#-be the most important and special person id ever met in my life

[nextstopparis]

ok i know that the line “i don’t want you to change, i want you to always be you” is widely beloved and appreciated As It Should Be, but i also just think like. that is quite literally the best thing anyone but especially arthur could’ve said to merlin. like i just think it was so special and important because its such a reassurance. im pretty sure under any other circumstance it would’ve even been euphoric to hear.

bc like. it comes after Years of merlin genuinely believing, and telling gaius “arthur will never really know me because he won’t ever know about my magic.” living with the lonely belief that his best friend would never actually know him. arthur says it right after days of “i would know” and “i thought i knew you” and “im still the same person.” right after “you’ve been lying to me all this time” and “so that was another lie.” it comes even though arthur isn’t even Close to understanding Just How Much merlin has done for him and sacrificed and just how much he’s capable of.

but he says it anyway!! hes like i may not even know half the shit thats been going on in your life but i Have known You. i wasnt wrong. i Do know you. you Are the same person with or without the knowledge of your magic. you have been known by me even if your magic hasn’t. and THATS. LIKE. i mean it makes sense when you think about it because all the trust and admiration that arthur had for merlin (“you’re the only friend i have and i couldn’t bear to lose you” and “i think you, merlin, are the only person i can trust” and ESPECIALLY “i always thought you were the bravest person id ever met”) was for a merlin who arthur didnt know had magic. so yeah it makes sense to arthur but like. IT COULDVE BEEN LIFE ALTERING for merlin.

all those years believing one of the most important people in his life wouldn’t understand him or know him because of this One Thing he couldn’t tell him about. all that worth and identity he put into people Knowing about his magic meaning they Know him and the isolation that mustve caused because No One Could Know. and now someones finally looking him in the eye like!!! look!!! you always been one of the best people ive ever known!!!! and thats not because i know about your magic!!!

idk. i just think it was like. the best thing arthur couldve said to him bye

[melodiousvoid]

I really relate to this. It took so long for me to accept I’m probably autistic and ADHD, despite so much evidence, in large part BECAUSE of the language around special interests and hyperfixations. They’re not quirky little pastimes, they’re an engrained part of me, and they’ve altered my life in ways most real life people could never dream to. That’s no insult to real life, but a testament to how important these different projects and interests have been within my life.

I’ve definitely ranted about this before, so here’s a Pinterest comment I wrote about my most recent (and probably forever ongoing) special interest, The Magnus Archives.

(Image ID: This must be what it’s like to be immortal, long living. How do you translate the language of your soul to others, when it’s written with the songs of people they haven’t met? When you have become a paint swirl of your past and their eternal, frozen present, distinct and fused and intertwining all at once? When your self is a collage of every person you’ve known, every story you carry with you? I’m over-caffeinated, have way too many emotions about this, and and I want to SCREAM // end ID)

It makes me really sad when no one gets how important a piece of media is to me, so I’ve completely stopped sharing that info unless someone else is also as deeply into that show or podcast or book or concept.

And there are more layers to this, because most of the stories and concepts I focused on as a child had some element of me in it, like autistic-coded characters before I knew what autism was. I didn’t see myself in human characters, I saw myself in robots, androids, in animals, in wise creatures and aliens and ghosts and things not-quite-human. I ONLY saw myself presented lovingly when the character was not a human. Therefore I will never fully think of myself as human. Without these stories I would have no place in the world. Having these stories is the only way I can reframe the world into a place where I belong.

How do I concisely explain that to someone who sees special interests as “obsessive and weird” or “childish” or “cute and fun” or “quirky”? There’s such a presumed lack of depth that makes me want to never use “special interest” to describe my interests to ANYONE in real life, ever.

It’s not like it’s a life-threatening problem, and I have the privilege of being taken seriously most of the time. This is partly because I’m undiagnosed and can pass (barely) as neurotypical. Invisibility is both isolation and protection where I come from. Still, it’s painful to know that I might never meet another person who understands, even a little bit, how these stories and pieces of art came to shape who I am and who I choose to be.

to say fae is " special interest " feel like very very much not understand what fae really mean to gwydion , and need dismiss with little name . 

fae is everything in brain , is how understand everything . 

during short time in high school , get permission to theme certain real world assignments about fae and legend instead … could not get interest and motivate to even start try otherwise . 

really also love collect things that make think about fae , which is something need be very careful about because that could easy make hoard . sometimes instead collect digital things , like items in games , so still satisfy without hoard out . but even that can be problem when take time and focus away from things that need do .

see self in fae stories , and for various reasons , very big part in identity that nothing else would be same without . this can be upset and frustrate when see people say things wrong or cruel about familiar and favourite stories , and need remind self not really so serious and meaningful to ... really everyone .

but even with those problems still could never think about trade , or try " fix " so that less intense . because also bring so so much joy , and give ways understand things that otherwise maybe not in reach . ( there is several things that talk about here , which would not understand half as good if not have fae to think about and help understand . )

so " special interest " ... more and more feel this just reduce and dismiss , not even think about how deep and important to self . even other people here now often use special interest to mean " fun TV or game " and not much more ... 

this what brain consume by . this is how get through world . this is how see and feel everything . " special interest " - feel like might as well just say " gwydion like fae " as if that can explain even little bit about how much impact really have . 

[frontproofmedia]

A Tribute To Muhammad Ali

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By Sina Latif

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Published: June 03, 2023

"He took a few cups of love. He took one tablespoon of patience. One teaspoon of generosity. One pint of kindness. He took one quant of laughter. One pinch of concern. And then, he mixed willingness with happiness. He added lots of faith, and he stirred it up well, then he spread it over a span of a lifetime and he served it to each and every deserving person he met."

This was Muhammad Ali's response when he was once asked how he would like to be remembered. For somebody who is amongst the greatest boxers of all time and one of the most influential sportspeople and social activists in history, there was no mention of his boxing career or as an advocate for civil rights, which points to the true caliber and multi-faceted nature of the man. Granted, Ali was by no means perfect. He had his flaws, as we all do. However, a person's evolution should always be considered before judgment is passed. Thomas Hauser, who wrote the biography on Ali's life, 'Muhammad Ali: His Life and Times,' released in 1991, somebody who spent a lot of time with Ali, said in an interview with Boxing Social in 2019: "There was a time in his life when Muhammad fit his religion to what he had wanted to do, but by this point in his life, that had passed, and he was now conducting himself in a manner that he felt was in accord with the tenets of Islam."

An extract from 'Ali: A Life' by Jonathan Eig tells a story of one day in November 1982 when an elderly African man and a young boy rang the doorbell of Ali's house. The elderly man stated: "We are here because, before I die, I wish to introduce my grandson to the great Muhammad Ali." They had traveled all the way from Tanzania. Ali let them in, fed them, and drove them in his Rolls-Royce to their low-budget airport hotel. Ali hugged and kissed them and wished God's blessings upon them. On the drive home, Ali told his friend Larry Kolb about a Tallying Angel that watches him all the time and keeps count of his good deeds and sins and said: "I've done a lot of bad things. Gotta keep doing good now. I wanna go to Paradise."

Mike Tyson said the following about what made Ali so special: "He loved them (people) more than they loved him." As a successful black man, Ali always used his platform to speak up for the rights of those not as fortunate as himself.

As Ali stated in 1983: "Boxing was nothing. It wasn't important at all. Boxing was just a means to introduce me to the world."

Ali was put on this Earth with boxing as the platform for a greater purpose. A heavyweight boxer with in-ring talent, openness to the public, looks a sense of humor, and transcendent charisma and courage, coming along at the perfect time. The Vietnam War and civil rights era were in full flow when Ali was in his prime. He was active during the greatest era in the history of the heavyweight division, blessed with a special talent as a boxer to grasp people's attention in order to make a real impact outside of the ring, fighting for the rights of his people the same way he was fighting for world heavyweight titles.

In 1964, Sonny Liston was regarded as the most fierce, powerful, and intimidating heavyweight of his era, possibly ever. Ali's stunning victory over the seemingly unbeatable Liston, showing speed and agility never before seen in a heavyweight contest, truly started his legend. How correct the young 22-year-old was in screaming, "I shook up the world! I must be the greatest!" Neither Ali himself nor the rest of the world knew the true extent of the boastful then - Cassius Clay's statements. For the next 50 years, this man would continue to shake up the world, both in boxing and beyond.

It started the very next morning when Ali announced that he had joined the Nation of Islam. Soon after, he denounced his birth name, Cassius Marcellus Clay Jr, and announced that he was henceforth to be known as Muhammad Ali. After this, his impact on society started as he became a revolutionary figure, a symbol of the 1960s civil rights movement. Ali became a voice for civil rights and a hero of the anti-Vietnam War movement.

In 1967, Ali risked his boxing career and prison by refusing to be inducted into the United States military on religious grounds whilst the US was at war in Vietnam. He famously declared: "Man, I ain't got no quarrel with them Viet-Cong."

Ali was booed prior to his fights. "I pity Clay and abhor what he represents," columnist Jimmy Cannon wrote. Former light heavyweight champion, Billy Conn, said: "I'll never go to another one of his fights. He is a disgrace to the boxing profession. And I think that any American who pays to see him fight after what he has said should be ashamed." Hard to imagine now, but Ali was, at one point, the most hated man in America. David Susskind, the American television host, once addressed Ali by stating the following: "He's a disgrace to his country, his race, and what he laughingly describes as his profession."

Many were unwilling to respect or acknowledge that Ali was no longer named Cassius Clay. Ali's savage beating of Ernie Terrell in February 1967, when Ali frequently yelled "What's my name?" at his beaten opponent, who refused to acknowledge his rightful name of Ali, became somewhat symbolic of Ali's battle for respect of his evolution and beliefs.

With a record of 29-0 with nine consecutive title defenses, Ali was stripped of his heavyweight title and had his boxing license withdrawn by every major state boxing commission in the US, preventing Ali from fighting in the country, and he had his passport taken away, preventing him from making a living outside of the US.

Facing a potential five-year prison sentence, which Ali later successfully appealed, he said: "So what? We (black people) have been in jail for 400 years."

He did not fight between March 1967 and October 1970, being unable to compete between the ages of 25 and 28, and so his pugilistic peak was missed just as he was entering his sensational prime.

"Due to his beliefs, he was robbed of the best years of his life. That's a subject that we must not forget, ever," Ali's late trainer Angelo Dundee said in an interview with ESPN.

1960s Ali, prior to the inactivity, was the best heavyweight the world had ever seen. Before Ali, heavyweights were typically ponderous sluggers. They planted their feet and swung away. Power and chin were the most important factors. Then came Ali, a revolutionary heavyweight with an unprecedented style. He held his hands low, a huge red flag in boxing, and dodged punches whilst relying on his reflexes, moving his head backward in a straight line. He did unconventional things but made them work. For a big man, he had unmatched movement, speed, exceptional footwork, reflexes, great ability to gauge distance, athleticism, timing, and a beautiful rapier-like left jab that would have been transcendent in any era. He would move gracefully around his stationary opponents on the outside, circling, shuffling, feinting, keeping his hands low at his sides, punishing them with jabs and precise, lightning-quick combinations delivered with power from unexpected angles. A heavyweight who moved like a lightweight. He brought poetry and grace to a violent sport. He did indeed 'float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.'

Once Ali returned in 1970, he was no longer a butterfly floating, and he recreated himself. Now, it was his ring IQ and underrated physical strength, alongside his incredible will and heart, which led to his success.

After previously becoming champion at the age of 22 and cleaning out the 60's era prior to his exile, that first chapter of Ali's career was impressive enough to have earned him a spot amongst the great heavyweight champions. His exploits in the '70s cemented his greatness and legend.

A few of Ali's fights in the 70s became legendary spectacles that brought the world to a halt. The Fight of the Century against Joe Frazier, Ali's first professional defeat. The Rumble in the Jungle in Zaire, when Ali regained his title from George Foreman. The Thrilla in Manila, when Ali and Frazier concluded their trilogy with a tremendous show of will, at a physical cost to both.

After over three years of inactivity, Ali had immediately started fighting the dangerous top contenders of the '70s, no tune-ups, and proceeded to clean out the Golden 70's era, the deepest heavyweight division of all time, in quick succession, by fighting and defeating all the viable contenders and all-time great champions of the time, while he was no longer in his own prime.

He is a three-time lineal heavyweight champion in an era of unbelievable talent between 1964 and 1978, rewriting the history books. None of the other great heavyweight champions fought as many dangerous in-prime opponents as Ali.

Many feared for Ali's life prior to his showdown with Foreman, but after defying logic and widespread fear to reacquire his heavyweight title with a huge upset knockout win, Ali shook up the world, not for the first time.

Against Liston and Foreman, in fights where there were legitimate fears for Ali's health against two of the hardest-hitting and most intimidating heavyweights in history, he triumphed as a huge underdog.

When Ali lit the Olympic flame at the 1996 games in Atlanta, he became a symbol of hope and bravery for people suffering from Parkinson's disease.

Ali changed boxing forever.

In time, the world's views changed on Ali. He became loved by millions, and no matter what level of fame he attained, he always had time for people, whether the media or the general public. He was always very open and stood for something bigger than boxing. Ali showed everybody that the impossible is nothing. Aspirations, no matter how grand and against the odds, can be achieved.

As Maya Angelou once said: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Ali's speech may have deteriorated more and more over the years, and his physical appearance changed over time, but not even Parkinson's or age could dim the light of Ali.

To quote Ali from a news conference in Houston on October 28th, 1984: "What I suffered physically was worth what I've accomplished in life. A man who is not courageous enough to take risks will never accomplish anything in life."

His aura and legacy continue to grow forevermore.

(Featured Photo: Len Trievnor/Express, via Getty Images)

[sunlitsakuras]

I should make. A flowerfox tag

[witchthewriter]

✦ 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞 ✦

🌹 gender neutral reader, requests are open!

𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

SFW

・Deception was her play; and it was always a safety-net. However, being an Avenger quickly took the anonymity from her cache of weapons. Her famous red hair and iconic black widow moves had been seen by the world.

・ So it was a bit of a tongue-twister when she sat before you, at your job, asking for a beer. 

“Oh, er - sorry what was that?” You stuttered, a pit forming in your stomach.        

       “The house beer, or is that not available?” She responded, a certain look in her eye. It didn’t take you long to spot it; exhaustion.

“Oh of course, yeah, gimme a sec-” You turned to the fridge behind you, and leant down, pulling on the steel handle. Popping the cap, you gently placed it in front of her.

Natasha pulled her hair back from her face, tying it in a loose ponytail. She was even more beautiful up close.

    “Don’t need to check my ID?” She smirked, taking a sip.

With a tilt of your head, you replied, “I think I can trust you.”

    “Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I was you...”

・Surprisingly, she’s a homebody. She loves to stay home, wrapped in a blanket and watching one of her favourite movies (James Bond, Indiana Jones, The Outsiders & Legally Blonde).

・Whenever you’re together and there’s a loud noise, she’ll push you behind her or if you’re in a different room - she’ll go to you and make sure she’s between you and any threat.

・Speaking of threats, she’s got many enemies and in this world - with aliens, robots, magic - no one knows what will happen in the next hour. So, Nat told you about a safe house, she gave you all the numbers for important people (Tony, Steve, Bruce etc)

・As an Avenger, you worry for her so much. She hates seeing you so scared, but promises that she’ll be back in time for dinner.

