#(yes i know it’s just a show but i have very real care for these characters okay)

[headspace-hotel]

This year has, so far, been for me a series of rapid realizations of what I have been unlearning.

I went to the library. This was a couple weeks ago. I knew I needed to read a book, fiction. I hadn't done so in over a year and it was the longest period of time I had ever gone without doing so. I made a rule: I would only pick books I had never heard of, by authors I had never heard of, and I would not do any preliminary research or even bother to look at what the book was about. I would make my decision on whether to read or not purely on my impression of the title, cover and opening lines.

The book was The Connoisseur by Evan S. Connell. It was kind of a random selection. I sat down with it in a corner of the library and straight up devoured it. I tore through the book within a few hours, without taking a single break. I was captivated. I couldn't put it down.

It is a book about a guy who buys a Mayan figurine in a knickknack shop while he's on a business trip. and becomes obsessed with pre-Columbian sculptural art. There isn't really much of a plot apart from this. He goes to sketchy antique shows, has conversations with museum curators, wealthy art dealers and forgers, and seeks to learn how to distinguish a genuine pre-Columbian piece from a fake one. It was written in the 1970's, so the views on Native Americans are antiquated and sometimes offensive, and there is the troubling thread of the very concept of looting another culture's treasures and treating them as collectibles, though the book is not without commentary on this.

All the same, it was a completely intoxicating read. The vicarious experience of becoming fascinated with a topic and having it unfold a whole world for you was ferociously gripping, and so was the intrigue of the art collecting world itself. The frauds, forgeries, smuggling, museums, academics, aristocrats, auctions and seedy flea markets. Will he ever be able to tell if a piece is "real?" Does it matter if it's "real?" Why does he want to own and possess a piece of art, and how does its "realness" affect that desire? The book leaves you not knowing what to think.

It is a book about curiosity, portrayed in the narrative as a totally unreasonable lightning bolt that strikes a man who has never been fascinated by anything and changes him forever. Why? Why does a Mayan figurine, in particular, speak to him? Why does any piece of art, or any fascinating thing in the world, speak to anyone? It is unknowable.

I went to the library again. I picked a new book using the same rules. This book was Fragile Beasts by Tawni O'Dell. Just like the last time, I was totally captivated. I couldn't put it down.

Did I have a couple major problems with the portrayal of some important aspects of the story? Yes. (It would make the post much longer to discuss.) Was I completely captured by and invested in the story for the time I was reading it? Also yes. The book braids together several very different strands-- the story of a legendary Spanish bullfighter and a wealthy American woman that he loved, two brothers stuck in an ugly family situation after their father's death in a car accident, and a rich old heir to a Pennsylvania coal mining fortune and to the sinister underbelly of her family's business.

There was a lot about baseball, which I know nothing about, and bullfighting, which I know nothing about, and I certainly don't know anything about being a teenaged boy who resents and mistrusts his estranged mother, or an aristocratic old lady who lives in a mansion and eats fancy Spanish food. It was fun to experience so much unfamiliar stuff and to care about things I wouldn't normally care about. Once again I couldn't stop reading until I had finished it.

I don't know that either book was "good," though I thought they were both well written; I just know that reading them was like being hooked up to an IV of something essential and life-giving and feeling it reanimating my body.

It had been a year since I had read any fiction, but it had been much, much longer since I had loved to read. As I became an adult I had become picky and critical about books, and developed a highly sophisticated sense of my taste and the books I considered good- which were very rare. My taste in books became so sophisticated, eventually, that I didn't like books at all anymore.

I had almost withered away from deficiency of that essential nutrient known as STORY. I'd almost crumbled myself into dust from pretentiousness! I may have been terribly wrong about the kinds of things I liked to read, on top of it. And I certainly hadn't realized that story was such an essential nutrient.

"Just entertainment" the pretentious sorts of people might say of a book they think is useless-- but what is entertainment but to absorb your mind in something, and what is absorbing your mind in a book but to experience things you would never have experienced? It expands you and makes you more complicated. It is the study of human existence itself.

Now all I have been able to think about today is finishing my work and going to the library again...

[thetadispatcher]

Vincent looked up at him and gave him a small smile, showing he appreciated the gesture. He knew it probably didn't mean that much to other people, but to him it meant a lot.

He liked knowing he had other people outside of those who called him family that cared, and didn't mind showing it to help him understand situations or just feel better about them.

The AP700 rested his head back against the other android, deciding he'd completely ignore Dan and Rook to focus on what Bishop was doing.

Nines gave him a calculating look, he had experience with people who would use anything to try to upset him. His human partner did it almost constantly to him, so he could easily recognize when someone else was attempting to do the same.

The only thing he needed any time to figure out was why, it seemed like everyone always had a different reason for why they were trying to get a reaction out of him. Gavin's was just because he liked to be an annoyance, and the fact he couldn't get Nines to react upset him.

Not that he cared, as he enjoyed watching the detective flush with anger whenever Nines didn't give him the reaction he was looking for. Not that he would show the human that he found his small shows of anger endearing.

"I am not that rebellious, no more then Connor is." He wouldn't call Sixty rebellious as the RK800 seemed to be down to do just about anything, he was more of an accidental troublemaker.

"And it's not like the military could do anything about it now if they did find out." Androids had rights now, and they couldn't do anything about the military androids Cyberlife failed to destroy as they were considered people. Also it would likely cause a lot of issues that wouldn't be worth the time and money to deal with.

John didn't see them doing anything about it ever, the androids didn't know anything he would consider damaging if it were to get out. And he never saw service, so he never learned any truly damaging information that the military would be concerned about.

"He might be, considering the fact he was already deviant when he was deactivated as we didn't have to convert him." Dan wasn't sure what to make of that possibility, but Kelvin was the oldest recorded deviant they knew of so far.

He just wasn't about to share that information as he felt the last thing androids needed was to know their god might be real, some might be a little disappointed to find out what he was like.

"I never said he was dumb, he can do some very complicated tasks quite well. Sure he does have his moments where he does something that one would call dumb, but he can hardly be held accountable for it considering his condition." Kelvin was surprisingly good at things one wouldn't expect someone in his condition to excel at, even if he did have times where he acted more childlike then a normal android.

"We are trying to teach him sign language and how to write, but it's a slow process as he sometimes will need to be retaught things he already learned. But if you think she can talk to him, you're welcome to try. It would be nice to better understand Kelvin just in case there is some mental trauma we don't know about. I would hate to learn about it by accidentally upsetting him and still not fully understand the reaction, it would make helping him calm down hard." Even a little more information would be useful, as it might give them a hint on where to look for more.

"Yes, that is correct. He was a gift to the studio that they really didn't care enough to keep, they deposed of him the first chance they got." Brent didn't seem bothered by the studio's blatant disregard for him, in fact he seemed to have expected the treatment and felt nothing about. The JB300 was one of the androids that showed no mental affects from being thrown away, and he even seemed thankful it happened.

"We have a few other ones, ones that you would recognize as a lot of people from your generation are the ones who were ordering these custom units." He could see why someone would want an android of their favorite characters, but he could also understand why they'd be thrown away. They only lasted as long as their novelty or until they needed an expensive repair thanks to being custom.

"Only one other one is present on the property currently, if you'd like I can introduce you to him." Dan knew he would be less bothered by being recognized as a fictional character, Brent just seemed to hate it as he wanted to be his own person and not Data. But the JB300 was okay with it if the person respected the fact he had picked a new name and didn't constantly remind him of his appearance.

