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feminexisting · 1 year ago

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Arclight by Josin L. McQuein

I’ve presumably owned this book for a few years now, though I don’t remember buying it. It has a Used/Quality Guaranteed sticker on it and a Hastings price tag indicating I bought it for $8.99. I chose to read this book I think because the cover was nice and the synopsis sounded vaguely interesting.

The premise is that the Arclight is one of Humanity’s last strangleholds against the forces of the Fade, a hivemind of nanite-infested used-to-be humans. Marina, the protagonist, came from the Grey, an area in the no-man’s-land between the Arclight and The Dark, the Fade’s home. She lost all memories of her time before she came to the Arclight. The humans are scared of her and many of them dislike her because some of their own were lost in the expedition to save her. Marina’s life is turned upside down after the Fade invade the Arclight one day. One Fade boy, named Rue, takes her to The Dark, where she learns that, not only do the Fade not wish harm on the humans, they just don’t understand them, but also that the believed-to-be-dead members of the expedition party are actually alive and were saved by the Fade. Marina slowly gains back her memories, learning that not only did she come from The Dark, but she was a Fade as well, and she now has to choose between going back to the home she remembers to save The Fade from the Arclight humans, or to stay with The Fade and attempt to recapture what was lost.

Right off the bat, I need to say that this book was frustrating in a few different ways. It started off by dragging the reader along as though we already knew everything, which is a pet peeve of mine, and it took its sweet time to explain to us what we needed to know. It pushes the most convenient romantic relationship onto us, even though it makes no sense from the information we are told. The main character seems resistant to change. The main character’s best friend barely gets any time, even though the main character talks about how important the best friend is to her at least once or twice. We’re given a love triangle that never even lets the second love interest get a foothold. The villain of the novel is just... ignored at the end, rather than being dealt with in any sort of way. The entire book, overall, can be described by one word: unsatisfying.

We’re told right off the bat that Tobin hates Marina for being the cause of his father’s death, and yet they’re pushed together almost immediately. She stops him from fighting by kissing him, he tries to save her life, they get incredibly close in the span of a few days, it’s all just so miserable. They don’t make any sense. It was more interesting when Tobin hated her and blamed her for his dad dying. It would’ve been better if they didn’t like each other for longer, if the hate had festered. It’s okay to let it fester. That makes it more interesting.

It felt like we never had enough time with the side characters, any of them, besides Tobin. Marina explains on two different occasions how important Anne-Marie (Annie) is to her, yet we hardly ever see them talk, to the point it feels ridiculous that Annie even went into The Dark to save her with Tobin. Or, at one point, Annie’s mother blames Marina for her daughter having been in such a dangerous situation, but we feel completely neutral about the entire event because we don’t know what she’s like normally. Mr. Pace seems to genuine care about his students, but we only see him in passing. Mr. Wolff, the doctor, seems like a kindhearted man with a genuine interest in Marina, but we only see him briefly. Honoria, the villain of the novel, is probably the most interesting character in the book, being almost as old as the Arclight itself, at least a hundred years old, if not having been around for the end of the world (I can’t remember), the nanites took her brother, she was infected and could hear the voices of the Fade, and she hated them so much that she burned the voices out of herself, even though she still saw her brother, and yet we don’t have enough time with her. She’s so interesting that she steals every scene she’s in, yet her scenes are so few that I forget so much about her.

Anne Marie deserved better. She was constantly kept in the dark throughout the novel, up until she runs into The Dark to save Marina. She isn’t told the truth about her brother, she isn’t told about The Fade because she’s a worrywart, nobody ever confides in her... we’re told that she and Marina are best friends, but we never actually SEE it. I would rather have put the love triangle on the backburner and focus more on their friendship, with Marina learning that she can confide in and trust Annie, etc.

One nice thing about the book is the ignorance the characters have of life before The Fade. They’re about six generations removed from that world, so outside of Tobin’s mom’s artifacts and Honoria, nobody really knows about what the world was like before. It was an interesting bit of worldbuilding to have it so that the characters didn’t even know about shooting stars, because they aren’t really able to see them at night thanks to the lights around the Arclight.

The pacing of the book was weird. We only learn that Marina and Cherish, Rue’s girlfriend, are the same person in, like, the last quarter of the book, maybe the last fifth. It would’ve been more rewarding to learn that slightly sooner, so Marina could commit to wanting to help the Fade faster, and even the love triangle could’ve benefitted from it.

The Fade themselves are interesting. I appreciate their ability to mimic their surroundings and I think it’s cool how they’re a hivemind and I think it’s interesting how they don’t need to speak out loud to talk with each other, instead communicating in thoughts and emotions. It was cool in The Dark how they all closed in around her, how she was overwhelmed and almost overtaken by them. It was cool how they saw the humans who they healed as being part of the hive, even though they couldn’t communicate properly. It was cool how the hive healed them, even though they shot at each other.It was an interesting choice, having them able to reproduce organically. I think it would have been better if they could only reproduce by overtaking humans, but it makes sense that biologically they would be capable of it, considering human is their model and they can overtake humans as well. It’s cool how those born as Fade can disperse into nanites to get through small cracks and things. It’s cool how the search party people are, like, half Fade thanks to the nanites in their bodies saving them and keeping them alive. It’s cool how the nanites were the only thing keeping Tobin’s mom alive.

Another thing I thought was interesting was, firstly, Marina learning she was Cherish, and secondly, the origin of her name. I had guessed Marina was some sort of Fade hybrid early into the book thanks to her physical description (white hair in particular), but I hadn’t expected her to actually be Rue’s Cherish, which was a cool twist. I only wish they had done more with that, rather than have her be relegated to a back part of Marina’s mind, practically inaccessible, all but locked away even after the truth was revealed, and never becoming a full part of Marina, joining the whole. I can’t remember if Rue tried to give her his nanites and it didn’t work, or if he didn’t try. I can’t think of any reason for it not to work, but I don’t know. I thought the reveal of the origin of her name was very interesting; Rue knew who she was the entire time, but lacked the ability to explain it to her. He was very adamant that she was not Marina, not dead water, but he couldn’t explain what he meant. I thought Marina knew that that wasn’t her real name, though? I don’t know why she was so shocked to learn that it wasn’t.

This book had a lot of REALLY CONVENIENT plot points. Tobin and Anne Marie just happening to be in The Dark when Marina woke up, there just happening to be secret tunnels in the Arclight, Tobin knowing exactly where to go in the tunnels, Marina and Tobin being under containment in the white room but nobody is watching them, and then being able to find the computer and access the files with ease, etc etc. It was annoying, I wish there was more conflict.

I hate that Marina named Rue, Rue. He settled on “Cherish” for the one he loved, but he was named sorrow/regret. I thought he was going to be named something like Dear, but no, Rue. And it’s so tragic, because he had so much love inside of him! And I just think he was the better love interest. Yes, once again, I choose the second love interest over the first. But, come on! He broke into the Arclight just to save her, and I think he also took it in stride better that Marina and Cherish weren’t really the same person anymore, and he loved her in spite of it, whereas it seemed Tobin refused to believe or accept that Marina was anybody BUT Marina, y’know? Rue and Tobin were both arguing over Marina and insinuating that she was wholly the version of her that they knew, either Marina or Cherish, but that she couldn’t be both. I should have been equally mad at them for this, but it felt more egregious from Tobin, because he hated the Fade so adamantly and refused to admit that she could be anything except her human self, and he was disgusted by her Fade side, whereas Rue at least tried to accept her Fade side even though he didn’t understand it. I wish that she had chosen Rue at the end. Honestly, Rue and Tobin hating each other was pretty annoying, too - vaguely understandable, at least from Tobin’s viewpoint of all Fade being the same and culpable, but Rue was especially hostile to Tobin, even after having gotten Cherish back. I know it was for the love triangle, but it just seemed so nonsensical on Rue’s end, he seemed like he should have been so above it, like his hate for Tobin didn’t make sense.

It felt like the revelation that Marina was a Fade, and also that she had Fade family, should’ve been bigger. Marina mentions the idea of a family multiple times throughout the book, always dreaming of returning to them, but then she finally meets her mom and her sister, and it just... is nothing? She yells at her sister, Blanca, and makes her cry, but Blanca still loves her, and her mom protects her once, but she still just leaves them in the Dark and chooses to stay in the Arclight, and she doesn’t even think about it? What was even the point of having them at all, then?

Again, in the end, the only thing I can say about the book is that it was unsatisfying. Honoria was never brought to justice, the Fade and the humans never united and became one, Marina chooses the Arclight and Tobin over her Fade family and the Dark, Marina never regains her lost nanites or her Fade ability, Tobin received the nanites, which was his greatest fear, but we never see the fallout and by the time we see him with them, he is well adjusted to them, the Arclight has supposedly already started changing, but the kids are still locked in the hospital ward in the end... It was just unsatisfying. It was disappointing.

The book was unsatisfying. It wasn’t worth the money I paid for it. I just can’t decide whether to keep it or donate it. Probably donate, right? 2/5.

My bookmark for this book was the slipcover flaps.

#may 2023

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sakura-83 · 3 years ago

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Things from Anne with an e that I feel like writing down

Season 2 Episode 4: The Painful Eagerness of Unfed Hope

1. The girls laughing and playing in the gloomy winter

2. Playing Camelot death scenes of all things

3. Eliza Barry freaking out again

4. Making Diana play the handsome young man again huh Anne

5. “She does really look dead. My mother says that all play acting is abominably wicked.” “Ruby you shouldn’t mention your mother. It spoils the effect, because this was hundreds of years before your mother was born.”

6. Diana kissing Anne’s forehead

7. “I will be heard.” Direct that at your husband plEASE

8. Banishing Anne from the premises once again

9. “So much for romance.”

10. Anne waiting for the mail every day and then pretending she hates Gilbert

11. Poor Jeanie’s letters getting ignored because Matthew can’t bring himself to open them

12. “Romance is not appreciated anymore.” That still holds up and it’s miserable

13. Marilla becoming more of a helicopter parent after the grifter situation

14. “Don’t give up all your romance Anne, a little of it’s a good thing.”

15. “Oh for heavens sake!” Is basically Eliza’s catchphrase at this point

16. Eliza will say things so… they’re always worded pleasantly enough but she says them so pointedly

17. Eliza wants to see England again, her home, and the prospect of being stuck on Prince Edward Island until she dies is frightening

18. She’s also worried for the future of their children

19. Anne please refrain those aren’t your letters Anne please

20. The waltz music playing when she looks at them fading in and out while she does chores kills me

21. “You are a special man.”

22. Anne describing Matthew as the kindest most wonderful man

23. “It would be awful to live a life without true love.”

24. “Did you ever go courting Matthew?” Look at him Anne

25. Matthew thinking Anne is asking because she has a crush

26. Jerry saves the day yet again

27. Bash giving Gilbert alcohol

28. Poor little white boy

29. “I wouldn’t say that girl’s the most.. reliable narrator.”

30. Gilbert can hardly take normal rum, much less babash

31. “Seeing the world, trying new things. What could be better?”

32. “Only a boy can’t admit when he’s gone over a lady.”

33. “Would a boy stare danger right in the eye? And swallow it-“ followed by him immediately puking his guts out in the street

34. Bash laughing at him

35. “And Matthew. He went into that barn, and never came out.”

36. “Love thwarted by tragedy!”

37. Anne don’t write his letters without him knowing please please please

38. Social etiquette book

39. “Childhood is over.” Minnie May is only 5 or so? Maybe 6.

40. Marilla feeling guilt for housing the grifters

41. Despite their fights, Rachel and Marilla truly are good friends

42. Anne, growing up without a family to influence her, is endlessly accepting because prejudice was never taught to her

43. The Jewish traveling merchant selling his own worldly possessions to bring his family over from Germany. Another side character who’s barely significant and yet his story is made completely clear with a few lines

44. “I think broken things have such a sad beauty. After years of stories and triumph, and tragedy infused into them, they can be much more romantical than things new things that haven’t lived at all.

45. Him giving her the locket for free, getting nothing in return but a little hope for the future

46. Gilbert writing her a letter in what looks and sounds like charcoal pencil

47. Anne comparing Jeanie to a Calla Lily

48. “How can you be done having a childhood when I’ve only just begun?”

49. “Is there a ridiculous, hateful book that teaches boys to be men?” “If there was, it wouldn’t help me.” Subtle, Cole

50. “Social ruin!”

51. Diana snorting when she laughs

52. Jeannie sending her letters in pink envelopes

53. Anne gets busted. Again except more painful this time

54. Matthew has a sort of limp when he walks/runs. It’s not debilitating but he definitely leads with one leg rather than equal steps

55. Matthew doesn’t even yell at Anne. Simple saying “it’s not right.” Is enough to convey just how he feels, to make her see what she’s done is wrong, not just to him but to Jeannie as well

56. Man this episode really gets to my RSD.

57. Poor Eliza Barry crumbling under the weight of her husbands mistakes and absences

58. Jerry immediately noticing something I’d wrong with Matthew, and when Anne freaks out he panicked and things something bad has happened to him

59. The fox!!

60. “Have you ever hurt someone so badly that they couldn’t love you anymore?”

61. Diana starting to yell at Minnie May the same way their mother does, making Eliza see how she’s tearing her own family apart when they need each other most

62. “How come no one loves each other anymore?”

63. “And then we could’ve been fools together.”

64. “I just wanted to do something that mattered for once, in my sorry, irrelevant life.”

65. “I don’t want us to not make mistakes. I just want to be included, I want to be partners.”

66. Anne giving a pre-written explanation

67. Matthew understands her actions, they just hurt a lot of people

68. “I’m serious, it’s not a love letter.”

69. If Gilbert hadn’t insisted on helping Ruth, her and her baby both would’ve died as it wasn’t in a deliverable position

70. Gilbert has only helped on a farm, he knows he has no experience with human birth but he’s dead set on helping others, leading to his desire to become a doctor

71. Gilbert asking for permission before delivering her baby

72. Having to adjust the breech baby, telling her he survived the same thing but leaving out the part where it killed his mother

73. Gilbert wants to be a doctor, not because it’s a lucrative business but because he wants to save people, and when he realizes just how little doctors are capable of, he decides he’ll go into medicine instead so that he really can bring change

74. Matthew can’t even write back to Jeannie but he goes to explain and apologize in person

75. Bash wants a son

76. “I don’t wanna be a farmer.”

77. Jeannie isn’t particularly angry about the letters either, a bit hurt but still somewhat amused by Anne’s antics

78. Matthew and Jeannie love each other. They do. But Matthew is old and wants to spend the rest of his time with Anne while he still can

79. The Barry’s playing in the fallen leaves as a family

80. “I don’t know you could think that I don’t have love. I have you.” SOBBING AND WAILING AND COLLAPSING DRAMATICALLY ON MY BED

81. Diana being able to be a child again

82. The girls each taking a half of the broken locket

83. “It will only be whole when we’re together.”

84. The Princess Cordelia and Prince Wysteria sword fight

#anne with an e #awae #renew awae #anne shirley cuthbert #marilla cuthbert #mathew cuthbert #jerry baynard #gilbert blythe #sebastian lacroix #bash lacroix #diana barry #cole mackenzie

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abbatoirablaze · 2 years ago

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Just Like You, Chapter 6

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: mentions of abduction/kidnapping, mentions of a medical situation/birth of a child.

“She doesn’t have any contacts in her phone that say she’ll be missed.”

I looked at Brendan, my eyes skittering between him and the dark road, “you sure about that?”

He nodded, “texted the people in her phone to let her know that she was ‘going camping’ and no one responded…doesn’t seem like anyone cares about the girl.”

I frowned, part of me feeling bad about it. My eyes traveled down to my stomach, and absentmindedly my hand went over it, rubbing the bump.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded, not feeling like answering him. But he saw right through it. His hand reached across the center console, and he gripped the hand that had remained on my belly, “our child will be loved…just like how Brayden is, Faith.”

“Brayden barely gets to see you, Brendan,” I pointed out, anger edging my voice, “What if this girl’s family just ignores her…or they weren’t around? What if she broke in because she’s got nowhere to go?”

“You’ve gotten a lot softer towards my type of victims now that you’re a mother…you know that?”

I frowned again, my brows furrowing, “what? No I haven’t!”

“Yes you have,” he urged, pushing the conversation forward, “you don’t go up to the cabin anymore...ever since Brayden turned three…even when that girl broke her NDA and you went after her…there was a part of you that seemed like you didn’t want to do it.”

“She broke the agreement, Brendan. She knew I was coming…”

“Yeah,” he growled, “how could I remember the bullet wound to your thigh…”

“Hey…I still got her in the end. Didn’t I?”

“But you didn’t want to,” he reminded me softly, “I know that you didn’t.”

“Brendan…I don’t want to talk about this,” I sighed as I pulled into the cabin’s driveway. My boyfriend gave me a sad look as I put the truck into park and unbuckled myself, then a sleeping Brayden from his booster seat, “let’s just get inside and then-“

“Let me take Bray,” he offered slowly, “I don’t want you lifting any-“

“Brendan…I can carry our son in and put him to bed…”

He sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to win the battle. I jumped out of the truck and carried Brayden into the house. He gave me a sleepy yawn as he wiped at his eyes, “mommy…are we here?”

“We’re at the cabin for tonight,” I reminded him, “remember…we’re staying with daddy tonight.”

“Okay,” he yawned sleepily. Brendan was beside me in a flash, opening the door to Bray’s bedroom so that I could tuck him into bed. And when I tucked him in, Brendan was beside him, already stroking the hair from his face, “I love you mommy. I love you daddy.”

“Love you too buddy.”

