#-being SAVED by his friends and family who literally refused to let him lost himself no matter how much he was forced to push them away?

[kanene-yaaay]

Secrets and the Pros and Cons of Not Running Away

Kanene's notes: I will receive no constructive criticism on this, I saw a character that just keeps being destroyed over and over because he loves and cares too much and since mah bros on that island only SUFFER, I *WILL* take the matters onto my own hands and give them all the tickles and fluff thank you so much for understanding.

Anyway, the Happy Pills Arc is my absolute fave until now, and this animatic is my new obsession. It doesn't has anything to do with the fic, really, but I think it deserves more love drtyuiklkjhg.

Warnings: This is a tickle fanfic. It has hurt/comfort, fluff and some angsty thoughts, but nothing too dark. It happens after the Happy Pills stuff and doesn't follow the canon timeline. Ticklish!Forever and Ler!Philza, Ler!Bad, Ler!Pac, Ler!Mike, Ler!Richarlyson, Ler!Tallulah and Ler!Chayanne. It is 8,000 words long.

[~*~]

Forever woke up. 

His eyes hurt when they opened so he kept them closed for a few minutes more, watching the flash of memories run behind his eyelids in blurry movements and sounds. 

For the first time in a while his mind was silent, clear from all the effects of what the Federation did to him. His feelings no longer exploded crazy in his chest as they often did during the last few days, fighting to survive before the chemicals from the drugs washed them over and got suppressed by a blinding, fake happiness.

Their kids were gone. 

Richarlyson was gone. His son disappeared in thin air and there were no clues or hints that showed any single way to get them back or even know where they went. 

The island was in scrambles, empty. 

There were explosions and grieving and chaos everywhere. Every parent doing any and everything to cope with the fact that from day to night they’ve got what was the most important for them ripped right from their fingers. 

The N.I.N.H.O, his project (his responsibility) didn’t work out this time and they lost everything because of it.

Badboyhalo was losing his colors. Baghera disappeared. Cellbit straight out begged him to not leave him alone during all of this. Mike hadn’t been seen in a long time. Etoiles was trying to keep their hopes up. Everyone asked him what they should do, now. What would he do as their president. 

And what did he do? He fucking lost it. He let his feelings get over his head, exploded everything that he could put his eyes on, demolished his base with TNT and threatened Cucurucho, forced the Federation to do a throwback just so they would have an island to put their feet on. Made the Federation see him as a threat and force those pills on him.

He left everyone. His family. His friends.

(What more could he do?)

And everyone should've left him too.

…

And yet…

And yet Pac jumped head first to save him. Accepting to go under Cucurucho’s “treatment” so he could analyze the drugs and find a cure for it. No matter how much he was shaking in fear the entire time, how bad the Federation treated him before or how there was just no certainty that his plan would even work

And yet Philza saw under his mask of smile, past the point of his gun and right into the pain in his eyes in his lowest moment and said that everything would be fine, that he still trusted him, that he knew who he was and how much he cared about the eggs. He said they would find a way to solve things out.

And yet Cellbit didn’t let him go for a single second. He followed him no matter the instability, during those painful moments of consciousness, beyond the fake minutes of happiness and slipped past his traps just to go and pull him out of it. He shouted and hugged and taunted and broke and fought dirty and did what he could to bring him back.

And yet Bad still talked and answered him, even with how much he was hurting, even with the bombs and screams and the dismissing he came back over and over again with his chats and banters and discussions that so easily led Forever to the trap that would come to save his life.

Once again, there were tears in his eyes. 

They were too his family. Forever was the one who put himself under Cucurucho’s radar by going apeshit and bombarding the entire island and they were the ones who saved him from that white fucking bear. From himself. From the Happy Pills.

He cried.

(What else could he do?)

Agony and hope danced in harmony in his chest, sucking all his other senses to nothing and filling his soul with every emotion under the sun at the same time. It was overwhelming but good to be free to feel so easily. It was horrible that he knew how it was like to miss this freedom so much. It was empty to feel this despair all over again. It was good, no, essential to know he was not alone.

Almost hopeful, even.

And yet their children were gone.

And yet everyone was kind of lost.

And yet they needed someone solid, a strong leader to step in.

Forever didn’t feel strong.

(What would he do?)

He wiped his tears. Sat on the bed. Got up. Put back the flag on his shoulder. Took a deep breath, listening to the very known voices coming out of the infirmary that made his entire face change to a (this time genuine) happy, tired and relieved kind of smile.

The president of Quesadilla Island woke up.

(And he didn’t have any idea of how much everyone had been waiting to show him how much they were happy about it.)

[~*~]

It all started in very tiny ways, as most things did, easy to miss if you didn’t know where to look. 

The first time it happened Forever was at favela. He had just finished fixing the elevator from the Karaoke and was watching the sunset (Hi, Bobby) wash over the beach in a dance of colors at the top of the building, resting on the parapet. Pac was somewhere close, building more houses or getting in trouble with Fit, but, besides them, it was just him, his memories and Copacabana beach.

Forever laid his head in his arms, with a long sigh, closing his eyes and just letting the wind mess his hair and clear his thoughts, enjoying the brief moment of peace before he started thinking about more plans and projects to fill his day and mind with.

It was hard, though. When every block he put down or decoration he pulled up made the blonde turn around with a call in the tip of his tongue, words disappearing when he realized that there was no set of small footsteps following him and probably never would again because they were all gone and he was not and how could he ever even think about-

A shiver ran down his spine and made his thoughts come to a halt when he felt a light tickle in the back of his neck, making him have to move a hand out of his comfortable position to wipe the leaf or whatever out of his skin. 

His fingers made contact with nothing. Uh. Must’ve flown away already.

He was tired. Maybe he should take the rest of the day to clean his base. There were still holes from the mine traps that someone has been spreading across the island lately. Another problem for him to resolve. Looked like those were never going to end.

The tickle came back, following him even when he flinched away, with a puffed snicker falling from his tongue. His hand shot to scare whatever insect it was from his neck again but the touch was as nimble as it was soft, lightly and skillfully dancing away from his hold before it could catch him.

“Que porra.” (“The fuck.”) He tried again and again, going so far as slapping his entire arm behind him, hitting nothing.

The sensation disappeared for a brief while before running all the way across his spine, making him almost jump in the air and finally give up his comfortable position to spin around. “Que que é isso, cara!” (“What is this, man!”)

“Pfff- hahaha!”

Forever turned just in the right moment to see his short friend, with sky blue eyes shining with a playful light, pulling a black, crooked and beautiful wing behind his back, his laugh ringing across the building.

“Philza! Really?” 

“What? You wouldn’t have that problem if you wore a shirt, you know?” Forever’s shouted “WHAAAAT!” did nothing to alleviate his laughing fit, a snort not taking long to appear.

“You, you’re, you’re bullying me, man! I just came out of the hospital and you treat me like this. I can’t believe it!”

“You��re-”

“You come here, you hit me, you don’t let me rest after I get out of a coma… I am an injured, man, you know that, Philza? You’re bullying an injured man.”

“I literally,” his tune tried and failed to sound at least a tidbit serious before he descended in more laughter. “I literally didn’t even hit you!” 

Forever continued as if he didn’t hear the protest of the other, turning around and gesticulating dramatically. “You’re a bully, Philza. You’re such a bully.”

“I am doing that to remind you to put on a shirt! You just came out of the hospital, you’re gonna catch a cold.”

“Nah, nah, nah, you’re mean. You’re just so mean to me. Like, I thought we were friends, you know? But I see the truth now.” He tsked. “That is just sad, Philza. That is really sad, man.”

“Oh my fucking god.” The punch he gave on Forever’s arms didn’t even hurt, only making the president snicker louder. “Shut the fuck up.”

Forever chuckled at how done the other sounded, watching him roll his eyes and shake his head with a big smile before taking (he wasn’t resting anymore so might as well just finish his work here) the chance and walking in between the tables and chairs until he got behind the balcony. In no time he began filling the storage with drinks and food. The high, upbeat joy of banting with his friend slowly calming down.

“Actually, I am going to put back my old black suit soon. I am just taking a break from wearing suits so much, you know?”

He didn’t have to explain what the break was really for and how his old presential clothes didn’t have anything to do with it, Philza understood. 

“Take that time off, Forever, you deserve it.” His tune was soft. 

Forever smiled, wishing he could show Phil how wrong he was. A“break” definitely wasn’t on the list of things that Forever deserved at all. That anarchist was way too kind.

“Thank you very much, my friend.” He closed the cabinet door, turning around (and away), facing the entire restaurant. 

Each chair, each color and decor had been carefully picked by small , gentle claws. The building had been chosen by hand and even the balcony was built lower than normal, made so that a small child could go behind it and pretend to be a barman, sing with the melodies and enjoy the view with their family and friends. 

Signs were still spreaded there, on the restaurant, the rooms, the favela, the N.I.N.H.O, the Spawn, their home and island… None of it had been built to be just for the adults and it all brought a longing pang in his chest. 

Saudade.

They’re gone. They’re gone and he was here laughing and resting and doing nothing to rescue them and how could he be so usele-

Another soft sweep of feathers right under his chin made him flinch away with a surprised, bitten giggle, successfully making his line of thoughts disintegrate for a second time. A half smile painted his face.

“Stop with that, man! It tickles.”

Philza tilted his head slightly to the side, eyes sharp in concentration, as if just realizing something. But at the sound of Forever’s voice he blinked and let his expression become a tad more relaxed, with worried tunes.

“You just seemed to be thinking a whole lot back there. What is in your mind?”

“Nothing really important. It doesn’t matter.”

“Well, I’ve got some bad news for you then, mate. Because it will matter to me. You can tell me anything, Forever.”

And for a moment the other considered not doing that. Teleporting away or brushing his worries with another topic or a joke. But that was Philza. 

Philza, one of the most protective parents who still trusted him with Tallulah when he was away. Philza, who didn’t care about the elections but voted for him anyway. Philza, who trusted him with such a conviction and an unyielding loyalty that Forever had no idea of what he could ever have done to deserve it.

(“You saved my children.” Philza would say if he could listen to him. “You went beyond and further to save everyone’s kids for free over and over so no parent would ever carry the grief of losing them again. You did it for Richarlyson, for Tallulah, for Bobby, for Pomme, for you, for us, for free. I’m not forgetting that easily and I’m not letting you forget too.”)

And that was enough.

He stared at the beach again, the words coming easier when he was not looking at the other.

“Talullah was the one who decorated the restaurant. We were having a Karaoke Night and when we got up here she had already put all those nice trees and pretty flowers…It looks really nice.”

Philza sighed, looking ten thousands of years older.

“Yeah, she has an amazing taste.” Then he walked and stayed right in front of Forever’s view, staring right at his eyes, serious. “We’re going to find them, ok? Richas, Talullah, Chayanne, Ramon… Every single one, we’re going to get them back. So don’t let yourself give up and stay focused.”

The president, his friend, nodded.

“We will get them back.” Forever agreed. “No matter what it costs.”

[~*~] 

But Philza was a discreet fella, so things continued to be shown in tiny ways for a while. A poke when he got too distracted and his thoughts too dark, a scribble to get his attention, a sweep of feathers when he refused to stop working so much and listen to the reason. Forever pretended to be annoyed, but the fact that the other cared so much and in such a playful way kept fishing fond smiles and amused chuckles out of him and that he couldn’t ignore.

His cute secret was secure with him, and so things took a while before it began escalating, all because of a different afternoon…

It started with a jumpscare.

“FOREVER!”

“PUTA MERDA!” (“HOLY SHIT!”) The loud shout quickly descended in a series of nervous giggles. The blond holding his chest and resting in a wall to not fall, muscles trembling with the sudden shot of adrenaline. 

It took a couple of minutes for him to get back his composure and glare at the demon that was still snickering gleefully at him, tail swooping around in delight as he jumped around. 

It took exactly one second. 

In a blink Forever was getting his soul back to his body and then in the other he was throwing himself at him and both were rolling on the floor in a mess of pushes and kicks. “Tu se acha engraçadão, hein? Tu se acha muito engraçadão. Palhaço! Tá palhaço demais, hein, Badboyhalo.” (“You think you’re so funny, yeah? You think you’re so funny. You clown! You’re being such a clown, huh, Badboyhalo.”)

Forever didn’t care that his wrestling was uncoordinated enough so most hits didn’t even land on his friend, different from Bad that actually got more than one or two kicks right before letting himself be lost in a mix of too joyfully complains of “unfair attack” and “dictator” to have any true heat in them. 

Their playful fight was kept for a few pieces of a while before they were too distracted by their own amusement to not let the other go and try to recompose themselves.

“Where! is! it!”

“What?” Forever asked, staring with confused eyes at the black demon who crossed his arms and squinted at him in what Forever could swear was an annoyed composure if it wasn’t the way his tail swayed around and his eyes glinted in glee. Whether it was for being so unclear and successfully confusing the blond or for the original reason he appeared there in the first place it wasn’t clear. 

For a moment his eyes unfocused from the form of the other and watched the wall full of kind, heartwarming messages that he asked for everyone still awake at that night to write so he could make BadboyHalo a surprise. Suddenly all the pieces came together in his mind and formed such a cute picture that Forever couldn’t help but let out a delighted chuckle, lips curling in an amused, teasing smirk. “Ooooh, I see what you’re talking about now, Badboy.”

That chuckles almost became a crackle when the only response he received was a petulant huff and a hand extended in his direction, fingers twitching impatiently. Forever took out his backpack, rummaging through it until he found the compartment where he kept all his flowers, carefully pushing Richa’s favorite one aside so he could pull another one. His fingers clasped around a stem and soon a light purple grazed his sight. “Here. Your daily flower. It’s for until you get better, right?”

“Oh, nice, thank you.” Bad’s voice tinted with a softer tune, carefully gathering the gift and putting it on his own backpack, in a special place, together with the others, before his tune became agitated again, feet tapping on the floor with energy. “But that is NOT what I am talking about.” He got closer and repeatedly began slapping his arm, following the president when he shouted and started running around the enclosed space, jumping in attempts to escape from the sudden attack. “WHERE IS IT! GIVE ME, IT’S MINE!”

“What! What more do you want from me!” When no answer was given besides more chasing and (friendly) hitting, the blonde got the warpstone with an exaggerated sigh. 

“You know, Badboyhalo,” when Forever said his entire name, it wasn’t exactly sing-songing, but it had a little beat painted with amusement and tease, when the demons haven’t been able to successfully annoy him out of his mind, of course. “I really need to go, man, and since you don’t have anything to say to me… tsk, that is so sad, man, I was really feeling quite… generous today”

“No!” The demon tried to grab his shoulder, but the blonde dodged swiftly, still pretending to be looking busy and thinking hard about his next location. “Forever. Do not. You’re not running away. I know what you’re doing!” Forever smiled. 

Being friends with Cellbit, you learned a thing or two. Like how to disappear in the middle of a conversation, but, especially, how to do that in the most annoying way possible. “No, no, no, I’m not running away at all, Bad, I am actually…”

However, that was the thing: Bad was also Cellbit’s friend, and so realized the exact moment that glint filled the president’s brown eyes what was about to happen. His hand flew in another attempt of a grab, missing once again his shoulder when the other, a bit later than last time, dodged, which allowed his reflex to kick in and his hand changed the trajectory and lay on the brazilian’s side, squeezing.

None of them was prepared for the squeal that this action fished.

For a second, a blissful second, everything froze and both stared at each other. 

That is how Forever saw the exact second the demon’s eyes squinted and a playful flame alighted in them.

In a blink his other hand also flew to his waist and began attacking both sides with no mercy. Forever had no chance to even try to stop the barking loud laughter that exploded from him, immediately letting go of the warpstone to clue on Bad’s wrists, trying to push them away by sheer reflex even before his brain could process what was happening. 

“Nonono, stop that! BA-ad!”

Bad couldn’t help but giggle, half adoring and half malefically, at the way the laughter made most of his words get almost intelligible. Besides, Bad thinks he could grow accustomed to having his name being snickered in such an adoring - together with that cute smile and shiny eyes - way more often, really.

His fingers poked and prodded with skill and curiosity, looking for any sensitive spot that could create a new fun sound and concentrating there for a few maddening seconds and plenty of digging before looking for the next one. There was a very nice one juuust above his lowest rib that made the barking laughter become a string of snickers that seemed to grow higher and faster by the seconds. It almost made Bad forget his main job now as his friend and rival the second (actually, even before that, if he was being honest, but honesty was overrated) he discovered that little fun secret about their dear tyrant:

Tease him out of his mind.

“Huh? Stop what, Foreverrr?” “That! You’re ti-” Bad closed his hands in fists and pressed his knuckles on his ribs and rubbed as if his life depended on it, cutting the rest of the sentence with success and filling the room with much more shrieks than before. “What was that?” 

Forever couldn’t answer, his legs were failing and it made him get close to a fall if it wasn’t for the demon adjusting his hold on him and slowly lowering him to the ground, fingers still dancing in each and every rib, scratching and scribbling happily.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear what you’re saying, some muffinhead is laughing their heart out near here. Perhaps they heard a very good joke. Hmmm, what do you think Forever?”

Forever snorted, eyes almost closed with how much he was laughing, tears beginning to collect in the corner of his eyes. A few portuguese words got tangled with his crackling. Bad nodded seriously and slowed his tickle attack, not wanting to go too far.

“Uh hm, no, I get what you’re putting down here. We just need to ignore the laughter and keep up our nice conversation. I think that is a great idea!” He snuggled his hands cozily under Forever’s armpits, lightly wiggling and poking, which resulted in the laughter becoming a new dance of a calmer, but still high with adrenaline and mirth, string of snickers that made the blonde’s shoulders bounce in joy. “What were you saying before?” 

“Stop tickling me!” “What!” Bad gasped in offense. “How can you even accuse me like that! What the fudge, I thought we were friends. But, no, I see. I came aaaaall the way over here, did nothing wrong and you just treat me like that.” He gave a fake sniff.  “You’re hurting my feelings, Forever.” “Mentiroso!” (Liar!) It was quite difficult to see with tears and squinted eyes, especially when Bad’s hoodie always kept his expressions hidden, however, it was even harder to miss how those shiny eyes glinted with mischief and fondness and his smirk went from one ear to another. 

It was quite the sweet sight. Forever had to push his face away before it made him blush vomit. 

(For a second, he could almost swear that the blue that covered the other’s figure dimmed a little for a piece of time.)

“You’re such a liar.”

“Oh why, thank you.”

Bad freed his hands and softly attacked the back of the elf’s ears, still too lost in the lovely sound of his delightful giggles, crackles and snickers to actually let him go. That was the true sound of Forever’s happiness, not that forced, explosive laughter created by those pills. 

Besides, Forever also wasn’t pushing him away.

Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t the only one missing that freeing sound. Maybe Forever also longed for those moments of playful fights between them, of pushing the buttons and teasing and caring and always, always being there, for the better or the worse.

Eventually, the president held his hands and stopped the attack, left over giggles still pouring from his lips like a waterfall. 

Their eyes met.

Forever’s smile got relaxed and small before growing bigger. 

Bad just hummed, tail starting to sway fastly from side to side.

“So, Badboyhalo…”

“Yes?”

Forever’s grip got more firm. 

Bad’s pull got equally stronger. 

They kept smiling.

“Are you… uh.” His voice lost the undertone of playfulness, brown eyes focusing with true curiosity for a moment. “Coceguento? How is it in english? Tickly?”

“Oh, it’s ticklish. For example, you are very ticklish, Forever.”

“Hehehe,” he snorted, and his curiosity was satisfied. “Yeah, yeah, I got it. But what about you, Badboyhalo? Are you… ticklish?” The word came slowly and playfully, tinted with a nice accent.