The android looked over once again, waiting for Rook to snap back at him. When it was clear she intended to leave him alone he glanced back to Vincent. If his communication skills were poor, he felt he was about to set a new low, but still reached to give his friend a gentle pat in reassurance. Everything was fine, they were just having a feisty mutant over for a bit.

Bishop smirked. That gave him something to work with.

"Yes, that is expected behavior from the rebellious youngest brother."

Even the most collected deviant had to deal with their own emotions and while he couldn't say for sure how prominent Nines' ego was, Bishop would still poke at him until he got a reaction.

It was entertaining enough to him, in any case. He had no reason to stop.

"That's typical of private contractors." he mused, "So you were saved entirely by greed alone. I suppose there is some irony in that."

Much like the fact that androids were simply being tossed in a landfill instead of being recycled. It seemed Cyberlife's entire existence was simply tainted by incompetence.

Rook watched the way Dan's skin regenerated, glad to see no damage was done. The last thing she wanted was to be accused of having hurt the most important guy in the house, especially when she had done nothing but ask questions.

"Who knows, maybe he's patient zero." She shrugged, "Maybe he's like Sixty and likes the way he is. It's never good to assume somebody who's very energetic and content with what they have is dumb. I have a friend who is just as bouncy as Kelvin and she's smarter and wiser than most people."

It didn't look like Kelvin was causing real trouble on purpose. He just moved quietly and that made it easy to forget he was even there doing his own thing.

"So that's why you've got Commander Data running about. Maybe you could ask Willow to talk to Kelvin. He can't talk to you, but she can probably translate for him."

[sunrisecaminus]

Soundwave x Reader SFW/NSFW Headcanons

Summary - Soundwave and human conjunx Headcanons. NSFW under the "Keep Reading".

Warnings - Valveplug, Exhibitionism

SFW

~ When you were taken from the ship, Soundwave grew attached immediately from how you treated Lazerbeak.

~ Soundwave is a very loving conjunx, even if he doesn't show it to anybody on the ship. It makes people think you are neglected all the time, but what they don't know is that it is the exact opposite.

~ Leaving to go to work? Do not worry, Soundwave would ground bridge you there. Needing more groceries? Dude, he could just order online for you for free.

~ Anytime you kiss him on the hand or face, holy crap that man will be thinking about it for the rest of his day. He has secretly took pictures and videos of your sweetest moments with him, so anytime he is stressed or down, he watches his recordings to give him more motivation.

~ Since he watched the security camera's 24/7, he will know when someone is being mean to you. The 3rd in command would deal with it himself the next day and you will never see that horrible mech ever again.

~ Researched everything about human culture to make sure anything you said wasn't confusing to him. Yes, he knows slang. No, he will not use it…that is embarrassing.

~ Megatron does not understand the human pet Soundwave acquired but Soundwave planned for this and has made literal PowerPoints for his leader on why you are useful to him.

~ Soundwave has never really cuddled before, so when you hugged him while he worked and nuzzled on his cheek…he is now craving your touch every second you are gone. He will give you every sad face he can send to you until you hug/kiss him again.

~ His tendrils would be so fun. You would play with them all the time and try to catch them when you thought he was distracted by his computer. Why did you always fall for him pretending to work? You are the reason why the Decepticons have late paperwork and reports from 2 weeks ago.

~ Would shut down a bank to give you everything you desire. He would never judge you for what you want.

NSWF

~ Speaking of what you want. If you are a crazy sex freak, he would give you that. If you are more casual and not care about sex as much, Soundwave would still love and care for all your other needs.

~ Soundwave of course would use his tendrils to please you. I think we all know those things are his best quality.

~ Public Sex? Soundwave would be confused at first on why you would want to do it on his desk, but after the first time he would never question you again. Hiding you from soldiers while fondling your chest with his hands should not be as fun as it is.

~ LOVES your body and caresses everywhere you want him to touch. Him feeling how soft humans are would make him question why Megatron hates organics.

~ You in cute outfits sends him over the edge. Soundwave loved the clothes that humans made and seeing you in rich, beautiful outfits makes him hungry.

~ His spike is average size but to you that is still big as hell so yes he would have to mass displace if you wanted to get real touchy with him.

~ Remember Soundwave craving your touch? Well, don't get him started on you touching his spike. 4 million years of the war made him realize how touch starved and sensitive he was. You can feel him shaking while he recorded everything you did to his shaft.

~ If you tried to be a little shit and do something he told you not to do…yeah you would not be able to get out of bed the next day. Look he will always be nice and gentle with you, but the moment you get naughty on purpose is when you became the bottom in the relationship.

~ He would use his tendrils, tie you up, and abuse your lower half for HOURS!

~ Soundwave is use to not sleeping for 24 hours, so you better have had a goodnight sleep last night, because this will not end until you can't even make noises anymore.

~ He is a master of Aftercare and would bathe you, wrap you up in the softest blankets, and let you sleep soundly. The only thing you would hear before dozing off is the clicking of the computer he was using to finish his work.

[ficsinhistory]

Do you have any headcanons for SCU!Amy?

You give me WAY to many power, anon. Let's go!

Amy comes from Little Planet. That's it, you can't convince me otherwise.

Because she was born on Little Planet, Amy can use her chaos energy for temporal manipulation. See the future and past, travel through time, etc.

Her people are a more pacifist, technological, diplomatic and peacemaking society. They believe in the power of the collective and that love transcends time. Hence part of her personality. They also believe that the flow of time has to be free from interference…something she doesn't agree with so much.

Amy actually knows Sonic, but neither of them remembers it because Little Planet only appears once a year for a month and she shows up the last time before he ran away. Amy landed on the island one day and ended up bumping into Sonic. They spent the month playing before she had to return for good and promising to come see him the following year. Amy never found Sonic again.

I believe Amy is a very powerful chaos energy user, especially since she is also a hedgehog. All of them, like Shadow and Sonic, have enormous and innate powers and I believe she does too. This even puts a target on her back.

She wasn't much older than Sonic when Little Planet was taken over. The whole thing was extremely traumatic for Amy who saw everything she knew and love die and the feeling of helplessness she felt motivated her to never be so helpless and incapable again.

She was captured by the creator of the Metal Sonics (probably Ivo) because of her powers when she was younger and had a quill stolen from her before could escape. This is how robots travel through time and why they have pink energy. They also can track her because of this. She blames herself for being the reason these threats are running wild and tries to make up for it.

Like Sonic, Amy was sent to Earth by a guardian who loved her, but she was instructed on a mission to protect (possibly protect the Time Stones and even Sonic) at any cost, even her own life. Contrasting Longclaw's instructions to Sonic which was to protect himself. Yes, it's so mess up to her as it's sounds.

She is on Earth at the same time as Sonic. However, she never left the New York area and being so good at hiding, never knew about him nor he about her.

Her hammer came from a factory of Little Planet, which canonically has an advanced industrial hub. She get it during the invasion to protect herself.

Amy has been fighting Metals for years and they always come back more refined and better. The only reason she hasn't been defeated is that her powers give her an advantage with vision of the future and Amy is naturally a strategic and inventive mind.

It's unnerving for her to destroy the Metal Army because they look similar to Sonic. Her mind can't remember him, but subconsciously, she knows she's seen that face somewhere. She's thrilled when she finally meets the real Sonic.

