#...this is probably why so many people in my life think i should pursue a degree in college thats math related isnt it

[stardust-solstice]

I feel so proud right now I managed to figure out a math problem my teacher couldn't and I had to explain it to him

[sttm99]

Part 2 here!

'Fuck.'

It had been just two nights since you'd given him head in the dark of his dorm room, and Bakugo hadn't been able to rid his mind of the sensation ever since.

He knew it was stupid to even agree to it. You were the one girl in class he felt comfortable enough to talk about anything with. Be it grades, his fears and even more sexual topics. It also helped that he knew you wouldn't ever judge him for anything.

You were his closest friend; more so than Kirishima. And he liked that... he liked that he has someone he could trust with his life, someone he could relate with so effortlessly.

And you felt the same way with him. You told him everything; every little secret, every dirty detail, and he never laughed or judged.

Which was why you both were in his room, many hours past his bedtime, sitting opposite each other on his bed as you recounted your most recent almost-sexual endeavor.

"-and it was so awkward cause it was just hanging there in my face and I didn't know what to do." You groaned out, with your body hunched over, face covered with your palms as you recounted your experience in the school's storage room with a General Studies boy you'd been seeing casually.

Bakugo chuckled at your demeanor from where he was. "Yeah then maybe you should have stopped him when you saw him undoing his fucking belt."

You glared at him through the cracks between your fingers.

"Seriously," he laughed. "If you didn't wanna give him head, you should have told him the moment you entered the closet."

You groaned and fell back unto his bed. "The thing is I want to do it."

You turned your head to stare up at Bakugo.

"So why didn't you?"

You groaned again. "I don't know. I mean... look, I wanna be able to make the guy I like feel good, you understand. And I really thought I wanted to give him head, but then he was pulling his jeans down- and I was getting cold feet and then he pulled down his boxers and I wanted to run away right then....

"But I pushed through- and I got down... and it was just staring at my face and-"

"Maybe you just don't wanna do it." Bakugo raised his brow, cutting you off from your rambling.

You frowned. "Maybe. I mean, I think about giving head...and I wanna do it, and then I get an opportunity and I panic. You're probably right."

There was silence for a moment, before Bakugo shifted in his position, pulling his knees higher up, closer to his body, and leaning his forward.

"Or maybe... you don't wanna do it with him."

You furrowed your brows. "Meaning..? I don't really like him or what?"

Bakugo shrugged, "I mean, do you?"

You began sitting up. "Don't I?"

"Come on, Y/N." He raised a brow, giving you an unimpressed look, "You don't even text him unless he texts you."

"Yeah because he's always texting me."

"See! You even say it like you're frustrated." Bakugo jutted his arms out at you.

You paused, sitting up and pondering it.

Bakugo groaned. "Listen, I know you, okay? You- frankly, you're horny... more so than most people-"

You scowled at him.

"-and the fact that you don't even let him put his hands under your fucking skirt most times should tell you that you're probably not all that sexually attracted to him."

You stared at Bakugo, eyes narrowed as you began to see his point. "I guess you're on to something."

"Look," he began, "I honestly think you're just with him because of how aggressively he pursued you. And that's fucking dumb."

You pouted. "I guess... so now I have to find someone else to practice head with."

"Why do you wanna learn how to give head?" He laughed.

"Cause the girls were talking about giving head one time and I wanna be able to join in conversations." I groaned out, exasperated, and flopped back unto your back.

Bakugo took a moment to look you over, before adjusting his shorts and clearing his throat.

"I can give you pointers if you want."

Silence.

"What?" You mumbled, sitting back up, with your weight on your palms and narrowing your eyes at him.

He scowled at you. "I'm not repeating myself."

You rolled your eyes and hissed at his stubbornness. "You idiot."

"But..." You started slowly. "If you're offering to give me tips on sucking dick, I don't mind."

He shifted a bit. "Yeah... well- it'll only work if you're sexually attracted to me. If not, it'll just be like with that guy earlier- and shit would be awkward." He was looking away now.

"Wanna find out?"

And that was how he found himself heaving against his headboard with his shorts and boxers flung at the far end of his bed.

"Shitshit- fuck Y/N."

His hands were fisted into your hair, knees raised in the hair and thighs spread on either side of your head, as you laid on your stomach before him, nose pressed into his dark blonde pubic hair and lips wrapped tightly around his dick.

His eyes were blown wide, lips parted as grunts forced their way out his mouth.

It was just bordering on too much; the sensation of your mouth, and he'd suddenly realised how seriously you'd taken his analogy.

-"Consider it a bottle of smoothie or something, and there's that chunk that can't pass through the bottle mouth properly, so you're trying to suck it out." He'd said, holding his already hard dick against your cheek.

"That sounds stupid, Katsuki." You retorted, as you scowled up at him.

"That's the best I got, I ain't some sex therapist, okay!"-

"Oh shit- you're good," he groaned out, head thrown back and thighs quivering. "Fuck- fuck! Fuck, you're fucking good, baby. Just like that, yeah..!"

His grip on your hair tightened, pushing you down on his dick so he could feel the sliding of your tongue on his shaft as he dipped into your throat.

It didn't help that you were drooling all over him- and yourself-, your hand cupping his balls and squeezing softly.

He was going into overdrive, thrusting up unto your mouth, his eyes rolling back as he slipped down your throat over and over again, and he moaned as he felt you gag, your throat constricting against his tip.

He brought his head forward to peek over at you.

"Slut," he groaned out, eyeing your positioning; one hand infront of you, playing with his balls, and the other stretched underneath your body, fingers dipping into your sleepshorts. "You fucking slut- you like this shit, don't you?"

You moaned around his dick, vibrations coursing round his veins and your eyes looking up to meet his; lids hanging heavy and pupils blown out as you sucked on his cock.

He came heavy- hard. With spasming thighs and choked out groans as he spurted his seed down your throat.

It was a lot... too much. He kept spurting out his cum and his sight was blurry as he looked at you.

Now he couldn't look at you without remembering your stupid, fucked expression when you were between his legs. And it's weird, because all you're doing is grinning an Sato as you hover around him whilst he bakes.

It's stupid. He knows it is.

You don't even like him that way.

Part 2 has been posted here!

[cressidagrey]

The Witching Hour - Chapter 6 - Azriel (The End)

Summary: 

5 Times members of the Inner Circle get absolutely terrified by Azriel's...whatever she is, and 1 (of many) times Azriel thinks that his witch was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Warnings: 

Mention of Amarantha, Mention of Murder, Mention of torture, Rhys Bashing, Definitely NSFW, Rough but consensual sex, (I literally titled this chapter Morticia and Gomez: Acotar Edition)

(super pretty dividers by @cafekitsune)

"I want you to keep away from her." 

Azriel held back a sigh.

He should have expected something like this probably... but it was still pissing him off.

Azriel kept his expression carefully neutral as he met Rhys' gaze. "Why?" he asked simply, his voice giving nothing away.

Rhys scowled, crossing his arms. "Because I say so," he said firmly. "I don't want you anywhere near her."

Azriel held back a snort. "Out of pure interest," he drawled. "Why exactly are you suddenly this interested in what female I pursue?"

Rhys clenched his jaw, his irritation mounting at Azriel's questioning. "I'm not interested in the specifics," he said gruffly. "I just don't want you anywhere near her, that's all'."

"You don't want me near Elain and you don't want me near Cate," Azriel said drily. “Anybody else?”

Rhys bristled at Azriel's words, his eyes narrowing. "This isn't about Elain," he said hotly. "This is about Cate. And I don't want you anywhere near Cate, understood?"

Azriel raised an eyebrow, his own irritation rising. "And why, pray tell, do you get to dictate who I spend my time with?" he asked, his voice deceptively casual.

Rhys bristled at Azriel's tone, his irritation growing.

"Because I'm the High Lord, and this is my court," he said, his voice taking on a cold, authoritative tone. "And I don't want you involved with her."

Azriel rolled his eyes, his patience wearing thin. "And what's your reason for that?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Afraid she'll give me cooties?"

Rhys visibly bristled, his irritation clear in his eyes.

"Damnit, Azriel, you know it's not about that," he snapped "She's not right for you. She's too powerful, too unpredictable. She'll only cause trouble and chaos."

Azriel let out a scoff, his own irritation rising. "And who are you to say who's right for me?" he shot back. "You don't know a thing about her, or about my own feelings."

Didn't know how sometimes Cate was the only one who understood him...who didn't judge him...who said nothing and just listened. 

"I know enough to say she's trouble," Rhys said firmly. "And that's all I need to know. She doesn't belong here, and she doesn't belong with you."

"Speak for yourself," Azriel answered calmly. "I know her. She knows me. I trust her."

He did know her. He knew her better than anybody else in his life. He trusted her with his life and he trusted her to act in the best interest of Prythian. 

Rhys's eyes widened, his anger replaced by surprise and disbelief. "You...you trust her?" he asked, his voice filled with incredulity. "After everything I've said, after everything I've warned you about, you still trust her? You know some of the things that she has done!"

Azriel didn't flinch.

"She isn't the only person with blood on her hands," he responded evenly.

She really wasn’t. He had done worse than her. At least Cate had always acted on behalf of Fate and the vision that came to her. She did what needed to be done to make the best vision come to life. 

He had just slaughtered people on the orders of Rhys’ father. 

Rhys bristled at Azriel's response, his face tightening with anger. "That's entirely different, and you know it," he snapped. "We may have blood on our hands, but we do what we do for the betterment of this court, of the Night Court. We have a responsibility to protect our people and our land. You cannot compare us to her."

"Can't we?" Azriel asked. As far as he cared…they were much more similar than Rhys would like. "She has her reasons, Rhys, if you believe it or not."

"She could have killed Amarantha and she didn't!" Rhys bit out.

Oh. 

Azriel should have realised that that was going to be the sticking point. 

He knew where Cate had spent these 50 years. Keeping an eye on Hybern. He had thought she was dead. Had thought that maybe Cate had been Amarantha’s first political murder…but Cate had always been smart enough to know when to go underground. When to hide herself away so well that it was impossible to find her, even for him.

Only after the last battle with Hybern had been fought…only then, her information trickle to him. She had been fighting her own, one-woman mission, keeping the human lands as safe as she could. 

And she had also told him what exactly would have happened if she had interfered more obviously. If she hadn’t hidden herself away in the shadows, made sure that nobody knew that she was a piece on the chessboard as well. 

“She had her reason,” Azriel said quietly. 

"Why didn't she?" Rhys shot back, his anger flaring. "She had the power to do it. She has the capability. But instead, she chose to stand by and watch us suffer. She chose to let us endure fifty years of torture and horrors."

Azriel's expression darkened. "There are things you don't know, Rhys," he said quietly. "Things that no one knows, things that she hasn't told anyone."

He knew what he asked her about…but there were some things where Cate just turned silent...just stared emptily in front of her with these green eyes an ocean of pain and suffering…and he left it at that. It was better that way. 

There were things that Cate didn't even tell him...that she never would utter to a single soul. 

Rhys clenched his jaw, his irritation and frustration mounting even more at Azriel's words. "And what exactly would those 'things' be that she hasn't told anyone?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

He could feel the adamantium ripped claws against the shield of his mind, could feel the deep gouges Rhys left and he held his own, clenching his teeth.

Rhys let out a growl of frustration, Azriel's mental shields holding firm against the onslaught of Rhys.

"Damnit, Azriel," he bit out. "I'm trying to protect you, can't you see that?"

"All I am seeing is that you keep trying to control me," Azriel bit out.

"Control you?" Rhys repeated incredulously. "You think that's what this is about? You think I'm just controlling you because I feel like it?"

Azriel shot him a dark glance. "What else do you call trying to dictate who I do and don't spend my time with, hm?"

First Elain, now Cate. Azriel was done. 

What he did with Cat had no political ramifications for Rhys whatsoever…unless one counted easier access to certain kinds of information. 

"I'm trying to look out for you, you stubborn, infuriating, idiot," Rhys gritted out. "I'm trying to keep you safe, to keep you from getting hurt. From getting burned."

Azriel let out a scoff, his irritation mounting. "And do you really think I'm so weak and helpless that I need you to 'keep' me safe?" he shot back. "| can take care of myself, Rhys. I don't need you hovering over me like a mother hen."

"You are the spymaster of this court! And you are colluding with her!"

"Colluding?" Azriel repeated, his tone flat. "We're not planning a coup if that's what you're implying. Actually, if you truly think that I would do something like that...then I think I have no place in this court anymore." 

Rhys froze at Azriel's words, his irritation replaced by surprise and a hint of guilt. "Don't say that," he said, his voice quieter now. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Do I?" Azriel asked him flatly. 