Bad’s tail opened his backpack, rummaging in search for a very specific item.

“Hmmm… no, actually. I’m not.”

The blonde’s smile got more dangerous. “I don’t know… I don’t believe in you, man.” He found it. 

Bingo.

“Then why don’t you try to find out?” 

Forever pulled him closer and with a swift move the enderpearl that had been in his bag was thrown to the other side of the room, successfully freeing the demon from his hold. Not a second later, though, Forever was jumping on his feet, ready for another chase.

Lots of laughter filled the afternoon, that day.

[~*~]

After that, the avian wasn’t the only one who now randomly poked, prodded and attacked the outgoing brazilian when he wasn’t expecting, anymore. Even though Badboyhalo’s attacks were much more out of the blue, following him in those lonely afternoons when he was distracted in his adventures or too lost in a project to realize the other invaded his base in the middle of a sleepless night. 

But, you see, the difference between Philza and Bad and knowing that Forever is actually pretty ticklish is a very single detail: Bad is a fucking gossiper who loved to set chaos just to see where it would go. 

And, therefore, the main reason why Forever was so screwed right now.

“NÃO! SAI, SAI, SAI. LARGA DE MIM!” (NO! GET AWAY, GET AWAY, GET AWAY. LET ME GO!)

“Que isso, moço, tá fugindo da gente por que?” (What is this, bro? Why are you running away from us?) 

Forever didn’t even have to turn around to see Mike’s giant smug grin. It was almost palpable in his tune. But if anyone could have any doubt about its existence, they just needed to listen to his crackles as both him and Pac chased their friend through the Spawn, leaving a very amused Bad and  Bagi, who shouted a “Boa sorte aí, Forevinho!” (Good luck, Forevinho!) in the wind behind.

“Pois é, a gente só quer um abraço apertado do nosso presida da galera! Cadê o espírito da Favela Six?” (That’s right. We just want a tight hug from our favorite president! Where’s the Favela’s six spirit?) Pac, however, questioned with a genuine tune, almost naive like as he followed the other closely, getting closer and closer by the seconds. For a moment he almost tricked the president into thinking that he was the merciful one, then he remembered about that one tickle fight he, Mike and Tubbo had in the Favela.

Let’s just say it was just a very quick thought, really.

“Favela six é o caralho, ceis querem é me roubar. Eu já disse que não vai ter Armazém da Galera nenhum! Isso é ataque à autoridade, hein!” (Favela Six my ass, you just want to rob me. I already said that there won’t be any Free Storage! This is an attack on authority!)

“A gente só quer o que é nosso por direito, Forevin.” (We just want what is faithfully ours, Forevin.)

The blonde didn’t even have a chance to answer before an arm grabbed his shoulder and pushed, disbalancing him enough so Pac was able to sneak behind him and lock him in a hug, snickering gleefully in his ear.

“Que isso, cara, achava que tu era compromissado! Vou falar pro Fit, hein!” (The hell, man! I thought you were compromised! I’m going to tell Fit!) Forever’s struggles only grew stronger when he saw Mike getting closer, wiggling his hands in the form of claws as he stopped running and instead began to approach slowly, chuckles falling freely from his lips and making shivers run across his spine and giggles to pile in his chest. 

He tried again to free himself from the hug, showing no success. Pac’s hold was firm as a mountain.

“E desde quando que tu tá malhando? Tá todo mamadíssimo aí, né, eu tô sabendo.” (And since when you’re ripped? You’re all ‘mamadíssimo’ now. I see what’s going on.)

Pac let out an amused, with drops of shyness, snort. “Pois é, né, moço. Sabe como é né… Tô indo na academia do Fit bastante esses tempos e tudo mais, aí dá nisso.” (That is right, bro. You know how it is… I’m visiting Fit's Gym a lot these last days and that is what happens.) His tune lost a bit of the light and became more serious, cracked in the corners. “Também, né, a gente nunca sabe quando vai precisar. Eu não quero que quando chegue a hora…” (Also, we don’t know when we’re gonna need it. I don’t want that, when the time comes…)

Forever knew exactly what he was talking about, the same cloudy thoughts that filled everyone’s mind in the island the second he warned that the kids had ran away because a danger greater than everything they’ve seen before was coming, the Federation choosing to announce the train station’s opening in just a few days also did not help their nerves.

He looked at Pac’s shadows under his eyes, suddenly remembering that his friend also went under the Happy Pills Treatment, the horrible withdrawal, the exhaustion of recovery, all to save him. 

His struggles became just a little, a little less strong, heart melting and hurting like it did for every single member of their dysfunctional family since they arrived in that boat.

The scientists deserved to have their own silly fun, even if the fun was destroying their friend and president in a mess full of giggling pieces.

And so Forever let out a loud laughter, wiggling his eyebrows and giving him a knowing smirk. “Tu tá praticando bastante exercício com o Fit é? Aham, hehehe, tô sabendo.” (Doing a lot of exercise with Fit, yeah? Uh hm. Hehehe, I see.)

“FOREVER!” This time the snort that came out from Forever’s mouth was more of a result of Pac's unfairly squeezing his belly non stop instead of a reaction to the affronted shout, the one with blue hoodie not throwing any other remark or getting lost in any dark thought. The blonde counted that as a win for him. 

“Tá bem engraçadinho, mas você não vai conseguir me distrair. Sabe, o Badboy me falou algo muito interessante sobre você que ele descobriu mês passado…” (You think you’re being funny, huh. But you’re not going to distract me. You know, Badboy told me something very interesting about you that he discovered last month…)

Mike finally got right in front of him and Forever immediately started kicking in his direction to keep those offending fingers away from his torso at the same time that he continued to attempt to pry Pac’s hands - that somehow seemed to sense the exact spots he was the most sensitive and concentrate all their pinches, scribbles and tickly efforts on them over and over again - until the attack forced Forever to press his lips on his shoulder to contain the blossoming laughter and embarrassing squeals that tried to escape from his mouth.

His efforts to not let any sound out, however, were demolished when, in his distraction, Mike grabbed his ankle and grinned like a shark that finally got his prey. 

“Eu preferia uma mãozinha, mas já que é isso que você tá oferecendo…” (I’d rather you gave me a hand, but since you’re offering…) And, locking the leg in a headlock,  his fingers began dancing across his sole, walking around his arch and giving some special attention to the extremely ticklish space right under his toes, skillfully dodging any kicks that this move resulted in and breaking Forever’s barriers instantly.

Forever’s booming laughter filled the air in a free dance of joy, mirth and a warmth that filled his heart when he remembered just how long had it been since all of them could just get together and goof around a bit, no kidnappings or imminent dangers in their minds for a blissful pieces of time.

[~*~]

“Soooo, guys, I think I’m heading out, now.” Forever kept jumping on the trampoline, restless energy running on his veins after talking to Phil about his journey in the Nether. The virus hadn’t spread a lot those last days, but the conversation was hard, not only because of how, primarily, exhausting it was to go through all of it, but because for some reason something in him made he almost feel compelled to shut his mouth and not say a single word about the infection to anyone else.

They played and gave each other a few remarks and pokes of fun when Philza asked for Forever to take off his shirt in the bunker, careful touches analyzing the skin around the ébano substance glued on his back and in the nape of his head. Even so, it made the blonde want to hide away the result of his journey. Forever never have been ashamed of his body. He used to walk around shirtless, on the good old, first days on the island, afterall. But if he was being honest... he was afraid about that infection, and Philza didn’t seem very relieved about it either.

It was a literal mark about how he had failed in absolutely every single sense and chance he had out there. In finding any clue, in getting their kids back, in saving Walter Bob or even himself. In the end, he was not able to do any of this.

That is the President of Quesadilla Island, everyone.

(“We’re going to talk with Cucurucho and demand answers about what the fuck is this.”

Forever gave a humorless chuckle, happy that the children were outside playing so they weren’t here to witness how defeated he sounded for a second before adjusting himself to a playful grin that didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, Philza, he is very good at this. Giving us answers, right?”

“We have to try. If someone knows about this it is the Federation.”  Philza brushed the other’s sarcastic ‘há!’ easily and moved until he was right in front of the brazilian, capturing his eyes in a firm stare. “And if they don’t have anything, we’re going to find our own answers.”

Forever nodded, not really believing.

“You worry too much, my friend.”

“Exactly. I already told you but I will repeat it until it gets through your thick skull: I always will worry and I’m not leaving you side, mate.”

For a moment words escaped from his tongue, a mix of feelings of ‘safe’, ‘happy’ and ‘embarrassment’ filled his chest before he got a hold of his senses. 

“Alright, alright, alright.” 

This time, when he smiled there was a light back into his brown, tired eyes. 

“You know, Philza, you really need to get over me, man. The line continues, I’m already moving forward and you still try to romance me, it’s- what is the word? Oh, embarrassing, hehehe”

The avian took advantage of his position to hit the other upside his head, a surprise snort being fished from his lips. 

“Oho, shut the fuck up. You’re the one who is still on this!”)

And yeah, maybe he was just making a strategic retreat after showing vulnerability, but who could blame him, really? No one, that’s who. He would be out before they did try.

“Come on, Richas, vamo de Megabase.” (Let’s go to Megabase) He called, getting out of the trampoline when the boy kept painting and paid him no mind. Tallulah, however, stopped writing on a book to go to him, Chayanne turned to look from his place next to the grill nearby, already testing a new recipe.

The girl placed a sign and stared at him with attentive eyes, lips firmly pressed in a shadow of disappointment. ‘You already going?’

(God. He really missed the sound of little steps and signs being placed. They missed it all so much.)

Forever internally winced. He really didn’t spend a lot of time with Chay and Talullah since they’re back, letting them enjoy more time with Phil and just making quick check ins once in a while. He also took the last days to spend as much time as he could with Richas, afterall.

“Yeah... sorry, Talullah, but me and Richas still have to finish our project, right Richas?”

Still no answer from the younger one, too concentrated in every stroke to pay the conversation any mind.

Forever chuckled, sensing a chance for some mischief. Cleaning his throat, he lifted his voice from the usual soft tune he always used with Tallulah to a more taunting tune, making it louder so Richas could listen perfectly well.

“Ohhh, but maybe you can go and help me to make it, right, Talullah? You’re such a nice, helpful egg who listens to your parents when they call you, just like Chayanne. Richarlyson could take some examples from his older siblings more, tsk.” The president had to hold the snickers when he saw the red cow head stop and slowly, threateningly slowly, turn around to face him, Richas letting go of the brush to squint their eyes at him. Talullah and Chayanne rolled their eyes, amused, already used to the playful banters between father and son. “But ahh, he just never listens. Oooh, I have an idea! While Tallulah helps me with the decoration, Chayanne, you can go too and make your delicious barbecue there to keep us- AH!”

The surprised shout was a direct result for when the younger launched himself at his father in protest and began roughhousing immediately, both descending in growls and portuguese for a few couple of minutes before Forever laid a satisfied Richas on the floor, who immediately placed a sign.

‘Pai, stop. I’m making Pepito’s birthday present, let me finish it >:0 we can go Mebase later :D’

“Ok, ok, I get it, I get it. You like Pepito more than your own father. Yeah, yeah, no Richas, no, I get it.” He began fake sniffing and making crying noises, leading to a Richas kicking his leg in a clear message of ‘stop the dramatics’ before going back to the canvas. “Ok, ok, warn me when you finish your drawing then, we can stay a little more.”

The three kids danced in excitement.

(...)

He is not sure how exactly he had ended up in this position.

Talullah and Chayanne were secure and cozy his arms, half because of a poke of fun at Philza that started with a joke ten minutes ago and they just kept it running and half as a parting hug that was stiffly (but still very carefully) answered by Chayanne and warmly by Tallulah. Forever enthusiastically squeezed and hugged them even tighter. A bit jealous of how Philza could shield them both with his wings during their own hugs and how he could only wish that his arms would be strong enough to defend them when the time comes.

“OK, now it’s for real. Richas, let’s go!”

But, when Richarlyson appeared in front of him, paints and canva already put inside his backpack, his smile had a different tint in it and, between his curls, Forever could recognize the flame that always appeared when that kid’s inner demon - not his terrifying artistic alter ego, though, the general demon that lives inside every rascal kid - woke in search of chaos.

He immediately became wary.

‘Chay, Talluh, can I tell you a secret about Pai Forever? 0-0’

Both siblings immediately nodded.

“Ohh, gossip. I like, I like.” Philza snorted at the affronted look in Forever’s face. 

“Vai contar nada, vai contar nada, seu muleque atentado! Nem sei o que tu vai falar, mas não vai falar não. Que que é isso, Richarlyson, tá se virando contra o seu próprio pai?” (You’re telling nothing, you’re telling nothing, you absolute brat. I don’t even know what you’re about to say but you’re telling nothing. What is it, Richarlyson, are you turning against your own dad?)

During the entire scold Richas kept jumping around in circles with the utmost, simple delight, wiggling his body and tail in sync in front of Forever, as if daring him to let go of the other two eggs to go and actually catch him, like a cat looking deep into your eyes before throwing the cup right off your table.

He put a sign on the ground.

‘Pai Forever is absurdly, awfully, very, very, ticklish. And it’s so funny because he always agrees to give us anything when we tickle attack him at home.'

“WHAAAAAT! RICHARLYSON, TU VAI FICAR DE CASTIGO, SEU OVO SAFADO. VAI PASSAR O RESTO DA VIDA NAQUELE CASTELO ASSOMBRADO LÁ DO TEU PAI CELLBIT. VOU CHAMAR O ELMARIANA PRA PUXAR TEU PÉ DE NOITE” (RICHARLYSON, YOU’RE GOING TO GET GROUNDED, YOU RASCAL. YOU’RE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN YOUR DAD CELLBIT’S HAUNTED CASTLE. I’M GOING TO CALL ELMARIANA TO PULL YOUR FEET IN THE NIGHT.)

His kid, his beautiful, beautiful baby boy that he would explode the entire island for and go through the literal hell all over again if it meant that he would be finally safe, only looked at him in a confused expression - as if the lil shit just couldn’t tell why his dear pai was running away from him as he tried to get closer - and began following his steps as Forever tried to put distance between them, holding Chayanne and Talullah the farthest away from his torso that he could while the two squirmed trying to escape and attack.

In the end his back ended up hitting the tree and, without being able to get his items to flee, he had nowhere to go.

“Wait, wait, wait, don-” A chortle escaped the very exact moment Richas began drilling on his sides, making Forever want to bounce up and down with the sudden tickly energy that shot through his entire body, leaving his mouth with a big, dazzling smile and his arms to fall in an attempt to protect himself from the tickling, which inevitably brought the other children close and sealed his fate.

Tallulah was bold, briefly looking at his face for any sign of discomfort before carefully shoving her claws under his armpit, scratching the ticklish skin with ease, but for the loud shriek that this resulted one could think that she just unlocked a full, unmerciful on a tickle attack.

Chayanne took a bit longer, giving his surroundings and sky a wary look, as if a monster would appear the very second he lowered his guard, only to end up finding his father’s gaze, who was watching at them with a soft expression and nodding encouragingly. The little (way to young) warrior relaxed and also took the job of scribbling, encircling and digging (just the tiniest bit, he had to be mindful about his claws after all) the other armpit, fish just more squeals and plenty of gleeful laughter with that.

Forever felt like he was about to jump out of his skin, his body going crazy at the ‘it tickles, it tickles so so much!’ feeling while his brain was still caught in the need to not move around too much to not hurt any kid with his squirms. All of which ended up with the blonde doing a weird little dance around the spot that brought plenty of giggles and amused snickers from the young ones.

Now, the similarity between Philza and Bad is that, while he wasn’t exactly the one who created it, Philza was more than inclined and wouldn’t necessarily refuse to add to a chaotic situation it if the chance came, if he felt like it.

That is why he stepped close, winking at them. “I think it’s better if you just agree to their terms, Forever.”

“I-I” the adult tried to bite back another giggling fit, but their tickles were so goddamn light and maddening- “I don’t even snk know what thehey want!”

“Just agree to give them anything then.”

Forever shook his head. He knew his son enough to understand how much of a pain in the ass that decision could become.

“Needing more convincing? Well, kids, you saw it.”

“Filho da puta-” (Son of a bitch-), and Forever threw his head backwards in more laughter, more squeaks, more half squirms.

Now, Philza may not know Portuguese. However, six months sharing an island with 7 brazilians and plenty of reasons to swear taught him well what some words meant. He snorted, half amused and half affronted.  

“Do NOT swear in front of the children.” Then, a wicked grin was formed in his expression.“You know what? I think the eggs need a little help.”

Forever’s eyes got wide when he saw the avian stepping close, cracking his fingers, making an electric shiver run across his spine and spread through his nerves, making his fingertips tingle with adrenaline and anticipation. 

His legs tensed in preparation for the chase, unfortunately, his son knew him too well.

In a blink Richarlyson threw himself on his legs and hugged them, successfully stopping him from even trying to escape. And those extra pieces of time were all that Philza needed. As fast as he was to defend and attack, he positioned himself right in front of the president, firmly pressing his shoulder to the tree and not really, truly, preventing him from escaping, but successfully securing him in place, in the same time.

“Ok, kids, what I know for a fact is that his neck is a very bad spot…” He demonstrated it by lightly tracing and wiggling his nails on said place, all of the dragon hybrids watching attentively as the action made Forever lose himself in a sea of snickers and yelps, a stronger reaction only coming out when two more tiny hands got mixed in the fun when Chayanne and Talullah tried mirroring their dad.

“But a spot that could make him cave…” Philza hummed before turning to the young one with a red mushroom cow head. “What do you think, Richarlyson? His hips or the back of his ribs?”

Richas looked at his dad. 

At how dark have been the circles under his eyes since he came back, at how he kept chatting with the islanders but never truly talking to them, how he always kept running off to another project or meeting, always saying that Richas was his son and his best friend and the only one he could trust when they got caught up in the middle of the night building and decorating his base.

He saw how, until now, he hadn’t run away. Through the teases, the attacks and tickles, he stayed.

And so, he smirked. 

Placed a sign.

‘Both?’

“Geez, I’m never getting into a tickle fight with you, mate.” Even so, the avian reflected his smirk right back at him and both turned to look at Chayanne and Talullah, who nodded in understanding and placed their claws on the back of his ribs. 

“Nononono! Wait!” Philza placed his free hand on his hips, thumb pressing the spot right above the bone, the palm resting on the back of his spine. Forever’s speech became more high pitched and much faster, with nervous, delirious chuckles already spilling and spinning in the air. “None of you said what you wanted from me! That is not justo, uh, just, huh, fair! Calma aí, come on, wait, wait, wait!”

They did not, in fact, wait.

For a second, once again, everything else in the world disappeared. There were no code monsters, no Federation, no Purgatory or anything else but the warm, electric feeling of fingers and claws prodding, pinching and scratching that took over his entire senses, making his laughter ring free in a song composed of yelps, shrieks, squeals and snickers that filled the air. There was nothing else but the fun, the joy and the warmth of a careful touch and silly taunting smiles that his heart melt with care over and over again.

In the end, after more laughter, plenty of teasing and lots of snorts, they finally agreed to ask him to visit them again after a couple of days for a nice picnic. A request which, in between leftover chuckles, plenty complains and a few gleeful tears, Forever agreed, a plan of vengeance already forming in his brain.

