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bigtreefest · 2 days ago

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New Year Coming In

Pairing: Boyfriend! Jake Jensen x Girlfriend! Reader

Summary: You and Jake may have signed up for more than you can handle to start off the new year with a bang.

Word count: 1,514

Content/warnings: MINORS DNI, 18+ ONLY, smut, p in v unprotected sex, creampie, oral sex (f receiving), cum eating, kissing, exhausted sex, aftercare, Jake and his glasses and his hair and his beefy body and his everything

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope you all enjoy this Jakey crackfic that took over my mind at 2am. Please, feel more than welcome to screech with me about it. And a special little thanks to @brandycranby for a line of dialogue.

Comments, reblogs, and asks are especially appreciated!

Dividers by @strangergraphics

Main Masterlist

The idea sounded perfect at first. Jake was happy to indulge you. Heck, it felt amazing for him, too. He got to welcome the new year with a good release, pleasing himself and the woman he loves. But oh man, if he didn’t wish he met you sooner before, this was the one thing that would get him pleading for it to be 2001 all over again, even if he had to relive the awkward years to avoid death by dehydration. Never mind how old the two of you were back then, he would’ve time traveled for it to be that year with you now.

A nice year would’ve been 2004, too. Coming four times in one session was something he could do with his eyes closed. Except he hadn’t, his eyes were peeled open, looking at the bright screen, in the times where he remembered being locked in his dark bedroom with his first laptop. Four times, easy. Really, even ten times, 2010. It would’ve had to have been parsed out over the course of the day, but he could’ve done it without complaint. Except, for the year 2025, the two of you had gotten a late start, not realizing how long and how much 25 rounds would take out of you. The agreement being 25 times, for each of you.

Not that he wanted to complain, but Jake Jensen never thought that he would’ve seen the day where he thought it was too much sex. And yet, here he was nearly drained. He laid on his back, cheeks ruddy, glasses crooked, bleached strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead as he looked up at you with hooded eyes. His pupils were dilated in bodily satisfaction, just barely able to focus on you as you bounced on top of him, chasing your 12th simultaneous orgasm.

The sheets had been discarded long ago to the side, leaving you both exposed to the air in the room that was steadily rising in temperature, the sweat on your bodies lingering.

His fingertips dug into your thighs, sore hips sloppily raising to meet yours. Just enough sensation remained in his dick to feel you begin to clench in closeness as you reached down to rub your clit, tipping yourself over the edge with Jake joining you. His eyes squeezed shut and his chest heaved, nothing coming out of him despite the sensation of overstimulation that had overwhelmed him. In fact, he had shot blanks for the last three orgasms, too.

While you both came down from your highs, puffs of humid air filling the narrow space between your mouths as you leaned down to kiss Jake, he looked up at you, his face a mix of pure exhaustion, lined faintly with dopey satisfaction, but also a little worry. He hummed against your lips, pressing his forehead to yours to get just enough leverage to speak.

“Baby, I don’t think I can get to 25. We’re at 12 and my dick is gonna fall off.”

You giggled, pulling away and placing a hand on Jake’s cheek, thumb brushing back and forth.

“Okay, okay. How about this, what if we just make it 25 total?”

Jake furiously nodded his head, grateful for the reprieve. Between the two of you now, you’d reached 24. He could get you to 25. Hopefully. He knew his body was past halfway to limp, sucked dry, but maybe you weren’t as much of a noodle. Maybe you had one more in you.

Just when he thought he could take a breather, though, the both of you looked over your shoulder at the TV that had been softly playing in the background. In the top corner by the year’s newest pop sensation was a countdown clock to the new year. It had just reached under ten minutes.

Your head snapped back forward and your gaze met your boyfriend’s, the both of you panicking with eyes as wide as saucers. You had to make your deadline and time was dwindling quickly! But Jake swiftly jumped into action, tugging your hips in a gesture to pull you up his body. There was no way he had the time to recover and go another round, but this was dire!

“Use my face. USE MY FACE!” he urged you as he frantically pulled his glasses off and set them on the bedside table. You shuffled forward on your knees, his limp dick sliding out of your puffy entrance, filled with multiple rounds of your combined release. You moved so quickly to hover over his head that it didn’t have time to seep out of you before Jake yanked you down to his mouth with a firm grip by his large hands.

In an instant, his tongue was inside you, laving at your still spasming pussy, drinking down your wetness as his nose nudged your clit, coaxing it back to a stage of readiness. In seconds, he had you whining, grinding your hips against his face, begging for more attention on your sensitive nub. Jake could tell exactly what you needed, moving his mouth upwards, goatee lightly scratching your labia as he did so, and latched on to your clit, tongue working in tandem with the suction he was creating.

As if he still weren’t close enough to you, he used his hands to press on your plush thighs, squeezing you closer to him when he sucked harder. A new wave of arousal flowed through you, confirmed by Jake’s satisfied hum that sent a shockwave out from your core and across your limbs.

Your arms flailed, searching for something to hold onto, one reaching the headboard, the other drifting down into his damp locks. As you fisted his hair, you made brief eye contact with him, a smile on his face evident by the creases at the corner of his bright blue eyes when he reached up and tweaked a nipple towards the end of his focus range. Jake could just barely make out the scene above him, squinting slightly, when you fought throwing your head back in pleasure.

You might have felt like ecstasy was about to make your body implode, but you would’ve held on for just how pretty the sight of your boyfriend was, enjoying this moment underneath you, trying to feed your insatiable appetite for him. You were so zoned in to his every feature that he caught you by surprise when he did that thing with his tongue, guaranteed to make you topple over the edge every time.

You barely caught the image of him winking at you in reassurance that he wanted you to let go as you squeezed your eyes shut and your fists clenched hard, the headboard creaking. Jake let out a groan against your pussy that sent another tingle up your spine, causing you to call out, “Ah, Jake!” when you careened over the cliff once more.

Jake broke the suction of his mouth, gently easing you off of him, his strong arms setting you into the mound of sheets that laid at his side. He had regained just enough life in his legs to jet to the bathroom quickly to clean himself up, returning with a warm, damp towel which he used to tenderly wipe between your legs. He discarded it, tossing it into the hamper as fast as he could.

Jake settled back into bed, slipping his glasses back on and looking at the countdown clock on the television which had just dipped below 30 seconds, as he pulled your naked body on top of his, a sleepy smile filling your face, eyes closed peacefully. You hummed contentedly, finding comfort pressed against his beefy torso as his one arm wrapped around your shoulders, the other hiking your knee up for you to toss your leg over his slim waist. Your head settled on his shoulder, nearly face-to-face with him, just in time for the final countdown.

Both of your gleaming smiles matched each other when the ball dropped and you lifted yourself up to kiss him, lips dancing slowly, reverently. There was no longer a rush. The two of you could just enjoy each other as you rang in the new year with a definite bang.

As you pulled away, gasping for air, you resettled yourself down with your ear right over Jake’s heart, your hand moving to idly rub over his belly as the two of you watched confetti fall over Times Square on the screen.

“Got any resolutions, babe?” you slurred.