If Rhys truly thought that he and Cate were planning to topple his throat, then Azriel should not be trusted at all. 

Rhys let out a huff, running a hand through his hair.

"Damnit, Azriel," he muttered. "You know me better than that. You know that I would never doubt your loyalty."

"Az..." Cassian piped up.

Azriel's gaze turned to Cassian, who had been watching the exchange silently from the sidelines. "What?" he bit out. "Want to call Cate a whore? Again? Or would you like to go back to implying that she is using me? Again? Do you truly take me for stupid enough that I wouldn't have noticed?" 

Cassian tensed at Azriel's sharp words, his own irritation mounting at being called out so directly. "I'm not calling her a whore," he muttered defensively. "I just think you're being reckless, that's all."

"The one thing Cate did was to help Nesta," Azriel said, his voice even. "I know you didn't like it, but it clearly worked. Nesta made that choice, Cassian. And Nesta had every right to make this fucking choice too."

Cassian clenched his jaw, stung by Azriel's words. "I get that," he bit out. "And thanks to her, I now got a mate that's so fucking furious with me that she doesn't even talk to me anymore."

"I hate to be the one to tell you, but that Nesta is angry at you, has nothing to do with Cate," Azriel snapped. "She's angry because you think you have a right to decide what she does with her own body. We have some people who think they can decide what happens to a female's body in this court. Do you truly wish to put yourself on the same level as them?" Azriel said lowly.

Cassian froze, his expression darkening at the implications of Azriel's words. "I'm not like that," he said tightly, his own anger mounting. "You know damn well I'm not like that."

"Prove it," Azriel bit out. "Cate only cast a Dreamcatcher Spell. She has cast the same on me, numerous times. The only thing it does is to blunt the emotional impact of the nightmares. Nothing else. She did that as a favour to me, Cassian."

Cassian scowled. "So she's your personal magic spell caster now?" he asked, his voice cold. "She's just there to help you get a good night's sleep?"

Azriel's nostrils flared at Cassian's barbed words. "She's my friend, not just some 'spell caster'," he said, his voice tight with anger. "And maybe if you actually bothered to talk to her yourself instead of just listening to rumours, you would see that too."

Cassian shot him a dark glance, his expression closed off.

"I'm not interested in getting to know her," he said coldly.

Azriel let out a scoff, his own anger mounting even more. "Of course, you aren't," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "It's easier to judge someone without knowing them, isn't it?"

Rhys stepped in, his voice cutting through the tension in the air. "Alright, that's enough," he said firmly. "This arguing is getting us nowhere. We need to figure out a way forward, not keep sniping at each other like children."

Azriel clenched his jaw, his own irritation still simmering beneath the surface.

Cassian grumbled to himself but finally nodded. "Fine," he muttered. "What do you suggest, then?"

Rhys let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair. "Well, for starters, Azriel, maybe you could stop spending so much time with her," he suggested.

Azriel couldn't help but bark out a laugh. "No," he said drily. "I really don't care if you like it or not, Rhys, but Cate's presence in my life is not something that we are going to argue about. Either you accept it or you don't. If you don't, you'll get to find yourself a new spymaster."

Rhys froze at Azriel's words, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Are you...are you actually threatening to quit over this?" he asked, a hint of incredulity in his voice.

"It's not a threat," Azriel said quietly. "I am telling you that my relationship with Cate is not up for debate. I am telling you that her presence in my life is non-negotiable. She's important to me, Rhysand."

Maybe the most important of them all. 

She understood him. Nobody else understood him. She wasn’t scared of him. Everybody was always scared of him. She didn’t once flinch away from the things he had done, because she had done the same or worse. It was so…easy to be with her. 

He didn’t need to pull on a mask and behave like a normal person, because she wasn’t normal either. She would never judge him for some of the horrific dark thoughts that ran around in his head. She had the same.

Rhys clenched his jaw, trying to rein in his anger. "You'd really throw away centuries of loyalty and friendship for her?" Rhys asked tightly.

"If you don't trust me anymore to do my job, then there is nothing to throw away," Azriel said quietly. "You already stopped treating me like your brother by Winter Solstice, Rhysand. I did what you asked. I kept away from Elain. I only tried to help Nesta, but you don't like my methods, so clearly I must be out to destroy my brother's mating bond. Gods, do you even hear yourself?! Cate has done nothing to you, or to Nesta or to Elain. She offered her help, even when she was treated utterly reprehensible by you,” he spat out. 

Rhys bristled at the accusation, his irritation mounting. "I never said I didn't trust you, Azriel," he gritted out. "I just don't trust her"

Azriel let out a scoff, his own annoyance sharpening.

"Why?" he asked, his voice sharp as a knife. "Why is it that you're so desperate to find fault in her that you're questioning my judgement and my own ability to be discerning?"

Rhys clenched his jaw, his irritation warring with a hint of guilt. "I just... just think you're not seeing her clearly," he said, his voice tight. "She's clouding your mind, making you see her in a more... favourable light."

Azriel rolled his eyes, his irritation mounting again. "I'm not some damn swooning schoolboy, Rhys," he said firmly. "I'm not some naive idiot that falls for every pretty face. And you should know me better than to assume that I would let her manipulate me in such a way."

Without a word, he lifted the shirt he wore, lifting the glamour that kept the bargain mark from sight.

Rhys's eyes widened at the sight of the mark on Azriel's shoulder. "You...you made a bargain with her?" he said, disbelief and concern colouring his voice. It was a circle with a star that…not any bigger than a gold coin. 

"The very first time I met her," Azriel bit out. "To tell each other the truth, regardless of anything else."

Centuries ago...the first time he came across his witch...he had been a spy working for Rhys' father. He had been ready to snatch the mantle of spymaster for himself...until Cate had been quicker.

His competition had turned into dust...and he met Hecate The Undying.

They had a bargain. Even still to this day. To tell each other the truth.

Hers wrapped over her shoulder blade...his around his ribs.

Rhys's brow furrowed in confusion and consternation.

"Why?" he asked, his voice tight. "Why would you make such a bargain, with a stranger no less?"

Azriel gritted his teeth, his irritation mounting. He had never enjoyed talking about this particular subject. "She saved my life," he said quietly. "And it was the only way to make sure that we could trust each other."

Cassian's eyes widened in surprise. "What do you mean, she saved your life?" he asked, his voice betraying his own shock.

Azriel clenched his jaw, his irritation still there, but now a hint of vulnerability as well. "There was a...an incident, long ago," he said quietly. "Before I became spymaster...there was...more than one option for the next holder of that title. Some decided to team up. Take me out of the running. And she...she saved me from certain death. She offered me the bargain as a way to...repay the debt."

Rhys gaped at Azriel's words, shock and surprise registering on his face. Cassian was similarly taken aback, clearly having not expected this revelation. "You never told us," Rhys finally managed to say

Azriel let out a scoff, a hint of bitterness entering his voice. "Would you have believed me, if I did?" he asked, his gaze fixed on Rhys's face.

Rhys had the decency to look guilty at that, his jaw clenching as he tried to find an answer. But before he could say anything, Cassian spoke up. "Azriel, you know we would have listened to you, right?" he asked, his voice tight with suppressed emotion.

Azriel let out a huff, his irritation and defensiveness faltering momentarily in the face of Cassian's genuine concern. "..." he started, but then trailed off, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter," he said quietly, his voice guarded.

"It does matter," Cassian urged, taking a step forward. "You're my brother, Azriel. We have fought together, bled together. We have shared everything. Why would you think we wouldn't believe you about something this important?"

"Because you don't believe me right now," Azriel spat out. 

Cassian reeled back, stung by Azriel's response. "That's not...that's not true," he protested, even as the guilt settled in the pit of his stomach.

Azriel let out a scoff. "Is it? You don't believe me when I say that she's trustworthy. You think she's manipulating me, that she's somehow got me under her spell. We've met 500 years ago. If she had me under her spell it would not be a new thing," he said flippantly. "She came to Velaris on my request. Because I knew that we could use all the help we could get with Koschei and with Elain."

Cassian's eyebrows shot up at Azriel's admission. "Wait, she's here because...you asked her to come?" he asked, surprise and a hint of disbelief colouring his voice.

Azriel let out a scoff, his irritation flaring again. "Yes, Cassian, she's here because I asked her to come," he bit out. "Can you believe that? Incredible that this selfish monster comes just because I say please, right?! That she is willing to help, even when she gets nothing out of it."

There was a hint of bitter sarcasm in his voice that sent a pang through Rhys' chest. "Azriel, that's not..." he started, but trailed off, unsure what to say.

"I don't want to hear it," Azriel said sharply. "Keep out of my private life. Both of you. You can trust me to act in the best interest of this court. But you will not get me to give up Cate. I'll be by her side until she decides she doesn't want me to be."

Rhys and Cassian both froze at Azriel's firm declaration, both taken aback by the fierce protectiveness in his voice.

There was a tense silence in which neither one of them dared to speak.

"General, High Lord," Azriel drawled before he turned on.his heel and walked out.

For a moment, neither one of them spoke. They just stood there, quietly watching as Azriel stormed off, the door clicking shut behind him.

Finally, Rhys let out a heavy sigh. "Well, that could have gone better."

Azriel though... Azriel went home.

Azriel stalked through the streets, his expression thunderous. He was furious with Rhys and Cassian for questioning his judgement, and for not trusting him. But he was also feeling a growing sense of agitation and anxiety over the whole situation.

As he finally approached his house, he paused momentarily, taking a deep breath to try and quell the mix of emotions swirling within him.

Not to a place. No place had ever been home for him. But to a person. A person that he knew he could trust with his life.

They had never put a label on what exactly their relationship was.

Had never bothered with it. They had always just been...them. They came together and then they went apart again, sometimes for weeks, sometimes decades...but every time they came back together it was like no time had passed at all.

But he knew what it was. Knew what it was to meet his other half...his perfect, match, his equal. And he didn't care what anybody else thought about it any longer. He was done trying to hide, done trying to behave in a way that was more socially acceptable. He wanted his witch.

He wanted Cate. 

He wanted her warm laughter, her sharp wit. He wanted her soft body to bury his face as he breathed her in. He wanted those big, green eyes of hers to look at him with affection, not suspicion.

He wanted her in a way he had never wanted anything or anyone before in his existence. And he would be damned if he let anyone come between them.

He finally arrived at Cate's townhouse, his heart thudding in his chest. He didn't hesitate for a moment, not even bothering to knock as he pushed down the handle to the door and stepped into the house.

Azriel gave the jaguar a nod in greeting, his expression softening slightly as he glanced down at the jaguar. "Hey, you," he said quietly. "Where's Cate?"

Belladonna was her familiar, bound to her through an ancient magical ritual. She served as a companion, as a focus for Cate’s magic, as protector…She was a part of Cate just like his shadows were for him.

He didn’t need an actual thought until his shadows went to swarm to her, always having liked the big cat that playfully swiped at them, claws carefully withdrawn, before she looked at Azriel and then in the direction of the bedroom.

Azriel let out a soft breath as he saw the direction of the jaguar's glance. He took that as a cue to head to the bedroom, his heart beating faster with every step he took.

Azriel let out a soft breath as he saw her spread out on the bed, asleep. He moved forward quietly, his gaze trailing over her face, over her unruly red hair, her freckled arms and slender legs. She was so beautiful, so vulnerable without her usual sharp edge.

He could see the signs of exhaustion on her face, the dark circles under her eyes, the slight frown on her forehead. She was tired, no doubt from the day's events. He felt a pang in his chest, an overwhelming urge to protect her, to take care of her in that moment. 

The High Lord went to see her this morning, his shadows whispered. Her magic forced him out of the house.

Azriel grunted, his eyes narrowing as the shadows informed him of Rhys' visit to Cate's house. That meddling bastard, he grumbled, a hint of irritation in his voice. He should've left her alone.

It must have gotten bad if Cate had forced Rhys out of her house.

He didn't hesitate as he undressed. Regardless of Cassian's worry for his manhood, Azriel had never worried about that once.

As he got into the bed behind her, he pulled her close to him, savouring the feeling of her body against his. Azriel tucked his head into the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent of her hair. He wrapped his arm around her, holding her tightly against him like a lifeline.

For a moment, he just lay there, holding her close, taking comfort in the sound of her slow, steady breathing. But then he couldn't help it, his hand began to wander. It started at her waist, tracing lightly over the curves of her body.

He moved up, his fingers tracing over the delicate skin of her hip, her ribs, the valley between her breasts. He heard her breath hitch as he touched her, her body stirring in response to his touch. He felt her press back against him, her body seeking out the comfort of his touch. He pressed his lips to the nape of her neck, his mouth moving lightly over the sensitive skin.

