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i jsut wanted to draw Xelqua calling kid Grian(Evo ?) his flea !!!!!!
#in french its ma puce and its usually used towards kids i think . ive only heard it towards kids phphp#its a cute nickname. bc. hes stuck to him ! kids that like to be carried... flea !!#my art#xelqua#sketching#me drawing xelqua and kid grian is only for me. i'm not willing to make it make sense. (it can't anyway)#i think i got it out my system tho. jus needed one final thing AUGH#im getting too nervous abt ppl being weird to continue enjoying the au#need to get Back On Track im just indulging#kidxelqua
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my new OC: cempaka!
she is based on the story/universe that my friend @haydardotjpg's OCs indra and yuwei exist in! pls go checkout haydar's art he is amazing!! his ocs can be found more easily on his ig but if you're lazy this is his oc indra (cempaka's one-sided love interest) and yuwei (indra's fated lover)
also, cempaka means "magnolia" in malay!! (she gets a flower name bc my name is lilly which is also flower c:)
bonus first iteration under the cut!
i accidentally had "poinsettia" flower in mind when i did this iteration instead of an actual magnolia, hence the color scheme. but yeah, this is as self-insert as it gets LOL like she's literally MEEEEEE but still very different and i love her as she is <3
#my art#original character#oc#oc art#art#im in love with her actually#she has 4 brothers all named after flowers#mawar kekwa orkid and melati#not me using google translate literally on the fly i hope im not being culturally insensitive 😭#but anyway they lost their parents at a young age so she was raised by her brothers#shes the youngest by far tho by like 9 years from her next closest brother#mawar is the oldest hes like 40 a very important Leader Of People so he is not very present in her life#kekwa is a doctor and 38 and he travels often for work so he is also not very present but he visits sometimes#orkid and melati are twins theyre both 30#orkid is a scholar and on track to being a professor at a prestigious uni#melati is traveling the world doing soul searching#cempaka is 21 she is literally a baby and her brothers send her back money but shes mostly alone#so she joins a traveling dance troupe and she gets really good at dancing#she meets indra while on the road dancing and performing and she is SMITTEN#like shes just head over heels in love with this man because hes so warm and inviting and he fills a void in her life#he makes her feel so incredibly seen and not alone and the feeling is addicting she cant get enough#ok idk most of the details bc i havent read haydars full story BUT#basically to my understanding yuwei and indra are separated for a while#and cempaka knows up front that indra is in love with yuwei like hes very honest with her about this and she appreciates it#but she still wants a chance because indras the only person in the world that has ever made her feel truly seen and loved#so she tries to be with him to ease her loneliness but it breaks her heart whenever he misses yuwei openly#also AGAIN listen im trying to basically write fanfic for a story that doesnt exist LOLL#HAYDAR IF YOURE READING THIS PLS WRITE UR STORY LMFAO
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“Why’s he call you Darlin’?”
on my knees begging my brain to stop trying to associate this song with Sam
#(it’s too late guys i’ve already added it to a couple playlists. i can’t help it)#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted sam#redacted darlin#rp audio stuff#Seven’s Blorbo Songs#music stuff#i fell down a rabbit hole of music videos on YT last night and decided to give this song a chance based on the title obviously#skipped through all the exposition just to quickly find out if i liked the song or not#and as soon as the first line came in i went head-in-hands at my desk bc i just Knew it was over for me#i hate that i like it#it’s very repetitive and giving strong Modern/Mainstream Pop-Rap-Country vibes#but i’m not too proud to admit that i eat that shit up on occasion#‘You’ve been beatin’ ‘round the bush so much you’re knockin’ off the leaves.’ goes kinda hard tho i’m ngl#‘ole boy in a Ridgeline and i drive a Chevy’ would Sam be a truck elitist? hmm#i doubt it. i see him as too practical-minded to care about brand names and shit like that#like irl i think it’s very silly. and perhaps a little questionable to hate on a ‘foreign’ vehicle. but i don’t even like trucks at all so#insecure country boys and their obsession with big trucks are ruining the road for us regular people that just want a normal ass car#but i’ll stop before i go off on a rant about america’s transportation problems#anyways. i can separate reality from fiction and i love the image of Sam in a beat up beloved old truck. cliché as it may be#getting back on track. my POINT was that the song doesn’t even necessarily fit Sam’s vibes i just. can’t undo the association#been trying to think of a way for it to fit him but that would require Darlin’ to be cheating on him and i don’t like that thought#like i love some types of angst but cheating isn’t one of them#i could view it through the context of being directed at Alexis bc i already hate her lmao but once again it doesn’t fit in canon#and i don’t know how i feel about the thought that he used to call her Darlin’ too. though it’s very possible. mmm angst#not that it has to fit with canon for me to attach a song to a character. certainly not! but i need to make it work in my mind Somehow#and i can’t even come up with a good HC to make this fit. the idea of Jealous!Sam is fun in theory but idk if i’d like it practice anyways#tldr: does this really fit canon Sam? meh. Is it forever tied to him in my mind anyways due to the use of the petname Darlin’? absolutely.#anywho. one of these days i’ll open this app to do something other than vent post or yap abt rp audio blorbos. but that day is not today!
