#*chanting* baby swap baby swap baby swap

[15-lizards]

sorry to bother but... what about gender swapped lannisters twins?? how much worse are male!cersei (kevan or cerso) and female!jaime (jaima)?

Oh my god wait…

Also disclaimer I’m aware that doing these gender swaps messes up character dynamics/what makes them so complex but again this is just for speculation and good fun 👍🏻

Cevan is somehow so much worse than regular Cersei because he has male audacity now (which fem Cersei does have but now he can back it up) Originally wanted to marry the Targ princess whom he still obsesses over to this day, so he was quite annoyed when his Momma sided with Roberta. He does Jamie’s eldest son failure by marrying the new queen and giving up his claim as heir to Casterly Rock, bc of course he only cares about himself and his power. Whenever Roberta is pregnant, Cevan’s beloved sister Jenna is miraculously pregnant at around the same time. And once Roberta gives birth, her chubby and dark haired babies have a sudden tendency to lose weight and have lightened hair. He’s scheming and notably irritable and paranoid, but thinks he savvy enough to outsmart the small council. He’s also constantly getting bombarded by noblewomen to be his mistress, but he prefers to keep it in the family ofc. Though he has tried Lord Merryweather once or twice. By the events of GOT he manages to get Roberta killed on one of her hunts, installing his dear insane daughter Johanna as king, making his mother start a bloody, continent wide war to protect that claim. Through pure luck does he get his enemies killed and his sycophants in positions of power. But feels lost without his mother after she dies. Classic Cersei through and through.

Jenna Lannister living in the most gilded cage in the world…she was never a female knight or warrior but rather the most loved and sought after courtier in the Red Keep. She was well liked at court and preferred to socialize and dance and gossip (much to possessive Cevans annoyance) to politics and scheming, taking few things seriously. When the war started she was the favorite of the king, and was thus stuck at the Red Keep. On the day he started screaming to burn them all, she managed to convince the kingsguard to leave the hall and quickly forced his neck down on one of the thrones blades. After the war her mother marries her off as a war prize to a useful Lannister ally. Despite her good health she’s unable to carry a baby to term, and the three times she’s given birth, the baby has tragically and suddenly died of mysterious complications. By GOT she’s now one of Roberta’s ladies in waiting, and despises her and what she’s done to her brother. The court half fears her and half loves her, calling her Kingslayer behind her back and even to her face at times. She goes off as an emissary during the war but gets captured when the Lannister army loses a battle to the Young She Wolf, resulting in the hand she killed the mad king with getting cut off. Brienne is still her gf bc lesbians.

Mommy issues bonus round. Tyresa Lannister is the first cousin and widow of Johan Lannister, who died. She is a domineering woman, a powerhouse in politics, but is deeply resentful of any woman in power besides herself (cmon internalized misogyny). Close friends with the king and queen when she was young, and eventually became the royals closest advisors, leaving when they would not wed their daughter to Cevan. She was the unofficial head of the Lannisters by the time of the war because she sure as shit was not letting her useless cousins and brothers and uncle be in charge of an army. She plays her cards right and becomes the most revered and feared woman in the seven kingdoms, no man objecting her to her face. She sells her daughter as a war prize and is going to arrange her heirs auction, but he goes off and becomes king, leaving her to secure her legacy on her own, starting an entire war to keep her family safe and their legacy in tact even if she doesn’t particularly like them.

[suhsweet]

the compression shirt conundrum ⟡ kmg

wc: 1017 | pair: bf!mingyu x gn!reader | genre: fluff, slight cringe maybe, suggestive | tags: grey sweatpants and compression shirt, some swearing, reader becomes a zombie for mingyu pp, giggly!mingyu, just teeth rotting cuteness, reader is significantly smaller, mingyu is called a giant, pet names: honey, baby, babe, angel

summary: when mingyu comes home wearing a compression shirt and sweatpants, you no longer have any thoughts in your brain and become a zombie for him

authors note: the day we see mingyu in a compression shirt, god help us all… this is unedited, might be trash lmk

It was a quiet night in. You had a movie on, your place was clean, dishes washed, and your super hot boyfriend was on his way home any minute now with takeaway for dinner.

Mingyu had texted you that he was craving army stew and asked if you wanted anything from your go to restaurant. Sessions at the gym often caused him to develop a massive appetite afterwards.

“Honeyyy, I’m hommeee,” Mingyu’s rang.

“Hey baby— Oh. My. God.“

Your boyfriend looked at you confused. From where he stood, you were gaping at him, and somehow melting into the couch? He swapped his gym shoes for his house slippers and attentatively approached you.

“What’s… What’s going on? I brought food.”

“Who needs food when I’ve got a Mingyu buffet.” Your eyes raked up and down your boyfriend countless times. After such a smooth sailing night, you finally encountered your first problem.

Mingyu was wearing grey sweatpants.

And a black compression shirt.

A while back you told him that you wanted to see him in this combination. You knew he’d be hot as hell, however this was better than you ever expected.

It was just a plain, solid colored long sleeved shirt that was skintight. Every valley and ridge of muscles were clearly defined. You could feel your mouth water.

“Woah, woah, woah! I’ve got food here!” Mingyu whined as you rushed up to him while greedily running your fingers all over his body. You had half the mind to smash your face inbetween his pectorals.

Mingyu escaped your clutches as he headed straight to the kitchen, the hunger in his stomach making itself more apparent by the minute. He was about to pass out from starvation. His Hoshi-hyung really put him and the boys to work.

You were right behind him, following him around the kitchen as he went to plate up the food for the two of you. Your gaze never left his body. Was hypnosis by Underarmour clothing a thing? You were about to climb this man like a tree.

“B-b-baby?” He stuttered, looking at you with concern. You looked like a zombie.

You appeared to be a perfectly alive and healthy human. However, Mingyu observed your raised arms, reaching for him; and noted that you didn’t appear to have any thoughts in your head. All that was needed left was for you to moan ‘brains’ repeatedly.

“Must… Suck dick,” you said in a deep gravelly tone, putting on your best zombie impression. “Must… Suck dick.”

Mingyu let out a squawk of laughter as he backed away from you. His ears bloomed red. His toothy grin almost had you breaking character, but no! You were dedicated.

“I’m flattered that you think I look good, but an ‘omigosh babe, you look really hot’ would be just fine. This is… Wild.” Mingyu was slowly exiting the kitchen, and you were following him with slow steps.

He didn’t expect the clothes to have this much of an effect on you.

Was this what it was like to be you when you wore lingerie?

“No thought in brain, only Mingyu. Mingyuuu,” you chanted.

Mingyu managed to dodge a swipe you made at him. “Who are you? Where’s my angel gone? Give her back to me!”

“Right here, just give me them babies,” you replied with your zombie voice. Mingyu giggled.

He took a step backwards, and then another. You copied him but at a slower pace. With a final step backwards, Mingyu spun on his heel and dashed around the corner and into the hallway.

He dived into one of the rooms before you could even take another step. He had disappeared in an instant.

You wanted to laugh. With how small your apartment was, it was a proven fact that it would be impossible for him to successfully hide.

You ‘became’ your human self again and strolled towards the general direction your lover ran.

“Oh Mingyu… Come out, come out, wherever you are…”

Mingyu cupped his face with his hands, reducing any chances of you hearing him breathe. He couldn’t laugh, but you made him giddy like a child. He was a grown man playing and seek after all.

All that could be heard in the house was the movie that was still playing on the TV, and the light scuffs of your house slippers against the floor.

You finally reached the bedroom you shared with Mingyu at the end of the hallway. Little did you know, he was hiding behind the door. Not hiding, but ready to attack.

You pouted, looking around. “Baby? I’m not a zombie anymore. Just horny.”

As soon as you made it all the way into the room, the door slammed behind you. Your breath was stolen when a giant shadow grabbed you and pulled you onto the bed.

You found yourself on your back, caged in by Mingyu. He had a hand on either side of your head on the mattress, and a knee on the edge of it between your legs.

“It’s just a pair of pants and a shirt,” Mingyu murmured as he bent his head to kiss your cheek.

His nose traced patterns on your face, heading down towards your neck to take in your familiar scent. He loved when you wore this fragrance.

“Just a pair of pants and a shirt?!” You parroted in offence. You threw your arms around his neck. “It is more than that. It is the masculine version of lacey lingerie! It is the sexiest, sluttiest outfit you could put on. You look sexy as fuck!”

Mingyu blushed at your words with a very, very shy smile on his face. He knew that he was attractive, but to have you enthusiastically praise his appearance made him proud of the effort he put in at the gym. Your opinion of him mattered most.

He kissed your head. “Thank you baby.”

“Kim Mingyu, if you don’t lay on this bed and let me worship your body I swear on your dog’s life…”

“Not if I worship you first. Who told you these fluffy shorts are my weakness?”

[ferrstappen]

max, the wag (for the third time) l Max Verstappen x reader

a/n: i was in the middle of writing this when news of Danny coming back to the grid!!! omg I'm so happy of seeing RIC and listening to his radios and everything, it wasn't the same without him <3

also, about requests. Please keep sending them, I've LOVED all the reqs I've gotten but right now im getting ready for my bar exam in a couple of weeks so my time is super super limited, but I promise I'll get to most of them (bc imsorry there are some reqs that I really can't connect with) after the exam, it's one of the things I'm looking forward to <3 but for now this kind of mediocre story telling will have to do...