Just like Sonic's, Amy's powers are linked to emotions and since the trauma of the fall of Little Planet, her temporal abilities don't work very well. More specifically, her ability to see possible futures and remember her own past, is very scary for her. It's only when she meets Sonic again and they commit to dealing with the past together that it return to normal.

Amy's emotions in general are a mess. She is traumatized and lonely, while also being loving and optimistic. Because of her mission, she is afraid of putting even more people she cares about in danger, which leads to self-isolation. And just like Sonic, she tries to distract herself by wandering around New York and observing friends, couples, and families.

She's obsessed with musicals. She's also crazy about magical girls and has stacks of manga in her home. Amy also loves writing.

She lives in the post-credits park, in her own cave. In addition to manga, she has fairy lights, musical posters, various pink things, fashion magazines and exterotypically feminine things. Cloths? She loves it. Pop white girl music? You can bet. Rom-com? Please, she's a New Yorker.

The moon reminds her of Little Planet because it is also a satellite. Imagine her shock of seeing it split it.

She has survivor's guilt and thinks the Metals are her fault, so Amy has very little self-preservation. This leaves everyone, especially Sonic, a nervous wreck.

Amy believes in unconditional love, and is a lover of all living things. Following the philosophy that all life is valid and precious. Love is the only thing that transcend time.

When Amy meets the Wachowskis, she is delighted and excited. She has finally found people she can be around without fear, who she gets along with and who are part of her mission. Yes, she loves Maddie and Maddie loves her.

This girl collects friends and allies as Pokemons. Tom and Maddie? Folded for this cute, pink girl. Tails and Knuckles? Automatically siblings. Even Shadow can't handle this girl's absolute resolve for friendship. He knows resist is useless.

She and Sonic have a mutual crush, but they're really bad at it. Between the traumas and the similarities, it's just… amazing and scary to have someone understand you like that. Love is being seen, and Amy doesn't know how to feel about being so seen and vulnerable like that. All Amy knows is that she loves this boy very much and would hate to be responsible for taking him away from his family. That said, she can't hide it. Is so obvious.

Although she is in love with Sonic, her favorite Wachowski brother is Tails. They're tech siblings and strategic pals.

Knuckles and Amy get along very well. She has heard of his reputation as a warrior and he knows the stories of the mysterious Little Planet. They are both happy to finally have a sparring partner.

Amy's fighting style is very aggressive and destructive. She feels a lot of anger towards the Metals and this is quite a fuel. It reminds a bit of Shadow's practicality and brutality.

She is so empathetic and kind to the point of being disarming. Amy can get the truth out of anyone like that. One look into those green eyes and you are doomed. She will win you over with the power of unconditional love and non-judgmental listening.

Empathy plus temporal powers allow Amy to know everything about someone. It's scary and she knows it and likes it.

She is very good at hiding and uses this to her advantage when she visits New York. Although sometimes she likes to mess with people she finds rude by revealing herself a little and saying "no one will believe you" before smiling and walking away.

Amy has a temper and is very angry. And she is in New York. Pretty much the best place for her to hide.

She can love everyone but herself.

[redcamellia13]

Mitsukou Analysis: Red House Arc

Okay. God, I was not excited for this arc…

*motivational (platonic) KouNene*

Honestly, when I first read this scene I was quite surprised.

Isn’t it sort of odd Kou isn’t super affected by Mitsuba or even Hanako’s disappearance?

Yashiro became a veritable shell of herself, and Akane fell into depression, so to have Kou as his usual smiling self was quite shocking to see.

Woah, woah, can… can we back up a bit Kou? That’s twice now you’ve shown signs of contemplation of killing yourself for your ghost boy friend. (In my opinion, it should be ghost boyfriend, but ya know.)

Wow, so he’s actually considering this. I assumed Kou knew he probably couldn’t die back in the picture perfect world, since it’s supposed to be picture perfect, but he’s genuinely thinking about it.

So. At this point in time, Kou doesn’t know “whether the old Mitsuba is really gone.”

Well, Kou, for better or for worse that’s about to change. Which brings us to the next point of interest:

Right here. Kou has realized, for the first time in (Hanako or Tsukasa’s, I can’t remember) words, “the Mitsuba Sousuke that lived and died in this world is not here anymore.”

I think some subconscious part of Kou’s brain really believed Sousuke was still out there somewhere, and because he only met him very briefly as a human, and still quite shortly as a ghost, he never really processed the fact Sousuke had family that cared about him.

This is divulging into more theory territory than analysis, but why did Sousuke have a picture of the Red House?

His connections with it are nonexistent, and even No. 3 doesn’t know it exists, and is only associated with it because of his relationship with Amane Yugi/Hanako.

This is mostly just context for what’s about to happen next. Aidairo has made it crystal clear the house appeals to your desires.

Ah yes, so of course Mitsuba shows up immediately afterwards, almost as if Aidairo are implying when you say “think of your greatest desires,” Kou’s brain immediately thinks of Mitsuba.

Another interesting thing about these panels, and also the main reason I added it is that this is the first time we’ve seen Kou’s desire to be needed, and be needed specifically by Mitsuba.

“I can’t go on without you Minamoto-Kun. You’re all I have.”

This is saying Kou wants Mitsuba to rely on him and only him, a fact that was already well-established, but confirmation is always nice.

Perhaps this is pulling from Kou’s desires of Hanako being “a run of the mill evil spirit” so he would be easy to exorcise.

However, I believe this is more pulling from Kou’s… suicidal tendencies, and wanting to be with Mitsuba on the other shore.

It might actually be a combo of both.

Actually, this got me thinking for a while. Do Kou and Mitsuba trust each other? Kou certainly doesn’t think so, but do we have examples of them showing mutual trust?

Welp, guys, thats another ding on the “are they a healthy relationship” perspective.

“You know you wanted me to say that.”

My sleep deprived brain cannot even begin to pick out why the hell Mitsuba would say that, but let’s try.

I have a vague feeling it’s because Kou wants Mitsuba to know that he wishes for Mitsuba to know he needs him to need Kou… but why?

Like I said, I am on not a lot of sleep and a lot of caffeine, so I can’t really say. I might come back later with new ideas, but for now this is what you get. (Sorry!)

Kou wants closure from Mitsuba’s death, which is understandable. However, Kou, you might wanna organize your priorities, because a solution for Yashiro’s lifespan isn’t even present, while Mitsuba comes up twice?

*ahem ahem*

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Wow. Real smooth Aidairo. Stopping Kou right before we get an answer as to why Mitsuba (both!) is there, while not being an actual desire.

Yes, I updated my oneshot book- all entries below <3

[lover-of-mine]

Lady Whistledown... it's been a minute for sure. You can chose not to post this because clearly BT is dead and deep down they know. But... if you feel like a visit to Narnia here we go......

So basically after the break up yes they were extremely pissed that none of the 911 family cared about Tommy or encouraged Buck to call him. Also the fact Bucks emotional turmoil ended on Eddie leaving not on a Tommy cliff hanger. This also was paired with weeks of how dare the 911 family abondem him because the hospital scene was again a reminder that the 118 is a family. And since in their view I think they picture Tommy as a creature of the night Buck took his family away.

A little bit lately it's going back into Eddie and Tommy territory. You remember how really, they honestly wanted Eddie and Tommy together. Super pissed no Tommy Christopher scenes. Is there any way Tommy can still step in and maybe secretly messaging Chris to get him home?