“I love you Brayden,” Brendan replied sweetly, “Sleep well, little prince.”

He followed me out of the room, being sure to close the door softly, before we went to the end of the hall, and he unlocked our bedroom. It looked slept-in, and I raised my brow.

“I sleep in here when I’m up here,” he said softly, “the bed still smells like your perfume from the last time you were here.”

I felt a blush creeping onto my cheeks, and then I frowned, my attention turning to the other room that he used as a master, the door still partially open.

“I went in there to drop off Ann’s phone this afternoon…and the ring,” he reminded me. He showed me his bare hand and I couldn’t help but fight the soft smile that reached my face at how he separated our lives from his other one, “I told you…when I come up here, I leave behind every part of me that’s a facade. My marriage…even the boys…they’re not real…not in the sense that you are, Faith. Not in the sense that Brayden is…you guys…and the baby…you’re what’s real to me…you’re what matters.”

“See when you go and say stuff like that it makes me glad that I didn’t eat you!”

“Either way, you’re stuck with me forever, Faith…whether you eat me or love me…I still get to be with you.”

“Ever the romantic…”

“Only with you.”

“Alright, cannibal killer, let’s go get the next piece of meat,” I said quickly, ruining the moment between us. Brendan chuckled and took a step back. He gave me a look and I raised a brow, “what?”

“You always do that.”

“Do what?”

“Ruin the moment,” he laughed, “right when I’m about to-“

“When I don’t, I end up like this,” I pointed out, pointing at my very pregnant belly, “I’ve let you score twice now…and your pull-out game is weak, Mr. ‘I don’t like condoms.’ So thanks…”

“You know…I know you love it…you don’t have to pretend that you don’t,” he purred softly from behind me, his erection poking my backside, “I know how you love to be filled up by me every chance you can get…”

“Brendan….

“What, princess?” he purred, his arms wrapping around my waist. I groaned and he lightly nipped at my neck, “were you getting turned on by that thought? Getting wet for daddy?”

“Brendan, I-“

“You feel so wet,” he growled playfully, his hand trailing down to my jeans where he felt the wetness between my thighs, “you’re soaked for me aren’t y-“

“Brendan…I think my water just broke.”

“She’s so beautiful.”

I looked over to Brendan. He had the dreamiest expression on his face as he looked at her. I could see all the emotions he normally held at bay.

“She’s perfect,” I sighed softly, brushing the dark tufts of her hair around my fingers, watching as her curls held on. My heart lurched and I looked back to Brendan, “Brendan…we had a baby girl.”

“Yeah,” he replied softly. His hand reached out to her, and her soft, steely eyes watched him intensely. Her little mouth opened just enough for her to grab onto his hand and lead it towards her mouth. She began slobbering all over his fingers, but he just cooed at her, “Faith…I-I want you to stay with you for a few days…before I go back to the city.”

My brow raised, “What about Ann? What about work?”

“I don’t care…I’ll tell work that there was a family emergency…I’ll tell Ann that I need to stay up here and break a new girl in,” he sighed, biting his lip. He looked at me, and his spare hand brushed against my cheek, “I-I can’t leave you three, Faith…I can’t let you do this alone.”

“Brendan-“

“We need to run away from it all,” he said quickly. I saw the worry behind his eyes as he looked between myself and our daughter, “we-we could run away…just the four of us. We can hid-“

“Brendan…we can’t run away from the man that’s got you by the throat…he’d find us…he’d find Brayden and Lily,” I answered, “I-I love you…just like I love our babies…but the second you break your illusion…the second he realizes I’m still out here…y-you can’t stay with us.”

“But, Faith…I-“

“After you drop us off tomorrow…you have to pick up your phone and go back to the city,” I said simply, my attention turning back to my daughter who looked dreamily at Brendan, “your phone has been here the whole time, so they’ll think you have a new girl…the fact that you have that girl now…they won’t question it. Bring her into the surgical room and remove her tongue…the last thing you need is for him to come by, and she talks.”

“Faith-“

“Brendan…you’re not just doing this for me and Bray…you’re doing it for our little girl too…” I reminded him, “Now I need to hear you say that you’re going to do it.”

He looked between myself and Lily once more before sighing, “I-I’ll do it, Faith…but I need to spend more time up here…I-I need to be closer to you.”

“You can’t tell Ann about Lily…”

“Never…”

“And you can’t tell her that we’re close by.”

“I-I won’t.”

“Brendan…I’m serious…”

“I know, Faith.”

I nodded, knowing that I’d probably pushed it into his head more than I needed to. Biting my lip I looked back to Lily, but I spoke softly to him, “do you want to hold her?”

“God, more than anything.”

“Meet your little girl, daddy bear,” I teased, handing her off to him. He cozied up even closer to me, one arm wrapping around my waist while the other held firmly cradling our daughter, “Lily Marie Kemp…welcome to the world, baby girl.”

“Nothing is ever going to hurt you, my little angel,” he promised, “daddy is always going to protect you and your big brother Brayden, and mommy. I love you all very much.”

Chapter 7

Tag list @manyoulookingood, @lohnes16, @blueeberryyy, @elbell20-blog

#fresh the movie #fresh #just like you #brendan kemp #brendan steven kemp #steve kemp #cannibalism #sebastian stan characters

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pandawriterstuff · 3 years ago

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Pinehallow Summary & Character List

This is my main WIP, if I'm complaining about characters doing whatever they want, this is them.

Pinehallow Summary-Monty, an eleven year old boy who has spent most of his life traveling from place to place with his in-demand lawyer mother, Irene, is sent to live at his uncle's horse ranch because she thinks he needs roots. Used to nearly everyone but his mother not being around long enough to get to know, Monty is more than a bit uncertain about this. But in scrambling to find his place in a town different to anything he's ever known, he finds friends, both human and animal, makes discoveries, and even manages to foil a plot against Pinehallow Ranch itself.

Character List

Monty (Montgomery) Cade Waller- Main character, 11, white. Monty is curious, bright, and more than a little awkward. He has a tendency to state the obvious, which can be endearing or annoying depending on your perspective. Big vocabulary and grown-up way of speaking because he’s spent more time around grown-ups than other kids. He’s quietly stubborn, particularly when it comes to being told he’s wrong when he knows he’s right. Insecure about socializing and friendships because of constant moving and traveling. Can’t hold a grudge for the life of him, even when he likely should. He likes bugs, birds and turtles, would rather read nonfiction than a story. Fills lonely afternoons with sketching, nature sketching on the ranch.

Irene Waller- Monty’s mother, 36, white. Irene is a powerful corporate lawyer, either full of energy or exhausted, never in between. She loves using words to sway minds and deciphering documents to find exactly what the opposition doesn’t want her to find. Sometimes Irene wishes she was using her skills in more meaningful ways, but also really likes the money, the traveling, and the competition. Has an almost encyclopedic knowledge of show tunes from musicals. She has a hard time letting people get close. Would stab someone for her baby, but knows it’s better to teach him to stab for himself. Only partially joking. Dolly Parton is her hero, and as much as she loves her music, it’s Dolly the business woman and Dolly the philanthropist that she strives to emulate.

Keith Waller- Monty’s uncle, 34, white. Horse Rancher. Keith loves working hard and getting dirty, and if he’s not exhausted at the end of the day he’ll be looking for something else to push him there. Otherwise he gets antsy. Loves animals and absolutely will not tolerate anyone mistreating any of the animals on his ranch-ordinarily he’s very careful of his size and strength, in that situation, all bets are off. Times that by about ten for any of the ‘barn rats’ that help around the ranch for riding lessons/time. Loves romantic comedies and telanovas and doesn’t care who knows it. Keith doesn’t read a lot, it never came easy to him, but if he’s taking a long trip he’ll always check an audio book or two out of the library instead of just relying on the radio.

Juniper - Keith’s goddaughter, 15, white. She has a calm, confident personality with a smile for most everyone she meets. If she doesn’t have a smile for you and it isn’t because her head is in the clouds over a girl, you’ve probably earned her scorn and will be ignored as much as possible. Juniper raises rabbits and it’s taught her patience, and a lot about unfairness when a kit doesn’t make it. She helps out with riding lessons at the ranch in exchange for riding time of her own, and has become a fixture, spending more time there than she does at home, and when she can get away with it, school. Loves sunflowers and her sunflower comforter is probably her most prized possession.

Nell - Caretaker/cook for the ranch house(would cooking lunch for the workers still be a thing on a modern ranch?). 38, white(?). Not about to put up with nonsense. Will make you cookies if she doesn’t have to put up with nonsense. Please. At one point she wanted to be a chef and has a year of culinary school under her belt, but quickly decided the super fast paced and competitive environment wasn’t for her. Anything that was making her hate one of her favorite things that fast could not be good for a person. She intends to live a long, long life and that kind of stress can just walk right out of the door. Loves to go on long walks, often into the hills (BLM land) behind the ranch. (maybe she was taught/took a class on foraging, and teaches Monty to find wild onions and stuff? But this would mean *I* have to learn about foraging in Idaho.) This leads to a contented, if often silent, companionship between her and Monty, who desperately wants to explore/record/sketch everything about the natural world of his new home, particularly the parts that are off limits to him without an adult along.

Ray- Family Friend/Co-Owner of R & M General (designed to feel vintage, but shiny. Bit of a tourist stop now, they decided to lean into it.), 50, Black. He uses his background in chemistry to make amazing looking candies and chocolates, using that to deal with a time he used it in less pleasant ways when he was in the military. He never expected anybody outside of his small town, or maybe the folks at the county fair to make so much fuss over them. This might embarrass him, if he weren’t so delighted. A cheerful man with a dreamer’s heart, a magazine once referred to him as a small town Willy Wonka. He dotes on his wife, often making and gifting her small surprises. An amputee in honor of my Grandpa (missing left leg at the knee, possibly missing one arm as well, but I’m not sure how that would affect candy making.). Has certain parts of his past he just doesn’t talk about.

Mavis- Co-Owner of ____ with Ray, 48, Black. Fierce and kind in equal measures, Mavis believes in protecting what’s hers, and as far as she’s concerned the entire town of (oh my god, it needs a name) is included in that. Mavis is very selective about the battles she fights, but when she chooses one she throws herself in whole-heartedly. On several committees around town, she’d be on more, but then she wouldn’t have enough time to really get into the work of the ones she loves. She knits in her limited free time, often while listening to the news, but sometimes opera. Has started knitting stuffies in the shapes of the more unusual candies Ray makes, it’s silly, but fun, and tourists and the local kids love it. Still head over heels for Ray, even though his often dreaming about things for ages instead of just doing them is also still baffling to her.

Leanna - Juniper’s sort-of girlfriend, 15, Vietnamese. Quiet, a little cynical, but very empathetic. She avoids the news because it’s that or be mad and want to cry all the time-until she hears about something she can’t not research, and goes on a 24 hour google search and learns far more than is probably good for her about a species going extinct due to logging in prohibited areas, or genocide being covered up by claims of violent uprisings. She loves manga and comics. Leanna sometimes tries for a cottagecore* type aesthetic, but mostly thinks it's too much work. She’s starting to worry about what she’s going to do with her future, and people telling her that she’s only 15 and doesn’t have to worry about it yet is NOT HELPING.

*even though cottagecore isn’t a thing in the early-mid 2000s this is maybe/vaguely set in. Shh, let me have this. Anne of Green Gablesesque maybe?

Winnie - Leanna’s mom, 45, Vietnamese. Widow? A little ditzy, but a lot loving. Everyone in town is convinced she’s the stoner type of hippy, but no one minds as she’s someone who truly wants to know how you’re doing when she asks and strangely almost always has very spot on advice. She’s rarely on time anywhere, but that’s because she’ll have stopped to talk, and often to help, whoever she’s run into. Leanna and her bicker over this when she’s late picking her up. Always wears bright colors. Loves Agatha Christie books. Calls everyone, even people 50 years older than her, hon.

Logan - Juniper’s stepdad, 40, white. Kind of a jerk, but most of the jerky things he says are actually jokes that fall flat or have simply gotten old. Tries really hard, like *really* hard, but has a tendency to get annoyed if people don’t appreciate his efforts right away-more in his personal life than professional, possibly because of his profession. A contractor, hard worker, loyal, has worked for the same company since he was twenty even though they don’t often treat him right. Sometimes tries to buy people’s affections. Wants to have better communication with Juniper, but it’s gotten really hard the last few years and he’s never quite sure why.

Candice - Juniper’s Mom, 39, white, works at a nursery that sells seedlings and baby fruit trees, has a cheerful, calm personality, but a lot softer and more lowkey than Juniper’s version. Very house proud, but has a ‘maximalist’ approach to decorating-everything is in its place, but there are places for lots of things. Loves spending time outdoors, but would rather spend it tending her garden than hiking or riding, preferably with a cup of tea by her side. On the weekends, a fruity beer or wine instead. Wants to go on one of those train rides where you get to drink wine, eat canapes and try to solve a mystery, thinks Winnie might be a good candidate for someone to go with her.

Ura - a ‘barn rat’, 12 and a half, white(maybe a Czech immigrant? 2nd generation?) . A cheerful, rough and tumble boy who is always climbing things, and often being told to stop when he gets too high for other people's comfort. Ura is fearless when it comes to physical feats, but has a fear of ‘slimy’ things like worms and frogs. He has a thick layer of pudge and a big appetite, but is athletic and strong enough that anyone bullying him over it would be doing it at their own peril. Not that he’s the type to start fights, or even finish them most of the time. Doesn’t feel he quite fits in with his family, who are all more serious, reserved people. Redwood is his favorite of the horses, and Keith has all but given up on telling him that sitting on the floor of Red’s stall to talk to the horse isn’t exactly safe.

Elliot - Ray and Mavis’s son, Black, 19 and a college student-maybe/probably at U of I. Lives on campus, but comes home at least a couple weekends a month. Has an older car that he and Ray fixed up together, that is his pride and joy. Quiet, with an irreverent sense of humor that he unleashes somewhat at random. Interested in robotics, engines and mechanics and generally has some project he’s working on, a piece of which may or may not be in his pocket. Often has oil, grease, or ink on his hands, either from working on or designing a new project. A bit of an overachiever, he can spread himself thin trying to live up to all his responsibilities at once. He’s best friends with Randy, a friendship his parents want to disapprove of, because the few times Elliot’s gotten into trouble not only was Randy there, but 99% of the time whatever it was is Randy’s idea, but never quite manage too.

Randy - Handyman at the ranch, mixed race Hispanic and white, 21. Technically head handyman, because the old head retired six months ago, and is a little young/inexperienced for the job, but he’s not the type to back away from a challenge and has risen to the occasion beautifully. Loves rock and metal music, and spends a lot of his free weekends at concerts, the ones crammed into little venues and bars where people are practically on top of each other and the beat is so loud and solid it throbs through you, connecting you to everyone even before you hit the mosh pit, are his preference. He’s been working at the ranch since he was 16, and feels like he has a claim on it, not afraid to speak up if he thinks a decision Keith is making isn’t right or that he isn’t taking something important into consideration. Can be a bit wild when he’s not being the responsible one, definitely doesn’t always think before he acts.

Alma - Local artist/worker at R & M’s, Hispanic, 25. Alma is a painter and poet, a confident young woman who’s figured out that half of surviving as an artist is being your own agent/a salesperson as well, and in addition to several shelves at the R & M that hold postcard prints of many of her pieces, both the coffee shop and cafe have some of her larger paintings displayed, and she always has a booth at the Saturday market, though the majority of her sales come from her website. Alma is cheerful, and likes to tease, and growing up the middle child of four brothers, is very able to hold her own in verbal sparring. She’s close with her family, still living with her parents, and while at first her father was dismayed at her choice of career, he now hands out her business card to basically everyone he talks to.

Miriam - Nell’s Mom, white, 71, a little deaf, speaks loudly, partially because of the deafness, partially because she spent too long letting other people push her around and when she hit about 50 decided she was going to be the one talking over people now. She’s earned it. Age has made her more delicate than she likes, bruising and scraping easily, but she’s determined to do most things for herself. Those that are beyond her she has no problem loudly ordering someone else to take care of. Volunteers a lot, often fosters kittens for the local animal shelter. Used to chain smoke, quit when Nell was a teenager because she kept leaving pictures of diseased lungs everywhere. Still uses the candy ones as a substitute.

Places

Unnamed Town- Somewhere in Latah County, Idaho, where there is not already a town in the way. Around 200 years old and has grown and shrunk and grown again, and currently has a population of about 12,000. Having grown out from a traditional mainstreet, _______ no longer has the western style boardwalk seen in old pictures, but it does have a large cluster of local businesses and ‘hot spots’ still along that old main street, a coffee shop, a diner, a combination bookshop and independent library, a hardware store, a bar, a few places I haven’t thought of yet, and of course R & M General. There is a historical barn half a mile or so away from mainstreet that has been converted into a theater/meeting hall/dance hall, and a community center was added onto it in the early 90’s. During the summer there is a farmer’s market on the property every Saturday. The elementary school and junior high are all on one property, several miles out of town, because the majority of families live on farms, ranches or small rural properties rather than in one of the neighborhood clusters in the town itself. The junior high is 7th, 8th and 9th graders, in a newer two story building, and the elementary school is divided into lower and upper elementary with the bracket shaped building basically being cut in half, K-3 on one side and 4-6 on the other. The high school is outside of town on the other side by several miles, and actually serves kids from another town(s) as well. There is also a trailer park with about forty units, not exactly sure where it is yet, but Miriam(Nell’s Mom) lives there. There is also an animal shelter, a vet’s office, a cemetery, and a couple churches, and I’m sure more things to come.