・If there is another threat Nat will call you instantly, tell you to get to the safehouse; she’d call you within another 20 minutes to make sure you’re there

・Most definitely teaches you self-defence; hand to hand combat, as well as, guns, bow & arrow, knife etc.

・Opening up about her past is tricky, but when she realises that you’re her forever person, then she would feel safe enough to talk about it.

・You buy her flowers every friday afternoon, so the weekend feels even more special. She adores it. You buy her a different kind of flower every time.

・You’ve met Yelena and get on so well. You’re a chaotic duo that Natasha didn’t expect.

・Your trope is the: dumbass x I guess this is my dumbass that I have to protect with my life

・ You guys are good friends with Wanda and invite her over for meals, movie/sitcom nights. You're all really great friends, and have introduced her to Yelena too.  

・ SHE LOVES IT WHEN YOU READ TO HER; especially if you use different voices/accents for the characters. You've read her to sleep and tucked her in.  

NSFW 🔞 (go away minors, literally i don’t want to be the cause of your internet trauma bro)

・I- she is so passionate. Every unspoken word, every feeling she keeps inside - she shows you with her mouth, her tongue, her fingers, her body.

・  Wants you to feel like you’re the only person she’s ever loved

・ She’s usually in charge; biting and licking until you’re moaning her name so loud that the neighbours complain

・Likes it when you spontaneously pull her into the toilets while you’re shopping, or desicrate Tony’s office

・Have had sex in nearly every room you’ve been in together

・High sex drive but not to the point where it’s suffocating.

・She likes it when you drip hot wax onto her bare chest and bite down on her nipples

・Loves nipple-play; pulling, squeezing, pinching. She likes it when you clamp something down on them; pegs, clips etc.

・Likes tying you up, and you wanted to do it to her too but it doesn’t turn her on that much do to the fact that it’s unrealistic.   “Baby, I can get out of these knots with my eyes closed,” she purred. Her dark eyelashes, red lips and slight red cheeks making your groin ache. (And she did btw. Even with your best ties/knots.)

・...she likes to roleplay ... but the sillier roles like doctor/nurse x patient, policewoman x criminal.

・She likes eating ass

[xgryffinwhore]

Hey! Can I request a jaeden martell x reader where basically their charters are dating on a tv show and they are really really good best friends in real life and they they both go on the Jimmy fallon show and he keeps on asking if they’re dating because everyone thinks they are and when they say no he obvi doesn’t let it go lol and it ends up slipping up that jaeden did/ does have a crush on reader and they maybe end up sharing a kiss in front is Jimmy & audience & stuff😶just an idea i had 😂:)

i love this idea wow, thinking i’m going to put my own little twist on it but i think you’ll still be pleased ;)

just friends

warnings!: suggestive topics, fluff

word count: 2.1k

five

your face was being touched up with powder, the cotton pad dabbing at your nose as the white powder absorbed into any oil your face may have had.

four

you look over at jimmy, this wasn’t your first talk show, but it had been the biggest one with the most following. it was intimidating, you bounced your foot up and down and played with your hands.

three

behavior jaeden had grown to recognize. he knew you better then you knew yourself, your anxiety was worse then you put it out to be. “you ok?” he questioned, “fine, i’m fine” you painted a small smile on your face. but he wasn’t easily fooled.

two

he grabbed one of your hands and rubbed circles into your palm, this sent vibrations of relaxation down your spine.

one

his eyes locked with yours, you swore they were a different color each time you saw them. sometimes more blue, sometimes more green, sometimes dark with mystery, sometimes light and playful.

‘aaand where on air’

you wiped the hand that was interlocked with his off on your dress, it was clammy. the curtain came up fast, and your vision was soon flooded with bright lights and silhouettes of bodies.

making out the faces in the sea of people was impossible, but you knew your friends were out there. they had flown out to see you, a) they could go see new york and b) you were on national television, and they wouldn’t miss it for the world.

jimmy was talking, you knew that much, but your nerves took over and honestly you weren’t registering a damn thing he was saying. the crowd cheered, you snapped out of your daze.

“and here tonight, we have jaeden martell and y/n l/n from the new HBO tv series: turning tables”

he turned to both of us, and gave everyone time to clap. he tired to speak over the loud hands, moving on with his show, but the crowd made that difficult. eventually the clapping died out and he could continue.

“now, i’ve watched all of the episodes but, for the people who haven’t seen: can you explain what the show is about?” he looked a jaeden, you let go of a breathe you had held in.

“s-sure” jaeden turned to face the audience more, he was soft spoken and shy, so it was important he projected as much as he could.

“turning tables is a teen drama. it’s about families of poverty in the seattle washington area and how they struggle to go to school and work. my character, jennings cooper, is the main protagonist. the show is mainly from his point of view, and how he struggle to support his family.”

jimmy nods and smiles, he looks pleased with his explanation. i’m truth the show wasn’t that simple, he knew that. but, it would take so long to explain.

“and y/n, who do you play?” he knew the answer to this obviously, but you were becoming a crowd favorite. everyone loved your personality, and you were an up-and-coming a list celebrity.

“i play parker marlow, jennings girlfriend” you blushed at this statement, the crowd giggled and ‘ouuu’ed. jimmy rubbed his hands together, getting excited at the upcoming topic of discussion.

“so, your romance on season one was steamy” you thought back to the scenes you did together. all of the kissing, which felt normal at this point. he wasn’t a bad kisser, in fact- you didn’t mind it at all. your romance through the season built up to a sex scene, your mind flashed through the memories of filming it.

filming those scenes isnt half as steamy as you think it is. it’s awkward, you laugh a lot. you had never felt that exposed in your life! however watching it was different, it looked so real, so perfect.

you blurred out your thoughts, mr. fallon still speaking on the subject. “can we expect more -“ jimmy searched for your ship name, it was on the tip of his tongue. the combination of your first names on the show didn’t make an attractive combo. it was either jarker or pennings. your last names matched a little better.

“-carlow” jaeden finished for him. jimmy nodded and smiled “yes- carlow- can we expect more carlow next season?” you both looked at each other and smiled. the writers for the show already had the next four seasons laid out. you knew that carlow was a continuing relationship on the show.

“yes, you should expect more of that sort of content from us” you stated. the people in the crowd had a positive responce to this, the applause lapping until it died out once again.

“right, your characters have so much chemistry in the show. two struggling teens just trying to break even.” jaeden agreed “yes, our characters balance each other out, and being from the same background helps them associate. jennings is kind of a bad boy-as the ladies say- he’s a felon, he steels cars and sells them to counterfeit manufacturers and dealers for money. parker, y/n’s character, has a job at a diner. she shows him the light at the end of the tunnel if he chooses to go down a good path.”

“yes, parker gets jennings a job at the diner with her, and he falls for her sweet disposition even after everything she’s been through” you add.

jimmy licks his lips and pops another question: “so id imagine the chemistry in the show heightens the real life thing?” he cocked an eye brow, the group gasping at the intrusiveness.

“jaeden and i are just friends” you blurt out, your nerves working up again. it was hard, you liked jaeden ever since you had your first kiss with him.

“y-yeah” he stutters, he obviously wasn’t expecting this either “friends” jimmy shakes his head and puts his finger on his lip “recently, you both have been showing a lot of pictures of you two together on social media.”

the audience ‘awwwed’ at the photos that displayed behind you. on the screen, there were pictures of you and him that were on both of your instagrams. you two at gardens, getting food, even watching movies at each other’s houses.

“for just friends, these photos looks intimate , wouldn’t you say” a bunch of ‘yes’’s and ‘mhm’’s came from the crowd as both of your faces became red.

“we’re just best friends, honestly” jaeden laughed nervously, he fixed his hair with his hand has he always does.

“right right- can you tell me when this photo is from?” jimmy asked, the last picture flashing on the screen. it was of you both, you had just filmed your first scene together.

the first scene you filmed together was episode two, he saved you after you fell into ice cold water. it was how the characters met, and it was filmed at a cove on a windy august day.

the picture was a little blurry, but it added character. he had his arm around you, both of your hair soaked, and you share a huge towel. you remember how cold you were, your teeth chattered so rapidly. his hair was stuck to his forehead and more small pieces went up. and your lips were almost purple, half from the makeup, half because you swore that was the coldest water you had ever went in.

“that’s from when we first started filming, it was the first time we met in the show” you recited, re living the memory in your head. you remember jaeden pulling your head into his chest when the wind began blowing. you remember his thumb trying to create friction on your back to make you just a little warm.

“yes yes- you two look so adorable!” jimmy squealed, he was the most teenage-girl-grown-man you had ever met. his hand opened one of the drawers in the faux desk he sat behind, pulling out a small blue camcorder.

the camcorder.

you know how on tv shows, there is special footage? sometimes it’s just behind the scene specials but sometimes- sometimes - it’s footage the actors document when they were just having fun? yeah it was one of those camcorders.

the camcorder was brought in by the two other co hosts wyatt oleff and finn wolfhard (i know this cast is sooo original not really) they played jaedens two best friends on the show. while they weren’t filming, they’d dick around and talk about stupid stuff. you’d never seen what they filmed, but you had been featured quite a few times; their by them pranking you, or invading your personal space.

you looked over at jaeden, you watched his adam’s apple bob and a thin layer of sweat flush over his face. he bounced his leg slightly, a habit he had picked up from you.

“let’s just review our material here” jimmy teased, his tongue darting out between his teeth. the video began to play, the sound was loud; assumingely for jaeden quiet voice in the tape.

the video started with wyatts unsteady hand, him and finn were running around set, they stopped at jaeden, he was playing on his phone in his trailer.

“jaeden wesley we have come for you” finn yelled. you could see jaeden shoot up from his chair. “hey guys” he waved. they talked for around a minute, jokes and all. then finn started to giggle, wyatt zoomed in on jaedens face.

“so jaeden, how’s y/n?” he chuckled, jaeden blushed “she’s ok i guess dunno.” wyatt stopped zooming in when the only thing in frame was jaedens head. “the kiss was good hm?” wyatt asked. jaeden continued to play on his phone, he nodded. “yeah, she’s pretty cute too.”

the video cut to another segment, this was filmed after the sex scene. you knew because jaeden laid on the bed you, in the same underwear that he wore during the scene. the boys were jumping on the bed, and jaeden took the camera and talked to it.

“this is for memory and memory ONLY! h-hey y/nnn” he was talking to the camera like it was you “you’re amazing and cool” you could hear finn explode into laughter as he stole the camera back and started running “yeah! and he wants your babies and loves you so much-“ “SHUT UP FINN!!!” and jaeden chased him around.

the video was taken off the screen. your face had become close to ghostly white. it was weird, it was almost like he was dumb enough to think finn wouldn’t give jimmy this blackmail goldmine. you looked at jaeden, he hit his bottom lip until it was red, he itches his neck and laughed it off.

“yeah ok-ok jimmy, maybe i liked her back in the day” jaeden tried so hard to be casual, but jimmy hit him with a heart stopper: “but mr martell, the last clip was filmed less then a month ago!”

your mind flickered with memories and ideas of him.

your first time meeting, how good his hand felt in yours. when you wiped icecream off his chin, and him dotting icecream on to the top of your nose. the way his hair always fell perfectly above his eye brow. and SHIT how he always smelt so fucking good. how he let you fall asleep in his arms and how he never complained when you put on some stupid romcom and-

“y/n?” jimmy questioned. “huh?” you spaced, come on y/n you gotta stop doing that. “i asked how you felt about all of this.” “well, there isn’t a right word i can use.”

jaeden took this has a bad reaction, he did a small wave to the crowd and stood up to get off the stage.

you stood up, grabbed his hand, and laid one right on him. kissing him felt normal, but now that there was emotion behind it, it just felt so right.

you both stopped for air, the crowd went wild. jimmy was clapping too, you could barley hear them, your heart was pumping throughout your whole body. you swore jaeden could hear it.

after the show, you sat in your dressing room for a bit, contemplating the events of tonight, and how they were all broadcasted for your embarrassment. but it was only the beginning. only the beginning of what was to come for mr. and mrs. jaeden martell.

[agent-whiskeys-sweetheart]

Meant To Be (ii)

Pairing: Hotch x F!Reader

Summary: Over a year after your first interaction with the BAU, it is finally time for your first day as an official team member. Even with all the excitement of the day, the biggest thing you look forward to is seeing Aaron Hotchner again. However, your perfect first day quickly turns out to be not at all what you had imagined. 

Warnings: None, some angst? 

Word Count: 5,585

A/N: Just know that I promise things are going to get better lol.

NOVEMBER 2007

QUANTICO, VA

For the first time in your life the sound of your alarm is a very welcome one as it rouses you from your light slumber. The whole room is filled with light as the sun streams through the cracked blinds. You had been in this apartment for two months now. It had taken some getting used to but it was starting to feel like home. That was very important to you seeing as Quantico was where you were going to be for the foreseeable future. It took you no time at all to sit up in bed, throwing off your blanket. When you got up to start getting ready, everything was exactly where it was supposed to be. Your clothes draped over the chair at the end of the bed, your go-bag on top of the dresser, and your entry paperwork out on the kitchen table. As always, you had thought out every minute detail. You are determined to make sure that your first day at the BAU is perfect. It had taken excruciatingly hard work and dedication to get to where you are now. Nothing and no one is going to spoil it for you.

After getting dressed in record time you grab your go-bag off the dresser and head out to the living room. You set it on the table next to your paperwork and make your way into the kitchen. Scrambled eggs and toast sound like a good way to start the morning so you get out a skillet and a few eggs. Before you even have a chance to turn on the burner the sound of your phone going off in your bedroom causes you to run back in to check it. As you pull it off the charger you immediately smile widely at the name that flashes on your screen.

“Hey there Miss FBI Agent. God, that sounds good doesn’t it? FBI agent. Or maybe BAU agent. Didn’t I hear you say SSA once? What does that mean? Is it good? It sounds pretty powerful.” 

“It means Supervisory Special Agent. And anything you call me that means I’m not hallucinating this whole thing is fine with me.”

“I like that. SSA Y/N L/N. Sounds official. Which is exactly what you are as of today! How are you feeling right now?”

“Excited. Prepared. Kind of like I’m on top of the world.” 

“As you should! It’s been a long journey to get here, you deserve to enjoy every step. I still can’t believe my little sister is in the FBI.” 

Your sister has been your biggest support system for as long as you can remember. No matter what path you choose, you know she will always have your back. It had been heartbreaking to leave her when you moved but you knew it would be worthwhile in the end. Today is when it finally pays off. She has called you almost every day so even though you are states apart, she is never truly absent. Hearing her voice now, getting the chance to share this moment with her, is more important to you than you know how to express.

“I can’t believe that you’re awake before noon.” This earns a scoff.

“I will have you know that I set an alarm for 5:30 so I would be awake in time to tell you good morning before you head off to work.” 

“That’s very sweet of you. I’m really glad you called.”

“Hey, there’s no way in hell I was gonna miss your first day!” 

“I appreciate that. It means a lot to have your support.”

“Of course! I will always give it freely. Besides, this is too cool not to talk about. You get to catch bad guys. You now have special government access. Plus you can basically read minds. You’re a real life superhero. How totally awesome is that?”

“Oh, I know. Why do you think I wanted the job? I’m glad you’re able to see its merits. Most people find it very morbid. Or boring.” 

“Well most people aren’t us.” Glancing over at the clock, you can’t help a small sigh from leaving your chest. Your sister of course catches on. “Do you have to go?” 