Also some days pretty gross about wishing Christopher is gone forever so they can open up Tommy coming back to replace Eddie. My Gavin protection and representation instincts can't stand that.

Proving they still are just I don't know not nice people. They hope Tim makes a whole episode that mimics the city burning down all for Tommy to be in a helicopter and Buck freak out. Also it feeds into their spin off show fantasies. But since the air support in LA became a real viral thing this is even better because then Tommy gets to be the real star and Buck the side character.

Orders given frequently on what to comment and not comment on SM. For instance the rain photo a super no no. Ignore the fact it was because of the spoiler and stay in line.

But one weird one. No one actually believes that's Tommy's truck. It's pretty excepted that obviously Buck got a new vehicle after the jeep broke down. We just will never get a back story.

Insane anger over the baking being transferred to Eddie leaving. It's not a Tommy thing it's a stress thing.

Now that we leave Narnia. I would just encourage monitoring in boxes. They know they only have a few weeks to be on their Bsish. They hate Maddies Bucks focus in the promo and depending on how the timline goes also Eddie. Also it's Canon Tommy knew about the "himbo" and the boils call. So when what goes down with Maddie happens, then if Tommy doesn't reach out its purposely erasing the TommyBuddles Buck. There's no space for Tommy. And also bit of spiraling on how exactly is Buck going to act out. Greatest fear? Buck 1.0

Of I remember anything new happy to come back. It's been a wild few months!!

Hello my love 🫶

I see they are still wild out there. I can't believe they still haven't let go of Tommy fixing the Chris situation. Talking about Gavin is next-level evil imo, he's a kid, let him be. The illusions that a scene that very clearly put Tommy as an outsider because he wasn't on the gc and he had to ask for Buck to volunteer the information is so funny to me, like, how clear do they have to be?

This was a wild ride to read tho, I love how they keep surprising me on how unhinged they can get.

[zebulontheplanet]

The amount of people who are comfortable and loud with their antisemitic views are astonishing.

Like, why was I outside of class, waiting to go in and some guy was talking about how Jewish people were inferior and how there was a “Jewish hierarchy” and shit like that. Even trying to bring science in to try and prove a point of how Jewish people are sub-human?? Like in the hallway. In-front of a dozen people. I was next to him and just stared at him, astonished that he could even say those things IN PUBLIC!! But I was kinda glad he did. Let your ugly show. Like yes, this isn’t my first time hearing things like this. I’m Jewish. It’s apart of my life, sadly. But usually it’s online, or over text, or in a private group setting. Very rarely is it in front of many people.

Some dude next to him was asking him questions about it and didn’t AT ALL seem to be for it. To which the dude spewing this bullshit called him a “goyed”…not a goy. A Goyed. With a ‘D’. Like huh? This dude was hella confused because he’s never heard of the term before and asked him what that meant. The guy then said that it meant that he was “bowing down to the Jewish hierarchy” and basically like, putting this guy down for not being antisemitic?? Like one, you BOTH are Goyim. It’s not some insult or some hidden meaning?? And that isn’t even close to what that means??

Anyways. I stepped in, I should have before but everything really didn’t process in my head until that moment. I told the guy being told this that a GOY (not goyed. That sounds like some sort of squash) meant you weren’t Jewish. I told this to the guy who was spewing this as well, he took one look at me, said “whatever, I don’t care about YOUR opinion”. And yeah. I do think that was very targeted to the fact that I’m Jewish and he knows I’m Jewish.

I just gave him a stank eye. Don’t worry, this all ended up being reported to the right people.

Fuck off if you believe shit like this. You all need some real life experiences and not to go down some antisemitic and racist online rabbit hole. It’s seriously so frustrating. I honestly have very complicated feelings towards those who are non-Jewish and their “secret” views on us.

[bean-spring]

You can understand Helena's complexity, the reasons behind her actions and the inherent connection between her and Mark that is clearly there beyond questioning if she's Helly or not ("that sort of kinship carry over from innie to outie"), because at the end of the day, she is her (in different circumstances and enviornments).

But that doesn't mean that outside of the poetry and natural attraction between them there isn't the whole question of whether this is right or wrong. It isn't just "this is rape and she's inherently and utterly evil" or "they're the same person and she's also hurt, so it's okay" because that would minimize what the show is working so hard on. And that is fucking with our heads making us wonder who we truly are, what things would make us commit these actions, what truly is freedom, and at what point we stop being ourselves.

Let me make this clear (it's just my opinion): No, it wasn't consensual. Mark didn't consent to having sex with Helena. He thought it was Helly. That part is obvious to everyone. The whole "he said he doesn't care who she is outside, but he cares who she is with him, so it is consensual!" doesn't matter when he actually doesn't know who the fuck she is. He is being lied to. He said that because he thought he was talking to his Helly and didn't care who she was outside because, at the end of the day, despite being the same people, innies are practically born again (socially) and build a personality and experiences from the very beginning, from their very first memory that is appearing in the office (Dan literally refers to this point of their lives as "adolescense" while S1 was "childhood"). And they keep fighting for their rights and individual freedom.

I don't think we're giving this its proper depth, tbh. It isn't just "Helena wasn't Helly here". It's: Helena has way more knowledge than Mark has, while Mark believes they're both on the same page. Helena went there hoping for an experience in specific with him (selfishly), while for Mark it happened way more organically. Helena has said she doesn't view innies as human and has been watching them as if they were a Sims 4 gameplay. For Mark, it's Helly and the fact that their connection goes beyond that night while for Helena it's not that much about Mark himself. There is a clear, obvious power difference in here and she is, after all, for now, one of the antagonists. We can't forget that.

But it isn't just "evil" or "bad" or "cruel". Because Helena, due to the lack of freedom in her own life, is in the same place (in a different enviornment, though and turning that into power over others instead) as them. She longs for a human connection she has never experienced before. She is broken and torn apart about who she truly is. She uses Mark to experience this, yes, but at what point does that turn into real attraction? At what point her jealousy towards her innie and dehumanization of both herself and the group turns into her also realizing she's the same and understanding Mark? At what point does Mark fall for and embrace the kinship that connects Helly/Helena (that guilt and shame and lack of freedom and yearning for love) instead of just seeing double? At what point does Helena stop seeing a chance to experience love to start seeing... Just Mark?

And after ALL OF THAT it still doesn't make it okay to do what she did.

In the most natural, poetic, human perception of this scene, there is a connection between no matter who they are. But memories and shared experiences are also a huge part of ourselves, we do change with them. Both Mark and Helly have said multiple times that they don't see themselves as an extension of their outies and are their own selves. It doesn't matter whether they are the same or not, it's how they see it. Mark never agreed to share his body with Helena specifically and that's taking away from him the chance of choosing individually. His freedom.

In my opinion it was 100% rape but it's way deeper than just that. It's still awful, though, and we have to start learning to embrace complex characters and try to understand them without only being guided by our IRL moral compass.

[sir-fenris]

AAAAAAAAA 🥹 I've lived for the day that I would be getting commentaries too. I can die happy. Thank you <33

Sorry for taking so long to answer. I read it before going to sleep and I giggled so much my cheeks hurt, but I was too tired to answer cohesively. And today I was busy pretty much the whole time :'(

But I was able to write this down while preparing and eating my dinner :D

(My responses organization is kinda messy, don't mind it please XD)

It is real and it is happening, I'm glad Cyrus's yearning was clear and that it seemed a strong start :) I went back and forth with SO MANY begginings, I think I wrote and deleted more than 10 completely different starting paragraphs XD.

