#- i keep wanting to say imposter
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silly doodle for my fursona since i made her 11 years ago today :-)
#my art#YAAAAY KADEN BIRTHDAY#featuring her new design bc i keep forgetting to update her ref#ive been a furry for 11 years. isnt that something LMAO#im on fall break now!!! doing a lot of recharging bc the few days before break have been making me wanna eat my keyboard#< nothing crazy bad going on its just the work im doing being super annoying + dealing with a weird bout of imposter syndrome#BUT ANYWAY!!! happy birthday kaden. kissing his big head#i have a couple of things i wanna do for my next tattoo/its just a matter of committing but i Do want to get a cat#< I DO WANNA NOTE kaden and i have dif birthdays :-) mine was at the end of october hehe#but i do draw kaden on my birthday bc he is me but he is also Not Me . but he is. yk LOL#tattoo somewhere to honor kaden. just a standard shorthair/nothing that necessarily reads that im a furry#or the cat having her design bc it changes every now and then bahaha#AND LIKE IM VERY CERTAIN I WANT A CAT TATTOO FOR KADE LOL shes been a staple of my life for Eleven Whole Years#and shes helped me accept parts of myself. bc if i gave her the traits i had/have and i still loved her. then i could love me too#and that has drastically helped with So Much and my therapist says thats actually#a great therapy tool. forget the exact wording but the idea is there#everyone make a fursona now. ur homework is making a fursona and loving them. and then loving urself
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Ok so heres some headcannons for your au imposter. :>
Although imposter is mainly shown dealing/helping with others im sure he has got some issues Besides recovering from the killing game and trying to be a better person. Ok first thing,imposter tends to serpress his emotions,like he barrys any thoughts he doseint want to deal with in the back on his mind so he doesn't have to deal with it. He doseint unpack his thoughts often like when he said "ill unpack this later" he never did. Ok next,they hate mirrors mainly because they probably hate there real face,i mean there body is one thing theres nothing extremely discernable about it. But there face is different. When ever they look at there face all he sees is an emptyshell of a man they dont remember being. They weren't allowed near mirrors for awile. And last thing, He felt guilty for lieing to them for so long that he often questions why his friends actually like him.
Also i drew some art that matches with this
Im not good with angst so it kinda sucks BUT i hope you like it :)
#cloudy-osc#asks#bus au#ultimate imposter#MMM YOU SAY YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT ANGST. LIAR#look at him Q~Q#we totally had the same thoughts about him burying all his issues#he'd rather help people than address that maybe something's wrong with him too#his feelings and issues probably aren't as important as everyone else's right???#everything's falling apart around you so just be a support beam#don't contribute to it#and the mirrors. the guilt. all the self-hatred#someone set the table because this is an e n t i r e m e a l#i think when the others want HIM and HIS attention and HIS help#and not someone he's impersonating#the guilt builds and builds but he also gets a little possessive#makes him bury everything even deeper to keep being supportive so his friends need him more#he's in a loop#please help
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Magenta 😥
#imposter syndrome is bad today#anyone have tips or words of encouragement?#i got triggered by the scores on the platform#im at a 96 which isn't bad that's actually pretty fucking good#i need to stay above 85% to keep my contract#but i checked to see what areas that dipped and one of them I'm kinda going wtf?#about maintaining boundaries#im really huge on that shit and always let people know if they get uncomfortable with a topic subject or need to change the convo#we absolutely can always do that#so im kinda sitting here going “Okay where can i improve? where is this coming from? were they having a bad day? did i say something off?”#i know too you can't appease everyone and there are some clients that just won't like you for whatever reason and will answer the surveys to#dip your scores cause of resentment#logically i know these are things#im struggling with not having closure cause if i am doing anything wrong i want to correct that and i want to be told what it is#cause i can't change unless im given some direction#my mentor encouraged me to be myself show up authentic and I've been doing that#seeing the dip is making me second guess everything#and i know i shouldn't be upset cause again im at a 96 fucking percent!#but man I'm just kicking my own ass#magenta#magenta is my vent word
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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let me be honest with you guys i would have gone into hiatus 3400 times and or deleted stuff if it wasnt because we (yes me and you included) love munch so much. its crazy
#to express that i am human for a sec: im an insecure person and i constantly feel like im not good enough#and posting my creations (mainly art) for everyone to see was always difficult for me until i started munch#and i didnt even start thinking i want a bunch of people to read this i just wanted to put my stuff somewhere#and stop pulling myself back and turning very small out of shyness and imposter syndrome#even now when i still feel like garbage and end up comparing myself to others (the way i used to do with art) what keeps me from doing#something stupid is my story and my characters and all the people who love them (and let me know you do. which i appreaciate a lot always)#so yeah what im trying to say is that im very thankful. about a lot of things#dl#i deleted a bunch of stuff today you probably wont even notice its not there anymore. NOT ANYTHING FROM MUNCH ITSELF THO id die#not my cancer ass showing my emotions oh well
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Jobs for someone not cut out for real life but who excels at mimicry