Jake blew out a contemplative breath, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as his fingertips teased up and down your arm. He clicked his tongue in thought, “Maybe presenting the suggestion to you that we take the square root of the year and do that many orgasms instead from here on out. That way in 2064, when we’re old and wrinkly, we’ve only gotta do eight. And in 2081, our frail bones can settle for nine.”

You laughed along with his warm chuckle that rumbled his chest and nodded. “Good idea, Jakey.”

Bonus A/N: My life’s dream is to drain Jake’s body like this. Thank you.

Taglist: @hawkeyes-queen @ronearoundblindly @mercurial-chuckles @steviebbboi @thiquefunlover63

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merbear25 · 5 months ago

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🎃 Kinktober 2024 Masterlist 🎃

banner source

Day 1: Impregnation - Ichigo (Bleach)

Day 2: Butt job - Grimmjow (Bleach)

Day 3: Voyeurism - Shanks (One Piece)

Day 4: Toys - poly w/ Sanji & Zoro (One Piece)

Day 5: Face-sitting - Shinji (Bleach)

Day 6: Daddy kink - Isshin (Bleach)

Day 7: Breath play - Kid (One Piece)

Day 8: Humiliation - England (Hetalia)

Day 9: Bondage - Germany (Hetalia)

Day 10: Public sex (car, bus, train, etc.) - Caesar Clown (One Piece)

Day 11: Facial - Rangiku (Bleach)

Day 12: Anonymous sex (glory hole) - Bazz-B (Bleach)

Day 13: Abrasion (scratching, bruising, spanking etc.) - Caesar Clown (One Piece)

Day 14: Hard sex - Crocodile (One Piece)

Day 15: Sensation play (earplugs, blindfolds) - Hongo (One Piece)

Day 16: Mutual masturbation - Caesar Clown (One Piece)

Day 17: Size kink - Nnoitra (Bleach)

Day 18: Sensual massage - Sanji (One Piece)

Day 19: Public sex (cemetery, river bank, alley) - Law (One Piece)

Day 20: Mommy kink - Law (One Piece)

Day 21: Sensation play (ice, wax) - Caesar Clown (One Piece)

Day 22: Pegging/ strap on - poly w/ Rukia & Renji (Bleach)

Day 23: Sleep play - Law (One Piece)

Day 24: Barebacking/ unprotected sex - Aokiji (One Piece)

Day 25: DP - Van Augur & Aokiji (One Piece)

Day 26: Dominatrix - Shunsui (Bleach)

Day 27: Abduction as seduction - Kid (One Piece)

Day 28: Cum dump - Doflamingo (One Piece)

Day 29: Slave-Master - Caesar Clown (One Piece)

Day 30: Knife play - Knives (Trigun)

Day 31: Fear play - Germany (Hetalia)

#kinktober 2024 #kinktober masterlist #one piece x reader #hetalia x reader #trigun x reader #bleach x reader #one piece imagine #bleach imagines #hetalia imagines #vash x reader #wolfwood x reader #one piece smut #trigun smut #bleach smut #hetalia smut

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rebelliousstories · 11 days ago

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‘Twas the Night Before…

25 Days of Ficmas

Relationship: Poly!Lost Boys x Reader

Fandom: The Lost Boys

Request: No

Warnings: Fluff, Mentions of Neglect, Mentions of Weed

Word Count: 1,613

Main Masterlist: Here

Lost Boys Masterlist: Here

Summary: Christmas Eve is finally here, and Laddie is being introduced to a Christmas classic whether the boys like it or not.

Consider Donating: Here

The very firsts of being a vampire stick with you always. Maybe not when you are mortal, but when you are a vampire, you remember a lot of firsts. First kill, first transformation, first hunt. Or maybe you remember your first holidays as a vampire, like your birthday, a new year that comes and goes. This time, it was a first Christmas.

She had only joined the pack about a decade ago in the late 60’s, but that was just the beginning for them. There was a special little spot for her that they never knew was missing, and could never be without again. Which is why, when she found a sickly boy that had been left at the pier in Santa Carla, none of the boys could tell her no.

Getting the boy to take a bit of wine to get healthy again was the easy part. The physical pain was nothing like the mental for the young boy, whom they had come to know as Laddie. As Christmas drew near, she made sure to give him a great one. Taking him to the markets with Dwayne, flying around to see lights with Paul; she just wanted him to have a better Christmas than he was probably used to.

A chilly night on the pier had greeted them when they climbed off their bikes that night. Unwrapping her arms from around Marko’s torso, she pressed a kiss to his cheek as she dismounted. Laddie immediately went off of Dwayne’s bike and grabbed her hand.

“Can we go look at the vendors please?” Laddie was so excited as they waited for the rest of the boys to dismount.

“Of course. Give me one second okay?” She passed the boy back to Dwayne who happily tucked him into his side as he leaned against the railing. Turning back to David, who was right next to Dwayne, her hands spread out around his stomach before wrapping around the back of him as she pressed front against front.

“Yes, kitten?” The bleach blonde drawled, drawing out a cigarette for himself.

“Gonna take Laddie around. We’ll be back in a couple hours, okay? Sunrise is seven tomorrow.” Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to his plush lips as he raised a hand to the back of her head to keep her close.

After a moment, David finally released the woman. “Two hours, then you come back.”

Smiling, she pulled away, giving him another kiss to the tip of his nose. With a smile, she held her hand out for Laddie to take while she threw another kiss to the rest of her boys. Taking the young boy around the vendors that were preparing for their final rush of sales before Christmas tomorrow, she happily stopped at every one that caught his eyes.

They spent the majority of the evening like that. Just walking around and enjoying each other’s company. Still having some money from where she swiped some guys wallet, she was intent on getting at least a little something for Laddie. Almost as if there was a cue for it, their next stall had a bunch of books.

Ranging from novels, to short stories and even children’s picture books. Which is when she saw it. “A Visit from St. Nicholas” by Clement Clarke Moore; it was a classic that she remembered from her own childhood. Snagging it, she paid the dollar for the busted up copy, and kept it tucked underneath her arm.

“Have you ever heard this story, Laddie?” Showing him the book as they began to walk back to where the bikes were, the boy took it in his other hand as they paused briefly. When he got his other hand on it, Laddie turned it around, and tried to read it, but unfortunately could not. He shook his head, which made her smile softly.

“You’ll love it,” she said, taking his hand again as they continued walking. “I used to have this read to me when I was your age. I haven’t been able to n a long time. This’ll bee a treat.”

Once they came upon the bikes, she saw the boys waiting for them almost as if they had not moved yet. But the mussed hair, and shaggy clothes showed that they had at least probably gotten into a fight with the surf nazis.

Marko came up to her as Laddie ran to Dwayne again. “Whatcha got there, bela?”

Giving her a kiss, he took the book from her hand as he read the cover. All he did was arch an eyebrow as he returned it. Paul was next, but he did not care about getting the book. All he wanted was another kiss.

“Boys, let the kitten up. Let’s go for a ride.” David stated, stubbing out his current cigarette. Holding a hand out for their girlfriend, she tucked the book into the storage that was underneath the seat on his bike, before finally hoping on.

Taking off down the beach, it was the same old, same old. Whooping and hollering. Screaming and laughing. The boys constantly going faster and fast as they dug into the sand below. Each time they did this, she felt alive once more. Like she could feel her heart beating again, and her own blood rushing through her veins.

