#...this reminds me of an episode of The Vampire Dies in No Time

[sunvisetrip]

𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒈𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒂 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒏𝒖𝒏𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏 1.

[yakourinka]

spoilers about zwilingsturme in herbst

so arturia huh

the episode she had when she was young with the "voices" and "feelings" overwhelming her vaguely reminded me of my mother's tales of my uncle who had schizophrenia. never met the man, he died very young but that's another story. now obviously there's a clear fantastical element here: the cause of her suffering and some of her consequent behaviour is her arts that she was born with, which we can't exactly define as an illness. or can we?

throughout the story she struck me as that specific and very rare kind of mentally unwell that is more of a harm to society than to herself. she does manage to maintain a friendship with cora, something worth nothing, but she's clearly isolated, alienated. the way she interacts with the world ("my eyes, ears and heart") is entirely through her musical instrument, which is completely incomprehensible even to the most committed musicians and which is connected to her arts, the root cause of her social deviance

and out of all fucking people it's the witch king who asks her, but who are you? i guess it makes sense that terra's #1 tyrant/musician would be the only one to understand someone so strange and alien like arturia, whom he considers both dull and interesting.

dull because there's not much arturia. not a lot of substance inside arturia, you understand. arturia is just whomever she's playing at that moment, some sort of emotional vampire who attaches herself to the next delectable meal, craving to fill that void. the moment she couldn't express her grief at her mother's funeral, realized that all the people in attendance around her were "performing" grief - like a play, as she says at one point - was her breaking point.

and so she wishes to create a world - an impossible, incomprehensible world - where everyone's emotions are all laid bare, all emotions, at all times, from the most detestable to the most praiseworthy, to her empty self. so she can finally feel and understand people. she says it will be a utopia for others, but what she wants is actually just a heaven for herself.

in that way, i guess viviana and arturia mirror each other as people who are seeking their place in society.

(i did not proofread this post and just wrote anything that came to mind so i'm not taking any responsibility for it. didn't think i'd like her but i did!)

[mintaikk]

Zestial's Death Theory

Okay I was rewatching episode 3 cuz I love that episode, and I am still SO curious about Zestial. Mostly about his death. Because seriously, WHAT IS THIS???

BUT, here is a theory I have.

Zestial speaks in Shakespearean English, so he probably died in the 1500s or 1600s. He is a bat spider thing, and I think he also has aspects of a vampire, so he probably died when it was really dark at night. I don't think he was an actual vampire when he was alive, but vampires, I think, stem from the fear of rabies, so perhaps he got rabies and died from that. I'd say the plague as a secondary option, but I don't really think that.

I think we can find clues of what he was in his design.

He seems to have the outfit of what you'd think an upperclassmen at the time would wear (from what country? Idk. I assumed it was Romania or Britain). But, his hat seems a bit torn and ratty and reminds me a bit of a scarecrow, so perhaps he was a farmer when he was alive.

Why is he in Hell? Well, being a farmer, especially one who farms animals, gives you a lot of tools you'd use to kill. I think that he was a farmer by day, and by night, he was a murderer. Pretty good one too, being sneaky and always knowing how to avoid getting caught.

But, one day, a rabid bat bit him, and he contracted rabies. We all know what rabies does to a guy, right? So, at the beginning, he ended up becoming more and more sloppy with his murders, until he slowly became more and more deranged, and as his rabies got worse, so did his aggression. Instead of his calculated murders he was so used to, he would run up to people and bite them (on the neck?), like a rabid bat or a vampire.

There are 2 ways he could've died. The first one is that he died when he succumbed to the disease, and the second one is the people killed him out of fear. Either one could work, but if I think it's the second one, I like to believe that they put a stake through his heart. But man, him dying by himself in an empty field also sounds nice.

Anyways, do y'all have any theories about his death? I love talking about him.

[amuseoffyre]

Since I put together a rather massive thread about the probable S3 final fuckeries on the dead-parrot site, I figure I'll bring it over here as well :) This is bearing in mind that the show loved using history when it was useful or funny.

Blackbeard's death was in a battle and afterwards, his head was cut off and hung from the bowsprit of the ship, then later as a warning by a harbour. Urban legend said that his headless body swam around the ship, trying to find the head. Stede, meanwhile, was executed by hanging after being captured and tried in Charles Town.

My theory is a giant faking-their-deaths fuckery and this is the collection of extensive foreshadowing in sequential order.

1x01 - He's holding his own head! That's terrifying!

The Swede's flag with a skeleton holding his own head. Given Ed's flair for the dramatic and the urban legend that BB's body swam, headless, around the ship, this feels like a very him thing to do. (also ties in with Blackbeard's flag with just the skeleton in S1)

1x01 - Stede's first fuckery

Stede using mannequins as a diversion so they can escape from the British Navy and the British Navy fall for it. Also, significantly, one of the fake heads falls off.

1x03 - Stede hanged

I facepalmed so hard when I realised that we had already seen Stede get hanged and survive it. Also, the fact that the person who intended to kill him by hanging is the one who dies first? INCHRESTING.

1x04 - "People just see the flag - I don't even have to be on the boat. I'm a ghost"

And he won't be on the boat in the end :D (@wastingyourgum reminded me of this one :D)

1x04 - "He's wearing Blackbeard's clothes. He's on Blackbeard's ship".

Combining this with Stede's fake-heads-to-escape idea, Blackbeard's official 'death' is tied up with a bow :D They just need to find a suitable person to sub in *coughHornigoldcough*

1x06 - "Over here, child!"

HOOBOY this entire episode is basically emphatically pointing at Ed's skill in the art of misdirection. Ed is an expert at fooling people into seeing what he wants them to see. The Master of the Theatre of Fear.

1x06 - The crew fuckery

Stede, the Swede and Black Pete literally holding heads that aren't theirs And once again the allusion to swapping faces/places. "Are those supposed to be the same guy?" "But with very different hairstyles, ja?"

1x06 - "I'm supposed to burn your face off and take your identity"

Stede getting another layer of "how to get away with dying/disappearing" added to his arsenal of knowledge.

1x08 - The Unicorn's head

Oh look. A mythical creature's head is removed by the English, when Ed has been compared to a demon, devil, vampire and kraken. I wonder what that could be foreshadowing 🙃

1x09 - "You've kept the clippings so we can make fake heads and escape"

When in doubt, Stede turns to arts and crafts.

1x10 - "Now that's a fuckery"

Stede has already faked his own death not once, not twice, but three times in ten minutes. Now that's overkill 😂He's done it before, he'll do it again! In Stede's town, wearing Stede's clothes.

2x01 - "He can't possibly look like this"

The S1 propaganda pics are all full/half body, but now, he's reduced down to a head with very snaky looking hair. "He can't possibly look like that" (and this ties into something from 2x04 as well)

In related things, there is one historic piece of art referring to Blackbeard like this, as a disembodied head and I feel like there's a bit of a resemblance going on.

2x02 - "There's some beheadings on here"

Okay, yes, this one is a stretch, but head removal, people. We have more head removal :D

2x03 - "I'm not me, I'm you"

Yes, I know, in the context of the Gravy Basket, but there would be some poetrical vibes if Hornigold's body was the one left in Ed's place so Ed can live a long and happy life. (And yes, fully convinced he was an S3 villain)

2x03 - "I knew they killed him"

Will fully admit I yelped a bit when I saw this scene in higher res than a stream because with the drape of cloth over his head matching the colour of the surroundings, it's gives the illusion of a headless body.