[runawaycarouselhorse]

What made both her sacrifice for her team mates’ happiness in Pocket Monsters (2019)/Pokemon Journeys episode 95 and the fact that she thought this would be her end more poignant for me is that being completely alone is what Musashi hates the most. She lost her (single) mother as a child and was never adopted, going from foster home to foster home... ;_;

After many failures (like being unable to graduate from a school meant to train literal Pokemon Nurses, because she couldn’t do what Chansey do, despite studying hard and being adept at skills like bandaging…) and having her heart broken and being disappointed (she let a boy she loved go alone so she can pursue idol dreams with some friends, who all made it… without her, so she lost a possible love for an impossible dream)…

She couldn’t bond with her partners and left them to be injured, just to save herself, during her training days at Team Rocket. She’d become selfish and self-preserving… in the Japanese version, the others called her “shinigami Musashi” according to Yamato (Cassidy), likening her to a reaper of souls… but James refused to run away, sick of living a life where he ran away from all his problems. He’d sacrifice himself for her and Meowth’s safety, getting badly injured and nearly missing their final exam, hospitalized. The first time they uttered the beginning of their motto was when she believed she was all alone again, much like in this scene… the Rockets in the Japanese version repeat the last thing someone else says as if to answer a question (the “nanda kanda to kikare tara” = “if you ask us about this or that” is mostly filler that could be substituted with anything else.)

Musashi (Jessie): (dejectedly, as she walks away alone as the final exam begins, even being questioned by Nyasu/Meowth where she’s going): Is this all that there is…?

Kojiro (James): (answering while leaning posed against a tree, covered in bandages, but they were only wrapped over his clothes so he could whip them off dramatically) If you ask us 'if this is all that there is,' our answer will be the universe’s compassion!

She’s so moved, she turns away to wipe her tears. “A team mate who won’t run away…”

I think that’s the first time they ever see her cry.

Jessie desperately wants family, belonging, that’s why she falls in love so quickly, she wants a family more than anything—James had everything material growing up, but not love… Musashi had near to nothing material growing up, BUT she had her mother’s love… until she lost her very, very early. They contrast each other! They’re soul mates, eternal partners, whether you ship them or not. Meowth, too, was orphaned as a kitten, never even named, and an outcast his whole life. He's also always falling in love easily, seeking a home... the trio should never be separated, they are each other’s sought-for home.

I think the falling snow in this scene, where she runs off in tears, after wearing a brave smile and telling James it’s okay to stay with Cassidy, is a very deliberate choice, as Jessie loves snow. One of her few happy memories of her depressing childhood is being made treats made of snow to eat. She unknowingly lost her mother in the snowy Andes mountains, seeking Mew, put into foster care, while Miyamoto tried to make money to give her a better life... glittering snow and sparkling tears…

For Meowth too, she lets him go. She just wants everyone to have their chance at love.

So, her believing she’ll end up dying alone, as she’s always feared, Musashi here laments her luck, but also has a beautiful little dream of her friends saving her.

Once again, similarly to the break-up episode of DP, she was the one who calmly and gently encouraged James to pursue a possible love. She also broke Dustox’s pokeball, in tears, not wanting her to make the same mistake she did, giving up on an attainable love for an unattainable goal (and, indeed, Jessie did not win the Grand Festival, despite her skill at Pokemon Contests… she made the right decision for Dustox’s happiness.)

Jessie loves her friends. Sure, she’s caustic, rude, temperamental, bitter, and self-absorbed, but she prioritizes love and their happiness. She doesn’t want them to be alone and abandoned the way she felt as a kid. She loves them so much so, she’s satisfied to die alone and suffer her worst fear if it meant they get to be happy. That’s self-sacrifice.

She doesn’t resent them one bit, saying it’s a nice dream when she thinks she’s imagined them saving her life… she thought it was her mind comforting her before her death, accepting her fate, rather than realizing it’s effectively a premonition of what will be reality… and when she realizes?! She initially reproaches them, looking mad, because she thought they abandoned their happiness for her! But no, things didn’t work out… this is where they’re meant to be: by each other’s side.

James also knows how much marriage means to her, even though he’s so traumatized by it, the word “fiance” triggers literal flashbacks for him and he climbed up a tree to get away from a teenaged girl who called him that. Yet, in XY episode 63, where she fell for Dr. White...

Kojiro: (with head down, eyes shadowed) If Musashi (Jessie) wants to pursue her happiness as a woman, shouldn't we give her our blessing?

Nyasu also had his misfortunes in love... they sympathize and empathize.

"Let's show her we're men and leave without saying anything..."

As Kojiro runs away, he sheds tears, wishing her happiness and bidding her farewell, silently. The scenes in these two episodes are clear parallels.

But in the end (including the final episodes, as rushed as that plotline was although I still loved Wobbuffet acting exactly like a troubled child of parents going through a messy divorce), they’ll always realize their happiness is by each other’s side as a trio.

"Sometimes you get good pulls, sometimes you get bad ones. Sometimes they're good, even if you think they're bad. Sometimes they're bad, even if you think they're good."

[nobigsecrets]

Welcome to the Family

Fandom: 9-1-1 Rating: T, Words: 1,962 Summary: Hen is all confidence and swagger, so sure of herself, it still makes Tommy feeling woefully inadequate, even after all these years. She has always been so unapologetically herself, Tommy remembers how he'd been equally impressed and intimidated by her when they'd first met. He likes to think he's come a long way since then, god knows he's put a lot of work into being true to himself, but he doubts it will ever come as naturally for him as it seemingly does for Hen. He wishes they'd met under different circumstances, he knows he's hurt her in the past— Or: Tommy and Hen have a long overdue heart-to-heart at the wedding reception.

Read on AO3

It's later.

After Tommy had found Howie, after he'd pulled him out of the deathly trap that had been set up at literally the last minute and after he'd brought him back to his desperately waiting bride. After Tommy had been thanked and congratulated and celebrated for saving the day—and the groom—more than felt reasonable or appropriate.

After Evan had kissed him, enthusiastically and on the mouth, right in front of the whole assembled crowd, thus evoking a racket of cheering and catcalls and even more congratulations.

After Howie got checked out at the hospital and declared fit enough for a wedding ceremony—as long as it was brief and he would resume bed rest immediately after.

After the wedding vows got finally exchanged in a small circle of witnesses—most of the guests had apparently been sent home by Maddie when the search for Howie had taken off—and after they had retreated back inside the venue where Howie could sit comfortably and elevate his injured leg on a small couch, stubbornly refusing the prescribed bed rest of course.

So it's later, when Tommy is standing at the far end of the room, just where the open doors are leading outside onto the patio. He nurses a beer, watches the newly wed couple being celebrated among their family and friends, watches Evan in the middle of it.

After the couple of weeks he's been with Evan, after having found a new friend in Eddie and regained an old one in Howie, the jealousy over the 118 family isn't as sharp anymore as it was when he'd flown them out into the storm to search for Captain Nash. But watching them celebrate now, a close-knit circle of people who know each other really well, being happy for each other, being so happy together, it still sends a pang of regret through him.

It's Hen of all people who notices Tommy standing a few feet away, all on his own. She puts a hand softly on her wife's shoulder and whispers something into her ear and then she gets up and she's coming straight over—

Hen is all confidence and swagger, so sure of herself, it still makes Tommy feeling woefully inadequate, even after all these years. She has always been so unapologetically herself, Tommy remembers how he'd been equally impressed and intimidated by her when they'd first met. He likes to think he's come a long way since then, god knows he's put a lot of work into being true to himself, but he doubts it will ever come as naturally for him as it seemingly does for Hen. He wishes they'd met under different circumstances, he knows he's hurt her in the past—

"Hey," she says in greeting, looking Tommy over thoughtfully as she's coming to stand beside him.

"Hen," Tommy says, trying not to let his surprise at her attention get the better of him while fighting back the old memories and the fresh twinge of guilt they provoked.

"I, uh— you know, I could be wrong, but for being the knight in shining armor today, you don't look happy."

Tommy looks at her, eyebrows raised, not able to hide his surprise any longer. And she's not wrong, is the thing, it had all been a bit too much attention for his taste, leaving him feeling a little too much out of place.

"No, it's—" for a second he's lost for words, he doesn't really want to give her an in-depth explanation of his conflicting issues and insecurities. Eventually, lamely, he settles on, "I'm fine." It doesn't sound very convincing though and she calls him out on it right away.

"Then why are you standing here all alone instead of sitting over there with us? Not to mention with your brand new and clearly very excited boyfriend?" Hen gives him a suggestive look with the last question and Tommy can't help a brief grin crossing his face. But looking over to the group of people gathered at the other end of the room, he sobers up quickly.

"This is a family celebration," he gestures across the room, where laughter is erupting at something Evan just said, as if to emphasize his point. "I don't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't intrude, Tommy. You know all of us, we've know each other for years," Hen insists. "You saved two members of the 118 on two different occasions within one month. If anything, we owe you, don’t you think?"

"You owe me?" Tommy shakes his head, that suggestion sounds wrong to him on all levels. "No, I don’t think so, Hen. Howie saved my life, remember? If this is about settling debts, it's me paying up."

Hen seems to accept that. "Still doesn't mean you can't join us," she says and Tommy can't really disagree with her. They both fall into a moment of silence after that.

Tommy doesn't quite know what to make of this conversation. Hen's not usually one for small talk, she's a very straightforward person. She doesn't tend to beat around the bush. If she had anything to say to him, she'd say it. So can he safely assume that this is Hen reaching out to him then? That she's being genuinely nice to him?

In which case, why does it make him feel so torn up?

He's picking at the label of his beer bottle absentmindedly, trying to sort out why he's feeling so conflicted. There's relief and there's happiness at being accepted, at being included by Hen—but there's just as much his conscience kicking in, bringing back the guilt he's feeling towards her—

Maybe he could try and get it out of the way, he thinks. Maybe he should be honest with her and tell her how he feels. Maybe it wouldn't linger in the air between them quite so prominently anymore—

Tommy takes a breath and gathers his courage.

"I owe you, too," he says and when Hen looks up at him surprised, he clarifies, "I owe you an apology. And a thank you."

"For what?" Hen asks, confusion clearly written on her face. "What do you mean?"

"For— you know, when we were working together at the 118. I know we've been treating you badly. I know we should've tried getting rid of Captain Gerrard earlier." Tommy rubs a hand over his neck, feeling a little out of his depth but determined to get this out now that he's started.

"I'm sorry for not fighting back. And I'm sorry for not standing up for you," he takes another breath, "or for myself."

"Tommy, I'm—" Hen says slowly, as if searching for the right words. "I'm not holding a grudge, I never did. But I appreciate the apology."

She smiles at him, a small smile but she seems genuinely moved.

"I'm glad to hear that," Tommy says and allows himself to smile back at her in relief. But there's more that he wants her to know. "Hen, I know it might look different from where you're standing, but without meeting you back then... I don't think I'd be here right now—" he trails off, realizing just how true his words are only after he said them.

"You were in the closet back then? All this time?" She takes a step toward him. "I had no idea," her voice is soft and more understanding than he thinks he deserves. It makes him feel emotional in a way he hadn't expected.

"How would you? I did everything to hide who I was. I was so scared," he admits, looking down at his hands briefly where he is still worrying at the label of his beer bottle. "Transferring to Harbor, it was the fresh start I didn't know I needed."

"I'm glad you found your way," Hen says, searching his eyes before she continues, "and I'm glad you told me. It means a lot."

And then she's reaching out, putting one hand on Tommy's upper arm and pulling at it lightly in a clear offer of a hug. Tommy only hesitates for a second; it's not what he expected out of this conversation but he'll take it gladly. Then Hen's arms are strong around his ribs and he squeezes her shoulders in return, and if she notices how his voice chokes up a little bit over the "thank you" spoken softly against her ear, she doesn't comment.

Hen is smiling at him when she releases him and takes a step back.

"So you ready now to join us over there?" she points across the room. "I'm sure Buck is already missing you."

Tommy lets his gaze follow her gesture, eyes searching for a moment before finally finding and settling on Evan. He's in deep conversation with someone, could be Howie's brother, Tommy thinks and he's talking as much with his hands as with his mouth. Tommy can feel his face light up and he doesn't bother to hide his smile.

"You really like him, huh?" Hen teases, clearly amused.

"He's adorable," Tommy agrees, eventually being able to tear his eyes away from Evan and looking back at Hen. "You're okay with that? Him and me?"

"Sure," Hen says, nodding, and Tommy can't quite tell if she's mocking him or not. She clearly is. "Buck is cute and sometimes he's a dumbass. But sometimes you are a dumbass, too, so I figure that's fine." She nudges his arm with her elbow, letting him know she's kidding but he's already laughing.

"So you're not gonna give me the shovel talk? I'm relieved."

"Oh, I'm sure you've got a few of those coming your way," Hen says with a smirk and Tommy knows she's not kidding this time.

"I'd expect nothing less," he says, because he doesn't. To his surprise, he finds he's not exactly alarmed at the prospect either. If anything it's nice to know Evan's family is looking out for him. "For what it's worth, I'm not gonna push him into anything he's not ready for," he says nonetheless.

And with a nod and another smile, Hen thumbs his shoulder. "Welcome to the family, Kinard."

—

It's much later.

After Hen and him had gotten a fresh round of drinks and he'd finally rejoined the party with a much lighter heart.

After he'd sat down next to Evan, who'd immediately scooted closer and bumped their shoulders together before taking his hand. After Evan had kissed him again, soft and heartfelt and happy.

After there had been several fond smiles in their direction, and not one quip or raised eyebrow or disapproving look.

It's much later, when he's dancing with Evan, the dance that was promised and that he'd been looking forward to all night, if he's being honest. It's a slow song and they're swaying lightly to the music. Evan has his arms wrapped around Tommy's waist, leaning in close, or maybe Tommy's leaning in close to Evan, he's not sure. Either way, they're close, their bodies moving against each other softly, touching in all the right places, like a promise. Their faces are close, too, Tommy can feel Evan's temple gently against his cheek, can feel Evan's breath hot against his neck.

Actually dancing has become unimportant at some point, Tommy is to caught up in the feeling of Evan in his arms. They're letting the rhythm of the music guide them along and one moment, when they're turning slowly, Tommy catches Hen's eyes from a few feet away. She's dancing with her wife, holding her close in a way very similar to how he and Evan are holding each other close and she gifts Tommy with another smile and an approving wink.

It feels like an absolution he didn't think he deserved.

Welcome to the family.

[halfnekoslair]

My AU main design post

Might be beta >w< Maybe I'll change something. People here make such interesting iterations and mine looks very basic.

But I'll post them anyway

In the subject of eyes, I know that Leo's and Raph's eyes look a little strange in my drawings. It is intentionally so. I wanted to portray Leo's eyes so dark that instead of a pupil, only a reflection is visible. And Raph's eyes should look more animal-like because he's basically my AU's main victim)

Leo: - Was appointed as oldest brother by Splinter. - Daddy's favorite. The best at many things that Splinter considers important. - Often refuses to participate in activities where he knows he will not be the best. - Arrogant, but afraid of the slightest dispraise. - Finds himself pretty cute. >w< - Minimum gear because he's that good. -Thinks black makes him look more ninja. - Quite a positive and adventurous person actually. He sees good in people. - And makes them feel a lot of cringe by telling them about it. - Come on, bad guys. Stop being bad. - A bit of a hypocrite as he thinks it's OK to beat up robbers while his whole family is stealing groceries.

Raph: - Was considered youngest due to the fact that he was lost in the first months after the mutation, but he fought his way to the second oldest position. Literally fought) - Obsessed with physical dominance. Puts strength training far ahead of stealth. - In fact, Splinter is the only one in the family on a relatively healthy diet with him. But they still don't get along and criticize each other in detail. - Likes to look monstrous and scare people. - Not exactly anger management issue... Rather, general cruelty towards humans plus inability to express emotions in a peaceful and quiet way. His brothers often can't tell if he just being loud for the sake of being loud or because something really happened. So they mostly ignore it all. This causes a lot of resentment. - He's pretty pessimistic and it's the hardest thing to get his trust. - In fact, he wants to be proved that he is wrong. - Almost no gear because he doesn't care. He will change his mind after the first major injury.

Donnie: - The middle child who is calm in this position because they all share the same birthday. And it's all stupid. - Considered the weakest fighter in the family, but generally too smart and strategic for that to be a problem. - He thought he would catch up with his brothers in training, but seeing how Leo and Raph jumping out of their shells, he realized he doesn't want to spend so much time on it instead of things he's really interested in. - Looks most human in proportion. Sometimes he dresses as a human to get into a place he really want. - Has an old grudge against Splinter that father does not appreciate his abilities enough and prefers playing ninjas with Leo. - It's mostly him who challenges Leo as a leader by criticizing his plans. - Technical genius. Compared to those around him) Can assemble almost anything. - Bonding with Mikey and Raph around this. - Sees the world in rather gloomy colors, but willingly jumps into any adventure if there is something interesting for him. - Carries a bag with all possible stuff. Outside of combat, he often lets Raph carry it. (He would never agree to carry it if he knew even half of what's inside) - All gear that he deemed reasonable to use. Mikey: - The youngest child, theoretically, and uses this position to his advantage. - Pretty acrobatic despite looking chubby. - Splinter thinks he's a gifted ninja, but Mikey keeps screwing up in training. - Maybe he doing it on purpose. Because it's very important for Leo to be the best and so on. - The best at cooking, but makes the kitchen a mess, which causes conflict with Raph, who also uses the kitchen. - Light and free spirited. Glad to make friends with anyone without questions. Often gets into trouble. -But he always gets saved and doesn't learn anything because he doesn't get the consequences. - The peacemaker. Knows when and what to say. - But often says something stupid just to see the result. - All the gear his brothers were able to get him to wear. Because the little one needs to be protected. - Wears cartoon character keychains and rattles them on missions, driving Leo crazy. Link to the post with all parts of this AU: url It's mostly at the very beginning >w<

[anonymous-dentist]

So, as far as I can tell, after today all of the lovely Tripoiers are doing a complete 180. Now that he might come back with his memory all banged up, they’ve decided they no longer want qRoier to get kidnapped anymore! Which is awesome! For them! But I’m just here like… imagine the angst :D!!

Like imagine what would happen if the Federation takes qRoier and not only fumbles his memories, but completely wipes them. All the way back to when he first arrived on the island. He would’ve never experienced the Abueloier incident, Bobby and Tilin’s deaths, the taco incident, the betrayals, all of the friendships he’s made and has lost (kidnapped or no longer logs on). All the pain he’s experienced gone in an instant

Those who watch carefully will know how deeply all of this constantly affects qRoier. So just think of the emotional whiplash when the members of the island, who would be panicked about qRoiers wellbeing after the kidnapping, are seeing him being returned by the Federation… Happy? Like truly genuinely happy. Happier than the French have ever seen him. Happier than the the Brazilians have ever seen him. Hell, even some of the original members of the island have to do a double take because they’ve never realized how much qRoier’s mental state has declined since day 1

And not only that but like!! Would they try to get his memories back? Would they willingly try to reawaken the grief and pain he experienced so he can “be himself” again? Or would they let him start fresh?

I love qRoier with all my heart which means he gets the angst hammer! >:D (I’m so sorry! For the dump! I just like the way you analyze characters! And would appreciate your thoughts!!)

Now see the kicker is that q!Roier is a very good actor. He more or less behaves the exact same way he did before he started experiencing the Horrors, he just has a bit of a harder time openly trusting people. The only person who knows how sad he actually is rn is q!Bad, and that’s only because Roier had to tell him for the survey. He doesn’t care if the Feds know he’s sad, he’d probably go with them willingly if they asked to meet him alone. He’d scream and protest and go kicking and screaming if they actually tried doing something to him, but also?