ANYWAY, HOPE YOU LIKE THIS INSTALLMENT! you can find part 1 and 2 on the master list <3

summary: the continuation of your favorite paddock couple.

Max arrived to the track by himself.

If he was being honest, it wasn’t on his plans to walk alone with the photographers, Red Bull marketing team snatching him for stuff right after he swapped his credential. Even from far away he was able to hear chants of fans and more media than usual. 

But you weren’t right there next to him. 

He knew it wasn’t your fault, Silverstone not being a track where he was usually welcomed with opened arms and he was aware of you not wanting to be too in the eye of photographers who didn’t make questions to you, but there still were different WAGs and outfits or whatever accounts tracking your every step, especially with the new wave of partners and sudden break ups and polemics. 

Still, the selfish part of him wanted you to enter the track with him, even if it was a few steps ahead or behind him, holding your hand and smiling as you complained about the amount of credentials you had to carry: the usual green VIP Paddock, Red Bull something. You’d think after all these years they’d know me, you’d say and he’d laugh.

On the other hand, you finished getting ready and called the front desk to get a taxi to get there, feeling a bit guilty of letting Max go on his own, especially when there were more eyes on the track with Brad Pitt being there and a lot of important people who’d want to talk with him all day. 

Texting Max to let him know you were already by the guests entrance waiting when you noticed some intense flashes getting near. You’d been around a time or two to know this wasn’t usual, maybe in Miami but not when you were on the abandoned back entrance, not very glamorous and low key. 

But you saw her…

Shakira, are you visiting Lewis?

Who are you cheering today?

Shakira, third Grand Prix of the year! 

Did you talk to Lewis before? Is he nervous?

Your eyes followed her, mouth opening when you followed her small frame, exuding class and sympathy, even Alexandra who was also making her entrance stopped to get a closer look of the Colombian bombshell. 

Of course, they didn’t ask her to show and get accredited, she just walked by with a radiant smile leaving paparazzi behind as she kept talking with the friend she came with. 

But wasn’t that a Haas credential?

It didn’t matter, it wasn’t important, because right then your brain made the connections and started dialing Max while nervously biting your polished nails. 

“Baby, everything okay? Are you already inside?” Max answered, but his words were quiet and rushed. 

“Yes, but you’re never going to believe…”

“I’m sorry we have a meeting, please don’t go to the paddock, go straight to the driver’s lounge, okay? Love you” 

He hung up and you wanted to pull your hair out, knowing he is the one and only person you wanted to share this information with, and you were also certain he was the only person who would truly appreciate the gossip and speculation about his fellow driver’s love life. 

Max was able to leave the meeting almost forty minutes later, getting outside for some air until he remembered your call and that you probably were bored to death on the lounge. He was turning around to go there when…

When he saw the one and only Shakira in all of her glory. 

He wasn’t starstruck or anything, being immune to celebrities and the imaginary pedestal where most people placed them, but this wasn’t about that, it was about the way she was supposedly hiding under a cap walking towards the Mercedes garage.

He covered his mouth and hastily made his way to you. 

You didn’t greet each other with the usual peck on the lips and short hug; his slightly widened blue eyes told you exactly what you needed to know as he opened the door to his small room. 

“Please tell me that you saw her!” You said as soon as he closed the door. 

“Yes, just now she was walking to Mercedes,” Max was whisper shouting as if someone would hear him and it was the highest of secrets. 

“Did you see Lewis?” You asked Max but he said no. “What if you try to ask Brad Pitt if he saw her and like if they’re friends… with Shakira?” This time both you and your boyfriend laughed at the idea.

"I did see Sainz trying to go unnoticed with a tall brunette,do you think she is the new girlfriend?" Max asked and you nodded.

"I'm pretty sure he cheated on Isa with her, and I am almost certain she was in the Paddock Club in Monaco during qualifying," Max whistled at the new information.

Now he kissed you, lips fitting perfectly against each other, but your eyes suddenly opened and separated from him. What? Why? What happened? Max was disconcerted. 

“Please don’t laugh at me because this is a serious idea…” You told Max who had your entire attention. “What if we write to Deuxmoi?”

“Deux what?”

“They have all the inside scoops  and sightings, even your name’s popped up once or twice,” Max’s eyebrows rose at the information. “We should write that Shakira was seen on the British Grand Prix and I am one hundred percent sure someone will have more information!” You proposed and Max chuckled.

“Schatz, I can just ask Lewis why she’s here,” Max told you before embracing you, his arms circled around your waist.

You rolled your eyes before resting your head on his chest, but suddenly it hit you, swiftly lifting your head and facing Max. 

“Then why haven’t you asked him yet?!”

[reareaotaku]

do you have any Benny Weir headcannons?

Yes! Right here: Benny Weir Headcanons But just for you, I'll do a one-shot! [Hate to be controversial, but I'm more of an Ethan girlie :( ]

Summary: Benny accidentally casts a spell on you and he has to figure out how to undo it Pairings: Benny Weir x Fem! Reader Tw/Cw: Magic

Benny's mouth nearly dropped when seeing a bunny in the place of where you had once been. Not only had he casted a spell on you, but it hadn't even been the right spell. He heard footsteps behind the door and he quickly picks you -bunny you- up and quickly hides you in his jacket.

Ethan opens the door, before looking at a very suspicious Benny. "What did you do, Benny?"

Benny makes a face of offence, "Uh! What do you mean? Why do you automatically think I did something wrong?"

Ethan gives Benny a knowing look and Benny sighs. He then pulls you out of his jack and Ethan gasps.

"What do you have a bunny!?"

"It's a funny story- Ow!"

You hit him with your little foot, angered by the face he wasn't hurrying up to try and get you back to normal.

"Here," He hands you to Ethan as he grabs his magic book.

Ethan struggles with you, not realizing it's well- You! "Are you going to answer my question... or?"

Benny whips around, an awkward smile on his face, "Well- there might have been.... well, a mishap."

"What do you mean?"

Benny doesn't answer and Ethan squeezes you tighter, causing you to hit him with your foot repeatedly, accidentally causing him to drop you. Benny screams, quick to pick you up and cuddle you close.

"Oh my baby- Are you okay?" He pets your back and you glare up at him- or at least you try to.

"Why are you freaking out? It's just a bunny."

"It's not just a bunny; It's Y/n."

"Y/n! What did you do to her?" Ethan swaps you back, holding you close and away from Benny.

"It was an accident. It wasn't supposed to hit her. PLUS," Benny turns back to Ethan, holding his book in one hand, "It wasn't even an animal spell."

"You have to fix her!"

"I know, I know!" He puts the book down and quickly scans through the book, "Ha! Here!" He points to some words in the book, before taking a step back and chanting the spell.

There's a heavy smoke and Benny lights up, but it quickly drops when seeing you were indeed no longer a bunny, but now a cat.

"You've got to be kidding me."

There's a knock at the door, causing them both to freeze and look towards the door.

"Y/n, dear? Are you okay in there?"

It was your mother. They both looked at each other, before looking at the door again. They had to figure out an excuse and they had to figure it out now.

"Um, yes, Mrs. L/n. We accidentally knocked over some textbooks," Benny lets out an awkward laugh, hoping she'd take the bait. Thankfully she did.

"Okay, well, be more careful."

"We will!"

They both listen as her footsteps echo away from the door, before they both grab the book and flip through it.

"You have to change her to normal!"

"I'm trying! I'm trying! It's not that easy!"

You watch as they fight with each other, the book swishing as they blow through it.

"Here!" Ethan points to another spell, "A human spell! A spell to turn an animal into a human."

Benny clicks, before shrugging and deciding to just go for it.

"If you mess this up, we go to your grandma."

"Yeah, probably a good idea." Just like before, Benny chants out the spell, before pointing at you and a bright light hits you and a heavy smoke covers your body.

You shake your head and look down at your hands and you hear them cheer. Though they quickly stop when seeing your face.

"Babe, you know I love you-"

"Don't you 'I love you babe' me!"

"Forgive and forget?" Benny laughs, as you corner him. "I love you?"

You can hear Ethan walking towards the door and whipping around to him, "Don't think you're getting away! When I'm done with him, you're getting it too."

[patriwoso]

always dancing when you’re around

ana-maria crnogorčević x reader

“You’ve had too much to drink.” Ana giggled as you cling onto her arms, stumbling around with a cheeky grin on your face.

“We just won the best trophy, EVER!” You exaggerate, grabbing Patri’s hand. “MVP MVP MVP.” You began to chant, the rest of the team joining in.

You hiccuped and held onto Ana’s waist to keep you stood up right. She was the sober one, not a fan of drinking, but you had taken this opportunity to drink and oh did you drink…

“Baby, I feel all fizzy.” You held onto her, sliding your arms around her waist to keep you on your feet.

“Fizzy?” She chuckled. “Y/N/N, do you mean dizzy?”

You hummed and giggled, looking up at her. “Kiss me” You bit your lip, you hands rubbing at her sides.

“That I can do.” Your girlfriend smirks, leaning down to break the height barrier and kissing you softly until you pull away for a breath of air.

“You taste like cola” You tell her, dropping your head on her chest.

Later that night you were laying in bed with Ana, you were dead to the world as you were slotted between the taller girls strong thighs, your head on her chest.