#idfk#im like good at saying the right thing but i feel like in my heart i know#im a failure#i am not good at anything really in any stunning way. im ugly im hard to talk to#im good at liking many niches of music. im good at roleplay. im good at having fun sometimes#idk. i was so chipper last week#i feel like a pagliacci stupid clown whose life is in crumbles around him#i cant keep talking to people and seeing the contempt in their eyes when i fumble my words#i have a stutter now like. howd that happen i didnt when i was a kid#but a couple years ago it started and its been. worse in the last few months#im so like. i feel like such a failure#likea fake person who had so many opportunities to make my life real#pinocchioesque maybe#ughhh#im just feeling sorry for myself sorry guys#im trying to draw here at 1 am bc. i kinda drew something kinda nice the other night but#every compliment ive ever gotten feels unearned and like. a social lie#like imposter syndrome but im an imbecile for real and also the lamest person ever#i cant make friends. i seem to be annoying in an unnameable way to everyone who has ever met me but no one will have the decency to tell me#why#i have been longing for the past a bit lately too. nothing in particular though? just like.... how i felt about the future when i was young#and full of hope#i had a horrible childhood. i didnt enjoy being there and my dad always seemed preoccupied with the fact i would grow up and not want to#be his friend anymore?#but in an adult now and he seems to never have time for me#and he didnt back then either idk#i guess im sensitive to that. and i struggle myself#if smthing is transitory its unreliable and therefore i should wait it out#haha learned behavior!!! autism!!!! but god i feel so lonely and stupid. im gonna#draw my teddy bear giving me a hug
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One moment in Y3 I'll never get over is Daigo, fresh out of coma, instinctively reassuring Mine with such tenderness. Yeah it made him feel more guilty, sure. But at that moment I was like "I get it, Mine. I now get why you're that obsessed". Doesn't make it better that Daigo is pretty pretty with a wonderful voice and gorgeous shoulders
this ask was so real and true and right and it still is but i am cackling a little at 'daigo's gorgeous shoulders'
#snap chats#wide daigo strikes again#on the real tho no wonder mine wanted to kill himself after that#like here he was about to kill daigo because. Hes Insane#and then as soon as daigo wakes up he rolls out of bed- uses the gun mine wsa gonna use on him#saves mine and kiryu and then without question is just '<:0 mine whats going on- are you ok <:0 we're ok now no need to worry :)'#and then he hit him with that loving smile and that gentle voice and. and yeah i wouldve jumped off the roof too#i could never forgive myself for almost killing a man as beautiful as that idc if i thought i was doing the right thing#mine this why we leave this typea shit to the doctors just WAIT DUDE#unless this really was a case where because of all the outside noise daigo woke up#since i know talking to coma patients can help with that and. well. probably was the most noise daigo's gotten in days#aww poor daigo didnt have anyone in his hospital room to keep him company this whole time#either that or mine really did just sit in dead silence looking at him. freak. but ok valid#its too early for daigo-loving hours <-this is a lie and if i ever say this again assume im an imposter
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what if her name is Verdandi
#still on hiatus except for keeping an eye on current news but ML trailer dropped today#we have Urd and Skuld already so why not Verdandi#Nomuraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#can't wait to come up with a ton of easily disproven theories and watch everyone be right about her being Ephemer's descendant#that would make her Xehanort's ancestor too...#anyway I want to say she isn't but then again I thought Skuld was the imposter when everyone was right that it was Ventus#listen her name means GUILT in Swedish okay
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Doing cons has made me realize I could never be a creative as a career dncjvjdjdjcjfjf
#i dont want to say its made me hate drawing but ive def had a lot more imposters syndrome compared to when i was drawing more casually#sorry i keep complaining dhdhxjvjv but drawing needs to be fun for me or im going to avoid it 😭#and i think i started equating my value to how much feedback/sales i get from it and#its not fun anymore aaaaaaa#im glad my next one isnt until November sskskskdicfieisisiwo xnsnsjvj#just gonna draw what i like instead of drawing what i think will sell 🥲 then i wont be disappointed or stressed out#fjfjchchdjdjf#like ive REALLY wanted to make a levi sticker sheet and some other aot things#so im just.. gonna do that djfhsbshfhchdh
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crreaming skrying throwing up
#yoy know what i meant to type something different but this works#jamie has made a statement#i'm feel like an idiot haha i hate work like i want to do better but my brain. she's so smooth#personal#me in work calls w the guy who i'm p sure knows i'm not as good as i claimed i was and promoted me anyways: hi. i'm going to vomit#the imposter syndrome combined w my recent inability to Actually Try at Anything makes me be like. oh i'm. haha. not supposed to be here#but everyone keeps on saying i'm doing a good job and i'm like. am i? i feel like i still don't deserve any of this shit and i don't know#what the hell i'm doing at all
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The Party
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Graham cut through the shrubbery, pushing past branches. He covered the slash on his chin with his cape. He didn't want to turn around, he didn't want to see how close they were behind him. He was going to run until he had absolutely lost them.
He kicked off his boots, then shifted so his fingers and toes were like a monkey's - long and excellent for climbing. He scrambled onto a branch, like a scared cat, and waited.
There was a search party out for him now. A large group of guards - most of them from the party - had been ordered to split up and look for the fae who had been impersonating the king. Graham kicked himself for not thinking of a backup plan, for when his human appearance slipped. He hadn't been impersonating the king, however. He was the king. He just didn't know how to explain that.
An orotund call rang through the silence. "Come out here and I'll show you what fakers like you deserve!"
Graham jumped, hoping she hadn't seen him. Thankfully, Rg.3 was simply talking to the air. She swung at a tree in a show of her strength - leaving a decently-sized dent in the bark. Graham winced.
Then, a plan came to him.
-+-
No.3 shook off her hand. Alright, maybe karate chopping a tree was a little over-the-top. Though, this was a trickster fae, probably keeping the king hostage in whatever faerie cage they had.
She jumped when she heard a strange voice, whispering, "You should leave now... It's dangerous out here."
She pulled out her sword, holding back her quavering voice. "Who are you?"
The longer she listened, the more she found it was a familiar voice - her voice. "I'm your inner conscience~ now, go. Leave. You should go to sleep, because you're simply really tired~"
No.3 huffed, "My conscience? I got my full healthy eight-hour sleep last night, I'll have you know. Besides, where in my brain would I ever leave without doing my duty?"
"Well, have you considered that your king was... Not as he seemed? As in, he showed himself as something else?"
"Are you saying King Graham was a liar?"
