#...... but they were SO dumb for this. so incompetent

[vanillarosekiss]

♡ p!link ♡

i could so see simon doing this as he fucks you…

warnings: smut, lack of foreplay (smh simon), breeding kink, simon being a little rough and relentless but super sweet to you throughout! (Is this really gross i cannot tell??)

There were times where Simon and you would make love to each other - sweet and soft and oh so heavenly, it was almost ethereal. And there were times where you fucked with so much anger or passionate frustration that you felt dirty, but it was sort of exhilarating when you did.

This time, Simon had come home from a long day of shouting orders at incompetent subordinates and dealing with unruly new recruits, and he wasn't in any good mood. You could tell because of how tense he'd been all evening, even when you curled up next to him on the sofa after you'd both eaten. That was new for him, he would usually be all over you, showering you with kisses or sweet compliments, asking how your day had been.

Knowing how he was, you decided to try cheering him up by going to your bedroom and putting on a cute lingerie set, his favourite. All lacy and pink and delicate - the complete opposite of what he was. He liked how different you were, it separated his work from his home. But he was undeniably frustrated that particular evening, not saying so much as a "s'pretty" before ripping it off you, thread snapping and lace breaking apart in strings of blush.

"Simon! I really liked that set." you said, pouting your lips as he gently pushed you flat on your back onto the bed.

"I'll buy you another one, baby." he reassured you, undoing his belt and unzipping his trousers. You laid back, watching him as he did this, not scared but cautious of how rough he'd be if he was frustrated from work.

He didn't bother prepping you at all like he usually did, just making you squirm by rubbing his tip against your core and up to your clit until you were soaked enough to let him in. Without any hesitation, he pushed into you, all the way, making you arch your back and moan in a mix of pain and pleasure. His thrusts were uncomfortable at first; you tried to readjust your position but he held you down so you couldn't move around at all. He eased off a little when the tears started to roll down your cheeks, more out of ecstasy than pain now, as he drilled into you.

The sounds you were making were borderline pornographic, and so were the repetitive sounds of his hips meeting the plush of your ass. He pushed your thighs down towards your chest to angle better into your hole, hitting a spot deep in you that made you whine and close your eyes.

"Pretty little angel. Look how good you are at taking me yeah?" He cooed to you as he grabbed your hair and lifted your head up, forcing you to watch as his cock slid in and out of you with ease. You moaned at the erotic sight, being fucked too dumb for words.

"So tight for me baby." He grunted a little, changing up his pace and keeping your head held up.

"Gonna fill you up until you're a gorgeous leaking mess." Simon could feel you tightening around him as he said this, going deeper into you with each thrust now. You were a whining, whimpering mess by the time he had finished in you, breathless and hot. He made you watch as he pulled out, his cum erupting from inside you and dripping down onto the tip of his cock, before he pushed it back into you.

"M'sorry if I was too hard on you sweets." He apologised and kissed you lovingly on your forehead.

"Just too pretty and soft f'me. Need to keep you nice and fucked out all the time hmm?"

Tag list: @punkkture @soapisgod @slut-lmao @sebastianstans-slut @ilikeoldmen @g1rlfa1lure0 @queenoflaflames @tmartin0918 @kkloubee @goldie-221 @patricksoulmate @writingandsins @mxnee777 @caro-line19  @decaffeinateddelusionbread @poohkie90 @lovidovii @xoxoxoaspen @i-ship-stony-and-superfamily @simonrileysdarling

[harrowscore]

still baffled that one popular anti-dany argument pre s8 was that since she was wearing black she leaning toward the Dark Side™...... as if in the same series another unambigously heroic protagonist didn't enlist into the night's guard where everyone must wear black, and the series' author wasn't explicitly against this kind of stereotypical tropes lmao

[bumblingbabooshka]

Stonn/T'Pring

[petrichorvoices]

we have been having really poor self esteem and frankly just a poor mental state lately and i don't know how to even approach it like. okay. we got out of those house, we came back home, we're back at university. we should be doing better. but we're not, we're just not. we're using substances to a greater degree than we ever have before, we're pathetically lonely, our self esteem is a flimsy roller coaster. i just feel stuck because we can't tell ourself anymore "just wait until the fall, it'll be fine in the fall" because the fall has come and we are doing badly

[stupid-2012tmnt-pics]

yeah c’mon guys keep it pg 13

[thewinchestah]

I kinda stayed gone’d myself at the show jumping ring today not gonna lie.