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is anyone still in the mood for a hypmic imagines blog these days lol
#mod rambles#giant ramble incoming ->#the tag seems so..#dead. which makes me sad :(#it’s looking pretty grim for us yumes out there ngl#do the people still yearn for self indulgent romance with their oshis. lol#i am still very much a yume freak. perhaps more so lately. but i never do talk about my own yume ships loll#plus the yume community does not seem.. very pleasant. to say the least#i do kinda want to come back and write here#but not on this account. i’d make a new one#i kinda want to start all over tbh. like a fresh slate#plus it'd kinda force me to try and get back into the groove of writing bc i feel like i've forgotten each and every rule lol#also it's important to have a creative outlet!! even if i most likely do not have the time for one lmao#i do want to provide for the h.ypmic yume community on here though. plus i love to write#even though i'm not caught up on the drama tracks..#idk if i'm emotionally ready for them#yes i did see this is the final drb. i got the news while studying for my final the very next day so suffice to say i was not doing well lo#idk if I’d share the new blog though. but i feel like it’d be p obvious if were me? lol#but i also wouldn’t have the time to write or post so idk.#i have time rn bc I’m on break but#when school starts back up again I’m gonna be packed. esp since I’ll be starting neuro so that’s gonna take all my brain activity (ha)#also will be starting research back up again so that’s a pain#plus. truth be told this year hasn’t been particularly kind to me#i haven’t really been in the mood to write or share it bc of what’s been going on back home#my people are always on my mind all the time#esp my village#🇱🇧❤️#been doing a lot of rambling lately but not a lot of writing. hm#all this to say: i might be coming back but prob with a new blog. lol#i write a lot just to get to the bare basic point (hence the 30 tags)
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it is officially midnight for me so . . .
happy 20th bday to me and happy no-longer-a-teenager-but-an-actual-fully-fledged-adult-era 😩
#sophie’s idle chatter#i love this meme i use it every bday bc it is just. me.#and u know how ill be spending today? THE WHOLE DAY AT UNI SITTING IN LECTURES RAAHHH#its okay tho i have my friends and then a dinner with my parents when i get back at like. 7pm. haha.#ANYWAY WAHOO BIG NUMBER 20 = FAST TRACK TO 30 😩#man… i cant believe ive been on this world for two decades…
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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hi
#hi#i am just popping on here for a second bc i’m not in the mood to be back yet but my queue is getting quite full#so i think i might have to unpause it soon#maybe tomorrow idk yet#just a heads up in case i seem active again i’m not really i just had a lot of stuff piling up 😭#it will be a Huge shuffled mess so patience is appreciated!!#i apologize if you’re waiting on me but thank you for waiting regardless#please keep using my tracked tag for your creations#i will be back for real eventually#my mental health is quite terrible lately i still need time#it’s about to be a year since the last time i saw my sister before she passed so like. my grief is going through a crazy stage#i’m still not getting a ton of sleep#my brain is just Bad things all day#it’s all just really sucky but i’m trying to do my best 🙃#i hope you are all well i miss you#i will respond to messages at some point too#there are very few which..well it puts things into perspective and validates certain feelings ig lol#it’s all good that’s something i’m working on internally#hopefully i get there#bye again for now 💕
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What's your favourite batclan member and which one is your favourite to write?
