#...outside of the disability we mean
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We are just now realizing that still being on the short list of kitten fosterers means that we're going to be having to handle weaning five 3-4 week old kittens that need to be fed every few hours while also having university four to six hours a day and honestly, that's not going to be very fun. We'd say "maybe we should have taken on less art challenges this year" but honestly we've been having a great time with the art challenges it's just the 4-6 hours of school that's been rapidly eroding our soul
#we speak#one of them is still feral enough to hiss at us and we've already been overlapping Older Kitten Socialization with our other junk#god. you don't realize how much free time you have until you lose it we guess. this is why we've been unemployed for the past 4 years#...outside of the disability we mean#god. how did we survive this the first time. every time we attend any educational institution we gain so much sympathy for kids and teens#imagine having to go through this shit for eight hours a day AND no one respects your autonomy so you can't even leave#AND a bunch of places have bullshit laws that makes it a legitimate crime for you to not be trapped in a tiny box like this#for eight hours a day#man. yknow sometimes we see kids online being dumb or uneducated or whatever and think that theyre cunts#but then we remember how much of a blatant human rights violation a lot of school is and we're like. man.#sure it would help if any of them actually looked shit up but honestly children are failed by the school system to a massive extent#and it's a miracle that we made it out of our own school experience with as much willingness to learn as we did#because it's genuinely fun to acquire new skills and knowledge and the current school system is set up in such a way#that it literally creates a pathological avoidance to the things and environments that are taught in it#like man we loved math as a kid and then school crushed that out of us with a burning passion#and now we flounder with budgeting. both because of the need to use every single piece of everything and not Waste things from upbringing#and because trying to sit down and actually legitimately budget things is irreversibly associated with math from school#which has of course contributed to our current poor money habits where if we spend money on anything it has to Last#and if it can't Last then it haunts us for the next fifteen years#children should be allowed more leeway online not only because they are still learning how existing Works#but because everyone and their dog is determined to make it impossible for them to pick what they want to do with their bodies and lives#honestly we think it contributes to this current puritanism thing. need permission to do anything. need an authority#these kids arent ever given the chance to be themselves without being told what to do. no wonder they flounder without an authority figure
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"i'm literally never beating the allegations" and then the allegations are that i like skrunkly looking guys
#i'm re-reading my messages in the shit show while watching arcane rn i was so dramatic and for what?#honestly on point for arcane tho#actual quotes from my messages:#'VIKTOR BB BOY OPEN AN EYE AND MY LIFE IS YOURS'#'VIKTOR BB BOY DROP ANOTHER LITERALLY ANYTHING I'M ALREADY YOURS'#'oh damn wait they really made the disabled man an allegory for jesus. oh and he's hot'#'but i mean he was hot to begin with but he's HOT hot'#'heimerdinger dear what the fuck are you on'#'LEAVE HER ALOOOOONNEEEEEE'#'the lesbians are NOT winning this kne boys (gn)'#'every time i try and say that i don't have a type a sopping wet pathetic man pops up and proves me wrong'#'literally cannot beat the allegations this man came on screen and i FOLDED'#<- this one was accompanied with photos of viktor lmao#'and what if i cried? hmm??? what then riot?? will you give me more episodes then??'#anyways can't wait to have more unhinged thoughts about arcane#this show was the first thing i talked to my therapist about outside of an ED just so we know how fucked i get about it#also i forgot jayce's mom was alive????? she's here?????#arcane
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Don't tell my mom but this new puppy loves me the most
#her name is lacey she's a bichon and we brought her home sunday#she's supposed to be support for my mom's disability but she is obsessed w me#im not even trying to make her love me especially. she just does 😖💖💖#if i had to guess she feels protected by me bc she sees me mediate between her and dickens who she is afraid of#dickens is being a very gentle boy w her#which he NEVER is bc he's a big dumb oaf#but yeah the thing is no matter how gentle he is. he's still 42 lbs and she's less than 5 currently#she's never seem a dog larger than another bichon so naturally she's intimidated by his size#he wants to play w her so bad#tales from diana#actually just now kaily and i took them both outside on leashes and i kept her on another side of the yard#and she was watching him (unobserved by him) from a distance and started walking towards him#and gesturing like she wanted to play! so kaily brought him over and they jumped up and down a little#oh it was so wonderful! that was their first time really playing. dickens tried to initiate play once or twice but it scared her#ive tried to get her used to being in the same room as dickens and just nearer and nearer so she's comfy#and she can see that he doesn't mean any harm toward her.#he's a big dumb oaf but he's friendly and he likes you baby girl#again ive never seen dickens so patient and gentle w anything in his life. it's heartwarming#and he finally has another friend which is great. he's obsessed w other dogs
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Hi, thank you for that post about us in the South. As a queer and disabled southerner it means a lot to see another person put it into words but also to get that reminder that we have a community here.
hey, its no problem <3 i promise you we're out there and we aren't going anywhere. it's a scary time for sure, but our communities have been through scary times in the past and we will make it just as previous generations have.
if no one else has your back, i promise you that i do. right now, we need that more than ever.