“Yeah. I only have about 15 minutes. Thank you so much for calling though! I always look forward to hearing from you.”

“Well I don’t have any patients today and I expect you to call me later tonight so we can talk about everything, okay?”

“Okay, it’s a plan. I love you.” 

“I love you too. Have a great first day.” You hang up quickly, making your way back into the kitchen to put away what you had gotten out. Instead you pull out a few granola bars to eat on the way. Even though this isn’t quite what you had planned you don’t mind one bit. Talking to your sister is more important. You briefly wonder if she took today off just so she could be there for you or if it is just a coincidence. If it was on purpose, you wouldn’t be surprised. It had always been kind of funny to you what careers both of you had chosen. She is a therapist. You are a profiler. While the two do have distinct differences there are also a lot of striking similarities. It’s just funny how life works out sometimes. Never what you expect. 

You head into the bedroom to grab your go-bag, making sure everything you need is in there. Picking up the paperwork from the table, you head out the door and downstairs to your car. After loading your things up, you turn on the radio to the most uplifting station you can find. This is the kind of morning where nothing less than radiant positivity is welcomed. It’s the first day of your new life and you are going to make the most of it, even if it kills you. 

The drive seems to go by in an instant and soon you find yourself in the parking lot of the BAU headquarters. There is still confidence bubbling inside of you but seeing the building right there in front of you causes the nerves to kick in as well. It seems so much bigger to you now. With a deep breath, you realize you need a little boost from your good luck charm. The small compartment on top of your dashboard opens with a click and you pull out the piece of paper inside. It feels good to have in your hands and you read the name at the top over and over again. Aaron Hotchner. His business card had stayed in your car all these years and whenever you felt nervous or unsteady, you pulled it out and for some reason it always calmed you. You were grateful to have it now more than ever. 

Feeling renewed, you set the card back in its cubby and get out of the car. Things in hand, you stride right up to the front doors and let yourself inside. Once inside the main lobby you head over to the front desk, where a man asks for your ID. Reaching into the front pocket of your go bag you pull out the badge you had collected weeks in advance. A feeling of power washes over you when he clears you, much like a year and a half ago when you had stepped inside the Fort Worth precinct. However, it was a much more intense feeling now. 

The journey towards the main offices of the BAU feels like a dream. The elevator carries you to the right floor and you float towards the glass doors that lead into your new workspace. Inside, it is bright and full of life. People move past you with such fluidity that it seems almost like a dance and baby, you are ready to tango.

Soon your attention is being commanded by a friendly voice you recognize very quickly. “Well, look who it is!”

Morgan makes his way towards you, a wide grin on his face. He looks just how you remember. You are glad the first person to greet you is someone you know. Now standing in front of you, he raises his arms and his expression changes as he silently asks for your permission. With a nod, you reach out as well as he pulls you in for a hug. 

“It’s nice to see you again sweetheart. I was starting to wonder if you were ever gonna show up.” Laughing lightly at this, you feel yourself relaxing. “Look at you, all professional. How does it feel?” 

“Completely liberating. It feels like it took me a lifetime to get here and now that I am, I can’t wait to get started.” 

“Well, you’re gonna get your chance sooner than you think. We just got a case this morning. They called us in a little early to debrief us. We’ll fill you in on the jet. It’s go time baby.” He lightly pats your arm with a smile as he leads you over to where the rest of the team is, all sat at their desks. Spencer and JJ you recognize but there’s one face that you haven’t seen before. “Look who finally made it.”

JJ stands quickly to give you a hug, patting your back. “Leave her alone. She was doing a lot of hard work to get here. She doesn’t deserve to be teased in her first ten minutes on the job.” She says to Morgan, shooting him a playful glare. “Welcome. We’re really excited to have you here. You’re going to make a wonderful addition to the team. If you ever need anything just let me know, okay?” 

“I will. Promise. Thanks.” Spencer is the next to stand, extending his hand to you. Taking it in your own, you nod respectfully. You don’t linger, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. 

“Hi. Sorry, I’m not much of a hugger.” 

“Oh, no need to be sorry. I definitely get it. It’s nice to see you again. I know we didn’t really get a chance to talk the last time we saw each other but I’m hoping to change that now that we’re coworkers.” 

“Of course. I would like that.” There is still a slight awkwardness in the way he smiles but not nearly as much so as when you first met him. He’s the only one of the three that you don’t feel much of a connection with but you are determined to change that. These were your peers now. Your new family. It was important to you that you get to know all of them. It was jarring at first seeing how familiar they are with you already but it doesn’t take long for you to become comfortable as well. However you quickly remember that there is one person you still haven’t met. Turning to her, you extend your hand. 

“Hello. I’m Y/N L/N.” She shakes your hand.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Emily Prentiss. These guys seem to have the advantage here. How do you all know each other?” 

“Oh, I shadowed them about a year and a half ago now while I was still a student. Today is my first day as a member of the team.” 

“That’s wonderful! Well, I’m excited to get to know you as well.” She offers a welcoming smile, one you appreciate. As you look around the bullpen you take note of the fact that Elle is nowhere to be found. At the moment you feel it isn’t your place to bring this up, so you simply smile at the people who are with you now. 

“So, I hear we’ve got a case.” You begin, desperately wanting to learn everything you can now so you can fully prepare yourself.

“Yeah,” JJ answers. “It’s a string of high level armed robberies in Los Angeles. Nobody has been able to identify or apprehend any of the unsubs. There are five of them. All of the robberies were almost identical except for the last one. Someone was shot and killed. That’s when the authorities invited us to work the case.” 

“Sounds like fun, huh?” Derek chimes in, jabbing you with his elbow. 

“I don’t know if fun is the right word. Interesting sounds better, I think. I’m ready to get started though.” 

“Yeah, I see that,” He gestures to your go-bag. “Good thing you’re all packed. That was a smart choice. They don’t always tell you to bring a bag on the first day. You’re all over it though.” 

“Well, you only get one shot at a first impression. I wanted to be seen as professional. Plus I am very rarely unprepared for things.” 

“Good. That’s a pretty good philosophy to hang onto, especially in this profession. The more prepared you are going into it, the better equipped you are to handle the stressors of the job. There’s a lot of tough things you’re gonna have to deal with but if you charge head first with a clear sense of where you’re going and what you’re doing, it’ll take a lot of the anxiety out of it.” You listen intently as he speaks with a tone of sincerity you have not yet heard from him. When he sees you staring at him, he chuckles. “First tip is free but next time I’m gonna charge you. Good advice like that doesn’t come cheap.” 

“Okay, good to know.” You laugh, looking towards the others with a smile. “How about you guys? Any free tips for the newbie?” 

“Yeah,” Emily chimes in. “Don’t listen to anything Morgan says.” This causes him to roll his eyes jokingly. “Although here’s a real piece of advice. No matter what happens, no matter how hard the job gets, don’t forget who you are. Don’t let this work compromise your beliefs and your morals. There are going to be times when you rethink what you know but don’t let the awful things you see harden you and turn you into someone you’re not. I can already see that you have a real light and kindness about you. Never let the bad people take that away from you or else they win.” Hearing this, your expression softens. For only having known you for a few minutes, Emily already seems to have bonded with you. Enough to give you such important advice. Her words linger in your head for a moment.

“I’ll definitely remember that.” JJ places a hand on your arm. 

“Can I add something?” You nod eagerly, wanting to soak up all of the knowledge that you possibly can from these people. “My advice would be to talk to your loved ones as often as you can. Trust me, you’ll definitely want to after some of the stuff that we see. Talking to someone outside of work and grounding yourself in those relationships will help keep you sane. You’re going to be really grateful for a strong support system later on.” 

“Luckily I do have a really strong support system in my sister. She basically raised me. She’s my best friend. It was hard to leave her but I know she still supports my decision.” 

“That’s so great. I’m really glad you have someone like that.” You nod, feeling a small tinge of sadness when you think about how much you wish she was here with you. However, it passes quickly when Morgan puts his hand on your shoulder as a sign of comfort. The gesture is simple but calming, almost as if he’s telling you that he is a part of your support system now too. You know the people surrounding you will have your back. That thought lifts your spirits immeasurably. 

“What about you? I’m sure I could get some good advice from a genius.” You say to Spencer after clearing your throat. 

He chuckles lightly and thinks for a moment. “I guess I would say don’t let your age stop you from reaching your potential. You and I are the same age so I think I know to some extent how nerve wracking all this must be. Just know that even though you are young you have a lot of skills and abilities to bring to the table. Chase after what you want and soak up everything you can now. I’m obviously a strong believer in the collection of knowledge so the more you learn the better off you’ll be later. And you have as much right to be here as anyone else. You’ve done the work so believe in your own skills.” The three of you watch him for a moment and he looks between you. “But, hey, what do I know.” His joke makes you laugh.

“No, that’s really good advice. Thank you.” Before you have a chance to say anything else, a voice from behind causes all of you to stop.

“What’s all the commotion out here?” Turning around quickly you see an older man with dark hair standing on the walkway that wraps around the bullpen. His eyebrows are raised as he begins making his way towards you. Upon seeing him you put on your best professional face but the others seem to stay relaxed as he walks over to you. Once he’s standing next to you he offers you his hand. “Hello.” You take it quickly, shaking hands with him as you maintain eye contact. Unsure of who this man is, you are afraid to make a bad impression. As you look into his eyes there is something so strikingly familiar about him but you aren’t quite sure what it is. “Who might you be?” 

“Sorry, sir. I am Y/N L/N. Today is my first day as a member of the BAU. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” His dark expression immediately lightens as he gives you a small smile. 

“Ah. It’s nice to meet you as well. Sorry to scare you. I just have to keep these trouble makers in line from time to time.” Seeing him smile causes you to grin as well, beginning to relax again.

“Of course. It’s not a problem at all sir.” 

“Well I’m David Rossi. Welcome to the BAU, I guess would be an appropriate introduction. I promise I’m not always so scary.” 

“Just most of the time.” Derek adds, causing David to give him a look.

“Please ignore him. I like to think I’m a nice man. I don’t want to scare you off on your first day.” At this you can’t help but laugh. 

“Oh trust me sir, you won’t. I’ve worked really hard to get here. There’s no getting rid of me now.” This causes him to laugh. 

“That’s a good attitude to have. It’ll get you pretty far in this career. Keep working, keep putting the bad people away. It may take a while but it’s a gratifying feeling. In the meantime, just keep your chin up and you’ll be just fine. You seem like a bright kid.” 

“Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.” 

“Please, you can call me Rossi. Everyone else does.” 

“Okay. Rossi. Thanks.” With a warm smile he pats your arm. 

“If you want a prime example of working hard to get ahead, look at Hotch. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that man not at work. That’s why he’s the boss.” Derek says. His words make your breath hitch. Just the mention of his name makes you nervous. It’s been such a long time since you’ve seen him and you only spent time together for one day but even so he has been such a huge inspiration to you. And seemingly for good reason. You already know that Hotchner is going to be the man to impress around here but you don’t mind that much.

“Speaking of, have you spoken with Hotch yet today?” Rossi asks. 

“No. I actually have some paperwork that I need to give to him before we leave, clearing me to travel and all of that. Could I possibly see him now?” You try not to sound too desperately hopeful.

“Yeah, of course. His office is right up there.” Rossi points to a door across the room. With a deep breath you nod in gratitude and then begin making the walk over to his office. It seems like an endless journey as you remind yourself over and over again that he’s just a person and you don’t need to be so afraid. Or nervous. Excited? Infatuated? Whatever the feeling is, it’s overwhelming. Once you’re outside his door, you close your eyes and breath before knocking. His voice is clear coming from the other side as he tells you to come in. 

Opening the door cautiously, you step inside with paperwork in hand. Hotch is sitting at his desk filling something out, not looking up.

“Good morning sir.” Upon hearing your voice he looks quickly up at you. His eyes are just as dark and intense as you dreamed, fixated completely on you. The two of you maintain eye contact for a moment and the world is nothing but him. Suddenly realizing what you’re doing you force yourself to snap out of it, reminding yourself that this man is your boss and you’re acting like a lunatic. 

“Good morning.” He says simply, not moving as he watches you intently. Willing yourself to gather up all of your confidence, you walk over to stand right in front of his desk. 

“It’s really lovely to see you again. Being here is like a dream. At the BAU, I mean. I’ve been looking forward to it for so long, I almost can’t believe that I’m here. Now that I am though, I’m ready to work. I plan to earn your trust now just like I did the last time we worked together. I won’t let you down.” With a sudden flush of embarrassment, you grip the papers tightly. You have only been in his office for a few seconds and already you have completely exploded in excitement. Taking another breath, you calm yourself. “Sorry sir. I’m just very excited to be here. If you couldn’t tell.” 

There is another moment of silence as Hotch’s eyes stay locked on yours, scrutinizing your expression with calm intensity. For a second you can almost see him thinking, as though he’s working something out in his head though you aren’t quite sure what that is. After a moment he stands up, putting you both on equal footing. Everything about him commands your focus and attention. A quiet prayer hangs on your lips as you wait for him to say your name again after all this time. Just once is all you need and then you’d be happy. No more daydreams, no more delusions, no more distractions. Just once and you can do your job. If only he’d quit staring at you so deeply and tell you exactly what you want to hear.

“I do appreciate your heartfelt words ma’am but I’m afraid I’m at a loss. I’m not sure I know who you are.” With that your heart drops. Of all the things he could have possibly said, this was the most disappointing. It’s such a small sentence but it is a mighty blow.

“I’m sorry?” You inquire, hoping that maybe you misunderstood.

“I’m really very sorry ma’am but I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not sure we’ve ever met.” Nope, you had understood what he was saying perfectly much to your dismay.

“My name is Y/N L/N sir. We did meet a little over a year ago now. You came to my hometown to work on a case and I spent the day shadowing you. I was a student at the time. Today is my first day here as a team member.” Hotch says nothing in response for a time, his expression exposing what seems to be a deep sense of regret. 

“I apologize. We go through a lot of cases, it’s difficult for me to keep track of all the people that come and go in my life.” That is all you need to hear to shut down any further fantasizing. You had come and gone from his life a long time ago. Frankly you feel foolish for indulging these thoughts anyway. It was one day a year ago. There is nothing to look into. He is your boss now, not some high school crush. This is a professional environment. This would be for the better anyway. At least those are the sorts of things you tell yourself. “I really don’t mean any offense. It’s nice to meet you. Needless to say we’ll get to know each other now since we’ll be working together. Welcome to the team.” He tries to soften his expression but there is still a severity to it that doesn’t ease the knot in your stomach. 

“It’s really my fault, sir. I shouldn’t have expected you to remember me. It was a long time ago and you’re a very busy man. No offense taken. I’m excited to work with you.” Trying to change the subject, you extend your paperwork towards him. “Here’s all of my entry paperwork. It gives me authorization to travel, my medical and professional history is there as well. All I need is your signature and I will be clear to begin working.” Looking through it quickly he nods before signing each of the necessary lines. He hands it back to you and you nod awkwardly before deciding to merely head towards the door. “Thank you sir. I’ll take this to the front desk really quickly and I’ll be good to work this latest case. I’ve already brought a go-bag.” 

“Oh, you won’t be needing a go-bag.” This stops you in your tracks.

“I won’t?” You ask, turning to face him. 