ooooh, fun question!! as for favorite character, probably Helena Bertinelli. i am unwell about her. a couple years ago i was like "i don't know Huntress too well, I'll just read all the Huntress comics can't be that hard" and i did and since then she has lived rent-free in my mind. i never shut up about her and i have successfully convinced multiple people to be Huntress fans. if anyone ever wants Huntress comic recs, thoughts on who i ship her with, explanations of Helena Bertinelli vs Helena Wayne, i am your guy.
if we went with like, characters who are the more accepted main Batfam members, i'd have to say the basic answer of Tim Drake. he's just. he's my guy man idk what it is. a lot of facts about me are eerily similar to Tim so i'm blaming it on that. Red Robin (2009) altered my brain chemistry in ways i've yet to fix. a lot of my favorite Batfam arcs and storylines tend to involve him, and i think he's had a *lot* of really cool storylines. personally a big fan of A Lonely Place of Living, which as far as Rebirth goes, a pretty solid TIm story. i love Tim so dearly.
a close third favorite is Jean-Paul Valley, who also exists now as a more exterior Batfam member, but he's everything to me. Catholic guilt and dissociative identity disorder in one guy? sign me up i love him.
as for who's my favorite to write: once again probably Tim, just because i can confidently say i know him the most and i find exploring his flaws from his POV to be really fun. he's kind of an ass and can be ego-centric, but that's what makes him fun. i also love writing Jason, just because there's a self-awareness that a well-written Jason Todd has that's so fun to explore. also i pride myself in knowing i can write Jason better than Scott Lobdell can. which to be fair isn't a high bar, but given he has changed Jason for the worse and it took use like a decade to be free of his writing, i think i'm allowed it. i also really like writing Cass! i don't know if i can say i have as strong of a grasp on her as i do Jason or Tim, but she's such a complex character to write and i enjoy giving her a lot of dimension solely to combat her existing as a prop in most fanfic.
#necrotic answerings#this was such a simple question i made it *so* complicated i'm so sorry jkjkhgfhgjhkj#i'm serious about the huntress thing i almost included a screenshot of the spreadsheet i use to track my comic reading#bc it's just huntress huntress huntress huntress for a week.#i got possessed.#as a tim stan tho i get why tim stans are hated. trust me i fucking get it.#i dislike fanon tim personally#and some tim stans *really* are convinced tim is like. an unknown oppressed character dc shows no love to#as if he wasn't *the* it girl of the 90s and has multiple solo runs.#trust me dc pays attention to tim stop treating him like he's some sad ignored character#i went really hard back and forth with someone in a comment section on tiktok about that once#they could not stop insisting tim was an underrated character with no content in fanon or canon. i nearly lost it.#y'all this is a relatively big fandom we are not starved for content. esp about TIM DRAKE#anyway enough about that bc i do love him.#but helena does steal the number one spot from him.#honestly depending on the day i would even put jean-paul above tim-
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I wish my sleep schedule would stop being so fucking random and garbage!!! Can I PLEASE just be awake for 16hr and sleep for 8hr like a functional human!? this sleeping for 12hr and being awake for 18-30hr is bullshit
#misha rambles#urgh i probably need to get my iron and thyroid tested again#i also might need to try sleeping pills to get back onto a normal schedule but me and those kinds of meds don't typically get along#when i was given... ativan?? is that the sleeping one?? i didn't sleep but i did get a really weird dyslexia where words jumped out into#shapes. like i saw full on gothic cathedrals in paragraphs idk#it was weird and disorienting and i didn't get any fucking sleep!!!!#but we'd found something that worked i just don't remember what it was#and i don't have a script history bc my dr had received samples from the manu that he gave me bc i only needed the like 2 or whatever it ca#-me with bc i was just using it to get back on track not to solve a chronic issue#but i can't ask for it bc i have no idea what it was!!! woo!!!#and this was when i still lived in az i don't have access to any of that info#and it's been i think 10 years#idr how long medical records need to be kept for but i think it's somewhere between 7 to 10 yrs?
