#(which it did last semester)
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Golden Hour (+ lineart below cut)
I took a picture of the lines for once and did some basic crappy photo editing on my phone, so you could probably print this out and use it as a coloring page or something if you so wish lol. Do with it what you will.
#honkai star rail#dr ratio#veritas ratio#aventurine#aventurine hsr#cherallart#as you can see i forgor i wanted to draw his glasses til like. last second#i can’t believe it’s been like 2 whole months since I last did a whole like. watercolor illustration#part of that’s been bc I’ve been having a bit of a rough semester bc adhd med issues (which are resolved now)#but I really wanted to draw aventurine and ratio. my boys#i’ve been LOVING penacony so far so I needed to get something nice out#anyway I did this while my s/o and I alternated between reading a 500 pg long history book out lout to each other#it’s called ‘the inheritance of rome’ and kinda covers what happened after the collapse of the western roman empire#and tries to identify and explain all the cultural echoes and reverberations and transformations that rose from its ashes#throughout europe north africa and the middle east. anyway it’s super interesting and I highly recommend it#the late antique period is not something often covered/talked abt in public ed hist classes. at least not when I was goin through em#or the transitory period between it and the early medieval period at least#i still got 150 pages left and a final paper due on it in like 4 days but it’s only a 5 pg minimum and I’m a wordy bitch so#i think i can make it#anyway back to that I go
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Daenerys' storyline in ADWD is a good way to complexify heroic narratives without invalidating the idealism of the savior. What is in question isn't the morality of freeing slaves (because that's already indisputable), but how to integrate them in society in a effective way when that goes against ancient traditions of subjugation. It offers an honest portrayal of power struggle, how the oppressing class does not give up their power easily, and in order to make a revolution stick you must give the oppressed the necessary tools to keep themselves empowered, the oppressed must be able and willing to reign fire on those who seek to put them in chains again. With heroic narratives there's always an extraordinary someone saving people from certain doom and everyone is happy. the end. But with Dany there's an exploration of the aftermath. Her storyline explores her struggle of wanting to do good, on trying to keep her people safe while dealing with powerful people who seek to maintain their hierarchies. It's an exploration of what power can mean to different groups. Power can be about subjugation but it can also be a way to prevent yourself from being subjugated. The great masters would not have behaved differently if Dany had proposed gradual and peaceful reforms on slavery, because they cared first and foremost about their status as a ruling class, and that status was only possible through the exploitation of other people, because for a group to be above requires all others to be below, stepped on by those above.
#last semester i studied about the process of slavery abolishment in my country during the 19th century#which was a process done mostly through gradual and peaceful reforms#and yet the slave owners still did ALL they could (increasing violence against enslaved ppl + human trafficking) to maintain the system#people who truly believe in slaving others are vile in any scenario. because slavery is vile. there's no way around it.#daenerys targaryen#a dance with dragons#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#cw slavery
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*stares at 30 reblogs of "deep down you want to bite someone with 100% power just once"*
*writes: "m00t is reincarnated crocodile (beloved)" on notepad*
#ptxt#unrelated tag essay: finished writing an email somewhat promising myself arranged-marriage-style to a project if my advisor#is down once I apply for a phd which will be in *checks watch* whenever I have the spare brainpower to do it.#Probably the end of the month#It's still chalcopyrite related but news flash there's other sulfides that occur with chalcopyrite and they're all really fuckin weird and#want to know why. Also I want to know where mooihoekite occurs and haycockite and all that jazz and I'm too tired to do a lit review#search for something that's only marginally related to my thesis but I must knowwwww.#I'm tired enough my professor for a different class asked if I was distracted/busy/stressed when I went to office hours. 'yeah you did#a great job last semester and now you're only showing up 50% of the time.' T^T#Slipping into incoherent tumblr tag conlang feels like capri-sun to my brain after today tbh. There should be a german word for this
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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Hey I'm graduating college in may and I just kinda realized that I'll be Done Done with school after that. Not fake-done like I was graduating high school, where I'd have to go to college at the start of the fall. And not fake-done like I was in any of my semesters I took off.
Done Done. As in I accomplished my degree, and I won't ever have to go back to school if I don't want to. What a beautiful, beautiful thought.
