#...this reminds me of an episode of The Vampire Dies in No Time

[beansprean]

E11 Ideas in no particular order:

Simon the Devious rug pull/reveal

Simon the Devious was behind the documentary all along. He is Greg the camera guy. The documentary was produced by the Daltry Brothers Production Company with thanks to the Toby Daltry Memorial Film Foundation

Outrageous nandermo flirting throughout

Nandermo secret off-camera relationship (we already have canon nandermo QPR I just wanna remind everyone Guillermo is officially in the polycule)

We find out via tv news in the background that Jordan got hit with that sign Nandor threw and he died (no one cares bc they are doing more interesting things)

Nandermo get served by the local Staten Island Chapter of Vampire Vigilantes for operating as superheroes without a permit

"Clip show" where they all watch the documentary

"Clip show" where they all watch the documentary and its full of 'deleted' scenes that we have never seen before (leading to revealed secrets and arguments and confessions and-)

1 hour special that is literally the documentary (with a special guest narrator)

The Guide x Miguel I am so serious

The entire episode is just a backdoor pilot for a spinoff series (seanmaine sitcom?) (life as cravensworth's robinson's monster?)

The house blows up/is destroyed somehow

Colin, as part of the house based on my own personal EV lore, dies or nearly dies bc of this. They get a new house and bury him there and then he pops back up babystyled and the monster has to be his dad now

The monster sacrifices himself to save his dads (noooo!!!!!!!!)

Last scene all the vampires are going into the fancy room to have an orgy and Nandor pokes his head out to say 'arent you coming Guillermo?' and he grins and shrugs at the camera and goes in and thats how it ends

Jenna was there The Whole Time (please god it would be so funny i will die on this hill)

Guillermo dies and Nandor has to turn him anyway

Guillermo dies and Nandor tries to turn him but apparently thats how energy vamps are made whoopsie

Laszlo says "Guillermo" correctly

Red carpet premiere of the documentary with all the fan favorite characters returning as guests

(maybe even including the two Freddies bc it would be very funny. Nandor getting jealous like excuse me step away from Guillermo you had your chance and Freddie is like oh sorry no I'm the other Freddie and Nandor is like o rly hello and Guillermo is like exCUSE ME STEP AWA-)

Red carpet premiere of the documentary with all the fan favorite characters returning as guests that turns out to be a trap set by the Vampiric Council and they all have to fight their way out of that shit again

Red carpet premiere of the documentary that turns out to be a trap set by Batdor and Robllermo to murder a bunch of rich people

Nadja starts an mlm foot pic empire with the monster as her bouncer (dressed in a cute little pimp suit and feathered hat)

Somehow, the Witch's Skin Hat has returned

Guillermo returns to his pre-corporate color palette (greens and browns and reds and patterns pls!!) but its well fitted and non shitty sweaters

All the ghosts of all the people they ever killed/buried at the house rise up and attack (including lisa's severed head), and this somehow leads to Dolly finishing her unfinished business and saying goodbye

The Guide is proud and relieved to see that Nandor is no longer obsessed with her and they are buddies now

She insinuates that he found what he was looking for (in Guillermo). sometimes you hurt every woman in your life because your soulmate is a man

Sean dies (noooooo!!!!!!!!)

Sean gets turned into a vampire

Sean gets turned into a vampire and immediately breaks every rule and also turns Charmaine and somehow manages to take over the entire eastern seaboard and overthrow Tilda Swinton as supreme leader of the Vampiric Council

MAJOR timeskip, like multiple years or even decades. 10 year retrospective post-documentary release?

They recreate the supernatural finale beat for beat, complete with colin in a very bad wig and two covers of "you're dead" back to back to fill up the runtime

Vampire society rises up against the house after the documentary is released and they all die

[the-mpreg-guy]

i think it's important to often bring up how john and dean's relationship was not just black and white because fandoms tend to villainize parents often without nuance. was he a bad parent? yes. but he was also a parent. i am not defending him in any shape or form, let it be known, but it is glaringly obvious how many people believe a parent can only be good or bad. i would also go out a limb and say that some of the mischaracterizations of dean's character stem from firm belief that he was raised by a loveless, hateful man. sometimes your father will help you with your math homework. sometimes you will frustrate him so much (because you're just a child) and he will backhand you. sometimes he will make you a warm meal even though he's as tired as a dog coming from work because he loves you. sometimes he will yell at you so loud your ears will ring. he will be your biggest hero because he drives a cool car and shoots big guns, but he won't know how to explain to you that you remind him of his dead wife. he will be your worst enemy because he's trying but his trying isn't enough. he will be your biggest hero because he pulls you out of a dangerous bar or a werewolf even though he put you in that situation. he will be your worst enemy when you teach your brother that this isn't enough. because the opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference. and god knows he loved and hated both you and your little brother.

things that make me insane:

the wide eyed hitchhiker routine

"are you thinking what i'm thinking?" dean immediately offering himself up as bait in s1 ep2 and sam not questioning it

this followed by dean being vampire bait later that season. also not questioned

dean's father being a "lot of things" but not a coward

the wide eyed hitchhiker routine

tara asking dean what john would think of him. dean looking so dead behind the eyes you'd think he'd already taken the mark of cain

dean going to john's grave in the djinn world for comfort. he yells at the headstone and then cries

the wide eyed hitchhiker routine

john being dead in the djinn world

"and when dad came home"

have i mentioned the wide eyed hitchhiker routine

"daddy's little girl broke in 30"

"he was was a good father" -> dean's eyes going dead

the bruises on dean's wrists in bad boys

things that happened in the same episode: "my father was an obsessed bastard" and dean confirming that he sees bobby as a father figure

oh yeah the wide eyed hitchiker routine

season one dean's dream of having his family back together including john

dean calling john when there was something in his old house. and crying

season two dean being so fucking suicidal bc in john's last moments he confirmed that he was aware that he did a shit job and apologized for it, before destroying dean's faith in him by asking him to kill sam

every other time god comes up in conversation dean ends up having a daddy issues coded conversation

dean beating up baby after john dies

sam implying that a little more alcohol and they could've had max's childhood.

younger sam telling amy pond that she wouldn't want to see his dad when he was drinking.

dean not meeting sam's eye for a beat after he implies that could have max's childhood

"all things considered"

"when dad came home"

"i hate you." "but i love you" -> directed at mary (but it's at both of them. dean was parentified by john and mary's death. it's at both of them)

omfg have i mentioned the wide eyed hitchhiker routine

[yakourinka]

spoilers about zwilingsturme in herbst

so arturia huh

the episode she had when she was young with the "voices" and "feelings" overwhelming her vaguely reminded me of my mother's tales of my uncle who had schizophrenia. never met the man, he died very young but that's another story. now obviously there's a clear fantastical element here: the cause of her suffering and some of her consequent behaviour is her arts that she was born with, which we can't exactly define as an illness. or can we?

throughout the story she struck me as that specific and very rare kind of mentally unwell that is more of a harm to society than to herself. she does manage to maintain a friendship with cora, something worth nothing, but she's clearly isolated, alienated. the way she interacts with the world ("my eyes, ears and heart") is entirely through her musical instrument, which is completely incomprehensible even to the most committed musicians and which is connected to her arts, the root cause of her social deviance

and out of all fucking people it's the witch king who asks her, but who are you? i guess it makes sense that terra's #1 tyrant/musician would be the only one to understand someone so strange and alien like arturia, whom he considers both dull and interesting.

dull because there's not much arturia. not a lot of substance inside arturia, you understand. arturia is just whomever she's playing at that moment, some sort of emotional vampire who attaches herself to the next delectable meal, craving to fill that void. the moment she couldn't express her grief at her mother's funeral, realized that all the people in attendance around her were "performing" grief - like a play, as she says at one point - was her breaking point.

and so she wishes to create a world - an impossible, incomprehensible world - where everyone's emotions are all laid bare, all emotions, at all times, from the most detestable to the most praiseworthy, to her empty self. so she can finally feel and understand people. she says it will be a utopia for others, but what she wants is actually just a heaven for herself.

in that way, i guess viviana and arturia mirror each other as people who are seeking their place in society.