2x04 - "He can't hear you. He's got no head"

Again, the symbolism of the mythical creature without a head. Especially when we see Izzy yelling at it as if its Blackbeard, his own personal figurehead.

2x04 - "Pulls his entire fucking face off. Turns out this one had stolen the face off some Brit and come to my rescue"

Of all the specialist skills for someone in Ed's old crew to have, disguising themselves with someone else's face? :D (That's romance ;))

2x04 - The Head of Medusa

Buttons' transmogrification bowl is under a painting of The head of Medusa (Caravaggio). In the story of Perseus, he used Medusa's severed head to defeat a terrible sea monster (hello, kraken :D) and a King.

And I mentioned earlier Ed's wanted poster had a connection to this episode and look at these images side by side:

Coincidence??? I THINK NOT XD

[nightcolorz]

thoughts on the presence of marius’ painting in dubai in the show? ive been thinking about this since episode 7 aired because louis threw a bowl of blood at a painting in one scene which wasn’t marius’, yet made me think it should have been. but its interesting that its there at all? of course they’re art collectors and dealers in 2022 but god. i feel like the painting might end up being a chekov’s gun. it cant be there for nothing, right?

(also the scene of “rashid” armand in s1 telling daniel about it keeps coming back. how did he FEEL about that especially if daniel is indeed someone he loves and has loved for years)

AHHH OMG!!! LOVE THIS QUESTION!! I’ve been thinking about this constantly since s1, which believe it or not spurned some theories about Armand’s relationship with Louis that ended up being surprisingly accurate 😭. I can’t tell u how many times I rewatched the Rashid-mand tells Daniel about marius’s painting scene before s2 aired (definitely more than any other scene in the first season 💀💀). Ughhh!! omg!! U r so right 😭😭 the painting Louis threw the blood at should have been Marius’s. The thematic implications!!! The impact!! The way Armand would feel!! It’s making me crazy thinking about it

I speculate that Armand is trying to seek out and reclaim as many of Marius’s painting as possible. I imagine that Armand acquired the painting in the dining room by searching intently for any paintings of Marius’s that survived the fire. Part of him likely feels entitled to them. Legally he’s just Marius’s slave, but the way he sees it it’s so much deeper than that. Marius is his father, his husband. He should be given his possessions, his works of art, after he’s died. And I think the fact that Armand, by both historical records, and by anyone he knows, will always be viewed as Marius’s slave, his victim, before he is Marius’s closest loved one, feels disempowering and invalidating. Technically, if they weren’t vampires and legal consideration was given to who Marius’s possessions should be given to after his death, as a slave Armand likely wouldn’t be considered. But, Armand believes that because of the role Marius had in his life, he is rightfully owed that inheritance. And the symbolic value of that fact is important to him.

I think sometimes the show fandom doesn’t realize how attached to Marius Armand actually is 😭. If they’re going by the books, Armand is longing for Marius and for Venice. Marius is the love of his life the same way Lestat is the love of Louis’s life (maybe even more so considering he’s not just his lover but his father 😭 Marius played every major role in Armand’s life, he was his father, his lover, his maker and his god). Armand is stuck on him, he is always longing for him, never able to move on. So I think for Armand owning paintings of Marius’s is partly an assertion and a reclamation of the way he perceives his relationship with him. By owning them and displaying them on his wall, not only is he allowing himself to live with a comforting reminder of Venice (which I’ll get to), but hes also asserting that Marius loved him, and he was important to Marius, and he deserves to and is entitled to owning his paintings after Marius has died because he is the person who these things should go to, he is displaying that he is the most important person to Marius, that he is the person who would be in his will.

on the Venice note, Armand is also indulging in a small little fantasy by putting Marius’s paintings on his wall. He lived with those paintings, his father likely painted them while he was in the room. He saw them in the halls in the palazzo, maybe even in his lavish old dining room. In the books Venice was and continues to be Armand’s perceived “best part of his life”. Venice was his childhood, the only time in his life he remembers being taken care of, well fed, spoiled, loved. And from our perspective it was horrible, he was being sexually abused and beaten regularly, literally pimped out and enslaved. But think about how Armand told his story to Louis, he was smiling wistfully, longing despite it all. And I think even in Dubai Armand misses Venice, feels comforted by the memory of it. So it makes sense that he would hang Marius’s painting on the wall, as a small comfort, so that maybe sometimes he can stare at it and picture he is back there, in his master’s studio, basking in the sunlight, loved.

The scene where Armand as Rashid shows the painting to Daniel is so so loaded. Daniel initiates the conversation, but Armand definitely indulges in it more than he needs to. That scene is the first time we rlly see Armand using his Rashid persona to tap into his past. He says, “I serve a God, it’s my honor to serve” which is fucking weird 😭 and no one but Armand would say that (real rashid wouldn’t💀 he definitely sees the vampires in a way that is more grounded and empathy based then god like). He’s clearly tapping into how he felt as Amadeo, a servant to Marius, rather than playing his part. It seems like Daniels interest in the painting and him talking about + bringing attention to it brought Armand back to that Venice mindset in a way. Even with this, he’s definitely pushing Daniel away, trying to change the topic as quickly as possible while remaining in character. Which makes me think that Armand wasn’t happy at the prospect of being so vulnerable with Daniel so soon. The impression I get (especially from season one) is that despite his past and current love for him, Armand sees a different person in old Daniel, and is very hesitant to open himself up to him. Considering how different (and mean) he is, and how painful and loaded their past was, it’s a very hard thing for Armand to approach, and it doesn’t seem currently on his agenda.

What I rlly am curious about is how Louis feels about Armand keeping Marius’s paintings in their home, displaying them on their wall. I imagine it would be uncomfortable for him, if not upsetting, in a similar way to how Armand feels about the presence of ghost Lestat, if not more complicated with the layer of how extremely abusive Marius was. But how can Louis judge? Who is he to give push back on smth like this when he is still actively hallucinating his dead, abusive ex husband 😭🙏there’s a lot going on there.

I rlly hope this painting thing gets explored in depth bcus omg I can not stop thinking about it either. Thank u SO MUCH for the ask I love this topic so much omg!!! Hope my response scratches the painting itch in ur brain<3

[bloodycyrano]

K, so I'm in a depressive episode, and I'm craving chocolate. Nobody probably cares, but here's what type of chocolate members of Team Tadpole prefer and how I think they'd react to receiving it as a gift! This is purely headcannons, and I haven't been able to play the game in a few months, so if I get something wrong, don't be mad at me, lol.

Shadowheart: She absolutely adores dark chocolate, and she's absolutely one of those pretentious fuckers who hate milk chocolate, and take anything other than 90-100% cacao as an insult on their fucking bloodline. She does think that she's better than you for liking Dark chocolate- This does not change if she gets her 'good' ending.

If you bring her her favorite type of chocolate, she will not only be impressed but grateful. I feel like she probably has chronic migraines or something and would enjoy sharing it with you some late night with a bottle of wine and a charcuterie board. Probably making flower crowns or feeding animals in a meadow, basic cottagecore lesbian romance stuff. I could be wrong, I've never romanced Shadowheart, but it's just a gut feeling.

Karlach: Karlach likes milk chocolate best, and doesn't see the point in putting up with something bitter just because some people think it's 'better'. More than anything, it reminds her of her mums baking, back when she was a kid. Chocolate is expensive and hard to get your hands on, but by god when the holidays came around or her birthday, I feel like her mum would've baked her the best cookies or chocolate chip muffins after working extra hard to afford it.

