#* (or they simply didn't understand it themselves... which i unfortunately think is just as likely)

[deathbxnny]

Our blood will drip from your hands. | Caitlyn x Fem!Reader (feat. Vi)

This is my official contribution to the Arcane Fandom and also my way of asking for requests. I hope you guys enjoy this!!<33

Summary: You befriended Caitlyn shortly after being taken in by an influential family in Piltover as a young child. You always believed that she saw you for who you were and not just for what you were. However, when she dared to appear in your home as your nation's newly appointed dictator, you realised that she was never any different herself.

Content: Heavy season 2 spoilers!!!!, Zaunite Reader, conflicting emotions, undefined relationship, heavy angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of grief on Caitlyn's side, childhood friends, racism/discrimination against Zaunites, slight Vi x Reader?, sfw

Reader is afab and uses she/her pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

"Have you... Have you lost your mind, Caitlyn?" You never expected to end up like this with her. Conversations that were once filled with laughs, gentle words, and wide smiles now felt sinister and cold. You shivered slightly under her domineering gaze and yet stood your ground, a defiant flame from your past childhood burning in your heart. The silence that followed your question felt dangerous, that familiar fear sparking in you at the glinting of her pristine uniform under the moonlight in the garden she had trapped you in. It reminded you of the days in which you could feel only terror at the mere sight of it, rightfully so. But perhaps the years of being fed with a silver spoon had you slowly cooking like a frog in a pot, doomed to unknowingly perish from its own blissful ignorance.

And was it too late to jump out now?

When you saw the navy haired woman's jaw clench tightly in a show of brave self-restraint, you realised that, yes, it was way too late for you.

Things went downhill the moment Caitlyn introduced you to Vi, you concluded. There was an instant bond you had with the woman, a bond only two of the same kin and background could have, despite your different upbringing. You remembered the night the three of you sat in these grand gardens of yours, the privilege of the fresh air filling your lungs weighing heavy on your consciousness as she spoke of her past. You recognized the places she mentioned, felt the emotions that ran through her, and shared the silent, familiar fear of the uniformed devil's with ease. You spoke of things the Kirammann could never understand, and you believed that it was alright that she didn't.

Caitlyn didn't say a word while you two spoke, her face betraying no negative emotion as she just simply gripped onto your gloved hand tightly. Foreshadowing, you had missed perhaps in hindsight. You had foolishly hoped that she saw you both as people, regardless of where you hailed from. You realise now that your wishful thinking had made you painfully naive.

The veil had finally been lifted from your eyes now and revealed the truth you've been denying for so long. And why did it take you so much time to realise it anyway? Why did it have to be Caitlyn's disgusted look to shake you awake?

Why didn't you just listen to Vi when she appeared at your doorstep hours earlier, a shell of what she once, as she practically cried in your arms? You never thought you'd see the day in which a fellow Zaunite would willingly degrade themselves so terribly by wearing the uniform of their oppressors. But why did you always make an exception for Caitlyn then, if you hated seeing Vi as one?

She had left shortly after, leaving you crying in frustration and betrayal when she told you how they used the ventilation system against your own people. They had flooded the streets with that toxic smog, hurt people more than they already were, and potentially even killed some for what? And unfortunately... the woman before you was the mastermind of it all.

Grief was a terrible thing. It really was. And yet, there was no excuse for this.

Your mind spun, legs threatening to give out at any moment. You should have run after Vi. You shouldn't have stayed here for a moment longer. But you had deluded yourself into thinking that it was all just a misunderstanding. That you had heard it wrong. Even if you couldn't look away from the devil anymore that you once lovingly called your best friend... or perhaps even more?

Slightly stumbling backward with a faint sigh, Caitlyn was quick to grab onto your hip, yet you flinched out of her grasp quicker than you could process it. It was a relfex on both of your sides. "No, don't you dare touch me after what you've... what you will do." You couldn't stand being near her as the panic set in, and you were desperate to get away. You never thought that you'd come to this point. You never thought that you'd learn to hate her so suddenly. It made you sick.

She reluctantly let her hand fall back to her side, and it unnerved you then that she had yet to say a thing. Did she perhaps feel guilty after all? Was she perhaps reflecting? A glance into her eyes reconfirmed that you were indeed wrong about her once again. You needed to stop dreaming. Your life up here has blinded you too much.

"... You weren't there today." You knew that she meant the councilor meeting with all the other noble houses. Your adoptive parents had gone as well, albeit without you. They were in clear disagreement with the entire situation themselves, and yet social pressure was a curse. Turning away from her, you found the energy to scoff. "And what of it? Do you expect me to stand there and cheer? Support a potential mass killing of innocent people?" "I am keeping us safe. I'm keeping you safe. There is nothing innocent about them." Her voice was raised and sharp, nothing like you had ever heard before. The adrenaline was making your body shake dangerously, and you started becoming aware of how angry you were. You hadn't felt like this in years. And here you thought you were used to their hate, too.

"So you are willing to murder hundreds over Jinx? Because that's what this is all about, isn't it? Revenge?" You got it right. It was all just for that. She was willing to disgrace her own ancestors' life work to fill the void left behind by her mother’s absence. "... I am doing all of this so no one has to get hurt again. We are left with no other choice. They are too dangerous-" "-Then why am I any different? What am I, if you view us as nothing but animals?" Silence. Just as expected, she never thought that far. Or maybe she simply considered you one of the better ones. The one whose blood was saved by the kindness of your parents in Piltover. You weren't tainted anymore. You were perfect because this place allowed you to be.

"... Why can you just not see all I'm doing for us? I... don't make me turn on you, too. You are better than this." You let out a laugh, one that could've sent down a shiver down anyone's spine. Even Caitlyn's, if she wasn't so tense and rigid now. Vi was right. She truly had changed for the worse. And god did it hurt.

"I loved you, Cait. I really did. And I understand the pain you've gone through after the loss of your mother. I stood at your side on the day of the funeral. I felt your agony." What should've been a confession filled with relief and happiness, now simply left a bitter taste in your mouth. "But I refuse to keep standing at your side if it means to see your hands stain with the blood of my people. You are a puppet, Caitlyn. The warlord has taken over your mind. The strings around your neck will tighten until it snuffs out the rest of your soul. And I will not be there to help you out of it this time." You don't care to hear her next words or even look her in the face as a last goodbye. Your Caitlyn died with her mother, buried beneath endless flower petals, safe and far away from the monster that appeared in her stead.

Your calm steps suddenly picked up the pace, and you found yourself running away, your frilly dress bunched up in your arms, chest heaving with the sobs you couldn't hide anymore. You ignored her call for your name, the demanding order pushing you much farther away until all you could hear were your panicked steps over the marble floor and the faint singing of the cicadas coming to a close.

Caitlyn stood there for the longest time, her stern gaze frozen in the direction you had disappeared in before she tipped her hat over her eyes and left.

You'll understand one day, she supposed.

[kenzan-kiwami]

i think i need to finally rip those substories apart. going to start with chapter 8 since obviously that comes first

beware, it's long. mentions of a substory in ch.12, but nothing main plot-related beyond ch.8

edit: i'm a bit tired and i'm letting off steam by doing this so i think my wording outside the readmore is a bit aggressive but i assure you this is a 1.6k word lovepost

first thing i did was have a look at nanba's line about kashiwagi being a sweet guy deep down, because i'm told tsuruno's line about him being a "scary-ass bartender" wasn't totally faithful to the intent of the original, but i think it (and all of the other ones i checked here) are, for the most part, close enough. i may get into the others more later. from what i can gather nanba just says, "the bartender is kinda scary, but he's a good person so you'll be alright/don't worry," sort of thing.

but the way kiryu and kashiwagi stop when they see each other is shocking to the core. you get some nice sort of establishing shots of the top of the bar counter and kashiwagi polishing a glass before they show his face (potentially also where kiryu's eyes went first?) and then the next time you see his hands he's paused right in the middle of what he was doing. he's practiced (or seen) enough that his jaw doesn't drop the way kiryu's does, but he has to purse his lips a little in an attempt to stop them from quivering. it takes until nanba asks if they've met before for him to scramble inside his head for something to say, and only then is he able to lead the conversation on (but not without his voice catching in his throat a little bit). the game never says this outright, but the way kashiwagi is as shocked as kiryu is when he walks into survive definitely says to me that he'd also found out kiryu "died" in 2016

kiryu's eyebrows tremble quite visibly after kashiwagi speaks up for the first time to deny they'd met before - how could he say that, with that voice? - but he rolls with it, much to his (what i'm reading as) visible dismay. but then he pulls out this unnecessarily deep bow to kashiwagi?? and i didn't think much of it at the time, but this comment i found on a youtube video recontextualised the entire exchange to me:

literally driving me insane. kiryu's SO choked up over this and trying desperately not to show it. there's simply no other reason for kiryu of all people to be bowing so deeply to someone he's "just met" and "mistaken" the identity of.

kashiwagi's next line (jpn: いいえ、どうかお気になさらず) is a bit contentious to me, but i can't tell at this point if i'm nitpicking too hard or not - it seems to translate fairly literally to "no, please don't worry," but he's subtitled as saying "please. it happens to the best of us," which is (again) close enough but it feels like another one of those strange lines that got edited a bit too hard. i don't think the inferred meaning of "no, it's ok, there's nothing you could have done differently" is totally lost, but you take a slightly different route to get there, kind of thing?

it also doesn't really account for the way bowing to people like that isn't as much of a thing outside east asia. of course, most people with a cursory knowledge of japanese culture are aware of the existence of bowing, but the nuances of its use here i feel could have been made slightly more obvious in localisation to get that point across. absolutely not to the point of making it glaringly obvious, but easier to infer for people who aren't totally immersed in japanese culture.*

kashiwagi, in his infinite wisdom, whips out his next trick: to say he just has one of those faces. with a huge scar running right across the middle. i don't want to say he's pissing about with the tone of the cutscene and his delivery, but it really is an absurd thing to say (and he knows it).

and then they just go back to staring at each other... kiryu's eyebrows are still going and kashiwagi's lip twitches again and i'm so glad they let this game cook for so long because all of the animations have had such thought and care put into them. it's BARELY noticeable and i've been obsessively playing back each close-up of their faces where they're not talking trying to catch any miniscule movements they make.

this next part felt heinous to watch back after seonhee's fifth drink link because who ELSE but her would also know who kashiwagi is? she knows exactly what's happening between the two of them, and swoops in to save them from another awkward staring contest. she's lying through her teeth in front of saeko and nanba, which honestly just makes me wonder what kashiwagi's conditions for hiding his identity are if he's not telling the party. i can't imagine it'd be tojo clan related since the great dissolution had happened four years ago by this point, but the daidoji kashiwagi theories i've seen floating around feel equally ridiculous to me. what use does daidoji have for a guy in (probably) his sixties who's spent the last decade of his life running an empty bar on purpose? (he's still holding the glass and towel still in his hands at this point.)

he perks up again when seonhee railroads them all into getting the karaoke going, and it's really... nice? to see a man like kashiwagi expressing his gratitude for them being there so openly. he mentions it himself in a later conversation, but being a yakuza meant he was never really allowed to show much emotion. the HLA was his side gig kiryu never even found out about until after the helicopter attack, and the other patriarchs in Y3 called him "soft" for working to resolve conflict rather than instigate it, but 7 and 8 are the only times you get to see him wholeheartedly express things like pleasure and joy on screen. it's refreshing to see, and even more so after he says he consciously had to repress himself to get by before. i'd done a whole thing before this game came out about how he IS a deeply caring man under his harsh exterior and i'll tell you now i'm feeling extremely validated by his appearances here.

kiryu bows again as he walks past the bar to sit down - this time just his head - and kashiwagi hangs his head in return. both nanba and seonhee turn and catch him looking down with the glass still held awkwardly in his hands, and i'd imagine seeing him like that is something completely new to everyone in the room at that moment. it cuts away and he finally finds himself again, and he goes back to polishing the glass. he's stood there for the better part of a minute and a half with a glass in his hand not even doing anything with it, just out of pure shock and awe. i'm honestly not sure who handled that exchange worse (comparatively) out of the two of them.

next part doesn't have as much for me to go crazy about, but that look they exchange while kiryu is up singing makes me melt every time. every movement they make says so much. two brothers who each thought the other was dead meeting again for the first time in nearly fifteen years while kiryu ticks one of his favourite pastimes off his bucket list.

what's making me really mad, however, is the choice to use the "singable" english dub lyrics to bakamitai in the subtitles, because when you look at the more literal translation listed on the RGG Fandom wiki (only showing the lines he sings in full here):

Went chasing a dream and got hurt

Poorly disguised behind a joyless smile

"I love you" is hardly ever said

Tongue-tied and downright self-conscious

But even so, even so, why is it

"Goodbye" came so naturally?

It's no use, no use, no use at all

and the line re-recorded for this scene:

So then what are they, these tears—what a fool

bakamitai is vague on purpose. ostensibly and according to the wiki it's about a woman reflecting on her relationship with an ex, but the lyrics omit gendered pronouns at the beginning, and no women actually sing this song in the games... karaoke is one of the few methods kiryu has to really express his feelings, and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that, here, he's singing about himself, about kashiwagi, to kashiwagi. and the official translated lyrics don't hit anywhere close to the same in this regard.

now i will admit i've been having some difficulty discerning kiryu's tone in this last part i'm going to talk about. he gets annoyed that everyone was chatting through his song, and goes to sit down and lecture them. my first thought as i originally watched this was that he queued judgement himself, but looking back now and thinking about how stuck in his own head kiryu can get, i'm not so sure that was the case.

once again it was a youtube comment that got me thinking (so thanks for that), but he does seem so genuinely annoyed that he wants to sit down and drink again - which he does, but then the song starts up and he drawls out this どうゆう意味だなぁ？and i can't tell if it's meant to be sarcastic (which would line up with him having queued the song himself) or... incensed? exasperated? i can't think of a good word for it, but it's that kind of fake-annoyed only a good friend or sibling can drag out of you, which would imply he really had planned to sit down, and kashiwagi started his favourite song to cheer him up and get everyone going again.

i think i like the second option better.