"Yes! I- wait, I mean-" Her conscience jumped to the other side of her head. "No, I meant that King Graham may have been... Scared of what people may have thought of him..." The voice quivered. No.3 pondered the thought. Strange, that had never come to her. The voice cracked, "That they might think of him a-as... As a burden. That he's just some stupid curse to them!"
The outburst sent nearby birds flying from their roosts. Then... came the sound of weeping. No.3 turned to the source to see her own head of curls - her own body, curled up on their knees and sobbing. Strangely, it was dressed in royal attire.
A clone, perhaps? No...
... An impersonator!
No.3 leapt at the fae, grabbing its cloak and pinning the creature to a nearby tree.
The fae revealed its disguise. Underneath was an uncanny, ethereal being. Beauty had its flaws.
"Where have you put King Graham?" No.3 gritted her teeth.
The changeling shivered, still sniffling from sobbing earlier. Its voice was lined with the ringing of twinkling bells. "I- I don't know how to tell you! I'm Graham, no one believes me!"
No.3's grip was wavering. She had to stay strong. "First, you lie multiple times to the kingdom. Then, you pretend to be my conscience! I don't think like that! I would never!"
"I'm- I apologize, I'm sorry for lying. I thought it would... get you to listen to my side," the changeling sighed, wiping away tears. "Please, hear me out. I wasn't lying about my story."
No.3's shoulders relaxed. She pondered the story more... A king, afraid of opinions, thinking himself a burden. Maybe even wanting to live up to expectations. She wondered why she assumed King Graham simply... Had all the confidence in the world. She thought all kings were high-standing souls that she could look up on - that she had to live up to and protect.
Then again, Graham wasn't old and haggard like the kings in stories. Graham was something new.
...And No.3 wanted to give that a try.
"Graham?"
Graham gasped, "Do you believe me now?"
"As long as you're the same goofy king I know!" She chuckled.
No.3 pulled Graham in for a hug and he winced. "Ow- your armor burns-" And No.3 immediately let go, quietly apologizing. Graham chuckled, "Yeah, metal and salt hurt... A lot. I think... I think I ate salt at the party. On the cake."
"The cake?"
"Yeah, it was strange. I even told the chefs and servants to separate all the salted items from the non-salted ones. Why would there be salt on the cake?"
"Hm, I can ask around the castle for you!" No.3 stood triumphantly, getting a giggle from Graham. "For now, let's get you back to the castle, sire."
The bushes rustled, and Graham hid behind No.3. Out came Royal Guard No.1 "Ah, Number 3. Did you catch any sign of the perpetrator?"
No.3 stammered. "I- sir I-"
Too late to explain - No.1 had spotted the swaying tail of a changeling. He unsheathed his sword. No.3 yelped, and Graham simply froze in his tears.
#fanfic#changeling au#kings quest#royal guard no3#royal guard no1#graham kq#- i keep trying to describe his appearance and his voice but thays just cuz i think he's really cool#- also no3 pog!!#- i keep wanting to say imposter#- ඞ
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i really fucked myself over by accepting a job that i thought would be good for me and help me ‘grow my skills and career’ but now it’s just stressing me out to nth degree and i hate it.
#it’s mostly imposter syndrome#and im getting my period so im extra vulnerable and hormonal but my self confidence in my skills and capabilities are zero#and my new manager is like ‘tell me if you feel overwhelmed’ and I’m like ‘ma’am i will break down in tears in this meeting’#you know when people are nice and you are already emotional. so it makes you wanna cry even more#i have this fear that saying that I’m overwhelmed and stressed with fuck me over#and jeopardize anything i do in the future and change how my manger perceives me#which probably isn’t true#and the rational part of my brain is like ‘you are human. you can’t do everything. it’s okay to ask for help’#but i also don’t want to. but then im gonna keep being stressed and probably fuck up my work which would be worse#god im so fucking tired#i should have staying doing my chill boring ass job but no#I had to do something that will help me ‘grow’#and I’m being asked to think of content ideas and different strategies and make excel documents and I wanna scream from a tall building#i also feel like being one of the youngest people and prove that I’m not a gen z dumbass even though I feel like a dumbass 99.9% of the time#i was asked to do this role because they thought I had the skills to do so which makes it feel like more pressure#cause I didn’t apply for it. they believe I have the skills to do the job which is nice but i feel like I have to keep up this output#i don’t know anymore#I know what I should do and probably need to do#but crying and stressing about everything feels like the only thing I can manage rn
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Like I've worked so hard this year. It feels so good to really feel seen💗💗
#AAAAAAAAAA..god😭😭😭#and by my BOSSES.......#anyone else im like eh ya idk..imposter syndrome and youre just being nice whatever#but my bosses wouldnt lie. it would be to their own detriment lol#i just..they think im good.......#WAH. WAH. WAH#IVE WORKED SO HARD GENUINELY AND I JUST THE WHOLE TIME WANTED SOMEONE TO REALLY SEE IT AND SAY SOMETHING#I WANTED A HAND ON MY SHOULDER AND A#'wow. you are working so hard. good job!'#and here it is. on a silver platter...with a RAISE#IT WASNT FOR NOTHING#it strained my relationship it strained my mental and physical health i really worked so so hard i put so much into it#and it wasnt for nothing#these kids love me. the families love me. my coworkers love me. my bosses love me.#im a hard worker.#and not even just in a capital way but like. i worked to take CARE of them i worked to LEARN and GROW#i didnt just give up on them or myself i worked to keep going. and now im seeing why#im js rlly proud of myself😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Am I Living an Illusion? | Suguru/Kenjaku x Chubby! Reader
Summary; You’re not so sure your boyfriend is who he says he is anymore.
Warnings; smut (cunnilingus, P in V) imposter! au? cockwarming (mentioned) (loosely based on the song “runaway runaway” by Mars Argo)
Something was wrong.
Very wrong.