She scrolled through her Instagram feed, clicking on Claudia’s story to see a video of Patri and Cata doing shots, what Claudia didn’t realise is that she had also captured yours and Ana’s heated moment in the back of the video which had now been posted for the world to see.

And that’s where the talking started. You and Ana had almost been dating a year when the first idea of you as a couple had popped into the public eye, and the fans went crazy for it.

-

When the full time whistle blows, you shake hands with the Switzerland team. Your eyes however only looking for one person. Your person.

"Y/N!" You turn around and see Ana calling you over, stood with Mariona and Lia.

"Hey" You smile softly, just wanting to wrap your arms around the taller girl and tell her how sorry you are.

Spain beat Switzerland 5-1 to advance to the quater finals. You were happy for your team but the feeling was bittersweet as you knocked your girlfriend out of the tournament.

"I'm sorry." You smile sadly with a few tears pricking in your eyes, you didn't like to see Ana sad and knowing you scored 2 against her makes it worse.

"Don't be sorry my love." She puts an arm around you and you hug her gently, being careful with your actions as your relationship is well and truly kept out of the public eye.

You tug on the bottom of her jersey as you pull away from each other. "Can we swap?"

"Of course!" She smiles through her tears, pulling her shirt off and swapping with you.

You keep control of yourself to not look at her with the eyes that are kept away from the rest of the world. Mariona nudged you and giggled when she saw you trying hard to look away from Ana's body.

"I wish we didn't have to do that." You frown, looking at her sad eyes. "I just want to hug you so bad right now." You breathe out.

"Me too, but not here, love." Ana looks at you with her loving eyes, the ones filled with adoration saved especially for you. "I'll find you inside." she promises.

You nod as you continue to chat for a while, until Alexia comes over and tells you that the national team staff have asked for everyone to come into the changing room to get ready to head back to the hotel as you had a flight to catch.

-

Once you'd changed back into your travel wear you put Ana's jersey into your own bag to keep it with you so it wasn't to get lost with the luggage for the kitman.

You waited outside the Swiss changing room with Mariona, turning your head everytime the door opened.

Finally Ana emerged alongside a few of her teammates that you didn't know too well. She told them that they should go off ahead and that she would catch them up, wanted a few minutes with her 'club teammates'.

Mariona turned her back to keep watch for Vilda or any of the other spanish staff that would put an end to the meeting.

"I love you so much." You whispered as Ana held you close, rubbing her hands up your sides as she kissed you softly. "Keep messaging me everyday, even when you go back to Switzerland?" You ask, holding her hands in yours and fiddling with her ring, the ring you have the matching bracelet too.

"I'll message you everyday sweetheart." She kissed your forehead. "Go show the world what a true star you are yeh? I've seen the running for Golden boot. Your in the lead." She smirks. "I want the trophy on the shelf above the bed. Next to the photo of us on the beach."

"I'll try my hardest." You nod, going on tiptoes again to kiss her, melting into each others touch but being broken apart when Mariona coughs, the signal to tell you to split because someone was close by.

Ana presses one more kiss onto your mouth. "I could kiss you forever." She whispers. "I'll see you soon."

-

On the bus to the airport you sit besides Mariona. You could say you were best friends but she was more like your sister.

"What's the address for the base camp hotel?" You lift your head up from her shoulder.

"Um, it's on my phone somewhere. Sent it to Laia the other day. Why?"

"Ana just asked. Said she wants to send something." You shrug your shoulders a little to say you didn't know much more than that. "Can you send her it from yours?"

She nods.

"Thank you."

You rest your head back onto her shoulder and scroll through social media.

Someone had been keen to spying out the events between you and Ana after the game as photos and videos had made it to Twitter already.

Under a photo of you swapping shirts there were loads of comments saying 'Aww' and 'Barca friends!' but a few fans weren't silly and they knew what they were looking at.

One comment said: 'Reason 1482 to why I think they're dating! Watch Mariona giggling at Y/N when Ana takes off her shirt!🤣'

You smirked to yourself and slipped your phone away, trying to get a bit of sleep before the plane ride.

-

Why Ana wanted the team hotel address all came clear a few days later when a parcel turned up for you.

"Y/N, a package!" Vilda calls you over after a training session, handing you the brown box.

"Thank you."

You take the box up to your room and put it on the bed. "What did you order?" Mariona asks, laying on her bed in your shared room.

"Nothing" You tell her, using a pen to stabbed at the tape to open it up. "I think it's from Ana."

You open the box to see one of her hoodies, one she took back from you after you'd 'borrowed' it from her in the first place. You smile as you lift it up and put it onto the bed, seeing her Barca shorts from a few seasons back with '18' on the leg of them. She knew you loved to wear her old Barca stuff around the apartment and for bed sometimes.

You find a beaded bracelet with the letter of your name on, another with an A too. A small note telling you that she has the matching ones.

"You two make me sick, your so soppy." Mariona teases, flopping back the bed.

Rummaging through your bag you pull out your phone and try to call her. It goes to answer phone a few times then you realise she must still be travelling home to Switzerland.

Instead, you decide to leave her a message.

You

I love you Ana. Call me when you land, I miss your voice. ❤️

-

Spain get knocked out by the Netherlands and your on your flight home when you see the message you’ve been waiting for pop up on your phone.

Ana 👅👅

Flying back to Barca tomorrow morning babygirl, I’ll crash at yours and pick you up from airport xx

You giggle at the name of her contact, remembering when she had changed the name one evening on the bus home from an away game. You hadn’t changed it back.

-

The day after you arrive back in Spain, Ana packs your bags and takes you out for the day. All secrets. That’s what she told you.

She drives down the main road and you wonder where you are going to, she only told you it was a trip. The beach? A night further down the coast line of Spain?

“The airport.” You look at her, half excited and half very confused.

“I’m taking you away for a trip to my home. For our anniversary.” She smiles, looking very incredibly pleased with herself.

“Switzerland?!” You gasp a little, having wanted to visit Ana’s home country for so long.

-

The plane ride dragged a little, having only been home for less than 24 hours.

You got through customs and collected your bags, deciding to get a coffee to help keep you awake.

“Here” You pass Ana her coffee, taking a sip of yours before screwing your face up. “Oh my god, that’s fucking rank.” You whisper, keeping your voice down with the language you chose to use.

Ana chuckled, taking your coffee and switching it with hers. “Have this one.”

“Thank you, bebita” You used the spanish pet name she loved so much.

You stared into her eyes a little too long and you were snapped out of it when two teen girls came rushing over.

“Hi! We are big Barcelona fans, could we get a picture?” The tallest girl asks.

“Your my favourite player!” The smaller girl tells you.

You take selfies with them and sign their phone case before they rush off back to wherever they appeared from.

-

Within minutes your phone was blowing up with mentions and tags on your social medias. Photos of you and Ana sharing coffee and looking at each other with loving eyes had been stuck on the internet. Typical.

Comments:

- OMG THEY’RE SO CUTE

- They are defo dating!!!!!

- Y/N is wearing Ana’s jacket!! Look 3 posts ago on her feed - it’s the same one!

- WHERE IS THIS? 😱😱

“Hmmm, they know.” Ana mumbles into your hair, her chin resting on the top of your head.

“We did well keeping it quiet for so long”

-

You trip in Switzerland was almost over, one day left before you had to fly back to Barcelona.

“I want to post something.” Ana breaks you out of your thought as you search through the suitcase to find your pyjamas.

“Post what?” You look at her, finding the shorts you were after and getting changed.

“Us.. for today, our anniversary. One year is a big deal Y/N”

You nod, looking at her. “If your okay with that then I’m cool with it too.” You smile.

Ana took her phone out and made an Instagram post with a caption:

One year with my favourite girl❤️‍🩹

In the post she attached a few photos and videos along with it.

1. A photo of you walking up ahead, climbing a mountain in Switzerland.

2. A video of you both dancing in the changing room after the champions league final. Ana had put her arms around you and forced you to dance in the middle of the locker room.

3. A photo of you both with the UWCL trophy on the pitch after the match.

4. A photo of you asleep in bed, a blanket covering you and a sleep mask with false lashes she had stuck on the top to make it look funny.

5. A video of Ana giving you a piggy back on the beach. Keira had taken this video on a double date with her and Lucy.

6. A photo of you in each others jerseys after the world cup match, Mariona and Lia stood at your sides too after they had switched as well.

7. A photo of you asleep on Ana as she tried to read a book, your head nestled into her neck.

8. A photo of you and Ana on the beach. You had your hands over your breasts, as you had stripped from you bikini top, and sunglasses on your head. Ana sat behind you and peering over your shoulder making a silly face.

9. A video of you dancing in the rain outside the stadium in Germany at your game against Bayern.

10. A picture of you both kissing in the club after the UWCL win.

You smiled as the tag came up on your Instagram feed, reposting the post onto your story with the video of you dancing in the rain.

