#..... maybe i will get to the point one day where i dont need to be physically dragged into new stores.
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I hate how sad this is :(((( poor baby
Like he finally retires, spends a month or two just resting because he thinks he now has the time to rest before figuring out what he wants to do with himself now
But as those two months go by, he can feel himself getting weaker and weaker until he cannot deny what is happening.
Maybe one day he tries to get up but can't, maybe ravio hears a thud and has to go pick him back up and put him back to bed. Maybe legend slowly gets bedridden and weaker by the day.
Or maybe he knows about it in lu, and has been hiding it. Sure there is fighting but recently on their adventure its been really relaxed. He can feel himself weakening but then it starts to become more obvious. Then when he becomes too weak to move much, and they understand what is happening, they do their best to make him as comfortable as he can be, and do the best they can even if he is sleeping on the forest floor in the cold, they all give him their bedrolls and blankets and make sure he gets everything he needs. (Its a situation where they can't do anything, not even give him somewhere comfortable to stay. They are completely helpless)
Time wonders why it must end like this, why legend must go so young, how he didn't deserved this fate after all he has done
I would really want to see a bonding moment between legend and time, between warriors and especially between ravio, and i would want to see how legend himself is thinking, what is going on in his mind, what exactly the pain he is in feels like, if he is okay with this or not or something in between. (I honestly dont think he would be blaming any godesses either. If he does blame something, i think he is wize enough to know that it is the evil in the world's fault)
Eventually a portal appears and takes them to legend and ravio's doorstep. At this point maybe legend is a lot weaker perhaps already bedridden at this point, but he still has quite a bit of time, enough time for ravio to learn what is going on and (barely) come to terms with it. Long enough for the two to spend some time with each other. And like the one i wrote above, both ravio and the chain are forced to watch as their brother suffers until his end. In the end, Ravio is at his side, holding his hand.
I hate myself for thinking and am gonna cry. I am sad now
The most evil thing to do to the poor guy
Fanfic prompt: People often portray Legend as carrying scars from his adventures or having chronic pain
But rather than the usual battlefield death all by himself
It would be beyond cruel to let him simply retire but because of the injuries he has collected over time he ends up dying a short while after retirement
Like he ends up making it surviving anything the world throws at him
Just
To not make it because the cost of everything ended up costing him too much
If he knows about it it gets even more tragic
Honestly a linked universe except Legend is hyper aware that he is dying a slow and miserable death
He hopes he could maybe meet Marin at and apologize for everything when it happens and tell Everyone he still has left that he loves them personally
While the other links don’t know …
And being the idiot he is he hides it from everyone
Just a thought people…
#i do a little fanfic#i do a little reblog#😭😭😭#lu legend#evil prompt makes me think things#ravioli#at least i see them as in a relationship#it would be so sad :(
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last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.
#she said it like a law. its just momentum.#also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together#and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn#they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th#UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there#and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe#ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in#death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is#unwarranted#anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday#they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭#but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but#alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually#OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW#i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident#....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant
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i wrote a really small thing related to this post! I've been getting back into OIs so i came up with this arranged marriage scenario in a Victorian setting for Asmo and MC and have been chewing on it for the past several days lol I think I'm gonna come up with more stuff for this later but I just wanted to post this for now φ(゜▽゜*)♪
The weather was nice out today so you decided to go for a walk around the estate garden and rest in a somewhat secluded spot. Unfortunately, someone had managed to find you. How did the two of you keep running into each other in place so vast?
"Sooo….." Asmodeus leans into your space to look at the pages of you book. "What are you reading?"
"…A book."
"…Well yea, but what is the book about?"
You hold back your sigh and answer instead. "It's just about something I took interest in recently…"
Asmo stares at you for a moment. "You know, I'm starting to realize something about you."
"You are?"
"Uh huh," he nods. "At first, I thought you were a cagey person, but you're just really socially awkward you know? You kind of remind me of one of my brothers."
