#-I cannot work outside when I struggle to just get around and carry things inside

[kihaku-gato]

The sooner I can be out of bed for longer than mealtime the better. It gets maddening being stuck in bed while this sick.

[romanarose]

For the Longest Time: Chapter 8 Part 2

William Miller x Fem!OC (Lorelei Giang)

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist :Playlist

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Summary: Bickering and THEN FUCKING!

Warnings: Bickering, Lorelei's issues WIIIIIIITH: Body image, her body count, her daddy and mommy issues, racist white men, military men, generational trauma, implied horrors committed during the vietnam war, trust issues. Will issues wiiiiiiith horrific child abuse, OCD, Benny, his back! Benny's issues wiiiith bulimia, ALICE. FUCKING. PIV sex, blowjob, dick so big it kinda hurts, lil cock waming, smooching smooching smooching, aftercare.

A/N: Okay now chapter 8 is fucking done. I cannot fucking wait for chapter 9 bc it's gonna be SO FUCCCCCCCKING DRAMATIC. We fianlly will get the full scope of what Alice is doing to our dear Benny and why Benny isnt himself.

**************

Lorelei packed her things in the hotel room in a fury, hobbling around in bare feet but still wearing her dress. She wanted out, she wanted to go home. 

After she had cried out all her tears on Frankie’s chest, he guided her over the table, his arm fast around her still. For a moment she worried Jana would be suspicious of her, but Jana wasn’t a jealous woman. She took a napkin, dipping it in water and stood to wipe off the make-up that had smeared. 

“I think I’m gonna just go to my room…” Lorelei mutters with a sniffle. Jana stands up and puts her flats back on.

“I’ll come with.”

“No, thank you.” She shook her head, gathering her things but not looking at either of them. “I’m just gonna go home. Thank you, both of you.” And she meant it. Lorelei left, heading out of the ballroom and around the maze of the fancy hotel until she found her room again.

Lorelei wasn’t sure what she wanted, she wasn’t sure why she was so goddamn mad. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was the frustration of a long night, worry for Ben, anger at Alice for what she’s doing to him and things she’s said to Laci. Maybe she was just tired. Or maybe she was struggling with the fact that when she allowed herself to fall into him, the vulnerability was betrayed. She felt bad that she didn’t ask what Will saw, and that she didn’t follow him to confront Benjamin and Alice, but she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to carry that much further.

“Lore? What are you doing?” Will’s voice was soft and cautious as he entered the room. Lorelei kept her back to him, shoving her clothes into her bag. 

“I’m going home, Will.”

There was a pause. “...To Philly?”

Lorelei stopped, hanging her head and sighing before she turned around to face him. “No, William. That’s not my home. I’m gonna call a taxi back to town, you stay here and sleep outside Ben’s door or something, I don’t care.” She turned back to her work, trying to keep her make-up and skin care organized still.

“Lorelei, I’m sorry for leaving you on the dance floor, I am, Fish already chewed me out.”

“I get it. It’s fine. Ben or more important to you than me, that makes sense.”

“Baby, what are you-”

She was practically shoving things in her bag now, anger making her less organized. “He’s family. Chloe’s family. I’m just here to help you fulfill your dreams of fatherhood, although you parent Ben enough I don’t how much time you’ll have for her.”

“Don’t say-”

Lorelei didn’t mean a word she said, but the words poured out of her uncontrollably. “He’s your brother, I’m just some bitch you came inside.”

“Lore!” Will strode over to where she was, gently turning her to take a look at him, finding tears in her eyes as she gazed up. “Don’t you ever talk about yourself like that. Ever. You understand me? Do you really think when we had sex, it meant nothing to me? Lorelei Giang, I have wanted you since the day I met you, you know how disappointed I was when Ben said you had a boyfriend? Every time, every fucking time I ran into you, I ran those scenes through my head for hours, trying to memorize all the details because that is all I thought I’d have.” His face is earnest, pleading, begging her to understand what she meant to him. “What we shared that night was something beautiful, Lorelei, and out of it came our daughter, out of it came our friendship. Our friendship is something I value, but Lore, you’re crazy if you think that’s all I want.”

She was unsure how to take his words, standing there with his hand on her shoulder still. She took a step back, letting his hand drop. “What do you want, William?”

He sighed, exasperated. “I want you, Lorelei, why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“I have no doubt you want me,” She emphasized, crossing her arms and putting that symbolic barrier up. “That’s not the point. You think I don’t want you? You think that I haven’t gotten myself off to the memory of that night 100 times? You think I could watch you take care of Rosie, watch how you love your friends, see you smile and laugh and protect me and look so goddamn tall doing it and NOT fall in love with you?”

Her words fell heavy in the air, tension and frustration and love and longing all swirling around, suffocating the room.

“You love me?” Will asked, quiet and hesitant.

Lorelei threw up her hands. “Of course I do, William! Have you any idea what it's like to live with you every day and see the kind of man you are and not fucking suck your dick about it?” 

Will blinked in confusion for a moment before his brain caught up. “They whyyyy aren’t we together?”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

Will watched her for a moment, as beautiful as ever in her red dress, even though most of her make up was off. Perfection. 

“Lore… I know you’ve been hurt real bad. I know your dads, Tyler, all the men in your life have failed you none fucking stop, but-”

“But what? You’re different? You’d be better? You’d never kick me out or hit me r call me a whore-”

“YES!”

“Do you have any idea the amount of men I’ve slept with, Will?”

“I don’t care, I really don’t.”

She threw up her hands. “I’m 34, only a few relationships in my life, several men  per year, several per month sometimes-”

Gentle, Will stepped up, gathering both of her hands into his. When she didn’t pull away, he brought them to his lips, kissing the knuckles as he looked down at her. After pause, he spoke quietly. “Why are you telling me this.”

The tears were hot down her face, streaming down heavily. Lorelei looked up at Will, his kind eyes willing and open. It all came out. “Because you don’t love me, men don’t love me. They want me. They want to fuck me, and that’s fine, I like to fuck but they always think they can change me. Men, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but especially white men and military men,” Will was both. “See asian women a certain way. They think we’re submissive, quiet, virginial. You ever watch 90-Day Fiance? The amount of men that seek out women from Asia, like the Philpines, they always say creepy as shit about what they want in a woman, and they are sorely fucking dissapointed when they realiz we are real fucking people not a fuck doll that cooks for you!”

Still holding her hands, bringing them to this chest, he made sure the grip wasn’t tight. He didn’t want her to feel trapped, like he’d hold her there. He’d never force her to do anything or stay anywhere she did not want. “Princess, do you think I think that way? Do you think I don’t see you as a person?” He tried not to sound offended, like it was a personal attack. While he knew he wasn’t the sort of man she was describing, and he hoped she didn’t see him that way, he knew that she lived an experience he would never fully understand. The best he could do was listen, and not be on the defense.

Lorelei shook her head, “No, I don’t think you are… it’s just… I’m Vietnamese, Will. Do you have any idea what happened to Vietnamese woman when American soldiers came?”

Will could feel his skin grow hot. He did know, he knows that sexual abuse of women in general by military men but especially the native women in foreign wars was a massive fucking problem, and he knew the Vietnam war was some of the worst out there. He knew that that sort of generational trauma would not just go away by him being nice.

“I’m not saying you’re like that-”

“I get it.” Will reassured. “I understand, I’ve heard and delt with men in my tropes that talked about wanting to get stationed in South Korea or other Asian bases. And for what it’s worth, which I know isn’t a lot, I’m really fucking sorry you have felt this way you’re whole life.” It all made sense. Her being sexualized her whole life, the push to be submissive, which is a word Will would never describe her as, nor would she want to. The abuse from her step-dad, abandonment from her bio dad… it was a miracle that she came out of it all as well adjusted as she was. Will was so fucking proud of her.

Lorelei sniffles, calming down more in Will’s firm touch. “It’s not just that. My mom and step-dad didn’t help, always making me feel like my worth was tied to my looks when I have so much more to offer.”

“You do, you are so fucking wonderful, Lorelei.” He let go of her hands and for a moment she lamented the loss, but was quickly comforted by a strong, bear hug, ever-careful of the swell of her stomach. “I understand why you’re hesitant to get back in a relationship. I understand if you don’t want to be with me, now or ever.” Will took her face in his hands, guiding her to look up at him. Her he loved her dark eyes, the way her face was full as she gained weight, he loved her thick, strong hair and those creases between her eyebrows and on her forehead from frowning. He loved her. “But I swear to you, Lorelei, I love you exactly as you are. I don’t need nor want whatever version other men have tried to force you into, I don’t love you because you are the mother of my children, I don’t want you to look or act any way other than yourself. I love you in all your badass, take-no-shit, sweet-as-pie, caretaking, punch-your-stupid-ex-until-he-lost-a-tooth” Lore giggled at that, making Will smile. “Pin-up model, strong-as-hell, James-Dean-loving, sexy-as-shit madness.”

He kissed her forehead. He kissed her nose.

Lorelei pulled on his tie and to her lips, kissing him hard, passionate and wet.

Their first kiss.

Will returned it with no hesitation, opening his mouth to her and wrapping her up in his strong grasp. He’s intoxicating, swallowing up her insecurities, her fears, her tongue, all in a desperate pursuit for Will to make her feel like she’s worthy, like she’s safe. Will explores every inch of her mouth, the chip in the the moller from her brother putting pebbles in her food, the snaggled canine and her uneven front teeth from her never wearing her retainer since the week she got her braces off. The faint taste of red lipstick.

He tries to pull away, but is still desperate to be close that Will keeps his lips pressed against hers.  “What does this mean?” He pants, “for us?”

“It’s means I wanna fuck you.” She pulls him close by his belt, feeling a hardening bulge against her swollen belly.

“Lorelei.”  His breath was hot against her skin, voice strained like it was taking everything in him not to fuck her into the mattress right then and there.

“It means…” She goes for his belt buckle, desparate and needy and so goddamn horny for him, having fuck no one but a vibrator in months, and that was getting more and more difficult. “That I want to be with you, Will, if you’ll be patient.”

“I will.” The belt slide off.

Next, she went for the maroon sports coat. “And you’ll call me out when I’m being a brat.”

She felt him smirk against her before going back to kissing, and undoing the corset top with a little tug. “I always do.”

Her touch slowed, just a bit as Lorelei’s voice dropped an octave. More gentle. “And will you let me take care of you, so you don’t gotta carry everything on your shoulders?”

His touch slowed in time with hers, the kisses less frantic, less consuming. Taking their time. “Y-” Will stops, almost like he’s hesitating in the promise. He swallows thickly. “yes…” He slowly unlaced the dress, fingers warm against her skin.

Lorelei begins unbuttoning his shirt, but stops when she remembers. Shirt stays on. “Sorry” She whispers, and begins to rebutton what she did, resting her forehead on the peak of his chest still exposed. “Sorry…”

Will’s hands stopped her fingers. She looked up at him. Will wanted her, he wanted her fully and she’d shown him so many harsh parts of herself… but this was something he needed time for. It had taken a long time before he was comfortable with Emily seeing this.

“Just… don’t touch my back, okay?” A compromise. A start.

“Okay.” Lorelei nodded and whispered, continuing to unbutton. “You can take off my dress.” She knew he’d want permission before making a move like that. Shaking fingers on her shoulders, sliding down her arms and over the floral tattoo on the upper half. He pushes the loose dress down gently. She takes on her black panties. Then, her body is exposed fully to him. Although they’d been nearly naked together before, this felt new/ Much more vulnerable. 

“Fucking beautiful.”

Looking in the mirror the last few months, she didn’t feel beautiful. She was growing accustomed with how her body was changing, she was bring a life into the world, for fucks sake. Still, she didn’t feel beautiful. Right now, with Will. She felt fucking sexy.

She went back to unbuttoning him, with every few inches of skin exposed, Lorelei planted kisses on his chest, never breaking contact with his baby blues. Lower, lower still she sunk down as she kissed him, down to the ever so slight swell of a belly. Hitting the gym couldn’t stop the fact he was nearly forty,, and they’d be snacking pretty heavily the last few months. She loved every inch. As she kissed down his happy trail, sinking to her knees and unbuttoning his pants, Will tried to insist she didn’t have too. Yeah, she knew that. But her mouth was fucking watering for it.

It happened slow, it HAD TOO, he was so fucking huge she had to take her time. And Frankie was supposed to be BIGGER? Jesus fucking Christ. As Lorelei swallowed him, lower and lower down his shaft each time, she felt him fully. The hair on his thighs as she licked the salt pre-cum off his tip. The scar, clearly a bullet wound, on his abdomen as she sucked on his balls. Her painted red nails digging into the meat of his ass as she gagged around him, attempting to bury her face in his blonde hairs, but not quite getting there.

It was only when she gagged hard that Will pulled Lorelei off him, slightly in awe as the strong of spit connected from her mouth to his cock. “C’mon, lemme feel you.”

“But I wanna take you all the-”

His large, pale hand found her golden brown face. “We’ll have plenty of time for that later, princess.”

Princess.

She kissed him, hard and passionate and all consuming as she pushed his naked, perfect body to the bed, making him sit. “Need you inside me.”

“Baby, let me open you up first-”

“William Miller.” She took the moment to be taller than him, admittedly still not by much. “I have wanted to fuck you so goddamn bad since the second your dick pulled out of me, and I opened myself up this morning on a massive pink fucking dildo because I am incomprehensibly horny every goddamn day.” Lorelei pinched his cheeks, dark eyes intense. “If you’re not inside me soon, I will literally cry so goddamn hard you have no idea.”

After a beat, Will burst out into bellowing laughter that Lorelei mirrored in giggles, squealing when he picked her up and placed her to straddle over his body. Loreilei knelt on the bed, excitement thrilling her, filling her with electricity that she couldn’t doubt for a second Will was feeling as he smiled up at her. “You know…” She spoke softly, cardingehr fingers through his blonde hair. “Our first time was special…”

“I know.” He matched her soft tone, caressing over her stomach. He loved Lorelei and Chloe with everything in him. “I know…”

“But this?” A kiss on the forehead, adoring the way his fingers squeezed her hips. “This feels like the first time. Our first real time…”

“I know exactly what you mean…” His voice was nothing short of wonder.

Eyes shut tight, Lorelei lined herself up with Will’s cock, gripping his shoulders and resisting the urge to hold onto his back. He was so much, was he always this much? She was definitely swollen, feeling much more sensitive as she slowly took him. Will didn’t pull her down like many men before, instead she realized he was holding her up with his hands under her ass, allowing her to go at her own pace. When she finally took all of him inside her, sighing in relief as she was spread across him.

“Let’s just stay like this for a minute.” William whispered in her ear, playing with her hair. He must have known how overwhelming it felt for her.

She nodded, eyes still closed tight, holding onto him. She felt full, so goddamn full it was unreel, her walls pulsing around him and struggling to adjust.

“I’m gonna touch you, beautiful girl, okay? Gonna make it easier.” While one hand never left her hair, Will’s right hand went between her legs, playing with her clit. Small circles, playing with the pressure until he heard her whimper. “Ah, just like that?” He continued at the pace she seemed to like, wet slick coking his fingertips. It didn’t take long for a small orgasm to take her over, just enough to allow her to relax and provide extra natural lubrication.

Still Will didn’t pressure her to move. Lorelei stayed like that, clinging to him like her rock in the ocean as her orgasm subsided. It was then she opened her eyes. In there frenzy, neither of them had taken note of the mirror right above their headboard. A well-placed mirror was nothing new to Lorelei, but this was not that scenario. She wasn’t admiring hers or a partner's body, she wasn’t using the scene as porn… she was looking at Will’s back.

All across it were lacerations. Broad or small, mangling his skin up and down his back. Whippings if she had to guess. And from his dad was her first guess. He said he was above, he said he hit them… she never could have imagined it was anything like this. She wondered how many of these lashings he’d taken for Benny. 

Slowly, she began moving, up and down on him, tears in her eyes. She couldn’t protect him as a child. She couldn’t protect him as a teen. She wasn’t there to hold him or nurse him back to health. But she’d be there from now on, taking care of him and his racing mind and their precious child.

With his hands on her waist, he aided her as she rode him. Up and down, he filled Lorelei up over and over again, turning her into a moaning mess as he gazed up at her in adoration. She was his everything. His two girls, in his arms at this moment.

“I love you, Will, I fucking love you.” She felt buried in him, just as he buried himself into her cunt, everything that surrounded her was William. Nothing mattered but William. She didn’t need to wonder why her dad left, because Will wouldn’t leave. She didn’t need to wonder why Tyler hit her, because Will would rather die. She didn’t need to wonder why she wasn’t enough for her family because she was enough for him.

“I love you, Lorelei, I love you so goddamn much and I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry this whole time I made you think I didn’t.” His eyes shone with tears, just as hers did. Their faces came crashing together, faces ever-so-slightly wet with a mix of soft tears.

Together, they orgasmed in unison. 

Together.

Will fell backwards on the bed, taking Lorelei with him in his arms. He pulled out carefully, so, so carefully, and even still she whimpered a bit. Will kissed her forehead with an apology, then went to get some things to clean her up. When he walked back, naked and broad, a sun god in all his glory, his stride stuttered a bit at he took note of the mirror.

He didn’t say anything at first. William cleaned between her legs, telling her how good she did, how pretty she was, how much he loved her. Then, after putting her in his sweats and t shirt and pulling pants on himself, Will nudged her exhausted body until her head rested on his lap. There, he did as much of her face routine as he could without a sink. He wiped up all her make-up, then used cotton pads to apply toner. Finally, he took out a serum she brought and her jade roller, dripping it on her face and carefully rolling it.

“So, I assume you saw my back then?”

“Yeah.” Lorelei whispered. “We don’t gotta talk about it.” She sounded sleepy, Will’s touch oh-so soothing. The jade roller felt nice. “I won’t touch your back or anything until you’re ready. Even if that’s never.”

William smiled at her, Lorelei’s loose curls falling all around his lap. “Thank you, princess. I’ll tell you about it, I swear. Just not now.”

“Okay.” Drifting off, she had enough energy to reach up and touch Williams face. “Baby?”

“Hm?” He asked, eyes steady on his work. He didn’t wanna miss any parts, but he didn't want it in her eyes or mouth.

“What happened with Ben?”

Will sighed, putting down the jade roller. He thought back to the moment he left Lorelei. It was stupid, he knew. Not a lot should be able to pull him away from dancing with the love of his life. But when he saw Ben, knuckles bright red and face puffy, he knew the signs. There was no denying it, and he knew it was Alice’s fault, with the comments she’d been making on his eating.

“He’s throwing up again.”

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MAAAAAN THIS IS THE MOST LONGEST SMUT IVE WRITTEN IN A WHILE

I hope this all seemed to flow naturally. I was trying to hit all the points I wanted to ;-;

ANYWAY get ready to dread the next chapter lolololololol

Please let me know how you felt about them getting together <3

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @kirsteng42

[illumiera]

for the oc relationship asks...👀

11, 15, 23, 25, 26, 30, 85... (I could go on forever with these, really...😭)

✨ from these asks! ✨

ee, thank you for the ask, Gigi! 💖

11. Who is clingy?

you know, I don't feel like either Miraak or Elentari are what you'd call "clingy"! that is, they love being around one another and draw strength from each other's company, they're very in-tune with one another, and they're very physically affectionate in private, but there's always space for both to breathe and spend time apart doing their own thing if need be. I guess it comes with that innate dragonsoul-knowledge that the other is nearby!

15. How do they comfort one another when the other is upset?

they both struggle somewhat heavily with nightmares. Ellie in particular regularly dreams of her family and how she (in her eyes, at least) failed to save them, and for a while after Apocrypha, Miraak must battle dreams where he is there again.

a kind of ritual develops where, without a word, whoever has the nightmare will head outside to Ellie's beautiful garden beneath the stars. the other will follow them, sit beside them, and begin telling them a story that always works wonders in calming the other down. it doesn't have to be a fictional story, either—sometimes it's pulled from a book or invented wholecloth, but sometimes, it's a tale from that person's own life.

(usually, they'll head back inside after a while, or Miraak will carry Ellie to bed if she falls asleep, but they have been known to doze off lying in the grass, kept warm by either magic or the body heat Miraak emits.)

23. Who said "I love you" first?

so, they haven't said those three words to one another yet in their fic—and nor are they at a point to do so—but I have a Very Good Feeling it will be Miraak... 👀

25. Do they have any pet names for one another?

DO THEY EVER.

Miraak has many names for Elentari: rinisili (my same-soul), Kundruniik (light-bringer; the first name he knew her by), vusoveni (my nightingale), mal dovahdin (little dragon-maiden, meant complimentarily), mal yolstrun (little firestorm), filjud or filjudi (star-queen or my star-queen), filsehili (star of my heart). TO NAME A FEW.

as for Ellie's names for him, she might well come to use his birth name, Mímir, as a name just for the two of them—at least until he's comfortable reclaiming it altogether. as a lover of languages, she's fluent in Old Bretic, which is just me repurposing Quenya Elvish; as their relationship develops, she'll call him anarinya (my sun). in Dovahzul, she might go for rinisili, wuth dovah (old dragon, meant teasingly), or to match his filsehili, shulsesili (sun of my soul).

26. Who gets jealous most often? How does their S/O deal with that?

funnily enough, that draconic urge to go all "mine!" aside, they're not jealous people, either! I don't think they really see a need for it, not when they know just how much the other feels for them.

30. Describe how one character would cheer up the other after a hard day.

let's say Ellie has a bad day for whatever reason, one that cannot be improved by killing whomever or whatever is responsible—ahem. either on foot or through flight, Miraak will take her to a secluded beauty spot where they can both just be. if she wishes to talk, she can, but if not, what better way to calm down than to watch the stars, the sunset, or the world going by?

she'll often do this for Miraak, too, or simply hold him in comfort. through her, he's learning that there exists a world where he can be what he might deem weak, and there's neither danger nor shame in it, only safety.

85. Their S/O is tipsy. How do they handle it?

for a good while, it's Ellie who has the stronger alcohol tolerance of the two of them—after all, several millennia in Apocrypha probably reduced Miraak's ability to hold his mead, and she likes a glass of wine or two now and then. she finds him funny when he's a little tipsy, as long as he doesn't fall asleep and render himself impossible to move without magic given the height and weight difference between the two of them.

(get them both drunk, however, and they'll start chatting animatedly, or trotting off on an Adventure, or wandering between Tamrielic and Dovahzul like it's no big deal, or No Really, I Can Do This Fascinating Thing With Magic, Look—)

[watchmegetobsessed]

Failed, Faked, Fallen - Harry Styles

a/n: this story was a pain in the ass, not gonna lie and i really thought i would just end up deleting the whole thing but I MADE IT TO THE END YAY so now please take the time to read bc it literally made me want to jump off a cliff lol

special thanks to @pastequeharry​ for putting up with me throught the writing process, she is the reason i didn’t just delete the whole thing haha

pairing: Fratboy!Harry x Reader (fake dating AU)

word count: 16.6k

masterlist

Tonight has been in the making for ten years. Every fiber in your body is protesting against it, but you just can’t carry this massive secret around any longer. You need to tell your best friend that you are in love with him, have been since middle school when you first met him. It’s a scary thing to come clean about your feelings for someone, but you feel like it’s now or never.

Your friendship with Oliver has been always a little… blurry. You were just regular friends when he was dating someone, but whenever he was single, he seemed to seek comfort and intimacy with you. It always starts with him getting a little more touchy and cuddly with you, then comes the kissing and hugging, his hands wandering to places friends shouldn’t explore and you somehow always end up in a bed…  

Then it would immediately change once he got himself a girlfriend and you figured he has just been confused about his feelings for you. It has to be that, right? These past few weeks the situation was the same. He broke up with this girl he was seeing all summer before you all came back to school and you think this is the perfect time to finally talk about what’s really going on between the two of you.

Your roommate, Sandra has helped you with your makeup for tonight’s frat party and now you are deciding on the dress. You want to look your best so when Oliver confesses his love for you tonight, you’ll look as dreamy and pretty as you always dreamed about.

“The black one is fucking mint,” Sandra points at the black bodycon dress lying on your bed. “I can give you my red leather jacket,” she offers, finishing up putting her hoop earrings in.

“The red jacket?” you eye her in surprise. Sandra loves that jacket more than her own life. The two of you have been sharing your clothes since you became roommates last year, but the jacket has been off limits always.

“I know how important tonight is for you. The occasion deserves the red jacket,” she chuckles, stepping to her wardrobe to get the jacket. It’s the most badass leather jacket you’ve ever seen, looks so perfect on Sandra every time she wears, you feel honored she is letting you take it for the day.

“Oliver won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you,” she smiles at you excited once you’re all dressed. The jacket looks amazing, pulls the look together perfectly, you can’t deny that.

Soon enough, the two of you leave the dorm and head in the way of Kappa Chi, that’s only a fifteen minute walk away from your dorm. They are having a party almost every other week, those boys would celebrate the stupidest shit just to fill their house up with people and booze as much as possible. You and Sandra have been attending their parties since first year, it’s always a great way to unwind after a tiring week at uni.

“When is he coming?” Sandra asks over the music once you two arrive and head to the kitchen for a drink.

“Um, he texted me ten minutes ago that he is about to leave soon. He’ll be here shortly,” you tell her and thank her when she hands you a beer in a red solo cup.

The house is packed, just like always. Most of the football players from school are member of Kappa Chi, so naturally, all girls want to be around when they are throwing a party. You could say they are the popular guys, but it’s not like in the movies. They are just some particularly handsome guys living together, attracting a lot of girls. They are not at all unreachable, you are kind of friends with a few of them as well even without being a sorority girl yourself.