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youtube
a n y w a y s listen to nagisa’s new song it’ll change your life
#this new v tuber singer dude is excellent at singing ngl. his voice is very upbeat and goes well with the song#[enojun version waiting room intensifies]#ok but. is it s e r i o u s l y just me or did they actually use a ukulele for this song#idk but that ukulele-sounding instrument reminds me of this guy who would walk around playing his ukulele at school back in the days of yore#the backing track also sounds familiar somehow… like one of those kindness movements/life insurance commercials maybe?#no idea wh y but i can picture nagisa singing this by the beach. y’know. nagisa singing at the nagisa—#this song is def gonna make me laugh or cry (or both) when it gets an mv…#it could be either hilarious or heartbreaking with no in-between#but man. nagisa. his long time crush comes back home looking (presumably) like a maiden in love and he’s just.#‘:( i’m not the one who made her like this :((( but she’s super cute though’#i m mad coping with the thoughts that hiyoko started to fall for nagisa with the distance between them (absence and the fonder heart or sth)#a n d that she only seemed fine when she went back bc she didn’t want him to see her upset about having to leave for the city b u t.#auasusuxuxuxuxhaughhhhhshhshshshshsh im c o p i n g#if hiyo ends up with one of the lips im gonna write a nagisa x the leftover lip enemies to lovers manifesto d o n t t e s t m e o k—#aaaaaaauauaaaaaaaaaaa im sorry i lied when i said i was done with my 2k23 nagisa crisis i’ll be done after this. maybe.#the dude from gamushara
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wish I could get (and stay) in the zone with writing like I can with drawing
#working on a pretty drawing is addictive I like compulsively come back to it#I can lose track of time while drawing uninterrupted#writing is fun but it's always very intentional I can't lose myself in it in the same way#probably why I struggle getting writing done consistently but I never feel like I have to make myself draw#anyway probably a mix of things but also writing is using some of the same braining that I have to use during the rest of the day#vs drawing feels almost mindless bc I get to use a different part of my brain than I do for work or whatever idk#just spitballing here#anyway my theory is that other people on here who always shock/impress me with their wordcount can achieve that kind of flow with writing#wonder if there's a way I could try and cultivate that
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Actually it is SO weird to me to remember that I was an engineering student and that later on I had been pursuing a minor in statistics
I may be a IT & com person in the end, but I do have the foundations of engineering and statistics in my brain too. Wild !
#speculation nation#if i hadnt liked coding so much i probably wouldve still been an engineer.#like my school does a first year engineering track where u learn the basics and then explore different engineering options#so by ur second year u choose your official track and that decides the rest of your schooling.#and id been thinking about computer & electrical engineering. often goes hand in hand.#guys i couldve been an electrical engineer. honestly that wouldve been so cool. wasnt meant to be tho 👍#i took a coding class my 2nd semester. first experience with coding. it was in C. i LOVED it.#and it got me comparing computer engineering and computer science and i decided that i wanted to do computer science#but well the intro course for that fucking sucked. didnt wanna go back to engineering either bc i hated engineering lol#im smart enough but it's fuckin soul sucking man.#eventually tho i found my way to my current home. im a techie :3 and im happy with that.#anyways do i seem like the kind of person who was into engineering and statistics? sometimes it's weird for me to remember.#but i did spent Years assuming id end up as an engineer. my grandpa was one. my dad was studying to be one b4 he dropped out#and my sister is one. just kinda runs in the family i guess. & so i was So Sure that was where i was going.#took. an engineering class in high school and everything. taught me some good foundational skills in modeling#also was the class that let me develop my signature. bc we had a notebook we had to sign the top of every day#so me doing my signature over and over again. i decided to use it as an opportunity to make it My Own. rather than just my name in cursive.#so yeah im a techie that talks good but i do have that math brain. engineering basis. statistics knowledge.#kinda feel like a jack of all trades (master of none) with it all. but see thats a good thing for companies (i hope)#ive got foundational knowledge of many things. and i am Adaptable. they can teach me the in depth shit i need to know themselves.#and i Also have my work experience in management... which i hope will help my case when applying to companies too.#aaaahhh!!! so many things to think about!!! but at the end of the day i am smart & educated and i will be a good asset to any company i join#i just need to convince them of that 😂 but i can probably figure something out. something !!!#i will graduate college and get some kind of IT job that pays decently & work my way up to maybe someday being an IT manager or smth#i can finally start. truly growing up. instead of being stuck in forever college unable to drive myself anywhere.#have my IT job and a car and the ability to do Whatever i want.... god i want it so bad.#im just daydreaming by this point. god im so excited to finally graduate college.