[birdofmay]

What's the difference between nonverbal and nonspeaking?

I have posts about nonverbal autism, but none about the single topic "What's the difference between nonverbal and nonspeaking?" So this will be a handy linked blog entry for my pinned post.

All summed up: There is no real difference, it's a matter of preference. Please ask us what term we prefer and respect that choice. It's a sensitive topic because there has been a lot of discourse around it ☝🏼

Alright. First things first: Nonverbal is a medical term not exclusively for autism. In the medical field, "nonverbal" simply means that your speech is extremely impaired or fully absent. Yes, there are many meanings of "nonverbal", but this is what doctors mean. Did you know that there's nonverbal cerebral palsy too? (External link)

But let's focus on autism. Autistics who can't speak are said to have "nonverbal autism".

Discourse #1 - the mind is intact

There are many reasons why some autistics never learn to speak. One reason can be non-acquired apraxia (i.e. not due to a stroke, TBI, Alzheimer's, etc.), which leads to limited motor control. If it affects the mouth and throat only, individuals "know what they want to say", but their mouth doesn't cooperate. They either struggle to get words out clearly/don't get anything out at all, or their mouth seems to have "a mind of its own" - they say things they didn't want to say. If apraxia affects the whole body, this goes for actions too. Either they can't make their body do what they want to do (e.g. they want to point at a ball but their arm won't move) or their body does things they didn't want to do (e.g. they want to point at the ball but instead their finger points at the floor).

As you can imagine, this situation is really unfortunate when a therapist wants to test your intelligence. You can't get words out, so they ask you to show them what a triangle is. You know what a triangle is, but your body does its own thing. You point at the circle instead of the triangle, and your therapist concludes that you don't understand simple instructions. They assume intellectual disability. You're misunderstood all your life and everyone thinks that you can't learn to communicate, that you don't understand language. You're frustrated.

Luckily, at some point some people realised that these autistics CAN learn to communicate and in fact are very capable and understand language just fine. That was when apraxic autistics talked about this misunderstanding online. They talked about how they were mistreated and underestimated, that people should always "presume competence". They coined a new term for themselves: "Nonspeaking". In their opinion, "nonverbal" doesn't describe their experience and makes it sound like they can't learn to read or write. "My mind is intact, I can make intelligent choices about my life!" (External link)

Sounds good? Well, it may be surprising to know that most of us on Tumblr who can't speak either don't mind being called "nonverbal" or actively prefer nonverbal over nonspeaking. How can that be?

Discourse #2 - the mind isn't always intact

There are other reasons why some autistics never learn how to speak. Most of the time, in contrast to "nonspeaking self-advocates", we do struggle to understand language and our mind is not "intact". We have language disorders, brain damage, slow processing speed, often ID. The latter is why most of us aren't on any social media. My ability to communicate isn't average for us, it's an exception!

When the "say nonspeaking" wave reached Tumblr, I think at first most of us who are on social media liked that idea. We spread awareness about how terminology is a preference thing, that "nonspeaking" is about overcoming years of mistreatment and about empowerment. That some of us think that "nonverbal" sounds like we can't communicate and can't understand language, when that's not true. But, as I said, most autistics who never learned how to speak aren't online and therefore can't participate in this discourse. "Nonspeaking self-advocates", on the other hand, are on social media and love to participate. But they are a minority among those who can't speak.

The result? At some point it got a little ableist. The mindset "We are intelligent and understand language" turned into "You guys with ID and language disorders make us look bad" and THAT turned into speaking over and ignoring us. Or harassing even. "You have to call yourself nonspeaking, otherwise you're a bad person!" and so on. We responded "No, you say you're intelligent and your mind is intact. Good for you, but ours isn't. You erase our existence and we don't relate to your experience. We don't identify with your word." It was worse on other platforms, at some point the term "nonspeaking supremacist" was coined similar to "aspie supremacist".

Discourse #3 - free interpretation of a term that's NOT loosely defined??!

And last year, a really strange thing happened: Speaking autistics somehow mixed up the "To me personally, nonverbal sounds like I can't learn to communicate and don't understand language at all" and incorrectly informed others "So there's a difference between nonverbal and nonspeaking. Nonspeaking means that you can't speak and nonverbal means that you also can't communicate in other ways".

They took it as a fact and informed us that we "by definition" actually are nonspeaking because we can communicate via text. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I repeat: Most of us who can't speak aren't on social media. So this misinformation again spread everywhere because we weren't enough, we weren't loud enough. We can't ever be loud enough because, exactly: Most of us aren't on social media.

Now we weren't harassed by fellow nonverbal/nonspeaking autistics, nope, NOW suddenly speaking autistics from ALL over the world tried to inform us that we shouldn't call ourselves nonverbal - NOT aware that by now "nonspeaking" got a slightly ableist connotation in the process 😵

Here's an example of how wild things were last year...

And that's not enough: Suddenly everyone assumed that autistics who can't speak due to apraxia MUST call themselves nonspeaking because that's where the movement started. No, even apraxic autistics sometimes prefer "nonverbal", and they have every right to do so!

As things are now...

So, that's why most of us on Tumblr prefer nonverbal. Oh, and by the way:

Whenever someone isn't aware of this and makes a "To me, nonverbal means..." post, all I think is "Oh, not again, please not again", and I see this war flashback meme in my mind's eye 😅

Every "To me, nonverbal means..." post that ends with "And that's why I prefer nonspeaking" has the potential to get loud and start this harassment and misinformation all over.

Every new post that tries to define nonverbal and nonspeaking could start this all over again.

Because nonspeaking supremacists are very very loud. And speaking autistics are usually very very uninformed about us. And most nonverbal/nonspeaking autistics aren't on any social media.

[loving-strawberry]

✶Stray Kids reacting to their s/o ignoring when she's being sexualized✶ (HCS)

Summary: You are being sexualized by people because of your body, but you're so used to this, that you simply choose to ignore that.

It was a request!

A little note: To the person who requested, if you read this, I'm really sorry for what is happening to you:( Also, I couldn't really do exactly as you asked me, because my brain is refusing to cooperate with me sometimes! But I hope you like it!

Warning: Swearing. Some comments about body parts. Mention of food and drinks. Probably some writing errors.

Genre: A bit of angst. Fluff. (I don't know other ones???)

Pairing: Bf!Skz x Fem!Reader

Bang Chan☆

He was simply shocked when this happened for the first time in front of him

You two were just taking a stroll in a park, enjoying together your little time off both of you had that same day, which is a pretty rare occasion

And all of a sudden you hear some nasty and disgusting comments about your body coming from an old man

While poor Chan was feeling sick hearing that someone could say something like this in the a public space, without feeling ashamed of themselves, you simply ignored it

"My love, how could you just ignore something like that? Do you want me to go and talk to him??"

"Channie, it's ok. I'm used to it by now."

Now he's even more shocked

What do you mean used to it???

How many times did this happened???

Why didn't you told him anything yet???

He has so many questions and he feels so bad that there's not much he can do about your situation...

Lee Minho☆

This was happening as the two of you were on a date at a restaurant

And one man who was sitting at the next table, was looking intensely at your chest, even throughout your shirt

You just ignored his gross looks and focused on other things

But your boyfriend couldn't

He was pissed.

He doesn't want to accept that someone is looking at you like you're some kind of object and you to just ignore it like it's a normal thing

Even if it is normal for you, unfortunately

"You need to stand up for yourself when this happens!"

"Why? It's much more easier to just ignore them and don't show any reaction. They wouldn't understand anyway."

If you don't stand up for yourself when this happens to you, he will

And next time this happens, Minho will send deadly glares towards the people who dares sexualize you in any way

If that doesn't work, he'll go and have a little talk with them

You will need to stop him before getting his ass in trouble with JYP

Seo Changbin☆

This one takes place at the gym

You were doing some squats, and a group of men was constantly checking your butt and disgustingly smirking at each other

And of course, doing unnecessary comments

Wants to have a little talk with them part 2... Even though he's outnumbered

But stops when he sees that you don't give a flying fuck about this whole situation

"Babe, you really don't care? The way they commented about your body is unacceptable and disgusting..."

"Bin, I'm used to it. It's happening more often than you think."

Now he's all pouting, sad and disappointed with himself for not noticing sooner

And of course, disappointed with the people who can do such things

"You shouldn't be used to this, babe..."

Hwang Hyunjin☆

During one of your photoshoots for modeling, the photographer was starting to make you pose more and more sexy

Indecent actually

Like, almost Playboy style

But you just tried to brush it off

On the other hand, Hyunjin, who came along with you just to keep you company during this session, wasn't exactly happy about what just happened

He's having a pit in his stomach after all of that and you can tell he's angry

He will just tell the photographer to fuck off and takes you out of that place as fast as possible

"Hyunnie, what's wrong??"

"You're seriously asking this...? You've just been sexualized and you're asking me what's wrong?"

"It was happening so many than you could think off... I just don't care too much anymore."

Now he's furious and grossed out.

Of course Hyunjin wouldn't let you go back to the same photographer, despite your reassurances that everything is fine

And he'll search himself for someone else who to be trusted with you

Han Jisung☆

(I don't have any ideas of scenarios here🙃)

You two went out for some ice cream, and suddenly someone says something like 'I have something better for you to lick'

Han is about to go and deal with him, until you stop him

"Ji, don't waste your time with that."

"But-..."

"Just ignore him."

He's honestly confused as to how unbothered you are

Makes him question himself how many times did this happened before and never noticed

"Does... Does this happened frequently...?"

"Yeah."

"HUH?!?"

He'll start from now on to look after you and pay attention to your surroundings constantly

Lee Felix☆

You both were at a TV show when this happens and having an interview

After a while, the hosts attention is focused just on you and starts telling suggestive jokes about you

Probably to entertain who's watching the show

But you don't pay attention at all to them

Felix by now is mad.

And a little disappointed that you don't react at all about this

You know the expressions he always have when he's jealous/mad about something?

Yeah... That's how I'm imagining him right now

Moving on...

After the show is over, of course he'll start questioning you

"How could you just brush those jokes off like you being sexualized is a normal thing???"

"Because it's a normal thing, unfortunately."

"What...?"

Poor Felix, he will probably start crying after hearing this :(

Kim Seungmin☆

(Out of ideas part2)

Location for this one?

The beach.

You are wearing a one piece costume, not feeling like showing too much skin this time

But this never stopped two man to approach you

And starts make unnecessarily comments about how you should wear a bikini instead, because that's what men wants to see

Seungmin went to get you two drinks, and right when they said those gross things, he came back

He expected you to say something back to those men

But you straight up ignored them and started scrolling on your phone

Leaving Seungmin to get rid of the pests

He just fake tripped on his own feet and threw the cold drinks, with ice in them, on the men skin

Skin that probably was warm of because how much they stood in the sun

They just scattered away in the contact with the extremely cold liquids, and muttering some curses under their breaths

"I didn't know you can be so lame to not talk back in these situations."

"I talked back enough. No one listened. So I don't bother anymore."

"... I'll go grab other drinks..."

Most likely feels bad for saying that now that he knows you're struggling with this everyday

Will make sure to be the who speaks up for you next time something similar happens again

Yang Jeongin☆

I.N was doing a live, with you being somewhere in the background, laying in bed and minding your own business

You were also reading some of the comments that people had left in I.N chat, from your phone

Both of you saw a pretty nasty comment left from a "fan" about your body and how hot you looked laying like that in bed

But neither of you said anything about it

I.N didn't said anything, cuz he hopped you didn't saw it

You just ignored the comment, truth be told

Shortly after that comment was left in poor boy's chat, he ended it, feeling too sick to continue the live

"Are you ok, Innie? You look a little pale..."

"Y-Yeah... It's just... I read a comment that made me feeling unsettled."

"Oh? The one about me? I just ignored it. I've gotten even worse."

If I.N wasn't pale before, he is now

He just couldn't understand how anyone could say something like this so easily

.............................

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@bangchansbae @tattywood @nebulousbrainsoup @https-skzology

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

What do you think about Equius and Eridan's ship? I think this is a pretty entertaining idea (I'm aware that they don't really tolerate each other, but maybe they could share their problems with each other and help each other?)

I won't tell people what they should and shouldn't ship, but it's unsupported by canon & I personally don't think they'd be a good fit for each other, because Equius is kind of a prude who's genuinely made uncomfortable by Eridan's incredibly strong emotional neediness, and Eridan needs attention from his friends and especially romantic partners, which Equius isn't really equipped to provide. But again, if you like it, don't let me stop you!

Uhhh warnings for talking about sexual stuff because unfortunately Equius is just kind of Like That and you can't really discuss him in good faith without getting into it.