[bibiana112]

I too wish that the medical hack that made me grow up in a purgatory like state of existence would rot in prison Akane was so real for this

[alyona11]

I think the funniest thing in tlou finale discourse is people's wish to either view the character's actions as 100% good and their antagonist's 100% bad because if we all agree that the same action can be both absolutely understandable but morally grey at the same time the universe will collapse.

[deus-ex-mona]

tmw you give someone concise instructions but they ✨just do not get it✨

[guinevereslancelot]

currently hating and killing myself for leaving work early even tho i literally threw up within a minute of walking in the door when i got home

[mrstsung]

If people could stop making my faves and f/o blorbo supreme stupid ooc or incompetent for plot. Canon and fanfics alike.

That would be appreciated.

[treespen]

Personally I don't like the whole "actually Dracula is incompetent and dumb lol" meme because it's both untrue and it also undermines anyone that makes a breakthrough against him. Mina especially. Imagine if everyone was calling Moriarty dumb just because he failed in the end, it'd immediately be making Sherlock Holmes look way less of a genius.

Plus, making a wolf scare the owner of the house to death so he can get inside it actually worked. That is the opposite of incompetence. The only reason why they figured out that Dracula was behind this one was because Mina had the insight to search every newspaper with a date after the day Lucy's mother died, and she made the connection through finding an article about a wolf escape, and combining it with Jonathan's journal's information about Dracula controlling wolves. Van Helsing and the others in London were in the dark about there being a specific killer, without Mina's detective work. Dracula would have absolutely gotten away with it without her.

[neo-nomatrix]

(My) Nuisance

Hobie brown x reader

word count: 964

find the rest of the mini series here

synopsis: You thought you hated Hobie, but for some reason you’re starting to like him just as much as you like Spiderman.

a/n: (maybe too much) british slang used

You hate your next door neighbor. No, no you loathe your next door neighbor. You think he is the worst person to possibly exist. His stupid flat decorations, his loud punk-rock music blasting at unruly hours, the way he would come back to his flat at 4 am stomping his boots yelling with his friends about their latest anarchist protest. But you hate nothing more than the way he looks at you.

Everytime you try yelling at him he opens his door with the cheekiest grin on his face. While you’re standing there fuming he’s leaning against the door panel looking you up and down. The worst part is how much he tries to smooth talk you.

“I already told you how annoying your music is, no one wants to hear that at 3 am alright? Some of us have work in the morning,” you complain, smoke practically coming out of your ears.

“Oh c’mon love it’s not that bad. Don’t have to be such a tosser ‘bout it. It messes up that pretty face of yours,” he says.

“Are you daft? You’re the one keeping everyone up at night with your dumb guitar,” you roll your eyes.

“It’s not that big a deal sweetheart. Y’know i'm starting to think you’re making up rubbish just so you can talk to me more. I’ll admit it’s pretty cute but you could just ask me out,” he leans closer to your flushed face.

“I don’t fancy you if that’s what you mean,” you scoff.

“Not saying that. I’m saying if you wanna snog me so bad you could just say so,” he shrugs.

You could burst out laughing. Kiss him? That’s fucking hilarious.

“You’re joking right? i’d rather die.”

“I don’t believe in comedy, love,” he says.

“Of course you don’t,” you mumble as you storm off back to your door.

You’ve decided he is the worst person ever. He doesn’t deserve your efforts and time.

You set your keys down and fall into bed as you hear amp feedback and the sounds of Hobie strumming his guitar. You can’t help but roll your eyes. How could someone be so incompetent?

You reach your hand over to where the bed and the wall meet to grab your Spiderman plush. You hate to admit it because it’s kind of dumb but you’ve always loved spiderman. Ever since you were a little kid you collected posters, figures, pins, and merchandise having to do with the superhero. Even now, your walls are decorated in spiderman posters, you own spiderman clothing, and even printed your keys to have a blue and red spider web on them.

There was something so nostalgic to the vigilante and his style that you had to adorn your room with touches of blue and red. You thought spiderman was the embodiment of “cool.” From his suit to the way he acted around criminals to the electric guitar on his back. Sure, a guitar was the main thing you hated about Hobie but Spiderman did it better. He made it work in the way Hobie dreams of.

You wake up to the loudest knock on your front door you’ve ever heard. You immediately know it’s him. You try to ignore the blaring pounding coming from your door but it keeps going. You force yourself to get up and answer the door. You hope you can open it, yell at him, then go back to bed.

To your dismay the second you open the door Hobie places his hand on the top of the wood, stopping you from moving it anywhere else.

“What do you want this early?” you groan.

“It’s like 9 am, love. But anyway-” He cuts himself off before finishing his sentence. You’re too groggy to notice that he’s staring inside of your flat. His eyes search the walls and decor in front of him.