Karlach would love whatever type of chocolate you gave her, but I think especially if you brought her hot chocolate or chocolate chip cookies/Muffins/etc, she might even tear up a little. After all, she hasn't had something like that since her mom died.

Wyll: Wyll is a proud enjoyer of chocolate in general, but actually seems to favor white chocolate and dark chocolate the best. He likes to enjoy the contrast in flavors.

I feel like Wyll would just be grateful to be given chocolates, and wouldn't care much what form they came in. He'd probably invite you to enjoy them alongside him, and simply spend time with one another. I do believe he loves dark hot chocolate with whipped cream, and would probably try to set up a day to go to his favorite cafe in baldurs gate for hot chocolate, to return the favor. It's a treat for him, too, since he hasn't been there since his father cast him out. It'll bring a wave of nostalgia, and maybe some unkind memories.. But he will feel happy to be there. Especially to be there with you. And maybe, it'll become a much more common thing.

Astarion: I feel like he prefers dark chocolate, if he's able to eat it at all (I don't remember how vampires work in DnD.)..

If he can't eat it, I feel like he'd miss it.. the simple things. Pleasures like imported chocolates. He might go on a monologue about things he enjoyed as a Mortal that he no longer can.-.. If he can, however, eat chocolate.. I think he'd be surprised. Surprised you thought of him, surprised you spent the money, surprised you wanted to give him anything at all. I think he'd be very happy, but he probably wouldn't want to show it. He'd brush it off with a sarcastic comment or something, yet still taking the mental note that if nobody else cared, at least you did.

Gale: Gale is the most pretentious motherfucker there is, are you kidding me? I think he, himself, loves milk chocolate and it's a major guilty pleasure, but he tells everyone it's dark chocolate. He doesn't shame anyone for their preference, but there comes an air of arrogance whenever he says he likes dark chocolate.

He will definitely be grateful no matter what type you give him, but if you give him milk chocolate and tell him you know it's his favorite? He might try to deny it at first, but his heart is beating a mile a fucking minute knowing that you've been observant enough to bring him his actual favorite type without making a big deal about it, or calling him a liar.

Lae’zel: Has never had chocolate before, and doesn't know why you're giving it to her. She does, however, adore white chocolate after you get her to try some. You'd assume she'd prefer dark, but she doesn't. She believes that if you're going to have a sweet, or a desert, it shouldn't be bitter because that defeats the purpose.

After you get her to try it the first time, she'll insist she doesn't like it or see the reason for it, but at any party or gathering or anything where there's chocolate? She's sampling the fuck out of that snack table, and hovering over the bowl of sweets like a dragon guarding a hoard of treasure. She actually really likes fancy chocolates and truffles. If you bring them to her while in an established relationship, she won't act very different, but she's very happy and feels very loved.

I might do Halsin, Jaheira, Minsc, and Minthara later. Idk.

[vampirebrainrot]

LESTAT LIONCOURT??? STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING LESTAT LIONCOURT GOD DAMN FOOL BLOOD DRINKING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING LESTAT LIONCOURTSTOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT LESTAT LIONCOURT I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DID HE TURN ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN ON THE SCREEN NEVER SEEN THIS MAN NAKED AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SAMLLEST DICK GET AWAY FROM MEif i wanted to get into heaven and god said Lestat Lioncourt's waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back downif i have to deal with Lestat Lioncourt speaking one word in person on voice in an episode again not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alivei dont even know why i hate him so much but i am just mad because i am angyhe better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of gay fanfiction and wanted the irl version ill go hamBETTER have had his sire make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make himpaypal.com/IFuckingHateLestatLioncourtScene is not even about him. vaguely showed what is supposed to maybe be his back and I lost itwhere the fuck is Lestat Lioncourt if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasntcrusty old bitchill punch Lestat and his sad frail old vampire twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final book he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddishim not breathing im hyperventilating at this pointi hope theres a date given for when Lestat died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phoneeveryday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who did so many fucked up if true things

[coraniaid]

Top five btvs headcannons?

Hmm. Lots of options to choose from, but let's go with:

Of all the deaths we see on the show that the characters are weirdly blase about and never talk about again (which is most of them) the one I feel should matter most is Kendra's. The writers very obviously don't care about Kendra at all (in a way that makes me pretty angry if I think about it for long) but, at the same, the only way I can reconcile my idea of Who Buffy Is As A Person with the events of the post-Becoming seasons is to try to persuade myself that Buffy is thinking about Kendra a lot of the time, and that this meaningfully affects her relationship with Faith in Season 3 (and, for that matter, with Dawn in Season 5 and the Potentials in Season 7 too). Because, yes, Faith represents a lot of Buffy's own supressed thoughts and desires, and yes, there are lots of parallels in Season 3 between Faith and Angel. But the very fact Faith exists as a Slayer at all should be enough to remind Buffy of the Slayer who was called after her and died before her. How could that not bleed into her relationship with Faith as a person? How can Buffy not look at Faith and be constantly thinking of the Slayer she failed to save? (According to the show's writers, the answer is: very, very easily.[1])

Sort of a meta-headcanon (a headcanon schema?), but: as far as possible, I like to believe that the Buffy characters who are meant to be friends might actually talk to each other sometimes. And when we don't see various personal conflicts get resolved on screen, yet everything seems back to normal later (especially between seasons), I tend to assume they just talked things through a bit off-camera. Probably Buffy and Xander had a conversation after Dead Man's Party which involved him offering a grovelling apology, which is why they're still on speaking terms later that season. Probably Joyce and Buffy actually talked a bit about her being the Slayer before Faith, Hope & Trick, so that Joyce's claim to have "tried to march in the Slayer Pride Parade isn't as absurd as it seems to be on the face of it". Probably Giles and Buffy talked about the Cruciamentum a bit after Helpless, which is why she's forgiven him by the time the next episode starts and she never brings his role up in it again. In particular, this is why I kind of hate the reveal in Season 7's Selfless that Xander never admitted to his Lie in Becoming, and that Buffy just spent the last five years thinking Willow decided to try to cast the spell to restore Angel's soul again without asking Buffy's permission or giving her any warning she was about to try it beyond "kick his ass".

There really isn't any evidence for it in canon and I suspect it's ultimately purely the invention of one of the early 2000s Fuffy writers, but I really like the popular fanfiction conceit that there is some sort of mystical connection between Slayers which (in a way that varies a little depending on the writer) gives them some additional awareness of the other Slayer's presence or emotional state. Not just because I'm enough of a sap to think that that's kind of romantic (although I am and I do), but because it's a nice way to explain away some slightly contrived bits of plotting in the show (all three Slayers have a way of finding each other very quickly when the plot requires it). In the same spirit, though with perhaps a little more evidence in canon, I like the idea that Buffy and Faith's shared dreams don't just happen when we see them, but have basically been going on ever since Faith arrived in Sunnydale (or at least since Faith's coma). Also, relatedly, I still like this headcanon I posted last month.