#seeing all the southerners who have already responded to that post means so much to me too#i want to try and get more into my community when i finally get out of the despair cycle#it will end and we will come out of this holding each other up as we always have#even as terrifying as the idea of outwardly showing myself to be queer is right now#i think its important for those of us who have outside support and places and people to fall back on to continue to stand proud#maybe not right away or maybe not directly around inauguration day but#i will continue to wear my pins and my shirts and i will continue to be loud and proud#to let others know that they aren't alone#sorry im just getting emotional about all of this ;;;;#sincerely your local queer and probably disabled southerner#who has lived in georgia their entire life#askers#anon#shh ac
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a lot of analysis of race / sex (including intersex-ness) / gender / disability &c., both online and in academe, is seriously hampered by a failure to consider how these categories are constructed historically
#'disabled people' or 'intersex people' or what have you used repeatedly as though it's a neutral self-evident category#and as if we should all know what it means and who it includes--#but the broader argument is one that would really benefit from understanding the ideology that goes into#deciding 1. that this category should exist 2. how it should be defined 3. who falls inside and outside of it#like I'm not complaining about people using a convenient shorthand--it's a structural problem with their conception of these things#and even if people acknowledge on some level that these things are constructed--it's much harder to really UNDERSTAND#that fact. and construct your ideas around it.#metablogging
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#will delete this very soon but ough. had to get it off my chest for a second#when i say 'i am housebound because i am disabled and if i try to leave my house (and often while I'm in it) i feel like I'm dying'#it means that no‚ i cannot go to a hotel an hour away. or one a half hour away. i can't go to a restaurant. no i can't walk around the zoo.#i get that you are trying!! i get you want to do something fun with me#!!#but i cannot! leave the house in this state!!!! or i will curl into a ball and vomit and die badly!!!!!!!!!#and changing what we would do outside!!! does not negate the fact!! that you still want to drag my disabled ass outside!!!!!!!#i will gladly have a picnic in the yard with you‚ or do movie night in‚ or any number of things i can do without getting in a car!!!#but i cannot go out shopping at a mall or go to the cinema or anything!!! i just can't!!!!! i have told you i can't!!!!!!#just. oughghhhhhhhhhhhh help meeeeeeeee they just won't listen sometimes.........#vent
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you know when you get those adverts for like protein shake meal replacement bullshit products and people say shit like ‘im just so busy with work i never have the time for breakfast or lunch or dinner or snacks, so this horrible brown powder milkshake is a huge life TIMEsaver!’ and ‘its so convenient! i just swallow a glass of tasteless powder to meet my basic vitamin needs and then i have all the time my employer wants from me!’ and then you have to keep watching the unskippable ad only for the person not to become immediately radicalised by what they were just forced to say. I genuinely cannot fathom how people write these scripts, say them out loud, film these videos, edit them and publish them and nobody involved in that process is going insane. are you even listening? are you reading those words? cant you see the exploitation of workers is forcing you to stop performing even the most necessary of tasks like eating real food? and cant you see we have been so convinced that is normal that there are entire businesses and ad campaigns based on it?
food, actual real good normal food, is a human right, but also part of your culture, your family, your community. Its a source of joy, health, fun, love and creativity. please dont let these fucked up companies convince you its just time that could be better spent slaving away for the rich monsters that hold your contract.
#this is all so dystopian on so many levels#i also want to make clear bc if this ever sees the light of day outside my internet circle#that i am not talking about meal replacements for people who actually need them#if you have a chronic illness/disability or just some other physical condition that means you need to recieve your nutrition through#meal replacements of any kind - this post is not about that situation#this is about capitalism convincing the general public (forgive the phrasing) that people should forgo proper food in order to create more#time for corporations to exploit out of workers#i think (as some recovering (sort of) from an ed) our society has warped the way we view food and nutrition so disgustingly#and not just in the body image ‘health’ obsessed way#but also in this way and im sure many others too#so many foods or meals are marketed as prepare/cooked in x minutes and no prep and super convenient and has daily dose x x and x vitamins#LIKE. WHAT ABOUT TASTE. WHAT ABOUT THE JOY OF COOKING A BIG MEAL WITH YOUR FRIENDS. WHAT ABOUT FAMILY DINNERS.#WHAT ABOUT THE PRIDE YOU FEEL FINALLY GETTING A RECIPE RIGHT#WHAT ABOUT MAKING UR FOOD LOOK CUTE FOR FUN. WHAT ABOUT TEACHING KIDS HOW TO COOK. WHAT ABOUT SHARING FOOD WITH UR NEIGHBOURS.#WHAT ABOUT FAMILY RECIPES AND SECRET INGREDIENTS AND FEELING FULL AND HAPPY.#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME.
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#caique posts#i cannot stress enough that this is a joke#but also it does genuinely feel with the chronic fatigue + adhd combo that we are not going to make it through a-levels without#some kind of (illegal) stimulants#i just hate that i cannot do anything no matter how much i want to do the thing#we’re at our wits end trying not to burn out and our teachers are at their wits end trying to make sure we leave with decent a-level grades#none of them are disabled so they wouldn’t understand#and we haven’t told them about what’s wrong with us because the awful waiting lists and apathetic doctors mean we have no diagnosis to show#we could say ‘hey we barely do anything outside of lessons because by the end of every day we’re too tired to stand up’#but have no medical evidence to show for it because every GP we’ve gone to about it has said ‘there’s nothing i can do to help’#and the adhd waiting list is about 8 years so no chance we’re getting that diagnosis before march#honestly drugs seems like the easiest way through this#vent#tw drugs
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#wow ok so the new nurse practitioner im connected with is uh. The Worst Person#extremely discriminatory#doesnt give a fuck about her patients well being or health#wont do her job properly even when its fucking over said patients#is lazy as shit and tries to get out of doing any work whatsoever even just checking a fax#and has now screwed my healthcare over bc she's going on vacation for 2 weeks and DIDNT INFORM ME even tho i have tests scheduled#and am supposed to start meds that r extremely time sensitive#but now i just. Cannot access them bc she wont prescribe them before she leaves#so uh. ok. we're fuckin Done w this#gonna talk to my support worker tomorrow and explain and ask for a referral outside the program#which suuuucks bc that means said NP would have to do it and im sure she'll put up a fight but uh#ya no sweetie we r done w this#u hate disabled ppl and think my life and health is a joke#u have spent 3 weeks sabotaging any attempts i have made at getting adequate care and access to resources#genuinely and actually Fuck Off And Die#this is. truly infuriating i rly dont have words#like hooo boy if i had to quote some of the shit she's said and done y'all would be shocked#which is rly saying something considering the abysmal state of healthcare in most countries rn#aiyaiyai#Fuck This#i am. so so so done
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That said we have no morals or standards if we get paid enough for something so if you drop us something like $3 on Ko-fi then we are available to hash out details and we will have a go at just about Literally Anything.
#we speak#unless it is by someone we have previously interacted with and thus may consider a friend or something like a valued reviewer/neighbor#in which case we will at least try to have things like standards#because we do not particularly want to have time and money spent on a subpar product#which also means that our Range Of What We Will Do narrows just to things we're confident we can do but. not much to be done abt that#you can hire us for things that are wildly outside of our general stuff and we may not be good at it but we will try#we're currently on a few hundred bucks a month and a lot of that goes into things like food so we do appreciate the extra money#we dislike the “im trans and disabled give me money” things because it really feels like using it as cheap leverage for diversity points#and we don't really feel like being the kind of person that you donate to in order to feel better about yourself#if you're giving us money then it better be for your own damn self-indulgence in whatever you're ordering from us#we should be the sort of frivolous payment that is rightfully considered a questionable financial decision#people are already paying us for being disabled and unemployed. please do not put yourself on the level of the government.#be better. only give us money for the sake of extremely frivolous personal purchases that will temporarily brighten your day.