Giggling as you wrote a cheesy caption with

‘Always dancing your around 😘’

[thewolvesof1998]

Seven Sentence Sunday 18+

tagged by @diazsdimples

Sharing another snippet from Gender Swap Buddie aka put your canine teeth in the side of my neck because I need some motivation to finish it 😭

“You have to be quiet, you don’t want anyone knowing what we’re doing in here?” Buck nods her head, even though the thought of everyone knowing that Eddie Diaz is currently on her knees for Buck is intoxicating. “Can you be a good girl for me, Baby?” Buck whines, agreements falling from her lips in a chant of ‘Yes' and ‘yeah’s until she muffles another gasp with her hand as Eddie nips at the sensitive skin, her hand finally sliding up to where Buck needs it. Fingertips ghost over stockings and panties, “fuck, you’re soaked,” Eddie chokes out, sounding equally devastated and turned on. Buck can’t help the whimper that falls from her lips, hips thrusting down trying to find any release to the pressure that has been building since they stumbled into the bathroom.  “Eds, please, please, I need more, I need you,” She doesn’t even feel an inch of embarrassment at begging, not when Eddie looks up at her with eyes so dark. Her fingers dig in just right into the mesh material until it gives away and fuck she’ll be annoyed that her only pair of stockings have been destroyed later but right now Eddie’s pulling aside her underwear and licking her lips like Buck’s a full meal and she hasn’t eaten in days. 

tagging:

@wildlife4life   @eddiebabygirldiaz @bidisasterevankinard @spotsandsocks @try-set-me-on-fire

@bekkachaos @bi-buckrights @spagheddiediaz @911-on-abc @shitouttabuck

@911onabc @exhuastedpigeon @your-catfish-friend @loserdiaz @ladydorian05

@king-buckley @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese @fortheloveofbuddie @steadfastsaturnsrings

@mangacat201 @theotherbuckley @hoodie-buck @eowon @rainbow-nerdss

@nmcggg @monsterrae1 @diazsdimples @tommykinards @watchyourbuck

@likeamollusconarock @diazsdimples @evanbegins @nmcggg

@pirrusstuff @evanbegins @giddyupbuck @smilingbuckley @thosetwofirefighters

@princehattric @singlethread @devirnis @neverevan @superlock-in-the-tardis

@smilingbuckley @loveyouanyway

@jesuisici33 @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @jcc04220 @wallywise @hippolotamus

@tahelms85 @betterkeepmewetterthanabayou

@hades-huntress @laundryandtaxesworld @faggotjonesss @steadfastsaturnsrings @tacotacotacocat

If you want to be on my tag list interact with this post

[narrators-journal]

Grass is greener

Okay! So, I only did the barest of skims on Feitan’s wiki as a refresher for this, and then just wung the rest off of memory. So, this might be a bit hit or miss on characterization, but I hope it’s still a good read. It came a lot easier than I thought it would, probably just because I think it’s funny to imagine someone as cruel and blood thirsty as Feitan being domestic, and maybe a little bitter about how, deep down, he’s okay with that, or enjoys it. Either way! I knocked it out p quick, and I hope you have fun reading it like I did writing it.

It felt like only a few years back, Feitan Portor had been a name that was feared across the country. His sadism had been a nightmare for just about everybody, good or bad, acquaintance, friend, or enemy. There had only been one other person who seemed to have the spine to challenge his reputation, and he’d ended up marrying that person. Together, the two had became a whole new source of fear for people.

In reality, though, that had been at least sixteen years ago now. Nowadays, the most blood the ravenette saw came from the steaks he’d order rare on date nights. The most torture he got to inflict came whenever he got the chance to teach his sixteen-year-old daughter his tactics, or on those few, rare times the two of you were able to get a full night completely free of your trio of children. Most of his day-to-day, though, was packed with far less exciting things. Parent-teacher meetings, cleaning, debates on whether or not his second youngest would be a headache or not.

God, I miss the spiders… He thought as he plucked the mushrooms out of his toddler son’s chubby hands before he could ‘stealthily’ swap it for more marshmallows. I’d even welcome Uvogin into my life again. Or, maybe I can talk Phinks into letting me torment him. Lord knows he makes enough jokes to deserve it. “Papa, papa, papa!” His hyperactive daughter chanted at the same time with a jumbo-sized box of colorful, sugary cereal held up to try and distract him from her baby brother. “Put it back, you don’t need it.” He sighed with barely a glance offered to the girl as he put his hand protectively back on the mushrooms in the cart. “But I want it!” “No.” “But I want it.” “No.” “But I want it.” She insisted stubbornly, and Feitan took a moment to ‘think’ before he responded to that one with a flat, “No.” Which, got him a very pissed off look from the little girl and a snort from his eldest daughter.

Thankfully, you returned from the depths of the store at that point, quick to snatch away the cereal and plop it back onto the store shelf. “Leave your father, and the mushrooms, alone. You guys already have sweets and cereal in the cart.” You reminded, and shut the conversation down with a swiftness. Which, made the ravenette glare at you while he watched you unclip the toddler’s child harness from his belt so that you could pick the little boy up an ease that made him smile slightly behind his face mask.

After all, of course a squirmy, mushroom-hating tot was nothing for you. If you were able to pin and go toe-to-toe with Feitan, a miniature version of you surely weighed less than a ten pound bag of rice. Maybe that’s why you have such an easier time at this than I do. He thought at you with a hint of bitterness in his own internal voice. Though, whether that came from his restlessness, or the bit of jealousy that seemed to permanently linger, even after your marriage. Though, at the same time that Feitan wished ill upon you for the sheer enjoyment of it, his attraction to you grew stronger.

How could it not? He knew how strong you were, and it was a thrill to see you use that strength to carry one of his children so easily. It proved to the ravenette that you could still fight him if you wanted, and he very much wanted to fight. “-tan? Hey, hun.” Your words abruptly flopped onto the train tracks of his thoughts to drag the pale man back to reality. Back to the commercially scented aisles of the shop and the cookies that you held out to him. “Can you go put this back and retrieve the mushrooms?” “Right.” He muttered, his mood curbed by the triumphant giggle of his second oldest child as he went back to find the mushrooms once again and return the cookies.

On the bright side, He told himself as he passed chips, dips, and bread loaves, When the spiders do finally reconvene, I’ll have at least one daughter trained in my ways. Maybe both of them if it takes long enough. I’m sure Chrollo would be very happy with that. As if Feitan would actually let his children follow the morbid life path you and him went down. Despite being a sadist, he wasn’t a Zoldyck. He wasn’t so morally bankrupt to wish his children the same difficulties he has had to deal with.

Feitan was a bit restless and unaccustomed to the domesticity of family life, yes. But, it still brought him joy to find his family in the maze of shop aisles and hear his younger daughter lisp indignantly, “But you don’t thtop her from buying candy!” “That’s because your sister’s buying that stuff with her own money, and she’s not fighting me on mushrooms.” You pointed out, before the teenage copy of himself stage whispered, “I’m also the favorite.” to relish in yours and her sister’s denial of that fact.

It wasn’t as good as the fear Feitan used to induce in people, but at least he could find joy in the knowledge that his children could be just as mean as him.

[its-mekjt]

Favourite parts of 3×98 (potential spoilers below the break)

woke up early by my sister. today is the day i try to get chappell roan tickets for me and my friends. pray for me. they come out at 10am. right now, it it is 8:37am. I'll be pausing the VOD halfway through to fight a war.

PART ONE

▪︎ BRENNAN LEE MULLIGAN WOO

▪︎ NOT THE CROWD CHANTING TPK.

▪︎ travis' costumes slays

▪︎ live nordverse show my god.

▪︎ HAPPY PRIDE

▪︎ dorian storm angst time besties

▪︎ first roll of the night (24)

▪︎ "mmm i'm gonna make a mistake."

▪︎ matt has broken

▪︎ imogen failed wisdom save

▪︎ "you hate me." // "bitch no i don't."

▪︎ the spectrum of what the demon shows you: your mom or dead kids

▪︎ "i'm going to hell." // "probably pretty soon."

▪︎ gambling with teven

▪︎ fearne does not know what the pact is

▪︎ OH SHIT ASMODEUS

▪︎ dorian's parent's have REALLY good lawyers

▪︎ quick break for me to get chappel roan tickets (i didn't get them)

▪︎ THAT'S WHAT THAT KNOCK IS CALLED?

▪︎ RIEGEL RETURNS. (hello dani carr)

▪︎ HOT MINOTOUR YESSSSSS

▪︎ bells hells follow the gods just because they're famous, confirmed

▪︎ happy pride.

▪︎ ashton wisdom saving throws. (14)

▪︎ HEY MATT. THIS IS EVIL.

▪︎ the [dismayed screaming].

▪︎ the cheering when braius' character sheet came up. (YEAH PALADIN/BARD BABY)

▪︎ the crowd going FERAL for teven

▪︎ fearne, teven and the many people they're bound to

▪︎ fuck off no. creepy child. bye bye travis.

▪︎ the person who went 'ow!' in the crowd, you are my spirit animal.

▪︎ "did someone say FLY?"

▪︎ DEVIL CHILD DEVIL CHILD DEVIL CHILD.

▪︎ 21 FAILS? MATT YOU DEMON.

▪︎ laura bailey. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "YOU'RE NOT SURE."

▪︎ ANIMATE OBJECT YESSSSSSS. best spell.

PART TWO

▪︎ YO THAT MINI

▪︎ drop that bitch on the crystal

▪︎ YEAH COUNTERSPELL. LOVE IT.

▪︎ HERALD OF ASMODEUS LETS GO.

▪︎ "i see a red door and i want to paint it black."