You close your book without making note of the page you were on. "I'm going back inside. Goodbye."
"Wait, I didn't mean it in a bad way!"
You sigh. "Are you sure? Cause you've been pretty rude to me several times before. So I'm having a hard time believing that."
Asmodeus makes a face. "It was an observation?"
"Okay. Can you just…let me read please?" The request came out harsher than you intended but maybe you were feeling a little defensive.
So what if you were "awkward". You weren't expecting to talk to anyone when you came out here.
Asmodeus huffs and leans back on his hands. But he doesn't leave…. for some reason. Maybe he was bored?
You flip through your book trying to find what page you were on.
"Page seventy six."
You look over at Asmo who has already busied himself with inspecting his nails.
"Thanks."
#shout out to that one person who said they were interested#i was like...does anyone see my vision#does anyone care about this cause im daydreaming about this for the next couple days until i get bored lol#obey me asmodeus#obey me asmodeus x mc#obey me asmodeus x reader#obey me nightbringer#but yea super short#tried to not reread through it too much#idk why i love these types of manhwas so much#they just do it for me u know#the set up hits all the boxes for me when it comes to romance ig#if asmo had a last name what would it be#like him and his brothers need last names#for this#cause if im referring to their family i need to by last name#anyways...idk if its gonna get to that point#where im making last names for everyone lol#i do know that diavolo is emperor#easiest part about this au#and then of course the brothers are the next most powerful ppl (i think...) i dont really wanna make them kings tbh so...#maybe grand duke??#then i think mcs family is one step under or two steps??#hMMMM#whatever dont worry about this edhjiuwdj
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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doodle dump
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp agent#lobotomy corp oc#pretty sure i have more i missed. just doodling since i cant get myself to make more than bare minimum effort rn#ocs as well so i dont need to think abt how to properly portray another. considering i literally made them up#personality wise anyways. took some creative liberties when it comes to actual gear and random generated agents anyways#maybe ill actually ramble abt them on the sideblog. Eden and Eliza mirrors to one another and picking specific aspects of humanity to cling#to. Eden deciding the subconscious and concepts of humanity brought to life is more ideal that humans themself. the more one loves of human#ity the less one begins to love of humans. Eliza becoming subservient and wanting to activly love humans and her kin even when they hold no#love for her in turn. Both needing to be rewarded or feel rewarded for their dedication. Idealizing each side. the idea of everyone is capa#ble of good and thus should be forgiven and unquestionable love and loyalty. Eden viewing people as senselessly killing oneanother in furth#er elaborate ways and rejects the idea of people all together and finds solance in the Concept than the Living#Angelina and Ryn with how one views time and survival. One hyperfocused on surviving of the current day and neglecting their own very self-#and desires while the other only looks towards the future and idealizes to the point where they dont even see the today. delusion to claw#through reality. Safety team w Brook Eliza Evgeni and Katya is a little harder to explain but the main concept with them as a Group being a#a jab at the happy workplace family that gets along. nuh uh#i guess another idea that is weaved into them is 'survival' and how one sees they can be fit to live or find a meaning to live. and the con#tradictions that arise from anothers perspective and how people 'ought to live'. a clash of either accepting or denying anothers way of#how one should survive. and the projection of a way to live. of 'i view this to be right and thus i will have you do this thing' saving an#aspect or person that they can see themself in to then essentally save themself.#will i be able to handle such ideas with finesse? likely not i dont have faith in myself to properly encapsulate such topics to a perfect#enough degree but it is interesting to explore
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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broooo i just saw a clip of kamala harris talking about palestine in i think the cnn interview tonight.... godddd fuck this country fr though 💀 just wowwwww our institutions. breathtakingly evil yk. every time it's just. man.