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#spent most of today's shift sitting because i was with one of the 1.1s but i'm still exhausted imagine#the patient is on the smaller side#so we don't necessarily need the sliding sheet to move her#she's technically a few years younger than me but because of her intellectual disability her perception of the world is more childlike#but sis can put up a fight 😭😭#she kept swinging at me because i wouldn't let her chew her fingers or bite her tambourine#or pull out her feeding tube#and i was like girl i'm doing this to protect u#she can be such a sweetheart usually but was very fighty today#she pulled my locs as well :/#and the other HCA was laughing while she did it alll like omg she's so cute#and i was like girl she's literally yanking my hair rn this isn't cute of funny to me like help pull her hand off my hair or something#they got her a new spine brace tho and she's been using her chair more#which is good because it means she'll be able to go outside soon#not necessarily for long periods but still good#she'll love it
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we went to a nearby plant nursery on my last day off and got just about everything we want to grow this season!! i’m most excited about the strawberries but we also got parsley and two bell pepper plants, one of which grows purple peppers?? i’ve never seen them before! i’m so excited for the first ones to come in :D
adrian is interested in growing flowers so he picked a really lovely bellflower plant and a small pot of alyssums. his mom grows flowers a lot so he’s got some basic experience already, though desert gardening plays by different rules than the midwest. it’s nice to see him all energized to help out, i think it’ll be good for both of us to get some sun and fresh air over the next few months :> if this batch goes well i want to get more vegetables to plant during our fall season!!
#i’m very much a beginner gardener and being disabled means i need a lot of help <:3#but it brings me a lot of joy to be outside and caring for things#it makes mama happy too i think and she won’t be the only one around to help this year which is good!!#i hope addy is ready to do a lot of heavy lifting with the soil when we repot everything LOL#i’ll try to post pics and updates every so often over this season :> mostly for myself but maybe someone out there will like to see it too#moonspeak#luna’s garden adventures#<- new tag for this stuff
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Bleugh gotta go shower before I can lay down to nap but dont have the energy/motivation to get up and do that
#i gotta wash my hair thats why im like ugggggh i cant go another day without washing it and i had my hair down so it's yucky with outside™️#germs which is also why i have to shower in general bc my germaphobic ass will not even sit on my bed without at LEAST changing my#clothes out from my outside™️ clothes#i literally have to lay a beach towel down on my bed before im allowed to sit on my bed sgdggddg usually after work i dont#sit on my bed until i shower but if i have therapy or other phone call i have to sit THERE but i am GRUBBY feeling#ive had many a therapists try to help me with this and uh we managed almost all my most disabling ocd symptoms but my germaphobia is still#prominent (i wipe not only the handle of shopping carts but the top of the sides bc thats where people also grab it so ew and i wipe the#plastic seat flaps bc um accidents happen... diapers get full... ect... anyway i use one for work so... and my dermatilomania#or however you spell that and my trichotillomania but those are bc i dont want to get those fixed sggdgdgd i need the dopamine okay??)#anyways germs. and i wont let mom touch shared food when she comes home until she washes her hands bc gross things like chex mix and chips#and my current dr is like well thats reasonable i guess. i mean you should work on it emotionally but it is a compulsion/fear rooted in#a valid thought especially in the pandemic#marquilla
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Disabled people should be allowed to exist in public. Yes, I mean all disabled people.
That includes people with tic disorders.
That includes people who smell ‘bad’.
That includes people who can’t help being loud.
That includes people who move ‘strangely’.
That includes people with bulky mobility aids.
That includes people who drool.
That includes people who struggle with incontinence.
We all should get to exist, however that looks, and go out in public, use public transport, do activities outside our homes. And we should be allowed to do those things without being glared at or having ableist things said to us.
#disabled#physically disabled#cpunk#cripple punk#cripplepunk#tics#disabled people#disabled people should be allowed to exist#ableism#ableists fuck off
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Used to work at a theater and one of my jobs was going in to the auditoriums and forcing dipshits to get off their phones and/or kick them out if they wont and lemme tell ya, I could always figure out exactly who was on their phone IMMEDIATELY because it's that bright. Big fucking spotlight on your face telling me who I needed to go threaten.
Also you will eventually get kicked out if you do this and refuse to stop. We are under no obligation to make space for you, and if it's a choice between kicking one or two guests out and having a whole theater full of pissed off people who want refunds we are going to pick kicking you out. If you legit cannot sit through a 2 hour film without getting on your phone I won't judge you, I get it I have ADHD, but you need to find a different way to watch movies that allows for your fidgeting without compromising the enjoyment of a hundred other people. This is not a difficult concept. Sometimes you just can't do things. It sucks, but it's just how life works.
ppl are rlly trying to defend being on your phone during a movie in the theater what is going on
#like I do understand that we need to accommodate people as much as we can BUT also#not every activity or experience can reasonably accommodate every single type of person#sometimes you're disabled because of a medical condition outside your control and that means you just can't do something#I'd love to go hiking but there is nothing that will make it safe for me so I don't go out and get stranded on a trail so bad#that I have to get a helicopter to save me just so I can enjoy my hobby because it “needs to be accessible” or whatever#I don't like petition the government to pave every hiking trail so I can take my wheelchair there I simply do not go hiking#and it sucks and I miss it but ya know I have other fun things I can do#like legit idk if people just grew up rich or something but some of y'all really do gotta learn to accept when you can't do something#or can't have something#sometimes you just can't do that and it sucks but that's life#find a way to make it work(like watching movies at home) or just don't participate#you're just gonna have to learn to do that
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Swelter
Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator
A/N: This happened because the SAG Awards made me horny. I have no other explanation for my behavior, no other defence. Maybe that I was listening to ur dad by VIAL. Obviously also a huge thanks to @strang3lov3 for being the cutest love bug I know, and for putting up with my brainstorming sessions.