You tried to ignore it at first. The way he didn’t have that slight limp in his walk. How he started adding cream to his coffee instead of just black. The way he suddenly started treating you.
Suguru had always been a frigid lover. He never allowed you to get too close. In fact, you often wondered if you were even in a relationship in the first place. He never held your hand, hardly cuddled with you, and talking to him was like pulling teeth. The only shred of adoration he showed you was when his hands grabbed at the fat of your thighs to fuck into you.
That’s why you know whatever is in front of you, is not your Suguru.
Because your Suguru would never hold you the way this one does, like you’re his reason for breathing, like you’re a goddess among men and he’s trying to keep you for himself. He would never talk to you like this one does, voice so soft and gentle, almost like a whisper. He would never look at you like this one, like you hung the Sun, Moon and all the stars.
And he especially wouldn't plan an elaborate dinner for Valentine's Day.
— —
“I just want to spoil you, sweetheart. I feel we’ve grown apart these last few weeks.” He murmurs in your ear. You’d been trying to come to terms with your feelings for whatever is inhabiting your boyfriend, thus causing a bit of separation.
Anytime you both were in the same room, you made an excuse to leave. It was a bit immature, sure, but you didn’t know how to cope with what you were feeling. Something clearly wasn’t right with your boyfriend, but he was also beginning to act exactly how you’ve been wanting. You weren’t sure what to do, however, after mentioning in passing how much you wanted to participate in the holiday, you didn’t really have much of an excuse to get out of this.
“I- I don’t know, Sugu. It’s been a while.” You deflect. “Didn’t you say you’ve always wanted to do something on this day? I know I’ve been dismissive before, but I want to make up for that now.” He turns you to face him, thumb caressing the softness of your cheek. It’s moments like this that remind you he’s not who he used to be, that he’s something entirely different.
“Suguru” on the other hand was struggling to hold himself back from just wiping everything off the table taking you right there.
How? How did his host go this long without fucking you?
If it was up to him, you’d never leave his cock, reduced to nothing but a cock-drunk cumdump that warms his dick.
Not to say that was a bad thing. He just wants to ravish you, run his tongue along your curves and grip your supple flesh. Sink his teeth into your pouty lips and just take everything you have to offer.
You feel your cheeks heat up under his stare, the intensity in which he’s looking at you causing wetness to pool in your panties. “Well, yes. But I just think-” He shushes your thoughts by pressing a brief peck to your lips. “Ah, ah, ah,” He tuts, moving to pick up a chocolate covered strawberry and putting the delicacy to your lips. “No thinking today, just… feeling.” He says and if you weren’t paying attention, you’d miss the mischievous glint in his eyes.
Your clit pulses at his words, so you decide to give him a taste of his own medicine.
Without breaking eye contact, you lean down slightly and take a bite of delicious fruit in his hand. “Suguru” feels his cock twitch at the sight of the red juice dripping down your chin. He can’t help himself when he reaches out to wipe the juice, sucking the same finger into his mouth, savoring the taste of you.
And you can’t help yourself when you finally reach out and press a searing kiss to his lips, the taste of the strawberry and each other dancing on each of your tongues.
He pulls you into his lap without breaking the kiss, hands immediately finding purchase on your soft waist. He groans at the feel of you grinding down on his clothed cock, desperate for some sort of friction.
He takes pity on you and lifts you up with ease, the action causing you to squeal in surprise, arms wrapping around his neck to anchor yourself. “Do you really think I’d let you get hurt, sweet thing?” He asks earnestly, an almost hurt expression on his face. But it’s quickly wiped away as his hands run up and down your body. “With me around, you’ll never be hurt again.” It was said with such finality that you had no choice but to believe him.
He carries you to your shared bedroom, once cold now full of love. He carefully lays you on your silk sheets, taking his time to undress you, almost like a present for himself.
“Suguru” can hardly contain his appreciation for the sight before him. You were quite literally everything he was looking for in a partner, and he couldn’t believe his luck when he picked a host that had exactly what he needed.
With that thought in mind, he rids himself of his clothes, eager to make a mess of you. “You’re so pretty, baby. You look so good laid out for me like this.” He sighs, running his hands up and down your thighs. You try to squeeze them tight to prevent him from catching sight of your wetness but it’s fruitless; he can practically taste you on his tongue.
He manages to pry your legs apart, the sight of your sticky folds enough to make a grown man weep. He doesn’t hold himself back anymore, immediately diving into your soaked cunt.
You gasp as he sucks your clit into his mouth, tongue laving over the bundle of nerves as you grind into his face. “That’s it, baby. Use me. Use me to get off, you deserve it.” And you know what? You fucking do.
So you do as he says, pressing his face further into your pussy as you get off on his mouth. He’s moaning into you, hands grabbing at whatever he can as you whine and gasp at the overwhelming feeling.
It doesn’t take long before you’re cumming, cunt spasming around his tongue as he uses it to fuck you through your orgasm, your body twitching at the intensity of it.
He presses one final kiss to your clit before pulling away slightly, hands rubbing comforting circles into your skin. He leans up to your face, pressing a deep kiss to your lips before pulling away to look at the softness in your eyes.
“Ready for more?” He asks, pressing sweet pecks to your chubby cheeks. You’re coherent enough to nod in the affirmative, and that’s all “Suguru” needs to get to work, running his hard dick through your soaked folds to lube himself up.
The glide into your cunt is easy, the head of his cock nearly nudging your cervix with every thrust.
He’s beating your poor pussy up, dick slamming into your g-spot and he’s not faring any better. Your moans and the squelch of your pussy is music to his ears, and the way your cunt clenches every time he makes a particularly deep thrust has a shiver running down his spine.
As he nears his orgasm, he realizes he has to feel you cum on his cock. It’s a must.