R & M General (working title?)- Ray and Mavis’s store, a general store with a candy focused twist. A vintage Pepsi sign, neon still bright, and a charming green glass juke-box filled with hits from the 1940’s onward grace the front porch of the R & M, along with a long bench that locals are encouraged to use for a spell or to listen to a couple songs, provided they can behave themselves (teenagers arguing over who their favorite member of the rat pack is might be amusing, considering they were already ‘mom and dad’, or at least older brother and sister, music by the time Mavis and Ray were teenagers, but when they get loud it also gets annoying.). The store itself still has the original wooden counter up front and built-in shelves along the walls, but all refinished and polished to a high shine. A mixture of display types going down the middle of the store, barrels and baskets filled with skeins of colorful yarn and cloth or Mavis’s knitted stuffies(and during winter sometimes socks and mittens), other sewing and craft supplies, display racks with local arts, postcards and carvings, sometimes wind up toys made by Elliot, and of course many, many displays of candies and chocolates. They also have a lot of dry goods, and some of the simpler candy types have little instruction booklets and the ingredients it takes to try out making them yourself stocked in the same display, drink coolers, and sometimes have local produce available. Basically, they have a bit of everything, except for building equipment/home repair supplies, and that’s because of the hardware store across the street.

Pinehallow Ranch-A sprawling 100 acre ranch in Latah County, Idaho where the Waller family has been doing something or other with horses for four generations now. Originally it was a horse breeding ranch, but Keith and Irene’s grandfather felt the money was in training horses, and offered boarding as well, and Keith has continued to build that up, offering lessons for a variety of styles, ages, and skill levels. Butting up against BLM land that allows additional grazing and trail riding, the ranch has four pastures, a large corral, a medium sized indoor arena and two horse barns, one for boarded horses and one for the ranch's own stock, and an equipment barn, an old bunkhouse that is mostly used to store feed-though Randy has slept there when in between places, mostly unbeknownst to Keith-and some smaller equipment sheds, placed where they’re needed. The main house is an L-shaped ranch house with a porch that goes around the entire long front of the house with a large herb/kitchen and rock garden arranged around that. There are treed pockets scattered here and there, left alone as the rest of the ranch was developed, but the creek Monty and Juniper sometimes hang out at is on BLM land, as is most of the forested area around the ranch.

Pinehallow Taglist @sleepysera @enchanted-lightning-aes @odysseywritings @thegreatobsesso @writing-is-a-martial-art and @hiitsolivia If anyone else wants to be added just interact with the post :) (My more advanced tumblr knowledge has led me to believe this is better than asking people to reblog/comment to be added, but if I'm wrong just let me know.)

#character list #oc list #someday I'll do a proper series introduction #and an introduction for me #but today is not that day #pinehallow ranch #original writing #I tend to build my world around the characters #backwards I know

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shirbertshitposts · 4 years ago

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I haven’t watched the Sullivan films in a while, well I did watch the first half of the first one a few months ago, but I’ve forgotten some of the scenes and like *deep sigh* choices were made that I Do. Not. Get.

Specifically I was just reminded of Sullivans adaptation of how Anne and Gilbert finally become friends and it involves Gilbert caressing Anne’s cheek and calling her carrots.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh3eb4DZTLw

Let’s break that down.

Anne has been holding a grudge against Gilbert for FIVE YEARS because he called her carrots and the moment she finally accepts his friendship Sullivan thought oh Gilbert should call her carrots but affectionately and she won’t get mad this time...like bitch what? Anne was deeply upset not only when Gilbert called her carrots but also when Rachel Lynde called her carrots. Clearly she takes deep offense to this seemingly innocent characterization of the color of her hair. Why would anyone ever want to bring that up again knowing that? In the books Anne is still sensitive about the color of her hair well into adulthood, so much so that here is a quote from 15 YEARS into Anne and Gilbert’s marriage, in Anne of Ingleside

"Oh, it is too bad my hair is red," said Anne icily.

Gilbert thought he was wise in dropping a dangerous subject. Anne, he reflected, had always been a bit sensitive about her hair.

Also have you ever had someone you JUST became friends with lovingly caress your cheek? That’s weird as hell. You’d probably slap their hand away. There is literally a scene in Anne of the Island, at which point in the story Anne and Gilbert have been best friends for two years already, where Gilbert touches Anne’s hand and she immediately rejects his touch.

Gilbert suddenly laid his hand over the slender white one lying on the rail of the bridge. His hazel eyes deepened into darkness, his still boyish lips opened to say something of the dream and hope that thrilled his soul. But Anne snatched her hand away and turned quickly. The spell of the dusk was broken for her.

In the Anne of Green Gables scene of them becoming friends they say non-offensive things to each other and shake hands. You know like friends would, because they’re friends now. There’s not supposed to be romantic tension between them yet.

Here is the Anne of Green Gables scene this is supposed to be based off of:

Halfway down the hill a tall lad came whistling out of a gate before the Blythe homestead. It was Gilbert, and the whistle died on his lips as he recognized Anne. He lifted his cap courteously, but he would have passed on in silence, if Anne had not stopped and held out her hand.

“Gilbert,” she said, with scarlet cheeks, “I want to thank you for giving up the school for me. It was very good of you—and I want you to know that I appreciate it.”

Gilbert took the offered hand eagerly.

“It wasn’t particularly good of me at all, Anne. I was pleased to be able to do you some small service. Are we going to be friends after this? Have you really forgiven me my old fault?”

Anne laughed and tried unsuccessfully to withdraw her hand.

“I forgave you that day by the pond landing, although I didn’t know it. What a stubborn little goose I was. I’ve been—I may as well make a complete confession—I’ve been sorry ever since.”

“We are going to be the best of friends,” said Gilbert, jubilantly. “We were born to be good friends, Anne. You’ve thwarted destiny enough. I know we can help each other in many ways. You are going to keep up your studies, aren’t you? So am I. Come, I’m going to walk home with you.”

Marilla looked curiously at Anne when the latter entered the kitchen.“Who was that came up the lane with you, Anne?”

“Gilbert Blythe,” answered Anne, vexed to find herself blushing. “I met him on Barry’s hill.”

“I didn’t think you and Gilbert Blythe were such good friends that you’d stand for half an hour at the gate talking to him,” said Marilla with a dry smile.

“We haven’t been—we’ve been good enemies. But we have decided that it will be much more sensible to be good friends in the future. Were we really there half an hour? It seemed just a few minutes. But, you see, we have five years’ lost conversations to catch up with, Marilla.”

Yes, Anne blushes in the scene but I think it’s more out of embarrassment that she’s been so mean to someone who is willing to do something so nice for her. She is embarrassed that she held onto her grudge for so long. And look at the way Gilbert speaks to her. It’s just friendly. Gilbert literally uses the word friends three times. I mean it’s a little bit funny that he doesn’t let go of her hand after shaking it, but he’s not flirting with her here. Even though he is in love with her, he is not actively flirting with her in this scene because he knows she wouldn’t be receptive to it. She has just accepted his friendship. It took them five years to get to this point. He wouldn’t want to jeopardize that in any way after it took them so long to get there. Gilbert is receptive to Anne’s response to him and he knows the boundaries he can’t push with her. In the later parts of Anne of Avonlea and the beginning of Anne of the Island we him struggle with trying to push their relationship towards romance but Anne responds negatively each time so he keeps toning it back until the fateful first proposal where he can’t take it anymore and ignores all Anne’s signals telling him to stop and just steam rolls ahead declaring his love. And that ends badly for both of them.

Also let’s talk about how in the Sullivan scene Gilbert rode up on a fucking horse literally like a hero out of a romantic story. The WHOLE CRUX OF ANNE BEGINNING TO REALIZE SHE LOVES GILBERT IS HER SAYING THAT ROMANCE ISNT LIKE A GAY KNIGHT RIDING DOWN

Here is that quote from Anne of Avonlea

For a moment Anne’s heart fluttered queerly and for the first time her eyes faltered under Gilbert’s gaze and a rosy flush stained the paleness of her face. It was as if a veil that had hung before her inner consciousness had been lifted, giving to her view a revelation of unsuspected feelings and realities. Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music, perhaps . . . perhaps . . . love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.

Ahhhhh what the fuck

WHAT THE FUCK

I would say why would Sullivan do this when there is so much textual support against it in the later books but I bet that motherfucker hasn’t even read most of the later books because they butchered Anne of Avonlea and Anne of Windy Poplars and the Continuing Story is not based on any of the books at all so clearly they give no fucks i guess???

Why do the adaptations insist on making Gilbert into a romantic hero when the whole conflict of Anne and Gilbert’s relationship is that he isn’t one. He’s just a regular boy who becomes Anne’s best friend, so she doesn’t realize how much he loves her and that the way she loves him isn’t purely friendly.

#listen people can bitch and moan about awae all they want about not following canon #but the sullivan films make way more egregious divergences in my opinion #because he writes the characters out of character to try and make it more romantic #but original romance stuff or whatever you want to call it that he writes is sometimes weird #like caressing someone you just became friends with cheek #or watching Anne from behind a tree #or hitting Anne on the butt with a riding stick thing while they are walking #also Anne having a love interest that is like twenty years older than her #that stuff comes across as creepy #and its all coming from Sullivan #LMM would not write that

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straightlikewetspaghetti · 3 years ago

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@samanthadalton here it is, I hope you like it ✨

Five More Minutes

f!Sam x MC (Anna Schuyler)

Warnings: none

The clock struck twelve at night as Anna and Jenny opened a bottle of expensive wine, relishing the blissful silence after putting the two beasts to sleep. The boys had been so riled up that it was a miracle the apartment was still standing in one piece. Fortunately Anna's cavalry arrived and the two of them put the boys to sleep.

"So are you going to tell me yourself what it's like to have a rich, hot lady for a boss, or should I wait until we finish this bottle?" Jenny's voice brimmed with excitement, which was perfectly normal with her when it came to her best friend's romantic life.

Anna just waved her head in disbelief and took a sip of wine, reflexively swirling the liquor in her glass. It wasn't her favorite topic. "There's nothing to say here, she's the boss and I'm the nanny."

"She's the boss and I'm the nanny." repeated Jenny sarcastically, earning a murderous look from Anna. "Girl, If I lived with a hottie like that, I would have gone to her office a long time ago and..."

"Jenny!" Anna tried not to raise her voice, but the vision that was creating itself before her eyes was worse than the sight of Sam kissing Sofia. She shuddered again as she saw Jenny kissing the air in a comical way.

She was about ready to talk some sense into her friend when she heard a rustle in the hallway and the sound of small footsteps. She put her glass down on the table being at once in full alert mode.

After a short while, the twins entered the room and without asking, sat down next to Anna, each on one side. The woman smiled softly and embraced the sleepy boys pressing them tightly together and ruffling their hair.

"When's Mommy coming back?" Mason's voice was sleepy, making it sound soft and vulnerable. Anna's heart always cut when the boys asked about their mom, and she had no answers to offer that would satisfy them.

Unable to answer she just started gently stroking their heads, hoping that the boys would go back to sleep and when they woke up, Sam would be waiting for them ready to give them the hugs and love they deserved.

The sound of the key turning in the lock woke the sleepy boys and four pairs of eyes went to the door where an equally tired Sam walked through.

Mason and Mickey experienced a miraculous reawakening and the two of them found themselves in the blink of an eye hanging onto their mother who, with reflexes worthy of a master, caught them.

Anna smiled at the sight and the earlier anger disappeared to give way to a more pleasant feeling of joy at their reunion. Through the preoccupation of this scene she didn't even notice how Jenny secretly slipped into her room with the rest of the expensive wine and a glass.

"Can we sleep with you Mommy?" asked Mickey, and moments later he was mirrored by Mason serving up the strongest weapon he had: the puppy eyes.

Sam laughed quietly and ignoring Anne sitting on the couch, collapsed next to her like a freshly cut log on the ground. With a satisfied sigh she sank into the soft upholstery of the couch.

Anne, who was watching her, giggled taking one of the boys into her lap and letting him get comfortable.

"You're amazing" Sam's voice sounded sleepy, but it was clear enough that Anna couldn't have misheard her. "I really don't know what I would do without you."

The woman looked over at the brunette, who had her eyes closed the whole time and was cuddling Mason. Her chest was rising and falling steadily, so it was possible that she was already on the verge of sleep and was only daydreaming.

What happened next, however, proved to Anna that the woman next to her was not sleeping at all. Sam reached out for her and, as carefully as she could, pulled her close while at the same time dropping the rest of her body onto the couch.

Anna's face turned red from the sudden closeness with the brunette. The now worn but still strong scent of perfume entered her nostrils, soothing her and lulling to sleep.

The woman had to admit that Sam was agile, because she didn't even notice when her arm efficiently wrapped around her waist, while at the same time resting on the already hard-sleeping Mickey.

And although it was an idyllic moment that Anna would have preferred not to be pulled out of, somewhere in the back of her mind thoughts crept in, that it was inappropriate and incorrect of her.

She was ready to get up now, but Sam's hand tightened with every movement she made, until finally something resembling a growl came out of her throat.

"No." She said shortly continuing with her eyes closed and holding Anne tightly around the waist.

"You should go to bed yourself, you'll be more comfortable there. You're after several hours of work." Anna tried to refer to the rational aspects, but the brunette seemed deaf to her argument.

"Five more minutes." muttered Sam.

Anna rolled her eyes, but a genuine smile graced her face anyway. Sam had her moments when she could be charming and this was one of them. She loved it when the brunette acted like a human and not a money making robot.

To Samantha's displeasure, Anna wasn't kidding and after the five minutes had passed, she chased the boys off to their rooms, previously assuring them that they didn't have to sleep with their mom to keep an eye on her to make sure she didn't disappear again.

When she came out of the boys' room, the brunette was waiting for her leaning against the kitchen counter and looking much more alive than before. For some reason the room they were in seemed much smaller to Anna than before.

"What I said earlier..." Sam began scratching her neck nervously. "I mean it." The woman looked at her questioningly, not really understanding which moment she was referring to. "You're amazing Anna."

There was that blush again, this time accompanied by a faster heartbeat. Sam always knew what words to use to elicit such a reaction. This was a dangerous game, and Anna was too tired to defend against it.

As Sam shortened the distance between them, Anna watched her from behind half-closed eyelids, almost as if she was deliberately tempting fate. The brunette stopped right in front of her adoringly watching her entire figure.

"You know what motivates me the most to work?" she asked mindlessly playing with a strand of her hair, Anna only raised an eyebrow in response. "Coming home." The woman's eyebrow went even higher. "But not to this apartment, just to the kind of views I found today." Sam smiled softly, as if thinking back to that moment when Anna sat huddled with the boys looking like their mom at the time. "Mason and Mickey are my home, but you've become one too, Anna."

The woman blinked several times unable to process the words Sam had spoken in her direction.

It was so bizarre that for a brief moment she felt like she was asleep.

But what she felt was real, just like what she saw. And she saw before her a woman who, despite carrying a scar on her heart, was trying to find her place again.

"Anna?" Sam's voice no longer sounded as confident as it had a moment ago. She looked tense, as if she had crossed a line without thinking.

"I... I mean... We... Oh damn it!" Unable to form a meaningful sentence she grabbed Sam by the collar and brought their lips together, pushing the brunette onto the kitchen counter.

Sam took a second to process what was happening and when she regained control of her thoughts and body, she embraced Anne around the waist and pulled her tighter as much as possible.

"Does this mean Anne is going to be our new mommy?"

"Jesus!" a distracted Samantha almost screamed hearing the voice of one of her sons, while Anne on the contrary started laughing hiding her face in the crook of the brunette's neck.

"You mean yes or no?" Mason inquired while watching the two women closely. "Because if it is, then I promise to remember to brush my teeth daily before bed!"

"I'll remind him!" echoed Mickey, standing right behind his brother with equal amounts of excitement and hope in his voice.

Sam smirked and sank her face into Anna's hair, laughing quietly. "In that case, I guess you have no other choice."

"Don't push your luck, Dalton." Anna threatened, though there was more laughter in that than actual threat.

Finally after a brief moment she freed herself from the brunette's embrace and turned towards the boys bestowing upon them the brightest and most sincere smile she could muster.

This time the boys' eyes were not glistening with tears from yawning.

#choices #playchoices #the nanny affair #f!sam #sam dalton #choices fic #f!sam x mc

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sunjaesol · 4 years ago

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JATP Fanworks Appreciation Week

TRIVIA TUESDAY Creators: give a “behind the scenes” look at your works

Below the cut are some anecdotes about the stories I’ve written for the fandom!