The Feds love him. They always have, and even the current Cucurucho seems to have a bit of a soft spot for him. Even the ‘gods’ (read: the admins) will call down lightning on him if he asks, and they’ll revive him in dungeons he’s doing solo. They’ve been reviving him since week one without fail. The Feds allowed his grandfather- an “outsider”- onto the island and let him stay and they saved his life when q!Cellbit killed him because Roier was sad. The only things they’ve ever refused him are a gun and the return of Bobby, but even with Bobby they let him and Jaiden have more time to say goodbye than every other parent got combined. They pay special attention to his happiness- remember when Cellbit’s task for the day for them was to find out why Roier was sad and what would make him happy again? The entire point of the Quest for Bobby was for Roier to see how many friends he has because the Feds know he’s lonely! They’re just really bad at being a support system because they don’t understand the emotions going on.

They like him to the point that he’s actually questioned multiple times if he’s actually part of the Federation, and other people have asked the same, which definitely won’t ever come up again.

This is all to say: I don’t think they’d wipe his memories because he isn’t actually being a problem. Quackity was a problem. He was making other people sad, so he had to he dealt with. Meanwhile Roier is alone in his sadness, which isn’t optimal, but I think that they quite literally like him and his family too much to fuck with him on that level. They’ll punish him eventually, but their attempts to cheer him up so far have actually had some results. He isn’t trying to kill anyone anymore, and he’s happy enough with his family with Vegetta and Foolish and Leo (all the Federation’s favorites) and then with Jaiden (Cucurucho’s favorite) and then with Cellbit and Richarlyson (we all know how much the Feds love their favorite employee.) He’s domesticated (outside of his new bombing obsession), and that’s probably good enough for the Federation.

After all, the saddest people are oftentimes the happiest.

[somnimouse]

AAAAHHH !! YOU ANSWERED !! i literally squeaked when i checked your tumblr to see that you did !!! such a shame that the setting sourebook doesn't cone in english, but i definitely will be buying!!

oh! and, i appreciate you being willing to tell me about ryu and haru! but can i instead learn about ren? ever since i read your ryu route analysis, i've wanted to learn more about the younger mochizuki :]

sorry about the big ask, and thanks in advance!!!

No worries about the ask! I'm always more than happy to talk about NTY!!! because aaaa I love this game so much. ;_;

Going to put this under a cut because Ren's section has a little bit of heavy stuff, but it's not as bad as Haru's section (which is incredibly NSFL). Ren's section also talks a little bit about Kaori as well, and their dynamic is really, really sweet!

Warning: Contains references to CSA, child abuse, sexual assault and rape. Taken straight from the sourcebook.

To start off, Ren was raised by just his mother, who was a prostitute and wasn't exactly the best example of a loving mother. Ren was bullied in school a lot for this. Other students would insult his mother and insinuate that, because she has sex with a lot of men, Ren, too, must be sleeping with them. He got into fights all the time because of that, and his experience with these bullies was the foundation for his very distasteful feelings toward men.

Unfortunately, his mother eventually got a boyfriend who was also not a very good person. One night, when Ren was in his late-teenage years, this boyfriend snuck into his bed and molested him. Ren took a beer bottle and smashed it over his head to stop the assault, but his mother was enraged and kicked him out.

Ren eventually wandered off and found himself in a hostess club. There was a very kind, beautiful woman there with big breasts who welcomed him. After Ren had spent quite a bit of time drinking, he opened up to her about his life and cried. Much to his surprise, the woman cried as well, and immediately told him, "I will be your family, then!"

... Of course, this creeped Ren out and he thought she was kind of crazy, so he ditched her immediately and resolved never to go back. Who in their right mind would even say something like that to a guy they just met?

At some point, Ren got into a fight with a bunch of guys and lost terribly. They held him down, and a different young woman ended up raping him that night. However, Ren refused to fight back. He thought that, if he refused, he would be seen as gay. He developed a severe defensive response to being assumed gay because of his experience with bullies and his mother's boyfriend. And so, he let it happen.

(Amemiya, the director of NTY!!!, notes that Ren isn't really affected by his rape by the woman and has just brushed it aside. This contrasts with Ryu and Sorato, who have significant trauma and gynophobia because of their experience. It should also be noted that Ren is actually heterosexual, but while his defensiveness at being assumed gay is somewhat understandable, his volatile response is moreso linked to his issues.)

Ren, defeated, eventually returned to the hostess club. The hostess he ran away from never held it against him and welcomed him into her life with open arms, adopting him as her little brother.

This hostess' name? Mochizuki Kaori.

Unbeknownst to Ren, Kaori had a similar childhood. She was molested by her stepfather in the past and ran away from home at the age of 16. She ended up with a boyfriend who was into some shady business, and, one day, she and that boyfriend were targeted and shot by criminals who had it out for the guy. She was saved by Inui Kouichi, and they became good friends. Kaori eventually left her boyfriend and met her future husband, Hagiwara, who loves her dearly and would do anything for her.

It was initially awkward living with Kaori. Ren would turn red and get a boner every time she hugged him because her breasts would push up against him, but after some amount of time, these feelings subsided when he began to truly see her as family. Kaori basically saved him, and that's why he's protective of her.

Kaori eventually introduced Ren to Kouichi, who hired him at sótano as a bartender and a private investigator. Ren has some respect for the old man because of his connection to Kaori, but he ultimately views Kouichi as "too soft." That said, he still obeys his orders.

However, he was immediately awestruck by Kurosawa Ryu, who he views as the only competent man at the bar. He's everything Ren wants to be—cold, composed, ruthless and intelligent. Of everyone at sótano, Ren respects him the most and would follow him without question. He trusts Ryu so much, he even opened up to him about his past. Ryu, seeing himself and his sister in Ren and Kaori, also told him about what happened to Ai. Ryu has a particular soft spot for Ren, but he's also more strict with him than Hiroyuki because Ren keeps getting into trouble with the police by fighting with other guys.

(Funnily enough, after Haru had him drugged and shot him in the arm in the climax of Ryu's route, Ren woke up in the hospital with no memory of what happened. He said to Ryu, "Something complicated must have happened." Ryu vaguely agreed and didn't even mention who shot him or tell him the events that transpired. Thanks a lot, Mr. Kurosawa.)

It should be noted that, due to his childhood, Ren is particularly knowledgeable about the poverty industry and how society preys on the weak and the poor. Despite his harsh, cynical and unfriendly attitude, he's a good guy deep down who also doesn't like injustice. In a sense, you could say he's very much like Hiroyuki in his direct, headstrong approach to issues, and it's why Ryu worries about him just as much.

Some minor trivia about Ren and Kaori that I found interesting:

He really likes rock and visual kei music. Amemiya notes that he tends to really get into the music and "sing with aggressive arm movements" at karaoke bars. Kaori, on the other hand, likes pop music. Her singing prowess is on par with Ryu, who is described as a very good singer, while Ren is just average.

Ren is trying to make himself healthier meals. In the past, he used to survive on things like burgers and spaghetti, but he's learning how to cook.

In Ryu's route, after Kaori's pregnancy announcement, she quits her job as a hostess and becomes a dedicated housewife.

It's noted that Kaori is the only woman Ryu trusts, and this is shown in-game when he rescues Yufumi from the orphanage and hands the little girl over to her.

Ren and Kaori have tried smoking at some point in their lives, but they quit because it was too gross.

[f4nd0m-fun]

@sonicman613 @thatonegaybitch68 @hallowsden

This one is more a character thing and who I've figured out have wings.

Also, more focused on DC here, so they'll have little blurbs, but DP is just a blob of info.

Bruce Wayne was a distant descendent of Jonathan Nightingale, many greats-grandson of his only daughter.

Mrs. Nightingale fled Salem, heading north to the Gotham Settlement. Her husband was to be taken to the pyre, with no knowledge of his future child, but she knew there was no way to save him. She didn't know about the curse he had placed on the Nightingale bloodline to torment his brother, only knowing of the experiments his father had done to reawaken the long dormant bloodline.

Elizabeth was born normal enough, and the feathers never truly became wings, but they were a blight upon her back that many refused to touch. Eventually, though, she managed to marry, and her last name changed to Wayne.

Because of the nature of the curse and magic lineages often being stronger than genetic ones (depending on how the magic is curated for the lines), those Bruce Wayne takes in as his children find themselves with wings of their own, fledglings with one kind that mature into another as they grow up.

-----

The Drake's name came from their duck wings, something Janet did not like, but she'd married in for another reason. Besides, Jack seemed to be happy to let her handle Timothy most days after he was born, it was just a matter of making him agree with her.

"Remember, Timothy, keep your wings close to you, you don't want to cause problems, right?"

Sometimes, Tim could still hear his mother reprimanding him. Like that time he tried to fly.

"Timothy, no! Get back here!" She looked at the guests, and apologized to them.

After that night, he hadn't tried to fly again. Sure, short glides were used while he was following the Beasts around. But he never flew.

And when he joined the Beasts? He slowly lost even his ability to glide, wings burning away as flame robin feathers, the same kind Jason had had, slowly replaced his own, replacement holding yet another meaning once Jason returned.

Eventually, he got better, he grew new wings, the tattered ones burning into a deep crimson of a cardinal. He found out who he was, and learned to fly.

-----

Dent also has wings, but, sheet his accident, one was left scarred and burnt. Eventually, he gets a prosthetic, but he doesn't wear it when he's not flying because it's uncomfortable to wear.

People have made jokes about Harvey and Bruce being angels, Wayne with his flecked snowy owl wings, and Dent with his pure white egret feathers. While Bruce helps from above, with his charities and search for the future, Harvey strikes from below, using the law to the best of his ability, finding every loophole he can to help the victims.

But then he was burned, and the angel fell from grace. Half his body scared, wings blackened like a raven, charred like hell descended, warping the great one's mind.

-----

Jonathan Crane came from a family with literal crane wings, but the Nightingale Fenton lineage won out. Eventually, though, his wings take the form they were supposed to, better matching his lanky frame.

The experiments and abuse he faced at his father's hands left his wings battered and torn, the black sheen far from the white of the adult in front of him. Certainly, his father's wings were tipped with black, but it was nowhere near the depth of darkness that Jonathan had. Jon, though, was glad his parents had separated. His father taking him, leaving his brother safe with their mother.

As he aged in this abusive environment, an old friend of his past self began to show, taking interest in Jonathan, until he was broken enough to call on it, though it wasn't the creature's fault, the supposed father was more demon than the beast at this point, and the entity was glad to take the fledgling out of there, all but old enough to handle himself in several matters anyway.

-----

Jim Gordon has hummingbird wings. They're part of a family curse, if you want to see it that way, only passed down to the males of the family. Barbera doesn't have them, and isn't sure how dominant they are in regards to passing them down.

••••••••••

The Fenton family, aside from Madeline, have wings. However, Jazz's were acquired though the magic of the lineage and not the blood, as she's actually Harley Quinn's daughter, given to an old school friend (Madeline) to be away from the Joker.

Danny Fenton lost his wings when he gained his scars, but, like any powerful ghost, will grow into them. The most notable ghosts with wings, however, are the ancients.

Dorathea and Aragon both have leathery wings. These are tied to their amulets though and not their natural ghost power.

Sam's parents have wings. No one can figure out why she doesn't though.

Tucker somehow built a jetpack.

Ghost Writer has wings and uses his feathers as quills instead of using a typewriter. He also collects other ghost's feathers, with permission, to turn them into quills as well. These ones are in a collection though and not to be used.

Wes has wings as well, from his dad's side, though his father refused to stay in Gotham with her (Ives' sister), and took the boys with him.

••••••••••

At the moment, this is everyone.

[dent-de-leon]

Do you ever think about how DEVASTATED Molly would have been if he was still alive around the time of The King's Cage(Episode 69)?

Like, in the midst of battle his best friend, his soulmate, suddenly changes just like that? The others panicking over getting out of there and leaving her behind? How he would cry out for her as he's dragged out and she's closed in?

Like during the course of in between episodes, Molly would be quite snappy and emotional because he's missing Yasha, he's feeling more empty than ever. His solace being the dreams of memories he has with Yasha.

yES I think of this all the time it just breaks my whole heart ; ; Especially within the context of how Molly met Yasha in the first place!! Before she was Love to him, when Molly had never seen her before in his life--he still ran out to protect her as soon as he could.

The villagers look at her as a monster--the same way so many people only ever saw Molly as a devil, no matter how hard he tried to be good. An angry mob ready to tear her apart. She's a perfect stranger to Molly, someone he had no obligation to risk his own life for--but of course he does.

Of course he can't bear to just stand by and watch, not when Molly's biggest weakness is his bleeding heart. "This is my choir practice. I know what the others think, but the truth is...How do I put this...The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it." And in the novel, he confesses that he has a particular soft spot for other lost, lonely souls who feel just as shattered and Empty as him, "That's not how we are, Lucien. We love broken things the most." He sees his own gutting grief and heartache reflected in Yasha, and he just can't bring himself to abandon her. Even though she seems set on walking this path alone.

Yasha and Mollymauk only ever meet because Molly refused to leave her. Not only did he come running to defend her, he also gave her a home--the very first place she could ever truly call home since losing Zuala. A family. Love. And the two of them stay together because Yasha cares enough to rescue him in turn. Despite the fact that he's always risking his own neck to save strangers, Molly really can't fathom anyone ever doing the same for him. He's entirely shocked to see Yasha there in the woods that night, never expected her to come chasing after him. To do everything she could to protect him. "We fix it. You're not doing this alone anymore, got it?"

Molly saved Yasha first. And in turn, she looked at this little tiefling and decided she wouldn't let anyone ever hurt him either. No matter what, no matter how cruel the world was to them--they'd always stay together.

If Mollymauk had been there that day when the Nein lost Yasha, if he had to leave her behind--I don't know how he'd bring himself to go through with it. Leaving her trapped under Obann's thrall would go against everything Molly and Yasha promised each other. I think the Nein really would have to drag him away, because Molly is someone who will sooner die before losing anyone else. He did die so that Beau and the others had even a chance at escape, and he literally tore himself apart to end Lucien and save the Mighty Nein once again.

If Molly managed to make it out with the rest of the Nein, I think it would have to be because they didn't give him any choice in the matter--

And Mollymauk more than anyone would understand what Yasha is going through; the prospect of everyone and everything you love being torn away by some nightmare from a past you can't even remember? Having control of your own body torn away from you, your free will and autonomy entirely gone? Having to just stand by and watch while something else manipulates you like a puppet, uses you to hurt all the people you love? It's all Mollymauk's worst fear, and I don't think he'd be able to live with himself if he lost Yasha like that, if he had to watch her succumb to the same cruel fate that always haunted him.

And yes, I can see Molly very much losing his happy, silly Circus Man demeanor the longer Yasha is away. Becoming more withdrawn and sullen, staying up at night whenever there's a storm--still always waiting for her, even though he knows she isn't coming home. And the thought of Molly holding onto fleeting dreams where he and Yasha are back at the circus again and everything is so much simpler and happier and carefree...my heart--

If anything, I think losing Yasha would also be the catalyst to send Mollymauk tumbling down Lucien's path. If he were ever to be tempted by the allure of godly power the Eyes offered, it would be when he loses someone he loves and would do anything to get back. Even make a deal with the devil. Even if it means taking a chance that Lucien's spirit could regain some kind of foothold and come back--

[cat-mentality]

I started this like a whole week ago, it has literally nothing to do with cannon anymore, but i actually liked some parts of it so here we go.

Would you kill to save a life? Would you kill for your child?

They would. They know they would, the answer has lived deep inside them from the very beginning there is no point into trying to foul themselves or others, they answer with no hesitation.

But that doesn't mean they are ready to deal with the aftermath. No one truly is.

Maybe it all started with a kill. Maybe when resources got stolen. Maybe when a farm was burned down. Maybe it was when a mission was taken in the last possible moment. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe it was rage. Maybe it was bloodlust. Maybe it was self defense. Maybe they never had a choice. Maybe it was all manipulated by a being they don't understand. Maybe it has been fated from the start.

Maybe...

Maybe...

Maybe...

Maybe...

Maybe no one remembers why it started.

Maybe they just want to desperately convince themselves they are not the ones to blame.

It doesn't matter.

It started.

(We will not play this game, Team Red's leader had said when the bloodbath began.

This is not our fight, he affirmed when they came again, we did our part. We will not thrown ourselves into the fire for the sake of people who wouldn't do the same.

And then they are gone. Hidden, deep inside their own territory, passing ghosts with unreadable expressions beneath the gas masks, refusing to engage on the rare occasion their paths cross, killing without saying a word when others tried to approach.

The Watcher lets them. This is not their fight, at least for now.)

There is no mercy. There is no peace. There is no rest. There is only despair. There is only the need to do what's necessary for the sake of their child, there is only a treat hanging over their heads, the fear of the unknow making beasts out of men.

Only one team will survive. Only one team will be able to continue fighting.

Roier shakes. He shakes and shakes and he hates it from the bottom of his soul, he hates the fighting, he hates the feeling of bathing himself into the blood of people he once called friends.

But Roier is all that Leonarda has.

A father missing, gone for so very long. The other lost to his own pain and hopelessness.

His little sister. His family. Someone has to fight for Leo and if that has to be him, then so be it, Roier will kill however stands in his way.

He will not fail another child.

It's late at night that it all comes back to Pac, when darkness falls over everything and they have to hide from the monsters.

But he knows his monster is not stopped by the darkness.

His leg burns with phantom pain in a way it has not done since the early days when the wound was fresh. He stumbles and falls more than he ever did, like he is learning how to walk all over again, he is hyper aware of every sound, has memorized the footsteps of his teams so that he knows when an enemy is approaching.

He tries to console himself, to remember Red Team will not interfere in this battle, but what good does it do? He is still there, waiting for the moment to strike. If Pac wins this, if Soulfire comes on top, it just means he will be prey once more.

It makes him sick of himself when a part of his mind whispers that losing may not be that bad. That whatever happens to them after that, cannot be possibly worse than whatever the monster using the face of a friend will do to them afterwards.

Pac shakes and shakes, hugs himself because he is alone. Fit is gone, fighting for his own team, Mike has been gone for so very long, still recovering from his kidnapping, Forever is haunted by demons he cannot understand, Bagi and Tubbo have too much on their shoulders already.

And the other people he could trust? The one who gave him a hug, who just a few weeks before Pac called family? That person is the monster he sees in the shadows.

Tubbo clings to hope so hard his hands bleed, knowing so very well that without it he has nothing. This will end in a few days, he whispers to himself like a prayer, just a few days and it will all end.

He doesn't think about the fact that Philza looks at him with empty eyes, the way he refuses to talk to him no matter how much Tubbo pleads, how he shows up without weapons and armor. He doesn't think about how Fit looks at him like he doesn't know who he is, how he has felt the cold of his sword far too many times to count. He doesn't think about how Pac is a ghost of himself, empty eyes and detached words like his mind is stuck somewhere else, how he looks at Tubbo and still doesn't see him.

He can't.

Because if he thinks about that then he will have to think about the fact that there is a possibility that things will not be alright, that his little fond family is gone, that they are too broken to be glued back together.

This will end in a few days, he repeats over and over again, a prayer and a plea into one.

No it wouldn't, Tina had finally bite out one day, shaking while red coated her face and hands. She couldn't even know whose blood it was, her's or a friend's.

Not it wouldn't, she realizes falling to her knees in sobs. It wouldn't end, it will never end, this is hell all over again.

Tina has tried so hard to not be a demon. To not be a monster. She cannot allow all her progress to be gone in the blink of an eye, she cannot allow herself to be the one thing she tried so hard not to.

Bagi is waiting for her when the night falls and Tina gathers the courage to leave.

I care about you, Bagi had whispered as she carefully put things into a backpack unable to look into anyone's eyes, I care about you and that is why I have to leave.