I might put the rp on the masterpost soon! I wanted to ask you if I could, first. And find a way to organize it in a way I feel is nice to read.

And well... about the gloves, who knows? :) is it because he can use his magic with any skin contact? What I can say is that all handlers do have gloves with technology, but usually, they're are fingerless gloves. Wilson's hands and arms are fully covered.

(I already changed your emoji <3)

Yes, protection barriers makes him nauseous when he goes in, because it's designed exatcly to keep his magic contained in the tent in case he uses it unauthorized, so it gives him a bad feeling. Once Wilson gives him authorization, the barriers are set down. When the authorization is revoked, they come back up. That's one of the many reasons why Wilson has to communicate when he's about to turn the nullification back of the collar.

A lot of safety measures 😃

Well... I wouldn't say he's allowed to actually refuse food. Wilson just sometimes is "merciful" and allows him to take his breakfast after his comedown is done, because usually Cyrus feels sick before getting to work. (If Cyrus... makes a mess, yk, Wilson will have to report and take care of the situation, and that's too troublesome)

And I'm not one for underestimating trope either, but I guess in LW whump it's interesting because adds to the familiar dehumanization and because the LW is actually very powerful and that gets proven.

"ohhh :( he makes me sad I'm definitely gonna read the comfort ask"

My comfort is also whumpy, because I don't wanna spoil Cyrus too much yet, he's still on the whump arc... but I hope you find the hurt/comfort good enough XD.

":( he knelt fast then. man..."

He dropped down on his knees :') Wilson doesn't let him kneel down slowly.

And Wilson whispered the "behave". Rhe others around don't need to hear the weapon being reminded to behave, just know that it will.

About the other gifted. I'll show the sketches of the gloves soon, but you'll see that it does need a metal manipulator, or else it has to be cut off and re-made on his hand every time. It's 100% closed. So that's why they use other gifted to do it.

(Usually metalokinetics are used around for stuff like that, menial tasks. They only go to battlefield if they are strong enough to destroy enemy's weapons and machines.)

"yeah I know </3 man this is a bunch of info I know cause I've already been exposed to bits of this story but for future newcomers this is probably necessary clarification"

That was the hardest part :') I wanted anyone who didn't knew any context to be able to understand the first chapter (though that's really really hard without a beta/proof reader) and the people who did have context to enjoy it anyway, even though it's pretty much a retelling of the drabble a lot of you already read. I was afraid of giving too little information and making it hard to understand, and of giving too much information and making it too dense.

60% of the chaotic editing was because of this. And 50% of the typos is because I kept changing sentences and missing to change a word or to (like making a sentence about one of his hands, then decide it should be both hands, but forget to put one of the words in plural)

Speaking of that, I need to do a typo checking on the chapter asap... already caught 2 yesterday.

"ugh he's so well trained"

His handler is proud to hear that.

I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THE GRASS EVER SWEET LOVELY BOY </3

Own, that's adorable. He'll have grass in recovery, lots of it, don't worry.

(The bar is very low when touching grass is almost an ultimate reward...)

aaaaaaaaa? wilson my beloved he's so cold

"Wilson" and "beloved" in the same sentence is........ something I was not expecting ever. Huh.

ooooooo :D I remember wondering why the art of him showed him with blue lines in his collar when he was a threat level red!!! fascinating :3

😊 when the nullification is on, it stays blue. When he's being shocked, it flashes yellow, and when his magic is free, it turns red. :D safety measures, too.

About the withering description, thank you! I really think it might be too abstract or dense to some people, especially those who don't have any context, but there's really not much I could do. From Cyrus's view, he's not seeing what the magic is actually doing, and this needed to be included on the first chapter.

But I'll try to slide in some description from Wilson's view of his powers in a canon chapter to make it clearer, perhaps make a separate post showing his vision vs what's actually happening, if I can.

And yeah! On the drabble I was really thinking about that song. But on canon, it became more like a curious fact, because I made it so it's from another language. It doesn't have a set lyrics, though the translation would be something akin to the hurt incantation. No one knows what Cyrus's murmuring means, not even him, it's gibberish to them all.

Yeaaah! I'm happy you saw that "Sweet Creature" follows the same line that "Magic Euphoria" drabble. It's pretty much that drabble, but from his perspective, plus a bit more at the beginning and end. This chapter is the truly canon, since when I did the drabble I didn't have the characters in mind, but Cyrus really does say "yes, sir" because his conditioning runs deep. He doesn't say "okay" ever.

(But Wilson is also an unreliable narrator, so you can consider the drabble him remembering Cyrus's words to be more disobedient than it actually was, since he spoke quietly)

(Poor baby, being shocked not even knowing why, loosing his warmth, being remembered as disrespectful even when he wasn't...)

Metallokinetic whumpee is not well :(

"oooo so he has gloves on when not working got it got it. leather! I assume it's to avoid skin to skin contact? or his hands are the most effective conduit and the higher-ups don't want him touching anything with his hands?"

I like the way you're going :)

(Both Cyrus and Wilson have gloves, but Cyrud's is restrictive)

About the den (his cabin) and mattress.... eh, don't get too happy. Remember, unreliable narrator. And this ask is very important.

(Oh, you reminded me that I wanted to put the images of his cabin and capsule on the chapter, thanks, I'll do that later)

"oooo is his collar nullifying it? or the gloves? capsule??? I think it's the collar"

All of the above. Plus the glasses too. Safety measures :)

the euphoria narration thing is. so fucking good man. but why'd he get shocked?? this isn't in the wilson pov chapter 😔

First, thank you <3

Second, it's not defined, it could have been a lot of different things. But my favorite option is that he started singing without realizing it.

"someone please give him a blanket istg. I know this is a different kind of cold but can he have a blanket :("

He can only earn blanket privileges when he's at the central base. In caimpaings there are no blanket privileges.

If he's very very good, tho, he might earn one night with a blanket.

!!! sneaky :0

🥰 He would look down ashamed at your words. He really didn't mean to be... he just wanted to relieve some of the painful uneasiness.

also love that. “his handler always sees everything.” !!! love love love that love the sheer amount of fear and expecting danger

YEAAA, that's the emotions I wanted to show. Especially since Cyrus is blinded so often. He rarely knows when Wilson is looking, to what he pays attention, what is his expression. It's kinda like the Panopticon Prison. You never know when you're being watched, so you stay on edge the whole time.

Wilson is a smart handler :)

HE'S NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO MOVE WITHOUT PERMISSION??? I mean I expected that but damn. also gloves again. is it a military thing or is this the skin contact thing

He's not allowed to move in the ways Wilson doesn't approve. What moves does Wilson approve? Only Wilson knows.

Cyrus discovers when he's shocked for doing the ones on the "no" list.

And the gloves, ah the gloves. Who knows?

Wilson knows, he's the one that changed their designs too.

pfft I love those moments of like. passive caring about everyday stuff in whump. they're funny but then they're not funny

Yeah, I really like doing that :D

Cyrus doesn't want to go through an hour of Wilson getting his anger out in his hair, leaving him with a sore scalp and holding back tears. His hair is full of broken strands because of it already.

HEY DON'T CALL HIM SNEAKY I DID IT FONDLY >:(

I let out a really genuine laugh 🤣

ough.. he's so scared poor baby

Of Wilson? Always.