Climbing down into the cave, the book was back in her hands as she let David guide her down into their domain. Everyone went to their normal spots; Marko to his pigeons, Paul to roll some weed, Dwayne and Laddie to their cove, and David to his chair. Leaving her to sit down with her book at the edge of the fountain.

“Hey, Laddie,” she called, waving the book. In an instant, the boy rushed over which greatly confused everyone in the cave. He tucked into her side as she raised her arm and showed him the cover once more.

“Whatcha got there, princess?” Dwayne was curious as to why the young boy was not with him anymore.

“‘A Visit from St. Nicholas’, or more commonly referred to as ‘The Night before Christmas’. I used to read it every Christmas Eve with my family, so I thought I’d continue the tradition with Laddie. Wanna join?” A little bit slower, but with the same enthusiasm, Dwayne snuggled into the other side of his girlfriend.

“Alright,” she began, “‘A Visit from St. Nicholas’ by Clement Clarke Moore. ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.”

“Is that ‘The Night before Christmas?’” Marko pipped up, coming back into the cave when he heard her speak.

All she did was pat her legs for him to come rest at, as her sides were taken. As Marko settled in, she started again. “The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas would soon be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds; while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.”

“The hell is a sugar plum?” This time, Paul joined the party.

“It’s a confection from the Victorian era. Come here.” Now, the spot in front of Laddie was taken by the second blonde vampire. Looking over at David, who quickly looked away, she smiled over at him.

“Wanna come join us, sweetie?” David shook his head.

“I don’t do festive.” Rolling her eyes, she felt Dwayne’s lips press to her cheek.

“Don’t mind him. Continue?” He asked so sweetly.

“And mama in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.” She continued the poem.

While she read, occasionally her eyes would cut over to David. And each time she did, he would hide it by turning away faster than lightning. But she just continued reading. The rest of her pack was enjoying the story and that was all that mattered. Reaching the end, she noticed Laddie’s eyes growing heavier and heavier.

“But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight- ‘Happy Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.’” As soon as the last word was uttered, gently, she shut the book as she scooped Laddie up to go into their nest.

Giving all of her boys a kiss goodnight, even David, she happily tucked herself in to go to sleep with the young man. His head was resting on her chest as he slept, making her cherish this moment. For a while, she could hear the rest of the cave mess about and do whatever it was that they wanted to. In the meantime, she just picked up another book she had on her side of the bed, and read some more while Laddie slept.

Each one of her boys came to say goodnight one final time, giving her another kiss as they quietly uttered their departures. David was the last one to come around, but he looked rather nervous standing at the edge of the bed in the nest. However, she did not say anything for fear of scaring him off.

Wordlessly, he took off his boots and laid down right next to her. In his hands was the book she had read earlier. Not able to look her in the eye, David just handed it to her as she dropped her other book.

“Will you read it to me? Please, kitten,” and when he asked so sweetly and softly, there was no way she could deny him. Allowing him to get comfortable, she opened the book to the first page for the second time that night.

“‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house…”

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numbingbone · 24 days ago

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1. Would you be insulted getting invited to a 'Girls night's?

2. Have you ever been catfished?

3. What would happen if you found out I was a catfish?

4. Would you ever name your child the same name as a friend or family member?

5. Favorite Fish?

6. Which is better someone getting you a snack unasked or getting your favorite snack, but you had to ask for it?

7. Least favorite color? (And no generic (Yellow, blue, etc give exact name)

8. Do you run or walk in the rain (to get in shelter)?

9. Would you rather walk in wet socks or wet shoes?

10. Any odd Food combos you enjoy?

11. Thoughts on Pineapple on pizza?

12. Current favorite song?

13. Would you ever go camping alone 2 miles deep into a forest? (phone works, but no one else around, and active wildlife)

14. Which is scarier space, or the ocean?

15. Favorite horror villain?

16. Favorite craft?

17. Biggest turn off, when trying to make friends?

18. Planes, Traines, or Automobiles?

19. Would you ever bleach your eyebrows?

20. Would you ever foster an exotic animal?

21. Favorite color to wear?

22. Have you ever found a kitten in the wild?

23. Favorite Frog?

24. Favorite Chip flavor?

25. Would you rather have your nose or eyebrow licked?

26. Post hand pic

27. Favorite Urban Legend?

28. Have you ever been thrown a surprise party?

29. Draw a fox <3

30. What's your favorite shark?

31. Are socks a good gift?

32. Do you do something special for holiday? (Like cookies for Santa, or Carving Pumpkins)

33. Worst Movie, Highly Suggested. (Bring the whole friend group down.

34. Biggest Turn off?

35. A trait you look for in a partner?

36. Best Vampire Teeth?

34. Do vanquilatism dummies scare you?

35. How tall do you wish you were?

36. If you had a Genie, would you wish their freedom?

37. A movie that scared you?

38. Favorite Dinosaur?

39. If you had to plan an expensive dinner, what are you making? (Your date is with Gorden Ramsey) (Good Luck)

40. If you have to remove either your big toe or your right ear, which one you losing?

41. Which is more relaxing, a hot bath, you laying in bed with a thunderstorm outside?

42. Would you rather swim in a lake with Candirú (Fish that swim up your urethra) or in the ocean with a Goblin Shark within view?

43. Do you believe in life after love?

44. If you have 30 seconds to talk to your pet and they understood you, what would you tell/ask them?

45. What's you're favorite salad dressing?

46. Worst pick up line you can think of?

47. You have 2 days before a zombie outbreak (and your the only person who knows) what do you do / how do you prepare?

48. One older movie (20+ old) do you still want a sequel to?

49. Best movie / game soundtrack?

50. If you had one wish, but could only use it on a stranger who you will never meet, what do you wish for? (Might be a baby, might be someone who puts Jason Voorhees to shame)

51. What's something someone said that has impacted your life for the worst?

52. What's something on you Bucket List?

53. If you had to either jump from a plane with a parachute or go deep diving in a submarine, which you choosing?

54. What's a gift you really want for Christmas/ birthday?

55. Do you pick up pennies from the ground?

56. Do you still have your wisdom teeth?

57. Did you ever believe in something stupid? (like eating a watermelon seed, will make a watermelon grow in your stomach)

58. Do you still celebrate your birthday?

59. What's a good life hack you know?

60. You have 3 edible toppings to make the worst pizza imaginable, what are they?

61. A show that was cancelled that you want back?

62. What's a movie where you liked the sequel better?

63. Favorite pokemon?

64. How do you like your eggs cooked?

65. Every single person you know has been poisoned and the only cure was implanted in your eye, the only way to get the cure is to remove your eye within the next 5 mins, your the only one who knows, what do you do?

66. Have you ever seen the end of a rainbow?

67. Favorite Disney princess and why?

68. What's your favorite meatloaf recipe?

69. What's a quirk you have?

70. Between, century egg, balut or pickled eggs, which are you trying?

71. Would you swim in the ocean at night, with the moon being the only light?

72. Do you pick the same toothbrush color Everytime you need a new one?

73. Have you ever met a predator in the wild? (Bob cat, shark, wolf etc)

74. Have you ever played true or dare irl?

75. Were you ever pressured into trying cigarettes/ alcohol/ drugs?

76. Current favorite candy?

77. Thoughts on canned spam?

78. Your a super hero and your abilities are flying, telekinesis, and sometimes your opponents just set on fire, but your not sure that's a you thing. The problem is your weakness is, you were born with glass bones and paper skin. How do you hide this / fight?