I cannot watch it happen anymore, she whispers to herself, I cannot watch as you destroy yourselves trying to destroy them. I cannot love what I didn't even have the chance to own in the first place.

They leave, shaking hand in shaking hand. They have no destination, no plan but to get as far away as they can, far enough that they cannot see the bodies of those they care about.

They have lost so much already. They can't let this twisted game make them lose one another too.

And at the end of it all a team stands, victorious in the eyes of the game master, hollowed inside, covered in blood that cannot be washed out, the burned ashes of their bonds scattered in the air.

"Where are our children", they ask, they beg. "Where are our children, this was all for them."

It was all for them.

There has to be meaning to all of this.

There has to be a reward at the end of the road.

There has to be a meaning to the bloodshed.

They ask, they plead, bone deep tired, struggling to hold into fragile sanity.

And The Watcher laughs.

And laughs.

And laughs.

And when he speaks they can hear the smile in his voice, the delight he is taking from their pain.

Congratulations, he says, I would clap for you if I thought you deserved it.

Congratulations, he mocks, you are the winners of the first game.

As your reward, he continues before they can react laughing once more, you will be gifted the opportunity to take two of the children home.

You will now enter the second game, the game of the winners, he explains like it's an honor, like a praise.

The rules are simple, the last one standing makes the choice, he says gleefully.

Good luck, he says as a goodbye laughter echoing.

Would you kill a friend to save your child's life?

They would.

Oh heavens they would.

But there are no winners in this game.

There is only a person standing in a pool of blood hugging their child as wails of despair cut the air like a knife, burying themselves on their mind.

There is only pain and betrayal and destroyed bonds and dead children.

There are no winners in this game.

[artist-issues]

You're pointing out a list of "evidences" hinting at both Kylo Ren and Rey's psyche by the end of TLJ that would be very powerful to your argument. Except the evidences are misreads.

Him feeling empty and unsatisfied is at the end of TLJ is in several, major, obvious ways implied. The first, thematically, being that his ability to "eliminate those who would be a threat to his power" by his own hand literally disappears with Luke. He wanted to kill his Uncle as another emotional-demons-exorcising demonstration of his own power, not because he is a flat-out cold-blooded psychopath, eager to chop down as many family members as he can find for the thrill of it. The point is, the fact that he can't kill his Uncle by his own direct power and skill, because Luke intentionally doesn't give him that option, is the first hint that his "power" is hollow. Especially because the last words Luke says to him are "strike me down and I'll always be with you. Just like your father." That's Luke, pointing out that Kylo Ren is not learning from his past; he's just repeating the same "I bet this will make me feel whole" strategy, even though it's already made things worse for him. "The deed split your spirit to the bone." This chasing after power is empty.

And I'm having a hard time understanding that you straight-up posted a gif of Kylo Ren and Rey's expressions the last time they see each other...and you get "she does not have faith in him anymore" and "he believes once his enemies are eliminated, then he'll feel satisfied." We've seen these two characters make "I'm done with you / I'LL KILL YOU" facial expressions before. These are not it.

If facial expressions are too subjective for you, look at the context. Look at what the filmmakers are careful to set up.

After Rey rejects Kylo Ren, do you know what she does not do? Even though she obviously woke up before him? Kill him. If she had no faith in him, that would be a pretty obvious choice. He just betrayed her, tried to take her lightsaber, and admitted he was still planning on killing her friends. But guess what? She's spent the whole movie around Luke. And what that experience, combined with Kylo Ren's refusal to turn despite her best efforts, and her newfound understanding about her parents has taught her is that she can't do the Big Hero Move and talk him into turning. It's not up to her.

She's not closing the door because she thinks he'll never turn, ever, and she's lost faith in him. If that were the case, she not only would've missed the whole point of her experience with Luke (he was wrong about sitting in his failure because nobody's ever really gone) but she would've killed Kylo Ren or kept fighting him instead of leaving with her friends.

She's closing the door because he's not ready, right now, and she has nothing to say that can convince him, so she's choosing to gather insight instead of rushing in like she did when she went to turn him in the first place. It's literally her part in the movie's message; how she leaves Kylo Ren on the flagship and then on Crait demonstrates a change in her understanding of failure and what learning from failure looks like.

And she's left with the fact that Luke sacrificed himself without doing anything permanent to end Kylo Ren's warpath--because he believed "nobody's ever really gone." AND he left her with Leia, who believes the same. (Ignoring your comment about Carrie Fisher, because I don't let what actors are alive dictate what a good story could've been. Write around it. Have her daughter play the part. Figure it out, instead of throwing up your hands and saying, "well I could've written a satisfying conclusion if only the human wearing the costume and the face of my character hadn't been eliminated from my cast.)

And Kylo? His progression goes like this:

She didn't join me? She rejected me? After I saved her life and proved I understand? Just like my parents; she only wants a version of me that doesn't exist--I'll kill her! --> There's LUKE! I'll kill him, go full monster-he-thinks-I-am, just like with my father, and it'll feel better, because I'll also be proving I'm more powerful than Luke Skywalker and eliminating the hurtful past I hate --> Wait. I can't kill him. He won't let me. But he is gone. Why did he do that? Give his life before I'm out of the picture? And he said my father's always with me...he is. I can't get rid of him. Of any of it, no matter how much I scream about killing the past. Maybe it doesn't work that way. --> There's Rey. The Force is still connecting us even though Snoke's dead, meaning we're still bonded and still the only ones who understand each other--and she's still not joining me or helping me. She's leaving with the resistance, even though she knows now about her parents. And she didn't kill me. Why?

That's where you leave him: confused. Unhappy. Luke's last words ringing all too true. Nobody left to tell him that killing for power will make him feel better. Instead, his mother and Rey who actively have chosen not to kill him.

Additionally Hux? Are you serious? Of course the new Supreme Leader is throwing him around like a rag doll. Of course he's powerless against Kylo Ren directly. But it's not for no reason at all that the last shot you see of Hux is him side-eyeing Kylo Ren, like he's plotting his murder, while Kylo Ren kneels in the bunker his mother has just left.

Snoke JUST said at the beginning of the film, in reference to Hux, "And you wonder why I keep a rabid cut so close. A cur's weakness, properly manipulated, can be a sharp tool." Kylo Ren doesn't have the finesse or manipulative experience to keep Hux, a rabid cur, under control. Throwing him around (but notably not killing him) will only be an effective safety measure for so long. It's not good to have a strategic officer who's worked closely with you, had already been shown to know some of your personal interests that could be weak points, and has actively one-upped and hated you, around for a long time.

Sure, Hux could never beat Kylo Ren in single combat. He'd even be hard-pressed to enforce a full coup against Kylo Ren--since the guy is clearly powerful enough to beat whole squadrons, and everyone's afraid of him.

But at the end of TLJ, there's plenty of ways to write around this, and they're all exciting, not a stretch. All Hux has to do is manipulate one of Kylo Ren's "personal interests," like finding old Jedi artifacts to destroy or even fixating on finding Rey, and goad the Supreme Leader into doing something risky. Like, take his personal Fighter craft out to get her--and then Hux and a small group of loyal followers turn on Kylo Ren and shoot him down. Leave him stranded on the planet he was about to search, try to hunt him down from there.

At the end of TLJ we still haven't seen or learned who the Knights of Ren are--so get Hux to turn them against Kylo Ren. Now there are potential-Force wielders, or at least fighters as capable as the ones that protected Snoke and gave Kylo a run for his money, out to even the odds. And in the meantime, remember that Hux is the spearhead of Starkiller base. While Kylo Ren's being hunted down and out of the picture, he could pose a formidable threat just by way of superior tech and overwhelming-force-based strategy to the Resistance.

And you know what either of those storylines, pursued early enough in the movie, frees Kylo Ren up to do? Find Rey or his mother and spend significant time with them. Time enough to be convinced to reform. It doesn't have to be all at once and then death. It can be a gradual progression--first, sever him from the First Order's allegiance and immediate aid. Then, give him and Rey/his mother a common goal, if only temporarily--for him it's to get back into a place of power, for them it's to save the day, and they'll work out how to get each other out of the way the closer the get to accomplishing that goal. But instead, he's gradually made aware that his mother doesn't just love the idea of him--she loves him, even after all he's done. Or, Rey, who never actually knew this myth his parents call "Ben Solo," and has only known the monster, still somehow chooses to have faith in him.

All that's needed is time. Because yes, he is already halfway there, in terms of context, chess pieces that need to be moved out of the way, and relational progressions, at the end of TLJ.

Honestly, correct me if I'm wrong, but your arguments seem to be:

Kylo Ren one-dimensionally hates Rey and is more determined than ever to kill her when that door closes.

Rey one-dimensionally hates Kylo Ren, and he'd have to straight-up sacrifice everything and do exactly what she wants him to do, which is kill the big-bad, before she'll even try again.

Hux could never under any circumstances pose any kind of threat to Kylo Ren.

All of those misreads of the characters are too...please pardon me...unfounded, and unoriginal, for me to engage with further. But if you have new takes, or if I have your takes on the end of TLJ wrong, then yeah, let's keep talking.

Also can I just point out that from the beginning, the door for Kylo Ren to return to the light and save the galaxy from the First Order was wide open?

I mean. The people who created the story with new Bad Guys? Had them blow up the entire government of Good Guys in the first movie. The former heroes are all tired and dropping like flies. The new ones are untried and afraid of the Force. Good Guys need a miracle, overnight, so they put all their hope on Luke Skywalker.

Without him, what do we have?

The scavenger - she’s strong with the Force.

The former Stormtrooper - he has insider’s info on the First Order.

A gutsy pilot - he’s got training and guts from legendary heroes.

Oh but you know who has all those helpful elements combined, if only he’d be on the Good Guys’ side?

(And as awesome as that gif is, they did not redeem him early enough in the third movie, so the door started slamming shut.)

[crymeariveronceagain]

If you could write the character arcs of all the characters in the Keeper gang (sans Wylie bc I feel bad that he's included given they're all 15 and he's in his 20s so I think he should be an older brother type w his own gang of friends) how would you write them? Including Maruca here tho. I'm talking like, from book one. I'm not sure if this counts as a closed ask or not so sorry if it is.

okay technically this is a closed ask but this is such a good one i will make a teeny tiny exception for you

Sophie: Socially awkward girl who doesn't know how to be a normal and desperately wants to be -> actually maybe she's normal and okay and is going to be alright -> trauma child -> overpowered and losing her mind -> exhausted and tired and has lost her mind -> broken and exhausted and a beaten down wreck of who she used to be -> wins the battle -> learns how to feel alive again -> is still learning how to keep on living at the end of the story

Keefe: broken boy with a broken family doesn't know how to love -> gets caught in a web of lies he's been told his entire life -> has to fight to free himself from the grips of what the world has demanded he become -> is shown how to love for real and for good -> can't handle the idea of real love -> learns how to handle the idea of real love -> loves endlessly, hopelessly, madly, and purposefully

Fitz: golden child who is protecting his sister -> anger to block out the sick and horrified feeling in his gut -> only coping mechanism is failing him -> burnt out gifted kid syndrome -> desperate for approval -> reaches breaking point and does something drastic(not against murder for this tbh) ->eventually frees himself from the pressure -> finds true peace

Biana: invisible child who is constantly overlooked and has to fight for attention endlessly -> discovers that she doesn't need the approval of others -> desperately wants the approval anyways -> gives up on getting the approval -> learns that she is good enough as she is

Tam: golden child -> protective brother who would do anything to save his sister -> protective brother who literally does everything it takes to save his sister -> it costs everything in him -> legitimately doesn't know how to exist as his own person -> starts to make choices for himself once his sister is safe -> learns how to become his own person for the first time in his life

Linh: scapegoat -> murderer -> hopeless, worthless, can't do anything right, dragged her brother right down with her, she's evil and she's horrible and she will never be anything good -> does everything in her power to become good -> fights to wipe out the red in her ledger -> is endlessly kind -> learns that she was always good, deep down, and that she doesn't have to be afraid or ashamed of who she is

Marella: anti-social in just the right ways that make it hard for her to have friends -> social outcast -> literal pariah -> starts making friends -> can't escape her outcast nature -> learns that she isn't alone -> learns that she never should have been turned into such a pariah -> devotes all energy to destroying what made her an outcast so that no one will ever have to live through it again

Dex: not a perfect soldier but a good man -> forgotten and cast aside -> is desperate to prove himself -> makes some big mistakes -> does everything he can to fix the mistakes -> continues to be forgotten and cast aside -> fights to stick up for himself -> learns how to stick up for himself -> refuses to let himself get pushed around -> not a perfect soldier but a GOOD. MAN.

Stina: popular bully with confidence issues -> popular bully with confidence and anger issues -> bully with confidence and anger issues, and trauma -> angry girl with confidence issues and trauma -> broken girl with anger and confidence issues -> learns how to get over herself -> learns how to let go -> learns how to love herself

Maruca: bad at friendship -> isolates herself -> discovers that she's useful -> makes being useful her whole identity -> wears herself out by being too available and too useful and too helpful -> has to quit because it's just too hard -> self worth issues -> broken self-esteem -> breaks down about it eventually and just gets hugged by her friends who tell her she doesn't have to be something to be loved -> learns how to let go of her need to constantly be useful

Glimmer: broken, broken, broken girl -> taken advantage of and manipulated by evil people -> makes a friend who has her best interests at heart actually -> escapes evil people with friend -> learns how to exist as a member of a family -> is loved for who she is and what she is becoming

[bigskydreaming]

Hi, I was reading your post about Jason punching Dick in the face when Dick revealed he fake his death was bullshit ( which it was) and it reminded me of an issue/question that has bothered me for sometime.

Why did people believe Dick was actually dead?

I’m not the most avid comic reader so maybe I missed something but it was always weird to me that everyone just accepted this especially given how Bruce was acting or should I say wasn’t acting.

This is a man when his child died another child had to come along and told him sir you are being too violent and emotional you need supervision. When his other child died he went all over the universe to bring him back to life because he knew it was possible ( which was happening at the same time), so why didn’t anyone think it was weird he wasn’t doing that for Dick. Can you imagine Dick really dying that soon after Damian it would be injustice Batman Version. You are telling me that Tim, Jason or Barbara didn’t think it was weird that Bruce didn’t also bring Dick’s corpse to the bring Damian back to life mission or mention it to themselves. Like what more likely Dick dead and Bruce is handling it well or that he fake his death to do something stupid and Dangerous after his partner/brother/ little bit my son the feelings are complicated died after he was knocked out and woke up to his corpse.

Oh man, this is like, the entire nature of my beef?

(Slight derail just to emphasize the fact real quick that Dick DID actually die, he was just revived quickly, but like, the trauma of his death was very real and its not like anyone was clued into Luthor having a resurrection backdoor built into his literal murder of Dick in the actual moment of it happening. So Dick’s death wasn’t fake, and additionally, he didn’t have anything to do with like, telling people about it, because he was literally comatose in the cave and recovering while Bruce was telling people....by the time Dick woke up in the cave, we already know that Alfred at least had already been convinced by Bruce that Dick was dead, so I have a kneejerk need to pushback against the Dick faked his death narrative by reminding people wherever possible that Dick had no agency in the spreading of that narrative. 

It happened without him being involved, and the only actual contribution he ever made to it was just not revealing he was alive before Grayson #12, after Bruce like.....emotionally, mentally and physically badgered him into accepting that doing so would be directly harmful to his family and he didn’t want to be the reason more people died when like, people had just died because he ‘let’ himself be captured and interrogated by Power Woman’s Lasso of Submission, did he?

SORRY TO BE PEDANTIC, just wanted to start this off on a clarification, even though I know the aim of your ask was very much in tune with the rest of my response. A lot of people don’t read the actual comics, so like, I’m never gonna skip over an opportunity to emphasize that the shorthand people use to refer to Dick’s death and the year he was with Spyral, is like, literally just shorthand for describing it. Its not actually an accurate description of how all that went down and who had the most hand in it).

BUT ANYWAY. BACK TO THE MEAT OF THE BEEF.

Okay so like, not only was the entire family and Bruce himself giving Dick shit for his death and Spyral, like, PAINFULLY egregious because it was literal victim blaming in every possible sense of the word....

None of it made a LICK of sense with ANY of their characterizations, and they ONLY all accepted it on face value because the Plot Demanded It, and when you're like, no, as a reader I say The Plot Demanded It is not a good enough reason for me to be like well sure, that makes sense......looking at the characters ACTUAL actions at face value pretty much just makes them all look like assholes?

Like, Tim has never gracefully accepted anyone's death. Ever. This is core characterization for him. He will go to the ends of the earth for his loved ones and to bring them back, prove they're not dead, refuse to let death be the final verdict for them. He was tempted to use the Lazarus Pit to bring his parents back to life. He refused to accept Bruce was dead long before he had any proof whatsoever of that theory. He tried to clone his BFF/future-husband Kon in his fucking basement like, dude was two whole inches away from going Full Dark Side in his quest to bring back a lost loved one no matter WHAT the cost.....and then you've got Dick unmasked onscreen, killed offscreen, and Bruce then reporting to the rest of them with zero inflection 'oh Dick's dead now. Its very sad' and Tim's just like, sure. Sounds legit.

I mean?!?!

And you're SO RIGHT ABOUT THE DAMIAN THING! Bruce LITERALLY LITERALLY LITERALLY went BEYOND the ends of the Earth, like, he full on chartered a fucking space ship to fly his whole family out to APOKOLIPS to bring Damian back from the dead by going to EXTREME lengths.....WHILE everyone else thought Dick was dead....

And not a single person looked at Bruce and was like, okay, not that we're not down to do this for Damian because we miss Stabby Smurf something fierce ourselves, but.....what the fuck is UP with you dude? Why aren't you displaying ANY hint of this same kind of energy in regards to your eldest son that you said you watched die right in front of you?

Like....I don't know that we were actually ever told that Dick's coffin was empty or had a fake in it, but like....this family of detectives who refuse to accept death, defy death, COME BACK FROM THE DEAD....not a single one of them said like, okay, if I'm gonna like, ACCEPT accept that Dick is dead and gone for good, I need to at least just see him one last time? That's literally all it would have taken for someone to realize hey something's a little wonky here. Where's the dead body, Pops?

Since when has Jason ever missed an opportunity to prove Bruce is a) full of shit, b) acting like an emotionless robot and all his kids deserve better especially when they've just like....died, c) just factually incorrect and wrong and jumped to a conclusion before it was conclusively proved, d) lying like a liar or e) all of the above?

Nobody even ASKED if Dick's body could be put in a Lazarus Pit? Yeah, Jason wouldn't necessarily recommend it himself, given what it put him through, but actually fuck that, I take that back, because I'm NOT actually of the opinion that Jason full on hates his life and actively spends every second of every day wishing he hadn't been resurrected, even if it had come with a huge buffet of additional trauma and pain.

And that's kinda what's implied when people just take it for granted that he would never be on board with any scenario involving using a Lazarus Pit to bring Dick back, because it suggests that based even just on his own experiences and feelings, he honestly believes Dick would prefer being dead and not have ANY further opportunities to be with his loved ones, his friends, help save the damn world again at some future point.....that Jason, projecting based just off himself, legit feels Dick would rather be dead than have another shot at life even WITH the downsides of Lazarus Pit usage? Nope. Sorry, I don't buy it.

