#william miller angst

[romanarose]

For the Longest Time: Chloe's birth

Will Miller x fem!OC (Lorelei Giang)

Summary: Lorelei gives birth to their daughter

Warnings: Childbirth, typical Lore and WIll back and forth

Series MAsterlist (series is completed, will comtinue soon with Ben's story.)

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist :Playlist

*************

She was going to fucking kill him.

Lorelei had told Will over and over again, she wasn't going to really need him for much with the birth. She'd assisted in hundreds of births, she knew the drill. She was going be fine. Everything was normal in her pregnancy, absolutely no cause for concern, and her epidural had kicked in. Her mom, of course, had words to say about getting an epidural but she didn't give a shit. Mirical of childbirth, the pain is worth it, natural, all that is fine and dandy if you're into it, but Lorelei just wanted her dughter here and painlessly as possible. It seemed Chloe Sen was not an axious to come, however, and took and extra 4 days past her due dare to cook to the perfect medium rare, Lorelei supossed.

Lorelei had been confined to paperwork by this point, her swollen ankles having caused issues the last month and now... well Frankly she was waddling. So, desk work and intake it was.

When her water finally broke, she was at work and called Will.

"Hey princess, everything okay?" Will answered, his mouth full of food. She heard Santi in the background, which explained the food; Laci was always feeding them.

"Yeah I'm fine, just my water broke."

"WHat?!"

"Yeah I'm going into labor, I need you to get my bag-"

"IM COMING RIGHT OVER"

She sighed, listening to him tell Laci and Santi it was time, and hearing Laci squeel in the background. "No, William, baby I'm fine but I need my to go bag-"

"I'll have Santi get it, I'm picking you up we have to go to a hospital!"

"William."

"Yeah?"

"I'm at work."

"I know, that's why I'm coming to get you-"

"Baby I work in a hospital."

She had Will run home seeing as he was a 5 minute drive from their house anyway, then get to the hospital where now they sat, contractions speeding up. Will was hovering and it was driving her nuts. His role was to put on her playlist: Buddy Holly, Ella Fitzgarald, the Shrangri-la's, Humphrey Englebert, all her favorites, and advocate for her that the birth plan was being followed. Other than that, she was certain she'd be fine.

Still, the constant talking, petting her, cooing at her like a baby and telling her how good she's doing was driving up insane.

"Breath in."

"Will"

"Breath out."

"William, I will start screaming."

"Well, at least scream when I say out."

That got a laugh out of her, she'd admit. But she still turned to him. "If you don't stop telling me what to do, I swear to god I will have you removed from this room."

She wouldn't do that to actually, and he knew that, but Will raised his hands, chuckling in defense. "Fine, fine. Just promise to breath."

Two hours later she was breathing alright. She was breathing as she screamed curses at him. "I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ARE NEVER FUCKING ME AGAIN! FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Why did she had to get knocked up by a fucking norse god? Kid's head was ripping her open. Jesus, why didn't she get an elective c-section. So many poor choices.

"I know Lorelei, I'm the worse. Tell me all about it." His even voice was something to latch onto through the pain. What the fuck was this without an epidural?

"YOU AND YOUR STUPID MASSIVE GENES!"

"Yes yes, definetly my fault. What else."

"YOUR SO FUCKING POLITE!"

"Women do complain about that aspect frequently. I'm working on it."

"I AM GOING TO CUT OFF YOUR DICK!"

There was a pause as she pushed, the head crowning.

"Princess?"

"WHAT?!?!?!?!"

His fingers grazed her knuckles, and she realized her nails were digging into her palms. She turned to him, looking at his handsome, beautiful face and soft blue eyes. God she got lucky to find someone who knows when to match her crazy and when to calm it. Imagine if she'd getting pregnant by Tyler? He'd probably be watching porn on his phone like she caught one baby daddy doing. "Can I hold your hand?"

Lorelei's lip quivered as she nodded. Will took her hand in his, squeezing for dear life as a big contraction hit. She liked hearing his voice praising her. She needed him, and always would, and for some reason that didn't scare her.

*

She was perfect. Born at an insane 9 pounds even, Chloe Sen Miller was the cutest little thing Lorelei had ever seen in her life. Lore and Will were squeezed onto the bed together, Will holding the baby after Lorelei had gotten her share. She laid her head on his shoulder, ready to nap. He had this. She trusted him.

"She's so small..." He murders, mesmerized by his daughter. Lorelei laughs.

"yeah to you. You didn't have to push her out."

Will turned to her at that, smiling fondly. "You were incredible."

"I know." She kissed his arm. "But thank you."

"I'll tell them to go home. I know they just wanna make sure you're okay, they aren't expecting to come in."

But Lorelei shook her head. "Bring them in." Then added. "Just a few minutes."

Soon, the room was filled with the people Lorelei had come to see as her family. Jana and Laci with matching baby bumps, both only a few months behind her. Laci clinged to Santi's hand, everyone allowing her the one chair in the room while Frankie tried to get another one for Jana, but Jana insisted she was fine. Laci was looking thinner than usual. The couple had to cut their honeymoon short when health problems arose, Laci dropping weight and experiencing complications. Her struggles clearly weighed on Santi, who looked tired but held his wife's hand tightly. She knew what they were thinking, worrying this moment might not come for them. Laci was on bedrest, only able to go easy places like coming here. Still, both smiled at the newst addition to their family's arival.

"She's so cute, Lorelei." Laci says in a soft voice, eyes wet.

Santi hugged Will, telling him so happy for them.

Frankie brought Rosie close to the bed, telling her to be careful as she looked at her first cousin. "You gotta be nice, babygirl. None of that rugrats Angelica nonsense."

"Hey!" Lorelei protested. "I loved Angelica!"

Jana told her that wasn't surprising.

Lorelei turned to Rosie. "In a few weeks, you can even hold her, okay? Get practice for being a baby sister."

Rosie beamed. "Did you know my mommy's having a baby?"

"Whaaaat! No way!"

Jana sees Ben lurking quietly behind them all, and pulls Rosie back.

Ben, Like Laci and Santi, looked thinner. His eyes had dark circles and his skin lost it's golden tone. No summer highlghts in his hair as usual. Will watched his brother, barely recognizable, and certainly not himself. Cameron arrived in 2 weeks, and Ben still didn't know.

"Benny? Do you wanna hold you niece?"

Despite barely being there, Ben nodded, looking with wonder at the bundle in his brothers arms raising up to him. Will watched Ben held her for the first time, taking him into his gentle care, the way he knew from years of holding Rosie, of helping take care of her when things were bad and Frankie was coked out... Ben's eyes filled with tears as he said hi to her.

"Chloe Sen, meet uncle Benny"

***

We gotta give Benny something to fight for <3 A reason to get better, to know he deserves better than Alice. Like Dolli said, he loves rosie ofc, but seeing his own blood, his brothers kid... has to give him something.

This came from a scene in my head I thought it'd be funy if lore is a work and were water breaks and Will is freaking out and shes like baby im fine im literally at a hospital rn

It is SO VERY Lorelei to think she can handle everything... but Will is there because even if she CAN doesn't mean she SHOULD. He's gonna take care of his girl (now girls)<3

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @kirsteng42

[l0caltiredgirl]

when i want fluff/angst fics and all i’m getting is smut

the struggle is real

[luffyssa]

i got bored so here's a meme

[ellabscrush]

— play with my pussy, not my heart.

a/n; this has been an idea in my head for awhile but kept scrapping it, hopefully this is alr. btw my requests are opennn.

𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫!𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

cw; smut, mdni, fingering, reader has a nervous habit that might triggering, dom!reader, flirting, language, slap kink once, arguing, abby is a dick here lol, trust issues, angst?? lmk if i missed any!!

sypnosis; your well known girlfriend who has a reputation of being a player finally decides to settle into a serious relationship with you. aware of your girlfriend’s past, abby’s project partner comes to intervene with your thoughts & worries. back and forth arguing isn’t going anywhere, you had to show her other ways on who not to mess with.

— ˚ෆ ⋅˚ —

“it’s just a small study sesh baby, nat even agreed to do it at our apartment!” abby walks towards you as she hovers over, “so no need to worry, ‘kay?”

she caresses your face and pecked your lips.

nat, aka natasha ferreira, is apart of western university’s dance team. you’ve seen her around before wearing white flowy skirts and layered jewelry. you once heard her talking about how her parents got a brand new bmw for her quinceañera.

i guess there was nothing to hate about her, other than the fact she is gorgeous and very talented with her dancing. this was just another one of your stupid overthinking.. right?

“okay abs.. thank you,” you gave her a soft smile.

“that’s my best girl.”

besides, trust was the thing you both had been working on these past months. dating abby was going to be a challenge. you knew it and your friends knew it. though they weren’t too supportive with her intentions at first, you were convinced abby could change her acts if she reallyy tried.

three knocks suddenly interrupted your little conversation. abby sprinted to the door and opens it to find a joyful figure in front of her.

nat gasps, “abby! this is my first time seeing you outside of uni,” she smiles with excitement.

abby smiled back and leaned for a hug, leaving you to stare at them with a lump of jealousy in your throat.

— ˚ෆ ⋅˚ —

one minute you were next to abby, and then the second the brunette is touching forearms besides her with those stupid doe eyes, glossed lips, and weirdly seductive black platform heels. god she’s annoying.

“your handwriting is shit!” the brunette teased, giggling as she leans to abby.

“yeah?” your girlfriend chuckles, “this is what you get for choosing me as your partner.”

nat shrugs, “well then i can deal with it.”

you tried so hard to not be bitter. really you did. but each time you glance at the two across the kitchen island, you swore the both of them were doing this shit on purpose.

sudden eye contacts with you everytime they laughed together, unrelated conversations, and some flirty remarks. oh, and not to mention the obvious footsies that was happening under the table. like you can literally see it.

“fuck me..” you muttered.

“what’s that princess?” abby asks you, the nickname made nat changed her demeanor quickly.

you turned back to meet nat’s eyes, then to abby, and back to nat.

“nothin’ love,” you put a convincing smile.

three hours long night full of giggling and jokes you didn’t even get later on.. you find yourself yelling back and forth in your shared bedroom with abby who literally couldn’t understand where you were coming from.

abby groans, “goddamnit we talked about this!”

“i never did anything to her, you were literally infront of us,” she raised her voice.

“abs, she deadass rubbed her foot on your leg multiple times and leaned to you everytime you both laughed..”you went on, getting more frustrated by the minute.

“well.. we’re just having a little fun, is that romantic to you?” abby asks with her hand crossed to her chest, her facial expression screams ‘you’re being crazy.’

you were exhausted trying to find ways to communicate without bringing up abby’s past, like you both agreed to. however, your concerns shouldn’t supposed to end in argument. you shook your head, letting out a long sigh and sat on the edge of the bed.

“i- i don’t know abby,” you stammered, “i guess it is romantic when they do the things i do to you.. since i am yours.”

you gazed down at your feet with teary eyes while unaware as you were digging your nails into your thighs. this was a nervous habit of yours in which you don’t realize you have been doing it for so long. your girlfriend, however, does.

she slowly walks closer to the edge of the bed and kneeled down to your eye level.

“you are mine.” her voice sounding more reassuring and softer like you could faint at that moment.

“i thought you could’ve been better for me..” you sniffled

abby panicks once she realizes you were crying, “baby no.. fuck i’m trying..”

“trying?” you looked up.

the blonde sighs, “will. i will be better.”

she moved your hands from your thighs with one hand, while other pushes your head closer to hers for a deep kiss. more so, a sloppy one. she wipes your cheeks and the kisses started from sweet, to mean in a heartbeat. abby stroked you waist, making you clench you thighs together.

abby smirks, “you turned on princess?” she asks and you just whimpered in response, “fuck.. i gotta wake up early tomorrow.”

knowing your girlfriend has plans tomorrow morning, this sparked an idea in your head. abby can become a submissive mess when you’re in charge. so you decide to show her other ways who not to play with, and whose pussy she can only play with!

“so?” you replied in between kisses, “don’t want me to scream your name tonight?”

.. besides, making her miss out a big free brunch with her friends the next day will be an added punishment you thought.

the blonde smiles and throws you to the middle of the bed, causing you to squeal from the unexpected move. abby aggressively pulls down your shorts and underwear. your wet slick was ready for her.

“look at you all ready for me,” she circles her thumb on your lips slowly, “gotta fuck that jealousy out quick or else i’ll be late tomorrow, princess.”

you smiled maliciously in response as you bite your lip. abby then shoves her two fingers inside your mouth, “open.”

she pumps her ring and middle finger in and out. being all soaked in your drool making it wet enough to fit in your pussy. the sounds of your whimpers made her go crazy. you shut your eyes feeling abby’s cold, drenched fingers sliding inside.

your body shuttered, “s-shit baby..”

the sounds of your wet pussy is practically making abby drool.

“feels so fuckin’ good, keep going,” you ordered keeping a strong eye contact with the blonde, “just like that..”

“that fucking pussy,” abby whispers, you licked your lips looking down at her fat fingers going in and out, “you needy whore,” she degrades.

her words were like fire and heaven at the same time. you wouldn’t be so pissed off at her if she hadn’t let nat be all over her for three hours straight. now it’s your job to remind her whose pussy she can fuck. and the only one.

you let out an airy laugh, “i’m the whore hm? atleast i wasn’t flirting with another bitch,” she looks up at your face. you were trying to keep your composure while being mercilessly fucked.

you sat yourself up with elbows on the mattress, “you proud of yourself huh?” just inches away from her stupid smirk.

“faster,” you demanded.

she curled her fingers inside of you, hitting your g spot like a pro. you can help but let out a moan and rocked your hips in rhythm. that smirk of hets turned to an amazed expression once she hears your juices sloshing around.

“fuck baby,” abby was practically drenched under her pjs wanting to taste you, “p-please need to taste you.”

“nuh uh, you’re being mean all day. you don’t, f-fuck, deserve me.”

abby was desperate just by hearing you speak like this. you’re such an angel around her normally, like when she first met you, you were different than the other girls she had met before. she fell for you. but damn that mouth of yours was killer in bed.

the rare times you controlled her was only when you were pissed off at your girlfriend for the amount of disrespectful flirting that was happening in front of you, or not giving you updates on what she’s doing with her girl friends. however, you can’t blame yourself for having mixed trust issues knowing how many girlfriends abby has had.

maybe you’ve been too patient with her? letting shit go so easily?

“shit- c’mere” you groaned and kissed her viciously at the thought of her fucking another girl. one hand around her neck while the other grips her loose hair.

“mmm, keep going..” you moaned in her mouth.

abby rubs your clit, feeling your juices squirting all over her thighs, “p-please baby.. lemme clean you up” she begs to lick your folds but you resisted.

you slapped her cheek, her needy face turning red.

“shut up,” you growled, “better stop messing around.. i deserve fuckin’ better.”

abby whimpers, putting her head back in frustration. she then looks down to see you, a dripping pussy drunk mess. her fingers were sticky and all tired. however, she’s not stopping until she screams your name.

“atleast say my name when you cum,” she pleaded, “please.”

her voice made you feel every type of way. your thighs starting to heat up, a familiar feeling as you have had fucked yourself with the thought of her in the past. pounding noises as you thrust your hips on to her fingers harder puts many heated scenes in your head.

“abby.. oh my god- m’ fucking cumming..”

“that’s my girl, ride daddy’s dick,” she encourages you.

an orgasm was washing over you, “abby you’re mine. fuck- ah-“ you burried your face in the crooks of her neck.

“all yours baby, i’m sorry.” she kissed all over your shoulder, genuinely feeling bad that she didn’t give you the reassurance you wanted earlier.

“abs- fuckfuckfuck,” you screamed out, screaming her name loud enough the apartment below could hear you, “i hate you so much..”

“i love you princess.. love it when i make you cum..” she admits. your legs shaking like crazy, feeling overstimulated.

you know how that goes..

once you orgasmed, you let abby suck her fingers, tasting every bit of yourself. and just like that, you were laying down with a fast pounding in your chest. she caresses your stomach and kissed all over your body, still needing to feel you more. but knew you needed her the most.

“hey, you okay?” she asked softly, looking at your sleepy eyes. she just wanted the both of you to be good. “i’m fine.. just a little tired. i feel like you don’t know how badly it hurts me to see you purposely being all over people like that.”

abby sighs, knowing she fucked up. she didn’t want to be that person anymore. she loved you, really, but her actions just aren’t the thinkable. you both sleep skin to skin while she stays up to watch you fall deep in your sleep.

“i love you, angel.” she whispers. feeling all the guilt in her chest, your girlfriend pulls you in closer.

of course, she had to make it up to you the next day so she cancelled all plans. it’s not like she got up in time anyway.

well now you both know she won’t ever be doing that shit again.

— ˚ෆ ⋅˚ —

[elliespassagerprincess]

house wife reader x mean ellie 👀 ellie works long hours on the weekdays and takes out all of her anger on her docile wife who cooks all her meals, does all of her laundry, cleans the entire house, and make sure ellie’s satisfied 24/7.

Satisfied - (ellie williams x housewife reader)

hi anon! mean ellie? hell yeah. I hope you don't mind, but I added my own twist. I hope you enjoy &lt;3

Pairing: mean ellie x housewife fem!reader

requests are open, feel free to leave one!

HUGE warnings: toxic relationships, murder, gore, violence

Summary: in which you were the perfect housewife

authors note: I'm literally trying to empty out my request inbox, so be ready because there's a bunch of fics coming your way!

"so when last have you seen her?" The police officer asked as he sat across you.

"well she went out yesterday and she never came back"

you saw him look at you and Ellie's house as he was taking notes.

"Any arguments?"

"No"

once again you saw the pen write something on some paper. You wanted to know what exactly he was writing about.