79. Are you scared of any animals?

80. Between only able to jumping instead of walking or having to walk like you can't bend your knees, what are you choosing? (Knees works, and you can use cars)

81. Which is scarier, waking up from a coma and 10 years passed or, every 24 hours your memory resets (and one day your old but don't remember your youth or recognizing your family)

82. You have $5,000 to plan the perfect date, what are you doing?

83. What deodorant do you use?

84. Describe a movie only using emojis.

85. Make up a lie about your pet.

86. Do you have a celebrity look like?

87. Worst cheese you've tried?

88. Have you ever ridden a horse?

89. Post a cool Sword pic

90. Do you have any hobbies?

91. What's a skill you wish you had (but couldn't learn (like being a contortionist)

92. Whose your favorite character from -insert movie/ show/ game/ book- ?

93. Post a random picture from your gallery

94. I dare you to eat an entire spoon full of your favorite condiment. With proof

95. Are you an organ donor, if not, why?

96. What's the hardest food you know how to cook?

97. You get one ocean creature as a pet, which one you choosing?

98. AHHH it's the zombie apocalypse! They can't run, but you only need to touch someone infected to become infected yourself. Before you is an ocean full of limbs, and the ground covered in an ooz, how do you survive?

99. Is there any common food that you won't eat?

100. What's your favorite urban legend?

101. You've been hired as one of Cruellas henchmen, how are you seducing her?

102. Have you ever had a near death experience?

103. You have to wear a hat for a full year, you have to sleep in it you're only able to take it off when bathing. Which hat you choosing?

104. Pick a hat for the person who sent this to you, same rules, 1 full year, only able to take off to bath

105. Do you play any games? Computer/ console/ board games?

106. Go outside a find a rock and take a picture and post it.

107. Summarize a movie in 10 words of less.

108. How do you eat Oreos?

109. Did your parents keep your baby teeth?

110. Have you ever seen a Seahorse IRL?

111. Have you ever been to an adults Halloween party? Did you dress up?

112, if you have an hour to make a cosplay, which character are you choosing?

113. Do you believe in karma?

114. Favorite frog?

115. Do you like roller coasters?

116. have you ever slipped on a banana peel before? As a kid I thought it was a common occurrence.

117. Do you have a name already picked for your next pet?

118. Did you have a magic (magician) phase as a kid?

119. What type of hobbies did you have as a kid?

120. Have you ever worn too different shoes before?

121. What's a scary movie that still scares you?

122. Do you kill any bugs, or release them outside?

123. Describe your personality in 5 words.

124. Are you bad at math?

125. If you could bring any mythical creature alive, which one and why?

126. So you prefer phone calls or texting?

127. Describe how hitting your funny bone feels.

128. Your work is throwing a potluck and your invited! What food are you bringing?

129. Would you ever dyed your eggs green, so you could have green eggs and ham?

130. Write anon/ sender a handwritten note 💚

131. Have you ever tried a jack fruit?

132. What's something you want for your birthday/ Christmas?

133. Have you ever foraged your own food?

134. Have you ever dyed your hair and unnatural color? Which color?

135. You've been invited to a Halloween party and the theme is to dress up as your first fictional character, who you going as?

136. Do you know how to dance?

137. Drop a food receipt that your most proud of/ enjoy.

138. Ahhhh! You've been tricked and we're given a cursed object. What is it, and what's it curse?

139. Do you know how to change your vehicles oil?

140. What's a phrase you quote often, and what's it from?

141. Have you ever had a bowl hair cut?

142. Current favorite dessert?

143. What's your favorite spice?

144. Tag 3 people you want to reblog so you can ask them some of these questions.

145. Have you ever been thrown a surprise party?

146. Go to urban dictionary.com and click random, what did you get and what's it meaning?

147. The person who sent you this wants you to pick them a new icon that will have to keep for 24 hours. Do your worst 😈

148. Post a video / audio of you saying a tongue twister 🥺

149. As a kid did you ever get ice cream from a ice cream truck?

150. Any new movies coming out that you want to watch?

151. Would you ever take a glass blowing class?

152. Do you have any IRL stories that sound fake / made up?

153. Do you allow your pets on your beds/ couches?

154. What's something you want people to know about you?

155. How often do you have nightmares?

156. Would you ever try a bug lollipop?

157. Is there a movie you watch every Christmas / Halloween?

158. What's a movie/ show / game you would change the ending of?

159. Is there a chore you like doing? (Cooking/ cleaning/ walking the dog etc)

160. You've been invited to a white elephant party, you have to get anon/ sender a present, what you getting them?

161. Have you ever been stung by a bee/ wasp?

162. Was there any tv shows / movies you weren't allowed to watch as a kid?

163. Have you ever had you picture professionally taken?

164. Do you dress your pets up for Halloween?

165. Pick a nickname for sender 😁

166. A movie / show you think is too hyped up?

167. If you see someone with car trouble, do you stop and help?

168. Describe your shower curtain 🚿

169. Sweet.

#personalthings #Youtube #tumblr asks #tumblr questions #anonymous #ask game

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kiestrokes · 28 days ago

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Day 5 & 6: Bad Friend | NSFW

▸ Idol: Yoon Jeonghan of SVT | Park Chanyeol of EXO ▸ Rating: NSFW. Mature (18+) Minors DNI. ▸ Genre: hard hour, smut, friends to ??? ▸ Vibe: Your bad boy best friend is tired of watching other men play with you...incorrectly. ▸ Warnings: language probably.

Sexually Explicit Content: kissing, illusions to sex, fondling, oral (female receiving) idk its smut without the details nothing too crazy.

🗝️ Note: Has not beta-ed by me or anyone else. Sorry its late work is still sooo insane.

Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction; I do not own any of the idols depicted below.

「 25 Hours: Hard, Soft and WIP-mas Masterlist 」

Yoon Jeonghan

Best friend Hannie, that has a motorcycle, pretty earrings, that's always giving you those bedrooms eyes, listening to you complain about situationship after situationship, until you’re heartbroken one night, sniffling and he can't take it anymore, watching these pathetic excuses of men yanking you around, wiping tears from your face with his thumb, before pressing the damp pad to your lips, raising his eyebrows in an unspoken question, you nod and his lips are on yours, fingers clutching at the lapels of his leather jacket, his tongue twisting with yours in ways no other guy has taken the time to do, his pretty fingers squeezing your soft parts, deep grunts of appreciation hummed into the cavern of your throat, Jeonghan is all too happy to put you in your rightful place aka folded under him screaming his name as an orgasm rolls over the both of you.