Sort of an anti-headcanon in some ways, but I refuse to accept that Buffy's memory of trying to tell her parents about vampires back in LA -- and being briefly institutionalized as a result -- (which was revealed/retconned in Season 6's Normal Again) is real. I think that (whatever the show claims) it had to have been a false memory implanted by the same demon that was giving her visions of still being there. Say what you like about whether or not the Joyce we see on the show was a good parent, but this is just blatant character assassination of the worst sort. It completely changes how we have to see Buffy's relationship with her mother and makes several scenes and outright plot points absurd (even if Joyce is the sort of monster who could forget about having her doctor locked up, even after learning that actually Buffy was always telling the truth, why would a Buffy who had been through that still keep a diary in the house she shares with her mother where she talked about the supernatural or prominently put up crucifixes in her house or make jokes about 'saving the world from vampires' when her mother asked her what she was thinking? why would she care about her mother's opinion of her at all? why would she wait until Season 2 to run away from home, and why would she ever come back?). Taken seriously, this just totally undermines a major part of Buffy's character and one of the most important relationships in her life. And for what? A stupid "maybe this is all a dream?" ending to the episode that means nothing and never goes anywhere. No, fuck that. Didn't happen and I simply refuse to believe it did. (I also strongly dislike the idea that it's a false memory caused by Dawn's presence; Dawn doesn't deserve to be blamed for that and her existence isn't meant to have had that big of an impact on the world.)

[1] Actually if I'm being totally honest I suspect that if you polled most of the show's writers with this question the answer you'd get back would be "who's Kendra?"

[inmyhorrorsera]

S5E8 "The Roast" thoughts:

Ok, I watched this episode three times and I'm still smiling. I love when you think and episode is gonna be about something because of its title and then surprise you when its all a misdirection (see also: Succession's "Connor's Wedding").

At first Laszlo's err… state intrigued me, love everyone projecting and imposing their own insecurities (Guillermo's secret, Nadja's hex) as a reason on why he is behaving like that. And of course it's a stupid reason 😭.

"And a flat pepsi for Guillermo". Oh Nandor, that's the worst thing you ever done to Guillermo, that's the worst thing you could do to anyone. And yes, I remember a certain S4 episode.

I screeched like a bird when Colin mentioned dreaming about being a baby under Laszlo's care, not only because I wanted this shit to happen since the past finale, but also I really thought the episode was going on that direction (and also bc its another W for my predictions).

Having said that, LOVED the nonchalance of Nadja and the others when they were like 'no, it wasn't a dream, that totally happened'.

I mentioned it in a separate post: they really had a Sweet Dee in IASIP moment when The Guide gave the roast idea, only to be ignored and then the same idea being stolen by a dude who is celebrated.

Seanie's poor brain it should be soup at this point, we don't know if he can hazily remember the event like it happened before.

What can I remember is his line after Nadja's roast because it was one of the biggest laughs for me: "Women CAN be funny!" I fucking loved it so much, it's the perfect condescending shit straight men say all the time, even when they're trying to be complementary to you they can't stop being garbage. It was a simple line but Anthony nailed the delivery and timing. Seriously, rewatch that part.

At first I was confused why all the jokes were so mid, but shortly I realized this episode wasn't about the roast at all, lol.

Just by watching screenshots of other users I noticed that in the scene of Nandor resting his head on Guillermo's shoulder there's a BIG flame between them. LMAO. There's no way that is unintentional.

Good for The Guide being the catalyst of Baron Afanas learning the truth. I was demanding more screen time for her lately, so having some incidence in the main plot goes on the plus column.

The other guests present at the roast being shocked at the knowledge of Guillermo killing vampires surprised me; I always assumed Guillermo being a familiar/slayer was a known fact in the vampire community after his very public massacre at the Théâtre des Vampires.

Fuck yeah when I realized this is a Doug Jones spotlight episode, I just fuckin ahgdjkaksdf, love him, perfect, no notes.

The Baron being terrifying!! Guillermo was seriously scared for the others and he barely tried to show off his Van Helsing abilities.

Nandor and Nadja begging the Baron to not hurt Guillermo!! 😭 Them being dragged while grabbing the cape!! 😭 They're spiritual siblings to me!! 😭😭

They really reminded me a little bro and sis begging their mom to not hit their beloved older brother with the chancla for talking back or something.

I fell for the two fake-outs with the sack lol I'm so gullible when it comes to vampires I guess.

NANDOR PAINFUL SOUNDS (MOANS???) WHEN HE BELIEVED HE WAS IN FRONT OF GUILLERMO'S INERT BODY. IT WAS SAD BUT ALSO A LITTLE HORNY!!!

"At least he died doing what he loved: beating off in the toolshed."

A wonderful small detail: After Laszlo opened fake Guillermo with the knife he cleaned his hands on The Guide's dress.

Idc if you think its dark, the whole 'Nandor will kill you and then kill himself' bit becoming a recurring joke it's peak writing.

I wish I can say something more serious about Baron Afanas' sadness over how boring his life is now. But I just keep thinking that the way he talks about his homelife with The Sire and the Hellhound sounds exactly when a dude has a middle life crisis and suddenly he doesn't enjoy his marriage anymore. They're husbands!! And I loved how cunty he looked at the end all half-charred (see posted gif) Queen!

Now, the Nandermo of it all: What more can I say than incoherent screaming and foaming from the mouth? Episodes 8 are all about them again!! Nandor on the window looking all cliched melancholic heroine of a romance novel?? How relieved he was when he found him in the coffin??? Him still remembering Guillermo's card word for word???!! Knowing that this toxic dark sided devotion goes both ways???!!! Borrowing the words of Fleabag: THIS IS A LOVE STORY.

Seriously, I know all these soft Nandor moments are here so the heartbreak when he learns about Guillermo being turned it's even bigger. But still denying that there is a romantic undertone between these two it's just being purposely adamant at this point (i'm looking at you wwdits reddit). Even if nothing explicitly romantic happens on screen, just by watching these moments, I know, we know.

Now, go listen to the ending song again. You will not regret it.

[mallevsmaleficarum]

a summary of events that merit further dissection after relistening to campaign one of Naddpod re: the Feywild arc:

Hardwon dies fighting the Hounds and Bev has to revivify him

Hardwon hears Gemma, his mom, and his dad calling to him from three different afterlives (only Gemma tells him its not his time btw) and he has a choice to go with any of them or come back to life

Up until this point, his guilt over not preventing Gemma’s death has manifested in him feeling pretty bad about himself and also not really pursuing anything with anyone (being very awkward and not shooting his shot with the Tris’s (played for laughs)

Hardwon is revivified and says to Gemma that he’s still a bit of a fuckboi, followed by “Heeyy Moonshine and Bev”

various non-serious flirting happens for a couple episodes (Emily makes a point to say Moonshine was holding Hardown when he came back (Bev also grabs his hand))

While fighting Ezra the unseelie queen Hardwon kisses Moonshine after she’s attacked by the eye stalks and becomes frozen

Moonshine doesn’t seem to reciprocate for a couple rounds because she just learned she’s part High-elf and then Hardwon learns that when he killed Galad (sp?) he damned his mother to the Shadowfell and made her Galad’s prisoner again- he begins to think everyone he loves or has anything to do with dies because of him

Moonshine makes her saving throw- overcoming Ezra’s magic, and kisses Hardwon back (later Balnor comments that they were making out during the fight- they both seem a bit uncomfortable and play it off now that the fight’s over)

after the fight everyone is depressed about what they learned, Hardwon seems especially so, he and Moonshine get fucked up together

Hardwon also is pointedly awkward when Moonshine brings up Gemma in the next episode!!!

they go to the shadowfell, with Moonshine using her spores to bring Hardwon below five hp so they can planeshift and we know how she usually spores people to death

this is where I’m caught up to on my rewatch, but knowing what is to come in Shadowfell, I think its pretty clear Hardwon is aware of his romantic feelings for Moonshine at this point, got the courage to make a move, and was immediately punished (in his mind) for it by learning that his choices have hurt the people he loves (despite the fact he had no way of knowing any of these things would happen)

que vampire Hardwon and naked resurrection ritual (and ooooh do you remember that scene- thats a whole other post!!)