#speculation nation#i enjoy learning but not in school. school is the soul killer. there's a reason it's taking me 10 years to get my bachelors.#failed classes and switched majors and part time school (so i could work and pay my way thru) and semesters taken off...#for 9 and a half years now it's been a fucking shadow hanging over my head.#just gotta keep going just gotta persevere. slow and steady wins the race.#and well im nearly there now. holy fuck tho i didnt miss full time school lmfao#i went to part time a few years back to save my fuckin self bc it was just *impossible* to do full time school And work to support myself.#and even part time school plus a job was horrible. but i did it anyways.#and here i am now with my lovely life insurance from my awful paternal death. life sure happens as it will huh.#which will let me complete school in a neat 10 years. graduated high school in 2015 and college in 2025. wild.#not glad my dad died but im grateful that ive gotten this opportunity afterwards.#sure is strange the ways life goes.#anyways yeah im in deadlines hell rn with all these fucking projects but ONCE I FINISH THEM#i will be done with this semester. my second to last semester.#theyre releasing class schedules today for next semester too and im a little antsy. cant edit until next week regardless#but i wanna KNOWWWWW what i got. best case scenario i get my 3 classes i need to graduate#plus my orchestra and bowling. so i have a full 12 credit hours. to be full time still.#im scared of not having gotten 3 classes bc theyre selectives yea so i dont need These classes Specifically#but also it'll be a pain in my fucking ass if i have to go scrounging. and i wanna have my first choices...#but we'll see. i selected several fall-through options and i dont need any single specific class to graduate.#so long as i have 3... thatll be enough...#AUGHHHHH college!!!! im almost done!!!!! i might get straight As this semester!!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to email my professor about setting up the book meeting lol. i should do that today.
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I am in horrible pain for the third day in a row and I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT! aaaaaaarrrrghhhhhhh! I don't want to get out of bed! I don't want to walk to class! it makes the pain worse! this is stupid! this isn't how my pain usually works! three! days! what the fuck!
It normally lasts a couple hours and fucks off. I think dragging around a heavy backpack is making it worse but I don't know why because it's not even that heavy, I've lugged around worse and been fine. Why is it so agonizing now and how do I make it stop? It's not even just my back, I think it triggered a chronic pain flareup so now my entire body hurts. It will not go away. I can't even stop carrying the stupid backpack to let my body recover because I still have fucking classes! Also the bus system is so unreliable I keep having to walk to class which hurts! so! bad! I have a car but driving wouldn't help because the parking is as far away from my classes as my apartment is.
I just want to stop being in horrible pain nearly every waking moment is that so much to ask.
#vent post#aaaaaaaauuuughhhhhhhhhhhh#ow ow ow fuck ow#hylian rambles#debating swapping out backpacks for my one from last semester which weighs less and did not generally injure me#but it's kind of in bad shape which is why i replaced it to begin with. it has holes in it. which i can probably work around.#just don't trust the water bottle pocket it'll be fine
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i think it's about time that we acknowledge that, no, that character would Not change their name in a groupchat! especially not to that. and, no, that character would not change everyone else's names! especially not to that.
#my drafts are back up to almost 800 sooooo have this post i made a couple weeks ago!!!#it irks me SO MUCH#most people just use their names or nicknames😭#i'm sorry but i.ida would not make his name 'sonic' and j.irou/m.omo would not include 'lesbian' in their names even if they are#c.huuya would not make his name about his height (god we get it the short jokes are so annoying to me personally it just feels like#a way to infantilize him) and d.azai would not make his name about bandages and lord knows k.unikida is NOt changing his name at all#most people don't make their names their sexuality i just. don't understand why almost all chat fics include like. 'lesbian queen' which#like ig if it's someone using it to come out or for pride month that checks but most of the time the characters i see with their sexuality#in their name are characters tHAT WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!! at least use characters who would😭 like j.irou's too shy and m.omo is too reserved#and like sorry not sorry but d.enki and s.ero and m.ina are not going to just instantly change everyone's chat names - most people don't ge#into a chat and go 'imma change everyone's names' and like i could deal with it if they gave them names that made sense#bUT THEY DON'T!!! also so many anime chatfic writers give them american type names like reference american artists#it's just like. they prolly don't listen to as much american music as you think they do. japan has musicians too. like. they're not america#sorry i genuinely love the concept of chatfics and think they're a FANTASTIC way to analyze character and i even did a whole lesson on#characterization in texting last semester! it was really fun too like the kids enjoyed it! but like. most characters won't text the way you#do. and people just. always make them type the way they do. or use actual convos from griupchats but don't make it fit the characters#just. mmmmmmmmm.#idk why but gc fic names bother me So Much lol#AM DONE NOW SORRY GUYS#corey talks:)
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...
#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
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i just want to feel something
#grymms spectacular fucking posts#im so drained#like im so exhausted i cant feel anything#one more week of school and then thanksgiving break#i only get 1 week of break for thanksgiving#which isn't nearly enough#because i did summer school i wasn't able to properly recover from my last year of highschool#ive been running on fumes this whole semester and just hoping that winter break will be enough to get me thru next semester
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so since I may be free this summer after all, would anyone be interested in an RP event that's a potluck? I've been wanting to do it for ages but there's never any interest compared to other themes
for a discord rp, I would make a separate server explicitly for this purpose so you don't have to be in any guilds or anything! I would also delete the server (or at least channel, if people would like an event-planning server long-term) after a week - enough time for people to read over their stuff but not preserved forever and ever.