He reaches up and pinches each of your nipples, licking into your mouth when you open it to moan for him. “Cum for me. Cum on my fucking cock.” He demands, slamming into you in quick succession. All it takes is one, two, three more thrusts and you're spilling all over his cock, drenching him in your release. It’s not long before he’s right behind you, holding you flush against him as he spills his seed deep in your womb.
You’re panting against each other, holding each other as you catch your breaths. It’s a few minutes before “Suguru” pulls away and leaves the room and you’re worried things will go back to the way they were before. But then he comes back with a wet cloth, a bowl of the chocolate strawberries and a bottle of water. He hands you the fruit and water, before running the wet towel through your soaked folds, careful of your sensitivity.
Once he’s finished he tosses the towel onto his nightstand to be dealt with later, then pulling you flush against him as he feeds you more of the strawberries. You sigh in content as you let yourself be cared for.
Once you’ve finished the fruit and drank a good portion of the water, “Suguru” hugs you close to him once again, your back against his front, as he rubs his hand over your plump tummy. You think about this. About the intimacy he provides, the safety you feel with him.
“I know you’re not what you once were Suguru,” You start, and you feel him stiffen behind you. You place your hand over his, intertwining your fingers. “But I don’t care.”
He breathes out.
— —
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₊˚ෆ 𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇 !! | sagau xiao, childe, zhongli x gn!reader
ˋ°•*⁀➷ cw: uhm. obsessiveness? yandere if you blink a couple times? cult themes... the usual deal with this au
⤷ [ you, the benevolent and kind overseer and creator of teyvat, has descended upon this world in mortal flesh, with a presence that is overpowering, omniscient, and so impossibly pure. ෆ yet, one day, you come into the cathedral with a gash on your arm, dripping with shimmering golden ichor that spilled from your veins. there will always be those who are too foolish to see the light you bring. ]
— sagau!xiao noticed you immediately. it would be hard not to. since the beginning, he had always heard it.
your sound. a beautiful one, a heavenly one. a chord struck him, somewhere in his chest, and he found himself panting on the ground, clutching at the fabric of his shirt.
like a electric charge - one that leaves you startled, tentative, with the tips of your fingers still tingling from what happened moments prior. a buzz in your veins that thrums along with your heartbeat.
he didn't deserve to see you. not with what sins he had committed. but xiao was selfish. he wanted to, with his tainted body, he wanted to praise you, scrape his throat raw with his voice.
and so he did.
his face brightens as you step into the cathedral, dressed in ceremonial robes as per usual. you look ethereal, why would you not? your eyes are warm as they fixate on him, and he can feel his heart skip a beat and words die in his throat. he kneels before you orderly, readying to lift his head when something catches his attention - that is, the coppery scent of blood.
blood?
a droplet splatters onto the dustless floor. melted gold.
xiao's already stood up before he realizes it. his eyes are blown wide, his shrunken pupils sharp, like a cat's. "who. who did this to you?" those words take all the willpower in him to speak. his mind is swirling, racing, thinking up of every single possibility, vision scattered and blurry as unbridled fury teems within him.
"it's nothing. some civilians have begun rioting in the city, saying that i'm an imposter. all i did was show them a little bit of my blood and they all started singing praises, so the issue has been resolved." you shake your head with a soft smile, like this matter isn't anything to concern himself over.
it is.
he hates it. how he feels so fucking powerless, how he couldn't even stop this simple event from occurring in the first place. it's his fault. it's his and everyone else who dared not believe your words. your word is the truth. it is the undeniable laws of the world, what maps the stars and what lays the land.
he'll have time to ingrain that within everyone's minds. even if it means time away from you. but that's not the issue at the moment. he turns to search for bandages, but sees the already-healing wound slowly closing up as your skin mends together.
there's a knife at your side, coated in something that shimmers in the rays of light coming from the high, color-tainted windows.
something in his heart decides, seeing your reserved smile.
there will always be those who are too foolish to see the light you bring.
very well.
then he'll just have to eradicate every last one of them. ₊˚ෆ
— sagau!childe had, to be honest, never cared all that much. why would he, to the person who had abandoned him into the cold, dark, abyss? yet, the smile on your face. it's bright. so bright it burns him. was there a day where he could smile like that?
no, no. he couldn't. that's an expression only reserved for someone as beautiful as you. as pure as you, like a blank, unblemished canvas, with the world as its paint. it's a level of resplendency that no one on this cursed universe could ever hope to accomplish.
a god in flesh, living in a tainted world. a walking contradiction that he had grown to call the thing that allowed him to keep living. something that spurred irony, you who broke all forms of the logic he had made to keep himself sane. perhaps that was why the heart he'd locked away has suddenly begun aching again? is that why he feels so warm from your divine prescence?
"childe?" you call out his name into the vast, empty hallways, glancing around for the familiar sight of a tuft of ginger hair. he hears you at once, rushing to your side with a grin on his face.
"your grace??" he bows at the sight of you, unable -to contain his excitement as he quivers in place, the smile on his lips tugging upwards even more than its current extent. "yes, what's-"
he stops abruptly, his voice faltering as he catches the scent of something iron. one familiar on the battlefield, a liquid that'd paint the surroundings a beautiful red.
his heart pounds. the thrill of a battle? no, that can't be it. if that was the case, how come it felt like he was slowly suffocating on his unspoken words?
that's when he catches the sight of the poorly wrapped bandages encasing your forearms. and the shimmering ichor that's soaked through the hastily wrapped cloth.
he moves to grab your arm, but curses himself out as he quickly changes direction and tightly holds your wrist, his expression more pained than yours, despite you being the one suffering with the injury. "what... your grace, what is this?"
he hates your knowing smile. he hates it. (oh, but does he? could he hate anything that is of you?) it just reminds him how you're all too far for him to reach, a purity that he does nothing to maintain. "there was a riot in the city against the church. luckily, they all quieted down after i gave them a glimpse of..." you trail off, ending your incomplete sentence with a sheepish smile. the rest is self-explanatory, anyway.