Summary: You have a crush on Sarah’s father. It is summer, it is hot, and you just want a cold drink.
Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader/you (no y/n)
Tags: +18 smut, best friend’s dad, significant age gap (reader is 19-22, Joel is in his mid-40s), SEXUAL TENSION, bee stings, groping, voyeur to some degree, f masturbation, dirty talk, an endless amount of pet names, sexy play with a soda can, praise kink, car sex, daddy kink, fingering, unprotected piv sex, joel’s cock is huge in this, creampie, premature ejaculation, pussy eating, come eating, squirting
Word count: 6.8k
Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54233479
Swelter
A warm Texas breeze blows through the open window of Sarah’s childhood room, making the see-through pink curtains move elegantly from side to side. It hits your back right underneath your halter neck as you lay on Sarah’s bed, caressing your bare skin and making you think of him. You wonder if his hands would have the same effect on you because you find yourself shivering but not from feeling cold. He is somewhere here, and his daughter doesn’t even know that her best friend obsesses about that fact.
Sarah hasn’t changed her room since she was a teenager. She told you this the first time she brought you here, which is almost a year ago today. You were here last summer too, thrilled to be invited to spend a few weeks of your summer with a friend from college and you and her have been inseparable ever since, even if you are so different from each other.
You have your face in a woman’s magazine, propped up on your elbows so you can suck on a popsicle stick whilst turning the pages. There’s a page with the recipe for ‘The Best Fudgy Chocolate Cake Ever!’ next to a page on how to lose weight, and it makes you snort.
“What?” Sarah turns on her chair, pausing the video on her computer.
“What kinda woman are you? You can choose one, but only one. Don’t get greedy now!” You make a scratchy voice but then pop your ice pop in your mouth to hold up the magazine for her to see.
“Seriously? We can’t win,” she groans dramatically, “Chocolate cake always. I just want to be happy, and that looks like a serotonin boost.”
Suddenly, the door opens without any warning. It’s him. Mr. Miller. You quickly remove the popsicle from your mouth, not about to show him how your lips are stretched around the sugary snack. The open door causes a draft to blow the smell of his cologne your way, and it is intoxicating beyond your imagination because you relish in it in secret.
“Dad,” Sarah says with exasperation, “I thought being an adult earned you the privilege of more privacy.”
“It’s gettin’ colder outside now,” he states and ignores her comment, hand resting on the doorknob, “The Adlers need Mercy to be walked, and the pavement’s coolin’ down.”
“I walked him when I was fourteen,” she furrows her brow and you suppress a snicker, “I’m twenty.”
“Just ‘cause you’re grown, don’t mean you can’t do right by ‘em,” he states matter-of-factly.
“Hi, Mr. Miller,” you say from your spot on the bed as Sarah fumes quietly, absentmindedly reaching to pull the short skirt of your dress down. He can probably see the start of your ass from how it has been riding up as you lay down on the sheets.
“Hiya darlin’,” he replies and you swear you can hear a restrained sound in his voice. He turns to Sarah again, “Get your butt off that chair.”
“Fine,” she follows through on her orders but still wants to argue, probably embarrassed at being ordered around by her father in front of her friend. She gestures to you, “And what about my guest?”
“She’s grown too, which means she can probably entertain herself the half hour you’ll be gone,” he dares wink at you, and blood courses through your veins.
“I’ll just get that assignment done while you’re out,” you reassure and try not to seem like your core is shaking.
“See?” Joel looks triumphant.
“You’d make a hell of a lawyer,” she deadpans at her father and walks past him.
When he closes the door and leaves you alone in the bedroom, you can feel your popsicle having melted, its syrupy water running down your fingers. You switch hands and suck the sticky fingers into your mouth. The action makes Mr. Miller’s image flash in your mind and you press your thighs together before getting up and finding your laptop.
You find that it’s near impossible to concentrate on proofreading your assignment in the tiny bedroom after just five minutes of being alone. It’s not that you can’t concentrate in the Summer heat but no matter what you do, your mind keeps circling back to Joel’s voice as he called you darling. It heats you more than the sun ever could, and with every tap on your keyboard, your mouth gets more and more dry.
Eventually, you push yourself to stand from your seat at the desk and make a decision to go fetch something to drink, and it is definitely not with the intention of accidentally bumping into Sarah’s father. Not even when you do not find Joel in the kitchen and decide to bypass it altogether to continue into the garage in hopes of being successful in your search for a drink (obviously).
This infatuation started last year. It took you about ten seconds - from walking into the kitchen and shaking Joel’s hand - to realize that Sarah was cursed with having him as a father. Firstly, he was outrageously handsome; always wearing washed-out t-shirts that clung to his shoulders, always smiling with teeth, sporting salt-and-pepper curls, and sometimes even shocking you by entering the kitchen with working gloves on. However, when he opened his mouth and spoke, a southern drawl dripped from his lips and made your whole body tense up. He was charming, respectful, and laughed at the right moments. Most importantly, he laughed at every damn attempt that you made at being funny, and while it was probably an attempt to be nice and make you feel at home, it spurred you on terribly to win him over at every opportunity.
Despite all that, those opportunities weren’t many. He was also cool enough to know that his daughter didn’t want him hanging around all the time, and so he spent many days either in the garden to mow the lawn in competition with the rest of the fathers down the street, in the garage to fix up some old truck, or with his brother, Tommy, and Tommy’s wife who always had some DIY-project going on.
Thus, the summer became one of tanning sessions in the garden, movies in Sarah’s room, stolen glances at Joel Miller whenever he came inside to quench his thirst after hard labor, and secret longing whenever he had kept away for too long.
One particular day last year, Sarah had failed to mention that her father would be home most of the last days you were in their house, and because he was always out, you were getting more and more comfortable with walking around in your towels post-showers or leaving the door unlocked when changing.
The particular event had happened in the morning when the house had been silent except for the kitchen where Sarah was preparing breakfast, using a large box of pancake mix and the whole fruit section of the local grocery store for topping. You had just showered, standing with your head in your suitcase to search for the last few pieces of clothing you had that were clean when there was a rap on the door and a pull of the handle not even a second later.