Park Chanyeol

Chanyeol slams the door to his G-Wagen, as you sit quietly in the passenger seat, the two of you out for a simple chicken and beer Friday night dinner when you caught your boyfriend on a date with this ex, Chanyeol drives the two of you away from the scene, stopping briefly to retrieve snacks and drinks at a 7-11, then carting you off to his apartment, where the two of you sit watching tv in silence, drinking and eating and discussing all the horrible things about your ex, you slip up saying he never got you off, causing Chanyeol to choke on his beer mid sip, his eyes change as they take you in, he asks if any guy has gotten you off, you shrug and shake your head no, Chanyeol groans, and you laugh at his distress, he tugs you into his lap informing you this is not a laughing matter, you sober as he asks if he could give it a try, tucking an errant strand of hair behind your ear, you give him a nod and he grins devilishly, before laying you down on the plush carpet to strip your bottoms off, set on making you come as many times as you can stand on his tongue, grunting each time your hands tug at his bleached strands, biceps flexing under your thighs, holding your legs open, until the only thing you're crying about is his name.

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sashi-ya · 5 months ago

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エロチックトバ- prompt list

Erochikkutoba" is my 「kinktober 24」 event, please refer to this kink list to request.

remember the rules: ‣ characters from One Piece, Bleach and Kaiju no. 8 ‣ chose 1 day from the LIST and send your request: Include in your message gender of reader, character, any other kink you want me to include. ‣ please be polite. minors are not allowed. ‣ if you want to be tagged, please join my tag lists

kink list

day 1: Impregnation aizen day 2: God/ Bankai / Monster form soshiro day 3: Step-cest Ace day 4: Spanking Aizen day 5: Daddy/mommy kink Ichigo day 6: Biting ichiji day 7: Anal law day 8: Barebacking / unprotected sex law day 9: Creampie sabo day 10: Feminization sanji day 11: Humiliation aizen day 12: Lactation byakuya day 13: Face sitting kidd day 14: Hard sex kafka day 15: Rimming sabo day 16: CNC hoshina/narumi day 17: Threesome / orgy aizen & gin day 18: Slave/master shanks day 19: Shower/onsen/pool/sea sex soshiro day 20: Toys shinji day 21: Knife play (swords, knives) soshiro day 22: Watersports / omorashi byakuya day 23: Size kink ace day 24: Public sex renji/grimmjow day 25: DP jugram & bazz b day 26: Pegging / strap on mihawk day 27: Car/bus/airplane/etc sex Jugram day 28: Bondage/shibari law day 29: Cum dump sabo day 30: Sleep play (precon) grimmjow/ichigo day 31: Fear play tsukishima

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gallusrostromegalus · 9 months ago

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How old's everyone by the time canon bleach rolls around?

Well that's an interesting question that I have devoted way too much thought to.

Most people in soul society age at the normal pace of one year per year, so they only have One Age, but even a tiny excess of spiritual energy can make some age much slower, and in Seireitei, which is full of Spiritually Potent People, most people have two ages- Calendar and Living Age. Calendar is how many years someone has existed, Living is approximately what developmental age they're at. Most Shinigami age at about one year for every 2-5 Lived, with average "died of natural causes and not in the line of duty" lifespans coming to 200-400 years. Power Level has a HEAVY Inverse correlation to aging, but once you hit the power levels associated with Seated officers and captains, things get Weird. Also fatal. Very few captains have died of Natural Causes.

But re: Everyone's ages in June 2000, when the series starts under the cut:

Karakura Gang:

The Kids are not dead yet, so not Subject to the extended lifepsans yet, but I did age everyone up a bit- Ichigo and his Human Friends are all Juniors in High school- age 17... ish.

Ichigo's 18th birthday occurs a couple weeks after he meets Rukia. He was held back from starting Kindergarten for a year because he was too short to reach the drinking fountains.

Chad was tall and his parents were both working full time so his mom persuaded his school to let him in early, so Chad only had his 17th birthday the month before he meets Rukia.

Kon: CA: 132 (9 years in his body) LA: 3, but in cat years, so really more like 22 in human years. An grad student in charge of a pack of teenagers.

Rukia: A Member of the Karakura Gang by association (i.e. my staging notes), Rukia is CA: 73 and LA: 20. She and Renji entered the academy when they were CA:25 and LA: 16. Like many high-powered shinigami, her rate of aging is slowing as she accumulates power, so she will likely live to see at least 500 (unless something happens)

Renji: See: Rukia. Rukia is eight months older than Renji and NEVER lets him forget it.

Kisuke Urahara: CA: 328 LA: 32.4545454545- Urahara is aging at one year for every 11 lived which pleases him because at least once a century his ages will line up and he'll have a straight shot of numbers and that's CLEARLY an excuse to have a MEGA birthday party and give him extra presents! He'll be 333 AND 33 in 2005, so Ichigo should start planning his surprise party!

Yoruichi Shihoin: CA: 329 LA: 28 Yoruichi is 365 days older than Kisuke (He was born in 1672) a leap year) and NEVER lets him forget it.

Isshin Shiba: CA: UUUH- LA: UUUUUUUH- Isshin Shiba was born to the Shiba Clan in 1846, was 154 when he vanished in 1980, appears to be in his mid-forties now, and can only actually REMEMBER the last 20 years of his life with any Clarity. The battle with White left his soul so damaged that when he fused with Masaki, he lost all his spiritual powers and forgot damn near everything- he remembers his given name, the name and face of Kaien Shiba but not how he knows him, that shinigami and hollows exist... but when he overheard Ryuken Ishida lying to the hospital staff that this was his friend from medical school who had been in a terrible car accident, he believed him, and assumed he WAS a doctor that had been in a terrible accident. Masaki was just as frightened of the Shinigami coming after the Quincy. While she could keep her relatives at bay, she couldn't fool the shinigami, so she asked the others to make sure Isshin never tried to return to spirit world... and they went along with it. As far as Isshin knows, Urahara was a guy he worked for as a teenager who helped him set up shop as a doctor after the accident. Yoruichi really is someone he used to be on the intramural volleyball team with back in college. Shinji is some guy who knew his parents, and decided to stay a friend of the family even after after they died in the accident. He and Masaki were married in a beautiful ceremony some weeks ago... Shame they lost all the pictures... Ichigo's promotion to Substitute Shinigami and the confrontation about "You used to be a CAPTAIN?? Why didn't you warn me and the twins about anything???" is one HELL of a shock for him.

Soul Society:

Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto: CA: 2,146 LA: 75 He was enjoying a Long Prime Middle Age until his Divorce in 1196, at which point he went bald, went gray and lost a significant amount of his muscle mass in under a decade, and has looked like an Old Man since.

Chojiro Sasakibe: CA: 1,358 LA: 66 (debated). Chojiro was barely 100 years old when he turned up at Yamamoto's Post Officer Self-Defense Dojo and refused to leave. His Lived Age is a secret known only to Unohana- the debate rages because Sasakibe was born with his Silver Fox hair, and with that removed, shows very little signs of aging. He insists he "-Just keep myself very well." and refuses to elaborate. He has a standing agreement with the SWA that his LA over various years may be revealed after he dies, so they may let people lay bets, on the condition that they give him a percentage when laid to support his Black Tea Habit.

---

Soi Fon: CA: 201 LA: 29 Soi Fon has genetically terrific skin and if her mother is any indication, she'll look like a twentysomething until she hits menopause. THEN she'll look like a Silver Fox.

Marechiyo Omaeda: CA: 102 LA: 24 Omaeda has only been Lieutenant for 14 years, taking over the position early after his father (the previous 2nd Division lieutenant) had an extremely unexpected stroke. He's recovering well, but doesn't want to return because he's so proud of Marechiyo.