D: man I don't even know what to say this is just rlly fuckin good. guilt my beloved

Oh well, thank you <3

huh??? how come he didn't get physically close to any of it

His comedown has really fun hallucinations :)

Auditory, visual, gustatory, tactile, proprioceptive and interoceptive ones. Not all together or at the same comedown, it varies.

WOW!!! love the logic and treating cyrus like so much of an object wilson can just talk out loud while he's there.

:)

man. I love cyrus. I love wilson. I have so many feelings about them both... I rlly love handler whumpers those are so neat I love cold whumpers that are professional. wilson has such a presence in this chapter. cyrus is so cute I wanna wrap him in blankets...

I loved how this was like. stractured with the euphoria and comedown and everything. I also love how despite everything cyrus is still so caring towards others it's so. ough </3

Really, thank you for this <333 I'm really pleasently surprise to see people saying stuff like "doing the fenris thing" for the commentaries. It really makes me happy, like... YEAH? Please do! With me and with others. It's so cool to read these. Even tired, even busy, I just wanted to keep coming here to read yours and others comments.

So thank you <3 really enjoyed reading this, and I really like the way you think :)

-

Sweet Creature

Content: magical living weapon, dehumanization, "it" briefly used as pronoun, dangerous whumpee, magical euphoria, shock collar, sensory (visual) deprivation, manhandling, military whump, implied institutionalized whump, magical slavery, heavily implied mass murder, hallucinations.

(chapter 1) | next chapter ->

(Curse of Withering masterpost)

Cyrus wishes to at least have a look around while outside. It would only be a military camp, soldiers walking around, tents set up, maybe some horses on one side. Not a very pleasant nor interesting view.

But at least he would be seeing the sky, and the grass, and people.

He's not. He's seeing pure black from behind his nullification glasses, being guided by an unrelenting hand on his neck, just above his heavy collar. Not even allowed to feel skin, only the tough material of a glove.

Around Cyrus, talk dies down, and muttering comes to life, as he's used to. It never stops making him feel ashamed.

Also not allowed to curl up or hide in any way, he's just dragged forward to keep walking.

A strong sensation of nausea hits him when they enter his designed post tent of this campaign. It feels like the protection barriers put around the tents are getting stronger each campaign.

Being on an empty stomach doesn't help, either. Regret fills him from refusing breakfast, but he's sure his stomach wouldn't have kept it down anyway.

"... This is it? The rumors made it look spine-chilling, not... this." A voice from his right side says, a bit far back. Further into the tent, then. Cyrus doesn't recognize the voice, but the words are familiar.

The gloved hand on his neck squeezes, and he stops after a second of trying to figure out if it was out of frustration or a command to stand still.

No scolding comes, so it must have been a command. Or both.

"Wait until you see it destroying a whole military camp while laughing like a maniac," Mr. Wilson says. That voice he does recognizes in the very core of his being. And by the coldness of it, his handler is audibly used to that question as well.

Cyrus doesn't have time to feel ashamed of the words before a pressure on his neck commands him to kneel down. Even with the knee pads, a mercy not chosen by his handler, the impact hurts a bit.

"Behave." Is what reaches his ear before the leather gloves are unfastened from his wrists.

Magic wraps around the metal gloves that were beneath the leather ones and bend it open. Cyrus didn't even hear the metallokinetic's handler telling them to do that. Maybe this gifted doesn't have a handler, he knows there's some free Gifted that serve the military willingly.

Unlike Cyrus.

He obediently waits with unmoving hands until his handler applies pressure on his head in another silent command. No one speaks as the nullification glasses are unlocked from his bowed head, nor when his half-necrotic fingertips find the floor beneath him.

It's not grass, it's rocks. He suppresses a disappointed sigh.

Cyrus knows better than to look around or shift from his position, but he's still able to see a bit of the tent's inside. The metallokinetic does in fact have a handler, and a black eye. He can't see anyone else, they're all behind him for safety.

That black eye must hurt, there's probably more bruises under the clothing, it never stops at just one.

Cyrus shouldn't care that the gifted was hurt. But he did. They deserve someone to care.

Mr. Wilson blocks his vision of the gifted by crouching down. The direct, practical delineation of where the enemy camp is sinks into his mind easily as his handler speaks. It's easy to map in his head exactly where he needs to focus on.

"You have permission to use your power, Wither." An uncomfortable eagerness blooms in him at the words.

"Yes, sir," Cyrus whispers and his collar beeps, its blue lights turning red as magic comes to life under his skin once again.

𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎, 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎.

Pain doesn't even register in the sea of feelings building up in his body. The rocks puncturing the palms of his hands aren't nearly enough to ground him, not after years of the magic slowly numbing his nerves.

The tent disappears and all he can see is colors erupting from the blackness, like thousands of little roots travelling through the grass. Ignoring the surrounding life had become easier over the years, and the withering knew to travel until it's closer to the delineated area than to him before branching to reach all soldiers of the other side.

It took less than a minute for him to spiral into euphoria this time.

Faintly, he knew his lips were moving, in that same eerie murmur of always, singing words he couldn't understand, but also couldn't forget. An incantation that breaks the laws of nature. A chant that was never created... only repeated. The echo of something that always existed.

And so he repeats. From the words, waves of withering magic follows the colorful branches and pushes it forward.

His hands crack and dug further into the ground, and he repeats the chant again. Again, again, again...

𝙰𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗.

Cyrus could see, or in a way feel, the life bursting out of the enemy's camp. It was hard to separate what was greenery and what was people, but it didn't matter in the end.

Wither magic fills the entire enemy camp with thousands of black ramifications that only he sees the colors of. Growing, rotting, decaying.

Every cell in his body beams with giddy energy.

A warm mist swirls on his arms pleasantly. Something similar started filling his eyes, and Cyrus's head was pure delight. His chest shudders with a bubbly feeling as a smile grows on his face.

And then everything goes black. The cold, painful reality crashes down on him, harshly taking all the cheerfulness away and leaving behind an itch, a hysteric uneasiness. A faint beeping of his collar tells him he's done today, it had turned blue again.

Cyrus didn't even know he had made a noise until the collar beeps again with a warning electrical shock. With a flinch, he goes dead quiet. An argument was happening over his head.

Cyrus wants to keep using his magic, why can't he? It's so warm and happy-

"It was fucking smiling, it is fine to keep on! What is the point of having a weapon that can't be used?!" A man behind him almost yells. Not the same one from before, a slightly more familiar one. It might be the general, but without seeing it's hard to be sure.

Yes, Cyrus was fine to keep going, he was! It's been less than a minute with the nullification glasses back on, but he misses the colorful cheerfulness already, his body is taut with the need to move, to do something, anything.

But Mr. Wilson is right there, so he stays obediently still.

"I'm not telling it to launch an attack again! The magic would consume it's head and-" Mr. Wilson pauses, and Cyrus recognizes his temper rising. It's an effort not to flinch. "Ugh, you have no idea how bad it gets. Wither. Up, we're leaving."

"Mmn?" The order takes a second to click. "Oh... yes, sir..." To speak was hard, his tongue didn't move the okay he wanted it to. Cyrus could hear the ecstatic smile on his own voice, and he almost winces at it, but without knowing why. To smile was good, wasn't it?

Should he even be speaking, actually? Wilson doesn't usually like him speaking. Did he say "Sir" as he was supposed to? He doesn't think so... but no shock comes. Perhaps he did. It's hard to remember.