Cate let out a soft sigh, her body responding to him, arching slightly in his arms. He couldn't resist, his hand wandering lower, tracing the line of her hipbone, the softness of her stomach. He felt her shiver as he touched her, her fingers twitching in the sheets.

He didn't stop, his hand continuing its journey down, down to the apex of her thighs. He pressed his fingers gently against her flesh, feeling the heat…the wetness that already coated his fingers. Between one breath and the next, her eyes opened slowly, a soft gasp escaping her lips. She turned her head slightly, her gaze lazily meeting his. "Azriel," she breathed, her voice ragged with sleep and desire.

Azriel moved quickly, his lips capturing hers in a searing kiss. He poured all his desperation, his need for her, into the kiss, his hand still tracing over the soft skin of her thighs.

If Cate was caught off guard by his forwardness, but she quickly recovered and pressed herself against him, responding to his kiss with a soft mewl.

Her tongue met his, dancing against it, and he could taste the familiar hint of apples and spice in her mouth. It sent a shiver down his spine, sparking a blaze of desire within him.

Her. Nothing, nobody had ever been able to compare.

Azriel ran one of his hands down her side, her curves a familiar and comforting sensation. He deepened the kiss, claiming more, pushing her harder into the wall, pressing his body against hers.

The desire, the fierce need to touch, taste, and feel all of her, was mounting rapidly, taking over his senses.

He broke the kiss momentarily, panting as he took her in.

Cate's hair was even more tousled, her lips red and wet. Her eyes had darkened to an almost black hue, the want in them so clear that it made his very blood sing.

He leaned back in, his lips trailing down her neck, nipping and sucking at the soft skin. He could feel her body responding to his touch, the way she pressed herself into him, arching into him in silent invitation.

Her scent, her taste, the feel of her...the noises she made...all of it drove him crazy, made him want more, more...more of her. Azriel pressed himself against her, his body desperate for connection, for the feel of her skin against his.

He couldn't get enough of her, couldn't stop himself from touching her, from tasting her, from making her moan and writhe under his touch.

Azriel moved down, his lips and tongue trailing over her collarbone, her throat, and the top of her chest.

Azriel was drowning in her, his senses overrun by everything that was this glorious, maddening female. He could feel his hands shaking with the need to touch her, to hold her and never let go.

He needed her, needed to make her his, to claim her completely. His hands roamed over her body, caressing, teasing, marking her skin with his touch, marking her as his and only his.

A bite here, a kiss there, adding to the patchwork of bruises and hickeys he had already left. Cate was his.

His fingers traced over her skin, trailing over the marks he had left behind. It was satisfying in a primal way, to see the evidence of his possession of her body. His. She was his.

"Say it," he whispered hoarsely, his voice a rough, needy growl. "Say you're mine."

His hands continued their assault, his fingers trailing over her hips, her stomach, up to her thighs.

He wanted, no, needed to hear the words from her lips, needed her to confirm what he already knew in his heart to be true. And judging by the way she arched into his touch, the way her eyes darkened further at his demand, she wanted it just as badly as he did.

"Cate," he said again, his voice even rougher than before. "Say it. Say you're mine."

He punctuated his demand with a bite to her shoulder, sharp and possessive.

His hands roamed over her body again, more insistent, more desperate. He knew he was being greedy, that he was pushing the boundaries, but he didn't care. He needed her to say those words. He needed her to claim him as much as he was claiming her.

Her breath hitched, her body arching again. He could feel the heat emanating from her, the desire burning in her veins just as strongly as it burned in his.

"I'm...I'm yours," Cate gasped out, her voice ragged with need.

He rewarded her with his cock thrusting inside her, a cry coming from her, just as he bit down again. 

She hadn’t truly been ready for him, but neither of them had ever shied away from a bite of pain. Besides, he trusted her to use her safeword if she needed it. And she would. They may played rough, but they had done this often enough to know each other’s boundaries very well. 

And like this, her body quivering around him, her cunt struggling to stretch around him, her body tightly pressed against him…for once she was utterly at his mercy. 

His body thrummed with a primal satisfaction, as he began to move, his body rocking against hers. His grip on her hips was bruising, the need to lose himself in her overwhelming. His lips found her neck again, kissing and sucking the sensitive skin, drawing out soft gasps from her. The sound of their breathing and the soft wet slapping of skin mingled with the occasional thump against the wall, the only sound in the otherwise silent room. He lost himself in the feeling of her, the way she moved and writhed against him. The desire, the passion, the desperate need to be closer, more was almost a living thing, driving him to move faster, harder, claiming her and being claimed.

He was consumed by her, by the sensations coursing through his body, by the sheer need to be as close to her as physically possible. 

Azriel could feel himself approaching the edge

Her body was shuddering, clenching around him, the soft gasps and mewls becoming whimpers as she too felt the tension building. He could feel her nails biting into his skin, the sting of it feeding him, pushing him further on.

His movements became faster, more frantic. He was close, so close, but he wanted her to go over the edge with him. He nipped at her neck, the sound of her gasps and moans spurring him on. His grip tightened on her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh, desperate to hold on.

 "Mine," he repeated, more to himself than to her. "Mine," he said again, the word a low growl.

He repeated the word again and again, like a mantra, a desperate claim. As he felt her body shuddering against his, the sounds of her climax mingling with his own, he said it again, for good measure, his mouth against the shell of her ear. "Mine," he said again, his voice ragged and raw. "You're mine."

And as Azriel let his body surrender to the climax, the sensation overwhelming and all-consuming, he repeated it once more, his eyes closed, his forehead resting against hers.

"You're mine."

As they both came down, he didn't let go of her. He kept her close, his arms wrapped around her like a lifeline.

"I love you," he murmured in her ear, his voice hoarse but firm. He had never said the words aloud, but now it felt like a dam had burst, a truth that had been there all along finally spilling out into the open.

"I love you," he repeated, his eyes still shut, his face nuzzling against her neck. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest, the rapid thump slowly returning to a more normal pace.

He wasn't even sure why he'd kept the words from her for so long. Fear, maybe, of scaring her off. Or maybe because he was just so used to keeping his emotions tightly leashed.

Maybe because he knew that she thought that every other person would just keep leaving her.

He knew her well enough to be aware of her trust issues. He knew that she had walls built up, as high as the damn sky. He knew that she was terrified of putting her heart on the line and getting it broken.

It was buried deep, hidden behind her prickly exterior, her sharp tongue, and her fiercely independent spirit. But once you broke through all of that, once you earned her trust and got through those walls of hers, her love was fierce, unwavering, and loyal to a fault. 

He took her face in his hands, tilting it up so he could look at her. "Say it," he demanded again, the need to hear her say the words overwhelming. "Please," he added softly, the desperate plea in his voice clear.

He searched her face, his eyes locking with hers, pleading and desperate. He needed to hear those three little words from her more than he needed air to breathe. He cupped her face in his hands, tilting her head up so he could look directly into her eyes.

Her eyes met his, the green depths holding a mixture of love, amusement, and tenderness. She let out a soft huff, gently cupping his face in her hands. "Of course, I love you, you sap," she said, her voice warm and affectionate.

The words washed over him like a balm, soothing and healing, chasing away the doubts that had lingered in his mind. He let out a shaky breath, his eyes still locked with hers. "You love me?" he asked, his voice a hoarse whisper as if he still couldn't quite believe it.

He felt a rush of emotion, a combination of joy, relief, and disbelief. He pulled her closer, burying his head in the crook of her neck once again. "Again," he whispered. "Say it again. 

Her laughter vibrated through her body, the sound like music to his ears. "I love you," she repeated, the words firm and steady. "I love you, you insufferable, overprotective bat."

He chuckled, the sound muffled against her skin. Her words felt like a balm to his soul, soothing away the last remnants of uncertainty.

"Insufferably overprotective, huh?" he asked, his lips curving into a soft smile against her neck.

She huffed again, the sound amused and affectionate. "You're a 500-year-old warrior with severe control issues," she pointed out. "What else am I supposed to call you?"

He hummed, the sound an imitation of agreement. "Severe control issues," he repeated, lifting his head to look at her again. He brushed a loose strand of hair off her face, tucking it behind her ear. "Is that really how you see me?"

"Yes," she replied without missing a beat. "You are insufferable. You are possessive and territorial, and sometimes I just want to strangle you." A note of laughter crept into her voice.

"Strangle me, huh?" he retorted, lifting his head slightly.

She laughed again, her hands coming up to thread through his hair. "You're lucky I love you," she teased.

"I think I'm the luckiest male alive," he replied, leaning in to press a kiss to her neck.

"Some people will vehemently disagree with you there," Cate said, her voice quiet.

He chuckled his lips still against her skin. "Let them," he murmured. "I'm not here to please everyone, only you."

She hummed, her nails scratching lightly at his scalp. "You're too sappy for your own good," she scolded softly. "I never want to come between you and your family," Cate said quietly.

He lifted his head, his expression turning serious. "You never will," he said firmly, his voice carrying an undercurrent of steel. "You're mine, and I won't let anyone or anything get between us."

She rolled her eyes, but he cupped her cheek. "I am serious. They are not going to like this," she warned him. "They didn't even like it when we were just...having fun."

He stroked her cheek gently with his thumb. "That's their problem," he said, his voice firm. "I don't care what they think. I care about you. And I will fight tooth and nail for us if I have to."

"You're incredible," she murmured, her eyes soft. "And I swear to the Mother, if you get yourself killed out of some misplaced sense of protectiveness, I will resurrect you and kill you myself."

He couldn't help but laugh at that.

He chuckled. "That's fair," he conceded, his thumb still tracing gentle circles on her cheek. "But I don't care what anybody thinks. Let them have their opinions. I don't care what they think. All that matters is that I have you."

She let out a shaky laugh, relief and affection warring in her eyes. "You're insane," she told him, though her voice was filled with affection. "You know that, right?"

"Only when it comes to you," he assured her, his hand moving to cup her chin. "You drive me mad, in the best possible way."

[celestie0]

hi friends, i won’t be posting or updating any of my works for an indefinite period n will be on hiatus from this blog as well.

i’ve unlisted kickoff & ihm on ao3 (haven’t deleted, they’ve just been made private) and i’ve unpinned my masterlist here on tumblr (again nothing’s been deleted so you could probably find the chapters if you searched my tags)

but the reason i did that is because i don’t want any new readers finding my works during my hiatus because i don’t want to potentially upset more people in the event that, during this hiatus, i decide that i would no longer like to write my fics

that would be an insanely sad decision to make. i put so much thought into my stories not because i am trying to make them entertaining, but it’s because they genuinely mean so much to me and are cathartic in ways i can’t describe. i have spent a great majority of my life self negating for the sake of others, and so writing was just a form of expression where i could talk about all the things i’ve suppressed over the years - anxiety, career stress, financial stress, avoidance, depression, loss, coming of age, navigating love, etc

but lately, and i do think it’s been a build up of just some careless words from a handful of people over the months, i find myself steering towards a practice of writing that is no longer asking the question “how can i put as much of myself in this piece as possible?” but rather “how can i make sure people won’t criticize this…i feel awful that it doesn’t have what they want it to have…other creators are doing xyz, should i be doing that too?…i’m just scared to share this”

not exactly sure when that shift in headspace began, but as of right now, it’s as strong as ever. and i understand that those questions may seem irrational, and i just have to try to not focus on the feeling, n i wish i was someone that could compartmentalize those thoughts better, but here’s the thing — the whole reason i started expressing myself through writing in the first place was because i’ve spent my whole life compartmentalizing. it would feel so ironic & untrue to the lessons i’ve learned in this journey if i just chose to “suck this up” and continue pushing forward until i reach a point of burnout simply because i don’t want to upset anyone

i’m really sorry i couldn’t focus on the positive. especially with all the insane n incredible amount of love n support i’ve received for my works. i’ve said this time n time again but when i started posting kickoff to ao3 back in january of this year, i had NO idea it would be this loved by so many people…i was like ok can’t wait to interact w these four readers for the rest of the year…and then BAM, i find myself fully sobbing after each chapter update because i was so touched by all the sweet n kind words. i don’t want this decision to come off in a way that makes it seems like i don’t love u guys sm or that i’m ungrateful — i’ve always taken pride in respecting my audience. even for a simple hobby, i try to put effort into my works. i proofread, i plan out, i edit in length, all because i am, well, for one, i’m a bit of a perfectionist LOL but also i think there’s a great deal of honor in respecting an audience that gives you their time n attention

but i already am struggling in my life to focus on the positive. medicine has been such an incredibly daunting career to pursue, i’m honestly only doing slightly better now because i’m just filled with relief that i got into med school to begin with lol it’s still surreal to me, so the stress has been kinda manageable so far on that sense of optimism, but dear god the shit i went through to get here…and the shit i know i still face ahead of me. i spend all of my serotonin on trying to stay positive in the face of my responsibilities. so all of this time i’ve spent trying to stay positive for the sake of my stories too has just left me with so much exhaustion — i just don’t see why posting my works should be anything less than fun and endlessly exciting when it’s a hobby that’s supposed to help me thru the actual brunt of life.

anyways, i’m getting a little carried away here. all this to say, i just need to take time away from posting my works so i can see writing as something for myself n not for others again. i don’t want the thoughts swimming in my head to be thoughts of anxiety over people potentially criticizing me n my creative decisions. i want the thoughts in my head to once again be positive, excited, and nurturing towards my stories. i don’t see how i can accomplish that at this point unless i start writing for myself once more, and not for others

i still have a great deal of passion to write, which is why i haven’t formally taken down my works. i anticipate that i may be able to come back in the future to share my writing again. but as of right now, i just want to heal the relationship that i have with this hobby, and i feel like that’s gotta happen in private (lmfao it sounds like im tryna freak my writing)

i’m sorry that i turned off my asks n my replies, i know so many of u care about me n want to support me n i just am beyond thankful. i don’t anticipate this is a forever goodbye, but i do just need some time rn away from all of this.

hope u all have a happy time!! and take care of yourselves :) much love

- ellie

[maxdibert]

Honestly, if Severus had had emotional maturity, he would have realized that Lily always minimized his harassment by the marauders, like "boys will be boys." If I were Snape, I would have cut off the friendship a long time ago. What would you do in Severus' position?