“I’ve been a half elf ever since I met you,” etc.

Basically they both keep getting closer to each other and discovering what they mean to each other but also get FURTHER away from making any declarative statements about it! the more they progress the more they have to loose and the more afraid they become of saying anything about it! (Also important to mention here that Moonshine is pretty much against monogamy- which adds another layer to this BUT doesn’t cheapen any of the feelings they have for one another).

Therefore: if Hardwon hadn’t learned about his mom he might have made a move by their last night before they fought Thiala instead of sleeping with a dwarf from New Zealand (and someone remind me-did Moonshine cast foresight (9th level) so that Hardwon would be good on his first time??)

I literally cannot wait for the next episode of Ba2umia and their hopeful reunion

Note: theres no right or wrong way things should’ve happened btw, all of the players had the agency to make their own character choices and i respect the hell outta all of them all as players- the are THE characters of all time and they each had such amazing character arcs!!! i love the whole cast (very much including Caldwell and Murph!)

i had to subscribe to the patreon i gotta know what theyre saying in the short rests!!!!

[kazperthegh0st]

RaTing TMA season 1 episodes

001: Angler Fish, the cigarette and disappearance one. Not very memorable. 5/10

002: Do Not Open, the will power this one man contains is greater than God, i swear. I probably would have opened that coffin tbh. 10/10

003: Across the Street, to be Grahm or Not to be Grahm, that is the question. Eating paper is not really my thing but you do you. 8/10

004: Page Turner, kinda boring to me but it introduces important people. 4/10

005: Thrown Away, it reminds me of that one short FNAF story where the girl finds her real body cut up in garbage bags. I liked this episode. 9/10

006: Squirm, I have no memory of this episode. 2/10

007: The Piper, All i remember is rats, a dead dude in a dumb ditch, and The Great War. It was a good read tho. 4/10

008: Burned Out, There was a Spooky Tree, an apple, and a box ( i think it had a necklace in it??). There is also the religious dude— i think hes also the jesuit dude that killed two people in a later episode but i could be wrong. 5/10

009: A Fathers Love, this one was so sad to me ngl. I have two questions: What happened to the mother (i know she died but theres gotta be more)? and also whats the necklace all about ( i might be crazy but wasn’t it in the box in burned out?)? I do think the dad is somehow innocent, like he was possessed or smth. 10/10

010: Vampire Killer, this was a cool, fun episode and I enjoyed the different approach to Vampires. 9/10

011: Dreamer, We hear some new stuff about what happened to Jon’s predecessor, outside of that its an ok episode. Elias is mentioned. 5/10

012: First Aid, don’t remember this episode at all but i looked at the episode tag on here and Gerry is in it so on principle it gets a 5/10

013: Alone, my mind is so blank about this episode. Jon was nice tho. 2/10

014: Piecemeal, i don’t remember it well but Tumblr tells me it was good. 5/10

015: Lost Johns’ Cave, this reminded me of those tiktok videos about idiots who get stuck in caves. But at the same time this episode was deeply unsettling and sad. 10/10

016: Arachnophobia, proof that spiders do not die no matter what you do. Lazy ass cat ( Major Tom, great name, unintended David Bowie reference ) 8/10

***All previous thoughts were made well after the episodes were read so i could be wrong or forgetful regarding some details.***Future thoughts will be made immediately after, or the same day as reading the episodes.***

017: The Boneturners Tale, more of the weird books. I think there was arson in this episode (?) 5/10

018: The Man Upstairs, This one was absolutely disgusting (in a good way?!?!) it made me want to throw up but at the same time was sooo cool. 8/10

019: Confession and 020: Desecrated Host, putting these two together. Why is there such a strong theme of cannibalism and removal of body parts in this podcast? It was really interesting and well written. 8/10

021: Freefall, not that interesting to me ngl. It wasnt bad tho 5/10

022: Colony, MARTIN!!! A real character! He is a sweet innocent baby who can do no wrong. The episode itself was super unsettling. Who is the woman again tho?

023: Schwartzwald, this was boring, sorry. I know i should have found it more interesting cause its a letter for Jonah Magnus but it just wasn’t appealing to me. 2/10

024: Strange Music, I love the aesthetic of Pipe Organs, always have. (Why is it now in the institute?!?!) the creepy dolls and the circus clowns were cool. I love that the movers came back again, kinda odd but thats expected. 10/10

025: Growing Dark, not too memorable but there is now another missing person. (Yay). 4/10

026: A Distortion, SASHA!!! Another Real Character! Nothing had better happen to Jon or Martin or else. I love them too much. Micheal seems interesting too. 8/10

027: A Sturdy Lock, the first episode I listened to while reading the transcript. Is there or is there not a lock on that door? Bro should invest in a pet tho. Average episode but still good. 7/10

028: Skin Tight, wasn’t Cambridge Military Hospital in another episode? Also who is the archivist? The voice ( im listening and reading ) is different from Jon’s and is not female so not Gertrude. Sarah Baldwin is also a familiar name. Skin peeling. Lovely. (Sarcasm) 10/10

029: Cheating Death, reminds me of 007. I think its neat that the person making the statement had the Institute write it for him. This was a cool story. I like how much of it was a folktale and then it took a turn. 10/10

030: The killing floor, oh the delights of the meat industry. What was up with Tom Haan tho? Why did he kill himself? Why is there a living meat pile?!?! 10/10

Shortly after listening to that episode i made steak. While making steak i listened to the next two.

031: First Hunt, I kept thinking of that “Run Rabbit” song. Im glad humans dont have natural predators. But as an American (unfortunately) as soon as I heard where this was and the guy made note of the whistling… I knew he was screwed. Jon is so dissmissive tho. First episode where i only listened to it. 10/10

I have no idea why the previous story made me decide to cook steak.

032: Hive, this wasn’t much of a real statement but proof that Jane is crazy. It was just “insects do be buzzing” the noises in the background were upsetting. (Listened only while cooking a steak) 10/10

033: Boatswain’s Call, We meet Peter Lukas ( who may or may not be Elias’s Husband? I saw it in a Tiktok ) and I think it was slightly unsettling how they all loaded into the lifeboat. Did they vote the dude out or something? (Read and listened) 8/10

034: Anatomy Class, body snatchers named John/Jane Doe traumatize a professor. I love how they’re all trying to pump their hearts to figure out how they’re supposed to beat. Im a big fan of anatomical sciences. (Read only) 10/10

035: Old Passages, It’s Gerry on the hunt for Leitners books! Another dead person and some secret passages. What happened to Jon. Why did the Delivery Duo Dudes show up with a package for him??? (Read only) 10/10

036: Taken Ill, the episode itself was boring to me but the end was interesting. Why is there a lighter, that i assume has connections to The Web? What does Elias want with it? (Read only) 7/10

037: Burnt Offering, boring. Sorry. Could the wicca and voodoo stuff in the woods be related to Jane? (Read only) 5/10

038: Lost and Found, This was Sad. Important things go missing, more so they cease to exist, until eventually its the Husband. Jons fear of spiders returns. And now for the end of Season 1. (Read only) 10/10

039: Infestation, I did find it funny when Jon called himself an idiot. Martin just needs to let my boy Jon be in (SEVERE) denial. Jon is being watched (the eye!) Tim is so excited that he almost died. Its odd. Oooh its Not Sasha! “Archivist.” “Shit.” (I listened to it and then read the transcript) 9/10

040: Human Remains, what did Not Sasha do with the tape… I do know what happened to Gertrude so Elias acting the way he does in this scene is funny. (I listened to it then read the transcript) 9/10

Really good podcast. I liked it.

