your walls clamped down around them, the sounds that met your ears going straight to your core.

“You gonna cum for us, baby?”

Hizashi’s hand, still on your jaw, moved to the back of your head. He held it so that you didn’t merely lay limp against Shouta’s shoulder, propped in his grasp so that he could see your dazed and lust filled expression. You could only nod in response, his question somehow permeating through the thick fog settled over your rational thoughts.

Picking up on the small acknowledgement to Hizashi’s words, Shouta’s ministrations focused on bringing you to release. His fingers never ceased in aimedly toying with your clit, spurred on by the way you reacted so well to them.

The white hot pressure building inside of you was reaching its crescendo. Where one of them left your heat, the other was there to fill you right back up, constantly crashing against your bundle of nerves. That familiar and intense sensation washed over your body as you reached your second peak of the night, convulsing in their arms, eyes rolling into the back of your head.

Your walls fluttering around their lengths, somehow making it even tighter, a reaction deliciously consuming to the two. Truly better than their imaginations could’ve conceived, the feeling of you coming undone caused them to tumble over the edge of their release as well.

Shouta’s head dipped, face buried in the junction between your neck and collarbones. He grunted into the skin covered in a sheen of sweat, painting your walls white while you continued to tremble in their embrace. Hizashi’s grip on the back of your head tightened, pulling on your hair and making you wince as a sharp pain shot across your scalp. Ropes of cum coated your insides, mixing with the already existing seed, now spilling down your thighs and dripping onto the couch.

All three of you were heaving with acute exhaustion, you maybe slightly more. Coming down from your high, the adrenaline that had just spiked was leaving your body, taking nearly all of your energy with it.

You slumped against their bodies, falling against Shouta while Hizashi still cradled the back of your head. It felt as if lead was weighing down your whole being, threatening to pull you into a deep slumber. And, seeing as you couldn’t find the reason to fight it given your mentally reduced state, you let it.

Your eyelids fluttered, shutting with relief as fatigue enveloped you, drowning you in its sedation.

But someone’s voice, you couldn’t place who’s, ripped you from the respite of sleep. The message igniting that strange, unidentifiable nagging of worry. Yet, it faded as soon as it came, overshadowed by the insatiable movements returning in the two men.

“...We’re not done with you yet.”

(End of part 8)

_____

Taglist: @roseloverofpastels @shinsous-eye-bags @tjhonoluluprezstitch626 @pekusofixus @riathearora @glitterypinkkitty @elektraeriseros @hadesnewpersephone @axolotleyeliner @idratherliveinbooks @silver-stardrop @niko-su993 @olivia-grace26 @shigsteranddabstersimp @hawks96@pink-dodo-writes @amishahosein24 @keilemlucent @stargazingaloneatnight @thelilmisskaydesi @morganseeksindependence-blog @teabutnerdy @patchworkpiper

If you’re name was crossed out it’s because I couldn’t tag you!

[ramblingguy54]

Escape From The Impossibin!: An Exercise Of Trust & Hope.

So, I was predicting for this episode to have Della & Louie bonding time together, which there were cool moments with them to be sure. However, what I really liked about today’s story was how it focused on the aftermath of FOWL’s reveal to still be very much alive to Scrooge’s horror and Beakly’s greatly underlying concern. A couple of days ago before Impossibin premiered today, I chatted with some others on Discord about what this episode’s story would explore for its overall message, which the more I thought about, the more I leaned on the idea it would be centered around the notion of trust. Let’s Get Dangerous had a consistent theme of deceitful liars being revealed who weren’t whom they appeared to be, as seen with Taurus Bulba vs Drake Mallard & Bradford’s true nature being known to Scrooge at that hour special’s ending. 

Escape From The Impossibin is all about confronting the growing tension that’s become a threat to a content family lineage of adventurers, who now have to defend everything they stand for in their legacy, once again. That’s something I’ve always appreciated about DuckTales is even when it doesn’t entirely match my predictions, it finds other new ways to surprise me for what it can do. Della & Louie didn’t necessarily get the bonding time I had hoped for, which did admittedly disappoint me, but they did a serve a purpose in their own right that I’ll get to later. Anyways, the spotlight is on the older mentor figures, Scrooge McDuck and Bentina Beakly, who are all too familiar in dealing with FOWL’s antagonism before in Season 1′s episode, The Confidential Case Files Of Agent 22, that especially applies to Beakly’s past in fighting them as an agent of SHUSH for very much longer compared to Scrooge. With how much is at stake you’d very much expect there to be old feelings being drudged up, regarding Scrooge’s trust and respect for Bradford, as well as Beakly’s strict over protective nature with Webby to keep her safe from losing that optimism that makes her stand out as a beacon of hope to inspire others, which they do. FOWL isn’t like Magica or Lunaris who want to make themselves known flat out to the world with their egos. They’re very cunning and cold blooded with going about executing their plans for control of the Earth. Particularly, Bradford is the serious threat most of all because he’s the brains of this outfit giving precision in each order to those under his command. Combine Bradford’s knowledge with the muscle of Steelbeak, Rockerduck’s underhanded scheming, Gandra Dee’s scientific intellect, Black Heron’s lust for more power, and Phantom Blot’s ability to absorb all kinds of magic that gives the McDucks’ a severe scenario they’ve never faced. FOWL is the right combination to put an end to Scrooge’s adventuring because Bradford has kept a close eye on him for so many years. Bradford has seen plenty of Scrooge at his total best and worst most of all. He’s studied upon every detail of Scrooge’s life, for who knows how many years, and is finally putting all of it to use against him, where we get to see the extent of just how well Bradford can read every one of his moves. Lunaris’ intellect was simply a figurative puddle compared to what Bradford managed to accomplish with his high IQ.

The scary thing is Scrooge knows this reality himself, too. 

That’s one of my favorite elements of Impossibin’s purpose. We get to see Scrooge seriously doubt his abilities. In episodes, like The Most Dangerous Game Night and The 87 Cents Solution, Scrooge has always prided himself in being a very sharp individual who could see every angle and any detail that others couldn’t. Bradford, on the other hand, rivals Scrooge’s thinking that puts an eerie perspective on things for the old man. Scrooge always thought to be one step ahead of the game, but then realizes that someone who’s been by his side for so very long played him like a fiddle all those years. Who’s to say Scrooge isn’t probably thinking back on stuff such as Bradford shutting down his rescue operation for Della, controlling his money usage, letting Louie hang around Bradford in The Richest Duck In The World, finalizing Gyro’s inventions, etc? Scrooge realizes he’s had a dangerous character around the family manor all those years, which makes him doubt his ability to trust himself in protecting everything that he holds importantly in life. Scrooge isn’t just thinking he’s been fooled, he’s doubting every aspect of what made him competent to begin with. Doesn’t help among this moment of self reflection Bradford is there to further rub in that harsh reality of how much he knows about Scrooge.

This moment gave me chills because it completely put a spin upon the story’s concept. I figured that FOWL would hack Scrooge’s security system, with help from Gandra Dee’s abilities, and I’m glad it went this route, since it shows how dangerous things are this time. They’re not even safe within the confines of their own manor anymore, considering Bradford knows every nook and cranny of it. Scrooge thought only he knew the security system’s password, given its based on the amount of all money in his money bin, but Bradford covered that crucial detail, too. Bradford isn’t leaving any loose ends toward Scrooge in how he’ll go about using any little thing against him for future reference. That’s what makes the stakes higher here than compared to Lunaris’ invasion. This is a much more personal story between a clash of ideals with Adventuring vs Control. Lunaris lacked that emotional connection here Bradford is making Scrooge have to face that adds another layer of tension to this situation. Bradford wants Scrooge to know, “I have control over you. There is nothing you know that I’ve already figured out about yourself.”, and going about hacking the robotic version of himself is the best way to send home that message to him. It can also be interpreted as symbolism for Scrooge fighting his own insecurities when Bradford takes control of the robot to start attacking.

I need you, the two most cunning individuals I know, to spot any weaknesses.

Now, Della & Louie did serve a big purpose, despite the Plot A point focusing greatly on Scrooge’s existential dilemma, for they were there to remind Scrooge of just how much of an impact his life style has had on them. Della & Louie’s teamwork together throughout the episode is a perfect way to give Scrooge a reality check reminder for how skilled they are as adventurous fighters against unknown dangers. After all, Scrooge passed on his skills to Della, who’d later pass down her intellectual skills to him, too. Again, tying into the whole theme of legacy and what not about how much family can bring out the best in each other. If it wasn’t for what Scrooge had taught them, then he wouldn’t have been saved by Louie’s defining act of being a badass, by willingly diving into the pile of money, which got hit by a gravity changing rosa rune from the robot and ended up crushing it. I wanted to see more mature Louie, so him lifting Scrooge up about how much pride he has in the family lineage was a great nod to it. That in turn, allowed Scrooge to remember why he and their family are strong together. You know, after recent events that have happened in my life, seeing legacy be explored in DuckTales Season 3 means a lot to me now more than ever.

As for Beakly’s B Plot, in terms of how it ties into a neat bow with Scrooge’s story, shows how intense she’s getting at the notion of eventually facing FOWL again. Honestly, I’m not surprised if she’s getting flashbacks of whatever painful or traumatic events happened to her in those Agent 22 days. I mean, for God’s sake, she tells Webby to straight up incapacitate Huey, who was already so scared. Something Webby refuses to agree with as the best course of training methods to better prepare against the greater threat. Beakly’s characterization has always fascinated me with how well she guards her vulnerability, kind of like Goldie in a way, but the difference here is outta great concern for others rather than herself. My mind can’t stop thinking about this scene, as there could most likely be underlying context for why Beakly is getting so worked up over this training. It seems Beakly is carrying a tremendous weight on her shoulders, probably some heavy angst, that it looks like she wants to say, but can’t because of bigger story reasons we’ll find out later in Season 3′s final batch of episodes. Special mention to Donald Duck putting his foot down on Beakly’s very intense training session. Donald knows the trials and errors of what it means to be a parent. He was once very overly protective of Huey, Dewey, and Louie, but learned to let them experience the world for what it is and not hold them back, so I liked how it ties into Beakly’s dilemma of trying to protect Webby from FOWL’s heartless nature.

Beakly’s plot may have not gotten much focus, but it did a very good job setting up more angst to come between her and Webby’s relationship. Things are gonna get very complicated between them when more things come to light. I’m keeping an eye on Huey’s line specifically. When he said, “The one thing we know for sure is that we trust each other, right?”, Beakly did want to bring herself to apologize of course, but I also think she was close to wanting to confess something else to Webby, too. I’m expecting this moment to be called back to when stuff hits the fan with Beakly’s past and whatever Webby’s origins are.

Escape From the Impossibin may have unsettling stuff lurking around the corner with how FOWL managed to distract them with the security system, so they could steal away every missing mystery the family has found so far, but there’s a glimmer of light in all of that darkness. A light that is a reminder of what makes the McDuck family an unstoppable force of trust, hope, and most importantly love. Frank said that things were gonna start going into overdrive with FOWL’s battle against McDuck and he wasn’t kidding around. I’m so overjoyed were getting more episodes in November after this episode finished because that would’ve been a painful wait. Season 3 is gonna start giving things it built up a big pay off and I’m totally here for that!

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Gou Ep19

OK this episode was actually just fucking with me by having Rika at a Western-style preppy boarding school drinking tea in a parlor and having debates with people. This level of concentrated Umineko content bait is going to literally kill me at some point.

Thoughts under the cut. [Plus even more Umineko stuff, but honestly who can even blame me at this point, lmao]

I don’t think I commented on it last week, partly because I was hoping we’d get the actual visuals for it in this episode, but the new ED theme is extremely good. I think I like it a lot more than the first one, but they’re both really good. I’m kinda biased though, since the new ED feels extremely Umineko-y, but still, it’s really good.

I’m kinda surprised that we still haven’t gotten the visuals for it yet. And instead of just having the ED theme play over the final scene of the episode or something, it was another round of having the credits roll over a black screen for the duration of the ED, which makes the continued lack of visuals really noticeable. I guess it’s possible that they just haven’t completed the animation for it yet, but I’m hoping that they’re holding back on it because something about the visuals for it is a spoiler for something that’ll happen in the next episode or two. And that makes me really curious to see what it might show, since at this point there’s only a narrow list of things that could probably be ‘spoilers’ for upcoming stuff in this arc.

Realistically I doubt it’d be on the level of straight up showing Umineko characters, but I’m probably still gonna get my hopes up anyway, lol.

At the very least, with how this episode brings us to 1987, and we know that Rika dies as a teenager in 1988, we’re rapidly approaching the point where everything goes to shit, and we already know that Satoko apparently got contacted by Oyashiro-sama, so honestly it wouldn’t be that strange for some kind of witch character to show up, even if maybe they’ll be presented in a somewhat abstract and indirect way.

Anyway, this episode went a long way to show the path of trauma that leads Satoko to initiating the new loop, but I think there’s going to be more going on in the next episode or so that really pushes her over the edge. Obviously she’s already in a downwards spiral because of Rika drifting away from her, and her being socially isolated all over again, but I don’t think this alone would make her go as far as trapping Rika in an endless torture loop.

I wonder if maybe Satoko is going to start getting directly bullied by the other girls at the school, rather than just being ostracized by them. It’d suck to see it happen, but it’d be the sort of thing that’d make her situation even worse than it is now. 

From what we heard here about how the school runs, I don’t think they’d directly expel Satoko for having low grades, but if she winds up slipping into the Special Class, it’d probably make her feel more and more like everything could fall apart for her at any moment, which could also make her way more volatile.

I’m pretty sure we already know that Rika ends up getting killed in 1988, and that’s how she got thrown into the new loop, so I’m curious to see how that ends up panning out. Satoko might just end up snapping and straight up killing her out of anger, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s some kind of horrible accident. With what Satoko was saying in this episode about wishing she could just have fun setting up traps around the school, I could see her setting up a situation that ends up getting Rika killed.

Either way, it feels like we’re on the brink of disaster, and I’d be surprised if it takes more than one more episode to show how everything falls apart and the loops start.