Standing in the kitchen you get into a conversation with a few girls from your dorm, that’s when you see Harry Styles storm through the house, Naomi Saddler following behind him, seemingly very much in the middle of a fight he doesn’t want to take part in. You know Harry, but you couldn’t say you two are that close. You did a group project last year together and he is actually a really smart guy despite the gossips about him just being a dumb womanizer. He surely is a ladies’ favorite, but you wouldn’t say the description fits him. You haven’t actually seen him with more than three girls since freshman year, unlike some of his other teammates that hook up with a different girl every weekend. He and Naomi have been in this on-off relationship for a few months now, but you don’t know much about them. You don’t run in the same groups to know the details.

The two of them disappear upstairs and you are pulled out of your thoughts when someone asks you a question, so you forget about Harry and Naomi in a blink of an eye.

An hour passes and still no sign of Oliver and you start to feel anxious. You shoot him a text, struggling a little with the typing thanks to the alcohol you’ve been consuming to keep your cool. Surprisingly, he answers right away.

Oliver: Be there in 3. Meet me outside?

Y/N: Sure!

“Alright, wish me luck,” you tell Sandra as you fill your cup again and head outside.

Kappa Chi has a nice backyard with a decent sized pool, some beerpong tables and lots of lounge chairs. You walk past the beerpong games, paying no attention to them at all as you go for an empty lounge chair. You sit down, fix your dress nervously and wait while you try to think through what you’ll tell him.

You can’t believe you are finally telling him how you are feeling. Your teenager self would be peeing herself is she knew what you are planning to do now. All those years of pining and crying whenever Oliver had a girlfriend in the past, now is your chance to finally be that girl and you’re actually quite convinced he’ll say he feels the same way about you.

Fidgeting with one of the zippers on Sandra’s jacket, you nervously wait for Oliver to show up. You look in the direction of the backdoor right when he appears from the crowd inside. Your heart skips a beat as you stand up quickly, a smile tugging on your lips. You are just about to wave in his way to catch his attention when you see some brunette by his side… holding his hand. And then she kisses him shortly right before they step out of the house.

What the fuck?! This cannot be true. Who is she? And why do you know nothing about her? Did Oliver keep it a secret that he is dating someone? But why?!

For a moment you actually feel like you are about to faint. Blood rushes out of your head as you see the couple walk their way around the beerpong tables, Oliver obviously looking for you, but you can’t bring yourself to move.

“Y/N! There you are!” he beams happily, pulling the brunette with him when he finally spots you. You need a moment for yourself to get over the first wave of your shock.

“Oh, yeah! Hi!” you smile awkwardly, eyes meeting with the girl’s. She is so pretty and actually seems nice. You hate her for that.

“Y/N, I want you to meet Lexi,” Oliver introduces the brunette. “Lexi, this is Y/N.”

“I’ve heard so much about you, Y/N!” she smiles, pulling you into a hug that catches you off guard for sure.

“Wow, I… wish I could say the same,” you bitterly reply, eyes meeting Oliver’s once Lexi lets go of you. He is clearly uncomfortable at your comment, but tries to mask it quickly.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I haven’t had the chance to tell you about Lexi. But it’s kind of new.”

“How new?”

“We’ve been going out for about three weeks,” she answers your question, her hand finding his pretty quickly as she smiles up at him with so much adoration.

“Oh,” is all you manage to get out for a moment. You still haven’t completely processed that your plan just went straight out the window and that once again, Oliver chose another girl over you.

But then, the more you think about it, the angrier you get. You are tired of this stupid game you two have been playing, but you also have no idea what to do about it.

“I thought that Y/N, if you have a boyfriend, we could maybe go on some double dates! Would be so much fun!” Lexi suggests, but her words make your stomach churn. You have always wanted to go on double dates, but with Oliver being your date. Not someone else’s…

“I uhh… I don’t…” You are so frozen, you can’t even think of an answer, you just want to leave as soon as possible, so you can cry yourself to sleep. Oliver brings an arm around Lexi’s shoulders, looking down at you as if he wasn’t cuddling you just not that long ago. As if he wasn’t preaching your beauty a few weeks ago, making you feel like the only girl in the world. This is so not fair.

“Y/N is not a fan of double dates.”

Suddenly, an arm swings around your shoulders and a tall body stands next to you, pulling you to his side. Turning your head you are shocked to see Harry standing there, smiling at Oliver and Lexi as if this discussion was completely his business.

Oliver seems just as shocked as you are. He is staring at the football player by your side with wide eyes.

“Wait, you two are… dating?”

“It’s pretty new, but yeah. Y/N and I have been going out for a while. Right, baby?” He squeezes your arm, glancing down at you and when your eyes meet, he gives you a look that says ‘just go with it, I’m saving your ass’ and you decide to play your part.

“Oh, umm, yeah. We’ve kind of reconnected when we got back after the summer,” you nod, hoping that your voice doesn’t give you away.

“That’s amazing!” Lexi cheers, clearly eating up the impromptu lie, but as you glance at Oliver, you can tell he is sceptic.

“I didn’t even know you were friends in the first place,” he comments, eyebrows furrowed a little as he eyes Harry’s hand on your shoulder.

“We were! We had a great time working on a group project last year and then later I asked for her number. But the summer was so busy for both of us, so we kind of fell out, but then we met again in September and I finally manned up to ask her out.”

You are impressed by how easily Harry is lying. If you didn’t know it wasn’t true, you would eat it up just as easily as Lexi is doing right now. Especially because his body language matches up with what he is saying so well. He is keeping you close, fingers dancing on your upper arm and shoulder, anyone would think he actually has a thing for you, but you know that’s not true. You two are barely even friends.

“That sounds so nice. We definitely should meet up sometime, the four of us!” Lexi suggests again and you stop yourself from rolling your eyes.

“We’ll see about that. But I’ll have to steal Y/N away now, I have something to show her.” Harry bids his goodbye quickly, pulling you away before Oliver could even say a thing and you just blindly follow him inside the house.

You don’t even process what’s happening. Harry takes your hand, pulling you through the crowd and you catch Sandra’s gaze who is still standing in the kitchen, her eyes widening when she sees you with Harry. You just shrug in confusion, following Harry upstairs until he leads you into a room that, you assume, is his.

When he shuts the door closed, the noises of the party gets muffled and you look at him with probably the stupidest look ever.

“Alright, let me explain myself,” he breathes out. “I’m sorry if I stepped over some boundaries, I just… I was outside and heard the conversation. Thought I would help you out.”

“But what made you think I needed help?” you ask. The conversation was very innocent for an outsider. He couldn’t know what you were planning to do, so why did he think you needed his help?

Harry gives you a tight-lipped smile, cocking his head to the side.

“Y/N, we might not be close friends, but I’ve seen you around with Oliver. It’s written on your forehead that you have the fattest crush on the guy.”

“What?!” you snap, feeling your cheeks heating up. “Is this really that obvious?!”

“Don’t worry, seems like he is one of the few that don’t seem to notice it. I saw how uncomfortable you were when he introduced the girl. Seemed like you needed the help.”

Nodding you take a few seconds to process everything that just happened. You shouldn’t have drunk that much, because now your brain has to work even harder to put the picture together.

“Alright, but… now they think that we are dating. Lexi will want to meet up with us and it will look stupid if we never even show up again together.”

Harry nods, his lips rolling into his mouth and you know just from his look that there’s more.

“Yeah, about that. I might have had some selfish reasons behind my actions as well.”

“What do you mean?”

Harry walks past you, over to his bed and sits on the edge, leaning forward to rest his arms on his thighs. You’re not sure what to do with yourself, if you should sit next to him or somewhere else, he has a few beanbags in the corner of his room, but you decide to just keep standing.

“So, I don’t know if you know this but I had this thing with Naomi Saddler.”

“Harry, everyone knows it.”

“Right, yeah,” he chuckles awkwardly. “So the thing is, we have broken up a long time ago, but she keeps coming after me and I’m just so over it. So when we were fighting earlier today I told her that I’m dating someone else so I would appreciate if she left me alone.”

He doesn’t need to say more, you finally see the whole picture. He helped you because he felt sorry for you, but also because he thought it would benefit him as well. You could be his new girlfriend so Naomi would finally let him be. You have to admit, it’s a lucky coincidence, but still, the situation is a little absurd for your liking.

“So… what are we supposed to do now?” you ask, tilting your head to the side. Harry looks up at you, seemingly surprised you haven’t snapped at him.

“Well, I know it sounds crazy, but I think we both would benefit from it if we just… pretended to be a couple,” he clears off.

“Like, a real couple?”

“Well, obviously not real, but it would look real to others,” he chuckles, standing up and taking a few steps closer to you. “I know it sounds stupid, but I’m convinced we could pull it off.”

“We barely know each other.”

“We’ll have plenty of time for that, won’t we?” he asks with a boyish smirk. “Look, we just have to appear together here and there. I’ll pick you up sometimes, we can go for lunch or dinner sometimes, and I’ll get you tickets for some of my games. That’s it. People will see us out together and that’s gonna be perfectly enough. Or do you actually hate me? Now is the time to tell me.”

“I don’t hate you, I don’t know you that well,” you reply with a soft chuckle. “But I’m not convinced enough this is a good idea at all.”

Harry sighs and walks closer until he can rest his hands on your shoulders. You look deep into his green eyes as he smiles at you warmly.

“Let’s make a deal. You can use me as an excuse whenever Oliver and Lexi wants to hang out with you, or if they actually force you to meet them, I’ll go with you so you won’t be the third wheel. And you’ll just have to say that I’m your boyfriend and spend some time with me so Naomi believes I’m dating you. I think it’s a fair deal for the both of us. And you can call it off anytime, I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

You chew on your bottom lip, thinking hard to figure out what to do. Judging from this short conversation with Lexi, you’re sure she’ll try to keep you around often, but you are not in the mood to watch Oliver be all lovey-dovey with someone else, so you could actually use a solid excuse, which Harry just offered you on a silver plate. You just have to spend some time with him in exchange and tell people he is your boyfriend. It’s not that horrible and you always thought Harry is nice company, you two just never was in the same friend group to get closer. You can’t really bring up anything against his plan.

“Okay,” you finally nod, Harry’s eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“Really?”

“Why are you so shocked? Your points were valid, I’m willing to give it a try.”

“Yes! Thank you!” he cheers, arms wrapping around you as he hugs you tight in excitement. “I’ll be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, you won’t be disappointed!”

You want to say how it’s easy to be the best because you’ve had none so far, but you decide to keep this information to yourself.

“We need to get our story straight though, so we don’t mess it up when someone asks.”

The two of you go over an elaborate timeline of your nonexistent relationship so you’ll be able to tell the same story. It’s the same he told Lexi and Oliver outside, you just agree on the details, like when you started dating, how he asked you out, what you’ve been doing as a couple lately.

When you leave his room a little later you’re still a tad bit shocked where this evening ended up heading. You really thought tonight would be the turning point for you and Oliver, but now you are in a fake relationship with Harry Styles, ready to fool everyone around you.

Walking down the stairs Harry takes your hand and laces your fingers together. You agreed on no kissing on the lips for now, but other touching is allowed, you’re just not used to have someone other than Oliver touch you like this.

“Want another drink?” he asks as the two of you walk into the kitchen. You’ve already caught some wide-eyed look upon your arrival, but you’re trying your best to ignore them.

“I surely need it,” you nod, making Harry chuckle.

Sandra and the other girls are still in the kitchen and she immediately pulls you to the side when Harry lets go of you to get drinks.

“What the fuck?!” she snaps, clearly a little drunk, but not enough to ignore the fact that she has seen you now two times holding Harry’s hand.

“Sandra, don’t freak out, I’ll explain it all when we go home, alright? But… as far as you know, Harry and I are dating.”

“You what? You better fucking tell me everything when we get back to the dorm!” she demands right when Harry appears, two cups in his hands, giving you one of them.

“Here,” he smiles warmly.

“Thank you. Harry, this is Sandra, my roommate.”

“Hi, I think I’ve seen you around, but we just never met.” Harry holds out his now empty hand and Sandra shakes it with a dramatic smile, clearly still confused about the situation.

“Yeah, but I guess we’ll be… seeing each other more?” she implies, telling Harry she knows something is up without using those words.

“Ehm, I guess,” he nods, a little uncomfortable before he turns to you. “Alright, I’ll get out of your hair. Let me know when you want to go back to the dorm.” “Sure,” you nod, Harry squeezes your hand gently before moving away.

Sandra is dying to know what the situation is with Harry, but you don’t really have the chance to talk in the middle of the party, so it’s postponed to later. You and Harry do your own thing through the rest of the night, occasionally interacting whenever you cross paths. When that happens he makes sure to touch your arm or face, have a few words with you so people see that the two of you have a thing going on.

It’s a little past one am when you and Sandra decide it’s time to head home. As promised, you shoot Harry a text that you’re planning to leave and he replies with one saying he’ll meet you outside at the front. By the time you and Sandra step outside, he is already there waiting.

“Ladies, let me walk you home,” he smirks charmingly, offering his arm for the both of you, so this is how you head home: you, Sandra and Harry walking side by side with linked arms.

“Mm, Harry, I hope you know you won’t be spending the night in our room,” Sandra sighs, clearly a little too lost in her drunk thoughts. Harry chuckles, finding it amusing that Sandra is so blunt.

“Weren’t planning to.”

“Good. I’m not gonna listen to you guys have sex all night.”

“Sandra!” you snap at her, gasping. It’s funny how she also believed the little act you and Harry put up tonight.

The walk back to the dorm is short and it’s mostly filled with Sandra’s babbling about whatever catches her attention. Arriving to the building Sandra says her goodbye to Harry, heading up to the room on her own so you can have a minute with Harry.

“I’ve had at least ten people coming up to me tonight, asking about you,” Harry tells you, an excited sparkle in his eyes.

“Really? And what did you tell them?”

“What we agreed on. That you’re my girlfriend.”

“Sounds so weird,” you admit with a chuckle.

“You’ll get used to it,” he nods smiling. “Well, I’m gonna head back. I’ll talk to you later, okay? We’ll discuss the dates and all.”

“Very romantic,” you point out smirking, but Harry just laughs before he gives you a quick hug.

“Good night, Y/N. Or should I say, baby?”

“Bye!” you sing waving in his way as you walk into the building.

It’s no surprise that Sandra is already out when you walk into the room. Her clothes are in a pile next to her bed, but she managed to throw on at least a t-shirt before she passed out. You just smile at her before doing your quick night routine and go to sleep yourself.

“So… you are fake dating Harry, because Oliver introduced you his new girlfriend and also because he is trying to get rid of Naomi? Am I getting this right?”

Sandra narrows her eyes at you over her morning coffee the next day, though it’s already past noon. Waking up was a little painful for the both of you, but especially for her, the two of you decided to treat yourselves for a very late brunch while you tell her everything she needs to know about last night.

“Yeah,” you nod, taking a bite from your waffles. “I know, it sounds stupid, but… it can easily work great for the both of us.”

“I can’t believe he just came up with it. You guys are not even really friends.”

“I know, I was shocked when he appeared all of a sudden and called me baby. Almost fainted,” you chuckle.

“I hope you know you’ll be one of the most envied girls in school if the news spread and I’m sure it will, because even I heard people talking about you and Harry last night.”

“I know, but there’s not much I can do about that,” you shrug.

“I feel like it’s the plotline of some teenage rom-com,” Sandra huffs. “Just be careful, Y/N,” she sighs, finishing off her coffee.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that pretending can easily turn into reality. If you’ll spend so much time with Harry, there’s a chance you’ll develop real feelings for him. Just make sure you won’t end up with a broken heart.”

“That’s silly, I won’t fall for Harry. I…” You cut your words, thoughts wandering over to Oliver right away, and how you felt when he introduced you to Lexi.

“I hope you’re right,” Sandra tells you, stuffing the last bits of her muffin into her mouth.

The weekend flies by fast, you busy yourself with doing laundry and finishing a paper you need to turn in soon. Harry text you on Sunday that he’ll walk you to class on Monday morning and you agree to meet up a little earlier so you can actually talk it all out.

Sandra is still in bed when you leave in the morning. Just as Harry promised, he is waiting for you in front of the building, wearing his usual black skinny jeans and a loose grey shirt and a zip-up hoodie. His curls look untamed, a little all over the place, but it looks good on him. You have to admit, that he is definitely handsome, you understand why so many of the girls at school are after him.

“Good morning, girlfriend,” he smirks, holding out his hand for you that you take, still feeling a little weird about walking around campus hand in hand with him.

“Good morning. How was your weekend?”

“Pretty boring, we had to clean up after the party,” he chuckles. “Wanna grab a coffee?”

“Sounds perfect.”

You swing by the little café that’s on campus before aiming for a bench under one of the pergolas near the main building.

“So, you still haven’t changed your mind,” he speaks up. It’s not a question, more like a comment.

“Not yet,” you chuckle softly, sipping on your cappuccino.

“I meant it that you can tell me whenever you want out. I don’t want to force you into it in any way.”

“I know,” you smile at him. “I’m fine for now. It’s just still a little weird.”

“I know, but I’m kind of happy you are the one I’m doing this with.”

“How come?”

“I don’t know, you seem like a cool person. I actually enjoyed working with you last year on that project, you are funny and smart, I think we’ll get along pretty well.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” he smirks at you, taking a sip from his coffee. “You know, if I’m being honest I never understood why you and that Oliver guy were so close anyway. You’ve known him for a long time?”

“Yeah, met him in middle school and we’ve been friends since then.”

“And how long have you been… you know,” he implies, seemingly very careful not to ask something that would upset you.

“Pretty much ever since I’ve met him,” you admit with an awkward chuckle. It sounds so embarrassing to admit that you’ve been in love with your best friend for so long and never worked up the courage to do something about it.

“You never even tried to tell him?”

“I was too afraid of his reaction. I was planning to come clean at the party finally, but then he arrived with Lexi and… you know the rest.”

“I’m sorry. I know how shitty it is when you have feelings for someone and they don’t feel the same about you.”

“So what’s the situation with you and Naomi then?” you ask, thinking it’s only fair if you also know his story now that you confessed him how ridiculous you’ve been with Oliver all your life.

“We dated at the end of last semester, tried to keep it up in the summer as well, but it didn’t work. It made me realize I don’t even want it to work so I told her that we should just go our separate ways when I got back after the summer, but she wasn’t a fan of my idea.”

“She’s still in love with you?”

“I’m not sure if she ever was,” he truthfully answers. “I think she liked the idea of dating someone more than she liked me.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” he smirks at you playfully. “I’m all good. I just wish she could accept that I want to move on. It’s not ideal that I have to fake date someone to get rid of her.”

“She always seemed like a nice girl to me, I wouldn’t have guessed she can be so stubborn.”

“Well, she is a nice girl,” Harry nods. “We were just not compatible on the long run, you know? I couldn’t see it work in the future, so I didn’t want to waste more time on it.”

You just shyly nod, even though you don’t really know about it. You can’t, because you’ve never been in a similar situation. You’ve had a few attempts at dating in high school, but they never turned out the way you wanted and you always ended up pining after Oliver at the end, so you eventually gave up. But you’re not willing to admit that to Harry. It’s pathetic enough that you’ve been so hung up on Oliver your whole life, he doesn’t need to know that you gave up your whole dating life for the wait for him.

“Well, aren’t we a nice pair then? Two ridiculously failed love stories, how tragic,” Harry chuckles softly as he finishes up his coffee and throws the empty cup into the bin next to him.

“Yeah, pathetic,” you agree with a tight-lipped smile.

It takes some time for word to travel, but by the end of the first week of your fake relationship, it becomes a well-known fact that you are indeed dating Harry Styles. You don’t overdo it though, only meeting up once or twice a day, Harry usually walks you to your classes in the morning if he doesn’t have a lecture himself, you’ve had lunch together twice and you went to the library on Thursday together. It’s been pretty casual and you’ve been actually enjoying spending time with Harry, especially because it seems like Oliver has fallen off the face of Earth lately, barely even talking to you.

The more time you spend with Harry the more you realize he is nothing like others try to make him look like. You’ve heard many gossips about him being an empty-headed womanizer, but he is a lot smarter than people assume him to be, but he has proven it before as well. He actually has a great point of view of life and it’s nice to discuss basically anything with him.

Friday brings another party and though you didn’t plan on going, you had Sandra and Harry convincing you this time. Then later Oliver texted you asking if you’d be there and it angered you a little. He barely spoke to you and is now asking if you are coming to the party where he’ll probably keep ignoring you for Lexi. So you told him you and Harry would be there. He didn’t reply to that.

You and Sandra call an Uber, the Omega house is a little farther away from the dorm than the Kappa house. Harry called you to tell you he’d be a little late this time because they are having a double practice today, but he would come and find you when he arrives.

“Isn’t it a little weird you can’t hook up with anyone because of the Harry situation?” Sandra asks as the two of you make your way through the spacious living room, heading to the empty loveseat in the corner.

“As if I did a lot of hooking up before,” you scoff, taking a sip from your drink.

“Okay, but you could be doing it now, but you can’t, because people would think you’re cheating.”

“It’s a good thing then that I’m not into hooking up,” you point out with a shrug. You were never a fan of just hooking up with someone and then move on the next morning, that’s just not for you. It’s not a big deal that you are kind of out of the dating scene because of your arrangement with Harry, you don’t feel like you’re missing out on anything.

The two of you are joined by a few peers from one of Sandra’s classes and you barely even notice when Oliver and Lexi arrive, however, they immediately spot you.

“Y/N! Hi! So good to see you again!” Lexi greets you, pulling you into a completely unnecessary hug.

“Oh, hi. Good to see you too, I guess,” you chuckle awkwardly. Oliver gives you a side hug as well, but it seems like he is not entirely present in his head.

“Where’s Harry?” Oliver questions.

“He’ll be here soon, he just had double practice today,” you tell him and he nods shortly, but something feels off about him.

Lexi makes you come to the kitchen with them so she can get a drink and you can’t really think of a reason why you shouldn’t, so you find yourself listening to her nonstop chatter while Oliver is mixing them something to drink.

Y/N: Harry, SOS! When are you getting here?? I’m stuck with O and L…

You really hope he is somewhere close, because you’re not sure how long you can put up with their company.

“I know last time you said you’re not a fan of double dates, but I really think we should give it a try!” Lexi begs you, she even puts her bottom lip at you and it annoys you how she can’t just leave you to be.

“Yeah, I would love to get to know Harry better,” Oliver chimes in.

“You do?”

Relief washes over you the moment you hear Harry’s voice coming from behind you, a moment later you feel his palm on the small of your back and you’re finally rescued. He smells like fresh body wash, he surely just had a shower right before he came here. You let yourself lean into his side, curling an arm around his waist.

“Harry, nice to see you again,” Oliver smiles at him dryly and now you’re sure something is up with him, but what is it?

“Sorry I’m so late. Everything alright?” Harry looks you in the eyes and you know his question is more than just him being nice. He wants to know if Oliver and Lexi has driven you up the walls.

“I’m… fine, yeah,” you nod and he holds your gaze for another moment before nodding to himself.

“We were just talking about how amazing a double date would be. I’m sure you could convince Y/N to come, right?” Lexi smiles at Harry and you catch a small frown on his face before he returns the smile to Lexi. You find it funny, but you push down your laugh.

“Um, not sure. Y/N always has a strong will, not sure I want to go against it.”

“Oh, come on! It’ll be fun!”

“Y/N doesn’t like PDA, I’m sure double dating is a lot for her,” Oliver comments and your eyebrows shoot up at his words.

“How would you know if I disliked PDA?”

He has no valid information about it. He wouldn’t know, because the only person you ever wanted to get touchy and lovey in public was him, but he only let you get physically close to him when no one was around. When he felt like he needed someone in his bed so he didn’t feel too alone. When he let his hands roam your body under the blanket when you were watching a movie. He never let it happen with others around though, so how would he even know what you like? Hell, even you don’t know it…

Oliver’s eyes meet yours and it’s clear that your question caught him off guard.

“You told me,” he simply answers.

“I don’t remember,” you retort, not letting him get away with it this time.

“This is how you’ve always been.” He is clearly pissed that you are going against him.

“You know what? Let’s do a double date next weekend, alright? But we have somewhere to be now, if you’ll excuse us,” Harry cuts in, taking your hand as he pulls you away from the happy couple. You glance back at Oliver one last time before turning around.

Harry walks you out to the backyard and the cool air hits you hard in the head. You haven’t even realized how hot you were getting in there, but you’re not entirely sure it was because of all the people, rather of because Oliver’s behavior.

“Okay, what the fuck was that in there?” Harry questions.

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N, I’m not dumb or blind. Lexi might be oblivious to whatever you and Oliver have going on, but I’m not. Something has happened between you and him, right?”

You chew on your bottom lip, crossing your arms on your chest, not too keen on admitting it. You have never told anyone about it in details, not even Sandra. She knows you and Oliver get a little too close at times, but she has no idea you’ve slept with him on several occasions. You always thought you were a fool for sleeping with him and then watching him date other girls.

Unfortunately, your silence is enough for Harry to draw his conclusion.

“Wait, what? Did you two…?”

“Yes,” you shortly nod, feeling uncomfortable, but you can tell you can’t dodge this conversation this time.

“You’re telling me he has the nerve to sleep with you whenever it’s convenient for him and then drop you when he starts dating someone else?”

“It sounds worse than how it really is,” you mumble, but you don’t truly believe your own words. It’s pretty bad either way.