(i did not proofread this post and just wrote anything that came to mind so i'm not taking any responsibility for it. didn't think i'd like her but i did!)

[mintaikkcorpse]

Zestial's Death Theory

Okay I was rewatching episode 3 cuz I love that episode, and I am still SO curious about Zestial. Mostly about his death. Because seriously, WHAT IS THIS???

BUT, here is a theory I have.

Zestial speaks in Shakespearean English, so he probably died in the 1500s or 1600s. He is a bat spider thing, and I think he also has aspects of a vampire, so he probably died when it was really dark at night. I don't think he was an actual vampire when he was alive, but vampires, I think, stem from the fear of rabies, so perhaps he got rabies and died from that. I'd say the plague as a secondary option, but I don't really think that.

I think we can find clues of what he was in his design.

He seems to have the outfit of what you'd think an upperclassmen at the time would wear (from what country? Idk. I assumed it was Romania or Britain). But, his hat seems a bit torn and ratty and reminds me a bit of a scarecrow, so perhaps he was a farmer when he was alive.

Why is he in Hell? Well, being a farmer, especially one who farms animals, gives you a lot of tools you'd use to kill. I think that he was a farmer by day, and by night, he was a murderer. Pretty good one too, being sneaky and always knowing how to avoid getting caught.

But, one day, a rabid bat bit him, and he contracted rabies. We all know what rabies does to a guy, right? So, at the beginning, he ended up becoming more and more sloppy with his murders, until he slowly became more and more deranged, and as his rabies got worse, so did his aggression. Instead of his calculated murders he was so used to, he would run up to people and bite them (on the neck?), like a rabid bat or a vampire.

There are 2 ways he could've died. The first one is that he died when he succumbed to the disease, and the second one is the people killed him out of fear. Either one could work, but if I think it's the second one, I like to believe that they put a stake through his heart. But man, him dying by himself in an empty field also sounds nice.

Anyways, do y'all have any theories about his death? I love talking about him.

[amuseoffyre]

Since I put together a rather massive thread about the probable S3 final fuckeries on the dead-parrot site, I figure I'll bring it over here as well :) This is bearing in mind that the show loved using history when it was useful or funny.

Blackbeard's death was in a battle and afterwards, his head was cut off and hung from the bowsprit of the ship, then later as a warning by a harbour. Urban legend said that his headless body swam around the ship, trying to find the head. Stede, meanwhile, was executed by hanging after being captured and tried in Charles Town.

My theory is a giant faking-their-deaths fuckery and this is the collection of extensive foreshadowing in sequential order.

1x01 - He's holding his own head! That's terrifying!

The Swede's flag with a skeleton holding his own head. Given Ed's flair for the dramatic and the urban legend that BB's body swam, headless, around the ship, this feels like a very him thing to do. (also ties in with Blackbeard's flag with just the skeleton in S1)

1x01 - Stede's first fuckery

Stede using mannequins as a diversion so they can escape from the British Navy and the British Navy fall for it. Also, significantly, one of the fake heads falls off.

1x03 - Stede hanged

I facepalmed so hard when I realised that we had already seen Stede get hanged and survive it. Also, the fact that the person who intended to kill him by hanging is the one who dies first? INCHRESTING.

1x04 - "People just see the flag - I don't even have to be on the boat. I'm a ghost"

And he won't be on the boat in the end :D (@wastingyourgum reminded me of this one :D)

1x04 - "He's wearing Blackbeard's clothes. He's on Blackbeard's ship".

Combining this with Stede's fake-heads-to-escape idea, Blackbeard's official 'death' is tied up with a bow :D They just need to find a suitable person to sub in *coughHornigoldcough*

1x06 - "Over here, child!"

HOOBOY this entire episode is basically emphatically pointing at Ed's skill in the art of misdirection. Ed is an expert at fooling people into seeing what he wants them to see. The Master of the Theatre of Fear.

1x06 - The crew fuckery

Stede, the Swede and Black Pete literally holding heads that aren't theirs And once again the allusion to swapping faces/places. "Are those supposed to be the same guy?" "But with very different hairstyles, ja?"

1x06 - "I'm supposed to burn your face off and take your identity"

Stede getting another layer of "how to get away with dying/disappearing" added to his arsenal of knowledge.

1x08 - The Unicorn's head

Oh look. A mythical creature's head is removed by the English, when Ed has been compared to a demon, devil, vampire and kraken. I wonder what that could be foreshadowing 🙃

1x09 - "You've kept the clippings so we can make fake heads and escape"

When in doubt, Stede turns to arts and crafts.

1x10 - "Now that's a fuckery"

Stede has already faked his own death not once, not twice, but three times in ten minutes. Now that's overkill 😂He's done it before, he'll do it again! In Stede's town, wearing Stede's clothes.

2x01 - "He can't possibly look like this"

The S1 propaganda pics are all full/half body, but now, he's reduced down to a head with very snaky looking hair. "He can't possibly look like that" (and this ties into something from 2x04 as well)

In related things, there is one historic piece of art referring to Blackbeard like this, as a disembodied head and I feel like there's a bit of a resemblance going on.

2x02 - "There's some beheadings on here"

Okay, yes, this one is a stretch, but head removal, people. We have more head removal :D

2x03 - "I'm not me, I'm you"

Yes, I know, in the context of the Gravy Basket, but there would be some poetrical vibes if Hornigold's body was the one left in Ed's place so Ed can live a long and happy life. (And yes, fully convinced he was an S3 villain)

2x03 - "I knew they killed him"

Will fully admit I yelped a bit when I saw this scene in higher res than a stream because with the drape of cloth over his head matching the colour of the surroundings, it's gives the illusion of a headless body.

2x04 - "He can't hear you. He's got no head"

Again, the symbolism of the mythical creature without a head. Especially when we see Izzy yelling at it as if its Blackbeard, his own personal figurehead.

2x04 - "Pulls his entire fucking face off. Turns out this one had stolen the face off some Brit and come to my rescue"

Of all the specialist skills for someone in Ed's old crew to have, disguising themselves with someone else's face? :D (That's romance ;))

2x04 - The Head of Medusa

Buttons' transmogrification bowl is under a painting of The head of Medusa (Caravaggio). In the story of Perseus, he used Medusa's severed head to defeat a terrible sea monster (hello, kraken :D) and a King.

And I mentioned earlier Ed's wanted poster had a connection to this episode and look at these images side by side:

Coincidence??? I THINK NOT XD

[angrybubbles]

It's interesting to me that one of the adaptional changes has such impactful effects on the characters.

In the book, Armand asks Louis if he needs anything from him. Louis, having no context of what is being asked, says "no," so Armand (literally) walks away.

In the show, though, we have an emotionally charged situation between the two, but we still have that same intent of a question. "Do you have need of me?" Armand would have stuck around until Louis was healed, and then he would have left. He says so. But Louis makes the choice to say "yes, I still have need of you."

So why the change? Probably because of the factors at play in San Francisco. Louis just suffered a suicide attempt, Armand is furious at him (for many reasons, some fair some not), but Daniel is the lynch pin. If Daniel dies, Armand will leave. But Daniel lives because Louis wants him to. And he uses that as a "symbol of our companionship."

I know fans spin a lot of what happened in that episode as Armand manipulating Louis into staying with him, but I'm going to push back on that. I don't think that was Armand's intent at all. Armand is "punishing" Louis for not making a choice and being honest with him; for putting himself at risk, as well as their vampirism. Don't get me wrong, it's NOT "right", and Armand was torturing both Louis and Daniel in Divisidero, but Armand reached his tipping point. "Do you even want me here? Or would you rather kill yourself than continue living with me?"