Which is also making me wonder how the arc as a whole will be paced out. In spite of being the longest arc in the show, it feels like there’s still a LOT that needs to be covered. We still need at least one more episode to conclude this big flashback sequence, then we’ll probably get some sort of flashback to show how the Gou question arcs played out in the background to solve those mysteries, and then we still have to go back to the end of Nekodamashi to follow up on that whole cliffhanger, and get into whatever the true ending of the show will be.

I still doubt that we’ll get a full second season, but I’m just not sure if five more episodes will be enough to do everything it needs to do.

At the very least, I’ve basically given up hope on Gou doing more than the bare minimum to touch upon Rena or Shion’s backstories at this point, lol.

I’m also still wondering what the ending will be like in the first place. Ideally everything would just work out fine and Rika and Satoko will talk things out and resolve everything peacefully after we return to Nekodamashi, but I’m feeling more and more like this will have a darker ending than that. Mostly because it really feels like this is barreling straight towards the ‘Bern/Lambda origin story’ route, and that just makes me feel like the ending will be really depressing and make it more clear why Bern is so messed up in Umineko.

And on that note, on top of it just being really nice teasing, it’s actually kinda neat to see Rika entering this sort of Western-style ‘high society’ life, since it goes a long way to clarify why Bern’s entire personality and aesthetic is the way it is. They never really ‘explained’ it in Umineko, aside from it just matching more with Umineko’s more Western-style setting, and in a lot of ways it feels like this ‘explanation’ was thought up way after Umineko was written anyway, but even as a retroactive explanation it’s still nice to see them show why Rika ends up that way. They haven’t shown exactly why she’s so bitter in Umineko, but at least now we know why she’s the sort of person who likes stuff like this.

In a lot of ways, everything about this whole arc and the St. Lucia’s stuff kinda feels like Ryukishi’s sort of clumsy way of directly tying together these loose threads between Higurashi and Umineko, and showing us exactly why Bern ends up the way she does. I kinda agree with the criticisms I’ve seen that Rika apparently idolizing high society upper-class life and seeing St Lucia’s of all places as Heaven on earth feels really forced, and I think that has a lot to do with what I said about how Ryukishi probably just designed Bern as a Western-style goth lolita because that fit Umineko’s setting more, and he’s only just now trying to go back and give an in-universe explanation for it via Gou. So for better or worse it kinda has this vibe of retconning parts of her character in order to brute-force this connection between the two series.

Though I can’t help but be OK with it, at least for now, since it just makes it feel like he’d only be this overt about it if he was actually setting up for something better that justified making up all this new story stuff just to contextualize Bern’s whole character in Umineko. It might just be his way of tying things together and he’s not setting up for anything, but it’d feel like a waste at this point if he’s not, considering how many people are already feeling like he’s messing with Rika’s character retroactively to make it all tie into Umineko. So it’d at least feel more justified if it’s actually setting up for something along the lines of an Umineko anime remake, even if that’s still probably just wishful thinking. 

Anyway, I think this episode is gonna cause lots of discourse about how people feel about both Rika and Satoko’s choices in this episode, but my stance right now is just that they’re both understandable, while also both being in the wrong in their own ways. Ultimately this just boils down to them not communicating with each other properly. I can see what people mean by Rika’s whole attitude here feeling out of character, but I can understand why she’s genuinely enjoying her new life, and honestly she’s always had major issues with not talking to people about things and just going with the flow, so I get why she’s not doing more to reach out to Satoko, especially since doing so would mean rocking the boat with her new friends who clearly all look down on Satoko.

And on the other side of things, I think Satoko’s whole side of things makes total sense, even though she’s also in the wrong for continuing to respond to trauma by bottling it all up and rejecting any help or communication that people offer her. That at least feels like a totally natural extension of her personality, especially when you think about how the current timeline is one where Teppei never came back to the village, and so she never had to have her whole character arc where she learns how to open up about her trauma to people and seek help. Also the end of the episode makes it feel pretty likely that this is going in the direction of her re-developing HS, which would go a long way to explain why she’d go into a full on downwards spiral, mentally. I highly doubt that she actually got completely cured for good, even if Hanyuu’s absence changed how the virus works.

Which also reminds me that we still haven’t heard anything about what happened to Satoshi, despite them talking about the virus more or less going away. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s past the point of no return, and learning about his fate might be one of the things that fully pushes Satoko over the edge.

Either way, I get why a lot of people don’t really like where this is all going, but I’m at least enjoying it for what it is [even though I’ve had to really readjust my expectations for it, lol]. But tbh at this point a big chunk of this is just me being hype about the pipe dream of a new Umineko anime, and if this ends up not leading to that, I’ll probably be a lot harsher on Gou in hindsight after it ends.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[stephinsshortstories]

Story 2.1: Student Lounge Smoothies

(Part 1, I hope?) A confession from one athlete to another, and all the anxiety that comes with it. Sometimes you just gotta swallow that lump in your throat and shoot your shot!

Like 1.1, this story is one of my most “realistic” premises. That means a believable setup, and no magic or plot tomfoolery! Themes include wlw crushes, the dynamics of asking someone out, and other beautifully human experiences.

This is another fairly early work of mine, and it’s written from a perspective I have only partially experienced myself, so it’s a bit of an experiment! Please share constructive critique if you’ve got it.

While the following story doesn’t contain overtly sexual content, I still ask those under the age of 18 to pass on it. Also, be warned, it can take up a lot of space on your dash!

The locker room flooded with bodies quickly. It was Friday, everyone was desperate to get changed and get out, and Coach Theresa always made Friday workouts the worst. “To make sure nobody gets lazy,” she’d say. The atmosphere hung heavy with sweat and a generally ubiquitous urge to not be there longer than necessary.

         Like most of the university lacrosse team, Kate was in a hurry to split.

         “Dammit…” she whispered to herself, seeing the line forming for the showers. She hadn’t muscled her way in enough in the initial rush; most of the team beat her to the stalls. Still, she decided with a groan, they were faster than going back to her dorm.

         Not being able to do much before a proper shower, Kate waffled for time. She hang restlessly at her locker, watching small pockets of conversation ripple through her teammates. A couple of her friends passed her on the way out, and she resolved with them to hang out in the student union tomorrow night, and threw in a few jovial complaints about their Molecular Bio lab project. Kate watched a majority of the girls trickle out over ten, maybe fifteen minutes, and silently castigated herself for not pushing more every time someone left. How very freshman of her.

         Nineteen, and still can’t grow a goddam spine, she thought.

         By the time Kate finally got in and out of a shower, only a few of her teammates remained. Trish, Gina, and Dana were discussing something by their lockers, Yasmin was tying her shoes to leave, and someone whose name she tentatively thought was… Verdana? Verona? Whoever. She was stuffing dirty clothes into a drawstring bag.

         Nobody’s really focused on me… I think I’m okay to get changed, Kate reported to herself. Equal parts social anxiety, shyness over changing publicly, and shyness over her outfit made her tense and hyper-vigilant. Today even more than usual. When she’d first arrived on campus in the fall, some new friends had quietly and coyly recommended her a certain club downtown. Now was finally the Friday night Kate had mustered the courage to go out, and really experience nightlife… her parents had been pretty strict, and while she’d had her fair share of boyfriends (and a few very secret stints with some girls, as experiments), the hot, neon, underground appeal of a real nightclub represented a whole new level of tantalizing freedom. Dances, drinks, the like…

         Kate shook herself from the daydream and began to quickly put herself together. Along with clothes and shower gear, she had a makeup kit and a brush with her - she planned on meeting her friends downtown right after practice. However, after just a few minutes, less than half dressed…

         “Hey. Katelyn, right?” a voice over her shoulder asked. Kate jumped. Wheeling around quickly, she was met face-to-face by the toned, imposing figure of Quinn Baker, the team captain, standing over her. She seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

         “Yeah! Uh - yeah. Kate. What’s up?” Kate stammered, finally regaining composure halfway through.

         “Quinn. Captain Quinn. Yeah, yeah, good to meet ya - can we talk for a minute?” Quinn was still wet, and was wearing a t-shirt and a towel on her waist - she must’ve been in the shower when Kate had scanned the room.

         “Yeah, uh - sure, what do you need?” Kate was startled sick, which turned to heavy nervousness; the only reason she could think of for a captain to be pulling aside a random freshman on a team dozens strong would be for a chew-out. Kate’s mind was racing, but she was utterly sure that that would be the last thing she could handle right now.

         “I just wanted to ask you a few things,” Quinn, noticing Kate sweating bullets, tried to ease back. “Nobody’s in trouble… but for starters, thanks for picking lax, always good to see new recruits and all.”

         “Uh, yeah, I played it through high school, wanted to stick with it here. Nice to meet you… what did you need to ask me?”

         “Well, kinda a lie, I more want to talk to you than ask you stuff. First of all, I take it you have plans tonight? You seemed to be getting dressed up in a hurry. Most people don’t wait long for shower here.”

         “Yeah, meeting some friends at a restaurant downtown. The walk back to the dorm would’ve taken longer…”

         “Fair enough. But Kate, you don’t need to bullshit me. It’s not a restaurant, is it?

         Kate began to sweat again. She didn’t mean to lie, but saying she was going clubbing to the team captain wasn’t a good plan. Quinn continued, as if reading her mind,

         “Probably clubbing or something, right? That seems a bit better fitting for a sleeved tube top and jeans. Don’t worry. Everybody’s played the fake-ID game at some point. I’m not gonna cut you from the team or anything for it. But I also take it from how buggy you are right now (and the outfit) that this is gonna be your first time. Nervous and shit, right?”

         “Right. Going to a place a few friends whispered to me about,” Kate blushed. Quinn seemed cool, anyway… she was standing really close.

         “Yeah,” Quinn leaned against the bank of lockers and folded her arms. “And I also figure you’re interested in more than drinks… you may want to stuff those in a zip pocket.”

         Kate blushed much harder, pushing the two condom packets deeper into the coin pocket on her jeans and averting her gaze. Arms folded under the chest, she couldn’t help but think, was a good look for Quinn…

         “And-“ Quinn lowered her voice, speaking subtly- “you didn’t zip your bag all the way. Those pins on the jacket in there… you’re interested in an overnight, not necessarily with a guy… aren’t you?”

         “Uh! I dunno-! I-“ Kate’s face flared red and she began to panic, eyes darting around. She clenched her bag to her chest nervously. She wasn’t comfortable pinning down a sexual preference yet, and had hoped the club excursions would help her find out. The pins on her jacket were a plan to attract anyone she could - now, mortifyingly, she was found out. By the captain of her lacrosse team, no less.

         “Listen. Calm down, or you’ll out yourself before anyone else. Don���t freak out, I’ve been there too. Most people have. I’m not gonna repeat it. But I am gonna tell you this - the age restrictions on clubs are there for a reason, and it isn’t just the booze. As a senior, let me tell you to steer clear of those joints until you’re more acclimated to the area… and maybe have a bit more confidence, with friends you’ve known longer, too. Most people there are normal, but there are creeps, and they can smell green from across the floor. Don’t worry. There are other ways to find a good time.” Quinn patted Kate on the shoulder, and left for her locker.

         Kate was numb. She was still terrified, a bit traumatized by suddenly meeting an upperclassman like that, but also… relieved. For every bit of curiosity and desire for freedom in her head, there had been three huge chunks of nervousness. Subconsciously, she’d already known what Quinn said, but it was nice to hear it from someone else. It gave Kate a justification to herself to cancel, and breathe a sigh of relief. Other ways to find a good time, Quinn repeated in her mind.

         She called her friends, getting out with the excuse that Coach had held the team after practice for a meeting, and resumed getting dressed. Torn jeans, sleeved tube top… yeah, kind of clueless attire for clubbing, she supposed. Then, the jacket… Kate pulled it out of her bag and looked at it for a moment. Leather the color of dark chocolate, cut to the rib line, the right lapel sporting a handful of pins including the pansexual pride flag. She did honestly consider herself pansexual… but she did still need to experiment, too. Kate stared at the pins. She gulped down a bold idea, steeling herself. On the bright side, at least Quinn had already broken the ice…

         Most of the girls had left the locker room by this point. Quinn herself had her bag slung over her shoulder and was headed out.

         “See ya around,” she waved as she passed Kate.

         Gulping, slinging the jacket on, and grabbing her bag, Kate started after Quinn. Her nerves were freezing over, but once she was in motion she couldn’t stop. She grabbed Quinn’s shoulder just as she exited out into the main athletics hallway.

         “Hey, um…”

         “Yeah? What’s up?” Quinn responded brightly, amazing Kate with her relaxedness.

         “Well, I really appreciate what you said. I… I needed to hear it. And you’re really cool, keeping things low-key.”

         “Yeah, uh, no problem, I mean-“

         “Do you want to get a drink with me?” Kate’s impulses pulled the trigger, for better or worse, before her anxiety could get in the way. Her heart stopped.

         “Weh- uh, uh… y-yeah. I guess so,” Quinn stammered, dumbstruck. Kate barely noticed her own amusement at the towering senior’s break in compsure, given the crushing tightness in her chest. Her heart began to pound - Quinn had actually said yes! She honestly hadn’t thought this far ahead.

         “We - uh, we could get smoothies or something from the student lounge… guess I technically shouldn’t get actual drinks with my captain right now,”

         Quinn giggled a bit. “Yeah, totally. It’s… uh…” she paused.

         Kate’s chest could barely expand for her to breathe.

         “…It’s on the way to my apartment.”

[havendance]

The Gaang as MASKS Playbooks

(Because I am nothing if not a creator of niche content when I actually make stuff.)

This is for the Alternate Universe where they’re all superheroes because I love both MASKS and Avatar and I have opinions that I’m going to share. There’s at least two potential playbooks for each character because there’s a lot of possibilities and different playbooks can focus on different aspects of the characters. Plus, more option is always good. 

Anyway, without further ado (under the cut because this got long, I have a lot of thoughts on this matter apparently) the Gaang as MASKS playbooks:

Aang

The Legacy - This is the one that makes the most sense to me and the one that I feel most reflects Aang’s core internal conflict in the show. The legacy is all about bearing the weight of previous generations and their accomplishments and actions. Aang is just the latest in a long line of heroes known as The Avatar who can wield all four elements. For the portion of the playbook that’s about interacting with previous members of the legacy, you could either go with him talking with the past lives like we see in the show or, alternatively, the past couple Avatars could still be alive and kicking. Either way, they’re still watching what he’s doing and trying to push him in what they think is the right direction.