Speaking of not buying it.....you know what was missing from all those soliloquies the others monologued at Dick about how they felt and were hurt and just devastated by his death, to such a point they can't seem to muster a single shred of happiness that he's NOT dead still -

(seriously, Damian was the ONLY person in ALL THE LANDS OF EMOTION-HAVING who expressed ANY kind of positive reaction to having Dick back. We were so fucking cheated of like.....ANY opportunity to have the characters show just how much they valued him by just being fucking HAPPY he was alive, no matter what else was involved....and then most of fandom compounded that by for years being like mmmm, no, Dick didn't get yelled at enough by his family for what HE put THEM through. Needs more yelling. More punching too. Bad Dick. Bad. This is the only way you'll learn not to die and get shipped off on a mission that you don't want but at least is to protect your family after being beaten into it by your dad whilst victim blaming you for dying in the first place. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR FEELINGS FOR A CHANGE, DICK?!?)

- But like, BUT I DIGRESS aside....you know what was missing from all those monologues about how hard DICK'S death and ensuing year of basically exile from his loved ones was for EVERYONE BUT HIM?

We never got a single line of explanation as to what everyone else officially thinks even happened to him in the first place?

Like, did Bruce straight up just say oh bad news kids, your brother umm. Expired. Spontaneously. There's no one to blame, he just keeled over, its all very sad.

Is that how that went down?

You're telling me that the explanation of Dick's death didn't come with a single pointed finger at someone for this family of blame-happy vigilantes to like, BLAME for the loss of this brother they all mourned oh so much, they just couldn't help but blame him for all the hurt it caused them?

The family that in every other fic is like OBSESSED with avenging and being avenged and all things vengeful and even tangentially vengeance-y....like didn't ask for a single detail on whomst the fuck deprived us of our brother-having?

Where were the attempts on Luthor's life by Jason (who I mean, yeah I know it was in a previous continuity, but erasing that timeline doesn't erase my awareness of the time Dick killed Jason's murderer so like.....mmm, just saying, woulda been nice)....where was the rage directed at the Crime Syndicate and references to how seriously and personally the Batfam took making sure that they were PUNISHED for all this and would never be free to wreak havoc on their world or their family again? What did they tell Damian when he came back to life, and how are you going to tell me that this fraternal little ball of fury didn't aim himself like a cannonball at whomever the fuck had DARED take HIS Batman from him when Damian wasn't around to have his back?

Not only does everyone else's desire to be avenged start falling really flat the second you factor in hey maybe Dick feels "mmm what about MY avenging" sometimes, and why doesn't anyone ever care about doing that for him.....but also, y'know what REALLY sucks about the ONLY person we actually SEE being blamed for Dick's death and ensuing absence being like....Dick himself?

Not only were his family all super keen on making all of this HIS fault and HIM the bad guy because of how it made them all feeeeeeel (and meanwhile fuck his feelings, am I right Batfam hfaklshfklahfkla).....

They somehow found a way to justify prioritizing this OVER ever even getting around to blaming some villain for his death in the FIRST place, in the entire year or so they thought he was still dead!

Like, you couldn't come up with a single target in all that time, but Dick's back two seconds, and you don't even give him a chance to EXPLAIN before you're punching him, shutting him down with 'I expected better from you' and turning away with 'I don't want to hear it, why am I surprised Dick Grayson disappointed me again'?

afshklfhalfhalfhla

Make it make sense!

And like, it won't, cuz it doesn't, and it never will, and like I said at the top, the ONLY reason it all played out this way is because DC doesn't give a fuck about character development and deemed it necessary to go down this way for the sake of the plot (which was totes worth it, I mean, glad we sacrificed characters for this A+ plot which was clearly the greatest plot of all time and definitely justified every story choice made or not made around it loooool).

BUT.

BUT BUT BUT.

The problem isn't JUST that DC is stupid, even though that is an eternal mood and quite the problem.

Its that the SECOND large parts of fandom decided to play along with DC and just accept the story at face value, only add to it and play into it exactly as it happened in canon with no significant deviations, and like, heaping on the LITERAL abuse from Dick's siblings while ignoring the LITERAL abuse from his father....

THAT....is when all of this becomes relevant.

Because the second people decided TO engage with the reasoning DC gave for what Bruce did and how and what Dick did and how and just not mess with any of that and have it all play out exactly like that...

The second people are like, okay we're FINE with not just dismissing this story as OOC writing that doesn't make any sense, and actually VALIDATING it to various degrees by engaging with it as is....

That's when 'OOC writing' stops being an excuse or explanation for alllll of the above gaps in character logic and actions.

Because its like, when you had abundant chance to REJECT this story and say nope, this was bullshit from start to finish and I'm not here for it, when you were just as capable of transforming literally ANY aspect of this story you didn't like into something that made more sense to you....

And you chose not to.

That's.....accepting it as valid writing. You were like, okay, I'm game to just treat this as a thing that happened, just like they said that happened.

For the chance to give Dick shit for it, see. For the angst, see.

And that's when I'm like okay cool, so when engaging with this story as is and accepting it on face value and just delving into the characters as they were SHOWN interacting with and around these events......for the angst or whatever....

You guys just all decided en masse to just hop, skip and jump over allllllllll the opportunities for angst inherent in examining even ANY SINGLE ONE of the above lapses in judgment or hypocrisy on the parts of the characters (who don't get to be excused by OOC writing if you're not going to call the story an example of OOC writing, whoops).

And its just like, uh, what's up with that?

[astaroth1357]

The Following HC has Huge Spoilers for like Lesson 35 Onward and Also Some Pretty Heavy Themes. Readers Discretion Advised.

If the MC had Sacrificed Themselves 

You know, it could have happened. So what if it did?

Warnings: Suicide, Depression, Despondency, Death, Heavy Angst

Lucifer

His memories returned to him right as their body hit the floor… All at once, he remembered who he was and who they were and just how much they meant to him...

Only for him to see them lying there with a dagger through their chest.

For once in his life, Lucifer felt nothing but helpless. He was so confused, and now the MC was on the ground bleeding out in front of him, unmoving. As he found his way down to their body, all he could do was yell for someone to come help them… What was even happening??

He knew better than to try and pull the dagger out, but even glancing at it would send a sharp pain through his own chest… The thought occurred to him that the stab should have been meant for him, but... why? Had he stabbed them??

Did they stab themselves…? 

His brother bombarded him with questions as they stormed in, but he didn't have any answers for them. He was just as lost as they were... If the MC had stabbed themselves, then why? Why would they ever do that?!

Lucifer was still reeling as Mammon ripped the MC from his arms. He was too stunned to try and stop him as his mind finally began to put together the fragmented memories of his past few days...

Diavolo and Solomon did this. Diavolo signed off on finding that dagger, and Solomon must have given it to them in the first place! And with the MC's part in the Ring... Together they must have put an impossible burden on them… and he wasn't even allowed to know about it!

That realization opened a new sort of rage in Lucifer...

After forcing his brothers to calm down, he locked himself up in his study. No matter what he tried, Diavolo couldn't get a hold of him at all... Lucifer refused to even let him explain because what sort of explanation could he give? An apology?? He'd never be able to apologize for something this unforgivable.

Any communication done between the Demon Prince and his former friend before the MC's funeral was done through the brothers (the few who could pull themselves together enough to do so). Lucifer wouldn't even stomach Barb's presence...

As for Solomon… The sorcerer knew better than to stay in the Devildom any longer than the funeral. Lucifer didn't even have to voice his displeasure at the event; one look was all he needed to send the human packing.

Lucifer was barely seen by anyone until the day of the funeral, and he barely held himself together... No matter his feelings, he was still too proud to cry… not in front of the others... His brothers never saw a tear out of him there or anywhere...

Afterward, his working life seemingly went back to normal. He was still honor-bound to Diavolo after all, but he never warmed to the Demon Prince again. It didn't matter what he tried, if he couldn't have the love of his life back, then Diavolo couldn't have his only friend anymore... As simple as that.

And then it was almost like the MC was never there to begin with… He almost completely reverted back to his former self, but somehow even more harsh and distant to his brothers than ever before… He refused to be looked after or pitied, even if on the inside, he was falling apart...

However, even at his coldest, almost every night, his brothers could hear the piano playing from the music room… the slight hesitation between notes being the only hints of Lucifer's quiet sobs in the darkness...

Mammon

He was the first to run into their bedroom after hearing Lucifer shout, and he pretty much elbowed his brother out of the way to grab the MC's body himself… He was cradling them so close that his shirt got soaked in their blood…

The hell just happened?? He saw the MC that morning, and they were fine!! Why were they hurt now?!

When Satan finally declared that he couldn't do any more for them, Mammon could've snapped his neck. There wasn't "anything more" he could do?? Nothing at all!?

Of course, there had to be something he could do!! Literally anything!!! He could save them!! Didn't he know who this was?! This was his MC! His human!!! They weren't supposed to die like this!!

When Asmo tried to move the body, Beel, Satan, and Levi all had to pull Mammon off while he kicked and bit at them ferociously. Even with all their demon forms' combined power, they couldn't hold him back for very long and Lucifer had to intervene to stop him from attacking Asmo outright...

While Lucifer was holding him back, Mammon turned his rage against his own brother. He was in the room! Why hadn't he done anything?! What even happened?!?

Even after Lucifer explained that the MC must have done it to themselves, Mammon was still so disgusted that he flew out of their bedroom window altogether. How could his "big strong" older brother let something like that happen to them? How were all of his brothers so okay with giving up on them so easily!?

He flew up to the House's roof and took his anger out against the tiles. He could have run, but still, he hung close to the House anyway because that was where MC was... Dead or not, he'd never leave them all alone like that...

Before Lucifer locked himself away, he went up to Mammon to try and coax him back inside… Each time he tried to explain what had happened, he was met with anger - then denial... and finally just sadness… The two held each other on the rooftop as Mammon tried to process his loss… and cried… much like how they'd done after their fall centuries ago…

Mammon insisted on being a pallbearer for the MC and speaking personally at the funeral. He was their first pact, their first man, so he thought he should have that honor. He wanted to be the one closest to them, even after death... And he took on both tasks with a commitment he rarely gives anything he isn't paid for...

By the time the funeral happened, he had burnt out most of his anger... He didn't exactly have much to say to Diavolo or Solomon because of it. Though he wasn't happy to see them at all, given their part in this, he was just so spent already, and he didn't want to get sidetracked… Not in front of MC…

He mourned them even long after they were placed in the family crypt. He never truly got over their death, really… 

He buried himself in gambling for a time, but his jackpots never felt as satisfying as they used to… He felt the same with anything he'd try to buy... After a while, he just… stopped trying to fill the void with things entirely… 

Expensive items weren't going to bring the MC back to him...

He eventually developed a habit of stealing whatever reminded of the MC… The stuff he thought they'd like and whatnot... Sometimes he wouldn't even notice; he'd just come home with things in his pockets that he never remembered grabbing.

At times, Beel finds him down in the crypt hiding those "gifts" behind false bricks, but he never says anything about it… Though he'd prefer Mammon stop stealing, he knows this is his brother's way of remembering what the MC enjoyed… so he lets him do what he needs to.

Leviathan 

Levi was the second to last to get into the room, just before Belphie, and he honestly didn't know what he saw at first… It was like his eyes were on the MC, and they saw all of the blood in the room, but his brain simply refused to believe it…

It had to be a dream, right? A nightmare? A truly hellish nightmare?? His Henry couldn't be gone… could they…? Not like this...

He was only snapped back into reality by Mammon's snarling when Asmo tried taking the MC's body. He had never seen his brother so wild before; his body moved to help restrain him on its own just to keep him from hurting Asmo. 

His mind, on the other hand, was still too numb to process what was really happening…

Of all of the brothers, Levi had the hardest time accepting what had occurred. Hell, it was like he couldn't even face it… There was something in him actively trying to blank out anything to do with the MC's death…

For a few days, all he could do was sit in his room numbly and watch Henry swim… He'd try to talk to him occasionally, but the words would dry up in his throat. He just… He didn't know what to say anymore… Asmo had to eventually remind him that there was a funeral at all. He must have blocked that out too…

When at the funeral itself, he remained oddly calm… but he didn't speak to anyone. He didn't look at anyone. He never said a word… Not even to Diavolo or Solomon, he just went where he was told and waited for things to be over…

It wasn't until about a week afterward that the paralyzing fog that he found himself in finally lifted...

It was their marathon night. It felt like he had been waiting for weeks when it was finally time for the MC to come to his door. He waited for their knock…

And then he realized they weren't coming...

And like that, the dam in the back of his mind finally broke and all of the pain he had been hiding from struck him at once. The gut-wrenching cry that left his lips was so powerful that it nearly shattered his aquarium walls and flooded his room with water...

When his brothers ran to check on him, all they found was Levi curled up in his bathtub sobbing hysterically... It took him so long to stop that they had to take turns bringing him water just to keep him from suffering dehydration...

The brothers don't really know how Levi's doing any more… Beel and Asmo go to check on him sometimes, but the room is always dark... save the light of a screen or two. He never wants to talk to them anyway… 

They let him know that they're there for him, but… he's long past leaving his room anymore...

Satan

Satan knew the situation was bad when he ran into the MC's room and saw Lucifer… His calm and composed older brother was trembling and shouting, just begging for MC to move…

And then he saw the dagger.

Whatever confusion and rage he felt in that second had to be quickly pushed aside because the MC was his only concern. As the only one in the room with any human medical knowledge, he had to keep a clear head now more than ever.

While his brothers fell apart around him, Satan did the best he could to process what was wrong and how he could help…

He was quick, he used spells to close up their wound and even CPR to try and get their heart beating again... Truthfully, had the MC been alive when he got there, they would have surely survived. But as they were…?

They were already cold beneath his fingertips… Far colder than they should have been… He would later come to find out that their soul had been severed by the dagger, so no matter what he tried, he would have never saved them… They were… gone.

He had to defend himself from Mammon when he finally declared his efforts were in vain. His brother spat at him, but he wasn't afraid to fire back. Did he really think he was the only one hurting here? The MC had been important to all of them!

He had to help the others hold Mammon back, and only after he was under some kind of control did Satan let himself leave the room. He could feel a rampage coming on… but he wouldn't dare leave the MC's bedroom trashed and broken by his own hand...

That made the rest of the House fair game, though. What he ended up doing to the library alone was catastrophic, and the damage to the kitchen nearly set the whole place ablaze… For once, he had a hard time being sorry for it. He was too enraged to care...

He was right alongside Asmo when arguing that the MC deserved more than a standard human funeral. In fact, it was his idea to send a body double of them to the human world so they could keep the real body for themselves. No one was willing to let them go, so Diavolo had eventually had to relent...

Satan was the most openly hostile at the funeral. Any time Diavolo or Solomon took a step too close to their body, he'd snarl at them like a wild animal. As far as he was concerned, they didn't even deserve to be there for their part in it all this. If Diavolo weren't the Prince, he would have forced them out himself, power disparity be damned.

After their death, he did his own research on the dagger to see if there was any way for him to bring them back, but it was just as he feared… Their soul had been effectively torn from their body and sealed within the blade itself, as it does to the demons it slays...

As much as he hated to admit it, they were genuinely, truly gone now. Dead...

His emotional control tanked considerably without the MC around from then on… It was either feel the Wrath that used to consume him or wallow in the pain of their loss... And he just didn't know how to feel anymore now that he was all on his own…

His brothers left Satan alone for the most part; even Beel and Asmo approached him very carefully… He was just too violent and volatile to accept their help for the longest time… And they weren't his MC. 

No one was...

Asmodeus 

Asmo quickly became the most hysterical one in the room when he first found them. He pushed his way in right next to Mammon, clasping the MC's cold hands and wailing for help... 

But after looking into their eyes? Deep down? Even he knew no one probably could...

Back behind him, all he could hear from Lucifer was him trying to gather his thoughts while Satan worked to save them. Through his brother's murmuring, he slowly began to piece together what must have happened… Had they sacrificed themselves…?

But.. Why? Why did they do it…? Why did they think they had to?? Asmo was willing to sever their pact; he was willing to do his part!! Why did he have to lose them instead?!

After Satan declared that they'd gone and it was hopeless, Asmo was the first to beg Lucifer for answers: What happened? Did they do this?? Why didn't you stop them?!

It shattered him to have his suspicions confirmed… The MC sacrificed themselves to save Lucifer and the world at large… They were always too kind for their own good… Too giving to him and his brothers… how had none of them seen this coming…?

Asmo was put in charge of the body before they could even get Mammon away from it, and it was a fight to get him to let go even just a little. Asmo had to use all of his concentration just to dodge his brother's frenzied strikes… He didn't hold it against him. He understood. Mammon had been closer to them than anyone in a way…

He took it upon himself to clean them and prepare them for the funeral... He had to fight with Diavolo himself to have one held in the Devildom and not the human world. As much as he respected the MC's life away from them, they needed them here… No one was handling their death well…

With a combination of spells and all of his makeup talents, he was able to make them look just as stunning as they had been in life... Though every glance at their still form felt like a rock sinking further into his gut, it only seemed... fitting… for him to give them one last makeover...

He forced himself not to cry in front of them as best he could. He tried to smile, tried to talk to them as if they could still hear... He even gave them assurances as if they were scared... A funeral is just like a party if you think about it, and they'd get to be the center of attention. He promised to make them look their best…

Asmo wept the most openly at the funeral, but he didn't turn any of his anger onto Diavolo or Solomon… Diavolo looked just as broken up as the rest of them, maybe even more because the blame was on his shoulders… Meanwhile, even the fairly unreadable Solomon was trying his best not to show any tears… 

Though a part of him was still very bitter, he knew the MC wouldn't want them to fight each other anyway… Especially not there...

After the funeral, all the strength he used to keep himself together just caved… He cried every night for weeks and slowly began to lose his drive to keep up appearances... 

One month after their death, and his hair was a mess, his eyes were always puffy, and his cheeks seemed to be permanently flushed from tears… Even his enchanting allure radiated nothing but sorrow… He was, quite simply, a wreck...

He visited them down in the crypts often, usually keeping Beel company. By talking to Beel, sharing his memories of the MC, and processing his sadness with his brother, he eventually eased out of his mourning… Though he wasn't exactly "better," he started to move on...

He was the first to recover (as much as any of them could), and he tried his best to help his brothers when able, but not all of them were as lucky…

Asmo never stopped visiting the MC's tomb, though. He'd always bring fresh flowers with him and never stopped talking to them either, even if they weren't listening. He'd liked to believe some part of them were still there and happy to not be left out… 

They mattered to him just as much in death as they had in life, and he's never let them forget it...

Beelzebub 

Beel was a big guy. He's strong, tough, and even at his birth rank, he can overpower most of his siblings through raw physical prowess alone. All of that is to say that he has an awful lot going for him...

… but in those short minutes of watching the MC bleed out on the floor, he had never once felt so powerless…

When Lilith was struck, he was at least able to save Belphie… He was able to do something. But here…? He was so out of his depth that all he could do was stare...

He'd once sworn to himself that he would guard them, that he would keep them safe and make sure that he'd never have to see them in pain, but there they were… Dead before he was even in the room...

Since Mammon and Asmo were hysterical and Lucifer just… wasn't acting right, he tried to stay as calm as he could… But not even he could fight the tears in his eyes...

He had failed again. First with Lilith, now with MC… It didn't even matter to him that Lucifer said they did it to themselves. If he had been there, he would have stopped them! If he had been there, he would have pulled the dagger right out of their hands! If he had been there, he…!

Well... What did it matter, anyway…? He wasn't there at all…

When it came time to take the MC's body away, he was the first to try and pull Mammon away, but even he forgets how strong his brother can be. With everyone's help, Asmo was able to do what he needed to, but Beel wished he could have held the MC like that too...

Some part of him, at that moment, decided that if he wasn't able to protect them in life, the least he could do was guard them in death… Their body, their possessions, even their memory… All of it. He would keep them "alive," and with his family, if it was all he'd ever do…

Beel was probably the most somber at the funeral… He didn't say much, but it's not like he often does. He mostly just stuck close to Belphie to be sure his twin didn't try anything while they were there...