“No, you won’t. You’re not travelling with us for the case.” Every dream you’d had about your first day at the BAU is crumbling around you with every word that comes out of his mouth. 

“Can I ask why, sir?” Leaning down to open a cabinet, he pulls out his own go-bag and unzips it to check its contents. This simple act of dismissal is enough to make you feel an inch tall. 

“It’s only your first day, I don’t hardly know anything about you. I don’t feel comfortable taking an agent into the field that is practically a stranger to me and to the rest of my team. It will only compromise your safety and the safety of others. When I get back, we’ll have a discussion and see where you’re at when the next case rolls around.”

“But sir,” For a second your own words ring in your head. You’re the boss. No explanation necessary. You are not the kind of person that questions authority. You never have been and you thought you never would be but hearing your new boss say this to you makes your blood boil for some reason. It’s like Spencer said. You have as much right to be here as anyone else and you have not gone through seven years of grueling work to be put on the sidelines from day one. “I have studied and trained for a long time. I put in the work, the same as the rest of you and that’s why I’m here. I didn’t just show up on accident, it’s because I’m good at what I do. I have all the paperwork and I am prepared to put in the effort on this case.” His movements have stopped now and his eyes stay locked on yours, unable to look away as you speak. Once you’re finished he breaks away and sighs deeply. 

“I am not disputing any of that but I am responsible for the safety of my team and now that includes you. It would make me feel much better if I could talk with you before sending you to the front lines. I’m on your side here even if it doesn’t seem like it. But at the end of the day I am your boss and I have final say. The answer is no. I want to like you, Y/N. Don’t give me reason to distrust you on your first day.” 

“Yes sir,” Is all you are able to mutter as you feel yourself deflate. “I didn’t mean any disrespect.” The shift in your demeanor must have been palpable because his expression suddenly softens and a hint of a smile ghosts over his lips as he walks over to you. 

“I know you didn’t. I’m sorry to disappoint you but you’ll have your chance soon enough.” With that, he grabs his bag and walks out of the office. In no more than ten minutes all of your big hopes and dreams for your perfect first day at the BAU were crushed. Everything has been happening so fast that it still seems like it might not be real. It’s all you can do to walk back out into the bullpen. Derek is the first one to notice your mood shift. 

“What happened?” With a forced smile you shake your head.

“I’m not going to be joining you guys. The boss doesn’t feel comfortable letting me into the field just yet. I guess it makes sense.” Hearing this, Derek, JJ, and Spencer all three share a confused look.

“It actually doesn’t make that much sense. If you’ve got the paperwork, you are clear to go in the field. Everything should be in order. I’m not sure why he would wanna keep you behind. You’ll learn more in the field than you will sitting here.” Emily and JJ nod in agreement and you shrug off his questioning.

“It is what it is. I’ll just have to make the most out of it.” You quiet down but he can see that there is still something upsetting you.

“Okay, come on. What else happened?” The expression on his face is one of determination as he stares you down, waiting for an answer. 

“It’s nothing really. It’s just that he didn’t remember me and I was a little disappointed. That’s all. It’s not really a big deal.” 

“No, that is definitely a big deal. Hotch is not a forgetful man. Especially when it comes to people. If he worked one on one with you a year ago and he knew you were going to be a future member of his team, he would have paid especially close attention to you. That just definitely doesn’t seem right to me.” As much as you agreed with him you decided now wasn’t the time to push the issue. 

“Well, I’m sure he just had a lot on his mind. It doesn’t matter. Anyway, good luck guys. I’ll see you when you get back.” The look on Derek’s face indicates that he wants to continue the conversation but he doesn’t. The three of them grab their go-bags and head to the door. Following them you smile when Derek gives you a side hug.

“We’ll all go get a drink when we get back. I promise.” You nod. 

“I’ll hold you to that.” Before he can walk out the doors with the others you stop him. “Hey. Thanks. I know we still don’t know each other that well but I appreciate you making me feel welcome.” 

“No problem, kid. You’re one of us now. We have to protect our own.” With one last smile he disappears through the main doors. Stepping out after him you stop when you see Hotch standing right outside the doors. With a small breath you walk over to him. 

“You’ll be working with our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia. Go down to the bottom floor. Her office will be the third door on the right when you get off the elevator. She’ll introduce herself. She’s very friendly. We’ll speak when I get back.” With that, he too disappears. 

In little more than thirty minutes, your perfect day is ruined before it has even really begun. Thoughts spin inside your head faster than you can comprehend. It feels like your fault for letting your expectations get so high. There is no way of erasing it. No matter how many good days you have from here on out, your first day at the BAU will always be a sad memory. It hadn’t been all bad of course. It had been nice to talk with the other team members for the short time that you had. However, that feeling was quickly ruined by your interaction with Hotchner. He was one of the main reasons you were so excited to begin working. You were sure that he would have some inspirational words of advice for you but all he had done was make you feel belittled. There was no way of taking that back. Now you were side lined for your very first case and it was completely out of your control. You really wish you had your good luck charm right about now. Something tells you you’re going to need it now more than ever. The Hotch that exists within that business card is the one you want to linger in your memories. The respectful and professional agent who had made you feel so respected and appreciated. That is the Hotch you need right now but that isn’t the man you’d spoken with today. That is what broke your heart more than anything. With one last longing look at the main doors you gather yourself up and head down to meet Penelope Garcia. 

Tags:  @talesfromtheguild @lannister-slings-and-arrows @gamingaquarius @gryffindorwriter @nopeforyou @sheerfreesia007 @roxypeanut​ @ssahotchie​ @ohpedromypedro @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @readsalot73 @the-mechanical-angel @races-erster @maxlordd @pascalisthepunkest @paintballkid711 @hotchafterhours @h0tchner @ssahotchswife @ssahotchhner @technotic-prophecy @klinenovakwinchester @hotch-stufff​

[room-archive]

By now, some of you might have heard about the situation in Poland. The following text was posted on FB by a Polish friend of mine following the events of 07. August 2020 in Warsaw. It describes what happened, and the context of what led to the events of yesterday. Please reblog and share this post to spread awareness about the current situation.

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For a very long time it has not been easy for me to write and talk about my country. Publicly, for a very long time I haven't. Disagreeing with most of what the current government stands for, that would have become a full-time job. Feeling that one is powerless, one can easily become indifferent and either emigrate abroad or immigrate inside to the bubble of like minded friends, trying to just go on with life regardless, to wait out the storm, to hope for the world to change one day on its own. I am guilty of doing both. But yesterday, I believe that Poland came to its turning point. We went to sleep in a troubled democracy and woke up in an authoritarian country that uses the full force of the state apparatus to oppress and unjustly prosecute members and allies of the LGBT+ community.

No good person can stay indifferent facing these circumstance.

General context:

👉 It all began members of the activist collective "Stop Bzdurom" (eng. Stop the Bullshit) spray-painted and cut the tires of an anti-abortion van. This van was taped with graphic images of dead fetuses and frequently driving through the streets of Warsaw. While the activists spray painted the van, the driver intervened and it came to a light physical quarell with pushing and elbowing. This is the video of this altercation: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1324521857722944&id=137358556439286

👉 On the basis of that, the Public Prosecution (which is under total political control in Poland - the Minister of Justice IS the Attorney General) decided to press charges of violent assault and destruction of property against one of the members of the collective - Margot. Margot identifies as a non-binary person (it will be important later in the story). Under those charges Margot could face up to 7 years in prison.

👉 Some weeks ago, Margot was dragged out of her apartment by police in civil clothing. At that point, police refused to give any information about her whereabouts or charges. It took many hours to establish that she was taken to the prosecution office for interrogation and to provide her with a lawyer. The prosecution filed for two months of arrest, awaiting trial. The court initially denied prosecution's request and released Margot. At that stage, this story could have ended as yet another, relatively harmless episode in our disfunctional democracy - unjust and infuriating of course, but at the end smoothened out by the somewhat independent parts of our judiciary.

👉 In between that and yesterday, the same collective hanged rainbow flags from monuments in Warsaw. One of those was a statue of Jesus. This was follwed by a wave of arrests under the charges of "desecrating monuments and offending religious feelings". The arrested were charged while our prime minister and president were visiting desecrated monuments and placing commemorative flowers.

And then yesterday happened:

👉 The prosecution appealed the court's denial to put Margot under arrest. Another court, for reasons still unclear, reversed the decision and decided to put Margot in jail for two months before any trial. There could not possibly be any reason to make such a decision legitimate. Margot is a special case because Polish arrest and correctional facilities are an extremely dangerous place for a (visibly) queer person like her.

👉 When Margot learned of the decision, she happened to be in the office of the biggest Polish LGBTQ+ NGO - Kampania Przeciw Homofobii (eng. The Campaign Against Homophobia). With the police on the way to arrest her (quite symbolic, isn't it), a few NGO’s asked people to gather in front of the office in a demonstration of solidarity. A few hundred people and plenty of journalists showed up, including multiple members of parliament from left and center opposition parties.

👉Margot decided that if she has to go, she won't just go quietly but as publicly as she can. She walked through the demonstration up to the police officers, offering herself to be taken away. They refused to arrest her. We thought they got scared of the public support and the cameras. It looks like we couldn't have been more wrong.

👉 The spontaneous demonstration moved to a nearby allegedly desecrated monument. There, peacful demonstrators were met by an excessively large police force seperating them from the monuments. And then someone has given an order to make an example out of demonstrators and turn the arrest into a show of power.

👉 First, an unmarked car approached. A bunch of police officers in civil clothing dragged Margot inside. For all that has happened later the crowd remained non-violent.

👉 Then, demonstrators sat down around the car to prevent it from leaving. (see Photo) The police attacked with an unprecedented brutality. Tens of undercover police officers arrived and together with their colleagues in uniforms they begun brutally attacking, beating, suffocating and throwing the demonstrators into police cars driving away with them. All that during broad daylight, in front of TV cameras. Without any shame or hesitation. Multiple photos of police brutality bellow. All questions about the basis of the detention were met with laughter. The protestors were not even called upon to disperse. Just faced with violence for the sake of power - no law, no order. TV cameras have caught police officers giving eachother orders to arrest "three random people from the crowd". Bystanders and people passing by were also arrested.

Yesterday in Warsaw is was enough to be in a wrong place, wrong time. We witnessed a straight up round up.

👉To paint the picture of the excess of the police brutality in more detail, I'll quickly describe one of the detentions. During that whole time, MPs (Member of Parliament) were present at the site. Now, they hold immunity from being arrested, but I don't believe anyone in Poland ever imagined that this immunity would have to be used in such a way. Among the photos below, there is one of a blonde woman, holding her hand on the back of a demonstrator, who's being pushed to the ground by the police. That women is an opposition MP who left yesterday's protests injured by the police and described in detailes what had happened. She saw police officers throwing the protester in the picture to the ground and kneeing her down. Her head was bleeding on the pavement. The MP run torwards them screaming to let go and pushing the police away. She lied down on the protester to guard her with her own body. Only then the police let the MP to put her purse under the bleading head of the protester (seen photo) and take care of the head-wound. The protester was then taken away by the police to an unknown location. That story is just one among many horrifying stories from yesterday.

👉 Later, noone knew where exactly the detained people were taken. We guess that around 50 people were arrested.

50 political prisoners.

Police has been refusing any information. The demonstration has moved under the main police stations and the second wave of random arrests happen (you can see it on the video: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=295720058542451&id=107750507339408).

👉Members of parliament and attorneys have been present at the police stations all night trying to get any information and to provide legal help to the detainees. In order to prevent this contact, police has started to move the arrested people out of Warsaw- a tactic straight up from the harshest repressions of the communist times. On one of the photos below you can see two MPs standing in the way of a police van in the middle of the night to prevent that from happening. People were being dragged out of the police stations to the transport vans. They were shielded on the way to the car by other police vehicles to make identification impossible. Few of them managed to scream out their last name. Attorneys were immediately requesting access to their clients, and were met by police officers bluntly lying that such a person was never there.

👉 To paint the picture in more detail, again, of what was happening on the police stations- below you have a photo of a lady reading a piece of paper standing in a window with bars. That's yet another Polish MP, reading a list of the people being held at that particular station to the desperate families searching for their loved ones.

As for today, we are still unsure about what is going to happen.

We know that the arrested people are being presented with bullshit charges, citing ”the participation in an illegal gathering with an aim of violently assaulting a person or a property". Those charges don't stand on any grounds - not only we have photos and videos - the whole peaceful protest was on live TV.

We know that the Polish Ombudsman and the National Mechanism for the Prevention of Torture has started visiting the police stations.

We know that the first international institutions have started to speak out. Example is in the photos below. With the gravity of what is happening, I'd urge for more and sooner.

Poland is not living up to any standards of a free country. Poland is below anything, that should ever be accepted within the European Union. The long-standing aspiration of my country to become a part of the "West" has shifted towards countries like Russia in a matter of a night.

I will fight this, my friends will fight this. We will not let this go gently into silent night.

But I am not sure how much more fight we have in us.

I'll end with asking all of you abroad for support. Let people in your countries hear about this. We in Poland may not be enough.

[free-pool-trash]

utopia- peter maximoff

yeah... im back being in love with Peter <3 enjoy loves <3

word count: 3k

warnings: angst and fluff, wandavision spoilers

id be open to writing more parts if anyone was interested <3 (I wrote this at 4am if it’s all over the place im sorry)

masterlist

You didn’t know much, but one thing was for certain; you didn’t belong here.

This morning you had opened your eyes and were met with a town that seemed like the very definition of the suburban dream. Your mind screamed at you as soon as you came to in the strange and indisputably new environment, telling you that this town was your home. The fact that you couldn’t remember anything before your eyes had fluttered open didn’t fill you with the utmost confidence about the legitimacy of the voice in your head, or the utopia that surrounded you.

All you knew was that you came here to look for someone. This someone was someone very important to you and you had a feeling that you were exactly where you needed to be to find this someone. There was one minor problem though; you didn’t have a clue who this special someone was, just that you needed to find him.

Cautiously, you found yourself wandering the town that seemed to be lost in time. All of its residents dressed like they were all attending an 80s themed party, yourself included. You couldn’t recall pulling on the ridiculous getup but that voice told you not to worry about it. It wasn’t long before you were in the middle of the town square, people bustled around you happily, all of them eerily going about their day as if they hadn’t a care in the world. Nobody looked stressed or sad or anything other than animatedly happy.

The realisation caused a slight panic to begin in your chest, there was something very wrong happening here and you didn’t know what. The very second you began to show anything that didn’t come across as positively blissful, the voice you’d been hearing since you opened your eyes sounded in your brain, louder than ever.

You are happy here. WestView is home. You are home.

Despite her soothing tone, you weren’t convinced.

“Who are you?” You demanded out loud, whipping your head in all directions, eyes set in a glare as you watched the citizens of the town acting none the wiser to your question.

Within seconds a woman appeared before you, a sweet smile on her face and two children by her side. “Hey there, you must be the new neighbour.” She spoke kindly, something familiar about the woman caused you to immediately relax in her presence although that relaxation felt somewhat… forced.

With a hesitant nod you looked around again, you brought your eyes back to the little family and offered them your best friendly smile, “It seems I must be, yeah.”

The lady giggled and held her hand out towards you, “Nice to meet you, I’m Wanda. And these two are Billy and Tommy.” You took her hand in yours, suddenly overwhelmed with an influx of thoughts that didn’t seem to be yours. Suddenly you were giving Wanda the most sparkling smile you could manage, not entirely sure why your mouth had formed such a smile for a complete stranger.