What was talking him so long? You wanted him to fucking leave.

"Thank you for answering these questions, we'll call if we need anything else" the officer said as he stood up.

"Thank you for your hard work! Do I need to walk you out?" You asked with smile

"no, I'll show myself out" was all he said as he walked towards the front door.

As soon as he was out of sight you got up and ran to window to check if he was gone. You watched his car pull out the driveway, and you let out a sigh of relief.

fucking finally.

You ran to you and Ellie's shared room, and between heavy breathes you said "she almost caught us baby".

You walked towards the bed, where Ellie's decomposing body lay. Flies circled her body, her skin was pale and cold to the touch.

You put some of her hair behind her ear "it's ok now, they'll never catch us" you whispered

You loved Ellie. And you would anything for you. Anything including quitting your job and becoming her housewife.

In the beginning you hated it, staying home, cooking, cleaning. But when Ellie praised you, you fucking loved it.

And soon after you became the stereotypical housewife. Cute outfits, aprons that matched whatever you wore. You always woke up before her, to prepare her favorite breakfast. You cooked her dinner.

You fucking did everything.

The two of you were happy. Until Ellie got a promotion. She got more work, the pressure was getting worse for the poor girl.

Ellie came home late and most nights she barley even slept. You tried supporting your wife as best you could. You tried cleaning the house before she came come. You did all her laundry, you even chose her outfits most days.

But it was never enough for her.

One night you cooked Ellie's favorite meal. A prideful smile was on your lips as you put the plate in front of her.

This would cheer her up. You knew it would.

Ellie glanced down at the plate, and she looked back at you. The dark circles under her eyes looked even darker than they did yesterday.

"You are so fucking pathetic" she started.

"I work all fucking day to come to this shit? And look, this table is dusty" she added.

Ellie got up from where she was sitting and she threw the plate filled with food onto the floor. "You have cleaning to do, and don't fucking serve this shit again" she walked out of the dining room and you sat there mouth agape.

This was the first time she's ever said anything like that to you. You sobbed in the kitchen that night. You felt sick to your stomach.

Everything you did was for Ellie and for the first time she wasn't satisfied with you.

Your main mission in life became to serve. To serve her. But what do you do when the one you did everything for, wasn't satisfied?

The next morning you woke up bright and early, and you cooked Ellie a widespread of breakfast. Fruit salad, bacon, eggs pancakes and so much more decorated the table.

You heard the bedroom door open and you saw her walk out, she glanced at the table

"I'm not hungry" was all she said and she walked out the front door.

You were shattered.

Since that day everything you did was wrong.

You couldn't clean right.

Her fingers ran along the cupboard, and she looked at you with a frown.

"Can you not clean right? Should i get a maid? Because you cant do shit"

you couldn't do the laundry right.

you stood in the doorway watching Ellie fit on her suit. She looked herself in the mirror before she made eye contact with you.

"It's still wrinkled and there's a stain" she pointed out.

"fix it" was all she said before she threw the clothes on the floor.

You couldn't even cook right.

Ellie only had one spoon of her food before she pushed her plate to the side

"what's wrong?" you asked

"this is disgusting"

it hurts. Every insult Ellie hurled at you hurt.

You knew she was stressed but it didn't give her the right to take her stress out on you.

One night you tried talking to Ellie. But she didn't want to. She didn't have energy for this.

"Don't you have a house to clean? Oh wait you can't even do that right" she said through a chuckle.

You snapped.

You let out a scream as you grabbed the lamp on your side of the bed. You jumped onto the bed, and you shit her over and over again.

"I"

*hit

"am"

*hit

"the perfect"

*hit

"housewife" you yelled.

Blood littered the walls, and your hands. Heavy breathes left your mouth as you looked at the scene.

"Oh Ellie I'm sorry! This room is filthy! I'll clean it"

you scrubbed the walls, you changed the bedding and you gave her a bath.

Everything was back to normal. It was all clean.

You looked at her decomposing body. She looked peaceful and she wasn't being mean anymore.

This was the girl you fell in love with.

You gave her a kiss on the forehead before you muttered "its time for breakfast" and you left the room to start making your girl breakfast.

You weren't sure how long you were going to get away with this, but for the time being you were happy.

She was better dead anyway.

[mdawgswizzleinthehizzle]

alright. i’m back for more tlou analyzing

so we all know that pivotal moment in joel and ellie’s relationship when joel calls ellie “babygirl”. *sobs*

but we’re gonna talk about these names a little deeper.

so we know that “babygirl” was kind of joel’s pet name for sarah. that and “baby”. he calls her this multiple times up until her last moments and then some even after she’s passed. those are joel’s pet names for sarah, his daughter, the most important person in his life.

it’s why when he calls ellie “babygirl”, we know then for certain that joel sees ellie that way, has seen her that way. in his mind, she hasn’t been “cargo” for a long time, but the moment he calls her “babygirl”, it’s out there between them both. it’s official. ellie is his kid.

but the thing is, that’s the only time we hear joel call ellie “babygirl”. that moment and that word served it’s purpose. it drew it’s connection within joel between sarah and ellie. we now know, as the audience, that joel feels for ellie what he felt for sarah.

so where am i going with this? well, every other time after this that joel calls ellie a pet name, it’s “kiddo” and i think that’s really cute and important. “kiddo” is ellie’s special joel nickname like sarah’s was “babygirl”. it’s also prevents sarah and ellie from overlapping in joel’s head and to us. he isn’t replacing sarah, he never could, so joel, whether on purpose or not, separates the two and affectionately coins them each their own pet name. maybe for his own conscience so it doesn’t feel like he’s replacing sarah, but either way, i find it super meaningful and cute. it probably makes ellie feel special too, like “babygirl” probably did for sarah. coming from a life like ellie’s, where she is an orphan and has been for fourteen years, i can only imagine what it feels like to be someone’s “kiddo”. finally.

sarah is “babygirl”, ellie is “kiddo”, and joel has two daughters and an equal amount of love for them both. he made extra room in his heart for ellie, he didn’t kick sarah out.

[darknight3904]

All Too Well

Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Summary: The first month in Jackson passes by slowly. Joel wishes you'd confront him about the past but fear has your lips sealed tight.

Warnings: 18+ Language, SA (Not by Joel), Starvation, Animal Death, Eating Disorders, Plastic boobs, and Lingerie (do we need a warning for those things?) Joel and Reader are pros at avoiding the elephant in the room!

Word Count: 4.1k

Previous Part / Series Masterlist / Main Masterlist

I didn't have much time to edit this one so sorry if there are typos :)

December 31, 2023

Joel carefully set the table according to Maria's directions. His new sister-in-law had decided that a New Year's Eve dinner would be appropriate for this year. Of course, drinks with the rest of the community at the Tipsy Bison would follow.

He eavesdropped on Ellie and Tommy's conversation from the other room.

"And then, you just keep mixing like this." Tommy explained, "And then...slowly fold in the sugar."

"You're pretty good at this." She compliments

"Had a real good teacher."

When he and Ellie stepped into the warm home, Joel could hardly believe what he was seeing. His younger brother was wearing a purple and green apron, baking a fleet of cupcakes to share with the rest of Jackson. Twenty years ago, Tommy would've eaten half-frozen pizza bites and dubbed it "a healthy dinner."

Joel had no idea how Maria had turned his brother into the Pillsbury Dough Boy, but he had to admit it was one of the funnier things he'd seen in a while.

Speaking of Maria, Joel swore he'd eventually win her over. He was pretty sure she was slowly warming up to him. After all he'd only been in Jackson a month or so and here he was invited to a family dinner.

"Dude, your brother is like...the best baker in the world," Ellie says as she shuffles into the dining room.

"Really? Last time I saw him he was still burning Chef Boyardee." Joel teases

"That was years ago, asshole!" Tommy's voice calls to defend himself, "I'm a great cook now. Besides I don't recall you being some Master Chef, Joel."

"Two days you burned that bacon I brought home from that Jesse kid," Maria said flatly as she checked on the ham in the oven.

"You're not helping."

"I wasn't trying to."

The sudden gust of cold air has Joel turning his attention the the front door that has slammed against the wall behind it.

"Shit, it's so windy out there!"

He'd know that voice anywhere, how could he forget it? Ever since his arrival in Jackson, he practically heard it every time he closed his damn eyes. 

Joel watched as you hung your coat up and pulled your boots off before greeting Maria who was already standing there with open arms. He awkwardly stood as you greeted Tommy with the same amount of enthusiasm before letting your gaze fall on him. 

He feels his mouth dry up as you take him in. What is he supposed to say? Hi? Long time no see? Sorry, I broke up with you and then the world ended? 

Lucky for him a certain 14-year-old is there and always ready to fill the silence. 

“Hi, I'm Ellie.” 

Joel watched as she bounced right up to you, eager to get to know the new stranger. 

“I know…I've uh seen you around the stables.” You say slowly

“Oh yeah! That foal Shimmer she's super cute!” 

Dinner is awkward or well, Joel is awkward. He sits next to Ellie and listens to her talk your ears off about this and that, mostly mundane things like her comics or fun facts about space. You listen intently, adding comments here and there and Joel's reminded of the way you'd listen to Sarah's ramblings. 

Tommy nudges his foot under the table and Joel looks up to see Maria looking at him expectantly.

“Sorry, what?” He asks 

“I was asking if you'd want to try your hand at patrol later this week. Tommy said you're not fitting in with any of the other jobs around here.” She says 

The idea is a great one, truly. Joel has felt rather trapped the past month behind Jackson's huge walls. Leaving again would feel like a breath of fresh air. 

“That’d be great.” He nods in thanks, thinking of how nice it'd be to do something other than bake bread or sweep stables. 

“Good.” Maria smiles before turning to you, “And you, can show Joel the ropes.” 

Joel nearly chokes on his food and he hears you sputter into your glass of water. 

“What?” 

Three days later and It's around 7 in the morning when Maria forces you and Joel out of the gates of Jackson. Mounted on horseback Joel follows your lead as you explain the basic route. 

“We'll stop down at this mall today. Sweep for infected and people.” You say, “There's a Macy's that hadn't been cleared out yet, Ellie might like some of the girl's clothes there.” 

Joel nods, he hasn't said anything much to you, only asking a few questions. Truly, he's not sure what to say. Does he start with small talk, the weather, how Shimmer is doing? Or does he dive right in to address what both of you dance around? 

Joel follows you around, listening to you talk about the route, what you normally see, and how many people you've run into in the past few months. Unsurprisingly, he's good at all of it, asking the right questions and following your lead. Now, as you stand in the ruins of Greenpines Mall, you watch him sift through racks of the Juniors section of Macy's. 

“Can I help?” You ask, probably tired of just standing there in silence and watching him.

“Uh, yeah. She's into space and dinosaurs. Probably a size small in everything but hoodies. Said she likes em’ oversized.” 

You nod and walk to another rack, pushing different items aside and mumbling about how hard it was going to be to find a dinosaur in the teenage girl's section.

Joel stuffs a few items into his backpack and you're able to find a nice maroon sweatshirt. 

“The men's section is that way.” You point to your left, “I'm gonna uh… go upstairs and grab some stuff for myself.” 

“Should stick together.” Joel reasons, following where your finger points “Safer like that.” 

You look at him and he hopes you can tell he's being fully serious. His brows pinch together, anticipating you'll reject him. 

“Fine. But no complaining.” 

Joel wasn't expecting to find himself in the lingerie section of the store. The embarrassed huff he lets out has you laughing. At least you were happy about all this. 

“Quit whining, I just need a few new bras.” You sigh turning away from him as he stands there, making sure his eyes remain fixed on the floor. 

Just because the world had ended didn't mean he wanted to be surrounded by racks of ladies' underwear and bras.

You only get about twenty steps from him and he takes a small step back, bumping into something tall. A loud curse falls from his lips as he tries to catch the mannequin he's knocked over. 

“God bless it…” He groans, trying to stand her back up. 

He catches the way you roll your eyes when his hands land on the mannequin's plastic tits, perfectly obscured bythe  red lace of some skimpy overpriced thing. 

He didn't mean to do that, he swears. 

“Maybe don't grope the models, Joel.” You tease 

“I'm not.” Joel snaps, finally getting it to stand again, “Walked into it by accident.” 

“Sure you did.” 

Joel didn't know what to expect from you today. Stony silence had been at the top of his list. Teasing him though? That hadn't been anywhere on his radar. 

You're so different yet familiar at the same time, it's driving him up the wall. 

He keeps his eyes on the floor as you hum an unknown tune, picking different things up for yourself, and muttering about sizing.

Joel lets out a grunt when you shove something into his chest. 

“Give these to Ellie too.” You say, “In the apocalypse, a girl can never have too many sports bras.” 

He doesn't bother looking at the fabric in his hands, trusting your judgment and simply moving to place it next to the shirts he's already picked up for Ellie. 

The ride back to Jackson is quiet. No teasing words from you, and the horse's trotting fills the silence as a few birds chirp as they fly overhead. 

The fact that you seem content not to mention anything from the past has Joel's stomach in knots. Surely you can't be okay with it all? He's spent the past month worrying about how he'd ever address any of it. 

“We're not gonna talk about it?” He asks

“About what?” You ask ��You mean the mannequin? I was just kidding about that, Joel.” 

“About us.” He says quietly 

A beat of silence and then, 

“What do you want me to say, Joel?” 

“Anythin’. Yell at me. Scream. Slap me.” Joel huffs, “Don't wanna spend time dancin’ around our past. Let it all out.” 

You let out a scoff that has Joel's stomach dropping, 

“I don't see why I should do any of that. It was 20 years ago, Joel. I've made my peace with it.” 

Joel looks over at you, taking in the way the setting sun makes your features glow. Your gaze is fixed on the gates of Jackson. They're only half a mile away but they might as well be half a million with the way your gaze is so permanently fixed on them. All of a sudden, you're adamant about not looking at him. 

A dozen things swarm in his mind. Half of him wants to get off his horse, pull you off yours and shake you until you come to your senses, to urge you to put him through the ringer and really let him have it. The other half of him is telling him that you look really good today and that he noticed your bra size has gone up since 2003. 

God, he was losing it. 

So many things that could be said, perhaps should be said yet all that comes out of him is, 

“Alright, suit yourself.” 

For the next two weeks,  Joel doesn't see much of you. Every once in a while he peaks through the curtains of his own home, hoping to get a glimpse of you returning but, he never does.

Ellie of course, takes immediate notice of his window-watching and declares that he ‘has a huge crush on the horse lady next door!’. 

To Joel's mortification, she takes this information to Maria who tells Tommy, and before Joel knows it he's being teased by his younger brother in his own damn home. 

“And she doesn't know anything about you and her?” Tommy asks one evening over a glass of whiskey 

“No. And I'm keeping it that way. So don't go running your mouth.” Joel says glaring at his younger brother. 

Tommy raises his hands in Innocence. 

“If Ellie finds out it won't be from me.” He says, “But she'll find out, eventually. You know that right, Joel?” 

“No, she won't.” 

You spend more time and effort avoiding Joel than you should. At first, you thought you might be able to work around your shared past, but you teased him on your one and only shared patrol shift. But, when Joel asked you to share your thoughts on the past, you had clammed up. It was then, half a mile from Jackson's gates that you knew you wouldn't be able to be friendly with him. 

You didn't know what Joel wanted. He said he wanted you to scream at him, to curse him out about a three-month relationship that happened 20 years ago. And maybe, if he'd shown up a few years back with Tommy you might've. Instead, it's like your mouth has been glued shut about it all. 

Over the past two weeks, your mind had conjured a thousand different things to say to him. Some are full of anger, others sadness. But, you never say any of them. Instead, you choose to avoid him, trading patrol shifts and even taking graveyard shifts at the wall to put distance between the two of you. 

Maria had coined it one day after you invited her over for lunch so you could talk to her about her baby. 

“You're scared.” She said after listening to the way you described not being able to confront him about it.

“Scared?” You scoff as you shove a spoonful of soup into your mouth, “He should be scared of me.” 

“You're scared it'll happen all over again. That he'll leave you like he did back then.” 

Maria was so wrong. Honestly, she was losing her mind. You chalked it up to the baby. Yes, that evil little fetus was probably munching away at her brain to grow its own. Ironic since Cordyceps pretty much did the same thing. 

Scared? You weren't scared of Joel Miller. No, not in a thousand years.

Wednesday, January 21, 2024. A day that Joel was going to mull over probably for the rest of his life. After all, it marked the start of a friendship.

He was surprised to find you already in the stables, ready for patrol for the day. Finally, you'd turned up instead of some random person you'd found to switch shifts with. 

“Mornin’ sweetheart.” He says, the name flying off his tongue before he can stop it. 

You shoot him a look he can't quite place as he saddles up his horse, Turnip. 

“Don't do that.” You huff as you stroke your own horse, Pepper's mane avoiding eye contact with him. 

“What?” Joel asks dumbly knowing full well you mean the nickname he'd let slip. 

How many times had he called you that back in the day? Over the three months, it must've been well over a thousand. 

“ Don't give me little nicknames with that stupid voice of yours and pretend you don't know what you're doing.” You scold 

“Sorry.” Joel sighs, pulling himself onto his horse as you saddle up, “Wait you think my voice is stupid?” 

The day goes by smoothly. No infected or people to be seen. Joel is surprised when you point out deer tracks. 20 years ago you'd shuddered at the idea of blood, now you were plotting the demise of some deer that wasn't even here. 

“It's probably long gone.” He says 

Your face falls in disappointment, “Really?” 

“Tracks are old. There's snow drifts over a few of them too.” He points at the ground to the prints that are further up.

“Damn…I thought I had it this time.” You huff 

“Tracking isn't easy.” Joel says, “Takes time.” 