Keep in mind this is a gothic horror show. Judging characters on right and wrong actions is not an endeavor that will be rewarding in the long run. You'll get more from the story by judging based on intention.

So then comes Louis, who is crazed from pain, possibly coming down from drugs (do you think vampires suffer withdrawal symptoms? Hmmmm), and recovering from the emotional backlash of the suicide attempt. He's scrambling, as he often has been, for some level of stability. And what here is stable? Armand (ha), who has stuck with him for the past 20 years. But would Armand trust an empty gesture, after everything that has happened? No, so he has to make a powerplay, and that ends up being Daniel.

It's twisted, and definitely sets the scene for what will become the future of their relationship. Armand, using the weight of the suicide attempt to leverage control over Louis and his mental health (partially out of concern, partially out of the need for stability). And Louis, who has been struck by how much his past has impacted his actions, and is now in doubt over his control. He does, at this point, have need of Armand (or at least, is too scared of a reality that doesn't have someone to look out for him), so he chooses him again. But instead of spite, it's out of desperation.

And they can both check in on Daniel in order to get the reminder of their choices, and why Daniel being the one to finally cut that thread between the two is so narratively satisfying. He's been the fulcrum of the relationship this entire time, and now he uses that gravity to reveal the other cards both Louis and Armand have been hiding from each other (Armand more than Louis, of course).

It also proves that they don't have need of each other anymore. Louis can find relief in his grief with someone he never knew shared it, and Armand can find a new rhythm that isn't dependent on duty and performed remorse.

Which is why Armand erasing the events from Louis' mind? Diabolical. He's erasing the "why" they are still together, and reaping the benefits.

[nightcolorz]

thoughts on the presence of marius’ painting in dubai in the show? ive been thinking about this since episode 7 aired because louis threw a bowl of blood at a painting in one scene which wasn’t marius’, yet made me think it should have been. but its interesting that its there at all? of course they’re art collectors and dealers in 2022 but god. i feel like the painting might end up being a chekov’s gun. it cant be there for nothing, right?

(also the scene of “rashid” armand in s1 telling daniel about it keeps coming back. how did he FEEL about that especially if daniel is indeed someone he loves and has loved for years)

AHHH OMG!!! LOVE THIS QUESTION!! I’ve been thinking about this constantly since s1, which believe it or not spurned some theories about Armand’s relationship with Louis that ended up being surprisingly accurate 😭. I can’t tell u how many times I rewatched the Rashid-mand tells Daniel about marius’s painting scene before s2 aired (definitely more than any other scene in the first season 💀💀). Ughhh!! omg!! U r so right 😭😭 the painting Louis threw the blood at should have been Marius’s. The thematic implications!!! The impact!! The way Armand would feel!! It’s making me crazy thinking about it

I speculate that Armand is trying to seek out and reclaim as many of Marius’s painting as possible. I imagine that Armand acquired the painting in the dining room by searching intently for any paintings of Marius’s that survived the fire. Part of him likely feels entitled to them. Legally he’s just Marius’s slave, but the way he sees it it’s so much deeper than that. Marius is his father, his husband. He should be given his possessions, his works of art, after he’s died. And I think the fact that Armand, by both historical records, and by anyone he knows, will always be viewed as Marius’s slave, his victim, before he is Marius’s closest loved one, feels disempowering and invalidating. Technically, if they weren’t vampires and legal consideration was given to who Marius’s possessions should be given to after his death, as a slave Armand likely wouldn’t be considered. But, Armand believes that because of the role Marius had in his life, he is rightfully owed that inheritance. And the symbolic value of that fact is important to him.

I think sometimes the show fandom doesn’t realize how attached to Marius Armand actually is 😭. If they’re going by the books, Armand is longing for Marius and for Venice. Marius is the love of his life the same way Lestat is the love of Louis’s life (maybe even more so considering he’s not just his lover but his father 😭 Marius played every major role in Armand’s life, he was his father, his lover, his maker and his god). Armand is stuck on him, he is always longing for him, never able to move on. So I think for Armand owning paintings of Marius’s is partly an assertion and a reclamation of the way he perceives his relationship with him. By owning them and displaying them on his wall, not only is he allowing himself to live with a comforting reminder of Venice (which I’ll get to), but hes also asserting that Marius loved him, and he was important to Marius, and he deserves to and is entitled to owning his paintings after Marius has died because he is the person who these things should go to, he is displaying that he is the most important person to Marius, that he is the person who would be in his will.

on the Venice note, Armand is also indulging in a small little fantasy by putting Marius’s paintings on his wall. He lived with those paintings, his father likely painted them while he was in the room. He saw them in the halls in the palazzo, maybe even in his lavish old dining room. In the books Venice was and continues to be Armand’s perceived “best part of his life”. Venice was his childhood, the only time in his life he remembers being taken care of, well fed, spoiled, loved. And from our perspective it was horrible, he was being sexually abused and beaten regularly, literally pimped out and enslaved. But think about how Armand told his story to Louis, he was smiling wistfully, longing despite it all. And I think even in Dubai Armand misses Venice, feels comforted by the memory of it. So it makes sense that he would hang Marius’s painting on the wall, as a small comfort, so that maybe sometimes he can stare at it and picture he is back there, in his master’s studio, basking in the sunlight, loved.

The scene where Armand as Rashid shows the painting to Daniel is so so loaded. Daniel initiates the conversation, but Armand definitely indulges in it more than he needs to. That scene is the first time we rlly see Armand using his Rashid persona to tap into his past. He says, “I serve a God, it’s my honor to serve” which is fucking weird 😭 and no one but Armand would say that (real rashid wouldn’t💀 he definitely sees the vampires in a way that is more grounded and empathy based then god like). He’s clearly tapping into how he felt as Amadeo, a servant to Marius, rather than playing his part. It seems like Daniels interest in the painting and him talking about + bringing attention to it brought Armand back to that Venice mindset in a way. Even with this, he’s definitely pushing Daniel away, trying to change the topic as quickly as possible while remaining in character. Which makes me think that Armand wasn’t happy at the prospect of being so vulnerable with Daniel so soon. The impression I get (especially from season one) is that despite his past and current love for him, Armand sees a different person in old Daniel, and is very hesitant to open himself up to him. Considering how different (and mean) he is, and how painful and loaded their past was, it’s a very hard thing for Armand to approach, and it doesn’t seem currently on his agenda.

What I rlly am curious about is how Louis feels about Armand keeping Marius’s paintings in their home, displaying them on their wall. I imagine it would be uncomfortable for him, if not upsetting, in a similar way to how Armand feels about the presence of ghost Lestat, if not more complicated with the layer of how extremely abusive Marius was. But how can Louis judge? Who is he to give push back on smth like this when he is still actively hallucinating his dead, abusive ex husband 😭🙏there’s a lot going on there.

I rlly hope this painting thing gets explored in depth bcus omg I can not stop thinking about it either. Thank u SO MUCH for the ask I love this topic so much omg!!! Hope my response scratches the painting itch in ur brain<3

[bloodycyrano]

K, so I'm in a depressive episode, and I'm craving chocolate. Nobody probably cares, but here's what type of chocolate members of Team Tadpole prefer and how I think they'd react to receiving it as a gift! This is purely headcannons, and I haven't been able to play the game in a few months, so if I get something wrong, don't be mad at me, lol.

Shadowheart: She absolutely adores dark chocolate, and she's absolutely one of those pretentious fuckers who hate milk chocolate, and take anything other than 90-100% cacao as an insult on their fucking bloodline. She does think that she's better than you for liking Dark chocolate- This does not change if she gets her 'good' ending.

If you bring her her favorite type of chocolate, she will not only be impressed but grateful. I feel like she probably has chronic migraines or something and would enjoy sharing it with you some late night with a bottle of wine and a charcuterie board. Probably making flower crowns or feeding animals in a meadow, basic cottagecore lesbian romance stuff. I could be wrong, I've never romanced Shadowheart, but it's just a gut feeling.