“Pleasure to meet you all.” Were the only words you could manage, still riddled with confusion as to what was going on.

Wanda returned your smile, Billy and Tommy seemed almost enamoured by you as they both stared at the new arrival. Glancing at her boys, Wanda knew she’d have to keep a very close eye on you, you were a mutant and stronger than even you knew, hard to control. But she had let you through her barricade as soon as she realised who you were and why you came.

“What’s your name?” Billy had asked and Wanda grew nervous as she noticed your eyes lose their smile for a second as you blanked on the simple question.

What was your name? It took you a moment or two before you regained your composure and extended your arm to the little boy in front of you who shook it excitedly, “Y/n. My name is Y/n, it’s really nice to meet you two.”

“Say, would you like to come and have dinner with us?” Wanda offered and you nodded your head gratefully.

“Dinner would be lovely. I’m feeling quite airy today, a good feed might help.” You told her with a laugh.

You walked to what you assumed to be Wanda’s residence, Billy and Tommy spoke excitedly to you as you walked, the pair of them strolled on either side of you fighting for your attention and entertaining you as they constantly tried to one up each other.

“You’re so cool! I can’t wait for uncle piet to meet you!” Tommy commented, prompting a soft smile from Wanda and an agreeing nod from Billy.

With a laugh you ruffled the boys’ hair, “Uncle Piet, huh? I bet I’m way cooler than that guy.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that.” Wanda laughed, her hold on you lessening as you began to relax on your own accord.

It only took a few more minutes until the four of you arrived at their house. As you entered you took a second to take in the interior, the 80s theme not as glaringly out of place to you as it had been earlier.

“Vis! Pietro! I’m home and I’ve brought a guest!” Wanda’s sweet voice sounded from the kitchen.

“Uncle Piet hurry up! Come meet our new friend!”

“Come on! Come on! Hurry up!”

Billy and Tommy yelled up the stairs impatiently and you smiled fondly at the boys, crossing your arms over your chest as you anticipated meeting ‘the funnest guy in the whole world’.

“M’coming! Jeez.” The deep voice made you freeze. For the first time since you arrived in WestView you could finally say you recognised something.

The thumping of feet running down the stairs had your heart beating out of your chest and when you finally came face to face with the man the twins had praised so highly you thought your ribs were at risk of breaking from how rapidly it was pumping.

The man looked at the twins, expectantly, “Alright. Where’s the one making you two so excited?” He hadn’t noticed you yet.

With a shaky breath, it bagan coming back to you, he was the someone you were looking for. He wasn’t just someone special, he was your love. And there he stood, silver hair unkempt as usual and his signature grin painted his lips.

“She’s-“ Billy started but Peter cut him off.

“She? You guys get yourself a lil girlfriend? Huh?” He wiggled his eyebrows and you couldn’t help the breathless laugh that left you. He was still your Peter. Funny, lighthearted, great with children and not completely thoughtless behind his gorgeous doe eyes like the rest of the town’s residents.

The airy laugh caused a shiver to run up his spine. No, you couldn’t be here. Not you. But he knew without even turning his head that it was you, his girl, the love of his life. The loyalist person he’d ever had the privilege of being able to love. Of course you’d follow him to a whole different reality.

He whipped his head in your direction, his mouth falling open as his eyes landed on your form, your eyes shining the way they always did when you’d see him after a long mission.

“Peter?” The boy felt his heart crack as your expression dissolved into something between confusion and panic. He quickly zoomed over to you and pulled you into him, pressing your head into the crook of his neck to hide your expression from Wanda who had yet to return from the kitchen.

His lips hovered close to your ear, “Pietro, you have to call me Pietro. I’ll explain everything, I promise just act natural for me, alright?” He murmured, moving his hand comfortingly up and down your back, aware that the twins were watching Peter pulled away but wrapped an arm around your shoulder and you forced yourself to smile as the pair of you faced the boys.

“How’d you guys manage to find my girlfriend in this dump?” He asked jokingly, smirking proudly as their faces dropped.

Billy glared and raised his little eyebrow at his uncle, “Your girlfriend?”

“You were right, you two. He definitely is the funnest person but I still win in the cool department.” You said, laughing nervously and hoped you weren’t being too conspicuous.

“Oh come on,” Peter groaned, “I haven’t seen you in forever and you’re already making fun of me in front of my nephews? That’s cold.” He pressed his lips to your temple, keeping them there for a few seconds, they were firm and sure and they let you know that he was really with you, you’d found him and he was real.

When Wanda re entered the room you felt your shock ebb as if it were being drowned beneath the surface before you could calm it naturally. You allowed your body to melt into Peter, your unintentional, sitcom worthy smile making his way across your lips again.

“Oh good, so you two have met then?” Wanda grinned, knowingly. Peter gave her a grin of his own.

“We’ve done more than meet.” He told her suggestively and you poked his ribs gently.

“You should’ve told me you were a Maximoff,” You giggled out as Peter littered your face with kisses while the twins gagged, the silver haired man pulled away from you for only a second to stick his tongue out at his nephews before he returned his attention to you as you chastised Wanda softly, “I would’ve been able to prepare myself to see this loser.”

Peter scoffed and gently pushed you away before speeding to catch up with your body. He wrapped his arms around your torso from behind and rested his chin on your shoulder, “She loves me really.”

Peter knew exactly what Wanda was after; a perfect family. He understood that’s what she wanted but he didn’t know how far she would go to achieve that goal. He had to make sure you played along, he couldn’t lose track of you again.

Your next words caused a stir in the hearts of both the siblings, your head was turned and your gaze was locked on Peter’s face, eyes free of any outside emotion as you broke out of Wanda’s hold and what Wanda read off your face wasn’t fear nor confusion, it was nothing but pure adoration for her brother.

“I do. I really do.” You told him, eyes becoming glassy before Wanda managed to regain control of your mind. You cleared your throat and gave Peter an airy smile, gently placing your lips against the curve of his jaw and he bit the inside of his cheek as he held you, allowing the conversation to flow easily and trying his best to support you as you unknowingly exhausted yourself fighting against his sister's hold.

He had a feeling you hadn’t remembered your mutation yet. You were one of the most powerful mutants Xaviers School had ever seen, your powers similar to Jean and Charles himself. Telekinesis was a tricky game, especially when you weren’t aware of it.

He remembered when he’d met you, you were with Charles and Hank, in his basement and asking for his help. He smiled to himself when he thought of how you’d been just as confused as him at the time.

You had no control over your telekinesis back then, similarly to now as you sat playing a board game with the twins, lights would flicker when you laughed and the very ground you walked on would shake if you got angry enough.

“Her mutation, it’s strong.” Wanda commented breezily as if it were nothing, floating through the kitchen going about her business as Peter’s eyes never left your form.

With a sigh he murmured, “She’s powerful, Wands. Trust me when I tell you that this whole thing could come crashing down if you don’t let her access her mutation.”

Wanda paused, her jaw clenched. With a flick of her wrist the panel that was allowing Peter to gaze at you from his place in the kitchen shut in his face. He turned to face Wanda then, an incredulous look on his face.

“What do you mean.” Peter only let out a tired laugh.

He shook his head, “Why did you let her in in the first place? You could’ve kept her out if you didn’t want her here.”

“She came for you, Pietro. You were the only thing on her mind. I didn’t realise she had power until I’d let her in.” She seethed, glaring at Peter.

“Maybe this was a mistake…” Wanda began, clenching and unclenching her hands as she considered her next actions. Noticing her uncertainty, Peter stood up and approached her as she spoke, “I should send her back.”

Panic flooded the speedster and before his sister could so much as move a finger he grabbed both of her hands in his, “No!” He shouted, desperately.

“Please don’t. I’ll look after her, just… just don’t take her away from me. Not again.” He begged, shaking his head frantically and Wanda knew in that moment that sending you away would create more problems than it would solve.

With a steady nod Wanda squeezed her brother’s hands, “She’ll stay here. But she’s your responsibility now. If she becomes a problem she’ll have to go.” His sister explained causing Peter to once again nod his head frantically.

“There’s an empty house next door. It’s yours, take her home, she’s tired I can tell.” Peter left the kitchen without another word, a smile on his face as if the conversation with Wanda hadn’t shook him to his core.

When he entered the living room he watched fondly as Billy tried to impress you and Tommy sat contently beside you. Wanda had released you from her influence and you were simply fighting sleep while simultaneously keeping the twins occupied. Even without your mutation, Peter knew you were a superhero.

“Alright, nerds. Stop bugging my girl.” Peter walked casually to the couch and pulled you up gently, kissing your temple like he had done earlier, “Let’s go home, sweetheart.”

When he pulled away you were looking at him, your expression somewhat defeated, “Home?” That’s right, he reminded himself, you didn’t know where home was.

He nodded gently, interlocking your fingers with his and led you to the front door.

“Bye boys!” He called over his shoulder, not bothering with a proper goodbye tonight.

True to her word, the house next door was vacant and ready for the couple to move into. As soon as the front door was shut Peter attached his lips to yours, feverishly moving his hands to your cheeks as you melted against him.

“I’ve been looking for you for so long.” You croaked, pulling away, select memories had began to return upon meeting his lips.

Completely overwhelmed you nuzzled your cheeks into his palms when tears began to leak from your eyes. Peter pulled you closer, bringing his forehead to rest against yours, “I know, baby. But I’m right here, I’ve got you.”

His words had only served to push you further towards the edge and you gripped his wrists to keep his hands in place, using him as an anchor. He shushed you gently once the picture frames nailed to the wall began to clatter against the plaster while you struggled to even out your breathing.

“I couldn’t think, Pete. I couldn’t- I couldn’t keep her out. There’s something so wrong here, we need to get out- we have to get out.” You rambled, tears streaming down your face now as the panic Wanda had pushed away from you earlier now manifested into a full blown panic attack.

“Hey, hey, hey, Y/n, look at me, okay? Neither of us are under her control right now, you’re safe, you’re with me and I’m not going to let her so much as flick her wrist at you, do you understand me?” He spoke steadily and sternly, caressing your face so gently as if he was afraid you’d break.

After a second or two, the walls stopped shaking and you let Peter guide you to the stairs and into a double room. Carefully, he undressed you and redressed you into the shirt he’d been sleeping in, something in him just knowing being surrounded by his scent would calm you down.

Your hands snaked around his waist after he finished getting himself changed, with a content sigh you pressed your lips against his shoulder before pulling away to look into his eyes, “You’re sure you’re okay?”

Peter nodded his head, eyes softening at your concern, “M’better now.”

Before you could respond Peter had zoomed the pair of you into the floral double bed. He lay on his back, his silver hair sprawled against the pillow and his eyes looking at you contently. You gazed at him from your space against his chest, your body completely flush to his, the arm he had wrapped around your waist making you feel safe.

He hummed in approval as your finger lazily traced his jaw, he grinned dorkily, he watched your eyes fluttering open and shut as you struggled to stay awake. Peter wrapped both arms around you tightly, pulling you up ever so slightly to let your face rest against the crook of his neck.

“I love you, Y/n.” He whispered when he felt your fingers toying with his hair gently.

You hummed, pecking the skin of his neck, “I love you, Peter. Or should I say Pietro?” He couldn’t stop his chuckle when he felt your lips form into a smirk as you continued to peck lightly at his neck.

Peter shook his head, his hands moving up and down your back, slowly and softly as he told you, “Nah, I just wanna be Peter with you. You’re the only person in this wacko town who knows who I am.”

“We’ll get out… and then we can go back to being whoever we were before we ended up here.” You spoke sleepily, but honestly, he knew you believed what you were saying.

He wanted to ask why you’d put yourself in this situation but he knew why. And he knew he’d follow you into anything like this too.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been proud of the love the pair of you shared, considering it had landed you in a borderline tyrannical suburbia. But even a barrier that wiped memories, a witch who could bend time, space and the very reality around her couldn’t keep the two of you apart.

Neither of you knew what would happen in the future but that didn’t matter so long as you had each other. As your breath evened out against his neck Peter promised himself that he’d find a way to get you both out, get everyone out.

[snifflesthemouse]

A Letter To Harry

Dear Harry,

My name is Nunya Business. I just want to take the time out of my life to clue you in on something I had to learn the hardest of ways. If my life lessons can save you the pain and suffering I went through, while indirectly saving the rest of us the pain and suffering from hearing about your pain and suffering, so be it. Let me begin.

You see, Harry, my mom died when I was 25. She was 47. She was bedridden the last ten years of her life. So that means she was permanently confined to a hospital bed for ten solid years, beginning when I was 15. That also means I watched her die slowly for ten years. By the time I was 16, I was trained in wound care management. I was also working 40+ hours a week at a fast-food place and attending school whenever I could. Even though I missed a lot of school, I still carried straight As. I always had great grades in school; I was getting scholarship recruitment letters by the time I was 15. I was brilliant. Still yet, I dropped out of high school by the second day of twelfth grade.

Unlike the traumatic lifestyle of servants and wealth, I was brought up extremely poor. The state paid for our school clothes through clothing vouchers. My dad worked a full-time job from the time he was sixteen until he retired AFTER my mom died. But my mom never held a job, drove a car, got a GED or photo ID, and missed out on a lot of living. So, he was the only source of income until I was old enough to help with the medical bills. He was 18 years older than she was. He only kept working after he reached retirement age because she needed insurance, but I digress. Back to the poor me part of my letter.

Here I was. Sixteen, early into my budding painkiller addiction, working full time, essentially homeschooling myself, taking care of my mother, AND still hoping I could make it out of there. SPOILERS: I DIDN’T MAKE IT OUT OF THERE. You know why? I played the same hand you play now. The poor me, poor me, pour me cards. I started taking my mom’s pain pills for my migraines. One didn’t really go full blown migraine on me one day, and I got high. By the middle of my tenth-grade year, I was having four Percocet tens and a chocolate milk for breakfast. For lunch I had a nap after fighting in and out of nodding off high for the first four periods. Eventually, that drug addiction got insane out of hand. I went from prescription pain killers to shooting heroin within 5 years. I went from never having a detention to having a felony credit card fraud charge and ten years over my head. I didn’t have old money to buy my excuses. I went to prison.

Unlike you, Harry, I wasn’t able to go to immaculate rehabs or have my family bail me out of trouble. I wasn’t able to do hard drugs and become a binger alcoholic behind the scenes, then just “quit” without issue. Something tells me neither were you. I’ve met a ton of addicts and alcoholics. Both say the same. After a month of the same nonsense, the addiction was rooted. So please explain to me how you managed to escape the severities associated with heavy drug use and drinking without withdrawing or getting hooked. Seriously, because you’d be the first person impervious to addiction. Most all of us have to fight the fight of our lives to get and stay clean. I know, I’ve managed almost 6 years now. What about you?

No, like us regular folk, I had to go about sobriety the long, hard route. But of course, it cost waaayy more than you’d ever understand.

Your partying days in Nazi uniforms didn’t cost a thing compared to how much they can cost regular people. By 17, I was already shacked up with a psychopath ten years my senior who literally ended up killing my childhood best friend’s fiancé. Not even exaggerating. My ex killed my ex-best friend’s fiancé in the living room of the house I grew up in, in front of my mom and dad. A month before my mom died, actually. My ex-boyfriend did some major fuck shit to me, and I have a history of dating abusers, but I won’t get into that. Just know 50 Shades isn’t sexy to me and hearing old country music instantly makes my face hurt from getting full beer cans chucked at me… Oh and ya know what, Harry? Turns out if I kept dating psychopaths who hit me… the real problem wasn’t who I was dating. It was ME. But again I digress. Sorry Harry.