---

Ichimaru Gin: CA:DEBATABLE, but at least 357 LA: 21 Gin has several days that *could* count as his "Birthday" but he's existed in his current body for as long as Rangiku has known him.

Rojuro "Rose" Otoribashi: CA: 312 LA: 37 Rose was promoted to captain a bare 2 years ago when TBTP happens, and is considered Young for a captain. In terms of Living Age, he's one of the oldest Visored.

Izuru Kira: CA: 89 LA: 23 He was a bit older than Rukia and Renji in CA and LA when he entered the Academy. He could have entered sooner but he was the sole caregiver for both his parents, who died premature deaths of chronic illnesses.

---

Retsu Unohana: CA: 804 LA: "As old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth." According to the official records, Retsu Unohana enrolled in Shin'o Academy in 1198, and when asked her age, said "I became as I am last year" Which the intake officer interpreted to mean that she died and appeared as an adult in Spirit World in 1197, and she has absolutely failed to correct that misconception. Or update the public records regarding her age.

Yachiru Unohana: CA 1,497 LA: 37 To her credit, Unohana DID die when she was 17 and appeared in the afterlife at the age she died at. Then she barely aged by the time Yamamoto recruited her in 998. She served as Kenpachi of the 11th Divisison for 199 years, until her battle with an as-yet-unnamed young man in 1197. Shortly after her 200th year as Kenpachi passed, she came to terms with the fact she was no longer the fighter she was, and fell in battle to her lieutenant. With that, "Yachiru" Unohana died, and the following day she enrolled in the academy under the name Retsu to study medicine.

Isane Koetetsu: CA: 282 LA: 28 Isane and her sister Kiyone are unusual for Shinigami in that the Koetesu clan has some of the slowest-aging shinigami in it, and the slowed aging STARTS as infants. Isane couldn't even enroll in Shin'o Academy until her 100th birthday, and even then she needed special dispensation to let what was functionally a 10-year old take college classes.

Hanataro Yamada: CA: 141 LA: 23 Hanataro is the younger brother of Former 4th div Lieutenant Seinosuke Yamada, who now runs the Seireitei Medical Center i.e. The Rich Bitch Hospital. Hanataro entered the academy at a very young age like Isane and graduated with honors, but people tend to compare him to his more accomplished older brother, which both of them think is Unfair seeing as Seinosuke is a whole 112 years older than him. Hanatarou started in the 4th division at the tender age of 42/14, and some of the other medics decided to prank the lieutenant's baby brother by sending him to do the initial medical checkup of newly-appointed 11th division captain Zaraki. When he failed to return for six hours, Seinosuke went into a panicked rage and ran to the 11th, ready to make Zaraki the shortest-serving captain ever if need be, only to discover Hanataro patiently vaccinating and enthusiastic Zaraki for EVERYTHING, a process that was taking a while because Zaraki's spiritual pressure kept breaking the needles. Hanataro has been the 11th Division Pocket Medic ever since, to the detriment of Seinosuke's blood pressure. Zaraki encouraged his interest in Toxicology by bringing him dozens of venomous snakes to milk while on field expeditions, also much to the detriment of Seinosuke's blood pressure.

---

Sosuke Aizen: CA: 432 LA: 47 Aizen was born an identical twin, but was the only brother to inherit any spiritual powers. The boy's mother was caught and killed by an enraged shopkeep stealing food to feed a half-starving Sosuke when they were young children. The boys managed to get jobs in another city working at a candy store, and did so well that the owner left the store to them when he retired. Sosuke's marketing talents and Sosato's culinary skills made "My Brother's Candy" a wild success, and soon they were opening franchise stores, and became popular minor celebrities in their district. Sosuke even married and had children- and grand children, and was an active member of his district government and merchants council, personally opening up several schools and water treatment facilities. Then, shortly after he and Sosato celebrated their 88th birthday, tragedy struck. There was a massive flood that lead to a massive crop failure that lead to a massive disease outbreak, which lead to major political upheaval, which lead to Sosuke and his brother having to flee their home. Unfortunately, Sosato dearly loved his brother, and when the hail of arrows came down on them from the soldiers pursing the civilians, Sosato decided that he was near the end of his life anyway, while Sosuke- still functionally in his 20's- had so much to live for, and put himself between his brother and the onslaught. And so Sosuke Aizen went from Revered Councilor, Celebrated Candymaker, beloved Great-grandfather and Twin to an Exile and the sole survivor of his name. He joined the Shinigami, determined to make the Soul Society a better place where what happened to him would never happen again- only to discover that he was at the mercy of a corrupt and incompetent government, and worse, an apparently uncaring God. Until one night when he had a dream- all the pieces of his study of Kido came together and he realized there WAS a way to fix all this- He just had to become God. With that, Gin slithered away into the night and deep into the far districts, so he could assume a human form and forge an identity Aizen wouldn't question when they met back up again.

Shinji Hirako: CA: 412 LA: 31 Shinji genuinely thought he could get away with impersonating a high schooler to spy on Ichigo- after all, he still looked like he was what, 22? With the right clothes and some recent slang- "Why is there some creepy old guy wearing the school uniform?" Ichigo asks his friends the second he sees Shinji. "He looks like some kind of weird hipster who's trying to relive his youth." Sighs Mizurio. "-Or a really deluded pervert who thinks he can sneak into the locker room." says Tatsuki, cracking her knuckles. "He doesn't look THAT old-" Keigo protests, and there is the briefest glimmer of hope for Shinji's Ego. "-Maybe he's some kind of super-senior who got held back a bunch because he's dumb as a brick." Shinji crumples to the ground, defeated by the direct hits to his insecurities.

Hinamori Momo: CA: 66 LA: 26 Momo has an extreme case of babyface but is secretly ripped under her uniform and well on her way to MILFdom from the waist down. The first time Hiyori sees her in shorts is a psychological and spiritual awakening.

Hiyori Sarugaki: CA: 126 LA: 20 Hiyori is the youngest Living Age and slowest-aging visored. She gets mad about her youthful appearance but also uses it to get children's discounts at theme parks.

---

Byakuya Kuchiki: CA: 181 LA: 26 Byakuya was married quite young, and Widowed soon after. He's still in his prime, and exceptionally hale for a Kuchiki- Despite the exceptional spiritual power of the clan, the centuries of inbreeding have given them severe health issues and very short lifespans for their power. Byakuya's grandfather Ginrei only lived to 486, and his father Sojun died at 200 from Hemophillia. Byakuya is still working up the nerve to tell Rukia that she will likely outlive him by a considerable margin, and the fact that Rukia hasn't got a nibling to spoil was His medical problem, not Hisana's.

---

Sajin Komamura: CA: 712 LA: 22 Komamura is somehow both Older AND Younger than everyone thinks he is, and that's not even getting into the "Wait, is that in human years or wolf years?" Debacle. When Yamamoto met Sajin for the first time in the 1400's he was extremely impressed with the giant warriors skill and courage, and before Sajin had a chance to greet him properly, asked the warrior to join his Academy. "I- I'm really old but I'm actually eight." came the voice of a small boy from behind the helmet and Yamamoto had to go stand with his face pressed into the wall for a minute.