Karlach: Karlach likes milk chocolate best, and doesn't see the point in putting up with something bitter just because some people think it's 'better'. More than anything, it reminds her of her mums baking, back when she was a kid. Chocolate is expensive and hard to get your hands on, but by god when the holidays came around or her birthday, I feel like her mum would've baked her the best cookies or chocolate chip muffins after working extra hard to afford it.

Karlach would love whatever type of chocolate you gave her, but I think especially if you brought her hot chocolate or chocolate chip cookies/Muffins/etc, she might even tear up a little. After all, she hasn't had something like that since her mom died.

Wyll: Wyll is a proud enjoyer of chocolate in general, but actually seems to favor white chocolate and dark chocolate the best. He likes to enjoy the contrast in flavors.

I feel like Wyll would just be grateful to be given chocolates, and wouldn't care much what form they came in. He'd probably invite you to enjoy them alongside him, and simply spend time with one another. I do believe he loves dark hot chocolate with whipped cream, and would probably try to set up a day to go to his favorite cafe in baldurs gate for hot chocolate, to return the favor. It's a treat for him, too, since he hasn't been there since his father cast him out. It'll bring a wave of nostalgia, and maybe some unkind memories.. But he will feel happy to be there. Especially to be there with you. And maybe, it'll become a much more common thing.

Astarion: I feel like he prefers dark chocolate, if he's able to eat it at all (I don't remember how vampires work in DnD.)..

If he can't eat it, I feel like he'd miss it.. the simple things. Pleasures like imported chocolates. He might go on a monologue about things he enjoyed as a Mortal that he no longer can.-.. If he can, however, eat chocolate.. I think he'd be surprised. Surprised you thought of him, surprised you spent the money, surprised you wanted to give him anything at all. I think he'd be very happy, but he probably wouldn't want to show it. He'd brush it off with a sarcastic comment or something, yet still taking the mental note that if nobody else cared, at least you did.

Gale: Gale is the most pretentious motherfucker there is, are you kidding me? I think he, himself, loves milk chocolate and it's a major guilty pleasure, but he tells everyone it's dark chocolate. He doesn't shame anyone for their preference, but there comes an air of arrogance whenever he says he likes dark chocolate.

He will definitely be grateful no matter what type you give him, but if you give him milk chocolate and tell him you know it's his favorite? He might try to deny it at first, but his heart is beating a mile a fucking minute knowing that you've been observant enough to bring him his actual favorite type without making a big deal about it, or calling him a liar.

Lae’zel: Has never had chocolate before, and doesn't know why you're giving it to her. She does, however, adore white chocolate after you get her to try some. You'd assume she'd prefer dark, but she doesn't. She believes that if you're going to have a sweet, or a desert, it shouldn't be bitter because that defeats the purpose.

After you get her to try it the first time, she'll insist she doesn't like it or see the reason for it, but at any party or gathering or anything where there's chocolate? She's sampling the fuck out of that snack table, and hovering over the bowl of sweets like a dragon guarding a hoard of treasure. She actually really likes fancy chocolates and truffles. If you bring them to her while in an established relationship, she won't act very different, but she's very happy and feels very loved.

I might do Halsin, Jaheira, Minsc, and Minthara later. Idk.

[michanvalentine]

Okay, I'm so happy and excited, I HAVE to share!

I got the chance to continue the glorious adventures of the great mama K much earlier than expected, and we’ve finally reached a turning point in the conquest of former magistrate Astarion Ancunin.

Let it be known, Your Honor, that the defendant is now practically legally married to witness Karlach Cliffgate! 🎉

So, the bear rescue mission was a success, we cheerfully slaughtered a couple of annoying goblin kids (we are the heroes, right?), and we got a full body scan from Halsin, who immediately pinpointed the root of all our troubles: the tadpole genetically modified in the Moonrise Towers! Gosh!

Despite Astarion’s reluctance (yes, disapprove all you want, you’re still stuck playing the hero), we agreed to take out the remaining goblin leaders. Rest in peace, Priestess Gut, who died in the last episode without even getting the chance to say hello.

So, we went to visit the most badass drow in the realms, just as her goblin underlings were about to push her into a full-on nervous breakdown. Naturally, we angered her beyond belief and knocked her out. See you later, dear Minthy! I shall come to your rescue like a princely knight on a white horse, saving you first from Ketheric’s wrath and later from the bitter memories of Orin. Lol.

With that settled, we turned our attention to Dror Ragzlin, who was dancing on the cube with his followers cheering him on. Sorry, dance class is over! No time for pleasantries when you’re on your fourth playthrough and have a family to manage in real life—so, much to Wyll’s absolute delight, we axed him before he could even say hello too. (And no, whispering in my mind won’t change a thing—I’m not touching those disgusting tadpoles, let alone sticking them in my brain! So, Balduran, kindly shut your trap!)

At this point, having recovered another piece of infernal metal, I returned to the grove to talk to Dammon and see if I could upgrade Karlach’s heart. Alas, the man is lazy and doesn’t even give me the option. We’ll talk about it in Act 2, sorry Mama K. On the other hand, Papa Halsin gave Kagha a good scolding. Ha! Serves you right, snake! That'll teach you not to mistreat tiefling children. Don't you know? Here, we only kill goblin children!!! Get with the program!

On the bright side, the celebrations for our heroic deeds begin. The tieflings are all cheerful, and at long last, the Innocent One™, aka the Icicle™, aka the Chastity-Belted Vampire Spawn™, finally decides that yes, he can grant me the honor of a night of passion.

This scandalizes the two queens of the henhouse (Lae'zel and Shadowheart), who huff and pout, reminding me of what I’ve missed by rejecting them in favor of him. Okay, ladies, I get it—you’re both fantastic options! But this is a very specific crusade, have some patience and let me indulge in my Hellspawn obsession, just this once!

Meanwhile, the boys are in a pensive and melancholic mood. Wyll has every right to feel this way, considering he’s now a devil at a tiefling party, surrounded by people who just escaped the devils of Avernus. Darling, I would’ve danced with you. Just the two of us, on the beach, in your little dark corner. <3

Gale, on the other hand, is still trying to recover from the shock after I called Tara a cat. Look, Gale, I get it—Tressyms are a whole different breed. But don’t blame me for the limited dialogue options! If you have an issue, file a complaint with Larian!

In any case, our favorite Waterdeep wizard survived the conversation mostly unscathed.

And so, it finally happens. I go to sleep and, as Karlach, I meet the fanged one, waiting for me in the forest, script in hand, rehearsing his lines.

But something in the performance goes wrong, and the charming seducer drops his mask somewhere along the way, revealing his true, bad gremlin form!

And here I need to regain some seriousness and talk about this properly.

The premise is that I’m playing from Karlach’s perspective without spoilers, so everything is new to me. I didn’t know how the scene would change, given that Karlach is untouchable, but I definitely wasn’t expecting this. I swear, I would have slapped him, because he absolutely deserved it. With Karlach, he acts like a real asshole, fuck. And after the slaps, I should have just left him there alone, but since I know him well and I know his actions always have an underlying meaning, I decided to see it through.

"What’s really happening here, Astarion? You’ve suddenly turned cruel." That’s one of the dialogue options. His response is, of course, sarcastic—he’s dodging the question. He insists that he’s cruel, he needs to emphasize it, because otherwise, he’d be exposed, so he says: "Suddenly? You haven’t been paying attention. What did you expect?" Sure, sweetheart, sure. You’re so evil. But guess what? You still haven’t answered me!

At that moment, Astarion is panicking because he literally doesn’t know what to do. He says it repeatedly—he has no idea how to handle the situation without physically engaging with the other person, and that completely short-circuits him. It makes him feel inadequate, stripped of his weapons. Because let’s remember—for Astarion, everything is about power and control. When he’s seducing someone, he holds the knife by the handle, even if only for a brief moment. But deep down, Astarion is terrified of everything and everyone. He uses whatever tools he has to protect himself, but the moment his seduction is off the table, he feels completely exposed, vulnerable. So much so that his instinct is to strike first—he shifts the blame onto her, belittles her (you bastard, I love you to death, but I also love my mama K).