“So, I take it you like Spiderman?” He laughs.

“That’s none of your business,” you sigh, crossing your arms.

He pushes his way inside of your flat, moving around like he’s looking for buried treasure. He picks up memorabilia and smiles at them. He holds up a Spider-Punk figurine and turns towards you.

“Spider-Punk huh?”

“Don’t touch my stuff! You know this is technically breaking and entering,” you scold him, taking the figure out of his hand.

He puts his hands in his pockets and just smirks at you. That stupid smirk, displaying half of his teeth and perfectly showing his lip ring.

“What do you want from me, Hobie?” you question after placing the figure back on its stand.

“Jus- Just wanted to apologize for last night,” he starts.

“You mean this morning? We talked at 1 am, remember?” You say, passive aggressively.

“Right, whatever. You’re… You’re right,” he exhaled, “I shouldn’t be blasting my music that early. It’s inconsiderate and rude to the people in my vicinity,” he breathes.

In the time you’ve known him you don’t think you’ve ever heard him say sorry. You’re taken aback, did he really apologize? And did he sound genuinely sorry?

“Oh, oh uhm thanks,” you sat, still skeptical a camera crew would come out laughing saying this whole thing was a prank.

“I wanted to see if you maybe wanted to come to my show tonight? We could get dinner after or whatever you want,” He scratches the back of his neck, he’s nervous.

“I’d like that, I guess,” you reluctantly say.

“Wicked. Uhm, i’ll be leaving then. Sorry again,” he says. Shooting finger guns at you and making his way out the door.

You smile, maybe, just maybe, Hobies getting to you. As he’s leaving you could swear you see some blue and red material with spikes on it slipping out of his pocket.

[stonerfromlesbos]

You asked for it. | b.e

warnings: angst kinda?, smut, strap usage (r! receiving), angry sex, orgasm denial, pet names (baby, honey, darling, babydoll), spanking, degrading, hair pulling, !dom billie, !sub reader, toxic and mean billie, reader is desperate and dumb, they basically fuck the problem away, and lastly… THE BELT.

summary: you knew just what u were doing, walking like that, talking like that, looking like that to someone who wasn’t her… but you know, she will make you pay for it.

— 11pm, grammy’s after party. —

You felt her eyes burning on you, at each move you made, smirk you gave, and she clearly wasn’t happy about it.

You thought it would be an great revenge, you were mad at her, she wasn’t being herself lately. The work, the pressure, everything made her forget about you. And it only got worse, you felt invisible, unattractive, worthless.

So you decided to make her pay, but at what cost? well, that didn’t matter anymore. You would do anything to make her look at you, even if she’s burning in jealosy.

“i could take you to my house today… what do you think about that?… hey?..” you just was too focused on looking at billie, desperate for her attention. But suddenly, she gets up, and start walking towards you and… maybe julie? jade? jane? you couldn’t care less about what was the girls name.

“shes with me, come on, we have things to do.” billie spoke, with an cold raspy voice. She couldn’t even look at your eyes, she didn’t even grab your arm, her look on you made you feel gross… but you still knew, she had asked for it.

— 11:45pm, a lot of places actually —

You two entered her dodge challenger, she didn’t open the door for you, it looked almost like she was avoiding to be close to you. You kept your head down the whole drive, and she was quiet, deadly quiet. You couldn’t take anymore.

“don’t act like im the only asshole here.” you said finally looking at her, as she entered the garage. Her gaze was finally on you, her look was angry, sharp, possessive. You didn’t know how to feel about it, you’re glad that she was finally looking at you, but.. you’re still afraid of what she was going to say.

“well, you’re the only whore.” her voice was harsh, you took a deep breath and replied.

“don’t blame me for your incompetence.” you said in the same tone as her, even angrier. She was getting really pissed by this.

“excuse me?! what the fuck you just said?!” she wasn’t believing what she heard.

“its not my fault you didn’t even try to make me cum lately.” you stared deep at her eyes, as you saw the look of confusion? angriness? you couldn’t tell anymore.

“you fucking asked for it.” she got off the drivers seat, opening your door and dragging you inside by the arm. She was pissed, but still being careful to not to hurt you in anyway.

You couldn’t tell when you had took all of your clothes off, you just remember being pressed against the kitchen counter with billie tearing apart your fancy dress that she bought you. She made you turn your back to her, as you felt the pressure of her strap on your ass.

“why did you had to be so bratty today, baby? i know you can feel it… i was going to give you what you want, even more…” she spoke on your ear, as she continues to tear apart your dress.

“please.” that whine just escaped out of your dirty mind.. as you felt her hands grabbing your hips harshly, making you arch your back with the light pain.