The problem with Severus and Lily's relationship is that it wasn’t built on equal footing. Lily made a friend, possibly like many others in her life, because she came from a structured family with a solid foundation in interpersonal relationships. Despite her issues with Petunia, we know her parents adored her and were thrilled to have a witch for a daughter, so we can assume her emotional role models were quite positive, which helped her build relationships at school and even become somewhat popular. For Severus, though, Lily wasn’t just a friend. Severus came from a poor and dysfunctional family, his father was abusive, and his mother didn’t seem to do much to protect her son from that abuse. His view of relationships and affection was already deeply distorted by the environment he grew up in. For him, being with Lily, playing with her, was a way to escape what was happening at home. It was a moment of peace, of stability, something he wasn’t familiar with. I genuinely believe he developed a very strong emotional dependency on her and her attention, because, from childhood, Lily represented everything good, everything that made him feel safe and important to someone.

Then adolescence hit, and they had very different interests and goals. I don’t hate Lily, but I do think she was a bit shallow. I mean, ending up with a rich, socially successful bully is pretty shallow. And it fits her character, because at the end of the day, she was a lower-middle-class girl in the Muggle world, and a Muggle-born in the magical world—she didn’t belong to any relevant social class in either. So, being pursued and courted by the most popular guy in her year, who was also super rich and from an important family, must have appealed to her. J.K. Rowling said in an interview, when someone mentioned that Lily supposedly hated James, that “Lily never hated James. You, as a woman (to the interviewer), should understand or know that.” She hinted that all the hatred towards James was an act and that she was actually attracted to him, which tells me a lot about Lily as a person and her values. I would never date a bully, whether or not they had attacked my friend. If I saw someone constantly abusing others at school, I wouldn’t date that person, but Lily did. And I don’t think it was because James made her believe he had changed, manipulated her, or any of the nonsense people say. I don’t think Lily was stupid. I think she knew exactly what she was doing by getting involved with someone who could give her social status, a life of comfort, and a position she didn’t have in either the magical or Muggle world.

Severus clearly went in a different direction. He wasn’t doing well at school, and the rich, popular kids decided that picking on him was easier than going after their rich, pure-blood classmates, because those pure-bloods could get them into real trouble, so it was easier, more comfortable, and safer to go after the weakest link—the poor half-blood. They made life unbearable for someone who already felt that life outside of school was equally unbearable. They bullied someone who was already being abused outside of school, and that’s probably what pushed Severus—if he already had an interest in the Dark Arts—closer to more negative influences.

Lily and Severus grew apart as they matured, and this is completely normal. It happens to all of us as kids. We all had those close childhood friends who took different paths during adolescence, and that’s okay. The problem is that, despite everything, Severus still saw Lily as that symbol of his childhood happiness. She was his happy memory (which is why the whole Patronus thing makes a lot of sense), because he probably didn’t have happier moments than the ones he shared with her. And in the midst of all the bullying and questionable influences at Hogwarts, during the early years, Lily was probably also his safe space. But Lily didn’t see Severus in the same way, and I’m not talking about romance, but rather that she didn’t see their friendship as something necessary, something emotionally vital for her. Severus was dependent; she wasn’t.

In a way, I think that, beyond emotional immaturity, Severus also lacked healthy emotional role models, and therefore he didn’t realize that Lily was actually kind of a jerk. Add to that the fact that he was blinded by her, considering her his emotional anchor, and he probably wasn’t able to see her negative traits. That’s also very common.

I believe that if Lily hadn’t died and Severus had had the chance to have a life of his own without sacrificing all his autonomy and independence to serve Dumbledore, over time he would have matured and gained perspective, because despite everything, he was a smart guy. He would have realized that his relationship with Lily was always one-sided, and I think he could have started fresh and become a functional person. But he never got that chance. It’s been proven in psychiatry that abuse victims who don’t process their traumas remain stuck in the time period when the abuse occurred. In Severus’ case, the abuse started in childhood and continued throughout adolescence, so it’s logical and normal that he ended up being a very dysfunctional adult, unable to manage his emotions properly or set limits for himself when situations triggered him too much. In some ways, he acts like a child. The comment about Hermione’s teeth is childish—it sounds like something Draco would say, and Draco is a teenager. The same goes for many of his remarks to Harry or Neville, which are basically sarcastic jabs from a bratty kid being a jerk. I think we see this best (because it happens between equals, interestingly between two people with significant emotional issues) when he has several confrontations with Sirius. Maybe Sirius’ immaturity is more obvious because he’s a loudmouth and pretty extroverted, but Severus also behaves like a brat, which shows that despite not spending 12 years in Azkaban, he hasn’t grown either. If we think about it, Severus had his own Azkaban: Hogwarts. He had to return to the place where he had a terrible time and experienced several of his worst traumas, to teach, even though he didn’t even want to be a teacher, and he had to adopt that jerk persona to mask all the emotions and insecurities he felt being there. You can’t heal in the place where you were hurt. You can’t heal by giving up your life for a greater good. You can’t heal while feeling guilty over the death of someone who was once the most important person in your life. Severus was stuck in adolescence mentally, even though he was an adult. And this happens a lot with victims like him.

Honestly, despite everything, I think Severus was quite level-headed and pretty decent. Or maybe I’m saying this because I’m more of a jerk than he is, but I would have made James Potter and Sirius Black suffer a lot. I would have found out all their secrets and made them public, putting all my efforts into making them wish they were dead and even have suicidal thoughts. And if a friend of mine had acted like Lily, who kind of laughed when Snape was being abused, I would’ve beaten her so badly she’d lose her nose. But well, I have less ethics than Severus and maybe more temper.

[xanderjkz]

Charlie Dalton- Misery Behind Walls

I finally figured out what makes Charlie's character such an interesting one (from my perspective)

There are alot of interpretations of his character but what the fandom can agree the most on is that this mf cares about his friends. Almost in a way that is above regular standard.

Okay sounds weird but why did I say it when it's never really shown? Well he often is in the moment when the other poet has a breakthrough in the movie. When evil Tom literally made Neil's day worse, he was the first to speak to him. But to base this little theory on a bigger proof I'd like you to remind the only scene where this big care is vocalised:

"Fiete you're going insane!" I'll be not be misinformed about my state of mind! Let's move on! He literally asks so many damn questions that Knox gets annoyed with it. And the tone Charlie uses in that scene isn't one to mock him or put Knox in question. He's just curious if Knox has thought this through. Because he cares!

But why? What is so damn interesting about this dude caring? What makes Charlie the way he is?

Charlie somewhat hides his care for his friends behind the nice wall of Humour. Humour is beautiful, it's Twistingly and contently a nice way of escapism. Humour is provoking a peal of laughter out of someone and that's what Charlie does. But over the years when you use this way of coping you start to twist in the wrong way. It's a wonder how anyone who uses this type of coping mechanism can even recognise themselves in the mirror. After a while, you hide your internal feelings behind a wall too. For yourself you become unrecognisable.

But why?

It's established in the first 10 minutes of the movie that Charlie is from a family of bankers who are fond of him continuing the legacy. And we know that he is from a wealthy family. And most wealthy kid trope in media follows the structure of pressure and unobtainable views. Wealthy people don't want to be touched by anything lower. So they have to obtain this image of untouchability. This is probably the way Charlie has been raised. Money is more important. And like most wealthy kids, they get neglected for that money.

Every kid wants love. And this is what Charlie probably chased. And still is. And love can be interpreted in lots of ways but as I see in myself, I always tried to get attention so they think of me. If they can't love me, then I should at least linger on their minds. So what's the quickest way to gain attention and potential Recognition?

(Here he more tries to loud than funny but the need for the same thing is still there)

He started to build his personality in a way that would later bring him to complete self-isolation. He doesn't give a fuck about money. And he most definitely doesn't want to go down the same way his father did. But something in him always wanted that recognition, so he didn't go against anything.

But then Keating happened

So we made clear that something inside him can't separate personality from coping, right? So what happens when a teacher comes around with the opinion to go against the system? Doubt? Anger? Or fascination?

Visionary

Charlie, if asked, def would've told you that life comes to him how it wants to be. As long as he makes his friends happy, then he is fine. Not happy but fine. So when Keating tries to bring new things into the mix, everybody began to rethink their story.

Todd got more comfortable

Neil pursued something he always wanted

Knox got the guts to ask a girl out

So what's up for Charlie? He becomes vulnerable with himself. As he lost his personality in humour so did the familiarity with himself. So every lesson he becomes more bold and Indulgent in poetry and the revolution.

But a journey to find oneself takes long. God a 16-year-old won't find it within 4 months. But for what it's worth he tries. Throughout the movie, these boys drift apart from tradition and self-destructive ideologies. The first time Charlie makes this change in his consciousness is this one:

(Love how he looks in the angle)

Doing poetry doesn't bring attention to himself, not in the way we established he needs. So why is he doing this now?

"You yap too much, we get it" well fuck you, I'm getting to the better part

The reason for his somewhat impulsive reaction is the way he saw himself in Keating. Keating is a poet, but Charlie at first doesn't care about that. What he does care about is the cheeky way Keating moves his lips. From the comments about Meeks and Pitts names to the way he openly makes a name for himself. He thinks of Keating as this older version of himself. And he doesn't know what to do with it.

(Again this is going on in his head without him actually verbalising it to himself. Everybody does that, just writing it down)

So now this boy is chasing something he thinks can bring him to the Keating kind of level. In this path, he slowly becomes more radical with his thoughts, in a way that is pushing things over the edge. But in a boiling kind of way.

First, we have him ripping out the page. Then, the playboy scene and then this one:

I'd like to believe that this was the first time that his inner self formed a sentence. In scenes before that one, he is fidgeting around, trying to really get into it. He liked what he heard. And while he is still clinging to this version poisoned on humour, he's getting out of it. BUT

This scene is where he lets himself go. And it's safe to assume that something must have happened between the pic before and now. What is it? Heck, I know. All I know is that he tested the water and realised it's alright. (Again he is a 16-year-old boy, every 16-year-old has doubts) so everytime we do see him in the cave, he's wearing the damn hat.

So what have we established:

He cares deeply for his friends

He hides his need for recognition behind jokes

He somehow lost himself in it

He sees himself in Keating

Then learns how to be his inner self again (partly)

And he's doing poetry! Or Poetrusic...

But why did I say partly? Well, this movie is called DEAD Poets Society. And who died at the end of the movie? Ofc His CHILDHOOD best friend Neil. (This is heavily implied but even if they aren't, Neil was the closest to Charlie). He was probably the first person to know about it and definitely jumped into impulsiveness. In a way where he takes over the responsibility. Let's be real if this was at the beginning of the story he would've been one to be non-functioning but after he got his punishment and faced his worst, he knew that there are things to not be self-centered about. It's obvious that Charlie told the others. I mean, these boys look so distributed that they definitely couldn't form any sentence to the others. So it is Charlie. It had to be.

But he does let his emotions out. Not vocalising them but he shows the others that he understands. Particularly in three scenes:

1.

2.

3.