The Nova - This one fits a little less but could still work. The Nova playbooks’ about having a huge amount of power that you can’t necessarily control. For the most part in the show, we don’t see Aang worrying about not being able to control his bending, but this playbook would play more into his fear of losing control in the Avatar state and his worries about hurting someone with firebending.

The Outsider - Okay, this one is a bit of a stretch since the playbooks’ weighted in favor of the hero being an alien or from another dimension. But! I feel like you could definitely hack the playbook to accommodate Aang just being from a hundred years in the past as well if you want to play with that aspect of canon Aang. This playbook would definitely lean more into the whole ‘a lot has changed in a hundred years’ thing. (The Innocent playbook is explicitly from the past, however, it also has a future, supervillain version of yourself running around which, while could be cool for Aang, also deviates a lot from canon

Katara

I’m going to be honest, Katara was the hardest one for me to come up with. None of the MASKS playbooks’ particular flavors of teenage angst really jive with Katara’s drive and passion to help people and make the world better after it hurt her. I’m going to toss out a few options here, but if anyone else has any better ideas here, feel free to add on.

The Legacy - Katara as this playbook would really play into her status as the last Southern Waterbender. It’d take tweaking of the playbook but you could shift it so it’s about this legacy of heroes and more about the legacy of her culture. So it’s less about the outward pressure to uphold the legacy and more about the inward pressure from herself to uphold it.

The Protege - The Protoge playbook has a specific mentor who’s trying to shape the hero into their vision of how a hero should be. Using this playbook, you could definitely really examine her relationship with Pakku or Hama. However, it’d definitely be exploring more of a niche of Katara than her overall character.

The Soldier - Once again, this recommendation is based less on canon and more on stories that would be potentially interesting to tell. The Soldier playbook focuses on the relationship between a hero and the larger organization that they’re a part of (the generic on the game gives is a SHEILD equivalent). I could see Katara being a passionate member of a similar organization (possibly one White Lotus themed since this is the Avatar version of MASKS) and trying to change the world through that. I feel like this is one where Katara’s character could definitely shine, however, it’s definitely a setup that doesn’t have a lot of basis in canon so if you were wanting to play Avatar more straight in MASKS it wouldn’t work as well.

Sokka

The Beacon  - Sokka is a textbook beacon. The beacon is a low-powered hero who’s in the heroing business because it’s fun and exciting and a lot of their angst draws from the fact that they aren’t really sure if they belong in a world of superpowered individuals. Sokka’s got his boomerang, he’s got his sword, and he’s got his tactical mind. All of his friends are like crazy powerful. He’s the Beacon.

The Joined - The joined is a playbook that shares a lot of the material of another playbook; the two characters have a close relationship. Now, I’m not saying that Sokka’s just playing second fiddle to Katara. What I am saying is that it was Katara’s idea to become a superhero in the first place and she dragged him along with her into it. Did Sokka want to be a hero? No, he want to stay home and focus on taking care of his family. He didn’t want to be the Painted Dude or whatever Katara said his hero name should be. But does his sister listen to him? No.

Suki

I, unfortunately, have less to say about Suki. We should’ve gotten more of her in the show, that’s what I’m going to chalk it up to.

The Protege - Okay. I will admit, this one is purely what I think would be cool and isn’t actually based in canon. But imagine: Suki as the protoge of Avatar Kyoshi who’s still alive, still kick ass, and still very opinionated. Can’t you see the glory? The potential?

The Soldier - This playbook would probably reflect her most accurately. She’s a member of the Kyoshi Warriors first and foremost in the show and her interactions with the Gaang are always affected by that. In a superhero setting, I could definitely see her and the other Kyoshi warriors being some sort of superhero squad that works throught the SHEILD equivalent

Toph

The Janus - The Janus is the spiderman playbook. You’ve got a mundane life, you’ve got a secret identity, and you’ve got to balance them. Toph is rich heiress of the Bei Fong family by day, and notorious vigilante The Blind Bandit by night. This is the perfect playbook to explore the dual life Toph led before she straight up joined the game. Her parents are super annoying, her life’s a drag, at least as a hero she can be free and who she really is.

The Delinquent - The Delinquent is, in essence, a rebel. Try and tell me that that’s not Toph ‘Let’s break some rules!’ Bei Fong. I mean, just look at some of those playbook moves: Troublemaker, I don’t care what you think!, Team? What Team?, Mary Contrary. Those are such Toph moves.

Zuko

Okay, Zuko has a lot of possibilities. I’m going to blame it on the sheer amount of angst that boy has packed into him.

The Soldier - Okay. I know that I’m using the soldier a lot (it’s because they’re all child soldiers) but hear me out. This would be Zuko if you wanted to play with him going through his redemption. In this case, the Fire Nation wouldn’t super obviously supervillains. They’d probably be some sort of organization that looks outwardly good but is secretly fishy. Ozai’s at the top and of course Zuko’s loyal to them. They’re the good guys. (They aren’t.) The soldier isn’t specifically about breaking away from your organization but it definitely can be.

The Reformed - This playbook fits post redemption Zuko like a glove. The Reformed playbook is one where you were specifically a supervillain previously. You’ve done villainous things, but now you’re a good guy and it’s complicated. I don’t think I really need to explain why this playbook is Zuko. It just is.

The Janus - This is for all of you Blue Spirit!Zuko needs. Look, his life sucks, his Dad’s a jerk. There’s way too much expected of him. At least he can put on this Blue Spirit mask and go out and do vigilante stuff.

The Scion - I’m going to be honest, I’m not super familiar with this playbook but I feel like I have to mention it because it’s about being the child of a supervillain. So I’m tossing it out there. Other people who actually know about this playbook can talk about whether or not it actually fits Zuko.

Bonus:

Mai - The Beacon. She’s the least enthusiastic Beacon you’ll ever meet, but look at her and tell me that she’s not in this because being a hero is the most interesting thing that’s ever happened to her. Her life was so boring before Ty Lee walked up to her and was like hey, let’s be vigilantes together. She’d never admit it, but she loves being a hero.

Ty Lee - The Star. The Star playbook is all about being flamboyant, showy, a celebrity. Being a hero is what separates her from her sisters and she’s going to milk it up. She’s still non-powered for the first part, only having her martial arts and auras, but she knows how to play it up. She definitely has a huge social media following.

Finally, The Outsider playbook could work for any of the characters if you just want to play it straight as a character from the Avatar universe getting dragged into this alternate world of superheroes.

Feel free to discuss and share any ideas you have!

[holidaywishes]

It Had To Be You XXXIX

Chapter 39: I’m In Love Without You

  Summary: “I never meant to hurt you. Honestly. Everything just kind of happened so quickly and I didn’t.. feel you anymore. Does that make sense?”

  Warning: Melancholia? like not angst but not anger or depression just kinda like.. sorta sad? There’s no actual Tyler in this chapter, just talk of him -- so you’re welcome to skip it if that’s not your cuppa tea but I really hope you don’t! 😊

  Author’s Note: I already had this one in the back of my head when I wrote the last chapter so I figured I’d put it out as soon as I could before I completely forget it. So here you go, it’s a short chapter and it takes place about six months after the last chapter (so like June 2022?) but I’ve been listening to this song like non-stop and it made me think of James and (Y/N). Enjoy!

  Song Credit: I’m In Love Without You -- FINNEAS (the beginning of this song gives me chills every time; give it a listen you won’t be disappointed)

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  While Tyler was occupied with Hockey, you had been planning the wedding but it was proving to be much more difficult than you thought.

  “I think you need to come back home,” your sister said over the phone, “you know, for support.”

  “This is home. Besides, I can’t leave now. I’ve got Lionel and the season’s over. They need me...” you hesitated, not fully believing the words that came out of your mouth

  “The season’s over and Ty’s going to do what he always does. Train and head out to a warm place with a beach and an ocean and bring along his buddies. He doesn’t need you for that.”

  “Yikes. That’s not really what a girl wants to hear about her fiancé.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” she corrected, “I just meant there’s no harm in you popping back to Calgary so your family can help plan your wedding; that you haven’t decided on a date for.” She mumbled the last part under her breath and you called her on it but she just ignored you, “look, if it’s about the dog, bring him. I’d love to meet him!”

  “I don’t know,” you hesitated, “I’d have to put him in cargo and he’s never been on a plane before. He’s still pretty much a puppy you know. Plus, what about Ty’s dogs?”

  “Bring them too?”

  “Luce...”

  “Come on! I haven’t seen my baby sister in ages and now that she’s getting married, I won’t ever see her again.”

  “Hey!” you practically snapped, “that’s not true. Of course you’ll see me.”

  “No I’ll see the two of you. The you that is the ‘us.’ Sometimes, I just need sister time.” You understood where she was coming from and you would be lying if you didn’t agree on some level with what she was saying so you agreed to go back to Calgary after Tyler started BioSteel Camp but you had to admit, you were kind of relieved to know that you would have some people to help plan this wedding with you. When you landed in Calgary, you sent a quick text to Lucy, who came to meet you at the airport.

 “I knew you’d head out here,” she taunted, smiling at you, “you can’t plan a wedding with no family”

  “Sure you can,” you added, “people do it all the time.”

  “Yeah but...” she stammered, “they’re not surrounded by hockey players”

  “I think you’d be surprised how many hockey players are good at the wedding planning stuff. Ty, however, is not one of those. He’s happy to just let me handle it.”

  “See...” she laughed, “you need us!” You sighed before admitting she was right

  “If Ty’s sisters were in Dallas, it wouldn’t be so bad but they’re up in Toronto you know?” you said, “if I’m gonna head up anyway, I may as well just go home.” She nodded in agreement before smiling at you. The two of you headed back to Lucy’s place because she was hoping to surprise Chris and Karen and you were happy to indulge her.

  “I notice there is no dog...” she questioned

  “Ty said he’d be happy to keep all four of them. Said it would help push him to train more or something.”

  “Ahh I see..”

  “Yup.” The two of you laughed; a text came through from Chris

  “Just checkin’ in. You’re never too old for me to do that you know!”

  “Do they know yet?” Lucy said as she glanced at your screen and saw his name.

  “Yes!” you answered, but furrowed your brow, “I think so. I’m pretty sure.. It’s been six months so I’m positive I told them after it happened”

  “How can you not remember?” she laughed

  “A lot was happening,” you smiled, “there was a party and Candace came down so we spent some time together. She made herself a bridesmaid by the way”

  “As long as she didn’t claim Maid of Honour,” she said, narrowing her eyes at you, “I don’t care”

  “Just bridesmaid, which I would’ve made her and Cass anyway,” you added, “but I’m sure I told Chris and Karen.” You thought about it more as Lucy began dialing Chris’ number,

  “Hey Chris!” she greeted, hitting your shoulder to get you to pay attention when she noticed you weren’t looking in her direction, “I’m just wondering if you and Karen could come over and help me organize my office. I’m just a little overwhelmed.” She put him on speaker

  “Why are you organizing your office?” he answered

  “Because I’m bored, I don’t know. Why aren’t you organizing your office?” she snapped back

  “You want our help? I’d check your tone if I were you.” You raised your eyebrows at your sister to get her to calm down and she winced in your direction, knowing you were right

  “I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m overwhelmed” she shrugged and you laughed silently to yourself. Chris agreed, like he always did and like you knew he would, and Lucy said she’d seen him soon before they hung both hung up.

  “You’re lucky he didn’t snap at you”

  “Chris would never!” she joked and you nodded knowing she was probably right

  “Whatever,” you laughed, “I’m going to take a shower before they get here.” It didn’t take long for them to get there and you were rushed to Lucy’s room so she could distract them enough for you to get ready. When you popped your head into Lucy’s office, Karen was the first to see you and her high-pitched scream made you cover your ears sarcastically.

  “What are you doing here?!” she exclaimed

  “Shouldn’t you be in Dallas with your fiancé?” Chris teased

  “HA!” you shouted, turning to Lucy, “I knew I told them!” Everyone laughed for a few seconds before eventually asking why you were really home

  “Everything’s okay right?” Chris said

  “Of course!” you giggled, “I just thought.. maybe.. you’d like to help me plan the wedding a little?”

  “Oh..” Chris hesitated, “that’s a thing for you girls. I’d be no good in that situation.”

  “Hmm...” you hummed, “fine, but please be there when I’m trying on dresses. Your opinion means a lot to me.”

  “You got it, kiddo.” You returned the smile he gave you as Karen and Lucy bombarded you with questions and directed you toward the kitchen table.

xx

  After about two weeks of deciding dates, colours and themes, occasionally checking with Tyler to get his thoughts which proved to be ineffective since all he said seemed to be

  “I trust you.” You could hear him smiling on the other end of the phone but it wasn’t exactly the answer you wanted to hear

  “It’s your wedding too, dummy,” you joked, “I want it you to have some say.”

  “I love you and I trust your judgement. Anything you choose, I’ll love because you chose it. All I need is you.” You smiled but rolled your eyes before hanging up. After that, you kept him up to date on how everything was going but none of the details, except the important ones; you know, like the date. Karen had found a great bridal boutique and called them to make a reservation for later in the week but to be completely honest, you couldn’t picture your wedding dress.

  “I wish we could’ve gone to the one on T.V. The Say Yes to the Dress store.” Karen sighed as she got off the phone

  “I don’t need that. All of those dresses, all those options, would give me way too much anxiety,” you smiled, “besides, I don’t even have a venue picked out to know what kind of dress to look for.”

  “Let your dress pick the venue.” Lucy said, wrapping her arm around you in a side hug

  “I like that,” you returned, “I think I’ll do just that.”

  “Good!” She said victoriously and you laughed.

  “Hey, I gotta go. I’m meeting up with Diana and Ethan downtown for lunch,” you interjected, “apparently they’re in town for a bit.”

  “Ahh what a coincidence!” Karen said

  “Meh, not really.” You replied, shrugging to yourself, “I told them I was heading out here and I wouldn’t be surprised if they booked their tickets after i booked mine.”