“now you are begging huh? aren’t you the little slut who was flirting with some weirdo in front of me?” she spoke as you kept quiet, her grip on your hips was getting really harsh.

“bend over.” she said making you bend over the kitchen counter, as she took off her new belt from her hit me hard and soft merch… you could see her adjusting the belt on her hand, as you were with your full body exposed to her. You felt one, two, three smacks on your ass… still holding back every single moan.

“do you think that she could fuck you like me? huh? do you really thing she could treat you like the dirty slut you are?” you just shut your eyes and tried to make your mouth as closed as possible, and she didn’t liked that. She grabbed a fist of your hair, smacking your ass with the belt even harder as she pulled your head back.

“answer me.” she said with an low and raspy voice that made you shiver, since you were in this position, you couldn’t hold back anymore… you just let out an moan when she smacked your ass.

“mhm… n-no, no one can… please bills.” you said as she put your head down again, as she continues to smack your ass, harder and harder until she was done spaking you. It hurt, but it hurt so fucking good. She carried you in her arms to your room, placing you carefully on the bed.

“im gonna give you what you want now, darling.. face down, ass up.” she spoke in a demanding way, you did what she asked you to, she just pushed your underwear to the side to reveal that sticky wetness.

“i think you like being spanked a little…” she spoke, pausing to press her thumb against your clit as she smirked “…too much.”

“y-you’re fucking mean bill-..” you were harshly interruped with another slap on your alrealy bruised area, making you moan again.

“i don’t remember allowing you to speak, honey.” she said as her pace on your clit got faster, but she suddenly stopped.. as she unzipped her jeans.

She placed the strap on your entrance lubricating itself with your own liquids. She got in slowly to make you get used to it, but it was too big to be that easy. You grabbed the bed sheets almost as if your life depends on it.

“its only half way in, babydoll.. sure you can take all of it?” she said getting worried with you.

“yes.. i can.. please fill me up.” that was the only thing she wanted to hear, when you realized, she was already fucking your brains out.

She was pounding you harshly, you could swear that the whole fucking world could hear how loud you were moaning, but you couldn’t help it. Billie was pulling your hair as she hit your g spot, again, and again, and again… She had skilled fingers, and you knew that better than anyone. Without a warning, she begin to play with your clit like it was a fucking toy while she was making a mess out of your poor cunt.

“im c-close.” you said as you holded into the bed sheets once again, feeling your orgarsm coming… but she stopped touching you, she pulled out her strap as you whimpered.

“do you think you really deserve to come after all you did? come on.” she smirked, as you were compleatly at her mercy

“you asked for it.”

— GUYSS, thats my first oneshot here… english its not my mother language and im sorry if theres some grammar or spelling mistakes in this, hope you guys liked itt… horny freaks.

[bonbonly]

bon's thoughts (18+) a/n: i needed to make this into a thought im sorry

carlos had 20 minutes before he had to head to the race, which he figured was enough time. he was scrolling through his phone, looking at texts between himself and charles when they were talking about a certain sky sports commentator that really didn't know how to keep her mouth shut. new to the job, she said when she first introduced herself during a fun challenge orchestrated by the team. she's desperate, charles whispered to carlos, desperate to fit in and be well received.

just before quali, she had stated that if there was any true winner here it had to be charles. carlos made too many mistakes. he was what was holding the team back. wouldn't be surprised if he crashed again. he's just incompetent.

and that's how you found yourself, the sky sports journalist herself, on your knees, tears streaming down your face as carlos buries his cock further into your throat. your nose pressed against his pubic hair, gagging uncontrollably as drool seeped from the corners of your mouth, right onto his race shoes.

"lick it off," carlos scoffs, letting his cock thrust into your mouth one last time before pulling out, snapping his fingers and pointing at the tops of his race shoes. you stare at him with glossy eyes, still trying to come down from the fact that your throat was abused to his liking but you obediently lean down, tongue dragging over his shoe to get rid of all your drool. you glance up to see him stroking his cock, his pace fast and when you open your mouth to say that you're done, he merely grabs hold of your jaw, cheeks squished together as he plasters his cum all over your face, right onto your glasses. so much for trying to be smart, you just looked like another dumb whore for him.

"write more shit like this, puta," he grimaces, stuffing his cock back under his race suit, "and i'll fuck your ass next."

you bite your lip as he walks out of his driver's room, hoping he'd keep his promise.

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

what about Valentino, Vox and maybe Stolas when their card declines on a date,yk those couple of gut wrenching awkward seconds before their s/o nervously offers to pay. Thank you in advance if you take this up <3

Wait, what?!