Love Aikawa: CA:345 LA:33 Love Aikawa is one of the few shinigami who came into his spiritual powers so fast that he did NOT have a creer before becoming a Shinigami.

Tetsuzaemon Iba: CA: 154 LA: 30 Testsuzaemon was still a small boy when Komamura was appointed to the third seat of the first division, and got to know his mother Chikane Iba. Chikane worked extremely hard, but held Yamamoto in high regard, and Komamura in similar regard by extension. So now Tetsuzaemon is lieutenant to a man he still secretly thinks of as his "Favorite Babysitter".

---

Shunsui Kyoraku: CA: 856 LA: 48 Shunsui was forced to join the academy before his 100th birthday by his noble family because they had not actually planned on actually having a third son survive to adulthood and didn't really know what to do with him. Both Shunsui and Ukitake are old enough to remember when Unohana was still Yachiru, and Shut The Fuck Up about that fact.

Nanao Ise: CA: 141 LA: 28 When she first arrives in Seireitei, Yachiru Kusajishi is LA Eight, and quickly makes friends with Nanao, who is the other little girl close to her age with spiritual powers: "You're my baby sister now, but you'll be my Big sister sooner than later." Yachiru explained. "What do you mean?" Nanao blinked at her. "You're what, Living Age Seven, right?" Yachiru asked, squinting at her. "Yeah, but I'm really Forty-One!" Nanao insisted. It bothered her when people refused to take her seriously because of her age. "Right. I'm like Living Age Eight, so I'm your big sister. But I'm actually Four hundred and six." "…What?" Nanao gaped. "but, but that means you must be aging at…" She frowned, trying to do long division in her head. "-I age about one year for every fifty lived, yeah." "You- oh god." Nanao realized. "You outlive everyone you know." "Not everyone! Ken-chan and I are both aging at the same pace." Yachiru explained, wobbling a bit as she walked the log over the creek. "I guess I'm lucky- there aren't that many of us who age this slow so most of us don't have anybody who's really a 'life-long' companion, and I might be only one with a parent that's got a similar lifespan!" She grinned. "I age at about one for five, so in- ...in less than ten years I'll be older than you." Nanao hummed with concern. "Yep! But until then, you have to do everything your Big Sister says!" Yachiru grinned.

Lisa Yadomaru: CA: 427 LA: 36 Even though they're not REMOTELY related, Lisa bonded very strongly to Nanao when she was Shunsui's lieutenant. This causes some dispute with Yachiru when she returns to Soul Society because according to yachiru, Nanao is her Little Big Sister, owing to the difference in CA, to therefore Lisa is her Big-Big Little Sister, and Lisa thinks she doesn't have to support Yachiru's Candy Habit.

---

Kaname Tousen: Calendar age: 499 LA: 32 After the events of the Winter War, during which Kaname turned 500, Kaname disputes that he is only 350, because he spent the last 150 years under Aizen's Curse and "-You call that living?" Everyone (except Sajin) regularly forgets when Kaname's birthday is because he doesn't celebrate it- it was also his sister Kakiyo's birthday and he hasn't really felt like 'celebrating' since she was murdered, and Ichigo is the first person to REALLY understand his feelings on the matter, his own mother dyind so close to his birthday and how visiting her Memorial wasn't exactly a celebration, but it wasn't exactly mourning either.

Shuuhei Hisagi: CA:119 LA: 27 Renji entered the Academy the year Shuuhei was due to Graduate and still thinks of Shuuhei as his "Senpai". Shuuhei entered the academy the same year Rangiku was due to graduate, and still thinks of her as his "Senpai". Renji once called Rangiku his "Grand-Senpai" She and Shuuhei both beat him with shoes about it.

Kensei Muguruma: CA:469 LA: 29 Kensei supports Kaname's declaration that he's only 350 because finding out Kaname is older than him brings up all the insecurities Kensei developed from being the MUCH younger brother to five sisters, and he can't handle being "The Baby" again.

Mashiro Kuna: CA: 506 LA: 25 It took 47 rounds of Janken with Yachiru for Mashiro to finally be the first to get to three victories and declare herself The Biggest Sister. She also saw Kensei's meltdown about Kaname being older than him and is quietly holding onto the fact she's older than both of them until the moment it will cause her beloved captain the maximum amount of Psychological Damage.

---

Rangiku Matsumoto: CA: 357 LA: 29 Rangiku measures her Calendar Age from the date she appeared in Soul Society at age 14, which is an accepted practice, but sometimes people want to add their years in the living world as well. Rangiku supports Kaname's claim to be 350 because they let HER knock 14 years off her CA for an even more arbitrary reason, and also it means she doesn't have to get him a belated 500th Birthday gift for another 150 years.

Toshiro Hitsugaya: CA: 60 LA: 12 Hitsugaya is FAR AND AWAY the youngest Shinigami to achieve a seated officer's position by any age, and this was 100% done as a political maneuver by Yamamoto. Hitsugaya is no Slouch- he graduated salutatorian of his class and is the youngest person ever to achieve Bankai, but Yamamoto slapped him into the lieutenant's position 20 years ago (Hitsugaya graduated within weeks of Isshin Shiba's Disappearance) SPECIFICALLY to put Rangiku between him and any unscrupulous noble houses looking to forcibly adopt him/marry him to a spare heir/straight-up kidnap Hitsugaya to prop up their failing genetic lines. One of the clans tried it anyway and the resulting smoking crater where the clan compound used to be put the fear of Haineko into everyone and has so far discouraged further attempts.

---

Kenpachi Zaraki: CA: 1,477* LA: 42 Like Gin, Zaraki has several dates that could count as the start of his existence, but when asked how old he was at the first moon-viewing party he went to- "...How d'ya guys measure that?" Zaraki asked, studying Shunsui with his good eye in a way that made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. "Uh- well, for most people, it's when you were Born in Soul Society, but if you died and appeared here it's the day you first existed in Soul Society." he explained, feeling like he was missing an important dimension to the question. "Oh! In that case I'm- wait, shit. What day is it today?" "It's November 18th." Unohana smiled. "Ah, fuck! With all the chaos I forgot-!" Zaraki laughed. "Turned 1,377 last Monday." The assembled Shinigami all stared blanky, save for Unohana, who appeared to be trying to not laugh into her cup. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure I heard that correctly..?" Jushiro asked, entirely sure he had. "One Thousand Three Hundred Seventy-Seven." Zaraki repeated slowly, grin cracking across his face. "-Can't say I've done as good a job lookin' after myself as Sasakibe here though." "I- good heavens! The only person you're younger than is Yamamoto himself!" Aizen exclaimed, eyes wide behind his glasses. Zaraki frowned at that for a moment and then nodded. "...If you say so." Unohana made a small snuffling noise as she tried to not snort sake up her nose laughing. "How old are YOU, Mr. Glasses?" Yachiru asked. "Hm? Oh, I'm 332! And how old are y-" Aizen began to reply before he was interrupted by Yachiru jabbing her finger into the tip of his nose, cackling. "HAH! you're seventy- uh- seventy four years younger than me! You're a little baby man!" She clapped her hands with glee. "Unohana-sama? Are you alright?" Ukitake asked as the chief medic coughed suddenly. "I'm having a great time!" She wheezed, eyes watering from accidentally inhaling her drink.