( I literally wrote something AMAZING BUT FFS TUMBLR DELETED IT)

These scenes show him care and breaking. He let's his voice break while shoving snow into Todd's mouth. To clean Todd and to drown his thoughts aswell. He has to be there but God he breaks. Because he cared

He cared so damn much for Neil. And it was that stupid system that took him away. His inner self is caring, Poetic and confronting. But how?

With all his emotions that are directed at the system regarding Neil's death, he does his first rebellion. And that not singing. The singing is only a recognition of the fact that evil Tom isn't at fault. Being in the front row and not singing? Fucking provoking.

So what's next? Now that he has found his last finding piece? The confronting kind? Not the part hiding behind humour? (If you notice he hasn't cracked a joke since Neil offed. Ofc bc the times are dark but he could've said one after the funeral. But he didn't, he was just angry)

Well....

His last scene.

He knew what would happen once Cameron walked away. He knows his roommate too much. But the reason why he punched Cameron wasn't for the fact that they couldn't work it out on the remix but more for the fact that he saw Cameron as the system. As Cameron kept digging, Charlie thought that this was the way out. Every person who experienced grief knows it's all over the place and often not understandable. If I could explain it, I would say that he had the hope of starting the rebellion needed. But he couldn't.

He failed at confronting it to its most effective stage.

He managed to comfort his friends, he managed to change his mind. But sometimes confronting ends at the start.

But it was he who failed, not the mindset. It was the rest but most importantly todd who continued it...

It's sad to not hear anything after his expulsion but I think it would be even more heartbreaking. Charlie is a lot of things but the most important one is that he is a boy. Utterly experiencing things he shouldn't have. To think that he ended his time at Welton, disproving the thing he mostly cared for (which was attention to himself) just to find himself while so is...beautiful. He broke free and now has to be alone to find his future. This is both tragic and hope-fulfilling. Wherever he ended up, I hope Charlie learned to deal with Neil's death as well...

Or I'm delusional and he's just a 16-year-old boy without depth.

Again characters are always up for debate and everyone has their interpretation. I finally wrote down mine and think it's important to share. Do with it what you want but please remain polite. Except when you crack a joke

I want jokes 🔥

[taisoleil]

Saturn and Ancestors through the Houses

First off, Saturn is an elder. It brings upon lessons, but did you know that those blockages are actually coming from some things your ancestors already experienced? This is the “been there, done that” planet that already knows the pain you’re going through? Why so? Because pain and trauma, which is Saturnian in nature, is carried this way. To understand this we must understand what is a natal chart in the first place.

I got this piece inspiration awhile back from someone on tumblr talking about how our chart are how our parent felt about our birth and what they were experiencing. This information helps us understand not only ourselves, but them. So, why can’t we understand our ancestors through this very system? Saturn is also ruled by time where with wisdom, should come time.

Timelines aren’t as straightforward as you may think. This is why Saturn does so well in the 12H is because of the ability to understand how much time (Saturn) can be an illusion (12H). This is also why your past, current, and future life are all happening at the same time, and why you are your ancestors, and how they live within you. When you reminisce about trauma from the past it’s as if you’re living it in your present moment because of that timelines overlapping.

Saturn really deals with the ancestral trauma and generational curses we all deal with. This may not be something you’ve felt from family, but something you may even be carrying with you due to your lineage. There’s a lot of people in your bloodline, so you never know what you’re carrying until you ask or check in with yourself. More than likely, your family members have been through the same thing.

This post is archived on my site here: https://www.taisoleil.com/articles/2021/6/11/d9mj0oemzek40itx9fonl3cdtblpnw

Full interpretations are exclusively on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/87216320?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

Saturn 1H: One may have felt like they weren’t good enough when it comes to family. A generational issue you may be dealing with is linked with the insecurity of not being enough.

Saturn 2H: Feeling financially held back and traumatized is something you may experience when it comes to your family. You may have an issue with trauma bonding when it comes to money because of the fear of losing it all.

Saturn 3H: Feeling like your ideas were never enough probably caused you to second guess your own abilities. Being able to learn and refine your ideas based on how life shifts is how you evolve. The slightest bit of disappointment shouldn’t shake that.

Saturn 4H: Not being able to have you to yourself may have been a problem. Being forced to grow up early to deal with adult life before you were even ready was probably a thing as well. This is a situation where you had higher standards projected on you than other people.

Saturn 5H: FUN??? In your household??? Probably not! You probably were told to pursue something more serious and steady, possibly stripping you or your own creativity. It probably is hard for you to get out of black and white thinking because you were told if it doesn’t make sense, it cannot possibly be valuable.

Saturn 6H: Speaking of work, aren’t y’all tired of doing that? Having to prove yourself based on how much you do isn’t doing much for you at all. You may have come from a family that is used to breaking their backs to maintain something only to get caught in a rat race they can’t get themselves out of.

Saturn 7H: Learning how to keep the right bonds may be important for you. As with anything in life, some bonds aren’t worth the energy based on the time we spend with people. Giving that many people that sort of lenience is a disservice to yourself.

Saturn 8H: Spending habits are going to be key from you. You may have been a family that was scared that you would miss out on something if you didn’t spend. The contrary to this is that even though money may have not been lost, in your day and age, every penny counts, and you weren’t taught frugality during an economic time where money was more available.

Saturn 9H: Don’t be afraid of new experiences. You may came from a family that didn’t do much. Didn’t venture out or try new things. Because of this, you may stay in your bubble or level of comfort zone that allows you the safety. The Sun finds joy in the 9H, and it can be an ego killer to find out you’ve been wrong about certain things.

Saturn 10H: High expectations can cause you to fold under pressure if you’re not careful. You may have come from a family that was expected of you to do everything even if that means forsaking what seemed to be unimportant.

Saturn 11H: Friendship and aspirations may be hard for you. Your family may have had terrible community/support/friends. People bringing you down is only going to regress your further if you’re not careful.

Saturn 12H: Your Saturn is in joy here. You may understand how to go about things better than others. Your ancestors may have figured it all out, and gave you the keys. Moving through your life, don’t doubt what you know. Instead, think more about what you can do with what you’ve learned.

[lisbeth-kk]

May Prompts (24) Imperfect

The Luckiest Girl in the World (chapter 24)

Summary: Rosie meets a young man in Paris. Love is in the air but one thing gnaws on Rosie's nerves. She need to warn Timothy of her protective relatives without making him run for the hills.

Twenty-Four Years Old

When my first year in Paris was coming to an end, I went with a group from my school to a party. It was held in a big apartment that apparently belonged to some ridiculously rich aunt. The amount of red wine I’d drunk before we arrived, made sure I didn’t remember the details of the family tree.

What I do remember was the young man reading French poems with a British accent, and afterwards, the beginning of an interesting story about two men finding each other in a dream, and later apparently meeting in real life. I desperately wanted to hear more, but when I got him talking, he said that he wasn’t sure the idea was good enough to pursue.

“You wrote this?” I asked baffled. “I thought it was brilliant!”

“That’s probably the Pinot talking,” he retorted with a lopsided grin. “People normally say that it’s utter bullshit.”

I huffed at this ludicrous statement.

“So, why read it out loud, then?” I challenged him.

“Dunno. Perhaps I hoped that someone like you may turn up and like it” he quipped.

“That’s the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard,” I muttered and rolled my eyes.

***

Timothy and I were thick as thieves after that evening, and it soon evolved into more than friendship. He was studying literature and creative writing at Sorbonne Nouvelle, which was located quite close to Marguerite’s building. After our first official date, I pondered bringing him to my place, but uncle’s surveillance made me reconsider. Dad and Papa planned on visiting soon, and I knew it was futile trying to hide anything from Papa.

You’d better prepare the poor sod, before meeting the British Inquisition, I thought with a grimace.

After David, Papa wouldn’t make the same mistake of failing to observe even the tiniest flaw.

We hadn’t talked about our families at all, because there were so many other topics that were interesting, but I knew time was running out. I decided that after a good meal with some wine, it would be the perfect time to tell him about my fiercely protective family.

Rinsing and eating mussels, is a sticky and quite down-to-earth affair, and a better opportunity would be hard to find, so I plunged in with both feet so to speak.

“I…um…think it’s time to tell you about my…family,” I started.

“All of them, or just your fathers?” Timothy said while dipping a bite of bread in the creamy sauce.

I almost dropped my spoon in surprise. Had I told him that I was raised by two men and no mother? Not to my knowledge. Perhaps some of my other friends…

“Rosie?” Timothy said softly.

“Do you know who they are? Have you…”

Timothy lifted his hands, motioning me to calm down.

“Sorry, I assumed you knew,” he murmured. 

“Knew what?” I snapped. “You’re worse than…”

“I know who you are, Rosamund Watson-Holmes. A dossier, I think will suffice as a description, was delivered to me by a courier after our first coffee date. Four “letters” from each of your watchdogs. I didn’t know there were so many ways to threaten a person…”

“Damn, them!” I exclaimed. “Always, they have to meddle just because I had one bad boyfriend. Jesus, they’re incorrigible.”

“No matter how imperfect you find them, they love you dearly, or should I say fiercely,” Timothy chuckled. “After the initial shock, I must say I found it quite amusing and adorable. Four grown men, with the careers they have, your dad even an ex-military, and they’re all softies. Your police uncle was probably the scariest, come to think of it. Not that he doesn’t love you to bits, but he was the only one who stayed somewhat professional. He certainly didn’t bring any medieval torture methods or mafia tendencies into the equation if I hurt you purposefully or otherwise.”

“Oh, God,” I growled utterly devasted of my protective relatives.

Timothy chose to call them The Fab Four, which still earns him stern looks, but I know the four protectors are quite proud of themselves.

Also available on AO3

@calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @raina-at @helloliriels

More tags in the replies

[prettyboyeddiemunson]

“i’m going to fuck your so hard you’re going to forget that guys name” With bestfriend eddie pls 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

Weekends were always fun for you at college, since they were times that Eddie came to visit.

The two of you had graduated high school two years ago now, with Eddie pursuing one of his dream careers and you going to college for your own. You both vowed to make weekends all about the two of you, since you would no longer be able to see each other every day. It had been twenty years of friendship for you, and he was always by your side. Through every good moment, every bad, every ugly, every middle ground, Eddie had been one step behind you. That had not changed as you began to follow your dreams; it just made it harder to see each other.

You had also changed since your time attending the university. Gone was the timid shy girl, and in her place was someone bolder, more outspoken, and no stranger to casual sex. You were hooking up with people almost every night, but you saved the weekends for time with Eddie. Sure, sometimes you drug him to the occasional party or a club, but time with him was usually spent in & alone. You didn’t want him to know about your new life; you were afraid he would see you differently. After all, Eddie had always seen casual sex as a sort of pointless game, saying that it was nice in theory, but when it came down to it? He would rather have one partner, not many. You had once agreed, until college swept you off your feet. If he knew, would he see you as someone who changed for the worst, a person who did nothing but conform to a society he loathed so deeply?

It was a mess, indeed.

One Friday, Eddie had called you from a payphone and said he would be running late. Instead of arriving at six, he would be arriving closer to nine. Thinking that he would hold true to that, and appreciating the fact that your roommate was spending time with her boyfriend on the weekends to give you & Eddie privacy, you decided to bring a guy over for a quick hookup. Things were getting heavy, steamy, and you were in the middle of giving the guy a messy blowjob & handjob combo, wearing nothing but your bra and panties, when there was a knock at the door. Annoyed with being interrupted, and thinking it was your roommate forgetting her key again, you got up to answer the door. Not bothering to throw any clothes on, you whipped it open, a look of irritation on your face. But it was soon wiped off when you saw who was standing there, and his joyous look was soon replaced with something you couldn’t identify when he saw the state you were in.

“I thought you were gonna be late,” you said, your throat dry as you tried to force the words out. “You said….”

“I thought I would be,” Eddie said with a scoff. “Looks like I barged in on something.”

“Is he your boyfriend?” the guy asked, grabbing his clothes from the floor and throwing them back on. “Hey look, man, I didn’t know she had someone. I mean, I’m not that kind of guy—“

“He isn’t my boyfriend,” you said. “But I think you should go, just the same.”

The guy nodded, slipping past Eddie without a word. Eddie stepped into the room, looking angry, and you closed the door behind you. You couldn’t look at Eddie, the shame eating you up as you took a seat on the bed. You were still in your underwear, but you didn’t care much about that. You were too afraid of what Eddie was going to say, of what he might think of you now. Of course, he didn’t know about the others, or how often this had been going on; still, you didn’t know how to break it to him, or what you could say to make it better.

“I’m sorry,” you said, sighing deeply. “I know this is probably a shock to you, but—“

“Why that guy?” Eddie interrupted. “I mean, I guess if rich guys with square jaws are your type, then good for you.”