Basically, Equius's deal is that he's kind of sheltered. His specific position in the hemocaste means he gets to avoid a lot of the awful shit the other highbloods have to deal with, while still being high enough that he gets to avoid lowblood problems entirely. He doesn't have to worry about being culled or even of having to cull others - at least, not until adulthood - to the point where he's in a position to object to Nepeta killing wild animals. The murder of other real, thinking, breathing people seems like a distant problem for future Equius - not a tangible reality quickly catching up to him.

CT: D --> You e%terminate beautiful, innocent creatures by the hundreds CT: D --> I can't condone such wretched behavior CT: D --> Beasts are meant to be 100ked upon with adoration AC: :33 < but AC: :33 < i eat them! AC: :33 < i dont kill anything i dont eat, that would be mean CT: D --> I guess that's basically acceptable in principle, but I still find it a bit unsavory

He knows that Alternia is dangerous, and that bad, horrible things happen to other people (I mean, he's neighbors with Vriska lmao), but he has the privilege of simply electing not to participate, and that's the solution he keeps presenting to Nepeta: don't talk to the lowbloods, because they'll harm you, don't talk to the highbloods, because they'll harm you, and don't play their dangerous games. I mean, it works for him!

CT: D --> The thought of you fraternizing with and abetting those stink-b100ded h001igans strikes me as scandal beyond measure CT: D --> I'm afraid you're too delicate to withstand that sort of corruption

EQUIUS: D --> Yes, which is among the reasons why I must make your prote%ion a high priority EQUIUS: D --> The highb100d has joined a stable of those who are becoming increasingly volatile and murderous as we remain stranded in this laboratory EQUIUS: D --> I command you to steer clear of them, do you understand

He has a kindly lusus who takes very good care of him, met his soulmate very early on, has a neighbor/friend he gets along with pretty well, and gets to spend basically all of his free time pursuing his hobbies and interests with no pressing duties or responsibilities to distract him. As far as is possible on Alternia, he's lived a charmed and peaceful life.

Now, although I'm going to make the caveat early that he's not actually that casteist, Equius is still the most casteist member on the team, short of post-corruption!Gamzee. The fact that he's sheltered is one of the primary reasons for this: he's never had a reason to question casteism, because casteism has always been pretty correct in his book, and he's never had the need nor impetus to question it any further than that. After all, lowbloods DO wind up getting themselves into horrible situations, and highbloods DO tend to be murderous, dangerous assholes. This is just The Way Things Are, right?

For more specific examples, the Team Charge debacle - which Equius had to know about because he's the one who patched Vriska up afterwards - ended with Tavros unable to walk and Aradia "broken" (most of the team didn't know she was dead until they entered the game; Terezi tells Vriska she thinks "whatever Vriska did to her" must've broken her brain somehow since she was never the same since). Meanwhile, the two highbloods really only got injured by each other. In Equius's eyes, this would've reinforced his views: lowbloods live dangerous lives wrought by their inherent degeneracy, and always suffer worse for it, while highbloods are unstable and violent, but ultimately faultless and unpunishable except by each other.

He also - again - is Vriska's neighbor, and Vriska's psionics work best on lowbloods, so that's the vast majority of who she brings in for her lusus to eat. The two most crass people on the team are also Karkat and Sollux - the latter of which is very much a lowblood, while the former regularly throws himself in with the "gutter bloods"; the fact that they swear and make sex jokes genuinely freaks Equius out, since he's a sheltered little noble boy who refuses to say cuss words.

EQUIUS: D --> For pete's goodfornothing di%ie whistling SA%ES, Nepeta

So with Equius, we see how unexamined and uninterrogated privilege and sheltering can lead to genuinely harmful beliefs. Equius's feelings come from a good place: he sees all these poor lowbloods dying and suffering, and all these high bloods doing horrific, scary shit, and he instinctively knows that something is wrong and the world they live in is dangerous - or else he wouldn't be trying to protect Nepeta from it. He knows that because she's lower than he is on the hemospectrum, she's much more at risk than he is of something terrible happening to her, so as much as possible, he tries to keep her away from engaging with the rest of society.

CT: D --> Well, green b100d is ok, but it's not great CT: D --> But that's why you're lucky to have me to 100k out for you CT: D --> Because you don't know better, and you can't fight the role the mother had in store for you

But because he's had no reason to challenge or question the casteist beliefs he was taught, the horrific stuff he witnesses actually reinforces them. In an attempt to make sense out of the terrible world he lives in, he falls back on the easy answers, the ones he's been repeatedly told since he was a child: lowbloods suffer because they are inherently "worse" than highbloods, and highbloods are inherently "better," so they're allowed to indulge all their most violent and horrific impulses and it's not actually a problem. He's comfortable with his reality; why isn't everybody else?

So um, that brings us to the sex stuff. Basically, because Equius is so sheltered, he doesn't realize that he has a massive BDSM kink, and kind of a voyeurism kink, and that a lot of the gratification and pleasure he feels from indulging in them are... um......... "that kind" of gratification and pleasure. To be honest, I think if someone genuinely levelled with him and pointed it out, he'd have a mental breakdown over it. Because, like, at his core, Equius is a polite, kind, helpful guy. There's a reason he listens to Karkat same as the rest of the team, why he helps with Tavros's robot legs, why Nepeta even likes him so much. A lot of his worst aspects just stem from the fact that he's conflating his desire to be stepped on with the hemocaste being an inescapable, correct reality.

He's basically this post lol:

So about specifically him and Eridan, like. We actually have Equius's outright stated opinion on Eridan.

CG: YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT, I DON'T GET IT CG: YOU KISS THE GROUND THIS LUNATIC WALKS ON BECAUSE HE HAS PURPLE BLOOD CG: BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP YOU FROM RIPPING ON ERIDAN, I KNOW FOR A FACT YOU DON'T LIKE HIM CG: AND HIS BLOOD IS EVEN PURPLIER, ISN'T IT? CT: D --> Yes CT: D --> That's different CT: D --> He is a sea dweller CT: D --> Our feud is codified in tradition CT: D --> Neigh, we are obligated to be at odds CT: D --> It's dignified ... CG: THE POINT IS, IF YOU SEE HIM, WOULD YOU MIND SNAPPING HIS STUPID WAND IN HALF OR SOMETHING? CG: AND THEN CHOKE HIM TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN SHITTY PRETENTIOUS SCARF. CT: D --> Do I really have to CG: GOD, WHAT IS THE PROBLEM NOW? CT: D --> I'd prefer not to interact with him CG: WHY CT: D --> It's primarily that his advances make me uncomfortable

See, Eridan... is not really Equius's type. And I can see why! Equius places a lot of importance on decorum and a100fness. Here's him basically telling Gamzee about why he's attracted to Gamzee and Aradia:

CT: D --> See, that's what I mean CT: D --> How is it possible for one of your distin%ion to be so ignorant CT: D --> And loathesome CT: D --> Whereas CT: D --> A member of the most abject, verminous b100dline of all CT: D --> Can conduct herself with such grace and possess nothing but admirable mannerisms CT: D --> I find these striking ju%tapositions perple%ing, and I confess strangely into%icating

He hates that Gamzee acts dumb and friendly, and wants him to be mean and commanding - and is probably lowkey picking up on the fact that Gamzee DOES have that within him, although he's hiding it. At the same time, he's weirdly attracted to how Aradia is aloof, intelligent, and strong-willed, despite being the lowest possible caste. Basically, Equius wants a pretty classically cultured dom to put him in his place - bonus points if caste-play is involved, whether it's a higher caste acting in accordance to their position on the spectrum, or a lower caste degrading him to a point below themselves.

So, initially, you'd think that Eridan would actually be his ideal for such a position, land dweller/sea dweller feud notwithstanding. After all, Eridan is all about acting like a traditional sea dweller, talking up his nobility and how much better he is than the lower castes, wanting the land dwellers dead/in their place, etc. etc.

But that's where we hit a snag. Eridan is pretending. He's pretending in the opposite direction of Gamzee, in fact. Where Gamzee is genuinely quite mean and nasty, but masking that in an attempt to get along better with his friends, Eridan is actually pretty - well, "nice" is the wrong word, but he's desperately presenting himself as meaner and more casteist than he actually is.

Equius wants to be effortlessly dominated, but Eridan puts in 110% at all times. Equius wants someone who upholds the caste system, and Eridan is actually totally indiscriminate when hitting on people because he actually doesn't give a shit about class differences. Equius wants someone who commands respect, but Eridan is kind of the team laughingstock. Also Eridan swears in proportion to his dialogue second only to Karkat.

Eridan's emotional desperation, disregard for the caste system, and cringefail antics are all massive turnoffs for Equius, and in a lot of ways, genuinely kind of scare him. I mean, again, Equius is a sheltered little noble boy who's made uncomfortable by cussing or killing animals for meat - and here's Eridan, one of the team's biggest murderers, genuinely obsessed with death and genocide, mouth of a sailor, willing to shoot his shot with anyone on the hemospectrum. Equius gets along better with Karkat, and Karkat's not even ON the hemospectrum.

It wouldn't even be pitch or ashen hatred to me, because Equius doesn't object to Eridan, morally or ethically - he just finds Eridan uncomfortable to be around, and prefers not to interact with him if he can help it. And that's really bad for Eridan, because Eridan's basically a huge emotional wreck and has a pretty fundamental need for emotional support and attention from his romantic partners - I've touched on it before, I think when I talked about him and Tavros, but Eridan has a genuine anxiety attack when Vriska accidentally ghosts him (because she's mercy killing her lusus), and I really don't think it would be good for him if he were to become emotionally attached to the guy whose whole Thing is standing in the background and watching without interacting.

As for discussing their problems... like, that's kind of the thing? They don't actually have overlapping problems. Eridan's issues primarily stem from the pressures his position on the hemocaste have placed on him, whereas Equius has actually actively benefited from and enjoyed his position in that class structure. Like, even if they tried to share notes on their respective character arcs about shirking the shitty things Alternia imposed on them, it'd be like,

EQUIUS: D--> Did you know that one's position in the hemospe%rum has little to no bearing on their moral integrity or worth as a person ERIDAN: are you a fuckin idiot eq

ERIDAN: guess all that obsessin ovver murder wwas a huge fuckin wwaste ERIDAN: and didnt do me no good nor anybody else for that matter EQUIUS: D--> Well EQUIUS: D--> Yeah

Even if we try to bring in things that aren't strictly related to being a high blood and what that means on Alternia - like if we run with the idea that Eridan's lusus contributed to Eridan's shitty childhood - well, unfortunately, Equius can't relate. Aurthour was incredibly kind to Equius growing up and he loved Aurthour dearly. So on and so forth.

And, uh... this is kind of weird to say, but despite how forward Eridan is about romance, he's actually... kind of reserved, sexually? He doesn't crack sex jokes and his fixation on romantic relationships is more about the act of being in a relationship than about what they do in that relationship. His date ideas are pretty straightforward and traditional, because he tends to prioritize "doing a good job" and "living up to the standard" over how he actually feels or his own personal interests.

What I'm saying is, Equius's horniness would probably make Eridan uncomfortable. Especially before Equius realizes that he's just got massive kinks that he should probably keep under control - which is basically the entire comic - Equius tends to prioritize what they do in a relationship over the act of actually being in a relationship. In fact, he'd probably be just as happy to get domm'd by Gamzee or Aradia even if they weren't actually dating. That's a kind of freedom and trueness to one's desires that Eridan can't manage; moreover, because Eridan tends to prioritize "doing a good job", he's pretty willing to go along with whatever his partner wants - which, in Equius's case, means Eridan doing more of the thing that's actively harmed them both. And I just don't think that that'd be good for Eridan.

So, yeah, overall, not a good fit for each other, but again, don't let me stop you!

The most interesting arrangement of Eridan and Equius, to me personally, is the fact that I think Eridan and Nepeta would actually be pretty good friends once they started talking (and Eridan got a moirail). Nepeta is the Anti-Casteism troll, the only one to outright state that she believes blood color shouldn't matter, and Eridan's whole deal is being less casteist than he pretends to be, to the point of genuinely being the least casteist highblood. And they both RP and hunt for stuff.

However, if there's any example of "dangerous highblood" on the team before Gamzee snaps, it's Eridan, and Equius has pretty deep concern for Nepeta's safety, which actually sometimes comes at Nepeta's detriment. It wouldn't escalate to pitch or ashen, but I really like the idea of the two of them having an antagonistic relationship because Equius does NOT want Nepeta interacting with this insane murderer, while Eridan is like, bro, let the kitty cat cave shipper girl decide for herself, and Nepeta is like, why must boys fight.

[pinkgelatin]

Being dads is exhausting. And how do you deal with exhaustion? Cuddles! This time with a tiny fic under the cut ❤️

Teething

Salim got up from the carpet and dusted off his knees. How in the world did the remote end up under the tv stand, he'd never understand, but that was indeed where he found it. The vcr whirred as it rewinded the tape. He hoped he'd find the moment they stopped watching the movie last night, rudely interrupted by a shrill cry and loud wailing. The doctor warned him that teething could have many symptoms, but Salim quietly wished that constant crying and sleepless nights wouldn't be as bad as they were when the first tooth poked out. If only he knew how wrong he'd be.

This night was Jason's turn to attend to Zain when he simply refused to fall back asleep. Salim felt for their baby boy, he really did, and both of them tried anything they could to ease Zain's pain and discomfort, but with few things available, and even fewer of them working, they had only one way of dealing with a teething baby. Patience.