He calls her boring, frigid—which, for Karlach, is an especially low blow, given that she’s a passionate woman who loves physical touch, who loves sex. Both of which have been taken away from her against her will. But the issue runs even deeper, because by attacking her, Astarion is also attacking himself, as if Karlach is a mirror reflecting a clear, unbearable image of him, stripped of the only skills he’s relied on.

Karlach isn’t frigid at all—in fact, he’s the one who’s frigid. Because for who knows how long, despite being forced to have sex with countless people, he hasn’t felt anything. Nothing at all. Completely dissociated from his own intimacy. And he envies this untouchable tiefling so much (there were moments I would have been thrilled if everyone who laid hands on me had burst into flames). So who exactly is he insulting, our little Star?

No, my love, this time things can’t be resolved with the usual script. You can’t just turn off your brain, let your body go, and poof, it’s the next morning. No, this time you have to actually engage with the other person, with everything that entails. And that terrifies you.

And honestly? I think it did him good to spend the night just talking with Karlach. To realize that there’s more to life than just his usual patterns. That someone is willing to spend time with him without expecting anything physical, just talking. And it’s beautiful to hear him say that, in the end, he actually liked the experience (and that, of course, he apologized to her, the scoundrel, sgrunt!).

This was such an unexpected and wonderful thing to find in Karlach’s origin run. My obsession with this ship has only grown stronger! <3

Alright, after this serious moment, back to rambling nonsense. Yay!

So, Karlach, care to explain to me how, when, and why exactly you ended up undressing during a night spent just talking if you guys didn’t do anything else? Were you hot? And why don’t your clothes spontaneously catch fire every single day since you’re literally incandescent? Are they fireproof? Woven directly in Avernus from devil fur threads? WHAT?! I need answers!

But the best part of all this is still Lae’zel, who thought drowning her sorrows over being rejected was best done in Wyll’s arms… who, of course, instead of indulging the Githyanki’s burning desires, just wanted to talk. Lol.

So the next morning, Astarion and Lae’zel can totally high-five—they’re officially late-night conversation buddies now! xD

[vampirebrainrot]

LESTAT LIONCOURT??? STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING LESTAT LIONCOURT GOD DAMN FOOL BLOOD DRINKING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING LESTAT LIONCOURTSTOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT LESTAT LIONCOURT I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DID HE TURN ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN ON THE SCREEN NEVER SEEN THIS MAN NAKED AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SAMLLEST DICK GET AWAY FROM MEif i wanted to get into heaven and god said Lestat Lioncourt's waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back downif i have to deal with Lestat Lioncourt speaking one word in person on voice in an episode again not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alivei dont even know why i hate him so much but i am just mad because i am angyhe better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of gay fanfiction and wanted the irl version ill go hamBETTER have had his sire make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make himpaypal.com/IFuckingHateLestatLioncourtScene is not even about him. vaguely showed what is supposed to maybe be his back and I lost itwhere the fuck is Lestat Lioncourt if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasntcrusty old bitchill punch Lestat and his sad frail old vampire twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final book he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddishim not breathing im hyperventilating at this pointi hope theres a date given for when Lestat died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phoneeveryday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who did so many fucked up if true things

[wincestwhispers]

happy wincest wednesday!! if the omegaverse is real what is one (or two or ten up to you) canon moment in spn that you think that would be far far superior for it? and of course, what is one (or two etc.) that would be far angstier for it? <3

You have opened a can of worms my friend, I can discuss the omegaverse in Spn all day long. Tysm for the ask!! Let me establish my opinions on their dynamics first: Dean is an omega but tries his best to present as beta/alpha. Suppresses his instincts and all. Sam is an alpha, as was John. Okay here we go

My absolute favorite time to think about in canon if it were omegaverse is the Purgatory/Benny season. I have so many thoughts going into this so I’ll try to break it down 1) I think Dean was put on suppressants as soon as he presented which is not only bad for his physiology but mental state as well. It’s stressful on any person in the omegaverse to suppress their instincts and needs so severely. Not that Dean thinks so. Personally I love the idea that the first time Dean went off suppressants was when he was raised from Hell and given a factory reset. This lead to an almost immediate and intense cycle he shared with Sam that they never discussed because everything with the demon blood and Ruby happened right after. After that cycle he went on suppressants just like before (Sam hates it). So when Dean gets thrown in Purgatory he suddenly has zero access to his suppressants AND is constantly fighting for his life. See where i’m going with this?

2) Benny can be an alpha or beta I can see both, but for the purpose of drama I’ll make him an alpha. So when he teams up with Dean, who is practically a beacon in Purgatory as the only Human and a strongly scented Omega, things get a little messy. I think their first priority was practically drenching Dean in dirt and monster guts to mask his natural scent. They didn’t talk about Dean be an omega outside of that initial issue, but Benny would do things to try and make Dean more comfortable. Partly intentional and partly instinctual because Dean would remind him of his late Andrea. It’d be hard for them not to bond or for Benny not to develop a protectiveness over Dean. And Dean felt comfortable with Benny because he reminded him of Sam sometimes and he wouldn’t bring up any of the shit Dean didn’t wanna talk about. One thing led to another and they fucked (but not mated) before they found Castiel and focused on getting out of there.

3) They were both clear that they weren’t gonna be a thing before they left, kind of a “what happens in Purgatory stays in Purgatory” situation, but when Dean returns Sam can immediately smell Benny all over him and *hates* this strange vampire stinking up *his* brother. Then there’s all the drama and angst because without Dean, Sam felt truly lost and shacked up with Amelia to try and at least distract himself from the gaping hole in his soul. As soon as he gets Dean back that’s all that matters to him anymore, but he’s defensive because when he learns Dean was in Purgatory, he feels like he failed and betrayed him. Meanwhile Dean is extra harsh with Sam because he’s projecting his own feelings of guilt over Benny. It takes them a while to work all that out.

Other moments: I think Jess scented very similar to Dean (not that Sam really knew that) so when Dean met Jess in the first episode he was.. shocked, to say the least. But then Jess died Dean felt guilty for all his jealously and other feelings. Years later he still believes Sam wouldn’t have gotten with him if Jess were still alive (he’s wrong).

The bunker!! In canon Dean started nesting as soon as he felt it was safe but in this verse he would actually nest. Every morning Sam would wake up to find his clothes from the previous day missing from his bag because Dean stole them for his secret nest. Dean’s nest is in the biggest room he could find and he spends weeks perfecting it for him and Sam. He’s internally very proud of it when he’s done.

We already know teen Sam was a piece of work but teen newly presented alpha Sam?? Lord help Dean. He would be at John’s throat even more, his protectiveness over Dean would go haywire, and he definitely got way too possessive. As in, Dean would come home from a one night stand and Sam would be pissed, Dean would usually get an interrogation or degradation but over the next day or two Sam would oh so casually try and scent Dean to restake his totally innocent claim on him. Overall, teen Sam was angsty, I think teen alpha Sam would be aggressive.

(Don’t think about John being Dean’s alpha no matter how badly he treated him because when John died he would have had the most intense and conflicted emotions about it)

[beevean]

Hello, I haven't actually watched any netflixvania show myself (thinking about it), but since you're really critical of it, I want to ask you your thoughts on something.

I'm really into vampire stuff lately, and I was wondering if the show had any interesting themes involving its vampires.

Like I definitely know they're a stand-in for evil high society leeches using humanity/the unwashed masses as cattle. But beyond that, are there any characters struggling with their vampirism/loss of humanity and getting worse/better as people? Or is there any theme of trauma/assault where turning is a loss of innocence? Stuff like that is always very interesting.

Thanks for answering if you do!