Valentino

"I'm sorry sir, your card declined."

Val sat there for several moments, mind taking a minute as he'd never actually heard those words in that order directed at him.

Turning away from you, he'd stare at the server, the feline demon patiently standing there.

Val sat there for another minute, comprehending the utter fucking audacity of a bitch.

"Your fucking with me right?"

He asked, genuinely giving her a chance to back peddle.

When she just kept standing there, Val jumped to his feet, scowl flaring crossing his features.

"Bitch, I dont need a fucking card, I own the fucking building!" He screamed at her, the girl stumbling back.

He'd go off, snarling at the girl for disrupting your date night, and for something so fucking stupid.

By the end of his rant the restaurant owner had come out, trying to mediate the situation.

He'd chewing him out, asking what kind of incompetent shitheads he hired.

As he did, you'd approach, placing a hand on him. He'd spin around, prepared to snarl at someone, but quickly backed down, shoulders slumping.

You'd take his hand in your own, leading him back to your table, sitting down.

You'd sit in silence for a little while, the restaurant popping up with some 'Complementary Desserts', the two of you eating in silence before he sighed, taking your hand into his.

"I'm sorry for blowing up like that in front of you." He spoke softly.

He was always sure to keep a certain image for you. He did a lot of bad things, far more then even you knew about, as such he did his best to keep a certain image in your eyes.

And loosing his cool and screaming at some girl wasn't helping said Image.

You sighed, smiling as you squeezed his hand.

"It's alright, I'd probably lose my cool too if my employees asked me something like that."

Val chuckled at that, leaning in to kiss your hand.

"I could apologise to her if you'd like?" He asked softly.

To which you'd laugh, scoffing as you waved him off. "Please, as if. That dumb bitch asked you for a credit card in your own club."

At that Val broke into laughter, getting up and stantching you up, kissing you deeply as he carried you out of the restaurant, the two of you only kissing deeper as you left the restaurant, your kissing only getting more heated as you made it to your Limo.

Vox

The night had been set up so perfectly.

He'd gotten a reservation at an extremely classy joint, but not too classy. He wanted it to be like 'yeah, I've got a shit tone of money, but we can still talk without people glaring at us'. That kinda fancy.

So there you were, at the end of an incredible meal, the two of you dining on some very tasty deserts when Vox had given his card, a Luxury very few in Hell had, to pay for your meal.

And as the server came back, the man expecting to be given his card back, instead the server leaned in, speaking those simple words.

"I'm sorry sir, your card was declined."

The Television headed Demon froze, screen glitching as he processed what the actual Hell they'd just said.

Vox turned to the server, staring at them for several moments before he got up, grabbing the server before getting up, and spinning them around, growling at him what the fuck he meant.

He fucking dragged the server away, getting the fucking manager, the two having an exceptionally unsubtle screaming match in the kitchen at the insult to him, Vox, fucking King Teck of Hell, having his fucking card brought back.

After some apologetic words from the manager and getting your meal comped, he'd return.

He'd act as though nothing happened, the man acting all cool and composed, while you just went along with it, finishing your deserts.

And despite the incident, you'd go on to have a lovely night, the man taking you back to his place where you ended the night on a spectacular note.

You had tea, and suggled on a couch and just shared some wholesome intimacy.

Stolas

The night was going incredibly.

You'd been enjoying your meal, talking and laughing, telling stories and jokes, it felt like the science block of a highschool, cause you had chemistry.

The night was going so well, that he was barely aware when he paid the bill, the man in the middle of a hilarious story when the server came back.

"Your card was declined."

He spoke bluntly, with no tact whatsoever.

Stolas froze, head snapping up at him, a frown quickly crossing his face as he stared at the server, the man simply staring back, hand extended, clearly expecting payment.

And so, without missing a beat, Stolas raised his hand, still with a frown, he'd wave his hand, a portal about the size of a dinner plate appearing besides him, before he simply reached in, before pulling out a sack, dropping it before him, the sack opening to reveal a small stack of golden coins.

Pulling out a few he dropped them into there servers hand, telling him bluntly.

"For the bill. No tip."

The server, grumbling to himself, turned and left, the man growling all the way.

Clearing his throat, he'd adjust his attire before turning back to you, finishing his story.

You'd go on to have another desert, Stolas paying with gold, expecting full change.

Which he'd get, with a saide of stink eye from the man.

After the desert and another glass of wine, you'd head back to his, and after another bottle of wine, you'd end up sleeping together.

No, not sex. You'd curl up on one of Stolas' more comfortable couches, the big owl man holding you close, the events of the night long gone from your mind as you slept the night away, comfy and happy in his embrace.