▪︎ dominox has girlboss energy

▪︎ what is dominox's unpopular opinion?

▪︎ chug, chug, chug

▪︎ fighters, man. love them.

▪︎ NOT 2 NATURAL 1S LIAM.

▪︎ orym the hummingbird.

▪︎ 46 on the FIRST hit? rip orym.

▪︎ dorian has a panic attack

▪︎ the planning happening behind robbie

▪︎ RIEGEL COMING IN CLUTCH

▪︎ sam stop breaking the set

▪︎ counterspell the counterspell

▪︎ right now, ludinus is like the coworker you really don't like but they're being helpful for once.

▪︎ I FORGOT ABOUT ESSEK AND LUDINUS

▪︎ essek is going to have to fill caleb in on so much stuff

▪︎ YEAH MATT GETS A HDYWTDT

▪︎ time to beat up ludinus now

▪︎ that'll go for 5000 gold in a few years

▪︎ braius is flirting with everyone with no regrets

▪︎ LORE LORE LORE

▪︎ DM SWAP. HELLO MULLIGAN. WHAT IS GOING ON.

▪︎ "LIGHT." YESSSS

▪︎ NO THAT CANNOT BE THE END. W H A T.

[tangythecat445]

another freaking total drama themed dream I had

I was in a weird hospital room, and my best friend was also there. Apparently, Gwen was pregnant and my best friend was the father. But then she swapped out for my cousin, and now my cousin was the father. (Don’t ask)

then Trent shows up. He sees that Gwen is pregnant and he just flopps on the floor and cries. It lasted a really long time, and it kept going until Cody came in and said “tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato tomato”

Then Trent stood up, completely stopped crying, and began singing party in the USA. I then find out that Gwen’s baby had cancer.

the dream stops for a bit

now I’m in the car, and Gwen was crying bc her child was given cancer by courtney. Apparently courtney had cursed Gwen and Gwen’s family for the next 9736492092748391973 years.

so courtney is a supervillain, and Gwen and I had to stop her from cursing all of the generations. In order to do that, we had to team up with Larry the cucumber and his army of purple bunnies. (Don’t ask, I don’t have answers)

So we all go to Courtney’s evil lair, and Cody was there, being held captive :0

larry the cucumber said “don’t worry tomato boy, I’ll save you!”

And so we all chanted tomato over and over again, until Cody levitated and turned into Spider-Man. Like bro was legit swingin around all over the place

then courtney was crying bc she’s scared of tomato boy. Then I woke up :(

[thenameofthismanisjerryharrison]

16 Things You Never Knew About Talking Heads. Article from Making Music, August 1986.

David Byrne was born a Scot. He entered the world in Dunbarton on May 14, 1952. When he was two his father took the family to Canada to pursue his career as an electrical engineer.

Martina Weymouth and Chris Frantz share a military background. Tina's father was in the Navy, Frantz was raised as an army brat in Fort Campbell, Kentucky.

Byrne eventually chose the Rhode Island School of Design to study (where he met Frantz and Weymouth), principally because he "liked the graffiti".

'Psycho Killer' was written by Byrne in an experimental mood to see if he could pen a song with someone else's style. He was actually following Alice Cooper having just listened to 'Billion Dollar Babies'.

Frantz and Byrne first collaborated in a university band they called The Artistics (frequently dubbed The Autistics because of the high volumes they used). Weymouth was a fan.

One of Byrne's earlier bands had been a duo with friend Mark Kehoe. They called themselves Bizaldi. Byrne played violin and ukelele and they worked on Sinatra songs.

Chris Frantz's first instrument was trumpet. He swapped to trombone when he decided he couldn't supply the required wind power, and converted to drums.

When Tina Weymouth was 12 she used to be a member of Mrs Tuft's English Handbell Ringing Group touring American churches dressed in Elizabethan costumes and playing English folk songs and medieval melodies.

Adrian Belew was invited to join the Heads in early 1981. But they told him he could only play if he didn't use any effects.

Eno first met the band in the spring of 1977 when they were playing on a date with the Ramones during a British tour.

The name "Talking Heads" was taken from a TV guide in May 1975.

Jerry Harrison first rose to fame as a keyboard player for Jonathan Richman's Modern Lovers.

Weymouth, Byrne and Frantz moved to New York looking for a bassist to complete their line up, expecting the city to be littered with them. After a depressing lack of success, Weymouth eventually bought a bass.

Lou Reed used to invite the band to his apartment, mainly, it would seem, to spend the first hour of every conversation insulting David Byrne.

Chris Frantz described the making of the "Speaking In Tongues" album as the easiest and most agreeable experience he'd ever had with Talking Heads.

Byrne picked up the phrase 'Burning Down The House' from an audience chant at a Parliament-Funkadelic concert.

[sweetbuckybarnes]

The Era Tour: 06. Act IV: reputation

Pairings: Colin Bridgerton + Penelope Featherington, Anthony + Kate Bridgerton

Polin Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Colin watched as Penelope's favourite artist disappeared from the stage. He didn't know what 'era' was coming next - just watched Penelope from the row above. He watched as she swapped places with Gregory - meaning she was standing next to two fellow Swifties. He was pretty sure that is what Penelope calls herself.

The sound of heels on the floor as well as the hissing of a snake nearly made the entire stadium erupt in screams.

Gregory must have said something to Pen because she leaned over. "Watch the entire stadium go absolutely feral!"

And feral did they go!

Colin could only watch in shock over Penelope as she pulled out body rolls and some kind of sideways hip thrust (somewhat similar to the moves Taylor Swift is producing).

"Knew he was a killer the first time that I saw him, wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted. But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom, holdin' him for ransom," the opening lyrics weren't as eye-opening as the pre-chorus and chorus were for dear Colin.

"I-I-I see how this is gon' go. Touch me and you'll never be alone, I-Island breeze and lights down low, no one has to know. In the middle of the night, in my dreams. You should see the things we do, baby (mmm). In the middle of the night, in my dreams, I know I'm gonna be with you. So I'll take my time, are you ready for it?"

It made Colin look at Penelope with a mix of awe, shock and even wonder. He shouldn't be pinning after his little sister's best friend like he is. But sometimes the heart wants what it wants.

Colin had heard rumours of chants at the concert. Turns out, this was one of them.

"This ain't for the best. My reputation's never been worse, so. You must like me for me. We can't make any promises, now can we, babe? But you can make me a drink!"

Which was quickly followed by "1, 2, 3! Let's go, bitch!"

The second chorus made Colin wonder who Penelope had been seeing, may possibly be seeing. She hasn't said anything to him, the often shared stories. If Penelope hadn't told me, Eloise would have (he remembered when Eloise had bragged about Penelope's date to their secondary school prom).

"Third floor on the West Side, me and you. Handsome, you're a mansion with a view. Do the girls back home touch you like I do?" Was sung, which made Penelope look over at the two other Swifties, and shook her head - then giggled when she realised that Taylor Swift was doing the exact same thing. "Long night with your hands up in my hair," Penelope ran her fingers through her hair. "Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs. Stay here, honey, I don't want to share. 'Cause I like you."

It was going to bug Colin, who the hell Penelope was seeing. Whoever it was, didn't deserve her. What if you're good enough for Penelope? A voice said in the back of Colin's brain.

Did he? Could he dem himself 'good enough' for Penelope?

The next song to play was Don't Blame Me, which as Colin listened to it - sounded very gospel-like. Colin watched as Penelope sang along at the top of her lungs, so much so because he was so close, he could only just hear her over the sound of the speakers.

"I've been breakin' hearts a long time, and, toyin' with them older guys. Just playthings for me to use. Something happened for the first time, in the darkest little paradise, shakin', pacin', I just need you," Colin couldn't believe the dance moves Penelope was pulling out, he looked over at Kate (who wasn't paying attention to Penelope), then he looked over at Eloise and his mother (neither were paying attention to Penelope either). "For you, I would cross the line. I would waste my time, I would lose my mind. They say she's gone too far this time."

Then the song hit its pinnacle. Heavily leaning into the gospel sound. "Oh, Lord, save me, my drug is my baby. I'll be using for the rest of my life," Taylor Swift's backup singers sang, as she looked down the stage and into the camera.

"Using for the rest of my life, oh!" She hit a very high note, then sang the higher notes as both the backing track and her backup singers sang the main track.

"Don't blame me. Don't blame me. Don't blame me for what you made me do," the third sentence made the fans in the stadium freak out. "Don't blame me. Don't blame me. Don't blame me for what. You. Made. Me. Do!"

The gospel sound of Don't Blame Me changed into the dark fantasy sound of Look What You Made Me Do.

"I don't like your little games, don't like your tilted stage. The role you made me play of the fool, no, I don't like you," Colin had watched as Penelope and the two Swifties exchanged bracelets much like she did with the little girl in front of her. "I don't like your perfect crime, how you laugh when you lie. You said the gun was mine, isn't cool, no, I don't like you. Oh!"

"But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time. Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time. I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined. I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!"

She walked down the stage very quickly, during the bridge. "I'm sorry. But the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, 'cause she's dead!" She jumped and landed on her shins then her knees

"Look what you made me do. Look what you just made me do. Look what you just made me do."

As soon as she disappeared into the stage, the reputation era was over.