“Tommy's been teaching me, but I'm not really good at it.” You sigh 

Joel feels jealousy swirl in his chest. What was he even jealous of? His married brother teaching his ex-girlfriend a vital survival skill in the apocalypse? There was something seriously wrong with Joel's brain these days. 

“You're better than Ellie. She wouldn't have even seen the tracks, let alone been able to tell that it was a deer.” 

“So you're saying I'm a bit better than a 14-year-old who doesn't even know what the Internet was?” 

Joel shrugs and gives you a small smile. 

“Thanks, Joel. I appreciate it.” You roll your eyes 

“Anytime, sweetheart.” 

A sharp glare is sent to him and he sits up a bit straight. Turnip snorts as he falls into step beside Pepper. 

“Sorry, I'll stop. I swear.” 

Joel watches as you munch away at deer jerky and dried pieces of fruit. He takes note of the way you practically engulf your lunch. He'd noticed the same thing a few weeks back at the New Years Eve dinner. You'd shoved your entire plate of the delicious ham Maria had made into your mouth in record time. Even Ellie had taken more time to eat the meal and Joel had recently watched the kid eat three cookies in what was basically one bite. 

“Slow down.” He warns “You're going to choke.” 

You look up from your food, staring at him with wide eyes and a stuffed mouth that probably would put chipmunks to shame.

“This is slow.” You say after you somehow swallow it all. 

Joel raises a brow at that. Do you even realize you've put away nearly double what he had in half the time? 

During your time together you'd often reminded Joel of a bird. Picking at different foods and then slowly eating whatever you deem good. In true college student fashion, most of those foods had been pizza and greasy Chinese takeout. Not that he could blame you, he also thoroughly enjoyed both of those things way back when. 

The woman who sits In front of him is not the one he dated as a 35-year-old man. You're even eating the raisins out of the trail mix, and Joel knows you hate raisins. 

“Just…take a breath. Drink some water.” He says, eying you carefully, pushing the canteen towards you. 

You huff and unscrew the cap, drinking a bit before shutting it again. 

“Happy?” 

“Yes,” Joel says 

Back on the horses, Joel notices the way you're looking a bit ill. Your face is screwed up a bit and he can tell you're nauseous. It's from eating too quickly, he can tell. You'd eaten all of your food and then when he'd offered some of his own, you'd enthusiastically taken him up on it. Normally he'd have no issues with it but it was the speed that concerned him. 

“Wanna stop for a bit?” He asked, hoping you weren't going to puke onto poor Pepper's head. 

You nod and quickly dismount from Pepper. Joel ties the horses off on a nearby tree before walking over to you. Patrol be damned, he had to make sure you weren't going to lose all the food you just ate. 

You're curled up on yourself, your head resting on your knees as he sits down next to you. 

“You okay?” He asks 

“Sorry.” You mumble sadly into your knees 

“For what?” Joel asks, “You're doing me a favor, getting me off that horse. My back is aching.” 

“Sorry for being a glutton. I ate all my own food and then some of yours…” You groan, “I'm disgusting.” 

“You're not a glutton.” Joel says, “Being hungry isn't a crime. Just gotta eat it slower. You're making yourself sick.” 

You're silent for a moment, probably weighing your options as Joel runs his gloved hands through the snow. And then, in a voice so quiet it nearly missed it, you speak again, 

“It's not my fault…” 

Joel looks over at you, your head is back up, and you're focused on the threads of your jacket and the way they've begun to pull away from the seam. 

“It's not my fault.” You say again, a bit louder again

“What's not your fault?” Joel asks, unsure of where this is going 

“The doc at the clinic says it's…that it's because of the time I spent with them. It's because of them that I can't eat normally anymore.” You say sadly 

“Spent time with who?” Joel asks 

“Adam. And the others. Especially the leader, he was missing two teeth.” You say, staring at your hands 

“Who's Adam?” Joel asks softly 

He wants you to look at him, even just the smallest glance right now would bring him some peace of mind. This Adam, Joel wanted to know who he was, where he was, what he'd done. 

All of a sudden, you're staring right at him, eyes glossed over with fear, 

“No one.” You whisper “No one at all.” 

May 2017 

Loki had been dead for two weeks. Two weeks since you'd been tied to this tree, two weeks of no food and just stale water poured from the redhead's canteen in the middle of the night. 

The redhead, Adam, pours you water each night after the others have passed out. He's supposed to be keeping watch, not making sure their newest toy is hydrated enough not to die. 

“Slow down.” He says, the back of his hand on your head as he holds the canteen to your lips 

When it's finally empty you look at him. He has blue eyes, something you hadn't taken note of before. 

“You need to eat it. They won't give you anything else until you do.” He advises 

Adam points at your feet where a small bag sits. You know what he's talking about. The leader, the one who reeks and is missing his two front teeth took special care to dry out a piece of your pet. Each day he'd demand you eat the jerky that was made from Loki. 

“I can't.” You say 

“They'll let you starve. I've seen it before with other girls.” Adam says, pulling a piece of the jerky out, “Just one bite, and I bet he'll give you deer tomorrow.” 

“Why should I?” You hiss “Why should I bother eating? So I can be strong for whenever you want to use me? I'd rather starve than extend my time here with you.” 

Adam looks at you, his face unreadable. You watch as he stands back up, backing away from you and your tree.

“Fine, starve then.” 

Another week passes before he coaxes a bite of the jerky into your mouth. The leader sees this, and claps you on the back, 

“What a good whore you're going to be.” 

The next day, a small bowl of venison-filled soup is presented to you. 

Adam spoons it into your mouth bite by bite cooing to you that you're doing so well. 

When you've finished the bowl, you want to ask for more, but Adam has you standing up.  Before you can protest or ask for more food,  your pants have been ripped down to your ankles and Adam takes you against your tree.

Your hot tears begin to dribble down your face as you try to block out Adam's grunts. 

The other men cheer when he finishes.

Warm cum drips down your legs as vomit pools in your throat, you lose the soup and the last bit of your dignity with it. 

Your days are long. You spend most of them on your back or on your belly. The other men are content with this, just wanting the warmth of a woman here at the end of the world.

 The worst of it though is whenever the leader, who you've dubbed the Walrus since no one ever says his name, puts you on all fours beneath him. 

You quickly learn that the Walrus has a kink for pain. Or well, inflicting it. You don't get to see them, but each night Adam cleans your back and inner thighs, changing bandages and keeping the cuts from the Walrus’ knife clean. 

The Walrus also takes delight in giving you what was basically toddler-sized portions of food. A couple of bits of jerky one day, followed by three small spoonfuls of beans the next. He laughs whenever he sees you watching the men eat. He'll say something about women not deserving more than what he's already giving you before walking off.

You swear that you're going to be nothing but a pile of bones as the days roll by. 

At night, Adam feeds you more food. In exchange you let him pepper your skin with kisses. It turns out that if you pretend to like it, not only is he gentler when he puts himself inside, but he'll also bring you more food. 

Some nights you're so full it feels like you'll burst. Adam gets what he wants, a fake lover, and you get what you want, a full belly. 

Winter 2024 

You're silent during the ride back into Jackson. You whisper something to Pepper and Joel finds himself asking if he can walk you home. Physically you're right next to him but mentally? Joel can tell you're not there, you're trapped in some memory, for your sake, he hopes it's a good one. 

He walks you right up to your front porch and watches as you fumble with your keys. He says your name out loud for the first time in 20 years and you're snapping out of whatever trance you were in. 

“I know you don't want to talk about us…but I…I don't want to be a stranger to you.” He says honestly 

Joel can't lose you. He doesn't want to, not again. Fear be damned, he was going to keep you by his side this time. 

“Can we…can we be friends?” He asks slowly 

He can tell you're tossing it around your brain, thinking it over. 

“Okay.” You say after a moment, “We can be friends.” 

Next Part

I hope I was clear enough but: 

For those that can't tell, basically in the current time the reader has a fear of food being withheld the way it was with Adam. The result is binge eating until she's sick from it. She basically views food as a safety blanket of sorts and is scared that it'll disappear if she doesn't consume it. 

And yes, Joel's return into her life will slowly fix this issue. 

Updates are going to be slower since I have finals coming. Hope you can bear with me and please pray I pass my math one. It's a core class and I need her to keep going in my major ❤️

Comment to be added to the tag list. This tag list is not chapter by chapter, I carry the tags over to each part.

Tags:

@lunaticgurly  @orcasoul  @snowlycanroc  @freythecrazyfae

@person-005 @greenwitchfromthewoods

[chr0llossexygf]

ON FILM

pairings; mean!ellie x fem reader

summary; spending countless nights wrapped in Ellie’s bed but not in her arms made you realise something. You want more, you’ve always wanted more. But Ellie doesn’t want more. Or maybe she does. But what if it’s too late?

cw; ellie is rlly mean :((, angst, guns, set in tlou universe!

“ Els could you pass me my shirt?” You ask sitting yourself up on your girl- well not girlfriend. Your friend with benefits? Not even, not like it was decided and talked between the two of you that you are friends with benefits. Does your relationship with Ellie even tick the boxes of a friends with benefits one? It has benefits, most definitely. Like now, when you're laying half naked on her fitted sheets, which are supposed to be tightly secured around the corners of the mattress, may have come loose as a result of you and Ellie making love or from how harshly she sprung from the bed the second you two came down from your highs.

A delicate and tender brush of the strings of her guitar is the answer you get, did she not hear you? It's not like you're far away. She's only a few feet away from you. Sitting on her worn out black rolling chair with her guitar placed delicately on her thighs. You watch as the auburn strands of her hair that were just in your hands a mere 5 minutes ago move softly with the gentle bopping of her head, as her skilled fingers sweep across the strings like they are the most fragile thing. Nothing compared to the roughness she displays on her fingers when they are touching your skin. “ Els-” The strum resonates with an unpleasant, off-key twang. 

She lets out a loud sigh. And suddenly, you're picking at the delicate skin of your palms. The same palms which were trying to feel the warmth of her palms only to be roughly grabbed and pinned above your head. With one hand gripping the neck of her guitar and the other resting over the strings she raises her head up. “ What?” She says with her eyes closed. You raise your hand and point at the dark green fabric laying down crumbled next to her feet. Ellie lets out a sigh as she bends over in her chair, grabbing your shirt and throwing it over to you. 

The shirt didn't even make the flight as it fell to the ground near the edge of the bed. You push your body towards the end of the bed, leaning over to pick up the shirt. The rough fabric of your shirt doesn't meet your fingertips, cold metal does. You raise an eyebrow in confusion as you pull your hand up. Your eyes widen and your lips part. “ Holy shit you have a polaroid camera Els?!” You energetically exclaim rotating the camera in your hand.

“ Yeah yeah.. Joel told me to start a photo album. Apparently-” She cuts herself off placing her guitar down on the floor gently against her table. “ Hey, you're still covering my shift for me this morning right?” She asks, leaning her body back against the backrest of her chair. Crossing her arms as her eyes are planted at your hands holding the camera.

“ pfft yeah- But oh my god this is so cool! I've been wanting one for so long! I've never had my picture taken-” You rotate the camera around towards you, your finger presses a button. “ No wait-” Ellie stands up from her chair, sending it flying back. Almost hitting a wall from the violent shove the chair has fallen victim to. There's a bright flash on your face, your lips puckered and your eyes widely opened. 

Ellie snatches the camera from your grasp. You furrow your eyebrows, your lips parted in surprise. “ E-Els what-” Your voice is high-pitched as your cheeks grow a slight shade of pink from shock. 

“ Damn it!” Ellie shouts, throwing the camera on the other side of the bed, away from you. Your head shoots around to look at the camera, afraid that it was gonna bounce off the bed and break into a hundred pieces. “ W-what are you doing-” She cuts you off.

“ No, what are you doing?! Jesus.” She shouts, putting a hand over her face. Harshly sliding her hand over her skin in frustration. You raise an eyebrow in confusion and tilt your head to the side, “ What did I do?” You ask your voice rising in pitch but growing weaker in volume. Like a child. 

Ellie throws her head back in annoyance, “ Do you have zero manners? Did your mom not teach you? You don't just grab someone's stuff and act like it's yours-” You shoot up from her bed quickly putting your shirt on, your lips are still parted in shock. Why is she so mad? 

“ Jesus Els i-it's just a picture.” You say crossing your arms, suddenly feeling insecure and small. Ellies pacing back and forth, letting out disgruntled cuss words under her breath. “ That was the last film I had- And now it's been wasted on you! It wasn't meant to be used on you damn it! Now where else am I gonna find more films!” She shouts, throwing herself on her chair. 

Ouch. You feel a sting in your heart. Actually no. A sting would be an understatement of the century compared to the hurt you feel in your heart. You feel sweat form on the back of your neck and your fingers immediately grabbing the ends of your worn out shirt. It feels like your heart was harshly grabbed and thrown into 50 layers of glass. Each little piece of glass  being every memory of you and Ellie in which she would treat you like a toy and the final big shard of glass piercing your heart through and through is this. Do you as a human being, as someone who searches for her in every crowd, as someone who looks at her whenever something funny happens during bar nights in Jackson, as someone who would be wrapped up in her sheets every other night have less value than polaroid film? 

You remain silent. The realization just now hitting you. The reality of the situation just now hitting you like a harsh tidal wave knocking you out on the sand. Your fingers which were nervously picking at the loose strings of your shirt suddenly stop. 

Your lack of response seems to anger Ellie more. “ You know what-” She shoots up from her chair and walks up to you. “ You're gonna find me more film today on your supply run. And your not coming back until you have it or whatever the fuck-” Her finger swats back and forth between the two of you. Just as she was about to open her mouth to throw more cruel words at you, there were 4 knocks on her door.

“ I don't wanna interrupt you two girls but Ellie, Jesse is looking for you.” A deep voice cut through like a worn, steadfast anchor falling down the depths of the ocean only to be pulled back as he mentioned Ellies name. 

Ellies body softens as she hears Joel speak. His voice snapping her out of her trance, her sudden fit of anger. She shakes her head and looks at you. Her eyes soften as she gazes into what usually are your warm and soft eyes now suddenly distant. As if a veil had descended over them. Her gaze, accustomed to finding solace in the familiar gentleness of  your eyes, in which she would hate to admit and despise herself for , now falters upon encountering their newfound coolness. Where once there had been an openness that mirrored the tender embrace of a summer breeze, now there lay a guardedness that spoke of unspoken burdens and distant thoughts. And it had all been her doing. 

“ Hey s-sweetheart- '' Her voice trembles at the nickname. And suddenly, you remember how her voice never trembles or shakes when she calls Dina or Cat sweet names. It 's just you. Do you disgust her so much you're not even worth the nickname. The sweet calling, the term of endearment which would usually make you melt. Not that she ever called you any sweet name. It's always Y/N or just ‘you’. And now that you've heard it. You never wanna hear it again.

“ It 's fine.” You whisper, scared that if you were to raise your voice just a note that you would break down. You gently push Ellie to the side, your shoulder hitting hers. Your voice, usually a beacon of exuberance, fell silent. It was as if the air around you had grown heavy with unspoken words and unshed tears, casting a solemn curtain over your once-cheerful demeanor. 

Your touch, once a balm against the trials of the day, met an unexpected resistance, a subtle tensing beneath the surface of your skin. Ellie felt it instantly. The fleeting hesitation in your shoulder, the barely perceptible shift in your posture. Where once there had been a seamless connection, a dance of harmony between your souls, now there lay a fragile distance. A silent rift that echoed with unspoken questions.

—-

“ You're unusually quiet.” Jesse says shoving the christmas mugs on the shelf of a store you two stumbled upon. His fingers wrapped delicately around the handles of the bright red,green, and white mugs. It's Christmas time in Jackson. Maria had sent you and Jesse on the hunt for christmas decoration. Not forgetting to repeat that if it's red it doesn't mean it's Christmas themed to Jesse at least 5 times. Or maybe it was more. You weren't exactly listening, your mind preoccupied with the Ellie situation. You feel your body tense up at the mention of her name.You feel something poke your knee, immediately looking down. You see Jesse's hand holding the mug nudging you.

“ Hey. You okay?” He speaks, his voice soft and gentle. You almost feel bad for zoning out on his rambles. Rambles that would usually be spewing out of your mouth. You nod your head smiling, “ Yeah no im alright- Hey uh.. do you think they've got like camera film in here?” 

Jesse laughs, shaking his head. “ Let me guess. Ellie has gotten you looking for film? Her fault for running out, she took like 30 of just Dina and Cat.” Jesse says standing up, turning around placing both of his hands on his hips looking around the store. He takes a deep breath in squinting his eyes trying to catch a glimpse of the store signs hanging above. “ Its too dark to see cus of these stupid lights but I think maybe-”

All you hear is static. Your entire body feels like it's being filled with static. You know that feeling, when your arm or leg is asleep and they feel too heavy to move and you just keep getting that stinging sensation. That's how your entire body feels. She took 30 of Dina and Cat. 30 pictures. 30 pictures of the flash hitting their face. 30 pictures of them doing a face. Maybe sticking their tongue out or even puckering their lips. So why was it a crime when you did it? Why was it a big deal when you did it? 

“ Yeah thanks.” You say patting Jesse's shoulder. You dig your cold hands into the pocket of your jeans and start walking. Following the way down the aisles of the store, peeking your head in each aisle hoping to find a bright coloured pack of film. You weren't gonna talk to Ellie after you find her the film, that is if you can even find the film. If you can't find the film she[ll be the one not speaking to you. 

You stop on one aisle. Removing your hands from your pockets, feeling the cold breeze hit them immediately. Cursing under your breath, you repeatedly rub your hands up and down the sides of your legs hoping that the friction would atleast give you some heat. You bring both hands up to your mouth, blowing into them. “ No way they had to worry about which color ribbon to buy.” You whisper to yourself, your eyes fixated on all of the colorful ribbons hanging on the shelves. Puckering up your lips, you breathe out through your nose. Walking down what seemed like an endless row of ribbons. You finally spot them.