Unfortunately said patience has been wearing thin over the last couple days. So much so, both Salim and Jason have become snappy and irritated. Last night Jason proposed watching a dumb movie to "debrain" themselves, which Salim eagerly agreed to. Not that they succeeded. After they dealt with their little interruption, Salim ended up nodding off on one end of the couch, and woke up in the morning to Jason curled up and lightly snoring on the other.

There was hope however. While half an hour ago Zain had been crying his little heart out yet again, at this point things seemed pretty calm. The only sound Salim could hear was Jason quietly singing a lullaby. 

Salim smiled to himself as he moved a couple of Zain's toys out of the way, then stretched out on the couch and closed his eyes for a moment, focusing more on the lullaby. Who knew Jason of all people would have a great singing voice and an array of lullabies stashed somewhere in his brain. And that Zain would react so well to them. Their boy wasn't the only one who did so either. Salim loved Jason's voice just as much, and hearing it off in the distance with a soft pillow under his head was enough to lull him into a trance. 

"Their boy," Salim's mind honed in on that particular phrase. Zain was their boy now, not just his anymore, and that made his heart swell with love and affection for the man in the other room. Jason accepted Zain as his own pretty much immediately, surprising himself most of all. He was a blessing in many more ways than one, and Salim would never be able to give enough thanks to whatever power had brought them together, be it pure chance, or something more mystical. 

He snapped back to reality when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"You didn't just fall asleep on me, did you?" Jason teased, but the bags under his eyes told Salim just how much he'd like to do the same. Zain wasn't the only thing keeping them up at night. The nightmares were still vivid and frequent as well, even weeks after that awful day, and both of them had a feeling they wouldn't let up anytime soon.

"Almost," Salim stretched slightly and sighed. "Mission successful, I take it?"

Jason chuckled and gave him a mock salute, "The tiny wailing beast has been pacified with a lullaby and lots of cuddles. And that new teething gel the doc gave us. Now scooch."  

Salim felt a knee nudge his side, but didn't move a muscle. He was way too comfortable for that. Though moving could have saved his stomach and slowly scarring chest from being crushed by the full weight of an ex-Marine.

Even if Jason seemed to purposefully avoid his wound, Salim still gasped and groaned in surprise, "That hurt, habibi."

Jason simply shrugged and sneaked his arms around Salim's torso, "Should've moved."

Salim grumbled some more, but reached for the blanket anyway, and soon they were both snug and cozy. "I rewinded the tape already. I think I got the right spot."

"With how early you conked out we might as well watch the whole thing," Jason took the remote from Salim's hand and pressed the button to rewind the tape fully, ignoring any protests. 

With the most exaggerated eye roll he could manage Salim pushed himself deeper into the pillow and set his mind on focusing on the movie this time. As long as there would be no interruptions that is. He instinctively kept listening for any distressed sounds coming from Zain's room, but after hearing none he let himself relax. 

It was about halfway through the movie when he proudly announced, "See? I told you I'd watch it this time." Only he didn't get any kind of response. 

Salim craned his neck to glance at Jason's face and let out a low chuckle. 

With eyes closed, and mouth slack Jason was asleep on top of him. Probably has been for a while as well, judging by the crease on his cheek and one arm hanging loose off the side of the couch.

Salim paused the movie. The house was quiet, save for Jason's even breathing and the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall. Zain seemed to still be asleep, and the neighborhood cocooned them in quiet darkness, making the night perfect for catching up on some much needed rest.

"Oh well," Salim thought, and let his own eyes slip shut. "Take the little blessings as they come." They could try again tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that. They had all the time in the world.

[aritsukemo]

Chihiro and Kokichi with a crush on someone who acts like Kyoko Kirigiri

Warnings: Major spoilers to Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc and Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony! You have been warned!

A/N: Been rewatching playthroughs of the games while I was sick and got the itch to write something! There was so much more I wanted to do with Chihiro's part, but kind of backed myself into a corner when I decided to write this taking place during the killing game. No worries though, I plan to write a bunch more Chihiro x reader content in the future! ( Can you tell I love Chihiro? Lmao- )

↪ Off rip, Chihiro was very intimidated by you. Your stone cold exterior and the general vibe you gave off was kinda scary to him.

↪ He didn't talk to you at all during the first couple of days, simply watching and observing you whenever you made your presence known/whenever you spoke.

↪ During the first class trial, you absolutely owned it. You constantly kept everyone on track and gave them clues to help them figure out the mystery themselves and diverted them from anything that led them to the incorrect truth. You helped everyone crack the case without flat out giving them the answers and he found that really cool of you.

↪ When Leon's execution came, Chihiro felt a swarm of negative emotions to the point he couldn't contain his tears. It was terrible, all of it was. Even if Leon killed Sayaka and even though Sayaka attempted to muder Leon, he couldn't help but feel bad for the both of them..

↪ That following day or two, he was in a rather gloomy mood. Everyone was. After the events of what happened, he couldn't really stomach much food. It was a small thing and Chihiro thought no one had cared to notice his lack of appetite, but he was surprised that someone did; you did. One morning, he was presented with a large portion of a simple meal by none other than the stone cold mystery themselves.

↪ "Eat it if you'd like. If you don't trust it, that's fine too," Was all you said to him, but it made his heart do a backflip regardless. He didn't understand it, but the scene kept playing in his mind the rest of the morning which kept him red in the face the entire time..

↪ After that, Chihiro started observing you even more and he started picking up on the small things about you. How, although most of the others misinterpret your intentions, you truly don't mean harm to anyone and just want to find the way out like everyone else. You're actually really sweet but your tight-lipped and mysterious nature just throws everyone in the wrong direction, he thinks.

↪ The more he watched you and the more he interacted with you, ( although interactions with you didn't happen often ) the more his heart fluttered until it eventually evolved into something bigger. At first, he thought what he was feeling for you was simply admiration until one of the others pointed it out to him one day. The way he speaks about you with such passion, the way he sometimes stares at you like a puppy wanting attention, the amount of times he's caught staring at you.. To them, it was painfully obvious that he was crushing on you!

↪ Even with the knowledge of his crush on you, Chihiro made no attempt to act on it. For one, you two are in a killing game and you're probably way more worried about figuring out the mastermind and getting out of here than getting a partner and two, he was too embarrassed to. The last thing he wanted was for you to laugh or berate or be disgusted by him for pretending to be a girl because of how weak and sensitive he was.. ( The last thing he wants is to confess under the rouse of a girl anyway. )

↪ This ( along with the embarrassing secret motive ) ultimately boosted his motivation to achieve his goal; to get stronger. Once he's strong enough to protect you and his friends from any danger, then he'll tell you how he feels!

↪ He was determined, and unfortunately, that determination ultimately led to his untimely demise. It was ironic, especially with that conversation you had with him that afternoon prior..

↪ "I've decided! I have no other choice but to get stronger. I'll try my hardest and..! And when I do, I would like to talk to you about something very important, okay?" He had told you, eyes burning with uncharacteristic fire. It was..certainly a look for him. ( One that may or may not have made your heart do a few tricks without your permission.. ) And you remembered briefly mutter something to him about staying safe and not overdoing it..

↪ If only you had offered to join him. Maybe things would've went differently..

↪ Huh, how odd. It's not like you to be sentimental like this. Actually, as of late, a lot of things you've been doing have been out of character for you.. Honestly, what has gotten into you lately?

↪ Well, there's no time to dawdle on it right now. You have to seek justice for Chihiro. With the clues you've gathered, you already have a sneaking suspicion of who the culprit is..

↪ You immediately spiked Kokichi's interest. The fact that you didn't give him any information about yourself intrigued him. It was as if you had something to hide..

↪ When it came out that everyone would be participating in a killing game, Kokichi was surprised by how well you kept it together. Unlike everyone else who were in denial, you wholeheartedly believed the kubs and kept a levelhead about the whole ordeal. It was as if it didn't affect you at all..

↪ "You seem oddly calm about this. Don't tell me you're actually some psycho and was waiting on something like this." He said to you only to get silence in return as you outright ignored him.

↪ For the first day or two he observed you, but he quickly decided to take a more upfront approach and was all in your face. He was always trying to poke and prod and tease information out of you, but you never caved. He couldn't get under your skin at all.

↪ But he did, at least, get your name.

↪ When the first murder finally happened, you again, didn't panic. While everyone else were screaming their heads off, you talked to Monokuma, verifying things about the upcoming class trial before immediately starting your investigation.

↪ When the trial came about, you kept calm. As if you had done this a million times, you helped guide everyone. You gave hints and helped paint a clear picture of what happened. When everyone began to deny the truth, you, along with Kaede, helped everyone come to grips with reality.

↪ And then, when the killer was executed, you didn't freak out. He also noticed you saying something to Shuichi before swiftly leaving to go god knows where.

↪ And just like that his interest in you hit it's peak.

↪ He began speculating. What could you possibly be hiding? Why are you the way you are? How many times has something like this happened to you? Do you hold the key of getting out of here?

↪ Could you be the mastermind behind this? It's definitely a possibility..

↪ After the trial, Kokichi officially set his sights on you. He began to bug you even more.

↪ He would drag you around places and rope you into his shenanigans. To everyone else, it may have just looked like Kokichi was just doing it for the fun of it or to annoy you, but in actuality, he was doing it in an attempt to get a feel for your personality. He wanted to know what made you tick and what didn't. But alas, you were harder to crack than he expected.

↪ So, he began stalking you.

↪ Everytime you distanced yourself from the others and disappeared for long periods of time, he would try to follow after you, however..

↪ "Kokichi. I know you're there."

↪ ..he never got far before he was found out.

↪ Then the second murder rolled around and the cycle repeated. The body discovery announcement played, you gave no reaction to it, disappeared to start your own investigation, and carried the class trial.

↪ After the trial and execution, ( and after you saved his butt from Maki's wrath after he exposed a certain secret of hers ) he approached you with the supposed intention of wanting to be your friend. ( Although he worded it more as him wanting you to be his sidekick ) He didn't give you ang room to deny his friendship and before you knew it, he was shamelessly latched to you like some annoying pest.

↪ Almost everywhere you went, he attempted to tag along. Of course, if you were going on one of your little side investigations, you gave him the slip and he wouldn't be able to find you for a while.

↪ Other than that, you humored him. He talks your ear off and the conversations between you two are more or less one sided but he can tell you're listening to every little word he said and didn't mind his presence. Although he doesn't know much about you, he's gotten to know you enough to know that when you don't want to talk to someone, you'll make it very clear to them that you don't want to talk to them.

↪ And then something most bewildering happened. Shuichi gave you a gift.

↪ "How did you know I liked this?" Kokichi heard you say before you accepted the gift, "Uh..lucky guess? I honestly had no idea. It just seemed like something you'd like." He heard him say..

↪ "I see.. Well, thank you."

↪ Like the stalker he is, he watched the whole interaction and to Kokichi's surprise, he felt..odd watching you two interact. Although it wasn't the most intense feeling, it certainly wasn't a pleasant one..

↪ Anyways, the third murder rolls around and shortly after it happened, he stepped on a faulty floor board and..yeah y'all know what happened to him.

↪ When you and Shuichi found him, he was laid out on the floor and bleeding profusely from the head. Shuichi was startled at first, thinking he was dead, but upon him sitting up, the detective slowly stopped caring.

↪ Chuckling to himself, ( and feeling the very, very strong urge to vomit ) Kokichi stumbled to his feet. However, as soon as he did, you grabbed him by the arm..

↪ "You shouldn't move around so much. You likely have a concussion."

↪ "What..are you talking about? I'm..fine! Just..eheh.. Just peachy.." Another obvious lie. Honestly, what does he expect to gain from acting like this?

↪ After he let that ridiculous statement tumble from his lips, you forced him onto your back with ease. ( As expected, he's very light ) After telling Shuichi to continue his investigation, you left with Kokichi riding on your back.

↪ "Heyyyy, where are we going.. Do you plan to..to take me out while I'm like this..how..cruel, nishi..hi..heh.."

↪ You ended up taking him all the way back to your dorm because you remembered that you had some medical supplies lying around that you found while out on one of your side investigations. They weren't the best, but it was enough to make sure Kokichi wouldn't bleed out and die.

↪ With quick and kinda rough movements, you bandages up his head and the entire time you were supposed to spend investigating ended being spent in your room. After you finished bandaging his head, you dimmed the lights and applied a makeshift cold compress ( which you made by stuffing some ice in a bag and wrapping the bag in a thin towel ) to his head.

↪ Your eyes were completely on him the entire time and something about that made the displeasing feeling he felt before swell into something lighter and fluffier in his chest and around his heart. He didn't know what it was, but he's certain that he loved hated the feeling with a passion and hoped to never feel it again. Oh the lies he tells even himself

↪ The trial rolls around, and although you were kind of in the backseat for some time, you still managed to crack the case wide open. Well, with some help from Shuichi that is.

↪ Speaking of which, after the trial and execution, Kokichi began to notice the most bewildering thing; little Shuichi was getting oddly close to you.

↪ Like, a day or two after the trial, he saw you outside with Shuichi, Maki, and Kaito. You seemed to be working out with them but he took note of how you seemed the most responsive with Shuichi.

↪ An uncomfortable feeling bubbled in his chest, but even so, Kokichi, who had begun to slowly come to grips and realize his attraction towards you, pretended like he was fine. So what if you're hanging out with Shuichi? Lately, the detective has started to peak his interest and he plans to befriend him just like he did with you. Once he achieves that, he'll have you back and he'll have Shuichi to himself too!

↪ But alas, things didn't go as planned. Shuichi, untrusting of him, didn't want to be his friend. How sad..