I lost my friend who was murdered by my ex at my parents’ home a month before my mother died and two months before I was sent to prison. I struggled with addiction from the time I was 16 until my last relapse 3 July 2015. I dropped out of high school because of my drug addiction, then dropped out of college after getting my GED and a scholarship. 

My mother first introduced me to pain pills. She didn’t realize what she was doing and all, but she just thought she was helping her daughter get through a migraine. I got hooked. I robbed everyone I ever loved and didn’t give two shits about the people I hurt. To this day, I still struggle with caring about people. But again, I digress.

My point is this, Harry. I’ve personally been through fifty times more shit than you have. I watched my mother die slowly over ten years. I watched her gasp for air and cry in the night for God to just take her out of this world so she’d not be in pain anymore. I have lost most everyone I hold near and dear to me simply because I failed to show any self respect, accountability, or acceptance. I didn’t have parents cleaning up my messes with money. I didn’t have castles and privileges to boot when the newspapers ran the stories where I was sentenced to prison. No. I had to face the music and learn the world could fucking care less about how I feel.

Now is time you learn this lesson, too. The world is not fair. What you feel is not important. All that matters is what you do with how you feel. Nobody, and I mean absofuckinglutely NOBODY gives two shits about how you feel; the only reason people watch is because they are nosey. The only reason Oprah makes shows with you is to exploit your story for financial gain, like some type of trauma porn. Your wife isn’t looking out for you if she’s letting you incriminate yourself like that on TV and all, either. I know what you are going through, as I have dated one of those. It didn’t end well for me, and it will not end well for you.

Final note, Harry. Your family in the UK have loved and protected you for your entire life. Everyone accommodated you in your naked billiards in Los Angeles and Calgary. They did more than you could understand. Before it’s too late, and they finally get tired of your repeated bullshit, and trust me Harry, they will… make up with them. If that means ditching the wife, ditch her. Because she’s going to ditch you soon enough.

Trauma isn’t a renewable resource, my love. People are tired of your greatest hits on repeat. Better start the plans to turn that wife into the second act soon or the checks will start bouncing faster than those moon bumps. Oh and another thing, man the fuck up! Everyone has problems. You are not special. You’re not even a spare anymore. You’ve been replaced on all that. So why the hell do you still hold onto your childhood the way you do? Or those titles like you do? Oh you must be a masochist. You must like it.

Sincerely,

Nunya Business

[jung-koook]

omg i stalked the hell out of you just now (sorry for that) and i am in shock. you've been here for the longest time??? you have posts from june, 2013. that's insane. i really want to ask you how does it feel, being part of this for more than half a decade. they've changed so much and it's hard to process as someone new, can't imagine seeing that happen real time. they used to be so dark and now they're not, plus they're heading the industry by far. it's so mind-blowing. what was what sparkled your interest in the first place? they look/sound nothing like they did during debut, it's like two different groups. omg. anyway this a weird ask ik, sorry again. and thank you for all your edits/gifs! thank you for still creating stuff for the fandom ♡

first of all i already want to apologize for the bad english ♡

every time someone says they stalked my old posts i want the floor to swallow me LMAO there are so many cringe posts there. please dont do that to your eyes laksaksk ok, lets start by answering what sparkled my interest in this amazing group. ive been listening to kpop practically since i was born and ive always been interested in new groups. there was a forum that talks about rumors of new groups and stuff, there i learned about namjoon and the group he would be part of. at that time there was rumored to have other rappers who would be part of bangtan, before their debut time, bangtan already ~sounded~ different from what they were when they debuted. then after that i learned more about namjoon, the group and listened to some of namjoon predebut songs and started to like him. the one who sparked my interest in bangtan was namjoon but the one who made me stay until they debuted was jeongguk. before they even debuted i was crazy about jeongguk laksakls. i lost count how many times i watch their predebut logs and videos. before they debuted i met other people who liked them and these people wanted to make a gif bfor bangtan, then this blog happened. before it was supposed to be a blog with 4 people but they didnt have time to make gifs :/ so it was just me who made gifs here. me, who never had a tumblr and never made gifs in my life ALSKASK. so thats why this is a sideblog ); being in this fandom since the beginning is something really special and important for me. i have experienced many things and emotions here. i had a lot of friends who also started to like bangtan since their debut time but they stopped liking them for those reasons that you are talking about. these friends talk about feeling distant, feeling that bangtan has changed. it is obvious that these changes happen and were not expected but i never saw these changes as negative. i still dont feel this distance feeling. in fact, i feel more and more close to them and at the same time far away. i know its confunsing but its not bad feeling. its just, bangtan and their songs helped me a lot in my life. i always say that id be a totally different sky if i didnt meet them. but i put bangtan in a dangerous place in my life. i depend a lot on bangtan emotionally and physically. and for me that feeling did not do well. and that feeling didnt do me any good. i'm the same age as jeongguk, so i feel like i grew up with them. i was a kid who was 10 years old diagnosed with depression and saw no reason to smile. when i found bangtan they transformed my life. when i was sad i just watched their videos and listen to their song i forgot my personal life. many times that i thought that there was no reason for me to exist in this world but in bangtan i found a ~cover~ for my empty feeling. before i wanted to look for real help, bangtan was that help for me. bangtan still makes a huge difference in my life, just thinking about being without them i feel like crying! i'm not even exaggerating here. i think it was for these reasons that i didnt care much about their changes like my friends did, even though some made me wonder "why is bangtan doing this". like, boy with luv LAKSAKSK i dont hate this song but i never imagined this boy with luv bangtan 😆. so this was my short story of how i'm still here all this time and i know i'll never leave it here. one of the things that is so special about stan bangtan that many fans have a very similar story of how they became a fan. there are many fans who met bangtan at a time in their lives that they really needed them. and it makes me so emotional! i know a lot of the new armys wanted to be here from the beginning but the most important thing is that they came into your life when you really needed it. i dont like to be too personal here so i'm sorry. and idk why but my dyslexia seems to have gotten worse these days so maybe my text looks more confusing than it used to be. i feel we are very lucky to be an army, and to love this group that has an incredible history and that has done and does things that no one ever imagined they were capable of. i will love it if you tell me your story and how your interest in bangtan started. pleaseeeeee~ and please, you dont need to thank me sweetheart ok 😭

[phoenixyfriend]

The “Momma Sturmvoraus was Literally Satan” AU

As requested by @spazzbot​. This AU was initially brainstormed on the GG fanworks server almost a year ago. Specifically, on the first day of 2020.

[ID: a truncated discord message by “Miss Nixy, Gay for RoboLadies” posted 01/01/2020. The message reads “I need to sleep but please for the moment consider:” and ends there.]

So. Let’s get to it.

Satan took a human form because why not see what's going on topside, live like a human, and “Oh shit is this pregnancy? This is pregnancy. Fuck, that's a tiny human. Which is now half demon. Am I supposed to take care it? Wonder if retconing this form into that Valois family was a bad idea. They do have SO much money though, I get to live like a queen. I suppose another child shouldn't hurt, it wasn't that bad. Oh, he's cute, this is actually making sense, why humans do all the sinning. Not counting dear Aaronev's murders, of course, those are just evil, but I did search out the worst of the humans to pair myself to...”

This is literally just "Tarvek and Anevka's mom was low-key Satan on a bored “let's be human for a decade or two to see what happens” jaunt, consequences happen because these kids are LITERALLY half-demon and arguably anti-Christs."

Also it's just Very Funny for Tarvek, ineffectual sexy lamp fashion twunk extraordinaire, to be an antichrist

Jeff thinks he’s pretty. Jeff keeps describing features that don’t entirely make sense. (Jeff’s canon name is Karl Thotep but they spent so long unnamed that the server collectively named them Jeff.)

This is not a crossover with anything, btw. Ambiguously Pop Culture Satan just got bored and went to have babies with a serial killer.

They’re just kids! That are vaguely demonic. So. Moreso than the rest of the Valois.

Sometimes "mom" comes back from the dead and visits Anevka and Tarvek to impart Wisdom and possibly magic lessons The rooms always smell faintly of sulfur after that...

They try to put Anevka in the machine but SHE isn't hurt and the MACHINE just melts

So that's the end of that.

It's very awkward for everyone, but the paperwork isn't too bad. It's very easy to write "incidental fire began during late-fugue experimentation, resulted in fire spreading through six rooms and several casualties, including Prince Aaronev Wilhelm Sturmvoraus."

As per @atagotiak​, “I feel like if we’re going in any way dimensional weirdness with thing, Tarvek got so good at exploring bc he could just clip through walls.”

With image provided by @thisarenotarealblog​:

Tarvek in Paris: My dead mother keeps showing up in my dreams to tell me I need to seduce my way out of my problems and also she looks like Satan. Tarvek's Voltaire-Appointed Therapist: I still don't know what that means. Just like the last five times. Tarvek: I keep telling her that I can’t seduce Colette, if seduction is that important she should get Anevka to do it.

Like he probably wouldn’t say most of that in front of any Voltaire-approved individual, but still.

Tarvek is still very good at self control but there's a Special Edge to his rants.

(Derailed in the moment to me thinking about Anevka in a sfw-but-concerningly-deadly succubus getup, because... yeah.)

Aaronev dies and goes to hell and his dead wife is just there like "hi! Time to be tortured for eternity!" He wasn't a good husband so. He can't exactly sentimentalize his way out.

“In the sexy way?” “... not for you, no.”

Mostly I just want the BULLSHIT that is "Storm Mom was actually just Satan getting bored and going on vacation as a retconned Valois girl, the kids are half-demons and sometimes it Shows."

To clarify: the Satan bit isn't the retcon. Grandma used to have one daughter. Now there are two. (Seffie and Martellus's mother doesn't remember being an only child, but sometimes...)

Satan retconned a new daughter in, which included a Valid Valois Venusian Vestment, so the blood tests play out.

The subtle signs of wrongness would be fun too. Anevka tends to smile a bit too wide and sharp for a human face. Inexplicable uneasiness, here you can’t point at any specific thing that’s wrong but it’s uncomfortable. Uncanny valley prettiness, almost like the porcelain she became in other timelines. Skin isn’t supposed to be that smooth.

My brain's pre-nap contribution at that point was "Satan's pronouns when not pretending to Human are sin/sinself" which is! Certainly a thing.

Tarvek, at some nebulous future point: I mean, your ancestors were monsters, but my dad was a serial killer and my mom was literally Satan, instead of just figuratively like Lucrezia, so. I mean. I kind of get what you're going through.

Per @firebirdeternal: Tarvek and Anevka growing up with "you're allergic to holy water" and not questioning it until a little later because What.

And then they test it and it's like "yeah, no, there's a rash now. That stung. What the fuck."

It INFURIATES Gil in Paris when Tarvek tells him that's a thing, because there's nothing chemically different about Holy water and regular water. But no, this is somehow happening.

It gets logged in medical journals as a Valois genetic thing because, well, Mom was like that too, right?

One time they both go into a church for an Adventure and Gil is very annoyed to find that Tarvek is like. Faintly smoking. It smells like burnt hair in here.

Gil: What smells like burnt hairgel? Tarvek: [glares]

Gil decides that it must be something particular to the church, like a fungus or something in the stone, contaminating the air and water so it only LOOKS like the holiness is what's setting off reactions.

It is not.

Tarvek once got into an argument with someone and ate a slab of raw, completely uncooked meat as a power move.

SVV seems to work perfectly. Everyone is fine. We get the ‘you fight like ducks’ moment.

And then Tarvek bursts into flames, and everyone panics because no they fixed this what the fuck is he still infected with Hogfarb’s oh my god... and then everything settles down and he's perfectly fine. Not a scratch on him, no longer turning funny colors. Completely unharmed. He's in a nicely tailored suit and looks faintly stunned

"I just met my dead mom, who's apparently Satan. She told me that after I died the first time just now, I should be harder to kill later, especially with fire, because now there's more demon and less mortal and guys I think I'm going crazy." "Is that a martini?" Tarvek looks down. "Apparently."

Tarvek starts just. Randomly setting things on fire by glaring too hard and has to tone it down. Meanwhile, Agatha and Gil are having crises about how he's somehow getting PRETTIER.

Is he faintly glowing? Maybe!

Gil handles it by angrily sniping at Tarvek about how of COURSE he's an evil little rat with a background like that.

Tarvek just wants a nap and to forget this ever happened. Many people are sworn to secrecy. It's very awkward.

Still, SVV did something, for handwave-y reasons, and so they're linked now. Gil and Agatha both getting tiny flashes of the same shenanigans.

They get none of the powers. They just keep getting Weird Shit.

Other characters with divine influence are like "Did you.... did you make a pact with a demon?" "What no that's our boyfriend."

Tho tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if a Heterodyne did sign a contract with a demon at some point in exchange for like. Materials. A hundred souls sacrificed in exchange for some succubus blood. Thanks!

Tarvek and Othar: Falling out of CW as in canon. Tarvek: WHAT THE HELL SINCE WHEN DO I HAVE WINGS HIDE THIS BEFORE I GET BOOTED FROM THE LINE FOR THE THRONE

IDK where Anevka is during all this. I think she might have decided to go sleep her way through the courts of the Ice Tsars. Vacation, y'know?

Othar after he's decided to make Tarvek his new Heroic Apprentice: AH, my poor afflicted young friend, it's noble of you to go against the dark nature of your tragic heritage like this. Tarvek: I hate you. I wish I could hate you to death. But you have a point. I shouldn't let my father's blood limit what I strive for in life. Othar: I... I thought your mother was... Tarvek: I know what I said.

Tarvek: Also you can't tell ANYONE about that, I can't have them thinking I'm not actually in line for the Storm King's throne.

He does admittedly have to like. Explain things to Grandma.

Terabithia is Tarvek’s maternal grandmother so this is supremely awkward. That said...

Grandma fondly remembers her pregnancy cravings; bone marrow and sulfur.

"Yeah so, my mother, your daughter, was... maybe actually Satan? But retconned into your life?" "Tarvek, darling, please. I figured that out half a century ago."

TARVEK ACCIDENTALLY FINDS HIM HIMSELF WEIRDLY INTENSE AT CONTRACTS

I mean that honestly just Tracks about Tarvek anyways? But like moreso.

He just. Writes something up and there's things getting signed or shook on and then the person tries to break the contract and either suddenly catch fire or are deeply unlucky for a set amount of time.

And Tarvek's just standing there like "how in the FUCK did I do that?"

Severity of infernal punishment depends on the severity of the breach of contract.

Tarvek finds out that Anevka's been convincing rich people to sign their souls over to her. It's a fun challenge. She keeps them in jars.

They can still remotely pilot their bodies but like. They can't TELL anyone what happened.

Satan: I'm going to go make babies and now everyone else has to deal with the consequences.

Anevka's living up to that whole "princess of hell" vibe. Tarvek's just like "nope nope nope I want the storm throne, not the hell throne, BYE MOM."

Satan's just feeling sinself down in hell like "awwww look at my babies go, aren't they adorable?"