The Infamous Tale of Luke and Julie's Grand Trip Across America I felt bad about the way I’ll never fully be able to write perfect English and how messy my sentences looked, but then I realised that I could hone that and just write these sprawling paragraphs and see where it goes. Jack Kerouac calls it ‘spontaneous prose’ and his book “On The Road” helped me with certain parts. The roadtrip fic was something that spawned from my desire for something other than angst + a Gilbert-centric story I wrote back in 2018 for Anne With An E. In the end, it was still kind of angsty, but I’m proud of myself for inserting lots of humour and quirky moments. I have zero clue how I came up with the recurring soda gag. Oddly enough, I listened to a very emotional, slower song when Luke realises his feelings for her. “Sun” by Sleeping At Last - as opposed to the uptempo song that’s playing diegetically. The scene where they sleep in Raoul’s inventory was the first scene I wrote! Most scenes I wrote on my long commutes. Raoul’s family is based on my own! I’m not black, but we have a close connection to Congo. The dish they eat, moambe, was my comfort food (before I became vegan lol) and I wanted Luke to feel that same sense of comfort and safety. The bittersweet ending was always meant to be that way.

at long last, love has arrived I listened to this playlist ONCE and I went fully feral. I daydreamed the entire story while smiling like a fool and very much frightened my window neighbour. It was outlined in ten minutes and written in six days. I didn’t sleep and barely did any school work but it was so fucking worth it. It was supposed to be even longer, but I got agitated and just wanted to finish it. Here are the removed story beats: - A more in depth study on the fact that queen Madeleine is fit to rule, but is only temporarily doing so, until prince Nicholas his coronation. - The entire inquisition scene and consequently, the boys and Julie breaking Luke out of jail. - A glance at the future where Jules and Luke are now a travelling singing duo. - Julie asking Luke how Caleb knew who she was. He just described her that well. - She has Luke’s pen with her when they flee and mould it into rings. It’s not real gold, but that’s okay. - More Reggie!

i’ve got this crazy feeling this isn’t our first time around I was writing a high school!Juke story that was so meandering and I just got frustrated with how bad it was, that I decided to let shit hit the fan and write something absolutely insane - hence, this story. The first chapter was written in about two hours and I began outlining afterwards. Through the comments, I let the worldbuilding keep growing. A lot of people asked insightful questions that challenged me and made me want to think and write bigger. It was the first time that really happened and it was a great experience. The colour symbolism in earlier chapters were subconscious foreshadowing for MYSELF about how the story would evolve. I just fucking love colour lmao. Now people talk about purple as if it’s truly a deity. Their final moments together were revised about seven times and it’s still not perfect, but I really needed each second to count.

your heart is open (i see what’s inside) I was knees deep in theatre history and exams stress and that mixture created this short, yet somehow, well-received story. I just wanted to create a scene that could easily be seen onstage, some Samuel Beckett-type play.

such a cruel love (loving you) Once again, annoyed by my own writing and needing to revert back to my bread and butter: angst. I was rereading my first break-up fic that’s essentially the same story, but over an extended period of time. Though one of my favourites, I found there was a lack of maturity and wanted to delve deeper in what it means to love someone, if loving is enough, how much you can excuse bad behaviour, if memories hold any value, et cetera. Because of that deep dive, it became a very condensed story over a short period of time and I love that. I let them stay together in the end for the sake of catharsis, but I really struggled with that. It was three am and I was buzzing on five coffees and I was ready to just let them stay broken up. I genuinely wanted to end angst with MORE angst. (And then I remembered how certain people would be so fucking mad with me if I did lmao.) In real life, that’s likely what would’ve happened though.

you’re the calm in the storm If you follow me, you sometimes see random enraged posts with zero context. I’m angry a lot, which made me wonder what it would be like if it truly hindered someone. I got sucked into research and naturally, I decide to write a story. Aka: Julie dealing with IED and her romantic feelings towards Luke. More colour symbolism, but developed! They aren’t ‘opposites’ or entirely the same, nor did I want to romanticise ‘fixing your partner with love’, so I made them complementary. They compliment each other. I think that’s a nice way of seeing it. Carrie was supposed to have the pseudonym of ‘Candy’, to protect her famous father from being revealed as a douchebag! It was eventually inconsequential to plot and I kept her name as normal. It was supposed to be this little thing in the end where Julie and Luke spot a magazine stand and the headline is Carrie’s face saying she’s emancipated. This is the story I was most frightened to post - ever. I’m not neurodivergent and I was petrified to offend an entire community with unintended ignorance. Literally sweating, heart palpitating, the works.

If you have any more questions about these stories (or the others!), then don’t be afraid to ask!

#JatP Fanworks Appreciation Week #julie and the phantoms #jatp fanfiction

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marvelousell · 4 years ago

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The Agreement (Part 10.)

Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader

Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them.

Word count: 3.2k

A/N: This one really made me so soft even though I wasn’t feeling this part because I was loaded with work and every word didn’t seem good after I wrote it, but I’m kinda happy how it turned out in the end. Also the end is coming, just a few more parts and honestly I’m not ready🤧. Thank you for all the lovely feedbacks, reblogs and comments, I always appreciate every single one of them.❤️

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, swearing, tiny bit of angst

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8. Part 9.

Add yourself to my tag list

Masterlist

“Did you like, talk to him or saw him for the last couple of days?”

It was already a week. A prolonged week without a call, message, visit, anything. Tom made sure he wanted nothing to do with you after your short and direct words, and it broke your heart.

You were confused, a complete mess, nothing felt the same after the door was shut that night. You were waiting for Tom to finally acknowledge you after all those years, but it looks like it wasn’t the right time. He was your best friend, how could you function like you used to when he wasn’t here to listen to your stupid stories and rambling. Tom was your routine, someone who could always make your day better with the tedious stories about his so-called love life. And the fact that he didn’t want you back in his life like his best friend made you think if he ever even cared about you.

Still it was for the best.

“Tom? Yes, he was at Harry’s yesterday with us.” Anna answered.

She knew something was wrong, you were asking questions about him for the past few minutes and yesterday Tom didn’t want to answer anything that was related to you.

“Oh.” You wanted to go, but you were definitely not ready to see him, everything was still fresh for the both of you. Also the thought of him ignoring you and not wanting to talk to you would sure make you cry right there in front of everyone. You just weren’t ready.

“He was there with Gracie, who would have thought that our famous womanizer could settle down.” She laughed, trying to cheer you up, however she made the situation even worse for you.

Gracie? So the date went well after all, and now they are together. He was serious about that, but not about you.

Your throat tightened after her words, teeth deep in your lower lip, trying to stop the urge to cry that was forming in your whole body.

“Gracie? They are dating now o-or?” You stuttered, still refusing to look at Ann because she would figure everything out, she knew you like the back of her hand.

“Yeah, I think so? Did something happen?” She questioned, brows furrowed while she was waiting for your answer.

You were addled, this situation was eating you up and you just wanted to talk about it with her.

“No.” You said quietly, debating if you should tell her the truth.

“Good, now the truth please.”

Of course she didn’t buy that.

“Nothing, we just had a little fight and we’re not talking at the moment.” It was the truth, but not the entire one.

“A fight? How and why? That’s why he didn’t want to talk about you yesterday.”

He didn’t?

“I don’t know, and I don’t want to talk about it if that’s okay. I’m sorry.” Your voice thick, emotions flying everywhere.

“Don’t worry Y/N you two are like yin and yang, two opposite worlds but you complete each other perfectly. You are best friends and believe me he can’t function without you as much as you can’t without him.” Her arms wrapped around your shoulders, telling you through the hug how things were going to be alright.

“I hope so, if he doesn’t put Gracie as his first priority because she is someone that he needs now.” Anna sensed a pang of jealousy in your voice, but she didn’t want to point it out still unsure about that.

“No one can break a bond like that, just like ours. Tom and you will make things right in no time.”

“Thank you Ann, please don’t tell Harrison about this. I just told him that I wasn’t feeling well so I couldn’t come yesterday. I don’t want him to think that I don’t believe him enough to say my problems to him or something like that. I really like him.”

“Tell him what?” She smiled, acting like the conversation didn’t even happen.

“Thank you Ann.”

“Should I just leave to let you admire her? I don’t want to collect your eyes when they fall out from too much staring.” Anna joked, finally realizing that she was talking to herself for the last thirty minutes.

“I’m sorry, she is so distracting. Can’t keep my eyes off of her.” Harrison chuckled, feeling embarrassed that he got caught.

But he couldn’t help himself, you looked arresting like always. Your new hair style looked amazing, and the familiar pastel dress was making you look angelic. You were talking to Amelia, laughing your heart out and not to stare was a big difficulty for him. Your smile warmed his heart and he could sit here the whole night looking at you.

He was sure that he was in love. Absolutely in love, and everybody could see it as well.

Harrison wasn’t the guy that kept his feelings a secret, if he had the chance he would scream to every single person how much he was in love and how happy you made him feel.

“You know, I’m so elated for you two. Seeing you so content after everything, and her beaming around you is enough.” Anna began, looking at you two exchanging small grins and glances.

“And the fact that you don’t hide your love for her is something that makes you special.” She added, tapping his shoulder.

“I love her, I do truly. I wanted to tell her so many times, but I’m afraid that for her it will be too soon.” Harrison explained. He wanted to say the words multiple times when you two would snuggle in your bed, having small talks about everything, but he was scared that maybe you would think it was too soon, just like Emily did. That maybe he would make things feel awkward in your relationship.

Emily was on his mind recently a lot. Harrison reassured himself that she should not make him feel like this. You were an angel, you were nothing like her.

“Listen, I know Y/N since we were little and I know more about her then she does. Y/N is a hopeless romantic, nothing is to soon for her. Take my advice show her how much you love her. She feels the same.”

Show her how much.

“Having fun you two, did Anna finish her ramble time?” Both you and Amelia approached the small table in the kitchen where they were sitting at.

Harrison’s arms were fast, bringing you in his lap. The giggles were making his heart stutter, he held you close to his body like he was afraid that you were going to leave.

“Tonight I was my own ramble buddy, because our boy couldn’t stop staring at his stunning lady.” Anna answered, sending you a wink.

In just three weeks Harrison showed you everything, made you realize how much in love you were with him and that he was the one who was worth your time. The first week was rough without the brunette boy that always lit a spark in you. But Harrison, even if he didn’t know the truth, made sure your day with him was filled with nothing but pure happiness. He was patient with you and even when you would say that you were not in the mood because you were not feeling well, he would always held you close, cherish you like he had the magic to suck out every bad thought.

It was his kind heart and endless love that made you stop overthinking about someone who didn’t even bother to call after everything that happened. You both deserved unconditional love and you made it clear to yourself that you would give that, just like it was given to you.

Your arms were around his neck, cheek pressed against his head and you were grinning from ear to ear.

“She is my beautiful girl, of course I can’t keep my eyes off of her.” He showed his white teeth, smiling broadly at you.

Harrison’s palm was on your inner thigh, stroking your soft skin rhythmically. Your sweet scent filled his nostrils as he leaned his face near the crook of your neck to place an innocent peck there.

“You’re so sweet.” He mumbled, Anna and Amelia now long gone leaving the two of you to have some privacy.

“And you’re adorable, I want to kiss you all the time.” You brought his face close to yours, kissing him gently on the lips.

Harrison squeezed your thigh, the other hand lingering on your back. Every kiss was better than the previous one, and the feeling of your warm lips sent goosebumps down his spine.

“My girl.” He said, giving you a one last peck.

“Want to take you home now.” Harrison added, Anna’s words replaying in his head.

“No one’s stopping us.”

The smile grew wider, and the excitement was rushing through his body. No one could do this to him like you did.

“I swear evenings like this make me more exhausted than parties.” It was just a friendly invite to Harry’s house, nothing special, you all did that frequently. Tom wasn’t there, Gracie was sick and as a caring boyfriend he didn’t want to leave her side.

You didn’t want to say anything, if it was the truth good for him because he finally showed how he can keep a girl and if he was lying, well..that was his problem.

“The only good thing is when we come home after it and just enjoy the rest of our night.” You weren’t living together but your home was his and his was yours.

Harrison’s arms travelled to your sides, palms placed firmly on your belly holding you close to him. He knew how you loved hugs like this, relaxing your head on his chest while stroking his arm slowly.

Tonight he wanted to show you not just tell you how much he cared about you and most importantly how much he loved you.

You exhaled through your nose after you felt his lips press a light kiss behind your ear. He continued, peppering your neck with kisses going down to your shoulder. The time stopped, his lips were the only thing that you could think of, a hum escaping from your mouth after he slowly pushed the dress so he could kiss your shoulder.

“You’re an angel.” He whispered, smiling against your skin feeling nervous like he never did before.

“I have been distracted the whole night with your beauty, I’m so lucky.” He added, turning you around so he could see your face.

“I’m way luckier, you made everything better.” You said softly, pressing your hands on his chest feeling his chaotic heartbeat.

Your heart was racing as well, from exhilaration, contentment, love.

The night will be special, you wanted this to happen but you were worrying that it would be all too soon just like he did. You both wanted this first time to be memorable.

“It makes me so elated to call you mine.” His hands grabbed each side of your face, thumbs running up and down your cheeks.

The huge grin on his face could make everything better in a second, and he made you feel so desirable at that moment. Your lips fitted like a puzzle, it was a beautiful match.

“Please let me show you how much I care.” He said before he kissed you passionately again.

“Show me.” You were craving his touch, and you didn’t want to procrastinate this.

That was enough for Harrison to send positive shivers down his spine, picking you up to guide you both to the bedroom.

The small tug on his shirt made him smile during your kiss, you were both impatient.

He wanted to make this night about you only.

The soft fingertips were dancing on your skin, removing your dress carefully. He could feel your shyness mixing with your neediness.

“It’s okay beautiful, don’t cover yourself. Love every inch of you.” He stated, running his hand down your body, placing kisses all over it to show how much he admired you.

“You’re beautiful. So beautiful.” He repeated, feeling the need to let you know every second how gorgeous you really were.

“I want you.” You whined, bringing him back up close to you, kissing his lips steadily.

“Tonight is about you.” He spoke against your lips, his hot breath tickling your skin.

The ache between your legs was becoming distracting for you and all you needed was his touch on your pulsing core.

Harrison was feeling the same, his jeans became tight all of a sudden. The erection throbbed inside his boxers, and the thoughts about you wrapped around him sent waves of excitement.

“Oh shit.” You cursed, relaxing in his arms.

He cupped your breasts giving them a slight squeeze. Your hand was on his wrist, trying to move it to your hard nipples. Harrison got the message but he still took his time.

His body lowered down, face near your chest leaving open-mouthed kisses, stopping when his lips came near your areola. He was already amazed by you, your body was like the most beautiful painting that left him speechless.

The whines and moans were becoming more audible as his fingers came to your breasts to play with the erect nipple. Your skin was so smooth and delicate against his touch, it was making him go insane.

“Please Haz, more.” You begged, his lips capturing yours.

“It’s all about you angel, don’t worry.” He said in between kisses, your back arching when his palm came in contact with your clothed heat.

“Need me here?” He asked, moving his fingers in a slow motion, teasing the clit accidentally.

You hummed in response, removing his shirt and jeans so you both were half naked.

Small kisses were left on your body as he travelled down to your pussy that was already begging for his attention. Harrison wanted you to memorize every touch of his, every kiss and every move.

The panties were removed leisurely, thighs spread so he had a great view of everything.

You were showing him all of you, every sensitive and intimate part and nothing made him more happier than the realization that you trusted him. For Harrison it was the most important thing.

“My sweet girl, you taste heavenly.” He admitted, licking long stripes on either sides of your pussy, concentrating on your clit after it.

“My God Harrison.” Your fingers were in his curls tugging on them slightly.

His tongue and mouth were working together perfectly, causing your nerves to go wild every time he would suck on your clit gently.

“You’re my sweet one, am I right?”

“Only yours.” You choked out, feeling your climax approaching.

“I promise I will let you cum on my tongue as much as you want to, but now I want to feel you cum around me, please.” He pleaded lowly, pressing soft kisses on your pussy and inner thighs.

“Please, want that too.” You swallowed half of the words, closing your eyes.

He could say that he was practically addicted to your lips, the desire to kiss you every second was high. Your lips moved against each other hotly, soft wincing mixing with his moans.

“I love you.” He finally blurted out. He finally said what he intended to say a long time ago. The pounding in his chest was so hard and loud that you could definitely hear it.

“I love you. Let me show you how much angel.” Words replaying like a broken record in your ears, a genuine smile creeping upon your face.

You wanted to respond but his lips were already on yours, hand going down to his shaft.

“May I?” He breathed near your earlobe while his other palm was caressing your body.

Harrison was gentle, always. Always asking for consent, always checking if everything was fine and always making sure that you were satisfied, just like he was.

That was something that Tom didn’t show, or at least was afraid to show. Maybe you weren’t the one that deserved that.

You were once again lost in your thoughts instead of enjoying this lovely moment between you two.

His tip was already in, bringing you back to reality. Your toes curled from the feeling, it was slow and passionate a total difference from him.

“Are you good angel?” He questioned, brushing your cheek tenderly.

“So good, please move.” You grabbed his palm, kissing his knuckles.

Harrison pushed inside of you steadily, his free hand clenching your hips. The warmth from your walls was a whole new and pure feeling, and breathing was suddenly an unknown term for him.

“God, you take me so well. You’re amazing.” His words made you weak.

He began to move his member slowly. Your bodies moved superbly, his eyes were focused on you and on his shaft that was sliding in and out of your glistening core.

Your eyes were fixed on him the whole time, and all you could think of was how ready you were to say those three words.

Harrison’s chest was now on yours, and before he could close the space between your lips you cupped his cheeks to stop him.

“I love you.” Your sweet voice spoke in between the moans.

“I love you Harrison.” You repeated yourself, placing a kiss on top of his lips.

It was like he was dreaming, everything with you seemed like the most beautiful dream.

The smile on his face said everything. He kissed you hungrily, giggles escaping from your mouth.

You were so content tonight, he was making you feel so good, but he also wanted to show how pretty you were, inside and out.

“Fuck, you close love?” He asked, his movements increasing in speed, trying to bring you to the edge.

You nodded, tugging his hair and clenching around his hard member. You moaned loudly as the orgasm washed over you, your hips grinding against his.

“Beautiful.” He never saw no one looking that beautiful while coming for him.

Harrison’s thrusts grew sloppier, his climax was close, so close.

“I’m here beautiful.” He groaned, kissing you once again, coating your tight walls.

You both were whining from the feeling, moving your lips lazily while he still stayed inside of you.

After your breathing slowed down, and your bodies stopped to shake from pleasure, you both smiled at each other.