  “Me either” Karen and Lucy said at the same time, chuckling afterward. Seeing them acting all dorky together made you happy that you agreed to come home. You never truly realized how much family meant to you until you didn’t have it right around the corner everyday.

xx

  On your way downtown to meet your best friends, you decided to stop at one of your favourite spots in the city, Snap Foto Club, if for no other reason than to people watch. You watched as crowds lined up in front of the various wing backdrops for their perfect Instagram shot; taking a seat on a bench just far enough away to watch all the girlfriends beg their boyfriends to take as many shots as possible of them in the bathtub full of rose petals. 

  “(Y/N))?” you heard a familiar voice call from behind you and you slowly turned your head, “I thought it was you!”

  “James?”

  “How have you been?!”

  “Good, I’m good. How about you?” It was weird to see James after all this time but he still managed to give you comfort

  “I’m good! Wow. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” He stated, “I never thought I’d see you again. You here alone?”

  “Yeah, I just stopped in to people watch before I met up with Diana and Ethan..” you smiled, “you here alone?”

  “Uhh, yeah,” he said, guiding you to a quieter area, “let’s talk for a bit. I’d love to catch up! Unless you’re in a rush?”

  “No, no. I can chat for a bit.” You replied, following his lead, “you look good, James.”

  “Thank you!” he smiled, “I’m Keto now.” You winced at his response and he laughed, “I know I know,” he shrugged, “I just.. needed a change.”

  “How’s.. Freddy? That was her name right?” you asked sheepishly

  “Good. Good, I assume” he answered and you awkwardly tried to backtrack

  “Oh. Oh god. I’m sorry, I just assumed--” you said, burying your face in your hands, “I just remember you being so.. into her.”

  “Yeah, I was,” he started, “but that was like five years ago. Things change, you know?” You nodded before fidgeting with your engagement ring, clearing your throat

  “Yeah.. they do.” You tried to come up with the words but you weren’t really sure when to say anything or how to say it. ‘Hey ex-boyfriend, I’m engaged. To the guy who you always knew I was in love with but I always tried to play it off like I wasn’t and made you feel paranoid for years... You happy for me?’

  “So how have you been? How’s Tyler?” he blurted out

  “Good. I’m good, he’s good. We’re engaged.” The words came out of your mouth so fast that they actually felt harsh and the silence lingered for only a few seconds before James laughed

  “I heard,” he admitted and you let out a sigh of relief, “congratulations. I’m really happy for you, both of you. I know how much you loved him and how much he loved you. The timing just wasn’t right then. I’m glad it is now.” You were shocked at how well he was taking everything

  “So who is she?” you said, inquisitively, positive that this sudden shift in personality was because he was in love.

  “There’s no girl” he smiled

  “Guy then?” you countered

  “No,” he chuckled, “I’m just making better choices.” You let the words just hang for a second while you thought about what that meant, not really knowing how to proceed.

  “You don’t still love me do you?” was all that came to you and he turned sharply to look at you

  “No.” he stated, “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I still think about you all the time. I’ve had the occasional dream that we were still together. I’ll probably always love you, in some way, but no. I’m not still in love with you.”

  “Good.” you said plainly, ending it with a smile

  “You’re in love without me then?” he continued, but looked straight ahead to avoid your eyes as you answered, “with him?”

  “Yeah. It hasn’t been all fairy tales and rainbows but I feel safe with him.” You replied, biting the inside of your cheek briefly before continuing, “that’s important to me. After everything I’ve been through. I like knowing that he’ll be there for me and that I get to be there for him.” He looked back at you with sorrowful eyes

  “I wish I could’ve been that for you”

  “You were. For a long time. And then you weren’t.” You said, “a lot of that was my fault. My trust issues. I don’t blame you for anything. If anything, I’m grateful for it all. Because our relationship made me understand what love is; how much compromise is actually needed.”

  “You think I’ll ever find a relationship that makes me grateful for all the shit we went through?” he joked

  “Yes. I think you’ll find the perfect person to drive crazy,” you chided, “the perfect person who makes you feel invincible. Who feels like home or Christmas or Chocolate Chip Cookies. Or whatever makes you the happiest you’ve ever been in your life.”

  “I hope you’re right”

  “Just keep doing what you’re doing. Being happy for yourself first is the best thing you can do. Everything else will fall into place when it’s supposed to.”

  “Can I ask a really.. awkward, painful question?” you winced slightly but agreed

  “Go for it”

  “When was the moment you realized it was over between us?” You thought about it for a moment; was it when he forced you to go to the police after your assault? when he cheated on you when you were on another continent? Was it when he offered an open relationship just to see his ‘mistress’?

  “Honestly,” you sighed, picking at your nail beds, “I think I realized it was over when we, both of us, stopped cuddling like we used to.”

  “What do you mean? We always cuddled?”

  “Not really. When we first got together, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and that was typical. But whenever you felt weird about my friendship with Tyler, I felt you pulling away in small ways; like cuddling for a bit and then turning away from me. Initially, I didn’t think anything of it. But when.. what happened happened, I just wanted you to be there. You know? Like I didn’t want sex or to be touched in that way but I wanted to feel like you were still close to me. But you slept in a different room or kept your distance.”

  “You didn’t want me to touch you”

  “I never said I didn’t want you to touch me. I just... It’s hard to explain. There are as many different kinds of touch like there... Pokemon..”

  “Pokemon?”

  “Just go with me. It’s the first thing that came to mind,” you laughed, “There’s the touch that’s more or less meaningless. You know, like a literal touch on the shoulder that you’d get from your parents or gym teacher when they’re proud of you or have to tell you something important -- good or bad. Then there’s the soft touch. The one that you get from the person you love that sparks something in you. Then there’s the steamy touch. The one that leads to other things. Then there’s the sweet touch. The one that calms you down and clears your head. Finally, there’s the touch that you don’t want to feel. The one that you feel before it ever even happens. Before their skin ever meets yours. The one that leaves you feeling like you’ve just been dropped into a sewer and now you’re wondering if you’ll ever stop feeling that touch.” You weren’t sure if he understood what you were saying yet, so you waited until he said something but when he didn’t, you tried to explain, “I didn’t want that ‘steamy’ touch, I wanted the sweet touch. I can’t say for sure that I would’ve accepted it right away because I might have still been too fragile. But you didn’t try. It’s all so contradictory I know. I respect that you wanted to give me my space until I was okay again but I just wanted some way to not feel so awful about myself...”

  “So that’s when you stopped loving me?” You furrowed your brow

  “What? Whoa.. no. That’s a whole other question, and a whole other answer,” you confessed, “I stopped loving you when I left...” You noticed the confusion on his face and you cleared your throat to continue, “I never stopped loving you even when I felt like I lost you, even when you cheated on me and everything else that followed. Even during our last fight when I told you I kissed Tyler and we went back and forth about how it shouldn’t have been him. You remember that fight?”

  “Yeah.. you walked out on me after I said I didn’t want you to go.” You nodded

  “I needed you to realize that you lost. But I realized in that moment that our relationship was always going to be about him in some way. So, I had to say goodbye, but I still loved you. You were the only kind of love I had known for so long and I couldn’t just ignore that but I also couldn’t ignore the fact that when I left, when I walked out that door and cried my way to my sisters place,” you said, straightening your posture, “I felt like a giant weight had been lifted. It still hurt like a bitch but I knew it was right. I never meant to hurt you. Honestly. Everything just kind of happened so quickly and I didn’t.. feel you anymore. Does that make sense?” He nodded, indicating he understood, standing up and gesturing for you to do the same. He pulled you in for a hug and you squeezed him tightly

  “You’ll always be the one that got away” he smiled against your ear

  “You’ll always be the one that taught me what love is.” He walked you out and the two of you parted ways one last time. And it finally felt like you had closure.

[flatsuke]

The Tragedy of Eisuke, or another Eisuke Meta

So I’m back on my bullshit, and I’m going to go on yet another tangent on Eisuke, so please bear with me if I ramble on at times lmao. For the purposes of this meta, I’m going to use screenshots from both main stories, POVs, and substories. Even if the substories happened in AUs, his characterization and personality are still canon. 

Disclaimer: This is all my opinion and in no way am I claiming this is the absolute truth lmao. This is just how I interpret Eisuke and the events in the game. Also, this is going to be a very long post peppered with memes (ty Screenshots of Despair) and game screencaps, so good luck reading through this really long post.

I’ve replayed some of Eisuke’s stories again, and wow, sometimes I feel like I discover facets of him that weren’t obvious to me before. I think I’ve said this many times before, but man....Eisuke’s such a complex character that it’s so fun to dissect him. 

The first thing I want to bring up are the recurring themes present in his characterization: power and utilitarianism. In almost all of his stories, power is explored in different ways — from the most superficial point of view, we see Eisuke exhibit his economic ad social power as a internationally renowned hotel mogul. There’s the power he has as the boss of his company and the leader of the bidders. 

That aside, Eisuke values utilitarianism to a nigh obsessive extent. Every decision he makes is based on how it’d benefit himself and his interests, and his standard for measuring a person is based on how useful they are. Basically, he quantifies everything and everyone.

The interesting thing I wanted to point out was the he didn’t start off that way, rather, he grew into that. There was once a time when he was idealistic and still had faith in people. But that time is long gone. 

(RIP that smile)

I think it’s tragic to see what Eisuke could have been. We see how he was as a kid in the Examination of the Heart Story. In this AU, he never experienced his mother’s death and family’s downfall. He was a kind, caring, and thoughtful child. He went out of his way to visit MC almost every day to take care of her. He even goes to medical school all for the sake of curing MC’s heart disease! I’m inclined to think that if the Kuga family was never separated, he would have grown up to become softer and kinder.

Sadly, the canon timeline has a much more unfortunate turn. Eisuke ended up adopted into the Ichinomiya household at seven years old after his family separated. The seed of self-doubt and insecurity was planted, and it only grew downhill from there. 

He grew up in an environment where all his actions were judged because he wasn’t a real Ichinomiya. He was constantly scrutinized and judged, so he couldn’t afford to trust anyone. The fact that he was never an Ichinomiya became a lifelong insecurity for him. According to Akira, Eisuke was a lonely child.

That lonely child grew up into a cynical and apathetic teenager. Teenage!Eisuke believed that since his path was set for him, he didn’t have to try hard to do anything. So he slacked off in school, only bothering to do the bare minimum of everything. He never thought about the consequences of his actions, either; he picked fights with pretty much everyone who pissed him off and he spoke his mind, not caring about what would happen to him or to anyone around him. He was never held accountable for anything, so why did he have to bother? Let everyone shit on him like they always did since nothing could bad could happen to him. 

This all changed when Frank, the headmaster’s son, framed Eisuke for starting a fire in one of the buildings at their boarding school. Here, Eisuke starts to realize that his complacency towards everything is biting him in the ass. The seed of insecurity in him morphed into a seed that hated himself for being weak and powerless This is where Eisuke’s fixation on power comes from. 

It only becomes worse when Luke takes the fall in Eisuke’s place. Here, Eisuke truly understands that his lack of power doesn’t only affect himself, but also the others around him. What’s sad is that Luke willingly took the heat for Eisuke out of  affection; he expected nothing in return from Eisuke because Luke viewed it as an act of friendship. However, Eisuke doesn’t think like that — he sees it as transactional. Eisuke becomes downright obsessed with paying Luke back for everything. In fact, it becomes a core facet of his personality.

He views debt as a sign of weakness. He even sees his relationship with Akira as transactional; Akira took him in raised him, so he felt like he had to pay Akira back. Eisuke felt like everything he owned had to be earned. He studied business and economics because that would benefit the company the most. Hell, his entire motivation for making the Ichinomiya Group the huge conglomerate it is today was because he wanted to prove to everyone that he deserved his place because he worked for it. 

On that subject, Eisuke always feels like he has to prove himself. He does everything he can to make himself useful so people can’t tear him down for being a liability. This is why he views everything with a utilitarian lens; if he isn’t useful, then he’s worthless. I was reading his Bidding on Eisuke Story and these lines really got the point across:

In this AU, MC is the owner of the Tres Spades and Eisuke a nameless nobody. She rescues Eisuke from the black market auctions by bidding on him. MC tells him he’s free to go. But the first thing he does after that? He offers himself as payment. The story doesn’t go into detail about his past, but it’s implied he was used mainly for sex. He didn’t have anything to offer her aside from his body, and he didn’t want to be seen as useless. So the most logical course of action in his head was to offer sex to her. In the process, he effectively dehumanized himself just to pay back what he perceived as a debt.

It’s easy to see him as arrogant, and ostensibly, he is. But I really think he has a crippling sense of self-worth because he bases it on how powerful and useful he thinks he should be. In essence, he has an inferiority superiority complex; he acts haughty and prideful, but that’s only because he’s afraid of being replaced, rejected, and abandoned. 

(Nothing screams Eisuke more than Oh No! by Marina and the Diamonds lmao.)

I’m not sure if he actually even loves himself, to be honest. Sure, he’s confident on the outside, and he believes his merit and abilities got him to where he is today ...but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s happy with himself. His self-esteem is so fragile because he always quantifies everything he does. If he isn’t perfect, then he’s not worth it. This is why he always pushes himself to the extreme (and I daresay this is why he overcompensates with MC when it comes to sex, giving gifts, etc.).

Luke even says so himself:

The sad part is he probably isn’t even aware of it. He’s probably one of the lesser self-aware bidders, if not the least. He knows that his lot in life wasn’t the best, but he doesn’t realize how this affected his emotional state. He is by far, the least emotionally mature among the bidders because he literally cannot process his feelings properly. His Main Story POV gives us a really good example:

On a base level, he’s aware of what jealousy is and what it entails, but he’s so repulsed by the idea that he can feel jealousy that he vehemently denies it. After all, why should he be jealous of the others if MC likes him the best? At least.....that’s what he tries to tell himself anyway. Again, he doesn’t realize how insecure he really is.

If he isn’t repressing or denying his feelings, then he’s turning to sex as a coping mechanism. If I has to list every scene where Eisuke has sex with MC to fend off his anxiety, this post would be too long lmao. In Eisuke’s mind, dealing with feelings scares him so much that he’d rather bury them or distract himself. Still, that doesn’t mean his feelings go away, no matter much he wants them to.