The floor seemed to spin beneath Cyrus when he stood up.

A gloved grip squeezes his arm and Cyrus knows to stay completely still, despite the dizziness. Magic envelops his hands as the metal gloves are bent to fit them again. He still couldn't hear the metallokinetic's handler telling them to do it, maybe it had been a silent command.

He feels the leather gloves being fastened on his wrists, too, before Mr. Wilson grabs him by the upper nape and guides him out. The sound of many boots around them tells him the escort team is here already.

On the way back, there's no longer any murmuring. Even blinded, he knows everyone is just staring. There's only the sound of heavy steps and the wind slowly bringing the smell of death into the camp.

The heavy metal door shuts with the escort team outside, and the only steps that echo inside the container are his and Mr. Wilson.

Blindly, he's pushed to sit inside his resting capsule. Oh, that's right, he's at a campaign, his den isn't here... the sad longing only lasts a second.

The thin mattress is cold, and the restraints are too tight. Cyrus hates the cold, but it feels so weird, he can't help but giggle. It sounds off, but he can't pinpoint why.

"Quiet," Mr. Wilson scolds sternly, fastening his legs securely inside the capsule. Cyrus flinches and tenses from the upcoming shock that doesn't arrive.

What a silly thing, to flinch from something that didn't even happen. He suppresses another fit of giggles.

The pressure building up behind his eyes and neck is getting harder to ignore. His fingers twitch with the need to use his magic again, but the nullification doesn't let him.

The pressure gets worse.

𝚂𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚞𝚜, 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎.

Now the shock comes, and Cyrus's flinch is not so funny this time. It wasn't just a warning shock, but he doesn't know why he has been punished. Mr. Wilson doesn't clarify it, either. He's scared of not knowing.

The twitches are getting worse. He wants to move. The cold is starting to creep in again, and he wants the warmth back.

His hands move slowly under the temporarily loose restrictions, trying to relieve some of the painful nervous energy without grabbing Mr. Wilson's attention.

It doesn't work. His handler always sees everything.

"Did I say you could move, Wither?" Cyrus freezes from the gelid tone. His shoulders go up chastened just before a gloved hand fists his hair harshly. That'll form a knot later... he wants to wash up and detangle his hair already, before it gets too bad.

From how harsh Mr. Wilson's grip is, he doesn't think he'll be allowed that so soon.

"Stop trying to be sneaky, that's the only warning you'll be given." Cold and firm as always. Frightening as always.

"Yes, sir," Cyrus answers quietly. It's weird how he still feels afraid and sad even when he's feeling giggly and euphoric.

Euphoric. Didn't that word mean something important? The headache is getting worse.

Mr. Wilson's grip only grows even more painful. There's more to be said, but Cyrus's head is not working well. He doesn't want to talk, he wants to move.

What weapons want doesn't matter.

He tries again. "I'm... I won't be sneaky again. I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson," he tries. The hand leaves his hair without any further words.

The need to move only gets worse in the silent. He knows Mr. Wilson knows. Cyrus's body is so tense it hurts.

He needs to use his magic, he needs to. It hurts, it's bad, he wants the giddy energy back, and not this nervous, restless cold creeping in. Everything is still pitch black, and the restraints are too heavy, and he wants his magic free again-

So you can kill more people with it?

No. What? No, no, no-

Your handler stopped you before the euphoria truly took place. Where is your gratitude, you vile thing? Why must others die just so you can smile?

That's not what he wants, he just... he just wants the colors back, the happy feeling of-

Of killing.

The memories of colored forms change. Those were people.

People you killed.

"Are you crashing already?" Comes the distant, cold voice. It takes long seconds for Cyrus to recognize it's Mr. Wilson's.

Crashing. Yes. Yes, he's crashing, and he's still on war camp, so he doesn't even get his white den-

Images strafe his mind. People died. People were killed. By him. And he was just smiling. He giggled to people losing their lives. Not only soldiers, there were medics, and servants, and-

A cold, sharp thing runs his arm and he flinched away, swallowing hard. He tastes blood. He knows it's not his.

Vile thing. You're a plague on earth that should be eradicated.

Cyrus's back presses against the capsule mattress, and he can barely separate what is real touch and what isn't. Sharp goosebumps run up his arm, his hands are being held, there's a pressure on his chest and a numbness on his left leg.

"It's euphoric state was pretty fast this time, it was a good timing to retrieve it," Mr. Wilson's out loud thinking reaches his ear along with a faint noise of screams that mustn't be true.

They're true, you're just hearing them too late.

"Today will be easy, then."

Cyrus couldn't disagree more with his handler.

-

-

-

Want to see Mr. Wilson's pov? This is the drabble this series began as. You can consider it a loose version of this chapter, but in Mr. Wilson's view.

Taglist: @whump-till-ya-jump @floral-comet-whump @paingoes @bonbonbobomb @inhurtandincomfort @half-duck @scoundrelwithboba

-

[tvboxi]

okay, yet again i would like to acknowledge that nobody treated nexus like he was his own person, not once, but now that he’s doing bad things he’s suddenly completely different from moon?? like, he was held to such high standards and now that moon is going through it everyone suddenly decides they’re not the same anymore?

in the laes episode yesterday lunar and earth are like ‘None of us acknowledge Nexus as family anymore cause he tried to kill earth’ but moon abused sun for so long and that’s somehow not held to the same standard?? i would argue it’s worse personally. At the very least, Nexus wasn’t specifically going for earth, moon knew what he was doing the entire time he treated sun that way.

and now today on sams Earth talks about how Moon acted with KC and how Moon just wanted his independence and that him separating from Sun was his first time with his own decisions and free will.

that is exactly what’s happened (and is happening) with Nexus right now.

Nexus has had to be Moon since he woke up. well, he had a tiny bit of time to be himself before seeing how Moon was and knowing he was supposed to be that, but then he was just acting the same way Moon did out of necessity. He finally pushes to be himself for the first time now (albeit very violently now- though at first it wasn’t ) and yet everyone has treated this the same way since he started acting like his own person. they hate him now.

they don’t see him as family, they don’t see him as anyone they care about. a year of experiences and friendship, and family, and they give up any and all hope instantly.

[jlf23tumble]

Jen, v random but I think you follow the whatiwillsay pod? I was wondering if you had thoughts about their larry ep from a couple of years ago? 

I do follow her on spotify, but I don't always listen (depends what I have in queue, the topic, etc). I *did* listen to that ep, though, and I disagreed with pretty much all of it MAINLY because you can't have it both ways, i.e., you can't say here's all this gryles proof, here's all this swiftgron proof, then dismiss larry or kaylor when it's the exact same amount of evidenceTM. Like, I'm all for reaching, reach away! But when you're matching, then match it! If it's fandom bullshit, call it as such, but where there's that much smoke, there's at least a wee bit of fire!

[bananasfosterparent]

[sweetestberryofthebunch]

You are very right and you should say it.

Obviously, this is all very nuanced too and every real life person is entitled to their own definition of themselves, but when it comes to a fictional character that is depicted as queer in their piece of media, then saying „oh they don’t like labels guys“ as a writer, especially not a queer writer, is disrespectful to the Queer Experience. We live in a world where our identities are politicised and often weaponised, and if you’re going to write about that with your main character nonetheless, that should be honoured.