#this isnt in a dont vote way i feel i need to state that now#voting isnt a choice of morals rn. that paradox is really getting yall lately. even multiple spectrums#harris isnt moral. trump even less so lmao. voting for president isnt a moral question#it is a practical one#we do not have a moral choice rn. and why? bc that is how it was designed#maybe one day we will#anyways#this country as an entity is ammoral.#and that is a very long term conversation#and voting is A NEVESSITY#refusing to vote doesnt wash your hands lmao please#voting is a necessity.#id lovento reach a point where voting is moral
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im not brave enough to wear it myself yet so I'll just put this idea out there for free:
drag outfit (i guess?) leather codpiece. with a horrible little Scrunched Up Face on it. Like this?
but its a codpiece instead of a fanny pack?
#toy pic post#undescribed#outfits#selfies#the fanny pack likes to gravitate to the front and hang out there and then theres a little scrunched up face staring out from my crotch#which i feel like would be pretty fun if done on purpose. but i have not yet reached the point in my life where id wear a codpiece. so#if i ever do clown/jester drag tho. feels like Big Potential#aroace fashion. to me#anyway i love grichels#also Im Sure Someone Has Already Done This. im aware its probably not the most original idea in the universe. i just dont think ive seen it#so far#also: is that 2 juggling balls in each pocket or. yes its 2 juggling balls in each pocket. i love coquetryclothing#for all my clowning needs#the vest and. red pant things (what the fuck are those called?) are moresca clothing#the poofy sleeved romper and big pants are coquetryclothing#and they have nic bg pockets and you can get custom ones picked from their fabric options. and theyre synthetic material but feel well made#and comfy. pretty breathable. i feel confident i could wear it outside on a warm summer day. maybe not Hottest summer day.#if i could make any changes tho id make little fabric pockets in the shoulders and make the foam pads that make the shoulders poofy#Removable to make it easier to throw in the machine. cos it says hand wash and i Get It. but also. god i despise hand washing. i dont want#to!!!!!!!!! maybe if i ever learn how to sew i will do that. add little pockets and make the foam things removable
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Hira's year in medical review:
Me, August 2023: *experiencing extreme fatigue, fainting spells, mood swings, sudden and drastic increase of suicidal thoughts, and intense hair loss*
P.A: let's do blood work
Me: ok!
Bloodwork: *normal except for prolactin*
Doctor: sometimes that's a fluke so let's retest
Me: ok
Bloodwork: *exactly the same*
Doctor: your values are higher than normal range, but not high enough to be in range for a pituitary gland tumor.
(P.A: go see an endocrinologist and get an MRI, that might be indicative of a pituitary gland tumor.) <- bless this person and only this person in particular
Endocrinologist, seen earliest available which was January 2024: *wants to retest blood work instead of ordering an MRI*
Me: ... ok
Bloodwork: *the same*
Me: can we please do an MRI now?
Endocrinologist: Well. Your values are above the normal limit, but it's highly unlikely that's it's a pituitary gland tumor because they are not high enough for that. Let's retest blood work in four months.
Me: ...................... ok
Bloodwork, May 2024: *THE SAME*
Endocrinologist: hmm, I recommend an MRI
Me: *gesturing angrily*
MRI, June 2024: 🎉 pituitary gland tumor 🎉
Doctor, when I went in for something else: I doubt your endocrinologist will want to treat that, we typically don't treat adenomas that small
Endocrinologist, who took 3 weeks to review my results: I recommend just monitoring. It's highly unlikely that this is causing your symptoms, it's too small for that.