“Y/N, this is fucked up. A friend wouldn’t do that to you. It’s one thing to seek comfort at your friends, but using them for your own physical needs is just way beyond the line.”

You have nothing to say. Deep down you know he is right, you’ve always known, but you never knew what to do against it. Before you could even stop yourself, you feel your lips trembling, tears bubbling in your eyes as you glance at Harry. You expect pity from him, an act that tells you that you brought it all to yourself, but that’s not what you see. He gives you an apologetic look and he is quick to pull you into a tight hug, exactly what you need right now.

“I know, I’m so stupid,” you mumble into his chest.

“You’re not. He is just an ass,” he corrects you, earning a small chuckle from you. “Hey, do you want to get out of here?” he asks, pulling back so he can look into your eyes.

“You just got here.”

“Yeah, but I’m not really in the mood to party. Want to have a bite somewhere?”

“That would be… great,” you nod with a small smile, sniffling a little before you wipe your cheeks.

You let Sandra know you’re leaving with Harry and she can tell something has happened, but you just tell her you’ll talk later and she doesn’t push it further. Harry takes your hand as the two of you make your way through the people and you spot Oliver near the kitchen, one arm around Lexi’s shoulders as his gaze meets yours. You see him clenching his jaw when he sees your hand in Harry’s hold, but you don’t pay much attention to him, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.

Luckily Harry drove to the Omega house so now you don’t have to wait for a car or take a long walk, you can enjoy the comfort of his Rover as the two of you leave the party behind. It’s silent in the car, you fold your arms over your chest, your head resting against the car door, not even questioning him where you are headed.

About ten minutes later Harry pulls up at a little diner, the two of you walk in and it’s not surprising there are just a few people lingering around at this time, though you know later they’ll have quite a few drunk students that are on their way home and in desperate need of a late night bite.

You take an empty booth and a waitress arrives immediately, handing you each a menu.

“Do you go here often?” you ask quietly, eyeing the options.

“Sometimes. They have great fries.”

You nod and decide to have just a cheeseburger with fries and a lemonade while Harry gets the veggie burger and a milkshake. The waiter takes the order shortly and leaves you alone. You’re not sure what to say, but you feel like you need to say something.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, staring down at your arms laying on the edge of the table, your right hand covering your left.

“For what exactly?”

“For… I just feel so stupid about this whole… Oliver thing. I know I shouldn’t have done what we did, but I just… couldn’t say no. I know, sounds ridiculous.”

“No, not at all,” Harry shakes his head. “You fell for him and he used you. If there’s anyone to blame it’s him, he shouldn’t use a friend for his own selfish needs. I’m not judging you, it’s easy to fall into holes like this.”

“I just really thought that he came to me because I meant something for him, but I can tell that… it wasn’t anything like that. The way he acted today was shockingly sobering,” you chuckle bitterly. “I think he is mad that I’m not available for him anymore and he is trying to play us down,” you say pointing at him and yourself. “So when he breaks it off with Lexi he can count on me, but it’s not happening.”

“I am happy to help you teach him any kind of lesson,” Harry grins just as the waiter arrives with the food and you start the feast. “I know you despise the idea of going on a double date with them, but I think we could have a lot of fun,” Harry points out while eating.

“How?”

“It’s obviously bugging Oliver that you are dating someone, we could give him the extra happy couple act, make him question why he was always such an asshole to you.”

“You think it would bother him?”

“Absolutely,” he chuckles. “We would serve him all the sappy, lovey couple shit from movies and get under his skin. I think it would be fun.”

“Okay, let’s do it,” you nod and Harry grins at you from across the table.

“Yes! Fake dating on maximum level!” he cheers, punching into the air, making you laugh.

As the two of you eat Harry talks your ears off and you know exactly why he just keeps on talking. He wants to take your mind away from everything about Oliver and he succeeds. He tells you stories about what it’s like to live in the frat house, all the funny things they’ve done with the boys and you just keep laughing and laughing until all the food is gone, the table is cleared off and it’s nearing one in the morning. Just as you expected, people from around the campus start dropping by for their midnight bite so the two of you slowly head out, not really wanting to run into someone you know. Harry drives you back to the dormitory and walks you up to the entrance.

“Thank you for tonight,” you breathe out, still feeling a little helpless and pathetic, but he definitely made it better with his company.

“No worries. After all, this is what boyfriends are for,” he chuckles lightly. “But I hope you are not gonna sink into self-pity over that douche.”

“Just a little?” you peek up at him with a scowl.

“Nope, not even a little, Y/N. He doesn’t deserve your time. If he is really gonna let you slip through his fingers, he is the biggest idiot on Earth. And he also has to be blind.”

For some reason, Harry’s words bring a blush to your cheeks, even if there’s a chance he doesn’t really mean them.

“Thank you,” you breathe out and he pulls you in for a hug without hesitation. You wrap your arms around his waist and inhale his sweet scent, melting into his warm embrace before you force yourself to let your arms fall from around his frame.

“Have a good rest of your weekend, girlfriend,” he smirks, backing towards his car. “I’ll see you on Monday!”

“Bye Harry!” you smile in his way before making your way inside.

Not too willingly, but you talk to Oliver the next week about the double date. He sounds clearly surprised that you brought it up yourself and he tries to talk you down, but you’re now way too curious about what would go down, so he has no choice than to say yes. You fix the date to Saturday and Harry says it’s fine for him and that the two of you can go over to the frat house later, they are gonna have a small get together for one of the guys’ birthday. Not a party, more of a beer and pizza type of evening since Clyde, the birthday boy is not that big of a party animal.

The week passes by as usual, you spend some time with Sandra and a little more with Harry. Since you’ve started this whole dating thing, you’ve found yourself getting used to have him around. It doesn’t feel forced anymore, you actually like hanging out with him, have him beside you in the library even if you’re not even talking and whenever you spot him waiting for you in the morning or after one of your classes, you have this stupid smile on your face walking up to him, especially when he calls you girlfriend. Sandra’s warning words pop up in your head time to time, telling you to be careful with having actual feelings for Harry, but you keep telling yourself the two of you are nothing else than just good friends.

Saturday morning you get your nails done with Sandra, have some much needed girly time since you’ve had little of that lately, even a fake relationship needs a lot of time and energy, if you’re being honest.

Sandra catches you smiling down at a text that’s from Harry, he just joked about wearing a tux to the roller-skating rink and you imagined it right away, the picture of everyone else dressed casually while he is dressed for a royal ball is just hilarious.

“So how are things with Harry?” she asks from the chair next to you.

“What do you mean?” you ask, eyes fixed on your nails as the lady is carefully painting them a light pink color.

“You two are like glued together.”

“Yeah, I like spending time with him. And like, we are dating,” you smirk, finding it funny to just casually say it.

“You do know you don’t have to keep the act up with me, right?”

“I know, but we really are friends,” you nod.

“Just friends? Because sometimes being friends with someone is a bit more to you,” she comments and your face falls. She right away realizes it was a little harsh. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it. I didn’t mean to be a bitch. I’m just trying to look out for you. I don’t want to see another guy taking advantage of you.”

“He is already taking advantage of me in a way, but it’s mutual,” you shrug, trying to mask the fact how much her words hurt. You’re still trying to get over the whole Oliver thing and though it’s been easier with Harry around, you still feel hurt over how badly he has been using you in the past years.

“And… you don’t have feelings for him?”

“We’re friends,” you tell her again.

“Yes, but you can have feelings for a friend too, Y/N.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it. We are doing fine, I enjoy being with him, that’s all.”

“Alright, I believe you. Just want to make sure you are not getting yourself into another Oliver situation.”

“I’m not. Harry is not him,” you firmly state and it’s the truth. Even if things go south with him, you can never see him do the things Oliver did. He is not him in the best possible way.

 For the double date you choose to wear your favorite pair of light-washed mom jeans with a tank top tucked into it and a colorful cardigan under your jacket. Harry texted you that he would pick you up at six and because you are ready by half past five, you sit around in your room a little anxiously. You honestly have no idea what’s gonna happen tonight, where it’s gonna head but you can only hope it won’t be scandalous. People already talk enough about you for dating Harry, you don’t need to be known about being the girl who made a scene at the roller-skating rink with her boyfriend and best friend. It wouldn’t do good to your reputation.

When Harry finally texts you letting you know he has arrived you rush down the stairs, still haven’t been able to shake your nerves off, but as soon as you spot him standing by his car, you kind of forget about everything else. He is wearing his usual skinny jeans with a black shirt, of course, the first few buttons left undone. His hair is getting longer, curls constantly falling into his forehead, but you love it. Makes him look soft and like… like a prince.

“Hey, ready to have fun?” he smirks at you, opening the door to the passenger seat to you.

“I don’t think I will ever be ready for this kind of fun,” you admit with a soft chuckle before getting into the car.

“I’ll be right there with you, okay? We’re gonna crush them,” he grins at you driving. “And we can just leave whenever you want to.” Reaching over the console he takes your hand and squeezes it gently. The gesture sends a shiver running down your spine. It feels so good to have his support, you wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else than him.

Oliver and Lexi are already at the arcade that’s connected with the skating place when the two of you arrive. She looks ecstatic about tonight and it’s almost kind of cute, you’re convinced you’d actually be friends with her if the two of you met under different circumstances.

“Hi! Thank you so much for coming! I know it’s not really your thing, but I’m so happy we can finally hang out!” she cheers, giving you a hug. Oliver and Harry shake hands and Harry gives Lexi a short hug while you just awkwardly nod in Oliver’s direction, already feeling anxious in his presence. Harry takes your hand walking in and squeezes it gently. Peeking up at him he gifts you with a warm smile that tells you: it’s gonna be alright, I’m here with you.

Once all four of you have changed your shoes to your skates and put your belongings to the lockers you head to the rink, you and Lexi in the middle, Harry on your other side while Oliver is on Lexi’s other side.

“Y/N, Oliver has told me a lot about you. What was it like, growing up with him?” Lexi asks as the four of you roll around. You’re not the worst at roller-skating, you can move confidently, but it seems like Harry is the best out of all of you, easily moving around, as if he were on his feet.

Thinking back at your time with Oliver now at Lexi’s question, it’s quite bittersweet. Because you are starting to realize things you didn’t see back then. Like how you were always in his shadow, he was always the guy everyone liked and you were just the girl that tagged along.

“Um, not sure what you want to know about,” you chuckle awkwardly as you watch Harry throw his ball for the first time.

“Was he a womanizer? Tell me the truth! He says he barely dated a few people,” she chuckles, taking Oliver’s hand. He is pretty much avoiding to look you in the eyes as you glance over him and you really wish she didn’t ask you about it.

“He had quite a few… flings,” you say, not entirely sure how to phrase it. He wasn’t a womanizer, but he did start to hook up with you between girls a while ago, making his reputation a little questionable.

“I knew you were downplaying it!” she playfully smacks his chest and you just bite into your bottom lip. This is already so awkward.

“I think Y/N is just exaggerating,” Oliver chimes in, seemingly not a fan of the conversation either.

“Sure, it’s always me,” you mumble under your breath.

Harry takes your hand and gets a little ahead of you before turning around so he is facing you while skating backwards.

“Hey baby, want me to teach you how to go in zig-zag?” he smirks, clearly wanting to ease the tension. Nodding you let him take both of your hands as the two of you stay a little back from Oliver and Lexi. “Don’t let him get under your skin. He is a fucking asshole,” he tells you when he knows they can’t hear him.

“Was he always like this? I have no idea how I could put up with his act,” you mumble with a scowl.

“Fuck them. Come on, let’s have a good time,” he grins before taking the lead.

Harry makes your forget about them so easily, like it’s not even a double date, just the two of you hanging out. He keeps teaching you moves, laughing together whenever you get wobbly. He catches you every time when you’re about to lose your balance, he doesn’t let you fall and every time his arms circle around you, keeping you on your feet steadily, you find yourself blushing at how close he is getting to you. His hands holding yours, small touches on your arms and back, he takes every chance to connect the two of you and you enjoy every second of it.

“Harry, no!” you laugh as he holds your hand, still going around.

“Come on! Just try it! Just a little jump!” he encourages.

“Do you want to see me fall?”

“I would have let you fall a long time ago if that’s what I wanted,” he smirks. He gets ahead of you again, both his hands taking yours and you still can’t get used to how soothing his palms feel against yours. “I’ll catch you this time too, don’t worry.”

“I swear you are trying to kill me,” you groan as you try to figure out how to do a little jump without breaking a bone. “But just a little one!”

“The tiniest one,” he chuckles nodding.

You let him take the lead and he starts pulling you again, skating backwards like he did all evening and when you feel like you’re stable enough, you give it a go.

Unfortunately, what happens is exactly what you were expecting. When your skates meet with the floor again after the little jump, you don’t find your balance and immediately feel your feet rolling out from under yourself. Harry reaches out for you, just like he promised, grabbing onto your arm with one hand while the other one presses into your back, but this time he can’t save you and you pull him with yourself as well. The two of you end up falling to the ground in a laughing mess as Harry is partially lying on you, an arm stuck under you while the other one is across your chest.

“I told you!” you cry out but it turns into laughter pretty fast.

“I’m sorry, baby, are you okay?” he asks laughing and your heart skips a beat at how he called you baby again and Oliver is not even around.

“I-I’m fine,” you breathe out as he peels himself off you, helping you up with him as well. He is so close to you as you finally stand on your feet again, your noses almost brush against each other as you blink up at him nervously.

It would be so easy to kiss him. You want to know what it’s like to feel his lips against yours. Maybe if you move just a little…

“Are you trying to break a bone, Y/N?” Lexi rolls up to you, totally breaking the moment as you both turn to her. Harry leaves an arm around you, hand resting on your waist and you lean against him to steady yourself on your wheels.

“It was Harry’s idea, but I knew I would terribly fail,” you chuckle slightly. Oliver appears behind Lexi, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and you clench your jaw at the gesture. Harry must have noticed the shift in you, because he tightens his hold around you, his hand soothingly running up and down your side. And just like that, Oliver is long forgotten, you can only think about how it feels to have his fingers dancing on you.

“You were never really into athletic things, Y/N,” Oliver comments and you grimace.

“Just because I didn’t play any sports in high school, doesn’t mean I can’t try things now.”

“I think you did great,” Harry smiles down at you. “You just need a little more practice and you’ll be better than me, baby.”

Baby, there’s that pet name again. It’s doing things to you for sure.

Glancing over at Oliver you catch what looks like an eye-rolling and he genuinely looks annoyed by you and Harry and it’s making your blood boil at this point. Why can he be the only one to date someone? Why can’t you have a good time with someone? Now that you are thinking about it, he did it not only with guys, but also with anyone who tried to be friends with you. Oliver wanted him to be your only friend and sneakily ruined every friendship you ever had. Sandra is your first real friend other than Oliver, only because he couldn’t do anything against you forming any kind of relationship with your roommate. But you are now getting quite fed up with his little games and Harry might not be your real boyfriend, but you are friends with him and Oliver can do nothing about that.

Soon enough you decide you’ve had enough of the skating, so you move to the side and start changing back to your shoes. Lexi runs out to the restroom and while you are putting your sneakers back on Harry spots someone he knows, working at the buffet so he steps aside for a minute, leaving you and Oliver alone.

“Are you really dating him?” you hear him speak up and you can’t help the scowl on your face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He is just so not the type of person you hang out with,” he comments with a shrug and your eyebrows shoot up.

“First of all, how would you know? My friends were always kind of more your friends, never really had the chance to find my people. And second, what’s the problem with him?”

“The problem is that we all know what he is like. Everyone on campus knows that Harry is famous for going after a lot of girls.”

“And you believe what others say? You know nothing about him. He is not what people try to make him appear to be, but you wouldn’t know, because you don’t know him like I do. And for the record, yes, I really am dating him and I’m very happy about it.”

You can tell he doesn’t like your reaction and he is probably fighting back to snap at you, but Harry soon returns, oblivious to the scene that just went down, however he can sense the shift in the atmosphere immediately.

“Everything alright?” he asks, seemingly innocently, but you know he is asking if Oliver has done something.

“Yeah. Can we leave?” you ask, not too keen on staying with Oliver any longer. It’s getting hard to imagine how you could ever put up with him and his act.

“Are you guys leaving? We could grab a bite together!” Lexi chimes in arriving back from the restroom. You are about to decline, but Harry speaks up before you.

“Oh, we have plans already, but maybe some other time,” he politely says, a hand on your lower back as he pulls you to his side and you’re thankful for his close presence now. If he weren’t there, you would have already jumped at Oliver’s throat probably.

“Oh, okay! I’m glad we got to do this though,” she smiles warmly, taking Oliver’s hand while you just chew on the inside of your cheeks, very keen on leaving as soon as possible.

Your force a smile on your face, bidding goodbye before Harry takes your hand and the two of you head out to his car.

“Hey, everything okay?” he asks when it’s finally just the two of you. Staring down at your hands on your lap, you bite into your bottom lip.

“Just… let’s leave. I had enough of Oliver for a life today,” you mumble and luckily, Harry doesn’t try to keep asking around, just starts the car and leaves.

On the way he asks if you still want to come over to the frat house and you say yes, because you feel like you could use the distraction. You’d rather spend some more time around him than go back to your dorm room and be alone with your thoughts.

Just as he promised, it’s nothing big, just a few close friends of some of the frat boys, pizza boxes are piled in the kitchen, music is playing in the background but it’s not blasting like when it’s a party. A big group is playing UNO in the living room using two deck of cards so the rounds don’t end too soon.

You and Harry get a slice of pizza, already starving after the skating and when you’re done with that, the two of you wander into the living room. There’s no more room left on the mismatched couches so Harry plops himself down to the ground and you stop for a moment, because there’s someone sitting on both of his sides, leaving not much space for you, but he is quick to solve the problem by taking your hand and pulling you down so you sit between his legs, your back pressed against his chest.

“Oh,” you breathe out from the sudden contact, but it feels nice. You cross your legs so his legs can bridge over them with his knees bent as he looks over your shoulders to see the game unfold.

“You guys want to play?” one of the girls asks.

“There’s not enough cards for the both of them to join!” another warns.

“We’ll just play together,” Harry speaks up from behind you and in the next round you join the game.

Harry rests his chin on your shoulder as his arms come around you, holding the cards so you can see them as well. It’s the closest he has been to you, basically wrapped around you and it’s definitely doing things to you. The way his chest warms your back, how you can feel every breath he draws because his face is so close next to yours, how his arms cage you gently, you are suddenly aware of even the smallest things.

“Pick one,” he murmurs when it’s your turn to throw a card in. You’ve been so occupied with him that you have no idea what color or number you should pick so you quickly check the deck in the middle before pointing at a red card. “Throw it in,” he tells you, pushing the card up with his thumb so you can take it and put it to the top.

Sitting here, on the floor of his frat house, his arms around you feels so much better than anything you’ve experienced with Oliver and the realization hits you hard in the chest. Turning your head to the side you let yourself take a good look at his perfect side profile, his chiseled jawline, the bridge of his nose and the little wrinkle between his eyebrows as he knits them together in focus, staring down at the cards in his hands. He catches you looking, his green eyes meet yours and a soft smile spreads across his face.

“What?”

“Nothing,” you shake your head.

“Everything alright?” he quietly asks and you nod.

“Yeah,” you breathe out turning back, but you still feel his lingering gaze on you for a few more moments before he turns away too.

You keep playing as the night moves on, drinking some beer, making you relax even more, though Harry’s closeness does the job just perfectly. Even when you are not sitting on the ground anymore, he always keeps close to you. Curling an arm around your waist when you stand in the kitchen talking with others, he keeps giving your hands and hips assuring little squeezes and you can’t help but lean into his touch every time. You want him close, you want to feel his touch, you love it when your eyes meet and he always shoots you a small smile, it makes your heart flutter, like you’re a little school girl with a silly crush.

Because now you are more than sure that you’re crushing on Harry. How can you not? He has been so good to you, did more than Oliver has ever done and you’ve been friends for just a few weeks.

You leave him for just a few minutes while you use the bathroom and as you return, you catch some of the conversation he is having with one of the boys, Jake.

“Dude, can’t believe the ladies’ favorite Styles is taken,” Jake laughs and it makes you scowl as you stop at the corner, listening on them.

“Jake, I told you to stop calling me that,” Harry huffs.

“I’m just telling you the truth. Every girl on campus is after you.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with me being in a relationship.”

“I just thought that the womanizer Harry Styles wouldn’t settle again for a while.”

“Jake, I’m not a womanizer, stop this bullshit. Just because girls try to get together with me, doesn’t mean I want the same thing.”

You choose this moment to walk in, knowing well Harry must be losing his patience with Jake and his irrelevant accusations. Walking in you smile warmly at Harry, curling an arm around his waist as you lean into his side. His arm comes around your shoulders and he pulls you close. Jake eyes you with an unreadable expression before his gaze returns to Harry.

“Hope you know what you are doing, mate.”

“I surely do,” Harry firmly answers and it makes you smile, especially because you know what they’ve been talking about.

When Jake walks out you turn to face Harry, playfully poking his tummy as you glance up at him.

“Hey,” you smile up at him, your arms wrapping around his waist as his hands fall to your shoulders.

“Hey,” he chuckles. “Why are you so smiley?”

“I can’t smile?”

“Of course you can,” he smirks. “Want to go back a little more?” he asks nodding towards the living room where there are still quite a few people. You nod and let go of him, turning around you are just about to walk ahead but you didn’t see that a girl was coming inside and you bump right into her, the liquid from her cup spilling down your shirt.

“Shit!” you gasp jumping back, colliding a little with Harry’s chest and his hands immediately grab your waist in case you might lose your balance.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry!” the girl stutters, reaching for paper towels right away, but it helps nearly nothing.

“It’s fine,” you breathe out pressing your lips together.

“Come on, I’ll give you a shirt,” Harry tells you, taking your hand, walking you upstairs. The fabric of your shirt is turning cold against your skin and you really want to get rid of it.

Harry pulls out a simple black shirt for you and shows you the way to his little bathroom. Changing into his shirt you make an attempt to wash yours out, but it doesn’t do much to the sugary spill.

“Do you mind if I stay in it for the rest of the evening? I promise I’ll give it back next time we meet.”

“Sure,” Harry smiles and you catch his gaze wandering down your body, his shirt hanging loosely on your frame. “Do you still want to stay or do you want me to give you a ride back to the dorm?”

“Uh, maybe I should head home,” you nod to yourself.

“Is it okay if I take a quick shower? I feel so sweaty after the skating, just five minutes.”

“Sure, go ahead,” you nod smiling before he disappears in the bathroom.

You hear him turn the water on and walking over to his bed you lie down for a little, feeling the tiredness coming over you all at once. It’s been a long and exhausting day and listening to the soothing voice of the running water you find yourself drifting off to sleep before you could stop yourself.

When you open your eyes again the room is completely dark, but you quickly realize it’s not your dorm room; you’re still at Harry’s. Turning to the side you see him sleeping peacefully on the other side of the mattress, lying on his back. Still groggy with sleep, you realize you fell asleep while he was in the shower and he probably didn’t want to wake you so just went to bed next to you.

He looks like an angel sleeping, his green irises hidden from the world, thick lashes fanned over his cheeks, his pink lips slightly parted as his chest rises and falls peacefully. Sleeping in his bed, wearing his clothes, seeing him next to you, he is all you can think about and it brings a smile to your face.

Gently, you scoot closer to him, but still don’t touch him, however the movement makes him huff in his sleep and turning to his side his arm falls across your waist, making you gasp in surprise. You freeze, thinking that he might wake up any moment but it doesn’t happen and you’re stuck in his hold, not that you mind it. You push yourself a little closer, your nose almost touching his chest as you make yourself comfortable and closing your eyes you go back to sleep without a worry in the world.

Waking up you find yourself curled up to Harry’s side, one of his army around you while the other is holding your hand on his stomach. Blinking your eyes open you look around and take a few seconds to fully wake up. Harry feels so warm against you, but you think he might not like to find you all melted against him so you try to move away but his hold tightens around you.

“Mmm, stop movin’ around,” he mumbles sleepily.

“Sorry, I just thought that… you might feel hot,” you lie in a whisper.

“I am hot,” he smirks with his eyes still closed and his comment makes you laugh.

“And so full of yourself!” you chuckle and try to pull away once again, but he locks you to his side, not letting you break the position you are in.

“I said stop movin’! I like being warm in the morning,” he murmurs, snuggling you more to his side and you bite into your bottom lip as your smile stretches wider with each passing second.

Yeah, you definitely have a crush on Harry and you can’t even act like you don’t.

“Sorry for falling asleep in your bed,” you mumble, closing your eyes as you let your head rest on his chest.

“Y’ looked cute,” he huffs with a soft smile. “S’alright. Give me five minutes and I’ll be awake to drive you back to the dorm.”

You hum a response and just enjoy it while it lasts, not wanting to let him go anytime soon. But you have to. Slowly, the two of you get ready to leave, you want to change back to your stained shirt, but Harry tells you to just keep the shirt, he has two more of the exact same one so you walk out of the frat house wearing Harry’s shirt, holding Harry’s hand and get into Harry’s car. He is everywhere and you absolutely love it.

“So we have this game next weekend and I thought you might want to come? You don’t have to if you absolutely hate football, I just thought—“

“I would love to,” you say cutting his rambling short as he smiles with his eyes staring ahead at the road.

“Cool. Bring your roommate if you want.”

“Sure,” you smile.

Football has never been your thing, but watching Harry is, so the game turns out better than you expected. Sandra tags along and luckily, she knows a little more about the game than you do, so you can ask her questions whenever you are completely lost about the happenings. Though you don’t know much about what a good player should be like, but it’s still clear to you that Harry is one of them. He scores half the points of his team and you are guessing that’s quite fascinating.