Hello! 😄

Well, funnily enough, I recently wrote a post exactly detailing how shallow, poorly detailed, and thematically lacking the vampires in NFCV are:

In short, the show treats vampires like some sort of advanced elves who thrive on needless violence but are still culturally and technologically superior, all while subtly but constantly placing them on a pedestal compared to the humans, who receive far less attention and sympathy (e.g. Dracula's decision to destroy the entirety of mankind and lead vampirekind to starvation because Wife Died is understandable because it's just "the world's longest suicide note", while the peasants he's slaughtering are just mindless, mean, goat-fucking masses who lowkey deserved what they got for believing in the CHURCH BAD's lies). Season 4 half-heartedly attempts to dismantle this idealized vision by giving the species some flaws, like being prone to succumbing to their own thirst for power and expansion, but it's too little, too late.

One of the many reasons I'm so fixated on Lenore is that she could have been such a good self-loathing vampire, with the idea that she insists on using "pacifism" in a culture that thrives on brutal conquest but is still, on a personal level, a self-centered abuser who has no empathy for her human boyfriend/slave. A vampire who mimics humanity on a superficial level, like putting on makeup to look alive, while still acting like she's superior than them. But the show does next to nothing with this, as she becomes just fetish fuel (and not even in a hot vampire way, man) and her internal conflict is simply not displayed until the very last episode, to the point that many people didn't even understand the source of her angst.

And funny that you mention trauma, because it reminds me of one of the defenses people bring towards the "betrayal of trust through rape by deception" scenes in S3E9: showing us at the same time Lenore (a vampire) assaulting Hector (a human), and Sumi and Taka (two humans) assaulting Alucard (a dhampir), is apparently meant to convey how no "species" is better than the other, vampires are not inherently more evil, and everyone can be a bastard. Then again, considering the two humans get then gruesomely killed and their corpses desecrated while the vampire is then shown as a good person deep down to the point that her victim falls in love with her without any struggle that might come from such a deeply violating experience, that should tell you everything about the moral stance of the story.

If you have ever read the Twilight series, the show has more or less the same relationship with vampires as those books do. I compare the two often, both in terms of lackluster worldbuilding and sheer moral dissonance where the human-murdering monsters are portrayed as admirable and cool over their victims. The only thing missing is the human begging to be turned because they want to become the superior species lol

Basically NFCV, while starting more as a story about one human having to rise against a vampire's madness and the CHURCH BAD's oppression, eventually degenerates into "look how cool our vampires are, and look how stupid these humans are, stupid people deserve to be punished, and please feel bad for our murderers and rapists because they are Sad". If you're looking for a story about vampirism, you're not going to find it here.

However! For how much I dislike Nocturne as a story, it does do more interesting things with vampires. For example, one of the main characters is turned on-screen, and we see their painful adjustment to their new nature, and how they struggle with thirst and their new body. Or, in a broader sense, vampirism is a much more obvious metaphor for nobility, colonization and slavery (which is... insensitive in my opinion, but there you have it). There is even a Native American vampire who says at one point that he was turned by a conquistador, equating vampirism with the illnesses that killed so many natives. So that show has more of what you're looking for! And you don't need to watch the previous series to understand it.

[kazperthegh0st]

RaTing TMA season 1 episodes

001: Angler Fish, the cigarette and disappearance one. Not very memorable. 5/10

002: Do Not Open, the will power this one man contains is greater than God, i swear. I probably would have opened that coffin tbh. 10/10

003: Across the Street, to be Grahm or Not to be Grahm, that is the question. Eating paper is not really my thing but you do you. 8/10

004: Page Turner, kinda boring to me but it introduces important people. 4/10

005: Thrown Away, it reminds me of that one short FNAF story where the girl finds her real body cut up in garbage bags. I liked this episode. 9/10

006: Squirm, I have no memory of this episode. 2/10

007: The Piper, All i remember is rats, a dead dude in a dumb ditch, and The Great War. It was a good read tho. 4/10

008: Burned Out, There was a Spooky Tree, an apple, and a box ( i think it had a necklace in it??). There is also the religious dude— i think hes also the jesuit dude that killed two people in a later episode but i could be wrong. 5/10

009: A Fathers Love, this one was so sad to me ngl. I have two questions: What happened to the mother (i know she died but theres gotta be more)? and also whats the necklace all about ( i might be crazy but wasn’t it in the box in burned out?)? I do think the dad is somehow innocent, like he was possessed or smth. 10/10

010: Vampire Killer, this was a cool, fun episode and I enjoyed the different approach to Vampires. 9/10

011: Dreamer, We hear some new stuff about what happened to Jon’s predecessor, outside of that its an ok episode. Elias is mentioned. 5/10

012: First Aid, don’t remember this episode at all but i looked at the episode tag on here and Gerry is in it so on principle it gets a 5/10

013: Alone, my mind is so blank about this episode. Jon was nice tho. 2/10

014: Piecemeal, i don’t remember it well but Tumblr tells me it was good. 5/10

015: Lost Johns’ Cave, this reminded me of those tiktok videos about idiots who get stuck in caves. But at the same time this episode was deeply unsettling and sad. 10/10

016: Arachnophobia, proof that spiders do not die no matter what you do. Lazy ass cat ( Major Tom, great name, unintended David Bowie reference ) 8/10

***All previous thoughts were made well after the episodes were read so i could be wrong or forgetful regarding some details.***Future thoughts will be made immediately after, or the same day as reading the episodes.***

017: The Boneturners Tale, more of the weird books. I think there was arson in this episode (?) 5/10

018: The Man Upstairs, This one was absolutely disgusting (in a good way?!?!) it made me want to throw up but at the same time was sooo cool. 8/10

019: Confession and 020: Desecrated Host, putting these two together. Why is there such a strong theme of cannibalism and removal of body parts in this podcast? It was really interesting and well written. 8/10

021: Freefall, not that interesting to me ngl. It wasnt bad tho 5/10

022: Colony, MARTIN!!! A real character! He is a sweet innocent baby who can do no wrong. The episode itself was super unsettling. Who is the woman again tho?

023: Schwartzwald, this was boring, sorry. I know i should have found it more interesting cause its a letter for Jonah Magnus but it just wasn’t appealing to me. 2/10

024: Strange Music, I love the aesthetic of Pipe Organs, always have. (Why is it now in the institute?!?!) the creepy dolls and the circus clowns were cool. I love that the movers came back again, kinda odd but thats expected. 10/10

025: Growing Dark, not too memorable but there is now another missing person. (Yay). 4/10

026: A Distortion, SASHA!!! Another Real Character! Nothing had better happen to Jon or Martin or else. I love them too much. Micheal seems interesting too. 8/10

027: A Sturdy Lock, the first episode I listened to while reading the transcript. Is there or is there not a lock on that door? Bro should invest in a pet tho. Average episode but still good. 7/10

028: Skin Tight, wasn’t Cambridge Military Hospital in another episode? Also who is the archivist? The voice ( im listening and reading ) is different from Jon’s and is not female so not Gertrude. Sarah Baldwin is also a familiar name. Skin peeling. Lovely. (Sarcasm) 10/10

029: Cheating Death, reminds me of 007. I think its neat that the person making the statement had the Institute write it for him. This was a cool story. I like how much of it was a folktale and then it took a turn. 10/10

030: The killing floor, oh the delights of the meat industry. What was up with Tom Haan tho? Why did he kill himself? Why is there a living meat pile?!?! 10/10

Shortly after listening to that episode i made steak. While making steak i listened to the next two.

031: First Hunt, I kept thinking of that “Run Rabbit” song. Im glad humans dont have natural predators. But as an American (unfortunately) as soon as I heard where this was and the guy made note of the whistling… I knew he was screwed. Jon is so dissmissive tho. First episode where i only listened to it. 10/10

I have no idea why the previous story made me decide to cook steak.