[iwishf1wasreal]

(minus a few who were too hard to find arrival pics of) no one asked for this and yet!!!! here we are!!!

*obligatory disclaimer* these are just my opinions. this is not criticism about how the drivers look or their physical appearance. this is not to rank the drivers on anything other than their choices/outfits. plz do not take this seriously, i am just a random weird woman posting online. i have no credibility, only passion and rage.

CATEGORY #1 - SERVING (THE POSITIVES)

P1: LEWIS HAMILTON

I MEAN....LIKE WE SAY IT EVERY TIME...

do i wish it wasn't an old navy tank top tunic dress? yes. but his supple breasts are out...... i cant focus on anything else.....my heart beats in my ears... dont ask me what color the anything is. I DONT KNOW I CANT SEE IT

P2: LANDO NORRIS

Perhaps the MOST surprising pick for me. Is Lando hot??????????? I've been asking myself this for months......he also seems to be entering his fashion girl era. (FINALLY!!!) He was pictured in an Aimé sweatshirt (A JUMPA for ur english and former english colony folk) so i have high hopes. Maybe I'm just seduced by his Dutch battle scars but he really came thru today. at first i thought he was in miyake and i was literally going to go BALD. but its not :( the brand is basically an even more expensive Zara lmao but...baby steps lol

P3: FERNANDO ALONSO

When Kevin Jz Prodigy chants 'eating the old way! serving the old way! serving the old way!', they meant that about grandpa stunting in head to toe WAG white. he's got the youthful shoes, casual polo with the dad fit, linen trousers for the swap weather. its classic. reminding all the wags who the real bad bitch is.

P4: ZHOU GUANYU

The media is doing him sooo dirty by not showing the back of his jersey!! its not my favorite look he's ever done but it's only media day. i think he looks great in red and i love the blackletter font on the back. I do wish the front was a little cuter but his pants are really cool (sorry theyre cropped out lol) and he's still giving personality and taste!

P6: OSCAR PIASTRI

ok yes he does have the 6th grade boy who's still close with his mother fit on under the jersey but he's always stayed true to who he is. i like that he's worn jerseys to races/race locations he seems excited about like he wore one in Melbourne for his home race. AND this one is signed?! he came with a goal in mind and it was to GAG the fellow jocks at the paddock. jock4jock if you will. gotta respect it.

P7: YUKI TSUNODA

it's a basic serve but a serve nonetheless. he's comfy, he's casual and looks good. i like this color on him a lot and the contrast between the pink and red is fun. hair is looking super good too!!! this is gonna be a good weekend for him, i'm demanding it from the universe!!

P8: VALTERRI BOTTAS & LANCE STROLL

A tie because they're both just on the diva in a tee vibe. You can't blame a comfort queen for being one! The color is nice on Lance and Val is sporting that farm's tan well.

CATEGORY #2 - CHOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (THE BAD AND THE MEH)

P8: LOGAN SARGENT & ALEX ALBON

Another tie because they both just came in team livery. that's literally the only reason they were included in this category. though it pains me to rate alex anything other than handsome, wifed and successful. he does look great in them trousers and who can resist him in blue! hoping for a little creativity (arriving with lily) tomorrow!! as for logan...this is ur home race.....i better see something real special and/or Floridian tomorrow or ELSE.........CHOP!!!

P9: DANIEL RICCIARDO

I know the girls are not gonna like this one. But i must speak my truth.....even if you won't hear it....

I don't think anyone is surprised he's wearing his own merch. It would be better for me if it was a little more interesting than his last few releases of just his brand's logo but I like the color and detailing. He's, of course, wearing the wrong size. Personally, if i were trying to promote my own brand, I would perfect tailor the shirt to fit my body so it looked like the best shirt i've ever worn. The Purse by Dre is probably the best part if only because its so stupid and useless. The cargo pants....look, as a former fan, I know that he prefers to dress in baggier clothes. I'm not knocking him for that--who doesn't love a billowing tee to hide the body tea but when you're a 35 year old millionaire...why do your pants not fit you. This is saggy crotch and diaper butt territory. From a styling perspective, sometimes wearing oversized clothes only makes you look smaller. Like you're drowning in your own clothes. That's what it always looks like to me with DR. I know he's interested in fashion and yeah maybe he is still on my shit list but for someone of his status and with the level of resources he has at his disposal...like this man went to the MET GALA with an actually good nEW YORK BASED DESIGNER. what is this...CHOPPPPP

LAST PLACE (THERES NOT THAT MANY SORRY): FUCKASS FERRARI CARLOSER SAINZ AND CHARLES LECHOP!!!!!!!!!

Ugh. heavy on my mind AND my spirit. Never has powdered blue made me so viscerally annoyed. Normally I love this color but not like this. If the design was actually good, I would still hate it but lucky for a hater like me, the design is SOOOOOOOOO hideous. I guess one of the top ten corporations ruining our planets wasn't enough of a steal for them, they had to add a double whammy for genocide blood money too! Puma AND Hp? It's like they thought the BDS chart was a bingo card. The mechanic style name tags are a nice touch too. Very down to earth for millionaires who's private plane usage might be able to rival THAT woman. Blue collar cosplay is kinda fun when you don't actually have to live paycheck to paycheck! Its nice that their name tages are so low too, so you remember that they've sold their souls out to corporations. It's really only a matter of time before a thirst photoshoot with laptops come out or Charles shoves his puppy into a printer. But hey! At least Charles is investing in the local community! Always nice to see million dollar homes sell when the cost of living for a normal person is 30% over the national average in a city where it's illegal to sleep on the streets🥰 CHOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(ok yes, i am aware these men are all millionaires and only one of them have so much as acknowledged the mass murder of Palestinians. but i'll talk my shit forever if it means there's just one person talking about the real world in the f1 space. FREE PALESTINE. BELIEVE WOMEN. FUCK COMFORTABILITY AND THESE MEN WHO PROTECT EACH OTHER. THEY NEVER WANTED US IN THIS SPORT TO BEGIN WITH, ALL THE MORE REASON TO REMIND THEM I'M HERE!!!!!!!!!)

sorry for the rant. this was originally going to be about fashion. and it still is. sorta. BYE

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Kamino

Clone Cadets being looked after by a Cuy’val Dar.

A/N: Finally got my first @clonexreaderbingo prompt done! Thanks to @a-single-tulip for inspiring 🥰 gonna drop this and go to bed, so hit me up if you see anything I missed.

Square: Kamino

Warnings: mention of blood, war, children, weapons, my own version of cadet training and fighting.

Word Count: 3666 😬

Cuy’val Dar: Those who no longer exist

Osik: Shit

Udesii: Calm down

Kandosii: Nice one

‘ika: Little

Buir: Father

The rain lashed against your window, raging in the howling wind like it was trying to reach you. Each patter was faintly heard whipping into the thick transparisteel only to dash out of existence. The whole of this facility was state of the art, designed to weather the harshest of storms, protected to the hilt from catastrophic waves and jarring winds that would sweep you off the platforms and out to sea.

Your alarm started to buzz, an irritated grating noise that you had learnt to block out.

Everyday here was the same. The routine was rigid, structured down to the very minute, so the clones that were under your care got the most from their lessons.

With a sigh, you hauled yourself from your bed, glaring at the bright white that assaulted your eyes every time you blinked. Thankfully what the Kaminoans were paying you for doing this daily osik was enough to keep you going. And the boys weren’t that bad. Really.

Your armour was stacked up in the ‘fresher. You had barely needed it the last couple of years, having your arms full of babies and small children rather than weapons and other people’s appendages before you cut them off. Clutching the sink you steeled yourself to keep going, every morning was the same drag but as the day wore on it got easier. Until you fell asleep and you had to start all over again.

Slipping on a new set of fatigues you slapped your cheeks in an effort to startle yourself awake, trying to get that sharpness back that had been dulled from being in this white washed, aiwha-bait, infested hell hole.

First things first—breakfast.

The kids were awake by the time you got to their room and it looked like Fox had woken up on the wrong side of his bunk today. None of them even noticed you’d entered, standing in a circle as they chanted fight, fight to the two kids in the middle, really going for it.

You cocked an eyebrow when Fox slugged a decent left hook into the side of Cody’s face but the kid didn’t go down. He was dazed and Fox took advantage of that, yelling as he launched himself at his brother and flattening him.

Honestly. All before they’d even eaten.

“Udesii!” You pushed your way through the boys, hauling the angry red faced nearly four year old off the other and putting him in a rugby hold on your hip.

The others backed up, their caramel brown eyes wide as you glared at them all and suddenly they remembered what to do. Lining up, shoulders back, standing rigidly to attention. Cody groaned from his position on the floor specks of blood dripping from his nose or lips, you didn’t know, you didn’t care. Not this early in the day.

“Get up.” You grabbed his collar and got a look at his face as he sniffed and smeared the blood across his cheek.

“I’m ok, Sarge,” but as he spoke you could see blood between his teeth and you sighed.

“Go and see Mij,” you told him, shoving him towards the door. You still had hold of Fox who had gone remarkably still in your hold, he hung heavily and you knew he was hankering to get down. Being held like this was probably humiliating. So you jostled him into a better position and walked up and down the line of the others.