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It has to be your daughter Akiko. It's her fate.
#柄本佑#tasuku emoto#光る君へ#hikaru kimi e#1x26#made by me#fujiwara no michinaga#藤原道長#A CHICHIUE#I'm obsessed with the quiet harsh voice he used#there are so many Akiko's in this family#different kanji but same pronunciation#tbh this part of taiga dramas always make me sick bc women#especially young ones#in the eras they were in. are not being talked about AS HUMAN BEINGS#they were forced to marry some powerful ministers (& their sons) or the mikado at age 13 or 14#they are literally trade bargains for power#it's more ironic in this show because most of the women are stronger than their fathers and brothers#although I believe that michinaga's truly worried about his daughter's happiness in life#he still talked about her in that tone#as if she's just a thing that he could trade to get the country back on its right track
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how bad is it to say you hate your mother lmao
#x#she has turned into the most inconsiderate selfish person#and I think I mourned who she used to be but now everything she does she makes me angry#she just takes and takes and takes#I never wanted to say this here but she basically took my first car#and she uses shit without a backup plan - it was never for hers to keep#but she just thinks that solves her problem#I worked so hard for it too among many other things#and this move also has just shown how fucking selfish and ungrateful she is#my parents are divorced by my dad still helped move her shit and clean#she had her brother come down to help and she wasn’t even prepared bc nothing was packed even though I told her to start weeks ago#I’m so angry and upset and now they’re telling me they’re back tracking on taking one of the cats so now I’ll have both#and I can’t talk to anyone about it bc no one gets it!!!!!!#this is just one of a few problems tbh there is so much more but I’m done I’m at my wits end with her
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Might accidentally get absolutely jacked bc in a sheer desperate effort to artificially raise norepinephrine levels in the absence of an actual snri, might start doing cardio at the gym again
#i miss running but was advised against it bc it might stress my stupid rubber joints too much so i've been using an elliptical#if i can find a nice sidewalk i can use my roller skates!! i've used blades before so skates are still a little new to me; i could bike but#the roads scare me lmao; i'd need to get way out of the way to get to a nice stretch of sidewalk ://#haven't used my bike in a while.. it's sunbleached and also margaritaville themed so the sunbleach actually just feels right lmao#it's also. very hot outside. so idk if it's a good idea; especially w/ the distance involved U_U#anyways. i just wanna write and draw but my brain has fucking NOTHING in it apparently and. well that just won't do#wow you're so strong how did you do it?? i did one pushup for every time i couldn't sit down and draw#dude i did NOTHING with art fight this year and i'm mad about it. i only read 1 book this month. starting to get back on track with actuall#cooking food. and it's like. yeah there's job stress i'm working to resolve but man. i just wanna be able to do stuff#shai speaks
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if i suddenly deactivate please know that i’ll be fine and will always carry you in my heart. i’m so sorry i’ve been such a bad friend lately, i still have messages to respond to and i’ve barely been able to check the news. but my entire life is falling apart and to disappear completely will only confirm that my worst nightmare came true and i just cannot go on with my life as i’ve been doing until now. i’ll keep trying my best and perhaps one day we will meet again
#hope it won’t get to that point bc it has taken me a long time to get this blog back on track since i accidentally deleted#so if i stop showing up here it will mean the same thing#please do not worry tho and again i’m very sorry for not being in touch. i love you all so much and i really value your support 🖤#pt#also. if any of my mutuals use skype and want to be in touch just lmk! i already added jen even tho i’m pretty offline lately
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