He was willing to forgive Diavolo sooner than the rest of his brothers because even he saw that the Demon Prince never thought it would come to this… He was less kind to Solomon, though, because he gave them the dagger to start with... At least, unlike Satan, he didn't show his disgust so bluntly.

After the funeral, Beel quietly kept his word. He would regularly go into their old room and make sure it was clean. He'd fix things so it'd look otherwise untouched. He kept track of every item and kept anything else from going in or coming out...

If he wasn't there, then he would stand guard over their coffin, quietly watching his brothers' come and go while keeping his human safe in the only way he could…

Anyone who came by would often end up talking to Beel, just because he was there and always listening, and he'd try his best to help… The MC had been so much better at supporting his family through their problems, but he did what he could do...

He found it comforting in a way… Like he was passing on what the MC had taught them and reminding them not to forget their lessons…

He'd make sure no one would forget them… no one…

Belphegor 

Belphie was the last in the room because he had been napping in the attic at the time. When he came in and saw all his brothers huddled together, he didn't know what he expected to see…

But it certainly wasn't the MC on the floor...

Naturally, fear was the first thing to hit him, but it quickly turned to anger. Who had done this?? Who hurt them?! Where were they!?!

He shouted as much over his brothers' mourning, but it was the guilt-ridden look on Beel's face that told him all he needed to know… No one had hurt them… but themselves... 

Belphie's thoughts were a whirlwind, but he knew he couldn't stay there. Not in that room, with their body and all his brothers, so he ran back up to the attic and slammed the door shut before losing his mind...

The wailing and the carnage Belphie caused up there could have put Satan to shame… He was just so ungodly pissed off at everything and everyone!! Diavolo for putting so much pressure on them, Solomon for letting them have the dagger, his brother for not saving them, the MC for doing what they did, and even himself! He…! He was mad... at himself…

He was mad that he hadn't said goodnight to them that day… He was mad that he hadn't hugged them that morning… He was mad that he hadn't asked them how their day was or how they felt about that terrible movie they saw once or why they always felt like they had to take on everybody else's problems all the time…!!

He was mad that he didn't know this was their last day to be together…

The attic room was completely trashed by the time Belphie had finally finished letting his anger out, and it ended with him kneeling in the middle of the floor, hugging his torn pillow and sobbing while the feathers clung to him like snow…

He spent much of the next few days shifting from irritation to despondency… Beel was about the only person he would talk to, so he would have to come in and make sure he had meals or something to drink between his never-ending naps…

He almost didn't go to the funeral because he couldn't get himself up for it… Beel had to dress him then carry him there, and even when he was awake, he was too busy glaring at Diavolo and Solomon to even mourn... 

He mostly cried at night… When everybody else was either asleep or doing the same in their own way… 

Some days he would be awake enough to help Beel clean the MC's things, and those days seemed to help him the most… Being in places that reminded him of them gave him better dreams at night, and if he was lucky, he could convince Beel to let him sleep in their bed for a time…

Beel and Asmo worked on talking to Belphie the most out of the other brothers, partially because Beel could get him talking the easiest, but progress was hard-fought all the same…

In many ways, Belphie just considered life without the MC not even worth being awake for...

[atlabeth]

everything happens for a reason part 11 - zuko x fem!reader

Memories, where'd you go?

part 10 | masterlist | part 12

a/n: alternative name for this fic: y/n gets a crush on every pretty girl she meets. yue, katara, and now suki. she can't help it (and she questions why they're all connected to sokka in some way lmaoo)

anyways, this is kind of filler but it establishes some more with relationships and finallyyy gets us into ba sing se at the end. i know it's a lil annoying because there's a lot of episode-to-text writing, but i promise it'll get more freeform as it goes on

also i know that i just posted something yesterday but i have literally zero patience. like i cant hold chapters i have to post them as soon as i write them loll

wc: 5.3k

warning(s): some feels over zuko as per usual, but overall a pretty tame chapter

chapter title comes from memories by panic! at the disco!

Zuko could barely sleep anymore.

He didn’t know when his life became so complicated, but he wasn’t a fan of it.

Back when it was just him, his crew, and the open sea — it was simple. He had a job, a straightforward mission. Find the Avatar, capture him, return home to the Fire Nation and regain his honor.

Now, the waters were more muddied than ever. Now on the run from the Fire Nation just like the boy he was chasing, all he really felt nowadays was anger.

Angry at the world for setting him on this path, angry at the Avatar for refusing to see what was necessary, his sister and her friends for turning against him, angry at the waterbender for making things so damn hard.

He didn’t want to hurt her. A part of him wished that she had never come back into his life, if it meant he wouldn’t have to constantly be fighting against her. He hated himself for the thought, but maybe it would have been easier for her to remain a memory of a lover than his active enemy.

Late at night, when he was reaching fruitlessly for sleep that would never come, he saw her face. The carefree energy from their childhood morphed into the shock and disappointment from both the North and their fight with Azula, and…

It made him wonder what in Agni had happened to them.

He—

He didn’t know. The way he felt about her, it was different than anything he had experienced before. Zuko didn’t know what it was, but he understood that it was special. And now… it felt like he had just thrown it all away.

Zuko couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened with her in that town — what he had done to her.

He had burned her to try and get to the Avatar, and he hadn’t even allowed a glance back at the damage he had done. He had heard her cry out in pain, pain he had caused, and he didn’t even look back.

What had happened to them? What had happened to him?

He kept telling himself that the mission was the only thing that mattered. And it was, wasn’t it? Capture the Avatar, regain his honor, get his old life back and finally be enough for his father. He didn’t have time for friends, or for these feelings he had, or— or for anything but capturing the Avatar. Because the Avatar was the key to everything, to his honor, and that was all that mattered.

But now…

Now, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know what was right, or what was wrong, or what path was the one he had to take.

Zuko just wished things could be like they used to be.

~~~~~~~~~~

She didn’t really know when everything had become a mess again.

It all started out fine, like it usually did. Toph had become fully integrated into the group, any past squabbles put to rest in the name of a stronger friendship emerging between all five of them. Katara continued to work on Aang’s waterbending (oftentimes Y/N joining them in their sessions) while Toph slowly but steadily beat earthbending into him — literally.

They had all been working hard for so long that, by decree of Aang, it was ‘vacation time’. They would all get to pick out places they wanted to spend as a break, and after it was over they would get back to work.

Aang had chosen some sort of field with musical groundhogs, and Y/N had opted to revisit an Earth Kingdom village that she had passed through on her journey to the North. Sokka had complained the whole time about how they were ‘wasting valuable planning time’, but had finally conceded after the promise of ‘all the planning his heart could desire’ from Katara after their mini-vacations were over.

Y/N was actually feeling somewhat relaxed for once, but she had forgotten the golden rule — never let your guard down. Everytime she let her guard down, something bad happened without fail. So it shouldn’t have been any surprise with what happened in the desert.

Because after one trip to the Misty Palms Oasis and a journey into the desert with a professor to a long lost library, Appa had been taken by desert raiders.

It was… less than favourable. During their escape from the library, Professor Zei had insisted on staying behind, and now the five of them were stuck in the middle of the desert with no way out and zero guidance. Add some brewing tensions between Aang and Toph because of her being there when Appa was taken, and they had a recipe for a huge disaster.

And a disaster they had. Multiple disasters, actually.

There was only so much she and Katara could do to hold the group together, but by some miracle, they made it out of the desert with only one Avatar State mishap.

(And an incident with cactus juice, but… she didn’t really want to talk about that.)

....at least they had the information about the Eclipse. That was about the only thing keeping her together at the moment.

They had to get the information to the Earth King so they could formulate an attack with his warriors, but without Appa, they had to resort to more traditional methods of travel. Add in one passport problem, and that was how Y/N found herself braving the Serpent’s Pass alongside a refugee family with a baby on the way.

It was… intimidating, to say the least. Despite being surrounded by her element, Y/N didn’t feel any safer from the challenge that faced them. She took a deep breath, trying to tamp down on her fear the way her mother had taught her, as she followed the group, but her thoughts were soon interrupted.

“Hey.” She turned to see who the voice belonged to and was greeted by the girl that had teased Sokka early — Suki, if she remembered correctly. “I haven’t seen you around; are you with the Avatar or that family?”

“I’m with Aang,” Y/N explained. “I’m from the North, and they offered me a spot with them after they helped us defend our tribe against the Fire Nation. I’ve been with them ever since.” Suki nodded as they settled into a comfortable stride.

“That’s cool. Are you a waterbender?”

She gestured to her waterskin and smiled. “Yeah. I’ve been training with Aang and Katara ever since I left.” Y/N then turned her gaze back to Suki, raising an inquisitive brow. “Your makeup — what’s it for? I heard you talking about the Kyoshi Warriors back there; is that some kind of thing with Avatar Kyoshi?”

Suki grinned, her every expression heightened by the sharp reds and blacks above her eyes. “We’re a group of all-female warriors that use the teachings of Avatar Kyoshi and her partner Rangi to defend our home and the place she founded, Kyoshi Island. I’m the leader of our village section.”

“Wow,” she murmured, her eyes falling to the ground for a moment before finding their way back up to the warrior. “That’s really cool. You’re really cool.”

She laughed and shrugged. “Thanks. I’ve been training as a warrior for almost my whole life, so it just comes naturally. I like being able to protect people, and there’s no better way to pay back my home for all it’s done for me like protecting the whole village.”

“Wow,” she repeated with a small laugh of her own. “That’s really brave. I gotta say, I’m kinda jealous — I would love to see what would happen if Master Pakku met you all. Katara literally had to beat the sexism out of him in order to train to be a master.”

Suki chuckled. “Sounds like what I had to do with Sokka. Guess it’s a thing with Water Tribe guys, huh?”

At the mention of Sokka, she internally laughed. There had to be some kind of connection between the two of them, the way their interests kept aligning. “Sokka… he’s had it hard. I can’t blame him that much for any kind of attitude he had before he met you. Pakku, on the other hand? He had to have had something better to do than fight teenage girls.”

“You would think so, right?” Suki agreed. “And Sokka… I know. He’s got a heart of gold underneath all that, he just needed a little push to get it out.” As Y/N glanced over at the girl, noticing a slight pink tint under the white makeup, she gasped.

“La’s fins, are you two a thing?” she exclaimed with a grin.

Suki flushed even harder as she suddenly became very interested in the ocean around her, but she couldn’t help the smile on her lips. “No! I mean— yes— but… but—” she stopped to gather her thoughts before making eye contact again with a sheepish smile. “We’re not… really a thing, but… I do like him a lot. I didn’t really think I was going to see him again after they left the island, so this is really nice.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Y/N asked. “I can already tell that he cares about you — have you seen how careful he’s being with you?”

“Well—” Whatever kind of excuse Suki would’ve made up was interrupted by a rock falling out just under Than, one of the refugees they were with, saved in the nick of time with Toph’s earthbending.

“I’m okay!” he reassured, but no sooner had the words left his mouth before the Fire Nation ship in the distance started firing.

“They’ve spotted us!” Sokka yelled. “Let’s go, let’s go!”

Aang flicked his glider open and deflected the blast, and Katara grabbed Y/N’s hand as they all began to run. Another blast rocked the mountain, causing several boulders to fall just above Suki. Y/N didn’t even have time to shout out a warning before Sokka tackled her out of the way, but it was ultimately more of Toph’s quick earthbending that saved him.

“Suki, are you okay?” Sokka brushed dust and pebbles off of her uniform as he examined her, and once he was satisfied he grabbed her hand and helped her up. “You have to be more careful! Come on!”

As the two of them caught up to Y/N and Katara, she gave Suki a knowing look. The warrior only blushed once again and glanced away.

After hours of navigating the pass, they were only about halfway through. Sokka made the executive decision to set up camp for the night to give everyone time to rest, and then they would get up at the crack of dawn to finish their trip. It only took a few minutes for Y/N to get a fire going, and soon everyone had settled in with their sleeping bags. Sokka got up from his spot as Suki wandered closer to the edge, and Katara nudged Y/N with her shoulder.

“Hey. How are your hands doing?”

“They’re fine,” she answered with a small smile, flipping her hands over as proof. Where there were once red burn scars on her palms only tiny white marks remained — one benefit to healing via waterbending was that most injuries were able to fade away completely after enough sessions. Her burns weren’t very serious and she was able to heal them almost immediately, so both her and Katara were sure that the marks would be completely gone soon.

The mental scars wouldn’t fade as easily.

“That’s good. And you’re taking care of them, right? Like, you’re not beating up people while we’re not looking?”

Y/N grinned. “No. I think I’ll leave that to Toph.”

Katara chuckled and nodded, turning her hands over in a final examination before nodding. “Good,” she repeated. The silence between them, although comfortable, stretched out for a little too long before she spoke again, this time much quieter. “He did this to you.”

“Katara…”

“I know,” she said. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this from me, or really at all, but… I’m worried about you. Zuko isn’t good for you. Every time we’ve run into him, he’s hurt you. And you deserve so much more than that.”

“You don’t understand,” she countered. “You don’t know Zuko like I do. You weren’t there when I was. I know you think I’m insane for still believing in him, but I— I can’t let go of him, Katara. I know the Zuko I love is still in there somewhere, and I have to try and find it. For me and for him.”

Katara’s eyes were full of nothing but sympathy as she sighed — it was obvious she didn’t believe her words, but in true fashion she was still trying her best to be supportive.

“Okay. I don’t understand it, but… I don’t think I can change your mind.” Y/N chuckled sadly and nodded, Katara’s piercing gaze meeting her own once more. “It’s just… Why are you playing with fire when you know you’re going to get burned?”

And for once, Y/N didn’t have an answer for her friend.

~~~~~~~~~

The night went by quickly, which Y/N was thankful for. It meant that the nightmares didn’t last as long.

After a quick headcount to make sure no one had fallen off the pass overnight and an even quicker gathering of their things, they set off to finish their journey.

It went just as well as she had expected — a giant serpent, the namesake of the pass, had attacked them while crossing through an underwater section. Thankfully, she was able to aid Katara and Aang in defeating it with waterbending with no casualties

But in the wake of one disaster there was always another, and before Y/N knew it a baby had been born. She was mostly there for moral support — Katara had it all handled, and Y/N didn’t expect anything less.

But finally, they had made it across the pass, and they were so close to Ba Sing Se that she could almost smell the city air. Sadly, though, that meant it was time for them to part ways — Aang to find Appa, and Suki back to her warriors. After some sad but hopeful goodbyes with Aang, it was time to bid farewell to Suki.

“Are you sure you can’t travel a little longer with us?” Y/N questioned, apparently not above pleading to try and get the girl to stay. “You’re— you’re amazing, and we’d really love to have you with us.”

“I can’t even imagine what travelling with the Avatar would be like,” she smiled, causing Y/N to get her hopes up for just a moment before they fell back down. “But I can’t stay. I have to get back to the Kyoshi Warriors.”

Y/N sighed, her gaze falling slightly downcast. “I get that. I just really wish you could stay. Or that I could meet your warriors. You seriously don’t know how cool you are, Suki.”

“Well, if you’re ever in town on Kyoshi Island, find us. I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out and do you one better than just meeting them all,” she said with a grin. “I think it’d be pretty cool to have the first waterbending Kyoshi Warrior.”

Y/N was unable to prevent the heat rushing to her cheeks as she smiled shyly, once again averting eye contact. “That would be amazing. I’ll have to find my way back there after the war.”

Suki bumped shoulders with her, causing a startled laugh to spill from her lips. “We’d love to have you.”

“Wait, why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye to her?” Sokka questioned as he walked up to the two of them. Y/N winked at Suki and gestured at him with her head, walking off before Suki could protest to find Katara.

The conversation the two girls were sharing was an extremely thinly veiled excuse to eavesdrop on the lovebirds, and when they kissed Y/N actually had to hold back a scream.

Sokka deserved this. She knew how much he beat himself up over every little thing that went wrong, and it was about time he got to relax even for a moment. She only hoped that Suki would be in their corner of the world sooner rather than later.

What could she say? She was already fantasizing about life as a Kyoshi Warrior.

~~~~~~~~~

Although they had parted ways, they soon found themselves reunited with Aang to stop yet another Fire Nation threat.

“For the love of Kuruk,” Y/N murmured as she stared into the distance, her eyes wide at the sight of a large mechanical drill. “That was Ty Lee who just took down all those soldiers. And if she’s here, Mai and Azula are with her too. Guys, It’s one thing to stop this drill, it’s another thing to take those three down with it.”

“The question is, how do we do it?” Aang questioned.

“Why can nothing ever be easy?” Sokka lamented. His gaze remained trained on the drill for a moment before he realized theirs were on him. “Why are you all looking at me?”

“You’re the idea guy,” Aang said.

“Wait, so I’m the only one who can ever come up with a plan?” he protested. “That’s a lot of pressure!”

“And also the complaining guy,” Katara muttered, drawing a chuckle out from Y/N.

“Now that part I don’t mind,” Sokka admitted.

“Well, Sokka— you were a huge help in the North, and you figured out a way to defeat the Fire Nation during that eclipse at the library! Plus, there’s all that stuff that Katara told me you did before I joined.” She patted him on the back. “If anyone can figure out how to take that thing down, it’s you.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, his ego only slightly bolstered. “...okay. I think I can do it.”

“That’s the spirit!” she said with a smile.

Unfortunately, that smile faded as a young guard came running up to the wall. “Excuse me, Avatar and friends — I’ve heard that you’ve dealt with that… that pink girl down there before.” They nodded and he continued. “It would do us a great deal of help if you could come down and look at our injured soldiers, then.”

Y/N and Katara nodded in unison and started to follow the guard, the remaining three trailing after them. They ended up inside the wall, in what looked like an infirmary of sorts with all the cots and soldiers lying around, and the two waterbenders exchanged looks.

“You know what to do?” Katara asked.

Y/N hummed in acknowledgment, and they both knelt down next to separate cots. “This definitely looks like Ty Lee’s work,” she murmured as she bent water up from the pot and molded it over the man’s arm.

“What’s wrong with him?” the general questioned. “He doesn’t look injured.”

“His chi is blocked,” Katara explained. “Who did this to you?”

“Two girls ambushed us,” the soldier said, moving his arm as he regained feeling. “One of them hit me with a bunch of quick jabs and suddenly I couldn't earthbend anymore and I could barely move. Then she cartwheeled away.”

Katara sighed as she bent the water back into the pot. “You were right, Y/N. That was Ty Lee — she doesn’t look dangerous, but she knows the human body and its weak point. It’s like she takes you down from the inside.”

As if struck by lightning, Sokka lit up. “Oh, oh, oh! What you just said — that’s how we’re going to take down the drill; the same way Ty Lee took down all those earthbenders!”

“By hitting its pressure points!” Toph exclaimed with a grin.

The breakthrough brought a steely determination to Aang’s features as he looked out into the distance. “We’ll take it down from the inside.”

~~~~~~~~~

Like everything they did, it seemed so simple on paper. But now that she was actually inside the drill, it felt a lot more nerve wracking. Toph opted to stay outside where she could see and try to slow down the drill with the earth at her disposal, which left the four of them to somehow take it down from the inside.

Sokka led them through a hallway with a myriad of valves and pipes as he thought out loud. “I need a plan of this machine — some schematics that show what the inside looks like. Then we can find its weak points.”

“Where are we gonna get something like that?” Aang asked.

Sokka thought for a moment before he took his machete out and hacked a valve off a pipe. Y/N instinctively took a step back and shielded her face from the hot steam. “What are you doing?” she cried. “Someone’s gonna hear us!”