(It’s a cold day in hell if Eisuke isn’t actively repressing his emotions.)

With all this considered, Eisuke definitely knows he isn’t easy to love. Hell, I think he expected to get through life without anyone ever loving him. Meeting MC was a literal miracle because she is the One Person who could love him unconditionally. Loving him takes a lot of understanding and empathy, and he knows he’s really fucking lucky he has MC in his life. I’m honestly not surprised at how possessive and protective he is over her. Deep down, I think he’s insecure that MC might leave him one day, so he tries his best to keep her satisfied (especially physically) so she doesn’t have any reason to go (again, this is a manifestation of his utilitarianism).

Even though he still sometimes feels like he has to prove his power and usefulness to her, he’s slowly (and I say very, very slowly) getting comfortable with the idea that maybe, he can let his guard down around her. Intuitively, he knows she won’t think he’s weak for being open.....but that seed of self-doubt in him hasn’t completely gone away yet. 

I think it’ll be a long time till we can see him completely open up to her, but part of what makes his story so interesting is the slow process he goes through to reach emotional maturity. He’s not quite there yet, but he’s trying, and I think that deserves some credit.

In conclusion,

He needs a goddamn hug 

[waterparchive]

Toxic Fandom, Public Heartbreak, And The Feedback Loop

Travis Riddle – October 29, 2019

Fandom by Waterparks is one of my favorite albums of the year, regardless of the fact that…I am friends with the band. There was not a single track that immediately stood out as my favorite like Take Her to the Moon and Peach on previous albums--but I think that's because everything on this one is so good, it's impossible to choose one. I Miss Sex/War Crimes/I Felt Younger would probably comprise my top 3, but every song is fantastic. And the album is on the shorter side but you truly don't feel that length, these songs all go through so many different movements--lyrically and musically--that every song is just dense as hell and it feels a lot longer than it is, while still not feeling overwhelming or messy at all. It flows great and hits some really interesting themes.

This write-up was initially sent to Awsten on the album’s release date, and I’ve edited it a little below for clarity/brevity, because I would not shut up about it.

1. Cherry Red - Starting the album off with that bark/yell is so tight. A year and a half ago in that parking lot going to get crawfish together I didn't really "get" this song, but after hearing the album several times it really clicked for me. I love how it acts as kind of a setup to the whole thing, getting the listener into your mindset and introducing one of the main themes of the album. I also like how it continues your color motifs; "blue and yellow let’s get together and be green" has now gone bad and turned to sour green, and it seems like cherry red is replacing yellow (red + yellow = orange hmmmmm). I also love how "You know I died for you" ties into the closing track, "I said I loved you to death so I must be dead."

2. WWHN - A really great choice for the first full song of the album to set the tone for the Fandom theme in contrast with Cherry Red setting up the emotional side of the lyrics. It's also a goddamn jam so it's great at hyping up right at the start hahah. I've probably told you everything about this already but I like what you're saying in this, and how it's something probably every single artist goes through in their career, but no one seems to say in a critical way (that I’m aware of). I'm sure this and other songs will make some fans upset because they're being called out but I like that, and it's some stuff that needs to be said.

3. Dream Boy - Lots of good stuff about fan expectations in this, dressed up in metaphors and really catchy pop to catch people off-guard. Love the phrase "Build-A-Boy, pick your pieces" and "Do you believe in love and is it because of me?" With people's weird way of crafting their whole lives and beliefs and desires on these celebrities that they don't know personally at all yet are so invested in.

4. Easy to Hate - I feel like this is the most straightforward and "simple" song thematically, but man it is so catchy. The sound effect that I'm sure is your voice in the opening before the verse is so damn cool. I like this first real hint of the colors turning to red. This is thematically pretty similar to other demos like ********* and Play and stuff so with how catchy and big this chorus is, it's easy to see why you chose this one to cover that topic. I'm also a sucker for someone doing the chorus in a song but stripped down like you do here. Those harmonies in the final chorus are also soooo good..........

5. High Definition - You're on some Imogen Heap-ass shit here and it's dope. I like this as a single choice since I feel like the emotional side of the album really hinges on this track--it's not a breakup album in the typical sense (aside from like Easy to Hate and Worst), but rather it's about the aftermath of the breakup and the emotional state surrounding that, the doubts and insecurities and vulnerabilities of losing trust in everybody due to one person’s actions, and this song is such a direct and succinct and sad encapsulation of that. Hate how this whole song makes me feel for my friend but it's also really pretty and good.

6. Telephone - This is some real Hellogoodbye-ass shit here with the ending of the chorus hahah. The juxtaposition between this and High Definition is interesting, basically both songs coming to the same conclusion--not committing to a relationship--but in totally opposite ways. With this one basically being "I won't tell you how I'm feeling, I'll just go write lyrics/sing voice memos/tweet." Is this about the damn pretty Target girl you tweeted about once? "Now I'm living on a target" and "all these aisles feel like miles" hmmmmMMM. This wasn't my favorite when I first heard it but it realllllly grew on me and now I love it. The chorus is so good and I love what you're doing with the music/harmonies in the background of it. Also the dumb shit after "I'll follow" always makes me laugh. Then the dichotomy between this/HD is emphasized in the closing Wedding Singer sample which I feel like represents the fandom; you’re going through this huge emotional turmoil, but we’re reaping the benefits by getting great songs out of it.

7. Group Chat - It works as a goofy little interlude but I also like what it says thematically (if I'm not just pulling this out of my ass anyway). On one hand it seems to me like a commentary on the inanity of some fan group chats, how in some of them they all act like they're best friends but really it's just a surface-level friendship. "My name's [whatever] and we're all friends! :D" and then also with the effect on your voice, seems to imply to me how mentally draining everyone in the fandom can sometimes be on you more so than Geoff and Otto.

8. Turbulent - I know some people just gotta have their metaphors and shit in their lyrics but I love how direct this song is. Just plainly stating things makes them feel so much more raw and real. I can't see how you could more powerfully convey the anger and hurt than with "I'd unfuck you if I could." Also the "sOoOoO" in the second chorus is still best part (also the barks). Also the pitched-down backup vocals are tight in this song, really gets you into the frantic, pissed off headspace.

9. NBA - I like the potential double meaning of the chorus in this one; everyone in LA looks like you cause I'm missing you and seeing you everywhere, but also it’s kind of insulting, like "everyone in LA looks like you, you're not special." But aside from that, another very pretty albeit sad song. The chorus with full instrumentation and harmonies really hits hard. I also like the 11:11 connection with tying breath in knots; you're always really great at bringing back recurring images and lines in your writing, it makes your discography feel really connected and like you're actually writing these things, it's not some producer in a studio writing lyrics for you. These songs all lead into each other; the songs on Fandom could not exist without what came before in DD and Entertainment. That evolution is always really interesting to see, how these different motifs recur and change their meaning over time. I assume the main metaphor of this might also be a callback to Crybaby with “chasing through dreams in bloom.”

10. IMHSBALIDWDA - Definitely one of my favorites, it's just so damn fun. And once again some cool vocal effect you have going on in the background, which I always love. The lyrics here are fun but also biting; I've been thinking of this as a commentary on how fans don't really care about an artist's well-being or life even if they try to act like they do, they just want new songs and good performances and new merch etc. etc. no matter what it means the artist is going through or how they feel when they sing these emotionally devastating songs. So the chorus to me is kinda like a self-care anthem in a way, setting aside all the negative stuff and admitting to yourself hey, at least I feel kind of better now; maybe not entirely better, but I'm getting there.

11. War Crimes - Another song with sad lyrics but musically it goes so damn hard, another favorite. "I'm forgetting how to hate myself" is one of my favorite lyrics on the album, as is "My death will be the fandom." I don't even totally know what to say about this song cause sooo much is going on and it's just crazy. "Let's go!" is also a favorite moment. And the "I saved my own life" calling back to Not Warriors is tight.

12. [Reboot] - Hey is "I need to sleep alone" a reference to Sleep Alone!!!!!?!???? I've already talked to you about this song a lot too so I don't have much new to say. The vocal effect on the bridge is dope. The breaths before verse 2 are maybe my favorite part, as well as what you do on "all on you" including holding out "you" into the chorus. And whatever's going on in the background at the end of that second chorus, I can't tell if it's vocals or instruments or what, but it sounds really cinematic and cool.

13. Worst - This new version is so cool, it has so much texture that the demo didn't. Vocals are also really pretty. The added bass and electronics really add a lot of rhythm and an interesting vibe to this; the bass is almost jazzy in a way? But then the electronics/percussion are almost like a dance beat but really stripped down? I dunno, it's such an odd combination, especially with the guitar just being acoustic. One of the most interesting songs on the album sonically despite being comparatively "simple" at first listen.

14. Zone Out - My least fave just because it's such a simple interlude, but what I like that it does is like...basically comments on the preceding songs I guess? It's like a question to the listener. At the beginning you've got Dream Boy setting up their expectations, then this comes at the very end and essentially asks them, "After hearing all of these angry heartbroken songs, am I still your dream boy? Do you still think love exists because of me even though I've gone through all this and don’t believe in it myself?" I like that it makes the listener confront their previous feelings and expectations before we dive into the finale.

15. IFYWWM - First off I absolutely love the effect you put on the vocals at the start of this, especially with how that effect abruptly cuts off; it's so weird and interesting and I never get tired of hearing it. The difference between the demo and this final version is amazing, I love this song. And "I said I loved you to death so I must be dead" is such a great one-two punch; it hits hard as a "fuck you!" line with being a way to say you don't love her anymore, but then you realize how sad it is that the effect has been this emotional death that pervades the entire album and eventually leads right back into Cherry Red. Which is also a depressing ending; it's so abrupt without any closure about anything talked about on the album, and the way that it circles back into the opener kind of implies to me that maybe there's a sense of circularity to everything, it's unending, the songs will always be fueled by heartbreak and the emotional trauma will never go away and dealing with it in the public eye of the fandom will always be overbearing.

http://www.travismriddle.com/blog/2019/10/29/toxic-fandom-public-heartbreak-and-the-feedback-loop

[3smuth]

To the Champions of Kamigawa

Not too long ago, Blogatog slipped back into a familiar discussion about Kamigawa and its popularity – more specifically, the lack thereof. In the process, a lot of old arguments arose about the set’s power level, about its proximity to Mirrodin, and the state of Standard at the time it was released. And as true as all of those things are, MaRo has made clear that when he refers to the popularity of Kamigawa as a setting, there are several axes on which they grade a set, and that Kamigawa was unpopular in all of them. And yet, people continue to claim that the creative, the setting, the world of Kamigawa just wasn’t given a fair shake. The fact is, that’s just not true.

Now to be completely clear, I personally liked Kamigawa block. At the time I was no good at evaluating the power level of cards so that hardly mattered to me, and many of the elements of the block seemed cool, different, and just ~weird~ enough to catch my attention. But the thing that’s important to understand is that “weird” is – almost by definition – not popular. There is a certain amount of weirdness, of newness, of difference that players expect and even demand from every set, but every degree of just weirdness you put into your work beyond that actually just makes the finished product more inaccessible to a general audience. When you play up weird for weird’s sake, you just make it hard for people to connect with it.

Kamigawa turned ~weird~ up to 11. I think a lot of the champions of Kamigawa underestimate just how off-putting the setting really was for an average consumer. So I thought it might be useful to go through piece-by-piece and try to evaluate how much weirdness there really was in the set, and how much of that weirdness was going needlessly beyond what the average player demanded.

--

Kami - We might as well start with the elephant in the room – or perhaps the unrecognisably surreal mass of tusks and trunks that would be the Kami of the Elephant in the Room. The Kami introduced more weirdness into the set than every other element combined, and this was actually by design: they were fully intended to seem otherworldly, that was how they were selling the premise of the plane. The problem here is not with that intent, but with the execution: the Kami were not only very, very weird, they took up so much of the set that they would have pushed the set over its weirdness quota entirely on their own. Nearly half of all the creature cards on Kamigawa were Spirits, and the art for nearly every one of them looks like it was contrived by Salvador Dali – while this is a cool effect individually, forcing players to try and wrap their brains around this several times in every pack they open is just way too taxing. Again, even with none of the other things on this list, the Kami (as they were executed the first time around) likely would’ve turned off enough players to make Kamigawa a middling set. But, of course, they didn’t stop there.

--

Characteristic Races - While the Kami were designed to feel alien and otherworldly, the other side of the conflict was intended to feel material, corporeal - to feel familiar. Additionally, it had the responsibility of communicating the theme of the set, delivering on tropes that would allow players to recognise the setting as inspired by Japan. This overloading of responsibilities - serving as both the familiar contrast to the surreal Kami, but also as the unfamiliar contrast to a normal Magic setting - would've been a difficult task for any setting, but let's consider how well it was delivered upon here.

Kitsune - I’d consider the Kitsune a 'success', insofar as foxes are something the average person might actually be able to see a connection to Japan in. The problem with the execution here is that while the typeline clearly claimed these creatures were foxes, the creatures themselves were designed around a stylised representation of foxes used in traditional masks – a very specific element of the culture that the average person wouldn’t be able to connect. Red elements on actual anthropomorphized foxes would’ve been cool; having some of the Kitsune wear actual masks would’ve been cool; but taking away nearly all the identifiable features of foxes for the sake of a reference most players were never going to get? Needlessly - and unsuccessfully - weird.

Soratami - Whereas the Kitsune were something some portion of the audience would find resonant with Japan that was simply executed in a way that made them inaccessible, the Soratami were inaccessible from the ground up. The association of rabbits with the moon is much less well-known, and the Soratami are even more ambiguously rabbits than the Kitsune are foxes – the typeline isn’t even used to inform it. That said, the idea of Moonfolk is actually cool enough that I think this would have been a successful application of weirdness in isolation, but in practice it just became one more inaccessible reference that most players couldn’t follow.

Nezumi - An outlier on the plane, the Nezumi actually succeed – amazingly enough – in looking like what they are. The biggest issue here is that there’s no particular resonance between rats and Japan for most of the audience, but offbeat anthro races are something they still do from time to time, and I can’t lodge a specific complaint about it here. Probably not coincidentally, the Nezumi were my favourite characteristic race on Kamigawa.