“Am I just dreaming or does he keep looking your way?” Sandra questions after you also just caught Harry’s gaze on you a moment ago.

“So what if he is?” you ask with a shy smile, eyes glued to his running frame on the field.

“Are you guys like… really together?”

“No,” you shake your head. “We are just friends,” you add, the term tasting a little bitter on your tongue.

“But you want more.” It’s not a question, Sandra can see right through you. Glancing at her you let out a huff before turning back at the game.

“It’s hard not to,” you truthfully admit, your eyes following Harry’s every movement on the field. Looking around you see that you are probably not the only one. Half of the girls on the bleachers are staring at him and you can’t even blame them. You have to be blind and stupid at the same time not to like him and apparently, you’re neither.

They win, no surprise. The whole team goes crazy as they score their last point and it puts them in the lead in the last minute. Everyone is cheering and screaming at the boys as they are celebrating their victory, along with Harry.

Jake starts running up and down the bleachers shouting that they are throwing a victory party at the frat house so now you know what you’re gonna do for the rest of the evening. As the team makes its way back towards the locker rooms Harry runs up to you, all sweaty and grinning crazily.

“Hey, you coming for the party, right?” he asks, still breathing heavily from the game.

“Sure,” you chuckle.

“Yes! You guys want a ride?” he asks in excitement glancing at Sandra beside you.

“That would be nice,” she nods happily.

“Alright, meet me at my car in fifteen,” he breathes out and before he runs away, he leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek, then leaves in a rush, catching up with the other guys. Suddenly, it feels a lot hotter than before…

“Okay, there’s no way he is not into you too,” Sandra mumbles to you as the two of you head out to the parking lot.

“You think so?”

“Oh, I know so,” she laughs, folding her arms on her chest. “That guy is like a puppy in love around you.”

“What if it’s just his normal?”

“I don’t know, is it? You’re the one who spends every possible minute with him,” she points out and she is right. This wasn’t like this before and as far as you know, he was never like this with anyone either. The only person you saw him act similarly was Naomi when they were dating, so could this be a hint for you that he feels the same way?

You’re still chewing on it when Harry emerges from the building, carrying his huge sports bag on his shoulder, his locks still wet from the shower he must have taken, his smile is still as wide as it was after the game.

“Ladies, fancy a ride?” he asks and as he walks past you he squeezes your hand gently before rounding the car and sitting behind the wheel.

By the time you arrive to the frat house the party is already on, music blasting in the living room where not so long ago you were playing UNO, sitting in Harry’s arms, booze is piling in the kitchen and more and more people are showing up.

“Hey, can you come up with me to drop my bag off and change?” Harry asks upon walking into the house and you nod. Sandra gives you a look that says ‘man up and talk to him’ before you take Harry’s hand and the two of you head upstairs.

“Be honest, did you bore yourself to death at the game?” Harry asks when you’re in the safety of his room.

“It wasn’t that bad, though I definitely need to learn more about the rules,” you chuckle admitting as you sit on the edge of his bed while he moves around, putting away his stuff. You watch him with a fluttering heart as you think about your conversation with Sandra. Even if she is right, how do you bring it up? You can’t just simply drop that you would like to turn your fake relationship into something real, you are not ballsy enough for that anyway.

“I’ll change quickly and we can head out,” he smiles, grabbing his usual skinny jeans and a white shirt from his dresser before disappearing in his bathroom.

While he is in there, you try to build your courage up to have the talk with him. Now seems like a good time, you’re alone in his room, no audience in case he rejects you painfully so no one would witness your breakdown. Chewing on the inside of your cheeks you stand up and start pacing the floor, stopping when the door opens and he walks out, smiling at you warmly as he fixes the dog tag around his neck.

“Everything alright?” he asks, tilting his head to the side.

“I, uhh… I wanted to talk about something,” you start shyly, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.

“Okay, go for it,” he nods walking closer.

“I just, I’M not sure how to bring this up, and I hope it won’t sound weird. But I’ve been thinking about, um—I thought about this, what we’ve been doing and I realized that I—“

Your rambling speech gets interrupted when Jake bursts into the room without even a knock or warning word.

“Dude, come down! We need you on our beerpong team!” he urges Harry who gives him an annoyed look.

“Jake, don’t just fucking barge into my room without knocking!” Harry snaps at him.

“Like I haven’t seen your dick before,” Jake snorts and you feel the heat crawling up your neck at even just the thought of Harry naked.

“I don’t fucking care, knock!”

“Okay!” Jake growls rolling his eyes. “But you gotta come down now!”

Harry looks back at you, knowing well you two were in the middle of a conversation, but Jake’s arrival threw you off completely.

“Go, we can… talk later, it’s not that important,” you smile at him weakly.

“Are you sure?” he asks, his hand taking yours.

“Yeah, totally. Just go and celebrate your win,” you chuckle and with that, the moment is already gone.

You return to the party and while Harry gets sucked into an epic beerpong game, you join Sandra in the living room, who eyes you with a curious look, but you just shake your head.

“Don’t even ask,” you mumble and grabbing her drink from her hand you take a big swig from it, hoping the alcohol might help you with your anxious thoughts.

An hour later you feel the buzz, but you’re not at all drunk, just a little… braver than usually. You’ve moved to the kitchen with Sandra and a few girls, you’re sitting on the counter, nursing another drink as you listen to one of the girls rage about her asshole ex. Glancing out of the kitchen your eyes find Harry standing in the living room and for your surprise he was already watching you. You catch his smile, his focus completely on you when the guys are talking to him in his little circle, but he doesn’t seem to care. His gaze brings the heat back into your body, he can make you go nuts with just a look and you want to hate him for that, but you can’t. There’s nothing you hate about this guy.

“Stop eyefucking your man and just… fuck him for real” Sandra chuckles leaning closer to you, so only you can hear her words.

“Sandra!” you gasp, smacking her in the boob knowing well she hates it when you do that. She just cackles, returning to the discussion with the girls.

Soon enough, you see Harry moving towards your little group, creeping his way into the kitchen, stopping right beside you, leaning on one arm, his hand placed dangerously close to your thigh on the counter.

“Hi,” he smiles with his rosy cheeks, he surely has drunk some as well, but he doesn’t seem drunk either.

“Hi,” you breathe out, feeling flustered by his closeness again, a smile stretching across your face as he keeps eyeing you grinning. “What?”

“Have I told you how cute your smile is?” he asks and now you’re sure you’ve turned into a tomato.

“No,” you mumble shyly and almost gasp when his hand moves from the counter to your thighs as if it was the most natural thing, but it sends a shiver down your spine.

“Well, it is cute,” he chuckles, before turning his attention at the conversation in the little circle, but his hand remains still on your thigh.

From there, the situation escalates pretty easily. All it takes him to get between your thighs is to reach for one of the drinks on the counter next to you, his hand still resting on your thigh, and as he is done with the drink, he places it to the counter, his other hand coming to your other thigh, now standing facing you between your legs. Before you could say anything, he pulls on you a little, so you press up against him, your hands instantly coming to grab onto his shoulders to steady yourself in the movement.

“Hi again,” he smirks with glistening eyes.

“You didn’t go anywhere,” you chuckle quietly, your fingers dancing up to the back of his neck, playing with his curls.

“I know, but it made you smile and that’s what I wanted,” he smirks, so proud of himself. He licks his lips and you catch his gaze wandering down to yours, instantly making you nervous as you think back at the failed conversation you had with him not so long ago. This feels like a moment that could head into a direction you are dying for, but without the talk, you’re not sure if you should take the risky step.

Good thing that Harry is not shying out of it. Pressing forward his forehead meets yours, noses muzzling together as his lips linger so close to yours. You suck on your breath, arms curling around his neck as you wait for him to move the last millimeters between the two of you, and seeing that you are not pulling back, Harry makes the final move.

His lips move perfectly against yours, so warm and welcoming, soft and intoxicating, kissing him feels like a gift from above. He is taking his time with you, tasting and savoring you and you’re definitely not complaining. You could spend the rest of your life kissing him and you’d be fine with it.

One of his hands stays on your thigh, keeping a firm grip on it while the other one moves up to cup your cheek as you angle your head to reach him perfectly. He licks into your mouth without warning and you almost let out a moan at the sensation, but you’re just too busy returning his kisses.

You have absolutely no idea how long you stay like that, kissing and touching each other, but when he pulls back, you can’t help the stupid grin on your love drunk face. Harry’s expression kind of mirrors yours as he pecks your swollen lips once more before getting back to his previous position, his hand never leaving your thigh and you hug his strong, tattooed arm, needing to touch him in any kind of way as the two of you reenter the discussion that never stopped. Sandra gives you a wide-eyed stare and you just bite into your bottom lip, turning into a giggly teenage girl all of a sudden.

For just a few minutes you are absolutely convinced the kiss was real, but that’s all you got. As you look into the living room you catch Naomi’s burning stare and it tells you right away she witnessed the whole scene and to make it even worse, Oliver was standing not too far, glaring at you firmly and they make you think.

What if Harry saw them near and kissed you just to mess with them? What if it was all just part of the act? You should have pressed more earlier and have that damned talk with him, how are you supposed to ask now if he meant it or not?!

The more you think about it, the more painful it becomes and the little evil voice in your head convinces you that he didn’t mean it. It’s not like you want to believe it, but you can’t ignore the possibility that slowly grows into reality in your clouded mind.

You lose both Harry and Sandra at one point after going to the bathroom and though you know they are somewhere around, you feel like you can’t stay any longer at the party. Before anyone could stop you, you sneak out of the house and head back to the dorm, hoping that a good night sleep would get your head straight.

Harry tries to call you, but you ignore them all, heading straight to bed when you arrive. You feel guilty for leaving without a word but there’s just too much going on in your head, you need time to process and figure out what to do.

You’re still up when Sandra arrives back but you pretend to be asleep, not feeling like dealing with her investigating questions about the kiss and why you left so suddenly. It takes over an hour for you to finally fall asleep and escape your buzzing thoughts.

Waking up you see no sign of Sandra and you remember she mentioned that her brother is visiting town so they might spend the day together. Amazing opportunity to bury yourself into your deep loneliness and try to figure out what to do.

Harry has been nonstop texting you, asking if you even made it back to the dorm safely and you just shoot him one message to let him know you’re still alive and then ignore him again. Thinking back at the kiss last night your heart flutters every time, you can still feel the touch of his lips, the way his hand cupped your cheeks, it’s driving you crazy. But then you remember seeing Naomi’s and Oliver’s face and you’re convinced Harry saw them too and you always get to the same conclusion: the kiss was just part of the act.

You barely leave the bed the whole day, lying under your covers and watching Netflix until your mind feels numb enough to stop torturing you with your thoughts. And then, there’s a knock on the door. You freeze, knowing well that whoever is on the other side, you don’t want to see them.

“Y/N, I know you’re in there, I heard you watching The Vampire Diaries,” Oliver’s voice calls out from outside and you let out a shaky breath.

Dragging yourself out of the bed you open the door and stare back at him with a blank expression.

“What do you want?” you simply question.

“I broke up with Lexi,” he answers and your eyebrows shoot up. Without asking for permission he pushes his way into the room, stopping in the middle with his hands on his hips. “Last night, I broke up with her.”

“I uhh—I’m sorry, I guess, but why? She was so sweet.”

“I miss you, Y/N,” he blurts out and your shock just raises. Did he just admit to breaking up with his girlfriend because of you?!

“What?”

“Lexi is a nice girl, but I miss you, I miss what we had.”

“And what is that supposed to be?” you ask with a bitter chuckle as you fold your arms on your chest. “You miss fucking me whenever it’s convenient for you? Because I certainly don’t miss that.”

“We both know it was more than that, Y/N,” he smiles warmly, but it makes your stomach churn. Nothing about that smile is friendly or nice, he is trying to manipulate you like so many times before, but it’s not working now. He lost his power over you.

“It wasn’t. You were using me, Oliver.”

“That’s not what it was. We were having fun!”

“I wasn’t! I had feelings for you and you used them for your benefit!” you snap at him, not in the mood to play by his rules any longer. You’ll not let him bring you down again. “A friend doesn’t do that.”

“You could have spoken up against it, but I didn’t hear you complaining,” he retorts and it feels like a slap across your face. “I know you miss it too, Y/N. You don’t have to act like you are into Harry, I can see through you.”

“Oh really?” you snort, finding his words rather comedic. He knows or sees absolutely nothing and he just proved it. “Tell me then what you see!”

“I see that you’ve been trying to make me jealous and I’m gonna give it to you, it was successful.”

“Amazing, only problem is that I never wanted to make you jealous. My feelings for Harry are more real than the ones I had for you and I would really like it if you just left right now.”

Grabbing the doorknob you hold it open for him, wanting nothing more than to get rid of him for once and for all. You’ve had enough of his toxic, manipulating ass for a lifetime.

“Are you really kicking me out and just gonna choose him over me?” he huffs in disbelief and you can tell you’ve hurt his ego pretty badly.

“I’m choosing myself and doing what’s best for me. Now leave,” you demand and he finally moves. Walking past you he stops and looks down at you one more time.

“You’re a fucking waste of time,” he sneers before walking out and you need every ounce of power in you not to go after him and punch him in his arrogant face. How could you ever consider him even a friend, let along sleep with him?! He is the most disgusting and degrading asshole you’ve ever seen and you’ll work on forgetting about his whole existence for the rest of your life.

You shut the door behind him and leaning your back against it you slide down to the floor, feeling your chest tightening at the intensity of what just happened. You lost the person you loved the most just weeks ago and realized that he was never who you thought him to be.

You feel like crying for a little, but the tears never come. Instead, a soft sense of relief washes over you, like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, finally setting you free. One less thing to worry about.

As you push yourself up from the floor you hear fractions of a heated conversation outside and when you recognize both voices, your heart stops beating for a moment. Opening the door you hear the conversation between Oliver and Harry now fully clear.

“Stop fucking acting like you are the center of her world, Styles. She has no fucking idea what she wants,” Oliver snaps at Harry, clearly upset about something he said earlier.

“No one thinks that but you! Stop harassing her like a fucking psycho!” Harry fights back and your lips part at how he stands up for you.

“You’re the one harassing her! Don’t think for a moment you have a chance with her, she wants me, not you! You’ll never get into her pants like I did—“

Just when you’re about to barge out of the room to end whatever parade they are having, Oliver’s groan fills the hallway and as you step out, you see him fall to the ground after Harry’s has punched him right in the face.

“What the fuck?!” you snap in shock and they both turn to look at you in the middle of their fight.

“Your fucking boyfriend punched me for no reason!” Oliver spats, pushing himself up, holding a hand to his jaw that’s already turning red.

“Stop making yourself the victim, Oliver, no one buys it!” you groan at him as you step to Harry. He seems ashamed, even scared of your reaction about the fact that he just punched Oliver, but you are not gonna blame him. He did God’s work in this case.

“I can’t fucking believe you’re still taking his side!” Oliver snaps angrily. “You know what? You two deserve each other.”

“Shut up and leave!” you shout at him before grabbing Harry’s wrist and pulling him towards your room.

You hear Oliver mumbling something under his breath, but you couldn’t care less, shutting the door at him once again, this time with Harry in the room with you.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I just fucking lost my temper and—“ You wave him off, taking his hand in yours softly, taking a look at his knuckles.

“It’s fine,” you smile at him. “Does it hurt?” you ask, gently running your thumb over his reddened knuckles.

“No, it’s alright,” he murmurs, standing so close to you again. His green eyes search yours as his other hand reaches under your chin to lift your head. “You have been ignoring me since last night.”

“I just… had a lot of stuff to do,” you awkwardly answer clearing your throat.

“You sure it’s not because of what happened between us?”

“What? Of course not!” you huff. “I get it, you were just trying to make it convincing because Naomi and Oliver were both watching a-and so you just—“

“What?” Harry asks tilting his head to the side.

“I mean, that’s why you did it, right? I saw them after we—uhh after we you know, kissed.”

“Okay, I didn’t see them and that’s not why I did it,” he admits with a nervous chuckle as he rubs the back of his neck. “I thought we were on the same page, but apparently not. Y/N, nothing I did recently was because of Naomi or Oliver. If I’m being honest it hasn’t been about them for a while. I really like you and I know I should have talked to you first about it, because now it was all kind of confusing, but I wasn’t faking it. I meant everything I said and did.”

You stare back at him in awe, heart pounding against your chest as his words sink in. He wasn’t acting, the kiss was real and you’ve been acting like a lunatic since last night, completely ignoring him instead of just talking to him, you are such a dumbass!

“Really?” you breathe out, barely more than just a whisper.

“Yeah,” he chuckles softly. “And I kinda thought you feel the same way, but then I came here and ran into Oliver who told me you two just had a chat about… possibilities between you and him?”

The hurt is clear in his eyes and your hatred towards Oliver is not on maximum level. You can’t believe he tried to ruin it all one last time even after you told him you want nothing to do with him.

“That’s not what we talked about,” you shake your head. “He came here, told me he broke up with Lexi and that he misses me, but I told him that’s too bad because I don’t miss him and his stupid little games anymore.”

“Oh!”

“And he tried to convince me to choose him over you, but I already chose you, so he had no chance,” you add, a wide smile spreading across your face as you see him realize what you just said.

“What, does this mean…?” he questions with sparkling eyes as he starts inching closer to you.

“Last night, when Jake barged into your room, this is what I wanted to talk to you about. That I’m not really faking anything anymore, but we were rudely interrupted and then… you kissed me and I thought things were finally going right, but then I somehow convinced myself that it was just because you saw Naomi and Oliver around and tried to upset them.”

“Fuck them!” Harry laughs, his hands finally reaching to grab you by your waist as he pulls you against him. “I don’t care about them anymore. I just want to be with you, no faking, no acting, just… you and me.”

“That sounds… perfect,” you admit with a tired smile before he finally leans down and presses his lips against yours.

“I have a warning for you, Y/N,” he mumbles between kisses, his lips moving against yours.

“Yeah? What’s that?” you hum, melting into him.

“I will not stop kissing you. It’s my new favorite thing,” he giggles, hands pulling you even tighter to him.

“Oh, how upsetting!” you chuckle without a care in the world before the two of you fall to your bed, a mess of kisses and giggles, but not an ounce of faking.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[earlgreydream]

war.

| 1940s!bucky x reader | angst |

warnings: mentions of blood, violence, war, etc... general angst 

Your feet smacked the pavement as you ran. Your muscles felt like they were burning in fire, but you kept going, terrified. Bombs crashed all around you, buildings crumbled, and the ground shook as if it were going to open up and swallow you. You almost wished it would. 

Gunshots popped and bullets whizzed past your ears. You made it to a rocky staircase, and you tried to run down when you tripped. You tumbled down the stone stairs, smacking against the ground, blood rising to the surface of your hands and knees. You swore, and before you could stand up again, the soldiers surrounded you. 

You screamed as your ankles were grabbed, and you were flipped onto your back. 

“Stop! it’s a woman!” A soldier called as your cloak was ripped from your body. You were hyperventilating, panic seizing you as you stared up at the American soldiers. The dagger sheathed in your belt was confiscated, and the men stared down at you. 

“Please!” you begged for mercy, your accent thickening in your desperation. 

“Sergeant Barnes?” The soldiers looked to their leader, the man who had yelled for them to stop attacking you. 

“We are not going to kill her!” He sounded angry.

“What if she’s a spy?”

“I’m not, I swear. My home was bombed, I was running in fear!” You cried, pleading with him for mercy. 

“We cannot leave her in the streets-”

“Of course not.” The Sergeant spoke to his soldier, wearing a uniform different than the others. You winced at a sharp pain in your side, and you looked down to see blood soaking through your dress. You began to feel lightheaded, but you were terrified to black out and be left at the mercy of the likely sex-deprived soldiers that were invading your country.

Your eyes grew heavy and you moaned in pain, gripping the wound on your side from hitting a rock in your fall down the stairs. 

“We need to get her to the medbay, come on!” 

The words echoed in your head as you were lifted by the leader, carried in his arms. You wanted to struggle and try to make a run for it, but you were far too weak and you had nowhere to go. 

“You’re safe, doll, I’m going to protect you.”

Your head dropped as you slipped into unconsciousness, limp in his arms.

Bucky stood over your unconscious body as the best medic treated your wounds. She wrapped your hands and stitched the gash on your side, and Bucky winced as he watched. 

“Will she be alright?” he asked the medic anxiously.

“Yes, she’ll be fine. I think she’s asleep from the shock.” The medic nodded, and he breathed a sigh of relief. 

She wrapped the wound on your side and left Bucky with some morphine to give you when you needed it, instructing him to monitor you. 

“Do you think she’s a spy, or a soldier?”

“No, there’s nothing that would suggest that. I think she really was just a victim-- collateral damage.” 

Bucky was alone with you, then. He sat beside his bed that you were currently sleeping on, in his private chambers, away from the men who wouldn’t be able to keep their hands to themselves with a pretty young girl unconscious. 

Your eyes opened slowly, and you looked around, disoriented. You tried to sit up, but weakly sank back against the pillows. You noticed him sitting beside you, and you looked down. You were now wearing loose pants, and an oversized t shirt-- an army green, from a soldier. 

“Did you-?!” You cried in horror. 

“No, no. The medic cleaned your wounds and changed you. She said you’re going to be fine!” Bucky assured you quickly, and you relaxed a bit. 

“Are you going to kill me? Or keep me as a prisoner of war?” You asked, turning your head to look at him. 

“No. You’re not a captive, or a war criminal.” He shook his head. He handed you a glass of water, and a piece of buttered bread and some blackberries. You accepted them with a quiet thanks, and he sat back, giving you space.

“What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

A small smile pulled at his lips, and you gazed down at your lap.

“I’m James Buchanan Barnes.” 

You spent two weeks recovering in his quarters, while he slept on a cot, guarding you and making sure you slept and had plenty to eat and drink. He’d opened up to you in that time, telling you about growing up in Brooklyn, New York. He had been drafted into the war, not really wanting to go overseas and kill people, and hurt innocents in the process-- innocents like you. Bucky was consumed with guilt, and was growing fond of you. 

He wished that he could just leave, go back to America and take you with him.  He had learned that you weren’t any kind of enemy like others suspected. You were orphaned by the war, by your own people. Almost everyone you knew and loved had been lost in the bloodbath, and now you were alone, struggling for survival in what felt like an apocalypse. 

Bucky convinced you to get some fresh air, and go outside. You’d stayed hidden under his protection, feeling safer with him than you had in years, since the war started. 

“James...” 

“It will be fine.” 

You took a walk with him, holding his hand as you walked through the soft grass. You giggled as he picked a daisy, handing it to you with a smile. 

“Are you trying to impress me?” You asked, blushing as you looked into sweet grey eyes.

“Is it working?” He grinned boyishly at you, and you saw a glimpse of the real James, not the soldier. He leaned down and kissed you, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. 

“I love you, Y/N” He smiled at the bright spot in the misery, the girl he began to wake up for. His gaze was filled with adoration as he looked at you, a rescue from the streets of a war-torn village.

“You’re not bringing that nazi bitch with us!” A soldier shouted, and Bucky was at his throat immediately. 

“Don’t ever speak about her that way!” Bucky yelled, pinning him to the wall by the throat, a gun pressed against his chest. 

“Stop!” You cried, trying to pull Bucky off, not wanting him to murder the soldier in front of you, and all his troops. 

“Sergeant Barnes, you cannot seriously think of bringing Y/N to the Danish border with us.” Steve, Bucky’s loyal friend asked, giving you a pathetic look.

“Shut up, of course she’s coming with us!” Bucky wrapped an arm around you, trying to calm your shaking.

“Sergeant, she’s a nazi.”

“She’s NOT!” Bucky fired off a shot, and you winced against him. The bullet sank into the wall, but you were sobbing with fear, memories of being shot at flooding your mind and taking over your ability to think. 

“Ever since she came, you’re not the leader you were. You’re not thinking clearly!” Steve argued with him as if you weren’t there. 

You already knew what everybody thought of you. There was no hiding it. To the Americans, you were just a nazi whore that Bucky kept around for sex, and nothing more. They didn’t know the way he kissed you, the way your eyes sparkled with joy at even the slightest bit of attention from him. When you had nightmares, Bucky read to you from one of his books, or sang a song softly from Ella Fitzgerald. 

There was no one else. Every day, every night, all Bucky could think about was you. Leaving the war, taking you back to America, and building a life with you. He thought of a brownstone in Brooklyn, buying you dresses and making a family with you. He wanted to spin you around and dance with you to records in your living room, and take you on dates to a drive-in-movie. He wanted you to be the last thing he saw at night and the first thing in the morning. He was in love with you. And you were in love with him.

But you couldn’t escape the slurs and hate of his colleagues, and dearest friends. You knew it would be nothing like what you would receive in Brooklyn, your accent and broken English giving you away. It would make Bucky an outcast too-- a former soldier who left the war for an enemy girl. He would be a disgrace. 

You knew you could receive asylum in Denmark, a country not plagued by the war like elsewhere. You’d be a refugee, but you could join their society safely, and build a real life there. You traveled with the soldiers, transported there safely. 

You laid in bed with Bucky, kissing him sweetly. He ran his fingers through your hair, your head on his chest. He talked about New York pizza, and you smiled, tracing shapes on his skin with your fingertips. His voice sounded so happy when he talked about a future with you, you felt like your heart was going to shatter. 

“I love you, James.” 