↪ But he's not one to give up so easily. He'll find a way to rope him into this little game of his..one way or another.

↪ Fourth trial comes and the truth is revealed that Kokichi had a part in Miu's murder. Upon revealing the truth to everyone and completely ruining all the fun of the mystery, you seemed to be the one person to initially believe him. ( Although he noticed you seemed uncharacteristically bothered about the whole ordeal )

↪ Then Shuichi helped you further reveal what happened, forcing everyone to believe what really happened was the truth and that Gonta was the blackened. ( Gosh, it was agitating how in sync you two were )

↪ After the trial ended, things escalated. Kaito and Kokichi got into it and Kaito ended up lunging at Kokichi. However, it seemed the ultimate supreme leader was stronger than he let on ( or maybe something else is at play here.. ) and he ended up throwing his own punch which sent Kaito flying to the ground.

↪ That's when the others finally intervened.

↪ Shuichi, angered by everything that had happened, screamed at Kokichi. He yelled and fussed about how he was horrible and had no friends and how he had no one to turn to because he was horrible and blah blah blah.

↪ Kokichi didn't care much for his speech, ( it was nothing he hasn't been told already ) but his eyes seemed to drift to you. Unlike everyone else, you hadn't jumped to Kaito's defense nor were you screaming at him. In fact, you just stood in the back, watching with that iron expression of yours. How..like you..it was to do that, he thought.

↪ When he left, you followed after him.

↪ "That was quite the show you put on back there. Tell me, Kokichi. What are you planning?" You had asked him.

↪ "Heh, wellll since it's you I feel the sudden urge to spill everything, nishi~! ..Hm, fine then. I'll tell you for a kiss right here on the cheek, nishishishi~!" And then he saw it. For only a split second, he saw the surprise flash across your face. He saw your brows twitch and your eyes widen. He saw your cheeks flush.

↪ He finally saw you truly caught off guard and it was the cutest thing he's ever been able to witness. It's disgusting how much he's grown to like you, he thought. Not really.

↪ You didn't see him for a few days after the trial. You had no idea where he went, but you didn't bother wasting your time searching for him. Not that you could, with Kaito breathing down your neck wanting you to hang out with him, Shuichi, and Maki, you never found the reason or necessary time to go and look for him. ( But for some odd reason, you couldn't stop thinking about him. )

↪ And then he showed his face at last and when he did, he had weapons in tow.

↪ He claimed that he wanted to help end the killing game but of course no one believed him. Maki, who was at her wits end with the male, jumped to attack him and you, of course, jumped to his rescue.

↪ "Why do you always protect him? Are you two working together?" She questioned, her fiery crimson hues staring into you like sharpened blades.

↪ "..." Your silence gave nothing away as you stared back at her with your own icy gaze, gripping her by the arm as you awaited for her to release Kokichi.

↪ She let him go eventually.

↪ Kokichi then went on to explain what the weapons he persuaded Miu to make did ( the "electrohammers" as he put it ) before saying he'll no longer intervene with the others and their plans and leaving.

↪ And without a second thought, you followed after him which automatically labeled you a traitor in certain peoples' eyes. ( Cough cough Maki and Himiko cough cough )

↪ Alas, you quickly lost sight of him despite your tailing. But you couldn't give up now. He knows something and you're determined to find out what that something was.

↪ But all your efforts got you nowhere. You looked everywhere but couldn't find him, however when you finally reconvened with the others they all seemed oddly..depressed about something.

↪ You questioned each of them but only Shuichi would explain what happened while you were gone. Apparently, they used the electrohammers to cross that Death Road and found a large hatch that led outside. They got it opened but what they saw was simply despair-inducing..

↪ Everything was destroyed, there wasn't even air to breath out there. To put it simply, it was the end of the world.

↪ And the supposed mastermind behind the killing game had finally shown themselves and it was none other than the Ultimate Supreme Leader himself; Kokichi Ouma.

↪ But the whole story seemed..odd to you. Something about it simply didn't sit right ( especially with the evidence you had gathered while secretly investigating this place ) and in the end you incurred that at least some part of what went down was a lie. ( And you had a sneaking suspicion of which part it was )

↪ You ended up disappearing after that to do some more investigating. You spent the entire evening, night, and following morning digging up what you could. It was a shame it was cut short in one of the worst ways possible..

↪ "A body has been discovered! After a certain amount of time that you can spend however you'd like, the class trial will begin!" You certainly wasn't expecting that. And at a time like this..

↪ You make it to the crime scene soon after that and waste no time investigating. Everyone is certain that Kaito was the one who was murdered, but until you gather the clues and come to a collective verdict at the class trial, nothing is certain. ( Although, there's this sense of dread that's beginning to bubble at the pit of your stomach. You're hoping—praying—that it's not because of what you think it is.. )

↪ And then the class trial comes and for the first time, you were uncertain. You had a possibility or two, but with the clues presented, you weren't sure of anything..

↪ And after a long time of going back forth and around in circles, Kokichi's plan was finally revealed. His true goal was to end the killing game by making an unsolvable case where you aren't able to figure out who was murdered and who was the culprit.

↪ But then new evidence came about. Maki's confession and the video tape along with Shuichi's deductions helped you make a vital connection and that connection helped crack the entire case wide open. ( Because of you, Kokichi's final efforts were in vain.. )

↪ After the trial, no one was happy. I mean, how could they be? The blackened was Kaito. Aside from that, for some reason, you just seemed a little too upset. Something about the entire situation, about Kokichi's entire plan to kill himself for the chance to end this killing game, to stop the suffering, it made your heart sting. It effected you more than you would've liked and Kaito seemed to notice that.

↪ "I know you really liked him, Y/n," He told you, "He really liked you too. He never outright admitted it, but I could tell.. He wouldn't stop talking about ya'! Even..even in his final moments.."

↪ Was that supposed to make you feel better? Because it didn't. All it did was make things worse. You wish he would've just kept that to himself. Kokichi was thinking of you until the very end? What was the point of putting that painful thought into your head? It was unnecessary.

↪ And so, as soon as Kaito's execution was over. You fled the scene, silently but hurriedly. You knew why, but you didn't want to accept it. To accept that you left in such a rush because you couldn't keep your emotions in check..

↪ Ugh, that damn Kokichi! Could he have been anymore selfish? Forcing his way into your life, making you feel such wonderful inconvenient emotions, only to snatch all of it away and leaving you with the miserable feeling of anguish..

↪ He was truly the worst, you thought.

Dividers were made by me, pictures used are from Pinterest, post formatting is inspired by @xxsabitoxx

[nanaminsmoon]

Ngl that suburban eren & hood princess reader fic had me in SHAMBLESS #itwassooogood! If you have the time though it would be real cool to see how this duo became to be and how they met!

thank youu frenn!! this took a minute but i hope it's okay🤭

cw: pnv, unprotected sex, marking, eren being a dick, eren calls reader; 'princess', 'baby', 'good girl', n word usage,

wc: 3015

”but i can’t handle you, right?”, the irony in that statement came from the fact that both of eren’s hands sat on your hips, pulling you onto his dick to stop you running from it. you couldn't think of a single time you had been fucked this good. so, physically, you couldn’t take it. and that’s why your feet kept trying to save your sanity, and cervix, by shifting you from his grasp.

”n-no”, you shook your head at his question. eren’s frustration was palpable, because he had been hearing that he ‘couldn’t handle you’ for so long that it had grown into an obsession. partly due to its falsehood; eren knew he could handle you. if given the chance, he would handle you until your walls remembered every vein on his dick, and the hickies he had left on your body, made it uncomfortable for you to dress yourself in the morning. when those words had been said, in jest, by his friends, he was able to shrug them off. but that assumption had proved very difficult to evict from his shoulders once your lips were the ones it was exiting from.

a chance friendship between neighbouring grandparents, meant that you and eren found yourselves in the same friendship circle. levi was the one who introduced eren to everyone and, granted you mainly saw each other at functions, you had quickly caught eren’s attention. never one to go out, eren avoided parties at all costs. but, if alerted that you’d be attending, best believe he’d have his fit planned and laid out the night before. unfortunately for him, those adorations were not reciprocated, because you paid no attention to the boy. in your eyes, eren was a rich white kid hanging out with hood niggas as a way to pretend to be someone he’s not. when you’d brought that up to some of your other friends, they’d refuted it,

”nah, we cool wit’ eren”, ony had shaken his head at you. even after hearing that, your opinions concerning the brunette would remain unchanged, as you’d always see him as a spoiled white suburban boy who was using you and your friends to cosplay a lifestyle he didn't lead.

so, naturally, his liking towards you was never known to you, nor was it ever a concern. because, as mentioned, you did not care for the boy at all. it wasn’t necessarily disdain, just apathy. and a part of eren knew that, but no amount of awareness could stop his eyes from glossing over every time they landed on you. nor could it stop the corners of his mouth from rising when the sight of your laughing form graced his pupils. everyone around him could see it, and half of your friends thought it to be cute and laughed it off. but others decided to take it upon themselves to save him from the impending heartache sure to come when you inevitably rejected him. eren didn’t understand and whenever he did question their rationale, he’d always get the same answer,

”she just likes her niggas a little…rough around the edges”, ony had once answered, to which eren’s face screwed in outraged confusion.

”okay?”, eren questioned, not understanding why that preference meant you could never like him specifically.

”he’s saying you’re too soft”, levi clarified jokingly, and when eren looked to see ony nodding in confirmation, an indignated scoff would leave his mouth. eren kept to himself, so no one knew what he was like behind closed doors. not to say that the difference between those two versions of himself were vast, it’s just that everyone just took what they saw of him in public as who he was as a whole. because eren was impassive, if people caused him problems, he was the type of guy to just walk away. and that was simply because he didn’t like giving his energy to those who don’t deserve it.

but to you, he wanted to give his energy and so much more. anything you wanted, he was willing to provide for you in the highest quality. every dollar of his parent’s money would be gathered and used to fulfil your every desire, if that’s what you requested. a chunk of his heart shifted to sit in his throat every single time he saw you, and that’s something he couldn’t ignore. the feeling was far too premature to be called ‘love’, but it excited him to know that it could get there, should it be given a chance for it to blossom freely. that’s why he chose to ignore all the ‘warnings’, and just walk up to you and, at least, try to spark up a conversation.

you couldn’t remember where you had heard it first, but once the rumour was in the air, it festered. that rumour being the one that claimed that the green-eyed boy, who drove a tesla, was supposedly in love with you. once one person said it, it became people’s primary method of greeting you. and every single time, it’d be met with unbothered snickers, and eye rolls, from yourself,

”the fuck’s that gotta do with me?”, you had laughed out. it wasn’t just because you thought he was poser, but he just wasn’t your type. it was no secret that you an affinity for pretty boys, but eren was too pretty. he was disney prince pretty, and he had the manner to match it. now, there’s nothing wrong with a well-mannered man, but eren spoke with his chest concaved, and moved like he feared taking up space. meaning he was a terrible match for you, because you needed a nigga who could put you in your place, and wouldn’t just cower in front of you and let you bitch him around.

that being said, the only thing about eren that you didn’t take issue with was his princely good looks. because eren was fine, and you were able to admit that. not publicly, but you were able to acknowledge it, even if you’d never express it to anyone with working ears. you some may argue that the moment that you got close to saying it aloud was caused by people inflating your head with thoughts of him. that had been the moment you looked up to the door, leading to the kitchen you and your friends were sat at to get away from the rest of the party, to see eren stood, hands in his pockets, and eyes practically cutting you in half with how harsh they were looking. in the place of the compliment that you nearly blurted out, came a deep breath before you turned to look away from him. eren would take notice of your reaction, and that’s what would encourage him to walk over to you. you'd see him move, but his destination would be a mystery to you, until you felt a nudge to your side followed by a joke from your friend,

”your boyfriend’s here”, she nodded in his direction and, once you saw what she was nodding at, you rolled your eyes. the next time you’d look to eren, he’d be stood right in front of you with a friendly smile on his face,

”hey.”, he said, raising a hand. you’d manage to hear him over the music, but you wouldn’t give him much.

”hm”, was the only response he got from you, further cementing the notion that speaking to you wouldn’t be easy. but that wouldn’t stop him from trying.

”i…uh…i’m eren”, he said, more nervously than he had intended. the fear of you thinking he was too soft made him nervous, inadvertently making him seem more cowardly than he was. everyone’s assumptions about his character were being confirmed in your mind, and seeing it on your face made his nerves rise.

”y/n.”, you said, and he nodded as if he wasn’t already aware.

”nice to meet you”, he replied. though not formally, the both of you had met before. meaning that you knew of each other, but had never really spoken. so you weren’t exactly comfortable with each other, nor were you keen on getting to that point.

”the fuck d’you want, my nigga?”, you asked and, having only ever known you to be a bubbly person, the austerity of your words surprised eren.

”just wanted to tell you that you’re really pretty”, he said, and your lips did threaten to form a flattered smile, and you’d let them get halfway before you decided to shut him down.

”thanks, but you’re not my type”, the signal that the conversation was over, came in the form of a smile toward the brunette before you turned to face your friend. but eren wouldn't let that discourage him, and he’d just speak to the side of your face.

”they said you’d say that. but…just give me a chance”, his words would make you smirk, because their nature seemed brash, yet they had no air of confidence about them. uneasy green eyes would see you lean to whisper something to your friend, who’d laugh once she heard what you said.