— are the secret passages from 038 connected in anyway to the tunnels around the archives?

— what was it that got sasha in the end and is real sasha dead?

— does gerard start to pop up more often? As an actual cast member?

— what was Jane looking for in the written files?

[anoopsiedaisie]

My Fionna and Cake episode 7&8 tangent

Lets start it off with the score. 20/20 it was fantastic. my stupid theory post will happen eventually, and I will ABSOLUTELY TALK ABOUT PETRIGROF

The star - Cake thinking Fionna was upset cause her fling died was silly, Fionna was clearly upset before about the candy people. The fight with the vampires was funny but intense, I love how Cake and Fionna care a lot about eachother. Also why does Simon know what holy water taste like. Pb and "Star" was so cute, and I was so right when I talked about us getting more Bubbline on tiktok (Tiktok account is not linked anywhere btw) The vampire world is super sad though, cause they had really been eating for so long, that a potential thousands of people died. Marshall and Gary really lit up the episode from the sadness once again, Gary's tangents of his candy kingdom are so cute. AND HIS HAMBO THINGY IN HIS CAR. Marten and baby Finn are so cute, I wanna legit cry cause HES MEANT TO BE A GOOD DAD BUT HES SO STUPID IN THE OG UNIVERSE. Also imma say this now, Prismo gets in trouble for breaking the rules once and ignoring a few beeps, BUT Scarab ignores several beeps and his entire job and doesn't get in trouble, that boss better have a good reason. Second date (potentially) and Marshall already introducing his boyfriend to his mom, damn. Marshall's mom matches og Hunson perfectly somehow, duche parent club. And Marshall's little blush of embarrassment from his mom acting all weird infront of Gary. Billy's corpse is messed up, like reall messed up, and the reminder of how tall he is is also crazy. I was also wondering the entire time if Pb was human in this universe until she bit off half her arm basically. The Star's outfit is so good, but I wonder how she turned into a vampire now, maybe she was bit in front of that worlds Simon's body and thats why she screamed at something. Already long section so I'll end it here with, I LOVED THIS ENTIRE EPISODE, Huntress dying was sad though, and Gary Marshall kiss was adorable. Closing thought of this episode, Bubbline but toxic yuri. Jerry - Simon and Betty better get a happy ending or I will legit be so sad, they love each other so much, and Betty just legit became part of a god over her Fiance once celebrity crush. I love how gorgeous everything is in this show, Orbo is also a funny character. I feel like someone could narrow down where things and places they go in this Lich's wish universe it'd seem fun at first then spiral though. Simon does NOT know how to draw though get this man an art class. The tree house being naked though, all its leaves gone. Lich's wish to kill all life, really just unironically killed ALL life, down to plants. Fun little references to old episodes, and including one that revolved around Ice king, hmm. Also I wonder the age gap between Betty and Simon, I like to see it as they're like a year apart but Simon just skipped grades cause hes a smart cookie. Also Simon had slides ready for people to be loud, HE WAS READY. Nerd girls in love. I am also guessing Bmo has been alone for awhile now, at least since season 5ish times since thats when the Lich would have made this wish. All the references in Ice King's junk from the melted ice kingdom. Ninja guide books, kunai, vhs tapes and the camera, the pink diary, his bed has the wishing amulet that Gunter used to break bottles. I was RIGHT

Fionna see's how unhealthy Ice King was, and changes her mind and wants him to not become this sad sad man again. Simon would genuinely be such a sweet and wonderful parent, he loved taking care of the babies in the baby universe, and he sees Fionna get happy when he tells his story with Betty and keeps doing it to keep her happy. Neddy is also guaranteed dead, already obvious but the candy kingdom doesn't have the juices being produced. Bmo has done a lot in his isolation, a lot of stuff is changed or moved, I feel so bad for bmo. But the lines "Help me zip up my bra" and "Ooo, butt stuff" Wow. The Simon and Betty stuff makes me so happy, they're so cute and I love them, they need to have a happy ending or I will be so sad. The lesbians ever, I love these lesbians, let the lesbians be happy. Simon struggling to say he loves her is so CUTE. Poor Bmo, I feel so bad, but he was probably so sad being alone, sad in someway. Petrigrof moment was so cute and adorable please, I want them so happy, they deserve to be happy. Now for the bombshell, Jerry. The Lich's wish monkey paw aspect is that he gets depressed and has nothing to do now that all life is gone. Billy's body decomposing as the Lich parasites it. SO, imma theory my reason for the portal finally opening to GolBetty, either it was because the Lich was used as the battle and influenced it in a way to allow it to finally work, OR Betty's wish to keep Simon safe truly included the crown being worn. Like the crown really did trigger GolBetty like "BITCH, NO" or the third that makes probably the most sense, The Scarab was literally about to kill Simon and go against what Betty wants, meaning she is going to interfere. I saw someone say that GolBetty likely wont remember Simon and this could cause something. BUT I REALLY HOPE THEY DONT DO THAT, I WANT THEM HAPPY SO BADLY

[redrikki]

Teen Wolf Rewatch - Season 1 Review

Season 1 of Teen Wolf serves the same blend of camp, horror, and teenage coming of age drama as my youthful fav Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but by making the monster the protagonist, it changes it up in interesting ways. Scott is a fascinating choice for the lead, not just cause he's a werewolf, but because he's not a hero. He doesn't want to be there, he's only involved in the plot to protect himself from it. He's the victim of people who would be the heroes of monster hunting shows like BtVS and Supernatural or the antihero protagonists of a roaring rampage of revenge film. Making Scott the main puts Teen Wolf into interesting conversation with those other genres and shows.

This season does a good job of setting out the themes that will define the rest of the series. Revenge is an open spiral of destruction. Monster is as monster does. Power is an obligation to act and the pursuit of power hurts everyone including you. Poor communication kills. Violations of characters bodily autonomy and mind makes for compelling suffering.

Returning to season 1 and reminding myself of where Scott started gives me more appreciation for where he ends up. He changes so much! Yes, he's still a dorky sweetheart, but his priorities are radically different. Season 1 Scott is a selfish, immature child. He refuses to give up a sport he loves and worked hard on just because playing endangers himself and everyone around him. He plans to kill a man, not for justice or to protect, but so he doesn't have to live with lycanthropy. That's a far cry from season 6 Scott who gives up college to protect Beacon Hills and tries to save the lives of his enemies. Insert that's growth.gif here.

Hey, you know who else in season 1 is selfish and immature? Literally all of them! Stiles is out here living his Hardy Boys/comic book fantasy with zero thought as to the impact of his adventures on everyone else. Allison is so desperate to be strong she's putting arrows into people over it. Derek is so into his trust issues he alienates everyone who might have willingly helped him by trying to intimidate and manipulate them into it. Lydia is using her "friends" and cutting off bits of herself for just a sliver of validation and do not gets me started on Jackson. They all grow so much from here and I'm looking forward to watching it all over again!