You speed-walk towards the end of the aisle. You pull your backpack off and immediately start stuffing the packs of film. Grabbing as many as you can and shoving them in ruthlessly as you bite your lip. Your eyesight goes blurry. You're tearing up. Nope, scratch that you're crying. Tears roll down your cold cheeks as you keep shoving in the film at a remarkable speed. You're biting your lower lip trying to stop a sob from escaping. Before you were about to have a full blown breakdown you hear Jesse shout. 

“ Y/N! WATCH OUT!” Jesse shouts running to you, shooting a clicker behind you. You immediately shoot up, throwing your backpack over your shoulder and grabbing your gun from your holster. “ Jesus fuck!” You shout stumbling backwards at the hoard of clickers running towards you and Jesse.

Jesse grabs you, pulling you up. “ We can't take them all- We have to make a run for it!” He says running, your hand still in his. Your heart is racing, you can feel it in your fingertips, your ears, your toes. Turning your head around to catch a glimpse of exactly what you're dealing with, you almost stop on your feet. There's at least 20. “ Fuck fuck Jesse we wont make it!” You shout, pointing your gun backwards shooting aimlessly at the hoard of clickers only growing faster.  

Your brain is short-circuiting. Millions of scenarios are running through your head. 99% of them are of you dead, bleeding out on the floor with a hoard of clickers feasting on your body like it’s their first and final meal. Your chest is heaving up and down. Your breathing but it’s not enough. It probably is enough if it weren’t for your brain trying to convince you it’s not. 

You two won’t make it out of the store without them attacking your horses. You need to come up with a plan. You need to come up with a plan now immediately. 

“ Jesse, keep going! I’ll distract them!” You shout, ripping your hand out of his tight grasp, surely he’s left prints of his fingers on your hand. Jesse’s hand immediately tries to grab yours again, “ No Y/N! What are you doing you idiot!” Jesse shouts.

You push him forward out of the store doors, you turn around and shoot the clickers that were too close to you. You lean your back against the sliding glass doors, Jesse's on the other side pounding on the door trying to push it open. “ Fucking go!” You shout shooting more of them. God why are there so many.

“ Open the fucking door Y/N!” He shouts banging on the door. You shout in frustration, stomping your leg on the floor at his stubbornness. Your other hand reaches for the knife strapped to your thigh. Turning around you stab the window with the knife. The glass shattering all over the floor, some shards even landing on Jesse. You yank your backpack off and throw it throw the window  “ Give me your gun and fucking go!” 

Jesse’s hand shakily hands you the gun as he grabs your backpack, slinging it over his shoulders and runs to his horse. You turn around and watch him mount the horse, his eyes are shiny with tears. He leans down grabbing a rock and throwing it to a glass window on the other side of the store distracting some of the clickers. Mounting his horse he sets off.

You move away from the glass and keep shooting the clickers, alerting the ones Jesse had just distracted. The hoard rushes towards you. “ Fuck.” 

——

Ellie immediately runs to the gates of Jackson after hearing the shouts of the guards on the watchtowers announce Jesse’s arrivals. Her heart racing. Her hands sweaty at the thought of seeing you after everything that's happened, not like her hands aren’t usually sweaty when she thinks about you. Just the mere thought of you makes her heart race and her palms sweaty. And it scares her. Really fucking scares her. 

The gates opening cuts her out of her trance. She sees Jesse. She doesn’t see you. Where are you? She makes a run for the gates expecting you to be following behind Jesse but your not. “ W-where’s?” Her voice is cut off by Jesse’s. “ We need backup! Damn it Y/N!” He jumps off his horse, his hands in his head. 

No. 

She sees your backpack on his back. No. No. No. Please no. God no.

Your backpack falls off his shoulders. Ellie makes a run for your bag, almost breaking the zipper. 

“ T-the place got overrun and Y/N stupidly distracted them and-”

Your bag is full of films

[dreamtofus]

I just want to thank anyone and everyone who writes fanfic

like wdym this masterpiece is FREE

ps reblog ur fav fics.

[66stitches]

Marigold (II)

𑁍 best friend!abby x reader

𑁍 Summary: Abby loved you in a way she believed you could never reciprocate. Per her friend's advice, she began to avoid you in hopes of healing her aching heart.

𑁍 CW: sfw, angst, a little bit of fluff, unrequited love, happy ending yippe, jealousy, friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, reader neither described as masc nor fem, no physical description of reader besides that she is able-bodied, fighting, swearing, violence, ellie mention, a lot of crying, pet names.

𑁍 WC: 4.4k

𑁍 Daily click - Palestine masterpost - TLOU and israel

𑁍 divider creds

𑁍 Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

You buried your cold hands deep within the pockets of your maroon-colored jacket in an attempt to ward off the biting cold, each breath you took formed a slight cloud in the crisp air.

"Don't you think it's a little cold for ice cream?" You spoke, looking over at your friend walking alongside you.

"Maybe you'd enjoy it more if you actually got a good flavour."

You and Ellie wandered through the familiar town, your thoughts running as you dragged your feet across the pavement beneath you.

You tried to focus your thoughts on anything besides Abby: the cold breeze of winter stinging your nose, your coffee-flavored ice cream that, according to Ellie, tasted like burnt shit, the fallen leaves and the sound they would make when you'd step on them.

But she always managed to find her way back into your thoughts, contaminating your brain with the presence of her memories. The memories that once brought you joy were now nothing but painful.

Your steps came to a halt as you stopped by the town's bar. Wooden panels adorned with colorful string lights and a paper that read "winter dance" stapled on the entrance.

"Oh, I almost forgot about the dance tonight," Ellie spoke as she finished the last bite of her ice cream. She tossed it in a nearby bin. "You're going, right?"

The town hosted dances and gatherings quite often. It was never really your thing, but it was Abby's, being the social butterfly she is. She always dragged you along, and you were happy to follow.

But Abby was no longer with you, and now you had no reason to go.

"No, I don't think so," you replied. "Are you?"

"Yes, I am, and so are you." She said it as if you had no choice in the matter, her tone leaving no room for argument.

"Come on, don't just say no because of Abby. This is the perfect opportunity to get your mind off her," she sighed dramatically. "It's also the perfect opportunity for me to show off my dance moves."

You sighed, and though you were not yet convinced, you allowed yourself to consider it. "I don't know, Ellie.”

"Please? If not for yourself, then go for me. You're not really gonna let me go to this thing alone, are you?" she pleaded.

"Stop that. You know guilt trip always works on me."

She grinned. "I know."

"Alright," you said as you threw your hands up in defeat. "I'll go."

Ellie was right, you needed this. It was unfair for you to miserably lay heartbroken when God knows Abby was probably already out having fun, relieved to be rid of you at last. It wasn't fair for Ellie either who came a long way to see you.

𑁍

Nora slipped on her last layer of clothes and started combing back her dark hair.

"You're awfully quiet," she spoke, looking over at the blonde resided beside her, currently styling her hair into her signature braid.

Abby offered no response for a moment, simply going back to her task.

"Uh, you okay?" Nora asked.

"I'm fine, Nora," Abby replied, speaking without a glance at her friend's way. It was clear that she was lying, Nora could see that. Abby had been evidently troubled for weeks, her distressful demeanor was something no soul could miss.

Nora sighed as she placed her hairbrush down. "No, you're not. Tell me what's going on with you," she asked, though she knew she didn't need to. She knew it was you who's causing her this sorrow. In truth, that had always been the case, even long before you two had stopped talking.

"I don't know, I'm just a little worried about her, I guess," she said. Merely talking of you was most difficult for her. She had been trying to avoid the topic of you for quite some time now, always shutting her friends down when they tried to ask what happened between you and her.

"You don't have to worry about her, Abs. She's got that redhead friend of hers to keep her company." Nora tried her best to be comforting.

Abby almost had to physically stop herself from rolling her eyes at the mention of Ellie. Of course she had noticed the two of you spending time together quite often, and as happy as she was that you had someone to keep you company, she couldn't help the seeping feeling of jealousy that contaminated her to the core at the first sight of you two.

“Please, don’t talk about Ellie,” she practically groaned, not doing much to conceal her obvious jealousy which earned her a slight grin from Nora.

“Jealous, much?” Nora asked.

That’s when Abby really rolled her eyes. “Nobody said that, Nora,” she said, albeit she knew she didn’t exactly give much room to conclude otherwise.

Abby didn’t want to admit truly how jealous she was of the red-headed girl and how badly your falling out had affected her.

She no longer wept, though she always felt as if she was on the verge of doing so. She tried to distract herself with the gym, but what once brought her happiness and contentment now felt like a chore. She didn’t need a distraction, she needed you.

She envied Ellie: she envied the way she got to hold you without that awful feeling of sheer guilt in the pit of her stomach; without that nagging voice in her head telling her what a disgusting person she is.

She envied the healthy relationship Ellie had with you, how comfortable she was in sharing affection without feeling as though she was fulfilling some perverse fantasy.

She was constantly plagued by the urge to go back to you, always having to remind herself of what a horrible idea that would be, as well as Nora’s persistent lectures which stopped her from doing something so foolish.

She was happy that you had someone to keep you company and comfort you, but she still couldn’t help the way she felt about Ellie. Her jealousy eating away at her every time she saw you together, doing things you once did with her, and she felt endlessly guilty for being jealous.

“Do you think she’s going? You know, to the party?” Nora inquired.

Abby considered it. She was unsure whether she wanted you there or not.

The sight of you would dim her mood, that she knew for certain, but she missed being in the same room as you.

“Probably not. T’was never really her scene.” She sounded different whenever she would speak about you. Her tone would change significantly. She sounded softer. Sadder.

Nora considered her next words for a moment before speaking. “Do you want her there?” She asked.

Abby zoned out for a moment, contemplating.

“I don’t know.”

𑁍

You stood beneath the cold wind staring at the town’s bar. You could hear everyone inside. Dancing, talking, yelling, singing along to the music. You took a deep breath and walked in, your eyes immediately scanning for Ellie.

You found the redhead standing by the bar with two drinks in hand. She met your eyes from across the room and gave you a smile as you walked up to her.

“So you came.” She handed you a drink.

“Yeah,” you responded as you fiddled with the bottle. “You were right, I’ve got to stop moping. This is good for me.”

Ellie tilted her head and smiled. “See? Told you. I’m always right.”

Moments passed, and you mostly followed Ellie around like a lost puppy while she socialized and met some new people.

That’s something you always envied about her: how she can make friends so easily and how confidently she carried herself most times.

You two then sat at the bar, allowing yourself to rest a little as you indulged yourself in conversation.

A conversation you were no longer paying attention to, Ellie’s voice slowly beginning to sound faded as your eyes were locked on someone else across the room.

And that certain someone was watching you right back. Deep blue eyes locked onto yours, keeping you connected from the other side of the room. Her brows were furrowed. She looked pained, tired, and yet still as beautiful as ever.

You didn’t think you would ever be in the same room as Abby again, but there she was, in all her glory.

She wore a tight green shirt that hugged her strong figure in all the right ways, along with some faded brown pants that accentuated her thighs.

“Stop looking at her.”

Abby was first to break eye contact, snapping you out of the trance that were her eyes. You averted your gaze from Abby and back to Ellie.

“Again, I am so sorry. I seriously didn’t know she’d be here,” Ellie apologized for what seemed like the millionth time.

“It’s fine, Ellie”, you reassured her, but you both knew it wasn’t fine at all. You sought a fun night to distract you from the ache in your heart that was Abby, only to have her come and bring that ache with her.

You were unsure whether you were surprised to see her here or not. You knew that she enjoyed these parties, but you assumed she wouldn’t be attending this time after what had happened. Perhaps you should have known better.

“There she goes staring at you again,” Ellie groaned and rolled her eyes. “Come on, let’s just get out of here.”

“Way ahead of you.” You were already throwing the remainder of your drink and getting ready to leave. Ellie followed shortly after, but not without bidding her new friends goodbye.

You stood in the sidelines waiting for her as she moved all around the room.

You then found yourself praying to whatever god there is up there to allow the ground to open up and swallow you (or Ellie) whole, because with all of her careless wandering, she mistakenly bumped into Abby, nearly spilling the last of her drink on her. Nearly. That part you were grateful for.

“Oh shit, man, my bad,” Ellie chuckled. She did not sound the least bit apologetic. In fact, she only sounded proud of herself. You wondered if it had even been accidental at all.

Abby recognized Ellie immediately, of course she did. She was not only looking at you the whole time, but as well as glaring holes into the back of Ellie’s skull.

“Oh please, don’t pretend like that wasn’t deliberate,” Abby said harshly. Ellie grinned mockingly, glad that she managed to get such a reaction from the blonde.

“Aw, what’s making you so hostile, Abby? Makes it seem like you’ve got a personal grudge against me.” Ellie just kept pushing Abby’s buttons, speaking in the most condescending tone she could muster. If there was one thing Ellie was good at, it was riling people up.

You practically sprinted to them, grabbing Ellie’s hand and gesturing for her to leave.

You met Abby’s eyes once again, but this time was different, because now you stood close enough to really look at her again; close enough to get another hint of her intoxicating smell.

Once again, she broke eye contact.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think someone’s a little jealous,” Ellie pushed again, trying to get another reaction from Abby. She wrapped an arm around your shoulder. “You’re jealous that she’s got me now.” Ellie grinned again, enjoying the sight of Abby’s scowling face.

“Ellie!” You yelled. You were getting upset as well as embarrassed. Whatever Abby was mad at you for, she was definitely never forgiving you now. You pushed Ellie’s arm away and tried to grab her and leave once again. You were ignored.

“Jealous?” Abby scoffed, she was the one grinning now. “You’re just a replacement. You realize that, right? If it weren’t for me leaving her, she wouldn’t even spare your desperate ass a glance.”

You were left aghast at Abby’s words, Ellie clearly was too. She tried to hide it, but it was clear Abby’s words had hurt her.

You opened your mouth to defend Ellie. You loved Abby, that would never change, but you would not stand for anyone talking to Ellie like that and speaking lies about you. But Ellie interrupted you before you had the chance.

“Yeah? ‘Least I never fuckin’ ghosted her or made her feel like shit the way you did; at least she’s happy with me. So yeah, got your girl now, bitch,” Ellie retorted, looking evidently proud of herself for that last sentence. Clearly she still found this fun.

Abby’s clearly had enough of childish banter. One thing about her is that she was never afraid to get violent.

She took a step forward and shoved Ellie, nearly knocking her off her balance. You were ready to interfere, until Ellie shoved Abby right back with the same amount of zeal.

Everyone’s attention was on them now, not including those who were black out drunk. The entirety of the bar went quiet, staring at the two women in excitement. As if you thought this couldn’t get any more humiliating.

“You both are fucking childish,” you yelled and tried to get in between them.

Quite the dumb move on your end. The punch Abby threw was meant for Ellie, but with your careless action of stepping in, you were the one taking the hit, your head snapping back.

What you didn’t expect, though, was for Abby to hastily grab your face, softly cradling it between her hands.

“Fuck, marigold, are you okay? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you,” she spoke quickly. The tone in her voice was scared and replete with concern. It was evident on her face.

She seemed surprised by her own actions as well. She didn’t think nor intend to hold you like that. When it came to her, protecting you almost felt like a natural instinct.

The feeling of her hands on your skin and her face so close to yours nearly made you forget the aching pain on your cheek.

You snapped out of it swiftly and pushed her hands away from you, sending her back.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore,” was all you said. It was bitter, laced with venom. Abby looked hurt, but mostly ashamed of herself. She didn’t speak.

“Now can we just leave already?” You groaned and turned to Ellie.

“Yeah…” she breathed, still glaring holes at Abby.

You grabbed Ellie’s arm and finally left. It took everything in you not to look back at Abby. You wished you didn’t care about her so much.

You were now back at your house, examining the swollen area on your cheek which you knew would soon be a shade of purple.

You spent most of your time in your head, replaying that incident continuously.

What you truly could not manage to get out of your head was how Abby had reacted when she’d accidentally hit you. That name she called you: you were certain you would never hear her utter that word again.

You were both confused and comforted by the gesture, but you tried not to dwell on it.

“God, she’s even worse than you described. What a bitch.” Ellie had been ranting and moaning about Abby for what felt like all night.

You tried to tune her out, not wanting to think about Abby so much. Is this what Ellie felt with you?

“You should’ve let me fight her. I mean, she’s big as shit, but I could definitely take her on.” She took a moment to observe herself in the mirror. “Definitely,” she repeated.

“Ow!” You flinched as you poked your swollen skin. That got Ellie to stop her ranting and come to your aid.

“You okay?” Ellie held your jaw and observed your cheek.

“I’m fine, it’s just…” you trailed off. “You started that fight on purpose, didn’t you?”

Ellie raised her brows at your question and smiled slightly. “Nah. Trust me, if it was deliberate, I would’ve spilled my drink on her. This was just a happy accident, as Bob Ross once said.”

“Yeah, well your happy accident got me a punch to the face, but I’m glad you found it fun.” You rolled your eyes and stepped away from the mirror.

“Actually, you jumping in between us is why you got punched. Seriously, what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted you guys to stop.”

Ellie frowned and crossed her arms, an expression of remorse scrawled upon her features. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. She’s just… she’s so fucking confusing, Ellie,” you said and buried your face in your hands.

“I know,” Ellie empathized. She wasn’t the best at comforting, always getting awkward in serious situations. But what she offered was her ear, and that was all you needed.

“I mean, what the hell was that? Did you see how she grabbed me? What she called me? Why does she think she can just do that after everything?” You were trying to remain calm, which wasn’t easy with Ellie staring at you so sympathetically. “Why does she still act like I mean something to her?”