“Sarah, I need—“
You whipped around at the sound of a new voice entering the room. Your heart nearly burst out of your chest, feeling as though it was fighting its way out between your ribs as embarrassment began to flood your system. Even so, you stood too frozen to reach for something to cover yourself up.
Joel was in the doorway and dead silent, looking as if struck by lightning. Like earlier today, his hand had been resting on the doorknob and in the painfully short moment that the both of you were processing the situation, you saw that his grip tightened enough to whiten his knuckles.
And then it happened, the thing that had soaked you in forbidden desire and delicious excitement; his gaze had flickered down your body and taken you in for the briefest of seconds. His gaze had traveled from the hard peaks of your nipples to the shape of your hips and the softness of your young cunt.
“Fuck,” you heard him utter as he remembered himself and his self-awareness made you finally grab the top you were going to be wearing that day to cover up your quivering body. He slammed the door shut and spoke through it, “Christ, ’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
“It’s okay, Mr. Miller,” you promised but he was already gone. You immediately locked the door afterward to come so hard with two fingers on your clit that you had to hold onto the chair by the desk.
God, you want him to look at you like that again, want to tell him it is all for him. Now, as wrong as you know it is, you find yourself searching for an excuse to get him to ogle you and the chances are higher if he actually spends time with you.
“Hi, Mr. Miller,” you announce yourself as you enter the garage through the door in the kitchen. Joel has his head inside the hood of his truck, leaning over to inspect something that you wouldn’t understand anything about anyway. He grips the front side of the engine room to push himself to stand, closes the top of the hood of his truck, and turns around to face you.
“Hey kiddo,” he returns with a smile, “How many times do I gotta say to ya that it’s just Joel?”
“Alright, Mr. Miller,” you tease, “—I mean, Just Joel.”
You hear him laugh softly but you don’t dare look at him, afraid that you’ll spontaneously combust. He goes to the utility sink to wash his hands, saying nothing more and making you feel insane for coming apart in the silence.
“I’m just getting something to drink,” you explain when it becomes too much, “Sarah’s room is boiling hot.”
“That’s fine, take what you’d like,” he replies, and there’s a kind teasing in his voice. “But don’t touch the orange sodas. Those are mine.”
The concrete floor of the garage is cold on your bare feet as you pad across the floor where an old bottom-freezer refrigerator stands in the corner, humming in the otherwise quiet room. It has seen better days, and it seems like Sarah has tried to cheer up its weathered appearance by covering it in stickers and ugly magnets.
“Now I have to get one of those,” you giggle and pull the door open, scanning the contents and noticing that the sodas are on the bottom shelf. You hesitate for just a second, and then you choose to bend over instead of crouching down. Behind you, Joel Miller is completely silent.
In the beginning, it hadn’t been your intention to let the crush fester in your brain and turn it into something more but last week, during dinner out on the terrace, you had accidentally sat down on a bee and gotten stung on the back of your thigh. The cry you had let out had nearly made Joel tip over the table to get to you, his chair falling backward as he got up from his seat.
“Fuck! Ow ow ow!” You cried and hobbled around on the grass. The pain was unbearable but the shock only seemed to make it worse.
“Sarah, please get some ice and some antihistamines. There should be a bottle on my nightstand,” Joel ordered quickly and she rushed inside. He walked toward you, grabbing at your shoulders to ground you but his touch only heightened all other sensations. He dug his thumbs into you and your head swam, “Sweetheart, ‘tis just a bee, shh, calm down. I need to remove the stinger. Lemme see ya.”
“It really fucking hurts, Mr. Miller,” you said with a whine as he guided you to one of the loungers that Sarah and you had dragged out from the shed earlier that week.
“I know,” he finally let go of you so you could think just a bit more clearly, “Lemme take a look. Lie down on your front.”
You followed orders with the realization of how much you trusted his judgment, that he would treat you right, moving carefully because the flex of your thigh muscle was making the pain worse. The wooden lounger burned slightly against the front of your thighs, and you pressed your cheek into its slats while screwing your eyes shut.
The wood creaked behind you as he knelt on it with one knee and suddenly, his broad hand was perched on the top of your thigh in an attempt to keep your skin taut. You sucked in a breath but he only mistook it for more pain.
“It’s alright, sweetheart. I can see it,” his breath was slightly quicker but you didn’t want to jump to conclusions, “He really got ya right on your inner thigh. Hold on.”
Your eyes shot open when his thumb ran towards the innermost part of the back of your thigh, a sort of panicked arousal spiking from your chest and thighs. He paused for a second then murmured something, a swear word that you tried to take as frustration. There was a beat but then he cleared his throat, “Can you bend your leg a little? I wanna make sure that I get it on the first try.”
“How?” You asked stupidly. The image of how he would be looming over your backside made your heartbeat go down between your legs, “My dress’ll ride up.”
“Just bend the knee a little, pull it towards your chest,” he explained and cleared his throat once more, “On my life, I won’t look.”
So you did as he told you, and sure enough, your dress betrayed you by crawling slowly up to sit around your hip instead of the middle part of your thigh. You looked back at him when he started picking at the stinger with his nails, and you hoped that he would not notice your gawking at his concentrated expression.
A flash of the day he had barged in on you naked flashed in your mind because his eyes were so focused on not staring at you that you nearly whimpered when you saw his eyes flicker to the spot of dampness between your legs for no more than a second.
You had worn white cotton panties that day so they would not be seen through your dress. They were straining against your pussy in this position and all he had to do was reach out, and he’d find your clit poking against the fabric from how excited you were feeling.
He had had the perfect outline of your cunt, and it’s the same now as you bend over to get to the very bottom of the fridge, reaching for a cold drink that just happens to be his favorite. You know that he can see everything, and the worst is that you know he already has. Twice. The mere thought is so dirty that your heart starts pounding in your chest and sends heat through your already hot body, so you hurry to stretch to your full height again.
With a cocky grin that is mostly put on to hide your anxious excitement about what you have just done, you turn to face Joel and walk to stand in front of him and his car. His cologne fills your nostrils again, and the scent seems once again to have a direct line to your cunt because you have never felt more empty. In front of you, Joel’s jaw is clenched but other than that, he seems a lot more calm and composed than you.