Akki - Many planes have Goblins, and apparently Kamigawa is no exception. The goblins of Kamigawa look relatively little like traditional Goblins, instead drawing on folk stories of the kappa and adopting shells. This is doubly weird: most players aren’t going to know anything about the kappa, and those that do are going to know them as amphibious, river-dwelling monsters, not analogs to Magic’s Goblins. Now personally, I quite like when they change up the look of familiar characteristic races to show the differences between planes – Tarkir and Ixalan did so pretty successfully – so I’m not highly inclined to complain about the Akki, but I can’t help but feel it’s a little forced when the change doesn’t even make sense to those familiar with the source.

Ogres - These aren’t technically a characteristic race, but they show up in enough numbers that they’re worth mentioning. Interestingly, the oni tropes that Kamigawa’s ogres play into actually line up reasonably well with traditional ogres, so they don’t actually seem particularly weird. I actually think the Ogre/Demon execution on oni was pretty successful, with most of those cards being understandable even to those who aren’t familiar with the source material, yet still unfamiliar enough to communicate that we aren't in Kansas anymore. Again, one of my favourite aspects of the original block.

Orochi - The Orochi, however, somehow manage to do everything wrong at once. They fail to look like the snakes they claim to be, trading in snakes’ single most identifiable feature (all tail with no limbs) for the literal opposite of that (six (!!) limbs with no tail), but even if they did look like snakes, nobody particularly associates Japan with snakes anyway. I honestly can’t even figure out what they were trying to do with these, but whatever it was I can't say that they succeeded at it.

--

Humans: Given the strangeness of the other races, the bulk of the responsibility for familiarity fell upon the humans of Kamigawa - and in a sense, they achieved that: the Samurai felt like Samurai, and the Ninjas felt like Ninjas. But bear in mind that these things would themselves be the ~weird~ elements of any other set. These things on their own would have met much of the demand for new and different that most players had, but instead of serving that role they were forced to provide comfort and familiarity – a role they weren’t particularly well-suited for, and actively prevented them from capitalising on how cool and different they were. When the most familiar part of the set isn’t actually fundamentally familiar, it makes the entire set feel inaccessible, which is exactly the effect that Kamigawa had on so many players.

--

Other denizens: In the entire block, there are exactly three creature cards that are not one of the types listed above: one hound, one insect, and one beast. What this meant, more than anything, is that there was no real refuge for players who weren’t into what the block was doing. If a player who loves Green creatures found the Kami too surreal, and the Orochi too confusing, and just didn’t particularly resonate with the monks of Jukai, there was next to nothing for them in the entire block. One card in the last set, and even that is more than Red, Blue, or Black got. Modern Magic sets make sure to have individual cards that are individually appealing, so that when players don’t buy into the set as a whole, there is at least something there to catch them. And this was probably Kamigawa’s biggest failing overall: not only did it force players to ante up to a lot of weirdness, but when they weren’t willing to buy in it sent a clear message that they weren't welcome. If you really want to understand why so many players felt like Kamigawa wasn’t for them, it’s because the set told them it wasn’t. They just listened.

--

Now, there are lots of things they could have done better. A lower density of Spirits, and toning down some of the more surreal aspects, especially in the common ones: a tangled mass of human limbs with multiple faces and floating, disembodied eyes can certainly be a thing that exists in the world, but does it need to exist in every pack? More resonant and relatable characteristic races would help: make foxfolk enjoyable for people who just think foxes are cute, or introduce a characteristic Green race that doesn’t make you wonder how someone forgot the name for a snake with legs is “lizard”. They could have thrown in more random Japanese tropes, rather than tying every element of the set so tightly together that nothing else fit: it looks like they came accidentally close to including a Boar-Deer-Butterfly trio in Saviors, but loosening up the themes could have allowed for much more of that. There are lots of things they could have done, but didn’t – and the world they would’ve ended up with if they had would be different enough from the Kamigawa we got as to be largely unrecognisable.

And that becomes the fundamental question going forward: is there a way to completely rework the 90% of the setting that didn’t go over well without it feeling like something fundamentally different? And if 90% of the setting needs reworked anyway, should we really bother constricting ourselves to the 10% that was decent? I won't pretend Kamigawa didn't have successes (the Spirit Dragons, for example, are still quite popular to this day) but whether revisiting those successes warrants the limitations that a return would demand is a question that has to be approached very critically. And it's a question that many of Kamigawa's champions may not like the answer to.

[NOTE: I actually wrote up this post about a week ago, and I resolved that I'd simply post it whenever the topic cropped up again. Mark answered a question about Snakes that led to a small discussion about the Orochi in the comments, and I figured that was cause enough for me. Enjoy!]

[hamitome--imagines]

Mon Vie

Lafayette x Reader

Hamiltime

Part 3 of Mon Amie

Requested by @marvelmojito

A/N: It’s finally here! Thanks for the patience, the ending had to come to me and I had too many big assignments that got in the way. But here it is! The final installment of this series. I don’t think I could do anything else except maybe like a final short epilogue or something. But this was highly anticipated and I hope it lives up to expectations!

And thanks to my fluent French followers who told me that Mon Vie isn’t actually something that can be used/said. It’s not proper French. Part of me wants to fix it and the other part wants it to stay because it’s a theme in the titles. In short, I know it’s wrong but I don’t think I’ll change it. But a big thank you to everyone who helped me understand how it was wrong and how it could be fixed.

Word Count: 5,660 ~~ Lafayette spun the woman he was dancing with. His attention was brought to her hair. It was actually something that caught his eye first. It was like the hair of a certain girl he left behind in the colonies. The eyes of the woman in front of him were similar as well. But then the woman smiled and the illusion was shattered. The smile was all wrong. Lafayette had the manners enough to keep dancing and smiling politely. But that was all. As the song ended, he stepped off the dance floor.

He was welcomed back to France as a hero. Everyone was glad that Lafayette had returned to help with the revolution. They welcomed him home and gave him everything he wanted. Everything but one thing. The girl he wanted. But she suggested he returned, so he did.

He got back to his home after the ball he attended. He flipped through some letters on his desk. One from Alexander. Two letters from John. A few from French nobles. None from you though. He sighed. He unbundled his ponytail and raked his hand through his hair a few times. He lost the most important thing in his life.

He laid in his bed after changing into his pajamas. A few nobles jokingly asked when he would be getting married. They urged him to choose a woman to marry so he could have a child and continue his family name.

Lafayette closed his eyes and tried to imagine a child he would have. Maybe his son would have his curls. But everything else he thought of were features of yours. He grumbled and pushed the thought out of his mind. He couldn’t dwell on what family he would have. The only family he wanted was one with you. — You slowed to a stop as the music that was playing, came to an end. You smiled politely and curtsied to your dance partner. He was kind enough. But he just didn’t catch your attention. You were now single and had suitors around frequently. Lafayette may have been mad at you but he made sure that your name wasn’t ruined. His story was merely that he wanted to return to France and you didn’t want to leave your home. Now you were single and luckily you still had a chance for a family.

Though, you didn’t want to keep dancing with strangers. “Can I have this dance?” Luckily, this person asking you sported a very familiar curly ponytail and freckled cheeks. John helped keep you fairly entertained during dances. You gratefully accepted John’s offer. “No luck with the last guy?” John was very interested in helping you find a suitor. You shook your head. “Lemme guess.” He smirked. “Not French enough?”

You rolled your eyes but you weren’t too mad. John was able to make comments and remarks about Lafayette. He never said them in a mean or rude way. It took a while but you were finally able to hear these remarks about Lafayette without getting mad or emotional. You supposed that John was trying to quicken your coping methods. It had worked apparently. “It’s not that.” You defended yourself. “He just wasn’t…”

“He wasn’t Lafayette.” John finished. This time it was a playful or rude quip. It was sympathetic and a little pitying. You bit your lip. You hated admitting it. But you nodded anyway. “It’ll be ok.” John said. “You’ll find someone.”

“I have to get over Lafayette first. I’m still not. And I don’t know when I’ll be.” You whined.

“It won’t be easy.” John agreed. “But you’ll get over it.”

Back at home, you pondered John’s words. You kinda doubted that you would ever get over Lafayette. The two of you were planning a future together after all. Marriage and a family. And now the two of you wouldn’t ever have that. You had to find someone new to have that with. You tried to push away the thoughts of Lafayette and the nonexistent future between the two of you. — The Revolution was going well, until things turned. Lafayette’s reputation among the public turned. They thought he was a monarchy sympathizer. He wasn’t sure how they got that impression considering he helped overthrow the British monarchy in the colonies. He missed the colonies. At least there he still had friends. And you were there as well.

He had resigned from his military position so he was no longer in the eyes of the public and wasn’t also trying to keep political peace. It was a fine line to walk when he was trying to overthrow the monarchy. Lafayette was concerned about his lively-hood here. France was in turmoil currently. And he was stuck in the middle of it. He vowed to wait it out though. He helped America, he could help his home. However, he had to fight the nagging sensation that it felt a lot less like home when everyone was so hostile.

The colonies had always felt like home, even when he was living as a guest with the Washingtons. He absent-mindedly pondered if they would let him stay there if he was ever to return to the colonies for a long period. Then he shook the thought away. He never needed to ponder that.

Lafayette’s resolve to stay in France crumbled a few weeks later. His home had been vandalized while he was gone. He walked in and found two people still inside. “Sympathizer!” One of them growled. Lafayette was well versed in fighting after his time in service to the American army. He took care of them easily. He considered having them arrested but that would just make his entire situation worse. He kicked them out easily and they didn’t try to re-enter. But his home, the place he was supposed to be able to retreat to, wasn’t safe.

He considered his options. He sighed as he looked around his home in a state of disarray. It was actually pretty obvious what his best option was. — He hoped it was enough. Lafayette needed this to be enough to help him. He may not be able to stay at home, but he took what he could with him. And a large portion of what he took with him was money. If he had any hope at all, he needed finances. The public may have disliked him in the end, but he still had money. He left with all of it. He made landfall and quickly commandeered a horse and trailer and began looking for a place to stay.

He found a small house. It could’ve been bigger, he could afford it. But he didn’t need a bigger house. He was alone. For now. But he couldn’t stand this feeling of isolation for long. So he sought out someone who would probably be willing to see him, or at the very least wouldn’t be angry with him. — Alexander sat at his desk. He fiddled with the quill in his hands. John sat on a chair near the desk as well. The two of them were reading over some documents. A knock at the door sounded, causing both of them to pause their reading. Eliza wasn’t at home on this particular day so Alexander stood and went to go open the door and check who it is. John stayed in the office and continued to read the document. He heard the front door open.

He dropped the document as he heard a surprised laugh from Alexander. He curiously stood and walked to the front door. John let his own bark of surprise to see his old, French friend. “Lafayette?” John asked.

“Bonjour, mes amies.” Lafayette greeted with a smile. Then he let our a contented sigh. “I have missed you both.”

“When did you get back?” Alexander asked.

“Not long ago. I landed today.”

“What about revolution in France?” John asked.

Lafayette gave a bitter smile. “It’s a long story. But I had to leave, there was no other choice.”

“You see Herc yet?” Alexander’s question.

“Non. I came straight here.”

“We’re meeting up for drinks tonight. Of course you are more than welcome to tag along.” John smiled. “We’ll have the whole gang together again.”

“Oui, sounds like a good time.” Lafayette gave a relaxed smile. For the first time in a long while, Lafayette felt content.

Later, Alexander and John were preparing to go to the bar and meet up with their friends. John smirked as Alexander merely straightened out his hair instead of tying it up. He seemed to just stop tying his hair back as soon as he became a politician. John still favored the pulled back look though. “Hey, I’m wondering…” Alexander began, grabbing John’s full attention. “Why didn’t you tell Lafayette that Y/N would be joining us?”

John shrugged and smirked. “I figured it would be a nice surprise for everyone.”

“It’s gonna be a chaos.” Alexander accused instead.

John shrugged once more. “Look, I’d like to spend time with Lafayette, like the old days. If he knew Y/N was coming, he wouldn’t go. Plus, those two need to meet up.You know they would find a way to continually avoid that happening. If they don’t know the other will be there, then they’ll come.”

“Fine. But if it goes south, you’re taking all the blame.” Alexander told his friend.

“Fine by me.” — You wandered into the bar and sought out your friends. You sighed as you plopped down in a chair in between Alexander and John. Hercules was sat on the other side of Alexander. You idly noticed the empty chair on the other side of John. It wasn’t important if there was an extra chair. “Long day?” John asked, as you sighed.

“Yeah, I had brunch with one suitor and this afternoon I had tea with another. My parents keep urging me to find someone.” Alexander stood to go grab drinks. You let out another sigh. “Neither of them were right for me. Imagine that.” You muttered with an eye roll.

John hummed sympathetically. Alexander returned with a tray full of drinks. Five drinks. You raised an eyebrow at the tray. “Did you forget how to count or something?” You asked. “That’s five drinks and there are four of us.”

Alexander shrugged. “Oops.” Only he didn’t seem too concerned with his mistake. You let it slide, after all one of you would drink it, and grabbed one. You fell into light and easy conversation with the guys. For about five minutes.

“No way.” You heard Hercules booming voice. He stood up immediately and walked across the bar. You leaned trying to see what got Hercules attention. But there were so many people in the bar that it was hard to see around them. John moved to sit next to Alexander. You thought nothing of it. But it made it a little easier to see though. You heard Hercules laugh. A short but very happy sounding laugh. You leaned once more and still your view was blocked.

You sighed and stood, your curiosity over powering. Glass in hand, you walked around to get Hercules back in your line of sight. There he was. Standing and talking to-

You glass slipped from your hand, loudly shattering on the ground. The shattering caught the attention of the man who was caught up in conversation with Hercules. And he looked just as surprised as you. “Lafayette?” It was merely a whisper, as if asking the question would make him disappear.

He stared at you with wide eyes. He gave a small nod. “Bonjour, mon…mon amie.” And just like that, all the pain and anger filled you once more. That damn, small word. And that was all it took. You held yourself up high. And promptly strode past Lafayette, not even sparing him a second glance.

“Told you it would go south.” Alexander mumbled as they watched the interaction. John cursed and stood, hurrying to follow you. He fell instep beside you, and you didn’t slow down.