“Maybe it’s ‘cause you do,” Ellie suggested, placing her hand on your back and offering you some much needed physical comfort.

It really did not make any sense, Abby’s actions only managing to confuse you more. Could she really have cared about you? Was there still something there, or did she merely feel guilty for hurting you?

Now what you had planned to uplift your mood and ease your sorrow had been ruined by Abby’s presence. It seemed as though she haunted you everywhere, bringing nothing but ache and destruction alongside.

𑁍

Abby felt weak.

She had tried to avoid you, as she usually did, but the memories of what had occurred the other night played endlessly in her mind, fueling her with guilt.

She’d tried to make herself stop caring, convincing herself that you meant nothing to her and that what had happened the night prior did not affect her, but to no avail.

She cared about you, and that would never change. She could avoid looking at your face as much as she wanted, but your image was forever seared into her mind.

Today was a particularly gruesome one. You did not bother to hide the bruise that formed, and Abby didn’t fail to notice.

She had tried to walk up to you and apologize, each time cowardice and shame taking a hold of her and turning her back around.

The idea of speaking to you again after everything intimidated her, which was quite unusual for someone like Abby. She never anticipated a time would come where she would be apprehensive about facing you.

Unfortunately for her, you did not lack discernment. You noticed her reluctance in making her way to you; noticed the way she was internally battling herself.

You stood outside, bidding Ellie goodbye as she left to go back home.

When Ellie was finally gone, Abby walked up to you again, and you hoped for what seemed like the hundredth time that this time she would not turn back around. You didn’t know whether you planned to forgive her or not, but you still wanted her to speak to you.

When she noticed you looking at her as she made her way to you, she stopped at a halt and turned back around.

Her actions and timidity were beginning to frustrate you, but right as you were about to speak up, she turned around once again and walked towards you, this time faster, as if she wanted to get it over with before her apprehension got a hold of her once more.

“Hey,” she spoke, her voice laced with discomfort.

The gleam in her eyes changed as she got another look at your bruised cheek, feeling infinitely more guilty.

You didn’t reply and simply waited for her to get to her point. You wanted it to seem like it was because you were mad at her (and you were), but in truth you were at a loss for words.

Because she was here. She was speaking to you; she was looking at you. It took everything in you not to break down into tears at that seemingly insignificant act.

“So…” she trailed off, eyes scanning everywhere timidly. “I just wanted to say that I am so, so sorry. For hitting you, I mean. I swear, I meant to hit Ellie but you got in the way— not that I’m saying it’s your fault, because it wasn’t—” she was rambling now, her nerves getting the best of her. If you were any less hurt, you would laugh and call her cute.

“What the hell do you want, Abby?” You interrupted aggressively, which earned you a look of both shame and bewilderment.

“To… apologize?” She said it more like a question. She was slightly rendered uneasy by your anger, but she did not blame you in the slightest nor was she surprised. It only made the guilt grow into something more unbearable.

“Apologize, huh? Don’t you think you have other things to apologize for? You think this—“ you pointed at your bruised cheek, “is what hurt me?”

Abby took another look at your cheek. She didn’t reply. She looked down and crossed her arms, hugging her sides. Your eyes followed her hands and noticed the way she dug her nails into the skin of her hips, her knuckles slightly turning white.

You remembered all the times where you would scold her for that bad habit of hers, asking her why she’s so nervous and having her brush you off and ask you not to fret.

“Just let me-“

“No, Abigail. I don’t wanna fuckin’ hear you right now,” you interrupted. “You said you never wanted to see me again, so why don’t you just stick to your word?” Your heart broke into a few more pieces at the mention of that night, remembering all the things she had said and that distant tone in her voice. Her heart broke as well, remembering how cruel she was and the painful look on your face.

“Why do you have to be so damn confusing? Why are you contradicting yourself by saying you never want to see me again, only to keep looking at me with those fucking eyes, starting childish fights, calling me marigold, and now you wanna try to talk to me and expect forgiveness?” You were yelling at this point, letting everything spill out with no control or filter.

And Abby was quiet, understanding. She was listening. Her knuckles were turning whiter with every word you spoke, her eyes slightly glistening.

“You left me without a word. You never tried to talk to me about what happened, maybe we could have fixed it!”

“You wouldn’t-”

“No!” You interrupted again, not wanting to hear her voice and only spilling what has been bottled up inside you. “Don’t speak and let me finish! You didn’t talk to me, Abby. Do you have any comprehension of how terrible I felt? Did you enjoy knowing that I spent nights wondering how the hell I was supposed to fix what you destroyed?”

“I-”

“I’m not done! What made you think that you could just walk up to me and-”

“Stop!” She was the one to interrupt you this time. “I love you,” she said before she could think. It was said quietly, softly, and this time she was looking you in the eye.

That definitely shut you up. You stood there, gawking. You were trying to form words, but none came to mind. Your head was empty, but your heart was heavy, filled with emotions you couldn’t quite place.

Abby was clearly getting anxious by your lack of response, so she spoke again.

“I don’t know if you’ll accept my reasoning for what I did, but that’s it, and I’m sorry. I did it because I loved you. Because I love you.” Her voice was shaking slightly. She was afraid. It was painfully obvious.

“Why- why didn’t you tell me?” You stuttered, dumbfounded. Of all the possibilities you considered that might have been the cause of what happened, this was something that would have never crossed your mind. Not in a million years.

“Isn’t it obvious?” She laughed, though her voice held no humor in it, laden only with pain. “I didn’t wanna lose you. I was afraid I’d ruin what we have,” she said, digging her nails even deeper into her skin. “But now I already did.”

The last part was quiet, spoken slightly above a whisper. She no longer met your eyes, detaching herself from you almost completely. She was sure this was the last time you would ever speak to her again. This is where you would let her go.

It undoubtedly hurt and scared her to reveal herself to you; to finally speak the words that were sure to cause you to let her go, but she didn’t want to be selfish anymore.

She would face her feelings and allow you to leave because of it. The words you had just screamed at her did not fall on deaf ears and she would no longer leave you ignorant to the truth and pained from the untold.

You offered no response. Endless words and confessions played in your head, but none left your mouth. You felt frozen, but you also wanted to know what else she had to say.

Abby’s apprehension only grew at your silence. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I knew you wouldn’t take this so kindly but I just needed to get it off my chest and I am so, so sorry. I understand if you don’t wanna talk-”

Her profuse rambling was interrupted by your lips on hers. Your mouth didn’t move, only feeling the soft plush of her lips against your own.

The kiss ended as quickly as it came. Her eyes were wide and she was left gawking. “So that’s how I get you to shut up,” you joked.

“Fuck, come here,” she breathed. She grabbed your face and swiftly pulled it to hers, meeting your lips in another, more passionate kiss.

You pulled her in further by the collar of her shirt. You were so close that you could feel your hearts beating against each other. You could not imagine anything more intimate.

Her lips were slightly chapped, yet still soft and plush, and she tasted beautifully. It was as if the heavens had descended from the skies and given you a taste of its richest, most forbidden fruit.

You forced yourself to separate your lips so you could catch your breath. You pulled away and met her face, her eyes heavy and mouth slightly agape. She looked beautiful like this, all blissed out. The sun kissing her face reflected the gleam in her eyes like light beams in the sky. You smiled at the scene.

“I love you too, you idiot.”

“I love you, my marigold.”

𑁍

a/n: this took so fucking long I don’t even know if people are interested in reading it anymore but here it is

Taglist

@grey-jedi12

[elliesplug]

not to sound "woke" or anything (bc no one knows how to use that term properly) but it's tiring how exclusive fanfics are for black ppl. like when im reading a fic n the writer says something like "you blushed" or "she ran her fingers through your hair" even though it's a minuscule part of the story in the grand scheme of things, to me it is just a small reminder that im not accepted into these spaces or that my features aren't desirable enough to be described. it might be "just a fanfic" to u but all these little reminders build up over n over again n honestly it can js take the joy out of reading fics sometimes ngl.

[romanarose]

For the Longest Time: Chapter 9

William Miller x Fem!OC (Lorelei Giang)

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist :Playlist

Join my taglist!

Summary: A happy gathering devolves.

Warnings: Domestic violence, homophobia, transphobia, fighting, physical violence, blood, pregnancy talk, choking, PIV sex, talk of OCD, meds, orgasm struggles, fingering, JUST LOTS OF ANGST OKAY

AN/ here we gooooooo

*****************

Will had Lorelei on her hands and knees, naked on his bed as he fucked into her, his hand splayed on her butt and thumb fucking into her asshole. He was rough like she liked it, but always careful with her, knowing her limits. Will was conscious not to hurt her or the baby. At 8 months this was about the only comfortable position left. Will had assured her time and time again that they didn’t have to have sex… but he said it one too many times, making the woman who used to never cry break down in tears thinking that meant he thought she was ugly. Lorelei was very emotional these days. And incredibly horny.

It was fairly often Will woke up in the middle of the night (or day, depending if they were napping. Lorelei still worked and occasionally had to stay late still) to the buzzzzzzzz of her vibrator as she lay in bed with him.

That’s how today started. Several people had called in, and Lorelei didn’t want to leave the hospital understaffed so she stayed overnight, with the stipulation that she got to leave early on Thursday. Laci and Santi wanted to gather everyone, probably something to do with the wedding plans, and although Laci assured her it was okay she missed this, Lorelei wanted to be there. Lorelei wondered if they were going to postpone the wedding while they figure out whatever their issues are.

Lorelei and Will were taking a nap the afternoon before everyone was getting together at their bar, but Lorelei woke up from a sex dream, needy as all hell. She looked over to her loving boyfriend, sleeping so soundly and could not bare to wake him. The gentle giant, all 6’2 of him, was curled up under a fluffy white blanket looking downright angelic. Lorelei absolutely adored this, being able to watch him sleep… He worked so hard, he deserved it. He did so much for his family. It was nice to watch him rest.

But right now she needed a dick inside her, so she grabbed a dildo and vibrator from her bedside drawer, avoiding the gun she still kept inside, and tried her best not to wake Will.

That did not work, and neither did the attempt at an orgasm with her giant belly in the way.

When she groans in frustration, she hears Will chuckle next to her, and she turns to see a shirtless Will smiling at her.

 Over the last 2 months, Will had become comfortable being shirtless around Lorelei, but she noticed he still avoided situations where his bare back was to her if he could help it. In respect, Lorelei turned away whenever it was unavoidable, and she never touched him there. Will had explained what happened, how his dad would whip him so badly he’d have to miss school, bedridden while his mom tended to his wounds. Talking about the beatings he endured were hard, but he spoke almost mechanically, relaying the details. What was hard for him, where he choked up, was talking about his mom. Will loved him mom, he never blamed her outwardly… but there was a layer of betrayal in his voice at the idea that she never took him and Ben away, that Will was left to be the sole protector of his brother he was only 2 years older than. His mom was a victim of his dads abuse too, and with therapy he understands why she couldn’t leave… but that doesn’t change the scared boy inside him wondering why he wasn’t enough for his mom to protect.

Lorelei sighed, dropping her arms to the bed with the vibrator rumbling against the mattress and a dildo sticking out of her cunt.

“Is this funny to you?”

He chuckles. “A little bit.”

“You're laughing.” Lore pouts dramatically. “I can’t get off with two sex toys and you’re laughing?”

“I’m laughing,” William begins caressing her brown skin, trailing fingers over her swelling breasts and over her large stomach. “Because you can’t go more than a few hours without needing to get filled.” His voice dropped low, reaching for the dildo and sliding it backside. Lorelei moaned, her head dropping back as he slowly fucked her with it.

“Fuck, William…” Lorelei sucks in a deep breath, letting Will take over for her. Before, if she wanted to cum constantly she usually had to take matters into her own hands, but with Will, Lore could just allow him to handle it. Usually, Lorelei preferred to be on top, she liked control in one way or another and Will had been happy to give it to her, still keeping his bits of control in ways like guiding her hips rocking over him. Sex with William was akin to a dance, both of them working together for mutual pleasure. However, lately Lorelei has had less and less energy to be on top or in any sort of control, and has acquiesced to letting Will take care of her.

“Why didn’t you wake me, baby?” Will coo’s in her ear.

Lorelei whines. “You work so hard…”

Will chuckles a little bit. “Princess, you work 40+ hours a week 8 months pregnant. I volunteer part time. You can wake me if you wanna feel something other than cheap plastic in you.”

Lorelei mutters something about it not being cheap, panting as she lays there getting fucked. “You volunteer, you help the farm, you’re dealing with Ben and have been driving Laci around-”

 Santi was doing some consulting lately. With Laci and Frankie working and Ben and Will having their own personal lives busy, he’d confessed to being lonely, and was trying to keep busy. Not that he’d ever tell Laci that, god no. He didn’t want her to feel like she had to stay home. The 30 hour weeks were working for her. Laci can’t drive, so Will had been helping her out here and there. 

As for the farm, they had some hired help but Will was out there for long hours while Lorelei worked. He had wanted to sell the damn place, it was barely functional as it was and Mrs. Miller was getting ready to move off the property, but no buyers just yet. It was looking like harvest season was going to need to be manned by them. Ben wanted nothing to do with the farm, so he was no help. He existed in a stand of a constant buzz of alcohol anyway, and refused rehab.

Will cut her off with a kiss. “None of that matters more than my princess needing me.”

She melted into him, all her barriers were coming down with every day he continued to prove himself. She couldn’t wait to see him with Chloe… the idea of Will with a tiny baby made her think about getting pregnant intentionally. 

He’ll be a good dad. She just knew it.

That’s how she ended up on her hands and knees, coming on his cock 3 times and he was still going. 

“Fuck!” He grumbled, pulling out of her and sighing, but no orgasm. Will was suddenly avoidant, scooching off the side of the bed to get dressed.

“Will?” Lorelei asked, initially reaching for him, but remembering not to touch his back. She excited the other side of the bed to walk around in full view of him so no moved were sudden. There was no part of Lorelei that thought Will would hurt her. He hadn’t had flashbacks for years. But, she still was conscious of things that may trigger or discomfort him.

“Okay if I wrap us up?” She asked, stark naked but holding a blanket. Will nods, and she joins him at the end of the bed where she wraps and blanket around them both. “You okay?”

Will nods, eyes closed as he’s doing his breathing. His dick was softening, and it made Lorelei sad to know he was struggling. After the ball, Lorelei went with Will to his therapy appointment. Will only went once a month now. He signed up after the fated mission that lead them to rescuing Laci. Ben had been shot, leading to some poor behavior on Will’s part in his treatment towards Laci in the beginning, residual feelings about protecting his baby brother despite Ben’s capabilities as a soldier. He didn’t like how he was acting, so he was the first to go to therapy. Frankie came later after some encouragement from Laci, who is still in weekly therapy. 

Will addressed his issues quickly being the efficient and intuitive person he was. Straight to the point. He was going once a month, but had bumped it up to twice and was seeing a psych at Lorelei’s request. Part of it was because of his new diagnosis, but also because of the continued stress of Ben. Ben refused to get help for his eating, insisting there wasn’t a problem and just became more secretive. He wasn’t himself. Over the last few months, in addition to Laci’s mood swings, Ben had become far from the man who knew before Will. Gone was the ray of sunshine that beamed at her even beaten and bloodied from a bar fight. Ben wasn’t himself. 

He didn’t smile much anymore, barely laughed… she missed him loud, booming laughter. He never sang. She used to always know when he was in her hospital because he would sing as nurses wheeled him down halls or while trying to hit on them, respectfully, of course. He so clearly avoided Laci and sometimes straight up ignored her when she talked to him. This was because Alice hated her and accused Ben of cheating with his former best friend. It broke Loreilei’s heart to see Ben and Laci so sad and so distant. He was still her best man, Laci refused to back down from that, even when Santi suggested he be a bride’s man and Jana take over as maid of honor. They weren’t doing bachelorettes or anything like that, but Santi thought she might want someone next to her that-

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, Laci cut him off and it ended in a fight. Laci refused to give up on him, even if he abandoned her.

So, all this was naturally putting a lot of stress on Will. Only reprieve he had was when Frankie came over to watch sports. Frankie and Jana were thriving.

Will was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive disorder, and was placed on a high dosage of prozac that was being tapered up. It wasn’t easy on him at all, but he took it with stride, know the adjustment period was the hardest, saying Laci had mentioned last year struggling to find the right medications.

Right now, however, what drove him crazy was that sometimes, the medicine prohibited orgasms.

“You feeling okay?” Lorelei asked when he calmed down and opened his eyes. 

Will sighs. “Yeah, yeah, I guess.” He kisses her head. “Let’s get dressed.”

Lorelei watches as he gets up averting her eyes from his back and instead admiring his ass and the way it’s plumped just a bit.

“It’s fucking annoying.” He muttered, turned away from her. He talks better about his feelings when looking away. Even in therapy, she noticed he doesn’t look at his therapist.

She knew he was referring to being unable to orgasm. “I know, but it’s gotten better, hasn’t it? It’s only once in a while now. I don’t mean that to invalidate-”

Will turns around with a soft smile. “I know, Lore. You mean it’s better than it was when I started.”

She nods, relieved. She’s not used to comforting, but she’s doing her best for him. After he dresses, and he sees her still watching him with a hungry gaze, he throws an old shirt at her, knowing damn well she won’t be caught outside their home in that. “Get dressed, baby. We can go for round 4 after drinks.”

*

Laci was glowing. Her wedding only 2 weeks away, both her and Santi were laughing and smiling at the table looking ever-in love. Lorelei liked seeing them like this. Will and Lorelei walked in the same time as Jana and Frankie, and Will held the door open for all three of them (Frankie did a little curtsy and thanked Will in his ‘playing barbies with Rosie’ voice).