“I don’t really have a type,” you said, then shook your head. “I mean, I do, but…”

“Why don’t you just fuck Harrington and be done with it?” Eddie said with a roll of his eyes. “That seems to be your type, according to the asshole who just walked out of here.”

“Why do you care so much?” you asked. “I mean, you’re making a huge deal out of nothing right now.”

Eddie sighed, holding up the bags he brought with him. “I just wanted a nice evening with you. Instead, I got faced with whatever that was, and now I have to see you in your underwear.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you said, getting up and reaching for your clothes. “Let me just—“

“No,” he said, reaching for your wrist to stop you. “No, I…I want you to leave them off.”

“Why?” you asked in confusion.

Eddie rubbed his face, clearly stressed out by the entire situation. You laid a hand upon his arm to help calm him, and he looked to the floor as he spoke. “Goddammit, y/n, do you realize how long I’ve wanted this? How much I thought about it? All those times…and then, when we were younger, all the times I thought about kissing you. About being your boyfriend. But I was always too chickenshit to say a goddamn word, because I didn’t want to lose you. And now here I am, talking about it and saying it to you, about to fuck it all up, because I’m jealous and pissed and I don’t want to keep pretending anymore.”

You were stunned by his admission, but your heart began to flutter in your chest. You’d always felt the same way about him, but you were also too afraid to admit it. Eddie had always meant the world to you, and telling him how you really felt? That felt like an impossible leap, one you didn’t want to take without knowing where you would land. Now it was in the open, and you knew what he wanted from you. You were so overjoyed you could cry, but there was still the question of what he thought about you now.

“Eddie,” you said, facing him. “I’m sorry you had to see that. It wasn’t what you think and I….I’ve been doing it often. It’s just meaningless sex with strangers, and I just…I always wanted it to be you…”

Eddie perked at that. “Wait, seriously?”

“Mmm hmm,” you hum, moving closer and taking hold of his face. “It’s what I’ve always wanted. Sex means nothing, if it can’t be with you. I know it’s wrong to think of you that way; you’re my best friend. But I can’t help it.”

“No,” he said, coaxing you into his lap and having you straddle him. “Because that’s exactly how I feel about you, too. I didn’t want to feel that way, but I do. Christ, all I want to do is throw you down right now and fuck you.”

“Do it,” you said, grinding against him as he moaned filthily. You whimpered as you felt him getting hard, your hands braced on his shoulders as you rubbed your soaking, clothed pussy over his dick. “I want you to fuck me so bad, Eddie. I know it won’t make things weird with us; in fact, I think it’ll make everything better.”

“I agree,” he said, frowning as he looked down at your lap. “I am a bit peeved that he got you this wet, though. I wanted it to be my job.”

“Who said it wasn’t?” you teased with a wink, bending down to kiss over his neck. “He didn’t do it for me, honestly. He had a small dick and he kept calling me ‘baby girl.’”

“Not a fan of that nickname, huh?” Eddie asked, panting as you found the sweet spot on his neck.

“‘Baby’ is fine,” you said, leaving a small mark on that area. “‘Princess’ is okay, too, I guess. But I absolutely melt if someone calls me ‘babe’ or ‘good girl’.”

“Good to know,” Eddie breathed, his erection growing as you rubbed your tits over his chest. “I hate that fucker, though.”

“The Steve clone?” you questioned. “Because he almost fucked me?”

“Yes,” Eddie said, watching as you removed your bra and let it fall to the ground. “God, look at those fucking tits. So much better than I always imagined.”

You laughed, the sound turning into a surprised squeal as he threw you onto the bed. Your back collided with the mattress, and he was on top of you at once, his face buried in your breasts as he marked them up. “Fuck, y/n. I’m going to fuck you so hard you’re going to forget that guy’s name.”

“Jokes on you for that one,” you said, moaning as he began sucking generously on your nipple. “Mmm…I never even asked his name.”

“How naughty of you, baby,” Eddie said, swirling the nipple with his tongue as he rubbed his fingers over your drenched panties. “Fair enough, then. I’ll make you forget he even existed, how about that?”

“You’re already doing a good job,” you said, taking his hand and pushing it inside of your underwear. “Just one favor?”

“Anything,” Eddie said, moving his fingers along your pussy.

“Finger me while you suck on my tits,” you said, biting your lip as your face grew hot. “I want to know if what they say about guitarists is true.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asked, pushing two ringed fingers inside of you as you clawed at his back. “Which part? The part about how we’re good with our hands, or good with keeping rhythm during sex?”

“Both,” you moaned, head tipping against the mattress as you squeezed your eyes shut. “Oh, God…That’s so good…”

“Ever hear the one about singers?” Eddie asked, hissing as he heard the wet sounds his fingers made while they fucked you. “God, can you hear that? Can you hear how soaking wet your pussy is for me?”

“Mmm hmm,” you hummed, moving your hips along with his rhythm. “What do they say about singers, though?”

“Two things,” Eddie said, making a rapid come-hither motion with his fingers as his tongue played with your nipple. “That we like to be loud during sex, and that we’re very good with our mouths.”

“Are those true about you?” you asked, attempting to push his head lower.

He only laughed, winking up at you as he did so. “How about we find out?”

————-

mini taglist: @littledemondani @andvys @wroteclassicaly @corrodedcorpses @sunkillerdreamer @2spock @mattte-black @brighteyedbushybrowed @lunatictardis

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[goodluckclove]

On Experimentation in Writing, and In Defense of Weak Words

So there's a lot of writing advice I don't like. I don't care if it's from a wildly successful career author or some random person on the internet - if anyone makes a blanket statement on how you have to craft a story, I automatically lose some degree of respect for them as an artist. The fact that so many people online refuse to acknowledge the use of I statements and find community by sharing their individual experience is tiring and annoying to me.

One frequent trend is replacing weak words with "stronger" ones. Don't say "sad"! They insist. If you say sad it's bad writing! Instead of that you should describe the slight drooping tremor of their brow! The arch of a single tear! Doleful is a synonym for sad, say that instead!

This is where I hope people realize that I am not someone who thinks no one should be angry ever. I struggle with anger issues, and this is the type of "advice" that makes me really fucking angry. But I'll try to approach this sensibly.

Prose has rhythm - that's how I see it. It's like music, and because of that there's a lot more freedom to create a successful piece if you can compose with intent. Whenever I see someone list acceptable synonyms for a word they don't like, I see someone claiming they have the list of acceptable instruments in Jazz. Like, what the hell are you talking about? Stop it.

Also, synonyms of a weak word that sound more literary also might mean something different. If you replace "sad" with any fancier synonym you might actually create absurdities in your writing that you don't intend to do. "Downcast" is a synonym for sad that relates specifically to people. "Regretful" is another one that means specifically showing regret. "Traumatic" is considered a synonym for "Sad", you understand why this isn't always the right fit.

I think it can be a good thing to explore the connection between a character's physicality and the description of their emotions, but a person can do a lot with that. People don't express emotions in very similar ways. When you see me at my most distraught, it will probably look different than how you feel. You can depict a character with any sort of physicality and decide that's what they do when they're unhappy and that can support a sense of full-realization in the reader.

Or the reverse. The scene is tragic, heartbreaking - insurmountable trauma and devastation. And in the internal narration it is said that the protagonist is sad. JUST sad? That can really say a lot about their mental state.

I am pro-synonym. I think every word evokes a feeling. I think when you are in a relationship with someone and they're visibly upset and you ask them how they're feeling and they say "I'm fine" - that's a weak word that suddenly has a lot of language.

I think when you have gone through a terrible situation that could've potentially ruined the rest of your life, and one day someone asks how you feel and you say "happy", that is a weak word that might cause you to break down weeping right then and there.

If you deny yourself any words or descriptors that doesn't sound like Fancy Real Book, you are actively amputating your language for no reason. If you only use Fancy Real Book descriptors without actually seeing if the words are truer to the atmosphere you're trying to create, you run the risk of an inauthentic finished product.

You are actually allowed to play with language and description as much as you want, or at least until you find a dynamic that suits your individual craft. If you are a newer writer I think this is something you should make an actual effort to pursue and see if it sparks something in you. For the love of god, do not limit the scope of your language in writing to what Opinionated People On the Internet say.

I say this again that a lot of the people in online spaces are the next generation of literature. And for that instinct to experiment and play to fade out just because it's 2024 and anyone with wifi now has the tangential authority of an art critic is so genuinely abhorrent to me that if I start talking about it to someone for long enough I can feel myself get a crazed look in my eyes. I need the new writers here to seriously make a pledge to develop a sense of artistic intuition as thoroughly as possible, even in the face of people who are desperate to feel artistically validated online in a way that requires very little effort.

It is hard, I won't lie. It takes a lot of work. It took me probably over a decade to get to the point where I feel like I can write with intent in virtually every medium. But I swear to god it's worth it.

[butch-reidentified]

do you think it’s possible for a lesbian to be somewhat attracted to a trans woman (who passes well) if the only place she sees the tw is online/in videos/in pictures? i’m gender critical and i believe attraction is based on sex, but if somebody strongly resembles the same sex and you’re only seeing them from a physical distance, wouldn’t it make sense for somebody attracted to that sex to be able to find them attractive? (not referring to pursuing a relationship with them)

its almost 4am at the end of a long work week, and I'm still recovering from covid, so I hope this is coherent lmao

ik this will be controversial but I urge people to really mull over this before reacting in anger, though I really do understand the impulse:

honestly, as a (former) neuroscience researcher and someone still deeply passionate about neuroscience who likes to read neuroscience journal articles in her spare time... I think it's fucking complicated and there's a bit of intellectual dishonesty on both sides. the TRA side claims you can (only!) be attracted to someone's internal identity or ~gender feelings~ while the gc side claims that there is NO circumstance in which a person could pass well enough as the opposite sex to be perceived as attractive by someone whose orientation includes that "passing" sex.

and yet, I've had the experience of being at an lgbt bar or club and seeing someone I thought was a cute masc woman initially, only to realize it was an androgynous or slightly effeminate-appearing gay man - and many many lesbians I've told this to have shared similar experiences with me. I know a male transitioner online who is really cool and calls himself a eunuch rather than a woman or anything, and while I don't find him attractive, I have to admit that in the ~100ish photos I've seen of him (incl many candid full body ones taken by other people), I've not been able to "clock" any distinct male characteristics. maybe that would be different in person, but we live on totally different continents so idk.

I've known a TON of trans people irl, likely far more than most people on radblr or anywhere. this is partly because Florida has the second highest # of trans people in the country, and partly bc of where I went to college, and partly because my life is just strange like that. but I'll admit I've known a couple mt"f"-transitioned folks who I truly had no idea were male for quite some time - physically or behaviorally.

the reality is that your brain only knows what it perceives, and if it perceives a male as a female without your knowledge, and your orientation includes females, then it could be possible to feel attraction. however, I'm preeetty damn sure that would not persist beyond learning that person's sex is male, at which point you'd probably suddenly start noticing whatever male traits you were able to overlook initially. but I don't think it makes rational sense to claim that it's never possible to experience "mistaken" attraction for a period of time. there are known cases of historical women who lived as men who were flirted with by straight women who believed them to be male, for instance.

this is one of those situations where the truth (what I've said above) could be twisted and deliberately misinterpreted by the opposing party, which I believe to be why so few, if any, are willing to acknowledge this. but it's a question I've pondered a lot and this is the only logical conclusion I've reached. and it simply is not rational for anyone to act like anything I've said here implies that homosexuals can/should be open to dating/sleeping with the opposite sex. anyone who could come to that conclusion from this response needs a seriously intensive review of reading comprehension.

like I said I'm not fully awake so I'm sure I could have made my points here more clearly and I'm sure I'll get retaliation from people who want to nitpick my wording or whatever, like usual, but o well.

[animebw]

Phenotyping the Stereotypical Anime Love Triangle

Something I've noticed over my years of watching anime is the existence of a specific kind of love triangle. One that pops up over and over again, often in some of the most popular shows of their respective eras. And the more I think about it, the more it feels like the skeleton key to really understand The Male Fantasy as it exists in otaku culture. This particular trope, repeated across so many different genres and decades, is a Rosetta stone for understanding how male anime writers approach female characters and why so many of them fall flat. Or maybe it's just a fun little pattern I've noticed that I'm trying to make into a bigger deal than it is. Either way, I need to rant about it for a second so it'll stop bugging me. So roll up your sleeves and let's do some literary science here.