They were all identical to someone who didn’t know them. Their eyes were the same shade, their hair had the same cut, they could swap clothes and all still look exactly the same. You could tell them apart though. Noticing the slightly different shade of Rex’s eyes compared to Cody’s. Or the browner colour of Keeli’s hair next to the deep black of Wilco’s. And their personalities were all sparks from the same flame, some just burned hotter than others or channelled it differently.

“Rex’ika.” One of the boys stepped forward, sneaking a glance at Fox who was turning even more red as he hung his head as low as it would go. “What happened?”

Instantly they all started gabbing at once and you held up a hand, silencing them instantly. “I asked, Rex. Speak.” He drew himself up taller, pushing his shoulders back and you saw the frown marking his face.

“I’m not entirely sure, Sarge. I woke up to the sound of a scuffle as they had woken up first. Their shouting woke the others and that’s…” his shoulders sagged slightly but then he steeled himself and carried on. “That’s when we all got up to watch them.” Fox was getting heavy now, so you dumped him on his feet and he stood sullenly with his head down.

“None of you saw what started it?” You asked and they all shook their heads. “Fox’ika.” Crouching to his level you prodded his shoulder and he lifted a hand to rub his arm. “Why?”

“Because he grabbed my collar so he could get into the ‘fresher before me!”

“And that was reason enough to make him bleed, was it?”

“I’m sorry,” he pouted. “I didn’t mean to but he just made me so angry.” You sighed, shaking your head as you got up.

“Anyone would think I’ve got a bunch of Nulls on my hands,” you breathed. “Come on. Breakfast. Chop chop or you’ll miss out.” You watched them file out, Rex in the lead with Howzer on his heels, followed by Thorne, Wolffe, Keeli, Grey, Fox, Wilco and Bly.

This group of ten troublemakers were your boys for another a year before they joined the wider ranks. You oversaw their training, taught them to look after themselves as well as each other. It felt like you were failing at that at the moment.

You followed them to the mess hall where they each grabbed a tray and chose what they wanted this morning, sitting in neat rows at their usual bench and you joined them, feeling Cody’s absence.

“You’ve lost one,” a deep voice said behind you and you turned in your seat.

“Thanks for that observation, Jango. You know, I hadn’t noticed.”

“Fighting again?” He sat down at your bench with his son. Boba was older than your boys, (if you went by their visual age) only by a couple of years, but you could already see Jango’s influence over him. He glared at your cadets who stared at the older boy with wide eyes as they chewed silently.

“One’s in the medbay,” you said, chucking a haughty look at Fox who didn’t cow under yours and Jango’s combined scrutiny.

“I see the aiwha-bait hasn’t ruined them completely,” he murmured.

“They could be worse, I suppose.” You tossed the bland food back onto the tray, making a point to raid Skirata’s room for some uj cake for the boys later. “Eat up. We’ve got deecee training in 5 minutes.” There was a collective scuffle as they quickened their chewing, these boys were always hungry and you wondered if they had enough to eat at all times. But if you faltered in their training, they failed in their tests and then it reflected badly on you and they got punished. And nothing broke your heart more than seeing your boys with tears in their eyes because they didn’t achieve their best and they were made to relive that.

Exactly on the hour, they were lined up, dumping their rubbish and slipping their tray into a stack before heading off to the training area. This one was set in the middle of Tipoca, each area blocked off so multiple groups could train at one time. You and the rest of the Cuy’val Dar, working together to make an army. An army of children.

The boys spread out, Cody slipping in at the last minute and taking his place next to Rex. Each deecee was in pieces on the ground before them. The challenge was to make the blaster, correctly, and take out the targets before anyone else. Take the blaster apart and move onto the next weapon. Rinse and repeat.

“Go!” You barked, not needing to prepare them before your order, they knew the drill. You paced up and down, pursing your lips as you watched their little fingers deftly put together a weapon that could fell a bantha with one shot.

You heard the whir as the first deecee charged up successfully and Wolffe was off. His aim was perfect, it had been since he looked two years old. Next to go was Fox. The challenge now was for them to work effectively together, aware of each other in the field while staying on their main objectives.

Keeli was next, sliding in on his knees as he clocked a shot on the first target. Bly and Howzer went together, automatically splitting and taking opposite sides. You looked across at Rex, his gaze was on the cadet next to him as he waited for Cody to catch him up so they could go together.

Eventually they were all in the maze of targets and you watched their scores on the screen, leaning easily against the wall. Wolffe and Fox returned, taking apart their Carbines and turning to the rifles.

Not a word was spoken and you honestly wondered if they communicated telepathically. Sometimes it scared you how in sync they were but when they had the same brain patterns, getting the same training, some similar behaviour was inevitable.

Wolffe clocked the best numbers today, Fox not far behind and the rest were all fairly evenly matched. You tried not to think how they would soon be doing this with live rounds. And they wouldn’t be yours anymore.

You pressed some buttons as they waited patiently for the room to change, the droid targets disappearing, being replaced with a weapons wrack.

“Pair up.” Your commands were needless but sometimes you just needed to hear someone say something. Even if it was yourself. “Today we’re using blades.” The boys put on their contact sensors and each took a knife from the rack. Fox and Thorne, Wolffe and Howzer, Rex and Cody, Bly and Wilco, Keeli and Grey all stood there looking at you. “Ready positions.” You activated their sensors with a touch of a button and you saw them all tense. “Begin.”

You watched the hits increase on the screen, seeing Howzer was coming out on top today and you felt a sense of pride. Thorne was beating Fox, which probably wouldn’t go down well. Usually those two were thick as thieves.

“Switch!” There was a groan, Keeli tipped his head back, making it obvious he didn’t want to switch from Grey. Fox pushed him causing the cadet to stumble which started another fight. Before you could move Rex and Howzer stepped in, kids being adults.

“Udesii!” You stressed for a second time today. Spreading your arms as you stepped between them. “What crawled in your fatigues and died today?” But Fox just glared at you. You thought he was going to spill whatever was troubling him, but then he lowered his gaze.

“Nothing,” he muttered, shrugging off Howzer.

“Fine. Continue.”

There were no more incidents. They went to lunch and ate in silence, shooting looks at one another as Fox concentrated on his food.

You hated the way the ration cubes coated your mouth in a chalky paste but you made a point of eating what they did in the mess hall. If only the Kaminoans would vary it every now and again. Maybe you could bring it up with Jango. He was the golden boy after all.

After lunch it was study time. They sat at desks and just absorbed. It really blew your mind the amount of information they went through everyday. Lists of species, equipment they’ll be using including their kit, so when they finally grew into it they’d know exactly what they were doing. Ships and their specs, droids and their functions—it just carried on and on flashing before their eyes. They talked now, shouting facts to one another, answering questions and relaxing a little.

You let them. As long as they stayed on topic you enjoyed watching their interactions. Occasionally you sat with them, answering what questions you could but already painfully aware their knowledge surpassed yours dramatically. You were just a supervisor until they went up to the next level.

Dinner was more relaxed, they talked, laughed and acted like children for a moment. It made you ache inside, knowing their lives were going to be so short, bred for a single purpose that could make their lives even shorter.

It was getting darker, not that you could tell on this infernal, cloud covered hellhole. You were walking the boys back to their quarters when you came across Rav and her clutch of lads with their noses pressed against the thick transparisteel. They sounded excited, gasping and giggling as they pointed outside and you let your boys blend in with hers.

“What’s going on?” You asked quietly.

“Kal. He’s got his hands full,” she chuckled. You leaned to look outside, not seeing anything at first until you realised you were looking at a foot on the outside. Your eyes travelled up to see two young clones climbing the dome of the mess hall, in the driving rain.

“Kandosii!” You exclaimed with a grin, as Mereel caught your eye and gave you a quick wave. “Keep your hands on the line, boy.”

“I don’t know how Kal hasn’t died of a heart attack,” she muttered. “Come on, boys. Bedtime.” Her lads separated from yours and carried on walking in the opposite direction.

You led the way for your lot, listening to them talking about the Nulls like they were some sort of other species. But if the Nulls were causing mischief…it meant Kal’s room was empty.

“Inside…if I come back and you’re fighting or doing anything you shouldn’t, I will make you watch me eat Kal’buir’s uj cake. Got it?”

“Yes, sarge!” Came an excited, blended response and you nodded. Closing the door, you hurried off, keying in the code for Kal’s room and hoping he didn’t catch you red handed. Rather you’d let him assume it was his boys than you, not that he’d be mad. You just liked him wondering where all his food was going.

“Kandosii,” you whispered, dragging the sticky heavy cake out and slicing it up neatly. You were able to get five large chunks and halve them, pushing the cake back together so it didn’t look like any was missing. You’d done this way too many times. Wrapping up the slices you quickly exited his room and went back to your boys.

You found them sitting on their bunks, or sitting on the crate looking outside. Rex was happily swinging his legs over the edge of his bunk, a little smile alighting his face when he saw you return. They clamoured around you, excited whispers filled the room until they were all chomping happily. That would keep them quiet for a moment. But you had one slice left.

Fox was in his bunk, back turned to the room as he pretended to be asleep already. You even checked on him, putting a hand on his back and feeling him tense up.

“All right boys! Wash, teeth and then bed.” They took turns and you watched proudly until they were all settled in their beds. “Lights out,” you warned them, plunging the room into darkness save for the lightning that slashed through the room.

Back in your quarters you left the cake on the side. You debated eating it but something said, you were going to need it.