Tarvek: Anevka, what... first off, how did you figure it out? Anevka: Well, I temporarily died when father put me in the machine, and... I can't say that hell kicked me out because they were afraid I'd take over, but mother DID say she'd rather I play about with human governments instead of Hell's. Tarvek: Okay, cool cool cool. What after you planning to DO with all these souls? Anevka: They make for some lovely reading lamps, don't they?

(Anevka absolutely sets herself the goal of acquiring new titles that rival her old ones, or even surpass them. She just black widows her way through Europa.)

I just want someone (probably Snackleford) to ascend, take one look at Tarvek, and run SCREAMING.

Tarvek still needed to be anchored to Higgs, because Tarvek is Baby.

Gil is eventually in a relationship with an Eternal God Queen and the Literal Son of Satan.

Family dinners can include ALL the in-laws if you duck down to hell! - You borrow Bill from... probably heaven, maybe purgatory. - You have Lu and Aaronev and Satan already there, though the first two... well. Aaronev and Lu get invited to dinner but they have to eat by themselves at the kiddy table and nobody talks to them or acknowledges their presence. After all, this is hell, and what better punishment for Lu than to be completely ignored, and for Aaronev to see Lu at her worst and be reminded that he gave everything for this horrible, horrible person who isn't even pretending to care about him anymore. - Zanta and Klaus get invited via portal. - Anevka saunters in with a blood-soaked dress and a complaint about militant demon-hunters refusing to let her go shopping for a new pair of shoes. - Zeetha tagged along with the OT3. (She can't wait to see this situation explode.)

Oh God, Satan is actually second place as far as good parenting goes.

Well, actually, fourth. Because Adam and Lilith. But second as far as bio parents go. 1. Zanta 2. Satan 3. Klaus 4/5. Lu and Aaronev N/A. Bill

Someone (Anevka) decides to stir the pot and invites Von Pinn, Terabithia, Bang.

Bang is basically Gil’s older sister, right? Right.

This is Zanta meeting Bang for the first time! Zanta is just: "It's so nice to meet my husband's adopted daughter." Klaus freezes. Bang freezes. Gil is the only one who is just. "Yeah." Meanwhile Zeetha is crying with laughter off to the side because both of them deserve this. (Zanta would legit love Bang though.)

Agatha: Tarvek, I think DuPree is-- Tarvek: Hitting on my sister? I know. Agatha: On your mom, actually. Tarvek: NO!

Also I do love the idea of like. Nobody tells Bang they're inviting her. She just wakes up in Hell like. "Ah. Yes. Fair enough."

Satan: Oh no no no my dear, you're here as a guest. Besides as well as you'd fit you're not one of mine, you've got other things waiting for you. Bang: Okay, but I love the decor. And is that Cheesecake?

Bang’s family has their own evil god in the novels, but! Bang DID pick on Tarvek a lot in Paris. Satan cares more than Anevka does. Bang might get the sexy punishment.

I feel like the fact that no permanent damage was done and it taught Tarvek a lot of things means Satan isn't gonna be all that upset about it.

And let's be real, if there's a character in GG who could look the literal Christian devil in the eye and be like "Yeah I tortured your kid, what're you going to do about it?" it's Bang.

Even Satan doesn't know what to do or think about Othar.

He sure is here! As Anevka’s arm candy! Nobody knows what to do except Anevka herself, who just wants to be Smug.

(What's that scene from Phineas and Ferb that's the mad scientist trapping the platypus within the rules of polite dining at a fine restaurant? Like he can't make a scene because that would be rude?) (That. Othar would dearly love to start a fight, but it's a Family Dinner. You're only allowed to fight verbally at those.)

(Othar isn't even fighting Satan, he just wants to argue with Klaus.) (And maybe fanboy in Bill's direction a bit).

[staczak91]

My Harry Styles Concert: October 4, 2021 (Madison Square Garden Night 2)

I have to post about this concert just so I know it was real. It feels like a dream and a fleeting memory already, and it was so much fun, but now it’s sadly over and I have to get back to real life again. But, before I do (get back to real life, that is), I want to talk about the concert that was amazing!! At work today, I could hardly concentrate, and couldn’t stop thinking about Harry,

As most of my followers know by now, I have a little obsession with Harry Styles. I became obsessed with him and his music right before the pandemic and it’s been an adventure ever since. Fine Line and Harry Styles are two of my favorite albums and its so difficult to choose between them, and I can’t wait for Harry to drop a third. I bought this ticket for this concert as an impulse buy as a Christmas present for myself last Christmas. I never thought I would actually get to see him, though, because of the pandemic, 

For months, I was agonizing about not going to the concert at all. I had bought a solo ticket and was afraid to go alone. Covid was still a thing and I was afraid of catching it and getting sick. Or, worse, getting someone else sick close to me. It was in Manhattan at night and I’d be alone there, not knowing anybody, and essentially a target. So many things were stopping me from taking the jump, but yesterday, I decided to go and had an absolute blast. 

Just writing this post now so I know it wasn’t a dream and I really did see Harry Styles live!

The good news: I met up with a friend from my book club, We were seated separate from each other, but we met up before and after the concert, and it was nice fangirling with a friend about how much we both love Harry and how great the concert was, and getting a free ride home wasn’t half bad either. 

And now...about the concert. What you guys are reading this post for anyway.

Security was super strict about masks and showing your Covid vaccination ID. Not once did I feel unsafe. Harry even made some pre-recorded announcements about how important it is to be safe before the concert even began. I feel fine after the concert (just a little exhausted because I went to work today and am running mostly on adrenaline from last night and caffeine from this morning) and doubt I have covid, but am testing myself just to make sure. 

Ok...now to talk about the concert! Really this time!

First of all, the set list was perfect!

“Golden” “Carolina” “Adore You” “Only Angel” “She” “Two Ghosts/Falling” “Sunflower, Vol. 6” “To Be So Lonely” “Woman” “Cherry” “Lights Up” “Canyon Moon” “Treat People With Kindness” “What Makes You Beautiful” (One Direction cover) “Fine Line”

Encore: “Sign of the Times” “Watermelon Sugar” “Kiwi”

There wasn’t a bad song in the bunch! It’s so hard to choose favorites, since they were all done so well, but I really really loved “Carolina” (one of my favorite of his songs), “She,” “Falling,” “Lights Up,” “Watermelon Sugar,” and “Kiwi.” I just named half the set list. Oops. Oh well. It’s true. The whole set list and Harry and co.’s performance of it was amazing.

And now, Harry....

Harry was classy as always, had a great sense of humor, was great with the crowd and was just a really outstanding performer. Even in nosebleed seats, I found my gaze drawn to him the whole time. And man, he is beautiful to look at too. I’m not gonna lie. He was just so happy and I loved the outfit he chose for my night and his singing and dancing was on point and everything about him was just perfect. I will cherish this night for a long, long time. (Until the next time I hopefully see him live!)

But, really, Harry Styles is a national treasure, and my obsession with him got started again after seeing him live in person. 

This is a photo I took right when the concert started of Harry singing “Golden.” Isn’t it great? My seats were fantastic! Although I was high up, I could see everything and see the whole stage and the video screen and little Harry and co. dancing and singing to everything. I really lucked out. Harry also liked singing on my side better than the other side most of the night so I lucked out with that too. 

Anyways...it was a really special night and I’m glad I went. Madison Square Garden has always been a special venue to me. It’s where I saw Green Day and The Who, and those are good memories as well. 

But, man, this concert. Harry knows how to control a crowd. We all went wild for literally every song. He knew when to slow down and when to rock out. And I thought I would be self-conscious being there alone, but screaming out the lyrics and how much I love Harry along with thousands of other fans put that fear to rest. 

I’ve already talked the ears off my sisters and plan to do so with some friends as well. I’m just so excited I actually went to a concert and saw Harry live in person and it was one of the best shows I’ve ever been to. My older sister even says she’ll go se Harry Styles with me next time he goes on tour, so I won’t have to go solo the next time around. 

But, really, moral of the story is: if you’re afraid to do something or tentative about taking a big leap, do it! I don’t regret this choice at all and am so happy I went and saw him live. He’s one talented human being. And it was such a fun night as well. 

Stay classy, Harry! And also I love youuuuuuu <3

[ntamain]

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

[cosmicaces]

it’s. it’s something when the game you’ve sunk almost 1900 hours has one more surprise for you. i’ve replayed the prologue so many times, and, on the game’s final day, only just now have i discovered that you could interact with this poster

i may be a writer, but i’m not necessarily good with words. battleborn has had a significant impact on my life, for better and for worse. while gigantic is my special interest as well as the way i met my partner, battleborn was, well, the start, i suppose you could say.

when this game came out on may 3rd, 2016, i was in a real bad spot. my parents relationship had, well, gone south. the process of divorce began in november 2015, and my dad was using me to vent, spouting horrible, awful things to me, lies, blames, contradictions, those sorts of things. i started off 2016 feeling pretty suicidal because of it, leading into a downspiral of self-deprecation that worsened in april. see, my dad had decided to move us back into our shitty down, back on our shitty street, into a shitty house down the street that was small, cramped, and infested with centipedes. my sisters and i, we didn’t want to move, but we had no choice in the matter.

it was at the start of may, the start of going back into that school i despised that i learned about battleborn. i saw the opening cinematic on twitter, and i was in awe, starstruck. this game was a light in the darkness that had made itself so prominent, and when the game had gone on sale, where others laughed and pointed fingers i was ecstatic because that meant i could get it.

my laptop ran this game on the barest of minimum requirements, but it ran. low graphics? bad frames? it didn’t matter to me so long as i could play. i started with orendi. of the starter characters, i thought she was the most interesting, both visual and kit-wise. i played her until the renegade, where i got stuck. it’s embarrassing to admit, honestly, but because of my failures i unlocked shayne and aurox, who i immediately adored. they were witty, snappy, playful, and i loved the energy they brought. as a matter of fact, i played them throughout the rest of story. there’s a simple reason for that though: i just wanted to play mellka.

mellka stood out to me the moment i saw her in the cinematic. looking back on it now, i realize that it was the first step to me realizing that i wasn’t aromantic, but a lesbian (it wouldn’t be until 2020 that i realize that i was demiromantic as well, but nevermind that). she was really cool, to say the least, and god was she pretty! i wanted to play her immediately, but to unlock her you had to beat the heliophage on normal. this meant that i wanted to get through the story as soon as possible. the moment i completed that final mission, well, the rest was history.

i played mellka nonstop, constantly replaying the story and working on her lore challenges. i had almost finished them...until i ran into a bit of a hurdle. see, to get the last challenge, i needed to play with a ghalt. problem was...i didn’t have any friends with the game, hell, i hardly had friends at all. i was terribly shy, and the thought of having to ask strangers for help was terrifying. desperation to complete the challenge won, though, and that ask for help genuinely changed my life forever.

for the first time, i had sought out a discord server and joined a discord server, joined a place with complete strangers and battled through discomfort and fear and soon found my place, feeling comfortable and excited. i was socializing, and my energy knew no bounds. of course, being an 15-16 yr old with unrealized neurodivergency who had minimal knowledge of talking to people would later come back to bite, and now, haunt me, but social consequences had no thought in my mind at the time. i had done what i thought was impossible for me, and that did lead to a positive change. and, y’know, that energy did lead to some good things.

my memories of battleborn are very fond. some of them are tainted now, but stains can only cover so many feelings. feelings of fun, of bonding, of just...not being alone. i never realized how alone i was. as i was playing through each mission, i was just...catapulted with emotions. so many flashbacks of playing through missions, various divergencies of which characters we were, of who was there, of laughs, jokes, frustrations, all of these things. it made me want to smile. it almost made me burst into tears.

it’s not something i’ve talked about publicly, and i’ll scarcely go into detail about what happened, but...man, it’s hard to admit but it’s also because of battleborn that i’ve developed some pretty bad social trauma. it’s...hard, and weird, y’know? like...i wasn’t able to play the game for months after it happened. looking at the game just wanted to make me cry. that situation left me with...so much anger, sadness, and anxiety. hell, i still get angry about it, thinking about the way i was treated, about how i was the youngest person involved but i tried to make things right. i used to think i didn’t handle it in the right way, but i’m older now, and i can say that yeah, i did my fucking best. i think about those people, of course i still think about them. i can’t help but wonder, do they think about me too? do they have any idea how it’s permanently affected the way i grow with people? that i’m so fearful of being annoying, overstepping a boundary, of being lied to, of asking for honestly and being met with 0 response, given no chance to try and make things better? the answers clearly no. i know i’m the only one who still dwells on it, and i feel like they’d laugh at me for it. if they somehow read this, well...cool. won’t bring me any peace. please don’t ask me about it, either

its...not something that feels right to include with a post that’s essentially a memento, but...it’s important, and it did affect how i felt towards the community. i’d see people refer to the battlefam, but...i never felt apart of it anymore. i became all too aware of how my youth affected being apart of a community with adults, and it felt so...less welcoming after that. it’s a shame, really

thanks to that situation, though, i was able to grow closer with two people, my friends viv (@/brokenandazure) and ghost (ghostbones). viv really helped me come to terms with some of my emotions, and i’ll forever be grateful for that. they helped me be outgoing, helped me feel more confident in playing pvp, and is still an inspiration to me with how they can play games and just...be fine and not get frustrated.

i’ve a bit to say about ghost. so, remember how i said how that energy did lead to some good things? well, ghost is one of those good things. i met them through youtube. there had been a link shared on tumblr to their video about alani, and being the only channel who was posting about battleborn, i gave them a follow. still riding off that socialization high, i found myself commenting on all of their videos. they were enjoyable to watch! they’re funny, kind, and they say some pretty insightful stuff! honestly, seeing them upload anything new was a highlight of my day. battleborn brought us closer, and, y’know, they’re kinda like an older sibling to me. they were there for me in some REALLY rough times, and when i say rough i mean rough, and i’ll forever be grateful for that. sometimes i look at payday 2 and wonder if i should reinstall it, just to have another thing to do with them. we’re still pretty close, and we play apex together! they do have to deal with me being a complete sap towards pin though ehehe <3

speaking of pin, well...honestly, while we met through gig, it really is thanks to battleborn that i met her. battleborn helped me learn how to socialize, and it’s through socializing and wanting to find people to talk to about the same interests is how i met pin. i’m...really appreciative of that. my relationship with pin is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. if you read this, dear, i love you <3

as abrupt as it feels, this post does need to have an ending. replaying through the story felt so...nice. i went from playing it in 2016 with the lowest settings possible to playing it in 2021 with the best settings possible. i never thought id actually be able to see the game in its best form but...i did! and it was like playing it for the first time all over again. sort of. close enough. i think the best part of it was playing through the heliophage without any lag. y’know, i didn’t skip that ending cutscene this time, and, let me tell you, it hit a helluva lot different. i mean, asides from the “game is being permanently shutdown” thing, but the line “may our battle never end”. now, that’s a line that just sticks with you. for the worst thing about my final playthrough, well...it hurt, talking about the dumb shit i’d do. about breaking the map with mellka, of lore squads, of gags, and just...not being able to do anything like that again. it really hurts, but...i’ve found my peace with it. i think. well, it’ll have to do.

in the end, it is because of battleborn that i love, that i know im loved. this game really was something special, and it’s a shame that people never gave it a chance. i’m glad i did. and, in the end, it gave me one final surprise.

thank you, battleborn, for everything <3

[440mxs-wife]

Unforgettable

Imagine: You are captured by angels that are trying to find Castiel. He feels so guilty that he erases your memories of him.