“I love you more than the stars, Y/N.”

You pretended to sleep, but fear and nausea kept you up all night. You didn’t stir as Bucky got up for an early meeting with an officer at the American Embassy in Denmark. 

As soon as he was gone, you were on your feet. You got dressed silently, slipping money and a knife into your clothes and pulling a coat on over it. Tears blinded you and made it more difficult, as well as struggling to be quiet in the dark so you didn’t catch the attention of Bucky’s soldiers. 

The sun had barely peaked above the horizon, the sky still mostly dark, and the world asleep. You broke into a run, escaping out the window in the back. You ran from the base, getting as far away as you could. Your heart shattered into a million tiny pieces, pain shooting through your chest. 

Nightfall, you made it to a home for female refugees, women left alone by the war. You were dirty and exhausted, and barely able to breathe. You had sobbed the entire day as you traveled, making it nearly to Århus. 

“Welcome. You’re safe now.” A danish woman said, embracing you as you were taken inside the safehouse. You broke down in her arms, screams of heartache ripping through your chest.

“Y/N! I’m home, doll!” Bucky called, opening the door. His brow furrowed in confusion upon finding an empty room. He went to the bathroom, checking to see if you were in the shower. He couldn’t find you, and he walked through the halls. 

“Has anyone seen Y/N?” He asked every soldier desperately, all of them shaking their heads. 

He went back to his room, finding a note written inside of the book cover on his bedside, left open. 

I love you. more than the stars. I hope you understand.

He screamed your name, dropping down to his knees, his head falling into his hands as he rocked back and forth. Steve ran in, dropping down and wrapping his arms around Bucky as he fell apart. Sobs wracked his body, his dreams falling apart, his lover slipping through his fingers. He had just gotten news that he could be honorably discharged in three months, to start a family with you. He came home to tell you that you just had to stick it out a little longer. The flowers he brought were discarded and littered amongst the floorboards. 

[warriorsbutnotreally]

Pinestar Took His Daughters With Him AU

So to get this to work, I had to change the timeline slightly since I believe Night and Mist died before Pinestar left

but other than that, nothing changes in ThunderClan

and it's no bother at all!

granted some stories don't make it because I either cannot connect with the idea or it's something I personally don't like [and therefore it circles back to the 'struggling to come up with an idea']

so not everything makes it, but I do try my best ^^

.

Pinestar feels helpless as he watches his kits become sicker and sicker

StarClan tells him he has to be the one to kill Tigerkit but he refuses and it gives him an inkling of hope that at least his son will survive

With that thought in mind, he looks to his daughters and his worry grows

Going to the twolegplace that night to talk to the kittypets, they tell him about vets - or cutters as he knows them. He frets, but they assure that the vets do more than just stop cats from having kits, that they save lives

At that thought, Pinestar heads back while everyone is still asleep and goes to visit the nursery

Nightkit and Mistkit are looking worse than ever

His heart aching at the idea of losing them - while everyone is asleep, he grabs his weak, tired daughters and flees towards the twolegplace

Before he can get there, he is stopped by Sunfall

Sunfall asks what's going on and he pleads for Sunfall not to tell anyone anything

He doesn't want to watch his kits slowly die

The tom tries to assure them that they'll get better but Pinestar wants to be sure of that

He wants Nightkit and Mistkit to live long, happy lives

Sunfall tries more to convince him, but this ends in failure

In the end, he watches as Pinestar leaps over a fence, still carrying the two kits who were too weak to even protest

Pinestar scrambles to the twolegs that night, sitting outside one of the doors Jake believes would contain twolegs that could help

That morning the twolegs find him curled around the kits, who are still sick

They're confused when they learn Pinestar is a tom, but he doesn't care about how strange it looks on him. He wants them to help.

Without them understanding him, they still end up taking the three to get help and Pinestar is relieved as the twolegs save the lives of his daughters

The three are adopted together

Moons later and both Nightkit - now Midnight - and Mistkit - now Stella are adults

Neither of them fully remember being forest cats and their father, Pine, never told them anything about it before he passed away, but they find themselves both thinking of the forest a lot

They became somewhat infamous in the area for checking out the forest and sneaking around in the trees

And they both have a fan - a ginger tom kit named Rusty

Where old man Henry only spoke of horrors, Midnight and Stella would talk about all the strange cats and the wonderful sights of the woods

One day Midnight manages to convince Rusty to come with them, much to the protest of Smudge, who ends up not tagging along

Stella, who was sick that day, stays inside

The two encounter a patrol and, at first, things are hostile, up until Bluestar carefully looks at the two

She sees something familiar in Midnight's face but she doesn't speak out about it

Instead she invites them to ThunderClan

Midnight is cautious and Rusty is excited

He loves the idea of living in a Clan

Bluestar suggests they think about it and gives them time

The two return home and the two talk with Smudge and Stella

Smudge is shocked and appalled, telling the two not to go

Stella wants them to go

Midnight becomes confused because it sounds like Stella isn't coming with her

She confirms this

She wants one of them to stay with the twolegs a little longer, that Pine's death was recent and she doesn't want them to be sad

But she still wants at least one of them to go

She assures she'll join when she can

After a long talk, the choice is made

Midnight and Rusty will be joining ThunderClan

The next day the two head out and encounter one of the cats from the patrol - Whitestorm

Things go the same and the two are taken to camp and Midnight is struck with a whirlwind of emotions.

Whitestorm tries to show her around, but when she starts naming what locations are where, he becomes aware that she knows something

She finds herself staring at the nursery, paws aching

She remembers this place

Whitestorm is asked to delay Bluestar as Midnight goes to the nursery and meets the queens.

Speckletail is staring at her, wide-eyed

Midnight knows this place

She asks if there was ever a cat named Leopard here

They confirm Leopardfoot and it sends chills down Midnight's spine

Speckletail gets up and looks her over

"Is that really you, Nightkit?"

Faint, blurred memories pour through her and she realizes this was once her home

She's Nightkit

the news spreads so quickly that Bluestar hears it as Whitestorm had started trying to distract her

ThunderClan is so happy to have one of the missing cats return and Rusty is awkwardly hanging out with Graypaw

She also confirms her sister is alive, being reminded how Stella was once named Mistkit.

Bluestar finally gets everyone's attention and starts the gathering

Rusty is named Firepaw and Midnight is given the name Nightstep Firepaw for his pelt and Nightstep for making her way back home

Nightstep accepts her name with pride

The announcement of Redtail's death and Nightstep and Tigerclaw encounter each other

She recalls him right away as in her heart she had been sure she had a brother long before she came to the Clan

Tigerclaw is confused until they're formally introduced

At first, he isn't sure how to react

This is is sister.. The one Pinestar had stolen away.

And that his other sister is still alive, too

Right away the two start bonding and Nightstep is so happy to learn that she's had a family here, waiting for her

Nightstep spends a lot of her time learning Clan life and getting to know her long lost brother.

However, when she responds what happened to her, Tigerclaw seems a bit off put that she had been a kittypet for so long

She assures that it wasn't her choice

Still, he doesn't like the topic

Forming a bond with her brother and his friends, Nightstep finds herself feeling so at home here and it brings her comfort

Though she doesn't invite Tigerclaw, she still visits Stella and tells her everything

Stella happily listens

One day, Tigerclaw approaches her - some time while he's deputy - and asks where she wanders off to

She finally takes him to Stella

He never calls her Stella, referring to her as Mistkit the entire time and he seems annoyed that she's not ready to join the Clan

After he leaves, Stella admits she doesn't like their brother as much as she had hoped

Nightstep assures he's just being weird, but her own doubts start to form

When she learns Tigerclaw was a traitor, she's torn

On one paw, he's family

On the other, he hurt so many cats

In the end, she chooses to go with him, shocking ThunderClan

She's the only one who goes

She roams with Tigerclaw and he interrogates her on why

Nightstep admits that, despite what he's done, he's family

Tigerclaw likes that answer

Unfortunately, she's not sure she just told the truth, as more a part of her wants to try to stop him from hurting anyone else

Tigerclaw becomes ShadowClan's leader, Tigerstar, and Nightstep is given an apprentice, Rownpaw, and made deputy in the same breath

ShadowClan is a little skeptical, but they've proven themselves loyal, so they come around to Nightstep as their deputy

Through this time, she and Russetfur begin to bond. The two relate to being former kittypets and choosing Clan life

The two also joke about how much a stick in the mud Tigerstar can be, though only when the two are alone

Nightstep struggles so hard to get Tigerstar to see the error of his way, but in the end it turns from ignored advice to almost physical fights between the siblings

When Tigerstar brings in Sasha, she's very surprised to meet the molly and does offer her friendship The two get along somewhat well

Of course, she never ends up seeing her again and realizes Sasha likely wasn't ready for Clan life

She doesn't blame her..

Through Russetfur she learns of the dog plan and she realizes she can't let anyone get hurt

As she reaches ThunderClan, she hears the sound of fighting and her heart aches, worried that she's too late

When she reaches the sound, she finds two apprentices fighting for their lives against a pack of dogs

Letting out a feral yowl that echoes over the sound of fighting, she distracts the dogs for just a moment

Long enough for Nightstep to launch herself at the largest dog and go for its face

As she does, she tells the two apprentices to run

She treats this like her almost fight to the death with Blackfoot, remembering how close she came to death then

Prepared to die, she fights, kicks, and slashes until she's sure the apprentices are safe before trying to flee herself

She doesn't get far before pain runs through her body

One of the dogs bit her tail

Determined to get away, she keeps struggling, keeps fighting until she hears a pop and pain seers through her as she runs

Collapsing into a hole in ThunderClan territory, she quickly discovered that she had lost her tail completely and she begins to feel sick to her stomach

Not long after, she's found by a ThunderClan patrol, half awake and clearly unwell

She's taken back to the camp and Fireheart is relieved to see her

Nightstep gives him the warning before passing out

When she wakes up, she finds herself in ThunderClan's medicine cat den with the two apprentices from before

She learns their names are Swiftpaw and Brightpaw.

When Bluestar tries to rename them, Nightstep lashes out and defends the badly injured apprentices, not letting her ruin their lives with reminders of their scars

She keeps herself close to the two after that

It's not long after her 'talk' with Bluestar that she learns the ThunderClan leader is going to have her sent back to ShadowClan

While waiting for the okay to be sent back home, Nightstep spends all her time helping Cinderpelt and part of her wonders what would've happened if she chose the life of a medicine cat when she had joined

She pushes these thoughts away

She knows she likes the life of a warrior and that these thoughts are coming from a place of fear

Finally she's sent back and Tigerstar isn't pleased with her

He believes her losing her tail is enough punishment, though he also ends up making her duties harder

This becomes stressful for Nightstep and she begins wondering about a coup

Him trying to manipulate RiverClan and hurt halfClan cats is the last straw and when he tries to have Stonefur kill the apprentices or be killed, Nightstep stands in his way

She says she'll fight in Stonefur's place for his honor

To which Tigerstar remarks she doubts he has any

Nightstep doesn't budge and Tigerstar becomes actually downright pissed that she's doing this

"Fine" he states coldly before sending Darkstripe to attack

Nightstep manages to overpower the tom and kill him

This only makes Tigerstar angrier

He sends Blackfoot and the two fight At this point she's the only one to notice that Fireheart, Ravenpaw, and Graystripe have rescued the halfClan cats

Right before Blackfoot kills Nightstep, he's stopped by Tigerstar, who states that he's removing his sister from deputy and replaces her with Blackfoot. He's also noticed the missing cats by now.

Nightstep doesn't care

Following up, he adds that she's going to be ShadowClan's prisoner until he knows what to do with her

She's dragged back to ShadowClan and placed in containment.

Nightstep is tense, as she's sure this is the end

No one is allowed to talk to her or be in the den where she's being contained

She's at least thankful that she managed to help as many cats as she could, since she was unable to get through to her brother.

She also knows that, if this is the end, she's not going to go down easily

That night she's informed by Tigerstar that she has a trial tomorrow

He states coldly that he wishes it hadn't come down to this

And that'll be a shame to lose his sister so soon after he got to know her for only a few moons

This confirms her fears

Unable to sleep, she steels herself for what will happen

However, before dawn, she's approached by Russetfur, Littlecloud, and Boulder. The three are helping her escape.

The only catch is that she needs to make it believable, so she needs to scratch them up a bit

Littlecloud assures that, thanks to Runningnose, he knows how to take care of the wounds

She obeys and after the mock fight, she flees towards ThunderClan

There she encounters Firestar and a patrol

They take her in, having been informed of what's going on by Littlecloud, who had told Cinderpelt to gather cats together

When she gets to camp she finds Stella there, who wanted to be there to support Nightstep

She's even approached by Stonefur and Mistyfoot, who thank her for everything she's done to help

Preparing for the inevitable fight, Nightstep begins to push herself, training as hard as she can

She earns help from Stonefur and the two become close, though both are cautious of how they feel about each other

At the meeting with Tigerstar, she faces her brother without fear, standing with Firestar and Whitestorm

Fear flickers in her chest when BloodClan arrives and she's worried that her brother truly is going to destroy the forest

Of course, Tigerstar dies

Shock runs through her, but she finds she cannot bring herself to truly mourn for him

After everything, despite being her kin.. She cannot forgive him, even if part of her already misses him.

With the threat of BloodClan there, the Clans prepare for a fight

Mistyfoot and Stonefur are invited back to RiverClan with their apprentices and there's some hesitation from Stonefur

He does eventually agree to go and Nightstep finds herself a little saddened to see him leave

She later goes to meet up with him and the two have a long talk about where loyalties are and how things don't make sense anymore

It ends with them admitting to each other they like spending time together, but her heart doesn't belong in the water like his does

They spend one night together, chatting and acting like all is fine in order to escape the looming fight ahead

The battle with BloodClan happens and Nightstep is there Stonefur ends up risking his life to save her from a surprise attack from a BloodClan cat who was going to strike her from behind

Nightstep is saddened by the loss and she feels like she's to blame, though Stormpaw and Mistyfoot do not agree

A moon later and a half, after the fight, and Nightstep is aware she's expecting kits Firestar and Sandstorm had left for an important mission, but thanks to Stella, she finds where they went

The two go together and they find Firestar rebuilding SkyClan

He's surprised to see the sisters

Stella wants to join and help. She's been away from the action too long. She's given the name Mistheart.

When Firestar talks to Nightstep why she wants to help, she dodges the question

The two sisters aid in rebuilding the Clan and before the fight with the rats, Petalnose stops Firestar from including Nightstep in the plan

She's aware that Night is pregnant

Firestar confronts Nightstep about not telling him and she admits it's because that the kits are halfClan They're Stonefur's

He's surprised to hear this, though he's aware the two had grown really close in a short amount of time

He asks if she'll return to ThunderClan or give the kits to RiverClan

Neither

She doesn't want the kits to be raised under bad memories, so she's using SkyClan to give her kits a proper life, away from the memories of Tigerstar and away from the potential stress of RiverClan wanting them if it's obvious that they're Stonefur's

During the fight with the rats, Nightstep ends up going into labor

Five kits are born and they're very obviously Stonefur's; One is a dark blue-gray molly Another is a black tom A small black and gray molly Then there's two smoky gray toms

She names them Stonekit, Shadowkit, Thunderkit, Riverkit, and Windkit respectively. She wants these kits to remember where they're from and that, maybe, if they want to, they'll find their way to the other Clans

Firestar is a bit skeptical on naming the kits after the Clans, but he can't stop her

After all, these are her kits

Mistheart is happy to see the kits and she adores them, promising to be the best aunt ever

Nightstep is happy to have the family that truly matters with her

notes because I only thought this far;

Mistheart ends up with Echosong because I cannot imagine SkyClan acting under normal, boring Clan rules. The two never have kits, but they're very fond of being the aunts to SkyClan's largest litter

Shadowkit dies as a kit, being too sickly Thunderkit/Thunderpaw dies as an apprentice for the same immune system problems as Shadowkit

Only Stonekit, Riverkit, and Windkit become warriors They become Stoneheart, Riverfur, and Windstep [River's name being asked for by Nightstep] Stoneheart's suffix is in honor of both Firestar and Mistheart Riverfur's name is in honor of Stonefur And Windstep is named after his mother

Windstep ends up killed by foxes because of Sol- him never taking a mate or kits Nightstep lives all the way until she's alongside Sharpclaw Mistheart is still alive, though very old and retired Stoneheart is still alive Riverfur is alive

Stoneheart also ends up having an unknown tom's kits and in this AU is the mother of Pebbleshine and Parsleyseed

Riverfur would end up in a crossClan relationship when SkyClan reaches the lake and one of his kits would be named Windkit after his brother With who I don't know yet

[moralesispunk]

Din Djarin NSFW Alphabet

This is the first of my NSFW/SFW Alphabet series! Content will be under continue reading as NSFW content (this is from comments by @ginger-swag-rapunzel and @academiacrypt)

A = Aftercare (What are they like after sex)

The fact that there was so much pining and yearning after one another before you and Din do have sex, aftercare is something that is in his second nature. He has never been big on it before - him and any previous partners just taking care of themselves - but he will care about you. 

He will like to clean you up with his mouth and if its after a rough quickie he will tell you to keep your eyes closed for a moment longer to give you a soft kiss. If its after a time where you are in no rush, he will hold you close to his chest and love the feeling of you falling asleep in his arms after, placing gentle kisses to your head.

B = Body Part (Their favourite body part on themselves / on their partner)

He never really thought of his favourite part of his body but if he had to answer he would probably say his arms or his hands. They make his job easy. Also, when his hands are on your body his size kink really comes into play when he notices just how small you look underneath his hands as they take over the whole length of your side.

His favourite part of you, if he really had to choose, would be your thighs. He loves spending hours between them, gripping them tight and moving to bite and suck on them. He loves letting his hand rest on them when you are outside of the Crest or the way they hang over his own when you sit on his lap in the Crest. In a close second are your hands. They are small and soft and gentle and no one has ever held him as carefully as you do with your hands.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum - I am a disgusting person)

It is no secret that this man has a breeding kink (whether that is actually wanting you to have his warriors or just the thought of it) so cum-play will be something he is in to. He will like to watch it come out of you before pushing it back inside and when he is feeling especially dirty (after the two of you have a quickie outside the cantina) he will tell you to stay like that for the rest of the day.

D = Dirty Secret (What do they secretly want)

He never really thought he had any particular dirty secrets until he realised two fantasies that he wants to try with you. The first is hunter/prey and he realised this that time he was teaching you how to fight and you looked to perfect trapped under his arms. The second is pretending you are inexperienced and he has to show you what to do and this is relating to that size kink we spoke about a moment before.

He will be quite nervous to bring these up to you and he will most likely mumble it to you while he babbles away during sex. When you bring it up after he will shy away from it a little but he if you’re comfortable with it then it’s definitely something he will think about making a move on.

E = Experience (Do they know what they are doing?)

He has experience in the sense that in his younger years he had quickies when the need came but he is not experienced with the more intimate side. He wants to spend hours between your legs learning what works for you and learning how your body reacts to his touch. With Din its about something new for him - intimacy - and it will be something new for you too. 

F = Favourite Position (Self explanatory)

Din will love taking you from behind, especially doggy. It does make it easier because you do not have to struggle with keeping your eyes closed the whole time but he loves watching himself push into you while he grips tightly at your thighs. He also loves the obscene moans that leave your mouth as he does so.

When he wants to see you fall apart he will have you underneath him as he sits back on his heels, your legs bent to your chest. Your eyes will be closed but he will love to watch the way your eyebrows furrow the closer you get before your mouth hangs open when you finally reach your peak.

Once he shows his face to you he will still love this but will enjoy missionary, resting his forehead against yours so he can look deep in your eyes. The first time he can do this there will be tears in his eyes from you looking into one another’s eyes for the first time.

G = Goofy (Are they serious during sex or goofy?)

All in all, Din will be serious. He can be sarcastic, like he is most of the time and sometimes funny things happen during sex - bumping heads or funny noises - but Din will quickly move on for that, stopping your giggle with a moans when he thrusts that wee bit deeper.

H = Hair (Are they well groomed?)

It wasn’t really something he thought much of until he met you. He didn’t know why he was taking time to comb his hair a little more or trim in the shower (he is hidden under layers of armour) but he is thankful for it the first time you have sex. There is hair there and it is definitely on the natural side but its tidy.

He doesn’t mind what you are like as look as you’re happy.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment?)

Very. Maybe not in a way you think intimacy shows itself. Its not all roses on bed sheets and candles but its the closeness. He physically cannot hold you any closer to his body and at some points you’re not even sure where you end and he begins. Din will also admit most of his feelings in this moment when his mind is cloudy with thoughts of only you. He will kiss into your skin how much he loves and cares for you and what lengths he would go to to protect you from the world.

J = Jack Off (Do they masturbate?)

Din has needs, so yes. Not as much now you are staying on the Crest with him and he would much rather have your hand or mouth around him than his hand. When the need hits and you’re not there then yes, he will but he will be thinking about you and how pretty you would look on your knees in front of him in the refresher right now.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Din has a lot and they come into play most of the time (if you’re okay with it). Size kink and innocence - because you look so small and sweet underneath him. Cum play - because the thought of you carrying his child sends him absolutely feral. Hunter/prey - because of what I said earlier he would love to know your heart is racing as he follows you through a forest. He is also a bit of an exhibitionist - making you cum under the table in the cantina as he tells you to be quiet.

L = Location (Favourite place to do it)

Anywhere to be honest. You and Din have had sex everywhere on the Crest. In the pilots seat. In the bunk. Against the wall of the Crest when you first walk in before the door has even shut completely. The cantina. A back alley. Anywhere and everywhere.

M = Motivation (What turns them on or gets them going?)

You. You doing anything. He loves watching you as you play with the Kid, thinking about how great a mother to his children you would be. He loves watching you walk around the Crest with short shorts so he can see your thighs and the marks he has left all over them. When you are out of the Crest he loves how close you stay to his side as you walk through the busy streets and how the mark he intentionally left on a visible part of your neck has stopped anyone from making any rude comments to you. Any time he looks at you, thoughts of what he wants to do to you are there in his mind.

N = No (Something they will not do. Turn offs.)

Din will be up for most things but he wont want to hurt you. He does enjoy biting or sucking on your skin but anything that will cause actual pain is a no go. He is also not a massive fan of being tied up. He will try it if you ask but will find it almost too frustrating.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skills, etc.)

Din is a giver. He loves to watch you squirm under him as he coaxes another orgasm from you while he holds your thighs open with his shoulders and your body down with an arm slung over your tummy. He will hold your hand while rubbing circles on your side, telling you how good you are being for him.

But he also loves watching you on your knees for him, especially when he gets to hear you gag against his cock with tears pulling at the corner of your eyes. He will definitely be sarcastic as shit and maybe even a little patronising but he will hold your face gently in his hand as he does so.

P = Pace (Are they fast or rough? Or slow and sensual?)

It depends on the situation. Din can do both and he does them well. When he needs to take his frustrations out it will be fast and rough (but he wont hurt you). When he wants to show how much he loves you but can’t find the words it will be slow and loving.

Q = Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than regular sex)

When he needs to but there isn’t a lot of time then quickies are the answer but he would rather spend hours between your legs first if he had the chance. He will never leave you unsatisfied UNLESS he is teasing you and will make sure to make up for it by making you cum more times than you can count when you’re back on the Crest.

R = Risk (Are they open to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He is open to experiment and loves how much you trust him. He wants to look into those kinks he has thought about with you - Hunter/prey, choking, cockwarming, etc. and you will try them all but he doesn't want to do anything that would hurt you too much. Choking, light biting, sucking he is all for but nothing further than that.

Unless we are talking about a dark! Mando AU and he will be open to even more risk...

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go? How long do they last?)

This depends on the situation. A post-bounty stress relief will be short but rough. Not unsatisfyingly short but not as long as the hours he can go when you are both flying in hyperspace. 

He can go around 2 rounds in a row but he can drag them out till you don't know anything other than him and forget your own name.

T = Toys (Do they own or use toys on themselves or partners?)

He had heard of them being used but never before tried them himself. At first, he isn't sure about them when you bring them up as he would much rather watch you fall apart under his own touch. However, when you let him watch you use a toy on yourself his interest will be peaked. When he does use them on you though expect his mouth and fingers to be involved too.

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

Din would tease you 24 hours of the day 7 days a week if he could. Sometimes, when he comes back from a bounty and just wants a release, there won't be any teasing because he can't control himself. But I'm hyperspace with nothing else to do? He will have you on edge for hours. He does not like to be teased though. If you tease him even a little expect to be flipped over and ruined.

V = Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

Din isn't loud but he is constant. He will moan quietly in your ear just for you to hear but he will babble non-stop, telling you how good you are being for him and that this is for walking around the Crest all day in nothing but your tiny shorts and shirts and he just wants to make you feel good. While he isn't that loud he wants you to be. He will ask you to use your words and will want to hear every moan and groan to leave your mouth. When he first hears you moan Din rather than Mando prepare for him to absolutely lose it.

W = Wildcard (Random headcannon for your character)

The first time Din tells you he wants you to be his riddur will be during sex. He will be looking down at you and see you so perfect laid out below him and he knows he never wants to live a life without you. The words fall out his mouth before he can even stop them and it will be a while before he brings it up properly again.

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

Listen, we all know Din is packing and he knows it. A good 8/9 inches and thick as well. When you are on your knees and he can see you struggling to take him that will get him going. Expect to hear him smugly ask if you're okay and tell you you're doing so good for him.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very high. Din has to be away for days at a time for bounties so when he is back to the safety of the Crest he wants nothing other than your two bodies to be tangled together. He isn’t as young as he used to be so while he can’t go as many rounds he can make them last long enough to make sure both your needs are satisfied and then some.