“That’s the point!” he exclaimed. “A machine this big needs engineers to run it, and when something breaks—”

“Someone will come down to fix it!” Katara finished with a smile at Aang, a sentiment the boy returned happily.

It was surprisingly easy to take down the engineer once he arrived — with a little bit of frozen mist on Katara’s end, they had the plans they needed. Sokka’s expertise combined with the blueprints got them to the beginning of the outer shell.

“Wow,” Sokka muttered. “It looks a lot thicker than it does in the plans. We’re gonna have to work pretty hard to cut through that.”

Katara crossed her arms. “What’s this ‘we’ stuff? The three of us are gonna have to do all the work.”

“Look, I’m the plan guy!” Sokka explained with a gesture to himself. “You three are the ‘cut up stuff with waterbending’ guys. Together, we’re Team Avatar!”

Katara and Aang looked wholly unamused while Y/N chuckled. “Team Avatar. I like it.”

“Thank you,” he smiled. “At least someone appreciates my genius.”

“Tui’s gills, why do you have to keep boosting his ego?” Katara complained. “Let’s just get this done before it gets worse.”

The three of them got in position — Katara and Aang on opposite sides so they could pass the stream of water between them, and Y/N making the point of the triangle to work on the other side on her own. They were hoping it would be more efficient being able to cut through both sides at the same time, but it was proving to be much more difficult than they had imagined — halfway through the three of them were already exhausted.

By some feat of strength they were able to completely cut through the brace, but their hard work didn’t pay off in quite the way they had imagined — when the beam only shifted a few inches she groaned.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” she breathed as she wiped sweat off of her forehead.

“At this rate,” Katara paused to inhale deeply, “we won’t do enough damage before the drill reaches the wall.”

“I don’t know how many more of those I have in me,” Aang said sadly.

A large creak suddenly rang throughout the large chamber, and they all looked up for the source.

“Did you hear that?” Sokka asked, already backing up to make an exit. “We took it down! We gotta get out of here, fast!”

Just as they reached the door on the other side, a crackle followed by the sound of a man’s voice dashed their hopes. “Congratulations, crew. The drill has made contact with the wall of Ba Sing Se. Start the countdown to victory!”

A collective silence hung in the air between them, the threat now even more imminent as their situation sunk in. Mai and Ty Lee had proven effective in taking down any Earth Kingdom threat posed at them, and despite Toph’s skill they knew she couldn’t take down something like this on their own.

They either had to figure out a way to destroy this drill, or the Fire Nation was going to make it into the city.

Sokka ran back over to the brace and pushed against it, putting all his strength into the feat but to no avail. “Come…. on! Move!”

Katara started pacing around in a small circle, crossing her arms again as she tried to think of something. “This is bad. This is really bad.”

“Sokka, that’s not going to work!” Y/N didn’t mean to snap, but the grinding of metal on metal combined with her nervousness got to her. She sighed and ran her hand over her face. “I— I’m sorry. But it’s still not going to work.”

He groaned as he leaned against the brace. “We’re putting everything we have into busting these things, but it’s taking too long!”

Suddenly, Aang jumped up from the ground with stars in his eyes. “Maybe we don’t need to cut all the way through! Toph — she’s been teaching me that you shouldn’t put a hundred percent of your energy in any one strike. Sokka, get in a fighting stance.”

Sokka complied and as Aang talked through his points, he demonstrated it on Sokka. “You've got to be quick and accurate. Hit a series of points and break your opponent's stance. And when he's reeling back, you deliver the final blow. His own weight becomes his downfall, literally.”

As Sokka fell over from the attack, Katara lit up. “So we just need to weaken the braces instead of cutting all the way through—”

“—then I can go to the top of this thing and deliver the final blow!” Aang finished.

Y/N helped Sokka up from the ground, his spirits not dampened at all. “Then boom! This whole thing goes down!”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Y/N asked, flexing her fingers to refresh them for all the bending she was going to have to do. “Aang, Katara and I can handle the braces. Focus on getting up to the top before anyone sees you.”

He nodded and they all met each other with determined eyes. “Everyone inside that wall, the whole world — they’re all counting on us.”

“Here, take this. You need this more than I do. ” Katara took her waterskin off and handed it to Aang. “Good luck. And be careful.”

Y/N noticed a slight blush on her cheeks and she had to hold back her smile. That was definitely something she was going to tease her friend about later — when they weren’t trying to stop the Fire Nation from breaking into Ba Sing Se.

“I will,” he assured. Aang slung the strap of the waterskin around his shoulder and took off, and Y/N and Katara got to work breaking through the rest of the braces.

With the knowledge that they only had to cut through half of each column and the revitalization that came from having a plan, their work went by much quicker. Just when they finished the final brace, it all went wrong.

“Good work, Team Avatar!” Sokka cheered. “Now we— Y/N, duck!”

She didn’t question Sokka as she immediately dropped to the ground, something she was immensely thankful for as a blast of blue fire seared past her. Her eyes snapped up to the source of the attack and narrowed in recognition.

“Of course they’re here,” she growled as she pulled herself back up. “We gotta go, now!”

Katara and Sokka nodded and they all started running. Bringing up the rear, Y/N was able to hear Azula’s words right before they split off into an intersection:

“Follow them! I’m going to find the Avatar.”

Sure enough, when she allowed a glance back, Mai and Ty Lee were closing in on them. She flicked open the cap of her waterskin and bent some out, managing to freeze it at just the right moment to block the incoming daggers from Mai. Still running, she melted it quickly and let it fall to the ground before freezing it again, creating some ice on the ground that would hopefully give them a few more seconds of leeway.

“That should give us some time!” she yelled as they turned a corner, finally turning her attention back to the path in front of them. “Any idea how we’re gonna get out of this thing?”

“Maybe!” Sokka yelled back, slowing to a stop as they came to a dead end, a large hatch the only thing at their disposal. He started tugging on the wheel in an attempt to open it, and when Y/N joined in they were able to wrench it open.

“Slurry pipeline?” Katara frowned as she read the sign on the wall and looked at Sokka. “What does that mean?”

“It’s rock and water mixed together,” he explained as they looked into the rushing liquid underneath the hatch. “It means it’s our way out!”

Katara nodded and climbed in, Sokka following close after. The sound of metal footsteps got closer and closer, and Y/N ducked inside just as Mai’s knives clanked against the hatch. Never before had she been so happy to be floating in a stream of slurry.

The rest of their mission went by surprisingly easy — at least, on their end. All it took was some waterbending — earthbending, when Toph joined them — and encouragement from Sokka (though unappreciated by Katara). Whatever magic Aang was working at the top of the drill had done its job, because soon enough the drill had collapsed in on itself.

And now, they had reunited on the top of the wall overlooking the sunset. After the chaos that had been their day, it was nice to just relax for even a moment. And there was no better way to do so than with her friends.

“I just want to say, good effort out there, Team Avatar!” Sokka exclaimed as he threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulder.

“Enough with the ‘Team Avatar’ stuff,” Katara said dryly. “No matter how many times you say it, it’s not going to catch on.”

“I like it, Sokka,” Y/N smiled. “I’ve liked it this whole time.”

“You always appreciate my genius, Y/N,” he mused. “That’s why I appreciate you.” She laughed and leaned her head against his shoulder as he continued to list off names.

“How about… the Boomeraang squad! Eh? See, it’s good because it’s boomerang, and it has Aang in it—”

“Yeah Sokka,” Toph interrupted. “We got it.”

Aang grinned and scratched his head. “I kinda like that one.”

“The Aang Gang. Ooh, the Fearsome Fivesome!”

“You’re crazy,” Toph muttered as she walked away.

“Wait, Sokka—” Y/N pulled away from him and held up her pointer finger. “Aang Gang — what if we combine it, so it’s just the Gaang? But still with Aang’s name?”

And at that moment, Sokka looked more proud than ever. “Oh, you— you are a genius.”

“Oh, spirits,” Katara groaned. “Why do you insist on encouraging him?”

“You’re just jealous of our name-making abilities,” Sokka said haughtily.

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “You two are completely ridiculous, you know that? Let’s just get into the city before the trains stop running.”

Y/N and Sokka winked at each other as they all started walking, unable to keep the smile off of her face. She always thought it was amazing — they went through insane things every day, but at the end of it all she was always able to smile because of them. And as her gaze drifted towards the city in the distance, she hoped it would hold true.

She had no idea what Ba Sing Se had in store for her.

-

shit is gonna happen next chapter so i hope you all are READY bc im not

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

atla tags: @marianne1806 @brown-eyed-thang @akiris

ehfar tags: @chandies-sideblog @zacatecanaaaa @anzanity @randomthingssss @escapingthoughtsandsecrets @shanksfav @shephard17895 @ilovespideyyy @carisi-sonny @selfship-mishaps @i-belong-in-fandoms @ilistentotayswifttocope @i-make-questionable-choices @3leni

[cherryblossom-chopper]

How do you think Ace and Sabo would react to their female S/O sacrificing their life for them? Like headcanons or a scenario. Tysm for your time💜

It is time for pain :)

Ace

-Anger is the first emotion he feels. It masks the sadness and overwhelming sick feeling in his stomach. Ace can't do anything but sit and feel rage. So much so that steam is coming off his skin.

-He blames everyone in the world for his loss, including his partner. He's angry at them for leaving him by pushing him out of the way, for risking everything for his worthless ass. Ace is mad at his partner because he knew he could've survived the attack; he would've been fine after a few days, but no. They had to jam their shoulder into his back, knocking him to his knees.

-Ace is angry at himself because the bastard son of Rodger didn't deserve saving, certainly not by an angel in human form. He should've been watching his partner's back instead of competing with Marco. It was a real fight, not a game, and he was treating it like it was.

-Ace will bite and bark at everyone around him. He becomes literally untouchable, his skin burning anyone who tries. Ace becomes increasingly hostile to his crewmates and even more aggressive towards his enemies. Ace didn't like hurting people, but now he had nothing to lose, so what was the point?

-It takes a lengthy discussion with Whitebeard to finally cool off his steam. Whitebeard sits with Ace and shares stories of those he's lost. Pops gives Ace a comforting pat on the back, telling him that his heart will be scared and some days will be better than others. Whitebeard loved (Name) too, but knows their efforts were not in vain unless Ace wastes his life in anger.

-Whitebeards words get to Ace. They sit heavy in his heart, and he finally gives in to his grief. Ace sinks to his knees and cries in front of his captain. He lets every bit of himself out, slamming the wooden floors with his fists, wailing, and begging any Gods listening to bring his Sunshine back to him.

-Whitebeard can only mournfully watch his son unravel, but Newgate has lived a long life and knows that this is the first step to healing.

Sabo

-Sabo feels an overwhelming amount of guilt and numbness. How could he let this happen? Late night promises where not just broken but shattered.

-After the loss of his partner he spends a lot of his time staring at nothing. He’s completely lost into his memories. Sabo tries to to remember everything about his partner. Their face, the feeling of their hand in his, and the sound of their laugh.

-Koala does what she can to ease his grief but she lost a friend too. She grieves quietly at his side. Sabo is grateful for Koala’s company, but it doesn’t do much to ease the queasiness in his stomach.

-Sabo tries to pour himself into his work. Dragon had allowed him some time off and paper work stacked up. Going back to his work is futile though. He sits and stares and thinks about nothing but the day he lossed (Name).

-What else is he suppose to do? He was suppose to protect them, they where his partner, his best friend and he let them slip from his fingers.

-When his work begins slipping, Dragon and Ivankoff try to get involved, but they’re met with anger. Sabo finally rages. Everything comes pouring at when Dragon offers his sympathies. Sabo blames Dragon for (Name) being on that battlefield. Dragon knew they weren’t ready and he still sent them.

-During his meltdown, Sabo finally says it; It’s not my fault. And in that moment, everything slows down. He’s suddenly so tired.

-He sinks to his knees, his legs can no longer support him. Fighting gravity is too hard. With salty tears on his face, he looks to Ivankoff for help or guidance.

-Ivankoff can only offer a few wise words and a shoulder to cry on. Later, behind closed doors Ivankoff will asks Dragon to send Sabo home. The boy needs his family, Ivankoff insists; yet Dragon will refuse.

-Though, it doesn’t matter to Sabo. The suffocating guilt begins to ease and his memories are tinted rose colored. Small smiles come his face and a bit of light returns to his eyes. The progress is slow, and he misses (Name) more than anything but there’s no longer pain.

[likealittleheartbeat]

I deeply appreciate how ATLA depicts all the main characters responses to trauma. Aang’s, for me, however, stands out for its rareness in media. And we are not hammered over the head with the idea that Aang (or any other characters) repeatedly act certain ways because of a single traumatic event. Sure, there are key moments in our lives when a certain event comes to the forefront, but no one experiences the world as constant flashbacks. Rather, we see only in retrospect the way our sarcastic sense of humor or our heightened friendliness were protective responses to a deep emotional injury. Being able to understand Aang’s approach to loss is essential for the show. The structure of the series is founded on his arc (despite an incredible foil provided by Zuko). Our little air nomad initially confronts the loss of his people with a full-on meltdown in the episode “The Southern Air Temple,” where Katara’s offering of familial belonging soothes him. But this kind of outburst is not Aang’s primary response (and actually the literally out-of-character apocalyptic tantrums align with Aang’s overall process of grieving). Instead of constantly brooding (hey Zuko!), Aang leans heavily toward the monk’s pacifist teachings and toward his assumed destiny “to save the world.” He becomes overtly accommodating and joyful, constantly trying to see “the good” in everything with a perfectionist’s zeal. This is not to ascribe his bubbliness only to his trauma. Rather, he comes to emphasize this part of his personality for reasons related to the negative emotions he struggles to face.  Book 1: Water

In the first season, Aang is simply rediscovering his place in the world. “Water is the element of change. The people of the water tribe are capable of adapting to many things. They have a sense of community and love that holds them together.” This is vital to Aang as he initially faces his experience. He won’t get through this if he is not prepared for his life to change. Even if he hadn’t been frozen for 100 years, his world would never be the same. This fact involves eventually finding new people that he feels safe with. After such a massive loss, he’s learning who to trust, and also often making mistakes; not only does he find Sokka and Katara (and I’d argue he’s actually slow to truly open up to them), this is the season where he helps save a fire nation citizen who betrays him to soldiers, befriends the rebel extremist Jet, and attempts to befriend an actively belligerent Zuko (his moral complexity had only JUST! been revealed to the kid!). He’s constantly offering trust to others and seeking their approval in opposition to the deep well of shame and guilt he carries as a survivor of violence. This is also the season where Aang swears off firebending after burning Katara in an overeager attempt to master the element (one will note how fire throughout the series is aligned with, above all else, assertiveness and yang). Aang is so eager to be seen as morally good to others that he refuses to risk any possible harm to them.  And asserting himself carries a danger, in one sense, that he might make a mistake and lose someone’s positive regard, and, in another sense, that he is replicating the anger and violence he’s witnessed. He has no relationship to his anger at this stage of his grief, so it comes out uncontrollably, both in firebending and the Avatar State. It’s through the patience of his new family that he can begin to feel unashamed about his past and about the ways his shame is finding (sometimes violent) expression in the present. Book 2: Earth In the second season he begins to trust himself and stand his ground. Earth, after all, is the element of substance, persistence, and endurance. The “Bitter Work” episode encapsulates how Aang must come to a more sturdy sense of his values. First, there is the transition of pedagogical style. While Katara emphasized support and kindness, Toph insists on blunt and threatening instruction, not for a lack of care towards Aang. Instead, it’s so Aang learns how to stop placing the desires of others above his own--to stop accommodating everyone else above his own needs. Toph taunts Aang by stealing one of the few keepsakes from the monastery that he holds onto. This attachment to the lost airbending culture is echoed in the larger arc with Appa. And, by the end of this episode, it is Aang’s attachment to Sokka that allows him to stand firm. This foreshadows the capital T Tragic downfall in the “Crossroads of Destiny.” Aang gives up his attachment to the other member of his new found family, Katara, despite his moral qualms. Although he has access to all the power of the Avatar state, his sacrifice is not rewarded. Season 2 illustrates Aang coming to terms with his values. He is learning about what he stands for, what holds meaning to him. Understanding himself also includes integrating his grief, and there’s a lonely and dangerous aspect to that exploration. We see Aang’s anger and hopelessness over longer stretches rather than outbursts in this season. It’s hard to watch and hard to root for him. That depressive state leads to actions that counter his previous sense of morality, as he decisively kills an animal, treats his friends unkindly, and blames others for his loss. Letting these harsher feelings emerge is an experiment, and most people discover their boundaries by crossing them. Finding ways to hold compassion for himself, even the harm he causes others, is the other side of this process. Our past and our challenging emotions are a part of us, but they are only a part. Since Aang now has a strong sense of community and is learning to be himself rather than simply seeking validation, we also see him having more healthy boundaries with new people. He’s no longer befriending villains in the second season! He’s respectful and trusting enough, but he’s not putting himself in vulnerable situations nor blindly trusting everyone. Instead, he’s more likely to listen to his friends’ opinions or think about how the monks might’ve been critical towards something (they’re complaints about Ba Sing Se, for example). By knowing what he cares for, he can know himself, the powerful, loving, grief-struck monk. And he can trust that, though he might not be everyone’s favorite person, he does not need to feel ashamed or guilty for who he is or what he’s been through. Book 3: Fire However, despite a sense of self and a sense of belonging, Aang and the group still find themselves constantly asking for permission throughout their time in Ba Sing Se. It’s in the third season, Fire, that initiative and assertiveness become the focus. And who better to provide guidance in this than the official prince of “you never think these things through,” Zuko. It’s no longer a time for avoidance or sturdy defensiveness. It is the season of action. Fire is the element of power, desire, and will, all of which require us to impact others.  We see the motif of initiative throughout the season: the rebels attempt to storm the Firelord on the Day of the Black Sun; Aang attempts to share his feelings and kiss Katara; Katara bends Hama and a couple of fire nation soldiers to her will. In each of these examples, the initiators face disgrace. Positive intent does not bring forth success, by any means, only more consequences to be dealt with. This is perhaps Aang’s biggest challenge. He is afraid that his actions will fail, or worse, they will succeed but he will be wrong in what he has chosen. The sequencing in the series, here, is important. We have already seen how Aang has worked to care for (and appreciate) the well-being of others and how he has learned to care for his own needs. With this in mind, he should be able to trust that his actions will derive from these wells of compassion. But easier said than done. Compassion can also trap him into indecision, hearkening back to his avoidant mistake in the storm, in which the whole mess began. Aang’s internal conflict, here, becomes more pronounced as the finale draws nearer. I think it’s especially significant that we witness Aang disagreeing with his mentors and friends. He must act in a way that will contradict and even threaten his sources of support if he is to trust his own desires. Even the fandom disagrees about the choice Aang makes, which further highlights the fact that making a decisive choice is contentious. There is no point in believing it will grant you love or admiration or success. For someone who began (and spent much of) the series regularly sacrificing himself just to bring others peace, Aang’s decision to prioritize his own interests despite the very explicit possibility of failure is the ultimate growth his character can have and the ultimate representation of him processing his trauma. (This arc was echoed and made even more explicit in many ways with Adora in the She-ra finale.) The last significant time Aang followed his desire, in his mind, was when he escaped the Air Temple in the storm. To want something, to trust his desire and act on it, is an act of incredible courage for him, and whether it succeeded or failed, whether anyone agrees or disagrees with it, it offered Aang a sense of peace and resolution. Now I appreciate and love Zuko’s iconic redemption arc, but Aang’s subtler arc, which subverts the “chosen one” narrative and broke ground to represent a prevalent emotional experience, stands out to me as the foundation for the show I love so much.