Jana was already begging Laci to tell her what the big meeting was, an edge of anxiety to her voice Will recognized and he locked eyes with Frankie. They were worried about the same thing he and Lorelei were, thinking the wedding was postponed. 

But Laci just smiled brightly, saying it was a good surprise, but she wanted Ben there. Santi locked eyes with everyone, and everyone locked eyes with everyone except Laci, knowing Laci was setting herself up for disappointment. Whatever reaction she wanted from Ben, she wouldn’t get.

“Well, he needs to hurry up, because we have an announcement too.” Jana turned to Laci and smiled.

Ben was an hour late, walking in with Alice and already looked drunk. He had bags under his eyes, his normally golden skin was pale despite the summer sun. He had gained weight, which wasn’t a bad thing but it was an sig he wasn’t going outside or to the gym. Bulimia tends to cause weight gain. This was not the Benjamin the girls knew. This Ben had been seen by Frank and Santi a few times over the years, but this was something Will was deeply and terrifyingly familiar with. This is the Benjamin their dad beat into him, the Benjamin after Cameron left, the Benjamin that was bullied so severely by people like Alice Will constantly worried for his brother’s safety. This was bad. 

Alice was with him. She was never invited, but somehow always tagged along. 

Will whispered to Frankie. “I think he’s on something, keep an eye out.”

Frankie passed it to Jana, and Jana nodded at Will. Jana and Frankie weren’t experimental with drugs, mostly weed and coke, but back in their party days they knew people on everything and were equipped, along with Lorelei, to recognize it. Laci too, having been an addict of all sorts of drugs and vices, but she had enough on her plate.

“Okay!” Laci said excitedly, bouncing in her seat as she held Santi’s hand. “Jana first!” 

Jana tried to hold off. “No, no Laci you gathered us, you go first.”

After some back and forth, Jana acquiesced and took her boyfriends hand, looking at him with a bright smile as Frankie looked at her adoringly. 

“We’re having a baby.”

The table erupted with congratulations, Laci and Santi jumping out of their chairs to hug their friends, Will and Lorelei following suit. As a shocked Laci teared up talking to Jana, Will observed Santi holding Frankie close, his hands so wrapped up and entangled in his hair that Frankie’s cap fell down. Frankie and Santi were never afraid to show each other affection, and Santi’s eyes even teared up, whispering how proud he was of his friend. 

Will joined in, hugging them both. “I’m so fucking happy for you.” Rosie’s pregnancy was an accident, a miracle that happened in a bad time and gave Will his little niece he loved so much, but this was something happening that showed how far both of them had come. Frankie and Jana were sober and the leather cusp Frankie wore on his wrist, a gift from Laci, hid the scars of how close Frankie came to not making it to this point. Look how much he had to live for.

Ben congratulated them sincerely, even Alice smiled and said congratulations, but Ben’s eyes were not bright and excited like when they announced Jana was pregnant with Rosie. The light was gone. Ben knew as well as the others how hard Frankie worked to get sober for his family, and it made Will want to cry to see him this dead inside. The Benny he knew would be whooping and cheering and announcing to the entire bar.

When everyone settled, Jana turned to Laci. “Okay sweets, what's your announcement?”

Laci and Santi immediately turned to each other, hesitating, then to the group

“Um… we can tell you guys another time, we don’t wanna hijack your announcement.

Frankie told them it was nonsense, that this was their get together and they were happy to share excitement with their friends. 

After some deliberation, Laci took a deep breath.

“I’m pregnant.” She says softly, but the giddiness radiating off her body. 

Jana whipped towards her, mouth agape. “What?!?!”

Santi pulls Laci’s whole chair closer so he can cuddle Laci up next to him. He looked as happy as someone can possibly be, like he was floating on air. He turned to Laci, placing a hand on her stomach. “Mi chica perfecta, having baby…” He kissed her forehead and held her as Will, Lorelei, Jana and Frankie got up to hug the couple. The whole time, being flooded with kind words, Laci’s eyes were locked on Ben’s who was stared at her, sad and blank faced.

Alice elbowed him. “Say something, you fucking asshole.”

Ben jumped, but mumbled a congratulations.

Jana was so excited to be pregnant at the same time as her friend. She expressed how amazing it was to have three of them pregnant at once, how the kids would all be friends.

As everyone settled again, Santi spoke again. “There’s one more thing, we um… we know what we’re having…” He said, smiling widely. Will had never seen Santi like this before Laci. Everyone likes to talk about what Santi’s done for Laci, taking a physically, sexually, and emotionally broken down woman and loving her for all her broken pieces, building her up to the person she is now, a woman who still has hardships but is joyful, strong, and empathetic. Thing is, the change in Santi is evident. He’s no longer a ball of anger and anxiety, no longer alone and depressed after his sister and mothers death. He’s content, excited for his future with his girl by his side and now a baby. Laci brought him peace he never knew he could have.

Lorelei spoke. “How… how is that possible?” She glanced at Laci’s stomach. She’d gained weight the last few months, but everyone just assumed it was the weight she was supposed to be putting on to be healthy anyway. They planned to try for a baby as soon as they were married, so Laci wanted to be at a healthy weight… it seemed her heavier eating had a different cause.

Laci explained. “We just had the appointment two days ago, we’re” She looked up to Santiago, eyes sparkling. “We’re having a boy.”

“Holy shit, Lace…” Frankie mutters, smiling. “That’s amazing guys. You got a name picked out yet?”

“Not totally.” Laci sighs. “We had one for a girl. We liked Juliette Josephina”

"Juliette is French,  Josephina is Spanish.” Santi adds.

“But we can’t figure out a boy's name.”

Santiago explains that the middle name is going to Antonio, after Laci’s late brother, Antoni. “So we just need a first name. Something, Antonio, Garcia.”

The shift in Laci’s body language and facial expression was clear. She looked confused, and Will heard Lore whisper, “Oh no.”

Santi was obvious to the shift until Laci turned to look up at him. “Garcia?”

He paused at that, looking at his fiance. “Yeah… Garcia. That’s my last name, munequita.” He jokes and gently nudges her, but Laci looks irritated, scooting away. Will caught Frankie’s eyes.

“I’m the last of my family’s name, baby. I don’t want it to die with me.”

Santi looked more confused, but also there was a slight edge to his voice. “Well, if you remember, I’m the last of my family too.” That was a mistake. Laci always remembered Santi’s dead family the same she did hers. The glare on Laci’s face showed she took that personal, but Santi didn’t stop. “They won’t even let us put a different last name than ours on his birth certificate, so I don’t really know what you’re talking about.”

Laci looked confused again, but when Lorelei sucked in a breath, Will turned to her for clarification while the couple had a stare-down.

Lorelei whispered. “I think Santi thought she was taking his last name…”

Oh fucking hell.

When the realization hit Laci, it showed on her face like all her emotions did. “I’m not taking your last name, Santiago...”

Everyone heard Jana groan and flop her head on the table. “Man, I wish I could drink.”

This time, Lorelei turned to Will, confused. Will clarifies. “She only calls him by his full name if she’s mad, or really um… frisky. So unless they are about to go to the unisex bathroom, it’s gonna be a long night.”

Ben stood up. “I’m getting drinks. Anyone else here suddenly pregnant or do you guys want a round?”

“The last thing you need is another drink” Alice chastizes, making Laci turn away from her brewing fight.

Laci. “Another? Ben, are you already drunk?”

Alice. “Mind your business.”

Santi. “Hey! Don’t talk to her like that!”

Ben. “Oh my god, shut the hell up, Garcia. Go figure why your fiance doesn’t want to marry you so badly she doesn’t want you last name.”

Frankie. “Ben!” But Ben was already walking to flag down a bartender, stumbling. Will began to stand, but Lorelei pulled him back. 

Santi turned to Laci, a sad, dejected look on his face. “You don’t want to marry me?”

Jana. “Don’t listen to Ben, Santito, he doesn’t know shit.”

Alice huffs.

Laci. “Of course I want to marry you! You’re the love of my life and the father of my son, I adore you, but Santiago, how could you just assume I’d take your name?”

Santi. “Because! Well… uh- well because-”

Laci. “Because I’m a woman and you’re a man? Santiago, you’ve never forced me into gender rolls-”

Santi. “Please stop calling me that.”

Laci. “You don’t listen to me!”

Santi took her hands, pulling her close with a desperate look in his eyes. He speaks quietly. “Lace, baby, I know you’re going through something right now, and the pregnancy has a lot of hormones-”

For the third time, Will and Frankie looked at each other. Rookie mistake.

Laci was not thrilled, called out Santi’s invalidating words and the couple continued going back and forth. Alice got up and joined Ben at the bar doing shots while the two couples left sat and relative quiet and drank their water and ate their food.

When Ben came back, him and Alice were drunk, handing out shots to Will, Frankie and Santi.

Frankie frowned. “Ben, you know I don’t drink.”

“Oh, right.” The blonde boy laughed, as if alcoholism didn’t nearly kill both of them. Ben grabbed the shot and took it before Frankie could stop him. Santi took his shot, and Will slid his to Santi.

Ben turned to Will, defensive. “What’s your problem?”

“I’m just not drinking is all.”

“Got something to do with the fact you have the same pills as Laci in your bathroom?”

A hush fell over the room, everyone turning to Will. They weren’t supposed to find out about that. 

“Will?” Laci’s small voice spoke through the surrounding voices of the bar. “Are you on prozac?”

Will sighs, but he feels Lorelei’s hand on his, and she whispers that he doesn’t have to talk about it. He knows if he doesn’t want to, she’d help change the subject or make an exit. But he decides he wants to. Laci, Jana and Frankie are so open about their struggles, he could open up just a little.

“I was diagnosed with Obsssive Compulsive Disorder recently and I started medication for it, and I’m back in therapy more regularly.” He spoke calmly, smooth. “It’s really not a big deal, I’m managing it, and Lore.” Will smiles at her fondly. “Is helping me.”

Ben watched him as he talked, still very drunk. “Well I guess this explains a lot.”

“Yeah, it really does. And it’s been nice getting help.”

“Why are you on prozac though? Isn’t it an anti-depressant” He asks.

“Prozac helps with OCD too”

“Doesn’t it, like... Kill your sex drive.”

Frankie smacks his palm to his face and Will sighs again.

“I’m not talking about this with you, especially not here.”

“Hey!” Ben raised his hands defensively. “Don’t get mad at me because you need pills”

Will rolls his eyes. “You literally are supposed to be on adderall”

Lorelei claps her hands together, attempting to change the subject. “Jana, Laci, how many weeks are you two then?”

Jana took the opportunity to distract the brothers. “I’m 10 weeks.” She turned to Laci. “Did you guys did the blood test to find out the sex earlier?”

Laci shook her head, smiling a bit again although avoidant of Santi’s touch. “Um… no, I’m actually 20 weeks.”

Everyone turned to gape at her. “Lace! Shit, how the hell did you hide it?” Jana looked at her stomach. She had a little bit of a stomach, but nothing that screamed pregnant.

Laci’s face fell. “Um… Well he’s um… we think he’s kinda small…” The pink in her cheeks deepens.

Alice speaks. “Are you not eating?”

“No! Of course I am! It’s just hard-”

“How is it hard, just eat-”

Santi sits up at that, defending his fiance. “Laci is doing everything possible to take care of our son. We got plenty of medical professionals, so we don’t need your input.”

Laci smiles at him again, then she gets more serious as she speaks quietly. “We wanted to keep it a secret as long as we could. I was cleared to try for a baby medically, but um… well…” She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Santi whispers that she doesn’t have to explain anything, but Laci wants to. “I miscarried… before.” She emphasized the before, and Will understood it was in captivity. Santi extended a hand, and Laci took it this time. “So we wanted to wait. But everything looked good at the last ultrasound, just small. But the doctor said there was no need to worry.”

Will saw Santi squeeze Laci’s hand, and smiled. No matter the what, Santi had her back. “How long have you known?”

She looked fondly at the man who’d become like an older brother to her, someone who reminded her so much of Antoni. Antoni was tall, blond and broad too. They looked nothing alike, save for the blonde hair, but Laci liked how safe she felt with her brother. She was always shy and sensitive, even as a child. Making friends was hard for her, and she was always a little strange. Antoni was her defense. No one wanted to mess with his little sister, no matter her awkwardness and occasional meltdowns.

 “A few days after the beach trip, but before the funeral. That’s why I wasn’t feeling good and left early. I was a little worried I’d played too hard at the beach.” Laci laughed a little. “Like when I fell off your shoulders.”

“I’ll be honest.” Ben said, still avoiding looking at Laci. “Until I saw Lore swimming that day, I thought pregnant women couldn’t swim.”

Will laughed as she saw Jana close her eyes, take a deep breath, and turn to him with a smile. “Pardon me, Benny boy?” She giggled.

Benny raised his hands in defense, laughing. “Hey don’t blame me! I got 2000’s bible belt sex ed!”

Lorelei poked her boyfriend. “So did Will, but he certainly knows his way around a vagina.” Oh boy, did he.

“Oh trust me.” Ben chuckles. “So do I.”

Jana looks at Ben. “Benjamin, baby, are you registered to vote?”

“Sure am!”

She turned to the girls, laughing. “This is why we gotta vote, ladies! Men will know absolutely nothing about women’s bodies and then make choices on our reproductive rights!”

“Don’t look at me! I voted blue!”

But Will saw right away this was not something Alice knew. She turned to him. “You vote democrat?”

Ben’s face fell. Instantly he looked panicked. “Well… I mean the last election… 2020 was a weird time…” He seemed to try to backtrack. Will watched carefully, trying to focus on Lorelei’s hand squeezing him in time. He counted the squeezes of her hand to calm himself, trying to not butt in right away. Part of Will’s therapy was learning he didn’t have to carry everything on his shoulders, and he didn’t have to step in for every little squabble within his family. 

However, if Jana had one flaw, and she had very few, it would be an inability to backdown. She spoke to Alice, serious now. “Are you telling me you vote republican?”

Alice scoffed. “Yeah, me and most of the state of Florida. What, you thought I was some blue haired liberal? Unlike you, I got a real degree and didn’t walk out of college brainwashed.” She glared at Jana, and Frankie sat up. He wouldn’t insert himself where Jana didn’t want him, but if Alice disrespected her, he’d stand by his woman.

Jana laughed out loud, a short, clipped laugh that made Santi cringe. He’d been on the other end of that laugh before, and it was never good. “A real degree?”

“Yeah.” Alice challenged. “A real degree. Not some gender studies bullshit.”

“OOOHH! That’s what it is! You’re mad I have a bachelors in Women and Gender studies. Well, even if it wasn’t a real degree, which it is, I have a masters and am working on a doctorate.”

“Yeah, a doctorate program you flunked out of because you’re a crackhead!”

“HEY!” Frankie barked. “Don’t fucking talk to her like that!”

But Alice ignored him. “Where’s your daughter, Jana? How often do you see her?” She continued to talk despite Frankie and Santi telling her to shut the fuck up. Santi wouldn’t stand by anyone talking shit about Jana, especially her mothering of his goddaughter. “You’re perfectly happy to leave your child all day to work and leave her at a fucking day or have her father babysit him while you try to girlboss your way through the corporate ladder.”

“Corporate ladder?” Jana gawks. “I work at a non-profit! Don’t fucking dare act like I’m some cold hearted corporate woman in a hallmark movie spending hours in an office over time with my family when I am trying to help homeless youth-”

“You're spreading an agenda!”

There was silence, a deadly calm as Jana processed what she said, eyebrows raised. “An… agenda… are you saying what I think you’re saying…”

Will took more breaths. Lorelei asked him if he needed to step out but he said no. He was being quiet for now, but he loved Jana with his whole heart and would stand by her too. He looked to Ben, hoping he’d fucking say something, hoping he’d choose Jana who he’s know for years, whose daughter he’s helped raise, who’d do fucking anything for him above Alice, but he knew it was futile. If he let Alice pull him away from Laci, from him, she had him completely.

Alice didn’t look at anyone other than Jana. “Yeah, the gay agenda. Homeless gay teens don’t need a shelter and hormones, they need to be sent home!”

“TO PARENTS THAT KICKED THEM OUT!”

“Parents have rights! I know the left likes to force being gay and trans on kids-”

“HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WHEN YOU’RE DATING BEN!”

Everything was quiet, and Will felt like the life had been sucked out of the room. His chest tightened when the look on Alice’s face revealed what Will had wondered. 

Alice doesn’t know.

She looked confused. “Ben… isn’t gay…”

Jana, caught up in her anger didn’t catch up, even as Frankie whispered her name. “Yeah, okay, he’s bi, same difference but-”

Jana was irrelevant now, turning to face a wide-eyed Ben. “Benny, what the fuck is she talking about.”

Will didn’t know what was going on, what was happening, but he recognized something in Ben. Fear. “Ben, hey, let’s step out-” He stood, wanting to separate Ben from what was happening, but Ben shrugged him off.

“Fuck off! I’m not gay! Or bi, or- or any of that!”

A tiny voice whispered sadly. “Benny…” Laci’s eyes filled with sadness, a sadness Will felt in his own chest as he watched his brother crawl back into the closet after only just being out.

Then, Jana realized what she did, gasping and covering her mouth. Frankie put a reassuring hand on her thigh, but watched the scene unfold in front of him. Jana didn’t mean to out Ben, she had assumed Alice knew.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Ben?” Alice spat, disgust in her voice as she looked him over.

“Baby, no, it’s not like that! It was, I went through a phase...”

Laci looked desperately at the man who used to be her best friend, not understand how he could want to be with someone who didn’t love him as he was… but somehow, she also got it. Before Santi, Lacina was so desperate for love, for affection, she took it wherever she could find it, even if that came with drugs and abuse and living on streets sometimes. It didn’t matter to her. She took the love she thought she deserved. Now, now she knows she deserves nothing less than Santi, in all his adoration. How could Ben not understand he deserved so much more than Alice? He deserved to be loved wholly and completely

“Benny, stop” She said, tearing up.