Me, July 2024:
#like im sorry but 'highly unlikely' =/= 'impossible'#sure it might be rare but like thats not a reason not to check it out???#idk wtf is with this resistance to treat it#like SO WHAT if in the majority of people a microadenoma of that size doesnt cause symptoms?? all individuals are different#like y'all didnt even think i had one because it was atypical presentation so maybe that's the case with my symptoms too#what would it hurt to do meds for it?#if i do meds to shrink it and my symptoms resolve; great!#if i do meds and my symptoms dont resolve? thats also great! it means we've ruled one thing out#and can continue exploring why THE FUCK my body is acting the way it is#why wouldn't you want to rule things out if you can?????#the healthcare in this country is so fucking broken#its been almost a year since i went in for my symptoms and still no resolution#ive lost about 2/3 of my hair at this point. ill probably have to chop it off if it keeps going like this#not even gonna talk about the fatigue#nor gonna talk about my sis's current experience where an untreated infection (not for lack of her trying to get it treated!)#is potentially now developing into something more serious. like kidney stuff. 🙃#(and they apparently have no record of the labs she submitted 🙃🙃 so she's gotta go do it all over again otherwise they wont give her meds)#it's okay. its just nausea to the point she hasn't really eaten in days and constant pain and dizziness. difficulty standing#but its fine right lmao#ughhh#dont mind me im just frustrated beyond everything and need to yell into my little corner of the void#withoutwords
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so fucking upset. i looked up what's considered concerning weight loss and got a statistic. i looked up the same question but specified teens and i got a bunch of articles about how to lose weight. what the fuck
#tw weight loss#? idk if that tags necessary but better safe than sorry#past this point there is discussion of ARFID and stuff#LMFAO also ive had a medium to mild case of ARFID my entire life and no one noticed past concern for my pickiness#i say medium to mild because ive gotten better recently#i even ate half a bowl of the noodles i dont like the other day. AND they had been touched by shrimp & cabbage juice & soft peanuts#i mean i did drown them in soy sauce first and got nauseous thinking about it the rest of the day. but progress#i mean. im the type of person to skip a meal or barely eat because i dont like the food available or its too loud where i am#my adhd impacts it too like sometimes ill forget to eat or wont be able to make anything that day#but like goddamn. a growing child should be gaining weight. 'we should keep an eye on that' every single time and then no action#you know maybe thats part of why my body hurts sometimes and feels weird and shaky other times#its hard to tell based on how bony i am or whatever because i also naturally am a string bean and im not. like. starving myself#i get the same comments about how i should eat more and how im so skinny when im healthy and when im not#or i used to. people are generally less intrusive now that im older#gosh i need to flex my metaphorical brain muscles more i put way too much thought into the wording of this
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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I've seen the mha leaks and honestly I'm at the point where I don't even want to read this chapter or the finale
What's the point of having such good villain characters and a theme of saving people when this is how their stories will end?
I was gonna try and stick it out to the end but this is all feeling so hollow at this point, it's just making me upset
#legitimately not having fun reading this jjk or csm#what's the point of having favorite characters if they're just going to get killed off to cause other characters a couple chapters of pain#i need some better mangas to read lmao#I'm also 2 chapters behind in BSD because I saw a spoiler and i dont wanna read that happening#but also my /fav/ character is doing just fine according to the anime so lmao#hanako is just pain from the beginning because my favorite character has BEEN dead but they keep trying to kill him off more!!#I'm going back to sailor moon 🏃🏼♂️#'oh I'll just watch rwby thats a comfort series' **THINKS ABT VOL 9 ENDING**#fandom ranting#is this slightly my fault because i invest myself in series where characters are walking death flags from day one maybe#but man I'm so sad when it happens
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.