”you can’t handle me, babe”, you challenged, straightening your posture and crossing your arms. a laugh would resound from beside you, as your friend examined eren’s dumbfounded expression.

that interaction would lead to your hands on a bathroom sink, gripping on for dear life. once bored with the flesh around your hips, one of eren’s hands would wrap around your torso to press on the bulge his dick was making in your stomach. his bottom lip would be between his teeth, as he bit back all the pleasure your own was causing him. to you, eren was fucking you with this much vigour as a means of proving something. but eren knew that the reason for his pace, was the fact that his daydreams had come into manifestation. displays his brain had aroused, every time he looked at you, were pressed against his chest, and reflected off the mirror in front of him. in fact, none of it would feel real if it wasn't for his daydream tightening around him in a way that his subconscious could never conceive.

any preconceived notions you had held about eren, had been fucked out of your brain, to spill into the basin underneath you. the ferocity of his thrusts was allowing no time for you to even think, or question the way you once thought of him. and, if pleasure wasn't securing your eyes shut, you would see that the man behind you had been in front of you all this time and you had made the mistake of bypassing him. at first, eren had asked you to meet his eyes in the mirror in front of you, to test your resolve. but the sound of your exposed ass cheeks meeting his hip bone, invited his attention to its origin. his eyes would invite his hand to join them, and it'd accept and move to massage, and slap at, the skin there—admiring the way it recoiled upon meeting his hand.

one of his hands would be on your jaw, and the sight of your skin meeting, inadvertently made him fuck you harder than he had ever intended to. the sight of it made his hips move faster to chase the release the sight of the ring at the base of his dick teased him with. but, in your mind, this man was fucking all his resentment toward you into your womb. weakness encompassed your every limb to the point where even the fingers holding on to your only support were beginning to cramp and give out. the dick was so good, you had forgotten who was fucking you, until you looked at him in the mirror. prince charming had developed a villainous streak, and you could feel it in your stomach. at that moment, there’s nothing you wanted more than to turn around and leave a trail of lip gloss stains starting on his face, moving to his neck, and making a pit stop on his thighs as you moved down to take his length in your mouth. aided by eren, those thoughts would edge you closer and closer to your end,

”shit, you’re so fucking tight for me, baby”, he said, groaning at the feeling of your walls squeezing his length.

”’rrren, i’m gonna cumm”, your back arched off his chest, as you heard your own moans bouncing off the bathroom tiles to slap you on any exposed skin eren wasn’t already holding.

”be a good girl and beg me for it.”, eren’s lips grazed against your ear, before he kissed your lobe—moving to kiss down the side of your neck, and bite down on it. his eyes would flicker to your reflection, and you’d see his lips smile around the skin they were covering. you wanted to maintain your facade of immovability so bad, but eren’s actions were only making you moan more.

”fff-fuck you”, you’d chide, gripping onto the porcelain even harsher, and cursing under your breath. eren would organise his lips into a pout as he feigned offence.

”that’s not very nice”, his face looked hurt, but his hastening hips suggested otherwise. eren wasn't just doing this to spite you, but to also get you closer to your end, so you'd concede faster,

”you bein’ real mean for someone who’s crying for more dick”, he began kissing on your neck again, biting harder this time. there was no time to be in pain, because it all just felt so good. this man barely knew you, but he understood your body in a way only a lover should.

”i’m not c-crying”, you said, and a smug scoff would leave eren's shining lips, before they'd wobble dramatically in imitation of your own. hiding your bottom lip in between your teeth, you'd look down at your feet in embarrassment. the eren you were seeing, differed so much from the eren you had known, that the knot in your stomach couldn't help but tighten. the only word to describe him, was ‘mean’. and you had to question if this was just an act but, looking at how his expressions didn’t change at seeing your teary eyes, you knew that this is who he'd always been. with this epiphany, you knew you'd become the one to chase him, as opposed to your dynamic thus far.

”y-you’re n-n-not?”, he mocked, copying your fucked out stutter, ”then what’s this, baby?”, he wiped a falling tear from your face, its resting place soon being occupied by a gentle kiss. that iota of kindness would coerce a blissful sigh from your lips.

”just say please, princess, and i’ll give it to you”, eren said, quietly. he had expected more backtalk, but he’d be surprised to find that your mouth would open to adhere without hesitation.

”pleasee”, you whined, blinking out more tears, and eren tsked before grabbing your jaw and turning you to face him,

”please what, baby?”, he said, placing a sweet kiss on your lips that almost erased the actions of the man behind you from your memory. but once you felt his eyes pierce through you when he pulled back, it'd all come flooding back. you’d obey, and the place his tip reached caused a raise in the volume of your voice.

”let me cummmm, pleaseee”, you said. a small smile would be on eren's face as he moved to place one more kiss on your forehead. then your wishes would be granted when he wrapped a hand around you to rub your clit. overstimulation to that degree had always been a myth to you, but it was hard to deny it when you could feel it dripping down your leg to trickle onto the floor beneath your bodies. an army of goosebumps was raised to attention all over you, but eren would be seemingly unphased by it. or, at least, that's what you'd initially thought. but, looking at his reflection, you could see the concentration his face, and you could feel his fingertips digging deeper into your skin, telling you that he was close too.

”gonna let me nut in you?”, he asked, against the heated skin on your neck, and you'd pose no contention. even if you hadn't been nodding furiously, your want for his nut was evident in the way you were moving back on him, using yourself to get him off.

”i need it, eren, pleaseee”, you crooned, drawing a prideful smirk from eren. the sight of you using your body to get him off, did half of the work for you. in fact, if you didn't feel so fucking good, it could've made him nut on its own.

”look how good you’re being for me”, his smirk touched your temple as he kissed it. desperation to please would move your head in a nod and, soon, the reward for your good behaviour would spread warmly inside you as eren held your hips to a standstill. his head would be rested on your shoulder, commencing a few seconds of quiet filled only by muffled music and heavy breaths. when eren did lift his head to watch you in the mirror, he'd see you still trying to catch your breath,

”y’know you’re easier to handle than you think”, he chortled, before you'd both be wincing at him pulling out of you.

© Rights owned by nanaminsmooninc. Do not repost without permission.

[ch3rry-bombb]

setting the scene

luke hughes x fem!reader

summary: just as everything is going wrong, and you feel like the universe has something against you, you meet a certain someone who changes your point of view

warnings: harrassment, a little bit of cursing, shitty writing

word count: 2.3k

i hope you enjoy this, my first piece of writing.

of course you were familiar with the idea of karma.

in theory, you always thought it was a great way of thinking. if you put good into the world, you'd get something back. 

so you always tried your hardest to make other people happy, give them the benefit of the doubt, not only in hopes that you'd be rewarded, but also because you truly wanted the best for others.

but over time, you lost faith in the idea, as it seemed that no matter how well you treated other people, how much good you put out into the world, nothing ever came back to you, at least not for long. 

the night had started out great, you'd already downed a few drinks, and you and your friends were having the time of your lives dancing to "today's top hits." 

but of course with your luck, something had to go wrong.

some girl who'd obviously had more drinks than she could handle, decided it would be a good idea to walk through the dance floor with multiple full glasses in hand. it goes without saying that she ended up spilling the contents of her cups, straight down your dress, the cold liquid freezing against your hot skin.

only when you went to wash the stain out did you remember that you were wearing a tight white dress, which, in your current situation, was practically see through.

logic told you it would've been a good idea for you to leave at that point, but instead, you opted that you didn't want to ruin your friend's nights, so you decided to stay for just a bit longer.

eventually, your dress dried, and the stain was just barely visible, for which you were extremely grateful. 

spotting the nearly empty glasses in all of your friends' hands, you decided to be nice and go grab another round of drinks. this was your second mistake.

the intoxicated people dancing all around you made you uncomfortable, and by the time you had told the bartender what you wanted, you were jittery and uneasy. within seconds, a man who had to be at least ten years older than you took a seat on the stool closest to you, despite the fact that nearly all of the others were vacant.

you shot him a polite smile before opening up your phone and scrolling through instagram, but you were all too aware of the fact that his gaze was burning a hole through the side of your head. 

again, logic pleaded with you to just leave right then and there, you knew your friends would understand, but being the people-pleaser you were, you still persisted on staying and waiting for your drinks. 

"you here all alone, eh?" his words had your heart beating hard in your chest. 

damn you, universe, you thought. why couldn't you just let me have one good night?

"no, i'm here with my friends," you replied nervously before adding quickly, "and my boyfriend." it was obvious you were lying, but you were grasping for straws just to get him to stop talking to you.

"it's alright, no need to lie to me." though his words themselves weren't especially threatening, the look on his face and the way he spoke made you on edge. he continued to stare at you, awaiting a response. he placed a hand on your thigh.

you'd had enough, so you slipped off your chair and began to walk away, when you felt a hand on your wrist. 

"what's wrong, baby? i didn't even do anything," he asked, an irritated look on his face.

you tried again to take your hand out of his clutches, but to no avail. you told him to let go, to stop, but he didn't care, simply tightening his grasp on your arm and insisting that you stay and "wait for your drinks."

praying to whatever higher being that the bartender would come back soon and see the unfortunate situation you were in, you looked around desperately, only to find that no one was paying attention to what was going on. 

what did i do to you to deserve this? you bargained with the universe, who left your question seemingly unanswered, silence left in its wake.

a second later, you jolted at the feeling of large hands grabbing onto your shoulders from behind you, and felt someone's head rest atop yours. you turned around in fear, and found yourself eyeing a boy who had to be around your age with curly hair and green eyes, peering right back down at you. 

you expected him to leave once he saw your face and realized he didn't know who you were, but instead he continued to look at you, smiling sincerely.  the man from before immediately dropped your wrist.

"hey angel," the boy beamed down at you. 

"hi…babe?" you responded hesitantly, leaning into him once you realized this was no mistake, the curly haired boy was helping you out. 

his arms found their way around your shoulders, hugging you from behind.

"is this guy bothering you or something?" he asked, picking up your bruising wrist delicately, and turning his attention to the older guy who seemed feeble compared to your saviour.

"no, no bro, i didn't do anything. i swear, i'm sorry," the man stumbled over his words, his demanding and harsh demenaor having faded away in a heartbeat.

"y'sure you're okay then?" he asked, redirecting his attention to you. you nodded in response, giving him a small, reassuring smile. 

"alright, i'll walk you back to the table, then," he nodded to himself before turning back to the man one last time, "and stop hitting on girls half your age, man. it's fucked up."

he led you away, hands intertwined, as the man scrambled out of his seat and away to another part of the bar. neither of you said anything for a few seconds until you interrupted the silence.

"thank you so much. i don't know how to repay you, that guy was really…" you trailed off, a shiver passing through your body just at the thought of his disgusting hands on your wrist.

he nodded in agreement. "of course, i couldn't just leave you there like that."

"can i get you something to drink, a beer, anything, to thank you," you pleaded, looking up at him as the two of you stopped walking, opting to stand near the bar in an area that wasn't too crowded. you saw the hesitant look on your face and continued your thought, "oh, unless you have a girlfriend or something, sorry, god, i should've asked before i said anything."

the boy grinned at your flushed face, "well, first off, my name's luke, and no, i don't have a girlfriend."

"oh ok, that's good," you said before realizing what you had said, "i meant to say that's good to know, not that it's good that you don't have a girlfriend. fuck, i didn't-"

"it's okay, i got what you meant," he chuckled. you put your face in your hands out of embarrassment, your face now bright red. once you had calmed down, you introduced yourself to luke, and offered once again to buy him something to drink.

luke knew he should be keeping this to himself, but you seemed like you wouldn't judge him or at the very least he felt like you wouldn't tell anyone else, so the next words that came out of his mouth were, "i'm only twenty. i can't drink. the bouncer knew my brother and he let me in, but my brother doesn't want me drinking." 

now it was his turn to be embarrassed, as he suddenly felt out of place, as though you were silently making fun of him, even though he knew you weren't. 

"oh, that's fine! i only just recently turned twenty-one anyway, so i get it," you shrugged, obviously trying to comfort him since his neck and the tips of his ears were pink.

all of a sudden, a guy with fluffy brown hair and blue eyes who was a few inches shorter than luke and seemed a bit tipsy came up to the two of you and slung an arm around luke's shoulders. the unfamiliar boy turned to you, having just noticed you were there, and a grin spread across his face.

"hey lukey boy, who's this, huh? you got yourself a girlfriend?" the boy chirped at the curly haired boy who rolled his eyes at his antics.

"angel, this is jack, my older brother. in case you couldn't tell, he's a little bit drunk," luke deadpanned, peeling his brother's arm off of his shoulders.

smiling at jack, you told him your name and explained how you and luke had just met a few minutes ago.

"oh, rusty's already got a nickname for you," he beamed, turning to look at his younger brother, who yet again rolled his eyes but the smile on his face showed that he wasn't really all that annoyed.

"anyway, lukey, d'you wanna come introduce your new girl to the team?" jack questioned, already beginning to walk back in the direction he came. 

"she's not my girl, rowdy." 

"and with that attitude she never will be!" 

you let out a laugh and luke turned to you, asking if you wanted to go meet his team. you nodded in agreement, and sent a text to your friends apologizing that you didn't get the drinks yet and that you met a nice guy but you'd be back sometime soon, and if anything, that you could uber home.

luke grabbed your hand, intertwining it with his, and began to pull you in the direction that his brother had gone. before you reached your destinanton, he explained that he and his brother played hockey and he was at the bar with some of his teammates and friends. 

quickly, you approached a circular booth filled with five guys and a girl, all of whom began to shout things, most of them teasing luke about "finally bagging a girl." 

you slid into the booth, and you could swear you felt a spark when luke sat down next to you, your thighs touching.

from across the table, jack recited the names of everyone at the table: jesper, nico, dawson, and john, and followed up by introducing you to the table.

the girl who you had ended up sitting next to interrupted jack before he could continue his drunken rambling.