Sure enough, just as you started to doze there came a small noise at your door. Activating the panel it opened to reveal Fox standing with his hands behind his back. He scuffed the floor with his bare toes and refused to look at you.

“Come on then,” you sighed. He seated himself on the little sofa you had, his eyes watching every move you made as you put the cake on a plate and handed it to him. He didn’t take it and you gently sat beside him. “Fox’ika…you can talk to me.” His hands fisted in his lap and you gasped when he suddenly dived into your arms. His grip was tight and that’s when you noticed he was shaking slightly, so you put the plate down and hugged him back. Rubbing little circles along his shoulders as he quietly cried into your top. You murmured to him in Mando’a, letting him know he was ok while all the time hating this entire programme and what it was doing.

These boys had only existed for less than 2 years and already had seen and done more than the average human adult in their entire lifetime. The strain was immense, you knew because you could feel it, you saw it everyday. Just because they didn’t know any better didn’t mean it wasn’t a struggle. They were human, real blooded humans after all and they needed some nurture amidst everything else.

“What happened with Cod’ika?” You finally asked when his emotions had slowed down.

“I was coming to see you,” he admitted straight away. “He was awake and saw me get up, I thought he was going to tease me…” he trailed off and you took a breath.

“So you punched him instead?” Fox sat up and rubbed his sleeve over his face, giving a shrug that told you everything you wanted to know. “Eat your cake.” He dived on the plate with relish, getting crumbs all over the seat but you didn’t care. Your attention was drawn back to the door and Fox looked at you with wide, scared eyes. “It’s ok,” you reassured him, slipping your blaster free of the holster that hung on the back of your chair. It was habit, to react this way, you didn’t trust the Kaminoans as far as you could throat them. You checked the safety and then punched the door open only to come face to face with a group of shining wide eyes.

“Is Fox’ika in here?” Wolffe asked, a slight scowl marking his brow. “His bunk is empty.” Howzer eyed your blaster with the gaze of someone who knew what he was looking at.

“A modified DE-10 pistol,” he rattled off.

“Yeah. Of course you knew that.” The safety clicked back on and they all exhaled as one. “Get in here before the aiwha-bait see you.” You checked the corridor and shut your door. The nine of them clambered onto the sofa, squeezing around Fox as he broke off tiny pieces of his cake and shared them with everyone. “Now, why am I getting the special treatment tonight?”

“We were worried,” Cody spoke up. “We thought Fox’ika got in trouble.”

“No one is in trouble,” you told them. Their companionship touched you and it made tears threaten to spring to your eyes. They fought like siblings, because they were siblings.

Their heads followed your motions as you crouched next to the sofa. “This, right here, I want you to remember it.”

“Why?” Asked Grey with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Because one day you’re going to be scattered. There’s going to be moments where you think nothing is worth continuing for. When you hit those dark moments I want you to think back to this, right here. The warmth in your chest,” as you spoke you prodded at Wilco’s chest and he suppressed a giggle. “The feeling of always having a brother at your side even when you fall out.” Now you prodded Cody and he had the decency to look slightly sheepish. “Because no matter what happens you will all have each other, through thick and thin, through the battles and the sickening distance. Nothing can break this bond you have.” They all looked at each other, Bly leaned into Thorne and rested his head on his shoulder, Rex put his arm around Fox and the rest huddled in for the embrace.

“I’m sorry, Cod’ika,” Fox spoke up unprompted.

“It’s ok,” Cody replied. “Made one of my teeth wobbly, see!” They crowded round to get a look at his tooth that barely moved but he looked so proud. You bet Mij had told him the punch made it wobbly to make him feel like it was worth it.

“Come on, you lot. I need to sneak you back to your room.”

“Can we stay here?” Keeli asked quietly but the rest didn’t say anything, just turning one by one to look at you with pleading eyes. How could you resist?

“Ok. Ok, make yourselves comfy.” You went over to your bed, surprised when they came over and clambered over the sheets to settle in bedside you. “Oh, you actually meant, here. With me.”

“It’s cold in our room,” Thorne said. “Reminds me of the tank.” The others all murmured in agreement and you closed your eyes, laying back against the pillow and having your arms spread so at least four of the boys could lay on them.

The others pressed in around you and soon enough they drifted off, becoming heavy deadweights that cut the blood supply off to all your extremities. Still, you’d rather face down the entire population of Death Watch than move any of these sleeping troublemakers from your side.

Lightning flashed like a jagged spike, thunder curling outside as it wrapped around Tipoca. You had already made a vow to make these boys the best of the best, but now it burned hotter than ever. They deserved to be Commanders, Captains, leading the charge with their Jedi Generals. These boys deserved the finest gear and the best chance of staying alive. And you were going to equip them with everything they needed to survive. Even when they weren’t your charges anymore, they’d always be your boys.

[ill-written-god]

T | 290 | m/m necromancer/frankenstein's monster kinda | horror elements kinda | cw for some grave robbing, corpse desecration and harvesting body parts | local necromancer helps in his boyfriend's transition in the way he knows best :)

The moon was high in the sky, casting soft light on the gravestones. Two lovers met around a pile of wreaths, admiring them for a moment, sniffing the live bouquets, before pushing them aside to reveal the grave below. The stillness of the night was broken by a metallic cling of a shovel and a chant of pet names that followed.

"My love, my darling, the sweetest man I've ever met!" one of the figures singsonged, shovel striking the freshly upturned soil. His love, a man sitting on top of a nearby tombstone, giggled, legs kicking against granite.

"My daddy dearest, the light of my life," he chanted back, eyes cast towards the moon, and his lover started digging. The pile of soil grew in size slowly, covering the wreaths, and spilling onto other graves. It took enough for the horizon to lighten behind them. 

Finally, the shovel hit the wooden casket. The man swapped to  a crowbar and it opened easily, his movements well known and practised. The necromancer eyed his loot.

"Come here baby, see if this'll suffice."

His companion jumped off the tombstone and kneeled on the grave's edge. He watched him cut open the expensive suit, exposing the body beneath, the parts they were looking for. 

"Ooh, it's perfect."

"You like it?" he looked up grinning, his knife already in hand.

"Of course!"

With his partner's approval, he went to work, glad that the weekly trips to the mortuary and reading obituaries proved fruitful. Soon, he was presenting the new part to his boyfriend, who hastily posed his first dick over his crotch.

"How do I look?"

"Like I can't wait to feel you inside me."

The man chuckled in delight. 

"Let's go attach it, then."

[becoming-who-ive-always-been]

The opening is my story...

I was born biologically a male and forced into a male role from birth. ... Regardless of my late-in-life diagnosis, I was raised as a 100% pure-blooded all American baby-boomer male. Hurrah! I was fully indoctrinated by the Playboy philosophy of gender and sex. Instead of chanting from the quotes of Mao in the 1960s and 70s, I swapped copies of Playboy and Penthouse magazines with my friends trading them like baseball cards. Because I had to drink the male Kool-Aid, I was forced to share my opinions on the shape and size of the breasts of each centerfold woman in the manly way that [was] expected of me. But it never felt right to me. I secretly admitted to myself…and only myself, that I was jealous of the women in the magazines. I wished I was them. I kept my secret through my early professional male years, even to middle age....

...and this is part of mine...

[jacke-12]

Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey (1971) - Paul and Linda McCartney

Genre: progressive pop, psychedelic pop

Peak position on US Billboard Hot 100: 1

After The Beatles broke up Paul McCartney released two widely dismissed albums, McCartney and Ram. He made music that was too lightweight, too inconsequential - he needed John Lennon to add some edge to their music. Of course, these critiques have been swapped for praise in recent years, and it is McCartney's playfulness and charm that makes his best solo work so great. This song is perhaps the best on Ram and a perfect example of why he deserves just as much respect as George and John did for their solo work.

It certainly doesn't lack in ambition; so much happens in five minutes. It is another song in the same vein as "A Day In The Life" and "Baby, You're A Rich Man", in that it is composed of unfinished songs spliced together to form a complete one. The first of the medley, "Uncle Albert", is a gentle song, with a sweet melody, but with that psychedelic strangeness hanging over it with the sound effects of the thunder and rain, and the disorienting, swirling backing vocals towards the end of the section. It gradually builds before it transitions into "Admiral Halsey", the livelier of the two tracks. This song will at points randomly speed up and slow down as Paul McCartney sings in an exaggerated British accent in between goofy horn sections and, surprisingly, the soaring, magnificent "hands across the water" chorus.

People made fun of Linda McCartney's singing but I love what her voice adds to this album, and when they sing together like on this chorus it is so fun and lovable (I always think its sweet when couples make music together like this). They combine to similar excellent effect on "Long Haired Lady" later in the album, which also features a repeated chant as on this song.

I have no idea what "Hands across the water / hands across the sky" means, or what the lyrics mean at any point in the song, but that's part of the fun. And the song is always fun, and never takes itself seriously. Sure, it is incredibly aware of how silly and charming it is but when it succeeds at being silly and charming then I don't think that matters. And I admire Paul a lot for choosing to make music that's less serious, even if it makes it easy to overlook him in favour of his ex-bandmates' much grander artistic statements. Paul's work and this song are quietly ambitious and just as artistic; they contain many interesting and unique ideas, but still always try to be cute and likeable as well.