"I'm headed into town for some supplies, anyone need anything special? I know, you want pie, Dean. That's already on my list," you remarked. "Sam? Cas? Anything?" you asked.

"Just your safe return," Cas answered with a small smile. "Please be careful. Maybe you should have Sam or Dean accompany you," he suggested.

"Cas, I'll be fine. I don't need Sam or Dean to hold my hand just to go and get groceries," you answered. Although it would be nice if you came with me, you thought. I wouldn't mind holding your hand, though. Wait, what? "I promise I'll be careful, Cas, and it shouldn't take too long to get what we need. An hour maybe?"

"An hour, then. See you when you get back," Cas said softly, as he took your hand and rubbed his thumb across the back of it. "See you when I get back," you whispered, blushing furiously.

You drove down the highway with the classic rock blaring and the windows down. As you drove, you thought back to your exchange with Cas that occurred just before you left.

When he took your hand, you felt a jolt of electricity shoot up your arm. You felt so at ease around Cas, like your life is so simple, when it's really anything but that. You began to think what it would be like to have his arms around you, to feel his hand on your cheek and ultimately, his lips on yours. Whoa, you thought. Get a grip, girl. You know Cas doesn't see you that way, he was just being protective like he is with Sam and Dean. So, be cool.

You eased into a parking space at the supermarket, a smile gracing your face as you thought about Cas. Despite the talk you just tried to give yourself to bring you back to earth, you couldn't help but smile as you pictured the face of a certain blue-eyed angel.

You walked up and down each aisle, checking items off your list as you went. When you had completed the list, you went up to the cash register, paid for your items and pushed the cart out to your car. As you walked out to your car, you spied some individuals that had developed a sudden interest in you. You continued as if you hadn't seen them but felt for your angel blade in your coat pocket. You opened the trunk and started to unload the groceries from the cart. Suddenly, you drew your blade and held it to the neck of one of your assailants. "Who are you and what do you want?" you demanded.

Before he could answer, another angel had come up from behind you and held an angel blade to your neck. "Well, well, if it isn't the Winchesters' girl out here all alone. I can't believe they let you out here without protection. By the way, where's Castiel?" he asked.

"How should I know?" you retorted. "He appears and disappears at random, so I have no idea when I'll see him again," you sassed.

"I think you know more than you're letting on, human. Let's find out," he sneered as they dragged you away from your car.

"Hey! Let go of me you jerks!" you screamed. Then one of them put two fingers to your head and all you saw was black.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dean's phone rang, but he didn't recognize the Caller ID. "Hello? Who is this?" he asked.

"Dean? This is Joe from the supermarket. I have something to tell you about your girl. She was just in here buying some groceries and was taking them out to her car when she was attacked. Someone said that they saw her being dragged away at knife-point by some guys in black trench coats. I thought you should know," he finished. 

"Yeah, all right. Thanks Joe," he said solemnly as he hung up. "SAM! CAS! We have a problem!" he shouted.

They both came running out to where he was standing, a grim look on his face. "What's going on, Dean?" Sam asked.

"Joe from the supermarket just called me. He said she was abducted at knife-point by some guys in black trench coats as she was loading the groceries into her car," he explained.

Cas closed his eyes then hung his head. "I knew I should've insisted that one of you accompany her to the store, or done it myself. If anything happens to her because of me...." he trailed off.

"Cas, look. For right now, let's just focus on finding her and bringing her back safely," he replied.

"You're right, Dean. All right, where do we start?" he asked.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ow. Your head hurt like it had been hit with a sledgehammer. You detected a slight metallic taste in your mouth and discovered you had a split lip. Probably because I mouthed off to these guys one too many times, you thought. You tried to move your arms to check your lip, but found that they were tied to a chair.

"Oh, look who's awake! Now we can get down to business. Where is Castiel? We know that you two are friends....or is it....more than friends?" he taunted.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't seen Castiel for weeks now. He comes and goes as he pleases without seeking my permission. It's not like we're 'together' or anything," you retorted.

That earned you a hard blow to your face. "Do you think this is a game?? Castiel is a wanted angel! He has disobeyed the rules of Heaven one too many times, gotten involved with you humans and he must be held accountable!" he thundered. "Now that we have you as our prisoner, we're in an excellent position to negotiate. Let's give the Winchesters a call, shall we?"

"You should know that the Winchesters don't negotiate with terrorist angels," you said as you spat out blood.

The angel paused in dialing Dean's phone number, nodded to the angel standing next to you and you got another blow to the face for your troubles. The angel with your phone put it on speakerphone and you heard Dean's voice. "Sweetheart?? Are you okay? Where are you?" he asked frantically.

"Mr. Winchester, so nice to speak to you. The woman is fine, for the moment. A little uncooperative perhaps, but we can control that," he said ominously. He nodded to the angel next to you, who took out his angel blade. He drew the tip across your skin, making a long bloody line on first your left then your right arm. As painful as it was, you refused to give him the satisfaction of screaming at the wounds being inflicted on your skin.

"Her pain threshold appears to be quite high, perhaps we should try somewhere more sensitive," he taunted.

"You dicks, leave her alone!" he shouted. Your torturer drove the blade into your shoulder and you couldn't hold in your scream anymore. "Dean! Help me!" you cried.

"All right, stop! What do you want?" he growled.

"We want the angel Castiel. He has broken too many of Heaven's rules and must face the consequences," the angel simply said.

"Where and when?" Castiel asked. "NO CAS!" you screamed.

"Thompson's Farm, the abandoned barn, just outside of town. Midnight. Come alone, Castiel, or I guarantee you, she won't see the next sunrise," he vowed. He hung up the phone and one by one, the angels left the room. When you were sure they were gone, you broke down, tears streaming freely down your face. You decided to send Cas a message before it was too late.

Cas? It's me. Please don't put yourself in danger for me. Don't worry, I'll find a way out of here without you storming the gates. I need you to stay safe so that I can see you when I get out. Please. You're very important to me, something I realized earlier today when you took my hand. I want you to know Castiel....I love you....You had already lost a good amount of blood by this point, so you started to lose consciousness. You could only hope that your message got through and that the blue-eyed angel you loved would stay safe.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"All right, we all got angel blades? Good. I know where this farm is, so we can get in, find her and rescue her, then get back here," Dean explained.

"Dean? I should go alone, given what that angel said. If I don't, he said she wouldn't live to see the morning sunrise. I can't take that kind of chance, not with her life," Cas declared.

"No way, Cas. We'll send you in first, then Sam and me will be the back-up so we can get her and bring her home," he said.

"One other thing. If-when we get out of there, I can't risk her getting taken again or getting hurt in any way because of me. I believe that the best course of action is to wipe away any memories of me. That way, she will have no knowledge of me. If the angels ask her for information about me, they will be able to sense that she's telling the truth when she says she doesn't know me," Cas finished.

"Cas....are you sure? That seems like a pretty drastic step. Like fixing a watch with a sledgehammer," Sam replied.

"Why would you use a sledgehammer to fix such a delicate instrument as a watch? I don't understand the logic," Cas remarked.

"Lo--never mind Cas. It's kind of extreme, isn't it? Wiping away her memories, especially without her permission?" said Sam.

"A little while ago, after the ransom phone call, I got a message from her. Here it is," Cas put a hand on Sam and Dean's shoulders. This allowed them to hear the message in your voice, as if you were standing in front of them speaking.

"Cas? It's me. Please don't put yourself in danger for me. Don't worry, I'll find a way out of here without you storming the gates. I need you to stay safe so that I can see you when I get out. Please. You're very important to me, something I realized earlier today when you took my hand. I want you to know Castiel....I love you...."

"Whoa Cas, she loves you, man! Congratulations!" Dean replied. "The question is, how do you feel about her?" he asked.

Cas smiled as he looked off into to the distance. "About her, I feel....invincible whenever she smiles at me. Warm when I hear her laugh at my lame attempts at telling a joke. She's wonderful, the most beautiful woman I've ever met, inside and out.

“When I'm around her, she makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world to her at that particular moment. I know this world is full of mean, ugly and dangerous monsters, and she fights just as hard as you guys do to rid the world of them. Somehow, though, she has managed to keep hold of her sense of wonder, her humanity and her sense of humor," he finished.

"Sounds like you love her, Cas," Sam mentioned.

"Love....That must be what I'm feeling. Yes, Sam, I would say that I love her. I believe that for me, a life without her in it would be unbearably empty. I have often imagined what it would be like to hold her in my arms, to kiss her, to....make love with her," he shook his head. "All the more reason to wipe her memories of me. I cannot allow for the possibility that the woman I love would be hurt or worse, just because of me," Cas explained.

"Listen. Right now, we need to focus on getting her back, then we can talk about this memory mumbo-jumbo. Let's roll," Dean ordered.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

About twenty minutes later, they drove up the driveway to Thompson's Farm. Dean parked about a half-mile from the barn and they walked in the rest of the way. "I count five angel sentries--two there, one there and two over there. Let's fan out and take them down," Dean commanded.

After they neutralized the outside threat, they moved into the interior of the barn. They could hear the conversation between you and the angel in charge. When they saw him flash his blade at you, Cas stepped up to confront him.

"Enough! Brother, stop this nonsense," Cas demanded.

"Castiel. You showed up after all," the lead angel sneered.

"What are you doing? This is not what we are about, torture, kidnapping. This woman has done you no wrong, and yet"--he swallowed hard--"you have inflicted such unimaginable pain and suffering on her," Cas remarked. "Let her go, and I will return to Heaven to accept my punishment, whatever it may be," he promised.

Through swollen lips and bruised face, you pleaded, "No Cas, please don't go! Stay with me."

During this interchange, Sam and Dean were able to sneak in behind and take out two of the other angel guards, leaving the lead angel for Cas to deal with. When his lieutenants went down, he was momentarily distracted. This allowed Castiel to kill him with his angel blade.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was over. Your kidnappers were dead, courtesy of Sam, Dean and Castiel. Dean began to undo the ropes around your arms and legs. "Cas," you called weakly.

Cas came rushing over and knelt down in front of you. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is my fault. You wouldn't have been taken if it weren't for me," he said sorrowfully.

"Hey, guys, let's hurry up and get out of here. We can talk more in the car, Dean went to go get it. The last thing we need is for more angels to home in on our position and cause more problems," Sam pointed out.

You tried to stand up from the chair, but your knees buckled. Fortunately, Cas was there to catch you and scoop you up to carry you to the Impala. He carefully laid you across the back seat and climbed in the rear passenger side, your head resting on his thigh. As you drifted in and out of consciousness, you heard Cas murmuring words of comfort in Enochian, his fingers running through your hair. "Rest now, my love. I am right here for you. You will be all right."

The next thing you remember is waking up in a hospital bed, with Sam, Dean and Castiel passed out in the chairs provided for the room. Castiel was the first to step up to your bedside. "Cas," you whispered, holding out your hand. "Thank you for rescuing me. I knew you would be there for me," you said with a smile.

Cas took your hand in his. "I will always be there for you. I care for you very deeply and it tears my heart up to see you in such a state. Which is why I must now do something that I don't want to do; however, it is for your protection. I must do everything in my power to keep you safe," he finished.

"Cas, what are you talking about?" you asked.

"I love you. I have for some time now, but I was having trouble putting a name to what I was feeling," he explained. "That is why I must erase all memories of me from your mind," he said sadly.

"No! Please, Cas, don't do it!" you pleaded. "I love you too, and I don't want to live my life without you," you cried.

"I know, my love, but it is for your own protection that you must forget me. I can't take the chance that this will happen again and you are injured again or worse. Honeybee, please don't make this harder than it already is," he replied as he prepared to remove your memories of him.

"Please, Cas," you sobbed, tears flowing freely now. You felt his hand on your forehead and then all you could see was black.

"I'm sorry I had to do this. I promise I shall never forget you, my love," Cas murmured, as a tear rolled down his cheek, then he disappeared.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A few days later, you were discharged from the hospital and you were grateful to be home again. You remembered most of what happened, but you couldn't shake the feeling of having gaps in your memory.

Over the next few months, you continued to recover from being in the hospital for what Sam and Dean said was a really bad car accident. Trouble was, you couldn't remember being in your car, but more like being dragged from it, as if you were being kidnapped.

Dean walked into the library on his way to his room. "Dean?" you asked.

"What?" he answered. "I have a question about my car accident. If I was in such a bad accident, why does my car look like it doesn't have a scratch on it?" you asked.

"We got it fixed for you as a surprise. I know how much you love that car, so we took it to the body shop. The guy owed me a favor, so he fixed it. You're welcome," he finished.

"Thank you," you mumbled. Something's not adding up here, you thought. And I'm going to find out what.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I'm telling you Sam, this memory messing-up thing that Cas did? I don't think he did it right. She's starting to remember stuff. Just now, she asked about why her car wasn't totaled after the accident," Dean told him.

"Yikes, what did you say?" Sam asked.

"I told her we had it fixed as a surprise, a guy with a body shop owed me a favor. But that's not going to hold forever. She's going to figure it out, man. And when she does...." he trailed off.

"Yeah, she's going to be upset with all of us, for lying to her and keeping this a secret," Sam replied.

"I think it's time for our angel friend to know what's going on. Castiel, need to talk to you man, it's really important. Could you come on down here, please?" Dean pleaded.

A fluttering of wings and Cas appeared next to Dean. "What's going on?" he asked.

"It's your girlfriend, Cas. She's starting to ask questions about the accident and I don't know how much longer me and Sam can keep lying to her," he explained.

"Where is she now?" Castiel asked.

"I left her in the library, so she should still be there," Dean answered. The boys went to the library to search for you, but you weren't there anymore. "She was JUST here, guys, I swear."

At that moment, you came around the corner from the kitchen, a bottle of water and an apple in your hand. You looked at the three of them and said, "Oh, hello, Cas. What brings you here today?" A dawn of understanding suddenly hit. All of the color drained from your face and you fainted, your water bottle and apple hitting the floor.

Cas rushed to your side and took you in his arms, rocking you back and forth. Your eyelids fluttered open and you brought your hand to his cheek. "Cas? Is it really you? I've missed you so much. Why did you go away for so long from me? These past few months have felt like a part of me was missing, and not just my memories," you asked, tears shimmering in your eyes.

"I'm so sorry, my darling. I thought I was doing the right thing to keep you safe, by erasing your memories of me. I have missed you, my love. I too have felt....incomplete without you. Can you ever forgive me?" he asked, with hope in his eyes.

You shifted so that you were in more of a sitting position directly in front of Cas. You leaned in towards Cas until your lips met in a soft, sweet kiss. "Does that answer your question?" you grinned.

Cas grinned back and leaned in for a deeper, more demanding kiss, his hand cupping your cheek. You could tell that Sam and Dean were starting to get a little uncomfortable watching all of this play out between you and Cas. They were about to leave when you said softly, "By the way, your wings are breathtaking, Castiel."

He pulled back from you in surprise and asked, "You can see them?" You nodded. "They are the perfect color of obsidian, with gold flecks sprinkled all across the feathers," you explained. "I love them," you whispered.

"Do you know what this means, my love?" You shook your head. "It means we are soulmates, destined to be together forever," Cas explained as he got up from the floor, pulling you with him.

"Together? Forever?" you asked. "I like the sound of that," you grinned as you adjourned to your room. "Honeybee, with what I've learned from the pizza man, I'm going to make you love it," Cas replied huskily with a grin as he closed and locked the door.