“I really love you.” He said, brushing your hair slowly with his fingers, placing a peck on your forehead.

“I love you too. Thank you.”

“Let me take care of you now.” Harrison spoke, picking you up bridal style, moving to the bathroom.

“You’re crazy.” You screeched, both of you giggling uncontrollably.

“Only for you.”

Harrison ran you both a bath, filling it with everything you wanted and had in the bathroom.

It was an intimate moment, bodies so close but there was no need for more at the moment.

Your back was pressed on his chest, head resting on his shoulder, the position you adored the most. His hands were all over you, stroking your skin tenderly.

“You are incredible Y/N, you really make me happy, you really do.” He broke the silence, pecking your neck multiple times.

“I should thank you for trusting me and showing me what love really is.” You added, turning around to wrap your arms around the nape of his neck.

Harrison had everything he needed, and he hoped that nothing and no one could take that away from him.

It was just you, him and your love.

Tag List

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amyltia · 4 years ago

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From Jo and Laurie to Rey and Ben : a story of heroines in denial

1. Laurie and Jo : if you don’t acknoweldge it, it won’t happen

Talking with @fairychamber I came to think about the scene in Little Women, between Jo and Laurie on the sofa with Laurie flirting with Jo and Jo using the rough pillow as a shield. I love this scene and I realized it hasn't been much adaptated in movies. I think the mini serie has it but not exactly (I'm not sure).

But I think this scene is a great scene for Jo and Laurie, a great summary and metaphor of their relationship. Jo using the pillow to reject him with subtlety and by doing so refusing to acknowledge that he IS flirting with her. Because as long as she doesn't reject him directly, there is no acknowledgement, no commitment. The more I think about it the more I love the tension of this scene (I'd love to find more characters dynamics or scenes like that).

She can deny and doesn’t have to admit that their relationship has changed and that Laurie is flirting with her. That’s why she is so afraid of him proposing because if he does she can’t delay and deny it anymore, she’d have to face it.

In the pillow scene, she is using a pillow to keep him away, she is using a family convention (this pillow means no one goes near Jo) but Laurie who knows it doesn’t respect it, he transgresses that family convention. And he has to, in order to step up and alter his relationship with Jo. He wants to go beyond family innocent and childish love so he oversteps the conventions and try to give their relation a new direction.

There is a lot if indirect communication : Laurie’s flirt is an indirect and implicit communication and Jo’s use of the pillow is full on implicit. Jo’s strategy is to remain on the level of the pillow’s implicit so she never has to reach the flirtatious implicite, because as long as she doesn’t acknoweldge it, it won’t happen.

N.B. I saw a video on how similar the proposal scenes in Little women of Jo and Laurie and the mini serie Anne of Green Gables with Megan Follows between Anne and Gilbert. Both heroines saw it coming but by fear of losing their current relationship and because they still hadn’t find themselves yet (Jo still felt like she didn’t fit in and Anne wanted to live her dreams and confront her illusions of a fanciful and romantic life) - and for many other reasons, like the fact that Jo don’t love Laurie and Anne didn’t know she loved Gilbert at that moment. They need to grow and are not ready yet. Like any fairy tale, the heroine has to grow before she is ready for love (Bruno Bettelhein on The Uses of enchantment sees the sleeps in Sleeping beauty and Snow white for exemple as a metaphor of the heroine hiding from love and maturity until she is ready).

This fear of confronting a romantic relationship heavily reminds me of Rey from Star wars.

2. Rey and Ben : Ben scarier than Kylo ? Or Rey facing love/hate

Actually it’s the same with Rey and Ben : as long as she can deny it she doesn’t have to face it. That’s what the TLJ novelization suggests by :

“He advanced on Rey, the ignited lightsaber held loosely in one hand. But there was no threat in his approach. Somehow, suddenly, that scared her even more.” - TLJ novelization

I read it a few months ago, HOW DID I MISS how reylo it is ?

This is set right after the throne room scene, Rey and Kylo have fought the Praetorian guards, and are left by themselves. Kylo walks towards Rey, and then comes this quote.

In the context of only TLJ and TFA, it is still very reylo, because it assumes in a very paradoxal way that Rey is more afraid of a harmless Kylo than of a threating one, that she is more scared by Ben than by Kylo. Why ? Of course because she is more afraid of love, of her and Ben’s feelings, and because letting her rage go at Kylo, only fighting is much more easier for her.

Sounds familiar doesn’t it ?....like their whole dynamic in TROS ?

YES. Now in the context of TROS, this quote from the TLJ novel sheds light on TROS and specificaly on TROS’s Rey. I was confused by TROS’s Rey at first, and for a long time, but I like to think that this quote actually sums up her behaviour toward Ben. Each of their encounter is Ben trying to speak to her and Rey starting a fight. (Many great metas explain it very well)

The TROS novelization is very useful too : especially the Pasaana scene where Kylo’s ship go straight towards Rey and she destroys it, almost killing him. I was wondering : did they really try to kill each other ? what were they, each of them, thinking ? The novel is very interesting on this point :

“Rey turned off her lightsaber. She hoped he was dead. No, she didn’t. She hoped...she didn’t know what she hoped.” - TROS novelization

Unlike fairy tale maiden, Rey can’t get into a protective and regressive sleep to protect herself from an adult relationship she is not yet ready for. She is confused : she wants him dead and away so she would be safe, but ....she doesn’t really of course. She is forced to face it more that she is ready for, thus the confused feelings and intentions. That’s probably how Sleeping beauty or Snow white would feel if they couldn’t stay away from the difficulty the prince is presenting to them : would they be running away but still coming back to the ball every evening like Cinderella ?

3. The non-magical form of the sleep in fairy tales : denial

So Rey’s character relies on another form of hibernation or sleep : in TROS she is overly violent. She pushs Ben away and she can because he is still Kylo Ren but also she can’t because except on Pasaana he usually just want to talk...Of course, like the TLJ novelization shows, him talking is much more scary for Rey than fighting him. Because if he talks to her he does get to her, he reaches her. And as many great metas on tumblr have said, she is much more afraid of this intimacy. While she tries to put herself into hibernation, he keeps trying to get to her. The only solution left is to maintain a distance and forge a wall of violence : this is Rey’s form of “Jo’s rough pillow”.

For those two characters, Rey and Jo, who can’t put themselves into a magical and protective sleep, not listening is the best way to stay away. Jo and Rey prevent Ben and Laurie to say their love and to reach to them, because they refuse to listen. If they don’t listen, they can’t be reached : this way they refuse to acknowledge the boys declaration of love. They build a wall (of violence to interrumpt the communication like Rey, or a physical and symbolical wall made of a pillow full of implicit familial codes like Jo) to mimic the magic sleep. And it works (but only for a time in both cases) because both Rey and Jo deviate the communication as Ben and Laurie try to start it :

Ben wants to talk as a neutral party (not ally not enemy) / Laurie flirts

Rey remains on the enemy relation / Jo uses indirect familial codes to keep him away (but it works less)

It’s about who will control the direction the conversation is taking : Rey wins because they end up fighting and not talking, but Jo doesn’t because Laurie simply ignores the indirect codes. Ben accepts to stop talking but Laurie doesn’t and Jo can’t make him stop because it would mean admitting that he is flirting. It’s important to notice that Ben is less direct that Laurie, even he doesn’t directly speaks or acts in a flirty way, he is only stage 1 : not being mortal enemies. Laurie is already stage 2 (appreciating each others, being friends) and tries to reach stage 3 (romantic relationship), so he can allow himself to be more directly flirtatious.

Why did it work less with Jo ? When we think about it, what Jo really does is using a family convention to stop a flirt, so in the end, she already has lost because Laurie makes her transpose something family-related to react to something love-related. Both of them know what the other one is doing, but they mutally agree to pretend like Jo is just acting on a familial basis, even tho they both know that she reacts to a love declaration. Just reacting to love is already playing the love game. In this implicit agreement we see the premices of Laurie’s eventual declaration of love : Jo had already lost.

(I’ll add I an annex on how Jo’s attitude is half-denial because Laurie and her knows she reacted to love, but Rey’s is pure denial because she only answers to Kylo from a ideological divisons perspective and pretends like she doesn’t even see the implicit of his speeches.)

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padfootagain · 4 years ago

Text

A Very Rose Mistake (VII)

Part 7: How A Mistake Was Made

Here we go for a new chapter!! You're finally going to understand where the title of this series comes from!!

I warn you, this is angsty. The flashback is angsty. Sorry… you'd better get some tissue before diving into this!

I hope you like it all the same! Lots of explanation here again thanks to the flashback! The next chapter will be more about the present days again.

I hope you like this! Don't forget to tell me what you think about it, I most definitely need a little help to write these days!

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 5951 (sorry it's a bit long)

Holmes Chapel, 2011

It was Valentine's Day. He was 17 and his world was changing at a speed he couldn't comprehend.

It was great, for the most part. It was completely crazy, actually: he was making an album. He was going to sing and travel around the world. How mad was that?

When he had left Holmes Chapel, he thought he would be back in a week. Maybe two. It would be a fun thing to discuss with you. How mad it was. How weird the whole experience had been, but let's be honest, he was only 16 and he wasn't mature enough for anything as big as this. He would slip back under his covers in his bedroom, and you would cuddle together while watching stupid videos on youtube that made you have this loud and uncontrollable laughter, and you would hide the bag of chocolates you had smuggled into his room when Anne would climb up the stairs.

But he didn't come home at all.

Instead, he went through the whole show, and after the X-factor was done, he was pushed into London City. It had been almost a year, and you had barely seen him.

It was strange to walk the same streets without him. It was strange to not have him sitting next to you in class anymore. It was strange to not go to his house after school every night and eat with him and Gemma while watching some dumb show on TV. It was strange not having him pushing you around on the way to school whenever you weren't quite awake yet.

And the truth was, it was unbearable almost, the way you missed him.

The hurricane he had been caught into was just as strange for him than it was for you, and he missed you just as much as you missed him.

And this shift in your relationship that had appeared right before he would leave had been on hold ever since.

You had almost kissed that evening. If Anne had not opened the front door right at that moment, you would have kissed. And as he was to leave the next day, he didn't bring the moment you had shared again. He reckoned that he ought to tell you how he felt face to face.

He wasn't quite sure what it meant yet being in love with someone, but he reckoned that if he had to give a definition, he would have given your name as an answer.

He was a little lost, and he wasn't sure of how he felt exactly, because he had never experienced anything like it before, but what he was certain about was that he wanted to explore whatever this was. He wanted to kiss you. He wanted to cuddle with you and hold you tight and peck your nose. He wanted to be close to you all the time, it drove him insane.

And when he had been given the opportunity to go home for Valentine's day, he believed in a sign.

You couldn't come to celebrate his birthday in London, so you had promised to spend the weekend with him whenever he would come. And it started tonight.

Harry checked his reflection in the mirror of his old bedroom one last time, straightening the collar of his white shirt under his jersey. A red rose was resting on his bed, and he checked once again that the leaves had not suffered from the lack of water during the past 15 minutes. But they were not wilted, and he looked with satisfaction at the flower.

Romantic. Perfect. Because tonight was the night when he would ask you to be his girlfriend.

And if he were honest, he found that this prospect was scarier than walking on that stage for the first time and sing before a jury.

What if you said no?

But he pushed the thought away. Because that night, a year ago, you had almost kissed him too.

But a year had passed...

Yes, a year had passed, but he was certain that you didn't have a boyfriend. You hadn't mentioned anything to him or to Gemma, and that meant that you were single. He wasn't in Holmes Chapel anymore, but he was still your best friend.

Hopefully, that would change tonight though.

He walked down the stairs with his rose in his shaky hand. Anne eyed him from the living room, pretending to watch TV. When he struggled to arrange the collar of his black winter coat though, his mother couldn't help but walk over to him. She gently pushed his hands away and fumbled with the soft material until it was folded just the right way. She gave her son an encouraging smile and pinched his cheek affectionately.

"Good luck."

"I think I'm gonna throw up," he admitted, before turning to the door.

"It's only Y/N. It'll be fine," Anne encouraged him.

She crossed her fingers for him and he reciprocated the gesture before walking out of the house and into the cold air.

The wind bit down on his cheeks, making them flushed and painful. He ignored the sensation though, and hurried down the path and towards your house.

How many times had he walked this same path leading to your house? Thousands and thousands of times, without a doubt...

It was the evening already, and February coming with its shorter days, it was already pitch-black outside. It had snowed that morning, and the grass and pavement all around the street were covered with half-melted ice. The rooftops were of an immaculate white, although the lampposts scattered down the lane were barely enough to show them. The clouds of the morning had cleared through the afternoon, and the night sky was stained with pale stars. The moon though was nowhere to be seen.

And for the first time in twelve years, he was nervous as he knocked on your front door, the same red paint that had always been there, chipped at the corners and a little diluted by the sun.

You were quick to open the door, and Harry could have sworn that he was having a heart-attack as he saw you again.

You were wearing a simple pair of blue jeans and a warm sweater. Simple. Comfy. The most adorable sight he had ever seen

You were even more beautiful than the last time he had seen you for real... how were you even human at this point?

"Hi, Y/N..."

But he was cut short as you threw yourself at him, sure that he would catch you. And he did, he always did.

You both laughed, your nerves slowly dissolving as you held each other tight.

"Harry!"

"It's me," he nodded, chuckling some more.

"I've missed you so much... I can't believe you're here!"

"I've missed you too. So much!"

"You have so much stuff to tell me. And I have too. You'll never guess who Jeremy ended up with."

"Jeremy? With Ashley?"

"With Leila."

"What?! No way!" He exclaimed, pulling away just enough to look up at you as he was still carrying you, your legs now wrapped around him like a koala.

You nodded with shock all over your features.

"You'll tell me everything. I need to know what kind of drama could have unfolded to lead to these two getting together."

He pressed his face into your neck again, right where it belonged, and you closed your eyes as his warm breath hit your skin softly, a vivid contrast with the cold air of the early evening.

Finally, he gently put you back down, feeling that you were starting to shiver in the cold weather.

And at last, you noticed that he was holding a rose in his hand. You looked up at him questioningly, and Harry was certain that he was going to either throw up or pass out then.

He opened his mouth to offer to go inside to talk because it was awfully cold outside, when someone new appeared on the threshold.

And Harry froze.

It was a boy. Around your age. He had never seen him before.

Who…? What…?

"Oh, Harry, this is Joel! Jo, this is Harry!"

Jo?!

"Hi, man!" Joel shook Harry's hand.

"Hi."

Who was that guy, and what was he doing here? It was the evening, and it was Valentine's Day, and it was the day Harry finally came home to Holmes Chapel and…

Oh…

You had a boyfriend…

"Why don't you come in, Harry?" you offered, but your best friend was still staring at Joel.

You… you had a boyfriend?

"Harry?"

You tilted your head to the side, frowning at him. You were shivering in the cold now, your teeth chattering before you would clench your jaw to stop the shaking. Your breath drew patterns in the light coming from your house behind you. And you were breathtaking, as always. You were absolutely perfect.

You had a boyfriend.

Harry tightened his hold on the rose without noticing, until a thorn was piercing the flesh between his thumb and forefinger.

"Uhm… Actually, I was just saying hello, but I got to go."

"Oh, okay…" you nodded, although you were clearly disappointed.

"Yeah, I… I've got to go."

"Still busy because of the band?"

"Uhm… No, I… I've got something to do."

You looked at the rose again, and then at his eyes, your gaze travelling back and forth a few times.

Of course, you were wondering what he was doing with this flower in his hand.

And he could have given it to you. Given you the benefit of the doubt. Gone forth with his plan anyway. Asked about your boyfriend.

But it seemed wrong and mean and all in all, useless. You had found someone else, and on one hand he was the one to blame. A year had passed since that moment you had shared in his house, and so much was different now. He should have asked you about all this before, instead of waiting for you to be gone. He was too late, that was all.

And maybe he had given the moment too much meaning. Maybe you didn't mean much by it. Maybe you had forgotten about it altogether.

And there he was with a rose for you after spending months building his hopes up. What a fool he was… What an absolute idiot…

"Hmm… yeah, I… I've got to go see Melanie."

"Melanie?"

"Yeah, I… I have a date."

Your expression remained unreadable, although he saw the way your jaw clenched. But he attributed the symptom to the fact that he had promised to spend some time with you tonight, and your best friend was bailing out on you.

Yes, that was why you seemed confused, and a little sad.

"Oh," was your only answer.

He nodded, taking a step back.

"Will you still be here tomorrow?" you asked, following him one step further, chasing after him even if for a single step, the way you always had and always would.

"Yeah, I'm leaving in a week."

"Can you… Maybe we could go to the cinema tomorrow or… just… chill and catch up?"

"I… I don't know, Gemma's back too to see me so…"

"Oh, okay…"

"And I want to spend some time with my mum too, so..."

"Of course, you… you don't see her that much either."

"Yeah."

"Well, just… tell me when you're free, okay? I… I've really missed you and I… I really want to catch up with you."

"Okay. Goodnight, Y/N."

"Good night, Harry."

Before you could say anything else, Harry had turned on his heels and was hurrying down the street. He turned left to cross through the gardens and come back to his house discretely. When he knocked at the kitchen door, Anne welcomed him back inside with a deep frown.

"Already? What happened? And why are you coming back from there… we have a front door, you know?"

But he didn't answer and merely rushed inside, throwing the rose in the sink. He was taking off his coat when Anne realized what it all meant.

"Oh… darling, I'm sorry."

She wrapped her arms around her son, but Harry didn't reciprocate the gesture.

"I need to be alone right now," he whispered, but Anne tightened her hold on him.

"Are you sure? You don't want to tell me what happened?"