his vision trembles as his pupils shake. "haha, you...?" fuck. fuck fuck fuck, just whose idea was it to allow you near a knife? how did you get your hands on that?? which stupid fucking bumbling idiot allowed for this to happen?
it's his fault. he should've been by your side. curse the fatui, curse them all, how could they possibly dare keep him away from your holy being? the guilt that churns within him, is that why he remains mute as you step away, gracefully walking to meet with the other retainers?
there will always be those who are too foolish to see the light you bring.
no, it's fine.
it will all be fine.
cutting off their tongues won't be enough. cutting them up until they're a dismembered, bloody mess isn't even close to what you've suffered for the sake of humanity.
yes, he'll make them realize that. they'll pay with their blood a thousand times over. ₊˚ෆ
— sagau!zhongli had his breath taken away by you before he even saw you, before the two of you had even exchanged words. your presence - it was so simply alluring, a saccharide charm that just drew him closer and closer.
sweet. yes, it was a familiar flavor upon the tongue that had long since tasted the many marvels the world had to offer. like a warm cup of tea, made from the sugary extract of flowers, how the sensation of it seemed to bloom upon your mouth.
ah, how should he put this. perhaps you had procured the blossom in his heart instead? stems, leaves, buds, a floret that'd only appear when you were in his gaze. a steady thrum that ran throughout his body with every stolen glimpse he took from your attention expertly.
perhaps, was this what he felt all those years ago?
did it matter? his soul was resolute, now, and it glowed gold, just like the blessed blood that flowed through every vein and lay in every vessel within that beautiful, beautiful you.
yes, ichor... just like the splatter of it on the ground...? a pang of fear strikes him - has something happened to you while he was away? he should've none better than to trust those good-for-nothing other cultists, who spend all their time babbling about your gloriousness yet turn a blind eye to whenever you require assistance!
no, he had to calm himself down. this wasn't the moment where he should grow frustrated. first, he must confirm the situation... he's planned this out to the every plan b, c, d, e, and so on, so how come he's still feeling so anxious?
there you are, upon your throne, busy conversing with a fellow archon, the one as free as the wind. funnily enough, you were the one that tied him down like a shackle.
"ah, zhongli. are you alright? you're breathing quite hard." you tilt your head, averting your gaze from venti's sparkling eyes and instead fixing them on the usually stoic man's jumbled expression. his shoulder's heave as he resists the urge to collapse at your feet.
"what... what are you... you're hurt?" stained bandages peek out from just below your silk sleeve, a sight that cannot possibly be missed from his attentive gilded eyes. "why didn't you tell me? i-i'll call one of the healers so they can-"
"zhongli, there's no need for that." with a hand, you gently signal venti to leave the scene, which he does, with obvious reluctance. a silence gesture that resonates with appreciation deeply within him. "this was of my own accord."
"your own accord?"
"unbelievers decided to throw a riot, and there wasn't much i could do except...well, don't they say that seeing is believing?" how come you don't look the slightest bit pain? where is your self-pity? your frustration? "anyhow, i'm not in a good state. please leave me for the time being, i don't plan on receiving any more audiences tonight."
he bows hastily, yet each movement is still finely crafted with minuscule adjustments that have taken him thousands of tries to master. he does as you say, and his strides are quick and long. it won't take a genius to see that his facade has crumpled, with the clear agitation that's spreading across his features like a wildfire that devours all in its path.
there will always be those who are too foolish to see the light you bring.
he'll change that. every thrum of the golden markings running up and down his body seem to pulse in unison with his heartbeat, which is raring like he's recently returned from the battlefield.
who would've thought he'd so quickly return.
this time, of his own will. he'd be sure that these fools of this world would learn the truth of your paragon. ₊˚ෆ
(a/n) please save me the delulu has returned and iTS NOT LETTING GO
໒꒱ || ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ (open! send an ask or a comment ♡) : @manager-of-the-pudding-bank, @iamdedinside, @ilyuu, @achlysis, @swivy123
#★ ˎˊ˗ mondaymelon#astronetwrk#favoniuslibrary#genshin xiao#sagau#self aware genshin#yandere genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#yandere genshin imagines#yandere genshin impact#yandere genshin x you#x reader#xiao x reader#zhongli x reader#childe x reader#yandere childe x reader#yandere childe#yandere genshin#genshin impact#genshin impact sagau#genshin sagau#sagau cult au#genshin cult au#genshin oneshots#genshin headcanons#genshin x reader#genshin x you#x gn reader#genshin fanfic#genshin imagines
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hiiiiiiiii mae <3 i have an idea for thawing out series. what about if reader has a 'moment' w one of them and the other boy gets slightly cranky bc of it but then is also confused bc he doesn't know if he wants r or the other boy.........and then EPIPHANY 😈
Thanks for your request! The mood of it got altered some but I hope you like it :)
collab with @ellecdc
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | part 12
cw: modern au, chronic pain, some hurt w/o comfort but dw we'll fix it down the line
poly!wolfstar x fem!reader ♡ 2.6k words
“Pads!” Remus shouts across the ice. “Focus!”
Sirius’ cheeks pinken slightly as he tears his stare away from the Russian soloist practicing her quads. You laugh and say something to him that makes him pinch your waist meanly, as if you’ve been acting any better.
You and Sirius are completely starstruck. Remus wants to be irritated at your distractibility, but it’s sort of adorable. You nearly fall on your bum watching the Austrian team run drills, Sirius is too busy eye-flirting with a Swedish skater to remember he’s supposed to be going into a turn, and you both stop your routine entirely when the Canadian duo steps out onto the ice.