"well i, for one, am glad that there's gonna be another girl around here. and rusty seemed lonely anyway." for a second, you felt jealousy flicker in your chest, thinking she was a friend of luke's, before she continued her thought, turning so that she could speak to you directly.

"i'm emily, by the way, i'm jack's girlfriend, it's nice to meet you."

"nice to meet you too," you grinned, all feelings of jealousy dissipating. you got to know her for a bit as luke started talking with dawson. 

eventually, you and luke fell back into conversation together, and your personalities seemed to just click. everytime you said something, he would have a quick remark to add, and whenever he spoke, you found yourself hanging onto every last word he said, sincerely interested in what he was talking about. 

luke wasn't sure why, but for some reason, whether it was just that your presence was so comforting, or that he was in desperate need for some new friends in jersey, but he felt an overwhelming desire to spill all of his secrets to you. 

you learned that he played for the new jersey devils in the nhl, and although hockey had never really been something you were interested, you made a mental note to look up when the next game was so that you could try to catch some of it on tv. 

as odd as it may have sounded, it made luke happy that you didn't know who he was before he introduced himself. it assured him that you had a genuine interest in him, and didn't care that he played in the nhl, or that he and his brothers were some of the most famous hockey players of his generation.

by the end of the night, it felt like the two of you had known each other for ages, the disturbing man from earlier long forgotten.

as the two of you exchanged numbers, you were glad you didn't go home earlier, that you had gone against logic's advice. 

you bid the rest of the team goodbye, not being able to escape the comments from jack, announcing how cute he thought the two of you looked together. 

you and luke were forced to part, both of you sporting matching smiles on your faces, and promised to text each other and meet up sometime the following week.

you found yourself unable to wipe the grin off of your face as you walked back to where your friends were still sitting, who all giggled at the sight of you all love-drunk and unusually cheerful. while you recounted your story about how you met luke, all your friends could see that you were practically glowing and seemed happier than ever. 

they all took a quick liking to the boy who had made you this happy, even without meeting him.

maybe the universe wasn't plotting against you. maybe everything that had happened was planned out, setting the scene for you to be able to meet the wonderful, bright-eyed, curly haired boy that you had. you just hoped it lasted.

i feel like i wrote this really bad, but i just want to publish it and stop staring blankly at my writing, but if you read all the way to the end, hopefully you liked it!

part 2 coming soon, maybe? 💛🌼☀

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

Okay, let's talk about NC/Ra*e Kink

disclaimer: Thoughts are under a cut due to the sensitive nature of the topic.

disclaimer: This is not a post endorsing or condemning the kinks. It is simply a discussion about them.

Some kinks are more niche than others. Some kinks aren't widely accepted. Some kinks are very nuanced and will elicit contradictory or confusing feelings.

When I first came across non-consensual (NC) and rape kink fics, I was a little bit jarred. I couldn't understand why someone would want to write it or how someone could enjoy reading it. To me it was very triggering and upsetting, so I didn't interact with "dark fic" like that.

Still, I had a genuine curiosity as to why people were attracted to the kink even if I didn't enjoy it myself. Sexuality is a very broad spectrum, and I try to be open minded if not for just gaining the understanding of a different point of view.

I wanted to ask questions to readers and writers of the kink, but it's such an inflammatory subject in fandom that I couldn't figure out how to do it without it coming across like I was being rude or condemning. Eventually I was able to talk directly to people about it who knew I wasn't coming from a place of judgment. This was on top of looking into things on my own (like reading articles, think pieces, historical/social takes on it, etc.).

Here's a quick list of what I learned:

SURVIVORS: WRITERS — Many of the writers of the kink had been subjected to sexual violence. When you're writing, you can dictate the characters, the dialogue, the plot points, etc. You are in control of what happens. For some survivors, it is a therapeutic exercise in "rewriting" an experience where they had zero control into an experience where they control every facet of what happens.

SURVIVORS: READERS — Readers of the kink have the buffer of a fictional exploration of it and can choose to exit out of a story if they no longer enjoy it or it becomes too much for them, which was not an option in their actual lived trauma. There is also the distance between themselves and the story, which creates a safety buffer where they can engage with the sensitive topic in an indirect way if they so choose.

SEXUAL AUTONOMY — If you pick up any given romance novel, there's a decent chance the kidnapping trope is in there. This roughly entails some physically bigger/stronger man whisking a woman away against her will and then forcing her into a sexual situation where she ends up enjoying it despite it not being consensual. There might even be bits of "this isn't supposed to feel good" and "why do I feel like I'm enjoying this?" sprinkled into it. This trope is in large part due to the limited sexual freedom of women in the past (and present, but notably in the past). Because the woman wasn't initiating or even agreeing to the sexual act, she is relieved of the responsibility of said act. She didn't ask or choose for it to happen, so she does not have ownership of the sexual act. (I know this isn't reality because unfortunately many women are burdened with the "responsibility" for their assault, but please keep in mind I'm speaking on the fantasy/fantasizing aspect of this.) Because of historical and social expectations of chastity in women, one of the few ways that it was even "acceptable" to explore sexual acts was through means of coercion. The fantasy that you don't have to endure the societal repercussions of your sexual act because you didn't initiate it or execute it is sometimes the only way that women knew or felt comfortable in accepting a sexual experience.

SEXUAL DOMINATION — For some people, the idea of being completely sexually dominated and controlled is their biggest fantasy. There's a thrill to not knowing what will happen or when it will happen or how it will happen. Having zero control is akin to being able to turn their brain off and just exist and feel. This bleeds into consensual non-consent (CNC) kink and domination/submission kink as well with NC kink being the more "extreme end" of the spectrum imo.

These points do not exist in a vacuum, and it is not a comprehensive list of factors. Again, this is not an endorsement or a rejection of the kink. I am simply sharing my thoughts on what I have learned over time in the hopes that it can clarify things for others who maybe were curious like me but weren't sure how to learn or where to start.

[girlcrushart]

Firmly in the "did not see that coming" camp, apparently Sydney Sweeney's tits have caused the end of wokeness? I'm being serious. That's actually a thing. Here's some actual quotes from in the internet. From the Spectator: "For anyone under the age of 25, they've likely never seen it in their lifetime—as the giggling blonde with an amazing rack has been stamped out of existence, a creature shamed to the brink of extinction." Like wtf? Has this person not ever been on the internet? Seen a movie? Or a TV show? Then there's this gem: "Wokeness is no match for Sydney Sweeney's undeniable beauty." A headline from a piece in the National Post! A Canadian publication! Written by a woman! What The Actual Fuck? I really had to do some deep dive research to even begin to understand how these things are related in any way. Unfortunately, what has happened is basically that the word woke no longer has any meaning. Which is sad. Because really, what being woke has always meant to me is being compassionate, understanding, open to other points of view. At the heart of it is the idea of just letting people be who they are. And you know, that includes gorgeous blondes with amazing racks. Sydney Sweeney knowing she has great tits and showing them off is... honestly... woke. Unfortunately, people opposed to the idea of basic human decency and allowing people to simply be themselves and live their lives in peace have co-opted the term to basically mean anything they don't like or that makes them feel bad for their horrible thoughts. And possibly they believe that thinking that Sydney Sweeney is hot because she has great boobs is somehow unacceptable? It's not btw. We all like Sydney's boobs. They're spectacular. You know, supporting the notion that someone is free to, say, express their own gender identity is a very woke pov. But like, dudes, that's literally what she's doing! We make room for that over here in the woke camp! You're non-binary and sometimes dress like a boy and other times like a girl and use they/them pronouns? Go ahead, you be you! You wanna wear a tiny dress that emphasizes your cleavage when you jump up and down with excitement? Go ahead, you be you! It's just as woke to defend Sydney Sweeney's right to show off her tits as it is to defend Hunter Schafer's to show off hers! That's kinda the whole point. Nice try, jerks, but Sydney's boobs didn't kill wokeness at all. You're weirdos and your stupid arguments get more and more bizarre every day. Today's girlcrushart guardian is Sydney Sweeney.

[userautumn]

I don’t think O Stark was trying to be malicious or biphobic but he worded some answers poorly and kind of came off a tad heartless. Also, this week hasn’t been a good week for many people and add in a major part of the fandom saying bucktommy bones, his comments must feel like the last straw especially because up until this point, he seemed really positive about the relationship.

I mean, I won't say he seemed positive about the relationship at all, to be honest. He's been positive about Buck being bisexual, which a lot of people unfortunately and wrongly conflated with him being positive about the Queer relationship itself. But Oliver has always seemed neutral about Buck and Tommy together, which is fair and a non-issue to me. His eager endorsement is not required for him to be a professional and do his job, which he did. I think a lot of people set themselves up for disappointment in a lot of significant ways by trying to compare the way Oliver spoke about Buddie to the way he spoke about BuckTommy by convincing themselves the two are/were comparable. But they weren't. I understand why people did it—with so many loud voices invalidating or speaking negatively about the ship, it was very easy to try and create valid "defenses" to combat that. But in doing so, I think people placed way more weight on Oliver's scant interactions with the ship than maybe he intended.

So now, we fast forward to the present where Oliver, the actor, is thrilled that Buck, the character, is single and Oliver, the actor, can explore what it means to have fun with and play a bisexual character on screen. It's okay for him to feel this way, and to want to have fun with this character now that he's not in a monogamous relationship. But the way he phrased this sentiment came across, to some people, as a mimicry of what we've been hearing all summer—that Buck needs to "explore his bisexuality" in order for his sexuality to be valid, which is biphobic and is also simply not true. So high emotions, and Oliver's own careless word choice, created a perfect storm of biphobic accusations that aren't one hundred percent fair, especially considering how carefully this show has treated this character and this relationship thus far.

I understand the hurt feelings, I really do. A lot of people who relied on this escapism and who put high hopes into BuckTommy endgame are trying to find equilibrium after this surprising shake-up, and I truly do get it. I'd just caution and advise people to not let their emotions become so inflamed that they lose sight of rationality and decency, and to maybe check their own fandom interactions/beliefs to make sure they didn't succumb to a BuckTommy hivemind in the same way Buddies often succumb to a Buddie hivemind.

[johntayjinf]

i caved in and bought renoise

also sorry tumblr i constantly delete this because i have way too many mixing hiccups to fix... was being too hasty haha

for a tracker with daw features like track mixers, vst support, automation, filters etc., it's pretty impressive what you can do with it. finally i get to do hq music without having to wrap my head around more conventional daws; i like the inconvenience of modern tracker interfaces myself, actually.

the first time i had to arrange for something hq like this, the biggest obstacle and wake-up call i had to face was the fact that uh, my mixing skills weren't up to snuff. fixing it was a nightmare. biggest thing i didn't know at the time of arranging was that sidechaining the bass was really important, otherwise the bass drum (kick) wouldn't be heard and be overpowered by the bass. this was pointed out to me by a server member of ours, lolwe. they've been mixing for about 7-8 years and counting so they understand it pretty well... and actually the final mix was made just this morning to actually fix the entire mix lol.

other more minor mixing issues were ironed out with eq-ing, which i have a bit of experience of, though it was pointed out by dinebon_, yet another (new!) server member, who was primarily a bassist. they also pointed out some unwanted dissonance i had put in for the arrangement.

i understand that mixing is pretty much subjective and everyone does it differently, but it should be worth pointing out that there are some rookie mistakes that someone like me _can_ make. i may be a good arranger but this mix wouldn't have sounded better if it weren't for people giving me advice and pointers on how to fix things. i definitely think that getting input from a variety of artists who have different strengths helps to put a mix together and give listeners a more comfortable listening experience, so from now on, i'll be at the very least, sidechaining my basslines with the kick for better mixing. sorry if this doesn't sound great for everyone lol

the vst i used on the other hand, has _a lot_ of technical problems.

i think we all here love the sound canvas series of midi synthesizers, but i unfortunately do not have the money to buy the physical hardware (yet), so i stuck to the roland cloud sc vst. god, it is a terrible technical mess...

obviously the sc is sampled beautifully, and is iconic in the video game music world, but how the hell do you mess up a vst _this_ badly? it has _inverted stereo_, which is, a fad from waaaaaay back when. i'm happy i got to simply fix this through audacity but good grief, man. i had to export each instrument one by one just so i could identify which instruments were cancelling themselves out on mono and which ones weren't. genuinely horrifying stuff. there are also the in-built low-end and high-end boosters, but what about the mids? i'm going to assume that it's just a feature of the time but god i honestly wish they added middle frequency knobs. not that i can't fix that with eq post-production, but i'd rather not do that (especially for the main melody) unless if the problem really is a big deal. again, i love the sound canvas, but i wish that the vst were better; the technical problems i had to work with ended up souring the experience. i wish people could actually fix it some day and turn it into something greater. i'll likely use the vst again but i also want to mix in other instrument and sample libraries as well!

in the meantime, this arrange gave me a crave for kirby again. i love kdl3 sm, it is my favorite game of the gb - snes era of games. idk how but jun ishikawa writes these intoxicating songs for kirby and i am just left to rot listening to them. they are waaaayy too good.