He struggled to swallow the lump in his throat, his voice made hoarse by pain.

"She… she has a boyfriend," he simply answered, and Anne heaved a sigh.

"I'm so sorry, darling."

"It's alright. It was a long shot anyway."

"Did you ask her about this boyfriend of hers? Maybe it isn't that serious."

"No, I didn't. I just… I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"I need to be alone right now, mum."

"I'm here if you need anything, okay?"

Harry merely nodded, giving his mother a small smile as he finally broke away from her embrace. He hurried upstairs, while Anne looked at him with a pained expression on her face, but there wasn't much that she could do to help.

He walked in his bedroom and closed the door behind him, not bothering in turning on the light, and when he remembered his lie about Melanie, he decided to remain in the dark for a while longer. This same bedroom in which the two of you had spent countless hours laughing and joking around and doing your homework and reading and watching stupid videos of cats on his computer. You had fallen asleep together in his bed during sleepovers. You had broken his shelf while trying to imitate some martial art. You had broken your toe against his bed simply because you were so damn clumsy sometimes. You had played video games together through sleepless nights. You had read your favourite books to him out loud. He still had that sheet of paper upon which you had learned how to write his name in one of his drawers.

His life was so full of you.

He let himself slip down the length of the door until he was sitting on the wooden floor. When had the tears started to flow? He wasn't sure, but they were there nonetheless.

He looked up to his window, through which he could get a glimpse at your bedroom. Your light was on, and through the think curtains, he could guess your shadow moving on the other side of the windowpane. There was another shadow with you, a little taller, and he didn't need much effort to guess that it was Joel. He watched the two shadows moving closer to meld into one broader shape instead. He kicked the foot of his bed as he imagined the two of you kissing. And if he wasn't sure of what his feelings for you meant, he was absolutely certain that the cause behind his pain now was heartbreak.

He tried to look away, focus onto anything but you and Joel wrapped in each other's arms in your bedroom.

Because indeed, you were in Joel's arms at that moment. With your own arms around his neck and your head resting against his shoulder. And it felt nice. You felt better like this, being held.

You reckoned that you were lucky to have your cousin by your side. You were lucky that he had managed to travel for your mother's birthday and stayed for a few extra days. You were lucky that he was there now, with you, to cradle your head in his hand while you cried harder than you had ever cried before.

Because you had waited for a year for Harry to come back. Because you had imagined thousands of times how you would talk about that interrupted moment in his kitchen. Because you dreamt of being held by him instead, and you wondered what it felt like to be kissed by him. And when he had been standing there with that rose, for a moment, you had hoped that maybe the flower was for you. That perhaps he felt the same, had the same anticipation as you did at the thought of the two of you spending some quality time together again, and the same apprehension at the idea of talking about the almost-kiss from the previous year. But then, he had told you the rose was for Melanie, and not for you. It was Valentine's Day and he was going to give Melanie a red rose, the message was loud and clear.

Maybe he had even forgotten about that moment in his kitchen, it was the most painful thought that kept on twirling around in your mind.

Yes, you were glad your cousin Joel was there to hold you while you cried over your first heartbreak.

Loch Lomond, 2020

Now that you were up and eating your breakfast, your hair still damped from your morning shower, you noticed how sore your legs were after the hike of the day before. If you didn't regret at all your long walk in the mountains, as the view from the top was most definitely worth a few cramps now, you still wished you could go back in bed and lay there all day.

But your plans for a restful day didn't match the schedule your cousin had prepared for the week, and there was no way you could refuse Cassie anything the week before her wedding. Which was why you found yourself walking towards the loch with the rest of the guests, chatting with Patrick and your parents. Harry was a few steps behind, lost in a conversation of his own, even though he was sometimes distracted from the words spoken to him because he kept a careful eye on Patrick all the way from the lodge to the shore of the loch, cautious at being as discreet in his surveillance as he could.

Cassie had planned an outing across the loch. She had rented some rowboats for the day, that were merely ten minutes away from the lodge. The idea was to cross the loch with the boats, have lunch on the other side, and explore the forest a little maybe, and then coming back to the lodge for the early evening.

The weather was merciful, the day a little warmer than the previous one, and the sun was bright now that it was high enough in the blue sky. There were barely any lazy clouds to cover the light, and the waters of the loch reflected the clear sky like an azure mirror. The shores were not too muddy thanks to the sunny weather, although the layers of multicoloured skeleton leaves that covered the ground had a tendency to trap the morning dew for a little longer than usual, making the earth still a little wetter than what it should have been. It made your footsteps loud in the quiet morning.

Cassie insisted for you to join her and her fiancée in their boat, so you complied, leaving Harry to share a rowboat with other guests.

It didn't really surprise you to have Cassie insisting on you joining her. You had not seen each other in a very long time because of your studies, and you had lots of things to catch up on. Besides, you were expecting to be questioned about your 'relationship' with Harry.

And indeed, you were not disappointed.

Five minutes into the trip, as soon as you were a few meters away from the other boats, Cassie was more or less abandoning the oar she was in charge of to lean towards you instead, an excited glimmer in her eyes.

"So… you and Harry? I want to hear everything!"

You laughed, shaking your head.

"There's not so much to say about it," you rolled your eyes, diverting your attention from her eager eyes by shaking your drying locks, as if trying to make your hair dry faster.

"Not much to tell about it?! Are you kidding me?! After all these years of the two of you being oblivious morons, you finally are together!"

"We didn't spend years being oblivious morons, thank you very much!" you defended yourself, but your cousin was far from convinced.

"Yes, you did!"

"Honey, you need to help me control the boat," Cassie's fiancée blurted out, struggling with her own oar, but your cousin was too busy with you to care about where the boat was heading.

"How did you two finally come to your senses?" she asked.

"We… had a little bit too much to drink one evening, at a party," you explained, hoping she wouldn't notice that you were lying. "And we ended up… saying things that we wouldn't have admitted while sobber, I guess. And we… kissed. Then, the next day, we talked about it and came to the conclusion that it was for the better that we got it out in the open. And we decided to take the risk and try a relationship."

She let out an excited shriek, letting go of the oar completely, making Amy roll her eyes at her and giving up her own oar as well. She knew your cousin enough to be aware that she wouldn’t be focused on anything but you as long as her curiosity for gossips wasn't satisfied.

"I can't believe it took you guys this long to finally agree to be together!" she swatted your leg playfully. "But then, you both are stubborn and a little stupid, so… not so surprising."

"Thanks for the compliment," you answered with irony, making both the women in front of you laugh.

"And so far, how is it going?"

"Good. It's… it's going great."

"What about the distance?"

"Huh… so far we haven't had to deal with that too much but… we're used to not being around each other constantly so I'm not too worried."

"Yeah, but… it's different between friends and between lovers," Amy replied.

"Uhm… yeah, I guess," you tried to escape her question.

"Has he written songs about you?" Cassie asked, a softness spreading across her features, and both you and Amy chuckled at the sight of the desperate romantic your cousin sometimes was.

"No, he hasn't!" you replied.

"None that you know of, at least!" Cassie replied with a snort. "He was already writing songs about you before you two got together, so he's obviously writing some now too!"

"No, he wasn't!" you shook your head, frowning.

"Huh… yes, he was."

"Of course not!"

"He was! You have to be blind to not realize that yet! He's been head over heels for you for years!"

You rolled your eyes, hoping the gesture would be enough of an answer, because you weren't sure how to respond to her without betraying the truth.

After all, she would know he had never felt this way for you if you told her that he had never, for certain, written any songs about you. Because for all these years, he had never seen anything but a friend in you. There had been one moment when you were sixteen… but then time had passed and had turned the instant in a fading memory. And there was nothing else to be said about it all. He went on to have other relationships, and you did the same, and he fell in love and wrote songs about other people, and never about you. And you were fine with that.

But you couldn’t sell Cassie the story of shared feelings with Harry if you told her that he had never seen anything in you but a friend.

Luckily for you, she dropped that particular subject, to come to another, just as personal and problematic for you to answer.

"And… when did he first say that he loves you, then?"

You scoffed, faking to be a little embarrassed.

"That is none of your business!"

"But he said it then!" Cassie let out another excited shriek. "Knowing him, it must have been awfully romantic," she went on with a dreamy sigh.

By her side, Amy rolled her eyes at her, an amused smile on her lips.

The other boats of the party were drifting across the loch as well, a few meters away and, hopefully, out of earshot. But you were too busy trying to make your way through Cassie's sudden interview to pay much attention to the rest of the guests.

"Anyway, it ought to be more romantic than when Amy told me she loved me for the first time," she threw a knowing glance at her fiancée, who frowned at her in response.

"It was kind of romantic, when you think of it!" Amy defended herself.

"I was sick! I was throwing up in your toilets!"

"I was holding your hair!"

"I WAS PUKING!" Cassie fought back.

"When you think of it, it was kind of cute," you defended Amy with a chuckle. "It meant that she loved you even if she was seeing you being disgusting."

"Exactly!" Amy agreed.

Cassie laughed, before leaning to kiss the fresh pout away from her fiancée's lips.

"You're right. It was kind of cute. Memorable, if anything else."

It was Amy's time to laugh, before leaning for another peck.

And seeing the couple together like this, you had to admit that you were a little jealous. If you weren't complaining about being single, you still had to admit that, looking at these two being adorable together, you wanted that too, one day.

You didn't even notice your eyes drifting away and settling on a colourful jumper in another of the boats, your brain refusing to register the interruption in the movement of your eyes, or who the jumper and the mess of brown curls belonged to.

"Anyway, next question I have to ask," Cassie brought you back to the present, and you settled your attention on her again. "How is the sex?"

You chocked on your own breath.

"What?! What kind of question is that?!" you protested, but Cassie merely shrugged while Amy was exploding with laughter at your reaction.

"Sex can be important in a relationship! Depends on the relationship, of course. Some people don't need that. But Harry is obviously very touchy and horny, like… that's just who he is. So I assume sex is gonna be a part of the relationship that… counts at least. How is it going?"

"Cassie!"

"What? We're all grown-ups! Don't act all shy now!

"I… It's going perfectly fine, thank you for your concern," you answered, clearly embarrassed.

"Good… you won't give me any more details on what's going on down there…?"

"CASSIE!"

"Okay, okay! I was just curious!"

You buried your face in both your hands, groaning in embarrassment.

"Besides, I'm asking cause… I'm a bit worried for you two, if I'm honest."

At that comment though, you looked up at Cassie again.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, it's just…" she shrugged, trying to find the right words. "You and Harry don't seem so… different around each other than you were… before. You know?"

It was your turn to shrug.

"We've always been kind of close. And Harry isn't so much in PDA anyway."

"Hmm…" your cousin nodded, but was clearly unconvinced. "I don't know, I just… feel like maybe you're not putting enough… tenderness into it. Okay, he held your hand a couple of times but… you're not kissing, or stealing many glances or… I mean, no more than usual. I don't know, just… I'm worried about you two. A relationship can't work if you don't put efforts into it, and you don't seem to put too much effort into it for now."

You were near panicking by now.

Had you and Harry done such a bad job at selling the whole fake relationship? Even your cousin was doubting you. You reckoned that a conversation with Harry was needed.

But right now, you needed to find an explanation, and fast.

You heaved a sigh.

"It's just… it's a bit weird being together around my parents and the whole family, you know?" you lied, hoping with all your might that Cassie would bite into the bait. "I'd love to be a bit more obvious about it, but then I notice my parents are around, and I feel like a teenager about to get caught snogging her boyfriend in her bedroom by her dad… you know what I mean? And I think Harry kinda feel the same."

Cassie nodded knowingly, before leaning forward and taking your hand.

"I get it. It must be weird to change your relationship with Harry and suddenly come forth with it in front of everyone. Especially when Harry has been your friend and a part of this family for so long now. But… you need to relax. Everyone around here loves Harry, and more importantly, everyone simply wants you to be happy. And it's obvious that your happiness lays with Harry, it's always been obvious. So… relax. Enjoy your relationship and stop caring so much about everybody else. Can you do that for me? Consider it my wedding gift."

You were strangely touched by her caring words, and you found yourself fighting tears for some reason. Maybe it was because Cassie was so genuinely concerned for you and only wanted the brightest happiness for you, it was obvious in her tone and her words alike. Maybe it was because of what she said about Harry and you. It was hard to tell.

But you nodded anyway, choosing to joke to relieve the emotion that filled the air above the loch all of a sudden.

"I'll try, thank you for your advice. But… I've already bought you one of the things on your stupid wedding list, so… that would make too many gifts."

She laughed with you, finally pulling away, and taking back her oar. But she didn't start manoeuvring the boat before one last word was spoken through a tender smile.

"I'm really happy for you, Y/N. He'll make you happy, I know it. He'll love you the way you deserve to be adored. He always has, even when you didn't know he did."

You weren't surprised to find Harry playing with the two young children that were part of the guests. Amy's nephews and nieces were, after all, some of the cutest children you had ever met, and Harry was known for his love for children. So, when you went looking for him to talk about what your cousin had confessed in the boat about her doubts about the two of you, and found your best friend giggling in the most adorable way, chasing after Amy's eight-year-old nephew, in this ridiculous way he had to run sometimes, you couldn't refrain a grin. None of them seemed to notice you as you approached them, they were too busy playing on the shore of the loch. The rest of the two families were setting down blankets and the food needed for the picnic a few meters away, the boats safely dragged up the shore when you arrived to the other side of the loch. And you thought you could use this amount of time when everyone else was busy to have a quick conversation with Harry. But then, you were met with this adorable scene that now unfolded before you, and really, you couldn't interrupt them.

It was as if you were held back by an invisible force, really. All of a sudden, your feet were planted in the ground, and there was no willpower to summon in yourself to make your body move forward. Instead, you remained motionless under the autumnal sun, the wind making the colourful leaves whisper above you, and stared at your best friend being the softest ray of sunshine you had ever seen.

And there it was again. This warm feeling invading your whole chest that you had spent so long trying to banish from your heart. No need to put a name on it. No need to make it harder and more painful than it already was.

Why did he have to be like this all the time? He made it so hard to forget him. And he was so oblivious to it all that you couldn't even be mad at him for it.

Really sometimes, you hated him a little because of it. And as you watched him run around after the child, purposefully missing as he extended his arms to grab the boy, a ridiculous expression on his face as he laughed under the sun, wearing that stupid oversized jumper stained with bright colours of his, his unruly hair a mess of curls shaken by the wind, you did hate him a little. You hated him for making you feel the way you did now.

It took him a couple of minutes to notice that you were there, leaning against the trunk of an evergreen pine tree. Once he spotted you, he shot you a bright smile, before making a silly face that made you laugh despite yourself. It wasn't your fault, after all. He was so goofy sometimes, how were you supposed to resist him?

You shook your head at him, before nodding towards the trees that climbed up the shores, all the way up the slopes of the mountains around the lochs. Harry seemed to catch what you meant, as he sent the children back to their parents, and followed you as discreetly as he could further in the forest.

There were bushes filled with thorns that you almost tore your jeans onto. Only a few meters away, a small clearing filled with purple heather and tall green ferns was splayed in sunshine. Pine trees left their needles everywhere, making a brownish blanket upon the earth. A few colourful deciduous trees finished to paint the scene with touches of brighter colours to stain the blank blue sky. You figured the clearing was far enough to not be heard.

"Everything alright?" Harry asked with a concerned frown when you stopped walking and turned to him with worry painted all across your features.

"I had a talk with Amy in the boat."

"And?"

"And… we're not doing so good."

"What do you mean? Do you mean she's… suspicious about us being together?"

"Kind of. I mean… no, she didn't go this far," you reassured him. "But she asked if everything was alright between us because she thought we weren't… uhm… showing our feelings enough."

Harry heaved a sigh, pinching his lower lip between his fingers, clear sign that he was thinking and worried.

"I told you it was a bad idea."

"Look, we just need to up our game a little. I thought my family would be more easily convinced, but as they clearly don't seem to be buying it, I reckon that we simply have to… put a little more effort pretending."

"So… what do you propose we do?"

"Just… more PDA, I guess."

Harry's cheeks and ears turned crimson, and there was nowhere for him to hide this time.

"Alright. I can do that."

"Let's just… full on pretend we're together, okay? Holding hands, and hugs or whatever… you would do with your girlfriend in public... I mean… with people you know around."

"Okay."

"We can do this, H."

"We don't exactly have a choice at this point, do we?"

You didn't answer, and instead, walked back towards your family to join them for lunch, leaving Harry to meditate on your words on his own.

But then, he reckoned he didn't have a choice. If you wanted him to fully lean in the pretend, then he'd do it. No matter how dangerous that behaviour could end up being.

*****************************************************************

Taglist : @emcchi @fishstick-knows @eldahae @just-damn-bored @retrouvailessx @marvelstudies2020 @boxofteenageideas@ponycake27 @horsesreign @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet@notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss @stuckupstucky@snek-shit @suchatinyinfinity@i-padfootblack-things @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi@jigsawlover10 @emyyjemyy @addictedtofictionalcharacters @staringmoony@madamrogers @cronias13 @stylesfics-xx @mellamolayla @mariaenchanted@swtxel

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago

Text

Dash & Lux

Dash: ☀️🧙🏽‍♀️🎶🥁🎸🪕🧚🏿‍♂️🌿🌼🧚🔮💃💫🔥🕺🏻🌳💗🍯🍻

Lux: That is almost exactly what the inside of my head looks like right now!!!

Lux: Is mind-reading a power that is bestowed upon you believers this eve?! 🤔��

Dash: Right on

Dash: it’s one of many, trust

Lux: I’m ever sadder I can only be an observer now

Lux: Telepathy would be the most useful!