That is until you jump onto the hood of the car and scoot back, letting your bare feet dangle out over the edge. You crack open the soda in your hand and take a sip that is a little longer than intended. The satisfying burn of the fizz grounds you in the warm climate, but it is even more heavenly as you tuck the skirt of your dress between your thighs so you can place the cold can there.
Joel shakes his head with a sigh but you know he is playing a game as much as you because he cannot help but crack a smile back at you, “You’re trouble, I knew it the second Sarah brought ya into my house.”
“Oh, whatever will I do?” You ask dramatically and lean back against the windshield.
“Go morally bankrupt?” He raises a brow. If only he knew what is going through your mind. You catch him looking at you in the fashion that you have craved when you sigh deeply and cause your chest to push out.
“Only that?” You take another sip and some of the contents spill down your chin in a thick, sticky trail due to the angle you’re sitting in. You reach up to wipe it away with your index finger and then dare to suck your finger clean with the intention of mimicking the way that you had licked it clean earlier when it had been coated in melted popsicle.
“Give it here,” he says. You lock eyes with him. However, your eyes widen slightly when he nods at the can and takes it from between your thighs. There’s electricity shooting through your nerves the second his fingers touch the fabric of your dress but they intensify to a dizzying degree when he takes a sip of the soda too.
Like a reflex, the sight of him drinking from the can that’s been nestled between your thighs makes your legs fall out to the sides. You’re worse than an obedient dog in your horniness, reacting the same way to the way he moves as it would to the sound of a bell ringing.
Your dress rides up slowly along your thighs, revealing your sweaty skin that feels sticky by now and Joel clears his throat after briefly looking down. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and when you realize the effect it has on the poor man, you grab the hem and pull upwards, “It’s so hot outside today. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to the heat here in Texas.”
“C’mon, sweetheart,” he says and his face has got a pinker tint, pulse visible on the side of his neck. With his free hand, he grabs one of your knees and starts nudging your legs together again. He yanks your skirt down, “I know I’m always teasin’ ya but you can’t be doing this.”
“Jesus Christ, Joel,” you say with exasperation and move your legs out again, “It’s just very hot… and it’s not like you haven’t had a peek.”
“Hey now,” he leans forward to place the can of soda on the roof of the truck, “That ain’t a fair accusation.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything,” you reply, chewing on your bottom lip, “But you’re not denying it.”
“Don’t tryna make me look like the pervert here,” he scolds, taking a step towards you and causing your stomach to do somersaults, “I noticed the way you went real quiet when my hands were on you.”
“What do you mean?” You furrow your brows in confusion, “Your hands were never on m–”
“Did that bee sting really hurt that much?” He clarifies. Oh, you think whilst he smirks with triumph. Something has switched in the air surrounding you, the atmosphere has become more daring, “Yeah, I saw her; your pussy wet f’me.”
It’s true. If you think about it too much, you can still feel your heartbeat in the places where he touched you, and the pulse is rapid and overwhelming. You can’t imagine what it'll be like if he touches you underneath your dress, even if it’s simply on the outside of your panties. The thought has your underwear starting to dampen, the fabric starting to stick to you, and make you painfully aware of the wetness between your legs.
“Did ya touch yourself after?” His eyes have darkened slightly. His pupils are dilating with desire for your answer, and you nod hesitantly, overwhelmed by the need to tell him everything.
“During my shower that you told me to take,” you confess and hear him make a sound low in his throat at the mental image, “I couldn’t stop myself— I wanted you so badly. The thought of you inside me...”
This is a crossroad, you realize, you’ve said your deepest secret of depravity. On one hand, you can bolt out the door or you can make a move to show him what you really came down here for. The latter is risky but Joel is so goddamn decent that you know that if he doesn’t want this - which you doubt is the case at this point - he’ll gently reject you and never mention it again if it means that his daughter will continue having a best friend.
However, as your mind races with scenarios of what could or could not happen in this moment, Joel pulls you back into reality as his hand, cold from gripping the can, rests on your knee again but this time, it doesn’t try to make you decent like before. Instead, it slides up under your skirt in such a slow motion that you find yourself holding your breath.
“Is this what’ll quiet down that mind of yours?” He asks in a low voice, eyes flickering from your face to down between your legs and back again, “If I take a peek more to get it outta our system?”
“What are you doing?” You ask as if you do not know. It’s your turn to be scandalized by bluntness, and you find yourself gripping his arm but not hard enough to signal that you do not want him to continue. You hope that he realizes that this is not you rejecting his advances.
“I ain’t doing nothin’ that you haven’t already silently begged me to do. Perhaps sometimes - and God help me, I will probably regret it - you just needa follow your instincts when a pretty girl like you has been sendin’ me heart eyes all week,” he almost sounds annoyed with you, and to stop yourself from being scolded, your hand loosens its grip on him until you remove it altogether. He smiles, “Good girl.”
“You shouldn’t—“ you feel a rush of blood to your head, adrenaline kicking in as your thoughts circle around the repercussions that this can bring. In all honesty, you had only walked in here to have Joel’s eyes on you but now, you are getting more than you bargained for and it is making you so turned on that your mind is clear and foggy at the same time. Boldly, you sit up on the car’s hood so you can reach for the buckle of Joel’s belt, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“You’re damn right we shouldn’t be doin’ this,” he agrees immediately but doesn’t stop. His warm and rough palms skim further up your thighs until they settle by your hips, his thumbs teasing the elastic band of your panties. He starts to drag them down, the fabric nearly snapping in two when you barely register that you have to lift your ass to help him.
His fingers unintentionally caress your calves as he slides the underwear down to eventually pull them off your ankles and feet. The sensation makes your body wake up even more, a gush of wetness smearing your inner thighs and you know that you have to pull your dress up soon if you don’t want it stained.
In front of you, Joel reads your mind. He shoves the hem of your dress up as far as he can without a word with desperation in his trembling hands, and you move to let him bunch it up around your waist so he has a full view of what waits - and for long has waited - for him.
When your cunt is revealed to him, he groans like he is in pain at the sight of the slick shining on your soft youthful skin. You can see how hard he is in his jeans, cock straining against the zipper at the front of them.
He looks like he wants to touch but hesitates. The first sign of his inner conflict. You remember that he did say just a peek as if there’s an unspoken agreement that he is not to cross the line of touching what he shouldn’t want to have. It would definitely be a nuclear decision if he chooses to do it anyway. It makes you want it even more, and another gush spills from your glistening slit when you clench from excitement.