[atelierlili]

#thgreread2024: Chapter 1

"Look at what I shot." Gale holds up a load of bread with an arrow stuck in it, and I laugh. It's real bakery bread, not the falt dense loaves we make from our grain rations.

I'm doing the reread of the Hunger Games with my lovely friends. Its one chapter a day so fingers crossed that I can keep it up!

I love Chapter 1 of the Hunger Games. There are few books that gets me hooked from the very first chapter, but Suzanne does it flawlessly. Nearly all the main themes of the series find they way into this first chapter. I don't have all the time to break it down, but I'll do what I can.

District 12, Panem and Katniss as our protagonist is already fully fleshed out. We know her main motivation is to keep Prim safe from the Reapings. We learn her greatest fear is having and loosing children, or more symbolically, hope, in a place like Panem. To want to have children is similiar to having hope for the future, of having good things. Katniss, understandably doesn't think that's realistic. Life in District 12 is not easy for Katniss. The Reapings bring her nothing but stress. That is not a future she'd want to any children of hers- which is why she's so critical of Gale when he brings the topic.

Chapter 1, Gale is rebellious- but he still holds on to hope, unlike Katniss who has mostly abandoned it. He thinks of children as a possibility in the future- in a future with Katniss- if they could manage to escape beyond the fence. A notion that Katniss (very pragmatically) finds ridiculous. His crush on her is already on full effect- he doesn't even try to hide framing their families as one and placing themselves as the parental roles. In a wink whink nudge nudge fashion. Katniss doesn't take the notion all too kindly- she shoots him down and they start a fight. Romantic melodrama aside, Gale tells us directly that Katniss does not have normal relationship with her sister Prim. Prim is very much Katniss' child even if she didn't birth Prim herself. This ties Prim directly to Katniss' biggest fear. Unfortunately, we learn at the end of the chapter that her greatest fear is realized.

The Hunger Games isn't just a romance book, but its easily the second most important theme (Fight me). Talks of marriage and children are introduced as soon as Katniss' first suitor enters the scene. Chapter 1 is also where we get to observe Katniss' and Gale relationship with any outside influence, like Peeta and the capitol. Katniss and Gale get along well, with Katniss even saying Gale is only of the only people she can truly be herself with. Despite this, she takes any notion of being in a relationship him negatively. She sees him as a brother. She attests that there is no romantic tension between them (though I think she's in a little denial here. There IS, she's just ignoring it). She says Gale can have his pick of women so long as she gets to keep him as a hunting buddy. Who knows if she's speaking from a place of denial or simply because she didn't care romantically. Gale and Katniss' relationship is beginning to blur thanks to Gale efforts to be noticed by Katniss and Katniss not shooting him down directly. Whatever it is, it's clear that Katniss is just not ready for a relationship yet. If you asked me, so long as Katniss had no hope for the future, she would not even entertain the idea of marriage and children with Gale (or anyone for that matter).

Even though, Peeta is not in this chapter, symbolically he's right here! Being his sweet smelling self in the form of bakery bread. Gale might have been Katniss' first suitor to us readers, but Suzanne has cheekily included Peeta in between them with the loaf of bread. And boy, does Katniss has a history with bread. It even has an arrow stuck in it! Arrows and Bread. Katniss and Peeta. (Well, I guess you can also attribute arrows with Gale- but I'm pretty sure that he's more of a snares kind of guy.)

Finally another tiny bit of foreshadowing I've notice this is final part of Gale and Katniss's feast. When Gale begins to mimic the capitol- he pulls out a few blackberries and together with Katniss, say "may the odds ever be in your favour" before eating the berries, foreshadowing how Katniss would do the same thing with Nightlock to tip the scales and win the Games with Peeta at her side.

Anyway, see you guys tomorrow for Chapter 2!

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Sabezra Week, Day 3, "Surprise!" SURPRISE CHAPTER UPDATE!!!!!

summary: sabine and ezra finally share their first kiss. unfortunately, it’s on a broadcast to every rebel cell in the galaxy. chapter word count: 1239 a/n: i decided there was no better way to celebrate "surprise" day in sabezra week than with a surprise chapter update on a sabezra fic i haven't updated since may! shoutout to the friendly and remarkable @kanerallels for betaing! taglist: @laughingphoenixleader@accidental-spice@kanerallels  @piraterefrigerator @jedi-nurse@dootchster  @lucasbridger@redroverrider  @light-umbra   @commander-tech  @jedimandalorian@notanodinarygirl  {if you’d like to be added to or removed from my Sabezra taglist, let me know!}

also on ao3!

Ch. 3 Sabine Thinks She Has Some Of The Worst Friends In The Galaxy

 The Ghost crew had stood by each other in everything, through great triumphs, devastating losses, glorious victories, crushing failures, and ground-breaking successes. The Spectres were more than just a crew, they were a family, a team that always had each other's backs, no matter what.

 So, naturally, when a personal moment between Spectres 5 and 6 was broadcast to every cell in the rebellion, the only natural response from Spectres 3 and 4 was to take advantage of the situation and make things so much worse.

 Over the years, Sabine and Chopper had grown a mutual understanding of each other, a level not only of respect, but, when they had a common enemy, camaraderie. Sabine still hadn't learned binary, but she could usually understand what the astromech was saying anyways, often simply based on inflection and context. That especially rang true now as he rolled up to her and Ezra and beeped along to the tune of a familiar schoolyard taunt, something about her and Ezra, and a Veshok tree, and "Krill-Isk-Senth-Senth-Isk-Nern-Grek."

 Sabine rolled her eyes and sighed, trying to act like Chopper's teasing was childish and pathetic and not like it took great effort on her part to bring to mind that punching the droid in the sensors would do her absolutely no good.

 "I'm a mature adult now," Sabine reminded herself, "childish taunts don't have the same effect they used to. I don't need to be embarrassed that I just kissed my best friend, and that I really enjoyed it, and that, should such an opportunity present itself again...."

 Lest her expression betray her, she cut off that train of thought.

 Her one consolation right now was that at least she was handling the whole ordeal much better than Ezra. His cheeks were flushed with a magnificent sunrise of color as Chopper wheeled back around to him, followed by Zeb giving him a pat on the back that almost knocked him over.

 She quickly turned away from Ezra, afraid that the awkward smile on his face would soon be reflected by one of her own. 

 "Play it cool," she told herself, "play it cool."

 Fortunately, at this point, all of the speeches had been concluded, and the prospect of refreshments being served in the square was apparently more interesting to the crowd gathered below than futile attempts to catch a glimpse at what was surely the hottest rebellion gossip happening on the balcony overhead.

 Which meant that, as the rest of the important rebellion heroes funneled back through the door, Sabine could make her escape and hopefully shut out all interested parties for the next three days or until this whole thing blew over, whichever came last.

 Unfortunately, the most interested party in the entire situation was Ezra, and, as luck would have it, they found themselves next to each other in the crowd.

 "So, Sabine," Ezra said.

 "Don't wanna talk about it now, Bridger," Sabine cut him off. It wasn't that she didn't want to discuss the matter with him, really. Ezra was the first person she wanted to talk to about what was on her mind. It just happened that this time he was also the last person she wanted to talk to about it. She needed time to figure her emotions out for herself, first.

 "Later, then?" Ezra asked.

 "Maybe," Sabine shrugged.

 That "maybe" should've been a "yes," or a "sure," or a "definitely," but "maybe" was easier to say. It was harder. It was stronger. It was safer. Her jaded response was an armor unto itself.

 But since when had she needed armor around Ezra? When was the last time she felt like she needed to keep her guard up around him? His compassion and wit had spent the better half of a decade wearing away at her rough exterior, until somehow she finally felt safe around him.

 Why didn't she feel safe now?

🧡.📱.💜

 Sabine missed when she was a social outcast. It certainly would've made situations like this a lot easier. She wouldn't be obligated to mingle with anyone right now if they all still hated her like they used to.

 Instead, now she had to smile and nod and thank seven dozen people for thanking her for her service to the galaxy, all the while knowing that behind their smiles was the memory of the not-so-private moment she and Ezra had shared. Most of the people in attendance didn't know Sabine well enough to broach the subject with her, of course, but there were a few notable exceptions.

 "You didn't mention there was anything between you and the Loth Rat," Ketsu said, leaning on Sabine's shoulder like an arm rest.

 "It's a recent development," Sabine said, looking away and trying to sound disinterested.

 "Well, don't look now, 'cause here he comes," Ketsu said.

 Sabine looked up and saw Ezra in the distance, shoving something into his pocket. He seemed upset, but when he looked up at her, a smile washed over his face.

 "Oh no," Sabine said, "I'm not talking to him about it yet."

 "Really?" Ketsu asked. "I'd've thought you would've gotten it over with and turned him down already."

 "Why would I do that?" Sabine asked, turning to give her friend the full face of the mandalorian rage coursing her veins, "he's a great guy, and a good friend, and he's funny and cute and kind and…."

 Sabine stopped talking when she noticed the knowing twinkle in her friend's eye. Sure, Ezra was the resident Loth Rat, but Sabine had all too easily fallen for the bait in Ketsu's trap.

 "Looks like he's growing on you," Ketsu said, as she winked and walked away.

 Sabine looked back at Ezra and saw him walking closer, close enough that walking away would be a faux pas, yet still far enough that she had plenty of time to overthink her response as he approached.

 "Hey," Sabine said, as neutrally as she could manage.

 "I know you don't want to talk about, well, you know," Ezra said, "but, uh, we're still chill to hang out, right?"

 "Uh, sure," Sabine said. Since making a slew of mistakes was pretty much keeping in theme with how the day was going, she decided not to waste time trying to stop herself from getting lost in his eyes, letting all the words those rich blue worlds said at once completely envelop her.

  "Good," Ezra said, and Sabine couldn't tell if he was even aware of the effect his tone and expression had on her in that moment, "because no matter what happens to us, I hope we never stop being friends."

 Sabine nodded, trying to find something to say that wasn't "I need you to kiss me again, right now," or anything along the same lines or even worse.

 "Yeah," Sabine smiled, despite her best effort, "me too."

 He opened his mouth as though to say something, but stopped himself, letting out a deep sigh as he did her a horrible favor and turned away from her, breaking the gaze they'd been locked in before either of them did something stupid again.

 "Glad to see we're still cool," Ezra said, scratching the back of his neck and turning away from her as he spoke.

 "Yeah," Sabine said.

 After a silence that was almost long enough to be awkward, Sabine walked away without another foolish word.

[ponett]

with the fallout of bandai namco's idiotic "it's up to interpretation" bs, do you think that it's possible to enjoy queer media made in a corporate environment in addition to independent works? is it even worthwhile to attempt making queer media in a corporate environment? i find it special how well the g-witch production team managed to tell the story they wanted even with the challenges and pressures they faced, but i have to admit that independent works like slarpg are always going to more completely tell queer stories. as someone who has resonated with both slarpg and g-witch, i was curious to know your perspective.

i'm probably less cynical about this than a lot of my peers are - not that i can blame anyone for feeling cynical about queer rep from corporate-owned media. (we've been through so many First Ever Gay Disney Characters at this point, and lord knows blizzard loves to tease that another overwatch character might be gay every year or so as a PR move.) unfortunately it's just extremely hard to get something like a full season of an animated series funded and produced independently, so the artists looking to enter these fields and pour their hearts and souls into meaningful queer stories as a full-time job don't have many options

going indie gives you theoretically endless creative freedom to tell your stories without corporate censorship, but it's also a massive gamble. only an extreme minority of indie creatives in any medium are actually able to make a living. the fact that i came out the other side of slarpg's development with enough money that i can keep being a full-time indie instead of being in massive debt makes me one of the lucky ones. and even with my modest success, i sure as hell don't have the money to hire a whole team, which limits the scope of what i can make. so i can't turn my nose up at the queer people writing disney channel cartoons where they can't say the word "gay" out loud. they have health insurance, i don't. for most people, what i do is simply not an option

with the corporate-produced Queer Stories i enjoy, i'm often able to squint and see what the creatives were trying to do, wishing that they could have done more while understanding that they probably had to fight tooth and nail for what's there

in the realm of children's animation in particular, i'm thankful that the people working at these studios ARE fighting for more, because it means that kids today have so many more positive queer stories to relate with. i didn't have a single gay character i felt i could relate to until i read scott pilgrim at age 16 and saw wallace wells. before that, i felt so alone in the world. i denied who i was for years because it felt like there would be no place for me. i didn't know anyone openly gay in real life, growing up in the south, and in fiction gay people either existed as the butt of a joke or not at all. the fact that queer kids are now able to see people like themselves in so many shows means something, even if we still have a long way to go and the big studios continue to be a major obstacle

on the subject of g-witch, i'm honestly unfazed by the statement from bandai-namco. i guess i wish they could've let suletta and miorine kiss, but like... the text of the show is extremely blunt about them being a couple by the end. it's not up for debate. and it's not like a gundam series having a meaningful story in spite of the wishes of the toy-producing overlords is anything new, this is just our latest example

all that being said, i do think people should branch out more and explore more weird indie shit if they want more wholeheartedly, openly queer stories. people gotta suck it up and embrace more outsider art instead of only valuing things with studio-level production values. start looking at ren'py visual novels, rpg maker games, obscure webcomics, zines drawn in sharpie, artists on bandcamp who aren't signed to a label, all that jazz. maybe part of the reason why i'm not more fazed by the state of affairs with corporate-funded fiction is that i'm constantly surrounded by furry artists who are telling their own little gay stories