Dash: you gotta open your 👀 at least twice

Lux: I can 👀 at it, all of it in its splendour, just not participate

Dash: Bummer! What’s got you backing off? You don’t look like no wallflower chick to me

Lux: I got the dress code 🌻🌻🌻

Lux: Sunflowers are so strong-looking for flowers, don’t you think?

Lux: Not dainty and delicate

Lux: Well, I’m a Christian and technically this is a Pagan ritual so it’s a big 🚫🚫

Lux: I am finding it super interesting though

Dash: they don’t look strong, they are, babe 🌻🌻🌻 cleaned up Chernobyl, it’s far out what they can do

Dash: its roots, yeah, but we’re not all pagans here & we all still find something to celebrate, you could do St John the Baptist’s birthday as a christian, bonfires were big for that too

Lux: Whaaaaaaaaaat????! TELL ME MORE

Dash: about 🌻🌻🌻 or 🎂🔥🎇🎆?

Lux: 🌻🌻🌻 birthdays are contentious too

Dash: Helianthus annuus, from the Greek helios, meaning ☀️ they can remove poisonous chemicals & metals from the ground, water or air

Dash: they spread rapidly & can stabilize if not totally clear a field in 3 years, it’s 🤯

Lux: I wish I’d gone to school

Lux: Do you know any more fascinating things?

Lux: That sounds like magic

Dash: the world’s full of magic, but it wasn’t school that taught me to recognize it

Lux: Share the secret, kind sir

Dash: you’ve got the 🔑 & this here’s your kingdom, all you have to do is hang out & stay hip to what you 👀👂👃👅

Dash: 🧠➡️⬅️⬆️⬇️↗️↘️↙️↖️↪️↩️⤴️⤵️

Lux: I’ve 👅 so many wondrous tastes today

Lux: I feel full in so many senses of the word

Lux: How long have you been a member of the kingdom, stranger?

Dash: quest accepted to lay that feeling on you in every sense, then it’ll be a rad celebration

Dash: I’ve been here since I could walk, everywhere else is too big a drag to keep me

Lux: Oh, that’s so kind!

Lux: Everyone is so open and willing to teach me things

Lux: For instance, quick, when’s your birthday, wolf boy

Dash: it’s that kinda space 🦊

Dash: 20th of January 🎂 got me on the cusp ♑♒

Lux: Twins!

Lux: My birthday, which I’ve never celebrated before, is the 20th of March 😱

Lux: Someone, I’m not sure who, was just telling me about the Celtic tree signs

Lux: ‘If you were born in the month of the birch, you probably have a fresh and unusual outlook on life. People born under this Celtic tree astrology sign tend to be highly driven and are always full of zeal and ambition. They always want more and try to reach new horizons and expand their knowledge. Some of the characteristics attributed to the Birch sign are tolerance, toughness, and leadership. The Birch signs can brighten a room with their smile and quickly charm other people’

Lux: Yay or nay 🐺

Dash: you charmed so far or nah? [obviously smiling at her wherever she is as well like heyyy]

Lux: [definition of this emoji 🤭]

Dash: What’s your celtic tree sign?

Lux: ‘Those born under the Alder sign are natural pathfinders. They have the ability to move people and quickly gain followers to their cause. The Alders have a way with words, mingle easily and people love to be around them. They possess a mystic charisma, confidence and strong self-faith. Other character traits are: a good focus on goals and ideas, can’t tolerate fluff and waste.’

Lux: I am unsure but flattered 😊😊😊

Dash: I dig it

Dash: they let you know if we’re compatible? Your ♓♈ cusp makes you mad desirable to all signs

Lux: You need to see who here was born 15th April to 12th May or 2nd September to 29th September

Lux: But it says I’m compatible with you, so how does that work?! 😣

Lux: There’s so much I have to get my head ‘round

Dash: You’re gonna be 🥰💖 for me while I’m 🔍 for a 🐈 or 🐤 born on those dates?

Lux: Hey, that’s way less nice!

Lux: but I can also be looking for people born 13th May to 9th June AND 10th June to 7th July so 😋

Dash: those signs are full of it, trying to make me look uncool but don’t sweat it, I’d never cut you that low, like

Lux: If it’s not in the 💫s I can still say I’m pleased to meet you today as friends, Mowgli

Dash: Look up

Dash: if you don’t see a 🌠 I can show you a 🐺🌟 & 🦊🌟 chasing each other across the sky

Lux: [obviously literally does]

Lux: That’s very Disney 🏰✨

Dash: is that allowed?

Lux: I watched some at a friend’s house one time

Dash: & how was it?

Lux: 😭 but romantic

Dash: Anyone told you the oak king story yet?

Lux: Okay, thank Goodness

Lux: this lady with the dreads and the big back tattoo tried to tell me but I couldn’t understand her 🙊

Lux: Redeem your gentlemanly reputation and save both of us the embarrassment

Lux: Her accent was wild! 🤯

Dash: did her version start with Fadó, fadó?

Dash: wouldn’t be a wild guess

Lux: I won’t credit you with any telepathic skills this time, then

Lux: also I’d need to 👂 it again to confirm fully but yes, I think so

Dash: [send her an utterly unnecessary voice memo]

Lux: It sounds more intriguing when you say it

Dash: [obviously gotta tell her the full story in an irish voice memo purely for the #flex and the flirt cos you know damn well you’re gonna have to translate it, boy]

Lux: 🤩

Lux: Did you learn that here too?

Lux: I’ve lived so many different places and yet I only know the one language

Dash: My ma started it but when the establishment took over it was a bad scene & turned me off for time, last few years here it felt groovy again having that connection & I refound the 💚☘️

Lux: It’s really cool

Lux: it sounds old, or like elvish or something else not real

Dash: it’s a trip, you’ve gotta get someone to teach you while your fly by lasts

Lux: Oh, I live here 😊

Lux: I room with Nora, do you know her?

Dash: Beats me, what’s her deal?

Lux: Her and her brother Finley have been here for a while, but not forever like you

Lux: but there are a lot of people here so I’m not surprised you’re not sure 😅

Dash: not a clue but loads of people are too rattled to wanna get involved, could be her vibe

Dash: or she just ain’t outta sight like you

Lux: She’s totally involved, she secured like all of the sunflowers for today

Lux: well, me and Amber helped but she was definitely the most enthusiastic

Dash: 🌻👑! I do know her, but her in with Amber & instant karma means she’s not gonna mess around with me

Lux: Ooh, what did you do

Dash: jack, Amber’s hassling me cos I’m not trying to be her old man, she gets super rash & things get heavy with 0 slack

Lux: Hmm I shouldn’t have asked 🤐🙉

Dash: ask her why she’s making a move on my older bro now if not to try & lay a trip on me, babe’s lost it

Lux: Whaaaaaaa

Lux: You have a brother?!

Lux: Is he invisible?

Dash: I wish

Lux: Which one is he, point him out

Dash: [points in the direction of their house lol]

Lux: [a face of understanding like oh okay]

Lux: How does Amber know him then?

Dash: from stalking me

Lux: I don’t think she would do that

Lux: She must’ve just bumped into him or something

Dash: at my house, yeah

Lux: It’s cool, it’s not really my business

Dash: open 👀 like I said

Lux: 📖

Dash: that too 🧠💗🤲

Lux: I can agree with that sentiment

Dash: we’re groovy then

Lux: Of course 😊

Lux: enjoy your evening

Dash: back at you, golden girl ☀️🎇👸🏼

Lux: I like your outfit too

Lux: it’s very ☀️🧙🏽‍♀️🎶🥁🎸🪕🧚🏿‍♂️🌿🌼🧚🔮💃💫🔥🕺🏻🌳💗🍯🍻

Dash: [comes over and ties a chain of flowers around her wrist like it’s a friendship bracelet energy]

Lux: [clearly delighted with this]

Dash: [ask her if she wants to dance even though you know damn well she’s only observing because kind of boy you are]

Lux: [so rude lowkey when she’s struggling so hard with what she does and doesn’t believe now, we’re in enough of a dilemma without your help but there we go; thus we will go dance with you because we do want to and we can make arguments that that isn’t joining in with the rituals of it all]

Dash: [he’s lucky Amber is busy because she would fight him, but instead enjoy your dance you two]

Lux: [the audacity of your lies about her, we were so awkward like 😬 anyway, we will have a nice dance though]

Dash: [such a dickhead he can only be humbled by fire, full offense Nora because we’re ignoring you hen cos you’re clearly wise to his bs]

Lux: [there’s clearly a growing group of gals who are unimpressed by your nonsense and that will be interesting to navigate]

Dash: [Definitely, but yeah probably do slip away like a snek before any of those gals do kick your ass]

Lux: 🎃👠🐁🌠🕛

Dash: A 📘 for the 🔥

Lux: 🤔?

Dash: it’s a drag, all that heavy shit with her fam is a bummer, she gets to split but only til 🕛 that’s some 🌠

Lux: Yeah, it’s enough to get help though and then she gets saved

Dash: nah, to get shafted, she don’t get to dance with anyone else there, it’s a scam

Lux: 😅 who else does she need, she’s got the prince, silly!

Dash: someone who recognizes her next day?

Lux: Touche 😏

Lux: Being a 🤴 is a lot of work

Dash: What 🤴 told you that?

Lux: Where to begin

Lux: I’ve known several who would say as much and the 👸s would never disagree

Dash: Fadó, fadó, fadó a bhí ann…

Dash: but I’d shut it down from the beginning, they gotta be shining you on

Lux: I’m going to have to have translate open constantly, I see 😰

Lux: but very noble

Dash: I try, like you & your ☘️ it’s chill we’ve all got your back

Lux: It would be way worse if it was the only language any of you spoke

Lux: thank goodness 😅

Lux: there’s lots more that’s more pertinent for me to get a grip on

Dash: 🧝🧝🏻‍♀️🧝🏽🧝🏾‍♀️

Dash: we’ve got you on the rest too, like, goes without saying

Lux: Most everyone has been super welcoming

Dash: how long have you lived here?

Lux: Not long enough that that’s insulting 😋

Lux: but gosh, a couple of weeks? Must be

Dash: nah I meant cos I don't wanna explain to you what sorta place this is like you're fresh through the door if you've had loads of time to find your own way

Lux: Oh no, I’m a total n00b

Lux: Hazel got me here but I’ve kinda just been left to it since

Lux: Anything you wanna tell me would be appreciated

Dash: did Amber or Nora give you the tour?

Lux: Amber’s been super busy and Nora likes to stay in our room mostly

Dash: not super welcoming

Dash: but it’s no sweat, I’ll show you round, we’ll have a blast

Lux: they’ve both got their own stuff going on, I don’t expect them to drop it for me

Lux: but that would still be cool, thank you!

Dash: say when

Dash: it’ll be as electric under the ☀️ as the 🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌙

Lux: I can 👀 in the dark

Lux: You choose

Lux: find me when you’ve stopped having the MOST fun?

Dash: 🐺🐾🦊

Dash: Meet me in the orchard at midnight, ditching your shoes before

Dash: there’s an 🍏🌳🍎 you can 👀 the whole farm from the top of

Lux: And you’ll remember what I look like?

Dash: you look unreal

Dash: unforgettable

Lux: I got creative with the arts and crafts 🌟⚡️☀️

Lux: I’ve always made my own clothes

Lux: well, I made them for my sisters before

Lux: looking unforgettable was not the end goal there though

Lux: that was for secret

Dash: my nan would be hip to you, she used to make her own clothes, for her girl & her sister too when they wanted, it’s still a vibe for her

Lux: I will make her something then

Lux: what’s her style?

Dash: indescribable

Dash: I’ll show you pics

Lux: Awkward if your nan is cuter than you

Dash: at our age she totally was

Lux: Awh, you’re so sweet

Lux: I have nothing nice to say about my meemaw

Dash: keep it for mine when you meet her

Lux: You’re gonna introduce me to your nan? 😊

Dash: right on, she’ll wanna put whatever you make on for you to 👀 & it’s only a few fields over

Lux: 🏞 it’s a crazy beautiful spot to live, that’s for sure

Lux: so you live with her?

Dash: Yeah, my ma grew up there & when my parents called it quits she wanted to move back

Lux: You’re close-knit

Lux: that’s special

Dash: closer than I am to my da

Lux: Does that upset you?

Dash: I don’t let it upset my equilibrium, he’s uptight, that’s his problem not mine

Lux: I understand

Lux: I don’t agree with my dad on a lot of things

Lux: it’s still sad though

Dash: I got killer people round me, a 2nd family here accepting me for who I am, it ain’t cool he don’t, but they give me what I need

Lux: I’m happy for you

Lux: Seriously

Lux: again, that’s special, you should be really grateful

Dash: I am, believe me

Dash: you’re gonna scope out how special it is here now I’m in charge of showing you everything

Lux: I’d love to see your 🌍 how you see it

Lux: Kinda sounds like everything I need, honestly

Dash: you can, easily when we’re sharing a branch

Lux: 🧚‍♀️ you’re dainty, I trust you won’t let me fall

Dash: I’ll let you fall into something good though, new heights

Lux: Will it hurt?

Dash: no way

Lux: You aren’t pranking me, are you?

Dash: there’s no plastic on me, I’m being real with you

Lux: If you’re gonna try and jump me out in the orchard I’ll have to show you crazy and I really can’t afford to lose this place okay

Lux: so if I believe you right now and you were lying, it’ll be worse than it would’ve been, you feel me?

Dash: Hurting you isn’t my action, I’m about a gentler touch than that

Lux: and I’m not a bully, that’s not my vibe so that’s the warning out of the way

Dash: avenging 👼 I get it

Lux: My costume has you fooled, I think

Dash: Wait, so you’re pranking me?

Lux: No, I swear! 😅

Lux: I don’t feel like I’ve been anywhere near as nice to you as you have to me though

Dash: but you did dance with me & that was choice

Lux: I wanted to

Dash: me too, I wasn’t asking just to be nice

Lux: even though you’re very nice

Lux: I believe that

Dash: I think we’re getting somewhere

Lux: You understand why I’d find a boy like you being interested in me dubious at first, right

Dash: Nah, but I’m listening

Lux: Well it’s embarrassing to say

Dash: alright, listen, I think you’re the most

Dash: I’m embarrassed I’ve not met you before tonight

Lux: There are so many people to meet

Lux: and you’re like the 🤴 of this place, huh

Lux: you have to dance with all the ugly stepsisters too

Dash: if Amber said write that to bait me I’m shutting up

Lux: I think Amber left 🤔

Lux: And who’s calling her ugly, even if you guys have beef, like no way

Dash: & Nora’s gotta be back in your room cos that’s her bag, yeah?

Dash: so where are you?

Lux: I’m in the middle of [one hippie activity] and [another]

Dash: [go find her and dance with her again obvs, we can be bolder about if some of the haters are gone and it’s later so he’s clearly a bit more drunk/high by now too]

Lux: [the way you’re probably sober like how lmao, not saying you always are or will be ‘cos no but gotta have our wits about us ‘cos witchery is afoot; but yeah we all know it can shamelessly way more of a Thing™]

Dash: [at least Amber was too until her row with the bae even if she wasn’t the most present in other ways, so it wasn’t just you gal, but yeah, dispel any remaining fears she may have that you’re not into this please boy with this moment]

Lux: [we know you got your own going on, it’s good, this drama has to happen whether you like it or not babe sorryyyy, when you’re then even more into it because it’s like HELLO IS THIS ALLOWED, so new and fresh to get to remotely be this brazen]

Dash: [shouldn’t LOVE that for you but I do, we should probably let y’all go on your tour then because we’re both in a mood and there’s nobody to separate you]

Lux: [probably, but I will insist on making you wait ‘til midnight regardless]

Dash: [it is a fat mood and I did pick that time deliberately so yeah, dance the night away first hens]

Lux: [sure it’s probably near that time anyways]

Dash: [yeah absolutely]

Lux: [we can skip to the after in this if you like?]

Dash: [are we thinking am like did y’all fall asleep together or?]

Lux: [Hmm, do we go with the Cinderella and have her bounce or do we go against it and not, because then she would think he wasn’t a dick later]

Dash: [even though he’s a dick I still want all the cute I can grab with my smol hands]

Lux: [it’s not like you can’t be like I just fell asleep it’s nbd with it so yeah okay

Dash: [I also like the camber parallel of it all so]

Lux: [true true, we can do it, then you can just have breakfast as a group because duh, was it sunday or monday today?]

Dash: [I think it’s sunday aka Cosmo is having his 2nd date with Ruby tonight and then Camber breakfast dates start monday]

Lux: [okay then you will have to think of a creative way to ditch her then boy hohaha]

Dash: [at least he can just go home because Amber only stayed to angrily eat some fruit and Cosmo had a busy day ahead because I doubt the shower situation at this commune is thriving, water probably runs out always]

Lux: [what a poser lmaooo]

Dash: [and very rude not to invite her when she probably wants to shower or bathe too]

Lux: [we literally got gems stuck to our face but pop off]

Dash: [we know you’re not because your mother is there and sick of your behaviour but yes, it wouldn’t kill you to let her boy]

Lux: [no offence but run him over, anyway, some time later]

Lux: are you ⬇️🍄?

Dash: 🛹⚡️

Lux: aha, cool

Lux: good thing you didn’t invite me I’d end up 🤕 for sure

Dash: I didn’t stop you falling out of a tree last night to have you fall off a board later in the AM

Lux: Hey, you make it sound like I was 🤏 close! 😆

Dash: nah, your balance is sound

Lux: I don’t recall you stepping on my toes, either

Dash: don’t wanna have to start the day off doubting your 🍒 recall, that’d be a bad scene

Lux: I was totally sober thank you 😅

Dash: easy to claim the magic’s all you when I ain’t met you before but I’m a believer

Lux: Wait, was that a compliment or a diss?