First, we need to define what exactly I'm talking about. This isn't about every single love triangle, nor is it about harems or any romantic situation with more than three participants. No, the breed of love triangle we're discussing here involves one guy at the center, romantically pursued by or entangled with two specific kinds of female character archetypes. The guy in question is pretty versatile: he can be shy, a self-insert, brash and egotistical, edgy and emo, whatever the story needs him to be. But it's the girls fighting over him who matter. Put simply, this is a love triangle where the two female characters represent two competing philosophies of romantic happiness for the male lead. They aren't just fighting over the guy: they're designed around two specific, directly contrasting character archetypes that the guy must choose between as competing statements on what love should be. And everything about the girls- from personality to color design to even superpowers- is designed to emphasize that contrast.

So what are these two competing archetypes? Put simply: Hot and Cold.

HOT: The exciting girl. Probably a tsundere. Even if not, her personality is strong and overbearing. Her hair is red and most likely long. If this is a fantasy setting, she'll be some flavor of alien or superhero or magical warrior, something that sets her above common people. Her elemental power is, naturally, fire. This girl represents challenge and adventure for the male lead. She's someone who crashes into his normal life and upends it, shaking him out of complacency and inspiring to seize his destiny with two hands. If he chooses her, it symbolizes his willingness to reach for greatness and keep pushing himself to accomplish the impossible, proving himself worthy of being such an incredible girl's partner.

COLD: The shy, quiet girl. Her personality is usually sweet and caring, though sometimes she can be a deadpan kuudere instead. Her hair is blue and almost certainly in some kind of bob cut. Elemental power: ice. While the Hot girl is someone new who crashes into the male lead's life, Cold is near-guaranteed to be his childhood friend, someone who's known him for a very long time. She represents stability and domestic comfort. In contrast to Hot inspiring him to rise above him limits and become something greater, Cold accepts him as he is. She's the girl you don't have to change for, the girl who'll give you a long and happy life of simple contentment. By choosing her, the male lead shows he's able to see the happiness right in front of him and mature into a dependable partner.

Obviously, not every example of this trope fits all these parameters. There's plenty of variation in how many aspects of the Hot and Cold archetypes each girl fulfills. But if you look across anime history, you will find that a great deal of 1-guy-2-girl love triangles fall into this pattern to some extent. For just a few examples:

Darling in the Franxx- Zero Two and Ichigo. Probably the most prominent modern example.

Chivalry of a Failed Knight- Stella and Ikki. Go watch Trixie's video series on The Asterisk War for more info on them.

Re:Zero- Emilia and Rem. Obviously Emilia's a huge departure from the Hot archetype, but she fulfills the thematic purpose of someone Subaru must challenge himself to be worthy of.

Oshi no Ko- Kana and Akane. They swap the expected hair lengths, but the personalities are pretty spot on.

Waiting in the Summer- Ichika and Kanna. Never watched it so I may be wrong, but from what discussions I've seen, these two fit.

Shakugan no Shana- Shana and Kazumi. The show where I first started noticing how often this trope popped up.

Guilty Crown- Inori and Hare. Another case where Inori is much more a Cold archetype personality-wise but fulfills the narrative role of the Hot archetype.

Evangelion- Asuka and Rei. Kind of a funny example because they probably inspired a lot of future hot/cold love triangles, but they're also worst-case subversions of their respective archetypes that turn what they represent into something horrifying (What if the spunky foreign girl is actually a walking shell of trauma? What if the demure girl-next-door was actually just Your Mom?). Essay for another day, perhaps...

Blue Box- Chinatsu and Hina. Pretty textbook example of how this trope functions in a normal, grounded high-school setting with no magic or monsters or whatever.

Your Lie in April- Kaori and Tsubaki. See above.

Fate/Stay Night- Sort of an edge case with Saber and Rin both fulfilling the Hot archetype, while Sakura tackles the Cold archetype.

And finally, an honorable mention for Flip Flappers, which asks the question, "What if there was no guy and the girls were just in love with each other instead?"

It's worth saying at this point that I don't think this trope is inherently bad. Writing characters who represent two contrasting ideas or philosophies on how to live is a staple of literature across history. And I don't think all of these examples are bad either! If you've been around on this blog long enough, you know how much I adore the way Re:Zero handles Subaru's relationships with the girls around him. But the reason this trope bugs me so much is, well... have you noticed anything missing in this discussion of what these archetypes represent and what it means for the guy to choose one or the other?

Exactly: What about what the girls want? What are their desires? So often it feels like the girls in this kind of love triangle are written solely for their importance to the male lead, with little consideration for who they are as people. This trope can work, but only when everyone involved has dreams and personal goals beyond the triangle itself, things they want to accomplish that are bigger than who ends up smooching who at the end. And while the guy usually has bigger, more plot-relevant things going on, it's a bit of a coin toss whether or not the girls are allowed that same interiority. More often, they only exist for the sake of some dude's personal growth, denied the chance for the narrative to build something resonant out of their own circumstances and speak to their own experiences. Case in point: Akane being driven to attempted suicide by online harassment in Oshi no Ko mostly just existing as an excuse for her to fall in love with Aqua for saving her with no lingering impacts on her psyche or her relationship with the entertainment industry. Because why focus on how this traumatic turn of events affects her when her story only really matters in service to someone else's narrative?

The Hot/Cold love triangle exists for straight boys and men to explore their perspective on love. It gives male viewers a choice between the excitement of love as a constant adventure that challenges you to be better and the warmth of love as a stable commitment that accepts you as you are, and it tries to guide them toward the answer it believes it's best. But a relationship isn't something you can possess like an object. It's not a choice you can make on your own. It's a partnership between two people, each of whom matters equally in building a life together. And if stories like this fail to show men the importance of the woman's perspective? Then no matter which best girl wins, all girls lose.

PS: Surprise! Stealth advertisement for my webcomic, lol. I actually got the inspiration for Beyond the Sable Shore from thinking about this trope and wondering, "How could I write this kind of love triangle in a way that's actually compelling and meaningful and does justice to the female characters?" So if this discussion was interesting for you and you wanna see me grapple with this trope a little more, feel free to check it out!

[factual-fantasy]

25 asks! :00 Thank you! :}} 💖

I would like to yeah :0 for now I'm just kind'a goofin around and drawing whatever. Also thank you!! :DD I'm glad you like it! :}}}

I don't think kid Gregory and Vanessa would realize that the other is a younger version of the guard that's pursuing them.. They would just think they have the same name.

What would be confusing though is who went into who's world. If Little Vanessa went to little Gregory's world, she would be so confused. "Where's Bonnie and Foxy? Why do Roxy and Monty look so different..? Why does the entire BUILDING look different..??"

For adult Gregory going into the kid Gregory's world.. it'd be the same thing. "Why is the building so different and where is Bonnie and Foxy?... Also why is there this random gal that has on a security uniform and why is she in my office-"

Thank you! Happy new year to you as well!! 🎉🥳🎊

YOOOO THAT'D BE SICK!! :DDD Also I love all the puns XDD

Yeah, that post is outdated and should not be followed. My pinned post has all the up to date information. 👍

(Also thank you! :D)

That's a thing?? Man. I'm not sure what to think. I was never super into Bendy.. I guess I just hope that the fans get what they're hoping for? <:D

Or at the very least I hope that the people who made Bendy have the freedom to put what ever they want into the movie. :}

Thank you so much! :DD As for my favorite character from my AU specifically? I'd say its a tough pick between Freddy and Foxy.. I thiiiiink I'll pick Freddy XD I just love him man 🥺

@skeletormasterofevil

N-No.. she was so young...💔

@underfalls-36

XDDD That's hilarious, also thANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD

Calico Jack? I don't think so.. scurvy is caused by a severe vitamin-C deficiency. And sailors usually got it becuase they didn't have fruits and vegetables on the ship.. But it looks like Calico Jack has gotten shipwrecked quite a few times in his life. I imagine he's been stranded on islands for a few weeks at a time where he ate nothing but fruits, Veggies and fish. Not to mention his time in the Amazon where he likely had access to all kinds of fruits.

Natquik though? Its possible.. out in the Antarctic his diet was probably mostly fish.. although it seems that real arctic fox diets don't really demand many fruits and veggies.. Still, Natquik seems more likely to have contracted scurvy at one point then Calico Jack :(

:DDD THANK YOU! And boy do I have a lot of that XD

I do have many theories/headcannons yes!.. Although I think I'll keep those tucked away in my brain for now- :x

@citrusfruitman

(Post in question)

XDD I sat on the first ask for a while because I was intending to draw something for it. But I'm realizing now that I might not ever draw it so--

What was going on in that drawing is an evil Undyne threw a spear at the group while they were passing by. Seam was struck in the head by it and was killed.. hence the blood splatter on her face. (My darkeners bleed)

BUT ITS OKAY! Through some uh... very dark methods- Frisk was able to reset to a few moments before and pull Seam out of the way. Then she got into a brawl with the evil Undyne no doubt <XD

I have, and uh, I'm not so sure about the whole "in character" thing.. or at least its not the character I imagined Fazbear Entertainment would be- <XD

It just means they're both rough and tough and their hands get beat up a lot. Kwazii gets them beat from scraping them on stuff and dealing with dangerous creatures while on missions. And Calico Jack gets them from scraping them on stuff and.. dealing with dangerous creatures while on adventures XDD

@spinelfan11

XDD I have now! What an odd specimen..

(Also thank you! :DDD)

@milk-powrit

Its hard to explain exactly why I don't like them.. But I don't like them-

I guess it feels kind'a.. mary sue-ish..? If that makes sense? Or at least having all these sans' that act nothing like the original sans is kind'a off putting? I guess? Not to mention loads of them are shipped together- uhg idk- Its hard to explain but I don't vibe with them personally. So I didn't add them to my au :/

@abaroo

OOOO THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!! :000 I like how it creates a spin on Grillby and River. While Jevil intentionally grabbed Grillby's hand and saved him, and River was dragged along by mistake.. Frisk CHOSE to follow Jevil, it wasn't his doing at all this time. That's a really cool thing to experiment with!

I'll have to look into this idea, thank you for sharing! And thank you for the complements! AND happy new year to you too! XDD

@the-great-bonkings

XDD For receiving hugs? I'd say he's about a 11/10 sometimes, maybe a 6/10 other times. Its harder to hug him comfortably if you're significantly shorter/smaller than he is. But if ur the right size his hugs will just fix all your problems 🥺

As for giving hugs? It might be about the same. But I can see him giving them out only to people he's really close to. Otherwise a tender yet professional hand on the shoulder seems more his style.

XD And I see the prompt there, perhaps I'll have to draw that sometime!

@tanileaf

YOU LIKE? :DDD THANK YOU! I'M SO GLAD!

Aww shucks 😊 Thank you!

@khoiazo

Whaaaat?? Nooo Its not traumaaa,,🥺 its character development!😇

TRUEEEEE

I do! I'll have to post more about them sometime-- 👀👀

@cudlycorncornsworthcoberson

WAAAA THANK YIOU SO MUCH!!! IM SO GLAD YOUY LIKE MY OCTONAUTS SILLIES 💖💖😭💖

[astra-galaxie]

🧸👻👽 🦾 💔 🎭😺💄😭😶 for russell crane please :)

(i promise to send a lot of sweets if russell starts speaking criminal facts in your ear)

I’m going to have to start charging you interest on your request to put up with Russell’s rambling!😉

And while I eat my candy, enjoy the headcanons!

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood

Russell had some of the strangest obsessions as a child. One of them being obsessed with silent, black-and-white films. Thankfully, they were allowed by the Utopians, so his parents let him watch them occasionally. Russell used to study the characters’ body language to see how they communicated without words. That's why he can easily pick up on people’s emotions just by watching their body language.

👻 A headcanon about what scares them

Letting people get close to him, both physically and non-physical. He doesn't like people touching him without his permission and hates being crowded around. Russell also fears letting people into his life and heart. He’s already been betrayed by people he trusted (aka the Utopians) and is scared of it happening again. Russell believes that if he doesn't let people get too close, it will hurt less when they inevitably betray and leave him.

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of there

Russell hates other people making his tea. No one ever gets it right or remembers how he likes it, no matter how many times he tells them. He will allow only four people in his life to make his tea without complaint and in order: his mother, Amy, his father, and Yann. His mother took her tea similarly to him; Amy paid diligent attention to how he liked it and made it her mission to remember the order; his father used to make Caroline’s tea and would also make Russell’s when he was too small to do it himself; Yann always takes the time to learn people's likes and dislikes, and while it took a couple of tries, he eventually got it right and continues to do so.

🦾 A disability headcanon

He has OCD. Everything has a place, and everything should be in its place when it is not in use. He also has to perform certain tasks in specific orders, or else he’ll need to restart. For example, he has to grab everything he needs in a specific order before he leaves his house. So even if he were to find his keys before his wallet, he wouldn’t grab them until he had his wallet, even if it would save time.