#actually remembering to make this a week-long poll this time!#if you've never heard the term before: a potluck is an event where everyone brings a food they've made to share in a communal feast!#there is no skill floor for this - if you (your character in this case) only knows a simple cornbread recipe they follow by the book that's#-just as welcome as an elaborate roast#and I know people have brought things they bought instead of cooked (like a bakery pie)#the point isn't to show off your cooking skills as much as it is to come together as a community and share :)#its historical origins were a little more complex in function than that but I'm going with what I was raised with#but yeah. it's a theme I've wanted to do a while because it's so community#I AM upset that I won't be busy this summer (rejected from every internship I applied to and can't apply to ones that require a-#-drivers license which is uhh MOST OF THEM!#but my psych was saying it's probably good for me to have some rest and recovery time after this hell semeste#(it wasn't hell but two of my classes have really been fucking with my head)#I DID get to try out darting guns last week in my wildlife sampling/id classes though and I hit the target dead center both times!#and that was fun. but the writing assignments from those other classes are incomprehensible in rubric#OH RIGHT MY TAGS#gw2 open RP night#gw2 rp
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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hmmmm what if I. skipped class 'cause I'm not feeling good
#could I go to class withoug putting anyone else in danger? yeah#but I would be miserable#and getting anything good done would be a long shot#I feel bad about my record in studio so far— last semester I did SO much more work on my projects and I did SO many extra sculptures#but this semester I'm more tired#and y'know what I have my whole life to do ceramics it's not just this semester#and I was already planning to skip my other class so that's ok#if I stay home I can do laundry... catch up on my capstone project which I'm behind on... yeah this sounds good
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I don’t do fantasy gym due to who I am realistically as a person but I wish I were the kind of b*tch who could muster up the necessary energy and executive function to stay on top of a fun thing with no real consequences like that. I’m living vicariously through all of u
#I came to terms with it not being for me the last time I did fantasy which was when it was on that other website before gymlitics#ider the name but I vividly remember the interface lmao. anyway it’s like… unfair to be only passively dedicated whe#*when u have really great gymnasts on ur team who could be real assets to other people but ur sitting on it yknow?#spring semester is always the worst anyway so after that one season where I barely did it after week 5 I was just like. I’ll just watch idk
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head in my hands not me wanting to skip my classes. ITS WEEK TWO
#in my defense i might have covid#ive been masked up 24/7 windows in my dorm open etc for everyone else but if i've got it i've got it#but as shit as i feel as ass as i feel my symptoms aren't covid-y#headache and fatigue are symptoms but they're also symptoms i experience all the time anyway yk#which is probably super normal#but i feel like i'd collapse if i tried to go to all three of em back to back#in no small part bc the gap between them is so short and im already kinda prone to getting out of breath WITHOUT a mask#but i also skip classes bc of that all the time so idk#but also i DID collapse in class last semester so. ?????#but i feel like if i ate smth i'd be good like it's combo little sleep + no food but i don't have time for it before class#ughh whatever im just gonna send an email fuck it. im being courteous (<- very much self-motivated here)#staying home when uou feel like shit isn't selfish stayung home when yuu feel like shit isn't selfish stayi#etc etc#but do i skip my japanese class. bc i kinda wanna go to that one. ugh no if i am sick that's the worst one to be in
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And here he is! I have a handful of poses I want to do still so stay tuned!
#illustration#procreate#digital art#oc#demon#character design#furry#fursona#otter#river otter#sfw furry art#sfw furry#sfw#furry otter#otter furry#custom brush#procreate illustration#digital illustration#furry illustration#artist#digital artist#furry art#furry artist#school assignments have been kicking my ass with prompts that leave me end up hating what I’m working on which is a huge bummer#but what can I do? that’s school I guess and the semester is almost over at least#I did get some parts to my assignments that are really good by themselves so maybe I’ll post those maybe maybe we’ll see#I also may have worked Oka into my last illustration one class! ngl makes working on it more fun and easy lmao#so I’m excited about that but omg deadlines are coming up and I’m STRESSED BRO
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we did not in fact finish the lab due this morning or come even close BUT he’s giving us the next week with no late penalty bc it turns out one of the pins we were trying to use to communicate Actually Does Not Exist #slay
#personal#the engineering chronicles#it’s literally listed as an i2c pin in the tables but i overheard the student assistant say it’s not a real pin when i got into lab and was#like ?!?! and looked it up in the data sheet and for our version of this microcontroller yeah they replaced it with a capacitor for some#inexplicable reason and Left The Pin Label There. also need to stress that where it says it’s an i2c pin it IS listed under our specific#microcontroller like. technical writer of this data sheet when i catch you ‼️#so anyway. that was NOT the only issue we had even if the pin did exist it was supposed to be set for i2c2 and we accidentally set it for#i2c1 and also none of us has any clue what command to send to make the led on the other board like up but he doesn’t need to know that 🤫#*light up#even my prof didn’t know abt the secret nonexistent pin and he said no student of his has ever had this issue which actually i don’t think#is true bc i’ve been trying to avoid the b port all semester Specifically bc i remember having weird issues with the pins not working on it#last year and i suspect this is why but. yeah no consequences YIPPEE 🥳
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