“Come on, talk to me.” John urged you.

“You are a jackass. You knew Lafayette was going to be there. And you just let me show up today. You didn’t prepare me at all.” You grumbled.

“Ok, yes. But now the worst part is over. You’ve seen him again now.”

“You think that helps?!” You nearly shouted. “I haven’t seen him in years. I wanted to make a life with him. Then he left. He left me behind. Do you know what that feels like? And now he’s back. And now I don’t even know how to feel. But sure enough, all I am is his friend. You know how much that bothers me, how much it always has.”

“Yes. You’re his friend.” John agreed. “But he hasn’t seen you in years either. Did you think he was just going to step off the boat and call you his love again. He left because you two fought. But he still considers you his friend.”

“Great. Well, I’d rather not wait around as his friend again.”

John slowed to a stop as you kept walking. You only made it a few steps before John said, “Well, then watch him slip away again.” This made you stop cold. “If he is being isolated by you, of all people, he’ll just run again.” A slight pause. “Y/N, I’m not sure he has anywhere else to run to.”

“Why do you say that?” You asked.

John slowly approached you. “Beside a life with you, and all that entails, what was the one thing he really wanted before he left?”

You thought about it for only a moment. It seemed like a lifetime ago that you and Lafayette spent all your days together. But you remembered something he spoke about frequently. “Revolution in France.”

“Alexander and I asked him about it. He said it was a long story, and it seemed like one he’d rather not tell. The Revolution isn’t over in France. So why would he back?”

John had a good point. Lafayette had fought until the end here in America. What could lead him to not do the same for his own country? — You ran. You saw him and then you ran. Clearly you wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Lafayette sighed in annoyance. The only reason he ran from France was for you. There was part of him that still wanted a life with you. He would’ve stared down death in France if he knew there was no chance for that anymore. Instead, he left. He came back and hoped you would be glad that he returned. Of course, Lafayette wasn’t that lucky.

He had said horrible things to you. Why would you ever forgive him? He made it seem like wealth and fame were more important than you. It wasn’t as if he needed to experience a life of fame to know it didn’t compare to a life with you. But now he did have that experience. More money than he could spend. More women talking to him than he could possibly remember. But he had no one to spend the money on, and no woman captured his entire heart like you had.

A few days later, Lafayette heard a knock at his door. He answered it and found you standing there. “Uh, Alexander told me where you were staying.” Silence. “Can I come in?”

Lafayette shook himself from his stunned state. “Uh, oui.” He opened the door and let you inside.

“Kinda small.” You commented awkwardly. You didn’t know how to act around Lafayette anymore.

“Well, I didn’t require a large home. Just a small place. I brought some money from France to help pay for it.” He shrugged.

“How are things going in France?” You tried asking.

Lafayette offered a wry smile. “Fantastique.” He quipped. Well, that was sarcastic.

“That bad?” You asked with a raised brow.

He chuckled with a grim expression. “Oui. After all, I’m back. Either the fight for freedom is won or I cannot help it. And it is not won.”

You lowered down onto the couch in Lafayette’s home. “What happened?”

Lafayette stared at you and sat down as well. “Well, most people thought I was sympathetic to the monarchy.” You gave him a a bewildered and doubtful look. You knew Lafayette could never be fully loyal to a royal ruler. He chuckled. “Oui, I know. I tried to encourage people to follow the law during the shift as to avoid chaos.”

“But I know you.” You said. It was true. You knew Lafayette so well. “A bad reputation wouldn’t be enough to make you leave your home country in their time of need.”

Lafayette smiled. Again, it seems as thought he had a bitter thought. “This is also true mon amie.”

You tightened your hands into fists, grabbing two handfuls of the material of the skirt you wore. Those words still bothered you. Lafayette’s gaze darted down to your clenched fists. You realized  what you were doing and, in the process, nearly reveling. So you quickly released your grip and toyed with the fabric of your skirt before ending your fidgeting. “So why did you leave?” You asked, taking attention away from you.

“I wanted to return. I felt like I had business here to take care of.”

“The whole reason you left was because you had no business here.” You mumbled under your breath, looking away from Lafayette.

“Non. The reason I left was because you meddled.” Lafayette quickly replied, obviously hearing you. You gaze snapped back to him. He was lounging back in his seat, arms crossed, and giving you a challenging stare. You remember the look he gave you before he left. It was furious. This was…different. All traces of anger were gone. It was almost a playful challenge. You knew you were on thin ice, and what you said next could make or break the fragile friendship the two of you shared. But Lafayette seemed as though he had gotten past his anger about the subject. He knew he was right, he wanted to see if you agreed or not.

“Fine.” You sighed. “I meddled.” Lafayette smirked, thrilled he finally won the argument after years. “But I didn’t want you returning to France where you could have everything you could ever want. I wanted you to stay. I knew you could have a great life here.” With me. “So I asked for some favors to make you stay and realize it too.”

“I did have anything I desired in France.” You slouched in your seat. You weren’t exactly thrilled to hear about Lafayette’s fabulous time in France. But you supposed you would have to eventually. “I had wealth, and status, and fame, and any woman I wanted.” You glared, but he was staring off in the distance as he became lost in his memories. “It was wonderful, until my status changed. I went from the one who would free the country from a corrupt king, to the one working only for the king.” He shook his head. “I was merely trying to prevent chaos.”

“Lafayette? What happened?” Your concern seeped into your question. It helped draw Lafayette from the memories and back to the present.

“Do not fear mon amie. I am fine. My home was vandalized, that’s all. I realized that I had better come back and tie up loose ends in case I didn’t survive the Revolution.” He paused and sighed. “But I don’t feel I had as many loose ends as I thought.”

You studied him. “If it means anything, I’m glad you’re ok. And I’m glad you’re back.”

He smiled brightly. “It means so much from you mademoiselle.”

“I’m sorry we ended on a bad note.”

“Oui, I am too.”

You bit your lip and hoped you wouldn’t regret this. “Can we start again? Be friends again?”

You didn’t think Lafayette could smile any wider. “Mademoiselle, I would like that very much.”

As soon as you were out the door you let out a breath. You were Lafayette’s friend once more. His amie. You asked for it. You wanted this. You had no idea if the two of you could ever be what you had been, but this was a step in the right direction.

Once Lafayette shut the door, he leaned his forehead against it. He sighed. Friends was not his intention. He wanted so much more with you. You were his entire life. He stepped away from the door. He had managed to win you over once, he could do it once more. He could work with friends. At the very least he would be able to see you regularly again. This wasn’t exactly where he wanted to be, but this was a step in the right direction. — You cursed yourself. This was why being friends was so awful the first time. It took one day and your crush on Lafayette returned. His smile, his laugh, his voice, his actions. And you thought you would just be friends?

The guys decided a do-over drinks night was needed. You couldn’t agree more. However, one whole night spent with Lafayette reminded you of why you fell for him the first time. And apparently absence makes the heart grow much fonder. You enjoyed every moment that was spent around Lafayette. It hurt to only be friends, but it was better than never seeing him. But also, every moment spent around him brought back that ache from so many years ago. A pain every time the words ‘mon amie’ rang in your ears. But you couldn’t be what you were before he left. You also fought prior to that. So how did the two of you even begin to get back to what you were? Did he still want to be with you? Did you want to be with the man that abandoned you? If your annoyance with being called a friend was any indication, then yes. Your brain kept running circles around these thoughts, but it never made any progress. So you grabbed a glass and drained the contents, hoping to rid the mind of its problem for one night.

Lafayette recounted some tales from France. You were amazed at all he went through. He also endured a lot. However, Lafayette seemed very at ease being back in the colonies. You couldn’t help but notice how John kept trying to get you interacting with Lafayette. You appreciated it but also resented it. You weren’t the same kid who needed John’s help to talk to your crush.

You decided to call it a night before you drank too much. “Do you want an escort, mon amie?” Lafayette asked after announcing your desire to leave.

Every part of you wanted to shout yes, but you knew better. You were tipsy and you needed to talk to John. “Oh, it’s fine. I’m sure John will walk me.” You gave John a pointed look. He had a glass raised halfway to his lips to take another drink. He caught your stare and lowered the glass.

“Yeah.” He stood and walked out with you. Lafayette felt a little hurt by turning him down, but he realized that you were closer to John now than him. John had his hands shoved in his pockets while you walked, giving you a knowing look. “Ok, why are making me walk you? I thought you’d jump at the chance to walk with Lafayette.”

“Look, can you stop trying to push us together?” You asked him in annoyance. “We aren’t together anymore, we aren’t even trying to get together.”

“Are you sure you aren’t? What if Lafayette is?”

“Oh you mean trying to get together with me? His amie?” You snapped.

“Will you let that go?” John was equally annoyed with you now. “He called you his friend before, the two of you ended up together then.”

“Until he left.”

“Until you pushed him away.” John countered. You froze and turned to John, shock on your expression.

“Until I what?”

“Didn’t you tell him to go back to France and get his hero’s return?”

“Only after he complained that France was where he could get everything he wanted.”

“You want to know why I’m pushing you two together? Because you guys need to talk! The tension between you guys isn’t the worst, but its still very obvious. You still want to be with him.” You tried to open you mouth to argue but John hold up a hand to stop you. “No denying it. I know you. That’s the whole reason you don’t have a courter yet. And, I bet Lafayette still wants to be with you.”

You crossed your arms to glare at John. “And I’m supposed to take that risk again because you think Lafayette might want to be with me?”

“Well, if you don’t try talking to him, you’ll never actually know. It’d be a step in the right direction.” — You decided to talk to Lafayette a few weeks later. Your friends had met up at a nicer restaurant for once. Apparently Alexander wanted to celebrate some sort of political victory over the Democratic Republicans. You didn’t mind a nice dinner every now and then. You were sitting at the table, just talking and enjoying your friends company.

“Oh, hello Miss L/N.” You looked up at someone’s greeting. It was the man from the last ball, the last one before Lafayette returned.

“Oh, hi.” You smiled at the man. You exchanged simple pleasantries, being kind to him. He commented that it was nice to see you and hoped to see you at an upcoming political gathering. You nodded, smiling, and told him you would most likely be there and looked forward to seeing him. Most of it was just you being polite, not wanting to risk having any negatives stories of you floating around. You sighed as the man walked off. John shot you a bit of a teasing look, knowing you didn’t have any intention of actually courting the man.

However, Lafayette stared after the man as he walked off. Lafayette gave you a curious look as well, but you didn’t notice it so you didn’t feel the need to explain anything to your friends. Eventually, Alexander decided to call it a night and you all agreed it was time to head home. “Hey Lafayette? Would you mind walking me home?” You asked. You hoped he would smile, or react in a positive way. He didn’t. But he did agree to walk you.

“Of course mon amie.” You studied his neutral expression but didn’t say anything. Maybe John was wrong. That’s why you were talking to him today after all. The two of you walked, talking about some nonsense things. Eventually you got to your house. You opened your door to walk in.

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” You asked, hoping he would take you up on the offer.

“Non. It’s fine. I should head home as well.” He said.

“Come on. We haven’t spent a lot of time talking. Just the two of us.” You begged.

He paused, considering it. “Alright mon amie.” You smiled and gestured him inside. He walked in and studied the house.

“It hasn’t changed much.” He commented. You just shrugged. You needed to start this conversation but didn’t know how. “So, who was that man at the restaurant?” Lafayette asked.

“Oh.” That worked. “Just some suitor.” You waved it off.

“You seemed very friendly with him.” He commented, almost teasingly.

You rolled your eyes, playfully with no malice. “No, it’s not like that.”

“But you were excited to see him.”

“I was being nice. What does it matter?” You asked.

Lafayette shrugged. “I suppose it doesn’t, mon amie.” He sat on the couch, rather stiffly. You sat nearby. “Any serous suitors?”

You hummed in consideration. “I guess there are repeated men who I speak to at gatherings. But no one serious.” You paused for a moment. “Any girls in France?”

He chuckled a bit. “Non, no one.” He said. “I’m glad you have potential suitors, mon amie.”

“I guess there’s potential but, like I said, there’s nothing serious.”

“Don’t you want to start a family, mon amie?” Lafayette asked. “I…” He paused. “I remember you talking about that a lot.”

You were startled by him outright mentioning a time very specifically from your relationship. “Well, yeah. But I need to find a guy first.”

“Perhaps I can help you find someone.” Lafayette offered.

You actually let out a laugh. Considering you really wanted to be with Lafayette, maybe he could. “That would be nice. I think you could help.”

“It would be my honor, mon amie.” He smiled then, a little tense.

“Actually…maybe you already have.” You said hesitantly. Lafayette tilted his head in confusion. You sighed. “I was honest when I told you I felt bad about the way things ended. When you went to France.”

“Oui, me too, mon amie.”

You let out an agitated noise. “Mon amie, again.” You quipped. “Look, when you came back I was unbelievably startled and amazed. But then you called me ‘mon amie.’ It hurt. And I don’t know why! We haven’t been together for a long time. So obviously, if we are anything then we’re friends. But…” You sighed. “I don’t know. I guess being friends with you was just never enough.”

Lafayette stared at you. Strangely silent. He inched closer to you. You stared back. “Then why did you tell me to leave?”

“I was mad. I didn’t think you would listen to me. I didn’t think you would…”

“You didn’t think I would leave you behind.” Lafayette finished for you. You nodded.

“Lafayette, you meant so much to me. We were planning a future. Then you just left.”

“I thought you wanted me to.” Lafayette admitted. “I had to leave. I left mon vie here.”

You wracked your brain for the French term Lafayette had used. My life. You felt your cheeks lift in a small smile. That was an accurate description of what Lafayette was to you. Your life. “Well, if it’s any consolation, my life left to return to France.” That caught Lafayette’s attention. He smiled as well now. “I shouldn’t have told you to leave. I’m so sorry.” Lafayette shook his head, a smile still.

“Mademoiselle.” You noticed he didn’t call you ‘mon amie.’ “You don’t need to apologize. It was a little rash to just up and leave. But leaving the colonies wasn’t as hard as leaving you, mon amie, mon cheri, and mon vie, behind.” He leaned down before you could respond, capturing your lips with his. — It was a few days later, and it was time for a political gathering. Lafayette, upon returning, was invited to a lot of these. This was no exception. You knew he would be there and you were excited. You put a bit more effort into your appearance before you headed over.