You and Sirius draw plenty of stares yourselves, though naturally only Sirius appears to notice. He shoots a wink at a skater admiring him and a glare at another looking too closely at you, his hand possessively on your lower back anytime you’re not running your routine.
Altogether it means you have to spend a couple of extra hours learning to work through this specific brand of stage fright and running your drills again after you all get your heads turned multiple times, but Remus lets it slide. He remembers being just as dazzled during his first Olympics, seventeen years old and feeling like he’d somehow snuck into the hall of fame, an imposter among legends.
Part of him hopes that the embarrassment of having to do a half-ass death spiral in front of so many professionals will make Sirius finally go all the way, but no such luck. He keeps you firmly above where you ought to be, expression impassive even as Remus can see you pleading with him with your eyes. Still, the rest of the routine goes well, and Remus tries not to let it get under his skin. He hopes you’re right and Sirius really will pull through in the final hour; your faith in your partner is absolute, and Remus finds it easy to put his faith in you.
He lets you loose to spend the afternoon as you’d like, but it comes as no surprise when he sees you both on the ice again. Remus knows you’ve likely got plenty of nerves to work off. It’s one thing to compete in your home country, another entirely to represent your home country while competing amongst the best figure skaters in the world. He calls you off the ice before one of you can overexert yourselves and pull something. Sirius swears up and down that his ankle hasn’t bothered him since the day after he hurt it, and Remus hasn’t seen anything to make him suspect differently, but he knows better than to take risks with a healing injury. You spend the rest of the afternoon playing cards and gambling for candies in Sirius’ room.
Eventually you disperse to go to bed. Remus’ hip has been bothering him since the flight the previous day, so he goes on a walk to stretch it out. It’s odd, he thinks, how easy things have come to feel between the three of you. When he first arrived, Remus had every intention of setting up strict professional boundaries, of knowing you only as your coach and seeing you only during practice times. And then you started practicing together, and it seemed like his boundaries wouldn’t even be necessary. Sirius hated him, and besides that the two of you existed in a bubble no one could penetrate, intimate and trusting only each other. Now, after learning about what your former coach did to you, Remus understands why that was necessary. You were protecting each other, safeguarding your partnership and your careers. It would have made sense for you to keep Remus at more than an arm’s length, taking his coaching with grains of salt and keeping him well away from your private lives.
But then there have been days like today. Still bickering with Sirius, still watching the two of you interact with a familiarity only years of history can grant, but feeling warm and welcome despite it all. It feels easy, to tease Sirius and let him snipe back. To let you lean your shoulder into his and not move away. It feels good.
Remus’ hip is feeling fairly good too by the time he gets back, sore from the exercise but not so stiff. As he makes his way to his room, passing Sirius’ and then yours on the way, he sees light sneaking through the crack underneath your door.
He frowns. It’s late, and you’re meant to practice again early tomorrow morning, your last day of practice before you compete. You should be well rested. As he approaches your door, he hears sound coming from inside. Low, crackling voices, and a song that tugs at the fringes of his memory. Then a sound he knows too well, the shushing of skates on ice.
Remus knocks. The door is thin enough that he hears your little gasp and a quiet snap, and when you say “come in,” it sounds like a question.
He suppresses a smile, opening your door cautiously in case you didn’t really mean it.
You’re sitting on your bed, one hand atop your shut laptop. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he says, leaning against the doorway. “It’s late.”
“I know.” You look almost shy. Between that and the pajamas you have on, plaid little shorts and a bulky sweatshirt, Remus has the urge to pinch your chin between his fingers. “Sorry, I was just watching some, um…”
“Figure skating videos.” Your lips part, and he says, “I could hear them from outside.”
“Oh.” You laugh. It’s a nice sound, one Remus can happily say he’s come to know well, but this one is woven through with nerves. “That’s embarrassing.”
“Why is it embarrassing?” he asks honestly. “It’s normal to want to study your competition. And they’re fun, I still watch them all of the time.”
“It’s not…” You give him a tentative look, then scoot over on your bed. “Do you want to see?”
Remus can’t imagine you’re watching anything he hasn’t seen a million times, but he is curious which are your favorites. He’s careful to sit on top of your covers, a few inches between your leg and his. The bed doesn’t allow for anything more.
“Fuck, did they really have to go back to making them out of cardboard?”
That gets another nervous laugh out of you as you open your laptop screen, playing the video. And Remus knows then where he’s heard the music before. It’s his music. You’re watching his old routine, a niche one from a small competition back in Wales. Remus was fourteen when this was filmed.
He glances at you, and you’re watching the video with your bottom lip trapped between your teeth, the colors of the screen dancing across your eyes.
“I’ve always admired how tight your form was,” you say. “You were so young, but it was obvious you were putting the work in.”
“I practiced a lot,” Remus agrees. “Too much, really.”
The nostalgia he feels for figure skating is bittersweet when he watches videos like this. He remembers spending all his time in the rink, every hour he wasn’t in school or at home, nothing spared for friends or hobbies. He did love it, but in loving it he forgot to build a life outside of it. Life was constant motion, training and competitions and awards whirling around him like the rink during a spin; by the time he had his accident anyone that might have been his friend had their own friends, and Remus realized he may have been lonely for years.
“I’m really glad you agreed to coach us.” You’re still watching the video, young Remus doing a camel spin. “You’ve made us a lot better, both of us. I know Sirius is going to end up fixing the spiral, and I’m going to try my best, and…I really hope we can make you proud.”
“You will,” Remus says, instead of you already do. It feels wrong to take any credit for how incredible you are, either one of you, but that is what he feels when he sees you out on the ice. Proud. He looks at you carefully. “You’ve seemed wound pretty tightly lately.”
Your eyes drop, no longer looking at young Remus but not at the older one either.
“It’s alright to be nervous,” he says gently, “so long as you know that you deserve to be here. You’re going to do great.”