But Ben snapped at her. “Stay the fuck out of this!” He yelled with a glare, and winced as Santiago stood up quickly out of his chair. 

“Apoligize to her, you fucking dickhe-”

“Santi STOP!” Laci yelled, crying, then turning back to Benny even as her body was shaking with anxiety. She was going to get her words out, even if she had to sign them. Benny was the one who taught her and Santi, after all. “Benny, don’t do this-”

“Laci, just stop talking-”

“I don’t understand! I don’t understand why you let her talk to you like this, why you let her do this to you! You used to be my best friend and now you don’t even talk you me! How are you supposed to be my best man when we havn’t spoken in months!”

“Maybe I don’t want to be in your fucking wedding!”

Around them every person in her group had something to say to Ben: Will, Lorelei, Santi, Jana, Frankie, but Laci only saw Ben, the anger in him as her broke her heart.

“I WANTED YOU TO BE MY SON’S GODFATHER, BEN! I WANTED YOU TO BE THERE AS HE GOT BAPTIZED!”

Santi was momentarily distracted, looking at her confused. “Baptized?”

But Laci and Ben ignored him. “Well I don’t! And I don’t want to fucking talk to you!” Ben got up, nearly falling over as he stormed away. Will tried to follow after him, but Ben shouted at him to go away. Alice followed after.

Laci was shaking. Jana looked guilt stricken as she covered her face with her hands, taking deep breaths as Frankie soothed her, telling her she’s an amazing mom and doing amazing work. Lorelei stood by Will, holding his hands and guiding him through breathing exercises. Santi was knelt at Laci’s side, holding her as she cried. 

“You did amazing, munequita, I’m so proud of you.”

After a few moments, her body tensed, moving away from him. When Santi sensed she didn’t want her touch, he let go.

“I want our baby baptized, Santi. We’re baptizing him.” She mutters, sounding angry.

Santi blinked at her. “I- baby, can we talk about this?”

“What’s there to talk about? We were both raised catholic.” She was avoidant, not looking at him or anyone, just staring at the floor, frowning. It was so strange for Will to see her like this, for her to be so closed off and angry as Santi attempted to communicate calmly. Santi is not known to be level headed in these situations. 

Santi took a breath, considering his words carefully as he tried to open up dialoge. “Lacina, you know, you know I would do anything for you-”

“So let me have this!”

He blinked at her yelling, clearly hurt, but he and Laci had always communicated before and he didn’t want to stop now. “But you can’t just make these choices for our son without asking me. We don’t go to church, Lace. I’m not saying we can’t baptize him, if it’s important to you of course we can but… But Lace, that’s something we need to decide together.”

Suddenly, she turned to her fiance, glaring at him. “I don’t need to ask your permission about my baby, Santiago!” She spat as she stood up, and Santiago stood with her.

Despite his hurt, he spoke calmly towards her. Santi never raised his voice to her. “Our baby, Laci. Our baby.”

“Whatever.” Laci shook her head, walking away. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Santi began to walk after her, knowing she can’t be alone in public, but to his surprise she shouted at him to leave her alone.

*

Laci’s face burned with embarrassment and tears as she tried to avoid eye contact with people in the bar. She was radiating anger, and right now it was directed at Santi but she knew that’s just because he was the easier target. It’s easier than admitting how badly Benny hurt her. He was her best friend, he was the first person she spoke to when the others rescued her and the first person to treat her normal. While the others talked to her like a scared wet cat, he would come over and put on Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Santi tried to put on the show recently, knowing how much she missed watching it with him, but it just made Laci cry.

She missed him, and she hated the person she’d become recently. She was angry, all the time and she took it out on Santi… her loving, wonderful fiance. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she didn’t deserve him. Maybe she deserved what she had gotten before, the love that hit her, got her addicted, sold her. Santi deserved better.

As she passed a hallway, she heard Ben’s voice and couldn’t help but look up. What she saw… it made a lot of things clear. 

Alice and Ben were arguing, but that wasn’t unusual. What struck her, what compelled her to keep watching was how scared he looked. And then it happened.

Alice threw a punch, and right away Laci knew it wasn’t the first time. He barely reacted. Instead, Ben just stood there, letting him hit her. Despite everything she endured, despite her PTSD, her fear, despite the height Alice had on her and the violence she wasn’t afraid to enact on someone over a foot taller than Laci was, Laci did not hesitate. She ran up to them, placing herself in front of Ben to block him from Alice’s blows.

Alice looked enraged, and Laci felt Ben’s arm on her trying to move her away. “Lace, please, go.”

“No!” She turned slightly to bed to see his saddened and worried face, desperate to get her away from Alice, but she didn’t budge.

Alice glared at the small woman. “Mind your business!”

“He is my business! I don’t care how much he hates me, he’s still my friend and you don’t get to hurt him!”

“Oh yeah, your friend.” Alice said, disbelievingly. 

“Yes, Alice, my friend! I don’t want him! He and I had a whole year before you showed up, months before I was dating Santi for us to date if we wanted to but we don’t! I don’t want him like that! I’m engaged to a wonderful man and I had hoped that Ben would find someone to be happy with but instead it’s YOU.”

Alice crossed her arms. “Maybe it’s not you I need to be worried about, maybe it’s Santi.”

Laci felt more confused than ever. “You are so insecure! Santi is his friend!”

Ben saw it coming before Laci did and tried to move her out of the way. It wasn’t fast enough, and between Ben moving her and Alice’s swing, Laci was knocked to the ground.

*

Santi went to follow her after a few minutes, just in case she ran into trouble again in the halls. She was angry, and she hurt his feelings, but he worried she’d calm down and become afraid. He never wanted her to feel afraid, never again. He just wanted to talk to her, he wanted to sit down and talk without it becoming a fight. The baptism wasn’t the issue. Of course he’d agree to that. Hell, they could go to mass every week and begin practicing if that’s what she wanted. He knew she still prayed sometimes. Whatever she wanted was hers, he always said that… and maybe that’s where he should have communicated.

 It wasn’t that his priorities changed when she told him she was pregnant, it was that they grew. Laci had been his number one for a year and half, everything was for her. Next came Frankie, then the rest of his family: Jana, Ben, Will, Rosie, in no order. Now, however, he had his son to think of, and Laci and him couldn’t make choices on their own, not regarding him. It had to be a family choice.

Santi didn’t see it happen very clearly. He barely saw it at all. All he knew was Ben moved, and now Laci was on the floor with a bloody lip. Santi was triggered back to that day so long ago the day he found her tied up in a basement with that cut on her forehead, bleeding. Now she was bleeding again, because he didn’t protect her. He saw red.

“YOU’RE A FUCKING DEADMAN, MILLER!”

*

Lorelei was just behind him. She told Will to sit there with Frankie and Jana and she’d check in on everyone else, knowing Will needed to calm down. When she heard Santi’s threat, it didn’t matter what had happened, she knew she had to get between Santi and the man who she knew was her future brother-in-law.

Before Santiago could swing, all 5’3 of Lorelei stood between the two men, Santi’s fist pulled back.

“Lorelei, move, now.” He said, fury in his voice indicating he was just barely holding on to his restraint. 

“No! You need to cool down, Garcia!” She’d faced down Santi once before, stared at the barrel of his gun. She wasn’t afraid of his fist. She didn’t think Santi would hurt her, but she’d heard and seen what he had done to people who’ve harmed Laci before. She wasn’t sure if she was enough to stop that explosion.

“MOVE!”

“Or what!? You’ll hit a pregnant woman?” Lorelei challenged.

Santi scoffed at that in disgust. “No! I’m not Ben”

That took Lorelei by surprise and she looked to Laci. The girl was frozen, clearly compartmentalizing as she sat on the floor, her pink dress staining with blood dripping from her mouth. If Ben did that to the poor girl half his size, Lorelei was going to beat his ass herself. But she’d broken up enough ER fights to know that one cannot simply go off the word of one person. Ben, however, was not denying anything as Alice stood behind him.

“I’m not moving until you calm the fuck-”

Before she had a chance to stop it, she heard Jana yell a warning to Santi but it was too late. Will yanked Santi back and threw him against the wall, wrapping his hands around his neck. He wasn’t choking him, but he easily could.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!” He bellowed, loud and angry.

Santi didn’t back down, even knowing what Will was capable of and that he used to have blackouts.

“Ben hit Laci!”

Will turned to see Laci, Jana knelt beside her, holding her comfortably while Frankie stayed close to them both in the chaos, and anger at his brother surged, but that wasn’t the point. Santi was not the arbitrator of justice, not to Ben and certainly not to Lorelei.

“How FUCKING DARE YOU raise your hand to her!” His fist tightened, just a bit. 

“I WASN’T GOING TO HIT LORELEI! Jesus! I’m gonna beat Ben’s ass, and yours if you don’t move!”

Frankie walked to them, trying to pull Will away. He recognized that white-hot anger, and he sympathized with both of them. If someone put their hands on or raised a fist to Jana, he’d feel the same. But someone needed to be the voice of reason before they killed each other.

“You’re not beating anyone’s ass, Pope, and you fucking know it.” He placed a hand on his shoulder. “Will could fucking fold you.”

“HE HIT HER!” 

“William.” Lorelei spoke softly, her hands sliding over Will’s. The backs of her fingers were on Santi’s neck and she could feel his rapid pulse. “William, baby, you need to let him go.”

Will took a breath. “But he-”

“I know, baby. I know. But he didn’t touch me, and you know damn well he wasn’t going too.”

Loosening his gasp, Santi started to say something but Lorelei shushed him. “You understand where he’s coming from, right? His pregnant fiance is bleeding, you understand why he’s so angry.”

He did. He got it. It’s the ame anger he felt when he saw Santi’s fist raised to Lore, but she was right. He was never going to hit her, and certainly not 8 months pregnant. Santi wasn’t like that. He let go, still fuming, but also confused. Benny had been a prick lately, a fucking dumbass, but he’d never been the type to hit a woman. Every bar fight he was in was with men. 

Ben protected women. Benny loved Laci, he knew he did. Why would he hurt her? Laci was scared silent, going nonverbal from the shock and barely looked like she was mentally here. She looked at the floor, eyes glassy as she sat on Jana’s lap. Jana held her tightly, giving her the pressure she needed to hopefully prevent a panic attack. Hell, Will might kill Ben himself. 

When he let go and stepped back, he saw Santi make a move to go at Ben again who ws stand silently to the side, but Frankie’s hand on his chest held him in place.

“You got nothing to say, Ben?!” He shouted, the words echoing off the walls of the short hall. “You fucking coward! So miserable in your own life you take it out on someone whose loved you un-fucking-conditionally despite everything! FUCK YOU!”

Jana spoke from where she held Laci tightly. The blonde girl was in shock, no even crying like she normally does. “Santi!” She called him to look down. “Your girl needs you.” 

When Santi turned and saw his precious fiance on the floor, bleeding, his heart broke. He needed to take her to the hospital, he needed to take care of her. Laci didn’t want Benny hurt. Laci’s defended Ben to him before, she loves him. That’s not what she wants. Right now, he recognized the look in her eyes… She needed him to be present.

Santi pushed past Frankie’s hold and knelt down beside her, his touch careful on her hands and his soft. “Hey, Miss Lacina.” He said with a gentle smile. “It’s just me, Santi. I’m gonna take you to the hospital, okay?”

She gave the tiniest nod, so he continued. “I’m gonna pick you up, and I’m gonna be very, very careful. Does anything hurt?”

She signed ‘my face’

He nodded. “Yeah, I Bet it does, princess.”

Santi scoops her up in his strong arms, Jana rescinding her responsibly into capable hands. Laci wrapped her arms around his neck and legs around his middle, dissociating but knowing him. She trusted in his voice, his smell, his touch even when she knew nothing else. Next, Frankie bent down and slung an arm around Jana’s middle to help her up. 

Santi turned to give one final word to Ben, holding Laci up under her bottom and pointing his non dominant hand at Ben. “Don’t come to the wedding, and don’t you ever come near my wife and child again.”

“Santi.” Frankie nudged Santi along, arm still around Jana. Frankie shot one last look back to Ben, worried, and left with the others. Now, Lorelei couldn’t understand sign language outside of some basics she’d learned, but she could recognize it. It was subtle, like she was whispering to Ben. Lorelei saw Ben nod, and then she was gone.

The two couples were left, Lorelei kept holding Will’s hand, knowing he needed it as he turned around to face Ben, angry. He’d protect Ben from Santiago, but she knew he was damn pissed about him hurting Laci.

“What. The fuck. Was that.” Will seethed at his younger brother.

Alice looked up at Ben and mouthed something to him that Will and Lorelei couldn’t read. 

Ben hesitated, but looked rapidly between Lorelei and Will before becoming avoidant. “Nothing.” He muttered and tried to walk away.

“No!” Will held out a hand, stopping him. “Did you hit her?! Did you actually knock a pregrant women, Laci of all fucking people, to the fucking floor? Jesus Ben! We thought you were better than that!”

Grabbing Alice’s hand, he shoved past Will. “Fuck off.”

“THIS WHAT YOU WANT, BEN? TO HURT WOMEN?” Will shouted, starting after him, but Lorelei held him back. “YOU WANNA BE DAD, NOW?”

Lorelei watched Ben and Alice leave, but somehow, she couldn’t believe this was the full story. Ben was not like that. Her intuition said something was wrong.

*

It was a few hours later. Lorelei and Will were up watching I love Lucy, Lore between Will’s legs on the couch. Despite being horny as hell, Lorelei could read a room and did not initiate. So, she simply laid with him and tried not to squirm. It was, frankly, hot seeing Will defend her like that, knowing that he’d do anything for her and Chloe. Seeing his throw Santi up against the wall for even looking like he might hurt her… goddamn…

“You're horny, aren’t you?” His voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Goddamn it. Am I that predictable?”

He chuckles. It was nice to hear him laugh after tonight. “A little. But mostly, it was kinda hot watching you stand up to Santi like that. Remember the day you first met him?” 

“How could I forget.” She can feel him laugh, then he sighs.

“I’m supposed to be in his wedding in two weeks. I don’t know how we get past that.”

“He told Ben to stay away, not you.”

“But I almost choked him out Lore…” Will groaned, feeling ashamed of his actions. 

“You did it to protect me and Ben, Santi will understand. And he was doing what he did to defend Laci. I think you both can understand each other.”

A brief pause. “I just can’t believe he did that… To Laci of all people, christ, that girls been through enough.”

“Yeah… and god damn, that whole part before?” She shook her head. “Shit show. Bet Jana feels awful.”

“She didn’t mean to. Ben’s been out for a while, a last to everyone except our family. She just assumed his long term girlfriend would know.”

Lorelei flopped her head back on Will’s chest. “Watching him walk himself back into the closet… that was hard to watch.”

“Don’t I know it…”

She turned to look up at him. “You doing okay, baby? As good as you can?”

He sighed “Yeah… looks like the meds are working, at least a little.” Will kissed her temple, his hands slowly started to caress her sensitive breasts.

“Mmmmmmm” She moaned, but made her best attempt at making him not feel like has too. “We don’t gotta do nothing just because I’m horny, babe. You had a bad night.”

Will kissed her neck. “Just wanna give you one on my fingers. Get my mind off things.”

Lorelei smiled. She wasn’t going to protest if he really wanted too. “Okay.” She relaxed into him as he slid his hands into her pj pants.

It was just started to get good when his phone rang, and she groaned.

“I’m gonna ignore it.” He promised, but the strain in his voice told her he wanted to answer.

“Go ahead, answer it. We can pick up later.” She pulled his hands out of his pants. It could be a number of people, including but not limited to the girl who took a fall in her second trimester and had to go to the ER. Lorelei remembered how scary that was for her when she fell.

Will pulled his hand out of her pants, still wet with her slick and grabbed his phone.

It was Santi. He sighed. He wanted to start with ‘what the fuck do you want’ but there was a more important issue. “How’s Laci and the baby?”

‘Their fine. Laci’s um… startled. Isn’t talking yet. But they are fine. She’s sleeping right now. She was… she was able to sign, though and… well she explained what happened. Ben tell you anything?’

Will looked to Lorelei who was listening in. “No, he just um… walked away.”

They could both hear him sigh loudly over the phone. ‘Listen man, we gotta talk.’

****************

:((((((((((((((((( BENNNYYYYYYYYYY

Tell me all your thoughts! Santi and laci fighting, jana and alice, etc etc etc

Laci is largely meant to be in the wrong here, but she’s spent a lot of chapters of several series being “perfect” and now she’s going through this plus pregnancy, Alice’s bullying and losing Ben, she’s not acting like herself.

And Ben…. Oh Ben.

I started cry writing Ben and laci fighting, Ben putting himself back in the closet broke my queer heart

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @kirsteng42

[rrickgrrimes8]

Your Bear Part II

summary: you are found (part I)

Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Tommy Miller x niece!reader

warnings: angst, reunion, violence, infected, happy ending :))

not sure if i like this as much as the first part but i hope yall do. i just want to thank you all for the response to my past few fics (especially your bear). its been unreal. i stopped writing for a while and these were my first ones back so this was an insane response to it! thank you so much for your love and appreciation it really does mean a lot!

also! i tagged basically everybody who left a comment asking for part 2 - sorry if thats annoying idk ive never done a taglist before. thanks for the comments tho :) 

masterlist

request guidelines (new)

requests are open

word count: 2.3k

22 Years Ago...

The world around you screamed for help. People ran around, skin on fire, missing massive chunks.