#hhhhhh reread the flashback chapter i wrote w d/dirk and just hooh boy i love it so much ugh#im tempted to post it on its own but i want to save that bomb of a scene for the middle of the larger fic its in#just ughhhhhhh i love everything about how i wrote d#im going nuts bc i have been working on it since like december? ish? but the past couple months have been hell for me personally#fuck like i remember going thru an entire calendar of movie release dates for that historical year and found the perfect spot#to where it accounts for historical events and events in canon and has its own special date and how the release of the movie...#...effects how d managed to make it a success and just#fuck man i researched the hell out of that and only had to put one anachronism to grease a moment in it#like#this fic is so big for me and i am so scared that i wont finish it bc i have so many things planned out for it and so many ...#...annotations i keep adding to modify things i wrote earlier in it (which is why im not publishing any of it yet)#i want to share it w the world so fucking badly but i keep getting amazing ideas to weave in from an earlier point i already wrote#cries lol#ughhh this is why im so tempted to post the flashback as a standalone chapter/separate posting#but#i wrote it to match a scene from both the previous and next chapter so i dont wanna ruin that either#fucking writers block man ahhhh wish my life wasnt shit rn bc i need to finish it#tag edit: i used the wrong spelling of affects earlier lol#but yeah ughhhh so frustrated w life rn i have such bigger problems going on rn but#rereading my fave chapter kinda just made my day at least lmao#personal#vent#kinda i guess#delete later / /#maybe idk lol#ShitPost.exe#like this wip is over 33k words and its probably not even halfway done in terms of event points i want to happen in it lmao fml#all bc i wanted to make one punchline happen which happened a long time ago before i wanted to write all that backstory into the fic
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okay yeah maybe i want him whatevr
#⚠️#ive made up my mind#watch me retract this in like 5 days#like i want to put him in his place#like i need him to know hes really not that important#like girl you dont need to blow up gotham and rebuild it what are you doing#and the church thing too?? fuck off no one cares about you but you. and maybe ecco but thats different#i need to insult him#i need to make him mad#i need to piss him off so fucking bad to the point where he obsesses over me cause he hates me so much and wants me dead#but then it gets kinda gay yknow?#idk man
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i cannot be judged to give an accurate review of wisdom teeth extraction surgery because i was going to be panicked anyway, right? i'm not as sensitive to anesthesia as i wish i were, and oral pain has been some of the most intense pain i've ever experienced in my life (these experiences are common in natural redheads), and i was super anxious and unwilling to do this anyway. but. BUT. one thing i can say about that particular office that did mine this morning is. i have a particular allergy to a specific medication i was prescribed once via intravenous injection when i was 9. it gave me hives. i discontinued usage of it after a couple weeks. whenever i have to fill out any medical paper work since 2008 i have known the name of this medication and been prompt with informing correctly about it. and it is not a painkiller. but. they didn't tell me this after my paperwork, or during my consultation appointment, only AFTER i started crying half-consciously during the surgery when i was aware of my teeth being pulled and instruments being moved around in my mouth. only after the surgery did they tell my mom "yeah we didn't give her the painkiller because of her allergy to (specific medication)" and like. that's not really fun
#i'm still in pain but this morning during and immediately after the surgery i was awful#it was every bit as nightmarish as i feared the experience was going to be#i was aware; everything was just black. i could hear and feel everything i just couldn't move#i was moaning almost certainly bc i heard one of the ppl say 'aw why are you crying?'#i dont know if i actually said 'stop' allowed at any point but i was thinking it multiple times#the whole damn evening and early morning leading up to that i just kept thinking fuck it ive gotta get out of here#tales from diana#technically i didnt NEED my wisdom teeth removed like all that badly. they weren't in danger of rupturing#i think the biggest danger mentioned was one of my back lower wisdom teeth was sat particularly on a nerve#that could've led to loss of feeling in my lower lip#like the teeth were fully developed and everything and that was really all that i could've had as a concern#so i kept feeling like 'i dont even fucking need this why are they doing this to me'#i was very unreasonable to kaily when i got home since i had been crying like crazy. ive apologized profusely to her#she was like 'youre all messed up from the anesthesia' yeah maybe so#i also remember feeling like the things that the oral surgeons were saying were mocking/belittling to me but they probably weren't#like i was not in a situation where i could be consoled for what was about to happen.#eventually i took ibuprofen when i got home (a really large amount) and went back to sleep but i was surprised i could do that#what a horrible morning. and i didnthave the best day yesterday either#at least i never have to do that again
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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