You found John, Alexander, and Hercules pretty easily. Hercules let out a low whistle. “You look really nice tonight, Y/N.” He commented. You merely shrugged with a smile.

John narrowed his eyes, studying you. “You seem really happy tonight too. Are you finally getting somewhere with a suitor.”

Again, you shrugged with a smile. “You could say that.” You couldn’t wait for Lafayette to get here. And sure enough he finally did. He wore a nice French suit and looked every bit of the man you fell hopelessly in love with. You smiled and ran up to him. He swept you up in a hug, feet leaving the floor as he spun you around. A loud laugh from John ruined the moment and pulled your attention back to your friends. “What?”

“Nothing.” He said, but his wide and cocky smile said otherwise. “I just expect a lot of thanks for endlessly urging you two together.”

“Monsieur Laurens, you did help but did you really think we would never resolve our problems?” Lafayette asked.

John shot a look at the two of you, his humorless expression showed that was exactly what he thought. “They have a point.” Alexander spoke up. “I was surprised they even broke up. I was surprised they even managed to be apart from each other.”

You danced with Lafayette, no one else. Even if you were asked. You were sure people were starting to understand that you were with Lafayette once more. John never interrupted for a dance tonight. You didn’t need him to. But at one point, you sat down to rest while other note women wanted a dance with Lafayette. You didn’t mind letting him have some attention. John sat down near you.

“So, you guys are fine now?” John asked. You nodded with a smile. “What about all the problems from before?”

“Well, Lafayette has plenty of funds from France. And he is already looking for some sort of work. He also promised that if he has the same problem as before then he will definitely ask for help from his friends.”

“Huh. He really did have a solution to everything.” John mused.

“Well he may have had the life of a hero in France, at least for a while, but he was missing something. And my life alone here wasn’t much better.” You shrugged.

“Oui.” You heard Lafayette say from behind him. Then you felt him press a soft kiss to the top of your head. You tipped your head back and smiled at you. John was observing the two of you with a soft smile of his own. “But we no longer need to worry about mon vie or Y/N’s. There is only one life that matters now. And that is our life, now and the future of it. And this time nothing will get in the way or ruin it.”

[pickalilywrites]

I’m the ballet au anon and you asked me pick a ship so (if you’ve already got EreAni) Jeankasa! Thanks :D

here you go ^^

Tension

Jeankasa. Ballet AU. 

2691 words. 

Buy me a ko-fi!

“Delivery,” Jean calls, knocking at the door. He hears a muffled voice reply, “Coming!” and he leans back against the doorframe as he waits to be let in. He raises an eyebrow when the door finally opens. Jean dangles a bag, a carton of ice cream inside of it, in front of his friend’s face. “I thought you could use something nice to eat.”

Mikasa purses her lips in a thin line, trying not to smile. “I don’t remember ordering anything though,” she says, but she lets him in anyway. She locks the door behind him and follows him as he walks into her kitchen and sits down at the table. The tired ballerina, still in her dance clothes and her hair tied up in a messy bun as if she hadn’t changed at all despite leaving the studio a few hours ago, sighs when Jean pulls out the ice cream. She reaches for it, her fingers tracing the picture of the smooth green scoop on the front. “You even got my favorite one…but I really shouldn’t.”

“Ah, it’s fine,” Jean assures her. He knows the strict diet of a dancer all too well, but he doesn’t think it hurts to indulge oneself occasionally – just as long as he never mentions it to the manager anyway. “You deserve it. Have you even celebrated after getting the part? Any other dancer would be over the moon.”

Mikasa Ackerman is the most talented dancer in the Rose Ballet Company – or at least she was until Annie Leonhardt came around. Even though Mikasa had easily earned the lead role in all the ballet productions she had been auditioned for ever since she had been a part of the company, Annie Leonhardt had come and shaken everyone up by taking the part of Juliet in the Romeo and Juliet ballet. After that, the two of them had alternated between leading roles, furiously practicing day and night to be the prima ballerina. If Mikasa earned the titular role in Giselle, then Annie would do the same for Cinderella the next year. When Annie became Odette in Swan Lake, Mikasa would bitterly play Odile. When Mikasa successfully snagged the role of the Sylphide in a ballet of the same name, then Annie watched from the sides as Mikasa’s understudy, hoping that the lead ballerina would quite literally break a leg on stage. At one point during this rivalry, Mikasa stopped dancing for herself and started dancing just to beat Annie. She’s still brilliant and mesmerizing to watch, but she’s not the same as she was when she was a young ballerina at the age of ten, hypnotizing online viewers in the viral video that had gained her recognition and admiration from dancers everywhere.

Tonight, Jean suspects that Mikasa had planned to dance the night away in her apartment. The floor of her living room is cleared for dancing and the theme from Le Papillon is playing in the background. If these aren’t big enough hints, then the sweat on her forehead, the flush of red on her cheeks, and loose strands of hair sticking to the back of her neck are a dead giveaway. She probably would have danced until she collapsed if he hadn’t stopped by.

“I am over the moon,” Mikasa insists, although she doesn’t look very happy. She reaches up to tighten her bun, frowning when a few locks of hair fall when she pulls at it. She undoes it entirely, letting her hair fall into her face before gathering it up again and tying it back up. She’s already standing up again, not even giving the carton of ice cream another glance. “I just want to make sure everything goes well. The show’s in a few weeks after all. Would you mind putting the ice cream in the fridge? I’ll eat it later.”

“Are you sure you want to practice more? You were working your ass off in the studio. Maybe you should take a break.” Even though he had just sat down a few moments ago, Jean gets up from his seat and follows Mikasa to her living room.

“It’s still early.” She sits down at her laptop and pulls up the music for the duet that Djalma and Farfalla have. “It’s good that you’re here too. Now we can practice together.”

“Together?” Jean repeats. Normally he’d jump at the chance to practice one-on-one with Mikasa, but it’s just about time for any normal person to go to sleep. After all the practicing she had already done in the studio, it’s a wonder how Mikasa isn’t exhausted already. Jean glances out Mikasa’s window, the city dark except for a few lights from the windows of night owls and 24-hour restaurants in the city. “I don’t know, Mikasa,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck with a frown. “Don’t you think you’ve practiced enough for today? You’re going to overwork yourself at this rate. It can’t be good to dance this much when you’re so stressed out either.”

“Stressed? Why would I be stressed?” Mikasa takes a swig from her water bottle and sets it down next to her laptop. She straightens up, stretching her arms above her head and twists from one side to the other. It’s meant to loosen her up, but Jean has never seen her so stiff. Usually, her movements are so fluid and graceful even if she’s taking just a simple step, but she’s been uncharacteristically mechanical ever since it had been announced that she’d be playing Farfalla.

Because you’re always afraid of losing your spot to Annie, Jean wants to reply, but he’s not stupid enough to say it out loud. Instead, he hovers behind her as she glides across the room, her movements more hesitant than they usually are. He can tell by the expression on her face – her lips tightened in a hard line and her brow knitted together in concentration – that this dance is a struggle for her even though she had executed it flawlessly during auditions only a week ago. Jean joins her, trying to guide her gently, but it’s as if they’re out of step with each other. Mikasa takes a left step when they’re supposed to go right. She turns a little too late so they’re out of sync. Her jumps, once effortless and light, seem to take too much of her strength and she hardly gets off the ground. He knows even before she takes a leap off the ground that this lift will be no better, and he’s not surprised when he does manage to carry her off the ground that she’s not fit to dance on the stage if she carries on like this. She must know it too, because she all but collapses on the floor, leaning over to rest her hands on her knees.

“Mikasa, you have to rest.” He walks over to where she is, reaching out to rest his hand gently on her back. “This isn’t good for you. It’s like every muscle in your body has tensed up.”

She doesn’t respond right away. Instead, Mikasa continues to look at the ground, breathing heavily. “You could tell?” she finally asks with a shaky laugh. It’s meant to be said jokingly, but there’s a tinge of bitterness to her voice. She sits down on the hardwood floor, her head in her hands as she stares at the ground.

Of course, Jean could tell. How could he not? He had been dancing with her for years and had memorized her movements even years before that. After watching that first video of her when she was a child – when he was a child himself – dancing as Clara in a children’s ballet production of The Nutcracker, he had tried to imitate her beauty and grace himself, but he could never recreate her fluid movements no matter how hard he tried. He had thought it was nothing short of a miracle that allowed him to become a part of the same ballet company she was in and dance beside her, finally able to observe her up close instead of from the stage or through a screen. He knew how Mikasa danced, could pick her up from a crowd of ballerinas just from the way she stepped, so why wouldn’t notice this?

Jean picks up her water bottle, unscrewing the cap and handing it to her. He keeps his thoughts silent, asking instead, “Do you want a drink?”

Mikasa reaches out so that Jean can give her the bottle and she takes a big swig of water, throwing back her head as she does so. She hands him back the bottle so he can have a drink too. “I’m sorry I practically forced you to dance with me,” she says as she watches him drink. She rests her head on her knees, her arms wrapped around her legs. “I should have listened to you and taken a rest. It’s probably not fun to dance with someone who’s practically a robot.”

“It’s fine. I don’t really mind,” Jean says with a shrug. He’d dance off the edge of the earth if that’s what she wanted, although he’d never say that out loud. “It’s just that…you used to look like you were having so much fun while you were dancing and now…you look like you’re not enjoying it at all.”

“What?” Mikasa raises her head.

Jean wonders if it’s out of line for him to talk to her about something like this. It’s not as if it’s any of his business even if they are friends. Then again, he’s already brought it up, so he can’t really back out of it now.

“You’ve noticed, haven’t you?” Jean asks. He avoids her gaze and looks down at the water bottle instead, fiddling with it in his hands. “It happened ever since Annie joined the company. It’s like you two are more focused on your rivalry than the ballet at times…and I think it’s starting to get to you.” Hesitantly, he looks up at her, expecting to see an angry expression on her face, but he’s surprised to see that she looks somewhat relieved.

She lets out a long sigh. “I guess you’re right,” Mikasa says. She reaches up to undo the uncomfortable bun on the top of her head. Her hair, usually pin straight but wavy now from being tied up for so long, falls and curls around the curve of her cheek. She brushes it away, tucking her hair behind her ears. She looks a little calmer now, not as tense as she was before. “I think I’ve always known it, but I guess it didn’t really hit me until you said it out loud.” She untangles her limbs, her legs stretched out before her. “It’s just that I’ve never had anyone…challenge me like this. I know I shouldn’t be upset when she gets picked for the lead role over me, but I do. It’s hard practicing night after night for weeks only to get picked as the understudy…and when I do get picked for the lead, I’m not even sure if I deserve it. When I have nights like these…sometimes it feels like they picked the wrong person.”

“No,” Jean says so suddenly that it surprises even himself. He sees Mikasa staring at him in confusion, so he clears his throat and continues. “You definitely deserve every role you get – lead or otherwise – and you deserve this one too.” He sets the water bottle aside and looks at Mikasa. “Look, Annie’s talented. She’s great at what she does – pirouettes and pointe and all that – but you’re great too. You’re fantastic. You always have been. You work hard and sometimes you work too hard, but you’re the one they chose for this part because you’re the one who’s perfect for this part. If you think otherwise…well, you’re wrong.”

Mikasa stares at him, blinking in surprise. Suddenly, her face breaks into a smile. Jean realizes it’s the first smile he’s seen from her since she had received the part. “Was I dancing so horribly that you had to give me such a serious talk?” she asks him. He’s embarrassed for a moment and thinks that he’s crossed a line, but Mikasa laughs. “I needed that though, so thanks.”

“Of course,” Jean mumbles. He rubs the back of his neck once more and feels how hot it is. He’s sure that his face is turning a bright red right about now, so he looks down at the ground where he can see his blushing face reflected at him.

“I guess that means I’m done for the night,” Mikasa says with a sigh. She looks over at Jean, still smiling at him. “Good thing you came or else I would have danced myself to death. How is it that you know me so well, Jean?”

It could be because he has known her for so long, has danced side by side with her for years, and knows her better than he does the back of his own hand. He knows that’s not the reason though. He knows that it’s because he’s been in love with her since he had first watched her dance. She had been the reason why he had pursued ballet in the first place, and when he was finally able to meet her in person, he fell in love with more than her dancing. He’s memorized the way she tilts her face as she stares up at the spotlight after a movement, and he knows that when she closes her eyes as she dances, she’s imagining the entire story playing out in her head. He can tell from just a glance when she’s feeling too unwell to dance her best, and he knows from just a brush of a hand on the small of her back, her muscles tense, when she’s nervous just before a show. He’s not quite sure when his admiration had shifted to adoration or if any such transitioned occurred at all. Perhaps he had loved her from the very beginning, but it’s not as if he can say that now, so he shuts his mouth before the truth spills from his lips and his unsaid words sit between them, hanging heavy in the air.

But it’s not as if he has to say it out loud. He’s sure that she knows; she’s just kept quiet about it just like him. Mikasa would have to be truly oblivious not to notice the long stares or the careful way he sets her down after a lift, gentle but wistful as if he never wanted to let her go. There are times that Jean thinks that she shares the same feelings, can swear that this is so when she lingers in his arms just a little too long during rehearsals, but he convinces himself that it was just his imagination when they go home for the day. This is one of the times where he’s certain that Mikasa knows, might even reciprocate his feelings, and he thinks that something might happen because of the way she looks at him, her lips parted slightly as if she’s about to tell him something, but she turns away and he’s disappointed in himself again.

“Do you want to eat that ice cream now?” Mikasa asks. She pushes herself up off the ground and reaches out a hand to help Jean up.

He’s not really in the mood for ice cream, but it’s not as if he has any other business here. He could, of course, tell her the real reason he had come here. It’s not because he had wanted to cheer her up, and it’s not simply because he cares about her; it’s because he loves her, but that’s not something he can say to her right now. She had just begun to relax about the show a little while ago, and he can’t burden her with his own feelings. Instead, he takes her hand and allows her to help him up.

With a fake smile on his face, Jean says, “Sure.”