You wailed as they passed, hands tightened around your ears. You just wanted to find help. You wanted to save Sarah. This wasn’t what you expected.

“D-ad,” You cried, hiccupping, “D-addy!” You missed his touch. You missed his voice and his face. His laugh. You just wanted your daddy.

But which way had you come from?

You stood, idle, in an alley way you didn’t recognize, a man lay a few feet beside you. Blood seeped from his neck, running to kiss the tips of your shoes.

He twitched.

Your breath caught in your throat, the hair on your neck stood high. “D-daddy,” You whimpered, quieter than before, “Please.”

He looked at you now. His face grotesque, the shape of jagged teeth marked his greyish skin. White, stringy tendrils extended out of his mouth as he crawled to you – his legs being left behind as he did.

You screamed when his nails scratched against your shoe. In the panic, your bear fell from your grasp, landing in the bloodbath.

You tried backing up from the monster, but his hand stopped you. His claws captured your ankle.

You didn’t realise you were falling until your back hit the wet ground. You let out a shriek as he trailed up your body. “P-please,” You sobbed, “D-ad! D-addy!”

The creature didn’t even flinch. He opened his jaws further, searching for your small neck, ready to mark you just as he had been.

But a shot sounded off and his weight settled on your petite body.

A strong force tugged him off you, the same force pulling you into their arms. You wailed, fighting against the stranger’s grip.

“It’s okay, sweetgirl, you’re okay,” She told you, rushing you away from the scene, “You’re going to be okay; I promise.”

x

You didn’t know what to make of Jackson. It was nice, you supposed. Weird though. It felt like what you imagined before felt like. Not that you remembered much. You remembered how loud cars were, how the TV remote worked, how to strum a guitar.

You remembered your sisters voice, her hair, how smart she sounded even if you didn’t understand a word.

You wished you remembered your dad. He was a blur to you. Like you had missed a chapter of a book and now a new character had no face. You remembered his laugh though. It was sweet, slow. Like a lullaby. You recalled being held to his chest and feeling the vibrations.

You wished you remembered your dad. 

Sarah had settled in quickly, at least that’s what you thought. She was happy to be around people other than her mom (you tried not to internalise it all that much).

In the week since you arrived Sarah had grown attached to the strangers that took you under their wing. You still weren’t so sure. But when Sarah made grabby hands to the older man and all she got was a dejected smile in response a part of you hurt. You didn’t understand why.

They’d kept their distance or rather he had. Ellie came round every day. She loved Sarah. She loved you, even if, like Joel, you were a little rough around the edges.

But for a reason unbeknownst to you Joel couldn’t be in a room with you for longer than five minutes. You didn’t let it bother you too much. You couldn’t. You didn’t want to make trouble and get the pair of you kicked out or worse separated. 

Ellie had come to you earlier that day, smile wide, cheeks rosy. She had a glint in her eyes, a plan. One you really didn’t want to know about nor be a part of.

Excitedly, she told you about the couple who lived across from her and Joel - his brother. Tommy and Maria and the somewhat new addition of Lily, their little girl. Ellie had told them about you - although missing out some of the major minor details. They agreed to have you over she had said. And despite the age difference between Lily and Sarah the older girl was excited to meet her.

So, there you stood, Sarah shielded from the cold into your chest. You raised your hand awkwardly, knocking a little harder than you expected.

A woman opened the door. She was beautiful, smiley, friendly. You couldn’t tell if that was a façade or not. That made the nerves in your stomach stiffen. “C’mon in, sweetheart,” Maria ushered you inside after she confirmed it was you.

You forced a smile for her, “Nice place.”

Maria nodded, looking around the room proudly, “Thank you.” She urged you to take a seat, letting you know her husband, Tommy, was just dressing Lily.

“So, you’re younger than I thought you would be,” She confessed, “Not to be rude or anything.”

“No, it’s okay,” You cleared your throat, sitting opposite her, Sarah making a home on your lap, “I’m 27.”

“Wow,” She smiled, “And what about her?”

You stroked the top of Sarah’s head, where her hair had slightly begun to grow, “Couple weeks now.”

Maria shifted ever so slightly in her seat, unspoken sympathy in her eyes, “And the father?” You stilled, escaping her gaze you looked towards the coffee table, taking inventory of the odd books they had. “I’m sorry,” She spoke quietly, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“N-no,” You cleared your throat sheepishly, “There isn’t... her dad did what he had to.” You still remembered his screams.

“I’m sorry,” Maria frowned, hands soothing over her jeans, wishing Tommy would appear to aid the situation.

“Don’t be,” You said earnestly, “He got us here, right? One way or another...” Maria wasn’t sure you really meant that. The lost look in your eyes told her what she needed to know. As did your shaking knee. You’d give anything to have him back. She bit her lip, somewhat guessing the rest.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” A males voice cut through the tension, “Wouldn’t stop squirming for the life of me.”

Maria chuckled opening her arms to grab Lily, introducing you as she did. He blanched hearing that name. He near screamed seeing that face - your face but so much different, so much more mature.

Tommy blinked a few times, wondering if his eyes were deceiving him. He whispered your name carefully, as if you were a wild animal, prone for violence.

Maria gave him an odd look, moving Lily over to you and Sarah. “And this is our sweetheart, Lily,” She told you as Lily began fussing relentlessly in her arms, desperate to touch the baby.

“Baby,” She cooed.

“Yeah, that’s right,” You mused, croakily, inching closer to the pair, “This is Sarah, Lily.”

Tommy wanted to throw up. He felt it dancing up his throat, teasing his uncertainty. He felt stuck. He truthfully didn’t know what to do or what to say. Should he straight out ask you? You didn’t seem to recognise him though. Maybe it was a clone? A doppelgänger? Should he run over to Joel’s for safety away from this confusion? 

Joel.

Did Joel know? He had to know. He needed to know.

“Tommy what’s wrong?” Maria called to him. He choked a little, eyes trailing over to the plaque that watched over their new life. The plaque he knew had no place for your name. He knew it. You were here.

Maria followed his gaze, a weird feeling in her chest as she saw her husband so unlike himself. She read Joel’s daughter’s name. Sarah. Was he freaked out because they shared the same name?

She gulped - it wasn’t just the baby whose name was shared but yours too it seemed. You couldn’t be, right? No- You died. Joel was so sure you died and despite all Tommy had told her, all the hope he had for you, she always found herself on Joel’s side. Funny that. Any other situation she would’ve made a point to oppose the eldest Miller.

But now... You were just five. You couldn’t have survived on your own. You wouldn’t have had a life in this world.

But again, hadn’t you said you were 27?

“Go,” She told him, firmly, “Make sure.” Tommy nodded, failing to hide his tears as you watched in confusion and darted out of the room with a sense of urgency that unsettled your stomach.

“Is everything okay?”

Maria’s attention snapped back to you, “Fine... everything’s fine.”

A disconcerting feeling swam under your skin and a sudden resolve to flee hit you. “I- We should probably go,” You mumbled, bringing Sarah to your chest once more.

“Wait, please,” She attempted, “Just wait.”

You shook your head, apologising softly before rushing out of the house. You caught eyes with two men across the road - Joel and Tommy. They stood on his porch, seemingly arguing with each other.

You spotted Ellie watching through the window, a guilty look on her face - what had she done?

The brothers stared at you as you left the home. Their eyes didn’t leave you for a second. Tommy called your name, desperately but when he moved to catch up with you, Joel pulled him back.

He clenched his jaw as you rushed back to your home, out of sight. “She was my niece, Joel,” He scowled, “My fuckin’ family too.”

Joel shook his head, shaking off the shame Tommy was trying to force on him.

“You don’t get to keep this kind of thing from me,” He yelled, “You- You are unbelievable, Joel.”

“Unbelievable?” He mocked, “Is it so unbelievable that I didn’t want to advertise to the whole goddamn town that she was my daughter when, hell, I don’t even know if she really is!”

“Bullshit,” Tommy spat, “You’re not stupid. You knew. Of course, you fucking knew. You knew like how I knew. One look. That’s all it woulda took you. No… you knew. You were just too scared - like always. And that, your selfishness, takes us all down with you.”

“Fuck you,” He grunted, storming back inside.

“Christ,” Tommy mumbled, turning back to his own home. 

You had a baby.

You were here, alive.

x

You steered clear from the group for a little while afterwards. The whole situation made you heart clench. It felt like a game that you didn’t know the rules of, but they did. All of them did and they were careful not to reveal anything. But you wanted to know - you needed to.

You knew it involved Joel or at least you felt like it had to. The way he looked at you when you first met. The way he spoke. The way he shook. It had to be him. He had to be the answer.

You gave up on your attempts to avoid them when you came to that realisation.

The same realisation that brought you here, at his front door in the middle of the night. You shyly knocked a few times - no response. You repeated the action with a little more force, a little too much. The door creaked open on the contact, but no one came to greet you.

You sucked in a harsh breath as you debated entering. The door was open right? Fair game? Silently you forced yourself to step inside.

Their home was dark - one lamp lighting a whole room. You frowned looking over to it. Someone had to be here, right? Where else would they be so late?

And then you saw him. Joel. The contradictory man. He was asleep. His body was sprawled all over the couch, an empty bottle of God knows what lay beside him as did what looked like... a bear?

Shakily, you took a step forward, his name dying in your throat as you saw the bear in a better light.

It was... yours.

Why would Joel have your bear? The bear that when you were a child was essentially an extension of you. The bear that chased away all the bad dreams. The bear that your dad had gotten you - your dad.

You gulped - the bear you hadn’t seen since the night you lost everything. Since the night you almost lost your life.

Joel shifted in his sleep, pulling the bear close to his chest, careful of its head as if it was a baby. Your eyes burned. A gasp escaped your lips. You could read the chapter now. You can see that character’s face - your fathers face.

Different but the same.

“D-dad,” You whispered before you could stop yourself and backed away.

Your back met the door, slamming it shut. The man jolted awake, alarmed eyes frantically searching the room before landing on you. They grew small, weaker, like he wasn’t all the way there.

Joel watched you closely, taking note of your falling tears, he spoke your name. You choked on a sob, hand clasping over your mouth. “Baby,” He shot up before he had a moment to think and approached you.

You didn’t flinch away, like he expected. You didn’t stop crying either. You studied him now. The wrinkles. The scars. The grey hairs. The same look in his eyes.

“How long have you known?”

He flinched at that. Your voice so familiar, so broken. “Since we met,” He didn’t have to try too hard to understand what you were getting at. He felt shameful, though. This shouldn’t have been the way, right? This felt too casual, too unknown.

You wanted to ask more, yell at him. Beg him to tell you why it wasn’t the first thing that he told you. But you didn’t. Instead you put one foot in front of the other, until you were mere inches from him. “Dad,” You shuddered.

He hadn’t realised how much he missed being called that, how much he missed being your dad.

“Babygirl,” He took your face in his hands, “My baby grown up.” He watched you closely, tears welling up, “I’m so sorry, babygirl. I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, slamming yourself into his chest, “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“Oh, baby,” Joel wrapped his arms around you, hand cradling the back of your head.

“With me, babygirl,” He smiled for moment before letting it fall, “Don’t go away again, babygirl, never go away again.”

You smiled into his chest, whimpering softly, “I won’t, dad, I promise.” 

x

@meli-blacky @zaweashtonslover @3zae-zae3 @bbciwp @cloudroomblog @white-wolf-buckaroo​ @iguessweallcrazyithinktho​ @myboyfriendisbigfoot​ @mell-bell​ @hummusxx​ @sleepdeprived-barelyalive​ @dilfsaremyfavourite​ @specialagentmonkey​ @slutforstark @lizlil​ @unsaiduglywords​ @ellaprime7​ @aphrcdites​ @zynbsblog​ @imonmykneessir​ @mandowhatnow​ @tomorrowseverything @livelovemusic0996 @icarusthefoolish​ @b-bloop @leemirna​ @hexaecana​ @littleshadow17​ @sgt-morgan​ @adorreeabbie @abbiesxox​ @leviackrmnss​ @eternallyvenus​ @hai-kbai​ @daydreamerblues​ @abbyrxx12-blog @montenegroisr​ @chxosunbound​ @shqwqrma​ @littlemissporter @wonwoosthetic @riri53 @softsakusas​ @prettysbliss​ @katiemars @kik51199 @stupidthoughtsinwriting​ @ellele19 @newavenger @19891213​ @dgraysonss​

[glitterystardusting]

I can’t 🥹

that scene

[pedrospatch]

snapshots | masterlist

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: Moments of Joel Miller’s life in Jackson, Wyoming with his girls. warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. GIRLDAD!JOEL. established relationship. NO MENTION OF READER’S AGE, she is a childbearing adult woman so do what you will with that information, however at one point it will be vaguely mentioned that she is younger than Joel. no physical description of reader. slight physical description of Rosemary (she has Joel’s hair color and type as well as his eye color). Joel and Ellie are fine because i said so. angst, fluff, some individual works centered around Joel and reader may also contain smut. please see individual fics for warnings and tags. *MOODBOARD FOR AESTHETIC PURPOSES ONLY. a/n: i fell in love with this little family and would love to write more for them when the inspiration strikes, so i decided to just go ahead and make a masterlist for them. i have no specific plan, the drabbles and one shots will most likely not be in order. i may bounce around the timeline and even go as far back as to when joel and reader find out they’re going to have a kid. to those of you who have shown this universe some love, thank you! 🤍

flutter

When you finally start to show, Joel has a tough time with it as the reality sinks in—he’s going to be a father again.

softness

Joel’s a little unsure of doing skin to skin with his newborn daughter.

safe and sound

Your daughter has a nightmare—her daddy makes it all better.

splash

You come home from your first day back out on patrol and find Joel giving your daughter a bath.

divider credit to @/saradika 🤎

[elliespassagerprincess]

super confident!ellie x really bold and forward reader at a party and they’re both just bored and the more ellie talks to reader the more shes stumbling over her words by how quickly she responds to ellie’s lines and ellie knows she’s fucked bc she cant stop thinking about the girl that she fucked at the party yayyyyy

Rose - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! i had so many ideas for this, i might make a part 2 because yes or ill make a different version ughhhh...i hope you enjoy it<3

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are open! send me your silly thoughts

warnings: sexual themes

Summary: in which she cant forget you

authors note: i submitted my application, lets see if i get accepted because i will lose my mind if i don't

masterlist

The smell of weed was the first thing that reached Ellie's nose when she walked into the house.

Mid term exams has had her stressed and she's barley been out. Whoever said college would be easy, lied because she's never been this stressed.

She needed to blow off some steam and what better way is there than to get blackout out drunk and to fuck a random girl she'll never talk to again.

It was too early in the night to make a move. She need to wait for the straight girls to get drunk, and for the overly emotional girls to come her way.

She sat on a couch scanning the room. So many victims, so many options.

Who will be the lucky girl tonight?

"You know its gross to eye fuck innocent people?" she heard a voice talk next to her.

A small frown appeared on Ellie's face when she turned to you.

Holy shit, who are you?

Her eyes scanned your body.... fuck

Maybe you'd be the lucky one

You noticed her staring and you rolled your eyes before saying: "Take your pervert eyes off me"

Oh you were feisty.

Ellie never had a problem with women. Most of them threw themselves at her, all she needed to do was say a few words and give them a small smile and they'd be moaning her name minutes later.

She was confident that she'll get you too. She just needed to pull out all the stops when it came to you.

Ellie chuckled at your comment "I'm not a pervert, I'm just checking to make sure you don't have a weapon on you?" she joked.

"What weapon? My strap on?" You snorted.

oh.

Ellie wasn't expecting that.

"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" you teased at her sudden silence.

Ellie shook her head quickly gaining her composure.

"Has anyone ever told you that you were pretty?" She quickly tried changing the subject.

You hummed "quite a few... has anyone ever told you that you suck at flirting?"

Now this made her jaw drop.

You didn't giggle like she expected, you didn't give her a shy smile.

What the fuck is happening?

"You're boring" you state, you got up and left.

You left the Ellie Williams speechless.

The longer the night went on the more her mind drifted to you. Her mission of finding someone to fuck ended as soon as you came into the picture.

She wanted you. She was on a mission to find you. But between all the people grinding up against each other she thought that would be impossible.

"Hey there loser" she heard your voice she immediately turned to you.

"h-hey" did she just fucking stutter?

"Did you find someone to fuck yet?" you asked she shook her head.

"Maybe we can..." Ellie went silent, too shy to finish her sentence.

She made two scissors with her hands and she made a scissoring motion "you k-know.... me and you"

You laugh at her. You fucking laugh at her.

"Don't be pathetic, use your words"

Ellie felt humiliated. Why were you telling her what to do? Normally she was the one giving orders. Ellie decided that its time to switch roles. She wanted to be in charge.

"Well lets go to the bathroom and ill show you what i can do"

"so you're saying im some kind of cheap fuck?"

"N-no i mean... i meant like-"

"see fucking pathetic"

Ellie was sweating, her cheeks were tinted in a dark shade of pink.

What were you doing to her?

You gently took her hand "show me where your dorm is" was all you said.

The rest was a blur to her.

Lips passionately touching each other, clothes flying off, your fingers in her. A tiny rose tattoo on your left shoulder. She's never cum so hard in her life.

After tonight she knew you fucked her over.

No one had made her this nervous, no one has ever made her finish this hard, no one had ever made her this submissive.

Who are you?

Ellie groaned when she heard her alarm go off. She rolled over to the side of the bed you were laying on, but you weren't there.

She opened her eyes to a cold empty bed.

"Fuck" she sighed.

She never got your name, she doesn't have your number, she doesn't know anything about you.

The memory of you on top of her, you moaning was all she could think about.

Fuck, how she just forget that? How could she forget you?

The only thing she remembered was the rose tattoo on your left shoulder.

"Fuck rose who are you?"

<3