032: Hive, this wasn’t much of a real statement but proof that Jane is crazy. It was just “insects do be buzzing” the noises in the background were upsetting. (Listened only while cooking a steak) 10/10

033: Boatswain’s Call, We meet Peter Lukas ( who may or may not be Elias’s Husband? I saw it in a Tiktok ) and I think it was slightly unsettling how they all loaded into the lifeboat. Did they vote the dude out or something? (Read and listened) 8/10

034: Anatomy Class, body snatchers named John/Jane Doe traumatize a professor. I love how they’re all trying to pump their hearts to figure out how they’re supposed to beat. Im a big fan of anatomical sciences. (Read only) 10/10

035: Old Passages, It’s Gerry on the hunt for Leitners books! Another dead person and some secret passages. What happened to Jon. Why did the Delivery Duo Dudes show up with a package for him??? (Read only) 10/10

036: Taken Ill, the episode itself was boring to me but the end was interesting. Why is there a lighter, that i assume has connections to The Web? What does Elias want with it? (Read only) 7/10

037: Burnt Offering, boring. Sorry. Could the wicca and voodoo stuff in the woods be related to Jane? (Read only) 5/10

038: Lost and Found, This was Sad. Important things go missing, more so they cease to exist, until eventually its the Husband. Jons fear of spiders returns. And now for the end of Season 1. (Read only) 10/10

039: Infestation, I did find it funny when Jon called himself an idiot. Martin just needs to let my boy Jon be in (SEVERE) denial. Jon is being watched (the eye!) Tim is so excited that he almost died. Its odd. Oooh its Not Sasha! “Archivist.” “Shit.” (I listened to it and then read the transcript) 9/10

040: Human Remains, what did Not Sasha do with the tape… I do know what happened to Gertrude so Elias acting the way he does in this scene is funny. (I listened to it then read the transcript) 9/10

Really good podcast. I liked it.

— are the secret passages from 038 connected in anyway to the tunnels around the archives?

— what was it that got sasha in the end and is real sasha dead?

— does gerard start to pop up more often? As an actual cast member?

— what was Jane looking for in the written files?

[coraniaid]

Top five btvs headcannons?

Hmm. Lots of options to choose from, but let's go with:

Of all the deaths we see on the show that the characters are weirdly blase about and never talk about again (which is most of them) the one I feel should matter most is Kendra's. The writers very obviously don't care about Kendra at all (in a way that makes me pretty angry if I think about it for long) but, at the same, the only way I can reconcile my idea of Who Buffy Is As A Person with the events of the post-Becoming seasons is to try to persuade myself that Buffy is thinking about Kendra a lot of the time, and that this meaningfully affects her relationship with Faith in Season 3 (and, for that matter, with Dawn in Season 5 and the Potentials in Season 7 too). Because, yes, Faith represents a lot of Buffy's own supressed thoughts and desires, and yes, there are lots of parallels in Season 3 between Faith and Angel. But the very fact Faith exists as a Slayer at all should be enough to remind Buffy of the Slayer who was called after her and died before her. How could that not bleed into her relationship with Faith as a person? How can Buffy not look at Faith and be constantly thinking of the Slayer she failed to save? (According to the show's writers, the answer is: very, very easily.[1])

Sort of a meta-headcanon (a headcanon schema?), but: as far as possible, I like to believe that the Buffy characters who are meant to be friends might actually talk to each other sometimes. And when we don't see various personal conflicts get resolved on screen, yet everything seems back to normal later (especially between seasons), I tend to assume they just talked things through a bit off-camera. Probably Buffy and Xander had a conversation after Dead Man's Party which involved him offering a grovelling apology, which is why they're still on speaking terms later that season. Probably Joyce and Buffy actually talked a bit about her being the Slayer before Faith, Hope & Trick, so that Joyce's claim to have "tried to march in the Slayer Pride Parade isn't as absurd as it seems to be on the face of it". Probably Giles and Buffy talked about the Cruciamentum a bit after Helpless, which is why she's forgiven him by the time the next episode starts and she never brings his role up in it again. In particular, this is why I kind of hate the reveal in Season 7's Selfless that Xander never admitted to his Lie in Becoming, and that Buffy just spent the last five years thinking Willow decided to try to cast the spell to restore Angel's soul again without asking Buffy's permission or giving her any warning she was about to try it beyond "kick his ass".

There really isn't any evidence for it in canon and I suspect it's ultimately purely the invention of one of the early 2000s Fuffy writers, but I really like the popular fanfiction conceit that there is some sort of mystical connection between Slayers which (in a way that varies a little depending on the writer) gives them some additional awareness of the other Slayer's presence or emotional state. Not just because I'm enough of a sap to think that that's kind of romantic (although I am and I do), but because it's a nice way to explain away some slightly contrived bits of plotting in the show (all three Slayers have a way of finding each other very quickly when the plot requires it). In the same spirit, though with perhaps a little more evidence in canon, I like the idea that Buffy and Faith's shared dreams don't just happen when we see them, but have basically been going on ever since Faith arrived in Sunnydale (or at least since Faith's coma). Also, relatedly, I still like this headcanon I posted last month.

Sort of an anti-headcanon in some ways, but I refuse to accept that Buffy's memory of trying to tell her parents about vampires back in LA -- and being briefly institutionalized as a result -- (which was revealed/retconned in Season 6's Normal Again) is real. I think that (whatever the show claims) it had to have been a false memory implanted by the same demon that was giving her visions of still being there. Say what you like about whether or not the Joyce we see on the show was a good parent, but this is just blatant character assassination of the worst sort. It completely changes how we have to see Buffy's relationship with her mother and makes several scenes and outright plot points absurd (even if Joyce is the sort of monster who could forget about having her doctor locked up, even after learning that actually Buffy was always telling the truth, why would a Buffy who had been through that still keep a diary in the house she shares with her mother where she talked about the supernatural or prominently put up crucifixes in her house or make jokes about 'saving the world from vampires' when her mother asked her what she was thinking? why would she care about her mother's opinion of her at all? why would she wait until Season 2 to run away from home, and why would she ever come back?). Taken seriously, this just totally undermines a major part of Buffy's character and one of the most important relationships in her life. And for what? A stupid "maybe this is all a dream?" ending to the episode that means nothing and never goes anywhere. No, fuck that. Didn't happen and I simply refuse to believe it did. (I also strongly dislike the idea that it's a false memory caused by Dawn's presence; Dawn doesn't deserve to be blamed for that and her existence isn't meant to have had that big of an impact on the world.)

[1] Actually if I'm being totally honest I suspect that if you polled most of the show's writers with this question the answer you'd get back would be "who's Kendra?"

[inmyhorrorsera]

S5E8 "The Roast" thoughts:

Ok, I watched this episode three times and I'm still smiling. I love when you think and episode is gonna be about something because of its title and then surprise you when its all a misdirection (see also: Succession's "Connor's Wedding").

At first Laszlo's err… state intrigued me, love everyone projecting and imposing their own insecurities (Guillermo's secret, Nadja's hex) as a reason on why he is behaving like that. And of course it's a stupid reason 😭.

"And a flat pepsi for Guillermo". Oh Nandor, that's the worst thing you ever done to Guillermo, that's the worst thing you could do to anyone. And yes, I remember a certain S4 episode.

I screeched like a bird when Colin mentioned dreaming about being a baby under Laszlo's care, not only because I wanted this shit to happen since the past finale, but also I really thought the episode was going on that direction (and also bc its another W for my predictions).

Having said that, LOVED the nonchalance of Nadja and the others when they were like 'no, it wasn't a dream, that totally happened'.

I mentioned it in a separate post: they really had a Sweet Dee in IASIP moment when The Guide gave the roast idea, only to be ignored and then the same idea being stolen by a dude who is celebrated.

Seanie's poor brain it should be soup at this point, we don't know if he can hazily remember the event like it happened before.