You rub your lips together. “Were you nervous during your Olympics? Is it okay for you to talk about?”
“Yeah,” Remus says, a bit surprised, “it’s fine. I was nervous. I was…” he chuckles “I was freaking out, honestly. But when I got out there, it was really just like any rink. The music and the routine were the same, so I just let myself get lost in it. I almost forgot where I was until it was over, and people were waving flags at me and all that from the stands.” He feels his lips curve with the memory. Bumps your shoulder lightly with his. “It’s not so bad. Anyway, I think it’s got to be better to go through it with someone else. I was on my own, but you’ll have Sirius with you.”
You give him a little sideways smile. “And you, right?”
A fond warmth blooms in Remus’ chest. “And me.”
“Has it been difficult for you to coach us?” you ask him tentatively. “I mean, to come back?”
Remus takes a deep breath. “Yeah,” he says after a minute. “At first, it really was. I’m not proud of it, and I don’t think I really knew it at the time, but I was jealous of both of you. Anytime you did something differently than I would have, I got so frustrated that you were throwing away these opportunities I would kill to have again. It was easy to look at either one of you and wish I was in your place.”
You’re nodding, not a trace of hurt or offense in your expression. You look at him like you understand.
“But that stopped a long time ago,” he says. “After I worked with you for longer, it became clear you’re both very different skaters than I was.” You huff a laugh, and Remus nudges your shoulder admonishingly. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing. I think early on I wasn’t a very good coach to you because I couldn’t see your individual strengths. But now I think I can, and it’s really a privilege to watch you skate together. It’s lovely. And I’ve loved getting to know you and Sirius, too. So, yeah, it was difficult at first, but I’m really glad I came on. And I’m glad you were patient enough to let me stay.”
That got a bit more earnest than he intended. Remus feels heat rise to his face, but you’re still nodding, thoughtful, like you’re trying to wrap your head around it. He sees you rub your lips together again.
“I really want to do well,” you say softly, “but I’m not the skater Sirius is. I don’t have his natural talent, and I don’t flourish under pressure the way he does. I—that’s usually when I mess up.” Remus’ chest aches at the vulnerability in your voice, his hand moving unconsciously to cover yours on the bed. Some of the tension goes out of you at the touch. “I’ve tried my whole life to keep up with him, but I’m never quite there, and you guys, you’ve both been these incredible, talented skaters…” Your eyes meet his, timid and ashamed. “I’m afraid I’m going to let you both down.”
“Are you kidding?” You drop your gaze, and a surprised little laugh trips off Remus’ tongue as he ducks his head to follow, holding your hand more securely. “I’m sorry, that was rash, but really. How can you think that? You’re one of the most talented skaters I’ve ever seen.”
You’re still avoiding his gaze. He takes your chin in his hand, gentle, an encouragement more than anything, but you let him turn you towards him.
“I don’t care how much of it comes from natural aptitude,” he says firmly. “You’re an incredible skater. Even when I didn’t know you at all, it was obvious that you care about this more than Sirius or I likely ever have. That’s important. You can see it in how hard you train, and in how you move on the ice.” Remus shakes his head, expelling a breath. “It’s mesmerizing. You’re beautiful to watch.”
You’re not shying away from him now, but Remus doesn’t let go of you. Your expression is wide open, diffident but curious. He goes on.
“The way you skate, it’s not just about the motions or the art of it, it’s joyous. Anyone can see how happy you are out there. That’s what makes you so good. You really love it.”
“You did, too,” you murmur.
His voice softens in kind. “I did. But not the way you do.”
Your eyes lower, but this time he allows you it. Remus is suddenly acutely aware of your leg where it's pressed up against his, of his own heartbeat. He’s still holding your hand.
You wet your lips. “Do you really mean all that?”
“Why would I give you a whole speech I didn’t believe?”
You crack a smile. “Some coaches call it a pep talk.”
“You’re beautiful to watch,” he says again, voice dropping to a murmur as he realizes you’re staring at his lips. He breathes in, and the distance between you lessens. “You’re beautiful.”
Remus knows he’s judged you rightly when your hand comes around his waist, pressing into the softness of his jumper to glean an impression of the skin underneath. You kiss like you skate, with a sweet eagerness, ready to explore and wanting to learn. Your lips part, inspiring a similar parting in Remus, and you let out a breath with a soft humming sound.
Remus' nerves are alight underneath your hand on his side. He angles his torso to get you closer, free hand coasting up your thigh. Your fingers bunch in his jumper, kisses picking up heat as he lets his hand settle at the small of your back, an echo of how Sirius touched you this morning when—
Sirius.
Remus draws away from you so suddenly he hears you gasp. He still has your face in his hand, can feel the flustered warmth of it before he removes that too, putting distance between you.
“Sorry.” His voice is hoarse. Guilt burns in the back of his throat. “Sorry, it’s not you. I just, I—”
Sirius. Sirius. Sirius.
“I didn’t think that through.” He can feel his heartbeat in his mouth. Sirius is in love with you. Remus is only just starting to feel like a part of your team, but this could send you all back in time. Kissing one of his skaters, who the other is in love with? His stomach hurts. “I’m your coach, and you—we have a big competition coming up. I shouldn’t have done that.”
He edges off your bed, looking at you while he does. Your lips are still parted, eyes wide.
“It was a really shit idea,” he says, “and I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.”
You rub your lips together. Remus feels it like you’re still moving them against his own. “It’s fine,” you say on a breath. “We can forget it.”
“I’m so sorry,” he says again.
“It’s okay.” You’re shaking your head, and he’s backing away, both of you like deer caught in headlights. “You’re right, it was silly. We’re professionals, we can get past it.”
Remus feels himself nodding, feels the handle of your door in his hand.
“Practice in the morning?” you ask weakly.
He pushes out a breath as he opens the door. “Yeah. Six thirty.”
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