Joel swears under his breath, something that sounds like fuck it and it sets it in stone; he is going to ruin you for eternity right here on his car. He steps closer until your spread knees bump into his sides, and without saying anything you move to yank his jeans and briefs down, settling them around his hips with a soft gasp as you take in the sight of his fully hard cock. He is huge. So huge that your mouth starts salivating like you’ve already been fucked stupid and your walls try to clamp down on nothing. It’ll hurt. You want it to if it means that you won’t doubt if it ever happened tomorrow.
“Tell me you want this too,” he seeks your reassurance.
“So fucking badly, Mr. Miller— Joel,” you say without any hint of second-guessing in your voice. You scoot further forward on the car and lean back so he has better access, trying your best to be elegant in your messy state, “Please, want you in me.”
“Jeez, honey,” his breath shakes, “Already so eager. I haven’t even felt if she’s ready f’me.”
With one hand gripping your left thigh, he uses two fingers on his right hand to slide through your wet folds and you don’t think you have ever been this turned on for anyone; when he flips his palm upwards and shoves two fingers inside of you, you feel more arousal drip from your cunt and pool in his hand. The longing you have felt since you saw him for the first time finds somewhere to empty all its desire and desperation into, and you whine like you’re in a state of agony.
“Shhh…” he soothes and curls his digits inside of you until you think you might start crying, squelching cunt trying to pull him further into you as he fingers you lazily. Your gaze drops to how his cock twitches whilst standing in the air, “You’re grippin’ me so good, doll, can’t wait to fuck this pussy. Don’t cry like that. Be patient.”
“Please, I’m so—“ your palms are flat on the hood of the car, your mouth hangs open in ecstasy and you stare down at where his ring- and middle finger disappears repeatedly into you, “It’s yours, please.”
“I know it’s mine, don’t gotta say it, I know,” he coos at each of your whimpers, gets you worked up until you are just on the brink of coming, and then he moves quickly. He pulls his fingers out of you, smears his cock with what you’ve soaked his whole palm with, and leans over your gasping frame to nudge at your quivering hole.
When he finally enters you, the both of you gasp in unison. He struggles with it for a moment, rubbing the skin just below your belly button to make you relax because he is so much bigger than you had first anticipated, and such a tight fit that you think he might split you in two.
“Goddamn, you are tight,” he says through gritted teeth, “Feels fuckin’ amazin’.”
“Ah,” you feel like letting yourself turn into a drooling mess already, pulsating around him from the way your body struggles to take him, “Joel, I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, honey,” he encourages, showing no signs of pulling out of you to free you from the burn of his girth. He growls low in his throat as you struggle with it, and you know it’s because your walls are clenching around him as you involuntarily move, “Stay still, let her get used to it.”
“It hurts,” you whine, sliding slightly on the metal underneath your ass. He presses his hips forward even further and causes you to whimper but in doing so, he holds you firmly in place by using his strong frame.
“I know but ya just gotta relax,” he goes on. He places one hand flat on the hood of the car and then places the other right on your hip, thumb going inwards to find your clit. It pulses under his finger, trying to find out whether to find the pain delicious or not.
When his thumb starts going in circles on you, your thigh muscles start to twitch and flex from burning desire instead of uncomfortable pain. He presses down a little to stroke your sensitive nub with even more determination and smiles at his success when a moan slips from your mouth, “That’s it, honey. Just enjoy this until you’re creamin’ on me, and then I can fuck her real good.”
Your walls start to flutter a few seconds after the first new round of pleasurable sounds leave you, and the more his finger moves on you, the easier it gets to take him because the pain turns into nothing more than a dull ache in the background of ecstasy. He has you breathing faster and faster, and in return, he starts moving his thumb up and down to make his touches more direct.
God, your clit is hardening underneath his torment. He stares at what he is doing, an occasional grunt leaving him from how you involuntarily squeeze his length, and you know that he can sense it, suddenly smirking to himself as you near your climax. He admires the sight of you, eyes glued to the way the hood of your clit has drawn back, “Babydoll, look at that. Such a pretty pussy, clit peekin’ out and all. Does she wanna come on my cock?”
“Please, yes, oh please,” you nod repeatedly, mouth hanging open in an o-shape and breaths coming out in small puffs. Your climax is within reach, and Joel looks concentrated as he more than willingly hands it over to you whilst buried deep inside of you. The concentration on his face is probably from keeping himself from spilling inside of you too soon, but God, he looks gorgeous as he determinedly strokes your cunt.
“Yes, yes, yesyesyes— oh God, I’m… fuck, I’m coming!” You shake with pleasure as he causes your pussy to spasm, your hands barely able to find out what to do and making you grab at both the metal underneath you with one hand and his wrist with the other. Your eyes are squeezed shut but you do not doubt that he is staring at you in awe as you come so hard that reality fades.
“Good girl,” he rasps, voice unsteady and hand hitting the hood of the car as the feeling becomes overwhelming, “Oh sweetheart, you’re choking my dick so g—“
He swears quietly and then loudly, and suddenly, his cool demeanor crumbles because he is spilling his load inside of you with a pathetic and strained grunt. His hips stutter slightly and warmth spreads slowly inside of you, mixing with your own arousal.
You look down to where the two of you are connected, feeling fucked out despite not even having had the chance to feel him move inside of you. His come has started to spill from you already, dripping obscenely from your cunt.
“Fuck,” you hear Joel say above you. He slips out of you and leaves you gaping and mewling for a second, starting to take a step back. You catch him with your legs before he is too far away, and he reluctantly steps close to you again. He looks embarrassed but gives you a smile to hide it, “Felt too good, honey. This pussy’s makin’ me all sweet on you.”
“I’m that irresistible?” You grin in your post-orgasmic haze, not really giving a crap about the lack of a proper fuck from how much dopamine is coursing through your veins.
Joel takes hold of your thighs as they are wrapped around your body and lifts them off of himself, “You’re makin’ an old bastard like me weak in the knees, so maybe. Hah! Comin’ too soon like a goddamn teenager.”
“I liked it,” you admit without hesitation, still basking in the sweet afterglow, “Made me feel sexy and powerful.”