Lux: Maybe I’m contact-wasted

Dash: contact with Nora would get you more sober, there’s a diss

Lux: Awh, don’t be mean!

Lux: She’s been really nice

Dash: chill out, I’m only playing

Lux: Hmm 😏

Lux: anyway, what are you doing later?

Dash: I said I’d hang with Yara

Lux: Oh cool, who’s that?

Dash: I’ll introduce you after

Lux: after what?

Dash: we’re done messing around

Lux: wow, alrighty then

Dash: you’ll like her, she’s a trip

Lux: I’m not totally sure she’d want you to 💬 that

Lux: or I’ll know what to 💬 now

Dash: it’s no biggie

Lux: idk, this is not the way I was raised

Lux: you say it’s not but idk, you know

Dash: you don’t have to meet her

Lux: Yeah

Dash: I think she’s rad but you gotta make up your own mind

Lux: It’s not about her

Dash: nah, you, I understand where you’re coming from, it’s a new world

Lux: Right, it seems really icky to me that you’d tell me any of this

Lux: it’s not about how rad she could be

Dash: Come on, Lux, I’m keeping this honest

Lux: I guess

Lux: Why do you need to tell me though, I don’t get it, for real?

Dash: I like you, I don’t want it to get twisted

Dash: 📖

Lux: Okay, I appreciate the sentiment then

Dash: I’ll come find you later, on my own

Lux: That’s okay

Lux: I’ve got lots of chores to catch up on

Dash: they’ll be done faster if I help you

Lux: I can’t stop you

Lux: the place is a mess after last night and the more people who pitch in the better

Dash: I don’t get why you’d wanna stop me

Lux: I don’t really wanna hang out now, not today anyway

Dash: I can’t believe you’re being like this

Lux: Being like what?

Dash: Amber

Lux: I’m not

Lux: you can’t hang out now, I can’t hang out later, how is it any different?

Dash: the way I’m travelling through today is a straight line, yours is all over the place

Lux: Good for you?

Lux: It doesn’t matter either way though

Dash: doing a u turn on me does matter

Lux: It does?

Lux: because last night you thought I was rad, so obviously this morning I wanted to hang out with you again, so I think it’s my turn to do the 180, if you think about it

Dash: I still think you are, last night was unreal & we can be again, I’m just asking you to take 5 cos I can’t split on Yara after making plans time ago

Lux: That’s fine, it’s not fine to be mad at me ‘cos I ask you to take 5 too

Lux: that makes it make no sense

Dash: I��m not mad at you, I’m trying to make sense of why you’re mad at me

Lux: I’m not mad at you, I’m upset

Lux: You only need to ask

Dash: idk I didn’t think this would go down how it is

Lux: Me either, I guess

Dash: you for real want space?

Lux: I don’t know

Lux: Can I get back to you on that?

Dash: yeah

Lux: I wanted to see you again

Lux: I thought you’d want to see me too

Dash: I do, you read me right last night, why are you gonna start disbelieving yourself today?

Lux: You want to see Yara more

Dash: I wanna see her too

Lux: Okay, have fun then

Dash: we cool?

Lux: I don’t know

Dash: idk what's turned you different, you were laying it on me like you got it, how I'm

like royalty & everyone wants a piece of my time

Lux: Oh my Gosh

Lux: I wasn’t being serious and I didn’t think you were

Lux: do you honestly think that, like what?

Dash: It's a touch plastic saying I'm like 👑 but still close to how it is

Lux: Um, you don’t even live here

Lux: you have a whole house and family

Dash: I'm here with my chosen family as much as I can be

Lux: Yeah, but what do you

actually do for this place, or anyone here?

Lux: The audacity to act like it’s your kingdom, that’s laughable and gross all at once

Dash: back off babe, I do whatever they need me to do

Lux: Babe-ing me right now isn’t a good look

Lux: manual labour at best makes you help, not visiting royalty

Lux: are you crazy, like, who do you think you are, seriously I’m so curious

Dash: Who are you? Thinking you can lay this trip on me about what I can & can't do

Lux: I’m not telling you you can or can’t do anything

Lux: I asked you not to call me babe, which is basic politeness

Dash: nah, you're telling me I don't belong to this place

Dash: questioning how I do like

it's up to you

Lux: I said you don’t live here, and you don’t

Lux: and I’ve never seen you contribute, maybe you were super busy before I got here, then I’ll apologize for that

Dash: you're doing a census, yeah? Hold up [everyone currently who doesn't live her like the petty prince he is]

Dash: I've got family here, they all keep me busy

Lux: Cool? Thanks for telling me who else is a tourist ???

Lux: You’re just being defensive, there’s no need if you’re secure in that and your place here

Dash: quit trying to rattle me

Lux: I’m truly not

Lux: but no, we’re not cool now

Dash: I made it known from the top where I live

Lux: Where you live isn’t the issue

Dash: what's your issue? I'm loved & welcomed here, that's all I said

Lux: That’s nice

Lux: I don’t really want to discuss my issue with you, with you, right now, if that’s okay

Dash: later then

Lux: See you around, Dash

Dash: I can't believe you think I'm a flake, this has me totally unglued, you know

Lux: I don’t feel great about it either

Dash: how can I make you feel less bummed out?

Dash: your tour was the most far out I've ever given

Lux: I don’t think you can, it’s done now

Lux: I just need some time to change what I thought this was, or was gonna be, in my head

Lux: but thanks, for offering

Dash: take your time to 👀 what we can be & how you wanna evolve

Lux: Maybe we can be friends later on

Dash: I’d dig it

Lux: I liked talking to you last night

Dash: I felt more connected to you than I usually do

Lux: I don’t think you’re an awful person, FYI

Lux: I just think you could’ve been clearer, and accept that you hurt me without getting way defensive, you know?

Lux: I can accept you didn’t mean to

Dash: I thought I was being clear

Lux: Yeah, I know

Lux: I’m from a very different background and place, it just didn’t translate well, clearly

Dash: yeah

Lux: but I thought I’d put that across well enough that you got that too

Dash: I do get you, but I can’t 180 myself to fit

Lux: No, I’m not asking you to fit my understanding, it’s fine you don’t

Dash: What are you asking?

Lux: Nothing, honestly, I’m trying to explain why I’m upset

Lux: Just like you can’t 180, I can’t change how I see and feel about it immediately, even if some of the ways I were raised are outdated or potentially bad, you know

Lux: You don’t need to do anything

Lux: From my perspective, it felt like a 180 and hurtful to tell me about hooking up with someone else the morning after

Lux: I know how you think and operate is totally different, but that’s it

Dash: but I wanna do something, to help you

Lux: You are nice…

Lux: I don’t know though, what would help?

Dash: I meant what I said last night about showing you this place, making it feel more like a home, how it is for me

Lux: Maybe you could come back and help with the chores

Lux: I shouldn’t have said you NEVER help out, I’ve not been here long enough to make that observation

Dash: maybe it looks like I don’t, cos with family you take liberties sometimes, that kid who’s naughty at home & don’t say shit at school, comfortable to play up

Lux: I have 8 brothers, I understand 😅

Dash: you can have that too, should

Lux: I did, as much as any of us did

Lux: I was a boy, remember

Dash: with 0 limits though, people trying to control & change what you do is for outside of here, I don’t have to think in my dad’s 🟥🟧🟨🟩🟦🟪⬛️⬜️🟫 way or do what my ma reckons is righteous

Lux: Sounds idyllic, Dash

Dash: it is

Lux: You have to understand my experience of people doing exactly what they want means someone is being exploited or abused for that person’s privilege

Lux: my parents had their utopia at the price of the things we wanted, needed

Dash: that’s why you need this new experience

Lux: Okay

Lux: I do want new experiences

Dash: the farm has the magic to grant you whatever you’re here for, no wish is the wrong size

Lux: You really seem to believe it so I will try too 😊

Dash: I’m about to 🛹⚡️ back if you wanna clean the opposite end or hide from me in the 🍏🌳🍎

Lux: That’s cool

Lux: but thanks for the warning 💗

Dash: don’t let how out of this world you look distract me then

Lux: I so don’t so that won’t be an issue 😌

Dash: It's an accident, huh? I feel you, it must be my fault I can’t look away

Lux: You’re way too smooth for your own good

Lux: but I wouldn’t say that’s a fault, necessarily 🤭

Dash: Hey, I didn’t manifest you into being, even if last night did feel like it had to be cosmically devined somehow

Lux: I felt it too

Lux: no one has ever

Lux: not like that anyway

Dash: you’re like a song I can’t get out of my head, I don’t want it to turn sad

Dash: I’m sorry I got you unglued too

Lux: It’s a lot more complicated than just you

Lux: it’s a whole thing

Dash: You’re gonna find people to share how heavy it is

Lux: 🤞

Dash: they’ll carry you through & even if it’s Amber I won’t let it bug me

Lux: I’m sure that’s a misunderstanding

Lux: I could talk to her? Subtly, of course

Dash: yeah, her misunderstanding me, you’ve got your reasons, she’s not new to any of this

Dash: her problem is she thinks she’s the most & everyone else should think she’s choice no matter what

Lux: Do you think she likes your brother?

Dash: no way, unless she’s got a football obsession now too

Lux: 🧲 maybe

Dash: idk

Lux: Me either

Lux: it just seems a bit crazy otherwise

Dash: he’s as uptight as my da, she’s never gonna get nowhere trying to mess around with him, whatever she’s doing it for

Lux: She won’t have any problem finding someone new

Lux: you said he’s older, right?

Dash: not loads, but he’s gonna be done with school in a sec

Lux: I see

Lux: so you’re the 👶

Dash: til my dad’s new lady puts her demands in

Dash: how many sisters you got to go with your 8 bros?

Lux: you don’t like her at all, huh

Lux: and 5, so they had a tough job being outnumbered

Dash: you heard of a WAG? That’s her whole deal

Dash: whoa, so you had a full time secret sewing job

Lux: yes, we lived in England for a while, that’s how I ended up here

Lux: like a Kardashian, I can see you not having a lot to bond over

Lux: exactly 😂

Dash: you gotta teach me, my nan would be jazzed

Lux: I’d love to!

Lux: there’s a surplus of old clothes to practice on

Dash: still a chore, we get to skip cleaning, yeah?

Lux: Mending isn’t as fun as creating but you’ve got to start somewhere so, I think so 😊

Dash: 😁

Dash: we’ll have a blast cos I gotta start somewhere on earning your forgiveness too

Lux: You’re sweet, Dash

Dash: I’m being for real

Lux: I know you are

Lux: I don’t know what to say though because I’m awkward 😳

Dash: it’s a hands on kinda task & you already know what you’re doing with it, it’ll be me feeling 😳

Lux: No flirting, only crafting

Dash: 🧷📏🧵✂️🧶📍✨

Lux: That’s a very impressive emoji selection

Dash: missing 😍💞🥰💓😘💘 but it’s chill

Lux: Idiot 😏

Dash: 💟 is the compromise

Lux: Okay, that’s adorable

Lux: allowed 🤭

Dash: [show up and take her hand to lead her off to sew, we know you weren’t far away bitch]

Lux: [the way you just melt when he shows, oh gal]

Dash: [I’m upset about it]

Lux: [we know you really like him, for better and worse rn]

Dash: [thank god he does actually like you and it’s not a straight up Drew and Ro situation happening]

Lux: [we can only do that ‘cos they both lowkey suck so we aren’t sad lmao]

Dash: [I like this gal too much to be that evil]

Lux: [it’s drama enough without it being entirely one-sided like no lol]

Dash: [I hope some sewing does take place amidst the blatant flirting because learn a useful skill for once in your life dickhead]

Lux: [we aren’t gonna just roll over immediately ‘cos actually did upset us so you will have to]

Dash: [yay]

Lux: [so that’s probably the vibe for today ‘cos yeah we absolutely won’t even though it’s clear we still like you like that too, so you’ll just have to hang out platonically]

Dash: [it’s gotta be the vibe for a while, sucks to suck boy, but obviously hang out until that girl comes to find you because you clearly do also wanna hang out with her platonically it’s not just like that vine where he breaks the skateboard]

Lux: [a quality vine]

Dash: [do we wanna leave this here?]

Lux: [I think we can]

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senadimell · 4 years ago

Text

Characters I like AKA ‘hurt face’ master post

The characters I like in movies and books are distinctly different. With books, I have all sorts of favorite characters, and I love that I know what they’re thinking. I just love a good deep third or first person.

In contrast to books, there’s just something different about movies. We’re watching actors, and the visual component really dictates how I interact with film. I can get over a bad storyline if the emotional journey I’m watching looks real.

When I’m watching a movie, I will almost always fall for lonely characters played by actors who can clearly express pain and sadness. Bonus points for guilt, insecurity, and a history of rejection. I will like them even if they’re not likable, or kind, or nice, or even good. They are visually compelling. Of course, I’ll love them even more if the backstory actually backs up why they’re in pain, and gives me a reason I shouldn’t dislike them beyond “they emote so pretty.” Experience with high school theatre productions has taught me there’s so much more to anger than volume, and so much more to sadness than tears; I’m in awe of actors who can communicate those emotions with subtlety and/or clarity.

So in real life, most of us aren’t that good at communicating with our faces, are we? For me, anyways, it’s hard to distinguish between tired, angry, or annoyed. When someone’s in pain or hurting, they rarely just look sad. Life’s not like a movie, when a good actor can show you exactly how a character feels without saying anything at all. I’m not so good at telling what people are thinking and often assume that that people are mad (and that they’re mad at me), when in reality I think pain must be more common. Most peole think of actors as imitating real people. I think they have to do more: they have to be expressive, and yet have it come off as genuine, so that we don’t even see the face but the character.

I only just figured out why it was that when Frozen came out, I was obsessed with it. The story itself leaves a lot to be desired, but I was willing to excuse that. My phone was full of pictures of Elsa, but most of them were stills from the movie rather than fan art. I had pictures of almost every face Elsa makes in Let it Go, when she just looks exhilarated and like she can’t believe how happy she feels. I also had every frame from when she hugs frozen Anna (pictured below). It was the first time I’d really seen an animated character visibly express insecurity, loneliness, self-rejection, guilt, and anxiety.*

This whole “visibly expressing negative emotions” thing is also one of the main why I’m obsessed with the first four seasons of Doctor Who. The Time War plot checks off every box, and Eccleston and Tennant are just brilliant about letting that emotion show through.

Same thing goes for musical theatre. With cast recordings, the best is when you can just hear everything they’re saying in the way they sing things. Pretty Funny from Dogfight (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64-HBOsY50s) is just brilliant. Some other favorites: Track Down This Murder/Down Once More from Phantom, Empty Chairs at Empty Tables (see: all of Les Miserables, actually), I’m Not That Girl as well as its reprise and No Good Deed from Wicked, Satisfied and Burn from Hamilton**

There are these characters who are...awful. They have objectively done awful things. I don’t think their actions are excusable. Yet the visual part of my just loves to watch them because they’re in pain and it’s written all over their face. (Loki and Kylo Ren fall into this category for me). I want to make all of these excuses for them, and am not repulsed, and spend all of this time analyzing them because what the actors can do with their faces just sucks me in.

Now that I think about it, this is probably why I hate Elijah Wood’s performance of Frodo. The boy had exactly four faces: happy, sad, sick, and demented

A warning: this is a rough collection of GIFs that don’t all match in shape and format.

I will take the ring to Mordor.

Rose.

In the most loving way possible, David Tennant as the 10th Doctor is rather melodramatic and constantly aggrieved, so I’m going to leave it at these two scenes even though I could probably mine a gifset from almost every episode he appears in post-Rose.

Everything I am dies

Loki:

Massacre your entire species to prove your worth and please your father

It’s just rocks and dust.

There was a war, and we lost.

(I love just about every face Christopher Eccleston makes as the Ninth doctor, but will save that for another post.)

I actually didn’t care one way or the other for Alan Rickman’s Snape until this scene. After watching that, I was moved and reevaluated my whole take on the character. I don’t personally see Snape’s relationship with Lily as romantic like I once did, but I don’t think I would have gone back and evaluated the character as deeply as I did without first watching Rickman in that scene. I’m now firmly in the Snapedom.

Frozen:

Then leave.

AKA Viggo Mortensen breaks a toe.

This jerkface.

Samantha Barks was amazing to watch and hear.

Eddie Redmayne is a gift.

Anne Hathaway was phenomenal.

Les Mis was actually really hard to watch in movie theatres because there were so many closeups of the actors’ faces during intense emotional moments. It was a little overwhelming.

Pearl Mackie is a gift.

Some concluding observations:

This is a very white list. It was also feeling pretty male until I added Doctor Who companions and musicals.

This was harder than I was expecting, emotionally. Here’s some more Bill Potts to lighten things up.

*Actually, one of the reasons I couldn’t stand Anna is because she comes off as completely ignorant when Elsa’s every expression is plainly written all over her face, even though narratively she has every reason to be in the dark. If Elsa wore the regular, confusing expressions most of us wear, Anna wouldn’t come off as so silly. (Also if she would stop talking for a few seconds and listen). If Elsa’s animations weren't so expressive, I probably would cut Anna a lot more slack naturally **After I had the privilege of seeing Hamilton, Quiet Uptown joins this list possibly the best bit of acting I have ever seen without a single word being said. You can’t completely hear it in the recordings, but Eliza’s face goes through about 50 emotions without even opening her mouth moving, and I was sobbing as I watched.

youtube

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