„They don’t believe in labels“, that fine, I dont love to label myself either. However, that didn’t stop the man throwing glass bottles at me in the street for holding my partners hand when we were 16 from labelling us as dykes. That didn’t stop the protesters in front of my workplace from labelling me as queer and therefore a danger to children/worth harassing in the streets. That didn’t stop the politicians of our time from slowly stripping my human rights away.

I may not want to label myself a dyke or a transsexual(I do reclaim these but you get the point) but the rest of the world certainly will. Even if i personally rejected labels, that doesnt stop the vast majority of society to label me anyway.

Saying „Oh I dont like labelling myself“ is inherently a straight-passing privilege. Most of the fags, the lesbians and especially the trans community do not get to have that. We are exposed and labelled whether we want to or not.

Refusing to label the character that you want to be your Queer Representation(and very obviously seek validation for doing so, as interview after interview about it show) just shows that as a writer, you(or im gonna say it, in this case Jac Schaefer) either did not do her proper research or doesn’t care enough to honour the community she decided to borrow from to write in her show.

And as a person who does not get away with „Oh I dont label myself I believe sexuality is fluid :D“ because i look obviously queer, yes, insisting your Sapphic Main Character shouldn’t be called what she is, a Sapphic Main Character, A lesbian, A Queer Woman, is in fact very insulting and disrespectful to my lived experience.

I don’t bleed in the streets for Cishet „Allies“ to disrespect my community in their story telling like that.

And like what do I know, but I actually dont buy the shows representatives desperate attempts at making us believe Agatha wouldn’t care about labelling her sexuality at all. Are we all looking at the same opinionated woman? Who canonically lived through the Aids Crisis and the Queer Panic and eventual Queer Rights Movement? Are you fucking kidding me? Just say you didnt care enough and now it’s awkward cause you dont know what you’re talking about lol.

Is it just me or is it kinda annoying (and disrespectful) when showrunners constantly say that some of their queer characters just aren't 'into labels'

And I find that this happens a lot more with female characters than male ones.

Hm...🤔

Read the tags for more of my thoughts, and if you reblog please add your own thoughts

Also I had a lot more to say but ran out of space in the tags. But I would love to have a conversation about this. Just keep it civil please thanks so much 🥰

[lesamis]

🍋

sometimes i get a little sad about the way being at the phd home for a long time makes me want to like. take off the academiasona and just breathe for a bit. bc i love my friends here but our lives are v fundamentally different and this becomes glaringly obvious when one of them mentions their summer home or says they're taking their mum to the folkwang museum for her bday or when they randomly have cremant in the house and i instantly feel like im wearing some kind of Bildungsbürger skinsuit they tailored for me and it doesn't fit right. but then. these are the same people you can send a silly little poem to that you wrote about a rotten lemon and they'll reply straightaway saying they love it and it reminds them of this one contemporary sculptor who makes giant bedazzled rotten lemons. and for a second this whole thing makes sense

[kabsey]

so in the almost-kiss scene, lucanis suddenly displays this confident swagger as he boxes rook in against the wall. and don’t get me wrong, it’s hot af, but it does contrast with some of his other behavior. and right when his rizz is absolutely rizzing, he stops. he seems to have a revelation of some kind and he panics and leaves

since we unfortunately never get an in-game callback to this moment, we’re left with no canon explanation of his thought process at that moment

what we do know is that he considers rook his first real relationship. however, i’d be willing to bet that he is trained in seduction to a certain extent. after all, it’s a very useful strategy for getting close to a mark. and even if lucanis never used it much (or at all—and he certainly never used it as casually as illario), the training is there. and in a moment of emotion, it just… kicks in

but then, either because of his own conscience or perhaps a dig from spite, he realizes what he is doing. and he’s thrown. he cares about rook, he wants to tell them, but all he has to offer is this fake playacting that does not truly show his heart

and that is not good enough. not for rook

so what does he do? he finds a way to show his feelings in a more authentic way. a more personal way. he cooks for them. cooking is a skill he gained because he wanted to, not because caterina made him learn it. and when rook says he didn’t have to do that, he immediately contradicts them

yes, i did

he did need to. he needed to share what he feels in a way that he knows is his and no one else’s, a way that feels untainted by all his other baggage

and when rook responds with genuine happiness and appreciation, he feels seen and loved for who he truly is. and from then on, he is theirs, body, mind, and soul

[no-where-new-hero]

never posted my ep 4 thoughts, which is. environmental storytelling i guess.

all the air was out of the balloon by this point, and there is no real tension about whether maxim will get free or not. we get some fantastic jeremy brett expressions™️, and julian holloway does his best to keep some semblance of energy in the production, but it's a bit of a color-by-numbers conclusion, which is a disappointment. i think i've seen someone mention on here that it's a shame no adaptation ever does the heroine's dream in the car on the way back to manderley, and i do feel like this adaptation would have benefited from it, if only to bring some mystery back.

on the strength of the first two episodes, i have to say it was a decent adaptation; on the strength of the latter two, it was rather awful. jeremy brett and anna massey gave great and nuanced performances; joanna david did well with what she had, but on a thin script, she couldn't make it up elsewhere with either vibes or acting. and the script WAS thin; there were good lines cut out, and lines kept that didn't hugely contribute to the plot, and weird lines that must have been invented because i don't remember du maurier being so mawkish (e.g., beatrice attempting to cheer up the heroine about the party). david was a bit of a litmus for the quality of the show as a whole; she was very appealing and sympathetic in monte carlo, then steadily lost the intensity and neurosis that keeps us so wound up in the heroine's story in the book.

overall, though, it was interesting to think about from a pacing point of view because it made me consider build-up and payoff and how to work that in a narrative for optimal emotional response. massey succeeded the best in using the tension to her advantage; she builds the pressure and then explodes it on a good line to deliver the punch of a scene. of them all, i feel like she came closest to embodying what du maurier gives us on the page, which is this dialectic of passion and repression, subterfuge and brutal honesty. it's very odd watching rebecca as though mrs. danvers is the heroine, but in a weird way it works.

brett conveys maxim's complexity extraordinarily well; this man is a murderer, and deeply un-self-aware, and a repressed romantic, and probably not very emotionally mature, and capable of obsession, and rather stodgy, and a little stuck on himself, and yet somehow extremely attractive, seen through the heroine's rose-tinted glasses. i didn't know (until i finished watching) that brett was olivier's protege, and there are clear similarities in their portrayals (the imperiousness, the bitterness), but where olivier was nearly unremitting glamour (of course, that was hitchcock's doing as well), brett manages to muck up the edges a little bit: the selfishness is clear, and the traditionalism, and the remoteness.

one great example of their difference that i found very intriguing was in the china cupid scene, when frith says it got broken and maxim replies, "that's one of our treasures, isn't it?" olivier delivers it with fullsome irony: he doesn't particularly care about the splendors of manderley; yes frith and mrs. danvers will fuss, but it doesn't really affect him. the servants' squabble is just boring and tiresome. on the other hand, brett delivers it with full sincerity; he says it like a man who cares about everything in manderley down to the last stone and so it will bother him that something is disarranged and the servants are made upset by it. which gives a VERY different tone to both maxim as a character and of course his relationship to the heroine, who is clearly disturbing and disarranging everything about his life.

i lowkey feel like rebecca is just impossible to adapt faithfully, but this was a decent stab at it.

soon i shall have coherent thoughts about ep 1 of rebecca 1979 but right now my brain is just going HAND KISS! and VENICE!