Scott/Allison is central to the season, but I was kind of cold on it until the last episode. As an aromantic asexual, I have been bewildered, bored, and exasperated by teen romance drama since I was a teen. It doesn't help that their relationship isn't based on anything more solid than lust. Scott needs Allison to feel normal and in control at a time when he has none, but he doesn't trust her enough to share what he's going through or respect her enough to make informed decisions about her safety or their relationship. It isn't until the moment in the season finale where he trusts her to help him fight Peter and where she knows what he is and decides to love him anyway that I really started to ship it.

The vibes on this show are impeccable, but the cracks in the writing are already starting to show. There's all these continuity errors. When was the fire? How many died? What classes are the kids in again? And don't even get me started on the timeline. This show desperately needed a show bible, but whatever I guess.

[neitherthehoneynorthebee]

Patreon supporter so I've listened to both episodes of the suckening and I have thoughts thoughts thoughts. Spoilers below you have absolutely been warned.

The feel and dynamic is so interesting and different - it definitely feels distinct from their other shows

The group dynamic is also quite different ... Slimecicle's main NPC doesn't even seem that gay (/j it's too early to tell)

I hope they introduce more world building, because I always really enjoy their campaigns' worlds and the feel of them.

Absolutely insane introduction to ep1.

Soda (from ep 1-2) is already having an insane and devastating arc (/HJ) and I really hope he has some time to get developed because he is insane and I want to know what his deal is and also what his dynamic is with Emizel.

Emizel (dunno if that is the spelling but suck it we ball) is wild. Like what's his deal? He's chill with his dad getting killed? He's violent but protective of Shilo outside of the nightclub. Also I'm assuming he's like Shilo's twin or smth so why the fuck is he living in LA while his bro has been locked up for god knows how long? Presumably his biological mum is keeping tabs on him without ever getting involved. Interesting.

Shilo wants to see a pheasant and I love that for him. Also I love the way Bebo/Bizly is playing him. The accent reminds me of Alexander (?) from the murder mystery oneshot. It makes sense he (Shilo) doesn't have a spine currently but I really hope he finds one - he managed to escape, I really want him to start asserting himself to people other than those he can brainwash.

Arthur is fun, I like that he's getting frustrated with the boys when he literally broke down a door really loudly and murdered some guy and got attention immediately. Like he can talk about doing stupid shit. Also Void the cat is great.

Also why is Shilo actually locked up? And all the NPCs and Arthur at least are acting like it's normal, so does everyone know and just not give a shit - I mean, they are vampires. But also that's rough.

If Grefgor dies I will go into a Victorian style period of mourning, as he deserves.

Fucking Noda.

[crimsonlyinglilly]

Day 10 “Can you hear me?”                           

| Fear | Smoke | Phone Call |

Day 10 @juneofdoom

Wasn't the planned fill for this but it fit, a return to Stolen Three and Henrik deals with betrayal.

In partial thanks to @isobel-seyms2311 who reminded me of this, Cage Founder's version of this may be a long way off but take this as a hold over.

Bad end for most the Mystic Falls gang as Henrik reminds them for all he looks fourteen he's a thousand years old and has the strength, speed and power of it.

Warning for Character deaths; Jeremy, Elena and Stefan.

Set during TVD Season 4 Episode 12

-----

Henrik returns to life choking and feeling hollowed out, they explain in stumbling apologies it had to be done, it was for the cure, it was the quickest way.

He has always been the closest to those he sired, whether it was from the guilt of turning and using Tristan, no matter how much the older man told him he had forgiven him, that he was impressed, or something else.

Since Kol’s death in the mess that was mother returning to kill them had shown their continued connection to their sireline, Henrik had gone looking for the feeling within them.

So he can still feel his sireline, he can feel how it’s decimated a fraction of what it once was.

He’s next to Elena before they see him move, a fresh hunter and baby vampire didn’t stand a chance if he hadn’t trusted them.

Like his friends, those he sired had trusted him and he let them down.

Elena doesn’t have the chance to register him as a threat as he turns her to face him and compels her, plucking the bespelled white oak stake from her hand.

“Tear Jeremy Gilbert's head off right now.”

She’s not as fast as him but the idea of defending himself from his sister is unthinkable enough to delay him.

Jeremy Gilbert dies quickly, Henrik does the merciful thing and kills Elena before she realises what she had done leaving him facing the Bennet witch and the blonde Klaus fancied. 

Bonnie and Caroline, they had introduced last year following Elena and insisting they were friends and could trust each other and he had believed them like the stupid child he was stuck as.

Forgiving them when they tried to kill Klaus, got father killed while trying that and later killed Kol while almost killing all of them.

The witch started chanting, Henrik had learned during his centuries, he was commonly a target for witching thinking he could be used against Klaus, for all he looked like a preteen, he had lived centuries.

In a burst of mist, he reappeared behind Caroline pushing his hand through her rib to grasp her heart.

“Stop or you lose another friend.” He orders,

The chanting stopped.

“I don’t want to kill anyone else.” It's a offer, that part of him doesn't want to give but killing them would take time and he wanted to check, find out how many of those he had taken solace in during the last nearly a century he was apart from Klaus and his siblings.

“They were my friends.” the witch choked out, he let Caroline take a step as the girl threw herself infront of her remaining friend.

“So were are my sire line. I only turn the people I trust, people I want in my life for the centuries to come. How many contacts on my phone are dead?” 

The thought almost chokes him but he swallows back grief and focus on the betrayal, burning outrage over drowning pain.

“Why do your friends and lives mean more than mine?” he asked, watching as they flinched.

“This is over if any of you come for vengeance, I will tell those grieving those of my sireline and Kol’s where their deaths came from.”

Both looked at him with slowly growing realisation, he smiled, it was cold and empty, not that of a fourteen year old boy. “And they will descend and wipe this town off the map after turning it into a horror.”

“Damon-” Bonnie started,

“You can’t protect him,” he told her.

Damon loved fiercely and would hunger for vengeance in a useless attempt to cover the pain, he was a lot like Henrik’s family like that “but I won't blame you or the town if he attacks.”

He leaves before any more words were spoken and ignored the sobs that followed him out.

-—

Klaus smells blood before he gets to the Gilbert house, he had realised what their plan was too late, and the idea of losing another little brother to this town made him sick. By the time he gets in sight of it he meets Henrik walking in the street staring at his phone in a daze.

“Henrik” he called lightly as he reached out, “Can you hear me?” 

“They tried to call me when it happened.” Henrik explained his tone disturbingly empty as he lifted the the phone to show and Klaus was more than a little lost, his brother was alive they couldn’t have killed him, but there on his brother’s phone dozens of missed calls all the same time.

“What happened?” he asked

“They didn’t want to kill me because we were friends” his brother sneered at the last word, “but everyone else” he choked and Klaus looked around before scooping him up as he had centuries ago, before Henrik started insisting on treating him as an adult, like Kol. 

Klaus hadn’t pointed out the only reason he stopped doing that to Kol was because their lanky brother had become too much for him to manage.

Henrik managed to hold his tears until Klaus placed him on his bed before he curled around his phone. Klaus left the room when Henrik shook off his hands.

Instead he sat outside as Henrik started going through his phone contacts looking for survivors.