Yachiru Kusajishi: CA: 506 LA: 10 Yachiru was Very Loved by her parents. Zaraki tells her this. When he found her, he found her in an otherwise abandoned house, with her parents, who had obviously died protecting her from the late-winter cold snap. She was still in her mother and father's arms when he came to investigate her cries. Her parents were wearing kimono that had the bottom third cut off, just above their knees, even though it was the middle of winter. She was wearing a double-layered baby Kimono made of the fabric they had cut off, to make sure she stayed warm. He took her into the nearest village, in hopes someone there could nurse her and tell him what her name was. She was lucky- there was a woman nursing her own daughter who agreed to take on her as well. But the Village elder hung his head in shame- he knew the couple the vagrant described- they lived far up the mountain, and only went by the name "Kusajishi", the name of the district, as was the style of many poor and illiterate farmers. They only came down from their farm once or twice a year to sell the special herbs they grew up there- the elder had seen the woman pregnant, but they had not come down to tell him the girl's name for the village records. So that day, the vagrant became Kenpachi Zaraki, and gave to her the name Yachiru as any parent should name their child, and the name Kusajishi, after the parents that loved her so. She only ever calls her adopted father Ken-chan, and is the only person who is allowed to call him that, because a parent should be called something special by their child. In deference to her parent's sacrifice, she does not call him "father". That was another man, who died for her. Zaraki does not lie to Yachiru, ever. Everything he told her about how they met is true. He has omitted one detail from the story, however. Her parents died from the cold snap because they had to be at least eighty, and not blessed with spiritual power like her. She had outlived her parents as an infant. And after speaking to the village elder about how, to his shame, he'd never managed to ask the little girl's name, even since he was a little boy, and failed to send anyone up there to check on the family, The vagrant with no name sat near the fire in the village hall, holding the little girl with no name. He thought about how terribly lonely it was, to not have a name. and how lucky he was that he had a mother who also had an extremely long lifespan that was able to live through raising him, and that he could still visit and speak to. and how unlucky this little girl was, that she did not. "How d'ya get a name?" the vagrant asked the village elder. "Well, here you just tell me what your name is, and I write it down in the village records." the elder said, watching him with curiosity. "...if I tell you a name, will you show me how to write it?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper. "Of course." The elder nodded. The vagrant was silent for a while. "Then her name is Yachiru Kusajishi." Said the vagrant. "...And yours?" The elder asked, picking up the record book and inkstone. "Mine?" the vagrant asked. "You're giving her a name because she hasn't got anyone else to do it, aren't you?" The elder asked, gaze steady. "If you name something, it's your responsibility forever, and you're going to have to be responsible for yourself if you're going to be responsible for her." The Vagrant considered this for a while. "My name-" he started and stopped, throat clicking like he was literally choking on the words. "-My name for her is Kenpachi Zaraki."

---

Mayuri Kurotsuichi: CA: 132 LA: 267 Mayuri is the only shinigami aging faster than the expected rate. This is because he escaped from Hell, and Hell would very much like to get his ass back there ASAP.

Nemuri Kurotsuichi: CA: 20 LA: 20 Nemu has been twenty for twenty years now, ever since she was pulled from the goo of her incubation tube by her father Mayuri, and will be 20 for the foreseeable future. The static lack of aging is something Mayuri hopes to fix in future drafts- Nemu is the seventh Nemuri, and the most successful one so far- She's the second Nemuri to actually make it out of her incubation tube, and the first to survive more than a year, but Nemuri Hachigo is already developing in the basement of the 12th in case something happens to her. The knowledge of her 'Little Sister' is something that brings Nemu comfort, like already knowing what you're going to be reincarnated as. "That's really fucked up." Says Uryuu Ishida in the rubble of Las Noches as she puts his intestines back inside his thorax where they belong. He's on a lot of drugs he'd like to know less about. "-It's also kind of cute. In a away. but really fucked up."

Kirio Hikifune: CA: 617 LA: 35 Kirio is one of a handful of people in on Unohana's double identity, but would NEVER betray her beloved Senpai's personal information! She served under Unohana in the fourth and developed her flesh-to-food technique with Unohana's help.

Tama Nikuya: CA: 1,477 LA: 26 Despite being the same age as Zaraki and Unohana and was aging at the same slow rate, the process that turned her into a Puca also caused her to go into bio-hell-fuckery that has effectively stopped her from aging at all. Or rather, she IS aging but every time she dies, she reappears as the LA age she was when she underwent The Flesh Change. She says the process is not infinite- she WILL eventually run out of spare lives, and if she manages to live long enough to die of old age in this body, she will NOT respawn at all. Also- it HURTS! She does die, which hurts, and comes back, which hurts EVEN MORE, and each time she comes back, she's confronted with the prospect of either outling all her friends or putting them through a similar hell to stay together. All in all, DO NOT ATTEMPT. I am speaking to you specifically, Kisuke. Akon Akon: CA: 119 LA: 27 Akon only has the one name but the archives don't like that so he uses it Twice. He was imprisoned without trial in the Maggot's nest for being part Yokai when he was a small child, and sprung to work in R&D By Mayuri shortly after Urahara's disappearence. He's friends with Yachiru and Nanao because there weren't hat many kids in the social circles of the Gotei-13's upper ranks, and all three of them shared a mutual interest in the Dinosaurs that were being discovered at the time. He's friends with Shuuhei because he was forced to take Remedial "if you work in the 12th instead of just R&D you need to actually know how to be a shinigami" classes the same year Shuuhei was accepted to the academy and they were dorm mates. Akon intermittendly draws weird one-panel cartoons for the Seireitei bulletin under a pen name, often about strange scientific jokes and on one notable occasion, bovine anthropological artifacts.

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Jushiro Ukitake: CA: 857 LA: 44 Ukitake is genuinely unsure if, when or HOW he will die, given that he is host to a Divine Being. Once that particular cat is out of the bag, it gives him something to commiserate about with Tama. Already, Shunsui is starting to outpace his age- is he doomed to bury his friend? or will circumstance force Mimihagi to consume him entirely? Mimihagi is sympathetic- the Left Hand of God is also not sure what this fusion entails for him- it's possible that if Jushiro dies by any other means besides Mimihagi consuming him, that Mimihagi will die with him, and neither is sure what kind of impact that might have on the universe at large. Still, if it weren't for Mimihagi's intervention, Jushiro wouldn't have this time at all, and Mimihagi will never have had these experiences, so neither regrets the choice they made, regardless of how it ends.

Hachigen Ushoda: CA: 278 LA: 32. Hachigen is appearing under the 13th Division because the Kido Corps got absorbed into the 13th while he was away. Hachi consistently fools people into thinking he's way older than he actually is because he has to tailor-make all his clothes for his massive frame, so why NOT go all the way and make something Special for all this effort?

...this post is already three miles long, I'll do the Arrancar and Quincy next.

#AEIWAM #An Elephant Is Warm And Mushy #Bleach #Bleach fanfic #Long Post #not kidding HELLA long post #There are more than 40 names to tag #I ain't doin' that shit #read for your fave tho everyone has a Fun Fact (TM)

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