Z = ZZZ (How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?)

Din is not big on the sleeping thing. He has naps to keep him going but rarely a full nights sleep. After sex however, with you asleep in his arms he wont be long behind you and he will have a longer and deeper sleep than he has ever had before.

//

Permanent tag // @phoenixhalliwell @asta-lily @hb8301 @princess76179

[anonil88]

Malcolm and Marie live blog

I don't usually do liveblogs for movies but yea.

Spoilers ahead!!

I love that its modern timed but very 70s stylized.

A tune indeed.

When you are high and drunk on success and

How the white critic reacts is why I feel like gatekeeping my scripts. At the same time some things I do make are about race or involve.

Marie sitting on the patio smoking is a mood whenever men are talking.

So he's pretentious and unaware.

Whoever chose the music for this, I feel like we would be Spotify mutuals.

Can this nigga stop pacing.

Also can he stop talking;

Marie is so tired and unimpressed.

Also little booties matter and are to be bitten.

Oooo the tension and the jazz.

Title Card over mac and cheese.

Shitty boxes mac and cheese but still mac and cheese.

Tbh i always wonder if spouses/significant others get upset when their spouses don't acknowledge them during speeches.

John sounds so much like his dad but I really hope his acting style differs from his dad a lot.

Guilty confession?

He did not profit off of his partners backstory and then not even acknowledge her.....I.....

If that ever happened to me catch me cussing my partner out during the beginning credits, the end credits, in the car, and at home.

GASLIGHTER!

The way I'm excited for Zendaya to give me some, oooo can she work with Regina King. Please on my knees I pray.

Um no that's not your job to coddle your lead.

He's a dick and the type of dick who makes himself look like a good person around other people.

If Sam Levinson is trying to make his viewers more of misandrist, it's working.

I feel like Marie has her flaws probably a lot of them and we will surely see as this continues, but Malcolm needs to learn how to apologize sincerely.

70s vibes! 70s vibes!

Them kissing and talking about criticism and dreams makes me miss a partner. A partner that I've had and haven't had.

Women really are behind every great man.

Yea sir you fucked a happy moment.

Oh visual allegories for looking in from the outside and cat and mouse chasing and looking from the outside in.

She's saying she doesn't feel noticed by you.

Gas lighter :0 he called her an emotional support dog, bruh.

I would LOVE to co-write or take a writing class held by Sam Levinson. The fights i write are very much in this same realm of reflection and anger and monologue.

Sam.....sam.....are all the sides inside of you doing okay sir?

The ugly side of dating and being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their own demons.

Honestly I could close my eyes and listen to this script being read without seeing these characters visually. Just close my eyes and get a sense of these characters like it was a radio story.

Oh. Oh this is a new wheelhouse of Zendaya acting; a different voice is like breaking through here and her expressions aren't the same we are used to. You can literally hear another character in there....hmm.

Mans is outside really fighting with his invisible demons lmfao.

Selfish ass, how after everything she said you came out of it thinking about your own craft and self instead of how you hurt her.

So she's conditional.

Me: did sam (a white man) say nigga this many times in his script or are the actors adding their own inflections. Not just the lingo used but the topic of race and directing etc. being written by a white writer about black characters is always gonna be a critique when you're writer is a white person.

Alexa play Broken Girls by Saba

He is so hurtful.

A clown nigga a clown look in the fucking mirror you bozo head ass looking like you need some Mehron clown white and a size 16 in clown shoes.

John is doing a really swell performance and reading of these lines.

He is reading her for her insecurities by bringing up his experiences with other women and that.....is yikes.

Arguments can get messy like this in real life but it takes a lot of maturity and control to either not let it get to this point or have a healthy conversation afterwards.

This film is really shot on some very crisp lenses.

They sitting there like 🚬🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️.

Leftover Mac and Cheese and unfinished cigarettes.

The nyt etc. pay walls are so annoying, but there is a work around look at the articles on incognito or add a period at the end of the url.

He sounds like his daddy so much here, weird, this is the only part I'm eh on the dialogue it feels real but a bit out of pace in how they are bouncing off one another.

Nail scissors? So the end is not the only part he based off of Marie. 🙄

ITS A GOOD REVIEW YOU DINGUS but also its a full review they are going to critique things. She isn't wrong though he did profit off of a woman's story that was not his own to profit from.

Yes Malcolm because unfortunately all marginalized people look through a lens of life that is inherently political because of the world they live in.

He is so mad and upset and had a lot on his chest. But I think he Malcolm and Sam are talking about something thats an issue and a non issue. Being critiqued for you art is hard but also Malcolm is not super self aware. He's like a stand in figure of for example rich depop sellers who wanna be oppressed so badly they yell at others instead of examining their own personal behaviors and ethics.

Oh Marie, when you know the spark is gone and you pick fights because.

He ain't even ask her to read?

One critic I have for most of hollywood actors is they learn their cry and that is it. A change from this is Margot Robbie, I adore her fluctuations of crying being similar but the crying is carried differently for each character. If I had to say any actor that does a cry scene amazing its this woman right here (Amy Adams)

You stole her story from her and gave it away, she has a right to be upset and angry and a rubber band ball of emotions.

Citizen Kane, not the cinematography, but the story is it even that good? (Unpopular opinion but meh, maybe in my rewatch it will be better.)

But that is what people want authenticity and whatever authenticity means to them. What is real for one is false for another.

To be honest look at the criticism of Euphoria, well earned, but a lot of people were like this isn't real even though he literally wrote about his own life. People said it was inauthentic like....wtf.

Ahh the smoking is just a habit, he quit and she didn't.

CAST ZENDAYA IN A HORROR MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. Get Lupita and Zendaya and some more black actors preferably less known ones in a horror movie. One with a interesting script and story, directed by Regina King. Please and thankyou.

I love Marie yep that was amazing.

Behind every great man is a greater woman, one that deserves her credit for how she has stood behind. I wonder the stories of those women, what they have sacrificed or not sacrificed. Their thoughts and feelings when the world is surrounding their partner and views them as a plus one. (I'd write a short script about this but I think do I have the time, can I, or am I equipped ?)

He is a shitty person for bringing up his exes, like she even said I don't wanna know any of that.

Imagine being on anti depressents and rarely having a sex drive and then when you do your partner starts talking about their exes and tearing you apart for all your faults.

I love when you see peaks of Zendaya's cadence in roles.

Tension, what if's and he didn't even bring her up in his speech.

Marie to herself and the audience:

He is not afraid that he will loose her but as my character says in my unreleased story, "i can't wait til you give me a fucking reason to leave your ass." Malcolm expects everything in order for not even doing the bare minimum and she is only asking him for something as simple as consideration. She just wants him to be considerate. He wants to get married and considers their relationship like rolling down a hill at full speed and he cannot apologize, he cannot be considerate, and he cannot admit his wrongs. He can only offer her I love yous that he probably does mean but he does not back up outside of what he's done for her in the past. The past which was more of her experience than his and he sees his part in it as a burden. He doesn't use his own vantage point of the past to further his career he uses her. He does all of these things without a real apology or thankyou because he is not afraid to loose her.

The restrictions of quarantine and the panorama have made Sam's writing very no frills. I wonder how other films from other directors and writers that are filmed in small contained crews like this will be structured. But this was a very good movie gonna add to my letter box 3.3-3.5

Oh shit this is my song,

Ratings/overall thoughts:

Script is like a C+, B- : I could go into my heavier big brain thoughts on the script but I don't feel like it. You catch hints of it above it centers conversation on race and privilege, mainly the writers and questions i have that won't be answered but Sam did make me grow disdain for Malcolm over a short time. Which is sometimes hard to do because im one sympathetic person but the sympathy i have for Malcolm is at 0. Maybe a 2 at some scenes but then it quickly goes back to 0. Some parts of the dialogue miss the mark or hit the are off balanced. While some of it like Malcolm's bathroom speech albeit mean is really strong or their conversation when he comes back from peeing really shines for me.

Performances: B+ to A- because they carried the script further than it could of gone with less talented actors. The monologues do well to showcase their current skill levels which are already high af and leave room for anticipation in where these actors go next.

Zendaya holding a knife: A+ with a gold star. That switch on and off and on is delectable.

John being a shitty boyfriend but following Marie like a lost puppy: B+ with a good job written at the bottom of the paper, Malcolm being nervous a frantic dialed up with more realistic nervousness would have sold me completely on Malcolm's anxious waiting.

Cinematography: A and a participation award.

The mac and cheese: A+ for the easy mac. Wish it was like Annie's or Velveeta.

Cigarettes: Participation award and their picture hung up for student of the month. Why the grill lighter? Everytime Malcolm opened up his mouth Marie was like sparks fly.

The music: A++ with a prize. Whoever picked the music probably makes good Spotify playlists.

[raindancer2004]

A life for a life

Word Count: 2,542 Felix x OC Oneshot Warnings: Angst, fluff

December 31st – Confrontation of Renesmee

Once it had been declared that Renesmee is not an immortal child, Irina was ripped apart and burned for providing a false allegation to the Kings.

Alice shows Aro a vision of what will happen if he decides to fight the Cullens and the Wolves “Now you know, that’s your future…unless you decide on anther course” “We cannot alter our course, the child still poses a great threat” Caius says to Aro “What if she can remain hidden from the human world, can we go in peace?” Edward asks “Of course, but that cannot be known” Caius replies “Actually it can” Edward cuts him off as Nahuel and Huilen break through the tree line and walk towards the Volturi. “I have been searching for witnesses of my own…” Caius cuts Alice off “We have enough witnesses” “Let him speak brother” Aro says, silencing Caius. “I am like the child, half human / half vampire. A vampire seduced my mother, who died giving birth to me. My aunt Huilen raised me as her own. I made her immortal” Nahuel advises everyone. They learn that Nahuel can survive on both blood and human food and after seven years he became full grown and hasn’t changed since.  

Aro appears convinced all is well, and there’s no danger in allowing Renesmee to live. However, Edward reads Caius’ mind and discovers he isn’t as convinced as Aro and without thinking he trades Renesmee’s life / freedom for that of Bella’s sister. “If we traded you Felix’s mate for Renesmee’s life would you allow us to leave and live in peace?” Edward asks looking at Caius. “What? I don’t have a mate” Felix says looking confused “You do, you just haven’t met her” Edward replies “And you have?” Felix retorts “Yes actually. Her name is Annabelle, she’s Bella’s sister” Alice answers this time and shock washes over everyone’s faces. “We would need to confirm that they are mates first” Caius replies, Edward nods “You can meet her today, she’s at home.” Caius looks at his brothers for a moment, before glancing over at Felix, who still looks shocked and nodded at Edward.

“Does your sister know about vampires?” Aro asks curiously “She found out recently, but it couldn’t be helped” Bella replied, Caius glared at them “You like breaking that basic law of ours, don’t you Edward?” “Actually, I let it slip” Alice interjected, smiling at Aro “That’s quite alright my dear, no harm done really. She was due to find out anyway, given that she is Felix’s mate” Aro replied with a smile, Caius rolled his eyes.

Aro sent the majority of the guards back to the plane, keeping Demetri, Felix and the twins with him, Caius and Marcus. “How do you feel about meeting your mate after centuries of being alone?” Demetri asked low “I should be happy, I know…but this doesn’t seem right D. This isn’t how I thought I’d meet her.” Demetri nodded and sympathised with his friend because he too didn’t agree that this was the ideal way to meet one’s mate.

“You know she is not going to be happy with either of you for doing this” Alice says looking at Edward and Bella. “My daughter’s life was on the line. What was I meant to do?” Edward replied “Oh I don’t know, maybe not trade in Annabelle’s life” Jasper pointed out “She’s innocent in all this and you’ve just handed her over to them like it’s nothing” Rosalie added, sounding a little upset. “They’re mates! They were bound to meet sometime” Edward shouts “This isn’t the best way though is it son?” Carlisle asks “And Bella, you’re awfully quiet, what do you think of Edward’s deal?” Tanya called out “It had to be done” Bella replied. “Let’s hope your sister is more loyal than you are” Tanya responded.

Carlisle motioned for Felix to approach him, Aro nodded and walked alongside him towards Carlisle and Esme “Everything ok Carlisle?” Aro asked “Yes, I just wanted to give Felix some advice” Esme replied low, Felix nodded “Be patient with her, she hasn’t known about our world for long and is likely to be upset, angry even at this situation” She added “I understand” Felix replied with a nod.

Bella and Edward go inside the Swan house to speak with Annabelle and tell her what they did and all hell breaks loose. The three Kings and the four elite guards stood in the back garden of the Swan house listening to the conversation between Bella, Edward and Annabelle, Caius finding the girl intriguing…for a human.

“You traded my life for hers? How dare you? You had no right!” Annabelle screams at Edward “They would have killed her…” Bella tries to explain “THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM!” Annabelle interrupts loudly “You don’t understand...” Bella tries again “NO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I’M NOT GOING!” Annabelle screams “YOU DON’T HAVE A CHOICE!” Edward shouts back “ONLY BECAUSE YOU TOOK THAT AWAY FROM ME! YOU HAD NO RIGHT!” Annabelle continues to scream at Edward “I have a life; I have things I want to do with my life and being mated to a vampire is not part of my life plan. So, the deal is off!” Annabelle goes to walk away but Bella grabs her “OW!” Annabelle screams “He’s outside waiting for you. You leave tonight” Bella said, nodding towards the back yard and keeping hold of her sister’s arm “You need to go pack” Bella adds. Annabelle pulls her arm free of Bella’s hold and walks to the living room “I don’t care what deal that ginger prick and my sister made, but I am not coming with you. They had no right to trade my life for their daughter’s” Annabelle shouts, knowing they can hear her.

“I will not make her come with us by force. It isn’t fair to her or me” Felix says looking at the Kings “The mate bond doesn’t work that way my dear boy. You know that” Marcus says softly “I haven’t actually seen her; we’ve not actually met one another so there is no bond in play” Felix replies, Marcus turns to look at him “So you’re telling me you don’t feel a pull towards her...seeing as you’re in such close proximity to one another?”  “Not really…but that might be due to her…reaction to the news” Felix replied, sounding unsure of himself, Marcus shook his head “We’ll see.”

“If you don’t go with him now, you’ll end like how I was when Edward left me” Bella said “No I won’t. I haven’t actually met him. I can’t miss someone I don’t know, genius” Annabelle retorts “She’s a feisty little human. I like her already” Demetri says sounding both amused and impressed not caring that Bella and Edward could hear him.

“You know what once I’m changed, I’m going to come back here and RIP YOU ALL APART!” Bella’s mouth falls open in shock “Caius won’t be happy with you” Edward says “Ha – I’ll just tell him it’s a newborn thing and he’ll just be happy I didn’t slaughter an entire village of humans and expose us. Let’s face it, he doesn’t like you two much anyway, so I’ll be doing him a favour really” Annabelle adds smiling.

“I like the girl. I’m going to go claim her” Caius says entering the house, missing the confused look on Felix’s face. “Don’t worry Felix, he didn’t mean it how it sounded” Marcus assured him. Caius enters the house and grabs Annabelle around the waist before an incident occurs as she was standing face to face with Bella. “You’re coming home with us” Caius said in her ear and she struggled in his arm “Put me down now” Annabelle told him “If you come quietly now, I’ll have the elite guards bring you back here as a newborn to follow up on the promise of ripping these two traitor’s heads off” She stopped moving and looked over her shoulder at him “You promise?” “Yes. I promise. I may even come to watch” Caius replied grinning “Fine. I’ll come quietly…but if you break your promise, it’ll be your head I rip off. Understand?” She glared at him “I understand and I will not break my promise, as you said I don’t like them anyway. You killing them means one less problem for me” He smiled at her.

“Wow. She threatened Caius and got away with it. Now I’m impressed” Jane smiled looking up at Felix, his face paled “She’s going to be a handful” He muttered “I know, I can’t wait” Demetri smiled wide, excitement shining in his red eyes and he patted his friend on the back. “It’s going to be an interesting year” Aro said just as Caius came out of the house carrying Annabelle. “Annabelle these are my brothers Aro and Marcus, we rule the vampire world together” “It’s nice to meet you both. My apologies for the…er…scene in there but it was abit of a shock to learn that my life had been ‘traded’ for their daughter’s” “That’s quite all right, my dear. We actually found it rather…refreshing” Aro replied smiling.

Once on the Volturi’s private plane Caius introduces Annabelle to Felix, Demetri, Jane and Alec. “Annabelle, these four are our Elite Guards, Demetri, our resident Tracker, Felix who’s our Executioner” Annabelle gulped and took a small step back, something that Felix noticed and he frowned slightly. “These two are Jane and Alec. They’re twins and are both gifted like Demetri” Caius added. “It’s nice to meet you all” Annabelle smiled at them “Likewise” Demetri replied “Are you curious who your mate is?” Caius asked “Yeah I guess, I hadn’t really thought about it” Annabelle replied “Ok then Annabelle, you are mated to Felix” Annabelle looked between Felix and Caius “That Felix?” “Yes, we only have one Felix…that I am aware of” Caius mused “You’re sassing me? Really?” She asked staring at Caius “When you ask an obvious question, you’re going to get a sassy remark” He replied and started to walk towards his seat “Is he like Edward?” Caius raised an eyebrow at her, the four elite guards turned to look at them “Is he controlling and possessive? Because if he is, this isn’t going to work. I am not Bella. I won’t be told what I can do, where I can go and who I can talk to” She replied “No, he is not like Edward. Although, all vampires are protective of their mates, seeing as we only get one and that can sometimes come across as possessive” Caius replied “Good. That’s something at least” Annabelle said low.

Annabelle sat down beside Felix “So…mate, how soon can I become immortal and go back kill my sister and her husband?” Demetri choked back a laugh as Felix took a deep unneeded breath “As soon as you feel ready to be changed” Felix replied “Great. Bite me” Annabelle said as she pulled her hair to one side and tilted her neck to give him access. Felix looked at Annabelle and then to Demetri who was sitting on his other side “Is she serious D?” “It would seem so Fe” He replied “Come on Felix. Bite me” “Annabelle…I…” “Demetri, will you bite me please?” She cut Felix off, Demetri smiled “Be my pleasure sweetheart” He stood up and watched as Annabelle turned to face him, he leant down and inhaled her scent “You smell nice” He whispered against the shell of her ear “Thank you…I think” Demetri carefully tilted her head a little more as his mouth filled with venom and just as he was about to bite her, he felt a strong hand on his arm “If you bite her D, I’ll have your head” Felix growled and Demetri smiled at him and sat back in his seat “See Felix you do want to bite me” Annabelle smiled and Felix sighed “I will turn you myself, but please wait till we get home. I’d like to spend the ten-hour flight getting to know you, not watch you writhe in pain” He said softly “Fine I’ll wait. But if you wuss out on me, I will let Demetri turn me” Annabelle told him before smiling at Demetri “I’ll be ready if / when you need me sweetheart” Demetri smiled back at her and Felix growled low.

They land in Volterra and once back at the castle they begin to make preparations for Annabelle’s transformation. Felix asks Alec and Demetri to be in the room with him when he turns his mate. “Demetri, Alec please be the room with me when I change Annabelle, I may need you both to stop me from killing her, if I don’t stop on my own. After all I have never turned anyone before” “Of course Felix, I will strip your senses away to allow Demetri to pull you away from her without ripping her throat out” Alec replied and Demetri nodded “Of course I’ll be there to help Fe.”

Annabelle woke up three days later and her eyes instantly found Felix’s and she ran straight into his arms “Thank you Felix” “You’re welcome mi amore” Felix replies as he gently cups her face in his large hands and presses his lips to her forehead.

Jane spoke to Annabelle about changing her plan for revenge on her sister and Edward. “Annabelle, I have an idea regarding your plan for revenge” “Ok Jane, I’m listening” She replied turning to face her. “Revenge is a dish best served cold and I think we should have fun with them first…” “What were you thinking sister?” Alec cut her off “I think we should play around with Alice’s visions a little, make the decision to go and see Bella and Edward, then decide not to go or just not turn up at all. Leave it a little while and make the decision to go to them again…” “Play mind games with them?” Annabelle interrupted “Exactly, that will irritate them, maybe even drive them mad” Jane replied smiling, a wicked glint in her eyes “I like that plan because when we do finally go and exact revenge, they will not see it coming” Annabelle responded with a wicked smile “We will all be by your side when the time comes mi amore” Felix added and wrapped his arm around her.

The next few decades were amusing to the Volturi but frustrating to the Cullens. Demetri tracked the Cullens as they moved around every so many years and took great pleasure in sending them a ‘Welcome to your new home’ card.

Finally, when Annabelle did decide to pay her sister a visit, Caius accompanied her and the four elite guards but instead of beheading Bella and Edward as originally planned all those years ago, they gave them a ‘new home’ present consisting of recently dead small woodland creatures “For you” Caius and Annabelle said together, both sporting a wicked grin on their lips and watched as shock washed over the faces of the Cullens. “We’ve bought you a welcome to your new home meal” Caius added smiling. “Revenge is sweet, sister” Annabelle told Bella with a smile before leaving the house to return to Volterra with her family.  

[all-my-love-for-harry]

part two of shy little boy! maybe a family says something to yn abt being a single mom and how harry is dating her, everyone hears, while her boy is on her hip, she gives him to harry and leaves upset. harry says something to the family member and yn little boy goes to find yn and harry does too :) love ur work

thank you for your ask! this is actually my first request ever so i'm very excited, i hope you like it. 🖤

you can find more of my shy little boy here

Usually, Y/N doesn't let people's comments affect her as she held so much pride in being a single mother.

But she was already feeling anxious about meeting the entire family, so her nerves were at the highest.

So far, Harry's aunts were very nice both to her and Artemis. They'd say he was the cutest child they've ever seen, and Y/N was very comfortable talking to them.

However, she couldn't say the same about some of the men.

She had Artemis on her hip as she walked towards where Harry was talking to one of uncles. It was passed six and he was a little too drunk.

The older man noticed her before Harry did, and he opened his arms as he exclaimed, "There she is! Harry here was talking about you" Y/N gave the man a half smile, never have really liked being around drunk people while her child was there. "How amazing is that you managed to tie up this one, uh?"

tie up?

"Must be nice having that security of a man again, right?" he spoke again. "You know, at first i thought it was ridiculous how my nephew would date a single mum?! Always thought they're desperate for-"

"That's enough" He barked, a frown on his face as he looked at his relative.

He quickly looked back at Y/N and his eyes softened when he say the tears forming in her eyes. He took a step closer to her but she only shook her head. Artemis looked at his mum, frowning when he also noticed she was upset.

Before someone could speak again, Y/N was quick to pass Artemis to Harry, who quickly took the child in his arms, arm under his bum to secure him.

Y/N turned around and walked fast inside of the house, trying to not look at the people who were giving her a sympathy look.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Harry was mad. Oh, he was furious. Family or not, how dare he speak to his girlfriend like that? "You had no right. No right to speak to her like that" He pointed a finger at his uncle, taking a step closer to him. "You have no idea how hard she works, she doesn't need me, not in the way you imply. Discredit her work as a parent just because she's a woman? I will not allow that"

At this point, everyone was watching them but Harry still didn't care. Gemma came running to him and grabbed his arm. "Harry, stop"

"Stop?! Did you hear what he told her?"

"C'mon, kid. I was joking, she seriously cannot be offended by it" the man scoffed.

"You called her a-"

"Harry" Gemma spoke sternly. "You have a kid with you" Harry almost forgot the extra weight he was carrying for a second and he turned to see Artemis, hiding at the crock of his neck.

He sighed, knowing that even if punched his uncle right on the face, he wouldn't even remember it in the morning as he was too drunk to even care about the feelings of the woman he had just offended.

"I want mummy" Artemis whispered to Harry, lifting his head to look at him. "Take me with mummy, please"

"Let's go find you mummy, baby" Gemma tried to take the boy from Harry's arms, but he refused.

"No, I want Harry!" Harry knew if he didn't get out of there soon, Artemis would throw a tantrum, and the last thing he wanted was both of his loves being upset.

He threw one last angry look at his uncle before turning around. He went in the same direction Y/N went, hoping to find her soon.

"She went outside" he heard someone say.

He quickly made his way out of his mother's house and started looking around for Y/N.

"Mummy! Mummy!" Artemis started squirming, wanting to be put down. "Harry, i want mummy!"

Harry obeyed, making sure to grab Artemis hand before he could run away. Y/N was in Harry's car, apparently getting their bags as she cursed to herself.

She was not going to cry. She felt like she could punch that man's face but she wouldn't, out of respect for Anne.

She still didn't understand how people could think that about single mothers. It wasn't the first time she has heard the same old you need the security only a man can provide but for some reason, coming from one of Harry's family member, it did hurt more.

What if more relatives thought she only wanted him for money?

"Baby, what are you doing?" Harry asked.

"I... uh, Artemis needs a shirt change, yes" She replied, struggling to talk due the anger still being palpable in her.

"Mummy..." the little boy let go of Harry's hand, taking small steps towards his mother.

"Mummy's okay, baby" she assured him.

"Baby, i am so sorry... i-it pains me to think he thought he could speak to you like that"

"It doesn't matter, H" she shrugged. "I just... don't want your family to think that i want something else from you aside from... well, you"

"No, no, no. No one thinks that, darling. Everyone loves you and Artemis. Fuck him"

Y/N raised her eyebrows, silently saying language.

"Fuck him?"

There he is. They looked down and found a confused five year old. "Who?"