—-

Rebekah watched Stefan as he answered the phone, his words circling her brain along with a never ending scream, they were planning to kill Henrik, her littlest brother, the baby of the family, to use his sireline’s death to fill the map.

She knew how much his friends mattered, those he trusted his blood too, the people who saw him as more than the immortal child, and they were going to take that from him, people he trusted.

She had hated Elena for stabbing her in the back but had trusted her with Henrik, seen the way she looked at Jeremy, surely she had to understand how important Henrik was. His near death had almost broken their family, had made their parents change them into monsters, he was the one who had spent centuries pulling them back from bloodbath after bloodbath, whose smile no matter how much it had dimmed since their life always managed to brighten their days.

The cure wasn’t worth the last of all their innocence.

If they managed it, they would dim his smile even more she was going to burn this whole town down, she should have after Kol.

“I’m going to kill him.” Stefan snarled into the phone to bring her from her thoughts and Rebekah didn’t need to ask to know who he was talking about it. Whatever flickering embers of attraction for him vanished as she realised how much he meant it.

Stefan puts up a fight but against an Original without any restraint, he was still a two hundred year old vampire without a white oak or dagger.

He dies.

She watched with annoyance as she realised she would need to kill Damon too. Perhaps she could outsource that to Klaus and just take Henrik away from this place.

By the time she gets home to find Klaus sitting outside the room, he doesn’t speak as he looks her over, Stefan had managed to ruin her clothes before she put him down, and she slides down the wall next to him. 

Their silence as they listen to Henrik break on the other side of the wall.

–

One just one of you

Another rings off, he ignores the way his hand shake and moves to the next contact

someone answer please, just one

Heya it’s Mitsy, leave a message and i’ll get back to you.

Someone please

The person your calling cannot pick up right now, leave a message

Just one.

“Hello?” a voice pick up of the third ring and he jumps

“Nate?” he asks, even when part of him knows the voice is wrong, hope is an insidious painful thing that grows even when you know better.

“No i’m sorry i think there was some kind of accident there loading up a body-” he hang up and moves down.

Another one he thinks the next one will answer.

It rings and he waits and hopes.

[dumborangecat]

Fionna and Cake predictions!! !SPOILERS!

(these are heavily based on parts 1 & 2 of my analysis, and reference them frequently so they might not make sense without reading it) (they also may contradict eachother as i have multiple different ideas for what may happen)

Just realised i accidently became the very thing i hated, and called something an ‘analysis’ while most of it is just going over the plot, please take this as a token of apology

1. The vampire universe.

Based on the images we get and the order they come in for the trailer, my guess is that when Simon and the gang arrive in vamp world they get jumped by a group of vampires. Based on the fact we seem to see them in a different place later without any convinient new travel companions it’s likely they make it out without help.

I have 2 ideas for the canon that we see pointed at Simon Fionna and Cake (SFC since i’m too lazy to keep typing all that)

- The canon is manned by a vampire and shoots out either more vamps or maybe even marceline herself. The image we see of her zooming through the air she’s in a very ‘aerodynamic’ pose, with her arms right to her sides and knees entirely unbent, the same pose one would be in if they’d just been shot out of a canon, while the other vampires are very spread out, looking more like cats when they lunge at their prey. This would also explain Simons shock and concern compared to F&C’s more tame ‘oh there’s a canon now’ type look. It would be pretty shocking to see basically your daughter about to be shot out of a canon, directly towards you.

- The canon actually shoots out the garlic bombs we see go off later. This theory also means i’ts likely manned by (probably) Huntress wizard we see later (presumably) shooting at either SFC or the vampires. I think she likely does this because she’s never seen these people before and assumes their either vampires, or just some other threat. This still explains simons shock (sort of) as it’s not everyday you see a garlic bomb canon, and he’s smart enough to realise that probably means their mistaken for a vamp, while fionna and cake have never seen a garlic bomb before and would just be confused.

If if is marcilene coming out of there, that probably won’t go over well when she realises that it’s simon she’s being shot at. We don’t see her simon in the trailer or intro yet, but based on the fact that she’s likely evil here, it’s safe to assume he’s no longer around to teach her proper morals and such. Whether he died, left her, or something else happened, we don’t know yet. But based on which of these 3 happened she’ll have a very different reaction to see simon now. It’s also possible that the crown just made him crazy way earlier, meaning he didn’t have as much time to like, ensure she doesn’t go evil by teacher her stuff like ‘vandalism is bad’ n stuff. If that is true, i think her hearing that there’s a simon out there who isn’t corrupted by the crown but is activly trying to be would royally piss her off.

We only really get shots of (probably) the middle/start of the episode, so there isn’t many clues to the ending but i have a few ideas. (Hopefully) seeing marcy again and likely getting reminded of how the crown hurt her before, would at the very least begin planting the seeds of doubt in Simon’s mind about the crown and if he won’t give it up for himself, he’ll consider giving it up to avoid hurting his friends n family back in ooo. Overall i’m super excited for that episode and the more in-depth look into simon and marcy’s relationship it’ll hopefully give.

2. Weird desert world thing!

Starting off we know this is set post-vampire world because the entire time Fionna is wearing this new green jacket (that honestly reminds me of Magic-woman-betty’s jacket but could just be a coincidence) that she doesn’t have in vamp world.

We get quite a few less shots of this episode sadly, so there’s less to work with, but i do have some thoughts,

Every single image we have in this desert place only has either Fionna, Cake, or BMO. Absolutely no Simon. leading me to believe somethings happened either to him or all 3 of them causing them to be seperated. What? I’m not sure, it’s possible he was captured by the scarab which would by an interesting route to go and (if people are correct about her being scarab’s boss) coukd even lead into Golbetty apearing, or there could just be a mix up and someone in the workd kidnapped him or smth. Either way it looks like he’s MIA for now.

BMO seems to be super importsnt this episode, getting a sort of dramatic-ish reveal but more importantly she has Ice kings secret tapes, and seems to be playing them for F&C. F&C seeing the tapes would no doubt change their perception of both Simon and Ice king, hopefuloy having them realise just how horrible possesing the crown was, but also seeing how Ice king wasn’t actually a fun guy who wrote silly little books but someone who was incredibly sad and lonely. This new perception of the two would hopefully lead them into no longer wanting ice king to put on the crown, and instead trying to find a different way to save their world.

It could also show to fionna that magic and adventures aren’t as fun as they first seem, and maybe push her into accepting her ‘mundane’ and ‘boring’ world as a place she actually does love and enjoy and is okay living in.

3. Simon & Betty (flashback)

we only get 4 images of this and they paint a relatively small picture about what actually happens but they paint one nonetheless

Based of these 4 images, it looks as though Simon and Betty are on a date of sorts. Simon also runs to Betty before she catches the bus to the airport for her trip. The date could happen before or after she doesn’t board the bus, but i think it’s after, not only because it’s a dark photo but i just don’t see how it would fit (narrativly) if it happened first. Basically it seem to be a flashback to the day simon and betty first met, fairly simple.

While i can’t come up with any more then that for the flashback, i do think it’s either something we see right before golbetty, or even during golbetty. possibly like a ‘remeber when we first met, and blah blah blah’ type thing to try and get betty to remember being betty (if she doesn’t in her golb form)

That’s all i can think of, i would add a golb section because of all the forshadowing we get but the foreshadowing isn’t enough to tell me what actually happens with golb so i left that out.

I’ll either look really smart or really stupid once fhe next episodes come out and i can’t wait to find out which