💔 An angsty headcanon

Russell used to collect coins when he was a kid. He stopped collecting them after the Utopian leader deemed no members could have unapproved hobbies, and unfortunately, collecting coins was not one of them. Russell was forced to get rid of or spend the money and was forbidden from collecting them again. After the Utopians were dissolved, he slowly began collecting coins again. Amy’s the only one who knows about the collection, as he’s scared that if others find out, he’ll be forced to get rid of them again. She’s never told anyone and gives him any unique coins she finds to add to his collection.

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about

He was a child actor. Many Utopians pursue careers in acting, and even more put their children into the spotlight. Russell never had any significant roles and usually served as a background character. But there were a few movies where he was a recurring character. Thankfully for him, those movies weren’t very popular, so no one recognized him from them. Someone once questioned him about it, thinking they’d seen him in a movie or show before, but Russell managed to deflect their suspicions by saying he used to do commercials, and that’s probably where they knew him from.

😺 An animal related headcanon

Russell had a pet cat when he was a child. Technically, it was his mother’s cat, which she had owned for years before he was born, but the cat loved Russell as if he were her kitten. Where Russell went, the cat was never far behind. She was his protector, and Caroline took many pictures of the two together. Sadly, the cat died of old age a couple of years before Russell escaped the Utopians. To this day, every time he sees a fluffy white cat, he thinks of his childhood pet and his mother.

💄 An appearance headcanon

Russell is a stickler for cleanliness and good hygiene. While he’s not an overly vain man compared to others in Pacific Bay, Russell is guilty of taking extra care of his hair. He hates having his hair a mess and uses special products to maintain his waves and keep his blond hair looking shiny. Amy always tells him he loves the smell of his shampoo, making Russell smile every time she compliments his hair.

😭 A headcanon about the worst thing that happened to them

When Brad Belinsky kidnaped Russell, he was nearly strangled to death by the hypnotized strongman. When Brad captured him in a headlock, he squeezed Russell’s throat so tightly that he cut off the profiler’s oxygen supply. Russell struggled to get free by hitting Brad’s arm, but his attacks did nothing against the wall of muscle. Thankfully, Brad lightened up after he put a gun to his head, but Russell struggled to breathe until he was rescued. The following day, he woke up to a bruise across his throat, and he covered it with makeup to prevent worrying his teammates.

😶 A random headcanon

He’s lactose intolerant, and that’s one of the main reasons why no one is allowed to make him tea: they use regular milk instead of an alternative. The first time Amy took him to get ice cream, he didn’t know how to tell her he couldn't eat it. Thankfully for his bowels, the shop had lactose-free options, so he was safe. After that, Amy always ensures she takes him to shops with lactose-free options and keeps a tub of his favourite ice cream in her freezer for when he visits.

(Astra looks up from her candy)

Oh, we’ve reached the end of the headcanons? Sorry, I got distracted eating candy!😋

Thanks for the request and candy, my gremlin child!

[underscar]

If you'd be willing to then maybe do Himeno, Makima and Kishibe and how they'd care for their devil hunter s/o (gender neutral pronouns please) after they got injured after a particularly rough devil hunting assignment! :)

TAKING CARE OF DEVIL HUNTER S/O HCS

feats: himeno, kishibe & makima

warnings: no pronouns used

summary: in which they’re dating another devil hunter, and their s/o gets injured while on duty, and how they would care for them afterwards.

MASTERLIST | TAGLIST FORM

authors note: this request is right up my alley. thank you for the request, anon! this is actually my first time writing makima and himeno alone along with writing a head canon (it's been years) so please bare with me.

HIMENO

her dating another devil hunter is probably for the best.

— I can picture Himeno having many failed relationships just because she's a devil hunter. In the world of Chainsaw Man, the occupation is not exactly viewed in a positive light, so normally most civilians would like to avoid devil hunters or devil hunters hoping for a life outside of work would keep it a secret from others.

— Himeno, in my opinion, wouldn't attempt to keep this part of her life hidden and would be open about it.

— It doesn't really matter if you work in the same division or a different one then her; Himeno knows a lot of people in the industry and I can imagine her socializing outside of hers frequently, where she would eventually meets you :)

— I dunno, it just works with you being a devil hunter.

— She doesn't have to worry about you interrogating her extensively or being excessively concerned about her well being as an average person would.

— Simply because you are familiar with her situation. You've walked in her shoes and you don't judge her "recklessness" or "rashness", and that bare minimum means a lot to her. 

— Himeno would also compare you a lot to Aki. Those qualities she loves in you, I think she probably also loved in Aki as well. In addition to the fact that you're a devil hunter, like Aki, I think she would just feel this way generally in a relationship. A rebound if you would. Someone like Aki.

— Although she would never express these thoughts out loud to you, you may notice this with time in your relationship and may cause future complication.

now you getting hurt on duty is a mix and mix.

— A while back, I actually wrote a one-shot about Himeno visiting an acquaintance in the hospital or something? I remember portraying her as being quite calm and casual when she entered the hospital. I think she would act similarly to this with her significant other.

— Hospitals are nothing Himeno is unfamiliar with, and neither should they be to you. Hospital visits are typical, common, and anticipated given the occupations you both have. Along with death always being a possibility.

— Hell, the possibility of dying of a Devil attack as a civilian alone is typical so deaths of devil hunter’s, who actively pursue these spawns from Hell, are even more common.

— When walking into your room she would be calm and no worry on her explicitly face. Serene cause you lived.

— She would torment you and make fun of you until your face flames. Though after her teasing and it's time for you to come home, she'll take care of you, tenderly. Doing your house chores, feeding you, and tending to your wounds. 

— Himeno sort of views these times together as brief dates. Other than passing each other off at work or whatever, you don't spend much time together on actual dates. So, these days of sickness and recuperation are full of fluff.

KISHIBE

him dating a devil hunter is expected.

— I believe that only another devil hunter can really comprehend Kishibe, grasp his thoughts, and truly understand why he is the way he is and why he behaves in the manner in which he does, you know?

— So again, it's expected. If Kishibe is gonna be in a relationship its likely gonna be with another devil hunter.

— This relationships, though, would undoubtedly not develop overnight. It would take some time for you two, colleagues, to choose to part ways from your employment relationship. Maybe a few years as co-workers before taking that step. However in that time it gives more certainty to the both of you of your feelings for one another.

— You grow to learn his mind, and him, yours.

— With you both being devil hunters means you share a few outlooks and habits that civilians may find unusual. Kishibe also considers it's a good thing that you're a devil hunter since you don't nag him about it the way any of his exes did.

now you getting hurt on duty is, also, expected.

— It simply comes with the territory. You didn't die so...

— Both of you are aware of your mortality and the extremely high death rate in your professions. Furthermore, Kishibe is more cognizant of this part of the work. I kind of imagine him being in the game longer then you.

— The majority of the time, you get wounded, and he has to take care of you. Mostly due to Kishibe's stubbornness, which causes him to brush off injuries and not view them as anything that requires your help. Your injuries on the other hand? Yep, you need him to deal with that.

— He is virtually as knowledgeable about treating most of these injuries as a first responder, so that is also incredibly helpful in situations like this too.

— Kishibe uses all of the time he has for your recuperation even though he is sometimes too busy at work to devote his entire day to caring for your injuries.

— Throughout the day, he would call you while he's out to see how you're handing, to make sure you were eating properly, washing your wounds at the proper time, and generally healing without any problems.

— He might not stay with you during your ENTIRE recovery or make it to the hospital before it's time for you to go home, but he will be there that night to help you, and that will be more than enough for the vast majority.

MAKIMA

her dating a devil hunter is “controversial,” technically…

— She would technically be your superior, though. No matter what division you are in, she is practically still in a more advantageous position than you.

— You would think it would spark a controversy, yet nobody actually challenges it. Mostly because no one cared about the devil hunters workplace and because the profession itself is so crooked. Therefore, you dated with no issue.

— You and Makima would not hide the fact that you are in a relationship. In any case, she wouldn't tell you to not tell people about your relationship with her or anything.

— Tell everyone, she doesn't mind, be public about it.

— However, you know better then to be touchy in public.

— That's her only rule. That you can't touch her in public, especially at work or anything like that. She wouldn't want to be viewed in that way in her respected position at hand.

— And you respect her, so you know better then to not.

now you getting hurt on duty is anticipated.

— You aren’t in a position of power and strength like Makima, as I have mentioned before, so she merely anticipated that you would sustain injuries regularly.

— However, it's as if you hurt yourself at the worst times.

— It's always when she doesn't have a moment to spare for you when you need her the most. Makima is a busy woman and a career woman, so when you get injured, it irritates her a little and she makes her desire to persuade you to quit your work and remain at home, but doing so would cause further problems that she is more so unable to deal with.

— She won't be around much while you're recovering. As soon as she learns that you've been injured she may stop by later that day to examine how serious your injuries are and whether you're still alive, but as soon as she's done assessing the issue, she resumes working.

— In place of her visits, gifts and flowers with little notes inside would be given to you practically every day. It was difficult for you to be frustrated over her absence because the letters were so sincerely written and wished you well.

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED

© UNDERSCAR 2023 - All rights are reserved to underscar. Do not repost, copy, change/modify, plagiarize, translate or screenshot my work: this will also include not reposting my writing on other social media platforms and writing platforms.

[amazing-spiderling]

For the character ask game, Scott Summers and/or Kurt Wagner, #7 & #12

<3

7. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Scott: People making jokes about Scott yelling "JEAAAAN :00000" all the time will never not be funny to me. IDK there's just something about people who end up marrying their high school sweethearts that's a little wacky. And as much as I enjoy ragging on the guy, I am glad that the fandom has come around and is appreciating his character development, especially from the last 20 years of comics.

Kurt: I've literally never met an X-Men/comics fan that doesn't like Kurt. Like he may not be their FAVORITE, but he's kinda the unproblematic fave of the fandom, so if you bring him up, the odds of people having something positive to say are pretty high. If anything, I think people are better about criticizing a bad writer or bad production decisions for any wonky characterization, rather than jumping to, "this is why this character sucks" like I've seen them do for other characters in comics.

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

Scott: Wow, my feelings about Scott are kind of a jumble. I haven't read that many comics that focused on him specifically, so I feel like I'm drawing from all of the various media interpretations... I hesitate to make a claim about comics Scott because I'll say something like, "he writes a blog about baking" and someone is going to come in and be like, "X-Factor explicitly stated that he writes about gardening".

Okay, upon a little thought, I do have one. After he was resurrected following whatever the hell was going on between the Inhumans and Mutants in "Death of X", Scott felt REALLY BAD about what happened to my boy Alchemy, and we didn't see it, but offscreen he made sure that Tom was at the front of the line for Mutants to bring back to life on Krakoa. He yelled at Emma about it, too. (That last part probably was elaborated on, but I want to imagine that he was mad about that death in particular, since she used his voice/commanding personality so heavily and ended up getting Alchemy killed without a second thought.)

Kurt: I guess I'm not really sure if this is a headcanon or just like, a gut feeling- but... I don't see Kurt ever settling down, getting married, having kids. Which is kind of a wild thing to say because the man is HUSBAND MATERIAL THROUGH AND THROUGH and Marvel writers who get to take a swing at future versions of the X-Men love giving him a family... but he's always married to some rando who showed up in one (1) forgettable comic from 30 years ago that nobody remembers. It's sort of the problem of having chemistry with everyone, but then maybe not having a "spark" with one person in particular.

My use of the word "spark" here is intentional- as those familiar with his arc during the recent Krakoa era of X-Men comics might have picked up. Kurt creates the idea of a "spark" as a universal concept for Mutants of any/all faiths to embrace, a means to protect the sanctity and respect for the miracle of life. He was one of the few to recognize the need for Mutants to have something outside of themselves to pursue, and it came at no small cost to himself. In fact, he became something of an outsider, observing the community he loved, so that he could better serve them- and that I think is the crux of the issue. His "true love" is not another person, it's the preservation of a dream, and providing hope to all mutants. Even in the alternate world where he married Wanda and they had TJ, the couple lives apart from one another, each a part of their own respective teams because while they loved each other, they realized they could not focus on their duty when they were together. The mission still came first. I don't know that I mean he should join the conventional priesthood (if only because time has shown not enough comics writers are well versed enough in organized religion to write convincing and compelling comic stories about it) but his devotion to the Legionaries was close enough for me.

It's a bit of a double edged sword- I think it's something that makes his character unique, and I could turn this idea over and over in my head endlessly, but it comes at a bit of a cost from a meta perspective. I think part of the reason there's not as much fiction for the poor boy is because he doesn't have really solid canon ship fodder (NightWolves shippers have all my respect, mind you, but somehow it seems to draw a niche crowd?), so he tends to sit in the background like charming blue set dressing. It's okay though, we all still love him.