"It's nothing, mate. Don't say that word" Harry chuckled nervously.

"You said it to the man when we were there" he pointed to Anne's house.

Well, damn.

"What did you say to him?" Y/N asked.

"Well, i defended you. No one speaks to you like that and expects for me to no f-... be mad about it"

"It's your family, you didn't have to"

"No, you two are my family. It's my job to be on your side" Harry pulled the two of them in a hug. "And when i said no one can disrespect you, i meant it. I don't care if it's my family or a stranger in the street"

Kissing both of their heads, he squeezed them closer to his chest. Yes, Y/N was lucky to have him in both Artemis and her lives, but so was Harry. He now has everything he's ever wanted and we was going to protect them until his very last breath.

☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁

taglist!!

@myfavfanficsever @odetostep @la-cey @awkwardbullfrog @cock-a-doodely-doo

[youarejesting]

Wash Out.21 (Sope Special)

[Master List]

Banners: @purpleskies1999 Pairings: Dolphintrainer!Taehyung x SharkDiver!Jin,  Mer!Jimin x Reader, Scientist!Namjoon x MerKing!Jungkook, Mer!Yoongi x Mer!Hoseok. Rating: 16+ Genre: Mystery, Romance, Comedy, Drama, Fantasy, little bit of Action, Slice of life, Enemies2Lovers, Friends2lovers, Social media au, Fake Texts, Fake Subs.

Summary: Taehyung and his best friend Y/N are Dolphin trainers at Wash Out; Marine Wildlife and Theme Park. When the nerdy marine biologist and resident veterinarian Doctor Kim Namjoon goes missing; the two friends form a ragtag team with Taehyung’s rival Seokjin and a…. Fish?

[Prev] [Next]

Yoongi stood still, his legs shaking. It was not normal for him to be standing for this length of time. They were mermaids used to having tails their strength in the water. Swimming was like breathing. Of course their legs only appeared on their sacred land under the ocean.

They couldn’t walk on human land, could never compare to their leg strength. Most Mermaids spent their days in the water only entering the sacred land for celebrations. Yoongi being one of many guards would protect the royal family, albeit there was no longer a royal family. Jungkook was all that was left, a prince forced to be a king before he was ready. 

Guards were the most common of the merfolk to adorn legs. Jungkook was confined to the sacred land, his time in the water limited. Anything to keep him safe from the threat of other merclans. Each guard embellished in the silk of the clams. Byssus was woven finely like silk, the light material was surprisingly warm enough to protect the guards and King whilst in their more vulnerable form.

Yoongi looked across the crystal throne room, the love of his life standing just as tall, his stature stronger than Yoongi’s. A feat as Jungkook tore the room apart, bioluminescent vines and lanterns ripped from the walls. Food and wine splattered on the floor of their ancestors.

Hoseok’s mouth turned down, the sight unnatural for his usually cheerful disposition. The hardest part of their job was raising Jungkook, it seemed no matter how hard they tried to teach him right and wrong, politics and history they still came up short. He didn’t have a family, not anymore, he didn’t know how to share and never had to work for relationships. 

Everyone adored him, feared him, doted on his every whim. He was given the finest foods and all the newest technology Merfolk could offer. Anything to keep him content in his prison. It surprised Yoongi that Jungkook hadn’t questioned his confines, that he was complacent with their level of control over his freedom.

Jungkook no longer understanding, why his new found friend was so reluctant to stay. He extended all his riches and gifts to the human, something other merfolk would cherish. 

“Why does he still want to leave, with me he could be treated as a king,” Jungkook seethed, throwing a leg over the arm of his throne massaging his temples. “Leave me.”

Hoseok marched dutifully to Yoongi, supporting the older merman as they made their exit. Walking him to the entrance of the underwater cove, the air though damp enough to keep their lungs from feeling dry, they much preferred sinking into the cool water. Doing so allowed the power of the sacred land to slip away leaving only their natural form. 

The two transformed their black and blue tails wrapping around each other, a romantic gesture Yoongi enjoyed more than he wished to admit. They relaxed in eachothers arms peacefully, sinking further until they landed on the floor of the large network of caves. This is where most of the merfolk lived as they were still protected from the open ocean.

Under the cove was wide and besides a few stalagmite and stalactite the surface was predominantly flat. However the local life was anything but, everyone bustling around the settlement enjoying tending to the seaweed, crafting and protecting the sealife. 

“Jungkook, is struggling. He doesn’t understand how to handle rejection. He doesn’t understand that people value the same things,” Hoseok mumbled, massaging Yoongi’s lower back to help relieve tension from standing for such a long time.

“That human cannot survive long under the ocean, he grows weaker by the day, barely eating.” Yoongi huffed, “If Jungkook doesn’t let him go, the poor thing will die, Jungkook isn’t ready to experience something like that so close to him.”

“I think he has gotten too attached, losing this human might break him,” Hoseok bit his lip, “Dare I say he is in love with him, he could be his promised.”

Yoongi scoffed, the idea that Jungkook happened to find his promised one and he was a human, the first human he had ever met. Yoongi and Hoseok were unaware they were each other's promised until Yoongi had a week off from guard duty and started to get really sick. The two had met in the infirmary wasting away and only in one another's company did their condition improve. “Hoseok, that’s a bit much.”

A figure swam down the path quickly, heading straight to the sacred cove entrance, carrying something large. Was someone trying to attack their home? The two fell apart taking up offensive stances, each lurching forward when they spotted Jimin holding an unconscious human.

“Not another one,” Yoongi chastised, eyes sweeping over Jimin trying to be inconspicuous. Though he cared he showed it silently, not fond of open praise. The kind to listen and assist others out of sight.

“I have to make sure he is alright,” Jimin gave no further explanation, swimming up into the cove entrance dragging the human onto the sacred land. Jimin’s gold tail disappearing, leaving behind two bare legs. 

Wrapping himself in a cloth, the two followed. Yoongi strained to lift himself into an upright position. Hoseok brought out their usual transport, especially for Jungkook’s deliveries. In this case they threw the unconscious human across the shell of the crustacean and they headed to their king.

“Are all humans this big?” Yoongi asked, eyeing the figure draped beside Jimin. The two crab-pooling wasn’t the issue, the way Jimin looked genuinely concerned for the human was. It was no good for humans and Merfolk to fall in love, the dynamic wouldn’t end well. 

“No, they aren’t all this big, some of them are small, delicate and beautiful. They are magnificent, fascinating beings. Some are scary and mean and others are innocent and protective, just trying to do the right thing.” Jimin whispered, checking the humans breathing once more. 

“Is he your promised?” Hoseok asked softly, not knowing how to approach the topic sensitively. Jimin smiled, shaking his head. The thought appeared to have amused him.

“He is someone else’s promised,” Jimin said, “But I think I met her, she was beautiful and strong, never letting anyone stop her, never letting bad things keep her down. She would swim head first into enemy waters to save someone she barely knows.

The human groaned, “Where am I?” Jimin let out a sigh of relief, this human was waking up and didn’t seem to be physically hurt, at least there were no wounds they could see upon his flesh. “Am I dead?”

“No, you are not dead, you are in our settlement.” Jimin grinned at the disorientation present in Seokjin’s words. He was struggling to enunciate his words, each more like a whine drawn out.

Upon entering the crystal throne room the group tried their best to support the sluggish human inside. Gaining the attention of Jungkook, ceasing his brooding long enough to assist the three struggling mermen. As if hearing the commotion or perhaps Seokjin’s terrible jokes Namjoon emerged from where he had been staying.

“Jin! Are you okay?” Namjoon grabbed his friend, checking him over for injury, “What are you doing here?”

“Rescuing you and avoiding the police, I ran my car off the cliff and also may have destroyed the letter box outside your beach house.” He laughed, “Never really liked it anyway.”

“You did what?” Namjoon said, concerned, “Are you crazy?”

“Listen, we were being chased. It was all for you, and Jimin of course, returning Jimin and rescuing you.” Seokjin smiled at his friend. Yoongi thought these humans were weird, they were reckless and too odd for his liking. “I even teamed up with Taehyung and Y/n in order to save you. Do you know how hard that was?”

“Didn’t seem hard at all, you and Taehyung seemed to get along really well.” Jimin pushed the human with a smile, it was weird to see Jimin acting so comfortable with the humans. “We will return you so that the issue can be resolved, I am starting to grow worried about how we left.”

“What do you mean?” Seokjin asked confused

“Humans tackled Y/n and Taehyung dragged me into the water. Right before you and your car contraption fell into the water I killed the man who scared you all.” Jimin said proudly, this didn’t seem to go over well with the human’s. Yoongi hoped Jimin didn’t do something stupid turf war wasn’t on his to do list.

Yoongi didn’t understand the words coming from Seokjin’s face, if he had to liken it to anything, it sounded like vulgar slang, curse words. The human looked panicked.

“We have to go back, they are probably being sent to prison,” Seokjin said, trying to leave unsure which direction to go, “They are in big trouble.”

“Can’t you just talk to your king and explain and they will be removed from prison?” Jimin said

“Prison doesn’t work the same as it does here,” Namjoon explained, “Very Very bad people go to prison, Murderer’s, thieves and other despicable humans put in one place.”

“Yeah and if they go to prison, they may be beaten or worse,” Seokjin huffed. Jimin looked up at Jungkook who nodded, bringing out a small mirror and handing it to Jimin.

Looking over Jimin’s shoulder, Yoongi noticed a human different to the two infront of him, she was feminine delicate and leaking. “What is happening to her?”

“She is crying,” Jimin explained, “Humans do that when they are hurt or in despair, from what I have been told they do the same when they are happy too.”

“Confusing and a little stupid.” Hoseok laughed, “How do you know the difference?”

The charges have been dropped, Namjoon breathed listening to the interrogator, explaining that they couldn’t record the phenomenon that occurred on the beach. “They are being let go,” He smiled, a sight Yoongi hadn’t seen since he first laid eyes on their large domestic crustaceans.

“There is Taehyung,” Seokjin called out looking down, the two humans looked void of any emotion, they collected their things and climbed into the police car getting an escort to their homes. “They are safe and that’s all that matters.” 

Seokjin smiled, his eyes leaking much to Yoongi’s disgust. Namjoon smiled, he seemed a little amused by the older human. “I remember distinctly you saying you hated Taehyung with a passion and wanted him to choke on a sardine.” They two laughed for a moment, “When did things change?” 

“I guess when you are working as a team to save someone you develop an understanding.” Seokjin shrugged his large shoulders, “It also didn’t help that he was living in my house for almost a week.”

“You like him,” Namjoon poked him, “Admit it you have feelings for him.”

“We can head back when you are ready, we have returned Jimin home safely.” Seokjin smiled, looking around at the group and smiling, “I am Seokjin by the way, you can call me Jin.”

The man was goofy, reminding Yoongi of Jungkook himself, the two so alike in their childlike nature, letting themself play without hesitation. It was almost admirable that people could act so carefree, unaffected by how they could be perceived.

“I don’t know if I am allowed to leave?” Namjoon said, his smile falling, eyes fixed on the ground before him. 

Yoongi looked at his king, the spoiled young man reflecting on his actions, it had been many days since they saw the young man smile. Almost expecting him to refuse, Yoongi schools his expression when he doesn’t. 

“You should go, You don’t belong down here?” Jungkook took the mirror before walking away from the group to sit on the throne. He lowered his head looking at his reflection trying to distract himself from the pain. Letting your promised go was the hardest thing a merperson could do. Under normal circumstances, promises are only parted by death.

Namjoon walked over, placing a hand on the king's head and smiling at him, “If ever you want to visit, I would be happy to show you some great places, places you would love.” Jungkook’s broken heart warmed at the human’s dimples appearing softly in the flesh of his cheeks.

That was the last thing they needed, their king running off for a romance on the coast line. Seokjin swung his arm around Jimin playfully, the merman giggling whilst his legs almost buckled. “Yeah Jimin knows the private beach by Namjoon’s house, he can show you the way if you ever want to visit.”

Tags: @backinblack1967 @miriamxsworld @moccahobi @simplymemyself @a-gayish-unicorn @ella-mella @vjinfan23​

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[symphonicmetal101]

MC Struggles With Obsessive/Compulsive Behaviour

Ok, just to be clear.

I haven't been diagnosed with anything, which is why I refrain from writing "OCD" in the title. I've always known I'm a perfectionist- please be aware that there are some major differences between OCD and perfectionism, (despite what Youtube videos may say)- however I have had instances in which I have taken it too far and paid the price physically, mentally, and emotionally. Please be aware that these are all very real things that not only myself, but other people go through. I haven't had one of them in a long time, but my current circumstances make me feel like I might soon, so bear with me while I write another self-indulgent thing.

Or don't.🤷‍♀️

TW: compulsive/obsessive behaviour, a little self-deprecation as seasoning👌

Lucifer

At first, he's very happy to see that you are very organized and neat

One less thing for him to worry about

However, one day he walked past your room and saw you organizing your desk

He respected that, and continued on

The next day he passed by around the same time and saw you organizing your desk again

Odd, but perhaps one of his brothers had interfered and interrupted you, meaning you hadn't finished yesterday

It had been five days now, surely you weren't still cleaning your desk??

"MC, if my brothers bother you, you should close the door. Perhaps then you would be able to finish cleaning your desk properly. Unless you would like some direction in time management instead?"

Lucifer glanced behind you. To his surprise, your desk looked immaculate. He then saw your blushing face.

"Ah... well that's very kind of you Lucifer, however I'm afraid it's not an issue of time management or your brothers. Well, sometimes Mammon comes in and moves the pens around, so then I have to start over..."

"Start over?"

"Y-yeah." You explain your process to him, how you completely clear off your desk, to the type of cleaner you use, how many sprays, to how you like to stack your paper, to how you always have to have three paperclips to your right, and how the black pen is always in between the blue and the red.

"And when Mammon moves the pens...you start over?"

"Yeah. I do."

Lucifer has sympathy for you, put also struggles because it seems like a waste of time if he were to do it.

But he doesn't do it, and it seems to make you calm, so instead he buys you proper gloves for cleaning and a few more bottles of your cleaner

Mammon

"Come on MC, I wanna show ya something in my room."

Oh no

Nononono

You could feel yourself panicking a bit. Mammon's room was messy

Not messier than Levi's but still

But he looked really excited, so you reluctantly followed him

"TA-DA!!!"

Oh wow. His room was spotless!

"I-uh, noticed ya only seem to be comfortable in yours or Lucifer's room. It-it took a while for me to figure out why, but...whaddya think? Will it work for ya?"

He smiled at you and you could see a hint of nervousness in his eyes.

"It looks great! You even picked up the water bottles that were by your bed!!"

He instantly became more confident, his smile growing wider and his cheeks slightly flushed.

"Of course it looks great! Why wouldn't it?"

You gave him a withering stare

"Uh..yeah. Y'know, if ya had just told me ya didn't like it being so messy I woulda tidied up sooner. J-just make sure ya let me know if it gets too messy again. I want ya to be comfortable in more places than just your room, so my room seemed like a good idea."

His face was incredibly flushed

"Thank you Mammon. It really means a lot.

Levi

You had only been in Levi's room twice

But dear god

You really really really wanted to tidy things up for him

But you also knew what it was like to be very particular and have things "just-so"

Aksjsjshdgjak

"Hey Levi, can I make you deal?"

He took off one of his headphones to listen

"What's up?"

"This might be kinda weird. Can I take pictures of your stuff so I can reorganize and clean your room? That way if you don't like it, I'll put everything back?"

You could see confusion and slight panic that crossed his features.

"I'm sorry, I know it's weird, you don't have to say yes I-"

"Um, what exactly would you be doing?"

"Uhhh.."

He stopped his game to sit and talk with you for a bit.

"O-ok. Just that shelf is off-limits. And I'll stay in here to let you know if something isn't ok with me."

He watched in awe as you carefully rearranged his figurines by rarity as well as colour.

You crawled under his desk with velcro ties and made all the cords under there much more organized

You rearranged the pillows on his couch so that they were symmetrical on both sides, fluffing them and squishing them as you saw fit.

His manga was pretty organized, so you just straightened out the pile.

You organized his games in alphabetical order

The whole time you had been dusting stuff off as well

"There. That's better....what do you think Levi?"

"WOOOAAHH!!! I love it!! It looks really good MC!"

"Thanks for letting me do that."

"No problem...but w-why did you want to do it?"

You shrugged. "It calms me down? No, that's not quite it....I don't really now. As it is, I need to cut myself off otherwise I'll clean until I can't stand. Mind if I join you for a bit?"

He nods at you and hands you a control. As the game boots up he says, "Y-you're welcome to do that again if you need to...but that shelf is still off-limits."

You nod, grateful for his understanding.

Satan

He said he had a surprise date for you

So you followed him

To the Cat Cafe

Now, you love cats

And you love food

But the two of them together don't sit well with you

But Satan looked so eager and happy that you didn't hesitate much to go inside.

Everything was going really well until Satan asked if you wanted something to eat or drink.

You politely declined his offer, but he insisted on getting you something

You reluctantly chose a hot drink.

But as you watched the worker prepare your drink, you were horrified to see them carry a cat out from behind the counter, and then without washing their hands, snap the lid on your cup.

"Satan..I need to step outside for a bit."

He watched you in mild concern as you walked out the door and he waited for your and his order to be complete

You were pacing outside, trying to calm down.

Why did that upset me? I haven't even touched it yet. Besides, normal people don't usually care about stuff like that. And I can clean it??? Or grab another lid?? Fuck! Why am I like this?

Your train of thought was broken as Satan tapped on your shoulder, concern and curiosity apparent in his eyes.

"Are you alright? I noticed the worker didn't wash their hands after handling the cat, so I grabbed a couple lids on my way out. I was going to put it on for you, but I believe it would be best for all parties if you did it on your own."

You almost started crying as he handed you a paper towel with two lids in it.

"Why are there two?"

"Although it never particularly bothered me, I thought you may have wanted some solidarity. I can understand where you're coming from." He smiled sympathetically at you.

From that day forward, he paid extra attention to things while you were around to make sure you wohld feel comfortable. You two also managed to tackle the daunting task of properly organizing Satan's books so that you could spend more time in his otherwise clean room.

Asmo

"Darling, you look wonderful in that outfit!! And it's so hot outside, it's perfect!! I was just about to head out, do you want to join me?"

"That depends. Where are you going?"

"Oh, I'm just gonna do a little shopping. There was a cute top on sale at the mall yesterday, I just want to see if it's still there."

You told him you'd be right back.

When you got to your room you threw on a sweater, and then made sure you had your wallet and your phone.

You walked out of your bedroom, checking again, wallet, phone

As you approached Asmo, you checked again. Wallet, phone

"Are you ready to go?" You nodded and followed him out the door.

He made idle gossip with you until he noticed you were looking a little pale

"Oh my goodness, love are you alright? You should take this sweater off, you'll get much too hot!"

"I can't!" You panicked a bit, and he was caught off guard by your reaction.

"I- I'm sorry. But I use the sleeves to open doors and hold bags and stuff. I don't like touching that stuff. Even groceries are hard for me to touch, so I wash the groceries before I put them away when I get home. I enjoy shopping with you though, because you always know what kind of stuff I like just by looking at it, or feeling it for me. It's the same thing I explained before, where it's difficult for me to model the clothes for you until after they've been washed."

"Aww honey, I'm sorry. Next time I'll see if Mammon or Beel can come and help with your bags, m'kay? But you cannot stay in this sweater in weather like this. What about gloves? Would you be ok wearing gloves? I know a place where there's some really cute ones!! And I'll handle the doors for now, ok?"

You took off your sweater and tied it around your waist.

"Huh. I actually do feel a little better....thanks Asmo."

You two laughed lightly as he held open the door for the next shop.

Beel

You had waited for Beel to get out of one of his extracurriculars to walk home with him

You two were planning to eat together

However when you walked into the kitchen, you were greeted with a sink overflowing with dishes, and a sleeping Belphie on the island.

"Oh, uh, before I eat Beel, I'm going to clean that up. You go ahead though."

Belphie piped up, "Just throw what you can in the dishwasher....I'll do the rest later."

Beel looked concerned. "We were late getting home. Are you sure you're not hungry?"

"Oh...uh" you contemplated lying when your stomach gave you away.

"Just eat. I'll take care of the dishes. It's my turn anyways. I'll get to it soon."

"It's not a big deal Belphie, I'll just do them."

"But you're hungry, aren't you? Just eat first? Or did I do something? Is it something I can fix? I can go if it makes you more comfortable-" Beel looked disappointed. Of course it wasn't his fault.

You shook your head. "It's not you. It's me. I just- I don't know- ugh." You felt close to tears.

How the fuck were you supposed to explain yourself?

Beel pulled you into a hug. "Hey, it's ok. You don't have to tell us what's going on, but if you do it'll make it easier for us to help you."

He let go of you enough for you to step back and wipe tears from your eyes.

"I-I don't know what it is! But whenever I know there's something to be done, especially if I can see it, I have to do it before I do anything for myself. That includes eating, getting a glass of water, even going to the bathroom! And if I find another thing to do half way through he first thing, I'll just continue to postpone the thing I need to do for myself until I'm done or I forget about it..."

Silence settled across the kitchen.

"We'll help you do the dishes so it gets done faster, then you have to eat, ok?"

You smile and nod graciously as the twins helped you feel more comfortable

Belphie

"Come cuddle with meeee."

"Belphie, I need to study, please."

Belphie pouted. He was going to cuddle with you one way or another, even if he had to annoy you into it

Only what he didn't realize what he saw as "mildly annoying" was actually triggering for you

So he started messing with the postion of things on your desk.

"Stop it Belphie, I need to study."

"Yeah? Don't let me stop you, I'm just playing with your pen jar."

"But I asked you. To. Stop."

He huffed and put the pen jar down

But then he started to mess with your three pencils you had laid out, smallest to tallest.

"Why do you need three pencils?"

"Because. Now leave them alone."

He grinned.

"Because is hardly an answer and you know it. What would happen if I just took this one?"

"BELPHIE NO!" Your voice sounded between laughter and tears, butbhe figured it was just your way of begging.

"Belphie, please? I need that!"

He just grinned as he shifted into his demon form and passed the pencil to his tail and lazily flicked it back and forth.

Until he saw your face.

"Whatever. Do what you want, I'm done dealing with you." You walked out of your room, angry tears filling your eyes.

"W-wait! Shit! No, come back! I didn't-ugh." He groaned as he picked himself up to go after you, finding you on the outside steps of HOL.

"Hey, why're you crying? It was just a pencil. I put it back."

You pulled your head out of your hands.

"Yeah, but did you put it back right?"

Belphie looked at you perplexed...right? What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

"Look, I'm sorry for using that tone with you. It's really hard for me to focus unless I have things a certain way. It may seem ridiculous to you, but that's just how I am. I don't know what causes it, I just know that it's a part of me. I'm working on it, but if I say stop, I need you to stop. Please."

"....okay. I'm sorry."

Masterlist

[celiastjms]

Episode Three, oh boy, where do I even start? Buckle up friends. This is going to be a long one, also yes, behold! Scenes from a Marriage Spoilers ahead!

I’ve watched the episode five times in the last 24hrs between work and sleep this should give you enough information about how much I loved it.

Mira shows up to Jonathan’s home, their old home with the intention to wow him — which she successfully does, yes, but her clothes, the way she dresses herself and wears her hair, her make up too, it all underlines that she now finally carries to the outside what she had carried around with herself for god knows how long on the inside. She is loud, she is bold, she takes no shit from anyone. She is done making herself small. BUT she isn’t done with Jonathan.

She wants him back. She still loves him. It’s why she is stalling the divorce, signing the papers would make it final. For the moment she gets to hold on to him, to the possibility that MAYBE it isn’t over. Her waiting with the promotion until she has talked to him, asking for his input, underlines as much. She wants him back, she hopes that maybe he would come along to Europe with Ava. She doesn’t dangle the “ We could start fresh, just the three of us. ” In front of him, she plain out asks if he would come. ( Later on she asks if it would change anything for him if Poli wouldn’t come, granted, but I’ll get to that part in a moment. )

What’s interesting to note here, is — and back to her attire we go, that she never takes off her coat. Not even when she huddles under the blanket. It’s a protective measure, a shield if you will. What if she lays herself bare in front of Jonathan and he rejects her? Her realizing he has turned the upstairs bedrooms into rumbled storage only intensifies that fear because those two empty room visualize a gaping hole in both of their lives. So on one side her never taking off her coat works as a protective layer of sorts but at the same time it symbolizes that at any moment, she is ready to leave.

After their failed conversation about London, she makes as much clear when Jonathan who doesn’t want to let her go, keeps offering her wine until she gives in. Him destroying Mira’s truth so easily, poking holes into what she thinks she has realized for herself speaks for him finally being able to call out her bullshit but at the same time he goes at it from the wrong angle, because Mira IS finally free even if she doesn’t find the freedom she claims she has in being alone and detached from everything like she claims she does, she does find her freedom by getting to be herself in a relationship, she doesn’t need to make herself small, she meets Poli head on ( they fight as he states in the phone call but we’ll get to that ), perhaps a bit stronger and with a bit more force than she needs to because she is worried that if she doesn’t then she’ll slip back into old habits and make herself small again. From one extreme into the other.

So Jonathan implying that Mira is lying to herself is right. She is lying to herself. She can’t even acknowledge while she left him in the first place, why their marriage failed and going back to him without doing that means she would fall back into old habits FOR SURE. Her straight out pouring the espresso he made her into the sink for once stating to him directly what she wants while he suggests she wants something else, making a decision for her like he so often has before — mind you he was rightfully miffed because she yawned while he talked about his therapy, signaling a lack of interest with that; was beautiful to see. It’s sad she didn’t communicate more clear with him outside of that moment when she insisted he read his morning pages to her.