He scoffs but can’t fight the smile on his face, “Now now, don’t get cocky on me. Crawl back a little, spread ya legs f’me.”
You giggle and do as you are told, presenting yourself to him on the hood of his car. You plant your bare feet on the metal, lay back against the windshield, and smile.
“Now look at that,” he tuts as he admires his work; white ropes of come dripping down from your slit and onto the surface beneath you. He lays both hands flat on the car and leans forward, and before you know it, his mouth is covering your whole cunt and he eats from you like he’s paid to do it.
“Jesus,” you groan, throwing your head back and grabbing onto the roof of the car with one hand whilst the other finds Joel’s hair. You tug and he moans against you, sending vibrations through your whole lower body and beginning the first stirrings of another high. You don’t think that you can take it, squirming just like you had done moments earlier.
Joel makes a sound of disapproval. He scoops his arms under your thighs until he can lay his hands on top of them, holding you tightly against his mouth and causing you to cry towards the ceiling when he makes your second orgasm approach so quickly that nothing in your brain makes sense except what he is doing between your legs.
The hand on the roof of his car goes to his head too. You slide your fingers on both hands through his hair until they lay at the back of his neck, and then you yank once more at the curls there. His tongue works at your clit, swiping back and forth over it until you think that you might see God.
However, it doesn’t stay there. Instead, it is replaced by his nose so that he can eat his own spill straight from you by dipping his tongue hungrily inside of you.
“Joel— holy fuck, you’re incredible,” you close your eyes to concentrate on your pleasure. Who knew that the man could fuck with his tongue? He is warm and wet inside of you, slurping pornographically until you are clean of any remains of his come.
You are just about to finish a second time when he halts whatever he is doing. He pulls back only a few inches so you can still feel his uneven breaths against your cunt.
“No! Please,” your eyes fly open, you cry desperately, and throw your head forward dramatically. You want to thrash but he still has your legs locked in his arms, so you decide to pull out the big guns and hope for the best, “Please, Daddy! Pleasepleaseplea—“
“What the fuck did you just say t’me?” He looks up at you but you are too busy screwing your eyes shut in agony whilst whining for more. He growls and releases one of your legs, “I was already gonna make you a happy young lady but now, I’m gonna make you come so hard your little brain goes dumb. See how it feels. Impatient girl.”
His hand goes between your legs. He turns his palm upwards and then shoves two thick fingers inside of your pussy like earlier, curling them slightly and then pumping them so quickly that blood starts speeding through your system a second after and your heart rate goes so fast that you know that you are just about to come.
“Joel, oh my— fuck!” You whimper.
“Wrong word,” he replies.
You correct yourself immediately because there’s no way he is stopping again to chastise you once more, “Daddy, oh I— mhmm, I’m gonna come for you. Don’t stop, please, please Daddy, pleasepleaseplea—!”
He responds just how you had liked: He closes his mouth around your swollen clit and sucks hard, finally severing all connection to your brain and you come so hard that you actually squeal. Joel groans against you, feeling you squeeze the digits he has buried deep inside you. He draws back his fingers, pressing upwards the whole way.
Clear liquid squirts from you the second he pulls them out. The gushes that follow are so intense that the leg he isn’t holding anymore shakes so violently that the metal rattles under you, the car staining with your come. He repeats the move again and again, over and over, and watches the steady trickle down the hood and onto the concrete floor that turns a dark gray.
Euphoria courses through your being as you come in a way that you have never felt before. Your limbs tingle as warmth spreads out from beneath your belly button, your cunt pulses with eager pleasure, and you sob through the waves that crash over you without giving you time to recover from the last. The whole room feels brighter and its colors more vibrant.
“Shh, baby, let it happen, feels so good, don’t it? That’s it,” Joel coos at you the whole way through, guides you through it when you barely know how to use your words. He has straightened to his full height again but you don’t know when, and he has slowed his fingers down to tease out a few aftershocks. You whimper feebly at each one, and when Joel seems satisfied with what he has drawn out of you, he covers your whole mound with his palm to soothe the feeling of overstimulation that settles.
“Soundproof,” he mutters, once again reading your mind when you come to your senses again and start thinking about your noise levels with furrowed brows and eyes flitting from him to the garage door. Your heartbeat has started to slow again, and the relief of knowing no one has been able to hear you makes you slump against the windshield and breathe deeply.
The remnants of your orgasm have made you smile, your body slipping into a deep state of satisfaction when the anxieties have been dispelled. Joel moves his hand up your lower body until it settles between your breasts, still covered by your dress. He caresses your heaving chest, looking at you boyishly for the first time, “You good? Didn’t cause any brain damage, did I?”
“You think this truck has ever seen action like that before?” You joke breathlessly.
“Probably ain’t the first time I disappointed a gorgeous lady in its presence,” he says with an apologetic smile, “Sorry ‘bout that.”
“Disappointed? You’re insane,” you stretch your arms above your head to get some of the last bits of euphoria out of your body, trying to ignore the way he has just called you a gorgeous lady. He probably means nothing by it. As your stretch peaks, you moan gently, “I came two times. Hard. I’m not complaining.”
“Just saying that I woulda liked to do it… properly, I guess,” he talks as he stuffs himself back into his underwear and pants, most likely trying to feel the least uncomfortable about mentioning his overexcitement. Automatically, he steps back when you jump off the car to adjust your dress.
“This doesn’t have to be a one-time thing,” you try to act casual as you say it but there’s no way you are accepting the best sex of your life to be a thing you will never have again, reducing it to a movie merely playing behind your eyelids as a cruel reminder of what is unattainable.
“And when would we have time for that?” He asks, zipping up his jeans. He wipes his hands on them, “We can’t, honey.”
“We just did,” you mumble, picking up your underwear from the floor. You turn the panties in your hands, just about to bend down to put them on before deciding against it. Boldly, you stand in front of him and stuff your sticky underwear into his front pocket; closest to his crotch. There are extra pairs in your bag in Sarah’s room. He can have these.
He looks down briefly and then finds your eyes. His jaw clenches as he weighs his words, “When?”
“Aren’t you driving me to the airport on Sunday?” You smile and kiss his cheek, and then you leave him, your soda in hand and a mess on the floor.
.
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