What can I remember is his line after Nadja's roast because it was one of the biggest laughs for me: "Women CAN be funny!" I fucking loved it so much, it's the perfect condescending shit straight men say all the time, even when they're trying to be complementary to you they can't stop being garbage. It was a simple line but Anthony nailed the delivery and timing. Seriously, rewatch that part.

At first I was confused why all the jokes were so mid, but shortly I realized this episode wasn't about the roast at all, lol.

Just by watching screenshots of other users I noticed that in the scene of Nandor resting his head on Guillermo's shoulder there's a BIG flame between them. LMAO. There's no way that is unintentional.

Good for The Guide being the catalyst of Baron Afanas learning the truth. I was demanding more screen time for her lately, so having some incidence in the main plot goes on the plus column.

The other guests present at the roast being shocked at the knowledge of Guillermo killing vampires surprised me; I always assumed Guillermo being a familiar/slayer was a known fact in the vampire community after his very public massacre at the Théâtre des Vampires.

Fuck yeah when I realized this is a Doug Jones spotlight episode, I just fuckin ahgdjkaksdf, love him, perfect, no notes.

The Baron being terrifying!! Guillermo was seriously scared for the others and he barely tried to show off his Van Helsing abilities.

Nandor and Nadja begging the Baron to not hurt Guillermo!! 😭 Them being dragged while grabbing the cape!! 😭 They're spiritual siblings to me!! 😭😭

They really reminded me a little bro and sis begging their mom to not hit their beloved older brother with the chancla for talking back or something.

I fell for the two fake-outs with the sack lol I'm so gullible when it comes to vampires I guess.

NANDOR PAINFUL SOUNDS (MOANS???) WHEN HE BELIEVED HE WAS IN FRONT OF GUILLERMO'S INERT BODY. IT WAS SAD BUT ALSO A LITTLE HORNY!!!

"At least he died doing what he loved: beating off in the toolshed."

A wonderful small detail: After Laszlo opened fake Guillermo with the knife he cleaned his hands on The Guide's dress.

Idc if you think its dark, the whole 'Nandor will kill you and then kill himself' bit becoming a recurring joke it's peak writing.

I wish I can say something more serious about Baron Afanas' sadness over how boring his life is now. But I just keep thinking that the way he talks about his homelife with The Sire and the Hellhound sounds exactly when a dude has a middle life crisis and suddenly he doesn't enjoy his marriage anymore. They're husbands!! And I loved how cunty he looked at the end all half-charred (see posted gif) Queen!

Now, the Nandermo of it all: What more can I say than incoherent screaming and foaming from the mouth? Episodes 8 are all about them again!! Nandor on the window looking all cliched melancholic heroine of a romance novel?? How relieved he was when he found him in the coffin??? Him still remembering Guillermo's card word for word???!! Knowing that this toxic dark sided devotion goes both ways???!!! Borrowing the words of Fleabag: THIS IS A LOVE STORY.

Seriously, I know all these soft Nandor moments are here so the heartbreak when he learns about Guillermo being turned it's even bigger. But still denying that there is a romantic undertone between these two it's just being purposely adamant at this point (i'm looking at you wwdits reddit). Even if nothing explicitly romantic happens on screen, just by watching these moments, I know, we know.

Now, go listen to the ending song again. You will not regret it.

[anoopsiedaisie]

My Fionna and Cake episode 7&8 tangent

Lets start it off with the score. 20/20 it was fantastic. my stupid theory post will happen eventually, and I will ABSOLUTELY TALK ABOUT PETRIGROF

The star - Cake thinking Fionna was upset cause her fling died was silly, Fionna was clearly upset before about the candy people. The fight with the vampires was funny but intense, I love how Cake and Fionna care a lot about eachother. Also why does Simon know what holy water taste like. Pb and "Star" was so cute, and I was so right when I talked about us getting more Bubbline on tiktok (Tiktok account is not linked anywhere btw) The vampire world is super sad though, cause they had really been eating for so long, that a potential thousands of people died. Marshall and Gary really lit up the episode from the sadness once again, Gary's tangents of his candy kingdom are so cute. AND HIS HAMBO THINGY IN HIS CAR. Marten and baby Finn are so cute, I wanna legit cry cause HES MEANT TO BE A GOOD DAD BUT HES SO STUPID IN THE OG UNIVERSE. Also imma say this now, Prismo gets in trouble for breaking the rules once and ignoring a few beeps, BUT Scarab ignores several beeps and his entire job and doesn't get in trouble, that boss better have a good reason. Second date (potentially) and Marshall already introducing his boyfriend to his mom, damn. Marshall's mom matches og Hunson perfectly somehow, duche parent club. And Marshall's little blush of embarrassment from his mom acting all weird infront of Gary. Billy's corpse is messed up, like reall messed up, and the reminder of how tall he is is also crazy. I was also wondering the entire time if Pb was human in this universe until she bit off half her arm basically. The Star's outfit is so good, but I wonder how she turned into a vampire now, maybe she was bit in front of that worlds Simon's body and thats why she screamed at something. Already long section so I'll end it here with, I LOVED THIS ENTIRE EPISODE, Huntress dying was sad though, and Gary Marshall kiss was adorable. Closing thought of this episode, Bubbline but toxic yuri. Jerry - Simon and Betty better get a happy ending or I will legit be so sad, they love each other so much, and Betty just legit became part of a god over her Fiance once celebrity crush. I love how gorgeous everything is in this show, Orbo is also a funny character. I feel like someone could narrow down where things and places they go in this Lich's wish universe it'd seem fun at first then spiral though. Simon does NOT know how to draw though get this man an art class. The tree house being naked though, all its leaves gone. Lich's wish to kill all life, really just unironically killed ALL life, down to plants. Fun little references to old episodes, and including one that revolved around Ice king, hmm. Also I wonder the age gap between Betty and Simon, I like to see it as they're like a year apart but Simon just skipped grades cause hes a smart cookie. Also Simon had slides ready for people to be loud, HE WAS READY. Nerd girls in love. I am also guessing Bmo has been alone for awhile now, at least since season 5ish times since thats when the Lich would have made this wish. All the references in Ice King's junk from the melted ice kingdom. Ninja guide books, kunai, vhs tapes and the camera, the pink diary, his bed has the wishing amulet that Gunter used to break bottles. I was RIGHT

Fionna see's how unhealthy Ice King was, and changes her mind and wants him to not become this sad sad man again. Simon would genuinely be such a sweet and wonderful parent, he loved taking care of the babies in the baby universe, and he sees Fionna get happy when he tells his story with Betty and keeps doing it to keep her happy. Neddy is also guaranteed dead, already obvious but the candy kingdom doesn't have the juices being produced. Bmo has done a lot in his isolation, a lot of stuff is changed or moved, I feel so bad for bmo. But the lines "Help me zip up my bra" and "Ooo, butt stuff" Wow. The Simon and Betty stuff makes me so happy, they're so cute and I love them, they need to have a happy ending or I will be so sad. The lesbians ever, I love these lesbians, let the lesbians be happy. Simon struggling to say he loves her is so CUTE. Poor Bmo, I feel so bad, but he was probably so sad being alone, sad in someway. Petrigrof moment was so cute and adorable please, I want them so happy, they deserve to be happy. Now for the bombshell, Jerry. The Lich's wish monkey paw aspect is that he gets depressed and has nothing to do now that all life is gone. Billy's body decomposing as the Lich parasites it. SO, imma theory my reason for the portal finally opening to GolBetty, either it was because the Lich was used as the battle and influenced it in a way to allow it to finally work, OR Betty's wish to keep Simon safe truly included the crown being worn. Like the crown really did trigger GolBetty like "BITCH, NO" or the third that makes probably the most sense, The Scarab was literally about to kill Simon and go against what Betty wants, meaning she is going to interfere. I saw someone say that GolBetty likely wont remember Simon and this could cause something. BUT I REALLY HOPE THEY DONT DO THAT, I WANT THEM HAPPY SO BADLY