Claiming Mira didn’t hope they’d wind up having sex, would be a lie. It’s proof for her, that he still wants her, that he still craves her. She backed down when he told her off even if his rejection did hurt. She tried a second time, but she didn’t push past his no, didn’t try to soften his resolve or press his buttons. She offered to leave instead. He claiming she had missed him too and had thought about him too, wasn’t a lie. In the way she’d struggled to leave in episode two, basically fleeing the house and telling him she’s no longer attracted to him in an effort to hurt him so he won’t stop her, shows that that wasn’t easy for her and that she wasn’t playing him when she said that. Her telling him she’d come this past week only thinking about him was definitely an effort to get what she wanted. An excellent effort, but you know, still only that.

Now I was so proud of Jonathan the entire episode for the progress he had made and for calling Mira out and all that only to watch it go sour within seconds. Why didn’t he just turn off his phone? The concept of a potential girlfriend in his life was as jealous inducing as it was thrilling to Mira, because what if he still chose her even though he had someone he liked and was interested in? The ultimate prove that it wasn’t too late. Until he made sure she heard the call and heard him take a break with her. Then it became real, reminded her that she was potentially pushing him into the role of a cheater.

Him being irritated when she instead of jumping his bones and leaning into his touch, pushes herself away, and walls to the point where she slips back into how things were between them before she left him, drove home how calculating that move of his was.

It becomes worse when he pulls out that voice message. He had this leverage over her this whole time and waited for the perfect opportunity to present it to her. You can tell me what you want, that is fucking calculating. Granted, Mira only told him that Poli was away and didn’t mention any relationship trouble ( but then why would she? ). When she asks if his decision would change if Poli wouldn’t come to London with them, she implies that she would leave him and would want to start fresh with him not directly dangling the “ A fresh start and new surroundings is what we need ” in front of him, but she implies it.

They both played each other incredibly dirty in this episode.

BUT ( and yes of course there is a but ), Jonathan pulls the voice message right after he tells her that what they had was a miracle and that they are THROWING it away, not threw it away, throwing. Present tense, everything he says about them there he says in present tense NOT past tense!!! It’s been a year since they parted and he still holds on to her and he still loves her and he still wants her back and by showing her that voice message of Poli stating that he wouldn’t stop Mira if she were to go back to Jonathan he tells her he knows that it’s no one holding her back but herself.

It’s also what he told her when he asks her what Poli has to do with anything.

And Mira? Telling him he shouldn’t end it and that “ It isn’t unforgivable ” and that maybe she will forgive him? I don’t know if she realizes it, but she is asking him if he could still forgive her.

The utter beauty and absolute tradegy of this episode was that they communicated past each other nearly the entire time.

I cannot wait for next week’s episode. Even if I doubt I’m ready.

[gemaydin]

blog entry 1.11.22

I came home so late last night that they shut the building door on the inside and I had to wait outside for 5-10 min. for my brother to come and open the door. So I am doing the entry in the morning.

I went to my doctor's appointment

I always do it once a month to get my antidepressants and ADHD pills. I truly care about my mental health is stable at least, so this is a big monthly routine for me. After that, I went to school since I always go to university early in Tuesdays to just sit and read.

I like to walk a lot. I would say I am a pretty good walker. Call me an aesthetic bitch but I truly love to put my headphones on, put on some music and just walk around anywhere. I don't like to go out a lot but whenever I do, I walk for at least 30 min. to keep my head better. I hate it when people say 'oh, walk a lot if you have x problem' but it truly helps me with my depression, anxiety, and specially POTS. Cannot walk without having water near me, though. That is a very important thing. If you have POTS, do yourself a favor and get a big water bottle to carry with you everywhere.

If you ask yourself; "where do buses go when they are resting?" I can show you where that is in Istanbul. I sat at the first station and was the first person and the only person for the first 3 stations on the bus. It is always a special moment when you are the only one in a big transportation vehicle. I could have a private driver yet nothing would give me the joy that is to be the only one in a big transportation vehicle.

I couldn't do lots of reading at university since it was club week. Did my queer duty to sign up for the queer club. I looked into other clubs and then ended the club line. I was doing a sneaky stop for a few minutes and then turn around to go somewhere else when my friend saw me and invited me to hang around the student activists group.

This organization was built because my school is a private school and the owners are trying to make it a money machine instead of a learning facility. We don't even have a cafeteria. They had a protest last Thursday -I wanted to go but was working in the family business. They are pretty chill and sweet people as all students who want to get comfortable and accessible school standards. They also make great soup! 12/10 soup, would recommend it!

If you are at Istanbul Bilgi University, you can go and check their table. Walk forward from the clubs and then a bit further than BLAB and you'll see. They're called Bilgili Susmuyor and have an Instagram page also.

Went to my gender and law course

In this course, we talked about matriarchy and discussed whether it happened or not. It was a great talk because it was mostly based on mythology and I love mythology. This course is my time to shine and be a nerd as much as I want and shine while doing it. I talked as much as the professor and the classmates not feeling annoyed about it is amazing!

Talked a lot about neurodivergency!

One thing you should know about me is that I love to teach and learn from people. The best discussions are always when you both learn great things and most importantly insight from each other. Especially in countries like mine, it is even harder to find a doctor that knows DSM-5, let alone use it. Most of them were learned from DSM-3 and now using DSM-4. When you are doing good by society's standards, they don't see your struggles as real and when you are doing bad by society's standards, they are trying to eliminate your neurodivergency instead of teaching you how to cope and heal. I keep spreading the information I know to people around me, seeing their understanding, and teaching them the intersectionality of neurodivergency and social norms. If you are someone like me and sometimes doubt if it is helpful, IT IS. Just yesterday, I taught my friend about it and they learned that they are neurodivergent. They are now seeking medical/psychological help for it. You do not need to change the masses, just one person feeling better than before helps.

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

In My Dreams Tonight

for @chaotic-bard who asked me for some fluff!

have a soulmates that dream about each other au featuring both a modern au and the canon universe!

brought to you by “Dreams Tonite” by Alvvays

---

“You’re nothing but trouble, bard,” the tall man glared from atop his horse. He always seemed to be glaring or glowering or huffing, the man in Jaskier’s dreams. The familiar stranger wore his long white hair pulled halfway back and he had golden eyes, the pupils of which were slit up the center like a cat’s. His name, Jaskier had learned after the third straight week of seeing him every night, was Geralt of Rivia. A Witcher, apparently, whose job it was to hunt down monsters.

“Ah, but what a lovely piece of trouble I am!” Jaskier replies. And he’s rather sassy himself in these dreams. Far more clever and ready to fight than he is when he’s awake. “You would miss me if I left, wouldn’t you, Geralt?”

“Hmm.”

The stranger hums a lot. He glares and he hums. Jaskier’s heart stutters frightfully in his chest whenever the man smiles, though. The sight is rare. Geralt has smiled perhaps three times in the past two months.

“Where are we going today?”

“Werewolf outside of town. You’re staying at the inn, where I know you can’t get into… nevermind. You can get into trouble anywhere.”

There’s a lightly teasing tone to the stranger’s voice that Jaskier hasn’t really heard before. He likes it. He craves more of it. He tosses and turns in his sleep, his skin damp with sweat. The dream goes on.

“Geralt, please,” he whines, “I can’t write ballads about monsters I haven’t seen! Or fights I did not attend! That’s lying to my audience, Geralt, and I simply won’t do it. I must go with you.”

“Drop it, Jaskier,” the man snarls. Jaskier feels sad. Incredibly sad.

Rejected?

“Gera-”

“I said drop it, bard.”

Jaskier wakes up feeling a little heartbroken and he yearns to be held. His pillow holds the fading scents of leather and wood-smoke. The sight of a pine sapling at the dog park makes him tear up.

He starts to wear the color yellow out of nowhere and his taste in jewelry switches from gold to silver. 

When his best friend asks him about the recent changes, he cannot answer.

---

Geralt pours himself a mug of tea and shakes his hair out of his face. He’s been having odd dreams lately, things that feel familiar but manage to stay just out of his conscious grasp. Someone important is waiting for him. Someone he love and cares about and needs. 

Geralt doesn’t really buy into the concept of soulmates, but he does understand instinct. He knows to trust his gut. He knows to listen and start paying attention when the same haunting blue eyes creep into his dreams every night for six months, plaguing him in the waking hours by refusing to give up their owners’ identity. 

He wipes a hand down his face and sighs loudly into the otherwise empty studio apartment. “Fuck me, I gotta figure this shit out. I gotta talk to Yen.”

Talking to himself has always helped him calm down. He does it again, just to hear his own low voice scraping through the silence. 

“I gotta see what’s going on with my head. These dreams are… getting to be a bit much, even for me.”

He nods to no one in particular and goes to text his best friend and coworker.

---

Jaskier hops off the bus and carries his guitar case down to the coffee shop on the corner. Finally, he’s managed to get a gig that wasn’t through the university.

He sets up his stuff in the tiny alcove the shop treats as a stage and watches as a few customers stroll around near the counter, waiting for their drinks or reading through the menu, hovering just far away enough from the line to keep others from growing confused.

He loves people watching. 

Once everything is ready to go and the light outside the window has dimmed a bit, indicating early evening has finally arrived, he pulls his guitar onto his lap and strums through a few quick chords.

“Rode here on the bus,

Now you're one of us.

It was magic hour,

Counting motorbikes on the turnpike;

One of Eisenhower's.”

 “Live your life on a merry-go-round;

Who starts a fire just to let it go out?”

He watches a particularly handsome man with broad shoulders and a vintage denim jacket approach the counter. Jaskier adds a haunting, well-practiced lilt to his voice as he goes into the chorus, hoping to get his attention:

“If I saw you on the street,

Would I have you in my dreams tonight?

If I saw you on the street,

Would I have you in my dreams tonight, tonight?”

An equally beautiful woman with long, curly black hair approaches the denim-clad angel and whisks him towards a table nearby. She settles with her back to Jaskier, leaving him with a decent view of the man’s sharp, lightly stubbled jaw, glittering eyes, and severe white ponytail. He’s gorgeous.

He’s also uncomfortably familiar.

Jaskier continues to perform, trying to identify his attractive mystery man the whole time and failing miserably.

---

“He’s everywhere, Yen. I feel like I could identify him by scent if I got close enough. I can’t remember his name, though. Or the color of his hair. I don’t know his face, only his eyes. It’s driving me crazy.”

“Have you talked to Dr. deStael about it?”

“Yeah, but she said this kind of thing is normal. Recurring dreams often help us sort out our trauma or something like that. I don’t know. I don’t feel traumatized by this guy I feel… protective of him. Maybe even like I love him?”

“Hmm.”

“Hey, that’s my line.”

“Shut up for a minute, this live music actually slaps and I want to listen to it. Then we can discuss your weird possessive tendencies towards your dream boyfriend.”

Geralt takes a slow sip of his coffee and glances up at the singer off to their left, perched on a barstool with his guitar held carefully on his lap. His voice is soft but somehow bright. Geralt finds himself utterly entranced.

“On the weird guitar;

Said you'd go to work

In the waking hour.

In fluorescent light,

Antisocialites watch a wilting flower.”

 “Live your life on a merry-go-round;

Who builds a wall just to let it fall down?”

The lyrics are strange and hold a dream-like quality to them. They draw a picture in Geralt’s head, something dark and heavy and oddly hollow. He has another sip of coffee and tries to ignore the feeling of panic welling up inside him. He glances at Yennefer to see if she’s picked up on his mood, but her violet eyes are focused on the singer and his nimble fingers as he continues to play and sing.

When he glances up towards their table and their eyes meet, Geralt loses the ability to breathe.

That shade of cornflower blue was…

Couldn’t be…

Had to be…

The gorgeous, feathery tenor continues to fill the air, whirling pleasant notes past his ears and deep into his subconscious. Geralt knows that voice. He’s heard this man laugh and sing and cry and scream a thousand different times. Through a handful of different lives. Geralt knows that face, those hands, those strong legs and long arms and blue fucking eyes. He’s held this singer in his arms every night for centuries, feeling his breathing as they both drift off to sleep.

He has protected this man and been protected by him in return. He has kissed and been kissed, caressed and been caressed. The two men sitting across from each other in the coffee shop physically embody an endless cycle of love. It has been bound up in the souls of two no-longer strangers. Geralt knows that he knows this man. 

He knows Jaskier.

Petal pink lips continue to form soft words and slender hands keep plucking at vibrating guitar strings:

“Don't sit by the phone for me,

Wait at home for me, all alone for me.

Your face was supposed to be

Hanging over me, like a rosary.”

Geralt stands suddenly, startling Yennefer but not the performer, even though he’s clearly just as shocked as Geralt about this recent development.

Their mutual realization.

“So morose for me,

Seeing ghosts of me,

Writing oaths to me,

Is it so naïve to wonder…”

Geralt crosses the room to the edge of the stage in three quick strides. Yennefer is close behind him, her latte just as abandoned as his coffee at their table. She grabs her friend’s arm as if to stop him from doing something violent, but when he doesn’t struggle against her grip she lets it go again easily. 

“Geralt?” the musician asks.

“Jaskier?” Geralt replies. The guitar is placed quickly to the side and a pair of incredibly familiar arms are thrown around the taller man’s neck. Geralt hugs back just as firmly, his arms flung low around the brunette’s waist. Geralt knows that this is Jaskier’s favorite way to be embraced; he doesn’t know how he’s aware of that fact, but it comes to the front of his mind clear as day. 

“Holy shit,” Jaskier breathes, leaning back to stare Geralt in the face. One of his string-calloused fingers traces down over Geralt’s eyelid and cheek and he cocks his head to the side. “No scar?”

“No,” Geralt shakes his head. “Not this lifetime, I guess.”

“Were we? Are we- are we, you know...?”

“Yeah,” Yen beams, adding her two cents from the sidelines. “I think so. Congrats, boys. This is one of those one in a million chances and you’ve gone and done it.”

“Done what?” Geralt asks. Jaskier tosses his head back and laughs. His happiness rings out through the cafe like a struck bell and Geralt’s heart stutters frantically. He really does love this man already. Wholeheartedly and without fear. “What have we done, Yen?”

“As obtuse now as you were then,” Jaskier chides affectionately. “Soulmates, my love. We’ve been bound by the red string of fate and ta-da! Here we are. Again, apparently.”

“Yes, okay,” Geralt breathes, nosing his way along Jaskier’s jaw with giddy determination. He presses a quick and wholly welcome kiss to the bard’s lips. “That makes sense.”

 “Do you... do you want me again? This time around?” Jaskier asks, fingers fiddling with one of the ties on Geralt’s hoodie. A pair of chapped lips press against his again and he sighs into it, melting against his no-longer-Witcher. 

“Yes. And the next one, as well.”

[linkspooky]

Kunikida + Oda: Death of a Good Man

While Kunikida and Oda have never met in canon they are characters with a lot in common. They both essentially play the same role, as the moral center of their respective groups (particularly acting as a conscience for Dazai). They both share the same strengths and weaknesses. However, one lives and one dies. MORE UNDER THE CUT. 

1. Relationship with Dazai

Dazai is a character who has trouble seeing himself as a person. That is, he doesn’t see himself as the same as everyone else. (His ability is titled No Longer Human, surprise, surprise). Oda says as much to Dazai, that traditional values like good or evil don’t really mean that much to him. 

“Whether you’re on the side that takes lives, or the side that saves them nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander for eternity.” 

...

“Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, then choose to be a good person.” - Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

It’s not that Dazai is a sociopath, or even unfeeling, it’s just that he is so distanced from his own humanity, and from other people. He genuinely believes he can’t feel the same way as they do. Dazai even described the way he saw himself to Fyodor. 

Dazai tells Fyodor that he feels like he’s sperate from everyone else. It’s like he’s the player, and everybody else is pieces on the game board. But, even though he might come up with strategies and move the pieces, he’s not really the one changing things, or affecting other people’s lives because he’s not right there in the middle of things he’s far away. 

Dazai even flashes back to Oda and Gide’s final showdown when trying to explain this feeling to Fyodor. Oda his closest and only friend at the time, who he could not reach out to and save. Dazai believes he can’t touch other people, he can’t reach out and save them, because he sees himself as lacking in feelings or a heart. Which is why, Dazai relies on the people around him. Dazai attached himself to Oda when he was in the Mafia, and then again to Kunikida when he was detective agency to essentially act as his heart, his external conscience for him. That’s the relationship he shares with both of them. It’s why the first two light novels are essentially about Dazai, but narrated from the point of view of his partner at the time. Light novel one is about his partnership with Kunikida, and Light Novel 2 is about his friendship with Oda back in the dark age. The connection between them is that both Oda, and Kunikida are good, just men who have tried to understand Dazai in one way or another. 

The events of both light novels even mirror each other to an extent. Entrance exam is about Dazai joining the agency, Dark Era is about Dazai leaving the mafia. Entrance exam is about Kunikida failing to understand Dazai, but learning to trust him anyway. Dark Era is about Oda being the only one who fully understands Dazai, but then not listening to him at the end of the story. They both end with a symbolic death, Oda commits double suicide with Gide, whereas Kunikida pretends to shoot Dazai in order to follow his plan. 

Dazai’s a master strategist, but he’s not a leader of men, nor does he have any particular ideals he stands for. Dazai was given a position of leadership within the port mafia, and not only did he spend the entire time tormenting his closest subordinate but he didn’t care about the lives of his subordinates the way Chuuya does. 

Dazai sees Kunikida as someone having the ideals he does not have, therefore doing what he cannot, and being what he cannot be to others. This is a role Oda used to serve as his one and only friend. However, while they occupy the same spot as Dazai’s most trusted person their relationships with him are very different.

Kunikida is very combative with Dazai and always fighting against him. He personally expects Dazai to be better in all aspects. He scolds him for being lazy and neglecting his work. When Dazai messes with other people or manipulates them, it’s Kunikida who is the first to get frustrated with him. Kunikida also, tends to lack a fundamental understanding of Dazai. It’s a running joke that he’s always a step behind him (he’s the last person to find out Dazai was a mafia member when everyone else already knew). The literal first thing established about their relationship in the first chapter, is that they are constantly fighting with each other. They barely make it through a dinner with Atsushi. 

However, Kunikida also listens to Dazai when it’s important. It’s the other way around with Oda, Oda is someone who does fundamentally understand who Dazai really is deep down. However, at the same time Oda doesn’t really try to exert any influence over Dazai until the very end of his life. Their relationship was defined by being distant to one another, and not asking questions.

The reason why Ango and I were able to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside it no matter how close we stood. 

But in that moment, I kind of regretted not stepping in and invading that solitude.

Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era. 

 Him, Ango and Dazai could only keep meeting as the Buraiha at the Lupin bar if they pretended to not know anything about what each other did outside of the bar. They’re different in one main aspect, Kunikida fights Dazai, and Oda doesn’t start fighting until it’s almost far too late. 

2. Living and Dying for One’s Ideals

One more direct parallel between the two is that Kunikida and Oda are both characters who strive to live up to the ideal they find in a book. Literally. Kunikida obsessively writes out his ideals in his notebook where he has his whole future planned out.

What are ideals? There are innumerable answers to that question. One could say it’s merely a term, or an idea, or perhaps even the soruce of all meaning. But if you ask me, the answer is obvious. It’s the word written on the cover of my notebook.  My notebook has all the answers. It is my creed, my master, and a prophet that guides me. At times, it can either be a weapon ro a solution. Ideals. Everything I am is written in this notebook which I always carry with me. My entire future lies within it - Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam

Oda picked up a book and loved it so much he wanted to write the ending for himself.

After worrying about it for so long, I came to one conclusion.  “Then you write what happens next.” I decided to write about it myself. I would become a novelist, and write a story about why the man stopped killing. But to become a novelist, I needed to sincerely know what it meant to live. So, I stopped killing. -   Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era. 

Kunikida and Oda are both characters who find their will to live for the future within the pages of a book. Which makes sense as both characters struggle with lofty ideals and a harsh reality. Oda and Kunikida are characters written about the struggle to be a good man, in a world that is not good. To hold ideals, in a world that is not ideal. This once again ties back to what Dazai said to Fyodor, God isn’t perfect harmony, he’s illogical and absurd.

The world isn’t ideal and orderly. It’s extremely, extremely messy. Kunikida and Oda are both characters who strive to be better, and want the world to be better and because of that they fall into conflict. However, Oda lost his fight, and Kunikida is still fighting. Part of why Dazai got so attached to Kunikida is also because he saw Oda’s ideals within Kunikida, and knew that carrying those ideals could crush him so easily. 

“Justice is a weapon. It can be used to harm, but it cannot protect and save others.”  -Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exams

The meanings of Dazai’s words are clear when you look at them in the context of what he learned after losing Oda. Oda decided to throw his life away to avenge the children after Gide. He achieved justice then. However, nobody was saved. The children were already dead. Oda himself wasn’t saved. Dazai lost his only friend. 

“Something?” I looked at Dazai. “There isn’t anything, Dazai. It’s all over. Everything. Whatever else happens now is meaningless - just like I’m about to do. AM I wrong?”  “Odasaku...” Dazai said softly. “Forgive me for the absurd wording but - don’t go. Find something to rely on. Expect good things to happen from here on out. There’s gotta be soemthing...”

[...]

Oda’s march against Gide isn’t just tragic, it’s a deliberate choice. It was a suiide. He’s given several oppurtunities to just walk away, or wait for something else to give him a reason to live and he doesn’t. His final actions hurt more than they helped. Yes, he did save Dazai in a way by throwing his life away, but Dazai also lost the person who could understand him. Oda could have lived. He could have done more if he had lived. Dazai even says so in dead apple, saving people is the more beautiful path, but you have to be alive to see that beauty. 

This is also why Kunikida and Oda have such a connection to Dazai. Underneath their struggles to be a good man they are both constantly dealing with suicidal feelings. 

Kunikida is far more fragile than he lets on. Part of the reason he attaches himself to ideals rather than people, is because caring about people hurts, and he is so afraid of failing the people in his life (the same way Oda eventually failed to protect the children) that he can’t admit the depth to which he cares about them.

Kunikida struggles to save everyone in front of him, but that’s also because Kunikida is internally someone who is very fragile. He can’t handle the loss, especially losing those he is close to. When Atsushi is hospitalized after his first fight with Akutagawa, he pretends to be unconcerned. When Atsushi wants to save Kyoka, Kunikida tries to persuade him to not save her. Oda and Kunikida are both avoidant characters, Oda avoided ever stepping inside of Dazai’s loneliness, and Kunikida avoids getting close to others because they fear the people they cannot save. Kunikida cares so much and so deeply, that he’s completely shattered when he fails someone. 

Every strategy by the detective agency’s enemies relies on crushing Kunikida because he’s the easiest target. When he fails like this he wants to give up. Kunikida and Oda have this dark underside to their actions where they’re fighting continually to be better, but when they fail, they long to throw their lives away and give up the struggle. 

Part of the reason they’re attracted to Dazai is deep down Kunikida and Oda both have the same suicidal feelings. Kunikida knows that his ideals will never live up to the reality. 

However, secretly he longs to fail so he won’t have to struggle against it anymore. 

“I let go of Dazai. I understand what he’s aying. Perhaps righteousness isn’t something you seek in others, but something you search for inside of yourself. Even then... Miss Sasaki is dead, and so is Rokuzo.  All I’ve found in my search for righteousness within myself is a sense of hopelessness.”

Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam

The question is can you continue to live? Even if you fail over and over again to do better. Even if the things you try to protect all die. Kunikida’s arc so far mirrors Oda’s. The things he told himself he would protect, he failed to. The promises he made, he breaks. He said he was never going to watch a child die in front of him, and then it happens. 

He said he was never going to fail to protect the agency again, but then the agency became the victims of the hunting dogs, and Kunikida had to go completely on the run. He said he was going to throw himself away in a big bang against the hunting dogs to show his ideals would never fail, and instead.

He even loses his ideals and his ability to write in the notebook. So, what is the difference between Kunikida and Oda that allows Kunikida to keep struggling where Oda did not. I think it’s not really a difference between them, so much as it’s a difference between Dazai. Dazai’s grown since then and realized his mistakes with Oda, and because of that doesn’t stay at a comfortable distance from Kunikida.

Dazai has grown enough between then and now he’s able to reach people who feel similiarly to him. He understood the suicidal feelings of both Kunikida, and Oda, but he didn’t reach out to Oda until it was too late. However, Dazai has grown to the point where he not only understands Kunikida’s struggle and sympathizes with him, but he’s also able to say the words he couldn’t say to Oda until it was too late. 

There’s no such thing as a point of no return. There is no point where everything is already over. Even if you fail to protect someone, even if you fail to protect everyone. 

"Anything I would never want to lose will be lost. It is given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it. There's nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging life of suffering."

Dazai is still the same person that said this. Deep down that’s what Kunikida and Oda both fear, that after Oda failed the orphans, that after Kunikida could not save an innocent child in front of them, that no matter how hard they fought all of their attempts to protect someone would fail that way. At which point their fighting seemed to become meaningless.

Dazai knowing those feelings has moved past that lament. He still believes that the struggle may be meaningless, but he reassures them that they can keep fighting anyway. 

If there’s no great glorious ideal to live for, if nothing we do matters, than all that matters is what we do. The world isn’t good, the world will never be as good as we want it to be, yet Kunikida can still strive to be good in the face of that.